#really feels so liberating now
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something so freeing about saying goodbye to a friendship, even though it's not over
#just how it used to be is over#has been for a long while#but it took me until now to work through what i think were the main issues#and just writing it all down and out of my head and onto a piece of paper i can destroy if i want to#really feels so liberating now#I've been struggling with this for almost 2y now and yeah. saying goodbye is good#maybe the friendship is going to end completely after all. maybe not. time will tell i suppose#and me establishing boundaries within the next few days and if theyre not gonna be accepted#well. bye#maybe after all this and other things keeping me busy i can find the emotion for creating things again#just some lil creative project bc i feel how my braincells have been decaying in that aspect#i am going to enjoy this stupid life i have again.#i am going to be more open emotionally amd socially again.#i got myself out of a far worse mental health crisis before and it was hard and it fucking sucker but i can and will do it again.
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Image description: [Black text on lined paper. Text reads: Share your story with the Psych Survivor Archive. Hold the psychiatric system accountable for the violence and coercion we've survived. Make space for our anger. Grieve together. Celebrate our resistance. The Psych Survivor Archive is a forum for psych survivors to share about their experiences and be believed. You can share as much or as little as you want. Your story will be anonymously published on the website with writing from other psych survivors. The archive is open to anyone who identifies as a psych survivor, including people who survived inpatient hospitalization, rehab, troubled teen industry, partial hospitalization, outpatient programs, ABA, and any other form of coercion psych treatment. Check out the prompts, participant rights, and content guidelines. Share your story now: www.psychsurvivorarchive.com/submit-your-story]
Hey everyone. I wanted to share this here as well. The Psych Survivor Archive is looking for anyone who wants to share their story and have it anonymously published on the website, in order to create a collection of our experiences navigating the psych system. Your responses will be anonymous and can be as detailed or vague as you want. On the website, there are prompts, but you can feel free to share in whatever format makes sense to you.
This is a more informal way to participate in the Psych Survivor Archive if you are not interested in creating art for the zine, but still want your story to be heard and validated.
For me, it has felt very cathartic to write out my story, on my terms, in the way that I want to be known. I hope that the archive can offer that space to other psych survivors as well, and I can't wait to keep developing this project and offering even more. In the next couple weeks, submissions will open up for the second edition of the zine, so if you're interested in submitting creative art or writing keep an eye out!
love and solidarity always <3
#personal#psych survivor#antipsych#survivingpsych#mad liberation#mad pride#madpunk#neurodivergent#mental illness#psych abolition#antipsychiatry#thank you SO much to everyone who's submitted stories so far. they are now live on the website#for me i process through writing. it means a lot to feel seen#and this is a small thing that i would like. to do with other people as well. idk#i know writing and sharing is really not everyone's thing and that's totally okay. as always there's#no pressure to participate. just an option#hopefully will be publishing some more zines soon about basic antipsych topics which would be lovely
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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Hey here's an angle on the Jiang family dynamic and its impact on Wei Wuxian that I haven't seen discussed:
Wei Wuxian grew up seeing Jiang Yanli routinely having her agency cut off and denied in both large (betrothal) and small ways. That were largely tied up in her gender, sure, but this was also a family containing Yu Ziyuan. A daughter in this household had every chance of having her gender treated as of secondary importance.
She just had to earn it.
The way Jiang Yanli was hemmed in and her potential as an independent actor dismissed was at least as strongly correlated with her failure to be a powerful sword cultivator.
So Wei Wuxian's total refusal to let anyone know that he'd lost access to his cultivation and his violent reactivity against being diminished or condescended to during his Sunshot-to-death period, when before he was pretty immune to being looked down on, could have a lot to do with having been presented with this clearly labeled diagram of how your personhood gets stripped away when you are, by the standards of your society, disabled.
#hoc est meum#like jiang cheng's desire to die about it also has this#but he had some specific shame issues#and the realistic assessment that rebuilding his sect and getting revenge was now impractical#and his problem was never really feeling like his place in the world was actually going to be taken#just like he failed to deserve it#whereas wwx had his secrets to keep but even after he'd lived up to most of his obligations#during this period#and i think it's what he's so mad at himself about looking back#during the Empathy flashback#that he valued his pride and clinging to his status when it turned out#it did jack-all to help and he got everyone killed#(Present-Day wwx is not an objective source on himself lmao)#and this in turn is why in the present-time of the novel he's so willing to lean into the indignity of mo xuanyu#he now has nothing to lose and it's liberating#but during his march-toward-death era having any more of his self-respect and conceptual status stripped away was agony#because it felt like an unpersoning#and some of the disability angles around this come up in fandom sometimes but#the fact that he internalized the idea that not having this specific type of power means you lose your personal freedom looking at jyl#doesn't really#and i think she Very Much informed his relationship to#power gender disability and#marriage#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli
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it does something incomprehensible to my little writer’s soul whenever alex articulates a phenomenon of the writing process i’ve always picked up on and then goes on to describe it in exactly the same way
#when i first heard him say this when i was watching the interview i legit had to pause the video for a moment#because it was like he’d actually taken my words straight out of my mouth#literally for years i’ve been fascinated by the little timeless pocket between dusk and dawn where there’s so much freedom#to explore creativity uninhibited and unobserved and without fear of consequence#the way it allows you to create things almost as if they don’t really exist#or like the rest of the world doesn’t#and the magic of that freedom#like if you create things on the cusp of dreams it’s almost as if they don’t count#they’re liberated from any usual self doubt or self criticism that invades the imaginative space during the daylight#why am i making myself sound like a creative vampire 😭#i’m going to stop rambling in the tags now sorry#i fear absolutely none of this makes sense#kudos to anyone who’s read the whole way through this#the gist of what i’m trying to say is that it’s such a special feeling when someone whose writing you adore and connect to so much#puts into words elements of the process that have always resonated with you#and this is just one example too#right i’m going to stop rambling now#but one last thing before i go#on a more superficial note: can we appreciate how softly spoken and soft fluffy haired he is here?? 🥺#alex turner#humbug era#arctic monkeys#alex vid#lulu posts
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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about to vent in the tags real quick gonna be annoying and emo sorry in advance
#I’m back in my hometown this weekend bc my sister had a birthday party today and I baked cake pops for it and made her a bday sign#and tomorrow is my mom’s birthday too#and my (insane) set of grandparents are here this weekend so it’s already exhausting#bc my grandmother is very narcissistic and she talks incessantly#but then I feel left out and lame and it’s just triggering teenage memories#bc my younger brother and younger sister are going with their partners to hang out with each other#and I didn’t get invited#well technically I guess but my mom literally had to be like ‘make sure to invite Oma’#and then my siblings are like oh yeah you know you can come#like no I don’t want to come now bc it feels like a pity invite#and now it just reminds me that I’m the black sheep of the family#in the sense of I’m the ‘weird’ one#I’m the one that doesn’t fit in culturally with where I grew up#(I grew up with rural small town Alabama btw)#and a part of me is so proud and happy I don’t fit in#I have my own convictions and beliefs and interests outside of the way I grew up#but also it’s kind of isolating in a way from my own family#like i know im seen as the liberal one who moved to the city and who isn’t ‘country’#plus because I had a really bad anxiety disorder growing up and I isolated myself due to it I’m seen as weird or standoffish#anyway#i’ll probably delete this later#just needed to type it out
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I keep getting this one attack ad on youtube that’s like “Tammy Baldwin is for they/them, not us” and I’m like Eric you don’t have to sell it to me
#she’s awful in some ways for sure. obviously leagues better than the alternative but like#eugh#still feels gross voting for someone who gets so much support from aipac#and like I’m gonna be real#supporting the governor vetoing a ban on gender affirming care is good ofc but like. her own work w queer shit is basically just#‘yeah your gay marriage is still valid in Wisconsin’#like cmon Tammy I thought you were for they/them#she wasn’t involved but I’m thinking now about at least one of those bills that I went to the public hearing for#wore my trans flag as a cape lmao#a guy did come into the Capitol with a loaded gun while it was happening so that was terrifying#idk man.#thinking in particular about one kid on puberty blockers who kept getting interrupted and he was so fucking brave#I hate that a middle schooler has to be so fucking brave#he should’ve been in school he shouldn’t have been fighting for this#thinking about another person who came up and silently did their t injection and then shrugged and was like ‘that’s it’ and walked out#ugh I hate this state I hate this state I hate this state#I hate that even Madison is still so conservative under the liberal veneer#there is compassion in the community but I am not really a part of it#I am excited to get back to Vermont idk#not to my parents’ house necessarily lmao. but I love Vermont a lot#I just. don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want the people I love to be afraid.
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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So maybe this is just me, and I really can’t speak for everyone who’s non-binary, but if you ARE non-binary and interested in seeing the Barbie movie, just don’t go in expecting any revolutionary takes about gender or feminism beyond the milquetoast neoliberal slurry we already get from, like, Law and Order SVU and shit like that. Go see it if you want (the production design is genuinely the best I’ve ever seen for ANY film), but don’t go in with super high expectations :(
#Barbie#the Barbie movie#Anyways I really really didn’t like it. I can’t even summarize my entire thoughts on it rn cuz I’m still feeling#Angry and fucking. Sick to my stomach#About how you can just say ‘progressive’ buzzwords now and liberals will lap it up like honey. I’m so mad#REMEMBER: first and foremost this is a movie MADE BY MATTEL. ABOUT THE MATTEL BRAND. Don’t expect anything extraordinary or groundbreaking.#I went in expecting something like that for some reason (I think some posts on tumblr mischaracterized the film for me in all honesty.)#And now I’m reaping the consequences!#Disappointment and frustration hurt so bad. I now remember why I’m so fucking cynical about films and expect disappointment :/.#It’s always easier to handle when you expect it. Cuz now I feel like a fool for even hoping it could’ve been great.#mine#Just some thoughts#gender? i hardly know her!#media analysis
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honestly. I don't really have a lot of interest in jjk anymore, which is super frustrating as the story foundation is really interesting. I have my favorite characters, and I'm not really interested in reading beyond this point.
As a whole, I'm not a huge fan of dropping stories just because they don't go the way you want. In general I personally try not to do this, but stories where the author clearly hates the material or the audience so much they're willing to destroy the story to do so are not enjoyable. I really don't think gege even really likes writing jjk anymore.
There may be some change that I hear about months from now where something worked out one way or the other, but in general I feel like this story is not going to resolve in a way that feels like reading it was a worthwhile experience. And like, for good OR bad. Not every story has a happy ending, but this is really not particularly interesting and I don't feel the need to continue a story where the writer isn't even interested in what happens or how it advances anything outside of their personal pettiness. Feels very much like grr Martin. All the meaningless death and abuse without any real redeeming qualities.
I'm trying to remind myself that not every author wants to be a storyteller. Not every story is good. It's ok to read stories that aren't the best simply because you want to see where it goes, but gege isn't superior in some way, and i dont 'trust that he's cooking'. Even if the story turns around in an interesting or strategic way, I really am not particularly impressed. Ordinarily I would stay along for the ride, but I can't bring myself to care about something even the author doesn't care about. :/
#jjk spoilers#idk i really just dont have any expectations anymore#i love reading books apart from manga and ive had to put down a few because they felt like this#and i have almost always found that in the end my perception of the author and their story was accurate#it makes me sad seeing this unfold in this way#but the shibuya arc which is apparently the least ljked arc in the series#is stretching on forever and people arent enjoying it#anecdotally ive seen a lot of people drop the series#and eventually its just gojng to be all the grimdark losers who unironically love shit like this#it just feels very much like a story for men who hate people#it feels like all the weirdos who made the joker their personality and all the dudes who cant breathe without talking about fight club#or like.. say shit about how the liberals are ruining media like thats the kind of person i see talking about jjk most of the time now#using slurs and not even having intelligent conversations about what's happening#the conversation is usually 'sukuna mid no cap' 'are you stupid gojo is mid stop copium'#and that exchange is repeated over and over like. you have nothing else to add at this point?#i mean i know its primarily bc honestly there really isnt any depth to the story beyond that but my god#what an insufferable way to write or receive a story#and honestly!! i really dont feel like jjk fits into a kids story category at this point#so i do actually feel ljke it is reasonable to expect better writing#not that stories aimed toward kids are bad but one piece is a good example of a story geared more towards children or young adults#adults CAN enjoy it but oda intentionally does not make the story so upsetting that kids cant read it and feel reflected in the events#but jjk is very very different and i think the drop in the quality of writing is reflected in the growing toxicity of the fanbase#anyways.. if you read jjk & youre feeling upset its ok to step away and check in once a month when you can mentally / emotionally prepare#i had to enforce a no read/watch accountability pact with my friends because it was making their depression worse again#no story is worth your health. gege does not give a flying fuck about you. you need to take care of yourself.#im just enjoying my sandbox with the characters and when the story is over ill check back in#theres no right way to experience the story but if its not healthy for you#you wont miss anything by unplugging#and you may find that you really dont want to get back into it when you read it again to check on the story every once in a while#jjk 237
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I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.
Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.
#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it#i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking#that so many people on here reinforce#i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this#because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot#most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls#and...that's fine! If people have fun at it!#not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud#ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one#it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly#after abstaining for my meds for so long#i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home#loved it best day ever#anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt#bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign#i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free#thats the case at my main one anyway#i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things#i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong '#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive#i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues#why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway???#eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors#i just don't feel it ruins pride personally#it's mildly annoying and that's all#eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason
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woah dude this taylor swift lady is kind of good at singing song
#text#like i know shes the most popular singer in like.the world and sheis a liberal#BUT im listening to music really loud eirght now and i am IN the song right like i'm in there#waough. instrments#BUT. like shes kind of good at it LIke i see why shes so famous actually#i w as telling my friend tthis i feel like taylor seift shouldve been like. a relatively unknown artist and not This Famous#and i wouldve been so good at gatekeepoign her
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Watching some of the 02 era movies today and I really miss when they didn’t whitewash the absolute fuck out of Daisuke ):
#digimon#daisuke motomiya#dinu yells into the void#dinu yells in the void#also im aware its a wwird order to watch thr 02 movies before the show itself#but listen man. i havent been doing well lately. i#this is to help me get back to the digimon watchthrough.#in general i have really huge issues with digimons insane whitewashing in the past few years#it feels like since its become more niche as a franchise theyve started catered more and more to a very specific audience#and that audience in their eyes has no room for say. darker skinned people. or black people.#its just. arghhhhh. i love digimon so much but the racism problem it has is absolutely diabolical#owen from liberators is the closest we've come to an actual dark skinned character in eons and hes from a comic online only medium#im making this non rebloggable because i literally am not dealing with racist idiots. im just not. if youre going to be an asshole im just#blocking you.#but this has been a topic on my mind for months now and i needed some way to vent it out
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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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