#read through it all because i'm now going to take my silly little mental health walk

[reitziluz]

distressing to read through the chapter and realize that oh no. oh no. the done parts are not nearly as done as i thought they were. ohh no.

but also the ending scene is pure fire. needs only superficial polish. i had forgotten what i had changed on an earlier editing round, and gave myself chills, so, that's promising!

[intotheelliwoods]

(Apologies in advance for this lmao) So. It's been a bit since the first keychains went out, and I was planning to hop on the bandwagon of people who posted pictures of Poptart dangling out windows and tucked into beds, but life happened and I missed that train haha

Instead, I'd like to let you know something.

The past month or so, I've taken a good hard look at my health and tried to change it. I'm disabled, mentally and physically, and it takes a lot of work just to accept that, much less to improve my quality of life by dealing with it.

And I didn't expect it when I first started reading your comic, because it was just hugs and fun and pretty colors, but I think...I think 2al has made it easier to come to terms with my body, my limits, and the ever-expanding list of opportunities that I'm realizing I can still take advantage of as a physically disabled person.

Sprout got to be uncomfortable with his missing arm, use a prosthetic as an emotional crutch of sorts, and learn how to deal with it with help from Big Leo. Big Leo and Sprout got to experience and show the fact that an aid is an aid and not a permanent requirement. Poptart gets to explore life without a prosthetic by choice, and the challenges, and rewards, that come with that.

But most importantly, they all exist. You didn't shy away from the fact that they ARE disabled characters now, with trauma and healing and options for aid and different reactions and ways of dealing with it. The positives, the negatives, the little things that no one really thinks about (Sprout's cold robot arm and how it's not as comfortable to hug), you took it all into account as an integral part of their character and story.

And I didn't know I needed to see that, but here we are.

So I wanted you to know that, even though I don't have cool or funny pictures to share of it, my Poptart keychain goes with me to physical therapy, regular therapy, and everywhere I go with my cane. On bike rides and to check the mail. To doctor's appointments and visits to the store.

He lives with me while I learn to live with myself - a reminder that I'm not the only one going through this, that I can be disabled and still happy and silly and loved.

And that's amazing. So thank you so, so much <3

[theambivalentagender]

Hello all! So if you follow me, you likely also follow my comic Valley Echoes as well as any of my other art drabbles. You may also know that I've been financially limping along for some time.

For context, my day job is dog grooming. It's a "career" I came into relatively recently and honestly love. However, my location has recently been incredibly dead. I haven't been able to make commission from lack of dogs and my hours have been cut drastically.

I'm currently looking into finding extra work where I can that will still fit with my technically full time schedule. This has been a big part of why the comic updates have slowed considerably in the last few months.

In the meantime, however, I did want to show that I am available for commissions at this time. This is the first time I'd be getting into commissions, so if folks do request I just ask for patience as I figure it all out, but I'd love to be able to draw your requests. I have a vgen account that's still being set up at the moment.

I also want to plug my Patreon again - honestly, the fact you all give this much for what I do now is incredible to me. I recently met the fun "milestone" of Patreon temporarily locking access to my withdrawals because I had made enough money this year to require filling out a tax form before my funds could be released, which I did. Maybe it's silly but it made me a little happy. I also have a Kofi though that's updated less.

This next part ended up being much longer and more personal than I expected so I'll put it under a cut.

Anything at this time would help immensely. Cost of living is insane, I just turned 30 and keep wondering how much longer I'll be able to keep renting, let alone ever saving to afford a home. I'm very, very lucky in that I have support from my dad, who has honestly been one of my strongest lifelines for years. But I obviously don't want to have to keep taking so much of that support from someone who should be enjoying retirement.

There are a lot of expenses I keep having, and things I'm putting off. The ipad I use for art has been cracked for months, but is still functional thank god. I recently finally bought myself clothes that aren't falling off my body after losing over 100 lbs in the last year. I have to buy and maintain my own tools for my grooming job, and I have to maintain my own health, both mentally and physically. My left hand/arm probably has nerve impingements and muscle strains science hasn't even named yet lmao. And of course there's taking care of my two terrible feline children who cause nothing but chaos in my home and who I love dearly.

Even if you don't give monetary support though, I so, so greatly appreciate every one of you who shares, likes, or comments on my work. I just recently got an anon who I mean to reply to soon gushing about they love Valley Echoes. Nothing makes my day more than waking up to see a million notifications that's just one person liking each of my comics as they read through it the first time.

Ever since I was 6 years old I wanted to be a storyteller in some way. I used to draw my own Dilbert and Far Side comics, and I constantly wrote wild fantasy stories. But after going through college, dealing with a huge amount of stress, burnout, and just one random person online telling me that I needed to hear the harsh "truth" that my writing skills were garbage, that spark was just gone. Excluding occasional stuttering starts, I didn't really write for years.

Doing this "silly" comic and getting the feedback I have is starting to rekindle that spark. I have so many stories of my own that I'm starting to make tentative plans on producing in some way. But even if I never become some official published recognized author, I feel like just putting out this comic is fulfilling that dream I had as a kid. So thank you again, as cheesy and long winded as this post has become.

[xanderisbraindead]

Im gonna try to switch to a flip phone

Ive wanted to do this, or at least unplug a little from my smart phone for a while, but I always cave and reinstall my apps and start using my phone again. My screen time was 10 hours a day average last week and that is absolutely embarrassing to me. To keep myself accountable, I'm gonna list my reasons why I wanna do this.

Mental health: High smartphone usage is being linked to higher rates of mental health especially among teens. Social media and the constant bombardment of information is very stimulating on the mind and thats turning out to not be very good for you.

Attention Span: My attention span is kinda dogshit... I catch myself opening my phone to scroll social media while my sims game is loading WHILE I'm watching youtube...

Dumb shit: I see a lot of dumb shit (mainly on twt and insta) and it makes me so angry but then I catch myself wanting more and more of that. I know I have anger issues and for myself, I shouldn't be purposefully doing that. Internet discourse takes up too much of my brain space to where I'll talk about it in real life...

General dependence: It's just a piece of metal, why does it feel like a limb I need to have on me at all times? I don't need to fall asleep and wake up with this thing in my hands.

Oversharing: I overshare a lot to the point I get embarassed about it. It's a little harder to do this when you're using your computer because you have to be intentional about your internet use. You have to sit down and some features are limited on web (ie insta stories) so you can't just say anything.

I want to appreciate other things: As I said, I spend an average of 10 hours a day on my phone and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't feel like im doing enough in my days because most of it is going into staring into a screen. I want to read more and remember to flip my compost and do more things in a day than sit hunched into a screen.

Physical health: I have bad eyesight and a bad back. Staring into a screen is not helping either of those.

Compulsive shopping: I have got some cool stuff, but again, I want to be more intentional in my actions, including shopping. I've found myself spending money a little too loosely lately, and I'd like to think my purchases through more.

There's probably more, but thats all I can think of right now. I'm gonna make a big shift tonight and sleep without my phone in my bed. That sounds silly to make a big deal of, but ive done it for maybe 4 years now, even when I was on vacation last month.

So yeah, thats my new adventure: Beating the addiction to my phone.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

I've been compleatly OBSSESED with neon void so far!!! It's by far my favorite fic of any I've read!! After every chapter I have to take a second to do the happy stimmies because you write all of the scenes so well. Whenever I see a new update I clear the next hour for reading it and the subsequent geek out sesion for how AMAZING it always is. You write extremely well, you convey the characters so acurately, the fight scenes are creative, the way you write Leo's perspective is AMAZING, love the font changes, the angst PALPABLE, and just over all I love everything you're able to do with this concept. The way you can see Leo's mental state deteriorating through out the fic is just *chefs kiss*. There's so much I love about the fic that I can't possibly list everything.

Also the established difference between teleporting and portaling is so great, it adds to the pure panic that void causes for the boys aside from, y'know, crazy dude capable of beating Big Mama within an inch of her life and STRAIGHT UP OFFING a buch of other yokai. It does wonders for establishing him as a threat even though he technically isn't for the turtles. Plus I'm sure that once they find out who Void really is, it will add a bunch of tension since they'll need to stop Leo from literally SCATTERING HIS ATOMS ACROSS SPACE.

AND THE CHAPTER PREVIEW ISTG I've never gotten so much serotonin from being in this much pain ;0; The gif is perfect to set the mood, I can't wait to see what happens. You're ablility to choose just the right thing to stab so many people directly through the heart is nothing short of super-natural. BUT PLEASE give the boi some happiness, if not for his sake, for mine-

ANYWAYS this is all a VERY long way of saying, I absolutely love this and I had to draw the silly boi being the silly boi. I needed to draw him happy for the health of my heart ;-; (don't worry though, I'm working on some tasty angst right now)

Can't wait to see where everything goes, GOOD LUCK TO CASEY but there only six chapters left so we're getting to the end game now >:D

Please have a wonderful rest of your week :D

THANK U SO MUCH ;w; I’m so so happy that my fight scenes are followable/enjoyable, and tho they are a binch to code I’m so happy you enjoy the funky fonts and formatting ;w; i know reading blocks of text can be intimidating/tiring for readers, so i try to break it up to help with the pacing and sprinkle in some fun, spooky fonts as treats 🩵

Something i really, REALLY loved about Rise was the fights. Not only was the animation amazing, but it was always so creative. I try my best to make the fight scenes as silly as the boys can be, while utilizing their adaptive skills to use their surroundings to their advantage.

And bruh trying to balance Leo’s insanity in a believable way has been such a (fun) challenge so it makes me so happy to hear you like it 😭🥺 and I’m so glad people seem to like the ‘teleportation’ gimmick I’ve got going on (and that it hopefully makes sense omg)

(And i will admit I’m a little proud of my chapter previews because they are so fun to write, and i like to reassure readers that 1) i have a plan and 2) I’m keeping myself accountable to finish LOL)

Also aksdlaskdhaksdh thank u for this art this part especially is SENDING ME WHEEZE 🤣🩵❗️

[vincent-marie]

I'm probably not the first to point this out, but in my current rewatch of GRAVITY FALLS, I think it's astonishing how the writers for this "silly little kids' show" successfully captured how trauma can take its toll on one's mental AND physical health.

Look no further than our man Fiddleford McGucket and his memory-erasing device. All because of one lab experiment that went wrong and kept giving him nightmares. He felt that the only way to cope was to get rid of the experience from his mind entirely, but it took most of his other memories and his ability to function along with it.

Given my own experiences with trauma, that hits a lot differently with me now. I had a pretty rough adolescence as a then-undiagnosed autistic kid being forced to travel around the world, and I was bullied at just about every school I went to because I was "too sensitive." Now so much of my memory from those times are are so vague on most of the details, because my day-to-day life at school was so nonstop stressful in a way that other students didn't experience, and that teachers didn't know how to "deal" with me. I don't want to relive that, yet I still get nightmares about not only being back in school, but being directly bullied by the teachers who downplayed the hurt that I went through.

Speaking of downplaying really serious issues, I do find it disturbing that as a society, no matter what we've been through, we're all just expected to "power through it" as if going through any kind of traumatic experience is on par with spilling some grape juice on your suit. But we can't function that way. We need time off. We need treatment and recovery. I'd say that we're people and not machines, but even machines need to be turned off for a bit so they can be repaired.

I guess what I'm getting at is, I see you, Fiddleford.

And those of you reading this who are doing what you can to take care of yourself and heal from your own trauma in spite of everything?

I see you, too.

[mayhems-cannon]

hey, i know it might not help your fears, and the other asks said some of this, but i just wanted to hop on and ask: does portraying gabriel in the way you do help you? like, does it make you feel happy or comforted in even a little way? because that's what's important. people are always going to pick up different things from media. no matter how "canon accurate" someone tries to be there will always be a twist in it somehow, everyone's perceptions and fulfillment they get from media is different.

yapping ahead so tune out now if you want but:

I don't think it's possible to "portray him wrong" unless you're super strict about canon. even you said it yourself: we don't really know anything overly personal about him.

there's already a piece of media portraying him in the way they want, and it's the game! the fun thing about fanon is it explores different aspects and view and it's new! if people dont like some of the fandom portrayals, they have the option to walk away and just play the game.

i think we all see ourselves in characters we really like. and there is so little representation of people with mental health issues that struggle in the less accepted "cutesy" way in media that sometimes you need to make it yourself. It's treated like this thing to be ashamed of, and that honestly gave me a sour taste when i was reading the original post talking about making him an "overly sensitive crybaby".

characters and people are multifaceted, and they can have a sensitive struggling side and also an angry, protective, fierceness. those things can both exist in the same space, life is not black or white. there shouldnt be shame in trying to show a character in a way that comforts you, makes you feel seen, and not so alone.

people love your art. and it has made ME feel much less alone, undesirable and ashamed in my life of mental health struggles as a trans man, and of my recent bipolar diagnosis.

well, it does help calm my fears a bit, thank you a lot for writing this. i know it's rather silly and extremely childish to fawn and melt myself mentally over how i draw or portray a character, how obsessive and immature it is, but at the same time it's like i owe him so much, it's really odd to try to explain. i am a bit more clearminded now, but i'm still glad you sent this. thank you again so much.

characters and people are multifaceted, of course, but again that raises my fear of flattening him to simply "mentally ill and depressed to the point he cannot function properly alone anymore". admittedly that isn't really... flat saying it like that, but what i mean is simply to say i'd just reduce him to be a piece for suffering, which so far i don't seem to have done seeing people's positive reactions to what i draw of him (something that i'm still not fully used to).

what the original poster might've meant is the way he is written possibly being overly dramatic due to circumstances surrounding the work, stuff like being the usual teenager unable to fully understand emotions and reactions and thus going with extremes as a way to get their message through (i know that because i tried doing it as a 13 year old). but that's only one example, among a sea of possibilities, and even then it doesn't remove that stigma you mentionned, that gave you a sour taste. not everyone is depressed to the point of barely being able to function but at the same time why judge people who do write him with any sort of mental illness? be it as a form or projection or not, be it done "well" or "nor", it's not worth judging it in the end, right? (what does being an "overly sensitive crybaby" mean anyway?)

I write Gabriel like that not only because i want to see myself in him but also partly because, in a way, i do want to "make him my own" while also listening a minimum to the people who enjoy it. i don't know if i'm writing or drawing anything that's all that accurate in the end, but the least i can do as a trans guy who's just projecting is to take note of my surroundings and reactions and while i put them onto Gabriel see if i understand things right, coming from anyone around be it friends, mutuals or anyone. in a way it's serving as a "save state" of the stats and mental state i'm currently in, if that makes sense and isn't too much idiot rpg talk .

i'm gonna try to keep drawing Gabriel the ways that help me before anything though, it's just rather anxiety inducing to see someone you respect agree against something you fear you might be doing do all the time.

again, thank you for telling me this. it's hard to keep on going when you forget what makes you happy but this genuinely helped me quite a bit.

[cloud-somersault]

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re alright. 💕 I’ve been reading your status updates on Constellations and the Epilogue, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re amazing. Your writing is incredible and I love it. Your stories are so well thought out and the characters are ✨on point✨, and the plot is complex and detailed and aaahhh! It has me hooked! 🤩

And I understand how it hurts when you put so much effort and love into a story, only to post it and not see others be anywhere near as excited or invested as you are. I know how discouraging it can be. And it may be a little silly, but I do want to apologize for not commenting lately—life took some difficult turns for me healthwise around the end of last year and I haven’t been able to catch up! I’m still on Chapter 4 of Constellations! 😭 BUT Chapter 5 is open on my phone, and I am READY to read it as soon as I have the time (and mental energy, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue 😩). Don’t worry that your writing isn’t enough, or be discouraged if some readers don’t catch hints while others are figuring it all out seemingly too easily. Everybody reads and comprehends stuff differently, and it’s not a sign that your writing is bad if they don’t catch it! Honestly, I’m pretty bad at catching hints the first time I read a story unless they’re pretty darn obvious. I don’t usually notice subtle hints until the second, or third, or even seventh read-through, haha! (on the bright side, rereading stories and rewatching TV shows is always fun!) 😅

I guess what I really wanted to say is… don’t give up hope. Don’t lose your love and enthusiasm for your works, or feel like they aren’t worth writing because others don’t seem interested in them. At the heart of it all… at the end of the day… write because you love to. Because it makes you happy. And know that it doesn’t have to be “perfect”—the main goal should be that you enjoy it. That’s something I’m trying to teach myself, too. 💕

Thank you for taking the time to write this message and send it. I appreciate you're very kind words 💕I'm doing okay, I just had to take a step back for a bit from socials and stuff. I'm gonna keep that up for a while.

Please don't apologize for not commenting or taking your time reading. Your health always comes first, and I'm sorry if I came off as childish or needy, that wasn't my intention. Two things just happened that set me off and the timing of it was incredibly poor 😓

Please take your time reading; none of it is going anywhere, and don't feel obligated to leave comments either. i'm realizing that, even if chapters are short or long, finding the time to finish things is difficult, and everyone lives different lives. And I'm sorry about all the spoilers on this blog, I'll tag that better from now on.

But I really do think I got confused or disjointed in my perceptions; everyone here knows so much because i've been asked questions and given answers and people have interacted, so people following me here have more context than the average ao3 user. But I've kinda been expecting everyone to be on the same page, which will never be true.

I'm also the same way where it takes me a while to pick up on hints. I actually changed my writing style to prevent this. I got tired of reading books in college where you had to dive into every little thing. the hints and clues weren't obvious to me. I decided then that, when I wrote, I wanted things to be bold, obvious, but beautiful. I didn't want to make readers feel like they're missing something. I wanted them to trust that every answer, every clue would be answered in time. I made that promise to myself a decade ago, and being reminded of how different people interpret things just...made me remember.

I take writing really seriously, probably too seriously, but I've been doing it for so long and I love doing it. I want to be good at it. When it feels like I've gone back on that promise to myself, I get frustrated. I think of ways I could've fixed things. But I also remember that those books and those writing styles just weren't for me. I wasn't the target audience.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to explain why I got upset. I still love Constellations and I'm posting it on ao3 out of convenience, really. It's easier to reference and search there in one "Entire Work" than to have 5 documents open. The fact that others can see and read and have fun is a bonus. But I'm committed to telling this story, and I'm gonna finish with a bang.

Thank you, I won't forget why I'm doing this and that my thoughts/feelings come first! 😤I hope your health concerns are taken care of soon. Take it easy, and thanks again! 💕

[just-a-carrot]

Obligatory every now and then "thank you for making the games that you do" ask 😌 it is so rare to see queer and mental health representation as honest and in-depth as your games. A big reason I spend a lot of my time making whacky little OW drawings is because it always just brightens my mood, being able to draw little guys who are like me in a way a lot of ways I just don't see expressed often. As someone who is Rather Disabled and Rather Queer, it's nice to just... have games where being those things is okay. Seeing nonbinary representation as honest and open as Gidget honestly made me tear up when I saw it. As someone who has Been Through That Stuff (in places that were-- and probably still are-- life-threatening to be seen as queer), I felt so seen by them and what they've been through. (I also forgot to mention but I did get the Gidget haircut eventually 😌 gender/10) ANYWAYS. Sorry if this ask got too Personal or anything I am a horrible judge of stuff like that 😅 but I did want to say thanks. (Also while I'm at it, thanks for answering the many asks I send about incredibly random topics related to the blorbos. I get very anxious about sending them so I don't half the time [nothing to do with anyone, I am just Anxiety: The Rabbit], but for the times I do, thank you for entertaining the asks even if they are utterly ridiculous most of the time haha. (And thanks for the help/feedback on dev-related stuff too, it's appreciated 😌 the comment left on TRJ still brightens my day whenever I think about it because I thought while making it that no one would enjoy it... but receiving that shortly after publishing it assuaged my fears by quite a bit so I'd just like to say thanks for that too. (...Whoops I think I have made a message Utterly Too Long but I hope it gets the points across??? Maybe??? Hopefully???)

weep this is incredibly sweet???? 😭💕

it literally brings me the utmost joy when people can see parts of themselves in my chars or relate to my char at all or feel seen, etc. also because a big part of this game is based on my own experiences and struggles so it helps ME feel seen when OTHERS also feel seen because then we can all relate together and maybe feel a little less alone in the experiences we've gone through in life

LKDJALFKDSFADF PLEASE DON'T EVER BE ANXIOUS ABOUT SENDING IN ASKS I LITERALLY LOVE RESPONDING TO THEM????? (tho i get it it would probably make me anxious too now matter how many times someone said that LOL) but fr i love going through my ask box and answering silly little questions. especially lately my anxiety's been cranked up to 11 so getting to distract myself with silliness is oftentimes a lovely godsend 💕

AND OFC 🥺 i always want to help in any way i can and also just spread love as much as i can. being a dev in general can feel so isolating, especially when we're neck-deep in deeply personal projects that take a lot out of us to work on (no matter how much we love them lakdfad). it helps knowing we've got others out there that can support us and have our backs and a little community of small devs that can relate to each others' issues and boost each other up

LDKJFALDFKA DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT thank you so much for this sweet message!! i got a bit teary-eyed reading it sob 😭💕

[kaija-rayne-author]

Dragon Age Veilguard Review 5.2 in series

34.5 hours in. 32.5 hours playtime.

Obligatory disclaimer you can just drop to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

5.1 section here.

This is a long one.

So. I managed to play for a good portion of the day. I'm exceedingly grateful it held me.

Around about 27 hours? I felt immersed in the story, and this part of THEDAS. It shouldn't take 27 hours of playtime to suck me into a game. That in the writing world is what we call shitty pacing, poor editing,. and just... take it right back to the drawing board.

It could just be me. I'm notoriously hard to suck into stories because I was foolish enough to become an editor. But I've never had that problem with a DA game before.

I managed to finish the team. I like Davrin, Taash, and Emmrick. My favs so far in order are (yes, I'm cringing 🤣) Lucanis, Taash, Emmrick, and Davrin. With a close follow-up by Bellara.

I wonder if it's Lucanis's VA doing it? I am a bit of an accent slut and I have a definite voice kink. TBF they did change him a whole fucking lot from the Wigmaker version. Even if he does look like Dracula.

Getting misgendered in game sucks as much as it does in real life. So content warning on a person misgendering their kid and the person they're with (Rook).

But generally, the trans rep is handled in such a loving, beautiful manner, and I have to give AAA+ on that front. I feel seen in it. Seeing and helping Taash on their journey is healing, and just wonderful to see in a triple A game.

But lets talk about accents yes? WTAF? In every other DA game they stuck with regional accents for the different regions. Anyone from Antiva had anywhere from a light to a heavy Spanish accent. Anyone from Orlais was French. Tevinter in the personage of Dorian and even Neve had/have British accents. It wasn't ever really 100% but they at least tried. And I loved that.

This game doesn't feel like they tried at all.

In like... a lot of ways. How do you go from something so intricately and delicately intertwined as DAI to... this?

It's all just mid. Meh. I'm sorta into the story enough now that it doesn't feel like I'm slogging through blight to play it anymore. But if I couldn't finish the game? I don't think it would bother me for long. And that's something that would usually drive me bonkers.

I miss the collections. Everything from the mounts to the silly bottles of wine to collecting gifts for the right character. I miss that... I dunno... feeling of actual importance the Inquisition had?

Like. All the pieces line up in DAV. People dying. More people gonna die if someone doesn't step up. Intrigue. Betrayal. Nasty demons and darkspawn running around. But it's missing something. I'll figure out what it is eventually, but it's almost 3am so it probably won't be right now.

It's also a completely, horrendously, unbalanced game. On a normal level, (Adventurer in DAV), a regular gamer should be able to get through it without a whole lot of difficulty. A challenge, yes. I actually do like to be challenged a little in games. Maybe a death or two here and there but not in every damned fight. I wish they'd make the option to turn death off available for every level. I get stomped often enough that it's so annoying to sit through the reload. And reloading is where I've had the most problems.

At Keeper level (easy) it’s far too easy for me. At the next level up, (Adventurer) it's really pushing my skills in a very not fun way. There's like, no even scaling.

I miss the crafting! I miss going harvesting for stuff that I could build funny armour with. I had the Iron Bull in Dawnstone (pink) armour because I thought it was fun and his character probably wouldn't have cared. I always head canoned him saying in that don't fuck with me tone, "I like pink."

I miss being able to make special armour for my crew. It just... uuuugh. It's missing so much of the delicately intertwined details that made DAI such a good game. The bottles of wine and Warden notes in DAI gave you hints to Warden lives.

But at least I finally have armour that leaves elves feet bare. I really really wanted that.

Here's why.

I also have to admit that I do like how the wardrobe makes changing the way your gear looks does make it more streamlined, but I really really miss the crafting. I am trying to provide a fair review, after all.

I miss being able to make potions and bombs. And unless I've missed something, you just can't? You can't grow anything either. Growing stuff in Skyhold gardens was one of my favourite things about DAI. I was really looking forward to finding out which plants grew in the north of THEDAS and what stuff we could make with them. It never once occurred to me that they'd get rid of so much of the fun of DAI. It's like they've taken all the really intricate and interesting details that made DAI such an awesome game and... given us this. Milquetoast Veilguard. The mounts were gifts from different areas and peoples, so it tied that into the world.

The plants you grew had to be collected from various areas and used to make bombs and potions. I really miss that. Yes, you collect stuff to give to the Caretaker to upgrade or enchant your stuff, but 1. Why the fuck do I have to break so many barrels to get stuff? Who thought that was a good idea? Sure, a little, but there's barrels fucking everywhere. I'm a completionist player so tend to try to do everything. And 2. Collecting the different armour patterns, and the materials to make stuff like bombs, potions and explosives with was a large part of what I loved about DAI and DAO.

The Lighthouse has grown on me. But isn't it part of the Lore that living beings can't enter the fade? So uhhhhh... do we have a massive plothole there or did I miss something?

Manfred is fucking awesome 😂.

What in the world did they spend all that time doing if it wasn't going to be an intricate, detailed game?

They seem to have spent all that time on fucking with the looks of the characters and the graphics (to the game's detriment), messing around creating new demons because sure... we needed fortnite knockoff demons. Oh, and we mustn't forget the not-fucking-darkspawn. They've already contradicted themselves about them in game. They say at the beginning (I think it's Bellara?) That maybe these are old darkspawn rather than new. Then later in game they say Gilly has been making new darkspawn. Sure, Bellara could've just been wrong, but that wasn’t the feeling I got.

I do like the skill tree. That is much more streamlined.

I like the map. It doesn't feel like Dragon Age but it's a decently functional map. Reminds me more of DA2 than I'd like because that wasn't a good map.

I mostly like it at the Lighthouse. I like being able to see if companions have something to talk about so I don't spend time running around to each of them trying to see if they've got something new. That was an actual weakness in DAI I'm happy to see fixed.

The different ways you could decorate Skyhold were related to which areas and cultures visited a lot of the time. All those details they chose to not use for DAV were what made DAI such an epic game. To be fair, it might be similar for the Lighthouse. I haven't explored decoration options. I'll try to look at it soon.

And yes. Again. The best part of this game is the backgrounds, scenery, and environments. It's honestly the only thing holding this mess together. Rivain is fucking gorgeous. I love Treviso. Arlathan is amazing. Bit meh on Minrathous but despite living in one, I'm not really a big city sort of person. The puzzles aren't very challenging. And I miss the ocularium. That tied ancient elven and even Tevinter history into the world.

It very much feels like they've just decided to not care about the Lore and swept most of it under the carpet. A large reason I play DA games is the mental puzzles all that Lore gives me.

Also, foreshadowing should be subtle. Not the experience of being whacked over the head with a hammer.

And FWIW? Given standard medieval-esque health care? That wound Varric took would've absolutely been fatal. If not right away, then eventually. I'm really hoping they aren't going toward 'noble sacrifice' with him.

I'm not bothered by the different accents amongst the veil jumpers, or even the different races. Yes, it's letting shem hands touch ancient elven secrets, but it's also accurate to a lot of indigenous cultures. As long as you followed their ways, they welcomed new people (until things got really bad due to colonization and cruelty). The commonalities between First nations cultures and the Dalish are hard to miss, so that part works for me. (My ancestors were indigenous.)

I mean. Yeah. I'm Neurodivergent in a bunch of different ways. Change isn't always easy for me. But every single game I play has changes. I play a lot of games. I don't remember ever feeling so utterly betrayed by them as I do about DAV. If I had any expectations for this game, they were pretty low. And yet... even though the bar was on the ground, they've managed to disappoint me.

I'm still gonna keep playing. I don't hate it. But like... I'm not even sure if I can say I like it. Bits and pieces, yes, but as a whole? Nah. I love the Ziplines, those are fun. I like the ease of walking over logs and stuff now. That was a nightmare in DAI.

And I need the distraction right now, as long as I don't lose complete interest, I'll keep at it.

Oh. And the Owlbear in BG3 is absolutely cuter than Assan. Don't get me wrong. Assan IS cute. But... between the two? Owlbear wins.

Oh... and in all that time I played today? I didn't see Solas. Sooooo yeah. They completely sidelined his character. Makes me wonder if they made the decision to change the name from Dreadwolf to Veilguard and just nixed a lot of his content because of piss baby whiners who didn't like Solas. Which, if they did that? Is really shitty. Also, if he got sucked into the prison he'd had the gods in... where exactly are the other Evanuris! Stuck in there with their jailor?

And if the Caretaker is who I think it is? I'm gonna be pissed. (Felassan.) That is such a cop-out way of bringing him back. The Lore supported a bunch of different ways for him to return and if they went with that? UGH. I do like the boat between islands in the crossroads, that's fun.

I'm pretty sure I know who the Gloom Howler is. The bandages and the line 'they were never yours' gives it away if you've read the books. I figure she ran into the Architect. Did y'all notice how much her head looked like his?

I could be completely wrong. But enh. It doesn't really matter. I honestly can't see myself replaying this. If I even manage to finish it.

Section 6.1 here.

[bluestjayy]

Emotional Post/Vent under the Cut (but positive this time, I think!)

I've been suffering with chronic depression since I was about 14. I've cycled through therapy a lot, I've been on antidepressants since I was 18.

You get some good advice and you get some bad advice. And often this is also contextual to yourself. Some things that work really well for me might make other people worse, that kind of thing.

By far one of the best bits of advice I ever got was to find something to keep you alive right now. Doesn't matter how small it is. Doesn't matter if it feels silly or inconsequential, if it works, put it on a list.

A reasons to live list.

Recently as I've been in what I think might be the worst mental health state of my life this far, I started small. Really small. And I mean each reason bought me a few hours.

I can't die yet because I have to take the trash out and my roommate is too scared of the bin store to do it herself. I can't die yet because I have a food item in the fridge that will go off if I don't eat it today. I can't die yet because the youtuber I like just posted a new video so I should watch that first.

After that, you start to buy yourself days. It's I can't die yet because I kinda wanna see the Venom movie this weekend. I can't die yet because there's a new episode of my favourite show this week. I can't die yet because on Fridays we order takeout food and I'm really craving it.

Next comes weeks, and even in some cases, months. I can't die yet cause I bought the perfect Christmas present for my friend and I want to make sure she gets it. I can't die yet because I have a pre-ordered item arriving. I can't die yet because they're gonna make xyz show/movie and I want to watch it.

I can't die yet because I have unfinished stories I want to tell.

And now, I am getting to look further ahead before than I have been able to for a very long time. I'm getting to say things like, I can't die yet because I'm going to own my own place one day. I can't die yet, cause in a year or two I'm going to go to Thailand with my best friend. I can't die yet, because I want to be able to get a pet cat one day, and then I won't be able to die because they'll need me to take care of them.

It feels good, that all my small steps are adding up. It feels really overwhelming that I'm starting to see these little but very real changes in myself, that I can start to see a path to a future where I survive.

And wish I could tell many people, but specifically Jeff, Barcode, and Bible (+ the whole 4 Mins team tbh) how a lot of the time, especially in the early days - they were my reasons.

There were days I woke up and said I can't die today because Barcode has a new song I need to hear. Or I can't die today because Jeff is in concert and I'm not missing those fan cams. Week to week I would tell myself I can't die today because I need to know what the fuck is happening in 4 Minutes.

They've helped me get to the point where they're part of my much bigger goals. I can't die right now because I want to see Jeff perform live in person at least once, I can't die until we get Wuju Bakery AND Happy Ending on our screens. I can't die until Bible comes to Europe somehow.

And in all of this, if you're reading, I need to also say how this community has helped me so much. This little corner of the internet we have gathered together. So much of me waking up each day is tied to not wanting to miss the stories you write and the art you make and the meta you discuss and the GIFs and the fanvids and the brainrot. All of it. Has helped me keep going, so as much as the idol's we look up to, you're all very important to other people.

There's folk out there who think about you on their worst days and feel comfort. Who seek out your creations to soothe themselves. Who find community in your Tumblr blogs and discord servers so.

Thank you, I guess. To all of you, and of course, to the boys.

And for anyone else struggling. Find a reason. Any reason at all. Make a list, and stick with us.

The world is a better place with you in it 💛

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

hiiiii i don't know if you are okay with your followers ranting, if you're not just disregard this and I'm super sorry! (And sorry about any typos I'm on phone and sometimes autocorrect does what it wants)

But basically I was feeling down in the dumps and I wanted to read some content about comfort characters and I stumbled upon a Mihawk fic so I started reading and (trigger warning here!! Mentions of abuse but nothing graphic described!!! take care of yourselves and your peace!!!) it sadly was untagged with tw and for some reason, in what should have been a normal mihawk x reader, there was him being extremely toxic and demeaning towards his significant other either because he had a bad day or he was jealous and stuff like that.

I know it may seem silly to some people, but it really screwed me over. I know everyone can write what they want and headcanon characters how they want but it got me really upset and I figured someone who finds comfort in writing and watching shows and stuff could understand

Thank you for all your content, and especially for not making Mihawk abusive towards the reader. To me, he always seemed just as you portrayed him. Cold, perhaps, but not one to put you through emotional and especially not physical turmoil. Your fics and even little drabbles and comments are super nice and they helped cheer me up so thanks a whole bunch. And especially thank you for tagging tw stuff too and making this a safe space.

This applies to all characters, by the way, not just mihawk. You write all of them wonderfully and I love reading through them, especially Sanji and Shanks. It's just at that particular moment your mihawk content really saved me a good few silly tears. Thanks ❤️

This is very very important and I'm glad you sent me this. I'm NOT glad at all that you had to go through that. So I'm gonna make this a PSA.

It takes very little time and effort to add a trigger warning to a fic and there's no excuse not to. We don't know what everyone's triggers are, no; but if it's something blatantly obvious like toxic and abusive behavior, mental health troubles, graphic violence, etc:

Then, my comrades, PLEASE PUT TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE THE CONTENT.

And Anon, I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. I wholly understand the importance of comfort characters and how stumbling into that kind of fic unknowingly can essentially ruin it.

I'm beyond happy you've found my blog to be a safe space, and I hope that it continues to be one for you and anyone else that needs it.

I also understand that everyone needs to let out a good rant now and then, and this is absolutely a safe place for that too!! I'm happy to hear from anyone at any time about anything, my ask box and inbox are both always open, so please don't hesitate utilize them ❤️🫂

[swearyshera]

Alright, some of this is hitting me in a way that neither of us could have expected. I talked with you earlier about Entrapta's background story hitting me hard with some things I've been through... Okay, now you've got discussion between Catra and Glimmer about Angella's demise, which neither of them actually expected. Little aggravations at a loved one, little memories and deseprately wanting them back. Glimmer chooses to believe that it was a sacrifice on her mother's part in order to hold it together. *Sigh* - this is very personal. I just lost a loved one, a very close family member also best-friend, a person I had a unique geeky bond with and it's the kind of bond I'll never have again. He was the third member of my tiny little found family and we had him up for holidays and that's never happening again. We learned of his death yesterday and I've just been going through Hell. He was young and it was sudden - he had some health issues, but it was still unexpected. It wasn't a heroic sacrifice, but there are things I need to believe about it to hold myself together. I'm flashing back to Entrapta's seeing a tear in space-time to know what's on the other side. I remember what canon did and what you're looking forward to doing to a cruel fundamentalist version of a god while I'm flashing back to some of my old religious trauma hard right now - as in, I'm really, really hoping the fundies / evangelical circles I used to be a part of aren't right and have been outright Hordak-style *threatening* God to do the right thing by my loved one, possibly sealing my fate if there is a Hell and being glad of it. This portion of the script is coming at the "right?" time for me? Wrong time? I am hoping I can find some catharsis in it? Anyway, I do apologize for any reblogs I do in the near future in which I blubber all over your posts. I'm holding steady, but it's probably going to happen sooner or later. _freedfromthegalactichivemind

@freedfromthegalactichivemind Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would always say that looking after yourself is the most important thing, and if any of my posts do bring up stuff that makes it more difficult for you, please do take a break. I'm the worst person for "deal with stuff by totally immersing yourself in it", and that doesn't always work, so do take it slow and be kind to you. This goes for everyone, too.

There's a few things that I have taken to quite a raw level in these last two seasons and I've come out of the comfort of non-stop silliness in order to have a more meaningful impact on people. But I don't do it to hurt, these stories will ultimately become ones of comfort and power. I've expanded on Prime's zealotry to be a more bare-faced depiction of the anti-LGBT rhetoric that we're seeing worringly often in real life and how weathering it seems insurmountable - but he will be defeated by people who stand fast and remain true to who they are, people who will never ever let those like him win. I've also leaned in pretty hard to Catra's fragile mental health, not because having her talking about how she wants to kill herself is shocking and spices up the story, but because I want to have her reach that lowest point multiple times and still fight for a life that she wants to live. I've been there, as I'm sure many people reading this have - it's messy, but it is not the end.

So yeah, I make the choice to invoke difficult things that might hit some of you quite hard, but I do it with the love and intention to show that perseverance through adversity is one of the hardest, most rewarding things any of us can do. (Also, I know some of this can get quite personal, you're welcome to blubber at me through DMs if you prefer).

We're gonna win in the end.

[rinhaler]

No way omg I read some of your works and I was like this author is sooo good the writing looks a biiit familiar tho

Just found out you’re fuwushiguro lmao!! You used to be (and still are) one of my fav fanfic writers.

Why’d you move blogs btw?

AAAAAA that's so funny what gave it away?? 😩 welcome back though I'm happy to have u :3

also okay I never used to talk about my follow count or anything on my old blog but it was just a bit much mentally for me. I used to beat myself up over not performing well despite my follow count. I actually had over 10k followers on fuwushiguro but like I said, I used to keep that to myself. I just didn't want to be perceived in a certain way because of the amount of followers I have, but it doesn't matter now since I don't live there anymore.

Coming here was just a fresh start for me. I couldn't wrap my head around why so many people were following but I felt so... alone? Like I didn't feel supported at all over there. I worked so hard on my writing and I just hated how poorly everything I posted performed. And I know you're not meant to care about notes or whatever but I did, massively, and my mental health suffered terribly for it because I just blamed myself and my writing for not performing well. It might sound silly, but I can't really put into words how sad it feels to have so many people following you and then ultimately feeling so alone and uncared for.

I know a lot of people deal with this though and it wasn't just me. Everyone here works hard and it is just super upsetting when you work hard and then feel like no one actually cares. I really fell out of love with writing so I just thought, fuck it, I'm going to make a new blog and just keep to myself.

I've recently gone through a friendship breakup which massively knocked my confidence in writing too because the ex-friend, albeit unintentionally, made a choice that just left me hating myself and my writing even more. I've been suffering mentally through that and feeling alone because she was everything to me and my entire days revolved around her pretty much so losing that constant in my life was actually agonising, and unfortunately I do still miss her a lot!

But I've been filling my time with writing again and to be honest it's been lovely. I hate how she handled things and I don't think I will ever get over that. It's been nice to know I don't need to suffer forever though and do have that escape with writing when I need it!

Becoming a smaller blog again has absolutely taken the pressure off everything I write and post, too. It's just really freeing to not have any expectations placed on me (whether that's by myself or other people).

I've made some lovely new friends and am making new memories with people over here and I have a nice little community and safe space here for myself and my followers and I just know it was the best decision I could have made even if it didn't start off in the best way.

SORRY FOR RAMBLING THIS GOT SO DEEP ADSGFHDGJF

Thank you for finding me again though it's really nice to have a mix of old and new followers so I can carry on making this nice little space here :3 thank you for supporting me and my writing, pls take care of yourself my love!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Thank you for explaining. It's a shame you had to go through all that. Your writing for Twilight is one of the best I've found, I love it. I hope you strongly consider coming back, I miss it so much. But it's understandable if you don't, and I know it's easy to say this from my side, but please don't let miserable people continue to meddle and control your life, thougths and art. I found your blog when I was in the worst state of my mental health and it helped me so much, so thank you 💕

The truth is that miserable, desperate people will always be willing to start wars and point fingers at others to prevent them from looking in the mirror and facing their rotten selves. That's why they get so angry at others, to try to fill their inferiority problems. Accusing others of what they themselves are.

And I'm sure if you start writing for Twilight again, you'll have many behind you, screaming with joy. Every now and then I reread the Dimitri, Caius and Romanians fics. It's a safe place for me. Know this. 🙏💘

Its sad to say I'm not the only one. This happens to lots of people every day. I worry that about the impact it could have.

I made this blog for fun, for the stories that would pop up in my head with nowhere to go. It's supposed to take us out of reality even if just for a moment. It stops being fun when it gets twisted by reality and put under a microscope to figure out what could and couldn't be in between the lines of the tiniest of details.

Whilst I'm fine with the drama and don't wish anyone ill will or anything. Its taught me a lot about boundaries that I need to have. I can't let people over the Internet make me doubt myself and my intentions. I hate that I've been accused of such horrendous things with pitiful evidence because I can now say three years later in other fandoms and in IRL. Those accusations never left the fandom. Only in the twilight fandom have I ever been accused of anything and surely that has to mean something.

I've always said it and will continue to say it. Anyone reading this, I am just a person on the Internet. Don't let anything I say impact you. Leave me here on this blog in the Internet. Don't carry my words with you unless they have a positive impact on you.

Remember, I'm here for a fun time. Not to hurt anyone. Not to antagonise or anything like that. Here for a giggle.

I didn't delete all my fics in the end because I had people telling me the very same thing. That they loved going back and some of their favourite fics were in there. As much as I was pissed off and absolutely done, in the end, I couldn't do it to those who I'm so lucky to have appreciate my work and even to this day go back for them. It warms my heart.

It feels good to be able to talk about what happened because it wasn't the goodbye I had ever wanted. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to go for my own sake. To be able to talk about it and not panic, or feel upset about it is freeing.

So thank you for asking, and I'm glad I made a difference for someone by taking the edge off as they got through difficult times. I feel even more lucky enough to have people stick around even after. Finding such support is rarely guaranteed, and wow am I lucky to have gotten so much of it.

I'm glad my work could help you through healing and it's a blessing to think my silly little ideas in my head are kept so fondly to others. Its people like you who make this all worthwhile. ❤️

[kittenwalker]

This may sound silly but could you write something along the lines of Evan dating a plus size instagram model? Where she usually is very confident and never lets the hate and negative comments get to her but one day she caves and reads through them and starts feeling insecure, as if she doesn’t deserve Evan because she’s not thin and in shape, kind of getting distant and finally Evan is like what is up and basically makes her talk to him and she tells him and he gets so upset (not at her but at the situation) and he is like it doesn’t matter to me and tells her how effin beautiful she is and how he loves her curves and the extra cushion on her etc. not really angst but he’s very much “you’re going to listen to me” and “you don’t get to tell me what I should and shouldn’t like and if I should or shouldn’t get to be with you, that’s my choice” if any of this makes sense??? Lol I just feel it’s very much something Evan would do in this situation but I can’t put it in words very well 😩 thank you lovely xx 💕

notes : god I'm so slow with the requests recently and I'm so sorry, am not in the best mental state rn so yea sorry again! Thanks for all the support and great ideas yall have given, rmb you are all greatly appreciated in life! <3

Okay just a little peak won’t hurt right? Wrong, it hurts Y/n a lot. Who knew she would go down this road again as she told herself she would never give in to reading them.

-

Back in highschool, Y/n was shamed for being big in size because everyone surrounding her was fit and curvy. She got bullied by those boys in her class every time she walked past them. All those negative remarks really affected her, she would always come home and just cry in the shower. Faking a smile everywhere she went, to say the least, those few years weren’t really nice to her. Until she found her worth and it changed her.

Y/n realised her worth and wouldn’t let anymore nasty comments get to her. She also decided to start eating healthier and exercise more regularly as she realised maybe her old diet wasn’t really the best. Y/n did this for her own health benefits and not to show people that she became ‘ skinnier ‘ as she had no interest in that. She was confident in the body she was living in and her confidence really earned her a lot. A wonderful career and a caring boyfriend.

Starting her modelling career really made her happy, she felt loved by the people around her and she even found a special person along the way. Evan really made her feel good about herself, he accepted Y/n for being herself. Whenever she was in doubt of herself Evan would prove her wrong. Even when she thought everything was perfect and was finally being accepted, so then Y/n read her comments on her first instagram modelling advertisement. Wrong move because it made her go back into that dark place, but thank god for Evan. He comforted her and told her she wasn’t impressing anyone and that it was her body. He made her feel safe again and Y/n swore to Evan she would never read those nasty comments again.

-

Well we’re back to square one aren’t we? 

Y/n couldn’t help herself, she started to feel insecure again and instead of discussing it with Evan, she went back to her comment sections. 

She caved, so when Evan wasn’t at home she locked the bathroom door and scrolled through the ugly things the internet said about her. Starting with her instagram account, going to her recent post she clicked the comment sections and her eyes were now exposed again.

‘ How did she even get this job? She’s literally so ugly ‘

‘ I think I can be the the face for Victoria Secret if she can get a modelling career ‘

‘ Does anyone actually take her seriously? ‘

‘ Bella hadid wannabe ‘

The comments were somehow worse than what it was before. Don’t these people realise that there is no difference if you are ‘ big ‘, ‘ small ‘ or ‘ perfect ‘ ? We are all bones and skeletons on the inside. Still, they managed to get into Y/n’s head, making her start to believe them. She also couldn’t stop reading them, it was like her drug. So she went to twitter next but she should have known that it was worse over there.

Y/n did the same process, but the comments in this app really made her doubt everything. The rude people were now coming at her for her relationship with Evan.

‘ There is no way she’s dating Evan ‘

‘ Okay I love Evan, but seriously is he blind? So many women in the world and he chose her? ‘

‘ Emma was definitely the prettier one, no doubt should've just stayed with her. ‘

Y/n vision blurred the more she scrolled, the whole bathroom filled with her sorrow. Her face was stained with ugly tears, crying until her eyes were all puffed up. The comments were starting to brainwash her, her thoughts making her insane. ‘ What if they’re right? ‘ ‘ Maybe I’m just a game for Evan to get over Emma, ' Y/n thought to herself. The world treated her differently just because society said her body type was hideous, and that was so unfair. 

The more she thought about those words, the more it affected her. Yea she could just stop thinking about it as everyone says, but it’s much easier said than done. It was like a drug, it was addicting. Once you start you can’t stop, no matter if it benefits you or harms you. So Y/n kept reading them, thinking maybe this was the truth, maybe to make her understand the hard and ugly truth. 

She kept reading the comments that were criticising their relationship, saying how Emma was a way better partner. Until she heard keys rattling and footsteps entering, she realised it was Evan coming back home from his grocery run. 

‘ No shit, Evan can’t know I relapsed. He’s going to be mad if he found out what I was reading about. ‘ Y/n mentally yelled at herself

She quickly got off the floor and rinsed her face so she would look fresher. Evan cannot know about what happened today, so she obviously didn’t speak a single word about the situation or how she was feeling. Instead she let her thoughts eat her up, making her think she didn’t deserve him. So of course it resolved to Y/n ignoring and avoiding Evan, but he started to notice it.

-

Y/n was getting cold and distant with Evan, he could tell as she smiled less around him and Y/n was always the lovey dovey type so when something was off Evan would know. He knows her like she was at the back of his hand, he could read her like an open book. Evan thought maybe she was just tired, but her coldness kept going on for days until he needed to break the silence.

During dinner today, he decided to confront the problem. Evan thought watching a movie while eating take-out would maybe bring them closer together and make Y/n feel more comfortable with confessing about what’s wrong. So that’s what he did, now they’re on the couch eating chinese take-out while watching a Marvel movie. The television screen shined onto them in the dark room, making Evan focus on Y/n’s face. The more he looked at her, the sooner he realised she looked absolutely tired. Tired of what he didn’t quite figure out yet, but she had dark eye bags and she looked like she’s completely fazed out, not even focusing on the movie. This was also her most adored Marvel movie, no matter how many times she watched it, Y/n would squeal over the same moments. Deciding this silence should be broken, Evan switched off the television and stood up to activate the lights.

“ Y/n what is wrong? You can’t hide it anymore, these few days just seem off. You aren’t yourself, but you also wouldn’t want to discuss what has been bothering you.” Evan frustratedly said

Y/n just sat there in guilt, guilty she had been caught and had to go through this all again. She never wanted to burden Evan with her stupid overthinking thoughts. He already had so much on his plate, Y/n didn’t want to add more and make it overflow. But she couldn’t change a determined Evan’s mind when he knew that something was wrong. So she just sat there, staring at the ground as a tear slipped out, resulting in a whole breakdown. Making Evan immediately soften and run to her side to comfort her.

“ Shh you’re alright, tell me what’s disturbing you when you're ready alright? Just breathe in and out to calm down first. “ Evan patted Y/n’s back

As Y/n’s sobs stopped and her breathing started to stabilise, she took one deep breath in and faced Evan. After her episode, she mustered up the courage to confess. The words came dripping out, Evan just listened, not interrupting once. Y/n told him everything, the insecurity to the comments and then to the doubt of their relationship because of how she looked. She could tell he was sad, his eyes were full of sorrow not for her thinking their relationship would fail, more of because of how she thought of herself. Y/n’s self-image made Evan feel like he failed in making her feel beautiful and think positively. 

“ Then I heard you coming back home and quickly washed up to seem fine. I’m sorry I kept this from you for so long, I just… didn’t want you to get mad I relapsed. “ Y/n fiddled with her fingers as she looked down.

Evan hooked his thumb under her chin and brought her face to look at him. He brushed off the remains of her tears, placing a kiss on each of her eyes. Y/n’s eyes were sore, tired from crying so much, Evan gave them each a kiss to warm them and assure them they aren’t going to spill anymore. Now it was time to reassure Y/n, to tell her the real truth. That she’s beautiful no matter what and that she won’t have to feel this way ever again.

“ Y/n, you’re going to listen to me.I know social media can be quite daunting and brainwashing sometimes. But you don’t need to listen to them, you just need to know that you are perfect inside and outside. The people in the screen haven’t even met you and already judged you, so don’t put so much thought into those strangers. Y/n, you are perfect and the sweetest person ever so don’t put a piece of mind to those who judged the books by their covers. They are just insecure themselves, that’s why they have to pull someone else down to feel better about themselves. And about the doubt in our relationship, you don’t have the right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Like getting with you is my choice because I think you’re a wonderful lady, I love you Y/n. Plus I love your curves and cushion, it makes a nice pillow. “ Evan ended it with a joke, making Y/n giggle.

“ But- “

“ Nope no buts, no talking back because everything I said is true and I would never take it back.” 

A smile slowly formed onto her lips, who knew she could get this lucky with a man like Evan. Y/n snuggled her way into the crook of Evan’s neck, where it was safe and warm. He kissed the top of her head and mumbled.

“ Emma is nothing compared to you, you’re greater and everything she wasn’t. Now if you still don’t believe my love for you, let me show it to you. “

Evan grabbed the back of Y/n’s neck and made her look up into his darkened eyes. His gaze fell to her lips, oh was he drooling over the sight of her plumped red lips. Jeez was she not going to be able to walk the next day.