#read my 1000 posts to get the context

[digital999placebo]

comic that I will probably never get around to finish. monologue is from a fic that i dont remember if i posted, read beneath cut hehe

“Eh— Hallo?” Ludwig’s voice sounds raspy through the line, having heard the small click as the phone was picked up. “Are you there?”

Feliciano takes another drag, and Ludwig must hear the way his cigarette crackles as it burns because he speaks again, “Is everything okay?” 

Feliciano watches the phone in silence and can see the letters of the words Ludwig speaks seep out of the receiver. Ludwig shuffles on the other end, marks the silence with an inhale.

“I— I thought I saw you in Berlin last week,” he goes on in Feliciano’s silence and his voice is closer to the phone. Feliciano takes a swig from the flask. “On the U-bahn, there was this man who looked just like you from behind, he had that ribbed tank top you always wear beneath your shirts and so I grabbed his shoulder and— it wasn’t you. His nose was crooked and his eyes were green and when I looked at him from behind again I didn’t understand how I could’ve ever thought that was you. He was much paler… I thought— I think— I don’t know how to say it…” 

Feliciano takes another drag from his cigarette, another swig from the bottle and then resumes biting on his nails. He stares at the phone as if he could somehow see Ludwig through the miles-long telephone wire, undoubtedly sitting in his office behind a pile of papers filled with repeating numbers. Ludwig opens his mouth and it must be dry because Feliciano can hear how his lips part. 

“I think I miss you so much I see you everywhere.” 

Feliciano can’t help the sob that comes out of him, wrenched somewhere from the depth of his chest, and he has to put the bottle down before he drops it. 

Again, Feliciano hears Ludwig’s long inhale on the other end and can imagine him tugging uncomfortably at his tie like he always does when he has to open up, biting at his moustache and carefully raking his fingers through his waxed hair. 

“Do you feel the same way?” 

The question is so quiet that Feliciano barely hears it over the buzz on the phone.

He picks up the phone with his empty hand and presses it to his ear. The plastic is cold against the side of his face and vertigo ebbs just outside him, waiting for a full take over and he parts his lips, releases his tongue and moves it into position for words but comes up empty. He’s so incredibly filled with shame about everything that his throat has physically closed itself in terror of giving away his guilt. He takes hold of this throat and pulls at the skin just above his collarbone until it hurts as though it’ll somehow make the words come to him. The cigarette’s butt burns hot. The wall in front of him grows larger until it fills his entire vision with its white colour and has that spot always been there? The little dark one? It looks like a cigarette burn or— or something. 

“Forget I said anything,” Ludwig quickly says and then the line goes dead in Feliciano’s hand.

Feliciano blinks. The wall has gone back to its normal size. Feliciano puts the phone into place and any shame he has gives away to disappointment.

[governmentmandatedryujinstan420]

releasing this from the hj discord dungeon because the public populace was in agreement also i'm chronically offline on tumblr and need to fix that for my chronically online ahh

[still-searching-for-something]

I don't think goyim properly understand the fear and change that the wave of antisemitism currently taking place in the wake of the October 7th massacre has induced in the Jewish community.

In a wide-lens view, Jews have become a 1000% more wary and introspective. This isn't limited to diaspora Jews--the headlines pouring out of Israel until October 7th have been of division, polarization, and conflict. Conflict over the 2018 Nation-State Law. Over Bibi's premiership. Over the judicial reform laws. Over the Orthodox Rabbinate. Over this. Over that.

But Israeli society is more unified than ever right now. The judicial reform laws were shelved shortly after the war began and the protests ended on October 8th. Some of it is the rally around the flag effect, yes, and will probably fade as time passes--politics never stops--but the era of Israelis being at one another's throats? Of forgetting that we are all one people and we are all under attack? Gone. It died on October 7th.

In the Diaspora, Jews are once again asking themselves the question--will I need to flee? Guys, a fifth of Gen Z--my generation, that I attend university with--believes the Holocaust was a myth. Two thirds of them think Jews are oppressors. That's terrifying. And the reason we don't take comfort in people saying, 'They're kids with no political power.' is that that won't be true forever. Today's slacktivists who casually say that Israel has no right to exist are tomorrows lawmakers. They will grow up and set policy.

We don't know if they'll grow out of it. I pray to HaShem that they will, but how do I know if they will?

And that's tomorrow's world. Today's world is already bad enough. I don't wear my Star of David necklace to the self-defense classes I've started taking because being surrounded by burly dudes learning how to fight people better isn't a great place to potentially learn that I'm surrounded by antisemites.

Jews--in the year 2024--are being doxxed, seen their homes and synagogues vandalized and threatened, walk past Palestine protests screaming for the death of Zionists, and antisemitism has increased in the United States alone by more than 400%. It's worse elsewhere--Turkish shop owners have been barring Jews from their stores and France has seen antisemitic incidents increase by 1000%. Jews have been leaving social media sites like Tumblr, Reddit, Tik Tok, and Twitter in droves, chased away by the constant, unceasing stream of anti-Jewish hate.

Gentiles need to understand that their words and actions have very real consequences. Jews are not dumb. We're not imagining things. We aren't 'getting our just desserts'. Our fears are grounded not only by historical context but by our current, everyday, lived realities. To gentiles, reading 'antisemitism has gone up by x percent' is a factoid. To us, it is a serious threat and a deep concern.

EDIT: I'm tired of pro-Palestine people sharing this post and using it to back their agenda. You are not welcome to use my experiences to suit your agenda. I am a Zionist! This post is Zionist! Stop taking my words from me and using it against my people.

[yakutarts]

Nightmare and Dream but feral, non-skeletal body!

For the love of god PLEASE click on the image for better quality + close ups and clothed version under the cut!!

Would you kiss them?

Video process:

I made these using a specific context

A while ages ago I drew and posted a drawing of Nightmare and Dream on their light ball form but with some alterations/personal headcanons.

On the post, I expressed my desire to draw the twins in a universe were Nim didn’t need to give them bodies, and just let them grow naturally. And specifically give them an animalistic appearance, instead of a humanoid one like most artist do.

You can see on the process video that it took me 1000 sketches to make something that looked good and I was happy with, the video is obviously sped up, the total time it took me to make this was 28 hours and 15 minutes.

Now explaining some things:

Why are they so big?

I read on a post made by Joku that Nim, before giving them skeleton bodies, tried to make them human ones, but the pure amount of magic and power the twins had made the human bodies explode or some shit. So she picked skeletons since the magic could flow freely through the bones without being confined by muscle and flesh. That made me think if their power had physical forms, it would be gigantic. So I gave them gigantic forms to better represent their status of strength and power, beings made from raw magic to serve as guardians of all emotions throughout the multiverse, of course I needed to make them big and intimidating!

Why the horns?

Artistic design choice, I gave them little horns and a chubby tail in their light ball form to purposefully make them more animalistic, wanted to keep it while making these. Also just giving them a smooth head with nothing much going on looked weird and boring.

Why the draconian look?

Dragons had been created and depicted as symbols of pure power above humanity and worshipped as deities throughout several cultures around the world, different depictions of dragons has been one of the only things present among almost all cultures, like a default folklore creature. While I tried to incorporate other mythical creatures in the design, the draconic body plan felt more right due to the influence of dragons on human beliefs, and their representation as magical and powerful beings beyond human comprehension. Plus I just really love drawing dragons.

Why the clothing choice? Also why is Dream half naked while Nightmare has everything covered?

While designing the clothes for Nightmare, I used as reference clothing that usually royalty would wear, Nightmare has a really big ego and sees himself as a king, so he uses fancy, expensive clothing and jewelry, adapted and designed for his anatomy. Not practical for battle, but his corruption can go through the fabric without damaging it, and most people and monsters just run when they see him, so he doesn’t worry about it getting dirty or tearing, Nightmare just expects every soul to instantly submit when they see him, so he never worries about getting into a battle and getting dirty he has that big of an ego.

Dream is the opposite, his style of clothing much more practical for running, jumping, flying, fighting and general exercise. He has 4 bags in total, 2 on each side, inside them he keeps several items, be it healing food, magical artifacts, first aid kit, gifts he receives, stuff he buys or random things he finds and wants to take home with him. Dream’s crown is now a colar couldn’t figure out how to make it work with the head shape and horns, his cape is from his official design, but changed to white, was planning to make it yellow but when I looked at it my eyes hurt because there was too much yellow everywhere. I made Dream’s clothes with the intent to match his official design, I didn’t to the same for nightmare because a turtle neck with a hoodie on a dragon would make him more huggable than intimidating. Plus I like to think that the leg warmers was a gift from Blue, and the ring on his horn a gift from Ink. Didn’t add more stuff on him because I couldn’t think of something that would look good and match Dream’s vibe, the rest of his clothes on his official design didn’t translate well here. Oh, while I was drawing this, I drew the colar and the leg warmers first, without the cape, Dream looked like a twink with a pet play kink.

Side note; neither Nightmare or Dream see the use of clothes as a necessity or as decency. For them clothes are nothing but pure decoration and to show off status for Nightmare, they can wear full body suits, partial clothing, just jewelry, or nothing at all, which is what they usually go for when at home, wearing or not wearing stuff doesn’t make that much of a difference to them at all.

Do they act as animals or do they have human intelligence?

Despite me using the word “feral” all the time to describe them, they do not actually act as animals. I’m only using “feral” to describe their body/anatomy, Nightmare and Dream are fully sentient and have human level intelligence/awareness. They are capable of speech and have opposable thumbs on their front paws, they can grab, write, hold… do anything a human can do with their hands with dexterity. But they do have to use only hand one at a time, and balance themselves with the other. To use both hands, they have to be sitting, or be supported by something, they can balance themselves on their wings if they have to.

And now contradicting what I just said, they have some animalistic behaviors. The twins can growl, purr and roar. Despite Nightmare being able to use his tentacles and Dream being able to shoot magic arrows out of his wings, they to also scratch and bite while fighting. Since they are big and heavy, they can easily crush bone under their weight and their bite force is strong enough to split someone in half. If you need a reference, just use Smaug from The Hobbit, he has more or less the balance of animal behavior and human intelligence I’m looking for.

Expanding more on this, the twins stretch just like felines, and often sleep in positions usually cats sleep in (they don’t actually need to sleep but do anyway). Dream likes to go fishing, and by fishing I mean jumping in a lake and chasing the fish underwater. He finds it more fun than sitting around and waiting for the fish to come to you instead.

I guess you count their lack of necessity to wear clothes as animal logic too?

_________________

If you have any more questions about them, I will be happy to answer!

And yes, I do plan on making more drawings of Nightmare and Dream on this form!

Dreamtale belongs to @jokublog

Feral concept/design by @yakutarts (me)

[goldenshrikecomic]

FAQ

Please read these before sending asks! It's also good to check the tags listed on the pinned post to see if it's already answered. Where can I read GS? On Comicfury or DeviantArt. Two pages ahead on both Patreon and Ko-fi.

Who works on this comic? Only me, ratt/doeprince. You can call me either, I usually refer to myself as doeprince when it's more official, otherwise ratt or some secret third thing. I'm an amateur artist and I draw these comics for fun without much ambition to gain greatness. I want to make enough money to be able to keep working on more comics, and buy trinkets.

How can I support what you do? Why thank you for asking! All my income comes from making comics, so the support on either Patreon or Ko-fi is literally making my comic endeavours possible.

Do you have other projects? I work on some secondary comics. Jet and Harley and Honey are currently updating, Corpse is finished. You can find my other art on doe-prince.

How long will Golden Shrike be? I don't know how many pages. I hope it's less than 1000.

What programs do you use? SAI for lineart, CSP for coloring and bubbles, PS for text and backgrounds. Hoooow do you draw the antlers from different perspectives? I've made 3D models for each recurring antlered character.

Is GS going to have physical merch? Will it be printed? Consider this a no, but I won't say never.

Does GS have a map, official wiki or dub or something like that? No. There's a fan wiki out there full of inaccurate information so take everything in there with tons of grains of salt. There's no map. The dub on YT is separate from me, I've had no hand in it.

Can I make a fan character? Can they interact with yours? You can absolutely make a fan character! I just ask you not to make them interact with mine, at least not in any kind of heavy way. It's a slippery slope and I've seen people treat my characters very rudely to make them suit their needs.

Can I make fanart/writing? Yes! All sfw and well-meaning works are welcome. Just tag me so I can see them! Why are the borders black and sometimes white? White borders means it's a flashback.

Deer don't do that!!!!! Or birds!! Or plants! The moon shouldn't be that shape right now. Everything in GS is fictional for this very reason. I shall not be shackled by the chains of realism when there's entire new worlds in my fingertips. I aim to make things believeable in its context, not realistic. Are other animals sentient, can they talk? Sure they are and can, but not outside their own species. A frog can't hold a conversation with a deer, but a deer and antelope could possibly make it work. There's exceptions though.

How old are main characters? They're fawns right? No they are not, they'd all be in their early 20s if they were humans.

What does sire mean? It keeps popping up in different contexts. You can liken this term to 'father', as in your dad but also something like a priest. The priest isn't your dad but "father forgive me for I've sinned". So sire is a) respected stag, b) very formal way to address your father. Dame is the female counterpart. Why are the does so small compared to stags.... are you a freak... do you just hate women..... Listen when I started GS I had been dwelling in a place where monster deer characters had insane size differences and it became some kind of norm to me and of course it found its way into my comic. Now I just have to keep drawing those tiny women to keep up the consistency. I've created bigger ladies nowadays because I too think it's a little silly now.

Please please will this character ever get a mate? Will this pairing be canon? Will you please make this pairing canon? I won't spoil any pairings, I think it'd be the most boring thing to do to my own work! I'll only confirm the ones already established in the comic.

Is this a speck of ember? Is it snow? What is that floating thing, is it relevant to the plot? IT'S JUST MY DUST BRUSH LEAVE ME ALONE.

[psychhound]

ttrpgs in the classroom (part 8)

oh boy have i not made one of these posts in ,,, like a year. grad school is crazy yall. lmao. but. i wanted to share what we do for our analysis unit now that we've hit it this semester!!

other games used in the unit:

we are but worms & graves for funerals

the assignment:

write an essay of approximately 1000 words doing a literary analysis of some aspect of a game, first forming an inquiry question, then looking in the text for evidence, then coming up with an argument about a deeper meaning of the text. the second draft of the assignment can either be an expanded essay, or a multimodal piece of the student's choosing. (the other option for this essay is to do a rhetorical analysis of an argumentative text about gaming)

the games:

[ID: a powerpoint slide titled choose your fighter game (the word fighter is crossed out, so it reads choose your game). it shows five ttrpg titles, with a short description of each, and an icon to represent them. the background is a light orange sky and green grass in a video game like art style. there is a fake game menu bar on the bottom. the games in the slide are functionally described below. end ID]

when we made war upon the slumbering woods by richard kelly @sprintingowl

a collaborate journey into the magical woods ... to destroy it

the treasure at the end of this dungeon is an escape from this dungeon and we will never escape from this dungeon by riverhouse games @riverhousegames

a lyric game about a never-ending dungeon and those stuck there

kenzie's project by sasha winter @stargazersasha

a Weird Academia horror game for three players

i love you, alive girl by anna anthropy

a 1-page game about writing love letters under surveillance

drifters by gila rpgs

a Weird West game of gunslingers and their guns

past semesters game options:

a dragon game by chris bissette cozy town by rae nedjadi @temporalhiccup

the process:

in the powerpoint introducing the games, i have a more thorough description of each one, and then three examples of inquiry questions that they could use as jumping off points to do their analysis on. the inquiry questions ask things like, what moral stance might this game align itself with, what other stories is this game in dialogue with and to what effect, what does this game have to say about the current state of our society? the students can use these inquiry questions or not, theyre only meant to be examples

the results:

this is definitely the most challenging project for my students, but i think that challenge is good for them! i've had really mixed results, with the most common issue i run into just being surface level analysis. they are, however, 18 and have never done anything like this before (for the vast majority of my students) so a lot of my feedback is just pushing them further and trying to get them to say something interesting. i really love a dragon game and cozy town, but i found they didnt have enough context of ttrpgs and dnd/pf to really Get why a dragon game was interesting, so i replaced it with escape from this dungeon since thats got some more meat for them like voicey rules and characters. and im a big fan of nedjadi's games and wanted to give my students something more cute and fun, but they struggled to find much to read into or say about it that wasnt very surface level. escape from this dungeon and ilu, alive girl are new games this semester so we will see how those go over!!

[lanymme]

it 1000% feels like, for the lack of time/aid/skill, the translators end up using machine TL for events, and that image you posted as an example feels like a prime candidate for that

fiammetta's file lines to this day are awkward and stunted because they're almost word for word machine TLs

Okay I was gonna wait a little while for this post but you hit the nail on the head.

My (apparently not-so) tinfoil hat theory about this game: nearly all of it is machine translated.

While reading Dorothy's Vision in preparation for Lone Trail, I came across a (probably infamous) stretch of critically story-relevant text that was not translated at all. A friend of mine directed me to the arknights story reader, where I looked into the EN translation and, yep, that's still Chinese. So I ran it through a Machine TL to get the jist of it. It was serviceable, a lot of the terms translated surprisingly well, but the moment to moment writing was obscured to me by the TL quality.

And in a moment of dread I realized it read EXACTLY like any old bit of Arknights story, and everything clicked. The problems I have always had with the sentence structure and word choice feeling strangely disjointed, lacking in logical flow--all of it showed up the same from this raw machine translation.

Y'all. We've been getting a poorly touched-up machine translation of the Chinese text this whole time. All the effort you have to put in to just figure out what's being said--it's not your fault, the story is not too smart for you, it's because you're being asked to read a machine translation, without the context that it will be rough and full of holes.. Everything that writing is--beyond merely conveying information or a sequence of events--we get none of that.

Think about all the nuance we missed of your favorite characters. Your favorite moments. How much of their nuance and depth did we miss?

How many other characters and moments did you dismiss or skim because the writing couldn't convey their emotional core? How many of those could have been as important to you as your current fave?

The fact that Kal'tsit comes across as unintelligible--does she instead sound wise and poetic, in the original?

How much of the full text of Arknights do you think is available to us? 80%? 40%? Who can say.

But I can say one thing. What we have now is not acceptable.

Edit: hey, it’s been put forward by people with actual expertise in this field that MTL is highly unlikely here, and I realize I was a bit bold for this. If this is coming up in your feed pls seek out their explanations of things instead of reblogging the root! Thanks!

[chireikiden]

Might be a pretty basic take by the standards of more seasoned yuri fans, but it's my perspective as someone who's mostly read yuri in a Touhou context (though a lot of it), and exclusively manga from the Japanese fans as opposed to i.e. written fics.

Touhou yuri (using it very broadly here to describe any kind of wlw shipping present) is, across the board, in a pool of fan literature going back twenty years, remarkably good at taking the lesbian part for granted. Not counting outright het content or works that simply don't bring it up, I have only very vague memories of a character's lesbian orientation being either denied or even brought to question (even in the cliche "But we're both girls!" manner, which even as a somewhat dead horse trope you might still expect to see, given plenty of doujin writing isn't exactly highbrow). You might be able to read "Does she like girls?" between the lines in the usual question of "Does she like me?" if you really want to, but the way it's still basically treated as default is fun to me. There's a reason Touhou basically has honorary yuri status on e.g. Dynasty Reader, even the stories with effectively zero shipping in them. You might not notice if you haven't browsed the site, but it's literally nothing but yuri + Touhou. We even got upload rights just so we could post more Touhou.

(Of course, Touhou being yuri city is part of the reason any hint of straight romance gets a really strong kneejerk reaction from people, including me. But that's also because the lack of usable male characters makes that shipping inherently hamfisted, up to and including literally making up cardboard villager OCs. Basically the only positive example I can remember off the top of my head is Hisona's An Old Poem for the Cuckoo Bird depicting Youki with a 1000-year-old mostly joking crush on Nue, which after some chin-scratching I decided I liked alright. And Hisona of course has plenty of yuri cred to cover for it.)

But although taken for granted, most Touhou yuri is one or more of: a.) On a "blushing maidens thinking about holding hands" level in its approach to romance, b.) Only depicting the starting moments of a relationship, at best - usually just pining, c.) Only off-handedly teasing, basically to acknowledge the ship is there, d.) Showing a very close and loving relationship but leaving the romance part subtextual, even if thinly veiled.

While those are all fine - some of my favorite artists like e.g. Ashiyama undeniably fall under d.) - it means that artists who depict more established couples, and couples that get depicted as more established, stand out. I love when a story is very blunt about two characters, whether the focus is actually on them or not, already being an item. Be it due to a difference in target demographic or what, many of these works seem to have a slight lean towards being more raunchy/horny even when not outright R-18, but I don't actually mind that too much when it does happen - as long as they're fun and raunchy, as opposed to only raunchy or, god forbid, unfun in raunchy ways.

I like how Moyazou depicts Mokou and Keine as basically-married. I like how Atoki depicts YuuParu or SakiYachi after drawing like twenty books of them (each). I like when Kawayabug depicts Tojiko as Miko's beleaguered wife. But the example of the day is obviously risui (of Ladies of Scarlet Devil Mansion), who you might have guessed inspired this ramble. Funnily enough, in LoSDM she seems to have walked back Meiling and Sakuya's relationship coincidentally at the same time she toned down the content to fit SCoOW's guidelines, compared to her usual works that have MeiSaku at a much more established and mutual stage.

But the point stands that it's really fun to see LoSDM almost rub it in your face from the very start - from Meiling's dream to every other conversation she has - that everyone in it is unapologetically and openly lesbian, assumes everyone else to be a lesbian, and doesn't hesitate to talk about it like a (romcom idiot) adult.

Also, risui draw lady very good

[sysmedsaresexist]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

This is Mod Quill, but this is on behalf of a mutual friend of mine and Mod Dude's. Someone we care about a lot, and someone I'm not even going to fucking name here, because I am so fucking done with my friend suffering. Besides. You're going to know who it is if you have a lick of syscourse knowledge. I just hope they know what this might bring. If you're reading this, hon -- maybe just... delete your blogs and get out of syscourse. Make something new for yourself. Trust me, I've done that plenty of times.

Anyways.

@sophieinwonderland

Let's have a chat. Okay? I mean this completely, 1000 percent genuinely. I want to talk to you. WE want to talk to you. And we want to understand what the hell is going on with you.

Context: A friend of ours is in the hospital. This friend is in the hospital... likely because of you. Well, somewhat -- I'm not here to convince you that you, personally, are at fault for someone else's actions. You did not personally give them whatever implement of choice they used to nearly off themselves. But you have got to see that what you're doing -- what you've done for a very, very long time, causes people a lot of harm. And you have acknowledged it. Repeatedly.

You know that you do. You know you're hurting people. And you've shown constantly on your blog that you're okay with that.

This isn't the first time someone has been hospitalized after you took grievance with their tumblr blog. This is the second time someone has notably been hospitalized after interactions with you, and far from the last time someone's harmed themselves over you. I should know -- I'm a user who tried so desperately not to self harm, but you are the person who brought me to that point, many moons ago in a fit of hell and despair.

Don't worry, I'm all good -- it was barely anything. But it still stings emotionally, to this day.

The user in question who's currently hospitalized is not, and has not been stable, for a very long time. They're someone I hold dear, but I think we can all admit that people with DID sometimes struggle greatly with making really dumb choices. They've made a lot. This isn't the first time they've been in the hospital.

But Dude made a promise to them when it seemed like things were going to hell this time around, something to try and encourage things to go the right way.

Your named was tossed out too. Because of course it was. Like it or not, Sophie, you are 100% the biggest syscourser on Tumblr. You post the most and have the most followers. You are syscourse. And Dude's promise was to take syscourse down.

... But I don't think anyone in this situation really understands what that means.

Sophie, you are a person. Not a blog. Not a stance. Not a slogan, or a preacher, or whatever conspiracy you're trying to lean into next to explain away the angry actions you've shown more and more lately, to somehow explain why it's okay to say the things you've been saying, even when it sometimes, just maybe, seems like... you just don't want to.

As people may know, a (from my perspective, horrifically written, incredibly inaccurate, and only harmful) callout post for Sophie was recently posted to syscourse. What people don't know is that I, Mod Quill, was approached to help write it. Mod Dude was involved in the callout post as well, though to what extent I don't know.

I flat out refused to work on it. And that's because I knew exactly what would happen. I knew my friend would be hurt, or maybe even hospitalized over this. I knew that syscourse -- that Sophie -- would drive someone over the edge again. I knew that the document -- filled with inaccuracies and vaguities and nothingburgers to the max -- would be easy for Sophie to pick apart, easy to dismantle, and it would all start with debunking so much of the very real pain and suffering my friend has gone through.

And yeah.

I was right. Go figure. Maybe I should've done more, my brain inevitably says, I need to help everyone, I should've fought harder to prevent this... Dumbass brain.

Sigh.

Dude edit/addition: I knew the doc was coming, and while I won't say that I was supportive of it going out (I made the owner sit on it for several weeks), I made no effort to stop it. Having made my own callouts on sophie (and Quill, you have, too), I understood the need, and the positives and negatives. I knew Sophie could handle it. I was approached to read and check it, as my posts had been used in it. I even offered to help add to it, though... I ended up being completely unable to. I still can't actually remember anything in the doc. I'm doubting if I actually read it because it seems I retained nothing from it. This likely stems from the fact that I have been in contact with Sophie for several weeks now, getting to know her. I'm so incredibly conflicted on this topic that I chose to stay out of it publicly from start to finish, without comment or publicity. For the first time since I started my blog, I'm not feuding with anyone, I'm having such amazing conversations with people, I feel like I'm making more of a difference than ever before. Certain people have left me alone as I stayed under the drama radar.

I'm so tired of being angry...

My thoughts on the doc and sophie are complicated. I'm sorry to anyone that was hurt through my uncertainty. Instead of helping with the doc, we talked about life, experiences, medicalization, and I was... so happy. I don't think that I really thought beyond... "I wish I had spoken to some of these people sooner."

It's important to note that I don't blame the doc or author for any of this.

Syscourse, as a whole, does not address any sort of recovery, or help, or even just acknowledgement of the issues we are facing, as human beings, as systems, as people on this earth. It is just slinging words at each other with varying degrees of value. And I'll be the first to admit that I have relished that battleground. I have loved the feeling that I might be able to throw the right words or the right punches and get someone to either change, or deactivate. I've also wrestled with those feelings, tried to explain them away, mirroring what I see on Sophie's blog constantly.

But as more and more time goes on and I grow up and I see the damage that's done to me and my friends, I have grown to absolutely despise this place. I try my best to spread what joy I can. I also know it's really not enough.

Sophie, I have sent you, if I had to hazard a guess, at least 10 anons this past year, all of them variations on themes. Either positivity, begging you to take a break, or explaining to you in excruciating detail how I know you are hurting people, and why that hurts so badly. And... each and every single one of those have been met with dismissal. With that godforsaken shrug emoji that convinced me for years that you just... did not care, at all, about other people.

And this isn't just you. I know I'm coming at you, but that's because you are the biggest source of Syscourse Grief(tm) for this particular friend. But lord knows people get enemies here, that's just par for the course. So, this goes for everyone.

Learn to fucking care about each other, for fucks sakes.

God, this really is a ramble. I thank everyone who's bearing with me.

For syscourse in general: Stop. Just... stop. For those who are considering it, just stop for a bit, and witness. Watch. See what happens. Because the ones who are obstinate -- primarily the overly aggressive anti-endos and pro-endos -- will fling their vitriol at each other. It will just get worse and worse, and you can witness syscourse eat itself alive.

For my friend in the hospital: I've already given you some advice, but genuinely, I really, really hope you take care of yourself. I pray that, when you get back, you maybe set syscourse aside. At most, discord is there, and that seems to at least be tamer. But you are young. You have so much future ahead, and coming from someone who is (unfortunately seen as) an older system, I can promise you that it gets beter.

For Dude: GO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. You are recently retraumatized, recently through a severe surgery, and you are out here promising shit like "I'll burn syscourse to the ground for you"??? Play a fun game and pay attention to your fucking partners, take a fucking break and take care of yourself. Syscourse will wait for you. People will come and people will go, and it doesn't fucking matter. Your life is what matters and I'm so fucking scared watching you obsess over this one, small aspect of it. I'm so relieved you went to that fun pokemon blog. You aren't alone, you are so loved, and don't let this toxic ass place make you forget that.

And Sophie.

I'm going to give Dude a link to send to you. You don't have to take it if you don't want to. You don't even need to acknowledge this if you don't want to. But I'm swinging the door open and offering the olive branch. I know you don't use Discord much, but for gods sake, it's better than Tumblr DMs, and we both know how Tumblr is a mess.

I really hope you'll take me up on it.

And for everyone else.

Wait till you see what happens next.

Edit from Mod Quill: Well, what's next is evidently a need for clarification and yet another callout post. Hello, callout-post author. Thank you for your clarifications. Notably, I attempted to keep your URL out of this, for those who didn't know.

Anyways, for the fullest disclosure and context: I was approached by Mod Dude, who asked if I wanted to participate in "Sophie Drama, Anonymously." I agreed, though I'll admit I was hesitant due to my particular issues with that user. I was then added to a group chat involving an enormous callout post. Notably, it should be mentioned, callout posts are a major trigger of ours that we are still working on overcoming.

I clicked the document and saw it was a mess of grammar mistakes, poor formatting, and impossible for me to read without trembling. But given that I already have an intense distaste for the user who posted it, I wasn't about to tell them more personal details about myself, and I did not want to communicate with them any further due to my own fear of the instability of all those involved. I told them I disliked the callout post due to harassment that it would cause, that I feel Sophie is a person, and that they had better have contacted the user who was hurt -- who is once again revealed in the callout, unfortunately.

I tried to laugh it off and move on, and take care of my mental health. That's what I was lamenting above; the fact that I didn't say more. I felt bad that I didn't allow myself to damage my mental health further to craft a callout post -- something I have tried desperately to avoid since the one I made the mistake of writing years ago about the very user you wrote this callout post about -- and something I get roped into constantly.

I privately read the rest of the document after it had been posted in full, as I still have access to it and it is a publicly posted document. It was filled with things that I found to be either nothing important in particular (things that have already been discussed numerous times) or things that would just be inflammatory (i.e. the OAS sections). I talked with a friend on Discord about the document, to which we both agreed it was bad.

To the OP of the document: I didn't say any of this at the time because, as I said, I felt uneasy and could not be in that group chat. I explicitly said I would not be touching "it" (the group chat). I was taking care of my mental health.

I refused to work on it because, based on my past experiences and triggers, which I do not owe you and still alluded to anyways in my conversations with you, I knew it would end poorly. I tried my best to sway you in the moment, but I was not able to do so because of my own mental health.

So, yes, to clarify: My grievances with the document were not made known to the one who posted it, whom I never mentioned in the original post. I do not condemn the poster of the document. I was simply making my feelings about callout posts known. What is above is not a condemnation of the callout writer, nor a comment on them at all. I genuinely did not want the point of this post to be lost due to callout-post drama.

So let me reiterate the important part of all of this.

This post was about the state of syscourse and how people do not approach syscourse in a good way. It is constantly slinging hate at people, which is never justified.

Learn to fucking care about each other, for fucks sakes.

---

Mod dude, here...

I want to add something to this, but I don't know what. I mean, Quill said it all, quite well.

Hurt people... Hurt other people.

I've made the attempt, over the last year or so, to actually talk to some of the bigger names in syscourse, the ones usually active in the tags, endos and antis alike.

It reinforced that... we're all just fucking people, trying to get by.

Antis, have you even tried to empathize with the community you attack so quickly and cruelly? Imagine if people said those things to you or about CDD systems. Have you, personally, witnessed the things you claim are happening? Because I've been here a lot longer, and it seems you're making shit up. Consider that you should stop parroting everything you hear and stick to what you're actually seeing with your own eyes.

Endos, please don't forget that these are severely traumatized individuals that have probably never even been to therapy yet. If you're not yet, maybe you should get into therapy-- it doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong, but everyone could use someone to talk to, and seeing what it's like could be really beneficial to understanding the other side and getting an unbiased view of your own behavior and beliefs.

These are real fucking people that are ending up in the hospital.

Quill, the rest of my mods, and I are real fucking people behind these screens.

Sophie is a real person. They just got a new dish washer that they saw on Circ's blog, I missed it, but she linked it to me, and now I'm looking at it. She's going to let me know how it works.

And you know what? This little countertop dishwasher feels a hell of a lot more real and important than anything in syscourse.

As Quill mentioned, I just went through a major surgery. I'm learning that...

I'll probably never be able to walk properly again. My life is forever changed, and I'm really struggling.

My cat just... passed. Feel free to go like that post, it would mean a lot to me.

None of you know that. The people who leaked my main and smeared my wonderful name don't know that.

Sophie didn't know that the last time we fought each other.

My friend didn't know that when I promised him I would bring syscourse down.

Maybe bringing it down isn't the answer.

Maybe just reminding you all that we're all people behind the screen is enough.

Fucking TALK to each other.

Make an attempt to learn and understand.

Talk about things that actually matter.

Grow the FUCK up.

Reblog to share a hug, because that's more worthwhile.

And most importantly.

Please keep our friend in mind while they're in the hospital.

Syscourse community, endos and antis, this is one of our own. A person you've likely interacted with before, that you've seen around.

We exist in this small bubble, all together. Whether we like it or not.

[thisapplepielife]

My Current Masterlist:

Hi! I'm Apple. I currently write for Stranger Things. The majority is Steddie, but I do branch out from time to time, and you'll probably also notice some Gareth-centric fics popping up from me these days.

Last updated: November 1, 2024.

Quick Navigation:

my ao3 | thisapplepielife: short fics | steddie micro | corroded coffin fest | steddie song fics | spicy six | sub eddie week | steddie week | a stranger summer | steddie angsty august | steddie smutty september | steddie spooktober | steddiemas | steddie holiday drabbles

My hashtag #thisapplepielife: short fics gathers nearly every fic I post on Tumblr in one place. Short is relative, of course, but I've ended up using it for anything that isn't a long fic or series. There's gotta be 150+ standalone fics in there by now. With a lot of them not on ao3 at this time.

I also run the event blog @corrodedcoffinfest - if you'd like more Corroded Coffin fan works in your life, come join us!

Author's Self-Rec Fic: Tuesday's Gone With the Wind - this is my favorite thing I've written. So, if you wanna know what I'd tell you to read? It's that one.

(Some of my work is rated E, so please be mindful of ratings.)

I found myself way overdue for an updated masterlist, as my original one looks like I've only written three fics. So, here we go:

I've currently got three long fics all complete and ready to read in full. Tuesday's Gone With the Wind is my personal favorite, Take the Money and Run is my most popular and All Across the Universe is my most recent!

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind, Complete

Steddie, E, 184K, 9/9 Chapters (Read on AO3) Corroded Coffin's leased plane went down on June 13th, 1995 in the woods of Louisiana. Ten people on board died. Eddie Munson survived. Before he survived, he really lived.

Take the Money and Run, Complete

Steddie, E, 144K, 22/22 Chapters (Read on AO3) “Rules. Like, there’ll be no eating in my car. You’re not driving my car. No heavy metal,” Steve keeps listing, “you’re not picking up women and fucking them in m-” “I'll try to control myself,” Eddie interrupts with a quip, a smirk. Fucking girls in Steve’s car, or anywhere else for that matter, isn’t going to be an issue, unless something pretty fundamental shifts in him. Steve continues, completely ignoring Eddie, “You’ll wipe your feet. You’re not dragging dirt all over my car. No hitchhikers. No cutesy road games. No smoking in the car. I’m not paying for all the gas.” “Ass, gas or grass, got it,” Eddie says, like he's taking this very seriously. He is not taking this seriously. Or: Road trip!

All Across the Universe, Complete

Steddie, E, 135K, 16/16 Chapters (Read on AO3)

Steve Harrington knows this world isn't permanent. They never are. He blinks into existence, brand new and disoriented. He might not know where he is, or when, but he knows he's searching for something, for someone, as he's called on and on, all across the universe. He always finds him. Eddie.

I've got two series so far, and they can be found below:

Wildflowers...and All the Rest, Complete

15/15, Various Ratings, 151K, (Read on AO3)

Wildflowers is a companion series to Tuesday's Gone With the Wind, but with a focus on Gareth. So, I'd recommend reading Tuesday's first, to get all the context needed for this series. But if you like Gareth, especially if you enjoyed the version of him I explored in Tuesday's, than this might be for you. (Steddie also features.) It's some of my favorite work of mine, to date.

Jagged Little Pill, Complete

2/2, M, 26K, (Read on AO3)

My first foray into writing for Stranger Things and Steddie! Set in the 90s. Eddie runs, and Steve and the kids decide to find him using El's powers.

First part from Steve's POV and the second is from Eddie's.

My one shots that are a little bit longer than a 1000-ish word ficlet:

Steddie:

No Loose Ends, E, 6.5k, ao3 or tumblr

Never Not Mine, E, 3.2k, ao3 or tumblr

Secret Santa, E, 6k, ao3 or tumblr

Permanent 99, E, 2.8k, ao3 or tumblr

Oh, He Wants, E, 4.6k, ao3 or tumblr

Ready For It, E, 2.5k, tumblr

Of Wolf and Man, E, 5.5k, ao3 or tumblr

Vigilante Shit, E, 7.7k, ao3 or tumblr

King Steve, M, 9.9k, ao3 or tumblr

If You Only Believe, M, 4.9k, ao3 or tumblr

Let the Boy Be Merry, M, 3.3k, ao3 or tumblr

Yours For The Weekend, M, 8.3k, ao3 or tumblr

Gravity Always Wins, M, 6.4k, ao3 or tumblr

Tip Your Driver, T, 4.1k, ao3 or tumblr

Different Lessons, T, 3.3k, ao3 or tumblr

I'm An Island, But You're An Ocean, T, 2.2k, tumblr

Can't Miss Us, T, 1.9k, tumblr

Bats in the Belfry, T, 2.4k, tumblr

Others:

Firing on All Cylinders, T, 3k, tumblr (Jeff & Goodie, Corroded Coffin, Set in Tuesday's verse)

Save It For a Rainy Day, T, 1.9k, tumblr (Wayne, childhood Steddie)

Set Sail on Your Ocean Of Flavor, T, 2.5k, tumblr (Chrissy, Eddie, Steve, Robin)

You Hear That?, T, 3.8k, tumblr (Robin, Corroded Coffin, Pre-Steddie, The Party)

And I run the event @corrodedcoffinfest that is currently hosting pop-up events. If you'd like to join, please come on over there!

The current event is the Black Friday pop-up scheduled for November 29th, 2024.

After writing Tuesday's, Gareth wormed his way into my brain. Since then, he's been featured quite often in my fics. Here are some of those things:

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind, E, 184k

Wildflowers...and all the Rest, E, 151k

Paint It, Black, M, 1k

No Loose Ends, E, 6.5k

One Nap at a Time, T, 2k

Bang Dem Sticks, T, <1k

Corroded Coffin Fest - in general, but specifically:

You Win Some, You Lose Some, E, 1k

Louisiana Rain, E, 1k

Got You Good, Kid, T, 1k

You Love Me, Now Act Like It, M, 1k

Oh My, Good Lord, T, 1k

Room 1015 - Gareth, E, 1k

It Was His Year, M, 1k

Headlines, M, 1k

Zipper, M, 1k

I'm Done, T, 1k

These Keys?, T, 1k

Just Have to Feel It, T, 1k

In 2024, I started doing an end of month wrap-up of what I've written and posted. At the bottom of each post there is links to of everything I posted during that month:

OCTOBER 2024 - 14 fics or chapters

SEPTEMBER 2024 - 8 fics or chapters

AUGUST 2024 - 11 fics or chapters

JULY 2024 - 52 fics or chapters

JUNE 2024 - 10 fics or chapters

MAY 2024 - 14 fics or chapters

APRIL 2024 - 12 fics or chapters

MARCH 2024 - 8 fics or chapters

FEBRUARY 2024 - 3 fics or chapters

JANUARY 2024 - 2 fics or chapters

I made a Gareth fanvid for a Corroded Coffin Fest pop-up event.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 2

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Chapter 2: Mission

Okay pre read thoughts here. This story is so good! I am totally loving the premise of this, the system mechanics are wonderful (so much sass) but also so unpredictable!

I'm not going to lie I am nervous for this mission that Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu and co are about to go on. I just feel like things are about to get completely fucked LOL

again (as a reader not as system in book) points to Shen Yuan for noting how nasty the relationships are in this OG canon (p 63 re: Die-er and Old Master Chen- barf)

Okay but like I get it Shen Yuan- I still cannot imagine attempting to fake being a martial master OMG p.64

MOOD "Shen Qingqiu didnt even want to pretend to meditate, so he lay on the bed, just pretending to be dead" p65

unrelated to this plot but also related to this plot: I fucking love how MXTX is as a writer. I love the constant comments about the writing of women and side characters in fantasy writing it's very meta right now p67 (Re: shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu- i haven't decided what to call him at this point tbh- talking about how the "original author" wrote the shittiest female characters).

I am once again here to talk about how Shen Yuan talks about Luo Binghe (he is a child- another barf) but also Shen Yuan does have this future(?) omniscient (?) knowledge about about what he becomes as a fully realized adult character - it still makes me deeply uncomfortable RE: "Shen Qingqiu could only say that, as expected, the brilliant protagonist truly was overwhelmingly cool, awesome, insane, and badass, with a dick longer than the heavens" p68

RIP easy mode XD LOL p69

why is he naked tho??? p71

bless her heart- RE: everything about Ning Yingying p74

I can't. Re: Luo Binghe's crisis pp76-77

If shen Qingqiu fixes this entire story by accidentally making Luo Binghe fall in love with him I- *deep sigh * pp76-77

The way Shen Yuan keeps reading the filth out of these characters- SO MUCH shade! "Their IQ wasn't beyond saving!" p 81

thank fuck he finally unlocked the OOC feat p85

Okay but the Lin Xi Caves actually sound so stunning p88

Re stunning caves: well minus the blood and qi deviation LOL

When his headcanon for Liu Qingge is absolutely wrecked ahahahaha p93

Liu Qingge really hates Shen Qingqiu (I mean, I get it but like still, damn) pp 97-98

Unrelated but I adore the way this sect is organized. It is visually stunning with the various peaks, im fully picturing this gorgeous mountain range

The QUEEREST thought so far in this is Shen Yuan commenting on the demon woman's (now I know she is Sha Hualing- don't @ me) footware, I can't p102

wait what the heck! Shen Qingqiu's fighting is so elegant! pp 106-107

Luo Binghe: status- Broken p107

OMG he wants to protect this kid but the struggle of a protagonist (re: -1000 if Luo Binghe does not fight) p109

Hell yeah! I already love Liu Mingyan!!! p111

OMG he totally is accidentally causing Luo Binghe to fall for him. I can't-what a way to fix the plot. p112

The hate Shen Yuan has for Ning Yingying is too much XD I keep laughing, oh no. Him basically saying "omg thank you for running away I literally cannot handle you in this fight because you are a constant mess" p116

wait. WTF. Is Shen Qingqiu going to die?!?!?! p124

oh, thank fuck, Liu Qingge showed up pp129-130

bahahahah OFC he's "repaying for the cave" p131

oh damn well shit okay, that's one way to end the chapter.

I hope his cultivation is not fucked because of the poison!?!?!?

also jesus, that's a harsh way to get points. Does he level up in this?? I feel like he at least deserves a level up.

That's all for this chapter!

Tomorrow is date night for me and my partner so maybe no chapter- but we will see if I have time to read earlier or not.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

I want to echo all the nice things people have said about your work, and add one more: I appreciate that your blog offers space to mourn the Holocaust. Not the Holocaust as a metaphor, not the Holocaust as a rhetorical invocation, but the Holocaust in and of itself. It provides a sobering kind of relief. When I was a kid learning about the Holocaust, my classes always showed me Life is Beautiful and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (UGH) and one teacher insisted that she wanted me to understand "how the Jews kicked Hitler's ass!" Which... no. On so many levels. So I admire how your work holds the dialectical truths of mass tragedy and brave resistance. Your scholarship matters, your mental health matters, and I can't wait to read your book next year!

This message is so lovely I was too verklempt to even answer it last night. Thank you, so much, for taking the time to write and send this.

And yes I totally get what you mean. It's not some, as you put it, rhetorical invocation populated by faceless martyrs, but the very real murders of millions of real, flawed, living, breathing humans. I think the rhetorical version, with its ideologies and hagiographies, is easier to swallow.

I hate most Holocaust movies. At least, American ones. They just want so badly for there to be a happy ending and...the Holocaust doesn't have one. [Unnamed legendary Jewish director] optioned the rights to [book similar in scope to mine which came out in the last 4 years] and I'm not even upset, because I don't enjoy that director's gentile-focused quasi-uplifting attempts to depict said events. Hitler said he was going to destroy the majority of European Jewry, and he did. In the space of 12 years he destroyed civilizations, cultures, and languages spanning 1000+ years; more, if you hold him responsible for the ethnic cleansing of MENA Jewish communities post-1948. Nothing uplifting there.

That's why I think I like weird, post-modern, magical realist approaches to Holocaust fiction [see: my boyfriend recently convinced me to watch Jojo Rabbit and Inglorious Basterds]. Telling any of these stories doesn't fit into Western narrative conventions. So make it weird; have the characters dance to David Bowie; make it a Western with subtitles; make the audience wonder if magic or just mundane in the specific context of the story. That's, imo, the only way to capture the sheer unreality of these very real events in fiction. I would LOVE a work of magical realist Holocaust fiction that involves the golem of Prague (if it exists omg tell me!) or something similar. Keeping in mind, of course, that I'm neither a film not a literary scholar. Just, as a historian who took one cultural criticism course in undergrad, those feels the most...right.

And oy your teacher. I feel for her; this is a difficult subject to teach. But...the Jews didn't kick Hitler's ass. That's the opposite of what happened. The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising is the most famous instance of organized Jewish resistance to the Holocaust, and those fighters only kicked ass until the Nazis (quickly) realized that they needed reinforcements and flamethrowers because oops these Jews came prepared. And even the fighters themselves knew that they weren't going to "win" anything. They were making a symbolic historical gesture/statement and fully expected to die. To the point that survivors almost uniformly express in their memoirs and testimonies that the ones who died fighting were the only real heroes and they rest of them are nbd, and this isn't something that should be talked about (which, is something that I'm trying to respect in my book! Like the fact that Zivia Lubetkin utterly rejected any attempt to describe her as a hero matters, even though that's how I personally view her).

Anyway I've rambled enough. Thank you again for the message!

[imustbenuts]

Reading of Fire Emblem Awakening with a Buddhist lens and the context of the 'sacrifice mc' ending

Preface: Writen by a person who is a massive nerd living in South East Asia. Not a practicing Buddhist but grew up on the fringes of its local influence. Most points here are copy pasted and heavily edited from a prev post I wrote in reply to felikatze's post about Brave Robin some time ago.

EN: Fire Emblem Awakening

JP: ファイアーエムブレム 覚醒

Awakening is a pretty important word when it comes to religion and spirituality, but specifically when put in the light of Buddhism, it takes on extra meaning. Kakusei 覚醒 in JP language has a heavier emphasis on Enlightenment than just waking up after an alarm bell rings.

In this entry, the word Awakening isn't thrown into the title in reference to Robin awakening to the fell dragon; it's a bad end if followed straight anyway. Trying to read it with a non-buddhist lens will often yield the confusion of why self-sacrifice would ever be justified, and in my experience many anglo speaking fans online have indeed express dislike of the sacrifice ending in Awakening.

Which is understandable. But! To the Japanese and many other Asian players, this overwhelmingly isn't the case. And the reason is I think: culture + Buddhism.

The flow of this post will go in this rough outline while I try to explain it from a more Buddhist pov. Sorry if it's messy :(

Buddhism 101 Crash Course (orange so if you wanna skip it feel free)

Original Timeline Awakening

'Our' Shown Timeline Awakening

Ending

Ok. Let's begin

Crash Course on surface level Buddhism 101 (please please go read more on your own if interested, this is VERY surface):

The core idea of Buddhism is that everything is dynamic, fluid, and fluctuating. Never in perpetual stasis. In Buddhism cosmosology, there are different tiers of being ranging from low to high. The goal of Buddhsim is to break out of the cycle of death and rebirth (samsara), and enter into a state of peaceful non-existence (nirvana). Suffering and yearning is inevitable as a part of life, and is meant to be reduced as much as possible for both the individual and others. Causing more will cause the individual to stray further away from the goal of nirvana. Also, that everything in the world is deeply interconnected, and an action will affect things down the line.

And, the final condition of being able to nirvana is to essentially, let go of attachment.

Buddhism Cosmology 101 and FEverse:

So in Buddhism cosmology, there are tiers of beings. The higher one is in this existence tier, the closer one is to breaking out of the cycle. Humans are the baseline, and animals are the lower while supernatural beings are higher as a general rule of thumb. (theres exceptions to this like the hungry ghosts but not impt here for this post)

IN FEA, we have a few characters who are of a vague but present 'higher' tier. Naga, Tiki, Nowe, and Nah. And then there's Grima, the gigantic Fell Dragon. Though we can interpret these characters as different races of beings compared to humans, if we apply Buddhism cosmology, then these are 'higher' tier being. With Naga being one of the highest tier. In fact she functions exactly like a Buddha.

And still, despite being a higher being relative to humans, Grima isn't out of the cycle. In fact, Grima is locked into it. Contrast Naga where it feels like she could go at anytime but choose to stay behind.

Locked in the cycle and not allowed to change

Instead, Grima is bound to a blood pact with Forneus after being artificially created. No matter how its sliced, Grima is closer a tier to the divine dragons than humans and should technically be closer to nirvana, but no dice. In-lore, this supernatural aspect grants power to Forneus' bloodline and subsequently Validar and Robin, on top of binding them to the plane of the living. Grima gets back into existence over the 1000 years after their initial defeat to inflict incredible pain and devastation and gets sealed for it.

So, Grima isn't able to break out of samsara from a Buddhist pov, and each time they come back they're requested/demanded by the summoners to cause immense pain and destruction. As much as there might be manipulation on the Grimleals' side, it's equally possible its willing to on some degree on their side. Thus the cycle of suffering for both them and the world continues.

But there is one extra nuance here to the reincarnation idea in Buddhism: Buddhists prefer the term 're-becoming' or 'rebirth' rather than reincarnation. Its not exactly a re-inheritance of the same exact unchanging soul in a new body, but the passing on of a mind/consciousness which can be malleable. And since a mental state is a lot more fluid and changeable, it's much more preferred to the idea of a same-ish soul being passed on like a hot potato typical in western Catholic interpretation of the same concept. (eternal paradise or damnation being a big thing from what I understand, so it's a very one soul one life one chance kinda deal.) Subtle differences, but put a pin in this for now.

On the topic of memories

A reincarnated person isn't supposed to have their old memories... at least, at first, the orignal Robin seems to do. Now, while big Buddha himself had his past lives' memories, it was only after he mediated and gained enlightenmnet. If we follow this logic, it's likely something broke original timeline (OT) Robin in the opposite way, leading into a... let's just say false awakening. This leads into the first timeline where Robin, retaining all their current life's memories and told their identity was Grima and not allowed to basically begin anew, destroys the world with a zombie apocalypse. In this timeline, Robin awakens, but not to a cool gucci love and peace Buddha enlightenment. Rather, the cynical, nihilistic all things should die and shut up kind.

In normal reincarnation situation, the reborn person is allowed to begin anew. There is a Buddhist hell which fucntions as a means to cleanse one of their bad karma, and so there is a strong emphasis on this. Grima is being shackled to 1 identity imo, and it sucks a bit.

Semi HC territory with this lens too: It's very likely that despair at various point was exploited for this to happen by their worshippers. Bc what better way to than to cut off a person from the rest of the world, from people, and create a situation where the victim has no one to lean on? Exactly like how baby Grima was cut off like in FE:Shadows of Valentia in that sealed off tower known as Thebes Labyrinth. Ofc, this is pure independence at the worst, and also very textbook cultist stuff.

(Side note: remembering past lives isn't really a loud thing in Buddhist practice, I think. It's sort of egotistical to claim oneself as so-and-so, going against some teachings and practice of it since it makes the claimer seem egotistical and arrogant, and thus it's just... bad form to do so. Also its more often than not used as a tactic to scam/manipulate people >_>. )

So, original timeline was played straight to the title: Fire Emblem Awakening. False Awakening. (I hope I'm making sense so far. x_x;;)

Fire Emblem Awakening's original timeline is true to its title and a bleak world.

This Awakening is just. Wrong. Remember that I mention interdependence being a big part of the core religion's philosophy? Grima shuns this by ignoring bonds and killing all those they might be friends with otherwise. Despite the constant preaching of Buddhism to be peaceful and do good things, Grima kind of murders and kills and is everything associated with darkness and death. Rather than lessen suffering, Grima causes more and takes away others' ability to walk their own path in their goal of total destruction.

Grima also does not even come close to understanding the world and interconnectedness. Thus, Grima with their actions here is doomed to be perpetually trapped in a never-ending spiral of life and death.

Amnesia zap!

So, stuff happens, Lucina takes on the world and breaks into another timeline. Grima follows, causing alternate (our) Robin to get the big amnesia zap. To do over, basically, to let go of the past and redo it from a clean slate devoid of prior biases and judgement.

In effect, this is as good as being reborn from the Buddhist pov. Remember when I mention not remembering the past life at least in the beginning? And that the mind is fluid?

Later in the game, amnesia'd Robin meets OT Robin/Grima, and it gets. Interesting. The both of them seems to be disturbed by each other. If we follow the logic that these are the same person, then the schism, I think, is rooted very much in their lived experiences and thus take-away of their understanding of their own world.

This characterization further continues into Fire Emblem Heroes. They trigger each others' panic response. It's the maximum uncanny valley feeling, I think, bc it's like looking at a doppelganger: the exact same in appearance, but slightly ever so different in personality, in experience, in belief. To the point that its not exactly them, even though it should be.

At their meeting in FEA, Our Robin the Avatar the MC has already grown close to Chrom and friends. Our Robin understands bonds and their place in the world and finds love and acceptance and a place for themself beside Chrom, and in Ylisse.

This Robin understands the concept of love and interconnectedness. Grima/OT Robin, however, continues to shun it all to the end.

Conditions ok in the new timeline. Let go, Yes/No?

...So in the timeline we're familiar with, what is the Awakening referring to?

If we go by how one is supposed to attain enlightenment in Buddhism, it's by gaining an insight to how the world works, how everything is connected, and letting go of cravings/yearnings. While I think there's possibly a bunch of ways to interpret this in FEA, there is a very simple one.

The easiest interpretation would be that Robin understood their role in the world to be a vessel/reincarnation of Grima, and that it isn't the correct way because bonds are too important, and that no matter how difficult it must be, a worse future must be prevented no matter the cost. Bc they have come to adore their friends and the family of said friends and their future.

And to that future, possibly even the world in which they reside.

Grima however, stands against this. Grima's existence means the future for their friends, possible spouse and children, and Chrom, cannot live. What Grima stands for is annihilation.

There is a way to remove Grima permanently, but that comes at a cost, and that cost is them. Choosing this is to know that Grima as Grima was known cannot be allowed to come into existence, and if they were Grima or even hold the potential, that chance needs to be non-existent. The Grima before them needs to be non-existent. Robin has to be non-existent. (Out of the samsara cycle as you could say hohoho)

The alternative would be to seal Grima away and then let the future deal with them again in 1000 years. To say that Robin is too attatched to their newfound love ones and cannot let go. And this might be more preferable to some.

But we're talking about a game with Awakening in the title made by a bunch of Japanese. And with a somewhat shared culture at least I and my friends here understand. And so, pretty much everyone around me in this part of the world overwhelmingly chose the mutual destruction option.

>Yes

In the sacrifice ending, they let go of their yearning to be with their friends, their possible spouse, their possible children, and Chrom. The world, essentially.

The key difference between Our Robin and the OT Robin is, Robin has hope for the world despite being cut off from his loved ones and knowing they might be in some afterlife hell where they might very well be alone. The emotions of hope and love is just so strong it's convinced Robin that death was worth facing.

This is the True Fire Emblem Awakening.

After the credits, Chrom finds Robin on the ground again, seemingly returned and now fully unchained to the identity of Grima. This is framed as a good thing, as reward for choosing the hard path. (Even tho technically Robin doesn't break out of samsara here but. It's a good job reward for the player I guess)

So when the game asks if you are willing to sacrifice your Robin, it is in effect asking if you the player are willing to accept letting go in hopes of change and the new. (at least in my pov)

And remember the pin? About the soul/mind being malleable?

Grima and Robin are direct contrasts. Line up the themes and they contrast in every way. Past vs Future, Despair vs Hope, Death vs Life. They can be interpreted as the same person or different depending, but it remains that they share the same soul despite being very different.

In effect, this is saying that yes, even indirectly, a complete irredeemable being who has commited so much attrocities it breaks the scale like Grima can change. Can be better. The conditions just has to be there.

Now, all of these is just a reading from a Buddhist pov. There's many many more takeaways and possible routes of extrapolation, so don't take this as me saying it's the only way to read FEA. It is not. It is sooo not there's a bunch of fans out there writnig their own analysis about it.

Also, the Buddhist narrative is not exclusive to FEA. It is in every FE games to some degree. I think FEA and Engage are some of the loudest and explicit. I've written more and complied them here if you are interested in checking out more of my word vomit.

Thanks for reading!

[molinaesque]

hi so i was reading one of ur posts (tysm btw i love anyone that dissects raphael) u said this:

"If you look at Raphael's ambitions and how much it has consumed and plagued him for centuries, he has technically failed over and over and over (his inception by itself is seen as a failure by his own kin)"

can you elaborate on that? where can we see these ambitions? and what do you mean by his inception being a failure? this is so very fascinating to me and i'd like to learn more!

Hey there! Glad you enjoyed the post!

Okay, so I realised that post would be more clearer if you had exhausted almost every possible line of dialogue or notes from Raphael and know about some of existing D&D lore. So, my bad on that part.

We know about Raphael's ambitions and primary goals through his dialogue in Sharess' Caress and the epilogue. This would be The Crown. We know he has been coveting this for a very long time. As to how we know why this is so important for Raphael because he tells you The Crown has immense power. If you know about how the hells and the devils work with their system and hierarchy, having power = more standing = more freedom (as in freedom to do whatever you please). Raphael tells us that he has been at this for 1000 years. I see those failures being the Crown being stolen away by his father first and then by a soul who was supposed to be under Raphael's charge (this is Gortash). Beyond that, basically him obsessing over the Crown and not being able to find a way to gain it ONLY UNTIL Tav and co comes along (along with The Dead Three bringing the Crown back in play) can also be seen as a failure of sorts, because he STILL had to wait for fate to play its part, so this was still beyond his agency. His diary entries also give a really good insight into how much this goal has plagued him for a long time.

As for his inception, cambions are seen as a result from an unholy communion. That's not really the problem per say, but rather who is involved that makes the cambions. In Raphael's case, he is more powerful and noteworthy from most typical cambions because his devil half is from an archdevil, Mephistopheles. His other half though is a mortal human, which is not looked upon fondly. Raphael's unique position however (being practically a prince and heir to the most powerful devil besides Asmodeus) is trumped over by his situation and circumstance of being Mephistopheles' son. Mephisto, in the case of Raphael, does not treat his kin highly. In fact it seems he acts as if he does not exist. On top of all this, devils in the hells climb up the hierarchical ladder to become more powerful. Raphael if he were just a plain devil would have a better time doing so. So not only is he stopgapped by his own father despite being of the blood of an archdevil, he is also held back by his other half of being a mortal. It's a very unique predicament and it's completely out of Raphael's hands... UNLESS he can find the means to get out of it himself. Thus, power = more freedom. He plans to become Archdevil Supreme so that he doesn't have to answer to ANYONE. Besides that, he wants to instill more order and control in the Hells by uniting it under one banner and end the Blood War. There are MANY things to go over why this is insane, but that's another topic for another day.

Hopefully, this clears things up a bit! It always is much clearer in my head to explain until I lay it out in text and realise, "oh god i need to provide so much context", so sometimes details get lost in translation. 😅

[wtftarot]

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[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Your post on continuity errors reminds me that the one that bothers me most in Animorphs is that in book 8, Ax reads the entire World Book encyclopedia and apparently remembers all of it, but in later books he's never heard of World War Two (MM3) or the nation of China (#46). Maybe it's trivial, but it makes part of Ax's arc toward the end of the series when he wrestles with human atrocities seem kind of forced.

So. Your Mileage May Vary on this one, but. My read of MM3 is that Ax has specifically never heard of the Holocaust. Like, you're right that he has no context for U.S.-U.K. troops storming Normandy beaches, and doesn't instantly understand when/where he is the way Marco does. But I think it's possible he's read a few encyclopedia articles on the subject without knowing about that particular battle. Rachel mentions the Holocaust, Ax asks her what that is, and she briefly explains. If that got left out of a world history book or an almanac, then that's potentially a pointed omission.

It might fall in the same category as Tobias joking about his complete lack of knowledge of the War of 1812 (which he mentions in #8 and IIRC #23). I assume that that's a deliberate callout on Applegate's part — we really don't cover the War of 1812 in most U.S. schools, because it's such a bad mark on the U.S.'s history. The U.S. and U.K. get in a trade dispute, the U.S. invades Canada in revenge, the U.S. murders 1000s of Native Americans on the chance they might be allied with the British, the U.S. murders 1000s of enslaved Black Americans on the chance they might be allied with the British, the Brits burn the White House, everyone decides to call it a draw. The whole thing is shameful, to say the least.

If Ax's almanacs don't cover the Holocaust, then I think you can read MM3 as drawing pointed attention to that omission because the whole point of MM3 is that we sanitize history to force the issue of "glory in battle" and "we happy few, we band of brothers" after the fact. That said, it's also 100% possible that Ax's knowledge of human history is just inconsistently written. Because that's been known to happen as well.

As for him not having heard of China... Uhhh, okay, what if he's mostly just encountered the acronym PRC before, and doesn't remember what it stands for? I've seen world atlases refer to China just as PRC before.