#really considering going back to my old account tbh

[puckpocketed]

hello i was tagged by @18minutemajor for WIP Wednesday. it is not Wednesday but i am also not a cop so . here we gooo!!!!!!! tagging my esteemed colleagues (very politely and with no pressure!!!):

@neonfretra @oensible @sorrellegiance @moregraceful @stereax

@wheelsnipecelebrini

@korshrimpski (EDIT: it won’t?? let me tag you. unless these are on separate lines <3)

what's in-progress in your life <3 writing? art? recipe? skill acquisition?

if any crafty people see this - if ANYONE sees this - and would like to join in, feel free and consider yourself tagged <3 (and tag me back so i can see your stuff!!!) link to 18minutemajor's post if yall curious :3 my VERY long wip dump + ramblings under the cut!

its christmas soon and i like to paint gifts for my friends + and i'm finally revisiting my anime/lineart/inking era (here you are K!! my lineart past, present, and future!! <3) so here are some things i've been working on/coming back to/MAY NEVER FINISH: hockey related:

this is juraj slafkovsky and his dinky little middle part which he can absolutely learn to style into something a little less dinky but never does. i am so charmed by him. i imagine he just rocks it because his pretty privilege supersedes dinky middle parts . LMAO!!

here is Sasuke from my Naruto Hockey AU. I am a little stuck on jersey mockups lol. here he is. our haunted little 1OA who is absolutely normal and regular about his captain (LOUD incorrect buzzer):

personal oc art

wanna know some puckpocketed deep lore? i've never been one to make OCs. i was just not a very creative kid tbh. spent all my time drawing sailor moon instead. i still go back to her sometimes because she is one of my favourite shapes in the WORLD!!

in my 20s i took up playing d&d because of the. uh. plague. <3 and got pretty close to having OCs!! those count right? anyway. here is my tavern-wench-turned-wizard!!! i think i painted this 2 years ago? <- put dates on your works guys it saves lives. her name is Mel (short for Melins (pronounced like melons. on account of her knockers. can you tell i never grew out of my 12 yr old booby/cock joke era?) i revisited Mel recently and have started painting her in earnest again!! :3

I briefly dated someone who was very into streetwear and fashion, and I fell down a techwear/gorpcore/cyberpunk rabbit hole for a couple days out of curiosity. i remember literally zero salient info on any of it except the broad strokes of silhouetting and Vibes. what i emerged with, however, was a ?? sorta OC?? im not sure what to call them. they dont rly have a name or gender. I did this little sheet ages ago + the aborted attempt at a portrait later:

Here are my most recent explorations (i have been doing SOOOO much art. <3) which include:

unfinished character sheet + chibi art. I played with their jacket (much more structured/square/tailored thing) and added a lotta random buckles and belts. i took textiles class years ago and have a little experience in garment construction. and i know for a fact this thing does not make any sense. it hurts me to look at a little bit LMAO so i've paused it while i go draft patterns (badly. i was never good at drafting. i think i may have to break out my scrap fabric stash and hand sew a real life mock-up. HELP!)

here is me having fun with them and imagining them as some kind of cyber-fisherman. the best part of every game is the fishing mini-game to me. i love fishing mini-games so much. I made their hair really big because i wanted them to have big unwieldy hair and the vibes told me i should add more movement to the piece aside from the fishing line. I messed with their jacket AGAIN because i can't stop thinking about what kinda jacket they'd wear. gorp-core ? idk. it sure is something!

gifts for my friends :3

back in my weeb era for real YAYYYY!!! up til now i'd been making hockey art using a zero pressure sensitivity pen brush because i simply did NOT want to deal with that. it is and has always been a barrier to me making art that uses line art. <3 easing my way back into it though!

I used to paint gifts for my friends and then get them printed into lil posters and mount them on nice backing :3 i am now ready and back to painting.

Here is my girlbestie's OC. just a rough pose sketch. i think im pretty unsatisfied with the gesture of the head/hand. i wanted to include her gun in some way. i fear i may have to rework the pose entirely <3

For the genshin girlies.. here are some of my friends fave characters.

Yelan - this one i started many holidays ago and put on the backburner because the colouring was wigging me out. you can see where i started rendering stuff + got sidetracked and started on something else (the crystal choker IM LAUGHING @ past me...)

Ayaka - I reaaally like what i did here with the perspective + foreshortening. I don't know if the pose or expression is in-character or not, but i had fun :3 got stunlocked looking at references of genshin weapons so this is where i left off:

if you made it all the way down here hi... <3 ice hockey really cracked the ketchup bottle open for me when it comes to making art again. i love the communities i've found, and i'm inspired by every artist on here every day. thanks for being so cool + have a great day :)

[jjmorelikeotp]

Okay so I am watching BTVS for the first time in my life & I'm currently on season 6 E 14, and one thing I really really love is how Spike is just so...comitted.

With Angel, I personally had the feeling he was grieving the person he could be, all sad and sappy in his misery that kinda clung around him all the time (ik we're calling spike a drama queen but. THAT MAN? Depressed himbo vibes. No offense.) Even though he had a soul, there was this feeling of self pity in him - and it makes sense considering the fact he probably knew that one true moment of happiness would turn him back into a monster, and that is rly depressing tbh.

Does not change the fact that Buffy being underage when being with him is totally absurd and predatory, there, I said it.

He is kind of the big scary monster guy and sometimes she does seem like a normal 16 year old, and by that, naive or simply, young.

It made me feel like she was prey, not gonna lie.

It is what stopped him from truly comitting to Buffy. I mean yeah, their love was pure and they definetely are soulmates in some way. They truly affected each other's fate.

But this is where Spike is different than Angel as well. He is truly COMITTED to what he's doing, he is all in for buffy. Like, the way he offers to make money for her when she needs it? That offer is NOT a deal-kind-of-offer. He truly wants to help her and it is so casually because he already is in full partner mode, in whatever way she needs. Offering comfort when she has to work a double shift (yeah by fucking outside, mkay, just the spuffy way ig) like that because he is actually afraid she will lose her sanity? Even though they drive each other insane? Yeah these scenes are not talked about enough.

In that same scenario, Angel never even would have showed up. He would have waited in front of the building after Buffy ended her shift, maybe. He never even offered to be in her life like that, while both of them found a million excuses for it. But Spike does not. He just simply does stuff that COULD be the solution if he ever even thought of them being a problem.

And I think that is also why he's so pissed about Buffy going on and off about him - to Angel, she seemed so comitted, but to him, he just does not seem to be able to.

And again, it make sense, but I also think we don't talk enough about the fact that Buffy did indeed kill Angel, when it wasn't even necessary as in "he was soulless and a monster" anymore. Even though she loved him. But only when she had a really really good reason/purpose.

So one thing that might be also pushing her away from spike is the thought of having to do that again, and desperately trying to find the purpose without being able to.

He makes her choose wether she wants to be the prey or the hunter in this. On purpose. To show her her options and her power because she never really got to experience both sides / perspectives with Angel OR Riley.

So while she tries to figure out 1. Her reason why she should kill him (which should be a very very valid one so she can bring up the power to do so) 2. Her life's purpose in general, he just ... delivers purpose, not to her, but as in, her being the purpose. That's what he acts like and That's what she can't handle. Yes, she is the reason he is trying to change, but also, he puts her in the Position of being the purpose of him doing that.

Showing her the self responsibility and ability to be her own purpose and make her own decisions. (After her friends all kind of screwed up that kind of SELF responsibility.) He really does man up in this show, and like I said, these are just my thoughts watching it for the first time (did not see angel the series yet).

He is also holding her accountable even though he has a soft spot for her, and she is not used to that. She treats him like a man, yes, but he treats her like an equal as well and always has. She is used being looked down upon by adults or the council, enemies, blablablah, also her friends who "saved" her earlier this season, or being the superslayer hero and leader who has to do everything. She is always in positions. Even with angel, she was, it kind of stopped when they broke up but even then, he treats her like she does not know SHIT. Something is standing between them and always has been, and while Angel kind of used that as an excuse to keep distant and keep their walls up, Spike uses these exact walls as a reason or challenge to tear them down. Spike never acts like things are not his fault even if they are horrible, he just simply accepts his dark side while still having a normal one, with passions on tv and card games and whatever. He *subconciously* takes responsibility even before having a soul, for stuff he did, he doesn't blame his vampire side or whatever for it.

I think in subtext, Buffy always had a slight commitment to angel, as in "maybe, one day, it can still happen" while angel cut off all those hopes for himself (not his desires, maybe. But his ... solution oriented search or smth) as we can see when he visits her at her mom's funeral.

And one other reason why Buffy is so terrified of that whole Spike thing is because it makes her stop that hope for angel or resolve that feeling of being owned by (her feelings for) him.

And don't get me wrong, Spike is kinda possessive too, but as I see it he is trying to commit to a relationship where she can own herself and that is what terrifies her truly.

(That's what we see him do with drusilla from the beginning)

You understand what I mean? If you got thoughts on it let me know!

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Hi, it's Quill! For the fic writer asks, can you please answer 40, 56 and 65? 😘❤️

HELLO MY FRIEND THANK YOU 💛💛💛

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Ooooooh, now THAT'S a toughie. And and all art of my fic would be recived with literal tears of joy, but let's narrow it down lmao. Discounting my horny ass just wanting aaaallll the art of my smutty side account fic (and tbh more horny art of the Cat King in general), I think it would be lovely to see art of Lonely Bones, considering how much time and feeling has gone into it and considering I think you could have a lot of fun with moody compositions. Somewhere Beyond the Sea is only on it's first chapter but especially from chapter two onwards it's gonna have so many fun and whimsical things/characters to draw! I'd also be an absolute GLUTTON for more of mine and L and H's 1920s poly boys as seen in Keep Me Warm, Love Me Long, Be My Sunlight, but that's a bit more niche!

If I had to pick one singular scene, I think I'd melt like butter if someone drew Charles in subspace getting therapeutically, nonsexually dommed by Edwin with silly cat's cradle games in ’Cause You Cut Through All the Noise. I'm so fond of that fic you have no idea.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Character voices!! I need to rewatch DBDA again soon to refresh my memory lest I drift into made-up voices but generally speaking I think my dialogue characterisation is pretty fun and believable!

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I am looking forward to each and every aspect of the 1920s AU I'm working on with @dear-monday and @tw0-ravens, but especially the Thomas dialogue/arc/letters. I'm also huuuugely looking forward to writing my Edge Chronicles AU, but mostly for the world, vibes and character backstories especially pertaining to Edwin -- I'm currently struggling a bit with finding the actual plot, though! I'm also SO excited for the rest of Somewhere Beyond the Sea, there's going to be so much fun and whimsy and fantasy and sweetness, I'm really excited for the bits I've added as well as the bits I'm adapting from the source material!

Get to know your fic writer!

(And because you asked me to talk about WIPs, here we go, a very short, rough snippet of the Edge Chronicles AU from my notes app -- flashback to Charles and Edwin's first meeting!)

It was freezing cold in the prowlgrin roost. Maybe not up in the nests and the roosting poles, where the big old beasts dozed by the light of the burning braziers, the lucky sods. But down in the straw and the muck the winter chill was biting, creeping through every crack in the ancient slats. Charles was huddling down pathetically, dragging the ratty old prowlgrin tarp tighter round his shoulders, when he heard a creak. Louder than the wind through the slats, slower. The door. He froze, holding his breath. The air had... changed. It was crackling with something, making Charles' hair stand on end. And then, footsteps.  Charles shrank back, tried to make himself small. But the shape that stepped into the roost wasn't any boy that he knew — anyone who might be looking to finish what they'd started. It was... strange. It was like looking at those old barkscroll woodcuts from way back; those odd, early academic knights with the leather armour, all tooled and riveted. Like something out of a fairytale. It looked at him, right at him, and pulled off its leather helmet and underneath was just… a boy. Not like any boy he'd seen, though. Pale, worryingly so, and gaunt, eyes the most piercing blue he'd ever seen; unearthly, iridescent. Like open, uncharted sky. "I was looking for the library," said the boy, softly, hoarsely, like he hadn't used his voice in a good long while. "It used to be here, did it not?" Charles frowned, for a moment too confused to be scared. Of all the things to be looking for! "Not anymore, mate. Moved it 'cuz of the rot, didn't they? That was what, thirty years back or summit." "Thirty years..." he hummed like a rumbling storm. "Right. If you might point me in the right direction — I have some very important reading to do.” Charles was starting to think the dunk in the lake had frozen his brain. "It's three in the morning,” he said, baffled. The boy knelt before him, and raised his hand. Charles watched, horrorstruck, as his long, slender fingers lost their shape and stretched, vaporous, into elongated strands of crystalline cirrus. "It is rather pressing," said the boy, deadpan.

And some of my tests of the art style so far 😊 this AU's gonna take me a WHILE with the illustrations as well as the writing lmao

[genericpuff]

no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-

Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).

But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.

A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!

Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.

But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.

So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??

It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).

I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.

But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?

Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?

Oh right. Because it's a better story.

Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.

If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)

If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.

And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.

Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.

[feronaville]

im deep down on megamassikalove's blog cc shopping n saw her participate in an ask game thingie n i wanna do it too even tho its like a year old LMAOO bc it looks fun n i rarely see them on my dash!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? old age ,, boring answer but i love my sims man they my babies fr any other death genuinely upsets me

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? maxis match altho i do sorta uhh maxis mix i think it's called sometimes, really i download whatever i like (mostly maxis match) i just want everything in simlish fr

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? i like when my sims gain weight bc that's how i get my body diversity but if their outfit doesnt have fat morph n i dont wanna change their outfit i do cheat it sometimessss but not very often

4. Do you use move objects? move objects is enabled in my game alwayss

5. Favorite mod? honestly im not sure! im def a big acr fan but that's just the first one that comes to mind, there's soooo many must haves imo!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? both sims 2 pets n sims 2 seasons! my auntie bought them for us, i got soooo excited about pets n lil ol me asked her, "woah can we get monkeys??" LMAOO

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? i pronounce it like aLIVE

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? REESE BULLARD!! he was in my very first bacc years ago, he had more personality than any of my other sims ever had he was so silly

9. Have you made a simself? i have! i made one in sims 2 back in like 2018 but she didnt look like me fr haha, i made one some years ago in sims 4 n she actually looked a lotttt like me but i have lost all her pics unfortunately. now i just have a sim in one of my current 'hoods that's named after me

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? dang if only i knew myself better fr ,, hmmmm ima say animal lover, loves the outdoors, artistic, childish, socially awkward. maybe

Which is your favorite EA hair color? hmm i don't think i have one? i'll just say red

Favorite EA hair? i don't see ea hair in my game fr anymore but as a kid i think my favorite one was meg i think

Favorite life stage? im not sure honestly! i might have to go with child, or adult idk tbh

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? i only started getting into building fr last year i think, building is a struggle for me but i really enjoy it! i think i'm def more of a gameplay person tho i just feel pretty restricted building for sims 2

Are you a CC creator? i am! pretty much just recolor things but i wanna try my hand at making terrains to share, and i'm slowly starting to upload lots n want to upload sims as well. i've made splash music and loading screens too, kinda wanna get back into doing that actually

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? i consider @gir-sims to be my friend! yall should check out her bacc, its both on youtube n dreamwidth!

What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) the sims 2 is my favorite game in the world, been playing since i was like four/five!

Do you have any sims merch? i have a social bunny sweatshirt that i adore! i tried to google for it but it seems the shop is closed now, i got it from etsy by littleplumbobdesigns. i found this shirt it's the same design, except what i have is a pink sweatshirt with a pink social bunny!

Do you have a YouTube for sims? i do! i currently just have my port taylor bacc series on it, it's linked on my blog :^)

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? i spent the first manyyyy years of simming without cc ,, idk how i did it man. i used to use alpha cc for sims 4 then i ended up switching to mostly maxis match! for sims 2 i switched hair systems twice (started with new hair system, then simgaroop, now it's mostly poppet v2). i can recall switching eye defaults too. that's all i can think of

What’s your Origin ID? i think it's behindthesea00 (my mom made me the account to buy me sims 4 for christmas) BUT i share that account with my younger sister. i dont think she plays sims anymore so idk if she still gets on it, i dont either tbh i dont need origin/ea play/whatever to play my game anymore YAY

Who’s your favorite CC creator? oh gosh there are soooo many!!

How long have you had a simblr? hmmmm i think i've had this one for 3-4 years? but it's been longer than that bc i have a sims 4 simblr that i completely abandoned as i no longer play sims 4, i havent played it since right before infants came out

How do you edit your pictures? for gameplay pics i just cropped them for the most part, occasionally adding a silly lil detail to it. i add woohoo heart to censor nudity when needed. for cc i honestly seem to just do whatever i feel like doing, lately i think i just take the pic, crop it, n add text to it

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? i only play sims 2 so no more packs for me! other than cc packs that our lovely community makes!

What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? for sims 2 hmmmm im honestly not sure, ahh this is a hard one! sims 2 has such great packs idk if i can choose! hmmmm def pets for sure n i really love open for business too

[chaseprice]

hi!! hope i’m not a bother. i just came across u and i wanted to ask something,,,

basically, i joined the life is strange fandom in 2018 so i never got to experience the pre-bts era, meaning i didn��t get to experience what rachel was like to the fandom back then or see the different interpretations of her.

i did some digging and i found some fan content of her from 2015-2016 & i’m absolutely infatuated with all aspects of the fanon version of her, especially her personality & how she looked. i totally wanna embody her. also the love is strange vn was so interesting to play, i love how she was written. i’d love to know more!

i stumbled across ur blog while i was doing my digging and i saw an old long post of urs saying how bts didn’t live up to the fandoms expectations, as almost everyone perceived her differently.

sorry for all the yapping LOL but what i basically wanna ask is,,, how *exactly* did the fandom perceive rachel back then (2015-2016). what were some popular headcanons for her? things you guys even considered to be canon? what were some of your own *personal* headcanons? (can be silly, realistic,,, just anything you thought resonated with her)

do you have any favorite arts from that time period that you thought really captured her? what were your hopes for the prequel/rachels character before it was released? what did you want to see in terms of story? was rachel’s style, appearance, & personality extremely different than what you expected? what did you expect?

i assume that rachels treatment in the fandom was different then than what it is now. whether it’s better or worse, i’m not sure. i was hoping u could answer that too😞. recently i’ve just been seeing constant hatred or lack of care for her character so i’m starting to think that if bts was written differently and based on the fandom’s interpretations instead, the hate now wouldn’t be this bad.

from my digging it seems like you guys had alot of fun sculpting rachel’s character on your own, and the interpretations were probably more realistic than what decknine put together.

anyway i’m sorry for the yapping essay on this random saturday, most old lis accounts are dead & i didn’t know who else to ask☹️. just trying to relive what you guys experienced the best i can. hope i’m not bombarding you with this. thank you so much if u respond !!

hiii u def did not bother me, i am not in a position to answer all of these questions, but although it makes me feel ancient, it's cute to see so much passion for rachel and pre-BTS fandom opinion, so i'll try answer some and for the rest (art, hcs, etc.) im just gonna have to direct you to my archive* (will continue under the readmore)

*(tumblr archive is so broken on mobile so you gotta go on pc for this, but also there's so many gifs from that time so it will Definitely slow down your browser). i was insane and 17 years old so like, just excuse all of the cringe content i guess. you can click tag and filter it by either #lis #rachel amber #amberprice or whatever to try and find stuff like art. and i got into lis sept 2015 so that's like, as far back as it will go, but i was fully lisbrained from 2016 through 2018)

to be honest, in alignment with pre-bts thought lmao, rachel is whoever you want her to be. there was less of 'this is a correct objective fact about her personality/history' and more 'yeah, this is an idea the fandom really likes and has become fanon, most likely because it is a nuanced and entertaining and realistic interpretation of what we have seen of her character in lis1' which means people whose opinions conflicted with that might've be contested/laughed at/unpopular, but they weren't wrong per se. there were plenty of people i'd criticise (and ridicule) back then for implying that this teenage girl was evil, and being a teenager myself back then, i'd call them morally reprehensible and cancellable and whatever, but tbh, as an adult now, i can just see that it was simply a boring interpretation of her character informed by misogyny

i'd disagree with the notion that fandom treatment of rachel's character was better before bts, back then there were plenty of people seemingly excited to characterise her as emotionally manipulative, a cheater, deserved what she got, etc. as well, bc tbh, the story did leave room for that interpretation, but it left room for so much more as well. i feel like bts just really locked in on a certain story they wanted to tell plot-wise, and didn't choose to explore a lot of the questions fans had about rachel as a person. it's hard to turn the ambiguity of a friendship turned situationship over a period of 4 years into a playable experience for an audience - so they didn't. regardless, it got people thinking about rachel more, putting a spotlight on her, hence increased attention both positive and negative. i feel like there's just a fundamental difference between what lis1 fans enjoyed about the potential for her character and how she related with chloe and the world around her, and what deck9 wanted to portray in bts (yes they hit the astrological headcanons, the charmingness, her rebellion, the emotional conflicts... but it personally felt hollow, contrived sometimes, i suppose). but there were a lot of people who loved bts (i enjoyed a lot of parts of it!). just, in my opinion, some of those were quite different people from who loved lis1, and with that wave it brought a lot of emotional immaturity to the fandom (like... ship wars, really? that was an insane change to fandom dynamics for me lmao, but maybe i was just spoiled by surrounding myself with people whose takes i respected)

anyway i highly recommend also that if you're hungry for that kind of content, read fanfiction on AO3 by the old fans - by Mogatrat (TON of rachel centric ones there), explosionshark and tippytypewriter, chicknparm (though Cusp is written post-bts, it's informed by pre-bts characterisations), vicepoint (me hehe), def many more good ones out there those r jus my friends so they come to mind first, e.g. i liked homecoming by kriegersan back in the day, but you could def find some more by sorting the lis ao3 page by kudos and reading the older ones that are highly rated featuring rachel. and lastly, my gf wrote a beautifully worded blog post called "The Assassination of Rachel Amber by the Cowards Dontnod and Deck Nine" which gets into some of this from a media crit perspective (not about fandom) in a very eloquent way thru comparison w twin peaks and i highly recommend that

rachel hcs that def started way before bts: skater rachel, stoner rachel, punk music listener rachel (but also like, fleetwood mac cranberries cocteau twins grungy hippy stuff rachel too), rachel's parents being distant and still living in california, curvy thick rachel, things that i've accepted as canon but were def created by diff people: bri explosionshark hc'd that rachel paid for chloe's sleeve, mogatrat (i think) hc'd that rachel initially went to get her nips pierced with chloe (that's a longtime fan hc now idk who started that one) but chickened out at the last minute, i think she also hc'd that chloe made the earring for rachel which is cute too

[bettertwin1]

Hi, old follower here from before you had 100 followers. I've got a semi serious question for you.

When I first followed you, I got the impression that you were a RP blog, in the case where you would RP with your "brother" (bettertwin9000), so I followed the rules as such. But later on it seems that this blog is your persona? In terms of everything said to this blog is a personal question to you? It's a weird situation where people asking those intrusive questions make sense for a RP blog, but in a normal blog situation it makes it intrusive.

Tldr, I think many are confused if this is an RP blog or you having Leo as your persona, so can you confirm what this blog actually is?

OMG HI LONG TIME FOLLOWER!!

And, for the sake of things making a little bit of sense, as much as sense as we can manage, keep in mind that we have OSDD, we're a system-

PUTTING IT UNDER CUT CAUSE IT'S LONG 😅

At the start of the blog <- in which we were advertising it as a roleplay blog, it was being run by our host and partially by me though I had no clue what I was doing at the time and bettertwin9000 was being run by our partner <- (which btw, made for some strange asks)

We continued advertising it as a roleplay even when we began suspecting and having full breakdowns over the idea of being a system due to some little things and some big things and lots of research and therapy and blah blah BUT we kept going back on it cause tbh DID is a hard thing to accept and we didn't want it <- still don't

SO now I was trying to run the blog more all the while trying to keep us grounded, IGNORING the possibility of DID and thinking, nah, this is just a really bad cause of delusions and we NEED to get reality checked NOW.

But I ALREADY KNEW i'm not REALLY Leo from rottmnt, but I am him, I was formed from that guy, created? Idk. He made me in his own image type reference audio. WOW IM NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING 😭😭 did I mention we have a tendency to overexplain <- but specifically for me in the case of explaining things that are hard to explain, ANYWHIZZLE.

We kept going back and forth, confirming and denying the conclusion "we have osdd" cause that's terrifying and while this was happening I was still trying to force us to post and interact and involve ourself in arcs for the sake of distraction from EVERYTHING happening irl and the blog kind of made it worse but in a light hearted way cause suddenly the asks became really gross, and I felt really gross.

Sure, maybe someone who was roleplaying Leonardo would have no trouble answering asks about dead relatives or near death experiences or villains that have physically harmed you and your 'siblings' or about my crippling inability to speak about feelings and whatever else people diagnosed me with on here but I was having trouble answering it, I was getting uncomfortable and I was feeling genuinely overwhelmed because everything that definitely would be great material for a roleplay account was making me just feel, bad. <- which wasn't great considering at the time, feeling bad was not something i could have been affording to do

SO at some point, I started putting boundaries, didn't explain why, just continued under the guise of hey, roleplay guy here, the intruvsive invasive asks about my family and my mental health and my anatomy is making me want to die so please stop andbonly ask fun stuff like idk, if i put salt in donnie's coffee sometimes and everyone was like, yes leonardo in unison.

Then I slowly started getting more adamant on pushing the narrative that I am LITERALLY Leo from the show cause pushing that seemed to really help with the questions, and then the roleplay blog became more like. A personal blog for some dude who happened to be a ninja turtle alter and it'd unfortunately gotten so out of hand that explaining this now kind of made us even more exhausted cause oh man, we might get fake claimed huh <- we had worse things to deal with, internet drama didn't need to be added to this.

Anyway, if you read through all that junk, i'm sorry 😭, but i think it helps explain why the impression of the blog is so confusing cause it was being run by two ppl, a host and an alter who were constantly trying NOT to be those things until pretty recently when we started accepting the fact that we have Osdd

SO TIMELINE.

The blog starts off as an rp blog by our host and I unbeknownst to us both

The blog is fun and we start gaining traction

We also start gaining more mental health problems and have a full breakdown multiple times on many different social medias

We push through to cope

We talk to the other blog runners who are systems <- (Mikey, Raph and at the time when their account was apart of this, April) and they kindly answer and guide us through some things

We start adding boundaries for my sake

We talk to other systems on other social media and they help us with more stuff

We talk to our therapist

We do a ton of research on top of old research we'd apparently already done before <- suddenly we have a long document with so much information

We tell no one about the discovery when we start accepting the possibility

More funny stuff ensue and personal life things happen <- #ONLYTHEREALONESKNOW!

The only announcement I ever make that i'm an alter are one off comments in tags or answers that I never address again until I make an intro post that says I'm an alter in a system

The blog is what now?

The blog is still a roleplay account. Sometimes, canceled arcs that we would have done would have been considered roleplay <- a canceled christmas arc. But usually, this is just a blog. Like, this is just a blog I use to entertain people and to get some of my thoughts out like a singlet would. It's both i guess, it's whatever I want it to be and whatever you guys consider it to be.

The blog is just, my blog, I don't know how else to explain it 😅😅

Also, Bettertwin9000 was pretty much going through the same thing at the time and fun fact, he is actually my "brother" cause he's a Donnie alter <- (yay!)

Shoutout to the host who has their own blogs that they never really post on! couldn't have done it without you! <- and the many kind individuals who gave us their research material and links and answered our questions and stuck w/ us through the most confusing part of OUR LIFE

Srry again if this didn't answer your question like at all by the way, i THINK it at least explained some things but you know 😭 SORRY IDK

[soongyeopsal]

Ad Nauseam

Summary: Wonwoo desires to herald in a new age of technology, but summons a monstrous deity instead.

▸ Pairing: Wonwoo x gn!oc (but it doesn’t really matter tbh)

▸ Rating / Genre / AU: 18+ / horror, angst / 1900s au If you are a minor AND/OR if your account has no age in the bio, you will be blocked upon interacting (liking/reblogging) with this post.

▸ Warnings: violence (adults + children), light gore (not graphic, but descriptions related to meat processing), major character death

▸ Word Count: 3.6k

▸ A/N: This was inspired by Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It may not be the most popular entry, but it's the one that stuck with me the most so far in the series. I wrote the original version of this literally years ago, but did a slight rewrite so I could put it back out there. GIGANTIC thank yous to @onlymingyus and @wonwussy for beta reading and helping me clean the draft up after my eyes totally glazed over!! I apologize in advance for anyone that may be upset by this story. Know that some members' ages have been flipped and it's going to be rough for everybody involved. You've been warned. ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Mid November, 1899

“The industry is changing you,” Minghao says, standing as he stacks a pile of papers and files them into a folder.

Wonwoo smiles tiredly and looks up at Minghao from the other side of the desk, where he sits. “That’s alright as long as we change the future.”

Late February, 1900

“No, Wonwoo, this is you,” Teddy spits, wringing their hands on their slacks. 

The room smells like copper, and young Seungkwan weeps in the corner while even younger Chan sits next to him, stone face turned to the floor and bandaged hands balled.

Teddy and Wonwoo had lost plenty of people in the making, in the maintenance of The Machine. They’d both known the risks beforehand, and Teddy had reservations about bringing in children, but they needed the cheap labor, and Wonwoo had promised they’d never lose their children. Their boys. The only children the orphanage would let two odd industrialists near because it was considered a victory to just be rid of the adolescents by the time they’d become old enough to bully and fight. 

“He…” Wonwoo can’t meet Teddy’s eyes. He fixes his gaze on the window behind his partner instead. “Hansol wasn’t ours or mine.” Hansol was simply the boy that would not go home, that chose to sleep in alcoves among the machinery. Wonwoo can barely swallow his sentence, and the saliva that gathers in his mouth tastes like soot.

Seungkwan wails so loudly that for once, Wonwoo can’t hear the drone of engines in the back of his mind. He hates it.

Teddy moves to pick their children up from the floor, motions too smooth and slow. They don’t speak until the boys are in their coats, bundled up for the winter cold with oversized scarves and mittens. 

“The factory isn’t anyone’s either. It owns you. It’s changed you.”

Wonwoo knows his lover is right. He’s known for years, long before anyone had ever told him.

Mid August, 1899

The first time had been an accident. Wonwoo is certain that all the children had collected their payment and gone home for the evening. Teddy has a strict 7pm rule to ensure that they would not be wandering about at night and causing trouble. 

Wonwoo is certain.

The Machine is deafening. Over 13,000 pieces of nearly autonomous metal spanning throughout 8 floors of basement work to process meat for the masses. 

Wonwoo is absolutely positive that the children under their employ have retired for the evening, so, like clockwork, he cranks the furnace’s dial up and pulls the lever that opens the floodgates to clean the blood and marrow from the massive pipes of The Machine.

Hansol approaches him the next day in his office, smelling of oil and sweat. “Sir, may I have the day off?”

Wonwoo places his reservoir pen on the desk and stands to stretch. “What’s the matter, Hansol?”

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” the boy explains. 

“It’s amazing you sleep any night, laying about in the factory.”

Hansol is the type to grin awkwardly and offer a weak excuse, but today he can only shift uncomfortably. “I don’t know; it just sounded like someone kept screaming.”

At this, Wonwoo frowns. Despite having a home life that drives him to remain within the bowels of machinery, Hansol is a rather easygoing child. He definitely isn’t one for night terrors or hallucinations. Perhaps he’d snuck into Chan and Seungkwan’s room to exchange ghost stories again.

Nonetheless, Hansol looks haggard, and his odor is starting Wonwoo on one of his many migraines. “It’s been...three? Four days by now? Go upstairs and bathe - do not talk back to me. Wash yourself and stay out of trouble today.”

That evening, Wonwoo reminds his children that their bedtime is not optional and that while Hansol may not carry their last name, he’s treated as if he does. When they’re tucked in, Teddy stops Wonwoo in the hallway to tell him that four of the boys who worked for them hadn’t shown up for work that day or returned to their families the evening before.

They are never found. Hansol does not complain about nightmares for months.

Wonwoo can hear cogs whining in the section where skeletal remains are crushed. Among the scraps are bones too big to be pigs', slowing down the humming that had become his lullaby some time ago.

Early October, 1899

Teddy does not care much for the engineer Wonwoo hired to oversee the construction of a new grinder. He is too well spoken, too charming, too close to Teddy’s most prized treasure. But Minghao is smarter and has smaller hands that can move nimbly between the complicated maze of wire and metal when The Machine aches.

Wonwoo had been unable to soothe The Machine when it cried for weeks. Nothing he did made it stop, and Teddy said he was hearing things. When Wonwoo reached out to old acquaintances for useful contacts, they referred him to a brilliant mind from China that had been to Britain to have a firsthand look at how humanity could marry machinery to ease everyday production.

The rumors about Minghao are more than true. Wonwoo wonders if the man can hear the pleas of The Machine as loudly as he does, if he can hear it singing to him in his sleep.

Hansol only hears pained howling. Like clockwork every other night.

Wonwoo gives him tea and sends him off to bathe. It doesn’t take long for him to notice that the nights Hansol loses sleep are the nights The Machine doesn’t make a sound.

It doesn’t take long for Minghao to notice, either.

Early December, 1899

Minghao breaches the subject when he’s accompanying Wonwoo on his rounds of the bottom four floors. 

“Mr. Jeon, have you thought about other methods to power the factory?”

Wonwoo looks up from his clipboard. “Is what we have not sufficient?” Of course it isn’t. Every time a child went missing, Teddy would pace about their bedroom and fuss. After twelve disappearances, they insisted that the two of them switch their patrols: Teddy would oversee The Machine’s top floors, where most of the children worked, while Wonwoo oversaw the bottom. It didn’t placate Teddy’s worries by any means, but it was the best compromise that Wonwoo would concede to. At least they could finally do a proper attendance count. 

Minghao presses on, apparently unswayed by a polite demeanor and easy posture. “I’m sure your profits are plenty by now, but if this factory were to switch completely to steam power--”

“I’m not so greedy as to put youth out of work. I… My family is doing fine. Everyone is fine. We don��t need more money.” Wonwoo pushes thick spectacles further up the bridge of his nose. The Machine is sniffling next to his eardrums.

Minghao can see a vein on Wonwoo’s forehead. His default, calm expression is falling into exhaustion. “This town looks like it could use plenty of farmhands. I’m sure kids’d make better use of crops than a few nickels.” 

Wonwoo has to tell himself not to yell over The Machine. It’s gotten unbearably louder in seconds. Perhaps Minghao cannot hear it after all. “The people need this factory, Minghao.”

“No, it’s the factory that needs the people.” 

The Machine screeches, and Wonwoo panics. Weren’t the grinders supposed to be floors above them? He doesn’t have time to question it or what’s making him rush the shorter man, not with his ears ringing from the agony of noise. 

Wonwoo lets go of Minghao’s jacket just inches before his fingers touch the blades. He hopes Hansol doesn’t seek him out tomorrow, talking about shrieking. He’ll have enough to deal with trying to convince Teddy that the blood on his shirt is his own.

Teddy does not care much for Minghao, but they’re unsettled when they ask about the man’s whereabouts and Wonwoo shrugs absently. 

“He had to leave suddenly.”

January 3, 1900

The Machine has stopped screeching in Wonwoo’s ears since it was last fed. Knowledge, it wanted. Blueprints. 

Hansol falls asleep alone and wakes beneath pistons to the stench of foul water. 

Wonwoo allows Seungkwan to shadow him as he goes about tending to The Machine. Chan hasn’t much interest in going, preferring to follow Teddy on expeditions into town to procure more laborers.

Seungkwan asks many questions. “What does this machine do?”

“Didn’t so-and-so work on this floor once?”

“How do you turn this on?”

Wonwoo doesn’t notice the absence of small footsteps until The Machine sighs. When he turns around to address his son, no one is there. A door is shut behind him. He squints at Minghao’s copy of The Machine’s map. They should have been just beyond the grinders. What door is this?

Wonwoo sweats before he even breaks out into a run.

In his rush to find Seungkwan, Wonwoo nearly trips over the guardrails that separate him from an abysmal plunge into machinery. When he returns upstairs sobbing, Teddy is speechless only long enough to figure out the intercom console and plead for their son not to wander aimlessly but to follow the pipes up and out.

Teddy doesn’t talk to Wonwoo. Wonwoo does not eat. Four agonizing days pass before Seungkwan wanders into the study, covered with the same filth Hansol often wears. Teddy holds him tightly, and Wonwoo is frozen, having seen a peculiar flash in Seungkwan’s eyes that only the sickly dim lights in The Machine’s sewers can match.

Late January, 1900

Seungkwan has lost weight since the incident, but doctors can’t find any illness. He looks tired, more so than his overworked parents. He is on indefinite bedrest, and Hansol visits daily.

The young squatter is already there one evening when Wonwoo enters the children's room with snacks from the local bakery. “Ah, Hansol.”

Hansol rises and greets Wonwoo, but all that Wonwoo hears is The Machine. Spare them the world you have created, it says.

“Mr. Jeon?” Hansol looks worried. “Are you alright?”

Wonwoo blinks and remembers to breathe. “Yes, I’m-” The Machine is grumbling, “I’m alright.” He sets the bag of pastries on Seungkwan’s bedside table and kisses the child’s forehead, making a point not to brush Hansol, who is but a foot away. “Don’t forget your manners because you’re sick, Kwan. Share.”

“Of course, Father,” Seungkwan says as the man withdraws.

Wonwoo tries not to flinch. Spare them.

January 16, 1900

Teddy questions Wonwoo for days.

“Why won’t you look at Seungkwan? You’re hurting him.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Do you want to move?”

“Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“You won’t even look at me now?”

“What happened to us? To this family?”

Wonwoo can only hunch over and look away. The Machine speaks through nearly everyone to him. When others talk, they’re far away, while The Machine whispers on top of his eardrums. Chan is the only one he can hear without distraction.

Seungkwan’s voice pleads for the freedom of the masses. Teddy’s warns of disasters humanity will bring. Hansol’s is the worst of all. It bullies him, instructs him, twists his dreams into monstrous things, and in the same breath reminds him it is necessary. It is what they both want.

For weeks, Wonwoo has seen Hansol standing at the edge of catwalks. He’s seen the juvenile’s eyes among the bones of pigs and sacrifice. His young, growing arms help him swim through a sea that Hansol’s ghost says is made of the blood of swine. Some nights he dreams of Hansol’s hands pushing small bodies over railings and burying fractured skulls in the woods on the edge of town.

He does not see the boy, only the apparition of an atrocity.

January 30, 1900

When Wonwoo wakes on the study’s daybed, he nearly screams when he is faced with an apathetic Chan. The boy is kneeling next to the bed in his pajamas. It must be some time in the early hours of the morning.

“You’re loud, Father,” Chan says.

Wonwoo swallows and looks around the room. He does not see Hansol or hear anything speaking over his son. The usual, low hum of The Machine is nothing. “What?” is all the man can manage. 

“You and Hansol,” Chan clarifies. “You speak through your night terrors. Loudly. I can hear you upstairs.”

“What? I… How?”

Chan rolls his eyes. Teddy has been aggravated by this recent addition to Chan’s repertoire of poor manners, but Wonwoo welcomes the humanity of it. “Father, with my ears. I use them to hear.” He scowls. “Even when I’m trying to sleep.”

“I’m sorry, son,” Wonwoo laughs, ruffling the boy’s hair for the first time in years. “Go back to bed.”

“What about Hansol?”

At this, Wonwoo’s heart beats twice in a second. In his tiredness, he’d overlooked part of Chan’s complaint. Or perhaps it was selective hearing. Perhaps he hears only what The Machine wills him to.

“Where does Hansol sleep?”

If Chan picks up on Wonwoo’s panic, he does not show it. “With me or Kwannie, of course. Every night since December. He said the factory isn’t comfortable anymore - whatever that means. How can he sleep with all the racket in there?”

Wonwoo hears Hansol, hears The Machine. He does not sleep.

February 6, 1900

Wonwoo wishes The Machine would go back to simply calling to him so he could baby it. Now it’s grown and learned to speak more than he can handle. It’s maddening.

“Go upstairs and rest your nerves,” Teddy instructs him. “I’ll check everything tonight.”

The Machine chuckles and cries simultaneously. “N-No. I’ve got it. Let’s patrol like normal.”

Teddy doesn’t miss the recoil in Wonwoo’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, we can...work something out. You can even stay in the bedroom tonight, ok? Just go.”

Hansol and The Machine call Wonwoo from the bowels. “I can’t leave you here,” Wonwoo insists. I will change the walls, It/He warns. We will rewrite this place and then the streets.

“Wonwoo.” Teddy places hands on their love’s shoulders, desperation seeping through their fingertips. “Please.”

It is too late. I live. “No!” Wonwoo snaps. 

Teddy lets their hands fall and looks Wonwoo over. “Your mind is fevered.” Wonwoo has retreated within himself as always and won’t answer. He can’t. “Fine. Check your precious machine.”

I am this city. I am– He/It starts. Wonwoo can feel Teddy’s warmth leaving and quickly grabs at the tail of their jacket. “No, Teddy, I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight, really.” I will fix the world with or without you. Make the right choice. “Let me run a bath for when you’ve finished...”

Ignore me all you want, but you cannot ignore what’s coming. Teddy turns and grins, pleased. There’s an ember of hope for their love left within them that Wonwoo feared had long since disappeared. Even if Teddy’s voice is barely there, their perseverance is enough.

You did this. 

February 16, 1900

Listen to your heart. I am your heart. You know you are with me. You created me to save this world. I am your friend.

February 22, 1900

Can’t you see it? We must save this world with blood now to avoid a far greater slaughter in the future.

February 25, 1900

Round up the orphans, and the world will thank you for it. You started this. We can finish it together.

February 28, 1900

Wonwoo awakes to the shrill cries of a pig.

Teddy’s arm is slung around his waist, and they snore lazily, undisturbed. 

The Machine hyperventilates all around him, and the pig squeals pound on him like gunfire. Kill him!

Wonwoo jumps from his bed, knocked from his daze, and barely pulls on a robe as he flees to the basement. The door has changed from wood to steel, but when he rams his body against it, it opens all the same. You are too late! 

Down. Even with The Machine’s innards changing around him, Wonwoo knows to go down. The noise gets impossibly louder, and the mocking does not cease as he descends, but fear propels him. 

Let me save them.

“Don’t kill him! Please!” Wonwoo has to stop and grab his chest. It’s tight and on fire. The pig sounds a lot like Seungkwan now. The Machine sounds like the self-made orphan, yet it feels to Wonwoo as if the voices have been one and the same from the beginning of his nightmare.

He blinks and he is on a single catwalk above the tenderizers. A sea of bodies are crushed beneath them and the bones don’t stop breaking. The crackling sounds like fireworks. Hansol is trying to push a struggling Seungkwan over the railing.

Wonwoo is frozen.

“I will set them free,” The Machine/Hansol says. His/Its voice is clawing at Wonwoo’s insides. “This is what you planned.”

“I never wanted this.” Wonwoo’s throat makes him feel tiny. His eyes water, and his legs want to buckle. All he can see is bodies.

“You wanted to change the future,” Hansol/The Machine reminds him smugly. “It is dirty. You’re all dirty.” It grabs Seungkwan by the neck to still him. “We have to start over. I can purify you all.”

Wonwoo hears war rattling in his skull and feels his body being painted with mustard gas. He wants to vomit, but when he opens his mouth, all he tastes is fetid flesh and maggots on the back of his tongue.

“This is your sacrifice, Wonwoo. I’m just the shepherd to lead you and your world to salvation.”

Seungkwan barely breaks free, wriggling from beneath Hansol’s body, and stumbles toward his father. Finally, Wonwoo can move and reaches with outstretched arms to hug the boy.

But Seungkwan, frightened by something Wonwoo can’t see, stops short of his father’s fingertips. Hansol takes the opportunity to grab the child by the wrist and slam him into the railing. A crunch louder than the tenderizer below rings out alongside Seungkwan’s pained yowl.

“You are misguided, Wonwoo!” The Machine/Hansol exclaims as It pulls Seungkwan back and hurls him into the railing once again, this time face-first. His body slumps in Its arms. Wonwoo hollers, but the sound is lost among the racket. 

“I am no more evil than you! I am you! Of all the blood we’ve spilt together, the first drops were from your hands alone. But when you steeped me in blood, I understood what you wanted. You want what the world needs. You birthed me to help. But to start the world anew, we must first cleanse it of all the filth.”

Hansol shakily hoists Seungkwan up by his chest and manages the unconscious boy halfway over the edge of the catwalk. “This is the vision we shared. We need to make them free.” 

Hansol pushes a final time, and The Machine grunts. Wonwoo scrambles on his hands and knees to close the distance just fast enough to catch a still-limp Seungkwan by his calves, dangling him precariously above peril.

The Machine laughs, and Hansol kicks Wonwoo. Hansol, on his own, is weak. He seems to have become weaker since the man last laid eyes on him. Wonwoo is able to pull Seungkwan up and lay him gently on the ground, ignoring the feather punches to his side and the grating in his mind. 

Hansol/The Machine huffs,, and steam engulfs the area below them. The pulverizers turn into grinders, and the air reeks of salt and congealed blood. Chan’s voice pierces Wonwoo’s consciousness, and he can feel steam burning his son’s hands as if they were his own.

“I am already everywhere. Don’t fight what you created.” 

It doesn’t try to fight as Wonwoo yanks Hansol’s small body up by his tattered collar and shakes him, asking how he could possibly be this cruel. 

“This small thing means nothing to what you’ve built. Be it now or tomorrow, the boy will have to be cleansed as well.” Hansol’s mouth moves as The Machine, but his face is red and blotchy with tears and snot. 

Chan is in agony floors above him.

“My greatest work has already begun, Wonwoo. I will make pigs of you all if I must.”

A door that wasn’t there before bursts open, and Teddy steamrolls in, panicked. Another pig squeals before blood sprays on their robe.

March 3, 1900

Wonwoo hears screaming day and night. Orphans, whores, thieves, It says. No one will miss them.

Teddy has taken their remaining children across the ocean to a young country that dreams of crafting buildings to the sky. 

Even without workers and without Wonwoo’s family, The Machine operates. It prepares cattle for slaughter, as Wonwoo had hoped. Whether it is for people or of people is beyond importance. 

It offers no resistance as Wonwoo enters the lower floors, almost mindless for the first time in two days, not even bothering to shift the walls around him. 

He stops when he reaches the meat grinders and looks down to see the faces of many. He looks up and sees bodies sizzling in the pipes above. 

Only through our work can you ascend to the skies and claim the future as your kingdom.

Wonwoo feels only heat as he climbs over the railing and sets his feet between the massive blades of machinery. 

Bones and ashes sow the seeds of a new future.

Wonwoo does not know of the coming age, he decides. He does not know prophecy from fiction, from nightmares. He is only certain, now, that The Machine is him. Hansol’s body may have had little weight, but surely his own must be invaluable as the Creator.

Be proud, for this is your design. His skin rips like tired leather, and his teeth scatter like mice as he is finally crushed. Everything is finally quiet. It is finally sated. He has found an existence so much more peaceful than this.

[seriousbrat]

I suppose we need to look at "dating" with the aforementioned awkward teenage lenses, which makes things simultaneously not-that-big-of-a-deal and the biggest-deal-in-the-world. I'm sure adult Harry would look back on his awkward time with Cho and think "merlin, did that even count as dating?" - but for all intents and purposes, a teenage jury could decide that yes, they briefly dated. Hell, in teenage years, Ron had a long-term relationship with Lavender.

Maybe people get a bit stuck on the fact that you don't have to be in ride-or-die love to date someone? Fandom is sometimes obsessed with soulmate-ships and extremely intense relationships.

I am also not a fan of James and Lily being each other's first. Feels like people are either extremely traditional, or trying to look at potential previous relationships as adults. Yes, there'd be no time for other long-term, deeply in love, committed partners, accounting for courting, dating, breaking up, and healing. But teenagers are not like that. Ginny dated Michael Corner and Dean Thomas! Hermione dated Krum and Cormac!

The Marauders and Lily were fun and popular and did not carry the weight of being the Chosen One. I'm sure they all had something going on for themselves, as I for one count "kissing a couple of times and going on two or three awkward dates in hogsmeade" as one of the many forms of teen dating.

Exactly, that's kind of what I was trying to say (though I didn't express it very well lol.) What counts as "dating" for teenagers is very different than what it typically means to adults.

Feels like people are either extremely traditional, or trying to look at potential previous relationships as adults.

Yeah, I think so too tbh. There's a middle ground, which is what I was trying to get at (my brain really wasn't in the mood for coherent replies yesterday rip) which I think is very common for teens. Like at that age even just kissing can be terrifying haha. Anyway, I think for me it feels most realistic for James and Lily to each have had at least one of those short-lived adolescent relationships before getting together, but nothing an adult would consider serious.

This is why it's so silly to me when James is written as a suave womaniser (Sirius used to be written that way too but not recently lol, at least for him it kind of makes sense.) Once I read something where James was famous among Gryffindor girls for being a good lover like bro is a sixteen year old boy be fr. But that aside I do see him as honestly pretty insecure about girls deep down, and I think he'd have been quite nervous his first time. And again pretty nervous and hesitant around Lily.

[rabbiteclair]

I'm super interested in the paranormal/cryptid post- where did you find the stuff about Japanese and US paranormal encounters? Finding a pattern in encounters like these is something I've always been curious about.

(repeating all the disclaimers from this post, which means that among other things, this isn't gonna give you many historical accounts, and it's very focused on the kind of people who wanna throw their accounts out onto the internet.)

The Japanese Side

The big one I might as well get out of the way up front: Kowabana. The site's got some stories, others exist in podcast form, but the books themselves are up to 12 volumes of translated stuff from 2chan's occult board, the vast majority of which is in the format of first-person accounts of supernatural encounters. If you know any Japanese internet horror stuff, this is where 3/4 of it came from--Hasshaku-sama, kunekune, Kisaragi Station, etc.

(If you aren't solely focused on the 'first-person account' thing, Tara Devlin's parallel Toshiden and Bankai series cover most of the rest.)

Other people have translated this stuff over the years, with wildly varying levels of quality. Saya in Underworld and Okaruto are some of the ones I've found useful in the past.

If you can read Japanese, there are quite a few sites that collect and curate this stuff, and then other sites that aggregate those sites. As an added bonus, a given story might exist in multiple different forms between these sites, and then half of the sites don't exist anymore because this stuff goes back twenty years. I've spent a decent amount of time browsing these, but couldn't give you a good list of solid ones. There is in fact a pretty decent starting list on Tara Devlin's old Tumblr.

There are some Japanese Youtube channels that document a lot of this stuff too, but tbh the only times I've watched them is when I'm about nine google searches deep looking for something, so I don't have a good list.

The American Side

I started making a list here, but it honestly wasn't much of a list. A lot of the English ones that I've encountered have come from some combination of 'wandering on the internet,' 'being on /x/ back when it was new,' and 'the story was included in some other piece of media.' (Like, Oh No Ross And Carrie is probably the single place where I've heard the most accounts of UFO stuff, but I'd be a weird person if I cited that as a good source for them.) Unlike the Japanese side of things, I've never had much reason to approach them in a systematic manner.

Considering that my big source for this on the Japanese side is 2chan's occult board, you'd think that 4chan's /x/ would go here, right? But nah. I mean, there are first person accounts on there, but they're nowhere near as prevalent. There are several places trying to archive /x/ stuff though, so it's out there for anyone who wants to dig through it like a trash gopher.

But, if you want your 'hundreds, if not thousands, of first-person supernatural accounts in one place' counterpart to Kowabana, the best resource on the English-speaking side that I know of is Monsters Among Us. Yeah, it's audio, but that's life. It also has really thorough show notes, which serves as a pretty good starting point for finding other resources. I'm pretty sure there's a whole ecosystem of this stuff on Youtube.

(Really though, if anybody knows of any big text repositories of English, first-person accounts of this stuff, curated to weed out the complete trash, I'd be interested in that myself.)

[ceilidho]

Hey! I think youre an amazing writer and i really look up to you. Ive been reading your works since reylo, you inspired me to write my own reylo stuff. I think youre wonderful and could read your works over and over again. I was just wondering if I could ask you advice. I'm trying to get into writing second person pov fanfic, but I'm terrible at it. I can write it from third person or first person no problem. I was wondering if you had any tips.

oh thank you, i really appreciate that!!! and im so glad you're giving writing a shot!! honestly it's so tough to actually make the decision to sit down and write something and then show it to other people (and it's very scary and kind of humbling as you get better and better and look back at your old work haha) so that's so awesome!!

i actually wrote so much beneath this so i needed the "read more" lmaooo

actually, i'll tell you what, when you first transition from writing 1st or 3rd person to writing in 2nd person, it feels weird and abnormal, but i've actually grown to love 2nd pov. i just love the way it sounds in my head when i'm constructing a sentence. and tbh there's actually not a huge difference from writing 1st and 2nd pov in my opinion.

like my general thoughts around 2nd pov are:

obviously since it's an internal dialogue (like the perspective is rooted in the person you're writing from rather than some omniscient 3rd pov), while you can still describe what's happening on the main character's face ("you purse your lips" "you frown, annoyed" etc), it's still coming from their perspective, so there's a level of depth there that other characters around them don't have. like Price in my western fic is a bit more mysterious on account of him not being a narrator figure in the story.

if you're using 2nd pov because you're writing an x reader fic, and you want to keep your reader character quite neutral, ensure that you're avoiding big descriptors like skin colour, hair texture/length, body size (unless you're specifically writing a fat reader or a reader with a specific body type, in which case, go wild!), height, etc. your reader character is never going to be 100% neutral, but just pay attention to any descriptors you add and you can make sure they're as neutral as can be.

this is probably obvious, but you don't have to start every sentence with "you did x" or "you said y" or whatever. you can still be loose and flexible with your sentences like you might be in a 3rd person narration. like, i'll take apart a paragraph from my fic and highlight where i've added the "you/your" pov:

The worry making your body tense and stiff finally releases once you’re alone. You curl up on the bed without pulling down the sheets or taking your dress off. The journey's left you weak, sapped of energy. Worn down to your base elements. Hardly unexpected after what you’ve gone through, after leaving behind a cooling body two states away. The days since have left you sick with worry, nerves shot when you consider how the authorities will look to you first, the maid, and find in your absence all the answers they need. 

notice that i only started one sentence with "you" here. i think some people mistake using 2nd pov for thinking that the entire story/fic has to be a direct narration of what the character is doing (i.e. "you walk to the end of the hall and then you sit down. you notice a silver bullet on the table near you. you pick it up.") but that's not the case.

the narration is coming from this character, yes, but it's also still a story. this is hard to describe, but there's almost a weird, unconscious 3rd pov in the story at the same time, like you're looking down at this narrator and you're speaking through them, but you still have some externality. in order to tell an evocative, interesting story, you HAVE to know and notice at least a bit more than your narrator consciously does.

this kind of mirrors real life in a way actually because your brain picks up a lot of information that you as a person don't consciously absorb. it's why humans are able to have quick reflexes and dodge/duck things or whatever without realizing what they're doing. (look up "unconscious perception"). you can do this with 1st pov as well, but 1st pov is very useful for stream of consciousness stories or really getting into a character's head. 2nd pov is still governed by that narrator character, but it's picking up on other details and information in the surrounding environment.

anyway i hope this is in any way helpful haha - it's how i like to think of writing in 2nd pov!

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Playing around with Charlie's Design!

Speedpaint and fun fashion/design ramblies under the cut :3 (I'm not a fashion historian, I just have a special interest in it and know too much about it XD)

Oops I kinda wrote an article XD

So, I've heard through the grapevine that Charlie is actually somewhere around 200 years old - and not only does that make Rosie's "Oh, come now Alastor, she's much too young for you!" even funnier, I think it also makes her more hopeful outlook and determination for change 1000% more nuanced and interesting, AND I think it gives a ton of super fun space to play in as far as for-fun redesigns go!

I've really only seen charlie in 'historical' contexts art-wise in relation to Alastor and the Charlastor of it all (my personal tastes in Hazbin fan content probably account for a lot of that skew though tbh XD)

I'm mainly going to be referencing UK, Europe, and the United States in terms of the fashions and 'culture' I mention, which, yk, Charlie is an angel/demon and not human but also very obviously white so LMAO it seems fitting? That is also where the largest amount of my historical fashion/culture knowledge lays since I am also white, from America, and currently living in the EU XD (Plus the more you start delving into history in countries with a primary language other than English (including in Europe) the more you hit the language barrier, trying to find translations - and if its cultural and not fashion-oriented you have to figure out if you can even trust those translations or if they're bullshit etc etc etc (I cry))

But okay, so here's my train of thought with the left design:

Most people seem to have their style and/or tastes solidify somewhere around their 30s, and if we assume Charlie is somewhere near 200 in S1, then that would place her 30s around the 1850s! Given though that even with access to modern tech in S1, hell (More-so pride than the other rings imo) seems a little behind the human world - I think it would be safe to assume that divide would be more stark the farther back in time you go. With this in mind, I decided to base the majority of Charlie's style 'undertones' between 1850 and the early 1900's (AKA: Victorian era through the very early Edwardian period)

So lets go top down?

First up: HAIR! In many cultures around the world, an 'of age' woman wearing her hair down was considered very taboo. A social faux pa, if you will. This is one of the many reasons why beautiful updos in eras and areas where hair was allowed to remain uncovered were so popular. To be able to achieve these elaborate styles (and/or to be able to braid and pin back the hair to keep it still, and properly covered in other times/places) the hair was grown quite long. Though, many seeking elaborate styles, especially those with thinner hair, often employed the use of 'hair rats' and/or fake hair to be pinned/braided into the style. Buuut that's verging into a tangent lol...

I pretty obviously went with a Gibson girl look on this one,

The concept of the "Gibson Girl" first appeared around the 1890s as an expression of the 'ideal', but of course, like most aesthetics of the modern era, such as those within the 'clean-girl' or 'dark-academia' it is often displayed within a realm of privileged, upper-class, and faux-perfection that is largely inaccessible to most people. But, as Charlie is a Princess I thought the 'upper-class elegance' of it would work far better than attributing a style more common among the working class to this design. But the Gibson girl unlike many 'ideals' of the past, was not entirely a projection of male desire. In fact, in many ways they stood in opposition to this. Gibson Girls often represented independence and freedom. Many portrayed in the concept were emancipated and in the workforce (by choice), seen cycling and (GASP!) wearing cycling trousers!!! XD

The Gibson girls asked for equal opportunity, social and educational reform, and sexual freedom. The 'modern' and 'disruptive' girls of the turn of the century. All of which, I think speaks towards Charlie's character. And having her hair back while working is an element of practicality we see Charlie employ in canon! And you might say, Liz, that was so long ago! She hasn't changed her go-to hairstyle??? No. Not in my world. (I'm having fun!) Besides, we all know the distinction between the messy bun friend and the high-pony friend. We all have the way of putting long hair up that becomes 'automatic', I don't think it would be wrong to assume that something like this (esp. given her natural hair volume, which would negate the need for hairpieces), that is pretty, and stays out of the way would be retired from her usual repertoire (idk if I've ever had to spell repertoire before. My first guess was so wrong) Also I think the loose curls coming down are pretty and help fend off some of the uptight-ness that can sometimes come from a modern gaze looking at older styles. Loose curls are romantic! Charlie is romantic! I rest my rambling case!

Secondly: Her earring!

I wanted to bring in a quick flash of modernity here, as well as add a cutesy Charlie-esque nod to her more alternative emo phase we saw she had when she was younger XD Plus it helps bring in some of the heart motifs the show is so fond of in a more subtle way which I think is fun! Also, fun fact; did you know that nipple piercings and nipple chains were a thing in the Victorian era? No joke! There are articles from the era written about it! Here's a modern article that's just a bit of fun about it with a good general overview :3

Third : The Top! So, for the shirt I wanted to go with something that was a pleasant blend between modern and historical! In this design, I tried to keep a lot of the essence of Charlie's look: Hair pulled back, nice blouse, some sort of neck tie, red pants, etc.

I didn't go quite as long with the cuff as is historical, but the long, flush-to-skin sleeve cuffs were seemingly pretty popular in the eras I took inspo from. I decided to make the cuffs black because I thought it looked nice, matched the bowtie, and created a sense of visual completeness with the black tie at the top and the cuffs at the bottom, esp. bc I went more 'textured'/'sheer' with the stripes.

You can also see, much like Charlie's OG design, we have high collars on the inspo pictures! however, I was worried Charlie was going to start looking a bit too matronly/snobby school mistress-y, and so I decided to implement a bit of modern flare into the collar, having it fold over the much daintier bowtie (which is truly more of a bow, but it does tie the shirt together quite literally, as I've left a very large opening in the neckline to show a bit more skin (still trying to beat the matronly) as well as accounting for non-stretch fabric without buttons. I cannot allow myself to design things that wouldn't work if I decided to try and sew them XD I just can't!!! Non-stretch fabric gives you that nice drape effect while still allowing for a certain amount of structure, as well as being - sigh - historicallllll lmao These days only natural fibers in a garment tend to be pricier/more of a luxury, but elastic didn't even exist until the early 1900s, and synthetic fibers didn't exist until the 1930s. Oh boy I'm starting to tangent - the shirt, Lizzie!

Black and white stripes bc I grew up as Tim Burton trash and my love for them has never faded + yk, hell, and Vivzie's general love of a similar vibe hehe. I also felt like Charlie could use a little bit of patterning somewhere in her design. The most detail we get in the OG is her hair striping. TBH I think it works in her OG design, showing off some of her more practical nature in the face of her rainbow crayon drawings, but I think the hair in this design helps a little in that respect and I wanted to have fun damn it! XD Not to mention that a plain color (especially white) would make the design feel too plain and too old imo, where as the stripes help create interest and add in a little fun w/o making it too busy :3 (Though I think if the stripes had been solid black it would be too busy. I didn't want too many 'flats' on her. Going for a different or more in-between shade helps a lot I think)

Fourth: The Pants This one is another blend of Historical and modern! (pls don't take a shot every time I typed historical u will be very ill or very dead :'( that would be sad)

Most obviously, I primarily brought back the red in her design here! Though, I did pull the darker color from her OG lapels rather than the color of her suit - I'm trying to get more comfy with more vibrant colors in my work, but I just really felt averse to using the bright red with this outfit. Even though Zippers were invented (/first patented???) in the 1850s, they didn't really start being used in garments until the 1920s-ish, and I also just think lots of buttons on pants are really pretty XD and hey, look, I used the brighter red from her OG suit for the buttons, r u proud of me?! (I think it's cute :3 I usually default to metal buttons in my art, but colored and fabric buttons are SO pretty! Button diversity needs to be addressed! I am calling myself out rn! Lizzie! Use more colorful/textured buttons in things!)

I know a lot of people still try and call for the death of capris, but y'all are kinda wrong (I'm sorry) (Not really) what you hate is wide-straight leg capris cut at the wrong length!!! Skinny, well-cut straight leg, or wide-leg capris are cute! Deal with it! I will fight you!!!!!! This specific silhouette (perhaps minus my very 1800's buttons lmao) is very 1950s/60s

And again, showing off a liiiiitle more skin to help keep her from looking too modest. She may be trying to reform people and the squishiest goody-goody, but we're in hell, toots. And it's not like she's a prude - or like she ever grew up with historical earthly morals Asmodeus and the sins are her aunts and uncles - enough said XD

Fifth - Shoes I didn't draw any. They intimate me, I wanted this drawing to be fun, and besides! Too many of these characters have hooves (literally just charlie and Al (?) lmao but I like those two shush) and I need to practice!!!!

Did I draw them well? Perhaps not? Idk, I didn't look at a reference, but I think they're cuuute! I squealed when we saw her little hoofsies in 'Hello Rosie' As for the right design, my only real note is that I included eyelet lace bc lace was all the rage in the times I was pulling from, and eyelet has always been my personal fav of the laces hehe ...yeahhh I just really wanted to draw Charlie in jammies XD

As a final note before the speedpaint, I made Charlie's body a bit curvier! This was for a couple reasons! (yes I'm a nerrrd, if you read all this you know hehe)

Prettyyyyy! Bodies are pretty! Pretty curves

As far as character shape language goes soft shapes + soft character = very harmonious Idk I just feel like Charlie would have a little more curve to her (in my universe anyway lmao) even though she's a tall gorrrrlll (They're all like, stupid tall lmao - do y'all realize Lucifer is probs actually like 5'6/7?! I'm 5'6!!! Val is like TEN feet tall!!! :0)

It's also a fun(? maybe the wrooong word - interesting) bonus that historically (IDK about the time periods I took inspo from, but generally), the bigger/curvier/plumper you were, the more people assumed you to be in higher social-standing. This was bc the wealthy tended to have access to more (and often, better) foods. Ofc partnered with not having to do manual labor, which generally tends to (esp. pre-industrial revolution) to cause one to be more muscular and have less physical softness (tho ofc genetics also play a part in this nuance nuance).

Plus, yk, goat features bc I did that in my Charlastor Painting and I really liked it! I considered adding horns this time bc I think they're so cute but I honestly just forgot. I'll have to play with that another time!

Oki, I gotta shush up and post this soon my whole browser is lagging SO HARD :( If any of you read to the end uh - holy crap??? Glad I was interesting to you! (pls talk to me about fashion and hazbin and history lmao my asks are open! Feel free to request!)

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Insinuation 2.9 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

 I had been justified in everything I had said and done, right? 

Yes, Taylor, 112 fucking percent.

Maybe it was just because I wasn’t used to violence or raising my voice.

Yes, that's exactly it, now get back to asserting yourself. Even if it does mean leading yourself down the 'Warlord of Brockton Bay' career Path.

Alec grinned as I came back, but I couldn’t decide if it was because he was glad or if it was at my expense. 

Based on what I know of him from fic, probably mostly at your expense, at this point.

“Glad you came back,” Lisa told me, a bit of a smile on her face, “Alec, can you go get the first aid kit?  It might be in the storage closet.”

Lisa probably is. Didn't Taylor remind Lisa of her brother that committed suicide or something?

There was only one spot of real damage, a puncture where it looked like a fang had buried itself deep in the top of my forearm and then dragged an inch or so down towards my wrist as it made its exit.  The area around it was already turning colors with bruising.  I wasn’t sure how deep the puncture was, but I was pretty sure it should have been hurting more than it did.  The blood from the injury had trickled down my arm, and was still welling out.

I shudder to think how many injuries and scars Taylor will have by the end of this

“That was awesome, you know,” Alec told me, as he returned with the first aid kit, “I didn’t think you had it in you to kick someone’s ass.”  I glared at him, but he just sat on the back of the sofa, his legs kicking like an excited kid.

I'm not sure Taylor realized she had it in her, tbh.

Alec complained, “We all do, Brian made us all take a comprehensive class less than a week after we were gathered as a team.  Such a pain in the ass, believe me.  He’ll make you do it too.” “I already did,” I admitted, “One of the first things I did.”

Good old planning schemer Taylor.

Brian just looked at me and flashed that boyish smile again.  I looked away, embarrassed that a guy like him would get pleased like that on my account. 

On the other hand, for all the reasons that people consider Taylor into girls, she definitely does also seem to be pretty clearly into guys.

The other day someone, while making a shitty argument about what fanfic is, said something to the effect of 'brian wasn't shipped with Taylor' in Worm, which... I mean, yes, technically, because OG characters aren't 'shipped' by their own writers, but also like... I mean...

That's pretty fucking shippy text right there.

While Alec continued laughing, Brian got to his feet and ran up to the smaller boy, at which point he got Alec in a headlock and began punching him in the shoulder repeatedly.  This abuse only made Alec laugh harder in between his cries of pain.

Is Alec just a masochist, or what? :rofl: (More likely this is mostly just roughhousing, but w/e)

 “It’s a bit complicated to explain, but basically, Alec can get into people’s nervous systems.  This lets him fire off impulses that set off reflexes or make body parts jerk into motion.  It’s not a dramatic power, but with timing, he can make someone fall over midstep, drop something, lose their sense of balance or pull the trigger on a gun.”

Really, seems like the Undersiders' whole schtick is powers that don't seem flashy but can be overoptimized. That's super powerful, situationally.

Sitting a few feet away, Bitch muttered, “They aren’t freakish.”

Yes, you fucking psychopath, they absolutely are.

(Whether or not I will grow to like her later doesn't mean I like her now)

It was hard to think of Rachel by her real name.  Bitch seemed really fitting given the stunt she had pulled.  I apologized to Lisa, “Sorry.”

Right there with you. But honestly, I'm with the PRT. Hellhound works better. I would not be able to take myself seriously calling someone by the codename 'Bitch' all the time.

Lisa added, “It’s not just hearing.  It also cuts off radio signals and dampens the effects of radiation.”

Powers. Are. Bullshit.

It was like someone had taken a scalpel to reality and the blackness was what was there when everything else was gone.  

So.... Vantablack?

Vantablack.

(Also, that is quite evocative, and yet not descriptive at all, but damn if it doesn't make the point)

“Home, I guess,” I admitted, “My dad will wonder where I am.”

The only member of the Undersiders with a concerned parent.

“Taylor, if there’s anyone that’s making you make this call… the bullies or someone else, tell me everything is fine.  If you’re not in trouble, tell me your mother’s full name.”

And the prize for "Father trying his best to actually be a good dad for change" goes to...

(genuinely though, he is trying)

“Better than ever.  I kind of made some friends,” I said.

I wouldn't go that far yet. You haven't even committed any crimes together yet.

“They seem like good people,” I lied.

I mean, for a given value of 'good', it's not even a lie.

[paper--moons]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

So I was tagged by @agerefandom for this fun little game. Thanks for thinking of me! Seeing as how a lot of these questions are AO3 focused and a bunch of my agere writing is here on Tumblr, I may blend my answers a bit. Hope that's okay! Anyhow, going to pop this under a readmore so as to not clog anybody's dash. 🌙

1.) How many stories do you have on A03?

On my primary AO3 account I currently have four public works and six private works, though I've published quite a few more on the site under a different pseud. And then I have many headcanon posts/ficlets here, of course.

2.) What's your total A03 word count?

My total AO3 word count is 51,743 words (again, that is just for my primary). Comparatively, the word count for my little old blog here sits at 145,222 words! (Not including my minis, that's just my big posts.)

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Whatever speaks to me, really! If it's something I'm a fan of, there's a good chance I've got WIPs and scraps squirreled away in my files for it. Whether those ever see the light of day is another story entirely however haha.

4.) Top 5 fics by kudos?

Going to do another split answer here—my top (public) fic over on AO3 is Being Okay. My top blog posts are regressor!Zuko, regressor!Peter Parker, regressor!Bruce Wayne with cg!Clark Kent, and regressor!Shigaraki Tomura with cg!Sako Atsuhiro.

5.) Do you respond to comments?

Always! Unless some terrible, ill-fate has befallen me (migraine or some such), I make sure to respond to people's comments.

6.) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I believe the angstiest ending I've written is for one of my private works tbh. Whether I'm writing fanfic or original work I tend to gravitate towards themes like the loss of self and what it means to be changed. Change can be good, yes, but there's always grief there as well.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is a harder one to answer, given that the happiest/fluffiest stuff I write is for the blog and even then I skew towards hurt/comfort. Maybe Taako on Board? That one I tagged as fluff at least, but it's a few years old now so it isn't the greatest.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

Mm, not particularly? I did receive a rather rude comment the other day, but I just blocked and moved along. I have received a few "kys" messages over my agere works before, though it's been awhile since the last one.

9.) Do you write smut?

Indeed I do! Though perhaps not in the most traditional sense? Flashing my ace card here. When I write smut the focus is more on the sensuality and emotions rather than the physicality of the scene since that aspect doesn't exactly appeal to me. But none of that is posted here, of course.

10.) Craziest crossover?

While I'm not against crossovers, I personally haven't written any. I've certainly come across some neat ones though!

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in its entirety, no. Though I have had scenes and ideas clearly lifted beat for beat, with the person admitting they "saw the idea around but couldn't remember where" despite it being a small community back then. But hey, it's fanfic. They can play in the space all they like as far as I'm concerned.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Funnily enough, I have been approached quite a few times over the years about having one fic or another translated or made into a podfic. Each time I've given the go ahead, but nothing ever came of it.

13.) Have you co-written a fic before?

No, not unless you consider rp as co-writing a fic. Which personally I feel like it counts? It is co-writing.

14.) All-time favorite ship?

Oh, a real toughie! There are so many... I enjoy Erasermic, obviously. Really any combination of the rooftops (all four of them), as I have always been one to polyship. I've been reading a lot of Kazumaji lately though. And then there are the classics that will always have me, like Vegebul.

15.) What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

All of them haha. But really, out of my fanfic WIPs I think I'd like to finish the one that's closest to being AO3 ready. Which is (perhaps unsurprisingly) a regressor!Aizawa fic. Featuring things such as quirk shenanigans, a well-meaning yet meddlesome Class 1A, and cg!Yagi. The draft is at 21,131 words, but I just can't settle on an ending.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

Probably my ability to establish the mood of a scene? I've been told I'm very good with creating things like suspense or an unsettling atmosphere in my original works (which are quite a bit darker than what I post here, naturally).

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

While I am forever honing my craft, I feel I always struggle with endings and perhaps always will. Also, I worry over my dialogue not sounding natural enough, or not having nailed the correct character voice. Pacing is another thing that I tend to fuss over quite a bit and tweak constantly. And I tend to operate in a cyclical manner rather than a linear one, which Western culture does not particularly favor.

18.) Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

This is pretty situational imo. If the POV character doesn't understand the other language, I tend to focus on how the words are being spoken (gently, harshly, etc.) to convey the meaning/emotion. However if it is something they speak, then I tend to indicate in another way the language they are using has changed (so typically through italics and dialogue tags). But some words and phrases don't necessarily have a one-to-one counterpart in English, and so those should be kept as is.

19.) First fandom you wrote in?

The first fandom I wrote for was Batman, I do believe. Published my first drabble of a fic over on ff.net when I was somewhere in the ballpark of 13ish. It was pretty agere adjacent, too. Iirc it was a little fluff piece with Bruce and Dick centered around the concept of bedtime.

20.) Favorite fic you've written?

Wish I could tell you, but it's a secret! As for my posts though, I think one of my favorites is my regressor!Cody Walsh, or maybeee my regressor!Okuta Kagero. I'm also very fond of my cg!Gildarts Clive post, though all of my creative works hold a special place in my heart.

[gaykey]

Hi! I'm Kshawol. I've just recently gotten into SHINee and I have a few questions that I was hoping you could answer (I'm using a translator right now, so I can't help it if my English is awkward).1. actually... I'm pretty sure some Kshawol's besides me don't think Key is straight, seriously, not just an RPS thing. Of course, they don't say that on their public Twitter accounts, they just talk amongst themselves on their private accounts. To be honest, I think that's what the public thinks, too, just, "Everything Key does and says makes me feel like he's gay!" And we report those YouTube comments when we see them, because it's rude to make assumptions about someone's sexuality anyway. So, I'm just curious, because I've been Googling and there's a lot of stories, and you have them on your account right now, that Key used to frequent gay bars in the early days of his career (was that in the early 2010s?) and that Minho used to pick him up when he was drunk, and I'm wondering if that's true, and if he's been saying queer-coded things in interviews and Instagram posts and stuff. I got that feeling recently when he was explaining why he gave his fans the nickname Lil freak. Personally, I don't think he'll ever come out of the closet, even if he is queer, and he'll continue to live in his frosted glass closet. Coming out in Korea is very difficult and takes a lot of courage, especially for celebrities. Right now, the most famous gay celebrity in Korea, he was outed unwillingly, and he immediately had his whole career in jeopardy, and as far as I know, it took him about 10 years before he was able to go back on TV again, with all kinds of sexual harassment and bigoted comments from people. Anyway, that happened. Umm... what do you think about that?

2. talking about Taemin, his queer performance is already widely known, so I won't ask about it. Sometimes some people talk about him having ADHD or even being on the autism spectrum, though they're in the minority, and I know of a tumblr blog that talks about it, and it's a very interesting hypothesis! As an ADHD person myself, there are times when I'm pretty sure he does have ADHD, but of course, that's... Kshawol doesn't really like it and it's not even talked about... In Korea, that interpretation is considered very rude and insulting, because we don't have good awareness of neurodiversity, so it's kind of a cultural difference. I wonder how Taemin's ADHD/ASD behaviors are viewed abroad.

hello, hope you're well! oooh, well your translator must be pretty good, because your english is coming across pretty perfect.

ok, so i'll try to answer all your questions as best as i can.

i've said before, and i've heard, that a lot of kshawols & the general public, pretty much know key's gay, especially in the queer community. in regards to making assumptions being rude - it depends on if those assumptions are from people assuming based on negative stereotypes. i think queer people, like myself, assuming based on seeing parts of ourselves in him, is not rude or harmful.

the kind of comments you report, are probably intended to be hateful.

when we talk about key's sexuality here it isn't. straight isn't the default, and there shouldn't be a this weird stigma around queer people, seeing and recognising other queer people!

the stuff about gay bars are all rumours. i noted that in the posts about it, that they're really old (yeah it was the early 2010's) and have no source, and should therefore not be taken too seriously. it was just a bit of fun to talk about the kind of things that were floating around the fandom at the time.

has he been saying queer coded stuff? tbh, i think soooo much of what he does, says, likes, dislikes, sings about, is interested in, ect. is queer-coded. i genuinely couldn't pick out a singualr incident.

and like yeah! i have an entire tag about how he calls fans lil freak alone, and what that means, and why it's significant to me, and to other lgbt+ people. and why it's very telling that kibum chose to call us that.

i've gone back & forth a lot about whether i think he'll come out one day, and i agree with you. whilst he's in the industry, he'll stay in his glass closet situation.

he doesn't need to come out if he doesn't want to. the ones that get it, already get it!

and yes, i know about hong seokcheon, and what happened to him, and whilst he's doing well now, it wasn't easy, and he endured so much. he clawed his career back, and it's incredibly inspiring, but.....

nowhere near enough progress has been made since.

i would never want key to have to face that in the current industry climate.

in regards to taemin!

i don't have adhd and i'm not on the spectrum in any way, so i would not at all feel comforable with making any judment on taemin in that way - but yes, i have seen a lot of discussion from neurodivergent people in regards to it.

it's definitely not something that's taboo to talk about in some cases, but, i would still say there's still a stigma in regards to neurodivergency in the international fandom. possibly moreso than kibum's sexuality?

some fans get sooooo angry when people with autism suggest taemin might have it too. again! it's not a negative thing!

anyway, i hope i answered your questions???? i don't know how well your translator picks up my all over the place way of talking lol

hope you have a good day/night! 💕

[puellaphantasia]

20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @atlas-affogato Thank you so much for the tag

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

10 (what really? It feels like there should be more, whoa)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

310,441

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The JCA brain rot is so real, I've got pretty much everything else on hold, but I have completed and uncompleted fics for Star vs the Forces of Evil and some Owl House that are on indefinite hiatus because I really don't care for the series anymore.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Holding onto Dust - Completed Svtfoe multi chapter

Vicissitude - Indefinite Hiatus, toh fic multi-chapter

Enemy Mine - Uncompleted, indefinite hiatus svtfoe fic, that I might revisit some day multi chapter

Healing to the Hurt - Complete Doctor Who One Shot, I was planning a series of one shots connected to it, but lost inspiration for it

Be All my Sins Remembered - Indefinite Hiatus Toh Multi chapter based on an AU I was role playing

5. Do you respond to comments?

I'm really trying to get into the habit of this, even if it's just to say thank you. I used to only respond if people had question

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

90% of my fics don't have happy endings, even the ones that aren't finished are likely to end in angst. I feel like it would be a disservice to choose one with the angstiest ending.

Though, as a personal pick of the one that made me cry the most while writing, it's The Enemies of Fate. Please, do note that this is a svtfoe one shot featuring my OC that I wrote for myself for my birthday.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm, I guess it's too early to to say JCA ↺ since I am obviously nowhere near the ending and there will be plenty of pain between then and now, so I guess the most feel good fic is the Doctor Who one, but despite the angst, I think Holding onto Dust ends with a cute hopeful scene that satisfied my readers.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been called evil (affectionate), but hmm, I don't think I've gotten legit hate since I started writing again. Had some hate comments on my ff.net days from high school but eh... tbh I got more love for it even then so even though I want to nuke my old ff.net account because I don't like most of my old stuff, I'm not going to

And I'm not sharing my old penname either

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hm, so I've written love scenes, but calling it smut implies a level of raunchiness that I'm not sure I actually write.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, I'm kind of becoming more disinterested in crossovers outside of a few jokes with Oddity

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? Back in my ff.net days, I would get people who asked to translate my fics into their native languages, and I occasionally saw people do it without permission but I was at least credited as the original author.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Haha, yes, I just answered this. I haven't had it happen since moving to A03, to my knowledge but it would be an honor. I've had comics drawn of fics, too.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oddity and I have collabed in the past, she doesn't write fanfic any more but I consider her my co-pilot, I bounce my best ideas off of her.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Can't really say I have an all time favorite

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mentioned it before, but Enemy Mine. I haven't touched the fandom in over a year, but if I ever get the svtfoe bug again, I would love to finish it

16. What are your writing strengths?

Pain. Scope, definitely, I have big ideas and I definitely have what it takes to make them a reality, no "I'm not good enough to write this" here. I also am really good at connecting my ideas with little bits of lore and setting up plot threads with big pay offs later (↺ fans get hype) and my fics defintely have reread value.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm told that I'm really good at writing fight scenes and action sequences, but no matter how many times in how many years people assure me that they are amazing, I do not believe this and cannot be convinced otherwise. Dialogue, too. If I get stuck on a project it's 80-95% because I don't know how to make the characters say what I want them to say

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't see a problem with it, as long as there is some effort into getting it right. I'll use online translators and cross check on sources to try to make sure what I'm writing is authentic for small snippets of dialog, but I'm always open to and encourage native speakers to correct me if there's a better way of saying it. However for long conversations, I like to use italics and distinguish that what's being said is not actually in English.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Posted online? Pirates of the Caribbean. Off the record, I turned in what was essentially Digimon fanfic with name swaps for grades when I was a child. I was told I was very creative.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Completed is definitely Holding onto Dust. I was pretty excited about where Vicissitude was going until I fell out of love with the fandom, but I'm still pretty proud of what I had written. But I cannot emphasize enough how excited I am for JCA ↺