#real life really took it out of me for a while there

[megamindsecretlair]

Make Me Weak, Part 2

Pairing: Sex Therapist!Terry Richmond x Sub!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. Cursing, mentions of depression, anxiety, and description of sex acts and sexual issues. Hair pulling, PIV, condom use. Power imbalance, Shy!reader. Dark!Terry. Dom!Terry, AU Terry, all consensual. Sorry if I missed some. I'm not a therapist and while I do not make light of therapy, this is purely for my own fun. Please seek real medical attention when necessary.

Summary: You followed Dr. Richmond’s instructions to the best of your ability. You spent so much time in your mind that willingly descending into your body was an experience that opened your eyes to how much you had neglected. Your second session forces you to confront more truths than what you were ready for. 

Terry reaches some conclusions of his own as he tries to shake whatever is ailing him by disappearing between Tasia’s thighs. Yet his mind is on you, on your thoughts and words. During the second session, he can’t help but push you beyond your limit.

Word Count: 5,018k

Part 1 | AO3 Link

A/N: I'n back babbyyyy. I got so inspired reading so many lovely fics. Plus the encouraging asks really helped. I had TOO much fun writing this and you will not hurt my feelings if you don't want to read this one. However, I must tag to keep my taglist updated. Forgive me, my loves. Toss a coin to your blogger by leaving a comment, gif, or unhinged ask.

You

Hot steam rolled out from the shower as you set it to your desired temperature. You faced yourself in the mirror, thinking over Dr. Richmond’s words. You supposed that there was some truth to what he had told you.

Most people did start by exploring their own bodies first. It must be so easy for guys. Close the door, grab some lotion, and rub one out. Girls on the other hand…your life was constantly spent in a state of panic.

Panic that anything on your person would make your mother snap. Harsh criticisms hidden behind “just talkin’ shit” that Black people liked to hide behind. You were too sensitive to jokey-joke with when you weren’t able to reciprocate. It’s not like you could talk about your mom. It’s not like you could throw insults back in her face and tell her to take it in stride.

Panic that you could be caught or exposed at any point. You were a grown woman, yes. You were also taught to believe that you needed to act as if someone was watching. You believed there was some kind of life after all this and so wouldn’t it stand to reason that someone or something would be looking at you? Or worse, someone would come flying through your door because your family lacked boundaries? 

Panic that you didn’t know what lay on the other side of an orgasm. How would you feel? How would you look? Surely something like that changed a person. Feeling that rush of relief for the first time had to be special. Had to be amazing. Otherwise, why would anyone ever be obsessed with sex? 

Panic that you’d never reach that peak and fall over. Never feel that rush of euphoria that everyone talked about. Porn, books, friend groups. You always felt left out and you didn’t want to anymore, dammit. 

You watched yourself in the mirror as steam overtook it, inch by inch. Until you were only staring at your eyes and the disbelief written all over your face. Would this even work? Were you wasting your time? 

“I need total, focused commitment from you.”

Dr. Richmond’s sultry voice skittered along your naked skin. Goosebumps raised on your flesh from the cold air moving through the house. You would be focused. You would be committed. This was something you wanted so badly, you were fucking desperate. 

So you took deep, measured breaths using the Box method a previous therapist told you about. You inhaled for a count of four, held for four, exhaled for a count of four, and then held it for four. You repeated the process, doing a full body scan. 

You focused on your head, starting with your scalp. You focused on your forehead, feeling the tension melt away and your eyebrows start to relax. You hadn’t even realized that you had it scrunched.

You brought your attention to your eyes, unfocusing them, and allowed them to close. You repeated the process, breathing the entire time, settling down into your body when your mind wanted so badly to escape. To flee. To leave the Horrors. 

When you felt your mind drift, you didn’t chastise yourself. You continued to breathe, focusing on your breaths until you continued with your scan. Your body relaxed fraction by fraction. Your shoulders lowered from up around your neck. Aches and pains became more prominent. 

Your belly expanded and you sighed. You hadn’t even noticed how often you clenched your stomach, never allowing yourself a full breath. You always had to be on edge. Never knew where the next danger was coming from. What new fresh hell you would encounter just around the corner. 

By the time you reached your feet, you felt more relaxed than you had in a long time. Your body prickled with your newfound awareness. Steam caressed your bareskin and you quickly hopped in the shower, letting the warm water cascade across your body.

The water felt different on your body. Each droplet may as well have been a tiny earthquake, popping all over your skin and making you tingle. This…wasn’t too bad. 

You lathered up your facial scrub and gently moisturized your face, soothing the stiff areas. Your jaw popped as it loosened and you moaned from the relief. 

How long? How long have you spent outside of your body? A stranger to it? A foreigner to this vessel you carried around? Had you truly loved your body when you were so alien to it? Or had you just learned to layer on the armor and pretend? 

God, you felt like crying. With one session, Dr. Richmond already had you re-thinking your entire life. Like the answer was there in your face the entire time and you just needed him to shine a light on it. 

You rinsed your face while you grabbed a washcloth and lathered up with your favorite soap. You added body wash and then took your time trailing the washcloth around your body. Starting with your neck, you worked your way down to your chest. 

You took your time feeling the rough cloth against your smooth, watery skin. You rounded the washcloth across your nipples and they beaded under the slow torture. Oh, this was new. This was very nice. 

You were focused, letting the water act as a sound machine, lulling you into a further relaxed state. You followed the washcloth with your hand, moving over and under your areolas and nipples. You pinched your nipples and gave it a tug. You gasped from the responding tug in your pussy.

You moved on, remembering Dr. Richmond’s words about not making it sexual. But fuck, how could you not? 

Heat flushed beneath your skin that had nothing to do with the hot water on your body. You washed your back and then moved lower, skirting your throbbing pussy and washed your legs and dug the cloth between your toes. 

On the way up, your fingers glided around your mound, your hips pushing forward. Your breathing turned rapid, feeling yourself getting more and more excited. Your brain turned to mush, retreating from your actions. Like it wanted to picture something else. You shook your head, and started up with your Box breathing again.

You stopped mid-shower to reorient yourself and get yourself back into that zone of ultimate calm. If Dr. Richmond were there…

You focused on what he might say. There was no rush. There was no rulebook for this sort of thing. There was no reason to chastise yourself. There was no test to pass or box you had to check in order to achieve an orgasm. You just needed to relax, dammit. 

Slowly, achingly slow, you went back to that calm. You continued lathering up your body and then rinsed the soap off. You repeated the process, adding more soap to thoroughly wash your body. To enjoy the feel of the cloth and water and soap on your skin. On your body. 

“This is the only body you’ll ever have so it’s time to think beyond simple body maintenance. Admire your body.”

This was the only body you would ever have. It was time you stopped treating it like the enemy. 

You turned off the water and then got out. The chill air hit the water on your back and you shrieked and shivered, quickly drying off. You went through your nightly routine, taking care of your teeth, face, and deodorant. You sat down on a decorated stool in your bathroom to apply your lotion.

As instructed, you looked at your body. Every mole, every scar, every bump, and every wayward hair. Being in your body was weird to say the least. You had to disassociate to survive your childhood and you never learned to drop those defenses. Your body never realized that it wasn't at war anymore. Or perhaps it was and this was battle fatigue. You were so damn tired.

You massaged the lotion into your skin and then slipped in your panties. You pulled on an ankle bracelet you got while visiting New York once and it made you feel extra pretty, so why not. You turned on your bedside light and pulled out a notebook.

You started a new entry and wrote about the sensations and revelations you experienced. Some of it you would discuss with Dr. Richmond and some of it was never leaving your grave. It felt good to get it all out, uninterrupted.

Sometimes, venting to someone else just gave them room to talk over you. To steer the direction back to them. Brooklyn was like that. In an effort to relate, she ended up taking over the convo and made it about her situation. Then you ended up comforting her about her issue and never feeling truly heard about yours.

In a journal however, you pretended that you were just relaying it to a friend. The type of friend who allowed you to speak. To get your jumbled thoughts out without getting mad or trying overshadow you. 

Done, you collapsed against your bed as if every ounce of strength left your body. You breathed through it, allowed your body to rest for a moment. The hell kind of voo-doo shit did your therapist put you through?

Immediately, warning bells went off in your mind. Surely, you would be whisked away to some super important task around the house. Surely, your phone would ring with some awful accident you had to attend to. Surely…nothing. You were drained. You had nothing. 

You had just enough energy to put the journal up, turn off the light, and drift off to the deepest sleep of your life.

Terry

Tasia bounced like a porn star on Terry’s dick and it wasn’t doing a damn thing for him. He felt himself getting soft the more Tasia shuddered with her pleasure. At least one of them was having fun. 

Maybe he rushed this. Too intent on getting you out of his mind that he hopped immediately into Tasia’s warm heat and didn’t consider that there was no substitution. He knew it was irrational to be drawn to you so fast. After only one session. He was conflicted on that front, but it went beyond just looks. 

Your case, your assessments, your willingness to try, and your obvious smarts was a cocktail shooting through his veins and turning his body liquid. The perfect sub was dropped into his lap and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

And as a man used to getting his way in the bedroom, it stuck in his craw that he couldn’t have you. That it wasn’t your pussy that his dick disappeared inside of. Would you moan loudly? Were you shy in the bedroom? Were you enthusiastic? 

What would your mouth look like taking the full length of him? How far down could you suck him? Did that same determination translate to the bedroom?

Tasia grunted beneath him as his dick rose back to life, thoughts of you turning him harder than a brick. He could build a house with how hard he was at the moment, picturing the curves on your body. The natural handles in your waist for his big hands to wrap around. To hold.

He moaned, picturing it all so clearly. His thumbs would dig into your back. The sounds you would make. His hips jerked just thinking of pounding into you. No mercy. You weren’t some fragile flower. Your insightful thoughts were like a mirror to his own. He wanted to explore with you. And the fact that he couldn’t had him pulling Tasia’s hair back.

“Call me Dr. Richmond,” he commanded.

“Yes, D-Dr. Richmond,” Tasia moaned. It was starting to piss him off. 

“Softer,” he said.

“Yes, Dr. Richmond,” she said, bringing her voice lower, softer. It was nowhere near your voice, but it’d do for the fantasy he concocted in his head. He didn’t have time for any extra tricks tonight. He just needed to get to the other side of his nut. 

He closed his eyes and thought about your case. He wondered if you were doing as you were told. He wondered how well you would take commands in the bedroom. If he even had to give commands at all. If you’d instinctively know what he needed when he needed it. Tasia used to know that. Tasia used to have him out of breath. 

Now…she was a beautiful girl with deep mocha skin, a cute face, and wide expressive eyes. She was like a little doe in a meadow somewhere. He was attracted to the overall softness of her and of her body. The natural way she seemed to know what he needed. 

Perhaps it was him that had changed. His tastes. He was no longer interested in a casual sub-relationship. Perhaps he wanted a more permanent sub. One he could explore every single nasty fantasy with and never get bored. He was getting older, getting into his early-thirties without a significant partner.

And that was what he wanted. A partner. An equal. Someone he raced home to see or spent his days thinking about how he would break her and put her back together like a puzzle box. 

Terry groaned and came into the condom, gripping Tasia’s asscheeks for dear life. It was one of the hardest climaxes he ever experienced. His release triggered hers, causing her to fall forward as her pussy gripped his dick. 

He pulled out and immediately disposed of the condom, coming back to help clean up Tasia. 

“That was…different,” she said, using the word in place of something else. He didn’t want his reputation to slacken in that regard, but hell, this whole thing had been a mistake. He still made sure she came twice before he did, but he usually put more oomph into his sexual exploits. 

He usually had Tasia popping her pussy on his face, or contorting her like a pretzel. Now…he was just over it. Over trying to impress someone that wasn’t permanent in his life. That he couldn’t play with whenever he wanted. He was no longer excited at the prospect of making many women cum. He just wanted to make one cum over and over again. He wanted to collect each one like trophies. 

Terry grabbed Tasia’s hand and kissed the back of it. “Forgive me. Tonight should’ve probably been a gym night,” he said. He smiled for good measure, but it was a close-lipped smile.

“Oh, I’m not complaining. That dick still know how to rock my world,” she said. She stood up, pulling on her sweats and sweatshirt, and slipping on her sneakers. He sat down on the bed and watched her, not feeling an ounce of desire. 

She leaned over and grabbed his chin, making him look up at her. “You take care of yourself and whatever or whoever got you in this funk. And if you need more relief, you know my number,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with another close-lipped smile. Tasia had been one of his longest play partners, he’d be sorry to see her go. She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek, showing herself out. 

Terry sat in his fancy bedroom in his fancy house, staring at the empty archway Tasia disappeared through. His mind and body told him that he was ready for something more. Something tangible. Something he could hold and never let go. He only hoped he found it soon.

You

You clutched your journal to your chest as you sat in Dr. Richmond’s office. Nothing about it had changed except the man himself. He chose to wear a cream colored outfit. A soft, oatmeal colored sweater and khaki pants with white sneakers. His gold rimmed glasses flashed every so often from the light overhead and you couldn’t help catching every single thing about him. If only to distract you from your racing thoughts.

It was one thing to live in your body when you were in the comfort of your own bathroom. Your mind escaped once more, retreated to the safest place you knew. Your knee bounced with nervousness. 

“You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. This is a safe space. It’s your space. You get to decide what we do here,” he said. 

You closed your eyes to the sound of his voice. If he wasn’t so damn helpful, you’d ask for someone else. Literally, anyone else. But he was the first therapist to give you a glimpse of the other side. You wanted that more than you were embarrassed.

“No, I want to share. I need to share,” you said. You licked your lips and then cracked open your journal. You skimmed over things you didn’t want to reveal just yet. Too embarrassing for a second meeting, of course.

“I think…I think my mind is safer. I am constantly on alert that I’m “doing the right thing”, as opposed to what actually makes me happy,” you said. 

When you didn’t say anything, Terry leaned back in his seat. He rolled up his sleeves, revealing the golden brown of his forearms. Your mind emptied of any other thought until he cleared his throat. “Can you expand on that?” 

You looked up into his eyes before heat rushed to your ears. You looked back at your journal, focusing on that rather than his lush, pink lips. 

You told him more about how you reached this conclusion. That there was a standard for being Black that you never quite achieved. That at any moment, multiple mobs of people were coming for your Black card. Or, you were constantly trying to over-achieve at school. You had to work twice as hard, had to be the smartest in the class, because if you came home with a B, your mom went on a long rant about being stupid and never achieving anything real in life. Or how everyone praised you at work for going above and beyond and then got mad when you couldn’t sustain it. You were constantly on the lookout for someone else’s standard.

“I have so many fucking voices in my ear, telling me to do this or do that. And I fucking hate it. Which is wild considering that that’s what I seek in a sexual partner,” you said.

Dr. Richmond smiled and nodded. “Your mind is trying to re-contextualize your upbringing. Being submissive is actually about putting yourself in the position of power. A dom is only as good as how well he treats his sub. It’s about the ultimate act of trust on the submissive’s part,” he explained.

“Yes! And how can I trust that someone isn’t going to…take what I say or want and abuse that or make fun of me for it?” You asked. You played with the corner of your journal, not willing to look at Dr. Richmond. You didn’t need to see the pathetic pity in his steel blue eyes. 

“You have to stand resolute in what you want. You have to recognize that pleasure and sex is about give and take. Trust and acceptance. The right partner isn’t going to make fun of you, abuse you, or rush you,” he said. 

You sighed and leaned back on the brown sofa. You felt like you were chasing a unicorn. What kind of guy was willing to be dominant and care about your needs? Reassure you when you needed and took control when your body sent massive panicked waves at him? Took care of the trust you were placing in him to help you relax and cum? While also being physically attractive to you and have you be attracted to him; not a chubby chaser, not a creep, and not an abuser? 

It was impossible. Hopeless.  

“If you’re comfortable, tell me more about what you found,” he said.

You took your mind off of your dream mystery man. When the fuck was it going to be your turn? 

You scanned your journal once more, noting the sensations about actually living inside your body. “I think when I feel an orgasm approaching, I get scared. And that could be part of why I’m blocking it, but even when I’m alone, I don’t know what it feels like. Or…”

“Or…?” Dr. Richmond prompted. 

You grimaced. Fuck, this was so hard to put into words. Too hard to expose yourself like this. But did you want to reach your sixties, seventies, never having a true orgasm? Never finding your way to actual release? 

“Or, there’s no way to control the orgasm,” you said.

Dr. Richmond nodded. “The goal isn’t to control it, you know,” he said. 

“I know!” You groaned and stood up. You thought better on your feet. Or maybe when you had something to do, you were better able to regulate the jumble of emotions inside of you. No wonder your emotions were all over the place. You spent too long disassociating, too long in your mind and not enough in your body. 

“What benefit do you get from being in control all the time?” The scratch of his pen on the notebook drew your attention to him. To his pretty face, dark eyelashes, and push lips. You watched as he wrote in his notebook. Watched the lines and planes of his gorgeous face. His short curled afro. 

“If I’m in control, if I never look weak or stupid or incompetent, then I win. I win at life. And all my bullies, from school to home are all wrong. There’s nothing wrong with me because I know what to do. I know what to say. I’m not an alien,” you said, taking a deep breath at the revelation.

Whatever your insurance company was paying him, they needed to double it. You admitted things you never had in the past. Your previous therapists attacked your problem sex first, focusing on different methods you could try. Some wanted you to describe, in detail, whatever you did to get yourself off. Safe to say they weren’t practicing ever again. 

“Do you believe there’s something wrong with you?” He asked. He leaned back in his seat, giving you an unflinching stare. His face gave away nothing, revealed nothing, as you thought through his question. 

“All the fucking time. Why else do friends keep leaving me? Or guys don’t want me? Or my mom is…my mom,” you said. 

“Have you considered that you aren’t the problem?” He asked.

“How could I not be? I’m the only common denominator,” you said. You flopped back onto the couch but it wasn’t that soft. It thudded under your weight and you took a deep breath. Fuck, you wanted to cry. Tears pricked your eyes, turning them hot and itchy. You refused to cry in front of this man. 

This strange, quiet man who seemed to read you like one of the many books on his bookshelf. No wonder he had so many degrees. He could drag a full confession from a mute. 

“That may be true. But, bear with me, consider that you aren’t the problem. If you take yourself out of the equation, what are you left with?” He asked. He leaned forward on his desk and the sudden intensity of the question made your mind blank.

You had…nothing. No explanation, no back up. You were used to making yourself the problem. The issue had to be you. If it wasn’t you…

You shrugged your shoulders and looked away from him. The silence stretched on, so quiet you could hear the quiet tick of the clock on the wall. 

“Don’t shy away now, dig into it. If it’s not you, then…?” Dr. Richmond prompted. 

The question only seemed to make you clamp up. Your tongue swelled. Your throat constricted. If it wasn’t you, then what? Everyone was incapable of giving you what you wanted? Everyone just had an agenda against you? Please, that was narcissistic as hell. 

Dr. Richmond stood up from his desk and took off his glasses. He pulled out a drawer and retrieved a glass cleaner cloth. He cleaned his glasses and walked around the front of his desk.

“Consider, for a moment, that other people have deficiencies as well. That people congregate in groups because biologically, it’s safer. We seek groups to be in and when we can’t find one, we tend to think that we’re the problem. That we are outcasts, getting left out to defend ourselves. But all that means is that we haven’t found our group yet. You’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. You don’t belong with the squares, so no, you won’t fit in with them. 

“The same goes for sex. Everybody has their preferences. People have their kinks, their needs. When those needs aren’t meant, society teaches us to look at our own deficiencies rather than someone else’s. Perhaps the man you need sexually is far different from the men you take to bed,” he said. He waved around his glasses as he spoke, drawing attention to his massive hands. 

Seriously, they were huge. Like two lion paws that could strike down someone with one hit. He held his glasses by the frame, waving it around delicately as he spoke. You were still paying attention to his words, but fuck…he was unreal. 

“But how do I find the man that I need sexually?” You asked.

Terry

Terry inwardly groaned as you asked him that. Plenty of suggestions came to mind, each too crass to suggest. How could he tell you to go into another man’s arms? How could he send you to another man to unleash that hidden hellcat within you and he wouldn’t get to experience it? 

He needed to end this. End this before it even began. He placed his glasses back on his face and crossed a line that he never thought he would. “I think we have more work to do to adjust the way you think about sex before we get into how you attract what you’re seeking. In fact, I’d suggest you abstain from sex until we get deeper into this,” he said.

“Abstain?” You snorted and he fought a smile. Your face showed absolute disgust, like the mere thought was abhorrent. 

“Abstain. From what you’ve told me and what’s in your file, you jumped from overcoming your initial thoughts and reluctance about sex right to jumping into bed. Without really, truly exploring yourself first. Kids explore their bodies all the time right? They grow conscious of themselves and start thinking about hey, my equipment is different from someone else’s equipment,” he said.

You couldn’t help but giggle and it caused him to smirk in return. Yes, it was silly. Talking about sex was silly. But it was true. “And as you start to notice people that you’re attracted to, you start to grow conscious of hormones in your system. Brain chemistry. All the fun stuff that goes into attraction. You start to touch yourself more, explore your preferences through porn or books or experimentation.”

You cringed when he brought up experimentation. He tilted his head. “Did you go through an experimentation phase?” He asked.

You closed your eyes and sighed as if it were the last question you wanted to answer. You completely fascinated him. He had no idea what would come out of your mouth next. How you would respond to certain questions or ideas. 

He snuck a glance at the clock, he was nearing the end of the session. He flexed his jaw. This was so damn irritating. By the time you were willing to open up, it was time to end it. He wished he could carve out a month of sessions to get you to lower your defenses and let him inside. 

“No? I grew up in the wrong generation. All everyone thought about was sex and while I did too, no one was checking for the fat Black nerds unless it was a prank. And I saw everything as a prank. I was always getting pointed at, made fun of, stared at. Jesus, being exposed fucking sucks! So, no, I didn’t experiment. There was no one to fucking experiment with. 

“And it wasn’t like I could go ten feet from my mom without her up my ass about where I was going. Claiming she just didn’t want me to get snatched when all she really wanted was just to control me. To not let me end up like her. Young and pregnant,” you practically yelled, spewing way more vitriol than he expected.

He figured it was a sore spot for you by the way you grimaced, but he hadn’t been expecting…that. Again, he balled his fists thinking of every person that ever let you down. Every person that was supposed to uplift you, guide you, help you, all dropped the ball in teaching you about self love.

Every experience every kid was supposed to have was denied to you. Instead of being asked out with interest, with sincerity, boys treated it like a prank. He was wild in his youth, he wasn’t always nice to people, or he went through life like a little gremlin. But he liked to think he mellowed somewhat in high school. Treating everyone with respect. From the nerds to the jocks. He didn’t know what not trusting people’s words felt like. Like everything that someone said came laced with poisoned barbs ready to sting. 

“This is so fucking stupid,” you whispered. Your lip trembled but no tears fell down your face. 

Fuck, even now you were trying to hold everything in. Control a natural response to something painful. “When was the last time you cried?” Terry asked.

You stood up and snatched your purse and journal from the couch. “Session’s up, right?” You asked. You avoided looking at him as you rushed to the exit. The faux glass door clanged against the wall as you threw open the door and left, steps echoing on the linoleum flooring. 

He stared at the door as it lazily swung back and he wondered. And he pondered. 

Wheww, need more? The Secret Terry Richmond Files | Part 1

Taglist: You guys, ya'll gon make me cry with this taglist! Thank you!

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[barkbarkboy]

its taken me a WHILE to think of any interesting lore lol

- i had to save my sister once when she was really little. she took off her gloves, touched the snow for too long, and started getting a lot of pain in her hands, and the fastest way to get her to warmth was to pick her up and carry her home. we had a huge backyard so imagine carrying like a small 4-6 year old human across a huge field of snow thats at Least 3 ft deep. she had frostbite but i managed to get her inside in time to warm up her hands. she caught pneumonia a while later i'm not sure if it was related.

- i'm the only one in my family who WASNT taken to the hospital regualrly for medical issues. my brother basically lived there (born with a cleft palete and asthma, so, yeah), my sib had asthma and knee issues (their knee would dislocate randomly based on the smallest activity), and my sister had asthma, split her head open and had to get it glued shut, and shes a horse girl now so she goes pretty regualrly to check if she broke this or that. so far every single injury hasnt been worse than a sprain thank god. also my mom and dad both have so many medical problems its insane. i was supposed to be the "normal" one with no problems. needless to say, the only "doctors" i've seen regularly are counsellors for "therapy".

- i have a huge attachment to plushies of animals because i love animals so much i want all of them but i cant have all of them </3 so a stuffie will do. my nanna used to work at a hershey factory in our hometown and they had free reese's and hershey beanie babies for us for easter and stuff :)

- i learned what gay peoole were due to mean girls (2004), i basically saw 2 girls kissing in the background (unsure if this is actually in the movie or i made it up) and i asked my mom why they were kissing, and she said sometimes girls kiss each other! and i remembered telling her that i was definitely someone who liked girls and wouldnt mind kissing them. YEEEARS later (despite having memory problems) she recalled this and found out i had a girlfriend in high school, which is how i ended up coming out. because of this, everyone automatically assmes i'm a lesbian even though i've told them i'm bisexual like 600 million times since then.

- (fucking obviously) i grew up going to catholic school from kindergarten to 6th grade. not because my parents are super religious, just, there were rules about which schools we were allowed to go to. my dad's side was catholic and my mom's side was assimilated into catholocism, but eventually broke away. my great aunt does geneology and traced back our ancestors to native roots, so she basically went from catholic to following native teachings immediately. we were taken to pow wows since i could remember, so, we definitely had it better than they did. despite the whities trying to take our culture from us, we're still here <3 still sharing our language and stories and music.

- i was raised by the tv and computer. quite literally. i had an incident when i was younger that caused my dad to distrust people, so i wasnt allowed over at friend's houses or to hang out with them unless they knew them super super well. because of this, i tried to understand social interaction through tv shows like dawson's creek and charmed. on the internet i would watch smosh and... (sigh) sh*ne d*wson and dan and phil and would treat it more like an entertaining break. i swear i was on the family computer for so long sometimes my dad would tell me to go to bed 900 times and i'd stay on until at LEAST 1 or 2 in the morning talking to the friends i made over the internet that i wasnt allowed to have in real life. those friends actually helped me learn how to talk to people like a normal human being!! i'm greatful to them every day and i still talk to them all the time ^_^

- i pretended to hate girly stuff when i was a kid to overcompensate my masculinity, but theres so many "girly" things i really like! i really liked playing house, i really liked playing with baby dolls, i really liked sundresses and nail polish and stuff, i just never liked when all that made me a "girl" according to others, and i didnt realize that was why at the time. egg moment 🥚🏳️‍⚧️

theres way more fhat may or may not be interesting but ^^; i think thats enough for now

it's so weird to me that everyone on this website is a human person outside of their weird internet niche so rb this with a random bit of your lore

[lovegalor333]

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

woman crush wednesday pt 2 (previous part)

summary: you and paige finally go on the long awaited date

content warnings: none!

It had been three weeks since your first phone call with Paige and since then, it has become a nightly occurrence. Talking and giggling into the early hours until sleep eventually takes over. You have fallen asleep on FaceTime a few times too, waking in the morning to Paige silently getting ready for her day.

You both had busy schedules but they had finally aligned and Paige was coming into the city to see you for the first time. Even though you felt like you knew Paige decently well after hours of calls, you were still nervous. Meeting someone for the first time spiked your fight or flight. What if you wasn’t how Paige had imagined you? What if seeing you in real life made her feel differently?

You settled your nerves with a small glass of wine as you got yourself ready. It was a crisp autumnal evening in New York City and you both had decided on getting a coffee from your favourite place and walking around Central Park would be perfect for your first date.

You and Paige were similar in the sense, you were both really simple girls. You enjoyed being home and didn’t care for the lavish things in life. You were looking forward to just spending time with Paige, talking to her and being able to look in her eyes as she stood in front of you, rather than through a screen.

Paige was getting to your apartment at 5PM and it was almost that time so you applied a final layer of lip balm, a few spritz of your favourite perfume and readied yourself to leave.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, Paige was here.

Your stomach fluttered as you rode the elevator down, you took in a few deep breaths and checked your reflection in the mirror. You had kept your outfit simple and makeup to a minimum. Paige was used to seeing you on stage or red carpets, you wanted her to see the real you today.

The elevator opened and there she was, in all her glory. She looked even better in person if that was possible, she looked like a goddess through the FaceTime camera but the way her eyes shone and skin glistened while she was just metres away from you had you lost for words. Her hair was down and straight, tucked behind her ears and she was wearing khaki pants with matching trainers and a pink and brown shirt. Why were you already imagining yourself wearing it? It would hang on your body oversized and it would probably smell like her.

“Hello Y/N.” Paige breaks your daydream, a smile spreading on her face as you walk towards her.

“Hi Paige.” You say shyly and she opens her arms for a hug and you step into it so naturally any nerves you had vanish within seconds.

“You look gorgeous.” She complements as you pull apart and you feel your cheeks heat up even though she’s said that every time you’ve been on video call even when your half asleep with messy hair and in your pyjamas.

“Thank you. You look great. I’m not used to seeing you wear a shirt.” You joke as most of the time, Paige calls you post practice and she’s almost always in her sports bra.

“I can take this off but let’s get that coffee first.” She says cheekily and her hand falls to the small of your back as she leads you out of the apartment building.

You and Paige argue over who’s paying for your drinks as the barista watches you both grapple to reach the card reader.

“It was my suggestion. Let me pay.” You state.

“I’m taking you on a date. Let me pay.” Paige quips back.

“But you traveled into the city. Let me.”

“Y/N put the damn card away. I’m paying.” Her voice is assertive and dominant and her arm stretches over you to tap her card.

“Thank you.” You say as you collect the drink, “You’re welcome but never do that again. As long as you’re with me, everythings on me.”

“Paige-“

“No arguememts, gorgeous.”

Yes ma’am.

The walk to Central Park is quick and filled with lighthearted chatter, between you and Paige. She reaches out to touch you multiple times. Her hand grazing your cheek to move a piece of hair, a protective arm around your waist as you cross the road and each time you felt your skin tingle and then a sense of longing once the moment was over.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You say as you find a secluded bench to sit on together. You sit so close, your legs are touching and Paige places a hand on your thigh, “I am too. Sorry it told so long for me to figure out.”

“It’s OK, I know you’re busy. I am too. But what do they say? Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.” The last bit comes out of your mouth without you realising.

“Your heart is fond of me?” Paige asks, the corners of her mouth curving up slightly and you feel a blush creeping onto your face.

“I didn’t- I don’t-“ You stutter out, unsure of how it would make Paige feel.

“No. Don’t backtrack. My heart is fond of you too. I wouldn’t spend every night speaking to you or I wouldn’t have drove three hours here if it wasn’t.”

“Really?” You ask, averting your gaze because it felt weird hearing that from someone. You weren’t a relationship girl, in fact you’d only ever been in one relationship and it was so far from perfect, you didn’t think people like Paige existed.

“Yes really, gorgeous.” Paige confirms, lifting your chin so you’re looking at her again.

“I thought maybe I was being too full on. I know people don’t like that.” You say, now looking into her eyes. Her blue, blue eyes.

“I’m not people. I’m Paige and you could never be too full on with me.”

“In that case…my heart is definitely fond of you.” You admit, now mirroring Paiges soft smile.

The air is charged as you sit looking into each others eyes, Paiges hand still firmly rested on your thigh. She glances down and your lips and you glance down at hers. Her tongue pokes out to run across them and your breathing hitches at the way they look, so plump and wet, slightly apart and you begin to lean in as she does the same.

Paiges hand leaves your thigh and finds your neck as your lips meet in a needy but gentle kiss. She pushes into it, her tongue slipping into your mouth and you moan at the sensation. You’ve thought about this moment, dreamed about it so many times but nothing could have prepared you for how it felt. Her fingers tangling into the back of your hair, her soft skin under your fingertips, her scent the only thing you can smell.

You’re both left red cheeked and slightly breathless and you can’t help but giggle at each other and as you do, the heavens open and rain begins to pour. You gasp at the feeling of water already seeping through your clothes and wetting your skin.

“Typical.” Paige laughs and she grabs your hand pulling you up from the bench and you both start running.

“Where are we going?” You ask trying your best to match Paiges strides.

The rain was heavy, already dripping down your face, blurring your vision and you kept a tight grip on Paiges hand hoping that she would lead the way.

“To find shelter…so I can kiss you again.” Paige breathes out and she looks to you, her hair so wet, it looks a few shades darker.

“We’re already drenched.” You say, her shirt is stuck to her skin, outlining her muscular physique and you can feel rain leaking into your shoes with every step you take.

Paige stops running but you can’t stop fast enough so you bump into her and she grabs your waist, balancing you, “You’re right. We are drenched so we might as well stay right here.” She says and she crashes her lips to yours again. It’s hungrier this time, her hand is firm on your waist as the rain batters down on you both, you grip onto her shirt, pulling her closer, wanting more, needing more.

You don’t care that you’re in the middle of Central Park, in the pouring rain. You care that you’re with Paige, finally and it’s better than you ever expected.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

a/n: hi i actually hate this 😖 i didn’t write for a few days while i was moving house and i feel like i’ve forgotten how to…

[itsa-me-lily]

First: How sfw/nsfw are we allowed to go with asks and whatnot, as well as stuff you won't write? I'm not intending on sending anything crazy, I just don't wanna cross boundaries

Second: Every guy in my family (minus one), married in or born in, is/was military, and I have heard that it's not uncommon for military spouses to cheat on their partner, especially when deployed. I'm not saying dear reader is cheating or anything of the sort, but I could def see some fresh dumbass recruits trying to pull the legendary Lieutenant's wife, if only for bragging rights. Curious how that would shake out (would the recruits ever be seen again, who knows!)

TLDR for the first part, I'm okay with NSFW asks and you can find my list of no goes (as well as the master list for Military Program Spouse) here

Now for the second part

Content Warning; Discussion of size (kind of), discussions of cheating (kind of) (please let me know if I'm missing anything)

Also Reader is fat, like size 18/20 pants, like there's a jiggle no matter what she's doing (remember kids fat isn't a dirty word what size you are doesn't define your morality, your actions do)

Also also please know that my brain does not want to let go of Reader telling Simon "well we wouldn't be in this situation if you could pull bitches" but I don't think it's going to fit in this

Honestly the sex talk had gone better than you had anticipated. In the past when you had tried to explain being demisexual and what that meant for your sexual attraction to other people you'd gotten blank stares, been told you were just picky or that you were just talking about a crush that everyone got. You knew it wasn't, but it got old fast. And while Simon stared as you explained yourself, he didn't push or tell you that it was some new made up sexuality.

It was refreshing.

You weren't even that offended when Simon had stated he had no interest of sleeping with you. You'd come to accept that you weren't everyone's cup of tea, not everyone liked a little jiggle in the wiggle. So you'd be two people who legally shared the last name, roommates, broskis if you will.

You'd agreed that any extramarital activities had to be respectful, discreet, and that if it turned serious divorce was an option on the table. Or well, you listed out your ideas in what you thought was a logical manner and Simon just listened before grunting what you thought was an affirmative and then turning on the TV for some sort of sports game. You were a theater kid growing up, you weren't a fan of sport ball. So the two of you started your married lives with the ever perpetual hall pass.

Not that you ever used yours. Again there was the fact that you only felt any real attraction or desire once you had gotten to know someone, felt a connection that...intrigued your soul for lack of better phrasing. And you are a very self sufficient woman. People weren't typically banging down your door to...well bang, so really you just went about your days.

It was probably why you hadn't noticed the recruit flirting with you at first. At first it was just a polite nod and acknowledgement of who you were when you had to come to base to fill out paperwork. Then there were the times you'd run into him while walking through the neighborhoods. Private (or was he Second Private? You never really paid attention) Pearson was alright, a pretty boy who seemed to know it, given how he seemed to preen with attention once you caught on to what was happening. Yeah he was alright but nothing that really wanted to make you deal with the headache of dealing with two men in your life. Plus you were pretty sure he had mentioned something about working with Simon? You were not a person who shit where you ate.

So you played dumb when he tried to flirt with you, and never took him up on any offers to 'help' you around the house or to show you how to use the gym equipment, after hours of course. The cockiest had to have been when he offered to help you 'stretch' any time. The smile he wore when he offered that one was so slimy you felt like you needed a shower after.

It all came to a head one day in the mailroom. Somehow a random package had been delivered to the house instead of on base, and since Simon was out doing god knows what somewhere in the world it wasn't like he could take it with him. So you were doing your good deed of the day and dropping it off. Only to run into Pearson, who was with friends...even better.

You had tried to just smile politely and wave, acting like you were in the middle of running Very Important Errands. It didn't help much. Pearson and Co still came up to you like you were all the best of friends, Pearson even being so bold as to drape an arm across your shoulders, or he tried you. You side stepped him easily enough to his annoyance.

You lightly chit chatted, looking for an opening to excuse yourself. You'd be blunt if you had to, but you really didn't want to deal with any back lash for being a 'bitch'. Though maybe you should have. He must have sensed your deep rooted desire to get the fuck out of there, because Pearson put on the grosses looking grin, leaning in as if to share a secret.

"The boys and I were going to go out for some drinks tonight. Why don't you come with us? Promise we don't bite."

The last part was whispered liked it was a promise of the opposite. You honestly wanted to barf. A) Drinking wasn't really your scene. B) Pearson definitely wasn't your scene.

"As tempting as that sounds, sorry boys. I uh- I don't drink."

"Oh come on pretty girl, one drink won't hurt you."

You wanted to roll your eyes as Pearson tried to tempt you out, reaching to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. Thankfully you had heard little rumors that maybe the 141 was coming home. Simon wouldn't mind you using him as an excuse...probably.

"Really I can't. Simon should be coming home soon and I still have things I want to take care of before he's back."

Maybe it was the threat of their CO being back that caused all of them to freeze for a moment, giving you the opening to slip out from their little triangle they made, making your way to the exit. Pearson must have really been desperate, or just that stupid to practically shout after you.

"Come on, you really can't enjoy him more than me right? Doubt he's really all that great and impressive."

Oh that stopped you in your tracks. Simon Riley was a lot of things, annoying, stubborn, an asshole, rude, louder than the fucking heavens when he snored, a person who didn't care if he used up all the hot water, one could even say he was creepy at times. He didn't open up about things, and acted like socializing was the bane of his existence.

He had a sense of humor that people seldom understood, but he still entertained himself. Scared you half to death dozens of times over with how fucking quiet he was, like he was appearing out of thin air, but he'd try to knock to catch your attention if you were in the bedroom or bathroom. Had what was probably a herculean amount of strength in a single bear paw of his, but you'd seen him try to offer a finger for Tombo to sniff when the little curly mop got curious.

You plastered on the biggest polite smile you had, the one that boarder lined on looking a little crazy with how much it stretched your mouth, and spun on your feet to look at the trio of men who really tried to try you this day.

"You all know my husband."

You didn't actually wait for a response as you walked back to the men, who all started to look like they were regretting their choices.

"Lieutenant Riley. You know, Lieutenant "built like a brick shit house" Riley."

You stopped directly in front of Pearson, hands on your hips as you met his stare straight on, before looking him up and down slowly.

"Really what makes you think you can...measure up?"

The scrunch of your face at the end made it very clear that you had decided that the younger man was severely 'lacking' when it came to any kind of measuring. Clearly none of them had expected you to react like this, given that they just stared gobsmacked as you shrugged and waved them good bye with the tips of your fingers, happily making a sassy exit to your freedom.

Simon Riley was a lot of things, and he was your husband. And no one talked shit about your husband except you.

Edit;

There's a second part I want to add to this that I'll probably work on this weekend. I'm very out of the habit of writing so it takes me a hot minute to get stuff down the way I want it. Anyway I hope you like this! And remember

A) Being Fat doesn't make you good or bad

B) I am a greedy greedy goblin who loves getting asks

[nouverx]

Guys maybe it's time for me to introduce my ocs 💥

Lehti is my main oc and the protagonist!! I created him in 2019 and he's the one I drew the most in my life. He's a human, though he doesn't look like one. He's very ostracised from society because of his appearance and his disability, the other humans even want him dead for reasons I can't really explain yet. He can't have any real job so he lives of thievery and decided to actively become a menace to society as vengeance 😈

Melek is his sign language translator/interpretor! She is his voice and his ears. She was an homeless orphan, he took her in and provides her housing and food in exchange of her services. She follows him around everywhere to translate everything for him. She wears a mask because helping out Lehti one way or another is seen as treason and is punishable by death by the other humans, so he makes her wear it to protect her identity.

At first their relationship was only transactional, with time they became more like siblings.

Maybe one day I'll turn those ocs into a real fantasy story, who knows

Some more rambling about my ocs teehee

Lehti is very fun but also enigmatic. He doesn't seem to mind being a wanted man, even pulls of the theatrics when he's being chased. He's very similar to Lupin the Third in that regard, very playful, loves the attention and likes to taunt and have fun while thieving. He has very low empathy and doesn't really get sad or angry easily. It's like "Oh everyone wants me dead for no reason? Fun!" kind of chaotic neutral. He does have a darker/more sadistic side sometimes when interacting with the humans, so he might be motivated by vengeance in a deeper level 🤷 who knows

Also he's transmasc!! If that wasn't obvious enough lol. Medical transition isn't a thing in their fantasy universe, but it's ok he's not dysphoric or anything. He gets misgendered a lot but Melek is the only one who hears it and she always corrects people so it's a win for him

I don't usually take the time to post or talk about my ocs because I always end up brainrotting about something else, I really want to try and draw them more!

Melek on the other hand is very timid. She doesn't speak much outside of her job and was really just following him around like a shadow at the beginning. She didn't really have any goal in life before and was just surviving, now that she has a more "secure" situation (aka not having to worry about food or housing anymore), she's learning how to enjoy life again and even create a future for herself. I love her and she's a character that I'd love to develop more!

[runnning-outof-time]

If It’s Meant to Be | John Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by anonymous

Pairing: John Shelby x fem!Reader

Summary: John and (Y/N) were friends when they were younger. Life, as life does, pulls them apart for some time before they find each other again while (Y/N) is helping someone who happened to be lost.

Warnings: season 4 spoilers…maybe?? (I’m re-writing canon to make things better), language

Word Count: 4450

A/N: if I’m being honest I quite enjoyed following your prompt/request, anon! I hope I was able to add everything you were hoping into it and that it turned out along the lines of what you were imagining! I’m sorry that it’s taken ages for me to share. Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

comment/message me if you want to be tagged!

If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. That phrase gets thrown around so much. John Shelby always thought that he and (Y/N) (Y/L/N) were meant to be. But things didn’t quite work out that way…at first.

They were practically inseparable as teens. All it took was one meeting near the cut for the two to know that they wanted to be in each others lives for as long as possible.

Wherever (Y/N) was, John was to be found close by. If John was out doing something, nine times out of ten (Y/N) was helping out in some way.

Family members often joked that the two were attached at the hip. Ada even went as far as to conspire with (Y/N)’s younger sister, the two saying that they were excited to become future sister-in-laws.

But things don’t always work out to plan.

The dream of the families uniting as one through John and (Y/N)’s union crumbled slowly rather than it just being one, major blow.

(Y/N) started delving more into her studies; having big dreams of graduating and going further in schooling so that she could make something of herself. She’d always wanted to have more than just the lower-level jobs that Small Heath had to offer. She still tried to see John as much as she could, but the nights that were once spent gallivanting around the streets together had now been swapped for study sessions.

John couldn’t be completely mad at his friend. He wanted her to succeed and have the life that she was dreaming of. Sure he missed her company, and truly relished in the time that they were still able to spend together, but to say that he was now left completely in his lonesome would be a lie.

John met Martha Davies when she and her family moved to Small Heath.

Unlike how he was with (Y/N), who he tried so hard to hide his deeper feelings for behind the mask of friendship, John immediately went forward with expressing his desire to get to know Martha better.

While (Y/N) was busy with studying, John was busy with Martha. It was easy to tell how quickly the two had fallen for each other.

The news - though it really shouldn’t have given how quickly the two became…acquainted with each other - came as a shock just only six months into John knowing Martha. Hell, (Y/N) had only met her a handful of times before John was excitedly telling her the news that Martha was pregnant and he was going to be a father.

(Y/N) should have been happy for him. And on the outside she tried her best to present her emotions that way. But deep down, her real feelings that she’d been harboring towards her friend for years now were being crushed. She always pushed them aside for fear that he only purely saw her as a friend; for the fear that her revealing them would cause him to run from her life forever. Now there was no way that he’d ever know of them.

John, who was just a few months shy from his final teenage year, was now going to be a husband and father — he felt it was only right that he marry Martha given the fact that they’d now share a child.

If John was going to grow up this suddenly, (Y/N) felt that she should to. Her prelininary studies were finished and she was ready to go and make something of herself.

And so she moved to London, one step closer to her dream but many miles away from the person who grew up alongside her.

— 1924 —

Ada was the first to learn that (Y/N) was back in town. She didn’t waste any time in inviting her to what the Shelby woman promised would be ‘an amazing evening’.

Many things had changed since (Y/N) had last seen the Shelbys. One of the more major ones was the fact that they had quickly rose into wealth and power.

On this particular evening, Tommy and his new wife, Grace, were holding one of their regular events; where people of power and prospective business partners gathered to shake hands and attempt to make deals. It was a circle that (Y/N) felt she was so far removed from.

Ada’s persistence was hard to ignore though. She kept focusing on the fact that it was a different sort of event for the family invovled, and that everyone would be thrilled to see her again. (Y/N) couldn’t deny the fact that she, too, would be overjoyed to see the Shelbys again…even if it meant that her heart might break.

She made sure to wear one of her more sophisticated outfits and that her appearance was as perfect as it could get. When the time to leave arrived, she checked over herself in the mirror one last time before grabbing her clutch and heading down to the car that was waiting for her.

The manor she pulled up to left her in awe. Never did she expect to be welcomed into a place as grand as this. But if there was anyone in her life, past or present, who could be capable of obtaining this sort of grandeur, it would no doubt be Tommy Shelby.

“(Y/N)!” Of course Ada was the first person to find her. “I’m so happy you came!” the brunette exclaimed as she hasitly pulled her into a hug.

“You doubted I would?” (Y/N) asked, trying to focus on her friend rather than the crowd of people present in the grand foyer area of the manor. If there’s this many people in the entry room, how many would be in the banquet hall? she thought to herself.

“Never,” the other woman shook her head, “come with me. The others will be so excited that you’re here!” she then said, taking hold of (Y/N)’s forearm so that she could lead her into the banquet hall. (Y/N) hesitantly followed, not quite wanting to see the man she used to call ‘best friend’ just yet.

Thankfully Ada pulled her to Polly first. (Y/N) was happy to see her. Polly was just as much an aunt to her as she was the Shelby siblings. And, much like Ada had promised, the older woman was thrilled to see her again.

Time quickly slipped away and (Y/N) truly felt like the tiny group that had been assembled were the only ones in the room. She quickly slipped into a comfortable state, the crowds of people truly disappearing as the women caught up on everything they’d missed out on in the others’ lives.

Ada was the first to be pulled away. She was found by one of the house’s staff — which blew (Y/N)’s mind…Tommy had staff now?! — who needed her because Karl was becoming restless and ready for bed. She promised that she’d only be gone briefly and that she’d find Polly and (Y/N) again as soon as she was finished.

Polly got pulled away too. Tommy needed her to meet a prospective business partner. He greeted (Y/N) warmly — after he realized it was her — and expressed his gladness to see her before asking his aunt to join him for a moment.

Now (Y/N) was alone in this crowded hall of people. She stood and did some crowd-watching for some time (people just being people truly fascinated her) before deciding to go and find some refreshments to indulge in.

But she didn’t make it to said refreshments table…and it seemed that she wasn’t the only person who was alone at the party.

Although there were people moving all around, it seemed as though she was the only person who noticed the small boy who was cowering into himself with fear present in his eyes.

Cautiously, and with a friendly smile, she approached the child, whose bottom lip was quivering. It was evident that he’d been crying. “Do you need help, sweetheart?” she asked him, keeping her voice calm and level in hopes to not spook him any more than he already had been.

The boy only nodded his head, his wide eyes matching hers. The desperation present in them nearly broke (Y/N)’s heart.

“Are you hurt?” she asked a question.

The boy shook his head, ringing his small hands together.

(Y/N) inwardly sighed in relief. At least he’s not hurt, she thought to herself, now what could be the matter? After racking her brain, she asked another question, “are you looking for someone?”

The boy nodded this time. More relief filled (Y/N)’s body. He said nothing in addition to his nod, though, so she still had some more questions to ask.

“A friend?” she asked, remembering that she’d seen several children running around the room earlier.

The boy shook his head.

“A grown up?”

The boy nodded.

Ok, on the right track, (Y/N) thought, nodding along with him. “Your parents?” she asked.

“M-my dad,” the boy finally spoke, his mouse-like voice breaking (Y/N)’s heart. What he said next shattered it even further into pieces, “my mummy’s not here anymore. She…my aunt said she went to heaven.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie,” (Y/N) gave her condolences with a frown. “How about we go find your dad, hmm?” she then asked, offering another friendly smile.

“Ok,” the boy nodded, reaching his hand out for (Y/N) to take. The woman smiled as she accepted it, and the two began walking, searching through the crowd for his father.

“Let me know if you see him, ok?” (Y/N) said to the boy. She’d just realized that she had no idea who his father was.

“Johnny there you are!” a young girl exclaimed, her eyes set on the boy (Y/N) had been helping.

“We were looking everywhere for you!” a second girl chimed in.

(Y/N) looked down at the boy, whose expression hadn’t changed. She crouched down slightly to be more on his level. “Do you know them?” she asked him.

The boy nodded. “They’re my sisters,” he answered, his eyes still focused on the girls, who were now approached them.

“Who are you, miss?” the older of the two girls asked once they stopped in front of (Y/N) and the boy.

“My name’s (Y/N),” the woman introduced herself with a smile, “your brother was lost and needed some help finding your dad.”

“Well we don’t know where dad is either,” the younger of the two girls stated in a matter-of-fact tone, “but Johnny can come with us. We’re dancing.”

(Y/N) looked to the boy, who had calmed down significantly now. “Is it ok if you stay with your sisters?” she asked, her eyebrows raised slightly.

The boy nodded his head, the slightest of smiles now present on his face. (Y/N) smiled back, happy that he was no longer upset. But he caught her hand before she was able to stand up straight again. “Will you stay with us, Miss (Y/N)?” he asked in a sweet voice.

The question really wasn’t up for decision in (Y/N)’s mind. She knew her answer right away. Hell, she had nothing else better to do, or no one else she needed to see…so why not pass the time with these kids? “Of course,” she answered with a smile, laughing softly as the three children all cheered in joy. The little group wasted no time falling into beat with the music and dancing with smiles on their faces.

Unbeknownst to (Y/N), Polly and Ada had regrouped and were now watching her and the children as they danced.

“I wonder if she knows,” Ada queried out loud, watching her friend dance with her neices and nephew with a small smile.

“I don’t think she does,” Polly answered, shaking her head. A tight-lipped smile was also present on her face.

“You two seen any of the kids anywhere?” the voice of John Shelby came from behind the ladies, “ran off a while ago…haven’t fucking seen them since.”

Ada and Polly shared a look, both biting back smiles. John was able to catch said look.

“Well go on…share it,” he pressed them, his brow furrowing in annoyance. He didn’t have time for this…there were drinks to drink and ladies to charm. If they thought he’d be spending the entire evening chasing after his children, they’d be dead wrong.

“Your youngest was up with Karl. He was asleep when I went to attend to him,” Ada shared some information about Maxwell Shelby, John’s four year old.

“And the others?” John’s brows were now raised.

“They’re right over there,” Polly answered, pointing a finger in the direction of the dancing group.

John wasted no time following her finger and when he did, his world stopped. No. That…that couldn’t be her…could it? Questions raced through his mind as memories flooded back. God, she looks more beautiful than the day she left me, he was so entranced that he just about forgot how to breathe.

“John?”

The voice of his aunt brought him back to reality, and he shook his head as he snapped out of the trance she put him in. A hand went up to scratch the back of his neck instinctively, and he hoped that he could play off his staring. The grins on both of the women’s faces told another story.

“He didn’t hear a word you said, Pol,” Ada snickered, loving the fact that she was able to poke fun at her brother.

“Oh fuck off,” John grumbled, trying so hard to keep his focus on his family and not the beautiful woman that was still playing with his children. A silence fell between the trio and John took it to do just what he was stopping himself from moments ago. “I…I, uh, I should…” he stopped his babbling, clearing his throat and trying to regain his wits. Christ, just the sight of her had him babbling like a fucking child. “I should probably uh, probably go over and see how they’re getting on,” his statement sounded more like a suggestion…which was weird because he was essentially suggesting for himself to go and do it.

“Go on then,” Polly wasted no time in agreeing with her nephew, motioning over to where (Y/N) and the children still were.

“Yeah,” John agreed, like it wasn’t even his idea in the first place. He didn’t move though.

“Grow a pair and get on with it, John,” Ada snapped him out of the trance he once again fell into, still grinning at the fact that John was very much acting like a lovesick fool at the moment. In fact she hadn’t seem him like this since…well since he was around (Y/N).

With one last glare, John finally heeded to their nudges and started off in (Y/N)’s direction. Her back was to him as he approached, and she was dancing with his eldest son, Johnny. His daughters, Jane and Katie, did see him coming though, their eyes lighting up when they realized he was there.

“Daddy!” they exclaimed in unison.

The yelling of the girls made (Y/N) stop what she was doing and turn. Seeing the person who they’d addressed made the breath get caught in her throat. No. It can’t be, she thought to herself, her heartrate quickening by the second.

John was - also - back to staring again. He still couldn’t believe that she was standing right in front of him.

“Dad…dad, did you hear me?” the sound of Katie’s impatient voice brought him back to reality. He focused in on his daughter as he heard the sweet sounds of (Y/N)’s giggles. They made it feel like there was heat being placed on the back of his neck.

“I…I didn’t, sweetheart, I’m sorry,” he sheepishly answered his child.

“I was telling you that this is (Y/N). She found Johnny and then agreed to stay and dance with us. She’s really nice,” Katie explained again.

Her being referred to gave John the go ahead to look at (Y/N) again. This time he willed himself to stay focused and not get lost in the memories they shared together, or how beautiful she looked.

“She helped me because I was crying and didn’t know where anyone was,” Johnny shared, “she’s really friendly. I think we could all be friends.”

John couldn’t help but chuckle a little as he watched (Y/N) stiffle her laugh. “Yeah, Johnny, I, uh…I—” God you look like a babbling fool right now, get ahold on yourself, John-boy, was ringing out in John’s mind.

(Y/N) watched him intently, waiting to hear how he would address the past between them. Would he address the past between them?

“I used to know (Y/N)…we used to be best friends when we was younger,” he finally shared with the children, feeling silly for holding his breath as he waited for their response.

There was a moment’s pause as the three little Shelbys looked at each other. It felt like eternity to the two adults, who looked as if they wanted to say so much to each other. Soon smiles formed on the children’s faces.

“That’s great that you’re already friends with her, daddy!” Katie exclaimed, beaming up at John.

“When can she come over?” Jane eagerly asked, her question making (Y/N) laugh as her heart bursted with love.

“That’ll be up to her,” John answered, laughing at his childrens innocent questions, the heat still creeping up his neck.

“Your father and I will have to talk about it,” (Y/N) added her own response, a sweet smile present on her features. She then looked at John, her expression telling him that they’d have to find each other later to catch up.

“Please talk about it later, daddy!” Johnny exclaimed, a pleading look present on his face.

“I will, Johnny, I will,” he assured the boy, nodding both to him and to (Y/N), silently accepting her invitation.

(Y/N) was resting against one of the balconies on the side terrace of the manor later that evening when she heard footsteps approaching her. She didn’t bother to turn and look; having a good idea of who could be coming.

“You followed through with the invitation,” she commented as John came to a rest beside her.

“Always do, angel,” John responded, his usage of her old nickname making her heart flutter.

It was one that he frequently used when they were younger…she was always doing the right thing; always acting like an angel. John loved to call her it in a teasing manner and though she’d wrinkle her nose up when he used it, she secretly loved it. Tonight, however, he used it in a sincere manner, and it just about made (Y/N) weak at the knees.

“You don’t know how surprised I was when I saw you with me kids,” John admitted then, looking out at the grounds his brother owned.

“The surprise was pretty clear on your face, John,” (Y/N) responded, giggling as his eyes shot to match hers; wide in surprise.

“Never was good at hiding stuff from you,” he said in a sheepish tone, shaking his head. “How’d you find out about this?” he asked then.

“Ada found out I was back in town. She invited me,” she answered. John made a mental note to thank his sister later. “It was nice meeting your kids,” she said with a smile.

“They’ll probably talk about you for days,” he said with a laugh, looking away from her for a moment. “Only good things I’ve left,” he mused, his tone sounded solemn.

Silence fell between them as (Y/N) chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if she should offer her condolences or not. She didn’t know if the wounds were still fresh, or when it had even happened. “I’m sorry about Martha, John,” she finally said.

“I am, too,” he responded, looking down at his feet as he took a deep breath, “feel bad for those kids most of all. They didn’t really even get to know her.”

“That must’ve been tough,” (Y/N) mused.

“It was…” John agreed, “it has been,” he then corrected.

“I’m home now, so I’m…”

“You’re home?” John cut into her statement, his eyes widening as they found hers again.

“I am,” she affirmed, smiling softly before continuing, “I’d be happy to help you with your kids if you need at all.”

John smiled as he heard what she said. He couldn’t lie, he was suprised by how gracious she was being. There were a thousand words he wanted to say, but all he was able to get out was: “thank you, (Y/N).”

For her, it was enough.

Silence fell between them once again as (Y/N) wrestled with yet another thought; one that she’d been wanting to say since he joined her outside. After a few moments, she finally took the leap and said it.

“You know, I always thought we’d end up together…I always thought that it’d be us,” she made sure to train her eyes on the darkened landscape as she spoke. She couldn’t handle seeing John’s expression as it changed.

“I…” John hesitated.

“That wasn’t me trying to insert myself into anything. I’m sorry if it sounded that way,” she scrambled to cover up, not even thinking of how he could have taken her admission. “I just…I wanted that to be known. I spent too long dancing around it without saying what I felt,” she took a deep breath, debating on whether to add anything more. There was one more thing she was burning to say, “I had-have a lot of love for you, John.”

It took a few moments for him to digest what she had said. Never did he think that she’d be admitting these feelings to him. He always thought that he’d have to keep his boxed away for the rest of his life. But now she’d put hers out in the open, it would be silly of him to withhold his.

“Hey,” he started, wanting to get her to look at him before he shared his confession. His one word statement succeeded in getting her eyes to match his. “I’ve always loved you, (Y/N),” he admitted, his voice holding a sincereness he hadn’t used in a while.

“You’re being serious?” she asked, the corners of her lips twitching as she wanted to smile so big right now.

“So serious,” he whispered, smiling as he spoke.

“I…” she paused to let out a laugh, feeling so silly for what she was about to admit to him, “I really wanna kiss you right now, John Shelby.”

“Then kiss me, (Y/N),” he wasted no time in agreeing to what she was suggesting, slowly moving to rest his hands on her waist. He was gentle in his touch, silently letting her know that she could break away if she wanted. She didn’t.

(Y/N) reached to take hold of his jacket’s lapels before leaning in slightly. John got the message, meeting her halfway so that their lips could—finally— meet. The — what felt like — lifetime’s wait for this moment was most certainly worth it.

— Three Years Later —

“Katie!” (Y/N) called out, knowing that the eldest child was in the next room over. Her joyful scream was a distinctive one, and the woman was able to hear it amongst at least two others. It didn’t take long before the girl appeared in the archway of the room John and (Y/N) were sitting in.

“Yes?” she asked, trying to catch her breath. It was obvious that she’d been playing.

“I need you and your siblings to try and keep your voices down, ok?” (Y/N) kindly asked.

“Why’s that, mum?” the young girl inquired.

(Y/N) froze before she could give her answer, her mouth agape. Katie had just called her ‘mum’.

Thankfully John was able to step in and continue the conversation—because it had became obvious to him that (Y/N) couldn’t. “Because mum’s just gotten Ella to sleep. We don’t want her to wake again,” he explained, motioning to the baby that was sleeping on (Y/N)’s chest.

“Ok, dad,” Katie conceded without a fight. Both John and (Y/N) gave a soft thanks and watched as she went to leave. She’d only moved from the arch for a second before returning to say one last thing, “you should know that it’s really Max who was making all of the noise.”

Her statement made both adults laugh. “Go on,” John waved her off. The girl gave one more toothy smile before running off to her siblings.

“Did she…?” (Y/N) finally got out, surprise laced into her words.

“She did,” John grinned as he looked at his wife, “mum.”

It may have seemed like nothing special to someone looking on, but to (Y/N), what just happened was monumental. This was the first time Katie Shelby had called her mum.

(Y/N) and John hardly spent a moment separated since the night they rekindled their friendship…which quickly turned into a relationship…which quickly turned into them getting married and having a child together.

With their dear little Eloise being born just five months ago, both felt that their family was now perfect. But even though (Y/N) took on the role of mother to John’s four children in every sense of the term, she never forced the kids to address her by the name. Martha was their mum, and not even her being gone could change that.

One by one, though, the kids began calling her mum. Katie was the last to hold out. The eldest girl would always address her as ‘(Y/N)’, and (Y/N) was perfectly fine with that. Which is why when the girl used the ‘m-word’ just now, she froze in her tracks. She couldn’t help but blush as she looked at John, who was grinning like a fool.

“She called me mum,” she whispered again, more to herself than anything.

“She did,” John repeated, his voice soft as he smiled at his wife.

If it’s meant to be, it’ll be is the phrase that always gets thrown around. Luckily — thankfully — for John and (Y/N), it was meant to be.

MASTERLIST

Tagged: @the-anxious-youth @mystcldydrms @look-at-the-soul @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing

@evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @theshelbyslimited @peakyswritings @watercolorskyy

@strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @stevie75 @dark-academia-slut

@zablife @cillmequick @letal-y-poetica @depxiety @shelundeadxxxx

@red-riding-wood @padfootdaredmetoo @crabat-the-queen @sebastianstangirl01 @everythingelseisextra

@kmc1989 @papichulo120627 @brummiereader @adaydreamaway08 @justrainandcoffee

@peakyltd @johannelis2302nely @ce1iat @wildheartsalwaysburn @dragons-are-my-favorite

@jessimay89 @slaymybreathaway @mysticalfuncollectorus @sleepyycatt @novashelby

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[procyonloser]

Serial killer AU pt 3, same warnings

Adam felt sick, but he couldn't bring himself to vomit, no matter how much he wanted to. He had enough food to keep going, but Lucifer wasn't about to bring him more if he did chuck it all up again, and Lucifer knew that. He seemed to do this on purpose after he brought Adam food.

He swallowed, throat threatening to not work, but he forced it down. He forced Lucifer down. No matter how many times he'd sucked him off, Lucifer always seemed thick, coating his mouth, a flavor that wouldn't leave him and one that overpowered any of the food he'd had prior.

But that wasn't even the worst of it. Lucifer had begun to fuck him, not just his mouth, like he had the last few days. Adam couldn't say no, not if he wanted to fucking survive, he just accepted the fact that this was going to have to be part of that life now, but he would hope alcohol might burn the worst of his memories out of his head.

Lucifer always took him on the floor, and he would always pull on Adam's collar, regardless if he was fucking him from behind, on his back, or making Adam ride him. No matter what, he made Adam know who owned him.

He'd not cum from it, but he would get harder than he wanted to - left with dreams that kept his thighs sticky upon waking up, only to be met by reality.

"That's a good boy," Lucifer mumbled, pulling out painfully slowly, letting Adam feel every inch, and how cum began to start spilling from him, down his legs. "Have you thought about how you'll benefit me yet, Adam?"

Adam froze, pushing himself to sit up, looking at Lucifer in confusion, panic skyrocketing through him. "Haven't I ... I've been...I thought-"

"What, because we had sex?" Lucifer asked in some astonishment, eyes wide, laughing as he asked it. "Oh, Adam. I can get that anywhere, there's entire apps dedicated to anonymous hookups. You're not special because of that. I want to know what you can actually do for me."

This wasn't fucking fair. Hadn't he dealt with enough in his life? Yeah, he'd been kind of an asshole, but his entire life had been a big goddamn game of kick the man while he's down, so sure - he was a dick, but he had to be, because anything else just made his life worse.

And now, he had to play jester to a fucking lunatic.

"I can help you," Adam got out, voice colored in desperation, body shivering. "With the bodies. I can't walk, but I could help you process the bodies. You'd be able to kill again faster? The... The media would freak the fuck out if your rate increased suddenly."

Lucifer hummed slightly, acknowledging Adam, though the only thing that seemed to catch good interest was the idea of scaring the media.

"A.. and if I'm an accomplice, then I'm not going to rat you out, right? Even if I could escape, I'd be just as guilty." Adam thought it was a good argument, but Lucifer only seemed mildly amused.

"Why would I want you?" Lucifer asked, and Adam's stomach sank, and his shoulders fell. "It's funny to me, that you're so eager to continue living. I looked you up, and as far as I can tell, you have no real friends, no popularity, there's an entire Facebook page of women complaining about you, your band is a joke, and it looks like your family disowned you a long time ago."

Adam only looked at the tiled ground, vision beginning to go blurry.

"It's not like you're some heartthrob either, you're chubby and you apparently live out of your van. So, it seems strange to me that you want to live so badly you're trying to appease me at every turn. Why is that?" Lucifer asked, tilting his head.

Adam didn't answer immediately, tears begging to run down his face.

This was probably it, wasn't it? Lucifer was bored of him.

"...I just wanted to believe I'd eventually be happy." Adam whispered, in a small voice, speaking truths about himself he'd never really told anyone before. There'd been so many months in his life he could have ended it all, but he kept telling himself if he held out a bit longer, eventually, he'd have a good life. He'd been wrong.

Lucifer reached out, to caress his cheek, tilting his chin up, but Adam closed his eyes, stray tears running down his face. "I don't want to die."

"You won't," Lucifer said in a more reserved tone, leaning in to lick the salt from Adam's face. "Not yet, little bird. Not yet."

[quojae]

-where taking photos of idols turns into more that you ever would have guessed-

f!reader, sunoo x reader, fan x idol, fluff, meet cute, kissing

a/n: hello loves 𖹭 i hope you enjoy this fic i tried my best to make it cute and fluffy but it definitely gets raw and intimate towards the end, happy reading o(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)o

wc: 11.3k

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

you went to school for photography, photography had always been one of the loves of your life, you would see a scene and just have the urge to take a photo. although looking back, you almost regret getting your degree in it, people always say not to mix your passion and your work. you should have listened, photography is one of those professions where finding stable work feels like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. the industry is oversaturated, and the competition is fierce. jobs hard to score, and the pay is often inconsistent, making it hard to rely on it as a full-time career.

at the time, you were stuck working part-time at a mcdonald's in a rundown part of town. the job paid just enough to cover rent and bills, but the hours were long, the work was grueling, and the atmosphere was depressing. you had a camera, of course, but it felt more like a distant dream you once held as a naive college student than something real. that is, until one evening, when one of your coworkers - someone you didn’t really know that well - approached you with an unexpected proposition.

they had an idea - a suggestion so simple yet so completely outside the box that, at first, it felt almost too good to be true. you’d never considered anything like it before, it wasn’t a big corporate gig, or some trendy magazine cover shoot, or even a commissioned project for a local business. it wasn’t even a photoshoot in the typical sense, but that was exactly the point. it was something raw, something spontaneous, and - most importantly - a reason to use your camera again, reignite your childhood passion.

your coworker, the one you barely knew and could hardly remember the name of, was a fan of a particular idol. the idol wasn’t incredibly popular, they rarely made headlines but was a recognizable, familiar face, you had been interested in idol’s at one point but eventually had to abandon the hobby in favor of paying your bills. this idol was attending a private, high-profile event - an exclusive gathering with limited access - where fans rarely got the chance to meet them in person, let alone snap a photo. 

somehow, your coworker had managed to get tickets to this event, which in itself was a pretty rare feat, they had an idea: "why don’t you come with me as my plus one?" they asked casually, almost as if they were offering you a ticket to a normal night out. but then came the twist. "i’ll pay you for the photos you take while we’re there. you know, of the idol. if you’re up for it."

the offer caught you off guard. at first, you weren’t sure if you heard them correctly, pay you? to take photos? of an idol? you had spent years hustling to scrape by, working part-time jobs just to keep the lights on. you’d never even thought about something like this - photographing an idol for money on the spot. there was always official photos, and some fans took photos from their phones, but going into these events with a nice, high end camera taking candid photos of idols, the idea wasn't necessarily ground breaking, people have done it before, but it made your heart beat a bit faster.

the more you thought about it, though, the more it seemed to make sense. here was a chance to finally break out of the routine you’d been stuck in. you could do something different, something that didn’t involve working under fluorescent lights flipping burgers at mcdonald's. it wasn’t a perfect opportunity, but it was an opportunity. something real, something that could get you one step closer to doing what you loved for a living. 

sure, there was a risk. not getting good shots or you freezing up under the pressure. you weren’t sure, but then again, there wasn't anything to lose. it was a chance to take your photography out of the mundane and into the world of exclusive events, star power, and actual exposure - something you’d always dreamed about but never quite reached. 

you agreed, of course. you had to. the idea, while risky and untraditional, was too intriguing to pass up. it wasn’t the glamorous photoshoot you’d always imagined, but maybe this could be your shot. so, you packed your camera and tagged along, unsure of what to expect but knowing that this could be the break you needed. 

when you arrived at the event, the energy was electric—idols sitting at their tables ready to sign posters and chat with fans, photographers buzzing around, and security everywhere. you were just another face in the crowd, but with your camera in hand, you felt a strange sense of possibility. the idol you were there to photograph was charismatic, surrounded by an entourage, but the moment you snapped the first shot, it felt like the world had opened up in a way you hadn’t expected. 

sure enough, the photos you took that night were more than just decent, they were actually pretty great. the light was perfect, the atmosphere electric, and the idol looked natural in front of the camera, by the time the night ended, you had a batch of photos that would go on to be worth more than you had imagined. it was in that moment that you realized how little you had known about the potential of your work. you had been so focused on following the traditional paths, waiting for commissions, applying for jobs that never seemed to come through, that you’d never considered going outside the box.

your coworker was absolutely thrilled with the photos you took. they couldn’t believe how good they turned out, and the way the idol had looked so natural and approachable in each shot. the pictures weren’t just great, they were special. your coworker practically couldn’t stop talking about them. the excitement in their voice was contagious, and you could tell they were more than just happy with what you'd done; they were impressed. they handed over the agreed payment, which was far more than you expected for something that felt like a spur-of-the-moment gig. you’d never made that much from photography in one night, it felt like you were finally reaching your dreams, it felt like you were finally being acknowledged for your passion.

the real surprise came a few hours later, when your coworker posted the photos on their social media account. They tagged the idol, shared a few behind-the-scenes captions, and - just like that - the photos took off. almost immediately, the reactions started pouring in. fans of the idol who had been eagerly following the event began commenting on the post, captivated by the authenticity and energy you had managed to capture. the photos weren’t just snapshots - they were a window into a moment, and it felt like people were getting a glimpse behind the idols polished public persona.

at first, the comments were more along the lines of casual appreciation like, ‘my bby looks so cutee’ or ‘the lighting on these OMG.’ But as the hours went by, something bigger started to happen. fans were flooding the post, asking for more. a few commented on how they’d never seen the idol look so relaxed or how these photos felt so much more real than the usual, heavily edited promotional shots they were used to seeing. then came the requests: ‘i LiTERALLY NEED MORE RN’ or ‘can you post more pics like these… i love the style of these pics’ others tagged their friends, begging them to look how great their bias looks. then, more offers to purchase came through.

One day at work, you coworker was talking to themself “i mean, these are really good,” they said, scrolling through the growing number of comments. “i bet people would pay for these. like, seriously.” 

they were right. what had started as a casual favor to a coworker had quickly turned into something much bigger. the more your coworker engaged with the comments and shared the photos, the more requests started to come in - both from fans and even other photographers who wanted to know how you’d managed to capture such a raw, intimate vibe with the idol.

your coworker, now buzzing with new ideas, suggested something that would change the way you thought about your photography moving forward: “what if you could do this more often? go to events, take these candid shots, and sell them to fans? it’s like, exclusive content. i know so many people who would eat it up.” it was a wild idea, but as they continued to scroll through the endless stream of enthusiastic comments, you couldn’t deny it - there was something there. something more than just a one-time gig, and secretly you looked forward to going to another event to take photos. seeing the idols was breathtaking. at the time you had been so caught up in your camera you forgot where you were, who you were actually seeing. you could feel the happiness growing in your chest as you thought about that day.

that moment, when your photos started to go viral, you realized just how much potential there was in capturing these raw, behind-the-scenes glimpses of idol life, it wasnt that you wanted to stalk them home or anything, but being able to capture their raw emotions at events, the real them, excited you beyond belief. it wasn’t about posing for the camera, it wasn’t about perfection - it was about getting a fleeting, authentic moment and making it available to the people who longed for it. you had even longed for it yourself, and sharing it with others was such a great feeling.

the more you thought about it, the clearer it became, why not take this momentum and build something on your own? you didn’t need a fancy studio or a corporate client to make a living as a photographer. the fans had spoken loud and clear; they wanted real, behind-the-scenes moments, glimpses of their favorite idols captured in an authentic way. So, you decided to seize that demand, and to evolve your approach.

the first step was creating an online platform - a website, a social media page where you could post and sell your photos directly. it was a relatively simple concept, but it gave you control over your work. no middlemen, no agencies, no waiting around for a call back. just you, your camera, and the people who appreciated what you were capturing. the platform would allow fans to request specific photos they wanted, and you could price them fairly based on the level of access and the quality of the shot. 

you didn’t have to reinvent the wheel, there were plenty of online photography stores, but what made yours different was the personal, exclusive nature of the photos. the idea was to capture the moments that no one else was - candid shots, spontaneous interactions, and moments that felt intimate or unguarded. tt wasn’t about just selling any photo; it was about selling the photo, the one that told a story or showed a side of the idols their fans had never seen before.

the next step was gaining access to more events. you’d have to be creative, find ways into concerts, premieres, fan meet, maybe even award shows, or private parties where idols were likely to show up. this meant networking, finding connections, and sometimes even pulling a few favors, but you learned quickly that where there’s a will, there’s a way. whether it was through your coworkers, friends of friends, or even just by paying attention to social media and learning about events before they happened, you became skilled at getting your foot in the door.

once you were in, it was all about capturing those moments. you’d snap a few candid shots, focusing on moments where the idol was relaxed, in a natural environment. you’d also make sure to get a couple of highly polished, high-quality images to use as teasers. it was all about creating anticipation. you’d post a few shots on social media, teasing the full set of photos, and maybe even share a quick, behind-the-scenes video or an outtake to drum up interest. the goal was to make the fans feel like they were getting an inside look into the world of their favorite idol, something they couldn’t get anywhere else.

the best part? the fans responded just as they had before, eager, excited, and hungry for more. the teaser posts on social media would ignite the excitement, with fans commenting, sharing, and tagging others. requests would pour in, ‘he looks so hot here, i want moree’ or ‘i need the entire set or i might just break down’ the beauty of this model was that it wasn’t about a few one-off sales—it was about building a relationship with a community. as you gained more followers and more fans, it became a cycle. you would post teasers, people would request more, and you could offer them full, high-quality images for a fair price.

as time passed, your online platform began to grow. word of mouth spread, and more fans began reaching out. you found yourself getting access to bigger events, seeing familiar names pop up in your inbox, and even having idols or their teams inquire about using some of your shots for their own promotional purposes. each new photo was a stepping stone, each set you posted was not just a transaction, but an opportunity to connect with your audience and further build your brand.

being an idol fan yourself, this entire experience felt like a dream come true. you had spent so many years admiring these idols from afar, watching them shine in the spotlight, and now you were not only in the same rooms as them but capturing intimate moments of their lives through your lens. after being broke and not having any time to keep up with them, to being so close to them and actively in their world was incredible. the fact that you were interacting with the people you once looked up to - and even more incredibly, that they were appreciating your work - was surreal. it wasn’t just about taking photos anymore; it was about sharing the same energy, the same excitement, and being able to offer something special to other fans who shared that same passion. you were no longer just a passive admirer, you were now creating something that allowed others to connect with the idols you loved so much.

as your platform grew in visibility, so did your reputation. word spread quickly, and what started as a small side hustle became something much bigger. you became a recognized name in the idol photography world, known for your unique, authentic approach to capturing moments that no one else was able to. 

one of the benefits of your approach to this whole new life was the anonymity it afforded you. no one knew your face, and that made all the difference. you could attend high-profile events, interact with the idols, and enjoy the atmosphere without the pressure of being recognized or approached. you were able to experience these moments as both a fan and a professional, without the hassle of the typical fan interaction. there was no need for the autograph hunts or trying to get the perfect selfie; instead, you had the freedom to enjoy the event, capture meaningful moments, and leave without the distraction of unwanted attention. it was the ideal solution - living the dream of being close to the stars, but still having the privacy and space to appreciate it on your own terms. it felt like the perfect balance between work and passion, what you had always dreamed of.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

it was supposed to be a normal event, just a fan meet, nothing too fancy, nothing too extravagant. you’d been to these kinds of things before, but this time you had put a little more effort into your outfit. you reached into the back of your closet and pulled out a blouse that felt just right, simple but elegant. you paired it with a cute black pleated mini skirt that gave off just the right vibe, mature, yet playful and cool. you accessorized it with a delicate necklace and some minimalistic earrings, thinking you looked polished without being overdone. you felt good about it, maybe even a little proud. this was your chance to blend in with the crowd but still stand out, to look like you knew what you were doing, like you belonged here.

but, of course, it was just your luck that, within the first five minutes of arriving, disaster struck. you hadn’t even made it past the entrance when you bumped into someone - just a girl in a hurry, not really paying attention. in the blink of an eye, her coffee went flying, splashing all over your pristine white blouse. your stomach dropped. of course, the one thing you had worked so hard to get right - your outfit - was ruined. the girl immediately started apologizing, her face flushed with embarrassment, but you waved it off, trying to brush it off as no big deal. "it’s fine, really," you assured her, even though your mind was racing. you just needed to get to a bathroom, quickly, before the stain set in and ruined your entire day.

you made your way toward the restrooms, hoping to fix things up. but, as luck would have it, the first two bathrooms you found were packed with girls, all standing in front of the mirrors, touching up their makeup, chatting, or taking selfies. there was no space for you to even get close to a sink, let alone grab some paper towels and start trying to clean up the mess. the minutes ticked by, frustration mounting as you realized that every second you spent standing around, the stain was likely becoming more permanent. finally, when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you spotted an empty bathroom at the end of the hallway - an oasis in your streak of bad luck. no one was around, the door was open, and you rushed toward it with relief, thinking you might still salvage your blouse. 

in your rush to get inside and fix things, you completely missed the sign posted outside the door. a simple, overlooked word, mens. you didn’t even register it before you burst into the bathroom. you grabbed a handful of paper towels, dampened them with water, and began dabbing at the stain with the urgency of someone trying to undo a mistake. it was already too late - the coffee had soaked in, and now you could only hope to minimize the damage. You could feel your heart pounding, trying to keep calm as you worked, praying that no one would walk in and catch you in the middle of your panic. 

a toilet flushed behind you, its sound startlingly loud in the otherwise quiet bathroom. you were so absorbed in your task, desperately rubbing at the coffee stain with a damp paper towel, that you didn’t even register the sound at first. your focus was on nothing but trying to salvage your blouse, one dab at a time. the stain seemed to mock your efforts, refusing to lift. you were lost in the rhythm of it - dabbing, dabbing, dabbing - when suddenly, the sound of footsteps broke your concentration. a man’s shoes tapped lightly against the tile floor, and before you could react, he was standing next to you, casually washing his hands at the sink.

it wasn’t until he looked up at the mirror that you noticed him. his eyes locked onto your reflection, and a squeak - more of a startled gasp - escaped his mouth. the noise was enough to make your heart skip a beat, and without thinking, you whipped your head around to see what had caused the reaction. the instant you turned, your eyes locked with his, and your stomach dropped, and you realized, you’re in the wrong bathroom. your pulse spiked as your mind raced, the embarrassing realization dawning on you at the worst possible moment.

for a brief, breathless second, there was complete silence between the two of you. your eyes widened, and before you could stop yourself, you let out a shriek of your own - a high-pitched gasp of shock and embarrassment that echoed off the walls. the man froze, hands still hovering over the sink, clearly just as surprised as you were. the realization that you had just walked into a men’s bathroom, had been standing right next to him, not even noticing until now, it hit you all at once. your face drained of color, and a flush of mortification spread across your skin, from your neck to the tips of your ears. you wanted to sink through the floor, to disappear entirely, but all you could do was stand there, paralyzed in the awkwardness of the moment. 

the man, equally stunned, stared at you for a long, excruciating beat, before his face turned a shade of red that could rival yours. every fiber of your being screamed to just run out of the bathroom, but you were frozen in place, desperately trying to act like you weren’t a complete disaster. you slowly took a step back, hoping to salvage what was left of your dignity - and maybe just run away before you could cause any more damage.

"i-i’m sorry," you stammer out, your voice faltering as your face burns with embarrassment. "i was in such a hurry i didn’t realize..."

"it’s okay," he replies, still blushing as he glances down at your blouse, his eyes briefly lingering on the stain. "you, uh... look like you’re dealing with quite the mess there."

"yeah... today is just a disaster," you admit with a sigh, your frustration evident in your tone.

he gives you a sympathetic look, then hesitates for a second, as though considering the best way to help. "it probably won’t come out with just water at this point," he observes, his voice trailing off as if he’s thinking through the best solution. without warning, he unzips his hoodie and pulls it off, handing it to you with a slight, sheepish smile. "here, use this. it should cover up the stain," he says, his eyes crinkling into cute little crescents as he smiles at you.

you blink in surprise for a moment, caught off guard by his kindness. "thanks," you reply, your voice soft, and you quickly slip the hoodie on, zipping it up. it’s a little big on you, but it feels warm and comforting, and you can’t help but return his smile, feeling a small spark of connection in the midst of your awkward situation.

"hey," he says, his voice hesitating for a moment, like he’s unsure of how to proceed. "i know this is kind of random, but… could i get your number? or, like, your instagram or something?" he looks sheepish, clearly embarrassed about asking, and you can’t help but find his shyness endearing.

you smile, feeling the awkwardness melt a little. "sure," you say, your heart beating just a little faster. he passes you his phone, opening a new contact, and you quickly type in your name and number. your fingers move quickly, but it feels like time slows down as you finish and hand the phone back to him.

"so, your name’s y/n?" he says, his eyes bright as he glances at the screen. "it’s pretty." he smiles again, and you feel your cheeks heat up at the compliment.

"thanks," you reply, feeling a little giddy despite yourself. "well, anyway, it was fun meeting you." you let out a small laugh, trying to diffuse some of the lingering awkwardness between you two. "i’d better get going so i don’t miss the start," you add, raising your camera to gesture to the event outside. "i’ve got photos i need to take, and fans i have to feed."

he chuckles, nodding in agreement. "yeah, fans have been pretty starving for photos lately."

you hesitate for a moment, unsure whether to leave or say something else. you stand there, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot, but decide to settle on something that feels right in the moment. slowly, you back toward the door, giving him an awkward wave and a smile. "text me," you say, the words leaving your mouth before you can overthink it.

he grins, his eyes still crinkling with amusement as you turn to leave. "i will."

as soon as the door closes behind you, you collapse against the nearest wall, your heart nearly pounding out of your chest. the rush of adrenaline, combined with the sheer mortification of walking into the wrong bathroom, has your pulse racing, but now there's something else, too. the encounter - the way he smiled at you, how effortlessly kind he was, the way your conversation flowed once the awkwardness wore off—it’s all a whirlwind in your mind. and then, there’s the fact that you’d just met the cutest guy you’ve seen in forever, and he’d asked for your number. your face feels like it's on fire, but there’s a grin spreading across your face anyway.

you squint up at the ceiling and slowly squat down into a little ball, clutching the wall for support as your heart continues to beat like a drum. the hoodie he’d given you smells faintly like him - fresh, with a hint of something sweet and comforting - and you close your eyes, inhaling deeply, trying to savor the feeling. the moment feels so surreal, so unreal, but you can’t help but feel like it’s the start of something unexpected.

for a moment, you allow yourself to daydream, imagining the possibilities. your heart is still racing, and it feels like it might actually burst from the excitement. you can hardly believe it - what are the odds? a mistake, a coffee stain, and suddenly you're having this perfect, bizarre, heart-thumping interaction with someone who, in any other situation, you might have never crossed paths with. if this keeps up, you might literally die from a heart attack - your heart can’t seem to slow down, and you can’t stop grinning like an idiot.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sunoo collapses against the sink, heart pounding in his chest, face flushed from the unexpected encounter. at first, when he saw her - y/n - he had just assumed she was some overzealous fan trying to snap pictures of him in the bathroom, which, crazy as it sounded, had happened before. it was a wild situation to even think about, but it wasn’t totally unheard of. the thought that she might be after some candid shot of him in a vulnerable moment made his skin crawl. but then he had noticed something that completely threw him off: she wasn’t even looking at him. instead, she was fixated on something else—the stain on her shirt. there was no glimmer of recognition in her eyes, no sign that she had any clue who he was. the realization hit him in an instant—she wasn’t here for him at all.

the more he watched her, the more he saw her quietly trying to clean up the mess, the more he found himself charmed by her. when she realized she’d walked into the wrong bathroom, it was so obvious how mortified she was. her face turned the brightest shade of red, and she stammered out an apology, looking like she might just melt into the floor. it was almost adorable. instead of being embarrassed for himself, he couldn’t help but find her genuine discomfort endearing. and on top of that, the way she casually interacted with him - it was like she had no idea who he was. no fandom craziness, no over-the-top fan-girling. just... a normal conversation between two strangers. it was refreshing in a way he hadn’t expected.

on a sudden impulse, he’d asked for her number. it felt like the most natural thing in the world. how could he not? a stunning, confident girl who was totally his type had just wandered into his life by accident. dating someone while being an idol was looked down upon, but as long as he hid it well it would be fine, it wasn’t even like he was the first in the group to get a girlfriend. heeseung had had a girlfriend before, and the members had all been through their fair share of relationships. still, the thought of a girl not knowing who he was felt almost unreal. he hoped she wouldn’t find out and suddenly treat him like a celebrity, though. it would definitely complicate things.he hoped when she learned that he was part of enhypen, the group she was supposed to be taking photos for, things wouldn't get weird. he hoped she wouldn’t suddenly act awkward or distant. he just wanted to be seen as... well, just him, the real sunoo, and despite his usual confidence about his appearance, he found himself hoping she would find him attractive, something he had never worried about before. 

he sighed, running a hand through his hair, and stared at his reflection in the mirror. things had been going so well, but now the uncertainty was creeping in. would she text him back? would she even remember him the way he remembered her? maybe he was overthinking it. he was always so fixated on how he looked, how others saw him. but with her, it felt different. like it wasn't just about appearance, but about a genuine connection. the last thing he wanted was for that to get ruined by the whole idol thing. the thought of her walking away, thinking he was just another fan-chasing idol, made his stomach churn. but all he could do now was wait and hope.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

on your way to the main event, you spot a merch table tucked off to the side. surprisingly, the line is practically nonexistent—something that’s unheard of at events like this. on impulse, you decide to hop in the short line, intrigued by the merchandise on display. as you glance over the items, your eyes land on a pretty album titled simply ‘romance untold’. it looks cute, with soft, pastel-colored artwork and a sweet, romantic vibe. even though you have no idea what the idols look like yet, you feel a tug of curiosity. there’s something about the way the album is presented that draws you in. you’re sure you’ll fall in love with the group once you see them today, and it’ll be the perfect thing to flip through when you get home, a little memento of the day.

after making the quick purchase, you make your way into the main event space. you find a spot near the edge of the room, a nice angle where you can get some great shots of the idols. the excitement in the air is palpable, and the sea of eager fans around you buzzes with anticipation. you try to ignore the faint sense of discomfort as the crowd surges forward, pushing their way closer to the front. it’s always like this at big events - everyone wanting to be as close as possible, desperate for that connection with the stars they adore. you can’t help but feel a little bad for the boys, though. constantly surrounded by this intensity, always being viewed as more of a commodity than as people. of course, you know there are fans who genuinely care about their personalities, who want to see the candid moments behind the performance. but it’s hard to ignore the way others only see them for their fame. it must be exhausting, being unable to have a real, personal connection when you’re constantly on display.

the event officially kicks off when the boys walk on stage, and the crowd erupts in deafening screams, fans shrieking in excitement. you raise your camera instinctively, ready to catch the perfect shot. but as the boys make their way across the stage, your eyes widen in disbelief. standing right there, just a few feet in front of you, is the cute boy you met in the bathroom earlier. it’s him. the same boy, the one who had helped you with your coffee stain and awkwardly asked for your number. he’s up on stage now, dressed in a sleek stage outfit, his smile shining as the crowd goes wild for him. you freeze, your heart thumping as you realize the person you’d spoken to in such an unexpected, ordinary setting was a part of this incredibly popular group, standing in front of thousands of adoring fans. 

your fingers hover over the camera, caught between snapping a picture of him on stage and trying to process the surreal realization. he's an idol. you can't help but feel a mix of emotions, shock, excitement, and maybe even a little disbelief. everything from the moment you met him in the bathroom suddenly feels like it was all leading to this. and now, as you watch him interact with the crowd, you can’t help but wonder if he remembers you - or if your interaction was just one fleeting moment, lost in the sea of faces he meets every day. either way, you can't deny it - seeing him up there, doing what he loves, surrounded by the energy of his fans, makes him all the more captivating.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

You get home to your small studio apartment that night with a jumble of feelings in your stomach, you really aren't sure how to feel about this whole situation. you can’t help but smile, remembering how he’d been so cute, but also completely sweet, offering you his hoodie as you stammered through an apology. for those few minutes, he was just a friendly, kind stranger who made you feel like a bit of a mess.

seeing him later on stage was like looking at an entirely different person. the easygoing, endearing guy you’d met in the bathroom had somehow transformed into a star everyone had come to see. the cheers, the eyes on him… it was like watching two different versions of the same person, both mesmerizing but worlds apart.

you wander to the tiny kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water, glancing at your camera where all those shots are stored - photos of the day, of him, some of his group mates too, but while at the event your camera couldn't help drifting to take more shots of him. you’ve always had an eye for capturing people in the in-between, those glimpses when they forget about the camera and just are, having those photos of him felt intimate and you almost didn't want to share them. 

you settle into an armchair by the window, watching the glow of the city outside. tomorrow, the photos will be waiting, and maybe when you look, you’ll find the boy from the bathroom shining through the idol on stage. for now, you close your eyes, feeling his kindness settle like a secret between you both.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

a notification on your phone startles you awake, and you realize you’d fallen asleep in your armchair while trying to detangle the events of the day. the screen casts a faint glow in the dim room, and you blink a few times, getting your bearings. ten pm. not too late, but late enough that you’d be dragging tomorrow. you pick up your phone and open the notification—a text from an unknown number. your heart skips, then flutters just a bit.

unknown: hey, it's late but i wanted to text you. i hope i didn’t freak you out too much when you saw me on stage today, and i’m sorry i didn’t say anything… it was just so nice meeting you without all the screaming, you know?

a smile spreads across your face as you read it. the way he texted was just like how he talked - a bit of a ramble, slightly scattered, but somehow so sweet. he was trying to explain himself, worried he might’ve left you confused, even a little hurt. but underneath the words was that same earnest charm you’d seen in his eyes back in the bathroom, that natural warmth he’d shown before you’d known who he really was.

you type back, fingers moving faster than your sleepy brain can keep up.

you: well, it was definitely a shock, but once i got over it, i think i actually managed to get some good photos haha

a pause, and then you bite your lip, feeling that tug of nervous excitement. he’d reached out - he hadn’t had to, but he did. part of you wants to say something clever, something that hints at how surreal the whole day has felt, but instead, you decide to let the moment be simple.

his next reply comes almost instantly.

unknown: can i see them sometime? the photos, i mean. it’d be fun to see your side of the day :)

another rush of warmth fills your chest. he wants to see your work. you quickly save his number, tapping in a name that feels right, even if it’s a little embarrassing: my cutie. maybe it’s cheesy, maybe even cringe, but it fits him somehow - the endearing guy behind the idol.

before you can think twice, you hit send.

you: absolutely! i’ll go easy on you and choose only the coolest shots… mostly.

my cutie: so merciful 😌 

you laugh, covering your mouth as if he could hear you from miles away. the way he teased you, with that same lightheartedness, made it easy to forget who he was. at this moment, he wasn’t an idol, a star, or even the guy in your photos. he was just someone who’d crossed your path in the most unexpected way.

you lean back, watching the messages pop up one by one, each more endearing than the last. it’s not long before the clock creeps past midnight, and you’re still talking—about everything and nothing. he tells you about the foods he misses from home, you tell him about the weirdest photoshoots you’ve done. eventually, his last text appears on the screen, the letters a bit more spaced out as though he’s getting sleepy too.

my cutie: hey, don’t think too much about today, alright? i liked meeting you… just you. i hope you can think of me like that, not all this other stuff. sleep well, my photographer :)

you stare at the screen, reading the words over and over, your eyes catching on the last two words, my photographer. Maybe you were reading into it, but your heart raced and a blush creeped up your face

you: sweet dreams..

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you woke up the next morning with a dull headache, the kind that reminded you you’d stayed up way too late. the soft morning light filtering through your curtains did little to ease the fog in your mind as you sat up and rubbed your temples. you really shouldn’t have stayed up so late. the night had been a blur of messages and thoughts, and now, in the quiet of the morning, it all felt almost surreal. your mind couldn’t help but wander back to the previous night, replaying the texts and wondering if it was all real. 

you grabbed your phone off the nightstand and unlocked it, scrolling through your messages. sure enough, there it was - your conversation with him, still fresh on the screen. your heart skipped a beat as your eyes scanned his words, and a flutter of giddiness spread through your chest. it was a feeling you hadn’t experienced in a long time, something light and warm that made you smile to yourself like you were holding onto a secret. 

you stretched and groaned softly, trying to shake off the lingering haze of sleep, but the thought of him made it hard to focus on anything else. after a few more minutes of half-hearted attempts to wake up, you started getting ready for the event you had scheduled today. normally, you'd feel excited to be at another idol meet, camera in hand, ready to catch those perfect moments. but today, something was different. you were a lot less excited about meeting the idols after meeting him. sunoo, with his sweet messages and even sweeter personality, had somehow made the whole idol experience feel less… important. how could you focus on anyone else when he was already occupying so much of your thoughts?

still, you pulled yourself together, slipping into your outfit and grabbing your gear. you left the house and made your way to the venue, your usual excitement returning as you walked through the crowds of fans, eager to capture the perfect moments for fans. you focused on your work as best you could, snapping photos with precision, but a part of your mind was always wandering back to the messages with him. your fingers hovered over your camera, your heart racing every time you thought of the next time you’d get to talk to him again. 

the day passed in a blur, each hour slipping by faster than the last. by the time you got home, you could barely keep your eyes open, but there was something more pressing than rest now, you needed to go through the photos. you decided to post a few teaser shots on your instagram, and checking your website to see if there were any new purchases. it was something you did every day, a small ritual, but today it felt like the least important thing on your mind. 

after a quick check of your sales, you set your phone down and settled onto the couch for a while. your excitement for the evening overtaking the exhaustion from the day, you picked up your phone again, your fingers itching to text him, to pick up where you left off. you couldn’t help but feel hopeful about the possibility of talking to him for hours, the way he made you laugh and made you feel seen - even if it was all still so new.

you jumped as the phone in your hand vibrated, the sudden buzz breaking the silence of the room. you glanced down, a smile tugging at your lips when you saw the name on the screen.

my cutie: hey, you free?

your heart fluttered. it was funny, you’d been just about to send him a message yourself, and now here he was, texting you first. you couldn't help but feel a little giddy at the thought.

you: yeah, what's up?

there was a short pause before his reply came through. you could almost imagine him typing, fingers hesitating over the keys, like he was still unsure.

my cutie: well, nothing really, just wanted to talk to you again…

your heart skipped a beat at his words. it was so simple, but the way he said it made you feel… special. he wanted to talk to you again. you smiled to yourself, feeling that warmth bubble up inside. 

you: that's fine with me haha, so how was your day?

there was a brief pause before he replied, and when his message came through, it felt so… gentle. his words were easy, like you were two old friends catching up after a long day.

my cutie: pretty good, actually. spent most of the day rehearsing, but it wasn’t too bad. honestly, it was nice to have a quiet day after all the craziness, and i kept thinking how nice it would be to talk to you again. so here i am. 😊

your heart skipped a beat. the way he said it was so sweet, and it made you feel like you were part of his day, something he looked forward to. you couldn’t help but smile as you typed your reply.

you: haha, glad! my day was pretty normal - took a bunch of photos, posted some stuff online… just the usual grind. but talking to you now is definitely the highlight of my day. 

you paused, then added another message

you: so, what did you get up to today besides being a super idol lol

a beat passed, and you could almost hear his laugh through the phone. when his reply came, it was exactly the kind of sweet, teasing tone you’d hoped for.

my cutie: oh, you know, just being a super idol... rehearsing, eating my weight in snacks, pretending to be a professional 😅 but honestly, i was kinda looking forward to this all day. 

you laughed, 

you: i bet the snacks were more important than rehearsal, at least they would be for me haha

my cutie: hey, snacks are an essential part of the idol lifestyle! gotta keep the energy up, right :)

you laughed out loud, feeling completely at ease now, like you’d known him far longer than you actually had. the conversation flowed easily between the two of you, natural and comfortable, and you found yourself getting lost in the rhythm of it. everything felt so normal despite everything that made this situation anything but.

you: i’m sure the snacks were well worth it. so, do you often just, like, have an evening off where you can do nothing?

my cutie: ha, you have no idea how rare that is. but, yeah, i get the occasional evening off. Although i usually just lay on the couch, eating snacks, and watching k dramas. sometimes i just need to forget for a bit. 

you: sounds pretty perfect, honestly. no better way to recharge.

there was a brief pause, and when his message came through, it was a little more thoughtful than the previous ones.

my cutie: yeah, it is. but honestly, talking to you like this is kinda the best recharge i’ve had in a while.

he quickly sent another message

my cutie: actually… i was wondering… how would you feel about meeting up sometime? we could, you know, hang out. maybe grab some food or something, just the two of us?

you blinked at the screen, your heart racing. it was such a simple invitation, yet it made your stomach flutter with excitement. He wanted to spend time with you, just the two of you. you quickly typed your reply, your fingers moving faster than you could think.

you: i’d love that. when were you thinking?

the reply came almost instantly, his message light and happy.

my cutie: how about this weekend? we can pick a spot, no pressure, just a nice, easy time together.

your heart skipped a beat at the idea of finally meeting him in person. it felt like everything was falling into place, and you couldn’t wait to share that moment with him.

you: that sounds perfect. i’m honestly so excited for it. 😊

my cutie: i’m really looking forward to it too. we can pick a spot, no pressure, just a nice, easy time together.

his words felt so relaxed and sweet, and the thought of a simple, carefree time together made your heart swell with affection.

you: can’t wait! talk soon, cutie. 😊

my cutie: talk soon! get some rest, okay? i’ll be thinking about you. 😌

You blush as you realize you called him a cutie over text. it wasn’t just a passing thought - no, you actually typed it out and sent it to him. You basically called him a cutie to his face, albeit through a screen, and now you're not sure if you're more embarrassed by the words or how quickly they slipped out.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sunoo was lying on the couch, completely sprawled out, his legs draped lazily over the armrest as he kicked his feet and grinned at his phone. he felt like a teenage girl, the way he was giddily tapping away, heart fluttering with every message from y/n. it was all so… effortless. so natural. talking to her felt like slipping into a warm blanket, and no matter how many times they texted, it never felt boring or dull. she was just so perfect in his eyes, so easy to talk to. the way she made him feel special without even trying, how her words were like little sparks of joy that lit up his day... he couldn’t help but smile at the screen, his heart swelling in his chest.

the conversations were always light, casual - never forced, always just right. but beneath the surface, sunoo felt something more. every message, every response, was like a sweet little secret they shared, even if neither of them had said it out loud yet. he was starting to realize he was way too invested, maybe even falling for her without meaning to. it was becoming obvious to him, but he still hadn’t figured out how to make her see it. 

his heart skipped a beat when he thought back to last night - he’d worked up the courage to ask her to meet up this weekend. well, he hadn’t exactly called it a date - he didn’t want to scare her off - but he had definitely dropped enough hints, he felt his face heat up at the memory of how nervous he’d been.

as excited as he was, there was a wave of uncertainty. he was so down bad for her, so caught up in these feelings that he couldn’t quite control. the reality of it hit him in waves, especially when he realized just how badly he was falling for this perfect woman. he couldn’t help but feel like he was a little out of his depth.

it had been so quick, but it felt so right. every time he saw her name pop up on his phone, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. and the best part was, she seemed just as genuine, just as real as when they first met, she always treated him like a real person, like he wasn't a global superstar, it was nice. and yet, there was still that little doubt gnawing at him. was she feeling the same way, or was he reading too much into their conversations? it didn’t help that his group members were starting to catch on. they’d tease him relentlessly, calling him out when he’d get all starry-eyed and distracted. 

sometimes, when they all gathered together, they’d look at him with knowing smirks, teasing him even more. but it wasn’t just his groupmates that were noticing. he couldn’t help it, he just stop thinking about her, couldn’t stop replaying their conversations in his head, imagining how things could unfold if they really took a step forward. it was terrifying and thrilling all at once.

and despite all that nervousness, that overwhelming feeling of uncertainty, sunoo couldn’t help but get even more excited. maybe it was reckless, maybe he should take it slow, but when it came to her, all he could think was what if… what if she felt the same way? 

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you woke up early on sunday, excitement buzzing in your chest. you knew today was the day. you wanted everything to be perfect - especially the way you looked. it was silly, you told yourself. you wanted him to like you for you, for the person you truly were, not just the way you looked. but still, there was that little part of you that wanted to catch his eye, make him think you were cute, maybe even a little alluring. just the thought of him noticing you in that way made your heart flutter.

you picked out a soft, fuzzy sweater that felt like a warm hug, paired it with a cute skirt and tights, something simple but put-together. it wasn’t over-the-top, just enough to feel confident, maybe even a little special. you took a few moments to do your makeup, just enough to highlight your features but not make it obvious. you wanted to look effortless, but also effortlessly cute. after a quick check in the mirror, you grabbed your bag, checked the time, and rushed out the door, heart racing with anticipation.

the coffee shop was just a short walk away, and you arrived a little earlier than you had planned. upon checking your phone, you realized you had arrived twenty minutes early. you smiled to yourself, relieved that you had plenty of time to settle in. you thought about grabbing a table to wait for him, maybe look over the menu or just check your messages, but when you walked in, your eyes immediately landed on him. 

there he was, sitting at a small table by the window, already looking at you with those warm eyes, a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks. just like the first day you saw him, he looked effortlessly cute - his hair a little messy in that endearing way, his smile soft and inviting. he’s already here? your heart skipped a beat as your own cheeks flushed, warmth spreading across your face. 

for a moment, you just stood there, taking in the sight of him, suddenly unsure of yourself. was he waiting for you? was he nervous too? but before you could think too much, your legs carried you toward the table. you smiled nervously, trying to keep your cool as you sat down across from him. you sat down across from sunoo, the nervous energy in the air palpable. there was a slight flush on his cheeks, the same adorable color you saw the first time you met him, and the way he smiled at you made your heart flutter. 

“hey,” you said softly, smiling as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m glad you’re here.”

“me too,” sunoo replied, his voice a little breathless. he adjusted in his seat, fidgeting with his cup before looking back at you, his eyes soft. “i, uh… i hope i’m not making things awkward. i don’t really do this often, you know? go out on, um, dates…” he trailed off, clearly trying to sound casual, but you could tell he was a little nervous. it was endearing. the way his words came out, a little stilted and unsure, but with a warmth that made you feel safe.

you couldn’t help but smile, feeling your nerves settle a bit. “it’s okay,” you said gently, reaching for your drink. “i’m nervous too, honestly. but it’s nice, right? just getting to know each other in a quiet, relaxed place.”

sunoo nodded eagerly, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “yeah, i agree. i like this. it’s nice not having to worry about people... you know, staring at us, or... getting distracted.”

the way he said it, so simple, made you feel a sense of calm. the pressure was off. it was just the two of you. the conversation flowed easily after that, like old friends catching up. you talked about everything—the coffee shop, your favorite books, movies, random little things that made you laugh. time seemed to slow down, and the more you learned about him, the more you liked him. 

as the conversation continued, sunoo’s nervous energy seemed to settle, and he started to relax more, his gestures becoming a little more fluid. you noticed how his hands would gesture softly when he talked about something he loved, and how his eyes sparkled when he smiled at you. there was something magnetic about him, even in the small, intimate moments.

after a while, you both finished your drinks, and sunoo suggested moving on to the second part of the day. “so, i was thinking... do you want to go to the aquarium after this? i know it’s a little cliche, but i think it could be fun.” he looked at you with those wide, hopeful eyes, waiting for your response.

you smiled, feeling a wave of warmth fill your chest. “that sounds perfect. i love aquariums. it’s kind of romantic too, don’t you think? all those beautiful fish, soft lighting... it could be peaceful.”

sunoo’s face lit up. “yeah! exactly! i thought it might be nice, too.”

you both stood and walked out of the coffee shop together, the air crisp against your skin. sunoo seemed to walk a little closer to you now, and you couldn’t help but notice how your arms brushed occasionally. you could feel the electricity in the air—those small moments of closeness that made everything feel more meaningful.

when you arrived at the aquarium, the dim lighting and soothing sounds of water immediately set the tone. it was quieter here, peaceful. the gentle sway of the sea creatures and the soft glow of the tanks made everything feel almost dreamlike. as you strolled through the exhibits, you found yourselves walking slowly, side by side. sunoo kept glancing over at you, a soft smile on his face.

“this is nice,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “i’m glad we did this. it’s just… calm. and we can just… talk, you know? no pressure.”

you nodded, your heart swelling. “yeah, i feel the same. it’s nice to be able to take it slow. no rushing.”

there was a slight pause, the quiet around you only amplified by the soft bubbling of the water in the tanks. you stopped in front of a large tank filled with glowing jellyfish, their bodies floating gracefully. the soft light made everything feel even more serene. sunoo glanced at you and then at the jellyfish, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“i think i like that about you,” he said, his words a little hesitant but so genuine. “you make me feel like i can just be myself around you.”

you looked at him, surprised by the tenderness in his voice. your heart skipped a beat as you realized how much it meant to share this moment together, you responded softly, your gaze meeting his a slight smile on your lips, “i’m really glad i’m here, with you.”

sunoo’s expression softened, his eyes searching yours for a moment before his lips curled into a small, shy smile. “me too. i didn’t think it’d feel this… nice. i guess i was kind of nervous, but now…” he trailed off, taking a small step closer. “i don’t want this to end, you know?”

you could feel your breath catch at his words, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out gently, brushing your fingers against his hand. his eyes flickered down to your hand, then back to your face, a soft blush creeping up his neck. “i don’t either,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. “i like this. being with you.”

there was a moment of silence, the world around you fading into the background as you both stood there, just looking at each other. the soft glow of the aquarium illuminated his face, and for a second, you felt like you were the only two people in the world. everything felt so simple, yet so perfect.

sunoo took a deep breath, as if summoning the courage for something. “do you maybe… want to do this again sometime? i mean, not the aquarium. but… you know. like, a real date. with you.”

your heart skipped, and you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “i’d like that,” you said softly, your voice filled with warmth. “i really would.”

sunoo smiled back, the shy, endearing boy you’d come to know so well, and for a moment, it felt like everything was falling perfectly into place. the date was everything you had hoped for - and more.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you left the aquarium, your mind still buzzing from the experience, but there was something else now - an undeniable tension in the air between you two. it felt different, almost electric. you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but every time your hands brushed, it felt like something more than just a coincidence. 

then, as you walked side by side down the sidewalk, sunoo’s hand gently found its way into yours. the warmth of his fingers wrapping around yours made your heart skip a beat. you didn’t even have time to process the action before a blush crept up your cheeks. looking over at him, you noticed his cheeks were flushed too, and his eyes were slightly widened, almost like he was still surprised by his own boldness. it was the sweetest thing you’d ever seen.

the two of you continued walking, your steps a little slower, savoring the moment. when you reached a quieter part of the sidewalk, you stopped and turned to face him. sunoo paused too, his eyes searching yours with a hint of curiosity.

you felt your heart race, your mouth suddenly dry. "i was wondering..." you started, unsure of how to phrase it, the words coming out more nervously than you intended. "would you want to come over and watch a movie?" 

as the question left your mouth, you immediately felt heat rise in your face. it sounded so simple in your head, but now that it was out in the open, it felt much more vulnerable. “i-i’m just not sure i want today to end yet,” you mumbled, barely able to make eye contact, your blush deepening.

for a moment, the air seemed to hold its breath, and you were starting to feel like maybe you’d overstepped. but then you saw it—the way sunoo’s eyes softened, his lips curling into that familiar, shy smile you’d come to adore. he looked at you with a sense of warmth that made your heart flutter.

“honestly, i would love that,” he replied, his voice gentle, and there was something about the way he said it that made you feel like everything was falling into place.

your heart swelled with relief and excitement as you both continued holding hands, walking back to your place. the city lights around you were soft, casting a warm glow as you made your way to your apartment. it felt like the perfect end to a perfect day, and yet there was a sense of anticipation in the air, like something more was about to unfold.

once you got inside, the familiar comfort of your apartment seemed to settle around you. you slipped your shoes off and sank onto the couch, the soft cushions inviting you in. then, without really thinking about it, you moved a little closer to sunoo, leaning into him just enough to feel the warmth of his body against yours. you were suddenly aware of the way he tensed up a little, but it didn’t last long - he quickly relaxed into the position, and you could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest as he settled beside you. 

you could both feel the electricity of the moment, the growing closeness that you both had been dancing around all evening. your stomach fluttered with nerves, but it felt right. it felt like you were both figuring out what this was. you grabbed the remote, trying to distract yourself a movie. you chose one of the first films that popped up on the screen—something lighthearted, you thought. but as the opening credits rolled, you suddenly realized you had made a terrible mistake. you hadn't checked the rating, and it was definitely not the kind of movie you’d intended. the film was rated R, and as the characters in the movie started to get closer, you felt the heat rise in your face again.

you tried to keep your focus on the screen, but every time the camera panned to the characters, your eyes couldn’t help but dart over to sunoo. you caught him quickly glancing away, a nervous chuckle escaping him. his whole body was a little tense, like he was trying to avoid acknowledging the fact that you were both watching an incredibly intimate scene. 

the background noises from the movie only made things worse - moans and heated whispers. the tension between you two was palpable, like you could cut it with a knife. you were both blushing furiously, trying to ignore the scene unfolding, but it was impossible.

you tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a strangled cough. you grabbed the remote in a panic, fumbling with it as you quickly skipped ahead, fast-forwarding past the scene with a little too much force. but even as the steamy scene disappeared from the screen, the awkward energy lingered, and you both sat there, still feeling the weight of the moment.

for a long while, neither of you spoke. the movie played on, but it was clear that neither of you were really paying attention to it anymore. sunoo glanced over at you with a nervous smile, the soft lines of his face lit by the glow of the television screen. 

you couldn’t help but lean in closer, the pull between you two too strong to ignore. you knew you probably shouldn’t, considering that whatever was going on between you was still undefined, and maybe rushing it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. but in that moment, it didn’t matter. the space between you seemed to shrink with each passing second, and you just couldn’t hold back anymore. 

you glanced up at sunoo, and the warmth in his eyes made your heart flutter. there was a quiet intensity there, a longing that mirrored your own, and in that look, you found something you hadn’t expected - he wanted this too. 

without thinking, you shifted, positioning yourself so you were now facing him, your body comfortably nestled in his lap. he clearly hadn’t expected the sudden move, and you could feel his breath hitch in surprise, but there was no tension, no hesitation. he relaxed almost immediately, his hands gently settling on your waist, as though he was silently saying, it’s okay, I want this too.

you paused for a moment, just taking him in. sunoo wasn’t bulky, not like other guys you had met, but he was slender and graceful, his body still holding the quiet strength of someone who took care of himself. his frame felt right against yours, and his face - so beautiful, so expressive - made your heart race. there was something about him, something that made every word feel softer and every movement feel like it meant something more. 

his eyes flickered to your lips and back up to your eyes, a silent invitation, and without even thinking, you leaned in slightly. in a moment of shared understanding, he closed the distance between you two, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was gentle. his lips were soft and warm, the touch sweet. everything about the kiss was tender, but you could feel the undercurrent of desire in it. it was like he was pouring everything into that moment - the way he pulled you closer, his hands now gently resting on the curve of your back, holding you to him as if you might slip away. it was a sweet, almost perfect kiss, just like him - full of emotion, but soft, full of warmth and affection, like he was telling you everything he couldn't quite say with words. you broke the kiss, your faces still inches apart, both of you breathing a little faster, hearts racing. the air between you was thick with unspoken words, but there was an understanding. whatever this was between you - however undefined or new - it was real.

he broke the silence with a simple sentence “i don't want to go on anymore dates that might not be dates,” he said with a laugh, “i really want to go out with you for real, i’m in love with you.”

you smile, your heart still racing, “me too, i'm in love with you too.”

[chimcess]

→ Chapter Eleven: Following Rivers Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Werewolf!Jimin, Witch!Reader, Shifter!Reader, Shifter!Jimin, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha!Jimin Genre: Supernatural!AU, Werewolf!AU, Angst, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Smut, Word Count: 14.5k+ Synopsis: Within the four realms of Lustra lay the Bangtan forest home to the Foxglove pack of the south and known as the “land of magic.” It is also home to the Bridd, a powerful witch from a cursed bloodline who is one of the sacred guardians of the forest. Y/N is the newest Bridd, a young girl who was given her position too early. Now a woman, Y/N is revered amongst the wolves as the most powerful witch they have ever known, but hiding under the surface is a woman who has to battle between her duty and her heart. Warnings: ANGST, strong language, PTSD, flashbacks, self-hate, self-depreciation, talks of death, everyone is going through it, getting to know some more characters, love-triangle, Jin is being kind of a dick, I promise we'll start seeing more Jimin as this goes on but he's just really depressed right now, Sam is a HUGE flirt, Kook is a vibe and I love him, Secrets to be reveled later, disabilities are going to be a huge part of Yoongi's life now and his arc so bear with a lot of that being in his povs, he's my favorite person in this series (so far, later you'll meet by baby for life), possibly wrong medical terminology, sexism and misogyny will be hinted at, everyone is going through it, lots of grief and heartache, Babyboy just wants his best friend back, mourning her life she's dead, let me know if I missed anything... A/N: Thanks for reading <3

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Yoongi pov

The night hummed with an eerie energy, alive with murmurs that made the air feel thick and electric. The new witches had gathered, their voices weaving together, filling the darkness with spells that seemed to breathe and shift around us. I sat on the porch, my fingers tracing the worn lines in the wood, trying to remember when I could still look up and see the stars. Before everything became shadows and shapes I couldn’t quite make out.

The clash with the elves had left me like this—caught in a strange, half-blind world. It didn’t take all my sight, but what was left was blurred and foggy, like a permanent mist hovering in front of me. I’d catch a flash of movement or a glimmer of light, but it would vanish before I could be sure it was real. It was maddening—a reminder of everything I’d lost, every single day.

Blindness wasn’t the darkness I’d imagined. It wasn’t nothingness; it was worse. It was this hazy dream I could never wake from, where sounds felt bigger and sharper, and the world I knew slipped further away each day. Even the crickets, which used to be comforting, now grated on my nerves, their chirps too loud, almost painful. Leaves rustling in the wind scratched at my ears, reminding me of how much had changed.

The porch used to be my refuge. I could almost see Bridd and me sitting here years ago, trading stories as the sky darkened and fireflies began to blink. Those days felt like they belonged to someone else now, someone who hadn’t been left behind. Now, I was just trying to keep up, stumbling to find my place in a world that had become a stranger. I felt like I was slipping more often than not, the weight of everything pressing down, suffocating and relentless.

Laughter from next door cut through the quiet like broken glass. Sharp and startling, it reminded me that the world outside my darkness was still alive, still spinning. I’d always felt a little disconnected, but now it was like I’d been completely cast out, left to linger on the edges while everyone else went on with their lives.

I took a deep breath, the air heavy and thick. Memories clung to me like smoke, lingering in the silence. The witches’ voices grew softer, their spells fading into the night, and I felt everything more intensely now—the rough wood under my fingers, the sounds, the memories.

Then, footsteps. I heard her voice, soft and familiar. My mother. “Yoongi,” she said, her warmth reaching me before her touch did. “How are you holding up?”

I took a shaky breath. “Trying,” I said, and the word felt heavier than I could explain. “Just…trying to find my way.” It felt like climbing a hill I couldn’t see, carrying all the weight of what I’d lost.

She sat down next to me, her hand gentle on my shoulder. “You don’t have to do it all alone,” she murmured. “It’s okay to rest. To take things slowly.” Her words wrapped around me like a soft spell. “It’s alright,” she repeated.

I nodded, feeling my head dip forward. “I miss her,” I whispered. “Bridd… she made it all easier.”

She sighed, her hand steady. “She was special. But remember, there are still people here who care about you, Yoongi. Seokjin’s still here. Maybe you could reach out to him.”

Her words stirred something—maybe hope, maybe fear. Seokjin had once been an anchor for me, but now it felt like we were drifting, each of us lost in our own way. “I don’t want to be a burden,” I mumbled.

“You’re not,” she said firmly. “Friendship isn’t a burden—it’s something we share. You were there for them; now let them be there for you.”

Her words stayed with me, even as the witches’ laughter rose again, filling the night with a reminder of everything I couldn’t see. Wendy’s laugh rang out, soft and familiar, laced with something unspoken that lingered between us. I knew her feelings, even if we’d never said it out loud. But my heart… it was somewhere else, always just out of reach.

And then Wendy was closer. I felt my mother’s hand on my shoulder, grounding me, as Wendy’s voice cut through the night. “Yoongi!” she called, her tone bright but with a hint of something fragile beneath it. There was something in her voice that drew me in, even though I knew how dangerous it could be to let her in too far.

Jin and I were already on thin ice, and if he saw us like this, he’d definitely get the wrong idea.

“Hey,” I said, my voice coming out tight. Wendy stepped closer, her warmth hitting me before her hand did—just like my mother’s touch. She always had this way of seeing right through me, straight to the parts I tried to keep hidden.

“You okay?” she asked softly, her tone so gentle, like I was made of glass. I hated that she even had to ask.

I shrugged, the movement small and stiff. “Just thinking,” I muttered, barely meaning it. It was a filler, a shield. “Got a lot on my mind.”

She paused, letting the silence sit heavy between us. I could almost feel her studying me, like she was trying to piece me together. “You don’t have to do this alone,” she finally said. “We’re here for you, Yoongi. Jin and I…we care about you.”

Hearing Jin’s name hit me with a pang of something—hope, maybe, mixed with doubt. Did they really get it? Or were they just saying what they thought I needed to hear? I wanted to believe them, but that nagging doubt wouldn’t quit.

“I’m used to it,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I’m fine.” It was easier to be alone in my head, to keep everything locked away where no one could reach it.

Wendy shook her head, stepping in closer. “You’re not fine,” she whispered. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to be.” Her fingers brushed against mine—a small touch, but there was a tremor in it. She was scared too. We all were.

In that tremble, I felt something real, something solid. Maybe…maybe enough to take one more step forward, to move toward a world that didn’t feel like my own anymore. I nodded, just a small tilt of my head, and she stayed. No more words, just her warmth beside me as the witches’ laughter faded in the distance. It wasn’t everything. It wasn’t what my life used to be. But it was enough for now—to keep breathing, to keep moving.

“I don’t want to be a burden,” I whispered, almost too quiet to hear. Being vulnerable felt foreign, like it was borrowed from someone else.

“You’re not a burden, Yoongi,” Wendy said, her voice soft but steady. “You’re my friend. We care about you.” Her words hung in the air—delicate but so powerful.

The chatter and laughter around us felt louder then, a reminder of all that was bright and alive in their world. The world I wanted to reach again but didn’t know how. I sat there, the distance between us like a wall separating their colorful lives from my shadows.

The horizon stretched before me like an endless fog, a blur that mocked me, a constant reminder of what I’d lost. Days had passed like this, silent and heavy, filled with burdens I kept to myself, not wanting to weigh others down. Wendy’s voice was a quiet anchor, though, pulling me back from the edge.

“Yoongi,” she said, her words gentle, a lifeline. “I know it’s hard, but if you ever want to talk, I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

For a second, I almost told her I was fine. Pretending was easier, a mask I’d perfected over time. And the words did come, almost automatically.

“I’ll manage,” I said, but even I could hear how empty they sounded.

Wendy didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away. She just waited, her patience a steady presence beside me. Silence settled around us, thick with everything unspoken, all the fears I’d locked away. Finally, I looked down, the truth hovering on the edge of my mind, but I held it back.

“I’m not used to asking for help,” I finally admitted, the words coming out rough, almost resentful.

As I said it, regret flickered through me—showing weakness like this felt wrong. The days since my injury had blurred together, each one marked by this fog that clouded my sight. Sometimes I thought I saw things—faces, trees, the distant horizon—but they always slipped away. It was as if my eyes were covered in jelly. The harder I tried to see, the worse it got. So, I’d learned to rely on other senses—the sound of a voice, a hand’s touch, the scent of the forest around me. But it wasn’t the same. It would never be the same.

Wendy moved closer, her warmth cutting through the chill creeping in with the night. The shadows around us felt less intimidating with her beside me. I could feel her gaze, steady and searching, like she could see past all the walls I’d built to the doubts and fears I tried to keep hidden. But I kept those walls up.

“Yoongi,” she said softly, her voice firm but gentle, like she was tossing me a lifeline. “This doesn’t have to be everything, not right now. Just take it one step at a time. I’ll be here with you.”

Her words were comforting, but I didn’t let myself hold onto them. I couldn’t. Vulnerability felt too dangerous now, after everything I’d lost. So I just gave her a nod, a silent acknowledgment. Nothing more.

“Okay,” I murmured, more to keep her from worrying than anything else. “I’ll…try.”

But trying felt impossible some days. Every moment was a battle. Losing my sight had taken so much more than just my ability to see—it had pulled the world out from under me. Faces, landscapes, even the simplest things now felt foreign and unreachable. I found myself pulling away, retreating from the world and clinging to the past, tracing familiar shapes with my fingers, trying to remember what they used to look like. I wasn’t just blind—I was a stranger to myself.

Wendy’s hand rested on mine, her touch a steady reminder that I wasn’t entirely alone, even if it sometimes felt that way. Something flickered inside me, something I refused to name as hope. Hope was too fragile. I’d learned to live without it. I just focused on her hand in mine, and that was enough—or at least, it had to be.

But even with her there, memories clawed their way back—the chaos of that last battle, the roar of voices, the clash of weapons. The elves had come at us with everything they had, leaving no mercy. I could still feel the weight of that moment, the way darkness had swallowed me whole and left me here, grappling with nothing. My fists clenched without meaning to, the memories hitting hard.

“Wendy,” I started, my voice thick, my walls barely holding. “What if this is it? What if I can never really be a part of things again? What if I’m just…a burden?”

Her hand tightened on mine, a solid anchor. “Don’t say that,” she replied firmly, her voice a steady beat in the storm. “You’re not a burden, Yoongi. You’re still you. That matters more than anything. Even if you can’t see, you’re still one of us.” She softened, her words warmer, sinking into me. “Being open is a step toward healing. Don’t let fear take that away from you.”

I nodded, but I still couldn’t fully believe her. It felt safer to keep a distance, to hold onto the pain like armor. I didn’t want to drag her down with my despair, didn’t want to risk the letdown that came with hope. So I swallowed back the emotions, burying them where they wouldn’t touch anyone else.

The witches’ laughter drifted over, light and distant, reminding me that life still existed out there, in a world I couldn’t reach—not yet, maybe not ever.

“Thank you,” I whispered, meaning it even though the words felt fragile. I hadn’t realized how much I needed her assurance, her steady reminder that I wasn’t weighing everyone else down. But even as I said it, I knew I couldn’t lean on her too much. I had to stand on my own, even if that meant facing it all in silence.

The night deepened, and Wendy stayed, her presence grounding me, pulling me back from the edge. She was like a lighthouse in this fog I was stuck in, a reminder that maybe things could be different one day. I let myself imagine it, just for a second—that maybe, somehow, I could belong again. But I quickly pushed the thought away. I didn’t have room for dreams.

Wendy’s fingers tightened slightly, her gaze lifting to the stars scattered across the sky. “Yoongi,” she murmured, her voice carrying that unbreakable hope she always seemed to have, “We’ve all lost something. None of us feel whole, not completely. But we can help each other move forward, one step at a time.”

I caught the slight tremor in her voice, that hidden hurt that I knew all too well. Her mother’s death in the last battle had left a wound we all felt, a gap that reminded us of what the war had taken. That final clash had left us all scarred in ways that didn’t show.

I looked at her, our grief mingling in the quiet, binding us in this shared loss. “With Bridd gone… it’s hard to hold on to hope,” I admitted, the words raw and real. Bridd had been a constant, someone we all relied on. Without her, everything felt fractured.

Wendy’s eyes met mine, fierce and unwavering. “Bridd is strong. She’ll find her way back to us. And until then, we hold on to each other. That’s how we get through this.”

Wendy moved closer, her warmth a welcome contrast to the evening chill settling in around us. The shadows seemed less overwhelming with her beside me. I felt her steady gaze, like she could see past the walls I’d built and right into the mess of fears I tried to keep buried. But I kept those walls up.

“Yoongi,” she said softly, her voice like a lifeline, steady but gentle. “We don’t have to know everything right now. Let’s just make a promise—to hold on to each other. No matter how dark it gets, we keep going. For Bridd, for each other. That’s how we honor what we’ve lost.”

Her words sank in, like rain on parched ground. For a second, I felt a flicker of hope, a small reminder that maybe I didn’t have to carry all this alone. But I knew myself; I wouldn’t let myself rely on anyone too much. I couldn’t.

The witches’ laughter echoed in the distance, reminding me of life’s strange mix of light and dark, joy and pain. It was almost comforting, that reminder of life moving forward.

“Wendy,” I started, the words feeling awkward and unsure, “What if… I’m not who I used to be?”

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Then we’ll help you find who you are now. You’re not alone, Yoongi. As long as I’m here, you’re not.”

Her conviction cut through my despair, but I kept my guard up. The night stretched out before us, full of unknowns, but as I sat next to Wendy, her presence like a steady anchor, I didn’t feel quite as lost. Maybe I’d try to take it as she said—one step at a time. But those steps were still mine to take, alone if I had to.

And as the darkness pressed in, I took a deep breath, letting the warmth of her presence fill the empty spaces inside me. She didn’t press for more, just stayed there beside me, as constant as the stars overhead.

Her quiet understanding eased something raw within me, like a wound finally starting to heal. “It’s… everything feels different now,” I admitted, my voice breaking a little, surprising even me. “I can’t see any of it, and it terrifies me.”

Wendy’s hand found my shoulder, her touch gentle and steady. “You’re still here, Yoongi. Losing your sight doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything. We’ll find a way through this, together. You still have us.” Her words hung in the air, easing the fear that had taken root inside me, creeping through everything like vines.

I let out a shaky breath, clinging to the faint hope her words had sparked. Maybe this wasn’t the end. Maybe, if I let myself reach out, there was still a way forward, a way to heal. “Thank you,” I whispered, the gratitude catching in my throat, barely able to express everything I felt.

Hope had become something strange and distant to me. Since the injury, my days had blurred into an endless stretch of darkness—more than just the absence of light. I could barely see. Everything was trapped in this cloudy haze, as if something thick coated my eyes. Shadows passed by, shapes that could be anything or anyone, but I never got a clear view. Trying to make sense of it all only left me with splitting headaches, so I stopped trying. The sight I had left was useless, a cruel reminder of what I’d lost.

I’d started relying on sound, on touch, to make sense of the world, but it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t see the faces of my friends or the beauty of the trees, the sky, the stars. All the things that used to ground me felt unreachable. My world was small and unfamiliar, and every step felt vulnerable, a reminder of everything that had changed. It was like drowning in the dark with no way out.

The night thickened around us, heavy with memories and things left unspoken, but Wendy’s steady presence kept me grounded. My thoughts drifted to Bridd—how her laughter had always lifted me, how her presence had once made even the hardest days bearable. The ache of her absence cut deep, but Wendy’s warmth stirred something faint and new in me, a promise that maybe I could find my way through this darkness, one slow, uncertain step at a time.

After a while, Wendy slipped into the shadows, her warmth slowly fading, leaving me alone again with the night. Minutes later, another set of footsteps approached, each step sharp and confident. I didn’t need to look to know who it was. Sam. The wind elemental who’d fought by our side, her presence like a storm, fierce and unrelenting.

“Mind if I sit?” she asked, her voice direct, cutting through my thoughts.

“Go ahead,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, bracing for the bluntness Sam always brought with her. She wasn’t like Wendy—she wasn’t soft. But her honesty was something I couldn’t ignore.

And I couldn’t deny how much I enjoyed her company. Sam always found me, always made sure I knew she was there, even when everyone else seemed to forget. It was comforting in its own way, and though I’d heard whispers about her and Kim Namjoon, I never let that stop her visits. Her people weren’t known for sticking to one person, and I wasn’t looking for anything anyway.

She lowered herself beside me with a kind of ease, though there was always a tension in her, a restless energy that seemed to vibrate between us. “You look like you’ve been trampled by a dragon,” she remarked with a smirk. “What’s got you in knots, Yoongi?”

I let out a dry laugh, trying to shrug it off. “The usual,” I said, waving a hand like all of it—war, waiting, the constant unknown—was nothing more than a passing annoyance. “The war, the waiting, the not knowing… you know.”

She didn’t laugh. When she replied, her voice was serious. “Yeah, and it’s not getting better anytime soon. Bridd’s out there, trying to bring in allies, and here we are, waiting for the next storm.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” I said, irritation slipping out. I could feel her smirk, though, a bit of satisfaction in her voice.

“What, you thought I’d sugarcoat it?” she shot back, arching a brow. “You’re not the only one carrying heavy stuff, Min. We’re all in this.”

“Are we?” I muttered, bitterness creeping into my voice. “Or are we all just pretending we’re fine?”

“Pretending doesn’t change anything,” she said, her tone softening. “Sometimes you’ve got to stop fighting so hard and just… breathe. Give yourself a moment to let it be.”

I clenched my fists, the rough wood of the porch pressing into my palms. “It’s not that simple, Sam,” I murmured, feeling the weight of everything I’d lost. “You don’t get what it’s like… to lose everything familiar.”

She didn’t say anything for a while, and I thought maybe she’d let it go. But then, she spoke, her tone more serious than usual. “No, I may not know what it’s like to lose sight. But I know what it’s like to lose things—things that meant everything. To build up walls so high you forget who or what you’re even keeping out.” She paused, her words hitting harder than I wanted to admit. “It doesn’t bring you peace, Yoongi. It just leaves you alone.”

Her words cut deep, and I felt a flare of anger, my instinct to push back. “I’m not asking for advice, Sam,” I said, warning in my voice.

“No, you’re asking to drown,” she shot back, her frustration seeping through. “You’re letting it swallow you whole. And here’s the thing—life keeps moving, Yoongi, with or without you.”

Her words were like a jolt, breaking through the numbness I’d wrapped around myself. I wanted to argue, to say she didn’t understand, but I couldn’t deny there was truth in what she said. As much as I hated to admit it, she wasn’t wrong.

“What do you want from me, Sam?” I asked finally, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing,” she said, her voice softening. “But maybe you should want more for yourself. Stop hiding in the dark. You’re not alone, no matter how much you try to pretend you are.”

Silence stretched between us, charged with all the things neither of us had said. Sam stayed beside me, solid and warm against the night, and I felt something shift inside—a flicker of realization that maybe, just maybe, she was right.

Her words felt like stones dropping into a still pond, rippling through the calm I’d forced myself into. Part of me bristled at her bluntness, but another part—the part I tried to ignore—felt grateful. She didn’t flinch from my darkness. She leaned into it, unafraid to call me out.

“I’m not great at letting people in,” I muttered, the words feeling strange, like they belonged to someone else. Keeping people at arm’s length was easier, safer, even if it meant being alone.

“Yeah, I got that,” she replied, her usual sarcasm softened by a surprising warmth. “But maybe you should try. Life’s too short to be a lone wolf forever. Cadoc taught me that much.”

“It’s not that easy,” I said, feeling the weight of it all press down on me. “Not everyone’s an optimist like you.”

“Optimist?” She laughed, a dry, almost bitter sound. “I’m not an optimist, Yoongi. I’m a realist. But you don’t have to change everything at once. Just… consider it.” Her voice softened, a tenderness I wasn’t used to hearing from her. “You never know what might happen if you let someone in.”

Her gaze held mine, steady and a little unnerving, as if she could see past every wall I’d built. I swallowed hard, my chest tight with a mix of fear and something else. “And what if I ruin it?” The question slipped out before I could stop it, the vulnerability raw and real.

Sam shrugged, unbothered. “Then you mess up. We’ll deal with it. That’s what friends are for. At least you tried.”

A small, reluctant smile tugged at my lips, the tension in my chest easing just a bit. “I’ll… think about it.”

She leaned back, a satisfied smirk on her face. “Good. And if you need practice, you know where to find me. I promise I won’t bite… much.”

A laugh escaped me, surprising and low, breaking through the heaviness of the night. “You’re something else, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied, grinning. “And you’re welcome. Anytime you need a reality check or a kick in the backside, I’m your girl.”

We sat in a comfortable silence after that, the night air cool around us as we watched the shadows shift. It was rare, I realized, to have someone who didn’t turn away from my darkness—someone who met it head-on instead. And as Sam stayed there beside me, I felt a flicker of something I hadn’t let myself feel in a long time: hope. Maybe, just maybe, I didn’t have to carry this alone.

But that hope was fragile, and doubts clung to me like shadows. Trust was a risk, a leap into something unknown, especially when everything felt so uncertain.

After a while, Sam shifted closer, her eyes gleaming with a mischievous spark. “You know, Yoongi,” she began, her voice dropping into a playful whisper, “I’ve always thought you were kinda… cute.”

“Wait, what?” I blinked, caught completely off guard, my voice suddenly caught in my throat. The porch, the night—everything seemed to close in, amplified by her words.

She laughed, clearly amused by my reaction. “Yeah, you’re a good-looking guy. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true.” There was a teasing edge to her tone, but underneath it, a hint of sincerity that made my heart skip. “Honestly, it’s a shame you don’t put yourself out there more. You could have anyone you wanted.”

I scoffed, trying to brush it off even as my pulse raced. “Anyone? That’s a stretch.”

“Not at all,” she replied, a glint of mischief in her eyes. “You’ve got a good heart, even if you are a bit of a lone wolf. People like that.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but she cut me off, her expression shifting to something unexpectedly serious. “I get it, though,” she said, her voice softer. “You don’t want things to get complicated.” She paused, then added with a smirk, “But I’ll be honest, I’ve thought about it. You and me, I mean.”

“Sam—” I began, feeling my face grow hot. “I’m not really looking for—”

“Let me finish,” she interrupted, leaning in closer, her breath warm on my cheek. The space between us felt charged, her words hanging in the air. “I’ve also had my share of thoughts about Namjoon. Can you blame me?” She shrugged, her tone turning flippant again. “But I know neither of you would go for it.”

I shook my head, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “So… you’re saying you want both of us?”

She shrugged again, almost casual. “Why not? You both bring different things to the table. But I’m realistic. I know it wouldn’t work. You’re dealing with your own stuff, and Namjoon’s got his demons, too.”

Part of me wanted to push her away, to tell her this was ridiculous, but another part—an unexpected part—was intrigued by her openness. “It just… seems messy,” I admitted, my voice softening.

“Messy is life, Yoongi,” she said lightly, though there was a hint of something else in her eyes. “But don’t worry—I’m not here to push you into anything. Just being honest.” She leaned back, her playful demeanor returning. “It’s not like I’m actually going to do anything about it.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, the tension loosening but not completely gone. “I just… I’m not looking to get tangled up in something like that. I’m barely handling my own mess right now.”

The porch felt smaller somehow, old memories and regrets pressing in on me like a heavy mist. I still carried the shadow of someone else—someone whose laughter still echoed in the quiet corners of my mind, someone who’d been my anchor back then.

Sam softened, her usual tough exterior easing for a moment. “I get it,” she said quietly. “And I’m sorry if I pushed too far. That wasn’t my intention. Just… wanted to keep things real, you know? Like always.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” I said, managing a faint smile. “Maybe tone it down once in a while?”

She laughed, a warm, genuine sound that chipped away at the tension between us. “Not a chance,” she said, her eyes shining with humor. “But I’ll be more mindful. Last thing I want is to make things harder for you.”

“Thanks,” I murmured, feeling a small wave of relief, like some weight had been lifted, even if just for a second. “I’m just… still figuring things out.”

“Fair enough,” she said, her voice lightening like the night breeze. “Just don’t shut me out, okay? I’m here, whether you like it or not. Even if my taste in people is a little… unconventional.”

Despite myself, a smile crept onto my face. “You’re relentless.”

“It’s a gift,” she replied with a smirk, her eyes bright as the stars above us. “But seriously, if you ever need to talk—or just need someone to set you straight—I’m here. I might not have the answers, but I can help point you in the right direction.”

“Thanks,” I replied, my voice softer, my gratitude real this time. As we sat in the quiet of the night, the silence between us was calm, not tense like it so often was. There was a warmth that settled in my chest, something unexpected and gentle, that made the weight I’d been carrying feel just a little lighter. Sam was right—life was messy, but maybe there was room in that mess to let others in, to share the load I’d been holding onto alone.

The night pressed on, and the laughter from the others faded into the distance, blending with the quiet of the forest. With Sam next to me, the loneliness that had clung to me for so long felt like it was starting to loosen, replaced by a small, unfamiliar warmth. Maybe—just maybe—I could let someone in, let myself feel something beyond the weight of the past, let go of the fear and regret.

But just as the thought sparked, I felt a familiar ache tighten in my chest, a reminder of love lost, of empty spaces that had once been filled with warmth. Sam’s presence was comforting, but the shadows inside reminded me that I wasn’t quite ready to move on. Not yet. Not while Wendy’s memory still held me back.

The night seemed to hum with energy as Sam and I drifted into easy banter—her laughter, her teasing—familiar like an old song I hadn’t heard in a while. Before the moment could settle, the front door swung open, snapping us out of our thoughts. Jungkook appeared in the doorway, his face split in a wide grin, his presence like a burst of fresh air.

“Guess who!” he called, stepping out onto the porch. “Hope you two haven’t died of boredom without me!” His energy lit up the shadows around us, brightening the quiet with his usual cheer.

“Not yet,” Sam shot back, crossing her arms and leaning against the railing, smirking. “But we were kind of enjoying the peace without your endless enthusiasm.”

Jungkook laughed, undeterred, and set a couple of bottles on the small table between us. The clinking of glass echoed in the stillness. “Peace? Boring,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s why I brought drinks—to celebrate surviving another day in this beautiful chaos we call life.”

“Ah, yes,” I said dryly, sarcasm slipping out. “Because nothing says ‘responsible adult’ like drinking while the world falls apart.”

Jungkook clutched his chest dramatically. “Ouch! Here I am trying to lighten the mood!” He grinned, undeterred, holding out the bottle. “You two should be thanking me.”

Sam rolled her eyes, but I could see the smile tugging at her lips. “And you think a few drinks are going to save us from doom?”

“Hey, laughter is the best medicine,” Jungkook countered, shrugging as he passed out the bottles. “Besides, a little fun never hurt anyone, right?”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to hold your hair back if you pass out,” Sam teased, clinking her bottle against mine, her eyes glinting with mischief. The sound felt like a quiet pact between us—a shared defiance against the weight we were all carrying, a promise to keep going despite it all.

In that moment, under the stars, surrounded by the quiet of the night, we shared the burden of our fears and hopes. And for a little while, it felt like enough.

The evening felt heavy and still, and as I lifted the bottle, the chill against my fingers brought me back into the moment. The sharp taste burned a little as I took a sip, a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts that had been gnawing at me. “Not bad,” I said, grudgingly giving Jungkook a nod of approval. If nothing else, he had decent taste.

A grin spread across his face, his eyes catching the faint light of the porch. “See? I knew you’d like it.” He leaned back, taking a swig before casting a curious look between us. “So, what were you two talking about? Deep fears? Secret crushes?” He waggled his eyebrows, clearly enjoying himself as he tried to shake off whatever tension lingered.

Sam’s laughter broke out, bright and unguarded, dissolving the last bit of heaviness between us. “More like avoiding any deep topics,” she shot back, daring him to push it. She took another long sip, keeping her gaze steady. “Something you probably wouldn’t understand.”

“Hey, I can be serious,” Jungkook protested, still smiling but with a flicker of something else in his eyes—a shadow of something heavier that he quickly brushed off. “Truth is, things aren’t exactly easy on my end either.”

“Oh?” I glanced at Jungkook, my curiosity kicking in. He was usually the one keeping things light, making jokes to push away the weight of the world. But now, I could see something different, something heavier beneath that grin. “What’s going on?”

He sighed, looking down at the ground. “Family’s a mess,” he said quietly. “My dad’s still reeling from everything that went down in the last battle, and my brother… he’s acting like he’s the only one carrying the weight of it all. Sol’s off doing her own thing, holding grudges, and honestly, the whole place feels like it’s one spark away from going up in flames.” His voice was softer than I’d ever heard, raw in a way that caught me off guard.

“That sounds… intense,” I said carefully, feeling the weight of his words settle around us. Jungkook’s carefree attitude had always masked a lot, and seeing him now, letting that mask slip, made me realize just how much he’d been holding back.

Sam leaned over, her voice surprisingly gentle. “You know we’ve got your back, right? You don’t have to handle all that alone.”

Jungkook let out a hollow laugh. “Yeah, well, you either let it chew you up, or you drown it out with jokes and a few drinks.”

“Solid plan,” Sam said, her tone light but her eyes showing a hint of worry. “But, for what it’s worth, laughter doesn’t really fix things. Sooner or later, you’ve got to face it.”

“And who says I’m avoiding anything?” Jungkook shot back with a smirk, though there was a hint of something unsteady beneath it. “Look, I just think there’s a time and place for heavy stuff. And right now? I’d rather laugh with my friends than dwell on things I can’t change.”

I raised my bottle with a nod. “Sometimes, laughter is all we’ve got.”

“Exactly!” Jungkook’s grin was back, and he lifted his bottle high. “To laughter, and to the best friends a guy could ask for!”

We clinked bottles, the sound breaking through the quiet night. In that moment, our laughter felt like defiance against everything weighing on us, a tiny spark of hope pushing back the dark. Just being here together, sharing the night, dulled some of the sharper edges we all carried.

“So,” Jungkook leaned in, eyes gleaming, “what’s next? More drinks? Truth or dare? Let’s shake things up!”

“Let’s not get too wild,” Sam cautioned, but there was a glint in her eye that showed she was curious. “There’s enough chaos in our lives without us adding more.”

“True,” Jungkook said, still grinning. “But hey, look at us—we’re here, aren’t we? That’s got to count for something.”

The weight of reality hadn’t disappeared, but for now, with their laughter and lightness, it felt manageable. The past and future could wait. Right now, the warmth of friendship was enough.

Sam’s eyes lit up, mischief in her expression. “How about a round of ‘I Bet the Devil’? Ever played, Yoongi?”

I raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at my lips. “Oh, I’ve heard of it. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

Sam laughed, leaning forward. “Try me.”

“Fine, I’ll start.” I tried to keep a straight face. “I bet the Devil… I’ve never snuck out at night.”

Sam snorted, shaking her head. “Who hasn’t done that? That’s like, a rite of passage!”

“Way to ruin my dramatic moment,” I shot back, fighting a smile. “For the record, I wasn’t held as a child either.”

“Oh, so tragic,” Sam replied with exaggerated pity.

Jungkook leaned in, grinning. “My turn! I bet the Devil… I had a crush on a teacher.”

Sam and I groaned, and Jungkook laughed, looking only slightly embarrassed. “What? They were cool!” he defended.

“All right, my turn,” Sam said, her eyes dancing with mischief. “I bet the Devil… I frequently trip over nothing.”

I raised my bottle with a smirk. “Taking shots at my coordination? Thanks, Sam.”

She shrugged, unapologetic, and the laughter that followed wrapped around us like a warm blanket, each joke lifting a bit of the heaviness that had weighed us down. Just for this moment, everything felt lighter.

As the night stretched on, our laughter softened, giving way to a comfortable silence that settled between us. Jungkook’s smile was contagious, and Sam’s quick wit kept us laughing, creating a kind of rhythm that made the night feel almost normal—like nothing existed beyond this porch and the quiet shadows.

The morning light, dim and sluggish, barely cut through the grimy tavern windows, casting a muted glow over the worn-out room. I slouched over my so-called breakfast—a sad pile of overcooked eggs and toast that was more like cardboard. But hunger didn’t leave much room for pickiness. Each bite felt like swallowing down the previous night: the greasy taste of regret, the lingering headache from too much drink and forced laughter, and the ache of trying to hold onto any scrap of connection left.

I pushed the plate away, the clink of the fork against the plate feeling too loud, too sharp. Since I’d lost my sight, sound had filled the emptiness, each noise amplified, vivid, impossible to ignore. It was like living without a filter, with every creak of the floorboards and murmur of conversation in the tavern drilling straight into me. The voices around me rose and fell, snippets of people’s lives passing by while I just… sat here, feeling like I was drifting somewhere I couldn’t quite reach.

The door creaked open, and a cool morning breeze slipped in, carrying two voices I’d know anywhere. Hoseok’s laughter rang out first, light and familiar, followed by Hyuna’s soft chuckle. Their voices cut through the clamor, warm and reassuring in a way that made me remember what it was like to feel grounded.

“Mind if we join you?” Hoseok asked, his tone as easygoing as ever, though I could sense the weariness beneath it all.

I gestured to the empty seats, managing a small smile. “Not at all. Just be warned, the food’s about as appealing as it looks.”

Hyuna eyed my plate with a smirk. “Greasy, stale, and questionable… just like this town, huh?”

“Pretty much,” I muttered, pushing the plate even farther away.

Hoseok chuckled, though it lacked his usual energy. “Hey, at least it’s not rations straight out of a tin. I’ll take overcooked eggs any day.”

We shared a weak laugh, but the moment was short-lived. The weight of everything we’d been through, the constant worry, crept back in, thick and heavy. Hoseok leaned back, his eyes distant. “Bridd saved my life in the last battle,” he said quietly. “I don’t even know how, but she did. I keep thinking about how… it should be me out there instead of her, alone.”

Silence settled over us, broken only by the faint clinking of glasses and low murmurs from across the room. I felt a pang deep in my chest, the reminder of Bridd’s absence hitting hard. She’d been our anchor, the one who always kept us steady. Without her, it was like we were all just… floating.

“You miss her,” I said softly, voicing what I think we all felt.

Hoseok nodded, his face etched with worry. “I think we all do. But Jimin’s taking it the hardest. He’s been beating himself up ever since that argument they had before she left. This war… it’s wearing us all down. It’s not just the fights; it’s the way it’s breaking us on the inside.”

Hyuna’s face softened, her gaze somewhere far away. “I keep thinking I should have said something to her, thanked her for everything. But I didn’t. None of us did, really. We just assumed she’d always be here, like she’d always be the one holding us together.”

I swallowed, the words coming out rough. “She’s the heart of this group. I don’t know if she realized how much she held us all together.”

Hoseok’s hand rested on the table, fingers tapping lightly. “I can’t even think about what it’d be like if she doesn’t come back. Jimin’s putting on a strong front, but he’s falling apart.”

“He’s been so distant lately,” I murmured, barely louder than a whisper. “It’s like he doesn’t know who he is without her.”

Hyuna nodded, her voice low. “We have to keep an eye on him. He’s carrying too much of this alone. We can’t let him fall apart.”

Their words echoed my own thoughts, the fears I tried to keep buried. I clenched my fists under the table, feeling the rough wood grain against my fingers, grounding myself as the tavern’s hum of voices and clinking glasses filled the background. Out there, life went on, ordinary and uninterrupted. But here, in our small corner, the weight of it all pressed down on us, keeping us isolated even in a crowded room.

Hoseok broke the silence with a sigh. “I just hope Bridd’s safe, wherever she is. The longer she’s gone, the emptier it feels around here. It’s like… we’re all just drifting, waiting for something to pull us back together.”

“Wherever she is,” I said, my voice barely a whisper, “I hope she knows she’s not alone. That we’re waiting for her.” I raised my glass, the coolness a small comfort in my hand. “To Bridd,” I said, feeling a tightness in my chest. “To her strength, her courage, and her safe return.”

Hoseok and Hyuna lifted their glasses, the quiet clink a small promise between us. “To Bridd,” they echoed, their voices low. For a brief moment, as we drank, a flicker of warmth settled over us, a fragile spark of hope.

But as soon as it came, it faded, leaving us with the same hard reality pressing down. The brief lift of hope slipped away, and the weight of everything yet to come settled back in.

Hoseok set his glass down with a soft thud, looking at me with an unusual seriousness. “Yoongi,” he said quietly, “have you thought about what happens after all this? After the war?”

The question hit me harder than I expected. Survival had become everything, the only thing. Thinking beyond it felt foreign, like I didn’t even remember what it was like to dream of something else.

I needed air. Somehow, I managed to make it outside, bumping into a few chairs and a table on the way. Once I felt the cool breeze hit my face, I leaned back against the weathered wall, letting the cold ground me. It cut through the fog in my head, the chilly morning a relief from the tavern’s stuffiness.

As I stood there, I let my mind drift back to the battle that had left me like this, fumbling in a world of shadows. The same battle that had taken Bridd from us, casting her out into danger alone. The chill pressed into me, anchoring me in the present, but memories of that day, of everything that had changed, still clung to me like shadows I couldn’t shake.

The smell of blood and smoke had filled the air, the screams and clashing steel blurring together. I remembered the weight of my sword, the way it vibrated with each swing, each hit. The elves had charged us like shadows given form, fast and brutal. I’d fought, felt the sting of cuts I barely noticed through the adrenaline. And then, in one blinding flash, my world went dark.

Since then, darkness was all I’d known—a constant, suffocating shadow. Every day felt like stumbling through a world turned upside down. Sounds felt sharper, sensations more intense, but none of it made up for what I’d lost. Each day was a battle just to keep going, to find some sense of myself in all this.

“Yoongi?”

I turned, steadying myself against the wall. Hoseok’s footsteps were careful, like he didn’t want to startle me. I hadn’t heard him come outside.

“Are you okay?” His voice was soft, laced with concern, the familiarity grounding me a bit, even as the question lingered. I didn’t have an easy answer.

“I just… I needed a minute.” I tried to keep my voice steady. “Everything feels so heavy. Like I’m trying to keep my head above water, but there’s this weight holding me down.”

Hoseok was quiet for a second, then I felt his hand on my shoulder, a steady, grounding presence. “We’re all carrying more than we should. You can talk to me. Maybe it’ll help. What does it feel like?”

A bitter laugh slipped out. “It’s not that simple, Hoseok. I can’t even see what’s in front of me anymore. Everything I counted on—it’s all gone.”

“I know.” His voice softened, like he was reaching back to who he’d been before the war changed us both. “But we’re still here.”

The words settled over me, and instead of comfort, they just felt like a reminder of everything I’d lost, of how far I’d fallen. Bridd’s absence gnawed at me, an ache I couldn’t shake.

“What happened between Bridd and Jimin?” I asked, barely above a whisper. It was something I’d been wanting to know since she left, a question that hadn’t let me rest.

Hoseok let out a heavy sigh, like the weight of the whole story was bearing down on him. “It’s complicated,” he said. “They argued about Sol, about her leaving. Bridd was trying to protect him, and Jimin pushed for answers, and it got heated. Things were said they both regret. But Jimin…” He paused, his voice quiet. “He’s a mess without her. Regret doesn’t even cover it.”

Frustration bubbled up, and I felt my fists clench. “And Taehyung? Is he just hiding while we pick up the pieces?”

Hoseok’s grip tightened on my shoulder. “It’s not that simple, Yoongi. They’re keeping a close eye on him in the palace. He’s trying to keep his family safe and deal with everything he’s set in motion.”

“That doesn’t excuse him,” I snapped, my anger spilling over. “It doesn’t excuse any of this. We’re out here fighting while he sits behind walls. And Bridd…” My voice cracked, the ache in my chest almost too much.

“Yoongi.” Hoseok’s voice was firm, cutting through the haze of anger. “We’re all in this mess, every one of us. Blaming Taehyung won’t bring Bridd back or make this easier.”

“I know.” The anger faded, leaving only the hollow ache behind. “But it feels like everything’s falling apart, and I can’t do anything to stop it. I can’t see. I can’t fight. I’m barely holding on.”

Hoseok’s hand left my shoulder, and I sensed him leaning back against the wall beside me. “You’re stronger than you think,” he said gently. “You made it through that battle. You’re still here, and that means something, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

The street around us was still, the morning quiet wrapping around us like a thin shield against the chaos of everything beyond. In that moment, it felt like we were in a bubble, the noise and weight of war held at bay just for a second.

Hyuna’s voice broke the silence as she joined us, her tone steady and sure. “We’re going to get through this, together.” Her hand found mine, warm and solid, and I gripped it like a lifeline, like something real I could hold onto.

I swallowed hard, nodding as some of the tightness in my chest eased. “I want to believe that,” I said, my voice thick with everything I’d kept buried.

“You will,” she replied, her tone unwavering. “Bridd may be gone, but we’re still here. And as long as we’re here, we’ll keep going—for her too.”

The morning air was crisp and biting, but with my friends beside me, I felt a spark of warmth, a small flicker of hope breaking through the shadows. We’d lost so much, and there was still more to face, but standing there, I felt like maybe we had enough to hold on to.

After a few minutes of quiet, Hoseok headed off to find his wife. He was more on edge about her than usual, especially with the threats creeping through Leeside, cutting through the town like a knife.

I leaned against the cold, rough wall of the building, trying to catch my breath as my mind spiraled through everything that weighed on us—the war, the losses, the unknowns stretching out in front of us like some endless road. I closed my eyes, hoping for a moment of peace, but the darkness clung to me, seeping into every corner of my mind.

The sound of footsteps pulled me back to reality. I turned toward them, and relief flickered through me when I saw Sam and Jungkook. They walked with that same quiet resolve we all seemed to have now, their faces showing the weight they carried, but just seeing them grounded me. Reminded me that, somehow, I wasn’t alone in all this.

“Hey,” Sam said, her voice soft, but her eyes searching mine like she could see straight through me. “You okay?”

I forced a small smile, though it felt like it might break at any second. “Just needed some air,” I replied, even though my voice sounded as worn out as I felt. “How about you two? Holding up?”

Jungkook shrugged, his jaw tight, his usual spark dimmed. “Same as everyone else, I guess. Just… trying to make sense of it.” His voice was low, a shadow of his usual tone. He looked away, staring into the distance like he was holding back everything he couldn’t say out loud.

Sam took a small step closer, her expression softening. “We figured you’d be here,” she said gently, her tone carrying the same sadness that weighed on all of us. “Hyuna told me what happened. Are you alright?”

I swallowed, the ache in my chest tightening, sharp and cold. “Yeah,” I managed, barely above a whisper. “I’m just… everyone keeps talking about Bridd, and it hurts knowing she’s not here to see it.”

The three of us stood there, caught in a silence heavy with grief. The world around us blurred, leaving only the sting of loss and the weight of everything we’d been through. Bridd was more than just a friend—she’d been our anchor, our hope, our strength when we needed it most. And now, that strength was gone, taken from us by this relentless war.

Sam finally broke the silence, her voice a little rough, almost choked. “You know, Jin told me once that Bridd used to say hope was like a stubborn weed. You could try to pull it out as many times as you wanted, but it would always come back, even stronger.” She let out a soft laugh, one that sounded more sad than happy. “I never thought I’d be clinging to her words like they were all I had left.”

“She believed in that hope, even when the rest of us couldn’t,” Jungkook added, his voice raw. “She made us believe, too.”

I nodded, the sharp ache of missing her settling deep. “She wouldn’t want us to give up,” I said, feeling the truth of it as the words slipped out. “She fought for this—for us. I can’t let her down.”

Sam reached out, her hand resting gently on my shoulder, her touch grounding me. “We’re with you, Yoongi. No matter what happens, we’ll face it together.”

Jungkook moved closer, placing his hand on my other shoulder, his grip strong. “For Bridd,” he said, his voice filled with quiet determination, “and for everyone we’ve lost.”

Bridd had given everything she had to protect us, to stand for something bigger than herself. And even though she was gone, her spirit lived on in each of us, in the bonds we shared, in the unbreakable strength that kept us going. The road ahead was dark, full of uncertainty, but we’d walk it together.

As the sun slowly rose, casting light across the worn cobblestones, I felt a hint of warmth—a reminder that dawn always comes after the darkest nights. We couldn’t change the past, couldn’t erase what we’d lost, but we could honor Bridd’s memory by holding onto hope, by fighting on. She’d left us with that much: a spark of resilience even in the deepest dark.

“For Bridd,” I murmured, looking at Sam and Jungkook, feeling that small spark of hope catch once again.

I stood by the river, watching as the first golden light of the sun hit the water, scattering in a way that felt like promises—warm but fleeting. The river sparkled, flowing along like nothing had changed, as if it didn’t know how wrong things were now. Each flicker of light only made the ache inside me worse, a reminder of everything I’d lost: my sight, my strength, and the confidence that had once felt as natural as breathing. Now, whenever I tried to summon my magic, it was like grasping at smoke—something just out of reach, slipping through my fingers no matter how hard I tried to hold on.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to reach for the magic, like it was still somewhere inside me. It used to come so easily, like a flick of my wrist, a thought. But now, every attempt was a struggle, a tugging on something deep within me that felt barely there. The light that had once danced at my fingertips was barely a spark now, flickering out before it could even form. Frustration twisted in my chest, sharp and tight, a constant reminder that I wasn’t who I used to be.

Flashes of the last battle came back to me—the clash of metal, the roar of flames, the chaos that blurred right before my world went dark. The elves had come at us like shadows, swift and ruthless, their arrows deadly. In those final moments, something inside me had broken. And now, as much as I wanted to fix it, I wasn’t sure I knew how.

I tried to shake the memory off, forcing myself to focus on the gentle sounds of the river. But even that peace felt distant. Bridd’s face surfaced in my mind, and I felt the sting of her absence all over again. Then, I could almost hear Ji-Hyun’s laughter, taunting me with every failure, every spark of magic that sputtered out. I clenched my fists, trying to channel the frustration into something useful—something that might remind me that I hadn’t lost myself entirely.

“Come on,” I muttered under my breath. “You can do this.” But all I got were a few faint sparks that faded into the air. Every failure widened the hollow ache inside, gnawing at my resolve. Without my sight, everything felt strange, like I was stuck in someone else’s life. Doubts crept in, telling me all the things I didn’t want to believe.

The riverbank was too quiet—a thick, lonely silence that just reminded me how isolated I felt. I wished someone were there, just to break me out of my own head for a while. A rustling in the bushes made me jump, my body tensing instinctively. But it was only a bird, flapping away, leaving me alone again. I sighed, looking up at the sky, where the sun was beginning to set, stretching long shadows over the ground like reaching fingers.

I tried again, reaching for the magic, but it slipped away, useless. Every failed attempt felt like a punch, reminding me that I was no longer the person everyone had once counted on. I was just a shadow now—stumbling through the dark, holding onto pieces of my old self that seemed to drift further away each day.

Frustration built up until I couldn’t hold it in, and I let out a shout—raw, loud, breaking the quiet. I kicked at the dirt, wishing I could do something—anything—to shake this feeling, to get out of the cage I felt trapped in. But the river kept flowing, steady and uncaring, while I stood there, stuck.

“Get it together,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “You’re stronger than this.” I had to be. For Bridd, for Jimin, for everyone who’d counted on me in that battle. I had to believe there was a way forward, even if it meant stumbling through the darkness, even if I had to reach for the parts of myself that still felt out of reach.

I took a step back from the river’s edge, feeling the solid ground under my feet—something I could still rely on. My magic was still there, somewhere, even if it was weak and fractured. I had to believe I could find it again. I wasn’t ready to give up, not yet.

The sun dipped lower behind the mountains, painting the sky in soft hues of orange and purple—colors I could barely make out but remembered vividly. The river glowed in the twilight, and the world felt softened, muted. I leaned against a twisted tree, still caught up in the mess of my own frustration, when I heard her voice.

“Yoongi?”

It was soft, like she wasn’t sure if she should interrupt. But there was warmth in it, something gentle that made my chest ache in a way I couldn’t name. I turned toward the sound, and even though I couldn’t see her, I could feel her presence. Sam had this way of showing up without even needing to touch you, her warmth reaching out on its own.

“I thought I might find you here.”

I tried to smile, though it probably came out tired. “Hey,” I said, my voice sounding as worn as I felt. “Didn’t realize it had been that long.”

Her footsteps were soft as she came closer, careful, as if not to startle me. I could picture her there, head tilted, looking at me with that slight frown she wore whenever she was worried. Sam always watched without saying much, checking in without needing to ask.

“You looked like you were somewhere else,” she said quietly. “I just came from Jimin’s. He’s… well, he’s managing. Sort of.”

I swallowed, the guilt biting deeper. “Is he alright?” The words slipped out before I could stop them.

She hesitated, and I felt her shift, searching for the right thing to say. “Not really,” she admitted. “But he’s trying. We all are.”

I nodded, her words tightening something inside me. “It’s hard to shake this feeling. Like I’m trapped, stuck in this loop, trying to make sense of everything.” My voice broke a little, and I hated how small and raw it sounded.

Sam moved closer, her hand resting lightly on my arm. She didn’t pull me into a hug or make a big deal of it; she just stood there, steady, her warmth comforting. “You’ve been practicing, haven’t you?” she asked, so gently that I almost wanted to cry.

“Yeah,” I said, lifting my hands, as if to show her what I couldn’t put into words. I focused, feeling the faint warmth start to build up, just enough for a small glow—but then it faded, leaving my hands empty. “It’s like… I can’t even trust myself anymore.”

She didn’t speak right away. Her hand stayed on my arm, her thumb tracing small circles on my sleeve in absent comfort. “I get it,” she said finally, and I could hear the honesty in her voice, like she really did understand. “But fear’s tricky, Yoongi. If you let it, it’ll take over. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let it make your choices for you.”

Frustration spiked again, making my voice come out sharper than I wanted. “It’s not that simple, Sam.”

She didn’t pull back, didn’t flinch. Instead, she squeezed my arm a little tighter. “No, it’s not simple. None of this is.” Her voice was fierce, like she needed me to understand. “But you can’t keep running from it. You’ve got to face it, even if it scares you.”

Her words hit me hard, and I felt my throat tighten. “I wish I could be as strong as you,” I whispered, the vulnerability slipping out before I could stop it.

She slid her hand down, finding mine, her grip warm and steady, like she wouldn’t let go. “Being strong doesn’t mean you’re not scared,” she said. “It just means you keep going anyway. I’m scared too, Yoongi. We all are.”

Her words settled around me, and for the first time, the weight on my chest felt a little lighter. I swallowed, her honesty touching something deep that I hadn’t let anyone near. “I don’t want to bother everything,” I said, the words breaking as they left me.

“You’re not bothering anyone,” she said, her voice fierce. “Not me, at least. You matter, Yoongi. You matter to us.” Her words felt like a lifeline, pulling me out of the storm.

Something warm flickered in my chest, fragile but real. “I just… I don’t want you to feel like you have to carry me,” I murmured, barely audible.

She squeezed my hand a little tighter, her voice softening. “I care about you, Yoongi,” she said, her voice almost like a promise. “And that’s not something you get to decide for me. You matter, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Even without seeing her, I could feel her gaze, warm and steady. I let out a shaky breath, realizing that maybe I didn’t have to be strong on my own. Maybe there was strength in letting others stand with me, even when I couldn’t see the way forward.

“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling the weight of those words, knowing they weren’t enough. Her kindness, her unwavering support—it was something to hold on to, something to keep me grounded, even if only a little.

She smiled, and though I couldn’t see it, I felt it. “You don’t need to thank me,” she said softly. “Just let me be here, okay?”

I nodded, and we let the silence settle around us—a silence that

spoke louder than words. The river murmured, the leaves rustled above, and as the night crept in, I felt the gentle hum of life still moving forward.

The darkness wasn’t gone—it never really was. It still hovered there, like a shadow clinging to my mind. But with Sam’s hand in mine, something shifted, like those shadows had loosened, just enough to let a little light slip in. The sun had finally dipped behind the mountains, leaving the sky streaked in deep oranges and purples—beautiful, but tinged with a kind of sadness, like saying goodbye to another day. But maybe that wasn’t so bad. I took a deep breath, letting the cool night air settle me, and felt more grounded than I had in a long time.

“You’re right,” I said quietly, my voice a little stronger, even though I still felt shaky inside. It was a steadiness that came after a storm—no idea where I stood exactly, but clearer than before. “I need to face this. All of it.”

Sam gave me a soft smile; I could hear it in her voice. “One step at a time, okay? You don’t need to have it all figured out. None of us do.” Her words felt gentle but solid, like something to hold onto.

I nodded, feeling a gratitude I couldn’t quite put into words. The darkness was still there, but knowing I didn’t have to handle it alone made everything feel less impossible.

After a moment, Sam’s tone shifted, her voice taking on that playful edge I’d come to rely on. “So, I’ve got some gossip for you,” she said, like she was letting me in on some juicy secret.

My curiosity sparked, tugging me out of the heavy thoughts weighing me down. I let my fingers dip into the river, feeling the cool water wash over them, almost like it could rinse some of the dark thoughts away. I could sense her leaning in beside me, close enough that her warmth pushed back against the night’s chill.

“What’s the gossip?” I asked, my tone lighter, a bit of the old playfulness sneaking back in.

“Turns out Hyun-Jin was the one who tipped Sol off about Bridd,” she said in a low, secretive voice, like we were swapping secrets under a blanket fort. “Taehyung only confirmed it when she backed him into a corner. She wouldn’t have believed it otherwise.”

Hyun-Jin’s name made my stomach clench, any hint of lightness vanishing. “Why would he do that?” I muttered, not really expecting an answer that would make any of this better.

Sam leaned in closer, her breath warm in the cool air. “Lorcan overheard Hyun-Jin arguing with his wife,” she whispered. “Hyun-Jin’s best friend died in the siege, and he blames Bridd for not warning them. He thought she knew and kept it quiet. He’s angry, Yoongi, and telling Sol was his way of lashing out.”

I clenched my jaw, feeling the bitterness rise. Hyun-Jin’s grudge was like a poison, and his need for revenge was threatening to tear apart everything we’d fought so hard to hold together. “Great,” I muttered sarcastically. “Just what we need. Another reason for everyone to turn on each other.”

Sam sighed, her shoulders slumping a little. “Exactly. Everyone’s already on edge, and Lorcan thinks Jimin doesn’t know yet. We can’t let him find out—not like this.”

I stared out at the river, watching the way the water flowed, steady and constant, even as everything else seemed to be falling apart. I could picture Jimin’s face if he found out, the anger that would rise up in him, fierce and unchecked. “If Jimin finds out,” I whispered, the weight of it settling on my chest, “it wouldn’t surprise me if he killed Hyun-Jin. And that would be the end of whatever stability we have left.”

“That’s why we can’t let it get to that point,” Sam said, her voice sharper now, cutting through my spiraling thoughts. “We have to handle this carefully. One wrong move, and everything could fall apart.”

I let out a long breath, feeling the weight of her words pressing down. “But what can we really do, Sam? We’re just trying to keep from drowning here.”

“Maybe,” she admitted, her tone softening. “But we can watch, we can listen, and we can make sure Jimin hears the truth in a way that won’t tear everything apart. We know him, Yoongi. We’re his friends.”

I turned toward her, even though I couldn’t see her face clearly. “Together,” I echoed, letting the word settle. It was simple, but it felt like a promise, something solid in the middle of all this uncertainty. “I like the sound of that.”

She nudged my shoulder, a smile clear in her voice. “Good. Because I’m not letting you carry this alone. You’ve got enough to deal with.”

A real smile crept onto my face, a warmth flickering to life. Despite everything still weighing me down, Sam was like an anchor—a reminder that maybe, just maybe, I could get through this with her by my side.

As we sat there in the quiet, though, the ache of Bridd’s absence hit me hard, sharp and raw. I could almost hear her laugh, see her smile, and for a second, it was like she was still here. But then it was gone, leaving that hollow ache that wouldn’t quite fade. Sam’s hand rested on my shoulder, steady and warm, but even her kindness couldn’t fill the space Bridd had left behind.

The last of the daylight slipped away, leaving the sky a deep indigo. I took a breath, letting the cool air calm me, and nodded to myself. “You’re right,” I said again, the words easier this time. “No more hiding.”

Sam’s smile was soft but sure. “One step at a time, Yoongi. We’re all just trying to figure this out. You don’t have to have all the answers right now.”

I nodded, letting her words settle in. Sam always knew when to be gentle, even when the world felt like it was unraveling. Tonight, I was more grateful for that than I could ever say.

“So he’s punishing Bridd for something she couldn’t control?” I shook my head, the disgust settling in my chest.

Sam nodded, her expression hardening. “Yeah, but he’s misjudged how this’ll play out. Callisto isn’t taking it lightly either. If she finds out about Hyun-Jin’s involvement, things could get… ugly.”

I clenched my fists, feeling the tension build as I imagined the fallout. “If Jimin hears it from anyone but us… it’ll destroy everything. It’ll be a civil war, and there’s no way the Park brothers could fight each other like that. It would all fall apart.”

Sam’s eyes softened, the sharpness fading as she looked at me, something real and unguarded in her expression. “Then we make sure he hears it from us,” she said firmly. “But we have to confront Hyun-Jin first. And we need to tread lightly. If he feels like we’re accusing him, he’ll just deny everything.”

“And if he does?” I muttered, running a hand through my hair, feeling the frustration build. “What if he thinks we’re just sticking our noses where they don’t belong?”

Sam’s gaze held steady, her determination like a solid wall. “Then we make him see this isn’t just about him. It’s about all of us—especially Jimin. If Hyun-Jin has any loyalty left, he’ll understand.”

I let Sam’s words sink in, and for the first time, the grip of doubt around my heart loosened, even if just a little. The uncertainty was still there, but her conviction—it was hard not to let it stick. “You really think he’ll listen?” I asked, almost talking to myself more than to her.

“Everyone’s got a weak spot, Yoongi,” she replied, her gaze steady. “We just need to find his. And from what I’ve seen, Callisto might be it. The heart of a wolf is always bound to his mate.”

Her words felt like the first hints of a plan, fragile but real. I could almost picture a way forward as we started walking along the riverbank, the twilight casting everything in shades of silver and deep blue. A quiet sense of purpose stirred inside me, growing stronger with each step beside Sam.

“And Jimin?” I asked, my voice tight. “If he finds out before we talk to Hyun-Jin…”

“We won’t let that happen,” she said quickly, her tone so steady it made me feel braver. “We’ll get to him as soon as we can and tell him the truth. He’ll trust us, Yoongi. He has to.”

“Yeah,” I replied, letting her confidence seep into me, feeling my doubts start to ease. “For once, maybe we’ll actually get ahead of it all instead of watching everything fall apart.”

The evening deepened, stars slowly coming into view, softening the world around us. The night felt quiet, like it was giving us this rare moment to just breathe. I glanced at Sam, the gratitude I felt for her presence warming me in a way I hadn’t expected.

“Thanks, Sam,” I murmured, my voice catching a little as I looked away. It didn’t feel like enough, but I meant it. “For sticking with me through all of this.”

She gave my hand a gentle squeeze, her touch warm and grounding. “No need to thank me, Yoongi,” she said, her voice as steady as ever. “We’re in this together. Besides,” she added, a little smile creeping into her tone, “you keep me grounded too. Honestly, I might’ve lost it ages ago without you around to keep me steady.”

A laugh escaped me, breaking through the quiet. “So we balance each other out, huh? Fire and ice?”

“Fire and ice,” she echoed, her eyes gleaming with that familiar spark of mischief that always seemed to make things feel lighter. “But I’m air, and you’re more like earth than anything else.”

We kept walking until the path ended, the night stretching out above us in a blanket of stars, their light soft and calm. For a brief moment, I felt a sense of peace settle over me, a quiet resolve wrapping around me like a shield against the cold.

Whatever happened with Hyun-Jin, whatever came next with Jimin, I knew we’d face it together. And somehow, in that moment, knowing that was enough. It felt fragile, like a flame flickering in the wind, but it was real. And that was all I needed.

I stared into my drink, watching the amber liquid swirl, blurring like everything else in my head. I didn’t want to think about why I was here or what I was doing, but somehow, even with all the whiskey in the world, my mind refused to let go. The tavern was its usual dim, loud self—a mix of voices, clinking glasses, and the smell of stale beer hanging in the air. None of it could drown out the emptiness that seemed to have carved a place inside me.

Then the door swung open, and a familiar laugh sliced through the noise, grating and sharp. I glanced up, the blurry form of Hyun-Jin stepping into the dim light, his mouth twisted in that smug, careless grin he always wore. He spotted me right away, and instead of looking the other way, like a decent person would, he headed straight toward me. I could already feel my chest tighten, my hand curling into a fist around my glass.

“Well, well, look who’s here,” he said, sliding into the stool beside me without an invitation. “Didn’t expect to find you out, Yoongi. Figured you’d be off somewhere crying about poor little Y/N.”

His words hit me like a slap, but I bit down the anger that flared up, keeping my eyes on my drink. “You don’t get to say her name,” I muttered, my voice low, hoping he’d take the hint and leave. But he just laughed.

“Oh, I don’t?” He leaned in closer, a sneer twisting his mouth. “Last time I checked, I was free to say whatever I wanted. She wasn’t exactly the saint you all like to pretend she was.”

That was it. I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I straightened, turning to face him, letting all the anger I’d been holding back finally show. “You’re one to talk about Bridd. This mess? You’re the reason it all went to hell in the first place.”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back, looking completely unfazed. “Oh please, don’t try to put that on me. What did I do, exactly?”

I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to stay calm. “You told Sol. You’re the one who told her Bridd left town. You basically handed her all the ammunition she needed to turn everything upside down. It's your fault the story was so twisted and convoluted. You manipulated a teenage girl to run and tell your brother a bunch of bullshit about his girlfriend, so you didn't have to get your hands dirty, you filthy mutt.”

Hyun-Jin snorted, a bitter laugh escaping him. “Oh, so now I’m responsible for her choices? Bridd wanted to play hero. She got what she deserved.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The rage bubbled up, twisting my stomach, and before I knew it, I was out of my seat, my fists clenched tight. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Bridd was trying to protect us, all of us. She had the guts to do something while you sat around running your mouth.”

His face twisted into something ugly, his eyes flashing. “Protect us? Please. Bridd was a selfish, arrogant mess, always acting like she was better than everyone. And you? Pathetic, moping around here, pretending like she cared about you.” His words turned venomous, each one a slap in the face. “She didn’t give a damn about anyone but herself. She's a murderer.”

That was it. Every bit of anger and grief I’d been trying to bury boiled over, and before I knew it, my fist connected with his jaw, the impact sending a shockwave up my arm. Hyun-Jin stumbled back, clutching his face, but he recovered fast, his face twisting with fury. He came at me, grabbing my collar, and his fist crashed into my cheek, hard enough to make my vision blur.

The tavern around us erupted in shouts, people scrambling out of the way, but I barely registered it. All I could focus on was Hyun-Jin’s smug, hateful face, and the satisfaction of finally, finally hitting him. I was ready to go at him again, but then someone yanked me back, a strong hand pulling me away from the fight. Dizzy and disoriented, I looked up to see Jimin, his face tight with anger.

“That’s enough,” Jimin said, his voice cold and hard, a tone I’d rarely heard from him. He was glaring at Hyun-Jin, and even through my own fury, I could see the barely contained rage simmering under his expression. “Get out, Hyun-Jin.”

Hyun-Jin wiped the blood from his lip, glaring back at me. “Maybe you should keep your little witch on a leash, then,” he spat, his voice dripping with venom. He threw one last look my way, filled with contempt, before storming off, muttering curses under his breath.

Jimin’s grip on my shoulder tightened as he steadied me, his gaze full of disappointment and frustration. “Sit down,” he muttered, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You’re going to regret this tomorrow if you keep going.”

I pulled away from him, stumbling back to my seat at the bar, feeling the sting in my cheek where Hyun-Jin had hit me. The pain throbbed, a dull ache that only added to the hollow feeling gnawing away at my insides. Jimin lingered a moment, watching me like he wanted to say something, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. Eventually, he turned and walked off, leaving me alone in the swirl of whispers and judging stares.

The other patrons were all looking at me now, whispering, and I could feel their eyes on me, sharp and heavy. I tried to ignore them, tried to focus on the glass in front of me, the warmth of the whiskey as I took another sip. But the shame, the humiliation, settled over me like a weight I couldn’t shake.

Hyun-Jin’s words echoed in my head, twisting and cruel, sinking into the darkest parts of me. He’d said she didn’t care. He’d said I was pathetic for mourning her. And no matter how hard I tried to drown them out, his words stuck, settling in the back of my mind, dragging me down.

Bridd would hate seeing me like this, sinking into anger and self-pity, letting someone like Hyun-Jin get to me. She’d tell me to get it together, to focus on what mattered, to stop hiding behind the bottle. But even her memory wasn’t enough to pull me out tonight. I was tired. Too tired to pretend that I could just keep pushing forward. The weight of everything—her absence, the fallout of Hyun-Jin’s betrayal, the feeling that I was failing everyone—felt like too much.

I took another long drink, ignoring the whispers that had grown louder, filling the room like an invisible fog, thick and suffocating. I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were right. That maybe I was pathetic, maybe I was just another broken piece left in the wake of everything Bridd had tried to hold together. The thought settled like a stone in my chest, heavy and cold.

So I sat there, alone with my drink, letting the shadows press in closer. The world around me blurred, slipping further away as the familiar numbness took over. The ache in my chest, the bruising on my cheek, the weight of everyone’s stares—all of it faded into the background. All that was left was the silence, dark and all-consuming, wrapping around me like a blanket, pulling me under.

And for the first time, I didn’t try to fight it.

Taglist: @greezenini @adventures-in-bookland @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @zae007live @jimin-neverout @nikkiordonez12 @canarystwin @yamekomz @chimthicc @michiiedreamer @amorieus @mima795 @yunki-yunki-yunki

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[honeyhotteoks]

do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?

hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha

i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.

now! onto some actual advice —

1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired

2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done

3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later

4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.

5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.

6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.

7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.

8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.

9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.

10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.

okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗

[darth-mortem]

This is a small background of what's happening in this fic.

Fluff, 721 words.

“I'll help ye!” Ghost heard Soap's cheerful voice and looked around, lowering the knife.

Johnny stood in the doorway, smiling his shiny smile, and his eyes radiated so much love that Simon involuntarily stared at him and forgot to answer. Dressed in shorts and one of Ghost's black T-shirts, Soap looked like he had just gotten out of bed. However, it could be true: he was still weak from his injury and tired quickly.

“No need to, sweetheart.” Simon finally spoke up. “We agreed that you would go to the store and I would cook. You should get some rest.”

He tried to make his voice sound soft and gentle, but he could tell by the way Johnny's expression changed that something was wrong. This was all hard for Riley, who had spent most of his life in the military with occasional breaks for hell like the one Roba had given him. He preferred living on military bases, and when he and Johnny rented this apartment, all of Ghost's belongings fit into a small bag. And Simon could never have imagined that civilian life, even with someone you love with all your heart, would be so difficult.

“What's wrong?” He asked quietly and somehow helplessly, and Johnny immediately stopped pouting and came closer.

“We need to do something together.” He said, taking Ghost's hand. “All of this that's happening now is a test drive for our future, when we retire, get married, and become a real family. All families do things together; it’s called ‘tradition’, ye know?”

“We watch movies together on Thursdays.” Simon said, bowing his head.

“That's not it!” Johnny argued. “We do a lot of things together, but it's all recreation, and I'm talking about housework. Ye do everything by yourself; ye clean, wash the car, do the laundry, cook... If ye didn't hate being around people so much, ye'd go to the store by yourself too!”

“I was just trying to take care of you.” Ghost pursed his lips and turned away to the kitchen table where he was slicing meat; in that moment, he was really regretting agreeing to be at home without a mask.

“I know, luv.” Soap looked at his back sadly. “If ye hadn't taken a leave to be with me, I would never have been able to handle it. But I'm feeling better now, and I want to take care of ye too. Otherwise, ye're going to come back to the base so tired that Price is going to fly here himself to ask me personally what I did to ye.”

The knife stopped moving, tapping the board. Simon washed it, wiped it down, and put it back before turning to Johnny again.

“I would have stayed with you for the rest of your recovery.” He said.

“I know ye would.” Soap nodded. “But the boys need ye, too.”

Ghost sighed but quickly shook off the sad thoughts because they still had plenty of time. Of course, the command was not happy that the lieutenant had decided to take all the leave he had stubbornly ignored for at least seven years, but Captain Price sided with him, arguing that Sergeant MacTavish needed to be cared for while rehabilitating from a serious injury. Of course, Soap could have gone to his parents' house, but it was too far from the hospital, and the eldest daughter and her children were staying at MacTavish’s family home, which would not have been conducive to the peace and quiet the doctors recommended.

“All right, then.” Finally, Ghost said, taking the second apron off the hook and handing it to Soap. “Put it on, take three medium-sized onions, and start cutting.”

“Oh no, not the onions!” Johnny rolled his eyes tragically, tying the apron.

“No arguments, Sergeant.” Riley cut off and reached for the meat mallet. “It's Tuesday, right?”

“Aye, Lt.” MacTavish took out an onion and began peeling it, standing next to Ghost.

“So on Thursdays we watch a movie.” Simon tossed the hammer and caught it by the handle. “And on Tuesdays we cook together.”

Johnny smiled happily, and Ghost couldn't help but smile as well. He began to pound away at the meat, thinking that Soap was right: of course, and if they were going to be a family, they should have some family traditions.

[gregrulzok]

Analyzing Interview with the Vampire is fun because going down one train of thought often leads me to a totally separate conclusion. Let me take you on the same journey I went through, real quick:

I started off thinking about the whole Claudia As a daughter vs. As a sister thing. I mean, it makes enough sense why she'd want to stop being their daughter so she could finally feel equal to at least Louis, if not Lestat.

But it's not that simple - she specifically requests to be called their sister after she witnesses Grace "bury" Louis. She even comments that she wasn't meant to be Louis' daughter, and that she was MEANT to be his sister. What's the significance here?

Louis specifically wanted a daughter when they made Claudia. Or rather, he proposed she be a daughter - Louis wasn't asking for a sister, in fact he HAD a sister and, at the time, at least some sort of relationship with her (albeit a tense one). If Claudia was meant to be a replacement for Grace, surely there have to be some connections between the two?

Well, there aren't. Grace's presence in the show is fairly understated, and they don't parallel Claudia almost at all - Louis and Grace are close at first, drift away slowly, Louis never struggles with her growing up, never feels like he has to take care of her, never feels bound to her like he does Claudia.

But... He does feel that way about Paul.

Paul, like Claudia, was fragile and needed care and attention. Paul, like Claudia, was chained to Louis. While he was alive, Louis was closest to Paul, and took care of him.

(And after all, both characters share a bird motif and the allusion to jumping off a high place to their deaths (and these things were put on Claudia, forced on her like a costume. Traits associated with Paul grafted onto Claudia)).

So, okay. Claudia isn't Grace, she's Paul - the reason the revelation comes to her after Grace abandons Louis is just because she never met Paul and had no way of understanding his and Louis' relationship.

In lieu of Paul, Louis is now taking care of Claudia - she's the family he has to look after, and therefore gives him purpose, and therefore chains him and restricts his freedom.

And all of this makes the lines where Louis cries to Lestat and laments never having a family of his own even more interesting, because... What family? Louis wasn't married, wasn't seeing anyone, wasn't even vaguely interested in having a family.

Had Lestat not come around, would Louis have gotten married? Had children? Does he really believe he would have, when the only woman he even shows a vague interest in is a prostitute he sometimes visits? When he all but laughs off the idea of marriage when Paul brings it to his attention?

No, Louis wouldn't have gotten married. He wouldn't have gotten anyone to take care of - because he already HAD someone to take care of. He was taking care of Paul. He couldn't, wouldn't have gotten married and had kids - not just because he was gay, but because if he had, and he moved out, what would have happened to Paul?

When he's lamenting no longer having a family, and being unable to have a family, he's lamenting the loss of Paul, and he's lamenting that now he has to leave an eternity without him, without anything to fill the void. He threw away his chance at marriage and kids for the sake of a man that he now has to spend eternity without.

...

And.

What if Paul was conscious of this?

On that rooftop, what if, on some level, Paul realized that he was holding his brother back from living a full life. When he urged Louis to get married and got immediately dismissed, what if he realized, or knew all along, the role he played in that dismissal, that decision?

...

What if Paul killed himself because he thought he was holding Louis back?

[awzominator]

may I offer u some low quality Rasey in these trying times

Senseless rambling under the cut don’t mind me

I’m stuck in how I want these two’s relationship to go Bc I love rasey but also I love Ramona and both are def gonna happen Bc it’s my AU and what I say goes HOWEVER…..I’m bad at writing and plotting and I’m second guessing everything I come up with snsnsnjs

as of right now Raph/Casey are dating in their teens Raph (and his bros and karai) go missing for like 2ish years and are presumed dead (rip) Casey obvi super distraught and spirals; he struggles and gets super reckless with his life and all that jazz (Bc he’s so well adjusted) anyway I took a lot of inspo from mirage plot line and brought Gabrielle into the mix. In this instead of her lover not being in the picture they just died and I wanted Casey to bond w her thru that and learn how to cope w the death of loved ones and move on even if the pain is still there My dumb of ass however, keeps getting hung up on how it’ll all work out cuz is two years too short for all this to happen???? But also it’s not real and it doesn’t really matter… Casey/Gabe relationship would still be new when Raph gets back (surprise not dead) and idk if I’d want to break them up Bc yay angst but also would Casey really just leave Raph hanging????? ((This is also if I still keep Casey in New York City and not make him have a crisis and road trip like in mirage djsjjsjs))

Raph would prob see how happy Casey is and prob like step back and let him have that relationship all while yearning for what they once had Bc the scariest part is him realizing how Casey has changed ((but so has he hasn’t he?? After everything he just went they and saw it was blink of an eye for him but it felt like a life time)) at the core they’re both the same ppl but they’re not 16/17 anymore…

So the Raph/Mona happens in their young adulthood once the gang goes to space a second time due to Kraang ((shocker))

like it could work but like….does it all sound stupid???? Probably but I It’s what I’ve got as of right now! I don’t do romantic relationships and frankly my experience of lost friendships is just Bc we grew apart and they stopped responding ((or Bc I found out they were racist and I cut them out djsjsjjs)))

[kawaiibarty]

UMMM if this is not an intrusive question, could you pls explain the process of you transitioning? Like whatever made you feel you were with the wrong body? And how did it bother you sm? This is plain curiosity. If u wish pls help me understand.

ahhhh hi hi it's not intrusive at all!

so for me it was really something that took time for me to understand because i didn't know that people were allowed to feel different yk

when i was a child i wore boys clothes because it made me feel happy, during playtime i called dibs on the boy characters, my avatars in video games were exclusively male.

i felt really uncomfortable wearing certain things like skirts and certain shirts and even different types of shoes. my mom said i was really picky and difficult about it lol.

for a while i sort of started wearing skirts and stuff, around 11 to 13 yrs old but, idk it was an odd period for me. i just wanted to be someone my mother liked yk. anyway, for most of my schooling id been in an all girls school up until gr7 when i moved cross country and schools. this new school was co-ed and it was really weird because i felt excluded a lot of the time because i wasn't...yk i didn't act like most of the girls and the people i thought id fit in with didn't like the way i did things LOL. i just felt alienated and like an imposter because i wasn't doing....girl right? iykwim

then i went to highschool a year later and i was shoved back into an all girls class for two years where i realised i properly like girls, except i thought i was homophobic because i didn't like the lesbian label or the bisexual label even though id tried out both at some point. it was like, i know i like girls and i haven't liked a guy properly but that doesn't make me lesbian because...but what if it does because im a girl, right? (spoiler alert, i do like guys and i realised that i could use the label queer without it being a slur also cue asexuality)

anyway, i was introduced to non-binary and it was a reaaaal relief. im telling you, once i was seen as something that wasn't an uncomfortable little girl it was good. but it still didn't feel right so i toyed around with androgyny except i didn't like how uncertain it made me feel yk?

im not saying that people who are enby or androgynous are wholly uncertain but i didn't want to feel like a poseur because i KNEW what i wanted but i didn't know if it was real.

i dont remember when this happened but somebody introduced me to he/they and they/he pronouns and i grasped onto that and it was okay for a while. still didn't feel like i was going it right because i had long hair and wore skirts and was still called a girl or non-binary and i hated my name and everything about the uncertainty yk? like it just came back out of nowhere

then one day this little boy comes up to me, i kid you not it's a CORE MEMORY for me, but this kid approaches me and he's like "are you a boy or a girl" and i start panicking because im not a girl and i hate being a girl and im not a boy because...i mean i don't even look like one right? so i ask him "what do you think i am?" and he says, without even thinking about "you look like a boy. i think you're a boy." and

yk, ive never smiled so wide in my life. i told him "yeah you're right" and he FISTBUMPS ME and im all giddy and excited and i text my best friend @d-rxse and im like OMGOMG YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED DUDE anyway that was three years ago

then i got moved to a co-ed class

it kind of went to shit after that because as soon as i came out as trans i got a new boyfriend and he had never dated a trans person before so for a while he used he/they pronouns for me and we called each other boyfriends up until maybe april of last year where he told me he was uncomfortable with it

so i was an idiot and threw away all my progress and said "you can call me your gf and use they/them pronouns and she/her in front of your friends" and yeah 👍🏼 progress gone. down the drain.

i fixed it tho, by the end of last year i was so done with his bullshit, i broke up with him a week after school started this year, cut my hair short, changed my name, pronouns and got a new phone. cut him out of my life completely. ive never been happier

[skzhocomments]

please 735 with hyunjin ☺️

General Masterlist

Request me a story

---

Writing Prompt 735 - “I have to walk away. I have to leave.” - Hyunjin

Word count: 2.6k words

~

Falling in love was one of the most beautiful feelings Hyunjin’s heart's ever gotten to know. From the moment he’s first seen you, it was like all the novels he’s ever read finally made sense. All the love songs, all the poems, everything he’s ever heard about love proved to be real, not just a fragment of an inspired person’s imagination.

Love, what a strange feeling it was. How weird it was to fall head over heels for someone he didn’t even know the name of.

He never thought it would happen to him. Not like this. 

He remembers that day perfectly. It was late April, the cherry blossoms were in bloom, and in-between the concerts and the tight schedules, he had a day off.

It was rare to be able to go on his own to a new city just to explore, to get lost in the intricate architecture, to breathe in the scent of unfamiliar streets, taste new foods and simply enjoy being a normal person, far away from his otherwise extremely overwhelming life.

On that day, he left the hotel with no plan in mind. All he wanted to do was to be a tourist, to head nowhere in particular and to enjoy as much as possible before his departure the next day. New show, new city, new people, new everything. It was tiring, really, to always be on the way somewhere, so he decided that for this outing, he wouldn’t be on the way to anywhere.

He wanted to be a regular person for a change, not the famous Hyunjin.

And so, he began walking slowly, his hands in his jeans, a cap on his head and a mask covering half of his face. He dressed as modestly as he could, making sure to not draw any attention, and he walked and walked and walked, smiling to himself and feeling truly happy for the first time in a long while.

Sure, being on stage made him happy; Stray Kids made him happy, and he enjoyed being at home with his family. But being on his own in a new place, just able to walk and enjoy a warm spring day? That’s when he truly felt free.

For the first two hours, he simply walked with a coffee in his hand, sipping once in a while. He sat on a few benches here and there, and then he resumed his walk, until eventually, he found himself in front of a beautiful building, maybe the most beautiful he’s ever seen ever since he left the hotel.

At closer inspection, he realised that the building was actually an art museum, and how perfect that was for him. He never planned on coming there, but being in front of such a magnificent museum, he felt like he could find answers to all his questions, and that he would finally be able to get over his art block.

He went in, paid for his ticket and got scanned for any weapons at the entrance like any other person, and he smiled to himself once more at the thought that no one recognised him. No one knew who he was, so he could just be someone else for a little while – not famous, not Versace’s Prince, not Stray Kids’ best dancer or visual or whatever else the media said about him.

And what a liberating feeling that was!

He walked and admired works of art for hours. The museum was so large, so impressive, he could just walk for a whole day in it and not get bored.

Unfortunately though, all the walking ended up making his legs grow tired, so he took the liberty to sit down on one of the benches inside. He picked his spot carefully, finding the most complex painting he could, and to his delight, there was a bench right in front of it.

The day couldn’t have been more perfect.

But then, as he approached the bench, he spotted you.

You weren’t anything extraordinary. You weren’t dressed particularly nice, you didn’t wear any make-up, and your eyes seemed very tired, but still, something about you made Hyunjin unable to take his eyes away.

You came and sat down right next to him, but you couldn’t care less about him, he noticed. You didn’t spare him even one glance. Instead, you focused on your apparent task at hand, which was taking out a large notebook out of your backpack and opening it up on a blank page. You then looked at the painting for a good fifteen minutes, Hyunjin counted, and after your intense staring, your eyes darted back to your notebook as you took out a pencil and began sketching.

Hyunjin was so drawn to the way you were drawing, each line sketched with perfect precision and confidence, and he found himself lacking. It was always hard to sketch, and his drawings never came out the way he wanted them to.

He watched you for more than an hour as you drew line after line, and when you were mostly done, you raised your notebook in the air and looked at your sketch, comparing it to the large painting in front of you.

Your face was displeased, Hyunjin noticed, and what you did next shocked him to the core. You clicked your tongue and ripped the paper away from the notebook, crumbling it with a soft sigh and a shake of your head.

“Oh, God!” He exclaimed loudly. He didn’t mean to do so, but he was genuinely shocked, and he couldn’t hold it in.

You turned to look at him with a confused expression, noticing for the first time that someone was sitting next to you. You were so absorbed with drawing that you couldn’t bring yourself to care about your surroundings at all, so it was no surprise that you didn’t see this random man staring at you for the past hour.

“Uhm…” You started, “Were you talking to me?”

“Yes… sorry… it’s just that I think your drawing was very beautiful. Why would you crumble it like that?” Hyunjin spoke, realising he might’ve been out of line.

“Oh, this?” You chuckled. “It’s shit, man. It’s the third time I’m trying to do this, but I just can’t get it right.”

“What? You got it perfectly!” He insisted.

“No.” You chuckled again. “But thank you for saying that. I appreciate it.”

As you replied, you sighed again and turned your attention back to your notebook, and so, you began drawing again.

“Are you going to try it again?”

“Obviously.”

“Why?”

“Exam.” You replied shortly, your eyes so focused, Hyunjin found it rude to interrupt you again.

Still, he couldn’t take his eyes away, completely captivated by how focused you looked when sketching. He decided to be rude once more, not truly wanting to disturb your concentration, but wanting to make sure that you wouldn’t mind his presence.

“Do you mind if I stay here and watch?”

“And why would you do that?” You asked, your eyes still stuck to your notebook.

“I’m an… aspiring artist, you could say. My sketches are not nearly as good as yours, so I feel like I could learn a lot from your technique.” Hyunjin replied truthfully.

“Sure, I don’t mind.” You shrugged, so Hyunjin decided to keep silent this time around, and he just watched how meticulous you’d draw each line, fully immersed in your creative process.

It took you two hours to finish, but when you finally put your notebook in the air the second time, you seemed more satisfied with the result.

“What do you think?” You asked, turning to look at him with a genuine smile, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

“I think that’s very beautiful. I love the shadows you added there, and I can’t understand for the life of me how you’ve managed to perfectly capture the viewer’s perception of all the elements.” Hyunjin took in a breath and then looked back at the original painting, before his eyes darted once more to your drawing. “The proportions are perfect as well. You nailed it.”

“Really?” You replied with an even larger smile.

“Yes.” Hyunjin chuckled a bit at your enthusiasm.

“Do you have any of your drawings with you? I’d love to see them.” You smiled once more, your eyes sparkling with excitement, and Hyunjin felt glad that he carried his notebook with him at all times.

He pulled it out of his bag and handed it to you, and you immediately began looking through it, nodding your head ever so slightly every once in a while.

“These are great.” You spoke eventually.

“What can I improve?”

“Hmm… let’s start with this one, maybe?” You showed him a drawing and began pointing out which areas he should work on better, and you even showed him a few examples by quickly resketching his drawings in your own notebook.

“Is the museum closing?” He asked after some time has passed – hours, to be more specific, which he didn’t even realise. He enjoyed so much talking with you about art, that time stood still, and the world around him didn’t matter anymore.

“Oh, I think so. We should go.” You chuckled.

“I really enjoyed talking with you… and I’d really love to talk to you and see you again. If you want to, of course.” Hyunjin said as you both made your way to the exit.

“Oh, me too, but… I’m currently just visiting my family. I got a scholarship and I’m attending a University in Korea this year, so I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to meet you again…” You smiled sadly. "We could text, though."

“Wait,  in Korea? Really? Where? In Seoul?”

“Yes.”

“I actually live there myself! Well, I’ll be back there in around two weeks, but still!”

“Really?” You gasped. “That’s such a fortunate coincidence!”

“Right? I can’t believe it!” He laughed. “Then… could you give me your number, maybe?”

~

That’s how you and Hyunjin started talking every day. He would send you sketches or random pictures he’d take around the world, and at first, you had no clue who he was or why he was travelling so much. It came as a shock when he eventually told you that he’s famous. You genuinely couldn’t believe it that this random man who’s grown to be such a consistant part of your day-to-day life in such a short time was actually a superstar.

You regretted catching feelings for him, because you never thought you’d be lucky enough for him to reciprocate them, but when he confessed that he’s also been harbouring much the same feelings as you did, you were over the moon, and so was Hyunjin.

Love was simply the most beautiful feeling in the world for him, and falling in love with you through your every day chats and multiple meet-ups throughout the week has been one of the best moments of his life.

But nothing could’ve prepared him for falling out of love.

The pain was tough, but the guilt was almost unbearable.

Hyunjin didn’t know how it happened or why, but he found himself replying less and less often to your texts, and he didn’t get much joy in receiving messages from you anymore. Talking to you used to be the part of the day he was looking forward to the most, but all of a sudden, he could go hours without replying to you and he wouldn't even notice anything missing.

He still enjoyed your presence and talking with you about your common interests once in a while, but the spark he once felt was simply gone, and it scared him. It made him feel like a horrible person. 

And the worst part of it all? No one understood him. No one seemed to know the answers to the questions in his heart, or the internal battle he’d been fighting.

Except for you.

You immediately felt the shift in his feelings, in the way he would hug you and kiss you. Making love felt more like sex than love, which was such a weird feeling when you were used to Hyunjin being so passionate about anything concerning you.

But you felt him slipping away through your fingers with each delayed text, with each cancelled plan, and you knew the end was coming.

It was agony to come to terms with the fact that your love only lasted for 6 months, especially when you were still so in love with him, and you were longing his presence more and more every day.

You felt that it was fate that brought you two together. It was fate working its weird, little ways of having both of you live in the same city, even if only temporarily. It was fate that Hyunjin and you had the same interests, the same taste in music, the same passions.

So, why? Why would fate be so cruel to deal you these hands of a short-lived love?

But, despite feeling this uncertainty for a while, you couldn’t bring yourself to let him go. You never voiced these concerns to him, no matter how much it hurt you, and you let himself become more and more distant.

Each time you’d make a plan with him, you would wonder if it would be last time you’d see each other – if he would finally get enough courage to tell you that he’s no longer in love with you.

You even began realising that he was probably never actually in love with you, but with the idea of love itself, and it hurt. It hurt so badly.

And so, with the November rain mercilessly crashing against your windows, you knew everything was bound to change, much like the seasons outside. The beautiful autumn was quickly turning into a harsh winter, just as you were anticipating the apparently inevitable break-up. 

You were waiting for Hyunjin to come to your apartment, and when he got there, you immediately realised that this would be the day he would finally muster up his courage and break up with you.

Damien Rice was playing in the background as you two walked in your small kitchen and sat down at the table, and with the way he was averting his gaze, you knew.

“Listen…” he started, so you kept quiet. “I have to tell you something…”

“Alright.” You nodded with a soft smile, conveying all the sadness you’ve been feeling for the past few weeks. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t… I’m so, so sorry… I don’t even know how to say this in a better way, or how to apologise, and I’ve tried to change it so hard, but no matter what I did, I realised… I don’t love you anymore.”

You were expecting this, but it still somehow took you off guard. You didn’t know what to reply.

“I’ve been thinking long and hard about this for the past couple of weeks, but… What I feel… it’s just not the same…”

“So… This is it, huh?” You asked in a quiet voice. “Is this how we’re breaking up?”

“Yes… I’m so sorry for everything. I wish I could still love you, but I… I have to walk away. I have to leave. I’m sorry.”

Tears began running down your cheeks in quick succession and you started sobbing quietly. Still, nothing Hyunjin would tell you would be able to comfort you in any way, so you decided to spare both of you of this relentless suffering. You just nodded and told him he could leave, and he did with no further words.

It broke your heart that such a passionate love turned you two into strangers so quickly, and although love used to warm up your heart, it now left you so unbearably cold, you didn’t know how you would pick back up the broken pieces of your shattered heart.