#remember when I told you I was going to make this funny

[onsomenewsht]

I've got peace and I've got love

About a surprise for your birthday even if you hate your birthday

》 Alexia Putellas x Reader

》 words count: +1k

》 for anyone who needs to feel celebrated

Birthdays are a complicated matter.

You don’t hate them, no one really does.

People should be loved loudly, their mere presence on Earth should be reason enough to celebrate them.

You care about your family and your friends, baking cakes and inflating balloons and dressing up for a themed party are not a problem - you’re the first one to arrive and the last to leave.

Celebrating your birthday though? Hell, no.

For most, it doesn’t make sense.

A day in a whole year when anyone is entitled to be under the biggest spotlight, getting gifts and all the wanted attention. Yet, you’d rather hide in the remotest corner of the planet than hear someone sing “happy birthday” to you.

Despite the insistence and the repeated attempts over the years, your mother has finally accepted that you don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Your best friend has accepted that you’ll avoid a surprise party like the plague. Everyone who knows you, knows it.

Alexia included.

At least she knows now, after last year.

The two of you got together just shy of three months before your birthday. Bless her good heart, she thought a surprise ambush might be appreciated.

She’s not going to make the same mistake twice in a row, but she wants to do something.

“You told me she hates birthdays”, Alba points out, a bit confused, sipping her coffee as if her sister isn’t in the middle of an inconclusive rant.

“She hates her own, not birthdays in general”

“I still think you should just buy her a nice present, wish her a happy birthday and move on like she asked you to do”

“It seems so, I don’t know, incomplete?”, the blonde tries to explain, “How do I make sure I show how much I appreciate her if I can’t celebrate her?”

“You better celebrate her every day, not just on the birthday–”

“I do it, idiot!”

Alexia is quick in her jab, but thankfully the younger girl is used to her attitude by now.

Cup saved from any spill, Alba barely has enough patience to give another, simple pearl of wisdom, “So do it like any other day, but, you know, on her birthday”

It’s good advice, even if she’d never admit it.

Alexia spends most of her day off plotting, her free time during the week before your birthday completely taken over by careful planning and prep.

You can tell immediately that something is off, but you let it slide because she’s cute when she’s on a mission, and you don’t really want to spoil her fun.

At the stroke of midnight, like a mischievous fairy godmother, your best friend calls you to sing a personalized rendition of “Die, Die My Darling” like every year since you’re sixteen and think you’re oh-so-funny.

Your mother sends a present from the entire family, along with a picture of a cake you’re not going to eat but you’re glad they’ll enjoy in your name. Alexia’s mother and sister send flowers, and you have to reassure your girlfriend that it’s a genuinely appreciated sentiment.

Said girlfriend kisses you for every year spent on this Earth and then moves on, as if nothing happened. As if nothing is going to happen.

It’s suspicious, really suspicious.

The day passes by without any major incident.

At work just a few colleagues know it’s your birthday, they politely hand you a card with bad jokes written all over it. You mindlessly send the same three reactions at every text message, nonetheless appreciating everyone who remembered and took the time to wish you a happy birthday. A kind waitress adds a slice of dessert as you pick up take-out at your favourite Mexican place, probably prompted by Alexia when she ordered over the phone and sent you to the restaurant.

Guard down, you open the door to your girlfriend’s apartment, still not connecting the dots.

Thank the goddesses and gods above for that nice waitress, because what you find inside is definitely a first and the food wouldn’t have survived the surprise if not for the well-secured package.

Soft music - that, to your shame, you only realise too late is your favorite record - resonates through the room, which is filled with dozens of floating balloons reaching the ceiling.

You take a few tentative steps inside, noticing pictures carefully tied to each string with numbers scribbled on the corners.

Snaps of the past year, memories so simple in their significance you sometimes fail to give a good measure of. Dinners out with friends, an unflattering portrait of an early morning during the summer, the first time holding your niece. You linger over a photo of you and Alexia talking on Mapi’s couch, neither of you looking at the camera, as it’s clear you had eyes only for each other.

“I’ve never seen this one”, you whisper, emotion thick in your voice.

Your girlfriend is leaning on the further wall of the entrance, a confident stance failing to hide a note of nervousness. The way her hands are buried in the pocket of old sweatpants and her eyes are studying every single macro-expression shifting on your face are a clear tell for you.

"Ingrid sent it to me some times ago”

“It’s beautiful”

“It is”, she agrees easily, still not daring to come closer.

Alexia’s gaze drops as soon as you notice there’s a handwritten message on the back of every photo, her cheeks flushing slightly.

You take the time to read each one attentively, smiling at her thoughtfulness and the care she put into all the moments chosen. People and occasions that hold meaning for you, no matter how big or small. You feel love in every single one.

“You put a lot of thought into this”

“I had to sacrifice a couple of good ones”, she mumbles, almost upset with herself.

The commitment to matching the number of pictures to your age it’s impressive, you have to admit.

A burst of laughter fills the entire apartment, Alexia finally meeting your gaze and taking in how moved you’re by her surprise.

The fear of overstepping had been like an annoying voice, whispering in her ear as she scribbled on the back of the photos or tried to wrap gifts without running out of patience or tape.

“Do you like it?”, her doubt creeping in her voice.

“I don’t hate it”, you joke, still eager to ease her worries, “No one has ever put this much thought or effort into– I don’t know, celebrating my birthday, I guess”

“You deserve to be celebrated”

You take the few steps to fill the gap between you two, food forgotten somewhere behind, and throw yourself into her already open arms.

“Thank you”

“I love you”

The kiss you share is a clear enough answer. Sometimes, it’s not even necessary to spell it out - action speaks louder than words, they say. She holds you for as long as you need, music still playing softly in the background.

“Is this a good moment to mention that you have to open as many presents as you have in years?”

“Alexia!”

[fangirltothefullest]

You know.... tumblr is the only place I've ever felt like people can match my brand of neurodivergence. And I'm not talking about the weird conversations or funny posts either. I just mean in general conversation and interaction.

I've been in a small room with 12 other strangers for this soft skills class I have to take for this program that's helping me get a government job as someone with adhd and I just..... feel like such an alien when I'm in the room with them? They're all different ages and some are even around my age but it's like I'm pretending to be a person for them just as I would be doing around neurotypical people.

I am constantly masking in front of these people that are supposes to be like me.

More than one have adhd like I do but they're so different than me? There's so much unnecessary laughter that feels so forced and fake? All anyone wants to talk about are sports and parties and alcohol and drugs. Its exactly likw it was in every other social situation ive ever been in. "Who last partied and got black out drunk"- "my party days are over but i can still knock back a 12 pack of whatever and function just fine"‐ "last weekend i partied i got too high to remember my name-"

Or who rooted for which sportsball team and why the spoinklers are better than the spronklers. The sprunklies had a great pass but they called it too much for the spranklies and it was all rigged. I would stop watching it but I like mr pitcher-catcher-thrower-frontguy and if he can make it this year he'll win them for the whateverchampioncup for sure.

I feel like an alien studying an entirely different species.

Like is this how people always interact? Is it all fake nonsense or is it code? It feels like it's all in code and I just have no fucking idea what that code is.

Cause like I can tell none of them actually care! I KNOW we are here for a soft skills class but like.... this isn't soft skills this is high school locker room. This is people desperately trying to fit in. Soft skills are keeping things civil and connecting with fellow humans.

This didn't feel like forming connections, it felt like pretending. It felt like showing off. It felt like people vying for their chance to be in the spotlight. It felt like America's next top banana.

We were told not to talk about religion, politics, sports and personal lives at work because all it does is start drama at the workplace. What did they proceed to do? Talk about every single subject on the no-go list the moment we'd agreed not to. Did they think "no" was code for "do this immediately"?

Like is it me? Am I really so confusingly alien that even the people that are supposed to be like me, that also have adhd, are just so different?

And I come here on tumblr and yall get me.

I post about making a PowerPoint about the most fuckable pasta shape and yall are like drop the PowerPoint.

[nopointic]

my adventures with being asexual and getting my tubes removed as a 33 year old virgin in a red state in 2025

my gynecologist is so funny and sweet because i'm asexual and he remembers that, but he always brings up birth control and safe sex by habit and i dutifully nod along. and he's like awww yeah you're ASEXUAL now but in the future???? you might wanna??? and i'm like hmmmm maybe???? but better safe than sorry!!! and we smile and laugh but there is an understanding of something bigger. we're not naive. we live in a red state. women's rights and health care are being stripped every fucking day. i am young. i am not married. i am asking for something that doctors usually just turn down immediately.

and then we go on to continue to plan for my surgery for getting my tubes removed and it's so fucking funny to me.

he's like, ok so no babies. no babies!!!!! but maybe one day you might want sex! i dunno. but no babies for sure! and i'm like yep!!!!! he gets me! this was easier coming out the closet to him than my parents. my parents still do not comprehend that i am asexual. to them it's me saying odd phrases and a just a phase. i am 33 and have never dated or even kissed someone. i openly gag dramatically when someone brings up sex on a tv show. i'm like YUCK 🤢. could NOT be me. we all laugh but they still think it's me bullshitting i guess. asexual? what does that even MEAN? they just say ok and move along.

meanwhile the nurses and medical assistants are SO confused on me not being on ANY birth control. because they always ask and i say, nah, i'm not taking any. AND THEY LOOK AT ME IN HORROR. and then i say, i'm ABSTINENT. and one lady was like?????? i said I DO NOT HAVE SEX MA'AM. and she was honest to god still confused????

but my gyno is like, yes, she is ASEXUAL duh, she doesn't have sex. and he smiles and moves along.

the funniest shit!!!!!

but i am forever grateful he's so normal about me being asexual. because even my therapist was like, um it's because of your parents bad marriage and you were abused and you don't know for sure it could be a hormonal problem blah blah blah and i told my gyno and he bless his heart went, ok. that's what YOU choose right? you're FINE with that? and i said yeah. and he said cool. that's YOUR decision and you don't have to do anything you don't want. and we then went on to discuss my medical problems. (i have a shit ton)

but yeah. some people think being asexual is something that needs to be fixed immediately and i'm glad my gyno, this one in a million white guy who reminds me of steve rogers aka captain america, just went ok, cool.

sexuality is fluid. he never says oh you'll change your mind in a condescending way. he doesn't ask me why i don't want sex. he just wants me to be ok with my choices and make sure i don't have a baby if i do not want a baby. because shit happens. sadly that is the plain truth. bad things happen like rape and he's like, you don't want kids ever? i'm gonna make sure that stays true. he is so real for that.

even though i am asexual and i don't have sex.

i lucked up in finding a gyno in a red state that cares so deeply about my body and my decisions. i wish everyone had that.

anyways shout out to my gyno going you're asexual?! and then always smiling and saying, yes, you're asexual but NO KIDS RIGHT! 😂😂😂😂😂😂 nah, no kids. team no kids for life. thank you!

oh and virginity is a social construct ya know.

not wanting sex is not the end of the world.

and i can only imagine what my fellow lesbians go through at the gyno. like. the nurse nearly had a fit when i said i don't use any contraceptives. she really hit me with the SO HOW ARE YOU NOT GETTING PREGNANT HUH?

i don't have sex babes.

oh and yes i've gotten the "but you're pretty" lines too. not sure what the fuck being pretty and rocking cute clothes got to do with me being asexual but go off!

[ilikekidsshows]

I feel so mean for saying that, but you know what I think would be ironically funny about the foreshadowing now that Marinette will loose her memories at one point, so Alya will obviously have to somehow restore it again (cuz no way is that gonna be more than a 2 parter thing. There are no stakes in this)?

If its not some outside force that forces Marinette to do it or some situation that actually requires for Marinette as guardian to give up her memories to keep the Miraculous save

It would be so funny atp if it happens because Marinette is stressed(tm) again and can't handle it when her giant web of lies are revealed by Lila, and because people are having some kind of a negative reaction and don't immediately prioritise her, she thinks that's the worst possible thing that ever happened and gives up her guardianship and memories of the last year to escape that and go back to being normal girl with a normal life Marinette.

I know it's so mean, but I can see it happening so easily that this is what the temporary memory loss will be. And then Alya has to talk to memory Marinette to find out why she gave up her memories, is told by her in pretty words that it's yet again her avoiding any long overdue consequences of her inactions (and bad choices), so Alya has to clue in memory-less Marinette on what happened until Marinette eventually make the decision to use whatever random way they'll come up with to restore her memories and face the reality "for the greater good"

But of course only AFTER everyone learned to not be mad at her for anything and view her as the true victim bc "don't you see how much she suffered? Everyone was so unreasonable and mean and bullying her that she felt the need to give up her memories! Grrrrrr, don't be mean to Marinette! It's not her fault she never said anything!"

Everybody in the fandom is angsty as shit about this, but I think this is way more likely to happen. The ultimate way out of facing consequences when the lies are out that doubles as perfect way to make everyone priorities her feelings again

---

Damn, anon, you cooked with this. I have nothing more to add other than this is perfectly in character and matches how the show has repeatedly handled Marinette’s “consequences”. Marinette’s consequences for her behavior are always self-inflicted punishments. She makes herself feel bad, she calls herself bad things, she convinces herself she’ll never find love and doesn’t deserve it. Even her Lucky Charm had now been a part of her self-flagellation. Taking away her own memories because she doesn’t “deserve” to be a hero anymore is 100% in character as a reaction to her web of lies coming undone.

It even comes with the follow-up that Adrien’s justified anger at her no longer has a target. Adrien is no longer “justified” in being mad at Marinette, because Marinette can’t remember doing that, so holding her responsible would be unfair and mean. Adrien has to, once again, be the bigger person and let his hurt go to help Marinette.

[xfgpng]

timeless…

— [ nsfw ] :: just fluffy sex (kinda?)

— wc :: 979

2 years, 4 months and 16 days. he tries not to think about her anymore but he sees her face in everyone he talks to and his dating life has pretty much gone to shit.

he misses her more than he’d like to admit and it hurts. whoever said it gets better with time told a bold face fucking lie and he hopes they have a bad day.

he still hears her laughter when he’s alone, feels her skin against his in all of his dreams and nightmares that sleeping is a luxury these days.

yuuji knows it’s his fault. he left when he could’ve stayed for her but he didn’t. he was young, he still is but especially then. the end of high school, moving out the city.. he wasn’t even sure about volleyball anymore and everything was too overwhelming and he wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to him ever again, he deserved it for breaking both their hearts.

it’s why his breath catches in his throat when he walks into the newest volleyball gym and sees her. she’s as beautiful as always and he knows how much she wanted to get into sports management. she’d always loved the sport and it’s one of the reasons he fell in love with her in the first place.

apart of him wanted to start up again because he missed it, it was a huge part of his life for so long but another part of him, a more sadistic or masochistic part of him, he doesn’t know anymore, was doing this to feel closer to her again and here she was, 2 years, 4 months and 20 days later looking just as beautiful as she’s always been and his chest hurts.

he doesn’t believe in coincidences, never has with the way life played out for the last 2 years and something months.

she’s talking to the coach of his team, writing notes and pointing to something on a board nearby. he can’t focus on anything other than her and he can smell her perfume without trying to and it’s making his knees weak and he might just cry.

what wakes him up is a ball to his face and he finds himself laying on his back but it doesn’t hurt, he definitely feels lightheaded but he can see the ceiling and lights and then … her

she’s saying something to him, he feels her cool hand on his head, a warm cloth against his nose and she looks exasperated but he knows her well, despite their time apart, she’s not mad at him. she’s shooting a nasty glare towards the guy from the other team who was obviously trying to be funny on purpose.

he here’s here when she calls him

“asshole” y/n huffs, “you seriously need to be more careful, are you childish?”

the guy mumbles an apology but he’s smirking and he knows she’ll launch herself at him but she’s grown up because she just rolls her eyes and looks down at him.

“-you okay?” she asks and he thinks he nods, thinks he says yes but he’s not sure. he’s too focused on her hand still holding his head and she smells as good as he remembered.

“i am now” he mumbles, grinning and she rolls her eyes but it’s a lot more fond than just a few moments ago and she’s smiling at him. his heart is beating wildly against his rib cage and he feels so happy even if his head is starting to hurt. she’s smiling at him.

her skin is softer than silk if that’s even possible. he’s love struck, has been since he met her and she cussed him out in the hallway at school.

she clings to him like she’s the one that’s scared he’ll disappear and it’s everything.

“yuuji” she gasps into their kiss and gods it feels so good, better than he remembered.

“i’ve got you baby” he whispers back, his grip on her hips don’t let up and he knows it hurts but she likes it, she begs for more and he’s a weak, weak man. he gives her more.


he’d do anything for her if she asked.

“feels so good” she moans, her back arching and her chest presses against his naked skin. everything is so hot and sticky and they’re going to have to clean up the bed before they’re able to sleep but he’s so happy, he wants to cry.

“i know” he groans right against her ear, “love being inside you… i missed you so much baby”

she’s nodding, cupping his face and kissing him back just as fiercely and he knows she missed him too. he can feel it in the way she kisses him, the way she scratches up his back, the way she grips him like she doesn’t want him to pull out and he has no intention of doing so anyway.

“you want more baby?” he teases. yuuji can’t resist, he can’t help it. this feels like a dream only it’s better because it’s finally real. he’s never letting her go again.

“please yuuji” she begs, “please fuck me”

“i am fucking you” he grins but he snaps his hips forward and the headboard cracks. neither of them care enough to stop, he can guy ten more headboards but he’s not stopping now, he can’t.

and he thinks he’s died and goes to heaven when she pushes him onto his back and rides him so hard his toes curl. he’s never experienced this with anyone else and he never wants to.

“so good” he moans, he can’t help himself. “please, don’t stop”

his holding onto her as she moves on top of him and he thinks that maybe 2 years, 4 months and something days are worth it if he gets to keep her forever.

[tanukitsuneko-suki]

build episode 39 thoughts:

- grr…okay…i have to admit, the bat wings look sick af

- i love banjo have i told you guys that

- “the future you want to build is gone!” second build pun over here. let’s speedrun this to get 10 more before the series ends

- i miss sento man… bring him back

- katsuragi’s hardass stare at banjo while he’s acting like a dumbass 😭 yall think he saw sento’s diary/research files waxing poetic abt this guy and thought “man you’re into him???”

- mmm ❤️ i don’t like my son getting all these evolto memory snippets 🥰 if it’s a parallel between sento facing katsuragi’s past and banjo facing evolto’s past and having to reconcile that they are the same person but ultimately different and that it’s not their histories but the choices they make that define who they are as a person i am eating my socks

- GUYS

- DON’T CALL HIM A NUISANCE THAT IS YOUR BOYFRIEND 😭

- “i will complete this ultimate item and defeat evolto.” katsuragi’s only goal is to defeat evolto and if killing banjo would contribute to that goal..ohh…auuuuuu…OUHGGHHHHHHHHHH yeah haha that’s probably not gonna happen and i am overthinking

- “…and banjo ryuga as well” well that was fucking quick. the boomerang had a short trip of 0.53 seconds

- 🚬🚬 sigh

- “we should end him before he awakens as evolto” LEAVE HIM ALONEEEEEEE EVOLTO ALREADY NICKED HIS DNA FROM HIMMMMMMM STOPPPPPP HAJIMAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- kazumin…you are a princess to me too

- utsumi looking lowkey insane but if there’s a reveal that he’s playing even evolto i would go feral as shit

- would be funny if evolt is defeated partially because utsumi just wants a nice retirement plan

- ah well nevermind

- can you stop dragging banjo’s name in here omfg katsuragiii 😭😭

- “when he’s not around i can’t help but get all worried”

- gentoku’s redemption arc..Wao…….

- that gay strut 😭😭 SENTO

- “why are you here” “not to save you” BRO

- katsuragi..the way he speaks is always so polite. ALSO HIS MOM. SHE REALLY ISN’T GONNA SHOW UP ANYMORE?? WE NOT VISITING HER?????

- katsuragi you gotta let banjo use it…that’s you guys’ love child

- okay. banjo’s gonna jump in front of sento to save him. i’m so sure

- YAYYYYY

- I CAN’TTTTTT KATSURAGI’S 😐 FACE AS BANJO TELLS HIM HE CAN’T USE THE POWERS BECAUSE HE’S NOT REQUITING THE FEELINGS IS SENDING MEEEEEEE

- banjo ryuga….sasuga best heroine desu

- sento you can NOT be remembering your memories because you’re watching banjo almost die from injuries. you’re never beating the allegations at this rate 😭😭

- THIS FUCKING MONTAGE HELP 😭😭😭😭

- third build pun

- :DDDDDD HELLO SENTO!!!!! WELCOME BACK!!

- BANJO’S PRECIOUS SMILE AAAAAHHHHHHH

[bearlytolerant]

BLINDSIDED

~glimpse of the past~

:>

send BLINDSIDED for a scene from my muse's past in which they were betrayed or shocked by what someone did

prompt list

Fandom: DD2, Rating: G, Word Count: 493

a goat

Goblins cleared, Iris wanders over to an apple tree and finds a low hanging branch. With a slight jump, she pulls herself up onto the branch and climbs higher to reach the ripened fruit. She’s been traveling all day, getting side tracked by various people who ask her for help and healing and against her gut instinct, she had assisted them. But up here in the tree, she finds some peace and solace. That is until she hears the frantic bleating of goats and the whisper of magic. Crawling toward the edge of the branches, pushing aside leaves to peer out at the sound, Iris spots the pawn who refuses to leave her side. Killing a goat.

Scrambling down from the tree, Iris sprints and tackles the pawn, yanking the staff out of her hand and tossing it. The pawn writhes and struggles against her grasp before Iris backs off, chest heaving and staring daggers at it.

The pawn rises to her feet. “Arisen, have I done something to upset you?” The goat’s blood is splattered up the arms of her billowy sleeves.

Iris balls her fists. “You just killed a goat! It wasn’t doing anything! Mo—” Iris stops herself from speaking it to the pawn.

Mother would have never killed a goat.

This pawn is not her mother though, just a pale imitation. A look-alike and nothing more. Sure the hair is the same shade of purple and her eyes match Iris’ own but this pawn doesn’t look at her with love. She looks at her with expectation. Grief made manifest and she only has herself to blame when she can’t stand to look at it. Iris snatches up the pack meant for supplies and throws it at the pawn.

She catches it without flinching. “If you wish for me to refrain from killing goats, Arisen, I will do as you say.”

The voice is all wrong too. Meek and obedient and too soft. Gwyn thrived off of being called a wastrel, a cur, any name that spoke to her ability to question and defy any demand placed on her. She carved paths where others thought it impossible. Loved wider and deeper than the oceans of this world. Burned bright and hot, yet was so warm when Iris would curl up in her arms. Her mother was home. And this pawn—this pawn—

If she has to hear, “yes master”, or “as you command, arisen”, one more time without rebuttal, she might actually implode.

“I want you to go! Fetch some herbs or something! Just get away from me!”

There is hurt in the pawn’s eyes as they flick from Iris to the ground. Softy she says, “as you wish, Arisen.” She turns away and shuffles up the mountainous path and Iris wanders over to the slain goat. Kneeling, she stretches her fingers out, brushing her index against the dead animal’s white coat but freezes, withdrawing her hand to cover her face.

[chloecherrysip]

"I hope you told your brother how much you loved him, because you're probably never gonna see him again."

"..."

"Was that too dark?"

"YES!"

"Sorry."

[street-corner-felines]

Zero Day (2002)

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[jrueships]

ill be having such a good time then Boom, someone says something

[rainingincale]

.

[killmymind]

you know what’s crazy i actually came out to my mom like five years ago and she deadass forgot. ????????????????????? i had to come out twice (the second time i almost killed myself in front of her cause wdym you FORGOT)

[todayisafridaynight]

time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist

[the-acid-pear]

Something I adore about T-Bag is how subtle but consistent his character development is because as the seasons go on and he spends more time out of the jail (or, in other, worse jails) the more of his worst traits and beliefs he kinda let's go. Which is what makes me passionate about him he really has it in him to improve, to change. By the intro of season 5 he was literally just living alone in a swamp or something and didn't even want anything to do with Michael.

Like it's not that it happens from morning to noon it's just that there's less and less opportunities for him to repeat his problems to the point he just stops doing it altogether willingly it's just really neat. I just enjoy it.