#really rewarding if you ask me

[matsuofucker]

i come on here once in a blue moon but i love going through the matsuo tag whenever i do because theres always like 5 more posts and it makes me so happy

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

[mintjeru]

i may be less normal about yudrain than i previously thought reference for the text on hope under the cut

open for better quality | no reposts

[peppermintmochafem]

The gentler parts of d/s that i love so much are so misunderstood 😔 like if you think it undermines you as a dom when they can't do the self care things you tell them to you are fundamentally misunderstanding what it means to dom. The dominance is the caring. It's knowing what they need more than them because you know best. It's the fact that they are yours to take care of. It's that they trust you to protect them.

The control isn't over them, it's the control of having something/someone to protect

[canisalbus]

I have pondered about sending this ask, believing I would bother you. But I love to receive compliments, so I think you would too. Your artworks have a softness to them, the most intimate moment are quiet and filled with warmth. You have a way of conveying emotions through body language, down to the smallest of fingers. When pain is shown, it is burning, rough and powerful. You are my biggest inspiration, I always am eager to discover and rediscover your artworks, be it sketch or fully rendered art.

Aw gosh, thank you for your kind words! The way you worded it sounds so poetic, I'm flattered ;_; 🧡

[cnl0400]

... They can't do this to me...

You can't do this to HER!!!!!

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

[puppppppppy]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

[sciderman]

it feels quite poetic to read about how you prefer writing the blog over drawing it. you put so much effort into the art, and you've built your entire career around art, but it feels like your passion lies on the side of literature. i'm kind of going through the reverse, where i'm pursuing a higher education in writing but have recently wondered if i should've done animation instead because i love it so damn much.

i dunno. life is weird.

heh! it is a funny old world - i mean, i've always loved writing, and i actually have been writing long before i got into drawing. i used to write short stories as a kid. like a little freak. what kid is into writing. but i was. but the only person who was ever interested to read my stories was my dad. you know, if a kid hands a page of words at you what are you gonna do with it. my dad thought i was awesome, though. i think he was extra proud because he's a writer too. thought his little one was following in his footsteps. i fancied myself a little novelist. but you know. it was hard to get people to want to read my stories.

there was another kid that was good at drawing that got all the attention. and i said. "well. i could do that." and so then i started drawing. i started making comics, really. i took my stories and drew them out, and suddenly people got interested in my stories.

everyone is so alice-coded. you know.

i made comics. i rarely drew without there being a story and dialogue attached to it. i filled sketchbooks upon sketchbooks with comics. it wasn't really art for art's sake - it wasn't because i wanted to get good at drawing - not really, it was a vessel for my jokes and for my stories. so no matter how crude the illustrations were, it was fine as long as i got the joke or story across. i think you might notice that with my comics still - they're not very polished and i don't labour a lot of time over the art, i don't really care to render everything perfect - i like things loose and quick and imperfect. i'm not very precious. as long as it gets the story across.

so it's funny, really - i started drawing because i wanted to spotlight my writing and get people to read it. i just have to spoon feed it to people, is all. sweeten the deal with pretty pictures. then people will read. so i never left writing. never, never. it was kind of always at the heart of everything i did. i guess i pursued animation because it was a marriage of a lot of things i was interested in. writing, storytelling, drawing - and acting. i was a stupid little theatre kid. and to be a good animator, or any kind of visual storyteller, i think - you need to be a good actor. and you need a good sense of humor. if you don't have those things, you'll be a rotten animator, i think.

i think i'm still in the place where writing was my first love, and i enjoy it the most - but, still in the place where - when there aren't pictures attached, you don't get people's attention. and i love attention.

for a time i really thought i should quit animation and pursue a career in screenplay writing - but, i don't... really know how to go about it. and i'd definitely miss art. i really really love things like character design and visual development and visual storytelling far too much to restrict myself to writing exclusively. but - i don't know, in my free time, when i'm not on the clock, well - writing is more laid back, and more relaxing. less taxing. so i enjoy doing it more. in my free time.

(it may also be because writing isn't a huge part of my day job, so it feels more like an escape. that's why i don't really animate at all when i'm not getting paid for it. i don't do animation for fun. i have fun doing it, sure, but i won't do it unless i'm cutting a check from it. because i don't have the energy for it otherwise. if i'm not making money, i want to do something relaxing, that doesn't feel like work. and that's writing.)

[abirddogmoment]

An excerpt from training for directed retrieves during my coffee break!

Directed retrieves are a really fun gundog exercise where a dog fetches multiple birds or bumpers in a sequence that you (the handler) ask. They can be marked retrieves (where the dog sees where the bumper fell) or blind retrieves (where the dog doesn't see the fall and you have to guide them with your voice and hands). I'm teaching this mostly as an enrichment activity, but it's an important piece for irl hunting retrievers to ensure birds aren't wasted in the field. I started teaching this exercise by throwing kibble in two different directions while she stood in a heel and then releasing her to them one at a time. This was our first try with directed retrieving of bumpers!

In this video I'm asking Rory to get into heel position (and rewarding that heavily because heel position = best place to be), asking her to stand steady while I throw two bumpers, and then directing her to pick up the first bumper I threw.

The duck bumper (the second one) is her preferred bumper so I chose to throw the paint roller to my left - when I put my hand out to line her up, it sort of blocks her view of the duck bumper so she's more likely to go to the one I want even though she likes the other one better.

Because this was the first time we practiced this exercise with bumpers, I wasn't looking for a perfect retrieve to hand - when I sent her to the duck bumper (not in the video), she dropped it at my feet instead of waiting for me to take it. That's no big deal, we can work towards a tighter retrieve after she gets more confident with the game.

We're going to keep practicing indoors for a while and once she's looking confident (and assuming things don't get too icy) we'll start working outside so we can build distance and speed.

I will also keep practicing lining her up (using my hand to guide her line) so we can start working on send-outs for blind retrieves and commitment to running out in a straight line! I have some ideas on how to use very small pieces of food to start this indoors and then we can move it outdoors in the spring.

She's doing awesome though! I'm really happy with her steadiness and her ability to think through puzzles. It's gonna be a fun winter working on these skills!

[frnkiebby]

7

he’s so goddamn cute i stg~🎃

(the game)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

What markers do you use and what kind paper? The textures are so Delicious

Very basic paper, actually! I find I overthink when using expensive stuff and it makes my sketches worse.

As for markers, I use Copics! Not that this is an endorsement (my first set were a very nice gift), but I have really liked using alcohol based markers over water based ones; lovely texture, good blending, and less streaking. However, the price can be *brutal*, and you can very easily get by with other markers + pencil crayons.

[kithj]

Hey sorry for more talking, but since the conversation was happening about gender stuff, reminded me about my own and thought, "hm Kit would probably appreciate hearing this". So, wanted to say that you've helped me further figure out my own gender shit, like categorically have helped me a lot there. When Blood Choke first dropped I was still IDing as soft butch (and not as a gender), but that plus more specifically Lea have helped me figure out I'm genuinely butch (gender). Lea, you locking them in a way, was a huge huge help for me, particularly the partial transition (? dunno better wording) she/her Lea has. Had been stressing a ton at the time about my hormone levels, T specifically, and even crying because I know I couldn't do injections which would help keep it low without an antiandrogen, but seeing the idea of what Lea did, yeah if I didn't make my own T I would absolutely do that it sounds great. So, like has helped me further refine my identity, get more comfortable with my hormone levels and body (at least in some ways; now I have the unfortunate opposite worries about not being masc enough 🙃), and has just been a big help and made me understand myself and my butchness a lot better. Sorry if this is unwanted and TMI and so on, but wanted to say in hopes that it would make you happy to hear, that you've helped, with your characters and lesbian gender posts on the Blood Choke blog, a butch work through its imposter syndrome and shit :)

this is lovely to hear 🥺💕reasons like this are exactly why i chose to keep Lea written that way (there are a lot of butches out there that do exactly what she did, and there are others that continuously take T just because they want to and like it) and also why i eventually gravitated towards a project like Blood Choke.

it took me a long time to kind of "settle" in my butch identity as well, and it wasn't until i started reading older lesbian literature, where butchness is actually openly discussed and celebrated, that i really had that moment of realization. i wish i could read more, especially about transfem butches, but a lot of that stuff is just not easy to access, being out of print, never been digitized, etc etc.

the most well-known piece is probably Xanthra Philippa's "Don't call me mister, 'Cause I'm a TS Butch" from gendertrash from hell, in 1995.

i do think for a lot of people there's that initial hurdle of thinking butch = aesthetic, rather than an actual identity, which leads people to thinking they can't be butch, that they're not "allowed" because they don't look a certain way (aka skinny and white and perfectly androgynous at all times). and with trans women and transfems specifically, there's also this expectation for you to be highly feminine and to conform to cishetero ideals when you transition, and that pressure confines you into a very small box that, imo, takes a lot of courage to finally step out of.

i hope that in the future there will be more of us writing and being loud and visible for other people to see and realize they can be butch too :-)

[kerizaret]

I get worried that I'm misgendering you for some reason so I check your pronouns like 6 tines everytime I come on here. Abd I think that's kinda funny

In other news keri you are so talented and good st art it's actually kinda crazy. Very nice to scroll through your blog a d stare at it I love the attention to detail and the way you draw bodies and hair it's so fluffy and nice and *gets dragged away kicking and screaming*

You're also really good at writing abd workdbuilding and your stories are just as intricate as your art and also just as interesting. Keri why are you perfect

THAT IS FUNNY AUSYA I am but a girl... dw if u misgender me I don't mind HAHS it would be actually very funny

OOUDYDUHEJ YOU CANNOT JUS6 COME IN HERE LIKE THAT AND DISSOLVE ME INTO A BLUSHING MESS OF LOVE LYNNIE HOW ARE U SO NICE TO ME

[blujayonthewing]

the DM playing Hope and her mother had them both react to this as if it was super normal and not a bad idea at all and even, above-table, gave me some pushback on Elyss having strong opinions against it, on the grounds of like, Oh, Well, Times Were Different in Ye Olde Dayes, You Know, and anyway his daughter is six now so I should probably go ahead and get her a dagger, I hear they make great gifts for kindergartners