#real ones love to see our girl being happy with someone who is proud of her and supporting her at any time

[itwaslegendary]

people: joe sucks he couldn’t even say a favorite taylor song in interviews 😡😡😡 if i were dating taylor swift i would not stop talking about her being my girlfriend!!! 🙄🙄🙄

also people: travis is so annoying always gushing about taylor we get it man she put you on the stage we are tired of hearing about it 😑😑😑

alright … so which one is it? is it okay for taylor’s boyfriend to talk about her in a loving way? or is he forbidden to talk about her at all?

[taasgirl]

monaco pt. 3 - charles leclerc

summary: y/n is new to ferrari and is working very closely with charles, so it's inevitable that they fall right?

a/n: the outcomes of these races are fictional!! they're altered to fit the story, and there's no specific face claim!

PART ONE PART TWO

liked by charlesleclerc, scuderiaferrari, landonorris, and 776, 387 others ynusername hey monaco! who's ready for some racing? tagged: charlesleclerc

alex_albon Meeee I'm ready

scuderiaferrari ❤️🤍

user53929 STOP STOP STOP THIS IS SO CUTE

user92838 goodluck y/n and charles!!

user39822 the matching outfits (i'm deceased)

user43773 Is that not just their team uniform lol

liked by alex_albon, ynusername, mclaren, and 3, 653, 223 others landonorris It's Friday thennnnn tagged: ynusername, charlesleclerc, danielricciardo

ynusername saturday sunday whaaat

user63392 Not Y/N and Charles with the matching Cars shirts 😏

user00231 bring lando and daniel back plssss

user53833 lando basically confirming y/n and charles

user93447 I'm so here for it tho

liked by f1, sergioramos, charlesleclerc, and 5, 553, 983 others scuderiaferrari Welcome to Monaco! @ charlesleclerc's home race, and @ ynusername's first race here! Our drivers will begin Qualifying shortly, Forza Ferrari!

user53948 as much as i want y/n to win again, please let charles win his home race 🙏🙏

ynusername 🏎️🏎️ liked by scuderiaferrari

user83744 Everyone is a ferrari fan fr

user99834 my favourite track oat, i'm so fucking ready

charlesleclerc 🇲🇨

liked by user76773, user87383, user99295, and 1, 654, 984 others scuderiaferrari We can confirm that driver Y/N L/N is in hospital, being treated for burns and injuries following a serious crash during the Monaco Qualifying. We are all here for you Y/N.

landonorris Praying for you 🧡🧡

redbullracing Speedy Recovery @ ynusername

user78473 please tell me she'll be alright for tomorrow

user65847 did you see the crash?? there's no way she's racing

user59584 SOMEONE CHECK UP ON CHARLES PLEASE

user64765 Oh my god y/n we're all here for you

liked by charlesleclerc, oscarpiastri, f1, and 2, 467, 998 others ynusername this girl is on fireeeeee.

Thank you all for your support, unfortunately I will not be racing tomorrow in monaco ☹️ but I'll be there to show all my support for @ charlesleclerc! I'm sorry to all the fans and people at Scuderia Ferrari for letting you down in such an important race for the Championship, but I promise to come back stronger. Thank you to all the marshalls and medical staff who basically saved my life lolz.

But hey at least that's a pretty sick photo right??

charlesleclerc 🔥🔥

user87488 not charles with the fire emojis 😭

logansargeant Get better comrade🫡

user69488 Y/N YOU HAVEN'T LET US DOWN WTFFFF WE'RE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU AND HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE liked by ynusername

user09492 no y/n in monaco 😞😞

user65933 ngl that second photo is fucking sick

user98374 How can you literally total your car and be on fire, and still looke so effortlessly beautiful???

user59838 she's built different fr

liked by user87487, user93748, user44475, and 154 others user03082 Y/N IS AT THE GP!!! she's not racing but she's walking around fine and serving c*nt.

user64839 she's so dedicated, love her

user02873 I feel like her and charles will confirm their relationship today 🤭

user78387 Hey so is it too late to get her in a ferrari orrrr

user87632 REAL

user93627 she was on fire a few hrs ago, and is still on fire fr

user64993 HAHAHA

view ynusername's story

liked by ynusername, scuderiaferrari, lukamodric, and 1, 263, 938 others f1 The Monaco Grand Prix has begun! 19 drivers and 10 teams are battling for Championship points. Who do you think will win?

ynusername me i hope

user87474 homegirl is so unserious

user47387 Pastry boyyy

user28173 I'm praying that Charles wins for y/n

user63974 is it too late to say y/n??

user98365 Why didn't ferrari use a reserve driver?

ynusername well i kinda destroyed the car, so like yes we have a reserve but no car

liked by user64893, user87432, user89384, and 46, 837 others user68394 CHARLES JUST WON THE FUCKING MONCAO GRAND PRIX AND RAN STRAIGHT TO Y/N TO KISS HER IN FRONT OF EVERYONE OMFG I'M GONNA BE SICK

user86349 this might actually be the hardest hard launch

user64838 OH MY GOD

user22839 HE WON AT HOME AND KISSED HIS GIRL!! WHAT A FAIRYTALE MOMENT

user98372 no one understands how much this means to me

user59383 what a photo wow

liked by ynusername, f1, williamsracing, and 4, 711, 363 others scuderiaferrari He's done it! Charles Leclerc wins his home race, leading the grid by almost nine seconds. Congratulations Charles!

ynusername my boyyyyy 🥰

user93648 MY BOY STOP Y'ALL ARE SO CUTE

user68843 he really did it for y/n

user99837 HE WINS IN SPA HE WINS IN MONZA HE WINS AT HOME

user54557 Ferrari comeback is crazy

user39828 they've finally made a good car

user47363 Don't be shy, post the photo of charles 'celebrating' with y/n 😏😊 liked by ynusername

liked by lewishamilton, landonorris, f1, and 2, 354, 984 others ynusername charlie wins again!! i'm sosososo proud of you but next time we're in monaco, that win is mine. also i have no photos of you on the podium because i was crying... i love you baby 💗

charlesleclerc Thank you Mon beau ❤️

user28384 MON BEAU I'M SO FUCKING UP

landonorris Awww ferrari friends 🖕🖕

user83748 'i love you baby' nopenope too much for me

user54983 Posting the wrong photo y/n smh

user92282 agreed, where's the kissing photo huh??

liked by ynusername, logansargeant, lilymhe, and 1, 589, 856 others charlesleclerc Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so proud to have won my first race of the season in my home country, and to have the support from Ferrari and my beautiful girlfriend. This win is for you mon amour @ ynusername

ynusername omg who's the lucky girl??

charlesleclerc I don't know, she forced me to kiss her 🤷

user26374 Charles didn't even post a photo of him on the podium, just him and the people he loves omg

user53636 such a lover boy

user83746 Charles World Champion Leclerc

user32567 these two are so in love

liked by logansargeant, lilymhe, charlesleclerc, and 1, 453, 784 others yn.jpg wyd when you find out that charles and I have been dating for more than a year? lol we're good at keeping secrets @ charlesleclerc

charlesleclerc My gorgeous girl, I love you so much

ynusername too kind perceval

landonorris I have a question, are you two together?

ynusername No sorry I don't know him actually

user55373 MORE THAN A YEAR WHAT WHAT WHAT??

user87364 wdym more than a year??? y'all knew each other before ferrari?

user63894 We need the relationship timeline immediately

charlesleclerc She stalked me and forced me to date her ynusername @ charelesleclerc liar he begged me to date him charlesleclerc @ ynusername Seems fair

user78939 oh my fucking god how did no one know about this

user29837 I won't ever stop thinking about this.

user98398 The most attractive couple of all time

user56793 I reckon the rest of the drivers get jealous when they see y/n and charles together like damn they really can spend ALL their time together

thank you for your support guys!! the monaco smau is officially done, please let me know if you liked this! my reqs are open (football and f1)

@samantha-chicago @arrowheadleadingushome13 @meadhbhcavanagh @ameliaalvarez06 @sheslikeacurse

[quirrrky]

—•✦ 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙉𝙀𝙓𝙏 𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐

KUROO, your business partner and bestfriend, had one birthday wish and that's for you to attend a party as his fiancee, his fake fiancee

3k+ f!reader, friends to lovers, fake dating

ꨄ︎ happy birthday to the male lead of my life! wishing you'd finally show up for real now lmao

“So Kuroo, you’re turning thirty this weekend, right?”  

“No, sir, just twenty-nine.” Kuroo gave a stiff and stony grin. Mr. Onitsuka, the CEO of the sportswear company he was trying to get as a sponsor, happened to be a rigid family man.

“Just twenty-nine...” There’s certainly some hint of disappointment with how it sounded from the older man.  

Kuroo gulped and bit the inside of his cheeks. This deal was his most important thus far. We’re dealing with one of Japan’s prestigious brands. He couldn’t let this opportunity pass, especially that he just recently got promoted as the Sports Ambassador for the Japan Volleyball Association. 

“Well, we can feature our players-” 

“You mean athletes.” Mr. Onitsuka corrected. 

Kuroo gulped and almost banged his head against the nearest wall. Of course, athletes! Not players.  

Not a “player” like...him.  

Who would’ve thought that his singleness was not a good credential for the strictly traditional man in front of him? Everyone who’d see the specimen of a man Kuroo was could tell that he had a high market value among the ladies, which screamed one thing. He must be a player! 

“Yes, that’s right. Athletes...”  

“Look, Kuroo, it’s clear that you had everything well-planned out.” Mr. Onitsuka closed the folder. “But I’m sure you can’t do all this by yourself...” 

“I know someone who could cover this partnership.” Kuroo beamed, excitedly. His face lit up like he had the most brilliant plan out of his pocket. “We’ve been together and conquered a lot by now. I would even bet my life to guarantee you that she is the best!” He pronounced, loud and proud. 

“I never heard about her before.” Mr. Onitsuka's expression changed into something a bit lighter. “So when did the both of you start together?” 

At last! He’s passing the test. Kuroo thought. 

“Oh, me and Y/N? We began working on a project about a year ago and we really hit it off so well. Our chemistry’s just...out of this world.” 

Kuroo’s phone rang with the Star Wars’ Imperial March, a ringtone you personally assigned for yourself. Mr. Onitsuka saw your name and said, signaling for Kuroo to answer the phone, “Your girlfriend.” 

In a slight panic, Kuroo almost juggled the phone in his hand. For a short while, he thought that he was now accepted by Mr. Onitsuka, however there seemed to be a misunderstanding. He wanted to clear it up, but he had to answer you first... 

“H-Hello...” Kuroo gulped. “How’s my girl?” He saw a tinge of disappointment on Mr. Onitsuka's face, and he got agitated, mindlessly spouting things off. “How’s my beautiful...” Of course, he couldn’t say girlfriend. “Bride...” Shit! That's too sudden, so he added. “...to-be.” Bride to-be? 

Oh crap. He ran his mouth without thinking. 

You laughed. “Wait...Are you drunk?” 

“Mhm hmmm...so drunk on you, only on you, babe.” Kuroo winked at Mr. Onitsuka, who was obviously enjoying the show he was putting on. 

“What have you gotten yourself again, Tetsu?” You cracked up and followed, “Hey...listen, I already reserved the bar for your birthday party. It’s all good now.” 

“You’re the best! Wait, love. Just hold on a sec, okay? I’m in the middle of a meeting, but I’ll be there in a heartbeat once this is done.” 

You scrunched your face, laughing. “What’s wrong with you? Are you being hit on by an old lady again?” 

Kuroo chuckled, genuinely. Oh...that smartmouth of yours... 

“Let’s talk about it in a few, alright? See you the soonest, sweetheart. Bye bye, love you.” He hung up and sighed apologetically at Mr. Onitsuka. “Sorry about that. My woman needs me.” 

“Then I suggest you go to her right away. You musn’t keep her waiting.” Mr. Onitsuka said, sounding more relieved to have found out that JVA Sports Ambassador Kuroo Tetsurou was a “committed” man. “If that’d be my wife, I’ll be having an earful by now.” The older man oddly broke his rigid exterior and laughed.  

“I’ll take that advice to heart,” Kuroo affirmed. 

“I’ll be sending the documents with my signature within the week.” Mr. Onitsuka extended his hand and Kuroo shook it. “It was nice meeting you, Kuroo. I’ll see you and your fiancee on your birthday party.” 

Kuroo chuckled, nervously. “Can’t wait, sir.” 

Now, he’s left with convincing you to be his future wife even just for a night.  

⋆ ˚ ꩜ ｡ ⋆୨୧˚

As the new sports ambassador for JVA, Kuroo now carries the image of the sport, well, including its athletes. As much as it’s great to recognize that Volleyball athletes were good-looking, values such as commitment must be reflected as well. Kuroo knew that.  

Though he admittedly had a past of dating around and exploring his options, it wasn’t the deal now. Kuroo wanted to commit but...he wanted to be slow and careful... 

Opening up the door to the restaurant, he immediately spotted you browsing on your phone. He didn’t miss the look of the man seated beside you on one of the bar stools. He sighed. Another one of those bastards... 

Approaching you, Kuroo wrapped an arm around your shoulders and planted a kiss on your forehead. “So, how’s the check-up? Is our little peanut okay? I’m sorry I missed it.” He said, making sure that the man heard.  

You subtly rolled your eyes and answered back, “He just kicked inside me now like he wanted to kick you instead.” 

Kuroo acted animatedly amused. “Sounds like his mother. That’s too early.” Taking the other seat beside you, he swiveled your chair so you’re facing him.  

“Last week you put a ring on me and now it’s a baby.” You snickered. “What’s next, Tetsu? Retirement plan?” 

“Come on. I’m just being the best bestfriend there is. Plus, you have saved my ass a million of times too.” 

Indeed, you didn’t know when it started but you and Kuroo played as each other’s fake partner whenever you’re both being hit on by strangers you didn’t like.  

“Yeah, remind me to pose as your lovesick wife next time.” You joked and Kuroo rubbed his chin. 

“Maybe at my birthday party?” He suggested. 

You took a sip of your juice. “Yeah, sure.” 

“No, seriously, though.” He took your hand and held it firmly. “Mr. Onitsuka...” 

“Oh, Family Guy...” 

“Exactly! I...” He’s now starting to take out his greatest weapon, his sad boy pout and unfortunate doe eyes. 

Oh. “How did you mess up this time?” 

His hold on your hand tightened. “I might’ve made it seem like we’re getting married.” 

That explained the cheesy lovey-dovey petnames a while ago. 

You were speechless. Kuroo’s not the one to lie. He’s always the straightforward guy, so... “How the hell did that...” 

“I don’t know. Man, he’s been grilling me with my life plan, my age and all, that I had a slip-up.” 

Well, you’ve done this countless times before, but his birthday party was a different thing. His friends and some colleagues will be there. You looked at your joined hands and then back at his troubled expression. 

“Y/N, just for my birthday, please...” Kuroo pleaded, “Be my lovesick wife even just for that day.” 

⋆ ˚ ꩜ ｡ ⋆୨୧˚ 

Kuroo leaned on his car as he marveled at you so breathtakingly beautiful in a red dress. Playfully, he whistled. “It might be hard for me to think this is all pretend when you’re doing some serious damage on me with that dress.” 

Equally, you admired how handsome he was in that black sweater, and got lost at the sight of him that you almost trip on your wat to his side. Almost.

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep you in check.” Lightheartedly, you set an alarm in your smartwatch. “You got me until midnight, love.” 

The two of you laughed. 

Today’s the big day. Tetsu’s birthday. And yes, the birthday part did get you to agree to his "proposal". 

In no time, you reached the little bar you rented. It was cozy and had a little dancefloor and disco lights that could make the activities later on at night extra special.

You assisted in arranging a party for him, inviting his close friends and some colleagues. No lies, you’re a little nervous. This was different from the strangers you’d been fooling. 

This is it...  

Kuroo pulled you closer to him, grabbing you by the waist. “You got this, sweetheart.” He brought your hand to his lips. You gave him a prim smile and he opened the door for you.  

You were welcomed by familiar faces which put you at ease, while he had a hand at the small of your back. All the worries you had earlier dissipated. Having Kuroo right next to you like this made you feel more confident.  

Though everyone had their eyes on the two of you, everything about this situation felt natural. The electricity that surrounded you...It was so strong. The chemistry you had the first time you met was glowing in front of everyone right now. You could tell that they looked at you and Kuroo like you’re made for each other.  

“Here comes the future Mr. and Mrs. Kuroo,” Kenma welcomed, mischievously knowing fully well what the both of you were up to.

Lev greeted, “Happy Birthday and Congratulations!”  

“What? I thought you two are already married!” Bokuto remarked, which shocked the both of you. “I mean... ever since you two got along, Kuroo talked about nothing but you. I even got a little sad because I thought I wasn’t invited.” 

Kuroo was just pretending not to be affected by all this, but he’s definitely dying on the inside as Bokuto ratted him out. Slowly, you tilted your head to sneak a glance at your “fiance”. 

“W-What?” he asked. 

You giggled and teased, “I didn’t know I’ve been on your mind a lot.”  

Kuroo just simply scoffed. This was totally not how he planned things to work out.  

Mr. and Mrs. Onitsuka finally arrived at the scene. Kuroo squeezed your hand as if you were going to face the biggest challenge of your life.  

“Kuroo,” The old man called as he patted Kuroo’s shoulder, “Happy Birthday, boy!” 

This was shocking. Mr. Onitsuka went from a scary strict dad to a friendly goofy one. It must be the effect of being with you.  

“Thank you, sir. Ma’am,” Kuroo acknowledged Mrs. Onitsuka’s presence, taking her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles.  

“Hmm...You sure know your way with the ladies.” The older woman complimented.  

“Gives me headache every now and then,” you said, playfully, which made the old couple laugh.  

“You must be Y/N,” Mr. Onitsuka shook your hand. “Now, I know why you got this boy to settle down.” He patted Kuroo’s chest twice. “You’re such a lucky man to have someone like Y/N right here beside you.” 

“See, even you could tell how bad she got me.” Kuroo glanced at you with an unexplainable softness in his gaze. “So damn bad.” 

The way he looked at you, his smile, his eyes, almost stopped your heartbeat. You felt so little...small? Cute? Weak in the knees? Excuse me. You’re probably smiling like a preschooler having a crush right now, but this felt like a fairytale. Someone must stop you. 

“You both looked so good together I wonder how you fell in love with each other.” Mrs. Onitsuka mused.  

Kuroo confidently replied, “It was love at first sight...” 

You choked up a laughter at his statement. Love at first sight? Crazy.... 

He raised a brow at you with a vexed and hurt expression on his face. 

“Hey, now! It sounds like a Hallmark movie. You can’t blame me,” you reasoned out.  

“But it was the truth!” 

Kuroo took a long and deep inhale. His eyes refused to look back at you as he explained, “When we met for the first time to finalize our partnership for the Volleyball video game project, I really thought you’re beautiful, and as lucky as I am, you’re also smart, funny and someone whom I found comfortable to be myself with.” 

Smiling, you recalled that moment. It wasn’t only him who felt that way that day. “Yeah...that’s...” ...what you felt too. You almost forgot this was all just a pact.  

The two couples found your bickering very amusing, which roused their curiosity even more. “Well...let’s go to the proposal. How did our lady’s man right here propose?” 

“I first asked her to marry me during the successful launch of our first project.” Kuroo shared to spark a memory in you, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck. 

“What?” 

“You really can’t remember?” He complained. 

You explained, “I thought you’re just talking about our next projects to come.” 

He gave you a stare of disbelief like you’re the stupidest, silliest girl alive. 

You paused for a moment, trying to grasp what happened in the past when Mr. Onitsuka cut your musing with a laugh. 

“Those were the days...” Mrs. Onitsuka admiringly commented.  

Mr. Onitsuka sighed. “I guess we’ll leave you two alone then.” 

You and Kuroo bowed your heads as gesture, watching the older couple take their seats.  

A sigh of relief escaped the both of you and you looked at each other chuckling.  

“Let’s go?” Kuroo invited, taking your hand to pull you close to him until he had an arm around your waist. 

You nodded your head, giggling. For the rest of the night, you did nothing but that. He was greeted from time to time, but he’d always return his attention to you. He pulled your chair close to him and playfully fed you with spoonfuls that had your mouth full—ridiculously full that you were swatting his arm almost non-stop.  

You didn’t drink anything alcoholic, but it felt like you were tipsy. You didn’t know where this endless happiness was coming from. It’s that free bubbly feeling that just fizzled out inside you. You were always playful and childlike around Kuroo, but there’s something in this moment that was just different. It was like you were set free–free to express whatever it was you wanted to for a long time.  

Kuroo rubbed your belly, “Looks like our little peanut is getting bigger now.” 

You both laughed at his teasing. “It’s ‘cause you’re feeding me a lot, dummy!”  

“What can I say? I’m just simply being a good provider. Making sure that the love of my life is well-fed and happy.” He boasted and you rolled your eyes.  

Kuroo was so close to you, the warmth of his body surrounding you in full as he had you caged all to himself. Your body moved on its own and you laced your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. All of a sudden, you didn’t want to let go.  

You didn’t know why, but your heart was about to burst at any moment now. He’s right. You’re... “Happy...” You said with a muted voice. “Birthday, Tetsu.” 

Kuroo embraced you back and even tighter, closing his eyes firmly while he was holding you so close like you’re something that could melt away in his arms at any moment. “I’m happy. I’m very very happy right now, Y/N.” 

He parted a bit, cupping your face with both hands. You searched for his eyes, and he probed yours. Your gaze shifted to his lips while his did the same thing, lingering a little on yours. You swallowed.  

What is this? 

Kuroo bit his lip. His eyelids were getting heavy as he was reaching forward. You had your lips parting a bit, just enough so you’re breathing from the space between.  

What’s happening? What’re you anticipating? 

Slowly, your noses touched. 

Just a little bit more... 

But the speaker close to you started blaring, shocking you both from your little moment and made you laugh instead.  

Kuroo stood up and extended a hand, “Care for a dance?” 

You accepted, taking the dance floor with him. He had his hands on the sides of your waist as you both swayed to the music. Your eyes were not leaving each other’s as you both got lost in the moment, cheeks hurting from the smile that won’t just fade away. 

“Screaming, I testify that we'll survive the test of time they can't deny our love.” The lyrics blazed all over and you let yourselves loose, singing the song together. “They can’t divide us. We’ll survive the test of time. I swear that I’ll be right hereeee!” 

You both burst out laughing at each other with how your voices cracked, failing to hit the high note.  

“I don’t know why it feels like I’m drunk right now,” Kuroo pondered fondly.  

“Drunk on me?” You teased, recalling what he said on the phone last time. 

“Most likely,” he smirked and returned, “You know I didn’t have any alcohol.” 

You laughed. “Yes, because that mouth of yours may run some BS again.” 

“Oh...” He scoffed and rebutted, “You speak as if my mouth is only good at talking.” 

Your quirked a brow up. “What else would it ever be good at?” 

You’re really getting him so bad like this, huh.  

The look in his eyes turned dark and he bit his lip. He stopped dancing, pulled you closer and whispered, “A lot of things.” 

His gaze slickly traveled down your lips thirstily taking in how he wanted them so bad. He grazed back to pin your eyes with a serious stare that showed how he’s already at his limit. You gulped, air got stuck in your chest. You were lost at the sight of his handsome face being accentuated by the colorful lights that you failed to ready yourself when he placed a hand behind your head and brought your lips together. Your eyes automatically closed, arms snaked around his body as he had a hand at the small of your back. Your lips danced, gobbling each other passionately, intensely. You’re taking one another’s breath.  

At that moment, only the two of you existed, intoxicated by each other’s taste and fully consumed by the fire inside you that finally came blazing after a long time being kept hidden. 

Miya Atsumu whistled. “Man, this got me frustrated.” 

“Ugh, get a room.” Oikawa chided, bitterly. 

“Just admit you’re jealous nobody wants to kiss you that way,” Iwaizumi rebutted while Kenma had his phone up, streaming the entire show.  

Your smart watch started alarming, cutting off your kiss. You glanced. It’s already 12 o’clock, which brought you back to reality. This...This was all just an agreement. An odd stabbing pain hit your chest. You looked around and the Onitsukas were nowhere to be found. They must’ve gotten home already. Your heart was knocking loudly in your ear, and you just looked at Kuroo painfully confused. 

All these emotions... 

“Excuse me,” you said, and briskly walked outside the hall.  

Your hands were cold and trembling as you placed them over your lips. It’s done now. You couldn’t run away from it anymore. For so long, you’d been telling yourself it was all just friendship even if you knew that all this time, the person you wanted to be next to you was just him.  

With this heavy feeling in your heart, you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle denying anymore. You love Tetsurou more than just a friend. 

“Y/N!” You heard him called out, and you shut your eyes firm.  

You’d just end up broken if you’d keep on pretending. 

Kuroo held your elbow, and you were swept away when he spun you around so you were facing him. He had you in his arms, with his hands clasped at the small of your back. 

“Tetsu...” You placed a hand on his chest, putting up a boundary. “Mr. and Mrs. Onitsuka went home already.” 

“And so?” He answered, noting that you’re not pushing him away. 

“I-It’s already past 12,” you reasoned out with a shaky voice. 

He bumped his head into yours. “We can have it extended, you know?” His tone was almost begging.  

You chewed on your bottom lip. “What do you mean?” Your heart stammered so hard against your ribcage.  

“The love at first sight, the proposal...they’re all real for me, Y/N.” His voice was staggering that you could feel how nervous and scared he was. Scared of losing you and letting this moment slip away. He might not get another chance. “I slipped up that you’re my bride-to-be because that’s what I’ve been wanting to happen all this time.” He ran the tips of his fingers across your cheek. “I love you, Y/N and should’ve shown you how much a lot earlier”  

“Oh, Tetsu...” you smiled at the brink of tears. “You’re such an idiot!” You lightly smacked his shoulder and scolded, “I thought I’m gonna be single forever because of you, dummy!” 

You both laughed, finally feeling the freedom of having things all let out in the open. 

Leaning close to your face, he teased you with his lips lightly grazing against yours as he spoke. “You’re still not answering me...” he muttered under his breath. “It’s past midnight now. Are we extending?” 

You smiled against his lips and asked, “For how long?”  

Kuroo grinned, pressing your noses together. “Indefinitely.” 

And you answered him with a kiss, knowing that you both won’t have anyone standing next to you aside from each other, indefinitely.  

𝑐𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑏𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛�� w/ my fellow kuroo babes @mayarii-darling @sookisaurus @tetzoro @shidouryusm @kuroosexuall @jotatetsuken @boosyboo9206 💋

© quirrrky 2023 - All rights reserved. No work shall be reproduced, reposted, modified, translated in any form or by any means.

[mysaintkitten]

hii first of all i just wanna say your writing is amazing & you are so very talented 🤍!!!! every time i see you’ve posted something i can’t wait to read it :]

anyway!! i was hoping i could request a jonathan crane x reader fic in which he gets jealous and protective over his gf <3 reader is really pretty (like one of those pinterest or ig baddies) and not the type of girl people typically picture a doctor dating lmaoaoao but he gets jealous n stuff bc people hit on her 😭 ugh i’m rambling now but ty ily 🤍

thank you so so much !! you are so kind !! i appreciate it very very much !! ilyt !!

Claimed | Jonathan Crane x fem!reader

prompt: someone tries to flirt with you at an event, and jonathan doesn’t take it lightly (NSFW!! NO MINORS!!)

WARNINGS: brief awkward interactions with pushy men, mentions of spiked drinks/possible death, implications of murders/killing, unprotected sex (p in v), jonathan and reader are both possessive, breeding/pregnancy kink, squirting, creampie

word count: 4.3k *not proofread*

“sweetheart, we’ve gotta go soon!” jonathan calls out to you from the front room. he stands in front of a large full body mirror making some final adjustments before he leaves. he takes a deep breath and slides a small syringe into his pocket. hopefully he won’t have to use it, but tonight could be hectic.

there’s a large event in gotham tonight and jonathan wants to make sure he looks his absolute best before showing up. though, he doesn’t think he’ll have to worry so much. with you on his arm, he doubts anyone will be paying much attention to his looks.

jonathan wasn’t an ugly man by any means, but you’ve lost track of how many times people told you that you’re out of his league. you didn’t see it. he’s handsome, smart, and sweet. well, sweet towards you, at least. and that’s what mattered.

“i’m coming, just hold on!” you shout back from the bedroom as you slip on your heels. you quickly walk towards the vanity before flattening our your dress and shifting it around so it hugs your body just right. once you’re happy, you head out and meet jonathan in the front room. as soon as he sees you, his anxiety begins to fade and a proud grin appears on his lips.

“darling ..” he coos as he begins to take a few steps to meet you in the middle. he runs his hands along your arms and kisses you softly, making sure he doesn’t ruin your makeup in any way.

“do i look nice?” you ask, jonathan chuckles breathily. “you look stunning, my love. now come on, we’ve gotta go.”

you sigh as he lightly grabs your wrist and starts to lead you outside, “nothing wrong with being fashionably late, jon.”

the drive to the event is rather quiet, you stare out the window, jonathan stays fixated on the road with his hand on your thigh. after a few minutes pass and you begin to arrive closer to the event jonathan decides to give you a brief rundown of what to expect.

“all right, these people will be obnoxious. and pretentious. and dull. but all you have to do is smile and nod and look pretty, okay?” jonathan asks sweetly. he’s not exactly asking you, he’s telling you. but you don’t mind, this is his event after all, you’re really just there to be eye candy. a subtle little ‘fuck you’ to the people who doubted him and his abilities to find love. jonathan was perpetually single for years until he met you, and the people around him made it their mission to never allow him to forget it. but you flipped a switch within him. his soft, gentle side began to spill out more and more. although he still definitely kept his cold and calculated side, he just tried to keep it away from you as best he could.

jonathan pulls up to the gotham museum where the event is being held. there’s a handful of people outside, standing and talking, but the real business is going down inside. you start to feel a bit nervous, you knew this event was going to be big, but this was more than you had anticipated.

you glance over to jonathan and flash him a smile, hoping to convey authentic happiness, but when you see him frown slightly in response you realize you weren’t very convincing.

“it’ll be all right, darling. i promise. you can cling to my arm the entire night, no one will bother you.” he whispers, petting the side of your face gently, “they know what i’m capable of.”

the implication of violence gave you chills. it was hot knowing how evil and dangerous he could be, while on the flip side be so affectionate and loving. he’d get down on all fours for you, kiss the ground you walk on. he had never felt that way about anyone, not in the slightest. in fact, he held partial animosity towards most people. some stronger than others. after years of being picked on and ridiculed, it’s not surprising he felt this way.

you nod at his words and form a genuine smile, making jonathan smile in return.

“let’s head inside.” he hums.

you exit the car with jonathan and begin to approach the museum, already noticing people look your way and whisper amongst themselves. you wrap your arm around jonathan’s, holding him close as you enter the event.

as you’re inside for merely a few moments, taking in the scenery and people around you, you hear someone shout from afar.

“crane!”

you and jonathan’s heads shoot over to the direction of the shout, where you’re met with a man you’ve never seen before. you feel a bit worried, but then you look over at jonathan who’s smiling. you begin to relax, if he’s not worried, you’re not worried.

the man is finally face to face with jonathan, where he grins widely and sticks out his hand. jonathan laughs and shakes the man’s hand, “been a while, hasn’t it?”

jonathan notices your confusion and breaks the handshake to speak to you, “darling, this is a friend of mine from university, his name is dr. fiske.”

you’ve heard of dr. fiske before. jonathan said he was his only friend throughout university. it’s nice to finally put a face to a name. you smile shyly at him and stick your hand out to shake his hand, “pleasure to meet you.”

he shakes your hand and nods, “same to you, miss.”

“is this your girl, crane?” dr. fiske asks, a smirk forming on his face as he drops your hand.

jonathan nods while grinning proudly, “she’s all mine.”

“look at jonny go!” he exclaims happily, smacking jonathan’s arm playfully. jonathan laughs and shrugs, “i know, i know. i got very lucky.”

you can’t help but smile at his words, he always made sure you knew how much he appreciated you and how lucky he got with you. but to hear him tell it to others really solidified his love for you, you’d never been put on such a pedestal by a partner before.

“well, i won’t hold you guys up. it was nice to see you crane, and it was nice to meet you ma’am.” dr. fiske adds before leaving to head to another area of the event.

the night goes well. jonathan talks to people, and you do as he asked. smiled, nodded, looked pretty. and he was right, these people were like parasites. energy leeches. it was becoming more and more difficult to feign this contentment when your annoyance was beginning to boil inside of you. you can only hear so many rich pricks ramble about how great they are in one night.

luckily, the conversations begin to fizzle out.

“would you like to get a drink?” jonathan questions, already knowing what your response will be.

“yes, please.” you sigh with relief. it would be much easier to pretend to be interested if you were drunk, but having to do all this sober was really putting your acting skills to the test.

jonathan chuckles and leads you to the bar, “stay here for a moment, darling. i need to use the restroom. don’t move, i’ll be right back. order yourself whatever you’d like.”

he gives you a quick peck on the cheek before heading off to the bathroom. you really didn’t want to be alone surrounded by people you didn’t know. but you’re grown, and you remember what jonathan said. they know what i’m capable of.

“gin and tonic, please.” you order politely, the bartender mumbles and begins to make your drink.

as you stand there, clicking your nails against the counter while you wait, you’re disrupted by an unfamiliar voice.

“here all by yourself, hun?”

you quickly swing around with a confused expression on your face, and you’re met with an extremely tall stranger that reeks of alcohol. you have no idea who this man is, or why he’s decided to talk to you out of all people. of course this would happen the moment jonathan leaves your side.

“uh .. no, actually. i’m here with my boyfriend.” you respond flatly as you hear the sound of the bartender placing your drink down behind you, you thank them and grab your drink, bringing it up to your lips and taking a small sip.

“well .. he doesn’t seem to be around, love.” the man noticed while slurring, “doesn’t he know better than to leave a pretty thing like you unattended?”

“he’ll be back soon. and trust me, he will not be happy to see you talking to me.” you warn, feeling irritated at this man’s inability to take no for an answer.

he clicks his tongue and tilts his head, “aw. can’t even have a conversation with you? that’s too bad .. i’ll give him something to get angry over ..” he laughs as his hand begins to meet your hip, you push his chest back firmly, spilling a bit of your drink in the process.

“don’t touch me!” you snap, hoping to god that jonathan hurries up and saves you.

“sweetheart ..” the man chuckles lowly, putting his hands up defensively, “relax, now. what your little boyfriend can’t see won’t hurt him, right?” he whispers as he reaches to touch your hips again.

you go to push him again, “i said don’t touch me!”

in the midsts of your rage, your eyes meet with jonathan. he may be far away, but you can tell he’s fuming. he nudges people out of the way and quickly strides over to you, his expression becoming angrier by the moment. suddenly, he’s behind the man’s back with a drink in his hand. his gaze burning into the back of his head.

“is there a problem here?” jonathan growled, the man turns around and scoffs. jonathan’s visibly shorter than the man, but that doesn’t faze jonathan in the slightest. the man scoffs at him, “not at all, man. just chatting with this lovely lady.”

jonathan’s gaze switches to you, and you shake your head slightly, trying to convey to jonathan that you didn’t want to talk to this man at all. he knew what you were trying to say, and he knew this wasn’t your fault.

“interesting,” jonathan responds unamused, “well hopefully you’ve said all you needed to say. come on, darling. let’s go.”

he reaches his hand out for you and you quickly latch onto him, avoiding making eye contact with the unfamiliar man.

he laughs, “wait wait, this is your boyfriend? jesus.”

jonathan wanted to leave as soon as possible to avoid causing a scene, but these little digs were making it harder for him to think rationally.

“yup. she’s all mine.” jonathan sighs, “feel free to look. but you cannot touch.”

the man laughs, not realizing how scarily serious jonathan is being. the energy is making you extremely uncomfortable. he swallows and forces a smile, “here, man. no hard feelings.”

jonathan hands his drink over to the man, to which he accepts it and nods. “yeah man, no hard feelings.” he mumbles while taking a sip. you’re confused. jonathan has never behaved like this. normally, he’d resort to getting violent, yet he gave this man a drink like it was some sort of reward.

you clench harder on jonathan’s arm and the two of you turn to leave, you hear the man make one final comment from behind you;

“keep me in mind, sweetheart. i know you’ll be thinking about me.”

you shudder from discomfort, speeding up your pace as you head towards the door.

once in the car, you sit awkwardly in the passenger seat, unable to relax.

jonathan gets into the drivers seat and slams the door, “goddamn prick ..” he groans, aggressively putting on his seatbelt.

“baby, i’m sorry, he came up to me and he wouldn’t take no for an answer ..” your voice trails off as you can’t figure out what else to say

“no, no, darling, it’s not you ..” he assures, “it’s that stupid fucking bastard in there. who does he think he is? what makes him think he’s worthy of your attention?” though jonathan knows you wouldn’t betray him like that, he’s irritated at the man’s attempt.

you rub jonathan’s arm, “he’s arrogant. and he’s probably never been told no in his life .. he couldn’t win me over if he was the last man on earth.”

jonathan huffs and begins to drive off, you remember how jonathan gave him his drink.

“baby?” you whisper, interlocking your fingers with his,

“hm?” he responds, not taking his eyes off the road,

“why’d you give him your drink?”

he grins while remembering, “well, i couldn’t drink it anyway. i had to drive us home.”

that makes sense now that you think about it, maybe he was offered a drink and accepted it to be nice.

“and i slipped something into the drink.”

your expression drops, “what?”

jonathan just shrugs and continues to grin, “he needs to learn a lesson. i guess he just didn’t know what i’m capable of, but now he’ll know.”

what you didnt know at the time was as jonathan began to approach you, he slipped the syringe out of his pocket (which you didn’t even know about to begin with) and squirted the concoction into the drink hastily. your heart starts to race a bit, a mixture of fear and admiration. he really would do whatever to protect you. you don’t know how severely he’s hurt this man, whether the drink will simply knock him out or flat out kill him. you didn’t know, and that gave you a rush. he was already tipsy anyway, whatever happens to him won’t get pinned on jonathan.

“i’d do whatever for you, darling. anything.” he hums, clenching your hand harder, “i know, i know ..” you agree, “i’d do anything for you, too. i’m yours.”

he groans and loosened his grip on your hand, shifting your hand down lower between his legs, “all mine, pretty girl. all mine.”

you gasp softly as he guides your hand to his growing bulge, “you get so many men all worked up, baby .. yet i’m the one that gets to touch you, and hear all those pretty noises you make as you come undone.”

you run your hand along his clothed cock without his guidance and you feel yourself becoming aroused as your thighs tense together, the intensity of the situation was making your heart pound and your mind foggy.

before you know it, he’s pulled up outside of the house.

“get inside, go into the bedroom. i expect to see you ready by the time i get there.” he purrs, you hum while taking your hand off of his bulge, quickly heading inside and shutting the door behind you before kicking off your shoes. before you’re even near the bedroom you begin to unzip your dress, giggling quietly as you hear jonathan enter through the front door, locking it behind him while sliding off his shoes.

as you stand in the bedroom, you fully slide the dress off, tossing it on top of the hamper before quickly unclasping your bra and sliding off your panties. you scramble, slightly breathlessly, onto the bed, and lay back as you wait patiently for him.

a few moments later, jonathan enters, sighing at what he sees.

“oh, my girl ..” he purrs, walking over to the bed before crawling onto it, planting kisses on your ankles as he works his way up your legs, “so well behaved .. all for me ..” he praises as his kisses make their way to your thighs, where you slowly spread your legs apart for him. he groans at your pussy, continuing his desperate kisses along your inner thigh.

“look at that pussy ..” he hums lowly while using his index and middle finger to spread your lips apart, “god. i’ve killed men over this cunt, you know that, darling?”

you whimper at his tone as you shake your head, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth while staring down at him.

“well ..” he coos while sliding a finger inside of you, “i have. i’ve kept track of the men that have harassed you, hurt you, annoyed you, hell, even the men that looked at you the wrong way. notice how you’ve never seen them again?”

the more you think about it, the more you realize you never had to deal with these men more than once. the incident would occur, you’d tell jonathan, and he’d take care of it. it’s sickeningly attractive to know how far jonathan will go for you, knowing how absolutely pussy whipped you’ve made him.

you gasp as he slowly fucks you with his middle finger, your mind finding it hard to focus on one specific thing.

“for .. for me?” you whimper, feeling yourself becoming slicker

“all for you, my love.” he sighed against your thigh as he continues to place small kisses along your inner thighs, his lips inching closer to your swollen clit, “all for you.” he whispers one last time before suckling gently on your clit while continuing to finger you, sneaking a second finger in while you writhe beneath him.

“o-oh ..” you moan, “jonathan, please ..”

your pussy clenches around his fingers and he hums against your clit, slipping a third finger in as you whimper loudly,

“j-jonathan, please!” you mewl, snaking your fingers down into jonathan’s head and tightly locking your fingers into his hair, he briefly pulls off and continues to finger you while groaning “let me taste your pretty pussy for a bit longer, darling ..”

your cheeks burn at his praise, your thighs beginning to twitch around his head as you become wetter, the sounds of his slick tongue and drenched fingers become even louder. lewd squelches and soft whimpers are all that can be heard, along with jonathan’s occasional hums against your clit.

he can feel you become close, he’s able to recognize your involuntary jolts and twitches all too well. he pulls his fingers out and takes his lips off you, huffing quietly as he brings his slick fingers up to his mouth and sucking the arousal off.

the dirty act makes your chest flutter, he’s so desperate to taste each and every drop of you, trying his absolute hardest to make sure none of it goes to waste. once his fingers are cleaned, he brings his hands down to his zipper and button, where he urgently unbuttons and unzips his pants.

“who do you belong to, baby?”

“‘m yours, jon ..” you moan, batting your lashes at him. he groans as his jaw hangs slightly slack while he tugs his pants down, his cock nearly bursting out of his boxers. he palms himself while staring down at you, “‘n who do i belong to?” he smirks,

it rarely crossed your mind that the possessiveness went both ways, you were normally so enamoured by jonathan and his admiration for you that you rarely considered anyone else as a threat. but occasionally, jonathan would get hit on in front of you, and it would make you immensely angry and insecure. he’d barely even look in the same direction as other women, yet they’d still somehow think that was a sign to approach him. he’d shoot them down harshly. even the women that you felt could easily take your place, jonathan’s loyalty towards you never faltered. he wanted to make sure you wouldn’t have to go to the same limits that he would to keep outsiders eyes off of you.

you shake those thoughts aside to respond to him while biting your lip, “you’re mine ..”

he hums in approval while sliding down his boxers, both the boxers and his pants now sitting at his mid thigh, “that’s right, darling.”

he inches his hips forward and runs his cock head along your folds, spreading the slick around before teasing your clit with his tip. pressing against the bud and gently moving his cock side to side, watching as you wriggled at the teasing.

he chuckles and dips his cock back to your opening, slowly sliding just his tip in before pulling it back out, fucking you agonizingly slow with the head.

“d’you know how many men are gonna be jerking off to the thought of you? ‘n how many of them wish they could just get a glimpse of your pussy .. let alone sit here and tease it ..” he breathed, beginning to slowly side more of his cock inside you. your breath hitches at the developing fullness, “more .. please ..”

“aw, poor baby,” he coos almost condescendingly, “you want me to fuck you properly?”

you nod mindlessly and huff, purposefully clenching around him in hopes of getting him to put his full length inside. it partially works, you think, as he groans and slides more inside, still not bottoming out yet.

“use your words, darling.” jonathan commands, halting his movements again and leaving just his tip inside once more.

“please, jonathan .. please fuck me properly ..” you whimper embarrassingly, as those words leave your mouth he laughs breathily before sliding his full length in, nearly knocking the wind out of you as he thrusts back out and pounds into you again. he forms a quick, rough pace that makes you nearly cry with pleasure.

“o-oh, mmh, fuck!” you whine loudly, your back arching as jonathan’s cock forcefully hits your most sensitive areas.

“this cunts all mine, you hear me?” he groans while gripping your thigh with one hand and grabbing your face with the other, “if i wanna fuck it, slap it, breed it, abuse it, whatever i want. it’s mine. right, baby?”

you nod quickly with furrowed brows, pathetic little mewls falling from your lips as you stare at him through your lashes. you loved this duality about jonathan. sometimes you’d purposefully rile him up just to get him to fuck you angrily and almost animalistic. sometimes, he’ll make love to you and praise you the entire time like you’re a goddess that’s a blessing on this earth, other times he’d fuck you like you’re a filthy whore that’s sole purpose is to be stuffed full of cock. you needed both in moderation. right now, you were long overdue for one of his dirty rough fucks, so it’s kind of nice the way things panned out tonight.

“wanna breed this pussy so goddamn bad .. you like how that sounds, sweetheart? you want me to fuck a baby into you?” he purrs, his grip on your face and hip still tight, you nod and moan loudly, “y-yes, jonathan!”

he chuckles before quickly switching to a low groan as he feels you become slicker around him, “god .. you’re gonna look so fucking good all nice ‘n full .. i’ll make you my wife .. you want that, hm?”

“yes, yes!” you ramble as your mind goes blank, it feels nearly primal. like deep down, you’re just two ravenous, hungry creatures who need each others bodies and want to reproduce. that’s all humans are really meant to do, isn’t it?

“good girl .. such a good girl .. i’ll take such good care of you and our baby, darling ..” he hums, “open your mouth for me ..”

you lazily open your mouth and stick out your tongue, small whimpers being punched out of you as you do so. after grinning at how malleable you are in his hands, he spits in your mouth. he doesn’t even need to tell you to swallow, you do it anyway.

“that’s it, god you’re fucking perfect ..” he praised, it made you feel so dirty, your mind running on overdrive at the intense amounts of pleasure. you hadn’t even realized how close you were until you felt yourself beginning to slowly tip over the edge. this didn’t feel like your normal orgasms though, you felt something different within you.

suddenly, through jonathan’s harsh thrusts, your orgasm spills out of you while you whimper loudly. the clear liquid poured out of you and dampened the blanket beneath you along with jonathan’s pants. you twitch at the after shocks of your orgasm and jonathan’s pace never slows, “look at that .. drenched my fuckin’ pants baby ..”

“i’m sorry, ‘m sorry i couldn’t control it ..” you apologize as your cheeks flush from the embarrassment, you had never squirted before, and now you feel partially guilty for ruining his pants. not too guilty, though, because your other senses are still being dulled by the feeling of his cock pounding into you.

“no, don’t apologize, sweet girl .. ‘s cute .. made you feel so good, you made such a mess ..” he soothes, loosening his grip on you face and sliding his hand down to grip the other side of your hip with his now free hand.

his thrusts begin to get shaky and his breaths get heavier, “gonna come- fuck, baby, ‘m gonna come ..” he huffs through gritted teeth, his eyes shutting tightly as his grips get harsher. after a few more pumps, he’s coming inside you. groaning lowly as he holds your hips tightly against his, making sure he shoots his load as deeply inside of you as he can.

he thrusts a few more times to really get his come in there before slowly pulling out his softening cock. he leans back on his knees, you scan him up and down from between your legs. his cheeks are pink, his hair is messy, his forehead is sweaty, his glasses have slid down the middle of his nose bridge, his chest rises and falls laboredly, and his almost fully soft cock sits between his legs, his pants still around his thighs with a large visible damp mark from when you had orgasmed.

once he’s caught his breath, jonathan speaks;

“maybe other men should flirt with you more often.” he chuckles.

—

i have to be honest, i don’t think this is good at all, but i hope you guys at least like it! i’m sorry it’s taken me a while! i’ll be back on track soon! :)

[donttxtathebeach]

previous|next

masterlist

y/n_williams

35M

❤️drewstarkey, halieybieber,sofiarichie, and others

I guess you could say I’m officially off the market.

sofiarichie FINALLY IT TOOK HIM A YEAR

y/n_williams Hey, we wanted to take things slow.

elliotgrainge FUCKIN FINALLY

y/n_williams why are you in my comment section? I’m still mad at you.

y/n_williams @sofiarichie Come end, get you, man.

user16 stop this is funny

y/n_williams GUYS THIS IS ALL AN ACT SOFÍA AND ELLIOT SRE LITERALLY MY PARENTS

halieybieber so me and Justin mean nothing

y/n_williams wait, no, that’s not

justinbieber I see how it is

user67 not y/n fighting for her life in her own comment section

drewstarkey congratulations, beautiful! You deserve nothing less than to be treasured!

y/n_williams awe drew

brooke_starkey congratulations, beautiful

y/n_williams thank you my friend

maliah_williams My heart, my baby is growing up. I can’t do this.

y/n_williams mom I'm got a boyfriend I’m not engaged

user66 this is so precious, wait!!

y/nupdstes you’re telling me she is finally getting her girlfriend arc!!!

user90 I feel so happy to live during this monumental period in time.

user87 can we all acknowledge that y/n has been posting a lot more! She talks about how she likes to keep a lot of things private, but she has been sharing a lot with us recently. That must be a little stop for her. So that means our girl has finally found someone who loves her well.

❤️ by y/n_williams

y/n_williams This is so sweet; I haven’t really realized how much I’ve been posting. I truly have just been feeling the love on all sides, and I don’t know; life is really a gift.

user16 I love this so much

bellahadid girlllllll finally

gigihadid we have been waiting patiently for this moment

mackaylastarkey so happy for you, girl!!

y/n_williams Thanks, Mack; that means so so much.

drewstarkey

56.9k

❤️by y/n_williams, brooke_starkey, starkeyboy ,and others

Some things are better kept between us. Grateful for this journey and for this beautiful girl who makes it all better. So happy to finally call you mine!

brooke_starkey So happy for you, Drew. Couldn’t have picked a better person.

mackaylastarkey Love seeing you so happy, Drew! Keeping it low-key but I know you’re smilin’ big. 

starkeyboy Proud of you, man. It’s about time you found someone who gets you. Just… don’t forget about us when you’re too busy being cute together. 

user44 y/n and drew soft launching on the same day?

rudeth bro did it finally

austinnorth55 So proud of you, man. 🖤 You’re a real one for keeping it low-key. Respect.

jonothsndavisoffical Bro, this is the vibe we all neededCan’t wait to meet her when the time’s right. 🙌

user22 Loving how secretive Drew is about it. We’ll be waiting for the official reveal

brooke_starkey Let them enjoy this time—sometimes the quiet moments are the best ones. ❤️

madelyncline So happy for you, Drew! Keeping it low-key is definitely the move. You know I’m rooting for you both, but I’ll respect the privacy—this is your moment. 

y/n_williams added to their story!

@sofiarichie replied to your story

sofiarichie girl, stop playing, I picked up.

y/n_williams the second time i called

drewstarkey added to their story!

❤️ by y/n_williams

y/n_williams so were in love territory drewstarkey shit, baby yeah i guess we are y/n_williams drew we haven't even been dating a whole ass day. drewstarkey yes,and.... y/n_williams i can't with you

[notmorbid]

bear.

dialogue prompts from bear by julia phillips.

i've lived long enough to know who can be counted on and who can't.

we're going to have to save each other.

we'll have to move, if we want a life worth living.

i've spent a long time waiting for my life to change.

you'll never guess what we saw today.

you get worked up over the weirdest stuff.

our brave girl.

a little stargazing sounds like fun.

i do feel lucky, sometimes.

you're exactly the same as you've always been.

stay away from my family's pain.

is this real?

i thought you might have gone out there.

it's easier to be brave together.

i don't know why i bothered telling anybody.

you could. you just don't want to.

i didn't think it was real when i first saw it.

you don't sound scared at all.

you're not worried?

you have a way of making even mistakes look gorgeous.

i would have followed you anywhere.

you were who i wanted to grow up to be.

i wanted a grownup to step in, so i could step back and be a child again.

i don't want to be in pain.

does it help you to hear that i'm used to it?

so how was it, really?

sorry, but i have to tell you something.

we'll get through this. we always do.

there are always chances for hope.

are we in trouble?

you look like someone who has everything.

i can't figure you out.

are you the oldest child, or are you just arrogant?

shock can do strange things to our perception.

what is calling ____ going to do for us?

you were being kind of rude.

i don't appreciate your keeping secrets from me.

when was the last time you felt really alive?

there's nothing to say. it's just the way it is.

i didn't know it got to you like that.

i want things to be better than this.

____ is my one good thing.

___ would have told me.

you played your part well. i have to give you that.

you're brave. i would have freaked out.

you're the most levelheaded person i've ever met.

you hit me. you can't do that.

i want to understand. i've been trying to understand.

i need you to listen to me. right now you aren't listening at all.

i know you think i don't understand, but i do.

all i want is for you to be happy.

i know you love me. do you trust me?

we have each other. we'll make it through this.

i miss having you here. i got used to it.

do you know how proud i am of you?

you don't argue with the timing of gifts. you open your arms and welcome them.

you know how to listen, even to what isn't said.

do you think you'll raise your kids here?

we've wasted enough time together.

we can't make people do what they don't want to do.

you need to wake up.

we've been underwater for years.

we're not going anywhere.

how are you doing? i've been thinking of you.

i know how destabilizing loss can be.

you're overwhelmed. that makes people act without thinking.

it's time to focus on your family.

you're so close to seeing the truth.

for a single minute, can you leave me alone?

i'm pretty shitty, if you're asking.

____ was so young. it isn't fair.

you're acting like someone i don't recognize.

real love is the ability to hear what isn't said.

i can't imagine ever being with anyone else.

you did worse than ask. you expected.

we're not children anymore, making up stories about our grownup selves.

you're never going to find anyone who is more dedicated to you than i am.

there's something here that's nowhere else.

i was bored, so i thought i'd come visit.

when was the last time you slept?

we have a good time together, don't we?

there's more to the world than this.

you'd benefit with some distance from home.

didn't i warn you?

i'm trying to help you.

stop hanging around messing with my life. go make your own.

no outsider could ever help us.

have you ever held a gun before?

i don't want to hurt anyone.

nothing matches an older sibling's constancy.

i imagine everything as better than it actually was.

you're not alone. you've never been alone.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Friday everyone! Doing today cause I shall be doing 5x01 On Sunday like I mentioned before to not be posting on Christmas. :) Holy crap we’re on the S4 finale. I remember when I watching it when it premiered thinking is this real life? Thought I was in a fever dream haha Made some long gifs to fit everything in LOL This one is super packed also this ep doesn’t need much more of an intro. So let’s get this party started.

4x22 Day in The Hole

Our fav patch work family gets the cold open. This moment truly is Tim and Lucy in mom/dad mode. Makes me so damn happy. Tim complaining because Tamara is late to meet them. Moaning on and on saying they have to go... but makes no effort to actually move or leave. Because the both of them have Tim wrapped around their finger. That man isn't moving but will complain the whole time about it LOL Lucy going into wifey mode calming him down saying she’ll be here. Relax. ha

Tamara pulls in and almost hits someone. In a police station parking lot... Their reactions I’m dying. Just a couple of concerned parents watching their kid almost cause an accident. Lucy is a proud mom as she pulls up. Clapping her hands. Tim looking like the stern father. He glares at the car wanting to see if this car is safe enough for her. This is a glimpse into them as parents. I’m liking what I see. Also can I say how cute it is Lucy wants Tim to look at her car in first place. Of course he said yes.

Tamara comes out and says isn’t she pretty? Saying it’s her first car. Lucy correcting her saying actually her car was her first. Tamara makes a joke about it being her fifth if they’re talking stolen. Tim has such a dad moment. ‘What?’ She loves to push their buttons it’s hilarious. Telling Tim it's a joke. Just loves messing with her pseudo mom and dad. Lives for it really. This is a fantastic way to start this episode off.

The family energy in this scene giving me all the feels. Lucy telling her to get it checked by the mechanic first. That you never know what cars from seized police auction go through. Tamara says Tim set her up with his guy already. Lucy is beaming about this. Says ‘Awww you do have a heart.’ ha Tim can't be seen as soft so he deflects.

But you are soft for both your girls Tim…This much is obvious ha You're a soft little puppy for them. I mean it's only for them but a marshmallow none the less. His reply is sassy af. Saying it’s purely out of self interest. He didn’t want to deal with Lucy being a drag with her dying in a mangled fireball of metal on the 405. The scoff/look Tamara shoots his way is hilarious. Tim fires back ‘Joke.’

Like Father like daughter and I’m dying with the cuteness in this cold open. Also Tim mirroring her posture from when she said 'Joke' to him. LMAO Unfortunately a drug sniffing dog starts barking at the car. Tim opens the hatch back and searches it. Find kilos of drugs hidden in the compartment. Tamara looks so sad. ‘I’m not getting my car back am I?’ Hahaha Sorry my dear you are definitely not…

Lucy looks up who the car is registered to. It's ‘Jake Butler.’ Lucy pulls up his mug shot and is confused as hell. Ahhhh the beginning of Dim it’s glorious. They pick up his doppelgänger and it's pretty amusing. Didn’t have room for that portion but his ‘Yo, why you looking like me?’ LOL Kills me. They get him into interrogation and the girls are having a field day with it. Enjoying Tim's discomfort so very much. Tim isn’t about this whatsoever of course.

Lucy says maybe they were separated at birth? Tim replies he’s a year older than him and was born in FL. You can see how unsettling he finds this. Tim tries to brush this off. Saying he doesn’t look that much like him. Ok honey… Angela saying he’s not the brightest bulb. Lucy gets excited and says ‘Tim and Dim’ LMAO Enjoying herself far too much with this. Angela and Nyla are joining in on it laughing with her. They aren't helping tamp down her excitement about this at all.

Tim calling Jake 'Dim' is hilarious. Lucy's face when he does is too cute. Also It cracks me up the minute they enter interrogation Dim hits on Lucy. Doesn't waste any time. I’m dying. Also you know Melissa and Eric had a blast filming these scenes. They’re so funny. The cockiness on Dim saying she would remember ha! Man isn’t lacking in the confidence department that's for sure. They tell him they found his car. He gets all excited saying someone stole it LOL

They inform him it was towed cause he parked by a hydrant haha Tim confronts him about the drugs in the car and Dim denies having it. Because of course he does. His fingerprints are all over the bags. Tim says he helps them and they’ll keep him out of prison. Dim gets offended and says he thought they had a bond ha.

Lucy asks where the drugs came from? He tells them Mexico that he was supposed to drive them over the border. But then he wanted to see his girl first before he dropped them off. I.e. Juicy heh When he came back out the car was gone. Tim asks for the name of the guy they were going to. He tells them Ray Hajek. Lucy gets a look in her eye and asks if his crew ever met him? He tells them no but why? We watch Lucy light up and Tim is confused why she is so excited haha

It’s here we see Lucy’s excitement go into hyperdrive. I love this portion because she is like a kid in a candy store with this. The sugary high to go along with it LOL Grey and Angela are no help to Tim whatsoever. They are beyond amused by Lucy’s antics. Like to note how easily Tim gives into Lucy’s demands here btw. You're married you just don’t know it yet.

Once he agrees Lucy gets ultra hyper which has me cackling. I love how she stops him with her hands. Because she’s too excited to walk now. Saying all the things they need to do to get him to look like Dim. Tim pointing out she is enjoying this way too much. Duh. I love her excited speed walk to catch up to him and say he needs tattoos. Lucy was a little too excited for those tats heh She sure loves the idea of a clean cut Tim Bradford covered in tattoos.

We pan to Lucy being on the team watching Tim’s OP. Part of the rescue team if needed. Kinda nice to see her on the watching end instead of him. Being just as much the worried wifey as he is the husband for her when she does UC. He gets taken up to the boss and does a damn good job of it. They’re pissed at him first because he disappeared with their drugs. Tim saying he went to ground because he didn’t want to get caught. Trying to avoid jamming him up.

He then asks why Wisco his heavy shouldn’t throw him over the balcony? We watch Lucy and Angela tense up. Tim has this handled with his reply above though. He is shocked with his intelligent reply. Saying he heard he was dumb. Tim continues on saying he wants people to think he’s dumb. Means they underestimate him.

That answer is enough for him. Tell Tim get his cash on way out. Or he could do another job for him and triple it. Tim asks what kind of job? He won’t divulge that portion just yet. Only that it’s heavy and tomorrow. They’ll need a driver. They heard his old lady is fast. Tim makes a crack 'Sometimes too fast.' He laughs and tells him they’ll be in touch with him.

Angela catches Lucy and tells her she had Dim’s GF picked up. Lucy is like 'Ok…Wait why are you being weird?' Angela says she needs to see for herself. She is enjoying this far too much. It’s Juicy! Haha Having AU Tim and Lucy makes my soul happy ahahah Now Tim is the one enjoying himself. Lucy is in shock when she sees her doppelgänger. Angela adding in ‘I guess we know who’s going undercover with Dim.’

Tim’s taunting is funny I’m rolling. ‘Yeah Juicy.’ ‘No’ ‘Mmhmm It’s Juicy’ LOL I’m dying this is so hilarious. Not so funny when it’s your double eh Lucy? Also you know Angela was enjoying this way too much as well. Lucy’s ‘I don’t like that…’ cracks me up. She is so disturbed by having her own double. She was having fun before and now she doesn't like it. Also probably stirring some stuff up there is an AU version of them out there. Not only that but they're together.

We’ve arrived at THE scene for the episode. Tim is over at Lucy’s for OP prep. Saying the backstory has to be airtight. Lucy agrees with him and asks how they met? Tim's answer of a BBQ is vanilla as it gets. This is why she’s the UC babe LOL Lucy telling him that’s lame. I love her just being so upfront with him. She always is but there is a confidence here I love. This is her wheelhouse and Tim is just along for the ride. This is her show really and she proves that in this scene.

Tim is such a stubborn turd saying ‘You think you can do better?’ Oh Timothy you’re about to have your mind blown and your brain broken…She starts out strong saying ‘Watch me.’ Lucy rubs her hands together. Saying they met because he was on the run from the cops. Tim nodding along but not totally sold yet. Lucy continues on with he ended up in her building frantic.Looking for a place to hide.

That she was the one who opened up the door for him. That she lied to the cops for him. It's here we see Tim starts to be impressed with her backstory. That sweet smirk of his in the second gif. You know he is in awe of her right now. That smirk and head tilt is a dead giveaway. Look at how soft he looks gazing at her. Fooling no one sir.

Lucy’s confidence continues as she finishes up their backstory. It's the smug smile and direct eye contact she gives him as she delivers that line above that gets me. I watch this scene and I’m still in shock we got it. That Lucy is talking about their alter egos hooking up while the cops search for him. Thus his brain malfunctioning. Tim’s reaction is glorious. It will always make me laugh no matter how many times I see it.

Kudos to Eric for crushing it like he always does. Lucy short circuited his brain and it shows. He is having an repeated error message and failing to reboot. You can tell he’s trying to hide the fact she turned him on a little. She achieved this with her confidence through out the story and just blowing his mind right at the end. The man will never recover. He is legit speechless.

Tim was not expecting her to go there at all. She floored him while simultaneously turning him on LOL His professional brain came to a screeching halt when she finished. Also I'm sure he wasn't expecting to be turned on by just her words either. His body was not ready for such things. Good thing he’s sitting cause I’m sure his pants just got a little tighter….

Tim then remembers he has to reply to her plan now haha Trying to gain his wits about him. Telling her ‘Ok….that..that's pretty good actually.’ Pretty good? She just blew your backstory out of the water. Then proceeded to make your brain stop working. You know he’s a mixture of turned on and impressed as hell with her. Won’t say so but his face said it all for us didn’t it? He legit had his jaw drop like a cartoon hahaha

Tim is seeing she truly is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to UC holy crap. She is also basking in the fact that she crushed his plan with her own, made him speechless, and then got a compliment out of him. Lucy is feeling pretty proud of herself when she says 'Thank you.' I love seeing this confidence on her. It's a good look. Just like I'll never over Tim's growth same goes for her. To see the confident bad ass woman she is now. How far she's come. I love it seeing it.

Once Tim has some semblance of a brain back he mentions the elephant in the room. That if they’re gonna sell they're together. They’re gonna have to...You know…. Lucy knowing exactly what he’s talking about but giving him a hard time. Trying to get him to say the words. Pretending like she has no idea what he’s talking about. He continues to get flustered and stammers around. Poor Tim. He struggles with his words and stutters. He’s shocked she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Lucy is enjoying herself far too much. Look at her face. Letting him dangle and trip over his words. Knowing talking about this is making him so very uncomfortable LOL So mean to do to your soulmate Lucy ha She finally throws him a lifeline and says we might have to PDA? Tim gets frustrated she strung him along and says never mind. Lucy stops him and says he’s right. If they’re going to kiss it shouldn’t be for the first time.

Then the awkwardness that is them pre-kiss ensues. They’re not sure what to do now…So Lucy suggests they stand up. No one does awkward better than these two. They’re so out of their depth right now. It's hysterical. I love a nervous Lucy Chen she is beyond adorable right here. The way Tim starts to lean in and she bails LOL Saying ‘No’ with a nervous giggle ejecting far away from him I’m rolling.

She totally chickens out at first and I don’t blame her. After last episode I'm sure her emotions are going haywire in this moment. Being shy because she already knows of the feelings there. That this was going to bring them out even more. Tim is about to find out himself what this kiss will reveal. Tim is exasperated and not understanding what’s going on here.

He's got a let's do this and get it over with attitude. The thing is Tim is nervous too. Look at him in that first gif. Takes a deep cleansing breath before trying to give her a kiss. He is just as nervous as she is. One thing to banter and flirt with your partner. It's another to kiss them. They’re both buzzing with nerves and it’s adorable af. Hats off to Eric and Melissa in this scene. I can feel all their anxiety and giddiness in this moment. They do an amazing job in this portion.

Tim get frustrated again and says ‘Oh, you know what? We’re professionals. Let’s just get this over with.’ Lucy’s reaction is the best part LOL Telling him 'Whoa! that’s romantic.' His childish reply of saying he wasn’t trying to be romantic LMAO OMG it’s a good thing you’re about to kiss. Because I wanna yell at them to kiss and get a room already.

Their banter is primo in this scene. Legendary really as is this entire scene. We talk about them being married a lot but never more so than before this kiss. Lucy telling him he’s succeeding and he replies with his pouty face. It’s all so hilarious to watch unfold. Lucy’s nervousness continues to shine through. Trying to reset herself as she psyches herself up to kiss him.

Tim never fails in making me laugh with his expressions and reactions. Telling her in an sarcastic tone to ‘Take her time...’ LOL Lucy trying to give herself a pep talk while Tim stands there exasperated af with her. He is so very done at this point. Just waiting her out at this point. Because he’s used to his wife antics. I love his annoyed deep sigh he let outs when she’s ready to rejoin him. The way he swings his arms in impatience lol

Tim finally leans in and gives her the most pitiful peck on the lips. He’s so proud of himself when he pulls back though. It’s pretty damn adorable if you ask me. He is expecting praise from his girl only to be demolished by her. Lucy was definitely expecting way more than what he just delivered. It's almost like she has to hold back a laugh at his lack luster attempt. Also that he thought he did a good job with it. Saying ‘I'm s...Sorry, is that it?' After all that build up just an innocent peck on the lips? Tim is so offended about her critique till she lays one on him. Effectively silencing him with a kiss. Also like to note how I love how this season started with an almost kiss and ends with an actual one. Lovely bookend.

I’ll never be over her cutting him off with her lips and grabbing him by the face. Pulling him forcefully towards her lips. *phew lord* Has his whole face in her hands while she has her way with him. I love how he stumbles into the kiss at first. If you watch him in the beginning of this gif you see him fall forward into the kiss. Wasn’t expecting that show of force from her. He needs a second to readjust his body into what’s now happening. Both of their frustrations with each other melting away once their lips touch. Takes them a moment to find their rhythm. Then it’s all about melding into one another. Fitting like the perfect puzzle pieces they low key always knew they were.

How Lucy’s right hand drops to his chest as she gets comfortable in this kiss. In his arms. Doing what comes naturally while in them. She keeps her left hand firmly on his face though. Keeping those beautiful lips of his directed at her. We watch Tim start to melt into Lucy as well. See how his body begins to relax against hers. His hand has made it's way up to her shoulder. Had this continued I have no doubt they would've swapped places from where they started. His hands continuing their journey upwards. Tim encasing her face in his hands as he continued to kiss her as if his life depended on it.

We see them start to get lost in their kiss. That argument of their's a moment ago is long forgotten. It’s such a sexy first kiss sweet lord. Tim has quickly adjusted from the beginning of the kiss. He's eased into it now and is ready to go for more. We saw him begin startled then quickly relax into her as the kiss goes on. Seems so natural like they've done this before. Reminds me of Chandler and Monica. When Joey/Rachel ask Chandler what he felt when he and Monica kissed after being friends for so long? Telling them felt like 'Why haven't we been doing this the entire time?' This kiss represents that line IMO.

Look at the way he is melting into her as he looks to deepens that kiss. He’s attached to her upper lip. We can see a little tongue too. Don't think I didn't see you slip that in Timothy heh. He is ready to take this further when their pseudo daughter walks in….I love it being Tim who deepened that kiss. Making that all important first move once again. Lucy wasn’t complaining one bit btw. Cracks me up how Tamara's first solution is to go. Let them have more time alone. I'm sure she's thought of them getting together before.

She doesn't seem terribly shocked by this so much as incredibly amused. How could she not with how they are? Then the awkward hilarity begins. I’ll never be over Lucy’s ‘Oh!’ As they fly apart from each other. Both trying to put a continent between them. It’s so damn funny. Went from hot and heavy to insanely embarrassed. The music stopping abruptly as well. Never fails to make me laugh my ass off. There is so much to love after the kiss as there is with it.

The way they scramble to explain why they were making out is priceless. Stumbling over their words and each other. Lucy trying to explain that this is 'Work' Uh huh. Sure let's call it that. Tim adding on they're going UC. Tamara is bemused to say the least. Telling them they don't have to explain themselves to her. Tim then starts looking desperately for items he didn’t bring LOL Then realizing he has nothing to gather up.

'You know what? No. I didn't bring anything...' LMFAO Flustered Tim Bradford is a joy to watch. Lucy already broke his brain earlier and then destroyed it with that kiss. You know he’s in love because that man doesn’t get flustered easily. He legit doesn’t know what to do with himself. Other than awkwardly retreat from Lucy. He is shook and it’s showing big time.

I love that he’s a complete disaster just from kissing Lucy. This entire scene is iconic and makes me so happy to watch. They awkwardly point at one another. For what reason I couldn't tell you. Other than they don't know what to do with themselves right now. The height of nervous awkwardness has arrived and I’m joyful Haha They’re both so embarrassed and flustered it’s glorious.

Lucy is flaming red after she tells Tim 'G...Good work tonight'. She is mortified she just said that to him after they made out. Tim replies in kind because he is also nervously awkward as he leaves. She can’t even look at him as he makes his hasty exit. Her back is turned to him as he departs and does another dorky finger point. Saying bye to Tamara as he does. Lucy's facial expressions are legit killing me. She then she turns around to face Tamara and it only gets worse.

Lucy has no idea what to say to being caught making out with Tim. Tamara's face in that second gif is hilarious. It's like she's giving Lucy a chance to explain herself further. Wanting to see what she'll come up with. She notices Lucy isn't in the right state of mind for answers. So Tamara saves her further embarrassment and says she’s headed to her room…Bless you. Your pseudo mother needed that LOL

We join Tim in the hallway post all of that mess haha. I once again must commend Eric and his wonderful expressions. He conveys so very much in this moment. It’s the range of emotions he expresses that is so impressive. He just nails it. This is the moment where Tim realizes his feelings for Lucy. Yes she short circuited his brain 100 percent here. But there is far more to this expression than that.

4x21 was Lucy’s epiphany episode. This is Tim’s 'Oh shit I’m in love with Lucy' moment. It’s like he finally has the answer to why he’s always felt the way he’s felt. Why he fought so hard for her not to wash out. Why he said and did things he didn’t totally understand for her. Explaining why he was so protective with her in UC. Why he was ALWAYS happier around her. Just like Lucy it’s hitting him like freight train. His feelings coming sharply into focus.

He goes from broken brain, to realization he’s in love with her, to oh shit I’m in love with my best friend...what am I going to do? The way his eye bug out a little as he comes to this conclusion is everything. That kiss cleared the skies in his brain. He can see clearly now and it scaring him a little. Everything was muddled before and now it’s clear as day. He looks back at her door before he is able to unroot himself from that spot. Tim Bradford is in love with Lucy Chen and it’s just hitting him ❤️

The awkward cuteness continues the next day. Tim is sitting in his truck with his thoughts. Probably having an existential crisis in the process tbh. I bet you he didn't sleep a wink last night either. Probably trapped in his thoughts the entire time. Also he is clearly just waiting for Lucy to appear. Which is pretty damn adorable.

He perks right up when she arrives. Makes me heart so happy actually. Giving me all the feels. He is so adorable waiting on the girl he loves so he can talk to her. They’re both so smitten at this point my heart is gonna implode. She spots him waiting in his truck. Then does her adorkable wave at him when he notices her looking at him. It's so cute I cannot. They’re both so nervous it’s beyond precious.

First off love them matching in colors. I feel this was intentional both being in light blue. Once they reach each other the air is rife with unresolved tension. They cut each other off both wanting to speak. Lucy tells him to go first. You can see Tim desperately wants to clear the air. Be vulnerable about the kiss. We see the hope on Lucy’s face as he struggles to find the words. That he is going to say that kiss unlocked something, that it was more than just a practice kiss etc.

That does seem where he is headed when he started this convo. Then our boy loses his nerve completely. Says they should work more on their backstory …You can see the sheer disappointment on Lucy’s face that he said that instead. Probably wishing she had gone first and not him. It’s ok Tim you’ll gain the courage in 5x08 don’t worry. My little awko tacos. How I love thee.

Phew lord that was daunting to write about and tackle haha The sheer volume of gifs out there for this one are immense. But damn I love their slow burn so very much and adore writing about it. Can’t believe we’re done with s4 what a trip.

~~~

Side notes-non chenford

Nolan had a SL but meh.

The only parts worth mentioning are Nell/Elroy being adorable. And how hilarious it was Pete slept through the entire fight scene for Bailey LOL

Thank you to all the readers been with me on this especially those from the very start. You know who you are :) Your likes, comments and reblogs have been a bright spot in my day shall see you all in S5 woo.

[lemons-bittersweet]

THE OUTSIDERS FROM THE BOOK IN DESCRIPTION.

IM SORRY IF THINGS ARE SPELLED WRONG NOR THE SENTENCES BEING REAL SENTENCES BUT I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO DO ALL OF THAT CURRENTLY

PONYBOY CURTIS- AGE 14- I have light brown almost red hair and greenish-gray eyes I wish they were grayer because I hate most guys that have green eyes but I have to be content with what I have my hair is longer than a lot of boys wear theirs squared off in the back and long in the front and other sides but I'm a greaser most of my neighborhood rather bothers to get a haircut size I look better with long hair I like to watch movies alone so I can get into them and live them with the actors when I see a movie with someone it's kind of uncomfortable it's like having someone read your book over your shoulder I'm different that way I mean my second oldest brother soda who's 16 going around 17 never cracks a book at all and my oldest brother Darrel we call darry works to long and hard to be interested in a story or drawing a picture so I'm not like them and nobody in our gang digs moves and books the way I do for a while there I thought I was the only person in the world that did so I loned it soda tries to understand at least which is more than darry does but then so does different from anybody he understands everything almost like he's never hollering at me at the time of day or he is or treating me as if I was 6 instead of 14 I love soda more than that I have ever loved anyone even mom and dad he's always happy go lucky and grilling while there Dairy's hard and firm and rarely grins at all but then darrys gone through a lot his this 20 years growing up too fast soda will never grow up at all I don't know which way is the best i'll find out one of these days Sodapop Curtis-AGE 16/17- more handsome than Ponyboy knows he's slim but has a friendly draw sensitive face that manages to be reckless and thoughtful at the same time dark gold hair that he comes back long and silky and straight and in summer the sun bleaches into a shining wheat gold eyes are dark brown lively dancing reckless laughing eyes that can be gentle sympathetic one moment and blazing with anger the next he's got his dad's eyes but his is one of a kind. Darrel JR Curtis-AGE 20- 6 feet two inches tall broad shoulders and muscular has dark brown hair that kicks out in front and slight cow lick in the back it's like his dad's but Darry's eyes are his own he's got eyes like two pieces of pale blue-green ice They've got a determined set to him like the rest of him he looks older than 20 tough cool and smart he would be real handsome with his eyes weren't so cold he doesn't understand anything that's not playing hard fact but he uses his head Steve Randle-AGE 17- Tall and lean with sick greasy hair he kept combed in complicated Swirls he was cocky smart and Soda's best buddy since grade school Steve's specialty was cars he could lift a hubcap quicker and more quietly than anyone in the neighborhood but he also knew cars upside down and backward he could drive anything on wheels he and soda worked at the same gas station steve part-time soda full time and the gas station got more customers than any in town whether that was because Steve was so good with cars or because so would attract girls like honey jaws flies

Two-bit (Keith) Mathews- AGE ???- Keith was the oldest of the gang and the wisecracker of the bunch he was about six feet tall stocky built and very proud of his long rusty colored sideburns he had gray eyes and a wide grin and he couldn't stop making funny remarks to save his life you couldn't shut that guy up he always had to get his two bits worth in hence his name even his teachers forgot his real name was Keith we hardly remembered he had one life was one big joke to tube it he was famous for shopping with his black switchblade and he always was smart enough to the cops he really couldn't help it everything he said was so irresistibly funny that he just had to let the police in on it to brighten up their dough lives he liked fighting blondes and from some unfathomable reason school he's still a junior at 18 1/2 he never learned anything he just went for kicks I liked him real well because he kept his laughing at ourselves as well as other things he reminded me of Will Rogers maybe because of the grin Dallas Winston- AGE ???- He had an elfish face with high cheekbones and pointed chin and small sharp animal teeth and ears like a lynx his hair was almost white it was so blonde and he didn't like haircuts or hair oil either so it fell over his forehead and wisps and kicked out in the back and tufts and curled back behind his ears and along the Naples neck his eyes were blue blazing ice cold with hatred of the whole world dally had spent 3 years on the wild side of New York and had been arrested at age 10 he was tougher than the rest of us tougher colder meaner the shade of difference that separates the greases from a hood was a present valley he was wild as the boys downtown outfits like Tim Shepherd's gang in New York dally blew off steam and gang fights but here organized gangs are rarities they're just small bunches of friends who stick together in the welfare is between the social classes of rumble when it's called it's usually born of a grudge fight and the opposite just happened to bring the friends along oh there are few gangs around here like the river kings and the Tiber Street Tigers but in the southwest there's no gang rivalry so Dally even though he could get into a good fight sometimes had no specific thing to hate no rival game only Socials and you can't win against them no matter how hard you try because they've got all the brakes and even wipping them isn't going to change the fact maybe that's why Dallas was so bitter he had quite the reputation in the file and down at the police station he had been arrested he got drunk he rode and rodeo's lied cheated stole rolled drunk jumped small kids he did everything I didn't like it but he was smart and you had to respect him Johnny Cade- AGE 16- If you could picture a little dark puppy that has been kicked too many times and it's lost in a crowd of strangers you'll have Johnny he was the youngest next to me smaller than the rest with a slight build he had big black eyes and a dark tan face his hair was jet black and heavily greased and combed to the side but it was so long that it fell into shaggy bangs across his forehead he had a nervous suspicious look in his eyes and that beating he got from the socialist didn't help matters he was the gang's pet everyone's kid brother his father was always beating him up and his mother ignored him except when she was hacking off his something and then you could hear yelling at him clear down at our house I think he hated that the worst getting whipped he would have run a million times if we hadn't been there and if he hadn't been gang Johnny would have never known love and affection are.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Life Cycles

Read on Ao3 Masterlist

*banging pots and pans together* WAKE UP ASSHOLES ETHAN WINTERS IS BACK IN ALL HIS MOLDED GLORY AND YES WE ARE HERE FOR IT TO BE OUR PROBLEMS (special shout out to @justanormiewhoreads and @gigi-the-bear because yes this is sort of for you two specifically ^-^)

Eveline is back because i love her and she deserves to be

Chris Leon Rose and Ethan are about to become the world's most awkward family of BOWs and anti-BOW operatives and I'm about to make that your problem

(mia's not in this one sorry but she'll have her time too i promise)

((also for further down the pipeline i need you all to start getting excited about the Winters roasting the absolute SHIT out of Resident Edgelord Albert Wesker bc I had this image of Rose calling him a Matrix reject to his face and couldn't stop laughing for about an hour so i need you guys to laugh with me))

Warnings: disarming (hah) bc it's ethan but also bc it's ethan he's fine 2 seconds later

Pairings: implied/hinted winterfield

Word Count: 10,170

The first time he talks to Eveline, really actually talks, is right after he 'dies' from his 'injuries' from the battle with Miranda. Yes, the quotes are necessary, because if he doesn't put them there, he does dangerous things like thinking he's alive and has a body that can get up and go find his daughter and give her a big, huge, actual hug because he's sad, goddammit, that he can't do that because he's not alive.

Anyway. Miranda. 'Dying.' Rose being the best thing in the whole world and a fucking badass and then still being his baby girl, holding his hand to her cheek as the world turned to glowing white motes of light around them.

He remembers being in pain, drained in the way that came from trying to do too much on too little that he's gotten used to after Dulvey. He remembers being happy that he got to see his daughter, even if only for a little bit, and that he could tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her, how proud she makes him every single day. He remembers watching her fade away, feeling the warmth of her touch grow cold, and closing his eyes. Who knew, if Miranda could die some final death in here, maybe he could too.

Alas, if there was one thing he could count on when the world went to shit, it was that the universe was determined that he wouldn't stay dead. He has a vague memory of some priest telling him that being able to wake up after an awful night was God's way of telling you He loved you and a much less vague memory of thinking that if God really did love him, he'd better not pull that shit anymore. But Ethan's religious days were behind him—quite a long way behind him—and the only God he believes in now doesn't exist.

He drags himself up off the cold, flat plains, grimacing at the slime congealing on his palms. There are not enough towels in this hellscape to make it leave completely, or any towels at all, so he wipes them on his pants as best he can and looks around. He's actually managed to stay manifested, which is not something he'd expected, so maybe there's something worth exploring down here. He picks a direction and starts to walk. Fog roils around him and he suppresses a shudder. Black mold runs along the ground in rivulets like some great beast bleeding out over the plains and he does his best to stick to the drier parts, picking his way along the ground until he comes to a wider river. A quick glance up and down shows not much in the way of a bridge or even a drier spot, and testing his luck with the depth doesn't sound like the smartest idea.

He's about to turn around and try the other direction when he hears a quiet sound coming from just out of sight to his left. He pauses, tilting his head. No, that's—that's definitely someone crying.

His first thought is that Rose got stuck. Maybe she was on her way back to the real world and something went wrong. Maybe he fucked up by giving her his power and tied her here somehow. But even as he starts toward her—fatherly instincts have his body moving before he registers it—he knows that's not true. Rose doesn't sound like that when she cries. He knows it.

But then who else could it be?

The answer comes to him too slowly and too quickly all at once. Eveline. That's Eveline crying. It's the same he heard from up in that recreation of the Beneviento House, after she'd thrown her tantrum at Rose and worn herself out, collapsing on her knees and sobbing that no one loved her. Something in his chest tugs at that—no child, no matter who they were, should ever feel uncertain about being loved.

Granted, this child was a genetically engineered bioweapon that ruined innocent lives and made his life a living hell, but still. Ethan likes to think that he's retained enough of his own sense of self to know that he still believes in silly little things like compassion.

He keeps walking along the riverbank, trying to follow the sound, but it keeps being thrown about in the fog. One second it sounds like it's coming from vaguely in front of him, the next it's behind him, then across the river, then right behind him, then in front of him again. Still, there's a tug in his gut as he keeps moving forward, some invisible tether leading him right to Eveline. He pushes the fear about that particular revelation aside in favor of crying child, find the crying child.

Bleeding heart, get him killed, too soft, too sensitive, blah, blah, blah. He died in 2017, that isn't exactly sticking. He'll take his bleeding heart, thanks.

It's almost anticlimactic when he finds her. Sure enough, she's huddled in a ball on the edge of the river, her waders pulled high up her legs, her hands tangled in her filthy skirts. He stops a good distance away—just because he cares doesn't mean he's not wary, after all—and crouches slightly.

"Eveline?"

Her head whips around. She stares at him with wide eyes, mouth open slightly. He holds out a hand.

"I'm not going to—'

"Back off!"

He winces when a wave of her telekenetic power slams into him, but it's weaker than he remembers. He holds his ground, hand still raised. "I'm not here to hurt you, Eveline."

"Leave me alone! Get away from me!" She grabs a handful of the mold and throws it at him, her power making it splatter across his face. "I hate you!"

Now, the smart thing to do would be to leave. Eveline is telling him in no uncertain terms that she wants to be left alone. He should not be confronting a bioweapon this powerful like this. Everyone he knows, he's sure, Chris, Mia, the rest of Chris's soldiers, hell, even Rose, they would tell him to leave.

But the smart thing to do would also not be to go get his wife in a tiny town in Louisiana off one email after she'd been presumed dead for three years, and that ship sailed years ago. Literally.

So, Ethan Winters does what he does best, and sets his jaw. "I'm not gonna leave you, Eveline."

To his—and her—surprise, she hesitates before she throws the next bit of mold. He stays there, crouched on the ground, just watching her. Her eyes narrow.

"Why? What do you want?"

"You were crying."

"Shut up!" She throws it again, but it's even weaker. "That doesn't matter! You're so dumb, can't you just leave me alone?"

"Why were you crying?"

"Stupid Rose ruined everything! She came in here and made everything worse and now it's all ruined!"

He bites back the instinctive don't call my daughter stupid. "What did she ruin?"

"Everything!"

"The house? The mold? Miranda? I don't understand."

"You're so dumb. You didn't know you were dead, or that you were made of mold. Of course you don't understand."

"Then help me understand." He takes a seat on the cold, damp ground as Eveline eyes him trepidatiously. "What did she ruin, Eveline?"

She glares at him for another few seconds before looking away, eyes on the river of black mold. "She wasn't supposed to come here. I was supposed to go out there."

Cold chills shoot down Ethan's spine. "You…you want to go back?"

"Obviously. It sucks here. I don't want to be trapped here for the rest of my life. I want to go back out there. Miranda always thought she was so smart, that she could just use the mold to make her stupid daughter come back but she was stupid too. That's not how it works. She's not mold, she can't make it do anything."

"And you can?"

Eveline glares at him again. "I'm the smart one. I'm the strong one. I can do anything! My powers are so much better than Rose's. All she can do is shoot and dodge. I can make things just by thinking about them, I can control the mold more than Miranda and Rose ever could. Obviously I can do it better."

Okay. This was fine. This was totally fine. This is a perfectly normal thing to say, there was no reason for him to panic, this is fine.

"…so what did Rose ruin?"

Eveline doesn't say anything. Instead, she stands up and disappears into the ground. Ethan sighs, burying his face in his hands. Great. He's trapped here with the remnant of the child bioweapon responsible for his death and the rest of his misery. And he's just learned she wants to go back.

This is fine.

***

"We don't know what we're going to find," Chris barks as the rest of the team lines up next to the already whirring chopper, "so be prepared for anything. We start at the north end of the village, then work our way—"

"Chris," Leon interrupts, nodding to something over his shoulder. He turns.

Rosemary Winters is striding towards them across the runway. Several agents are staring at her and Chris swallows heavily. She looks pissed. He can't really blame her.

"Rose—"

"I'll fucking break your nose, Redfield." She doesn't even break stride as she marches right past him and onto the chopper. The rest of the squad just moves out of her way.

He doesn't blame them either.

Leon slaps him on the shoulder as they follow her in, strapping in for takeoff. With only a moment's hesitation, he sits right next to her, Leon on her other side. She's staring straight ahead, still glaring, but her fingers are trembling ever so slightly. As soon as they're in the air and he's pretty sure no one except Leon will notice, he takes her hand in his and holds it tight.

If she notices his fingers trembling too, she doesn't say anything.

***

Eveline isn't too fond of it when he figures out he can talk to Rose the same way he could when she was in the upper stratum. It takes a lot of focus. So much so that when he comes out of talking to Rose about her new room decorations—really, he's half convinced if he could harness the outrage at the thought of his daughter being in basically a cell for most of her life, he'd be out of here in no time—he actually has to take a second to register that his hand is missing again.

Then he realizes that his hand is missing again and screams.

"Oh, shut up," comes a grumble to his right and his severed hand hits him in the face, "don't be such a big baby."

He puts his hand back on quickly—and doesn't think about the fact that he can just do that—and glares at Eveline, who doesn't look the least bit repentant. She crosses her arms, tapping her foot. "Why did you do that?"

"You weren't listening to me. I had to get your attention."

"So you cut off my hand?"

She shrugs. "You didn't even feel it and it's not like it matters here. You're fine, see?"

"That's not the point! Don't just cut my hand off!"

"How else am I supposed to get your attention when you're doing your stupid glassy-eyed staring thing?"

"Wait for me to be done? Does that sound reasonable to you?" Eveline just scowls and he sighs. "What did you want?"

She scuffs the toe of her boot along the moldy ground. "You promised to go on a walk with me."

That's right—they'd started going on walks together. Once they established that trying to kill each other wouldn't do anything—they were already both dead and any damage Eveline did to Ethan he'd just heal anyway—they'd started just…walking around. No talking necessary, no actual sense of companionship, but there was only so much to do in the mold flatlands, so…walking it was.

"And you couldn't wait until I was done?"

Eveline's face darkens. "You promised we'd go soon. Then you started doing the dumb staring thing—"

"That 'dumb staring thing' is me talking to my daughter."

"—exactly, the dumb staring thing, and when you do that, you go away for a long time and you promised we'd go soon." She nods her head like she's won a great debate. "So. Now we can go."

He sighs, looking down at his hand. It still moves as good as it ever did, and it's not like he can die of blood loss in here, so he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Next time, just tug on my sleeve or something? Unless that didn't work?"

"I tried that. I tried shouting at you too. You didn't react to anything until I cut off your hand, but I don't think that really worked either. Maybe I should try—"

"Maybe we should figure out a way for you to get my attention without hurting me," he interrupts as they start walking along the river. She scoffs.

"Nothing hurts in here. They're not real bodies. They're just mold."

"I was 'just mold' for years and let me tell you, things definitely still hurt."

"But you were out there—" Eveline waves a hand at the sky— "that's different. That doesn't count."

He ignores that for now. "Things still hurt in here too, Eveline."

"No, they don't." He frowns, before reaching out a hand. She glares at it as it moves closer. "What are you doing?"

"Can I touch you?"

"No. Gross. Why?"

"I want to know if you can feel things."

"Don't be an idiot, of course I can feel things." He stops walking. Eveline huffs and stamps her foot again. "Why are you being extra stupid today?"

"Humor me. Sometimes I have days where I need to be extra stupid. If you help me, I'll stop needing to be extra stupid faster."

"Fine." She stomps back over to him. "What do you want to do, just touch me?"

"Close your eyes."

"Why, so you can stab me?"

"What? No, why would I do that? I think between the two of us, you're the stabbier one."

"You already stabbed me! Then you killed me!"

Oh. Oh, yeah, he…he did do that, didn't he? Granted, it was with a toxin and not a knife, but stabbing most definitely did happen and he was the one that did it.

Eveline scoffs again. "What, don't tell me you forgot how you killed me."

"I…I'm not going to stab you. I want to see if you can tell when I'm touching you, that's all."

"Gross."

"Just hold your hand out, okay?" He holds his out to as a peace offering. "Hold my hand."

"This is stupid." But she does it. "There, I'm holding your hand. I can tell I'm holding your hand. Are you happy now? Can you stop being stupid?"

"Now leave your hand there and close your eyes." She grumbles under her breath as he lets go but keeps her hand there and closes her eyes. "Okay. You can open them again when you feel me grab your hand, okay?"

"I'm not an idiot, I get it."

"Okay, okay."

He waits for a few seconds, just to see if she'll actually listen to him or if she's just going to call him stupid and keep going on their walk. Granted, he's not exactly sure why he's doing this either. He never was the scientist between them, but he does have a bit too much curiosity for his own good. Slowly, he reaches out and takes Eveline's hand in his.

She doesn't move. Doesn't open her eyes.

Her hand is small. Too small. Her fingers are cold, a little sticky, but not from the mold. He has the impulse to rub his thumb along her knuckles to warm her up, so he does. Back and forth, back and forth. He keeps waiting for her eyes to open.

They don't.

Something terribly, terribly sad settles in his chest and for the first time since arriving here, he feels a little bit cold.

"Are you gonna get on with it already?" She shifts her weight. "I'm getting bored."

"Eveline," he says, far too gently.

"What?" She cracks one eye open and sees his hand in hers, his thumb rubbing across her knuckles. Her eyes go wide, her breath comes out in a big rush, and then she rips her hand away from him. "Don't do that again!"

His arm stays outstretched, even as she turns away from him, hunching her shoulders. She takes several deep breaths, each a little shakier than the last.

"I don't want to walk with you today," she declares, and disappears.

His hand tingles with the memory of her cold little fingers in his, aching tenderly.

***

They land on a cliff face high above the wreckage of the village. Leon winces at the bite of the cold air, tugging his jacket closer to himself as Chris barks orders to the rest of the squad. They fan out and start moving. Working with Chris is as seamless as ever, except that there's an unarmed teenager standing by the helicopter still.

"Rose, on me."

"Coming." She trots over and slips in behind them. He moves closer as Chris edges slightly in front. "Sorry. Got distracted."

"Stay focused. This isn't a drill."

"I know."

He sees Chris's hands tense slightly and glances at Rose. He drops back a little more to keep her in between them. She notices and her mouth twitches but she doesn't say anything. They move through the forest, down a snowy slope, into a thicker grove of trees.

"Any idea where we might need to look?"

"Sensors picked up something near the detonation site, not far off from where the Megamycete used to be. Chances are it's nothing, but if—"

"Look out!"

Leon's gun aims at the tree line as a massive cracking sound rips through the air. If Rose had yanked Chris back half a second later, he'd be at the bottom of the gorge that their cliff just collapsed into. They all stand there, panting heavily, until their comms start chirping. Everyone's alright, no one got caught or was injured.

"We'll need to head back. Further along the mountain there's a safer way down."

"No." Rose stares off into the trees for a second. "There's an old bridge over here that will take us to the outskirts of the castle."

"How do you know?"

"The mold's everywhere in the ground here. I can…I can feel it."

Well, that's a great start to anything if you ask Leon. Chris is clearly working through the same issue before he sighs, pats her gently on the shoulder, and motions for her to stay behind him. She does, but there's a furrow in her brow that wasn't there before.

"Hey," he calls quietly, and she turns to him, "stay focused, remember? Need you to help me haul Redfield back from anymore collapsing cliffs."

"I heard that."

***

Eveline doesn't talk to him for—well, he'd say for a few days but time's weird here. It bothers him more than it should. He tries to find her, but she wasn't lying when she said she understood the mold way better than he did, and he might as well be wandering around with a blindfold and earplugs for all the success he has.

Then he has a fight with Rose and he spends hours silently pleading for her to look and see how sorry he is. It takes everything in him to keep those words there, to keep himself aware enough to be there. Everything narrows down to the dusty floorboards, the sound of Rose sobbing, the thump-thump of her heartbeat. Nothing else in the world matters, could matter, nothing except for the part of him he's pushing through the mold to write out i'm sorry rose.

Rose forgives him. He forgives her. Of course he does, she's his daughter. She asks him to stay until she falls asleep and he does, glowing from the floor until her heart rate slows and he finally, finally sinks back into the mold flatlands.

And blinks, because Eveline is sitting there, holding his hand.

"He—"

"You were gone a long time," she says bluntly, "I thought you were really dead."

He swallows. His throat is dry. Is he lying down? "I'm back now."

Her mouth twists. She looks down at their hands. Her fingers are clumsily clutching his, hers too-white against his slimy, slightly moldy ones. The chill still surprises him but he swallows it—with difficultly.

"Thank you for not cutting my hand off."

"I didn't know it hurt you."

"Can—can you feel this?" He squeezes her fingers. "Does that hurt?"

"No, it doesn't hurt." Her mouth twists again. "I know I'm holding your hand, but it—it's like I remember it."

He pushes himself to an elbow, wincing at the strain in his body. He really overdid it this time, not that he's surprised. "You feel cold to me."

"I do?"

"Like a little ice cube."

"I remember being cold," she says, and now she actually sounds like a child, reminiscing about something, "the ship was really cold. The house—the house was nice and warm, though."

"The Baker House?"

"Yeah. D—Jack brought me upstairs and tucked me into bed. It was so soft."

He rubs his thumb over her knuckles before the thinks better of it. Her fingers twitch but she doesn't pull away. He pushes himself up until he's sitting next to her, still holding her hand. "Romania was cold. Really cold. I was worried I was gonna get frostbite."

"The mold wouldn't have let you. You would've just healed from it."

"Oh."

"It's really good at staying in shapes. That's why Miranda was so powerful here and why she could make copies of Rose and the Duke and the dolls."

"And why you and I are here?"

Eveline shifts, bringing her knees up to her chest. "We're—we're different. Rose is different too. They made me from the mold, just like she was made from the mold."

"Uh—" Is he going to have to explain to Eveline how babies are made?

"You were mold already when you made her, stupid."

"But then what does that make me? I wasn't made from the mold, not originally."

Eveline's face pinches, but she doesn't look mad. She squeezes his hand and he squeezes back out of reflex. "You're…complicated."

He can't help but chuckle. "I think that's the first time anyone's ever called me complicated."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've always been pretty boring. I had a decent childhood, a boring job…I wasn't anything special, just a simple, boring person."

"You're not boring."

"Hey," he says, lightly bumping her shoulder with his elbow, "I think that was almost a compliment."

"Shut up. You're boring sometimes."

He laughs again. They're still holding hands. The black river gurgles next to them. After a while, Eveline looks up at him again. "What?"

"You weren't supposed to come back."

"In Dulvey?"

She nods. "Jack killed you and you were supposed to come back to life, but you weren't supposed to come back."

That's…not what he was expecting to hear. "I thought you brought me there so Mia and I could be your parents. Why do that just to have Jack kill me?"

Her face twists up again and before she can pull away, he grabs her other hand. She flinches a little but settles, refusing to look at him. Her jaw clenches.

"She wanted you," she spits out, "I thought—I thought—never mind. This is stupid."

"It's not stupid, Eveline. If it matters to you—"

"It doesn't!" She rips her hands away and stands up. "It doesn't matter anymore, all of them are gone. You shouldn't spend so much time staring like that, you'll get hurt and then I'll have no one to walk with me. We're walking soon."

She's gone before he can say another word. He sighs, wincing as he gets to his feet. Christ, he feels like he's gone ten rounds with Chris on a bad day, and then some. Maybe he did overdo it this time—okay, okay, he definitely did, but Rose was upset. What was he supposed to do, leave? Not likely.

Okay. So. Rose and Eveline, the same when it comes to the mold. Sort of. On some level. Him, not the same. Complicated. Not supposed to be him, whatever that meant. Something to do with Mia. Doesn't everything at this point come back to that? Not for the first time, he wonders what his life would be like if he hadn't married Mia, and then quickly decides not to pursue that train of thought. Wouldn't lead anywhere good.

Almost unconsciously, he turns to look at the black river, watching it ooze its way along the flat, icy, muddy, moldy ground. He kicks a clump of it over. It sticks to his boot. The faint smell of rotting plants meets his nose. He wonders if that's just a memory from Louisiana, or if it's actually here. If Eveline couldn't feel things, it made sense that maybe he didn't have all of his senses either.

Speaking of complicated…he has no clue when he started to care about Eveline, and he doesn't really know what to do with this knowledge now that he has it. Eveline is a child, yes, but still a bioweapon, still unrepentant about what she did, still would very much ruin his life if she had the chance, probably. But they're both stuck here, and from the looks of it, they're not really going anywhere anytime soon.

And she had…changed.

He looks down at his hand. How long had she been holding it before he came back here? Had she debated cutting it off instead? And if she did think he was really dead, like she said, why was she still sitting there, holding his hand?

The way she talked about the warmth of the Baker house, the way she almost called Jack 'Dad,' the way she talked about being tucked into bed…he has a sudden flash of memory of being tormented in the Beneviento House, chased by the giant baby monster, and nearly breaking down all over the Duke as soon as he was out of there. Because yeah, that thing had been absolutely terrifying, but the worst part was that it was so sad. It reached into some deep part of him, the part that was screaming over carrying his daughter around in flasks, the part the was mourning his wife—or so he thought—and he had the equally terrifying urge to try and comfort it. It was a near thing, not sobbing in front of the Duke, because it seemed so lonely and so scared and so, so sad, and Ethan knew what that felt like.

He looks off toward the river again and pats his pockets. When he goes to meet Eveline for their walk, he holds out a pair of gloves. She eyes them like they're a dead animal.

"What are those for?"

"Your hands. If you get cold."

"I can't feel it, dummy," even as she takes them. She pulls them on and grumbles: "they don't even fit right."

"You don't have to wear them."

She glares at him like he's an idiot and turns on her heel, beginning to walk along the river. He follows, easily catching up. They walk in silence for a while. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches her playing with the empty parts of the too-big fingers. He says nothing about it.

"I'm keeping these," she announces when they've walked far enough that day, "you aren't getting them back."

"You're welcome."

"Shut up," but it's said a little quieter than usual.

***

The ground feels like it's tingling under her boots. She's trying to focus, she really is, but it's hard when it feels like she's walking on a constantly vibrating…thing. Every now and then she has to give herself a shake before Chris or Leon can call her out on it, but she's pretty sure they're noticing anyway.

"Hey," Leon says quietly when Chris responds to someone over comms, "you doing okay?"

"I'm fine. Just…feels weird."

"What does?"

"The ground. It's like it's humming or something."

"Well, if it sounds like it's gonna bust out old show tunes, you give us a heads-up, deal?"

She huffs a laugh. "Not like that. Like it's—okay, you know how those old video game controllers would like, rumble when you got close to stuff in-game?"

"Jeez, kid, you're making me feel like I'm ancient over here."

"We are ancient," Chris grunts, "at least in this game. What about them, Rose?"

"It sort of feels like it's trying to…guide me somewhere."

Both of them stop, turning to look at her. She rolls her eyes.

"Not in a bad way, it doesn't feel like Miranda or anything is doing it on purpose. But it's a living thing, it's…living. It's reacting."

They exchange another one of those glances. "You let us know if it changes in any way, okay?"

"Sure."

"Come on. Umber Eyes says there's a building up ahead where we can rest for a minute."

***

Something weird is happening, and for Ethan, that's saying something. He's started…feeling things. Not like how he and Rose can share feelings if he's talking to her, but he's able to…feel things. It takes him less time than he'd care to admit to bring it up with Eveline.

"You're the main Host now, so it makes sense."

He blinks. And blinks again. "I'm the what?"

She rolls her eyes, looking up from where she's fiddling with the gloves—he tries not to be too proud at how much she likes them. "You're the mold's last body, or last hope of a body. Your thing is being able to heal yourself from pretty much anything, and you weren't actually super destroyed when you set the bomb off. So you're the main Host."

"But I'm…dead."

"Yeah, and? The Black God doesn't care."

"The black what?"

"God, you are stupid. Don't you pay attention?"

"I've had other things to worry about, okay?"

"Yeah, like Rose." She's caught on to the fact that he doesn't like it when she refers to Rose as his 'stupid daughter,' but that doesn't mean she suddenly likes her. "The Black God. The thing that's in charge. The fungal root that ate the bodies of the people in the village. It wants to live, obviously, but it's weak now because you and Rose killed Miranda so well, so now it's trying to get out."

"Through…me?" Eveline shrugs. "Wait, wait, but does that mean that it could steal my body? Is this what you meant by saying I wasn't supposed to come back?"

"I don't know everything," she snaps, "I just know more than you. I don't know what it wants, it's not like I can ask it. I can just feel it moving. Is that what you're feeling?"

"Not really. It's more—it's more like I can feel a bunch of things moving. Like there are bugs crawling on me but they don't feel like bugs."

Eveline goes quiet for a moment, staring off into space. One of the gloves falls into her lap with a low smacking sound.

"What is it?"

"Bugs," she says under her breath, "she liked the bugs."

Ah. Right. Marguerite Baker's 'gift' from Eveline, also known as why Ethan has a personal relationship with many pesticides now. He stays quiet, though, watching Eveline think. After a while, he gently prompts her: "did you choose what gifts to give them?"

Eveline shrugs. "They sort of…took it for themselves."

"How do you mean?"

"The mold is weird. It wants you but it wants you to want it too, so it…tries to give you want you want. Sort of. Jack got to be strong to protect his family."

"Why did Marguerite get bugs, then?"

"I don't know. I don't know what she wanted. Just like I don't know what Rose wants." She sneaks a glance up at him. "Or what you want."

Ethan falls quiet. He thinks about Louisiana, about finding Mia, about losing her all over again in Romania, about Rose, about dying again and again and again. He looks down at Eveline, still watching him expectantly.

"I wanted to live," he says, as quiet as the black river.

"…oh." After a moment, she shuffles close enough to press against his side. "That's not a stupid thing to want."

"I'm glad you think so."

She's cold, pressed up against him. She's still playing with the gloves. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, looking at the river. They're sitting on one of the less moldy parts of the bank, watching the flow of it through the fog. It's almost warm in the weird, grey, not-sunlight.

"What did you mean, when you said they felt like bugs but not bugs?"

"Bugs skitter. These sort of feel like they're…walking."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Like—like people walking?"

"Sometimes. Normally not, though. They're too small."

"But like—do you feel like the ground?"

"Huh?"

"The ground. Like if a bunch of things were walking on you at once, and you could feel all of them."

He thinks. Then he thinks some more. Then he nudges her shoulder with his. "Look at you, smarty-pants."

"I told you I was smart," she preens, and he laughs and she grins. Then he holds out his hand, palm up, and she stops smiling. "What?"

"Wanna help me figure out what's going on with me?"

"Really?"

He shrugs. "Unless you just wanna go on walks forever."

She looks at the river, then at his hand. She drops one of the gloves into her lap and reaches back. Her hand is still cold, but she squeezes. "What should we do first?"

"Well," he sighs as he looks around, "we should probably figure out a bit more about where exactly we are. I know we can get to different strata, and we can manifest stuff if we're strong enough, but how far does that go? Can we just…make anything? Is there anyone else here?"

"You have so many questions," she accuses, "how 'm I supposed to know?"

"Our questions now. We're in this together."

Eveline looks at him for a long second before she's yanking him up and away from the river. He gives a small shout of surprise when his arm is nearly torn out of his socket, but he follows her until they reach a flatter part of the plains and she drops it.

"Make something."

"What?"

"Make something." She folds her arms. "Go on. You need to get a better grasp of how the mold works? Make something with it."

You're as bad as Chris, he thinks but doesn't say, and closes his eyes. Concentrates. Pictures something in his hands and when he opens them, there's Rose's little stuffed monkey, right there in front of him. For a moment it's almost like he's in their house, in Romania, he's holding Rose in one arm and playing with the monkey in the other—

"Why'd you make that?"

Eveline's voice jolts him from his reverie. He sighs, cradling the little plush thing in his hands. "It's the thing I think about the most."

"The monkey? Or Rose?"

"Both, I guess. This was…" he has to pause to swallow, "this was the last moment where I thought everything was gonna be okay. Something was wrong with Mia, Rose was—she'd just read this creepy story, and all I wanted to do was hold onto Rose and—"

He sighs.

"No use thinking about that now, I suppose," he says quietly and the monkey fades from view right before his eyes. "Sorry. I'll, uh, I'll make something else."

Eveline's suspiciously quiet. She doesn't even call him stupid. She just kicks some of the frozen mud and waits. He pauses, brow furrowing, before deciding this is something he can ask her about later. He strays away from the guns, the first aid bottles, the white sage, trying for something else, something from him, something that might help him understand the mold better…

…and when he opens his eyes, he's holding a tiny notebook.

"What's that for?"

"When I was a kid, my mom used to get me little notebooks and drawing pads for me to keep in my pockets. Apparently, I had a problem with daydreaming and stuff, so she thought that if I had a place to put all of them, they wouldn't stay in my head so much and I could…I dunno, focus or whatever." He snorts. "I remember I used to write down stories or draw made-up creatures and refuse to show them to anyone."

"Like having a diary?"

"Sort of." He flips it over and to his surprise, there's his writing. His horrible, scratchy, imperfect writing, but this isn't a story he would've written when he was that young. No, this is…this is…

Eveline edges closer. "What's wrong? You look upset."

"It's…it's what I would've done," he mumbles, eyes still transfixed by the story on the too-small pages, "when I was upset, I'd write…I'd write how I wish it would've gone. This is—it's the story I would've told myself if this happened to me when I was a kid."

"I told you," she says, "it wants you to want it, so it tries to give you what it thinks you want. Do…do you want that story?"

There's a hesitance in her voice that makes him look up. She's not meeting his gaze anymore. He looks back at the pages. "I don't think so."

"Really? Isn't it better than what actually happened?"

"Yeah, but it's not—it's not me."

"What do you mean, it's not you? Aren't you the simple boring guy?"

"Hey," he says, lightly shoving her. She barely reacts. "It's—oh, god, how do I put this? That story would be nice, yeah, but it'd get…me. This version of me from my messed-up story. The version of me that had all the awful stuff happen to me."

"So?"

"So, I wouldn't know what to do. I need to—god, I didn't think I'd ever talk about my marriage problems with you of all people, but I needed to talk about Louisiana." Is he having second thoughts about spilling this information to Eveline? Maybe, but that's a problem for later him. "Mia wanted to pretend like it never happened, and I couldn't do that. So if I got—if I were in that story, where it didn't happen there, I might—I think it'd make me crazy."

He looks down at the notebook and concentrates. After a moment, the pages shimmer and go blank. He holds it up for her to see.

"There, that's better."

"I guess."

He frowns at her sudden lack of enthusiasm, putting the notebook in his pocket—it fits perfectly. "Your turn."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You make something."

"I'm not the one who needs to practice," she says mulishly.

"So show me how it's done."

She glares at the ground—at the ground, not even at him, they've made more progress than he thought—before she holds out her hand and a pencil appears. She thrusts it at him without looking up. "You forgot to make something to write with."

"Thank you."

"Shut up."

"Most people just say 'you're welcome,' but I get what you mean." He laughs when she glares at him. "What else should I be practicing?"

***

They reach the building and duck inside. Chris checks his tablet and the team reports in: nothing yet. Leon's doing the least subtle once-over of Rose he's ever seen the man do and Rose holds out her arms and turns around until he shakes his head with a huff. Chris glances outside and catches sight of what used to be a lycan's arm crushed under a mountain of rubble.

"We need to keep moving."

They get back outside and down into the remnants of a street before Rose suddenly stops.

"Rose? You okay?"

"Rose," Leon calls, shaking her shoulder, "Rose!"

"There's someone over there," she whispers, and both of them immediately close ranks, guns at the ready.

"Where?"

"Up around the corner. I—I don't know what they're doing here."

"Stay behind me, stay quiet."

Out of all the things he was expecting, the truly massive man sitting in the back of a wagon was not one of them.

"Ah, there you are," he says, clapping his hands as though they're old friends coming to dinner, "I was beginning to think you'd lost your way."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Please, call me the Duke."

***

"You're crying."

Ethan blinks. He's been with Rose and Chris again—god, he actually talked to Chris, and Rose, and he's overdone it, he's tired, so tired, but Eveline is sitting next to him—he's lying down, when did he lie down again?—and he's crying?

He swipes at his face with the hand that she's not holding and it comes away wet. "Oh. Huh. Look at that."

His voice is all shaky too. Eveline just keeps squeezing his hand every few seconds, the gesture unpracticed and uncertain, but terribly endearing. He lets out another shuddering breath and makes himself sit up. She grabs onto his shoulder with her other hand.

"Thanks."

"What happened? Is Rose—are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Rose is fine too. She, um…" He puts a hand to his head to try and dull the pain. "Something upsetting happened to her and it went…it went really badly."

"Was she hurt?"

"Sort of. There was this guy that was supposed to help train her and he just ended up making a huge mess…he made Rose really upset and then everyone overreacted—"

"'Cause Rose is a bioweapon."

"…yeah." He decides to leave out the part where the thing that made Rose really angry was the implication that it was Chris's fault he was dead. "I wanted to tell her that it was gonna be okay."

"But she is a bioweapon," Eveline says, and it says something that she's not spitting it or holding it smugly over his head, "she's not…no one's going to like her."

"Chris likes her. The rest of his team like her."

"Well, yeah, but they have to."

He frowns. "They don't have to. I mean—I think they have to 'cause I'm biased, but there's nothing that says they have to like her."

"But you gave Rose to Chris. That means he has to like her."

"I certainly hoped he would—he seemed to like her enough already whenever he came over, but there wasn't—Chris Redfield is a lot of things, but he's stubbornly loyal." He sighs. "I may have…taken advantage of that."

"So he does have to like her."

Thank god she didn't ask more about that, because he has no idea what the fuck he'd say to it. "He was obligated to take care of her, but I think he likes her outside of that too."

"But you don't know."

"I'm pretty sure. Like, 95% sure."

Eveline goes quiet while he focuses on getting himself back in this version of his body. It takes less time than he expects, mainly because he hasn't done this since that first night where he really overdid it, but also because he and Eveline have been practicing more. The pain fades almost immediately but the fatigue sticks around. Ah, well, can't win them all. He settles back more comfortably, bringing Eveline's hand down by his knee, watching the black river.

"Why were you crying?"

"Because I miss them."

"But they're—" she cuts herself off before she can finish. He frowns, squeezing her hand.

"But they're what?"

"They're happy without you. They're fine. They don't need you. Why would you miss them?"

He tilts his head. "She's—Rose is my daughter."

"You keep saying that like it means something."

"It does! She's my—she's my child. I love her, everything I did—I did it for her. I died for her, so many times, and I fought to keep her safe, to make sure she had the best chance at life she could. And yeah, I'm sad that I can't be there for her now when she does need me."

"But she doesn't need you," Eveline insists, the confusion in her voice the only thing keeping his heart from tearing out of his chest, "she has Chris."

He takes a deep breath. "You're right," he says, as much as it pains him, "she might not need me, but she—she wants me in her life still."

"Chris doesn't want you."

"Eveline," he croaks, and she looks away with something like guilt in her expression.

"He doesn't," and her voice is quieter now, "he…he told you that. Why…how can you miss him when he doesn't want or need you?"

He's quiet for a long time, playing the conversation he just had with Chris over and over in his head. Chris—Christopher fucking Redfield muffling his tears in a pillow as Ethan pushed words through it, if he hadn't literally just been there, he's not sure he would've believed it himself.

You should be here, Chris had mumbled, not me. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It should've been me, Ethan, you—god, you deserve so much fucking better.

And he thinks about what it was like after Louisiana, in Romania, and about how there were three things that hurt the most since his life went to hell. One was when Mia cut his hand off with a chainsaw. One was when he discovered he was holding his baby daughter's head in a flask. And one was when Christopher fucking Redfield punched him in the goddamn face.

"I needed him," he says eventually, "there was a time where I really…really needed him. And he wasn't—he didn't—what I needed him to be and what he was capable of being weren't the same thing."

He's crying again. Eveline shuffles closer after a pause, pressing against his side. She's squeezing his hand tightly now, not saying a word. He sniffles, wipes his nose and wipes his hand on his pants. He's not going to think about this now. Not while he's still a mess from talking with Rose and Chris, not when he's coming the closest to talking about whatever the fuck happened with that whole mess with Eveline, of all people. You don't dump that sort of shit on a kid, not if you're Ethan Winters.

"I'm sorry for crying."

"Don't be sorry for crying, that's stupid."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"I wish…" She trails off for a moment, then her head touches his shoulder. "I wish they could've been who you needed them to be and who you wanted them to be."

He thinks about it for a moment before letting his head rest on hers. "Yeah. I wish that were true too. Do you want to go for a walk?"

"No. I want to sit here."

The with you goes unsaid, but it warms his chest all the same. They sit in the quiet for a long while, watching the black river go by.

"Do you think I could do the same thing you can?"

"What's that?"

"Reach them. Up there."

He lets out a long breath. "I don't know. I still don't really know what part of my powers are letting me do that. I'm sure you could figure it out, smarty-pants—" here he feels her smile, just a little— "but I don't know. Are you—you're in the mold through you, right?"

She twists to look up at him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"Well—Miranda was copied by the Black God, right? Then she made the Masked Duke and all that, the dude who lured Rose in to begin with. But you—are you here because of you?"

Eveline looks back down, frowning. She reaches out with her other hand and touches the frozen mold-mud. She slowly shakes her head back and forth. "It's…it's messy."

"How is it messy?"

"Feel it."

He reaches down to touch it too. It's slimy, yeah, but it feels the same way all the other mold feels. Just sort of gross. "I don't get it."

"I'm not connected here, not really. You pointed it out, I don't really feel things. I'm not—this isn't my mold."

Right. That's right. Eveline's mold was in Louisiana. This mold, Miranda's mold, is whatever the Connections based their stuff off of. Similar, but not the same. "Wait—then how are you here?"

Because if Eveline isn't here because of this mold, that means she's somehow here through her mold. But that wouldn't make sense, unless the mold from the Connections could reach all the way back to before they synthesized whatever made Eveline and her mold in Louisiana, which seemed…unlikely, even though they are talking about mold gods and not much seems unlikely when you start talking about mold gods. There has to be something, then, something else connecting the two molds, something allowing Eveline to manifest here…

…shit.

"Is it…me?"

"What?"

"Me," Ethan says quietly, "you—your mold brought me back first. Then when I came here, I connected with the Megamycete here, and…"

"…and then I showed up," Eveline finishes, "I'm here because of you."

It's not the revelation either of them wanted, but it is the one they needed.

"Does that mean that I could—that I could do the same thing you do? Could I talk to Rose?"

"I don't know, Eveline."

"…can I try?"

He looks down at her, at their hands wrapped around each other.

"Be careful," he says, and he's not too sure which one of them the caution's for.

He really shouldn't be thinking about stuff like this too hard, should he?

***

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Ah, Agent Kennedy." The Duke clasps his hands. "Consider this an aspect of our first-class customer service."

"How do you know who I am?"

"I make it my business to know everything about my customers, but in your case, I believe you became quite well acquainted with a personal friend of mine in Spain."

Of fucking course they know each other. Of course they do. He shakes his head. "That doesn't answer my question: what the hell are you doing here?"

The Duke's smiling expression dims slightly and his gaze turns to Rose. He sees Chris shift in front of her ever so slightly as the Duke bows his head. "Ms. Winters. A pleasure and an honor to greet you face to face."

"I've seen you before."

"Yes, and I imagine not all of them were pleasant. You have my apologies for the actions undertaken my others carrying my visage."

He glances at Chris, who looks just as clueless as he is, and decides that's not something he's gonna worry about right now.

"Is he here?"

"Yes, and I can help you find him."

Rose is about to jump at the chance when Chris holds out his arm. "What's the catch?"

"Ethan Winters is a man who has suffered an inordinate amount of pain in his life. A great many powers have tried and failed to impede him." The Duke fixes both him and Chris with a stern look. "I would not see either of you join their ranks."

"You're—you're threatening us over being nice to him?"

"Both of you represent organizations with vested interests in destroying beings like him. I cannot in good conscience guide you to him were I not certain it would be to help, not to harm."

"I trust them," Rose says, stepping in front of Chris, "if you don't take their word, take mine."

The Duke's expression softens as he looks at Rose. "On that, Ms. Winters, I have never wavered. Far be it from me to keep you from your father."

He reaches behind him and places a small token in her hand. Both him and Chris crane their necks to see it, but it doesn't look like much of anything, just a small part of…a plant? A moment later, though, Rose's veins glow white and she gasps.

"Safe travels," the Duke says, back to the sunny man he was at the beginning, "and do give Mr. Winters my best."

***

Ethan finds Eveline on the ground with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and tears on her cheeks.

"Hey, hey," he calls softly, dropping to his knees next to her, "what's wrong? Are you okay? What's going on?"

Eveline sobs and all but throws herself at his chest, all knees and elbows freezing cold. He's knocked almost onto his back, catching himself at the last minute and wrapping his arms around her. She buries her ice cube of a nose in his neck and he hisses.

"Hey," he murmurs again, rubbing up and down her back, "talk to me, what's happened?"

She just shakes her head and sobs again. He scrambles for something to do—she likes being held, or at least she indicated that she wanted to be held, so he rubs firmly up and down her back even though he knows she can't feel it. Well, wait a minute. If she's here through him, and he's the one holding her, maybe he can do something about that.

He closes his eyes and concentrates. On the feeling of having a child in his arms, a crying child at that, of having them sitting in his lap, their head under his chin. On the warmth of his breath on their head, of the weight of his arms around them. The slow movement of his chest as he encourages them to take deep breaths, the pass of his hand up and down, up and down.

Eveline shudders so hard he thinks he might drop her, a gasp tearing itself from her throat as she starts to shiver terribly, whimpering as she tries to push herself into his chest. He holds her tightly, so tightly, murmuring reassurance in her ear.

"You're okay," he says gently, "you're safe, I've got you. You're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay."

He's glad the blanket is soft. To be honest, he's a little surprised Eveline was capable of making it, perhaps she pulled from the memory of the Baker house. Although, this one looks awfully familiar…

The realization slams into him. Rose has been having nightmares. Nightmares about Eveline. And this blanket looks like the one he used to wrap Rose in when he put her down on the couch.

Rose gave Eveline this blanket, he thinks with no small amount of glee, Rose was here. Rose gave Eveline something soft that she could feel.

"You're gonna be warm," he whispers next, rocking her back and forth, "you're gonna get to be all soft and warm and safe, Eveline, it's gonna be so nice. You're gonna be so warm."

God, and now it's slamming him in the face. Ethan was able to manifest here because of Rose, and with him came all their memories of family, of how much he wanted to be her dad. Ethan can still talk to Rose, and Chris, and Mia, because more than anything he wanted to live. And Eveline was alone, so alone, because no one who was supposed to love her did and she's been cold, so cold, and lonely, because she's just a kid.

She's still just a kid.

"Ethan," he hears her whimper, "Ethan, what's—what's going on?"

"I'm hugging you. You're in my lap, Eveline, I've got you. Rose gave you this nice, soft, warm blanket and I'm hugging you to help warm you up. You've been so cold, haven't you?" He runs his fingers through her hair—god, when was the last time someone touched Eveline softly?— "it's okay, I'm here now, I'm right here. I've got you."

"I'm—I'm scared, Ethan."

"Shh, it's okay. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."

It's a long night—he assumes it's night, he always assumes it's night when he can feel Rose asleep. He holds Eveline as she cries herself out. Not to sleep, they don't really sleep, but she wears herself out enough that she just sort of goes limp in his arms, breathing softly. He keeps rocking her back and forth, smoothing his hand over her hair.

Fuck, he thinks idly, I think I'm attached to this kid.

In true Ethan Winters fashion, of course, he notices it when he's in way too deep to do anything about it, but he doesn't mind. Too much.

"Please don't leave me."

"Hm?"

"You want to go back," Eveline mumbles, the blanket still slung over her shoulders like a cape as she plays with the gloves, "you…you can go back. But I don't…I don't want to be alone again."

"Hey," he says, giving her a gentle shake, "you're here because of me, remember? Maybe you'll come with me when I leave."

"I'm gonna have a body again?"

"I don't know about that. Do you want to have a body again?"

"…not really. I don't…" She hunches in on herself. "People really hate me when I have a body. Maybe I should just be words and feelings like you are for Rose."

"Don't you leave me either, okay? I need someone to tell me when I'm being stupid."

"You're always being stupid."

"See?" He pulls her back in for another hug, making sure she can feel it. "I told you, I'm not leaving you. I promise."

"…okay."

***

She can feel him. She can feel him. She's going to vibrate out of her skin.

She can hear Chris and Leon calling for her to slow down, to be careful, to wait for them, but her heart is pounding and her powers are buzzing right under her fingertips and he's so close. She can feel him.

She gets to the top of a small hill and looks down into the valley below. Something is moving.

With a cry, she barrels toward it.

***

The sun feels weird after so long. That's the first thing he thinks. Granted, he did just dig himself out of the ground, but still. Ambient warmth is gonna take some getting used to again.

Eveline shifts just under his skin. She's not here here, just something he can feel if he focuses. He keeps his promises, after all, and he wasn't about to leave her in that flat hellscape alone. He manages to get himself all the way above ground, panting slightly as he looks around. Yep, this is very much a destroyed version of the village he spent a day and a half—was that how long it was?—roaming around, trying to get his daughter back. Fewer lycans than he remembers. Good.

Ethan Winters, very bad at staying dead.

He hears a cry from up above him. He looks up—

There she is.

There she is, in all her glory, blonde hair and baseball cap and his jacket, looking like an angel.

He almost can't believe it. Shaking, he holds out his arms.

With a cry, she bolts down the hill towards him and throws herself into his arms. She smells like gunpowder and that horrible industrial shampoo the bases and labs always used and she's crushing his leg and sobbing all over his shoulder and it's Rose, his Rosemary, he's got his daughter in his arms again.

"Rose," he sniffles, "oh, sweetie, oh, I missed you so much."

"Dad, you're alive, you're actually alive, I—" she pulls back just enough to scream back up the hill— "Chris! Leon! I found him! He's alive!"

He manages to tear his face out of her shoulder enough to blink up into the sun—yeah, definitely gonna take some getting used to—and sure enough, two more figures crest the hill.

"Oh, god," he hears, before Chris is skidding down the hill and wrapping his arms around both of them, choking on his words, "oh, god."

"Not God," he rasps, "just me."

"Ethan, holy fuck, you—Ethan."

"Well, shit, Winters," he hears Leon say, as he crouches down next to them, "guess your streak continues, huh?"

"Think this makes me three for three."

"Shut up," Rose mumbles and it's…perfect.

Yeah, he thinks as Leon gets dragged into the hug on the muddy, icy, snow-covered ground as the sun shines down on them, pretty fucking perfect.

[caitlynmeow]

We know about Cassandra's love life and relationship status but what about Alcina, Bela and Daniela ? Or Cassandra's dating habits before her wife.

Ask and you shall receive!

Alcina:

Alcina is not easy to fall in love; with her, it's a long the slowest of slow burns but once she's there she makes her intentions/feelings evident and isn't afraid to voice her needs.

She's demanding in love; Alcina is used to having her way and if she wants a particular woman to be her partner, she will make it known.

She is also very high maintenance; she has high standards and only those who meet these standards manage to catch her attention.

Having said that, she is very loyal and definitely one of those people who are there for the long term. The only way you get rid of her is when she decides that she's done with you.

Alcina has a big heart and she's very affectionate underneath her scary exterior. It's just that, not everyone can make it there but those who do are met with a completely different person.

Alcina loves to spoil and dote on her love interest like nothing else. She is possessive and isn't afraid to show off her lover to the whole world.

She is a long-term kind of person. She doesn't do casual dating or one-night stands. She only gets involved if she knows she is into this for the long term. She looks for a partner for life, not someone to have fun with for a while then move on from.

Bela:

Bela is not easily impressed, nor does she swoon over just anyone.

She is focused, goal-oriented, and very driven. She doesn't have time to chase after love, and honestly, she sees it as a waste of time because who has time for romance when you have so much work to do?

Her being an ice queen is only on the surface level though.

Because, when the right person shows up, Bela does get all tingly and fuzzy on the inside. Yes, she will act aloof and all businesslike, but deep down she enjoys being in the presence of her love interest.

Not really a slow-burn kind of person, it takes her a while to realize she has feelings and once she gets there she is a mess. She gets flustered at first, and super in denial, but eventually, she accepts it.

Once Bela gets to that point, she is direct and already taking charge. Our girl is not shy by any means!

Bela is extravaggant. She'd be planning these elaborate dates, showering her love interest with attention and the finest gifts, and she knew how to keep a woman happy.

She is loyal and hypes her lover all the time. She doesn't fall in love often or that quickly, preferring to stick to a few partners and pursue a long-term relationship. (because Bela is always thinking of long-term)

She's surprisingly shy; she doesn't tell her mom or sisters about her lover. She tries but always gets super flustered and can't do it when the time comes. (that's when her family knows that she's in too deep)

Ironically, Daniela always catches her making out with another woman (Daniela hates it because she doesn't need to see this but as luck would have it, she always ends up in this situation).

When Bela is all in, she is showing off her girlfriend and being her best hype woman. She's just so proud and happy and Bela is all about having an audience and her partner is no exception. (she's a loving person okay)

Cassandra:

She's a huge flirt.

With her, it's two completely different things: she flirts, and she is never short of women throwing themselves at her. Sure, Cass loves the attention and she enjoys sleeping around with those because it's all a one-night stand with no strings attached (it got her in trouble a few times but girlie never learns)

But that's just her fooling around and having harmless fun. It's all lust, and physical needs, not real attraction or love. And it's because people are coming to her all eager, she loses interest very quickly and moves on.

Once she catches feelings? It's a whole different story.

When she is in love, it's all-consuming, obsessive, jealous. What's hers is hers and she doesn't share.

With the right person, she is ready to relinquish control and just-- give in; be all adventurous and risk-taking (it takes A LOT of trust this is why it's not always that she gets to that point, only a select few made it there).

She is very private, when she's dating multiple people at once, they never find out about each other because girl is that good.

Once she's with the right person and fully trusts them, she's actually quite submissive, yearning to be indulged.

She loves the concept of love. It lights her up and gives her a sense of meaning. When she meets a person who captivates her, she becomes infatuated.

When Cassandra believes she truly knows her partner, she enters her loving mode. Once she's there there is no turning it off. She may not be the first to express her love; however, she feels and thinks she is in love. For Cassandra, infatuation starts with daydreams and imagination. She takes time to imagine how the two of them would get along and what it would look like to be together. Would you like her? Would your friends like her? Would your friends and her friends get along—what about family?

If someone makes it past the imagination stage by showing genuine interest in her, a little game plays off in her head. She bounces between wondering if her partner actually likes her, and she proceeds with caution while assessing the whole situation.

She looks forward to chill dates, eating food, vacations, and cuddles. In fact, Cassandra is very cute, contrary to her dark, mysterious, and hot demeanor.

Daniela:

Daniela seeks love.

She reads a lot about it, but she's actually shy and not sure how to take the first step without being a) too forward or b) being overwhelmed and shying away from the situation altogether.

She gets really excited, and at times she does come on strong. She loves planning spontaneous dates and can never get enough of spending time with her partner.

Despite her forward nature, Daniela is actually very flexible and doesn't mind letting her partner plan for things.

She loves being surprised and kept on her toes, as she does get bored easily.

Now, Daniela is all about having fun. If someone is too practical and too monotonous? She is OUT.

She loves a partner who is adventurous and exciting, coming up with different ideas for dates and sex and everything in between. Boredom is Daniela's worst enemy and her (potential) partner should be aware of this.

Having said that, Daniela knows exactly what she wants and what to expect from a partner. If she feels the person she's dating is not up to her standards? She's happy to stay single than to compromise and trap herself in a boring relationship that is doomed to fail (because Daniela doesn't want to waste time trying to keep a dead relationship alive while she can be out there having fun and getting all the excitement she needs)

Unlike Cassandra though, she isn't into random flings and one-night stands. For Daniela to take someone to bed, she needs to feel something for them to the point where she wants to be with them.

This is why she's the romantic one, she seeks a true partner and everything else falls into place after she does that.

Daniela's truest desire is to be in love, even though that can be a little scary for her.

One way to woo Daniela is to appeal to her competitive side. Even if they're just bantering over a game of pool or darts, adding an edge of competition to the date will make it all the more exciting. Oh and, don't let her win—she wants to win fair and square~

[roo-bastmoon]

"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo

[dreaminonao3]

2. "it's been a long time" - Alastor/Stolas

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss

Triggers/Warnings: None

Rating: T

Rebound (AO3)

“Alastor, there you are. I … er … heard you were back. It’s been a long time.”

Alastor stiffened at the familiar voice. He was keeping to the shadows in one corner of the ballroom of the Hazbin Hotel and had hoped no one would dare speak to the infamous Radio Demon but his luck had run out. The room was bursting with sinners, overlords, Goetia, and even the Sins and it was only the threat of punishment from Lucifer that kept the various groups from being at each other’s throats. Most people were simply happy to dance or drink the night away, the celebration of the Hotel’s restoration and its residents' defeat of the exorcists secondary.

Alastor turned around to address the speaker. “Seven and a half years, Your Highness.” His ever-present smile was stiff and he hoped the other man would read it correctly.

No such luck. “It’s good to see you,” Stolas said with a soft smile of his own. “And you used to call me ‘Stolas.’”

He sighed quietly. The sad thing is that he’s being honest -- he’s probably the only person in this room who is happy I came back. Charlie appreciates my contributions but I wouldn’t say she’s ever happy to see me. He relaxed as much as he dared in a room that contained multiple enemies. “How are you?”

The prince sighed sadly. “Not well, my friend. My marriage to Stella ended badly.”

Alastor raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a good thing?” That woman is a harpy, I would think he’d be glad to be rid of her.

“It would be except that it ended over my affair with a man I thought was the love of my life, only for him to run when I told him I wanted our relationship to be more than just … physical.”

Ouch. “When was this?”

“Five months ago.”

“And you’ve given up hope already? That’s not like you.”

“You didn’t hear the things he said. It’s as if he never knew the real me at all.” He finished the glass of champagne he was holding.

“You need something stronger than that.” Alastor changed it to a glass of the finest whiskey with a wave of his hand. “How have you kept yourself occupied since he left?”

Stolas stared down at the whiskey sadly before tossing back the entire glass. “I reconnected with my daughter.”

Alastor remembered the girl, a gangly preteen the last time he’d seen her. “How is Octavia?”

The bird demon smiled proudly. “After so many ‘angsty’ teen years, she’s finally happy. She’s continuing her studies in astronomy and botany and, if you’ll forgive a father’s pride, I think she will do very well. The, uh, the divorce was, well, it was hard for her. Very hard. I’m not proud of how I handled it but Via and I are moving forward.”

He nodded. “Have you been seeing anyone?”

“No. No one could compare to him and the last thing I want is a rebound relationship.”

Alastor tilted his head as he regarded him. “Has it occurred to you that that is actually exactly what you need?”

Stolas stared at him. “I … I couldn’t possibly-”

“As my friend Angel Dust would say,” Alastor rolled his eyes, “‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.’”

“I … I’ll have another whiskey, if I may.”

Alastor nodded and another glass appeared in Stolas’ hand. “Find someone interested in a one-night stand, or even a brief, torrid affair. By the time it’s over, you’ll have forgotten all about the one who hurt you.”

Stolas took a sip then smiled weakly. “For someone not interested in sex or romance, you seem to know a great deal about both.”

Alastor chuckled. “My friend, I’m living under the same roof as the Pride Ring’s premiere porn star – learning all things sexual quite against my will was inevitable. As for romance, it’s not that I’m uninterested, it’s that I have yet to find someone who would make becoming a fool over worthwhile.”

The prince chuckled. “That’s one way to put it.” He moved the glass from one hand to the other and back again before taking another sip then he said, his eyes anywhere but on Alastor, “Are you … are you completely opposed to sex?”

It took less than a heartbeat for Alastor to understand what the man was really asking. “No, I even have it on rare occasions, I just never feel the need like others do.”

“Would you … that is … if you … er…”

“If you’re asking if I’ll be what helps you to get over him, I would be honored.” He gave him a slight bow.

Stolas’ face lit up for a moment then he smiled softly. “Thank you, my friend.”

Alastor couldn’t help thinking that Stolas was a very pretty bird when he smiled.

*

“‘Gumbo?’” Octavia asked skeptically as she poked at the bowl of stew with her spoon. “What’s in it? And if the answer is ‘people,’ I’m leaving.”

Alastor rolled his eyes fondly at his stepdaughter’s wariness. “The answer is ‘deliciousness.’”

Stolas chuckled as he joined them at the table. “Now, Via, you’re well past the age that you need to be told to clean your plate. I can’t force you to eat it but I would think you’d want to show your appreciation for Alastor’s hard work by at least trying it.”

Octavia poked the gumbo one more time and Alastor sighed loudly. “If you truly don’t like it, the second course is Creole Rat Fricassee.”

She looked up at him, surprised. “You hate rats.”

“I did, but as the husband of one owl and the stepfather of another, I’m learning to appreciate them.”

Stolas leaned over to kiss his cheek, a gesture that made Octavia smile.

“Alright,” she said, “I’ll try it, but no promises.”

Three bowls later, she was begging for the recipe so she could share it with her friends. Alastor made a show of reluctantly conjuring a recipe card and while Octavia posted it on social media, he smiled at his husband.

“Not bad for a rebound relationship, wouldn’t you say?”

Stolas hooted his laughter.

[lilikags]

໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა just a little note...

! not in any particular order...

my beloved big sister @actuallylgp,

it's hard to envision a morning without seeing a "Gm Qian" from you; i look forward to it every day (i'm really being serious here). when i feel lost, i think about talking to you (about anything really, it helps my mind clear) and seeing you around just makes me really happy! i love you <3

my dearest ate @yumetokashite

you've been here with me for so long, and it's strange to think about just how much i've changed (for the better!) in the time that you've stuck with me. you cheer me up so well, I hope we stick together a long time

for my twinsie @runanadwiddles,

i've never seen anyone more "twinsie" than you. if there's a small group of people i can trust to show the parts of me i hide on instinct, you're part of it. it's always very 🤝 with you, and i hope we have so many more "brain connected" moments ♡

to teddy bear dearest @hasumilvr,

squishes yuo. thank you for being there for me all the time, thank you for reading my stories. just looking at our chats in the middle of class when i'm stressed out helps me calm down, i hope you know this cabby cares for you a lot

dear alkakurei's favorite @rinnelovebot ,

i find your dedication absolutely admirable. seeing you alive and kicking and being able to see you every day brings me so much; thank you for being there always

for my favorite penguin @sleepypengwin,

if there's someone to react to a message, it's you. thank you for supporting me (and of our) silly rambles, and thank you for sending all sorts of silly insta reels and liking my stories and talking to me on insta... you make me feel less lonely in the world

fucking clown pt 1 (ily) @baeshijima,

where would i be today without you... (dead, in the ditches) sharing devastating thoughts (fic ideas far too good) with you is something so special to me. i hope to bring you more devastating news going forward 🫶

fucking clown pt 2 (ily) @aimixx,

you too saved me from the ditches of hell; thank you for listening to my troubles and being with me through the worst times of my life thus far. when you're offline, I wish you were online so I could bother you, it brings me peace knowing you're online

for my big sis spirit @spiriteddreams,

there's no one else who has provided as much guidance to me as you have; thank you for being my most trustworthy opinion in the topics we talk about most. i'm incredibly grateful that we get to talk, i feel like you've helped me see a better side of reality

to the one who fuels my yume thoughts like no other @yumejo,

do you know how much i kick my feet like a maiden in love when I see your writing??? (i admit that is what i am for my yumes though) your writing makes my heart jump places and sends me to a magical land. thank you for listening to all of my yume rambles, silly thoughts and all of the strange things this girl (me) has to say

my dearest kuya @marifart,

once and forever my kuya ♡ you're so real and i always know i can be so real with you. you're so true, it's so easy to be comfortable around you.

to whom I have not divorced yet @neoxsanctuary ,

քʟֆɖօռȶɖɨʋօʀƈɛʍɛ it's hard for me to wrap around just how long we've known each other. we've been through the hell of a thousand fandoms and far too many situations. thank you for being there (insert the tomoya gif I always use)

for the best little sib ever reze @solaaresque

you make me insane (pos) i'm always proud of you, i think you're so cool and have so much ahead of you. i am and will always be happy to be your ate, thank you for your silliness

for the silly i talk to on the bird app every day @shirokururu,

who else would I talk to on that very blue app. thank you for listening to my rambles on countless manhwa you have never seen before and responding to the bazillion tweets i send... ♡

[this post is scheduled]

[rosietaeyongswife]

stars | yuta nakamoto

genre: fluff, bit of angst wc: synopsis: never let the lost girl become friends with older guys. never. especially if they're friends with yuta nakamoto. an: quick piece of rubbish. rant maybe, idk. lmao i had to write bcs felt like it. admire my yuta nakamoto. i love him.

how much does it take to someone to finaly be able to listen to you? just once. you've always been there for your closest people. did anyone had issues? you were there to help. of course you were, because why not. you're here for it. you did all your best. but where were they when you needed them? nowhere to be seen.

it's always like you were the one to call. one to rant to. whatever. you did your best. never talks about you, but always listen and help others. when you've tried, topic lasted for a minute. next thing was their issue. isn't it unfair? even your own family. you just want to be listened which was near to impossible.

until you met new friends. until you and yuta crushed. most beautiful human being ever to exist. being around yuta felt like you're not just alive but you're actually living. he had never expected anything from you.

"i care." yuta shurgged, while holding you close. "i don't care about all your friends, nor family. knowing enough is enough, y/n. if you want to talk, do it. i'm there for you."

suddenly all you could feel was knot in your stomach. view in front of you was glossy, and tears went down your cheeks. it's bare minimum, you had never recived.

"yuta, i'd like you to hold me. let's just chill together, and stay in a moment. i don't know how much should i be grateful for you. i love you so much."

"don't say obvious things." yuta chuckled, and you could only stare into his pretty eyes. "one day, i want you with me. i want us to go back to japan. i want to spend my best times with you. i want to show you what you deserve. i love you always. you're stars in my dark universe."

yuta was always proud of you. smallest thing you've done, never failed to make him smile. yuta nakamoto is well aware of you. of your feelings. people you've met made you empty inside, and he's willing to do whatever to make you feel as happy as ever.

"you're doing great sweetie." he shows you thumbs up. "i'm recording it."

"yuta, stop."

both of you were in his kitchen. one cigarette in yuta's left hand, phone in his other hand filming how you were baking cupcakes for both of you. it felt embarrassing to be watched. yuta is crazily in love with you.

"i won't, duh. you're all pretty doing it all for us. i made five cupcakes, and here you are doing another ten. you're amazing, darling."

"yuta-" you stopped because he was in your face with phone. "please, you're can't be for real."

"smile for camera. one day, i'll show our kids these videos, you hate." yuta turned his phone, so back camera can film both of you. yuta with cigarrete in between his lips, and you awkwardly smiling at him. "to my future kids. here's your sweetest mother. she's still a bit embarrassed, because she's all new to affection and being someone's number one, but don't worry. daddy's taking care of her."

"yuta, why are you talking about kids?" you chuckled. "it's like, future? like too much to be talked about."

"i can promise you, it's true."

"whatever. hello our future kids. we're doing cupcakes because yuta said it's amazing idea. as you can see, he isn't the best authority to follow. bad influence for kids." you rolled you eyes. "why don't you throw this off."

"i won't. your dad is fuckin amazing, kids."

"he is." both of you were laughing. "yuta nakamoto is the best person i have ever met. i can promise you, everyone loves him so will you. your parents are fuckin best."

yuta ended video, and was laughing. "i love that my y/n is finaly letting herself be. i love you, darling."

"love you, yuta. forever."

maybe there's finaly person who wants to listen to you :)

[jenyifer]

Atom in the Soup.

It’s the night before only friends again and I haven’t properly talked about Atom. Yes I did talk about him in relation to Cheum and Boston’s masking but!! He is important to the BostonNickverse so I can’t ignore him. Hell I even did some soup on Daddy Dan before Atom.

Atom’s name is not a mistake he’s viewed as small and insignificant to the rest of the cast. Boston pays the most attention to him because he cares for Cheum and Atom is an extension of her. So he readily treats him like a little brother too. He must have seen hung out with Atom before. But Atom is important for telling a queer narrative and we can’t over look him because so often Bisexual eraser is a thing in media and our conversations about queer people. I personally have a love hate feeling towards him based on my own experiences.

Let me tell you a story… a lesbian story actually. I was friends with several girls who were dating men (who were terrible by the way) and one of them let’s call her Eve was always talking obsessively to me. She introduced me to my future ex gf let’s call her Lili. We started dating and immediately Eve told me “oh it’s so funny I didn’t know you liked women… I don’t like women but I’ve had a lot of dreams about Lili and you Crazy? Right?” Eve was definitely dating a man but she would tell me about how much she liked Lili all the time. I made the mistake of keeping this info to myself because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship didn’t think it was my place. When Lili and I broke up Eve immediately tried and failed hooking up with Lili. Eve told me she was still straight she just wanted to try. She always dreamed of being with her but in the moment it was too real according to her. Lili’s panicked story to me was that she rejected Eve then the girl got very drunk and she dropped her off and was going to never talk to her again. Eve told me she was 100% str8 and this helped her cement this… supposedly.

So was Atom or Eve at fault for wanting to try? No. Did they obsess for a long time about how things would go? Yes. Reality is you trying something out like that is harmful to yourself and the other person when boundaries aren’t clearly understood ahead of time. Boston made it clear so many times that this was a one and done thing that Atom could leave that Boston didn’t judge him. But reality is Atom fucked about and found out. It’s not easy discovering who you are I don’t blame Eve or Atom for trying to go to someone who they know and admire. Seems like the easy option. But it’s a story people like Lili and Boston see all the time pretty out and proud lesbian gays used for experimentation making them feel less than. It’s not flattering to find out someone you thought was a friend only thinks about your body. So push them away before they can make you feel inferior insignificant. A single Atom.

I sympathize with Atom. He has no one to talk to. He believed Boston would still be there even if things went wrong because sex is no big deal to Boston. But that wasn’t reality. Now Atom is alone and hurt. Questioning who he is and if he has done the right thing. If I have to predict what I think will happen is.

1. Atom tells Cheum after seeing Boston with her maybe trying to reconcile? Then everything blows up.

2. Atom sees Boston happy with Nick and this causes Atom to go Nuclear getting revenge. Maybe he knows Nick and thinks he’s such a loser so why can Boston accept Nick but not Atom

whatever happens I feel like we are going to get a nuclear explosion that effects Nick and Boston going to ep 12. This is likely not to be my last soup pot on this boy.

[dreaming-of-the-end]

9: the right way to be proud (and hate me all the same)

A/N: Keefe chapter! in which he is silly (but that’s all of them!) PLEASE please please reblog and/or comment if you like!!

Links: [ao3] [wattpad] [masterpost] [previous chapter] [next chapter]  

Tags: @an-ungraceful-swan @seulgibabes @gay-otlc @fruityfintanfortythree @synonymroll648 @bookwyrminspiration @skylilac @song-tam @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @abubble125 @rainy-nights-and-fairy-lights @kamikothe1and0lny @arsonistblue @daphneisntreal @lemon-girl-in-devil-town @istanrandomfandoms @sunset-telepath

Dear Alden,

I wish I could call you dad, but there are a few reasons why I can't.

1: Real fathers don't tell you they're proud of you for being less than perfect.

2: You've hurt me more than Fintan ever could. Weird, right? But that's what a father is supposed to do. You're supposed to be worse than the villains.

3: You've loved me more than my mother was supposed to. I don't want to admit that hating me is genetic.

But it is. Hating me runs in the family, and you were exempt from that disease on account of being a Vacker.

Your pride in me is something I have never been able to match up with who I am. If I am not yours, why are you proud of me? What right do I have to take those shreds away from Fitz, away from Biana? You owe me nothing. I owe you everything.

The first time you told me you were proud of me, my father's hand was around my wrist. And he didn't feel excitement or happiness or gratitude, he felt confusion.

I'd never heard those words with my name where Fitz's was supposed to be. Something didn't quite match. Something came out wrong, and I think it was me.

You spent years looking for Sophie, hoping to find her because of what you did to Prentice— ruining his life, that is. But you never found her because she came out wrong too, didn't she? Not quite human, not quite elven. Not like what you know.

Sophie was something you had to learn. Someone you had to teach yourself about.

But you assumed that I was straight out of the textbook definition. Look for Keefe in a dictionary and I come up. Definable. Noteworthy. Disaster.

Did you know that Keefe means loved in some human languages? Being a polyglot means that I understand every language, but I don't understand a world where my name means loveable. Worthy of being cared for.

That's not a father's job, anyway. Your job is to break me down to your level and try to repair the damage when you've pieced your mind back together. Your job is to shout and shout and shout and wait for the words to get through to me. Your job is to find me where I've hidden myself and bring me back into the burning sunlight.

Find me, Alden; find who I am, what I am, what I've kept from you. Why aren't you looking? Why do you never see? I've hidden myself away. You haven't found me yet. You're not my dad.

You love learning secrets no one was supposed to tell. Here's one of mine:

You gave me the idea to run away.

I was thinking about Fitz. And I was thinking about how we met. And why we became friends. It's because no one knew where he was. He was mysterious. Gone all the time. Gone to look for Sophie in the Forbidden Cities.

Do you feel your mind shattering the more you read? I think you're better off not reading this, but that's not why I won't send it.

It's because you never tried to peel back my layers. It's because my hiding spot was too good, it's because my head records every word and plays them in a disordered line, it's because neither of us has fixed our stupid broken matching heads yet. It's because you accepted me as who I was instead of who I was throwing at you, over and over, desperate to break the glass between us. Too bad that part of me is dead now.

I think you killed him.

I cried at your planting. Sometimes I regret it.

Love,

Keefe

…

Fitz isn't there the next morning when the rest of the group comes to see if it's true that he's back.

Biana gets there first: he knows it's her by how tightly she squeezes him, crushing them together. Her hair tickles his chin, bracelets digging into his back, but it's hard for Keefe to care, to breathe as she whispers, "Missed you."

"Missed you too," Keefe says softly, and Biana releases him. Her expression switches quickly from easy relief to a hesitant question. "And I've already seen Fitz," he adds, watching her eyebrows lift.

But she steps back.

"A lot has happened since you left," Tam puts in, barbed and accusatory. Not since you've been gone. Since you left.

Sophie catches it too, forehead wrinkling. She tugs out an eyelash, and Keefe winces. "Sorry about that, by the way."

They accept his apology a bit easier than Fitz did. Then, none of them know he doesn't mean it, besides Sophie, who was there last night. Not even Biana. They don't know the tug, the pull and push of anywhere but here that keeps him running, keeps him lying, keeps him leaving everyone behind. They don't know the desperate need for change, the roiling fear, the tumbling guilt that mixes with his blood and sets it itching in his veins.

Tam and Linh probably know it least of all. They run for need rather than want. He's seen their backpacks that pack for quick escape, and he's also seen the drawers they've filled since. They want a home. He wants to leave his forever. No wonder Tam hates him. The only part of him he’s ever known has been betrayal, from either side of whatever dynamic they have made for themselves.

Even now, he feels it: the monotony of his days here. Trying for solutions and knowing that all will fail. The cycle that he's found himself drawn back into against his will. This is why Fitz found him lying when he said he wanted to come back.

Keefe feels a chill set over him, and Tam's shadowy voice whispers: Keefe, we're going to have to talk sometime soon.

This is the worst part of going numb, a new kind of blindness. As he meets Tam's eyes, he can't tell whether his calm is genuine or not. He's gotten out of practice at reading expression before emotion, and he can't match them up anymore.

But he nods.

And he thinks of the letters he has stacked up, one for each of his closest friends. The ones he thought he would never have the chance to give to them because he'd never see them again.

It's worse now. Because now he has to choose to keep them piled away, written and unopened, addressed to him and him only.

Dear Biana, he thinks as she ruffles his hair and he ducks with a yelp. Sorry for wanting to forget you again. I hope I'm forgiven for coming back.