#rants about gender some more
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i think my life would be better if I didn't mind they/them being used on me but it quite honestly feels like an insult sometimes when people assume those are my pronouns or they think I look weird and androgynous so they default to those. I know I am weird and androgynous but it's just annoying to have to be like no I'm just.. a man. when I have put so much effort into passing and going stealth. and for sure even tho I'm just a man I have some weird nonbinary feelings as well. bc I'm trans and being "binary trans" doesn't mean u don't have a complicated relationship with gender or experience a bit of gender queerness. I mean I identified and lived as a lesbian for several years of my life so ofc a part of that is ingrained in me. idk, I kind of wish more people would look at gender as something you do rather than something you innately are. I don't think I innately am anything. I think I used to live as a girl and now I live as a man. maybe that makes me nonbinary or maybe that just makes me a normal person. idk. a lot of the trans narratives that have been popularized by the media are just so unrelatable to me I almost don't consider myself the same thing as them. I don't think I transitioned bc I was a boy born into a girl's body I think I transitioned bc I'd just rather live as a man and so I am. of course I also have debilitating dysphoria but yk. I don't think I was "born this way" and I didn't show any signs as a child or even give my gender a second thought until I was older. I got a taste of female puberty and was like nah I'd rather opt out of this whole woman thing. so I did. and now I'm a man. it's that simple to me idk.
but yeah if I liked he/they I think it would make my life better bc then I wouldn't be like. dysphoric and offended when ppl would default to they for me simply bc I have green hair. I don't even dress femininely almost ever it's just the hair I think lmao. or bc my name is gender neutral. I guess I am androgynous in the face also. I do not have a chiseled jawline although I do have a mustache and it is pretty dark now. idkkkkk man
I've lived so many lives already in just this one that idk how to classify myself anymore. I've been every letter of the LGBT and dated/fucked someone of every gender and sexuality lmao. but I still think it's kinda annoying when ppl deny my masculinity or maleness upon seeing me and default to they/them when I Try So Hard to pass. obviously it's not their fault, they've been told it's rude to assume anyone's pronouns and I am fully self aware of the way I look and come off. I almost feel like I can't even correct people when they call me they bc I know they're just trying to be.. nice or something. like how would I even go about correcting that, "thanks for the consideration but I am in fact just a man" ???
I think in terms of gender identity I can get behind the vibes of he/they being used for me in theory, but in practice it makes me feel like a freak. it's like a glaring neon sign that's like, you look WEIRD and idk what you are bc you're WEIRD. I know this shit wouldn't happen if I was cis and presented exactly the same as I do now. I feel extremely vulnerable and almost outed when people call me they. like it tells everyone in the room that I'm Different. and despite the fact I dye my hair crazy colors and have 7 facial piercings and stretched ears I actually do not want to stick out. I just love the alternative look. but I don't want attention drawn to me. I don't want people to look at or talk to me. it's a struggle I've had my entire life. id much rather blend in than stand out but literally everybody knows who I am and my name bc I just have an appearance that is so jarring. ugh.
I even had my instructor for some reason "correct" himself on my pronouns, he literally got it right the first time then went "er, they-" like ??? come on man. when have I ever told anyone I want to go by they here??? is the mustache not enough?? do I have to grow out my patchy ass stubble as well??? for a split second sometimes I think about going by he/they and then I am called they in real life and cringe so hard. rahhh.
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I really want to see a more fucked up version of Charlie in canon. Like, okay, I am a die-hard for sweet bubbly girls in media. But I always see how some people make Charlie actually, oh I dunno... demonic? And it's so refreshing for her type of character. I could honestly see her having low empathy (and we kinda see this with how she handled Angel's situation or even Vaggie's nervousness about taking control on an activity). An exploration of that trait (if it was intended) would be interesting to see for a protagonist, especially when her main goal is about helping others. I would love to see her actually have a level of difficulty in understanding others' feelings from the other residents, sinners, and even her father.
But give her a fucked up side. Not a "she gets more power when she's angey uwu", but a "oh, she's a little fucked in the head". It would give so much to her character that she just doesn't have.
@/murmurmurena (don't wanna bother them so slash there we go) has some fun ideas with Charlie. I highly encourage people to check their stuff out! So many fun dark ideas with her character while also still keeping to her canon personality pretty well! Personally, I think Charlie being a bit more naive to her own messed up traits would work best but her also being aware of these traits can make for some interesting character for her.
THIS FIC, "A Game Between You and I". RIGHT HERE WITH THE FIRST CHAPTER. A bit of spoil for the fic here: but I love how they handled Charlie’s absolute ignorance as to why the idea of Russian roulette is horrifying to Angel Dust. It doesn't feel like her being intentionally malicious or aware that she's the odd man out here. This is also a pretty old fic going by only the pilot, but the point still stands that it was such a fun take for her character!
Charlie is one of my favorite characters in the show in part of the POTENTIAL she could have as being the most bubbly sweetheart character while also being the most messed up character in the show. I can't say I have strong confidence with the show's writing and fully expect them to stick with Charlie being the "nice girl but oh no, don't get her angry or she gets scarwy". Which isn't bad for a character mind you, there's just so much more potential to Charlie outside of that trope, especially when you get into the theories of her either being a doll, Roo's biological daughter, or what have you. And for the MAIN CHARACTER of the show, it would be not only interesting but also bring the spotlight back to her.
There's really no question that the side characters steal the show, particularly all the male characters. If I'm honest, Charlie does not feel like she gets a lot of love from the show itself when she's supposed to be the main character. She feels far more flat compared to the rest of the characters (again, the male cast in this "female-lead" show has more depth than most of the female cast currently. I wouldn't be pointing this tidbit concerning the genders of characters if it weren't for the fact Viv defended Helluva's lack of development with their female cast by saying "Hazbin is a female-lead show and Helluva is a male-lead" and Hazbin ended up with it not feeling female lead (to me) and the male cast just completely stealing the show. I don't normally care about gender stuff, especially since I do personally lean interest towards male characters. But using one show as a defense for poor development of the female characters, and then that show not really holding up with no very interesting well-developed feeling female characters irritates me. It's just very clear that these shows don't seem to care much about the female cast :/)
If you like how Charlie is written that's totally fine. PERSONALLY, I just think they're missing so much opportunity with her character by just making her the standard female character type. I honestly don't have a lot of faith they'll actually do something with Charlie's character though. She's a pretty static character in S1 being the same from start to end. Not changing or learning anything to create any development. What does the end of season Charlie do that start of season Charlie wouldn't do? Fight back? Because we see with the pilot (which is the “first episode”) that Charlie does fight people if pushed like with Katie Killjoy and even Valentino. Static characters can work in media depending on the show or their role. But Charlie is the MC of a show about “bettering one's self”. So to have her as a static with not a lot of strong dilemmas for herself (like we see with Angel Husk Al and even Vox) seems silly. Plus, considering Hazbin is telling a whole story and it's not a fun episodic thing, characters are expected to grow on some level. Or else, what was the point of their hero's journey?
#I honestly have a lot of problems with Hazbin's storytelling#That the limited time of doing plot doesn't even help it and shouldn't be used to shield the show from criticisms#Especially when you can find the same issues in Helluva Boss that has no excuse with the writing (though it's getting a bit better)#I love this show but goodness gracious it makes me have a tangent about it#Charlie's unimpactful character writing just being one of MANY issues#Hopefully the crew take all the criticisms into account for S3#S2 if possible would be nice but they probably had it all scripted by the time S1 was airing.#No shame on the female cast either they're fine. But when you compare them to the given depth of characters like Angel Husk Alastor and Vox#They're pretty lackluster. Vaggie's probably the closest to a female character with a lot of layers we've seen in the show#And she wasn't done very well with being essentially just “Charlie's GF” with not much identity outside of that explored much#Some of this may be more personal takes but it's frustrating. Again I don't normally care about gender stuff in media#It was just the excuse to Millie and Loona lacking development that bothers me#Like Hazbin is supposed to make up Helluva's poor writing of their main female leads#Loona got a bit of love with the Bee ep and Verosika and Octavia are pretty good. Particularly V with her relationship with Blitz#Whenever I start talking about aspects of Hazbin's writing I always end up ranting a bit (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄#Celtrist#cel rambles#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel charlie#charlie morningstar#hazbin critique#hazbin criticism#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critique#hazbin hotel rant#You can really love something and still be critical with it#I do it out of love I swear#You're not in the Sonic fandom for like 22 yrs and don't learn to be critical of the media you enjoy lol
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It kind of fucks me up to see some people come out of watching RGU having absorbed absolutely nothing of what the show has to say about patriarchy, misogyny, & queerphobia, outside of "men bad, lesbian good." Which like.....sure, I guess? in the absolute barest sense, I suppose RGU is partially about that.
But if this show's thesis were really as simple as "lesbian good," then Juri & her role as an antagonist on the mini patriarchy that is the Student Council would simply not exist at all. Juri would've won all the duels, kicked Akio in the nuts, freed Anthy, & ridden away into the sunset with Shiori in her arms before Utena even showed up if that were the case. But she obviously didn't do any of that despite being a lesbian, so there must be something more complicated at work here.
A lot of RGU's narrative is dedicated to deconstructing binary social systems & the ways in which they harm those trying to and/or being forced to fit within one of two narrow boxes; man vs woman, adult vs child, princess vs witch, prince vs devil, special vs not special, romantic vs platonic, etc. So for someone to watch all of that beautiful complexity, only to filter it through yet another essentialist binary...sucks, to say the least.
#I know some of you are like 15 & are thinking about these sorts of things for the first time in your lives so I'll have grace#but at the same time...the average women's studies 101 class gets more complex than 'man bad woman good'.#in general that's an at best shallow + unhelpful & at worst actively destructive way of thinking#I'm gonna need some more critical thinking ok#btw this post wasn't spurred by anything in particular. it's just an attitude I've been thinking a lot about recently#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#feminism#gender essentialism#rant
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you fuckers are really hating on travis when hes literally a he/him lesbian, also the wilderness is literally a metaphor for girlhood do you really think it wouldve let him survive if he wasnt at least a little girl coded ?
#a bunch of ppl have said this in more smarter ways but i feel like the yj fandom needs to be reminded of this every once in a while#also hes just genuinely a fascinating character?? like he saved his girlfriend only to have to eat his brother#he ate his brothers heart RAW#literally that scene is so insane and underrated#like yall went crazy about shauna eating jackies ear (which fair because it is gen insane) but not over travis eating his brothers heart ra#(which equally as insane)#any ways sorry for the rant my tags are always so long 💀#i am gonna make a more analysis type post on this once i rewatch the show#yellowjackets#travis martinez#travnat#(its not my fav ship but its still toxic yuri so i have no choice but to stan)#javi martinez#🐝#also i get not wanting to see any men in this show about women but guys please he’s literally just a girl as well#hate on jeff or waltor or kevyn or the weird cop dude just leave travis alone 🙏🙏😭#also not girl coded in the way some men are. hes girl coded in the more literal sense#gender fluid travnat my beloved they are so t4t <33
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Okay, so— like.
I’m doing drag queen/king camp this week and HOLY CRAP I did not realize the amount of thought and effort that goes into this work of art. Like, kudos to all the drag icons because it’s only day one and I’m scrambling to try and figure everything out.
All I know is I am neither drag king or queen, I am a drag thing. At least, that’s what they’re referring to it as.
Like, I want my performance to confuse the heck out of the audience over what my persona’s gender is. Are they male? Female? Nonbinary? Yes and no all at the same time.
I feel like that’s part of the idea I want to portray here. I’m a cis female (I don’t care if ppl refer to me as “they” irl or online tho, it doesn’t bother me), but I always referred to myself as a “tomboy” growing up for one reason or another. I want this character to challenge the very gender roles that we as a society fostered into being. Breaking boundaries and being between the lines of what constitutes as a “man” or a “woman”, that’s what I want my persona to represent. They don’t fit into any one category, simply because they don’t need to. They’re just a person. A silly goober, if you will.
As for the fit— thanks to my friend’s advisement — I’m thinking of a 1940s Flapper Dress paired with some more masc attire in shoes, makeup, and maybe hat and tie. It would be very fun and something I’d honestly wear outside of drag. Like DANG 1940s fits are FIRE 🔥! I can get a top hat, add the feathers, wear the gloves, etc. (Yes my friends told me I should make the drag outfit Batim inspired since it’s my fixation and maybe this is my excuse for that, but I really do enjoy the Golden Era of film and media culture of that time period. Either way it works in my favor)
And, of course, I couldn’t resist taking some inspiration from Luz’s Grom outfit from The Owl House. Can you blame me though? I mean, look at it!
Very demure, very mindful, very slay. 💅
Coming up with names and a personality is something I’m going to have to come up with later in the week when I have more time. :3
So sorry if I’m not as active on any of my accounts this week. I’ll try to write when I can, but I have a lot on my plate between work, school, and planning my drag persona and performance. Maybe I’ll ramble more about this if anyone is interested. For now… I need to study (Y’all I was sick all last week and didn’t go to school and apparently I have an exam tomorrow that I didn’t study for I’m SO cooked 🙏😭)
#Drag#drag king#drag queen#drag thing#drag show#cc rambles#just some thoughts#I’m super nervous#I’ve never done anything like this before#But my anxiety and introverted tendencies have made me miss out on a lot over the years#About time I put myself out there more and actually enjoy stuff despite it all#And yeah I’m heckin cooked tomorrow for my exam RIP my already failing grade#I hate cell biology#Uhh yeah a rant no one asked for#announcement#kinda#life stuff#gender#gender roles#lgbt#lgbt pride#lgbtq community#lgbtqia#queer#queer community#lgbtq#queer pride#1940s fashion#1940s style#1940s vintage
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.
My cis followers, listen up:
Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.
Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.
Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.
Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.
There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.
I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.
I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.
#Sorry for popping off but that really upset me and I had to say something#I don’t usually speak up about things like this because so many cis people just can’t take a criticism to save their lives#Also I know some trans people WOULD find the things I mentioned fetishistic but that’s part of my point#Is that we all experience and feel different things and don’t all have the same beliefs#And implying it’s inherently fetishistic to be attracted to us harms way more trans people than not#Also transmeds and truscum please stay away from me you’re part of the problem 💜#Hope at least one cis person sees this and does some reflection#long post#text post#trans#transgender#transphobia#trans nsft#trans ally#trans discourse#trans men are men#trans women are women#enby#nonbinary#intersex#gender essentialism#bioessentialism#gender roles#gnc#gender nonconforming#rant#vent#nsft
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what I would give for transmasc to stop being inherently associated with softness in fandom. especially for trans headcanons to not include toning down the character or making them sweeter and more gentle.
at this point I would kill to see trans fan art that didn't manage to make me feel more dysphoric and distanced from the character ffs.
I'm begging fans to consider why they feel the need to change a character's personality when they wanna hc them as trans. search your soul a little on that. stop making it so fucking weird
#rant#trash talk#honestly. and i know a lotta people will be pissed to hear this#but i have never seen a community declaw and fetishize THEMSELVES more than online trans fandom#tell me why male characters getting reimagined as transmasc makes them less relatable to me#why do some trans people have it this ingrained in their minds that a man who started out living as a girl#can't possibly think feel or behave like a any other man?#and why the suffocating dumbed down softness specifically?#it's like they built the identity of trans maleness around the foundation of terf gender essentialism#being deadnamed and misgendered in public does not cause me the same level of nauseating skincrawling discomfort in my body and identity#as some of the soulless pacified shit i see online treated as trans positivity#and this is not about some idea of 'real men/masculinity' vs gnc men#this is very specifically about the dumbing down and infantilization of transmasculinity#with the clear attitude of transness being inherently Like That
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can't help but notice a lot of tumblr users will dunk on taylor swift while listening to 0 women musicians whatsoever
#(not making this rebloggable because i was a hater in these tags lol)#rambles#shoe rants#Idk i dont like ts either i just don't think you get to play that card if you're gonna try to one up ts fans with some indie white guy band#god i dont want to screenshot but im specifically thinking about this one post that had fucking 50k+ notes to my recollection#it went like ''bastille has done more for the queer community than taylor swift because some of their love songs don't specify gender''#sorry but. bastille? that's your pull?? ?#and for that reason ?????????#not to mention doesn't swift have love songs that don't specify gender too like what...
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It's honestly pretty frustrating sometimes how I feel like so many people say they love Martha, but mostly what I actually see people saying about Martha is how much she probably does/should hate the Doctor for not returning her crush, or sometimes how much people hate Blink/Family of Blood/Last of the Time Lords because they were hard for her.
And like, the former of those is frustrating because a) Nobody is obligated to return someone's romantic feelings, b) Being oblivious to someone having a crush on you might suck for the other person but is not actually a moral failing and c) Martha was sad about it but like. She didn't leave because she was furious at the Doctor for not returning her crush? She left because she knew her crush wasn't reciprocated and wasn't going to be, but couldn't get over it on her end while travelling with the Doctor. And also because the past year had been pretty traumatizing for everyone, including her and also the Doctor and also everyone else who was on that ship thing.
Anyways
I just wanted to talk for a bit about the things I like about Martha, or that are interesting, that are unrelated to those points above.
I think she's the first companion in New Who to join Unit, and I think still the only one to be a medical doctor with a strong scientific backing. Which is cool!
I think it's interesting that in the first episode she appears in, her family is shown to be kind of messy and kind of frustrating, and it feels like that's something she's a little glad to be getting away from for a bit when she travels with the Doctor (though it's not the reason she travels with them). And then, at the end of the season when her family is in danger she prioritizes their wellbeing enough to snap at the Doctor about it. If I remember correctly their phones were tapped or something and it wound up making things a bit worse, but I appreciate the nuances of her relationship with them and how important they are to her despite the messiness.
Despite all the ado made about her crush on the Doctor, I really loved how she really seemed to get the point of travelling with the Doctor. I think that she nailed both the joy and excitement of the unknown, and the compassion and sense of care that motivates the Doctor's travels, and which I think is vital to all of my favourite companions.
It also contrasts in interesting ways with how her personality shifts after she stops travelling with the Doctor - she still cares about people's wellbeing and seems to value the things she learned while travelling, but working with Unit and Torchwood does make her more military, and then of course doing freelance alien fighting (? or something?) in the End of Time.
I think Martha and the Doctor are an interesting duo because they contrast each other in interesting ways. They're both compassionate, hopeful but practical, and good at what they do, but they reflect those qualities in ways that almost, but don't quite, fit together nicely. They don't conflict, really, but they're not quite sustainable either.
They work well together and care about each other, but they're too similar in some ways and too different in others to ever quite see eye to eye, which is why they end up going in different directions. And I think that's not anyone's fault, or indicative of any deep flaws in either of them. Or even really a tragedy, because Martha seems to be doing new and interesting things every time we see her, with plenty of options available and a decent rapport with the Doctor whenever they show up.
Anyway this got way longer than I meant it to. Tldr: There are so many more interesting things to say about Martha than just "She must hate the Doctor". Here are some of them.
#Also I didn't have room here but. I understand hating the family of blood stuff but. John Smith is not the Doctor. That's the whole point#John Smith is absolutely rude to Martha and I dislike him as a person. But he is also not the Doctor#And I absolutely do not believe that the Doctor handpicked the persona and went “Yeah. Making him rude and racist and like guns”#I think they just got out the chameleon arch and said#“Here's the time and location that gives us the best shot at avoiding the family of blood. Give me and Martha random identities. Thanks”#That said it's actually not an episode I particularly like so I don't know why I'm rambling about it here#I get anxious about things where characters are Not Themselves and being rude and mean in ways they aren't#And also found the ending a little Too Much personally#Anyways I'm just monologuing now#Doctor Who#Doctor Who Meta#Martha Jones#I am talking#I am just some guy (gender neutral)#This post brought to you by another person joking about how Martha is so strong for putting up with the Doctor because of the crush stuff#And me as an aromantic not enjoying the implication that I am something to put up with and that the most interesting thing anyone can say#about a dynamic between two people is how much it sucks that one of them didn't know the other had a crush and 'led them on'#or whatever. But just ranting about that again didn't feel constructive so I tried to say more interesting things instead
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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#big gender rant ahead i just need to write down my thoughts#personal#so i think im a he/him trans lesbian??#i think ive been denying my feminine side for a long time now but middle school me was right. well. half right#idk why id built up some weird barrier in my mind about being trans and being a lesbian#but now im like more sure than ever#i still dont know if i could call myself a woman. and i thought i was so adamant about not using she/her again but it honestly?#doesn't bother me that much anymore. its not my preference but its not as soul crushing as it used to be#i have these weird subliminal gender rules for myself that ive been beating myself down with even though i#understand that theyre fake and dont hold anyone else to them. so why have a double standard? cant i have a fun gender?#ever since high school its been an uphill battle just letting myself live freely and having self confidence#i just turned 24. i dont have to be beholden to stupid hormonal teenage self loathing anymore#the world is a beautiful place and gender is just made up anyway. so why cant i be trans and butch? who cares??#i think i worded it well in my last personal post. ive been living a gender of convenience#but fuck that! i want the gender that makes sense to me! that makes me happy! its my life and i should live it how i want to!#...i still have some regrets about my top surgery. i wish i wasnt so weirdly flat chested now.#but hopefully the fat will redistribute eventually and itll look more natural as the years go on..#but i definitely dont regret going on T. i love my deep voice and my body hair#anyway if you've read this far thanks for listening to my mad ramblings#and dont forget you can have a fun gender too!
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Okay look. I am reading Red White and Royal Blue. The movie, while in spirit in some ways has captured the same heart, is like Guardian cdrama to Guardian novel. I love them both and they're both a bit different experiences. But wow does it feel GOOD to watch a movie that makes me smile and my heart ache with things i relate to as well as happy moments I long to have. And on that note, a list of queer romance movies I recommend for cheering you up on a heavy day:
Red White and Royal Blue: theres a touch of realism in how it hits the heart, a heaping helping of fantastical with the premise of son of the president getting with the prince of england, a dollop of politics (which I've not seen in a romcom before much so I was happy for it, but if you want more get the book), a lot of loving references to the 90s kids generation in a way that makes this romcom hit in a way old 90s romcoms never could For Me be as close to home, and it's just <3 it's The Romcom for me.
But I'm a Cheerleader: gay conversion camp but make it campy, save the queers and help us love ourselves and accept we can be Whoever We Are (a message that applies to all watcher honestly), a very loving make love scene with violins that rwrb's scene reminded me of (in a good way, queer movies deserve more of this tbh), natasha Leone and Clea Duvall and Dante Basco (I'm gayer just reading that), and best of all? The cheerleader falls in love and her love chooses her back. This is THE first truly happy queer romance film I watched as a teenager, had a happier outcome than my own life at the time, and really made me believe I deserved happiness and good things and that I belonged to existing in this world as myself as much as anyone does. The overt queer politics in this film means it might hit too close to home if you're not up for that, but it's handled with humor (a LOT like rwrb handles politics) and so I'd say if you're looking for political and optimistic? This is another excellent choice. This will forever be one of my favorite movies.
DEBS: I especially recommend this to any queer teen girls out there, and any former teen girls who wished they had their own teen romcoms with lesbians growing up! It's like Agent Cody Banks meets Charlie's Angels, tonally it's Totally Spies and Teen Movie 100%, so it's silly and campy and nothing is ever actually horrifically serious and sad. A teen spy girl (our Charlie's angels for queer teen girls) falls in love with Lucy Diamond, the biggest Super Villian in the world. What ensues is falling in love, overcoming differences, overcoming heteronormativity, and friends loving and supporting you when push comes to shove. It is absolutely a fun action romance romp for queer girls. It's Charlie's angels if they were all gay and made for the queer girls to crush on Especially. It's delightful and lighthearted and fun.
#rant#movies#but im a cheerleader#debs#red white and royal blue#theres a few more id put on this list but theyre more devisive i think#like... Zerophilia is an AMAZING and weird indie movie with a happy ending#and it plays with the sex of characters and the idea of what does gender even mean or have to do with attraction#but it was made a long time ago and no one really was talking about trans people much let alone nonbinary people#but for me? as a nonbinary person it was sort of this escapist wish fulfillment with a happh ending and felt very freeing.#also like. To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything is HEALING#but it may hit too realistic for some to be totally cheerful. and its not a romcom so much as it is about friendship and love in that way
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Every time I think "there's just no way Webtoon can get worse, I can handle how annoying it is now" the company takes it as a fucking challenge. Like in what world does everything they've done make users want to stay??
Legitimately you could put a gun to my head and I could not tell you the difference between any of the series they keep screaming at users to read. It's either boring badass anime boy with a unique and suuuper powerful ability or generic anime girl in a fantastical world dealing with a taboo romance. Or it's Lore Olympus which is somehow both.
Like I went into the app just to count and immediately it opened up some random series preview and threw an ad for another series on top of it. And often when I'm in the app it'll just give me an ad while I'm reading.
Like without reading any of these, could you honestly tell me what the fuck the difference is between them. And fucking read the description for The Last Airbender Adventurer.
I mean do I even have to say it. Bro just copy-pasted it directly from GPT to the desc and not a single person stopped them.
This is sort of a deep cut but for any real ones who know Choices: Stories You Play, this looks fucking familiar doesn't it. I mean who cares about legitimate creativity and good stories your users WANT to interact with when you can have "The Nanny Affair 9".
Being constantly bombarded with ad after ad for these stories doesn't make anyone want to read them more, it just makes me want to uninstall the app and never think about it again. Which sucks! There is a lot of genuine creativity on here, and those are the stories that I want to read. The problem is that Webtoon has gotten so far into the Content Farm Mindset™ it's no longer worth trying to look for those. Like most of the series I'm reading are plot-based and when they end, I'm not looking for more. I'm throwing it all in the dumpster where it seemingly wants to be.
#or its “baby girl is adopted by strange or unexpected group (usually just rich monarchs)”#which is probably just ripping off Spy x Family (no idea what that series is actually about either so dont quote me on that)#AND YEAH I KNOW SOME OF THESE DONT FIT THE GENDER I WROTE DOWN BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE THEY FIT THE REST OF THE DESCRIPTION#I've been using this site since Days of Hana was still updating and i swear it just gets more and more unbearable to use every fucking day#like why can't i just read some walkingnorth in peace dammit#webtoon#web comic#webcomic#and that's it that's the tags#i don't even care about tagging this rant is for me and me alone#screw this#i'm going to bed
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#buddy daddies#the entire show is so damn queer#but guess some people only focus on romantic relationships#hope buddads gets to deliver their family message to people in japan so they change adoption and fostering laws#hope bullying for non-traditional families stop#hope that even het non-traditional families of mixed blood and ''half'' kids can be considered normal too#hope that gender roles stop and more dads get involved with their kids in Japan and outside japan too#hope people learn that family is where home is and not tied by blood#all those things are so damn queer because they go against the normal most of society shouts discriminates and doctrinates about#if you want kazurei to be a couple is ok but don't expec them to be a couple because they raise a kid together or bcause#''Miri needs parents that are in love otherwise she is gonna suffer as she grows up''#don't treat this as your parent's divorce#and this is coming from a child of divorce too#red rant#sorry#red ramble
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and once again I am suddenly overwhelmed with an intense feeling of not really fitting into a gender
#honestly I don't even know what this is about I just saw some stories on insta and it's like oh look#she is so proud to be a woman whoa ppl...actually do that huh#and I just realised I never really felt that way like. not fully!! maybe a bit of that yeah but not to this full extent of this#womanhood thing#and I mean yeah I probably felt more of it in my teens and like 20s but it only just occurred to me that it's never been to this full extent#of being womanly and motherly and nurturing etc etc#and now I do not feel like that art all I mean I mostly am a creachur. a divine being. if you will. a freak#and I love it tomorrow I'm gonna go try on some skirts which I haven't done in ages and I'm definitely gonna be doing it in a queer way#not in a girl way#anyway#I know this is really weird going on tag rants here where nobody except a few of my mutuals (hey guys love you lots thought u should know)#is gonna see let alone read this but I really don't have anyone irl to talk to abt gender stuff and I mean I tried?#but just idk. ppl don't get it? like everyone in my life already knows I'm queer and they sorta hand wave it away like that is too#complicated and not that important - and it isn't!! but it also is!#I think they might have been more understanding and sympathetic if I were trans but I'm not and being nonbinary is somehow too difficult for#them to grasp idk#and when I say I don't want to be a different gender and feel increasingly outside and to the left of my assigned gender the more I think#about it they just. do not get it. and it is kinda discouraging and leaves me feeling like not talking about it with them ever#I don't know why I'm writing all this tbh#gender#queer things
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