#rehearsal was so shit today
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halfdeadwallfly · 2 months ago
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monimolimnion · 1 month ago
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god i miss being an overachiever
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dismalzelenka · 1 year ago
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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
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wizard-mp4 · 5 months ago
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Scientists and doctors are the most unaware people on the face of the earth. Its honestly shocking how dense they all are.
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rosicheeks · 8 months ago
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Sending strength and love and good vibes your way honey. You can do this!
I really really hope you’re right 🤞
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curiosity-killed · 2 years ago
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//
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prestonmonterey · 9 months ago
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you can try to get noticed but nobody cares
they expect you to fail and move on
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why is my response to being stressed about doing something so backwards 😭
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brynnmclean · 2 years ago
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the end of this production honestly cannot come fast enough
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wabblebees · 2 years ago
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cast list is out!!! i got officer lockstock!!! the big narrator role!!! hoooooly fucking SHIT im so goddamn excited!!! aaaaa!!!!!!!!!
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prettyboysmlm · 1 year ago
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don’t you just love it when your musical elective of choice makes you want to kys :)))))))))))))
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wickedhawtwexler · 1 year ago
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me after taking my adhd meds for the first time in like 5 days
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blurrycow · 2 years ago
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what the FUCK do you do when your best isn’t good enough
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blurglesmurfklaine · 2 years ago
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(*.*)
#not that anyone is actively incredibly invested#but this blog is my diary so I’ll post what I want#but also I didn’t wanna make like an actual post post so I’m ranting in the tags#so no Stick Season update today bc I don’t have it in me!! and I’m opting to force myself to relax!!!#bc it has been A Day#and for no reason really????? like I was having a great day!!!#and then fifth period started#WHICH IS TRUTHFULLY MY BEST CLASS#like oh my god SUCH good fuckin kids in that class#and yeah my altos are incidentally the weaker section this year#but today it felt like they were doing it so APATHETICALLY and PURPOSEFULLY that I stopped rehearsal#and I was like ‘hey. sopranos are giving 100% and altos I think like maybe half of you are giving 50.’#and I was like if you don’t want to go to UIL let me know AND SOME LITTLE SHIT RAISED HER HAND but I stayed calm!!#and she’s getting an alternate assignment!! bc I understand Choir isn’t for everyone but also LIKE WHAT ARE U DOIN IN THIS CLASS THEN#but then some other altos were like ‘no we wanna go’#and I said something along the lines of ‘great but it’s gonna require more effort than what I’m getting right now’#‘and that sucks because you guys could be REALLY good if you wanted to’#AND THEN I JUST STARTED FUCKING CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH#like not ugly crying I held it together long enough to tell them to pack up their stuff lmao#But then they lined up and one girl came back to hug me and ask if I was okay and THEN I lost it#like I’m actually laughing now bc ITS SO RIDICULOUS SNDBAJDNSJ LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????#and then three more girls came back when the bell rang and they were all telling me how much they love my class#and I started crying harder#and I had my tenor bass class next (boys. rowdy AS FUCK) and from outside my portable I hear the girls say:#‘BE GOOD TODAY AND DONT TO ANYTHING TO MAKE HER UPSET!’#and I’m very emo about it#and two altos came to apologize me and asked to ‘please not go all emo on us again we’ll try harder’#and honestly I’m laughing my ass off I’m such a weak educator but I love my kids jajshsjsj#ANYWAY so I need some fluff and laughs this fine afternoon and do not wish to write today so SORRY#blurgleshutthefuckup
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mothnoodle · 6 months ago
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i've found that one of the best ways to get a class on the same page as me when I'm teaching is to just. at the start of class go "okay here's the PLAN." and then go through what i plan for class today.
and then they get to remind me if i say we're going to do something and then forget 5 minutes later. they love doing that.
unsolicited parenting advice of the day tell your kids what to expect! If your two year old is anxious about when dad is going to get home from work, teach him to recognize what patterns indicate that dad is coming home soon! After lunch we will do an activity and then clean and THEN dad will get home. Listen when the calendar day starts with an S dad does not have to go to work!!
and if something goes wrong and today does NOT go according to the plan your little guy expects, tell him!! Hey, dad has to go to work after all today, but he will be home after lunch! Today dad has to get groceries after work, so he’ll be home later than normal. But he will return with more bananas! Focus on the positives too, give them things they can understand. Don’t just say “not today,” they understand the concept of grocery stores and unexpected trips. Just tell them the problem. You’d hate being in the dark about everything that happens to you also. Let them control their situation, even if it’s just their own emotions and expectations.
or even! Teach them to read an analogue clock! Let me tell you, church nursery in the 1.5-3.5 age group got so much less stressful and anxious for EVERYONE when I taught my kids how to read the clock. They don’t have to ask me anymore how much time is left and fish for answers I can’t give them. They know that their guardians will come for them when the long stripe on the clock touches the 2, and that if they aren’t there then then they’re LATE and they get to hold this over their parents head. Because they know their parents can be late. And they LOVE knowing when this has occurred. There is so much less anxiety.
anyway explain stuff to your kids, they want to know. This has been an unsolicited parenting advice PSA
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a-being-of-pure-vitriol · 2 months ago
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10 3-5 sentence analyses in less than an hour, I feel very accomplished and very tired
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