#with like shitty miserable Sunday rehearsal

[curiosity-killed]

//

[simplisticmemories]

It’s been awhile since I’ve rambled, not that you guys pay attention to me any how. haha. 

Anyway, my birthday is Saturday. I will be 23 years old. It’s weird to say out loud, especially since I am still an undergraduate student in college. It is, of course, by choice. I realized I have discovered something I absolutely love and to leave it so abruptly isn’t something I am willing to do. My life, these last few months, have honestly been... amazing. I can honestly say this is not the way I imagined my life would be.

 At the beginning of the year, I began an extremely rigorous rehearsal process for a show I had been cast in. (Y'all, I LOVE Theatre). It was an 8 week rehearsal process and the show ran for 2 weeks after that. I felt in my heart that I belonged there. Yes, rehearsing six days a week from 7-11 and 11-6 on Sunday’s could be a pain in the ass. YES, I was dead tired all the time because I still had work that needed to be done. YES there were nights when I didn’t want to go rehearsal. But you guys, the finishing product was so beautiful. I have made my relationships with so many people that much stronger. The knowledge I now have, the experiences this show gave me... is something I don’t know quite how to put into words; yet. I have learned ways in which to better my technique ( and I am still learning). The amount of support I received was inspiring, and also a bit surprising. People see me now. They really see me, ya know? Hell, I see me now.. 

After that show ended, I had another opportunity for yet another show; it closed this past Saturday. Tomorrow, I will be doing a reading of an 8-10 minute play that an extremely talented friend on mine wrote. I mean! This has been one of my most favorite semesters. This is my Jordan year gotdamnit. 

I am a trainer at a kickboxing gym. This is where my Kinesiology field of study comes in. To have a job that pertains to ONE of my fields of study is TRULY A BLESSING. I love it SO MUCH. I am able to do theatre and then kick some ass later. GUYS! I have always wondered how I could incorporate the two later on in life. This year (as of January 2017), has taught me that literally anything is possible. I have had some difficult moments in my life. There were moments when I’d sit alone and cry because my life was shit and nothing I did seemed to be working... or right. It seemed I wasn’t good enough for anything, but God y'all. Seriously. This Man has been blessing me over and over again. Now. I still have a loooong ways to go, but there is a light any the end of the tunnel. My life isn’t perfect by any means, but is anybody’s? It’s definitely better than last year. So much better than last semester. Ten times better than 3 months ago. Thank You. 

Also, I’m moving into a house at the end of July. WHAT!? lol. 

OK. It gets better. There’s this guy. This perfect, wonderful, sweet, amazing, SEXY AS FUCK... guy. He cares about me in a way no man has ever cared about me. I can feel it. I can hear it. I can see it in the way he looks at me. He’s an Engineer, so he’s smart as hell. It’s so attractive. I am meeting his family in a few weeks, he’s going to show me around his home town. He seems so excited, lol. I am not sure what forces that be brought this man into my life, but I am so thankful that he is here now. I have needed him for awhile but he appeared right on time. The way he makes me feel.. I just. I don’t know. We are the same person, yet very different. That’s all I’ll say about that, but fuck. I’m so happy. 

Though I lost a friendship that began in 2007, I am not sad. I realized how toxic that friendship was. Is it a coincidence that once I let that friendship go, my life started to form a shape? Maybe, I don’t really know. It doesn’t really matter either. I realized that this so called “friend” of mine wasn’t really a friend after all. She didn’t like me very much, it seemed. She was jealous of me.. of the friendships I had.. of the way I carried myself...of the way I don’t give a fuck what people think... this sounds presumptuous, but I have contemplated this, our friendship, our conversations and encounters throughout the years. I have spoken with family members, mutual friends between us, and close friends of my own, and that has been the consensus. From each, and everyone of them. I am not sure why, because I firmly believe you should never be jealous of your friends. Ever. I wish you guys could’ve heard the things she said to me, haha. They were actually pretty hurtful, but that’s because she wanted me to feel as miserable as she does... and I don’t. I will always have love for the girl. I wish her all the best as she is a beautiful, smart, intelligent and talented girl. She will be a doctor one day. There is no doubt in my mind, though she often doubts herself.. I am not sure we will ever speak again. I personally don’t have anything left to say to her. I don’t want someone in my life who doesn’t like me. Who judges me. Who tries to turn my friends against me. WHO TRIES TO MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A SHITTY PERSON. WOW. You think you know a person. 

“THE LENGTH OF A FRIENDSHIP DOES NOT DETERMINE THE STRENGTH OF A FRIENDSHIP.” 

- a wise ass muthafucka.

End rant.