visitationinstasis

[visitationinstasis]

response to my intro biology lab professor who said he couldn't give me accommodations without me reaching out to accessibility (who wouldn't help me without a diagnosis) since he was worried he would get in trouble, or that it would be unfair or: why i changed my major from biology to english

no, a more comfortable chair wouldn't improve my attendance.

[visitationinstasis]

content warning: medical trauma/gaslighting, ableism, blood, and needles

sanguine vessels

i often recall that which was taken from me

that unimaginable volume of my own vitality

upon stepping into the parlor of that individual who clearly knew everything there was to know,

i felt no dread, no doubt-

clearly, this person was going to fix me

so confident was she, in fact,

that she didn’t even bother gracing me with her own presence-

rather, her subordinates had been the ones delegated to grace me

with their tests, their uncertainties, their

Needles.

was this saint truly so informed if our only encounter had been a phone call?

why do you need this much blood?

can anyone hear me?

i got my reply months later

that which had come to define my every moment, waking or otherwise,

was reduced to insignificance.

the remedies offered to me were worthless,

nothing i hadn’t already attempted

nothing that worked.

will some light jogging and stricter diet really make me able to walk without falling, stop

me from choking on my own air?

I want my blood back.

[visitationinstasis]

stranglehold

whenever you come for a visit you take the air out of my lungs

your call to me fills my sight with constellations both beautiful and terrifying

your arrival always reminds me that i have a heart,

something once quiet screams to be noticed by you

so much screaming it hurts

but for all the visions and aches

something else about you reminds me of family

is it the fact they introduced us to one another?

or could it be the way they try to ignore that you’re even there

i would ignore you if i could

but i guess you won’t let that happen,

will you?

you take my breath away