#rather than crying for emotions like a normal kid would

[spkyart]

Imiko

[otakusheep15]

Flufftober Day 31: Proposal - Octavinelle

Characters include: Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech

Word count: 1677

Azul

Who proposes: you

Azul genuinely and truly does not believe he deserves you. For as much bravado he pretends to have, none of it can protect him from the fact that he is deeply in love with every part of you. And yet, he can’t help but think that you deserve better than him. 

No matter how far away he gets from his past, it will always haunt him. He’s still very insecure about his appearance and personality, and it does affect how he handles your relationship. 

Your relationship progressed very slowly. It took him months to even work up the courage to hold your hand, always afraid that you’d find him disgusting for doing such a thing. Of course, you would never, but it took him a long time to actually believe that. 

Even now, as an adult, he still has a hard time dealing with his insecurities. 

Right now, more than anything, he wants to propose to you. He wants to marry you so bad that he might go inside. But he can’t bring himself to even buy a ring, let alone propose. Every time he even thinks about going out and buying you a ring, his insecurity gets the better of him and he brushes it off. 

One day, you ask him out on a date. It’s out of the blue, and he’s rather caught off guard. He says yes, because how could he possibly say no to you? Plus, it’s been so long since you’ve been on a date. He’s always so busy with work, and so are you, so he’s excited. 

On the day of, you take him to a nice restaurant, and you pay for everything yourself. It, yet again, catches him off guard, as he’s usually the one to pay. He doesn’t mind, and he actually kind of likes being pampered for once. 

Afterwards, you take him on a nice stroll around the city, enjoying the sight of all the lights now that it’s nighttime. Azul seems so relaxed, and it makes you happy to know he’s enjoying himself. He’s been so pent up lately, so you knew this would be good for him. 

Eventually, you return home, and you have one last thing for the night. He sits down on your couch as you run to the bedroom, leaving him in anticipation. 

When you return, you kneel down in front of him, and his eyes go wide in shock. He almost doesn’t believe it at first, until you present the box in your hands, opening it up to reveal a beautiful ring. His eyes immediately well up with tears as he looks at you, asking if you’re serious. You are. 

All this time, he was working himself up, convinced you secretly hated him and would never agree to marry him. He didn’t even notice you planning anything. Normally, he would’ve noticed immediately if you were planning something this huge, but you really caught him off guard. 

It takes him a second to find his voice through the tears, but he does say yes. You put the ring on his finger and pull him into a hug, comforting him as he continues to cry. They’re happy tears, of course, but you can tell he’s embarrassed about being so emotional. 

Your wedding is a huge celebration. He has a lot of family, and they’re all so excited to celebrate with him. The big party happens under the sea since most of his family can’t turn human just for one day. However, you do have a smaller party for your land-dwelling friends as well, and it’s just as fun. Azul tries so hard not to cry, and he fails miserably. He gets so emotional, and he can barely get through his vows before he’s an absolute mess. 

Jade

Who proposes: Jade

Out of the three Octotrio, Jade has always been the one most set on getting married. He’s lowkey always been the most family oriented, and even as a kid, he was so excited at the thought of having a family of his own.

Considering how he normally is, his dream of marriage is rather innocent in comparison. It’s truly the only thing he has no ulterior motives behind. He just really wants to get married and create a family.

That idea was even more solidified when he began dating you. He knew almost immediately that you were the person he was going to marry. He also had no intention of hiding that from you. 

Jade is very open about his feelings from the get go. He sees no reason to hide them from you. If you were truly uninterested, you would tell him so. However, you were very on board, much to his pleasure.

His proposal happens the second you’re both financially, physically, and mentally stable enough in your lives. As much as he wanted to get married immediately after school, even he knew that wasn’t exactly possible. So, he waited.

And, soon enough, the day came. The perfect day to finally propose to you. He already has the ring, having picked it out forever ago when he saw it at a lovely market. He knew he had to have it for this day, and he’s been holding onto it ever since.

It’s pretty obvious that he’s planning on proposing to you. He does not even try to hide it at all. In it's own way, it’s kind of cute. He’s so excited to just get to the proposal.

Initially, he had a whole event planned out. He would take you on a nice, romantic date, ending with the grand proposal of his dreams. However, all of that goes out the door that very morning.

Jade wakes up first, and the first thing he sees is your adorable sleeping face. Your hair is a mess and you’re drooling a bit. His eyes are practically hearts as he looks at you. Without thinking he shakes you awake, being careful not to startle you too much.

As you wipe the sleep from your eyes, Jade reaches into the bedside drawer, pulling out the ring box. Right as you begin to wake up, Jade presents you with the ring, and it takes you such a long time to process what’s going on. You look between him and the box, asking him if he’s for real. He said he had a whole day planned out today, so you assumed this would come later.

He explains that he just couldn’t wait even a second more, and he had to do this now. After taking a bit more to process, you say yes, and he immediately pulls you into a tight hug. Then he slips the ring on your finger. Now, instead of a pre-proposal date, your day is a day of celebration. 

Your wedding is simple yet elegant. Jade is very detail oriented, and that really shows here. It’s not a very big event, but there’s still plenty of guests. It’s a fun day, and this might be the most genuinely happy you’ve seen Jade in a while. He’s just so happy to be married to you.

Floyd

Who proposed: Floyd

Floyd is pretty well-known for being spontaneous. Almost everything he does is for the sake of entertainment, and he needs constant stimulation in order to feel something. 

At first, this included your relationship. He initially asked you out on a whim, assuming you’d be a fun fling. As time went on, he went from seeing you as a slightly amusing plaything to actually enjoying your company. You went from a mere fling to his actual partner. 

At first, this kind of scared Floyd. Besides Azul and Jade, he’s never let anyone get this close to him. It was strange letting you in like this. He didn’t plan on you, but now that he has you, he wants to keep you forever.

The idea of marriage was never for Floyd. He found it a weird, somewhat boring concept that wouldn’t be all that entertaining. Being tied down sounded like such a drag to him. That was until you of course. Now, marriage is all he can think about. 

As with everything else, it’s spontaneous when he buys the ring. He was walking by a store and saw the most darling ring, and he knew right away that it was meant for you. Despite what many think, Floyd certainly has an eye for fashion, especially when it comes to shiny gems. He took one look at this ring and had to buy it.

After purchasing the ring, he practically runs home, barreling down the door and startling you away from whatever you were doing previously. 

When you look at him, you see a happy, slightly deranged Floyd as he bounds up to you like a giant puppy. If you were anyone else, this would be a terrifying sight, but you are you, so this is absolutely adorable. You can tell he’s in a good mood.

He reaches you and immediately kneels down, wasting absolutely no time in pulling out the ring. You sit there, wide-eyed with shock, not even sure how to react. This was very unexpected.

Floyd looks at you expectedly, as if you were supposed to know this was going to happen. It takes you a second to find your voice, but when you do, it comes out in a whisper. Still, your yes is heard by Floyd, and that’s enough for him to pull you into a tight squeeze, placing the ring on your finger. 

He lifts you and spins you around, littering your face with kisses. You haven’t seen him so genuinely happy in years, and you absolutely love it.

Your wedding is basically just a giant party. Everyone you know is invited, and Floyd makes sure to make it as wild as he’s allowed. Some people would consider it too much, but you consider it uniquely Floyd, and you adore it. However, you do make sure he doesn’t go too far into party mode. It is still your wedding after all.

[briseroyawritingsblog]

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒔

𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒎𝒂𝒏!𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒙 𝒘𝒊𝒇𝒆!𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

+18 minors do not interact. hurt/comfort, nursing wounds, blood, physical pain, emotional pain, very slow healing, mutant cure, kissing, cuddling, mentions of sex, happy marriage, fluffy ending etc.

𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 / 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

divider by @bunnysrph 💌

“Oh no no no!!” You sobbed slapping your husbands cheek gently to wake him up. You found him passed out, third time this week. His dress shirt drenched in blood, bullet holes decorating the front making you cry hard. Tears staining your cheeks as you quickly rushed to the bathroom for first aid kit and to pull out the harming bullets. “Please.. please..” you sniffled ripping the front of his shirt buttons scattering all over the place. Grabbing your medical pliers you didn’t hesitate to dive inside the bullet holes in his chest, pulling one after one out. You cleaned the blood in process, the fresh one which pooled out of his wounds. You couldn’t stop crying— your heart held so much pain and grief. “You can’t die on me.. not like this. God I love you so much please don’t..” you slapped his cheek gentle to possibly wake him but he wouldn’t. The healing of his wounds were so slow.. even slower than a week ago. You did this few times.. he woke up right after but now he wouldn’t. You cried against his shoulder gently removing his ruined dress shirt. You washed his chest gently with a warm damp cloth, his face too, his hands. You kissed his knuckles where his claws would come out but now he was only laying on your bed. “Lo.. please..” you sighed with pain climbing on the bed right next to him snuggling to his side. “I know your body aches, I know but just.. come back to me. I will take care of you” you sobbed kissing his bearded cheek caressing his chest where his heart supposed to beat wildly by now but it didn’t. Another wave of pain hit you. “Please..!” You cried even harder.

The faint heartbeat returned, you knew that he lived. He was just too tired, in too much pain to wake up, he needed rest. So much of rest. Although.. he swore that he would never take the mutant cure you feared that it was the answer to your prayers at the moment. Opening the drawer on your bedside table you pulled out the cure. You could use only a little bit to heal him, only a tiny bit. Lo hated that you’ve spend so much money on it, nearly your whole pay check because you wanted to heal him. He’d rather suffer and get through it alone than to use the cure. You cried desperately waiting another moment before gently injecting a tiny bit of the cure in his vein. You watched his wounds heal away like magic, his heartbeat getting stronger. His breathing returning back to normal, you thanked god silently in between sobs. Putting away the cure you hugged him close to you pulling the covers over your bodies resting your cheek on his naked chest. You had no strength to move, you wanted to be close to your husband. You felt his arms coil around you and you closed your eyes crying with happiness. Tears streaming down your cheeks you let out a huff. “Shhh..” Lo whispered to you holding his eyes closed feeling healed, his body feeling like new and all thanks to you. “I’m so sorry kid..” he breathed out kissing your forehead. “I’m fucking sorry for giving you so much pain.” He sighed running his big calloused hand over your back. “Don’t say that.. I want all of your worries, all of the pain, I want to take it all away I’m your wife” you cried looking up at him still resting your cheek on his chest. “I can’t give it to you kid.. only my love” you closed your eyes at his words with a broken whimper. His thumb wiping away your tears “Thank you..” he added kissing your forehead again. “Shhh..baby” you climbed on top of him burying your face in his neck.

A faint smile appeared on his face, he held you close to him. Even closer than before “I can’t lose you, I can’t leave you Lo..” you whispered your chest hurting immensely at the thought of losing him. “You won’t. I’m still here..” he added reassuring you. “C’here kid.. kiss me” he breathed before he captured your mouth in a loving kiss. You kissed him more urgently to be sure he’s healed and that he’s there with you this wasn’t a dream. “My love” you let out a soft moan wrapping your arms around his neck and he hummed at the closeness. Your legs nearly curled around his waist “you tiny monkey, you won’t let me go will you now?” You shook your head resting your cheek to his. “I love you..” he smiled snuggling you close. Your core was pressing to his growing bulge “S’not this old man’s fault- you’re clingin’ and tellin’ me you love me” he let out a chuckle “and rubbin yourself on me.. fuck” you giggled at his words loving that he was back. “I’ll take care of you my love” you blushed kissing his lips. Lo’s kiss was needier than yours this time. All that crying and sobbing was quickly exchanged for moans and whimpers, he used that extra energy to love on you.

-

[astrogossipp]

mercury notes

trauma through mercury signs 🥀

warning - content may be triggering, following are not absolute facts take them with a grain of salt. And please reach out to your loved ones and take care of yourself.

masterlist🎙️

〰 aries mercury

they probably had a childhood were they didn't feel heard enough so growing up they learned to communicate by being loud and as quickly as possible or either learned to kept it all in. Someone older or leader of the family may have controlled them in their childhood, could be a teacher as well. probably grew up in a family where yelling was normal.

〰 taurus mercury

they had to learn to adjust a lot, they were probably the 2nd choice growing up. they learned whom to trust and whom not to at a very young age. they could've went through an experience where someone close to them broke their trust and hence they learned not to share too much of them to others.

〰 gemini mercury

gemini mercury was the odd one of the family who had to learn how to deal with their parents (parents could have different style of communication or either were ignorant towards the child or busy). They learned to entertain themselves at a young age through gaining knowledge this may also happen due to them wanting to be interesting enough so that their parents would spend time with them. can be prone to oversharing or not sharing at all.

〰 cancer mercury

cancer mercury tend to hold on their feelings until it is impossible to do so anymore and if they ever try to communicate and the other person does not recognises it, it could be hard for them to do share their feeling with that person in the future. They may tend to get emotional or cry while talking about how they feel. they can hold grudges (if underdeveloped)

〰 virgo mercury

They were probably criticized as young kids for whatever they did resulting in them being so cautious as adults and sometimes manifested as anxiety or nervousness. Healing work can be really good for them.

〰 leo mercury

as kids they may have gotten to much attention or no attention at all resulting them to learn to take charge of the situation as adults. They learned to create boundaries to protect themselves and learned to be as straight forward as possible. some can be people pleasers is underdeveloped.

〰 libra mercury

they probably were criticized or made fun of as kids resulting in them having some kind of insecurity. they likely put a facade around people and act as if everything is fine. they tend to flourish into very reliable people later in their lives.

〰 scorpio mercury

went through a lot as a kid. learned to shut their feelings and isolate. didn't know how to stand up for themselves and all this comes with them even in adulthood. they tend to not trust people's words easily as they have had experiences where there trust was shattered. self love is key.

〰 sagittarius mercury

they felt better at school than at home. probably were pretty know in their school for their humour and smartness. they learned to push away their feelings and to avoid them and rather focus on other things. they probably were the kids making dark jokes about how messed up their life is.

〰 capricorn mercury

they had quite practical parents who taught them things like work and practical skills at a young age. they were told that they must be able to take care of themselves. they learned to communicate in an assertive manner and had good values as kids. their parents weren't that affectionate and could be strict, creating fear around the child of not wanting to disappoint them.

〰 aquarius mercury

they were the kids who either barely talked as kids or were nervous to talk or let their thoughts be heard maybe because when they tried to share their thoughts they were either laughed at or judged. they were called the alien or odd ones of the group. very eccentric people honestly.

〰 pisces mercury

they had difficulty understanding people so they learned to give half answers or vague answers as they didn't want to come off as dumb or wrong in front of others. They probably were the kids who weren't able to stand up for themselves during fights. They may have trouble conveying what they are feeling in the moment.

this post was created by @astrogossipp on tumblr <3 if reposting my work please give credits

[emthimofnight]

would the three failed siblings have different personalities if they were raised by sonic and shadow?, and if so what would their personalities be?

Oh, for sure! Being raised in a positive environment where they aren't pitted against one another would really bring out their best traits. 😁

Void

Eldest brother

Still has low empathy, but is better at relating to others and putting himself in their shoes.

Very logical. Thinks things through far more than his siblings. That being said, he is extremely impulsive when emotional.

The most morally gray out of his siblings, but is still considered a "hero". Shadow worries he is only playing the hero role because it gives him an excuse to fight.

... He really does like fighting.

Definitely the one to suggest murder before anyone else.

Bumps heads with Shadow. Shadow sees a lot of the things he doesn't like about himself in Void, and projects a lot of his personal baggage onto him.

Closer to Sonic, finds his presence to be calming and enjoyable. Sonic knows how to handle Shadow, and therefore better understands how to handle Void.

Patient, protective, but blunt. Will almost ALWAYS tell someone the cold, hard truth, even if it hurts them. There have been many times he's made one of his siblings cry for being "too mean." He doesn't see it that way.

The quietest and least disruptive of his siblings. Spends a lot of time reading.

Andromeda

Eldest sister

Can come across as bratty or vain, but loves her family deeply. Often can't decide if they are the most annoying people in the world, or her favorite.

Still very much a moody teenager, but the normal, non-traumatized amount.

Would be that pretty, popular older sister that Stellar wishes she was more like.

Prefers to stay out of fights, despite her power. Values her appearance greatly and would rather her perfectly preened quills didn't get disturbed. That being said, she has an explosive temper, and won't shy away from punching it out with someone who pisses her off.

Gets along great with Shadow for the most part, but when they disagree, their fights are infamously explosive. Sonic can do little to defuse an argument between the two of them once it has started, so he usually tells the other kids to make some popcorn.

That being said, she, Shadow, and Stellar would often go shopping or to the spa together!

Sonic, on the other hand, would be her favorite dad to chill and watch movies with!

Very protective of her siblings. That type of girl to tease and make fun of her family, but immediately turn on anyone else who does. Those are HER idiots, dammit!

Polarity

Youngest brother (but still older than Stellar!!)

Playful, witty, and clever. No one thinks of faster comebacks than he does!

A LOT like Sonic, but with a softer edge. Has less of his bold-faced confidence.

Sporty and active, but also a huge nerd. LOVES comic books!

Fastest runner out of his siblings, period.

Due to having a lot of the same interests, Sonic and Polarity would spend a lot of time together! The two of them would have a lot of inside jokes and running bits. Polarity would want to be just like him!

The most eager to be a great hero out of his siblings.

Despite his closeness with Sonic, he is not missing any love from Shadow. It would seem that all the things Shadow likes about Sonic, he likes about Polarity. Shadow clearly has a favorite between his two sons.

Polarity and Stellar are the only two people who know how to make Shadow laugh consistently.

Polarity and Stellar are also the most alike among the siblings! The two of them are super close. Unfortunately for Polarity, being around Stellar seems to make him dumber. There is only one brain cell between the two of them when they are left to their own devices.

His antagonistic relationship with Void isn't present here! The two of them get along fine, even if Polarity isn't particularly close to him. If anything, he wishes the two of them did more stuff together.

[starlightkun]

❥・word count: 25.5k ❥・genre: fluff, enemies to lovers, single dad kun, single mom reader, there is some angst but not between reader and kun, more-so around them in terms of like life events ❥・warnings: cursing, kid on kid violence (biting lol) ❥・extra info: people are called ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ in this so if u can’t be normal abt that maybe skip this one ❥・author’s note: omggg it’s finally here! this one has been a wip for like literally like 1.5 yrs i think? anyway im absolutely in love w single dad kun in this one, and i hope u guys fall in love w him too 🫶

“Mr. Qian, I’m failing to see how this is any of your concern.”

“Because you’re treating my kid like he’s a felon.”

“Well yours treated mine like a chew toy so excuse me for exercising some caution,” you finally snapped, tightening your grip around your son and cradling the back of his head.

PART I: moments turn to dreams within my mind

Woobin had always been a kid with big feelings, from big smiles to big tears, and as his mom you encouraged him to feel those big feelings when they came. Your older cousin often warned you that you were raising a “crybaby,” but you brushed off her attempts at parenting advice. You’d rather have your Woobin and all his softness than her kid who screamed and threw his monster trucks at the wall at the slightest provocation.

But that didn’t make it any easier for you to walk in and see your son bawling by himself in the corner of his classroom when you went to pick him up from preschool that afternoon. You immediately skirted around a couple other kids and parents to kneel down beside him, feeling your heart breaking as you rubbed his back, “Binnie, Binnie, hey, hey, hey. Mommy’s here.”

You caught the three-year-old by the underarms before he could throw his arms around your neck. His face was bright red, eyes puffy from clearly how hard he had been crying, and snot and spit coated his chin.

“Wait a second, Binnie, I know,” you kept your voice level and calm despite how frantic you felt. “Is it a scary cry or a boo-boo cry?”

It took him several deep inhales and sniffling exhales before he could sob out, “Scary and boo-boo cry, Mommy!”

“Oh, baby,” you immediately enfolded him in your arms, cradling him to your chest gently. “What hurts, Binnie? Can you show me the boo-boo?”

It was then that one of his teachers finally joined you, an apologetic look on her face, “Ms. Y/N, I am so sorry. We would have called, but it happened right before the end of the school day.”

“What happened?”

“Woobin had an incident with another friend.”

“An incident? What sort of incident?” You looked around for another crying kid, expecting that they both had gotten hurt doing something together.

Woobin had just pulled up the left sleeve of his whale patterned longsleeve shirt when his teacher explained to you, “Woobin got bit.”

And there, on your son’s upper arm was the bright red imprint of teeth marks. In fact, it seemed to have been so recent that you could still see the indents in his skin. You were filled with such a burning, white hot rage that your skin tingled and if you weren’t already holding Woobin, you think you would’ve swung on someone. You liked to consider yourself a level-headed person, in control of your emotions, but it was practically all out the window in that moment.

“He got bit?” You repeated her phrasing incredulously. “You mean another kid bit him.”

“I understand that this can be upsetting—”

“How did this happen?” You demanded, pulling Woobin’s sleeve back down and wrapping your arms around him tighter. “What were you doing?”

“Ma’am, I think it would be best for all of us to have a discussion about this together.”

“All of us? Including the biter’s parents? I want to know what you are going to do to make sure my child is safe at your preschool before I even think about bringing him back here, much less have some mediation like he’s at fault as much as the kid who bit him.”

The teacher paused, as if waiting to see if you were done, before speaking again, “Ms. Y/N, it is our policy in such incidents to have a meeting between school personnel and the guardians of both involved children, regardless of... injury. In order for Woobin to keep his spot, you two are required to attend this meeting. We understand if you wish to seek out different accommodations for him, however, we’ve found that all parties are typically satisfied with the outcome of this process. I highly encourage you try it, and if you still want to pull Woobin from our program after, that is of course your decision as his mother.”

Your chest was heaving as you took deep breaths, clenching your jaw as you stared her down. After a few moments of deliberation and listening to your son’s continued sobs, you let out a short and bitter sigh, “When would this meeting be?”

“After school tomorrow. Will you be available then?”

“Fine. Yes,” you stood up with your boy still in your arms, shifting him onto your hip. “But Woobin will not be at school tomorrow.”

“He will be missed,” she nodded with that same placid smile.

As you stalked out of the classroom, you passed by a father and son speaking to the other teacher.

The next day, you dropped Woobin off at your parents’ place with a peck on his forehead and profuse ‘thank you’s to them. You had vented to your mother on the phone the night prior, after putting your son to bed, finally letting loose all the obscenities that you had wanted to in the preschool. Your mom gladly took her grandson for the day before shooing you off to work.

You then had to leave work a little early to pick Woobin up from your parents’ to take him to the preschool since the meeting was to take place right after the school day ended. For some godforsaken reason that escaped you, they required the kids to be in attendance at the meeting too. As if your three-year-old was really going to be testifying about the entire situation. The most him being there could accomplish was prove that he had a bite mark, which a picture on your phone could also do.

After a “give ‘em hell” from your mom, and an offer to come along from your dad, which you contemplated for a moment, then declined, you started for the school. While your dad coming along would make you feel better, it would also make you feel like you were buying your first car again and were afraid of the salesman trying to scam you for being a woman. This was a meeting about the welfare and treatment of your son, you could do this.

Standing in the lobby with some other parents who were milling around, waiting for the respective classrooms to announce they were ready for pick-up, you found yourself tapping your foot impatiently. The 1-year-olds picked up first, then the 2-year-olds. As those families filtered out, you were left with only a few parents, as this section of the school only went up to 3-year-olds. The 4-year-olds went to a different wing of the building for VPK, and you knew that the other buildings on the rather expansive campus held an elementary, middle, and even high school.

You felt Woobin shift in your arms to get comfortable, and readjusted him to your other hip, “Sorry, Binnie, I know you’re tired.”

“Do you two want to sit?” A voice spoke up from behind you.

You turned around and had to look down at a man in a suit sitting on one of the padded benches in the lobby. He was presumably some kind of businessman from the nice upkeep and fit of his suit, even as he had loosened the tie a little bit for being off of work. His handsome, friendly smile would’ve made your heart skip a beat on any other day, if you weren’t on a mission today.

All of the seating had been taken up when you got there, and you didn’t even think to look around for open spots as other parents started to leave.

The man shifted to one end, gesturing towards the open spots that could fit probably three adults comfortably. You smiled at him gratefully, “Oh, yes, thank you.”

You sat down, keeping your sleepy Woobin on your lap. Being at his grandparents’ today had thrown off his usual nap schedule, and you rubbed his back soothingly. Rolling up his sleeve which was on the side opposite from the man, you inspected the bite mark. It had blossomed into a rather gnarly bruise overnight, all blue and purple, and it only made anger churn again in your chest. He hadn’t given any indication that it still hurt as you fixed his sleeve, thumb tenderly swiping over the area after.

Finally, the three-year-old class was dismissed for pick-up, and the other parents gathered their children. You hung back, waiting for all of them to filter out, before you approached the classroom. You figured the parents of the biter would still be in there, but hadn’t expected the man who had offered you a seat to be the one there with another little boy and the teachers.

“Wonderful, everyone is here,” Mrs. Chen, the older of the two teachers, announced.

“Qian Kun.” The man took it upon himself to do the introductions, bowing to you politely. He then ruffled the hair of the boy standing beside him, just above knee-height, “And this is my son Junyi. I am deeply sorry for Junyi biting Woobin, Miss…?”

“Y/L/N Y/N,” you half-nodded half-bowed back to him as best you could with Woobin in your arms. “And before we get into all that, what I really want to know is—” You rounded on the teachers. “How this could have even happened.”

Ms. Xu, the younger teacher with whom you had spoken yesterday, opened a door on the far side of the classroom, “Of course. We’ll be having the meeting in here.”

With a short sigh at how your question was once again brushed off, you stepped into the interior office space. It looked like it must be where the teachers took their breaks and did any sort of administrative work. A few desks were against the walls, closed laptops and bags set on a couple of them. There was a table set up in the middle, four chairs around it, and a small area with toys off to the side.

“We have a place over there for the children to play while we discuss,” Ms. Xu smiled, gesturing to the toys you’d spotted when you walked in.

Mr. Qian nodded, gently directing his son towards them, “Go on and play for a bit, Junyi. Daddy’s going to talk right over here, okay?”

Junyi toddled over and plopped himself down on the playmat, picking up a truck and doll, easily entertaining himself. The other three adults looked to you and your son expectantly.

“Thank you, but Woobin is going to be staying with me,” you informed them. All the talking had made Woobin stir, but he seemed rather content in your arms anyway, simply looking between all the adults with big, curious eyes.

“Ms. Y/L/N, I assure you, I had a talk with Junyi last night and again this morning about not biting our friends. He shouldn’t be doing that anymore.”

“And I assure you, Mr. Qian, my concerns are not about your parenting,” you told him frankly. “But Woobin will be remaining with me for the duration of this meeting.”

“Ms. Y/L/N, really, Woobin will be fine with Juny—”

“Mr. Qian, I’m failing to see how this is any of your concern.”

“Because you’re treating my kid like he’s a felon.”

“Well yours treated mine like a chew toy so excuse me for exercising some caution,” you finally snapped, tightening your grip around your son and cradling the back of his head.

Mr. Qian’s jaw dropped, and Mrs. Chen cut in before he could say anything else.

“Let’s all sit down and try to have a more productive discussion.” The words were phrased like a suggestion, but the stern tone she said them in very much let you know that they weren’t. “Ms. Y/L/N, Woobin can of course be wherever you are most comfortable having him.”

You nodded to her curtly, taking a seat at the table. With Woobin more awake, you turned him in your lap to face the table, and set up a couple toys and small games on the tabletop to keep him occupied. The teachers took a seat beside each other, leaving you and Mr. Qian sitting caddy-corner.

“First, I want to know what happened,” you demanded, entirely focused on the two teachers.

Ms. Xu took over the explaining, “The class had earned free play yesterday after finishing their curriculum work early. After, we were doing our end of the day clean-up activities, which all of the students help with. Junyi and Woobin were assigned to pick up toys this week. It seems there was a disagreement about who was going to be putting away a specific toy, a whale. Woobin was bit.”

You clenched your jaw at that passive phrasing again. “And where were you two when this was going on?”

“Mrs. Chen was assisting the students who were cleaning the snack tables on the other side of the room. I was the one overseeing the students tidying that side of the room.”

“What do you mean when you say disagreement? I’m trying to understand how it was allowed to escalate into biting.”

Mr. Qian finally spoke up again, “Ms. Y/L/N, Junyi has never done anything like this before, I honestly don’t know where this came from. He’s not a mean kid.”

“Mr. Qian, that is not what I said nor asked,” you turned to him coolly. “I want to know what exactly she was seeing and how much time she had to intervene.”

Ms. Xu recalled, “The two of them were getting along fine. Junyi did seem to be getting a little frustrated, and Woobin was beginning to tear up, but there was no contact at that point, and we know how Woobin is.”

She glanced at the boy on your lap with a sympathetic look, and it took everything in you to hold back your revulsion at her. Yes, your son was quicker to cry than others, but that didn’t mean that as the adult, she shouldn’t investigate what exactly was making him cry.

“I was keeping an eye on the situation to see if they would resolve it on their own,” she tried to reassure you. “If I had thought that it would escalate like that at all, I promise I would have intervened. The contact was entirely unexpected and very sudden.”

“The biting.” You clarified flatly.

“Well, yes,” she nodded. “As soon as I saw it happen, both Mrs. Chen and I went over and separated the two. It was no more than a second or two at most, Ms. Y/N.”

“It sounds like you two did the best you could’ve,” Mr. Qian told the teachers before turning to you once more. “Ms. Y/L/N, again, I am so sorry that Junyi did this, but it sounds like it really did come out of nowhere.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, inhaling deeply to recenter yourself. Entirely ignoring Mr. Qian’s platitudes, you looked at the teacher, “It took you just a second or two to separate them?”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

“Binnie, may I?” You murmured to your son, reaching for the sleeve of his shirt.

“Okay, Mommy,” he easily let go of his toy for you.

Rolling up the longsleeve of his shirt you turned him a little to show off the deep black, blue, and purple bruise in the perfect shape of a set of little teeth to the other three adults sitting around the table with you. Ms. Xu audibly gasped, Mrs. Chen covered her mouth and looked away, and Mr. Qian had the most visceral reaction, grimacing with his whole upper body as if he’d been slapped.

“I simply find it hard to believe that it was only a mere one or two seconds when my son’s arm looks like this now,” you stated, making firm eye contact with both teachers. “So, I will ask again: How long did it take you to separate them?”

Mrs. Chen and Ms. Xu exchanged uncomfortable looks before the older woman took over speaking.

“Ms. Y/N, I’m not sure if you’ve had experience with removing a child that’s bitten onto another and won’t let go, but you can’t simply rip them apart without causing further damage to the other child’s skin. Ms. Xu couldn’t separate them on her own, she had to wait for me to get there, and as we’ve already said, I was on the other side of the classroom. So yes, it did take longer than we would have liked to separate the two.”

“So it took longer than two seconds, which is what you just told me, twice. You have lied to me twice now about how my child got injured in your classroom.” You rolled Woobin’s sleeve back down, absentmindedly patting his head. Leaning forward as much as you could with him there, you jutted your pointer finger decidedly into the tabletop outside of his toys, “So now I want to know what you and the school are going to do to ensure my son’s safety in your classroom.”

The father beside you suddenly jolted into action at your words, “Ms. Y/L/N, Junyi won’t—”

You rounded on him incredulously, doing your best to both be firm while not absolutely losing it on him, “Mr. Qian, I have already told you that I am not here to concern myself with how you parent your child. And I think the fact that you take my concern for my own child’s wellbeing as an affront to your relationship with yours says more than I would ever think is appropriate for me to.”

Okay, maybe you lost it on him a little.

With him sufficiently dumbfounded, you were able to focus back on the school staff in front of you, “Now please, can we get back to the topic at hand? I want to know what you two plan on doing about classroom management and observing the children under your care to prevent future incidents like this from happening. And I want it written down in a formal document, with assurances from your superiors about how both that and your staff training on communication with parents will be handled, because it certainly can’t include lying to them.”

Ms. Xu looked down at her lap guiltily, while Mrs. Chen simply looked disgruntled. You held the older woman’s gaze steadily, having a distinct feeling that little lie you’d been told was her doing, and the junior teacher was following her own superior’s lead.

“Of course, Ms. Y/N. I will call the principal right now to aid in drawing up the document you’ve requested,” Mrs. Chen acquiesced, standing up and moving over to one of the desks, picking up the landline phone sitting there.

You nodded to her, finally letting your eyes drop down to your kid in your lap. You were unable to fight off the smile that spread across your lips as you looked at your son, picking up one of his hands and bringing it up to your mouth to kiss his little fingers.

“My turn Mommy!” He squealed, grabbing one of your fingers and giving it a comically loud smooch.

You could feel Mr. Qian’s gobsmacked stare on you still, but ignored him. You’d done what you came here to do, none of which involved making nice with the biter’s parents. While what you’d said about not wanting to comment on his parenting was true, that didn’t mean that you hadn’t formed a silent opinion or two about it, especially with how defensive he was. Needless to say, with how he’d attempted to handle this, you didn’t really think very highly of Mr. Qian.

After leaving the mediation with your own copy of the formal plan on how the three-year-old classroom’s management and safety procedures were going to be tweaked—with specific policies about biting and inter-student de-escalation—and a form that you and Mr. Qian had signed attesting that you participated in and were satisfied with the mediation process, you paused in the lobby of the school. You were juggling too many things: the papers, some of Woobin’s toys, Woobin, your purse, all while trying to get your car keys.

“Hey, you need some help?”

You turned to Mr. Qian with a strained smile, “No, thank you, we’re okay.”

Considering the conversation over, you went to set Woobin down on the ground, “Here, Binnie, wait right here next to Mommy.”

“Oh, glad to see his legs do work.” The man was apparently still there.

“Yes, they do.” You pressed your lips into a flat line, not very amused. “And I don’t appreciate the passive-aggressive comment on my parenting, Mr. Qian.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Your joke was referencing the fact that the entire time you’ve seen Woobin and me this afternoon, I’ve been either carrying him or holding him in my lap, despite the fact that he can stand on his own. You’ve been letting your son walk on his own all afternoon and haven’t picked him up once. Thus, implying that I’m coddling my son and raising him to be dependent on me, while you’re raising yours to be independent.” You tossed Woobin’s toys into your purse, then folded the papers in half to tuck in as well. “Trust me, I’ve dealt with lots of people thinking they can give me unwarranted advice on parenting. Especially men who think I’m going to give him one too many hugs and he’ll develop an Oedipus complex. They also presumably think that my uterus is roaming around my body causing me to become hysterical while I’m telling them off, too.”

Having finally fished your car keys out from the bottom of your purse, you hoisted Woobin back up into your arms, defiantly making eye contact with the father, “Goodbye, Mr. Qian.”

A couple weeks of uneventfully picking up Woobin from preschool passed by. You saw Mr. Qian in the lobby, or passed by him in the classroom, of course. But you made no moves to talk to or even acknowledge him, nor he you. Ms. Xu seemed genuinely apologetic about what happened, doing everything possible to ingratiate herself to you at every opportunity, chatting you up at pick-up, asking about your day at work, or telling you about how well Woobin did at curriculum or art or such during the day. Mrs. Chen was cordial, and did your requested weekly check-ins on how the implementation of the new procedures were coming along. You sincerely engaged with and thanked her after each update. After all, you wanted your relationship with your son’s teachers to be productive, not adversarial. As long as they were done lying to you.

Today when you went to pick up Woobin, he was contently sitting in his chair at a table, swinging his feet under him. You squatted down beside him, mussing up his hair a bit, “Hey, Binnie. Have a good day?”

“Yes,” he nodded, reaching out towards you, and you grabbed his hand. “Missed Mommy.”

“And I missed Binnie!” You replied, squeezing his little tummy, delighting in the bright little giggle he let out. “Now come on, bubbles, let’s go home.”

“Oh, Ms. Y/N!” Ms. Xu was suddenly at your side before you could stand up.

“Ah, hello, Ms. Xu, how are you?”

“I’m very excited, actually. But first, Woobin had a fantastic day at school today. He went down so easy for naptime, and he finished the curriculum so fast that we brought out a 4-year-old worksheet for him just to see, and he did that one too! It was some counting, and he did great!”

You turned to your son with a grin, “Did you have fun doing all that counting, Binnie?”

He nodded enthusiastically.

“And are you proud of yourself, bubbles?”

“Yes, Mommy. Can I have a high five?”

“You can have two high fives,” you held out both your palms for him to smack his little hands into.

Turning back to the teacher, you indulged her in the question she very clearly wanted you to ask, “And why are you so excited, Ms. Xu?”

She handed you the piece of paper in her hands, “Well, the Fall Festival is coming up. The entire campus pitches in to put it on, and this year the preschool is running the Bake Sale table. We’re asking parents to volunteer to either bring treats, set up, break down, or do a shift running the table. If you’re able.”

It looked like you were the first parent Ms. Xu had given the sign-up sheet to, all the slots were empty. Eight slots to bring different baked goods, and two slots for each hour-long shift. While you weren’t exactly feeling charitable to the school—Woobin’s bruise still hadn’t fully healed—you noticed the text at the top of the sign-up sheet advertising that any parent who volunteered would get two free ride tickets. Woobin hadn’t gone on his first Ferris Wheel yet, and that was a memory you were looking forward to making with him.

“The ride tickets—” You tapped that part of the paper to draw Ms. Xu’s attention to it. “Will there be a Ferris Wheel?”

Her face immediately lit up and she nodded fervently, “Yes! And Woobin should be just big enough as long as he sits in your lap.”

Well, you could kill an hour running a Bake Sale table with another random preschooler’s parent then take Woobin on the Ferris Wheel. You quickly scribbled down your name for the first hour after the set-up shift, then handed the paper back to Ms. Xu.

The day of the Fall Festival was upon you, and you were holding Woobin’s hand as you walked across the expansive campus grounds. The booth where the preschool’s Bake Sale was set up was near the other food and carnival games towards the front of the grassy clearing, and you could see the Ferris Wheel at the very back. You were about fifteen minutes early, and most vendors were still finishing setting up. Since you were doing the first shift, you wanted to make sure you weren’t late, as well as see if there was anything from set up that you could help with if needed.

The Bake Sale booth was easy to find, and you saw two men there carrying in large tubs filled with containers of various baked goods.

“Good morning!” You greeted them brightly. “Are you the set-up crew?”

“Johnny Suh,” the taller of the two gestured to himself, then to his companion, “Jeong Jaehyun.”

“Nice to meet you two, I’m Y/L/N Y/N, and this is Woobin. I’m on the first shift. Your kids are in the three-year-old class as well, right?”

“Yes, Sungchan,” Mr. Jeong confirmed with a smile. “I think I’ve seen you around the classroom at drop off and pick up before.”

“And Mark is my boy,” Mr. Suh nodded, then looked around the property. “Well, these are the last of it. Now, he should be around here somewhere…”

You followed Mr. Suh’s gaze, and your stomach dropped as you recognized two familiar figures approaching the table from the direction of the school. Qian Kun was holding a metal box in one hand, and his son’s hand with the other. He set the metal box down on the table.

“Sorry, had to get the money box from Mrs. Chen in the classroom,” he explained, then looked to the two men with you. “Thank you, Mr. Suh, Mr. Jeong. Ms. Y/L/N and I have got it from here.”

“Alright, we’ll see you at the end for break-down, then,” Mr. Suh slapped Mr. Qian’s shoulder in a friendly gesture.

“Goodbye, Ms. Y/L/N, Mr. Qian. You too, Woobin and Junyi!” Mr. Jeong gave waves to all four of you before taking off after the other man who was already several long strides away from the table. “Hey, Johnny!”

Two pop-up chairs were set up behind the table, and Mr. Qian grabbed a bag that was beside one, unfurling a playmat from the inside and laying it down on the ground beside the table. He poured out a bunch of toys too, then squatted down beside his son.

“Alright, Junyi, I need you to look at me. Daddy needs you to play on this blanket today, okay? If you need to go off the blanket, you have to tell Daddy first. It’s so we can stay safe. You cannot leave the blanket without telling Daddy. All your favorite toys are there, you’re going to play with them and have fun. I’ve got snacks and stuff, too. But you need to stay on it. Do you understand, Junyi?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Okay, can you please tell me what you’re going to do then?”

“I’m going to play on the blanket.”

“And what if you want to leave?”

“I ask Daddy.”

“Why?”

Junyi’s face screwed into a pout as he tried to remember. “I forgot, ‘m sorry…”

“That’s okay, buddy. It’s so we can be safe,” Mr. Qian repeated it for him. “Now, why are we going to stay on the blanket?”

“So we can be safe.”

“Good, buddy,” He ruffled his son’s hair. “Now go play, I’ll be right here at this table.”

The man stood up straight again, his eyes flicking over you briefly as he began organizing the sweets on the table.

“Good morning, Ms. Y/L/N. Woobin is welcome to play on the mat with Junyi during the shift, if you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

“Oh, thank you.” You led Woobin over to the mat as well. “Binnie, Mommy is going to be working for a while at this table. Your job is to stay on the playmat with Junyi, so that you two can stay safe, okay? You cannot leave the playmat without Mommy.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“So tell me, what are you going to do?”

“Play with Junyi.”

“Where?”

“On the playmat.”

“Can you show Mommy what all the playmat is?”

He pointed to the edges of the yellow and blue blanket for you.

“And are you going to leave it without Mommy?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“So I can be safe.”

You grinned at him, “Thank you, bubbles. Go play, baby. Call for Mommy if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.”

After depositing a few more toys that you had brought along for Woobin on the mat, you returned to where Mr. Qian was setting out the food.

“Here,” he held a tray of brownies out to you. “These will go there, right in front of you.”

“Oh, got it.” You set them down exactly where he gestured. “So, you signed up for set up and the first shift?”

“I’m actually helping to run the Bake Sale, so I’m setting up, breaking down, and filling in for whichever slots nobody signed up for.”

“Wait, did you bake these, too?”

“Only the ones in containers with the green lids. Other parents contributed too.”

You looked over the baked goods he had indicated. All the ones in the green containers looked the best, you had considered in the back of your mind that one of the richer parents might have just bought them from a bakery and brought them in instead of baking themselves.

Sneaking a glance at the man beside you, you then panicked when you realized that he was already looking at you, expectantly holding out a plate of frosted sugar cookies.

“Here, next to the brownies.”

“Right, on it.”

Mr. Qian cleared his throat, “I am surprised, Ms. Y/L/N… that you’re allowing Woobin to play with Junyi.”

“I’ve also allowed him back at school for the past month, Mr. Qian.” You pointed out. “As I said, my issue has never been with Junyi, but with how the school handled the entire situation.”

“Hm.”

You let out a short sigh, “Though, I am sorry for some of the things I said at that meeting, they were out of line.”

“Some? May I inquire about which ones?”

“The chew toy thing…”

“Oh, yes.”

“And the whole ‘my concern over my child’s safety not being an affront to your relationship with yours.’ That was seriously… awful of me. Just so pretentious,” you breathed out, feeling ashamed as you relived your words. But if you were to ever expect to teach your son humility and owning up to his mistakes, you had to practice it yourself. “I said I wasn’t there to comment on your parenting and then I did exactly that in the exact same breath. I’m sorry, Mr. Qian, and I hope you can believe me when I say that.”

He held your gaze steadily, “I forgive you, Ms. Y/L/N.”

“Everything else I said, though, I stand by,” you reaffirmed pointedly.

“I understand,” he nodded.

You were pretty sure the festival had officially opened, as families had begun filtering in. Some were slowing down as they passed by your table to skim their eyes over your offerings, but none had stopped so far. So you were still just stuck there with Qian Kun and the overwhelming silence that felt like it was damn near suffocating you.

“So, what do you do for a living?” You finally decided to ask. If you weren’t going to be holding a grudge against the guy, you might as well make small talk.

“I’m in sales.”

Okay, small talk was not his forte. This was going to be like pulling teeth.

“Well it seems like they put the Bake Sale table in good hands, then.”

“What about you?” At least he understood reciprocity.

“Publishing.” Yeah, you weren’t any better than him. You stumbled to add on more information, “Uh, I’m a copy editor.”

“Is that like a proof reader?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

And at that moment, your blessed first customers walked up to your booth, a group of high school students, and you leapt at the opportunity to get out of that awkward conversation.

When your hour shift was finally over, you gleefully picked Woobin and his toys up from the playmat, took your two free ride tickets from Mr. Qian, and waved goodbye to him and the new volunteer parent who had shown up to take over your slot.

“Alright, Binnie, the Fall Festival is our oyster,” you looked it over with shining eyes. “What should we do first?”

Two hours later, and you were just finishing up your slightly late lunch. You scrolled through the delightful pictures that you’d taken of you and Woobin on the Ferris Wheel, sending a couple to your parents before tucking your phone away.

“Dessert sounds good, don’t you think?” You suggested to Woobin, and the Bake Sale popped into your mind. Those desserts that Mr. Qian made had looked really good, and you weren’t able to try any when you were working the table this morning…

“Please, Mommy?”

“You didn’t even need to ask, bubbles, Mommy wants some dessert too,” you admitted, taking his hand in yours. “I think we should go get some of those sweets that Junyi’s dad made. How does that sound? Did you see them earlier?”

There was a short line that you bumped up against at the Bake Sale table, just a couple families ahead of you. When you finally got to the front, your greeting to Mr. Qian stopped in your throat as you took in the empty spot beside him.

“Are you all by yourself, Mr. Qian?” You craned your neck to look around for signs of another parent.

He let out a tired sigh very clearly from deep within, eyes conveying a harrowed, ominous kind of exhaustion, “It seems as though the parent who signed up for the last four slots has skipped out on me. Been by myself for the past thirty minutes or so. I gave up on him about fifteen minutes ago.”

With a resolute nod, you hoisted your son up onto your hip and slid around to the other side of the table to stand beside Mr. Qian, “Binnie and I will finish the day out with you two then.”

“No, Ms. Y/L/N, you really don’t have to. I’m sure you have things to do, and I can run a preschool Bake Sale by myself.”

“Junyi! Come play with Woobin over here please!” You called after the little boy that you’d spotted toddling a little too far away from the playmat for comfort.

The man whipped around as his son came waddling back over at the sound of his name, clearly unaware that he had just wandered off. He squatted down to chastise the boy, reminding him to stay on the blanket. Junyi nodded, plopping down with his toys.

“I’m not leaving you out to dry, Kun,” you told the father frankly, sitting Woobin and his toys back down on the playmat too.

He gave you a frazzled smile, “Thanks, Y/N.”

Another couple hours passed by of you and Kun jointly running the Bake Sale table. Word had apparently spread since the first hour that you’d done with him in the morning, and the treats were extremely popular. Your line was never empty for more than a minute or two, and often times wrapped past other booths. Now you could see why Kun was so out of it when you had gotten there, he had been doing this by himself, even for just thirty minutes, with Junyi there.

The two of you fell into a symbiotic rhythm of taking orders, payment, handing out food, and keeping an eye on the two boys with you.

In a rare, brief lull between customers, you were caught off-guard when it was also quiet behind you. The telltale giggles, babbling, and nonsense conversation of Woobin and Junyi had faded out. You frowned thoughtfully as you finished rearranging the brownies in front of you, about to turn around to investigate anyway when a heart-wrenching wail pierced the still air. Immediately, you went to jerk around to comfort your crying Woobin, but were stopped in your tracks, so caught off-guard to see that it wasn’t your son sobbing. He was standing in front of Junyi, who was sat on the playmat, half-crying and half-screaming his head off.

Kun couldn’t get the cash in his hand into the register fast enough, and you rushed over to try to get Woobin to at least back up. Crowding Junyi definitely wasn’t going to help.

But you stopped as you realized that Woobin was talking to the other boy.

“Junyi, scary or boo-boo?” Woobin quietly asked him. After he didn’t get a reply, he asked again, “Scary or boo-boo?”

Junyi managed to blubber out, “Scary!”

Kun had finally arrived on the playmat while you watched on with wide, bewildered, and awestruck eyes as Woobin gave Junyi a big hug. The dad looked even more confused than you.

“What’s going on?”

You held up a finger for him to wait a moment, then turned to your son, “Binnie, do you know what happened to Junyi? Why is he having a scary cry?”

“Junyi fell down, Mommy,” he answered you dutifully.

“Okay, thank you,” you nodded to him. Looking at Kun, you explained, “Seems like Junyi just fell down. I don’t think he’s hurt, it just gave him a scare.”

“Daddy!” Junyi whimpered, and Kun gently extracted him from the other toddler’s arms to bring him into his own. Cradling his son, Kun murmured soft reassurances to him as the boy clung to his neck.

“Uh, thank you, Woobin,” he nodded to your son. “I’ve got Junyi from here.”

“You’re welcome,” Woobin replied, but you could see the moistness gathering in his eyes too. Oh, your big-hearted kid.

Both you and Kun brought your respective kids back to the table with you, sitting in the pop-up chairs with them in your laps. The two of you were quiet until Junyi’s sobs had simmered down into little hiccups, and you could feel that Woobin’s breathing had evened out into a nap.

“Okay, how did you do that?” Kun whispered at you.

“Do what?” You replied just as quietly.

“Get Woobin to do what he just did.”

“By asking him the exact same question pretty much every single time he’s cried for the past three years,” you answered honestly. “And he didn’t use to even answer me, much less ask other people that. That’s the first time he’s ever done that, actually.”

“Huh…”

Mr. Suh and Mr. Jeong came back an hour and a half later to help break down the table. It had been a pretty successful endeavor, if you did say so yourself, as there were only a handful of treats left, which you and Kun offered to a group of high schoolers who came by after break-down.

With everything packed up except the cash drawer, Kun turned to you with finality, “I’ve just got to drop this off with the front office and that’ll be it. Thanks, Y/N. You and Woobin were a big help today.”

“Of course. Sorry about that parent who skipped out on you. Who was it, anyway?”

“A… Mr. Nakamoto?” Kun read off the paper. “I’ve never heard of him.”

“I think I’ve chatted with him in the lobby a couple times. His son’s in the two-year-old class if I remember correctly?” You strained your memory, then gave up. “Oh, whatever. Maybe he just had an emergency or something.”

“That’s one way to look at it.”

“Anyway, have a goodnight, Kun, Junyi,” you nodded to the two of them, then squeezed your son’s hand. “Binnie, we’re leaving, do you want to say something to Junyi and Mr. Qian?”

Your son perked up, giving the two of them a bright smile and big wave, “Goodbye!”

“Junyi?” Kun prompted his son from where he was tucked into the father’s chest. “Tell Ms. Y/L/N and Woobin goodbye, you won’t see Woobin until Monday.”

“Bye, Woobin. Bye… Ms. Y/L/N.” Junyi said in between yawns, rubbing at his eyes. Poor guy seemed absolutely tuckered out.

“Goodnight,” Kun gave you one last nod before heading towards the school, and you and Woobin took off towards your car.

Monday morning you released Woobin’s hand to let him scamper into his classroom, giving Ms. Xu a wave of acknowledgement as you signed the morning drop-off sheet by the door. You were about to take off for work when a hand grabbed your elbow, and you hadn’t even realized that Ms. Xu had approached you, all too focused on heading to work.

“Ms. Y/N!”

“Ah, Ms. Xu, good morning,” you greeted her. “Is something the matter?”

“No, I just wanted to thank you for pitching in with the Bake Sale on Saturday. Mr. Qian informed us that he wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without your help.”

You looked around for Kun. You were only able to spot Junyi, however, coloring with Woobin at a table. Seems like he’d already come and gone. Great, now you had a reputation for being a helpful mom.

You shook off both her hand and her praise, “Oh, really Mr. Qian is exaggerating. He works in sales, did you know? Honestly didn’t need my help.”

“Well, whatever you two did, it was our most successful Bake Sale—well, any kind of fundraising event—for the preschool ever! And, we were wondering if the two of you would consider getting more involved in some parent leadership positions at the school? The preschool PTA have been trying to get a fundraising committee off the ground, and we really think that you two would do a fantastic job spearheading—”

You must have had some kind of look on your face, as Ms. Xu suddenly stopped dead in the middle of her sentence, entirely switching trains of thought. Keeping her same peppy tone and bright, hopeful smile, she said, “I am so sorry to have thrown so much at you. You must have to be getting to work. Why don’t we talk about it later when you come pick Woobin up? All of us, Mr. Qian, too. Goodbye, Ms. Y/N!”

And with that you were ushered out of the door, utterly dumbfounded at what had just happened.

That afternoon, you squared your shoulders and steeled your nerves as you approached the preschool doors. You had to keep your resolution firm: you were absolutely not going to be joining any sort of PTA, fundraising committee, or parent leadership position. The only thing that you were going to be spearheading was cracking open the bottle of wine that was waiting for you at your apartment tonight.

You were a little earlier than you usually were for pick-up, which you had done on purpose, needing to clear the air with a certain Mr. Qian Kun. Immediately homing in on the man, you made a beeline for him. He noticed you, his friendly hand falling as he seemed to notice the set of your brow.

“Good afternoon, Y—”

“Qian Kun,” you cut him off sternly. “Do you care to tell me why I was voluntold for a position spearheading a fundraising committee this morning?”

“Oh, that. Look, it came as a surprise to me too,” he tried to assuage you.

“Why the hell did my name even come out of your mouth in such a discussion in the first place?”

“Because they were praising me on how well the Bake Sale went, and I was making sure you got the credit that you deserved too. Are you upset about that? If so, I’m sorry? I guess?”

“You listen to the words coming out of my mouth: I will be a PTA mom over your dead body,” you hissed, scooching in to take the spot on the bench beside him and free up more standing space for the parents coming in.

“Okay, let’s take a step back from the threats, maybe, Y/N,” Kun suggested, holding his hands up in both a defensive and ‘are you kidding me?’ gesture. “What’s so awful about being a PTA parent in the first place?”

“Free labor for so little reward, and I don’t have the time for that. Do you?”

“We haven’t even heard their proposal; we don’t know what they’d be wanting us to do.”

“‘Spearheading a committee’ sounds like a part-time job at least.”

“Alright, well, didn’t Ms. Xu tell you that you and I held the most successful fundraising event the preschool’s ever had? And that wasn’t even with us making a concerted effort, either, that was just some random mid-grade effort Bake Sale. Imagine what we could do if we really go for it.”

“You work in sales, huh?” You deadpanned after his little pitch was finished. The one-year-old class opened for dismissal, and you leaned in towards him to continue your fervent conversation in a more hushed voice, “And can’t even realize when you’re the one being sold to! You do know that this campus has a bunch of filthy rich donors, right? They’re not hard pressed for cash, they just give the high school priority, then the middle school, primary, and the preschool gets the leftovers—if there’s even any—forcing it to have to fundraise for itself.”

“Isn’t that all the more reason to do this, then?” Kun pushed back.

“We could do a hundred Bake Sales and it wouldn’t make up the difference between the scraps the preschool gets and the millions that the high school does. No, it would be all the more reason for us to go find our own filthy rich donor who would put a stipulation on their donation for it to be used exclusively for the preschool.”

“Oh.”

“You’ve got to think bigger about this, Kun,” you knocked on his forehead with two of your knuckles as best you could in the narrow space between the two of you. “God. You said you work in sales, what do you even do?”

He rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly, red tinging the tips of his ears, “Would you believe me if I said I’m a Director of Sales?”

“No,” you snorted.

“That’s fair.”

“So anyway, glad we’re on the same page about saying no to this.” You went to lean away from him and put some pep back into your tone, watching as the two-year-old class was dismissed next.

“What? I—” he looked around, it was only the three-year-old parents left in the lobby now. You sighed, scooting back over to sit shoulder-to-shoulder again for him to be able to continue in a hushed voice, “I thought we were going to find a donor for the preschool.”

“You want us to go in there, and say yes to leading the preschool PTA’s fundraising committee on the condition that its sole mission is to stage a coup within the financial hierarchy of the campus?”

“Okay well when you say it like that—”

“I’m in.” You grinned at him. “As long as you were being serious about the Director of Sales thing.”

“I was,” he fished out a business card from his wallet to hand to you.

Qian Kun, Director of Sales, WeiShen, Inc.

And below that was his email, office phone line, and fax number. You gave it back to him.

“Perfect. Those connections will come in handy.”

The door to the three-year-old classroom swung open just then, and you got to your feet.

“Alright, Mr. Qian, ready to go start the cutest coup the world has ever seen?” You offered your hand to him.

He stood up alongside you, giving your hand a firm shake, “Yes, absolutely, Ms. Y/L/N. They’ll never know what hit them.”

While Mrs. Chen and Ms. Xu were definitely caught off-guard by your idea, after getting over their initial shock, they were surprisingly on-board with it. They requested that you two bring in a more formal proposal to the next preschool PTA meeting— next Wednesday. That gave you nine days.

“So how did you know all that, about the donors and distribution structure of the funds?” Kun asked as you walked out into the empty preschool lobby.

“I did my research before picking a preschool for Woobin. It’s all there on the Internet if you dig deep enough, and are somewhat adept at reading through the legal bull—” You cut yourself off, looking down at the two toddlers with you. Kun pushed the front door open for you, and you quietly thanked him as you led Woobin through it before resuming your train of thought, “It’s obviously not in any of the advertising stuff for prospective parents, but for prospective donors, investors; the corporate materials.”

The four of you stopped in front of the building, where the small parking lot was.

“So then why did you enroll him here, even knowing about how they treat the preschool with the donations?”

“The high school is the best in the area, and the easiest way to guarantee admission is to graduate in from their middle school. Easiest way to get into the middle school is to graduate in from the primary school.”

“And the easiest way into the primary school is through the preschool,” the dad surmised.

“Bingo. I’m keeping Binnie’s options open,” you squeezed your son’s hand affectionately. “He doesn’t have to go there, but I’m making sure he can if he wants.”

Kun’s eyebrows shot up, “Wow. That’s some really forward thinking.”

You tilted your head curiously, “So why’d you choose to send Junyi here?”

“It was the closest to my place.”

“Practical, that’s more than fair.”

“Speaking of, Junyi and I should get going, we have to pick up a couple things from the store for dinner tonight and buddy already looks like he’s not going to last the two block walk there.” He looked down at his son, who was very quiet, glassy eyes fixed on his feet.

You nodded in understanding, “Of course, Binnie and I have a wine night planned.”

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“Oh, Binnie gets grape juice and I have red wine in matching cups. He likes to feel included.”

“Does he get a matching kiddie charcuterie board too?” Kun chuckled to himself as he hoisted Junyi up onto his hip.

“No, he just takes what he wants off of mine.”

He gave you a blank stare, “I can’t tell if you’re pulling my leg or not.”

“Look, he insists on trying whatever I have, and he ends up liking a lot of it,” you shrugged. “He’s the only 3-year-old I know who asks for tapenade as a snack.”

“You’re being serious?” He checked again.

“Yes,” you laughed. Then, before you knew it, the next words coming out of your mouth were, “You know, you and Junyi should join Binnie and I for a charcuterie night. I’ll prepare actual kid-friendly stuff, too, for Junyi.”

Kun’s head jerked back just the slightest, and he blinked a couple times before asking, “Uh, just you and Woobin?”

“Yeah, is— Would that, uh, be a problem?” The offer had felt perfectly normal and natural for you to make in the moment, but his reaction was making you second guess and stammer. You rushed to tack on, “We can— It’ll be for the fundraising committee, you know.”

“Right, right, of course.” His voice was filled with shaky relief.

“Of course,” you echoed, offering a strained smile.

“As long as that’s not a problem for—for you.”

“Why would it be a problem for me? I invited you.”

“I don’t— That sounds great, thank you, Y/N.”

Desperately wanting to get out of the plane crash that you had inadvertently taken this conversation into, you readjusted your purse on your shoulder decidedly, “Of course. Uhm, well, we won’t hold you two up from the store anymore, it looks like Junyi’s about to fall asleep on you right now. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kun looked down at Junyi’s head that had been resting against his chest, the boy’s eyes beginning to flutter shut, “Oh, God, there he goes. Bye, Y/N, Woobin!”

And the man was around the corner before Woobin could even lift his little hand to wave.

“So what’s the big deal, Y/N?”

“Well because I feel stupid now, Sooyoung,” you ranted to your friend over the phone that night as you washed up the dishes from dinner. “It felt like I was maybe finally getting my first like, parent friend, you know? And then he got all weird as soon as I invited him to hang out. I wasn’t being weird, was I? It was practically a playdate invite!”

Woobin had been put to bed a few minutes ago, and you were recounting the horrible nosedive that your conversation with Kun had taken, needing to know that you weren’t crazy.

“Y/N…” Sooyoung’s voice was patient as it came through your speakers. “Now, I can only guess, because I am, as we know, not a parent friend. But… is he married?”

 “Huh?” The plate in your hand nearly slipped out of your soapy grip.

“Wedding ring, seen one?”

You wracked your brain, trying to remember if you’d ever really looked at Kun’s hands that closely, “Uh, not that I can remember?”

“Okay. You ever met the mom?”

“No, it’s always Kun who picks Junyi up.”

“Has a mom or another parent or partner ever been mentioned at all?”

“Sooyoung, the point,” you requested sternly, having a sneaking suspicion as to what it was.

“I’m just saying, maybe he got all weird because he thought you were flirting.”

“Oh my God,” you sighed and ran a hand through your hair before realizing that it was still soapy. “God damn it!”

“Y/N?”

You grabbed some paper towels to clean the suds off your head, “Yeah, still here, sorry.”

“Anyway… is he cute?”

“SooSoo, I don’t even think I could flirt on purpose at this point,” you chuckled cynically, going back to your chore. “That muscle’s long shriveled up. I just need to time skip to being married with two kids, I think.”

Your friend laughed along with you, “Fair. But, that doesn’t sound like a no. Kinda sounds like avoiding the question, actually.”

“Sooyoung.”

“Ooh, you gonna send me to my room?” She taunted you, and you could hear her pout through the phone. “Put me in time out?”

“You’d like that, you little freak,” you snickered, picking up your next dish.

That Saturday afternoon you and Woobin had welcomed Kun and Junyi into your apartment with giddy nerves. Woobin was excited, and you were excited for him. This would be pretty much his first playdate with a kid that he wasn’t related to. And you had all the nerves, as this was your first time having a parent friend over, too. Not to mention that Sooyoung’s words were still bouncing around in the back of your head. When Kun held out a bottle of red wine to you with his left hand, you looked extra hard at his fingers— yep, no ring.

“Oh, Kun, you didn’t have to,” you took it from him gladly, ushering the two of them further into your home.

“You’re hosting and making us a charcuterie board. I figured wine was appropriate,” he explained.

“Well, thank you. This is perfect.”

Woobin was right where you’d left him in the living room on his playmat among his toys.

“Binnie,” you said, waiting until he looked up at you before continuing, “Mr. Qian and Junyi are here, so we’re going to eat now, remember?”

He nodded, immediately standing up and beginning to shovel toys off to one side of his mat. You helped him slide the mat to the corner of the room.

“Uh, we’re just going to eat around the coffee table, if that’s alright,” you explained, gesturing to the cleared table in the middle of the living room.

“Yeah, of course,” Kun nodded.

“Great, great. Dining table kind of has a partially built LEGO set on it right now,” you chuckled as you set the wine bottle down. “I’m going to grab everything from the kitchen, be back in a second.”

“Oh, I’ll help.”

“No, that’s okay, I’ve already got a little helper,” you held a hand out expectantly towards your son. Woobin immediately grabbed your hand, looking up at you. You gave Kun a quick smile, “Be back in a sec.”

In the kitchen, you handed Woobin his spill-proof cup, then another for Junyi. You fit two wine glasses by the stems and a corkscrew in one hand, and grabbed the charcuterie board with the other. Gently nudging your toddler ahead of you, the two of you headed back out to the living room, where your guests were waiting.

Kun and Junyi had sat down on one side of the table, and you gently placed the food down in front of them, then one wine glass in front of Kun. You looked to your son, who handed the correct cup to Junyi.

“It’s just water,” you informed the dad. “We have juice too, if he can have it. I never know about allergies and the like so I didn’t want to assume.”

“Juice?” Woobin looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Yours is already grape juice, Binnie,” you informed him with a head pat.

Kun rubbed his son’s back, “Water’s fine for him, he had a juice box this morning. Thanks.”

You and Woobin sat opposite from the father and son, Woobin immediately clambering into your lap. As you went to uncork the wine, Kun looked over the board in front of you all. You had made sure to prepare some kid-friendly options in one corner in addition to your usual refined spread.

“This all looks fantastic, Y/N. Thank you, seriously,” Kun smiled, and you swore that was the first time you’d noticed a deep dimple appear on both of his cheeks.

You poured first for him, then yourself, “Of course. Thank you two for coming over, Woobin and I were both excited to host for someone. Right, Binnie?”

“What, Mommy?” Woobin looked up at you with a scrunched nose.

“‘Host.’” You repeated the unfamiliar word for him, then clarified your question, “Are you excited to have Junyi and Mr. Qian over?”

“Oh! Yes!” He nodded his head so fast you could feel the rest of his little body shake in your lap. “Can I show Junyi my room, Mommy?”

“After you two eat some, okay?”

“Okay!”

“Did you hear that, Junyi? After you eat, you and Woobin can play.” Kun gently prodded his son, then looked up at you apologetically when all the child did was yawn. “Sorry, he just woke up from a nap before coming over.”

“That’s okay,” you giggled, cutting off a piece of cheese and pressing it onto a cracker, then making another serving of the same cheese and cracker. You handed one to Woobin, keeping the other for yourself.

Woobin eagerly took a bite of the cheese and cracker you’d given him, washing it down with his grape juice.

Kun offered a bear-shaped cookie out to Junyi, who shook his head. The dad sighed, and pointed at a banana slice, then blueberry, then cheddar cheese slice that you’d cut into small star shapes. They all got head shakes.

“Are you hungry at all, buddy?”

“Yes!”

“Then what do you want? Ms. Y/L/N made sure to put out all that food just for you. I don’t think you want what Daddy is eating, buddy. It’s grown-up food.”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, unsure of if you should speak up. It seemed like they both needed help, but you weren’t one to try to interject your own parenting if it wasn’t asked for.

Junyi squirmed in his dad’s arms for a moment before mumbling, “But Woobin’s eating it…”

Meanwhile Woobin had in fact helped himself to a kalamata olive, pre-pitted, happily munching away.

Kun seemed at a loss, rubbing at his brow, and you finally decided to jump in.

“Junyi, you can try some, too,” you told him encouragingly, leaning forward and reaching over the board. “Do you want to try the cheese Woobin was eating or the olive he just had? Or both?”

“Cheese, please.”

You cut off a small piece of the gouda, “Here you go.”

He took it in his small hands, “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

You watched in amusement as Junyi ate the cheese, his features lighting up.

“Did you like it?”

“Yes! Can I try the olive?”

“Hey…” Kun’s voice held a slight warning as he pinched his son’s side.

“Can I try the olive please?”

“Thank you.” The dad patted the boy’s head before reaching around him for the glass of wine on the table.

You handed him an olive, both you and Kun watching with interest as he popped it into his mouth whole. Junyi’s face immediately screwed up in disgust. Without missing a beat, Kun held up a cupped palm with another short sigh, letting his son spit the food back out. Trying to hold back your giggles, you handed the dad a napkin.

“Thanks,” he accepted it, depositing the olive into the paper, and wiping his hand off.

After some more broadening of Junyi’s horizons—to mixed results—the board was mostly clear, and the kids had declared themselves full.

“Can I show Junyi my room now?” Woobin asked excitedly.

“Sure, Binnie. You two can go play,” you nodded, and he immediately scrambled off your lap. You held out a hand for him to use to balance himself as you kept talking, “Mr. Qian and I have some work to do, so we’ll be in here if you need us, okay?”

“Okay!” Both toddlers said in unison.

“Hey, look here,” Kun stopped his son before he could leave the room. The father waited until the boy was looking him in the eye before continuing, “Remember what we talked about before coming over? All week?”

Junyi nodded fervently.

“Good. Go have fun, buddy,” he ruffled his son's hair.

You watched the two of them speedwalk out excitedly, Woobin explaining the house rule of not being allowed to run because it’s not safe as they went.

Then it was just you and Kun. Sooyoung’s words echoed in the back of your mind.

“Alright, let me grab my laptop, then we can get to work,” you declared, getting to your feet.

A few hours later and the two of you had made good progress, only interrupted by the kids a few times here and there, mostly them wanting to show off toys or coloring pages, or Junyi had wandered in at one point seemingly just to make sure Kun was still there.

You had been adding something to your word document of notes when you realized that your house had been eerily quiet for too long. Fingertips hovering over the keys, you exchanged a suspicious look with Kun.

“Too quiet?” He asked knowingly.

“Yeah…” You frowned, setting your computer aside to get up.

Both of you treaded through your home until you got to Woobin’s bedroom. The door was open, and you were alarmed for a moment when you didn’t see either boy anywhere on the floor playing. Until you recognized two lumps under the covers of his toddler bed, Woobin and Junyi looking like they were going to sleep for the next hundred years or so.

“Oh, god, I am so sorry,” Kun shook his head, seeming about to go in there and grab his son.

You were between him and the room, however, and quickly turned the lights off and shut the door. “It’s okay, Kun. They just tuckered themselves out. That’s good.”

Latching onto his elbow, you pulled him back towards the living room, catching a glance at the time on the microwave as you went through the kitchen.

“Damn, it’s not even Binnie’s normal bedtime yet,” you chuckled.

You didn’t let go of Kun until you had pulled him back down onto the couch, and then held his (second) glass of wine back out to him pointedly. He had a fond smile as he took it from you, and you happily accepted your victory as you picked yours back up too. You left your laptop on the coffee table, shifting to entirely face Kun as you raised your glass to your lips.

Kun took a sip.

You took a sip.

“Do you want to ask me something, Y/N?” Kun scratched the back of his neck.

“Mm, sorry,” you apologized with a chuckle. “I zoned out on your face there, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, a bit,” he laughed.

“I was thinking, though.”

“What about?”

“You’re a Director of Sales…”

“Supposedly.”

“Supposedly,” you repeatedly humorously before moving on with your question. “Do you think we’ve got a good chance at getting a donor for the preschool? If our proposal is approved by the PTA on Wednesday, of course.”

You had expected some kind of business musings, or serious answer from Kun, but instead you watched with concern as his brow furrowed, his fingers drummed along his knee, and he suddenly became fidgety, shifting around in his seat. He stayed quiet, once again scratching at the back of his neck, squinting one eye closed, then the other.

“Kun?” You said his name hesitantly.

“Sorry,” he shot you a familiar, frazzled smile that reminded you of when he was getting overwhelmed at the Bake Sale booth by himself. “I uhm, I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” you reassured him. “I was just curious, it’s not life or death that you know everything all the time.”

He didn’t even seem to hear you as he stood up, setting his wine glass down on the table. The dad began pacing back and forth in front of your couch, his hands laced together behind his neck.

“I’m good at my job.”

You would’ve sworn he wasn’t talking to you, except his wide, stressed eyes snapped up to you after he said that.

“I’m not your boss. You don’t need to convince me, Kun,” you said slowly.

“I know, just— with all this, it’s stuff that I should be good at, it’s right up my alley. But it’s for Junyi, and I want to be the best dad I can be for him that I just end up jumping into doing things without actually thinking about them first because other people are telling me that’s what I need to do to be a good dad. I know how to be a good Director of Sales. I don’t know how to be a good dad.”

“You don’t need to know everything,” you reiterated strongly, hoping he actually listened this time. “I don’t know all the secrets for being a good mom. I just know how to be Woobin’s mom. You don’t need to know all the secrets to being the best dad ever. The only thing you need to worry about is being Junyi’s dad. Does that seem a bit more manageable?”

Kun’s pacing slowed to a stop in front of you, “Well, I guess.”

“So, the next time somebody is trying to sell you on some ‘Dad Thing,’ stop, breathe, and think: Is this what I, Qian Kun, as Junyi’s dad, need to do, to be?”

“Okay…” he looked at you skeptically, closing his eyes for a moment. You watched as his shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath.

“…Are you doing it right now?”

“Well how else am I supposed to decide if this is a good thing to do or not?”

You let out a hearty laugh, “No, that’s perfect, Kun, go ahead.”

He closed his eyes again, and you watched with fond amusement as his eyebrows quirked up and down with his thoughts. You took another sip of your wine before he had finished, and he opened his eyes once more, giving you a firm nod, “Okay, yes, I think that’s a thing that Junyi would need me to do.”

“Great,” you smiled at him, tilting your wine glass out to him.

He picked his back up and clinked it to yours in a little cheers. You tipped the remainder of your drink back in one go.

“Oh, that was good,” you declared. “Thanks, Kun.”

“Of course, Y/N. Thank you for inviting us.”

“Like I said, Binnie and I were both really excited to host,” you took your empty glass into the kitchen to start cleaning up. “I don’t know if this is bad, but he hasn’t really had a lot of play dates that weren’t like his cousins or something.”

“Junyi neither,” Kun admitted.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” You asked, starting to stack the plates. “Kid, and work, and family, and friends, and everything else. And then you’re supposed to be in charge of your kid’s social life too?”

You’d turned your back on him to bring the plates into the kitchen, expecting to hear his response to your question, but you were just met with silence. After depositing the dishes in the kitchen, you walked back out to the living room, alarmed to see that Kun had taken to pacing again.

Keeping a calm demeanor yourself, you kept going about your task, grabbing the charcuterie board, the last thing that needed to be tidied up. You had just started back towards the kitchen when Kun broke his silence.

“Junyi’s mother left us.”

You were so glad you had your back to Kun so he couldn’t see your rueful wince. Oh, you were so going to regret this.

Relaxing your features into a more sympathetic frown, you turned around to face him, “I’m very sorry to hear that, Kun.”

This was going to be a lot, you could sense it, so you set the charcuterie board back down on your breakfast bar.

“So just know that however hard it is for you and Woobin’s dad, it’s like ten times harder for me, and that’s why I’m always—”

You had stopped listening to him, however, your brain turning to white noise after the phrase ‘Woobin’s dad.’

“Wait, do you think I’m married?” You blurted out over him.

“Well, no, I can see that you don’t have a ring,” Kun gestured down to your hands. “But a boyfriend or another significant other. I’m doing this solo and—”

“I’m a single parent too!”

“What?” He seemed dumbfounded.

You couldn’t tell if you wanted to laugh or cry more at how ridiculous this was.

“Woobin’s dad was a one-night stand! I can’t remember the guy’s name, or what he looks like. Couldn’t find him if I wanted to. I don’t have a partner now, either. What on Earth made you think I was anything other than a single mom? You’re in my home!” You gestured around wildly to where there were multiple pictures of your family, of you and Woobin, but none of you, Woobin, and any man that could reasonably be considered his father.

“Well you’re just— you’ve got— at the meeting— you’re so put together,” Kun stammered out, his voice getting smaller and smaller. He ran a hand through his hair, “You’re not falling apart at the seams like I am.”

“Kun.” You grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping his frenzied pacing. “Look me in the eye.”

It wasn’t really like he had a choice, you were now holding his face just a couple inches from yours, but he still followed your command.

“Good,” you praised him, keeping your voice soothing. “I want you to take three deep breaths with me.”

He followed along as you inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, and finally exhaled again together.

“Alright, thank you,” your voice was still sweet and calm as you ran your hands back down to his shoulders. “Now… why the fuck do you think I am more put together than you, Qian Kun?”

“Everything,” he breathed out, hanging his head.

“God, Kun,” you sighed, seizing him by the wrist. “Come on.”

You led him into your dining room, where there was in fact a half-built LEGO set on your dining room table. But that wasn’t your goal. On the bookshelf in there, you grabbed a specific picture frame, and took it and Kun back to the living room.

Sitting down side-by-side with Kun on the couch, you held the picture out in front of the two of you. It was of you and Woobin just over three years ago now, the first night you came home from the hospital. Your mother had taken it. He was swaddled in his baby blue blanket, all chubby cheeks, and you looked dead tired, but an excited sparkle was still in your eyes as you grinned down at your son.

“Look, Kun. I used to feel like that too. All the time. Almost every day when I was pregnant,” you relayed to him.

“But not anymore?” He questioned hesitantly.

“Sometimes. But not like before. Because I realized that I’m not doing this by myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I may be a single mom, but I’m not alone, I have Binnie. And isn’t that the whole point? To be there for them? To make sure they know they’re not doing it alone either?”

Kun was quiet, his eyes still focused on the picture.

You continued, “I’m lucky enough to have my parents as a good support system, and some friends I can call up in case of emergency too. But I remember when I found out I was going to have Woobin, and I decided to keep him, I was scared of doing it by myself. Terrified, might be a better word.”

“When I came home from the hospital with him, my mom stayed with us for the first couple weeks.” You tapped the frame. “And the first night after she left, when it really was just the two of us, I was expecting this overwhelming sense of loneliness, and instead I just felt… full. I know I had all those birthing hormones in me, oxytocin and whatnot, but I looked down at him and I realized I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t ever going to be in all this because I have Binnie.”

“I’ve never thought about it like that,” Kun finally spoke again.

Thinking about your cousin’s approach to parenting, you guessed, “You’ve always thought about him as the adversary?”

“Not exactly. Junyi’s more like a tiny roommate that I have to dress and feed and keep from accidentally dying.”

“I’d love to see pizza and beer night at your place.” You joked, laughing when you managed to get a small smile out of Kun again. “Does Junyi get his in a sippy?”

“You jest, but I have poured myself two fingers of whiskey into a Winnie the Pooh sippy cup before because it was the only clean drinking vessel we had.” He rubbed at his temples, then clarified, “With the lid off.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” You patted his back, reaching across him to set the frame down on the side table by another one that was displayed there.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Kun’s eyes followed you as you sat back down, suddenly much closer than you remembered being before. Or were you just more aware of your proximity?

He patted your knee. “Seriously, that made me feel a lot better.”

“Of—” You cleared your throat to get rid of the squeak that was now in your voice. “Of course.”

Your skin tingled. Holy shit, you’d only had two glasses of wine spread across several hours, there was no way you should even be remotely buzzed. Kun was still looking at you. Were his eyes always this dark, this inviting?

God, he really was handsome. You’d always known that, thought that, since the moment you saw him in the lobby of the preschool. But something about now, having him in your home, so close, alone, you felt like you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He wet his lips seemingly instinctually, and for a moment your brain short-circuited.

“Daddy?” A small voice made both you and Kun jump in your seats. You bit your tongue in surprise, hissing in pain as you and the dad simultaneously scooted away from each other. Junyi was standing at the threshold of the living room, rubbing one of his eyes sleepily.

“Hey, buddy.” Kun waved his son over with a smile. “Is everything okay?”

Junyi walked over, stopping in front of his dad, a small pout on his face. “I woke up and didn’t see you...”

“Oh, buddy,” Kun rubbed the toddler’s back. “Sounds like it’s about time for us to go home, huh?”

You smiled at the both of them, hoping they couldn’t see how frazzled you felt through it. “Of course, it’s late. I think we’re uh, we’re all tired. Junyi, is Woobin awake?”

The boy shook his head no.

“Okay, thank you.” You stood up, grabbing the wine glasses as Kun picked his son up.

You sent them off with a quick goodbye at your front door, and let out a deep sigh of relief once you’d closed it behind them. There weren’t many dishes to take care of in the kitchen, but you still took your time scrubbing at them, then tiptoed down the hall to check in on your son. He was in fact sound asleep, and you quietly went to retire in your own room for the night.

Except once you were in your own bed, sleep didn’t find you easy. You still saw Kun whether your eyes were open or closed, and you could feel the ghost of his warm hand on your skin. You rolled over into the center of the empty expanse of your bed, burying your face in your pillow, and let out a groan. You so needed to get laid. That’s all this was, you had set aside your own needs for your family’s and as soon as you saw one attractive guy, you couldn’t function. There were more important things to focus on with Kun, like the fundraising.

And so you went to sleep with thoughts of spreadsheets, Kun’s dark eyes, numbers, Kun’s warm hands on you, fundraising pitches, and Qian Kun running through your mind.

The fundraising pitch was a hit. Yours and Kun’s PTA committee was approved at the very same meeting, and you two were made co-directors effective immediately.

Afterwards, you, Kun, Woobin, and Junyi all walked out together, and while Kun seemed to be basking in the exhilaration of success, you were shell-shocked with a harrowing realization.

“Y/N?” Kun gently touched your arm, voice tinged with concern.

You looked up at him, horrified. “I’m a PTA mom now, aren’t I?”

He seemed to be holding back his laughter as he patted your shoulder. “I think you are. My condolences. Please don’t kill me.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can dispose of my co-director so easily now.”

He was grinning at you. “Ah, didn’t realize that title came with such high protections.”

You rolled your eyes, but found your mood lifting anyway. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you mentioned that you had something exciting, but only if we got approval?”

“Right!” Kun let go of Junyi’s hand to reach into the interior pocket of his suit jacket. He retrieved a crisp cream envelope, about the size of his hand. His name was embossed on the front of it in gold lettering.

You looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “You got a wedding invite?”

“Close.” He opened the envelope, holding out the contents to you. You set Woobin down, murmuring a quiet request for him to stay by you all so you could take the card in both your hands. The front of the card had an unfamiliar crest on it, and you opened it to read the inside.

‘The United Publishing Society is honored to invite Mr. Qian Kun and a guest to their 89th Annual Benefactor Gala’

And below that was the date, time, location, and dress code. Black tie formal.

“A fancy networking event?” You questioned, handing it back to him.

“No,” he shook his head very seriously. “These are all the old industry bigwigs who want to get together without all that schmoozy networking and ladder-climbing stuff going on. You and I are probably going to be the youngest ones there by a couple decades.”

“Wait you and me?”

“Yep. ‘Mr. Qian Kun and a guest.’” He recited off the invite. “You’re my guest.”

“Uhm...”

“I happen to know that one of the guys attending is also on the board of a non-profit that donates exclusively to children’s causes. Building pediatric cancer centers, juvenile intervention centers, the whole nine. I think he’ll be our best bet for a donor.”

You narrowed your eyes suspiciously. “But you just said they want to get together without networking and all that kind of stuff. Why would we be any different?”

“It’s a charity gala, they’re already there to write checks anyway. We’re not going to be asking him for a job.”

It’s not you were exactly overflowing with any options. “When was that again?”

“What do we think?” You did a spin for your small audience of Woobin and Sooyoung. “Good enough for black tie formal?”

Tonight was the night of the gala Kun was taking you along to, and you sort of felt like you were going to throw up. And pass out. In that order. First of all, you had never been to a gala, you couldn’t remember if you had ever gone to something with a black tie formal dress code (you literally had to go out and buy this outfit), not to mention that you felt awful for having to ask your friend to babysit. But unfortunately your parents were out of town and all of your normal babysitters were busy. Sooyoung had already let you (jokingly) know that this was under duress, and that you owed her—despite turning down the money you offered her.

Sooyoung wolf-whistled at you, and you gave her a pointed look. Not the example you wanted to set for your son. Woobin looked up from his toys at the sound, and clapped for you.

“You look great, Y/N!” Your friend reassured you, and you were thankful that she reigned her mouth in around your kid. Typically, you would’ve gotten a much more explicit compliment from her. “Should be good for black tie. I mean, it’s not like you have any other option, right?”

“Right...” You groaned, turning back towards your room. “Hold on, let me put the shoes on so you can see those.”

You were sitting on your bed pulling your shoes on when you heard your doorbell ring. Your stomach dropped as you looked over at the time on your bedside clock. Shit, Kun was early. You should’ve anticipated that from the last time he was here.

“Soo! Can you get the door? I’m still putting my shoes on!” You yelled out through the apartment.

“Yep!” She called back.

You could vaguely hear the muffled voices of Sooyoung and Kun—and even Woobin at one point—but you were too focused on tugging your goddamn shoes on to care much about what they were saying. Just as you were finally standing up and straightening out your outfit, Sooyoung speedwalked into your bedroom, Woobin in her arms.

She had a smile filled with devilish delight on her face as she leaned in to whisper conspiratorially to you, “That is Kun?”

“Huh? Yeah? Unless you let some strange man into my home that I don’t know,” you replied, bewildered. “Should I have asked you to ID him?”

“I take back everything I said, you stay out as long as you want tonight. All night even,” she suggested, gesturing wildly with one hand as the other kept your toddler propped up on her hip. She pinched his cheek fondly. “BinBin and I can have a sleepover, right, buddy?”

Your son’s face lit up with delight at the prospect. “Sleepover?!”

Well aware of what your friend was implying, you did your best to regulate your outer emotions and intonation as you addressed your kid. You kept your tone kind but firm, “No, Binnie, I’m sorry.” Focusing your gaze on your friend, you added pointedly, “Nobody’s having a sleepover tonight.”

“Y/N, come on. You’ve never denied yourself the finer things in life since becoming a mom. Why are you insisting on starting now?” Sooyoung sighed.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a gala to attend. For the fundraising committee I’m on.”

Walking through your apartment, you grabbed your purse from your dining room and finally found Kun in the foyer just a few steps from the front door. He was looking at a photo you had up on the wall, his back to you, so all you could see was his brown hair and dark suit.

“Hi, Kun!” You hoped you didn’t sound out of breath as you entered the room. Judging by the sound of footsteps behind you, Sooyoung had followed you in to see you off for the night.

Kun turned around at his name, hands clasped behind his back. He was dressed rather handsomely for the night in a tux with his hair neatly parted away from his face. But it was the starstruck smile on his face that made your skin warm up as he stopped in his tracks, just looking at you.

“Kun? You good?” You coughed awkwardly, well aware of your spectators.

“Sorry, sorry. Hello, Y/N.” He blinked and shook his head, stepping forward all the way to stand in front of you.

“You’ve already met my friend Sooyoung. She’s watching Woobin tonight for me.” You gestured to the two of them.

“So you two can take as long as you need!” She piped up oh-so-helpfully.

You turned to look at her with wide, pointed eyes.

 “You know, chatting people up for your fundraising, or whatever,” she tacked on innocently.

“Thank you, SooSoo. I’ll see you later.” You pecked your son on the forehead. “Goodnight, Binnie. Remember, Mommy will be back late so Aunt SooSoo is going to put you to bed, and you and me are going to eat breakfast together, okay?”

“But Aunt SooSoo said I was having a sleepover with her?”

“Aunt SooSoo was just joking, baby. I’m sorry, no sleepovers tonight,” you informed him with a heavy heart. Sooyoung set him down, and he toddled off towards the living room. Your friend went to follow him, and you grabbed her elbow to lean in to hiss in her ear, “I hope you’re happy, you owe Binnie a sleepover now.”

“And he’ll get one,” she whispered back. “As soon as you have one of your own.”

You shot her one final glare that she just retaliated with a wink, before letting her go and striding back over to Kun, who was waiting patiently by the front door.

“Everything okay?” He asked, concern on his features.

“Yeah, just making sure she knows Binnie's bedtime and to not give him any more juice.” You offered him a reassuring smile. “All good.”

“Good. You ready, then?”

“As I’ll ever be, I guess.”

You so were not ready, it turned out. Just a few minutes after arriving, milling around and taking in the grandeur of the ballroom with Kun, you were starting to feel dizzy. Kun had already seen a couple of people that he must have known, flashing them a charismatic smile and exchanging passing greetings. You, meanwhile, felt like a weight was pressing on your chest, and inhaled deeply through your nose to try to calm down.

“Woah, are you okay, Y/N?” Kun leaned in to ask you quietly.

“Yeah, fine,” you lied through your teeth. “Why?”

“You’ve got a death grip on my arm that you didn’t have thirty seconds ago.” He patted your hand that was on his upper arm.

Looking down, you saw that his suit jacket was crumpled in your fingers, and you consciously tried to loosen your grip, but couldn’t make yourself do it. Instead, you just stared at your locked hand.

“I’m a copy editor, Kun, I don’t really go to galas on the daily, so pardon me for being a little out of my element here,” you retorted, the words cutting through the air much harsher than you had intended. Taking another deep inhale and exhale, you added a whispered, “Sorry, sorry.”

“Come on, let’s get some air, hm?”

The gala had an outdoor area devoid of other guests, presumably due to the chilly nighttime air. Kun sat you down on a stone bench outside of the main courtyard area, out of sight from the large windows of the ballroom.

The pressure on your chest was gone, and with you breathing easier, the cynical, nervous thoughts could finally take center stage in your brain.

“God, this isn’t going to work! Why did we even come out here?” You cracked your knuckles anxiously. “How do we even ask for money without just sounding like children? ‘It’s not fair!’”

“If we find the right donor—and don’t use that tone of voice—that argument is actually going to be what resonates with them,” Kun responded calmly, standing in front of you with his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “Someone that cares about the kids, not about investing in an institution or whatever, will be moved by the fact that the preschool is being neglected financially.”

You chewed on the bottom of your lip. “Well damn, when you put it like that, I may just believe that you’re a Director of Sales, Qian Kun.”

“I thought the business card had convinced you.”

“Anybody can order a business card that says whatever they want.”

“That would’ve been extensive planning on my part.”

“Hey, you could’ve had it on hand to pick up women. There’s guys that do that.”

He seemed genuinely put-off and bewildered. “Wait really? That’s… That is just… loser behavior.”

“Though the fax number did point to it being real,” you continued, finally cracking a smile. “Dudes doing pick-up probably think it makes them look dorky.”

“What? People aren’t sexting via fax these days?” Kun joked, a grin tugging at his lips.

You were laughing too hard—and thus trying to quiet down your laughter—to respond to him, giving him the perfect leeway to continue. “What would you even call that? Saxing? Sexing?”

You were dizzy again, but this time it was light-headedness from laughing too hard, quite literally slapping your knee as you tried to calm yourself down.

Kun was chuckling as well, sliding in to sit next to you. “I take offense at the sentiment that fax machines are lame, by the way. I’ll have you know that’s my personal fax line on my business card. Not everyone gets their own.”

Finally having enough wits about you to form sentences again, you sat up straight to look him in the eye as you clarified, “Hey, I was saying that loser dudes who make fake business cards think that fax machines are lame. I think men with fax machines are sexy, especially personal fax lines.”

You went to nudge his shoulder teasingly, caught off-guard as you realized just how close he was to you. Even closer than the night on your couch, his dark eyes settling on your face, unabashedly drinking you in. Your breath hitched in your throat as you were suddenly surrounded by the intoxicating smell of his cologne. The cold air made the hair on your bare arms stand up—or maybe it was something else—and you found yourself pressing forward even closer towards Kun’s warmth.

“Y/N,” he murmured your name quietly. “Are you cold? We can go back inside.”

“No, just…” you took a deep breath, scooting in even closer to him, until you were pressed up side-to-side. “Stay right here? You’re warm.”

He uncertainly wrapped his arm around you. “Sure, sure. Of course.”

“And… Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, yeah.”

“I wasn’t crazy, right? On the couch the other night… Did you want to kiss me, too?”

“You-You wanted to kiss me?”

“I’m uh, a bit rusty at this kind of thing,” you admitted, your skin burning. “But I’m not completely imagining that there’s… something here, right, Kun?”

“You wanted to kiss me?” He repeated like a broken record.

You lightly snapped your fingers in front of his face. “Kun? My question? Or have I officially lost it, and this is like… going to make everything awkward for the fundraising committee?”

“No, no, I-I do—did want to kiss you. I thought I was making you uncomfortable,” he stumbled over his words sheepishly. “I’m uhm… also pretty rusty with this stuff.”

“You do want to kiss me? Or you did want to kiss me, past tense?” You clarified.

“Both! Uhm, I did, that night on the couch, and I still do, now…” He confessed weakly.

“Is there any reason that you shouldn’t? Like, is there somebody…?”

“No, there isn’t. Not at all.” Kun gulped. “What about you?”

“Nope, nobody, and Qian Kun, if you continue to talk about kissing me without actually doing anything, I might actually lose my mind,” you whispered, feeling hot, embarrassed, desperate tears pricking at the edges of your eyes.

“God, sorry.” He cupped your cheek, turning your head and tilting your chin to be able to perfectly slot his lips with yours. The arm that was already wrapped around you just pulled you closer to him, as one of your hands grabbed the lapel of his suit jacket. You let out an embarrassing whimper as soon as his mouth meshed with yours, and he murmured another hushed ‘sorry’ against your lips. If he hadn’t just told you that he was rusty, you wouldn’t have had any idea as your head spun, your heart beat out of your chest wildly like a cartoon, and you were definitely crying tears of relief into what you were seriously considering quite possibly your best kiss ever.

It was your turn to mutter an apology as your tears turned the kiss salty, but as you pulled back to do just that, you saw the glistening of Kun’s eyes in the champagne tinted light filtering out from the ballroom, turning his tears golden as they slipped down his cheeks. Instead, you just pressed your forehead to his in silent understanding, looping your arm around his neck to hold him even closer, if that was possible.

PART II: you got my heartbeat to play to your time

Spotting Kun in the lobby of the preschool, you immediately lit up and rushed to sit down beside him on one of the benches. He offered you a tired smile and peck on the cheek in greeting, scooting to make room for you.

“Brr, it’s fucking freezing out there,” you shuddered, grabbing his hand to press it against the cold tip of your nose. “That’s just from the 30-second walk from the parking lot to here! Are you two going to survive the walk home? You sure you don’t want me to drive you? Well, I don’t have another carseat for Junyi, but he could sit on your lap in the backseat, I think? Better than freezing to death, right?”

“We’ll be okay, Y/N,” Kun reassured you, patting your leg before resting his hand there. “Thank you though, love.”

The subject of the cold suddenly made you remember something else, and you perked up, “Oh, Woobin and I were at the store yesterday and he needed new gloves, and I saw that bun’s were getting a little worn out when we went out last weekend too—”

“Whose?” Kun asked, furrowing his brows.

“Junyi’s. Look.” You held up the pair that matched Woobin’s, save for the pattern, which had little bunnies on them instead of whales. “Aren’t they adorable? God, I just love their tiny hands. I’ll return them if this is weird and I overstepped a line though. I tried to call you to see if this was okay, but the store was just a dead zone, and I couldn’t get a signal.”

A sheepish smile punctuated the end of your nervous rambling. You and Kun hadn’t been dating for very long, just a few months, and you were still getting a feel for boundaries when it came to your relationship with each other and each other’s kids. You’d just started spending the night at each other’s houses with both kids there—already a big step, in your opinion. Taking the initiative on buying Junyi a new pair of gloves had seemed perfectly natural when the thought came to you, but you didn’t want it to feel like you were rushing things to Kun, or taking a place that wasn’t yours to take—and hadn’t been offered to you—in Junyi’s life.

“Oh, no, Y/N, these are perfect, thank you.” He accepted them, a genuine, grateful smile on his face as he tucked them away in his jacket pocket, then squeezed both of your hands. “Junyi will love them. He did need new gloves; I just hadn’t made it out to the store yet.”

“Then what is making you make that face?”

“Since when has Junyi been a bunny?”

“Were you not intentionally buying him a bunch of bunny-patterned stuff?” You questioned, tilting your head.

“Huh?”

“His backpack, his stuffie that he brings to school, his pajamas that he wore at my place last weekend, and I’ve seen him in like at least three different bunny t-shirts. I thought the theming was intentional.”

Kun took a long, slow blink. “Oh… it was not.”

“Kun… are bunnies your favorite animal?” You teased.

“No! I think…?”

“God, long day at work?” You surmised, stroking the back of his head soothingly.

He leaned into your touch, letting out a disgruntled groan, “Long week. Scratch that, long month.”

“Mm, anything I can do to help?”

“Unless you can clone me, or stop time…”

“Okay, new question: Anything I can do to make you more comfortable? Even just something small?”

“Can you and Woobin come over tonight? I know we weren’t planning on it, but—”

“Yes, Kun, we can come over tonight,” you agreed, using your free hand to grab one of his.

“Thank you,” he sighed, squeezing your hand back.

The door to the boys’ classroom opened then, and you nudged Kun’s shoulder with yours. He nodded, the two of you standing up together. As soon as you stepped foot into the classroom, your shins were knocked into by one small body, then another.

“Oh, hey bun! Hey bubbles!” You greeted the kids, wobbling a bit as they had each latched onto one of your legs.

Kun, who had caught you by the elbow to steady you, was looking at the three of you with that same tired but heartfelt smile, “Guys, am I just chopped liver?”

Junyi squinted up at his dad curiously, “What’s liver?”

“Yeah, what’s liver, Mr. Kun?” Woobin echoed.

“He means he wants a hug too, boys,” you explained. “And he’s been working really hard, so I think he should get a really big one.”

They immediately detached themselves from you to throw their little arms around Kun’s legs instead.

“You should ask for one next time, Mr. Kun!”

“Yeah, Daddy! Instead of talkin’ about liver and stuff.”

“Yeah, Mr. Kun, just ask for one next time,” you repeated teasingly.

Kun looked at the two kids with that same fond, resigned smile. “Right, my bad, boys. I will just ask for one when I need one next time.”

As the kids hug-attacked Kun, you went over to their forgotten cubbies to pick up their respective whale and bunny backpacks, giving Ms. Xu and Mrs. Chen friendly waves of acknowledgement. When you returned, Kun had managed to get a kid under each arm, both toddlers giggling as they were held like sacks of potatoes.

“Are you carrying them out like that?” You asked with a tilted head.

“Maybe,” Kun joked. “It’s a good arm workout.”

“Yeah, for all three of you,” you referred to how the boys were clinging onto his forearms against gravity as well.

“Mm, the idea of buff three-year-olds terrifies me,” he declared, lowering the kids. “Alright, time to let go, guys.”

You reached into Junyi’s backpack to secure the little tiny puffer jacket that was inside, “It’s a bit chilly out, bun-bun, and you and your dad are walking home, so come on, you’re putting your coat on.”

“Okay,” he stuck his arms out for you to help put it on him.

“Oh,” Kun pulled the new pair of gloves out of his own pocket, showing them off to his son. “Look, buddy. Ms. Y/N got you a new pair of gloves.”

“Oh wow, thank you!” He beamed up at you.

“You’re welcome,” you grinned back, kneeling down in front of him to zip up the jacket for him. “Woobin has a pair just like it but with whales, so you two can match next time he wears his.”

Woobin looked down at his bare hands with a thoughtful frown. “Where are my gloves, Mommy?”

“They’re probably in your backpack, baby. You and I are driving home so you don’t have to put them on if you don’t want to, because your hands won’t be getting cold outside like Junyi’s.”

“Oh. I want to put them on, please.”

“Here, I’ll get them,” Kun unzipped the backpack that was on your shoulder and began rooting through it.

“Thank you.” You murmured. As he got the gloves and helped Woobin put them on, you went over the plans for the rest of the night with your son, “We’re going to go home and get a few things, and then we’re going to Mr. Kun and Junyi’s house for a sleepover, okay?”

“Okay!”

Kun had finished tugging on the gloves then, “There you go, Bin.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kun!” Woobin chirped, then reached out for the other toddler. “Junyi, we match!”

“We match!” Junyi giggled back, grabbing Woobin's whale-patterned hand with his own bunny-patterned one.

You stood up, covering your mouth in delight as you whispered to Kun, “I’m literally going to cry.”

“Way ahead of you,” he whispered back, and when you looked over, you did in fact see a single tear rolling down one of his cheeks.

“Oh, oh my God, Kun.” You wiped it away with your thumb. “What’s—”

“Talk later?”

“Okay, yeah,” you nodded, looking around at the fact that you were still very much in the boys’ classroom, and had other things to do. “Right, of course. Talk later.”

Kun reached up to grab your hand that had wiped the tear away, squeezing it and offering you a smile. He dried his eyes with the sleeve of his other hand, then called for the kids, “Come on, boys. We’ve got to go. You’ll see each other in just a bit.”

Getting Woobin packed up to spend the night at Kun and Junyi’s was easy, and so was getting the two of them fed once you were there. The difficult part was getting even a single second of semi-private time with Kun to actually talk. The two boys wanted to include both of you in every single thing they did tonight, which was typically endearing, but the exhaustion that plagued Kun’s features the while time still concerned you. It wasn’t until they were finally asleep in Junyi’s room, and you and Kun had cleaned up from dinner, that you finally had an opportunity.

He pulled you over to the couch, and you sat down, expecting one of your normal grown-up, mature, face-to-face talks to happen now. You’d had a few already, about your expectations when you started dating, about the first time you spent the night at the other’s house like this, whenever there was any need to clear the air. Both you and Kun agreed that you were both at the point in your life where you couldn’t deal with the kind of tip-toeing uncertainty of young relationships, you needed something serious, with open, honest communication, especially around the kids.

But instead, Kun practically collapsed on top of you, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your middle. You cradled his head close to you, running a hand through his hair and stroking a thumb over his cheekbone.

“What’s wrong, Kun?” You murmured. “You seem… drained.”

“I am,” he admitted plainly, defeat in his tone. “Just absolutely… fucking dead.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, love,” you replied quietly.

“But you were such a big help today, thank you.”

“I don’t know how bringing another toddler into your home helped with that, but okay,” you said skeptically, still playing with his hair.

“Having a second set of hands to help with dinnertime, and play time, and bathtime, and bedtime…” His chest heaved with another big sigh. “And just having you around… makes everything easier.”

He reached up to grab one of your hands, lacing his fingers with yours. The grip he had made you think he wasn’t planning on letting go anytime soon. “I don’t want you to leave, Y/N.”

“Kun, I’ll stay for as long as you need me to,” you promised. “A couple nights, a week, whatever you need. Life is hard, especially trying to do everything on your own. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so how about you take the boys out and I’ll tidy up around here, okay?”

“Forever?”

“What?”

“Will you stay forever?”

You stared down at your interlocked hands, the one in his hair stilling. “Are you asking…”

“You said you’d stay however long I need you to. I always need you with me, Y/N. Will you two move in with us?” Kun asked, placing a couple of long kisses to your hand. “Or we can get a new place. I just… can’t imagine having to do this without you. Both of you. All four of us.”

You hummed, your hand resuming its ministrations in his locks. “We’ll probably need a new place… but yes, Kun. We’ll move in with you.”

He quickly kissed his way up your arm to your neck and face, until he was hovering above you, a breathless smile on his features. “Really?”

“I’ll need to talk to Binnie…” You warned. “And like I just said, we’ll probably need to look for a new place, since the boys are used to having their own rooms and we can afford it combined. It won’t be instantaneous, but yes… we can start planning it.”

Then Kun was showering your face in kisses, and you giggled, cupping his face fondly.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you too, Kun,” you pulled him into a soft peck, before his raining kisses started going even lower, below your jaw, your neck, your collarbones. When his hand slipped under your shirt, you looked at him suspiciously. “Hey… I thought you were absolutely fucking dead?”

“Mysterious second wind,” his words were muffled against your skin, but you could feel the sly smirk on his lips.

“Alright, well do you think this second wind can at least be moved into your bedroom?”

“Y/N, five weeks?!” Kun exclaimed, making you immediately slap a hand over his mouth and look over your shoulder at the two freshly-washed four-year-old boys sitting down to enjoy their post-bathtime show.

“Keep your voice down!” You chastised him in a harsh whisper. The living room was open to the kitchen in your new place, where you and Kun were huddled having your fervent back and forth at the moment. You’d just so very casually dropped the fact that your period had been five weeks late, at perhaps not the most opportune time, washing the dishes, but really you hadn’t meant for it to be a huge deal.

After you took your hand off his mouth, he replied back much more quietly, “Sorry, I’m not upset with you, love, I’m surprised. Why haven’t you taken a test?”

“With work and both the boys’ birthdays, then them starting VPK, I just haven’t had time to go get one.”

“Let’s go get one now then.”

“What, a family trip to the corner store to buy a pregnancy test?” You snorted at the idea, holding a dry plate out to Kun to put away.

He didn’t take the plate, staring at you as he repeated, “Family?”

“You know what I meant…” You whined, putting the dish down on the counter and covering your face in embarrassment. That was the first time either of you had referred to the four of you as one family unit.

He wrapped his arms around you, letting you bury your face in his chest. “I don’t think you even know what you meant, lovey.”

“Ugh, you’re right.” Your brain was way too scrambled at the moment, preoccupied with trying extremely hard to not think about what being late could possibly mean, what a test could possibly say.

“I’m serious, come on. We’ll buy the boys some ice cream, they’ll be none the wiser.”

“Fine, I need to put some real pants on,” you pushed off his chest, gesturing to the dingy sleep shorts were you in. “Can you—”

“Get the boys’ shoes on. On it.” He nodded firmly.

“Thank you, my love.”

“Kun, I can’t pee with you grinning at me like that. It’s weird.”

With Woobin and Junyi preoccupied with their character popsicles and a movie in the living room, you and Kun were in the small hallway bathroom closest to the living room. It also happened to be the boys’ shared bathroom, the walls covered in vinyl, removable stickers of cartoon characters smiling down at you as unnervingly as Kun was currently. It was far too many eyes for what you were doing, peeing on a drugstore pregnancy test.

“Sorry, sorry,” your boyfriend apologized, diverting his eyes and covering his mouth, though he was clearly still beaming into his hand.

Finally done with that part of the test, you set it atop the box that was sitting on the bathroom counter, washing your hands and dropping back down onto the toilet seat.

“And now we wait,” you declared with a heavy chest.

“Okay.” Kun nodded resolutely, allowing his eyes to return to you now that you’d spoken again, still absolutely glittering in the harsh fluorescents.

“Now would be a good time to talk, about if that’s a plus. You’re still grinning like a maniac, so I have a guess as to what you’re about to say.”

He sighed almost dreamily as he looked up at you, resting his cheek in his hand. “You’re just… the most beautiful woman in the world to me, right now. And I love you, so much.”

“This, me sitting on the toilet in our tiny hallway bathroom, having just peed on a stick in front of you,” you pointed between the two of you, “is one of the least romantic situations I think we’ve ever been in. But, I love you too, you weirdo.”

“That wasn’t my answer, by the way. You go first, you’d be the one carrying any baby of ours, after all.”

“After Woobin, I told myself that if I had another, I’d do it…” You trailed off as you fumbled around for the right word.

“Right?” Kun supplemented hesitantly.

“No, no, I don’t think Woobin was wrong. That’s one thesaurus entry away from ‘mistake,’ as cheesy as that might sound. But, I told myself that I’d do my next one different. I’d be married to someone, we’d have planned the pregnancy over multiple conversations, talked about kids before we even got married in the first place, I’d have talked to Binnie about it, made sure he had the emotional space for a little sibling, too.”

“And we haven’t even talked about getting married…” He breathed out in realization.

You narrowed your eyes. “Qian Kun, do you think for even a second, that I would be with you if I didn’t think that I could marry you one day? After everything you’ve learned about me? After that whole toilet bowl confessional I just gave literally ten seconds ago? Consider this the marriage talk warning. It’s coming, and when it does, I expect you to bring notes.”

“Good point, I’m sorry for doubting you, lovey. I eagerly await the marriage talks, and I’ll make sure to do my research ahead of time.”

“Good.”

“So that’s how you want to do it. What about if that test is positive? Right now?” He returned you to the present, his voice gentle, as you were reminded of the very real, very possible, tangible now that you were being faced with.

You let your head drop forward into your hands as you tried to pick apart the tangled ball that was your thoughts and feelings. Thinking back to when you were doing this by yourself the first time in your workplace bathroom, when you found out you were pregnant with Binnie… you distantly remembered how you felt when you saw that double line, that positive result. There was definitely anxiety, yes, but more than that you remembered an excitement bubbling up and overflowing on top of that the longer that it registered.

This time, you weren’t feeling any of that. Not because you didn’t love the idea of having a child with Kun, but… it just wouldn’t be the right time. The two of you had only recently moved in together, you were still getting used to enmeshing your two—or, four—separate lives into one, you hadn’t even been together for a year, Woobin and Junyi hadn’t been consulted whatsoever, not to mention they had just started VPK and would be going into primary school next year; Kun had just gotten a promotion at work, yes, but you had your eye on your own possible promotion, too. It just… wasn’t right. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you finally looked up at Kun sitting across from you in the narrow space of the hallway bathroom. You could feel the tears gathering in your eyes, his image immediately swimming in your vision.

“Oh, hey, come here, lovey,” he gently ushered you down from your perch on the toilet seat cover onto the ground with him. He settled you in between his legs, wrapping his arms around you, “Sad cry or scary cry?”

You had the urge to smack his arm for treating you like one of the kids, but unfortunately, it was a really good communication tool.

“Goddamn,” you wept against his shirt, clinging onto him. “I don’t know, Kun. I don’t fucking know. It’s not a happy cry, though. And I don’t think that any kid should be brought into the world if their mom isn’t happy at the thought of them.”

He rubbed a hand up and down your back, not faltering for a moment as you spoke. When you were done, he started, “Look, Y/N. I’ll admit, the idea of having a baby with you kind of sent me to the stratosphere there for a second. But, I think that a baby is something that needs to be two enthusiastic yeses, or it’s a no. And you…” he pulled your face out of the crook of his neck to be able to look you in the eye. “Are clearly not enthusiastic nor a yes. So I’m not either. Okay?”

You sniffled, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated, wiping at your tears. “Now, I think it’s been plenty of time. Are you ready to look at the test?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kun stretched his arm out, fumbling along the top of the bathroom counter until he had secured the test in his hand. You turned in his arms, fully leaned against him, your back to his chest as he flipped the stick over for you two to read the results together.

Negative.

And you were crying again, but this time you knew that they were tears of relief.

“Oh, thank God,” you whispered, holding a hand over your mouth. “Oh… oh my God.”

“There we go,” Kun murmured, holding you to him by an arm slung over your waist. “Now, call me crazy, but I think we just manifested that negative pregnancy test result.”

You let out a choked laugh, “Would it be manifesting a negative or un-manifesting a positive?”

“Good question.”

He held a foot out until he could reach the step opener of the trash can, tossing the test into it. You sat there with him for who knows how much longer, until the cold of the tile finally seeped through your clothes, and your joints were aching from being curled up on your bathroom floor for so long.

“Oh shit, the boys are all by themselves in the living room,” you mumbled, beginning to detangle yourself from Kun.

“I’ll clean up in here. You get into some pajamas and then go see them, okay? They’ve been the normal amount of quiet, I think the movie’s got them sufficiently occupied, so take your time. I’ll be right behind you.” He reassured you, standing up after you did, and keeping a hand on the small of your back as you went to wash your hands again.

The remnants of the pregnancy test packaging were on the counter, not to mention the general disarray from your breakdown, and the fact that you hadn’t tidied up from the boys’ bathtime earlier that night either. When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you could see that you weren’t in much better shape than the bathroom.

“Okay, yeah. Thank you, Kun.” Your voice wasn’t any louder than a whisper, and it didn’t need to be in the small, quiet space.

He pressed a long kiss to your temple before you left for your bedroom to change out of the clothes that you’d gone to the convenience store in. Putting on the comfiest pajamas you could find, you then shuffled out to the living room, which you were glad to see was in one piece. Tension you didn’t even realize you were carrying released from your shoulders when your eyes fell on the two kids sat on the couch, their attention glued to the screen.

You weren’t sure how long you had been standing there before Woobin finally turned his head to look at you. “Oh hi Mommy!”

“Hi, Ms. Y/N!”

“Hi, boys, can I join you?” You asked.

“Well, yeah!” Junyi said in the most ‘duh!’ tone you’d ever heard a four-year-old imitate. He patted the open space between the two of them. “We saved you a spot here.”

“Oh, thank you.” You sat down exactly where he had gestured, tucking your feet underneath you. Woobin immediately clambered onto your lap, and Junyi scooted in to snuggle into your other side.

“And when Daddy gets here, his spot is over here,” Junyi pointed to the remaining space between him and the arm of the couch. “And he can put the blanket on all of us.”

“Right, of course, bun,” you nodded, wrapping your arms around the two boys to hold them even closer to you.

Woobin touched a hand to your cheek, “Mommy, you’re crying. Sad cry, scary cry, or boo-boo cry?”

“Oh, no, baby, it's a happy cry,” you assured him, wiping at the couple of tears that had eked out again with your sleeve. “It’s because I love you all so much.”

“Happy cry,” he repeated, as if committing the term to memory.

Kun joined the three of you a few minutes later, sliding into his assigned seat and pulling a blanket over the four of you. Mindful of the child in between you two, you rested your head on his shoulder.

Against your instincts, you shut the front door quietly behind you as you came home that night. You’d gotten caught up at work with a deadline suddenly being moved up. You plopped your purse onto the kitchen table next to the huge LEGO set that you’d started with the boys last weekend as Kun got up from the couch to greet you. He was already in his pajamas, a stark contrast to the office wear you were still in.

“Hey, lovey,” he pecked your cheek, letting you snake both your arms around his waist and hold him closer. “How was work?”

You let out a low, exhausted groan into his shoulder. “Long. If I ever have to read another word again in my life, it’ll be too soon.”

“Then you’ll be very happy to hear that I already read the boys a bedtime story.”

“Shit, am I that late?” You sighed. “I know I told you I’d probably miss dinner but I didn’t mean for you to do bedtime all by yourself, too.”

“It’s okay, I know you would’ve been here if you could. The three of us managed for one night.”

“How was everything? Were they good for you?”

“Absolute angels.”

You lifted your head up to shoot him a disbelieving look. “Our sons? Are you sure you’ve got the right kids in there?”

Kun chuckled, planting a kiss on your lips this time. “You know us too well. Only convinced them to get in bed with bribery.”

“Great, what did you promise them? Extra hour of TV this weekend? Kun, please do not tell me you promised a new toy or—”

“Woah, woah, who do you think I am?” He snorted, clearly offended. “I just had to promise that you’d give them their goodnight kiss when you got home. They were very concerned about going to sleep without one.”

Relief immediately flooded your system, along with a warm fondness. “Oh, good. I’ll go hold up our end, then.”

“Before you do,” Kun held you by the waist to keep you from walking away yet. He lowered his voice, tone turning serious. “Woobin was asking for you before lights-out. Not just for his goodnight kiss, but he wouldn’t tell me what was going on. I have a feeling he might still be up when you go in.”

You nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, I’ll pop into his room second. Thanks for the heads-up.”

With a final pat on the cheek, you left Kun’s warm embrace and treaded down the hall that contained the boys’ bedrooms and shared bathroom. You slowly opened the door to Junyi’s room first. The room was pitch black save for the dwindling light from his glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars, and you crept up to his bedside. Just able to see the faint outline of him under his covers, you gently brushed away some of his hair and laid a soft kiss on his forehead.

“Night, bun-bun,” you murmured, then kissed his pudgy little cheek one more time before standing up. He didn’t stir, his breathing remained peaceful and as you ducked back out you closed the door even more quietly than you had opened it.

As soon as you pushed the door to Woobin’s room open, you knew he was awake. He was in a phase of sleeping with a night-light on, meaning that you could immediately see his eyes staring at you.

“Hi, Mommy,” he deadpanned, hands folded together over his stomach.

You entered the room, shutting the door behind you. “Hi, baby. What are you still doing up?”

He squirmed a little under the covers, refusing to meet your eyes as you came to sit on his mattress next to him. “Waiting for my goodnight kiss.”

“Oh, you could’ve gone to sleep,” you reassured him, moving his bangs out of the way of his forehead. “Mommy would’ve still come and given you your goodnight kiss.”

He was silent as you leaned down to smooch his forehead. Pulling back, you asked, “Is that all, Binnie?”

Woobin mumbled something that you couldn’t quite make out.

“I’m sorry, could you say that again for me? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I want to say something, but it’s after my bedtime…”

“Don’t worry, baby. I want to hear what you have to say. You can say it now.”

“I don’t want Junyi to be mad at me.”

“Why do you think Junyi would be mad at you?”

“You can’t tell them!” He suddenly exclaimed, pleading and desperate.

“Tell who? Junyi and Mr. Kun?” You asked, brow furrowing with confusion.

He nodded fervently, panic on his features.

“You remember our rules about sharing things?”

“If it’s about safety or respect, we all have to know,” he recited mournfully. “It’s not! I promise! I think…”

“How about you tell me, and I’ll tell you if it’s something we should tell everyone. I won’t get mad, and you and me can talk about it for as long as you want first. Does that sound okay?”

“Okay…”

“Whenever you’re ready,” you said soothingly, watching him take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

“I-I want to call Mr. Kun ‘Daddy.’”

You couldn’t help but smile widely at him, taking your son’s hand in yours. “That’s wonderful, baby. I think it would make Mr. Kun really happy that you want to.”

“But that’s what Junyi calls him…”

“And you think it would upset Junyi if you called him the same thing?”

“Yeah,” he sniffled.

“That’s very considerate, Binnie,” you told him proudly.

“Are you going to tell them?”

“No, not if you don’t want me to,” you shook your head. “But I think that it would be a good idea for you, Junyi, and Mr. Kun to all talk about this together. When you’re ready.”

Woobin sniffled again, and you leaned over to hug your boy. He immediately threw his arms around your neck, burying his wet face in the collar of your blouse.

When you finally left his room after watching him fall asleep with your own two eyes, you found Kun reclined in your bed, bedside lamp on as he read a book.

“Is Woobin alright?” Kun flipped his book shut and set it aside.

You shimmied out of your work clothes. “Yeah, he’s okay. Just… needed Mom before bed.”

He nodded, watching as you pulled sleep clothes on and shuffled over to the bathroom. “Mm, of course. Mr. Kun wasn’t enough…” He sighed dramatically, making you lean your head back out to glare at him, toothbrush hanging out of your mouth.

“Shut up,” you grumbled after spitting your toothpaste out and flicking the bathroom light off. You plopped into bed, snuggling up to your pillow and closing your eyes. “He loves you, you know that.”

The sound of the bedside lamp clicking off rang through your room before you felt the sheets shift around and Kun scoot closer to you.

“I know, I’m just not ‘Mom,’” he mused, grabbing your hands to tug you toward him.

You obliged, rolling over to face him and rest your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead, still holding your hands against his chest.

“Goodnight, my love,” you breathed out, “Thank you again for handling them alone tonight.”

“Goodnight, lovey.” He rubbed soothing circles into the palm of your hand with his thumb.

As you watched Kun alternate between pushing Woobin and Junyi on the swingset, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. It was peaceful afternoons like these that you treasured the most. You recognized a few more figures that were approaching the playground, waving to Johnny and Jaehyun in the distance as Mark and Sungchan immediately ran up to your two boys. The three dads all chatted as the four kids took off from the swingset at full speed towards the slides. You were on a bench a little further from the playset, and had no qualms about sitting and resting when you got the chance.

The playground was within walking distance of yours and Kun’s house, and right by the school, so it wasn’t a total shock to see some of your kids’ classmates there. You watched with amusement as all three of the adults perked up like meerkats towards the kids, who were now lined up at the monkey bars. Mark was first up, and must have been asking for help, as Johnny yelled out a ‘just a sec, champ!’ before gesturing between the three dads and all the kids clambering for their turn.

Apparently, Johnny and Jaehyun had decided it was their turn to help all four kids with the bars, as Kun lumbered over to plop down next to you at the picnic table.

“Thank God they showed up, I don’t know if I have it left in me to carry them back and forth across the monkey bars for the next hour,” Kun grunted, dropping his head down to rest on your shoulder.

You snickered, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as you watched all the children play. Woobin was the littlest, needing Jaehyun’s help all the way across the bars. The dad still gave him as enthusiastic of a double high-five as he gave Junyi after him, who was able to do a couple by himself after getting hoisted up there.

“Woobin wants to call you Dad, you know,” you blurted out in the quietness that had fallen between you and Kun.

Kun lifted his head up to look at you with wide eyes. “He does?”

“Yeah, he told me the other day. But he thinks Junyi will be mad at him.”

“Ohh…” He breathed out, nodding slowly.

“I would’ve said something to you, but he asked me not to tell you and Junyi at first. We had another conversation about it this morning, and he finally agreed that I could talk to you about it at least,” you explained. “I told him that you three should all talk. I think he’s really, really scared of making Junyi upset. They’re such good friends, you know?”

You looked on with fondness as the gaggle of kids around the monkey bars took off at a run away from Johnny and Jaehyun, apparently playing some kind of tag or hide and seek now. Woobin and Junyi were running off together hand-in-hand, giggling and cackling with laughter as Johnny mimicked chasing after them.

Kun ran a knuckle up and down your arm, trailing his hand down until he could lace his fingers with yours. “I know, sometimes I look at them and I think it’s like they’re… brothers.”

“Mm, yeah,” you hummed noncommittally. Finally taking your eyes off the playground, you turned to face him fully, covering his hand with both of yours. “Kun, with all this… it makes me really happy, you and Junyi make me really happy, and all four of us being together. But, I don’t— I’m not trying to replace Junyi’s mom. Despite what she did, he’s already had one, whatever memories he’s got of her. I want to be whatever he wants me to be. So, I’m perfectly content to be ‘Ms. Y/N’ for the rest of my life.”

“I asked him the other day, if he remembered his mom at all,” he admitted quietly.

“W-Why?”

“Morbid curiosity, I guess. He was so young, I wasn’t sure if he would. Funny thing was, he told me yes. So I asked what he remembered about her. And he just looked at me with the most confused expression I think I’ve ever seen him have and he goes ‘She picked me up from school today.’”

“Oh, oh my God,” you let out a choked chuckle, a lump growing in your throat.

“You picked him up from school that day, Y/N,” Kun said pointedly, poking you in the arm for emphasis.

“Yeah, I had guessed that,” you spluttered out, a wide, beaming smile on your face as you replayed those words in your mind over and over again.

“So it seems like, to me, you’re the only one with hang-ups about this, lovey.”

“I’m gonna fucking cry— no, scratch that, I already am,” you sniffled, wiping at your eyes with one of your hands.

“Sad cry, scary cry, boo-boo cry, or happy cry?” Kun asked teasingly, thumb wiping away one of your tears.

“Happy cry,” you answered, despite the fact that he definitely already knew. “So happy. I love you so much, both of you.”

“Junyi!” The distant voice of Johnny called out, chastising.

Both you and Kun snapped your heads up to look, only to see said child running at you full-speed.

“Woobin! Let your parents…” Jaehyun trailed off in defeat as a second small body hurtled towards you. “Sorry! We tried to let you guys have a moment…”

“It’s alright!” Kun called back to them as the two boys finally made it to you.

You lifted Junyi up onto the bench next to you with no hesitation, and Kun plopped Woobin onto his lap, his little legs reaching into yours. Junyi sat himself down on one of your legs, facing you with the most worried, intense gaze on his face.

“Are you okay, Ms. Y/N?!” He wiped at your wet cheeks. “What happened?”

“Nothing, hunny-bun,” you promised, holding both of his little hands and dropping loud smooches to them. “Happy tears, they’re happy tears. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Because you love us so much?” Woobin asked, supplying the last reason you’d given him for your happy tears.

“Yeah, always, bubbles,” you grabbed his head to be able to press a kiss to his forehead. “Always love you guys so much.”

“Why does it make you cry?”

“Because I have so much love inside me for all of you that sometimes it feels like I could just… burst!” You said with enough of a sing-song-y inflection that it made the two kids giggle, especially when you mimicked an explosion with your hands. “So instead of spontaneously exploding, it comes out as tears sometimes. Tears aren’t bad, Binnie, remember?”

“I know, Mommy,” he nodded dutifully.

Kun spoke up then, “I think we should all talk about what was making your mom so happy this time, boys.”

Junyi looked at his dad with alarm. “What? Bin and I didn’t do anything! We’re not in trouble, right?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Woobin pouted. “Junyi—”

“No, you’re not in trouble,” Kun hushed them gently. “I just said it was making your mom happy. What about you two getting in trouble would make your mom happy?”

“Oh.”

“I mean, it’s about what you two want to call us.”

You were still cradling Woobin’s head, and stroked over his hair reassuringly. “It’s okay, Binnie. Tell them what you told me.”

“I-I want to call Mr. Kun ‘Daddy,’” he mumbled, looking down intently at his lap. “But I don’t have to if it’s going to make you sad, Junyi!”

Junyi listened to Woobin, face turning entirely confused. “But he is your dad! Why wouldn’t you call him that?” He turned his bewildered look to you next. “And you’re our mom, right?!”

“Of course I am, bun-bun,” you smiled at him. “Binnie just needs to know if it’s going to make you upset for both of you to call your dad the same thing.”

“No, Bin, s’not gonna make me sad,” Junyi said strongly. “Will it make you sad if we call her the same thing?”

Woobin sniffled and looked up, finally displaying his teary eyes to everybody. He shook his head, and you felt relief blossom out through every part of you. Kun squeezed him tightly.

“Bub, sad cry, scary cry, or happy cry?” Kun asked him.

The child took several deep breaths before he finally answered. “I-I think it was scary first, but now it’s a happy cry, Daddy. Like Mommy does.”

Kun let out a strangled chuckle as he hugged Woobin even tighter to him, planting a kiss to his temple. “That’s okay, bub. Look at you, big kid with big feelings.”

“Daddy’s crying too!” Junyi gasped. “Is it happy crying, Daddy?”

“Yeah, buddy, it is,” he confirmed, cheeks noticeably damp.

Junyi felt at his own dry eyes. “Why am I not happy crying? Mommy, why am I not happy crying? ‘M happy! I am!”

“Oh, bunny, it’s okay,” you couldn’t help but laugh, rubbing his back affectionately. “You don’t have to cry to be really happy. Sometimes you’ll be really, really happy, the happiest you’ve ever been, and you won’t cry. Everybody’s different.”

“I do.”

“I do!” Sooyoung squealed.

The officiant’s remaining words were drowned out by the crowd erupting into cheers as Sooyoung was dipped into a kiss by her now-wife. You clapped from your place behind her as her maid-of-honor, your cheeks already hurting from all the smiling you’d been doing that day.

As they practically ran back down the aisle together, giddy, you were left standing at the arch, holding SooSoo’s wedding bouquet that she’d forgotten in her excitement. The music swelled again, your cue for the wedding party to file out as well. You fell in beside Ahrin’s best man, taking a more reasonable pace down the walkway. Looking into the guests that had stood up, you caught Kun’s eye from one of the middle rows, a familiar wide, overjoyed grin on his face. He was in the stratosphere again.

You met up with Kun at your table at the reception, the wedding party table. While he wasn’t in the party, he was your plus one, and your friend of course made sure he was seated with you. After the obligatory speeches—including one that you had to give—everyone could start eating. Kids were allowed at the wedding, but you wanted to make sure that you could put all your focus on making this the best day ever for your friend and didn’t want to have the boys out too late either, so they were at home with a babysitter. After the food was the couple’s first dance, and you watched fondly from your table as Sooyoung and Ahrin swayed together, clearly in their own world, exchanging words and giggles and laughs that you couldn’t hear.

Kun’s hand and yours were entwined on your lap, and when the DJ asked for the wedding party and their plus-ones to join the newlyweds, you pulled him to floor by that hand. As Kun’s other hand settled on your hip, you affectionately smoothed down the lapel of his suit jacket before resting yours on the curve where his neck met his shoulder.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he beamed at you.

“Hi, handsome,” you replied back humorously. “So, what’s on your mind?”

“You mean there could possibly be anything on my mind other than the fact that I’m dancing with the love of my life?”

“You’ve got that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The ‘I’ve been launched into the stratosphere picturing our future together’ look,” you said frankly, but still with the same fond smirk on your lips. “So? What are you thinking about?”

His eyes widened minutely before he chuckled. “I’m having a good time with you, lovey. Is a guy not allowed to smile about that?”

“You are…”

“That’s all I was thinking about.” He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Always in the stratosphere when I’m with you.”

Despite his sweet words, you felt a twinge of disappointment in your chest, resting your cheek on his shoulder so he couldn’t see the contemplative frown on your face. The two of you were living together before Sooyoung and Ahrin had even met, you were raising two kids together right now, and had already discussed getting married—binders, spreadsheets, all your joint expectations for what you wanted out of a hypothetical future partnership like that. Why was he shying away from the subject now? Was seeing you actually at a wedding making him have second thoughts? Did it suddenly all seem too real? As if the binders and spreadsheets weren’t real enough?

Those weren’t questions to ask him now at your best friend’s wedding, so you bit your tongue, continuing to let him sway the two of you across the dance floor.

Later in the night, after your feet had gotten tired, Kun excused himself to use the restroom. You took the opportunity to catch your breath at the wedding party’s table. You’d been darting around the venue the whole time, either greeting friends of friends, dancing with people you knew, or stopping mishaps before they mis-happened. Some guests had started going home, so you felt somewhat comfortable taking a short rest.

You weren’t expecting one of the brides herself to sit down beside you, however.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Sooyoung asked knowingly.

You tried to perk up, slapping on a smile. “It’s nothing, SooSoo. My feet are tired. Why aren’t you with Ahrin?”

“We’re about to be together for the rest of our lives. I think she can piss by herself right now,” she replied.

“Oh, right.”

“And, it’s also my wedding, and I don’t want my best friend all sad and alone at my wedding. I know you’ve been fixing all my problems all day and all night. So will you let me help you with one of yours?”

You looked around to see if you could spot Kun anywhere, then leaned in towards her with a sigh. “Kun’s been acting weird today.”

“How?”

“We always talk about getting married pretty openly. But like, now that we’re at a wedding, it feels like he’s avoiding the topic.”

“Why haven’t you guys gotten married? You practically act like it anyway.”

“He still wants to surprise me with the proposal,” you said. “I told him no public proposals, no proposing on birthdays or holidays, and no proposing at other people’s weddings. But other than that…”

“When was that conversation? About getting married and engaged?”

You took a sip of your drink as you thought. “Mm… almost a year ago? Maybe ten months? It was a few conversations.”

“So Ahrin proposed like right after that,” she surmised. “He’s probably waiting for the right time. Making sure you weren’t too stressed with the kids, then the holidays, and being my maid-of-honor. Both of you are very thoughtful and also over-plan everything.”

“That’s true,” you sighed. “And also a bit less salient of a point coming from the poster child of U-Haul lesbians.”

Sooyoung wrapped an arm around your shoulders and rubbed your upper arm. “We’re different people in different relationships in different places in life, Y/N. You’ve got a really good guy who is head over heels for you and loves your kid as much as he loves you. Don’t forget all that in one night.”

“You’re right, SooSoo,” you leaned your head against hers. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” She pecked your hair.

“Is everything okay?” Kun’s voice came from behind you, sounding very concerned.

“Oh, yeah, Y/N’s getting a little warm in here,” SooSoo informed him brightly, letting you go and standing back up. “Why don’t you take her outside, Kun? There’s a nice little garden walkway, I think there’s some benches out there.”

“Yeah, of course. Thanks, Sooyoung.”

Your friend gave you one last squeeze of your arm before taking back off into the crowd. Kun ushered you to your feet and guided you out of the main reception hall and into the much cooler nighttime air. Sooyoung was right, it was way less hot and stuffy out here, and there was a short walkway leading to a garden with some benches. Kun sat you down again there, rubbing your back as you stared listlessly out at the fountain in front of you. The fountain wasn’t on, the water inside of it still, and the air around you quiet and empty. In the distance, you could hear the music from the wedding venue, the thumping bass, and above you, a few stars dotted the sky next to a silver crescent moon.

“Is this better?” Kun asked you quietly.

“Yeah, thanks, Kun,” you replied shortly, still unable to shake the discomfort you felt from earlier. Despite your conversation with Sooyoung making sense in the moment, now that you were back with Kun, that uncertainty crept back into your mind.

“It was a lovely ceremony.”

“Yeah. SooSoo’s dress is beautiful on her.”

“Do you want to go home? If you’re not feeling—”

You suddenly straightened up to look Kun in the eye. “We’re going to get married, right? You do want to marry me, right, Kun?”

“Wh—” He scrambled to grab your hands in his, holding them tight. “Of course, love. Yes, of course I want to marry you, Y/N. Why would you think I didn’t?”

“I know we talk about it but… you haven’t proposed. And you’ve been acting weird tonight. And by weird, I mean normal. Like, not talking about marriage. We’ll be buying groceries, and you’ll somehow bring up us getting married, but now we’re at an actual wedding and you haven’t talked about us having one of our own at all…” The dam broke, all of your anxious rambles coming forth at once. “Nothing about if we should do this or that at ours, what flowers you might want, or even— You saw me at an altar holding a bouquet and are acting like it’s no big deal! You see our future in everything, but not today, and it’s been making me think that maybe you don’t see a future anymore.”

Oh god, you were fucking crying now. This was not how you wanted this conversation to go. Tears spilled down your cheeks, and you pushed them away with the back of your hand as you sniffled and tried to calm yourself down.

“Y/N, lovey, I am so sorry,” Kun’s voice was wavering too, and you knew he was holding back his own tears. “I do want to marry you, and I never wanted to make you think that I didn’t. You were right earlier, I’ve been in the fucking stratosphere all day, and I’ve been going crazy trying not to say every single thing that pops into my head about marrying you because I’ve got your ring and everything planned out for the proposal and it was going to be soon, I just wanted it to be a surprise for you and I didn’t want to accidentally spoil anything for you. But I never meant to hurt you, and I am so, so sorry that I did. God, I love you so much, it felt like my heart was going to give out when I saw you at the altar with a wedding bouquet, and then dancing after the first dance—”

You crushed your lips against his, letting go of one of his hands to wrap a hand around the back of his neck. He cupped your cheek softly, even as you kissed him like you hadn’t seen him in decades, and like you might never again, feverishly, past the point where you were out of oxygen and your head started spinning. Kun pulled back to pick up your left hand, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss on your ring finger.

“If I had it with me, I’d put your ring on you right now,” he promised, pressing another kiss to the empty knuckle. “Hell, we could elope tonight, find a drive-thru chapel.”

“The boys might feel left out,” you chuckled, pulling his mouth back to yours.

He hummed appreciatively against your lips, adding in between kisses, “Good— point. Pick them up on the way?”

“It’s past their bedtime.” You kissed him again. “They’d be cranky if we woke them up now.”

“Foiled again by two five-year-olds’ bedtime,” he sighed dramatically, leaning his forehead against yours.

“So how were you going to do it?”

“Do what?”

“Propose to me.”

“I’m still going to?”

“Well, I feel like I just ruined your surprise.”

“Me telling you what it’s going to be, would be ruining the surprise,” he scoffed and pulled back to let you see his indignant features. “Which I’m not going to do.”

You laughed, pecking his cheek. “I’m looking forward to it, my love.”

“And I’m looking forward to marrying you, and spending the rest of my life with you,” Kun sighed dreamily, pulling you in closer and resting his head against yours again. “I meant it when I said I’m always in the stratosphere with you, you know.”

“Me too, Kun.” You looped an arm around his back and under his suit jacket.

A few beats of peaceful silence went by, neither you nor Kun speaking, just the distant sounds of the music from the wedding, your own synchronized breathing, and a far-off train horn. You looked from the fountain up at the glowing half-moon above you.

“Thank you, lovey,” Kun broke the quiet, and you shifted your gaze to him, raising a curious eyebrow.

“You’re welcome?” You replied with slight amusement. “For what, love?”

“Somebody once told me that the whole point of being a parent was letting our kids know that they’re not alone in all this,” he began, rubbing his thumb over your shoulder where his hand rested.

“Who said that?”

“You did, lovey.”

“I did? Ooh, I’m smart,” you chuckled, patting his thigh. “You picked well, Qian Kun.”

He smiled at you fondly. “I know.”

“When did I say that?”

“Before we were even dating, you had invited Junyi and me to your apartment for a charcuterie night. When we were making that pitch for the preschool fundraising committee.”

“Oh, oh, oh, right.” You nodded quickly as the memories of that came flooding back to you. “You remember me saying that?”

“Of course. You completely changed my view on parenting that night.”

“Glad it was so life-changing for you.”

“It was also the moment I knew I was going to fall in love with you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh maybe a little too hard, “Oh, Kun.”

“What’s that laugh for?” He chuckled lightly despite his obvious confusion.

“I’m just remembering how I was totally going to jump your bones that night and then Junyi walked in. Meanwhile you are just… so sweet, as always,” you admitted, stroking his cheek with the back of your fingers.

Kun’s eyes crinkled as he laughed and keeled forward a little. You let him laugh into your neck, cradling the back of his head as his shoulders continued to shake.

“I—” He coughed into his elbow as he righted himself and tried to compose himself again. His eyes were sparkling with tears from how hard he’d laughed as he looked at you now, and you affectionately touched the crinkles around his eye as a couple more giggles escaped him. Once he’d finally sobered up enough, he tried again, “You’ve also helped me realize that’s not just what being a parent is about, though. That’s what being a partner is, too. Making sure your person knows they’re not doing it alone. And I hope that’s how I make you feel, too.”

“Qian Kun, love of my life that you are—” you shook your head and grabbed his face with two hands. “Of course you do, and it’s taking everything in me not to squish your head right now because of how much I love you.”

Kun just laughed again, covering your hands with his and slotting your lips together.

⤷ masterlist

[xxanaduwrites]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ a residue series installment ୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

m’no good

✎ elementary-teacher!reader (miss.honey) x biker!benny 🏍️

summary: in which honey gets the call from johnny that benny’s in the hospital :( cal takes her to him. :’)

warnings: talks of being beaten, descriptions of injury, cursing, lying, crying, being judgy again. it’s an emotional one to say the least, but there’s some sweet moments & a happy ending :)

author’s note: this is NOT in order with the last two parts posted. instead, it’s a future installment in “bein’ married.” you can find the timeline in da main hive masterlist. this is heavily based on the events of the bikeriders movie of benny getting beat up & hospitalized. of course this is my own made-up spin on the situation at hand. idk this idea struck me at 3am & i wrote it in less than a day, so i figured i’d just release it now. you can find a mention of this scenario in session 1 of from the hive 🎙️🐝 this can be read alone if you like, but the interview context could help for sure! x

+ also if you were wondering, i personally picture honey as brittany murphy’s character in uptown girl’s molly gunn! i’ve been obsessing over her style in it & that’s what inspired honey’s style in my writing — especially with the embroidered overalls. you can picture her however you please, & i hope you continue to do as yourself ofc <3

word count: 4.7k (2x longer than the other parts, yay!)

💌 requests are open, send ‘em honey 💋

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

You were in the midst of Sunday dinner with your parents when you got the news. News that would leave you scrambling out of the house in an instant with no thoughts behind your honeydew drop eyes besides him — besides Benny.

Your Pa was comfortable at the head of the table, a cigarette between his lips as he scanned the paper under reading glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. Your Ma had just taken her seat at the table, a forkful stabbing into her salad. So when the phone rang your Pa didn’t even flinch. A result of him being too engrossed in his paper. On the other hand, your Ma sighed in a way that made you know she was evidently too tired to be on her feet again. This led you to announce that you’d get the phone. And you did, pulling it off the reciever and twisting your little finger around the warm yellow chord.

“Hi, you’ve reached The BeeHive. Honey speaking!” You chirped into the phone in your usual honey coated tone. Between your family business that consisted of beekeeping and honey jarring, answering the phone in such a way became rather customary and oddly normal. So much so that no one seemed to bat an eye besides your cousins who laughed every time they called. Absolute menaces indeed.

“Honey?” It was Johnny’s drawl on the line, rough and edgy with a twinge of something you couldn’t catch.

“Oh hi Joh— Mr. Davis!” You cleared your throat and corrected yourself. Trying to remain formal. Trying to remain respectable. Sure, you and Johnny were far from past that. Calling him Johnny instead of Mr. Davis was an entirely different respect that only you, Benny, the wives, and the rest of the guys would ever understand. So your parents? Well, they wouldn’t get that, and besides his kids were still your students after all. “How’s it goin’? Y’need to speak to my Pa? He’s right ‘ere.” You asked, your father’s demeanor easily shifting at the mention, his paper going flat against the table. It wasn’t unusual for Johnny to call your house. No — Johnny was a consistent buyer of your family’s honey. He incorporated it into the Club, handing the guys out honey beers during picnics and meetings. He learned of it from those community events you frequented with your parents, always having some sort of incorporation when catering was involved.

“Nah — nah.” He brushed that idea away rather quickly and your brows furrowed in confusion. “Gotta speak to yuh. Look I — I needa tell y’something, but if your Pa’s overhearin’ I need yuh to pretend we’re talking about the girls, alright?”

“I —“ you began but stopped short trying to compartmentalize what he was saying without reacting. “Oh, right I remember we were gonna talk about the girls' grades, yeah?” You rambled out, your words feeling far too thick coming out of your mouth, it almost didn’t sound like you. You feared your parents would catch on instantly, but instead their interest deflated as soon as nothing you said resembled anything to do with their business. It only took a second for your father to go back to his paper and beer and your mother to her salad.

“That’a good, Honey. Very good.” Johnny praised as you motioned with your hand that you were gonna step out of a sec, which really meant you were gonna pull the chord as far as you could into the other room. The distance — well it wasn’t much. The open archway from your parent’s kitchen to the living room wasn’t sound proof, so they could still technically hear every word you said, but your volume would be at lower frequency for sure, and your reactions practically undefinable.

“They’re doing real good, Mr. Davis. Bright girls you got there.” You muttered out so Johnny would know you were still there. You could feel your heart going a mile a minute as you paced the short distance available you could in restraint of the phone.

“I know. I know. They love ya, Honey, and they’re just fine. No need to worry ‘ere.” He reassured you, and a sigh of relief escaped your lips. The last thing you needed to hear was something bad about those babies. It would absolutely break your heart. But what you weren’t expecting to hear was something that would shatter it into a million little pieces. “It’s uh — it’s Benny.” Johnny said, and every fiber of your being went on fire, burning to ash. “He’s — he’s banged up, Honey. Got ‘im in the hospital and everything. ‘parently some jackasses got ‘im real good at some pub not too far from us. Beat him the fuck up, and broke his foot. Could’a lost the damn thing over his colors.”

A gasp left your lips in an instant, and you almost choked as you swallowed down a whimper to conceal the sudden volcano of tears bound to erupt. Now you understood why Johnny wanted — no needed this conversation to be under wraps. Your parents were already nervous about your ridin’ and to hear about some guys jumping your husband for bein’ part of the Club 'would have your parents in a frenzy. “I’m — I’m so sorry t—to hear that, J — Mr. Davis.” You continued the facade, a facade that pained you even more now as you tied back your emotions so forcfully wanting to rip from the seams. “Is your l-little girl okay?”

“He’s fine. They’re takin’ good care of him last I heard from Cockroach. He’s up and talkin’. Took ‘im to the hospital on the West End.” Johnny explained and little by little, piece by piece the fragments of your heart were starting to come back together, but you knew for certain, they wouldn’t be mended until you saw him. Until you got to touch him. Inspect him. Coddle him. Got to know who the fuck messed with him. “Go ‘n see ‘im. He needs his wife, alright?”

“I will.” You assured him, stepping back to peek through the archway at your parents who were still eating. Thankfully nothing seemed amiss. “I’ll be over soon with the homework she’s gonna miss for the week. Does she need anything else from me? Need a friend to bring her books home tomorrow?” You added in code. Code for ‘Who the fuck did this to him, and how could you help make sure those fuckers never got as close as a mile away from Benny again?’

“Nah. Don’t you be worryin’ now, Honey. The guys and I are on it. We’ll take care of ‘em. You take care of ‘im.” He settled on the plan. “Capisce?”

A wave of relief washed over you then. A relief that could only come from Johnny’s word alone. Cause you knew he’d take care of it. He always did. “Capisce.” You sniffled, not caring anymore if your parents caught on.

“Cal’s already on the way to pick ya up at your Ma’s.” He informed you. “Told ‘em to park around the corner so there’s no suspicion. You can tell ‘em you're stoppin’ by the house.” You never thought a time like this would leave you feeling extra grateful that Johnny and his family only lived a block away from your parents. But here you were, feeling just that.

You wanted to thank him then. The words were resting against your tongue heavily, so you made do with what you could. “Thank you, Mr. Davis. I’ll tell ‘em you said ‘ello. Please send my parents regards to your wife and the girls. I’ll be there soon.”

“Anything for ya n’ Benny. Y’know that. Yuh take care of y’self now, o—kay?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, itching to run out of your house and into Benny’s arms already. If you could. God, you sure hoped he wasn’t too banged up for a cuddle or two. Makin’ him feel a whole lot better was your main concern. “Bye Mr. Davis. See ya soon,” you spoke into the line before stepping heavily across the threshold and accidently putting the phone back on the hook with a little more aggression than you anticipated.

“Sorry,” you tensed and broke out in an innocent smile, “I gotta go to Mr. Davis’s. His girl is sick real bad with the Flu. Doctors says she’ll be out of school for a week and of course there’s all this important testin’ going on. Gotta keep ‘er on track, y’know? Such a good cookie. Get in a fit if she misses one lick of school.” You rambled on, adding more and more to lie you rather not tell, but knew it was for their own good. For your own good. For Benny’s. Your marriage. Your future. What you’d hope would become a bundle of joy or two with his pretty blue eyes and freckled face to match.

“‘Course she does. She’s a Davis after all.” Your father added, a fond smile stretching across his face.

“Oh that’s too bad,” your mother frowned, and then stood unexpectedly, her chair scraping against the kitchen flooring. “Here, I’ll pack ya some honey buns to take to ‘er.” Before you could protest your Ma was already piling some of her homemade buns into a metal cookie container and passing them to you.

“Real sweet, Mama.” You could feel your eyes startin’ to tear up again, that familiar wave of remembrance coming back to remind you what you were really leaving for. A wave of impatience that made your anxieties spike higher and higher at the prospect of more minutes ticking away without you being next to Benny. “M’sure it’ll make ‘er feel so much better in no time.” You kissed your Ma on the cheek in appreciaton and turned to head out.

“Wait,” your Ma said right when you were about to exit the front door with your backpack in tow. Thankfully she didn’t see you mouth a curse into the air with your back towards her. “Y’didn’t even get to touch your dinner. Will ya be back to finish it or should I wrap it up?”

“Nah. That’s ‘ight.” You declined. “I still got leftovers in the fridge for me and Benny from Rosie’s. Heat it up when I get home, but thanks Mama. Save it for yuh and Pa.”

“‘ight. Get’ome safe, Honey.” She called out. Safe. Safe. Benny didn’t get home safe, but he was safe now. Safe in the hospital that is, but was he really safe?

Your fingers gripped the doorhand, knuckles burning white as you took a breath to calm yourself. “I will, Mama. Love ya. Bye!” And then you were out the door, trying to keep your composure as long as you could, until you were out of eyeshot of your Ma and Pa’s. Your ballet flat feet banged against the pavement as you went on running down the rest, a sharp turn at the corner showing Cal by his bike, waiting and ready for you. A fresh cigarette between his lips, just ‘bout to be lit, long forgotten once his eyes landed on you.

It only took one look at him. One frown on those deep set features of his for you to be barrelling at him, strong arms encircling you in a hug.

“Oh Cal!” You cried into his tattered shirt, the dame of tears breaking out of you uncontrollably. Too uncontrollably. But you didn’t care. Couldn’t care. It was Cal after all. The brother you never had. The brother you should have had. The family you now had because of Benny. Because of Johnny. And it wasn’t that you didn’t love your parents — you loved and appreciated them of course, but you never felt fully accepted by them. So being in Cal’s arms was far more comforting than being in the arms of your parents because you could be yourself with Cal, without judgment.

“M’so sorry, Honey. So sorry.” He mumbled into your sun kissed up-do, smelling of fresh vanilla and honey scented soap.

You were crying so hard. Too hard. You’d become a total mess of hiccups and hard breathes. Of course, Cal accessed you accordingly, pulling you from his chest to take a good look at ya. And boy did your rosey cheeks and red rimmed glossy coated eyes destroy him. They really did. He hated seein’ you like this. All the guys did. They loved you far too much.

Cal’s warm calloused fingers circled the apples of your cheeks, brushing away the tear tracks that resided. “It’s gonna be ‘ight. ‘erything gonna be okay.” He cooed, trying to calm you down. “Gotta stay strong for ‘im so he can get betta. Can’t take ya like this. It’ll break ‘im, Honey.”

“I — I know. I know.” You squeezed your eyes shut, wet lashes bowing down. You took a breath. Then another. And another until you felt somewhat better. More calm that is.

“Ready t’go?” Cal asked carefully when he noticed your breaths evening out.

“Mhm,” you hummed, nodding your head.

Cal helped you onto his bike and you clung onto him as you rode. The weight of his jacket felt oddly comforting in your hold. Even though the circumstances of such colors were alarming in such a time, it didn’t leave you on edge by any means. Before you knew it, you were pulling up in the West End. Cal parked his bike, leading you to the front desk and of course the receptionist looked at the two of you kind-of funny.

“Family only.” She said to Cal, immediately putting two-and-two together who he was here for before turning to you, a big smile gracing her features. “How can I help ya, Miss?”

Your emotions were all over the place. Anger bubbling up inside you in an instant, ready to burst at the assumption of such a thing. Sure, it was a common mistake. To be misplaced next to one of the guys in your floral knitted cardigan and patterned jeans to match. But now — now, of all times. It was your last straw.

“That’s ‘is wife. Uh — Honey Cross.” Cal motioned to you, explaining who you were before your rage could ensue.

“Hm — I don’t see a Honey here,” the receptionist said, amusement crossing her features. Clearly pleased by shooting Cal’s advances in an instant. “I’m going to need to see some ID.” She pushed, and you were already ripping off your backpack before she could even finish the sentence.

Cal’s hands materialized around the straps without a second thought, helping you out of the thing but also holding it up for you while you fished for your bedazzled wallet. It was in the deep depths of the thing, mushed around with all your work sheets and lesson plans for the week. You were always equipped and extra prepared, making your supposed trip to the Davis’s for his little girl not amiss one bit. Your cutesy keychain clipped to the end flung about as you finally uncovered it, whipping out your ID with ease. This wasn’t your first rodeo in such a situation, learning from the last time Benny was tossed in a jail cell to get your ID updated with your new last name as soon as humanly possible.

The receptionist looked between you, Benny’s paperwork, and your ID for longer than necessary. “Hmmm, okay. Second floor room twelve, Mrs. Cross.” She finally gave in. “But you’ll have to stay here, Mister.” She told Cal.

He raised his hands up in the air like he was bound to be incarcerated, and the sight almost got a laugh out of you. Almost. “Fine. I’ll be out front when y’ready, Honey.” He informed you, and you nodded.

He helped you put your things back together, and when he caught wind of your name etched into your ID, his eyes widened. “Huh? So that’s y’real name then.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, wedging the thing back into your wallet, snapping it close. And if you thought the receptionist was suspicious earlier, she was far more suspicious now.

His features scrunched up in an innocent way, that long earring of his shaking as he shook his head. “S’cute, but I can’t see ya as anything else but Honey. Be weird if I called y’anything else.”

“I get it,” the edge of your clip curled up in a faint smile then. Your first smile in what felt like ages. You couldn’t help it with Cal. It was hard not to smile around him. “Feels weird calling you Calvin, Caleb, or Calum or whatever. Which is it anyways?” You asked, brows furrowed in confusion at the thought as you zipped your bag closed.

“Don’t matter now.” He patted your shoulders once your backpack was shelled around you. “Time to go see y’man, anyways.”

Turning on your heel, you nodded when you faced him, thanking him profusely and giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek as you gave him a tight hug. Once you let him go, you were off. Darting across the halls and climbing up the stairs, you weaved around the patients in their hospital beds being pushed by nurses and doctors in their lab coats until you made it to room twelve. For a moment, you stopped in your tracks, attempting a warm honey smile to grace your hubby with. To distract him from the evident pain he was having and the deep rooted distraught you felt inside.

But once you turned the corner, oh — you were a goner. There was Benny with a blue blooming zygoma, a swollen and bandaged eye, and his right foot propped up in a form fitted cast. Your heart shattered all over again without your control. Your hubby looked like a beat up puppy dog, and you couldn’t help but frown at the sight.

His blues — well his good one that is — caught your eye immediately. It was hard not to when you came waltzing in like that, all dolled up in a swarming buzz of color and sweet honey perfume. It wafted across the room and the smell touched his nose, warming him up for the first time since he’s been placed in this cold sterile room.

“Honey?” He blinked. Once. Twice. Wondering if your sweet face was an apparition. He told Cockroach not to tell you. Didn’t want you to see ‘im like this. Not until he was out and the brusin’ subsided at least, but he guessed Roach forgot to relay the message to Johnny and the rest of the guys when he told ‘em.

“Oh — my poor baby!” You cooed, racing across the room as soon as his gravelly voice hit your ears. You dotted on him in an instant. Fitting your form on the small empty space at the edge of the bed near his hip, you didn’t even bother pulling over the chair adjacent to his bed. And Benny didn’t mind no.

Even though he wasn’t too happy to see you here, he was happy to feel you here.

Your hand brushed through his hair and caressed the good side of his face, sweet and delicate. Benny couldn’t help but lean his cheek into your comforting touch. For the very first time you watched as a hot warm tear trickled down his cheek and landed on your hand.

“Please don’t let’em take my foot,” he begged, his large warm hands circling around both of yours and dropping them in his lap. “If — If they take my foot then I can’t ride again, and — and then how will I-I take y’to school?”

His sweep of emotions took you by surprise. You’d never seen him cry. Not when he was beaten and bruised in a bar fight. Not when a shard of glass wedged itself into his skin after punching through a car window. Not when you were applying alcohol to his cuts or when he was gettin’ stitches. No Benny never cried. And here he was now. Crying in front of you. In front of his wife. God, of course that just wrecked you.

Sure, maybe someone else would have made a stink. Would have told him that there were bigger things to worry about then his riding. But you wouldn’t do that — no. Besides you, ridin’ was Benny’s biggest passion. And both showed in the way he was most concerned about you. Concerned about taking care of you. How’d he do that if they took his foot and couldn’t take you to work every day. You couldn’t drive. Didn’t know how. It’s not that you didn’t want to, you just never had the time to go get your driver’s license. Not between working at the local diner while you were studying and getting your degree. And now that you had it and Benny well — you had all that you really needed.

“I won’t let ‘em, baby. I promise. I promise.” You assured, pulling his strong hands up with yours and kissing each and every rough rimmed knuckle of his. “As for takin’ me to school. Don’t you worry about that. Took the bus before I met y’anyways. Doesn’t make a difference. I’ll do it until you’re better again, alright?”

But it did make a difference. It did to him. He adored those mornings and afternoons when he had you on the back of his bike, taking you to and from school. He especially loved it when you were still living with your Ma and Pa. It was the little things like that that not only got him through his day, but also made him feel like he was doing something good. Doing something good by you. Makin’ himself seem responsible enough to your parents for being on time and prompt, to marry you. And it worked after a while. He had you now as his wife. In the apartment you shared. In his home. In his bed. While that was all good and great, he couldn’t help but wonder if something like this would set them off.

He grimaced, the thoughts gnawing at him and makin’ him ask you, “do y’parents know?”

“No, no. They don’t. Think I’m at Johnny’s dropping off homework for his sick little girl. Think you’re at work. ‘Member I told ‘em you were working today so you didn’t have to come?” You reminded him.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to throw a little white lie around here and there to your parents about Benny. Sure, he was on good terms with them now thanks to Johnny. Thanks to the fact that their little girl had him as her husband, and they didn’t have too much of a choice. But, that didn’t mean things were perfect. Benny wasn’t much of a fan at the way they treated you from time to time. Especially when they made comments about your decisions. About the way you dressed. He thought you were perfect as is, and it boiled his blood whenever he heard them goin’ on and on about it, especially at Sunday dinners. So sometimes he just didn’t come. Sometimes you didn’t go either. But of course you did today cause you felt bad you hadn’t been in awhile and felt like you needed to see ‘em. They were your parents after all. Now you were regretting not going with him instead. Maybe none of this would have happened if you had never gone to your parents in the first place.

“Hm, right,” he sighed, squeezing your hand in appreciation. “How was it anyways? Did they give ya a hard time?”

“No. Not today,” you replied. “Didn’t have time to. Didn’t even get t’sit down. I should’ve been with y’anyways.”

“No y’shouldn’t of.” He shook his head in disagreement, and then revealed, “m’no good for ya, baby.”

“What?!” You gasped, absolutely baffled by what he was sayin’. “What you goin’ on about?” He hadn’t just really said that? Had he? He did! “S’not true. Not true at all.” Your cute little bee earrings shook as you moved your head back and forth in earnest. “You’re too good t’me —“ He bowed his head down in a silent no. “Far too good,” you repeated, trying to search his eye so he could see you. Really see that you meant every word you were sayin’. “Y’loyal to Johnny and the guys. To me.” You reminded him, but his gaze was still downwards, trained on your conjoined hands in his lap. You brushed your thumb back and forth against his skin. “Lemme ask you somethin’..” you began, “What did y’do when those guys came up to ya, huh?”

“Told ‘em they’d have to kill me to get my jacket off,” he revealed, his response making your lips curl up soundly. That was your Benny right there, your loyal Benny.

“And why’s that?” You asked, pushing on. Trying to get him to the root of his decision.

“Cause…” he shrugged, taking a moment to think about it. “It represents my family….represents you. Hell, I got your patches on it!” His voice was slowly rising in defense, in bits of anger. “Got your name sewed over my heart bigger than a goddamn weddin’ ring will ever be and those fuckers laughed about it!”

A full, bright toothed smile had your dimples peaked like two pretty mountains, and when Benny’s eyes finally found your sweet honey speckled ones — well his anger dissipated. “Ah, c’mere.”

“I don’t wanna crush y—“ you began, worrying about hurting him, but he cut you off immediately.

“C’mere,” he cooed, scooting over just a tad so you could lay next to ‘em. Of course you couldn’t say no to him. Could never ever. Not when he wanted y’so bad. “Need my girl.”

“Alright, alright,” you hummed, rolling your eyes playfully as you curled yourself next to ‘em. A comfortable silence landed over the two of you, one that you were thankful for after everything. After all the fuss of the day. You just wished you could be just like this with him at home in your own bed. His strong arm wrapped around your back, hand cupping your shoulder and you tilted your head onto his own. His lips found your forehead quickly, feeling more pillowy than usual from the impact on his face and your eyes fluttered at the contact. “Oh that reminds me. Did ya eat?”

“Huh?” He hummed confused.

“Did they feed y’here yet?” You tried again.

“Nah,” he replied.

“Fuckin’ hell. Got y’propped up, but can’t feed ya…” you shook your head in disappointment, and your concern for him over something so miniscule within the swarm of everything warmed his heart tenfold.

You moved to get up, but he stopped you short with his hand that was once on your shoulder now materializing on your waist. “Where y’going?” He pouted.

“Nowhere, baby.” You assured him, fingers curling under the good side of his chin so you could leave a soft kiss on his lips which he relaxed in as soon as it came. “Just grabbin’ my bag from the floor. Got some grub — well…” you trailed off, a laugh escaping you as you unzipped your bag and took out the tin your mother gave you. “I know it ain’t dinner, but I say dessert won’t hurt. Doctor’s orders, y’know?” You opened the tin to reveal the fresh honey buns your Mama made then, and God did Benny wanna just eat you up instead. “Y’want?”

He nodded, so you didn’t hesitate in passing one over to him. Both of you enjoyed the sweet treat. So much so, that when a crumb or two fell on your chest, Benny dived right in to access it — and well who were you to protest when his soft lips met your warm skin? When his lips continued their assault around your fingers, cleaning off the sugary residue that remained. And you were happy. So happy and giddy because you were with your Benny. You knew no matter what happened. No matter what came next, the two of you would be alright. Cause that was what marriage was all about, signing up for the good, the bad, and the ugly, being there for each other in sickness and in health.

And in that short hour or so that remained in visiting hours, before the nurse flagged you down to kick you out, you laughed and giggled more than you had in days, and even when you scolded him, warning that a nurse may catch him licking down your chest or sucking your fingers, a smile graced your sweet features the entire time and Benny ate up every single second soundly.

“I fuckin’ love ya, y’know that Mrs. Cross?” He said to you at some point, in the midst of everything.

“I fuckin’ love ya too, Mr. Cross. Always and forever.”

And always and forever it was.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

additional author’s note: AH I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF. PWETTY PLZ DON’T BE MAD AT ME FOR JUMPING OUT OF ORDER. (with a cherry on top 🍒)

my requests are open for any miss honey x benny cross works + any convos about these two in general. don’t be shy honey, i’m all for yapping in the asks.

+ don’t forget to comment if you’d like be added to “da bee hive” (my version of da tag list)

smoochies. all da love xanadu 💋

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[rjk1ve]

HYUNG

author’s note: me when i disappear for eight months without an update and then drop this little number like nothing happened

summary: you and jeongguk had always been close growing up until your parents decided to have you fulfil your mandatory service. upon your discharge a year and a half later, things were not the same.

pairing: older brother!reader x younger brother!jungkook ft. namjoon & hoseok

warnings: incredible amounts of incest, lowkey toxic relationship, reader has anger issues & violent thoughts, some mild drug use (joints, coke), murder, namseok are amazing friends, mentions of child abuse (corporal punishment), a lil bit of angst, and fluff, jk & reader are idiots in love tbh, overprotective reader, jealous reader, smitten reader, making out, mild mentions of sex

Jeongguk used to think it was normal to hold so much love for one’s older brother. His parents had always doted on his attachment to you as kids: the way he’d cried when he had to separate from you on your first day of school, the way he would always sneak into your bed and cuddle with you while you were asleep, the way he would want you to feed him or he wouldn’t eat.

Both of your parents would say you guys were probably supposed to be born as twins rather than two years apart. You and Jeongguk did everything together, never leaving one another’s side, standing up for each other and practically reading each other’s thoughts without any words being spoken.

There was even a time once when your mother was telling Jeongguk off and he started to cry. You were in the other room, having heard the painful sob that had left your little brother’s lips, and it took you less than a minute to appear in the kitchen and pull him behind you, his grip tight around your palm, your nostrils flared.

Your mother had never seen you more angry then. Even as a little boy of ten, she was quite startled by the ferocity in your eyes, as if you could kill her right then and there. She laughs it off nowadays, telling herself the fear had been a silly emotion to feel because whatever could a ten year old really do?

But she wasn’t aware of just the extent you were willing to go for your little brother.

Getting into fights at school, threatening teachers and even grabbing the objects they would use for punishment on Jeongguk back on them. You never let anyone get away with badmouthing Jeongguk and it would quickly circulate around the other kids that the little brother of Jeon M/N was off limits in all regards from mere compliments to dirty looks and bullying. He only hung out with you and your friends but your parents wouldn’t let this go on for very long.

At around the ages of when you and Jeongguk turned 16 and 14 respectively, your parents had begun to worry that this… brotherhood was beginning to edge into muddy waters, especially for you because you’d always get into trouble for Jeongguk and he let it happen.

In fact, there were suspicions that Jeongguk leaned into your overprotective tendencies, sometimes making up pure lies about people just to feel your gentle touch on his cheek, comforting him, telling him you’ll take care of everything. You would return home with splattered blood all over your hands, Jeongguk sniffling and clinging to your sleeve behind you. Your mother had almost collapsed from shock the first time she had seen you like that, and your dad beat you until your own blood was seeping out of your legs and back.

Jeongguk felt terrible. He had cried the whole way through applying ointments to your wounds, unable to look you in the eye.

“I’m sorry. I-I should’ve stood up for you. I shouldn’t have let appa hit you.” He’d said quietly, but you never faulted him for these punishments. It was your choice to confront his bullies and you didn’t care what happened to you in the process of getting revenge.

“Look at me, Gugie.”

Jeongguk felt a rush of appeasement at the loving nickname—something that branded him to you. A nickname that only you were allowed to use. He looked up at you after applying the last of the ointment, face streaked with dry tear tracks.

“I need you to come to me if anyone ever hurts you, okay? Even if it’s only a threat. Come to me. Promise?” You’d asked, holding out your pinky. He’d sniffled, wiping his face as he nods.

“Promise.” He says, interlocking your pinkies together.

Unfortunately, that promise hadn’t lasted very long because by the ages of 17 and 15, your parents had begun to double down on your supposed bad behaviour. Before, Jeongguk used to share a room with you, and then he had his own separate room at the other end of the hall, closer to mom and dad. Neither of you were allowed to spend time together alone. Your dad had said he didn’t want Jeongguk to be influenced by your delinquency and begin to believe that beating people up was the solution to his problems.

You thought it was kind of ironic that the man who loved corporal punishment more than anything would say something so hypocritical.

Of course, you did still try to spend time with Jeongguk regardless. You usually waited for him outside of his classroom during breaks, but apparently your parents had even talked to the teachers, requesting that they keep the two of you separate at all times.

The two of them were like hawks monitoring your every move, and by the age of 18, your dad had made sure you were enlisting in the army for your mandatory service. He knew they’d teach you discipline, that you’d be a changed man once you were back.

Finally, you’d be the perfect son he knew you were capable of being.

──────────

“Aish, do these people not have any manners? Why are they crowding around so much?” Your dad—Wonhyun—grumbles, eyes looking around at the many families that were waiting for their sons to finally be discharged after completing their mandatory service. Your mother—Miran—slaps him on the arm lightly, shushing him.

“They’re only here for the same reasons we are. Where else would they go?” She asks, her eyes searching, waiting for the doors to open and the swarm of men to come out. This would be the first time she’ll have seen you in nearly two years, your father insisting that time apart from the family would do you good.

“They couldn’t have set a-” Wonhyun starts to say, but that’s when the doors to the training centre begin to open and men dressed in military uniforms begin to file out with smiles on their faces, some even jogging towards their family in the crowd. Your mother is very eager, attempting to stand on her tiptoes to find you but you’d grown exceptionally well over the years.

Your head towers over the herd, having been one of the tallest in your group of comrades, and so it only took you all of ten seconds to find your parents waving at you with bright smiles, jumping to get your attention. A half smile spreads itself across your lips, and you raise your hand in a wave as you make your way over to them.

Your comrades pat you on the back, congratulating you on completing your enlistment and telling you to reach out soon for drinks. You chuckle and nod, ruffling some of the boys’ hair before you drop your duffle bag in front of your mother who nearly has tears in her eyes, unable to believe you were standing there in front of her after so long.

“N/N…” She starts, covering her mouth with a small sniffle before a shaky hand reaches up to touch your cheek. You have to bend down for her small arm to reach, and you rest your own palm on top of her hand.

“Eomma, really, the first thing you’re gonna do is cry after not seeing your son for over a year?” You tease lightly, and she laughs through her tears, shaking her head before she wraps both of her arms around you. You were able to lift her off of her feet easily, hugging her tight.

“We missed you so much, M/N-ie. The house wasn’t the same without you.” She says quietly, caressing your hair as you put her down.

“I’m here now. We’ll liven up the place again.” You promise, wiping her tears away. She nods, and then you turn to your father who stands tall and proud as he watched you greet your mother.

“Son,” He greets, resting a hand on your shoulder. “Look at you… an upstanding citizen, just completed your service… you’re like a completely different person from before you left. I’m proud of you.”

He pulls you into a hug, patting your back, and you smile, taking in his warm embrace. It’s when they can’t see your face, though, that your jaw locks and the smile slips from your lips. You hug him tightly, your arms squeezing around his waist to a point where Wonhyun makes a noise of surprised discomfort.

“Thank you, sir.” You reply politely, pulling away as the smile returns to your face. “I won’t let you down ever again.”

“You’ve gotten quite strong the past year and a half, haven’t you? That’s quite the grip.” Wonhyun says, clearing his throat as he pretends to act unfazed. He claps you on your shoulder but it seems he does it more lightly this time, almost as if cautious of what you might be capable of.

This was new.

He’d never shown much fear of you during your teenage years. Perhaps because he was aware you were simply a child and nothing more, but now, looking at you… well you were vastly different from the boy he remembered sending into this training centre. You were bigger, far bigger than he thought you’d end up becoming.

He hadn’t expected you to continue growing well into your military years. He only expected you to come out of this being more mature and disciplined so that you’d listen to him when he’d instructed you with a task.

“Miran, here, take a photo of us.” Wonhyun says, pulling his phone out of his pocket, but your eyebrows furrow as you notice it was only your mom and dad with you. Your eyes search for another figure and your dad quickly realises who you were looking for.

“He-he’s not here, M/N.” Your dad says, tensing when you look down at him, your eyebrows furrowing deeper. You pull away from the loose hand your dad had settled on your back for the photo.

“What do you mean he’s not here? Was he held up with something else? Traffic? Is he running late?” You ask, your eyes turning to your mother. She only stares at Wonhyun however, a semblance of worry in her eyes that you caught onto. Your dad attempts to pull you back into your previous pose for the photo.

“Let’s take the photo first, okay? I’ll explain on the ride home.” Wonhyun says, and you have the urge to shove his head into the dirt covered floor but you refrain. Instead, you nod silently, knowing you needed to keep up your ‘good boy’ attitude at least until you found out where Jeongguk was.

──────────

“Dude, are you sure you’re good? What’s your plan?” Hoseok asks, watching you closely from his seat on the couch to your left. He’d stopped lining up his powder on the table at the news, unsure of how you’d react. Namjoon was also watching you over the rim of his glass of whiskey, his seat on the opposite side of the table in front of the three of you.

Even in the dark den of Hoseok’s office, the glint in your eyes was practically palpable. The music from the dance floor in the main room thrummed through the walls and floor, vibrating all throughout your body as you swirled your own glass of whiskey in one hand, arm spread across the head of the couch. Your eyes were unfocused, your mind drifted in a sea of thoughts.

After a moment, you speak, “Should I kill them?”

The guards dotted around the room share looks with one another but no one says anything. Hoseok is immediately stunned, frozen in place. Namjoon continues to watch you intently, unfazed, studying your features for a sign of any tell that you were asking a genuine question.

You await a response—any at all, but no one speaks up, causing you to lift your gaze, glancing between Hoseok and Namjoon with a raised brow.

“What, you think I shouldn’t do it?” You challenge, although your tone sounds nothing like a challenge being raised, instead sounding more like a genuine question of curiosity. Namjoon knew you better than that. He notices the quirk of your lips; a tell.

“Whatever you do, you know I’ve got your back.” Namjoon says, taking a sip of his whiskey. Hoseok stares at Namjoon in disbelief before glancing down at his powdered lines in front of him. He sighs.

“Oh fuck me. Whatever. Sure.” He waves his hand dismissively before finally going in for his first line. He lets out a satisfied hum and goes in for another. You smirk, chuckling a little as you finish the rest of your drink.

“Good to know I have such reliable friends, hm?” You settle your empty glass on the table, sitting up.

“We know how much he means to you.”

Your eyes meet Namjoon’s. He’s always been able to read you like a book, almost reminding you of the boy that was the catalyst to this entire discussion. You’d met him during your military service alongside Hoseok and the three of you got along really well. You had each other’s backs in there, leaving many to bow down at your feet.

“Who’s that? A friend?” Namjoon had asked upon catching you staring down at a photograph of yourself next to another boy. It was taken during winter; the floors were covered in snow, the scenery blessed with white. You and Jeongguk were layered up in thick woolly scarves, jackets, and gloves but you could still make out the younger boy’s pink nose. His eyes scrunched shut as he laughed at a joke you’d made as you stared down at him, holding him close.

Your eyes don’t waver from the photograph. Your thumb brushes over his delighted figure. You missed him dearly. Namjoon watches you, eyes the way you seem so nostalgic and even forlorn.

“My brother.” You’d told him quietly. It had been three months now since you’d enlisted. You’d received one call from him in the beginning, asking you all about your service and how everything was going, wanting to know you were okay, but that was it. You hadn’t heard his sweet voice since, and you knew your parents had something to do with it.

Namjoon leans up on his elbows beside you, legs still settled inside his sleeping bag. Hoseok was to your left, already fast asleep as he snored, mouth agape.

“Why don’t you visit him during leaves? Seems like you miss the guy.”

Your grip on the photo tightens before you tuck it into your pocket, not wishing to crumple or ruin the memory. It was the only physical reminder you had of him that you were allowed to keep close to you.

“My dad won’t let me see him. Thinks I’m a bad influence.” You scoff, getting into your sleeping bag. Namjoon doesn’t say much, something telling him that the solutions coming to his head weren’t as easy as they seemed, but he does notice your bitter expression. He could tell you weren’t content with your current circumstances.

“I’m here if you ever wanna talk about him. Clearly, he must mean a lot to you.”

A small smile forms itself on your lips. You nod, grateful.

“He means everything to me.”

──────────

“And you’re sure he’s there?” Namjoon asks, eyes on the passing scenery through the tinted window of the limousine. Hoseok rolls his eyes, blowing on a joint.

“Yes, asshole. I’ve had my guys working on this for the past two weeks now, alright? He’s definitely there.” Hoseok grumbles, taking another puff of his joint with a contented sigh before passing it over to you. You take it, inhaling a puff of your own to calm your nerves. You’ve been on edge for the past two weeks now, ever since Hoseok offered to have his guys look for Jeongguk.

Your parents had kicked him out only a couple of months after your enlistment because of some bullshit about ‘straying from the path of God’ that you’d tuned out immediately. It had taken everything in you not to grab the nearest knife from the kitchen table then, stabbing them over and over again until their bodies were so disfigured that they were completely unrecognisable.

Being in the military changed you. It taught you how to control your anger issues like your father wanted but it also resulted in you manifesting sudden, more violent thoughts than you’d had previously as a result of holding in your emotions.

Hoseok pours you a glass of vodka, noticing your tensed physique. He could tell you were nervous about seeing Jeongguk again after nearly two years, unsure of how the male may react. Knowing that he wasn’t the same kid that you’d left behind.

“It’ll be alright. I’m sure he’s been missing you just as much.” Hoseok attempts to comfort, nudging your knee with his own and jutting his chin towards the glass of vodka. You hand Namjoon the joint next and grab the glass, necking almost half of it without a second thought.

Hoseok whistles lowly, watching you.

“Maybe slow down just a little bit. You don’t wanna meet him for the first time in ages and not remember the encounter, do you?”

You grunt, knowing he had a point before placing your glass in the cup holder. The rest of the ride to the club is filled with some mild chatter, Hoseok choosing to keep the blunt between himself and Namjoon so as to make sure you were of sound mind for this interaction.

He had worked hard to find Jeongguk’s usual spot and so he wasn’t going to let this meeting go to waste. He wanted to make sure you’d remember it and thank him for being such a great friend who’d brought you back together with your brother.

“Alright, alright! Everyone shut the fuck up. We’re pulling up now.” Hoseok announces, recognising the street from the pictures his men had sent him. Your body tenses again, glancing out of the window to see as the limo pulled up in front of the entrance to the club.

It wasn’t nearly as lavish as Hoseok’s nightclub (which was known as Seoul’s hotspot) but it was okay regardless. It’s what one would expect downtown.

There was an average line of customers waiting to be let in and two bouncers guarding the front doors. Namjoon waits as the chauffeur moves to open the door on his side of the car, allowing him to get out, and Hoseok follows suit. The chauffeur then proceeds to make his way to other side and open the door for you as you hop out and make your way around to your two friends.

People in the queue begin to whisper, muttering amongst themselves at your suave entrance and arrival in an expensive car. All three of you were dressed in branded clothes courtesy of Hoseok who never let his friends wear anything that wasn’t designer.

Hoseok leads the way to the entrance and the bouncer seems to recognise him immediately. He opens the door personally with a small bow of respect. Your eyebrow raises before remembering Hoseok was very well known in this industry. Or practically Seoul in general.

“Garnered quite the reputation for yourself, have you?” Namjoon queries with a small smile. Hoseok shrugs as you guys enter the main room of the club with ease. He grabs the nearest shot glass from a bartender’s tray, necking it. You and Namjoon decide to hold off on the alcohol for now.

“Okay, he usually comes here every Friday around 8:30. I’ve booked us the VIP seating over there,” Hoseok bellows over the music, pointing to the open lounge that was sectioned off from the dance floor. You nod, your eyes on the dance floor instead of the VIP lounge even though it was only 8 right now.

If Hoseok was right about this, you still had another half an hour until he showed.

“Why did we come so early then?” Namjoon asks. Your eyes return to Hoseok, wanting an answer to that question as well.

“To have fun! Let loose a little! Or don’t and go chill out at the lounge. I’m here to hit the dance floor.” He says, and before either you or Namjoon can say anything, he’s already made his way past the crowds of people everywhere and onto the dance floor. You grumble to yourself and Namjoon rests a hand on your shoulder, gesturing to the lounge.

You follow after him, noticing how the lounge is set on a slightly higher level than the dance floor. A guard is stationed by the steps and he asks for your names. Namjoon tells him, and the guy checks his list before nodding and moving aside.

“Enjoy.” He says as you and Namjoon head over towards the leather couch. It was similar to Hoseok’s office back at his club with a glass table settled in front of the two of you and dim lights secured above that you can control the colours of.

Namjoon makes himself comfortable, unbuttoning his blazer as his eyes scan the club with its flashy, LED dance floor and sweaty couples grinding up on each other. He also sees Hoseok already has someone pulling him close and whispering in (or maybe kissing?) his ear. Namjoon chuckles, turning his attention to you.

“So, what’s your plan?” He asks casually, and you raise your brow at him. “You know, when he’s here. Are you just gonna go up and talk to him?”

You weren’t sure what the fuck you were gonna do in all honesty. You’d made it this far but you hadn’t thought you’d find him in the first place, simply going along with the flow of events that Hoseok had somehow constructed. You wonder how Jeongguk may react, how he looks, whether he’s changed or stayed the same.

“I don’t know.” You tell him with a long sigh, your eyes on the dance floor. “I haven’t seen him in over a year, I haven’t talked to him even once. For all I know, he might not want anything to do with me.”

Namjoon listens to your worries intently, nodding. Although he hasn’t been in your predicament before, he understands your feelings. It’s rare for a person to stay the same over such a long period of time, especially teenagers.

From what he can recall, you and Jeongguk had about a two year age gap, making him 18 this year. He probably has his own thoughts and feelings about everything.

“I don’t think it’d be that extreme.” Namjoon says, “He might be upset about stuff, might even be upset with you, but he’ll come around. I don’t think he can hate you forever.”

You chuckle at his wisdom. “You don’t even know the guy, Joon. He can throw a mean tantrum.”

Namjoon shrugs although there’s a smile to his lips. “Your stories about him are enough for me.”

And that’s basically how you spend the next half an hour, talking about Jeongguk, telling Namjoon more stories about his silly tantrums he’d throw when you’d upset him over something.

He would often lock himself in your shared room and only open it when it was time for bed because otherwise he knew dad would yell at him. He wouldn’t make eye contact, he wouldn’t talk and to your surprise, he would even choose to sleep in his own bed.

This sort of stuff could go on for days unless you tried to ask for forgiveness, pulling crazy antics and buying him his favourite toys or food using your own pocket money. Sometimes you’d even have to dress in the most embarrassing outfits in public just to get that cute little laugh out of him.

Hopefully, you won’t have to do anything too crazy here. Hopefully, Jeongguk would be happy to see you.

──────────

“Dudes, he’s on his way. Get ready.” A tipsy Hoseok says half an hour later, having pushed through the crowd which seems to have only gotten bigger. You’d had one glass of vodka throughout your entire wait here. This was probably a record for you.

“I’ll stay here. M/N probably wants to meet him alone, right?” Namjoon asks, looking over at you. You nod, your foot bouncing like crazy on the tiled floor.

Since when were you so nervous to meet your own brother?

Hoseok decides to wait with you from his position just below the lounge on the main floor, hand on the railing and looking out at the crowd for any signs of the young male.

Taking a deep breath, your eyes track the doors that lead to the entrance, waiting.

And then, you see him.

For a moment, you wonder if you were simply imagining things. Perhaps it had been a trick of the light and so you blink continuously, leaning forward in your seat, eyes squinted and yet he’s still here, making his way through the crowd towards the bar which was located just a few feet away from your lounge.

Your breath catches in your throat, even swallowing felt difficult.

He was here. He was really here.

And he looked completely different. Nothing like the young boy you’d remembered, as if all semblance of the Jeongguk you had known were lost and buried within this new look he was sporting. He’d grown his hair out into a wavy bob and he’d gotten just a little bit taller. His body was slim yet toned, barely covered by the denim jacket he was wearing which revealed his stomach through the cropped white shirt. He’d even worn a loose tie and chains. He looked absolutely ravishing.

You could barely help yourself. Your cock was stirring eagerly in your pants before you’d even realised, and as Jeongguk turned slightly after receiving his drink, you caught a shimmer bounce off of his lip from the light. It was a lip piercing.

Now you could see why your parents had kicked him out. He was considered an abomination, moreso to your father who always envisioned his sons as the most traditional sort of macho man.

Jeongguk was nothing like that. He was more of a spoonful of cardinal sin that was awaiting hungry prey. Someone that wanted to be ravished, not take girls to church and smile shyly over dinner. You had to go talk to him.

Namjoon who was analysing Jeongguk turns to you when he feels you shift. Hoseok doesn’t notice shit, seemingly just as enamoured by Jeongguk’s presence as you, his eyes unwavering from the male’s physique.

“You gonna go over there?” Namjoon asks, but as you go to answer, you notice Jeongguk is now beginning to make his way to the extremely crowded dance floor and you’d lost him just like that. It was too difficult to find him with so many people squeezed together there. You growl lowly, unhappy.

Hoseok finally turns to both you and Namjoon, confused at what was going on. “What’s up? You gonna go find him? He’s supposed to be here until quite late so you have plenty of time, M/N-ah. Don’t fret.” The male comforts. You nod, trying to take a deep breath. You hated crowded areas, especially when they were filled with sweaty and horny teenagers.

“You go on. I’ll be here.” Namjoon states as you get up. You head down to Hoseok’s level before turning to the crowd.

“We can split up and look for him. I’ll ring you if I find him. Keep your phone on vibrate.” He leans in to say, and you nod as you pull out your phone, turning on vibrate. Hoseok pats you on your shoulder. “We’ll find him.” And then, he leaves.

You also start to make your way to the dance floor and it’s immediately stuffy the closer you get. Everywhere you look there’s couples grinding up on each other and making out, some even attempting to invite you into their little rendezvous but you were only interested in one individual.

You weren’t even sure where exactly you were on the dance floor or how far along you’d travelled by the time you were sweating through your top and your feet were beginning to ache. The crowd moved in weird ways and directions, leaving you to guess how much ground you’d covered. And Jeongguk would probably be dancing right now too, meaning he must be moving around at all times.

All of it felt hopeless. You were getting more and more annoyed as people tried to talk to you or show interest or offer to buy you drinks. You weren’t interested and you didn’t know how many more times those words would have to leave your lips before you popped a vein.

But then as if sensing your distress, you’d found him again. There he was in all of his glory, a sheen of sweat cascading down his neck, his toned stomach and collarbones. His hair, which you’d only now realised was dyed auburn, was sticking to his forehead, head thrown back and denim jacket wrapped around his waist.

As you pushed through the crowd to make your way to him, you paused. Another figure had wrapped their arms around his waist, moving in sync with his hips. Jeongguk seemed to revel in the attention, resting his hand on top of the stranger’s which only caused the man to become braver.

It was enough to have you charging through the crowd instead of politely squeezing past. You didn’t apologise or bow, you didn’t care who was being knocked to the ground as you shoved and shoved until there was enough of an opening for you to throw a punch. Some people screamed, attempting to back away as the stranger stumbled but you didn’t hold back.

You punched him again and again until he had fallen to the ground, unable to understand what was going on. He hadn’t even caught a glimpse of your face as you moved to cage him between your knees, your vision red with anger, your knuckles dripping with blood.

He was already unconscious by the time someone had grabbed you by your waist and pulled you off of the man. His face was bloodied, unrecognisable, almost like the carcass a dead animal leaves after they’re done with their prey. Your breath was heavy and laboured and you’d turned to see it was Hoseok who was holding you back, eyebrows furrowed and his eyes filled with worry.

The music had stopped by now and some people were trying to leave, causing a panic. Then you remembered Jeongguk. Your eyes searched for the male but he was nowhere in sight. He’d disappeared.

“We have to leave, M/N.” Hoseok says, and you knew he was right. Looking down at the unconscious body again, you still felt a burst of hatred, causing you to spit on him before Hoseok started to pull you away towards the back of the club. Apparently there was another exit this way that not many people knew about.

Namjoon met you guys by the back of the club. He was still his composed self even after the havoc inside.

“What happened?”

“What happened? What happened?! He fucking lost it, that’s what happened, Joon! Jesus fucking Christ, I mean, I think the guy might be dead!” Hoseok exclaims, running his fingers through his hair. Namjoon’s eyes scan over your bloodied figure, from your clothes to your knuckles and even your face. He pulls out a handkerchief and offers it to you. You take it gratefully.

“We gotta get outta here. We can’t be seen here. I’ll talk to the owner about getting rid of tapes and evidence. She’s my friend. I’ll bribe the cops if I have to. It’ll be fine.” Hoseok says, although seemingly more to himself than anyone else. He pulls out his phone to call the limo to the back of the club.

Namjoon continues to keep his eye on you as you brush whatever amount of blood you can from your knuckles and face. Your mind was still plastered with images of that man’s hands on Jeongguk. The way he was guiding Jeongguk’s body like he owned it.

He deserved a way worse death than he’d received if he really died. Nobody puts hands on your Jeongguk. He belonged to you. He was yours ever since he was born, and nobody will ever change that.

You’d make sure of it.

As the limo arrives, you, Hoseok and Namjoon all get into the car before it speeds away as far as possible from the club.

──────────

You spend the next couple of days at Hoseok’s apartment while he attempts to get the situation at the club sorted out. You’d told your parents you were staying with a friend from your service and so they didn’t ask many more questions.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Namjoon asks, sitting opposite you in the living room. He’d been visiting everyday since the incident. Hoseok had offered to lend him one of his spare bedrooms but the male refused. He just wanted to check up on you. You were advised not to wonder about outside until everything had settled down.

“The bastard was feeling him up.” You spit, and even though it had been a few days now since that night, the memory was raw and fresh as if it were happening right in front of you all over again. Hoseok had informed you that the guy did indeed die that night from blood loss. The footage had been deleted upon his request but your DNA was found on the scene and so Hoseok is currently discussing prices for sweeping everything under the rug.

You probably owe him a lifetime of debt for this. You make a mental note to thank him later, his muffled voice flowing through the other room as he spoke with someone on the phone. Namjoon raises a brow, urging you to continue. You remain silent and the male sighs.

“Come on, M/N-ah. I’m not here to judge or berate you. I wanna know what happened so I can help you.” He tries to reason. You can tell he’s been stressing over this as much as Hoseok has.

You pour him a glass of soju, sliding it across the table to him. It’s what you’d been drinking for the past few days yourself so you didn’t lose your damn mind wondering what happened to Jeongguk.

The way he’d just disappeared without saying a word to you. He hadn’t even tried to intervene in your fight, but well, he never usually did even when you were still kids. He did, however, wait for you.

Every time you were beating on his bullies, he would stay a safe distance away like you’d instructed and he’d wait until you were done, offering his hand through tear stained cheeks which you’d take before guiding him home. You would wipe his tears just before you’d open your front door, his face staining with the blood on your hands.

“He was feeling him up, Joon. Are you saying that wasn’t reason enough to beat his ass?” You ask, sitting up straighter. Namjoon grabs the glass of soju you’d poured for him and takes a big gulp.

“Did it look forced?”

Your eyebrows furrow. “What?”

“Did it look forced? Was Jeongguk struggling to get away from the guy?” He asks, watching you with a level gaze. Your eyes narrow, feeling like you were being interrogated.

“What are you, a cop? Why does it matter?” You shot back, and Namjoon notices you’re getting irritated by his line of questioning. He wasn’t trying to rile you up and so he lifts his hands in surrender.

“Look, M/N. You killed a guy that night. I told you before that I’d back you up no matter what, didn’t I? And I’m still holding you to that promise, but only if I know exactly what I’m getting myself into.” Namjoon says seriously, his usually calm and stoic demeanour now firm, “I need to know how you feel about him because from what I’ve seen so far, this bond runs deeper than brotherhood.”

The room is eerily quiet for a moment as Namjoon waits for your response. He gives you time to let the words sink in, your mind drifting into a sea of thoughts.

How did you feel about him?

Standing there by the bar, you remember the way your cock had twitched in your pants at the mere sight of him. The way you wish you could’ve run your fingers along his tan skin and pinch his nipples through that crop top, the way you wish you could’ve shoved him onto his knees to suck you off in front of everyone.

Your cock stirs again at all of these thoughts but your gaze never wavers from Namjoon’s patient one. You give him a half smile, lying back in your seat.

“If you have to ask me, you must already know the answer.”

And you watch with a tilted head as it dawns upon Namjoon in real time that his suspicions were correct. His lips part as if to say something, but for the first time, no words come out. He only nods instead.

“Anything else?”

He shakes his head, downing the last of his soju. He’s silent for a minute longer, staring down at the coffee table and seemingly trying to get his thoughts in order. It’s your turn to be patient as you wait for the knowledge of your answer to truly sink into his head.

And that’s also around about the time that Hoseok makes his entrance into the living room again, slightly relieved.

“Good news. The officer in charge of the case has agreed to sweep this situation under the rug for a reasonable compensation. You should be off the hook by the end of the day.” He states cheerily, looking between you and Namjoon before his smile drops into a confused look. “The fuck is going on with him?”

Namjoon was still processing your confession so you take over the conversation in his place, your eyes turning to Hoseok.

“Joon-ah was asking me about my feelings regarding Jeongguk.” You start, glancing at said male who looks back at you carefully, “I simply told him the truth.”

It takes Hoseok a second to understand what you were getting at before his lips part in an ‘O’ and he bursts out laughing.

“Woah, woah, wait. You didn’t know?” Hoseok asks in shock, making his way over to the both of you. Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, looking back at Hoseok and then you.

“He knew? You told him?” Namjoon asks, also disbelieving. You shrug half heartedly as Hoseok takes a seat beside him, slapping him on his shoulder.

“Dude, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Wasn’t it obvious? I mean, he’s been acting like some lovesick puppy ever since we first met. You’re dumb as fuck.” Hoseok comments, earning a slap on the back of his head from Namjoon who tsks.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You smirk, leaning forward to pour Hoseok, Namjoon and yourself a glass of soju again. You clink your glasses and take a sip.

“Seok-ah,” You say, and Hoseok nods, showcasing he’s listening, “Can you find out where he lives at all? An address I could visit?”

Hoseok gives you a look, sighing as he takes a long sip of his soju.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

──────────

Checking the address on your phone and the picture of the building attached to it, you compare the two to make sure you had the right place. Jeongguk apparently lived in a shabby apartment complex not too far from that club you’d visited, which made sense as to how he must’ve left so quickly. It wasn’t a very long walk.

The neighbourhood was noisy and smelt funny. The trash was overflowing near the bins as you made your way up the steps towards the entrance. The lightbulb was flickering and there was not a single security in sight. You open the glass doors into reception to see the person at the desk was fast asleep in an awkward angle on the chair.

Ignoring him, you decided to take the stairs to the second floor where Jeongguk lived. According to Hoseok, he lived just near the end of the hall, door number 108. Your heart was practically hammering in your chest as you walked past each door, closer and closer to the apartment which contained your beloved little brother behind its walls.

It’s when you’re standing right in front of his door that you begin second guessing yourself however.

Would he even want to see you? If the encounter at the club was anything to go by, he clearly wanted nothing to do with you.

But he could also just be upset. Perhaps all he needed was an apology and an explanation and you could make amends like old times. He was always quite forgiving with you. Namjoon had said he thought so too and he hadn’t even met Jeongguk.

You take a deep breath. You can see the light was switched on through the gap at the bottom of the door, meaning he was home. Your knuckles feel stiff as you raise them to knock on the door, your brain going into overdrive over all the possible consequences that this could lead to. Jeongguk could say he wants you out of his life forever and then what would you do? You’d have to listen to him, wouldn’t you?

Closing your eyes, you push these thoughts to the back of your head and knock on his door gently. Nothing happens for a second but then his honey voice speaks up through the door.

“Gimme a minute! I’m coming!” And you hear footsteps shuffle about inside the apartment as if in a hurry. You wonder what he could be possibly doing, perhaps tidying up the space a bit in what little time he could, having not expected any guests. A small smile crosses your lips at the thought, your fingers combing through your hair.

Soon, you hear his footsteps approaching closer and closer and you brace yourself, your body tensing. The door swings open, and your eyes instantly meet with brown hues curtained by auburn bangs that fall over Jeongguk’s eyes. Your lips pull into a bright, charming smile of their own accord at witnessing your little brother’s face up close after so long but he doesn’t reciprocate.

The polite and yet embarrassed bunny smile plastered on his lips vanished immediately upon realising it was you stood on his front doorstop and your heart sinks at his reaction. His eyes had turned cold and hostile, his lips pulling into a deep frown. You barely had time to even register what he was wearing before the door began to swing close, and you had to snap out of your thoughts in order to wedge yourself through the gap enough so that he couldn’t close it fully.

He did not take kindly to this gesture, attempting to shove you away with as much force as he could muster but you’d always been bigger and stronger than him. He had no chance against you, especially not after taking into account your military training now.

“Jeongguk-ah, I just wanna talk to you! Why are you being like this?”

He doesn’t reply, still attempting to shove you out so that he can close the door. He growls when his efforts only seem to go in vain because you don’t budge an inch, watching him with saddened eyes. He’s never acted this way with you before. You’d never seen him so upset with you.

“Let me in, hm? I just want to talk. I haven’t seen you in months.” You reason, your hand wrapping around the edge of the door to push it open further. Jeongguk tries to unhook your fingers.

“Fuck! off!” He says with force, and it’s the first words to leave his mouth since you’d last seen him. They were words of pure hatred and venom, nothing like the soft spoken honeyed voice that usually greeted you like you were the only man that existed on this earth.

What did you do to receive so much hate from him? Why wouldn’t he just talk to you?

“Is this how it’s gonna be? You won’t even tell me what’s going on with you anymore? You’re gonna shut me out?”

“I have nothing to say to you. Who the fuck even are you to me?!” He exclaims, fury burning in his eyes and veins. You think you even see hints of tears welling up in those doe eyes and it weakens you. You just want to hold him close.

“Jeong-” As you go to comfort him, he pushes you with renewed vigour that has you stumbling back in shock. He’s panting now, tears along his lash line as he watches you.

“Leave before I call the cops.” And with that, he slams the door shut in your face. You could barely comprehend what had just happened, your mind racing with images of how he’d looked at you just then, the way he spoke so harshly to you like you’d betrayed him.

It made you want to kill yourself to be the reason for Jeongguk’s distress. You didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You stare at the 108 plated on his door, knowing he was still there on the other side. You didn’t want to leave. You couldn’t leave. He can call the cops if he wishes to. You weren’t going anywhere.

It was a pathetic move but you decided to settle yourself in front of his door, back pressed to it with a sigh, fingers tugging on the roots of your hair in frustration. He was being so stubborn and you didn’t understand why or what you’d done to cause this. You just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be with him.

You don’t know how long you’d sat there in front of his door before you were sound asleep, your body fatigued from the stress and cold air that seemed to seep through into the hallway.

──────────

Hours later, your eyes flutter open to be met with a cream coloured ceiling. Your vision is still bleary from having just woken up and you blink a few times, a little dazed and confused as you look around at your surroundings.

You were in some sort of living room, looking down to see your body laid out on a couch that wasn’t big enough to fit the entirety of you in, your calves dangling over the edge. The TV was on, the telecast showcasing a news reporter talking about the incident at the club. The smell of laundry detergent and matcha wafted in the air, only confusing you further.

You start to sit up, noticing you were dressed in your clothes from yesterday and that’s when you remember your encounter with Jeongguk from yesterday, how you had accidentally fallen asleep on his doorstep. And it’s like Jeongguk senses your recollection because he enters the living room with a cup of warm tea exactly then, seeming unfazed when your eyes meet his and they widen.

“G-guk?” You ask, wondering whether you were still on his front doorstep fast asleep and this was just a very lucid dream. He doesn’t say anything, instead placing the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of you.

Why is it every place had a coffee table these days?

You stare down at the tea for a moment. Jeongguk had made this with his very own hands for you and it makes your heart swell, but you’re still confused, looking up to see him standing a few feet away now with crossed arms.

“Guk-ah, I-I wanted to talk to you. Can we talk?” You ask, hopeful. His stance is firm, he doesn’t give anything away.

“Drink your tea. I want you gone before 10.” He says, glancing over at the clock resting above his door that reads 9:20am. You follow his gaze and your shoulders slump in defeat, having thought he was finally willing to talk after this gesture.

“What did I do to upset you?” You ask lowly, and you notice the way he tenses at the question, attempting to maintain eye contact. “You hate me and I don’t even know why. You won’t talk to me so how can I know what’s wrong, Guk-ah? I need to know what I did before I can fix my mistake.”

“I told you to drink your tea and leave. I didn’t give you permission to ask me questions.” He spits, working his jaw. He was wearing an oversized white shirt that spilled over his shoulder and plain grey joggers. You stand up slowly, deciding this might just be the only chance you’ll have at getting the truth out of him.

Jeongguk starts to become cautious as he watches you tower to your full height, as if you were some sort of threat. It was beginning to irritate you more than upset you now, you didn’t understand his reactions. You’d never hurt him.

“Are you scared of me? Me?” You ask in disbelief, moving around the coffee table. He holds his hand out, taking a step back.

“Don’t come any closer. I’m warning you. I’ll scream.” He says, trying to sound firm but his voice comes out shaky as he takes a deep breath. You watch him, analysing if he would really go to such extremes to keep you away. You take a step forward.

Jeongguk doesn’t scream.

“Stay back! Are you fucking deaf? I brought you in here because I felt some pity. Don’t make me regret it.”

You ignore him, taking another step forward. Jeongguk backs away again, keeping his hand up. There were tears welling up in his eyes but they didn’t seem to be from fear, moreso out of desperation that you’d listen to his pleas.

“I’m not gonna keep doing this, Guk. You know I won’t hurt you. You’re my little brother. I want us to be okay again. That’s all I want.” You tell him honestly, taking another step forward. You keep your hands in front of you, raised ever so slightly so he knows you’re not a threat. He continues to back away until he’s pressed up against the wall, and you take that as your opportunity to cage him. He realises this and he cries, those tears flowing freely now.

“Stay back! Please, please, hyung! I can’t have you near me. Stay back. Please!” He cries, and you freeze mere inches from him. The hand he’d held up to keep you away pressed against your chest as he looks down, trying to control his emotions. You’d only ever seen him break down like this over his bullies, when he’d come to you to ask for help.

“Gugie…” Your own voice breaks at the sight, and the beloved nickname that Jeongguk had heard so many times makes him cry harder, his fingers bunching up the fabric of your shirt tightly almost like he was trying to ground himself. You couldn’t hold back then, pulling him close and wrapping him up in your strong arms, shushing his cries gently as you placed a kiss to his auburn waves.

“My baby,” You comfort, your voice soft and loving even after all the things he’d said to you, the way he treated you. It didn’t matter to you because you knew he was hurting. You wanted to help him. He wraps his arms around your waist, crying into your shoulder so hard he was practically shaking. You place kisses along his temple, letting him cry. You could tell he’d been holding it in for a while.

You guide him over to the couch when he begins to settle down a little bit, wiping his tears away with the pads of your thumb and pushing a stray strand of auburn hair behind his ear. You caress his cheek as he holds your wrist, his eyes looking between both of yours in a back and forth motion.

“Talk to me, baby,” You tell him, and his grip tightens on your wrist, his eyes landing on his lap. Your eyebrows furrow, lifting his chin so that he was facing you again. “Nothing to be afraid of. I’ve got your back, haven’t I?” You say, a small smile on your lips.

Surprisingly, he mirrors it with a small nod and it makes you want to kiss him until you’re both breathless. He takes a deep breath, inching closer to you, always finding safety in your presence.

“I-I’m sorry for not checking up on you during your service.” He starts weakly, and you shake your head. You knew it wasn’t his fault, but you don’t interrupt him. You needed to know what had happened while you were away. “Appa said I would only serve as a distraction to you if I called you all the time.

“He’d take my phone during those hours when he knew you could call, hyung. I-I wanted to reach out somehow so I tried to-” He takes a deep breath and you wrap an arm around his shoulders. “I tried to sneak my phone back from him. When he realised what I was trying to do… he-he hurt me. He would hit me over and over until-”

There was a sudden, loud ringing in your ears, cutting off the rest of Jeongguk’s sentence as it doubled down on those few words.

He hurt me. He would hit me over and over.

Your father hurt him. You’d promise to protect Jeongguk from harm and yet your father hurt him and you weren’t there to keep your promise.

No wonder he didn’t want anything to do with you. The thought itself was making you feel sick and queasy, like you shouldn’t even have the right to touch him, hold him like you’re doing. Jeongguk notices you lost in thought, and he shakes you gently, his grip loosely holding onto your shirt.

“Was-was it the same?” You ask quietly, and Jeongguk knows what you mean. He nods, slowly moving to turn around so that his back was facing you and with shaky fingers, you watch as he pulls his shirt over his head to reveal valleys of scars lining every possible expanse of skin on his back, many of them interconnecting and others looking like they’ve been reopened more than once.

He did this. He hurt Jeongguk in the exact manner he hurt you when you disobeyed his rules, grabbing his belt in a fit of uncontrolled rage that wouldn’t disappear until there was blood spilling onto the floor. You never cared when it happened to you, but right now, as your fingers gently trace the lines on his back and see the way Jeongguk flinches every now and again, your blood boils beneath your skin.

You would not let him get away with this.

“I ran away after a little while. It was when he’d caught me trying on some of eomma’s makeup. I… I didn’t feel like I could call you after all of that. I didn’t want you to see how I’d ended up.” He says, finding it just that little bit easier to speak when he wasn’t facing you. You weren’t sure how to explain it to him.

You never cared about all of these supposed flaws that Jeongguk believed he had.

Watching as his shoulders rise and fall somewhat unevenly, you make a choice. You shuffle closer to him, your fingers grazing his shoulders and gliding down to his arms before you place a kiss on the scar that travels just below the nape of his neck. He shivers, a little startled but not shocked. He doesn’t move away.

“Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?” You whisper along the shell of his ear. You place another kiss there and then another on a scar that curves against his shoulder blade. Jeongguk clutches at his joggers, his bottom lip between his teeth as he tries to hold in any unwanted noises. He knew there had always been something between you two… something more than brotherly affection, but he’d lost hope that you’d ever act upon it.

He never thought such a day would come.

You never thought he’d reciprocate your feelings.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. My back- it’s not something anybody would want to see. It’s disgusting.” He says, and you pause, leaning forward to turn Jeongguk’s head to face you, your lips inches apart.

“You could never disappoint me. I love you.” You confess easily, without hesitation. Jeongguk is doubtful, his eyes searching yours for any signs that you were simply saying these things to make him feel better, but there was only love. Pure, unadulterated love swimming in your eyes as you looked down at him. It made him want to cry again, his hand reaching up to cup your cheek.

“I love you too, hyung. I’ve only ever loved you.” He says, and taking his first brave step, he turns around and leans in to place his lips against yours, instantly letting out a small mewl when you return his kiss with a fierce longing that sets your heart alight. His fingers reach down to curl around the fabric of your shirt, tugging you closer, and you take this as your initiative to trail your kisses along his cheek, towards his jaw, and down his throat.

Jeongguk’s eyes roll back, his head tilted just enough to allow your lips to devour his caramel skin greedily, his fingers moving to tug on the roots of your hair.

“Hyung…” He whispers, his hot breath fanning your ear and causing you to groan against his skin. You pull away, your forehead pressing to his lightly. He opens his eyes, breath heaving as he stares at you in a way you wish to wake up to every morning.

“Drink your tea. I put a lot of effort in that, y’know.” He says, smiling that incredibly adorable bunny smile that you missed as he cups both of your cheeks. You mirror his smile with one of your own and Jeongguk thinks his heart might’ve skipped multiple beats in the span of four seconds.

You continue to stare at him, completely enamoured with a full heart to see him like this, to be on better terms and to hold him in your arms and kiss him like a lover, to have him want this just as much as you.

Your father would be sent to an early grave if he were to see the two of you now. Your mother probably wouldn’t be very far behind.

“Can I stay here with you for the day?” You ask, hopeful. Jeongguk doesn’t even need time to consider, thumbing at your skin as he pecks your lips with a nod. You almost can’t believe it so you have to ask again. Jeongguk rolls his eyes but a small amused smile makes its way onto his lips.

He pushes some of your hair back, now placing a kiss on your forehead and then your nose and then both of your cheeks.

“Yes, idiot. You’re my hyung. You can stay here as long as you like.”

And you cage him under you with a smile, earning a surprised squeak from the younger before he laughs and moves to easily rip your shirt off of you.

──────────

Nobody says anything.

The room is dead silent save for the breathless pants that leave Jeongguk’s lips as he grinds into your lap, his layered denim jeans stretching to accommodate his thighs on either side of you.

Hoseok sits in his same spot to your left on a single couch, his index and thumb resting beneath his chin as he watches the way Jeongguk envelopes you like a moth to a flame, his mouth traversing your collarbones to add to the art he’d left there just last night. He was intrigued, perhaps even a little turned on, shifting in his seat to get a better view.

Both of your bodies were littered with marks of passion. It had been five days now since you and Jeongguk had reconciled back in his apartment and he hadn’t spared a moment’s hesitation to drill himself down on your cock whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Waking up to him on top of you, kissing your naked skin as he jerked you off lazily in the mornings, fucking him hard against the kitchen counter and holding him close to you as he cooked lunch in the afternoon, watching him as he writhed beneath rivulets cascading down his body within the confines of a late night steamy shower, spreading his cheeks far apart as you ate him out like dessert after dinner.

It was as if the two of you were making up for all of that time spent apart, and even now, having left the apartment for the first time together so you could introduce Jeongguk to your two friends, he wouldn’t relent. He just wanted you, you, you.

The guards scattered around the room keep their gazes fixed on anything but the two of you making out on the couch, uncomfortable at the knowledge that you were siblings—real, blood bound siblings kissing each other so raunchily, whispering dirty promises, groping exposed flesh and licking drops of perspiration trickling down a hickey-filled neck.

Some of them however, couldn’t possibly get enough. Some of them angle their necks to get a better view much like Hoseok, trying to ingrain the memory into their heads for a chance to jerk off to it later.

But then, Namjoon clears his throat expectantly and certain individuals in the room deflate as they watch the two of you pull apart whilst others sigh a silent breath of relief. A string of saliva stretches between your lips and Jeongguk’s eyes sparkle as he stares, slightly dazed as he kisses you one last time.

Your thumb swipes across his swollen lips when he pulls away, wiping any remnants of evidence that may cause a change to the plans you had initially come here for. Jeongguk takes this opportunity to capture your thumb between his lips, his tongue swirling over the pad of it and sucking gently.

He was dangerous like that, you’d come to learn. He was tempting, always knew when to strike at just the right moment. Your head tilts, watching the way he sucks on your thumb and looks up at you through his lashes with the hint of a devious smirk. You knew what he wanted his actions to look like.

You were almost caught in his trap until Namjoon spoke up, having realised the two of you hadn’t quite stopped.

“Did you invite us here for a free show or…”

And that’s when Jeongguk finally stops, pulling away from you as he glances back at Namjoon who watches him with curiosity. He proceeds to turn to you again, pecking your lips one last time, beckoning you to lean in for a deeper kiss, but Jeongguk then shifts so that he’s sitting beside you before you can make another move. You huff at his cheekiness, running your fingers through your hair as you settle back in your seat, the boner in your slacks obvious and yet ignored.

Your gaze drifts between Namjoon’s and Hoseok’s, studying them for a moment. Hoseok’s gleaming eyes are fixed upon Jeongguk who, even as an adult now, still shies away from making eye contact with strangers, instead playing with the fabric of your slacks. Namjoon is more polite, merely giving him a once over before taking a sip of his vodka.

“Guys, I want you to meet my baby brother.” You introduce, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulders. You play with his hair but Jeongguk is startled at your confession, his head snapping up to look at you with wide eyes. He didn’t expect you to tell your friends you were siblings, at least not after the display the two of you had just put on.

Who knows how they would react at the information? This wasn’t some casual conversation about—your chuckle however, breaks Jeongguk out of his little panic. You place a kiss on his temple.

“Don’t worry. They know.” You tell him, a look of expectation crossing your face as you face your friends once more, a mere brow cocked. They don’t need further explanations, Hoseok’s lips parting into a hearty smile as he lifts his hand in a small wave.

“We’re not here to judge or anything. M/N’s told us all about you.” Hoseok assures. “I think it’s cute what you guys have. You obviously seem to love each other very much and who am I to get in the way of that, right? Don’t worry. You can do whatever you want. We support you.”

Namjoon finishes his glass of vodka and settles it down on the table. “I’d also like to add that I don’t think your brother would’ve spared us our lives if we were anything but supportive. He’s really protective over you. He wouldn’t have introduced you to us if he had any doubts about that. He loves you dearly.”

Your lips form a small smile at their words, hoping Jeongguk found comfort in them as you crane your neck to gauge his reaction. You notice his ears have turned a light pink shade, making you want to nibble on them but you refrain from doing so for now. You nudge him a little teasingly.

“He’s shy around strangers, aren’t you? Guk-ah, these are my friends, Namjoon,” You say, jutting your chin to the man in front of you, “And Hoseok.” You gesture to the other. Jeongguk’s doe eyes lift under his bangs, bowing slightly in greeting to them. Hoseok coos, clearly smitten.

“What a cutie.”

Dismissing the comment however, you get serious. One leg crossed over the other. Hoseok and Namjoon barely need a moment before they’re sitting up straighter. Even with you being the youngest amongst the three, they regarded you with caution and respect, always listening to your whims and assisting you with bails. There was just a commanding aura about you, like now as you pondered silently.

“I’ve told you about my parents,” You start, earning Jeongguk’s attention too as he eyes you curiously at the mention of your mother and father. Hoseok and Namjoon merely nod, allowing you to continue. “I need a favour. There’s… certain things that have come to light… that have taken place while I was enlisted. Jeongguk, baby, could you show them what you showed me?”

And both Hoseok and Namjoon’s gazes follow yours as you stare down at the younger with raised brows. His eyes widen for the second time that night, knowing immediately what you were talking about. It does ache you to see him panic like this but you cup his cheeks and press a reassuring kiss to his lips, nibbling on his bottom lip.

“It’s okay. I’m right here with you.”

He hesitates, clutching your arm as he glances at your friends who try to come off as sweet and unthreatening as possible.

“It’s okay.” You whisper once more in his ear, and Jeongguk lets out a shaky sigh, clutching your arm tighter before loosening his grip as he stands. You keep a light touch on the back of his calf as he gulps, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room before he takes his top off first and turns around.

You hear Hoseok hiss at the sight first as you reach your hand out for Jeongguk to hold. He intertwines his fingers with yours tightly, grateful. Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, a heat brimming in his eyes at the scars lining all across Jeongguk’s back. There wasn’t a single expanse of skin that was left unharmed.

“What the fuck is wrong with that man?” Namjoon growls out. The bodyguards scattered around the room themselves are in just as much shock at the sight. They’ve never seen anything like it.

“We’re not done just yet.” You seethe, nodding to Jeongguk and squeezing his hand before letting go. His eyes are brimming with tears at the memories that surface again but he does what he knows you want and starts to unbutton his jeans, dropping them to the floor where they pool around his feet.

It’s upsetting. From the evidence alone, it’s easy to visualise the pain that Jeongguk had endured at the hands of his father, the scars travelling along his ankles and up towards the innermost parts of his thighs where they disappear beneath his boxers. Even sitting down must’ve been agonising the following days. Walking, putting on a pair of trousers, bathing, all of it. It was like medieval torture brought back into modern times.

Jeongguk’s vulnerabilities aren’t something you want to overly expose to your friends—not to anyone, and so after a moment you stand up to pull Jeongguk’s denim jeans up, buttoning them for him and assisting him with putting his shirt on too. His are still brimming with tears as he looks up at you, bottom lip trapped between his teeth to stop it from quivering.

“You did so well, my love. Thank you for being so brave.” You tell him, brushing his hair back as you cup his cheeks. His fingers fist the fabric of your shirt, searching your eyes, and you understand exactly what he needs. You lean down to press your lips against his, causing him to moan quietly into your mouth, tugging you closer. You allow yourself to indulge him in this, knowing it wasn’t easy for him to let down his walls in front of complete strangers like this.

Once he’s satisfied and pulls away, you smile down at him, tapping his chin.

“I’ve gotta talk to Namjoon and Hoseok hyung here in private about something for a bit. Will you be okay in the other room? I’ll have one of the guards go with you.” You say. Jeongguk frowns, not wanting to leave your side but he knows better than to throw a tantrum right now. He nods, although the pout on his lips tells you he’s not going because he wants to.

“Don’t be long.” He tells you once you’ve picked out a suitable guard, making his way into the other room with one last glance thrown your way.

Once the door to the room is closed, your eyes narrow, turning back to your friends. You don’t sit down, your hands move to rest behind your back, and the two men think they know exactly what words are sitting at the top of your tongue before they’re even out.

“Boys, I think it’s time for a bloodbath.”

And Hoseok stands with a commending smile, making his way over to give you a hug.

“Seems we’ve got Brother of the Year here with this guy. I’m in, dude. Anything for you and your cute little Jeonggukie.”

You and Hoseok look over at Namjoon then, who also stands up, pouring himself a glass of vodka as he raises it in cheers. “Usually, I wouldn’t condone murder but this time, I’m right there with you. Let’s make the bastards burn.”

You smirk.

Oh, they’ll burn alright.

TAGLIST ───── @jungkookthevampireslayer , @unguilty

[leondickrider]

fluff alphabet ౨ৎ leon s kennedy x gn!reader

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 || working on sm leon fanfics at once ! i made this in like 20 minutes so it prolly sucks but idc!! nsfw alphabet coming soon :3

𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 || fluff (obvi), not proofread or read by betas

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 || deinking mentioned, none

𝐗𝐎𝐗𝐎 || leon s kennedy mlist 🎀 @starzu

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

leon really loves just kicking back and relaxing with his s/o. after soo many life-threatening missions, he just wants to kick back on the sofa with his s/o in his arms and binge watch some tv. however, he also really loves taking they all the places they want to visit, whether it's a concert or a museum

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

everything, literally finds every inch of his s/o perfect and beautiful. but, he really loves their hands, especially if they are soft and smaller because it's the opposite of his hands that are rough from so much fighting and training. also finds their eyes beautiful, will literally hold contact for hours if he could

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

refer back to re4r how leon comforted ashley. he's really good at comforting you and will do anything to help cheer you up. 2 am emotional binge sesh? he's driving to the shoppe and buying you ice cream and frost and drizzle or syrup and sprinkles and brownie bits and cookies and and potato chips and and cheeseburgers and fries and tater tots and cheese and everything (i'm on a rlly strict diet so this is deadass just me listing foods i want rn) 5 pm cry sesh? he already has the tissues, blankets, stuffies and tear-jerking movies ready

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

in 1998, leon would dream about having a totally normal relationship with you. big suburban house, a couple kids. but after the raccoon city, he kind of changed his dreams. he still craves the normal, domestic life, but now he kinda envisions it as just you and him. not that he doesn't want kids, he just doesn't want them to be in such a dangerous world

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

i think he'd be more dominant in relationships when it comes to most things. not dominant in a weird, controlling way. but he would want his s/o to come to him before making any big decisions simply bc he probably brings home the bacon with his government paycheck. but other than financially, he's pretty passive, he really doesn't care what you do as long as you don't do like porn or like cheat

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

depends honestly; most fights he will forgive you, but sometimes he really holds it against you and just shuts you out for a while before resuming as if nothing happened. however, when he snaps and lets words he doesn't mean to get out, he will apologize so much. even if you forgive him, he doesn't believe it and will buy you everything

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

very grateful! in 1998-2013 and after vendetta specifically. he realizes that you help keep him happy pretty fast. if you're in raccoon city with him then he probably felt a lot better and more confident. (def not bc he wanted to show off in front of his partner!!) in 2004 he is soo grateful you were willing to stay with him even with the job he ended up with and with all the training he had to get. in vendetta i think that's when he might seem ungrateful cuz of his drinking.... but yeah after all that he's back to normal

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

a lot of secrets :(

mainly about work though, cuz unless you're an agent he literally cannot legally get into the details with you. he keeps secrets abt his drinking too, like you know he drinks but you don't know how much he drinks.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

yes! he became more confident in himself because like being in a relationship makes him feel like somebody wants him, so he gains sm self confidence and actually wants to be stronger so he can return home from missions !

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

i think he gets jealous pretty easily. he will get a bit jealous if a person look at you twice, or somebody flirts. but part of him thinks you deserve somebody better so he doesn't ever tell you about his jealousy, you gotta hring it up first

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

a very good kisser!! every single kiss is filled w sm love and affection and passion <3 mainly bc he doesn't really know when it will be the last kiss :(

first kiss was really special even though it was spontaneous. it was in the late hours of the night, the whole apartment dark except for the tv light. and you were slow dancing to some random song when suddenly the mood felt right and he kisses you MANSBSHH (this is based on my first kiss with my ex ....)

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

he doesn't really confess first, he drops subtle hints that he has feelings for you and just gopes you catch onto his words

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

yes, going back to dream. he thinks about marriage all the time, he likes the idea of having a cute lil spouse to come home too after grueling missions

he proposes totally out of nowhere. he originally had a plan, he was going to take you on a romantic vacation before proposing to you while there. but he chickened out last second, so after several other attempts (that he backed out of last minute) he finally had enough. and then one morning he got down on one knee after buying you a ton of donuts

marriage is really good. he's such husband material. overprotective but not too overprotective. possessive but not too possessive. you know what i'm saying?

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

sticks to the classics most of the time: babe, baby, love, sweetheart, etc etc. lots of italian pet names

however when he's sweet he really branches out: sweet girl/boy, lovie, lovebug, cuddlebug, pretty

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

oh my gosh, this man is so lovey-dovey. literally heart eyes for you. but he forces himself to stay serious even thought other people easily know he's all your's. he doesn't talk much when it's just you and him, preferring to just sit silently across from you and listen to you. and that's what makes it obvious to others since normally he doesn't pay attention and always says his dad jokes or says something stupid

he expresses his feelings by like... yeah.... not being annoying i guess

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

hmm, he doesn't really like pda due to his job. he knows he has enemies who are after him, but most don't really know about you since they don't really look into that. however, when he's off work, he'll take you into cities and his hand in always on you, whether he's holding your hand, or his hand is planted on your hip/waist. just makes him feel better

he brags about you to all of his friends. chris hears about it nonstop while leon is drunk (and he sobs after bc the redfield bloodline.) "sure that looks nice on them but you know who would look better in it? my s/o." "oh, my s/o has that same necklace, i bought it for them in paris." (😭)

he doesn't really care after the missions. esp if he got close to death, he is all over you the second he sees you. he doesn't care who is watching or who sees, he is literally holding you as if you were dying

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

he knows whenever you are upset. doesn't even need to hear you speak. literally can just tell from your footsteps or your posture

also, he's really quiet so when you are having your moments he's able to sneak around withhout setting you off (please i get so annoyed when people are loud when i'm mad)

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

yes

he will do everything to make his s/o happy

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

it really depends on your goals. if your goal is to become famous on onlyfans (aimed) then he probably wouldn't really help cuz well why would he?

he believes in you to an extent, he's brutally honest sometimes so... yeah... if you're dumb he will tell you that you're dumb (in a nice way) but he tries his best to support you 💀

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

there's no such thing as routine with this man other than his exercise routine 

Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

he knows you better than you do. this man literally buys whatever you're craving like a week before you even ask fo it. he knows exactly what album or movie or video game you're going to beg him to buy so he already got you it

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

literally his top pirority. it goes you, his friends, him. he always puts you ahead of himself in everything and values your life sm more than his own :(

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

everytime he returns from his missions, he always comes home with your favorite snack and an expensive bouquet of your favorite flowers (if you get the expensive bouquet reference jtm)

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

yes, he is so touch starved and can cuddle all day if you let him. he kisses you a lot as well

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

he always carries a little polaroid of you snd him cuddles together on the sofa (taken before 1998 for draamtic effect) and just looks at it for a little bit

he also bought a small bottle of your fav purfume/fragrance and always takes it with him on missions, aweet boy :)

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

this man would literally take a bullet for you !! A BULLET !!

reblogs appreciated always ♡

i'm making a ghost ver of this as well since i love him sm !! :))

[cherrieflavouredheadcanons]

I've fallen in love with Fontaine and especially Neuvillete so I had to write my thoughts about him down. I hope you all enjoy my Neuvillette ramblings

CW: None GN Reader

Romantic/ Cute Neuvillette headcanons

Awkward. Neuvillete was so awkward when he first fell for you. He may be a very old dragon but human emotions still often confuse him so suddenly having this warm feeling in his chest whenever he looked at you confused him on what to do.

At first he thinks he is getting sick, not connecting the fact that this weird feeling in his chest and stomach only appears when either you are around or he is thinking about you.

Though Neuvillette finally makes the connection and understands his feeling, when one day you laugh at something he said and he wishes to preserve that laugh, to have it always replaying in his head. It is the most beautiful sound to him and he is willing to do anything just so he can hear it again. You of course laughed around him before but somehow the moment he understood his feelings your laugh became even more special to him.

Furina teases him that it took long enough to realise his feelings for you, and that if he had taken any longer she’d probably have intervened, so let's all be glad Neuvillete realised it on his own. 

Once you two are finally an official couple he is so gentle with you. It's almost as if he is afraid that any touch that may be a bit rougher would hurt you. 

Also he is such a gentleman. He holds the doors open for you, he always makes sure to walk on the outer side of the sidewalk, pulls out your chair for you. He is just the perfect man.

Though if you think his awkwardness stopped once you two became an official couple I have to disappoint you. While he sees many couples near the Fountain of Lucine and sees how they interact with each other he is rather clueless himself on what to do in a Relationship.

He may be over 100 years old but he had never been in a relationship with anyone, yet alone a human so you have to be patient and show him what humans in relationships do.

This is how he learned that he loves cuddling and being physically close to you. Neuvillette enjoys the feeling of having you in his arms and holding you close. If you lay your head on his chest when he holds you close you will be able to hear that his heart is beating faster than normal. This happens regardless of how long you have been dating each other. It’s honestly adorable that even after months and years of dating you still have that effect on him.

Now we all know he is the hydro dragon, and we also all know that it rains when he cries, even if he does try to hide his tears around others, the rain speaks for him.

It almost seems as if he is inconsolable when he cries, seeing as it takes a while for the rain to let up. That is until you are there with Neuvillette when he cries. You hug him and hold him close to you, running your hand through his hair and let him cry it out. Sometimes you repeat one of the many rhymes Fontaines kids speak whenever it rains since it has the ability to make him smile.

“Rain, Rain Go away. Come again another day. Lonely dragon it will be okay. So rain, rain go away.” It may sound childish but he believes it when you say it will be okay, because he knows that as long as he has you close to him, he can get through anything.

Ever since you are there for Neuvillette, the skies appear to be even brighter after it rains, the people of Fontaine joking that the hydro dragon must have found someone who is able to brighten his mood, even after the stormiest days. Oh if they knew how right they are.

Neuvillette was unsure at first how the Melusines would react to you, he was basically their father so what if they for some reason didn't like you? Would he have to choose between you and them? 

Luckily for him (and you) the Melusines love you, and have basically now adopted you as their second parental figure, so congratulations you are now a parent to a bunch of Melusines!

[takotakigum]

our time — itoshi rin.

characters: itoshi rin x gn!reader

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, established relationships, implied hurt/comfort, and parent!reader&rin.

word count: 900

synopsis: one of the struggles rin first faced in parenthood is not being able to understand the main reason why his little one is crying.

aged up characters | please read at your own risk!

your baby has one of the worst meltdowns the world has ever seen—at least, the worst rin has ever thought of.

the first time it happens, rin doesn’t know what to do.

“why’re you still crying?” rin looks at your kid, whose hands are roughly rubbing at their eyelids. as careful as he can, he tries to pry it away from their face, scared it might irritate and wound the skin. “come on.” rin tries to carry your kid from the living room floor, although they stubbornly stay seated on the ground. naturally, with rin’s strength, he could easily lift them up with ease; however, you suddenly go off the couch, sitting down on the floor with your little one.

immediately, your baby rushes to you. their eyes seeking comfort in your shoulder while their hands squeeze at the fabric of your clothing. rin sees the little one’s body crumble on your lap, crying hurtfully louder, even though their mouth is muffled by your chest.

“what’s wrong?” rin asks in a rather stern voice, still unsure of what to do. his body is stiff, knuckles almost turning white as he grips at the edge of the leather seating. “…..” even you don’t answer, your shushed hums to your baby still gets overlapped with their crying.

as time ticks slower than possible, rin’s leg bounces anxiously. and soon enough, he’s unable to hear the prominent sobbing from your kid, just the lightest hiccups from a sore throat.

your hand retracts from your baby’s back and onto rin’s knee, gesturing your husband to sit down on the floor with you. and he does, he immediately sits down beside you; wanting to hold the little one yet his hands stops midway when he sees you shake your head.

worriedly, rin tilts his head, but nonetheless moves a few inches away. you almost frown, letting out a short sigh before rin takes it as a sign to get closer once more.

“what happened?” when rin is sure your baby finally calmed down and has droopy eyes, he asks. “got overwhelmed, i think.” you play with the loose threads of your baby’s clothes, twirling it around your hand as you try and lean your body closer to them for comfort. “huh? about what exactly?” rin recalls how the living room was quiet, not overbearing at all—just like the way it always was. however, the second rin averted his eyes from his kid playing and rolling around on the floor, he heard loud wails from them. “who knows. no one really understands what’s happening in their heads, right?” the anxious knot plastered on rin’s eyebrow worsens, but one glance at your now smiling face eases it up a bit.

“then how can we help? how are we meant to know?” his voice is soft, too quiet for your baby to even hear. “we don’t know, nor can we help the way they want us to. but it’s alright. it’s all over now.” you look at the previously fisted hand crumpling your shirt start to loosen, your little one’s fingers relaxing. carefully, you hope it’s only right to fix your baby’s messy, dark green hair.

“what? that’s it?” rin continues, he’d rather do something—anything, really—than merely sit down and watch his little one cry helplessly. “yes, that’s it. it’s normal, don’t worry about it much; just experiencing heightened emotions…err i think?” rin could only nod, watching you attentively, yet still bothered.

although rin would prefer not to worry you even more with his overthinking and lack of parental knowledge. in hindsight, you really don’t mind.

your baby suddenly blabbers, mumbling something beyond the understanding of any humane language. “hm?” you rub your knuckles on your baby’s swollen cheek softly. they pout, arms hitting your chest for attention. “yes?” then, the baby looks at your husband with grabby hands, and rin’s eyes widen.

“wanna go there, baby?” suddenly, your baby makes a sound of agreement. however, it seems that if you didn’t give them to rin at this very moment they’ll start crying again. rin opens his arms stiffly, and despite it, your little one practically jumps off your arms and into his.

within seconds, the anxious air of the room eases little by little. and soon enough, your baby’s cheek is snugly fit on the juncture of rin’s neck and shoulders. “tired baby.” rin mumbles, and you poke at his cheek for it. as rin embraces your baby, you stand up from the floor, grabbing one of rin’s hands steadily to bring him up on his feet too.

“i still don’t get why you cried so suddenly.” rin directs at the little one as the sways of his body lull your baby into a deeper slumber is beyond careful. “don’t act like you never cried when you were that young!” you whisper back, giggling. “but i never did- i know it.” the tips of rin’s ears are heating up, you both know it.

dare you say it’s because of the way you wrap your arms around rin’s abdomen from the back and not because of his embarrassment. “whatever you say.” you sigh with a faint smile on your face.

with one last glance at your sleeping baby, you kiss their forehead, light enough to not awaken them. from the corner of your eye, you see the same pout your baby once made in front of you—however this time, it’s on rin’s face.

and so, the moment your gentle, loving lips flutters against rin’s nose, cheeks, forehead, and mouth—what’s ever left of the tense air dissipates and gets replaced with something rin loves more than anything in the world:

the feeling of never ending warmth given to him by none other than himself, his own little one, and of course, lover.

© takotakigum | do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works.

[inlovewithpandora]

- One Of Them -

Pairing: Sully Family x fem!human!reader || Kiri x twin!sister!reader

Request: [ @avatar4eva ] Hello, I was wondering if I could request a Sully Family x Kiri’s Human Twin Sister, where the reader is being raised by the scientists along with Spider. And as she gets older, she starts being jealous of Kiri because she has a family while she doesn’t. One day she overhears Neytiri talking to Jake about her saying that she rather the reader stays away from them while she hangs out with her sister and the Sully children. So, the reader gets upset and runs off into the forest and gets violently attacked by a thanator. The ending is to you if she lives or dies.🤭 Thank you for all the amazing work that you have made, much love to you🫶🏾🫶🏾

Synopsis: You were slightly envious of your sister Kiri because she had the life you wanted, a loving family. Neytiri was a mother figure to you but that all shattered when you heard the hateful things she said about you.

Content: Full angst, Hurt w/ no comfort, reader attacked by thanator (descriptive), mention of injuries/wounds, mention of blood, crying, emotional read

Author’s Note: thank you for requesting! I’m sorry it took so long to complete but it’s here! This is my first Sully Family work so I was excited to write it (especially since I like angst). I hope it meets your expectations and that you enjoy🩷!

Word Count: 1.7k

Glossary: Palulukan - Thanator || Yerik - Hexapede

Extra: Requests are open! Please read rules before requesting! || Likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated🩷!

Links: Navigation || Avatar Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

Being raised by the scientists with Spider wasn’t your idle choice. It’s not that you didn’t like Spider, Norm, or Max because you do, but you wish you could’ve been raised with your sister and her family. Every time you see Kiri and her family bonding or doing normal domestic things, you feel a little envious because you wish you had a family like hers, just people who are blood relatives and look similar to you. Yes, Kiri is your blood sister, but she’s Na’vi, a hybrid. And some nights, you wished you would’ve been born a hybrid too so you could live out the luxuries she has.

You so love when Kiri and her siblings invite you and Spider to their marui to hang out with them. It’s always fun to be around them because in addition to Kiri, the rest of her siblings treat you as if you are their sister as well. They would look out for you, protect you if anyone ever tries to bully you, and most of all love you.

As of this moment you are frolicking in the forest, taking a break from being in the biolab all day. As you see the Sully family marui from a distance, you wonder if they’re home so you and the Sully kids could hang out. As you walk to the entrance, about to lift open the flap, you hear Neytiri raising her voice, which makes you retreat your hand and listen to what she is saying.

“I do not want that demon in my home, Jake. She is not one of us!” She hisses, her tail thrashing in the air as she tells Jake how she feels about your presence in her home.

“‘tiri, we can’t just not let her come over. She’s Kiri’s sister and the rest of the kids see her as one.”

“I do not care! She is not Na’vi, she is one of them.” As you listen to the rest of Neytiri’s rant, she talks about how much she dislikes you and that she feels like you could infect her children with your “demon ways”. Hearing her talk so poorly about you makes you feel like stones are sinking deep in your heart. Your head is spinning, filled with all Neytiri’s harsh words. Instead of walking in and telling her and Jake how you feel about what you just heard, you run into the forest at full speed with tears freely flowing down your cheeks.

You run, and run, and run. The forest is never ending, you always find a different path to turn to. You just can’t have any idea that this path would cause you a worse traumatic experience than what you just heard. As you run, the sound of bushes being shaken echoes in the forest. You turn your head and within a split second, your life flashes before your eyes. An angry Palulukan jumps out of its hiding place and pounces on your small, frail body.

You scream and cry out in pain as it attacks you, praying to Eywa that someone hears your loud piercing cry or your screams of pure terror. The Palulukan digs its claws in your skin, scratching every place they have access to, all but the one action that makes your body shut down completely.

—

As Neytiri walks through the forest, bow in hand trying to find a Yerik to cook her family for dinner, she sees droplets of blood along the grass. She tracks the trail, the blood splatters grow larger which makes her think it’s just a random animal that got dragged along the ground once it was killed, but that idea was busted once she saw your lifeless looking body sprawled across the forest floor.

“Y/N!” She immediately drops her bow and runs over to you. When she lays your body in her lap, she watches your chest slowly rise, indicating the flicker of life you still got, but your shallow breathing worries her. Your body is covered in numerous wounds and you are losing ample amounts of blood by every passing second. She frantically picks you up and runs into the village to get you some help.

“Jake! Ma’Jake!” Neytiri knows Jake is somewhere in the village because today is the day he usually does his rounds to make sure everything is running smoothly. When he finally hears her, he runs up with a worried expression, which turns to terror upon seeing your current state.

“What the hell happened?!”

“I found her like this in the forest. It looks like she got attacked by an animal.”

“We need to get her to the lab now! If she doesn’t get there soon she will die!” Jake scoops you out of Neytiri’s arms and runs you to the bio lab, hoping that Norm and Max would be able to save you.

__

When Jake brought you to the lab, the scientists immediately went to work, doing everything they could to keep you in the land of the living. They rushed you into surgery and it took hours, they didn’t know if you were going to survive due to all the blood you lost and how severe your injuries were, but by the grace of Eywa, you pulled through.

When the Sully Family hear the news that you are going to be okay, a sense of relief and joy washes over them. When it is okay for you to have visitors, all of them swarm by your bedside.

“Sister, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Kiri is so happy that Eywa spared your life, she didn’t know what she would do without you. The rest of the Sully kids and even Jake shows how much they missed you and that they are glad you made it through. Your body is still pretty banged up. Lots of bruises and gashes, but they’ll heal eventually, which you were happy about because you don’t want to be bed-ridden for too long.

You talk to them for almost two hours, laughing and talking about fun memories you’ve all had together. As you laugh at something Lo’ak said, the door to your room opens. When you see Neytiri walk inside, your whole demeanor changes. No more laughs or smiles, just Neytiri words playing over and over in your head about how much of a nuisance you are.

Neytiri comes by your bed, asking you how you feel, but you don’t respond. Instead you look in the opposite direction, not wanting to look at her pretend she cares about you. As everyone watches the interaction between you and Neytiri they get confused as to why you are acting cold towards her because you’ve always been happy to see and talk to Neytiri.

“y/n, I just wanted to see if you were okay.” She genuinely wants to know how you are doing because seeing how brutally injured you were made a feeling of concern rise within her.

You scoff at her words and roll your eyes. You don't want to hear anything she has to say and her talking to you as if she never called you a demon makes you upset. “Neytiri, I don’t want you here.” Before Neytiri can respond, you add another sentence to your previous statement. “I heard everything you said today. If you feel so strongly about me, I don’t want you standing here as if you care for me.” Neytiri and Jake's eyes widen as they realize you heard their conversation.

Neytiri feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach knowing that you heard her harsh words. It took this experience to happen and for her to see how much the rest of her family loves you to try and come around to the idea of you being around them, but now it’s too late. The seed of her hatred has already been planted.

“y/n, I did not mean-”

“Stop, Neytiri, okay?! Just stop! You meant everything you said. Saying that I’m a demon, that I could infect your children with my wicked ways, not one thing you said about me was good.” When the kids hear that, you can hear gasps from around the room. They didn’t know their mother said those things or felt that way about you.

“You know Neytiri, I’ve looked up to you for years. I saw you as a mother figure, so to hear you talk so poorly of me hurts to the core. The hurt I feel can’t be fixed and you’re the one who inflicted it upon me. I couldn’t believe you would say those things about me, sometimes I thought you saw me as a daughter like how you see Kiri but I was wrong.” Whenever Neytiri had duties within the village or doing an activity at home like weaving, cooking, or cleaning, you were right by her side watching her as if she was the most perfect woman on Pandora. Neytiri gave you a sense of motherly nurturing that you couldn’t get from the scientists which made you glued to her.

Neytiri never knew you felt this way and she didn’t know the impact she had on your life until now. As you talk, your tone is cold and sharp, your words twisting knives into her heart. She wishes she could take back each word she said about you, but that’s not the way things work. The words were already out in the atmosphere and have resonated with you.

The whole room is silent. There are so many things said and everyone is trying to get a grasp of the situation. Neytiri tells you that she is sorry and that she finally sees you for who you are: a sweet soul who is a part of their family, but you don’t want to hear that, at least not now. A few days ago, if you would’ve heard that, you would’ve been ecstatic, but now her words mean nothing.

“Leave. I don’t want to see you anymore.” You turn your back to Neytiri and close your eyes, not wanting to cry in front of her and show how much emotional pain you are in from her words.

Neytiri is going to say something, but Jake comes behind her and places his hand on her shoulder, telling her that you need space.

When she looks at her children, each one of them gives her mean glares, highly upset about how she treated you. Neytiri sighs before leaving the room and walking back to her marui. And as she walks back, she prays that you and her children would forgive her, but only Eywa knows if your forgiveness should be given.

I hope you enjoyed🩷!

Previous Fic

Editor - @justmemyselfandthemoon

Taglist: @teyamsbitch @kasai-https @neteyamyawne @hc-geralt-23 @yetanotherattemptatanaccount @myh3artttt @savagemickey03 @number1gal @headsincloud9 @buble787635 @normspellmann @em-x0 @sliqeramx @eywas-heir

[coff-in]

Andrew Graves x Sister reader inspired by another ask:

Rather than the reader pushing and pushing Andrew mentally and then being hatefucked it’s the reverse. Andrew’s older twin sister who never saw him beyond her younger baby brother. Always treating him like a little kid and then shutting him and Ashley down as soon as she realized their true intentions. What happened with Nina completely disillusioned her + staying with them in the house 24/7 during the quarantine, their constant clinginess all those factors leading to her finally snapping and fucking Andrew while Ashley is sleeping right next to them on the couch and he can tell it’s not out of lust but pure fucking hate. He sheds a few tears even though he finally got what he wanted.

Ty for listening you’re the GOAT 🦧🦧🦧

notes from coff-in: thank you 🦧

[fem] reader-insert, older sister graves reader, nsfw, incest

i enjoy the trope/concept of "sibling who is normal or indifferent about siblings affection" x "incestuous sibling". anyway

[reader] being disillusioned by them killing nina is so neat cause it also enforces the idea that even though she knows that they are fucking awful, she still wants to be with them. she always there for them, out of love yeah, but also out of obligation? she's the oldest so she has to set the examples for them and then there's the added gender norms/expectations for her to be the emotional, sympathetic caretaker and it mixes up a beginner's recipe for attachment

andrew doesn't have the same hold on [reader] as he does with ashley mostly due to the fact that [reader] is older than him, so he can't exactly guide her into being the type of girl he wants. that doesn't mean he can't control her though. with subtle hints of her acting more like mom or dad, he can have her bending a bit more to his will. surely she wouldn't want to be like their parents would she? abusive, neglectful, hated by them both? that would be awful...

being trapped for three months with andrew and ashley has [reader] so pent up and anxious, like i can see her practically clawing her eyes out hoping to get away from them for more than five minutes. to be fair, i'm pretty sure while andrew's the most incestuously inclined sibling, he's also really flippy floppy with how obvious he shows it

i can imagine [reader] getting on his lap and whipping his cock out, riding him so aggressively, glaring down at him, "happy now? this is what you wanted, right? couldn't go long enough without getting your dick wet so you need to take care of you, huh? you better. fucking. enjoy it."

and andrew's crying a bit while gripping [reader]'s hips, face red and biting his lip to stay quiet because ashley's right there next to them. he hates that his big sis hates him but god does she feel so good right now. it's like a weird monkey's paw or a wish gone wrong, he can fuck his sister now but she fucking hates him (and hatefucks him, lol)

this is all before decay route too. suddenly jumping off of the balcony doesn't seem so bad now

----

coff-in

[straylightdream]

moonlight - 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧?

↳ even on your worst days he’s there for you.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, unprotected sex, slow emotional intercourse, lots of emotions.

𝐚𝐧: this is a part of a series of short one shots with all the skz boys that take place in the middle of the night. If you would like to join any of my Stray Kids taglist please fill out this form.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

The weight of the world feels like it’s on your shoulder. A rough day at work has left you a crying mess sitting on your bed. Working in retail isn’t glamorous, some days are better than others. Today consisted of two different customers yelling at you.

The sound of your bedroom door opening catches your attention. Looking up you push away your tears at the sight of Hyunjin walking into your bedroom. He doesn’t say anything, he just walks towards your bed and sits down next to you.

He looks at you and gives you a sad smile before resting his hand on your cheek. His thumb drags across your skin wiping away your tears.

“Rough day?” He says softly.

You nodded your head with his hand still on your cheek. Leaning forward he presses his lips to yours for a gentle kiss. After such a terrible day there is nobody you would rather be with than Hyunjin. Your lips move together and as his tongue glides across your bottom lip he helps push away all your negative thoughts.

Pulling away you rest your forehead against his and take a deep breath. You love this boy deeply and after a bad day you desperately need him.

“Baby,” he whispers.

“How did you know I had a bad day?” you’re curious on how he knew to come over.

“You didn’t answer my phone call and your text just seemed off,” he knows you so well. He’s been in your life for two years now and he knows you better than anyone. Not many people would be able to tell you were having a bad day just by what seemed like a normal text.

“I’m sorry I’m an emotional mess today,” he pulls away from you and slowly drags his thumb across your cheek brushing away your tears again.

“Don’t ever be sorry baby,” he gives you a soft smile. “How about we spent tonight cuddling?”

You can’t help the small smile that spreads across your face. He always knows all the right things to say to you. He brings you comfort nobody else truly can.

He moves away from crawling under the covers and signaling for you to join him. You curl up to close him with your head resting on his chest. He runs his fingers up and down your spine slowly.

Hyunjin touch is soothing for you and it doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep. You sleep soundly and this is the most relaxed you have been in a long time.

The bed moves next to you waking you from your sleep. You look up and see the bed empty as Hyunjin is walking across your room.

“Where are you going?” You yawn slightly worried he might be leaving.

“I need to use the restroom real quick,” he says before walking into the bathroom. You stretch and look at the clock on your nightstand to see that it’s three in the morning. You aren’t ready to get up, you can’t wait for Hyunjin to come back to bed so you can cuddle with him again. You can’t help but wonder if Hyunjin let his Chan or any of the other boys know that he wasn’t going back to their place tonight. He walks back into your room and pulls his shirt off and his jeans and puts on the chair in the corner of your room. He walks back towards your bed with only a pair of boxers on.

“Did you tell the boys you’re here?” You ask as he crawls into your bed. The boy didn’t fully know what was going on with you and Hyunjin, but then again you weren’t very open with your relationship. “I told them I was staying with a friend,” he says pulling your body close to his so your back is pressed against his chest. His hand rests on your stomach as he presses his lips to your shoulder.

“I love you,” his lips ghost your skin sending a shiver down your spine. It’s the middle of the night and you’re oddly now extremely awake.

“I love you too,” lacing your fingers with his you roll your body back against his. A low moan passes his lips as butt brush against his groin.

His lips move to the side of your neck as he whispers, “can I make you feel good?”

“Please,” you murmur. There is nothing more in life you want at the moment than for Hyunjin to make you feel good.

He unlaces his fingers from yours and hands moves down your stomach towards your underwear. His fingertips brush under the hem of your underwear. Ever so slowly he slides a finger through your folds. He does lazy circles on sensitive bundle of nerves as lips continue to leave a trail of kisses on your neck. He knows all the right places to kiss to leave you moaning a mess. From the moment you started seeing him he made it his mission to learn all the ways to make your body tick.

You roll your hips back against him earning another moan. His moans are always sweet music to your ears.

It doesn’t take long before you have removed your underwear and Hyunjin is sliding into you slowly. He’s lifted your leg to give himself a better angle. Your head is rolled back resting on his chest. Your fingers are gripping the sheets as he thrust into you slowly. This position he has you in is one of your favorites. You feel so incredibly close and you love that.

The room is filled with the sound of your echoing moans and heavy breathing. With each roll of his hips a warmth spreads through your body. You roll your hips back meeting each of his thrust.

It doesn’t take long before you both find your high. He holds you close with your chest rising and falling.

“I really needed you,” you say softly.

“I’m always going to be here for you baby,” he says, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

[furiousgoldfish]

If you've found yourself in that childhood hell with a narcissistic parent, where every year you gain you get treated worse, and the older you get, the more unworthy and unlovable you are, this is why it's going on.

Narcissists are unwilling to be parents, but they're ready to take advantage of every possible benefit they think parenthood has. The perceived benefit is how the world sees them, someone feeling sympathetic or engaged with them, getting popularity based on your kid's talents, abilities and successes, people having compassion for their 'parenthood struggles', and of course, the idea of unconditional love. For them, not for the kid. They also then go on and take extra stuff, like having their personal emotional caretaker, or a target for all of their anger, someone to feel superior to, someone they can violate, insult, touch, beat, and blend with, without any kind of consequences from the outside world. There's very few scenarios that would allow them such power over another person, and parenthood happens to be one of them.

So, why do they prefer small toddlers rather than grown-up children? Because toddlers gain them attention. They can go with a toddler in public, and have people gush and admire the cuteness. They can sometimes teach toddlers to do little dances or sing for the audience. They can do pretty much anything to small children, and children won't complain or understand what is going on. They can neglect their toddlers and nobody will know. They can punish small children for crying. They can convince small children that they exist only for to make the narcissist's life easier.

Once children start developing boundaries, start saying no, and no longer gather the attention of the crowd, that is where narcissists are no longer getting as many benefits from parenthood and start emotionally abandoning the child, and shaming the child for 'growing up' and 'not being as easy to control and manipulate'. And this is not how normally things work, you don't stop loving your kid when they're growing up, you don't value them according to how much attention you can get using them. Sometimes, if a kid has a special talent and is able to get them attention via child contests or tournaments, this kid will not be obviously immediately abandoned. But it will be clear to this child that the 'love' is completely dependent on how well they do and how far they succeed. The second they stop, they know that the parental love will be withdrawn and they'll be rendered a failure.

Narcissists will ask you to go not just out of your comfort zone in order to give them what they want, they will ask the downright impossible, and when you inevitably can't give it to them, you will be discarded, and possibly punished. You will degraded from 'special' and 'important because you can do this one thing for your parent', to nothing but a target for rage, forced to feel like you deserve it because you couldn't do what no child can - make a narcissist act like a normal parent. They convince children that they would be loving and thoughtful parents, if only the child was not so x, and y, and z, and the list is endless. Endless excuses not to love their child, because withdrawing that love will make the child absolutely desperate in their attempt to please the parent, and be good enough to deserve love.

This is not what would normally happen to a child. We're meant to be celebrated for growth. Our progress into adulthood should be about us, about what we can do now, how much new experiences and excitement it brings to have a bigger body, how much more capable and safer we are, what new skills we can develop, new games we can play, better connections and understanding with others we can now achieve. It's not supposed to be about whether we are of a benefit to someone, our growth is about us becoming a happy adult! Appropriating this entire process and reducing it to 'grovel endless to deserve love, and feel guilty for growing because you're of less use now' is absolute torture to a child, who doesn't understand that it's not meant to be this way, that they were never supposed to be a tool to use.

As we mature with the narcissist continually building this narrative of us not being good enough to deserve love, we end up having no other narrative, and believe that we're fundamentally, intrinsically lacking in something, and this makes us unlovable. It has nothing to do with the truth, and everything to do with a continuous lie that someone made up about us when we were still small, that we exist as a tool and a resource, and every hint of free will and desire and personal goals and boundaries is us failing to live up to that use. We were never meant to be exist for them, there was no achievable goal, us even trying to 'deserve their love' was nothing but a waste of our time and energy. We're not unlovable. We just don't a parent. We had someone leeching off of us, taking instead of giving, convincing us we don't deserve attention, care or resources, unlike them, who deserve to take it all.

For any normal parent, everything about you would have been good enough, you would have been a source of joy and celebration without ever even trying to deserve it. Nobody has to deserve parental love, it's either given by default, or there is nobody willing to be a parent to you. Being unwilling to parent you, they have no right to expect anything from you. You did not break the parent-child bond, because there never was such a thing in the first place, they betrayed you from the start.

[slakedbyiron]

I'm drunk again but we'll take a crack at it. I couldn't find the post so here's the page again lets analyse

Okay no 1 Francisco and the dojo:

Izzy feels so bad that she can't do what seems to be a really tough spectral move (on the previous page only Spender who is described as Francisco's strongest student can do it properly) at only 6 YEARS OLD she starts crying - and Izzy isn't actually a part of this training session so it implies that even Francisco thinks this is too hard for her to do, and yet she still holds herself to the standard of an adult spectral because that's what Francisco has taught her

He holds her to an unattainably high standard and the one thing she is properly skilled at and proud of (her exceptional connection with spirits and her skills with tools) is belittled by him as weak and cheating. Francisco doesn't accept anything less than an automatic reaction to physical pain as a reason to cry - and even then he still ridicules her, saying "is that all?" as if a child wouldn't cry at being hurt.

He also calls her mother over to deal with her, even though she's a nurse she's incredibly busy and just about to leave for work he feels like it's her issue - presumably Amy feels secure working as much as she does because she believes that Izzy has a strong support system at the dojo, knowing how much she looks up to Francisco and how many people are around to protect her. on the next page he implies it should be her job to look after Izzy at the expense of her career because he's housing them both - despite the fact that her father still lives in town. similar to the way Isabel is treated by him, he holds Amy to a higher standard because Ángel has disappointed him, as if it has anything to do with her.

Despite the fact that Spender is the only person on this page who doesn't actually live in the dojo he's the only one who goes to see if Izzy is alright - the rest spend way more time with Izzy yet seem awkward to borderline disinterested in her pain in the 4th panel - I know she's a young kid but they should have a stronger connection with her. This could be related to how she's literally pitted against adults in the present, whereas in the past it's slightly more theoretical/in her head

That leads us to no 2 Spender and Izzy's relationship:

The penultimate panel I feel shows how close she and Spender are. It implies that he picks her up a lot because she instinctively knows what he's doing even though he turns around without saying anything. In addition the fact that he picks her up presumably also because she says she hurt her foot, so she doesn't have to walk on it - even though banging your foot wouldn't really impede your walking

Also, Spender doesn't even notice how Francisco is treating Izzy this whole page, because he's too wrapped up in seeing if she's okay (the final panel shows he still has his hero worship of Francisco which I'd hope he wouldn't if he realised how terrible he treats her) this is something he still does in the present day but it hinders Izzy because he focuses on "keeping the kids safe" rather than emotionally secure and regulated. It also very literally happens again in chapter 4 when he's worrying with Lucifer about whether he kept the kids safe properly and misses Izzy asking for his help dealing with Francisco.

finally no 3 more on Isabel:

She's too young to have as strong a handle on her emotions as present-day Isabel (read: emotional repression) but she still thinks that this is a weakness to have a completely normal reaction that all kids that young would have to frustration. Isabel is only 6 years old and she's already internalised that emotional pain is insignificant and weak, and that the only 'valid' pain is physical, as shown by her lie. despite this she's still invalidated because the pain wasn't bad enough. Also her kneejerk lying about pain is a trait commonly seen in abused children.

This can be seen to have both the aforementioned emotional implications in current Izzy, as well as physical - she attempts to use plasters to cover a wound that actually needs stitches because she doesn't want her grandfather to know and be disappointed, risking an infection.

I realise half of these are just statements w no conclusions but I hope you can infer what I mean. anyway concluding statement no one looks out for Izzy like they should and also her and Spender's relationship and all of its shortcomings is one of my fav things abt pnat both bc there's so much meat there and bc they're my 2 fav characters