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chameleon66 · 3 months

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Love’s Illusion

Warnings: Angst, implied autistic Gus, past bullying, Bria (let me know if I need to add anything else)

Author’s note: So funny story, I was planning to post this a few days ago but when I went back to edit this my computer completely crashed and it took days for the repair shop to get it back up and running so yeah it’s been a while since I have written a Fanfiction but I hope to upload more of these more often. With all of that said happy reading and happy Gustholomule week.

Matt was getting worried, he hadn’t heard from Gus since yesterday when they accidently ran into Bria at the bonesburrow market place and Bria had a lot to say to Gus and none of it was very nice.

Guess she wasn’t over what happened in the illusionist’s graveyard. Gus was so obviously hurt by what she had said, so much so that Gus choked back whatever words that had died on his tongue and said that he had forgotten he had to help his dad with something.

Gus then summoned Emmeline and flew off in the direction of his house. Matt was furious at Bria, she had no business being here reopening old scars. As angry Matt was he swallowed his rage and just turned his back on her.

On his way home Matt texted Gus, asking if he was ok but never got an answer, so an hour later he texted him again this time telling Gus to not think about what Bria said and that she wasn’t worth losing sleep over. Matt still got no answer.

The next day he still hadn’t gotten a reply back and Matt couldn’t stop himself, he went over to Gus’s house but when he knocked on the door he got no answer.

After waiting another minute he decided to go around the house and look for another way in. Matt moved to the side of the house and cast a spell circle raising a platform to the window that if Matt remembered correctly was Gus’s bedroom window.

Matt peered through the glass to see Gus’s bedroom dimly lit, the only sources of light seemed to be the window and a crystal ball on the floor, and next to the crystal ball was a gloomy looking Gus laying on his back staring up at the ceiling.

Has he been like this since he got home? Matt asked himself.

Matt knocked on the window which seemed to snap Gus back to the real world as he sat up and looked around his room before his eyes landed on the window with his boyfriend on the other side of the glass.

Gus stiffened in his shoulders before he climbed on to his bed to the window and opened it for Matt.

“You could have just used the front door.” Gus smiled but Matt could tell it was forced.

“I tried knocking but you never answered.” Matt answered climbing through the window onto Gus’s bed beside him.

Matt’s boyfriend looked away and scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “Oh sorry about that.” Matt could see Gus’s mind was somewhere else as he wouldn’t look in his boyfriend’s direction and he was laying on the floor when Matt first saw him which he did when he was feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.

“No need to say sorry you dork.” Matt joked trying to lighten the mood, Gus looked back at him and tried to smile though it still looked very forced.

“Are you okay, Gus?”

Gus sighed leaning his back against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chest, another thing Matt knew he did when he was experiencing a negative emotion. Matt paused trying to find the right words to say, then formulating them into a sentence.

“Look, Bria has always been a jerk and she’s not worth getting upset over.” Matt shuffled closer to Gus. Gus looked down at his bedsheets, wrapping his arms around himself.

“That’s not why I am upset.” Gus uttered in a monotone tone that didn’t feel right in Gus’s voice.

“Why?” Matt pressed, he felt like the answer was staring him dead in the face but the construction witch just couldn’t put his finger on it.

“I guess I’m just kinda mad at myself.” Gus rubbed his eyes from under his glasses, probably trying to keep his tears from flowing.

Now it was Matt’s turn to choke on his words, How did Gus come to the conclusion to be mad at himself? Especially when Bria was the one who said all those things to him.

“Why at yourself?” Matt asked, trying to keep the millions of questions in his head.

Gus looked at his Boyfriend with guilt plaguing his midnight sky eyes. “Everyone says I’m really smart but then why do I act so dumb?”

Matt remained silent waiting for Gus to continue while also pre thinking of what to say to comfort Gus when he finished speaking.

“I get tricked by everyone and I always get upset over stupid things.” Gus buried his face in his hands as if he was trying to hide from what he thought was the truth.

“I just let myself get tricked and used all the time, Bria has just been one of many people who tricked me and for some stupid reason I just can’t see it.”

Matt felt his mouth get very dry, he figured that he wasn’t the only one to have tricked Gus but he never knew the details of it all.

“I’m nearly sixteen for titian’s sake, so why do I still act like a child?”

Gus threw his head back against the wall hitting it, the vibrations causing one of Gus’s framed pictures to come loose, fall and hit Gus on the head.

“Ouch!” Gus cried holding his head.

Matt began to reach a hand towards the illusionist only for Gus’s head to shoot up and open his eyes which were glowing blinding bright blue. Matt pried his eyes away from his boyfriend to see the room being consumed in the same blue glow.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not again.” Gus’s words were sharp and his voice sounded scared. Suddenly the room shifted to the illusionist graveyard but everything was tinted blue.

Matt squinted his eyes as a silhouette came into focus and then took the form of Bria who wore a sarcastic smile on her face that just made Matt want to punch her lights out.

“Aw, is the little baby gonna cry?” Bria or illusion Bria teasingly cooed. “You know, I’ve always wondered how someone so smart could ever be so stupid.”

Gus curled tighter into a ball, shutting his eyes so tightly the skin around his eyes began to wrinkle.

“This is why you’re so useful Gus, you’re so desperate to make friends, you can be a tool.” Bria cackled, placing her hands on her hips.

Gus began to shake his head back and forth and gritting his teeth, “Shut up, just shut up!” Gus buried his head in his arms trying to tune out Bria’s voice.

Matt was trying to process the things he was hearing, Gus had truly been holding in a lot and it seemed that now was when Matt needed to help his boyfriend.

Slowly Matt placed a hand on Gus’s shoulder, Gus looked back at him, eyes still glowing with his brows knit down.

“Gus..” Matt started but paused. He was never good with emotions especially other people’s, what if he just messed up and made things worse?

No, Matt didn’t have time to think about that. This wasn’t about him, it was about Gus. Who really needed a hug and some comforting words as soon as possible.

So Matt figuratively manned up and began speaking again.

“Gus, can you try to take some deep breaths please?” Matt asked, silently praying he wouldn’t mess anything up.

Gus’s breathing kept hitching as he exhaled while he was still clearly trying to hold himself together, Matt directed Gus’s attention to him as Matt began taking deep breaths with Gus’s beginning to follow his example of breathing.

“That’s it Gus, you’re doing good.” Matt reassured.

After a minute of deep breathing and encouraging words from Matt the illusion around them began to fade and suddenly they were back in Gus’s bedroom with no trace of the graveyard of Bria in sight.

Gus wore a somber look on his face as if he just spent all of his energy on his feelings.

“Sorry about that-.”

“No.” Matt interrupted, “Don’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault.” Matt gave Gus’s shoulder a soft squeeze.

“Why can’t I learn though?” Gus asked, still not looking in Matt’s direction.

“I always get tricked and yet I’m always still called the smart kid, so why can’t I just be smart for once?” Gus’s words felt like ice water that made your skin feel all prickly and Matt knew he needed to bring some warmth to Gus.

Matt Grabbed both of Gus’s hands and rubbed his thumb over the knuckles urging Gus to slowly look up at Matt’s sympathetic eyes.

“Gus, you are the smartest witch I have ever known.” Matt saw the doubtful expression on Gus’s face so he kept going. “And I’m not just saying that, you are always eager to learn something new and you always notice the small details that you apply to help anyone who needs it.”

Matt saw Gus’s ear perk up which encouraged Matt to continue speaking.

“Sure you may be a bit Gullible but that’s like the best part about you, you always find it somewhere in your heart to forgive people and give them a second chance to prove themselves and you still continue forward even when you are scared, so long story short.”

“Too late.” Gus joked which made Matt chuckle.

“The point is, Nobody's perfect but that’s ok because I still like what’s flawed about you.” Matt explained.

Gus smiled, a true smile that made Matt's heart jump a little. “Thank you Matty.” Gus thanked warmly.

“Don’t mention it.” Matt beamed then placed a kiss on Gus’s nose.

“Do you feel better?” Matt asked.

“A little bit.” Gus answered with his smile faltering a bit.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Just stay?” Gus shyly requested. “Of course.” Matt pulled Gus into his arms, laying them both down on the bed and letting Gus lay down beside him and then wrap his arms around him while Matt kissed the back of his neck softly.

“I love you, Gus.”

“I love you too Matty.”

#random #i love them #toh mattholomule #toh gus #the owl house gus #gus x matholumule #gustholomule #gus x matt #gus porter #gustholomule week 2024 #mattholomule #my writing #the owl house fanfiction #toh fanfic

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vivithefolle · 2 years

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The thing about Rowling is that she bases a lot of characters on people she knows or knew irl. So you have these perfectly decent characters and she just doesn't have a clue how they work internally.

Exactly! I've answered a Quora question on that, previously.

Below, the text of said answer:

Did J.K. Rowling base any of her characters on herself or people she knows personally?

Pretty much all of them?

She said there was “a bit of her in every of her characters". Which tends to happen naturally when you write.

(For example, being autistic, I tend to write characters as very introspective and remembering small details about a lot of stuff and being able to perform literary analysis in the middle of conversation. I've been informed that this is not how the “average" human works. So when I write a character, I often end up making them autistic because that's literally how my brain works. It's unfathomable to me that you wouldn't be paralyzed with fear by the idea of making a decision. Taking an opportunity on the fly, throwing your whole world off-balance with just one gratuitous action? What folly is this??)

According to Rowling, “I married Harry Potter. I married a very brave and gutsy person. And that's who Harry is”. Okay, so before Sauron and Acidic Virtuesignaller come crawling out the woodwork, I would like for us all to consider the implications: so Harry is “a very brave and gutsy person", and that's all. That's the only qualifier for Harry. To be Harry you need to be brave and gutsy. It's not like there's a construct in this series that's literally called The House Of The Brave. With a magic sword that only comes to those that are brave and gutsy enough to wield it. Which three people in the books have used that sword? Harry, Ron, and Neville. If only Harry was “very brave and gutsy" then what are we calling Ron and Neville? Hermione? Ginny? Luna? Snape? Dumbledore? Ok so there we go, if the requirement to be Harry is “be very brave and gutsy" then I can point to half a dozen characters that have the same characteristic ON TOP OF having an actual personality.

Ron was based on Rowling's childhood friend who owned a blue Ford Anglia. Based on Rowling's later comments about having “dated Ron" in her youth, we can infer that Rowling wrote into Ron some of the bad behaviours of guys she'd dated, probably with the idea of having him outgrow them (but considering how much she seems to enjoy writing Ron getting punished for these behaviours…). Some of the things she'd felt about poverty are spoken from Ron's mouth in GOF, and the Locket's tirade is a dead ringer (albeit with the genders reversed) for what she reported her father told her about how he'd rather have had a son.

Hermione is according to JKR a caricature of how she was when she was younger. “I wasn't that clever, but I was that annoying on occasion". I doubt JKR got invited to a ball by a super famous athlete though.

Snape was allegedly based on her chemistry teacher, John Nettleship, who was autistic and I can believe would have made jokes that wouldn't necessarily land as such (solidarity 😔✊). However I believe Snape was very much a caricature and an exaggeration instead of a “100% authentic" portrait of John Nettleship, even if he later came to call the character “me". Rowling needed her Mean Teacher archetype after all.

Cuthbert Binns, the ghost teacher of History that is excruciatingly droll and boring, seems to be a summation of Rowling's thoughts about his subject. Also a convenient way of forgoing worldbuilding.

Mothers are a very important part of Rowling's world. Lily's sacrifice defines the entire series, Molly Weasley is a strong presence through the books and sends Bellatrix's fanatic arse to Hell, Merope Gaunt's refusal to live shapes Voldemort into who he is, Narcissa Malfoy lies to Voldemort in exchange for her son's safety, even Barty Crouch Jr's mother made the ultimate sacrifice by switching places with her son in Azkaban. The only mother figure that isn't positive is Walburga Black, and even she gets to have a humanizing moment when Hermione theorizes that she was kind to Kreacher in DH. All this takes on a whole new meaning when you learn that JKR wrote the first Harry Potter in the wake of her mother's death.

By contrast, father figures are much less revered, and again it is directly a result of JKR herself: she had a notoriously bad relationship with her father, Peter James Rowling. One can postulate that Peter Pettigrew's name wasn't all a matter of alliteration, and that James Potter's redemption was the sort of thing Rowling might have wished of her own father.

Pansy Parkinson was a conglomerate of all the girls who bullied Rowling at school.

Umbridge was based on a work colleague - though she's apparently another conglomerate character - who hid nastiness behind a syrupy sweet exterior. Umbridge is often said to be the worst villain in Harry Potter - because while few people ever experience a genocidal terrorist stalking them, many have met someone like Umbridge who abuse their power just because they enjoy feeling in control of others.

The Death Eaters in general were based on the IRA, but took more cues from Nazi Germany in Deathly Hallows.

#vivi answers #harry potter #hp meta #harry potter meta #meta #jk rowling #ron weasley #hermione granger #molly weasley #peter pettigrew #james potter #severus snape #dolores umbridge #death eaters

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 10 months

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now that i'm an adult, i think one of the most insidious effects of being raised in conservative christianity is that i know, in a painful and personal way, how harmful that world of religious values and traditions can be...but i still feel reflexive nostalgia for elements of it that i grew up with.

i'm listening to a podcast that mentions the 700 club and i don't think pat robertson and hatred of gay people even though i'm fully aware of all that now.

instead i remember my grandmother and her little sitting room with the tv in it and how she would watch the 700 club every day, how much she loved billy graham and how much of her time she spent at local bible study and helping with worship services at the nursing home. i remember going with her to play the flute there, practicing the old rugged cross and amazing grace at her house first.

my mature brain also remembers how much she would talk about the end times and y2k and how confused and terrified that made me at 14, and how she insisted on talking to any friend of mine she ever met about jesus and how embarrassing that could be, and how insistently my whole family enforced a very white christianity and how baffled i was by that.

but i read revelations in 1999 to try and make sense of my grandmother's wisdom, and i never worried while she was intruding on my friends that it might be upsetting for them or just plain rude, and though i couldn't understand why my mom took away the illustrated bible where jesus wasn't white, i knew she must have had only good intentions when she said it wasn't an appropriate gift for me.

even though a lot of things about the religion i was raised with left scars that feel forever raw, like i get to spend the rest of my life fighting a bitterness that's inconsistent with the kind of person i want to be, i was still raised with it--in a bubble that told me there was only one truth, while i was a pliant autistic kid who believed everyone i trusted. and in that truth, there wasn't room for complications. it felt simple. it felt like family, and home, and love.

that didn't change until i changed, until i was grown enough to have questions, and not understand the answers i was given, and see harm to the people around me and wonder if there was a better way. the person i became could never go back there. but the person i started out as, for sixteen years, can't jump forward, either...so those feelings live forever, unchanged.

i think the 700 club and i think of my grandmother, who could be cruel and was absolutely racist and indoctrinated me as a toddler when i was left at her house overnight, a story i was told often growing up because i 'accepted jesus into my heart' while too young to even remember doing so, a binding contract on my soul that could only be enforced if i believed it.

but my grandmother was also the person who i trusted most in the world, the one who came to my school events when my mother stayed home. up through her last days, she was my biggest champion and source of strength, who made me believe i was her favorite during an undiagnosed unstable childhood when i really needed to be somebody's favorite.

i think the 700 club and it makes me cry, because christianity and my grandmother were inseparable; i never experienced one without the other. christianity loved me, and christianity broke me, and both can be true and both can be complicated and all of it hurts. i guess it will always hurt.

but there will always be nostalgia tangled up in there too, and that's the part that doesn't feel fair, because i didn't get to choose the religion i was brought up in. i just get to carry it anyhow.

#cleaning out my drafts #christianity #my formative years #my childhood #life stuff #long post

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occult-roommates · 11 months

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A scandal in the spellcasting world

One day, late in the evening, the Rossinis cousins were watching a movie on a channel which airs comedy classic. However, nothing made them feel older than the fact the movie currently airing was "Don't Mess with the Zohan". Then, Dawud joined in, and he got so close to Matteo he clipped into him, and Daniele had to pretend he's fine with that. Please someone come put an end to his misery...

Rudi: DANIELE TURN ON THE TV! PUT ON THE NEWS YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED DOWNTOWN!! Daniele: WHAT??

Stressed out, he grabbed the remote control and turned on to SMN24 (San Myshuno News 24), only to see a woman he had never heard of in his life make a speech.

Rudi: Listen listen! Daniele: Rud, this cannot be the right news report for the level of urgency in your voice. Rudi: I had to make it crystal clear in order for your autistic ass to understand how much I wanted you to see this. Daniele: Stop saying I'm autistic! Matteo: You're not?! Dawud: Ok but like, never do it like that again. Like...last time someone said with this tone of voice to turn on the news cause something big happened in the San Myshuno downtown, it was the worst terrorist attack in history.

Because none of them were listening, Rudi rewinded until the beginning of the news report. There, a reporter explained only a few days before the upcoming Magic Realm Summit, a human woman had made a revelation that was shocking the spellcasting world at its very core. It then cut to the woman making a speech, what was being shown when they originally changed channel. It was written below "Delfina Baradoz - History teacher".

Delfina: Welcome everyone, my name is Delfina Baradoz. However, nobody but a few people knows me under this name. The name I used to be known as is quite similar. I am better known as Delphine Lorgnez, the so-called dead daughter of Gwenaelle Lorgnez and Giuseppe Paradisi. According to most, I passed away at only five years old, and yet here I am, turning 53 today.

Daniele felt confused. Why would they even lie about their daughter being dead? Surely, this woman had to be doing it for attention. However, he could not deny how much she look like a perfect blend of Gwenn and Giuseppe.

Daniele: But why? Rudi: Back when my dad was alive he had this friend who was obsessed with faking his death...Well, maybe not obsessed, but he brought it up often enough it was sus, especially whenever he was going through stuff. He'd even suggest it to other people. Dawud: I mean, faking your own death is a bit messed up already for your loved one, but forcing someone, a child even, to fake theirs seems even worse. Daniele: Shut up! I'm trying to listen...

Delfina explained she had remained in hiding her entire life. Her parents had found a human couple in Brittany willing to raise her in secret, and she had spent her childhood under the name Christine Cabioch. Once she turned 18, she wanted to change it back to her original name, but realized she actually quite enjoyed being out of the public eyes, unlike her biological parents, and instead picked one that was a nod to her true identity.

Since then, she had a pretty average life, she got married in her early 20s to a human, found a job in Nantes as a high school history teacher, had three kids with no magical abilities and is actually on her way to become a grandma in three months, has a house and a dog, nothing out of the ordinary. Nobody knows who she really is, even her own husband found that out in the last month in preparation for this speech.

Delfina: But why? Why would they do that? As I said, I enjoyed being out of the spotlight, but it is sadly not the reason why they hid me. If that were the case, there were easier solution. No, as you might have noticed, my life has been very human-centric, and the reason is obvious. I am a human...sort of. The older of you might remember a time when my parents were constantly boasting about me, how happy they were to have a daughter, and how much of a powerful spellcastress I was going to be. Then, tragedy struck and my powers were not developping. I was brought to a doctor, who tested me and found out I never will developed any. I was born with a genetic disorder which prevent my body from processing magic properly.

Embarrassed of having a human daughter after constantly claiming his seed (ew) made the most powerful spellcasters, Giuseppe took...a decision. He decided he will fake his daughter's death and hide her. Delfina is not quite sure how he convinced Gwenn to go along with his plan, but he eventually did. One day, they came out claiming their daughter had died in her sleep of a seizure from undiagnosed epilepsy. In order to make sure nobody will ever speak up, they did erase the memories of Delfina and her new parents.

However, Gwenn was never really out of her life and would often come to visit, on top of Delfina constantly hearing about her in the news regarding her weird cult. Then, at 16, she learnt the truth, which obviously messed her up quite a bit. That was the end of the story.

Daniele: No! This is not true!

The spellcaster stood up, unable to believe it. He literally felt mad on behalf of Delfina, but more importantly, he felt weirdly...hurt? He felt weirdly hurt by this.

Rudi: Hey, Dan? You ok? Daniele: This is not true. Giuseppe would never do that. This woman is just an attention seeker who looks like them, hell a human can have blue hair if they have occult ancestry. And she even said herself she changed her name to sound closer to Delphine's name. And how convenient a memory-erasing spell was even involved in her story. Rudi: How would you know he would not do that? You never met him. Daniele: No but...I mean, he's considered a hero to young spellcaster who struggle with magic or developped their power late. Hell, he even used to believe he had the same condition as this woman claims to have! Why would he even treat her the way he was treated by his own family? Well, like, they didn't exactly do that to him, but they were super abusive even by 1900s standard. Rudi: I'm gonna send you the Wikipedia article about the cycle of a abuse. You will find that a fascinating read. Daniele: I still don't understand why he'd do that! He's like...He's my hero...He gave me hope for me, for when my condition will make me lose my power. Maybe I'll find a way to make them comeback, and he's super based like he's pretty much always been on the right side of history, which is saying a lot for a dude who's 123 years old. Rudi: If only you knew the amount of time I found out musician and artist I loved and respected said shitty things about werewolves, even the super progressive one. And the older they are the worse it is cause you know, back then what they were saying was actually socially acceptable. Daniele: So why don't you understand why I'm feeling hurt. Rudi: He doesn't even know you exist Dan! Y'all never even met!

As they say, never meet your hero, that's how you find out they're asshole. Poor Dan, he didn't even got to meet him before finding out he secretly suck.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #sims story #sims 4 story #ts4 story #occult roommates #daniele rossini #rudi marron #matteo rossini #dawud sahan #delfina baradoz #OcRo s2 #long post

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whatsonmedia · 3 months

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Autism, Anxiety and Me

Ever Wanted to Have an Understanding of Autism, Let's Go. Now there are very few things to watch on terrestrial television which address a good deal of the issues faced by those with Autism, and by their families to. So, you can imagine how fascinating and emotional it was when TV Presenter Chris Packham had his two-part documentary; Inside Our Autistic Minds, was shown on BBC 2. This was of course a repeat as it had been shown last year. I didn't actually realize this and only made this discovery when they had Ken Bruce on the show, mainly because in his episode he was still on Radio 2 when now he's on Greater Hits Radio. Anyway, back to the programme. I actually found it as educational as I did entertain. Not only that but I found it to be insightful for my parents with whom I was watching it with. In the first episode they were talking to a female stand-up and Ken and his wife whilst talking about their son. The son is Autistic and is also nonverbal. During the programme there was a moment when my mum turned and said to me "is that what it's like for you?", to which my reply was "yes, occasionally". Both in that moment and after the episode had finished, I just wanted to give my mum a massive hug, mainly because we both found it a little bit emotional to watch but also to tell her that for as long as I've known her, she's been a wonderfully supportive mum. And of course, my dad. What I did notice though was that the episode led to a conversation, which in my view was much needed. During the two episodes there was varying degrees of Autism that was seen. Some where the people were nonverbal, some where the slightest unplanned change in routines caused moments of anxiety, especially when those with the issues don't know it's coming. Another thing we saw, and which I genuinely found interesting was around the whole concept of 'masking'. Masking is a process where those who do it learn how to behave in certain ways so as to blend in more with others. I openly admit that this is something that I have done a few times myself. Hand on my heart it's not always easy and there are times I just don't want to do it, not because I don't feel uncomfortable with it but rather, I just can't be bothered. Other issues that were looked at was around time and sensory overload. Time is one which I am all too familiar with, sometimes it's an Autism thing, other times it's because I don't want to hang around any longer than I can be bothered to. Sensory Overload is one that I do have an understanding of but even then, I do find myself questioning it on whether I am doing it because it's part of my Autism or if it's the racket just doing my head in. For me, from my perspective, the two parter, I felt, dealt with the subject of Autism brilliantly and reminded me that that with each Autistic individual there is a person who has a mind, can think and is capable of observing the world. I think that it may have been in the first episode Chris made a statement that I genuinely believe makes a great deal of sense and should be taken into close account. I can't remember exactly what he said word for word but the basic gist of it was that if you see one Autistic person then you have only seen one person with Autism. If you see two then you have only seen two. If you see seven then you have only seen seven. In other words what he was saying was that we have to dispose of this 'seen one you've seen them all' attitude. For someone like myself who has High Functioning Autism/Aspergers, this is a statement that I have lived with for a long time and will continue to live with and abide by. Now some of this attitude is from my own experiences of being Autistic, others I'm glad to say is what I have adopted. No two people on the spectrum are the same and never will be. The people who appeared on the programme all had varying degrees of the problem, and even I have met with people who are various places on the spectrum. According to a survey about 1-2% of people in the UK are on the Autistic Spectrum, I am one of them. There's supposed to be five different types of Autism Asperger’s Syndrome, which is where I am Rett Syndrome Childhood Disintegrative Disorder (CDD) Kanner’s Syndrome & Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) If you want to understand the Autistic Spectrum, be prepared to have your attitudes towards it challenged. Believe me, if you can alter your attitudes towards it, you'll be doing a big favour for people like me and many others https://www.nickransom.co.uk/news/inside-our-autistic-minds-launch https://www.integrityinc.org/what-are-the-5-types-of-autism/#:~:text=Therearefivemajortypes,developmentaldisordernototherwisespecified. Read the full article

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mothlegs · 10 months

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did nottt like this one

the first i remember of the dream was a chimera priest- as in, he had two sets of dna, and his blood wouldnt be shown as being his

i follow him around for a bit in the car, only seeing him in moonlight from the windows

it's around 3am, it's an hour earlier when i wake up

i have trouble processing what he's saying, he talks about swearing on the bible, its relation to blood, and then we go downstairs and he starts chopping vegetables.

i ask him why so early, i dont remelber what exactly he answers other than "besides, ive already talked to my mom"

oh also. because i've been asked about it somewhat recently- this dream was in english, i distinctly remember the priest speaking english and myself speaking english, though when i was with the rest of my house i'm not sure if they spoke english or danish

somehow i come to the conclusion that the priest has been possessed by ghosts. he said that he was the man me and asriel saw standing over our bed. i confusedly questioned it, he reconfirmed that i and astiel dreemurr had slept in the same bed and had seen him in our room. i had no memory of this and told him so

i ask if he has trouble sleeping, he says yes and i say i do too (true irl)

at some point during this i think about my mom, wondering if she had been possessed(?) too. something to do with my tiktok join date which was apparently in april i think, the 25th..? i had to find someone who knew me before that date, i think something related to plurality and imitative DID

then it sorta transistions to not being about me, but some woman instead? and she married the priest. someone said it was like she had married twins, and his stories were inconsistent, like one day saying he was finnish and the next day he wasn't (this was specifically what was said, as well as a bit more details i dont remember)

i think around this i remember swiping through tiktoks with someone by my side, think to show him something. then pretty much all the videos were of this nonverbal autistic guy (real person) doing a buncha things, including playing rugby?

transitions to me being in my room and very dizzy. i go out to the hall, theres a bathroom to my left, V says something to A about keeping me in check. i sort of question it, dont think i get an answer. A is cleaning? i said something about being dizzy i think, and something was said about one contact person noticing and the other not, but not actually just like... theoretical..? idk words

oh and this was in my old group but with the people from my current group, slight layout change too. there was a flock of adults by the office, including M (used to be my contact irl) and Mw (adult i like) and some others i cant recall

V misgenders me when referring to me but then corrects himself? made me happy ehe. we all go into A's room and talk about the weirdness. A said for him it was like everything was becoming darker and low resolution, while for me it felt like the world was tilting- the dizziness i mentioned.

i think this was where i woke myself up intentionally, but not entirely sure

at other points in the dream, it really functioned the same just in different settings. like something about being in the mall parking lot with my grandma, and moving things from one car to the other. there was something about weapping breasts in clear plastic that im pretty sure was sexual..? but it wasnt a sexy dream at all. something about someone (in the mall?) wanting to show off her breasts and me being interested in the appearance of how the clear plastic changed how it looked..?? i. do not know how to describe it but it really was not sexy to me it was just interesting. i have that a lot too irl hoh...aceness intensifies lol

but moving things between cars. there were 4(?) glitches bottles, which i dont think were safe to drink from since the glitches had left the water open to air. one of the bottles didnt have a neck, it just curved around it, and i showed it to my grandma and a lady who was standing next to the car.

my grandma seemed...out of it, not quite there mentally, as i tried to make a system for sorting it. i said we'd sort it based on if we wanted to keep it or not, and the keeping stuff would be moved to the other car

one of my irl plushies, Peter Pilot, was there but had no clothes and har leaves stuck in his fur. i considered him and decided to keep him. my grandma's spacyness was making me uncomfortable. i think the car was covered in fur(?idk if thats the word, could be a rug or steeringwheel-cover texture too idk)

some other related dream, i was with...3? people. i don't remember much except them deforming, losing ability to speak and melding into inhuman shapes, impossibly wide mouthes and big heads

and then. i dreamt basil detransitioned and everyone left me. but i think this was the first dream i had

ky said something about having become friends with basil again because of him having changed to a cool pfp. i asked to see it and his bio. i dont think ky ever replied, but referred to him with she/her during the dream. this probably comes from basil having changes his name on discord to his old name irl, though not one he ever used while knowing me. now im wondering if thats the point of it, yet he kept the name i gave him to match mine. betrayer. but anyways

i looked and saw sleepy was away, had the same status as irl, but then later i looked back and their name had changed, something about being logged off. they had a bio now, i dont remember the specifics but it said theyd be gone for an unspecified amount of time. it was out of nowhere and without warning. i remember half seriously wondering if they were testing me to see if i would become bad like i was before

i saw one person typing in a dm, but then stopped, and then another person did as well but... at first these two were the same person, but then when the second started typing, the first became another person

think thats all i remember. it was all very incredibly disorienting, strong dissociation the entire time, strong disconnect and maybe even loss of reality. scary

#dream #dreams #dream log #dream journal

0 notes

alyssamental · 1 year

Text

No one really talks about the mental adjustment of starting over.

In March of 2021 I moved across the country to a state I'd only visited once, in a relationship that was never going to last forever (though I thought it would at the time). A year passed in a wink, and suddenly I found myself mourning my relationship as any remaining winter chill left us. My only local friend being the now-ex boyfriend, I felt a sense of loneliness I never thought possible.

Despite the climb, I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life 6 months later. Born and raised in my new home, my lover had a full life. Friends, family, activities and a sense of place. I was also special enough to be welcomed in with open arms. Moving in at four months together was never on my 2023 bingo card, but it was meant to be (magically and fiscally... thanks housing market). I've lived in this beautiful little town for four months now. While I would never change a thing, I never considered the long and rough process of not only healing from my old life, but also acclimating into everyone else's.

Being new in a family, friend group, and place is exciting... but scary. Only time can take away the awkward beginnings and small talk. I want so desperately to fit in and fast forward to the greatest parts, though I know once I get there, I'll look back lovingly. While working from home and deciding to leave college aspirations behind, I have no easy way to make new, local, connections. My hobbies revolve around the online world, so how am I supposed to find my group when I'm such a homebody? Sometimes I feel like if I didn't switch to bi-weekly therapy sessions, I'd lose the last bit of myself that I've kept.

On top of everything else, I'm autistic. That's the first time I've said that confidently, though I lack an official diagnosis. I've considered it more than a dozen times, but am pushed back by the cost and possible cons it comes with. I'm afraid. Until my current partner, I've always felt completely alone. Even in the few good relationships I've had, I always still felt some barrier between them and me. Even when I was small, I felt different. I don't mean that in a silly quirky girly way. I mean that in a deep dark horrific way where I always felt no one wanted me around. Some made it very clear to my face, while others made fun of me instead for being ugly or annoying. I was lucky, as my best friend from childhood never let those people affect our friendship. While everyone wanted to be her friend, she was always mine and never left me behind.

The struggles to feel wanted didn't stop at home. "Can you just stop talking?", "be quiet!", "I'm not going out with you wearing that.". I never felt it was okay to fully be myself. Always felt I had to be moving to function. Spinning, moving my legs, making noises, singing, getting easily excited but also easily upset. Over time I learned what to say to make others happy. To fit in better. To be liked. I found writing and it became my personality and existence. I saved my true self for those who stuck around. A rare few, until I left my hometown and realized I shouldn't have to save my real self for those who felt safe. I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone else because of fear. I shouldn't care how others feel about me in the first 5 minutes of meeting. I should just be me.... how do I do that?

I've asked myself that almost every day, and I can't remember exactly when it started. Sometime after leaving the state I used to call home, and instead found home in a person rather than a place on a map. Now, in the best place I've ever been, I feel myself being thrown back and forth from loving this real me and my anxiety telling me how no one will like her and to just go back to how I once was, knowing I can't. How do autistic women find friendships in adulthood? I hardly ever say it aloud because while I see self-diagnosis as valid for others, it feels bad for myself. My therapist said it could be childhood trauma, not autism, as they present similarly. I don't know how that makes me feel.

Regardless, I'll keep going. I'm afraid of all the times I'll feel like this in the future (so aware of my own existence and loneliness and how long the path is ahead), but I can't stop. I can't run away. I won't. I'll just keep going until I figure it out. It's what I'd advise to anyone else. "You can do it. You've come so far, and you're magnificent the way you are."

#autism #journaling #trauma #adulthood #healing

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this-is-a-love-story-isnt-it · 1 year

Text

I posted 1,425 times in 2022

That's 9 more posts than 2021!

384 posts created (27%)

1,041 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@moonwalkingspidersfrommars

@stellaluna33

@this-is-a-love-story-isnt-it

@inthetags

@oldnewyork

I tagged 774 of my posts in 2022

Only 46% of my posts had no tags

#mad about you - 71 posts

#paul buchman - 61 posts

#jamie buchman - 47 posts

#judging amy - 39 posts

#cute - 39 posts

#seven of nine - 35 posts

#me - 34 posts

#cats - 29 posts

#art - 25 posts

#private practice - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#one person was just like ‘oh it’s just a tool that draws inspiration from things around it. that’s what artists do.’

My Top Posts in 2022:

One of Spock’s most autistic-coded-character moments in Strange New Worlds:

Pike: “Do you want some coffee?” Spock: “I do not drink coffee. I do drink tea.” Pike: “All right. Would you like some tea?” Spock: “No, thank you, captain.”

😂 just clarifying the fact for accuracy even though he doesn’t want any

66 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

See the full post

71 notes - Posted December 24, 2022

Uhura and Spock singing major chords in a cave on a comet in order to communicate with it is what Star Trek is all about, tbh.

113 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

See the full post

412 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok, so I just watched Stranger Things 4 again but only the Robin/Steve/Nancy/Dustin/Max/Eddie/Lucas scenes, and I think that the writers 100% purposely made Robin autistic. I don't think it was accidental. Back in the 70s and 80s autism wasn't really a thing that doctors knew much about, and for YEARS they also thought only boys could have autism. So it's not going to be an actual thing in the story where Robin is like diagnosed or even suspects it, but there were too many autistic traits for it to be an accident. And I really like the way the writers did it. She's not nerdy or super awkward and overly quirky all the time. She is those things, but they're not "weird", if you know what I mean. But I remember the first time I watched it, the biggest thing that stuck out to me was when she kept asking Nancy if she was mad at her because Nancy was basically not being very friendly and Robin said she can't always tell if she annoys people because she's bad at picking up on social cues, which her mom reminds her of daily. Then there was the thing where she had to wear Nancy's clothes and she complained about how uncomfortable they were. Like she was so distracted the whole time because they felt scratchy and that the bra was digging into her… then she had a sensory overload outburst (sensory issues common in people with autism- commonly with clothes). Then when the police were escorting them out, the cop touched her arm when she turned to look at something and she spazzed out and sharply said "don't touch me" (autistic people commonly don't want to be touched or only like being touched on our terms). When Nancy said they had to run to the car and Robin said something like she's a bad runner because she has horrible coordination and it took her 6 months longer to learn to walk than all the other babies. And then how she would sometimes just interject in conversations with something super random and they'd all be like, "...okay?" Oh then when they were in the Upside-Down and trying to communicate with the others at the Wheeler's house, so they put their hands up to the lights and there was that like sparkly energy field around it or something, and someone said "It tingles" and Robin said, "It feels good." That's totally related to the sensory thing. I'm the same way- some things are so uncomfortable for me, but I also can't help touching things- like I have to know what things feel like and then I'll just keep touching it if it feels really cool. Oh, and then when she said her biggest fear was rabies? so random. and she knew so much stuff about it and was kind of obsessed with it for like a whole scene. Just so many things like that, and the first time around I didn't pick up on all of them, so rewatching those scenes with that lens was really fun and helped me notice more autistic traits in her. But I loved that she did have friends- they were just cool and loved her quirks (or with Nancy, she just put up with them even though Robin annoyed her so much). And she wasn't overly "weird". And she's smart without being nerdy. I guess I just really appreciate that the writers didn't go for the stereotypes and kind of naturally let those traits be revealed throughout the season.

472 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #My own blog was my 3rd most reblogged blog lmao #i just reblog my own posts a lot bc my Mad Aboit You posts sometimes het no notes the first time

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

New Romantics | Part Four

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings, oral sex (both), penetrative sex, Perv!Spencer low-key, public sex, quickies, multiple orgasms,

Word Count: 5k

a/n: what could possibly go wrong next?

She’s been asleep barely 2 hours when he shakes her awake, “Hey, when did you need to get ready today?”

“Uh?” She sits up and rubs her eyes, “we don’t have to leave until 1 so, like 11?”

“It’s 8:30, did you want to stay and sleep more?”

She looks at him and sighs, “are we okay?”

He nods, “can we just call it even?”

“Sure,” she agrees without knowing what she did wrong. It was more than just snapping on Tuesday, which is what she was still hurt over. “But I’m going to go, I need to change and stuff.”

“Yeah,” he nods but his smile is sad and she knows she’s fucking it up more.

She gets out of his bed, once it was the warmest bed she’s ever known. Any bed she shared with him was, but now it felt cold and uninviting and there was an unspoken knowingness that they were both genuinely upset.

“I’m still your fake girlfriend for the next 24 hours… can we make them count?” She asks, avoiding eye contact so he can't see her cry if he says no.

“Come here?”

She gets back into the bed and she cuddles into his chest. He holds her for a moment, “you’ve been the best girlfriend in the whole world. Do you really still want to be friends after this? Have I fucked up that bad?”

“Oh honey,” she places a hand on his cheek and looks at him softly, “I will be your neighbour, your best friend, your co-worker, carpool buddy, coffee friend, girlfriend, whatever you need as long as you’d like to have me around.”

He remembers the first time she said that and she knows because his smile is the same. “I love you.”

It hurts, “I love you, too.”

She kisses him quickly, attempting to pull back when his fingers grip her hair and his tongue is on her lips and she’s following his lead again.

“No,” she whispers, “I can’t.”

“Oh,” he stops and his hands drop to his sides so she can get back up.

“I’m going to go get ready, but I’ll come back when I’m done?”

“Yeah,” he nods again.

It breaks her heart to get up and go, she grabs her shoes and she sneaks out of his room, finding her keys in her pocket, she opens her own door and cries the second the door closes.

She cries in the shower, she cries while fixes her hair, she cries while she has lunch. Every song reminds her of the situation, every section of her apartment reminds her of him, the stupid door where they first kissed is closed and she wishes he was stable enough to bang on it and demand an answer.

Whatever was going on between them was reaching a bubbling over point, she can only store so much emotion before she explodes on him.

As soon as she is in her dress, makeup on and ready to go, she walks into his apartment to find him struggling with his bowtie, it makes her smile for the first time since she left his room this morning, “need help?”

“Yes, please.”

She walks over to him and repeats the same movements he attempted, making the bow look pretty before smoothing her hands over his dress shirt and looking up at him. “Handsome as ever.”

“You’re always beautiful,” he compliments her right back but his voice is still as sad as the night before.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on in there?” She pries, tapping his temple with her index finger, “you’re my best friend and I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“I heard what you said yesterday,” he whispers, “about how if you were just using someone you would have picked Derek.”

“And?” She doesn’t get why it’s a big deal because it makes perfect sense to her in her mind.

“And it hurt me,” he snaps, “quite a lot!?”

And the dam breaks.

“Because I proved to them that I’m not using you? Spencer do you know what I meant by that?” She snaps right back.

“What else could it mean?! Clearly I’m not hot enough for you to just fuck and toss aside—”

“I meant that I love you and that’s why I’m with you! If I was just using someone for a job then I’d fuck Derek cause he’s a one and done, toss them to the side and never see them again, kind of guy!”

“And?” He repeats her word choice in a snippy tone that makes her furious but she knows he’s just trying his best to understand her.

She sighs loudly and obnoxiously, “and you’re a take him to meet your mom, marry and have his babies, love him for the rest of your life and one day scatter his ashes, kind of lover.” Crying by the end, she wipes her tears and tries to stay somewhat presentable-looking.

He’s silent, eyes wide as he takes in all her words, “I have always loved you,” she adds, “and no matter how fucking angry I am or how stressed or upset, I am never going to stop loving you, Spencer.”

“Me either,” his tone is still just as upset, “and that's the part that sucks.”

“What do you mean?” She just poured her heart out to him and he still doesn’t get it.

“I LOVE YOU!” He screams it at her with his hands thrown in the air, “I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in my entire fucking life and it’s driving me crazy!”

“It’s driving you crazy?” She can’t help but laugh like she’s losing her mind, “I have been doing everything in my power to make you understand that I love you and you keep thinking I just want to be friends!”

“Because you said you loved me like a friend the first time?!”

“No, I fucking didn’t!” She is so frustrated she’s turning the same colour as her dress, steaming from her ears like a cartoon character.

“I asked if best friends can be in love because I wanted to see if you would say you loved me more than that, and then you fucking said “yeah cause that’s how I love you” which means you love me as a friend?!”

“Because I thought that’s what you wanted?!”

She can’t rub her eyes cause she’ll ruin her makeup but she is so mad she just wants to scream. Pressing her fingers to her own temples, she turns away from him and sighs, she loves him so much and yet this is the most frustrating thing that’s ever happened.

“You are so lucky,” she just laughs, shaking her head back and forth as she turns back to him, “you are so fuckin’ lucky.”

“Why?”

She wraps her arms around his middle and looks up into his eyes with one last sigh, “we have to go or we’ll be late, so I can’t explain all of my feelings right now, so let’s bench this conversation and I can show you just how much I love you when we get back?”

“Okay,” he nods. He rests his hands on her arms and he looks down with the softest glance, he’s still trying so hard to not cry. ��I’m really sorry.”

“So am I, I should have listened to you better and explained myself more,” she whispers, “do you believe me now?”

He nods, “I told you, it’s hard for me.”

“I tried my best to be subtle so I didn’t scare you off, but I guess you really don’t do subtle?” She can’t help but laugh, “but I really do love you.”

His hands are on her cheeks, pulling her into a kiss, she melts against him. He breathes her in, it’s the longest and deepest kiss she’s ever had and she honestly feels like he’s taking her soul and making her his. She belongs to him and she knows it, now he does too.

“I love you, too.”

—

All eyes are on her and it makes him smile, she’s the only one in a red dress in a room full of black and white, she stands out like a sore thumb. She looks the most beautiful, she stands beside Spencer with her arm wrapped around his and a huge smile on her face, it makes him even happier to see her smile again.

The hardest part of fighting with her was knowing she was upset and that he was only making it worse. Seeing her smile return is everything to him, he loves her more than words can express and she loves him right back, he can tell by the way she smiles at him; because it’s exactly the same way he’s smiling at her.

“I see that you’ve made up,” Derek interrupts their current dance to say hello.

The BAU team was always so busy on nights like this, they had all the best stories and everyone wanted to hear them, which meant they typically didn’t see each other a lot for the whole night.

“We did,” Spencer smiles. “Thank’s Derek.”

She looks up at them both, confused, “how many of them know?”

“Huh?” He plays dumb but she can see right through him.

“Do they all know I’m not really your girlfriend or is it just Aaron, Derek and whoever else you told?”

“Elle,” he says her name. “I told the first girl I slept with that I was falling in love with you because I needed advice from someone who has already been with me and knows how I get.”

“Sick, cool, love that for you,” she smiles and walks away.

He grabs her and she stops, “I told you how much it hurt that I had no one to talk to and you told all of them? And you couldn’t even tell me you really loved me this whole time? I thought we were best friends Spencer?” She shakes her head, disappointed more than anything, swatting his hand off her as he reaches to stop her.

“Let her go, she’s right to be a little mad,” Derek holds him back. “let her be mad.”

“Why?” Spencer is so new to relationships he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“She wants to be your girlfriend for real, let her calm down and then go apologize and ask her,” Derek's smile is sweet as he pulls Spencer into a hug.

It slowly becomes a dance, everyone is used to Derek being touchy with his friends, he has danced with everyone so far tonight so it’s only fair Spencer has a turn. Spencer holds him tight, eyes closed so he doesn’t have to think about all the attention he’s been getting since they arrived.

“Thank you for always being here for me,” he whispers, “but I have to go see her.”

“Fights like this just make your relationship stronger, it teaches you how she wants you to communicate, she just wants you to be honest with her, always,” he whispers with his cheek pressed to Spencer's, “and angry make-up sex is really fun.”

It makes him laugh, “thanks, but she won’t be sleeping with me for a few days, if my memory is correct then she’s mad for more than one reason.”

“Ah,” Derek gets it, “good luck my friend. Good luck.”

When Spencer pulls away, he heads in the direction Y/N left and follows the hallway as far as it goes. She’s sitting on a bench by a window, staring off at the night sky as she takes some deep breaths. She looks a little more peaceful, she’s had a really rough few weeks and he’s not making it any easier on her.

“I know two things for sure,” he speaks softly but she still jumps a little as she turns to him.

“What would they be?”

“That you’re the love of my life,” he’s confident as he sits on the bench beside her and takes her hand in his. “And I’m an idiot when it comes to love.”

“That is quite the dilemma,” she smirks, her eyes gleam as she looks at him and he knows she was trying not to cry by how glossy they are, but it makes her more beautiful, somehow.

“I’m really sorry.”

“All you have to do is tell me the truth, Spencer,” she places her hand on his leg and leans in with a whisper, “it’s really simple.”

“Truth is,” he whispers right back, lips close enough to kiss, “I’m never going to stop loving you, which means more stupid moments are in my future. Just so you know.”

She giggles and kisses him quickly, “I don’t mind being the smart one in the relationship, but you still have to ask.”

“Will you be my girlfriend and let me love you for the rest of my life, no matter how much I fuck up and drive you crazy?” He teases her, knowing she’ll say yes regardless.

“On one condition,” she can’t hide the smirk on her face and he’s nervous at what she’s thinking.

“Anything?”

“You let me love you for just as long? If not longer.”

He nods, “forever?”

She nods back before kissing him just as deeply as they did that morning, her hands in his hair as she presses his face into her’s with force. She holds him there and breathes him in, pulling back with a classic smooch sound, she smiles again, “you’re my boyfriend now.”

He nods with a small smile, “what should we do first as boyfriend and girlfriend?”

She bites her lip and pretends to think about it for a moment, “fuck in the linen closet down the hall?”

“I don’t have any condoms on me?” Is his only worry, not getting caught, not that all their bosses and superiors were there, just that he didn’t have a condom.

She pulls one out of her bra with a smile, “Savannah gave this to me about 3 minutes before you came over here.”

“How much make-up sex do they have?” He asks as he takes her hand and leads her down the hallway.

She’s giddy and smiling, her heels click on the floor as they rush to the other end of the hall and open the little door. There are shelves with towels and rolls upon rolls of silverware in cloth napkins. A vacuum in the corner, some brooms and just enough room for them.

She pulls him in closer and shuts the door, reconnecting their lips as she pushes him up against it. Hands reaching for his belt she kisses down his neck and he’s like putty in her hands as soon as she strokes him, he moans by accident and she covers his mouth with her free hand.

“Do you have any idea how turned on you make me? I have wanted to fuck you since I first saw you, 6 years ago…”

“Really?” His muffled voice behind her hand makes her laugh. She removes her hand and instead runs her fingers through his hair while taking a moment to look at him and really take it all in.

“Yeah,” she nods, “which is why I asked to sleep with you on the way home from the bar, I didn’t know if I could handle it either it, but I’ve always wanted Doctor Reid from the BAU to rail me. I just didn’t think we’d end up falling in love?”

“No one has ever admitted to having a crush on me and meant it,” he whispers.

“I’m glad I get to be one of your firsts,” she smiles again before he pulls her into another kiss.

She kisses the side of his mouth and then his jaw, down his neck and then she’s dropping to her knees in front of him. He’s hard in her hands but he twitches as he sees her like this, looking up at him with lust-blown eyes as she strokes him, she flattens her tongue and taps the tip of his cock to it.

He has to cover his own mouth or else he’s going to get them caught, he moans at the feeling, closing his eyes and that's when she takes him in her mouth. His free hand is in her hair, careful not to mess it up but enough grip to steady himself.

He tilts his head back against the door with a knock and a sign, “fuck,” he can’t help but talk into his hand which only makes it sound louder in the tight space.

She feels so good every single time and yet this one feels different, he looks down at her and she pulls off, “what’s wrong?”

“I love you,” he shrugs.

He helps her back up to her feet and she backs up against the shelves, “come here?”

He helps her hike her dress up, holding all the material up as he slips her underwear off and takes that condom back out of her bra with a single kiss to her chest. He rolls it over himself and lines up with her, her arms wrap around his shoulders as she looks at him, “show me how much you love me?”

He slides in and they don’t break eye contact as she takes him, her mouth opens in a silent gasp at the feeling, her hands grip his shoulders tighter as she steadies her ass on a shelf and wraps her legs around him while he bottoms out.

With a hand on her cheek and one on her lower back, he pulls out and thrusts back in with a smile as she bites back a moan, she pulls his face in close to hers to kiss him while he fucks her. The hand on his cheek slides down her neck, applying a small amount of pressure that makes her breathing hitch. She swallows sharply before his hand starts to trail over her breasts and then between them.

With a thumb on her clit, he fucks her a little harder while rubbing his thumb in a circle. She’s breathing heavily into his mouth, placing sloppy kisses against each other as they enjoyed each other.

She’s so close and he knows it, and then there is a knock on the door.

“Spence, we have a case when you’re done?” He hears Derek's voice behind the door and he can’t believe it.

“Okay!” He calls back without stopping, instead, he fucks into her a little faster.

“Oh!” She moans by accident before covering her mouth with a slap and wide eyes, moaning behind her hand as she bounces on his cock.

He kisses her hand, making her move it so he can press his lips back to hers and absorb all the noises she was going to make, her hands both reach for his back, gripping his suit jacket so tight he’s afraid she might rip it.

She cums with a shocked gasp, it’s as quiet as possible but it still echos around them as he gets closer and closer. He buries his face in her neck and accidentally moans as well as he cums, stilling his hips as he holds her there, sputtering his hips against hers as they catch their breath.

“I love you,” he manages to say between breaths, “that much.”

“You need to go,” she smiles.

He kisses her one last time before he pulls out, he loves the way she gasps every time he does so. She smiles after, their teeth clashing as they laugh, “I’m going to get in so much trouble.”

“I’m never going to get a job,” she shakes her head as she gets off the shelf and fixes her dress.

He takes off the condom and wraps it in some paper towel on the shelf, he’ll get rid of it later. She picks up her underwear, he thinks she puts them back on, but she really slides them into his pocket for him to find in the middle of the case when he reaches for something important...

—

She rides back to headquarters with Penelope and JJ, both of them want to ask and she knows it. Mainly because she looks like she’s had sex, and also because she asks to stop at the academy so she can get another pair of underwear from her locker.

It’s not until they’re in Penelope’s office that they ask, “what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” She plays dumb.

“Dating Spencer?” Penelope says, “more specifically, having sex with him?” She mumbles and it makes Y/N laugh.

“In total, we’ve been having sex for 3 weeks now and I’ve had 21 orgasms, and we only really fuck on the weekends cause that’s when we’re not busy…” she grinds her teeth slightly with a raised brow, taking a deep breath, “yeah. It’s really great.”

“Holy shit?” They both look more shocked than she’s ever seen them. “How many has he had?” Penelope asks with a quiet voice, pretending she didn’t.

She laughs slightly, “like maybe 14? He’s really generous.”

“What the fuck?” JJ turns to Penelope and shakes her head and there’s something more there that Y/N can sense.

“Who’s Elle?” She asks and they both turn to her with the biggest eyes.

“How do you know about Elle?”

“She’s the first person he slept with?”

“When?” They both shout.

“So he wasn’t kidding. You guys really thought he was a virgin this whole time?” She looks at them like they’re crazy. “How?”

They both just shake their heads and sigh, stuttering and looking for words they don’t have. “We just never thought he could?”

“Snooze ya loose, I guess?” She shrugs, “so what is the case and how can I help?”

“Right! We have a case,” Penelope snaps back into it, “but seriously Elle? Are you sure you have your names right?”

“Penelope,” she looks at her seriously.

“Right, they’re headed to Roanoke.”

There was a child abduction of a 6-year-old girl, CARD and the BAU were both called out and that meant everyone was mingling on the two floors and they would use as much help as possible.

It also turns out that Anderson’s surrogate went into labour a little earlier than anyone expected; so he and his husband have left for paternity leave early. Leaving JJ without an assistant and she really needs help in the office for this one.

She catches on rather quickly, knowing the protocols from her training and she’s not afraid to ask questions. She’s still in her dress, her heels click on the tiles as she rushes around with files, making phone calls and running from the briefing room to Penelope’s office.

When they finally crack the case and apprehend the suspect, she sits down finally. It’s been 11 hours since the banquet, and she was exhausted beyond belief. She never slept the night before, Spencer was uncomfortable and she was in her jeans and when she did fall asleep, he was waking her up moments later to get ready.

It's Sunday morning at 9 am when Spencer finally returns back at headquarters. She’s sitting at his desk when he comes up and wraps his arms around her, “we’re going home, come on.”

“Don’t you have to debrief?”

“Did that on the way back,” he turns her around in the role chair and tilts her head up to look at him, she’s so tired and he can tell. “You have a big day tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” she stands up with his help, “I did enough profiling today and now I have a whole week to get through.”

“Just to come back and work here,” he smiles, “if you still want to?”

She wraps him up in a real hug and nods against him, “it’s so fun, even with all the murder.”

“Coming home to this is really nice,” he whispers before kissing her cheek quickly, “I’m glad you like it here.”

“Well, well, well,” Derek's voice is behind them. They pull away to see him smiling, arms wide as he saunters over, “if it isn’t the new romantics.”

“Did you have any suspicions?” Y/N asks, he was a profiler after all.

“I knew something was up,” he’s honest. “I knew you guys were actually doing stuff together, I just didn’t think there was so much angst behind closed doors?”

“You have no idea,” Y/N laughs, holding Spencer closer, “it took too long.”

“I thought you were fighting about the job, cause he wasn’t really upset until you were in Penelope’s office, and I heard the rumours even before he heard what you said,” Derek smiles again, “but I also knew you loved him and he loves you.”

“Correct,” she can’t help but smile. “But we really should head home.”

“Home we go,” Spencer agrees.

—

She asks him to unzip her dress the second they’re back in her apartment. She drops the dress to the floor and heads to the bathroom and he’s left alone in her room. It feels different now. He remembers kissing her in the living room for the first time like it was yesterday, he remembers the first time they had sex, the first time he said I love you, and now he’s here and she’s his girlfriend and he’s going to get to make more memories with her.

He’s so embarrassed by how much he’s been crying lately, something about being in his mid-30s was making him feel like he was about to go through menopause— he has never been very openly emotional, but it’s about time he lets himself feel. He wipes the tears and turns to face the wall while he takes his suit off.

He’s been through too much, a lot of which she doesn’t know of. She has promised him forever, whether she means it or not, and he’s worried he’s going to fuck it up before he gets there.

When she comes back, she lays a towel down on her side of the bed and gets in, “guess who got her period on her first day of work?”

“No?” He gasps, playing along with her playful mood. “At least you’re not pregnant.”

“Thank god,” she sighs, “please for the love of God, don’t get me pregnant for at least 5 years? I want a decent career first so that I don't miss much on maternity leave. I really don't want to be benched for having kids.”

He cries again and she looks so concerned as she gets out of bed and wraps her arms around him, “what did I say wrong, Spencer?”

Still facing the wall, he just lets it all out, “I’m sorry.”

“For what, sweetheart?” She attempts to soothe him by running her hands down his arms, “for crying or something else?”

“Crying,” he whispers and she turns him around then.

“Hey,” she looks up at him with the softest expression he’s ever seen, “you are allowed to have emotions, you are allowed to show them and ask for help and tell me when you need something. I’m not going to think you’re too much, or I can’t handle you or think of you as a burden. I know that’s how you feel because it’s how I fell, and we don’t need to go through that together.”

“I love you,” it’s the only thing that feels right to say.

“I love you,” she repeats it, “what made you cry?”

“Can we get in bed first?”

“Yeah, finish getting ready and then come tell me,” she whispers before reaching up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He slips away to go to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. He’s exhausted but he doesn’t want to miss any time with her. He hurries back to her side, getting into bed in his underwear and making sure both his phones are on the night table, charged and ready if they need him.

But until then, he belonged to her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep?” It’s the first thing he asks because he knows she has a big day tomorrow. “It can wait.”

“What’s that thing you say about intermittent sleep is actually better?”

“Don’t use my words against me, I do that so people don’t stop me from doing what I think I deserve,” he’s truthful. “I’m not going to ever lie or fib to you again. I hate myself, and if I don’t feel like I’ve done enough I won't sleep or eat sometimes.”

“I do that too,” she’s not proud, “are you trying to tell me you cried cause you’re hungry or tired?”

“No,” he smiles, “but thank you for asking for clarification, I like this new system.”

“Me too.”

“I cried because I really love you and I’m realizing this is all real and I’m going to get to make good memories with you, and when you said kids, even in a hypothetical sense, it made it feel real for me,” he whispers the words before pressing his lips together awkwardly.

She glows in the lap light like she did that first night, “it’s a weird concept, isn’t it? The future. At some point I’m going to have known you longer than anyone, one day we’ll have lived with each other longer than we’ve lived apart. We might be grandparents together one day? It’s all weird to think about.”

“Do you seriously want all that with me?” He’s asking because he has another question to ask right after.

“Yes, Spencer,” she laughs. “I really do.”

“Would you like to Marry me?”

“Seriously?” Her eyes widen and her jaw drops and he’s never seen her look this stunned before.

He nods, “my mom isn’t going to able to appreciate my wedding the longer I wait, and if you really mean it; I’d like to have a wedding with my mom there while she remembers me.”

“I know her birthday is coming up, but can we bring her here instead?”

“Why?”

“My parents decided to drive from Salam to here for my graduation and use the flight money on a nice Airbnb for the week. We should do it while they’re all here because I don’t know when they’d be able to come back,” she has had the same worries about her parents missing her life.

“I’ll ask my mom,” he smiles. “So we’re getting married?”

“in like a week,” she laughs, “oh fuck, how are we going to do that in a week?”

He rolls over and grabs his personal phone, he dials a number and she looks even more confused now.

“Hey Penelope, how fast can you plan a wedding?”

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxomgg @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @Meganskane @gubeskneescrew

New Romantics:

@bunny-script @ficsrecsforhrnybitches @ne--yo-pets @rexorangecouny @valerieweasley @beepbooptoop @coldlilheart @andiebeaword @anonymous-reading

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #new romantics

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hannah-the-red-head · 3 years

Text

A Third Submission to the Imagines Society”

(League of villains meets an Autistic child with a quirk that is the definition of too good for this world and then some)

You were a tiny thing when Twice, Toga and Magne stumbled across you at the park, staring intently at what looked like your shoes with your back turned.

Magne summarized that you were most likely around 5 or 6 years old based on the kindergarten uniform you wore, the adorable hat hanging on your back while your (h/l), (h/s) (h/c) was out and about. Usually, the tree would lose interest after a while and go about their merry way.

But there was something about you that made them stay, Toga’s curiosity getting the best of her as she skipped over to where you were on your knees, she then peeked over a shoulder to see you staring in awe at butterfly that was softly moving it’s wings while resting on the petals of a blossom planted in the nearby garden.

It was one that she had never seen before, well at least in real life, but the sandy blonde remembered that she had once seen it on the internet somewhere.

It was a monarch butterfly, and last she or anyone else knew, the species were hanging by a thread and close to extinction over the last 56 years. She had admit that the pictures were close to nothing compared to the real thing as Toga watched with starry eyes at how the orange colors splashed with black and white glowed in the sunlight.

Magne herself, followed by Twice then decided to follow toga’s lead when she began to giggle like an actual schoolgirl instead of the blood obsessed vampire they knew and loved. The two peeking at the sight of both you and Toga being the surprising perches of a collection of what looked to be more Monarch butterflies that seemingly appeared out of no where.

And one of them was perched right on the tip of Toga’s nose.

Meanwhile, you had taken notice that you had a butterfly watching buddy the second you felt her crouched down next to you, your glowing (e/c) eyes staring at her with curiosity before deciding that she was interesting enough for you to deem her harmless, despite not knowing the truth.

Because in your young and innocent head, anyone that appreciated butterflies as much as you did was a good person and/or possible friend in your book.

She looked at you when she felt your eyes on her and gave you a big smile, which from what you learned meant that she was happy. So that meant that she likes you too. You smiled widely back and a series of bright rainbow colored balls of light lifted themselves off your little form, your quirk creating more butterflies from them while your new friend’s eyes sparkled.

Your quirk was called Wonder, the specialist who gave it that name having been inspired by the same emotion felt after witnessing you use your quirk at first hand to bring a rat back to life after it had been killed by a mousetrap, and later on when they returned back to the room to see that it had been filled with butterflies flying beautifully above them.

Nowadays, you mainly used your quirk to create butterflies.

Why?

Because butterflies made you happy, they made you calm, they took your worries away... and watching them was akin to what your therapist at the orphanage called stimming, your hand movements if you easily became overwhelmed resembling a butterfly flapping it’s delicate wings.

You were also fond of anything that felt like the texture closest to what you thought butterfly wings looked. However, this obsession was also the reason why your were ostracized by the other children, ignored completely by them at the worst despite how hard the workers at the orphanage tried to explain what your condition was.

You didn’t understand why the workers had the need to get the other kids to like you, if you wanted friends, you’d get some yourself on your own.

And you never understood why you had to take speech therapy, wasn’t writing in your notebook enough? You hated loud noises, they scared away things, things that are... nice.

Things like butterflies and rats and rabbits and deer, which meant that you couldn’t appreciate them anymore if they left.

So, why was there a need to make noise or let alone talk? You could never control how loud your voice was anyways. You didn’t care about how sometimes you overheard the caretakers at the orphanage whispered things about how alien you acted.

Which led to where you were now, little you having completely forgotten that you were separated from the other children heading back towards the orphanage after school had finished when you eyes spotted a flower that looked familiar until your quirk manifested the butterfly.

They sounded as if you were broken as a human.

When in reality you weren’t, you weren’t broken and needed to be fixed. At first it made you believe those words, but the moments where your eyes caught onto anything relating to those paper thin wings that radiated with the colors of the rainbow, you’re mind went to an alternate world where those who spoke about your strangeness were nonexistent.

It was then that you remembered seeing the same flower from the picture book at your school, the pink and green flora being the type of chosen roost for the orange, white and black insect to rest on if they got tired.

You never knew how much time passed when you felt your new friend’s presence near you until you turned around silently to see a schoolgirl older than your smiling peacefully at your creation, who then smiled at you.

Smiles meant something good, right?

Your quirk activated instinctually, your subconscious telling you to make your friend happy again by creating more things that made her happy, like how butterflies made you happy. You watched as the manifested insects flew over to the girl and rested on her shoulders, two nestled on the wild hair of her twin buns and one on her nose, the sensation of it’s delicate wings tickling her skin bringing a giggle out of her.

You copied her, giggling as well as you knew that laughing is what friends did. The exchange between you two led to a pair of others appearing behind your friend, the both of them watching in awe at how gentle you were.

Meanwhile in their perspective, Twice and big sis Magne were in awe.

This was a side of Toga that the pair had never seen before, so their interest in you grew steadily as they approached you both, seeing that the number of butterflies had grown the closer the became, the same orbs of light appearing to change into other species before the skies above the park had clouds of multicolored wings flying above like a piece of artwork created by nature.

It felt like a blessing to witness a sight like this, a much desired peace accomplished after so many months of being on the run from heroes and the police.

Twice jumped up and began to comically twirl about among the flocks of winged bugs, his splitting personalities having been silenced by the Nirvana he felt surrounding him, only stopping when he heard a few giggles left your mouth while you tried to keep up with him and Toga’s free styling dances without a care in the world.

The four of you not caring that you were getting strange looks and even scowls from those who crossed your paths in order to get a better look at the butterflies conjured by your beautiful quirk.

By the time the sun had set, you and your new friends had collapsed onto the grass, laughing in between breaths from all the fun you shared in those hours of innocent fun.

And you were the one to give that sense of childhood purity of fun back to them without realizing it. In your mind, you were happy that you had finally made friends by yourself as with a kick of your short legs you sat up and turned to the one closest to you, a tall woman with sunglasses and short hair the other two called “Big Sis Mag”.

You poked her cheek and she turned her face towards yours. Taking a deep breath, you decided to try something new that you hadn’t done or were comfortable with.

You: (Yy...yourrr n....nnamme!).... (Your Name)!

It was hard at first, being silent for most of your childhood being the reason as to why you sounded like a newborn attempting to say their first word. But the pride you felt as you pointed to yourself when you said your name clearly on the second try was amazing.

“Big Sis’” eyebrows shot up in surprise, and you understood why she was shocked as the only noises you made were giggles and squeals.

You: (Your name)!.... B-big sissy... Mmmmmag! Fr...friends! T-t-too...Toga! Fri..ends! Twi...Twice! Friends!

All three had unknown expressions present while you gave them a wide toothy grin that you had never given anyone except for your mama.

Twice: I think I’m gonna cry.... No, I’m not! Grow a pair!

Twice cartoonishly wept through his mask, tears that would only exist within an Animé pouring from the eyes of his black and grey mask before stopping almost immediately, his face changing to that of a stoic man drawn in comic books.

Toga just smiled at Twice, before a weak tug on her cardigan pulled her attentions to you, your arms held out wide and with an excited glow to you. You always remembered the warmth your mother’s hugs were growing up, how safe and loved you felt when your adorable self tackled her leg in a weak koala hug before she pulled you into her own arms.

Toga: Oh does (y/n)-chan want a hug?

You nodded and tackled the blonde, arms wrapped around her neck with you cheek pressed against hers, something your mother called “cuddle bumps” as you hated it when someone kissed you.

You: C-cu-cuddle bu-bumps!

Twice: I want cuddle bumps! No, I don’t that’s weird!

You nuzzled your cheek against hers, the teenage girl internally squealing and hugging you back as she was overcome with a sense of some maternal need to protect you and the light your little self emanated, both figuratively and literally as your quirk caused you to glow a warm pink color.

Toga playfully stuck out her tongue towards him, when an idea came to her.

—————

Shigaraki: And the most logical thing that you could ever think of in that moment.... was to bring this brat home?!

Toga’s cheeks puffed up as she hugged your little form from behind while you fiddled with your quirk, a manifested butterfly perched in the palm of your hand. You loved the feeling of your big sister’s soft cardigan as she hugged you.

Toga: Of course, Shiggy! I mean they’re an orphan left behind by those “caretakers”, we even waited to see if anyone would come looking.

Twice: Yeah, it was so nerve wracking! I was bored beyond belief....

Shigaraki let out an aggravated sigh, knowing that you had wormed your way into the hearts of the most in the league, Dabi being the first to cave when you used your quirk to soothe the pain in his burnt skin. He didn’t know why, but the fire quirk user’s eyes softened when you gazed up at his skin and your smile faded, a look of genuine worry that he possibly never experienced in some time as your tiny hand went up to hold his hand with the both of yours.

The rest of the already shocked league watching as an aura glowed from your small form, the glow then moving up your arms and finally covering Dabi in the glow before then pulling away into orbs that popped like soap bubbles filled with fireflies.

Dabi reacted in a way that not even he could describe as all the unbearable burning pain his scars brought him disappeared, a strange surge of.... calm washed over him.

It was the kind of calm that one would feel when a powerful storm dissipates, allowing the warm sun to bathe the earth once again.

And it was the type of calm that brought a heavy exhale out of Dabi, almost as if he had finally learned to breathe, tears falling down his cheeks and startling him, a hand shooting up to touch his wet face and pulling it away to see what was falling from his eyes.

This... made the tears fall harder.

Dabi had long forgotten what it felt like to cry actual salt water tears instead of blood. A relieved upwards tilt pulled at his lips as he fell to his knees before you, no words exchanged, just glances and a gentle grip of your joined hands.

You: No pain?

Your concern overweighed your struggling speech, your free hand raising up to hover next to his cheek. He chuckled softly, allowing you to place your hands onto his face.

Dabi: No pain. All better.

Your quirk was befitting for such a gentle, caring and kind being as you.

To put it simply, you could restore a person’s injuries, negative outlook on life due to traumatic experiences, and even their lost sense of morality via through your touch, being in your presence, or even by witnessing your creations first hand.

This was your power, a quirk that purified the evil living within this cruel world.

You could literally restore a person or persons lost sense of morality, your quirk changing a sociopathic killer into a saint seeking redemption just by spending an hour with you.

Your quirk also allowed you to heal any kind of wound or cure any illness, it could even replace missing limbs and the like as long as you kept your focus.

And it was meant to be protected.

Which is why you were taken into the protection of the league of villains, the only group of people who were the first to actually care for you after your mama’s passing, and didn’t speak badly of you or your condition.

Because they didn’t mind that you were autistic, they didn’t see you as broken or wrong. How did you know that they didn’t ostracize you?

They told you.

Twice: You, broken? Ha, that’s fresh! At least you don’t have more than one voice in your head...

Toga: My quirk needs me to drink the blood of the person i’m going to transform into in order for it to work, and because of that, I was pushed away by everyone for how creepy it made me look.

Magne: Anyone would be proud to call you their kid with a drop of a hat. So what if your special needs, it doesn’t make you any less human, sweetie.

Dabi didn’t say anything when you asked, in your broken speech, if you were broken. Instead, he just ruffled your hair and let you wear his jacket all day.

Compress: This world is filled with imperfections, but who is to say that imperfections are ugly and unwanted. To me, imperfections are where true beauty lies as it shows that despite their flaws, they try again and again to make themselves better.

Spinner: Kid, I am a walking talking lizard with pink hair and a desire to follow Stain’s path to create a society where only those who embody the traits of true heroes like All Might are allowed to become heroes.

You didn’t know how to react as he continued.

Spinner: If anything, you are the most normal out of all of us, so don’t go hating on yourself because you’re brain is wired differently. You’re perfect just the way you are.

Magne: Aww, that’s so sweet of you to say, Spinner!

Spinner: BIG SIS MAGNE?!?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!

Toga: Enough to know that you give the best pep talks!~

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marinetteplztakeabreak · 3 years

Text

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

#ninogami #ninami #nino lahiffe #kagami tsurugi #miraculous ladybug #ml #fic tag #dont want to tag this with the other ship because the tumblr algorithm is weird #and i dont want it going in the tag because theres no content for that ship and this directly opposes it #but i respect nino and alyas relationship so much they are so good and perfect #but im also terminally a multishipper #and ninogami is so darn precious too i love them #i just try not think about the circumstances with alya in this shup #ship #just imagine she and nino are still close bros and alya is dating marinette or adrien or whoever else you want

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thechangeling · 3 years

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But you like her better: Part 1

This fic features Kit's potential new girlfriend hinted at in a letter from Tessa to Magnus in CC's newsletter. A bunch of people in the fandom built her from the ground up @littlx-songbxrd @foxglove-airmid @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno and @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood to name a few, and gave her a personality, name and backround. Their name is Marí.

Kit uses he/they pronouns in this fic and Marí uses she/they.

Cw: Disassociation (or at least how I experience it idk it might not be the same for everyone), negative self talk, self injurious stims, and bad coping mechanisms.

Title is from Heather by Conan Gray.

Marìa. Marí as she preferred to be called, was a bubbly kind soul with a wide inviting smile and a melodic voice.

Even Ty could admit that they were quite beautiful, despite not seeing women (or in Marí's case anyone who was particularly alienated with womanhood,) in a romantic or sexual light. It took him awhile to realize he was gay, but when he did it just seemed so obvious. He had gone through a minor phase of experimentation at the scholomance when he was younger but it hadn't lasted long.

Still Marí was stunning. And perhaps what made her even more stunning was her kindness and generosity. Ty had met her on the beach in LA while she and her parents were visiting the LA institute for a downworlder/shadowhunter summit being held by Helen, Aline, Mark and Cristina, similar to the one Julian held in 2012.

Ty noticed that Tessa and Jem were present, but Kit was not. He was not exactly sure how that should make him feel. So Ty elected to push the pain in his chest further down. To shove all if his unresolved feelings and worries and questions about Kit Herondale back into the metaphorical box and move on.

So he had gone outside to walk on the beach to distract himself when he found Marí sitting on the sand and crying.

Apparently according to them, they had come across a few dead moon jellyfish, or Aurelia aurita as was more scientifically accurate, that had washed up on the beach.

Ty remembered being moved by how she had such compassion for another living creature who wasn't even a person. It was rare. Ty had helped her bury them. She seemed wary and a little hostile around him at first, noticing his runes. She was clutching her body tightly. Ty noticed her anxiety and told her how he was also a lover of aquatic life and he found marine biology fascinating. This had prompted her to instantly change demeanor and become very excited and start jumping up and down and waving her hands before she told him that she was studying marine biology at university in Devon.

The mention of Devon should gave promoted Ty to wonder if Marí knew Kit but he was still putting up mental blocks to protect himself from the Kit situation so it hadn't crossed Ty's mind.

They had sat on the beach and talked for hours. Marí told him their name and that they used she/they pronouns. They also told Ty that they were from Devon, but their family was from Loiza, a city on the Northeastern coast of Puerto Rico. And also that they were all werewolves who pretty much hated shadowhunters but he seemed ok because he liked jellyfish. They mentioned that marine biology was one of their special interests and that they were autistic and had ADHD.

It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell Marí about him also being autistic but Ty being guarded and asocial, decided not to and told her as little as possible. He supposed he had some trust issues after everything. He mentioned his name, that he was attending the scholomance, and a few basic facts about his family. He also talked about his friend Alyssa Reyes.

Alyssa or Ali as he called her, was a werewolf with Maia's pack in New York. She was assigned as a liaison to the scholomance to act as a bridge between the werewolves and future centurions. And BOY had she complained about it. Alyssa was basically the president of the fuck shadowhunters club and she was autistic and had ADHD. She and Marí would have gotten along quite well.

Marí overall did most of the talking but she didn't seem to mind. On the contrary.

Ty had no idea that by that point they were already dating Kit.

When Kit returned with apologetic smiles and a new found charisma and confidence, he also brought her. And she was so happy to see Ty again that he felt so guilty for feeling torn up inside.

Ty couldn't hate Marí. Not even if he tried. They hadn't done anything wrong and neither had Kit. So Ty would just have to settle for hating himself for being angry over nothing.

Kit and Ty weren't really talking. Sure they had exchanged some words together when basically forced to, but Kit was being standoffish and Ty was still feeling a little annoyed. But mostly hurt. Ty had heard that Kit was using he/they pronouns and now identified as genderfluid. He had so many questions for Kit but Ty knew he couldn't ask. At least not right now.

Currently Ty was watching Kit and Marí talking. Kit was in the middle of telling her what looked to be a funny story based on the way she was laughing. Kit pushed a lock of dark curly hair back behind her ear and smiled.

Ty felt queasy. He bit his lip and averted his gaze trying to shake off the horrible feeling. Everytime he saw them together his chest felt like it was being squeezed by a juicer. Like he was being crushed and torn up on the inside and it was his fault. Just like it was his fault that Kit left. Or maybe that wasn't true. Maybe it was just inevitable but that didn't make it any easier.

Ty didn't have the right to be jealous or upset. He had no claim over Kit. He was being ridiculous he told himself as he attempted to shove all of these dark feelings into the box.

But this time it wasn't working.

"Alright you look like you're about to snap crackle and pop," Ty heard a voice say beside him. "What gives Sherlock?"

Ty looked up to see Alyssa Reyes standing next to him. When they had all congregated together in the LA institute and Kit had brought Marí and his friend Janessa back with them. Ty had decided to bring his lucky charm and close friend with him.

When Alyssa first came to the scholomance things were quite rough. But they had connected, first on the basis of being autistic and then through other things. Ali also had a love of mysteries and the two of them together were quite the team. The two of them had become incredibly close. Anush called her Irene because she was the only one who could outsmart Ty.

Speaking of Anush..

He was currently still back at the scholomance. They had both decided it was best for him to stay behind so they could spend some time apart. They had recently broken up after Ty finally realized he wasn't in a good place emotionally to date anyone. Ty had been forced to put Livvy's spirit to rest permanently when it started to have an affect on the mortal world negativity. It had been Livvy herself who had begged Ty to save the world at her expense.

That had been about a month ago and Ty was still relatively numb. He had a feeling it would begin to hurt eventually. Just not yet.

"Hey did you hear me?" Alyssa raised her voice. "What's wrong?" Ty refocused on his friend.

She was wearing her costume for the Halloween party they were all attending tonight. Kit, Ty, Dru, Alyssa, Marí, Jaime, Janessa and Thaís. It was Dru herself who had suggested they need a break from essentially preparing themselves for what was probably going to be another war. So they were headed to a vampire hosted party at a club in downtown LA. Alyssa had been sure to grab earplugs for Ty and herself which he was grateful for.

Alyssa was dressed as Aeryn Sun from Farscape, one of the many autistic coded characters from scifi that she was obsessed with. She was wearing a long black leather trench coat with black leather pants and a black tank top. Her dark brown hair was pulled back onto a long braid traveling down to her lower back. She even had leather boots and a fake blaster gun holstered at her thigh to complete the look.

And Ty of course, was dressed as Sherlock.

Ty shook his head at her. "Nothing Ali I'm fine."

Alyssa glowered at him. "Bullshit you're fine. I thought we agreed never to lie to each other?"

Ty sighed, gazing back at Kit and Marí, still smiling at each other. Alyssa followed his gaze.

"Oh you're jealous aren't you!" She declared matter of factly. Ty instantly shushed her.

"Oh relax they can't hear us, she muttered. We're too far away." She twirled her long braid and stimmed with the ends of it. "You know if you plan on taking your anger out on that lovely girl, a member of our COMMUNITY no less, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, then I'm like legally required to throw hands," she said with a smile.

Ty didn't smile back. "I wouldn't," he murmered, looking down. He had been flicking his fingers lazily at his sides, but now Ty found that wasn't good enough. He dug his fingernails into his right palm.

Alyssa looked concerned. "Hey I was just kidding," she said softly. She took his hand that had been creating little half-moon red divots on his skin and carefully threaded his fingers through her own.

Ali squeezed Ty's hand. "You know I'm on your side no matter what." He squeezed back.

Ty looked at the couple again. Emotions swirled all around his heart like little ribbons grazing against the sides. It wasn't just jealousy neccessary and Ty was a little shocked to find that he wasn't angry anymore. He was just...what?

Sad?

Sad didn't even begin to feel like it covered it. He felt so lost. And alone. And.... He felt himself starting to drift away, separating from himself. Ty could hear the fuzzy far away echo of someone trying to speak to him, but he couldn't make out the words. They were getting further and further away.

Everything was blurry and out of focus.

"Ty!" He heard a voice shout. With a jolt he was snapped back into his body. He turned to face Alyssa who was staring at him, looking obviously alarmed.

But the worst part was that everyone else was staring at him too. Including Kit. They looked shocked, but also something else that Ty couldn't quite pinpoint. There was an air of desperation to their voice when they asked,

"Are you ok?"

Was Ty ok?

It was such a funny question coming from Kit who hadn't spoken more than two words to him this whole time.

Kit who had left.

Ty didn't know what else to do except laugh. He burst laughing hysterically, almost falling from his position of where he was leaning against the wall. He desperately tried to gasp for air as he cackled.

Everyone was staring at him looking horrified. Dru pulled out her phone as if she was contemplating calling someone, then decided against it. Tears were starting to roll down Ty's cheeks as he kept laughing.

Alyssa grabbed his arm. "Alright, come with me," she ordered, dragging him to the side. Ty managed to stop laughing as she guided him firmly into the training room.

Ty's eyes were still blurry with tears, so he wiped them away. Alyssa was smiling at him softly, looking sympathetic. "It's gonna be ok Ty,: she cooed, taking his hand again. Alyssa began to rub slow soothing circles onto his palm.

"Ok, you wanna tell me what's going on now?" She asked gently. Ty sniffed and used his other hand to wipe away the rest of his tears.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I don't know how to describe or explain it.

Alyssa nodded. "Well, try. You can use quotes or song lyrics if you want." Ty smiled. He was grateful that Ali understood.

Ty chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It feels like a tear in my heart. Like a part of me is missing and I just can't feel it," he quoted. Alyssa stared at him, pondering. She continued to stroke his hand.

"Do you think what you're missing is Kit?" She asked. "Do you miss him?"

Ty glared at Alyssa and snatched his hand back. "No," he said firmly. "I don't."

Ali rolled her eyes. "Jesus you're almost as bad at love as I am! It's like trying to open a rusted toolbox with a fork getting you to open up!" She snapped.

Ty bared his teeth under closed lips and glowered at her. "Well maybe I never asked for your help!"

"Well maybe you should calm down and recognize that I'm your friend and I'm worried about you!" She shouted back.

Guilt instantly washed over him, pricking his skin. Ty squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry Ali," he whispered.

He wished he could cry. Now more than ever Ty wished he could make himself cry. Over Livvy, over Kit. Over the coming battle. Over everything.

"Do you love them?" He heard her ask. There was no need to ask who she meant.

Ty opened his eyes. This was the thing he never acknowledged. Never said outloud. Never even let himself think it. Because it was terrifying. The acknowledgement of the truth.

The truth was that Ty would probably give his life just to see that adorable smile one more time. That he could tell you how many freckles Kit had because he had spent so many hours staring at Kit and counting them.

The truth was that when Kit held him, he felt closer to anyone then he ever had in his entire life. Ty had sat outside of Kit's door for hours, days even when they had first arrived because he had felt something, even then. Something pulling at him from the other side of that door like a magnet. He told himself it was just curiosity. A scientific curiosity.

It was the only thing that could logically explain Ty's obsession. It wasn't serious. It wasn't-

"I love him," Ty admitted shakily, breaking the silence. Even Alyssa looked a little suprised.

"I'm in love with Kit."

Before Ali could respond, Ty sensed movement by the training room door which they had forgotten to close. Ty instantly whipped around to see who it was, wondering frantically if they had overheard what Ty had said.

Standing in the door frame wearing her Mortica Addams costume for the party, complete with a jet black long wig was Marí.

And the look on their face suggested to Ty that they had heard every word.

I will try and get part 2 up as soon as I can! It will be from Marí's perspective.

The song Ty quotes is Can you hold me by NF.

Tag list: @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @arangiajoan @queenlilith43 @adoravel-fenomeno

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit x ty #ty blackthorn #twp #kit herondale #marí the werewolf #we need to give her a last name #marí tag

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ironwoodprotectionsquad · 3 years

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Penny being trans + autistic coded made me resonate with her as I am nonbinary and autistic myself. Her being a robot felt like me when I have to hide my neurodivergent traits. Her getting confirmation that she wasn't just a robot/machine but a real girl felt so validating. I don't have to look like everyone else to still be considered "real".

Ironwood's semblance being literal hyperfixiation, something I've dealt with since I have ADHD + autism would have made me feel better about myself. This is a man who, despite everything: his PTSD, being an amputee, still was a kind-hearted man. This is something rarely seen in media. I was happy.

Then they fucked up both Penny and Ironwood in ways that struck me. Penny is hacked into and forced to comply with basically forced suicide- she was to open the vault, then self-destruct.

Ironwood, oh dear god. They couldn't wait to fuck him over. He was so HAPPY to see team RWBYJNROQ. He told them everything about his plan, trusting them with literal GOVERNMENT secrets, giving them a place to stay, FREE weapon upgrades (Atlas is known for its advanced technology), hell even gave them their HUNTRESS LICENSES THREE-ISH YEARS EARLY (which Ruby later uses as a credibility source in her broadcast, which was eerily similar to Cinder's in Volume 3, when she says IRONWOOD CANNOT BE TRUSTED.)

Not to mention that she conveniently forgot she was calling for help from OTHER KINGDOMS. OF COURSE they wouldn't arrive soon enough. And no one had reason to trust her. She's a nobody. She was at the Vytal Festival and her team made it all the way to the singles? Cool. Ruby wasn't the final fighter, hell after the 4 vs 4 match she didn't compete further.

Blake would have obviously been a bad choice: she's a faunus and if anyone knows about the White Fang, they might recognize her.

Yang is more known than Ruby, but the world saw her kick an unarmed teen in the finals round. She doesn't have too good a reputation.

Weiss? She's well known as the Heiress, but also her singing. Having her give the speech is a mixed bag: on one hand, she's a recognizable face. On the other, that's a problem. Her father, the CEO of the SDC, is known for his cruelty. Blake said it herself way back in Volume 1: questionable business practices and partners.

So... How about no broadcast at all? What did her broadcast accomplish?

Nothing. Help didn't arrive and likely caused more panic. Plus, people still had a negative view of Atlas, as the last thing the world saw was Atlesian soldiers turning against civilians.

The last broadcast was before Beacon fell. So likely another hacker giving a message would be met with fear.

And what attracts Grimm? Negativity.

Ruby's broadcast could have been a DEATH SENTENCE to so many. But no, this is treated as the... Right course of action?

Ruby and co. hates Ironwood's plan, yet it's clear they don't have one. RWB spends a lot of time moping around the manor drinking tea. Team YOJR (Yang, Oscar, Jaune and Ren) actually DO SOMETHING. Oscar gets kidnapped and they chase after him. Ren rightfully points out that NONE OF THEM SHOULD BE DOING THIS. But that goes against the Hivemind™, so he must apologize and agree to whatever the fuck Ruby decides to do.

Which is NOTHING! RWBY didn't even take down the hound: WILLOW and WHITLEY did. A drunk woman and an unarmed teen defeated it.

Oscar is the one who blows up the whale (with his time bomb? huh??)

Ruby whines that it's all too much, cries on a staircase while her sister (remember that Ruby and Yang are related????) comforts her. The scene has no emotional depth because the two barely interact anymore.

OH GOD AND WHEN YANG TAKES A HIT FROM NEO THAT WAS MEANT FOR RUBY IT TAKES HER OUT COMPLETELY. AURA? GONE. HELL, SHE'S EVEN UNCONSCIOUS. I swear it's like the animation budget could only afford to have ONE character react, and it's Blake "sad kitty face" Belladonna. Not Ruby, who is her sister. WHO HAS A SPEED SEMBLANCE. But no, they just watch her fall, not knowing if she's alive.

Ruby has more of a reaction to CRESCENT ROSE, HER FUCKING WEAPON falling.

Which is retconned so hard in the Vol 9 trailer, where she tells Neo "I hope it was worth it" before falling into the void. Huh??

Anyways I'm rambling again but I am so angry!

-🎼

Never, ever, EVER apologize for rambling. I LOVE hearing peoples thoughts and sometimes it's a really nice feeling to let out your frustrations and anger towards something that has caused you harm and it really REALLY sounds like this caused you a lot of harm and so I do not blame you one bit for being hurt and angry. I should apologize for this taking so long. This was a lot and I needed to sort my thoughts and even so I probably missed some points so I also apologize for that.

Penny and Ironwoods biggest mistake was trusting and being kind to RWBY. They lied and betrayed James and treated him like garbage even though he showed them nothing but kindness and did whatever he could to help them and listened to them. Penny was told what to do and think far more so then James ever supposedly did. Ruby decided to give her a new body, decided she didn't like how James was treating her and that she thought James was a bad person, and decided that Penny was better off with them. Penny stopped being able to make her own decisions once she started hanging out with RWBY and co.

Really though what did they all think was going to happen when they sent out a message that matched beat to bear a lot of what Cinder said before Atlas fell? Did she think about the panic that would cause? Did she forget she was worried about Ironwood telling everyone back in Volume 7 because of the panic it would cause everyone??? Did that just conveniently slip her mind?

I honestly think Weiss would have been the best choice to give the broadcast of them all but I don't think they should have sent out the broadcast in the first place. It should realistically only cause panic and death but the narrative is gonna yadda yadda right past all of that.

Oh god yea RWBY and co complain and whine and scream that Ironwoods plan is bad whilst offering up no alternatives then just taking his plan and acting like it was theirs the whole time. They even did this in Volume 7 when in episode 2 they where worried about James telling Atlas about Salem and then turning around and acting all happy and shocked when James told everyone near the end of the season as if they wanted him to the whole time and not the other way around.

Man RWBY really did jack shit all volume huh? As you said all the major things side characters did: Fight James TWICE: Winter, Emerald, and JNRO.

Try and rescue Oscar: JRY

Blow up the Whale: Oscar

"Redeem" Hazel and Emerald: Again Oscar

Defeat the hound: Whitley and Willow

Launch the tower: Penny

Help defend Mantel against the swarm of Grimm: FNKI and the soldiers that all died trying to buy Ruby time while she cries in a mansion.

Like what does this girl do to help any of the people SHE trapped???

Oh god Ren, poor Ren, he's finally seeing the light but he can't stray from the Hivemind so he needs to get back in, we can't question the pure and perfect Ruby her plans are always right even if it causes Salem to get two relics and destroys the only kingdom with an army or the technology to restore global communications in the process.

Yea you're right like CRWBY can make excuses all day for why Ruby didn't react to Yang falling and MAYBE I can buy her not using her Semblance because she's in shock but not crying or reacting at ALL to her supposed death?? Why does her weapon get a more emotional response then her SISTER? Why is only BLAKE allowed to be sad about Yang supposedly dying? Why does fucking WINTER have more of a reaction to her sister dying?

Why are all the people we are supposed to be rooting for so fucking unlikeable???

#RWDE #Pro Ironwood #James Ironwood #RWBY Bashing #Pro James Ironwood #ironwood Protection Squad #penny polendina #Sorry for MY rambling #and more rambling to come most likely

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middlechildwhoescapedthebasement · 3 years

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Ok here she is! My oldest oc Varian! I hope that you enjoy her! She's from my first ever au, the "What if?" au!

Warning: mentions of mass death including a child's, infant abandonment, and its very long

Basics Name: Varian Hasashi Nicknames: Fox, Temperance, Cherry bomb, Momo D.O.B: January 31st, 1419 (this is actually just the day that Fujin found her) Race: Chaos/Order realmer, Hunter* will explain later Gender: cis female Sexuality: Pansexual Personality type: ENFJ (EXTREMELY extroverted, girl can and will party till dawn) Alignment: Chaotic Good Neruodivergence?: PTSD, Autistic, Abandonment Anxiety Disabilities?: N/A

Physical appearance?

Hair color: Ruby red Hair length: Upper back with curls at the bottom Eye color: Fuchsia with star shaped pupils Skintone: Slightly tanned and very freckled Height: 5'0 Weight: 134 lbs Other: Has scars all over her body from her battles but most are from Shang Tsung

Biological Family/Spouse(s) (put biological rather than adoptive because it's important) Father: Unknown Mother: Unknown Brother(s): Unknown Sister(s): Unknown Paternal Grandparents: Unknown Maternal Grandparents: Unknown Aunt(s): Unknown Uncle(s): Unknown Cousin(s): Unknown Spouse(s): Gemini *deceased, Hanzo Hasashi Son(s): Terrance *presumed dead, Akira, Masaru Daughter(s): Ryoko, Mina Niece(s): Unknown Nephew(s): Unknown

Relationship with said family?/Backstory? She doesn't know anyone from her biological family due to being abandoned as a newborn. Her parents had a forbidden relationship due to being from such colliding realms, so they hid their tracks by leaving her on Earthrealm to die. Luckily for Varian, Fujin heard her cries and found her. He made the decision to raise her, but the Elder Gods said that they could not have a familial bond, so he had to force her to call him Fujin and try his best to not see her as his daughter. It didn't work, and as a result, she saw Fujin as her father and Raiden as her uncle. Then the rest of the Hunter clan became her family as well, the elders being uncles and aunts and the kids being cousins. As she grew up, she fell in love with a fellow clan member named Gemini. The two got married and had a beautiful son named Terrance, the were the perfect family, never leaving each other's sides and being full of love and happiness. This all changed when Shang Tsung ambushed the clan and nearly killed everyone, including Gemini and Terrance. Varian tried to stop Shang Tsung from killing her son, but he had bound her with his magic, forcing her to watch her son die. Her need for Shang Tsung's blood almost made break through his magic. Just as she was about to, the Gods forced her into a deep sleep along with the other survivors to ensure their safety. She stayed in that sleep for 228 years, and when she awoke she remembered everything. As much as she wanted to kill Shang Tsung, she knew that protecting Earthrealm was far more important and would honor her family's death more accurately. So, for the next 82 years she did just that. She not only hunted all the monsters, she also fought in both World Wars. The tournament came around and Raiden had asked her to be one of his champions. She gladly accepted, as this was her chance to get revenge on Shang Tsung. Raiden then reminded her that that's not what Gemini and Terrance would want, and that she's forbidden from using her full strength and that Shang Tsung would use that to his advantage. Varian said that she didn't need her full strength to defeat him anymore, but nonetheless agreed with Raiden. When she arrived on the island, one competitor in particular caught her interest: Scorpion. She asked Raiden for his backstory, and upon hearing it she immediately felt empathy for him. She knows what it's like to lose your family in such a brutal fashion. She especially knows what it's like to watch your child be killed as you sit there helpless. But unlike him, she had other Hunters left. Raiden immediately told her that he's going to be hard to reach to as he's now a wraith controlled by Quan Chi's magic. She told him that she knew that, but maybe someone relating to him might make it a bit easier. Turns out that she was right and as a result she was the only one that Scorpion would truly listen to without much resistance. Though he did question why she didn't chose vengeance. She responded that even though she genuinely wanted it, it's not what her late husband and son would want, and that she had a feeling that it wasn't what his wife and son wanted from him either. He insisted that she was wrong and that he had to get his vengeance on Sub-Zero. Cut to Scorpion killing Bi-Han and losing his chance to get his family back. Varian, while a little disappointed in him, understood that he was being manipulated heavily. So she comforted him and stayed by his side, all while trying to break him free from Quan Chi's control. It took a while, but all of her efforts paid off he became free, but he was still a wraith. During this time, they fell in love and their relationship soon became sexual. Leading her to become pregnant with triplets during the Netherrealm/Earthrealm war. They both, of course, were worried out of their minds. Neither could deal with the idea of losing another family. They stuck by each other throughout the whole pregnancy, and the triplets being born was the best day that they had in a very long time. Everything was fine for for 18 months, but

Quan Chi had found out where Scorpion was hiding. Scorpion told Varian that for the children's sake, he had to leave and didn't know when he would be able to come back. Their worst fear had been come true: The family being broken apart. What hurt Varian even more was that she had to fight Scorpion when Quan Chi took control of him again. They all had to wait eleven years until they could all be reunited again. Now, everything is back to being amazing again, and they are one the most tight-knit, bad ass families you'll meet.

What are the Hunters? The Hunters are those whose bloodline was chosen to fight the monsters that Shinnok had created to be invisible to the living. His idea was that he would be able to create death and chaos that no one could stop. The other Elder Gods put a stop to it by choosing warriors to deal with them. Raiden and Fujin were given the task of overseeing the ones born on Earthrealm. To train and watch them, to ensure their success in protecting their realm. Fujin knew that Varian was one because he could sense it in her blood. This is the only reason he was allowed to keep her.

Fighting style? Varian has two different types of weapons, one for kombat and one for hunting. The one she uses for kombat is a six and a half foot trident. She's been using this weapon since she was twelve years old. It suits her quick and brutal style very well, plus it's flashy and unique just like her. Second is the one she uses for hunting. Two very special pistols that can transform into muskets, and when put together, it transforms into a Claymore sword. Despite her "clunky" weaponry, she's extremely agile and nimble. It's almost as if she's always light as air when she fights. She's also an expert at Jujustu (thanks to Raiden's training) if she's forced to fight weaponless. She's a mid to long ranged fighter with an edge on agility. She's also an expert gymnast and dancer so she often adds them to her moves to make a show of the fight. Think of Bayonetta's quote "As long as there's still music, I'll keep on dancing!"

Trivia *As stated above, she loves music and dance. She loves all forms of art, but music and dance will always be her favorite thing in the whole world (except her family) *She's actually rather hated outside of Earthrealm because of her heritage. She's seen as a freak of nature because Order/Chaos aren't supposed to mix *From a very young age she's had to balance her mind between Chaos and Order, too much chaos causes her to become severely reckless and anarchic, too much order causes her to become a dictator of which any means will justify her end *Johnny Cage is her BFF, they go out club hopping every other weekend, her nickname for him is "Sugar Tits" and his for her is "Cherry Bomb" *She loves Fujin with all her heart and he'll always be her true father no matter what the Elder Gods have to say *Very, very, VERY flexible. Due to her being half Chaosrealmer, she can contort herself in severely unnatural ways *Wears ballet slippers in battle because it makes it easier to fight *Most of her outfits are dancer clothes because she thinks they're beautiful and she often breaks out into dance *Is Cassie's Godmother *Has worked with both the Lin Kuei and Shirai Ryu, causing her to have neutral views on both clans and seeing that the war has been caused by a misunderstanding *Taught Erron how to shoot *She doesn't know it, but Terrance is actually alive and under Shang Tsung's control. He now goes by Pascal. He thinks that both of his parents and all of his clan are dead *Can play the violin amazingly, her favorite song to play is the "Foxhunter" *Hanzo calls her "Momo" because her favorite food is peaches *Fujin calls her Fox because she's a mischievous little thing *Loves playing pranks and getting into trouble, even in adulthood *Helped Hanzo build a shrine dedicated to their lost families, they both pray to it everyday as do their children

Any questions you have please leave in the notes!

#mk ocs #Mk Varian #Varian Hasashi #What if au #mortal kombat

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