#regardless of both those things they KNOW each other they grew up together they know the other's habits and quirks

[casualavocados]

Chen Yi, are you out of your mind? You said it. Just for fun. Why are you being shy now? I'm not in the mood. But I am. How are you supposed to face your favorite boss if you act like this? He's always our boss. The man who brought us up.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10

[tetzoro]

☽◯☾ - ALL TOO EAGER

꒰ synopsis ꒱ : Eren accidentally stumbled upon his newest side gig, pleasuring himself before thousands of viewers. But honestly, it’s all for his favorite creator — you.

꒰ content ꒱ : MDNI. eren jaeger x reader ; virginity loss (eren), unprotected sex, use of nicknames (baby, pretty girl) — WC : 2k

⭑ 𓂃 ꒰ New Moon ! ꒱ ― kinktober masterlist

camboy!eren who started doing solo videos because he was bored. somewhat of a social reject even long after graduating high school, he spent a lot of his nights furiously pumping his cock to whatever videos he’d find online.

camboy!eren who saw other guys do solo videos and make a lot of money, so he thought, why not? after a few clicks, he had an account and was ready to go.

camboy!eren who grew quickly in popularity due to the breathy groans he’d let out that ultimately led to soft whimpers when he was cumming all over his finely tuned abs. not to mention he had a pretty dick.

camboy!eren who finds your page one day and it quickly becomes his favorite. whenever he’s fucking his flesh light, he has your video on in the background just wishing you were really here with him. he has to refrain from moaning your name, trying to keep his words to a minimum as rides his high with your sweet mewls echoing in his head.

camboy!eren who discovers that you make videos with other guys and realizes his daydreams don’t seem so far fetched. that is, until he realizes you only do it with one guy — your boyfriend. he becomes obsessed with these videos regardless, pretending that he was really the one who was fucking you instead of the asshole with the small dick.

camboy!eren who leaves filthy comments under your videos, bragging that he’d fuck you better than your boyfriend (regardless that he’s never actually had sex). overtime, they just grew more relentless and he even went as far as sending you links of his own little videos.

camboy!eren who’s heart falls to his ass when he sees you finally reply to him, sending him a message that practically begs him to test out that theory of his, explaining that you and your boyfriend were no more.

and of course he was all too eager to accept.

the messages between you two only grew in velocity as time went on. as it turns out, planning up a meet up was extremely difficult. he learned you didn’t live so far away but with the way both of your schedules were set up, it would take some time before you had a weekend to meet up. 

so the texts turned raunchier, unable to hold back any longer. eren knew you were getting over your ex but he couldn’t stop his fingers from flying across the screen, ensuring you that he would please you like no one else. afterall, he’s watched your videos for so long, he knows what spots you would always target, what kinds of things would have you coming undone with a sweet cry. it was all achingly committed to his memory.

the fact that you were more than receptive to his bold claims, borderline just as obsessed as he was, turned him on to the point where just his hand and one of your old videos on didn't cut it anymore. both of you still did your shows, but almost every night you’d switch to facetime and get off to each other properly.

the soft whimpers and moans you let out as he watched you finger your cunt, begging for him to come over and help you out had his body growing taut with desire. only a few more days and he’d finally have you all to himself and he was more than ready to prove how good he could be for you.

but in all honesty, if eren had known that those few (hundred) comments he had left on your page would bring him to this moment, he would’ve started flooding your chat a long, long time ago.

the plan was simple: get together, have a practice round, then give your viewers a real show.

never in his life had he been so mesmerized, so in awe of the person before him. or rather, under him. the inescapable truth that he’s never done this before has flown straight below the radar – for now.

the reddened tip of his cock nudges along your clit, pressing into it and watching your body jolt in retaliation. every reaction he pulled from you had him wanting more, craving it more than he craved his own release. to please you has been his main goal but he didn’t realize that in doing so, he was already teetering on the edge of losing control.

“ready for me, pretty girl?” eren asked, trying to keep his voice level but the slight shake in his tone betrayed him. the fact he was going to lose his virginity to the one who took up each and every one of his fantasies seemed surreal.

it was more than he could’ve imagined whenever he’d fist his cock in the dead of night, wishing and manifesting for a moment like this. all too beautifully you were sprawled out under him, preening to his touch.

“please, eren.” as soon as the plea left your plush lips, he had no choice but to start pressing into you. inch by inch, he sunk himself in, his fingers tightly gripping onto your hips. 

every coherent thought he’d ever had disappeared into a haze of pleasure as soon as he bottomed out. slack-jawed and frozen, basking in the warmth of your cunt enveloping him way better than a fleshlight could ever. there was no way he could ever return to it, not with you pulsing around him, silently begging and pleading to milk him right then and there. a part of him almost gave into his urges, letting himself spill into you without another thought but he knew he had to get you there first.

eren slowly came back to his senses, looking down at you and almost instantly regretting it. there’s no way you could be faking any of it, not with how close he is. you, with your watery eyes, pupils dilated as they were lost and swimming in pleasure. it was clear every part of you wanted this as much as him.

plap, plap, plap.

the sounds of him thrusting into you started to fill the otherwise muted room. his hips had a mind of their own, driven by a primal instinct as he took in your beauty. after seeing your expression morph into something more blissful than the heavens, he couldn’t hold himself back from pounding into you. everything felt too good – so tight, so warm. 

“fuck-” his voice betrayed him, cracking under the weight of his bliss. he bares his teeth, doing what he can to block anymore traitorous sounds that escape him and reveal how much he’s at your mercy. but it’s all for nothing as the next words slip out of his mouth, nothing more than a hiss. “you feel so fucking good.”

there was no way he could stop as he thrusted into you, your slick completely coating his cock, allowing him to sink into you faster, deeper. the way you writhe and whine beneath him, nails digging into his shoulders before dragging along his back forced a whimper to slip past his lips. 

his ears felt all too hot, the tips undoubtedly burning up because of the utter vulnerability of it all. thank god his hair was long enough to cover them, the haphazard half bun he had tossed it up in earlier was cascading down, almost annoyingly obscuring the beautiful view before him.

“talk to me, baby.” he grunted, wanting to hear the praise fall from your lips. “tell me how it feels.”

“feels s’good, eren —” the air in your lungs gives away as you gasp out, your hands digging into the duvet as leverage to ground yourself with. eren can’t hold back a grunt as you arch your back so your chest is flush against his, nipples brushing together with each thrust.“touch me more, please!”

without a wasted breath, eren’s hands mindlessly slide along your body, fingers trailing along every curve and dip as he begins to map it, desperately wishing to commit it to his memory. everything about you was so soft, so addicting that he didn’t want to let go. 

“so good to me, such sweet manners f’me.” he coos, the slight condensation dripping from his tone. the fire that was pooling in his abdomen ignites more as he takes in your expression – half lidded eyes that were only focused on him, your heaving chest that only enticed him more. one hand pushes your hips back down into the mattress as his other one cups your chest, thumb brushing over your pert bud. “just makes me want to give you more.”

“please–!” your legs locked around his waist, lulling him in deeper, causing his hips to stutter at the new angle.

“y-yeah? you want more?” all of the muscles in his body tensed up, an impending doom settling in as his release threatened to spill prematurely. halting his motions, he presses his forehead against yours, trying to steady himself and push away the high he could practically taste. after counting down, the urgent need to come simmered away right before your hips started to move against his own. “fuck, o-okay. i’ll give you whatever you want, baby.”

eren can’t help it but need something to steady himself and with the way his body was trembling in overflowing pleasure, he opted out from grabbing onto you — it was much to risky. instead, he reached over, grappling the bed frame as he delivered each thrust with a needy precision, setting a new pace that had you both crying out in a sinful harmony. each time he sunk back into you, cock all snug within your walls, he could feel you clench around him with the sweetest whine of his name parting from your lips.

another groan bubbled up from his throat but by the time it escaped his mouth, it was a full blown whine. from someone who was known for his guttural grunts, the whine was unexpected.

there’s no way to tell where his body ends and yours begins, all he knows is that one of you is trembling, shaking and he has a sneaky suspicion it's him – not that he’d ever admit it though.

his world was brought back down to your center of gravity as soon as you tugged on his long locks, melding your lips against his in a kiss that threatened to take away all of his remaining sanity. there was no more room for air as his lungs filled with the sweet hums you couldn’t contain. 

you pull away from the kiss for a moment, a sheen of passion covering them in a way that looks like gloss – undeniably enticing him for more. his lips involuntarily chase after yours, not letting you get a moment of reprieve from his intensity. how could he? 

he didn’t want to stop as he carved his way into you, trying to erase all semblance of the other men that you had been with — especially the nasty ex he decided he hated. to have fumbled someone like you must’ve meant he was an absolute dumbass. his loss was eren’s gain and he would make sure that you knew that by the end of the night.

“‘m close, ‘ren.” the sweetness of your voice coiled deep within him, on the verge of snapping. 

“me too.” he grunts, gritting his teeth as he tries to stave his release. despite desperately rutting into you, he could barely pull out. your legs lock him in, your thighs trembling all around him as you come undone with a cry of his name. there was no way he could hold back anymore, shoving himself as deep as he could as he shook and whined with his orgasm. “‘m cumming – fuck, ‘m cumming. all for you, take it, baby, please–”

after the last rope of cum spilled into your pulsing cunt, eren let out a shudder, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. the room fell quiet yet again, save for the sounds of your shared breath, your lungs fighting for air. eren falls to your side, careful not to crush you as his arms encircle your waist and pull you closer to him.

“shit-” eren gasped, his pulse still racing. 

“and that was just the warm up.” you laugh softly, hand trailing down his abs. “you ready to turn the camera on now?”

[selkies-world]

Language resources

(Duolingo alternatives)

For those who no longer use or trust Duolingo, I've put together a list of resources - apps, learning methods, programmes, etc - with a list of whether or not they are free, and my personal experience with their success at teaching a language. I have also included new ones that I haven't tried yet but which I have researched; for these, I have included a rating of how much hope I have for them panning out in the future.

[I grew up bilingual & went to a multicultural school that had a student body consisting of children from refugee families who spoke little to no English. The school prioritised teaching the entire student body the minority languages, and finding a bridge language we could all learn together to fill in any gaps in communication. Due to this, I spent the last 4 years of primary school learning new languages with the rest of the student body.

We would have a school-wide lesson for 1 hour once a week - usually with a child or staff member fluent in that language leading the lesson at the front of the gym with a microphone so we could hear the correct pronunciation in time with reading the native spelling & English phonetics on the projector screen at the front of the hall. We were expected to use this language in the corridors when we spoke with teachers or staff members and when we passed by other students regardless of what their or our native languages were. As far as fluency went, we were expected to be able to recognise and say greetings and goodbyes, enquire to each others well-being, know how to ask for assistance, how to ask for medical help for various things, how to ask where the bathroom was, to give and receive directions around the entire school, as well as colours, names of things found around the school, make small talk about our activities of the day and our family, and why we were out of class - all with relative ease & mutual understanding.

We changed language after every break, so it was roughly 8 hours of lessons in each language, before we would start again with a new one.

Alongside this, the older students in the school (final 3 years, aged 9 - 11/12) would learn French 3+ hours a week for those 3 years so their writing, reading and speaking standards were acceptable for the beginning of high school. In 1 of these years, we also studied both of our native languages for the first time, for 6 weeks each.

I left traditional schooling at 11, and while I was home-schooled I taught myself Italian, Russian, and Latin from scratch, along with relearning my preferred native language, and 2 forms of sign - I used Makaton as a young child and in school as I have a form of mutism, but as a teen I realised I associated this language with the severe trauma I experienced at school, and so suffered from flashbacks and dissociative episodes when I used it. This, along with medical concerns, led to me learning BSL, and then SSE. Today, I use a combination of English, SSE and my native language in everyday settings. I have a mental block for learning French due to it being heavily associated with my trauma.

I am saying all this not for sympathy, but so that you can see firstly how much I enjoy and value learning languages, and in order to show my experience levels with learning languages. I've used, tried, and tested all of the learning methods I will be talking about in this post. I have either used or done a lot of research into the apps and programmes discussed in this post.

And yes, I have prioritised ones that teach endangered languages, indigenous languages and languages that aren't often included in language media such as Hebrew, various forms of Arabic, Navajo, Gaelic, and others. I have also included ones that teach and / or document sign languages and sign communication systems.]

Please note that the following lists are arranged in no particular order. They are not ranked best to worst or by any other X to Y ratio. They are simply ranked according to how I remembered, tested, or found each of them.

Apps

1: Fluyo.

Rating for hope / faith: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: n/a

Cost: unknown

Status: not yet publicly available

Please note that while Fluyo is not yet available, its Kickstarter page is flourishing, its app is in development, and the developer is a man of colour who has continued to devote himself to this app and its development despite rising health concerns, developing a life-changing disabling condition, and numerous set-backs. His YouTube channel is very educational, and he has also written a book on language-learning. If you would like to know more, you can learn about him here. Fluyo is set up like a computer game with multiple cute characters who are interactive rather than stationary, and I genuinely have high hopes for it once it is released.

2: Babble

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for the first lesson, but a paid subscription is required for any further lessons

Status: available to download

3: Language Drops

Personal experience: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons, but a paid account is required for access to all lessons

Status: available to download

4: Fluent forever

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free access to basic lessons to build your confidence with the language, but a paid subscription is required for unlimited access

Status: available to download

5: Lingopie

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for 7 days, but a paid subscription is required after that for continued use of the app

Status: available to download

6: Fluenday

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

7: Language flower

Hope for: ☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

8: Sign BSL / Daniel Mitchell

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

Please note that Daniel Mitchel offers a BSL version of this, along with an ASL version.

9: Bright BSL / sign lab

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness:☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons + premium for all other lessons

Status: available to download

Please note that Sign Lab offers this app for the following sign languages: BSL (Bright BSL), ASL (ASL Bloom), LSF (Pause LSF / Langue des Signes, yoDGS, Libras (LibrasLab), Italian Sign Language (MeLISegno), and Toleio: Norsk Tegnspråk.

10: BSL zone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

11: Reverso context

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

This is less for learning a language, more for quick reference / fact-checking a translation.

12: Pimsleur

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free 7 day trial, but a paid subscription is required for continued use

Status: available to download

13: Memrise

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for introductory levels, with a premium option to unlock majority of lessons

Status: available to download

14: Busluu

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: Free, with a premium option to download lessons, more repetition, and extra lessons

Status: available to download

15: Hello Talk

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

16: Rosetta Stone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: monthly subscription is required

Status: available to download

17: Lingo Deer

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for all lessons beyond Basics 1

Status: available to download

18: Beelinguapp

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, but a subscription is required for total access

Status: available to download

19: Lingvist

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆ (though it does have an option to suggest other languages for them to add, and which language you would like to learn from, and they'll email you when / if that language becomes available)

Effectiveness: unknown

Cost: free

Status: available to download

[Please note this one is not photosensitive friendly or seizure friendly. I had to close the app as soon as I opened it due to the design on their opening page, and even when I reopened it and clicked straight through, their colour scheme was still upsetting to my senses.]

20: Lingvano

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for a few lessons, but for access to all lessons, a paid subscription is required

Status: available to download

21: Duocards

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, but a more advanced version is available for premium accounts

Status: available to download

22: Chatterbug

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free with limited access, but a paid version is available

Status: available to download

23: Mango languages learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a premium account required for further access

Status: available to download

24: EdX

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost:

Status: available to download

Please note that EdX is an app which houses courses on multiple subjects, not specifically a language-learning app.

25: Mondly Languages

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free, though it does repeatedly offer you a subscription account for an experience catered to you and your interests

Status: available to download

Please note this one may be triggering to those who are photosensitive or whose senses are upset by rapid moving gifs. There is a crown in the top right-hand corner which vibrates very quickly.

26: Speakly

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a subscription account required for further use

Status: available to download

27: Pocket sign

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

28: Lingo legend language learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, though I think there may be a premium option either available but unmentioned, or in the works

Status: available to download

Please note that this app offers you the chance to vote for which languages should be added to its interface, so they can prioritise which ones to fund.

29: INC sign language app

Hope for: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

For those with religious trauma, please note that INC stands for Iglesia Ni Cristo, and the INC Sign Language App "is a project of the Christian Society for the Deaf under the Christian Family Organizations Office of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ)". While it does not appear to prioritise religious content, the content does feature people dressed in suits as if for attending a church sermon.

30: My signing time

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: 14 day free trial, and a subscription is required after this point

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is aimed at babies / toddlers & families.

32: Falou

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option if you want to learn more than 1 language & unlock additional courses in your chosen language

Status: available to download

33: Earworms

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for the demo, then after that, the lessons are broken into two "volumes" to buy individually, or 1 bonus-pack which contains both to buy once at a slightly reduced cost.

Status: available to download

Please note that Earworms used to be available as CD lessons, which is when I first used them. The CDs were in Volumes and were more expensive than all costs on this app. I used them 10 years ago and still remember what I learned despite not getting to use the language very often, so I can guarantee their method is very effective.

34: Qlango

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for the final 3 levels

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is laid out more like a semi-immersive lesson plan rather than a game. However, it is currently my favourite one.

Other resources

1: Signing hands (YouTube)

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to watch

2: Military style

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: n/a

Status: available to begin for free, though it will be difficult for you to find an environment that allows you to experience this authentically. If you would like to learn more about what the military style is, I will speak about it further below.

3: Textbooks / Reading materials

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, or otherwise up to you (what you are willing / able to spend on it)

Status: available to start whenever you feel like it

You can find numerous language-learning resources listed at the end of this post. I also recommend buying an up-to-date dictionary and thesaurus in your chosen language, and studying it. Study the grammar noted in the front, and then actually read the dictionary. It will seem strange, but it will benefit you in the long-run. Make notes as you go, highlight and colour some things in as you see fit.

Learning methods

1: Immersion

Over and over again, we are told that immersion is the best, most effective way to learn a language. This is because this is how we often think children learn languages - and we're partly right about that.

Immersion is the process of immersing yourself in the chosen language, with one single choice: learn the language, or suffer.

If our brains have to choose between struggling to pronounce a few words while gesturing to something we want and clinging onto sounds we hear like trying to hold onto a wet otter, or not getting what we want, we're going to choose to sound & look like an idiot, pointing and saying basic sounds, even if trying to remember the reply is like trying to remember Pi.

With enough time, though, we pick the language up remarkably well when we have no choice but to pick it up. This is the method which has us mimicking accents and gestures and expressions in order to best gain what we want: to express ourselves, our needs and our desires.

However, immersion is often critiqued because unless you have the means to fly to the country that speaks your desired language and live there with 0 influence from your native language for 6+ months... Well, you're not fully immersed, are you? Language apps try to give you an immersive experience, but you can always put your phone down. Depending on where you were educated, you may have had an immersive language class, where you had to learn the language or not be able to join in and so failed by default.

Good ways to mimic immersion are: finding radio channels in your chosen language and watching TV shows in your chosen language without subtitles, and listening to music in your chosen language.

2: Flashcards

Flashcards often tend to be a popular way to test your memory and retention of a particular subject. However, using them to begin learning a language can lead to a loss of motivation.

If you are creating the flashcards yourself, I would recommend creating them in 2 sets: 1 which is the traditional flashcard (your first language OR a picture on one side, and the translation on the other side), and 1 which has twice as many, with only 1 side being used. This second set should be designed like playing cards - the word or picture on one side, and a plain back.

This second set can be used when you're wanting to boost your motivation or confidence - arrange the cards face down, and begin playing the children's game of Pairs. Another option would be Snap.

When you return to using the traditional flashcards, you'll have a better foundation to build on if you've taught yourself to see these as fun, and taught your brain to associate these cards with quickfire responses - such as are brought to the surface during childrens' cards games.

3: Stickers

This is a method which seems obvious once it's pointed out, but seems confusing if you've never done it before.

Simply put, using stickers is when you create or buy stickers with the translation of everyday objects, words and phrases in your chosen language, and put them up around your house. "Door" goes on the door. "Cupboard" goes on the outside of a cupboard, "bread" goes on the inside. "Fridge" goes on the fridge door. "Milk" goes behind the milk so you see it every time you pick the milk up. "Lightswitch" goes above / under the lightswitch. Etc etc etc.

This is a memory retention technique used for multiple scenarios. Nurseries and schools may sometimes have the Makaton sign for something shown in a large diagram stuck to the walls / surfaces. Carehomes may have the names & purposes of objects stuck to the surfaces / objects in the dominant language, for the residents with memory issues or communication barriers.

While this is a good technique for quickfire memory boosts, it can be a slow way to learn a language from scraps, and is better suited for when you are semi-familiar with the written form of the language you are learning. It is also a good way to get everyone involved, as everyone in the home will be interacting with the stickers.

4: Forced conversation

This one is controversial, but can be very effective if it is approached with an open mind, clear communication and previously-agreed upon rules and lines.

The method of forced conversation is exactly what it sounds like: it is when you are engaged in a conversation in your target language, in which the person whom you are conversing with refuses to speak your original language. However, no matter how poor your language skills are, or how uncomfortable you get, they do not stop the conversation, and you do not let to leave the situation until they are satisfied you have communicated well enough, and have understood them. This will usually be "proven" by them giving you instructions, asking a specific question, or requesting you do something for them - if you follow the action through, you have understood them, if you try to give a vague answer and do not do the task, you have not understood them, and the interaction is forced to continue. Again.

This method is controversial because it is not immediately inclusive or welcoming for those who are shy, have anxiety, any form of Mutism, or who have a neurodiversiry or learning disability which impacts their communication. In formal situations, it is often these people who fall behind or get put off from learning a language if forced conversations are the only method they have the option of.

However, if there are adaptions made and accommodation previously discussed and provided, this can still be a viable method which is inclusive to all.

If the person speaking your target language is previously informed of your communication issues or complications, and are instructed in how to accommodate you (ie: Do they need to point at something, or use picture cards as prompts? Do you prefer using picture cards? Do you get distracted if they use hand gestures? Do you need fidget toys provided? Will it be easier for you if you are not forced to maintain eye contact? Will it be better for you if one or both of you are moving around rather than sitting down directly across from each other? Do the lights need to be altered in your environment to make the sensory experience less overwhelming? Do you use noise cancelling headphones? Do you focus better if there is music on in the background? Are there certain tones of voice or volume levels that need to be avoided? Does constantly changing body language stress you out? Do you have a stutter or speech impediment that may impact your pronunciation? Etc.)

Accomodaring these issues, and coming up with a signal to take a break (ie, if you have issues telling the difference between "I am angry at you personally" and "I am tired today" in vocal tones and facial expressions, will you get upset if you think the person is angry at you for not knowing their language? If so, do you need a signal to take a break so you can clearly communicate your stress, and they can give you an answer in your original language and clarify anything which is upsetting or confusing you, before continuing the conversation in your target language?) or to speak in simpler terms? Is their one subject you can talk about particularly well (a hyperfixation) which they can use in the conversation to help you engage?

All of these accommodations may seem intimidating, but if all those involved are aware of these accommodations going into the conversation, it can make the interaction much more positive and productive.

Forced conversation uses the same logic as immersion: if your brain has to choose between looking / sounding like an idiot who stumbles over words, or a very uncomfortable situation which lasts longer each time you make a mistake, your brain will choose to look like an idiot in order to achieve what it wants.

5: Repetition

Repetition is a very common method of learning a language, though it is often criticised for being ineffective.

It is when a phrase or word is said by one party, and repeated by another. If the second party does not pronounce it correctly, the first party repeats it again. This continues until the second party gets it correct. Then the pattern is repeated with another phrase / word. Once a certain number of words have been said correctly by the second party, the first party will return to the start and repeat the process again, with the second party having to say the phrases / words correctly multiple times before being able to move onto the next. The entire process continues in this loop until the second party is saying things correctly with ease.

This method is part of what makes up both immersion, flashcards and military style methods for language learning. It can also be used with textbook learning.

However, it is often critiqued because once the second party is away from the first party and left to their own devices, their confidence in their previous pronunciation will falter, and when they return to the lesson or need to use the language again, they'll be at a lower level of achievement than they were when they left. It is also very tedious, and can become boring.

6: Music

When I spoke about immersion, I briefly mentioned music. I also said that we assume children learn language via immersion. However, as adults we often overlook something else which plays a crucial role in teaching children language: music.

Children learn language, rhythm, speech patterns, and turn-of-phrase via songs, rhymes, riddles, fables, tongue-twisters, and music.

This is why it can be priceless to learn songs in your chosen language. Lullabies. Nursery rhymes. Children's songs. Pop songs that are ridiculed as being too simple or written without talent. Theme tunes from children's shows. Traditional rhymes and tongue-twisters. Most of these can be found via a long time on YouTube.

Music works in a unique way, worming its way into our minds. Our brains are hardwired to recognise and remember patterns - and music is made up of patterns. This is why we get songs stuck in our heads for no reason. Being able to use this to your advantage to learn or remember a new language can be an amazing experience.

7: Subtitles and language swap

This is a method which can be useful when you are learning more than one language, but are more familiar with one than the other.

It is where you watch / listen to a certain media in 1 language, while reading the subtitles / lyrics in another language. This way, the language you are more familiar with / fluent in will fill the gaps of understanding the less familiar one.

You can then challenge yourself by removing one language (muting the media & only reading the subtitles, or removing the subtitles and only listening to the provided audio) and seeing how well you follow along / understand.

This can also be used with your target language and your original language.

8: Writing it down

This is another form of repetitive learning which can be useful when studying / retaining for an exam, but can also be useful when you are first learning the written-to-verbal patterns of a language.

One method is longterm recall: this is where you write down short notes, words & phrases in your target language 1+ hour after engaging with your learning resources. This tests how much you retained. It is a physical show of how much you have actually learned.

Another method is short term recall & build-up: this is where you choose a single word / phrase, and write it as lines (Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are-) until your page is full. Then go back to the start and write over the top of your own writing, staying as close to your original marks as possible. Repeating this pattern multiple times until your page rips or the words become close to unreadable tricks your brain into focusing morenon your handwriting than on the language - as such, you will start to see the phrase / word as a pattern to follow, and it is then left to your subconscious mind to retain it while your conscious mind prioritises hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.

9: Textbook

If you're more academically inclined, you may prefer a textbook method of study. This is the style used in most night classes and / or some traditional education classes.

Textbook methods have everything arranged by date and time, and learning goals are broken down & laid out according to a set calender: by x, you will have learned this amount, by y, you will have learned this amount, so on so forty until the final set date when you will be "fluent" or a certain level of reasonably fluent.

Most of the time with this method, you will be following guidelines, activities and lesson plans previously arranged in a chosen textbook, and that textbook will be your sole or primary resource.

10: Bilingual books (page by page)

Using page-by-page bilingual books can be confusing and is often overlooked in regards to adult education - however, it can be somewhat interesting to try.

On one page, the text will be written in your original language - on the opposite page, the same text will be repeated in your target language. Seeing the two side-by-side allows you to read your target language and instantly refer back to your original language if you get stuck on a word or phrase.

There is another form of bilingual books often given to children: line-by-line. These feature the image / picture, with the original text written clearly and simply, usually no more than 1 or 2 sentences per page. Directly underneath them will be the translated text written in a different font.

11: Same story / movie, different language

While this can be a fun method, it isn't always the most beneficial if you're looking for accuracy - however, it can be useful if you're wanting to test yourself.

It uses a similar logic to the subtitles & language swap method: you put on a movie you are familiar with, but you put it on in your target language with 0 subtitles. This allows you to engage with the language while using the familiar movie / story as a bridge.

12: Military Style

This is perhaps the most effective technique to use of you have a set amount of time to reach a specified level of understanding / fluency in a language. However, it is also one of the most difficult to fully replicate yourself.

Military style is a form of forced immersion combined with forced conversation and repetitive loops, but with reward and punishment techniques to make you prioritise learning the language over your own comfort zone / personal boundaries.

An example of this style would be party 1 having party 2 engage in forced conversation in front of an audience, then having them repeat a phrase they got wrong over and over until they get it right - all in front of the audience, with a rule set which forbids party 2 from sitting down or disengaging the interaction until they have finished the task. Nobody in the audience is allowed to help party 2. Party 1 continues to push party 2 outside of their comfort zone by having them continue the conversation, repeating any mistakes until they are corrected, and the conversation does not end until it is completed.

After that, party 2 has to do 100 push-ups while repeating the phrase they got wrong the most - and they have to pronounce it correctly while doing the push-ups. Any mistakes, and they go back to 1, regardless of if they were at 7 or 98.

This combined punishment of mild public humiliation and physically pushing their body beyond its limits makes the brain see learning the language as the solution to ending this treatment - as such, party 2 will be far less likely to repeat those mistakes again.

Alongside this, there is forced immersion, in the sense that nobody is allowed to speak their original language in any context or to anyone - they must use the target language or be ignored at best or ridiculed at worst.

Understandably, this method is difficult to replicate on your own or outside of the army.

However, there are some tokens which can be taken from it: notably forced repetition & physical exercise.

Set yourself a challenge using any of the previously mentioned learning methods or apps. Keep note of your mistakes.

At the end of the challenge (say 30 minutes of learning) count up all your mistakes. Now do a push-up / squat / pull-up / sit-up / etc for each mistake you made while repeating the phrase out loud. If you stall too long on making a connection in your mind or stumble over the sounds, start counting from 1 again. Repeat this until you're continuously getting the mistakes correct.

At the end, go back to your lesson and repeat it. Did you get less mistakes?

Thoughts & considerations when it comes to learning a language - for language savants and novices alike

"If you don't use it, you lose it" is probably one of the most hated phrases in terms of learning anything new - and especially in terms of learning a language. I think a better expression would be "If you don't make room for it, you won't keep it".

If you don't make time to learn a language, you won't learn it.

If you don't challenge yourself to reach a certain standard, you won't achieve any standard.

If you don't make the effort to retain the new information, you'll forget it.

When you learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind. You have to be willing to make mistakes and continue, knowing you're not doing it perfectly. You have to be willing to make it a priority, even if nobody else in your life sees it as one. You have to be willing to be frustrated and tired and bored. You have to be willing to get every single thing wrong and try again. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable with the new sounds you're making and you have to be willing to be patient while your brain digs out a new burrow of tunnels and connections which didn't previously exist.

If you genuinely want to learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind and life. Even when sometimes it's a tight fit.

Resources, as promised

Reading, writing & textbook materials:

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

Book 5

Structured notebook 1

Structured notebook 2

Structured notebook 3

Something worth checking out 1

Other things to invest in:

A dictionary in your target language

Picture cards

Flashcards

Stickers

Books in your target language

Children's books in your target language

Nursery rhyme books in your target language

Magazine subscriptions in your target language on a topic you find fascinating

Newspapers in your target language

Poetry in your target language

1 paid language learning app - a lot of the time, you get what you pay for. Not always, but usually.

Notebooks, stationary, etc

Headphones / earplugs

Media in your target language

[adventuringblind]

Solace

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: angsty AF but happy end don't worry

Request: No, but they're open! I love seeing your ideas so please send them! I promise I don't bite... most the time ;)

Summary: you and Max get to grow together. Neither of your dads being the best parenting model. When Max sees what your dad has don’t to you, he knows something has to be done.

Warnings: Jos Verstappen, depictions of most forms of abuse, descriptions of injuries

Notes: written in second person. I’ve noticed a theme with my writing… we’re just going to ignore it and I will continue to heal my trauma this way :)

Masterlist

Everyone expected great things from you. Expectations you wanted so badly to meet. Yet you always felt like you were falling short.

Your father is a Redbull mechanic. A good one at that. He's incredibly smart and respected within the paddock. One of Max's top engineers.

Your mother had left during your childhood. This means you got to spend your time traveling everywhere with your father. Him even being your teacher until you started online school and graduated.

Christian offered you a job that involved being on the pitwall. One you took happily. It meant you didn't have to spend the race in the garage with your dad.

From the outside, you looked happy. But you weren't up to standard with what your father wanted. You weren't perfect.

Behind closed doors, things were much different. You were blamed for your mothers disappearance. Blamed for your fathers woes. Used as a physical and verbal punching bag to help him feel better.

All the while, you convinced yourself it was for his benefit. That you deserved this for not being what your father wanted. He provided for you all these years, why couldn't you do this for him.

When Max started at redbull, both of you were still young. Regardless, the friendship was meant to be. No matter how much wither of your fathers hated it.

It led to secret rendezvous and stolen moments of escape with each other. You understood him and he understood you.

Max failed to realize how you understood. His dad was open with his behaviors. Jos had yet to back down from a session of publicly shaming his child. Your dad didn't do anything close to that. So how on earth could you know exactly what he needed during those hard nights.

He'd asked Christian about it a few times. Why you were so shy and timid around adults. It was difficult to understand.

Christian had told him not to worry about it and to focus on his racing. He was watching out for you.

It was true. Christian had been your Guardian angel on multiple occasions. Even staying with his family over long breaks why home was too difficult. He made sure you were fed and had clothes that fit. Everything you lacked in your own house.

The one thing that stopped him from getting him away from you is that you never explicitly told him or showed any signs of it. He was working on assumptions and possible hints.

He'd tried to catch anything that would give him a leg up, but he'd yet to het anything.

Your relationship with Max grew over the years. The two of you melded. You knew how to tame the Mad Max that fought to escape, and he knew how to soothe your tears.

You found solice in each other. Stability in your friendship. A love you both were willing to fight for.

Which happened a lot.

Neither of you knew how to communicate properly. Resulting in hard arguments and yelling matches. One of you is always shutting down before any real reconciliation can happen.

Christian got to be a father to both of you in this way. Coaching you two on how to express your feelings healthily. He was routing for you two. Knowing both your fathers weren't the best, you and Max needed to learn and love with someone safe. He was glad to take you both under his wing.

Then you were able to flourish. You started smiling more. Your eyes lost the bags from underneath them.

Max started opening up more. Standing up to his father slowly became easier. His smile and silly attitude got to be more prominent.

You started showing affection to each other in public. Openly spending time with the other. Not caring what either of your fathers thought.

After all, you were both adults. Right?

You thought everything was going to be over when you moved in with Max. You were nervous about it, mainly because you were self-conscious about your body. Nevertheless, you knew it would be a good change.

~

It was a soft moment between you two. Your giggles as Max left chaft kisses all over your face made him smile.

He felt bad for looking. He knew you were struggling with insecurities, and he wanted to respect your privacy.

But as your shirt inches up your body, he catches sight of the dark marks along your hips and torso.

He immediately stopped everything. His breathe hitched in his throat.

You looked where his eyes had landed. The secret finally out. One part of you wanted to be relieved, but right now you were panicking. Your brain reeling with every possible outcome.

You did the first thing that came to mind. You apologized. You begged him not to tell anyone. Tried to convince him that it was your own fault. Your breath becoming more uneven with every word.

Max was taken off guard. He knew it had been bad, but he’d never seen it and you’d never shown him. His emotions were bubbling to the surface rapidly. But you didn’t need him to be angry with your father right now.

He removes his hands from your body to give you space. He didn’t want to scare you anymore then he already had. “Don’t apologize, none of that is your fault, okay.” It felt like he was trying to soothe a wild animal. “Can I hold you?”

You nodded your head yes. Eyes moving rapidly to every sound. Your senses hyper aware of everything happening.

He reached out for you slowly, making sure to stay within eye view. Something that helped him when he’d come to you. Slowly you made your way into his arms. Basking in the way he felt like safety.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, but when you’re ready I’m going to spend hours kissing all your bruises better.”

~

The next morning, Max took it slow. You both were needed at the track but he wasn’t in a rush. He wanted to give you time. You’d fallen asleep in his arms. Him soothing every tear that ran down your cheeks.

When you two arrived together, he made his way through the back entry with you in tow. Attempting to avoid cameras and your father. He needed to make sure you got somewhere safe first before he even attempted talking to his lead engineer.

He immediately went to Christian. His face when he saw you two approach made Max want to turn around.

“I can see on your face that you want to punch someone.” Christian sighs in exasperation.

Max looks between his team principal and you. Words now refusing to form in his mouth. How was he supposed to explain this? “Can Y/N stay with you while I run around doing things.”

Christian hesitates, confusion evident. “Only if you tell me what’s going on.” He could see you were in pain. You looked like you’d been crying.

Max leaned into whisper. Worried about cameras and the nearing possibility of your father spotting you two. “It’s worse then we thought.”

Christian rubbed his temples. Motioning for Max and you to follow him into his office. The door closing the a soft click behind them. Neither sat down, the anxiety too much for either of them.

Christian was trying to get a read off of you. You, however, had yet to even look at him. Your body language had reverted back to when you were small. When he let you pretend to work on the cars. It hurt him.

He was about to say something when a knock sounded at the door. A rough knock. A familiar knock. You flinched away from the door. Your survival instincts kicking in.

Christian motioned for you two to sit down. Max gently gripping your wrist to get you to follow him. You flicked unintentionally but he just looked at you knowingly. You needed to move and he was just trying to help.

You sit down across from Christian. Max’s leg was bouncing up and down so fast you thought he might put a hole in the floor.

“Come in.”

You don’t turn around when the door closes. You can hear his breathing. Aware of his every move without even seeing him. Fighting every urge to run away.

“Oh- I was looking for Y/N. We need to go over some data.” He picked up on your fear. You knew it as he walked directly behind you. His hand gripping your shoulder.

You flinched and turned away from his hand. The tension in the room was to thick for you to breath. Max was already out of his chair and ready to connect his fist with anything.

Christian put his hands in between the two men. Aware of the still open door and people peaking inside.

You were trying to cower away from the aggression. Away from the onlookers. Into the safety of Max.

“I think Y/N was busy going over some things with Max, but I’d be happy to look at it.” Christian gave his best attempt at a neutral smile.

Your father was growing angrier. It’s the first time he’d openly tried anything. The grip he had on your shoulder already bruising.

“Busy doing what? Trying to ruin her future even more?”

Max saw red. He was already angry, but now he’d crossed a line. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. However, the feeling of his fist connecting with the jaw of your fathers was to satisfying for him to care.

Your father reeled backwards. His hands clutching his face.

You jump from the chair. Finding refuge behind Max's body.

Max was ready to go for another swing. Before he could lunge, Christian grabbed his shoulder.

"Why don't you Teo cool off in Max's driver room. I'll come find you later."

Max didn't move. His chest heaving. The two men willing eachother to make a move.

You take Max's wrist. Gently trying to lead him through the door.

You, however, didn't get far. Your father knew something was wrong the second he saw you come into the garage. He’d been around Max long enough to know that he’s a protector. He knew that if you wanted, you could ruin his entire life.

So, he lunged for you. Grabbed hold of your hair and pulled. You were in his grip again before Max could even register what was happening.

“Max, go get security.”

“But-“

“Your going to be faster then me.”

Reluctant, Max sprints out of the garage. Making his way swiftly to the nearest security checkpoint. He was grateful it was only Thursday. The amount of fans in the paddock significantly less and he didn’t have to drive with his adrenaline already so high.

You were silently pleading that Christian is able to talk some sense into your father. His previously free hand now covering your mouth.

You’d been here before. Breath. Hold. Exhale. Repeat. The mantra you’re mind recited through your entire childhood.

You could see Christian saying words but couldn’t hear them. He was trying to get closer but the hold on you became stronger with each step he took.

Your mind goes blank for a moment. Your body present but your mind dissociated. You can see the interactions take place, but you don’t feel present, or even real.

He is shaking you now. Your body jostling. Then the floor. More footsteps.

Max.

He’s leaning over you. Checking to see if your okay. You can see the panic in his eyes. A soft blue that you will your mind to latch onto.

You can hear him now. He’s whispering to you. “Your safe now” falling like a prayer from his lips.

Max cradles you in his arms. Holding you close as the noises of your father struggling slowly get quieter.

Christian also appeared at eye level. Crouching down beside the two of you. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t see it.”

“I didn’t want to cause my trouble.”

“You never cause trouble.” A smile ghosts across Christian’s face for a moment. “Your dad will not be allowed back into the paddock. And you already know, but if you ever need a place you’re welcome at our home.”

~

Unfortunately, the events that transpired were within view of people and cameras. Christian deemed it a ‘family emergency’ and let you two go back to the hotel. Leaving the media Max needed to do for tomorrow and Checo to replace Max at the press conference.

Now you and Max lay facing each other on the bed. Neither has said very much. Only trying to process the events.

Then you remember something Max said last night. “Can you kiss it better please?”

Max smiled softly and inched himself closer to you. “Stop me if it becomes to much.” You nod at him.

He lifts up your Redbull polo uniform just above your waistline. Placing gently kisses to every place on your body that your father had marked in some way.

He pulled you into him after he finished. The two of you just staying their. Embracing the new possibility of peace you’d both wanted for so long.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

jb x reader putting up the tree and julien can't quite reach

Christmas Tree Farm

Julien Baker x Reader

Summary: Julien might’ve hated Christmas, but if there was one thing she didn’t mind to splurge on… it was the tree. Not one of those artificial ones either- a real one. The only problem was is that a lot of times the more majestic looking trees were double both of your sizes.

Contains: Engaged/old married couple banter and teasing, subtle fluff and subtle discussions of mascxfemme relationship dynamics!!

I know Julien not being able to reach is a very small part but I hope you enjoy regardless! 💚❤️

How many lesbians did it take to lug a 8” Christmas tree back towards the car? The answer was clearly more than two. Every single muscle and tendon and bone in my body seemed to burn as I shoved the wheelbarrow back in the direction of Julien’s red truck with a groan. “Julien, I think you’re taking this whole Sisyphus obsession too far!” I huffed.

“We can transfer this to actually be uphill if you’d like.” She shot back with a glare of her own. “It’s not even that far.”

“You push it then!”

“I’m pulling… which is arguably harder.” She spoke.

In true fashion I knew I was probably being a brat, in all honesty I almost admired her determination of actually getting a real tree this year. Even though part of me believed she was doing it in some act of protest in order to convince me that setting up a tree was hardly worth it. Something I would never do.

“If you’re trying to prove your masculinity it worked.” I sighed, crashing onto the excess inches of snow like it was some fluffy bed the moment we made it back to the truck. And compared to the work we had just done… it definitely felt like it.

“I don’t think I needed to prove anything, you clearly weren’t going to help chop that thing down.” She replied with a nonchalant shrug as she sauntered over towards me with a tiny smirk.

“Julien… do you want sex this month or not?” I nearly growled causing her eyes to fly open in shock.

“Good God, woman! A whole month?! That’s harsh!”

I knew what it sounded like, and if it was anybody else people probably would’ve thought the dynamic of said relationship was a little fishy. But in all honesty I couldn’t even remember my life before Julien, we had spent so much of it together. Your stereotypical childhood best friends to lovers to her getting down on one knee on my birthday to ask the age old question. It was just how we were. We bantered and ranted and laughed at each other and grew to exponential levels of annoyance at each other’s stubbornness. One of those things of course being the time of Christmas.

I had to admit I was surprised whenever she sprung up the idea of getting a real tree this year. Until the evening progressed and it started to feel more and more like an act of ‘I’ll show you!’ Either way though I’d be lying if I said the sight of her swinging that axe didn’t do something to me.

“Careful! Those are breakable!” I scolded the moment I heard her dashing down the stairs once we had settled in and got everything set up at home. A miracle in all honesty.

“Well there’s 5 thousand layers of ribbons and bows in here so they should be fine.” Julien said with a roll of her eyes as she sat the box piled high with various Christmas decorations in front of the massive tree.

“You know, the tree isn’t going anywhere. I don’t really know why we’re rushing.” I began with a clear of my throat as I shoved my aching body up to my feet.

“Most people get their tree up in one day though.” Julien stated, eyes following my hands as I plucked a piece of ribbon from the box and proceeded to throw it around her body like she was a Christmas present. “Y/n, baby, what are you doing? We have a lot to do.”

“Put the box down.” I practically whined as I pulled myself in closer to her and only proceeded to press against the box instead of her. “We have all day. I never thought you would be the eager one.”

“Well, I just wanted you to actually have a good Christmas since we were, kind of, really busy last year.” Her cheeks went pink as she finally let the box plunk on the floor. Giving into the ribbon she slid her arms around my waist, bodies finally pressed together as our lips met. A hint of nicotine mixed with apple cider still lingering on her breath and I caught myself wanting to lap every bit of it up.

“Well, I mean I could’ve done without the physical labor but it has been a pretty sweet holiday so far.” I shrugged once the two of us reluctantly parted and I knelt down to scoop up a shining green ornament.

“Aren’t you the one always bitching to me about this being an ‘equal partnership’ whenever we start branching too much into the whole ‘masc and femme’ roles?” She teased with a use of quotation marks.

“Physical labor has nothing to do with masc and femme roles, Julien, some of the most masc people I know would never think of getting a massive real life Christmas tree twice the size of them.” I scoffed with a roll of my eyes as I placed the Christmas bauble on one of the already fluffed branches.

“Well, I’m not most masc people… I wouldn’t mind being a lumberjack.”

“Oh if only you were born with the same height of your personality, you’d give all those basketball girls a run for their money.” I giggled a bit to myself, just in time to see my five foot nothing fiancée acting like she was doing just that. Or trying to audition for a ballet either one. “Julien! Get a fucking step stool for christ’s sake!”

I nearly flew behind her to catch her whenever she inevitably fell as she launched herself right off the floor to haphazardly more or less throw the ornament onto one of the taller branches. “It got up there just fine.” She said with a huff as she blew a loose strand of hair out of her face, bent over with her hands on her knees.

“You’re getting much to old to do that, you know?” I spoke with widened eyes as I stared down at her. “Now, since I have no interest in playing ballerina, I’m going to go grab a step stool that you’re welcome to use.”

“I might take you up on that offer.” She replied, body finally flopping on the couch behind her. So now she was finally tired.

Credits: Divider by @mikeykuns 💚

[iwoulddieforher]

I’m in LOVE with your Casey x Alex stories!

Who would you think gets jealous/possessive more? How do they handle it?

Are they protective of each other?

Thank you so much!! You all are so sweet and I love that y'all are doing asks now because I'm so talkative hahaha I love rambling like this <3

I think I indirectly answered this in a previous one so I'll add a little bit of a story element to this:

When Alex was a kid, she was an only child, and when her relatives gifted her things like expensive clothing she was taught meticulously to care for her possessions and also assert that they were her's- to write her full name and phone number on the tag, to embroider her last name on the inner hem on both the neckline and the sleeve. The things she feels are her's are very much her's, in a calm and composed way- her laptop is her's and no one may use it, her clothes are her's and she won't let anyone borrow them, Casey is her's and she entertains no arguments on that. She's never aggressively territorial, though, and it would absolutely never seem like she's struggling to assert claim over Casey.

She'd never dare objectify or diminish Casey as an individual by implying Alex 'owns' her in any way, but in the back of her skull it is etched in that Casey is her's to have and she enjoys that. She's possessive in the way that you can borrow her pen but she knows it's hers and she remembers it's hers and she will ask for her pen back. Casey is her's and she is a person who interacts with others freely, Alex would never dare to try to limit the scope of Casey's behavior, actions, or interactions, but there is a degree of some sort of dark thrill when Alex sees Casey with someone else and knows full well Casey's coming home with her tonight. Casey is somewhat aware of this, maybe not fully aware of how deep it goes, but she likes it. It's a turn on, the look in Alex's eyes when she's staring across the room, just oh-so-casually watching Casey talk to some male detective (not Stabler though because those two act like siblings, maybe Fin bc of Neal's hc that they've slept together before), like an adult version of a kid allowing you to inspect their plush toy but then taking it back and hugging it to their chest. They were never insecure about the fact it was theirs to have, not yours, but their attention never leaves it regardless, and they tuck it extra closely after just to assert to you it is theirs.

That's at work, though, if anyone tries to flirt with Casey outside of a professional environment Alex will most definitely clip the conversation short and steer her girl away. She knows Casey is attractive as hell so people are going to try to hit on her but it will absolutely not be entertained at all- not that Casey would ever entertain that kind of behavior, but Alex wouldn't even give her the opportunity to respond, not even to tell that person off. Alex enjoys this to some degree. She knows Casey would bristle and sneer at them that she was taken, but she'd much rather kiss her in front of whoever it was that was making advances.

Casey, on the other hand, grew up with many siblings, and the feeling of tussling to ensure something is her's is something she's well acquainted with. Scrambling against her siblings to get their parent's attention by any means necessary, trying to prove she's the one her teachers should be paying attention too in class- biting her lip when she watches her parents praise one of her older brothers when she knows she's accomplished something more dramatic, averting her gaze when her favorite teacher chooses to start conversation with a different student about their project when she wants to talk about her's. She can get jealous. She does get jealous, even though she doesn't like admitting that to herself. While Alex is very self-assured in her possessiveness, Casey is definitely not.

Similarly to Alex, though, she's very careful not to let her personal feelings ever bleed into their professional conduct at work, or ever pick arguments over something she deems as so juvenile (Alex notices, though, and it makes her mildly amused) but she does little things like staring harshly at someone talking to Alex when Casey wants Alex's attention to be on her instead, or doing something small but extra like making Alex's favorite dessert or finding something legal to help Alex with on cases after something that made her jealous occured so she can be praised after her jealousy has simmered a bit.

At some point Alex brings it up- maybe after Casey's being particularly sassy after Alex had a long conversation with one of Casey's collegues or something like that- and then raises an eyebrow, kissing her until it's very evident Casey in no way has to feel jealous over her attention, that any mind Alex pays to someone other than her is unimportant in to her and Alex is most definitely her's to the same degree that Casey is to Alex (even though Alex will never truly be able to understand the root of Casey's jealousy. They just had different upbringings, is all.) Alex takes extra note to praise Casey for things, then, and to do little things like angling her body to face Casey when they're both in a conversation that includes other people, or outright interjecting conversations she's having with someone else to greet/say goodbye to Casey is she was in the same room and just not participating in the same interaction. Although Casey is still embarrassed that she requires that kind of reassurance, it's really sexy to her that Alex adapted to it so easily.

They're both really protective over eachother. Lawyers are not above gossip but if Alex or Casey is even in the same building as them they know better than to badmouth anything either has done, lest they want the other to somehow suddenly materialize next to them and make some kind of snide comment that would make them feel very, very ashamed for ever thinking anything about the one they originally insulted. The squad knows better than to ever compare Alex to Casey or vice versa, even in the heat of an argument- Liv once made some offhand comment about wishing Alex was on rotation after Casey and her got into one of their usual spats and Alex gave her hell for it. Casey's not above punching a defense counselor who oversteps debate courtesy towards Alex- as soon as the trial is over, of course, she'd never risk a case like that. She'd hold it as a grudge until she could retaliate properly.

[vaspider]

Hi Spider!

Firstly, I’m very sorry you have to deal with all those difficult people in your posts.

Second, could we possibly hear the tale of your ancestor Shotgun Shorty? And great grand pappy who ran off the priest?

If you don’t have the spoons no worries!

Hey look, I'm avoiding real work by answering very old asks and pretending that counts!

(It does count. Shh.)

Shotgun Shorty was my great-grandmother, and the man who ran the priest off of his farm (repeatedly) was my great-granddaddy. They were married to each other and immigrated from Poland together; we suspect, but cannot presently prove, that Agnes may have been born Jewish. (I've done as much poking and prodding about the topic as I can without actually going to Poland, I think, and it only matters so much to me, because I'm Jewish regardless.)

Anyway, they came over to the US shortly after the turn of the 20th century with my great-grandmother's sister & settled in central Pennsylvania. She ran the farm with her sister and the kids who weren't in the mines and had over a dozen children -- I think the final count was fifteen? -- and I think about 2/3 of them made it through childhood, and he worked in the coal mines and also ran the farm. My granddaddy was a breaker boy as a kid (though I grew up hearing it called being a 'picker'). Neither one of them spoke much English and my granddaddy wouldn't let my dad learn whatever they spoke, so most of these stories come through my granddaddy and his siblings to my dad and then to me.

So as you'll note from that little recounting above, most of the time, my great-grandmother and her sister were the adults at the farm. Great-grammy was built like a little teapot - short and stout - and was by all accounts both an absolute force of nature and... let's say "not too enamored of the Catholic Church." I have been given several different reasons why over the years, but suffice to say that neither she nor her husband liked the Catholic Church very much at all.

The nickname Shotgun Shorty started the day that my grandmother chased a vicious dog off the farm with her shotgun, and from there forward, if strangers showed up on the farm, she'd meet them on the front porch, all five feet nothing of her, barefoot, with her shotgun. Stories vary on whether she ever actually fired the thing at anybody, but I have heard multiple stories of warning shots. Again -- it was her and her sister and the kids during the day.

And then there's this guy.

He hated the Catholic Church. He especially hated priests. No, I don't know exactly why -- though, given the things we theorize about my family, I have my guesses -- I just know that he did. He especially especially hated priests asking for money.

And that is how, despite never having been Catholic, my great-grandfather was supposedly excommunicated after the third time he chased a priest off the farm who showed up asking for donations. No, not with a shotgun, that was the province of my great-grandmother. Great-granddaddy chased the priests off of his farm with a pitchfork. Why they kept coming back, I suppose we'll never know, since they're all dead now.

Sometimes I kinda wonder if maybe it was some sort of hazing ritual for new priests or something. "Oh, yeah, sure, go ask up at that farm, they love priests up there!"

[fr3sh-tragedies]

Headcanons

[Raya and the Last Dragon] Raya x Female Reader

Summary: General and romantic headcanons for Raya with a female S/O.

Word Count: 1.63k Content + Warnings: None

Enjoy!

General

Overall, Raya is relatively laidback in terms of temper. Sure, she gets into fights relatively easily, though she usually takes a sarcastic way out of it if she can

With the people she loves and trust, she isn’t afraid to admit when she’s in the wrong in order to deescalate any random argument that might happen between them

With people she despises, however, she wants to be in the right. She may start bickering with them and come across as playful, but she’s internally getting more and more frustrated and will get physical if it gets there

There are times where she has to be pulled back or calmed down in some other way in order to avoid a fight, regardless of the fact she can win the majority of them

Trust is not something that comes easy to her

She had trusted someone blindly once before, and it resulted in the world breaking under the wrath of human discord and, of course, the Druun

After she and the others managed to put the dragon’s gem back together again and the world became Kumandra again, (with the help of Sisu) she learned to start trusting people again

It’s still hard for her, considering she lost everything by trusting the wrong person, but she’s working on it

She can be very patient, though this mainly comes from her years training both under her father’s guidance and while she lived on her own for six years

However, she’s generally only patient with fighting because she knows that she could easily be overpowered if she didn’t choose her steps wisely

With other people, specifically after they’re all brought back from the Druun invasion, she learns to be patient, knowing there’s so much left to fix once everyone’s freed from their stone prisons

This girl is sarcastic, and that’s clear throughout the film, though she knows when to bite back her jokes and snarky remarks

Her humor mainly stems from the way she grew up joking around with her father

Loves dragon-based jokes, though she has to watch which ones she repeats around Sisu

Training was a daily thing for her growing up. She was meant to be the next defender of Heart, so of course she was brought up learning how to do so

Even after her father was petrified by the Druun, she still made sure to make it a daily habit to train on her own, working on her strength and strategy as she grew up alone over the years

She’s not one to back down from a fight, and she unfortunately initiates quite a bit of them because of her distrust in others. Even after she starts to let down her walls when the Druun are defeated, she can be snappy towards other people, even if they aren’t intentionally trying to upset her

Raya is a strong woman, both mentally and physically. She has a good head on her shoulders, and after being hardened by survival the six years she was on her own, her physical strength grew as well

She can hold her own in a fight (granted she’s not bombarded with a large group) and knows when to call for help

Aside from training, I can see her having a few random hobbies here and there. She couldn’t really indulge in them during the six years she was fending for herself, but she was finally able to experiment more after peace was restored to Kumandra

She would definitely like either collecting weaponry or coming up with designs for her own

Reading up about dragons is one of her favorite pastimes, and after she makes amends with Namaari, they’ll both indulge in it together each time the different lands come together for a meal or a meeting

Romantic

Love language (giving) would likely be acts of service and quality time

She enjoys spending time with those she loves, and she wants them to know that she’ll do anything for them, even something as trivial as taking care of their chores for the day

Love language (receiving) would be the same: acts of service and quality time

She wants to know that her girlfriend will do the same for her and is willing to put the same amount of effort into their relationship as she is

Not sure if she’d necessarily be touch-starved, but I also can’t see her being opposed to it as long as it’s offered by someone she loves and trusts

However, because of how much she endured those six years she was left on her own and how many attackers she had to fight off, she might be a little iffy on more intimate gestures of physical affection such as cuddling or sitting in one another’s lap

With a bit of time and patience, she’ll warm up to it and even initiate those forms of affection herself

Because of how isolated she was for years growing up, both before and after the attack of the Druun, she has no experience with romantic relationships

It’s not hard for her to understand how they work, though. She’s a fast learner and is able to tell the right and wrong things to do, as well as how to bring them to light

She’s not really impressed by most gifts, though if you give her something she’s shown interest in – such as a blade she’s had her eye on or a tapestry or book of dragons – she’ll adore it forever

Gifts won’t be refused by her, but she really only cares for them if they actually have a lot of meaning behind them

Arguments with her are random, though they’re usually nothing serious. They’re either small petty bickers, or they’re over something silly like forgetting to fold the laundry or something

However, there are a few times where arguments with her can get bad. If she’s worried that something is going to happen or someone is going to hurt you, she’ll get very protective to the point where she’ll keep you in her room until the threat has passed

Whether or not you know how to fight doesn’t really matter to her in those moments. All she wants to do is keep you safe

She had lost so much so quickly when she was betrayed by Namaari, and although things were fixed over time, she can’t help but still be paranoid here and there

If you grow tire of it and confront her, she’ll initially brush you off and tell you there’s nothing to worry about. If you continue to press her for an explanation, she’ll snap at you and essentially tell you she can’t trust you leaving the room because she won’t be able to keep an eye on you

A few harsh words might be shared in those moments, but once you both take some time apart to breathe and calm down, she’ll return to you with apologies for what she’s said to you

You’ll have to work with her on it, and with a lot of time, understanding, and long breaks to avoid another outburst, she’ll gradually feel more comfortable with you wandering about on your own

Her people are there to look out for each other, and she knows they’ll look out for you too

She’ll put her trust in them, but most of it is put into you

Although she can be fairly awkward at times, she’s able to cheer people up relatively easily, or at the very least she can reassure them about whatever they may be worrying about

There’s no exception to her ability to comfort people when it comes to you

She’ll stop at nothing to make sure you feel safe and happy

If you have any worries about being alone or getting hurt somehow, she’ll stay by your side until you feel better

If you’re feeling insecure about yourself, prepare to be bombarded with compliments and small stories of the things she adores about you

If you’re just having a bad day, she’ll have something set up in the bedroom to make you feel comfortable while you try to unwind for the night (i.e. extra blankets, pillows, your favorite books, a tray with your favorite snacks, etc.)

Dates with her are common, though they’re more casual. She just wants to spend time with you, so even doing something as simple as taking a stroll around the village is considered to be a date in her mind. Here and there, she may take you to Boun’s family ship for a meal, or she’ll pay him a little extra to ride out to the rivers to spend time alone from the entire village

In a normal fight, of course she’s too focused on trying to watch her back to show off. She needs to keep her eyes on the target and make sure she doesn’t leave any part of herself vulnerable

During training, however, she can get a little bit flashy here and there if she knows you’re watching

She might exaggerate some of her movements, throw out a new trick she knows is better visually than it is strategically, or even just flex her arms a bit to show off the muscle she’s built over the years

Ultimately, she’s a great partner. She’ll make sure you’re safe and will do everything in her power to cheer you up, even if it means she ends up getting on someone else’s nerves. There are times where she can get overprotective due to her past, but if you’re willing to put in the time and effort to work through those issues with her, she’s willing to let her guard down and trust you to be left to your own devices, knowing the people in her village are there to look out for you the same way she would

[eatommo]

Send you Flowers [j.g.]{kd20}

Infidelity / Cunnilingus

Cw: infidelity, cheating, Javi is married, implied age gap, mutual pining, sexual tension, Javi the pussy eating king, power imbalance (she’s his assistant/manager), kissing, title and story both reference face/off not sorry,

Javi was married, and that didn’t stop you as quickly or as assuredly as it should’ve. He flirted with you, and you flirted back. He was your boss and a sick part of your brain wanted to know how far you could push him before he fired you or gave in. There was honesty in your relationship, the connection never was severed but nursed, treated like an integral part of your job.

Make Javi laugh, make Javi show up on time, make Javi drool. You excelled.

At first you felt the heat in your body and stamped it out, afraid that you’d develop some schoolgirl crush on the man. When the conversations of your life, of your confidence, of your body grew to have a haze of admiration, and when you couldn’t tell if he was just flattering you for his own selfish gain, or because he actually believed you were the most beautiful women he’d ever seen, regardless you broke.

It was quick and slow at the same time. You were in a hallway talking about the days agenda, you’d be by each other's side, press releases and interviews stretching well into the night hours. You could still smell his morning shower, his lose curls falling onto his forehead as he leaned against the doorframe with his hip, arms crossed as he kept your eyes engaged with his listening intently. “I’ve picked out a few outfits for you to try for the meeting with paramount.”

His eyes knit together, as he looked down at his half buttoned tropical shirt and his tiny European shorts you still hadn’t gotten used to seeing him in, “Why not this? It’s a zoom meeting.”

You don’t hide the way you let your gaze wonder, “It’s nice Javi, if they had already hired you, but for a pitch I think you should have something a little more sophisticated on.”

He tilts his head in consideration, “You think this is too casual? This is a 1,000 euro shirt.” He looks you up and down, “I think those clothes work for you.” he leans in ever so slightly as if whispering the next word into your ear, “Too well even.” He smirks, chewing on his lip “But I am a simple man to work with, ask nicely.”

You bite your own lip in mock frustration, “Please Javi, they should be on your bed.” You point past him, seeing the grey blazer folded neatly untouched at the foot of his bed. His head falls in an exaggerated sigh, before traipsing back into the room with you hot on his heels.

He holds up the fabric and for a moment of horror you think he’s going to put it over the loud fabric he’s already wearing, he tosses it back to the bed and begins to undue the buttons on his shirt.

Seamlessly you busy yourself with the itinerary on your phone, ignoring his undressed figure to the best of your abilities, and thinking about how he said he liked when you dressed professionally for a day of interviews.

He puts the blazer on alone, and doesn’t bother with more than two buttons, the clean plain of his chest is tantalizing and looks effortless and sharp at the same time.

“Have you seen Face/off?” Javi gets your attention quickly, you’ve seen it of course, multiple times, even more than once with Javi on planes.

“You know I have.” You smile fondly at the memories of working with Javi on his first film, and the ‘required’ viewing of his favorite Cage films.

Javi muses, “We’ve seen many good movies together.” He steps closer and your breath catches in your throat. “We’ve done many great things together.” You nod quietly, enraptured by the husky seriousness, “What’s one more?”

You let your brows pinch together, not wanting to commit fully to anything, before the air is stolen from your lungs in a deep sensual kiss. He licks into your mouth as if he’s been craving your taste for years. You can’t get enough of him, your phone falls onto the bed on top of his shirt, and you press up against him. When he touches you it’s like all those conversations have been replaying in his head on loop. He knows you like your hair pulled, he knows your neck is sensitive, he knows you like it when a man is rough with you.

If those conversations felt like a sin then, they sure as hell are feeling like heaven now. He pulls your head to the side with a fist knotting against your scalp, and scrapes his teeth down the side of your neck. The movement causes you to shudder, taking a deep breath as your heart hammer away in your chest. You want him, lord have mercy you want him, the hang up on your professional relationship has been all but gone for the longest time. You’ve been waiting for him, the married man to make the final move. He’s done with waiting.

He takes the collar of your blouse in his free hand tearing it from your body in a cacophony of buttons clanging onto the floor of his room. He grunts, letting the skin of your chest warm his hands as he strokes over the top of your bra, teasing the flesh of your nipples to a peak without even touching them.

He can mark you, he knows you want him to, sinking his teeth into the flesh of your breast he pins your body to his. The swell of his cock so strikingly obvious in his tiny shorts. You reach for him, losing your logical brain with each flick of his tongue against the bruises he leaves on your chest.

He knows so much about you, and in return in the same immoral way, you know how much he likes to eat pussy. It’s no surprise when you’re on your back, his hands running over the pantyhose, digging his nails into the thin fabric and tearing small holes into it. You protest but he shushes you. Kissing your ankle, he grips your leg bending it to his will, and tucking himself between your legs. “I bet I could make you cum just like this baby, with your clothes still on.” You groan, the thought as pleasant as it seems was also likely tangible, you were feeling like a hot coil had settled into your belly and that you were ready to burst at any given moment. “We don’t have time Javi.” You speak merely in interest of wanting to get done before you were interrupted one way or another.

“I know baby.” He kisses the tops of your thighs, you can feel the plush skin of his lips through the tears. “Next time.” He tears a hole through one leg, immediately kissing and laving at the supple skin with his tongue before tearing the other leg free and throwing the ruin pile of pantyhose over his shoulder.

He continues to press your legs open, strong hands gripping onto your thighs hard enough to leave bruises. He kisses over your sex, letting the scrap of underwear dampen the feeling until he can feel you tilt and cant your hips against his face. Begging silently to experience everything he’s put in your mind over years of sexual tension and stories under the guise of a casual friendship. Your underwear is off the second you ask, his mouth is on you as hungry as the first kiss.

Licking flat stripes up your center, dipping into your sex and gathering the sweet taste of your slick on his tongue before letting it dribble over the tight swollen bud of your clit. He circles it with his lips, sucking and flicking with his tongue until your hand finds its way into his hair and not letting up until you beg for him to stop, spent and grateful.

[llyfrenfys]

On Cadi as the Welsh equivalent of Queer

(image: screenshot of the entry for Cadi in Geiriadur Prifysgol Cymru)

Some of you may already know this, but for those who don't, Cadi is a Welsh word which is analogous to the word Queer in English. I say analogous, since their meanings aren't quite a 1:1 match. But for shorthand, Welsh equivalent of Queer sums 90% of it up.

It has been suggested tentatively by some to use Cadi as the Welsh translation of Queer. I'm going to explore arguments for and against, but ultimately the choice to use/not use Cadi as a 1:1 with Queer is entirely up to you. Warning that this post is quite long, but I do hope you'll stick with it- please let me know what you think in the notes!

Without further ado, let's get into it:

Definition of Cadi:

Cadi is a term which has existed in Welsh since the 17th Century (roughly) and generally refers to effeminacy in men (real or perceived). Over time, the meaning of the term has expanded to refer to other (Queer) things as well. But the term itself largely has been applied to Queer men and queer masculinities through time.

The term itself derives from the girl's name Catrin and you will come across women who call themselves Cadi as a shortening of their name (like Liz from Elizabeth and so on). In this way, there is a strong point of comparison to be had with the English queer pejorative Nancy, which also derives from a girl's name.

Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer?

So now to the real meat of the post. Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer? The answer to that is, unsurprisingly, complicated.

As described above, Cadi is a term which has had strong associations with male effeminacy (real or perceived) and has close parallels to the English term Nancy, which is also nearly exclusively applied to Queer men and masculinities. What this presents is a quandary and I'll explain what I mean by that. But first, we need to outline the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology in general (in the West).

LGBTQIA+ Terminology and the inclination towards cis gay language:

This is a huge huge topic which I cannot possibly do justice to here alone, so I'd highly recommend reading up on these topics when you have time, but for the sake of brevity, here is a tldr on the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology (slightly UK-centric but similar events also happened in the US and Canada, as well as other parts of Europe).

Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) is a British Lesbian and Gay rights organisation founded in the 1960s, during a time of great social and political change. The organisation's membership grew and grew well into the 70s before declining in the 80s. It was during this time that some lesbian members of the organisation left citing erasure of lesbian issues and misogyny in the movement. CHE and similar gay and lesbian rights movements in this period had been inclined to centre gay men's issues in their activism, which understandably led to many lesbians feeling alienated. Some lesbians left in the late 70s and early 80s and began to form their own advocacy groups. This indirectly fed into a wider feminist upheaval at the time and led to the rise of lesbian feminism, which aimed to centre lesbian issues within feminism, but unfortunately (for complex historical reasons) did then contribute to the proliferation of rad\ical femi\nism within the Queer community, which then unfortunately contributed to the rise of tra\ns exclu\sionary rad\ical fem\inism. Regardless of the unfortunate rise of transphobia within the lesbian feminist movement, the original catalyst for the formation of these groups was a sense of alienation from the rest of the Queer community because gay men's issues had been prioritised over lesbian issues, when both could have been tackled together, with each other. This alienation was echoed in the names of organisations and events- many early homosexual rights groups only had homosexual or gay in their group names. It took many years before advocacy groups started adding 'and lesbian' to their names and events.

(For further reading, I would suggest watching this video by Verilybitchie about the history of lesbian erasure in homosexual advocacy and how that led to (some) lesbian groups excluding bi and trans people in the same way they were excluded by gay men)

What does that history mean for Cadi?:

Because of a history of lesbian (and by extension, women's) exclusion from homosexual advocacy groups, is Cadi the best term to use as a catch-all given its strong associations with men's expressions of Queerness? (namely, that as a pejorative it is largely aimed at femininity in men and subsequent assumed homosexuality). It is important to consider if using Cadi as an equivalent of Queer would centre a (typically cis) gay experience/expression of Queerness and if that would alienate other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

However, a counterpoint to this would be that there are variations of the term Cadi which do include other experiences of Queerness:

Cadi ffan (similar to just 'Cadi')- typically used to describe femininity in men and boys [N. Wales]

Cadi genod/ Cadi merched (similar to above) - effeminate man/boy [N. Wales]

Cadi bechgyn - Romping girl, tomboy [N. Wales]

Cati fachgen - (similar to above)- Romping girl, tomboy [S. Wales]

Cadi Haf - Male maypole dancer dressed as a girl

They are, however, somewhat limited for use in reclamation and have to be qualified by another noun to indicate diversion from the original term's meaning.

But when talking about the term Cadi, we often speak in the abstract- without the context in which the term is used. So here are a few extracts from texts which use the term Cadi (or variants). Since this is a mostly spoken slang term, it doesn't turn up in print often, but there are a few examples to draw on.

Examples of Cadi in texts:

Page 164- Cwm Eithin by Hugh Evans (1931):

"DAWNSIO HAF Ceir darnodiad o'r ddefod hynafol dawnsio haf yn Y Gwyl- fedydd, 1823, tudal. 306, gan un a'i geilw ei hun “ Callestrwr,” fel yr arferid hi yn Callestr (Fflint, mae'n debyg). Ym mis Ebrill arferai o ddwsin i ugain o bobl ieuainc ymuno i baratoi ar gyfer y ddawns. Gwisgai'r dawnswyr eu crysau yn uchaf wedi eu haddurno ag ysnodennau a blodau. Cariai'r arweinydd fforch bren ar lun y llythyren Y. Gwnïid lliain o'r naill fraich i'r llall, ac addurnid y fforch ag amryw lestri arian, tebotiau, llwyau, cigweiniau, efc. Byddai gyda hwy grythor yn ei ddillad ei hun, “cadi” mewn gwisg merch, ac ynfytyn mewn gwisg ryfedd â phlu yn ei ben"

[emphasis mine]

This extract is the author's account of Dawnsio Haf- a Summer dance held on May Day and his investigations into it. At his time of writing (1931) the practice has died out, but later in this chapter he interviews an old woman from the Conwy Valley who participated in the dances as a child. Evans draws upon a source from 1823 for his description of Dawnsio Haf. In it, he mentions that 20 young dancers meet up for the dance wearing shirts decorated with ribbons and flowers. A leader carries a fork in the shape of the letter "Y"- between each point on the "Y" a cloth was strung with silverware dangling from it to make noise. With the 20 dancers would be a crwth-player (crythor), a Cadi in women's clothes and a fool with a feather on his cap and odd clothes.

This usage is quite archaic and refers to a folk dance- much like mumming or morris-dancing. There is however, a picture in the People's Collection Wales titled 'Cadi'r Big' taken by the prolific photographer John Tomas c. 1875, near Y Ro-wen:

Which is very interesting as Cadi'r Big has dried flowers and ribbons attached to their clothes, much like in the description in Cwm Eithin. This is very likely a picture of a "Cadi" from a Dawnsio Haf.

Page 4- Y Ddraig Binc Issue 4 (1994):

Y Ddraig Binc was a Welsh-language Queer magazine published by CYLCH, a gay and lesbian rights organisation based in Aberystwyth. The term Cadi-ffan is included in an article about the commercialisation of Queer identity in the magazine's fourth edition.

"...Nawr te, medd wrtho’i hun, be’ gymera’ i’r mis hwn, copi o GQ ynte Arena neu ydw i, efallai, yn teimlo’n ddigon ifanc a trendi am Sky? Ond aros funud, beth yw hyn? Dau gylchgrawn steil newydd a gwynt digamsyniol cadi-ffan arnyn nhw?

Ydy, mae’r hyn a oedd y tu hwnt i ddychymyg wedi digwydd. Mae grymoedd y farchnad rydd a chystadleuaeth wedi cyrraedd y byd cyhoeddi hoyw - rhaid bod Lêdi T wrth ei bodd. Nawr fe gaiff llanc hoyw ddewis o ddeunydd darllen sgleiniog, llawn erthyglau a hysbysebion yn arbennig ar ei gyfer ef a’i rywioldeb. Hwrê! Fedr hynny ddim bod yn beth drwg. Neu a fedr o?..."

[emphasis mine]

This humorous article (dealing with an important topic, mind) pokes fun at the arrival of Queer commercialisation. The article opens by explaining that there's a ruckus in the gay world (and not two old queens getting into fisticuffs)- but that this ruckus is taking place at WHSmith (UK stationery shop and newsagents)- apparent winner of this year's most vulgar uniform award. The author goes on to describe a hypothetical situation in which a gay man walks into a WHSmith to buy a magazine. He wonders whether to get a copy of GQ or Arena (men's style magazines- remember this was published in Section 28 Era so explicitly gay magazines were not common) or is he trendy enough to read Sky? (film and tv magazine). But wait- what's this? Two new style magazines with a whiff of Cadi-ffan about them? The author explains that yes, the unimaginable has happened. The forces of the free market and competition have reached the world of gay publishing.

Now a gay youth has the choice of glossy reading material, full of articles and advertisements especially for him and his sexuality. Hooray! That can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Writes the author. The article is very witty and I recommend a read (find a pdf copy here). But the usage of Cadi-ffan here is very much in a reclaimed sense. Though it must be noted that the story is told through a stereotypical cis gay lens.

Conclusions:

As I said at the start of this post, you are free to claim or not claim Cadi as you wish. However, as awareness of Welsh LGBTQIA+ terminology increases, I wanted to raise important questions and start a conversation about the words we have, what we want them to be and how they have been used against us. I hope in any case that this post has been interesting to you. If it has, please reblog this or add any comments/thoughts in the notes, tags or in my asks.

Beth yw eich barn chi? I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this and start a conversation about it! Diolch am ddarllen

[amongthebooks]

did you miss me?

FANDOM: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II/III (Reboot)

PAIRING: Simon 'Ghost' Riley / John 'Soap' MacTavish (SoapGhost)

WORD COUNT: 870 words

-----------------------------------

Thinking about Soap and Ghost who constantly greet each other by asking “Did you miss me?”

It started off small. 

The phrase first spoken whenever Soap joined Ghost for breakfast at their usual booth. Every morning he’d slide in on the same side, knocking knees with the other man as they squished together despite the empty bench on the other side. 

“Did you miss me?” Soap would ask, even though they had only spent a night’s rest apart. Even though the previous day was spent entirely in one another’s company.

Ghost was no better, using the phrase whenever he entered a room - regardless of how long it had been since he had left it. How could he not, when Soap would always perk up at his return each time?

It didn't matter if he left for a few minutes to use the bathroom, or to grab paperwork from his office, or what. Without fail, he’d always slot himself back at Soap’s side, a hidden smirk pulling at his lips.

“Miss me, Johnny?”

Neither knew exactly how it started. If it was meant to be a joke or if a sincere question hid beneath those words. 

Honestly, it took surprisingly little before it became second nature. The question was their thing. And the more they used it, the more its meaning grew. 

When the 141 were wrapping up a week long mission- one where they all ended up split between the supporting units- it was Ghost who pushed through the sea of soldiers until he was at Soap’s side again. Eyes raking over the man’s mud-stained gear for any signs of a wound in his absence. 

“ ‘d you miss me, sergeant?” Ghost asked. His tone made it seem like just another question asked by the superior, though it didn’t stop the underlying check-in from coming through.

Are you hurt?

And despite the fact they weren’t yet on safe soil, still locked into their commanding roles, the tension visibly released from both of their shoulders at the realization that they had made it to exfil safe.

“Don’t think there was enough time for that, sir,” Soap quipped without missing a beat.

I’m solid, now.

When the team was sent on mandatory leave– most of them returning to their families for the duration– it was Soap who constantly checked on Ghost. Knowing that the man would have chosen to spend their break back on base. 

Somehow, he seemed to constantly run into things that reminded him of his lieutenant, and never hesitated to call him about it. Each time, the phone would only ring once before Ghost answered. As if he was waiting for their daily chat. 

Right before he’d dive into a story about a ghost-themed trinket he saw, or a new restaurant he tried, or an animal he ran into, Soap would always start by asking–

“Miss me yet?” His singsong voice never failing to get a chuckle out of Ghost. 

Is everything alright?

“You’re the one that can’t seem to stay away,” the man would respond on the other side of the line. Despite knowing that he was about to happily listen for hours as Soap updated him about his day. 

Thank you for checking in on me.

Again, and again, and again they fell into the familiar cycle of always checking in with each other. Always coming up with a reason. There was nothing ever official between them, but it served as reassurance and comfort all the same. The care that they showed one another was just so clear. 

Things finally progressed when the two of them were sent on back to back solo ops, forced to go months without seeing each other. 

Soap barely waited for the helo to touch down before finding his way to Ghost’s door. It was late, and he knew his arrival wouldn’t have been shared with the team yet, but that didn’t stop him from knocking anyway. 

The door opened by the third tap, revealing a surprised Brit on the other side. There were clear bags under his eyes, and curls poking out from his mask that was haphazardly thrown on. No doubt having been woken from deep sleep. 

But it didn’t stop Ghost’s expression from softening as he wordlessly stepped aside, letting Soap into his space before shuffling back to bed. He trusted Soap enough to not need to keep an eye on him as he did whatever he came for. 

When he felt the bed dip minutes later, rolling over to accommodate Soap after his gear was removed, Ghost simply threw an arm over the other man. It was the first time they had shared a bed, but the milestone felt nothing but natural. 

As they held each other tightly, making up for their time spent separated, Ghost mumbled fondly into the darkness-

“I missed you.”

And the body that curled around him whispered just as sweet, “I missed you too.”

[cosmicbolognesa]

Fanfic! Dae-Ho x y/n pt 2/? (English & Spanish version) ''Bet on us'' / ''Apuesta por nosotros''

Fanfic! Dae-Ho x y/n 2/? Part 1: https://acortar.link/sV8saL

ENGLISH VERSION;

|| Things to consider when reading this fanfic: 🠊 You are taking the place of Young-mi, player 095. You’re not replacing her; she simply doesn’t exist, and you have her player number. 🠊 I try to keep the pronouns neutral so you can read comfortably regardless of your gender identity. 🠊 This is completely out of canon, and the characters do not belong to me as they are from the Netflix series "Squid Game."

🠊 Dae-Ho and you have been dating for almost a year. After moving in together, your financial situation has gone through a lot, and both of you have reached a breaking point. Overwhelmed by debt, each of you decides—separately—to join the games offered by a certain man in a suit and carrying a briefcase… without telling the other. Unfortunately, you reunite after the first game. ||

As you moved through the large room, you noticed in the distance how your partner seemed to be trying to approach a small group, much like other players apparently led by player 001, seeking advice. For your part, you didn’t feel ready to approach anyone yet. You looked around, weighing the odds and the faces of the people: dejected, hostile, absent...

You sighed, your fingers gripping the edge of your food can. That’s when, before heading toward the purple-haired boy who seemed to be oddly enjoying himself, you heard Dae-Ho call out to you enthusiastically from afar.

“Come here, come!” he said, not far from the small group around player 456. He gestured for you to join him, his energy unmistakable. You decided to go, and as soon as you arrived, he introduced you excitedly to a slightly older man, perhaps the age of your father or an uncle, with a kind demeanor and a faintly amused expression at Dae-Ho’s overflowing enthusiasm. Apparently, the excitement grew when he mentioned having been in the navy too. The stranger greeted you and nodded toward the “leader” of the apparent gang. This leader barely acknowledged you with a curt nod. There were no further introductions or names exchanged. A third person waved at you, and that’s when everyone turned at the sound behind them: the purple-haired young man and a long-haired guy were taking turns kicking someone on the floor.

You heard Dae-Ho comment on the vigor of youth, and you suppressed a smile since you weren’t much older than those two. The situation seemed serious, though everyone limited themselves to just watching, not interfering.

You were about to whisper to Dae-Ho that he shouldn’t get involved either when player 001 got up and descended the few steps toward the trio. Everything happened quickly, and in a matter of seconds, he had subdued them and restored what little order remained. The way he took control of the situation was, at the very least, admirable, and you joined in the applause that followed.

When he returned to your group, the conversation resumed. “Once again, we appreciate you letting us join your team,” you said later. “I’m sure we’ll make it out alive if we follow your instructions,” you added, looking at 456. “We’ll give it our all.” The other ex-marine chuckled and gave Dae-Ho a pat on the arm. “I see you share the same spirit!” he said, nodding at you.

Dae-Ho nodded energetically. “Of course we do! Not for nothing we…” But before he could finish, you stood up and interrupted.

“I think we should get ready to rest… and be prepared for tomorrow.”

The others seemed to agree and headed to their bunks. As for you, you walked a few beds away, Dae-Ho pulling your wrist as you went.

“Hey, wait…” he began, letting go of you in a quiet corner. “What was that? Can’t I say who we are?” he asked. His tone wasn’t harsh, but you could sense a hint of hurt in his words.

“Dae-Ho, don’t tell me you’re fully trusting them… We can’t share our personal lives with people whose names we don’t even know,” you replied, shrugging. “We’re in a competition. It’d be better not to trust anyone completely, don’t you think?”

“Look, I know we’re not on vacation here,” he said, placing his hands gently on your shoulders. “But we can’t be entirely defensive either. I think we have a better chance of survival with a good team, and that man has played before…”

“Yes, and he himself said everyone ended up dead. How are we supposed to trust someone who willingly got himself back in here?” You softly pushed his hands off your shoulders. “I only care about you and keeping us alive. For now, let’s just try to rest.”

You were heading toward one of the empty beds when he stopped you by tugging on the sleeve of your sweater as you passed.

“Okay, fine. We’ll do it your way, but don’t forget… I love you,” he murmured before retreating to an empty spot.

Maybe you were too harsh on him, but this wasn’t a place where you could let your guard down. Finally, you chose a bed near his, and as you settled into the thin sheets, you whispered, “I love you too,” before exhaustion took over.

You slept without truly resting, waking to a light touch on your shoulder and the loud sound of classical music. Groaning, you rolled over and pulled the pillow over your head.

“Turn it off, Dae-Ho. It’s early. Let me sleep a little longer,” you muttered.

Though you couldn’t see him from your position, he gave you a sad smile. “I wish I could… Come on, you need to get up. Today we’ll leave this place, and soon, you’ll be able to sleep as much as you want,” he said softly.

The weight of his words and the grim reality of where you were hit you hard. With a sigh, you climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom to splash water on your face. Afterward, you rejoined the small group, who were now discussing strategy. They agreed that if everything went well, they should choose the triangle for the next game.

All the players were led up the brightly colored pink, yellow, and blue stairs, with guards watching every corner. Dae-Ho walked behind you, whispering words of encouragement—perhaps meant for you, for himself, or both.

When you reached the next game’s setting, it looked like a giant kindergarten playground, with two large rainbow-colored circles painted on the ground.

“This game will be played in teams. You have ten minutes to form your groups. Each team must have five players,” the speakers announced.

A wave of dread washed over you. This wasn’t the game that man had mentioned. Doubt filled your mind, just as it did for others, evident in their questioning glances.

“I thought you said you’ve been here before!” shouted player 100, confronting 456. “You said you knew the next game, but you lied!”

Despite having a thousand questions and fears of your own, the older man’s anger annoyed you. Fortunately, player 001 silenced him effortlessly, and the group refocused on the task at hand.

“Well… there are five of us. Let’s stick together,” suggested the ex-marine.

“Yes, please. I’ll risk my life if I must,” Dae-Ho quickly added, earning a pat on the back as the man nodded.

Before they could delve into speculating about what type of game awaited, a frail-looking young woman approached, asking if their group had room for one more.

“Sorry, we’re full and…” began Jung-bae, but the woman interrupted, desperation tinting her voice.

“Please, I can’t find a team, and I’m pregnant. I’m begging you,” she pleaded, placing a hand on her stomach. You noticed she wasn’t lying.

Words spilled from your mouth before you could stop yourself.

“You can take my place.”

Four pairs of eyes stared at you in disbelief, while one looked at you with gratitude.

“What are you…?” Dae-Ho began, moving closer to you. You quickly pushed him aside, speaking in hushed tones. “We’ll have a better chance if we split up. Trust me, okay?”

Not giving him a chance to respond, you turned back to the group. “Take her in. I’ll find another team. Don’t worry about me,” you assured them before running off.

Two minutes remained to find a group.

Your heart raced as you moved through the crowd of players, scanning for anyone missing members. You spotted a tall woman with short hair wearing number 120 on her sweatshirt.

“Hey, excuse me, do you need another teammate?” you asked, your voice tinged with urgency.

Relief washed over her face, and she nodded. “Yes, of course… Let’s find more people,” she replied gently, though desperation lingered in her tone.

Eventually, you managed to recruit an older woman and her son. With less than a minute remaining, a bold-looking woman with heavily lined eyes and colorful bracelets approached. She eyed your group up and down disdainfully.

“You idiots! Making me wait like this… You should’ve invited me earlier! I ought to stab you…”

You already disliked her, but with time running out, she became your group’s fifth member.

A loud beep signaled the end of the timer. Guards began organizing the teams, seating them in neat rows. The game was announced as a “five-legged race,” featuring five mini-games. You recognized them from your childhood, as likely did your teammates.

Once seated, you stole a glance at Dae-Ho, sitting rows away. His eyes were locked on you. You tried to nod, mouthing, “We’ll be fine,” though you weren’t entirely convinced yourself.

SPANISH VERSION;

|| Cosas a tener en cuenta al leer este fanfic: 🠊 Estás tomando el lugar de Young-mi, la jugadora 095. No la reemplazas, simplemente ella no existe, y tú tienes su número de jugador 🠊 Intento mantener los pronombres neutros, para que puedas leer cómodamente sin importar tu identidad de género. 🠊 Es totalmente outcannon y los personajes NO me pertenecen, ya que son del mundo de la serie de Netflix ''Squid game''

🠊Dae-Ho y tu llevan casi un año saliendo como pareja; a raíz de haberse mudado juntos, su situación económica ha pasado por mucho, y ambos llegaron a un punto crítico. Con tantas deudas, cada uno decide, por separado, entrar a los juegos que cierto hombre de traje y portafolio les invita…sin decírselo mutuamente. Lamentablemente, ambos se reencuentran después del primer juego. ||

Mientras te movías por la enorme habitación, pudiste observar a la distancia cómo tu pareja parecía intentar acercarse al pequeño grupo, de la misma forma que otros jugadores, al parecer liderados por el número 001, en busca de consejos. Por tu parte, no pareces animarte a acercarte a nadie, no aún. Miras a tu alrededor, sopesando las probabilidades y los rostros de la gente; desconsolados, hostiles, ausentes…

Suspiras, y tus dedos aprietan ligeramente tu lata de comida. Es entonces cuando, antes de acercarte al chico de cabello morado que parece incluso disfrutar el estar ahí, escuchas a Dae-Ho llamarte a lo lejos, con entusiasmo.

—¡Ven aquí, ven! — dice, no muy lejos del pequeño grupo del jugador 456. Te hace algunas señas, aparentemente animado. Tú decides ir y, ni bien has llegado, te presenta con emoción a un hombre levemente mayor, quizá de la edad de tu padre o un tío, pero con aspecto amable y levemente divertido ante el derrame de energía que Dae-Ho parece tener. Al parecer, la emoción crece al señalar que ha estado también en la marina. El desconocido te saluda y señala al ''líder'' de la aparente pandilla. Este no parece reaccionar, más allá de asentir secamente con la cabeza. No hay presentaciones más allá, ni nombres. La tercera persona te saluda moviendo la mano, y es entonces cuando todos se giran ante el sonido a sus espaldas; el joven de cabello púrpura y el tipo de cabello largo están golpeando a otro, turnándose para patearlo en el suelo. Escuchas a tu pareja hablar sobre la energía juvenil, y reprimes una sonrisa porque ustedes mismos no son mucho mayores que ese par. La situación parece seria, aunque todos se limitan a ver, sin interferir.

Tú estás a punto de susurrar a Dae-Ho que él tampoco se acerque, cuando el jugador 001 ya se ha levantado y baja los pocos escalones, en dirección a aquellos tres. Todo sucede muy rápido y, en cuestión de segundos, ya los ha dejado en el piso y ha restaurado el poco orden que había. La manera en que ha tomado el control de todo es, como menos, admirable, y te unes a los aplausos que le brindan. Cuando regresa con ustedes, la conversación se reanuda. —Nuevamente, les agradezco por dejarnos estar en su equipo— repites más tarde — seguro podremos salir de aquí con vida, si seguimos sus instrucciones— añades, mirando a 456. —Nos esforzaremos en todo— el otro ex marino se permite reí un poco, y le palmea un brazo a Dae-Ho — ¡Veo que comparten el espíritu! — dice, señalándote con la cabeza. El asiente enérgicamente. —¡Claro que sí! No por nada nosotros…— pero antes de que Dae-Ho continúe, te pones de pie e interrumpes —Creo que deberíamos prepararnos para descansar…y estar listos para mañana—. Los demás parecen estar de acuerdo y se dirigen a sus camas. Por tu parte, vas unas pocas literas más allá, Dae-Ho tirando de tu muñeca mientras caminan. —Eh, oye…— comienza, cuando te suelta por fin en una parte a solas — ¿qué ha sido eso? ¿Es que no puedo decir lo que somos? — pregunta. Aunque está un poco contrariado, percibes cierto dolor en sus palabras.

—Dae-Ho, no me digas que estás confiando totalmente en ellos…no podemos estar contando nuestra vida, ni siquiera sabemos sus nombres— repones, encogiéndote de hombros— no podemos contar cosas personales. Además, recuerda que estamos compitiendo, sería mejor no confiar totalmente en los demás ¿no crees? —.

—Escucha, sé que no estamos aquí de vacaciones ni de paseo — responde él, colocando ambas manos sobre tus hombros, siempre con suavidad— pero no podemos estar a la defensiva tampoco. Creo que podemos tener más probabilidades de salir con vida si tenemos un buen equipo, y ese hombre ya ha jugado antes…—.

—Sí, y él mismo ha dicho que todos acabaron muertos. ¿Cómo vamos a creer todo lo que dice, si él mismo volvió a meterse aquí por gusto? — niegas suavemente, apartándote de su toque— Sólo me importas tú, y mantenernos vivos…por ahora, intentemos descansar— estás por regresar a una de las camas vacías, cuando él te detiene, sujetándote por la manga de tu sudadera al pasar.

—Oye, está bien. Lo haremos a tu manera, pero no olvides que te quiero— murmura, antes de volver y ocupar uno de los sitios libres.

Quizá has sido muy severo con él, pero tampoco es que puedas relajarte en un sitio como ese. Al final, eliges una cama junto a la de él y, mientras te acomodas entre las sábanas, lo miras y susurras — yo también te quiero— antes de permitir que el cansancio te invada.

Duermes sin descansar realmente, pero te despierta un suave toque en el hombro, y escuchas música clásica a un volumen fuerte. Te estiras y ruedas, cubriéndote la cabeza con la almohada. —Apaga eso, Dae-Ho. Es temprano, déjame dormir otro poco— gruñes. Desde aquella posición no puedes verlo, pero el más alto te dedica una sonrisa triste, antes de responder. — Ojalá pudiera hacerlo…vamos, tienes que levantarte. Hoy nos iremos de aquí y pronto vas a poder dormir todo lo que quieras— responde. Es entonces cuando el peso de sus palabras y la realidad de dónde te encuentras te golpean. Suspiras y, una vez fuera de la cama, te diriges al baño para mojarte el rostro e intentar despabilarte. Al regresar, te reúnes con el pequeño grupo y vuelven a acordar que, si todo sale bien, necesitan elegir la figura del triángulo para el siguiente juego.

Todos los jugadores se encaminan a través de aquellas escaleras de colores rosa, amarillo y azul, con guardias vigilando en cada rincón. Dae-Ho camina detrás de ti, susurrando cada poco palabras de ánimo que no sabes si son para ti o para sí mismo. Tal vez para ambos. Cuando llegan al campo de juego, se encuentran con lo que parece un patio del jardín de infantes, con dos enromes círculos de arcoíris pintados en el suelo.

''Este juego será en equipos; tienen diez minutos para juntarse. Deben ser cinco personas por equipo'' dicen los altavoces. El estómago te duele; ese no es el juego que aquel hombre dijo, y te giras hacia él con duda en los ojos, al igual que otras personas. Las instrucciones se repiten y el tiempo comienza a correr.

—¡Dijiste que ya habías venido! — grita el hombre con el número 100, encarando al 456 —¡Dijiste que sabías qué juego sigue, y nos mentiste! —. Pese a que tienes mil preguntas y miedo, la voz y el derecho de aquel viejo hombre te irritan. Afortunadamente, 001 lo hace callar fácilmente, y vuelven a concentrarse en qué hacer.

—Bueno…somos cinco personas. Hagamos equipo entonces— dice el ex marino. —Sí, por favor. Arriesgaré mi vida si es necesario— dice Dae-Ho enseguida, y el otro le palmea mientras asiente. Sin embargo, antes de comenzar a discutir sobre qué clase de juego puede aguardarles, una joven de aspecto frágil se acerca a ustedes, preguntando si están completos o puede unirse. No la culpas, ya que estás un poco separado de ellos, mirando a tu alrededor. —Ah, lo siento, ya estamos completos y…— empieza Jung-bae. Pero la joven interrumpe, ahora con un tinte de desesperación en sus palabras— por favor, no encuentro equipo, y estoy embarazada. Se los suplico— ella se toca el vientre, y puedes ver que es cierto. Tu boca se abre y las palabras brotan antes de darte cuenta.

—Puedes tomar mi lugar— cuatro pares de ojos te miran con incredulidad, y uno más con agradecimiento. —¿Qué estás…?— empieza Dae-Ho, acercándose a ti. Tú lo empujas apresuradamente a un lado, para hablarle con rapidez —Tendremos más probabilidades de ganar si nos dividimos, confía en lo que hago ¿está bien?— no lo dejas responder y vuelves a dirigirte a los otros —Pueden acogerla, buscaré otro equipo, por favor no se preocupen— y echas a correr. Te quedan dos minutos para encontrar equipo.

Tu corazón late con rapidez mientras te mueves entre los demás jugadores, buscando a quien le falten miembros. A lo lejos ves a una mujer alta, de cabello corto. Lleva el número 120 en la sudadera. Te acercas a ella, esperando que puedas integrarte. —Oye, disculpa ¿te gustaría formar equipo? — le preguntas. Como respuesta, ella parece aliviada y asiente. —Por supuesto…— su tono es gentil, aunque también parece tan desesperada como tú. —Ven, busquemos a más personas—.

Al final, consiguen a aquella mujer mayor y a su hijo. Les queda menos de un minuto, y es cuando una mujer de ojos delineados y pulseras de colores se acerca a ustedes. Los mira de arriba hacia abajo, con suficiencia. —Idiotas insolentes, estúpidos a los que les gusta hacerme esperar ¡debieron invitarme a su equipo desde antes! Debería acuchillarlos…—.

Ella ya te desagrada lo suficiente con semejante presentación, pero no hay más tiempo, así que es la quinta en unirse a ustedes. Escuchan un pitido del reloj, y los guardias comienzan a ordenar los equipos para que se sienten en el suelo, en filas ordenadas; van a jugar a una carrera de ''cinco piernas'', superando cinco minijuegos. Los conoces, llegaste a jugarlos en tu infancia, probablemente igual que tus compañeros. Un par de veces miras a Dae-Ho, filas lejos de ti, su mirada puesta en ti. Intentas asentirle un par de veces, tratando de articular las palabras ''estaremos bien'', aunque no lo crees del todo.

[cryptictongues]

Beyond Our Vessels

pairing: Barnabas Tharmr x Sleipnir Harbard x Fem!Reader rating: Explicit (MINORS DNI; 18+) word count: 4.4k summary: Barnabas lets you and Sleipnir enjoy each other and realizes something along the way.

warnings: porn without plot (this is pretty self-indulgent LOL), polyamory, threesome, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, minor pain play, making out, body worship, voyeurism

Author's Note: Spoilers about Barnabas's background and connections, and some mentions of things revealed from FFXVI Ultimania. Going to put an Ultimania spoiler note at the end for those interested. Nothing crazy, but of course read with caution!

Also, I wrote this in Barnabas's POV so please forgive me if some parts sound strange. It is something new I'm trying out.

[AO3 link]

Barnabas Tharmr is a patient man. Through his stoicism and endurance, he has learned that patience is everything and in time the things he commands will fall into place. While others are one step ahead, he is three steps further; calculating every possible move that would fall into his lap and how he would bend it to his liking. He is patient because he knows he is always in control, which brings him to the displays of affection happening right before him. 

Here he is sitting in his chair in the corner of his chambers, watching you and Sleipnir kiss hungrily: with Sleipnir on top of you palming at your breasts, while you keep your hands in his silver hair and rub your thighs together to relieve the want stirring between them. To see the both of you so needy for one another, the two people he trusts and loves with his whole being, is the most beautiful thing he has ever witnessed. 

Barnabas Tharmr can’t deny that he is a possessive man, especially when it comes to you. So much as a look from another man in your direction is a reason for punishment of the highest order, as no one is to look at you with such lust and need. You are his, and his alone… until now.

Barnabas had found you during his time in Kanver after their fight for independence was over. You were a barmaid, serving ale to the Kanver army and citizens in celebration. He was captivated by many things: the way you made barmaid garb look elegant and how you had the voice of an angel when you sang songs local to the area, just to name a couple. However, the one thing that absolutely drove him mad was the innocence you exuded; an innocence he so desperately wanted to break… and he did just that. He brought you to his kingdom, made you his queen, spoiled you with all the luxuries he could grant you, and had you submit to him at your own will, which you willingly gave away with his own when you both became Akashic to better serve his Master. Since then, you and Sleipnir have been the only two members in his council that mattered; everyone else disposable.

You and Sleipnir’s devotion to him is undeniable, serving him in all ways that he commands willingly. However, over time, he had noticed subtle shifts between the two of you. Sleipnir was often ordered to keep watch over you when he was away, and every time he would come back he would sense the atmosphere was different. He had always conjured it up as you both grew closer due to such close proximity, which pleased him regardless.

It wasn’t until one night where he had woken up to your dream induced whimpers and curses that he knew the connection between you and his lord commander was much deeper than anticipated. He remembers hearing Sleipnir’s name as more pretty sounds would fill the room. He remembers thinking he should be enraged that you were dreaming of another, yet all he felt was the immense thrill that ran straight to his cock at the thought of watching Sleipnir take you. 

To say you were surprised when he approached you on the matter is an understatement, for you had broken down and fallen to your knees, confessing that the love you have for him extends to his second-in-command. You cried that you had tried to push the wavering feelings down, as he was everything you needed and wanted and more, but the harder you would push, the faster it would spring back up. He felt he should be angry at what would be considered emotional infidelity, but instead he had knelt down and cradled you in his arms, whispering in your ear how he wasn’t upset and how much he loves you. In his mind, he kept thinking maybe the soft spot in his heart for Sleipnir makes this so easy to forgive, even when there was nothing to be forgiven. 

Little did he know, it was much more than that.

A gasp brings Barnabas back to the moment, and he sees Sleipnir inserting one of his long fingers into your pretty cunt, leaving your mouth agape as you watch him play with you. He is leaning over you as he draws his finger in and out of you, cupping your face as he seemingly whispers words between shared kisses. Barnabas takes notice of one of your hands traveling down to Sleipnir’s cock, running your fingertips along the sensitive flesh. He is mesmerized at the chemistry the two of you have, both loving each other in rhythm. 

Sleipnir leans down towards your ear, muttering something Barnabas can’t decipher. Your head turns towards him as a second finger slips in, and his fists clench in self-control as your face contorts with a moan. He can feel his cock straining in his trousers but refuses to palm himself. He just tilts his head, admiring the sounds and faces you make as Sleipnir continues to get you ready for his own cock. Barnabas can tell you are overwhelmed with both the pleasure you are receiving while having to look at him, and he wants to see you fall apart.

“Sleipnir, why don’t you prepare our sweet angel with your tongue?” Barnabas suggests, causing your eyes to go big. 

Sleipnir looks at Barnabas from your neck, and grins. “As you wish, my liege.”

He sits back further in his seat as he observes Sleipnir make his way down your body, placing open mouthed kisses on your skin. Your head turns back to him only for him to seize your chin to keep it facing Barnabas. “Keep your eyes on your majesty. Let him watch as I please you.” 

Barnabas keeps his eyes on you, and knows instantly when Sleipnir’s tongue makes contact with your delicate flower: eyelids heavy, chest rising and falling more rapidly, and lips parted as sweet little moans enter his ears. Your hands reach down to Sleipnir’s hair, pulling the strands causing him to hum into your cunt and trail his free hand from your chin to your thigh, squeezing the flesh. 

“Oh stars please, Sleipnir!” You moaned, pushing his face more into your heat. Sleipnir picks up his pace, ravaging you in a way that has you squirming. This only makes Barnabas groan at the push and pull game the two of you are playing, and he decides to take a closer look. He stands from his seat, walking over to you two with the primal urge to be close. He kneels beside you, cupping your face in his hands before gently kissing you, a big contrast to the animalistic actions Sleipnir is performing between your thighs. A gasp from you breaks the kiss slightly, making Barnabas look to the cause. He sees how Sleipnir is devouring you, mouth sucking on your clit and fingers working you open, a third one being added to the mix sometime during his escapades. Watching him pleasure you in this manner feels so different and new, and it feels so right. 

Barnabas turns back to you, seeing how your eyes have not left him. He smiles wickedly, loving the way you are being so obedient to the two of them. “How are you faring, my dear? Is he making you feel good?”

You nod, a small curse leaving your lips at what he knows is from Sleipnir’s doing. “Hmmm feels so exquisite with his tongue, doesn’t he? Especially if he is making absolute sin drip from your own.” 

“Yes, my king! He feels so good!” You praise, causing a loud groan to hit your clit from Sleipnir which only makes you grow louder. 

Barnabas looks over at Sleipnir and to see the sight of his lord commander up close consuming your cunt with his fingers buried deep inside you is a sight to behold. While he cannot see the vigor of Sleipnir’s fingers, he can see him going back and forth from his pinkish gray lips sucking your pretty pearl to his tongue caressing it to make you last evermore. It’s hard to tear his eyes away from the glorious sight, but that sight will have to wait. After all, he wants to watch you surrender to the rapture you are about to fulfill.

He turns back to you, hands going to your cheeks, so your focus stays on him. He feels your hands wrap around his wrists, a grip of a thousand men clutching for dear life at your impending release. He can feel himself smile, teeth and all, for the desperation and need of release from you is apparent. And he is more than willing to give it to you. 

“Are you going to let go, my beloved? Are you going to give your lord commander the nectar he starves for?” A whine comes out of you, eyes shutting and head turning to the side. He is quick to turn your head back facing his, one hand leaving to grasp the back of your head by your hair. “Oh no, we can’t have that. You will keep your eyes on me when you finish.” 

Barnabas is barely holding on, the pout and tremble of your lips from the overwhelming stimulus happening makes him want to finish you off himself. But once again, he is a patient man. He will wait for Sleipnir to give you your first release of the night. A sudden gasp comes from you and a shake of your head starts as you start to fall over the edge. “Mmmm goodness Sleipnir please!” You wailed, the grip on Barnabas’s wrist growing tenfold with nails digging into his skin. He moans, the pain feeling so good, and he goes down to kiss you, swallowing your cries as Sleipnir draws you out of your orgasm. 

Barnabas feels movement on his right and releases your lips to see Sleipnir sitting up from your thighs, lips glistening with your arousal and hair a mess from your earlier pulling. He holds up the fingers that were once in your cunt and moves forward to bring them to your lips. “Open up.” Barnabas sits you up, and watches you lean over to lick your juices from Sleipnir’s fingers, purring at the taste as you clean them off. “That’s it, our sweet angel. Clean up your mess.” Sleipnir murmurs, a trance apparent at the way you work your tongue. 

Barnabas can’t keep his eyes off Sleipnir in this moment. Watching his chest rise and fall as he watches you, swollen, wet lips agape, small amounts of perspiration on his body. He looked like an absolute God, and Barnabas could feel something snap in his chest as realization dawned on him. He loves him. 

Barnabas loves Sleipnir. He created him to fill the loneliness and the void; to always have someone by his side for all time. When he doesn’t have the words, it is Sleipnir that knows what he is thinking. It is Sleipnir who knows what action needs to take place before Barnabas commands it. Before you, it was Sleipnir who protected Barnabas from his fears. His lord commander has always held a special place in Barnabas’s heart and the realization of those feelings have led to this moment: that the love he has for Sleipnir goes beyond companionship. 

Sleipnir’s focus is on Barnabas, curiosity in his eyes as he awaits his king’s next move. This sets Barnabas off, for he was going to admire the beautiful being before him so help him. He is quick to take his trousers off, now fully naked, and gets on the bed kneeling by your side. Barnabas takes no time at all to grab Sleipnir by the back of his neck, and bring him down for a deep kiss. He feels Sleipnir encircle his arms around his waist, pulling him in closer and urging him to keep going. Barnabas growls, biting Sleipnir’s bottom lip causing him to grunt, granting him full access to his taste; tongues greeting one another for the first time in 47 years. It feels so natural, and all he can think is that this is right. The three of you together as it should be. As it should have always been. 

He pulls away from Sleipnir’s lips, now looking more swollen and glossier than before, and he can’t help the genuine smile that forms. Sleipnir huffs out a laugh, his hand reaching up Barnabas’s cheek to soothe the handsome wrinkles under his eyes. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. How long I’ve waited for you, my king.” Barnabas thinks that Sleipnir deep down must have known it would come to this and must have known his feelings for him early on. The corners of his mouth turn up, the fingers of his free hand trailing to meet the hand on his cheek to bring it to his lips. “Forgive me for my late realization.” He mutters through the kisses on Sleipnir’s fingers. “For my ignorance nearly led me astray from you, my star.”

It feels like they are both in that position forever before Barnabas senses a shift on the bed, and next thing he knows his cock is being touched. He looks in between him and Sleipnir to see you on your knees beside the two of them, one cock in each hand and slowly stroking them in sync. He can only chuckle, seeing you serve your King and Lord Commander during a sentimental moment. Such a naughty little thing. 

“It seems someone wants attention.” He hears Sleipnir snicker. All you do is smile innocently, and Barnabas leans down to press a sweet kiss against your lips. “You’ve been so patient, my dear.” He goes to leave a kiss on your temple. “You’ve cooled down quite a bit.” He goes to kiss under your ear. “Would you like us to warm you back up?” 

“Yes, my darling. I beg you. I beg the both of you.”

Barnabas acts fast, crawling to rest against the headboard before grabbing you swiftly. He gets a yelp and a fit of giggles from you before settling you in between his legs, your back against his chest with his cock snug against your lower back. He keeps his head on your shoulder as he watches Sleipnir approach you on his hands and knees, crawling to you like a lion about to go in on the hare. He sets his thighs under your knees and starts to rub your thighs up and down. “My Queen, is this truly what you want? You shall only receive what you wish.” 

Barnabas watches you nod determinedly. “I want you, Sleipnir Harbard. I want all of you.”

Barnabas observes Sleipnir slowly push inside your cunt, a soft gasp leaving your lips at the intrusion. He watches as you open up, the preparation serving well for his new lover’s cock. While Barnabas’s cock is well-sized, girthy and uncut, Sleipnir’s cock is undoubtedly longer with protruding veins, so he knows it’ll rub against areas that will have you feeling enlightened.

Barnabas wraps his arms around your waist as Sleipnir goes at a leisurely pace, his hands gripping the crease of your hips. Barnabas takes this time to drink you in, kissing your neck gently to start and letting his hands knead your tummy. You keen as he continues his trail, starting to nip at your skin as Sleipnir grows notably faster in his pace as your lower back starts to grind into Barnabas’s cock. He trails his hands up your tummy to your breasts, deciding to knead them roughly, causing you to whimper at the treatment. He senses Sleipnir pick up the pace again, rocking his cock in and out in a smooth rhythm. This only makes Barnabas up the antics, biting down on your neck hard enough to leave indents of his teeth all the while taking your pebbled nipples between his fingers and pulling on them. 

“MMMM Barnabas!” You choked out, and Barnabas chuckled against your neck, letting go of the skin of your neck to lick it soothingly. “My little masochist.” He tugs at your nipples harder, making you squirm in his hold. “It’s no wonder you chose an old sadist like me.” He continues playing with your sensitive nipples as he watches Sleipnir continue to take you, soft grunts leaving his lips every so often. 

“How does our sweet angel feel, my pet?” Barnabas asks, curious as to what is playing through his lord commander's head. 

“She feels absolutely delicious, my liege.” 

“Delicious?” Barnabas smirks. “If she feels as such, why aren’t you showing her?”

Sleipnir simper’s, leaning forward slightly. “I’m simply enjoying the view, my liege.” He leans down, placing a gentle kiss against Barnabas’s lips, juxtaposing the roughness of his cock entering your cunt, causing a cry to leave your lips. “I’ve been left speechless.”

“You may not be as loud now, but don’t worry.” Barnabas lets go of your nipples, wrapping one arm back around your torso while his free hand wraps around Sleipnir’s throat, a soft gasp leaving his lips. “Next time, it’ll be you who begs for release at the mercy of myself and our queen.” He growls. “Now, give her what she wants.”

Sleipnir groans deeply. “As you wish, your majesty.” 

Barnabas lets go of his neck and the first thing Sleipnir does is go down to you, kissing you deeply as his cock continues ravaging you. The particular thrust of Sleipnir’s hips affects both you and Barnabas; a shriek of pleasure at a certain spot Sleipnir hits inside you and a loud moan from the gravity of his thrust pushing you further into Barnabas’s cock. Barnabas can feel himself in need, needing to worship his lovers as they take on one another, for it exhilarates him knowing the both of you love each other in the same way he loves you both. 

He maneuvers his arms in a way that allows each of his hands to weave his fingers into yours and Sleipnir’s hair. He pushes both faces together, watching as you and Sleipnir swallow each other’s sounds. The sound of panting kisses and the wet smacking of Sleipnir’s hips is driving Barnabas insane, and so he pulls them apart so he can bring Sleipnir down to his own lips. They both groan hotly, heavy breathing intaking them as their tongues battle for the others' mercy. Barnabas feels you tilt your head back, feeling your eyes on him and Sleipnir as he claims the latter. He releases Sleipnir, their lips stringing saliva, and goes down to meet your lips to give the same treatment. You whimper against his lips as he claims them, and he feels your hand rest against his jaw, scratching against his facial hair lightly. He notices Sleipnir move his head in his grip, and he decides to push his head down to the crux of your neck. Barnabas captures your gasps, glancing down to see Sleipnir nipping love bites into your skin, small pink marks forming.

Barnabas pulls away, and stares at your blissed out expression. You have never looked more beautiful than you do now, and all he thinks is you deserve everything, especially for bringing all three of you together like this. He clutches his fingers in your hair a little harder, making sure your focus is on him. “Tell me how your lord commander is making you feel? I want to hear you say it.” He bids, but you only twist and turn, making Sleipnir push against your hips to hold you down against Barnabas. Your hands latch around Sleipnir’s back, your head falling on his shoulder. Next thing Barnabas witnesses is Sleipnir lifting his head, a shuddering smile on his face; the same one Barnabas equips when he is the one worshiping you. One of his hands leaves your hips and travels to your neck, wrapping his fingers around it and pushing lightly so your neck would stop turning away. “That wasn’t a request, my queen.” Sleipnir hums. “It’s an order from your king. Tell him, tell us, how I’m pleasuring you.”

“You feel incredible!” You sobbed. “You both do I- It’s too much.”

“But not enough.” Barnabas hums into your ear. “Next time, you’ll get to have both of us and our spends. At the same time.” You start to shake, and he can see how his words are reeling your excitement. “But for now, clench your walls on him. Let him really feel you.” 

He knows you are doing as you’re told because Sleipnir starts to grunt obscenities, his hand going back to your hip. Barnabas takes the opportunity to let go of both heads, throwing one arm back around your torso and letting his free hand run past the two bodies of his lovers, landing right on your clit as he starts to rub small, tight circles. A sob leaves your lips, a telltale sign that you were right there. 

“My king, I can’t hold on much longer. Please let me be relieved!” You cried, your hands coming to clutch on his arm holding you to him. 

He kisses behind the shell of your ear, nipping and licking slightly at the cartilage to tease you further before he gives in to your desire for release. “Let go for us, my dear.”

He watches as your climax takes over you, seemingly possessing you mind, body, and soul as your back arches against him. He sees Sleipnir is at his wits end, his hips pistoning back and forth brutally as he rides out your release. Barnabas smirks, as seeing Sleipnir Harbard, his lord commander, his newfound lover, utterly tranced by you makes him feel euphoric. 

“My dear, why don’t you help our star out, hm?”

You nod, and your hands let go of Barnabas’s arms to wrap back around Sleipnir again, pulling him in closer with the back of your heels. His breath hitches as he goes forward, his hands catching himself as they plant on the mattress on either side of Barnabas’s thighs. Barnabas moves his arms so you and Sleipnir’s chests touch, wanting the two of you as close to each other as possible. He lets his hands go down to Sleipnir’s hands, stroking them as you work on Sleipnir’s release.

Barnabas can vaguely hear what you are saying, your voice low in Sleipnir’s ear as you coax him. All Barnabas can think of is how you and himself can bring such a snarky, matter of fact being into such a submissive state. The way he is gasping and muttering a variety of affirmations, like he is begging for you to give him what he needs, brings a whole new side to him. Barnabas feels like he has fallen in love all over again. 

Barnabas leans over your shoulder, Sleipnir’s other ear available, and whispers his command. “Release inside her. Fill her with your love as I do.”

That is all Sleipnir needed, a chain reaction setting off as Sleipnir moans hoarsely as he releases his spend into you, causing you to whine as another orgasm hits you from the constant stimulation of his cock. His arms give out, Barnabas catching him by wrapping his arms around him alongside your own. “You two did so well.” Barnabas praises, his hands going to rub your side and Sleipnir’s back. There is only heavy breathing in response, bearings working to be met as everyone calms down their hearts. 

Sleipnir is the first to move, placing kisses on both you and Barnabas’s lips before slowly pulling out of your cunt, a groan leaving your lips in the process. Sleipnir flops graciously on the bed, sighing with utter thrill as his eyes rest for a moment. Barnabas goes to move you to the side when you turn in his hold, going to your knees in front of him. He is perplexed for a moment, only to see you staring at his hard cock.

“My darling, you didn’t get to have a release. Let us please you.”

This perks Sleipnir up, rolling over to his front to crawl over. “Yes, my liege. We want you to feel as good as we do.”

Barnabas laughs and shakes his head. “In due time. I can assure you both that I am completely satisfied. Let’s rest for a moment, only then will I let the two of you have your way with me.” 

You and Sleipnir look at each other, smiles plastering in agreement. You move off the bed, ushering Sleipnir to go back to his side of the bed. “Okay, but at least be in the middle so we can both love you.” 

Something shifts in Barnabas’s chest, a sense of belonging settling in deeply. He inclines, moving to the middle of the bed and under the covers where Sleipnir is already settled in. Sleipnir latches to him, his left arm wrapping around Barnabas’s torso. Barnabas feels another weight on the bed, his right shoulder now being used as a pillow as you snuggle up close to him. There is a buzzing throughout the room; hums, sighs, and gentle kisses summoning a calm atmosphere. Barnabas has never felt so complete; to be adored and loved like this by the two people he considers home is elating. 

He can hear Sleipnir lightly snoring, a dreamlike state having taken over him. Barnabas turns his head to you and goes to kiss your forehead. You purr, stretching into him as your eyes open to meet his. He reaches his free hand to your face, brushing your cheek with his knuckles as he admires your glow. He is so in love with you, especially in this moment.

“Thank you.”

Your eyes glint, confusion striking them. “For what, my king?”

“For bringing the three of us together, for if you hadn’t, I’m afraid a part of my heart would have never unlocked.”

You move up slightly, and kiss his lips, both of your hands on his cheeks. Your lips linger against his own as your next words flow. “Thank you for opening up your heart for us. He has loved you for a long time, just as I have.”

Barnabas sighs against your mouth and moves to lay his head into the crook of your neck. “I truly love you both. I adore and admire you both. I hope you know this.” Your chest vibrates, your hand still holding onto his face. “I know because I love you. I love him. I love us three.” 

“It is us three beyond our vessels.”

Ultimania Spoiler Note: Sleipnir was created in the Year 826 when Barnabas was 18 using Odin's magick, meaning up to Year 878, they have been together for 52 years. This story takes place in 873 only because I felt like in 878 a lot is happening.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

okay so i made a post (here) kind of about this a while ago, but here’s a full analysis on ian and mickey’s relationship and their struggles with abandonment and commitment issues:

as the seasons went on, one of the things made most clear about mickey milkovich, was his love language, acts of service. the way that mickey views love is that loving somebody is doing grand gestures to keep them with you. throughout the entire show, this is made clear, for example: robbing a man’s house for ian then kissing him (overcoming a huge fear of his), getting terry off of ian so that he would get more hurt than ian would, kissing ian in public, coming out for ian and getting the living shit beat out of him, (almost) murdering ian’s half-sister for calling the military police on him, snitching on a huge cartel and getting himself thrown back in prison for ian, attempting to escape prison again for ian, and eventually, faking marrying ian’s sister so that he could marry ian.

however, ian isn’t the same as mickey in that way. does ian love mickey? fuck yeah. but is ian as willing to do as much crazy shit in the name of love as mickey is? not really. it’s not that ian doesn’t love mickey or doesn’t risk a ton for mickey, because he does, he just loves mickey in a different way.

so, since mickey views love as doing grand gestures that could possibly risk everything in your life, he has a hard time understanding that people can love people in different ways that don’t involve a lot of danger. so when ian doesn’t go to mexico and doesn’t sign the marriage license, mickey feels as if ian doesn’t love him. his thought process is kind of just like i’ve done so much for ian, i’ve done everything to keep us together, but he still can’t commit, and that hurts mickey! it’s so obvious that he feels that way in 10x08 when ian says, “i wanna know how you feel!” and mickey just looks beyond pissed and hurt. and in the next episode, ian tries to explain himself, but mickey says, “no, you’re just saying that you don’t love me enough now”. to an extent, he understands that he and ian have different minds that work in very different ways, but he can’t grasp the thought of ian not signing those papers, because to him that’s a grand gesture, and a grand gesture = loving somebody.

but the reason that ian doesn’t sign the papers isn’t because he doesn’t love mickey, it’s because he’s afraid to commit. debbie tells him that he’s scared of commitment, and ian tells mickey himself that the reason he’s scared is because of his parents. and truly, it makes sense. from what we’ve seen of frank and monica, it’s been stated that they’ve been married many times; and ever since season 4 the show has made a point of showing ian’s fear of becoming his mother. and historically throughout shameless ian hasn’t had the best romantic history. he’s been with so many men that he tells a nurse that he doesn’t even know how many, we’ve seen him with men old enough to be his father- possibly even grandfather, and every single of age boyfriend (including mickey, sorry) has treated him like actual dog shit at one point. it makes sense that he’s afraid. he grew up seeing his parents fight with each other and leave each other (and their children) and then seeing his sister get into toxic relationships with men who, in ian’s words, weren’t very nice to her. his view on love is warped, and yes, he does love mickey, but loving mickey scares ian, and believe me, it scares mickey, too.

the real explanation to most of ian and mickey’s conflicts throughout the show is that ian has commitment issues and mickey has abandonment issues. they both grew up gay in abusive households on the south side, and loved each other regardless, but it was hard for them, and always will be hard.

[real-life-senshi]

10 (Mostly) Spoiler-Free Reasons to Watch Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon 2003 Live Action

A countdown to the 20th anniversary of Act 1 air date!

Reason 5: The captivating story!

Ultimately, I would say the live-action stayed true to the essence and intention of the original source material when concerning the Dark Kingdom arc.

I’m choosing to use the word “essence” though, because it is also factual that in multiple aspects, the story does diverge from its source material, but with the intention of further amping up the stakes and angst for drama, and possibly even pulling in elements from story arcs beyond the manga’s Dark Kingdom arc into the one season we (sadly) only have.

Sometimes those differences could be due to limitations of CGI and execution methods in real-life filming, while others could be due to updating the content to appeal to the newer generations of viewers in the early 2000s.

Regardless of what's faithful or not faithful to original source material, I think PGSM did really well striking a balance of making it a kid’s show, and also adding some complexities to appeal to viewers who were kids or teenagers that grew up reading the manga or watching the '90s anime, who would be in their late teens or adulthood or even parenthood by the time the live-action aired.

Warning: Going forward these series of posts will contain minor spoilers to introduce some live-action only elements. It will only be at the introductory level though!

Staying true and delving deeper into source materials

Personally, I can’t speak much to the ’90s anime, but I can confirm the live-action pulls many elements from the manga source material where possible. Here are just a few:

Introducing the Sailor Senshi!

The story of how Usagi and Ami discovered their Senshi power largely follows the same story, while Rei and Makoto's intro episodes heavily reference the original manga chapter and use the same theme behind the attacks that lead to them accessing their transformation. There's no magic bus to whisk victims away in Rei's case, and there's no wedding dress ghost story in Makoto's, probably due to the feasibility of recreating those scenes.

The Forbidden Love & the Past Life lore

The live-action definitely deep-dived into the 'forbidden love' concept when it came to Usagi and Mamoru, and further created a whole complexity of the storyline to justify WHY it's forbidden. In the manga/anime, it felt like the idea of their forbidden love was purely political and mostly glossed over since the past life kingdoms were dead, but in the live-action, there were actual stakes and consequences to consider even for the present.

And the ABSOLUTE MOST AMAZING THING and by far my favourite twist to the live-action storyline is they actually ventured into exploring the impact of making teenagers soldiers of war! There is actually ample screen time and dialogues AND monologues dedicated for us to see individual Senshi AND the team together grappling with the pros and cons and exploring both extreme sides of the need to follow the past life mission to avert tragedy regardless of the sacrifices made, versus the necessity of making one's choice and finding ways to live in the present in spite of the past life lore! Do they support Usagi's and Mamoru's love for each other or not???? Do they know for sure whether their love WILL cause misfortune again or not or can they trust Usagi to know what she's doing????? FASCINATING AND ANGSTY STUFF RIGHT THERE!

Rei’s Personality

More as an FYI, but Rei’s personality is much more similar to the manga Rei’s personality, instead of ‘90s anime Rei. More cool beauty and calm, less aggressively hotheaded and abrasive. And very importantly, NOT boy-crazy.

New, original dramatic elements

On the other hand, here are some live-action exclusive dramatic elements that I'd like to highlight:

Aino Minako the idol

Even many who haven't watched the series would have heard about how Minako's character is drastically changed in the live-action. Indeed, Minako is an acclaimed teenage idol and singer with best-selling songs in the show!

It's basically as if the live-action screenwriter pulled in the Outer Senshi elements from the Mugen arc into Minako's character: she's famous, experienced, and serious. Minako has full access to past life knowledge and is ultimately mission-driven like Haruka and Michiru are in the Mugen arc, which causes some of her decisions to maybe not be as morally white as we'd expect her to be (I think her costume style of white and black is a nice nod to the idea of her double life and her sense of moral).

Now, that's not to say live-action Minako is completely a new character, you can certainly see manga/anime Minako's character traits here and there if you pay attention - pun-loving, prank-loving, mischievous. For god's sake, the girl named her album Venus, and one of her most iconic songs is called C'est La Vie, which sounds exactly like "Sailor V" pronounced in Japanese. Just imagine this girl playing a vigilante life, and having a chuckle every time she sings her best-selling song that basically announces her identity to the world and no one realizes. lmao

Basically, Minako's character embodies the extreme result of what happens if a teenager is burdened with all the knowledge of the Past Life war and has the weight on her shoulders while working alone.

If you can get past Minako's changed character setting in the live-action, you'll find there are still plenty of Dark Kingdom arc manga/anime Minako elements in there, just some more exaggerated while others are more subtle. (Coz to be fair, Minako didn't start becoming Usagi's twin until after the Dark Kingdom arc.) And her relationship with Artemis is absolutely heartwarming to see in the live-action.

Who's in the wrong? Who's an ally, and who's not?

While our Senshi team is clearly the heroine, and the Dark Kingdom the villains, the live-action takes a more interesting take on what's considered "good" versus "evil", and more importantly, who's in the wrong on how things ended badly in the past life. Who is actually the person the Senshi needs to protect the world from? And that drives the story into a direction that is more complex than what you'll ever find in manga or anime, and certain characters react accordingly and act more grey than black or white - from both the heroine side and the villain side!

Shitennou & Endymion

Something we didn't really get to see as much in the manga and anime, while we know who the Shitennou are, we don't really see the Shitennou and Mamoru interacting until after they... became their name-sake rocks (okay, technically, GEMS). And we don't get many hints on what their past live relationships were, so for many years fans have taken to pen/paper/tablets/keyboard and filled the gaps with their amazing imagination and creative work instead.

In the live-action, we get a much more expansive and interesting take in seeing the Shitennou - technically still under the Dark Kingdom's influence, interact with Mamoru as they all grapple with what happened in the past life.

How would the prince's ex-guardians act seeing their master again? How would Mamoru react? Choosing to accept his responsibility for his past life or not? After all, they had such fond memories of arm-wrestling each other! (Spoiler alert: Nephrite won.) :P

I must once again emphasize that I love what they did with the Shitennou's characters and gave each of them a different story trajectory. They are written so well they pull at your heartstrings!

If you want some canon-material for writing the Shitennou in the age of Elysion Kingdom, definitely give the live-action a go!

Power up! The Senshi Needs Training

Because the live-action only gets one arc, there's no room for us to see the Senshi team (conveniently) get upgraded transformation like they do in each arc in manga or anime. Instead, the live-action takes a different, and I dare say, a more realistic approach, where the Senshi learns that their initial access to their transformation isn't the full access to their powers as they expected. They are put through some legit, and some questionable training of the body, mind and spirit, and each of them has to overcome something within themselves across the series to access their power!

This approach highlights and solidifies each Senshi's strengths AND ties in really well into the girls' character development throughout the series. As well, it makes it feel like the Senshi did have to put in work to get strong and gain access to their power, instead of relying on the plot to get them new powers at the right opportune time, seemingly out of the blue.

Remember: THEY ARE IN SCHOOL!

Yep, sometimes in the manga and in the anime, it's so easy for us to forget that the Senshi are kids in school when they are in the thick of a crisis or fighting evil. Somehow, it always seems quite clean and convenient that the Senshi could separate their school life and their heroine life, doesn't it? How the responsible adults in the world may wonder... "Gosh, where did that kid go in the middle of [insert context]????" Or for a fellow peer in school to wonder - "How the hell did this random group of girls come together like an odd band?"

The live-action takes time to make room for some reality checks in their episodic storylines to explore all the different repercussions our heroine's double (or triple) life has on their normal life, and with that ties in personable and relevant topics and themes into their episodic plots:

Family relationship

Peer relationship

Romantic relationships

Moments that remind everyone how awkward and tough it is to be a teenager.

The toll of lying through your teeth to keep a secret, etc

I cannot emphasize enough that the screenwriting is superb in the series! Not one thing is referenced only once and left out the window, everything that happened builds up into a moment of learning or lasting impact for our characters!

To people who've not watched the live-action, PLEASE GIVE IT A CHANCE! At least give it 6 episodes, and you'll probably be hooked!

You can watch the subbed versions of the series at:

Miss Dream Fansubs

Sea of Serenity Fansubs

The series is also on other online streaming sites, but be cautious to only visit them with good adware and firewall installed.

6 days till the 20th anniversary of Act 1 air date!

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |

[beemochi-art]

Chromia and Ironhide!

A, C, G, S and X plz ᡣ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ᡣ

A) First meeting

When Ironhide’s and Chromia first met they were both very young. Mostly it was Ironhide who followed her around and tried to keep up with her. At this time they were both a similar size but Ironhide was still bigger. She could scale stuff pretty quickly and Ironhide just had to wait till she came back down.

C) first physical contact

Since they grew up together they’re always pretty touchy. Chromia was with him anyways, he noticed all of it. The only time Chromia noticed physical contact is when he clears her face plate once, that’s when she realized she liked him more then just a friend.

G)First time seeing the other sick/injured

Ironhide used to take jobs as a bodyguard/security. That mostly entailed stand by someone or something for a long time. He’d mostly just daydream till he got to go home. Most people wouldn’t approach or had authority to get through so it was a pretty easy job. One day he wasn’t paying attention while on duty and someone got into the archives and stole some things. For his punishment a superior burned his face with a rod. He wasn’t that hurt but when he got home he didn’t know he could be treated like that, was embarrassing and degrading. He got kind of depressed after that because he put a lot of trust in his supervisors. Chromia noticed the change and tried to get him to talk about it but he never ended up telling her what happened. Regardless she was still at his side and made him feel batter best she could.

Chromia doesn’t get hurt very often, she’d get bullied a lot but was still pretty slippery. But when she did get injured very badly from an attack Ironhide was devastated, he wouldn’t leave her side.

S)First anniversary + how they celebrate

Ironhide and Chromia sparkmerged when they were young. But didn’t ever get to have an official conjunx ceremony. Regardless they still will celebrate the occasion by sharing each others spark again and they take turns planning something special to do. Sometimes tho they would have to miss a day cause either one would get busy. But they’ll usually make it up to each other the next day.

X)First major hardship they got through together

It came out of no where. They both planned to movie to Junkton where they could have a better life but the decepticons attacked Iacon with the goal to destroy everything their oppressors represent and hold dear, this included citizens. Chromia was still recovering from her injuries done by the group that attacked her. Ironhide had to fight. Chromia had to push herself to get up. Chromia ended up being too slow and got caught by a couple of cons. Ironhide went back for her, fought and killed those cons. He didn’t know he was capable of that, Chromia didn’t either.