#read through it all because i'm now going to take my silly little mental health walk

[reitziluz]

distressing to read through the chapter and realize that oh no. oh no. the done parts are not nearly as done as i thought they were. ohh no.

but also the ending scene is pure fire. needs only superficial polish. i had forgotten what i had changed on an earlier editing round, and gave myself chills, so, that's promising!

[intotheelliwoods]

(Apologies in advance for this lmao) So. It's been a bit since the first keychains went out, and I was planning to hop on the bandwagon of people who posted pictures of Poptart dangling out windows and tucked into beds, but life happened and I missed that train haha

Instead, I'd like to let you know something.

The past month or so, I've taken a good hard look at my health and tried to change it. I'm disabled, mentally and physically, and it takes a lot of work just to accept that, much less to improve my quality of life by dealing with it.

And I didn't expect it when I first started reading your comic, because it was just hugs and fun and pretty colors, but I think...I think 2al has made it easier to come to terms with my body, my limits, and the ever-expanding list of opportunities that I'm realizing I can still take advantage of as a physically disabled person.

Sprout got to be uncomfortable with his missing arm, use a prosthetic as an emotional crutch of sorts, and learn how to deal with it with help from Big Leo. Big Leo and Sprout got to experience and show the fact that an aid is an aid and not a permanent requirement. Poptart gets to explore life without a prosthetic by choice, and the challenges, and rewards, that come with that.

But most importantly, they all exist. You didn't shy away from the fact that they ARE disabled characters now, with trauma and healing and options for aid and different reactions and ways of dealing with it. The positives, the negatives, the little things that no one really thinks about (Sprout's cold robot arm and how it's not as comfortable to hug), you took it all into account as an integral part of their character and story.

And I didn't know I needed to see that, but here we are.

So I wanted you to know that, even though I don't have cool or funny pictures to share of it, my Poptart keychain goes with me to physical therapy, regular therapy, and everywhere I go with my cane. On bike rides and to check the mail. To doctor's appointments and visits to the store.

He lives with me while I learn to live with myself - a reminder that I'm not the only one going through this, that I can be disabled and still happy and silly and loved.

And that's amazing. So thank you so, so much <3

[xanderisbraindead]

Im gonna try to switch to a flip phone

Ive wanted to do this, or at least unplug a little from my smart phone for a while, but I always cave and reinstall my apps and start using my phone again. My screen time was 10 hours a day average last week and that is absolutely embarrassing to me. To keep myself accountable, I'm gonna list my reasons why I wanna do this.

Mental health: High smartphone usage is being linked to higher rates of mental health especially among teens. Social media and the constant bombardment of information is very stimulating on the mind and thats turning out to not be very good for you.

Attention Span: My attention span is kinda dogshit... I catch myself opening my phone to scroll social media while my sims game is loading WHILE I'm watching youtube...

Dumb shit: I see a lot of dumb shit (mainly on twt and insta) and it makes me so angry but then I catch myself wanting more and more of that. I know I have anger issues and for myself, I shouldn't be purposefully doing that. Internet discourse takes up too much of my brain space to where I'll talk about it in real life...

General dependence: It's just a piece of metal, why does it feel like a limb I need to have on me at all times? I don't need to fall asleep and wake up with this thing in my hands.

Oversharing: I overshare a lot to the point I get embarassed about it. It's a little harder to do this when you're using your computer because you have to be intentional about your internet use. You have to sit down and some features are limited on web (ie insta stories) so you can't just say anything.

I want to appreciate other things: As I said, I spend an average of 10 hours a day on my phone and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't feel like im doing enough in my days because most of it is going into staring into a screen. I want to read more and remember to flip my compost and do more things in a day than sit hunched into a screen.

Physical health: I have bad eyesight and a bad back. Staring into a screen is not helping either of those.

Compulsive shopping: I have got some cool stuff, but again, I want to be more intentional in my actions, including shopping. I've found myself spending money a little too loosely lately, and I'd like to think my purchases through more.

There's probably more, but thats all I can think of right now. I'm gonna make a big shift tonight and sleep without my phone in my bed. That sounds silly to make a big deal of, but ive done it for maybe 4 years now, even when I was on vacation last month.

So yeah, thats my new adventure: Beating the addiction to my phone.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

I've been compleatly OBSSESED with neon void so far!!! It's by far my favorite fic of any I've read!! After every chapter I have to take a second to do the happy stimmies because you write all of the scenes so well. Whenever I see a new update I clear the next hour for reading it and the subsequent geek out sesion for how AMAZING it always is. You write extremely well, you convey the characters so acurately, the fight scenes are creative, the way you write Leo's perspective is AMAZING, love the font changes, the angst PALPABLE, and just over all I love everything you're able to do with this concept. The way you can see Leo's mental state deteriorating through out the fic is just *chefs kiss*. There's so much I love about the fic that I can't possibly list everything.

Also the established difference between teleporting and portaling is so great, it adds to the pure panic that void causes for the boys aside from, y'know, crazy dude capable of beating Big Mama within an inch of her life and STRAIGHT UP OFFING a buch of other yokai. It does wonders for establishing him as a threat even though he technically isn't for the turtles. Plus I'm sure that once they find out who Void really is, it will add a bunch of tension since they'll need to stop Leo from literally SCATTERING HIS ATOMS ACROSS SPACE.

AND THE CHAPTER PREVIEW ISTG I've never gotten so much serotonin from being in this much pain ;0; The gif is perfect to set the mood, I can't wait to see what happens. You're ablility to choose just the right thing to stab so many people directly through the heart is nothing short of super-natural. BUT PLEASE give the boi some happiness, if not for his sake, for mine-

ANYWAYS this is all a VERY long way of saying, I absolutely love this and I had to draw the silly boi being the silly boi. I needed to draw him happy for the health of my heart ;-; (don't worry though, I'm working on some tasty angst right now)

Can't wait to see where everything goes, GOOD LUCK TO CASEY but there only six chapters left so we're getting to the end game now >:D

Please have a wonderful rest of your week :D

THANK U SO MUCH ;w; I’m so so happy that my fight scenes are followable/enjoyable, and tho they are a binch to code I’m so happy you enjoy the funky fonts and formatting ;w; i know reading blocks of text can be intimidating/tiring for readers, so i try to break it up to help with the pacing and sprinkle in some fun, spooky fonts as treats 🩵

Something i really, REALLY loved about Rise was the fights. Not only was the animation amazing, but it was always so creative. I try my best to make the fight scenes as silly as the boys can be, while utilizing their adaptive skills to use their surroundings to their advantage.

And bruh trying to balance Leo’s insanity in a believable way has been such a (fun) challenge so it makes me so happy to hear you like it 😭🥺 and I’m so glad people seem to like the ‘teleportation’ gimmick I’ve got going on (and that it hopefully makes sense omg)

(And i will admit I’m a little proud of my chapter previews because they are so fun to write, and i like to reassure readers that 1) i have a plan and 2) I’m keeping myself accountable to finish LOL)

Also aksdlaskdhaksdh thank u for this art this part especially is SENDING ME WHEEZE 🤣🩵❗️

[callsign-bunnie]

Wow… I always thought you were inclusive to all fans. Guess not.

Spoilers

I tried to be, and I still try to be to MOST fans, but I have limits and I have lines. I know it's probably been obvious, but I've really drawn back from being socially active in the fandom. I take stands, occasionally, but for the most part, I just block and move on. My block list on tiktok is long, because if I don't like content, I block rather than get upset.

I don't really look at my home page, anymore. Going onto AO3 hits me with so many (niche and specific to me) triggers in a day, that my reason for not reading others' works has shifted from, even though I'm working on managing it, my Dyslexia to just being unable to navigate my own triggers. This isn't anyone's fault, it's mine.

If I'm being honest? My mental health is in the dumpster and while this has a wide variety of reasons, if I can protect it in any way I can, I will. And if this includes having to tell a certain group of fans that they're not welcome on my blog? Unfortunately, that's what has to happen.

I'm not a stranger to fandom wars, as stupid as I think they are, I'm not a stranger to the aggression that happens here. And I have, definitely, been on the other side a few times. My first proper introduction to fandom was Supernatural and FNAF. I STILL deal with seeing posts talking about how a ship I didn't ship is superior to one I do ship for no fucking reason. I understand liking a character, and I understand having villain characters that you still like and love, and I can appreciate the "he's my precious pookie bear and does nothing wrong" mindset to a certain extent.

But I think ignoring Makarov's actions, even if he's a fictional character, even if it's just a game, is ignorant, in today's climate. A prime example of why I cannot get behind it is Russian Terminator. I have... so many reasons I can go through why this man is just awful, but my wife is slightly more educated, so I'll let her take the reigns on that one if she wants. However, he sucks. Objectively. But because he's masked and ripped, I see so many edits of him. So many.

I see people call themselves his "simps" and actively ignore and block those who try to point out his horrific actions and opinions and views and values to them. This man is not a fictional character. He's a real person.

I have always been a huge advocate for "live and let live" in fandom spaces. To an extent that even my wife and I get into arguments over it. My only limit seems to be pedophilia, for personal reasons. And I am not telling you to stop writing Makarov. I'm not even telling you not to find him hot. You can giggle and kick your feet when he "activates your praise kink" in the first mission, I don't care I won't stop you.

But I don't want that in my own space. I protect my peace. This ranges from silly things that just bother me (pricegraves) to big things like this. As my wife stated, Graves committed war crimes. Yes. He killed civilians, and that's inexcusable. But, I feel like this is comparing a passion killing, to systematic murder. Graves would have committed those crimes in any country, but the US. France, England, pretty much any country he could have gotten away with it.

Makarov targeted a country of Arabic people, because he knew about the aggression and islamophobia that exists in the west. He knew that if he pulled some strings a little, he could very easily turn a country just looking for peace into a country of terrorists, in the western media's eyes. This is irredeemable in my eyes.

So, no. I try to be inclusive. Pricegraves fans are still welcome to interact with me. They know by now that I won't write it, I don't really entertain it, and to go to my wife. The same for FarahAlex shippers, and really anyone who ships something on my No-Ship list. (Though please get the memo on that second ship, I'm never gonna budge, I'm sorry.)

I'm sorry if you feel alienated, I know it probably sucks. Trust me, I understand. But, unfortunately, I want to protect my peace, and I want my blog to continue to be my own safe space.

Thank you for understanding.

[cloud-somersault]

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re alright. 💕 I’ve been reading your status updates on Constellations and the Epilogue, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re amazing. Your writing is incredible and I love it. Your stories are so well thought out and the characters are ✨on point✨, and the plot is complex and detailed and aaahhh! It has me hooked! 🤩

And I understand how it hurts when you put so much effort and love into a story, only to post it and not see others be anywhere near as excited or invested as you are. I know how discouraging it can be. And it may be a little silly, but I do want to apologize for not commenting lately—life took some difficult turns for me healthwise around the end of last year and I haven’t been able to catch up! I’m still on Chapter 4 of Constellations! 😭 BUT Chapter 5 is open on my phone, and I am READY to read it as soon as I have the time (and mental energy, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue 😩). Don’t worry that your writing isn’t enough, or be discouraged if some readers don’t catch hints while others are figuring it all out seemingly too easily. Everybody reads and comprehends stuff differently, and it’s not a sign that your writing is bad if they don’t catch it! Honestly, I’m pretty bad at catching hints the first time I read a story unless they’re pretty darn obvious. I don’t usually notice subtle hints until the second, or third, or even seventh read-through, haha! (on the bright side, rereading stories and rewatching TV shows is always fun!) 😅

I guess what I really wanted to say is… don’t give up hope. Don’t lose your love and enthusiasm for your works, or feel like they aren’t worth writing because others don’t seem interested in them. At the heart of it all… at the end of the day… write because you love to. Because it makes you happy. And know that it doesn’t have to be “perfect”—the main goal should be that you enjoy it. That’s something I’m trying to teach myself, too. 💕

Thank you for taking the time to write this message and send it. I appreciate you're very kind words 💕I'm doing okay, I just had to take a step back for a bit from socials and stuff. I'm gonna keep that up for a while.

Please don't apologize for not commenting or taking your time reading. Your health always comes first, and I'm sorry if I came off as childish or needy, that wasn't my intention. Two things just happened that set me off and the timing of it was incredibly poor 😓

Please take your time reading; none of it is going anywhere, and don't feel obligated to leave comments either. i'm realizing that, even if chapters are short or long, finding the time to finish things is difficult, and everyone lives different lives. And I'm sorry about all the spoilers on this blog, I'll tag that better from now on.

But I really do think I got confused or disjointed in my perceptions; everyone here knows so much because i've been asked questions and given answers and people have interacted, so people following me here have more context than the average ao3 user. But I've kinda been expecting everyone to be on the same page, which will never be true.

I'm also the same way where it takes me a while to pick up on hints. I actually changed my writing style to prevent this. I got tired of reading books in college where you had to dive into every little thing. the hints and clues weren't obvious to me. I decided then that, when I wrote, I wanted things to be bold, obvious, but beautiful. I didn't want to make readers feel like they're missing something. I wanted them to trust that every answer, every clue would be answered in time. I made that promise to myself a decade ago, and being reminded of how different people interpret things just...made me remember.

I take writing really seriously, probably too seriously, but I've been doing it for so long and I love doing it. I want to be good at it. When it feels like I've gone back on that promise to myself, I get frustrated. I think of ways I could've fixed things. But I also remember that those books and those writing styles just weren't for me. I wasn't the target audience.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to explain why I got upset. I still love Constellations and I'm posting it on ao3 out of convenience, really. It's easier to reference and search there in one "Entire Work" than to have 5 documents open. The fact that others can see and read and have fun is a bonus. But I'm committed to telling this story, and I'm gonna finish with a bang.

Thank you, I won't forget why I'm doing this and that my thoughts/feelings come first! 😤I hope your health concerns are taken care of soon. Take it easy, and thanks again! 💕

[just-a-carrot]

Obligatory every now and then "thank you for making the games that you do" ask 😌 it is so rare to see queer and mental health representation as honest and in-depth as your games. A big reason I spend a lot of my time making whacky little OW drawings is because it always just brightens my mood, being able to draw little guys who are like me in a way a lot of ways I just don't see expressed often. As someone who is Rather Disabled and Rather Queer, it's nice to just... have games where being those things is okay. Seeing nonbinary representation as honest and open as Gidget honestly made me tear up when I saw it. As someone who has Been Through That Stuff (in places that were-- and probably still are-- life-threatening to be seen as queer), I felt so seen by them and what they've been through. (I also forgot to mention but I did get the Gidget haircut eventually 😌 gender/10) ANYWAYS. Sorry if this ask got too Personal or anything I am a horrible judge of stuff like that 😅 but I did want to say thanks. (Also while I'm at it, thanks for answering the many asks I send about incredibly random topics related to the blorbos. I get very anxious about sending them so I don't half the time [nothing to do with anyone, I am just Anxiety: The Rabbit], but for the times I do, thank you for entertaining the asks even if they are utterly ridiculous most of the time haha. (And thanks for the help/feedback on dev-related stuff too, it's appreciated 😌 the comment left on TRJ still brightens my day whenever I think about it because I thought while making it that no one would enjoy it... but receiving that shortly after publishing it assuaged my fears by quite a bit so I'd just like to say thanks for that too. (...Whoops I think I have made a message Utterly Too Long but I hope it gets the points across??? Maybe??? Hopefully???)

weep this is incredibly sweet???? 😭💕

it literally brings me the utmost joy when people can see parts of themselves in my chars or relate to my char at all or feel seen, etc. also because a big part of this game is based on my own experiences and struggles so it helps ME feel seen when OTHERS also feel seen because then we can all relate together and maybe feel a little less alone in the experiences we've gone through in life

LKDJALFKDSFADF PLEASE DON'T EVER BE ANXIOUS ABOUT SENDING IN ASKS I LITERALLY LOVE RESPONDING TO THEM????? (tho i get it it would probably make me anxious too now matter how many times someone said that LOL) but fr i love going through my ask box and answering silly little questions. especially lately my anxiety's been cranked up to 11 so getting to distract myself with silliness is oftentimes a lovely godsend 💕

AND OFC 🥺 i always want to help in any way i can and also just spread love as much as i can. being a dev in general can feel so isolating, especially when we're neck-deep in deeply personal projects that take a lot out of us to work on (no matter how much we love them lakdfad). it helps knowing we've got others out there that can support us and have our backs and a little community of small devs that can relate to each others' issues and boost each other up

LDKJFALDFKA DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT thank you so much for this sweet message!! i got a bit teary-eyed reading it sob 😭💕

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

hiiiii i don't know if you are okay with your followers ranting, if you're not just disregard this and I'm super sorry! (And sorry about any typos I'm on phone and sometimes autocorrect does what it wants)

But basically I was feeling down in the dumps and I wanted to read some content about comfort characters and I stumbled upon a Mihawk fic so I started reading and (trigger warning here!! Mentions of abuse but nothing graphic described!!! take care of yourselves and your peace!!!) it sadly was untagged with tw and for some reason, in what should have been a normal mihawk x reader, there was him being extremely toxic and demeaning towards his significant other either because he had a bad day or he was jealous and stuff like that.

I know it may seem silly to some people, but it really screwed me over. I know everyone can write what they want and headcanon characters how they want but it got me really upset and I figured someone who finds comfort in writing and watching shows and stuff could understand

Thank you for all your content, and especially for not making Mihawk abusive towards the reader. To me, he always seemed just as you portrayed him. Cold, perhaps, but not one to put you through emotional and especially not physical turmoil. Your fics and even little drabbles and comments are super nice and they helped cheer me up so thanks a whole bunch. And especially thank you for tagging tw stuff too and making this a safe space.

This applies to all characters, by the way, not just mihawk. You write all of them wonderfully and I love reading through them, especially Sanji and Shanks. It's just at that particular moment your mihawk content really saved me a good few silly tears. Thanks ❤️

This is very very important and I'm glad you sent me this. I'm NOT glad at all that you had to go through that. So I'm gonna make this a PSA.

It takes very little time and effort to add a trigger warning to a fic and there's no excuse not to. We don't know what everyone's triggers are, no; but if it's something blatantly obvious like toxic and abusive behavior, mental health troubles, graphic violence, etc:

Then, my comrades, PLEASE PUT TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE THE CONTENT.

And Anon, I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. I wholly understand the importance of comfort characters and how stumbling into that kind of fic unknowingly can essentially ruin it.

I'm beyond happy you've found my blog to be a safe space, and I hope that it continues to be one for you and anyone else that needs it.

I also understand that everyone needs to let out a good rant now and then, and this is absolutely a safe place for that too!! I'm happy to hear from anyone at any time about anything, my ask box and inbox are both always open, so please don't hesitate utilize them ❤️🫂

[swearyshera]

Alright, some of this is hitting me in a way that neither of us could have expected. I talked with you earlier about Entrapta's background story hitting me hard with some things I've been through... Okay, now you've got discussion between Catra and Glimmer about Angella's demise, which neither of them actually expected. Little aggravations at a loved one, little memories and deseprately wanting them back. Glimmer chooses to believe that it was a sacrifice on her mother's part in order to hold it together. *Sigh* - this is very personal. I just lost a loved one, a very close family member also best-friend, a person I had a unique geeky bond with and it's the kind of bond I'll never have again. He was the third member of my tiny little found family and we had him up for holidays and that's never happening again. We learned of his death yesterday and I've just been going through Hell. He was young and it was sudden - he had some health issues, but it was still unexpected. It wasn't a heroic sacrifice, but there are things I need to believe about it to hold myself together. I'm flashing back to Entrapta's seeing a tear in space-time to know what's on the other side. I remember what canon did and what you're looking forward to doing to a cruel fundamentalist version of a god while I'm flashing back to some of my old religious trauma hard right now - as in, I'm really, really hoping the fundies / evangelical circles I used to be a part of aren't right and have been outright Hordak-style *threatening* God to do the right thing by my loved one, possibly sealing my fate if there is a Hell and being glad of it. This portion of the script is coming at the "right?" time for me? Wrong time? I am hoping I can find some catharsis in it? Anyway, I do apologize for any reblogs I do in the near future in which I blubber all over your posts. I'm holding steady, but it's probably going to happen sooner or later. _freedfromthegalactichivemind

@freedfromthegalactichivemind Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would always say that looking after yourself is the most important thing, and if any of my posts do bring up stuff that makes it more difficult for you, please do take a break. I'm the worst person for "deal with stuff by totally immersing yourself in it", and that doesn't always work, so do take it slow and be kind to you. This goes for everyone, too.

There's a few things that I have taken to quite a raw level in these last two seasons and I've come out of the comfort of non-stop silliness in order to have a more meaningful impact on people. But I don't do it to hurt, these stories will ultimately become ones of comfort and power. I've expanded on Prime's zealotry to be a more bare-faced depiction of the anti-LGBT rhetoric that we're seeing worringly often in real life and how weathering it seems insurmountable - but he will be defeated by people who stand fast and remain true to who they are, people who will never ever let those like him win. I've also leaned in pretty hard to Catra's fragile mental health, not because having her talking about how she wants to kill herself is shocking and spices up the story, but because I want to have her reach that lowest point multiple times and still fight for a life that she wants to live. I've been there, as I'm sure many people reading this have - it's messy, but it is not the end.

So yeah, I make the choice to invoke difficult things that might hit some of you quite hard, but I do it with the love and intention to show that perseverance through adversity is one of the hardest, most rewarding things any of us can do. (Also, I know some of this can get quite personal, you're welcome to blubber at me through DMs if you prefer).

We're gonna win in the end.

[rinhaler]

No way omg I read some of your works and I was like this author is sooo good the writing looks a biiit familiar tho

Just found out you’re fuwushiguro lmao!! You used to be (and still are) one of my fav fanfic writers.

Why’d you move blogs btw?

AAAAAA that's so funny what gave it away?? 😩 welcome back though I'm happy to have u :3

also okay I never used to talk about my follow count or anything on my old blog but it was just a bit much mentally for me. I used to beat myself up over not performing well despite my follow count. I actually had over 10k followers on fuwushiguro but like I said, I used to keep that to myself. I just didn't want to be perceived in a certain way because of the amount of followers I have, but it doesn't matter now since I don't live there anymore.

Coming here was just a fresh start for me. I couldn't wrap my head around why so many people were following but I felt so... alone? Like I didn't feel supported at all over there. I worked so hard on my writing and I just hated how poorly everything I posted performed. And I know you're not meant to care about notes or whatever but I did, massively, and my mental health suffered terribly for it because I just blamed myself and my writing for not performing well. It might sound silly, but I can't really put into words how sad it feels to have so many people following you and then ultimately feeling so alone and uncared for.

I know a lot of people deal with this though and it wasn't just me. Everyone here works hard and it is just super upsetting when you work hard and then feel like no one actually cares. I really fell out of love with writing so I just thought, fuck it, I'm going to make a new blog and just keep to myself.

I've recently gone through a friendship breakup which massively knocked my confidence in writing too because the ex-friend, albeit unintentionally, made a choice that just left me hating myself and my writing even more. I've been suffering mentally through that and feeling alone because she was everything to me and my entire days revolved around her pretty much so losing that constant in my life was actually agonising, and unfortunately I do still miss her a lot!

But I've been filling my time with writing again and to be honest it's been lovely. I hate how she handled things and I don't think I will ever get over that. It's been nice to know I don't need to suffer forever though and do have that escape with writing when I need it!

Becoming a smaller blog again has absolutely taken the pressure off everything I write and post, too. It's just really freeing to not have any expectations placed on me (whether that's by myself or other people).

I've made some lovely new friends and am making new memories with people over here and I have a nice little community and safe space here for myself and my followers and I just know it was the best decision I could have made even if it didn't start off in the best way.

SORRY FOR RAMBLING THIS GOT SO DEEP ADSGFHDGJF

Thank you for finding me again though it's really nice to have a mix of old and new followers so I can carry on making this nice little space here :3 thank you for supporting me and my writing, pls take care of yourself my love!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Thank you for explaining. It's a shame you had to go through all that. Your writing for Twilight is one of the best I've found, I love it. I hope you strongly consider coming back, I miss it so much. But it's understandable if you don't, and I know it's easy to say this from my side, but please don't let miserable people continue to meddle and control your life, thougths and art. I found your blog when I was in the worst state of my mental health and it helped me so much, so thank you 💕

The truth is that miserable, desperate people will always be willing to start wars and point fingers at others to prevent them from looking in the mirror and facing their rotten selves. That's why they get so angry at others, to try to fill their inferiority problems. Accusing others of what they themselves are.

And I'm sure if you start writing for Twilight again, you'll have many behind you, screaming with joy. Every now and then I reread the Dimitri, Caius and Romanians fics. It's a safe place for me. Know this. 🙏💘

Its sad to say I'm not the only one. This happens to lots of people every day. I worry that about the impact it could have.

I made this blog for fun, for the stories that would pop up in my head with nowhere to go. It's supposed to take us out of reality even if just for a moment. It stops being fun when it gets twisted by reality and put under a microscope to figure out what could and couldn't be in between the lines of the tiniest of details.

Whilst I'm fine with the drama and don't wish anyone ill will or anything. Its taught me a lot about boundaries that I need to have. I can't let people over the Internet make me doubt myself and my intentions. I hate that I've been accused of such horrendous things with pitiful evidence because I can now say three years later in other fandoms and in IRL. Those accusations never left the fandom. Only in the twilight fandom have I ever been accused of anything and surely that has to mean something.

I've always said it and will continue to say it. Anyone reading this, I am just a person on the Internet. Don't let anything I say impact you. Leave me here on this blog in the Internet. Don't carry my words with you unless they have a positive impact on you.

Remember, I'm here for a fun time. Not to hurt anyone. Not to antagonise or anything like that. Here for a giggle.

I didn't delete all my fics in the end because I had people telling me the very same thing. That they loved going back and some of their favourite fics were in there. As much as I was pissed off and absolutely done, in the end, I couldn't do it to those who I'm so lucky to have appreciate my work and even to this day go back for them. It warms my heart.

It feels good to be able to talk about what happened because it wasn't the goodbye I had ever wanted. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to go for my own sake. To be able to talk about it and not panic, or feel upset about it is freeing.

So thank you for asking, and I'm glad I made a difference for someone by taking the edge off as they got through difficult times. I feel even more lucky enough to have people stick around even after. Finding such support is rarely guaranteed, and wow am I lucky to have gotten so much of it.

I'm glad my work could help you through healing and it's a blessing to think my silly little ideas in my head are kept so fondly to others. Its people like you who make this all worthwhile. ❤️

[kittenwalker]

This may sound silly but could you write something along the lines of Evan dating a plus size instagram model? Where she usually is very confident and never lets the hate and negative comments get to her but one day she caves and reads through them and starts feeling insecure, as if she doesn’t deserve Evan because she’s not thin and in shape, kind of getting distant and finally Evan is like what is up and basically makes her talk to him and she tells him and he gets so upset (not at her but at the situation) and he is like it doesn’t matter to me and tells her how effin beautiful she is and how he loves her curves and the extra cushion on her etc. not really angst but he’s very much “you’re going to listen to me” and “you don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t like and if I should or shouldn’t get to be with you, that’s my choice” if any of this makes sense??? Lol I just feel it’s very much something Evan would do in this situation but I can’t put it in words very well 😩 thank you lovely xx 💕

notes : god I'm so slow with the requests recently and I'm so sorry, am not in the best mental state rn so yea sorry again! Thanks for all the support and great ideas yall have given, rmb you are all greatly appreciated in life! <3

Okay just a little peak won’t hurt right? Wrong, it hurts Y/n a lot. Who knew she would go down this road again as she told herself she would never give in to reading them.

-

Back in highschool, Y/n was shamed for being big in size because everyone surrounding her was fit and curvy. She got bullied by those boys in her class every time she walked past them. All those negative remarks really affected her, she would always come home and just cry in the shower. Faking a smile everywhere she went, to say the least, those few years weren’t really nice to her. Until she found her worth and it changed her.

Y/n realised her worth and wouldn’t let anymore nasty comments get to her. She also decided to start eating healthier and exercise more regularly as she realised maybe her old diet wasn’t really the best. Y/n did this for her own health benefits and not to show people that she became ‘ skinnier ‘ as she had no interest in that. She was confident in the body she was living in and her confidence really earned her a lot. A wonderful career and a caring boyfriend.

Starting her modelling career really made her happy, she felt loved by the people around her and she even found a special person along the way. Evan really made her feel good about herself, he accepted Y/n for being herself. Whenever she was in doubt of herself Evan would prove her wrong. Even when she thought everything was perfect and was finally being accepted, so then Y/n read her comments on her first instagram modelling advertisement. Wrong move because it made her go back into that dark place, but thank god for Evan. He comforted her and told her she wasn’t impressing anyone and that it was her body. He made her feel safe again and Y/n swore to Evan she would never read those nasty comments again.

-

Well we’re back to square one aren’t we? 

Y/n couldn’t help herself, she started to feel insecure again and instead of discussing it with Evan, she went back to her comment sections. 

She caved, so when Evan wasn’t at home she locked the bathroom door and scrolled through the ugly things the internet said about her. Starting with her instagram account, going to her recent post she clicked the comment sections and her eyes were now exposed again.

‘ How did she even get this job? She’s literally so ugly ‘

‘ I think I can be the the face for Victoria Secret if she can get a modelling career ‘

‘ Does anyone actually take her seriously? ‘

‘ Bella hadid wannabe ‘

The comments were somehow worse than what it was before. Don’t these people realise that there is no difference if you are ‘ big ‘, ‘ small ‘ or ‘ perfect ‘ ? We are all bones and skeletons on the inside. Still, they managed to get into Y/n’s head, making her start to believe them. She also couldn’t stop reading them, it was like her drug. So she went to twitter next but she should have known that it was worse over there.

Y/n did the same process, but the comments in this app really made her doubt everything. The rude people were now coming at her for her relationship with Evan.

‘ There is no way she’s dating Evan ‘

‘ Okay I love Evan, but seriously is he blind? So many women in the world and he chose her? ‘

‘ Emma was definitely the prettier one, no doubt should've just stayed with her. ‘

Y/n vision blurred the more she scrolled, the whole bathroom filled with her sorrow. Her face was stained with ugly tears, crying until her eyes were all puffed up. The comments were starting to brainwash her, her thoughts making her insane. ‘ What if they’re right? ‘ ‘ Maybe I’m just a game for Evan to get over Emma, ' Y/n thought to herself. The world treated her differently just because society said her body type was hideous, and that was so unfair. 

The more she thought about those words, the more it affected her. Yea she could just stop thinking about it as everyone says, but it’s much easier said than done. It was like a drug, it was addicting. Once you start you can’t stop, no matter if it benefits you or harms you. So Y/n kept reading them, thinking maybe this was the truth, maybe to make her understand the hard and ugly truth. 

She kept reading the comments that were criticising their relationship, saying how Emma was a way better partner. Until she heard keys rattling and footsteps entering, she realised it was Evan coming back home from his grocery run. 

‘ No shit, Evan can’t know I relapsed. He’s going to be mad if he found out what I was reading about. ‘ Y/n mentally yelled at herself

She quickly got off the floor and rinsed her face so she would look fresher. Evan cannot know about what happened today, so she obviously didn’t speak a single word about the situation or how she was feeling. Instead she let her thoughts eat her up, making her think she didn’t deserve him. So of course it resolved to Y/n ignoring and avoiding Evan, but he started to notice it.

-

Y/n was getting cold and distant with Evan, he could tell as she smiled less around him and Y/n was always the lovey dovey type so when something was off Evan would know. He knows her like she was at the back of his hand, he could read her like an open book. Evan thought maybe she was just tired, but her coldness kept going on for days until he needed to break the silence.

During dinner today, he decided to confront the problem. Evan thought watching a movie while eating take-out would maybe bring them closer together and make Y/n feel more comfortable with confessing about what’s wrong. So that’s what he did, now they’re on the couch eating chinese take-out while watching a Marvel movie. The television screen shined onto them in the dark room, making Evan focus on Y/n’s face. The more he looked at her, the sooner he realised she looked absolutely tired. Tired of what he didn’t quite figure out yet, but she had dark eye bags and she looked like she’s completely fazed out, not even focusing on the movie. This was also her most adored Marvel movie, no matter how many times she watched it, Y/n would squeal over the same moments. Deciding this silence should be broken, Evan switched off the television and stood up to activate the lights.

“ Y/n what is wrong? You can’t hide it anymore, these few days just seem off. You aren’t yourself, but you also wouldn’t want to discuss what has been bothering you.” Evan frustratedly said

Y/n just sat there in guilt, guilty she had been caught and had to go through this all again. She never wanted to burden Evan with her stupid overthinking thoughts. He already had so much on his plate, Y/n didn’t want to add more and make it overflow. But she couldn’t change a determined Evan’s mind when he knew that something was wrong. So she just sat there, staring at the ground as a tear slipped out, resulting in a whole breakdown. Making Evan immediately soften and run to her side to comfort her.

“ Shh you’re alright, tell me what’s disturbing you when you're ready alright? Just breathe in and out to calm down first. “ Evan patted Y/n’s back

As Y/n’s sobs stopped and her breathing started to stabilise, she took one deep breath in and faced Evan. After her episode, she mustered up the courage to confess. The words came dripping out, Evan just listened, not interrupting once. Y/n told him everything, the insecurity to the comments and then to the doubt of their relationship because of how she looked. She could tell he was sad, his eyes were full of sorrow not for her thinking their relationship would fail, more of because of how she thought of herself. Y/n’s self-image made Evan feel like he failed in making her feel beautiful and think positively. 

“ Then I heard you coming back home and quickly washed up to seem fine. I’m sorry I kept this from you for so long, I just… didn’t want you to get mad I relapsed. “ Y/n fiddled with her fingers as she looked down.

Evan hooked his thumb under her chin and brought her face to look at him. He brushed off the remains of her tears, placing a kiss on each of her eyes. Y/n’s eyes were sore, tired from crying so much, Evan gave them each a kiss to warm them and assure them they aren’t going to spill anymore. Now it was time to reassure Y/n, to tell her the real truth. That she’s beautiful no matter what and that she won’t have to feel this way ever again.

“ Y/n, you’re going to listen to me.I know social media can be quite daunting and brainwashing sometimes. But you don’t need to listen to them, you just need to know that you are perfect inside and outside. The people in the screen haven’t even met you and already judged you, so don’t put so much thought into those strangers. Y/n, you are perfect and the sweetest person ever so don’t put a piece of mind to those who judged the books by their covers. They are just insecure themselves, that’s why they have to pull someone else down to feel better about themselves. And about the doubt in our relationship, you don’t have the right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Like getting with you is my choice because I think you’re a wonderful lady, I love you Y/n. Plus I love your curves and cushion, it makes a nice pillow. “ Evan ended it with a joke, making Y/n giggle.

“ But- “

“ Nope no buts, no talking back because everything I said is true and I would never take it back.” 

A smile slowly formed onto her lips, who knew she could get this lucky with a man like Evan. Y/n snuggled her way into the crook of Evan’s neck, where it was safe and warm. He kissed the top of her head and mumbled.

“ Emma is nothing compared to you, you’re greater and everything she wasn’t. Now if you still don’t believe my love for you, let me show it to you. “

Evan grabbed the back of Y/n’s neck and made her look up into his darkened eyes. His gaze fell to her lips, oh was he drooling over the sight of her plumped red lips. Jeez was she not going to be able to walk the next day.

[artichow]

Hey! It’s CureDeity (sorry tumblr makes me ask from my main). I am here, in your inbox today, to rattle my little empty coin can and ask you to list some of your favorite beyblade fanfics! I’m going around asking a lot of people this, so feel free to ignore it if you want, but I thought this might be a good way for people to shout out some of the fanfic they really enjoy! Btw, if you can, I thought it would be helpful to list which site this fic was on so others could find it easier if they wanted to. Also, if you’ve written any fic (or have fic ideas, as we all know, imagining the same scene over and over again is the bread and butter of a writer), please also take this chance to have a massive, amazing ego and tell us which of your fics you're most proud of/is your favorite/etc.

oooohh yes yes yes!!!

i'll preface this by saying that i haven't/don't read as much fanfics as i want to and there are just so many amazing stories being made in this fandom honeslty!! also as a non native english speaker i'm always blown away by certain phrases or paragraphs that just scrtch my brain just right it's really inspiring to see what people can do with words in different ways and styles.

So first i thought about @little-christmas-song's secret santa gift to me so this is christmas (the war is over) because TFRGEHYSJ IT IS!!! so good!!! i loved reading it, the ideas and just the feeling of the setting being so well built around me while i read it!! the characterization was so good and that's really amazing because ryuga is a hassle to write right imo,, anyway really amazing style and i can't wait for other pieces from Song (i can confidently say the next one will be a banger :>)

then from @artisadie, her fic the previous wielder (is just a guy) was so emotional and like so nuanced too? like grhjesk i loved it the vibes were really good and the structure made it really pleasant to read

so many others i have to read (i'm sorry guysss) but one fic from @lady-lazagna that i felt was really on point character wise was Pumpkin head it is such a good Yu characterization me think and also Tsubasa's character is really interesting when laz writes him!! makes me appreciate him so much more

I really really loved @andro-dino's toby fic this body of mine, it's been a while and i forgot a lot of it unfortunately but i remember being just !!!!!! aaaaa so touched by that fic like,, it's so well written and just hits close to home in subtle ways and just makes you love Tioby even more if that's possible

But but but i also really loved constants because,, hyoma. And axel writes hyoma so well and i just love him so much

okay now for your fic deity!!! i have,, a lot but i tried to make it a little smaller selection, here it is: first i think aquario's refrain (and also aquario's reawakening) really marked me it's such a good read and expendation on hikaru's character and just,, so so good,, the way you write hikaru's mental health issues and fights is just amazing!!

then i looked through ao3 real quick just now and i thought back to mayblade, the last day actually!! chapter 18: moon this. this gingka, the way he is written and also just how you managed to write so many characters and keep the rythm going and just write an amazing conclusion in general aaaa i still love it immensely

and last but not least Gingka's also adopted?! because man... MAN!!! this fic kncked me down kicked me and brought me back to life and gave me just one of the best aus and ryo characterization ever i just love it it's so good i think it might be my favorite deity fanfic! everything, the different times it takes place in, the phoenix bit especially and just,, the feels so many feels

alright and also i want to take this opportunity to thank the people i've talked to and shared my silly headcanons, ocs and au ideas with, it really is a huge source of joy for me to connect with people through art, through this weird 13yo show we're invested in for one reason or the other. And even though i struggle with writing/can never finish any wip or plan any story for some reason i just love thinking about aus and my shoyo being part of this world too, thinking way too deeply about hyoma or ryuga's characters :') so thank you everyone who has let met talk about all of that with them i love you <3 and thank you for sharing your little aus, ideas, your ocs and everything in between with me too, it's really an immense pleasure to read and exchange about them every time!!

[fairycosmos]

hi love, hope you're doing well, I know a lot of people say this BC it's true but your posts and advice and wisdom etc etc is just sooo lovely to read honestly. so I saw you used to be a TA but quit cos it was like too much for your mh and stuff I'm in the exact same position rn and I just wondered if u have any like info/advice anything really like... obv dw about me taking whatever u say as too final but like, is it a silly job role to have when ur someone who really finds life so draining so easily and struggles w mental health often? like even tho working w kids is lush in general. cos Im on a break rn w an agency and then planning on going part time at some point but even then that seems scary af.

hiii sorry for the late response to this - i hope you still see it. i wanted to say i totally understand being overwhelmed in this way. working with kids can be wonderful but it is also absolutely draining and when you're already emotionally drained just in general- it gets to be a lot. i was at a breaking point with it, too. just the constant pressure of it. needing to take a step back is absolutely fine. last time i worked childcare, i was (i guess i still am lol) incredibly depressed, and with the insane hours i was working (it was a nursery that stayed open late LOL) and the high-stress esp for low pay (apprenticeship wages 🙄) it just wasn't sustainable. something had to give at that moment for me to feel like staying alive was even possible, and it's alright to admit that. i think when i quit, i even told my boss something along the lines of "im not giving the children the presence of mind they deserve because im in a really bad place right now', and it kind of helped me to frame it that way. that by doing what was right for me, i would also be doing what was right for the kids, even if it was painful and bittersweet and made me feel like a failure.

i guess i also want to say that just because you're feeling this way right now, like you need to pull the brakes on your job a little bit, doesn't mean you always will. and two (or more) things can absolutely be true at once - you can be great at what you do, have a genuine love for it, want to return to it in the future, and still be completely fucking exhausted by it all. i think doing what you can to reach out in terms of your mh and making that a priority would definitely serve you well in the long run. i took a break from it and now, when im starting to consider seeking part-time TA work again, i can see advantages of the job now that im looking from afar + after a break to recalibrate my mind and my approach. part-time hours might be a great compromise for you that works out - its a lot less overwhelming and a lot more manageable - but if that still ends up feeling like too much for you, that's okay. it's pretty clear that you're burnt out and in need of some deep emotional rest and catharsis, someone to talk through your feelings with so you can examine where they come from and how to cope with them healthily in the future, which is totally understandable - most people need that or a version of it at one point or another. i know the nhs is on its last legs esp in terms of mental health care, but i would encourage you to ask your doctor for a referral + seek out support groups in your area or any cost-effective private therapy practices if that's an option for you (a lot of them are willing to work with clients to agree on a manageable price.) anyway sorry for rambling, i think i just wanted you to know that you have numerous ways forward here and that your current stress level is completely justified + relatable to me as a TA with MH struggles. i think it's about finding a balance, whatever that looks like for you. im rooting for you and if you want to talk about this a bit more, i will be here. also, thank you so much for the kind words 💌💌 they really made my morning feel a bit less shit. i know im just a stranger and nobody has to take my words seriously or listen to them ever and it means a lot that they sometimes do. sending a big hug your way. it's ok to put yourself first for as long as you need and are able to! X

[profblahson]

It's a read more cuz I want to vent and get kinda real a bit here

I have been not good recently. 2022 literally knocked me down, spit on me, kicked me as I tried to get up, and ended with me being just about the lowest I can ever remember being. I contemplated different methods to end myself. I almost tried some of them.

But some movies came out that have literally kept me going.

Everything Everywhere All At Once is probably my favorite film I have ever seen (you wouldn't know that based on my tumblr recently, but I'm gonna get to that). Working through so much of my own familial trauma, depression, and thoughts of suicide, this film resonated with me more than basically anything. And it's done through this absolutely silly premise with so much goofy action, but dammit if it didn't get me tearing up over a fucking rock with googly eyes. Joy's anger and frustration and exasperation at the end of the film is exactly what I was feeling at the time, and still honestly do.

I literally do not know where to begin with what feels so goofy to say, but it's so real right now. This fucking movie about a Ginger Cat that wear Boots has me in a vice grip. Puss' (Puss's?) figurative and literal entanglements with Death and the value of life is hitting me so hard, because of how much I wanted to stop my own. The wolf is hot. I haven't wanted to consume so much media about a fictional character like this, ever, that I can remember. It feels so silly to say out loud (type), but how much Death values life in this film is so interesting and cool to me, and if the fucking sexy wolf wants people to cherish their existence then dammit maybe I should, too. And consuming all this media is bringing me so much joy, I literally haven't just randomly smiled as much as I have these last like, two weeks thinking about this film and character in a long time. Is it healthy to be so consumed by fictional characters? I don't know, but it's making me happy right now, so I want to ride it out.

I've lately felt like the universe has just put a giant brick wall in front of me, and is continuing to add layers as I chip and pry away at it with my bare hands. I've been feeling like I'm fighting to merely survive for over a year, and my mental health has really tanked because of how frequently I feel like I've been shat on the last twelve months of my life.

I know that there's an end to it all. I know there will be a way out of where I am. I am working so hard to try and find the ladder to climb out of this pit.

If being horny on main for Death gives me a little light, I think I'll let that candle burn as long as it can. If screaming into the void now and then helps calm me down, I might rant more like this here and there.

If you know me in real life, I'm okay. I will be okay. I appreciate and love you for taking the time to stick with me and through all my ups and downs (and also the wolf).

Thanks for your time.

[sexybabystevie]

i kinda want to get back into writing again, only im not exactly sure how if we're being honest. it's been so long and so much has happened i feel like i've lost the ability to do it. or the idea of writing feels so- distant. any tips on how to get back into it?

hi anon! i absolutely want to say that feeling this way is totally okay and valid! i feel like this a little bit currently, and it is pretty hard to stop feeling this way and to get out of that slump. however, i do think i can give you some tips!

also, i just want to say that it's totally okay if you don't want to write anymore, or if your mental wellbeing comes first. sometimes we get overwhelmed by what we feel we should be doing, and it's hard to just enjoy our old hobbies like we used to. if that's the case, taking a break can be good, but you can also use writing to try and cope with what's going on. (i do this a lot. you don't necessarily have to write about your situation, but you can do that if you want! i write very similar situations with some of my favorite characters - or sometimes i become a little evil and write pure angst to get through it. it helps!)

anyway, back to the tips!

1.) READ. i know this sounds a little silly, but sometimes we lose touch of how much we enjoy fics and literature because we don't have the time to enjoy others' works! reading your own share of fics can totally help, but it's okay if that doesn't apply to you or if it doesn't help at all. i become inspired by others frequently, so it's something that can assist me at times!

2.) try not to stress about it. i know this one is hard, but when we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to write perfectly, to have amazing works out to our followers all of the time, it really drains us of our drive and our inspiration, and it makes writing seem like a chore rather than something we're meant to enjoy.

3.) start out small. basically, try not to rush yourself into writing huge fics again. it's okay to do little blurbs or shorter one shots to get back into the groove of things.

4.) if you do have an idea that really inspires you, go for it! when i come up with an idea i absolutely love, sometimes the words are just easier to write, and i stress less about how im doing and have more fun! if you can do this, i totally suggest trying it!

5.) if you don't have any ideas, try pinterest or other sources. i have a boad on pinterest that's strictly writing prompts, and it's a great source for inspo and knowledge about writing! i know a lot of writing blogs exist on tumblr as well, so using those can be of great help too.

6.) check in with where your interests lie. this may sound strange, but part of the issue could be that you're trying to force yourself to write for characters or a series you no longer are passionate about (or are as passionate as you used to be). this is totally fine! maybe explore some new forms of media to write for, and incorporate that into your blog! (and don't stress, i find that the desire to write for certain series or media can come back in time! especially when/if you suddenly get more content for it!)

7.) if you're swamped with other things, don't force it! try not to stress even more about making your followes happy by giving them content. trust me when i say most of us would rather you enjoy what you post rather than feeling obligated to stress over something entirely and then post it. your health and happiness comes first, and when those needs are met it's so much easier to get back into the swing of things!

these are the main things that help me, i'm sure there are more but my brain isn't really working all that well right now. regardless, i hope that this helps you out anon! sending you so much love and positivity, you got this! <333