#really feels so liberating now
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Post activity is at the highest at 4:00 pm EDT; notes peak at 10:00 pm EDT.
Text
something so freeing about saying goodbye to a friendship, even though it's not over
#just how it used to be is over#has been for a long while#but it took me until now to work through what i think were the main issues#and just writing it all down and out of my head and onto a piece of paper i can destroy if i want to#really feels so liberating now#I've been struggling with this for almost 2y now and yeah. saying goodbye is good#maybe the friendship is going to end completely after all. maybe not. time will tell i suppose#and me establishing boundaries within the next few days and if theyre not gonna be accepted#well. bye#maybe after all this and other things keeping me busy i can find the emotion for creating things again#just some lil creative project bc i feel how my braincells have been decaying in that aspect#i am going to enjoy this stupid life i have again.#i am going to be more open emotionally amd socially again.#i got myself out of a far worse mental health crisis before and it was hard and it fucking sucker but i can and will do it again.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
can't believe fnaf brought me out of art hibernation man what a turn of events
#my art#clou's art summary#dca fandom#fnaf security breach#art summary 2024#ayo rant in the tags#like everyone else on this planet my 2024 was tough haha#but it was really good artwise#ngl going back to drawing and being unapologetic about it irl was liberating#fr i met some real irl grinches since going to uni#the kind that make you feel bad about liking stuff other than work#i sorta felt ashamed at first and toned it down to focus solely on work#the fnaf dca worms were too strong though lmao#ngl this fandom is awesome#like#last time i checked what was going on in the arcane fandom and this place is a straight up warzone#also it turns out people work a lot better when they're happy how bizarre#no but really this fandom gave me a good deal of confidence in general :D#like YEA i love robots they're so cool how could anyone not like them#YEA i watch arcane every weekend even though i have mixed feelings about s2 it's a literal work of art#though some irl peps used to make me feel bad about enjoying stuff now whenever i meet one i feel sorry for them instead#especially when you ask them about THEIR hobbies instead and they answer 'idk tiktok?' like bruh#hey you#yeah you#if you're reading this don't feel ashamed of your interests#it's not worth it fr#go crazy have fun#draw that character you like#make a playlist for them#draft that fic you were thinking about
434 notes
·
View notes
Text
Image description: [Black text on lined paper. Text reads: Share your story with the Psych Survivor Archive. Hold the psychiatric system accountable for the violence and coercion we've survived. Make space for our anger. Grieve together. Celebrate our resistance. The Psych Survivor Archive is a forum for psych survivors to share about their experiences and be believed. You can share as much or as little as you want. Your story will be anonymously published on the website with writing from other psych survivors. The archive is open to anyone who identifies as a psych survivor, including people who survived inpatient hospitalization, rehab, troubled teen industry, partial hospitalization, outpatient programs, ABA, and any other form of coercion psych treatment. Check out the prompts, participant rights, and content guidelines. Share your story now: www.psychsurvivorarchive.com/submit-your-story]
Hey everyone. I wanted to share this here as well. The Psych Survivor Archive is looking for anyone who wants to share their story and have it anonymously published on the website, in order to create a collection of our experiences navigating the psych system. Your responses will be anonymous and can be as detailed or vague as you want. On the website, there are prompts, but you can feel free to share in whatever format makes sense to you.
This is a more informal way to participate in the Psych Survivor Archive if you are not interested in creating art for the zine, but still want your story to be heard and validated.
For me, it has felt very cathartic to write out my story, on my terms, in the way that I want to be known. I hope that the archive can offer that space to other psych survivors as well, and I can't wait to keep developing this project and offering even more. In the next couple weeks, submissions will open up for the second edition of the zine, so if you're interested in submitting creative art or writing keep an eye out!
love and solidarity always <3
#personal#psych survivor#antipsych#survivingpsych#mad liberation#mad pride#madpunk#neurodivergent#mental illness#psych abolition#antipsychiatry#thank you SO much to everyone who's submitted stories so far. they are now live on the website#for me i process through writing. it means a lot to feel seen#and this is a small thing that i would like. to do with other people as well. idk#i know writing and sharing is really not everyone's thing and that's totally okay. as always there's#no pressure to participate. just an option#hopefully will be publishing some more zines soon about basic antipsych topics which would be lovely
480 notes
·
View notes
Text
fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
315 notes
·
View notes
Text
it does something incomprehensible to my little writer’s soul whenever alex articulates a phenomenon of the writing process i’ve always picked up on and then goes on to describe it in exactly the same way
#when i first heard him say this when i was watching the interview i legit had to pause the video for a moment#because it was like he’d actually taken my words straight out of my mouth#literally for years i’ve been fascinated by the little timeless pocket between dusk and dawn where there’s so much freedom#to explore creativity uninhibited and unobserved and without fear of consequence#the way it allows you to create things almost as if they don’t really exist#or like the rest of the world doesn’t#and the magic of that freedom#like if you create things on the cusp of dreams it’s almost as if they don’t count#they’re liberated from any usual self doubt or self criticism that invades the imaginative space during the daylight#why am i making myself sound like a creative vampire 😭#i’m going to stop rambling in the tags now sorry#i fear absolutely none of this makes sense#kudos to anyone who’s read the whole way through this#the gist of what i’m trying to say is that it’s such a special feeling when someone whose writing you adore and connect to so much#puts into words elements of the process that have always resonated with you#and this is just one example too#right i’m going to stop rambling now#but one last thing before i go#on a more superficial note: can we appreciate how softly spoken and soft fluffy haired he is here?? 🥺#alex turner#humbug era#arctic monkeys#alex vid#lulu posts
162 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sigh. I Hated the guy for his hockey but he's Like That too huh? -_-
also before people start trying to equate sid with what the rat did can i just say that i watched both the 2016 visit and the 2017 visit and sid's behavior was completely different - right up front in 2016, lots of photos, big smiles. Vs 2017 it was very obviously just a formality and sid said nothing. (also also the rat didnt say anything about who he voted for he just parroted the usual southern patriotic line? I dont see why people are jumping to conclusions that he is a diehard conservative from this? I dont think this totally negates the efforts i have seen from the rat in promoting LGBQT rights in a very very red state like florida. Not to defend a guy whose hockey i hate or anything. I just dont think fans should start getting angry at other fans who are willing to overlook this comment, or forget that the rat has said he believes everyone belongs in a hockey locker room during an era in the league where this is not the most popular stance)
(but also blacklisting the rat's name on tumblr works VERY well i should know, lol. Him and the candy cane chicago guy are my two blacklisted names. Its like they dont even exist anymore :P)
(but also i know how hard it hurts to realize that someone you admire from a distance might actually treat you like shit in real life just because of what 'other' group you belong to, so my sympathies to fans going through it right now)
#Blah blah blah i am very lucky because i have a strong feeling#That my favorite at least can see straight through the orange cheetos bullshit#Do i think artemi has as liberal political views as i do?#Probably not. But in the past couple years at least bread seems much more open minded#And not one to fall for the insane fascist nonsense happening in the US right now#Geno? Is a bit more of a question i try not to think about that one. He is very apolitical#He is too well connected to the upper echelons of society and his wife is...well...That#But if you sat geno down alone without any outside influences and asked him#If he believed in equal rights for all humankind i think he would say yes#So i hold onto that lol#Boots penguins liveblog#you know what this reminds me of?#the way fans idolize someone...until the minute they find out something *Bad* about them and then#suddenly it just switches to unadulterated hatred#makes me extremely uncomfortable because like if they hadnt idolized the person in the first place#and instead looked at that person as a human being with flaws#they wouldnt also decide to hate this person - who has not changed btw! just the perception of them has changed - as vehemently as they do#i always think about j*oss wh*edon and how while everyone was hailing him as this feminist god#i was one of the lone voices pointing out that hey some of his older writing material was kinda creepy and sexist in some ways#so i liked his work enjoyed it a lot but also didnt idolize him#and when he had the fall from his godlike pedestal i didnt experience that hatred everyone else felt#it was more like shit yeah i saw that darker side of him from the start in some of the microagressions he would write#but that didnt stop the good parts of his work from being really damn good???#i dunno maybe i am too moderate sometimes or too willing to overlook things
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just got a mail from my MdB (SPD) on why he will vote against the AfD Verbotsprüfung. I know i shouldn't put faith into A. liberal activism and B. the SPD having a spine but the Verbot was my last hope in this system despite knowing it's pitfalls - and now it's gone.
#i'm a fencesitter. i know and fully agree that liberal democracy will always enable fascist powers to rise again#and that i should put energy into communist action instead. the theory checks out.#but i often see takes that would reject any positive change so as not to take away momentum from the revolution and i don't agree with that#since lets be honest there isn't a lot of momentum right now in the first place and even voting is getting more results rn.#and if i were to disengage - what would i do instead. realistically.#either become a dkp karteileiche or get kicked out of the ko (the party one) because i cannot meet the active participation requirements#so i'm not going to dismiss liberal action. i've been writing plenty MdBs about the Verbotsprüfung and enticing others to do the same.#and next i gotta try using my BPD superpowers to manipulate the SPD MdB into feeling really bad and maybe change his mind. Any ideas?#because a reply á la “oh ok then sorry for bothering you” won't cut it. gotta put pressure on.#and he actually read my entire mail and didn't use a template to reply like the cdu wankers did! so chances are he will read my reply.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
watching all of 911 just so i can write more accurate fanfiction about evan buckley
#or at least know what im retconning#(also it's nice to have a little show but i think im just in a slow stretch where i need to remind myself why)#i watched the first half of s8 then went to the beginning now im up to s4e11#premiere of 8 has not been topped that shit was too good#but season 1 was really strong too the full moon ep instantly iconic#i feel where i am now is lacking some of the silliness#so im just waiting around for boys to kiss#u can tell they were laying the groundwork for buck from the beginning#they did a really good job with michael too that surgeon is too hot for him tho#i thought i would like eddie more but i only like him with the mustache ❤️#actually i liked his fight club plot and wished it went on longer and i wish him and buck fought. i dont ship it but that's almost the same#then it's like did he just say bagram??? bruh#ik there's a video essay i watched some of it before i watched show but i wanna finish show before i revisit that#it is Very Interesting#it's kind of like fast and furious for liberals#or at least what i imagine fast and furious is like#i think it's weakest when they try to do mysteries/crime#i like that shit the show just isnt built for it idk#best are just big visual setpieces manouvering and problem solving#the little rear window bit was a fun one tho#anyway evan buckley is a great name#he's a firefighter :)#i would get along poorly in this universe i'm not emotionally vulnerable enough#i'm definitely the most like josh lol#i want to cling to buck or eddie that's one thing the show gets right every time
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hum. I think I just found out my gender identity.
#🦋musings#I won’t say it yet since I don’t like people assigning stereotypes on me but uh#its more of a how I see myself kind of thing#like being a ‘woman’ is like. just what you are functionally and socially with the most experience of being#but other times I am either a little guy that doesn’t mind being feminine#like being a woman is a drag persona level stuff#or a genderless entity that is apathetic towards how I am referred to#I don’t feel extreme dysphoria but I do feel like ‘:/ not really it chief’#but I do feel a kind of euphoria when Im referred by masculine titles idk#not that I hate being a woman/im not a woman at all; I do like womanhood too#but yeah they/them for the most part lmao#was afraid to come out since a platonic ex of mine was spouting about what genders were ‘real’ and ‘fake’#‘I must use my REAL ASSIGNED GENDER PRONOUNS or I am a TRENDER!!’ + other platonic ex was already using she/her on me without asking anyway#and it always felt off/sometimes demeaning in the way that they say it#aOh and don’t get me started on how people started to treat me once I started using she/her I swear some of y’all#and the fetishy babyfied way people treated me when I used masculine titles and pronouns#ANYHOW#and even thought it didn’t fully fit with me + the misogyny felt awful I thought I was a wannabe liar for wanting to explore myself#then realized after leaving that I can in fact be all and neither because that’s only for me to decide#not that there’s anything wrong with feminine identity; I just resent how people treat you due to the simple difference of your identity#GOD the more I look into 2019 until 2021 I realize how god awful of a place I was in#yeah I’m washed up old and nobody gives a shit cause I’m not giving them free art but life is so liberating now#I HAVE NO MASTERS NOR CREEDS TO HEED TO!#fuck them bitches!!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel so like. Isolated in my specific gender identity lately
#txt#op#so for context. i have been on T since i was 15 (so 7 years now) annnd it was lifesaving for me. genuinely#but these days i want to present more fem. and i identify more as gender fluid rather than just tmasc#its just isolating bc i am literally an afab person trying to pass as fem sometimes and Cant#because i have really thick stubble and body hair and very masculine features like my hands and legs and shoulders#so i feel like. the Trans Population at large sees me as like. an outlier. because where do you put someone like me?#who transitioned so young and tried so desperately to get as far away from femininity as possible#only to grow up and be like damn it kind of sucks a bit that i cant pass as a little more fluid#like. i am in the heart of an issue that is fundamentally about gender liberation AND YET i feel SO isolated from other trans ppl#even nb people. like is anyone out there? i feel so alone in this. i just wish i had someone who relates#this is actually really hard on me. and uncomfortable. and dysphoric. im sad.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
about to vent in the tags real quick gonna be annoying and emo sorry in advance
#I’m back in my hometown this weekend bc my sister had a birthday party today and I baked cake pops for it and made her a bday sign#and tomorrow is my mom’s birthday too#and my (insane) set of grandparents are here this weekend so it’s already exhausting#bc my grandmother is very narcissistic and she talks incessantly#but then I feel left out and lame and it’s just triggering teenage memories#bc my younger brother and younger sister are going with their partners to hang out with each other#and I didn’t get invited#well technically I guess but my mom literally had to be like ‘make sure to invite Oma’#and then my siblings are like oh yeah you know you can come#like no I don’t want to come now bc it feels like a pity invite#and now it just reminds me that I’m the black sheep of the family#in the sense of I’m the ‘weird’ one#I’m the one that doesn’t fit in culturally with where I grew up#(I grew up with rural small town Alabama btw)#and a part of me is so proud and happy I don’t fit in#I have my own convictions and beliefs and interests outside of the way I grew up#but also it’s kind of isolating in a way from my own family#like i know im seen as the liberal one who moved to the city and who isn’t ‘country’#plus because I had a really bad anxiety disorder growing up and I isolated myself due to it I’m seen as weird or standoffish#anyway#i’ll probably delete this later#just needed to type it out
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Isnt it crazy how yes, my liberation notes makes me feel seen in some parts, it also makes me want to die for the things that i dont have compared to the characters
#with that i specifically mean friends#is that really the one thing that will set me apart from everyone?#people will have relationship problems money problems job problems family problems#and all of them have friends. is it bc there really is no end in sight for any problem when you dont have friends?#i dont have anyone to talk to every evening about how my life is if i wanted to#sometimes i want to get it all out anyway and write it down somewhere#or on the very very rare occassion snap a friend. but i always feel like a left over person by doing that#i feel as if i'm so so desperate to talk to someone#lately i've been feeling lost in that gap i feel in my life#i have stopped hoping there's an end to this#at least for now i've stopped hoping. i hoped and tried and failed for so long i feel exhausted#i dont want to expect anything. bc then nothing comes out of it anyways and i feel awful just horrible. more than i would without expectatio#i dont know what's worse. to keep trying and hoping or to keep wandering around in that gap feeling lost#nesi rants#my liberation notes
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.
Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.
#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it#i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking#that so many people on here reinforce#i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this#because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot#most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls#and...that's fine! If people have fun at it!#not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud#ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one#it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly#after abstaining for my meds for so long#i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home#loved it best day ever#anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt#bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign#i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free#thats the case at my main one anyway#i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things#i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong '#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive#i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues#why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway???#eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors#i just don't feel it ruins pride personally#it's mildly annoying and that's all#eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason
4 notes
·
View notes