#regardless of both those things they KNOW each other they grew up together they know the other's habits and quirks

[casualavocados]

Chen Yi, are you out of your mind? You said it. Just for fun. Why are you being shy now? I'm not in the mood. But I am. How are you supposed to face your favorite boss if you act like this? He's always our boss. The man who brought us up.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10

[tetzoro]

☽◯☾ - ALL TOO EAGER

꒰ synopsis ꒱ : Eren accidentally stumbled upon his newest side gig, pleasuring himself before thousands of viewers. But honestly, it’s all for his favorite creator — you.

꒰ content ꒱ : MDNI. eren jaeger x reader ; virginity loss (eren), unprotected sex, use of nicknames (baby, pretty girl) — WC : 2k

⭑ 𓂃 ꒰ New Moon ! ꒱ ― kinktober masterlist

camboy!eren who started doing solo videos because he was bored. somewhat of a social reject even long after graduating high school, he spent a lot of his nights furiously pumping his cock to whatever videos he’d find online.

camboy!eren who saw other guys do solo videos and make a lot of money, so he thought, why not? after a few clicks, he had an account and was ready to go.

camboy!eren who grew quickly in popularity due to the breathy groans he’d let out that ultimately led to soft whimpers when he was cumming all over his finely tuned abs. not to mention he had a pretty dick.

camboy!eren who finds your page one day and it quickly becomes his favorite. whenever he’s fucking his flesh light, he has your video on in the background just wishing you were really here with him. he has to refrain from moaning your name, trying to keep his words to a minimum as rides his high with your sweet mewls echoing in his head.

camboy!eren who discovers that you make videos with other guys and realizes his daydreams don’t seem so far fetched. that is, until he realizes you only do it with one guy — your boyfriend. he becomes obsessed with these videos regardless, pretending that he was really the one who was fucking you instead of the asshole with the small dick.

camboy!eren who leaves filthy comments under your videos, bragging that he’d fuck you better than your boyfriend (regardless that he’s never actually had sex). overtime, they just grew more relentless and he even went as far as sending you links of his own little videos.

camboy!eren who’s heart falls to his ass when he sees you finally reply to him, sending him a message that practically begs him to test out that theory of his, explaining that you and your boyfriend were no more.

and of course he was all too eager to accept.

the messages between you two only grew in velocity as time went on. as it turns out, planning up a meet up was extremely difficult. he learned you didn’t live so far away but with the way both of your schedules were set up, it would take some time before you had a weekend to meet up. 

so the texts turned raunchier, unable to hold back any longer. eren knew you were getting over your ex but he couldn’t stop his fingers from flying across the screen, ensuring you that he would please you like no one else. afterall, he’s watched your videos for so long, he knows what spots you would always target, what kinds of things would have you coming undone with a sweet cry. it was all achingly committed to his memory.

the fact that you were more than receptive to his bold claims, borderline just as obsessed as he was, turned him on to the point where just his hand and one of your old videos on didn't cut it anymore. both of you still did your shows, but almost every night you’d switch to facetime and get off to each other properly.

the soft whimpers and moans you let out as he watched you finger your cunt, begging for him to come over and help you out had his body growing taut with desire. only a few more days and he’d finally have you all to himself and he was more than ready to prove how good he could be for you.

but in all honesty, if eren had known that those few (hundred) comments he had left on your page would bring him to this moment, he would’ve started flooding your chat a long, long time ago.

the plan was simple: get together, have a practice round, then give your viewers a real show.

never in his life had he been so mesmerized, so in awe of the person before him. or rather, under him. the inescapable truth that he’s never done this before has flown straight below the radar – for now.

the reddened tip of his cock nudges along your clit, pressing into it and watching your body jolt in retaliation. every reaction he pulled from you had him wanting more, craving it more than he craved his own release. to please you has been his main goal but he didn’t realize that in doing so, he was already teetering on the edge of losing control.

“ready for me, pretty girl?” eren asked, trying to keep his voice level but the slight shake in his tone betrayed him. the fact he was going to lose his virginity to the one who took up each and every one of his fantasies seemed surreal.

it was more than he could’ve imagined whenever he’d fist his cock in the dead of night, wishing and manifesting for a moment like this. all too beautifully you were sprawled out under him, preening to his touch.

“please, eren.” as soon as the plea left your plush lips, he had no choice but to start pressing into you. inch by inch, he sunk himself in, his fingers tightly gripping onto your hips. 

every coherent thought he’d ever had disappeared into a haze of pleasure as soon as he bottomed out. slack-jawed and frozen, basking in the warmth of your cunt enveloping him way better than a fleshlight could ever. there was no way he could ever return to it, not with you pulsing around him, silently begging and pleading to milk him right then and there. a part of him almost gave into his urges, letting himself spill into you without another thought but he knew he had to get you there first.

eren slowly came back to his senses, looking down at you and almost instantly regretting it. there’s no way you could be faking any of it, not with how close he is. you, with your watery eyes, pupils dilated as they were lost and swimming in pleasure. it was clear every part of you wanted this as much as him.

plap, plap, plap.

the sounds of him thrusting into you started to fill the otherwise muted room. his hips had a mind of their own, driven by a primal instinct as he took in your beauty. after seeing your expression morph into something more blissful than the heavens, he couldn’t hold himself back from pounding into you. everything felt too good – so tight, so warm. 

“fuck-” his voice betrayed him, cracking under the weight of his bliss. he bares his teeth, doing what he can to block anymore traitorous sounds that escape him and reveal how much he’s at your mercy. but it’s all for nothing as the next words slip out of his mouth, nothing more than a hiss. “you feel so fucking good.”

there was no way he could stop as he thrusted into you, your slick completely coating his cock, allowing him to sink into you faster, deeper. the way you writhe and whine beneath him, nails digging into his shoulders before dragging along his back forced a whimper to slip past his lips. 

his ears felt all too hot, the tips undoubtedly burning up because of the utter vulnerability of it all. thank god his hair was long enough to cover them, the haphazard half bun he had tossed it up in earlier was cascading down, almost annoyingly obscuring the beautiful view before him.

“talk to me, baby.” he grunted, wanting to hear the praise fall from your lips. “tell me how it feels.”

“feels s’good, eren —” the air in your lungs gives away as you gasp out, your hands digging into the duvet as leverage to ground yourself with. eren can’t hold back a grunt as you arch your back so your chest is flush against his, nipples brushing together with each thrust.“touch me more, please!”

without a wasted breath, eren’s hands mindlessly slide along your body, fingers trailing along every curve and dip as he begins to map it, desperately wishing to commit it to his memory. everything about you was so soft, so addicting that he didn’t want to let go. 

“so good to me, such sweet manners f’me.” he coos, the slight condensation dripping from his tone. the fire that was pooling in his abdomen ignites more as he takes in your expression – half lidded eyes that were only focused on him, your heaving chest that only enticed him more. one hand pushes your hips back down into the mattress as his other one cups your chest, thumb brushing over your pert bud. “just makes me want to give you more.”

“please–!” your legs locked around his waist, lulling him in deeper, causing his hips to stutter at the new angle.

“y-yeah? you want more?” all of the muscles in his body tensed up, an impending doom settling in as his release threatened to spill prematurely. halting his motions, he presses his forehead against yours, trying to steady himself and push away the high he could practically taste. after counting down, the urgent need to come simmered away right before your hips started to move against his own. “fuck, o-okay. i’ll give you whatever you want, baby.”

eren can’t help it but need something to steady himself and with the way his body was trembling in overflowing pleasure, he opted out from grabbing onto you — it was much to risky. instead, he reached over, grappling the bed frame as he delivered each thrust with a needy precision, setting a new pace that had you both crying out in a sinful harmony. each time he sunk back into you, cock all snug within your walls, he could feel you clench around him with the sweetest whine of his name parting from your lips.

another groan bubbled up from his throat but by the time it escaped his mouth, it was a full blown whine. from someone who was known for his guttural grunts, the whine was unexpected.

there’s no way to tell where his body ends and yours begins, all he knows is that one of you is trembling, shaking and he has a sneaky suspicion it's him – not that he’d ever admit it though.

his world was brought back down to your center of gravity as soon as you tugged on his long locks, melding your lips against his in a kiss that threatened to take away all of his remaining sanity. there was no more room for air as his lungs filled with the sweet hums you couldn’t contain. 

you pull away from the kiss for a moment, a sheen of passion covering them in a way that looks like gloss – undeniably enticing him for more. his lips involuntarily chase after yours, not letting you get a moment of reprieve from his intensity. how could he? 

he didn’t want to stop as he carved his way into you, trying to erase all semblance of the other men that you had been with — especially the nasty ex he decided he hated. to have fumbled someone like you must’ve meant he was an absolute dumbass. his loss was eren’s gain and he would make sure that you knew that by the end of the night.

“‘m close, ‘ren.” the sweetness of your voice coiled deep within him, on the verge of snapping. 

“me too.” he grunts, gritting his teeth as he tries to stave his release. despite desperately rutting into you, he could barely pull out. your legs lock him in, your thighs trembling all around him as you come undone with a cry of his name. there was no way he could hold back anymore, shoving himself as deep as he could as he shook and whined with his orgasm. “‘m cumming – fuck, ‘m cumming. all for you, take it, baby, please–”

after the last rope of cum spilled into your pulsing cunt, eren let out a shudder, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. the room fell quiet yet again, save for the sounds of your shared breath, your lungs fighting for air. eren falls to your side, careful not to crush you as his arms encircle your waist and pull you closer to him.

“shit-” eren gasped, his pulse still racing. 

“and that was just the warm up.” you laugh softly, hand trailing down his abs. “you ready to turn the camera on now?”

[denileisariver]

pairing: batman aka bruce wayne x f!reader

summary: you move into wayne manor, but not everything is as it seems.

warnings: dark!bruce, established relationships, male and female masturbation, descriptions of male and female genitalia, voyeurism, another age gap fic cuz i love dilf!bruce, reader is described as a vigilante and being dicks friend, some non-consensual touching kinda, no piv unfortunately :(, reader is also described as having hair long enough to pull, one tiny use of the word 'baby', size kink if you squint, some overall darkish batfam? not rlly but I'll tag them as yandere anyway.

a/n: tbh i jus pulled this outta nowhere and have no idea where this might lead but fuck it we ball.

you had no idea what you'd gotten yourself into.

your new life at wayne manor was fast-paced and quite absurd. the transition from living in a cramped dorm with one girl to an ancient mansion with a bunch of other heroes whose lives you could barely keep up with hit you like a ton of bricks, it gave you whiplash.

you'd been friends with dick grayson ever since the two of you were teenagers. he was always someone you could easily bond with. whether it was about school, relationships, or being a vigilante the majority of the short time the both of you had been on this earth, he was always there for you. he was your best friend.

you never really had anyone you would consider family. orphaned at such a young age, you grew up to be cautious of other people, always wary that they would abandon you or find ways to exploit you.

at the beginning of your friendship with dick, you had honestly been quite jealous of the older male. you knew it was a bit selfish, but you couldn't help it. there was always a small part of you that despised him for being taken in by a wealthy man who could support him at his every whim, his newfound family that seemed to only grow bigger and bigger each time you saw him. how despite all the terrible things he had been through, he managed to find happiness, or at least content in his life.

and you wanted that, too.

but you always buried those feelings deep down. it wasn't his fault, and you couldn't blame him for it either, so you pretended it was never there in the first place. instead, you put on a brave face. it wasn't too difficult, and for some short moments, you did truly believe that you were happy, regardless of how out of place you felt sometimes around dick and his brothers and sisters.

brothers and sisters. those words were so foreign to you, that when you looked over the relationships you had with dick and his family, you almost had a sort of epiphany. none of them were blood related at all, but they went through thick and thin together no matter what. and a small part of you hoped, wished, that maybe you could be apart of that too.

maybe it was all just irrational.

dick and you had spent a lot of time together. at school, at the justice league headquarters, fighting side by side at unholy hours of the night, or just casual hangouts. you knew him well enough to catch that subtle look in his eyes whenever he looked at you. pity. it was there whenever he brought up what parties bruce was throwing for one of the kids' birthdays, or how tim and jason got into another petty fight that he had to resolve, damian getting awards at school that the family had to attend.

all experiences and problems that you never had, and probably never would. at least, that's what you thought, up until now.

"why don't you come stay wayne manor?"

at first, the question caught you off guard. sure, you spent countless of sleepovers at the place, and you'd known a decent amount about it to get around by yourself with ease, but still. you never considered the possibility of actually staying there. and by the look on dick's face, he seems to notice that too. "i meant- if you want. i just know how lonely it can be for you sometimes, and it would just be easier for us, y'know with our nighttime activities and-"

your eyes roll at his quick rambling, internally cringing a bit at the prospect of him mentioning you being fucking lonely. you flash him a weak smile, your tone dripping with sarcasm.

"sheesh, dick, thanks." you don't mean to sound so harsh, but it's difficult when all of this is so personal to you.

"i didn't mean it like that. and it's no big deal, really. we have plenty of space, and im sure bruce won't mind. maybe alfred, since he has to pick up after your ass but-" dick continues, shrugging it off like it really didn't mean anything. like he wasn't asking you to pack up your shit and move in with him and his family. "you're always welcome there."

and at that, your heart softens a bit. of course, you knew that, but even when you stayed over for a weekend or two, you never wanted to feel like you were overstaying. "i'll think about it, dick."

and you did. you thought about it quite a lot actually, even before dick had asked you that ludicrous question. and he was right. it would make things easier. you'd have a stable roof over your head, instead of the cracked ones that leaked like your dormatory back in gotham. you'd be able to spend more time with the people you cared about. you'd have people that cared about you too, look after you, and defend you if needed. it couldn't be that bad, right?

that's how you ended up here.

in a room that was bigger than all the shitty squats you lived since you were a kid combined. there was so much space you didn't know what to do with it. but the rowdiness of the boys and girls outside your door brought a smile to your face. life at wayne manor would call for some serious adjustment, but you felt like you could power through it. plus, it was only a bonus that you'd always thought jason was cute, much to dick's disgust.

the first couple of weeks staying here were honestly going great, much to your surprise. the family had welcomed you with open arms, some of them not even batting an eye when you regularly attended dinner with them, or walked around in your pajamas, or were quick to be in the cave once it was time for patrol. like you were supposed to be there all along.

your friendship with dick was more of the same, only now you lived with him. jason and you had gotten closer, but you didn't trust calling whatever feelings you had for him enough to call it a crush. you didn't always understand whatever nerd stuff tim would ramble about, but you listened to him anways. you appreciated how much stephanie and cass involved you into their movie nights and gossiping. well more you and stephanie gossiping than cass, but it still felt like you had the girl best friends you had always craved for. damian took some time to warm up to you, but you could still bond with him over his art and love for animals. alfred loved you already, so there wasn't much there to add. and then there was bruce.

you couldn't quite place your finger on bruce. even when you were younger, his stoicism and broodiness was something you couldn't get past, only in rare moments. there was always something about him that you found off-putting. granted that he was always kind, if that's even the right word for it, he never made you feel unwelcome, but you always felt uneasy around the man.

maybe it was how he seemed to be able to read you like an open book, how he could disappear in a room full of people, how he never quite matched the energy in the room, his incessant staring. god, you hated how much he stared at you. bruce's gaze made you feel small, when you usually were confident and assured of yourself. you could feel his eyes burning into you across the room, and you didn't know how to say anything about it or do much for that matter besides distract yourself.

you thought that by now you'd be able to get over whatever it was about him, that you'd known bruce long enough that you could just play it off as him being strange in his own way, but those feelings had only intensified ever since you moved into the mansion.

chills would run down your spine whenever he'd place a heavy hand on your waist, seemingly as casual touch, but it always lingered too long. held on too tight. this look in his eyes, but you couldn't tell what it was. you had brought it up briefly to dick, but he didn't think much of it, laughing it off, saying something along the lines that's just bruce, you'll get used to it.

but you didn't. you couldn't.

especially now that bruce was inviting you to spar with him. to make sure you're prepared, he said. prepared for what exactly, you're not so sure. but you reluctantly agreed, trying to see it as something useful and educational that you could actually use while fighting against whatever villain of the day thought about creating mayhem in gotham.

bruce was strong and brutish compared to you. every time you tried to throw your best at him, he always managed to get the upper hand, and you'd be flat on the sparring mat in a matter of seconds. it had almost seemed like childsplay to him, and if you didn't know any better, you'd think that maybe deep down a part of him enjoyed it.

he'd roughly grab and contort your body in uncomfortable positions, to test your flexibility, as he so called it. your hair would be pulled unforgivingly, and he'd place his weight on top of you, telling you to try and escape from him, much to your avail. you felt like he was taunting you, "you think those criminals in gotham are gonna be easy on you like i am?"

it didn't fucking feel like he was going easy. bruce would place his hand on your neck and choke you out till you were clawing at his skin, only letting go if you tried to beg or actually managed to use your own skill to get him to stop, but that had only happened once and never again. and when you writhed and struggled in his bruising hold, you'd notice that damn look in his eyes again.

no, this wasn't normal sparring.

you'd seen him spar with the other boys and girls, and it had never been like this. and although he was still ruthless, he'd given them actual advice. advice that you'd seen them use out in the field on multiple occasions.

you'd been wandering around gotham long enough to know when someone had it out for you. whether it was sex, crime, or something else, you knew that distinct look in a persons eyes.

a predator hunting down prey.

☆☆☆☆☆

you tried to wash off whatever the hell that was with bruce down the drain. everytime the eery thought of him having less than good intentions for you came up, you pushed it away. whether it was out of guilt for even thinking of him in that way, cause he saved so many people each night without expecting anything in return, or because he was your best friends father, and no he'd never hurt you. that's just unreasonable.

the whole situation just made your head hurt. maybe it's just an overreaction. dick said that whatever this behavior was is normal of bruce. and so you foolishly continue to believe it.

you search your drawers for a fresh pair of panties, too tired to realize that some of your favorite pairs had gone missing. the room, which you personalized after your couple of weeks here, feels suddenly strange to sleep by yourself in.

when you first moved in, you slept like a baby. you felt safe, like this was a normal thing because you'd slept well in these walls ever since your sleepovers with dick. now, it just felt like something was watching you. a feeling that sometimes left goosebumps on your skin, and you couldn't understand what it was.

there's bruises on your skin from how tightly bruce held onto you. some as big as the shape of his hands on your wrists, and as small as the tips of his fingers on your neck. you're completely oblivious to the camera that's watching you closely, placed strategically so you'd never find it. you're oblivious to the man whose behind them.

even if you had just taken a shower, you decide to get yourself dirty again, in other ways. your favorite thing to relieve stress. playtime. so you trace your fingertips down your body with a feather-light touch, gently tweaking and rolling your fingers between your nipples to get yourself excited. you allow your mind to go blank for a while.

you have no idea that bruce's breathing only gets heavier when he realizes what you're about to do. don't know how his cock is hardening beneath his joggers when you push your panties to the side, gathering up your slick and finding your clit to pleasure yourself. don't know that he's stroking himself too, between the layers of his pants and boxers, with your panties in his hand.

how he wishes there was better light in the darkness of your room, so he could get a better look at your glistening pussy, and swearing to himself that he'll get a good look at it upclose one day. he matches your pace, making sure he only gets to cum at the same time you do.

you seem frustrated. he thinks that maybe he can fix that for you. you lick at your middle and index finger, using your own saliva as lubricant, teasing yourself by slowly rubbing along your wet folds. torturing him. the soft pads of your fingers find your clit, setting a medium-slow pace. and bruce tries his best to mimick your actions. pulling himself out of the constraints of his clothes, teasing the fat mushroom head of his cock, gliding a thumb over the tiny slit where his pre-cum dripped out of him, then moving it down his shaft to gently pump it with his hand.

and when your fingers pick up the pace, so do his hands. his eyes intently watch the screen before him, admiring the way your body arches up off the bed, head pushing into the pillows. your chest heaves a bit, and by the way you're biting on your bottom lip, he can tell you're struggling to be quiet. he doesn't want you be, but he'll take what he can get, for now.

your hips writhe a bit, almost like you wanted to fuck back at your fingers, desperately needing something thicker than your petite hands. you move both hands down to your cunt, so you can play with your clit and finger fuck yourself at the same time, and the action makes your pussy cry at the attention.

bruces muscles flex with each jerk of his hand, his free hand going down to gently cup his balls. his eyes hone in on your tiny digits, moving in and out of your cunt with one sole purpose, your juices creating a filthy sound that's like heaven to bruce's ears. he wants to be there so he could get a taste of that sweet pussy, but he suffices with your panties in his mouth, biting down on the fabric.

he could see the markings he left on your delicate skin in the moonlight that peeks into your room, possessiveness coursing through him. he feels pathetic for even doing this, but he can't help himself. bruce's cock twitches in his hand at the sight, knowing your orgasm was coming quickly by how sloppy and rushed your movements were becoming.

it's been so long since you've touched yourself. too long in fact, that your cunt spasms and gushes, completely soaking your hands and the sheets beneath you in the process. and bruce allows himself to cum too, his cock jumping a bit with every rope of the sticky substance, covering his happy trail and abs.

you seem too tired to care that you're laying in your own pussy juice, darkening the fabric below. bruce's eyes are soft, watching you roll over on your side, not even bothering to clean up afterwards. that was a tomorrow's problem.

bruce makes sure to save the precious evidence that the camera caught, knowing it'll be hidden away for his eyes only. he watches you fall asleep in your own mess till his cock begins to soften, placing himself back into his boxers.

he knows you pretty well, he'd like to think. knows you well enough that if you knew what he'd just done, you'd probably slap him across the face. another part of him hopes it turns you on just as much as it turns him on, but maybe that's just him feeding into his delusion. he trails his eyes over your sleeping form just one more time, a small goodnight baby whispered from his lips, even if you can't hear him.

he shuts off the computer for the night, hoping that he'll soon be lucky enough to watch you touch yourself again tomorrow. or maybe even get to fuck you. soon. really fucking soon.

he'll have to remind himself to be a bit grateful for dick inviting you to stay here, in his home. bruce hadn't been too proud when he suggested it to dick, bringing up that you'd easily accept to their request of moving into wayne manor. and he was right.

if dick or anyone else was suspicious about what bruce was doing, or planned on doing, he wasn't too worried of it. he also knew his adopted children well enough that they wouldn't tell on him, and loved you too much to allow you to leave, and for that, he was also grateful.

he had you right where he wanted you, and he'd give you a really hard time if you even thought about leaving now.

[selkies-world]

Language resources

(Duolingo alternatives)

For those who no longer use or trust Duolingo, I've put together a list of resources - apps, learning methods, programmes, etc - with a list of whether or not they are free, and my personal experience with their success at teaching a language. I have also included new ones that I haven't tried yet but which I have researched; for these, I have included a rating of how much hope I have for them panning out in the future.

[I grew up bilingual & went to a multicultural school that had a student body consisting of children from refugee families who spoke little to no English. The school prioritised teaching the entire student body the minority languages, and finding a bridge language we could all learn together to fill in any gaps in communication. Due to this, I spent the last 4 years of primary school learning new languages with the rest of the student body.

We would have a school-wide lesson for 1 hour once a week - usually with a child or staff member fluent in that language leading the lesson at the front of the gym with a microphone so we could hear the correct pronunciation in time with reading the native spelling & English phonetics on the projector screen at the front of the hall. We were expected to use this language in the corridors when we spoke with teachers or staff members and when we passed by other students regardless of what their or our native languages were. As far as fluency went, we were expected to be able to recognise and say greetings and goodbyes, enquire to each others well-being, know how to ask for assistance, how to ask for medical help for various things, how to ask where the bathroom was, to give and receive directions around the entire school, as well as colours, names of things found around the school, make small talk about our activities of the day and our family, and why we were out of class - all with relative ease & mutual understanding.

We changed language after every break, so it was roughly 8 hours of lessons in each language, before we would start again with a new one.

Alongside this, the older students in the school (final 3 years, aged 9 - 11/12) would learn French 3+ hours a week for those 3 years so their writing, reading and speaking standards were acceptable for the beginning of high school. In 1 of these years, we also studied both of our native languages for the first time, for 6 weeks each.

I left traditional schooling at 11, and while I was home-schooled I taught myself Italian, Russian, and Latin from scratch, along with relearning my preferred native language, and 2 forms of sign - I used Makaton as a young child and in school as I have a form of mutism, but as a teen I realised I associated this language with the severe trauma I experienced at school, and so suffered from flashbacks and dissociative episodes when I used it. This, along with medical concerns, led to me learning BSL, and then SSE. Today, I use a combination of English, SSE and my native language in everyday settings. I have a mental block for learning French due to it being heavily associated with my trauma.

I am saying all this not for sympathy, but so that you can see firstly how much I enjoy and value learning languages, and in order to show my experience levels with learning languages. I've used, tried, and tested all of the learning methods I will be talking about in this post. I have either used or done a lot of research into the apps and programmes discussed in this post.

And yes, I have prioritised ones that teach endangered languages, indigenous languages and languages that aren't often included in language media such as Hebrew, various forms of Arabic, Navajo, Gaelic, and others. I have also included ones that teach and / or document sign languages and sign communication systems.]

Please note that the following lists are arranged in no particular order. They are not ranked best to worst or by any other X to Y ratio. They are simply ranked according to how I remembered, tested, or found each of them.

Apps

1: Fluyo.

Rating for hope / faith: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: n/a

Cost: unknown

Status: not yet publicly available

Please note that while Fluyo is not yet available, its Kickstarter page is flourishing, its app is in development, and the developer is a man of colour who has continued to devote himself to this app and its development despite rising health concerns, developing a life-changing disabling condition, and numerous set-backs. His YouTube channel is very educational, and he has also written a book on language-learning. If you would like to know more, you can learn about him here. Fluyo is set up like a computer game with multiple cute characters who are interactive rather than stationary, and I genuinely have high hopes for it once it is released.

2: Babble

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for the first lesson, but a paid subscription is required for any further lessons

Status: available to download

3: Language Drops

Personal experience: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons, but a paid account is required for access to all lessons

Status: available to download

4: Fluent forever

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free access to basic lessons to build your confidence with the language, but a paid subscription is required for unlimited access

Status: available to download

5: Lingopie

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for 7 days, but a paid subscription is required after that for continued use of the app

Status: available to download

6: Fluenday

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

7: Language flower

Hope for: ☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

8: Sign BSL / Daniel Mitchell

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

Please note that Daniel Mitchel offers a BSL version of this, along with an ASL version.

9: Bright BSL / sign lab

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness:☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons + premium for all other lessons

Status: available to download

Please note that Sign Lab offers this app for the following sign languages: BSL (Bright BSL), ASL (ASL Bloom), LSF (Pause LSF / Langue des Signes, yoDGS, Libras (LibrasLab), Italian Sign Language (MeLISegno), and Toleio: Norsk Tegnspråk.

10: BSL zone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

11: Reverso context

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

This is less for learning a language, more for quick reference / fact-checking a translation.

12: Pimsleur

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free 7 day trial, but a paid subscription is required for continued use

Status: available to download

13: Memrise

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for introductory levels, with a premium option to unlock majority of lessons

Status: available to download

14: Busluu

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: Free, with a premium option to download lessons, more repetition, and extra lessons

Status: available to download

15: Hello Talk

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

16: Rosetta Stone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: monthly subscription is required

Status: available to download

17: Lingo Deer

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for all lessons beyond Basics 1

Status: available to download

18: Beelinguapp

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, but a subscription is required for total access

Status: available to download

19: Lingvist

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆ (though it does have an option to suggest other languages for them to add, and which language you would like to learn from, and they'll email you when / if that language becomes available)

Effectiveness: unknown

Cost: free

Status: available to download

[Please note this one is not photosensitive friendly or seizure friendly. I had to close the app as soon as I opened it due to the design on their opening page, and even when I reopened it and clicked straight through, their colour scheme was still upsetting to my senses.]

20: Lingvano

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for a few lessons, but for access to all lessons, a paid subscription is required

Status: available to download

21: Duocards

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, but a more advanced version is available for premium accounts

Status: available to download

22: Chatterbug

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free with limited access, but a paid version is available

Status: available to download

23: Mango languages learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a premium account required for further access

Status: available to download

24: EdX

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost:

Status: available to download

Please note that EdX is an app which houses courses on multiple subjects, not specifically a language-learning app.

25: Mondly Languages

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free, though it does repeatedly offer you a subscription account for an experience catered to you and your interests

Status: available to download

Please note this one may be triggering to those who are photosensitive or whose senses are upset by rapid moving gifs. There is a crown in the top right-hand corner which vibrates very quickly.

26: Speakly

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a subscription account required for further use

Status: available to download

27: Pocket sign

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

28: Lingo legend language learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, though I think there may be a premium option either available but unmentioned, or in the works

Status: available to download

Please note that this app offers you the chance to vote for which languages should be added to its interface, so they can prioritise which ones to fund.

29: INC sign language app

Hope for: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

For those with religious trauma, please note that INC stands for Iglesia Ni Cristo, and the INC Sign Language App "is a project of the Christian Society for the Deaf under the Christian Family Organizations Office of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ)". While it does not appear to prioritise religious content, the content does feature people dressed in suits as if for attending a church sermon.

30: My signing time

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: 14 day free trial, and a subscription is required after this point

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is aimed at babies / toddlers & families.

32: Falou

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option if you want to learn more than 1 language & unlock additional courses in your chosen language

Status: available to download

33: Earworms

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for the demo, then after that, the lessons are broken into two "volumes" to buy individually, or 1 bonus-pack which contains both to buy once at a slightly reduced cost.

Status: available to download

Please note that Earworms used to be available as CD lessons, which is when I first used them. The CDs were in Volumes and were more expensive than all costs on this app. I used them 10 years ago and still remember what I learned despite not getting to use the language very often, so I can guarantee their method is very effective.

34: Qlango

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for the final 3 levels

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is laid out more like a semi-immersive lesson plan rather than a game. However, it is currently my favourite one.

Other resources

1: Signing hands (YouTube)

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to watch

2: Military style

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: n/a

Status: available to begin for free, though it will be difficult for you to find an environment that allows you to experience this authentically. If you would like to learn more about what the military style is, I will speak about it further below.

3: Textbooks / Reading materials

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, or otherwise up to you (what you are willing / able to spend on it)

Status: available to start whenever you feel like it

You can find numerous language-learning resources listed at the end of this post. I also recommend buying an up-to-date dictionary and thesaurus in your chosen language, and studying it. Study the grammar noted in the front, and then actually read the dictionary. It will seem strange, but it will benefit you in the long-run. Make notes as you go, highlight and colour some things in as you see fit.

Learning methods

1: Immersion

Over and over again, we are told that immersion is the best, most effective way to learn a language. This is because this is how we often think children learn languages - and we're partly right about that.

Immersion is the process of immersing yourself in the chosen language, with one single choice: learn the language, or suffer.

If our brains have to choose between struggling to pronounce a few words while gesturing to something we want and clinging onto sounds we hear like trying to hold onto a wet otter, or not getting what we want, we're going to choose to sound & look like an idiot, pointing and saying basic sounds, even if trying to remember the reply is like trying to remember Pi.

With enough time, though, we pick the language up remarkably well when we have no choice but to pick it up. This is the method which has us mimicking accents and gestures and expressions in order to best gain what we want: to express ourselves, our needs and our desires.

However, immersion is often critiqued because unless you have the means to fly to the country that speaks your desired language and live there with 0 influence from your native language for 6+ months... Well, you're not fully immersed, are you? Language apps try to give you an immersive experience, but you can always put your phone down. Depending on where you were educated, you may have had an immersive language class, where you had to learn the language or not be able to join in and so failed by default.

Good ways to mimic immersion are: finding radio channels in your chosen language and watching TV shows in your chosen language without subtitles, and listening to music in your chosen language.

2: Flashcards

Flashcards often tend to be a popular way to test your memory and retention of a particular subject. However, using them to begin learning a language can lead to a loss of motivation.

If you are creating the flashcards yourself, I would recommend creating them in 2 sets: 1 which is the traditional flashcard (your first language OR a picture on one side, and the translation on the other side), and 1 which has twice as many, with only 1 side being used. This second set should be designed like playing cards - the word or picture on one side, and a plain back.

This second set can be used when you're wanting to boost your motivation or confidence - arrange the cards face down, and begin playing the children's game of Pairs. Another option would be Snap.

When you return to using the traditional flashcards, you'll have a better foundation to build on if you've taught yourself to see these as fun, and taught your brain to associate these cards with quickfire responses - such as are brought to the surface during childrens' cards games.

3: Stickers

This is a method which seems obvious once it's pointed out, but seems confusing if you've never done it before.

Simply put, using stickers is when you create or buy stickers with the translation of everyday objects, words and phrases in your chosen language, and put them up around your house. "Door" goes on the door. "Cupboard" goes on the outside of a cupboard, "bread" goes on the inside. "Fridge" goes on the fridge door. "Milk" goes behind the milk so you see it every time you pick the milk up. "Lightswitch" goes above / under the lightswitch. Etc etc etc.

This is a memory retention technique used for multiple scenarios. Nurseries and schools may sometimes have the Makaton sign for something shown in a large diagram stuck to the walls / surfaces. Carehomes may have the names & purposes of objects stuck to the surfaces / objects in the dominant language, for the residents with memory issues or communication barriers.

While this is a good technique for quickfire memory boosts, it can be a slow way to learn a language from scraps, and is better suited for when you are semi-familiar with the written form of the language you are learning. It is also a good way to get everyone involved, as everyone in the home will be interacting with the stickers.

4: Forced conversation

This one is controversial, but can be very effective if it is approached with an open mind, clear communication and previously-agreed upon rules and lines.

The method of forced conversation is exactly what it sounds like: it is when you are engaged in a conversation in your target language, in which the person whom you are conversing with refuses to speak your original language. However, no matter how poor your language skills are, or how uncomfortable you get, they do not stop the conversation, and you do not let to leave the situation until they are satisfied you have communicated well enough, and have understood them. This will usually be "proven" by them giving you instructions, asking a specific question, or requesting you do something for them - if you follow the action through, you have understood them, if you try to give a vague answer and do not do the task, you have not understood them, and the interaction is forced to continue. Again.

This method is controversial because it is not immediately inclusive or welcoming for those who are shy, have anxiety, any form of Mutism, or who have a neurodiversiry or learning disability which impacts their communication. In formal situations, it is often these people who fall behind or get put off from learning a language if forced conversations are the only method they have the option of.

However, if there are adaptions made and accommodation previously discussed and provided, this can still be a viable method which is inclusive to all.

If the person speaking your target language is previously informed of your communication issues or complications, and are instructed in how to accommodate you (ie: Do they need to point at something, or use picture cards as prompts? Do you prefer using picture cards? Do you get distracted if they use hand gestures? Do you need fidget toys provided? Will it be easier for you if you are not forced to maintain eye contact? Will it be better for you if one or both of you are moving around rather than sitting down directly across from each other? Do the lights need to be altered in your environment to make the sensory experience less overwhelming? Do you use noise cancelling headphones? Do you focus better if there is music on in the background? Are there certain tones of voice or volume levels that need to be avoided? Does constantly changing body language stress you out? Do you have a stutter or speech impediment that may impact your pronunciation? Etc.)

Accomodaring these issues, and coming up with a signal to take a break (ie, if you have issues telling the difference between "I am angry at you personally" and "I am tired today" in vocal tones and facial expressions, will you get upset if you think the person is angry at you for not knowing their language? If so, do you need a signal to take a break so you can clearly communicate your stress, and they can give you an answer in your original language and clarify anything which is upsetting or confusing you, before continuing the conversation in your target language?) or to speak in simpler terms? Is their one subject you can talk about particularly well (a hyperfixation) which they can use in the conversation to help you engage?

All of these accommodations may seem intimidating, but if all those involved are aware of these accommodations going into the conversation, it can make the interaction much more positive and productive.

Forced conversation uses the same logic as immersion: if your brain has to choose between looking / sounding like an idiot who stumbles over words, or a very uncomfortable situation which lasts longer each time you make a mistake, your brain will choose to look like an idiot in order to achieve what it wants.

5: Repetition

Repetition is a very common method of learning a language, though it is often criticised for being ineffective.

It is when a phrase or word is said by one party, and repeated by another. If the second party does not pronounce it correctly, the first party repeats it again. This continues until the second party gets it correct. Then the pattern is repeated with another phrase / word. Once a certain number of words have been said correctly by the second party, the first party will return to the start and repeat the process again, with the second party having to say the phrases / words correctly multiple times before being able to move onto the next. The entire process continues in this loop until the second party is saying things correctly with ease.

This method is part of what makes up both immersion, flashcards and military style methods for language learning. It can also be used with textbook learning.

However, it is often critiqued because once the second party is away from the first party and left to their own devices, their confidence in their previous pronunciation will falter, and when they return to the lesson or need to use the language again, they'll be at a lower level of achievement than they were when they left. It is also very tedious, and can become boring.

6: Music

When I spoke about immersion, I briefly mentioned music. I also said that we assume children learn language via immersion. However, as adults we often overlook something else which plays a crucial role in teaching children language: music.

Children learn language, rhythm, speech patterns, and turn-of-phrase via songs, rhymes, riddles, fables, tongue-twisters, and music.

This is why it can be priceless to learn songs in your chosen language. Lullabies. Nursery rhymes. Children's songs. Pop songs that are ridiculed as being too simple or written without talent. Theme tunes from children's shows. Traditional rhymes and tongue-twisters. Most of these can be found via a long time on YouTube.

Music works in a unique way, worming its way into our minds. Our brains are hardwired to recognise and remember patterns - and music is made up of patterns. This is why we get songs stuck in our heads for no reason. Being able to use this to your advantage to learn or remember a new language can be an amazing experience.

7: Subtitles and language swap

This is a method which can be useful when you are learning more than one language, but are more familiar with one than the other.

It is where you watch / listen to a certain media in 1 language, while reading the subtitles / lyrics in another language. This way, the language you are more familiar with / fluent in will fill the gaps of understanding the less familiar one.

You can then challenge yourself by removing one language (muting the media & only reading the subtitles, or removing the subtitles and only listening to the provided audio) and seeing how well you follow along / understand.

This can also be used with your target language and your original language.

8: Writing it down

This is another form of repetitive learning which can be useful when studying / retaining for an exam, but can also be useful when you are first learning the written-to-verbal patterns of a language.

One method is longterm recall: this is where you write down short notes, words & phrases in your target language 1+ hour after engaging with your learning resources. This tests how much you retained. It is a physical show of how much you have actually learned.

Another method is short term recall & build-up: this is where you choose a single word / phrase, and write it as lines (Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are-) until your page is full. Then go back to the start and write over the top of your own writing, staying as close to your original marks as possible. Repeating this pattern multiple times until your page rips or the words become close to unreadable tricks your brain into focusing morenon your handwriting than on the language - as such, you will start to see the phrase / word as a pattern to follow, and it is then left to your subconscious mind to retain it while your conscious mind prioritises hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.

9: Textbook

If you're more academically inclined, you may prefer a textbook method of study. This is the style used in most night classes and / or some traditional education classes.

Textbook methods have everything arranged by date and time, and learning goals are broken down & laid out according to a set calender: by x, you will have learned this amount, by y, you will have learned this amount, so on so forty until the final set date when you will be "fluent" or a certain level of reasonably fluent.

Most of the time with this method, you will be following guidelines, activities and lesson plans previously arranged in a chosen textbook, and that textbook will be your sole or primary resource.

10: Bilingual books (page by page)

Using page-by-page bilingual books can be confusing and is often overlooked in regards to adult education - however, it can be somewhat interesting to try.

On one page, the text will be written in your original language - on the opposite page, the same text will be repeated in your target language. Seeing the two side-by-side allows you to read your target language and instantly refer back to your original language if you get stuck on a word or phrase.

There is another form of bilingual books often given to children: line-by-line. These feature the image / picture, with the original text written clearly and simply, usually no more than 1 or 2 sentences per page. Directly underneath them will be the translated text written in a different font.

11: Same story / movie, different language

While this can be a fun method, it isn't always the most beneficial if you're looking for accuracy - however, it can be useful if you're wanting to test yourself.

It uses a similar logic to the subtitles & language swap method: you put on a movie you are familiar with, but you put it on in your target language with 0 subtitles. This allows you to engage with the language while using the familiar movie / story as a bridge.

12: Military Style

This is perhaps the most effective technique to use of you have a set amount of time to reach a specified level of understanding / fluency in a language. However, it is also one of the most difficult to fully replicate yourself.

Military style is a form of forced immersion combined with forced conversation and repetitive loops, but with reward and punishment techniques to make you prioritise learning the language over your own comfort zone / personal boundaries.

An example of this style would be party 1 having party 2 engage in forced conversation in front of an audience, then having them repeat a phrase they got wrong over and over until they get it right - all in front of the audience, with a rule set which forbids party 2 from sitting down or disengaging the interaction until they have finished the task. Nobody in the audience is allowed to help party 2. Party 1 continues to push party 2 outside of their comfort zone by having them continue the conversation, repeating any mistakes until they are corrected, and the conversation does not end until it is completed.

After that, party 2 has to do 100 push-ups while repeating the phrase they got wrong the most - and they have to pronounce it correctly while doing the push-ups. Any mistakes, and they go back to 1, regardless of if they were at 7 or 98.

This combined punishment of mild public humiliation and physically pushing their body beyond its limits makes the brain see learning the language as the solution to ending this treatment - as such, party 2 will be far less likely to repeat those mistakes again.

Alongside this, there is forced immersion, in the sense that nobody is allowed to speak their original language in any context or to anyone - they must use the target language or be ignored at best or ridiculed at worst.

Understandably, this method is difficult to replicate on your own or outside of the army.

However, there are some tokens which can be taken from it: notably forced repetition & physical exercise.

Set yourself a challenge using any of the previously mentioned learning methods or apps. Keep note of your mistakes.

At the end of the challenge (say 30 minutes of learning) count up all your mistakes. Now do a push-up / squat / pull-up / sit-up / etc for each mistake you made while repeating the phrase out loud. If you stall too long on making a connection in your mind or stumble over the sounds, start counting from 1 again. Repeat this until you're continuously getting the mistakes correct.

At the end, go back to your lesson and repeat it. Did you get less mistakes?

Thoughts & considerations when it comes to learning a language - for language savants and novices alike

"If you don't use it, you lose it" is probably one of the most hated phrases in terms of learning anything new - and especially in terms of learning a language. I think a better expression would be "If you don't make room for it, you won't keep it".

If you don't make time to learn a language, you won't learn it.

If you don't challenge yourself to reach a certain standard, you won't achieve any standard.

If you don't make the effort to retain the new information, you'll forget it.

When you learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind. You have to be willing to make mistakes and continue, knowing you're not doing it perfectly. You have to be willing to make it a priority, even if nobody else in your life sees it as one. You have to be willing to be frustrated and tired and bored. You have to be willing to get every single thing wrong and try again. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable with the new sounds you're making and you have to be willing to be patient while your brain digs out a new burrow of tunnels and connections which didn't previously exist.

If you genuinely want to learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind and life. Even when sometimes it's a tight fit.

Resources, as promised

Reading, writing & textbook materials:

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

Book 5

Structured notebook 1

Structured notebook 2

Structured notebook 3

Something worth checking out 1

Other things to invest in:

A dictionary in your target language

Picture cards

Flashcards

Stickers

Books in your target language

Children's books in your target language

Nursery rhyme books in your target language

Magazine subscriptions in your target language on a topic you find fascinating

Newspapers in your target language

Poetry in your target language

1 paid language learning app - a lot of the time, you get what you pay for. Not always, but usually.

Notebooks, stationary, etc

Headphones / earplugs

Media in your target language

[adventuringblind]

Solace

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: angsty AF but happy end don't worry

Request: No, but they're open! I love seeing your ideas so please send them! I promise I don't bite... most the time ;)

Summary: you and Max get to grow together. Neither of your dads being the best parenting model. When Max sees what your dad has don’t to you, he knows something has to be done.

Warnings: Jos Verstappen, depictions of most forms of abuse, descriptions of injuries

Notes: written in second person. I’ve noticed a theme with my writing… we’re just going to ignore it and I will continue to heal my trauma this way :)

Masterlist

Everyone expected great things from you. Expectations you wanted so badly to meet. Yet you always felt like you were falling short.

Your father is a Redbull mechanic. A good one at that. He's incredibly smart and respected within the paddock. One of Max's top engineers.

Your mother had left during your childhood. This means you got to spend your time traveling everywhere with your father. Him even being your teacher until you started online school and graduated.

Christian offered you a job that involved being on the pitwall. One you took happily. It meant you didn't have to spend the race in the garage with your dad.

From the outside, you looked happy. But you weren't up to standard with what your father wanted. You weren't perfect.

Behind closed doors, things were much different. You were blamed for your mothers disappearance. Blamed for your fathers woes. Used as a physical and verbal punching bag to help him feel better.

All the while, you convinced yourself it was for his benefit. That you deserved this for not being what your father wanted. He provided for you all these years, why couldn't you do this for him.

When Max started at redbull, both of you were still young. Regardless, the friendship was meant to be. No matter how much wither of your fathers hated it.

It led to secret rendezvous and stolen moments of escape with each other. You understood him and he understood you.

Max failed to realize how you understood. His dad was open with his behaviors. Jos had yet to back down from a session of publicly shaming his child. Your dad didn't do anything close to that. So how on earth could you know exactly what he needed during those hard nights.

He'd asked Christian about it a few times. Why you were so shy and timid around adults. It was difficult to understand.

Christian had told him not to worry about it and to focus on his racing. He was watching out for you.

It was true. Christian had been your Guardian angel on multiple occasions. Even staying with his family over long breaks why home was too difficult. He made sure you were fed and had clothes that fit. Everything you lacked in your own house.

The one thing that stopped him from getting him away from you is that you never explicitly told him or showed any signs of it. He was working on assumptions and possible hints.

He'd tried to catch anything that would give him a leg up, but he'd yet to het anything.

Your relationship with Max grew over the years. The two of you melded. You knew how to tame the Mad Max that fought to escape, and he knew how to soothe your tears.

You found solice in each other. Stability in your friendship. A love you both were willing to fight for.

Which happened a lot.

Neither of you knew how to communicate properly. Resulting in hard arguments and yelling matches. One of you is always shutting down before any real reconciliation can happen.

Christian got to be a father to both of you in this way. Coaching you two on how to express your feelings healthily. He was routing for you two. Knowing both your fathers weren't the best, you and Max needed to learn and love with someone safe. He was glad to take you both under his wing.

Then you were able to flourish. You started smiling more. Your eyes lost the bags from underneath them.

Max started opening up more. Standing up to his father slowly became easier. His smile and silly attitude got to be more prominent.

You started showing affection to each other in public. Openly spending time with the other. Not caring what either of your fathers thought.

After all, you were both adults. Right?

You thought everything was going to be over when you moved in with Max. You were nervous about it, mainly because you were self-conscious about your body. Nevertheless, you knew it would be a good change.

~

It was a soft moment between you two. Your giggles as Max left chaft kisses all over your face made him smile.

He felt bad for looking. He knew you were struggling with insecurities, and he wanted to respect your privacy.

But as your shirt inches up your body, he catches sight of the dark marks along your hips and torso.

He immediately stopped everything. His breathe hitched in his throat.

You looked where his eyes had landed. The secret finally out. One part of you wanted to be relieved, but right now you were panicking. Your brain reeling with every possible outcome.

You did the first thing that came to mind. You apologized. You begged him not to tell anyone. Tried to convince him that it was your own fault. Your breath becoming more uneven with every word.

Max was taken off guard. He knew it had been bad, but he’d never seen it and you’d never shown him. His emotions were bubbling to the surface rapidly. But you didn’t need him to be angry with your father right now.

He removes his hands from your body to give you space. He didn’t want to scare you anymore then he already had. “Don’t apologize, none of that is your fault, okay.” It felt like he was trying to soothe a wild animal. “Can I hold you?”

You nodded your head yes. Eyes moving rapidly to every sound. Your senses hyper aware of everything happening.

He reached out for you slowly, making sure to stay within eye view. Something that helped him when he’d come to you. Slowly you made your way into his arms. Basking in the way he felt like safety.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, but when you’re ready I’m going to spend hours kissing all your bruises better.”

~

The next morning, Max took it slow. You both were needed at the track but he wasn’t in a rush. He wanted to give you time. You’d fallen asleep in his arms. Him soothing every tear that ran down your cheeks.

When you two arrived together, he made his way through the back entry with you in tow. Attempting to avoid cameras and your father. He needed to make sure you got somewhere safe first before he even attempted talking to his lead engineer.

He immediately went to Christian. His face when he saw you two approach made Max want to turn around.

“I can see on your face that you want to punch someone.” Christian sighs in exasperation.

Max looks between his team principal and you. Words now refusing to form in his mouth. How was he supposed to explain this? “Can Y/N stay with you while I run around doing things.”

Christian hesitates, confusion evident. “Only if you tell me what’s going on.” He could see you were in pain. You looked like you’d been crying.

Max leaned into whisper. Worried about cameras and the nearing possibility of your father spotting you two. “It’s worse then we thought.”

Christian rubbed his temples. Motioning for Max and you to follow him into his office. The door closing the a soft click behind them. Neither sat down, the anxiety too much for either of them.

Christian was trying to get a read off of you. You, however, had yet to even look at him. Your body language had reverted back to when you were small. When he let you pretend to work on the cars. It hurt him.

He was about to say something when a knock sounded at the door. A rough knock. A familiar knock. You flinched away from the door. Your survival instincts kicking in.

Christian motioned for you two to sit down. Max gently gripping your wrist to get you to follow him. You flicked unintentionally but he just looked at you knowingly. You needed to move and he was just trying to help.

You sit down across from Christian. Max’s leg was bouncing up and down so fast you thought he might put a hole in the floor.

“Come in.”

You don’t turn around when the door closes. You can hear his breathing. Aware of his every move without even seeing him. Fighting every urge to run away.

“Oh- I was looking for Y/N. We need to go over some data.” He picked up on your fear. You knew it as he walked directly behind you. His hand gripping your shoulder.

You flinched and turned away from his hand. The tension in the room was to thick for you to breath. Max was already out of his chair and ready to connect his fist with anything.

Christian put his hands in between the two men. Aware of the still open door and people peaking inside.

You were trying to cower away from the aggression. Away from the onlookers. Into the safety of Max.

“I think Y/N was busy going over some things with Max, but I’d be happy to look at it.” Christian gave his best attempt at a neutral smile.

Your father was growing angrier. It’s the first time he’d openly tried anything. The grip he had on your shoulder already bruising.

“Busy doing what? Trying to ruin her future even more?”

Max saw red. He was already angry, but now he’d crossed a line. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. However, the feeling of his fist connecting with the jaw of your fathers was to satisfying for him to care.

Your father reeled backwards. His hands clutching his face.

You jump from the chair. Finding refuge behind Max's body.

Max was ready to go for another swing. Before he could lunge, Christian grabbed his shoulder.

"Why don't you Teo cool off in Max's driver room. I'll come find you later."

Max didn't move. His chest heaving. The two men willing eachother to make a move.

You take Max's wrist. Gently trying to lead him through the door.

You, however, didn't get far. Your father knew something was wrong the second he saw you come into the garage. He’d been around Max long enough to know that he’s a protector. He knew that if you wanted, you could ruin his entire life.

So, he lunged for you. Grabbed hold of your hair and pulled. You were in his grip again before Max could even register what was happening.

“Max, go get security.”

“But-“

“Your going to be faster then me.”

Reluctant, Max sprints out of the garage. Making his way swiftly to the nearest security checkpoint. He was grateful it was only Thursday. The amount of fans in the paddock significantly less and he didn’t have to drive with his adrenaline already so high.

You were silently pleading that Christian is able to talk some sense into your father. His previously free hand now covering your mouth.

You’d been here before. Breath. Hold. Exhale. Repeat. The mantra you’re mind recited through your entire childhood.

You could see Christian saying words but couldn’t hear them. He was trying to get closer but the hold on you became stronger with each step he took.

Your mind goes blank for a moment. Your body present but your mind dissociated. You can see the interactions take place, but you don’t feel present, or even real.

He is shaking you now. Your body jostling. Then the floor. More footsteps.

Max.

He’s leaning over you. Checking to see if your okay. You can see the panic in his eyes. A soft blue that you will your mind to latch onto.

You can hear him now. He’s whispering to you. “Your safe now” falling like a prayer from his lips.

Max cradles you in his arms. Holding you close as the noises of your father struggling slowly get quieter.

Christian also appeared at eye level. Crouching down beside the two of you. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t see it.”

“I didn’t want to cause my trouble.”

“You never cause trouble.” A smile ghosts across Christian’s face for a moment. “Your dad will not be allowed back into the paddock. And you already know, but if you ever need a place you’re welcome at our home.”

~

Unfortunately, the events that transpired were within view of people and cameras. Christian deemed it a ‘family emergency’ and let you two go back to the hotel. Leaving the media Max needed to do for tomorrow and Checo to replace Max at the press conference.

Now you and Max lay facing each other on the bed. Neither has said very much. Only trying to process the events.

Then you remember something Max said last night. “Can you kiss it better please?”

Max smiled softly and inched himself closer to you. “Stop me if it becomes to much.” You nod at him.

He lifts up your Redbull polo uniform just above your waistline. Placing gently kisses to every place on your body that your father had marked in some way.

He pulled you into him after he finished. The two of you just staying their. Embracing the new possibility of peace you’d both wanted for so long.

[vaspider]

Hi Spider!

Firstly, I’m very sorry you have to deal with all those difficult people in your posts.

Second, could we possibly hear the tale of your ancestor Shotgun Shorty? And great grand pappy who ran off the priest?

If you don’t have the spoons no worries!

Hey look, I'm avoiding real work by answering very old asks and pretending that counts!

(It does count. Shh.)

Shotgun Shorty was my great-grandmother, and the man who ran the priest off of his farm (repeatedly) was my great-granddaddy. They were married to each other and immigrated from Poland together; we suspect, but cannot presently prove, that Agnes may have been born Jewish. (I've done as much poking and prodding about the topic as I can without actually going to Poland, I think, and it only matters so much to me, because I'm Jewish regardless.)

Anyway, they came over to the US shortly after the turn of the 20th century with my great-grandmother's sister & settled in central Pennsylvania. She ran the farm with her sister and the kids who weren't in the mines and had over a dozen children -- I think the final count was fifteen? -- and I think about 2/3 of them made it through childhood, and he worked in the coal mines and also ran the farm. My granddaddy was a breaker boy as a kid (though I grew up hearing it called being a 'picker'). Neither one of them spoke much English and my granddaddy wouldn't let my dad learn whatever they spoke, so most of these stories come through my granddaddy and his siblings to my dad and then to me.

So as you'll note from that little recounting above, most of the time, my great-grandmother and her sister were the adults at the farm. Great-grammy was built like a little teapot - short and stout - and was by all accounts both an absolute force of nature and... let's say "not too enamored of the Catholic Church." I have been given several different reasons why over the years, but suffice to say that neither she nor her husband liked the Catholic Church very much at all.

The nickname Shotgun Shorty started the day that my grandmother chased a vicious dog off the farm with her shotgun, and from there forward, if strangers showed up on the farm, she'd meet them on the front porch, all five feet nothing of her, barefoot, with her shotgun. Stories vary on whether she ever actually fired the thing at anybody, but I have heard multiple stories of warning shots. Again -- it was her and her sister and the kids during the day.

And then there's this guy.

He hated the Catholic Church. He especially hated priests. No, I don't know exactly why -- though, given the things we theorize about my family, I have my guesses -- I just know that he did. He especially especially hated priests asking for money.

And that is how, despite never having been Catholic, my great-grandfather was supposedly excommunicated after the third time he chased a priest off the farm who showed up asking for donations. No, not with a shotgun, that was the province of my great-grandmother. Great-granddaddy chased the priests off of his farm with a pitchfork. Why they kept coming back, I suppose we'll never know, since they're all dead now.

Sometimes I kinda wonder if maybe it was some sort of hazing ritual for new priests or something. "Oh, yeah, sure, go ask up at that farm, they love priests up there!"

[sl-ut]

a princess's order

pairing: rhaenyra targaryen x fem!reader

description: rhaenyra tries to come to terms with the fact that y/n is betrothed and will soon be leaving king’s landing, but it is much more difficult than she had anticipated.

warnings: descriptions of sex, slight hints homophobia, arranged marriage

words: 4.4K

date posted: 20/12/2022

next part

“Have you ever kissed a man?” 

The question was a bold one to be asked by one young princess to her lady as they took a stroll through the gardens, and a few older ladies seemed to perk up as she asked it while they passed by. Gossip was a very expensive luxury in King’s Landing, and so late in the afternoon on the evening of a royal feast, very few were eager to pass up points of conversation to bring up with those who they are seated with. However, anyone who genuinely knew the princess and her lady would know that this was not entirely out of context. The two young girls liked to spy on others at court, spinning their own tales about which lady was after which lord, and what aspects of their personal life would jeopardise such a match, making sly comments about the men who served the princess’s father so dutifully (and the queen, on several occasions), but never had they truly ventured into their own sexual appetites, for they were both young and unmarried, so they were expected to have not taken part in anything below their station.

Y/n’s face beamed with heat, embarrassment creeping up her spine at the princess’s question. She lowered her gaze to the fabrics of her skirts, picking at them anxiously with her free hand before she shook her head.

“Of course not,” She glanced over her shoulder to spy the princess’s sworn protector, Ser Criston acting as if he was not at all listening in on their conversation from several paces back, “It would be unbefitting of me.”

“Hm,” Rhaenyra hummed, “Interesting.”

"Rhaenyra," The lady hissed, "Please tell me you haven't-"

“Lady Y/n, do you dare question my virtue? As Princess of the Seven Kingdoms and heir to the Iron Throne, I could have you hanged, drawn, and quartered for such a thing.”

“Lady Y/n, do you dare question my virtue? As Princess of the Seven Kingdoms and heir to the Iron Throne, I could have you hanged, drawn, and quartered for such a thing.”

Y/n scoffed, bumping the silver haired princess with her shoulder as they continued to walk. Rhaenyra chuckled at her, pursing her lips as she thought up her next inquiry.

“Have you ever been with a man?”

“Rhaenyra!” Y/n sneered under her breath, “I’ve already told you that I haven’t so much as kissed a man, and now you ask if I’ve-” She glanced back at Ser Criston once more before lowering her voice even more, “-lost my maidenhead?”

“Oh please, it does not require kissing.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. She did her best not to imagine how her parents had been while performing their marital duties, but she did know that they were very in love and did not hold back on their affection when in the company of their own families. As the lord of a powerful house from the Riverlands, Y/n’s father was betrothed to the most suitable bride, and it was considerable luck that they grew fond of each other. Y/n dreamed of a marriage of her own that resembled that of her parents, and she certainly could not imagine allowing someone to be inside of her without even so much as a kiss.

“Would you wish it without?” Y/n asked.

Rhaenyra debated her answer, “Depends. If he is old and ugly, I think I could do without, but I think I would quite prefer it if he were to be quite handsome.”

Y/n remained quiet at this. The days were growing sparse in the time that they had left together like this; Soon enough they would be married off and unable to spend so much time together in favour of caring for their husbands and children. Rhaenyra at least had the luxury of having a choice in the matter, and the fact that she would remain in King’s Landing regardless of who she married, while Y/n was under the complete control of her father and could be shipped off to the other end of Westeros to marry any old lord at a moment’s notice. In fact, she knew for a fact that her father had already been corresponding with several lords around the nation for a match for her, whether it be for himself or for his son, and from her father’s perspective, many seem eager to take such a fine young lady to wife. 

“I think we should return, Princess,” Y/n murmured, “The sun is setting, and you still need to be bathed and dressed before the feast.”

If Rhaenyra took note of her friend’s change in attitude, she did not make it clear to her as she quietly agreed, holding her arm tighter within her own as they began the trek back into the Red Keep and up to the tower where her chambers were. 

The hours of the evening passed quickly with so much to do. Rhaenyra took her time in the bath, preferring to make life more difficult for her ladies and handmaidens than it truly needed to be, while Y/n carefully laid out her gown for the evening before taking care of her own appearance. The young lady donned a gown of scarlet silk, a colour that Rhaenyra insisted that she wears more often–not only did it compliment her features tremendously, but it also meant that she wore the colours of the royal house. The dress had short, capped sleeves, and an intricately embroidered bodice of gold, white, and amethyst, allowing her space to breathe and giving her a more womanly figure, which her father insisted that she must begin to present. 

Rhaenyra smiled at her when she took in her appearance, kissing her cheek and telling her that she was lovely. The young lady blushed at her words, surely Rhaenyra must be blind to compliment her when she always appeared so radiant herself. Rhaenyra’s gown was extravagant for such a common event, though she seemed to prefer more mature designs as of late. It was grey in colour, but took on multiple shades of thread that decorated the entire length of the gown; It was a beauty that Y/n imagined that her father would need to sell all of his titles and lands to even hope to afford, though it was likely gifted to the princess, as many of her finer articles were. The princess struggled to disguise her sneer when her handmaidens suggested that tonight she would attract many suitors in such a dress, and even joked that she would change if they thought such a thing.

“You look beautiful, princess,” Y/n wrapped her arms around her shoulders from behind as they stared into the mirror at one another, “Like a queen in her own right.”

Rhaenyra smiled at her, the apples of her cheeks growing red at her praise, grasping her hands within her own to thank her. 

The princess did not expect to find someone so dear to her after Alicent became queen, and she hadn’t expected to feel so close to someone else in such a way that made her heart soar upon her kind words and her stomach clenched at the mere sight of her. Rhaenyra admired her friend’s beauty, sometimes finding herself unable to look away even when she was caught. She, too, understood that their friendship would never stay the same after they were both married, only she was under the impression that she would be able to call upon her dearest friend whenever she needed her, and that Y/n would never agree to a match that required her to pick up and leave her behind. 

The feast was grand, a celebration of the young princess Helaena’s second name day. It was not an occasion in comparison to the ones held in honour for Rhaenyra’s own name days, nor was it as grand as those held for the prince Aegon, but it was still a large scale event that befits a member of the royal family. Rhaenyra, of course, is seated at the right hand of her father, glowing in the candle light as she overlooks the masses that have gathered, eyes constantly falling over to where her beloved friend was sitting with her own father, who scarcely took a break from socialising with the other nobles around him to notice that Jason Lannister had taken up the seat next to his daughter and was speaking very closely to her ear. 

Rhaenyra sneered at this. Jason Lannister had once made an attempt to seduce her, and once she had made it clear to him that she would fly to Casterly Rock and burn it to the ground before she became its Lady, he made haste to turn his attentions elsewhere, and unfortunately for her, he had seemed to set his gaze upon Lady Y/n. She appeared to be equally as unimpressed with his honey-coated words as she did thankful for some sort of entertainment, but Rhaenyra was sure that Y/n wouldn’t be foolish enough to fall for whatever he was telling her, especially since she had been the one to tell her many things about Jason Lannister several years before when he had tried to seduce the princess at Aegon’s name day hunt. 

Still, the princess found herself downing the remainder of her honey wine–funnily enough having been provided for the feast by Jason Lannister’s brother, Tyland–before she descended the small staircase and slowly made her way through the crowd in the direction of her lady.

“Lord Jason,” Rhaenyra interrupted whatever he was saying, “If you wouldn’t mind, I am in need of Lady Y/n’s assistance.”

“Princess,” The lord appeared peeved at her for stealing the young lady away, but offered no interference, “Why of course.” He paused to kiss Y/n’s knuckles, “I hope you might save me a dance, Lady Y/n.”

Rhaenyra snickered as she led her friend away from the lords, “I’ll accept your thanks later. You truly mustn’t keep such dull company, dear friend.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “That is why I accompany myself with you, Princess. Never a dull moment. Though, I’m afraid my father won’t be happy with you dragging me away from yet another potential betrothal.”

Rhaenyra glared, “You and Jason Lannister? He is hardly worthy.”

Y/n sighed, “I’m starting to think that you believe that no one is worthy.”

“Because no one is worthy of you,” Rhaenyra grasped her hand within her own. “Nor will they ever be, and I promise I will feed any man who claims otherwise to Syrax.”

Rhaenyra was serious with her threat, and though she knew better than to think that she could just feed anyone to her dragon for simply glancing in her lady’s direction, it did not stop her from releasing the wrath of her own inner dragon on them.

Over the next four weeks, Rhaenyra made sure to have lords embarrassed or sent away from court as they began to interrupt her time with Y/n, few of them brave enough to make propositions to both of them. Rhaenyra was growing suspicious of Y/n’s father, who never seemed to be too far from his daughter these days and always seemed to be peeved with the amount of time that the two young girls often spent together. 

During the fifth week, Rhaenyra set her sights on Lord Robert Crane, the heir to a northern house. It had happened during one of their many strolls through the gardens, Rhaenyra had stepped away from the beaten path for a moment as she spied a small red flower with dark black blooming around the edge of each petal, plucking it for her dearest lady only to find that the young lord had taken her place, offering her an even larger flower of gold and amethyst–the colours of his own house. 

“Lord Robin, how lovely to see you,” She greeted him with a sickly smile.

“Princess,” He bowed his head to her, then shrugged as he corrected her, “Apologies, but it’s Robert.”

“Oh, how foolish of me,” Rhaenyra smirked, “I have a hard time remembering names of those who are scarcely mentioned at court.”

Y/n widened her eyes at her as a silent sign to stop speaking, though the young lord did not seem to even understand the insult, or if he had, he did not allow her to see the fact that he had been so affected by her words. 

“No offence taken, Princess,” He shrugged once more, “My family does not come to court often, as we are so far away.” Robert glanced over to hold Y/n’s uncertain gaze, “My father and I have come to find me a suitable match, I’m to inherit the seat of Denmerhell someday. My home is the source of more than half of the realm’s rubies, and I would hope to someday shower my bride in jewels just as precious as she.”

Rhaenyra sneered at him, then at her lady who seemed to be soaking up every ounce of attention that he was offering her. 

“Yes, well we usually prefer even more precious materials here in the capitol, isn’t that right, Lady Y/n?” She turned to her friend, reaching to lift her hand to show him the dainty ring that sat on her finger, “Valyrian steel. I had a second made so that my lady and I could match.”

“Valyrian steel?” He puckered his lips in thought, “Now that is hard to come by, though I suppose it is quite a waste to melt it into jewellery rather than weapons. Beautiful as it may be, this ring could be a dagger–I could make you one, my lady, and encrust the hilt with as many rubies as you please.”

Rhaenyra could not help the slight drop of her jaw. He could not have just offered to take the ring that she had made for Y/n to make it into a dagger–How bold could he be? She was the princess, for gods’ sake, and someday would be queen. Though, at least she now knew who her first war would be waged against.

“Thank you, my lord, that is a very kind offer.” Y/n smiled politely.

“We must go, I’m afraid,” Rhaenyra took Y/n’s arm, “Womanly duties, I’m sure Lord Reginald understands.” 

“Of course,” He pressed a kiss to Y/n’s knuckles, “My lady.”

He sauntered off without even acknowledging the princess once more, leaving both of the young ladies to watch his back as he disappeared around one of the many long walls of hedges. Rhaenyra was baffled to find somewhat of a dreamy glaze coating her friend’s eyes as she stared after the young lord, and grasped her arm tighter within her own in order to return her attention to her. As the sole child of the king, Rhaenyra was more than accustomed to being spoiled with goods and attention, and while many suitors have cut in on their time together in search of her own hand in marriage, she did not appreciate having Y/n’s attention stolen away–sharing was not something she was ever required to do. 

The weeks that followed had plagued Rhaenyra. Y/n’s father had been hard at work to find his daughter a match, and as hard as she tried, Lord Robert Crane did not scare as easily as the others. To be quite plain, the man was boring, sure he had titles and wealth, and perhaps he may be an accomplished knight, but he was selfish and spoke solely of his own accomplishments rather than inquiring about Y/n. It was clear that he was quite taken with her, and he would be incredibly glad to take her as his wife, and for some unknown reason, Y/n was just as taken with him. As far as Rhaenyra was concerned, Y/n was the only confidant that she had remaining, and Robert Crane was a clear threat.

The princess began taking extreme measures, requiring her lady’s attention to be entirely on her for most hours of the day, while also requesting that she break her fast and eat her dinner with her each day, and some nights she even asked her to lie next to her, claiming that she was having trouble sleeping. These nights would be spent in quiet whispers, gentle touches of fingers beneath the sheets, and soft giggles as they struggled to remain quiet enough to avoid being heard by Ser Criston from his post outside the door, though nothing could prevent the gleeful snickers from escaping the room. It was a way of keeping her close, keeping her loyal to her and only her.

The silver-haired princess was less than pleased one evening, upon crawling beneath the sheets of her goosefeather bed only for her lady to turn over and curl into herself. Curious, Rhaenyra took in the sight of her figure beneath the covers, and scooched closer so that she may reach around her and grasp her cool fingers within her own. Curling into her, Rhaenyra rested her chin on Y/n’s shoulder to be able to see her face.

“Are you angry with me?”

A small sniffle left Y/n before she spoke, voice wavering, “Angry? I could never be, princess.”

“What is the matter?” She asked, “Are you harmed?”

“No, princess,” Y/n turned to lay facing the princess, allowing her to peer at her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks, “My father has betrothed me.”

Rhaenyra gulped, her gaze hardening as she spit out, “To whom?”

The young lady paused before she whispered her answer, “Lord Robert Crane.”

The princess laughed humourlessly, “Your father is a fool to believe that he is worthy of you.”

“Worthy? Rhaenyra, House Crane is much wealthier than my own, and they are a powerful force in the north, second only to House Stark. I am marrying well above my station.”

“And yet, here you are. As my lady, you are in the highest position any lady could dream of, save for queen. You are among the most precious beings in this realm, much too precious to be wearing his rubies.”

Y/n giggled sadly, shaking her head, “I wish we could stay like this; Neither of us would need to marry or have children. We could simply be together.”

Rhaenyra flushed at her words, “I would like that, too. I long to keep you at my side, and I can imagine you at the side of no one except myself. I would take you as my own wife to keep you near.”

Y/n furrowed her brows, “You shouldn’t say such things.”

“I am serious,” Rhaenyra sat up, “I do not understand why I must marry a man. If it is for the sake of children, I would take a husband simply to provide heirs, but you would be my consort. Aegon the Conqueror took two wives, so why can I not?”

“You are not meant to take any wives, Rhaenyra,” Y/n noted, “In truth, I understand it as little as you, and I cannot say why it is wrong, only that the world would not allow it.”

“The world is mine to claim,” Rhaenyra smirked at her, “When I am queen, I can change the law and do as I please.”

“Careful, Nyra,” The young lady told her, “You begin to sound like a tyrant.”

“I would be,” The princess moved to straddle the girl, “for you.”

“Rhaenyra–”

“Do not speak,” The princess crouched to hover over her, nudging her playfully with her nose.

Carefully, Rhaenyra lowered her face and gently laid a quick kiss to her friend’s own li[ps. She pulled back enough for the young lady to make any sort of refusal to the union, though after receiving none, she pressed even closer.

She moved to press her kisses along the expanse of Y/n’s collar bones, fingers carefully tugging the neckline of her nightgown so that she could access even more of her supple flesh. Y/n whimpered under her touch, one hand reaching to tangle her fingers in the long silver locks of the princess, while her other palm pressed into her waist. 

Pulling away, Rhaenyra sat up once more and quickly tugged her own silk nightdress over her head, leaving her bare to the world and to her young lady, who had seen her in such a state many a time before, though it was always during her bathing or when Y/n was helping her dress, and never in the sense that she was exposing herself to her lady in the sexual manner that she had been now. Y/n’s eyes widened, taking her time in actually admiring the princess’s form as she hovered over her. She whimpered her name as Rhaenyra began to trace her breasts through the sheer gown, pinching her nipple gently until it hardened into an erect peak.

“Shh…” the princess whispered, “Allow me to perform my wifely duties, my sweet.”

The nights over the next few weeks followed suit. Some nights they simply lay side by side and talked until exhaustion would take over, sharing sweet kisses and gentle touches. Other nights, Rhaenyra would waste little time ridding herself of her nightgown and they would bring each other to the edge as many times as it took for each of them to be satisfied. Y/n understood this to be lust, something that her mother had always warned her against, though she had strictly mentioned that she needed to be careful of the lust brought on by the influence of men–that falling pregnant prior to marriage would ruin her reputation, and by association, her life. This, however, was not a threat with Rhaenyra, it was harmless fun that may or may not have provided her with some comfort in the feelings that were beginning to flourish in her chest each time that she crawled into bed next to her. For Rhaenyra, it was different. She hadn’t been joking as much as her friend had believed her to be, and fully intended on keeping her at her side for the rest of her life. She understood that most wouldn’t accept Y/n as her consort, but she would certainly be the love of her life while whatever man would be held responsible for helping her bear heirs would be just that and free to do as he pleased as well. 

And then she heard the news. It was announced at a small feast one evening–scarcely thirty people in attendance–that Y/n and her betrothed would be leaving the capitol in a fortnight and were to be wedded once they arrived in Denmerhell, which was thousands of miles from King’s Landing. 

Y/n knew from the glare that she received from the silver-haired princess that she would not soon hear the end of her anger. The atmosphere in the princess’s chambers was not as calming as usual when she arrived that night. She called her name twice before she found her curled into herself beneath her silk sheets. 

“Rhaenyra,” she sighed, rounding the bed to sit on her knees behind her, “Please speak to me.”

The princess rolled onto her back, icily staring up at her friend, “What do I have to speak about? I could tell you that he is not worthy of you, that I would take you as my consort, that I would let them all burn for you. I’ve told you all of this before and yet your father hopes to send you away. Tell me, what did his face look like when you refused?”

Y/n’s bottom lip quivered, “I would not know.”

“You haven’t told him yet?”

“Rhaenyra, you know that I cannot–”

“You can. You can refuse him, stay with me until I take the throne and become a queen. You can, and you will, just as I have said no to countless men so that I can have you.”

“You know it isn’t the same, Rhaenyra.”

“Do I?”

“You are the heir to the Iron Throne, men are throwing themselves at your feet in hopes of being chosen.  I am the youngest child of a lord who just so happens to be in favour with the king, I have three older sisters who have already wed powerful lords, and I am simply lucky enough that my father cares for the station of the man I marry. In the last year, I have had three potential suitors, all of which you have chased away, and one man who managed to propose before you could. I do not have the same luxuries as you, Rhaenyra, and this is one of them.”

“Do not speak to me of responsibility, remember which of us is in line to inherit the Iron Throne.”

“Don’t think I have ever forgotten. You have been praised for the mundane and promised things I could never even dream of, you wear the finest of clothing and are gifted the most beautiful of jewellery in the realm, you get to do things that would ruin anyone else without consequences, and you don’t even take into consideration of what others give for you.”

Rhaenyra sneered, fingers grasping at Y/n’s wrist before she could clamber away from her, “So it is jealousy, then? You cannot spare to see me with fine things or hold my birthright?”

Y/n wiped her cheek, pulling away from her iron grasp as she began to pull her robe over her shoulders, “You have been granted great things, Rhaenyra, but you cannot begin to know what it means to not be the royal heir. The lords scarcely accept you as heir, do you truly think they would accept me as your wife?”

“Where are you going?” 

“My own chambers.”

Rhaenyra stood from the bed, “No. You will sleep at my side as you always have. You will tend to me, as you always have, and if you still wish to be a northerner’s whore, then I am powerless to stop you.”

Y/n’s spine visibly stiffened, “Is that an order, Princess Rhaenyra?”

Rhaenyra sniffled, “Yes.”

Rhaenyra did not find sleep that night, nor many of those to come. A fortnight passed seamlessly, leaving her to watch from afar as a wheelhouse was prepared for the long trek north. She had yet to speak to her friend about that night, scarcely speaking to her at all beyond orders. 

“Princess,” One of her handmaidens appeared behind her, “Do you wish to bid farewell to Lady Y/n?”

Rhaenyra turned her gaze back down to the sight below her, catching the gaze of her friend from hundreds of feet below. Tears welled at her waterline, begging to be freed as the young lady raised a hand to her. 

Wiping at her cheeks, the princess turned to march back into her chambers, “I would not.”

She disappeared within the palace walls in a flash of silver, leaving Y/n’s final glimpse of her to be one of utter betrayal.

[llyfrenfys]

On Cadi as the Welsh equivalent of Queer

(image: screenshot of the entry for Cadi in Geiriadur Prifysgol Cymru)

Some of you may already know this, but for those who don't, Cadi is a Welsh word which is analogous to the word Queer in English. I say analogous, since their meanings aren't quite a 1:1 match. But for shorthand, Welsh equivalent of Queer sums 90% of it up.

It has been suggested tentatively by some to use Cadi as the Welsh translation of Queer. I'm going to explore arguments for and against, but ultimately the choice to use/not use Cadi as a 1:1 with Queer is entirely up to you. Warning that this post is quite long, but I do hope you'll stick with it- please let me know what you think in the notes!

Without further ado, let's get into it:

Definition of Cadi:

Cadi is a term which has existed in Welsh since the 17th Century (roughly) and generally refers to effeminacy in men (real or perceived). Over time, the meaning of the term has expanded to refer to other (Queer) things as well. But the term itself largely has been applied to Queer men and queer masculinities through time.

The term itself derives from the girl's name Catrin and you will come across women who call themselves Cadi as a shortening of their name (like Liz from Elizabeth and so on). In this way, there is a strong point of comparison to be had with the English queer pejorative Nancy, which also derives from a girl's name.

Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer?

So now to the real meat of the post. Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer? The answer to that is, unsurprisingly, complicated.

As described above, Cadi is a term which has had strong associations with male effeminacy (real or perceived) and has close parallels to the English term Nancy, which is also nearly exclusively applied to Queer men and masculinities. What this presents is a quandary and I'll explain what I mean by that. But first, we need to outline the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology in general (in the West).

LGBTQIA+ Terminology and the inclination towards cis gay language:

This is a huge huge topic which I cannot possibly do justice to here alone, so I'd highly recommend reading up on these topics when you have time, but for the sake of brevity, here is a tldr on the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology (slightly UK-centric but similar events also happened in the US and Canada, as well as other parts of Europe).

Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) is a British Lesbian and Gay rights organisation founded in the 1960s, during a time of great social and political change. The organisation's membership grew and grew well into the 70s before declining in the 80s. It was during this time that some lesbian members of the organisation left citing erasure of lesbian issues and misogyny in the movement. CHE and similar gay and lesbian rights movements in this period had been inclined to centre gay men's issues in their activism, which understandably led to many lesbians feeling alienated. Some lesbians left in the late 70s and early 80s and began to form their own advocacy groups. This indirectly fed into a wider feminist upheaval at the time and led to the rise of lesbian feminism, which aimed to centre lesbian issues within feminism, but unfortunately (for complex historical reasons) did then contribute to the proliferation of rad\ical femi\nism within the Queer community, which then unfortunately contributed to the rise of tra\ns exclu\sionary rad\ical fem\inism. Regardless of the unfortunate rise of transphobia within the lesbian feminist movement, the original catalyst for the formation of these groups was a sense of alienation from the rest of the Queer community because gay men's issues had been prioritised over lesbian issues, when both could have been tackled together, with each other. This alienation was echoed in the names of organisations and events- many early homosexual rights groups only had homosexual or gay in their group names. It took many years before advocacy groups started adding 'and lesbian' to their names and events.

(For further reading, I would suggest watching this video by Verilybitchie about the history of lesbian erasure in homosexual advocacy and how that led to (some) lesbian groups excluding bi and trans people in the same way they were excluded by gay men)

What does that history mean for Cadi?:

Because of a history of lesbian (and by extension, women's) exclusion from homosexual advocacy groups, is Cadi the best term to use as a catch-all given its strong associations with men's expressions of Queerness? (namely, that as a pejorative it is largely aimed at femininity in men and subsequent assumed homosexuality). It is important to consider if using Cadi as an equivalent of Queer would centre a (typically cis) gay experience/expression of Queerness and if that would alienate other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

However, a counterpoint to this would be that there are variations of the term Cadi which do include other experiences of Queerness:

Cadi ffan (similar to just 'Cadi')- typically used to describe femininity in men and boys [N. Wales]

Cadi genod/ Cadi merched (similar to above) - effeminate man/boy [N. Wales]

Cadi bechgyn - Romping girl, tomboy [N. Wales]

Cati fachgen - (similar to above)- Romping girl, tomboy [S. Wales]

Cadi Haf - Male maypole dancer dressed as a girl

They are, however, somewhat limited for use in reclamation and have to be qualified by another noun to indicate diversion from the original term's meaning.

But when talking about the term Cadi, we often speak in the abstract- without the context in which the term is used. So here are a few extracts from texts which use the term Cadi (or variants). Since this is a mostly spoken slang term, it doesn't turn up in print often, but there are a few examples to draw on.

Examples of Cadi in texts:

Page 164- Cwm Eithin by Hugh Evans (1931):

"DAWNSIO HAF Ceir darnodiad o'r ddefod hynafol dawnsio haf yn Y Gwyl- fedydd, 1823, tudal. 306, gan un a'i geilw ei hun “ Callestrwr,” fel yr arferid hi yn Callestr (Fflint, mae'n debyg). Ym mis Ebrill arferai o ddwsin i ugain o bobl ieuainc ymuno i baratoi ar gyfer y ddawns. Gwisgai'r dawnswyr eu crysau yn uchaf wedi eu haddurno ag ysnodennau a blodau. Cariai'r arweinydd fforch bren ar lun y llythyren Y. Gwnïid lliain o'r naill fraich i'r llall, ac addurnid y fforch ag amryw lestri arian, tebotiau, llwyau, cigweiniau, efc. Byddai gyda hwy grythor yn ei ddillad ei hun, “cadi” mewn gwisg merch, ac ynfytyn mewn gwisg ryfedd â phlu yn ei ben"

[emphasis mine]

This extract is the author's account of Dawnsio Haf- a Summer dance held on May Day and his investigations into it. At his time of writing (1931) the practice has died out, but later in this chapter he interviews an old woman from the Conwy Valley who participated in the dances as a child. Evans draws upon a source from 1823 for his description of Dawnsio Haf. In it, he mentions that 20 young dancers meet up for the dance wearing shirts decorated with ribbons and flowers. A leader carries a fork in the shape of the letter "Y"- between each point on the "Y" a cloth was strung with silverware dangling from it to make noise. With the 20 dancers would be a crwth-player (crythor), a Cadi in women's clothes and a fool with a feather on his cap and odd clothes.

This usage is quite archaic and refers to a folk dance- much like mumming or morris-dancing. There is however, a picture in the People's Collection Wales titled 'Cadi'r Big' taken by the prolific photographer John Tomas c. 1875, near Y Ro-wen:

Which is very interesting as Cadi'r Big has dried flowers and ribbons attached to their clothes, much like in the description in Cwm Eithin. This is very likely a picture of a "Cadi" from a Dawnsio Haf.

Page 4- Y Ddraig Binc Issue 4 (1994):

Y Ddraig Binc was a Welsh-language Queer magazine published by CYLCH, a gay and lesbian rights organisation based in Aberystwyth. The term Cadi-ffan is included in an article about the commercialisation of Queer identity in the magazine's fourth edition.

"...Nawr te, medd wrtho’i hun, be’ gymera’ i’r mis hwn, copi o GQ ynte Arena neu ydw i, efallai, yn teimlo’n ddigon ifanc a trendi am Sky? Ond aros funud, beth yw hyn? Dau gylchgrawn steil newydd a gwynt digamsyniol cadi-ffan arnyn nhw?

Ydy, mae’r hyn a oedd y tu hwnt i ddychymyg wedi digwydd. Mae grymoedd y farchnad rydd a chystadleuaeth wedi cyrraedd y byd cyhoeddi hoyw - rhaid bod Lêdi T wrth ei bodd. Nawr fe gaiff llanc hoyw ddewis o ddeunydd darllen sgleiniog, llawn erthyglau a hysbysebion yn arbennig ar ei gyfer ef a’i rywioldeb. Hwrê! Fedr hynny ddim bod yn beth drwg. Neu a fedr o?..."

[emphasis mine]

This humorous article (dealing with an important topic, mind) pokes fun at the arrival of Queer commercialisation. The article opens by explaining that there's a ruckus in the gay world (and not two old queens getting into fisticuffs)- but that this ruckus is taking place at WHSmith (UK stationery shop and newsagents)- apparent winner of this year's most vulgar uniform award. The author goes on to describe a hypothetical situation in which a gay man walks into a WHSmith to buy a magazine. He wonders whether to get a copy of GQ or Arena (men's style magazines- remember this was published in Section 28 Era so explicitly gay magazines were not common) or is he trendy enough to read Sky? (film and tv magazine). But wait- what's this? Two new style magazines with a whiff of Cadi-ffan about them? The author explains that yes, the unimaginable has happened. The forces of the free market and competition have reached the world of gay publishing.

Now a gay youth has the choice of glossy reading material, full of articles and advertisements especially for him and his sexuality. Hooray! That can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Writes the author. The article is very witty and I recommend a read (find a pdf copy here). But the usage of Cadi-ffan here is very much in a reclaimed sense. Though it must be noted that the story is told through a stereotypical cis gay lens.

Conclusions:

As I said at the start of this post, you are free to claim or not claim Cadi as you wish. However, as awareness of Welsh LGBTQIA+ terminology increases, I wanted to raise important questions and start a conversation about the words we have, what we want them to be and how they have been used against us. I hope in any case that this post has been interesting to you. If it has, please reblog this or add any comments/thoughts in the notes, tags or in my asks.

Beth yw eich barn chi? I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this and start a conversation about it! Diolch am ddarllen

[amongthebooks]

did you miss me?

FANDOM: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II/III (Reboot)

PAIRING: Simon 'Ghost' Riley / John 'Soap' MacTavish (SoapGhost)

WORD COUNT: 870 words

-----------------------------------

Thinking about Soap and Ghost who constantly greet each other by asking “Did you miss me?”

It started off small. 

The phrase first spoken whenever Soap joined Ghost for breakfast at their usual booth. Every morning he’d slide in on the same side, knocking knees with the other man as they squished together despite the empty bench on the other side. 

“Did you miss me?” Soap would ask, even though they had only spent a night’s rest apart. Even though the previous day was spent entirely in one another’s company.

Ghost was no better, using the phrase whenever he entered a room - regardless of how long it had been since he had left it. How could he not, when Soap would always perk up at his return each time?

It didn't matter if he left for a few minutes to use the bathroom, or to grab paperwork from his office, or what. Without fail, he’d always slot himself back at Soap’s side, a hidden smirk pulling at his lips.

“Miss me, Johnny?”

Neither knew exactly how it started. If it was meant to be a joke or if a sincere question hid beneath those words. 

Honestly, it took surprisingly little before it became second nature. The question was their thing. And the more they used it, the more its meaning grew. 

When the 141 were wrapping up a week long mission- one where they all ended up split between the supporting units- it was Ghost who pushed through the sea of soldiers until he was at Soap’s side again. Eyes raking over the man’s mud-stained gear for any signs of a wound in his absence. 

“ ‘d you miss me, sergeant?” Ghost asked. His tone made it seem like just another question asked by the superior, though it didn’t stop the underlying check-in from coming through.

Are you hurt?

And despite the fact they weren’t yet on safe soil, still locked into their commanding roles, the tension visibly released from both of their shoulders at the realization that they had made it to exfil safe.

“Don’t think there was enough time for that, sir,” Soap quipped without missing a beat.

I’m solid, now.

When the team was sent on mandatory leave– most of them returning to their families for the duration– it was Soap who constantly checked on Ghost. Knowing that the man would have chosen to spend their break back on base. 

Somehow, he seemed to constantly run into things that reminded him of his lieutenant, and never hesitated to call him about it. Each time, the phone would only ring once before Ghost answered. As if he was waiting for their daily chat. 

Right before he’d dive into a story about a ghost-themed trinket he saw, or a new restaurant he tried, or an animal he ran into, Soap would always start by asking–

“Miss me yet?” His singsong voice never failing to get a chuckle out of Ghost. 

Is everything alright?

“You’re the one that can’t seem to stay away,” the man would respond on the other side of the line. Despite knowing that he was about to happily listen for hours as Soap updated him about his day. 

Thank you for checking in on me.

Again, and again, and again they fell into the familiar cycle of always checking in with each other. Always coming up with a reason. There was nothing ever official between them, but it served as reassurance and comfort all the same. The care that they showed one another was just so clear. 

Things finally progressed when the two of them were sent on back to back solo ops, forced to go months without seeing each other. 

Soap barely waited for the helo to touch down before finding his way to Ghost’s door. It was late, and he knew his arrival wouldn’t have been shared with the team yet, but that didn’t stop him from knocking anyway. 

The door opened by the third tap, revealing a surprised Brit on the other side. There were clear bags under his eyes, and curls poking out from his mask that was haphazardly thrown on. No doubt having been woken from deep sleep. 

But it didn’t stop Ghost’s expression from softening as he wordlessly stepped aside, letting Soap into his space before shuffling back to bed. He trusted Soap enough to not need to keep an eye on him as he did whatever he came for. 

When he felt the bed dip minutes later, rolling over to accommodate Soap after his gear was removed, Ghost simply threw an arm over the other man. It was the first time they had shared a bed, but the milestone felt nothing but natural. 

As they held each other tightly, making up for their time spent separated, Ghost mumbled fondly into the darkness-

“I missed you.”

And the body that curled around him whispered just as sweet, “I missed you too.”

[eatommo]

Send you Flowers [j.g.]{kd20}

Infidelity / Cunnilingus

Cw: infidelity, cheating, Javi is married, implied age gap, mutual pining, sexual tension, Javi the pussy eating king, power imbalance (she’s his assistant/manager), kissing, title and story both reference face/off not sorry,

Javi was married, and that didn’t stop you as quickly or as assuredly as it should’ve. He flirted with you, and you flirted back. He was your boss and a sick part of your brain wanted to know how far you could push him before he fired you or gave in. There was honesty in your relationship, the connection never was severed but nursed, treated like an integral part of your job.

Make Javi laugh, make Javi show up on time, make Javi drool. You excelled.

At first you felt the heat in your body and stamped it out, afraid that you’d develop some schoolgirl crush on the man. When the conversations of your life, of your confidence, of your body grew to have a haze of admiration, and when you couldn’t tell if he was just flattering you for his own selfish gain, or because he actually believed you were the most beautiful women he’d ever seen, regardless you broke.

It was quick and slow at the same time. You were in a hallway talking about the days agenda, you’d be by each other's side, press releases and interviews stretching well into the night hours. You could still smell his morning shower, his lose curls falling onto his forehead as he leaned against the doorframe with his hip, arms crossed as he kept your eyes engaged with his listening intently. “I’ve picked out a few outfits for you to try for the meeting with paramount.”

His eyes knit together, as he looked down at his half buttoned tropical shirt and his tiny European shorts you still hadn’t gotten used to seeing him in, “Why not this? It’s a zoom meeting.”

You don’t hide the way you let your gaze wonder, “It’s nice Javi, if they had already hired you, but for a pitch I think you should have something a little more sophisticated on.”

He tilts his head in consideration, “You think this is too casual? This is a 1,000 euro shirt.” He looks you up and down, “I think those clothes work for you.” he leans in ever so slightly as if whispering the next word into your ear, “Too well even.” He smirks, chewing on his lip “But I am a simple man to work with, ask nicely.”

You bite your own lip in mock frustration, “Please Javi, they should be on your bed.” You point past him, seeing the grey blazer folded neatly untouched at the foot of his bed. His head falls in an exaggerated sigh, before traipsing back into the room with you hot on his heels.

He holds up the fabric and for a moment of horror you think he’s going to put it over the loud fabric he’s already wearing, he tosses it back to the bed and begins to undue the buttons on his shirt.

Seamlessly you busy yourself with the itinerary on your phone, ignoring his undressed figure to the best of your abilities, and thinking about how he said he liked when you dressed professionally for a day of interviews.

He puts the blazer on alone, and doesn’t bother with more than two buttons, the clean plain of his chest is tantalizing and looks effortless and sharp at the same time.

“Have you seen Face/off?” Javi gets your attention quickly, you’ve seen it of course, multiple times, even more than once with Javi on planes.

“You know I have.” You smile fondly at the memories of working with Javi on his first film, and the ‘required’ viewing of his favorite Cage films.

Javi muses, “We’ve seen many good movies together.” He steps closer and your breath catches in your throat. “We’ve done many great things together.” You nod quietly, enraptured by the husky seriousness, “What’s one more?”

You let your brows pinch together, not wanting to commit fully to anything, before the air is stolen from your lungs in a deep sensual kiss. He licks into your mouth as if he’s been craving your taste for years. You can’t get enough of him, your phone falls onto the bed on top of his shirt, and you press up against him. When he touches you it’s like all those conversations have been replaying in his head on loop. He knows you like your hair pulled, he knows your neck is sensitive, he knows you like it when a man is rough with you.

If those conversations felt like a sin then, they sure as hell are feeling like heaven now. He pulls your head to the side with a fist knotting against your scalp, and scrapes his teeth down the side of your neck. The movement causes you to shudder, taking a deep breath as your heart hammer away in your chest. You want him, lord have mercy you want him, the hang up on your professional relationship has been all but gone for the longest time. You’ve been waiting for him, the married man to make the final move. He’s done with waiting.

He takes the collar of your blouse in his free hand tearing it from your body in a cacophony of buttons clanging onto the floor of his room. He grunts, letting the skin of your chest warm his hands as he strokes over the top of your bra, teasing the flesh of your nipples to a peak without even touching them.

He can mark you, he knows you want him to, sinking his teeth into the flesh of your breast he pins your body to his. The swell of his cock so strikingly obvious in his tiny shorts. You reach for him, losing your logical brain with each flick of his tongue against the bruises he leaves on your chest.

He knows so much about you, and in return in the same immoral way, you know how much he likes to eat pussy. It’s no surprise when you’re on your back, his hands running over the pantyhose, digging his nails into the thin fabric and tearing small holes into it. You protest but he shushes you. Kissing your ankle, he grips your leg bending it to his will, and tucking himself between your legs. “I bet I could make you cum just like this baby, with your clothes still on.” You groan, the thought as pleasant as it seems was also likely tangible, you were feeling like a hot coil had settled into your belly and that you were ready to burst at any given moment. “We don’t have time Javi.” You speak merely in interest of wanting to get done before you were interrupted one way or another.

“I know baby.” He kisses the tops of your thighs, you can feel the plush skin of his lips through the tears. “Next time.” He tears a hole through one leg, immediately kissing and laving at the supple skin with his tongue before tearing the other leg free and throwing the ruin pile of pantyhose over his shoulder.

He continues to press your legs open, strong hands gripping onto your thighs hard enough to leave bruises. He kisses over your sex, letting the scrap of underwear dampen the feeling until he can feel you tilt and cant your hips against his face. Begging silently to experience everything he’s put in your mind over years of sexual tension and stories under the guise of a casual friendship. Your underwear is off the second you ask, his mouth is on you as hungry as the first kiss.

Licking flat stripes up your center, dipping into your sex and gathering the sweet taste of your slick on his tongue before letting it dribble over the tight swollen bud of your clit. He circles it with his lips, sucking and flicking with his tongue until your hand finds its way into his hair and not letting up until you beg for him to stop, spent and grateful.

[cryptictongues]

Beyond Our Vessels

pairing: Barnabas Tharmr x Sleipnir Harbard x Fem!Reader rating: Explicit (MINORS DNI; 18+) word count: 4.4k summary: Barnabas lets you and Sleipnir enjoy each other and realizes something along the way.

warnings: porn without plot (this is pretty self-indulgent LOL), polyamory, threesome, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, minor pain play, making out, body worship, voyeurism

Author's Note: Spoilers about Barnabas's background and connections, and some mentions of things revealed from FFXVI Ultimania. Going to put an Ultimania spoiler note at the end for those interested. Nothing crazy, but of course read with caution!

Also, I wrote this in Barnabas's POV so please forgive me if some parts sound strange. It is something new I'm trying out.

[AO3 link]

Barnabas Tharmr is a patient man. Through his stoicism and endurance, he has learned that patience is everything and in time the things he commands will fall into place. While others are one step ahead, he is three steps further; calculating every possible move that would fall into his lap and how he would bend it to his liking. He is patient because he knows he is always in control, which brings him to the displays of affection happening right before him. 

Here he is sitting in his chair in the corner of his chambers, watching you and Sleipnir kiss hungrily: with Sleipnir on top of you palming at your breasts, while you keep your hands in his silver hair and rub your thighs together to relieve the want stirring between them. To see the both of you so needy for one another, the two people he trusts and loves with his whole being, is the most beautiful thing he has ever witnessed. 

Barnabas Tharmr can’t deny that he is a possessive man, especially when it comes to you. So much as a look from another man in your direction is a reason for punishment of the highest order, as no one is to look at you with such lust and need. You are his, and his alone… until now.

Barnabas had found you during his time in Kanver after their fight for independence was over. You were a barmaid, serving ale to the Kanver army and citizens in celebration. He was captivated by many things: the way you made barmaid garb look elegant and how you had the voice of an angel when you sang songs local to the area, just to name a couple. However, the one thing that absolutely drove him mad was the innocence you exuded; an innocence he so desperately wanted to break… and he did just that. He brought you to his kingdom, made you his queen, spoiled you with all the luxuries he could grant you, and had you submit to him at your own will, which you willingly gave away with his own when you both became Akashic to better serve his Master. Since then, you and Sleipnir have been the only two members in his council that mattered; everyone else disposable.

You and Sleipnir’s devotion to him is undeniable, serving him in all ways that he commands willingly. However, over time, he had noticed subtle shifts between the two of you. Sleipnir was often ordered to keep watch over you when he was away, and every time he would come back he would sense the atmosphere was different. He had always conjured it up as you both grew closer due to such close proximity, which pleased him regardless.

It wasn’t until one night where he had woken up to your dream induced whimpers and curses that he knew the connection between you and his lord commander was much deeper than anticipated. He remembers hearing Sleipnir’s name as more pretty sounds would fill the room. He remembers thinking he should be enraged that you were dreaming of another, yet all he felt was the immense thrill that ran straight to his cock at the thought of watching Sleipnir take you. 

To say you were surprised when he approached you on the matter is an understatement, for you had broken down and fallen to your knees, confessing that the love you have for him extends to his second-in-command. You cried that you had tried to push the wavering feelings down, as he was everything you needed and wanted and more, but the harder you would push, the faster it would spring back up. He felt he should be angry at what would be considered emotional infidelity, but instead he had knelt down and cradled you in his arms, whispering in your ear how he wasn’t upset and how much he loves you. In his mind, he kept thinking maybe the soft spot in his heart for Sleipnir makes this so easy to forgive, even when there was nothing to be forgiven. 

Little did he know, it was much more than that.

A gasp brings Barnabas back to the moment, and he sees Sleipnir inserting one of his long fingers into your pretty cunt, leaving your mouth agape as you watch him play with you. He is leaning over you as he draws his finger in and out of you, cupping your face as he seemingly whispers words between shared kisses. Barnabas takes notice of one of your hands traveling down to Sleipnir’s cock, running your fingertips along the sensitive flesh. He is mesmerized at the chemistry the two of you have, both loving each other in rhythm. 

Sleipnir leans down towards your ear, muttering something Barnabas can’t decipher. Your head turns towards him as a second finger slips in, and his fists clench in self-control as your face contorts with a moan. He can feel his cock straining in his trousers but refuses to palm himself. He just tilts his head, admiring the sounds and faces you make as Sleipnir continues to get you ready for his own cock. Barnabas can tell you are overwhelmed with both the pleasure you are receiving while having to look at him, and he wants to see you fall apart.

“Sleipnir, why don’t you prepare our sweet angel with your tongue?” Barnabas suggests, causing your eyes to go big. 

Sleipnir looks at Barnabas from your neck, and grins. “As you wish, my liege.”

He sits back further in his seat as he observes Sleipnir make his way down your body, placing open mouthed kisses on your skin. Your head turns back to him only for him to seize your chin to keep it facing Barnabas. “Keep your eyes on your majesty. Let him watch as I please you.” 

Barnabas keeps his eyes on you, and knows instantly when Sleipnir’s tongue makes contact with your delicate flower: eyelids heavy, chest rising and falling more rapidly, and lips parted as sweet little moans enter his ears. Your hands reach down to Sleipnir’s hair, pulling the strands causing him to hum into your cunt and trail his free hand from your chin to your thigh, squeezing the flesh. 

“Oh stars please, Sleipnir!” You moaned, pushing his face more into your heat. Sleipnir picks up his pace, ravaging you in a way that has you squirming. This only makes Barnabas groan at the push and pull game the two of you are playing, and he decides to take a closer look. He stands from his seat, walking over to you two with the primal urge to be close. He kneels beside you, cupping your face in his hands before gently kissing you, a big contrast to the animalistic actions Sleipnir is performing between your thighs. A gasp from you breaks the kiss slightly, making Barnabas look to the cause. He sees how Sleipnir is devouring you, mouth sucking on your clit and fingers working you open, a third one being added to the mix sometime during his escapades. Watching him pleasure you in this manner feels so different and new, and it feels so right. 

Barnabas turns back to you, seeing how your eyes have not left him. He smiles wickedly, loving the way you are being so obedient to the two of them. “How are you faring, my dear? Is he making you feel good?”

You nod, a small curse leaving your lips at what he knows is from Sleipnir’s doing. “Hmmm feels so exquisite with his tongue, doesn’t he? Especially if he is making absolute sin drip from your own.” 

“Yes, my king! He feels so good!” You praise, causing a loud groan to hit your clit from Sleipnir which only makes you grow louder. 

Barnabas looks over at Sleipnir and to see the sight of his lord commander up close consuming your cunt with his fingers buried deep inside you is a sight to behold. While he cannot see the vigor of Sleipnir’s fingers, he can see him going back and forth from his pinkish gray lips sucking your pretty pearl to his tongue caressing it to make you last evermore. It’s hard to tear his eyes away from the glorious sight, but that sight will have to wait. After all, he wants to watch you surrender to the rapture you are about to fulfill.

He turns back to you, hands going to your cheeks, so your focus stays on him. He feels your hands wrap around his wrists, a grip of a thousand men clutching for dear life at your impending release. He can feel himself smile, teeth and all, for the desperation and need of release from you is apparent. And he is more than willing to give it to you. 

“Are you going to let go, my beloved? Are you going to give your lord commander the nectar he starves for?” A whine comes out of you, eyes shutting and head turning to the side. He is quick to turn your head back facing his, one hand leaving to grasp the back of your head by your hair. “Oh no, we can’t have that. You will keep your eyes on me when you finish.” 

Barnabas is barely holding on, the pout and tremble of your lips from the overwhelming stimulus happening makes him want to finish you off himself. But once again, he is a patient man. He will wait for Sleipnir to give you your first release of the night. A sudden gasp comes from you and a shake of your head starts as you start to fall over the edge. “Mmmm goodness Sleipnir please!” You wailed, the grip on Barnabas’s wrist growing tenfold with nails digging into his skin. He moans, the pain feeling so good, and he goes down to kiss you, swallowing your cries as Sleipnir draws you out of your orgasm. 

Barnabas feels movement on his right and releases your lips to see Sleipnir sitting up from your thighs, lips glistening with your arousal and hair a mess from your earlier pulling. He holds up the fingers that were once in your cunt and moves forward to bring them to your lips. “Open up.” Barnabas sits you up, and watches you lean over to lick your juices from Sleipnir’s fingers, purring at the taste as you clean them off. “That’s it, our sweet angel. Clean up your mess.” Sleipnir murmurs, a trance apparent at the way you work your tongue. 

Barnabas can’t keep his eyes off Sleipnir in this moment. Watching his chest rise and fall as he watches you, swollen, wet lips agape, small amounts of perspiration on his body. He looked like an absolute God, and Barnabas could feel something snap in his chest as realization dawned on him. He loves him. 

Barnabas loves Sleipnir. He created him to fill the loneliness and the void; to always have someone by his side for all time. When he doesn’t have the words, it is Sleipnir that knows what he is thinking. It is Sleipnir who knows what action needs to take place before Barnabas commands it. Before you, it was Sleipnir who protected Barnabas from his fears. His lord commander has always held a special place in Barnabas’s heart and the realization of those feelings have led to this moment: that the love he has for Sleipnir goes beyond companionship. 

Sleipnir’s focus is on Barnabas, curiosity in his eyes as he awaits his king’s next move. This sets Barnabas off, for he was going to admire the beautiful being before him so help him. He is quick to take his trousers off, now fully naked, and gets on the bed kneeling by your side. Barnabas takes no time at all to grab Sleipnir by the back of his neck, and bring him down for a deep kiss. He feels Sleipnir encircle his arms around his waist, pulling him in closer and urging him to keep going. Barnabas growls, biting Sleipnir’s bottom lip causing him to grunt, granting him full access to his taste; tongues greeting one another for the first time in 47 years. It feels so natural, and all he can think is that this is right. The three of you together as it should be. As it should have always been. 

He pulls away from Sleipnir’s lips, now looking more swollen and glossier than before, and he can’t help the genuine smile that forms. Sleipnir huffs out a laugh, his hand reaching up Barnabas’s cheek to soothe the handsome wrinkles under his eyes. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. How long I’ve waited for you, my king.” Barnabas thinks that Sleipnir deep down must have known it would come to this and must have known his feelings for him early on. The corners of his mouth turn up, the fingers of his free hand trailing to meet the hand on his cheek to bring it to his lips. “Forgive me for my late realization.” He mutters through the kisses on Sleipnir’s fingers. “For my ignorance nearly led me astray from you, my star.”

It feels like they are both in that position forever before Barnabas senses a shift on the bed, and next thing he knows his cock is being touched. He looks in between him and Sleipnir to see you on your knees beside the two of them, one cock in each hand and slowly stroking them in sync. He can only chuckle, seeing you serve your King and Lord Commander during a sentimental moment. Such a naughty little thing. 

“It seems someone wants attention.” He hears Sleipnir snicker. All you do is smile innocently, and Barnabas leans down to press a sweet kiss against your lips. “You’ve been so patient, my dear.” He goes to leave a kiss on your temple. “You’ve cooled down quite a bit.” He goes to kiss under your ear. “Would you like us to warm you back up?” 

“Yes, my darling. I beg you. I beg the both of you.”

Barnabas acts fast, crawling to rest against the headboard before grabbing you swiftly. He gets a yelp and a fit of giggles from you before settling you in between his legs, your back against his chest with his cock snug against your lower back. He keeps his head on your shoulder as he watches Sleipnir approach you on his hands and knees, crawling to you like a lion about to go in on the hare. He sets his thighs under your knees and starts to rub your thighs up and down. “My Queen, is this truly what you want? You shall only receive what you wish.” 

Barnabas watches you nod determinedly. “I want you, Sleipnir Harbard. I want all of you.”

Barnabas observes Sleipnir slowly push inside your cunt, a soft gasp leaving your lips at the intrusion. He watches as you open up, the preparation serving well for his new lover’s cock. While Barnabas’s cock is well-sized, girthy and uncut, Sleipnir’s cock is undoubtedly longer with protruding veins, so he knows it’ll rub against areas that will have you feeling enlightened.

Barnabas wraps his arms around your waist as Sleipnir goes at a leisurely pace, his hands gripping the crease of your hips. Barnabas takes this time to drink you in, kissing your neck gently to start and letting his hands knead your tummy. You keen as he continues his trail, starting to nip at your skin as Sleipnir grows notably faster in his pace as your lower back starts to grind into Barnabas’s cock. He trails his hands up your tummy to your breasts, deciding to knead them roughly, causing you to whimper at the treatment. He senses Sleipnir pick up the pace again, rocking his cock in and out in a smooth rhythm. This only makes Barnabas up the antics, biting down on your neck hard enough to leave indents of his teeth all the while taking your pebbled nipples between his fingers and pulling on them. 

“MMMM Barnabas!” You choked out, and Barnabas chuckled against your neck, letting go of the skin of your neck to lick it soothingly. “My little masochist.” He tugs at your nipples harder, making you squirm in his hold. “It’s no wonder you chose an old sadist like me.” He continues playing with your sensitive nipples as he watches Sleipnir continue to take you, soft grunts leaving his lips every so often. 

“How does our sweet angel feel, my pet?” Barnabas asks, curious as to what is playing through his lord commander's head. 

“She feels absolutely delicious, my liege.” 

“Delicious?” Barnabas smirks. “If she feels as such, why aren’t you showing her?”

Sleipnir simper’s, leaning forward slightly. “I’m simply enjoying the view, my liege.” He leans down, placing a gentle kiss against Barnabas’s lips, juxtaposing the roughness of his cock entering your cunt, causing a cry to leave your lips. “I’ve been left speechless.”

“You may not be as loud now, but don’t worry.” Barnabas lets go of your nipples, wrapping one arm back around your torso while his free hand wraps around Sleipnir’s throat, a soft gasp leaving his lips. “Next time, it’ll be you who begs for release at the mercy of myself and our queen.” He growls. “Now, give her what she wants.”

Sleipnir groans deeply. “As you wish, your majesty.” 

Barnabas lets go of his neck and the first thing Sleipnir does is go down to you, kissing you deeply as his cock continues ravaging you. The particular thrust of Sleipnir’s hips affects both you and Barnabas; a shriek of pleasure at a certain spot Sleipnir hits inside you and a loud moan from the gravity of his thrust pushing you further into Barnabas’s cock. Barnabas can feel himself in need, needing to worship his lovers as they take on one another, for it exhilarates him knowing the both of you love each other in the same way he loves you both. 

He maneuvers his arms in a way that allows each of his hands to weave his fingers into yours and Sleipnir’s hair. He pushes both faces together, watching as you and Sleipnir swallow each other’s sounds. The sound of panting kisses and the wet smacking of Sleipnir’s hips is driving Barnabas insane, and so he pulls them apart so he can bring Sleipnir down to his own lips. They both groan hotly, heavy breathing intaking them as their tongues battle for the others' mercy. Barnabas feels you tilt your head back, feeling your eyes on him and Sleipnir as he claims the latter. He releases Sleipnir, their lips stringing saliva, and goes down to meet your lips to give the same treatment. You whimper against his lips as he claims them, and he feels your hand rest against his jaw, scratching against his facial hair lightly. He notices Sleipnir move his head in his grip, and he decides to push his head down to the crux of your neck. Barnabas captures your gasps, glancing down to see Sleipnir nipping love bites into your skin, small pink marks forming.

Barnabas pulls away, and stares at your blissed out expression. You have never looked more beautiful than you do now, and all he thinks is you deserve everything, especially for bringing all three of you together like this. He clutches his fingers in your hair a little harder, making sure your focus is on him. “Tell me how your lord commander is making you feel? I want to hear you say it.” He bids, but you only twist and turn, making Sleipnir push against your hips to hold you down against Barnabas. Your hands latch around Sleipnir’s back, your head falling on his shoulder. Next thing Barnabas witnesses is Sleipnir lifting his head, a shuddering smile on his face; the same one Barnabas equips when he is the one worshiping you. One of his hands leaves your hips and travels to your neck, wrapping his fingers around it and pushing lightly so your neck would stop turning away. “That wasn’t a request, my queen.” Sleipnir hums. “It’s an order from your king. Tell him, tell us, how I’m pleasuring you.”

“You feel incredible!” You sobbed. “You both do I- It’s too much.”

“But not enough.” Barnabas hums into your ear. “Next time, you’ll get to have both of us and our spends. At the same time.” You start to shake, and he can see how his words are reeling your excitement. “But for now, clench your walls on him. Let him really feel you.” 

He knows you are doing as you’re told because Sleipnir starts to grunt obscenities, his hand going back to your hip. Barnabas takes the opportunity to let go of both heads, throwing one arm back around your torso and letting his free hand run past the two bodies of his lovers, landing right on your clit as he starts to rub small, tight circles. A sob leaves your lips, a telltale sign that you were right there. 

“My king, I can’t hold on much longer. Please let me be relieved!” You cried, your hands coming to clutch on his arm holding you to him. 

He kisses behind the shell of your ear, nipping and licking slightly at the cartilage to tease you further before he gives in to your desire for release. “Let go for us, my dear.”

He watches as your climax takes over you, seemingly possessing you mind, body, and soul as your back arches against him. He sees Sleipnir is at his wits end, his hips pistoning back and forth brutally as he rides out your release. Barnabas smirks, as seeing Sleipnir Harbard, his lord commander, his newfound lover, utterly tranced by you makes him feel euphoric. 

“My dear, why don’t you help our star out, hm?”

You nod, and your hands let go of Barnabas’s arms to wrap back around Sleipnir again, pulling him in closer with the back of your heels. His breath hitches as he goes forward, his hands catching himself as they plant on the mattress on either side of Barnabas’s thighs. Barnabas moves his arms so you and Sleipnir’s chests touch, wanting the two of you as close to each other as possible. He lets his hands go down to Sleipnir’s hands, stroking them as you work on Sleipnir’s release.

Barnabas can vaguely hear what you are saying, your voice low in Sleipnir’s ear as you coax him. All Barnabas can think of is how you and himself can bring such a snarky, matter of fact being into such a submissive state. The way he is gasping and muttering a variety of affirmations, like he is begging for you to give him what he needs, brings a whole new side to him. Barnabas feels like he has fallen in love all over again. 

Barnabas leans over your shoulder, Sleipnir’s other ear available, and whispers his command. “Release inside her. Fill her with your love as I do.”

That is all Sleipnir needed, a chain reaction setting off as Sleipnir moans hoarsely as he releases his spend into you, causing you to whine as another orgasm hits you from the constant stimulation of his cock. His arms give out, Barnabas catching him by wrapping his arms around him alongside your own. “You two did so well.” Barnabas praises, his hands going to rub your side and Sleipnir’s back. There is only heavy breathing in response, bearings working to be met as everyone calms down their hearts. 

Sleipnir is the first to move, placing kisses on both you and Barnabas’s lips before slowly pulling out of your cunt, a groan leaving your lips in the process. Sleipnir flops graciously on the bed, sighing with utter thrill as his eyes rest for a moment. Barnabas goes to move you to the side when you turn in his hold, going to your knees in front of him. He is perplexed for a moment, only to see you staring at his hard cock.

“My darling, you didn’t get to have a release. Let us please you.”

This perks Sleipnir up, rolling over to his front to crawl over. “Yes, my liege. We want you to feel as good as we do.”

Barnabas laughs and shakes his head. “In due time. I can assure you both that I am completely satisfied. Let’s rest for a moment, only then will I let the two of you have your way with me.” 

You and Sleipnir look at each other, smiles plastering in agreement. You move off the bed, ushering Sleipnir to go back to his side of the bed. “Okay, but at least be in the middle so we can both love you.” 

Something shifts in Barnabas’s chest, a sense of belonging settling in deeply. He inclines, moving to the middle of the bed and under the covers where Sleipnir is already settled in. Sleipnir latches to him, his left arm wrapping around Barnabas’s torso. Barnabas feels another weight on the bed, his right shoulder now being used as a pillow as you snuggle up close to him. There is a buzzing throughout the room; hums, sighs, and gentle kisses summoning a calm atmosphere. Barnabas has never felt so complete; to be adored and loved like this by the two people he considers home is elating. 

He can hear Sleipnir lightly snoring, a dreamlike state having taken over him. Barnabas turns his head to you and goes to kiss your forehead. You purr, stretching into him as your eyes open to meet his. He reaches his free hand to your face, brushing your cheek with his knuckles as he admires your glow. He is so in love with you, especially in this moment.

“Thank you.”

Your eyes glint, confusion striking them. “For what, my king?”

“For bringing the three of us together, for if you hadn’t, I’m afraid a part of my heart would have never unlocked.”

You move up slightly, and kiss his lips, both of your hands on his cheeks. Your lips linger against his own as your next words flow. “Thank you for opening up your heart for us. He has loved you for a long time, just as I have.”

Barnabas sighs against your mouth and moves to lay his head into the crook of your neck. “I truly love you both. I adore and admire you both. I hope you know this.” Your chest vibrates, your hand still holding onto his face. “I know because I love you. I love him. I love us three.” 

“It is us three beyond our vessels.”

Ultimania Spoiler Note: Sleipnir was created in the Year 826 when Barnabas was 18 using Odin's magick, meaning up to Year 878, they have been together for 52 years. This story takes place in 873 only because I felt like in 878 a lot is happening.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

okay so i made a post (here) kind of about this a while ago, but here’s a full analysis on ian and mickey’s relationship and their struggles with abandonment and commitment issues:

as the seasons went on, one of the things made most clear about mickey milkovich, was his love language, acts of service. the way that mickey views love is that loving somebody is doing grand gestures to keep them with you. throughout the entire show, this is made clear, for example: robbing a man’s house for ian then kissing him (overcoming a huge fear of his), getting terry off of ian so that he would get more hurt than ian would, kissing ian in public, coming out for ian and getting the living shit beat out of him, (almost) murdering ian’s half-sister for calling the military police on him, snitching on a huge cartel and getting himself thrown back in prison for ian, attempting to escape prison again for ian, and eventually, faking marrying ian’s sister so that he could marry ian.

however, ian isn’t the same as mickey in that way. does ian love mickey? fuck yeah. but is ian as willing to do as much crazy shit in the name of love as mickey is? not really. it’s not that ian doesn’t love mickey or doesn’t risk a ton for mickey, because he does, he just loves mickey in a different way.

so, since mickey views love as doing grand gestures that could possibly risk everything in your life, he has a hard time understanding that people can love people in different ways that don’t involve a lot of danger. so when ian doesn’t go to mexico and doesn’t sign the marriage license, mickey feels as if ian doesn’t love him. his thought process is kind of just like i’ve done so much for ian, i’ve done everything to keep us together, but he still can’t commit, and that hurts mickey! it’s so obvious that he feels that way in 10x08 when ian says, “i wanna know how you feel!” and mickey just looks beyond pissed and hurt. and in the next episode, ian tries to explain himself, but mickey says, “no, you’re just saying that you don’t love me enough now”. to an extent, he understands that he and ian have different minds that work in very different ways, but he can’t grasp the thought of ian not signing those papers, because to him that’s a grand gesture, and a grand gesture = loving somebody.

but the reason that ian doesn’t sign the papers isn’t because he doesn’t love mickey, it’s because he’s afraid to commit. debbie tells him that he’s scared of commitment, and ian tells mickey himself that the reason he’s scared is because of his parents. and truly, it makes sense. from what we’ve seen of frank and monica, it’s been stated that they’ve been married many times; and ever since season 4 the show has made a point of showing ian’s fear of becoming his mother. and historically throughout shameless ian hasn’t had the best romantic history. he’s been with so many men that he tells a nurse that he doesn’t even know how many, we’ve seen him with men old enough to be his father- possibly even grandfather, and every single of age boyfriend (including mickey, sorry) has treated him like actual dog shit at one point. it makes sense that he’s afraid. he grew up seeing his parents fight with each other and leave each other (and their children) and then seeing his sister get into toxic relationships with men who, in ian’s words, weren’t very nice to her. his view on love is warped, and yes, he does love mickey, but loving mickey scares ian, and believe me, it scares mickey, too.

the real explanation to most of ian and mickey’s conflicts throughout the show is that ian has commitment issues and mickey has abandonment issues. they both grew up gay in abusive households on the south side, and loved each other regardless, but it was hard for them, and always will be hard.

[real-life-senshi]

10 (Mostly) Spoiler-Free Reasons to Watch Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon 2003 Live Action

A countdown to the 20th anniversary of Act 1 air date!

Reason 5: The captivating story!

Ultimately, I would say the live-action stayed true to the essence and intention of the original source material when concerning the Dark Kingdom arc.

I’m choosing to use the word “essence” though, because it is also factual that in multiple aspects, the story does diverge from its source material, but with the intention of further amping up the stakes and angst for drama, and possibly even pulling in elements from story arcs beyond the manga’s Dark Kingdom arc into the one season we (sadly) only have.

Sometimes those differences could be due to limitations of CGI and execution methods in real-life filming, while others could be due to updating the content to appeal to the newer generations of viewers in the early 2000s.

Regardless of what's faithful or not faithful to original source material, I think PGSM did really well striking a balance of making it a kid’s show, and also adding some complexities to appeal to viewers who were kids or teenagers that grew up reading the manga or watching the '90s anime, who would be in their late teens or adulthood or even parenthood by the time the live-action aired.

Warning: Going forward these series of posts will contain minor spoilers to introduce some live-action only elements. It will only be at the introductory level though!

Staying true and delving deeper into source materials

Personally, I can’t speak much to the ’90s anime, but I can confirm the live-action pulls many elements from the manga source material where possible. Here are just a few:

Introducing the Sailor Senshi!

The story of how Usagi and Ami discovered their Senshi power largely follows the same story, while Rei and Makoto's intro episodes heavily reference the original manga chapter and use the same theme behind the attacks that lead to them accessing their transformation. There's no magic bus to whisk victims away in Rei's case, and there's no wedding dress ghost story in Makoto's, probably due to the feasibility of recreating those scenes.

The Forbidden Love & the Past Life lore

The live-action definitely deep-dived into the 'forbidden love' concept when it came to Usagi and Mamoru, and further created a whole complexity of the storyline to justify WHY it's forbidden. In the manga/anime, it felt like the idea of their forbidden love was purely political and mostly glossed over since the past life kingdoms were dead, but in the live-action, there were actual stakes and consequences to consider even for the present.

And the ABSOLUTE MOST AMAZING THING and by far my favourite twist to the live-action storyline is they actually ventured into exploring the impact of making teenagers soldiers of war! There is actually ample screen time and dialogues AND monologues dedicated for us to see individual Senshi AND the team together grappling with the pros and cons and exploring both extreme sides of the need to follow the past life mission to avert tragedy regardless of the sacrifices made, versus the necessity of making one's choice and finding ways to live in the present in spite of the past life lore! Do they support Usagi's and Mamoru's love for each other or not???? Do they know for sure whether their love WILL cause misfortune again or not or can they trust Usagi to know what she's doing????? FASCINATING AND ANGSTY STUFF RIGHT THERE!

Rei’s Personality

More as an FYI, but Rei’s personality is much more similar to the manga Rei’s personality, instead of ‘90s anime Rei. More cool beauty and calm, less aggressively hotheaded and abrasive. And very importantly, NOT boy-crazy.

New, original dramatic elements

On the other hand, here are some live-action exclusive dramatic elements that I'd like to highlight:

Aino Minako the idol

Even many who haven't watched the series would have heard about how Minako's character is drastically changed in the live-action. Indeed, Minako is an acclaimed teenage idol and singer with best-selling songs in the show!

It's basically as if the live-action screenwriter pulled in the Outer Senshi elements from the Mugen arc into Minako's character: she's famous, experienced, and serious. Minako has full access to past life knowledge and is ultimately mission-driven like Haruka and Michiru are in the Mugen arc, which causes some of her decisions to maybe not be as morally white as we'd expect her to be (I think her costume style of white and black is a nice nod to the idea of her double life and her sense of moral).

Now, that's not to say live-action Minako is completely a new character, you can certainly see manga/anime Minako's character traits here and there if you pay attention - pun-loving, prank-loving, mischievous. For god's sake, the girl named her album Venus, and one of her most iconic songs is called C'est La Vie, which sounds exactly like "Sailor V" pronounced in Japanese. Just imagine this girl playing a vigilante life, and having a chuckle every time she sings her best-selling song that basically announces her identity to the world and no one realizes. lmao

Basically, Minako's character embodies the extreme result of what happens if a teenager is burdened with all the knowledge of the Past Life war and has the weight on her shoulders while working alone.

If you can get past Minako's changed character setting in the live-action, you'll find there are still plenty of Dark Kingdom arc manga/anime Minako elements in there, just some more exaggerated while others are more subtle. (Coz to be fair, Minako didn't start becoming Usagi's twin until after the Dark Kingdom arc.) And her relationship with Artemis is absolutely heartwarming to see in the live-action.

Who's in the wrong? Who's an ally, and who's not?

While our Senshi team is clearly the heroine, and the Dark Kingdom the villains, the live-action takes a more interesting take on what's considered "good" versus "evil", and more importantly, who's in the wrong on how things ended badly in the past life. Who is actually the person the Senshi needs to protect the world from? And that drives the story into a direction that is more complex than what you'll ever find in manga or anime, and certain characters react accordingly and act more grey than black or white - from both the heroine side and the villain side!

Shitennou & Endymion

Something we didn't really get to see as much in the manga and anime, while we know who the Shitennou are, we don't really see the Shitennou and Mamoru interacting until after they... became their name-sake rocks (okay, technically, GEMS). And we don't get many hints on what their past live relationships were, so for many years fans have taken to pen/paper/tablets/keyboard and filled the gaps with their amazing imagination and creative work instead.

In the live-action, we get a much more expansive and interesting take in seeing the Shitennou - technically still under the Dark Kingdom's influence, interact with Mamoru as they all grapple with what happened in the past life.

How would the prince's ex-guardians act seeing their master again? How would Mamoru react? Choosing to accept his responsibility for his past life or not? After all, they had such fond memories of arm-wrestling each other! (Spoiler alert: Nephrite won.) :P

I must once again emphasize that I love what they did with the Shitennou's characters and gave each of them a different story trajectory. They are written so well they pull at your heartstrings!

If you want some canon-material for writing the Shitennou in the age of Elysion Kingdom, definitely give the live-action a go!

Power up! The Senshi Needs Training

Because the live-action only gets one arc, there's no room for us to see the Senshi team (conveniently) get upgraded transformation like they do in each arc in manga or anime. Instead, the live-action takes a different, and I dare say, a more realistic approach, where the Senshi learns that their initial access to their transformation isn't the full access to their powers as they expected. They are put through some legit, and some questionable training of the body, mind and spirit, and each of them has to overcome something within themselves across the series to access their power!

This approach highlights and solidifies each Senshi's strengths AND ties in really well into the girls' character development throughout the series. As well, it makes it feel like the Senshi did have to put in work to get strong and gain access to their power, instead of relying on the plot to get them new powers at the right opportune time, seemingly out of the blue.

Remember: THEY ARE IN SCHOOL!

Yep, sometimes in the manga and in the anime, it's so easy for us to forget that the Senshi are kids in school when they are in the thick of a crisis or fighting evil. Somehow, it always seems quite clean and convenient that the Senshi could separate their school life and their heroine life, doesn't it? How the responsible adults in the world may wonder... "Gosh, where did that kid go in the middle of [insert context]????" Or for a fellow peer in school to wonder - "How the hell did this random group of girls come together like an odd band?"

The live-action takes time to make room for some reality checks in their episodic storylines to explore all the different repercussions our heroine's double (or triple) life has on their normal life, and with that ties in personable and relevant topics and themes into their episodic plots:

Family relationship

Peer relationship

Romantic relationships

Moments that remind everyone how awkward and tough it is to be a teenager.

The toll of lying through your teeth to keep a secret, etc

I cannot emphasize enough that the screenwriting is superb in the series! Not one thing is referenced only once and left out the window, everything that happened builds up into a moment of learning or lasting impact for our characters!

To people who've not watched the live-action, PLEASE GIVE IT A CHANCE! At least give it 6 episodes, and you'll probably be hooked!

You can watch the subbed versions of the series at:

Miss Dream Fansubs

Sea of Serenity Fansubs

The series is also on other online streaming sites, but be cautious to only visit them with good adware and firewall installed.

6 days till the 20th anniversary of Act 1 air date!

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |

[beemochi-art]

Chromia and Ironhide!

A, C, G, S and X plz ᡣ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ᡣ

A) First meeting

When Ironhide’s and Chromia first met they were both very young. Mostly it was Ironhide who followed her around and tried to keep up with her. At this time they were both a similar size but Ironhide was still bigger. She could scale stuff pretty quickly and Ironhide just had to wait till she came back down.

C) first physical contact

Since they grew up together they’re always pretty touchy. Chromia was with him anyways, he noticed all of it. The only time Chromia noticed physical contact is when he clears her face plate once, that’s when she realized she liked him more then just a friend.

G)First time seeing the other sick/injured

Ironhide used to take jobs as a bodyguard/security. That mostly entailed stand by someone or something for a long time. He’d mostly just daydream till he got to go home. Most people wouldn’t approach or had authority to get through so it was a pretty easy job. One day he wasn’t paying attention while on duty and someone got into the archives and stole some things. For his punishment a superior burned his face with a rod. He wasn’t that hurt but when he got home he didn’t know he could be treated like that, was embarrassing and degrading. He got kind of depressed after that because he put a lot of trust in his supervisors. Chromia noticed the change and tried to get him to talk about it but he never ended up telling her what happened. Regardless she was still at his side and made him feel batter best she could.

Chromia doesn’t get hurt very often, she’d get bullied a lot but was still pretty slippery. But when she did get injured very badly from an attack Ironhide was devastated, he wouldn’t leave her side.

S)First anniversary + how they celebrate

Ironhide and Chromia sparkmerged when they were young. But didn’t ever get to have an official conjunx ceremony. Regardless they still will celebrate the occasion by sharing each others spark again and they take turns planning something special to do. Sometimes tho they would have to miss a day cause either one would get busy. But they’ll usually make it up to each other the next day.

X)First major hardship they got through together

It came out of no where. They both planned to movie to Junkton where they could have a better life but the decepticons attacked Iacon with the goal to destroy everything their oppressors represent and hold dear, this included citizens. Chromia was still recovering from her injuries done by the group that attacked her. Ironhide had to fight. Chromia had to push herself to get up. Chromia ended up being too slow and got caught by a couple of cons. Ironhide went back for her, fought and killed those cons. He didn’t know he was capable of that, Chromia didn’t either.

[markantonys]

Apologies if you've answered this question before, but if things had gone down differently and Mat hadn't had to have been written out of 1x7 and 1x8, what do you think his s2 arc might have looked like?

an intriguing question!! i believe rafe stated that the original plan was to have the 3 boys on the hunt for the horn as in TGH, but the changes they were forced to make to mat's storyline made them decide to double down on the isolation theme and send rand and perrin off on their own too. and while it was unplanned, i think it actually turned out so perfectly because s1 introduced us to the kids in a group and then in pairs, and splitting them up fully for the bulk of s2 was such a great way to dig deeper into each individual character. in the book perrin and especially mat just kinda get dragged along like sacks of potatoes while the lion's share of the hunt storyline is about rand, so i'm kinda hard-pressed to imagine how those two would've had enough content specific to them in s2 if all 3 of them had been together! (i don't know how far they actually were into planning s2 when all the shit went down during s1 filming, so it could be that rafe's mention of the 3 boys on the hunt was only a vague idea at the time and they never had the chance to nail down too many specifics of what s2 would look like for mat and the other boys.)

now, back to mat. in s1 he had more "reluctant hero" vibes (doesn't want to be a hero, just wants to go home) while in s2 he had more "self-doubting hero" vibes (doesn't think he can be a hero, thinks he's doomed to repeatedly let down the people he loves). and there's definitely some self-doubting hero vibes in s1 mat too and some reluctant hero vibes in s2 mat, and overall Mat Doesn't Think He's A Hero is a consistent throughline of both seasons, but there is a slight shift in WHY mat doesn't think he's a hero, or at least a slight shift in focus on which of a couple reasons is the main one. and this is almost 100% due to The Great Waygate Abandonment, i think. mat for sure had low self-esteem in s1 too, but the s2 arc of "mat is scared that he's a piece of shit who'll keep on abandoning his friends when they need him", that organically grew out of The Great Waygate Abandonment and i don't know if it would've been as much of a focus for his s2 emotional arc if he'd gone with everybody to fal dara as originally planned. as such, while i think him being a hero of the horn would have been the plan regardless, i don't know if that moment would have been framed exactly the same way or would have felt like such a cathartic moment of validation for mat. (but maybe it would have, because like i said s1 mat certainly struggled with his self-worth too. the idea of him being scared of being just like his dad came from 1x01, after all, even if s2 was able to enhance it even more thanks to having a concrete instance where mat failed to show up for his friends.)

and to think that we never would have known the beauty of The Great Cauthor Reunion if The Great Waygate Abandonment hadn't happened! although, in TGH rand gets separated from the group and then mat and perrin (et al) find him again in cairhien, so it IS possible that an original plan for s2 could have still featured rand going off on his own for some portion followed by a cairhien reunion. but it wouldn't have hit nearly as hard if they'd only been separated for a brief time as it did when they hadn't seen each other since the waygate!

The Great Cauthor Stabbening is another interesting thing to ponder. would that still have happened if mat had gone to fal dara? i think so. i suspect that rand getting the shadar logoth wound from mat rather than fain may have always been the plan, because it's just so hard to get fain into rand's storyline and makes a lot more sense to keep him limited to being an antagonist to perrin and mat (like, sure fain could've stabbed rand at falme, but it would just feel kinda random bc the two of them have very little narrative connection to each other even in the books and none whatsoever in the show). i also think it makes sense to switch the wound order so the dagger one comes first because the dagger is never as much of a focus again as it is in the first couple books/seasons, so makes sense to strike while the iron's hot and have rand get the dagger wound early while the dagger is still relevant, and save the shadow wound for later.

and s1 set up mat and fain's relationship and many people have speculated that fain's fal dara scene with perrin was originally supposed to be with mat, so i think the scene of him meeting up with mat in falme and trying to tempt him with the dagger would probably still have happened regardless, and i think mat accidentally stabbing rand with the dagger would probably still have happened too. however, i don't know about the min viewing angle. it's definitely possible that Mat On The Hunt could have still encountered min and the rand stabbing viewing could have still happened, but it's also possible that that viewing and the mat-min meeting grew out of the s1 changes and that in a different version mat would've stabbed rand by accident but not had any prior idea that that was fated to happen, and maybe min would have been involved in the girls' storyline instead like she was in TGH. but then, a preexisting mat-min connection improves the story beat of them both ending up with the seanchan together, so maybe they did plan to have them meet up in s2 regardless (meet up AGAIN in this case since mat would've briefly met her already at fal dara in this version). who knows! it's so interesting to think about all the alternate possibilities, and so delightful to realize that for me personally, none of the alternate mat s2 ideas i've come up with in this post are things i enjoy as much as the version we actually got. saying that they made the best of a difficult unplanned situation is an understatement!

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/757627283223822336/httpswwwtumblrcomdearweirdme7575476804404510

This anon’s post about how people’s relationship evolve for better or for worse makes alot of sense to mefor Vmin, jikook and Taekook. This is a take I don’t particularly think you or many other taekookers would agree with but it’s always been simple for me to read and maybe that’s because I tend to apply real life situations when I think of the members and their dynamics.

I don’t think Vmin was a narrative pushed by the company to sell Jimin as someone mentioned in the replies because anyone who has looked into Vmin’s history would know that those two were/are really close. Even back in the day, the members would always choose them as the closest not even taekook whom most fans thought were the closest when they were rookies. I think Jimin and Tae have that kind of a friendship where they don’t talk to each other all the time and don’t see each other all the time but when ever they need each other they can be sure that the other will be there. I think they fought alot too and had a good amount of misunderstandings especially when they were younger but all those fights just made their bond stronger. Are they always each other’s go to now? Not necessarily and I think things changed a little bit after Tae met and got closer to wooga than some of the members because it seems like years ago, Tae didn’t really hang out with the members out of work and I remember during seasons greeting 2022 when the members were asked what they would do for each other for the new year and Tae said he would try to spend more time with the members. I think before that he choose to hang out more with wooga whenever he got a break than hanging out with the other members. Jimin and Tae don’t seem that close these days but I think that is just growth. As time passes in our lives, we get closer to some people and more distant from others in certain ways but in Vmin’s case, I feel like they have reached that kind of friendship level where their bond is forever regardless of how much they talk or see each other.

As for taekook, I honestly think there was a time when they actually grew a little distant and just like with Jimin and Tae, I think it happened when Tae got closer to wooga and also during those times when it seemed like Tae was going through depression or something (not trying to diagnose). I know that during those moments we sometimes still saw taekook looking physically close but I feel like that was because they didn’t have any issues with each other and were still very good friends but just not as close as they used to be. I’ve been catching up on old content since I am kinda new to the fandom (2021) and I can see that within the period 2017-2021 it seemed like Jk was always around Jimin instead of Tae and I am not talking just about when we saw them on bighit content. I remember when Hobi was doing a solo shoot for one of his projects back in 2018/2019 and all the members came to visit and Jikook were together. Even when RM also had a solo shoot for Mono (i think) and the members went to visit him, Jikook were together still while tae came and left alone both times. Then there was all the shared rides together even after all the members left the dorm in 2019 and I don’t believe for second that bighit made Jimin and Jungkook ride together. Don’t know how true this information is but I saw some people on twitter say that the reason Jimin and Jungkook still shared a car after they all moved out of the dorm in 2019, until mid 2021 was because Jk also had an apartment in the Nine one, the same building where RM and Jimin currently live and in 2021 all the residents who lived there on rent were required to either purchase the property or move out, so RM and Jimin bought their apartments but Jk moved out because he had plans to build his own house. So Jk and Jimin shared a car then because they lived in Nine one and then the car rides stopped when Jk moved out around mid 2021 (which was when we found out that Jimin had purchased an apartment there) and went into that apartment which the company rented for him and that’s why he has the furniture from the old dorm because he didn’t intend to be there for too long. So i feel like during these periods, Tae and Jk were not as close as we saw them in chapter two but since they had talked and promised to work on their friendship, I think they both made a concious decision to do that and that’s why we all saw a clear shift in their friendship after they had that talk in 2020 and things just got better and better.

This wasn’t always clear to me but after I caught up on a lot of old content, I feel like alot of things started to make a little more sense because sometimes we don’t realize how little time it takes for relationships in life to change and I feel like I could understand it better because I experienced it in my own life. I had a bestfriend I used to talk to on the phone every day for about 5 years but I went through a very traumatic experience in my life last year which made me shut everyone out. My bestfriend and I didn’t talk for about a month and ever since then, things have never been the same. It was so shocking to me how just a month before that, she was someone I couldn’t go one day without talking to but these days we go weeks even months without talking to each other and all this changes happened in a just a month. My friend and I never fought or argued with each other but we have gotten so distant. When we do see each other, we are still very affectionate with each other and will sit close to each other and interact because it still feels familiar but that emotional bond just isn’t there as it used to be anymore. That is what I think happened to taekook but the good thing is that, they both were willing to work on bridging that gap that was forming in their relationship.

As for Jikook, I don’t think they were as close in the solo era as they used to be. I think they were on very different wavelengths and probably needed other people more than they needed each other at that time but it seems like around the end of the year, they were back to normal. Taekook seem closer than they have ever been before. I think things like these are pretty normal in human relationships. Relationships evolve and change for good or for bad over time and no time is too short for things to change drastically. I can attest to this because I saw my 5 year long relationship with my bestfriend change drastically in just a month. I know you probably wouldn’t agree with me but this is how I read vminkook’s friendship.

Hi anon!

I am so sorry to hear about you going through something traumatic. I hope you are well now, or that you are on your way to being well in the future. None of my words will be meant to invalidate your experience, so please take this as another point of view solely.

I too use real life experience to make sense of what I see, I think many of us do and I think it would be nice if that’s something you will consider when reading my blog. Applying real life experiences is really helpful, but at the same time.. it can also make us project. So you have to take a bit of distance I think and take not only your own life experiences, but those of the people around you as well. A bigger sample will make it easier to test your own experiences against those of others and decide whether your experience is an outlier or something that’s common.

I don’t want to invalidate your own experience, but at the same time.. my life experiences and what I know of how people interact in general tell me with fair certainty that Tae and Jk were never distant. I too recognize certain behaviors, and my feelings about those are probably just as strong as yours.

Had Tae and Jk actually had a problem similar to you and your friend, it would have been cruel to air that talk publicly (and sure, i do think BH capable of cruelty). I think it unlikely that Tae and Jk went on all these years, wanting to be close.. feeling physically close and not working out the ‘awkwardness’ between them one way or another. Even if Tae spent so much time with Wooga.. he still would have had so much time with Jk. From what I know of life, this doesn’t make sense.

On top of all that there’s just so much that to me points to them having been fine.

Edit:

I just realized my initial reply was only about Taekook. I think it actually shows how weird the ITS talk was if you compare how you feel Tae and Jm also were less close. Because why did they not need to work things out publicly? They are the soulmates even. Why was them drifting apart leas of a big deal?