#rectal thermometer

[sheltiechicago]

[catnipster69]

Sick as a Dog

Dean tried to stifle his cough.

“Are you getting sick?” Sam seemed surprised.

“No way,” he croaked, followed by two small coughs that couldn’t be denied. “It’s nothing. Just the dust.” He brushed at his sleeves to make the point.

Sam pursed his lips. “Hmm. You are covered.”

“Fucking abandoned houses… Why don’t ghosts ever live in new construction? Don’t answer that.”

Sam joined in brushing Dean off, but after he got a little too enthusiastic, Dean yelled, “OK! I think we got it!” and he slapped Sam’s hands away. Cough, cough.

“I don’t think it’s the dust, dude.” Sam frowned.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still going.”

Sam shrugged. There was no stopping Dean when he wanted something.

Later, as Dean lay shivering, blowing his nose and adding to the pile of tissues that missed the waste bin, Sam asked, “Was it worth it?”

Dean had to finish a coughing fit before he could answer. “So worth it. Angus Young? Man’s still got it, you know? Oh, and can you pick me up some NyQuil? Please?”

Sam felt Dean’s head with his hand. “You feel really hot. Maybe I’ll pick up a thermometer too.”

“Kinky,” Dean smirked.

Sam shook his head. “Sick as a dog and making rectal thermometer jokes.” Sam drove to the all-night pharmacy and motherfucker, now he couldn’t stop thinking about taking Dean’s temperature…

[scarefox]

My siblings in hell that rating .... 🙈 but also while it definitely does not deserve that low rating it's the most fitting number 😏

[medig]

A Tale of Woe, Ep. 47:

(all episodes)

"I'm sorry, Beth, it's a rectal thermometer. It goes in the other end.

"But.. but..."

"Yeah, that's right, Beth - it goes in your butt! Did you think I got it all lubed up to put it in your mouth?"

"Oh Jen, please, you're the only nurse that's nice to me here, I thought we were friends.. please don't do this to me!"

"Doctor's Orders, Beth! Don't make me call old Bill for help.."

[desertcrater]

i think the tritter conflict could have been cut short or avoided altogether if house and tritter had just fucked it out

[ringneckedpheasant]

s3 of house is dragging soooo much like not only do I have to see a cop every episode but he’s not even interesting

[nemospecific]

Broheims

The fairy food is a trap

The walrus food is gonna be raw clams, snails and worms

[candlewitches]

i would like one week without an important piece of equipment failing OTL

In the last month:

one of the vets dogs chewed through the wire for the xray pedal TWICE (once could be fixed with tape, second time we had to get a new pedal)

all of our pulse oxs are on their last leg and sometimes just decide to stop working in the middle of surgeries

one of the urinalysis machines doesn't work half the time and constantly has to be recalibrated, so we just do manual UAs

yesterday one of our blood work machines broke and had to be replaced today (and ofc we had a bunch of blood draws this morning before it was fixed)

also we've had an increasing number of packs not being fully sterilized by the autoclave which is. maybe a user issue but also maybe our autoclave is starting to go

[cuneiformkey]

I have a paranormal romance guilty pleasure, and the shape shifters are always WOLVES or LIONS or A FUCKING DRAGON and I just wanna say kudos to Celia Kyle for making her hero an adorable hedgehog 🦔

Truly inspired.

[medig]

"Just hold still Miss, this won't hurt a bit"

[kisnin]

I don't and I actually have a silly story about this.

When I was in the mental ward I didn't have glasses cause they broke at home (no jagged edges on the crank-pit ofc). So I was wandering around blind relying on sound and feel (through my feet, grippy docks go hard), and because of this I wasn't talking much. The nurses even asked my mum "Is [Kisnin] usually this quiet?" And she told them that no, I just can't see them to read their expressions.

They had NO IDEA I was relying on my other senses the entire time. Most of them were astounded I wasn't slamming into the walls all the time.

No baldness/nuance! No see results!! If this doesnt apply to you, it is ok! Results will come soon.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

The Jackass Guys Taking Care of You while you’re Sick HCs!

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader, Steve-O X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Ryan Dunn X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of illness, pet names (ie. darlin’), alcohol

An: While writing this, I was actually bed bound for two days to to a nasty respiratory illness, so I think you could guess where my inspiration came from XD Ironically enough, in between writing this and coming out I got sick again. Boy, what an immune system I have! I get sick frequently and one thing I can always count on making me feel better is writing about the guys :)

You had no appetite, you could barely leave your bed, and you had a temperature of 101.9. Yep, with how sick you were, there was no way you’d be able to go to work.

So you called your boyfriend to help take care of you

Johnny

“Oh, darlin’…”

You were in sore shape, and like the amazing boyfriend he was, Johnny went to helping you feel better right away!

Really, he missed his calling as a doctor or nurse with how sweet and considerate he is to you

Helping you out of bed if you’re weak on your feet and to the shower, assuring you how much better you’ll feel after you get a lil’ steam in your system <3

And after you get out, he’d sit behind you and gently comb/brush our hair for you, no matter how many times you mumbled to him that yes, you were sick, but you could take care of your basic needs yourself

But you secretly enjoyed being babied by him

If you couldn’t stomach much, he’d bring you some warm tea and fruit with a kiss on the forehead before he went to set up the humidifier

When Robitussin and NyQuill weren’t making a dent in your fever, Johnny got a little creative,

“If it doesn’t make you better, you’ll forget you were sick in the first place!” He explained, handing you the mug of hot water, lemon, and a splash of bourbon

A hot toddy, he told you it was called, something his mama used to give him when he was sick at home

And that thing worked.

Your eyes were falling close as you murmured, half asleep already,

“Thank you, Dr. Knoxville…”

Bam

“You look like shit.”

Lack of bedside manner aside, he is probably the last person you want taking care of you while you’re sick.

“Well thanks, Bam- I feel like shit.”

Feeling a little bad for you he asked if you needed anything

So you asked for something to eat- maybe soup and warm tea?

But all you received was an uncrustqble (which you bought because bam doesn’t like the crusts on his sandwiches) and a bottle of water lobbed onto your bed from the doorway.

“D’you think you could grab me some tissues too?”

With a groan, Bam disappeared into the bathroom before you heard all this thudding and an exasperated, “Fuck!”

Before he emerged with a roll of toilet paper.

Sure, maybe he wasn’t Florence Nightingale, but he did what you asked and you honestly didn’t even expect this much from him

He mumbled, disticnt affectionate tone in his voice as a smile crept onto his face as he walked by your bedside to ruffle your hair a little,

“You’re a real pain in the ass, Y/N.”

Chris

“Time for your sponge bath!”

Chris is a firm believer in the fact that laughter is the best medicine

So that’s why he walked into your room wearing one of those sexy nurse outfits.

And while you appreciated the sentiment, you didn’t really need the sponge bath

You also didn’t need the rectal thermometer he proudly offered to you,

“Time to take your temperature! Roll over!” He chuckled that sweet stoner laugh of his, “Kidding, kidding- it’s one’a the normal ones.”

Or when Chris pretended to “accidentally” drop said thermometer next to your bed and bend over to pick it up with his ass in full veiw.

Soon, you began to recognize the click clack of cherry red high heels as the sounds of Nurse Pontius,

And you’d come to anticipate his spectacular bedside manner ;)

In fact, this whole ordeal just left you more endeared to him

Yes, even when he asked to warm your boobies up because in his words, they looked really cold.

“You know, your probably the best nurse I’ve ever had.”

Steve-O

“What’s goin’ on?”

He stumbled into your room, having kind of forgotten why you called him,

Steve isn’t so much of a caregiver as he is a heating pad

But damn it if he isn’t a good heating pad

He’d just walk into the room and lay down next to you, all warm and cozy- a heaven for your shivering, sick body

Despite how nice it felt to cling to him, he isn’t much help besides that given the fact he fell asleep five minutes ago (not that you noticed)

“Hey, do you think you could grab me some-“ Yep. Out cold

So you had to tear yourself from the comfort of your bed to make yourself soup

And when you return, all shivering as you slip back under the covers,

Of course that’s when he wakes up.

You had already started eating when Steve took the bowl from where it was resting on your lap to steal a few bites himself

When you pointed out that he just used the same spoon you did (and would probably get sick too), he just shrugged,

“So what? I don’t care.”

Ryan

“Are you dead yet?”

While there was an unmistakeable tone of sarcasm in Ryan’s voice, he really was concerned

Out of all the guys, he would be the one to get worried sick (no pun intended) about his ill girlfriend :(

But he played it off well, saying that he didn’t have anything to do that weekend despite canceling plans with Bam to look over you

So he might as well sit by your bedside to make sure you’re okay!

Or that he just conveniently rented all of your favorite movies because he wanted to watch them, but you’re free to join him if you wanna watch

And, despite your warnings that you’ll get him sick, he’d have no problem with laying down next to you if you can’t sleep

Because that’s what the two of you usually do! No reason to break routine because of a stupid cold.

“C’mon! With you shiverin’ like that, how could I not? It’s like seein’ a kitten out in the rain…”

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Posted tonight for your reading pleasure, we are

Starring: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, and Ryomen Sukuna

Just a few fluffy little drabbles exploring what it's like taking care of our favorite JJK men when they're sick <3 Fair warning, this was made entirely for self indulgent purposes.

TW:Very slight yandere themes in Sukunas section and talk of vomit in Getos section. Reader discretion is advised.

Satoru Gojo

Satoru Gojo was the strongest sorcerer to have ever lived. He could handle special grade curses with a flick of his wrist, had mastered the limitless technique, and had stood toe to toe with Ryomen Sukuna and lived. To say he was a formidable foe was an understatement.

Which is why it was always at least a little funny when a cold knocked him flat on his ass. The man that struck fear into the elders of Jujutsu Sorcery for the threat to tradition he posed simply could not handle the common cold. But, you had to admit; he looked kinda cute curled up in his blankets- as if hiding from the sick demons. You placed the Okayu you had made him onto the nightstand as you pulled the blankets away from him. 

“Hey cutie, come on. You need to eat,” you spoke softly to him, gently rubbing his shoulders, “And I need to check your temperature again.” Satoru let out a particularly dejected groan as he reluctantly sat up. 

“Please Y/n, just let me die in peace.” He rasped out, rubbing his heavy, stinging eyes. 

“Nope, not an option.” You said, taking the thermometer from his nightstand. You took it out of the case and slipped it under his tongue. He grimaced. 

“These aren’t accurate, you know.” He grumbled.

“Less so when you keep talking, so shush.” You reminded him, lightly pushing his shoulder.

“All I’m saying is there's no point,” he argued.

“Do you want me to find the rectal one instead?” you asked. He was suddenly very quiet. What felt like an hour, but was really only 3 minutes later, the thermometer started beeping. You sighed as you saw the number.

“I’m so cold.” Gojo muttered as you took the stick out of his mouth. 

“Wrong,” You corrected, “You have a 102 degree fever.” You sighed. You handed him the Okayu, and despite the fact that eating was the last thing he wanted to do, he still smiled at you.

“Thank you.” He muttered, resting his head on your shoulder. Your hands almost instinctively found his hair. He hummed softly at the familiar and comforting feeling of you playing with the strands. 

“For what?” You asked.

“Taking care of me.” He muttered softly, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you..”

“Oh please,” You chuckled softly, shaking his head, “You’ve done the same for me. I don’t mind taking care of you one bit, Satoru.” You couldn't tell if his red cheeks were from the fever or from blushing. Either way he smiled at you. 

“I love you Y/n,” He whispered, going in to kiss you. You quickly put up a hand to stop him.

“Whoa there! I love you too, but no kissing.” You chuckled, “Not until you’re feeling better.” Gojo groaned and threw his head back in mock frustration.

“Being sick blows.”

Suguru Geto

You woke up to the unmistakable sound of someone vomiting. You sat up to see the light on in your en suite bathroom and your boyfriend nowhere in sight.

Oh no, Suguru, You thought to yourself as you quickly rushed to his side. You made it to him just in time to hold his hair back as another wave hit him. You gently rubbed his back as he closed the lid, flushed the toilet, and rested his head on the cool porcelain. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered softly.

“Why are you sorry, Love?” You asked, though you knew the answer already.

“I woke you up.” He said, standing up and going to immediately brush his teeth. You wanted to argue with him, remind him that it wasn’t good for his teeth to brush them immediately after vomiting. But you knew it was ultimately pointless. He couldn’t stand the taste. It reminded him too much of his technique. Too much of his curse. 

“Think it was something you ate?” You asked as he finished up. He laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Considering that I eat curses regularly, I doubt it. I like to think my stomach is a little stronger than that.” He grumbled, leaning against the bathroom counter. 

“Oh no, you think it’s the flu?” If it was, it was inevitable you’d get it too.

“I’m sorry Darling.” That meant yes. You sighed and shook your head as you went to his side. You wrapped your arms around him and shook your head.

“No need to be sorry now. Come on, let's get you back to bed.” You sighed, leading him back to your shared bedroom. He did feel warmer than he normally did. Once you got him laid down again, you made sure a trashcan was within grabbing distance and went for the thermometer. His temperature only confirmed what you both already knew.

“Yep, 103.” You sighed, “You’re sick.” He merely groaned in response.

“I can’t stand being sick.” He grumbled. Suguru hated being sick more than the average individual. He had to deal with the taste of vomit almost every day, and he managed to hate it just a little bit more every fucking time he had to choke it down. Not to mention just how physically exhausting the whole ordeal was.

“I know you do Love.” You said, laying in bed next to him. You grabbed your phone and put one of the many playlists he had made for you. One of the more calming ones, hoping to put him at least a little bit at ease. It seemed to work, his body releasing at least some of the tension it had stored. You leaned over and kissed his cheek, only for him to jerk away.

“Y/n, no,” He argued, “You’re going to catch whatever I got if you keep that up.”

“Suguru Geto, please.” You scoffed, “We share a bed, if you’re sick it’s only a matter of time before I catch it anyway.” You shook your head. 

“I know, I just…I hate that.” He finally admitted, “I don’t want to get you sick, being sick is terrible.”

“Trust me, I know.” You chuckled softly, laying next to him. You noticed despite his warm temperature he was shaking. You pulled a blanket over him. “But that’s just a part of living together. We love together, we get sick together.” You shrugged. “That’s just the nature of relationships and love.”

“I don’t think that’s quite right,” He laughed gently, shaking his head, “But, I don’t really have the energy to argue.” He admitted.

“Good, that means I win.” You smiled with a quick nod. “Now, I’ll be right back.” You said, sitting back up, “I’m going to go get you a cool rag and some water.”

“Thank you darling...” He muttered, sleep already feeling heavy in his eyes.

Kento Nanami

“Kento Nanami, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” You snapped as you walked into the kitchen, crossing your arms over your chest in frustration.

“The dishes?” Nanami asked from behind his face mask, turning around to raise an eyebrow at you. 

“Kento, you’re sick.” You reminded him, “Walking pneumonia is still pneumonia.” 

“Y/n, I feel fine, rea-” He couldn’t even get through his sentence without a coughing fit.

“And yet you sound like you’ve been smoking 6 packs a day for 27 years.” You scoffed, going over and taking the sponge from him, “To the couch with you, now!” Nanami sighed and rolled his eyes in defeat, drying his hands off.

“Look, just because I’m sick doesn’t mean I can’t help out around the house-”

“That's exactly what it means, Kento.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Look, I love how willing you are to help, but I assure you I can handle the housework for a few days while you get better Dearest.” 

“I just feel bad-”

“For no reason. It’s not like you asked to get sick.” You reminded him. He sighed, but relented. Even he had to admit he was feeling pretty shit. And the doctor did tell him to get plenty of rest in the next few days. 

“You’re right, you’re right.” He grumbled as he returned to the couch in defeat. You smiled in satisfaction as you finished the dishes he started. A few minutes later you were joining him on the couch and-

“Kento, Please.” You groaned when you saw him on his laptop. 

“What? It’s not physical work.” He argued. He was researching details surrounding a possible first grade curse that had been running around to send to Gojo.

“You know, for someone who hates work you sure do it a lot.” You pointed out to him, placing a hand on your hip. He froze, hating that you were right.

“I just don’t know what else to do.” He finally admitted, putting his computer on the coffee table. “I’m restless Y/n!”

“Well…here.” You grinned, going over and booting up his long untouched xbox. You smiled when you saw Tekken 7 was already in. “It’s been awhile since we got to play together.” You said, handing him the controller. His eyes lit up as he took it, it only now dawning on him that he actually had time to play video games again. 

“I’m going to crush you.” He informed you of this as if it was an objective fact. As if he was telling you the sky was blue, or explaining how the stock market worked. It was just an objective truth.

“Yeah.” You nodded, knowing he was right. You still smiled as you played with him anyway, even as he continued to crush you with character after character. You only really got mad once.

“Hey, no fair! You one-shot me!” You argued, more in awe than truly angry.

“It’s perfectly fair, the wind up for that move with Miguel is long as hell, you had every opportunity to knock me out of it.” He shrugged. You giggled a bit. 

“I was curious to see what you were doing.” You confessed.

“I guess curiosity killed the cat.” He said dryly, but you could see the smile in his eyes. That was undoubtedly a joke on the fact you were playing Lucky Chloe, and you‘d be lying if you said it didn't make you laugh. Your laugh brought a chuckle out of him, and he placed a loving hand on your knee.

“Thank you Darling,” He smiled, “I feel better already, genuinely this time.”

Ryomen Sukuna

It was quiet in the temple. Far too quiet. Normally your captor lover was very attached to you, taking any chance he could to soak up your attention. But you hadn’t seen him once that day, and as the sun started to set, you found yourself looking for him- despite your better judgment. He wasn’t haunting any of his usual locations: His throne room, his bedroom, the garden, your bedroom. He had all but vanished, leading you to look in rooms you had never even been in. 

You opened a door that was only 3 down from your own. You wondered why you had never thought about what was behind it before. As the door swung open, you were meant with a completely pitch black room. 

“My lord?” You asked softly, poking your head through the entryway. You heard something stir, then the soft glow of his second set of eyes found yours. You stepped into the room and quickly closed the door behind you. “Sukuna? Are you in here?” You whispered, a question you almost instantly recognized as being redundant at best.

“No.” His familiar voice rang out, making you jump a little. His voice was rougher than usual, as if he hadn’t used it all day. As he closed his eyes, yours started to adjust to the dark. You were in another bedroom, and resting in the center of a giant bed laid Ryomen Sukuna, using one of his huge arms to cover his eyes. Something was deeply uncomfortable about the sight. Something that made your stomach churn into knots and your blood run cold. And then it hit you.

Sukuna was trying to make himself seem small. He was curled into himself, as if trying to hide from the outside world. You realized he had to have been dying, there was no other explanation. You didn’t know what was more shocking: that Sukuna was at death's door, or the fact that you were genuinely saddened by the thought. Stockholm syndrome really was no joke. Your body took some initiative and started to move of its own accord. 

“My lord, what's wrong?” you whispered softly as you neared the edge of the plush bed.

“Nothing wench, leave me.” he growled, but his voice lacked all of his normal vitriol. It was as if he simply didn’t have the energy to inject it into his words. You found yourself crawling onto the bed. You put a gentle hand on his chest, earning you a blood chilling side-eyed-glare from Sukuna. Your body tensed under the intense look, screaming at you to get the fuck out of there. But you ignored your basic survival instinct, as you always did. It got you this far at least. 

“You’re cold Ryo…” You muttered softly, laying down next to him. 

“I know. Be quiet, woman.” He growled. He stayed still for a moment, as if deciding if he should kill you for your disrespect or not. He must have decided against it, because when he reached out for you he pulled you closer to him as opposed to throwing you at the wall. He wrapped two of his four arms around you, holding you close the way a child would hold a teddy bear.

You wondered if he came in here often. You realized the likelihood of there being windows was minimal. It was light enough outside you would have seen some of the dusky light if there were any. You nestled into his side and listened to his labored breathing. Whatever was going on with him, he was in significant pain. 

“It’s like someone is drilling into my skull.” He groaned softly, more to himself than to you. A migraine. You realized he was dealing with a migraine. 

“Is there some way I can help?” You asked, trying to make your voice as soft as possible.

“Just...shut up and lay with me.” He muttered, rolling over to fully engulf you in his embrace. It wasn’t often Sukuna was gentle with you, and even more rare that he held you like this. You decided to just enjoy the quiet with him while it lasted. 

[tchaikovskym]

turns out measuring fish metabolic rate is way more complicated than it is for humans. i'm not going to unpack any of that:

Killen, S. S., Christensen, E. A., Cortese, D., Závorka, L., Norin, T., Cotgrove, L., ... & McKenzie, D. J. (2021). Guidelines for reporting methods to estimate metabolic rates by aquatic intermittent-flow respirometry. Journal of Experimental Biology, 224(18), jeb242522.

however, as far as I understood, the main thing is in comparing the fish tank with an empty tank (with the gases measurements)

For snakes they just put them in chambers to measure their gas exchange:

Snakes were placed individually in 4-liter flasks which were then sealed and put inside darkened cabinets

Stinner, H. N. (1982). Ventillation, gas exchange and blood gases in the snake, Pituophis melanoleucus. Respiration physiology, 47(3), 279-298.

That's pretty boring, because they can do the same for humans. I was expecting it to be the case, and am a little disappointed that they don't make little respiratory masks for snakes to monitor their respiratory gases. (I know it's illogical, but a girl can dream)

god i love comparative physiology:

The average maximum increase in metabolic rate stemming from digestion ranges from a modest 25% for humans to 136% for fishes, and to an impressive 687% for snakes.

Snakes rule

Source: Secor, S. M. (2009). Specific dynamic action: a review of the postprandial metabolic response. Journal of Comparative Physiology B, 179, 1-56.

[pillowprince-playroom]

I'm so sick, you have no idea. I want someone to turn my limp body over and shove huge thermometers in my little holes and when I whimper they'd tell me it's all for my own good.

I deserve to have to flu fucked out of me honestly