#realizing that despite his best efforts he was starting to cry when he went through with killing himself...

[rafesorchid]

Hii, just wondering if do a little blurb for a reader who cries when they're angry. Like Rafe and the reader are in an argument and maybe he's yelling or smth but after the reader says a few things she like breaks down sobbing while trying to argue but failing

★ don't cry, baby

wait i actually lov this

you weren’t even trying to argue, not really. not at first.

you’d just asked a question—maybe a little sharp, maybe too much tension curled in your tone—but it had been innocent in your head. a simple “where were you?” that somehow struck a nerve.

he looked at you like you’d said something cruel. like you’d accused him of something he didn’t do.

and maybe that’s where it all started.

“i told you i was with topper,” he snapped, standing in the middle of the living room with his arms crossed, shoulders tight. “why do you keep asking me that?”

you blinked, trying to keep calm. “because you didn’t answer your phone all night.”

“my phone died,” he shot back. “what, you think i’m lying?”

you didn’t say anything, and maybe that’s what pissed him off the most.

rafe had always been like this—his fuse a little too short, his voice a little too loud when he felt cornered. you’d gotten used to it, most days. he never meant to yell. he never meant to make you feel small. but tonight, your skin already felt raw, and every word he threw sounded sharper than usual.

“jesus, y/n, what do you want from me?” he barked, running a hand through his hair like he was trying to pull the frustration out of his skull. “you want a fucking minute-by-minute breakdown of my night? is that it?”

you flinched, just a little, but enough that his face changed for a split second—like he noticed. like he regretted it.

but you were too far in now.

“no,” you said softly, voice trembling despite your best effort. “i just wanted to know why you didn’t come home.”

he scoffed, shaking his head. “i fell asleep, alright? topper’s couch. didn’t know i had to report back to you like i’m on parole.”

“you said you’d be back,” you whispered.

“and i didn’t realize that meant i was gonna get interrogated like this if i wasn’t. god, y/n, i can’t fucking breathe with you sometimes—”

“don’t say that,” you cut in, your voice cracking, and that was the beginning of the end.

your chest felt tight. your face hot. and even though you were still trying—still trying to argue back, to explain, to stand your ground—your eyes were already burning.

he didn’t notice at first. or maybe he did and ignored it.

“you always do this,” he muttered, pacing now. “always think the worst of me. always turn shit into a fight when i’m already f*cking trying.”

“i’m not trying to fight with you,” you said, louder than before, but your voice wobbled on the last word.

and that’s when it happened.

you opened your mouth to keep going—“i just wanted to feel like you cared, like you didn’t forget about me”—but all that came out was a strangled little sob. not cute. not quiet. not something you could play off.

you were crying. fully crying.

and rafe went still.

your hands came up to your face instinctively, wiping at the tears like you could stop them, like that would fix the way your voice broke every time you tried to speak. you shook your head, trying to get it together, trying to finish what you’d started.

“i’m not—” another sob cracked through your words. “i’m not trying to fight, i’m not—god, i’m so tired, i just—i don’t even know—”

rafe’s expression crumbled like wet paper.

“baby—” his voice dropped, suddenly soft, hesitant.

but you kept going. you were spiraling now, sobbing into your palms, barely able to form words between gasps for air.

“you’re always mad at me, and i’m always scared of saying the wrong thing, and i hate feeling like this, i hate crying, i hate this—”

“baby, no—shh, hey, come here, come here,” rafe was in front of you before you could move, hands on your arms, panicked. “fuck, i didn’t—i didn’t mean to make you cry.”

you hiccuped through another sob, trying to pull away, but he wouldn’t let you.

“don’t,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest despite your protests. “don’t push me away. not right now. i’m here, i’m right here.”

you were shaking.

your tears soaked through his shirt. your hands clutched at his sides without meaning to, like your body needed the comfort more than your brain wanted it.

“‘m sorry,” you gasped, half-incoherent. “i don’t cry like this, i swear, i just—I get mad, and then i cry, and i can’t talk when i’m like this, and—”

“shh, baby, stop. don’t apologize. please don’t apologize.”

he held you tighter. rocked you a little. kissed your hair.

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” he murmured. “this is my fault. i shouldn’t have yelled. i didn’t mean any of that shit, okay? you didn’t deserve that.”

you sniffled, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt.

he moved one hand to the back of your head, cradling it gently, and kept whispering.

“i just get so fucking stupid sometimes. when i think you’re upset with me, i get loud, and i get mean, and i hate that i do that. you’re the last person i ever wanna hurt.”

you didn’t answer, still catching your breath, tears still leaking from the corners of your eyes even as they slowed.

“you have every right to be mad,” he said softly. “i told you i’d come home and i didn’t. you were just worried, weren’t you?”

you nodded against his chest, miserably.

“and then i showed up and started yelling like a f*cking asshole. jesus, baby, i’m so sorry.”

you mumbled something unintelligible, and rafe leaned down, tipping your chin up gently so he could see your face.

“say that again?”

“i didn’t mean to cry,” you whispered. “i hate crying when i’m angry. i hate it.”

“hey,” he said, brushing your hair back. “look at me.”

you did, barely.

his expression was nothing but soft now, like all the anger had drained out of him the moment he saw your tears.

“you cry because you care,” he said, voice low. “and that’s not a bad thing.”

you swallowed thickly, lip trembling.

“it’s embarrassing.”

“it’s not,” he promised. “it’s not, baby. not to me.”

he wiped a tear from your cheek with his thumb, lingering there for a second too long. like he couldn’t stand the idea of leaving you upset.

“you’re so strong all the time,” he murmured. “sometimes you forget you’re allowed to break a little. you don’t have to hold it in with me.”

you leaned into his touch without meaning to, and he took that as a sign to guide you to the couch. he sat down first, pulling you into his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“you warm enough?” he asked, wrapping his arms around you again. “want a blanket?”

you shook your head, resting your forehead against his collarbone.

he kissed the top of your head.

“i’ll be better,” he said quietly. “i promise.”

you didn’t say anything for a while. your tears dried slow, breath returning steady. you could feel your face aching from crying, throat raw, head pounding.

but rafe held you like he had nowhere else to be. like you were something fragile he couldn’t afford to let go of. he didn’t try to make it better with jokes or fake promises. he just stayed, quiet and steady.

and eventually, when your voice came back, you whispered:

“i just wanted you to come home.”

his arms tightened around you instantly.

“i know,” he said. “and i will. every time. i swear.”

you closed your eyes, exhaling shakily.

“okay.”

he kissed your temple.

“don’t cry, baby,” he murmured again, softer now. “you got me. i’m here.”

[bestalbertcamuslover]

Their Daughter's First Breakup

↳ Masterlist

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

✯ pairing:  Toto Wolff x Wife! Reader ✯

✯ content warnings: none✯

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

Having a teenager was rough. Teenagers experience so much—the highs and the lows—and the lows can get very, very low sometimes. Everything feels like a burden, even the smallest of inconveniences, which we only realize are small when we look at them in the rearview.

Charlotte, their daughter, had just come home. y/n had come home from work not too much earlier. 

“Hey, how was your day?” she asked her daughter with a soft smile, “did they gave you that biology test you said ‘it went so bad’,” she added, knowing that despite her thoughts she would end up with an outstanding grade.

“Yeah, an A,” Charlotte responded, through her tone giving away she was not in the mood.

The kitchen was quiet except for the gentle hum of the refrigerator and the occasional clatter of dishes as she tidied up. Charlotte sat at the kitchen table, poking at a bowl of cereal with her spoon, her expression distant.

She could sense something was off—Charlotte wasn’t her usual chatty self. Even her response about the biology test, which normally would’ve been delivered with pride or an exaggerated tale of woe, had been flat.

“An A, huh?” she said, trying to keep her tone light as she leaned against the counter. “I knew you’d ace it. You always do, even when you swear it’s the end of the world.”

Charlotte shrugged, her eyes fixed on her cereal. “Yeah, I guess.”

Her mother frowned slightly, setting the dish towel down and walking over to the table. She sat across from Charlotte, folding her hands on the table. “What’s going on, sweetheart? You’ve been extremely quiet”

“Nothing,” Charlotte replied too quickly, her voice tinged with irritation.

She tilted her head, her eyes soft with concern. “Charlotte…”

Her daughter sighed, her shoulders slumping as she finally set the spoon down. “It’s just… I’m tired, okay? School was long, and people were annoying, and…” She trailed off, her voice catching slightly.

“...And?”

Charlotte hesitated, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve. “It’s stupid.”

“Nothing’s stupid if it’s bothering you,” her mom said gently, reaching across the table to rest a hand on Charlotte’s. “Talk to me, love.”

Charlotte looked down, her eyes welling up despite her best efforts to keep it together. “Liam… broke up with me,” she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her heart clenched as she watched her daughter fight back tears. “Oh, sweetheart,” she said, getting up to move around the table and sit beside her. She wrapped her arms around Charlotte, who did not resist the hug but leaned into her instead.

“It’s so dumb,” Charlotte said, her voice muffled against her shoulder. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. It’s not like we were together that long, but… it just hurts.”

“It’s not dumb,” her mom reassured her, rubbing her back soothingly. “It hurts because it mattered to you. And it’s okay to feel that way.”

Charlotte sniffled, pulling back slightly. “I just don’t get it. He said I was ‘too much’ or something. Like, what does that even mean?”

Her mom’s brow furrowed. “It means he didn’t know how lucky he was to have you,” she said firmly. “And that’s his loss, not yours.”

Charlotte let out a watery laugh, wiping her eyes. “You’re just saying that because you’re my mom.”

“I’m saying it because it’s true,” she countered, cupping Charlotte’s face gently. “You’re smart, kind, and funny, and anyone who doesn’t see that doesn’t deserve you. Liam clearly wasn’t ready for someone as amazing as you.”

Charlotte smiled faintly, her tears starting to slow. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Always, love,” she said, pulling her into another hug. “Breakups suck, I know, but as far as I’m concerned no one has died from one,” she added, her tone lighter, trying to make her chuckle.

“I could be the first case,” her daughter chuckled slightly, still leaning into the embrace.

“Nope, not happening with me around,” she said softly, “I promise, it will pass, now it hurts, but it will pass, it always does, okay?”

Charlotte nodded, her face still slightly teary. 

“And while it does pass,” her mom started, “do you want to do something, maybe go shopping, you know to speed up the process,” she suggested with a light grin.

Charlotte wiped her eyes, her lips curving into a faint smile. “Yeah, okay. Shopping sounds nice,” she said softly.

Her mom grinned, a spark of relief lighting up her expression. “Perfect..”

Charlotte chuckled lightly, the sound still a bit shaky but genuine. “You’re really just looking for an excuse to go shopping, aren’t you?”

“Busted,” her mom teased, nudging her gently. “But seriously, a little retail therapy never hurt anyone. Go get ready, and I’ll grab my purse.”

“Okay,” Charlotte said, standing up from the table. The weight in her chest felt a bit lighter now, even if the ache of the breakup still lingered.

As Charlotte headed upstairs to change, her mom lingered in the kitchen, pulling out her phone to text Toto.

Taking Charlotte out for a little mother-daughter shopping trip. She had a rough day. Will fill you in later.

Moments later, Toto replied: Got it. Let me know if you need me to join. Give her a hug from me.

Smiling at his message, she slipped her phone into her bag and turned toward the stairs. “Ready when you are, Charlotte!” she called out.

Charlotte appeared a few minutes later, her eyes still slightly puffy but her expression more relaxed. “Let’s go.”

With a reassuring smile, her mom wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they headed to the car. “This is going to be fun, you’ll see.”

Charlotte leaned into her slightly, grateful for the comfort. “Thanks, Mom. For everything.”

“Always, sweetheart,” she said warmly, starting the Mercedes.

Later, almost night, the car pulled into the driveway late in the evening, the headlights casting long shadows against the house. Charlotte and her mom stepped out, the trunk bursting with shopping bags from every upscale store they had visited. Charlotte’s laughter rang through the quiet evening as she struggled to carry her share of the bags.

“Okay, okay, I think I went a little overboard,” her mom admitted with a laugh, balancing a few bags on her arms.

“You think?” Charlotte teased, a playful smile lighting up her face. She looked more like herself again, her earlier heartbreak now a distant hum rather than a sharp pang.

She smiled fondly as she glimpsed that very genuine smile on her daughter’s face. The evening went really well, not only due to the shopping, which contributed greatly, but the company.

They juggled the bags to the door, and as soon as it opened, they were greeted by the warm glow of the foyer lights. The familiar scent of home wrapped around them like a comforting hug.

Toto appeared at the top of the staircase, dressed casually in a button-down and slacks. He descended quickly, his tall frame moving gracefully. “Late night, I see,” he remarked, his voice carrying a mix of curiosity and amusement. His eyes flicked to the mountain of bags they were unloading onto the floor. “Did you leave anything in the stores?”

“Not much,” Charlotte quipped, a grin breaking across her face.

Toto smiled, clearly relieved to see her looking happier. He stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “You seem better,” he said softly.

“She’s feeling much better,” her mom confirmed, setting her bags down and stretching her arms. “And we might have single-handedly boosted the local economy tonight.”

Charlotte laughed. “It helped, though. I needed this.”

Toto crouched slightly, looking Charlotte in the eye. “Good. That’s all that matters. You’ll get through this, you know.”

Charlotte nodded, her smile soft but genuine. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Always,” he said warmly before standing and turning to his wife. “And you—thank you for taking care of her.”

“Of course,” she replied with a knowing smile. “Now, I’m going to make some tea. Charlotte, why don’t you start figuring out where all these bags are going to fit in your room?”

Charlotte rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Right. I’ll just call an architect and plan an extension.”

As she gathered her bags and headed upstairs, Toto slipped an arm around his wife’s waist, pulling her close. “You really are amazing, you know that?”

She tilted her head, giving him a teasing smile. “I hope you remind me of that every so often.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Every chance I get.”

From upstairs, they heard Charlotte call out, “Mom, where did you put that bag from Dior?!”

She groaned, laughing. “Coming!”

Toto released her with a smile, watching her head upstairs to join Charlotte.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶

✯ authors note: I don't why today I write so daughter related, but honestly, imagine having Toto Wolff as a husband or as a dad...

BTW, random, but when I was writing it I could not stop thinking about Fleabag, this scene:

English is not my first language and I hope you liked it <3

[allyricas]

Steddie au where after Vecna and the upside down stuff is resolved, Steve and Eddie inadvertently become hunters.

Despite everything they went through, neither man can move on once they realize there's all sorts of monsters in the world. That people are being hurt and killed because of it.

It starts with a vengeful spirit that's harassing one of Steve's neighbors. He survives on adrenaline and luck, but manages to handle it.

Eddie just happens to stumble upon Steve digging up an old grave in the middle of the night. He implicitly trusts Steve, so he sticks around.

He's the one to set the decayed corpse on fire after Steve salts it and pours the gasoline. Eddie simply assumed there's a valid reason he just helped his friend desecrate a dead body.

Steve just grunts out "vengeful spirit." He explains this was his last ditch effort to get rid of the thing. It was terrorizing his sweet, elderly neighbor. She always makes him cookies and she's all alone, so he had to try to do something.

Steve jumps in before he even stopped to think about the fact that he knows nothing about spirits and the supernatural outside of the upside down. He had to visit the library which was only slightly helpful but it did give him the idea about salt. He figured burning Vecna worked, why not the bones of this evil ghostie.

Eddie takes this information remarkably well. It turns out he grew up hearing all sorts of stories about the paranormal from his Uncle Wayne. When Wayne was younger, he was a hunter and he told Eddie about the cases he'd worked over the years without warning him it was all true.

They head to Wayne and ask about it. He lets them in on the big secret: everything you think is a scary story or myth has some root in reality. You name it, it's probably real in some capacity and yes, people die because of it.

He explains he chose to quit hunting after he took in Eddie because "hunting is no way to raise a kid and I was going to take care of you the best I could."

Knowing the truth of what's out there, Steve and Eddie simply cannot go back to normal life. They train and learn as they go along but become damn good hunters. Wayne gives them his journal and tells them to call if they ever need help.

He is a goddamn fount of knowledge especially with obscure lore and mythology. He teaches Eddie and Steve everything he knows, despite his fear of them hunting. It's a lonely and dangerous job and he'd hoped Eddie would never get involved.

The problem is that none of the other people in their life understand why the guys are always on extended trips. Neither of them want their friends involved, so they skirt the truth. Robin would insist on helping, but she has college. The party is too young and has been through too much.

So they distance themselves. Lie to their loved ones and give up any notion of a traditional life. There's too much out there. One day maybe their friends will understand that this was for them. To keep them safe and help keep the world a little safer.

The secret only gets revealed when the supernatural comes to Hawkins once again. Joyce and Hopper buy an old house to restore and accidentally unleash something much worse than a vengeful spirit.

Cue Steve and Eddie showing up to save the day and having to explain that yeah, they've known about all of this stuff for years. And yes it's why they are always gone, why they are so secretive.

It's this case that finally makes them confront their feelings for one another. Steve nearly dies protecting Joyce. Both men have had close calls before. That's the life you live as a hunter but this one was too close. There's too much blood and Eddie thinks he's lost him.

He doesn't know whether to hit him for being careless or kiss him because, thank fuck, he's alive and grinning up at him with the crooked smile Eddie loves.

That he loves. Loves.

Oh. Oh.

Eddie kisses him, and it's messy and bloody and they're both crying. Joyce and Hopper are in the damn room, but who cares? Eddie is kissing his best friend, his partner, his apparent everything.

Steve just whispers to Eddie that it's about damn time.

They keep hunting, except they're together. They're also less reckless, less apt to throw their lives on the line just to solve a case. They let everyone else in the party in on the secret. Everyone is understandably upset at first, but accept it when they see how capable the men are.

Robin is just happy that Steve's finally telling her everything and agrees she would have tried to go too. She loves her career far too much to do what Steve and Eddie do. Even though she worries about them, she can see that they love hunting things and saving people.

The life of a hunter is never without its hardships. Things still go wrong occasionally, but now Steve and Eddie are also building a life together.

First they agree to stick to Hawkins and the surrounding area. Then it's only Hawkins. They settle down together, always keeping an eye out for things but let themselves rest.

Steve opens a bookstore that doubles as homebase for any hunting business. Eddie goes to college and majors in Folklore and Mythology. He eventually teaches classes for the local college.

As they get older, they do less hunting and more consulting for those who need it. It's well known in hunting circles to call Eddie and Steve Munson for information because they're the best around.

It's not the life either man imagined for themselves, but neither would want anything else. Hell, they've saved countless lives and that makes all the hard times worth it. It brought them together which means more than anything else in the world.

[makixroll]

SO HIGH SCHOOL — maki ۫ ꣑ৎ

pairing . . . maki x fem!reader

contents . . . highschool au , maki is mentioned a choir member , lowkey tsundere reader , + might be cringe for u guys lol

message . . . this has been in my drafts for like weeks alr lol i forgot abt it. might write a part 2 idk hihu. Ima js drop this off b4 i go—

Maki couldn't remember how or when did he start catching feelings for you. Maybe it was the time during high school when you accidentally stumbled inside the choir room when they were practicing, and due to their odd stares, you lied and told the teacher that you were a new member, and even watched and joined them practice. Except, at the end of the practice, you confessed that you weren't really a newly-recruited member and was just shy and embarassed enough to lie through it all.

Or maybe it was the time when he realized you were actually in the same class as him, except you rarely attend classes since you didn't have even an ounce of care with your studies. And surprise surprise! He was even your seatmate. Or was it when he found you all alone at the playground near his neighbourhood, only to realize once again that you two were in fact, neighbors.

Or when you two finally become close (due to his persistence) and you accompanied him when Maki was going to audition at Hybe Japan. Maki couldn't forget how you spent hours and hours at a nearby restaurant, waiting for him (im)patiently. And when you two were quietly walking home, his nerves still shaking as he thinks about his audition results, an unexpected mail from Hybe was sent to him.

Maki got accepted to be a trainee at Hybe Japan.

It felt like you were happier than he was, like you were the one who got accepted, because you jumped with joy, even shouting as you hugged Maki tightly, not caring if strangers were looking weirdly at you two. He didn't care as well, all he cared about was the way you hugged him, the warmth of your embrace as Maki's arms wrapped themselves around your waist, hugging you back as tightly.

This was the first time you ever hugged him; actually it was the first time you ever touched him. Maki couldn't waste this rare opportunity, so he savoured it, looking forward for your future embraces.

Or the fact that Maki found himself looking forward for training to end just so he could fetch you and spend the remaining time with you. Despite being tired, he never failed to miss even a day of spending little time with you.

Maybe that was the time you found yourself falling for him, too. Maki's efforts weren't unnoticed like he thought. Actually, you notice every single little thing he does to you, that he rarely— or never do to others. Like he never lets you carry your bag, even if his bag is too heavy because of his training stuffs, despite his love language being physical touch, he never forces you to do so, he never initiated anything, despite badly wanting to, unless you're the one who touch him first.

When Maki was notified that he'll be traveling to South Korea, to pursue his dream by joining a survival show, he didn't waste any time and went to your house to tell you the news. And you were truly happy for him, gushing about it as you two walked to the playground, where he first talked to you. You both sat at the swing as Maki tried to find the right words to tell you about his feelings.

"Seriously, Maki, if you're not gonna tell me then it's best if I should go home and actually do something produ—"

"I like you!" Well, that's a new way of shutting you up. You stared at him, heart racing, face red, eyes going wide as he stared back. Maki's ears were red, his grip on the swing tightened, biting his lower lip as he ready himself to get rejected.

"... go.. out with me..?" Maki mumbled, almost a whisper.

You averted your gaze, face still red. "I'll... go out with you. Only because I don't want to see you crying over me." You mumbled, and that was probably the biggest you've ever seen him smile.

[yena-enha]

Request - 2 (in comments) By @nithxhoon

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐇𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐬 - 𝐏𝐉𝐒

Warning - Heated argument, yelling, emotional distress, crying, oral sex (f receiving), overstimulation, hair-pulling, vulnerable Jay, praise, soft aftercare, strong language, implied established relationship

Note - MDNI (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT) / Interact At Your Own Risk / NSFW CONTENT

Genre - Angst + Smut + Fluff

Pairing - Jay x Fem!Reader

Song Inspiration - "Lose Control" by Teddy Swims

Word Count - 2.8k Words

Prompt - #1 + #59 + #88

#1 - When he yelled at you for the first time.

#59 - When he softly says, “I love you,” like a prayer.

#88 - When he ate you out like he was starving.

It started with the smallest thing.

A text you didn’t reply to.

A phone call he missed.

The way you were quieter than usual at dinner. But for Jay—whose love was loud in quiet gestures and control—it festered.

“I don’t get what you want from me anymore!” he snapped.

“You act like I’m not trying, but I am. Every fucking day, I am!” Your heart dropped.

“Jay, I never said—”“You don’t have to!” he cut in, voice rising.

“Your silence says it all.” The room went still. Your breath caught.

“Did you seriously just yell at me?”You weren’t crying yet, but your voice was already thick.

“I’ve never… I’ve never made you feel like you weren’t enough.” He flinched.

That was the moment he realized he went too far. But the damage was done. You walked past him, brushing his shoulder.

“You can sleep on the couch.”And he didn’t fight it.

Jay barely slept. He sat in the dark, shirtless on the cold leather, guilt crawling down his spine like ice water.

He’d never raised his voice at you before. Never wanted to see your eyes so full of disbelief and pain.

He’d made mistakes—but this… this was new. Unforgivable.

At 2:36 a.m., he cracked. The apartment was silent, save for the gentle hum of the fridge and his bare feet padding toward the bedroom.

He opened the door slowly. You were curled on your side, facing away.

A blanket swaddled you, but your shoulders shook—small, choked sobs slipping out despite your best efforts to be silent.It shattered him.

“Baby…” he said softly.You didn’t move.Jay stepped closer, crouching beside the bed.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t even know who that was earlier. I hate myself for making you look at me like that.”

Silence. His throat worked hard. “Please let me fix it,” he whispered, lips brushing your covered knee.

“Let me show you I mean it.”

Still nothing—but you didn’t pull away. So Jay gently peeled the blanket down. He crawled on the bed and settled between your legs, parting them slowly.

Your eyes finally met his—puffy and wet. Silent. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice cracking.

Then he leaned down and kissed your inner thigh.And again. And again—higher each time.

Your breath caught.You whispered his name, barely audible. “Jay…”But his only reply was his tongue—sliding through your folds like salvation.

He groaned softly at the taste of you. Like your body was the only absolution he deserved.

He mouthed at your clit slowly at first, circling with precision, but soon—soon he lost control.

Because this wasn’t just about your pleasure.

It was penance.

His grip on your thighs tightened, pulling you closer as he sucked harder, tongue flicking relentlessly, devouring every whimper you gave him.

“F-fuck,” you gasped, fingers threading into his dark hair.

He moaned into you, spurred on by the way you shook. His tongue worked fast, then slow—drawing out every bit of arousal, every cry that fell from your lips.

He needed to hear it. Needed to hear you fall apart for him again.

You arched under him, thighs trembling. “Jay—Jay—oh my god, I—”“Come for me,” he murmured, voice hoarse, lips brushing your soaked skin.

“Let me taste how much you still need me.”And you did.

With a choked sob, you came on his tongue—body arching, nails digging into his scalp, moaning his name like it was all you remembered.

But Jay didn’t stop.He kept going—slowly, then faster again—licking up every drop, overstimulating you until tears welled again in your eyes, this time from sheer intensity.

“Jay, I—I can’t—”He finally pulled away, face slick with you, eyes glassy with emotion.

He crawled up your body, kissing your lips softly, tasting you on both your tongues.

Then he looked in your eyes and whispered it.

“I love you.”A breath.“I love you.”Another.“I love you so much it scares me.”

You burst into fresh tears—because the way he said it… it wasn’t casual. It wasn’t even soft.

It was desperate. Like a prayer. Like he was begging the universe to forgive him through you.

“I love you too,” you whispered, broken.

Jay wrapped you in his arms, holding you tighter than ever before. “I’ll never raise my voice at you again,” he swore into your hair.

“Never. You didn’t deserve that. You never do.”

He kissed your temple, your cheeks, the corners of your lips.

Every part of you that had cried because of him.“I’m sorry,” he murmured again, over and over until your shaking calmed and your fingers found his chest.

That night, you fell asleep tangled in each other—still healing, still hurt—but together.

Because love wasn’t perfect.But Jay… Jay would spend forever learning how to love you better.

Masterlist || Introduction

Tell Me Your Desire|Prompt List|200 Yennies Celebration

[watermelonlovershigh]

In Sickness and in Health {part. 9} (housemate!harry series)

The Next Morning {part. 8} (housemate!harry series) (SMUT)

AN: sorry this part took so long. it took me forever to write. it's quite a longer part so i hope you enjoy reading. don't forget to leave your feedback and reblog. also i think something went wrong with my taglist so if you weren't sent this from me tagging you, idk what happened. xoxo

This story contains: vomit (stomach bug), sickness comfort, fluff, crying, mentions of neglectful ex partners, accidentally dropping "L" bomb at the end

{ housemate!harry - friends to lovers - boyfriend!harry - softrry - teacher!harry - au!harry }

word count- 3,750

Harry unfortunately catches a stomach virus the day after you made your relationship official and you have to pick him up from work and take care of him for the rest of day, which he greatly appreciates.

Harry woke up on Monday morning and started getting ready for work as usual. Despite feeling a slight cramp in his stomach, he chose to disregard it. Just before leaving the house, he returned to your bedroom where both of you had slept the previous night and gently kissed his girlfriend's forehead. You were still asleep, having the flexibility to work from home, so there was usually no need for you to wake up at the same time as Harry. On his way out the front door, he grabbed a banana from the kitchen before making his way to his car.

--------------------------

The stomach cramps that Harry felt while getting ready for work are still present, and as he starts teaching his first class of the day, he realizes that they're only getting worse. Initially, the sensation in his stomach was similar to cramps, but as time goes on, it becomes more of a swirling feeling that makes it difficult for him to focus on his task of teaching. Eventually, Harry opts to handing out worksheets for his students so he can sit down and attempt to alleviate the ache in his stomach.

Ultimately, the plan falls through because he reaches a point where he senses he's about to vomit all over his desk, in front of all his students, if he doesn't immediately go to the bathroom. Harry quietly gets up from his desk and leaves the classroom without any explanation. If he had more time, he would have requested his neighboring teacher to supervise his class while he steps out, but he's worried there's no time for that.

Upon reaching the hallway, Harry quickens his pace towards the nearby teachers' bathroom. Fortunately, they were conveniently located not too far from his own classroom. Without wasting a moment, he swiftly enters the one toilet bathroom, closes the door, and securely locks it behind him. Rushing towards the toilet, Harry manages to make it just in time. As he stands in front of the somewhat grimy white porcelain, he began to throw up the lasagna you'd cooked the night before and remnants of the banana he had forced himself to eat this morning.

When Harry completes the gross task, he straightens up, breathe labored, and retrieves some toilet paper to cleanse his nose and mouth. Subsequently, he flushes the toilet to prevent any further discomfort from the sight of his own puke. Now, he faces a dilemma. Is it possible that his sickness was a one-time occurrence, allowing him to continue teaching for the remainder of the day? Or, should he call and ask you to pick him up? He decides to pick the first option, unless he begins to feel sick again later on.

--------------------------

Despite his best efforts, Harry can only make it until lunchtime before he finally gives in and calls you to come pick him up. He's been sick twice more since the first incident, and there doesn't seem to be any improvement in his condition. On top of Harry's queasy stomach, he now has a pounding headache and doesn't want to take the chance of driving himself home and getting into an accident. It's really frustrating because just yesterday you both decided to make your relationship official, and now Harry is feeling terribly ill. This was definitely not how he had planned today going.

He wanted to come home and canoodle you all evening. Make you dinner and begin working on his promise of all the places he intends on fucking you in. But instead, he's presumably got some sort of stomach bug that hinders any of that from happening.

Alone in his classroom while his students are at lunch, he pulls out his cellphone and dials up your number.

"Hello." you pick up with an upbeat tone, unaware of how the conversation is about to go. By looking at the time on your laptop, you assume Harry's on his lunch break and has a moment to talk. He's called you on his lunch break in the past, but now it feels different. You're boyfriend and girlfriend. His calls feel more meaningful now.

Harry nervously requests through the phone, "M' sorry to bother you, but could you come pick me up? I think I've caught some sort of stomach bug. I've thrown up three times already and m' not feelin' any better. I've also got a headache now. M' not sure if I can drive myself home."

You've never heard Harry sound so, bleh, since your time of knowing him. All the happiness he usually carries in his voice is gone and it breaks your heart to hear. You immediately set your laptop down and stand from the couch to slip a pair of shoes on. "Yeah Harry, I'll come and get you. Whereabouts do I need to park?"

"Just at the front entrance. I'll walk up to your car." he mumbles, not wanting to talk too much with a queasy belly.

"Okay, I'll be there shortly. Hang tight." you finish the phone call off before hanging up and grabbing your keys to head out the door. If Harry feels as bad as he sounded over the phone, you'd hate for him to stay any longer then he has to. Poor thing must be miserable.

--------------------------

When you reach the school's entrance, you see Harry standing there with his teacher's satchel hanging over his shoulder and a hand casually resting on his stomach. After placing the car in park, Harry quickly opens the passenger door and climbs in. He's ridden in your car just a few times before, mainly when you go grocery shopping or when grabbing a meal together.

As soon as Harry shuts the car door, he tries to get settled in car seat as best as possible while feeling like total shit. "Thank you for comin' to get me. Don't think I would've made it if I had to drive myself home."

Before placing the car back into drive, you coo over to him softly, "It's no problem, really. I hate that you're so sick. You were fine all weekend. When did you begin feeling sick?"

"While I was gettin' ready for work this mornin', I noticed my belly crampin' but ignored it. Then durin' my first class of the day, the crampin' turned into nausea before I ended up bein' sick in the teacher's toilet."

With the car in drive now, you begin pulling out of the school's lot and make the journey back to Harry's (yours too technically) house. "Awe, well I'll take care of you. No worries. In sickness and in health."

Harry abruptly turns his head to face you, worsening the throbbing headache he had been enduring, and instantly regretting his impulsive action. "What?" he responds with a touch of confusion, though internally filled with excitement over the end of your statement. "In sickness and in health? We only started datin' yesterday, we're not married." He refrains from expressing his true desire for future marriage.

Smiling playfully at the road, you reply, "I understand that, but I believe when you truly care about someone, you should stick to that commitment regardless of marriage. And since I'm your girlfriend and you're now my boyfriend, it means I care about you deeply and will take care of you, no matter the circumstances." What you really wanted to say is when you love someone alot, but didn't want to throw the love bomb in this conversation, afraid of how he'd react.

Harry feels as though he might throw up again and not from his stomach bug this time, but rather due to the pure admiration he feels towards you. Your endless compassion and selflessness towards him has the ability to make his heart feel as though it could burst at any given moment. He reciprocates these feelings wholeheartedly, even from the early stages of your relationship when you were just housemates and acquaintances. During that time, he took care of you when you were sick due to your period cramps, showcasing his genuine concern for your well-being during a time where you were most vularable.

--------------------------

After a ten-minute drive, you finally arrive home, and Harry silently expresses his gratitude towards the heavens above for helping him keep his stomach under control. He really didn't want to accidentally be sick in your car or have you pull over suddenly so he could spew on the side of the road. He's determined not to disgust his new girlfriend too much on your first full day together, although he's confident that you would have handled the situation with grace.

Getting out of the car, you instruct, "Go lie in bed and I'll bring you some medicine and plain crackers, alright. I'm gonna take care of you."

"Noo....." Harry whines as he drags his feet along the pavement to the front door, "don't wanna eat anythin'."

"But Harry, you need something on your tummy."

Huffing, he argues, "M' just gonna throw it back up and I don't wanna be sick again. I hate throwin' up."

You unlock the front door and step inside the living room, slipping off your shoes and placing your keys down. "I know baby but the medicine on an empty stomach may make you feel worse. Just a few nibbles is all I'm asking. And if you get sick afterwards, that's okay. At least I know you tried for me." Hey, you used the term 'baby' in a non sexual setting and it felt good. It felt right.

Harry makes his way to his bedroom and strips his work attire off before settling into the disheveled bed without a care in the world. Exhausted from the virus, he quickly falls asleep after laying his head on the pillow. His cat Pixie cuddled into his side. However, his slumber is short-lived as he's gently awakened, being asked to sit up and take the tablets that will hopefully help his sick tummy and headache. Along with the crackers you promised minutes prior.

He sits up and takes the pills with a glass of water but hesitates on the crackers. "Don't wanna." Harry whines again.

A smile escapes you as you observe his deeply furrowed brow. If you didn't know any better, you would assume Harry was a child, considering his current demeanor. Nevertheless, you don't hold it against him because you can be just as whiny when you're under the weather. Additionally, you empathize with the fear of being forced to eat something while suffering from an upset stomach. The fear of being sick again. "I understand Harry, but just try taking a small bite. That's all I'm asking for. Then I'll let you rest"

Reluctantly, Harry brings the cracker up to his mouth and takes a small bite, chewing it slowly before pushing the rest of the cracker aside. You take it from him and place it on his nightstand, in case he wants some later. Then you place his glass of water beside his bed, ready for when he becomes thirsty again. "Thank you. Now, rest. I'll be in the living room, finishing up the work I was doing before I came to get you. If you need me, call for me, okay. I'll hear you."

Laying down with the covers up to his chin, Harry mummers a quiet, "Okay." and you lean down to place a gentle kiss on his warm forehead.

--------------------------

Harry gets about an hour of rest before he awakens to his tummy swirling again. He lays there, trying to breath his nausea away, but to his luck, he only feels more and more sick as the minutes pass. So he finally makes the decision to get up and go to the bathroom. From your spot on the sofa, you hear footsteps on the creaky wood floor and then see Harry emerge from his bedroom and go inside the bathroom in the hallway.

You wait a few seconds, thinking he may have just needed to use the toilet, when you're suddenly startled by the sounds of dry heaving. Concerned, you decide to go check on your boyfriend. Approaching the bathroom door, you cringe at the sounds of Harry being sick. You have always found it difficult to be around someone who is vomiting or hearing those sounds, but you're determined to be there for Harry. With a deep breath, you turn the doorknob and cautiously enter the bathroom.

The scene in front of you is truly heartbreaking. Although you haven't known Harry for very long, less than a year in fact, during the time you've spent with him, you've never seen him in such a weak and vulnerable state. You long for the return of your cheerful and smiling boyfriend, not the sickly one with clammy skin, likely from a cold sweat. "Oh, Harry," you murmur softly as you approach the cabinet to retrieve a cloth to soothe his sweaty skin.

Taking a deep breath over the toilet bowl, he replies, "M' alright, m' alright."

Now with the cool, damp cloth in your hand, you kneel down on the hard floor and gently blot the rag on his pale skin. Being thoughtful, Harry reaches up to flush the toilet so you don't get exposed to the disgusting sight of his puke. "Do you feel better now?"

Harry shakes his head no before speaking with a raspy voice, due to him having gotten sick several times today, "Not really. Still feel sick to m' stomach. You can leave if you want. You don't have to be in here and watch me get sick. M' sure the sight is very unpleasant."

"Harry, I'm not leaving you, okay. I'm gonna be in here and take care of you. You took care of me a while back when I was throwing up from my period cramps. Told me not to be embarrassed because we all get sick from time to time. So now we're even."

Harry, too sick to reply, fixates his gaze on the toilet as you gently glide the wet cloth across his skin. Despite his desire to express how good that cloth feels, the rising bile in his throat hinders him. He straightens his posture, positioning his head over the toilet. Once his mouth begins to water, he realizes his impending fate. A loud retching sound escapes his throat, followed by the expulsion of whatever little remains in his stomach. In order to shield yourself from the sight of him vomiting, you instinctively turn away, fearing the potential of falling ill yourself.

Thankfully, Harry's hair is held back by one of the small black clips you'd left on the bathroom counter, so that's one less thing he has to worry about. After throwing up this time, you can hear him making further attempts to bring up more, but unfortunately, he's unsuccessful. Probably because he's already been sick multiple times today and his stomach is now completely empty of food.

After finally calming down, he agrees when you suggest, "Why don't we get you back in bed and I'll bring you more medicine? Sitting in front of the toilet seems to be making you feel worse." You assist Harry in standing up and hold his hand as you guide him towards his bedroom. Although he would have liked to brush his teeth, he's sadly too exhausted to even lift the toothbrush to his mouth

He gets settled back in bed and you hurry and grab the medicine to help soothe his nausea. Within minutes, you're back at his side, handing him the pills and his glass of water. He swallows the medicine slowly and begins to relax. As you're about to leave, Harry stops you. "Y/n...... could you, um, can you come cuddle me, please. Know you were workin' but um, I'd really like a cuddle." How can you say no to that.

Turning around, you smile gently and say, "Of course. Let me go switch my laptop off. I'll be right back." You go back to the living room and close your laptop, then return to Harry's bedroom. You climb into bed beside him, being careful not to disturb Pixie who has moved to the foot of her dad's bed, and scoot over to cuddle with your boyfriend of a day.

Harry shifts his position, resting his head on your chest, and starts apologizing. "M' sorry. This is not the way I envisioned today goin'. After the incredible day we had yesterday and us becomin' official, I had hoped for today to go the same. Planned to fulfill my promise of fuckin' you in at least one of the places I promised I would." Despite the fact that his words would have sounded amusing under different circumstances, his illness causes him to speak in a casual tone, unintentionally adding a touch of humor.

Running your fingers through his sweaty hair, you mutter, "Harry, don't apologize for being sick. You can't control if you get sick or not. And don't worry about that. Once you're sickness leaves, we'll have plenty of time to work on those promises, alright. Now get some rest and later I'll make you some soup. Wake me up if you feel sick again."

More than anything, Harry wants to reply with an agreement followed by the three words, 'I love you', but can't. Not yet. Not until he knows you're ready to hear that. So instead, he nods his head slightly against your chest and shuts his eyes, praying the medicine you gave him works and he doesn't get sick anymore today.

--------------------------

At seven that night, you awoke from your slumber. Sitting up in bed, you stretched and observed your boyfriend still in a deep sleep. He seemed less pale, indicating a positive change, although he remained slightly sweaty. Quietly, you got out of bed and made your way to the kitchen to start working on the soup you had promised Harry earlier, hoping he would have an appetite by now.

Upon completing the homemade chicken noodle soup, you carefully carried a bowl to Harry's room and helped him sit up to have his meal. You fed him, aware that his hands might be a bit shaky, and he is in complete awe of the kindness you have shown him today. He ponders, had you not made your relationship official yesterday, would you still be just as caring towards him. Of course, you would.

By this point in the day, his stomach had thankfully settled and he had even developed a slight craving for your scrumptious soup. After he had finished eating, you aided Harry in taking a bath. You prepared a warm bath and added bubbles to create an extra soothing atmosphere. Initially, your plan was to kneel on the bathmat beside the tub and assist him from there, but he insisted that you join him. Without hesitation, you joined him in the bath.

This signifies the first time you and Harry are sharing a bath, without any sexual implications. Inside the tub, you allowed Harry to lean back onto your body, gently caressing his tummy beneath the water. He expresses his satisfaction with a pleasurable moan and nearly dozes off against you. As the water temperature decreases, you begin to thoroughly wash his hair and body.

Breaking the quietness of the room, Harry whispers, "Thank you so much, Y/n. Like really, thank you. What you've done for me today means so much to me. More than you even understand." You stop the sponge along his skin when you realize he's actually getting emotional.

"Baby," you coo softly from behind him, "you don't have to thank me. I want to care for you. Did all your previous partners not want to care for you when you were sick?"

With tears welling up in his eyes, he proceeds to explain, "To be honest, not really. There was this one incident during my college years when I had caught a terrible cold. My girlfriend at the time expressed her reluctance to getting sick, so she never bothered to visit me in my dorm even once. Also didn't bother to call and check up on me. Then, about four years ago, I went on a date with my boyfriend at the time, Mark, to a restaurant. Unfortunately, I ended up with food poisoning and instead of offering any assistance, he simply drove me home and told me he would see me once I recovered. Hence, I don't expect a partner to do what you have done for me. It feels so nice to have someone take care of you when you're unwell that's not your own mother"

--------------------------

After the bath where you had some deep and vulnerable conversations, you assisted Harry out of the tub. After drying both yourself and him off with a towel, you helped him change into a fresh pair of briefs. You then directed him to lay down in your bed, as his sheets needed to be replaced due to them being soiled with sweat and germs from his stomach bug.

Turning off all the lights, you proceeded to your room, where Harry was lying down with Pixie nestled on his chest, enjoying the gentle strokes he gave her behind her ear as she purred contentedly. The bond he shares with his cat is truly adorable. He loves that cat more than anything, even you. Though you guess that's understandable since he's had that cat way longer than he's even known you for.

You take hold of the tv remote and select a movie on Netflix to watch until both of you nearly drift off to sleep once more. Harry is optimistic and hopeful that he will feel better tomorrow. He doesn't think he'll be able to return to work just yet, but is relieved that the nausea has subsided. Thankfully, the soup you prepared has stayed down, indicating a positive sign.

As your eyes grow heavy with fatigue, threatening to succumb to sleep, you feel Harry nestling himself closer to your side, followed by a hushed declaration of "Love you." In spite of your stillness, your eyes widen in surprise. Shifting your head slightly, you observe that Harry has already slipped into sleep, seemingly oblivious to his inadvertent admission.

Regardless of his true intentions, you are certain that this wasn't how he intended to convey his love for you. Now, you must find a way to approach this subject with him, hoping he doesn't get embarrassed or worse, deny the authenticity of his words.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @allthelovehes // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe140  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore97 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran

 // @luv-flor7777  // @alohastyles-x // @tenaciousperfectionunknown  // @sleutherclaw // @siredtohybrid // @whoscamila // @a-strange-familiar  // @golden-elodie // @mrspeacem1nusone //  @goldenkhae // @lntwithhrry  // @shadowygladiatorlight  // @manifestrry  //@mendesblurb // @sunshinemoonsposts  // @depersonalizationsucks // @academiaghost // @zendayassimp // @reveriehs // @vsnnstuff // @dancinsunflowerkiwi // @quinnsgrapejuice // @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite // @justlemmeholdyou // @hsonlyangelxo // @luvonstyles // @howdey

______________

My Masterlist Masterpost

"Do you love me?" {part. 10}

[dickarchivist]

Lullaby of the Wolffe

Wolffe × GN!Reader

Word Count: 1087

Playlist: Lullaby of the Wolffe

Rating: PG Fluff, but as always Minors DNI 🔞

Contents and Warnings: Insomnia, growing panic due to Insomnia, service animal (charhound), intrusive thoughts, swear words, soft Wolffe, potentially OOC Wolffe, fluff, hurt/comfort, soft sleepy singing

Summary: plagued by anxiety, you can't sleep. Despite your best efforts, Wolffe wakes up beside you. Instead of being angry, he offers you a Lullaby to try and help calm you down.

Author's Notes: The other night I had really bad panic Insomnia and I wanted a comfort fic tailored to my bullshit. I decided it would be a good idea to make a playlist of songs I felt like Wolffe would sing to me in a soft baritone while rubbing my back and trying to soothe me out of my panic. Now that I've made it through the night, I'm writing the fic to go with the playlist. Please enjoy both! I hope you get some rest.

Taglist: @anxiouspineapple99 @wolffegirlsunite @wizardofrozz @eclec-tech @dystopicjumpsuit @clonethirstingisreal @wings-and-beskar @multi-fan-dom-madness @starrylothcat @n0vqni @sev-on-kamino @mythical-illustrator @523rdrebel @littlemissmanga @atomickidsoul @moonwreckd

You can't sleep.

You went for a run. You hit the gym. You walked your charhound. You read a whole book, from start to finish. Cooked meals for the whole week, cleaned the house top to bottom, The laundry was even folded.

You can't sleep.

It wasn't for lack of trying. You'd lay in your bed, but as soon as you'd turned off the distractions, you were alone, and everything else came rushing in to attack you.

"You left the stove on. No. Not the stove, the oven. What's that smell? Are you burning the house down!?" You jump out of bed, run to the kitchen, and there's nothing wrong. The place is just how you left it. That burning smell was the crisp charcoal smell of your service charhound, Soot. You mentally kick yourself, how could you be so stupid? You know that smell, you've known it since she was a pup...

Back in bed. Okay, you think, okay this time will be it. This time you'll sleep.

"You forgot to feed Soot. Useless stupid owner how could you do that to your own baby?" But Soot is asleep at your bedside, her belly warm with her meal. You lay back down. You try to sleep.

You. Can't. Sleep.

Tears well in your eyes and you scream. You're so tired. You can't believe how exhausted you are and yet not a single moment of rest finds you. Soot gets up and puts herself in your arms to keep you from getting distructive. Her higher temperature keeps you warm, but all you feel is cold. You don't sleep a moment all night.

You feel sick, you're sluggish all the next day, because of course. You couldn't sleep. It's been 52 hours. The first day you could hide it, the second it started to show, but today... today you're with the wolfpack. If Plo Koon doesn't bring it to anyone's attention first, you know that Wolffe won't let it slide when he sees you. You've never wanted to stay away from the steely eyed commander more than today.

"You look like hell." Wolffe actually takes his helmet off to get a look at you, and it makes your stomach hurt when you see the concern on his face.

You sigh, roll your eyes, "Thanks. Go away." and turn away from Wolffe, trying to focus on your own work.

"No." His voice is hard, and you want to lash out, but when he grabs your wrist and turns you around, all your anger dissolves at his orders, "Tell me what's going on. Now."

Tears welling in the corners of your eyes, you try to blink them away, try to act tough, but you break under his gaze. "I can't sleep!"

You sob, hard. Wolffe jumps when you rush forward to close the gap, pressing your face against his chestplate, arms clinging around him, and openly sobbing. He hesitates, but eventually puts his arms around you, rubbing your back. It's so comforting, but it only serves to make you cry harder. It makes you realize just how touch starved you've been...

"Alright Cyar'ika, why can't you sleep?" You didn't know his voice could be so soft...

"I d-dont- dont know!" When you pull back, he holds your cheek, rubbing away tears. You close your eyes, and try to breath a little more evenly, "I h-have Insomnia, a-and it's been a few days since-"

"Days?!" Wolffe barks, now holding your face in both hands, "Kriff- you're coming with me."

He grabs your wrist, hauling you through the hallways of the ship. He opens a door to reveal a vacant sleeping quarters, and your stomach drops. "N-no, Wolffe, you don't get it... nothing is going to help, and especially not without Soot here, I won't be able to fall asleep. It's hard enough with Soot, but alone, I can't-"

"Shut up." You do, looking away bashfully, until the door closes behind the two of you, at which point Wolffe starts to take off his armor, "Get in the bed."

You blush wildly, covering your eyes, "Wolffe I'm sleep deprived, not- not sex deprived, I'm really sorry if I misled you but- s-stop laughing!"

"Cyar'ika, we are not having sex. Just getting my armor off so I'm comfortable too. Get in the damn bed, you'll see." Wolffe takes your hands from your eyes and leads you over to a bunk.

He helps you down, takes off your boots, and guides you to lay down. Your face is still hot when he gets into the bed with you, and he earns a squeak from you when he handles you into a cradled position. Your head rests on a pillow between yourself and his arm, comfortable for both of you. His other arms curls around you and you feel his hand rubbing soothingly up and down your back.

"I could use a rest, and you definitely need one. Get some sleep... that's an order." He chuckles at the last part, and for a moment, you think this might actually work.

Unfortunately, as soothing as it is, Wolffe's presence did nothing to stop the panic Insomnia. As soon as it's quiet, your mind starts racing. Thoughts of guilt, of shame, thoughts that this is all pity, that he didn't want you because you're undesirable, that-

"Cyare, quit squirming. What's going through that head of yours?"

"E-everything..." damn it. You didn't even notice your movements, but they'd been enough to wake Wolffe, "Once it's quiet, I can't sleep... can't stop the thoughts..."

There's a long, painfully quiet moment where you think you've said something wrong, until you hear Wolffe take a very deep breath. He kisses your forehead, whisping on your skin, "If you tell anyone about this I swear..."

It starts as a hum, a familiar tune rumbling in his chest. Eventually it builds, and he's whispering the song to you. You pull away a little, looking at Wolffe in awe, "Are you... singing me to sleep?"

"If it works." He kisses your forehead, encourages you to get comfortable again, and then picks up his song again once you're secured to his chest.

You don't even notice when you fall asleep. And you don't know how long you slept, but it was peaceful. Restful. You don't even remember the dreams you had, if you had then at all.

"Hey there Cyar'ika, sleep well?" Waking up in his arms, that's what really felt like a dream.

"Thanks to you, I did."

[callsign-muffin]

Heal Together: Chapter 7 (Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw fic)

Hi Friends! I have another chapter here! I hope y'all like it!

Again, every single like, comment, and reblog of my writing means soooo much to me. Thank you so much to all of you for even reading my stuff! It means the world!

Masterlist + Playlist

Content warning: death, discussion of dying and grief

Word Count: 2.2k+

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive… You sang in your head as you gave chest compressions with all your strength. You felt the unmistakable sensation of your patient’s ribs cracking under your weight. Though it took less than a minute for your coworkers to arrive to assist you in the code, it felt like a lifetime. The other nurses worked around you like a well oiled machine, applying the defibrillator pads and starting rescue breaths. Every muscle in your body was burning as you continued pushing on this man’s chest.

“Tap out, Y/N. I have the next round.” Carly said from behind you.

During the pause for two breaths, Carly jumped into your place with ease and took over seamlessly.

The code team arrived shortly thereafter, you quickly gave the rundown of the situation to the physicians. They went to work quickly intubating, ordering meds to be pushed, and watching the flat line of asystole. Despite everyone’s best efforts, after 20 minutes of pushing medications, ventilating, and chest compressions… there was no heart rhythm to be shocked.

“Time of death: 4:26.” Kara, a young resident said flatly.

Everyone ceased their assigned activities and took a big deep breath then slowly dispersed from the room.

You spoke softly through the lump in your throat, “Carly, can you open the window to your left?”

You stayed later than you should have, not leaving the unit until 8:30AM. You had to debrief the code with the team, do post mortem care, and make sure the docs filled out a hell of a lot of paperwork. Carly stayed with you after handing off her patient to the day team, cutting the time in half. You two finished out your shift by taking the body down to the morgue… what a way to end your work day.

“Why did you ask me to open a window when they called it?” She asked, finally breaking a long stretch of silence as you walked to the parking garage.

“It’s something I do after a patient expires. I had a preceptor tell me that it’s a way of allowing the patient’s spirit to pass on to a better place.” You explained quietly, “It’s just become a part of my nursing practice. If there’s no window in the room, I make sure the door remains open for a little while.”

Carly sighed, “That’s really lovely, Y/N… you did right by him. Even though his family should’ve signed the DNR when given the opportunity… it’s just wrong that we had to do that to him.”

You nodded, “I think family members don’t realize just how violent resuscitation is. If they knew, they’d never have let his life end like that.”

“What are you doing when you get home?” She asked.

You stopped at your car, “Cry the whole way home, take a shower, and go to sleep.”

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

Y/N never answered Rooster’s good morning text. He assumed it was busy at the hospital and that he’d see an answer when he finally got a chance to check his phone at lunch, however, there was radio silence. Weird. Luckily, he checked his instagram and saw he’d received a DM from Carly.

Carly_Pope: Hey Bradley, I wanted to let you know that Y/N had a really tough shift last night. Her patient ended up dying this morning and she seems pretty torn up about it. I just wanted to let you know so that you can check in on her if you want. I know you care about her a lot.

Rooster’s heart sank. It’s no wonder Y/N hadn’t answered his text, he was the least of her concerns at the moment. He remembered her telling him how hard it was on her to take care of patients who never get better; how it was burning her out. It was evident when she was his nurse that Y/N cared so deeply about her patients. He knew she must have been absolutely crushed. He answered Carly’s DM, thanking her for the info and then quickly texted Y/N.

Bradley: Hey Y/N, a little bird (Carly) told me you had a really tough shift last night. I hope you’re getting some decent rest and taking care of yourself. If you want, I can come over after work with some food and give you some company after I get off at 5. We can talk about it or not at all, whatever you want. 

He knew Y/N was probably still sleeping, this was her last night of three in a row. He didn’t expect an answer right away; she must have been exhausted. A couple hours later, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Y/N <3: I like pizza. 

A few hours later, Bradley pulled up to her apartment with two pizzas in hand. One pepperoni and one cheese, just in case Y/N was a secret vegetarian or hated pepperoni. After a soft knock on her door, the door swung open and she B-lined straight into his arms, almost making him drop the pizzas. He quickly shuffled them into the apartment, placed the boxes down, and then fully embraced her with both arms.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N…” he kissed the crown of her head and whispered softly.

Her face was buried in his chest, he could feel her tears saturate his cotton shirt. But she still remained quiet, no sobbing or shaking. Just silent tears.

“He should’ve been able to die in peace,” she sniffled, “not with me slamming my entire body weight into his chest. He was 93, he deserved peace.”

Bradley gently stroked your hair, “It must have been so awful.”

She looked up at him, resting her on his chest, “We tried to tell the family he was never going to get better. We told them the kind thing to do was to let him die comfortably and peacefully. But they refused to sign the paperwork, they were convinced we could save him… We couldn’t save him. Keeping him alive felt cruel… But my hands were tied.”

Bradley gently wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs, “I can’t imagine, Sweetheart.”

“I’m just so tired, Bradley.” She whispered, “I’m so tired of watching people suffer… and sometimes even causing them to suffer.”

“Look at me,” he cradled her cheeks in his hands, “You do not cause suffering. You alleviate suffering. I can say that with 100% certainty because I’ve experienced your care. You stopped my suffering and made me want to get well.” 

A soft whimper escaped Y/N’s lips, which then turned into sobs. 

“When was the last time you ate something?” He asked, walking you to your living room couch.

“Around… midnight.” She sniveled through her sobs.

Bradley placed his hands on your shoulders, guiding you to sit down on the couch, “I’m going to get you some pizza and you’re gonna sit your pretty little butt here and eat.”

You opened your mouth to argue but he cut you off.

“That wasn’t a suggestion,” he said, “I’m taking care of you now.”

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

You laid across your couch with your head in Bradley’s lap, he played with your hair gently as the TV hummed quietly in the background.

“I’m sorry for breaking down like that.” You whispered quietly.

Bradley shook his head, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Sweetheart. Your grief and frustration were completely justified… There’s nothing worse than watching someone suffer.”

“Especially when they don’t have to.” You added, “I think families don’t realize how keeping someone that sick and fragile alive does more harm than good… it’s a disservice to them.”

Bradley’s eyes got glassy, filling with tears, “You’re right.”

You sat up from his lap so you could look at him straight on, “Your mom was sick, wasn’t she?”

He nodded, “Pancreatic cancer, basically a death sentence. But she put up a good fight until she couldn’t anymore, until it was hurting her more than it helped.”

“Was she able to go peacefully?” You asked.

“Yeah…” his voice cracked, “She was on hospice at my aunt’s house in Virginia Beach. She asked us to take her out to see the ocean one last time and we did, even though it was cold as balls in November. We took her wheelchair to the shoreline and she got her feet wet one last time… then a couple hours later, as the sun was setting, she passed in bed with me, my aunt and the nurse by her side. The family grew very close to her, my mom’s nurse, Heather. She still sends me Christmas cards.”

You placed your hand on Bradley’s shoulder softly, “I’m so sorry you lost her. But I’m glad your mother got the peace she deserved and you made it happen for her.”

“C’mere sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his lap, “You always know just what to say.”

With your thumb, you gently wiped his tears from his cheek, “Now, I’m not sure about that… I’m just calling it like I see it.”

He sighed and took a moment to look at you, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Are you sure about that?” You looked down at your outfit of a ratty t-shirt and gym shorts and gestured towards the messy top-knot on your head.

He smiled so widely, the corners of his eyes crinkled, “Just calling it like I see it.”

You and Bradley passed out on the couch around one in the morning. Still slightly nocturnal from 3 night shifts in a row, you woke up around five before the sun started to rise. You turned to look at Bradley as he slept peacefully beside you, his usually bright and animated face was completely relaxed. It took everything in you don’t to run your fingers gently along the scars on his beautiful face, you desperately wanted to know how they got there. You desperately wanted to know everything about him, honestly. Still nestled into his side, you grabbed your phone to see missed texts from your mom, best friend from college, and your group chat with Carly, Madi, and Sam. You pulled up your email to see a subject line, Request for Interview. Holy shit. Sharp Hospital for Women and Newborns wanted to interview you for your dream job?! You had to read it multiple times to believe it. You bit your lip to stay silent so that Bradley could continue to snooze beside you; it took everything in you not to gasp out loud. With all the excitement running through your veins, you were unfortunately unable to go back to sleep, despite your best efforts. You slipped off the couch slowly, so as to not disturb the sleeping man beside you and found some quiet chores to do around your apartment. You couldn’t help but smile so hard your cheeks hurt as you folded laundry quietly on the living room floor.

You didn’t realize it, but you were humming along to the music in your headphones as you cleaned up the kitchen. It was dirty not only from the night before, but from the string of night shifts before that. Bradley initially woke up to the sun beaming across his face from your living room window but once he heard your quiet humming, he didn’t want to fight it and go back to sleep. He sat up slowly, watching you as you danced around the kitchen with your back to him, swinging your hips and wiping down the counter. He needed to get his hands on you, now. You were pulled out of your own little world when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist, making you let out a startled squeal.

“What’s got you dancing around like that, Sweetheart?” His mustache tickled your neck with every word he spoke.

You took out one of your headphones, “Queen Dolly Parton.”

“You love that country music.” He rolled his eyes.

You turned around to face him, confused, “I’ve never listened to country music with you.”

Bradley chuckled, “You don’t remember the day we met? In the hospital? When I had that damn tube down my throat and you were bathing me, you were playing Kenny Chesney.”

“Was I?” You asked, shocked that he remembered.”

He nodded, “I couldn’t even open my eyes because of the sedatives, but I just remember hearing the music and thinking to myself ‘Who the fuck listens to Kenny Chesney anymore?’”

You gasped and swatted him playfully, “Hey! When the Sun Goes Down is a classic! Don’t be a hater!”

“You and Hangman have more in common than I thought with your yeehaw music.” He rolled his eyes.

You broke free from his arms and grabbed your phone, “That’s it! Dolly’s going on the speaker. You’re gonna learn today, Bradshaw!”

The intro to Islands In the Stream started playing and a smile spread across Bradley’s face.

“I know this song,” He said, “My mom and dad used to dance to this…”

You took his hands in yours, “Well let's make like your folks and dance.”

“You are something else, Y/N.” He whispered in your ear, pulling you closer, and swaying to the music. 

You softly sang the lyrics in his ear as the two of you danced in the morning sunlight without a care in the world.

Tag list:

@sarah-bear706318

@dizzybee03

@that-gay-person-27

@alwayshave-faith

@caitsymichelle13

@thespillingvoid

@shanimallina87

[moodymelanist]

Might Let It Down For You

happy day 2 of @cassianappreciationweek everyone! i wasn't going to post anything today, but then i saw the most GORGEOUS fanart of cassian pulling his hair back and well... i didn't have a choice i fear. hope y'all enjoy!

Summary: It was supposed to be an ordinary evening workout, but then the hot guy from 3B just had to make things interesting.

Word Count: 1,810

Read on AO3 here!

✵✵✵✵✵ Nesta

Nesta released a deep breath as she made her way inside her building’s gym, more than ready to work out the stress of the day until her limbs were pleasantly sore. It was one of the reasons why she’d picked this building in the first place – not having to go back out into the world for a good workout after she came home from a long day at work was more than ideal. She usually came late enough in the evening that hardly any people were around, and she silently counted her blessings that the gym was empty tonight.

At least, that was her expectation. Nesta was about ten minutes into her workout when the door opened and someone entered the gym, though her irritation quickly faded into something entirely different when she realized it was the hot guy from apartment 3B. 

Nesta had seen Cassian around the building plenty of times, from running into him when picking up packages at the front desk to occasionally being in the same elevator as him. Logically, she knew he had to work out – she wasn’t blind, he had arms the size of tree trunks for crying out loud – but she’d always assumed he went to one of those fancy gyms instead of using the one in their building. Never in a million years did she think he used the same machines and dumbbells that she did, just at a much higher weight. 

Now that Cassian was here, Nesta was going to have to actively keep herself from drooling. He always looked good, but he looked especially delicious tonight in his tight, black shirt and cropped shorts that showed off his muscular thighs. It was going to be a struggle trying to get through her workout with him being the only other person in the gym with her, but she was no quitter. She would get through this workout come hell or high water.

Cassian gave her a quick wave before putting down his water bottle and setting up his music, and other than that, as long as Nesta stayed focused on what she was doing, it would all be fine.

At least, it was supposed to be.

Everything was going smoothly until Nesta started her final series of lunges, her fifteen-pound kettlebell held securely in her hands as she alternated sides. She was perfectly positioned in front of the mirror to watch as Cassian sat at the hip abduction machine behind and to her left, and although it should’ve been illegal to spread his legs like that in public, she managed to mostly keep it together as he worked through his reps. 

Cassian’s hair had been down for his workout thus far, but apparently enough was enough. He took off his headphones and began gathering his hair into a ponytail, and Nesta couldn’t help but stand still to watch him pull his beautiful, gorgeous curls into a ponytail. She couldn’t take her eyes off the way his biceps flexed as he wrapped a hair tie three times around, her mind wandering to what it would feel like to have those large, very capable hands wrapped around her instead—

“Motherfucker!” Nesta yelled as she dropped the kettlebell, a pained gasp escaping her despite her best efforts as it landed right on her foot. She yanked her own headphones off her head and stared down at her foot in shock, not really believing she’d be distracted enough to drop a weight on her own goddamn foot over a man, but clearly stranger things had happened. “Ow, ow, ow!”

“Oh, shit,” Cassian said. The next thing she knew, he was standing in front of her, those beautiful, hazel eyes filled with concern at what had to be one of the most mortifying moments of her life. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“Just peachy,” she ground out, her right foot throbbing where she’d dropped her weight. “And don’t call me that.”

“Did you drop that on your foot?” he asked while pointing at the kettlebell. Without waiting for her reply, he reached down and gingerly moved the weight from where it was still resting against her sneaker, wincing as she hissed in pain. “You mind if I take a look at it? I’m a paramedic.”

“Of course you are,” she muttered. Of course the hottest guy in her building just had to be taking care of others; he couldn’t be some kind of douchebag that would actually deserve her ire. “Just my fucking luck.”

“What was that?” he replied, still unfailingly polite and kind.

“Nothing,” she hissed. “You just – with your hair, and your muscles, and of fucking course you’re a paramedic, because you just have to walk around helping people on top of being hot!”

Cassian had been frowning slightly, but that frown quickly disappeared in favor of a smile that only grew larger the longer Nesta’s tirade went on. “You think I’m hot?”

“That’s what you’re focusing on?” Nesta answered, incredulous. 

“Well, yeah,” he told her with that stupid grin still on his face. “Definitely the most important part of that sentence, if you ask me.”

“I thought,” she began through gritted teeth, “that you came over to help with my foot.”

“Two things can be true at once, Nes,” he said with a chuckle. He got to his knees and although the sight would’ve normally sent her brain into overdrive, her foot was hurting too much to really appreciate exactly what she was looking at. “Can I take off your shoe?”

“Yes, just – ow, Cassian!” she snapped as he quickly removed her shoe and sock. Her toe was pretty red, but thankfully it hadn’t gotten to the black and blue phase just yet. “I thought you were a professional!”

“It was going to hurt either way,” he replied apologetically. He was gentle as he examined her foot, rolling it one way and then the other before moving on to investigating where she’d dropped the weight on her toes. Thank God she believed in regular pedicures. “I was just trying to be quick about it.”

After a few moments of silence, Nesta couldn’t take the waiting anymore. “Well?”

“Good news, you probably won’t need to go to the ER,” Cassian said, gently releasing her foot before standing up to his full height. “Or to urgent care, assuming it doesn’t get worse.”

“Okay,” she said back. She swayed just a little from trying not to put any weight on her injured foot and he was there immediately, offering up his arm so she could lean against him. Even with her foot throbbing, she couldn’t ignore how warm he was or how good he smelled even after working out. “What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Rest, for sure,” he answered, still in what she was thinking of as paramedic mode. “You should try to keep weight off your foot for at least the next few days.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” she asked dryly. “I have to walk back to my apartment, for starters.”

“I’ll carry you,” he offered casually. 

“You’ll carry me,” she repeated, not quite sure if he was joking. 

Cassian just looked down at himself and back up, smirking. “What? You think I can’t do it?”

“It’s not about that,” Nesta spluttered, much to Cassian’s obvious amusement. She’d thought plenty about what he could and couldn’t do, but he didn’t need to hear about any of that. “I’m not a child.”

“Neither am I,” he replied with a chuckle. “If I want to spend my time helping a gorgeous woman get home safely, what’s wrong with that?”

“I—” she began, stopping short when she realized exactly what he’d said. She willed herself not to blush, but knew it was in vain by the way his eyes dropped to her cheeks and his smirk only grew wider. “I’m pretty far from the elevator.”

“That won’t be a problem,” he told her, shrugging with the shoulder that she wasn’t leaning against. “I don’t tap out.”

Jesus Christ, he was going to kill her. “Fine. Just be quick about it.”

Cassian grinned, making quick work of gathering both of their things before scooping Nesta into his arms like she weighed nothing at all. The gym wasn’t too far from the elevator, but her apartment was all the way at the end of the hallway on the fourth floor, so she got to finally enjoy the feeling of his big, strong arms wrapped around her until they made it to her apartment.

“Home sweet home,” Cassian said, gently lowering her down to the ground in front of apartment 4J. “Remember, rest and ice that foot.”

“Yes, Dad,” Nesta said back sarcastically. She pressed her fob to the door and let him help her inside with considerably less pain than if she’d done it alone, and leaned against the kitchen island to support herself instead of Cassian’s large arms. “Anything else, Mr. Paramedic?”

“Just your number,” he fired back without missing a beat.

“And why would you need that?” she responded, cocking an eyebrow. 

She had every intention of giving it to him, of course. She just liked making him work for it.

“How else am I supposed to follow up?” Cassian asked cheekily, leaning back against her kitchen counter with a smirk. 

“Who said you need to do that?” Nesta answered with a roll of her eyes.

“It’s my fault you even hurt yourself,” he replied, “so I think I’ve earned the right.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said flatly. Judging by the chuckle he released, he saw right through her, but she wasn’t going to give up that easily. “Why are you laughing?”

“You think I didn’t see you staring at me the entire time we were in the gym?” he said back, pinning her to the spot with those beautiful eyes of his.

“You must have been seeing things,” she denied immediately. It had been embarrassing enough dropping her weight in the first place, but the fact that he’d noticed – she wouldn’t admit that unless under extreme duress, and especially not to him. 

“Yeah, like you dropping your kettlebell the second I put my hair into a ponytail,” he retorted with a knowing grin. 

“You’ve never heard of a coincidence before? What are they teaching you in paramedic school these days, anyway?”

“How to use our skills for the greater good.”

“You count this as the greater good? I’m flattered.”

“Coming to a beautiful woman’s aid? I’d think so.”

Nesta just rolled her eyes again, but she held out her hand for his phone anyway. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart,” Cassian said, his fingers already flying as he sent her a text. He winked at her before adding, “And if you need any help elevating that foot, you know who to call.”

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @fieldofdaisiies | @goddess-aelin | @c-e-d-dreamer | @talkfantasytome | @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk | @sv0430 | @talibunny30 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @champanheandluxxury | @lilah-asteria | @burningsnowleopard | @sayosdreams | @readskk | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @bellaful08 | @readergalaxy | @podemechamardek | @pearlfortears | @nerdperson524 | @jmoonjones | @kale-theteaqueen | @autumnbabylon | @hiimheresworld | @illyrianshadowhunter | @dustjacketmusings | @live-the-fangirl-life | @that-little-red-head | @sweet-pea1 | @brieq | @queercontrarian | @jsmelodies | @afflicted-with-wanderlust

[theamityelf]

I also would like to hear about Makoto also being kidnapped because if dr1 is anything to go off of he would be put into a bunch of dangerous situations for the sake of finding clues or taking down the mastermind and come back alive.

Also the prospect of Kokichi lashing out because he thinks he's lost the one person who believed in him and Makoto wanting SO BADLY to comfort him or make him understand but can't during this situation. Then later when he gets kidnapped when there is time, Makoto tries to make him understand that he has NEVER stopped believing in Kokichi he just thinks he crossed a line but he NEVER EVER hated him. Despite all of Kokichi's efforts Makoto has never hated him and I would like to know if he breaks down (from relief or grief that he doesn't think he deserves that kindness surprise me) or if it's just a small but meaningful consolation while he dies (because Makoto would never just LET Kokichi die no matter how much he did) that someone cared. It makes me go FERAL.

Please.

Absolutely! I'm right there with you, lol.

Okay, I can imagine it going down a few ways.

First of all, I can imagine Makoto starts asking too many questions when Kokichi says he's the mastermind, to the point that Kokichi realizes Makoto will undermine his "big reveal" if left unchecked, so he goes ahead and grabs him when he grabs Kaito, to make sure the group's reasons for questioning him are pulled out of play.

Alternatively, I can imagine that the whole "everything Kokichi does to mess with someone else ends up affecting Makoto by accident" thing that gets repeatedly set up earlier in the AU comes into play again here, in that Kokichi truly meant to only grab Kaito, but the Exisal accidentally grabbed Makoto, too, and rather than look like he made a mistake and isn't fully in control of these things, he plays it off like he meant to do that and takes Makoto with him.

Either way, Kaito is locked in the bathroom by himself and I imagine Makoto being kept elsewhere. If I'm being self-indulgent (which I am 😁) Makoto is kept in the big main area with Kokichi, to facilitate all that conversation and hurt/comfort.

(The bathroom has a window, and it's fine for Kaito to talk to people outside, since Kaito is buying into the idea of Kokichi as the enemy, but Makoto can't be allowed to talk to anyone and spread his belief that Kokichi is lying.)

And at that point, it becomes such an "I'm not trapped in here with you; you're trapped in here with me!" situation. Sorry, Kokichi; you can't run from him now. He's here, he believes in who you demonstrated yourself to be in your best moments, and he wants to have a genuine conversation with you. Makoto is using all the information he's gathered over the course of the killing game to contradict Kokichi being the mastermind, and Kokichi is doing his best to demoralize him as a last ditch effort to not have to deal with him. Maybe invoking Gonta as a kind of, "Do you want to be the next fool who believes in me until it's too late?" But Makoto's resolve doesn't shake.

Kokichi's smug mask falls and it devolves into a shouting match where Kokichi is pulling out every low blow he can and insisting that he's an evil supreme leader (Panic Talk Action, anyone?) and in the end Makoto just says, "No...that's wrong." And the last facade shatters.

I want Kokichi crying into Makoto's shoulder, wailing, "I really liked Gonta! And I really liked Miu!"

And then, because he can't help himself, once he's done crying, he sits up with a brittle smile, like, "Wow, did you really fall for that again?" (It's so ineffective, because he literally just went through the full process of sobbing to shuddering to sniffling to just breathing, and it was very gradual and peaceful, and then he just sits up like "lol jk".)

And Makoto replies, "Yeah. I did."

"Stupidhead. Obviously I was lying. You're so naive, it's a wonder you've made it this long. Maybe I'll put you out of your misery."

OR, if I'm being suuuuper self-indulgent, maybe Makoto actually gets hurt in the accidental Exisal grab and Kokichi can't do any of the posturing because as soon as they're locked in the hangar and the Exisal lets them go, they realize that Makoto is bleeding profusely and he and Kaito have to rush to give him emergency first aid. They're bickering the whole time.

Kaito's blaming Kokichi and Kokichi is blaming Makoto, like, "Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding, idiot?!"

Kaito's like, "Why would he?! You said you never cared about any of us!"

And yet Kokichi is so serious about making sure Makoto's okay, it occurs to Kaito that maybe that was a lie, too.

[starguardianniom]

Adrien and Marinette screwing each other's character development

That's literally what happened in season 5.

5 seasons of Adrien trying his best to break free of his dad's abuse and control only for Marinette to honors Gabriel's wish and make him believe he was a hero and a good parent, despite having front seat at his abuse, on top of fighting him, and Gabriel made the both of time cry. So now Adrien will forever think his father was a good man, when he was not. He will like his abuser, when the last episode showing them together has Adrien showing nothing but hatred toward his father for thinking he knew better for him when he was just doing what he wanted Adrien to do and not what Adrien wanted himself.

We spent 5 seasons watching Marinette trying and failing to confess to Adrien, only for him to confess to her instead which rendered kind of all her efforts pointless, on top of not having to learn the many lessons that she should have, like regarding his private life, or start seeing him as a person and not a perfect angel who can't do no wrong. They even had some jokes at her behavior, behavior that they later learned was because she had a traumatic experience which made her decide that the next poor sod that would catch her attention would not be permitted to have a private life whatsoever, just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning, something she keeps doing repeatedly during the series. She just gets her boyfriend and never has to change her behavior, and he doesn't get to maybe get mad or creeped out at all the stuff she did for him while she could barely speak to him, let alone struggle to stay close less she ran away out of being scared to ask him out. So her toxic behavior also doesn't get to be toned down. Biggest example is after learning that Gabriel is Monarch, she goes to speak to him because she wants Adrien back, not to stop Monarch once in for all. She has to when he finds her in his house and she can't hide much longer.

The main difference, Marinette has been aware since forever that Gabriel was pretty controlling with Adrien and got depressed over it several times since it meant she couldn't hang out with him. And she still sided with his abuser because she didn't want Adrien to deal with the backlash of knowing his father was the local terrorist of the city. A guy she spent 5 season fighting, and spent the last episode of season 5 beating up because he prefered to go with his crazy scheme instead of respecting his wife's last wish. And she decides to respect Gabriel's last wish instead of being honest with Adrien and the rest of the city, which I'm sorry to say, is beyond horrible of her. People deserves the truth, so does Adrien, stop coodling him like his father tried, he doesn't need it.

Meanwhile Adrien just learned in the last season that she had a crush on him. And saw her doing some pretty weird stuff, but never truly saw the real depths as to how far Marinette was willing to go to get his love. He didn't see her bully Kagami, he didn't see her lie and manipulate her parents to make her follow him to Shangai and abandoning her uncle on his birthday just to go stalk him, among other stuff. So he isn't aware of the worst of Marinette, and half of it he thinks she's just weird because to him that's how she's always been, weird and quirky but still charming and cute somehow.

I kind of just realised that while reading other posts about those subjects and just saw that they both ruined each other's development, Adrien unintentionally and Marinette, intentionally.

EDIT: chocolatevoidpizza made me realize I was victim blaming Marinette for the cruel prank she went through in Derision via the line "just because she made an error of judgement and didn't listen to her friend's warning".

That is unfair on Marinette and I apologize for writing that and take it back.

I however won't delete it cause I need the reminder to not have a repeat of that and I need the lesson.

So thank you chocolatevoidpizza for opening my eyes and knocking sense back into me.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Her Reign

a/n: Hello, my Fabulous Readers! Would you like to take a trip down Memory Lane with me? Boy, do I have a treat for y'all...

When I was just starting to write my fanfics 8 - 9 years ago, before I fell into major Writer's Block, and went on my forced Hiatus, I wrote this fic for a good friend. Because back then, she drew Steve fanart for me, and I wrote Loki fics for her.

Fast forward to this year, I'm looking through my old notes in my notes apps, low and behold I find a handful of fic ideas and half-written, unfinished fics. And honestly, young me literally had the best fic ideas 😆 I realize that they're basically my very own Vaults! They couldn't have came on a better time, when I want to connect to my younger self, and remember what it was like, when life wasn't as complicated.

Ofcourse, it's not completely the original story, present me needed to polish the rough patches in the story, because specific timeline when this was written, was roughly somewhere before Endgame after Infinity War...😅 And I also need to make sure, it's semi-accurate to the current MCU, for my own sake.

But still, I hope y'all will enjoy reading this one, all the same.

Loki Odinson x Y/n Y/L/N's Daughter, Lucy Laufeyson

Requested: No

WARNINGS: Loki's Death(seriously doesn't need to be a question😆), Abusive, cliché Evil Step-parent, Allusion to the abuse Y/n goes through, Lucy imagining and enacting revenge(and justice) on Evil Step-Parent, Lucy goes ape-shit, Loki would be proud. Story goes way dark(not GOT Dark, but still, pretty dark). Written by me, when I was still fairly new to writing, so sorry for the errors present Me isn't able to fix.

DNI Divider by @firefly-graphics

Enjoy!

Loki looking at Lucy from Valhalla...

It was a typical day for the Avengers in the Avenger Compound. Agents of every kind, rushed here and there, to finish their duties. In one of the lower floors underground, lived the Avengers. Each had their own apartment. But they liked to spend time together, in the common room. And today was no exception.

The room was full of chaos. From the sounds of a certain Captain's daughter crying, because she fell down while attempting to walk, with her doting mother and older brother trying to calm her down, to Peter Parker, Bruce Banner and Dr. Stephen Strange devising a way to make their tactical suits more durable, and more accommodating to the various shapes and sizes each individual, human, alien or super, has.

Lucy Laufeyson is among the chaotic bunch. Born and raised together with James Anthony Rogers, making her pretty much used to everything that happens around here, around her considered-extended family. She'd been living with the Avengers and her Uncle Thor Odinson, in an effort to avoid her Step-Father, Grey Wallace. Well, specifically to avoid hurting, said man.

From the moment her grandmother, from her mother, Y/n Y/L/N's side, had told her that she was to have a Step-Father, she knew that it would take a lot of strength and maturity. For she knew Gray wasn't a good man. He abused her mother and basically, forced her to have his child. Luckily, Lucy could never hate her younger Brother, Greyson. She hated his sperm donor.

Before Loki died, he had written a note to every member of his family. For Thor, Y/n, and especially Lucy. The one for her, specified that he wanted Thor to take his family to New Asgard, where he hoped to be laid to rest.

Once his request was fulfilled, she decided to take her father's name and use it to make a legacy of her own in her new home. Despite this, it didn't stop her from imagining enacting her revenge on Grey. She hated everything he did to her mother, and today is living proof of that.

"Hey James. Nice shield." Lucy smirked, it looks uncannily like her Father's.

"Oh, Lucy... Hi... I-I-I was just borrowing this from Dad." James answered, turning pinker by the minute.

"Calm down, Rogers. I was just teasing." Lucy said, playfully boxing his arm.

"Besides, I'm not here as often as I used to. Just for old times sake."

"Sometimes I wonder how we've been friends, since birth." James sighed.

"Come on... you know you love me, Cap Jr." Lucy smirked again, living for the reaction she gets, from her dear sweet James.

"Excuse me, Ms. Laufeyson, but Ms. Alexa is here." Tony's AI, JAKASTA, said.

"Thanks, JAKASTA." Lucy replied.

"See you later, Rogers." She added, patting the side of his pink face on her way out.

Lucy walked from the training room, through endless hallways, with Agents working and training, as well as the scientist conducting tests and experiments, of all kinds, to the elevator, that will take her down to the Lobby. Her heart leapt with excitement. She always loved seeing her Mother, and her younger Brother, whenever they came for a visit. Preferably without her infamous Step-Father, who in her opinion, descended straight from Hell.

A few minutes later, she arrived at the Lobby, where she knew the people her Family, would be waiting. She pushed open the only door, separating her from the Lobby, and saw her mother for the first time in months. Beautiful but bruised and slightly battered. Loki would hate Grey.

"Mom!" Lucy called.

"Hello Lucy." Y/n replied, looking up from talking to Y/O/N Rogers, her best friend since before meeting the loves of their lives.

Lucy walked a little faster and went to give her mother a gentle but firm hug.

"What am I? A chameleon? Where's my hug?!" Lucy's younger brother, Greyson, asked/exclaimed.

"Hello to you, too, Baby Brother." Lucy smirked, going in to hug her sibling.

"It's always a gem, to see you both together like this!" Alexa cried, tears forming in her eyes.

"We really need to catch up." Greyson said with a smile, taking Lucy's hand.

Sometime later, the family sat in a restaurant downtown, enjoying the food and coffee, while catching up and sharing stories with one another.

"And he just ran and ran and BOOM! Homerun!" Alexa finished, with pride in her eyes as she looked at her son.

"It was nothing, really. Honest." Greyson said, blushing at the attention.

"Changing the subject, how are you and your so-called 'childhood bestfriend, not potential lover', Dear Sister." Greyson teased.

"I told you the last time, Greyson. We're just friends. Nothing more. Nothing less." Lucy replied, as a matter of factly.

"Now, why don't I believe that?" Greyson muttered, under his breath.

"Shut up." Lucy replied, with a playful shove towards him.

"It's so nice to see you both getting along." Alexa said, wistful.

"I would be happier if that lousy excuse of a Step-Father is six feet under and never ever coming back." Lucy commented, scooping up some of her food into her mouth.

"Lucy-" Alexa started, wiping her eyes, before opening her arms towards her daughter.

"I mean it, Mom. He's hurt you enough." Lucy replied.

"Dad wouldn't want this for you..." She added, taking her Mother's hand, and rolling up the sleeve a little to reveal the marks hidden underneath.

"Sorry, Mom. But I agree with Lucy. If he hadn't hurt you, and continued to hurt you, things might've been different." Greyson replied, as Y/n pulled her hand away, and pulled her sleeves down, even further than before.

"I know three days ago wasn't the best wedding anniversary..." She started to explain.

"WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO THIS TIME?!" Lucy exclaimed, her anger boiling up to the surface.

"It's nothing, Lucy." Alexa sighed.

"It isn't just nothing, Mom! It's always something." Lucy raised her voice. Her eyes being drawn to the sleeve that her Mother, so desperately, was using to try to hide the marks from her, earlier.

"This is the last straw! He's been doing this ever since you married him. It needs to stop." Lucy announced, with finality and determination.

"Lucy, no. It's fine. I'm used to it." Alexa replied, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

"I told you, Mom. He's hurt you enough." Lucy repeated, before standing up.

"I've had enough." She growled, before walking away with purpose and determination, with Y/n's and Greyson's voices calling behind her. Falling on deaf ears.

Grey Wallace was walking from his office building to his car. It had been a long day, and he was looking forward to having a beer when he got home. He was practically skipping down the road, until he felt like someone was watching him, from the shadows. Shrugging it off as paranoia, he continued walking.

He finally arrived at his car, ready to unlock it when he was forcefully, pushed against his car. His arms painfully pinned against his back.

"Who are you? What do you want? If you want my money, take it. I-It's yours." Grey said in a panic, words coming out in quick succession.

"I don't want, nor do I need your money." The figure, behind him, replied.

"Then, w-what do you want?" Grey asked again, shaking to the bone.

"I want justice for my Mother." The figure replied, a sinister smile slowly beginning to form on her face.

"I-I don't even know y-your Mother." Grey cried, before being turned around, and pinned to the side of his car.

"Oh, don't act coy, now... You know my Mother... In fact you know her very well, that you've taken to hurting her for about 5 years, now. Isn't that right, Step-Father?" The figure said, her face coming into the light.

"Lu-Lucy..." Grey gasped, not believing his eyes.

"That's right. And I have come to make sure you'll never lay another hand on my Mother, ever again." Lucy said, before turning into her Jotun form and punching her Step-Father.

Grey's world turned black.

His eyes burst open, and he quickly looked around in a panic. Remembering the terrifying sight of his Step-Daughter, before she knocked him unconscious. He sighed in relief, when he found that he's all alone in his Hospital Room.

"Think you're safe, Step-Father?" Lucy said, appearing out of nowhere.

"Lucy... Lucy... Whatever I've done to you and Y/n, I'm sorry." Grey pleaded.

"You think that's enough?! You think that sorry will take away all you've done to her?! To the both of us?!" Lucy exclaimed, her bright green eyes turning red.

"You're lucky, I only left you with a concussion, and a punctured lung. I would have killed you on the spot, had I not made myself promise Mom not to hurt you too badly." She added.

"Lucy, please I beg you..." Grey begged.

"Oh, now you're begging me." Lucy cackled.

"Like how Mom begged you to let her go, every single hellish night..." She continued, her features slowly changing.

"Lucy, you need help. Y-you don't look well. Y-you're blue!" Grey exclaimed.

"Oh, don't pretend like you care. You never did." Lucy snapped.

"Why are you turning blue?!" Grey shrieked, panicked, his monitor blaring at his increasing heartrate.

"Let me answer your question with this question: Have you ever wondered why we never told you about my birth Father? Why no one ever spoke of him?" Lucy said, lightly caressing the tube that re-inflated his lung.

"Well, the answer is quite simple actually. I'm the daughter of Loki of Asgard." Lucy said, turning full Jotun, and staring right into Grey's eyes.

"Y-You-You're the daughter of Loki Laufeyson, the one who invaded the planet?" Grey asked, trying to scurry away but couldn't. bound to the bed by the very tubes and wires that are helping him.

"Yes. So, if I were you... I'd be glad, that I spared your life. I may seem all sweet and innocent, but trust me when I say this..." Lucy added, slightly squeezing the tube. Blocking it from keeping his lung inflated.

Grey started to feel a tightness in his chest. Unable to catch his breath, from fear, and distress.

"I'm so much worse than my Father. So much worse." Lucy growled. Releasing her grip on the tube.

Allowing Grey to finally able to relax and breathe better and regularly, now.

"You're just lucky I made a promise to my Mother. Had I not, I would have done so much worse." Lucy added, getting up and leaving.

"Leave my Mother alone, or a collapsed lung and concussion won't be the most excruciating thing you'll ever experience." Lucy said, turning back to look at him.

"I give you my word, Step-Father." She added, turning into back her human form, her eyes glowing red for a second before going back to green.

Grey shook with fear, causing Lucy to smirk. And with that, she turned and left.

Lucy walked through the hospital doors and out, before opening a portal in the middle of the driveway and walking through it. Taking her home to New Asgard.

When she stepped out of the portal, her red leather jacket, stripped sleeveless blouse, leggings and boots, instantly turned into a long, green, mermaid style dress with a shimmering light green cape, connected in the back.

Her raven black hair curled, pulled back, half up, half down, and a complicated gold head piece with it. She walked to the kingdom, where everyone who saw her, bowed respectfully.

She made her way into the Palace, where her Keeper eagerly greeted her at the entrance. For a man, who was about 1,000 years old, give or take, he definitely could keep up with Lucy's long strides.

"Your Ladyship! The King has gone to Wakanda on business, but there are some matters of great importance to attend to." The man explained, pointing to the long list of matters, needing her immediate attention.

"I shall deal with all the problems one by one. I want to make sure everything is dealt with, accordingly." Lucy announced, taking a seat on the throne.

"Lady Loki, the people are waiting for you." The court announcer told her.

"Send them in." She answered, as the guards allowed the people to come inside. Which little by little, she solved all of them. Loki's Daughter, Y/n and Greyson's fiercest protector, Asgard's warrior, and Valkyrie's Right Hand, Lady Lucy.

a/n: I hope you all enjoyed it! Despite the errors, and the dark stuff... Maybe this'll lead me to upload other, more worthy fics in the Future.

We'll see.

Until next time!

❤ Booky

Taglist: @nescavaneck @jiyascepter @royalwriteroftheuniverse @femefetalelevelingup

[adzeisval]

Recovery

Another Febuwhump done! Also on AO3.

Jim watched Izzy breathing steadily as though if they looked away Izzy would stop. Jim was a little mad that Izzy had pushed himself to the breaking point but that was very much who Izzy was. And at least this time there was a chance that he would make it. Jim very much didn’t want to have to watch Izzy die again. 

They were almost back at the Inn and Ed had left Izzy’s side for a little rest. The whole crew had to remind him that they were also there for Izzy and that Ed didn’t need to make himself sick by watching Izzy. 

While the bleeding had stopped rather quickly and Roach’s stitching awas as good as ever the wound was still getting infected and Izzy was starting to burn with fever. 

He would wake every so often, eyes glassy and not really there, and when he did Jim got him to drink, it was what he needed more than anything.

Roach came in and Jim didn’t like the look on his face. 

“Fever’s getting worse,” Roach said. 

“Is there anything else we can do?” Jim asked. 

“Just get him to drink, I’ll add medicine to the water. Cool cloths. The usual. Nothing else we can do really.” 

Jim nodded, “You have to pull through Izzy, you have to.” 

*****

Ed carried Izzy as gently as he could into the best room in the Inn. It was the one with the best linens and the view of the ocean and the best breeze in the afternoon. It was also the room with the most comfortable armchair; Ed knew he would be spending many a night there making sure Izzy was alright. 

The whole crew was willing to come take shifts and Ed reluctantly let them take small shifts so he could sleep, or try to sleep at least. 

Ed helped Roach raid the kitchen for the best things they could give Izzy, they had plenty of fruit they could juice and Roach made a bone broth that would give Izzy strength. 

When Ed would leave Izzy’s side Stede was there for him and let him cry or rage or whatever he needed to do. 

“We’re all here for you Izzy, every one of us is helping and wants you to stay. Please Izzy, stay.” 

Ed knew they were doing absolutely everything they could to help Izzy but in the end it could still go either way.

*****

Izzy felt adrift. Like he was being pulled between several different places. He felt the tie to his old world going away, but it was leaving him quickly, like bleeding and he didn’t know if he would survive it. 

It felt a bit like he was drowning, like the ocean was claiming him. 

It didn’t feel bad, being pulled away and he thought it might be nice to rest for a while. A bit of him though realized that resting for a while would mean resting forever, would mean death. 

He had wondered if he was fated to die, it seemed like all the other versions of himself didn’t make it far past the age he was and it would be so easy just to rest. 

He could hear Ed though, hear him coaxing him to stay.

Izzy did want to stay, he wasn’t done yet, he wanted to try out this new life he had stumbled into. With and Ed that was still alive and better yet happy, with a crew that was his family. It was a far different world than the one he had known and he didn’t want to leave it yet. 

So he fought against being pulled under. He fought giving into death. He had a choice and he would try to stay. 

The world went in and out of focus and Izzy didn’t know how much time was passing. He would wake just a little, enough time for whoever was there to get him to drink a little or give him medicine before he went back under. 

The haziness turned into a burning sort of heat. Fever. Infection. His body hadn’t even fully recovered from losing his leg and he knew that despite all his best efforts he might have to go anyway. 

The haziness and burning went back and forth like a tide and Izzy just had to lay there and let it happen. 

Izzy didn’t really dream during the whole thing but after some time he found himself in some sort of strange dream like state. He was in a dinghy on the ocean and another dinghy was approaching. 

There was an Izzy in that dinghy as well. This Izzy didn’t have a leg either and had a scar on his forehead. The Izzy that lived and died in the world Izzy was currently in. 

Izzy was worried, “Am I dying? Or do I have to leave this world?” He even considered that this Izzy could possess him and go back to the world. 

“You’re close enough to death to be here, but if you continue to fight you can go back,” Spirit Izzy said. 

“And I don’t have to go back to my own world?” 

“No. The doorway is closed.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to take your place,” Izzy said. He wasn’t sure what his other self wanted. 

“I know. I’m glad you can be there for him, I’m not here to cuss you out. I’m here in case you feel you can’t go back and want to pass over,” Spirit Izzy said. 

“No, I’m not ready. We’re not destined to die? A lot of us seem to go around now,” Izzy said. 

“No destiny, no. Mostly has to do with being a pirate and the dissolution of Blackbeard is often fatal for us, and for Ed. Well if you’re not coming with me I’ll go, just be good to them.” 

Clarity hit him all at once, he realized for the first time in a long time that he felt like he was waking up like normal. He woke and there was a sharpness to the world that had been missing for a while. Everything seemed clear and normal. He was still weak, he still hurt, but his mind was clear. 

He was at the Inn, he realized, there was no motion of the sea beneath him and he was in a large bed covered in soft blankets. So they’d had enough time to get him to the Inn so it had been at least a few days but he suspected it had been longer. 

A soft snore caught his attention and he saw Ed slumped in a nearby chair covered in a blanket of his own. He looked worn and tired and Izzy thought he’d probably been there most of the time. 

“Eddie?” 

Ed jerked awake and blinked at him before gasping and smiling, “You’re awake!” 

“I am,” Izzy said. 

“Fuck, that was too fucking close,” Ed said. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked Izzy over. Izzy was sure he still looked like shit and he didn’t feel his best but it was probably better than it had been. 

“I’ll get Roach to come look at you, what do you need?” 

“Thirsty, hungry,” he said. He also wanted to get out of bed but thought it was probably too soon for that, “And how long was I out?” 

“Two weeks Iz, it was close.” 

Roach was pleased with the progress and Ed helped him sit up in bed and had a fancy tray table for him to eat from. 

“I brought you a little of everything,” Ed said. 

Tea, soup, some fruit, some bread and butter and it all looked so good. He ate a little of everything though he couldn’t finish it all it tasted wonderful. 

“You up for some visitors?” 

“Izzy’s Revenge  is still moored here?” 

“They didn’t want to leave until they knew you were alright and of course once you’re healed they’d be glad to have you aboard.” 

“Might take a little bit to come back from this,” Izzy said. 

“You’re welcome here as long as you need it Iz.” 

Izzy nodded, “Let them know I’m awake.” 

It was a little overwhelming when they all came in at once and sat and stood around the bed. It almost made Izzy feel like crying. It was an odd thing that had happened to him and he still wasn’t quite sure he deserved it. 

This was home now, a home with family and friends who cared about him. A home with a future. 

It was likely going to be a bit odd for a while getting used to being here and enjoying being around this Ed while still remembering the loss of his. He was sure it was the same for Ed. But it would work out. 

Izzy had a good feeling about it all.

[blood-loving-leech]

Reasons why @/deadvxmp was a shitty boyfriend

He was my best friend from fall of 2021 until fall of 2022

Last october he tried to kill himself, when i freaked out and started crying my sister heard me and told my moms friend who was watching us that night who then tried to call emts like ANY PERSON WOULD WHEN A KID IS TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES

And so he said I was “making his attempt about me” yeah my bad for worrying about your fucking LIFE AND SURVIVAL DAMN he just wanted me to not feel any emotions abt his death ig

After that everything kinda went downhill with my then-girlfriend and I wasn’t sure about if I should break up with her since she was my only friend and everyone else was just friends by extension through her but he convinced me to break up with her knowing full well she was my only irl friend

In january, he ghosted me for a week and a half when I visited california, when I got back I tried to kms and he decided without talking to me that it was his fault and that i’d kms if he left which he is now using against me saying I explicitly threatened to kms if he left me and claiming that that was emotional manipulation on my part

At this point I think he was only friends with me because of that and he was supposed afraid of me, then in february he asked to call me his boyfriend?? which why would you ASK THAT if you don’t even like the person fuck you

After my attempt, my mother grew suspicious of the college student we were both friends with (for some reason, Misha seems to think I had something to do with it but I have no clue what her though process was) and effectively ended up getting them (college student) cut out of our lives, said student was regrettably Mishas fp and so when we found out it was my mom back in june he blamed me and spent months guilting me over it and making it very clear that it was “all my fault” for trying to kms in the first place until we broke up

sometime in the spring he literally taught me how to purge and yet he blames me for worsening his eating disorder despite me telling him not to abuse the laxatives when he first got them and trying to convince him to eat more and telling him i’d love him no matter what he looked like but SURE i’m the one who encouraged his ed because he thought i’d only like him if he was skinny even though i never said anything of the sort

he also blamed me for treating him like a child every time he misunderstood something and I tried to explain myself because he said it made him feel stupid and generally just told me to shut up every time i tried explaining myself

he never said he loved me first, undoubtedly because he never actually loved me, and he said he didn’t believe i loved him so i spent our entire relationship trying to prove my love to him until finally i realized he was putting in no effort to love me and i stopped trusting him (he broke up with me like literally one week after i said “i don’t believe you anymore”)

when i realized i had issues that were affecting our relationship i went to therapy for them and my therapist said “yeah you could work on some stuff but he also has to learn to trust you as his boyfriend” and i told him that and he said he could try and then like two days later said “yeah i lied actually im never going to trust you i just wanted you to think id try” like WTF

when he broke up with me he said it was to “take the strain off our friendship” since we’d been arguing almost all the time and i said he’d have to give me some time because DUH he was breaking up with me and that fucken hurt but then i literally had no other friends so i went back to him and said we could be friends and he told me basically to fuck off and take some time to figure stuff out while he talked to his friends about stuff and so two days later when he blocked me everywhere i asked what was going on and he was like “my friends all say you’re a shitty person and i prefer not talking to you so leave me alone and never talk to me again” and then blocked me some more

so in heartbroken confusion i wanted to figure out what he thought i did that was so shitty by waiting for him to post stuff abt it on his tumblr but then he started going off about how i was ableist and encouraged his eating disorder and physically abused him even though he lives in alaska and i live in washington and its literally closer to mexico than it is to him but yeah sure i totally did all that

so i got angry and did dumb things and went off on him and called him names i knew he hated and all sorts of shit to which he responded by telling all our mutual friends that i did all those things that i didn’t unless i have complete fucking amnesia so there goes the few sorta friends i still have and i still wanted to know what i supposedly did wrong and obviously i did more dumb shit that got out of hand and now he’s sending people to tell me to kms and people to threaten to kill me which i actually wish they would do but he chose to be mutuals with cowards who won’t actually hike butt over to gig harbor and stab me

are we both terrible people? maybe yes. i know i’ve made mistakes but he certainly isn’t innocent

i’ve done things wrong but the whole time we were dating i hand made him gifts and jewelry and sent him tea bags and told him i loved him multiple times every day and wrote him poems and drew fanart of his ocs and fawned over how cute/handsome he was and how good his sense of fashion was and encourage his career dreams and assure him i loved him and i planned to move with him to college and then canada and get shots to fix my cat allergies so we could have cats and i broke the rules and almost got kicked out of my favorite summer camp because he asked me to and he never said he loved me and the only compliment he could ever muster was “v snazzy” so i don’t think it’s much of a question of who loved who here

the difference is i only ever wanted to figure out my mistakes while he decided it was appropriate to send people to tell me to kms

[shinskichan]

synopsis: you've been waiting for sanzu to come home and wondered why he was giving you the cold treatment the last few days.

pairing: Bonten!Sanzu x Fem!Reader

notes: busy!sanzu, unintentional shout, hurt/comfort

word count: 3.8k+

I miss him

You sighed as you sat on the cold couch, feeling a sense of loneliness and sadness as you waited for your boyfriend, Sanzu, to come home. He had mentioned that he had some work to do, and despite living under the same roof, the two of you had been struggling to find time for each other lately. You had attempted to reach out to him through phone calls and texts, but he had not responded. As you watched a movie alone, you began to wonder if he was purposely giving you the cold shoulder. However, you tried to push those negative thoughts away and told yourself that he was just busy.

As the hours ticked by and the sun began to set, you found yourself growing increasingly concerned. Sanzu usually returns home before evening, but tonight was different. Despite feeling anxious, you decided to put your energy into something positive and headed to the kitchen to prepare something special for dinner. You missed him dearly and wanted to show your affection through your cooking, which you made extra special just for him.

You smiled at the thought, hoping that he would love what you had prepared for him. You carefully selected the ingredients and put all of your efforts into cooking a dish bursting with flavor. You even went the extra mile to set the table with a beautiful arrangement and light some candles to add to the romantic atmosphere.

As you awaited his arrival, you attempted to call him to let him know that dinner was ready, but to no avail. You sighed as you took a glance at the delicious meal you had prepared.You didn't want to think negative thoughts, so instead you tried to stay positive and believe that he would come back soon because he's never late. You decided to wait for him to share the meal together, so you just went to the couch and spent the night watching several movies. As the hours passed and it got later and later, you started to feel worried that something might have happened to him. Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone vibrated, and you quickly grabbed it to check the message. It was from him, saying, "I'm going home late, you should get some rest." Reading this, you quickly frowned and replied, "No, I'll wait for you." After sending the text, you waited for a few minutes, but there was no response. Feeling frustrated, you plopped back down on the couch and muttered to yourself, "Whatever, I'll just wait for him to come home. Who knows, maybe he won't even come back." You didn't even realize that you had fallen asleep on the couch.

Moments later, you jerked out of bed and realized that you had dozed off. You took a quick glance at the clock and noticed that it was already past 2 in the morning. “I see, he's not home yet,” you bitterly said, and suddenly, your stomach made a loud growling noise, reminding you that you had skipped dinner and were now feeling hungry. Feeling consumed with sadness, you slowly stood up from the couch, feeling the weight of your emotions as you made your way to the dining room. The setting that you set up earlier feels empty, but it was filled with the delicious aroma of the meal you had prepared earlier. As you looked at the food, you couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment and defeat. "The food is cold now," you commented to yourself in a tone that was tinged with sadness and regret. As you sat down at the table and stared at the empty chair across from you, you couldn't help but wonder if he would ever come home. Despite your best efforts to remain optimistic, it seemed like he just wasn't coming back. As you grabbed a plate and began to eat, you made a conscious effort to distract yourself from the sadness that still lingered within you."Stupid tears, why am I crying right now?" you asked yourself when you felt your tears rolling down your cheeks. You immediately wiped them off and continued eating, but your tears couldn't help but fall.

You ask yourself out loud, with confusion, "Why did he suddenly start acting cold?" His sudden actions are hurting you, and you can't help but overthink things. You ask yourself, "Did I do something wrong?" repeatedly, as if he could hear you. Your mind races trying to figure out what you could have done to make him act that way, but you can't seem to find any reasons at all. You try to convince yourself over and over again that maybe, just maybe, he is just busy with important things, but the other side of your mind can't help but think, "What if?" What if he is not doing anything related to work and is with someone else? It is right in front of you that he is giving you the cold treatment, but you don't want to accept the fact because you are hoping he's just busy. You try to distract your thoughts and convince yourself otherwise, but it is evident. Your thoughts continue to spiral, and after you finish eating, you immediately wash the dishes and return to the couch once again, lost in your thoughts.

Even so, you were determined to wait for him and talk to him. You couldn't let yourself sleep because you had a feeling that something was wrong. With a heavy heart, you turned off the TV and patiently waited for him to come home. As each second and minute passed, your tears fell like a river, bearing the pain of the cold treatment he gave you. You couldn't understand why he had to treat you like that. It was like you were walking on eggshells around him all the time, never sure what might set him off. You loved him, but sometimes it felt like you couldn't feel his love anymore.

After a few moments, you heard a car engine outside, and you sighed in relief. You glanced at the clock and realized it was already 4 in the morning—a time when even the night owls were fast asleep. "Really? Is he too busy to go home at 4?" you bitterly asked as you waited for him to come inside the house. Your mind raced with thoughts. When the door finally opened, it revealed your boyfriend, Sanzu. He saw you sitting on the couch but didn't bother to greet you. That indifference felt like a sharp stab to your heart, causing a deep ache that you tried to ignore. "You're back," you sarcastically said as you saw Sanzu walk through the door. He looked tired, and his eyes were bloodshot

"Where did you go?" you asked. "Don't say I didn't inform you,” he replied curtly, and he was about to walk to your bedroom when you stood up and grabbed his wrist.” I want to rest,” Sanzu said, seeming distant and uninterested. "Really? That's it? I've waited for you the whole night, Sanzu!" you exclaimed, feeling an outburst of emotions. He looked up to the ceiling before he responded, "It's your fault. I told you to rest, but you didn't listen," he said, his eyes piercing yours. "I'm going to bed," he said abruptly, heading towards the bedroom. You followed him, feeling hurt and confused. "Why are you acting like this?" you asked, hoping for a deeper explanation. "Acting like what?" he asked in a cold tone of voice.

"What's wrong? Why are you treating me this way?" you asked, your eyes welling up with tears. "Don't get me started, y/n. I'm just not in the mood," he replied, causing you to scoff. "But don't you care about me?" you pressed, hoping for some kind of explanation. But he remained silent. "I just wish you would tell me what's going on so I don't have to keep guessing. I can't understand why you're acting like this," you continued, the tears now streaming down your face. "It's been days since you started pushing me away. I've tried to reach out to you so many times, but you always have an excuse. I've tried to be patient and understanding, but it feels like you're slipping away from me," you explained, your voice shaking with emotion. "I feel like you don't even want to be around me anymore," you added, your heart breaking at the thought. Despite the overwhelming emotions you're showing, Sanzu remained distant and unresponsive. You tried to meet his gaze, but he looked away, leaving you feeling helpless and alone. "Can we please talk about this?" you whispered softly, desperate for some kind of connection with him. But still, he said nothing.

"I'm so tired, let's talk some other time," He said as he went to change his clothes. You felt so broken by his reaction. You had just finished explaining your side, and it felt like it wasn't enough. "Sanzu, please," you begged, but he wasn't responding. You felt helpless and alone. "Let's make it ou-" You were cut off when he suddenly raised his voice, startling you. "Enough!" he shouted. "I told you already, I'm not in the mood for this. I'm tired, can't you understand simple words?" His words stung like a knife, and you felt a deep ache in your chest. "Ever since our relationship started, I tried my best to understand you all over again," you said, your voice trembling with emotion. "I just want you to understand how I feel."

"Don't you understand that you're hurting me?" you mumbled, tears streaming down your face. You wished he could see how much his words and actions were affecting you. With that, he felt a pang of guilt in his chest, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He watched as you walked out of the room and slammed the door shut. You made your way to the other room that was once his, but he had decided to share the room with you.

You closed the door and locked it as you collapsed on the floor, feeling a deep sense of hurt and pain. It can be so difficult when all you want is to be understood, but no matter how hard you try to explain yourself, it seems like he was just not willing to listen or make an effort to understand you. So you cried, tears streaming down your face as you tried to process everything that had just happened. You cried so hard that eventually, you found yourself drifting off to sleep, exhausted from the emotions.

On the other side, Sanzu felt so stupid for letting those words slip into his mouth. He had been replaying the conversation over and over in his mind, and realized that he should have been more thoughtful and considerate of your feelings. He understood that his actions had consequences, and he wished he could take back what he said, but the damage has already been done. He couldn't help but feel guilty about how he treated you and the impact it had on you. As he lay down on the bed, he kept thinking about you. He knew that you wouldn't talk to him, that's why he didn't bother knocking on the door, and he also knew that you hadn't rested well. He sighed as he waited for the sun to rise.

 

NEXT MORNING

 

Sanzu had a restless night, unable to sleep soundly due to his constant thoughts of you. Despite only getting two hours of sleep, he couldn't resist the urge to check up on you. Quietly, he got out of bed and grabbed the spare keys to your room. Slowly opening the door, he saw you curled up in bed without a comforter and the air conditioning turned off. He couldn't bear to see you in such discomfort and quickly walked over to turn on the air conditioning. As he looked at you, a deep sense of guilt washed over him for what had happened earlier. Seeing tears still on your face, he gently wiped them away and adjusted your position. Knowing that you wouldn't wake up easily, he covered you with a warm comforter. Before leaving the room, he made sure to lock the door behind him, wanting to ensure your privacy.

He took a deep sigh as he walked towards the kitchen, feeling a sense of heaviness weighing down on him. But then he saw something on the dining table. It was the food that you had cooked with so much effort and love. Seeing it made him realize the times you had tried so hard to reach out to him, only for him to push you away. It struck him how much he had hurt you, and the guilt began to gnaw at him. With tears forming in his eyes, he quickly grabbed a spoon and started to eat every bit of the food. It was a large serving, but he ate all of it, hoping that somehow it would ease the pain he had caused you.

As he stood up to wash the dishes, he decided to cook breakfast, putting in extra effort to show you how much he cared. He understands that his actions have caused irreparable damage, but he is willing to do everything in his power to make it up to you. He doesn't really expect you to forgive him, but he will wholeheartedly accept the treatment he gets from you.

He took his time cooking and making the dish extra special. Although he wasn't very good at plating, he tried so hard that he even watched some tutorials just to be able to make it look presentable. After he finished cooking, he slightly smiled and hoped that you would at least give it a taste. He was hesitant to knock on the door, but he did anyway. He knocked several times, calling out gently, "Baby, come out. I made you breakfast." To his disappointment, there was no response. He waited for a few minutes, hoping that you would hear him and come out. But still, there was no response.

He let out a heavy sigh, his mind filled with worry and concern. As he stood outside the door, he heard a sudden thud, followed by a low grumble of pain. Without a second thought, he grabbed the spare key and quickly unlocked the door, fearing the worst. To his relief, he found you sitting on the floor, looking disheveled and disoriented. Rushing to your side, he asked what had happened, his face etched with concern. But you couldn't bear to look him in the eye, the memory of the earlier incident still fresh in your mind. He seemed to sense your discomfort and quickly averted his gaze, turning his back to you. As he made his way towards the door, he paused and spoke with a hint of regret in his voice. "I'm sorry about earlier, I know what I did was unforgivable, but please don't lock yourself here. I made you breakfast, it's up to you if you want to eat or not." With that, he left the room, his hand still trembling with nervousness as he caught his breath while his hands were on his chest as if he were so nervous.

You didn't know how to react, but the sincerity of the gesture had an impact on you. As you grappled with conflicting thoughts and emotions, you hesitantly opened the door, cautiously scanning the area for any signs of him. When he was nowhere in sight, you felt a twinge of disappointment, fearing that he had already given up on you and left without even attempting to reach out. However, when you stepped out of the door, his voice broke the silence. "So you decided to come out," he said with a sense of relief. You didn't reply, still processing everything that had happened. As your stomach grumbled with hunger, you made your way to the kitchen but decided to quench your hunger with a glass of water instead.

You saw something on the table, and your stomach growled. You tried to hide it, but he heard it. "You should eat," he said, but you glared at him. "I'm not hungry," you replied, but your stomach betrayed you with another growl. He sighed and said, "If you don't like the food I cooked, just tell me what you would like to eat. I'll order it for you." You remained silent. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be working?" you asked, changing the subject as you walked over to the couch. "I decided to stay," he replied, but you were not willing to give in just yet. "Baby, I'm sorry," he apologized, and you could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"I know, I know I shouldn't have treated you that way or talked to you that way. I know it's my fault," he began, his voice heavy with remorse. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I've been struggling a lot lately. My mind has been blank, and I haven't been able to feel much of anything. It's like I've been trapped inside my own thoughts, unable to escape." He looked at you, his eyes filled with pain. "There were so many things that were bothering me, and I know that's no excuse for how I treated you. But I just wanted to let you know what was happening with me." He moved closer, sitting down beside you. "It doesn't matter if you forgive me or not, I'm just always here. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for what I did," he said, his voice soft and sincere. You both sat in silence for a few moments, before you finally spoke up. "If you had just told me what was going on earlier, we could have avoided this whole argument," you said as you stood up.

He stood up as well, reached for your hand, and turned you around. You looked at him, giving him a "what?" look. "Can, can I hug you?" he asked sincerely, and longing was evident in him. You gently opened your arms, and he slowly went to you for an embrace. He wrapped you in his arms, resting his head on yours. "I've been longing for this, I'm so stupid for acting that way and making you feel pain," he said as you felt his grip tighten. You know you can't resist him, no matter what happens. "You don't have to say anything, hurry up and eat," he said as the hug loosened. You just went to the food he prepared and went to eat it. You felt happy that he made an effort to make the food, and you appreciated the thing he did for you.

He stood up from his seat as well and reached for your hand, gently turning you around to face him. You gave him a questioning look as he asked, "Can I hug you?" You sensed the sincerity and longing in his voice, so you opened your arms and allowed him to embrace you. As he rested his head on yours, you felt the warmth of his embrace and heard him say, "I've been longing for this. I'm so sorry for my past behavior that caused you pain." His grip tightened, and you felt the weight of his words. Despite everything that had happened, you found yourself unable to resist him. After a moment, he released you and said, "You don't have to say anything. Hurry up and eat." You noticed the food he had prepared and felt a sense of appreciation for the effort he had put in.

You wonder where the food you prepared went, even though you covered it. He seemed to notice it and approached you, saying, "If you're looking for the food, I ate it." Shocked, your eyes widened as you exclaimed, "What? That was a lot of food!" Despite your reaction, your partner chuckled and replied, "I know you made an effort for it, so I ate it all." You couldn't help but smile. "How was the food?" he asked, looking at you expectantly. "Good," you replied teasingly, causing him to ask, "Just good?" As you began to walk away, he suddenly pressed his lips to yours, giving you a soft and gentle kiss. "I beg to disagree, it tastes... delicious," he said with a smirk as your lips parted. The sensation of their kisses never failed to give you butterflies; it always felt like the first time. "It feels so good after a while," your partner commented, making your cheeks heat up even more. As you turned your back to him.

© shinskichan

[whataboutfractions]

i want to rehabilitate him like a sick animal i found dying in a gutter