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k-renne · 1 year ago

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The Last Supper

Summary: The elusive catch and difficult to wrangle. You and Raphael play the game of cat and mouse. But what happens when the cat catches its prey.

Warnings - Porn and plot, the bread and butter of fanfiction

He would be your downfall, your doom. You knew it from the first moment you met the rhyming devil, words expertly crafted to manipulate and enchant you. That first meeting haunted your dreams for many nights after, his rich voice echoing in your mind. And here you were walking right into the claws of the cat, or was it the fox?

Your eyelids fluttered closed for a moment, remembering that fateful day. You remember your initial confusion when you encountered the man on your exploration of the Sword Coast. How did he know so much? By the gods his silly little rhymes did something to your heart.

When he first transported you to his tantalizing House of Hope, you remember the way he stares you down. Like a predator. It takes all your restraint not to gasp when he shows his true self, he was positively delicious. You can’t take his deal this time, as tempting as it is. A deal with the devil would certainly not help your situation, despite how desperately you want to rid yourself of the ‘unwanted tenant’ as he so tastefully put it.

You took a deep breath, and placed a skull in the drawn sigil on the floor. Eyes scanning the pattern, as you smoothed down the fabric of your skirt. It looked about right. “I cannot believe I am doing this,” You said aloud to yourself.

The more you encountered Raphael, the more you wanted to know about him. You knew he wanted power, but was he a fool? He certainly seemed to enjoy toying with you. But two could play such a game. Being a bard was not all music and performance, there was persuasion and charm. A whisper in someone’s ear, drunken secrets spilled from other’s lips. Where was the fun without a bit of risk?

With the last piece placed on the circle, the portal flared to life. You readied yourself for the performance of a lifetime, your violin secured safely on your back and stepped through the fiery portal.

The house was just like you remembered it, in all its grandeur and gaudy design. Raphael was truly dramatic. You waltzed through the hall, debtors paying you little mind.

The dwarf Korrilla however, did recognize you. “Interesting seeing you here, after rejecting Raphael’s deal. And all by yourself, just what do you intend to do Tav?” She eyed you questioningly.

Your eyes twinkle with mischief. “I am here on personal business, you see my companions don’t exactly approve of dealings with devils.” You crossed your arms.

Korrilla laughed, “He is not home, but he will be very happy to see you, if not surprised. But, may I give some advice?”

“If you wish,” You replied.

Korrilla contemplated for a moment. “Do not cross him, he will kill you-or most likely worse. If you play your cards right you may be able to find a very favorable outcome. And you are very clever, I’m sure you will choose the correct course, Tav.” She pauses briefly. “Little mouse,” She teases.

When the lies to the archivist easily slip off your tongue you can feel Korrilla watching you, she was very amused watching you work. She knew Raphael would be absolutely delighted to see his latest obsession falling right into his clawed grasp.

With an invitation to the boudoir, you felt invigorated. Everything was going to plan. Although your plan was simply to gather information without being caught, there was a part of you that wanted him to catch you. A part that craved punishment, to see his passionate anger and drive him to madness. You felt almost giddy, the game you were playing would soon reach its climax.

But you were not prepared for what you would meet in the boudoir, or more aptly who. Your steps slow as you take everything in, the room was luxurious, spacious, and you had half a mind to strip and soak in his steaming bath after weeks of scrubbing your skin raw in freezing rivers. However, as you made it past the tempting waters you realized you were not alone.

On top a large and extravagant bed a very scantily clad Raphael smirks at you, “A little lost mouse is running through the house. A thief in the night greedy, and here to take. Why are you here, little thief?”

Your eyes widened, you had only imagined what Raphael would look like with less clothes on, but you were not expecting this to happen so soon. You remember Korrrilla’s words. Something wasn’t quite right here. Your eyes narrow, “Raphael, as much as I enjoy you…showing off. Isn’t this a bit much?”

The devil laughs at you, “Raphael! Ha, no. I am Haarlep. Raphael’s personal incubus, glamoured to look like him. And you must be Tav, you know he talks about you quite a bit. You should hear how much he moans-”

“Ah!” You cut him off. “I do not need to know such things, yet. Even as much as I’d like to. Tell me Haarlep, would you be willing to give me information? I need to have the upper hand.” You tell him honestly, sensing you would not be able to lie to Haarlep.

Haarlep grins, leaning forward on the bed. Suddenly he is beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Oh little mouse, I think I have the perfect idea. A very delicious one.” His hand tightens around your waist and you shiver. “And I think you’d enjoy it, very much.”

Your composure is beginning to crumble as your cheeks become flushed. You can already feel your core clenching, your need building. Despite careful planning, you could not even imagine this. There was no way to account for it, perhaps this time you would give into your temptation. “Just what did you have in mind?” You look up at the much taller cambion.

“Well we fuck of course, in exchange I will tell you everything you desire. Don’t even try to say no, I know you want this Tav. You want a taste. But first you are wearing far too many clothes.” He eyes you.

“I-oh gods,” You groan. He was right, you could not say no. But you needed to have one thing, one ounce of control in a situation where you were largely powerless. You begin undoing the buckles of your shoes, thinking for a moment. You look up at the incubus, determination set hard in your gaze. “I will be on top, and don’t even try otherwise.”

Laughter fills your ears, “Little mouse, you are so very naughty. I can see why Raphael likes you.” He leers over you as you remove your shoes. His hand reaches to grab your chin, taloned thumb lightly pressing against your lips, “We will have so much fun together.”

The incubus watches you as the rest of your layers fall to the floor, eyeing your form hungrily. He circles you, tail brushing against your body. You shut your eyes tightly, fighting back a whimper. Control, you had to keep control. Deep down you knew you would lose in the end, and the thought of that was even more arousing.

Haarlep grabs your face, more gently then you would’ve thought. But his kiss is searing, passionate, as his forked tongue greedily tastes your sweet mouth. He even smelled like Raphael, you can’t help but moan as you breathe in his devilish musk.

You needed him so desperately, having hungered for him the moment you laid eyes on his true form. The incubus kissed you like your wildest fantasies. You would let him consume you. You could feel your cunt tingling, aching to be filled, to be touched.

Strong hands caress and mold you to their touch, any self control melting away. His touch lights you aflame. Haarlep groans into your ear, his breath hot.

In the material realm, Raphael bristles. Someone is using his incubus, someone who is very much not him. He could only think of very few who would be so bold. He narrows his eyes as he sips from his glass. He would have a few words for his pet, for disobeying his command. For you, for the fool who rejected and defied him, there would be hells to pay. “Excuse me,” He said to the mortal across the table. This business would have to wait.

He feels the phantom of his hands against soft curves, it makes him terribly angry. It was chaos. This was not Raphael’s plan, he would not be easily bested. He would not be denied, you were his prey. His little mouse, not to be toyed with by his incubus.

As he marches down to his nearest portal, he suddenly stops as he feels soft hands grasp his hardening cock. “You naughty, naughty thing.” He groans.

Despite all his decorum, Raphael was quickly losing his composure. The touch, so slight and not nearly enough, would drive him to madness. Finding a darkened alley he ducked into it, leaning against a wall. Just once, he would allow himself to enjoy the phantom sensations.

He felt shame at how easily he crumbled, you held so much power over him. You were the key to his glory, to his rule of the hells. He did not ever think he would be so smitten with a mere mortal, and a tease at that. Always careful evading his grasp. He felt a hot tongue slide up the underside of his cock, and he had to quickly cover his mouth to stifle the curse.

Such a naughty little mouse. Why did you have to defy him so? You had to know how this would end, with the claw. Now lips were wrapping around his length, hot mouth sucking him in earnest. He could almost feel the back of your throat. This was more than just Haarlep seducing you, the way those soft hands touched him. You wanted this. He needed to believe that, the thought of it made him throb, his balls feeling tight.

Patience, he would make you his soon enough. A delightful thing to sit on his lap while he becomes king, to amuse and to satisfy his desires. To kneel and to beg for him, to scream his name with filthy obscenities. Yes, he would break you down so sweetly and destroy you, remake you, and perfect you.

Your chest heaved as you broke away from a breath stealing kiss, attempting and failing to push Haarlep away. “Y-you must-get on the bed, remember. Remember what you promised.”

Haarlep pouted at you, “Are you sure that is what you wish little mouse? I could have you on your hands and knees, and we could rut like savage beasts. I know you would enjoy it.”

Oh gods, he would be the death of you. The both of them would. “I can’t-not this time.” You shook your head.

“Alright, but do not come crying to me when Raphael collects his due. He will chase you to the ends of the realm.” Haarlep warns. He knew his master well, and while he was eager to be a part of your little game, he knew what it took to make him fall apart. Raphael would not take too kindly to being bested by what was to be his conquest, his ultimate victory.

Slowly he made his way to the bed, laying and displaying his body to your hungry gaze. Haarlep was not used to being on the bottom. But he supposed this could be fun, he couldn’t wait to feel how Raphael reacted to Tav’s audacity.

Raphael felt soft thighs straddle his, “No.” He all but growled. You would not dare.

His balance wavered, his knees buckling as he felt your hot cunt slide over his cock. He needed-he needed more. Hells, he was acting like a common whore! The indignation. He fisted his hardness tightly, unable to resist pleasuring himself with his own hand. It had been ages since he had done this, touched himself like a desperate, perverted-fuck. You would be his undoing.

“Tav,” He whispered your name into the night like a prayer. He could only imagine what your body looked like riding his cock, your perfect tits bouncing as you moaned. He felt the barest trace of your hot mouth against him, and he at last submitted to the feeling. Submitted to you. He felt his orgasm come on suddenly, his seed spilling onto his hand and his pants ruined.

But you kept going, milking his cock. Another wave of pleasure hit him, if he didn’t get out of this alleyway he would soon become a writhing mess. And he hated mess, detested it. No, Raphael focused on his anger. He was so furious. Enraged that his pet had tasted you first, that you had dared to sneak into his house like a filthy rat, that you continued to defy him still.

He all but runs to the portal, still with the feeling of your hot little body against his. He could still win, he could still find the path to triumph. He needed to know what to say to you when he caught you, but the words seemed to be failing him. His mind whirled with thoughts of revenge for your contemptuous acts. It was not over, little mouse. He would have you.

Notes: Maybe its my christian upbringing, maybe I have a thing for monsters. But after seriously enjoying some Raphael fan fiction I have been wanting more of it so I decided fuck it, we're writing fanfic again after a few years of hiatus totally unrelated to my previous fandom. (I do also love Gale and Astorian and the rest of the weirdos). I'm too lazy to change the looks of this blog so I probably won't, but you can also find me on AO3. Very brief editing because I have to cook dinner, so apologies in advance

#baldur's gate 3 #raphael #raphael baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 fanfiction #raphael x tav #raphael x reader #raphael x you

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because-i-am-barely-even-human · 17 days ago

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I feel like I'm at standstill waiting for you to tell me I'm ok

If time heals, tell me why do I kill myself

Tryna show you I'm not a mistake

«It's okay. You don't have to stop.»

I've got qualities that I'm not proud of

«I'm the first chimera, it's the coyote part you don't notice.»

***

– You have the entitlement and narcissism typical of your generation. In that, you are a profound success. But, your failure taught us one thing... the banality of evil. That you were and would always be an ordinary evil.

– You think I'm ordinary?

– We believed that to resurrect the perfect killer, we had to start with the perfect evil. From you, we learned true evil only comes by corrupting something truly good.

I've had days I feel I don't deserve love

– Where's my sister?

– You killed her, remember?

***

«Someone who's willing to walk into the woods in the middle of the night to protect his friends. I don't have anyone like that.»

So think what you think, just don't call me a

Mistake, might of made some

Can't argue with that, but I ain't one

«A werewolf's eyes are suppose to change color when you take an innocent life. Do these look blue to you? It was self defense.»

***

– I kept Scott out of your way. I did everything you wanted.

– Inconsequential.

– You promised me a pack.

– We promised you nothing

Sometimes I think

I might be a lost cause

– Failure Theo Raeken.

– I'm not-... I'm not a failure.

You'd think I'm mental

«Yeah, I was nine years old, I also believed that a guy in a red suit came down the chimney to deliver presents. So when three people in leather masks showed up and said that my sister wanted me to have her heart, I believed them too.»

***

– I'm fine. Just thought I was somewhere else for a second.

– Where?

– In a bad dream.

I pursue what I love and if it goes

South and falls down just know

I'll stand on my own two feet

– Look, I'm not dying for you.

– I'm not dying for you either. But I will fight with you.

***

– What are you doing?

– Being the bait.

– No!

Don't you get confused

Thinking if you

Bring me down I'ma just choose

To let myself get used

– If I let you out and I see any behavior that I find remotely suspicious, I'll put so many bullets in your head, God won't even recognize you.

– I'm an atheist. Fire at will.

Cross my path, especially with ill intent

You'll regret you ever took that task

«Sooner or later, physical pain, it's... it's manageable. See, real pain is emotional pain. That is the kind of pain that lasts. And if you want to cause Stilinski that devastating, soul-crushing emotional pain? You don't go after him. You go after someone he loves.»

I feel trapped

I might lash out

I gotta watch my back

«You! You're going first. That's the only reason I'm with you. Because while they're busy wrapping a whip around your neck, or shooting a hole in your head, I'll be running the other direction. I'm on your side as long it helps me.»

#theo raeken #teen wolf #theo raeken aesthetic #dark #werecoyote theo #chimera theo #music quotes #teen wolf quotes #implied thiam

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cosmicangel888 · 2 years ago

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discerning a healing connection or a traumatic one - you choose 5D Healing & Expansion

No one's job to change anyone or heal them or make them nice and make them kind or caring or responsible = that is their job -

Your job is to love yourself and make way for your own life - allow others to be who they are - you get to be you for you - you make you happy for you - you have free will to choose you over anyone that treats themselves and all others with disrespect -

there are infinite paths and spirit will always place new energy before you to learn and grow and equally be loved - all must take accountability and all must want to heal and do the work - false flames, karmics are those that bring you as much pain until you wish to reclaim your energy and strength and power and light to step up and love yourself anew -

youtube

Heed the red flags and heed the call of spirit -

Those that have been doing the work for some time will be called for greater soul service, diving deeper in the mysteries of life, all creation and placed on the fast-track of leadership and healing; we are here to help our collective in divine blessings of anew; begin now - you are worthy of self love and self design - love is!

Trust spirit will always bring you what you are vibrating at and know there will always always be offers - you are never stuck - it is perspective and patterns - wounds not being healed -

What is your own value and love for you - worthiness and standards - all have a choice - rely and wait for none to make your life right - that is your job and bless all for the lessons they teach you to return within

True souls counterparts will not intentionally harm and abuse you again and infinite times - forgive all and move on - recognize what is abuse - you are not here to change anyone - that is their role and job - discern what is dysfunctional and self love is the only path to greater cycles - send all away to do their own inner work and empower all to reach out and make anew - paths are unique and each have unique timing and work -

All will be doing their own work - that is the only way to - KNOW THYSELF - all have everything within to heal -

all is possible,

Celebrate the moving on and levelling up - all deserve to be liberated and free from all and any bondage.

Those that play games on any others path, interference and blockage or shadow banning any other to selfishly gain, those that use manipulation to take, confuse and steal from others will absolutely see, feel, and experience their own return intention - for you and for all to co-create -

These are the stories I portended years ago on my own offerings and many other light workers, and such the hiding, the masks, the scheming all will fall and all will be rebuild with higher integrity by and with those that are truthful humanitarians and how all is purposeful - all have to face the truth - break all illusions of falseness and superficial pains, trauma and dramas that us away from spirit within - there is only spirit alignment - ©

I believe in the human spirit and what is possible of the Alliance with Light - All is possible - Right Use of Will - Release the wounding and baggage - allow new to take place - you cannot allow the new if you are pulling on the past - cut cords and stories and release to God, God will help you for God sees and knows all purity of heart intention and those that seek to gain a free ride, deceive and have no care about the pain and damage caused - true healing is within first - not simply chasing what you now know is a better deal - that is opportunistic and not truly healing- release and let go - new will be

I get to choose who I am, and none have power over me to direct my path, to take from me, and to spoil the truth and purity of who I am with their intentions, mental manipulations and ways to control and dictate outcome and narratives - there is no coming back and there is no reconciling of what I do not want - what was was and there is no coming back from the disrepair of what occurred - there is simply no return of such - I forgive you and move on; there is no return. Forgive yourself and heal - God, spirit, your own guides are you portal to healing.

I know, I experienced every intention and spell cast - and it is done. Period - and I will seek further protection and assistance - what has been said and what was offered in the years offered by spirit to make it right and all was blasphemed and ignored to feed your own arrogance and ego - I know the damage done - So let me heal and carry on - move on.

The dopplegangers, the takers, you are not me, you will not take and no longer pull at me - you are banned and blocked - heed spirit and surrender - done is done - heed spirit and heal. Leave all alone and stay to your own path and lane - thus then you will ensure your karma is clear - the past is done and leave me be.

The forgiveness and acceptance is to know you have been played and taken from you and no matter how many times you called it, you got played and taken from to as deep and as high as much trauma and loss - so forgive yourself for being abused and allowing it at some level - some play on the vulnerability and emotions and some do it very well and simply do not care about their reckless choices and or careless ways - all is purposeful for our greater discernment and learning and forgiving;

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True soul counterparts will not abuse such divine engagement and when it is not aligned - it is not aligned - all have free will to choose - celebrate the endings -

And those that play in such energies and games and I will call in when I see, and hear it - are playing deeply in misguidedness of universal workings, God, Source, their own higher self and the laws of return and balance - and will absolutely feel every ounce of bondage they spell and pay for or intend to any other -

And so be it

Truth is and truth will always be - all are responsible for within

Blessings and light

Joanna

More on Creational Realities; Paradigms Shifting of Consciousness ~ Perfection of the Divine Plan for all life; For private sessions, webinars, classes or consulting ~

Email me at [email protected]

Human - omni- evolution, re-writing all aspects of our co-creative experiences through love, light, harmony of all that is sacred, always been sacred; World Ascension Healing Classes, Intuitive Sessions, Healing Sessions, Ascension Books, Healing Systems, 5D human-socio-altruistic re-write ~

DONATIONS - see our PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss

PATREON new community link ~ for monthly subscribers; https://patreon.com/JoannaGalacticTut... * [email protected] For our Tumblr Blog and weekly Ascension Posts

#ascension

#healinghumanity

#ascensionbooks

#healingourchildren

Heal thy wounds, so they do not become another's ~ crime and violence is not necessary - all is within - the Alliance with Light

Blessings be the grace of Creation - amen

#Youtube

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astronumerology · 2 years ago

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Chiron in Sagittarius

Chiron in Sagittarius - The Would Of Meaning

Wounds That Come From A Lost Sense Of The Meaning

People who have Chiron in Sagittarius struggle in finding purpose in life, understanding its meaning, and believing in God.

They are usually immersed in a constant quest to find their position in this world since this Chiron injury can bring a lost feeling of significance.

They seldom have certain beliefs in things, and that's the reason this Chiron position is so difficult and difficult.

They are able to doubt their own self, the world and the others among them.

the Wounds Of Beliefs

It is very common for people who have Chiron in Sagittarius to be atheists, and not to participate in any religion.

We all have the right to be believers in whatever we like but the problem for you is your choice to not be a believer in anything.

It is usually not your decision, but being restricted from believing and belief due to the Chiron wound.

It is difficult to believe in "Higher forces" or the potential of the Universe or the realm of the spiritual.

Sagittarius is an sign which has a deep connection with the spiritual world However, Chiron in Sagittarius will be quite the opposite. You have not at all or much faith in what isn't seen or explained.

This is why a lot of people who have Chiron in Sagittarius opt for to pursue a career in sciences.

Fear Of Commitment

The same as Sagittarius you want to live your life completely free from everyone and anything. You avoid taking responsibility and you let very few people depend on you.

Not only that you don't have confidence in and count on others however, they are unable to depend on you and be a trusted them either.

It's destructive and harmful in regards to your relationships with those around you. In reality, you're worried about relationships, relatives, friends, and even a steady job.

You believe that you'd be unable to live your life in freedom if you take on anything in your life. That is why you can spend your whole life living like a loner, suffering through the pain of emptiness this kind of life can cause.

How To Heal Chiron Thermoporosis Sagittarius?

Chiron-related wounds are not an easy and straightforward healing process, but it can be done. It is impossible to escape the pain since it is likely to come back stronger and more difficult. However, when we recognize and accept our wounds, even though Chiron may cause us to suffer but we also realize that it can provide a positive influence on our lives as it provides the Chiron healing gifts.

Chiron Healing Gifts

Every time you defeat your own pain, you take a step towards learning.

Every lesson is an Chiron healing gift, which can simplify your life and make it more rewarding.

But, Chiron's healing abilities are meant to be shared with the world. You heal yourself first, then you assist others in healing too.

This is the goal of the Chiron wound, and that is the reason we call it"Wounded Healer" "Wounded Healer".

You'll Never Lose Faith

We all have the right trust in whatever we choose, and it's normal to be a bit shaky in times of hardship, to lose our faith even for a brief moment.

What you can count on as the most powerful healing gift is your power to never lose hope and faith after you heal your wounds.

You're able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And even in the absence of anyone who believes in you, you are the one that believes in yourself, and that will be the biggest lesson!

People need a person similar to you because you won't allow them to let go of hope and life.

You are a true illustration of how life can be hard and difficult, but you must fight and endure throughout the process.

This is among the most humble gifts Chiron can give to a person.

You Can Never Lose Your Freedom

Once you face up with your fear of commitment you know that being in a relationship with someone does not make you feel like you're losing your freedom.

In fact, you'll achieve even more freedom as well as more experience since now you're with someone else to explore and search the world together with you.

Being in a relationship in your life doesn't limit your options or cause you to be poorer, in fact, it can make you richer.

Life Is A Journey

Your focus was always on your destination, however your Chiron healing abilities have shown you that life is a process.

We grow older, and having constant things in our life gives us the sense of purpose and belonging.

Your wild spirit can't be tamed by a system of creating and building a stable life, but can only heal you because you create lasting memories that will keep to remind you of how far you've come in life.

You don't need all the answers because it's enough to understand your place in the world and purpose in this lifetime.

You'll always live your life like Sagittarians do, in search of your next adventure But this time, the absence of fear has given you more freedom.

You can handle responsibilities and focus on education as well as work, art, or anything that will make you feel satisfied and happy.

Free Of Guilt

Your Chiron wound is healed when you are completely free of guilt in living your life the way you want to live it.

You shouldn't be hiding and running You are ready to accept the consequences and push the boundaries.

Your Chiron Healing gifts can help you teach other people how to live their life free of guilt and blame since it is at last, your satisfaction is what counts and you don't need to justify it.

youtube

#chiron in sagittarius #Youtube

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lilysdaydreams · 4 years ago

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Praise Bingus (No fucking way)

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don't think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Angst and fluff. (FLUFF IS COMING I SWEAR)

→ Words: 3.9k

→ In a world where everyone is born with a mark on their wrist, two souls come together over the power of bingus.

→ (this isnt crack lol)

→ Warnings: Lots of swearing, um self-depreciation? rejection (kinda) and negative thoughts overall. Sorry im new to warnings.

→ Authors Note: this is the first time im doing like angst so please tell me if I did well? Um also, I’ve already started on the part 2 so keep your eyes out for that. If you wanna be tagged for part two please comment and lemme know. Also check out my other fics if you want!

→ Buy me a coffee

Part two →

~~~

Soulmates were a phenomenon. They'd been there for ages, drawn into the Egyptian tomb paintings, seen in the cave paintings from millions of years ago, talked about in stories passed down from generation to generation. They could be matching drawings, first words, names; all black before the soulmates met and turning gold the moment they talked to each other. There wasn't a scientist in the world who could explain the phenomenon.

You'd received your mark at birth just like everyone else, a sentence running around your wrist,

"No fucking way."

Your parents weren't that happy when you asked at the age of 4 what "fucking" meant but it wasn't that bad. You were happy that you had something unique, something other than the "Hi," or "Excuse me," that was on every other arm.

When you were 13, a little girl on the train pointed to your wrist and asked her mom what it meant. Ever since then, you'd taken to wearing bracelets over it. This had turned out to be a good idea because a few years later you started making Youtube videos. At the age of 16, you started a Youtube channel where you focused on a variety of things; makeup, fashion, games, art, skits and a whole lot more.

At the age of 20, you had a steady following of a little more than a million subscribers, and you had moved to LA to be closer to all your Youtube friends. You hadn't just grown on Youtube, you'd also started a lot of side projects. You were known for the art that you did on the side, along with the makeup palette you'd come out with a year ago. Soon you were planning to release a merch collection, one that you had been working on for a whole year now.

You hadn't met your soulmate at this point but honestly, you didn't really mind. Balancing Youtube and study (along with all your other side projects) was hard. There was no need to add the struggle of love into it... Or that's what you told yourself anyways.

There were days though, days where you wished you had someone to hug, someone to cuddle in bed with, someone to go on long walks with. You didn't let yourself wallow on it that long though. Crying about it was gonna do absolutely nothing.

It started on a rainy day. The story of you and him. You were editing your soon to be uploaded video, an e-girl outfits lookbook, which had been requested by your followers. Your personal style was all over the place and your previous soft girl and cottage care look books had done well, so you decided to continue the series.

You eyes blurred as you looked at the same point of the video, and you sighed, removing your glasses and rubbing your eyes. Your editor was sick and had let you know that they wouldn't be able to edit it by the deadline so here you were, editing it yourself. You stretched in your chair letting out a yawn. You were contemplating on whether to make coffee or not when your phone pinged.

"Nooooo" you whined when you noticed it was on the coffee table that was just a little out of your reach. Stretching your foot out, you tried to grab it between your toes and then sighed when the phone fell.

"I have zero luck, I swear" you muttered to yourself, bending to pick up the phone.

The text was from Rae, asking you to join a game of Among Us. You and Rae had been friends for a bit now, which all started when she came across your art and decided to order something from you. You had chatted and clicked immediately, immediately becoming fast friends. Ever since the lockdown started, she often asked you to join in on Among us games and your friendship had really grown over these past few months.

You sent a quick "sure!" and then went to your table, waiting for the PC to turn on. Quickly tweeting out that you were streaming, you opened up Youtube and turned on the stream, saying a quick hello and letting them know what you'd be doing.

"Rae just invited me guys, I don't really know who's there," you mumbled, replying to a comment asking you who you were playing with.

You squinted your eyes, joining the voice chat and then opening your phone camera to quickly check that you didn't look horrible. Sure you didn't really care about how you looked but it was always good to check that you didn't have anything stuck between your teeth before you turned on the camera.

There was already a conversation going on, between who you thought was Corpse and Sykkuno, judging by their voices.

"Yeah I could totally do that. Get a cat and name it Bingus. I wonder if th-"

You gasped when you heard what they were talking about and unmuted yourself immediately yelling "PRAISE LORD BINGUS" and effectively shocking everyone in the chat.

A moment of silence and then Rae yelled: "OH MY FUCKING GOD Y/N, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME."

You giggled as everyone groaned and whined, saying hi as they realised who it was. You had played with Sykkuno and the others a few times before but you'd never met Corpse before. You'd heard his voice though, as he was trending on twitter constantly over the past few weeks. Once they all quietened down, you realised Corpse hadn't said anything. Since you knew everyone else in the lobby, you introduced yourself, wondering if you'd scared him a bit too hard.

"Hey Corpse, I'm Y/N from Y/C/N, its so nice to finally meet you," you said gritting your teeth at you awkward introduction. For a second there was no response and then three words were said that made your jaw drop to the floor.

"No fucking way"

He had whispered it, obviously still in shock, and your eyes widened in surprise as a tingle spread all over your body. So this was what everyone meant by "you'll just know," when you asked them about how you would recognize your soulmate.

"Holy shit" you thought frozen in your seat.

Never had you been more glad that you hadn't turned the camera on yet.

"Uhhhh-" you started, but stopped now knowing what to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to do now.

"Wha- Whats wrong?" Rae asked after a moment passed.

Corpse cleared his throat and started "Its um, shes my -" and you cut him off, heart beating in your chest.

"Nothing. Its nothing." you said talking over him. "Who else are we waiting for Rae?" you asked joining the lobby quickly and choosing red as your colour.

"Uh one more person," she said slowly, still a bit confused.

"Oh awesome!" you said fake enthusiasm prevalent in your voice. "So Sykkuno," you started, wanting to keep the conversation going. "How's Bimbus doing?"

Sykkuno launched into a story of Bimbus and you blew out a sigh of relief, mind still numb over the revelation.

Corpse was your soulmate.

The guy who had literally went viral the past few weeks was your soulmate.

You'd finally found him.

You heard Rae cut Sykkuno off, telling everyone she was starting the game and muttered a "Thank god" when the words "CREWMATE" appeared on your screen. You would not have been able to play imposter at the moment, your mind pretty much stuck on the fact that Corpse was your fucking soulmate.

Heading down to admin, you realised you hadn't said anything yet to the stream so you quickly turned on your cam, saying a quick sorry to the viewers.

"Sorry guys, I forgot to put the camera on," you smiled focusing on card swipe.

"I hope everyone's been okay, I know this was quite sudden, but Rae invited me and I was like why not you know," you said rambling as you moved to comms and did the task there.

Lights were called and you moved to electrical, arriving there just as Leslie fixed them. You moved into the back of electrical doing the three tasks you had there when Sykkuno suddenly came in and went straight to standing on top of the vent.

You giggled already knowing his trick.

"Okay guys," you mumbled watching Sykkuno wiggle on the vent. "do we trust Sykkuno or not?"

"You know what," you said making a split second decision. "Its the first game, we might as well."

Joining him on the vent, you stilled for a second and then breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't automatically kill you.

"See, what did I tell you guys huh?" you question smiling straight at the camera. "I knew Sykkuno could be trusted."

You decided to follow Sykkuno going into reactor with him and starting 'Simon says' and just as you were on the last part, a body was found making you let a whine out.

"Guysss," you whined to the camera as Rae started talking about how she had found Daves body in admin.

"Um, I havent been in admin since the start of the game," you said, "also I can clear Sykkuno, for the last part of the round, he's been with me since lights went out."

Sykkuno confirmed it, "Yup that's right, also I can hard clear Y/N cuz guess what? She stood on the vent with me and none of us died."

Everyone chuckled as he said "Thats good enough for me."

"Uh, I was in navigation mostly." said Lily.

"Poki, can I just ask what you were doing?" said Sean, an undercurrent of mirth present.

"Me?" asked Poki speaking for the first time. "What was I doing?"

"You weren't doing any tasks, you were literally just walking from one side of medbay to the other when I peeked in."

Poki started laughing, trying to get her words out at the same time.

"Okay so-" a giggle. "okay okay- I was just, I was trying to um do the beep test," she said finally breaking down and making everyone else laugh as well.

"What the fuck?" you said, laughing at the image in your mind.

"My chat told me to do it last game so I decided to do it now, I was literally just playing around," she said finally, adding "I swear I'm not imposter" at the end.

"Hmmm," you hummed, bringing a hand up to stroke your chin. "Are you sure it was last game Poki... hm...."

Giggling at Poki indignant "YES it was last game", you quickly skipped voting like everyone else as the timer went into the last ten seconds.

Humming a tune under your breath, you went back to reactor, taking a minute to carefully do Simon says and then moved to the other task counting out one two three as you pressed on the numbers. Humming, you moved out of reactor, only to come face to face with Corpse. You paused for a second, and then moved ahead, refusing to show anything on camera. For some reason he followed you as you went to storage, looking at you while you did the trash.

"Why is he just staring?" you mumbled, biting your lip. God, you really didn't wanna think of him right now. You started walking to shields, him still walking with you when lights were called and not a second later a body was reported.

Suddenly there was screaming your ears as Toast and Rae both started accusing each other.

"Wait- Wait WAIT" yelled Poki trying to get them to stop. "What happened?"

"I'll explain" declared Rae, not letting toast get a word in. "We were in navigation okay, me, Toast and Leslie. Lights went out, and suddenly a report buttons there. It's either Toast or someone came in just as lights went out and killed but that doesn't seem likely because I didn't see anyone anywhere near us at all. Anyways I'm fucking telling the truth guys, its Toast, he's the one who did it."

"Toast, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Corpse, his voice making your insides shiver.

"Holy shit, this is my soulmate", you thought for the fiftieth time.

"Uh yeah," replied toast. "I didn't do it."

Everyone laughed as he continued.

"Like seriously, I wouldn't do anything like this because it'd be a stupid move from my own part, and I think Raes smart enough to not do this as well. I think someone else came in just as lights went down and killed immediately, which to be honest, was pretty smart of them."

"Okay so I can clear Corpse," you cut in noticing the timer was close. "he was with me in weapons when it happened, he wouldn't have had time to go all the way up, or even vent there because we were literally walking in."

"Yup that's right," confirmed corpse.

"I'm in cafeteria" said Poki.

"Yeah, I saw her on my way to weapons," said Sykkuno, "and I'm in weapons right now,"

"I'm in lower engine" said Sean, and Lily said she was in reactor.

"I think it's Toast," you mumbled and then rose your voice to talk over everyone. "Look okay fine, maybe he said it was a stupid move and he wouldn't do it but maybe he did it for that exact reason. He thought he could get away with it because no one would expect him to do something like that."

As the timer started going down by 10, you voted for Toast and it turned out 3 had skipped the vote while five had voted for him.

damn.

"Guys you actually voted for him?" you said in a high voice, re-enacting one of Sykkunos most said lines.

You heard a "oh for gods sake" from Rae before everyone went silent and you giggled as you moved back down to weapons to do your tasks.

You finished all your tasks and decided to go to security to check where everyone is. Humming as you moved through the electrical hallway, you narrowed your eyes as Corpse came out of electrical and went towards storage. Quickly ducking in you didn't see a body so you headed back out, going into cams and gasping as you saw the body. Reporting immediately you were shocked to see the four kills that had happened. Now only you, Corpse, Sean and Rae were left.

"Oh my god," you mumbled confused. Either there were still two imposters, and Toast wasn't the imposter or the imposter literally killed and did nothing else. Now either that could mean that its definitely Rae if Toast wasn't the imposter, or that it was Corpse as the only imposter left. That was a bit weird though becuase he could have totally killed you at the start of the game. You didn't suspect Sean at all.

"What the fuck?" mumbled Corpse, and Rae made her animal noises expressing her shock.

"Okay," you said taking charge and relaying the kill and your theory to everyone. "So either it was Toast and there's only one other imposter, who is Corpse. Or Toast wasn't an imposter and there's two of them left. I-" you took a deep breath in at the end, very confused. " I don't know anymore,"

"I think its Corpse as well,"

Corpse who hadn't said anything up till this moment suddenly started stammering out "hey-hey uh let-lets not gang up on me okay. It's not-"

"No, wait, its because Y/N said you came out of electrical right, and I saw you in upper engine literally a bit ago and you went down. I went towards cafeteria so I don't know exactly where you went but its totally possible that you killed."

You voted form him after that, convinced it was Corpse, and the other followed quickly.

"Guys what the fuck, at least give me a chance to explain my self" he whined when his body was thrown off the ship seconds later. You cheered when the "VICTORY" sign was displayed across the screen, bringing up your chat and laughing at Toast as he pretended to be angry at me.

"That was a great round, good work Y/N"

"Thankyou" you mumbled staring at your chat. You were confused when you saw the absolute influx of messages on there, and you were barely able to read them because they were going so fast. You scrolled up, and read through the few of the messages;

"You've made corpse sad."

"Corpse has literally been so quite since you came in, can you leave."

"Omg stop with the hate messages, its not her fault if corpse isn't talking to you"

"are you his ex or something? What was that reaction at the start?"

"what did you do? Corpse literally hasn't said a word since you came in."

"Um..."

Corpse POV

Corpses heart stopped for a minute, his breath catching. The words on his wrist glowed gold, and he stared at the little red character standing there.

This person was the reason that he had "PRAISE BINGUS" stretched across his wrist.

They were the only reason that he had searched "Bingus" on google for all of his life. The only reason Corpse knew about the meme before anyone else was because he was constantly monitoring the word online. Ever since March, he had been waiting with bated breath, anxious that he could meet his soulmate at any moment. and here you were.

For some reason, he had never expected that he would meet you in among us, or while he was on stream. He always thought it'd be someone outside. It was a bit stupid in hindsight as all he did nowadays was play among us.

He heard you introduce yourself to him but the only thing that came out of his mouth was “No fucking way”.

Immediately after he wanted to slap himself.

“Idiot” he thought to himself. “At least try to make a good impression.”

When Rae asked what was wrong, heat sprung to his cheeks as he started revealing that they were soulmates, but Y/N cut him off, saying that it was nothing.

Corpse’s heart sank a little then.

'Maybe she’s just a private person,' he reasoned with himself.

'I shouldn’t have tried to say it on stream either. God, I’m a fucking idiot, if I said it, literally everyone would know and not only would I have hated the attention, she probabaly would have as well.'

Convincing himself that she was right, he reassured himself that it wasn’t because of him. She wasn’t revealing it because she probably didn't want all the attention.

For some reason though, his heart sank even more when Y/N didnt talk to him, instead talking to sykkuno about his dog. Like sure he could understand not wanting to reveal they were soulmates but shouldn’t she at least wanna talk to him? At this point he wouldn’t even mind if she talked about his voice like everyone else.

He groaned when the word "Imposter" came across his screen, his and Toasts character standing together. He was not in the right mindset right now to be able to be a good imposter. Breathing in deeply he continued in the game, with the first round passing by quick. The second round, he saw Y/N and stood with her for a bit wondering if he should kill her. Her red character moved to weapons and he sighed moving the mouse over the kill button. Just as he was thinking of clicking a body was found. Corpse swore as Toast flew off the ship. Deciding he needed to speed it up he killed four people in the round, hissing when the meeting was called. The moment Y/N accused him, he knew it was over. He didn't even bother defending himself much, just hoping the game would end soon.

When they were in the lobby, he quickly told everyone that he was going to leave because his internet was acting up. Turning off the stream after saying a quick thank you to everyone, he leaned back in his seat breathing through his nose.

What the fuck was his life.

Even his soulmate didnt want him. Honestly, he should have expected this. Abandoned at 12 with no one around him, why did his expect his soulmate to even give a fuck about him. Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked trying to get rid of them. He breathed in deeply, grabbing the water on the table and taking a big gulp. He had never hated himself more than he did right now. Why couldnt he have an easier life.

“Why cant I just fucking be NORMAL” he yelled throwing the empty bottle of water at the wall.

Throwing himself into bed, he scrunched up his eyes, hoping that sleep would come today, not noticing as his phone lit up with a single message.

Your POV

You stayed for another game and then ducked out apologizing and making an excuse up.

"Sorry it was such a short stream, everyone," you said pouting at the camera. "It was fun though so hopefully I get to do it again." Waving goodbye, you turned off the camera and leaned your head back staring at the ceiling.

What the actual fuck.

Grabbing your phone, you stared at it for a bit. Everything that you had pushed to the back of your mind in the game, was suddenly in the forefront.

The only thing you knew about Corpse was that he had a really deep voice, he narrated horror movies, and he maybe did music?

'Rae mentioned that once right?' you thought to yourself.

You unlocked the phone and then locked it again, too scared to actually do anything.

Unlocked.

Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked.

"Oh get a grip," you muttered to yourself, opening the phone and sending a text to Rae.

‘Hey Rae, do you have corpses number? Do you mind sending it to me, I need to tell him something.’

A reply came in a minute,

‘umm, why. he's pretty private so idk i don't rlly wanna give his number if he doesn't want someone to have it’

You sighed, and decided you might as well tell her. You knew Rae wouldn't betray your trust.

‘He's my soulmate’

Immediately a ‘AHDJHAKJKAGDAK’ came as a reply and you giggled at the string of emojis after it.

‘Don't tell anyone,’ you sent quickly, trying to calm her down.

‘Okay okay, its XXX - XXX - XXXX, ASHAGDH IM DYING OMG. GO TALK TO HIM.’

Biting your lip you added Corpse into your contacts hesitating before putting a small black heart next to his name.

"Already simping," you mumbled under your breath, hands hovering over the keyboard as you struggled to think of what to write.

You finally decided on 'Hey, its Y/N, can I call?' thinking that something short would be the best way to go. Hand hovering over the send button, you sucked in a breath and pressed it, waiting with bated breath.

A minute passed.

And then five.

And then, without you even you realising, it'd been half an hour of you just looking at your phone.

An hour later, you were slumped on your desk, eyes closed and snoring lightly, the phone still open, the message you sent lighting up the screen.

tbc.

#corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse fic #sykkuno #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband headcannons #corpse husband one shot #lilydaydreamsfics

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amor-immortalem · 3 years ago

Text

An Alternate Path

Genre: Angst

A/N: Originally this was supposed to be a two-part mini fic but people asked about a part three. I wasn’t sure where else to exactly go from there since the end of the second part felt so final for me. But then, inspired by a comment on the 2nd part, I began to think about how it would have gone if Arella hadn’t been revived with Mammon’s blood. Think of this as the bad end to the AU. This is the final part.

obviously spoilers for the lesson 16 incident and for lesson 50 (i think… correct me if Im wrong)

Replaced part 1

The Good/True End

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He sits in his room starting at the dried blood on his hands, heart aching from the loss of his mate. It had only been mere hours since Barbatos had taken her body to prepare for funeral rites but to the Avatar of Greed, it had felt like centuries. Why? He’s asked himself this question over and over. Why didn’t you check on her sooner? Why didn’t you call or text? Why didn’t you notice? Why didn’t you feel something was wrong through your pact?

As much as he wants to, Mammon has no more tears left to cry. His human is gone, never to return and it was the fault of him and his brother. He should have been there sooner. Should have reminded her how much he cared. Should have done a lot of things. He had every opportunity to, but he squandered all of it.

He rakes his hands through his hair as they whys replay in his head. The demon doesn’t have an answer for them- none that would satisfy them, at least. He lets out a yell as grief turns to rage and nothing of value is spared from his violence. Items and trinkets knock from their shelves, furniture overturned, by time the second-born was done, his room looked like a war zone.

It’s only then that Mammon collapses to his knees and lets out a broken wail as he can hear the restless cawing of his crows outside.

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Levi is alone in his room, having shut himself away hours ago. Laying in his bathtub bed, the Avatar of Envy loses himself to his thoughts and the view of the water above him. He can’t help but think about what would have happened if he had put his foot down when Asmo approached him to recruit him in helping his little matchmaking plan for Melissa and Satan.

And then his thoughts focus in on the other human. If she had never come, if they had never welcomed her into their lives through the exchange programme... Arella would still be alive. She’d still be sitting here, playing video games and helping him decide which anime he should choose to watch when there was a conflict of time slots. They’d still be talking about their Husbandos and Waifus just as they always had. But she’s not here. She never will be anymore. All because he didn’t have the spine to act like the older brother and tell Asmo no. Because he allowed his younger brother to monopolize his time.

His best friend is gone and he was part of the problem that led up to that. Levi has never felt so much self-hatred before and, just like with Lilith, he doesn’t know how to come to terms with the loss of another person so dear to him. For now, he’ll just lay here and waste away like the filthy, yucky otaku he is, wishing there was a way he could go back and undo it all or hoping that this was all just some horrible nightmare that his brain has conjured up.

“She’ll be back in the morning... right? She’s just sleeping over at the castle, right?!”

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Beel just eats. He eats and eats and eats to make the pain go away but just like his endless hunger, the pain never stops. He feels so empty inside that the only other option is to gorge himself until he physically can’t hold it anymore and vomits before he goes back for more until the cycle repeats and he runs out of food. The loss of their favorite human is killing him now- the grief of it squeezing his heart like an anaconda.

If he would have just gone to invite her to that new café she had wanted to visit with him only an hour sooner, this could have been stopped. But he didn’t. He didn’t and that’s what cuts deepest. He should have noticed when she stopped coming to dinner, or skipping breakfast, or not joining the student council for lunch day after day. He should have realized something was wrong then. But he chose to ignore it, thinking it was just one of those ‘moods’ Arella had told him about human women experiencing at certain times of the month. He thought he was helping by giving her space these last few weeks but Beel knows now that he was dead wrong.

Who would be his food buddy now? Who would let him drag them all over town in order to try out restaurant after restaurant, café and café? Sure, he had Belphie to take with him but his younger twin never really showed the same excitement when it came to trying out all the different food and drink options on the menu. The demon doesn’t realize he’s crying until the tear drops hit his hands. She only needed one of them to take a moment to see her and none of them could be bothered do just that.

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Belphegor only wants to sleep. He wants to sleep and never wake up again. In his dreams is where Arella is, happy, smiling, laughing. That laugh will haunt his waking moments forever as he realizes that for the second time, the Avatar of Sloth has caused her death. Belphie was only one of two brothers who rejected Asmo when they asked him to help with that damn plan of his. It had been too long since he and Arella had napped together after school or plotted something with Satan as part of the Anti-Lucifer league. How he missed those days.

He can feel the tears pool in his eyes as he curls up into a ball on the bed in the attic. He wonders if he had just stayed up here forever instead of trying to trick Arella into setting him free, would this hole in his chest disappear? As he buries his face into the body pillow Arella had gifted him for his birthday this year, he cries himself to sleep- indulges himself in all the good memories they had made together after she had forgiven him for everything he had done to her.

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Asmodeus is lost. They stare and stare at their skincare products trying to will themself to start their nightly skincare routine. How could they have been so foolish? The passage of time is so different to humans than it is to demons. They had only meant to take a month to match Satan and Melissa up so how had it turned to eleven already?! The Avatar of Lust wants to scream. Both at themself and no one at all. Hot tears still sting their eyes as they shapeshift. They change and they change and they change forms- any number of features forming and then shifting away as they try to find a look that they won’t recognize themself in but it doesn’t work. Asmo’s not able to look themself in the mirror for the rest of the night as they just crash down on their bed. They want to mark up their beautiful body into some hideous to match the feelings crushing their heart. Asmo wants to do something- anything- to themself to experience even a fraction of the pain Arella must have felt but all the demon feels now is just hollowness.

Their phone is vibrating on the bed next to them- a call from Solomon. No doubt he could feel Asmo’s distress through the pact they share but the Avatar of Lust is too tired from hours of ugly crying and most certainly not in the mood to speak to anyone- pact master or otherwise. The phone goes unanswered.

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Satan has his head buried in the books. He’s been at this for hours- there must be a way to bring her back to them! Melissa is with him, bringing whatever books he asks for in his search as she too is eager to bring the lost human back to this plane of existence. There was so much they wanted to do with her. From watching cheesy mystery dramas together to forming a small book club consisting of just the three of them, none of that would come to pass now.

As book after book turns up dead ends, the demon just buries his head in his hands. It feels pointless now. Who was he to play God with life and death? The thought of never seeing his friend alive once more is enough to break the Avatar of Wrath as his shoulders shake with violent sobs. He wants to go on a rampage- destroy the whole city but what would that fix? It certainly wouldn’t bring her back.

As the demon continues to cry, Melissa only wraps her arms around him and he returns the gesture. She runs her fingers through his blonde hair in an effort to calm him and it seems to work, if only for a little while. She pulls a chair up to sit next to him as she holds his hand in hers.

“Tell me about your favorite memories with her,” They girl begins, “We can’t undo what was done, but we can keep her memory alive by sharing the good times.”

And so, they talk late into the night, Satan smiling at all the memories of Arella that he holds close to his heart.

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“Hi this is Arella! I’m sorry I can’t get to the phone right now but leave a message after the beep.... Beeeeeeeeeep”

The sound of his brother’s laughter followed by Mammon calling Arella a dork in the background can be heard at the end of the greeting on her D.D.D.’s voicemail. The Avatar of Pride can only smile with tear-stained cheeks. He was beyond intoxicated, having just finished his fourth bottle of demonus for the night. He can feel the anguish his brothers have been going through all night and it only makes his sorrow deeper.

When Arella first arrived, all Lucifer cared about was keeping her alive long enough to make it through the year. She was unimportant to him outside of the viability of the exchange programme. Back then, he would have laughed at himself for the state he was in currently. She was just a human. Why did it matter if she lived or died if it didn’t affect the exchange programme?

But she wasn’t just a human. She was their human. She was special to him. And now she was gone. There was no second chance. There would be no merging of timelines to keep her alive. Fate was cruel, but sometimes Diavolo could be crueler.

Lucifer knew his longtime friend had a reason for this. He was teaching the brothers a lesson with her death. As much as it hurt now to lose another part of this family, things would get easier as the years went on regardless of how horribly they all would miss her. This was a lesson he and his brothers would not soon forget.

Cracking open his fifth bottle of demonus, the first-born scrolls through devilgram, saving pictures on her profile to be used in the memorial service. One of Arella with each of his brothers and himself and multiple pictures she’d taken with all eight of them from their adventures throughout the years that they’d all been together.

He lets his mind wander back over the last eleven months. All the red flags he had missed with his rose-colored glasses. They all made sense to him now. All the time she spent isolating herself from them, skipping meals, leaving either incredibly early for school or incredibly late for school. She was trying to get them to notice her over Melissa. He regrets their last interaction from a few months back. The way there had clearly been something wrong, yet he chose to lecture her about attending RAD on time as to not disgrace Diavolo. How he wishes he could take it back.

As the only brother save for Belphegor not conscripted to help Asmo in his ridiculous plan, Lucifer should have been the first to reach out to her. He may have been buried under paperwork, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t just sit and talk while he worked. He regrets not calling or checking up on her.

A video plays on her devilgram. It was from one of the nights they had spent up in the human world last summer.

“Awww, come one, Lucifer. It won’t be that bad. We’ll have those flowers from the fairy rings and make it back in one piece. I promise to keep Mammon under control so we won’t cause any trouble.”

The Avatar of Pride clicks out of the app as he feels more tears gather in his eyes. He can’t do this right now. Not tonight.

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Her service was beautiful- Or at least that’s what Lucifer tells Mammon as he and the rest of their brothers return home. Mammon wanted to go, he really did, but with it only being a few days removed from her death, the second-born couldn’t bring himself to go. It wasn’t because he didn’t love her or didn’t want to celebrate his mate’s life but it was still far too painful for him.

Part of him was still in denial over it too. Somehow, he’d managed to convince himself that she wasn’t gone. She was just stuck up in the human world and had forgotten her D.D.D here so he couldn’t call her. The logical side of him knew it wasn’t the case and every time he was reminded of it, it threw the Avatar of Greed into a deeper pit of despair. He’d spent some nights since she’d passed alone, crying himself to sleep begging for his human to come back to him others he would just lie awake, tracing over where her mark from their pact had been etched into his chest, set right over his heart.

Suddenly years have gone by now. His brothers have made peace with her passing but Mammon cannot. Visiting her grave never helps to ease the pain either, but still he goes. If Arella’s spirit still lingers, no doubt she would be upset if he didn’t go. It would only serve to prove her dying thoughts true when they couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“Hey, Treasure... Miss me?” There’s no one here but Mammon and a tombstone. “I miss you... everyday... So much changes every year... Both Asmo, Levi, ‘n Satan got kids now... little girls for them and Levi has a boy...” He pauses to take a shuddering breath as the cold wind blows. “Can ya believe it? The first kids born ta this family and their both girls and then we got a boy... sweet little things too- alla ‘em. I wish ya coulda been there ta meet them... Actually, looking at my brothers with their kids, it makes me wonder what ours woulda been like, ya know? And I wish none of this woulda happened... you deserved so much better than me ‘n I knew that. We all knew that. But ya chose me anyway and look where it got ya... Six feet under... If I could go back and do it all over again I would. I woulda told ya what was goin’ on. I woulda spent more time with ya. I woulda... woulda proposed... made sure you knew how much I loved ya everyday... I know ya probably can’t hear me, but I’m so sorry... for everything! I love you so much that I can’t move on and I won’t. If I die single then that’s fine by me.”

As he cries, thinking he’s alone, Arella watches from her seat on her tombstone. None of the brothers knew it but she’d been watching all this time. It wasn’t until she passed that she realized how deep their feelings ran and part of her wishes she would have waited just a bit longer before leaving for the human world that night.

She tries her best to let them know she’s there- that she loves them and is watching over them with Lilith, but she’s not strong enough to do more than move small objects around. She hopes that they’d notice but they never do.

As she hops off of her tombstone, Arella crouches down next to her mate. The best she can do for him is conjure a warm breeze as her spirit leans over to press a kiss that he’ll never feel to his cheek. Upon the breeze, he can hear a soft whisper of a reply.

“I love you too.”

And it's that reply that reassures him she’s there and she always will be. He hopes maybe in another life they’ll meet again and get to have the happy ending they never got to have in this one.

------------------------------------------------------

taglist: @gayassfuckinghomosexual @joyvlee

find more on my masterlist

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hogwartsfirebolt · 3 years ago

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true things

a love story

It happened all at once. Saying it was unexpected would be a lie, but I was entirely unprepared for it, and that is a true thing. Recognizing truth is not within my abilities, I grew up learning the art of side-stepping and round-about conversation and it has left me with a lack of sense for truth, and a great many ways of dancing around it, so when my feelings for you became undeniable I did not quite understand the realness of them, could not see them even as they hit me square in the face.

I can pinpoint the moment they started, even though I didn’t become aware of them until much later, it was the 22nd of September and the air tasted of autumn and renewal and your lips of honey bread and lavender tea and we were behind your mother’s house and it was mid morning and I had just said terrible things about her not being your mother by blood and you knew, I suspect, that I was just trying to distract myself from the way you were looking at me, and I had to say it, didn’t I, had to tell you “god, will you stop looking at me like that”, affecting annoyance that was truly a whole lot of terror, but you didn’t stop looking at me like that, because you’ve never been one to listen when you’re told what to do, and instead you kissed me when I sure as hell didn’t deserve it, and that tore down the dam and the water came rushing through and that’s when they started.

It happened all at once.

Might’ve been that, had that been the only time, I could have gotten over it. Not immediately, of course, but after a few years and quite a bit of talking shit about you to my friends, I might think of you and not immediately associate you with the feeling of the wood against my back and the world between my fingers as you pushed me against the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house that first day of autumn and the unmatched (and, I’m sure, illegal in some areas) green of your irises and the sound of your laugh and the shape of your laugh and the taste of your laugh became things that I knew like my own mind.

Might’ve been, but we’ll never know, because I was deep into a friendship with your stupid best friend by then and was at your mother’s house every other Sunday and every other Sunday you would stare at me from the moment I stepped through that chipped yellow door and your eyes, which have never hidden a single thing in your 26 years, would zero in on my hair or the back of my hands or the scar beside my lip and then you would try to get me alone and I would refuse because I knew you were to become my ruin if I gave in, and already I would lose focus at work more often than not, thinking of that one kiss even as months passed, or of your eyes on me at brunch every other Sunday in your mother’s house or of the times you would brush past me while we helped carry food from the kitchen to the table or the single time I held a jug of hibiscus tea in my hands and my hair was all in my face and you pulled it back and tied it for me without a second thought. Already I could barely make it through my day by allowing myself to think of you only in small doses, which was increasingly more difficult as my repertoire of memories to choose from grew every other Sunday. I wonder how I didn’t realize then, but it took me months, still. Perhaps I thought being obsessed with you was simply something we all did. I’ve already said I’m particularly good at lying, even more so when it’s to myself.

Through all those brunches and all those looks and all that wondering about the freckles on your wrist and the dreams with your hands in my hair, it never occurred to me to wonder what you thought of me, why you’d kissed me that 22nd of September with honey bread and lavender lips, if you distracted yourself thinking of me like I distracted myself thinking of you. I never wondered, could only concern myself with my own overwhelming reactions to you every other Sunday and a hearty dose of self-loathing that I suspect convinced me that you were only aware of my existence as long as I was standing in front of you.

I’m one to turn inwards whenever I’m unsure, and so I think I might’ve come across as insular and aloof, which of course couldn’t be further from the truth, but I suppose you had no alternatives to think of when I avoided conversation with you at all costs and cut off all attempts to get me alone every other Sunday. I’m difficult almost by definition. Even when I began to understand, months after that one kiss against the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house, that you held a significant part of my heart, I could not bring myself to change anything at those brunches every other Sunday, was too scared to think of someone else having as much power over me as I knew I’d already given you without your knowledge.

The truth is that, at that point, there was nothing that would have kept me away from you, but as I’ve said, true things do not play to my strengths, and I kept pretending. The 22nd of September seemed far in the past, autumn danced its way into winter and she into spring and the narcissus by the shed in the backyard of your mother’s house bloomed beautifully before I showed up for brunch on a Sunday and it was just us two. You’d asked the rest to give you space, you explained, so you could talk to me. I don’t know how I didn’t bolt right then. That second kiss, the morning of the 16th of April, underneath the high arches separating the kitchen and the living room of your mother’s house, had me trembling from my toes to the tips of my hair and you said “shhh, shhh” and kissed your way down my cheekbones to my lips and I sure wanted to bolt right then, but not as sure as I wanted my feet to grow roots and keep me in that moment for as long as I lived.

You said “I’ve wanted you for so long” and my heart stopped because I knew you couldn’t mean it because how could you, when I am so difficult to want and never know what to say or when to stay or when to go, and that felt like an important truth but I wanted so badly to believe the lie that I kissed your honey and lavender lips and then between every other Sunday I would keep myself from thoughts of you only to melt against the shed behind your mother’s house every other Sunday with your lips on mine and your hands a heavy weight tracing over my skin in patterns I swore I could feel all through the week and when Summer came I learned what you looked like with grass stains on the knees of your jeans and I bit on my fist while you were getting those stains because I was scared of what my traitorous mouth would run with when you were allowed to unmake me in the way that you were at that moment and that’s when I told myself I did not deserve you but by hell I would still have you.

I became sure of my badness when I saw your goodness in childhood and I couldn’t let you let yourself have me without a warning and so I gave one, the next Sunday, under a heavy August rain and it was nearly going on a year since that first kiss and I had loved you all the way through and maybe before even that and I said to you that I am not meant to be loved and that all the ones who have loved me have been rotten and that I don’t know how to talk without poison and that I shoot to kill when I’m hurt and that I was the villain in the same story in which you were the hero and that people like me weren’t meant for people like you who deserve only the unbroken.

But your lips tasted of honey and lavender and rain and your name was fine-printed in every corner of my heart by then and even though my warning was full of true things, you asked if I trusted you and I said I did and you asked me to trust that you could tell the wrong sort by yourself.

Then I had you, and your honey and lavender lips and your unlawful green eyes and the shape of your laugh and your grass-stained knees and your heavy hands. And I always will.

This long-winded stream of consciousness came to me, much like Draco's feelings for Harry, all at once. It is an experiment with format that I really enjoyed. Thank you so much to @nv-md for stepping up at midnight and helping me make this weird baby make any sense ❤️

#drarry #drarry fic #draco malfoy #harry potter #mywriting #mine

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cinnamonest · 4 years ago

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Yandere HCs - Kaeya & Diluc

Kaeya Alberich

This man. This man is one of the best at manipulation and mind games. He can read people very well, just from spending some time around them, watching them, he can understand the kind of things that gets under their skin, the things that worry them, the things they're insecure about, and he knows exactly how to utilize that knowledge to his benefit, so subtly you'll never even realize it.

Among his many techniques of mental manipulation is his effect on your own self-perception, a careful form of gaslighting to make you completely dependent. In your case, he utilizes your foreign status - you don't understand the culture, so it only makes sense you wouldn't recognize that that guy you were talking to clearly had ill intentions, that that merchant was trying to scam you, that that bartender was trying to slip you something when you weren't looking, that that person you thought liked you actually finds you annoying, that they're signaling for you to leave. You're awful at reading the air, really, that's how the cultural difference works, but if you asked anyone else for help, well, they might just intentionally mislead you for their own amusement, you know? He's a trustworthy guy, he'll be like a guide for you, keep you safe.

Of course, he's a very busy man, so while he's working, it's probably better for you to stay indoors by yourself. You have to promise not to leave - after all, if he thinks you're out there, all by your naive self, he'll worry about you, and he might zone out and get hurt on a mission, all because of you, and you don't want that, right?

And while you might be excited to finally get to go out once he's back, when he comes through the door you see how exhausted he is, and he knows you're so sympathetic and selfless, you won't force him to go out when he's tired, you can just have a night in to yourselves. He's your friend, of course he wants to spend some time with you. That, and he's locked himself out of the knight headquarters again, and he doesn't want to wake them up, so he not-so-subtly tells you he needs a place to stay, sheepish smile, passed off as embarrassment over his forgetfulness - which is odd, since he never seems to be forgetful otherwise. He's like that - constantly just teetering on the edge of your kindness, testing the boundaries of how much you're willing to do for him, laughing as he promises to pay you back somehow.

He's got that laid back, confident air to him, and that contributes to how easily you trust him. It makes him one of least detectable yanderes you could have - he has a trained poker face and can keep his anger restrained with a smile, only making a slight passive aggressive comment to relieve any irritation. It takes a lot to get him to lash out, but one of the quickest ways to do so is get him concerned for your safety, or panicked if you can't be found. In moments like that, he's more likely to become moody and snap at you or others, but he'll calm down eventually and apologize, treating it as so trivial you can't help but feel like you overreacted to it. He keeps his cool very well, and recovers from outbursts very easily. The other way to irritate him is showing very blatant affection for someone else, initiating physical contact with them, etc. He's a little slower to recover from that, and might need to storm off to cool down, telling you you shouldn't be so stupid as to trust someone like that.

And don't think he won't degrade you - so subtly, he makes it clear how he sees you, and how you should be seeing yourself - naive, clueless, stupid even. Immature, you don't know how the real world works, you're just like a little kid when you get mad over the latest friend of yours he's passive-aggressively insulted. You're really lucky he puts up with your tantrums. You could stand to show some gratitude that he chooses to be forgiving.

He likes to think he isn't a jealous person, and that's true, but only externally. Inside, it's a slow burning feeling, one that eats away at him. He actually won't recognize it at first. He usually doesn't have reasons to be jealous - he's the one others are envious of, and he knows that. Once he recognizes the emotion, it only makes it worse, now irritated by the insult to his arrogance that someone so beneath him, as all your friends are, could incite such emotions, that he'd even worry if they might be better. Which is a ridiculous notion - he's the best at virtually everything, the most desirable person you'll ever meet. He tells himself you're just too nice, your attention too easy to capture.

But Kaeya won't kill anyone, no, at least not personally. He's definitely above that, as appealing as the idea may be, he tells himself that whoever has earned his wrath doesn't deserve the effort, doesn't deserve the honor of being killed by him. He can't stand the thought of stooping so low as to become a murderer.��

So instead, he'll use his authority to dispose of them. It's very unfortunate that you didn't notice your little friend was a criminal, didn't realize they were so violent that they'd rather die fighting than be arrested by knights. But he gets it, you're spacey, unaware, maybe a little dumb, even. Or perhaps it's a cultural difference yet again. You're just too easy to fool and deceive, this is exactly why you shouldn't wander around with people you can't trust - unlike him, someone with a reputation, an authority figure, the epitome of trustworthiness.

And finally... He is touchy. He is always finding some way to just sit on the border of normal touches, stopping short of anything you would actually feel justified in getting mad at him for. When you walk through a door, he presses your lower back to push you in. When you're drinking, he has his arm around your neck. When you say goodbye, he wraps you into face-to-face hugs and hangs on just a little too tight for just a little too long to be comfortable.

Diluc Ragnvindr

A very obvious yandere, really. Diluc is significantly less charismatic than Kaeya, but he's charming in his own little way. He's funny when he's not trying to be, taking everything way too seriously, saying unintentionally funny things with the most flat and neutral expression that makes you laugh even more.

He isn't the best with expressing his emotions, but also unlike Kaeya, he doesn't do a very good job at keeping them hidden, either. It comes out in awkward displays of affection and an intense protectiveness. He insists on paying for everything you do while in the region, will buy you random gifts, intending to give you them in person but ultimately leaving them outside your door, anonymously, hoping maybe you'd just conclude it was him and be grateful. His protectiveness is intense. He needs to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing, virtually every hour of the day. For your safety, of course. Still, the very fact that he shows such concern is a considerable contrast from his usual complete cold stoicism.

God forbid you hang out with someone sleazy and cunning and much better at the flirting thing than him like you-know-who. No, he'll make sure you keep a good distance from the knights, insisting to both anyone who asks as well as to himself that it's because of his distrust in their competence. They can't get the most basic of tasks done, why would he ever trust them to protect you?

He's significantly easier to piss off than other yans, and he lacks both the ability to keep a cool head or quickly backtrack the way some others would. He's not prone to violent outbursts, but if he's upset about something, you'll know it. The scowl on his face and the annoyance in his tone is as unrestrained as it is threatening.

Which, speaking of, will play a role in your interactions with him. He's the most threatening persona of the genshin boys, really, and can get a little frightening at times. He'll accompany you in your journeys, and should you encounter any human enemies, he'll treat them exactly the same as he would monster ones - merciless, brutal kills. He's so caught up in protective instinct that he doesn't really process how horrifying it is for you to watch, doesn't think about how it probably doesn't look too good for him to be chasing down a fleeing enemy or running a surrendering, begging criminal straight through with a sword. Should you have the courage to bring it up, and not be too afraid to even mention it, he might try to come up with some excuse, but it's more likely he'll be his bluntly honest self and say it was for your safety. He won't insist that you thank him the way the others might, but there's a clear edge to his tone that says you shouldn't question what he does for your sake.

His threatening nature is also beneficial when it comes to any potential rivals - sometimes he doesn't even need to have a private conversation, he just has to look at them, and they're running the other way.

It's not as insufferable and delusional as Kaeya's, but he's still got that prideful streak to him. Diluc doesn't go out of his way to show off or speak in such an arrogant, snide way like the other, his pride manifests differently - his generally cold demeanor contributes to an aloofness that speaks for itself. He's better than the others around him - and he believes that himself, mostly. Which is why seeing other people around you likewise irritates him. It's not so much that he deserves your attention, though, more than they're unworthy of it.

And that's one of the primary differences between him and Kaeya - Kaeya will, albeit subtly, demean you, belittle you, talk down to you like you're a silly child, he sees himself as above you, but Diluc will place you on a pedestal, see you as some perfect being that's constantly tainted by the presence of others. You deserve something perfect too, like himself. He won't pull the same attitude of making you feel unworthy, but rather try his best to make you understand how much more you do deserve.

If you should become wary around him, try to distance yourself, try to avoid him, he'll catch on. He's not very delusional, he's a more rational yandere that could understand why you might react that way. He's also one of the more guilty yanderes, doesn't want to do anything that would make you more upset, so he'll first try earning back your favor, make you smile at him again rather than looking away and seeming so nervous. He beats himself up mentally, tells himself it's his own fault, he's not one to blame you or another force. He knows he's not the most smooth or eloquent person, but he tries his best to apologize and win you back. It takes a lot for him to apologize to anyone, but he will do so surprisingly quickly for you.

If that doesn't work, however... He'll give you a set amount of time he's determined in his mind for you to come around, and if you don't... He'll still feel guilty, he'll say he's an awful person and apologize for what he'll do, but the guilt isn't strong enough to stop him from more forceful means of isolating you and getting your attention back. If you're especially good, though, he'll let you back outside. Eventually.

As for touchiness, he's very hesitant. It's not something he's used to, poor boy is very touch-starved. But once he does, it's an exhilarating thing, even just shaking your hand will have him spacing out for the rest of the day with the memory.

#yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere kaeya #yandere diluc

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 3 years ago

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I have a theodicy-adjacent question if that's alright. How can I offer prayers of thanksgiving without implying that God "likes me better" than They like other people? For example, I often want to thank God for keeping my loved ones safe through this pandemic, but it feels weird when so many have lost dear ones. I've learned a lot about how to wrestle with God through your ministry, but how to bring your positive feelings to God without toeing the line of a prosperity gospel-esque mindset?

Anon, I feel you! Some point a few years ago I had a similar unsettling realization. I knew that gratitude is important not only for our relationship with God, but for our psychological wellbeing — yet I felt so guilty for thanking God for things i knew others didn’t have. Did attributing the good things in my life to God imply that God wasn’t with those who lacked those good things?

I brought that guilt and discomfort to God (and still do, whenever it arises anew). asked Them to help me sit with it, accept it, and then transform it into something more fruitful.

guilt transformed to motivation. discomfort transformed to commitment. what i was left with was an understanding that i did not need to stop my prayers of thanksgiving, but to expand them.

i take time to really feel and express my gratitude for the abundance i experience. and then i ask God to help my gratitude move me to a desire for others to experience that abundance too. I ask for guidance in how i can help make that abundance happen in the the lives of those around me and far from me.

___

i also make time for lament. many of us are taught how to ask God for things and how to thank God for things, but grief and lament are not taught. however, thanksgiving and lament are not opposites, but work together. they enrich one another. we need to take time for both.

a book that helped me embrace lament was Barbara Brown Taylor’s Learning to Walk in the Dark. You can read quotes and whole passages from it in my tag over here.

one of my favorite songs/psalms to sing/pray in lament is this one. The psalmist empowers us to question God, to ask why and how and when? and then the psalmist leads us to praise God anyway — to praise in spite of and with our doubts and our questions.

when we look at all the pain in the world — in our own lives, the lives of loved ones, the lives of those we don’t even know, and in the struggling pulse of all Creation — we feel all sorts of things. Distress, despair, anger, grief. But some of us are afraid to bring those feelings to God. We’d rather avoid the feelings in general, repress them, not sit inside them for a while. (And certainly, we should not wallow in the bad all the time.) Bt when we dare to assign intentional time to sit in those feelings, God sits in them with us.

And there is a strange thanksgiving in there, too — that we aren’t alone in the lament. We come to see that it is true that God does not will suffering upon any one of us — that the fact that sometimes i experience blessing while you struggle, or you find success while i go without, is not because God is choosing which happy few to bless that day. God really does will abundant life for all, and grieves when sin (individual, systemic, the rot that eats at this world) blocks that abundance for anyone.

___

in continuing to make time to feel and express gratitude, and then to make time to lament and to both desire and participate in abundance for others, thanksgiving does not elevate me above others as “better” or “more blessed” than they are. instead, gratitude reminds me of how interconnected we are with one another. In the Body we all share, “If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Cor 12:26).

___

When abundance wins out in spite of sin, we rejoice! When it is we who enjoy that abundance, our gratitude should not lead to smugness or self-congratulations, but to humility. it should shape us, move us to bring similar abundance to others.

A book that has really helped me understand that concept is Robin Wall Kimmerer’s Braiding Sweetgrass (which you can read online for free).

Christian texts have told me that the appropriate response to all God’s gifts is gratitude, but it’s Kimmerer’s book that helped me digest and embody just what that means. We acknowledge abundance, and we use that gratitude to connect us to the giver, and to others to whom that giver would also share Their gift.

Here’s one passage from her chapter “The Gift of Strawberries,” starting on page 33 of the webpage linked above:

Even now, after more than fifty Strawberry Moons, finding a patch of wild strawberries still touches me with a sensation of surprise, a feeling of unworthiness and gratitude for the generosity and kindness that comes with an unexpected gift all wrapped in red and green. “Really? For me? Oh, you shouldn’t have.” After fifty years they still raise the question of how to respond to their generosity. Sometimes it feels like a silly question with a very simple answer: eat them.

But I know that someone else has wondered these same things. In our Creation stories the origin of strawberries is important. Skywoman’s beautiful daughter, whom she carried in her womb from Skyworld, grew on the good green earth, loving and loved by all the other beings. But tragedy befell her when she died giving birth to her twins, Flint and Sapling. Heartbroken, Skywoman buried her beloved daughter in the earth. Her final gifts, our most revered plants, grew from her body. The strawberry arose from her heart.

In Potawatomi, the strawberry is ode min, the heart berry. We recognize them as the leaders of the berries, the first to bear fruit.

Strawberries first shaped my view of a world full of gifts simply scattered at your feet. A gift comes to you through no action of your own, free, having moved toward you without your beckoning. It is not a reward; you cannot earn it, or call it to you, or even deserve it. And yet it appears. Your only role is to be open-eyed and present. Gifts exist in a realm of humility and mystery—as with random acts of kindness, we do not know their source.

...Gifts from the earth or from each other establish a particular relationship, an obligation of sorts to give, to receive, and to reciprocate. The field gave to us, we gave to my dad, and we tried to give back to the strawberries. When the berry season was done, the plants would send out slender red runners to make new plants.

Because I was fascinated by the way they would travel over the ground looking for good places to take root, I would weed out little patches of bare ground where the runners touched down. Sure enough, tiny little roots would emerge from the runner and by the end of the season there were even more plants, ready to bloom under the next Strawberry Moon. No person taught us this—the strawberries showed us. Because they had given us a gift, an ongoing relationship opened between us.

...It’s funny how the nature of an object—let’s say a strawberry or a pair of socks—is so changed by the way it has come into your hands, as a gift or as a commodity. The pair of wool socks that I buy at the store, red and gray striped, are warm and cozy. I might feel grateful for the sheep that made the wool and the worker who ran the knitting machine. I hope so. But I have no inherentobligation to those socks as a commodity, as private property. There is no bond beyond the politely exchanged “thank yous” with the clerk. I have paid for them and our reciprocity ended the minute I handed her the money. The exchange ends once parity has been established, an equal exchange. They become my property. I don’t write a thank-you note to JCPenney.

But what if those very same socks, red and gray striped, were knitted by my grandmother and given to me as a gift? That changes everything. A gift creates ongoing relationship. I will write a thank-you note. I will take good care of them and if I am a very gracious grandchild I’ll wear them when she visits even if I don’t like them. When it’s her birthday, I will surely make her a gift in return. As the scholar and writer Lewis Hyde notes, “It is the cardinal difference between gift and commodity exchange that a gift establishes a feeling-bond between two people.”

That is the fundamental nature of gifts: they move, and their value increases with their passage. The fields made a gift of berries to us and we made a gift of them to our father. The more something is shared, the greater its value becomes. This is hard to grasp for societies steeped in notions of private property, where others are, by definition, excluded from sharing. Practices such as posting land against trespass, for example, are expected and accepted in a property economy but are unacceptable in an economy where land is seen as a gift to all.

Lewis Hyde wonderfully illustrates this dissonance in his exploration of the “Indian giver.” This expression, used negatively today as a pejorative for someone who gives something and then wants to have it back, actually derives from a fascinating cross- cultural misinterpretation between an indigenous culture operating in a gift economy and a colonial culture predicated on the concept of private property. When gifts were given to the settlers by the Native inhabitants, the recipients understood that they were valuable and were intended to be retained. Giving them away would have been an affront. But the indigenous people understood the value of the gift to be based in reciprocity and would be affronted if the gifts did not circulate back to them.

Many of our ancient teachings counsel that whatever we have been given is supposed to be given away again. From the viewpoint of a private property economy, the “gift” is deemed to be “free” because we obtain it free of charge, at no cost. But in the gift economy, gifts are not free. The essence of the gift is that it creates a set of relationships. The currency of a gift economy is, at its root, reciprocity. In Western thinking, private land is understood to be a “bundle of rights,” whereas in a gift economy property has a “bundle of responsibilities” attached.

...

In material fact, Strawberries belong only to themselves. The exchange relationships we choose determine whether we share them as a common gift or sell them as a private commodity. A great deal rests on that choice.

For the greater part of human history, and in places in the world today, common resources were the rule. But some invented a different story, a social construct in which everything is a commodity to be bought and sold. The market economy story has spread like wildfire, with uneven results for human well-being and devastation for the natural world. But it is just a story we have told ourselves and we are free to tell another, to reclaim the old one.

One of these stories sustains the living systems on which we depend. One of these stories opens the way to living in gratitude and amazement at the richness and generosity of the world. One of these stories asks us to bestow our own gifts in kind, to celebrate our kinship with the world. We can choose. If all the world is a commodity, how poor we grow. When all the world is a gift in motion, how wealthy we become.

#gratitude #prayer tag #prayers of thanksgiving #prayers of lament #thanksgiving #lament #pandemic mention #braiding sweetgrass

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k-renne · 1 year ago

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The Last Supper pt II

Previously

Summary: Down comes the claw. Raphael (the bottom) gets his much deserved revenge on Tav for wronging him with some help from Haarlep. Pretty much all nsfw, readers be warned.

The house was just like you remembered it, in all its grandeur and gaudy design. Raphael was truly dramatic. You waltzed through the hall, debtors paying you little mind.

The dwarf Korrilla however, did recognize you. “Interesting seeing you here, after rejecting Raphael’s deal. And all by yourself, just what do you intend to do Tav?” She eyed you questioningly.

Your eyes twinkle with mischief. “I am here on personal business, you see my companions don’t exactly approve of dealings with devils.” You crossed your arms.

Korrilla laughed, “He is not home, but he will be very happy to see you, if not surprised. But, may I give some advice?”

“If you wish,” You replied.

Strong hands caress and mold you to their touch, any self control melting away. His touch lights you aflame. Haarlep groans into your ear, his breath hot.

As he marches down to his nearest portal, he suddenly stops as he feels soft hands grasp his hardening cock. “You naughty, naughty thing.” He groans.

Your chest heaved as you broke away from a breath stealing kiss, attempting and failing to push Haarlep away. “Y-you must-get on the bed, remember. Remember what you promised.”

Haarlep pouted at you, “Are you sure that is what you wish little mouse? I could have you on your hands and knees, and we could rut like savage beasts. I know you would enjoy it.”

Oh gods, he would be the death of you. The both of them would. “I can’t-not this time.” You shook your head.

Raphael felt soft thighs straddle his, “No.” He all but growled. You would not dare.

Notes: Thanks for reading guys! Lmk what you think, you can also find me on AO3. Wish I had more time to write to flesh this part out a bit more but unfortunately I do not. Appreciate all of you who liked and reblogged the last chapter, I feel so grateful to you all. You can also find me on AO3

#bg3 fanfic #raphael x tav #raphael bg3

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moonbaby26 · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Rare Company

Pairing: Loki x Goddess!Reader

Summary: Story set nearer the Viking Age. You were a Greek sea goddess who crossed paths with the god of mischief. Continuation from previous chapter. Several days after your initial meeting, Loki returns allowing some unexpected time together. And spurring you to wonder what could become of this, as well as trying to address what your own feelings might be for this new god.

Warnings: None, just fluff this chapter.

Chapters: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Taglist: @rosaline-black , @lawfeys

My Masterlist

——————————

Things had fallen back into routine after a while. Even if you still caught yourself daydreaming from time to time. You had imagined working up the nerve to ask your father for permission to visit Asgard. No one from your family had in ages from all you could tell, and what an act of diplomacy that could be.

Instead of roaming far and wide as you normally would, you had more kept to these southern seas as well. That little voice inside you wondering if Loki would return. The forest nymphs had delivered word to your sea nymphs that he had departed back through what you now knew as the bifrost the very same day you had met him.

He’d only lingered a couple more hours they’d said, seemingly in thought within the forest before he’d called out for the bridge to reopen and had disappeared the same strange way he’d come.

You had taken the form of a dolphin today, idly swimming around the fishing boats you’d come upon in open water. They should know you symbolized luck. And if they seemed grateful, you’d gladly chase more fish into their nets in your boredom.

But it was then that another group of dolphins appeared, though you recognized them instantly for the nymphs that they were.

Excitedly they darted around you.

“He’s back, that prince of Asgard! And he calls for you, milady!”

The shock had been immense. You really hadn’t known if he would return. But you’d hoped, hadn’t you? And now he was actually asking for you by name.

Of course you must go to him. You were a goddess of your word after all.

———————————

And he was at the same beach you’d been on the first day he’d appeared. Through father’s magic, you could travel the hidden currents of the deep ocean, being wherever you needed to be within minutes rather than hours or the days that it would have taken mortals.

You swam slower though as you neared the shore, still underwater as you’d taken your spear from one of the nymphs once more. He was still a stranger to you after all. Though maybe that would change? It was hard to say why he really would have returned again.

There was a nervousness that was so foreign to you as you finally swam shallow enough to stand up and begin to walk from the waters. The gills on your neck that only opened when you were under for any real length of time, now dissolved back into smooth skin as the dry air reached you.

Your dress clung to your wet body as well, far more sheer in the sunlight, and for a moment you wondered if Asgardian culture was more modest in the view of their own bodies or not. You couldn’t remember reading about that.

Hopefully he would not think it obscene. But as you made eye contact with him, you really could read nothing in his gaze. Only his body language looked impatient as he sat in the weak shade of a tree long gnarled by the ocean’s winds.

You bowed lightly in greeting as you stopped before him, even though you still held your spear upright in one hand. “Prince Loki of Asgard, I am pleased to see you again.”

You did notice that fleeting look through his eyes at that, as if he was once again trying to decide your sincerity.

“You think me a fool, don’t you?” Was what he finally said though. Not quite as cutting in tone as the other day however, but still very guarded.

You straightened at the accusation, though curious to his point.

But he continued before you could respond. “You are no minor goddess, (Y/N) of the sea,” He repeated, seeming to mock your wording from your last meeting. “I read more on your kind once I returned to Asgard. Care to introduce yourself with less deception this time?”

You smiled before you could help yourself. So you were the deceptive one? When the very first time you’d ever laid eyes on him, it had only been a false image. What a strange choice of words.

But had he really done the same thing you had then? Gone home and studied you? Was he annoyed that there would be any subject he knew so little about? You wanted to know if your own studying had been enough though, as this time you answered him in the language of the Asgardians, or what you hoped was at least close enough to be intelligible.

“I did not lie to you. I am the daughter of the sea. Because my father is the sea...Poseidon, king of the sea, and god of the oceans, earthquakes, storms, and horses.” Which yes, made you a princess you supposed, niece of Zeus, and sibling and cousin to so many others in the pantheon of gods and goddesses that was the Olympus royal family.

His eyebrows raised a little as his own language came off your tongue. But you could see it would still take far more for him to really show himself impressed even as a slight smirk did cross his face for the very first time. “Your intonation still needs much work, goddess. We can keep to Greek for now.”

True, beginning to learn a new language just through the written word was far different than actually hearing it spoken. “I haven’t had much time to study since you first came.” You smiled back. “I did try.”

“Clearly.” He answered, though still seeming to be just the slightest amused you thought.

“So is that the only reason you have returned? To chide me for not announcing myself a king’s daughter?” You asked, but trying not to sound as curious as you truly were.

He did pause a moment, but you were realizing that seldom did he find himself without quick words. “Partly I suppose.” He responded. “But you also said that I was now a guest here. Unless that hospitality has been revoked, I am choosing to take more time from Asgard in a place where I will not be bothered.”

So he still was mostly wanting solitude after all then? Though slightly disappointing, you knew it was something you could well understand. You wondered if his family could be as chaotic as your own. “This is a good place for it then. To not be bothered I mean. And yes, I stand by my offer of your being a guest here.”

After waiting this many days you really would have preferred to be in his presence more than a few moments. But it would be rude to impose yourself as well. “I will leave you to yourself then.” You spoke, already resigning your own self to likely the rest of the day alone as a shark or a dolphin. Well, maybe something that could dive even deeper. You now felt like going lay in a trench somewhere actually.

“Wait.”

The call back surprised you, even as it had sounded more like a command, pausing your rising disappointment as you glanced back over your shoulder.

“I had actually intended just to read today. But as you evidently have been reading at times as well, unlike so many others I know-” There seemed to be quite a bit of resentment to whomever he was referring to there, “I could be inclined to return to Asgard briefly and fetch some books from our library for you as well if you would like to read with me.”

You stared at the abrupt invitation. Did he really mean for you to sit with him, reading together then? So he was not entirely averse to your presence any longer?

Your silent stare only had him keep talking as if he thought he might need to further persuade you though. “I am sure you would get a far more accurate representation of Asgardian culture and history from our own authors, rather than whatever it was you had clumsily dug up here.”

The air of superiority had returned to his tone as he’d mentioned their writers of course, but he was likely right. If you wanted to read about Asgard, what better source than from the Asgardians themselves?

“I would appreciate that very much,” You said truthfully, albeit still with some surprise.

“Then it is done.” He said decisively, then standing to walk back to the forest.

“Loki,” you called before you could stop yourself though. You also realized it was the first time you had said his name this informally. You paused, unsure if this was something he generally allowed or not.

But when he looked back at you, you saw no anger in his eyes. He looked a little caught off guard himself, but only for the briefest moment.

“I...” You tried to not lose your nerve. “May I follow you? Not to Asgard of course,” You clarified quickly. There were far too many protocols that could be broken there, “But close enough to see the bifrost open? I’ve never seen it.”

He hesitated to consider your request. You supposed any good steward of their kingdom would. But even if you were trying some attempt at subterfuge and intended to force your way to Asgard, what threat could a single Olympian really pose? Especially only a water goddess at that.

He must have agreed you were no real threat either as he finally nodded, motioning for you to follow him.

And once you had reached that clearing again, this time you were close enough to see the symbols his last entrances had cut into the ground. Such a unique way to travel you thought.

But you were smart enough to still keep your distance as you did back back away as you saw him look to the sky.

“Heimdall!” He called. “Open the bifrost, I need to return!” He said in his own language.

For a moment nothing happened, but then the birds began to fly as the trees shook in the growing wind. You could just see the sky, a swirl of clouds beginning before a light as bright as any of Zeus’ lightning bolts erupted down with that boom you had heard before. Loki disappeared into the light, the wind whipping all around you before the bifrost vanished back into those clouds just as suddenly and there was silence again.

“Amazing,” you breathed, just to yourself and any still lingering animals that may have heard you.

—————————-

It felt like far longer than it really was you were sure. Your anticipation just stretching out the minutes as you’d waited for his return.

But when he did come back, in all the same dramatics as his exit with the bifrost opening, then closing to leave him there again in the clearing, he now had a satchel of several books.

You assumed Asgard may be a good deal cooler in temperature than your sandy beaches for as much of him that was covered in clothing. So you tried to help find the best shade that you could, and with an unblocked pass for the cool ocean breeze as you sat together beneath more trees.

“I’ve put a spell on these to make them waterproof,” He commented, “Though do still take care, some of these are from Father’s personal collection.”

“That’s practical,” You admitted, not at all offended, but awed really that he would bring such rare items for your viewing.

It was a bit of a slow go for you though, everything being written in the Asgardian language. But you were happy to find that you could understand enough with some effort, and that the gist of the stories and the histories being told were still coming across to you.

You weren’t sure how many hours the two of you sat that way. Every now and again you could see one of the sea nymphs peeking out from where the waves were breaking, keeping a curious eye on the two of you.

Eventually it was him that finally closed the last book he had been working through though. “I suppose I should return.” He said.

You were gentle with the book you still had, closing it as well as you handed it back to him. You felt as if you should say something more, but a simple, “Thank you,” was all that really came to mind in this moment.

He quieted though, looking out to the sun, now low over the darkening ocean. “It is not as fully terrible here in Midgard as I first assumed.”

You chuckled, how often would he make a habit of these insults? “I suppose any place can have its good qualities.”

But you badly wanted to ask him what had brought him here in the first place then. If he was to come to the mortal realm, wouldn’t it have made more sense to stay to the north where he was already legend? Why come here to the lands of the Olympians?

“You do have a way of staring through a person when you’re curious about something. You realize this don’t you?” He asked you in return though, just observing your features then.

You blinked, genuinely wondering if he possessed telepathy and you hadn’t known it.

“You’re looking at me in the same way as when you wanted to see the bifrost. So what do you wish to know of Asgard that could not be found in those books?”

You hesitated. He was still a god after all, and you knew how fickle they could be. You didn’t wish to anger him with your nosiness, but it would also be rude to ignore such a direct question.

“Well...I’m wondering why you came to our land to begin with. No Asgardians have set foot here in many ages from what I can discern. Why would you be so different?”

“You think me different?” He responded immediately though. Concerning you actually, before he scoffed, “Then you are intelligent. I am nothing like those I came here to seek relief from. My fool brother and his equally boorish companions.”

“Thor?” You asked innocently enough.

But the look he gave you as that name came off your lips would have been far answer enough before it became the key that opened the gates.

“He has been completely insufferable since Father bequeathed him Mjolnir!” You could see Loki’s jaw tightening slightly, the frustrated expression growing and so similar to that angered one you remembered on his illusion’s face that first day in the clearing, when it’d been pacing and cursing.

“Is that what happened recently?” You asked reflexively, but still believing that you already had the answer.

“Oh, he’s been using the hammer for years of course. Yet it always belonged to Asgard, not him. A relic of our realm. But now it is truly his per Father’s public declaration. Thor’s hammer,” He mocked, “Worthy to the one who will one day succeed Odin to take the throne. Father has now cast Thor as his official heir in our people’s eyes with this blunder.”

You remained quiet to digest the information he was providing you. So Loki felt slighted, no disgusted actually to learn the throne was seemingly all but promised to his brother now. So had he really already had that high of expectations for it?

“I guess Asgard and Olympus aren’t so different after all,” You finally mused, though trying to keep your tone even rather than sounding patronizing. “I mean, Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon. Our three kings, they overthrew their father Cronus and locked him in Tartarus to claim rule. Admittedly Cronus had eaten Hades, Poseidon, and their other siblings previously though.”

Loki stared at you and you just smiled oddly then. “My family has not always been on the best terms with each other either.”

“Your grandfather ate your father?” Loki asked as if to reaffirm the insanity he’d just heard. “I thought that was just a myth.”

“No, father has the scars still,” You admitted. “Cronus devoured his children as he didn’t want anyone to succeed him. But my grandmother Rhea, she hid Zeus away when he was born. And Zeus forced Cronus to regurgitate the others later.”

“Ugh,” Loki said, making a face.

You laughed, glad you seemed to at least get his mind off of Thor for the moment. “That all happened ages before I was born though. Luckily it’s now more frowned upon to treat your children in such a manner. Those were the old ways.”

“And you do have many siblings don’t you?” He questioned. “I read the Olympians were quite, how should I say, prolific in their child bearing.”

“Truth I’m afraid. Which is why I like to keep to the seas rather than Father’s palace or Mount Olympus. At least you only have one Thor, rather than a dozen.”

“Gods,” Loki spoke, the evident horror in that thought too much to contemplate seriously.

But you were just smiling again, realizing how much the ice had finally been broken to even be having this type of conversation right now. You were honestly enjoying the back and forth. It would be a shame to not do this again sometime.

And you had to try and convey that, at least somewhat if you could. You didn’t know how many other chances you would have. “Before you go...I did mean it, Loki, when I said you were welcome as a guest here. You can always come back when you need a little hideaway from whatever transpires to irk you in Asgard.”

He stared at you again then. It troubled you though of how little you seemed to be able read him at times. As if he could just cast a curtain between you whenever he wished.

“Perhaps I just may.” Loki said at last though with little emotion, then finally standing now and collecting his satchel of books.

It was only then that you really realized how dark it had already gotten with the sun now setting. And you caught yourself admiring him a little in the red and purple hues now coming from the sky. He really was so different than the gods you’d known before. Should you say something more?

As you stood as well, picking your spear back up from the sands, you saw several nymphs quickly sink back down into the surf, pretending as if they were not also very interested in how else you may say goodbye to him.

“You must not often entertain guests,” Loki spoke though, evidently having noticed your audience as well even as he began to walk away from you.

“Not men,” You answered honestly, though pausing as you realized how that really sounded. You continued though, not sure if you were making things sound worse or better. “Mostly we stay at sea. And I have no interest in unwashed sailors.”

But he stopped at that before entering the forest. He posed such a simple question to you then, although one that could mean so much more. “Yet you have interest in me?”

You felt as if you’d been hit in the chest at his words. Said quietly even as you saw his blue eyes on you once more, analyzing...waiting.

But how could one word have so many meanings? Interest as in he was just a curiosity, a strange foreigner to study like some new sea creature you had found? Or interest like a friend, to read together and talk and vent on the very particular family aspects you shared just as you’d done today?

Or...and this was surely the most disconcerting of all, interest as in how he could feel if you were allowed to touch him? How he would taste if you could kiss him? Your kind took lovers frequently. That should be no secret to him or anyone else. But just because other gods and goddesses of Olympus bedded one another left and right, it didn’t mean you did.

But did he you wondered? Did he have his choice of consorts at his palace, a full court always vying for his attentions to try and pull themselves further up the social ladder via way of his bed? Surely he would, wouldn’t he?

Yet your hesitation in answering was enough to indict you of your own desires you feared. Surely if he meant little, that would have been an easy response. To think on it this long, just made your confession for you didn’t it?

You took a breath, trying to remind yourself that you should fear no man. On a whim you could transform into a great shark and consume any prey, you could move the waters themselves, wreck ships, destroy harbors should you truly wish to. These were the gifts given to you from your father.

You were a goddess after all, not just an enamored young woman. And all you could do was speak the truth. “I do have interest in you, Loki.” You finally answered. “But to what path that will take is highly dependent on your own desires I’m sure. I know nothing of Asgardian preferences when it comes to choosing who to court, if at all.”

He had only been looking at you before, but now turned to fully face you. Unlike yourself, it seemed he had no problem in finding words though. “Your beauty is not something rare in Asgard, that is true.” He said, yet continuing before you could feel that as too harsh a barb, “But your mind, your ability, and even your desire to learn of what is outside your own world, that may be something wholly more compelling.”

Yet this didn’t sound like something that should be considered rare to you, or enough to set you apart at all you thought. And he seemed to read this disbelief clearly on your face as he then admonished you for it.

“You think I exaggerate? That even one of those vapid headed children could sit still for more than an hour without having to go break something or fight someone to prove their worth? Or that any other would sit here with me as you have done today and it not be just farce to try and get closer to my brother or to get in Odin’s favor?”

So you had been right on one thing at least. The Asgardian court did have its share of social climbers then. Maybe in this you could finally see some weight to his words. Because what did you care of such things? Your father was already a king. You did not need to seduce a prince to find anything in your life that you could not have by birthright already.

But if this was his way of admitting he at least approved of your company, it still didn’t clarify as to what all he really wanted from you.

“Well, I still leave the decision as yours. You know how to find me should you be willing to see me again. If you bring books, I will read with you. If you only want an ear to listen, I will do so. And if you desire for more...we can address that as we come to it.” You said, in what you hoped was a mature sounding way to deal with these burgeoning feelings.

“Very well.” He answered too simply though. And you were sure you saw some enjoyment in his eyes as your expression showed you were left a bit unsatisfied by that. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

And it was night by then, the fresh stars now fully surpassing the light from the fading sun. You stayed on the beach this time though, watching him disappear into the wooded hillside.

In not too much time, you then heard the boom that signaled the bifrost’s open and close and you knew that he was gone.

————————————

(Continued in next chapter here)

#loki x you #loki x reader #loki x original female character #loki x oc #loki x y/n #loki #loki odison x reader #loki layfeyson x reader #loki layfeyson imagine #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki fandom #loki imagine

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cosmicangel888 · 2 years ago

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Conduits, Empaths; Self Healing - BE NEW 2023

Anything that is draining your soul - let it go

Your health is everything - cells require light for this ascension and love, compassion, gentleness, self care and being with nature is how we return to spirit -

Letting go of superficial addictions, people and behaviours that block light - the cells, are the essence of light, breath, DNA that sparks when you have healed and shown yourself enough love and joy and self care to call in new life and new God connection -

What is distracting you from living the life you deserve?

What do you need for closure, for letting go, and releasing to allow new energy and higher vast energies in

The spiral of evolution is expanding light, expanding cycles of light and being; we are moving on templates of light, codes to recognize patterns of beliefs and perspectives that hold us back into lower vibrational patterns of lack; fear, control, or greed which are de-evolutionary for our species -

We are the only ones that can choose to awaken new cycles of being; becoming and what is not of equal respect and nourishment at a multi-dimensional level; choose with self love and choosing your own way, truth, story of Oneness with spirit, respect is of such divine and altruistic benevolence - all have a part to play and why each have gifts, skills, wisdoms, and knowing for authentic and genuine sharing -

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Your soul is beyond 3D roles, definitions, or expectations of those that do not want to do the work themselves - speak your rights of gentle change and beingness - none have any authority or right over you or anything you create- beyond the manipulation and deceit - there is a steady truth that one can choose to align with - the alliance with light is such - which will guide you - and none have power over your path and life -

When you awaken to who you are; your gifts, fields, knowing, psychic ability's and what is true offering for humanity - it is key to design your world, your new 2023 in ways that nourish your wholeness

THE PATH - 2023 - self design with God, Spirit, Source - Travel Anywhere - Be anything

safety in the environment - those with whom you spend time with

food, nourishment mentally, physically, emotional, spiritually all is up to each to tune in and discern and begin designing a life that feeds and nourishes the soul -

when you begin to say no and clear out the toxicity, the lack, the fear, and control - you see how liberating life and your health and gifts can be - never hold yourself back for anyone - it is not worth it

Conduits are liberated as they heal the suppressions and impaling of projections of falseness and deceit, or even social conformity - we are empaths to clear out the density of such and how each have to tune in and begin a new relationship with God to nurture and activate what is within - ©

Your own attunement is that of how you read energy in everything - matter is energy - and spirit - it is readable - there is no wrong answer - for all are at varying and different consciousness levels -

What are you attracted to - is all the level of your consciousness -

What inspires and excites you is purely spirit - false and fake will be shown - for it is all vibration - how authentically and magically you own and honour such will be equal to how it - god lives through you - ©

Blessings be the flow of light within - glow is your growing in self love - feeding and nourishing your spirit is everything - your cells and your life requires love, compassion, forgiveness, and love - Love love - all requires this first within - then you begin to design a new reality - that nourishes the wholeness of you -

Never succumb to lesser stories of want, greed, fear, and superficial for this will never ever nourish the soul - and know in any level of manipulation is not liberation or respect of a true soul mate - all is a valuable lesson of self design, sovereignty and self worth - all gotta do the winner work to release the reality patterns

Be the power of a new path and life - let go of what is not serving your highest and best - none have power over you - or design of your path - none; what do you exist within, who are you, what exists within you - who are you - only each can answer and be of such;

All must at some point do the work or not - all will result in reality response - all returns

Anyone that takes from you - or copies you, or calls your ideas theirs, or feels the entitlement of what they did not earn with spirit - will never have lasting wealth - be it spiritual wealth, enrichment with soulful spirit engagement; Gaia, elementals, fairies, ocean life, bio-sphere and all that is spirit above - all is spirit and all is a song - conduits read this -

Conduits read the story of Gods song - in all life and life between life - it is an interpretation of all that is Spirit and life ©

All is a lesson - what is it that you need to learn to finally go within - you need not marry or be, or commit or pull on or spell cast or manipulate, or force, or control anything - when you live purely in within your own love, allow yourself to feel what you need to, bravely go forward with your own inner strength to heal what needs to be healed then the inner child - the Christ will know you have your own back -

Follow your heart and know your voice, your heart and your soul is calling you and heed the call of spirit -

Blessings be

Joanna

Human evolution, re-writing all aspects of our co-creative experiences through love, light, harmony of all that is sacred, always been sacred; World Ascension Healing Classes, Intuitive Sessions, Healing Sessions, Ascension Books, Healing Systems, 5D human-socio-altruistic re-write ~

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#ascension

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#spirituality

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stressy-enby · 4 years ago

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Love Letters

Tenya Iida X Writer!Reader

(This is absolutely a self insert leave me alone)

Requests are open!!

Tenya's morning routine was always the same. He was awoken by his alarm at 6:20 A.M. He went to the bathroom and washed his face. Then he'd get dresses, comb his hair, and go downstairs for breakfast. After he'd eaten, he would brush his teeth, and head to class with his peers.

This system was so ordinary, so methodical, that he almost missed the folded sheet of printer paper on the floor in front of the door.

Probably Mr. Aizawa, he'd thought, stooping to collect the note. His teacher occasionally left notes taped to the class rep's door, asking him to take attendance or start class if Aizawa knew he was going to be late. Still nothing out of the ordinary for Tenya.

When he unfolded the paper, though, he was surprised to see not a message from his teacher, but rather a very sweet note; something that Tenya was not accustomed to getting at all.

I hope it does not alarm you to hear that I adore you. Your unbridled passion for heroics, your eyes; which are oceans of kindness, and your aptitude for helping others. Every little bit of you never once ceases to amaze and enamor me. Though you are a vessel for speed, you choose to walk alongside your friends, instead of tearing off into the future. You build me up and make me feel strong, whether you realize it or not. You make me feel like I'm actually worth something. You keep my head up when I feel as though I'm drowning in a sea of my insecurities.

Perhaps one day I'll have the courage to tell you this in person. For now though, this will suffice.

The letter was not signed off, but rather ended with a red pen sketch of a heart. Tenya's eyes nearly doubled in size. He re read the note several more times to make sure he hadn't imagined the loving words. Who could've possibly written it? He wasn't aware of anyone in his class who harbored these kinds of feelings, much less for him, but he had never been particularly good at reading emotions.

Realizing he was going to be late for breakfast if he dwelled any longer on it, Tenya pocketed the love letter and headed downstairs. The mystery would have to wait until after school. His responsibilities always came first, no matter how often his mind still wandered back to the letter in his pocked, yearning to pull it out and read it yet again, just to make sure he still wasn't dreaming.

. . .

Whoever had written the note was smart, Tenya realized. They had typed it, leaving no room for the possibility that he could recognize the handwriting. The only part that had been done by hand was that little red heart, but a doodle wasn't nearly enough to tell him who the author was.

He turned instead to analyzing the words themselves.They were well chosen, poetic even. The fifty cent words like "unbridled" and "enamored" led him to believe that the author was an experienced writer, or perhaps simply read a lot.

Yaoyorozu was a good contender, she was an eloquent speaker. Kaminari also read a lot, he was good with literature. And there was Tokoyami, who seemed to speak exclusively in poetry. Tenya jotted down his ideas, crafting a short list of his classmates.

"Oh, (L/N) writes a lot," he mused, adding their name to the list. (L/N) actually made a lot of sense.

Oh, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. Perhaps he only read the love letter in (L/N)'s voice being he wanted it to be them.

...or maybe it actually wasn't a bad idea.

(L/N) was always writing. They viewed it as a privilege, a challenge. They leapt at every creative writing assignment they got in English class, and the few stories they had shared were spectacularly inventive and elegantly crafted.

Tenya halted, scanning the message again. It suddenly seemed more and more likely that (L/N) was in fact the author.

He chewed his lip. It was too easy. Too convenient. Too perfect. How could someone he already cared for so deeply send him something like this? It was too good to be true. Besides, it was only one note. How could be possibly-

"What if they write more?" Tenya suddenly said out loud, his train of thought coming to a screeching halt. "I'd have a better line up to analyze. I could also ask Present Mic for the short stories assignments he's grading so I can pass them back. I could probably be able to look over at least a few of them and see if I recognize the writing."

A man on a mission, Tenya resigned himself to waiting until the next day to see if another note appeared, and to ask Present Mic about the stories.

Too anxious and oddly excited, he hardly got any sleep.

. . .

Sure enough the next morning, there was a new note. Tenya all but flew out of bed and scrambled to unfold it.

I find myself caught in a storm of uncertainty all too often. I'm tossed from wave to wave in an ocean of fear. You are my rock. You hold me fast and secure in this ever-changing and frightening world. You are safe. You are my home.

You are my everything.

Tenya unconsciously read the letter in (L/N)'s voice again. He felt his heart beat harder at the thought of them penning these beautiful words.

"You don't know that it's them," he scolded himself, unwillingly placing the new note on his desk next to the old one. He tore himself away from them to retreat into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

The new message did offer one new clue already, though. It used the same ocean metaphor as the first one. It was a comparison the author seemed to favor. Maybe he could find it in their other works.

He had to get his hands on those short story assignments before he lost his damn mind.

. . .

Tenya felt slightly uneasy about telling Present Mic he wanted the stories to pass back, even though he was technically telling the truth. He was eventually going to pass them back. When he was done looking through them.

A lie of omission is still a lie, that annoying voice in his head insisted, but he pretended he couldn't hear it, pushing it down. It wouldn't do any harm, he rationalized. And he had to know.

Tenya flipped through the papers, looking for (L/N)'s first. It was a desperate wish that they were the author of the anonymous notes, but it also seemed to make just enough sense to justify thumbing through their assignment.

There. (L/N) always went above the beyond with creative writing, and the five pages of neatly typed text was a testament to that. It was the longest assignment in the stack by two pages.

Wait.... typed?

It was probably a coincidence. After all, (L/N) hadn't been the only student who'd opted to type their story. Tenya was too convinced already that they had sent him those letters for him to entertain the idea that it was simply just a coincidence.

He skimmed the story quickly before class started. He found himself impressed, not for the first time with (L/N)'s abilities as a writer. Each word was carefully selected to craft perfect sentences and immaculate paragraphs full of feeling and vibrant imagery.

He stopped suddenly a page in as the protagonist compared their anguish to a stormy sea, heavy waves tossing them to and fro.

There it is again.

The sentiments from the letters, which Tenya had all but seared into his brain, echoed that of what he was reading now. The vocabulary, the imagery, the deep feelings evoked by each sentence, and even the fact that it was typed.

It had to be them. It had to be (Y/N). It was just too perfect.

. . .

(Y/N) sat a few seats ahead and to the right of Tenya, so he spent quite a bit of class time staring unabashedly at the back of their head. They were scribbling madly on a sheet of lined paper. Lecture notes? Short story?.... Love letter?

People often say that opposites attract. Tenya was just realizing how true that was as he sat in class, half listening to the lesson, half watching (Y/N). He was all angles and sternness, whereas they were flexible and soft. Perhaps it didn't always show physically on their features, but in their mannerisms, and even in their writing, they were stunning curves, twists and turns. With them, you didn't always know where you were going, but it was an adventure all the same. They were a warm, comforting feeling. They felt like home.

An idea bloomed in Tenya's mind, a delectably wonderful way for him to show (Y/N) that he reciprocated their feelings. Having a difficult time smothering his smile, Tenya fished through his school bag for a sheet of lined paper.

. . .

You frowned thoughtfully at your paper, lips pursed. You tapped your pencil against your dorm room desk as you considered your next words.

This was the hardest, part, but still the most fun. The first draft. You could change whatever wording or dialogue you wanted while you were typing it up, nut you still needed a good base. You still had to carefully choose every word that you wanted to use to move your audience.

Tenya Iida

You grinned giddily just thinking of him. He had given almost no indication these past two days that he'd gotten your letters, but you could tell. His eyes had darted around, scrutinizing everyone they landed on. It had felt a bit like being dissected when his gaze had fallen upon you.

There's no way he knows, you had reasoned, giving him a tight smile in return. He's just trying to sus me out. For all he knows, it could be literally anyone.

You had ridden that wave of shaky confidence in your anonymity, all the way to that moment, where you turned around in your desk chair, intending to grab your phone, only for your eyes to fall upon a folded up piece of paper next to your door.

You felt an anxious lurch in your gut as you shakily picked it up. "If this is Iida telling me to never speak to him again I'm going to cry."

You unfolded the message, fully expected the worst, and praying to whatever god was or wasn't out there that you were wrong and that Iida wasn't completely creeped out and now hated you.

You remind me of the ocean waves you write about so often. You're a crescendo of carefully chosen words, actions, and kind thoughts. You're soft yet strong, never backing down from a fight or a friend in need. Your determination and drive impress me to no ends, and make me want to impress you as well.

You've cast a spell on me for quite some time now, but your hold over me was only strengthened by the heartfelt messages you sent me. I'm beyond happy that you share my feelings.

The letter wasn't signed, but it was written in what was distinctly Iida's penmanship. He had ended his message the same way you had ended yours; with a hand-drawn heart.

"Oh my god," you whispered, paper crinkling as your grip tightened around it. You read it again. Then again. And then again. "Damnit, he's right. I do use the stormy sea metaphor a lot."

Note still clenched in your hand, you sped-walked to Iida's dorm room, heart thundering in your chest. The thought that Iida; sensible, respectful Iida would have feelings for a disaster like you was a little discombobulating to say the least, so you were determined to hear it straight from the horses mouth.

You rapped on his door, foot tapping impatiently. The few seconds it took for Iida to answer dragged on for what felt like an eternity. When he finally did open the door, a pleasantly surprised look crossed his face upon seeing you.

You held up his note. "Hi. Um, so."

Iida chuckled, cheeks reddening. He gestured you in as he stepped back to his desk, where he produced the letters you had sent. "So."

"Y-you're not messing with me, right?" you asked nervously. "'Cause if you are I'm going to kick you."

"Trust me, everything I wrote is 100% true." He smiled earnestly. "And you...?

"I think those letters are the most honest I've ever been about my feelings ever." you admitted, shifting your weight from foot to foot. A wry smile played on the edges of your lips. "I was drafting you another one, but you just had to go and find me out and ruin it."

"You can still give it to me," Iida said hopefully, palming the back of his neck with his hand, flustered.

You laughed a little, your own cheeks warming up. You twisted the hem of your shirt. "Uh, can I hug you?"

"O-of course!"

You wrapped your arms around Iida's torso, resting your head on his chest, listening to the drumming of his heart. He slowly followed suit, snaking his arms around your shoulders. He let out a contented sigh, relaxing into your touch. He was so warm. He was a cozy fire in the dark of winter, a blissful reprise from a cold and harsh world.

You pursed your lips, stifling a snicker. I've gotta write that down.

#bnha #mha #tenya #iida #tenya iida #tenya iida x reader #tenya x reader #iida x reader #mha x reader #bnha x reader

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tarysande · 3 years ago

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S6 Thoughts: A Tale of Two Brothers

But wait! There’s more. Thoughts on the overall arc of the series, Heaven and Hell edition:

In S1, Lucifer is “vacationing” on Earth but doesn’t plan to return to Hell. Amenadiel spends that season trying so hard to force Lucifer back to Hell, where he “belongs,” that he himself Falls. We’ve got this role reversal of an angel doing evil things to return the devil (doing ... good things, like solving crimes) to Hell. It’s all very “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

In S2, Lucifer still has no plans to return permanently to Hell, but he’s willing to face it to save Chloe. Of course, this then leads to him experiencing his own forced hell-loop. Amenadiel is also conflicted. Though he’s changed enough that he no longer wants to force Lucifer back to Hell, he’s still uncertain where that leaves either of them. In fact, even when Lucifer pleads with Amenadiel to return him to Hell, Amenadiel refuses. However, when Mum plants the idea of returning to Heaven as a family, Amenadiel clings to that. He’s looking for a purpose. Lucifer, on the other hand, is still very much aboard the Heaven nope train. Here, we also get the foreshadowing of celestial war, and Lucifer’s rejection of Mum’s plan because “In war, there are always casualties.” He would rather sacrifice one--Mum, Uriel--for the many. But it hurts him. If he belongs anywhere, he thinks, it’s Earth ... but, ultimately, that’s shortsighted because we know he doesn’t actually want to be on an Earth that doesn’t have the people he’s coming to care about on it.

S3 is, as we all know, a bit of a mess. But, hey, it’s actually thematically appropriate! Lucifer’s having an identity crisis (wings) that just keeps giving (or taking), and even though subconsciously (we later realize) he gave himself the wings because he was, in fact, making progress reconciling his past and present, his conscious is backsliding like (pun not intended) hell. Much as he wants Earth to be home, he’s got these non-stop reminders of both Heaven and Hell. It makes complete narrative sense that this season reaches the point where he can no longer hide from himself--or from Chloe.

In this season, we also see Amenadiel really start to settle into the idea of staying on Earth, of embracing humanity. He’s shedding the aloofness he once had. He’s learning (we later realize) how to be the kind of God who sheds mysterious ways in favor of boots on the ground. I mean, he doesn’t realize this. But Dad ... well, he has a Plan. Lucifer begins the season with sudden wings. Amenadiel ends it with his wings’ very deliberate return.

In many ways, this season is about Hell on Earth and torture at the hands of an entity far more intentionally and deliberately evil than the actual devil. This is why the catalyst of Cain is so important. He is all the things Lucifer has been accused of being, only he embraces it in ways we’ve seen Lucifer reject and recoil from again and again. This season is torture (lol). It’s Hell. It’s every ugly thing lies beget. And much as we love Lucifer, we’re given an extreme close-up of how his omission of truth is very nearly as devastating as Cain’s outright lies. Of course, this nearly results in Chloe’s death (in more ways than one; you can’t tell me that godforsaken marriage wouldn’t have been like dying), and the devil’s vengeance results in the removal of Lucifer’s choice about the where and when to reveal his true nature to Chloe.

Which brings us to S4, aka The Season of Angst. For Lucifer (and Chloe), anyway. Not so much for Amenadiel, who is set on the path of fatherhood, of responsibility, of partnership and not just commands he expects to be followed. In case we’ve forgotten how much Amenadiel has changed, Remiel “mini-Amen” shows up to remind us. In Linda’s “When angels fall, they also rise” of it, Amenadiel is rising again. He’s not the same as he was, no, but ... we didn’t like old Amenadiel very much, did we? Like Lucifer, Amenadiel is on a journey of learning who he is, the good and the ugly, so he can choose the parts he wants to keep with both eyes open.

Of course, while Amenadiel is rising, Lucifer is falling. In having to deal with Chloe’s reaction to his devil face, Lucifer is put in the uncomfortable position of either growing enough to face his own darkness and self-loathing or retreating, very literally, into who he used to be because it’s comfortable and less frightening than the prospect of change and the unknown. Until it isn’t, right? The more he becomes the devil Eve remembers, the more uncomfortable he becomes. And the more frightening he becomes. Not to Chloe, as he fears, but to himself--though it takes a while to recognize it. If nothing else, we have to hand this to Lucifer’s subconscious: when it wants him to PAY ATTENTION DUMMY, it’s pretty good at getting its point across. If S3 was Hell on Earth starring Cain as the devil, S4 is Hell on Earth starring, well, the devil as the devil with bonus demons. It’s Lucifer’s earthbound iteration of a guilt-induced hell-loop. And at the tragic end, he chooses to return to the place he swore he’d never return, losing everything good in the process, but doing it for selfless reasons. So, that’s new. And it’s why there was still a sliver of hope even when things looked impossibly dark.

S5 begins with Lucifer in Hell--farther from the things he cares about than he has ever been, but also closer to his true calling. Not that he realizes it; this is Lucifer we’re talking about. So, of course it makes sense that as the season goes on, he’ll end up confused by suddenly having everything he always thought he wanted within his grasp. The Lucifer who led a rebellion against his father because he thought he could do better than God? Of course that part of him wants to be handed the job now. No--he wants to earn it. And while some of his reasons are not great, others are. His heartbreak about the injustice and unfairness of life, well ... who hasn’t felt that way? Who hasn’t wanted the power to unilaterally make things better? But that’s not how free will works. That’s not how choice works. While Lucifer wrestles with the necessity of becoming God, Amenadiel recoils from what his S1 self would have seen as his right and his calling. S1 Amenadiel would have made a terrifying and inflexible and absolute and judgmental God. Perhaps even a God closer to our imaginings of Evil than Good.

S6 is about how sometimes personal growth means we grow out of old dreams and acquire new ones. Sometimes, it’s about reimagining those old dreams, rebuilding them with new information. For Amenadiel, that means recognizing that the person he is now is the best man for the Big Job. It means recognizing that Heaven can be (a place) on Earth if he wants it to be. It means he sets aside the pride of “If God wants something done, he sends ME” in favor of delegation and accepting help--and in doing so, helping others (his siblings) discover their callings too. He learns to lead by example, tempered with love and humility.

In Paradise Lost, Milton’s Lucifer famously declares that it is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven. But our Lucifer ... his calling isn’t ruling in Heaven. That’s the old dream of a person who no longer exists. Ironically, Lucifer’s calling is to serve in Hell. Not to serve a distant, ineffable, unfathomable being’s mysterious ways, mind you, but to tangibly serve the humans he has come to love, and who have taught him so much about himself. Who have taught him about love and sacrifice and light and darkness and second chances and hope and faith. When Lucifer chooses to return to Hell, he does so with his eyes open, just as Chloe returns to the LAPD with her eyes open. It’s a lesson that revisits the first episode of the season: Truth and wonder don’t have to be at odds. They can go hand in hand. The mysteries at the heart of pain and suffering and trauma--those are the ones Lucifer wants to solve. Because solving them isn’t about trusting to a higher power (aka the justice system, which is flawed) or designing the perfect torture. It’s about quite literally helping others set themselves free. Finding release. It’s about being a guide, not a judge. And it’s about fulfilling not the temporary desire that merely scratches the itch, but offering the tools necessary to help others determine--choose--their path to the desire they may not even realize is buried beneath the layers of scar tissue within them. And what could be more wonderous than that? Especially when you have a partner who makes you better at your calling, even as you make them better at theirs.

In the end, Heaven and Hell are what we make of them. One person’s Heaven is another person’s Hell. Love is what matters. In all its many, many forms.

#lucifer on netflix #lucifer morningstar #amenadiel #lucifer meta #chloe decker #lucifer thoughts #lucifer spoilers #lucifer s6 #lucifer s6 spoilers #long text post

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