#recommended for you: something horrible and triggering

[cyberphuck]

Search: videos on DIY glitter jars

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[1moreoffkeyanthem]

How did Kyle and Stan get together in the OJV universe.

I didn't find it on Ao3. Or am I just blind?

It’s not in the ao3 lineup, though their first kiss is the focus of day 4 of my Style Week fic if you want that, bc I made the conscious decision to start the OJV in their sophomore year of high school even though they started dating as freshmen, but I’ve gotten into the beginning of their relationship a few times under the OrangeJuiceVerse tag on here! I’ll summarize in this ask tho bc it’s probably a lot to sort through.

So the summer before and through about October of the m5’s first year of high school, that’s when Kyle’s ed developed and wound up getting really fucking bad. Stan finding out when Ky passed out from low blood pressure and sugar at basketball practice and telling Sharon who told Sheila was the beginning of his first recovery arc, getting into an outpatient program and set up with a therapist and dietitian, having to do online school for a while so he could focus on healing, all that. And Stan, unable to stand being away from his best friend (who he “secretly” had a crush on) for very long, was over at Kyle’s house every single day, bringing him flowers, being there for meal support, doing his research on what Kyle was going through, making sure he felt supported in a way that wasn’t his mother’s overbearingness.

A big factor to how Kyle got so unwell with his eating disorder is because he’s also a type 1 diabetic, and got super reckless about not taking his insulin because he wasn’t eating, never checking his levels and just flying from the seat of his pants ignoring his already chronically ill body. Here’s why this is relevant.

So the decision is made by Kyle’s doctors and parents that he’s getting a Dexcom, about a month into recovery, so he can better deal with things and it isn’t as easy for him to skip his medication. The day he’s set to go get it, Stan’s over ofc, and Stanley Down Bad Marsh just blurts it out that he’s so happy he’s doing better and that he loves him. Not just as a super best friend, but “like, romantically and shit”. And of course Stan’s worried that 1) maybe Kyle won’t reciprocate but also 2) Kyle might not be in the place mentally for a relationship, but Kyle, who has been ALSO madly in love for years is STOKED!!! Cue mutual confessing, Sheila interrupting to take Ky to his doctors appointment, and style texting all “does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?” While Kyle’s in the waiting room and Stan is still in his room until Kyle gets back lmfao

As much as anorexia is a bitch and a half, Kyle’s recovery WAS the catalyst for OJV style getting together. Stan was fucking terrified when he realized how bad off Kyle actually was, how good he was at hiding it, and that made him really face how much he COULD NOT LOSE HIM. And he had to tell him, and they’ve been together ever since

[elumish]

In the wake of what's going on in the world, I see a lot of rhetoric that basically boils down to the idea that everyone has a responsibility to watch every bad thing that's going on in the world all the time. That awareness itself is a responsibility that everyone has always.

I'm not going to say that people do or don't have a responsibility to be aware of things, but I want to talk about how to take care of yourself and others while doing so.

For some context, I spent close to a year and a half reading about every terrorist attack in the world as part of my work on the Global Terrorism Database. It was 2015/2016, so this was the height of ISIS/Daesh, it was a major time for Boko Haram, and it was when there was a lot of political violence that we weren't sure how to classify in places like Yemen, Crimea, and Libya (stuff the GTD didn't know how to classify had all of is information recorded, and then it went into purgatory until someone above my paygrade decided what to do with it). What this means is that I was spending 10-20 hours a week reading about hundreds or thousands of attacks a month and, in my case, recording infomation about the type of attack and the type of weapon. Much of my life was reading terrible things.

Limit what you do in isolation. One of the worst changes for me during that time, mental health-wise (even though it was great for my commute) was when I went from working in-person to working remotely. With other people, there are ways to diffuse the pain. A burden shared is a burden halved and all that. That may mean talking about it, or joking about it, or finding some other way to engage with it that isn't just reading about the most horrible things in the world and then stewing in your own thoughts about them.

Find something to do that's totally unrelated. I highly recommend finding something to do with your hands, if you can (knitting, Lego, cooking, whatever), but regardless of what it is, you should have some time when you entirely switch away to something different. During a fair amount of my time with the GTD, I was also doing my undergrad thesis about terrorism on TV, so a huge amount of my life was about terrorism in some way. The only other thing I watched was Great British Bake Off, and I would just rewatch the episodes, over and over.

Be compassionate about how you share information and with whom. Use trigger warnings, and consider using consistent tagging on places like Tumblr so people can blacklist it if they need to. Also consider whether it's appropriate or necessary to share photos of bodies or other results of horrible violence. What is it accomplishing, to show that? Can that goal be accomplished other ways that don't require the equivalent of jumpscares of unexpected photos of dead or brutalized people? Are you just showing it because you think that everyone should have to see it? If you are showing it, are there ways to mitigate against harm it may do?

Do what you can to avoid an echo chamber. Sometimes, when everyone around you is upset or angry about the same thing, it just amplifies itself, and you all get angrier and more upset in perpetuity without accomplishing anything.

Work towards action. Watching terrible things happen for the sake of saying that you haven't looked away isn't as meaningful as taking action in some way. Write to your Congressperson. Donate. Do whatever is appropriate for the thing you want to stop. But penance via watching terrible things happen doesn't accomplish anything.

Recognize compassion fatigue and do what you can to mitigate it. If you spend long enough doing this, you start to lose context, and you start to become less able to have compassion about things. If you're reading about attacks with dozens or hundreds of deaths regularly, five can start to not seem like that many. If you're reading only about the worst suffering in the world, "lesser" suffering of those around you can start to seem unimportant and petty. Do what you can to mitigate that.

Be kind to yourself. You do nobody any good if you burn out. Look away, if you need to. Take a break. Do things so you can enjoy life, because otherwise you are just another person suffering in the world. Other people's pain isn't a hair shirt for you to wear.

[sundrop-writes]

Claustrophobia

Isaac Lahey x GN!Reader

Word Count: 800

Teen Wolf Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of the abuse Isaac experienced from his father, mentions of that abuse having a last psychological effect on him (in the form of claustrophobia); Isaac having a panic attack due to his claustrophobia being unexpectedly triggered; this is more of a hurt/comfort fic because the reader helps him calm down. Implications that the reader doesn't know about the existence of werewolves and the supernatural. The reader's gender is not described in any way. Also, I don't know if this is at all sound advice about how to treat someone during a panic attack - not something I am versed in. I think that's it? Not proofread cause I'm on a mental hiatus babey

A/N: I just watched Season 3, Episode 4 (I've been watching two episodes a day and really enjoying the pace of it) and naturally the moment where Isaac gets stuck in the closet called to me like a beacon of whump. So here's this. Also highly recommend pairing this with Claustrophobia by 3OH! 3

...

"Did it have to be a closet?"

Isaac let out a dry chuckle, a seemingly nervous laugh as he eyed up the space apprehensively before stepping inside, putting some of the supplies on one of the shelves.

The two of you began gathering supplies off the cart and loading them into the janitor's closet, carrying out the punishment you had been given. You had been fifteen minutes late to class that morning, and you had heard that Isaac was in detention for fighting - beating up one of the new kids. You knew that since his father died, he had taken on somewhat of a new persona - more bold, more unafraid to get in trouble. But you had a feeling that violence didn't suit him.

It made you wonder what the other guy did to provoke the fight, or what the truth really was. But you felt that it wasn't your place to ask.

"It's not so bad." You remarked, sensing his general anxiety about this activity, but having no clue why.

He seemed fairly confident in every other area of life - he took down guys on the field in lacrosse without even flinching, he walked tall in the halls with confidence (not that you had noticed, not that you stared at him or anything) - it did make you wonder what was so intimidating to him about a closet full of spray bottles and napkins.

"I'm... not so good with small spaces." He remarked quietly, shyly, grabbing some more of the supplies off the cart and stepping inside beside you to begin organzing everything.

Ah. He was claustrophobic. That made sense.

You had heard rumours floating around the school after his father died - you had even heard whispers between Scott and Stiles when they were trying to be subtle in their conversations but had a poor sense of tact. Isaac's father used to lock him in a freezer as punishment, among other things. It was a horror you couldn't imagine.

"You-"

You were about to offer for him to leave, offering to finish up the rest of the work by yourself so that he wouldn't have to be burdened by his anxiety, when the closet door swung shut, slamming closed in a strangely violent manner. Isaac rushed to the door, furiously ripping on the handle, trying to get it open.

"It - it won't open-" He gasped, suddenly sounding terribly out of breath.

He was panicking, likely overtaken by horrible memories that you couldn't even imagine.

"It's okay, it's probably just stuck, I can call someone-" You took your phone out of your pocket, trying to reassure him, but his panicked flailing in the small space, now shouldering against the door, trying to ram it down, knocked your phone out of your hand and cracked the screen.

You didn't know if it was still in working order or not, but you knew it would be wiser to calm him down first.

"Something - something is blocking it from the other side!" He said, his breaths becoming more panicked and frantic as he kept trying to charge the door down - how was he not hurting himself?

He was sweating and shaking, and you ached with sympathy for him.

In Isaac's mind, he was right back there. Locked in darkness, clawing against the tiny, enclosed walls, desperate to get out. He was suffocating, he was running out of air, he was gonna die. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't-

Suddenly, your hand moved against his shoulders, a flat, firm palm rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. The pure gentleness of the touch startled his senses back to reality - there had been nobody to comfort him back then. He collapsed against the door, pressing his forehead into the metal, and deeply against his will, he let out a sob.

"Hey, shh, it's okay." You told him, trying to be as soothing as possible. "You're being so brave-"

"I'm not brave." Isaac choked out. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize." You told him firmly, fighting back your own tears of empathy had how distraught he was. "Come on, sit down. Let's take a minute to calm down and breathe and then we'll find a way out of here."

You helped him onto the floor - he practically collapsed into a sitting position against one of the shelves, his entire body shuddering and shaking. Though he wasn't the most naturally affectionate person in the world, he didn't deny your touches when you cradled his head onto your shoulder and continued to soothingly rub his back.

After a few minutes of silence, save for his whimpers as his tears died down, he spoke up.

"I'm sorry," He apologized again. "I just - my dad..." He trailed off, barely able to voice it.

"It's okay," You told him, and for once in his life - he actually felt okay, here with you, in your arms. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Thank you." He sighed.

When Scott came and got the two of you out of the closet (after Isaac had apologized a dozen more times for cracking your phone screen) - he could sense something in the way Isaac looked at you now, but he didn't say anything about it. Not yet.

[drdemonprince]

Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?

I would recommend being more specific.

People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.

When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.

In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.

So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.

The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.

Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.

It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.

[thesophistiicate]

hey im 20 year old female. recently i have recognised that i practice negative self talk a lot. any advices how could i stop or atleast reduce it?

how to cure negative self talk 🤍💭

the way we speak to ourselves can majorly impact our self worth and ability to reach our goals. i remember when i first tuned into my inner monologue… i was shocked and disgusted at how horribly i was speaking to myself all day every day. i had no idea! so i began researching how to stop it and implementing as much as i could. it definitely takes a lot of active work but i’m happy to say that years later i currently hardly ever have negative thoughts about myself (or others) anymore, and when i do it’s really easy to catch and deal with.

1. tune into your thoughts

it’s common for negative thoughts to run wild through our minds without us actually even noticing. the first step is to take some time to tune in and really notice what you’re thinking. the best time to do this is in “trigger” moments, like when you’re stressed, facing something challenging, looking at yourself, reflecting on a social interaction etc. how you talk to yourself in these moments will be very revealing.

2. actively reframe negative thoughts

flip any negative thought you have into an opposite, positive thought and/or speak to yourself with compassion and nurture. a common one for me when i was stressed while working and feeling stuck was “ugh i’m so stupid!” i changed it to “i’m smart and capable of solving problems”. it will feel silly at first but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. with time you won’t have the negative thoughts at all.

3. journalling/writing morning pages

morning pages are from “the artist’s way”, which i recommend everyone read and try at least once in their life. but you write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts first thing in the morning (ideally). no self editing, anything that crosses your mind goes down. this is where a lot of your deep negative thoughts tend to spew out, and this allows you to see them, confront them, and view them as the silly little thoughts they are. your negative thoughts are from shame and fear; you need to express them and get them out. shame thrives in darkness but will shrivel under the light.

4. practice mindfulness and staying present in the moment

so often we spiral into negativity due to overwhelm. guided meditations helped me a lot (you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, insight timer etc). you’re essentially trying to re-wire your automatic brain response so you need to be able to stop running on autopilot and actually tune into what’s happening inside by gaining some control over your thoughts. it’s literally like training a muscle so is difficult at first, but you get better at it the more you do.

5. eliminate distractions and consider a dopamine detox

we numb and distract ourselves in a variety of ways. whether it’s constantly surrounding ourselves with people, scrolling social media, binge watching tv, over-using substances or other indulgences etc… these things are fine in moderation (and actually can be necessary to overall wellbeing, i think being constantly self aware can also drive you crazy and you’re allowed to have a break) but take note of how often you are actually numbing yourself out and promoting disconnection with your mind. you need to be able to face your thoughts.

6. notice how you think about others, too

i’ve mentioned before one of my worst qualities to overcome was the fact i could be very judgemental and arrogant. i actually found this was directly related to my negative self perception - after all, what we think about others is usually actually just a projection of how we feel about ourselves, our insecurities, our fears. so i also made an effort to stop judging others and instead find positives to focus on. this worked so well to overall retrain my mind toward positivity (and also started attracting much more healthy and positive relationships into my life too).

and consider tailored support if necessary

if you struggle with any of the steps on your own, a therapist, counsellor, coach, or other professional may able to be help with more personalised guidance 🤍

[littlefreya]

Hi Freya! If you have the time, I was wondering if you had any recommendations for some August Walker fics, whether by you or another writer, it doesn’t matter to me. Most of the fics I’m finding recently make him out to be rough, animalistic, and cruel (which makes sense cause he was the villain after all lol). But they also include non-con, degradation, etc, which I’m not comfortable with. Don’t get me wrong! Stories with those elements are fine! It’s just not my cup of tea, personally. And I do like rough August, but I guess it’s more in the sense of him being rough to his enemies and being soft, sweet, and super protective of his sweet and innocent girl. Does that make sense? I’m sorry if it doesn’t, and for the rambling, to this day I still get nervous and panicky whenever I write an ask. 😅 Hope you have a great day! 🥰

Hey love, no need to be nervous about sending an ask. We are all just humans here :) 💖

I have several August stories where August is a pure softy - smut and non smut included.

List below the cut

Smut 🔥🔥🔥

Velvet Chains - Soft!August x Reader (smut. August Walker as a sex-worker, sexual intercourse, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, a depiction of bodily fluids, soft!August themes, a tinge of angst and August’s monster c… ) - For a generous fee, August Walker is yours. A man devout to pleasure, who will worship you for an entire night and make sure your first time is more than memorable. 

Whiskers and Wet Silk - August comes home to find his princess watching Shadow and Bone and simping for the General and gets a bit insecure…

A Perfect Day - August Walker x Reader (smut to heavy fluff. Mentions of oral sex performed on a woman, male masturbation, and bodily fluids.) A perfect day in rural italy with the most dangerous CIA agent on earth. 

Pink Umbrella - August x Reader (Fluff to smut, soft!August Walker, DD/LG, thigh riding, gloves fetish (it’s a thing now), dirty talk, a tint of angst and slight twist ending.) August is on a mission in beautiful Paris and had you join the ride, but while he wants you to stay safe at the hotel, you have other ideas.

Gentle Monsters - August x Reader (smut, vaginal fingering, groping, grinding, cock grabbing, virginity. SoftDom vibes. August is the big bad wolf, but he can be soft for the right woman) It’s your first date with agent Walker, and things get a little too raunchy, but you are not ready to go all the way… 

One more touch before we die August x OFC (Explicit smut, romance) Set in a cabin on the mountain, August and his woman make passionate, desperate love. Sense Challange - Touch

Bourbon and Candy August x OFC (Explicit Smut, size kink, daddy kink) After a frustrating day at work, August just wants to sit down and enjoy his princess, in any way possible.

Poison Honey - August Walker x Reader ( Passion, romance, sexual innuendo, a “thrill of the chase” if this may trigger anyone and mild alcohol use.) Everyone around you is too busy getting drunk and making out, while you are just dying for this dreadful Christmas party to be over. But just as you plan to leave, you catch the eye of a very hungry August Walker. 

Fluff 🌈🍧🧁

Kiss it Better - August Walker x OFC (3rd person POV Fluffy, sticky, gooey fluff and floof with a tint of naughty suggestion)  August takes care of his girl after she fell

Monster August Walker x OFC (Romance) They call him a monster, but he is your monster    

Eivor - August Walker x ofc (Fluff)   August Walker wore many masks and had done horrible things but never in his life he imagined he would become someone’s father.

Shelter - August x Reader (Strictly soft sticky fluff) Lazy morning cuddles with August 

Something Wicked - August Walker x Reader (Fluff) August sleeps tightly and you decide to exploit the situation. 

Angel, can you hold me? - Soft!August x ofc (Angst to fluff) Bad guys need to be held as well

No More Tears - August Walker x OFC (August’s POV, Angst) On a cold autumn night, August muses over the girl he lost.

Behind Blue Eyes - August Walker x OFC (August’s POV,  angst, bad language, mentions of sex, mentions of alcohol, mentions of a breakup, longing, love, heartache. August being poetic AF and August being a prick and stealing candy. ) Beaten and broken, August Walker walks the streets of an unnamed city while he is taken by sudden longing.

Some drabbles

August doesn’t like it when his princess is sad (fluff)

Soft Tender August - August x Reader (Fluff, aftercare)

August singing Sinatra to you - August x Reader (Fluff)

Watching porn with August - August x Reader (mutual masturbation)

Forever Yours - August loves his cuddly princess

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Office Space 5

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you’re an assistant to private and corporate investigator, Nick Fowler, and find yourself brought into the fold of his shady professional life. 

Characters: Nick Fowler, Jonathan Pine, this reader is known as Elfie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

The steakhouse is beyond your usual pay grade. You’re more the kind to order a burrito to enjoy in the privacy of your own home. As it were, you’re not in the habit of going out for business dinners. With your boss, the prospect has never arisen. You prefer that. The task of balancing tidy bites with conversation has always been tedious. 

You focus on the menu to keep your brain from going into overdrive. There are no prices. He did say he was paying, right? 

You stop your hand from completing its journey to your mouth. The urge to chew your nails makes you itchy. You think the ahi tuna might disappoint your boss. He did suggest some steak. Waggy? Wally? Waifu? You don’t know. 

“Mm, I would recommend this cabernet,” Pine says as he taps the smaller menu on the table, “unless of course we were opting for lager?” 

“I prefer the scotch,” Fowler returns, “but I’m open to suggestion.” 

Is he? Really? For as long as you’ve known Fowler, there is only his way. 

You look between them and smile, “I went drinking last night, I might just have water.” 

“Oh, I see you’ve worked for him far too long,” Pine chuckles. “It is the weekend, you should indulge.” 

“If she doesn’t want to drink, don’t make her,” Fowler girds. 

“I wonder why she should abstain with you around,” Pine retorts, “they’ve a cocktail menu. This blueberry mojito looks rather interesting.” 

Pine offers the menu and you look it over. You don’t want to step on either side of the tightrope but you feel yourself losing balance. You also don’t want to spit in the face of generosity. 

“Suppose I might try that,” you agree. “And uh, sir,” you look at Nick at your other elbow. It only occured to you then that you’re trapped between both of them on the curved bench of the booth, “what was the steak you mentioned?” 

“No sirs. Just Nick, Elf,” he corrects you. “The Wagyu,” he reaches over to point to the menu, angling towards you. “How do you like your meat? Medium?” 

“Ummm,” you twiddle your fingers on the table then stop them as you notice his eyes follow the nervous gesture. “Medium rare?” 

“Mm,” Nick nods, “I might’ve had to reconsider your employment if you said well done.” You stare at him and he grins. That’s unusual. “It’s a joke.” 

“I think I may opt for the tuna,” Jonathan intones, “I’m not in the mood for steak.” 

“British guts,” Nick chides. 

“A refined palette, rather,” Jonathan rebuffs with a cool laugh. He looks over as a server approaches, “let us get our drinks first, yes?” 

The waiter patiently takes your orders; the mojito for you, scotch for Nick, and wine for Jonathan, he insists on a bottle for the table. You resist the urge to slouch back and try to hide against the leather. You feel crowded with the bodies at your flanks. Did they get closer? 

You wait patiently for your cocktail. It’s not very big. You hoped to nurse it most of the night to keep from over indulging. You put in an order for the Wagyu, mispronouncing it horribly, and Nick orders the same. Pine keeps to his fish and you feel a spark of jealousy. It does sound better than red meat. 

“When did you start working for our mutual acquaintance?” Pine asks. 

“Um,” you glance at Nick, “about a year and a half.” 

“Something like that,” Nick agrees flatly.  

As you sit forward on the seat, keeping on the edge, you feel his hand behind you, lazily resting on the cushion. You shift and face Pine again as you try to ignore it. The other man seems to pen you in as he angles his shoulders towards you. You never thought you were claustrophobic but you’re starting to panic. You take a sip. 

“Ah, well, so long as I’ve known the man, he’s always been one to work alone,” Pine muses. 

“Oh,” you have no other answer. 

“Operations’ changed. Can’t do it all myself,” Nick sits forward and brushes his hand up your lower back before withdrawing. “She’s a valuable asset. Organized and reliable.” 

It’s as much praise as you’ve ever received from the man but it is not exactly reassuring. Something in his tone lacks the sentiment of his words. A harshness meant to rebuff the other man at the table. 

“What a glowing reference, she should be a hot commodity then. Any would be happy to have her on their team.” 

“She has a job,” Nick insists. 

“Yes, but certainly aspirations beyond assistant work,” Pine counters. 

You’re dizzy as the men argue your future in front of you, as if you asked, as if it’s up to them. You take another drink and nearly sigh as the waiter approaches with a tray. The food will be a good distraction. At least you hope it can fend of these prowling wolves. 

[marvelstoriesepic]

Last updated: October 31

I’m only writing for Bucky Barnes

Lots of love for my Bucky people! ♡

I do not consent my work to getting republished

My work can include heavy themes (such as sexual assault, abuse, panic attacks, death, toxic behavior, self-doubt etc). Each chapter and fic will have their own warnings, but if anything might trigger you, be cautious!

If you are interested in reading the Bucky fics I loved on this app, check out my list of fic recommendations on my other blog @buckbuckbarnesstuff

˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔ October Writing Challenges 2024 ˖°.🍂.ೃ࿔

WIP Game

♡ - personal fav

❁ - fic with 300+ notes

✯ - fic with 500+ notes

Series 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

Breaking Chains (ongoing)

Biker!Bucky x reader

Summary: Leaving behind an abusive and possessive boyfriend, and finding refuge in the hometown you once yearned to escape, certainly wasn’t a chapter you anticipated in your life’s story. Yet, eyes as blue as the sky at dusk, belonging to a mysterious biker drew you into a world of unexpected possibilities, where a job at his bar becomes more than just a means of survival - it’s a pathway to freedom and self-discovery. Though, breaking away from your past proves daunting when shackled by invisible chains.

Two-Parts 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

1. Tangled ropes [8.2k]

Sailor!Bucky x reader

Summary: A new sailor arrives at the docks amongst Captain Barton’s crew. Maybe it’s the way he looks at you, the way he carries himself, or perhaps it’s the way his eyes are the echo of the ocean in color and depth. But something about him makes you want to untangle the ropes that seem to choke his spirit.

&

2. Beyond the Horizon (coming soon)

One-shots 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

Listen to your gut [2.8k] ❁

Avenger!Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Summary: Bucky is assigned on a Hydra mission. Letting him venture back in the lion’s den without backup sets a deep unsettling dread knotting your stomach. Drowning out logic and reason you beg him to stay.

Still on the list [14.1k] ✯

Frat!College!Bucky x College!Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes, the infamous frat guy, known for sleeping around and throwing parties left and right, constantly invites you, out of all people, to all of them. His intentions though remain a mystery to you. Following a troubling event that leaves you shaken and anxious, Bucky is there to pick up the pieces. Stolen glances and exchanged smiles gradually blossom into a connection that goes beyond what meets the eye.

Casual Sweetness [2.3k] ♡ ❁

Roommate!Bucky x reader

Summary: You seek out your roommate and best friend Bucky for comfort after a girls night out leaves you shaken up.

Two [6.2k] ♡

College!Athlete!Bucky x College!Reader

Summary: Your friends Wanda and Nat drag you to a corn maze event at night. After a rather unpleasant encounter with Bucky, Sam, and Steve, you want nothing but this night to end. Unfortunately for you, you’ll have to find the exit first.

Latte (He)art [7.8k]

Barista!Bucky x Coworker!College!Reader

Summary: Your sweet coworker at the café you work at part time is the only thing able to brighten your day. So it’s only practical that he always ends up in the same shift as you.

Ocean’s claim [5.9k]

Lifeguard!Bucky x Amateur!Surfer!Reader

Summary: Seeking a thrill, your friend Natasha convinces you to go surfing during stormy weather conditions - a bad idea as you come to experience.

Pirate Nights and Pumpkin Lights [1.7k]

Modern!Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky and you take Morgan, Billy, and Tommy trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Drabbles 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

Paranoia [1.4k]

Avenger!Bucky x reader

Summary: Bucky comes home to an unlocked door - his mind convinces him something horrible happened to you

Learn his way [1.5k] ❁

College!Bucky x College!Tutor!Reader

Summary: Bucky is more interested in learning about you than biology

“Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.”

- Edgar Allan Poe

[ewingstan]

If you had a chance to recommend (real-world) superhero comics to the Undersiders, which comics would you recommend and why?

Oh, good question. Its been a minute since I was really into comics (I gotta figure out how to reactivate my Marvel Unlimited account), but I think I have enough background to come up with some good picks.

Lotta good options for Taylor. My first thought is to give her Ewing's X-Men Red (aka "the main reason I need to catch up on Marvel comics"), since a superhero story that focuses a lot on gaining and maintaining societal power and the work of governing as a leader in a super-community seems like it would appeal to the Warlord of the Boardwalk. Plus a lot of it is "kill the previous leader in a way that ensures you have a popular mandate," which I'm sure she'd be a fan of.

If we're talking Taylor at the start of the story or younger—well, I don't know if it makes sense to give her runs of the character she's most a pastiche of, but maybe something that fits the Spider-Man niche could still be appealing for a young down-on-her-luck aspiring hero? I could see her getting something out of the Simone or Ahmed Ms. Marvel runs, for instance.

(While Watchmen might seem like the natural pick, I'm pretty sure she'd lose a lot of enjoyment just from picking out all the ways Veidt's plan was obviously gonna fail for x y z reasons. Also dark deconstructions of superhero worlds would probably seem too familiar to her world for her to enjoy it.)

If Taylor would be interested in comics statecraft, Lisa would probably be more interested in comics spycraft and intrigue. Ewing's S.W.O.R.D. would probably scratch the same itch for her that X-Men Red would for Taylor (and Storm dramatically blowing off Doom would probably satisfy her after all the ulcer-inducing negotiations with Accord.) I might also give her Ewings New Avengers and USAvengers runs (look this is gonna include a lot of Al Ewing recs, get used to it early) if only because I feel like she'd enjoy how Roberto gets characterized in those comics. Magnificent bastard solidarity.

If we're giving comics to Brian, we already need to work past his defensive avoidance of anything that seems too childish, so I don't think we're getting anything pre-dark ages. That said, he famously thinks "looking mature" means "sick-ass skulls and leather jackets," so his idea of maturity might skew a bit into McFarlane territory. Ultimately though I think he'd be most comfortable with something where he could plausibly say "this isn't just a comic, it's actually a well-respected piece of literature." I'd want that to mean Moore's Saga of the Swamp Thing, but it'd probably actually mean The Dark Knight Returns.

As a dark horse pick, I'd give Brian some early New Warriors or Ewing's Contest of Champions, if only because Night Thrasher feels so close to what he wants his vibe to be (dramatic black leather ensemble with a very 90's idea of cool, unflappable expert strategist who pulls his weight despite a powerset with limited applicability, died horribly and came back much later for weirdly impersonal reasons) while also being just ridiculous enough to make me want to see his reaction.

Given Iota's commentary on Alec's pizza habits, I'd think Alec would most be a fan of something intense and bombastic and not mind if its often repetitive. I'd almost say Berserk would be a good match for him, but parts of that that might actually be triggering for him. Maybe some other ultra-violent longrunning work; I haven't read Fist of the North Star but it seems like a safe recommendation; various X-Force runs could work if we're sticking with Western comics.

Rachel really doesn't seem like someone who'd have much appreciation for any aspect of comics. The best bet would be something visually spectacular in a way that could be appreciated on its own, and a plot that's interesting taking issues on their own and not just as part of ongoing runs. I could see Ewing's Immortal Hulk as fitting those criteria; her power gives her an artist's appreciation for Bennett's horrific depictions of the Hulk's transformations (even if praising Bennett for anything feels in poor taste).

Ewing's scripts for each issue of Hulk are clever in a way that I feel Rachel could find entertaining; they don't require an attention she couldn't keep up, but also aren't simple to the point of being condescending. Plus, the thematic focus on "what can and can't be solved through unspeakable acts of destruction" would feel familiar in a way that's less frustrating than normal comic tut-tutting about how obviously we can't attack these guys (plus the greater willingness to say "oh yeah unspeakable destruction definitely is the best way forwards here" would be pretty satisfying).

I feel like Aisha would have more patience for comic tropes than a lot of the other undersiders, (I could see her enjoying the original Fantastic Four run), but at the same time she'd probably enjoy something a bit more complicated and out-there. Ewing's Rocket might be appealing as heist-focused mini, and I feel like the mix of melancholy and absurdity would appeal to her. Rosenberg's Hawkeye: Freefall would work for similar reasons, though replace "melancholy" with "simmering rage."

Morrison's Doom Patrol and The Invisibles both have characters Aisha might relate to for the whole "society largely ignoring or wanting to go away" thing. Plus they both have big weird ideas she'd appreciate, Richard Case's art works well with her aesthetics, and they're both seen as "respectable" series to the point that she might like peppering in references to them in alongside Jules Verne jokes.

Huh, I just realized that Aisha and Brian both ended up chasing an appearance of being mature and somewhat surface-level and off-putting ways. Brian "trust me I'm a normal adult man" and Aisha "I've compiled spider-man quips for every work in the Western Canon and will get frustrated when you don't get them" Laborn, the "something ain't right about that kid" siblings.

(I will say that Morrison's Doom Patrol has some weird black stereotypes so if anyone wants to pitch me on a similar work without Morrison's occasional racism I'd be curious).

I'd give Rowell's run on Runaways to Sabah, if only because "somewhat antivillanous found family group of teens that mostly don't have to worry about anything besides relationship drama" sounds like a nice escape for her. Closer to what she wants the Undersiders to be like. Also, I feel she'd enjoy Kris Anka's focus on fashion in his art.

I don't have a lot to go off for Lily. I could see some of the more recent Captain Marvel runs appealing to her sense of true-blue militant heroism. Ayala's New Mutants or Ahmed's Black Bolt might help combat her whole "villains are ontologically evil" thing, at least to a certain extent.

[sysmedsaresexist]

hey fellas it's me again

systemscringe is using this horrible essay (https://text.is/pluralkit-) to say that systems shouldn't use pk (and by extension simply plural) even though it's blatantly wrong, promotes the "evil alter" stereotype at the end, and DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN AUTHOR

this stupid essay made me think that sp wasnt something i should use (and sure, its not good for SOME people, but it can be helpful, and it is for me). now that i am using it ive been able to learn more about my system and fronting triggers and i really dont want any other systems to go through what i did.

i would debunk it myself but i feel like yall have more reach than i do, and i also know youre more researched than me and would be able to do a better job.

if u could help that'd be great :)

Sigh. Systemscringe back at it again, making things more difficult for literally everyone. First things first:

Pluralkit, Simplyplural, and anything similar are NOT inherently harmful to people who dissociate.

They’re also not inherently helpful, either.

To say they are always harmful will confuse people on how to recognize the signs of increased dissociation. That makes it harder for people who are actually harmed by using these things to get help. It also invalidates people who are genuinely helped by these tools. These tools do not inherently prevent integration. For some people, tools like these can help them recognize and work with their systems, which is necessary for reducing dissociation.

"To be an integrated human, as Dan Siegel (2010) insists, requires 'differentiation—with linkage,' that is, it necessitates the ability to make distinctions between different parts of the self, to name them as parts, but also to link them to other parts and to the whole of which they are a part." - Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, by Janina Fisher, Page 21

To say that Real Dissociative(tm) people don’t use these tools is utterly false, a bad excuse to fakeclaim people, and they know it; these tools are popular as hell in the online community, and many people, even people who eventually found them harmful, have used them. Can we please put this “faker” shit to rest so that actual productive conversations can be had?

Personally, I think that there's a lot of things to critique about both pluralkit and simplyplural (hereafter just called pk/sp). They're not perfect -- nothing is! I'd love to have a nuanced discussion about how they can be helpful and harmful to different people and why, but often it feels like I can't have discussions like that. Not when just using pk/sp gets entire subreddits calling you a faker, not when systems who simply dislike pk/sp get called "sysmeds," not when we approach these things as either Always Good or Always Bad.

In reality, how helpful or harmful pk/sp can be is an entirely subjective matter. It's a personal issue to your system and your system alone. I know systems who find pk/sp to be very helpful and I also know systems who find them to be unhelpful, even harmful. In my own experience, I've found that pk/sp made my symptoms worse. So, I just don't use them. It's literally that simple.

Notice how the essay makes such broad sweeping statements about pk. They don't say that it can increase dissociation between alters, they say that it will. They don't say that it can lead to delusions, they say that it will. How about instead of jumping to conclusions, we actually ask the community what their experiences are? I’ll get us started:

I also notice that the essay states that the functions of pk go against treatment recommendations, but I don’t know a single clinician who is using pluralkit to treat their patients. AFAIK, they’re correct that it’s not really an accessibility tool, but it’s also not a therapeutic tool either? So, I don’t understand why they’re judging it like it is one? It’s just a discord bot, dude. It’s not that deep.

I don’t want to glance over the harm they’re talking about, though. Stuff like pk/sp can reinforce dissociation. You can have an unhealthy relationship with them. That’s not specific to pk/sp, though, it can be like this with anything seemingly innocuous. I know some people who self-harm by reading fanfiction…doesn’t mean that everyone who reads fanfiction is self-harming, or that fanfiction is universally harmful. That's why, instead of telling people pk/sp are Bad and Always Harmful, we need to spread awareness so that people actually know how to recognize actual harm and take care of themselves. That’s why I’ll leave this post off with a list of some red flags. Anyone is free to add on, but remember that these are potential signs of harm. If you think your use of pk/sp is harmful or unhealthy, please investigate that with a professional or close loved one!

Some red flags that pk/sp may not be helping you:

Episodes of dissociation, switching, and/or memory loss became more frequent or severe after you started using them

They make it harder for your system to cooperate; you all feel less connected than before

There’s more conflict within the system than before

You feel pressured to say who is fronting or when a switch happened, even if you don't actually know

You feel pressured to create a profile for system members that you don't know a lot about or are unsure if even exist or ones that specifically don’t want a profile

You sometimes wish you had more system members so that you could have more proxies or profiles

You or system members feel like you aren’t allowed to have your privacy or anonymity

You feel like you can't talk in discord servers that don't have pk

Using them makes your system members feel less real / less connected as a system

Using them is the only thing that makes your system members feel real / more connected as a system

You don’t really want to use pk/sp but you feel like you’re a faker or doing something wrong if you don’t use them

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A Personal Post

Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.

So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.

I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.

I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!

But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.

I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.

But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.

I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.

I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.

Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!

But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.

Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.

NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.

Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!

[healingpuppys]

How to cope with a trauma anniversary!

for some slight context, today is a very awful day for us, we have many trauma anniversaries, and though they seem to never get better throughout the years we have found a way to cope with some things!

Waking up

waking up the morning of a trauma anniversary can feel jarring, and sometimes at first you don’t realize it’s a trauma day, it’s different for everyone when they may realize! sometimes you can wake up and your body feels heavier, you may feel fuzzy, and gross; although these feelings are awful it’s very important to ground yourself, it’s ok to let yourself feel those feelings but don’t let it overcome you and cause you to spiral. A few grounding tips we have are:

find a comfort item, it can be anything! just something that brings you joy and comfort.

play a song or video that helps you calm down, focus on the beat and try to tap your fingers along with it

wrap yourself in a big blanket, for us personally it gives us a sense of safety when we most need it and it can be you’re safe space

these are just a few and of course there are plenty more you can use!

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are again a horrible and very painful experience. We also have things called ptsd induced hallucinations, where sometimes a flashback can trigger hallucinations and make life in the moment so much worse. if you experience these as well we have a few tips! even if you don’t experience these you can still use the tips!

reality check your self but not in a negative way, say things like “nothing can hurt me in this moment” “i am safe” etc.

distractions!! I know some people say “distractions won’t help you process through things” no, and a lot of people on a day like this don’t want or need to process anything, we are put in the mindset of trauma responses and are simply trying to survive the day, it’s important to have things that can ease our mind in those moments

comfort food, comfort food or drinks can always help and bring you away from a certain memory into another

calming or nice smells, candles or anything that has a nice sent can help distract the mind and sometimes put you in a different mind set

Eating

eating or getting hungry can be a struggle, for some they feel nauseous or sick at times during the day, which is completely normal! It is important to try to eat, and again if you can’t that’s completely ok there’s no need to feel shame in it just remember to hydrate and eat when you feel better! some tips to help one feel hungry or eat

Comfort food again!! comfort food can bring one out of a memory sometimes and into a happier or calmer one! and who doesn’t love comfort food!!

watching people cooking! it can sometimes be helpful for someone to regain hunger by watching others cook and plate some delicious looking food

Sleeping

sleeping can be hard on these days, for us we don’t get much sleep the night of our trauma date, but trust me it’ll make you feel much better.

Water/rain/forrest/wind sounds, they can be very calming and helpful to sleep, for us the forrest is one of our favorite places to be so we can sleep very soundly with noises of the forrest

youtube videos, something calming or funny as background noise can help someone’s mind relax enough to fall asleep

melatonin/prescribed sleeping meds, for some simple distractions won’t be enough so if you’re able we recommend taking something that can help you sleep

breathing/meditation! meditating is known to relax your body and mind also helping you clear tension built up in your body, we highly recommend this strategy!

though some of these things may not be helpful for some we hope to give people ideas and what personally helps us! remember lovely’s you’re valid, you’re strong, and you are all amazing! please remember to stay safe!!

[softxsuki]

I feel like this is a weird request, and I just wanted to say before hand that I’m not in this situation anymore but sometimes I imagine something similar happened when it was in effect. Could you maybe write about the toman boys (as a group, as toman I mean) somehow finding out their friend is currently an active victim of sex trafficking? How they’d react to it and stuff? I think a lot of ppl dont realize a lot of times with kids it’s not being thrown in a cage or something, often they let you go to school and live a normal life too. If you feel the need to do research b4 writing BTW, I recommend watching some TIKTOKS by nicolegrows as she had a very similar experience to me

Toman with Reader Who is A Victim of Trafficking

DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO. NOT. READ THIS IF MENTIONS OF SEX TRAFFICKING WILL TRIGGER YOU!

Pairings: Toman x Gn!reader (platonic)

Warnings: mentions of sex trafficking, needing counseling for trauma/PTSD

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 470

Summary: In which Toman finds out that you're actively a victim of sex trafficking

[A/N; Thanks for letting me know that this request was actually urgent. I just got a second today to write this. The best I could do was headcanons, because I physically couldn't write out a more detailed description of this scenario, but I hope it's helpful. You just said Toman, so I wrote how the gang as a whole would respond to finding out about this! I'm glad you made it through something as horrible as this. The world is a scary place.

cutting this here, incase anyone ignores my warnings. PROCEED WITH CAUTION PLS.

Okay well first of all, as soon as they find out that you’re in any kind of danger, Mikey commands everyone immediately to get into action to save you

You’re their friend; though not officially in the gang because they didn’t want to put you into any danger from the many enemies they have, you remained friendly with each other and hung out frequently

Baji was the one who noticed something strange, so he took matters into his own hands; he secretly followed you around and took note of any suspicious activity he saw from the people around you

But certain things made everything very clear and so he reported it all to Mikey right away, who them proceeded to act immediately

Their first step is taking you away from the people who are doing this to you–whether you’re aware of your situation or not; it doesn’t matter, they’re getting you out of there

It becomes a small operation, only the Captains and vice captains of the divisions along with Mikey and Draken are in charge of safely collecting you and ensuring that you never have to be in that environment again

They call the police to inform them, and show up to your “home” without their gang uniforms on–their job is to take you out of there, not draw attention to themselves and risk the perpetrators running off before the police even arrive. The police could deal with everything else when they got there

It took everything in Toman not to take their anger out on your “caretakers”; it was now Toman’s job to take care of you and give you a new home with them, not get in trouble and leave you alone

Obviously, you needed a lot of support from all your friends, and professional support as well, which they all helped you out with

Mitsuya was probably the one you ended up confiding in the most–being as he was an older brother to his younger sisters, you felt especially safe with him

But aside from him, the boys all made you feel very welcome and safe

If they weren’t protective of you before, they definitely were now

Mikey had ordered someone to always be on guard of you at all times, if he wasn’t available to do it (he usually was, but in the rare case that he couldn’t, another toman member would quietly be keeping an eye on you from afar)

You’d most likely be living with Mikey and his Grandfather, who treated you with so much kindness and understanding after Mikey explained everything to the older man

You were Toman’s family now and they’d do anything to make sure you continued your life the way you were meant to live it; helping you with anything you needed in the process to recover and overcome everything that had happened to you.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 5/11/2023

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, sex witch. so, i'm an older virgin (turning 30 soon) and am going to be having sex with someone next week, but after so long it's become a very big scary thing that i've decided to deal with by having (very negotiated, very consensual) intentionally big scary kinky (cnc) sex with someone who knows what they're doing. i was chatting to my best friend about it and she thinks i'm going to really mess up what i think sex should be like and that i should re-evaluate why i want to not have to make my own choices during it (but surely i'm already making my choices here...?). i'm really concerned now that wanting it like this is just internalised misogyny and rape culture?

hi anon,

I do actually think this is a really unsafe and ill-advised idea, not because it's misogynistic or because there's anything wrong with flavor of sexual fantasy but because it's kind of like deciding to get into mountain climbing by starting out with Everest. going in elaborate, hardcore scene without having no idea how you interact with other people in the context of sex seems foolhardy at best and comes with a high potential for pretty significant physical and/or emotional damage that, yes, could be rather traumatizing.

like in the most ✨ sex positive✨ way possible it would be irresponsible not to acknowledge that sex can really freak people out. it's a lot of stimuli all at once and that can cause people to flip out or freeze up. sometimes it hurts way, way more than you thought it would. sometimes you're going to be triggered in ways that you didn't even know were a trigger for you. and that's all possible during the world's most vanilla sex! and it can still be harrowing and horrible and exhausting, and adding the stress of, in your own words, a "big scary" scene is not going to make that any more pleasant.

I'm also just broadly worried about how well you're able to knowledgeably negotiate a scene when you don't even have a working frame of reference for how you do and don't like to be intimate with other people in non-kinky sex. much like mountain climbing, probably, sex is something you get better at when you spend a lot of time refining the basics and warming up, getting to know your body and its limitations before you do the challenging stuff.

I want to be so, SO clear here that the problem is absolutely not this particular fantasy, which I think could be a lot of fun to pursue if you're still interested after gaining more sexual experience. as a starting point it makes me uuuuuh nervous. respectfully, I wouldn't recommend it, but your body is yours and you must chase your bliss as you see fit.

[sugoi-writes]

(Preview) Trigger Happy, Part 2

SOOOOOOO I reread Trigger Happy for like, the first time after posting it. And my god, it kinda DID things to me. So without further adieu, here is a sneak peek/prelude to Part 2. It's extremely fluffy. No content warnings for this one, other than implied spicy thoughts ( @ieatcocoa I blame you, in the BEST WAY)

MDNI, or I'll cut you

🩸🦌🩸

A few months had passed since your last weekend trip to the cabin. The crisp air of Autumn had been corrupted by the cool embrace of Winter. For Louisianians, there would be no white Christmas, but the promise of chilly mornings and frosty nights lingered with the season.

Life had ultimately gone back to 'normal' for the both of you, as if the tumultuous chase has never happened. Alastor's radio show swung without a hitch, gaining traction with his extensive coverage of the famous 'Bayou Butcher'. Meanwhile, you were performing particularly well at your own job, a promotion lining up for your hard work. Life had improved drastically. 

But... even in the heat of your success, the both of you started to become stir crazy. In your efforts to work harder, the both of you neglected your sanity. All of this for the sake of being 'better off', the both of you had decided. At least you both agreed on one thing: a short getaway was long overdue. Your recommendation for a cabin-filled weekend delighted your overworked partner. And so, you both had worked your magic to make the getaway happen.

🦌❤️🦌

It was Friday morning, just an hour after Alastor got off of work. (Thankfully, he had managed to switch prodcasting times with another coworker, guaranteeing an early departure). When you had packed the last of your bags, you snuck back to your closet once more. Pushing over copious amounts of clothing on the rack, you finally pull out what you'd been looking for: a white linen gown with lace trim... Or at least, it used to be white... It was the dress you wore during the last 'hunt'. 

The fabric was weathered, rumpled, and looked quite horrific, if you were being honest. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks as your fingers brushed over the fabric, erotic memories flashing across your mind. The heavy thuds of footsteps, the smell of the dank bayou, the crunch of withered leaves... And yet all of these memories paled in comparison to him. 

Alastor. 

His heated touch, labored breaths, and manic, brown eyes nestled deep into your debauched dreams. Dreams that you found yourself longing to relive...

You bit your lip, debating if you should pack the dress. You wondered if this would be subtle enough, or if your secret desire for a part two was too 'on the nose'. 

This thought was disrupted by the bedroom door creaking open, and the sound of Alastor's silky, serene voice. 

"Darling, are you almost ready? I've gotten everything else in the trunk so far--" 

Alastor catches you glimpsing at That Dress, his back stiffening as memory lane hits him. Hard. 

He grins soon after, his smile cat-like as he wanders over to you. You're quick to hide the dress behind your back, stammering an excuse. 

"Y-Yes, I have everything-- just-- just thought about this old thing, y'know? I may need to toss it. This filthy thing has been through enough… It's just hanging here, collecting dust." 

Alastor clicks his tongue against his teeth, chuckling at your horrible attempt to deflect,"Dear, why would you want to get rid of this relic? I rather like the dress, you know~" When you avoid his gaze, Alastor sighs dramatically. He reaches behind your back, gently tugging the garment out of your rigid grasp. You can’t help the sheepish noise you make when he slings the dress over his shoulder, letting it hang off of him like a disheveled shawl. 

"Check the back of the closet, dear. In my garment bag," Alastor offers gently, stepping up beside you. You squirm as Alastor places a kiss on your temple and an impossibly large hand on your waist," I have something for you; perfect for the occasion, I'd say." 

You blink in surprise, throwing him a questioning look. Money wasn't exactly tight in your household, but the gesture surprised you all the same. A gift… for you? 

You're met with a beautiful sight. A pristine, red nightgown that made an apple look pink. Upon touching it, you realize it was satin; much nicer than the cotton one you originally had. Your mouth fell agape, your eyes widening in tandem. Dumbfounded at the sight, you hardly moved as Alastor kissed your cheek again. His sincere smile only grew as he gave your waist an affectionate squeeze. 

You follow his suggestion obediently, rummaging carefully until you hit Alastor's bag. While it usually hosted his dry clean-only suits, you noticed that it was uncharacteristic thin. Paper-thin, even.

You take down the bag from the bar gingerly, heart racing with curiosity. Alastor was just as eager, watching you with baited breath as you eased the zipper down. 

"Better to be prepared than not, right~?" Alastor mused, taking your free hand. You finally look his way when you feel a featherlight kiss press to your knuckles.

"This is--" 

"Yes yes, darling, it is. I figured it's only fair that you were dressed in my colors this weekend~" Alastor all but purred, his eyes full of mischief.

"Alastor, it's... Really beautiful. I hope it wasn't too much--"

Another kiss, this time just above your knuckles. A trail of sweet, deceivingly innocent kisses started to ascend your arm. Ever the cheeky man, Alastor was. 

"My love, nothing is ever too much for you. Think nothing of it. Simply wear it... It would make me very happy to see you in it."

You comtemplated his words, really taking them in. Like the lush fabric of the nightgown, you felt... Soft. You were almost liquid smooth, a flush festering on your skin under Alastor's affections. When he had kissed all the way up to your cheek, you turned to meet his lips with your own, smiling blissfully. Thankfully, Alastor didn't seem to mind the interruption

"Well, I guess I can't say no when ask me so sweetly... 'Can't let such a pretty dress go to waste, then~" you chime, giving Alastor another kiss. In fact, to air on caution, you zip the laundry bag closed, tucking it under your arm. You wouldn't want to risk ruining it before Alastor got his chance to...

"And," you added, a renewed glee coursing through you,"I think I'm ready to head out now~" 

Alastor reflects your smile, pressing a firm kiss to your lips to seal the deal.

"Off we go, then. Oh– and I think we should take the scenic route this time, if that’s alright..." You practically giggle as your arm is taken into his, allowing your beau to lead you out of the bedroom. 

"Honey, I would love nothing more." 

🦌🩸🦌