#regardless of whether its in a romantic or platonic etc context

[zoobiefish]

Me when a man calls me “sweetie”: 😐😬🙄😡🖕

Me when a woman calls me “sweetie”: 🥺💞👉👈

[bloomshroomz]

Aromantic*

(Alternate Title: Shrödinger’s Romantic)

I keep wondering if “aromantic” is really a good word to describe my romantic orientation. I have plenty of reasons for why it is, but also plenty of reasons for why it might not be. Shrödinger’s romantic.

In order to know whether you experience romantic attraction or not, you first have to have a solid definition of what romantic attraction is. A definition which is clear, and also distinct from other forms of emotional attraction. I don’t think such a definition exists, or at least, it’s not commonplace.

“Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.” - UNC Chapel Hill LGBT Center

But what is romantic contact or interaction? Is it contact which is culturally considered romantic? In that case, the ways in which romantic attraction is defined would vary by culture, and even by gender. Or is it contact which one intends to be romantic? That would make sense, but is incredibly subjective. How do you know where to draw the line? What if you haven’t drawn one?

“[Romantic attraction] involves a combination of physical, sexual, and emotional feelings toward someone.” - WebMD

This definition is ridiculously vague, especially for a page which defines multiple other types of attraction in relation to romance. What physical feelings? What sexual feelings? What emotional feelings? What about alloromantic asexual people, or other varioriented people, who don’t necessarily experience sexual feelings as part of their romantic feelings?

But the article also defines aromanticism as “when you don’t have any desire for a romantic relationship,” so I can’t count on it for accuracy regardless.

“Romantic attraction is the internal pull that you experience when you are with someone with whom you internally feel connected, comfortable and interested in spending more of your life with.” - Choosing Therapy

Do people not feel connected to their friends? Do people not feel comfortable with their friends? Are people not interested in spending more of their life with their friends? Why else would people find time to connect with their friends, to confide in them, to engage with them? What about these feelings is distinctly romantic?

The article goes on to say this:

“Romantic relationships are relationships intentionally initiated and maintained for experiencing sexual and romantic feelings together, whereas platonic relationships are usually centered on another purpose like hobbies, friendship, support, work, etc. Romantic relationships can also include these purposes as well, but the platonic relationship excludes the romance and sexual feelings.” - Choosing Therapy

I ask again, what about alloaces and other varioriented people? What about people who have sex with their friends? Even when it’s taboo, it’s not unheard of. The distinction can’t be sex, so it has to be romance. So, what is romance?

Later in the article, it defines romance once again:

“Romantic attraction: The internal pull that draws your attention to the other person’s positive qualities, and your internal reaction to connect, love, share and spend time with them to have more romance.” - Choosing Therapy

I feel like I’m running in circles here. People draw their attention to the positive qualities of not just romantic interests, but to friends, family, and other people with whom they’d have no romantic interest. Connection, love, and spent time are not exclusive to romance either. If the goal is to have more romance… What is that?

Every answer I find fails to say what romance is on its own. The definitions always rely on presence or absence of sex, or other things which can just as easily be present in platonic or otherwise non-romantic contexts. Romantic attraction is consistently defined by things which are not distinctly romantic.

Is it even a real thing? I mean, I feel like it’s clearly not, but it’s also clearly very real to most people. Most people don’t think about it this hard. It’s like they were given a manual that I can never possess. It comes naturally to them. They feel romantic attraction, and they know, intuitively, that that’s what it is.

Is my lack of intuition evidence that I don’t experience romantic attraction, or am I just autistic? Maybe it’s both. When I described to my aunts my emotional attraction, they described my way of experiencing and perceiving attraction as very “intellectual,” which I initially rejected. But I think they were right. I lack the intuition to understand my feelings in any way that doesn’t involve a literal or metaphorical chart. It’s something I can’t just feel and then know like other people do.

Is romantic attraction always a “you’ll know it when you feel it” sort of thing? It seems like it. Even when I search “romantic attraction” on Google, many results either come from queer Fandom Wiki pages, discussions amongst a-spec people, Reddit, or Quora. Some results aren’t even relevant to the question, including multiple results which just describe what “aromantic” means. The opposite of what I intended to search for.

The thing is, I do have feelings which would likely be perceived as romantic to most people. I have a deep desire for commitment and companionship. To touch and be touched. To love and be loved. To be emotionally and physically intimate with other people. To feel the warmth of other people as we lay in bed together. To live out our mundane lives together. Things that most people would find incredibly romantic.

But are these things romantic if I don’t explicitly intend for them to be? Is it romantic for me to be open to it being romantic, without actively wanting that?

When I’ve described my feelings online, I’ve gotten mixed responses from other people, but I’ve generally been given similar advice from different strangers, and similar labels thrown at me, even when I hadn’t asked for advice or labels.

“I think you’d enjoy a queerplatonic relationship.”

“You might be cupioromantic.”

“You might be bellusromantic.”

And I can understand where they’re coming from. I don’t think they’re entirely wrong, either. I would enjoy a queerplatonic relationship… But not for any reason that wouldn’t apply to other committed relationship types. Queerplatonic relationships, platonic relationships, romantic relationships, and whatever else there is are the same to me in all but label.

Cupioromanticism is something I have considered. I made the flag for it when I was 15 years old as well (yes, the peach one with five stripes; I always asked to be credited anonymously), so I’m biased towards liking the flag. But the definition is “being aromantic, and also wanting a romantic relationship.”

I don’t specifically want a romantic relationship, but I do want committed relationships in general, and romantic relationships are included in that. So, maybe?

Bellusromantic is something I have also considered, and it also has a pretty flag. But I think it’s less accurate than cupioromantic. The definition is “being aromantic, and enjoying traditionally romantic things, but not wanting a romantic relationship (or not wanting a committed relationship, depending on the definition used).”

I do enjoy traditionally romantic things in a way which is not explicitly romantic, and I don’t explicitly want a romantic relationship. But I’m not opposed to romantic relationships, and I do explicitly want committed relationships.

I took some aro-spec tests, and my results had a tendency to skew towards cupioromantic, bellusromantic, and quoiromantic. Quoiromantic is another orientation which I have considered, and it might be the most accurate.

Quoiromantic is also aptly known as “whatromantic” or “WTFromantic” because the defining trait is that romantic attraction as a concept doesn’t make sense to you.

“[Quoiromantic], also known as [whatromantic] or [WTFromantic], is a [romantic] orientation defined by confusion, vagueness, and/or obscurity. A [quoiromantic] person may not understand or relate to the concepts of [romantic] attraction and/or [romantic] orientation. [Quoiromanticism] may involve confusion related to what [romance] is, whether or not one experiences [romantic attraction], and how to differentiate it from other forms of attraction. [Quoiromanticism] can also feel blurry and unclear, and may center around general confusion around one's identity and attraction. It can also refer to a lack of identification with [romantic] orientation as a concept, and can additionally serve as a label for people who cannot fit into more specific identities. [Quoiromanticism] can also refer to when one does not experience [romantic] attraction in a "traditional" manner. It is sometimes used as a catch-all term for people who know they're somewhere on the [aromantic] spectrum, but aren't sure where.” - An LGBTQIA+ Wiki (originally about quoisexuality; I changed some words.)

In a similar vein, pomoromantic (“pomo” being literally taken from “postmodern”) would also fit. My romantic orientation exists from a post-romantic perspective, where romance is understood to be made up bogus which isn’t actually fundamentally different from any other form of emotional connection.

“[Pomoromanticism] is defined as refusing, avoiding, or not fitting any [romantic] orientation label in terms of conventional labels or classifications, such as gay, lesbian, [biromantic], or [aromantic]. It challenges categorizations in favor of largely unmapped possibility and the intense charge that comes with transgression. Some [pomoromantic] people may be queer or questioning, and others may not be.” - Another LGBTQIA+ Wiki (originally about pomosexuality; I changed some words.)

But at that point, is it even worth labeling my romantic orientation? Should I just be bisexual/omnisexual? Maybe with a little asterisk at the end? Does any of this matter? Am I thinking too much? (I am.)

I think that continuing to identify as aromantic will probably close me off to potential relationships. I feel like the word gives people the wrong idea. At the same time, the way that I think about romance is fundamentally different than the way other people tend to, and I do consider my aromanticism to be a notable part of who I am and how I experience the world. Maybe I should just send this to whoever ends up being a potential partner. Probably more useful than any label.

[nightswithkookmin]

From Jimin: To the hyungs Jungkook is just my little brother...

I have no idea what that says. But if this is what he said, then definitely it leaves room for interpretation because it's an incomplete statement. You don't need to know the nuances of the language to understand that that statement is a sentence fragment that expresses an incomplete thought on the surface of it.

The omission of a second clause implies the opposite of what was said in the first. It's as simple as that.

The question anyone would ask upon hearing that is, so... he's more? Or, so he's not your little brother?

Makes sense...

But I've seen other translations such as, to the hyungs JK is like my little brother and in other instance, Jk is our little brother etc.

Makes you wonder if these interpretations took the context of the conversation into consideration or even why Jimin would make such a statement in the first place in their attempts to provide nuance.

"SUGA: Jungkook is good at everything

J-hope: Jungkook always surprises us. he changed his style recently!

Jimin: The hyungs all think he's like my actual little brother.

V: Jungkook is good at keeping his focus

JK: Everything about Jungkook is pretty!"

It's Jungkook from the members' lens.

When you interpret Jimin's bit within this context then it's more likely he is trying to highlight his dynamic with Jungkook more than anything, mainly to the effect that Jungkook is perhaps obedient, likeable, sweet, puppy etc.

Comparing Jungkook to his actual little brother is a compliment and perhaps has a much deeper meaning than mere friendships in my opinion. It shows just how close, more than co workers they are, how more than friends they are, how really close they are.

I don't know why shippers shy away from comparisons to family bond when in fact the bond of family is the greatest bond one could ever have.

BTS do have a habit of liking their bond to that of family- and they love to show that bond off.

It's interesting seeing Jikook through the lens of the members when most times the bond of those two are invalidated, watered down and downplayed.

Everyone would have us believe Jikook are sworn enemies from rival states. So however you wanna interpret what he said, there's value in taking things at face value. You don't need to do too too much with it to try to get its meaning across because then that would be analysis and analysis are always subjective and subject to our own confirmation biases.

To the hyungs, he's like my little brother, he is just my little brother, he's like our little brother- all have the same sentiment if taken from the perspective of that whatever JM said was intended as a compliment to Jungkook.

Perhaps Jungkook treats JM just like a younger brother would a Hyung- given the culture of respect between hyung/dongsaengs, given the way hyungs are expected to take care of their dongsaengs, given the emphasis BTS places on their bond, honorifics culture...

Perhaps he means, Jungkook treats me in such a way you'd think he were my actual younger brother- a theme which to me is in line with that whole Jimin treats me better than my own brother does or the numerous times he's compared him to his own brother or something along those lines.

They love eachother very much. Whether that is platonic or romantic is up for debate but I don't think after this anyone can invalidate their bond or gaslight is into thinking those two aren't close at all.

If the members see them as this close then it really puts an end to this whole Jungkook is uncomfortable with Jimin nonsense.

The busan bros, the busans, the sun and moon duo, the exceptionally close pair, the hyungs all think Jungkook is like my actual little brother etc

They all have a similar vibe to me.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't care much about the nuances of the language in this context or in any context to be honest as the intention behind the text is pretty obvious💀

To me he is either providing the hyungs' perspective to affirm his dynamic with Jungkook or to affirm all that he's been saying of his dynamic with JK which is that JK is like a little brother to him just as he repeated in Festa.

To highlight and affirm their bond or to compliment Jungkook like the other's were in this instance.

This is the diagram some Karny drew to explain the nuances of the text.

And here I thought I was extra chilee.

I'm not mad at this. Love when a moment brings out the delulu in yall's eyes😭🤣🤣

I don't know why we are hung on Jimin's words out of all the statements that were made trying to dissect and over analyse it.

On one hand I feel some people are over sensationalizing while others are just plain invalidating Jikook's bonds- especially over something Jimin of all people would say.

He slick slick. I'll give him that. And he loves him some double entendres. But he's also usually the one to use dictum that makes it easier for his words and meaning to be translated- if they get translated. So it's fascinating to see the confusion his words are creating out in these streets. It really ain't that deep if you ask me chilee.

Alas, we are all adults and we all have different perspectives on these things. I'd say, find a source you trust based on their track record and stick with it. Do your own analysis or seek out others' perspectives on it. This is mine and how I take it- regardless of what any Karmy says😊

My delusions are mine and mine alone. No disrespect to Karmy. In fact, yall great people doing great holding it down for the gays🤭

Also disclaimer, I'm not a translator and any translation used here isn't mine.

In conclusion,

Hyuna screws her dongsaeng and Rain fucks his Noona. Dead that whole Jikook womb mates shit before I lay my paws on ya.

Please pls Jikook is louder than this🙄

Jeonlous counts. Keep your wokeness yo yourself please. You must be in the wrong industry if you think you have to live by a code of ethic in these ship streets.

There is no ethical nor moderate consumption of ships under shipping. There is nothing like ethical or moderate shipping for the holier than thou shippers in the back.

We all ghetto ma'am. You might as well go all out😴

My favorite line from their song though is when Hyuna sings, "I'm finna tell my father about us and pledge eternity to you. You have to be careful always though, there are lots of pretty girls out there. We have to tell the world, I can't share you with another girl."

Eventually they told the world🤭

Their careers suffered but they did it anyway.

Please no nondelusional, fake woke, moderate shipper person should tell it to me when I talk about Jungkook's frustration to come out with their relationship and come act like it's illogical hence implausible for him to want to come out etc😒

I like my delulu perspective better😌

Peace.

GOLDY

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[allos-aro]

Carnival of Aros February 2021: Relationship Anarchy

Howdy y’all, I’m Allos, and I figured that February might be a good time to have the aro blogging community discuss the concept of Relationship Anarchy in relationship to aromanticism and amatonormativity. For more on the Carinval of Aros, check out the official WordPress.

As a primer, "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy” written by Andie Nordgren may be helpful for those of you seeking out a description for relationship anarchy from an anarchist’s perspective. I am also interested in other people’s feelings about how relationship anarchy can be used to reorient how we view our interpersonal dynamics, regardless of how we personally code them (with new vocabulary or not) or how our societies code their significance.

To clarify, relationship anarchy is not specifically about welcoming polyamory into our lives. In my opinion, it’s more about how we value our interpersonal dynamics (whether they are romantic, platonic, familial, etc) and deconstructing the social hierarchy that amatonormativity constructs for us about how we “should” think about them (though if you have differing thoughts, it’s worth discussing imo!).

Some guiding prompts:

If there’s a part of the manifesto above that speaks to you or that you want to discuss at-depth, feel free to do so.

Vocabulary is a fairly fundamental part of how most human beings view themselves and their relationships to the world around them. How does vocabulary about interpersonal dynamics or relationships impact how you interact with them, and how would your understanding of relationship anarchy change that?

How does the framework of relationship anarchy fit within the context of fighting amatonormativity, which is a common sentiment I’ve seen around lots of aromantic-centric spaces?

As an aromantic, how could, or would, you utilize a framework like relationship anarchy in an ideal version of the world that catered to your specific interpersonal desires?

There’s been criticism of relationship anarchy being used as a scapegoat for terrible behavior in interpersonal dynamics, as well as its lack of practicality due to vagueness. In these complexities, what do you feel is worth, or not worth, considering when it comes to relationship anarchy?

The above two links are in response to when A Big Mean Lesbean hosted the Carnival of Aces in November 2016 on relationship anarchy. If anything in those posts resonates with you, feel free to discuss that as well.

Much gratitude to previous aspec discussion on relationship anarchy, and particularly towards Carnival of Aces in November 2016. I’m hoping for similar discussions.

To submit your thoughts, you can either message them to me here on Tumblr, or you can send your links to the email zhizhu @/ protonmail (dot) com, and I’ll collect them into a blog post at the end of February. If you would like your thoughts/comments anonymized, feel free to message or email me and we can arrange something, most likely hosted on this Tumblr. Deadline for submissions will be 9AM MST on March 1st.

Happy writing!

[hamliet]

when does a relationship become queerbaiting? theres a book that i really like and the 2 male leads characters have a lot of storylines and arcs where they get closer and i think some of the tropes used can be similar to the typical romantic tropes, neither of them end up with anyone at the end of the story since its more about found family and the long journey the whole cast goes through. they even get shipped by another character as a running gag. personally i always saw it as being open to interpretation but recently the revised edition of the original novel came out and there were several lines those 2 characters had about each other that were kinda toned down, i didnt think much of it but i saw a post about how it was clearly baiting and the author was being homophobic for toning it down. i didnt think it counted as baiting since as far as i know, the novel was never advertised as anything with romance and the author never pretended they were gonna end up together. i am definitely a little weirded out by the decision to change those specific lines but a lot of the story stayed the same, including a lot about their relationship so idk what to think.

i guess im more confused on if it counts as baiting, or even substext??

Sooooo I am not the best person to ask about this, because I’m a cis woman who has thus far in life only been attracted in a romantic sense to cis men. I can talk a bit about baiting as a general concept in fiction, but you should definitely take it with some grains of salt. 

Baiting, for me, is like deliberately playing up an aspect writers have no intention on delivering on. Usually this is done for ratings, to tease fans, fanservice, etc, but without payoff, it is just bad writing. Red herrings are good in writing, but only can be successfully used if the actual result is more satisfying than the herring. This applies to writing in general, not just to romantic ships. However, when the baiting involves historically underrepresented groups for no reason other than to get fans to spend money consuming the story, I think we can all agree that becomes something more grotesque than just bad writing: it’s insensitive, socially irresponsible, frankly hurtful. 

Some common examples are Bridgerton which has a gay character, who is extremely minor, yet they played up this character in advertising. Also, Rizzoli and Isles I think actually had its producers mention deliberately playing up the lesbian subtext to hook the audience without ever intending on following through. 

That said, context also matters. Like, there are aspects of the culture of the work’s author, the target audience, and such that come into play here also (so like, romantic tropes differ by culture. For example, enemies to lovers is common in Asian stories but less in the west, and the “girl who pursues a guy” is extremely common in Japanese shonen in particular, while it is very much a cringe trope that almost never results in romance in American fiction. So if a writer reads, say, tropes that are common in America into a Japanese work and says it’s baiting, that’s quite possibly not the intent even if it may have been the experience of the reader. So even if there was no intent, there can still be hurt, and that hurt can be real, if that makes sense. 

The definition of what constitutes ‘baiting’ varies. I do think that, in true Tumblr fashion, the term gets thrown around a lot and loses its intended meaning, or is so rigidly defined that creators can meet the letter of the “not a bait” requirement while ignoring the spirit of it.

To start with the latter: regarding something hitting the letter of what most wouldn’t consider baiting yet not really the spirit, let’s look at The Rise of Skywalker. This movie had a genuine lesbian kiss in it... between two characters we’d never seen more than a glimpse of while others are celebrating around them. Since it has a kiss, it’s not baiting, right? Well... the director deliberately said in the lead-up to the film that he included it because he “wanted LGBT people to see themselves in the film.” If “see yourselves in the film” is like a nanosecond of background, then, like... idk. Baiting or not, it feels icky, and I know some people consider it baiting and some don’t even if they don’t like, love that representation. But I think this is more queerbaiting than like, Nobara and Maki, who don’t have explicit romantic coding. 

Going back to the former, in terms of ‘queerbaiting’ losing its intended meaning... I think there are a lot of really poorly written romantic ships out there, often het, while a lot of same-gender relationships are really well written regardless of whether there’s romantic coding within the text. The main emotional energy in stories with 90% male characters (as frankly many if not most stories are, great job world) is probably between two men. There’s just so much more potential with well-written characters who share a lot of screen time, so of course people are going to ship them. In my opinion, this does not inherently make it baiting, but it certainly creates an environment that lends itself to baiting even if the writers aren’t intending to do this. 

Like, you could say the main emotional energy in BNHA is Bakugou and Deku. However, Bakudeku is 100% not queerbaiting. It’ll never be canon romantically (I don’t even ship it lol). There has been nothing to imply romance between them even if the main emotional message can be seen in their development. Deku/Ochaco is likely to be canon, but there is a significant lack of genuine emotional energy between them (the story’s plots and themes don’t coalesce around their relationship), so it’s probably going to feel forced. In contrast, Naruto/Sasuke had an actual kiss in canon, which while played for laughs is a lot more direct romantic coding than anything between Bakugou/Deku. I actually don’t think the majority of Narusasu is baiting, but I definitely think that one moment in chapter like 3 was really poor fanservice for yaoi fans, and has not aged well at all. 

It is also the case that fans can confuse headcanons with what is actually in the text, and that just never ends well. For example, Clover and Qrow’s ship in RWBY: a lot of people read Clover as gay, which led to “bury your gays” outrage when he died. A member of the crew stated explicitly they had never intended for Clover to be a love interest for Qrow, and truthfully here was nothing strictly romantic in their relationship--nothing like a kiss or a declaration of love or a parallel to another romantic couple. Hence, I don’t personally consider it queerbaiting or bury your gays, but a lot of fans felt that it was and their pain is legitimate even if I think textually the argument isn’t there. The one thing I do think is true about this in particular is that there was also no strict platonic coding, which encourages headcanons. Clear writing, yo. It can help. 

Note the word “can” not “will,” because strict platonic coding doesn’t always fix things, either. In what was probably a reaction to the outrage over Clover’s death, you had extremely blatant platonic coding of Ruby and Penny’s relationship this season leading up to Penny’s death. Ruby refers to Penny as “our friend” three different times, wherein “friend” sends a platonic message and “our” sends an even stronger message that it’s not about the two of them despite the fact that their friendship is one of the sweetest and most interesting in the show. A lingering Ruby-Penny hug then is followed by a lingering Penny-Weiss hug, then Yang, then Blake, etc. The writers went out of their way to hit people over the head with “platonic” and yet they have still gotten accusations of bury your gays and queerbaiting because people will see what they want to see in a story. 

Seeing what you want to see in a story also isn’t inherently bad. People who are underrepresented are going to have to read themselves into stories because Lord knows writers ain’t incorporating them well enough if at all. It’s why “Mary Sues” are common in fanfiction, which is primarily written by people who are not straight white men: because where the hell else are we to see ourselves in fiction? So essentially the macrocosm of culture creates this problem, both in terms of baiting and the misuse of the term, and the only fix is a shit ton more good representation.

[dragonofyang]

On Love and Lions Part 1: An Analysis on Love in VLD

“I have always believed that unity is where true power comes from, and true unity can only be born of love.” --Gyrgan, Paladin of the Yellow Lion

Voltron: Legendary Defender is a cartoon on Netflix that–with the final season available to watch on Netflix–has extremely regressive and harmful messages. The S8 on Netflix carries lessons about how war is good, that men shouldn’t respect the wishes and desires of women, that violence and abuse mean even victims aren’t deserving of forgiveness. Everything about that is 100% antithetical to what VLD was about throughout the prior seasons and each harmful message is another nail in the coffin of the original narratives of peace, respect, and fundamentally how everyone is deserving of love and forgiveness, regardless of the circumstances of their birth.

In fact, the theme of love in VLD is something we at Team Purple Lion wish to discuss. It’s arguably the most absolutely fundamental theme of the show. Love destroys the universe, and love saves it over and over again. And love would have rebuilt the universe, but thanks to the edits ordered by the trademark holder, the universe that should have been born from love was instead born from one girl sacrificing her life because she saw no better option. She didn’t even get to tell her only remaining father figure goodbye. What kind of message is that? In the original final season, prior to the executive meddling, we should have seen how love was such a powerful force in the universe that it could not just repair this reality, but all realities. And it’s not just romantic love, but six types of love.

Now, for those of you more familiar with our work, we’ve discussed some pretty big concepts in VLD and how they’re addressed, and there will be even more in future episodes of our reconstruction Rise and Atone. VLD engages not just with its own predecessors in the Voltron franchise, but Beast King GoLion, Labyrinth, Frankenstein, and Maureen Murdock’s The Heroine’s Journey is all but the story bible for Allura’s arc. The concepts we are about to discuss date back to Ancient Greece, and while love can be more than these concepts, it’s important that we have a framework through which we can discuss and analyze love as it appears in VLD without getting lost in all the examples.

In American culture, “love” is not very well-differentiated between kinds because we only use one word: “love”. While we use it across all sorts of contexts, we have to add modifiers when we don’t mean romantic love or familial love, which are the most commonly-acknowledged forms of love. VLD, being written and edited by primarily Americans living in America, also encounters this issue, but it does not focus solely on romantic love, which can complicate how to interpret love in the show. We, however, would like to argue that not only is it all love, but it doesn’t all have to be good love, familial love, or romantic love. At the end of the day the plot is driven by love in its many forms. Love is so baked into the story that it’s quite difficult to extricate, dare I even say impossible, and that ultimately is part of why we were able to reconstruct so much of what was lost in S8.

The Ancient Greeks had many words for love, but we feel it’s important to discuss the dialogue that VLD engages in with various forms of love, using the Ancient Greeks’ framework as a guide. The model gives us concrete definitions of different kinds of love, and can help us as an audience understand the various forms of love that are present in VLD. It’s important that we define the different ways we can observe love being portrayed because much of VLD relies on the writing adage of “show, don’t tell”.

So without any further ado, let’s dig into what, precisely, is love.

As stated earlier, we’ll be using terminology coined by the Ancient Greeks, specifically six categories of love that we feel are most prevalent in the show. We’ve also deduced our own examples of these forms of love when they’re taken too far or flat-out discarded, which will be discussed in a companion article.

The six forms of love are as follows:

Eros: the most famous kind of love, an intense (and often sexual) passion for another being and seeing the beauty within them. This is the love that most closely aligns with romantic love as we understand it in a modern American context.

Philia: an affection and loyalty between friends, notable for its platonic nature, it is the love that arises between friends, and can be found among family, but the modern equivalent would be the found family trope.

Storge: this is the intrinsic empathy between individuals, primarily the attachment of parents to children. This form of love was primarily used to describe familial relationships, and the patience one sometimes needs when around blood relatives.

Philautia: put simply, this is self-love in its purest form. It is acknowledging your needs, wants, and happiness without apology. The Ancient Greeks considered Philautia to be a basic human need.

Xenia: while many might not consider this to be a form of love, it is hospitality, or as we define it, love between a host and their guests. Specifically, this would be the care a host gives to their guests in both physical (food, gifts, etc.) and non-physical (respecting rights, protection, etc.). Hospitality is massively important because if you are good to someone while they are in your home, they will be equally good to you if you visit theirs.

Agape: this is a Greco-Christian term, ultimately, and is a little more difficult to understand because it can be confused with other forms of love. At its core, though, it is a pure and unconditional love such as that between spouses, families, or God and man. It shouldn’t be confused for other forms of love such as Philia because unlike the other forms of love, which only focus on one aspect of humanity, Agape is the unconditional and universal love for everyone. It’s sexless, unlike Eros. At its core, it’s the love born of goodwill to all people, regardless of circumstance.

While these are only six categories, there are many ways of interpreting love, especially since there are so many avenues to see love–in good and bad forms–in VLD. These categories are also not inherently hierarchical, and are not presented in any particular order. Agape is the main exception, being more convoluted in its nature, and thus is discussed at the end. It also narratively serves as part of the culmination to the plot, so it carries a greater weight in relation to the alpha plot of the whole story.

Now, let’s examine how they present in VLD. As an official reminder, please remember that all analysis of VLD is done from a ship-neutral stance and we are not proposing any endgame romances. The sole purpose of this article is to discuss observable portrayals of love in its various forms, and to analyze both the text and the metatextual messages resulting from them.

Eros: Passionate Love

Eros… arguably this is the most contentious form of love presented in VLD, if only because of all the ship wars that occurred in the fandom. Eros drives the shipping communities of fandoms across the world, because it often stems from on-screen chemistry or the potential of the fleeting seconds where a spark flies but does not catch in canon. The beauty of Eros is that it ripples quietly through fiction, or it can be a tsunami ready to devour the story. It’s the quiet whisper of two women sharing a private moment, to the shouted declarations in the heat of battle. Eros thrums through fandoms in a desperate tempo for seeing a love as passionate as you can feel in characters who may never share more than a glance.

Plato actually had quite the influence on the word “Eros”, because “Eros” or erotic love, was largely regarded as a type of madness brought upon a person by seeing someone whose beauty strikes your heart with an arrow (Cupid’s arrows, anyone?). Eros is the love that drives you to despair if the object of your affections is cruel or uninterested, and it burns like a fire. “Falling in love at first sight” is the key concept here, and you can see it reproduced in fandoms across the world, though many cultures have their own names and terms for it. Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott define “Eros” in A Greek-English Lexicon as “love, mostly of the sexual passion”. Plato, however, redefined the word to include a nonphysical aspect. He discusses it in Symposium and says that while (physical) Eros can be felt for a person initially, with contemplation you can and will fall in love with a person’s inner beauty, which for Plato was the ideal, since he specifically emphasized the lack of importance of physical attraction. In fact, Jung–who coined the Anima and Animus–has a similar approach, with an emphasis on unity within the self by accepting your internal Eros which manifests as your feminine Anima/masculine Animus.

In the text of VLD, Eros is remarkably subdued. This is partially due to its rating. Being a Y7-FV show, VLD can’t really have explicitly sexual content. Sure the implication can exist, but a lot of times sex has to be carried through metaphor if a story is to address it at all. Take the juniberry as an example. It’s a three-petal flower of a deep rose and softer pink, delicately topping a green stem, with a yellow pistil. In much of literary history, flowers represent female sexuality and beauty, and they are common representations of youth across genders.

Now, in strictly biological terms, flowers as a sexual symbol is a 1:1 accuracy in analysis, because the flower is the reproductive organ of a plant. I’d like to analyze the juniberry from a biological perspective, because understanding the anatomy of a flower can help us understand its role in literature as a metaphor for sex. The whole point of the flower is to be able to spread pollen across individual plants, whether by wind or by pollinators such as bats or bees, and breed to produce more plants. The actual reproductive organs of flowers are called the stamen and pistil, respectively. The stamen produces pollen, while the pistil collects pollen in its ovule to fertilize and create seeds. A stamen is a very slender filament, topped with what’s called an “anther”, which is where the pollen is actually released. The pistil, meanwhile, has a thicker base with a long body, usually topped with a few tendril-like structures called “stigma”.

Diagram by the Association of Societies for Growing Australian Plants [ID: A simple cross-section diagram of a flower. Three petals are visible on the far side, with reproductive organs drawn in the center. There is also a stalk and sepals at the bottom. Along the sides of the cross-section there are labels. On the left, a category called “Stamen” is labeled, with “Anther” and “Filament” pointing to two parts of the thinner reproductive organ. “Receptacle” marks the base of the flower, and “Peduncle (flower stalk)” marks out the stem. On the right, we have the label “Petal” and three labels under the category “Pistil”: “Stigma”, pointing to the top portion, “Style” pointing to the stem-like feature, and “Ovary” pointing to the rounded bottom. The label “Sepal” marks the leaf-like structure just under the petals. End ID.]

Now, when we look at the juniberries we see in canon, we can see that at no point are any drawn with stamens. They all have a single pistil growing from the center, and they’re topped with three stigma, meaning that all juniberries drawn on-screen are female juniberries.

Juniberries are a quintessential symbol of Altea, and they represent home to Allura, as well as what she’s lost. However, they also represent how Allura’s relationship to her own femininity is not some mystical thing determined by forces beyond her. Colleen gifts Allura a juniberry that was selectively bred from flowers she had available, and it’s identical in every way (that we can see) to the juniberries native to Altea. The message, though it’s subtle, is quite clear: Allura is in control of her femininity and can define herself however she pleases (“highlands poppy” versus “juniberry”). After the sexual undertones that threaded her relationship with Lotor, this is a very important message to convey, especially since a patriarchal story would punish Allura for the metaphorical sex in physical ways, such as how the season 8 on Netflix does.

Allura isn’t simply a vessel for male desire, nor is she a strong female character who doesn’t need a man. Her story is about finding agency separate from male expectations, without forsaking her own femininity in the process. Like the juniberry, she is feminine, but she is able to define herself, and the dark entity masquerading as Lotor reminds her of that with their conversation about calling the juniberry a “highlands poppy”. That’s what makes Lotor so dangerous to a traditional patriarchal values system: he reminds Allura that she has a choice.

It’s important to note that during their interactions Lotor never gives Allura a choice in the sense that he, a man, is allowing her one; he simply steps back and encourages her to make the choices to which she is entitled and to act on her emotions and desires. She is an agent of her own free will, and Lotor, being first her Shadow, challenges her to be smarter, quicker on the battlefield, and then as her Animus he challenges her to look inward and become in-tune to her own inner wants and needs. The other Paladins can offer some aid in that, but none of them strike her anxieties or hopes the way that Lotor can, being the crown prince and heir to her sworn enemy, and being half-Altean and half-Galra. He is, in a fundamentally physical way, the union of two races that were at war before Altea’s destruction, and to a survivor of that war, that forces Allura to question the beliefs she held in the beginning of the story. The stakes of success and failure are much higher with Lotor in the picture, and it’s easier to focus literary tension on two characters than five or six, so as a result of that persistent tension, we as the audience are given plenty of chemistry between two characters to spur Eros.

As we discussed last year in “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away”, Keith was meant to have a gay relationship with another Paladin. We refuse to write conjecture on what his endgame romance was meant to be, however it is important to discuss Keith’s Eros in a metatextual sense. For example, let’s look at Keith and Shiro. Keith is a legacy character that dates all the way back to 1984 Defender of the Universe. His romantic subplot was relegated to excised footage and extremely subtextual if it managed to squeak past the axe. Shiro was able to be queer, however, due to the fact that he’s a DreamWorks-owned character who is new to the franchise, meaning that there isn’t a legacy that needed to be upheld.

Keith’s queerness, however, still acts as a spur to fuel the potential for Eros, and helps build tension between him and his fellow male Paladins. And I specify male Paladins because during season 2, Keith and Allura go off in a pod by themselves to see if Zarkon is tracking either of them. During the scenes with Keith and Allura together, it’s important to note the background music is remarkably flat and lacking in romantic cues. In prior iterations of Voltron, Keith and Allura are implied as endgame (DOTU), have the beginnings of an on-screen romance (VForce), or straight up just fuck on the page (such as in the comics). It stands to reason that this scene should at least imply some form of passionate chemistry here, but largely it’s two friends confiding in one another and trying to find reassurance as they confess their fears. Keith doesn’t have a moment to admire Allura’s beauty the way we see Lance and Matt do, and Allura doesn’t blush like how she does with Lotor or Lance. Without markers for any kind of Eros, the scene is a quiet moment of contemplation away from the stress, only to be broken by Shiro telling them to get back because the Galra Empire found the Castleship again.

So then where do we see passionate chemistry for Keith? At the risk of starting the ship-war again, his chemistry largely exists with Shiro and Lance. Shiro, narratively, functions as his Mentor, someone to guide and believe in him, who then gives up his position of leadership (sort of) so that Keith can grow. Bringing Shiro back prematurely makes it harder to see, but in a traditional Hero’s Journey, the Mentor figure teaches not-quite-enough to the Hero before disappearing, and the Hero grows on their own and becomes their own person. Naturally, this makes Keith and Shiro have tension, especially since Shiro was brought back prematurely due to marketing, so their relationship dynamic had to change to accommodate Shiro’s return. Lance, however, constantly baits and teases Keith, and Keith frequently rises to it and they argue. They butt heads and don’t have that sense of camaraderie that Keith and Shiro do, so right off the bat there is more obvious tension between the two of them. Eventually, Lance and Keith learn to trust each other, and in season 8 we finally see them settle their rivalry as they prepare to face Honerva. So while Keith’s dynamic with Shiro is more focused on camaraderie and growth, Keith’s dynamic with Lance is more focused on pushing each other to be better warriors and teammates.

Philia: Friendly Love

In VLD, we’re shown that friends can be found anywhere if you’re willing to put down the blasters and try to make them. We’re also shown that just because you’re on the same side of the battlefield, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re best buddies. Commander Lahn pledges his loyalty to Lotor after his base is saved by Voltron, and Keith and Lance butt heads so often you’d think one would sooner drop the other into a black hole. However, we should never discount the power of friendship, or rather, we should never discount the value of platonic relationships. This includes everything from friendship, to the found family trope, to the mystical bond the Paladins have with their Lions. Philia is the companion’s love, firmly rooted in platonic–and often intellectual–admiration.

Philia, as defined in A Greek-English Lexicon by Liddell and Scott, is “an affectionate regard or friendship, usually between equals”. Where Eros is the fiery passion between sexually-attracted adults, Philia is the platonic love between people who respect and trust each other. This is the love that flows like water, endlessly filling and refilling your emotional needs with good company, good advice, and generally just a good presence. Friendships are the ports we anchor ourselves at when the seas become too rough, and in VLD, where space is the most dangerous frontier and most of the universe is your enemy, friends are more important than ever for our Heroes and Heroines.

[ID: A screenshot of S4E1 “Code of Honor” with Allura, Lance, Coran, Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk sharing a group hug with Keith. Coran, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura are all crying, while Keith, Shiro, and Lance are smiling. End ID.]

Everywhere you look in VLD, you’re sure to find some kind of camaraderie between friends. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk make the Garrison Trio (or as I like to call them, The Planck Constant), and they get into shenanigans together. In fact, it’s entirely likely that had Lance and Hunk not decided to follow Pidge up to the roof, they never would’ve found Shiro, and subsequently Blue Lion. Later, when Voltron has allied with Lotor as the new Galra Emperor, they reprogram a sentry to become the eternally-fantastic Funbot. If you want a prime example of the fun that could be had between friends, those three are quintessential to the definition of Philia. They’re the first Youths you meet in the story, and it’s through their eyes we watch as a far-off intergalactic war comes to Earth at last. The show has us follow them as the audience, and we watch as they meet up with Keith, save Shiro, and then find themselves going from Earth to Kerberos in less than five minutes, and then by the end of their day, they’ve awoken Allura and Coran and are on Arus, thousands of lightyears away from their home.

We see the Paladins go from a rowdy group of teenagers with Shiro as the head to a group of five Heroes and Heroines capable of saving the universe. Lance helps Pidge get all the GAC coins she needs for a video game, and he’s always got the team’s back with his sniper rifle. Hunk always is ready to lend a hand, even when he’s scared of flying Yellow, but when the Taujeerans are in danger of falling into the acid as their planet breaks apart, he’s right there holding them up while the team gets the arc ship ready for takeoff. Our Paladins are the embodiment of the power of friendship, trust, and perseverance, and it’s that tenacity and dedication that should have carried our six Paladins to victory and brought the Purple Paladin back into the light he thought had forsaken him. Black, Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Purple, and White, together in a bond of pure platonic love. There’s an old phrase I’m sure you’re all familiar with: “blood is thicker than water”. The power of Philia and found family in VLD challenges that notion in the original S8 when Lotor is offered his vindication. “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Pick any two of our main protagonists and you’re sure to find a thread of Philia connecting them, because when you fight together as one, you inevitably become closer as the trust builds between you. In fanfic terminology, this is the root of the found family trope: strangers and friends finding themselves in a gripping adventure together, and discovering that they’re stronger together than they could be apart, and coming to see these people as more than colleagues or acquaintances. They become your family and people to defend, and the people you trust to have your back when it’s time to face down an enemy together.

That’s part of why Keith leaving for the Blade of Marmora is so fractious. He’s growing into a leadership role and obviously accustomed to it, but with Shiro’s premature return, there’s some growing pains as the incumbent leader and the former leader unintentionally butt heads. Keith needs to be in Black Lion without Shiro to complete his growth, but without a way to easily integrate him back into the team without messing with the legacy, Keith has to go. And like with any good friend, when you have to say goodbye, it’s a bittersweet affair. The team doesn’t want him to go, but in-canon he feels he can do more good with the Blade, but the meta reason is that his Hero’s Journey has been arrested. But, like with any good friend, the team is able to reunite with him at a later date and he integrates back into the group. They are wiser to the world, harder, but they are together again. And they need that unity when it’s time to face Honerva and go into battle for not just their universe, but all realities.

Storge: Familial Love

In English, we have many concepts of love, but generally we only treat the single word of “love” as a word for “love”. As a result, we tend to use other words to modify the type of love we mean, which can get things kind of sticky if you talk about X type of love but don’t specify that it’s X type and not Y type. With familial love, it can be relatively understood without being specified, but as you can see by my explication here, I still have to modify the word “love” with an adjective to describe the next kind of love I will be discussing. Storge, the familial love.

A Greek-English Lexicon defines Storge as “love, affection, especially of parents and children”. Storge, unlike Philia, is not a platonic admiration for a companion in the family, however it does denote respect. Storge is also not the idealized unconditional love of Agape (which we will discuss toward the end of this essay). Storge is the instinctive love for those in your family, especially between parents and children. I also argue the key aspect of Storge is that your family–for all the times you want to tear out your hair–will love you for the rest of their lives. And you’ll love them, because they’re people who have your best interests at heart, even if they don’t always express that well.

Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man himself is Allura’s second father figure (after Alfor), but he’s the only father figure for Allura in the show that’s alive. Coran’s protectiveness of Allura is well-documented. He was furious when she got captured saving Shiro, he warns her to be careful healing the Balmera, he worries for her in Blue, but at no point does he actually prevent her from making her choices. He wants her to have a full life, a happy life, or at least as happy as one can be when you’re one of the only survivors of a war. He’s a father through and through, and even if Allura is Alfor’s daughter by blood, Coran is the one who supports her during the most difficult stage of not just her life but the universe’s life. He loves her, he consistently reminds people to respect her and to think of what’s best for her. Not just as a princess of Altea or the heart of Voltron, but as a daughter. Alfor was her father, but he died before he saw her face the trials in the plot. Coran, however, he gets to see her grow into a woman even greater than what Alfor could have ever imagined. The audience might find him a little frustrating (such as in S8E1 “Launch Date”), and Allura takes his protectiveness in stride, but at the end of the day Coran is a gorgeous man with his heart in the right place, even if his execution is a little off the mark on occasion.

The Holt parents are also good examples of Storge. We see Colleen and Sam fight to tell Earth about what’s been going on, as well as finding their children. Colleen herself is a solid mama bear that anyone would want to have fighting for them in their corner, and we can see she gives no fucks about protocol when she’s told she can’t stay on Garrison grounds with her husband.

[ID: Colleen Holt glaring, her husband Sam behind her looking equally annoyed. She glares at Admiral Sanda (off-screen) as they argue. The subtitle reads, “You’ll get me the clearance.” End ID.]

While Colleen doesn’t hesitate to ground Pidge for running away to space, the fact of the matter is that she and Sam fought like absolute hell to protect their kids in the ways they had available to them. Storge is the love parents have for their children and these two human characters are the perfect examples of it, even if Pidge chafes a bit under being grounded. Sam and Colleen’s love for Pidge and Matt and Coran’s love for Allura are the perfect avenues to explore how Storge is love, even if it’s frustrating, but they also serve as an excellent foil for how that love can be horribly twisted.

Philautia: Self-Love

In S1E1 of VLD, when our human protagonists meet Allura, Sendak is barreling through open space to their location and hellbent on capturing the Blue Lion. Allura is able to talk to Alfor–or rather, his hologram–to seek guidance in the upcoming battle, and he says, “You must be willing to sacrifice everything to assemble the lions and correct my error.”

With VLD, there’s this idea of sacrifice, of giving your life for the greater good, but when discussing acts of love, we also need to talk about acts of love for yourself. We see many instances of characters sacrificing themselves for the greater good, the belief that their death will bring an eventual victory to the Paladins of Voltron and free the universe. Allura throws Shiro into an escape pod so he doesn’t have to suffer the abuse again, but in the process becomes a prisoner herself. Ulaz gives up his life to save the Paladins and keep the Blade of Marmora base secret. Thace sacrifices himself so that Galra Central Command can go offline and the plan can move forward. Keith nearly kills himself trying to break through Haggar’s barrier at the battle of Naxzella before Lotor intervenes and destroys the ship with a blast from his Sincline ship. Sacrifice is a massive part of the show, and needless sacrifices are always undone, but what message do continuous sacrifices leave us with as the audience? It leaves us with Alfor’s lesson: you must sacrifice everything to correct my mistake.

When you’re writing, one of the most basic things you must do to drive a plot forward is change something significant. In the beginning of a story, Character A might think Character B is wrong and has no idea of what it takes to do something, but then Character B later on needs to surprise Character A by proving they can do that thing or that they don’t need to. It forces Character A and the audience to rethink their initial assumptions, and it encourages tension and dialogue between characters that otherwise might not exist. It’s an internal motivation, and one that audiences will pretty much always find more gripping and compelling than a simple monster-of-the-week scenario. VLD is no different. “All Galra are bad/Altea is good” leads to meeting the Blade of Marmora and Alteans who took over their universe. The challenge to a character’s worldview is what makes turning these initial ideas on their head so satisfying.

So what could challenge the idea that you have to sacrifice everything? Especially to correct the mistakes of someone else?

Love. Not for others, not for family, not even for the greater good.

But for yourself.

To quote Audre Lorde, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Philautia is the love in which you put yourself first, not because it’s selfish, but because it’s self-care. Self-love is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue” and Philautia has been recognized for millennia as a basic human need by the likes of Maslow and the Ancient Greeks. Recognizing your own needs and worth is a fundamentally radical decision, especially if you are in a position where you’re expected to prioritize the needs of others before your own.

S1E1 of VLD offers us pretty much every worldview that gets challenged later on in the series, except for Alfor’s. We see Alteans can be equally cruel, that Galra are not all evil. Voltron is a great protector, but it is also a great weapon, and Keith even calls it an alien warship in the very beginning, highlighting the danger Blue–and consequently Voltron itself–poses by merely existing. Philautia is not the exertion or prioritization of your desires, but the assertion of your needs. It can easily swing too far into selfishness and vanity, but making yourself heard is never a bad decision, and for those who are marginalized, women, trans people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, nonwhite people, it is an act of defiance. The sins of people in positions of power are not the burden for their victims to bear. If protesting is too much or too burdensome, simply taking the time to care for oneself is enough, because you can’t pour water out of an empty cup. Alfor’s plea to Allura was always meant to be overturned with the finale, especially since she’s facing down the antithesis of everything she believed in season 1. Honerva is selfish, manipulative, abusive, and an Altean woman. Alfor would ask Allura to give up everything she has left to destroy Honerva, but in the original and unedited season 8 Allura would have taken that plea and turned it on its head.

VLD’s Princess Allura is the first and only iteration to be a nonwhite girl and voiced by a black woman. Having her sacrifice herself is an extremely harmful message to little girls of color everywhere because it’s not the burden of girls of color to save the world. Their duty is to love themselves and know they’re able to be as brave and kind and intelligent as they’d like. Princess Allura’s arc is about a girl learning to not shoulder the burden of violence, but instead choosing to relieve herself and choose healing and creation, and in turn, her reward would be the literal universe at her fingertips.

And Allura isn’t the only character to learn to love themselves. Lance, as well, learns to become comfortable with himself. At first he’s comfortable and cocky and immature in Blue Lion, but then as the seasons progress and he finds Red to be more of a challenge, he learns he has to follow through with his actions and decisions. He learns that to fly Red, he can’t hesitate and just has to roll with the punches. He dubs himself “the sharpshooter” of the group, and at first he gets laughed at, but then he saves Slav from being trapped in prison once more by firing and making a near-impossible shot. He doesn’t have to forge ahead and fight recklessly, he simply has to see an opportunity and take it.

All our other Paladins learn to become more comfortable with themselves, as well. Hunk becomes more confident in being the voice of reason, and becomes an A+ diplomat in the process. Pidge is able to open up and be honest with her team about her secrets and fears, and in return is blessed not just with that weight off her shoulders, but the knowledge that her team is her family just as much as Sam and Matt are. Keith, too, learns that he doesn’t have to go it alone all the time. He’s able to relax and trust his team, and rather than burdening himself with doing everything, he’s able to rely on the skillsets of the other Paladins and make them a stronger team by focusing his attention on directing them, as opposed to commanding them.

Another interesting example of Philautia is Lotor himself, who at no point is uncomfortable with his mixed heritage, even when he’s called a “half-breed” or when one of his parents blames half of his heritage for his failings. The main reason that it’s not as blatant is because by the time the story begins, he’s been at peace with his heritage and his place in the Galra Empire for a long time, and thus does not play a significant role until he has his breakdown at the end of season 6.

This form of love is quite possibly the most frustrating, if only because so much of its payoff was in season 8. We should see Allura not give up her life in the name of sacrifice, but rather choose to become a goddess in the name of love. We should see Lance become unshakably confident in his abilities when it’s time to face the biggest bad guy of the series. The final season was meant to be a season won through love, and self-love is quintessential to that victory, because it gives viewers the message that your acceptance of yourself is vital to the world. It’s an important lesson for little girls everywhere to know that their worth doesn’t lie in how much of themselves they can give away, but how much of themselves they cultivate and grow, because if you trust in yourself and choose love, then you’ll be as powerful and strong as Princess Allura. It’s possible to be the brave and chivalrous Paladin while also being the princess who likes the occasional sparkly thing.

The lesson of Philautia in VLD is one of embracing your limits of what you can give, and reminding the world that you matter, because loving yourself is the greatest act of defiance when you’re faced with an enemy who wants nothing more than for you to make yourself smaller, weaker, more amicable if it would please them. It’s the reminder to be gentle with yourself, no matter what battles you face, because caring for yourself is just as–if not more–important.

Xenia: Love for the Stranger

Hospitality is a massive part of many cultures, I personally had a relative (who has since passed) who would always have an open door for the poor families in their neighborhood and the stove would always have something cooking. My own mother will cook especially for you if you need her to. There’s a reason “Southern hospitality” is famous. Good food, good company, and ultimately safety are what sets Xenia among the categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks. In VLD, this form of love is very sparse in comparison to love such as Philia, however it’s extremely important that our heroes engage in it. To quote Coran, “70 percent of diplomacy is appearance. Then 29 percent is manners, decorum, formalities and chit-chat” (“Changing of the Guard”). The remaining one percent, which Allura notes, is actual diplomacy and fighting for freedom. That’s essentially what hosting, good and proper hosting, is. It’s taking someone into your home and providing them with material comforts and necessities such as food, as well as non-physical ones like safety or protection, or extending and respecting their rights.

A good host will anticipate their guests’ needs because they have a love for their fellow strangers, and they show that love by providing for them. Xenia is the love of the stranger who has taken up space in your home and respecting their need to do so, but it’s also a reciprocal love. By extending your hospitality to a person, they will be more inclined to do the same for you and yours in the future. In Greece it was a complicated dance of gift-giving and receiving, spurred by the belief that one would incur the wrath of a god in disguise. While offending the gods was a big fear, it’s important to remember that good hosting and good guesting will create a deep bond between both parties because you’re respecting one another. Respect your wayward traveler and welcome them into your home, and they will entertain you with tales from far away lands, and in the future you will find a place at their table. Respect your host and the space they provide you, and you’ll receive gifts and care fit for a god. This giving and receiving encourages goodwill between strangers, and providing care to someone you don’t know is an act of love in its own right.

There’s a rule in American food language: “never return an empty dish”. This rule is especially prevalent in the US South and Midwest regions, but the general idea is that when you meet someone new (i.e. a new neighbor) you bring them a dish of something to welcome them and introduce yourself. You make small-talk, help them get acquainted with the area, wish them well, and then go on your merry way. Then, once your new neighbor has settled, eaten the food you gave them, and had time to make something new, they come knocking on your door and return that dish to you with a new food in it.

That’s a facet of what Xenia can encompass, and we see Xenia acted out in three key ways in VLD: Allura recruiting people for the Voltron Coalition, Lotor hosting the Paladins during their alliance, and Hunk showing his care for others through cooking.

Allura, for all her charms, isn’t that great of a diplomat, especially in the beginning of the story. When she meets the Arusians, she accidentally informs them that their dance of apology isn’t enough, which then makes them think they need to sacrifice themselves on a pyre. She thankfully recovers and lets them continue the dance, and then invites them into the Castle of Lions later. With the leaders of the rebel planets, she has a good presence and is rather suave with her guests, however when attention moves off her and onto the Paladins, and when the question of Voltron comes up, it’s extremely difficult for her to take control of the situation again. The loss of Shiro was fresh, and she really didn’t have a good answer that would reveal they couldn’t form Voltron, so she struggled with taking control back. This isn’t an indictment on Allura, but it is meant to point out how Xenia is not easy to learn. As we follow the Paladins, however, Allura gains confidence in her ability to speak publicly, and as they gather more allies it becomes easier for her to encourage alliances. She goes from panicking and trying to keep Arusians from dying to being able to communicate with allies and command a room. Xenia doesn’t come as naturally to Allura as it does to Hunk, and Lotor has had millennia of practice, but the important thing about Xenia is that you extend your hand and make the effort, even if it’s a little clumsy, because in the end you’re caring about strangers and welcoming them into your home and telling them they have a place at your table.

However, where Allura falls short in Xenia, we see both Hunk and Lotor shine. Let’s examine Lotor’s expertise, first.

Lotor is ten thousand years old, and it’s implied he’s spent much of that time playing the political game of the Galra Empire, as well as learning about other planets. It’s canon that he has a thirst for knowledge, and so couple his curiosity with his need to survive a very blood-driven political environment and you have a golden host forged in fire. It’s difficult to surprise Lotor, since he’s pretty much always two steps ahead of everyone. When he forges an alliance with the Voltron Coalition after his victory at the Kral Zera, Lotor has banners hung that bear the same symbol that Zarkon and Alfor fought under, which also adorns the shield on Green’s back. He specifically sought to recall the good times between the Galra and Alteans, and personally greeted the Paladins on his flagship. He encourages the Paladins to explore and use whatever resources they need, because as their host, Lotor–and by extension the entire Galra Empire–is now at their disposal. He’s the ever-perfect host, inviting his lower-ranked guests to make themselves comfortable, and acknowledging Allura’s rank as princess and personally escorting her along. In a lot of other high fantasy or sci-fi stories, showing the heroes around would get palmed off to a servant of some sort, especially if the host is duplicitous. However, Lotor affords our Heroes and Heroines quite a bit of respect compared to what other characters in his place might do, even going so far as to offer his own personal time to the princess when he has an empire to claim still. Given the canon politics, Lotor logically should have been in constant communication with various officers and securing their loyalty to him, but instead he takes time to approach his new allies and make them feel welcome in the headquarters of their former-enemy.

So while Lotor is arguably the best example of good hosting I’ve ever seen in a show (without it turning out to be some sort of ploy), Hunk’s style of Xenia is equally good if in a different way. While Lotor is shown to essentially be a master of decorum, Hunk is a master in the kitchen and the art of making room for everyone at the table. Hunk has only been in space for a few months to a few years (depending on when in the series we’re talking), he hasn’t had the millennia to research planets and learn all their customs, or train in diplomacy to make up for any lack of education. He’s just a guy from Earth who likes to cook and who especially likes to cook for others. In all prior iterations of Voltron, Hunk has always been “the food guy” or “the slightly dumb, but lovable one”. It’s not particularly flattering, and VLD even pokes fun at how flat his character is historically in “The Voltron Show!” by adding fart gag noises. In VLD, however, we see that Hunk is intelligent and brave, if anxious, and he’s more at home in a home than he is in a Lion. Hunk is a good Paladin, but he is quite possibly the best diplomat in the whole show.

A large part of Hunk’s diplomacy lies in listening. When he’s out in the field, he’s quite possibly the best listener out of the entire team. When there are guests on the Castleship, or when the Alteans are on the IGF-Atlas, he doesn’t just listen, he welcomes them. In scenes from season 8, we really get to see this shine, because as Hunk says in “Day Forty-Seven”, “food has a way of reminding people of moments in time.” Bringing good memories with food can go a long way to putting stress and anger behind people.

Every person has a dish that, when prepared, makes them relax and think of happy memories. In Hunk’s kitchen, everyone eats, and nobody is unwelcome. Whether you’re Commander Lahn and working with Hunk to save your planet from devastating radiation, or you’re an Altean who just wants what’s best for your people, Hunk will meet you halfway and try to see things from your perspective, and offer you a cookie because he feels like it. Hunk’s Xenia is not wrapped up in protocol or etiquette. His Xenia is found just across the kitchen table, with a plate of warm food and a friendly conversation, ready to listen to your troubles and offer a hug, if not a solution.

Agape: Unconditional Love

Now that we have discussed the five prior categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks, let’s examine Agape, which can be difficult to conceptualize. “Agape” originates a Greek term, however it wasn’t used very often until Christianity came into the picture, and thus it encompasses far more than even xenia does, because while Xenia is love in the form of courtesy to travelers, Agape’s prevalent definition stems purely from the idea that God loves everyone unconditionally. In fact, “agape” is the term used in the Bible to describe the unconditional love of God, but when you translate it to English, the word simply becomes “love”, losing the weight that it carries in Greek.

The idea of unconditional and divine love is not unique to Christianity or the Ancient Greeks. Throw a rock in any direction and I’m sure you’ll find a culture with a similar concept to Agape. The key aspects of unconditional love is that it is sexless–meaning attraction is unnecessary to feel Agape–and that it is founded in goodwill for others. It feels cheap to throw the quote “love thine enemy” around in this section, because that discounts the importance of Philautia as we discussed it earlier in this essay, but at the end of the day that’s what Agape means. The Bible–which influences much of the definition of this kind of love–would have people forgive the ones who do them wrong, but forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and loving someone doesn’t require forgiving them either.

In VLD, a man loved a woman so much he tricked his closest friends and allies into opening a rift in an effort to save her life. In the process, they both died and revived, cursed with immortality and a thirst for destruction. Zarkon was a man who loved Honerva so much that he doomed the known universe to 10,000 years of his tyranny. Honerva, when she regained her memories, sought vengeance against Voltron for not just losing her son, but also because she blames everyone around her for being the reason why her own son rejected her time and time again. Honerva is the antithesis to Allura in pretty much every way, and in the edited season 8, Lotor is condemned to a cycle of abuse because he’s never offered an opportunity to speak, just like how he was violently silenced by his mother when he disobeyed his father on the colony planet in “Shadows”. Honerva, however, is not.

[ID: A screenshot of S8, featuring from left to right: Lance, Keith, Allura, “Shiro”, Pidge, and Hunk. They face Honerva, who is facing away from the audience so we see the back of her head and suit. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

[ID: A shot of “Allura”’s hand grasping Honerva’s wrist and vice versa. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

Allura being a paragon of growing into Philautia gives other characters the ability to do the same, but as @leakinghate notes in “Seek Truth in Darkness”, that is not Allura’s hand, just as that is not Shiro next to Allura in the prior screenshot. Allura is not the one who was most wronged by Honerva. She was asleep and hidden from the universe. Lotor, however, was subjected to centuries of abuse by the hands of his parents.

Agape is a complicated love, one that requires a person to be able to love everyone unconditionally, but love does not necessarily mean “forgive and forget”. It’s important that Allura impart the enlightenment she gained on her Heroine���s Journey, because this is the point where she can be at peace and claim her cosmic reward, but she cannot do so without the person who was most wronged being able to face his oppressor: Lotor.

[ID: A close-up shot of Lotor glaring at the audience, with the subtitle text reading, “maybe I will take pity on you when the time comes.” Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

As @leakinghate​ pointed out, Allura is the one to use her abilities to restore Honerva’s sense of self, but Lotor being present makes this confrontation all the more poignant and intense. This is the opportunity for us to see Agape in its full glory, but with the edits to the final season it’s a pale shadow of what could have been. The universe is about to be reborn because Allura and Lotor stay behind to repair the rift in all realities. We need that Philautia that Allura is able to embody, but we also need Agape. We’re shown countless times throughout the show that good and evil are not so clearly delineated, and that there are shades of gray everywhere. Lotor has been hurt so much by the one person alive who should have loved him unconditionally.

And rather than continue the cycle of abuse and take vengeance, he chooses to let go. We should have seen him take his power back, not in a godly or violent sense, but his power over his fate. He is not his father. And he is not his mother. He is more. By confronting her in this rift of all realities, we see the foreshadowing of season 6 come into full swing and while we are missing much of that original sequence between him and his mother, it’s important to realize that regardless of the content that was removed post-production, he takes pity on his mother in a sense. She’s a flawed person who made bad decisions. He does not owe her forgiveness, and he does not owe her love, but in her finally letting go of not just him but all the spirits of the original Paladins, Lotor himself is able to be free to love in the way he was denied: unconditionally.

The universe needs people who love themselves enough to choose a path of peace, and it needs to be made with the unconditional love of a parent, a friend, a lover, a god. It needs the eternal goodwill of its new creators because the people of the new universe will fuck up. They’ll make mistakes and hurt each other and Weblums will eat planets and the circle of life will continue. But being able to look at the fucked-up universe and say “I love you” is a power that not many have. It takes courage to look at the universe that has wronged you, wronged billions, hurt the found family that’s accepted you, and still find a way to love it.

The new universe is made of love just as the old one was. It’s made with passion, for friends, for family, for strangers, and for yourself. It’s made by people with love and hope and the intent to make the world they live in a little better every day. And that, ultimately, is the true love that spurs the story of VLD forward.

Stay tuned for a companion meta soon, in which we will discuss these forms of love and how they can be twisted and taken to unhealthy extremes.

Works Cited

Dos Santos, Joaquim and Montgomery, Lauren. Voltron: Legendary Defender. Netflix.

LeakingHate, et. al. “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away in VLD”. Team Purple Lion. 12 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/gay-romance-cut-voltron/

LeakingHate, et. al. “Seek Truth in Darkness”. Team Purple Lion. 2 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/seek-truth-in-darkness/ Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Eros”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3De%29%2Frws

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Philia”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Storge”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dstorgh%2F

“Self-love”. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-love

Payne, Will. “Botany for the Beginner”. Australian Plants Online. 2006. http://anpsa.org.au/APOL2006/aug06-s1.html

Potter, Ben. “The Odyssey: Be Our Guest With Xenia”. Classical Wisdom Weekly. 19 April 2013. Web. https://classicalwisdom.com/culture/literature/the-odyssey-be-our-guest-with-xenia/

@leakinghate​ @crystal-rebellion​ @felixazrael​ @voltronisruiningmylife​

[codename-wraith]

on wraith's real name.

i'm not sure if anyone's noticed, but in the way i portray wraith, she doesn't use her real name when thinking of herself. she uses her alias, 'wraith.' obviously, she doesn't know her name up until she discovers it in an audio clip in an IMC research facility, so it makes sense for her to only call herself wraith up until then. but a lot of what i'm writing happens after she's learned her name. why?

a couple things.

the name 'wraith' probably means more to her than her real name. i had a thought that the alias 'wraith' came to her because it was a word from her memories before she consented to the experiments that stuck with her -- though without any of its original context. project wraith was the name of the research she signed up for with singh.

on top of this, when you think of the definition of wraith, it's very fitting with her abilities, thoughts, personality, etc. she struggles with her identity, and maybe the thought of being something fleeting or ghost-like appeals to her. who knows, she's kinda emo/edgy.

she's also been using the alias since, at the latest, she joined the games. that's a long time. it's possible she thought of herself as wraith before the games, but that's just speculation. regardless, she's had this alias for a couple years, at least. it's practically her name.

on 'renee': when she discovers her real name, i don't think she automatically jumps to using it. i don't think she would share it with anyone, either (i'm not sure how canon the voidwalker event is, so i don't know if she learns her name alone or if she has a squad with her or if they have their own access, etc.). it doesn't fit her because it feels foreign and she's really surprised because she thought her life would make sense after learning her identity. but no, your identity is something you have to build, yourself. (a side note about this -- this could be why voidwalker wraith had given her such an indifferent answer when our wraith told her she wanted to know who she was. 'maybe one day you'll find what you're looking for.')

despite this. i think if there's ever a scenario where she becomes intimate with someone, whether platonically or romantically, she would tell them her name. make them keep it a secret, but have them use it for her in private. while 'wraith' is her name, it's still impersonal. if there's anyone she would want to call her by her real name, it would be someone special to her -- whoever that may end up being. and who knows. maybe, eventually, she would open herself up to others and really consider herself 'renee.'

[arpwrites]

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Self-discovery: You | Current Path | Potential

Self-discovery: Life Purpose | What Qualities | Action

Self-discovery: Needs | Wants | Fears

Self-discovery: Past Self | Present Self | Future Self

Self-discovery: Lesson You Need | Why | Action

Past: What Worked | What Didn’t | Key Lessons

Healing: Cords to Cut | Heal your Heart | Nurture Yourself

Healing: Be Aware | Remember | Let Go

Future: Aspiration | Obstacle | Solution

Future: What Helps | What Hinders | Unrealized Potential

Relationship: Intentions | Trustworthy? | Advice

Relationship: Teach Me | Need from Me | Relationship

Relationship: You | The Other Person | Nature of Relationship

Relationship: Soulmate? | Need to Know | Will it Last?

Relationship: Your Wants | Their Wants | Where It’s Heading

Relationship: Strength | Weakness | Obstacle

Relationship: Pulls Together | Pushes Apart | Needs Attention

Relationship: Conflict | Areas of Agreement | Resolution

Relationship: Outer Conflict | Inner Conflict | Relationship

Relationship: Real Issue | Next Action | Ultimate Destination

Conflict: The Nature of a Problem | The Cause | The Solution

Conflict: False Issue | Real Issue | Your Role

Conflict: Why | What | Resolution

Decision-making: Strengths | Weaknesses | Advice

Decision-making: Opportunities | Challenges | Outcome

Decision-making: Yes Outcome | No Outcome | Maybe Outcome

Decision-making: Option 1 | Option 2 | Option 3

Decision-making: Solution 1 | Solution 2 | How to Choose

Decision-making: Best Case | Worst Case | Probable Outcome

Decision-making: Choice | Pros | Cons

Career: Hobby | Possible Career Development | First Step

Career: Opportunities | Distractions | Action

Career: Job Positives | Job Negatives | Change - to +

Career: Pros of Quitting | Cons | Advice

Career: New Career Suggestion | Advice | Outcome of Quitting

The Monster Inside for $6. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to identify the darkest aspect of your self, the area of your life it most affects, your inner demon, how you understand/accept/heal from it, what actions you can take to overcome it and grow, and the possible outcome.

Love Me, Love Me Not for $9. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to see how your crush feels about you, whether a relationship would work, how to attract them, how dating them would be, whether you should confess, and whether they’ll play a special role in your life.

Knock Knock. It’s the Universe, Asshole for $9. As many cards as required will be drawn to know what the universe thinks you need to know at this moment. What does it want to tell you? What advice does it have for you? 

I’m BTS’s XXX for $9. This reading is strictly for fun and entertainment purposes! As many cards as required will be drawn to see what kind of relationship you’d have which your chosen member of BTS and how you’d meet if your paths were to cross. 

Yoda on the Loose for $12. A minimum of 10 cards are drawn for general advice about yourself, your mind, body, spirit, friends and family, romance, hobbies, career, finances, and challenges.

It’s My Year, Bitches for $15. A minimum of 12 cards are drawn for your previous year in summary, what you’ve learned from the past year, what you aspire to in the next twelve months, what empowers you to reach it, what may stand in your way, relationships and emotions in the upcoming year, career and work and finances, health and well-being, spiritual energy and inner fulfillment, what you need to focus on for the year ahead, most important lesson in the upcoming year, and where you’re headed overall in the coming twelve months. Well suited for birthdays and New Year’s.

Know Thyself to Know the Universe for $21. A minimum of 15 cards are drawn to find out your best and worst qualities, what makes you attractive, your needs and wants, how you love and how you need to receive love, the type of partner that would best fit you, the key lesson you’re supposed to learn in this lifetime, and your purpose of existence.

@Cupid Watch Out Sweaty for $30. A minimum of 20 cards are drawn for an in-depth relationship spread about the true you in context of your role in the relationship, the true them, how they see you, how you see them, the past of the relationship if applicable, where it stands now, what lies in store for the future, what brings you together, what pulls you apart, your wants, their needs, challenges, how to love each other etc.

Let me know if you have any questions! I look forward to reading for you :^)

Sources: Several spreads are by Biddy Tarot, My Wandering Fool, Lunar Cafe, Self Tarot while others are my own. Do not steal my spreads, ask me for permission first.

Note: Do not use the copy from this post for personal or commercial purposes. Use it as a guideline to write your own with visible, explicit credit that has a working link back to this blog.

[destinychose-a1]

[Hak] A through L! :3c

*    valentine’s day alphabet  /  accepting!

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Hak doesn’t exactly show his affection in obvious ways. More often than not, it comes in the form of carrying something heavy for the person in question, leaping headfirst into danger in order to protect them, bringing them food, sitting quietly by their side when they need company, offering words of encouragement, or ( in Jae-Ha’s case ) engaging in some good-natured roughhousing.

In rare instances, Hak displays moments of gentleness and can sometimes engage in more obvious acts affection — hugs, hair ruffles, kisses pressed to forehead / eyebrows / eyelids / cheeks / nose / chin ( this is typically saved for Yona or anyone he’s developing romantic feelings for ), hand-holding, carefully bandaging a wound, propping the other person up… It’s a list that continues to grow as he also grows and finds himself surrounded by more people that he loves and cares about.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Not particularly. Hak doesn’t dislike flowers, but he doesn’t exactly pay attention to them either beyond thinking they look nice. However, he does find himself drawn to red flowers, as they fondly remind him of a certain Princess.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Hak’s sweet tooth might as well be nonexistent. He’s much more geared towards bitter, sour or spicy savoury food ( he’s very fond of meat in particular ), so to that end he’d probably enjoy dark chocolate if he had to eat any ( the more bitter, the better ), but he tends to avoid the stuff in general terms.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

First things first, Hak is not big on romance, so he has no real clue of what a ‘date’ should even entail, much less what’s considered romantic. His idea of an ideal date ranges from sparring to going out to eat a good meal, naturally with people he cares about or enjoys being around. 

Even when taking his feelings for Yona into account, he doesn’t really think about things he’d like to do with her, as he tends to bury everything pretty deep and has convinced himself that his feelings will never be reciprocated/that he’ll never be with her anyway, so what’s the point?

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Up until recently, Hak would never have called himself a hugger. He still isn’t, for all intents and purposes, but he’s certainly more receptive to giving them and receiving them now that he has people around him that he cares about. To Hak, hugs are typically an expression of relief or an attempt to offer comfort in times of pain — they’re brief, one-armed, often accompanied with a firm squeeze, his face hidden away against the other person’s hair or shoulder. 

To Hak, hugging is a sign of vulnerability, but he’s starting to get better about showing that side to himself.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Hak is not a flirter and he should never, ever be allowed to. If he’s genuinely attempting to flirt, chances are it’ll fall flat on its face: he’s awkward, stilted, blunt and very rarely strikes the right tone. He’s more likely to insult the person he’s trying to flirt with than charm them.

However, when he doesn’t try, Hak can be pretty masterful with words. Casualness is his best asset, without a doubt.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

At this point, if you expect anything romantically orientated from Hak, you’ll be sorely disappointed, and that, of course, extends to gift-giving. While he tends to understand his companions well enough to know what they like, he’s still fairly stumped when it comes to buying something he thinks they’ll enjoy. Typically, much like with flirting, he’ll accidentally end up insulting the person he’s buying for or strike completely the wrong tone with the gift he buys.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

Very slow. Hak doesn’t fall easily and he certainly doesn’t make his feelings very obvious ( or, at least, he likes to think he doesn’t ). While he’s not afraid of falling in love with someone, he is a little reluctant about it — he doesn’t like feeling as though he’s not in control of his actions, or that he’s somehow more vulnerable for loving someone, hence his determination to keep his feelings buried. It takes a lot for him to accept and openly admit to his romantic feelings for another person for those exact reasons.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

It’s not a case of Hak finding it easy or hard to say, but rather that he very rarely sees the need to. To him, actions speak much louder than words ever could, and that’s typically how he prefers to conduct himself. There’s also the fact that he’s content to keep his feelings close to his chest and is often prepared for them to remain unvoiced — so long as the subject of his affections lives safely and happily, his own feelings towards them are inconsequential, and he will always prioritise them over himself.

However, he’s not above being driven to the point of admitting his feelings in a passionate outburst, particularly if it’s grown impossible to ignore. 

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Even if he’s aware it’s not entirely a rational thing, Hak does sometimes get jealous. It’s something he’s aware of and working on — jealousy is an ugly feeling, one he doesn’t enjoy experiencing. It often comes from his own insecurities as opposed to distrust in his partner. He won’t ever take his feelings of jealousy out on his partner ( he’s much more likely to talk things through with them, albeit awkwardly and while making it pretty clear that he’s unhappy to be feeling such things in the first place ), but the same cannot be said for a third party, especially if they’re getting a little too close to his partner for comfort.

While he’s not exactly possessive and tends to keep a very strong hold on these kinds of negative feelings, he’s not very good at sharing his partner’s attention is he’s feeling needy.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Surprisingly, despite his inexperience, Hak isn’t half bad when it comes to kissing. He’s an unexpected mix of gentle but passionate, and ( regardless of what canon might have us believe ) he never attempts to force his affections on his partner when they’re unwanted. He’s extremely attentive and aware of them, responding to their reactions ( whether that entails backing off or letting things continue ) with great care and displays great restraint when things start moving too fast before either of them are ready. 

He tends to excel at kissing as it doesn’t involve words that can be misconstrued or taken out of context — to Hak, it’ll always be easier to speak without words and convey the true extent of his feelings in this manner.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

In romantic terms: Yona. There’s little more that can be said beyond that — he has and will continue to do anything in his power to keep her safe, see her smiling and help her grow.

Platonically, he loves Jae-Ha, Kija, Shin-Ah, Yoon and Ao more than life itself. He’d do anything for them without question, much like he would with Yona. They’re his family. Anyone foolish enough to attempt to bring them harm won’t be afforded the luxury of his mercy.

[naruhearts]

@itsdeanwinchester *waves* idk if you remember sending me an inbox msg last week. I had a nice reply going with a few of my fave moments and was ready to add onto it tomorrow, so I saved it as a draft in the app.

Because it’s 1:27AM and I didn’t save to Google docs, Tumblr ate both your question and my reply, sorry!

Anyway, let’s get on with it!

- - - -

^^ This. They talk. The spousal-coded domesticity and general offscreen routines between Dean and Cas deliberately increased over the seasons since Dabb Not-So-Subtle Destiel Era S12, and now they’ve become more blatant/on-the-nose from S13 to present. A few of my personal faves:

Cas and Dean watching movies together/Dean making Cas watch his favourite cowboy movies

Cas knowing Dean is “an angry sleeper...like a bear” and Cas implied as making his coffee in the mornings (recalling that Cas doesn’t sleep)

Related to the above, Dean’s mancave as D/C-coded by brilliant Jerry Wanek — additionally a plausibly romantic contrast to platonic Joey/Chandler’s living space (consistent romantic vs familial narrative, where Destiel are like brothers but more than brothers, and platonic situations are subverted into/further contrasted with romantic ones on the show) — with Sam, who’s never seen it before and was first introduced to it in 13x16 compared to Cas, who knew its location when he returned to the bunker after his Tree of Life mission. One can suspect that the mancave was built late S12/pre-Cas 12x23 death/post-13x05. The rest of the room’s setup veers into headcanon territory (i.e. Cas helping Dean move the pool tables in, construct a pop cultural environment -- let’s be real, they can’t build a perfect mancave in a single day/night unless they had no hunts or urgent matters to attend to in-between, and it seems likely that making the room took place over time; maybe Dean probably wanted to surprise Cas after he was resurrected, maybe Dean gave Cas the mixtape in the mancave if it was created pre-12x23, alongside the bedroom or the Impala as more feasible locations for an intimate mixtape gifting exchange; anyway, Dean could’ve given Cas the tape anywhere etc), but the solid fact remains that TPTB went out of their way to narratively stress Sam and Cas’ differing reactions/relationships to Dean’s mancave (Dean himself) based off of TFW’s complex personalities and patterns. Is Sam the type of person to spend a lot of time in there? Why are there two chairs instead of one, if the mancave was specifically made for TFW bonding circle-jerks (no pun intended)? The latter logically adds up with Sam first seeing the mancave vs Cas. Don’t forget the visual narrative—

—in that Sam is excluded, conveyed as an independent person apart from D/C the unit (which we’ve repeatedly seen since S12/13). Voila, Dean and Cas are standing behind each ugly plaid chair. 

p.s. Dean’s Halloween dress-up suggestions of Thelma/Louise and Bert/Ernie in 14x04, with Bert/Ernie as best friends and highly-likely-or-even-confirmed-gay-couple — and familial bro Sam responding to Dean’s suggestions with “That’s weird” — thus reminds viewers of, again, the varying nature of Sam and Cas’ relations to Dean. Both pop culture pairings subtextually make sense within the romantic Dean and Cas context.

Also, Eldritch bunker, because where the heck is the mancave located? :P

SPN Blatant Mirror City 14x04: Dean mirror Dirk saying that A. Stuart the Cas mirror is his best friend (with the exact nature of their relationship purposely veiled), and B. him and Stuart watch movies and eat pizza together, highlighting 13x06 and 13x16; persistently linked to Cas = Pizza Man/pizza subtext and continuous interpersonal romance-coded bonding via beer and food with Dean’s telling reaction:

“We’d just eat pizza and watch movies. It’s...zen.”

“Sounds like a good friend.”

And I mean, Perez penned both 14x04 and 13x06, intentionally poking at us to fill in the concurrent subtextual blanks. Dean and Cas are best friends, first and foremost. And they’re also more. Storytelling always builds on previous emotional threads to flesh out and establish long-running themes like Love and...Love (corroborate pre-existing romantic subtext), and when you have these explicitly parallel characters Dirk and Stuart maintaining emotional links to the mytharc (e.g. brave and kind Dirk defending his family, Stuart and Sam mirror Samantha, from Toxic Father John Winchester mirror David (literal Hunter) Yeager and standing up to him), it’s the most relevant.

Just recently in 14x16: Dean telling Sam early AM about Cas’ whereabouts before the general household is even awake, implying that either Cas told him in the evening or let him know in the morning (face-to-face) or text/phone call

These are all canon.

Again, exactly...regardless of whether or not Dean and Cas’ subtextual inexplicably romantic narrative is textually confirmed, the UNDENIABLE take-home message -> Dean and Cas are best friends and spend time together — more than we’re explicitly shown onscreen (Misha/Cas haters/brosonlies who continue to insist otherwise are still ignoring canon); D/C will reach full mutual transparency.

Positive Endgame’s arrived and I’m cautiously optimistic! 

[rachello344]

A glossary of fandom terms that have either been taken from literary criticism (incorrectly) or that I use that are either no longer in use or have... different definitions now.

If anyone has any terms they’d like to see added or words you come across that have confused you, please drop me a line.  I’d be happy to add to this whenever.  It’ll all be under a readmore so that I can edit it when needed.  ^^

Discourse--Literally a discussion, like, the act of discussing.  That’s it.  More specifically, people will say, “the novel here participates in one of the many discourses on gender” or something like that.  Essentially linking one occurrence to a wider conversation.  Literature and Media do not exist in a vacuum, but neither can one work make a trend, but I’ll get to that. Just call it wank or meta.  Use the words we have, don’t take words from academia, especially when you don’t understand their context.

Romance--One of many genres of fiction.  This is a story that centers around a romantic relationship between two or more characters.  I could tell you about how all genres are crutches and constructs we assign to make ourselves feel better, but that might be moving too fast.  For now, what’s important is what a romance isn’t.  A romance is NOT some kind of idealist model that must serve as a positive example for the Youth.  That would be Utopian Romance fiction (which is boring because stories need conflict, but that’s my own opinion on the matter).  A romance only needs the major plot conflicts to hinge around the romantic (as in not platonic, this could be love or lust or some combination thereof) relationships between its characters.  Pride and Prejudice is a romance.  Captive Prince is a romance.  The Foxhole Court, while containing a romantic subplot, is not a romance.  Harry Potter is not a romance.  A story can have romance without being a romance.  Compare romantic comedies with action movies, as an example.  But, don’t think that a romance can’t be tense or unhealthy or whatever.  Fifty Shades is also a romance, remember.  If you wrote out the Joker and Harley Quinn’s story, only focusing on them, their story would be a romance.  It’s more complicated than that, obviously, and there’s nuance, but I think you get the picture.  Regardless of your moral views on the love depicted, a romance is nothing more or less than a story about the development of a romantic relationship.

Fetishization--I hate seeing this word thrown around.  This literally means that something has been made into a fetish object on a cultural level.  You can have the fetishization of purity in American culture, for example.  And you can have the fetishization of homosexual relationships in pornography intended for heterosexual audiences.  However.  A single work of fiction is not fetishizing anything.  It may contribute to an overall trend, but this is not a word to use for single entities.  This is a cultural trend word.  Sure, it can be used for subcultures, but whenever I see this word used, it’s used to mean that some work of fiction or other is bad for displaying a queer sexual relationship in any kind of (perceived) perverse way.  Please stop using this word incorrectly.  As a kind of burgeoning critical theorist (i.e. English grad student), it is incredibly frustrating.  You’re using words you don’t understand in ways that undermine the hard work being done by people in my field.  Unless you’re going to read Marx and Lukacs and learn what the word “reification” means, I think you should use another word. In most cases, what is meant is that some group people don’t like are showing an interest in something perceived as not belonging to them, whether that’s true or not.  I think if we unpack that a little, we can all find better ways to phrase things.  Fetishization is an accusation thrown around, not the analysis it’s meant to be.  And, frankly, it needs to stop.

Normalization--This is thrown around so often I hardly know where to begin.  This is not a word that can be used for a single object, again.  This is a word meant for trends.  For example, we could talk about the fact that male violence in our culture is normalized and so no longer taken as seriously as it should be.  A fictional work depicting something you don’t like in a way you perceive as positive and uncritical does not mean that it’s normalizing it.  A single crime procedural does not normalize crime.  You could say that the trend of always showing cops to be in the right, no matter the extreme actions they take, normalizes the liberties they take in the real world, making it difficult to speak out against police brutality and other such abuses.  But again, that’s the genre as a whole--procedural cop dramas could all contribute, but one of them is not going to be normalizing on its own.  That isn’t how that works. Just say that you find whatever it is unpleasant to read because of X or Y trope.  Or talk about how the TROPE is normalizing something.  That’s totally legitimate.  The trope of X normalizes Y behavior in Z culture/situation/etc. and this is harmful because W.

Romanticization--This does not mean that something bad is shown in a romantic light.  This is another big trend word.  Cultural myths about heterosexual marriage and related gender roles contribute to the romanticization of domestic abuse.  A single work of fiction depicting an abusive relationship in any kind of perceive positive light is not romanticizing abuse.  Cultural narratives about women needing to be convinced can romanticize the act of rape, especially from the male perspective.  One work of fiction cannot do this.  It has to be on at least a genre level, if not cultural or societal.  Again, subcultural too, but you have to make the argument apply outward. The BL/Yaoi trope of having a Seme character force an openly reluctant Uke character into sex romanticizes sexual assault.  One BL using the trope can contribute to it, but it isn’t romanticizing anything on its own.  It’s not powerful enough to be capable of that.

Wank--The word once used to describe what is now called “discourse.”  It’s usually a circle jerk of complaints about some fandom or another or the people in it.  Every example of so called discourse I have ever seen was actually just wank wearing a new hat.  Don’t put on airs or borrow credibility.  Call a spade a spade.

Meta--Analysis on a series or character.  Some of these are better reasoned than others, but the only way to truly rate them is in how well they use their evidence (and how much evidence they have) to support whatever claim they make.  These are often essays, but can be a couple paragraphs, sometimes with pictures as evidence along with quotes from the source.  Some “discourse” falls into this, but only very rarely.  Most people call meta either meta or analysis instead.

BNF--Big Name Fan.  This is THE person in your fandom, generally an artist, occasionally a fic writer or other content creator.  You’ll know them when you see them.  This is the person everyone follows.  Their headcanons are so widely accepted that they almost always become fanon (whether you like it or not).  Some of these people are super nice and use their powers for good.  Others can become divas, mad with the power the fandom has given them.  Regardless, there is almost always drama brewing around them (whether they like it or not, unfortunately). I recently saw some commenting on people actually asking other fans for permission to hold certain headcanons.  Someone with that power is a BNF.  That is a TRADEMARK of a BNF.  Their fandom credibility and respect is so high that people see them as some kind of authority figure.  Be wary of people who go along with this.  They’re not to be trifled with, and frankly, it’s safer not to engage.

TPTB--The Powers That Be, otherwise known as the writers/producers/creators of any given series.  These are the people that create Canon and produce Word of God.

Canon--Anything that explicitly happened in the confines of a series.  Basically, the events of any given series in whatever form the standard is.  I.E. episodes of a TV show, books in a book series, etc.

Fringe Canon--Works that are connected to the series in question, but not part of the standard form.  Often includes movies, novelizations, guide books, etc.  Can be considered canon, but isn’t something every fan will see/have access to, so can’t really be considered The Canon.  Can also includes things that are implicit in the text, so something that can be argued in meta but that not everyone will agree on.

Word of God--Something said by TPTB that remains outside of canon.  I.E. interviews, panels, and other things said at conventions or for PR.  Common mantra, “PR is not showrunning” meaning that Word of God often has little to do with what happens within the series. Example:  Some sub-textual evidence of Dumbledore being gay does not make his being gay canon (it makes it fringe canon, imo).  Rowling saying that he was gay in an interview is here considered Word of God.  You can take it or leave it, because no one in the series says the words “Dumbledore was gay” or any other variation that would make it explicit canon.

Headcanon--Something that you decide about a character.  This isn’t canon and often has no strong basis in canon.  It can include sexuality, gender, religion, favorite color, anything not covered by canon.  You can also have headcanons that contradict canon.

Fanon--Headcanons that have become Too Powerful.  These are things, good or bad, that have been accepted by a probably absurd number of people.  Some of these can be great, especially when the series has some seriously bad writing, but if you find yourself disagreeing, this can be the worst thing you ever have to deal with.  Especially when people who subscribe to it insist on its being canon...

Ship--Any feasible romantic relationship, canon or non-canon.  There are of course platonic variants, but those are usually specified (broship, brotp, etc.).  Most often two people, but more recently polyshipping has come into vogue. To Ship (v.)--For me, this does not apply to canon ships no matter if I like them or not.  Shipping is transformative.  To me, more than anything, shipping (as a verb) means you consume or create transformative media centered around that relationship (most often non-canon or not explicit canon, but could include canon, it just needs to be an active not passive interest in the relationship).

Canon Ship--The series endgame, usually (but not always!) straight.  This is an explicit couple.  They are in a relationship.  They kiss (or something) on screen.  You can still take it or leave it, but that doesn’t stop it from being canon.

Rare Pair--This is a ship that has some basis in canon, but is extremely unpopular.  Some people include anything with less than a certain number of fic on Ao3, but it varies by fandom.  I’ve been into rare pairs with less than 10 fic written for them, so anything around 500 still seems like quite a bit in comparison.  Your Mileage May Vary (YMMV), but you’ll know it when you see it.

Crack Ship--These people have probably never spoken.  There is no reason for them to be in a relationship other than the fan’s preference (often aesthetic or story-related).  A crack ship is often random and completely baseless.  A crack ship is not simply a ship that won’t be canon.  Most ships will never be canon.  This goes beyond that into the ridiculous.  As a recent example, Keith x Zarkon would be a crack ship, while Keith x Hunk is perfectly reasonable (if rare).

Multi-shipping--Shipping characters together without a strong preference for one combination over another.  For example, shipping your fave with every possible romantic partner, not just one (or more in a polyship).  This includes Everyone x Character type things, not just “I could ship them with literally anyone.”  Both count.

OTP--One True Pairing.  The ship you love above all others, canon or not.  For me, I have exactly one of these per fandom, but I know other people use it differently now.  This used to mean that you ship the thing exclusively.  You might like art for other ships with the characters in this OTP, but you’re not that into it.  This used to be THE ship.  The characters in this OTP were not shipped with others, and other relationships were used for jealousy or plot reasons, not usually because you enjoy the other ships.  This is the ship you go to war about.

OT#--Same as above, but there are more than two people involved.  So, the one polyship you hold above all other ships (poly or not).

BrOTP--Platonic version of the above.  These are the ride or die friendships of the series.  You don’t see them as in love, but they absolutely love each other.  There’s devotion and loyalty and affection--or you just think their friendship is the best/greatest/funniest and you don’t see them ever ending up together romantically.  You want these characters to be BFFs, not lovers.

[rorykillmore]

1, 8 and 11 for moriarty, 3 and 5 for megs, 6 for izzie, 10 for tess!

for moriarty

1. How does your character feel about personal space?  Do they tend to make others uncomfortable with how close they get, or are they the ones constantly being uncomfortable with anyone getting too close to them? Or do they not care either way?

she doesn’t feel an inherent need to be close to other people, nor is she particularly unsettled by people being close to her -- she’s a hard person to intimidate or make uncomfortable. and given how terrifyingly good she is at reading people, she typically knows when she’s making them uncomfortable, too.

physical closeness or contact is a tool, essentially, just like everything else. she’s certainly not beyond using it to intimidate someone, but she usually draws upon it for smaller reactions: she’s generally curious about how people react to it, to her.  and unexpected closeness can be a good way of catching people off guard, making their little body language tells easier to read.

but most of the time it comes off as pretty innocuous -- she’s more likely to make use of a positive reaction over a negative one (she is inevitably a bit of a... seductress, even in the platonic sense, should someone indicate to her that they crave or enjoy her attention or affection).

8. Describe how your character deals with failed or failing relationships, whether familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, or otherwise.  Do they easily let go of people, or are they more likely to hold onto a relationship for as long as they can? Does this affect how they form relationships?

this is... a super complicated question because relationships, for moriarty, are super complicated. she doesn’t believe she’s capable of forming them conventionally, at least not with most people, so when she inevitably has to cut someone off (or when they get upset when they realize she’s used or betrayed them, whichever comes sooner), it’s not... personal for her? that a relationship might fail is the expected outcome for her, in the first place. she doesn’t angst over individual people or losses very often, though she is genuinely lonely, and oftentimes finds her isolation frustrating.

but that just means when she does forge a rare, meaningful connection, she starts playing a completely different game -- those are the ones she’s almost incapable of letting go of, regardless of how much they might alter or change. like, she revealed herself as sherlock’s sworn nemesis and went to jail and yet still corresponded with him through letters for months. and also devoted a significant portion of her time to painting a detailed portrait of watson. so.

11. Just for fun: If your character was the protagonist of a fantasy RPG, what would their class be?

i wanna say thief just because, like... she fucking would. she’d go for a pragmatic and useful and obnoxious class over one that’s outright offensive, probably. but alternatively something ranged, like an archer or something.

for megs

3. Would your character have fun in an art museum?  Or would they be bugging their friends to leave the whole time?

assuming it was an earth art museum, no. he would be baffled and impatient and possibly mildly offended by its existence. i just don’t feel... a lot of human art would impress him or make sense to him in a cultural context, and it’d also be too quiet yet crowded of a location for him to really feel at ease there.

he has, however, developed a cautious respect and appreciation for writing. thanks, thundercracker.

5. Does your character tend to make decisions based on instincts or “gut feelings,” or do they rely more on logic and careful consideration? Do they ever try to find a balance between the two?

he’s really shaped himself to rely more on the latter -- on scheming and strategy. you can’t base your decisions on impulse and sentiment in war, after all. at his best, his most motivated, that’s still what he relies on: he’s a brilliant tactician, at his core.

buuut that being said, currently he’s without a goal or cause to align himself to, and he’s also just in a bit more of an... unstable place. he has a lot of anger that he doesn’t know what to do with, and a learned reliance on violence, so currently on denny he’s... still learning how not to lash out. it can be pretty easy to provoke him into reacting with threats and violence, as we saw with laura.

for izzie

6. Is your character easily creeped out by ghost stories, horror movies, scary images, etc.? If so, what kinds of stories scare them the most? Why?

izzie loves scary movies and stories, but in like... the sense that she likes to be scared by them. she’s the kind of person who’ll startle and then laugh after a jump scare, or yell at the television screen when a protagonist is making a bad decision. she gets very into it.

she does favor more grounded stuff though, as a doctor. slashers, serial killer movies, that kind of thing. and she likes a good zombie movie, but anything much more over the top and supernatural than that fails to be as effective where she’s concerned.

she enjoys a good epidemic/disaster movie just to point out the medical inaccuracies, and she’s impressively unfazed/sometimes delighted by gore. time for her and knock out to go to a drive-in.

for tess

10. If your character emptied the contents of their pockets/purse/backpack/etc., what would be inside? Do they often have a lot of stuff on them from day to day, or are they light packers?

tess isn’t one to keep much in her pockets (barring maybe concealing a weapon somewhere, depending on circumstances) but she does have a bag (like a fancy bag, probably) and its contents are... for the most part, pretty average. her phone, sometimes her tablet, a compact and some makeup for touch-ups, maybe some hand lotion or something... some money, credit cards, and usually something to write with?

buuut there are also minuscule signs of her paranoia: she brings a taser and mace with her... pretty much everywhere she goes. and if she’s going somewhere like the icc building, or another potentially dangerous place, she tends to arm herself a little more heavily.

if she’s not wearing her (now dead) best friend from college’s old bracelet (which she usually is), it’s somewhere close, so sometimes that’s in there too.

[buildingrelationshipsinanarchy]

With this newfound knowledge of myself, my desire to explore M/s. it made me feel as if it conflicted with my stance on non-hierarchical polyamory and RA. Ironically enough, I think hierarchy would work better for me. Noticing more and more certain tendencies I have in relationships and ideals I try to live up in the moment, I think, for myself, hierarchy provides for me a sense of rootedness. On an episode of PolyWeekly (which I'll try to find a post a link here) had Koe-Creation featured as a guest and something she said has resonated with me for about a year. She, being some raised in a hierarchical poly family though practicing RA-styled relationships, believed that hierarchy, while being a tool that has entrenched couples privilege in some contexts, could be used more progressively and openly as a tool for relationship focus. And that was what struck me, this idea of trying to find in my relationships what we were aiming toward as partners in a relationship. We're we trying to get married, possibly start a family, and cohabitate? Was I desiring a certain degree of closeness with one partner, while enjoy a certain distance and schedule with another? Did I want to entwine my life with any or multiple partners of mine, or were they casually in my life as my own work/life schedule allowed less room for anything more? This reading of poly hierarchy, doesn't use it as a system of value judgment or refuse to acknowledge personal fears, insecurities, or hard truths and circumstances. For me, I see it providing a kind of stability within my life.

For the last couple months I've been busier than ever, having only a couple of half days of from either work or school, while maintaining 2 relationships and caring for my ailing father (who recently passed Feb 12th). Knowing that Monday nights I spent with one partner, Tuesday's with another, saw my father on Thursday afternoons and had my best friend help me out with domestic stuff Sunday Mornings has been keeping me alive and sane while my schedule demands so much out of me. This setup worked for everyone, which was a blessing, but more than that it, it kept me from being emotionally drained or exhausted. Knowing that this was happening regardless of how my week was going gave me a since of peace and excitement. This felt like a kind of prioritization, and knowing that I had (and could give) priority over those times in our respective schedules mattered a lot to me.

As someone whose had to deal with being blindsided with abandonment from friends, lovers, and family members, this level of priority and commitment speaks to a part of me that has felt those pains could've been avoided, or relationships improved if those people took harder looks at themselves, put more effort into the relationship (rather than simply ghosting out), or found a solution didn't require leaving the relationship/situation the way they thought they did. I've very big on living intentionally and I take my relationships with the utmost importance when those people bring real value, joy, love, compassion, etc. into my life. I go above and beyond and will not hesitate to put them first in my life. But how can I give the depth, passion, commitment and determination for success/fulfillment that I have and desire to if my arrangements have no place, use, or desire for that? Where will I receive the same when I am needing it? I'm looking for life partners, whether platonic, romantic, sexual or a blend of those. I'm a broke black college student, 22 years old, with school & work fulltime. I want people in my life to band and build together with. I don't want life to happen and us just hope to survive with our relationships and goals/dreams intact; that's the shit that needs you to ensure it to happen. There is no room for passivity where there can be improvements made, this could be better, and where it is already beautiful, it can be tended to. Relationships just dont fall apart, if they seem to, its due to neglect, which is something someone can do something about.

But I digress, the reason I think I'd prefer hierarchy is beacuse I am concerned mainly about relationship maintenance and sustainability. In other words, once we know where we are compatible, and have found a beautiful rhthymn: how do we keep that music cultivated and flowing? and what is it that should/needs to be done in order to accomplish that? If our relationship is an oak tree, how close can we plant this to the riverbank, so that it can be nurtured and grow deep strong roots? How do we avoid triggers and build confidence in each other and our relationship? What does our self care look like and how can we contribute/support each others. What can I do, on a consistent basis, to make you feel validated, special, loved, meaningful; should I simply tell you?, are there certain actions that communicate that?, do you just want to be held?, etc. I want to build trust, partnership, growth. I want responsibility, work, service to give to you, whom I love/care for. I'm not trying to utilize hierarchy as a means of protecting myself from a choatic world, but as a tool to organize, manage, and fulfill the commitments I am happy to have made. This isnt fear or controlling-ness talking as much as it is the application of the knowledge that beautiful things can enter into your life, but if you desire to keep those things beautiful, one must find a way to maintain them. If I am loved, but not also loving, how long do you think that will last? If I am honest, but not also compassionate, how good do you think this could be for us? Quality comes from knowing where & on what to focus.

Even as I am currently single (I've recently transitioned both relationships into something less entwined for me), I still utilize one of the main principle of RA (as understood in the Polyfesto), that each relationship will find its own rhythm in it's own time; even if through time that rhythm must change to accomodate life as it changes. That is what I am committed to: the process of our authentic, organic development. Finding and refinding who we are, that we may be that to each other, at this/that time, as earnestly and consistently as we can. If you need a friend, I got you; need some good dick and to be held when you cry, I got you; need someone to help you move or search for a job, I got you. We will be what we are whhile we are together, and so long as we are consistently opening up, showing up, being our honest and authentic selves, we will find what that looks like and relish in how that gets to feel. Nothing is promised, but at least while we have what we have, you know I gave what I had without fear, without regret, without holding back.

[aboutthemponies]

About clop and the sexualizing of ponies

This is not something easy to write about. The subject I’ll be discussing is controversial, and it hits hard on an emotional level. Any attempt to discuss it usually is barred down by every kind of bias and logical fallacy in the book. Yet every time the subject is brought up, my mind screams with unspoken arguments and dialogue, and they haunt me, to the point that I’ve written and scrapped this essay many times. What follows is my best attempt to discuss this, and while it might not be perfect, I will finally be at ease sharing these words, knowing that I tried my best.

The subject is clopping, so if you’re not willing to have a mature, adult conversation at the moment, it’s best to stop reading now. Most of you are probably well familiar with the C word, though there will always be some who aren’t, so to be brief, a long time ago on the forums of 4chan, there was a set of “rules” declared that the internet must follow. While most of these rules are forgotten (you can look them up if you want), one stands out infamously. “Rule 34: There is porn of it; no exceptions.” R34 (as it is frequently abbreviated) is very much more like the law of gravity than a rule; there is no denying it nor its implications. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is not the exception of this rule, but rather the most prominent example of it. Tens of thousands of pornographic images of MLP characters exist, and there’s so much of it that MLP probably has more porn than any other fandom in existence.

Most people’s reaction to this fact is polar. In one camp we have the audience of this porn, which takes delight in its existence, and in the other camp, we have those who don’t view it and think it’s pretty messed up. This isn’t to say there is no middle ground in between; like all dichotomies, the reality is more of a spectrum, but for the most part, people’s opinions lie on the ends of this spectrum. Either you’re glad it exists, or you’re horrified by its existence. The point of discussing clop is not to change your opinion it; after all, the response to this material is an emotional one, and people can’t ignore what their emotions tell them. Instead, we must apply logic and reason to understand the issue, and what it means for the MLP fandom.

If you’re interested in why people seek out this pornography, ShellyD provides an excellent, objective commentary on the subject. While ShellyD does a great job addressing the “why” question, his presentation doesn’t delve deeper into what this means for to the fandom. It does, however, shed light on the complicated nature of human sexuality, which is something that our species has pondered for forever yet surprisingly isn’t openly talked about in nations like the US.

While sexuality is a very large and nuanced topic, in this day and age there are two ‘rules’ that are pretty much universally upheld. Sexual behavior must be consensual among all involved parties, and it also must be safe. In most cases, as long as those two criteria are met, the sexual practice in question is considered to be okay, regardless of how other people view it. It is from this angle that most people in favor of clop justify it. As clopping only involves one individual, it is consensual, and it’s obviously just as safe as normal masturbation, so many cloppers will ask, “What’s the problem? When did clop ever harm anyone else?”

I’d like to point out here that by the above logic, consensual and safe sexual behavior at any time, at anyplace, in front of anyone, is okay, and that’s just too large of a stretch to make. In the real world, there’s a lot more rules at play: laws, morals, social norms, etc. Why such rules exist is an interesting conversation in it of itself, but there’s no denying that here context is king; having sex with your partner in your own home is very different than having sex at work, in a school, or in public. The same applies for masturbation and all other sexual activities.

So when we talk about clop, we’re talking about a very specific context, the MLP universe. As well all know, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show dedicated to ideas like kindness, generosity, honesty, loyalty, and laughter, all bundled up into an idyllic package. While this show means different things to different people, there’s two obvious things that we can say are true about FiM:

Its primary theme is the idea that “Friendship is Magic”

Its target audience is young girls

These two facts alone ensure that the show never is going to dive into sexuality at all, as it is not age appropriate but also not relevant to its platonic themes. This makes the show itself a bad place for porn, and I don’t think there’s anyone actually hoping for the show to include sex scenes any time soon.

What’s more controversial is whether the MLP universe is an acceptable place for porn and sexual activity. To be more definitive, the MLP universe consists not just what we see in the show, but also what we don’t see, and this is why it’s much harder to judge whether the universe is the right context. We simply don’t know everything. However, one can take context clues from the show to discern whether sexuality does exist within the universe.

The base assumption is that the show is representative of the universe like any smaller sample of a larger data set. So if sexual behavior (arousal, intercourse, etc) exists in the universe, we’d expect to see hints of it in the show. However (and perhaps strangely), there aren’t any hints of this in the show: the characters are never horny, they are never suggestive, and most don’t even experience romantic attraction with the exception of a few crushes. Even among pairings like Shining Armor and Cadence, and Mr. and Ms. Cake, their relationships aren’t different than that of close friends. The only hint towards any sexual experience like what humans have is that the opposite gendered couples have offspring. In other words, reproduction is possible, but its mechanism is unknown. We do, however, know of one canon mechanism of reproduction: parasprites reproduce asexually by vomiting their children.

Any further explanation starts making assumptions, but from what we’ve seen, it’s fair to conclude that the characters are asexual and only act in platonic ways (with an occasional burst of romance). This also aligns with Lauren Faust’s intention “to give girls a respectful interpretation of the thing they like.” Because young girls aren’t sexually aware, any world they would imagine would be platonic (perhaps with some romance) like Equestria. This all leads to the conclusion that the MLP universe isn’t the appropriate place for porn, due to the show’s design.

Rule 34 of course, states that there’s going to be porn, no matter what, so what happens when you take a platonic universe and make porn of it? The result is an act of transformation; in the original work all the characters were strictly platonic, and in the derivative work the characters all turned sexual (or hyper sexual, as pornographic works try to be as arousing as possible). As this transformation is from one extreme to the other, it’s not surprising that some fans dislike it. After all, if an individual likes a work because of its specific characteristics, removing those characteristics is a sure way to get them to dislike it.

But to look beyond the individual and their preference, what does this transformation, from platonic to sexual, mean to the fandom at large? The fandom (by definition I’d say) is a place to celebrate the show with others online and in real life, so the fandom’s goal should always be to do just that: celebrate MLP:FiM. This includes the creation of fanworks like art, music, and stories because these works typically reflect the same things we love about the show, whatever it may be. But because clop is transformative, it does not reflect the established characters and their platonic relationships.

This puts clop into a category I call non-appreciative fan works, and in it falls anything that celebrates ideas opposite to ones in the show, like blood and gore as another example. This doesn’t mean that these works are bad, evil, or shouldn’t exist, it’s just that they don’t celebrate the show like other fan works, and by using the same franchise to push the opposite message, these works can disrespect the show. How much they disrespect the show depends on the fan work itself; a long fanfiction with a well explained sexual relationship wouldn’t be disrespectful at all (it also wouldn’t be pornography), but an image showing the entire Mane6 being raped would be incredibly so. Typically, the more sexually explicit a work, and the less context provided, the more depreciative the work is, though this scale is different for every person.

The best way to handle non-appreciative fan works is the tried and true method of tagging. Works that are particularly sexual or particularly bloody probably aren’t what fans of the show are looking for because FiM isn’t either of those things. It’s also better if the tagging systems are nuanced; there’s a big difference between a work that’s sexual, and a work that’s pornographic (in case I haven’t made the distinction clear, pornographic works are sexually explicit works with the intention or effect of being as arousing as possible). The same nuance holds true for the “saucy” works; is the pony’s butt there to be arousing, or is it there because that’s just where butts anatomically go? If done properly, this ensures that no one accidentally views works that contrast what’s explored in FiM.

Part of this is also not pushing the clop agenda in the rest of the fandom. As stated earlier, the fandom’s goals should be to celebrate the show for what it is, and clop deviates from that, so promoting it beyond acknowledging that it exists is unfair to people who wish to avoid it. The same holds true for people who intentionally attack cloppers; cloppers are also allowed to celebrate MLP:FiM, and seeking them out to yell at them is worse. Discussion with the intention to understand one another is always fine, but sadly it often turns toxic (for the brave souls who wish to understand, I applaud you and hope that you don’t receive nasty comments like I have).

The other issue that should be resolved is the misunderstanding between the two most opposite sides. It’s always okay if someone judges MLP:FiM as a bad place for sex because of the context, and it’s always okay if someone likes the porn. But when a member of the fandom discovers the clop (or a clopper), and they find the sexual transformation disrespectful, how do they know the artist/person isn’t trying to be disrespectful? Short answer is that they cannot know, unless cloppers/artists try to make that clear. For example, when someone states, “I love clop,” what do they mean? Is it the image of consensual sex between two of their favorite characters that they like, or is it the image of all the show’s cast being raped that they enjoy? These are two very different things, so if cloppers don’t want people to assume the worst, they should be more specific. The statement “I love clop because I like sexual fantasies between my favorite ships” is much more descriptive of what the person actually enjoys, and it also explains their motivation. Really, any short explanation should be enough to rid people of doubt that one is trying to be disrespectful.

Now to quickly summarize everything I’ve stated above: Clop is a hard thing to discuss. The subject tends to polarize people, which likely due to how complicated sexuality is. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with clop, though the judgement is ultimately based on whether one thinks it’s appropriate given the context of My Little Pony: Freindship is magic. Because it’s a show about friendship, and because it depicts its characters platonically, many will reach the conclusion that porn of the show is not appropriate. Anyhow, clop is a transformative work, which means that it should be tagged and available, but not promoted and not hated. Misunderstanding can hopefully be cleared up by having cloppers explain to non-cloppers that they mean no offense when the two worlds do collide.

At the end of the day we still can all celebrate pony together, and diversity within the fandom can help make it a great place.