#remind me who i am

[novelmonger]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Make Me Whole (Captain America chapterfic) - AU of TWS where Steve decides to save the Winter Soldier before discovering his true identity. He helps him leave Hydra, and together with Sam they go into hiding while helping "Winter" reacclimate to normal life and deal with some of his issues resulting from the incredible amount of trauma he's suffered. This was the first time I wrote a story and felt really strongly that I was supposed to write it. Usually it's just a matter of, "No one else is doing this, so I guess I have to." But with Make Me Whole, I realized pretty early on that I didn't care if fifty other people got the exact same idea, I wanted to be the one to tell the story, because no one else would tell it quite the way I wanted to see it done. It has blessed my life and improved my writing in more ways than I can name.

Remind Me Who I Am (Captain America oneshot) - AU of TWS where Bucky doesn't get any of his memories back after the last wipe, but he tracks down Steve anyway because he's intrigued by the way Steve treats him. It's all about identity: Who are you if you can't remember who you were? I'm really proud of the way it turned out, especially because it was a bit of experimentation with second-person POV.

Let This One Remain (Avengers: Endgame oneshot) - A fixit fic for the ending of the movie. I loved the movie, but didn't love Steve's wildly OOC ending. Within the first hour after seeing the movie the first time, this fix presented itself, proving that I and my dear friend @sergeanttomycaptain are better writers than everybody at Marvel - or at least we know this character better :P Basically, the movie just ended about five minutes too soon, and this is my headcanon for what really happened.

of skulls and secrets (FMA oneshot) - Postseries fic about Ed and Al coming back home after a year of traveling separately and seeking out the secrets of alchemy. Most of it deals with Ed's story of a famous alchemist's laboratory he investigated in Creta, and why he's reluctant to tell Al about any of it. I had a lot of fun worldbuilding what Creta might be like, and brought everything back around to the brothers, as it should be. (Also this is the only time I've tried out the pretentious all-lowercase title :P)

The Other Side of the Coin (FMA chapterfic/series of oneshots) - My FMA genderbender, where Ed and Al are girls, and Winry is a guy. This is just a really fun project I dabble in from time to time, exploring what might be different about the story if we're following Elaine and Adelaide Elric instead. How does Elaine navigate joining the military as a twelve-year-old girl? Does she still throw tantrums about her height, or is it something else? What if, just like eating and sleeping for Addie, she also suffers double the share of menstrual cramps? And how does Addie feel about being stuck in a huge scary suit of armor, where no one can even tell that she's a girl, let alone a pretty and nice one? I also indulge myself with exploring how different EdWin (ElWin, in this case) is, when it's the guy who has to wait at home for the girl; and having fun with Parental!RoyEl, because Parental!RoyEd is second only to the Elric brothers in my heart <3

[novelmonger]

I suppose this probably doesn't count, because he's not technically dead, but this is very strongly reminding me of my Captain America fic Remind Me Who I Am, in which Bucky Barnes joins Steve and Sam after TWS, but never recovers his memories. So even though he's technically still alive and still the same person, it's like Bucky Barnes died, but he (whoever he is) has the same body as him, and everyone around him keeps expecting him to be someone he's not. A very angsty situation indeed >:D

I love the "came back wrong" trope but from the opposite side.

Imagine you are dead. And then you are RIPPED from the embrace of decay into the world of the living again. Your memories are hazy and you don't recognize any of these people, but they act like they're close to you? Like they love you? So you try to get your memories back, to act like you belong here, but everybody tries to forget you died. And you can't. It is omnipresent. And just trying to grapple with that fact pushes the people who "love" you away, and they're incapable of understanding, and they're so confused, what's wrong N̶̄̀O̶͛͗T̷̉́ ̷͋͝Y̴̎̌Ȍ̴̈U̸̓R NÄM̴̃͑E̵̾̇? And you just need them to understand, you aren't that person! You aren't! You don't know who that person is! You don't know why any of this is happening, but they're unwilling to bend, they keep insisting you are that person, your memories will come back, everything will be normal again, and you want to scream and cry and claw yourself open to show them you're different. Your existence as a being wholly separate from whoever you "used to be" is a sin unto itself. All you can do is scrabble for life and to them, you're killing whoever they loved to do it.

just. lots of fun in that concept, you know?

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

Learn your history!!!!

[shelivesingalaxies]

And here I read again...

She needed a hero. So that is what she became.

[lurkinginnernarrator]

disciple era peak lords getting sent on a big infiltration mission together

shen jiu completely flipping into a flirting doe eyed personality to extract Intel, to the shock and distraction of all the other PLs

oh or it being like a criminal ring and sj fitting in perfectly, like he swears worse than a sailor, knows ALL the lingo, could probably drink/smoke everyone else under the proverbial table, knows what faux paus to avoid

Or both, that'd be really funny

Mission 1 SJ: Honeypot

Mission 2 SJ: gang

[myoonmii]

Erika lehnsherr we battle at dawn for her hand in marriage

[melasy]

[alatariel-galadriel]

I love Spock so much. I’m constantly thinking about “‘Vulcan’s do not lie,’ Spock lied,” and “one of my ancestors married a human” (his DAD he’s talking about his DAD marrying his MOM, king shit)

He never leaves my head I am rotating him like a rotisserie chicken in the microwave. I love him.

[griseldabanks]

“I loved the person you used to be,” Steve says, ever so softly. “And I will love whoever you choose to be in the future. So...please believe me when I say...I love who you are now too.” He holds out his hand, just like he did when you were about to jump off the edge. Trying to breach the gap between you. Because he wants you. After everything you've done...after failing him in every possible way...he still wants you. So you raise your hand, trembling, and hesitantly begin to reach for him. He doesn't even wait for you to close the distance, but steps forward, grasps your hand, and pulls you easily to your feet. And he doesn't stop there. Before you know what's happening, his arms are around you in a tight, warm embrace.

- Remind Me Who I Am

Scenario:

For application into the Guild of Storysmiths, you must present what you consider to be your most captivating paragraph from a previously posted or published work to the formidable Acceptance Committee. Reblog with your choice!

[theythemmer]

r we phuckin w the phaltar

[godbirdart]

i've been so used to the online space where if you like a series or fictional character that someone else hates they will openly berate you and cut you out of their life and tell you to Go Die so when i got into a thing that a friend really didn't like and their only reaction was "i do not like it" and left it at that with no over the top reaction or lecture on Why The Thing They Don't Like Is Bad, honestly i felt like i met god

[todayisafridaynight]

[ariadne-mouse]

This feels like both a statement of potential obviousness, but also a prediction because hey, we're only 2.5 hrs into Episode 1: I don't think Downfall will reveal either the gods or the Aeorians to somehow be uniquely evil, or that the desire on either part to destroy the other is somehow uniquely more justified or deserved.

Like in Episode 1 here we're getting a very strong dose of the shitty things Aeorians are doing to other mortals in their pursuit of control and power - we already knew they were a warmongering surveillance state, and as things get worse on Exandria it's grimly unsurprising that the people on the ground are increasingly treated as disposable. But Aeor is still a city full of people seeking safety in a land torn open by the gods' battles, desperate to survive by any (increasingly ugly and sinister) means. And the gods in turn are afraid for their survival, and are acting accordingly in seeking Aeor's Downfall (immense collateral damage) - all while and the versions of them in the party here have lived mortal lives & hardships, have families, communities. They have lived in the desolation their own godly battles have created. We don't see them portrayed as lofty divine abstracts, not even necessarily in the intro, where they are confused, afraid, and seeking safety from danger.

For Ludinus to think this "footage" is in his favor against the gods, and the complexity of the lore being what it is and the cast being the storytellers that they are, I think it must be the kind of series of events you can look at and see the humanity (using that word deliberately) for good and ill in all parties involved - and leave again with your biases if they're strong enough. Very curious what we will learn. I expect to weep. I can't wait.

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[erinwantstowrite]

hey guys as a reminder to y'all: i literally can not put more tags on LoF. i would have to nuke some tags to put new ones. there is a limit on how many tags to put and i am not gonna panic to add a tag right now and i'll do it when i feel like sitting down and figuring out what to keep and what to throw out. i know i need to put a wally/dick tag (to the nice people that reminded me, this isn't abour you i promise, y'all were very sweet!). that being said. stop leaving homophobic comments on LoF or i will go crazy 💖 while we're at it, stop leaving transphobic or other hateful comments on my fic too. IN GENERAL you should not be leaving hate comments on a fic. i don't delete hate comments unless they're actively being homophobic/transphobic/racist/etc. but it is not chill to tell me you "loved the story until it got gay." or "too woke." honestly? you can kiss my ass. obviously the story wasn't meant for you. move on and do not comment

[bread-wizards]

I actually think Dorian and Orym should fight more.

Remember when their slowly building tension over and entire episode (full of passive aggressive remarks and blame throwing) led to threats? And how after, Orym thanked Dorian for handing over the crown sadly because he knew Dorian would be mad at him? And Dorian couldn't even look at him because he was legitimately hurt, thinking Orym was disappointed in him for doing what he thought was right? That was peak.

The fact they went from that to their current closeness and trust is the best part of their entire dynamic. Their relationship was hard fought and still will be. They will fight for it because they respect and care for one another deeply, and their disagreements don't change that, only improve it.