#recipe without measurements

[hachama]

This is one of my comfort foods. There's only 4 ingredients, plus cooking oil and time.

Sweet onions, yellow potatoes, granny Smith apples, and either sausage or bacon. I used chicken sausage.

1. Add oil to a pan over medium heat. Chop onions.

Add the onions to the pan.

2. While the onions start to cook, wash and cube the potatoes. Add them to the pan when the onions have started to get a little color.

Yeah, like that.

Mix in the potatoes.

Little yellow cubes. Delicious.

3. Peel and chop the apples. Set them aside.

4. Put another pan, with a splash of oil, over medium heat. Chop up the sausage/ bacon/ protein and put it in the pan.

Cook it until it's got some nice caramelization going on and the flavor is well infused into the oil.

5. Once the potatoes are getting soft, add the apples.

6. Add the protein and its oil to the main pan.

7. Turn off the heat. Let it all sit together for about 10 minutes. Serve with a vegetable, they're good for you.

You can add whatever seasonings you like. The protein is usually going to bring most of the salt you need and a lot of other flavors as well. I've added sage, pepper, paprika, the sky's the limit.

[lanternlightss]

(thank you to @arson-n-quwubilder for the request <3 ! )

There is not a sight more fascinating to Venti than the image of his dear friend with his eyes sparkling, awed etched into every detail of his features, his mouth opened in a small “o,” as he takes in what lies before him—the food of the one, the only, Good Hunter!

Cecil’s fingers dig into the cuffs of his top. Points, to where Sara sets a Mint Jelly plate and an Apple Roly Poly onto the counter, turning to face Venti. He had done the same to the last few foods that have been taken away to those who had ordered them (a Satisfying Salad, Venison Steak, Moon Pie, and Crab, Ham & Veggie Bake, thus far.) He seems to be particularly intrigued about the Apple Roly Poly, now, though, asking Venti, “What is that?”

His eyes pull up, delighted to share—the food his children think of and create are extraordinary! “An Apple Roly Poly! It is made with apples, of course, and eggs, butter, flour, all coiled into one. A delicacy, for sure.”

“And—the green?”

“Mint Jelly,” and how, briefly, he wishes that those in Old Mondstadt could have eaten jelly, he thinks that Amos would have liked it. “it is made with those mints you keep seeing, and sugar. A very squishy, sweet food!”

“Squishy ….”

Cecil falls into a contemplative silence. Frets with Venti’s ruffles, and the buttons on his sleeve, his expression becoming something akin to a stilted wariness, determination the longer he thinks on his words. Venti, deliberately, pretends not to notice, casually humming a short tune to himself in the wait, and lightly tapping his foot against the legs of the wooden chair he sits on.

“Are there any other foods made of apples?”

Venti grins. “My friend, there are many. Northern Apple Stew, Apple Fritters, ehe, it is not a food, but Apple Ciders, and Candy Apples, Apple Cake, Apple Pie—”

“Apple Pie!?”

“Apple Pie!!!!!!”

“How is it made?”

“Oh, apples, sugar, flour, cinnamon, mmm.. butter too, and—” and they … they have everything they need to make it … right here, oh goodness, Venti from three days past thank you for not spending a drop of your mora! He stands from his chair (Cecil jumping, hand darting from his sleeve), it scraping across the stones, tittering just that slightest bit at the end. “One moment, beloved!”

“What—” He, too, stands, one knee placed onto the seat, his head swiveling to follow after Venti bursting into a run to the general goods shop, “What are you—??”

“One moment, cherished, one moment!!”

He is certain there are teal feathers and puffs of Anemo trailing after him in his sprint, hoping those are overlooked by the Vision hung at his belt, too caught in his excitement to get the ingredients needed to tweak that little quirk. It is normal to have feathers. Glowing feathers. Very normal, everyday thing that people have and do. Pay no mind to the fact that his Vision is not also glowing as brightly as the feathers are, it happens, you see.

Sliding up to the counter, bracing his hands on it, he pants: “Miss Blanche! Miss Blanche, good lady, do you happen to have flour, milk, eggs and cinnamon?”

Blanche, the lovely shopkeeper she is, is holding a hand to her mouth, attempting to hide a laugh. Venti considers this a success.

“Of—snrk—Of course.” She pivots on her heel, rummaging through the shelves positioned around her, meticulously and gingerly adding each item grabbed to the crook of her elbow. She sets them down just as gently. “That’ll be two hundred and forty mora!”

Venti has already brought out and dug through his pouch of the currency. Pokes at the pile, as he counts it in his head, and puts the needed amount into her outstretched palm, scooping the ingredients into his arms with his other hand (and, for fun, tips his hat very gentlemanly at her in a swish of Anemo—fun party trick, he should add, being able to concentrate it to a single point as so.)

��Thank you, Miss Blanche! Good day!”

“Good day to you, too!”

He waves to her, walking backwards, as he hurries to where an awfully confused Cecil continues to half-stand, half-sit. That confusion is merely amplified by Venti arranging the flour, milk, eggs and cinnamon on the table, tapping at the cork of the cinnamon when it is to his liking. Skips over to Good Hunter immediately after, his dearest spluttering, looking between the objects and him, scrutinizing both in a manner similar to that of when he is solving a problem.

“Miss Sara—”

“Let me guess: butter and sugar?”

“Heehee, caught! Yes, ma’am, if I could have those, pretty please!!”

She smiles at him, eyes softening. Ducks down to the cabinets, opening them, the hinges creaking softly. He thumps his fingers on the counter (in a pattern he remembers from the “drumming contest” that Bennett and Amber had him supervise), listening to the clink of the bottles.

“Here you are,” she sets them beside his hand. “Six-hundred-forty five mora!”

“Ooohhhh..” He tries his best not to visibly show his surprise, the pouch being rifled through again. “Six-hundred-forty five… ?”

“Six-hundred-forty five!”

That certainly is an amount for this all…

He hands over what is needed, snatching the butter and sugar, and shoving the marginally lighter feeling pouch into the hole of his shorts, for the meanwhile. He waves bye to Sara, as well, skipping over to Cecil—who is looming above the previous ingredients, hands to the sides of them, his face drawn into a slanted frown—and proudly presenting what he has. Cecil blinks at him, his expression transforming to a wide-eyed one, then scrunches his brows into a furrow, his lips thinning.

“Venti,” flops onto the seat, “my little song, my darling, my angel. Why did you gather this? Are we, by chance...?”

He shakes the sugar, the tiny specks bobbing in the bottle, swaying back and forth while he does. “Mhm! We can make Apple Pie!!”

That has Cecil shift to bewilderment, rising from the chair, swinging his gaze back to the table. “And everything is this… leisurely, to gather? All of it, in the market—“ he falters, going over each item once more, finding one, strangely, missing, “—all… well, almost everything.”

An eyebrow is cocked at Venti, Cecil placing his hands on his (also cocked to the side) hips, trying for a “disappointed” stance. A stance that is betrayed by the mirth in his eyes, simply bemused wondering behind it. “Are we to make Apple Pie without the Apples?”

Venti giggles.

“Do not fret, they are taken care of!!” His cape makes a satisfying swoosh sound, as he bounds toward his precious, clutching his butter and sugar close (it will not be spilling on his watch!) “And I know a spot where we will be able to put everything together, just the two of us”—he winks, braids and eyes flickering in their glowing—“if you could, the other..?”

Cecil moves a hand closer to the ingredients. “On it.”

First, the milk is placed under his right arm. Then, the eggs are gathered next to it, followed by balancing the flour and cinnamon on them. He continues to maneuver them, walking up to Venti, his arms crossed tightly, a part of his cloak draping over his left bicep.

Hooking a hand on that bicep, Venti urges Cecil to one of the alleyways. And, once it seems that no one is giving them attention, allows the swirling of Anemo to swathe them; looping strings of teal round and round, pressing into the skin and leaving them with fleeting prickles of buzzing. His braids lift into the air, the wind zipping past, accelerating, and he clings to Cecil as it all brings itself into, well, itself. Raising them and streaming them through the many, many winds of Mondstadt.

They whip by buildings and fields, fields and buildings. Ending pushed inside a door to a nice, little area in between, the enticing smell of the latest batch of pastries wafting throughout the room.

Cecil stumbles, slightly, knocking one foot into the other, when the Anemo dissipates. Venti keeps his grip on his bicep, stepping back the moment his friend is steady, and spins to walk by, carrying his items at an arm’s length while he proceeds towards the kitchen island, located dab in the middle of the room.

Footsteps edge closer to the archway of the kitchen, where it splits into two hallways—ones that Venti merely glances towards, noting Cecil with his hand braced on that archway, as he leans out to look down the corridors. He directs his attention to the items, then the drawers of the countertops, and the cabinets. The pie plate and bowls should be in the bottom ones, the measuring spoons should be in the far left drawer, and the measuring cups should be above them… hm…..

With a snap of his fingers, the cabinets and drawers are pulled open in a tug of Anemo. Meticulously, he grabs each one needed (medium sized bowl, colored blue, same with the measuring spoons, and the glass plate and cups—and, for extra, a rolling pin.) He sets these next to the butter and sugar, hands on his hips as he inspects everything.

A soft, frilly fabric is pressed to his cheek. He turns to see Cecil offering him a green, pinstripe cooking apron (a white bow wrapped at the middle), oh!! In a swift whoosh, both his corset and cape vanish, as he takes the apron into his hands and sets to tying it around his waist, exclaiming: “You found them!”—Cecil snorting at his eagerness, placing the ingredients he had held in his arm next to Venti’s, and undoing his belt, then vest, and snapping open the clasp of his cloak, to put on his matching blue, pinstripe apron as well.

“Alright!” Venti says, clapping his hands, “Let us get to work, yes?”

Cecil, eyeing the bowl, hums. “The Apples?”

“Of course, of course,” Giggling, he reaches to his beret, and, with a flutter of his hand, taps at the very top of it (the Cecilia and leaves bouncing.) His fingers dig under it, and flings it to the side; falling into a bow to catch it, thus revealing the six red apples that laid underneath it.

There is a pause. The Apples are plucked from his hair, being replaced by a hand, of which ruffles there til it is a disheveled jumble of strands—Venti leaning into each pat that passes with a grin.

“I should have known,” Cecil huffs, amusement laced in his voice. Venti is sure that when his beloved steps around him to get to the sink, his expression can best be summarized as “cat that caught the canary,” just about as pleased as punch at this outcome. Another “party trick” of his, one that never gets old in seeing everyone’s reaction to it!

A bit aways from him, water rushes from the faucet, spilling over the apples held under it.

Busying himself whilst Cecil does that, he arranges each ingredient from largest to smallest, and once that is done, picks up the bottle of sugar to regard how much is inside. From what he recalls of the recipe for this, it should be.. half cup sugar, two tablespoons flour, one teaspoon cinnamon, one egg, and all of the apples are accounted for already…. hm, hm, hm!

The apples are gently rolled into the flour bag, Cecil stopping them from going further with a gentle touch to their stems. Bumps his hip againsts Venti’s, passing by, to settle beside the right of him.

One hand going behind his back, the other gesturing towards what sits in front of them both, Cecil clears his throat, lowering his voice to a comical degree, “Shall we?”

Barking a laugh into his fist, Venti stands straight, rolling his shoulders back, clasping his hands at the waist. Lowering his voice, too, and nodding hard enough that it has his braids flailing into the air, “We shall.” (He will say, though, that they lasted a solid minute without breaking their characters—only breaking when Cecil had looked to Venti, whom was deepening his frown, and burst into cackles.)

And so they do. And so it becomes a mess halfway in (he is mildly surprised it had not when he had swirled the bowl of sugar, flour, and butter with Anemo, and had it spring out everywhere at the end—he had sighed when making the whipped cream, too, as Kaeya would have been a fantastic helper), when Venti, after rolling the dough, tucking it into the pie plate, and having wiped a quick streak of the apple juices on his hands across Cecil’s nose. Which had lead to Cecil mock gasping, running his hands through the leftovers of the ingredients and cupping Venti’s cheeks with them, which then to Venti dusting the bottoms of Cecil’s braids with sugar, which then lead to Cecil packing up flour into a shape of a ball and mushing it against him, and—

The kitchen will need … cleaning, most certainly. As will they, the two of them sat on the floor, snickering and chortling, nearly covered head to toe in contents and components.

Despite this, the pie tastes delicious, Venti thinks to himself, offering another piece of the pie pierced through a fork to Cecil, for him to bite and eat.

[sun-e-chips]

I put this together for the dfpu discord and thought I should post it here as well :)

I give you my personal recipe for deviled eggs!

[digitalfishwish]

Kit's Traybake Pancakes (chocolate chip var.)

Heyo! You may have seen my original pancake traybake (cinnamon apple var.) recipe! If you haven’t, come check it out here! If you have, check again, since I’ve made some crucial changes to the cook time/temp/optional prep after much experimentation!

Well, here’s:

Love eating pancakes but hate making them? This traybake pancake recipe may be for you! Making these gives me enough pancake squares for 6 days (5 if you eat two on the day you make them). They reheat well, can either be eaten with or without maple syrup, and are very customizable! I recommend adding something healthy like fruit or yogurt, and protein powder like I do in this recipe, making it a slightly healthier breakfast than just pure carbs.

Full recipe under the cut! (Reader beware, you're in for a... lot of asides and annotations lol)

Full disclosure, the base for this recipe was the mug pancake recipe from Emma’s Goodies, which you can watch here!

I made this mug pancake for years (except with tripled portions because I was using a very big mug) and it was super delicious! However, for just one mug pancake, it was a bit of a production and didn’t feel super worth it. Thusly, I have adapted the recipe to be made in a 13”x9” baking tray, which makes a whole lot of breakfast.

Base Ingredients:

12 tbsp. butter (I use salted, if you don’t have salted butter, add a very small amount of kosher salt to your recipe)

9 tbsp. (1/2 cup+ 1 tbsp) granulated sugar

12 fl.oz. milk (I use skim, use whatever kind you like)

3 cups all-purpose flour

3 tsp. baking powder

Customizable Ingredients:

1 scoop protein powder (I use vanilla flavored whey)

1/4 cup of brown sugar

1 cup (around 5oz) nonfat strawberry Greek yogurt (pick a good quality brand/one you like)

1 cup of semisweet chocolate chips (for the batter)

Small handful of semisweet chocolate chips (to sprinkle on top)

1/2 cup of semisweet chocolate chips, 1 tbsp of butter, ~2 capfuls of milk (for chocolate drizzle)

Base Instructions:

Heat oven to 375°F, take out a 13”x9” nonstick baking pan and spray bottom and sides with cooking spray (yes theoretically I know you don’t need to spray a nonstick pan but better safe than sorry).

Put butter in a bowl and melt it in the microwave. I recommend microwaving for 1m20s.

Put butter in a stand mixer, preferably with the paddle attachment. While you heat the milk in the microwave* (40 seconds, stir milk once it’s done; I use a glass liquid measuring cup for the microwaving), add the granulated sugar to the mixer. Once the milk is heated, add it and use one of the lower settings on your mixer.

(If you have customizable wet ingredients, add them now!)

Add the flour and baking powder, mix again on low setting until it forms a batter (a small amount of lumps is okay from what I’ve heard, you don’t want to overmix).

*You can’t put cold milk into hot butter, it will form little clumps and be gross

Customizable Instructions:

Add the brown sugar (as above, preferably before the flour, with the other wet ingredients. Wait, why is sugar a wet ingredient? see † at the bottom).

Add one scoop of your preferred protein powder, then mix on low setting until it’s mixed in.

Similarly, mix in the strawberry yogurt*. Now, I know what you’re saying: this is a very specific thing to add to the pancakes, but hear me out**: it gives moisture to the recipe (in this version, there’s not as much, cuz there’s no added tea/maple syrup, and there’s an additional dry ingredient), and it adds a subtle fruity flavor (also it makes your living space smell amazing while it’s cooking)! I may experiment with adding actual fresh strawberry to the recipe in the future.

Finally, put the cup of choco chips in and mix gently! My mixer head tends to bump around a little bit during this step so you may want to use that generally ignorable lever that keeps the mixer head secure.

*Unlike the brown sugar, you may want to mix the yogurt in after you add the dry ingredients. If you do it before, it won’t incorporate smoothly and end up in a bunch of gross looking lumps. It doesn’t actually affect anything though and once you add the dry ingredients, everything is fine. It’s more about if you’re a wet before dry purist vs. someone squicked out by lumps.

** It’s also the only thing I had on hand lmao

Chocolate Sauce (for ‘drizzling’) Instructions:

Put 1/2 cup of chocolate chips in the microwave with a tablespoon of butter. Melt for 45 seconds on high (according to the packaging on my choco chip bag). Mix the resulting glorp carefully (it’s hot!) with a rubber spatula then microwave for another 15-20 seconds until most/all of the chips have melted.

Mix again. It will look like a gross dry paste (but trust the process). Once you add in a capful of milk and mix—immediately you will have a glossy beautiful mixture. Then add an additional capful of milk (you may need to add more) to make it thin enough to ‘drizzle’!

Baking Instructions:

Pour batter into greased baking tray and use a spatula and spread it evenly by hand, as this batter is thicker and a little stiffer than my apple version. Optional: Sprinkle the top with that handful of chocolate chips—then if you made the chocolate sauce, take the spatula from before, scoop a little bit of chocolate sauce onto the tip of the spatula, and carefully* flick it over the surface of the batter! Really channel your inner Jackson Pollock! Do as much of this as you want until you have your ideal amount of chocolate drizzle on top (and if you have any left afterward, eat it as a tasty little snack. live deliciously lol).

When the oven reaches temperature (if you preheated it at the beginning, it may have already been at temperature for a while) put the pan in and cook for 35 mins. Know your oven and if it tends to be hotter or colder**, adjust cook time as necessary.

When the timer goes off, test the center in several places with a toothpick. As long as it doesn’t come out goopy, you’re good! (crumbs on the toothpick is fine) I say test in several places because if you accidentally go through a chocolate chip, your toothpick will come out wet and chocolatey, but that doesn’t mean the pancakes aren’t done. If it's not done, cook in intervals of 5 minutes, testing when the timer goes off.

Take pan out and use a butter knife or a pie serving spatula and poke around the edges of the pan to free the pancake traybake from the edges. Let cool for 10 minutes.

Cut into squares. I tend to cut 12 pieces, but you could go smaller or larger depending on how much you intend to eat at once.

*By making this recipe you agree to not hold me liable for any chocolate mess that may result from the flicking process (lol).

** How do I know if my oven runs hot or cold, you may ask? If any recipe you make comes out raw and/or takes longer to cook than the instructions say, your oven is colder! If your food ends up burnt and/or takes less time to cook than the recipe instructions say, your oven is hotter!

Enjoy! I eat two squares at a time and it makes a good breakfast! For storing, put however much of it you can eat in 2-3 days in the fridge. Store the rest in the freezer.

I will note, this version of the recipe doesn't form the same kind of cool thick edges like the apple version.

For any customizing other than what I did, use whatever fruit, spices, syrups, and/or protein powders you want! Just be aware that more fruit in the batter means it may take longer to cook!

If you make them, either the same way I did here or differently, let me know how they came out!

†Yes, all sugars are considered wet ingredients. Yes, it is conceptually weird, but there is a reason: because they need to dissolve in liquid in order to be incorporated properly, you add them in with the wet ingredients. It's like Thompson from Gravity Falls, who's kinda in the friend group but only because he performs a specific social role (poor Thomson tho fr fr)

[scarf-it-box]

Not op of that post, but tell me what you want to cook Scar, I will help best I can through the screen

Okay. I've got a kitchen. I've got ingredients. (We're missing rice) There is a pan and a stove.

What tf do I do.

[fudgecake-charlie]

weird i know but would people be interested in a silly little online recipe book? I made it so I, a guy who didn't cook often and doesnt like spending money, could cook regularly while living alone in university. I still use and update it!!

[staryarn]

Season with your heart

[

Tip 2: to make mashed potatoes easy style get enough small potatoes, fill pot till like. A third the way up with potatoes, cover with water (make sure it barely covered the potatoes), then lightly season with salt. Boil for about 20-40 minutes so they're tender as hell. Pulverize those fucks in a bowl (strained). Add seasoning to your liking (added salt, pepper, onion powder because I wasn't assed to reach for garlic powder, agave syrup / maple, cheese, sour cream. Loosen with water and add half and half (or better cream but. Didn't have it) to liking. Microwave that fucker then rapidly mix so the cheese strings)

]

[cicadabooks]

2024 Olympic Muffins: Gluten-free and dairy-free option version (with gram and ml conversions)

(Recipe transcript originally from this post above by @norabee)

(Edits: I baked the muffins and I have been rewriting this post with recipe changes!)

Muffins I baked (Gluten/Dairy free version)

Notes:

Makes about 12 standard muffins. Maybe 6 jumbo muffins?

I added gram and ml equivalents based on some websites for converting US measurements. I think 1 teaspoon is same-ish everywhere, it's about 5ml.

The muffins taste VERY chocolatey to me! A friend thinks they have a nice balance of not too much sugar and good chocolate flavor. Either way, it may be nice to pair the muffins with coconut ice cream or coconut whipped cream. Especially if (like me) you baked the muffins with soy milk instead of cow milk - adding back in some cream may complement the chocolate flavors.

FYI, I used decaf instant coffee.

Muffin ingredients:

¾ cup milk (175 ml) (sub in: soymilk or non-dairy milk of choice.)

¼ cup water (60 ml)

2 tsp instant coffee (10 ml)

½ cup cocoa powder (about 40 grams) (Dutch cocoa recommended*)

½ cup chocolate chunks to melt (about 70 grams) (sub in: non-dairy chocolate chunks)

8 TBSP butter (1 stick, or ½ cup, or 113 grams) (sub in: non-dairy butter)

2 cups flour (between 240 grams - 280 grams?) (sub in: gluten-free 1-to-1 mix flour)

1 TBSP baking powder (15 ml)

¼ tsp salt (sea salt or kosher salt) (1 ml?)

½ cup dark brown sugar, packed (about 110 grams)

½ cup granulated sugar (about 100 grams)

¼ cup vegetable oil (about 60 ml)

2 eggs, room temperature

1 tsp vanilla extract (5 ml)

Additional ⅓ cup of chocolate chunks (about 47 grams)

Filling ingredients:

½ cup heavy cream (125 ml) (sub in: coconut cream - scoop out the top cream from a can of full-fat coconut milk.**)

¼ cup chocolate chunks (about 35 grams)

pinch of salt (use sea salt or kosher salt)

Cooking instructions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 C).

Add milk, water, and instant coffee to a saucepan, bring to a simmer. (I turned off the heat once it simmered.) Add cocoa powder, mix well, then add chocolate chunks and butter. Stir until melted, transfer to a bowl, and allow to cool.

In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt.

Once the chocolate mixture is cooled - add brown sugar, granulated sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla. Mix thoroughly.

Add a third of the flour mixture to chocolate mixture and combine. Then add remaining flour mixture, folding in gently. Take care to not over-mix. Then add chocolate chunks (video says to fold in these choco chunks, but it also looks like choco chunks were added on top before baking).

Spoon batter into muffin tins. (Spoon about 1/2 cup or 120ml of batter, or just know that the muffin will poof up.) This might be when to add some chocolate chunks on top of the batter.

Bake for 24 minutes. (Baking time may differ with GF and DF substitutes, often takes longer.)

While waiting - For the filling: add heavy cream, chocolate chunks, and salt to a saucepan, heat until melted, taking care not to come to a boil.

After baking, fill muffins with filling (spoon filling into a ziploc bag, cut corner of bag, cut out a bit of the muffin center with a knife, squeeze filling into muffins)***

Serve.

More Notes:

* Dutch Cocoa suggestion is based on a tumblr tag I saw and also this article. “[....] Dutch-process cocoa powder is usually used for batters containing baking powder.”

** Coconut cream substitution as suggested on this recipe page. (One can had a little more than 1/2 cup cream, when I opened it.)

*** Muffin filling tips from @picturesque-about-it from this post:

"[....] But you could definitely just use a knife to cut out the middle and use a ziploc bag with the corner cut off to fill it." And more ideas -

#honestly…….. it would turn out a bit different but i feel like you could put the filling in before you bake it

#that’s how we made chocolate chip muffins at my old job

#scoop of ganache that would sink as it baked and chocolate chips on top

#they were soooooooo good

if you’re craving chocolate muffins after the olympic muffin man videos, jordan the stallion on tiktok has the recipe for you

[etherealamoeba]

I'm currently baking an oreo cheesecake to cut into lil frankenstein's monster bars for Halloween!

Recipe used:

Will be decorating the bars inspired by this vegan recipe:

[nbstevonnie]

so like. i'm not as hardcore anti-ai as it seems most on this site are. but i am BAFFLED at some of the things people irl will be shocked that chatgpt and it's ilk can't do. they'll say things like 'i asked it to write me a logic puzzle but the answer didn't make any sense :(' or 'i asked it to tell me the relevant bit of law for the situation i'm in but it was totally wrong :(' or 'i asked it to make me a recipe from the things in my cupboard but it tasted disgusting :('

like. no shit!

as soon as you realise that current ai is literally just an algorithm trying to fit new data to the limited number of examples it's been shown, i.e. trying to work out what "most likely" comes next, you know that it just cannot do these things.

of course it's going to give you a logic puzzle with no logical answer! it knows what a logic puzzle sounds like ("a man lies dead on the ground, no footsteps nearby...") and it knows what an answer sounds like ("he died of a heart attack"). that doesn't mean it knows how to connect the two.

of course it's going to tell you a law that's completely irrelevant or just made up! it knows what a law sounds like ("an extension of time of three months is available upon request"). that doesn't mean it knows the law or can apply it to a specific set of circumstances.

of course it's going to give you a recipe that doesn't take taste into account! it knows what a recipe sounds like ("1 tablespoon of rosemary"). that doesn't mean it understands how an ingredient or the amount of it affects a recipe.

the thing that's frustrating about this is that if you're aware of this, you can use ai for things it will do fine at. ask it to write you a speech. ask it to suggest something to eat. ask it to write you the pros and cons of some piece of technology. it will give you enough ideas to tear apart and re-use as your own just fine with any of those prompts. ask it to actually be creative or provide real-world advice? a fool's prompt.

[hachama]

I'm making fried apples.

Video description: apple slices in a viscous, bubbling brown sauce.

Equal parts butter and sugar (or, in my case, sugar substitute of choice), cinnamon, and a touch of brown sugar. Peel and slice the apples, mix into your bubbling cauldron, stir occasionally until softened.

[ah0yh0y]

Craving food but not what’s in the house or like I don’t have to make it

I just want someone to cook with me

[bidolatry]

-corn tortillas

-refried beans

-beef or alternative (not a lot (i use gardiens normally))

-cheese your choice

-anything else you like to add (i like onion :] )

cook meat + beans separately, put in tortilla with just *slightly* more beans. add cheese + whatever else you want, fold in half, fry in shallow oil til golden

there you go. if you keep it with just the bare essentials you have a vague image of a jack in the box taco that doesnt give you food poisoning + is vegetarian

[nervoussagittarius]

matt sturniolo and y/n being cute for 6 minutes straight

matt sturniolo x reader

summary: a compilation of cute moments between matt and his girlfriend, caught on camera

warnings: none

☼ you and the triplets had decided to take a trip to hawaii for a week vacation. the boys were vlogging for their channel in the airport when nick panned over to you and matt sitting side by side sharing a pair of headphones.

“matt how do you feel about going back to hawaii?” nick asked. as matt seaming didn’t hear what he said, you squeezed his hand you were holding pausing the music that was playing for you two.

you were about to slip your had out of matt’s when he grabbed it again using his other hand to pull your chair closer to his. “we’re very excited nick, aren’t we baby.” he said glancing between you and the camera

“i’m excited to eat really good food and be really tan”

“and i’m excited to see y/n in a bikini” matt replied as you jokingly slapped his chest.

matt looked at you again as he began to smother your face in kisses and you giggled.

“and that’s enough of those two” nick said turning to chris instead.

☼ you had just fallen asleep when the boys started filming for their new wednesday video. you had come over to hangout with matt. deciding you didn’t want to run to the grocery store with them, you quickly found comfort in matt’s bed.

“chris, can you read off the recipe?” nick asked, trying to find measuring spoons. the triplets were filming another cooking video for this week, and they didn’t have the best track record with making things the right way.

“nick, i don’t know what the fuck any of this means. why can’t you just read it and i’ll measure?”

“matt what are you doing? why aren’t you mixing the ingredients?” nick asked. he was starting to feel annoyed at the idea of making these muffins from scratch.

“can’t we just ask y/n for help? she’s good at this kind of stuff” chris explained trying to get his brothers attention. “fine chris just go get her”

chris walked into matt’s room, and seeing you asleep he thought nothing of it and woke you. “y/n, we need help baking for our video.” he then walked out assuming you would follow.

you quickly woke up throwing on one of matt’s hoodies and made your way to the kitchen. nick was the first to notice you and how you looked slightly lethargic from not being fully awake yet. “chris did you wake her up or something? why would you do that?” this caught matt’s attention and he quickly took in your current state.

“chris!” matt slightly exclaimed. he turned to you and walked you both to what he thought was out of the camera frame. he quickly pulled you into a hug “i didn’t know you were sleeping otherwise i would’ve never let him bother you. are you okay being in the video quick… cause if not you can go back to sleep. i’m really sorry for waking you”

“no no. chris didn’t know. it’s okay matt, i don’t mind” matt then grabbed your his hoodie pocket pulling you over to the table. nick went on to explain what the boys had done so far and asked if you could be there to double check their work. matt kept a comforting hand on your back as he stood beside you, and he kissed your head occasionally as you scolded chris on the messed up measurements he was adding.

☼ matt was doing a quick stream when you arrived at the boy’s house. you just got off work and all you wanted was to see matt and tell him you loved him.

silently you walked into matt’s room trying not to disturb him as you walked over. “hi baby! how was your day?” matt said pushing one side of his headset off his ear.

streaming would never stop him from giving you all the attending in the world. he loved showing you off. he pulled you over to his desk. “look guys, y/n just got here. look at how pretty she looks.” he gave you the biggest hug pulling you up into him. he gave you as kiss not caring that the chat was going wild over how cute you two were.

“can i sit with you?” you brushed a piece of hair out of his eyes. without hesitating he sat the two of you down on his desk chair. you guys talked with the chat for a little bit before matt grabbed his controller going back to the game he was playing.

you sat there contently stealing little glances at him, which didn't go unnoticed by the fans.

☼ nick was having one of his moments where he was very active on snapchat. he was answer everyones questions when all of a sudden, unbeknown to nick, you and matt were caught cuddling in the back of one of his pictures.

his messages were soon flooded with comments about the two of you and how cute you were.

nick shortly became disgusted with all the girls making comments on you and his brother. he passed his phone over to you to make a statement on the situation.

"hi guys, y/n here. nick gave me his phone to talk to you all. yes, matt is here, and yes we are cuddling." you began to giggle at how insane you felt. matt lifted his head from your chest at the movement, giving a shut eye smile to the camera.

chats started coming in specifically directed to you this time. you tried to answer as many as you could, but most were just saying how they love you and how matt always looks so "babygirl" when he's you're together.

you loved how accepting the boys fans were of your relationship. you started a new video focusing on matt's sleeping face resting on you. "please everyone, let's take a minute and look at how cutie patootie matt is. he's just so kissable and squeezable"

"okay give me my phone back. i'm officially disgusted."

"bye guys!" matt said opening one eye to look at the camera and wave.

☼ you and matt had decided to have a little date night while nick and chris went out with some of your friends. you guys hadn't had much time alone in the past couple of weeks so this was a nice change of pace.

the night started out simple. the two of you had a picnic at the beach and then you ended up stargazing out of matt's car. as both of you made your way back to the triplets house you thought it would be a good idea to bake some cookies and watch a movie for the rest of the night.

while you two were baking, you were unaware that nick and chris were on their way back with tara and jake. music was softly playing as you set the tray of cookies into the oven.

"dance with me." matt stated, grabbing your hand to spin you around. you let out a laugh as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

coming up to the front door, tara was vlogging the group upon arrival. chris unlocked the front door as they all entered. the music could be heard from the front stairs.

"should we try to scare them?"

"absolutely! just wait and let me get my camera back out"

as they all piled into the living room quietly, they noticed you two in your own world dancing to some mac miller song. your head rested on matts chest as he swayed to the beat.

"stop it. they're so cute. the girlies are going to die for this footage"

you and matt quickly glanced at the group of four. at the same time the timer went off for the cookies.

"alright enough with the cute coupley-ness. let's see how these cookies turned out"

---------------------

comments:

i love them. i don't know who i want to be more

its so funny how everyone is so in love with them being in love and nick is just grossed out 24/7

i love how y/n is never wearing her own clothes. only matts

they're so in love its not even funny

"i just want to see y/n in a bikini" me too matt. me too

[alchemistc]

"When was it for you?" Buck asks, chin tucked over the nice rounded edge of Tommy's left pec, turning his eyes up through his lashes because every time he does that Tommy's eyes do something soft and sweet that Bucks still a little obsessed with. Tommy's fingers continue twisting into his curls, but he raises the 'need more context' brow. Buck obliges. "The - the spark. Like - I mean you had to kiss me for me to get what was going on but uh - I mean subconsciously I was in it to win it from like, the moment I saw how smiley you got seeing Cap and Athena reuniting. So. I'm wondering. What was it for you?"

There's still times when Buck feels like he's going too fast, too hard, pressing and pushing and reverting back to the neediness of yesteryear, but Tommy does this thing - this insane thing that shouldn't comfort Buck at all but somehow manages to both bring him back down to earth and make him feel like he's not alone in this: he takes his time. A measured breath, a quiet look, pressure on his scalp as Tommy thinks the question through without looking like he's being rushed at all. Measured. Processing both the new information he's been given, the little snapshot into what had first drawn Buck in, and the question he's been asked. If Buck had realized thoughtfulness meant so fucking much to him he'd have learned some patience years ago.

Tommy tips his chin, scratches at his cheekbone, stares at Buck like he's measuring out each word in his sentence recipe and setting up the ingredients of his response before he starts mixing.

"The handshake," he says, with a bashful little purse of his lips, like he hadn't expected he'd ever have to admit to it but he doesn't want to lie. "Just couldn't get a read on you for a while after."

Buck sort of wants to hide his face in Tommy's chest in response to the feelings that bubble up in his chest - the right-awayness of it, an immediate connection Tommy had felt even before he did, it feels like there are a thousand little pipe bombs bursting in his chest. No one's ever given him butterflies quite like Tommy Kinard.

"So it was like a physical thing for you," Buck says, fully fishing because Tommy has dated actual models and no matter how many minutes he spends each time they're naked together admiring the belly Buck's unwilling to dehydrate himself to get rid of, he likes hearing that his boyfriend thinks he's hot.

Tommy surprises him, though. "No, actually. You could barely get your name out but you wouldn't let go of my hand while you gave me five facts about helicopters you'd clearly googled on the ride over. Sorta made me want to stick you in my pocket and keep you there so you could provide me a fact-of-the-hour for the rest of my life."

Buck can feel his face going red. It's a mortifying observation, but it feels a lot like all the affectionate teasing he gets on the daily from Hen and Chim. Feels like Tommy knows him well enough by now to know he likes being read for filth when it means he's being paid attention to.

"You want weird facts, I'll give you weird facts."

Tommy chuckles. The hand in his hair tugs, just a bit, like Tommy wants Buck's face closer to his face but doesn't feel like asking. Buck shifts his weight up into an elbow to oblige, gets a thumb sliding along his cheekbone for his efforts and a primetime view of Tommy's serious face as his eyes flit across Buck's. "I didn't expect you," he says, in the serious voice, the teasing edge falling away. "I didn't expect butterflies and second chances and -." He cuts himself off, thumb slipping towards the curve of Buck's nose. "I didn't expect any of it."

Which is a bit of a revelation, if Buck's being completely honest. Tommy'd taken his hand and smiled while Buck did his level best to break the sound barrier with the pace he set at the beginning of all of this. "You thought I'd be an easy lay?" he teases, and Tommy wrinkles his nose.

"Thought you'd be bored with me before I paid the check if I ever managed to get you on a date with me."

It's actually laughable, with the benefit of hindsight, how terribly wrong that assumption had been. Laughable that Tommy thinks he could ever be boring. Buck could spend hours just staring at the subtle changes in his expression in complete silence and still not be bored with Tommy.

"That's stupid," he tells him, and Tommy thumbs at his bottom lip.

"Well I know that now. You're easily entertained. I've told you the Yellowstone flyover story six times and you still laugh at the punchline every time like it's the first time you've ever heard it."

"Moon moon," Buck repeats solemnly, and has to bite his lip not to laugh about it again.

"I like you a lot," Tommy says, and - they've exchanged I love yous, but there's something about this particular phrase - like Tommy's dug into the very heart of all of Buck's insecurities and learned the exact phrase to burn all those question marks to the ground.

"Ditto," Buck says, because Tommy had been insistent on trying to find a romcom that Buck didn't fall asleep to and Ghost had actually kept his attention decently well. Or. You know. Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore had.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Howie keeps giving me shit for all new movie quotes you keep bringing out at inappropriate times."

"Quoting Clerks at Captain Fuckstache is always appropriate."

"We'll watch Dogma next. See if you can find any gems in that one that'll drive that asshole into an early grave."

"Are there dogs in it?"

"Are there -." Tommy's expression is so offended Buck thinks his eyes might explode. "Evan, even if you don't know the movie I know dogma is one of those SAT words you've found yourself on a Wikipedia black hole about."

Damn. And Buck had been hoping he'd get worked up enough to rant about Buck's serious gaps in knowledge in regards to pop culture. He hams it up a bit anyway. "It's when all the dogs are trying to get into heaven."

Tommy digs three fingers into Bucks side, and if they dissolve into a tickle fight five seconds later, Tommy has no one but himself to blame for the elbow to the face that nearly breaks his nose.

[dandelionsresilience]

whether the internet becomes an intolerable surveillance state, ubiquitous subscription model, or unusably ad- or AI-ridden shithole, I think we need to remember

how to do things offline

either on your personal hard drive (just because it’s an app doesn’t mean the information is stored in your device) or on paper. I’m not saying the collapse of the internet is imminent, and I’m not suggesting we do everything completely without technology, or even stop using it until we have to. (to be clear, I also don’t think the internet will just blink out of existence, suddenly stop being a thing at all; rather I think it might continue to lose its usefulness to the point where it’s impossible to get anything done. anyway) but some people may have forgotten how we got by before the internet (I almost have!), and the younger generation might not have experienced it at all.

I figure most people probably use the internet mainly for communication with friends and family, entertainment and creation (eg. writing), and looking up how to do things, so here’s how to do those things offline:

First and most importantly, download everything important to you onto at least one hard drive and at least one flashdrive! files can get corrupted and hardware can get damaged or lost, but as long as you keep backup copies, you have much-closer-to-guaranteed access versus hoping a business doesn’t decide to paywall, purge, or otherwise revoke your access. I would recommend getting irreplaceable photos printed as well

download and/or print/write down:

anything important to you - photos/videos, journals, certificates, college transcripts

contact info - phone numbers and/or addresses of friends/family (know how to contact them if you can’t use your favourite messaging app), doctors (open hours would be good too), veterinarians if you have pets, and work

how-to’s - recipes (one, two), emergency preparedness (what do I do if… eg. I smell gas)

other things you might google: cleaning chemicals to NOT mix, what laundry tag symbols mean, people food dogs and cats can and can’t eat, plant toxicity to pets

and know offline ways to find things out - local radio station, newspaper, a nearby highway rest area might have a region map, public libraries usually have a bunch of resources

also, those of you who get periods should strongly consider not using period tracking apps! here’s how to track your period manually

free printable period tracker templates (no printer? public libraries usually charge a few cents per page, or you can recreate it by hand)

moving on to entertainment, you can still get most media for free! it’s completely legal to download your favourite movies to your own personal hard drive, you just can’t sell or distribute copies (not legal advice)

movies: wcostream.tv (right click the player) - the url changes every once in a while but usually redirects; I recently noticed that it’s hiding a lot of movies behind “premium,” so it may or may not work anymore | download youtube videos

music: how to get music without streaming it | legal free downloads

games: steamunlocked.net - doesn’t have every game and can be slow to update, but very reliable

books: free online libraries | legal free downloads

otherwise passing time:

active outdoor games

for road trips (social verbal games)

for when power’s out

for sheltering in place (not all offline, but good ideas)

board games (often found at thrift stores)

ad-free customisable games collection (mobile)

read, write, draw, or whatever your craft is, sing, dance, clean, reorganise, take a bath

go outside - excuses include napping (if safe), eating, reading, finding cool plants/animals/rocks, playing with the dog

places to go include:

zoos and museums can be surprisingly cheap

parks and nature preserves

library, mall, or game shop

and a few miscellaneous things for good measure:

time budgeting | household management

how to use a planner | I’ve had success with visually blocked-out schedules like these

please add on if you have any other offline alternatives to common uses of the internet!