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thatfrailsoul · 24 days ago

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– The look in your eyes, got me hypnotized

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

There are people that just have something about them... Something that makes you unable to resist the urge to follow them, to get closer... Just to feel their energy around you. Just to receive their attention, feel their gaze on you. There is just something so magnetic about those that inevitably call you. A bait that leads you again and again into the trap of someone so intoxicatingly loving, so painful in the way they grasp your heart. There are many moments in our life when we are captured, hypnotized, by someone. A dangerous love, a painful friendship, a delusional connection, a misleading admiration... But how can we ever be able to resist them, protecting our soul from the ones that try to steal it, make it theirs to play with and enjoy?

This is our first pick a pile reading from the Divination Jukebox - I'm so happy that so many of you liked this idea! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )づ♡

Apart from being obviously inspired by the story that this song narrates - "Hypnotized" by Funk Tribu and Part Time Killer - this reading was also guided by my cards, that showed me the point of view from which we should listen to this song, the way it wants us to feel, what it wants us to understand right now, what that part of our subconscious that resonates with it wants us to realize...

P.s. If you would like to see a reading inspired by your suggested song, you can learn more about how to participate here ↓

♪♡♪ Divination Jukebox ♪♡♪

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. And listen to your subconscious instead, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides.

( You can scroll right down to your pile, but if you have a moment to spare - there is something that I would love to hear your opinion about.♡ )

In my each reading, I dive as deeper as I can into the topic or situation that we are looking at. I call for the most needed information for you, the guidance that is the most important for you to receive now... But as useful and right, I sometimes feel a sour taste after a reading. Simply because I understand too well that so often there is much much more that we personally might want to know, more details that we want to hear, more things that we want to be aware of... For this reason, and also to give myself a little more help financially, I was considering on doing extended versions of our pick a pile readings. An addition to each pile of a reading that we do, through which we will be able to have even more details about the situation. So we have not only the message that we need, but also the answers to the questions that we are most curious about.

{ Thank you for letting me know!♡ }

– Pile one,

the seven of cups, the death, the five of cups

To be seen, to be noticed amidst all the other ones... To be hold onto so tightly... To be chosen so fiercely and passionately again and again... There is nothing wrong about it. There is nothing wrong or entitled in just wanting to feel so needed and desired. So important and necessary for someone just for once... But when the part of us that desires it so much, finds it so romantic and loving, is the one that has so many wounds, that bleeds still because of all the times it was left behind or put aside... It is no longer just a desire. With each moment and connection that it passes without it, it transforms it into a weapon against us. And worst of all, a weapon that we don't realize to be the ones to hold.

Because for our honest, most genuine and softest heart, to be chosen is to be loved, to be enough, to be that all that someone needs or might want. It doesn't consider being a part of a plan, a part of a temporary satisfaction. It doesn't imagine that others might choose us, but only for a moment that will soon pass. We don't think so superficially, we don't focus only on the now, even if it is all that we hoped for... Our mind and heart rushes, moves forward in time, in our dreams and expectations for a fairytale like story that we think just began. We imagine and start to wait for more moments to create with them, and even difficulties that would be so easy to overcome now that there is someone by our side. We still feel that fear, still overthink and expect the worse. But we also fight every doubt and negative thought with the reminders of their gentleness and comprehension. We soothe ourselves with their loving ways, with the conviction that nothing can really tear us apart. Not when they were the ones to choose us, to come closer to us. Not when they were the ones to take care of us and promise us so much.

So when times change, when the first challenge arrives... we are armed with that sureness that everything will be alright that we created in our heart. Even if it is not just external interference. Even if it comes from them, from their suddenly confusing and so different ways. We still endure it and wait for the best, thanks to that enthusiasm and sureness that just being noticed and chosen created in ourselves. And it becomes only stronger when things do work out. When that person, after making a "mistake", taking some time or hurting us for the first time, comes indeed back and speaks so wholeheartedly about how they understood what they've done and how they will never allow it to happen again... It just makes our conviction stronger, our heart and mind even more infatuated with this perfect story of redemption in the name of love. In our name...

And then it happens again. And again, and again, and again. But we endure it, we are patient, we are understanding, we are hopeful of the fact that everything will be alright. And we fail to see the pattern. The way it happens so similarly every time. The mistake. The hurt. The regret. The forgiveness. And back from the start. Every single time, one after another, a well done play that for so long we consider being something normal... Just because we were convinced of it through the sweet and loving words.

We allow it to happen, without even knowing that we are the ones to allow it. Without understanding that this is indeed not normal. That this, in the first place, is not even what we were looking for when desiring to be chosen. And it just becomes a neverending cycle. With the same person or with the others. In the same exact way, or worse, in newer and ever changing ones. We never have a break. We never feel truly safe and chosen over other people or things. But we just become someone who is so convenient for when things get boring. So easy to maintain with just a few tender words and gentle ways.

And when it is described this way... It seems so obvious how it is wrong and dangerous, and how easy it is to recognise it and to avoid... But it is more tricky than it looks. It is much more difficult to recognise the danger, something that is wrong, when not only it is all that you've known for so long... But also the only one that you ever received from another soul.

Because recognising it is not the only step. There is also the one of refusing it, of walking away and not taking that "bait". But is it really so easy to ignore it, when you know that it might be the only food that you will find in miles and miles that you will need to survive? Facing loneliness, the coldness around you as there is no one to warm even a little your heart... It is not easy at all to face it. And it is even more difficult to choose it, condemning yourself to that silence and void, that absence of smiles, of laughter, of the joy of having someone sometimes by your side. It is not really the decision to hurt yourself. But the one of hurting you less, by giving yourself at least something, even if it is not the exact thing you desired.

Or at least so you thought... What in the theory of a broken and tired heart makes sense, reveals later to be something much more draining and hurtful than you can bear in the reality of your days. The days that perhaps are really not that bad, even if you are the only one to witness them... They are not so cold, even if you have only the warmth of your own heart. They are for sure different from what you desire, or even from what others might expect from you. But not for this reason they are useless or not worth it. To be lived for your own self, candied only by your love... They can be sweet enough to be still enjoyed. Rather than ignored just because it does not come from someone else's heart.

It is not easy at all to resist it, to stop looking for or accepting something that is so damn similar to what you truly want and hope for... But it is easier to start, one step at a time, to learn how to give more love and respect to your own self, to your own ways, your appearance, your character, all that is a part of your beautiful soul... Because it will create that needed and better armour for you, that filter through which you will see the ways of others, giving them credit and appreciating them, but also never feeling dependent, never feeling like it is the only thing you have. So even when it will happen once again, as you will grow and learn to understand the intentions of others more... It will not hurt so much, it will not happen for so dangerously long. Because although still remaining your sweetest, hopeful and open self, you will also become whole. You will be enough, even on your own. Your life as it is will be enough. And every time your soul will connect with someone, they won't be the reason for your days to be lived, they won't cause your life to crash down if they are no longer by your side... But they will just be someone that, if you want to, you can share it with. A little moment, or a whole life.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

– Pile two,

the hierophant, the death, the three of cups

This world is so incredibly vast... This life can be so different just because of one little decision, a step in one direction rather than in the other one... And it is beautiful, it is indeed. But it is also so overwhelming. This freedom but also the risk of making a mistake, of not knowing in fact what is the best for you right now. It is difficult and so so scary to make your steps out there without even knowing what you are looking for, what you would like to achieve in this life, what or how to create... And what you will do if it will not work out. How will you handle a failure all on your own, the one responsible for all your actions and the consequences, the only one to be able to help you or give you support...

So it is normal to look more for that safe space, for that creation of a solid and strong base, perhaps not in other areas of your life that are already so difficult to manage... But at least in your connections, in the people that are by your side and that indeed can make any challenge feel so different, so easier to take care of when you are not alone in this mess desperately trying to save your life. It is normal to do it, to look for them, and once you found them - to look up to them. It is normal to seek support and guidance from those that have such an important place in your heart once they entered your life. It is normal to listen to others, to their opinions and experiences in hopes of finding answers to your own questions about this life. And it is normal to be charmed by their confidence, their strength, their plans and how easily they realize them one step at a time. It is normal and it is logical. To look for someone that can help you grow and become better at managing your life. Someone that, if something happens, always will have your back, always will know how to catch you before you fall to the ground...

But while they do inspire you in your journey... their path is all that they really know. And you are the one that, still so hopeful about your own desires and capabilities, is able to translate their conviction for their goals in motivation for your ones. But what happens when you fall more and more, what happens when you start to feel so tired and hurt with each failure that tears your goals apart, while they seem to become just better and better, safer in their life..? You stop to transform it and translate it for yourself, their story and their ways. And you start to absorb it. Without any filter, desperately. Because you are so consumed that only doubts remain in your heart. Doubts about your own capabilities and chances to succeed, doubts about your awareness and ability to make the right choices, to fight for the right things... Doubts that are just void in your heart, your mind, your ideas or motivation. A void that is so easily filled with the dreams of others, when they are so important, so close, so powerful and successful. An example of perfection that you respect and aspire to become. So you make them yours. Their opinions and convictions. And they help you at every step, because it is simply something that they love and that worked for them, so they are sure it will do the same for you... But does it ever truly..? Or is it just a well hidden play pretend, your tired feet that you try to fit in other's shoes, in hopes that they will be more comfortable, more safer, in the end?

But even so, it is not something that you allow to happen just because of your weakness or such a low self-esteem either... It is rather an influence that you almost desperately accept, in hopes that it will work better than what you tried on your own. It is not really lack of desire of working on something by yourself, but it is rather a genuine uncertainty and confusion on what you want to work on in the first place. It is just the most innocent naivety, being so new and fragile from this perspective for this world. It is just the desire and need to be guided a little, to have that help in figuring out what is the best or what you want, what might work... And it is not a malicious game of manipulation from others either. There is no desire in washing out your brain and fill it with their dreams or goals. It is just a genuine desire to help, but with so little knowledge of the other ways and journeys out there in this world. It is only someone that knows so well and trusts that one specific something, being able to show and help only with and through that. And it is just you that don't really know where or how to make your steps, what path to take, and in front of the immense risk and responsibility of choosing on your own, prefer to trust someone that you love and respect so much. Someone that you know will never do something to hurt you or to ruin your life.

But it still happens though... In a certain sense. Not intentionally. But they still ruin your journey that you do have, contrary to what all these obstacles, failures, and constant changes made you think. It's just not a linear one, not a specific one like so many others have. Your journey is just about something different from simply choosing and achieving. It is more than just one path or one thing to do, try or enjoy... You made so much experience so far, but at the same time so little. From your perspective it is all about failures, not being able to manage things, not knowing where to go... And it is so little about the joy of freedom, the possibility to start again and again, the chance to try and experiment with so many ideas and ways that this world wanted so much to show you, but that presented it so confusingly and poorly, so differently from the way and a language that you could comprehend...

But it is nothing irreparable, fortunately and as always. No matter if you want it or not, there will be many more endings and beginnings, many more changes that you will face in your life... You just need to not be afraid of them, to resist that urge to hold onto the hand of others so dearly, hiding behind their reassuring back instead of moving forward, through and past the obstacles on your path. You just need to have more faith, in your own self and your way of being, your intuition and instincts. More than you trust the ones of the others when it comes to your own life. You just need to be there for yourself, when it becomes a little too scary, different and new. You just need to trust and follow your own gaze, the things that caught your attention. Instead of looking for and trying to decipher the glimpses from others around you, before making any step.

It is okay, it is still right and fine even if it is so different from the journeys of others. And just because they are successful after walking on their chosen path, it doesn't mean that you can't become it too, on a different one, or many different ones. To be successful it is not always or only to achieve your initial goals or to stick to the plan. It is also to be able to learn from what happened, to grow, to enjoy it or even just and simply experience something. And you do it so well already, you manage things much better than you recognise.

Hold onto your own self, onto your curiosity and even the mood swings that gift you the desire to do something else, to look for something more. And let go slightly of their hand. They will not disappear, the ones that you love and look up to. They will always be here. But now you will have the chance to live your life like you want and feel right, not how they would do it, or how they did.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

– Pile three,

the page of cups, the hanged man, the page of pentacles

What can be worse than believing so much in someone, in loving them, in giving them every chance, making them the object of your strongest hope... just for them to be someone that will walk away, uninterested to all that you've done for your connection, not being satisfied with all that you would be ready to do just for your bond..? Only doing it more than once. Again and again. Trusting, welcoming, one soul after another into your world... watching them destroy it after using it for a moment of comfort or unconditional love and support...

But it doesn't really matter for you, for your heart. Does it? All that you endure when you try to connect deeper with someone is simply nothing, compared to that world hidden in their soul that you can witness, that bond that can heal any wound, banish all the fears and nightmares of the old ones... if only they reciprocate your affection and love. It is nothing compared to the chance that the person in front of you is indeed the one. It is nothing compared to the pure pain that would overwhelm you if you miss them. If you miss them because you will be one of those that you swear you won't become. A cold, judgemental, selfish soul...

Because you know thank to your own self how people can be different from the mask that they carry when they are outside. You know how many stories and reasons can be hidden behind that coldness, that meanness, that defensivness that sometimes pours out of someone who is just not used to be treated so softly, so kindly, as you do thanks to your so gentle heart... You know it well, because for so long you felt the same way. In need to protect yourself, to hide your tenderness so you won't be used or hurt every single time... And you remember how, while doing everything to push others away, all you wanted was to be seen and understood, accepted and appreciated just the way you were... So you do it with others too now. Now that you found that strength and courage to just love the way you feel is right. You nourish every person, you take care of every one that crosses your path. You believe in them, you trust them. And you hope that one day, thanks to you, they will finally open up. And love you back.

But although so noble and incredibly sweet... it is a promise that is not so easy to keep. Not when those that you try to take care of are so different from how you were when you needed it. Their armour is stronger. Their pain is more loud. And sometimes... they already chose a different path, a more lonely one. And nothing will change it, no matter how hard you will try, how strongly you will believe that somewhere in them there is more sweetness and gentleness hidden, that there can be more between you than just this coldness and distance between your hearts.

You are incredibly loving, you are just so sweet. And it truly admirable the way you still hold hope, the way you find courage within yourself and are ready to put your own heart at risk just to help others. Just to gift them that love that you know they need... But it is also so destructive, for your own soul. To put yourself again and again on the line in the battles of others, just because they are by your side, close enough to be noticed by your protective and selfless eyes...

For how long can you endure it? For how long you can give so much of you, because of this strong conviction that there is more to people, to connections, to their stories... Because of your desire to know them, understand them and save them, like no one ever did for you when you needed it the most? It wouldn't be right to just tell you to not do it. To lose your faith in people and in the connections. To force yourself to believe that no one ever will appreciate the way you love or give you that same love back... Because it is just the way you are. So rare and beautiful in how much love you hold in your heart... But it would be right and even needed for you to learn to not force it... when you feel so much resistance, when you just receive silence, in return of your desire to help or show others a different way to see this world. Because there are those that are more sure and more honest. The ones that want to take care of their wounds on their own, and that would never accept to use someone, because they know too well how much it would hurt. The ones that just push you away, or move forward and past you, following their own journey and making it clear that they want to go through it alone... But there are also those that are more confused, more tired, or even worse just bored... Those that make you stay, seeing how much you want to give to someone your love. Those that accept it. But also never repay you. Those that take more and more from you, that are so willing to help every time that they ask you...even when they don't really need it. But just want it. So it is less lonely and cold.

You have a golden heart, a pure and honest one. And for this reason it should be protected, at least a little more. Be yourself, be kind, be gentle. But also pay more attention to the ones that call your name and seek your help so often, always right after being the one to push you away... Because sometimes there are people that just can't resist your love that is always so available, so comforting and convenient for their lonely nights, for the nightmares and difficult times that they could and should overcome on their own, but are just not ready. Or don't want.

♡ { free guidance | a little thank you } ♡

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