#rei being so afraid of him did hurt my soul

[cheshirecat-syndrome]

was considering whether or not to post this at all but rei was such a relaxing cooldown drawing he deserves to be posted

[ichijager13]

You make me feel safe

Summery:

Reader wakes up next to the man she has been seeing for months and she realizes she loves him. Thinking he is still asleep she confesses her feelings.

A/N:  Hello there, I wrote this listening to Cinnamon girl by Lana Del Rey I hope you enjoy it.

Erenxreader, Angst/comfort, selfconfidence issues, word count 1,2k

When the sun's rays peeked through the blinds you were already awake. You started seeing each other three months ago, so this was not the first time you spend the night at his place. You were staring at the man lying beside you. his hair fell on his face covering most of it and one of his arms was casually propped around your waste. Each time you see him like this you feel overwhelmed, Eren was a gorgeous man. His sun-kissed skin matches perfectly his emerald eyes and chestnut hair. You reach your hand to pull his hair back and tuck some lokes behind his ear, he looks so relaxed. you have always loved admiring him sleeping. You guide your hand softly across his face and gently caress his cheek before brushing his lower heavy lip with your thumb. The memory of what he has done to you last night with those lips made your stomach twist. Nights with Eren have always left you out of breath and over the clouds. He has always known where and how to touch each part of your body. But what you love the most was the way he makes you feel, how he pays attention to every single detail, how he holds you and caresses your hair gently. He makes you feel things you never thought you’d experience one day.

You have always believed that you were unable to love and were not meant to be loved, that for some reason you don’t deserve to be happy. Plus, trust issues, low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence made you fear commitment and falling in love. Not to mention the thought of getting your heart broken once again. All of these made you push away anyone who tried to get in. but all your insecurities and demons seem to be blown away by Eren. He makes you feel safe and accepted. He makes you happy. With Eren everything is easy; talking, laughing, living and dreaming. You don’t remember the last time you dreamed of something beautiful, of being happy and carefree, you don’t think you ever did. your eyes have always carried this sadness that even your bright and wide smiles couldn’t hide. But this was all before him.

You move closer and print soft kisses on his parted lips. Your hand is now drawing invisible patterns on his bare large shoulders. You close your eyes for a while and enjoy his presence and the comforting silence.

“I have never felt this way before. With you Eren I feel safe”. You whispered. “No one has ever looked at me or touched me the way you do”. You buried your face in his neck, he always smells nice. “I never had the courage to tell you all this stuff. There are a lot of things I never told you. ‘cause I’m afraid, I’m afraid you’d never want me once I open up and let you see how damaged I am. I’m afraid you’d leave if I ever told you that I have a hard time trusting people and seeing the good in them. I’m afraid of letting my guard down and letting people in, ‘cause I always end up being hurt when I do so. I’m afraid you’d grow bored and leave me once you see the real me. I’m afraid you’d break my heart, I’m afraid of falling in love. I…”. you take a deep breath. “I have been hurt before, Eren. Badly”. Your vision is blurry now. “And I don’t wanna go through that again, it took too much for me to heal from my past wounds. I won’t lie, you have healed a good amount but some still bleed to this day. and it hurts like hell. Some of them left scares that will never disappear and I don’t know what to do about it”. You nuzzled his neck trying not to burst into crying. “Please Eren, please I’m giving you whatever is left of my heart and soul. Please take good care of us. Please don’t hurt me, I can’t… I can’t handle another heartbreak. I love you Eren, I love you and I won’t lie my feelings for you are so strong and profound that it is scaring the shit out of me. I…”. your tears start falling and you swear you felt him stiffening when a tear fell on his flesh. When you tried to pull away his arms tightened around your small figure.

He moved slowly placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I’ll never hurt you, love”. His voice is still drowsy from sleep, he cleared his throat before adding, “I’ll always look after you and cherish you, you just have to let me in. I’ll never rush you I promise, take as much time as you need”. He pulled away and wiped your tears. “I’ll always be here for you, okay?” You slowly nod. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch; his hand was caressing your hair softly. “I’ll do my best to heal all of your wounds and wipe away all your tears. You are the best thing I ever had and I’m not willing to let you go”.

A half smile crept up your lips, you tried your best to keep your composure when you said. “I love you Eren”. You curse yourself when your voice broke when you said his name. your face twitched and tears start streaming once again. “I’m sorry”. You mumbled hiding your head in your pillow.

With his thumb and index, he grabbed your chin softly and made you face him, “Never apologize for this love, I want you to know that I love you just the way you are. And I don’t want to change anything about you. I love every single detail about you, every smile and every facial expression”. He kissed you, his soft lips moving slowly against yours. When he broke the kiss, he continued. “I love when you sing and dance while cooking, especially when you are in my shirt. I love the way your cute nose scrunches when you feel embarrassed, how your eyebrows get knotted when you are confused when you slowly rub your eyes when you wake up, how you purse your lips when you are concentrated, how you rub your nose or play with your hands when you feel nervous”. He pecks your nose smiling. “And your smile. I am madly, deeply in love with your smile. You are a beautiful person inside and out. And it’s hard”. He kisses you again. “So, so hard to not fall in love with you. you are a wonderful person”. you smile against his lips. “I would like to stay like this forever, with you”.

“Do you know how it feels?”.

“What?”. He asked confused.

“Being in love with you”.

“No, love. Tell me, please”.

“It’s like being found after being lost in the middle of nowhere, and just when I was about to die you came and saved me”. You smile at him before adding. “You are my home Eren”.

“And you are the sun rays that light up my whole world and warm me”. He brushes his lips against the thin skin of your neck, “I will never hurt you and I will never let you down”.

“Thank you”. you press yourself against him and close your eyes thinking to yourself that if heaven ever existed it must be here in this man’s arms.

[the-hamlet]

"Welcome home, such as it is."

Salutations! And welcome to our humble home.

I am Reynauld, and I run this blog with my dear friend Sarmenti. Here you will find artwork of ourselves, our companions, and any other posts we may enjoy.

You may find our system's primary blog here.

Please understand that Sarmenti and I are very real people. This is not a play-pretend blog, we are both introjects, and our identities to us are as real yours is to you. Treat us as fair as you would anyone else.

The body we inhabit is over 18, and thus, we would appreciate if anyone under the age did not interact with this blog.

If you wish to talk to us or make friends, please, do not be afraid to reach out! We are always willing to make friends. Send us an ask, or send us a message. We will not be bothered in the slightest.

Some information on us will be listed below, along with a guide to our tags. Thank you for your time!

⎯ Reynauld

-

Reynauld

He/Him | 35~ | 5'11" | Cisgender | MLM

-

Hello! My name is Reynauld, though you may also call me Rey if you so wish. I am known as The Crusader by others as well.

I am in a loving relationship with my dearest Dismas. I could not possibly be happier... he is a flickering flame in my darkness!

He has helped me through much of my amnesia regarding life in the modern world. I have learned a lot, but I may find myself clueless from time to time with anything new and not from my home. As such, most of the technicalities on this blog will be handled by Sarmenti or our host.

Other information? ...I have a soft spot in my heart for horses, I suppose.

Praise be the Light!

-

Sarmenti

He/Him | ~28 | 5'9" | Genderfluid | Queer

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This is Sarmenti! I don't mind being called "The Jester" either, but it's sort of silly to call a man only by his job title, don't you think?

I have found myself in a very passionate and beautiful relationship with my lovely songbird Baldwin! Yes I will be mushy about him on this blog, yes I will be as cheesy as I possibly can, and no, you cannot stop me. He doesn't have his own blog to link like Dismas does, but you'd find him in the same system that he's from. They're good people.

I have significantly less amnesia than what Reynauld experiences himself, so I handle a majority of things on this blog. Additionally, I have a burning passion for all things musical! A song for the unfortunate--sung with the soul and played from the heart--could mean much more than any plain spoken words... I also enjoy literature and poetry, to a lesser degree.

Continuing off of Reynauld? I happen to like foxes and songbirds.

There will come a poet, who's weapon is his word... he will slay you with his tongue, oh lei, oh lai, oh lord~!

---

Tag Guide

#➢ ⎯ “Signed‚ Reynauld.” - Posts & Reblogs from Reynauld

#➢ ⎯ “Signed‚ Sarmenti!” - Posts & Reblogs from Sarmenti

#✧ ⎯ “Truth prevails!” ❬Reynauld❭ - Posts featuring Reynauld

#✧ ⎯ “Slice‚ slice‚ slice!” ❬Sarmenti❭ - Posts featuring Sarmenti

#✧ ⎯ “Right where it hurts!” ❬Dismas❭ - Posts featuring Dismas

#✧ ⎯ “Petals must fall.” ❬Baldwin❭ - Posts featuring Baldwin

#✧ ⎯ “...Laughable‚ mate.” ❬Tardif❭ - Posts featuring Tardif

#✧ ⎯ “Get'em‚ girl!” ❬Willam & Fergus❭ - Posts featuring Willam & his dog Fergus

♡ ⎯ “On the old road‚ we found redemption.” ❬Reymas❭ - Posts about Dismas and Reynauld's loving partnership

♡ ⎯ “Ah‚ the songs we'll write together...” ❬JestLeper❭ - Posts about Baldwin and Sarmenti's unending duet

[naighostxng]

𝓶 𝓸 𝓷 𝓼 𝓽 𝓮 𝓻

hualian one shot part 1

ENGLISH//SPANISH

Sorry for the mistakes, my english it´s not as good as I would like!!!

Hua Cheng: Vampire King Xie Lian: Mortal Prince

The room was cold and the light dim, but he could feel the heat and fear and tension from the other side. A large man lurked in the shadows, watching him, wondering and analyzing. Xie Lian was completely disoriented, afraid of whatever happened to him to end up in the house and in a stranger's bed.

"Who are you?" Xie Lian asked the shadow, but he didn't reply. That strange being gave off an aura of evil and darkness from deep within his soul. He knew that being wasn't human, and if he wasn't human then he was a demon and if he was a demon he would want to kill him wouldn't he?

"What are you?" Xie Lian asked this time. He was not afraid of what would happen next, because if he was going to die there and now he would do it fighting against that unknown enemy.

For a long moment, nothing else happened. Xie Lian was already thinking of a thousand ways to escape from that place, but for that he must first find a weapon to defend himself, and when he saw his sword placed in a corner he decided that perhaps he should try to attack. He didn't know the strength of his opponent, which put him at a disadvantage; However, he didn't care.

"I'm not afraid of you" Xie Lian whispered.

He was about to jump out of bed to make his attack, when the being from across the room moved cautiously through the shadows, putting himself between the sword and Xie Lian.

Then, the shadow vampire extended a long, white and cold hand, his unyielding and death-threatening claws moved in the wind in Xie Lian's direction, but nothing happened after that. Xie Lian had thought that the demon would finish him off with a single blow since he was completely defenseless, but that being's hand did not move anymore. Stretched out in the air, waiting for Xie Lian to take it.

"W-what?" Xie Lian stammered. Perhaps that demon expected something in return, but what could it be? "What do you want" he said this time with a firm voice.

From all of that, Xie Lian only knew one thing, it was that this being had no intention of hurting him, did he? Or else he might have done it before when Xie Lian was just captured.

"Don't be afraid" at last a soft voice answered from the shadows, his voice was strong actually but he had spoken so softly that it could even be considered good intentions. But he wasn't foolish enough to believe that kindness, "a vampire can't be nice, he will never be nice to you" that was what his grandmother used to tell him all the time so little Xie Lian wouldn't talk to strangers.

And in a moment of heedlessness by the vampire hiding in the shadows, Xie Lian took the opportunity to run to where his sword rested. A surprisingly nimble move, he couldn't tell if the vampire was dumb or if Xie Lian was faster and more cunning. Either way, from one moment to another, Xie Lian pointed his sword at the "enemy's" throat.

"What do you want?" Xie Lian asked again angrily.

The demon made no move to feel threatened or disadvantaged, on the contrary, his body and his expression on his beautiful pale face was calm. He gave a small chuckle before saying honestly: "Want something? I've waited so long and lived too long that I want nothing and expect nothing from anyone in this world. But, this time, just this time I want something... from you."

"Then say it or die"

"I just want you to come with me"

Fanart credits to whom it may concern // Créditos del fanart a quien corresponda

Hua Cheng: Rey Vampiro Xie Lian: Príncipe Mortal

La habitación era fría y la luz tenue, pero podía sentirse el calor, el miedo y la tensión desde el otro lado. Un hombre corpulento se ocultaba en las sombras, mirándolo, dudando y analizando. Xie Lian estaba desorientado por completo, temeroso de lo que sea que le haya sucedido para terminar en la casa y en la cama de un extraño.

—¿Quién eres? —preguntó Xie Lian a la sombra, pero esta no respondió. Ese extraño ser desprendía un aura de maldad y oscuridad desde lo profundo de su alma. Sabía que aquel ser no era humano, y si no era humano entonces era un demonio y si era un demonio querría matarlo ¿o no?

—¿Qué eres? —Xie Lian preguntó esta vez. No temía por lo que ocurriera después, porque si iba morir ahí y ahora lo haría luchando contra aquel desconocido enemigo.

Por un largo momento, nada más ocurrió. Xie Lian ya estaba pensando en mil maneras de escapar de aquel lugar, pero para eso primero debía encontrar un arma para defenderse, y cuando vio su espada colocada en una esquina decidió que quizás debería intentar atacar. No conocía la fuerza de su rival, lo que lo tenía en desventaja; Sin embargo, no le importó.

—No te temo— Xie Lian susurró.

Estaba a punto de levantarse de la cama de un salto para realizar su ataque, cuando aquel ser desde el otro lado de la habitación se movió con cautela entre las sombras interponiéndose entre la espada y Xie Lian.

Entonces, el vampiro de las sombras extendió una mano larga, blanca y fría, sus garras inquebrantables y amenazantes de muerte se movieron en el viento en dirección de Xie Lian, pero nada ocurrió después de eso. Xie Lian había pensado que el demonio acabara con el de un solo golpe al estar completamente indefenso, pero la mano de aquel ser no se movió mas. Extendida en el aire, esperando a que Xie Lian la tomara.

—¿Q-qué? — Xie Lian balbuceo. Tal vez aquel demonio esperaba algo a cambio, pero ¿qué podría ser? —Que quieres —, dijo esta vez con voz firme.

De todo eso, Xie Lian solo sabía una única cosa, era que ese ser no tenía ninguna intención de lastimarlo ¿o sí? O sino podría haberlo hecho antes cuando Xie Lian recién fue capturado.

—No temas — al fin respondió una voz suave desde las sombras, su voz era fuerte en realidad pero había hablando con tanta suavidad que incluso podría considerarse de buenas intenciones. Pero no era tan tonto como para creerse de esa amabilidad, "un vampiro no puede ser amable, nunca será amable contigo" eso era lo que su abuela solía decirle todo el tiempo para que el pequeño Xie Lian no hablara con desconocidos.

Y en un momento de descuido del vampiro que se ocultaba en las sombras, Xie Lian tomó la oportunidad de correr hacia donde su espada descansaba. Un movimiento sorprendente y ágil, no sabría decir si el vampiro era tonto o si Xie Lian fue más rápido y más astuto. De cualquier forma, de un momento a otro, Xie Lian apuntó su espada a la garganta del "enemigo".

—¿Qué quieres?— Preguntó Xie Lian de nuevo con rabia.

El demonio no hizo ademán de sentirse amenazado o en desventaja, al contrario, su cuerpo y la expresión en su bello y pálido rostro era calmo. Soltó una pequeña risita antes de decir con honestidad: —¿Querer algo? He esperado tanto tiempo y he vivido demasiado que no quiero nada y no espero nada de nadie en este mundo. Pero, esta vez, solo por esta vez quiero algo... de ti.

—Entonces dilo o muere.

—Sólo quiero que vengas conmigo. 

[lifewithsyfe]

PLAYING WITH FIRE

Not quite sure how to put this into words, but someone else needs to know what I know. This story can save so many people and I won’t feel right until it’s consumed by as many as possible. I can’t express how many times I’ve tried to get this out. I almost even gave up on it, but God wouldn’t let me. So, let me make another attempt at it - this is how I escaped the devil: 

-

It was a Friday night, April 5th, 2019. 

I’m at El Rey on U street, having a few cold ones by myself. Just got off work, taking it easy...

-

Then, I end up running into and old “friend” I used to hangout with. Known him for about 7 years at the time: (Dave) - tall, black, dreads, above average build.

-

After a couple of drinks, he asks if I want to hangout at one of his friends house. Said we can smoke there and that she has a lot of drugs. 

So I accepted cuz I was originally going to let the night unravel on it’s own and it didn’t sound like such a bad idea at the time.

-

It was a habitual routine I developed during my heartache…

I’d go out alone, run into a group of people I knew, bar hop ‘til we ended up at an after hours spot (or someone’s place) and shamelessly sleep my next day away.

-

So we get to the front of his friend’s building and it’s like a 60sumn-year-old lady: 

(Robin) - fat, white, short, blue hair, top row gold grill and “ride or die bitch” tattooed on the back of her neck (amongst a couple others, but that one stood out most cuz it was in my face, while she was unlocking her apartment door).

-

At first, I thought it was a descriptive-type of tattoo. Like, she was saying that that’s what she was.

But in retrospect, it was almost like it was something she was saying to me - you’ll see what I mean later, if you don’t get it now.

-

Oblivious to what was about to happen next, I continued to walk through that door...

Something felt off, but I just figured it would be something low-level weird. 

I’m always seeing signs that show somebody dabbles in magic or the dark arts, but I figured “if I’m not actively practicing divinity or doing weird rituals, it won’t personally affect me…if I don’t create a ceremonial invitation, then I’ll be okay.”

-

Now, I’ve already had a good amount of spiritual experiences at this point (good and bad), but for some reason I just didn’t think anything like this would happen…at least not to me. 

-

I thought I had it all figured out, cuz I thought I’d seen it all - or at least enough. 

I should’ve known though…I was just so emotionally numb at the time, I was doing anything to feel anything.

I mean aesthetically, she looked like she’d have a few good stories or something. Needless to say by now, but I ignored the red flags. 

-

So, moving forward...

We walk in, sit on the couch, watch skate videos and start breaking down.

After a few minutes of small talk, they offer me some acid from a vile. Emphasizing how it was very high grade stuff - but I didn’t need much convincing anyway. 

-

I was very into psychedelics and considered myself extremely experienced in that realm. 

But just because I did it a lot, didn’t mean I was. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t though.

It was usually my go-to for when I needed that unrivaled escape from reality. 

So yeah, I took the witch’s brew thinking it was something I considered fun.

-

Once it starts to kick in, I can feel her beginning to stare at me from the end of the room - with a big grin on her face.

She then suggested that I take my jacket off cuz I’m going to end up getting really hot, and cackled like it was the funniest thing the world to say.

-

It was something she said a couple of times too. At first I didn’t know exactly what she meant, I just thought she was a basket case - but she was implying that I was going to end up in Hell…you’ll see what I mean.

-

A few moments go by and they suggest we move the party to the rooftop cuz her place was limiting and we could see more from up there. 

Plus, she wanted to blow bubbles…and I figured “tripping indoors is boring anyway, why not?”

-

Now because I took my jacket off and left it in her apartment, I began shivering after a while. 

I didn’t expect for it to be that windy, I wanted a nice little breeze.

So she says she’ll get me one, cuz she had to go in for more soap anyway - comes back and asks to put this fur coat on me. 

It was a nice coat, so I let her.

-

So I’m cozy now and she gives me a tour, showing me the cool visible parts of the city.

Telling me not to be afraid of my true potential and that I can obtain everything I want. 

I was feeling pretty good about those words, until I thought “that sounds familiar…what if she isn’t speaking in general?” - but I just chalked it up to her being an old hippy. 

-

She then grabs my arm and tells me to look at this red wall, as we walk to the other side of the building. I figured it’d be something visually enticing she was trying to share, but this was going to be her first attempt at hypnosis.

-

She asked if it felt like my soul was being massaged - encouraging me to ride it out. Essentially, trying to get me to put my guard down, saying “this is where dreams become reality.” 

Then, I began seeing holographic outlines of people in the wall. The traces reminded me of a glowing snail trail.

-

Right after, I saw myself turn into a block of flesh and almost being slid into the wall if I stared any longer. 

But like I woke up in one of those falling dreams, I snapped out of it.

-

With a laugh attached, she says “damn, almost!” 

And that’s when I stopped letting myself be completely naive. The veil was clearly being lifted before me and I needed to be alert. It’s just, I had this slight muffle surrounding my common sense. 

-

Now I knew hallucinogens were considered sorcery in the Bible, but I figured - one more time won’t hurt. It’s not like I wasn’t still smoking and drinking. 

It’s just crazy, cuz it was after learning about what the fallen angels taught us, is when I decide trip again. 

I blatantly chose to play with fire and defy God that night.  

-

See, these hypnotic spells are telepathic contracts. Once the manipulator is installing a vision, it’s at the last second where it becomes your choice to see what happens next.  

-

It nudges at your curiosity, feeling like it’s a part of the trip you’re supposed to let ride out.

But every time I almost did, my heart wasn’t having it and I’d snap out of it again.

-

Every time she would cast a spell, I could feel my soul almost getting pulled out - with a malicious presence surrounding me. 

The goosebumps I got from this thing, felt like it was ready to defile me in every way possible.

-

In disbelief that what I thought might be happening, wasn’t - I tell myself “let me not cause a ruckus for no reason, I am trippin’ after all. Think of something positive.”

But now my eyes are shifting everywhere, cuz I keep getting a glimpse of whatever’s approaching. 

Even with that many peculiarities, something kept me in denial.

-

Still though, she tries another set-up and tells me to look at how high up we are, as she gestured for me to look down from the rail. As if I didn’t already know, but I go cuz I also didn’t want to be rude.

-

So I grab the rail and lean over…

(Dave) says “don’t let go,” giving me this wide-eyed look with a smile and said “you feel it, don’t you?”

Then just like that, my heart jumped and my mind began getting flashes of demonic symbols and images like subliminal messages. 

-

My vision was about to go black, like the circle closing at the end of a cartoon…until I snapped out of it and backed up with my head on a swivel, angrily questioning them. 

That’s when I caught (Dave) behind me, quickly hiding his hands. 

-

Now I’m on survival mode and it feels like I can’t even make a step without risking my soul. I can feel that I’m being made a fool out of, but of course they gaslight me and try to calm me down…

I still didn’t want to believe I was in this kind of mess, but I’d be naive to let all that slide so easily.

-

So with caution, I’m trying to plan my escape - playing it as cool as I can, but my body is getting heavier by the second.

She then lifts her speaker and says “listen to these different frequencies, it can change your mood.”

I really wasn’t trying to listen, because I needed to leave and I didn’t trust her at all now. Especially not with anything sound related.

But then out of nowhere, I hear a distorted garble come out of the speaker and hit my ear.

-

I said “huh!?”

Then (Dave) was like “oh, you heard that...?”

I looked away and acted oblivious, cuz I felt that if they knew I could hear that, they’d bring out the big guns.

-

(Dave) laughed, saying to Robin “wait, he still don’t know what this is yet?”

Unintentionally, or intentionally letting me know. 

So I tried to leave and they started laughing. Trying so hard to keep me there…

-

(Dave) said “you already ‘bouta do it, it’s better this way anyway.”

Then he was like “look at my hands, this shit trippy, right?”

Followed by him creating an infinity symbol with his waving hands. 

Now this infinity symbol was made of light and floating in mid-air in front of him after he did it. 

Right after that, he did the hermaphrodite/goat-headed deity’s pose, flipping his hands and head perfectly in a stiff dance.

Which then caused me to see it’s true form in my minds eye. I snap out of it once again, trying to get a hold of my reality.

-

Once I can see them again, it’s like time stood still and only I could move. 

I’d look around and they’d be frozen. 

At this time, I can hear them having two conversations, simultaneously. 

All I caught was (Dave) say “he can’t hear us in this plane.”

-

Then as he slowly got up - like I was tuning through a radio, I hear a screeching static clear up. The sound then becomes like an electronic bleating and bellowing from a goat, in-sync, surrounding him.

-

At this moment, I’m a part of their their collective conscious conversation - essentially telepathy.

Then they began letting me know who they were. 

Saying that they were angels, that they were around before us and that I can be like them.

-

The whole time they were talking to me, they were trying to weaken and hypnotize me with hand signs - trying to convince me. Thing is, when they did try to convince me, they’d always talk around the subject at hand - but once you know what the subject is, the situation becomes clear. 

-

A lot of people might think they’d get physical and get out of there. I just don’t think they’d understand how it is fighting sleep paralysis, awake. 

I also knew that one false move would take me to the ‘sunken place.’

-

I knew I couldn’t just stand there though, but right before I grab the door to get to the elevator, (Dave) says “okay, you gon’ be waiting on that elevator forever; this is a REAL trip…c’mon, I thought you liked this shit.” 

Mockingly he asked “yeah, I guess you gon’ think twice about taking LSD again huh?”

-

I was thinking in my head “fuck, did I really just lose my soul? Is this how it happens? Is this where it all ends?”

I thought that was it, so I was about to give in and accept the offer - see what benefits I could get, if any.

-

Then from there, every time we almost sealed the deal, I would feel a hungry fire approach me from behind.

The one time I decided to look for where it was coming from, I got a vision with an orange blur in it - slowly materializing, until I could make something out of it. With the bit that I saw, I knew it was me being swallowed by fire and not dying. 

-

Immediately after, almost as if I had touched the flames themselves, I yelled in confusion “wait, what? No! Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior!”

-

To which (Dave) nonchalantly responds “okay, you do that...that [N-word] died a long time ago.” 

I look at him with disgust and continued to pray.

Telling God that He would never abandon His children if they encountered evil and that if there was a way for Him to save me to do it.

-

(Dave) says that I’m blowing his trip and leaves to the gas station.

At this time I could’ve left, but I still didn’t want to be alone in an elevator with him.

-

So as I’m praying, I begin to feel the dark grip they had on my heart loosen up. It was like my heart was pumping electricity throughout my body, then all around it. I could feel the forcefield - Christ had arrived and I could move my body freely. No more fear in taking the wrong step.

-

So on (Dave’s) way back, (Robin) announces it and says let’s go downstairs and get him. That’s when I hear (Dave) say - not yell, “open up” from all the way downstairs and I was amazed...I was like “wait, can he still hear me?” 

With him responding “DUH! Damn, you some shit!” and continued on his way.

-

So if I was to leave, this was going to be my chance.

In the elevator she tries enchanting me again, but I rebuked every attempt. 

I’m trying to maintain focus the best that I can, so I don’t slip - which made this elevator ride unnecessarily more intense than it needed to be.  

-

Once the elevator door finally opens, I see (Dave’s) silhouette behind a thick glass rail, carrying an ominous slouch. 

Walking towards me, he notices that I’ve calmed down. So when he sees my face, he smiles and asks “oh, you’re good now?”

-

I replied “I am and I’m not with the goofy shit y’all up to - I’m gettin’ the fuck outta here.” 

So as I’m walking towards the exit, he yells “that’s not the way out!”

To where I respond “fuck y’all!”

-

You would’ve thought I opened the door before touching it, the way I left out so fast. 

As that door closed, I did a little jog to get across the street. 

But a few seconds later, I feel this tingle in the back of my brain, as though it had neck hairs that stood up. 

I look over my shoulder and noticed he decided to follow me…of course. Shortly after I noticed him - with that bull-like slouch, he started running. 

-

Now I was a little ahead of him, so I didn’t start running yet. I had to make sure I knew where I was going before exerting my energy.

Every time I moved my head, I could feel the tingle coming from his direction. 

So there was no losing him - but I am fast.

-

I couldn’t call a ride because my phone was dead and I couldn’t go to anyone’s house at the time, cuz it was around 5am now.

As (Dave) got closer, I felt my vision going black and my body getting heavy again. A lot stronger this time…time to kick it into high gear.

-

Once it clicks into my head that the easiest place to catch a taxi in such a heated moment would be in Adams Morgan, an opportunity presented itself.

-

Ahead of me was a crosswalk and the orange hand was counting down it’s last seconds. Everything I ever learned told me I wasn’t going to make it, but I wasn’t going to stop running either.

-

So when my foot lands off the sidewalk, is when the cars to my left and right begin to move. 

That’s when everything moved in-slow-motion…and a burst of energy launched me across the street.

I’ll remember that moment as my own Air Jordan.

-

That moment bought me time, but he kept going too. This is when I start hearing echoed garbles crawl off buildings and jump into my ear “you acting like a bitch - come back!”

Perfectly as if he was next to me…I look behind me and it’s like he hasn’t broke a sweat. Completely focused.

-

From the gas station diagonal to the 9:30 Club, to the McDonald’s in Adam’s Morgan.

My body wanted to give out most of the way, but soul wouldn’t allow it.

I just had to keep running until I found a taxi - which I did.

-

That’s when (Dave) caught up, yelling “you look like an unk right now!” cuz 4 taxis stopped for me in that intersection.

To where I respond “I don’t give a fuck, I made it out alive!” 

I get in the car and tell the taxi driver to drive towards Maryland, that I’ll give him the address on the highway.

-

Finally, after surviving a living nightmare, I made it home. 

I went to my room, played some worship music, got on my knees and wrung myself out of tears to Christ.

-

Afraid to sleep because I knew they could contact me in my dreams.

So I didn’t until the drug wore off in the afternoon the next day…

I even felt that burn on my back as if it was sunburn for the next couple of weeks.

-

I’m so grateful to still be alive, because I’m 100% positive I’d be in Hell (with something else in my vessel) if I didn’t call on God that night.

It was like I was tiptoeing on a needlepoint to keep my soul.

[lukneetoonz]

Little Goddess Part II

——————————————————————-

Summary: As a newer goddess you think back on how you got to where you are; in the throne room sitting next to your husband, the god of the dead.

Pairing: Hades!Aizawa x fem!reader, DadNyx!Izuku x fem!reader platonic, MomSelene!Uraraka x reader platonic.

Warnings: Shameless flirting, cussing, bakubae threatening people like usual, aizawa being hot, both aizawa and reader talking down on themselves kinda, mean ex.

Word Count: 2,545

A/N: 2nd chapter!! Hope you guys like it! If you didn’t catch on, y/n gifted aizawa the cat version of Cerberus! He didn’t have a guard before and now he does! Also I really hope the tags work this time round!

NO ARTWORK POSTED IS MY OWN AND IS FOUND ON PINTEREST

——————————————————————

You never thought a place so hated and talked down on could be so- beautiful…. The skyscrapers all painted with glass walls it seemed. Even if it was in constant darkness, the moon- your mother’s moon glittered across the river Styx and reflected off windows. Turning to look at your father you smiled in disbelief, how could some place that was described as eternal damnation, be so- sleek? So aesthetically pleasing to one's eyes? “Are We at the checkpoint, or-” Your father laughed at your obvious amazement

“You hurt me, did you really think that the place me and your mother work constantly at could be horrible?” Izuku chuckled at your pouty face “Well I’m sorry that Everyone always makes a big deal about how scary it is here!” You would cross your arms but you still held the cat in your arms. You both arrived in front of the tallest building and you gulped as you stood in front of it “What if the king hates me?” You hear a small chuckle beside you only to be met with golden eyes

“Lemme guess, you’re a new egg?” Nodding your head, you stared at the winged man in front of you but your father was quick to jump in front of you “Keigo! I see you’re working today… this is my daughter, Y/N.” Your father had a nice smile on his face but his eyes were staring keigo down who had a lazy smirk on his face, golden eyes trained on you “Well, aren’t you a gorgeous little thing” The gods words made your father scowl and you blush

“Keigo, she’s young.” The winged god merely snickered “Relax Izuku! I just like to ruffle your feathers sometimes!” He laughed, a smile on his face as you looked at them curiously “You must be who the mortals call Hermes?” You spoke out, the attention on you now and Keigo nodded “That’s correct chickadee, but you can call me Keigo, or Kei for short” He took your hand and kissed your knuckles, winking at you with a small smile as you blushed and nodded, your father staring in disapproval.

“As much as I’d like to catch up keigo, We have a meeting with Aizawa. Y/N is going to be doing some work for him, today is her first meeting with him.” This peaked the blonde's interest as he raised his eyebrow “Ah, well good luck chickadee. Don’t be a stranger.” He smiled with a nod before flying off, your eyes following his movements “Are all gods that nice?” Your question made your father sigh “Be careful around the men… sometimes they get- power blind.”

His tone made you confused, but it made you remember stories of Zeus, or Enji, many affairs with mortals and nymphs, Queen Rei never once able to do anything about it. Nodding, you just walked in and followed your father, taking in the smoothly functioning atmosphere.

*•*

“Why can’t you just do your job quietly and not bother me katsuki?” Aizawa leaned back in his chair from behind his desk and sighed “You’re the God of Death. Your job is to bring the souls here, so what’s the problem?” The monotone voice spoke almost annoyed as red eyes glared, the younger God moving as his grey feathers ruffled in anger. “Because that shitty mail man thinks he’s better than me since you hired him!” Katsuki’s voice strained in anger as he clenched his jaw.

A cigar appeared in the King's hand and he took a couple puffs, before his dark eyes bore into the red ones. Calm anger stirring in them that made the younger God gulp but he still didn’t stand down. “Sit down Katsuki. Since you demand that your complaints are so worth my time, let’s go through this, shall we?” Aizawa’s voice was dripping with cold emotion and Katsuki tensed before sitting down, regretting his decision of coming in

“I hired that, what did you call him? ‘Mailman’, because I saw the population go up in the mortal world. When the population goes up, that means there will be more deaths, correct?” Katsuki moved to speak but Aizawa shook his head, his eyes glowing red in a threat. “I didn’t say you could talk- to be honest, your voice annoys me. So just nod or shake your head.” Huffing, Katsuki nodded as he looked away with a frustrated blush, trying to keep the cough down from the smoke that now filled the room.

“So I do something, nice, and you barge into my office, on MY company time, YELLING at me? I think I’m a pretty reasonable man, there’s never been riots here. No complaints, it runs smoothly, I think that I’ve proven myself to be reliable. Wouldn’t you agree?” The angry king seethed with smoke blowing through his nose, Katsuki only nodded slightly but Aizawa noticed. He always noticed everything. “So if you agree, why come and waste my time when you could've even scheduled a meeting?”

The red eyed man was stuttering, only to be interrupted by some laughing from beyond the office door and in came Hitsoshi, also known as Hecate, followed by Izuku and Y/N. You (e/c) eyes met dark ones that look in desperate need of sleep and a hug, taking a deep breathe you blinked away and tried to hide the blush on your face as you ignored the butterflies in your stomach

“Shouta- I didn’t realize Baku-please just fucking go already, was here” Shinso smirked, earning a glare from Bakugou as he clenched his fist. “You asshole, the next soul I bring will be yours I swear to god-” Before anything could happen, the cat in your arms jumped down and formed into a giant version of itself and hissed at both of them, keeping them apart. Everyone’s attention now on you as you smiled sheepishly.

“Ahem… hi, I’m Y/N, and I’m the Goddess of Monster, and I came to work here with my parents!” Aizawa felt his mouth go dry as he looked at you, eyes quickly skimming your figure and he flinched when he heard a glass picture frame crack on his desk… fucking power losing control. Izuku was by your side and smiling, but also making sure Katsuki and Shinso kept their distance.

“Oh c'mon Izuku, she’s not a child! Look at her-” Shinso smirked lazily as your face grew even redder as you whispered a small thank you. Katsuki tsked and rolled his eyes at you, looking at Izuku with a scowl. “Just because you think you’re some big, don’t expect people to treat her any differently. She’s just some newbie.” Katsuki was grumbling and Izuku huffed at his attitude, but it just made the cat hiss more at Katsuki and nudge Y/N in a comforting way and you finally found your will to speak

“Oh! Y-yes thank you cutie!” You quickly whispered to the cat, before making your way to the king himself and holding out your hand with a smile, “I wanted to thank you for giving me a job, and I heard from my father that you have to stay up guarding the gates to this place yourself, so I made you a little guardian…” Aizawa was stunned and he smiled softly, making every man in the room freeze in their spot as he took your hand gently and shook it. “Thank you… He looks like a Cerberus, doesn’t he?”

You laughed at the name, and oh god your laugh made his heart flutter in a way it hasn’t- well ever before. Looking at you even his eyes smiled slightly before he noticed you two were not alone and he coughed, fixing himself, putting the emotional guard back up and on duty. “But, you really shouldn’t have Y/N…. I hired you because of your abilities and plus every god and goddess that knew you spoke highly of you, so it was a good decision on my part.”

Eyes meeting the ground, you had to bite back the smile on your face as you took in deep breathes, “Well then take Cerberus as my act as your employee. No take backs, plus he really is a sweetheart and he deserves a good owner!” How could Aizawa argue with that? Simply he nodded before looking at the other men and raised his eyebrows, “Well? Don’t you all have jobs? I don’t bite. I just plan on taking her on a door, an orientation if you will.” Nodding, the men left but you father snuck a quick hug before he went. Feeling eyes on you, you looked up and smiled, “I can’t wait to see your kingdom, aizawa…”

*•*

You walked side by side with the king himself, a crown on his head as everyone he passed seemed to hold their breath and straighten up just a little bit more. The sight alone made you giggle, because all these people looked so afraid of a man who smiled so kindly at you, it confused you. “What has you giggling little goddess?” Aizawa’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you looked at him and smiled, looking at his raised eyebrows.

“Well… I just- you have the kindest smile I’ve ever seen yet everyone we’ve passed has held their breath and paled like you’re horribly mean. I don’t mean that as offense, I just find that your eyes are too kind to hold any type of evil.” A blush was prominent on your (S/C) cheeks as you finished talking, Aizawa himself seemed to be in a daze. “I’m sorry- that was weird! I didn’t mean to get too personal or weird!” The floor was now deemed more interesting as you started rambling, only stopping when a large hand was placed on your shoulder.

“Thank you… no one has ever said that about me or to me, for that matter, before. It means a great deal…” How he was even forming proper words was beyond him right now because even walking next to you in silence was hard since the smell of your perfume was overwhelming and making his senses go into overdrive, not to mention he can feel your body heat and he so badly wanted to maybe, just maybe, hold your hand. What was he thinking?! He just met you! Fuck fuck fuck- Izuku would kill him- hell he would kill himself for falling for such a young...beautiful… nice… goddess.

“Aizawa-” A hand- no YOUR hand waving in front of his face brought him out of his thoughts and he shook his head cursing under his breath “ ‘m sorry, just got lost in thought…” The soft smile on your face brought his nerves peace. “It’s okay.. we all have those moments! Anyway, you mentioned Tartarus before? Is that one of the places I have to work?” As soon as you mentioned that place, Aizawa’s face grew hard and his eyes were darker with an emotion you couldn’t place. “Promise me you’ll never go near that place little goddess. It’s a horrible place filled with true monsters. And since you’re similar to a fertility goddess, they’ll want to tear you apart.”

Nodding quickly you felt a shiver run down your spine at the demanding tone of his voice and the powerful stance he took. “I promise…” Your voice was a meek whisper and it made Aizawa feel horrible for being so hard on you. “I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to be so harsh, I just if something happened to you, your father would never forgive me…” and I wouldn’t forgive me, he wanted to scream… but he didn’t want to seem like a creepy old man. Of course it wasn’t weird for gods and goddesses to feel powerful emotions like this but- this was wrong… right?

You merely bit your lip and nodded, before walking forward, “It’s okay ‘zawa, sometimes you can’t turn off being king huh?” Your laughter filled the air and he just followed you as you both continued the tour. Everytime you could, you would sneak a look at the raven haired man, how could someone be so- beautiful? He took your breath away, really every detail was just so pretty, even the scar on his cheek bone, all you wanted to do was touch it and ask him about it then kiss it when he told you.

Sadly, like aizawa, you couldn’t help your thoughts and insecurities get to you as you kept thinking about maybe being flirty, see where it takes you… you were too young, plus you were here for a job! Strictly business! You’d be branded if you got with the king, your parents would be shamed! And if he turned you down what would he think of your parents? Would they lose their work here? Gods you couldn’t do that to them… hell, was he even single?

*•*

“Shoutaaa” A woman's voice made you both jump just as you were coming to the end of the tour, and Aizawa automatically grimace as he saw the green haired nymph. “What do you want Emi?” It was like you weren’t even there as the woman- now known as Emi walked up to Aizawa and flung her arms around his shoulders with a devious smile, “You know what I want…listen I’m sorry for not making it the other week, I was just tired…”

Aizawa pushed her off and scoffed, crossing his arms. “Yeah and I’m tired of you taking me as a joke. You have a job, and you’re lucky you still have that job. Get going” His jaw clenched as you merely looked at the situation, the woman looking taken back, her eyes finally settling on your form “Is it because of her? She doesn’t even look like she could handle you.” Her bluntly lewd statement made both you and aizawa blush before he spoke up in your defense, the lightest blush on his face.

“She’s the daughter of a friend Emi. Not that it’s your concern anyway, but this has nothing to do with her.” Emi rolled her eyes before trailing her fingers down Aizawa’s jaw and clicking her tongue, “You’ll be back.” Her voice was confident and sassy as she turned around and sauntered off, leaving you with a confused face and aizawa looking like he was about to blow. Well… I guess that answers your question. Mentally you just state his relationship status as: ‘It’s complicated’...

Taglist; @present-mel @maya-ngpirit @a-match-into-themoon @nhievyenne @negansnumberonewifie @darkqueenhyde @minfani @the-british-koala @lhcartoonist @fairy-inthegarden @creolemimi @taylor----wonderland

[insomniacowl]

Neon Genesis Evangelion analysis chapter 14: Ayanami Rei, Unit – 00 Part 1

Construction of Unit – 00

Evangelion Unit – 00 refers to the prototype and is the model that took the longest time to complete its construction. Yet it is also the model that is the most unstable and has gone berserk second-most times after Unit – 01. However, if Unit – 01 went berserk to protect its pilot Shinji, Unit – 00 going berserk has served only to hurt its pilot Rei and the people around it.

Since the act of going berserk is in the purview of the soul the resides inside the core of each Eva, it would be the intent of this soul to hurt those around it when it goes berserk. Therefore, let us focus on the question of the identity of the soul inside of Unit – 00.

Firstly, I would like to address one of the more prevalent views regarding the soul in Unit – 00 that is the argument that it does not have one. Such argument is supported using the text presented in the game Shin Eva 2 that says, ‘Creation of Core suitable for Rei was not simple as she did not have a mother’. Yet what this sentence tells us is the (of course very) important fact that Rei does not have a mother but does not stand as a piece of evidence on the absence of a soul in Unit – 00’s core.

The fact that Evas have a soul is the most fundamental understanding required from its viewers and this fact is recited often enough, most importantly through Ritsuko and Rei. The reason for this has been covered several times in the previous chapters thus I shall not go into it here. I will make my case clear here that I believe that Unit – 00 has a soul and I present my evidence to prove it in this chapter.

The first scene of importance to us is the sequence of it going berserk in episode 5

Operator: Unit – 00 is out of control!

Gendou: Cease the experiment, shut it down

Operator: Roger!

Operator: Unit – 00 has switched to its secondary battery

Operator: 35seconds to its complete shutdown!

Ritsuko: It's dangerous, please stand back!

Misato: So what was the cause of the accident that day?

Ritsuko: We don’t know yet, but its believed to be psychological instability from the pilot

Misato: Rei becoming psychologically unstable?

Ritsuko: Yes, I find it hard to believe coming from her

Misato: Just what could have happened to her?

Ritsuko: I’m not sure, perhaps….

Misato: Any ideas?

Ritsuko: No… that’s not possible

There are two important parts in this sequence is. First is the accuracy of which Unit – 00 can locate Gendou’s location among the amount of distress we see it to be in, and Ritsuko saying, ‘No… that’s not possible’ in her conversation with Misato.

Let’s look at the first part. As we have already covered, the action of Evangelion during its berserk state is the act of the soul in the core. It is definite that Rei had no negative feelings towards Gendou at this point, and Gendou’s ‘scalding’ sacrifice has made her fall in love with him. Yet it is also true that Unit – 00 was definitely targeting Gendou. Gendou, when this was happening, seemed as though he has expected it (Except for the fact that he was startled from the wall denting in) and keeps Unit – 00 perfectly in his sight.

Therefore, we can make a statement here that the soul inside of Unit – 00 truly despise Gendou, Gendou is aware of this fact, and he knows that this person’s soul is inside of Unit – 00. In this case, there are two possible candidates for the identity of the soul in question. First is Ritsuko’s mother, Akagi Naoko. Second is the soul of the First Rei.

If the identity id Naoko, she does have a legitimate reason to want to kill Gendou since she dies shortly after knowing of the terrible things, he has said about her behind her back. If it was the soul of the first Rei, she might have hated Gendou for sealing her inside of Unit – 00. But we do not have enough evidence yet to weight between the two hypotheses. So let us move onto the second part of the sequence. 

Ritsuko, when she is looking back at the failed experiment, seems to have thought of something when she says “No… that’s not possible”. The way she says it suggests that she does not have a definitive idea but a theory of what happened. In this case, we can suspect both possibilities of the soul but let's also consider that it was Misato’s question of “Just what could have happened to her(Rei)?” that triggered this realization.

If the identity of the soul was Naoko, Ritsuko would have had to go through the mental gymnastics of “Rei was psychologically unstable? What could she have seen in there? My mom who killed herself five years ago?”. Rather, my argument is that Ritsuko who knows the secret of the dummy system and of Rei would more likely agree with the First Rei’s soul hypothesis.

My next evidence is the following seen in the latter half of episode 14 when Shinji is riding Unit – 00 for ‘pilot interchangeability testing’. For this sequence, Rei did not have any problem when she was in Unit – 01 (This whole test likely being to test Rei’s brain system, as the dummy system, is compatible with Unit – 01), we see the problem when Shinji is on Unit – 00. In the synchronization phase, step A10: neural link application (When the soul in the core begins communication with the pilot), a myriad of images are forced into Shinji’s mind.

Ritsuko: Shinji, how does Unit – 00’s entry plug feel?

Shinji: It feels a bit weird

Shinji: Something is… it's forcing itself into my mind

Shinji: Ayanami… Ayanami Rei? Ayanami Rei’s feelings? Wait, no, this isn’t Ayanami

At first, we are shown Ayanami Rei that Shinji is familiar with, and the scenes we have seen in the previous episodes. Shinji too believes this to be Rei and begins thinking about her. But we quickly find irregularities in the images (Shinji is struck of a headache at this point likely due to the invasiveness of the images coming into his head) and at this point, we see a surreal image of Rei.

Right after this, we see Unit – 00 going berserk for the second time in the series. 

Misato: What’s happening?

Maya: Pilot’s mind is being corrupted! Losing control of Unit – 00

Ritsuko: Unit – 00 is denying Shinji?

Misato: Rei! Run!

The way Unit – 00 went berserk was different compared to the first. 

Unit – 00 did not aim for Gendou but aimed for Rei. Not only that, as though this was not enough, but it also begins to harm itself by repeatedly bashing its head against the wall.

What we need to take away from this sequence lies with Rei’s reaction to this Unlike Gendou who flinched, Rei stood still all the while being threatened by unit – 00. It is almost as if she is saying “Kill me if you want to”. We should also observe Ritsuko’s reaction to this being “unit – 00 absolutely tried to kill me[Ritsuko].”

Let us shine the spotlight on Unit – 00 going berserk. Through this sequence, we can add Rei and itself to the ‘unit – 00’s hate list’. Both of the hypothetical identities of the soul, however, can explain this sequence. Since Naoko has killed the first Rei and swiftly killed herself, it is highly likely that she would try to kill Rei again and try to destroy unit – 00 that is her current body. On the contrary, if the identity of the soul were the first Rei, she would definitely feel dissonance at the being that looked just like she did and harmed herself out of the feeling of being trapped in the Eva.

If so, how can we explain our Rei’s reaction or the lack thereof? It can be overlooked as we are made to think of this lack of emotion as Rei’s character identity, it goes against the other character identity we are made known of her, namely that unlike herself, she did not follow the orders given to her by Misato to run away from the attack. I believe this to have come from the mutual bond she shares with the unit – 00 and (coming from the seven months she spent trying to synchronize with) understand and emphasize this action.

This response from Rei is more explainable in the case where the soul is that of the first Rei rather then if the soul is Naoko’s. In the first case, Rei would be able to understand the action of Unit – 00 more compared to the case if the identity was that of Naoko who Rei has a reason to be afraid of and hate for she has been the victim of her assault. 

Ritsuko’s reaction to this is also interesting. She believes that Unit – 00 has aimed to kill her. If we flip the table and see from Ritsuko’s point of view for why she may think such a way, is that she is feeling guilty of something she did to the soul in Unit – 00. And as the lead scientist who was also in charge of preparing the core for Touji and Unit – 03, Ritsuko definitely knows the identity of the soul in unit – 00. 

If the soul is Naoko, What Ritsuko would be feeling guilty about is her having a relationship with Gendou who Naoko loved and was betrayed by.

If the soul is the First Rei, the guilt would come from the hatred she thinks the first Rei would have to her. The daughter of the woman that killed her, and the (likely) person that trapped the soul in Unit – 00. 

Suspect number 1: Akagi Naoko

If it looks as though I am pulling towards the idea of the soul being that of the First Rei, you would be right. But more then that, I am in complete disagreement with the often debated idea that Naoko’s soul is Unit – 00. 

This theory of Naoko’s soul being in Unit – 00 comes from Kitamura Masahiro’s “Complete Evangelion explained” that I have mentioned in chapter 12. Rather, he presents this theory less as a theory but as though it is canon. Gives no evidence, mentions this, and builds other arguments on top of this false canon. From here on, I will give pieces of evidence to refute his claims.

The most important thing to consider is that there is absolutely no reason for Gendou to put Naoko’s soul into Unit – 00. Rather I stand that it does complete disservice if the soul was that of Naoko. Barring what she has done to Rei, and that Rei and Unit – 00 were paired from the earlier days of planning, it would be insensible to put Naoko’s soul in the unit that Rei will come to pilot. 

Further, if we were to follow the Mother-child logic of soul – pilot, the pilot of the unit – 00 souls be Ritsuko, not Rei. When we see Gendou flinching in the fist berserk sequence, it shows that Unit – 00 going berserk was not expected to happen. Yet if it were Naoko’s soul inside, the Unit – 00 going berserk should have been something that was expected for Gendou, thus he would not have had the need to flinch, or not be where he was when it happened. 

Therefore, I state my case that the argument of Unit – 00 containing Naoko’s soul as something that ignores the logical flow of the setting and comes from the desire of turning Evangelion into Misery porn and make the characters suffer more than necessary. Therefore, I argue that ideas that stem from such mentality should never be given any weight in the debate of anything.

Suspect number 2: The first Rei?

Yet if you ask if my answer to the identity of the soul being that of the first Rei, I will be reluctant to say yes. What I have pointed out so far is that there is a great deal of contradiction to the idea of the soul being Akagi Naoko. 

The reluctance to say yes comes from the elephant in the room for the first Rei’s soul hypothesis, this being that since both the first and the second Rei contains Lilith’s soul. Thus, in this case, we come to a state that there are two souls of Lilith in co-existence, separate from each other physically. 

Let us take a break here. In the following chapter, let's discuss a little more about the hints that exist regarding Unit – 00’s core and attempt to conclude this discussion of the identity.

 TBC Ayanami Rei, Unit – 00 Part 2

[pinepickled]

Hello Pine! I hope things are going well. If you're still accepting asks for the Fanfic Ask game, I have a few. C,D,K,S,T and X? You don't have to answer them all if you don't want to.

Thank you for the ask Shy! And I never feel bad about answering these, so don't worry! They're super fun~

C: what character do you identify with most?

Hmm. I identify in part with many characters, but one sole character who I identify with the most just doesn't exist, I'm afraid. I identify with Mammon for his simultaneous stress reliever role in his family and how ostracized he is. I identify with Rei, from 3 Gatsu No Lion (March Comes In Like A Lion) for his quiet participation in his own life, trudging in an endless march with no reprieve in sight and pain wherever he turns. I identify with Natsume from Natsume Yuujinchoh for his need to hide the ugly, misunderstood parts of his life, even from those who live that very same life and seek to help him, or seek to drag him along the path they walked.

D: is there a song or Playlist you associate with a fic?

I dont listen to worded music when I write 🤣 I usually watch TV or have a lofi beat in the background. I'd say Monochrome Kiss is the closest I've come to listening to a song while writing, and it's a banger.

The song:

The fic it helped me write:

K: what's the angstiest plot you've ever come up with?

Aha, so many. One I currently have the first two chapters written for and I'm just procrastinating on publishing is a dark one for sure. It's a/b/o bc that's just how I roll, and the protagonist has to reckon with the fact that he is constantly at the mercy of Alphas more powerful than him, not because of his own gender as an Omega, but because of the shackles put on him as a consequence of his desire to help people. He needs to abandon his ideals of self sufficiency that arose from the abuse he endured trying to save his kingdom, and rely on the people that society has demanded he rely on from the beginning. It's like?? A double full-circle, I guess. He starts out wanting to help people and being able to ask for help to do so, while also being pressured to give up his ideals and become the good mate he's supposedly supposed to be. In the middle of this circle, he gets brutally beaten into giving up his ideals and is forced to live with the person who ripped this part of his soul out, but as time goes on he begins to sympathize with that man. The man eventually let's him go, but not before he has thoroughly given up his dreams of helping people, deeming them stupid and childish, and has lost all capability to ask for help when he is in pain or danger. Hundreds of years pass, the second love interest (first one being the man that slaughtered his dreams) comes into play, and he regresses/moves forward to relying on the people who hurt him for the power they lend to him out of good will to help people once more. He cannot help people without relying on these people, he cannot rely on these people without crushing his own mental structure again to fit into this mold. He snaps because of this, losing all ability to be upset at his situation, and happily indulges in the privileges of the people he is submissive to. It's a happy ending by all other means, but the journey to get there was long and brutal. Did he win? Depends on how you look at it.

(It should be up on ao3 after Kakashi Bingo and Whoregumi)

Then there's my personal story, a novel I'm writing in hopes of getting it done for NaNoWriMo. My MC, Clyde, has severe anxiety and paranoia. He cannot function without using his husband, Kai, as a crutch- but Kai dies in a freak accident. Clyde, unable to function in the city he currently lives in without Kai, goes back to his home country. The home country isn't very religious in general, as their religion does not really call for much worship and such outside of simply knowing the legends, but Clyde comes across one of their religious symbols: a suit of armor known to drive it's wearer insane yet gifting great power in return. The more unstable your mental state when first putting it on, the more power you gain in return. It immediately latches onto Clyde, and the other suits of armor deem him too dangerous to live. It's really just a chase story. Clyde is being chased by his husband's corrupted spirit, the other suits of armor, and the looming mind break. He wants to live... but he doesn't. Not without his husband, not like this, but he has no other choice because whether these spirits chasing him are the product of the death of his husband or a prank on Kai's part, Clyde can't tell. All he knows is Kai didn't die, and Clyde can't die until he finds him and gives him a solid punch to the face for doing this. It's dark on the sole premise that Clyde's mental space goes down, down, down, and it doesn't really get better till the finale. If you can call it better.

S: any fandom tropes you can't resist?

~SO breaks your heart so you fuck their dad~

T: any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Taking characters wronged by the narrative and excusing their behavior by imagining a world where they didn't rebel. Take Sasuke for example: his entire clan was ostracized, the jobs they could get regulated to police work only so the village would hate them, their children stolen and brainwashed into the military, their precious eyes ripped out to further the village heads power, and then the entire clan was genocided by one brainwashed teenager from their own clan, whom they refused to fight against due to his age and the fact he was from the clan. These are all reasons for the sole survivor, Sasuke, to be upset, yes?

Yet time and time again I see AUs where people "fix it" by "making Sasuke a good guy" and having him live peacefully in the village that killed his people. Like. Fuck off. Sasuke, despite what shitlords like to say, is not the antagonist of Naruto. He is a companion to Naruto, the one that says "you have been wronged. Be angry. Don't hate me, join me."

But kishi doesn't know how to write for shit so that plot was lost very early on.

X: a character you enjoy making suffer:

Uh, let's see

Mammon, Lucifer, Xie Lian, Kaeya, Toji, Kakashi, and Natsume.

Thank you again for the asks Shy!

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Savor The Display:  Chapter 1

Mizael quite liked the fact that his human clothes – wherever did those come from, anyway? - covered up his arms. He didn’t have to see the names written in elegant markings there. He knew what they said, of course. He’d been able to read them as far back as he could remember.

On one arm, the name was that of his soulmate. On the other, the name of his mortal enemy. Not everyone was blessed with such clear knowledge of their love or their enemy. He knew well that Durbe and Nasch were soulmates – they shared marks that glowed when they stood close to one another.

Or so they had. Mizael didn’t know if they still did, with Nasch being missing. But they were soulmates.

Mizael didn’t know if Alit had a soulmate or not. He’d never said anything, and even when he did talk about something, Mizael seldom listened to him in the first place. He remembered Merag having mentioned once that she saw no color and likely wouldn’t until she met her soulmate. He didn’t envy her that.

He knew very well about Vector’s soulmate.

Humans, and apparently Barians, had an infinite number of ways in which one’s soulmate could be detected or observed or discovered. Mizael’s names were just one of them. For the longest time he’d wondered what the name on the left arm had meant…

He did wonder exactly what humans thought about marks like his, and decided that it wouldn’t do any harm to do some research. Humans were inferior to Barians in every possible way, but they did have a long history of soul-marks, so perhaps someone had written something about that.

Thusly, Mizael made his way to a place he’d heard about – the local library. The unfortunate part of that was that he didn’t know where the library was in the first place. His avenues for information about the human world were few and far between, unless he wanted to grab a random human and demand information.

I think I’ll have to. He had a suspicion that Vector might know, but he didn’t really want to ask Vector, for a multitude of reasons. Amongst those being that he didn’t know where Vector was right now. Probably still in his ‘Shingetsu Rei’ disguise, which Mizael didn’t really approve of to start with.

He cast a few glances around, trying to determine who he could ask. There weren’t many humans around who looked his apparent age and the adults all seemed too busy. Not that such would stop him if he couldn’t find anyone else, but he presumed someone who would be of ‘school age’ would be more likely to have the information he wanted.

A noise caught his attention and he followed where it came from until he stood in a tight, dirty alleyway. His lip curled at the stench that slunk through the air. He’d never seen a place so foul before. Empty boxes had been tossed here, subject to the whims of the weather, and from the lack of light, only one exit led in or out. Tiny puddles of oil-streaked water splattered here and there, gleaming faintly in what little light managed to work its way down there.

That little light also revealed those who lurked here. A half dozen burly humans – the largest of them wasn’t even half the size of Gilag – lounged on piles of boxes, chatting amongst themselves. Mizael regarded them with a definite air of turning around to leave, when one of them glanced up and saw him there.

“Hey, who invited the pretty boy?” That one half-shouted. “I mean, we could use a few more decorations around this place!” He seemed to think he’d made some sort of amazing joke, throwing his head back and guffawing.

Mizael wasn’t impressed. He didn’t know a great deal about humans but he had a suspicion that these people weren’t going to be able to tell him where the library was. That was just his luck.

“Well, pretty boy?” The one who’d spoken leered at him. “Come on over here. I want a better look at you.”

“No.” Mizael didn’t move for a second. Nothing else needed to be said, and he turned around. He stopped a breath later; had he seen someone lurking over there, just out of sight? It seemed nothing more than a flicker of something, but he couldn’t be certain.

He hadn’t really taken a full step before the idiot human spoke again.

“He really is pretty, isn’t he? Bet all he’s good for is -”

Hearing what the human thought brought Mizael back around, hand dropping down to his deck at once. Dueling humans wasn’t really fair; these weren't Kaito, they couldn’t give him anything close to a fair fight, but right now, he didn’t care. For what he’d said, Galaxy Eyes would feed very well. “What did you say?” Mizael refused to yell. He didn’t need to. The earth under his feet shook with the force of his rage. How dare these humans say something so vile about him? Who had given them the impression they could get away with such filth? The human grinned at him. “Oh, didn’t you hear me? Let me repeat it.” “That won’t be necessary.” Mizael bit the words off. “If you think you can speak of me like that, you will regret it. Do you duel?”

“Sure do!” The thug laughed. “I’ve got a perfect win record, too! You want a duel, you got one!” He started to lever himself to his feet.

Mizael looked forward to tearing this idiot apart. He hadn’t yet pulled out his deck before a very familiar arm slid around his waist and he was pulled back against Vector, who dropped a small kiss on his neck.

“You’re not going to have fun without me, are you?” Vector purred. Mizael suspected Tskumo Yuuma wouldn’t even recognize his ‘friend’ Shingetsu Rei right now. “That’s very cruel of you. You should at least let me get some popcorn first.” He laughed softly, breath puffing against the side of Mizael’s neck. “You know how I love a good show.”

The humans muttered among themselves, then the leader laughed even louder than before. “Look at that! He’s got a boyfriend! One of those prissy schoolkids!”

Vector’s eyes glinted softly. Mizael doubted the humans would have seen that, but he did, and he knew what it meant. How much pain these fools were in now depended on which one of them dealt with them.

“Are you my boyfriend?” Vector murmured. His right hand brushed against Mizael’s right forearm. A great rush of warmth swept through Mizael at the contact, even though his clothes. The touch of his soulmate on him – Mizael hated the direction his thoughts turned after that.

“We are soulmates,” he growled the words out. Vector’s name on his right arm, Tenjo Kaito, his mortal enemy, on his left arm. He’d known for ages, but that didn’t make it any easier.

The humans howled even more at that.

“A soulmate?” The leader shook his head, snorting. “What a joke. So, you gonna duel or not, pretty boy?”

Vector stepped back, not even gracing the thugs with a look, regarding Mizael in anticipation. “You take care of this and I’ve got a couple of things to teach you afterwards. Have you ever had a chocolate milkshake?”

“Never heard of it.” Mizael wasn’t afraid to admit that. Humans treats had never appealed to him, but he’d also never spent much time in human form. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to see what pleasures this place had to offer.

“The sooner you’re done with them, the better, then,” Vector promised. Mizael glanced over to the humans, who had no idea of what was about to happen to them.

He wouldn’t make it hurt as much as he could. He wanted this to be quick and clean. It would probably be the only clean thing in this disgusting alleyway.

“Duel!” He snapped the word out, and waded into battle.

Chocolate milkshakes were, Mizael decided, quite a worthy reward for the effort that he’d put in. The thug hadn’t really given him many issues, nor had the two who’d demanded to duel him afterwards. When he’d finished them both off in a two on one duel, Mizael decided that was all he felt like doing. It probably helped that the rest of their gang ran screaming in fear.

Vector took the time to search the pockets of those Mizael defeated, and used that to pay for their treat. Mizael might have cared, if those idiots hadn’t been human and hadn’t insulted him the way that they had. Besides, something useful should be done with their funds. They weren’t using it on hygiene, obviously.

“What are you doing around here anyway?” Vector wanted to know. His eyes narrowed briefly. “You’re not trying to find Kaito again, are you?”

“What if I was?” Mizael snapped back. “He’s the enemy of my soul.” He rested one hand on his left arm. “It is our fate to fight one another.”

Vector made an unpleasant noise before he returned to his own milkshake. “You didn’t answer the question.

“I was looking for the library,” Mizael admitted. “I have something I want to look up.”

That got a very suspicious look from Vector. “What?”

Mizael regarded the depths of what had been his milkshake. Being in possession of a mouth and throat was much more interesting than he’d first imagined it might be. Was this one reason Vector seemed to enjoy spending so much time as a human? He could taste things? Eat things?

It was a much messier form of intake than absorbing energy through one’s gems, of course. But perhaps it did have something to recommend it.

“Mizael?” Vector prodded at him with the tip of one foot. “What did you want to look up?”

He turned a bright blazing glare on Vector, who basked in it briefly, then shrugged. “I wanted to research how humans view soulmate marks. Especially like ours.”

Vector glowered at him. “Why? What else would you need to know? Right arm, we’re made for each other. Left arm, mortal enemies destined to slay one another.” He snickered softly at that.

Mizael didn’t know if Vector had a name on his left arm. He’d never seen it, which he knew wasn’t usual, given their existences in Barian World. But more than once he’d seen the way Vector snickered over the thought of a mortal enemy. Perhaps it was Tskumo Yuuma? It would certainly explain Vector’s long-term disguise of ‘Shingetsu Rei’.

“When are you planning to drop that facade?” Mizael wanted to know. “It doesn’t really get you anything.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised about that,” Vector replied, laughing softly. “But you’ll see what I have planned soon enough. I might even need your help before it’s all over with. You and Durbe both.”

Mizael wasn’t so sure about that. Though if it meant he had a chance to come up against Kaito again, he might go along with it. Power sang through his veins at the thought of Galaxy Eyes Tachyon chewing through Galaxy Eyes Photon once and for all. It would happen, sooner or later. He knew that for a fact.

Vector toyed with a napkin. “You know, there’s a chance that he could see us here.”

“What?” Mizael stiffened a trifle. He cared very little for Vector’s actual plans, but the overall goal to destroy the Astral Messenger and save their world meant more than anything, no matter how little he liked it. He started to get up, but Vector shook his head.

“He’s not here right now.” Vector waved Mizael back down to his seat. “He’s running some after-school errands on the other side of town for his grandma.” Vector’s lips twitched. “Apparently he does this a lot.”

Mizael wasn’t even certain of what a grandma was. Perhaps he would look that up if he ever got to the library. For now he just shrugged. “If you say so.” He was more interested in finding Kaito and finding the information he wanted than anything else. Yuuma was a respectable duelist, but not nearly on his own level. Though he wouldn’t turn down the thought of Yuuma calling Kaito to him.

Vector finished the last of his milkshake, then met Mizael’s eyes. “Are you done?”

Mizael knew that look very well. He pushed his own glass away and stood up. Vector joined him, the two strolling out of the shop and heading away.

Vector knew the city better than Mizael did, and guided him carefully through it, making a point to avoid any gatherings of younger humans. Once or twice he darted down alleyways and less populated thoroughfares, tugging Mizael after him, until Mizael had no idea whatsoever where they were.

They didn’t stop until they reached a long alleyway, more brightly lit than the one they’d crossed paths with those ignorant thugs in. Vector gestured to the far end of it.

“Alit and Gilag’s place is down that way. Are you staying there?”

Once again Mizael’s lip curled upward. “Why would I stay with them?” He would if he had no choice, but his first preference would always be to return to Barian World. Technically speaking he wasn’t supposed to do that until the mission had been finished. Being able to control feeble human minds meant he could acquire lodgings wherever he chose.

Vector’s lips twitched the tiniest fraction. Something pleased him a great deal. Then, without warning, he grabbed hold of Mizael’s collar and slammed him against the nearest wall. He crushed his lips hard against Mizael’s.

Truth to tell, this was the first time in his entire life that Mizael had ever kissed anyone. He’d never had lips before. Feeling Vector’s against his wasn’t something he’d ever thought about. It sparked a rush of heat to flow through him, and he started to lean into the kiss, as something began to intrude against his lips.

Tongue? He’d managed to get used to having a tongue. It was useful to speak with in this form. But he’d never thought about using it in kissing.

He wasn’t sure if Vector had that much experience in kissing, but he clearly knew what he was doing, and as far as Mizael could tell, they were both enjoying the situation a great deal.

Mizael focused so much on Vector’s lips on him, on the way that his hands traced against Mizael’s own skin, that he almost didn’t hear the quick footsteps, or the sudden sharp gasp of breath. He only noticed something as off when Vector broke the kiss and stepped back, turning towards the end of the alleyway that they hadn’t entered by.

“Yuuma-kun?” Vector sounded different, a little higher and quivering. Mizael turned to see Tskumo Yuuma standing there, packages dropped around his feet, staring in surprise and shock. Astral wasn’t there, which worried Mizael a trifle.

“Shingetsu??”

To Be Continued

Notes: Vector does love a good show – even if he has to arrange for it himself. More than once…

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 67

Warning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. Tag lists are closed

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother,  but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 67: Planning a Wedding

This was the first time in a while that you had woken up completely alone. You were thankful that the sleeping pill put you to sleep because if it didn’t you were pretty sure that falling asleep would have been hard since Kylo wasn’t wrapped around you. The bed felt empty, but you weren’t alone for long. Adlez and Olivia-Rose were there a few minutes after you became conscious.  

You went about your usual morning routine of getting dressed, having breakfast, learning your schedule, and so on. Somehow it all felt rather monotonous. This repeated for the first few days until you were informed that the dressmaker would be arriving to take your measurements and to design your dress.

You were expecting to meet a man but were surprised to see a rather older looking woman greeting you, “Good morning Lady Ren, I am here to design your ceremony gown.” Her voice was that characteristically sweet old lady voice that always comforted you.  

“It is nice to meet you, I trust my lady-in-waiting sent you some of the designs we need to beat. This is a rather important dress and I would like to get it right.” No, you had to get right, and she knew that.

“Of course, the dresses she sent over were some of the best ones worn by Queen Padme Amidala . Are they something you would like to emulate or are they just something to compare to?” You watched as her kind gray eyes watched your face, they were rather comforting.

“Something to compare to, I also believe she sent over some dresses from my planet as well, some dresses that royalty have worn .” You had seen some of the royal wedding dresses splashed across tabloids at the supermarkets. You knew people always loved them, and you had to admit that they were rather pretty.

“Yes, the main theme from those dresses that I could see were white lace gowns that were modest and featured long trains. Is this something you would like to start with?” She seemed to read you very well, in many ways she seemed like another person you could trust.

“Yes, I want a white dress as it is traditional where I come from. But I would like to include something from Naboo if possible.” You had seen the dresses Adlez had sent over, none of them were really your taste, but you knew Kylo’s grandmother was famous for her fashion sense. And he had a deep devotion to his grandfather, so you wanted to honor his wife.

“We could include some specialty embroidery or lace, Naboo is famous for it unless you would like to have a stuffed bodice?” You did not want the horrid puffy sleeves of her dresses, nor did you want the rather elaborate hairstyles she favored.

“No embroidery or lace will be fine. I am not a fan of large puffy sleeves. I sort of want something sleek and timeless. Something that will be spoken about for millennia.” You hoped the galactic fashion trends were similar to Earth’s in that some things were considered timeless.

“May I ask where the ceremony is being held?” She started to take out her sketchbook and jot down some notes.

“The castle on Mustafar,” you stood by your agreement to have it there, even if a small part of you wished you could have it back on Earth.

“Ah, so I must make you stand out from the architecture. It features a lot of harsh lines and symmetry. And you must stand apart but yet together with the Supreme Leader. I trust the Supreme Leader will have something special made by one of the First Order tailors.”

She started sketching design after design, eventually; you settled on one. Something that would make you look feminine and delicate against the architecture, but yet regal and powerful. It would feature lace from Naboo, and a long train and veil combo that would bring in the royalty vibes you were hoping for. She took the final design and informed you she would be back in a few days with the dress.

All the excitement of designing a wedding dress dissipated after a bit. You were then left to your regular routine of learning, going to meetings, and meeting with your staff.

Kylo had been gone five days before you heard from him. He had yet to make any real headway in finding the scavenger.

“I’ve missed you,” you said as you saw his face appear on the holocall.  

“I’ve missed you too, Kitten.” Gods how you missed his voice. You hoped all of this would end soon because you couldn’t take it for much longer.  

“Are you lonely without me?” If he asked you that question back you would beg him to come home. But he didn’t.

“Terribly, the bed is cold, I miss my morning kisses. My nightly showers are even worse, as there is no beautiful woman to climb into bed with afterward.” He gave you a wink that had you blushing all over. You were glad the holocall gave you a blue cast as you were sure he would tease you about it. “As much as my knights are my brothers, they are no replacement for you. I also don’t think Ushar and Cardo would appreciate playing with me like you do, Kitten.” Now you were fully beat red. “Although Cardo does seem lonely himself. Maybe you could talk to that lady-in-waiting of yours to message him, to cheer him up?”

Of course, Adlez was up to shenanigans when you weren’t with her. “I know nothing of their relationship. If he is feeling lonely, then he can message her himself. “You truly didn’t know anything, and you kinda preferred it that way.

You heard a chuckle come from his deep resonating chest, only muffled by the audio of the holocall, “You are lucky you don’t hear their talks about her then. I am afraid your lady-in-waiting might tarnish my knights.”

“Hey now, she is the one you picked for me. I think she’s just whipping them into shape.” He did pick her out for you, a decision he should probably regret.  

“Literally,” he said with a smirk. You could see the playful water swirl in his cauldron eyes. Eyes that you really wanted to drown in.

“I did not need to know that.” Now the image of Adlez with a riding crop popped into your head, an image that would scar you presumably for life.  

“Well, Kitten, it might be something we can experiment with too once I get back.” And for the first time since you’ve met him, he actually winked at you. You had no idea where this truly flirty side was coming from, but you hoped it didn’t leave.

Your face was now completely on fire. In an attempt to change the subject, “How are you advancing on your mission?”

His face turned into a scowl. “She has been difficult to find, It hasn’t been easy. Once Rey is dead, my mother will hand herself over quietly. But for now, I have to go, we will be dropping out of hyperspace in a few minutes and we will be searching the planets in this system.”

“Where are you off to again?” You haven’t heard directly from him in the last few days, but you have been receiving updates. But you had still yet to learn about the galaxy and its many planets.

“Pasaana, we have a lead that she may be headed there. I will call you when I can.” You could hear some of the knights moving around in the back of the call. You hoped he would just finish what he needed to do soon so he could come back to you.

“Return to me in one piece, please.” If he got hurt or killed, you wouldn’t know how to handle yourself.

“I will.” You watched as his image faded from in front of you. The call ended. And you were alone once more. Alone to face the next few days by yourself.

In the rush of being able to talk to him again, to see him. You had completely forgotten about the need to chew him out for not actually proposing to you. To just leave you in the hands of the rest of the First Order to plan a wedding. But you missed him, you were lonely.

The last few days you had just been eating dinner by yourself. You knew Adlez was eating with the knights and that Olivia-Rose and Mitaka were probably together. All in all, you felt rather more alone. Everyone around you seemed to have a life outside your chambers. Not that you didn’t, but you hadn’t the true freedom of being able to walk the halls or to meet new people to just be friends with.

You had been keeping tabs on your friends back home on Earth. Hayden and Carter both seemed to be doing fine. Hayden had applied for the ‘trooper corps that would be stationed on Earth and Carter seemed to be excelling at work. You knew that calling them wouldn’t be the same as before all this happened. All of you had changed. You dreaded knowing what they were like after the education had fully set in. You were different to but in ways you could not describe. For better or worse you were a different woman than when you first met Kylo. You were becoming more like him every day, and it should bother you, but right now it comforted you. He was gone but was still with you at the same time.

You also did not want to call your parents or siblings. Your parents had been disrespectful to you before you left. You wondered if they would attend the ceremony, your wedding. Or if they would just watch the broadcast like every other First Order citizen. Hux would know, but you didn’t really care either way. Kylo was your family now, and maybe one day you would make one with him. In many ways, Olivia-Rose, Adlez, Mitaka, Hux, Phasma, the Knights of Ren, and your staff were your family. But Kylo was home, and no one could take that away from you. Not Rey, not his mother, no one.

You got yourself ready for bed, as you had been for the last few nights. The only person who saw you was the doctor as he administered your sleeping pill. You took less time to get ready as really; you had no one to get ready for. There was no Kylo to warm the bed or to wake you up. It was just you.

Once the doctor left after you received your dose you rolled over to Kylo’s side of the bed. His pillow still smelled like him and it helped ease the loneliness as the blackness of sleep took over. No dreams to disturb you.

The next few days were as monotonous as ever. The same routine day in and day out, until the general informed you that the ship had arrived at Mustafar two days ago but that they were having trouble preparing the castle.

“So this isn’t a First Order controlled planet?” You assumed it was when it was suggested in the first place.

“It technically isn’t but we haven’t had a problem here in the past, but I suppose that might have to do with the Supreme Leader’s presence at the time,” responded Hux. You were joined by all your staff as you were planning more details for the ceremony.

“So they will continue to be hostile, and the place where my wedding is supposed to happen will be in ruin?” Just what you needed. Your match was out trying to kill someone to protect you, but you were sent off to a battlefield where you were supposed to get married and be crowned Empress.

“Well, the castle isn’t necessarily in the best of conditions in the first place,” said Captain Mitaka.  

“Then why was it recommended?” You had yet to receive any information on your wedding venue, really. You had no idea what it looked like, not that you could really change it now.

“Because it was Lord Vader’s personal residence and his influence on the Supreme Leader’s life has been significant. He holds his grandfather and his legacy in high regard,” responded Hux. You knew the answer but were just frustrated at the current situation. Nothing felt like it was going to plan.  

“So who is attacking the ground troops?” No one had told you who, just that they were being attacked.

“Alazmec of Winsit, Sith cultists. They believe Lord Vader to be a deity,” said Hux.  

A lightbulb clicked in your brain. “Do they know that the Supreme Leader is a direct descendant of Darth Vader? And that he would like to have a wedding at his grandfather’s castle?”

“No, they do not,” said Mitaka.

Why is it that you occasionally felt like the smartest person in the room? “Can we reason with them, inform them of this?”

“We have tried, the troops we have sent have been defeated.” Hux was starting to look easily frustrated. You had no idea how many people they had sent down or how many of the cultists there were, but surely this couldn’t keep on going when you had a wedding to plan.

You had made a decision. “I shall go reason with them.”

“I don’t think that is a good idea. I don’t believe the Supreme Leader would approve of you putting yourself in harm’s way,” said Hux.

“Is the Supreme Leader here?” You have had enough.

“No,” said Mitaka. And this is why he was one of your favorites.  

“Exactly and did he give explicit orders to keep me from going to the planet’s surface?” You were determined to get this whole thing over with.

“No, m’lady,” said Hux. You could tell that he knew he was going to regret saying that.  

“Then I am going down to the planet to reason with them. I will have the knights and Captain Phasma with me. The only way I could be safer is if the Supreme Leader was here himself, but then again if he was we wouldn’t have this problem.” You were starting to understand how a Bridezilla was formed but was it really that unreasonable to get your ceremony space in order? You had promised that you would have your wedding on Mustafar and come hell or high water, you were going to have it there. After all, you were going to be the Empress of the entire galaxy one day, so you should have a wedding to remember.

[summahsunlight]

Worth the Risk, Part 8

Rating: Mature(18+only)

Word Count: 1881

Pairing: Army Pilot!Poe Dameron x Nurse!Reader (1940s AU)

Summary: It’s the 1940s, Army pilot and Captain Poe Dameron is flying on missions for the United States Army in Europe.  After being shot down off the coast of France, Poe wakes up in an Army hospital in England, to find you, a nurse, taking care of him. Throughout the process of his recovery, Poe finds himself falling for you, and even though you, for the most part, maintain a professional relationship with him–you’re falling for him as well. Both of you know the risks of falling in love during a war, but then again, both of you have never cared much for being cautious.

Warnings:  Angst, swearing, Ben Solo makes a cameo appearance

Taglist: @fanfic-addict-98, @thescarletknight2014, @blushingwueen, @americasass-romanoff, @ginger-swag-rapunzel​, @spider-starry​, @totelpoedameron​, @captain-america5​, @liadamerondjarin​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​

Taglist is still open! Let me know if you would like to be added☺️This time Reader is played by Haley Atwell. As always, likes, asks, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I love to hear your thoughts, so please don’t be shy❤️

Three weeks had passed since Poe rejoined the Army, but to you it felt more like a lifetime. You hadn’t heard from him since he left and you suspected you wouldn’t hear from him for a while; the mail was incredibly slow during war. Never-the-less, you checked each day to see if Poe had sent you a letter--in between preparing your unit of nurses for deployment. 

Hux was even more prickly than normal. Many of the nurses stayed clear of him, but you, being in charge of the nurses had to deal with him on a daily basis. You dealt with it though because you wanted your nurses to be prepared for the mission to France. Everyone was anxious and on edge-- Hux were just being downright cruel. 

You tolerated it because you were afraid if you said anything, Hux would inform the Army of your relationship with Poe and ship you back to America. You were more helpful here in Europe--so you kept your mouth shut. And when you knew Hux wasn’t around, you would take out the photograph you had of Poe and look at it, longingly. 

There was a void inside your soul without Poe around. You missed his arms around you, you missed the way he would gently kiss your nose when he thought you were being adorable; you missed his hand in yours as you walked around the hospital grounds. All you could do for now was pray that he was safe and that he stayed safe in the coming days. 

It was that night, you got your first letter from Poe. Locking yourself in your room, you read it, holding tightly to the photograph of Poe you kept with you at all times.

May 16, 1944

My darling, I miss you more than words can say. Being back at the barracks, with my boys is surreal. It was like being with you was a dream that I was forced to wake up from I know that this is where I need to be, that my country needs me to fight the tyranny that is Germany--but my heart just longs to be with you.

The boys keep making fun of me, of course. It’s all in good nature. I don’t mind it, really. They need an outlet, they need an escape from the hell that our lives have become since entering this war. Although, I did threaten Arana I was going to tell lies about him so you wouldn’t want to set him up with any of your friends. For now, that seems to have shut him up. I know that they mean and everyone is on edge with the talk of invading Normandy.

I keep hearing that the next mission might be the most important one we’ve undertaken to date. Some are saying that it we take Normandy, we’ll win the war. God, I hope they are right. I’m so tired of fighting in this war, sweetheart. I just want to go home--I want to take you home with me to meet my father. I think he’d loved you. Actually, I know he would love you.

Stay strong, love. I know I don’t have to say it to you because you are the strongest person I know, but it never hurts to hear it. I love you, I love you so much. One day, we’ll be together again. 

All my heart,

Poe

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks. Absentmindedly your fingers reached up to the chain around your neck and slid down to find the ring hanging off the end. It might be days before you heard any news on Poe and if he had survived the invasion. 

Finding some paper, you wrote back to him. Unlike Poe, you were able to let him know what was going on, that your unit was going to be deployed to France once the beaches of Normandy were secure. Of course, you understood that those words held a false sense of security. Enemy forces could still attack while your unit was treating wounded there. It was much more dangerous being on the frontlines than in a hospital, but for some men, medics and nurses on the frontlines were the best hope for survival.

It’s quiet here without you, my love. Please stay safe for me. I love you so, so, so much. You pressed your lips to the paper, leaving a perfect red impression of your lips there. Come back to me, Poe. 

Placing your letter in an envelope, you addressed it to him and put it down on your desk to mail in the morning.

Folding his letter up, you placed it in the jewelry box that you kept his photo in at night, along with some dried up flowers he had given you. Snapping the lid shut, you hugged the box to your chest. You had gone to church every Sunday with your parents as a child, but after everything you had seen you constantly questioned the existence of God. If he was there, if he was listening, then you prayed to him that he’d keep your pilot safe.

“Y/N?” Rey’s voice said on the other side of your door. “Are you in there?”

“Yes!” you called, putting the box down and wiping your tears.

“Can I come in?” “Yes, it’s unlocked.”

Rey stepped into your room. She gave you a sad look, like she knew you had been reading Poe’s letter and missing him. “I doubled checked all our supplies; we’re ready to leave when the Army gives us the okay.”

Slowly you nodded. “Listen, Rey,” you said, softly, unable to look her in the eyes. “I think you’re a wonderful nurse, but the Army is only sending my enlisted unit. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I just found out. Hux informed me. Only enlisted nurses are going to the front lines, not civilian ones.”

Her eyes flashed with anger. “But I want to help! I can’t go just because I’m not a member of the U.S Army?”

“It’s not like you won’t be needed here.”

“But I want to go with you and Jessika; I want to go with my friends.”

“Please, Rey, don’t make this harder...”

“I thought you trusted me?”

You sighed and closed your eyes. “I do Rey, but you’re a civilian nurse; you didn't sign up for the dangers of treating the wounded on the frontlines.”

Rey glared at you, furiously, before opening your door and slamming it shut in your face. You were left standing in your room, fists clenched, and hating yourself for how you had told her. You should have told her the moment you found out but you knew she’d be angry. She was passionate about helping, but because she was a civilian she wasn’t going to be allowed to go to the frontlines.

Part of you was happy about this. Rey was nineteen. She shouldn’t be going to the frontlines. There were already enough young men her age dying, you hated to think about the same happening to Rey.

That night you night you fell asleep, crying; crying over how far away Poe was, crying for Rey and crying because you knew the horrific future that was a head of you when you left for France.

----

“Dameron, wake up,” Snap said, shaking him.

“What’s going on?” Poe mumbled, opening his eyes. 

“Time to go.”

Poe quickly got out of bed. His crew had been preparing for this mission for the last three weeks. Looking at maps, training runs--but the day had finally arrived. June 5, 1944.  There mission was to fly paratroopers to a drop sight in Normandy over night, so the troops could be begin securing important locations prior to the invasion beginning in the morning. It had already been delayed a day, so Poe and the rest of his crew had been catching up on sleep in anticipation of flying overnight.

Slipping into his leather flight jacket, Poe followed Snap outside of the barracks towards the planes being fueled up for their trip. The captain of the paratrooper until that they were in charge of flying to Normandy stepped forward. “You the pilot?”

Nodding, Poe glanced at the boys loading his plane. Lord, some of them couldn’t be more than eighteen, nineteen years old. “I am. Captain Poe Dameron,” he said, introducing himself. “Welcome aboard my crew.”

“Captain Ben Solo,” the other man said, shaking his hand. “Get us to Normandy, Dameron, and you have a friend for life in us.”

“Gonna do my best,” Poe said, firmly. “I can’t promise a smooth ride; weather hasn’t been great over France the last few days--but I’ll get you there.”

Solo gave him a soft grin before boarding the plane himself. Snap glanced at Poe with a shake of his head. “And they say we’re the crazy ones for flying--what possess a man to strap a parachute on and willingly jump from a moving plane?”

Poe laughed and pat his friend on the back. He climbed into the cockpit of their C-47. His crew consisted of Snap, Iolo and a their radio operative, a young man from Oklahoma that Snap had affectionately nicknamed kid. “Ready?” he asked his crew.

Snap gave him a thumbs up. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Arana chimed in, “Let’s go leave the German’s a little surprise, shall we?”

His radio operative nodded and said he was just waiting to hear the word that they were given clearance to take-off.

Grinning, Poe started the plane up. He touched the photograph of you he had taped to his panels. He took a deep breath. This was his first mission since the crash and he felt butterflies in his stomach. If he crashed this time, there was so much more at stake--his crew, the paratroopers--you. He couldn’t fail. “Sweetheart,” he whispered to your photograph. “I love you. This is for you.”

“You alright, Dameron?” Snap asked, noticing his eyes on your photo.

“Yeah. Just hope I see her again,” Poe sighed.

“Hey, you will.”

“Wish I had your faith, Snap.”

“I have to tell myself that every time I get in the cockpit--that I will see Karé again. Otherwise, I’m scared shitless about what’s to come.” 

“Even if I think I’ll see her again, I’m still scared shitless, Snap. This invasion is going to make or break our chances for victory. And if we don’t win--I don’t want to think about what happens if we don’t win.”

Snap was silent. The truth was that he had the same fears as Poe. He gave the younger man a long, sad look before patting Poe confidently on the shoulder. 

Poe set his jaw. Yes, he was terrified, but he knew that they had a job to do. Glancing around at his crew, they were depending on him to get them back to the barracks safely. And the paratroopers, they were depending on this crew to pull through and get them to Normandy. 

The world was depending on them.

“Captain,” the radio operative said, “we’ve been given permission to take off.”

“Alright boys,” Poe said as he eased the plane onto the runway, “Let’s do this.”

[ahogehope]

BlazBlue Alternative Dark War Nightmare Fiction Event English Translation (Part 7: Approaching Darkness)

Crossposted from reddit just for a little more exposure.

This is part 7, or the eighth story quest in the event.

Previous parts can be found here: [Part 1-1, Part 1-2, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6]

Some notes:

- The default name of Rei is used for the player character and was selected as male at the beginning of the game.

- I’m still on the fence on if I should be using honorifics or not. Your opinion on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Click here to be taken to a pastebin with the translated dialogue or look under the read more to read it here.

Section 7 – “Approaching Darkness”

Fuzzy Good job! You guys got the light element with no problem at all.

Fuzzy Only one more element left to go. Where’s the next one? You guys wanna know, right? You do, right?

Fuzzy ...Oh? What’s up with the atmosphere around here? What is it?

Kazuma It’s certainly great that we got the element but... that’s beside the point right now.

Kazuma Hazama-san! Just what the hell are you trying to pull!?

Hazama ...I beg your pardon? That is... what is it that you’re asking me, exactly?

Kazuma Please stop with the games.

Kazuma Ever since we came here, again and again every single person we’ve encountered has wanted your head on a pike!

Kazuma Are you trying to get us caught up in your problems?

Kazuma You’ve known something this whole time and have just been keeping it a secret. ...Am I wrong?

Hazama You’ve got it all wrong, I’m not trying to get you guys wrapped up in anything. I’m not sure how I’d be able to accomplish that in the first place.

Hazama I want to get out of here just as much as you do.

Hazama And like I’ve told you before, I don’t know much about myself to begin with.

Hazama I haven’t known any of these people. Even if they’re going to blame me for something I don’t have any memory of... I still can’t give you any answers.

Raabe We heard you the first six times.

Raabe Still, there’s no mistaking the fact that everyone we’ve come across has known who you are.

Hazama I just want to get out of this situation.

Hazama ...You feel the same way, don’t you, Kazuma-san?

Kazuma I mean, that’s true, but...

Hazama Right? You want to get out as well.

Hazama I understand where you’re coming from.

Kazuma What...?

Hazama Right now you’re trapped within your current “self.” You’ve always wanted to escape from it, haven’t you?

Kazuma ...Are you referring to how I can’t remember anything? But then, if this is related...

Hazama There’s nothing, is there?

Hazama It’s a big deal, after all. I’d love to know your answer. Do you really want your memories back?

Kazuma What sort of memories are you talking about?

Hazama I suppose that would depend on what you would consider a memory.

Hazama Is it your parents’ names? Is it where you were born? Is it remembering days long past? Or maybe it’s just your own personal history?

Hazama Are those the things that you want?

Hazama What is it that you’re really looking for? What do you truly desire?

Kazuma W-What are you... saying...

Kazuma Th... That isn’t what we’re talking about right now.

Kazuma Every time I talk to you, I feel like I’m going crazy... My apologies, but please stop talking to me that way from now on.

[Kazuma flees]

Hazama Oh dear, he must really hate me.

Raabe ......

Hazama ...Is something wrong?

Raabe No, I think Kazuma’s already said it well enough.

Raabe It sounded like you were prioritizing your conversation with him over getting out of this place.

Hazama Oof, you got me there. I should’ve been more focused on our current predicament.

Hazama Whenever I look at him I just can’t seem to leave him alone. He looks as clueless as a newborn faun that hasn’t quite found its legs yet.

Raabe Clueless, huh... That’s rich, given that you don’t know anything about yourself either.

Hazama That certainly is a sore spot for you, isn’t it?

Hazama But sadly I can’t do anything more to change your mind right now. We should find that last element while we still can.

Hazama Fuzzy-san, could you take us to where the final element is located?

Fuzzy Hehehe, you got it. Up next is...

Hazama Goodness, something definitely happened here. Looks like whatever it was wasn’t pretty.

Ciel Biological reaction detected. Someone is approaching us at alarming speed.

Ciel But this reaction is...

[a slash is aimed at Hazama]

Hazama Uwaah!?

[enter Saya]

Saya Ah... a near miss. Just a little bit closer and he would have lost his head... how annoying.

Raabe Saya, huh? She must have the last element.

Raabe You heard her, Hazama. I’m assuming you don’t remember anything about her either?

Hazama Y-You’re kidding, right!?

Hazama Why would I do anything that would turn a terrifying sword-wielding woman against me!?

Hazama I think I’d remember if someone wanted to decapitate me!!

Saya You don’t remember? Allow me to refresh your memory.

Saya You’ve stolen what is most important to me. Surely you don’t believe I would be able to let that stand?

Saya You’re despicable. You took away Nii-sama... my brother. Even if I were to gouge out your heart, I would still never forgive you for what you’ve done.

Saya Nii-sama gave my life meaning. He was the only reason I was able to exist in this world.

Hazama Is that so? I can’t imagine making someone other than myself the sole reason for my existence.

Hazama Whether I did something or not, it’d be unfair to expect them to stick around forever, wouldn’t it?

Hazama And even though you say it’s my fault, I can’t really say I feel much resentment coming from you.

Kazuma A reason to exist... Why... do I...?

Saya You must be bold to utter such lunacy to my face.

Saya No more unnecessary questions. Regardless of the truth, the outcome will remain the same.

Saya I’ll devour you whole.

[a black mist covers the area]

Raabe That Drive... it’s Soul Eater! This isn’t good.

Raabe If it goes out of control, we’ll all be destroyed, not just Hazama.

Hazama From the looks of it she’s a dark type.

Hazama That would make her the same type as me. We’re not exactly a poor match-up but I’m not at an advantage either.

Hazama I’ll probably have to rely on Rei-san for this one, but let’s go get that last element!

>L-Let’s do our best then. Raabe We don’t have much of a choice. Right now we need to focus on getting Soul Eater under control.

>Do we really have to...? Raabe It is what it is. Let’s focus on subduing Saya first.

Hazama This is our last fight then. Let’s do this!

Saya Gah--!

Ciel The target’s battle level has dropped substantially. I don’t believe further combat to be necessary.

Saya Heh, haha... so that’s it...

Saya I finally understand the reason behind this inexplicable unease.

Saya Hazama... it’s that “thing” inside you that’s the true reason for my distress...

Hazama That “thing”? ....Oh, I see... I suppose that may be it, yes.

Raabe What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.

Hazama Ah, I guess I never mentioned it... I’ve felt it ever since I woke up in this world.

Hazama That there’s “something” inside me. Some sort of unsettling shadow that I can’t put my finger on.

Hazama Originally I had thought I was just imagining things. I assumed it had something to do with this strange city.

Saya Heh... you’re nothing but a “snake.” I hope that shadow of yours swallows you down until there’s nothing left. You’re a truly deplorable man.

Saya The rest of you should heed my advice. It’s not wise to leave your necks exposed around a “snake”...

[Saya vanishes into static and leaves behind a sphere containing the Dark symbol]

Kazuma ......

Fuzzy Congratulations! You got all the elements～!

Fuzzy This is certainly a relief for me, don’t you think?

Fuzzy This is what you’d call a load off my shoulders, isn’t it? I can finally retire from being your guide.

Fuzzy Haah～, now I can play around as much as I want.

Fuzzy Ah, I still have one last job to do though.

Ciel What’s left for you to do?

Fuzzy Now that you have all the keys, I still need to take you to the right place.

Fuzzy After that, my job here will be done.

Fuzzy Although it’s really up to you guys if you want to go or not, isn’t it? Even if you guys pussy out now, my job here is finished.

Fuzzy So what’ll it be? You wanna keep going? Or do you wanna stop here?

Fuzzy Choosing to stay put will leave you trapped here forever though. Ahahaha.

Raabe You’re talking about the “innermost part of this world,” correct?

Hazama I came this far with the intention of finding my way out of this world.

Hazama Of course I plan on heading to this “innermost part.” As for the rest of you... what shall you do?

>Let’s go. Raabe Fair enough. The only way to proceed is to go forward.

>Maybe it’s better if we stopped here... Raabe I understand how you feel, but I’m afraid we’re going to have to. Even if we’re walking into a trap, it’s our only way forward.

Raabe By going there we’re likely to find out more about the cauldron as well.

Hazama Ah, that’s a relief. Well, now that we’re all on the same page, we should...

Raabe Don’t get the wrong idea. Our goals just happened to align this time.

Raabe We’re not doing this to cooperate with you.

Hazama Still so cold... Words can hurt too, you know. Ouch.

Kazuma ......

Kazuma Something inside me...

Ciel Kazuma-san, we’re leaving. Is everything alright?

Kazuma Ah, no, I’m fine. Let’s go!

Kazuma Let’s hurry up and get back to where this all started... back to Ishana.

[aquitainequeen]

Was reading through my old fanfiction. Here are some of my favourite lines:

It takes a lot to kill a god, we're a tough breed. But it doesn't take a lot to make one, or to infect one. You humans, you're the god's disease. You get under our skin and into our veins, you push on organs and bones and retract fur and teeth, you make us into your image. You force us to change. Look at us: once an earth being and life and death personified, now the Lord of the Dead and his spring goddess wife. Swaying under the weight of our crowns and swamped in our new robes, crouched uncomfortably on our thrones as the first souls come pouring down in expectancy of something, as we wonder what the hell just happened.

***

He had not thought that anything could be as bright as the sun, or as hot as the piece he broke off it. It did not hurt him, but the heat stays in his fingers. Anyone who sees his face now will know what he has done; even a Titan cannot touch the sun and stay the same.

***

There’s also the fear of what Lecter could have done to her right then and there, the animal sense of the narrow reprieve she’s had from a predator. Fredricka is aware of it simmering beneath her outrage and apprehension; she is highly relieved that Dr Lecter did not touch her throughout the appointment that became an interrogation.

In some dark corner of the meat of her brain, there’s a panicked awareness of just how close she came to utter oblivion and dissolution. It’s so deep a throb that Freddie can't recognise what it truly is. She puts down her heart beating so hard (it feels as if it’s about to burst out of her back) to anger at what she’s lost, and the hold Dr Lecter might now have over her.

***

On the last day, when we had packed up whatever wares we had left and were departing, he came to the market place again and put a piece of folded paper into my hand, telling me to give it to Kala and that he was glad to have met me in the same breath. If he thought anything else about me or the one he had written to, he said nothing of it. It was a disappointment compared to the storyteller of Kala’s tales, but perhaps that was simply Amdir’s life by then; stagnation and disappointment in a home that was enchanting but no longer his.

***

She leans against a work surface and stares at Krendler in his bloody funeral suit and the cross bow bolt still showing under his chin, his head slumped slightly with the now ill-fitting top covering his brains. Or what’s left of his brains, not that he had much of those even to begin with, she finds she can casually think and smile as she thinks it. She’s mildly curious if Krendler sustained a death erection, as men who die violently often do, as Pazzi did, though there’s no chance to find out now and she wouldn’t want to check even if there were.

She wonders idly what Krendler would think – back when what little brains he had were all in working order and he was capable of what passed, in him, for ‘thinking’ – if he knew that the only time she’d be curious about his prick was after he was dead. Well, Paul, of all the people I could have cut my teeth on, I’m oh so glad it was you.

***

Because Erik trusts her, and if she let slip to Charles even a hint of what she was keeping packed behind this mental wall she'd built he would never trust her again. He doesn't love her – or no, okay, that's completely unfair. She'll concede that he loves her, but he is not in love with her; Erik is a man who falls in love (willing or no) with very few people, and she is not one of those people yet.

But that is fine, because he trusts her instead, and she would rather have trust than love. She would, she really would.

***

Would Frankenstein have run away from him quite so readily, if there had at least been a blood soaked daemon bawling and thrashing about beside him in that terrible birthing bed?

***

She was going to step out of her own grave. Sometimes in the high heat, when she found shelter in the cool of the wrecks, she went a little strange and thought of her clothes as funerary wrappings put on corpses before they were left out for the little siblings of the sands. She and every single other person on Jakku is a corpse too, fighting their way to get out of the grave-pit and scramble back up into the world of the living.

***

If certain religions are right, he’ll be seeing her soon. If other religions are right he definitely won’t be, considering the trade he’s been involved with. If that old legend of the Force is true he won’t be seeing her but he’ll be one with her, his energy and life returning to where it came from, merging with the billions who came before and will come after him.

He likes the idea of that. He arranges himself around this idea, around his acceptance and readiness as the wind tears and the walls creak and the water comes in. I am not afraid. There’s a million things I haven’t done that I wanted to do, but I’m ready.

***

“He’s told me about the balls that he held. How everything was beautiful, and utterly shallow. This time he wants to invite everyone. He said he’ll never turn someone away again.” Belle shifts under his new weight, readjusting. “Was he really that bad?”

It’s the way that she says it. Wondering, which is not the same as disbelieving. She already knows the man she loves was arrogant, thoughtless and cruel. But how much, is what she does and really doesn’t want to know.

***

“I want to go home,” she says to her knees and the stinging water. Then she howls it to the room. She is sick and naked and cold and all she ever wanted was for someone to come back for her, and she wants to go home to Jakku.

A voice chimes from the ceiling, “Wash yourself or I’ll come in there and do it for you.”

Between breath and breath Rey wants to find whoever that voice belongs to and kill them.

***

You with your pale skin like that spoiled princess you compare Hux to, face and rich hair as soft as a painted Queen of Naboo, you who can drag people away from their lives and hopes, what do you know? What do you know about bitterness? About thousands of scratches on the wall, watching yourself grow unrecognisable whenever you manage to find a reflection? Cutting yourself open time after time and squeezing out hatred, before it poisons your blood and gets to your brain?

Bitterness is not something to salvage and store. It’s something that needs to be oiled and soothed and scraped away, or it’ll rust and eat your heart out.

“I prefer sweet to bitterness,” she says. Which is pretty weak compared to his big speech, but it still makes him inhale sharply and drop to one knee, hard.

[mosswillow]

The People You Love Chapter 13

A/N: Hey, look at me not being lazy and adding the chapter to Tumblr too.

Warnings and Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, Protective Ben Solo, Alpha Ben Solo, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Mating, Cycles/In Heat, Mating Bond, Knotting, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, unconscious medical procedure (chapter 6), Emotional Hurt, Suicidal thoughts (very mild no actual planning) ch 8, Did I already mention emotional hurt?, Emotional hurt (once more for good measure.) Slow Burn, Implied/referenced attempted suicide (not described in detail) (not Rey) (ch 15), some violence, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted assault (ch 14)

AO3 link

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The seconds tick closer to midnight and Rey gets to work digging through her room. She finds a bag and fills it with some papers from her file, clothes, the money card Leia gave her, and toiletries. Minutes before it’s time to run the room becomes clear, like she put on a pair of glasses. It’s sharp and bright, every detail jumping out at her. The specs of dust in the air float around her and she stares at the room taking in every detail. Her head starts feeling light and she realizes she’s stopped breathing. There’s hesitation. Anxiety. Maybe it’s fear or maybe guilt, she doesn’t know. Her mind turns to what will happen to the Solo’s. She knows, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, that running away from them will fuck their lives up. The moment she leaves her room she’ll be doing something she can’t take back.

It takes several deep breaths and hyping herself up to cut the bracelet and climb out of the window. The climb down is easier this time. She hits the ground after a few short minutes and starts running, making it down the street before she has to stop to catch her breath. She feels elated, free and happy, the world is open to her.

Then the initial adrenaline rush dissipates and her heartrate settles. She’s left alone in a dark alleyway. It’s a sliver of freedom and she wonders if it will be worth it. She hopes so.

She makes her way to the closest bus stop and reads the map, running her hand over the spot where Finn and Poe’s house is. She knows it’s where she needs to go. It’s the only way she can think to get home.

“Where to honey?” A tired looking woman says.

Rey almost turns around and goes back. What if the letter says something she doesn’t want to hear? What if something terrible happens? She takes a deep breath and hands over her money card before climbing in a large bus to start her journey. The island was an illusion, it held a life that did not exist. The illusion is broken now and all that’s left is the reality that the facade was built around. Rey is tired of everyone knowing more about her than herself. Even if something horrible happens or if what she finds out breaks her heart she has to go. She can’t live her life knowing that there’s truth out there and she didn’t go find it when she got the chance.

-o-

It takes over twenty four hours to finally reach the charming little house she once knew. Rey was so focused on getting away that she hadn’t considered how it would feel to be back. As she stands outside hyping herself up she goes through a range of different emotions. Anger at first that they gave her away without even talking to her first. Then she feels a sense of loss thinking about how much she cared for them, how she felt loved and safe and like she was part of a family. She misses that feeling and it hits her that she may never feel that way again.

She waits until she’s sure they’re fast asleep before walking to the back door and trying the handle. It turns easily; they never did lock the doors. She tiptoes through the house and stops at a picture frame. It’s her, she doesn’t even know when it was taken. She picks it up and looks at it, almost feeling guilty about what she has to do.

“Your mate called, told us when you would be here. He wants you to call him.”

Rey jumps and looks over to see Finn and Poe standing across the room. She puts the photo down and makes eye contact.

“Are you going to call him now?”

“Do you want us to?”

“Does it matter?”

Finn slowly walks towards Rey and she backs up in response looking at Finn with distrust and heartbreak. He stops and slackens his shoulders.

“We should have told you before he showed up here, we were afraid you would run off.”

Rey crosses her arms and takes another step back.

“Why are you here Rey, are you ok?” Finn asks.

Rey looks back and forth between Finn and Poe before dropping her arms and giving up.

“My grandfather left me something on the island.”

There’s a pause and then Rey watches their eyebrows raise in unison as they understand.

“You need our boat.”

Rey nods.

“So you were just going to steal it?”

She nods again.

“I was going to bring it back after.”

“We could get in a lot of trouble for helping you, you know that right?” Poe says.

Rey walks over to the couch and plops down putting her face in her lap. Finn comes next to her and rubs small circles on her back.

“We’ll take you there,” He says quietly.

Rey pauses for a moment as his words wash through her. She feels a mix of relief and resignation. Even in the time she was on her own she still had to rely on others. She puts her arm around Finn and leans against him. Maybe relying on others isn’t a bad thing and fighting the instinct to form attachments only ends up leaving her hurt. She doesn’t trust Finn and Poe, at least not the way she did before but she also isn’t angry.

“Thank you.” She whispers

They don’t waste much time. Poe makes a sandwich for Rey and they hitch up the boat. It’s a long and cold ride to the island. Seeing land is a relief and yet Rey finds herself unable to move as they dock. The night she left was one the most difficult of her life. Flashbacks play in her head and she half expects a group of men to come running at her from the house.

“Do you want us to come with you?” Poe asks

“No,” She breathes before steadying herself and starting the walk to the house.

The island looks exactly the same and somehow wildly different than what she remembers. As she looks around at all the familiar rocks and trees she begins to understand that the island isn’t what’s different, She is. Her eyes have changed, giving her the ability to see the headache inducing complexity of shapes and colors that were blended and muddied before. Beautiful memories of her childhood sit beside the knowledge of lies and control. She can see it all and it overwhelms her.

It doesn’t take her long to find where the letter is hidden. She opens it with shaky hands and reads the last words her grandfather wrote to her.

-o-

Rey,

You probably have so many questions and I’ll do my best to answer them before I have to do what I have to do. I’m going to die now, I’ll make sure they kill me or I’ll shoot myself. I can’t be brought in and questioned. If they find you they’ll use you against me until I crack. There are people who count on me, what I know could bring down an entire organization.

You’re what’s called an Omega. The medication I give you suppresses it, but even with the medication it’s who you are. Omegas are kind and caring, meant to serve others. They’re also strong and resilient, I know you’ll escape this island. I’ve included directions to a safe house that I had set up just in case. Rey, I only have one month of medication for you. When it runs out you’ll go into what is called a heat. It will be painful but you’ll be ok. Do not leave the safehouse after you run out of suppressants. People will be able to tell you’re an Omega and you will be in danger. I have it arranged for someone to bring food and supplies to you for as long as you need it. You won’t have to worry about anything and can spend as much time as you need living there, even your whole life if you want.

There’s a family, the Solo’s. A man, Ben Solo, was assigned to be your mate when you were just a little girl. They’re a good family and one day when you're ready they’ll protect you and love you. There's a file about them at the safehouse. They’re the ones who are here now but their issue isn’t with you, it’s with me. They think that I’ve been hurting you for the past several years.

You’re probably wondering why, why didn’t I tell you about any of this.

Twenty years ago I made a decision that ended up haunting me forever. I gave the go ahead to kidnap the child of a politician, one who was my friend. My men tortured this child and sent him back to his parents broken. We needed to get a law passed that now feels so trivial. I lost my soul that day and five years later, in direct consequence to that choice I lost my son and his wife, your parents. They tried to take you too that night to return the favor, thankfully they didn’t succeed. That boy is now a man and what I didn’t consider 20 years ago is that I may have been creating a monster, and by monster I mean someone exactly like me. Be careful Rey, there are people in this world who want to hurt you. It’s not fair but life never is.

I brought you here after your parents died vowing to keep you safe, to raise you right and give you a childhood away from pain, one I hadn’t given your father. I was supposed to hand you off to the Solo’s when you turned eighteen but the day you presented as an Omega and I saw your pain I did something rash, I gave you my suppressants. I just wanted a little more time with you but as soon as my medication wore off all those feelings of inadequacy and failure to protect your father came crashing back. I let myself spiral into my Alpha biology. Even as I write this I feel a sense of intense need to protect you. I failed to protect my Omega and failed my child. I can’t fail you Rey. I kept telling myself that one day I would have to let you go but every time I thought about it I just couldn’t. It may be selfish but I couldn’t let go of you. It turns out that life isn’t worth much without the people you love, and I love you Rey.

I hope I did the right thing. I hope that when you come out of your hiding place and find this letter you’ll understand why I did everything I did.

I love you Rey

-Grandfather.

Rey lets the letter fall to the ground. She starts taking steps back until she hits the wall. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, for there to be some explanation that would make everything ok, that would refute everything she’s been told about him. It doesn’t.

What hurts her now is that she doesn’t feel anger. He was her captor, lied to her just as much as everyone else in her life. If he was standing in front of her now she would scream at him and lock herself away. She would run from the island and not look back. He’s not in front of her though, he’s dead, and she loved him. She feels deep and true love for someone who murdered, tortured, lied, a criminal. How can she love someone like that? Her chest tightens and she starts feeling lightheaded.

What if she had stayed hidden like she was supposed to that evening? What if she came out and found the letter, had time to process everything and decide when and if she wanted to call the Solo’s.

She feels tired and trapped. It doesn’t feel good to be back on the island, it feels just as much a prison as the Solo’s house and she wants to leave. She gathers the letter and directions to the safe house.

She has one more thing she has to see, hopefully she’s able to. Hopefully the cleverly hidden security system wasn't found during the ransacking of her home. She walks to the hidden cabinet and uses her thumb print hoping that it will let her in.

And it does.

-o-

“Where is she?” Ben asks.

“Don’t worry Solo, we’ll find your little Omega after we deal with him.”

Knight. She didn’t know he was there. She didn’t notice any of them that night, only Ben, only her Alpha.

“You can come nicely.” Knight gives a sly smile as he pulls out a gun

“Or not.”

Sheev pulls out a pistol in turn and Ben looks back and forth between the men.

“You have three seconds to leave before I start shooting… Three,” Sheev starts.

Knight smiles and Ben's eyes widen.

“Two,” He continues.

“Don’t,” Ben cries but it’s too late. The shot is firing off and Ben is standing there shocked, looking at the blood pouring out of sheev.

“One,” Knight finishes.

“You weren’t supposed to kill him.” Ben says.

“He was torturing your girl wasn’t he?”

“I wanted but… This is not… You aimed for his head… You murdered him.” Ben says. He looks away from the scene and his eyes land on something.

“Rey.” He breathes “Don’t you fucking go near her Knight.” He yells before running out of frame.

-o-

Rey doesn't even react, her mind won’t let her. She slowly turns off the monitor and walks to her old bedroom, looking around at the mess all over the floor. She finds her little stuffed stingray and stands there with it for a few minutes before walking all the way to the ocean.

She wades in, holds the stuffed animal to her chest, and lets herself feel. She feels everything all at once, from her parents death to the moment she stepped out of that window, the good and bad. There's use in objects that comfort, that remind someone of their past and where they came from. There’s also use in letting go. In realizing that there’s no going back and the only way forward is to say goodbye. In taking a quiet moment to thank an object before letting it go. It’s symbolic but sometimes symbolism can be so strong that it becomes reality.

“I love you,” She whispers.

Rey lets the little stingray fall into the ocean and be carried away and with it goes a weight she’s held in her for as long as she can remember.

She makes her way back to the boat, stopping when she sees a little flower. She leans over and picks it wavering with it for several moments before putting it in her bag.

“Did it go well?”

Rey settles in the boat and gives a small smile.

“Yes, I think so at least.”

-o-

Rey is exhausted by the time they arrive back. She doesn’t feel safe there though. The safe house isn’t far, a few hours to walk. She can make it, she knows she can. She may fall over from exhaustion by the time she arrives but she has to go.

“we can give you a ride wherever you need.”

“It’s better you don’t know where I’m going, safer that way for all of us.”

Poe disappears inside of the hose and Finn pulls Rey into a hug. Poe comes back and stuffs some food in her bag before joining them in the hug. He looks at her awkwardly.

“He wasn’t coming after you. He knew where you were. You used a money card Rey, they can be tracked.”

Rey bites her lip and looks down feeling dumb for not knowing that.

“I think he genuinely just wanted to know you’re safe. There was something he wasn’t saying, I don’t know.”

“Thank you.” Rey says as she pulls away.

It’s bittersweet, seeing them and now leaving. Rey takes a step back and then turns away.

“Stay safe Rey,” Finn calls out as she walks slowly down the driveway.

She turns back and gives one last smile and wave before turning on the road.

[lightaroundthecorner]

TROS - What did I even watch? Or how I lived to see the day Disney murdered a prince, left Cinderella alone in the desert, and hoped for the world to rejoice because it was “fun”?

Dear friends, I’ve been here for the spoilers and I’ve even talked with some of you. I went to watch the movie today, with 0 hope of anything except of seeing my baby Ben Solo and Adam’s fenomenal acting (and listening to some good John Williams). 

I knew it would be horrible, but as @nevernerdenoughblog said seeing it makes it even more. Like @clairen45 it felt so wrong. Should I rejoice with a Reylo kiss that Rey gave but seconds later didn’t even cry over Ben’s dead body? I refuse to acknowledge this characterization of Rey. She was the only one that ever believed in Ben Solo, she shipped herself to make him know he was loved and wanted and to help him. Where was this Rey in this movie?

I am sorry guys (especially for the tagging) but I need to write this out or it will eat me and you guys are the few ones that relate to my pain. You know what really hurt me the most in all this? Toxic masculinity disguised as feminism.

1) FAREWELL HEROINE’S JOURNEY

They trashed the Heroine’s Journey. They murdered it and spit in its face. JJ Abrams simply decided that the Heroine’s Journey (done in act 1/ep. VII and act 2/ep. VIII) was not cutting anymore and decided to send Rey on a Hero’s Journey (ep. IX only, new 1st, 2nd and 3rd act altogether), where she has become this almost toxic masculine fighter under Leia’s training  — Badass girl? Yes. Full of anger? Yes. Logical? Yes. Connected to anything? No, not even herself, she kept on the run, afraid. In search of the Jedi detachment? Yes. —, only to send her happilly off to a desert planet in the end of her journey and finishing with her alone talking with an old lady.

Which remind us of the start of TFA, meaning she has comeback to what? Luke didn’t even comeback to that “home” in Tatooine the end of his Hero’s Journey? So she went to a place of death to what? This is a slap on the face of the Heroine’s Journey. This is how toxic masculinity corrupts and interrupts the most uncomfortable (to psychologically unhealthy bystanders) and fundamental (to the woman herself) phase of Heroine’s Journey: You want love, family, a partnership, connection, nurturing or progeny? That is weak, it is foolish. You need to fight, to conquer, to take, take and take. Otherwise you won’t be strong or independent.

REALLY???????????

I AM CRYING! WHY? WHY? WHY? Daisy, are you really seriously satisfied with this ending? Because REY DESERVED BETTER. 

BTW, BEN SOLO DESERVED BETTER! The true feminist of this story DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER! ADAM DRIVER DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER! He always respect the director’s view, does his best to accomplish it and brings his best acting to the table. The only saving grace in the whole movie to me was Ben’s arc because 1) Adam was doing it and 2) He honored his character. Man he deserved so much better!!!!!

I’m not even going to repeat what everyone already said about where is George Lucas’ Fairytale Story, because you guys said it all. But I have a beef with Disney executive decisions:

2) WALT DISNEY - HOW I WISH WALT WAS ALIVE

Walt Disney. Much have been criticized concerning his choices to make HEA in fairytales. But what now? We find balance by wanting our children to grow up to be cynic and seeing the feminine as weak? Unhelpful? Bad? 

“Yo independent women! You need no prince even if you have one. He can compassionately and selfelessly die to save you because he loves you and you can go off, happily, to celebrate with your friends! You don’t mourn his body, oh no. You don’t tell him you love him. You forget him. You go be that cool lonely warrior.”

Excuse me but I can kick ass and have the romantic love life and children I want! I can have both! Because I am a human being and I deserve it. This is not a matter of being a men or women. This is a matter of balancing the feminine and masculine within.

But that is not just it. BEN SOLO DESERVED BETTER! WALT WOULD NEVER, EVER LET A CHARACTER THAT WENT THROUGH ABUSE AND SO MUCH PAIN DIE THE WAY BEN SOLO DID! Is that a Disney movie??????? I mean, what did I just watch????

Walt Disney, the man who promised P.L. Travers, upon knowing who Mr. Banks was to her (her deceased alcoholic father) and what Mary Poppins, her work, meant to her, said:

“George Banks and all he stands for will be saved. Maybe not in life, but in imagination. Because that is what we storytellers do. We restore order with imagination. We instill hope again and again and again.”

THAT IS WHAT STORYTELLERS DO! Like so many fanfic writers in this fandom @nite0wl29, @stargazer1116, @intp-slytherin97, @eleanor-writes-stuff, @postedbygaslight, @raven-maiden, and so many others!! Btw, thank you all!! My vacation starts tomorrow and I’m going to read again all your amazing fics to regain exactly that: HOPE!

What was TROS? Leia and Luke believing in the good in Rey? The whole Jedi Order believing in her? I have nothing against that but why didn’t they believe or help Ben too? Ben didn’t receive any of that love, WHY? What was wrong with him? What did he do?! He was the most selfless of souls, just like his Father and Grandmother. Is this vicntim blaming??? WHY DISNEY, LUCAS FILM and JJ ABRAMS, WHY?!

I used to think people were wrong when they said Disney was only doing SW for money. Because Walt Disney also said and lived by this rule:

“The important thing is the family. If you can keep the family together — and that’s the backbone of our whole business, catering to families — that is what we hope to do.”

SW is about family and I refuse to accept ep. IX as SW. It has all the make up of SW, but it lacks the heart and very essence of it.

As dear @eleanor-writes-stuff said, so much for criticizing Rian Johnson, only to consagrate his work. That man honored the storytelling art and I’ll be forever grateful to him for his touch in SW and for how his writing touched and changed my life. And I know Waltz would have approved too because he also said:

“I prefer to entertain people in the hope that they learn, rather than teach people in the hope they are entertained.”

3) PLOT? WHAT PLOT?

Leia’s feelings for Ben have remained ambiguous, you can both read her as someone who wants her baby boy dead (because her death allows Rey to stab Ben to death if she wants to, when Ben was never going to harm Rey) or not. Actions speak louder than words, and this was the movie when Leia would have the chance to assume the responsability for her mistakes and take action, instead of only claiming she believed her son was alive.

If she clearly wanted to reach Ben, was Maz’s words needed? No, they weren’t. It was exactly because Maz needed to voice it that proved Leia’s actions could be read as ambiguous. Again, actions speak louder than words. Her body only disappeared after Ben’s did too because what? She was expecting him to die so she could collect his soul?

I dearly love Leia’s character but LEIA DESERVED BETTER! CARRIE DESERVED BETTER! In the end I’m not sure what to make of the ST Leia. She could have helped Ben but clearly sent him away to Luke because? What?

Ben Solo get his redemption from his own 2 hands + his father’s memory (not force ghost) + Rey’s confession. In the end he becomes the bride of the monster, only to die right after, in a what? Plot twist?

Finn, who? That was so messed up! Rose? Poor Rose!!! Hux? Oh Hux deserved better too. I was glad to see that Poe matured though and grew in his arc.

I’m also mad and confused about other plot points:

Ben throws his bleeded kyber krystal away because of his father. Okay. Why did no one help him when he cried on the Force to crack his kyber and soul, but Luke Force Ghost appears to catch Rey throwing a lightsaber in an on fire tie fighter?

Rey would turn to the Dark side if she killed Palpatine, right? 5 minutes later she won’t turn to the Dark Side anymore even if she still kills him in anger? Just because the self righteous jedi chose to let Ben get thrown down the abysm by himself but Rey was the Chosen One?

Still on this topic, so she choses to give up her soul so Palpatine uses her body as the vessel of his soul and the legion of siths, in order to save her friends, but she won’t take Ben Solo’s hand, even if she claims she wants to + retaining her body, to do the same?

I think force bonds don’t make much of a difference anymore when one of the parts dies. Ben can die and Rey seems pretty okay?

INTERESTING FACT: Beside me there was a father with his 6 or 7 year old son. The child kept asking what was going on everytime the movie introduced any plot twists or too much information too quickly. When the Reylo kiss came on screen, you know what the kid said? “I told ya!” I wanted to cry when seconds later the boy was claiming now was Rey’s turn to bring Ben back. Children understand the Heroine’s Journey and it doesn’t scare them. It is beautiful like that. The father then had to try and explain to the boy that other things were going on and that no, “that guy was gone”. What have you done people?

4) EPISODE X

I must have a clown face. They lied to us about this movie being “The Rise of Skywalker”. Maybe they lied to us about this being the end of the saga? Considering JJ claims this is fun, happy and hopeful, yeah, I doubt they are making an episode X or ressurecting Ben Solo after throwing in the garbage the Heroine’s Journey. I vaguely remember Adam also said he wasn’t going to appear in another SW.

IF they do announce an ep. X, I’m not watching it unless Ryan or someone like him directs the movie.

I loved to see Han Solo’s memory helping his son. That man trully loved him and it is tragic that he screwed up as a father only because he thought he wasn’t enough to be a good one and that Leia and Luke would know better.

I also loved to see Ben Solo as his father son and grandchild to his grandmother and great grandmother. He was beautiful and I love him and he’ll be forever with me.

I liked the Reylo kiss... but Rey’s actions in this movie have affected me so that it doesn’t feel like they scrapped the surface of making justice to this that could have been the happiest and most balanced of all SW couples.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN EPIC. IT COULD HAVE BEEN GRAND. But it wasn’t.

I’ll forget TROS. YBTOTT is now canon to me, because it is a perfect 3rd act in this trilogy, and @postedbygaslight honors the Heroine’s Journey like few writers have the gut and courage to do. Thank you so much Wayne!

And if anyone had the patience to read this to the end, thank you. I feel it too guys, this was awful and horrible.

[theoriginalsuki]

Because if you like what I write, we probably have the same taste!

There’s a glut of well-written, well-crafted post-TROS Star Wars fanfiction out there, from fix-it to AU’s – not that I’m complaining! – but I’m-a just throw out some of the ones that have hit my sweet spot.  Please reblog!  It keeps the fic life cycle going.

Complete

The Ocean: A TFA Divergence by Journeying_Jane

I’m a die-hard TFA Kylo Ren fangirl (it’s my favourite of the trilogy, I know), and this divergence tugs the threads unravelled in the interrogation scene to a very satisfying conclusion, re: Rey and Kylo see their shared future a lot sooner, before the elevator scene in TLJ, and start to understand what they mean to one another.  Soooooo good.  (Rated G)

Air and Water by Flaignhan

The tender and thorough examination of Ben and Rey’s relationship, what it is, how it completes her, and their wholesome being-together that we ache for across three films.  Better than cozying up with a hot cup of cocoa on a rainy day.  (Rated G)

What She’s Worth by g_girl143

If Rey had been taken in by the Jedi Academy as a child and basically raised by Ben Solo.  Hear me out.  This love story is innocent and organic and is so well navigated that by the end you’re just like, yeah, of course, there was no other way that could have happened.  The *potential* is what it gives us.  I need to read it again, slowly and to savour, and happily await the sequel!  (Rated T)

Dead Space by Solia

Kylo Ren sacrifices himself to save Rey when they are stranded in a malfunctioning ship.  If you’re like me, and you like angsty grand gestures of love more than sexy times, this one is gourmet Reylo.  I’m so into the not-looking-directly at their feelings and extending that sweet pain for as looooong as possible.  Because, one brain cell!  (Rated G)

Paradise by englishable

Post-TROS, the only epilogue I will accept (except for Cleave, also by englishable).  Ben is brought to trial; Rey stands by him throughout; they figure out how to go on together.  It’s so wholesome and satisfying.  Let the healing begin!  (Rated M)

Near Kinsman by englishable

In post-Civil War America, Rey answers a bachelor ad and the most classically romantic love story since the Brownings unfolds.  (Rated T)

Delicious Ambiguity by Juulna

Some people like smut.  I like dangerous male-types harnessing their aggression toward protecting women and their unborn children.  That’s hot.  Some good TFA Kylo Ren being inexplicably soft with Rey and her Force-conceived twins.  Both of them have issues.  Both of them really, really love those babies.  It earns the happily ever after, which you know I appreciate so much in a fic.  (Rated M)

until you return to me by lovefrompluto

Rey accesses the WBW and looks in on every incarnation of Ben, all the lives they live together.  Such a cool meta on fanfics with a satisfying ending, giving Rey the agency she was denied in TROS.  (Rated M)

Killing Me Softly by AlbaStarGazer

I’m not a big AU person but the premise of this is so good and works really well with the characters as we know them in canon.  I also really appreciate a fic that isn’t afraid to look at the work of love.  

Ben and Rey, childhood sweethearts, married, are put to the test for three years after Ben gets in a terrible accident and forgets Rey.  She’s won’t give up on him, but she’s too hung up on the past.  He’s in love with her but afraid that all she sees is a memory, and not the person he is now.  Some really good character study and hurt/comfort with a happy ending.

WIP’s

The Argent Coda by BetweenTownleys

A deeply involved and well thought-out fix-it that makes me soft.  It’s not happily ever after (yet) and I am 100 percent okay with that.  The Force bond intimacy between Ben and Rey hurts soooooo good!  (Not Rated)

Conversations by acowlorsomething (suchlostcreatures)

Takes place after TLJ and moves effortlessly into the kind of interaction we want to see between Maybe-Ben and Rey.  Okay, what *I* want.  Nothing too easy, nothing too sexy, more of the same of the tender conflict we got from The Last Jedi, playing out in a believable way.  (Not Rated)

Bride of Fortune by SharKohen

Cute arranged marriage AU.  Rey is supposed to be a lucky bride.  So Leia Organa-Solo brings her into the household as her son’s wife.  They’re only young, so will they have time to chose one another before the age of consummation?  (Rated T)

Chains by Veggieheist

Rey is a slave on Jakku.  Kylo Ren picks up on her Force sensitivity and “buys” her.  Cue side comments from everyone that he just wants to sleep with her,  to which he is bewildered and frustrated.  Kylo doesn’t understand why someone so powerful would act so lowly, but when he pushes Rey hard, he finds out there’s more to her than he bargained for.  Or did he see it all along?  (Rated M)

hear my plea (and come save my life) by nouveaulove

Rey finds Ben alive but with amnesia.  I’m so soft for pining and protective Rey having to woo back Ben.  (Rated M)

Halfway, Between The Black and Grey. by PunkForTheMoment

Anakin helps Rey go back in time to the interrogation scene in TFA and she is anything but smooth.  Inspired by that meme.  Very promising!

My Fic

Epilogues by TheOriginalSuki

My initial self-help fic in the wake of The Rise of Skywalker.  Kinda dream-like with a hazy plot that is basically me just making myself feel better.  Maybe you too?  Some mature content, I don’t think it’s smutty, though.  (Rated M)

Rey goes into self-imposed exile on Tatooine.  After refusing to let Ben go, they break the laws of physics to be the family to one another they never had.  Healing can at last begin.

Battlefield by TheOriginalSuki

After The Rise of Sywalker I could see things getting worse before they got better.  If Kylo Ren had buckled down on the darkness after soul-crushing rejection from Rey and the trauma of seeing Luke again, how in the world would he walk back from that?  I’ve got it tagged “dominant Kylo Ren” but I’m not into abusive stuff, so don’t expect that!  I do however love the angst.  (Rated T)

Kylo Ren took the galaxy, and Kylo Ren takes Rey.  There’s nothing left for him to accomplish, Vader’s vision is complete – only he’s still in pain.  And no matter how he manoeuvres around the scavenger girl, it’s not easing up.

what stars are made of by TheOriginalSuki

Me trying to make a place to dump one-shots and dead-end ideas and probably failing.  Every time I pull a thread of “how things could have gone” in this universe, a whole world unravels!  Oops!  The tone of this one is completely different, inspired by the adorkable Ben Solo we got a glimpse of in TROS, and how he and Rey’s relationship plays out afterward.  (Not Rated)

Rey has a minor objection to being abducted.  Good thing Ben didn’t ask her, then!

The Stray by TheOriginalSuki for itsinthestars

Written for the RFFA fic exchange.  A modern AU!  (Rated T)

Rey moves in across the hall from Ben; a former foster kid alone in the city, aspiring to be an actress. Ben is a ladder-climbing white collar businessman with a horrible boss and zero social life. Which is just the way he likes it. So why in the world has this insufferable creature made it her life’s work to adopt him? From sharing her dinner to doing his laundry, she seems determined to make a connection. In the end, it’s easier for Ben to just let her. But opening up means letting your heart be vulnerable.

Hiraeth by TheOriginalSuki

A passion project.  I even have a plan!  Bonus – there’s Tai!  (Rated M)

Rey crosses over the World Between Worlds and finds herself in a time before Kylo Ren.  it’s been twelve years since her Ben dies, and she’s achingly in love.  But he has no idea who she is.

Beatrice by TheOriginalSuki for englishable

Illustrates the principle that good art generates good art.  Rinse.  Repeat.  (Raged G)

A brief character study from Ben Solo’s point of view, encompassing the three films and then a positive resolution.