#rectal thermometer

[thecglcatalog]

An important tool in the caregiving arsenal is the inspection. 

Yes, Inspection … a thrill runs up many a baby’s spine upon hearing the word!  Whether you own one household slave or safeguard a boarding school’s worth, it’s both a responsibility – and a pleasure – to see that inspections stay regular and a little bit intimidating.

Map baby’s physical wellness and arousal, conduct regular hygiene assessments to ensure silly baby’s self-care, and incorporate useful posture training into slave’s daily routine.  These tools help you customize an inspection experience for your slave or slaves that matches your caregiving goals.

Isolation Loop Stick is a luxe wooden cane tipped with tough neoprene lace to slip around clitoris, penis, or nipples.  Tighten it down with a twist of the glass sphere on the handle, and the focused part rises out plump and attentive from surrounding flesh!  It comes with a matching Single Caning Rod with neoprene-wrapped grip in case you see anything you don’t approve of.  Specify cane color: Oak, Mahogany, Satin Black.  

Ease your eye strain – and make sure baby feels extremely singled-out – with our range of battery-operated lights.  Penlight and Magnifier Set has a narrow-focus LED beam and a 3x glass magnifying lens.  Both have plastic handles in your choice of Fire Truck, Princess Pink Sparkle, French Blue, or Rose Gold Sheen.  For a more luxurious feel, Metal Penlight and Magnifier Set is framed in weighty stainless steel with your choice of a natural, gold, or rose-gold finish.  

The Urethral Downlight is a way to make baby “help” with their inspection.  A slim urethral dilator that slowly flares to a hold-on bead, it has a 90-degree bend to meet a little LED dome light.  Slide it in, turn it on, and enjoy the extra light shining down on your pet’s vagina and anus – or manipulate the penis to illuminate an anal hygiene inspection.  And if slave really needs to feel “on display,” consider adding the rechargeable Free-Standing Spotlight to bathe the relevant parts in light!

Open up parts for more thorough examination with a Locking Speculum – it comes in your choice of clear plastics, from Colorless to Air Blue, Glassy Green, or Sunset Pink – or a steel Telescoping Spreader Bar.  But an upgrade to elegance is always possible for a baby who really deserves it.  Wooden Spreader Bars in Oak, Mahogany, or Satin Black coordinate to canes, inspection sticks, and classic nursery furniture.

Assess various elements of slave’s wellness with the Large Rectal Thermometer, Babyhole pH Tester, and Babyhole Pressure Gauge – all of which require a firm, uncomfortable insertion to take their measures, of course!

Note your observations in a handsome Inspection Folder – it’s a sleek cover with a pen loop, packed with 100 sheets of college-ruled A5 note pages, 20 pre-printed charting templates for tracking physical traits or behavior over time, and 20 pre-printed tables for tracking multiple measures on the same page.  Choose your cover: Cognac Leather, Matte Black Leather, White Patent Leather, Sailor Suit Tartan, Polo Pink Tartan, or Diaper Change Toile.

Image source

[sheltiechicago]

[scarefox]

My siblings in hell that rating .... 🙈 but also while it definitely does not deserve that low rating it's the most fitting number 😏

[medig]

A Tale of Woe, Ep. 47:

(all episodes)

"I'm sorry, Beth, it's a rectal thermometer. It goes in the other end.

"But.. but..."

"Yeah, that's right, Beth - it goes in your butt! Did you think I got it all lubed up to put it in your mouth?"

"Oh Jen, please, you're the only nurse that's nice to me here, I thought we were friends.. please don't do this to me!"

"Doctor's Orders, Beth! Don't make me call old Bill for help.."

[catnipster69]

Sick as a Dog

Dean tried to stifle his cough.

“Are you getting sick?” Sam seemed surprised.

“No way,” he croaked, followed by two small coughs that couldn’t be denied. “It’s nothing. Just the dust.” He brushed at his sleeves to make the point.

Sam pursed his lips. “Hmm. You are covered.”

“Fucking abandoned houses… Why don’t ghosts ever live in new construction? Don’t answer that.”

Sam joined in brushing Dean off, but after he got a little too enthusiastic, Dean yelled, “OK! I think we got it!” and he slapped Sam’s hands away. Cough, cough.

“I don’t think it’s the dust, dude.” Sam frowned.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still going.”

Sam shrugged. There was no stopping Dean when he wanted something.

Later, as Dean lay shivering, blowing his nose and adding to the pile of tissues that missed the waste bin, Sam asked, “Was it worth it?”

Dean had to finish a coughing fit before he could answer. “So worth it. Angus Young? Man’s still got it, you know? Oh, and can you pick me up some NyQuil? Please?”

Sam felt Dean’s head with his hand. “You feel really hot. Maybe I’ll pick up a thermometer too.”

“Kinky,” Dean smirked.

Sam shook his head. “Sick as a dog and making rectal thermometer jokes.” Sam drove to the all-night pharmacy and motherfucker, now he couldn’t stop thinking about taking Dean’s temperature…

[desertcrater]

i think the tritter conflict could have been cut short or avoided altogether if house and tritter had just fucked it out

[ringneckedpheasant]

s3 of house is dragging soooo much like not only do I have to see a cop every episode but he’s not even interesting

[nemospecific]

Broheims

The fairy food is a trap

The walrus food is gonna be raw clams, snails and worms

[candlewitches]

i would like one week without an important piece of equipment failing OTL

In the last month:

one of the vets dogs chewed through the wire for the xray pedal TWICE (once could be fixed with tape, second time we had to get a new pedal)

all of our pulse oxs are on their last leg and sometimes just decide to stop working in the middle of surgeries

one of the urinalysis machines doesn't work half the time and constantly has to be recalibrated, so we just do manual UAs

yesterday one of our blood work machines broke and had to be replaced today (and ofc we had a bunch of blood draws this morning before it was fixed)

also we've had an increasing number of packs not being fully sterilized by the autoclave which is. maybe a user issue but also maybe our autoclave is starting to go

[cuneiformkey]

I have a paranormal romance guilty pleasure, and the shape shifters are always WOLVES or LIONS or A FUCKING DRAGON and I just wanna say kudos to Celia Kyle for making her hero an adorable hedgehog 🦔

Truly inspired.

[kisnin]

I don't and I actually have a silly story about this.

When I was in the mental ward I didn't have glasses cause they broke at home (no jagged edges on the crank-pit ofc). So I was wandering around blind relying on sound and feel (through my feet, grippy docks go hard), and because of this I wasn't talking much. The nurses even asked my mum "Is [Kisnin] usually this quiet?" And she told them that no, I just can't see them to read their expressions.

They had NO IDEA I was relying on my other senses the entire time. Most of them were astounded I wasn't slamming into the walls all the time.

No baldness/nuance! No see results!! If this doesnt apply to you, it is ok! Results will come soon.

[coquelicoq]

an oral thermometer takes the temperature of your mouth. a rectal thermometer takes the temperature of your rectum. [confidently] a digital thermometer takes the temperature of your finger.

[pillowprince-playroom]

I'm so sick, you have no idea. I want someone to turn my limp body over and shove huge thermometers in my little holes and when I whimper they'd tell me it's all for my own good.

I deserve to have to flu fucked out of me honestly

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

The Jackass Guys Taking Care of You while you’re Sick HCs!

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader, Steve-O X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader, Ryan Dunn X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of illness, pet names (ie. darlin’), alcohol

An: While writing this, I was actually bed bound for two days to to a nasty respiratory illness, so I think you could guess where my inspiration came from XD Ironically enough, in between writing this and coming out I got sick again. Boy, what an immune system I have! I get sick frequently and one thing I can always count on making me feel better is writing about the guys :)

You had no appetite, you could barely leave your bed, and you had a temperature of 101.9. Yep, with how sick you were, there was no way you’d be able to go to work.

So you called your boyfriend to help take care of you

Johnny

“Oh, darlin’…”

You were in sore shape, and like the amazing boyfriend he was, Johnny went to helping you feel better right away!

Really, he missed his calling as a doctor or nurse with how sweet and considerate he is to you

Helping you out of bed if you’re weak on your feet and to the shower, assuring you how much better you’ll feel after you get a lil’ steam in your system <3

And after you get out, he’d sit behind you and gently comb/brush our hair for you, no matter how many times you mumbled to him that yes, you were sick, but you could take care of your basic needs yourself

But you secretly enjoyed being babied by him

If you couldn’t stomach much, he’d bring you some warm tea and fruit with a kiss on the forehead before he went to set up the humidifier

When Robitussin and NyQuill weren’t making a dent in your fever, Johnny got a little creative,

“If it doesn’t make you better, you’ll forget you were sick in the first place!” He explained, handing you the mug of hot water, lemon, and a splash of bourbon

A hot toddy, he told you it was called, something his mama used to give him when he was sick at home

And that thing worked.

Your eyes were falling close as you murmured, half asleep already,

“Thank you, Dr. Knoxville…”

Bam

“You look like shit.”

Lack of bedside manner aside, he is probably the last person you want taking care of you while you’re sick.

“Well thanks, Bam- I feel like shit.”

Feeling a little bad for you he asked if you needed anything

So you asked for something to eat- maybe soup and warm tea?

But all you received was an uncrustqble (which you bought because bam doesn’t like the crusts on his sandwiches) and a bottle of water lobbed onto your bed from the doorway.

“D’you think you could grab me some tissues too?”

With a groan, Bam disappeared into the bathroom before you heard all this thudding and an exasperated, “Fuck!”

Before he emerged with a roll of toilet paper.

Sure, maybe he wasn’t Florence Nightingale, but he did what you asked and you honestly didn’t even expect this much from him

He mumbled, disticnt affectionate tone in his voice as a smile crept onto his face as he walked by your bedside to ruffle your hair a little,

“You’re a real pain in the ass, Y/N.”

Chris

“Time for your sponge bath!”

Chris is a firm believer in the fact that laughter is the best medicine

So that’s why he walked into your room wearing one of those sexy nurse outfits.

And while you appreciated the sentiment, you didn’t really need the sponge bath

You also didn’t need the rectal thermometer he proudly offered to you,

“Time to take your temperature! Roll over!” He chuckled that sweet stoner laugh of his, “Kidding, kidding- it’s one’a the normal ones.”

Or when Chris pretended to “accidentally” drop said thermometer next to your bed and bend over to pick it up with his ass in full veiw.

Soon, you began to recognize the click clack of cherry red high heels as the sounds of Nurse Pontius,

And you’d come to anticipate his spectacular bedside manner ;)

In fact, this whole ordeal just left you more endeared to him

Yes, even when he asked to warm your boobies up because in his words, they looked really cold.

“You know, your probably the best nurse I’ve ever had.”

Steve-O

“What’s goin’ on?”

He stumbled into your room, having kind of forgotten why you called him,

Steve isn’t so much of a caregiver as he is a heating pad

But damn it if he isn’t a good heating pad

He’d just walk into the room and lay down next to you, all warm and cozy- a heaven for your shivering, sick body

Despite how nice it felt to cling to him, he isn’t much help besides that given the fact he fell asleep five minutes ago (not that you noticed)

“Hey, do you think you could grab me some-“ Yep. Out cold

So you had to tear yourself from the comfort of your bed to make yourself soup

And when you return, all shivering as you slip back under the covers,

Of course that’s when he wakes up.

You had already started eating when Steve took the bowl from where it was resting on your lap to steal a few bites himself

When you pointed out that he just used the same spoon you did (and would probably get sick too), he just shrugged,

“So what? I don’t care.”

Ryan

“Are you dead yet?”

While there was an unmistakeable tone of sarcasm in Ryan’s voice, he really was concerned

Out of all the guys, he would be the one to get worried sick (no pun intended) about his ill girlfriend :(

But he played it off well, saying that he didn’t have anything to do that weekend despite canceling plans with Bam to look over you

So he might as well sit by your bedside to make sure you’re okay!

Or that he just conveniently rented all of your favorite movies because he wanted to watch them, but you’re free to join him if you wanna watch

And, despite your warnings that you’ll get him sick, he’d have no problem with laying down next to you if you can’t sleep

Because that’s what the two of you usually do! No reason to break routine because of a stupid cold.

“C’mon! With you shiverin’ like that, how could I not? It’s like seein’ a kitten out in the rain…”

[slowtides]

we went to the vet and I was paranoid but she got her shots for the year, and she was a very good baby, albeit labeled forever more as a “runner”

my cat has really warm ears all of a sudden, and they’re usually pretty cool. I’m keeping an eye on it and checking in the morning to see if she needs to go to the vet. My baby 🥺