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oliviayamaoka · 4 years ago

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The Distraction (Danny Johnson / Jed Olsen / Ghostface x Reader)

Y/N encounters Ghostface, a snarky and creepy silent killer. However, he isn’t as silent as he is made out to be when you hit him with your toolbox in defense. To stall time for your survival and the progression of other generators, you decide to humor him and distract him for a long amount of time for the others.

Possible Warning: Sexual tension, slight blood, slight violence, and Danny having perverted thoughts (up to your interpretation on what he’s thinking)

You slowly vaulted over a wooden structure within Autohaven Wreckers. The green atmosphere felt very chilling and eerie, you didn’t like doing your trials in this realm. Your eyes averted to an untouched generator. Thank the Entity you didn’t hear a chainsaw revving or the menacing lullaby sung by the Huntress. Y/N kneeled down and began to work on the generator, putting their toolbox to the side. Who knew you’d become a mechanic of some sort within the Fog.

“Shit.” You mumble as you cut your arm slightly on something within it. For a moment you had considered using your toolbox but it was better to just save it for another time.

Y/N sighed and pulled down a lever before reattaching some wires. The generators always confused you. Not in a way where you didn’t know how to fix them but how the hell did they power up the exit gates? Oh well, it didn’t matter at that point. You were forced to do this by a literal god.

You suddenly gasped when you felt a firm grip pry you away from your generator. It must’ve been the killer. Y/N aggressively fought back and wiggled with desperate grunts and yells. You somehow managed to escape his grip, how the hell didn’t you hear him? You shoved him away but he grabbed your wrist tightly.

“Let go!” You yelled, hitting him as hard as you could since he seemed to have dropped his knife. You recognized the killer as Ghostface. He didn’t seem to think that you’d be able to get away the first time. Y/N’s eyes widened in shock and curiosity when she heard him darkly chuckle in amusement

“You’re like that bastard King.” He said to you as you both struggled. David was always verbal when ”fighting” the killers. He grunted as you kicked at his thigh, desperately trying to rip your arm away from him.

“Since when did you start talking?” You asked him, humoring him in pure panic. Ghostface was a bit thrown off that you even responded instead of screaming at the top of your lungs. In fact, he doesn’t recall anybody saying anything back to him other than David King or Yui Kimura saying something snarky after a successful vault.

“You’d be surprised--agh!” He grunted as you smashed your toolbox into his face as hard as you could. This definitely threw him off since it hurt just as much as the pallet stuns did. Was that even allowed? He adjusted his mask to keep it from falling off. His chin sure as hell hurt.

“Sorry.” Y/N said to him almost immediately, stopping for a moment. You weren’t sure why you felt sorry for the bastard in that moment. You once did something similar with the Trapper when he accidentally stepped in his own trap, there was a moment of silence between the two of you as you both stared.

“What do you mean sorry?!” He asked you angrily but he didn’t lunge or hit you. He seemed just as confused and caught up in the moment as you. You threw your arms up in defense, it was a psychological thing.

“It was instinctual! What was I supposed to do, let you stab and hook me?” You said to him as he stood up. Ghostface was much taller up close, it was strange.

“Well, yeah. You’re only supposed to fucken wiggle or try get off of the hook. It said those were the rules.” He argued as you turned your head to the side in disbelief at his behavior.

“Since when did you start abiding by the rules? Aren’t you supposed to be a serial killer or something?” Y/N questioned him.

“Uhhh, since that thing started torturing the other people who got trapped here. You think I wanna look like that fuckface with the chainsaw?” He said aggressively but you didn’t seem to back down at all. He was referring to the Hillbilly.

“He already looked like that, dumbass.” You say to him as he paused.

“Oh.” Ghostface responded before shaking his head to knock some sense into himself and began to try grab your wrist again. he tugged you closer when he did rather aggressively.

“What the fuck am I doing arguing with my prey.” He muttered as you pulled away again, taking a few steps back.

Ghostface, from your observation, was easily confused when talking to people. You figured it was normal since, well, when the hell did a psycho like him have time to talk to people? You recalled a conversation with Ace when you were upset due to one of your first trials. He had been previously married and referred to himself as a ladykiller, humoring the idea of trying to flirt with the Huntress. He was a wise dude despite being on the run from guys he owed money to, overall he made a good replacement father figure for a moment.

Clearly it was a bad idea but maybe instead of getting hooked or hurt, you could do what Ace jokingly suggested. It’d also be a funny story to tell some of your friends when this trial was over but it was scary thinking this could make him even more mad or aggressive. Oh, well, anything not to go through the pain again.

“Has anybody ever told you you’re handsome?” You asked, cringing at yourself for such a poor choice of wording.

“You don’t even know how I look.” He said, somewhat annoyed but loosened his grip slightly as you put your hand softly over his.

“That doesn’t matter. I feel like we could get to know eachother. I’m Y/N, by the way.” You say to him as he stopped completely, baffled even.

“What?” He asked in confusion.

“Think about it, if we have a nice little chat then I’m sure the Entity wouldn’t mind. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve been curious about your artwork. Or I guess you can say photography. I’m sure you have a collection.” You said.

“Right, like a puny thing like you would even understand what I do.” Ghostface said to you, crossing his arms. Admittedly, he seemed to slowly forget his objective when he began to even talk to you. Even he didn’t know why he kept responding to you.

“A puny thing like me? Oh, please. I’ve seen my fair share of blood and gore on the internet. I bet your photos wouldn’t even make me budge.” Y/N said.

“Really, now? I have a collection of photos of you and your little friends.” He said, getting rather defensive. Such a fragile ego, you thought.

“Oh, so you take photos of me?” You asked, pulling him closer. He seemed to freeze up when he was inches away from your face. Despite wearing the mask, he felt vulnerable. Why? You were just a survivor meant to be slaughtered.

“I don’t mean it like that.” He said firmly, although, it wouldn’t be a bad idea since you were rather attractive to him. Both physically and personality-wise. The thought amused him but he shook his head slightly.

“Shame. I could’ve offered you a special photoshoot.” Y/N said, enjoying getting into character at this point since all the generators should be done soon.

“A what?” He said, finally flustered. You couldn’t blame him. A survivor was practically seducing him. A part of him wanted to give in since he already wasted so much time just talking to you. There were, of course, other needs he needed satisfied. The idea of him showing no mercy on you got him hot and bothered.

“A special photoshoot. Just me and you, uhh... Ghostface?” You said to him, resting your eyes.

“It’s Danny--I mean, Jed.” He said to you. You raised your eyebrows in surprise that he even told you his name, you could even swear your cheeks warmed up for a second. No. no, you thought. Do not get distracted.

“Jed, huh? Sounds easy to yell.” You responded with a smirk.

At this point, Ghostface decided he definitely wanted you. He quickly gave into his desire since he had his own desires and fantasies he wanted to put at ease. Plus, a survivor like you giving yourself to him? It sounded too good to be true in his own dirty, messed up standards. He silently smirked behind his mask. Hooking and killing wasn’t the only way he wanted to hurt you now. He saw this as a way to properly get back at you for hitting him with your toolbox.

What did you get yourself into, he thought menacingly. Unbeknownst to him, you were already one step ahead of him. Ghostface wrapped his hands around your waist and brought you closer to him. Y/N froze for a moment but brushed her knee against his upper thigh in a rather suggestive manner. She didn’t think it would work yet it did.

“So, when do you want to do this, baby?” He asked you in a lower tone. You felt your cheeks flush and your heartrate beginning to increase but you had to stand your ground for a few more seconds. You looked away for a moment with an unimpressed stare.

“You’re such a gentlemen.” You said sarcastically, pushing away from him by his chest. The feeling of his leather and fabric was firm, you kinda liked that.

“Now what?” He asked in frustration. Your eyes averted towards the tools spread out on the ground from the box. Y/N came up with an idea.

“Pick my stuff up for me and maybe we can do something... quick.” You said, tugging your shirt downwards suggestively.

“Okay, okay. Fine.” Ghostface responded to you sarcastically.

He turned to look at the tools on the ground. Kneeling down, he set the toolbox upright and began to put the tools back. Ghostface found it interesting how such small tools can play a big part in fixing the generators faster. He’d be pissed off if some random fucker like the Clown came and busted it up after long, hard work. You watched him actually do as you asked. It was somewhat heartwarming. No, actually, it wasn’t. You didn’t wanna catch feelings for him.

Y/N looked around, inhaling quietly. He seemed focused on picking up the smaller tools. You weren’t sure when to make your move. Suddenly, a horn blasted. A feeling of relief washed through your body. His head popped up as you quickly sprinted away from him. Ghostface whipped his head around.

“Shit, fuck...!” He muttered. It was at this point where he realized what you did. He felt angry at himself for giving into his urges instead of just hooking you and killing you and your little friends. Ghostface smashed your toolbox against the generator in anger.

Standing up, he put his knife away. Despite being furious, he still found you attractive and confident for even trying that with him. It fueled a different urge within him. Oh, he would definitely make you pay. Not from the hooks, of course. He smirked at the idea of it and began to walk off to the other door once he began to calm down.

Y/N, he thought.

#ghostface #ghostface x reader #danny johnson #jed olsen #jed olsen x reader #danny johnson x reader #dead by daylight fanfic #dead by daylight #dead by daylight x reader #dbd x reader

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letsbenditlikebennett · 4 years ago

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Werewolves of London || Ariana & Luis

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @ontheluis & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: After Luis talks about eating wolfsbane on the regular online, Ariana gets him to meet with her. CONTENT: Disease (lycanthropy) and cannibalism mentions

The slow longing chords of Solamente Una Vez wafted through a grove whose canopy yellowed leaves were gradually succumbing to winter’s encroachment. The ground was a soggy carpet of fallen leaves broken up by tumorous roots and mossy slabs of rock left over from the passage of ancient glaciers.

Luis sat on a fallen log, letting the concentration of playing and the sound of his guitar take him away. Ever since his injury and the blackouts, sounds had become much louder and smells gag-inducingly intense even as the colors faded.

The autumnal reds, golds, and yellows were all the same color to Luis now. But he could pick out individual leaves rustling in the trees and tiny variations in the mud’s musk where animals decomposed under the leaf rot. Music helped distance him from a world that’d often seemed so loud that his own thoughts got swallowed up.

He was meeting @letsbenditlikebennett here today. Overall probably a bad idea for a cannibal to meet random people from the internet, but Luis let these apprehensions slide away in the notes of Solamente Una Vez.

There was something about the fall that put her at ease. While the colors were dull and muted to her, Ariana found the rustle of leaves moving on the ground with the wind had a soothing quality. In part, it allowed her to push away some of the things she was worrying about and focus on this new wolf she was about to meet. Or at least, she assumed he was a very confused werewolf with how much he seemed to like wolfsbane. If he was a wolf and wanted to survive, he was going to learn to be smarter about things. Not that being smart about things was necessarily her speciality, but hey, something about those who can’t do, can teach or something. She followed the faint sound of music to where they were meeting and as soon as she approached, her suspicions were confirmed. He smelled like a wolf and studied his features curiously to see if he could put it together, too. She calmly greeted, “Hey, I’m Ariana. We talked online, it’s good to meet you.” She extended her hand to shake and plopped down on the ground beside him. “So stoner kid, you new here or something?”

“Uh…”

The human part of Luis’ brain was confused as to why the stranger smelled weird in a familiar way as he shook her hands. But some deeper animalistic part of him knew exactly what was going on and who Ariana was. Luis’ rational mind was suspicious of the young woman who just seemed to know things, but his instincts recognized kindred like the memory of a home he’d never known.

The muscles in Luis’ body subconsciously relaxed as sat on the log beside where Ariana reclined . First the first time in a long time Luis was just himself in another person’s person without the constant fear of mauling them. Luis’ posture slumped in one of tranquil ease as he strummed strings. Pop on

Wait...what the hell was going on?

“Yeah came in about...I dunno, like a week ago?” Luis frowned with a bemused scrunch of the face common to those who don’t really worry overmuch about plans or the passage of time. “What about you? Been um...sleepwalking for long?”

Ariana studied his features as she watched him process her presence. There was no doubt as she watched his face that he could smell her, too. Even the way she saw the tension leave his shoulders made it apparent he recognized their like nature even if he had no idea what it all meant. Instincts were strong that way and wolves did better together. At least, that’s what she had always understood. She was still looking for that wolf community, but she supposed she made her own community. Her own family. That didn’t erase the responsibility she had to Luis. He was evidently very new to all of this to the point he thought he was sleepwalking. Having been at this her whole life, she had her wolf nature under solid control. It was so intertwined with who she was that she found a certain harmony. She wasn’t sure how much of that could be truly taught, but she could show him the ropes. Help make sure he stayed safe and others were safe from him. She’d need to start slowly though. “A week ago. Well, welcome to town then. May I ask what brought you here?” She looked to him calmly and enjoyed the soft music that played as he strummed the guitar. Her head bobbed slightly to the side as he mentioned sleepwalking. She ended up shaking her head slowly. “I wouldn’t quite call it sleepwalking. I’m awake. From what I understand, you won’t remember what’s happening the first year or so, but I was born like this. Before I try to explain what we are and how we’re like this, can you tell me what you make of all this?”

Luis was a naturally honest and guileless person who’d unfortunately gained some rather gory secrets. Said secrets were so unbelievable that Luis hid them even from himself. Luis had seen his own partially shifted reflection and recognized that the enormous tooth marks on his victims didn’t match his own human incisors. The evidence led inevitably towards a conclusion that was as incriminating as it was insane, thus Luis had descended into denial and heavy substance abuse as a substitute to facing down the wolf in the mirror.

But Luis trusted Ariana, even if he didn’t know how he could instinctively put so much faith in a complete stranger.

“I always cause trouble in town, hurt people when I don’t mean to,” was today’s giant understatement. “So I just kinna keep hiking when shit goes down,” Luis said, as if this qualified as a solid plan. “Now I’m here.”

Ariana’s second question elicited a frightened stare from Luis. The young man’s jaw muscles clenched and the impulse to just run headlong into the woods clearly played across his expressive features. However the sense of lupine belonging was apparently strong enough that Luis worked himself back into calm. He began playing soft chords again and halting words eventually followed.

“You were born like this,” Luis finally asked, his low tenor voice cracking a little. “That’s horrible...I’m sorry.” Ariana asked for his theory and Luis struggled to find the words. “I’ve caught some sorta disease,” he began. “I’m angry most of the time now,” Luis admitted. “Sometimes I can keep it in, but when I lose my chill I bite people….I uh….wake up with lots of dead people around me some mornings,” Luis said after a long painful swallow. “All gnawed up.”

Being a werewolf was the only thing Ariana had ever known. It was difficult for her to imagine life any other way and it was far from something she’d ever want to change about herself. Still, she couldn’t imagine her biology changing overnight like this. There was no denying this whole experience was difficult for Luis and she wasn’t entirely sure on how to make it better. This sort of thing came naturally to Ariana so she’d just have to show him how she managed. Surely he’d be able to learn. Winn had seemed to gain pretty solid control of his wolf side after some time. She ignored the way her heart thudded harder at the thought of Winn and how she wished he was here to help.

“I understand, but I can help with that. I know it has to be scary,” she said in the most soothing tone she could muster despite her own apprehension. She didn’t know him well enough to reach out for a comforting gesture, so she just kept her gaze soft and on him. “Well, you don’t have to run anymore. You can learn to control this.”

The apology that she was born like this felt wrong. She’d never disliked what she was. In fact, she was quite proud of it. She was powerful and she was good. Her instincts gave her an edge and she felt at peace with what she was. “Oh, don’t be sorry. It’s not a bad thing. At least, I always knew what I was and how to live in a way that caused minimal harm to others. Once you get used to it, I think maybe you can feel the same way.”

“It’s called lycanthropy,” she responded carefully, “You change on the full moon or sometimes likely when you feel afraid. If you want to avoid that, you’ll need to find a reasonable spot to spend the full moon. I usually go deep out into the forest, but I’ve been at this a long time. I remember my full moons. How long have you been like this?”

“I’m not scared,” Luis snapped, the words coming in out as a low snarl deep in his throat. It was a heated lie of course, Luis had lived in a constant state of anger and fear for months now. But the irrational rage at Arriana’s gentle assurance had been instantaneous .

It took Luis a second to realize he’d bared his teeth and tensed up. “Uh sorry,” he apologized, flushing a hot red around the cheeks and neck with embarrassment. “You uh didn’t deserve that…”

Luis’ following dubious expression hinted that perhaps he couldn’t conceive how being born this way could be anything other than misfortune but was keeping that to himself.

“Lycanthropy,” Luis repeated, his annunciation making it clear that the word didn’t register any significance to him beyond being vaguely sciency sounding. “Change...you mean when I go crazy” he reasoned before frowning in thought. “Uhhhhh like ...a few months?”

“Easy now,” Ariana soothed as she placed her hands up to show she meant no harm. The defensive reaction confirmed he was in fact scared though he tried to hide it. The reaction was hardly one she could fault Luis for. It wasn’t a convincing brave face, but she knew she put one on often enough and could understand. “It’s okay, Luis,” she said easily, “You don’t have to apologize. I know this is a lot and whatever you’re feeling right now is valid.”

She couldn’t pretend to understand what he was going through. Being a werewolf had been part of her life since day one. She’d never be able to understand being thrust into a different life overnight and she didn’t envy Luis for that. Explaining all of this wasn’t going to be easy. “Lycanthropy,” she repeated again. She wanted to just out and say werewolf, but that would seem far fetched to most.

“Yes, there are some physical changes you go through during that time of the month or if you feel threatened at all,” she explained as simply as she could. This felt so watered down, but she didn’t want him to immediately run thinking she was crazy. “From what I’ve been told, most don’t remember these changes for the first year. But I think you know they’re happening. Like right now, you can probably smell that I’m like you. Are you following? Do you have any questions?”

“Uuuuhhhhh.” Luis’ expression and the manner in which he fiddled with the hood of his red sweatshirt suggested he wasn’t following particularly closely. He might’ve even gotten a bit lost on the mental trail.

“So why would I be able to smell that you’ve got the same disease as me,” Luis wondered aloud, blissfully unaware of how his body had already fundamentally changed on the cellular level since that first full moon. “What physical changes do you mean? Like...am I going to start foaming at uh, the mouth or whatever?

This was far more difficult than Ariana would have liked. Her tendency towards honesty and bluntly stating things wasn’t what this situation called for. Luis was confused. He didn’t understand any of this and she had to ease him into all this as much as she could. Not that there was really a way to do that. He was a werewolf and that was that. He couldn’t slowly learn his more wolflike nature. She fumbled with some of the rocks on the ground. Sitting still had never been her strong point and the motions gave all the energy coursing through her some sort of outlet. Albeit, not a productive one, but an outlet all the same.

“It’s not quite a disease, at least not for me. It’s just what I am. Well, what we are,” she started and fidgeted with one of the stones in her hand, “You’re not human anymore. I never have been. I don’t know a way to make this any easier to understand, so I’m just going to tell you. If you’re going to be safe and keep others safe from you, there are things you need to know.”

Was that enough of a preface for this? She didn’t know. None of this was far fetched to her. She finally let the rocks fall back to the ground. “Not foaming at the mouth, not really. Drooling maybe. It’s a little more intense than that though. We look more wolf-like than human-like under the light of the full moon. Our instincts match it, too. A drive to hunt. You shouldn’t be anywhere near other people during the full moon.” For a good number of reasons, but her responsibility now was to him.

“Hombre-lobo,” mouthed Luis incredulously after a moment, “you mean we’re werewolves...like Dog Soldiers movie stuff?”

Luis’ wide-eyed expression in that instant was more the unguarded surprise of someone who's been walked in on while naked rather than actual unbelief.

But the walls came up seconds after, a shadow of that same impulsive rage from before mingled with humor, as if human and wolf were inwardly disagreeing on how they should deal with this. “Fuuuuck!” It came out as both a laugh and an angry curse. “You had me, you friggen had me!” Luis slammed a fist jocularly on the log beside him, perhaps not realizing that his blow left a dent in the solid wood. “How could you like? ‘You’re not human anymore….madre de dios..what the hell Bennet.”

Luis’ fingers danced along the strings in an upbeat staccato rhythm, breaking into Warren Zevon’s 1978 “Werewolves of London.”

“I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand,” he claimed to Ariana with a raise of tawny of eyebrows and a more peaceable smile. “Walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain

He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's

Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein…”

“Aaoooooo,” Luis hollered with a grin, his tenor voice sending the chorus through the glade’s quiet as he steady rhythm on the guitar continued on. “Werewolves of London!”

Aaoooooo

Werewolves of London!

Aaoooooo

“You hear him howling around your kitchen door

You better not let him in

Little old lady got mutilated late last night…”

The unwilling murderer’s fingers missed a chord after that mention of carnage, normally smooth voice cracking for an instant. But after that momentary tremble he went on about the ‘the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent’ and ‘a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's.’

“Why come all the way out here to troll me with that,” Luis eventually asked as the last notes of Zevon faded. “Like...it was great, I’m only like a ...quarterish pissed,” he admitted with a grin that waned at the edges as he searched Arianna’s face but didn’t find a prank fulfilled.

“Why?”

“Well, yes,” Ariana answered slowly as she had not expected him to immediately catch on to what she meant. She watched him carefully and tried to decipher just what was going through his head. “I’ve never seen that movie, but probably not quite. Movies don’t usually get this shit right.” Twilight and Teen Wolf were proof of that.

Any sense of chill in his demeanor was quickly lost and Ariana was stuck staring at him wide-eyed. Of course he thought she was fucking with him. Before all of this, he was probably just some normal guy living a normal life and now had something he wasn’t capable of understanding thrust upon him. Still, he was being kind of an ass about it. She grumbled and said, “I’m not fucking with you, dude. I know it seems crazy, but the sooner you believe what’s going on, the sooner we can work on keeping you and others safe.”

Then he started playing some song she’d never heard with an amount of vigor that left her shifting uncomfortably on the ground. Luis really had no basis or understanding of the supernatural. This wasn’t going to be easy. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if she was the person that should be helping him. Her help seemed to hurt more than help more often than not these days, but she couldn’t just leave him to fend for himself.

Her arms crossed over her chest and there was an annoyed look on her face as he continued to play some weird werewolf song. When he finally stopped, it was clear he was no closer to believing her. “Bro, I’m not trolling you,” she snapped back, “If I was trolling you, how would I have been able to guess that it was a wolf who attacked you? That you black out around the full moon? I’d even wager that you’re probably sore as hell the following days… you know, because every bone in your body breaks and shifts. That gets better over time, but you have to admit there’s some shit going on with you that there’s no normal answer for.”

“Why,” she marveled, “Because I know you can sense we’re alike, even if you can’t understand. Because I know what I’m doing and how to keep myself from hurting people. Because it’s obvious you need help.”

It’d been clear that Luis had intended to play this encounter off as a cute girl pulling his leg and avoid the uncomfortable topics beneath the surface. He’d make fun of the entire werewolf thing, she’d drop it, they’d do a few joints maybe, and it’d all be chill.

But the moment Ariana brought off the wolf attack in person he stopped casually strumming the strings.. He tried to fight down memories of being torn into like a screaming piece of meat, dragged and mauled on the ground beneath a thing of nightmare. The young man’s breathing started to become shallow and quicksand

“Yeah you're right,” he admitted hoarsely, the scar on his side seeming to burn like a brand. “About all that stuff, the wolf, blacking out, my bones breaking,” Luis’ skin felt cold and clammy down his spine as he hopped down from the log and slung the guitar over his shoulder.

“And your right, I...do...need help,” he emphasized while taking a step back from her. Because we aren’t werewolves! We’re just sick! We need a cure!”

While understanding hadn’t fully sunk in, Ariana could go with the “sick” thing until he got a proper reality check. Even if it was fucking insulting. She wasn’t a disease, but he couldn’t understand that. Not yet. And she needed to be better for him. He was the one new to all of this. Still she muttered, “I know I’m right.” It’s almost like she knew what she was talking about or something. She sighed and took in the quiet that followed him no longer strumming the strings of the guitar.

“I know it’s scary, too.” She gave a nod to show some understanding in the wake of her annoyance. She was still a bit annoyed, but she could hardly blame him for not accepting what she said at face value. Denial was a crazy thing. She leaned back on her palms and felt the crunch of leaves under her hands. With a softened look on her face, she agreed, “I guess you could say that. I don’t see it like that, but I get why you would. You don’t have to believe me about all this, but maybe you could join me for the next full moon? We can be far away from people.”

She hoped he would, but it was evident they’d need to take this whole thing slow. “Enough of that for now, we can talk more when you’re ready,” she said gently before gesturing to the guitar, “So, you know any Post Malone?”

#wickedswriting #werewolves of london #luis #illness tw #cannibalism tw #both mentions #and in reference to lycanthropy

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rainbowgoddd99 · 4 years ago

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♡︎Even at any moment You are always the sh*t ♥︎

Read it over and over every minute as much as you need just keep going you can it’s okay if you think you can’t you can you can you can you CAN!!!! Take it easy one by one you definitely can. If you can’t focus on your own life then try to make another’s bright even if it’s just one word you can you can be that light until you find your own. You are strong you matter.

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again...

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down .

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate.

94. The new season of Sherlock.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. Being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years.

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen at any moment, make the most out of your life, life seems so long but short, enjoy it, do whatever you want, break a bunch of laws, travel the world, change your style, help others, do things that make you happy. Who gives. FUCK what people say or judge you about just bark at them. Have a good mindset and you’ll be ok. I love you <333333

You got this yeah that seems shallow to say but hell YOU GOT THIS you do look at you I mean you’re amazing it’s okay to not feel it from time to time but you’re important yes the hell you are fuck those voices you are important you are you matter you mean something on this world you exist the world know it you have helped so many so let them help you back now yes pain hurtsss so much it really hurts and it feels like it’s never ending it makes you not have a thing to look forward to but you know what it’s not forever it’s not I know that’s not the best to hear when you are in such pain but you can do this you can do it even if you can’t see light pretend there is one if you can’t then just laugh an laugh an laugh because one day that laugh will be real and you’ll look back an just amazing wonder just how you did it and that’s because you’re strong you are also remember these thing you are valid you are you matter and you are godam awesome you learn with everything it makes you stronger it molds you so when you find your destiny you’ll be really it just sucks with uncertainty there’s so many versions of you and each is amazing each can do this each an every one you will definitely see light again it’s coming just taking time on your path because it’s so amazed by the greatness it’s seeing and soon you’ll see just want it did you got a life you really do you got one dangg you do! It’s amazing it really is it can be tiring definitely it wears you down just know you won’t be tired forever

You will look up one day and breath and that air will be so clear

You will see just what life really is and that’s

Wonderful

Full of different experience

There’s pain

There’s regret

But there’s discovering new things

Obsessing over dumb things

Life is not horrible it’s not amazing either at then end of the day life is life it’s random an definitely unexplainable but it’s for you an only you emotions will get to you but some things need you to some things you’re there destiny and you yourself have a great destiny you got this I mean it I know you do now cry scream get mad regret do it all!!!!!!!! But know you really do got this you are strong and you YOU CAN LIVEEEE!!!!!!

Not today not tomorrow either not ever okay

You got this you have so many rolls left

You can smile

Fuck it lol if any one ever is over it just say fuck it

I made this for people that in every bodies eyes is amazing and make them feel better and people suffering with mental issues I made this for people who don’t go out enough that they are losing vitamins in there body and are causing physical damage to there body because you can’t get up in time to do normal things like pee I want you to know I know it’s not a joke I know it hurts and I know half of you suffer alone or try to do masking techniques you have been taught. Others are out there and sure there are some that try to understand and relate and that’s very nice that they try but I get that in them doing that it makes you feel more and more bad they mean no harm tho remember that they aren’t you so they have no clue what they do. There is some there just like you it’s true. You just have to find them.

It's your life fuck anyone who tries to have a say in it you all are your own main mother freaking character you all are.

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allie1804-fan · 4 years ago

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New Beginnings (Chapter 3)

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New Beginnings Baby Drabble

New Beginnings Baby Drabble No2

6 months later (November)

It was a Saturday morning at around 9 when Emily stirred from her slumber, easing out from under Keanu’s grasp to go to the bathroom. As she wiped herself after taking a leak, she felt the tell-tale sign that her period had started.She drew a shaky breath and tried to get herself under control but it was no good. Anger and sadness filled her with bitterness. She knew rationally that this could take a while and 6 months was nothing in the scheme of things but it was relentless having the monthly reminder that they had failed again. She decided on a hot shower to soothe her tension away and got up from the toilet to turn the water on.

“think positive thoughts” she berated herself as the water tumbled down “you have a girly lunch with Chloe today, that will cheer you up and maybe you can talk over these raging feelings with her”

As she washed the shampoo suds out of her hair she heard the shower door slide open and Keanu stepped in behind her immediately wrapping his arms around her.

“Morning sweethe…. don’t” she interrupted her greeting, yelping as his fingers had started to trail to her opening”

“What?, I thought you liked that!”

“I do, usually - sorry love, it’s just, you don’t wanna go there, I just got my period” she huffed, looking up at him over her shoulder with sad eyes”

He pulled her round to face him and hugged her close.

“Try not to worry, darling, we’ll get there, it just sometimes takes a while I guess”

Emily nodded back, a stray tear leaking out which he smoothed away with his thumb.

“Don’t you have plans today? Lunch with Chloe on the Drive right?”

“Yeah, what are you doing?”

“biking and lunch with the boys – be back around 5 I expect”

Over breakfast Chloe started on a topic she didn’t think would go down well with Keanu but she couldn’t stop herself

“Do you think we should maybe do anything different, you know to help our chances?”

“like what?”

“Well maybe like trying to be a bit healthier?”

“We are healthy, aren’t we? – I mean we eat well. Don’t drink that much……….. oh I see where this is going. So this is my fault now because I smoke right?”

“I never said it was anyone’s fault Ke – I just want to move ahead and maybe that might help. Listen, you don’t have to give anything up. It’s just an idea is all”

Keanu stepped around the kitchen island. His face was contrite as he wrapped his arms around her gently.

“I’m sorry, I over-reacted. I know this is especially hard on you ….”

“Oh so it’s OK for you because you don’t really mind either way huh?”

“Jesus Christ woman, no that’s not what I meant. I just meant everything feels focussed on your body – if we succeed, you’ll be sick and all that and when we don’t succeed you have the reminder of your period driving you crazy, that’s all I meant! And if you recall, it was me who brought up the idea first, not you so don’t say I don’t want this!”

“God sorry, sorry – I’m just crabby. Ignore me”

He hugged her to him “take a taxi to lunch, go drink espresso martinis, champagne – whatever you want. Take my American Express card and go shopping on Rodeo Drive after!”

She laughed and hugged him back.

“Good plan Reeves – I might take you up on that”

They puttered around the house getting ready for their respective trips both looking forward to time with other people after the tension of the morning.

Emily met with Chloe at 208 Rodeo at noon hugging her tightly.

“Boy, I really, really need this” she exclaimed. I’m gonna drink myself a little bit silly then take you up to the shops on the drive and exploit my boyfriend’s credit card, deal?”

“Sure” Chloe said brightly though Emily caught the whisper of hesitation in her manner. Brushing it off, they headed in to get their table by the window.

“So how’s tricks?” Emily asked

“No, no you first, you’ve always got more interesting things going on than me” Chloe protested.

“Well if interesting is getting my period again then your life must be really dull!” Emily grimaced.

Chloe was the only person she’d trusted with the secret that she and Keanu were trying for a baby and for the first 5 months she’d sent ‘crying face’ emoji’s to Chloe each month when the bad news came.

The waitress came back just as Chloe had taken Emily’s hand in hers giving it a squeeze, a pained look on her face.

“2 espresso martinis to start us off ” Emily exclaimed.

“no no not for me Chloe exclaimed. Just a white wine spritzer. I can’t take the hard stuff at lunch.

“Spoil sport” Emily pouted.

Their drinks came and they placed their orders for lunch, settling back to their prior conversation.

“Listen, Em, you’ll get there in the end. It’s just random luck you know. It took ages, you know like well over a year for Jamie and” she paused

“and what?”

“and nothing, I just mean it can take a while. I know it’s super frustrating but, you know it can’t be so bad doing the deed with him can it”

Emily giggled and blushed

“Ok, ok you got me there. I’ll try to chill but I guess it’s just starting to grate and then I end up looking for advice on the internet and this morning I brought up his smoking ….”

“Oh! and how did that go?”

“badly I’d say, he got real defensive, then guilty. I was just so tetchy – my period came this morning and I’d started to hope some of my now obviously pre-menstrual symptoms were, you know, symptoms!”

“It’s such a bitch that they are basically the same symptoms right?” Chloe sympathised.

“thank god I have you to talk to. I think I’d go completely crazy without you. So, do you think I overstepped mentioning his smoking? I guess I forgot that it took you a year to get pregnant with Jamie. Did you and John ever fall out over it?”

Chloe laughed a little nervously.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry….”

“hey, no it’s OK – where shall I start. Errm yes we fell out – I got kind of obsessed you know with the optimum conditions and he felt like I only wanted sex for making a baby you know. It’s so hard to chill and not to wonder why it’s not worked but listen, it’ll probably just fall into place when you least expect it” Chloe looked away through the restaurant window, a frown crossing her face.

“You OK hun?” Emily asked, “you seem kind of distracted today”

“I guess I am, distracted I mean”

Emily looked questioningly at Chloe

“so what’s up”

“Hun, I have something to tell you and I know it’s not going to be easy and given what we’ve been discussing, it’s going to hurt …..”

Chloe’s eyes were filled with tears as she watched the realisation slowly dawn on Emily’s face.

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?”

Chloe nodded slowly reaching out her hand to Emily’s – Emily tried to pull away at first but Chloe grasped her fingers

“you know I didn’t do this to hurt you, we only just started trying….”

“you think that fact makes me feel better!?” Emily spat back at her, snatching her hand away now, anger flashing in her eyes

“no, no I just mean I thought about how it might be if I got pregnant first but after Jamie I was just sure you’d fall first and it wouldn’t be ….like this” she gulped down a sob “please don’t hate me Em!”

Emily took a shaky hold of her drink and gulped it down then just stared at the table for what seemed like several long minutes to Chloe. Emily battled with herself, wanting to run away and die in a ditch but knowing she needed Chloe too and she still had a tiny rational voice telling her this was just bad luck for her and not a deliberate act of spite by Chloe and John. She took a deep breath and looked Chloe in the eye at last.

“Congratulations” she smiled tightly. “I’m not gonna lie, this is , err painful for me but I know it shouldn’t be. Honestly, I’m happy for you, it will be great for Jamie to have a brother or sister”

“Thanks Em … I love you, you know?”

“I know” Em sniffed.

Their lunches arrived giving them the opportunity to just digest this new change in their lives. Eventually Emily spoke, sticking to the same theme.

“So” Emily began “do you have any top tips for how I’m gonna make it through this without going completely bat-shit crazy?”

“not sure I’m the best person to ask somehow, given the amount of times I took ovulation tests and my temperature when we were trying with Jamie.

Emily chuckled.

“I’ve been telling myself not to go there but now it’s getting very tempting. Especially as I am pretty sure we’re gonna miss some opportunities soon coz Keanu’s off on a 6 week shoot in January.

“well I can’t stop you going there and I know only too well that telling you to relax is just stupid. But maybe just try to have as much other stuff going on to think about, you know. I’m not saying that it will make conceiving more likely, but it might just stop you going bonkers! And I know this doesn’t really apply to you, but we ended up deciding to spend a bunch of our savings on a trip – do you remember when we went to Paris and stayed in the Georges V?

“yeah, yeah I do – why did you think that would help?!”

“I think we just thought screw it, we deserve something nice and maybe fate’s sense of irony would grant us a pregnancy the minute we’d run our savings down and couldn’t really afford a child!”

“And did it work?”

“yeah I guess so, I think we went on that trip in the June and we were pregnant by end July!”

“maybe I should get Keanu to donate all his money to charity then!”

“nahhh don’t do that - but hey a holiday might be a good thing. What else do you have going on?”

“I’ve got some re-writes on a couple of movies and Keanu’s TV thing is back on the table so I’ve got some deadlines to keep me busy”

Their lunch continued and they even went and did a little shopping in the upscale stores on Rodeo Drive. Emily was back home by 5 and Keanu arrived shortly after.

“Did you have fun sweetie” he asked “looks like you got in some retail therapy too, huh?” he said noting the bags on the floor.

“yeah thanks, I did” she said quietly

“you sure, you don’t look too happy ………… is Chloe OK?”

“Yup, Chloe is fine …… Chloe is pregnant!”

“oh!”

“yes, oh”

“I don’t know what to say”

“It’s OK, we didn’t fight or anything, in fact talking to her was useful - but I can’t deny at first I wanted to curl up and die!”

“Come ‘ere” He pulled her into a tight hug.

“It’ll be OK hun, we’ll get there ……. And if we don’t we have each other right?”

Emily nodded sadly

“you don’t have to look so thrilled at the idea of just me!” he huffed

“sorry, I know you’re right and I love you, you know I do, but I, I just really want this you know and I’m not ready to think about it not happening, not just yet OK?”

“OK, me neither”

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New Beginnings Baby Drabble

New Beginnings Baby Drabble No2

#keanu #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction #romance #trying for a baby

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one-hell-of-a-manic-girl · 5 years ago

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I was officially diagnosed with rheumatism (autoimmune, not degenerative). I'm fucking devastated.

I mean, I know that I kinda had something like that since I was 12 or so, but it's never affected me much. Sometimes my knee or my shoulder would hurt and I thought okay, no big deal, no need to go to the doctor's - admittedly that I don't like going to the doctor anyway, unless I'm kinda like dying or something - but during the past two months, my body decided to become my own, personal living hell.

The inflammation started to spread slowly from my shoulders to my ellbows down to my wrists and at some point even my left thumb fucking ached. Other than my knees, it "only" spread to my right hip, which is terrible enough when you are a side sleeper - and I really like sleeping on my right side. =.=

I reached the point at which not even ibuprofen or voltaren helped in any way - both of which you shouldn't be taking longer than three days anyway bc it seriously fucks up your stomach and bowel and weakens your immune system further which is under attack already - but the pain got so bad that I couldn't sleep anymore or do anything like watering my plants bc my arms hurt so much. For two days, even my thyroid hurt due to the inflammation. The only thing that helped at least a bit was cooling my burning joints with cold packs wrapped in a thin piece of cloth.

Obviously, I should've visited the doctor much earlier, i. e. the moment my knee was in pain. However, I really didn't want to have cortisone injected and still don't want it tbh... Plus, I was like 12 or 13, like hell I cared back then.

In case you start suffering from joint inflammation: Go to the doctor's AT ONCE!! Don't wait until the inflammation spreads to both sides of your body to avoid as much damage as possible. Even though you'll be treated with medication that eases your pain and symptoms (rheumatism cannot be cured though), the damage that was already done to your joints cannot be reversed.

I know, I hesitated bc of cortisone treatment, but you can, should and have to talk to your doctor. They need to refer you to a rheumatologist and you can explain to them that you only accept cortisone in worst cases. They should diagnose your type of rheumatism and treat you with the respective and suitable medication and not with random shit that might fuck up your body with unnecessary side effects.

As I said, in my case, I'm like reeeaaally late, because the inflammation spread to quite a lot of joints. I can still treat it, but it's going to take a while to reduce the affects.

What can I do though? Well, as I said, I don't like relying on painkillers at all since they are very, very damaging to your body - in case you didn't know, voltaren pills are even worse than ibuprofen. So, what to do?

I changed my diet to paleo again. In the past two years, I ate pizza and bread again and loads of other crap, even though I knew how extremely good I was feeling with paleo before. However, I was suffering from a very depressive episode and the mere thought of having to pay attention to what I'm eating was already quite exhausting. The side effect was that I gained a whopping 40kg, which really didn't help in battling my depression. Lol! Even without exercising at the moment - I'm still not very motivated tbh, but I recently started slowly with a few pushups just for fun and to get accustomed to it again - I lost 8kg already. Ah, I love paleo so much and I'm so happy that I managed to adapt my diet again. Btw, you can change your paleo diet as per your needs, i. e. there are special diet plans for different autoimmune diseases, for losing weight more effectively and so on. Despite being diagnosed with rheumatism I don't think that I'm ready for radical paleo autoimmune disease plans bc I barely managed to control my cravings for chocolate to a point at which I can stop eating bananas. Lol!! I should really tell you more about paleo and why I'm so convinced of its principles, but that's it for now.

Speaking of exercise: I used to do bodyweight/HIIT in combination with Pilatus. I wouldn't recommend HIIT until you managed to "control" your appetite since you're burning a vast amount of calories in only 20 or 30 minutes. I did it while I was off paleo and was eating more than ever before, so that really backfired. Lmao I've heard that there are special stretching and other exercises for rheumatism, got to check that, too.

I've heard of some of my sister's colleagues who are suffering from rheumatism as well (all of us no older than 30 btw...). They mix a special drink called golden milk. Now you can see how I'm really not into trends or spending much time on the internet bc I just looked it up to check how it's called in English only to learn that it's some sort of trendy super food and not a special drink for rheumatism. Lmao! Well, the point is that it really seems to help them with their inflammation pain, so I'll try that, too. My bf is also into mixing aromatic oils and we learnt that rosemary, mint and especially an herb called arnica can help ease the inflammation. As you can see, I ALWAYS prefer diet, exercise and "household remedies" over any painkillers of any kind - as long as possible, I don't think that I'll be able to avoid it entirely.

So yeah, my own body is attacking me. It's kinda sad, really. Most of the time, I really love my body, despite having gained so much weight (which is my mistake though and not that of my body, lol). But having been diagnosed with rheumatism (and I'm suffering from other shit like neurodermatitis as well) really caused some hatred towards my body for attacking me for such a long time. Rheumatism can have other side effects, you know, like migraine, fatigue and stuff and I realized that it was due to this autoimmune disease that I was "weak", sensitive and prone to other diseases. I've suffered so much from all of this, from the migraine episodes, from countless times I had sinusitis or having a cold many times per year more often than average and especially from the damn fatigue that it really made me mad that only one autoimmune disease is probably responsible for all of this.

However, my bf recently told me that I shouldn't hate my body, but have some compassion bc my body doesn't WANT to attack me, it's just not capable of recognizing me anymore and very confused and tries to do its job even though it's the wrong direction. That was so moving that I really changed my mind and now am more at peace with my body.

Well, long story short, I hope I'll learn to cope with this disease and that this blog post will help others, too. I might keep you posted on this, but I'll definitely post something about paleo once in a while. :P

#rheumatoiddisease #rheumatoid arthritis #rheumatism #rheumatology #arthritis #inflammation #inflammatory disease #autoimmune disorder #autoimmunehealth #paleo #nutrition #exercise #bodyweighttraining #hiit #pilatus

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artificialqueens · 6 years ago

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you have (5) new messages. (Branjie) - ohhthereuare

AN: Based on the night Miss Vanjie drunkenly posted some angsty and sad posts to her Instagram Story that she deleted seconds later. She also made some phone calls.

AO3

Brooke’s alarm rang precisely at 7 am and she groaned while reaching out to turn it off. All these years of discipline and waking up at unholy hours before rehearsals and performances did nothing to ease the pain of early mornings. She always kept her phone on silent with no vibrations because God knew she needed those hours of beauty rest to be able to give her all day after day, especially now since her Drag Race career has started and turned everything upside down.

She squinted at her phone in the dark, the curtains blocking some of the rising sun. She was still getting used to the tons of mentions and notifications across all social media that swarmed her every morning but something was off today. There was more than usual. Like, much more. She scrolled down the Instagram and Twitter alerts to the bottom and saw a couple of missed calls from a name that immediately made her heart beat faster and body wake up despite the previous drowsiness.

You have five new messages.

“Hiiiiiii! We out and about todaaaay and having so much fun! Silk’s here and them girls keep buying me shots. There’s some eye-candy as well but none as cute as your ass. Y’know, you could be here tonight, though I know you can’t, not really. So I thought—Bitch, you try that one more time and Imma–”

There was some rustling, someone who sounded suspiciously like Silky yelling in the background and the phone call ended abruptly. Brooke sat up in her bed, leaning against the headboard and running her hand through her curly mess of morning hair. It wasn’t uncommon for Vanessa to go out and get hammered after the gigs with her fellow sisters. From the heavy bass playing, but not being able to overpower Vanjie’s loud voice, they must have been at a club and Brooke knew the routine so well she had no trouble picturing it now. Sweaty and tired bodies, feet hurting from wearing hooker heels, slumping over the bar to down shots and get back to the dancefloor. Lights catching the ever-present remaining glitter on her cheekbones, chest, and shoulders. All the eyes are on her but she doesn’t notice, doesn’t care and keeps dancing with her own eyes closed, yelling the lyrics so loud Brooke never knew how she’s never lost her voice so far.

You have four new messages.

“You must’ve seen it, yeah, I mean, everybody did. I guess the internet is forever, bitch. Just—don’t—I mean, uh, it’s the alcohol, y’know how it turns me into this emotional messy hoe and I’m too much in my head and fuck—Just—Ignore it, okay? That was—Yeah, shit, it’s gone now. It was nothing. Bye.”

Brooke guessed she must have been referring to the thousands of mentions and tagged pictures that she still hasn’t seen. She just hoped it was nothing too inappropriate although with Miss Vanjie you never knew.

You have three new messages.

“I bet you haven’t even listened—Yeah, it doesn’t matter, you don’t really have to. The thing is, it was, y’know, a part of the game. The game! Yeah! The one we keep playing and making everyone believe it’s for real and shit and it was just another thing. So I deleted that and they think it’s even more real because why would’ve I even do that, right? So it’s all good. We’re good.”

You have two new messages.

Brooke waited for a few seconds and the voice on the other end kept silent. Everything was weirdly silent compared to the music and yelling and stumbling words that filled the previous messages. Just some random rustling and murmurs. Brooke was about to move to the last message when someone spoke up.

“You gonna be fine?”

This time it was Silky. She sounded weirdly gentle and quiet. A long murmur came in response. Vanessa must have accidentally called her from what sounded like the inside of her pocket. Brooke kept listening.

“Okay, Imma leave you here, bitch. You sure you gonna be fine?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

There was a sound of someone turning a key and doors opening. Heavy steps thudding in the silence. Suddenly a loud yelp, a few curses muttered under breath and things cluttering against the floor. More rustling. A heavy sigh.

“Ah shit.”

You have one new message.

“Uhm, hi B.”

Brooke pressed the cellphone so hard against her ear she might as well try to put it directly into her brain. People were wrong when they said Vanessa Vanjie Mateo had only one volume. Sure, when everyone was watching, whether she was in or out of drag, her voice was so loud and obnoxious she could wake the dead to make them join her party. Brooke never minded. She loved hearing her like that. All that pure nonsense she was spitting on the daily that she made up as she went. But there was another side to her that the Canadian queen only discovered as she got to know her better, as they got closer. Only then, when it was just the two of them in their quiet corner during Untucked, limbs tangled in the backseat of the van or snuggled on the sofa after a long day of entertaining interviews and gigs, Vanessa was someone else entirely. She was soft and gentle, her voice low and raspy like a cat purring, reserved only for her closest’s one to hear.

“It’s been… A mess. Yeah. I’ve been a mess. Sorry about that. I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I do. I just forgot I guess. That’s it’s not just us now. It’s everybody watching. Like it’s their fucking business. Like they know what’s going on. But they don’t know shit.”

Brooke heard a soft rustling of sheets and she imagined Vanessa settling her small frame into a nest made of out blankets and comforters. She knew the telephone must have been placed at the other side of the bed, on the pillow, the way they would talk on FaceTime to indulge themselves in the illusion that the other person was lying beside them and not so far away. The other queen’s voice was barely above a raspy whisper, the words slurring together a little bit from the alcohol and exhaustion. She took a shaky breath and Brooke closed her eyes as her heart actually hurt in her chest.

“It’s hard, y’know? I mean, of course, you know, that’s why we agreed on this shit show but… I miss you. And watching all that every week, how we were, I mean fuckwe should’ve never given that up. And this thing between us, I can’t—I just miss you. Yeah. It’s hard. Being together is hard like that but being apart and knowing we’re not—It’s the worst. I wanna be with you, B. I don’t care if I’m stuck here and you’re in fucking Canada and shit. I—”

Her voice gradually started getting quieter and quieter and Brooke thought she had fallen asleep with the phone on.

“Our song. I kept listening to our song. It’s what got me. Damn these fucking love songs. Ne-yo was right, bitch. Am sick of this shit. I just miss you so much, it’s all I can think ‘bout.”

Brooke could hear her breathing slowing down. She imagined those long eyelashes fluttering shut and lips parting before sleep took hold of her. She had often watched Vanessa in those moments as she laid on the Canadian queen’s chest, head tucked in the nook of Brooke’s neck, small limbs wrapped so tightly around her as if she had been scared otherwise Brooke would have gotten up and left. In a way that’s what happened.

“Love you, B.”

The words were breathed out, they almost got lost in the rustling of sheets, cars driving by outside and the deafening sound of Brooke’s heart hammering in her chest. And yet she heard them. And there was nothing she wanted more but to say them back. Right now. In person.

She had a show to do tonight, then a plane to catch later that, no matter what she desperately wanted, didn’t fly to LA. Vanessa would probably be nursing her hangover at home all day before putting on her wig, stunning makeup to cover the events from the night before and taking the stage like everything was fine. They were forced to get on with their separate lives.

Brooke grabbed her phone and jumped out of bed, already opening the cheapest airlines website and going through her schedule in her head. The words stayed engraved into her memory, burning her throat and filling her chest with how badly she wanted to say them back. Soon she would. There was only one thing she needed to do first. She clicked on the contact info and chose FaceTime. She didn’t have to wait long.

“Hi, Papi.”

#rpdr fanfiction #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #branjie #fluff #angst #ohhthereuare #submission #canon compliant

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nexstrik · 6 years ago

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mirror true the sight i see (ahri/eve/kai’sa/akali)

Summary: In a universe where the arrival of your soul-mate is heralded by a magical animal, Ahri and Evelynn think they have it all figured out. They found each other easily, and that should have been the end of that.

But then one day a weird deer appears in their apartment and refuses to leave them alone.

TW: (Some sexual content but I don’t think this is clear-cut porn, proceed with caution anyway though)

Also can be read on AO3!

‘We know our soulmates by the trials we face on the path to find them.’ That was what her mother always said. Evelynn found the saccharine martyrdom of it, the elevation of the self-sacrificial, to be incredibly boring. But she was too kind to say so out loud. If she realized there was truth to the phrase, in how so many of her friends awoke with painful markings on their skin or blind to all the colors of the world... well, Evelynn kept that to herself too. Love shouldn’t be a crucible. She firmly believed that soul mates arrived when you were ready for them, and not a moment sooner. When you opened your heart and mind to the idea, your body would respond. It was as simple as that. Her own life experience proved it. Clear cut. When she was thirteen, a fox cub appeared in her bedroom. It clung to her like a shadow, never needing food or rest.

A few frantic phone calls and research trips showed that the manifestation of an animal for your soul mate wasn’t unheard of, just incredibly rare. Soul marks often presented as symbols or words on skin, rarely as something external and realized as an animal. Despite her claims otherwise, Evelynn always did have a flair for the dramatic. Maybe she learned it from her mother. It took years for anything to come of it. Years of living with the shadow of her soul mate, wondering what they might be like. Knowing that somewhere out there, another person held a part of her soul, too. She wondered what animal she was. She wondered what it said about her character. She hoped that she was a good person, that her soul mate didn’t see that splinter of her soul and dread meeting its owner. She tried so fucking hard to be a good person. It ate at her more than she wanted to admit, not knowing what her soul was saying at any given moment. She could read the fox so well, saw so much of his owner in him. Evelynn saw capriciousness in the fox, vanity, and a sharp, wicked sense of humor. He even bit her sometimes, never breaking skin but always when she least expected, like he was testing her. Her first instinct was to lash out, but always, she hesitated. If she responded with violence to this, this little creature that depended almost entirely on her love, then what would she do when she met his owner? A human being with all their imperfections and flaws?

She learned patience from the fox.

Meeting Ahri was a bone-deep relief. She saw the pink snake wrapped around the other girl’s wrist, recognized her own soul in the animal’s eyes, and everything else fell into place. She never second-guessed any of it. How could she, when Ahri so perfectly complemented her? Except sometimes, she did. Staring at the ceiling, awake at night. She questioned the concept of soul mates. She doubted the merit of something so utterly random and out of her control. But then she would turn in her bed and see her wife with a fox sprawled over her lower back and a serpent coiled on top of her head, all three of them fast asleep. And she remembered that the earth was nothing but a massive spinning ball of dirt and fire and gas, that literally every aspect of her existence was happenstance and out of her control. Being existential and overly melancholy didn’t suit her. So she rolled with it and marched on.

Until one morning, Ahri stepped outside to get the mail and everything changed forever. She hovered there in the entrance to their apartment, stock still. Very slowly, she closed the door, ran over to Evelynn and scream-whispered, "Honey! Eve! Come quick, you've got to see this!"

Curled up on their doorstep was a baby deer small enough to fit in both of her palms, white-speckled and wide-eyed. In the middle of Seoul. Miles from any zoo or sanctuary or anywhere you might rationally find a deer.

"Hello, beautiful!" Ahri sang, her phone camera working at a frenzied pace. "Where did you come from? Are you lost? It's so small, Eve, what should we do...?"

The fawn's ears flicked forward when Evelynn peeked out the doorway, and their eyes met, and Evelynn knew.

"Isn't it cute?" Ahri whispered, as if the deer might bolt. In that moment, Evelynn realized Ahri didn't see what she saw.

"No," Evelynn said, opening the door wider.

Getting up on wobbly legs, the sign of her second soul mate scampered through the threshold.

Evelynn paced in front of their couch. At her heels, Ahri's fennec fox followed close as a shadow. They'd named him Kuho, because he always trotted with the confidence and air of a little runway model. Today was no different, though his fur was fluffed up at the tense atmosphere in the room.

"What does this mean?" Evelynn said, pacing, pacing, pacing. Kuho struggled to follow, and even stumbled once or twice until she bent down and scooped him into her arms. "What does this mean? What the fuck does this mean?"

Distressed, she held him on his back like a baby, played with his long ears, squishing them the way she knew he liked. Kuho closed his eyes, little toes flexing in delight at the attention. He was as real as ever, and she felt Ahri's energy pulsing inside of him as sure as a heart beat. Unquestionably, this fox was the mark of her soul mate.

So what was that deer doing on Ahri's lap?

When she dared to glance at the fawn, she saw the animal was tracking her every move, tilting her head to make sure she kept Evelynn in her sight at all times.

Ahri noticed, too. "She really seems to like you."

"She's a deer," Evelynn snapped.

"Aw, babe. Don't be like that." Ahri held the deer to her face, snuggling against the coarse fur. "How can you be mad at a face like this?"

"Very easily!"

Evelynn set Kuho down and plucked the fawn from Ahri's arms. The thing was only the size of a small cat, and a quick internet search confirmed that she was a Chinese water deer. And she was adorable.

Infuriating.

"I do have one theory," Ahri finally said, pulling on her hair and twisting it into nervous braids. "But you're not going to like it."

"I already don't like any of this," Evelynn said, trying to ignore how the deer insisted on resting her chin on Evelynn's shoulder.

Ahri bit her lower lip. "It is a baby deer. So maybe in means...we're about to have a baby?"

Oh.

Evelynn wasn't sure what she should say, if she should say anything. Ahri was resolutely not making any eye contact, twisting her hair tighter and tighter. They talked about this of course, they took precautions, but it had been years since either of them needed to worry about an accident happening. "That's my responsibility, not yours. I didn't get my tubes tied for shits and giggles, you know." Still, she mentally added buy a pregnancy test to her to-do list, just to reassure Ahri.

"I know, but I'd be remiss if I didn't at least mention it. Those surgeries don't always take, HRT doesn't count as birth control, and even forgetting all that, there's other ways a child might land in our life." Getting up, Ahri moved closer so that she could stroke the deer's head again. "...She fell asleep."

Evelynn glanced down, hating how her heart twisted at the sight of it— the deer with her neck stretched out, chin on Evelynn's shoulder, breathing slowly. "Kuho was a baby when he came to me, too."

Ahri's mouth opened in surprise, eyes flooded with relief. "Oh? Eopsin was all grown up when I found her, so I assumed it was the same for you."

"Eopsin—" A sudden bolt of anxiety stabbed right through her. "Where is she right now?"

"Probably in her..." Evelynn didn't wait for Ahri to finish, sweeping further into the apartment. She found Eopsin in a fat pile on the windowsill, soaking up the morning sunlight. Her pink tongue flickered out, beady eyes as pretty as peppermint candy.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"...favorite spot," Ahri finished, a few paces behind Evelynn. "See? She's still there."

Two warm hands encircled her waist. Ahri held Evelynn tight, her forehead pressed between Evelynn's shoulders.

"I am too. I'm not going anywhere, not if I can help it." Ahri promised, her palms resting flat on Evelynn's stomach. "And if it's something out of my control— well, I'll be at ease knowing you won't be lonely."

Without any warning, tears shot to her eyes. She wanted to wipe them away but she couldn't, not without jostling the baby deer and waking her. Don't say that, she wanted to beg Ahri, but she couldn't, not without betraying the fact that she was crying. Please don't ever say that again.

In the days that followed, she didn't want anything to do with the deer. Not even with how she followed Evelynn from room to room, clinging to her the way Kuho still did. It made her sick to see them cuddled up together at night, asleep at the foot of their bed.

She didn't know who she could talk to about this. Not only because of the unprecedented occurrence of having two soul marks, but because pure shame pinned her tongue down. Evelynn saw the mere presence of the soul mark as a sign of infidelity. She felt like she'd ruined their marriage without even meaning to, and she didn't know how she could fix it.

Shame was an alien emotion for her; she didn't wear it well. And worse than shame— fear. Terror at the unknown.

Once again, Evelynn was forced to confront the unknowable nature of their souls, of the forces that pulled and pushed them together regardless of how they felt.

"Fucker," she said to the fawn, who of course could not talk. Despite the soul mark in her eyes, she was still just a deer. "Homewrecker."

Ahri frowned. "Honey, I'm gonna to need you to get a grip. Okay? It's a deer."

"It's taunting me."

So Ahri just threw her hands up in defeat, letting the subject matter drop for now.

But eventually the days turned into weeks, and months into years. The deer stuck around, growing into an adult. Ahri thankfully took it all in stride. She only lamented that the fawn's spotted 'powdered sugar frosting' faded away, and her fangs grew in. Evelynn suggested that maybe the sugar had just caramelized, so they named her Ppopgi.

As time went on it grew harder and harder to stay angry. Especially as it became clear that Ppopgi adored them both. They couldn't reject her any more than they could reject the blood pounding through their veins. Not when Ppopgi only ever wanted to be loved, only ever wanted to be near them. She was sprightly and mischievous and so unerringly sweet that there was no way Evelynn couldn't love her back in turn.

"Don't you look cozy." Ahri hung from their bedroom door, peeking in at the two of them.

Over the cover of her book, Evelynn glanced down at the deer on her lap. Fully grown now, there was no mistaking her for a normal animal. Though Ahri didn't feel the pull of fate's strings, didn't see her soul mark in Ppopgi's eyes, anyone could tell at a glance that she was tied somehow to Evelynn's fate.

"She hogs up half the bed," Evelynn complained, even as she scratched behind her flickering ears, swapping to baby talk. "Don't you? You needy little dumbass? Huh? You little shit?"

"I'm just glad she isn't like a big deer." Ahri retreated around the corner, shaking her head and chuckling. "It's going to get cramped as hell in here when we find our soul mate."

Our soul mate.

Perhaps it should have been more obvious from the start. Both of them were so much readier to accept the idea that they would lose something, rather than the idea that something would be gained.

Ahri displayed absolutely no jealousy. She stayed true to her word: nothing would take her away. So the evenings often found all five of them sprawled out on the couch, one big weird family.

And one night she heard Ahri shout in surprise. A clatter in the kitchen roused her from her desk and Evelynn went to check on her. "Babe?"

Ahri sat on the kitchen floor, both hands covering her mouth.

"What's wrong?" She tried to see what was amiss, noticing nothing different except Ahri seemed to have dropped the rice cooker. Draped over Ahri's shoulders, Eopsin stuck her head up and turned to Evelynn when she entered the room. Her pink tongue flickered, tasting the air. Ppopgi was licking the flat top of the snake's head.

"I saw her," Ahri said, eyes wide, voice still muffled by her own hands as Ppopgi started to groom her, too. "Evelynn, I saw my mark in her eyes. Whoever her owner is, they're my soul mate, too."

Ppopgi gave them both a little nuzzle, and after that there was no doubt. What took Evelynn years to come to terms with, Ahri accepted right away.

Maybe that's why both of her soul marks had come to her so underdeveloped.

From the deer, Evelynn learned she had plenty of room to change and grow.

Meeting Kai'sa was a complete accident. But given their track record with 'accidents', Evelynn wondered if it hadn't occurred precisely when it needed to.

She should have known something was up when Eopsin insisted on coming along for their jog. Evelynn was positive she'd left the snake inside when she locked their front door. However, when they reached the park, her bag suddenly felt much heavier.

Sure enough, the snake was inside. Eopsin wasn't a natural animal, and no amount of distance could keep her away from Evelynn or Ahri if she really wanted to be with them. Likewise with Kuho and Ppopgi, but it wasn't so unusual to see them trotting at Evelynn's heels. They enjoyed their daily runs.

Ahri, however, did not.

"I hate thiiiiis," she moaned, lagging behind. The animals crowded around her when she stopped, Ppopgi nosing her in concern.

Evelynn took the opportunity to catch her breath as well, though she hated having her momentum paused. "Don't be a baby. This is good for you, you sit too much at your job."

"I have a standing desk!" Ahri protested, gasping in offense. "And I have to be on my feet chasing models all day!"

"It's still good for you!" Evelynn crossed her arms. "If I could trust you to keep up any kind of workout routine I wouldn't insist on this. And didn't you make me promise not to let you slack off?"

"Noo," Ahri moaned again, squatting down with her hands over her head.

"And didn't you tell me that I couldn't let you squirm out of your New Year's Resolutions no matter how much you whined?"

"Noooooo!" Ahri shouted louder.

Evelynn caved. Or she was about to cave, until a black fox the size of a doberman launched out of nowhere and snatched Kuho right by the scruff. He bounded off, stopping a short distance away with his tail swishing in excitement.

"Skaduwee! Geen!"

A tall woman jogged down the path, hot on the fox's tail. She reached for him, shouting in a language none of them understood.

Kuho let out a yelp before the two foxes vanished into thin air. Evelynn and Ahri could only stand there, stunned, as the stranger kept searching frantically for their animals. She swapped to English in frustration, swearing up and down. "When I find you I'm going to turn you into a fur coat, you...!"

Eopsin slithered out of Evelynn's bag. A pink streak of lightning, he wound up the stranger's leg, up around her chest, and under her shirt. Then he squeezed out of the collar to wind around her neck, accompanied by a piebald, black-and-white snake.

The two of them encircled her head like a crown, and in that instant it almost felt like they worked as a set of hands, turning her head towards Ahri and Eve.

"...Oh," the stranger said, standing a little off balance. The snakes dropped from her, but never landed onto the earth. Instead they vanished, too.

So only Ppopgi was left. Her hooves clopped lightly on the pavement, nose outstretched and ears pricked forward.

"Oh," the stranger said again, her knees giving way. She plopped down onto the ground while Ppopgi squirmed onto her lap, snuggling her furiously. The stranger pretty much had no choice but to hold her, arms loosely entwined around the wiggling, soul marked deer. "Oh. Oh my god."

None of them could say anything for a solid minute. Evelynn was the first to recover, cautiously speaking in English, since that was a language they seemed to have in common.

"Hi. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," the stranger said, sounding dazed.

She met Evelynn's eyes.

And she turned bright red, burying her face into Ppopgi's shoulder.

"No, I'm not fine!" she shouted. "This isn't how this is supposed to happen! You caught me on a really bad day, I'm so sorry. I'm all sweaty from running, and, and I just started my new job and it's stressing me out, my soul marks have been acting crazy, and it's laundry day so I'm wearing something really dorky, and—!"

Tilting her head to the side, Evelynn could barely make out the design on the stranger's shirt. "It's not dorky. I like Pentakill, too."

Not able to follow along, Ahri made a noise when she heard one familiar word out of all the English.

"Why are you talking about Pentakill?" she said in Korean, pulling Evelynn down to whisper into her ear. "Get it together and ask her for her name!"

"She's freaking out right now, I'm trying to be gentle," Evelynn explained. "Shit. I never thought I'd have to play translator for my own soul mate."

"Um, I can understand you," the stranger said, also in Korean. Finally, she got up to her feet and started dusting herself off. Ppopgi forced her head under the stranger's hand, demanding to be pet even now.

She took a deep breath.

"My name is Kai'sa. And I guess...I'm..." her eyes flickered from one woman to the other, cheeks still pink with embarrassment. "Your soul mate?"

"Just be cool, Ahri, be cool."

Ahri kept repeating it to herself. She repeated it all morning as they got ready for work. She muttered it on the train, low enough that only Evelynn could hear. She sang it as she got dressed in the evening, a growing pile of discarded dresses on the bed as she tried to decide on one.

"Just be cool, Ahri," she said to her reflection, holding up a pair of earrings to see if it matched her outfit. "Be cool."

"Be cool Ahri," she muttered until Evelynn told her to stop, because she was applying Ahri's lipstick and didn't want to mess it up.

"Be cool!" she squeaked as they got off the train that evening and walked to Kai'sa's apartment. "Be cool!"

"Ahri," Evelynn finally said, her patience shredded paper-thin.

Ahri whirled on her. "What?!"

"...I need to double check the directions," Evelynn answered. "Are we headed the right way?"

Ahri took a moment, letting the words register. "Oh. U-uh, I think so." With shaking hands, she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and checked. "Yes, we'll be there in five minutes."

All the blood drained from her face, once the words sunk in.

"Ahri," Evelynn said warningly, but it was too late.

"I can't do this." Ahri turned around and tried to run back to the train station, but Evelynn grabbed her by the elbow and started dragging her along. "Agh! Evelynn, no! I can't do this!"

"You made me promise to not let you wriggle out of this," Evelynn reminded her. "Relax. We're just meeting our soul mate for dinner, not marrying her. It'll be totally painless."

Ahri's hands flailed. "But what if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm boring? What if she, what if she's decided that my animal is a predator so that means I'm a serial killer?"

"Mine is a predator, too?" Evelynn's forehead wrinkled.

"Okay, but— "

Evelynn dragged her the rest of the way, no matter how hard she dug her heels in. Once they stood in front of Kai'sa's apartment, Ahri stared at the door and vibrated in place. But eventually, she was the one who reached out and knocked first.

"Coming!" Kai'sa called from inside. "Just a second!"

"Do I look okay?" Ahri whispered as they waited.

Evelynn took her hand, squeezing it. "You look beautiful."

"You always say that. You're my wife, you're biased."

She couldn't fight down the flicker of irritation that bloomed in her. "Then why bother asking me?"

"Because— oh!"

The door opened, and Kai'sa welcomed them inside.

"Hello! It's so nice to see you again." Kai'sa beamed.

"And with all of us wearing real clothes," Evelynn agreed, intending to tease, but not expecting Kai'sa to turn bright red. Interesting. Taking off her shoes, Evelynn peeked further inside to see a minimalist apartment, the walls covered with black and white photography.

Stiff and robotic, Ahri held up a bouquet of lilies. "These... these.... theseareforyou."

Those were the first and last words Ahri said for a solid hour. After finding a vase for the flowers, they got to know each other better. Kai'sa and Evelynn slowly felt each other out, sharing the stories of how they found their soul marks. Dinner was a blend of South African and Korean cuisine, and Kai'sa cracked open a few bottles of local beer to go along with it. She served them both, and Ahri finally managed to squeak out thank you.

Evelynn didn't know what had gotten into her wife. Shy was the last word she'd ever use to describe Ahri, and it wasn't as though she dreaded meeting their soul mate. She'd been so excited she couldn't sleep. Now however, faced with the reality of it, Ahri looked like she was going through years of panic in the space of a single evening.

Evelynn was suddenly glad she's taken her time coming to terms with the idea, because Ahri clearly still had some hangups.

"Let me take that," Ahri offered, gathering up the dishes and taking them to the sink before Kai'sa could even say anything.

Their soul mate— that was still a fun phrase to think about— looked after her with concern. With a polite smile to Evelynn, she got up as well and went to help her. Rubbing her forehead with the back of one hand, Evelynn just finished her drink in peace, listening to the two of them awkwardly try to talk.

"You really don't need to," Kai'sa said from the kitchen, faint over the sound of running water.

"Well, you cooked." She hated hearing Ahri sound so small. "Usually when Eve cooks, I'll clean. And vice versa."

"But I wanted to take care of you."

The water hissed, small clinking sounds of bowls and spoons and chopsticks drowning out anything else. If they said anything else at all, that is. Evelynn had a feeling they didn't until her wife curiously ventured out, "Where did you get that photo?"

Evelynn paused in the middle of pouring herself another drink, listening closer now.

"This one?" She head a faint thump, a tap of something hitting the wall. "My dad took it. He was into cinema, too."

"It's really good. Do you know what kind of camera he used?" The sink turned off, and their voices rang out much clearer. Something shredded between them, finally something in common that they were comfortable talking about, something not too personal but still opened the door.

"I don't, unfortunately." Kai'sa sounded genuinely disappointed. "Do you like photography?"

"I love it!" Even if she couldn't see her, Evelynn could hear the smile in Ahri's voice. "It's kind of how I got my job, though I don't actually take as many photos as I used to. Right now it's a lot of managing other people's photos for the magazine."

Kai'sa hummed with interest. "Which magazine? Maybe I read it!"

She finally laughed, her relief tangible. "Maybe!"

Ahri started talking about her job as a photo editor and art director, how her job pulled her twelve different ways at once. Fashion and beauty were her life, ephemeral and constantly changing, always challenging her, but also bringing a lot of joy.

"I'm a gremlin," Kai'sa was lamenting. "I work freelance from home. So I lock myself up in a dark cave twelve hours a day and don't have any time to make friends."

Gathering up the beer cans, Evelynn finally dared go in there to interrupt them. She needed to know where the recycling bin was, and now that the ice had melted a bit, maybe all three of them could enjoy a normal conversation. It figured Ahri just needed some time alone to be comfortable with Kai'sa. Ahri worked best when talking one-on-one with a new client. Getting to know her soul mate must have operated on basically the same level.

So Evelynn walked into the kitchen, catching another snippet of conversation—

"That doesn't have to be true anymore," Ahri said. Evelynn's eyes dropped down to see her wife taking Kai'sa's hand in both of hers. "I know this is all happening really fast, but I'm so excited to finally meet you. I can't wait to spend more time with you."

She squeezed Kai'sa's hand, her expression earnest and open.

And Kai'sa looked like the words broke her, leaving her in absolute agony.

"I can't wait anymore, either."

So Kai'sa leaned down, and kissed her so hard she nearly bent Ahri over the kitchen counter.

A shocked moan left Ahri's lips. The sound sent a frisson of electricity down the back of Evelynn's neck, and again when she saw Kai'sa's tongue work into Ahri's open mouth, flashing red and wet. They clung to each other, airtight. Ahri responded eagerly; her hands vanished underneath Kai'sa's dress to pull her onto her thigh.

Their chemistry was red-hot, undeniable even just as an observer. Evelynn could feel it like a bonfire, blazing wide enough to make her squint, the flames licking her face. They were already moving together, Kai'sa's hips rolling as she rocked onto Ahri's thigh, gasping into her mouth.

Evelynn's grip tightened, aluminium crumpling in her hands. Loud as a gunshot compared to the sounds of the two women quietly, frantically trying to fuck each other.

They both froze, heads twitching towards the intrusion. Ahri was glassy-eyed, lips wet and face flushed. But Kai'sa just studied Evelynn, unreadable and waiting.

"Don't mind me," Evelynn said. Or she tried to say it, it felt more like a hum, a purr. Right then there was nothing she wanted more than to knead her nails into something like a pleased cat.

Catching her breath, Ahri kept Kai'sa at arm's length. "Wait, wait. Maybe we should stop."

She didn't sound like she wanted to stop, or act like it. Her hands were willfully disobedient, moving up to frame Kai'sa's collarbone, to cup her face in both hands. Kai'sa flinched at the contact before melting into the touch. She squirmed, instinct driving her to arch her hips closer until she was pressed against Ahri right where she needed her.

"I don't want to rush you." Ahri was panting now, eyes blown wide with lust. "I thought— I thought maybe you might want to take it slow."

Kai'sa tangled her hands into Ahri's long hair, holding her by the scalp. Her grip slowly tightened until she had Ahri moaning and twisting for more friction, whimpering her name.

"Ahri." Gentle, but with a longing so deep it cut Evelynn right to the bone. "I've been waiting years for you."

Trembling, Evelynn dropped everything to move closer. She kissed the base of Kai'sa's neck, sliding down the zipper on her dress. Kai'sa stepped out of it, quickly overwhelmed by Evelynn and Ahri working her between them. Any lingering hesitation melted instantly when Ahri demanded to be taken to the bedroom, her nails digging crescent moons into Evelynn's skin.

No words then, at least none that really mattered. Not until Evelynn kissed her once more and tasted tears, hot and wet.

"Don't stop," Kai'sa begged her, breath hitching on another sob. With her head between Kai'sa's thighs, Ahri's hands caged her hips, keeping her pressed flat against the mattress. Evelynn took a softer approach, kissing her gently as Ahri vented out years of longing onto Kai'sa's skin. "Oh g- god, Evelynn, please don't stop, I was so alone— so lonely—"

"Shh." Evelynn kissed her cheek, stretched out next to her. "It's okay."

Kai'sa just nodded, eyes screwed shut. Shuddering until it was all over, and there was nothing left but bliss. Left limp, bent, wrung out, their bodies seemed heavier, still as dense fog. When Kai'sa spoke, the words had to carve their way into the darkness to be heard, stroking fingers over the life lines of their palms, exhaustion bringing its own strange clarity.

"I always knew one day you'd find me."

Evelynn kept her hand on the back of Kai'sa's head, kissed her sweaty brow before tucking it against her chest. Reaching over her, she brushed Ahri's soft shoulder to reassure herself that her wife was still there, coiled around Kai'sa like she never wanted to let go.

The next morning, Evelynn woke up with the dawn. Sensing they weren't alone, she rubbed her eyes and sat up a little, not wanting to wake her soul mates. But of course the movement stirred them. Ahri always woke up early, and it seemed Kai'sa was a light sleeper.

"We have an audience," Evelynn said quietly, huffing with amusement.

Peeking over the edge of the mattress were two foxes, two snakes, and a Chinese water deer.

"Out," Kai'sa groaned, head muffled under the pillow. "Shoo!"

They all vanished, scooting off or slipping back into wherever souls went when they were at rest.

Just as Evelynn was beginning to think she needed to invest in a barn house, the soul marks stopped coming back. One by one, they sunk into the energy of the world around them. One would walk through an open doorway and not emerge on the other side. The other would sink into the shadows, yellow eyes gleaming until she blinked, and there was nothing but a vague comforting presence. She felt scales slink around her wrist, but when she looked down, nothing was there.

There were days when she missed them, when she needed the reassurance of their physical presence. The proof of her soul marks in their eyes. On those days she'd awaken covered in a pile of fur and scales and Ppopgi licking her chin. She'd stare at the ceiling and try to be annoyed, even if she was inwardly delighted.

They weren't really animals, she kept reminding herself. They weren't pets. They were a part of her, so they were never really gone. Now that Kai'sa, Evelynn, and Ahri were finally together, their souls were whole.

Their job was done. If they were needed, they'd come back.

And that should have been the end of it.

Until one morning she walked into the kitchen and there was an African bullfrog on the kitchen table.

"What," Evelynn said, stopping dead in her tracks. "Is that?!"

Kai'sa blinked, pulling her breakfast away and swallowing. "An avocado smoothie?"

"Not that." She pointed at the creature lounging on top of their table. It was a frog— but maybe that word was too generous. It was a monster. It was loathsome. It was the fattest, soggiest, roundest, ugliest little gremlin she'd ever laid her eyes on. Her temperature spiked, head pounding like it might shatter like untempered glass. "That! That thing on the table where we eat!"

"Oh, that," Kai'sa said, shrugging. "Another soul marked animal. I was waiting for you two to wake up before we talked about it."

Kai'sa reached out, grinning as she poked the frog on top of his head.

In response, the frog opened his mouth, and squealed .

In that instant, Evelynn was pretty sure her sanity cracked right in half.

"Nope," she said, snatching him up.

"Eve—" Kai'sa started, but she had already left the kitchen.

"Nope," Evelynn said, opening the front door.

She heard Ahri's voice behind her. "Ew! What is that?!"

"He's a bullfrog," Kai'sa supplied, unhelpfully.

"Nope," Evelynn said, and she deposited the animal on the ground outside her apartment, and she began to scold it. "Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Not happening. You turn your ass around right the fuck now and you hop away. I'm all full up on girlfriends, I don't need any more! Go back to the celestial bureaucracy or whoever it is that makes these decisions and you tell them to shove it—"

"Eve!" Ahri gasped behind her, absolutely scandalized once she put two and two together. "You can't talk to it that way!"

"It's my soul mark," Evelynn snapped. "I can talk to it however I like."

"Actually," Kai'sa said, poking her head out the doorway. "I think it's mine."

Moving around her wife, Ahri crouched down in front of the frog. "Hey buddy," she said, carefully picking him up. He allowed it, throat bobbing rapidly. "Aw, hey, you really are my buddy. He's definitely got my soul mark on him, Kai'sa."

"That can't be true. I saw my— " Evelynn started, then stopped. She covered her mouth with one hand, like she could prevent the truth from slipping out.

There was a fourth soul mate.

Holding the frog aloft, Evelynn tried to reason with her partners. "Look at this thing. It's repulsive. Do we even want whoever this soul belongs to?!"

"What's wrong with him?" Ahri asked. "At first glance he's a little weird, but..."

Rattling off her points, Evelynn dropped the frog onto the table and counted them off on her fingers. "He's slimy. He's ugly. He's got a smug little grin on his face. He's a frog!"

Primly, Ahri crossed her arms. "And yours was a snake, Evelynn. Don't be so quick to judge."

"Snakes are cute! And they're good luck!"

"I think frogs are cute." Kai'sa sounded defensive.

Ahri carefully bent down so that she could be on eye level with him. He squatted on the kitchen table, that big shit eating grin on his face, and Evelynn thought she might blow a gasket. When Ahri carefully picked him up, he looked even fatter and more bulbous, a big wet blister sack in her hands.

Evelynn shuddered. "We're not doing this. I don't need another soul mate!"

Concerned, Ahri and Kai'sa shared a glance. A flicker of communication shot across that short distance, both of them weighing what they wanted to say. A slight tilt of her head; Ahri bowed out to let Kai'sa take the lead.

"I know," Kai'sa said. "You're strong. Out of all of us, you've always been the one who had her head screwed on the tightest."

Suspicious of the praise, Evelynn eyed her warily. "I don't need another soul mate," she said again, firmer now, thinking she couldn't make this more clear.

"I know," she repeated her answer, softer. But then Kai'sa rested her fingertips on Evelynn's forearm, following it up with the clincher. "But Eve...what if she needs you?"

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Everything short-circuited in her brain, no doubt helped by the fact that Kai'sa was the one telling her this. Kai'sa, who had been so lonely and sad by herself while Ahri and Evelynn at least had each other. Now she was reminded that somewhere out there, a person was waiting for them.

"Fuck," Evelynn said, and she hated the blaze of triumph and delight in Kai'sa's eyes. "Okay. Fine. You win."

They set aside a portion of their savings to pay for a private investigator. After explaining the situation, they sat back and waited, getting to know their new partner by the animal fate had sent.

He was a chunky little guy, goofy-looking and strong and foul-tempered and always ready to fight. While he never openly sought affection, he was always patient when they decided to pick him up or stroke his head. He had an independent streak a mile wide, and when they couldn't find him in the apartment, he could often be spied swimming in the community pool. He was a nuisance, at best. There was no way they could give him a serious name. Not ever.

So they called him Burger.

"You're god's prank on me," Evelynn said, crouched down to be at eye level with him. "Yeah, you're a big sick joke of the universe."

Burger's throat filled up, wet eyes blinking a few times.

She had no idea what a fucking frog was supposed to teach her.

The investigator turned up empty-handed at first. Just when Evelynn resigned herself to the fact that she might have to wait years for this one, too, they got a call.

"Found her," Evelynn said, clenching her fist and shaking it in the air. "The mystery is solved! We're finding this little shit, here and now!"

"You don't know she's a little shit," Ahri protested.

Burger squealed, and Evelynn just gave her a look.

They set up a meeting via an internet chat, on a day when all three of them could be home.

The webcam opened up to a tiny apartment, the walls plastered with posters, pictures, albums, two guitars, and a cheesecake swimsuit calendar. A baseball cap filled most of her range of vision, and for a split second Evelynn wondered in horror if their soul mate was actually a thirteen year old boy.

Then Akali pulled back to frown into the lens of the camera, her chin jutted out like she was ready to start an argument already, and Evelynn knew. She recognized that glower.

"Hey," Akali said, and a bright red vixen hopped onto her lap. She was almost as beautiful as Ahri, a classic red fox with an ink-dipped, fluffy tail. She snuffled the camera curiously until Akali held her back, cuddled in her arms. As soon as she did that, though, a spiky, sinister-looking snake popped out of the hood on her jacket. He was striking in his own way, dangerous and sharp, then silly as he also tried to bump his nose against the camera. "Um, it's nice to meet you. Pickle, please get down, I only have so many hands."

The snake coiled up Akali's neck, his tongue flickering in her ear instead. She twitched, biting her lip. Almost a smile. She seemed to be fighting it.

"Oh no," Ahri murmured beside her. "She's cute."

It was awkward, in no small part due to how reluctant Akali was to speak. She didn't seem pleased by any of this, guarded and withdrawn in the face of her soul mates.

So much for needing me, Evelynn thought, a little bitterly.

"Do you, um, do you have a deer as well?" Kai'sa asked at one point, sounding shy.

That was the first time they saw Akali smile. "Yeah. One second, you'll love him."

Bending down, Akali emerged from under her desk with the smallest deer Evelynn had ever seen. She removed her keyboard to let him stand on the desk, tail fluttering as he curiously started licking the camera. He had a wriggly nose, twitching at every scent, two tiny horns, big eyes, and a little mouth that always looked like he was smiling.

"A fawn?" Evelynn asked, suddenly wondering if they had done this too fast after all. If maybe Akali needed more time to grow into this, just like she had.

But Akali shook her head. "Fully grown. He's a dik-dik antelope, this is as big as they ever get."

"That's so cute I might literally cry," Ahri said, looking ready to bite down on her own fist to keep from doing just that. "I really dig his eyeliner."

"Huh?" Akali turned the animal around to get a better look at him. "Oh! Heh, yeah, I guess he does look like he's wearing eyeliner." She stroked a finger over his face, tracing the dark marking around his eyes. "Weird question, Kai'sa, but do you like strawberries?"

Kai'sa nodded, so Akali told them to wait again and returned with a strawberry sliced up on a napkin. "He goes nuts over them," she explained, letting the dik-dik nibble on the treat. "The other two get frozen rats every now and then, when I have extra cash."

"Hold on." Evelynn leaned closer, frowning. "You feed them? You know they don't need food, right?"

That guarded expression returned, Akali's good mood hunkering down like a crouching animal. "And?"

Evelynn realized she didn't really have a point. "Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you weren't wasting any money on me."

A familiar stubborn set entered Akali's jaw. "Who gives a shit if they need it? It makes them happy, and it makes me happy to spoil them. They belong to my soul mates, and whether or not I asked for them, they came to me, so they're my responsibility. If I don't treat them right as often as I can, what does that say about me?"

Muscling past her knee-jerk assumptions, Evelynn studied Akali carefully. Slowly, it all unwound in her mind. "...It says a lot."

Piece by piece, she started to understand.

Like a flower unfurling in her, like a lock dropping to the floor, she felt the last guarded segment of her heart open up.

"Say, Akali."

Evelynn relaxed, her gentle tone making Akali lean forward to listen carefully, some of her guard dropping as well.

"...Would you like to come over for dinner next weekend?"

Look not in my eyes, for fear Thy mirror true the sight I see, And there you find your face too clear And love it and be lost like me.

—Alfred Edward Housman

#fanfiction #league of legends #KDA

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manawhaat · 6 years ago

Note

I'm gonna ask you cause I feel like you know what you're talking about. I've always wanted to try to over stimulate myself cause I feel like it would be great, how easy or hard do you think it would be?? And what do I have to look out for? Thanks!

Ok, I wanna preface this with the fact that I am not any kind of professional. I’m not a medical, health, love, sex, or psychology professional in any way, shape, or form. My answer to this ask is all based on my own personal thoughts and experiences.

That being said, thank you for feeling comfortable asking me this question. I try to be as open about sex as possible so that even if I’m just some random stranger on the internet, anyone can still have someone they can ask any question to without judgement. So...

Over Stimulation based on my solo experience as a cis female:

“I feel like it would be great.”

“Great” depends on your definition of great, the level of your own sexual satisfaction via solo masturbation, and the outcome of the experience. If you get to the point of over stimulation and find that you squirt, but don’t like it/are freaked out by it/etc, then over stimulation might not be great for you. If you get to the point of over stimulation and then experience soreness or pain afterward or the next day, then over stimulation might not be great for you.

The first thing I’d suggest is more of a mental preparation. Don’t get your hopes up. People have a tendency to build things up in their head and then when they experience it, it’s underwhelming. That process discourages them from seeing the good in what they experienced because they just can’t get past the mental image they had in their head.

Don’t force an expectation on the experience. I think that’s just pretty good life advice.

How easy or hard would it be?

Ease/difficulty depends entirely on your body and the way you view, approach, and respond physically to masturbation, in this session(s) in particular. I can’t say how hard or easy it is for you. I can say that, like any kind of sexy stuff, you should approach it with positive intentions, patience, love, an understanding of your body’s limits, and time to explore and attempt to reach whatever goal you have in mind.

Make a mental list of all the things that really get you there and then make a game plan to make your experience flow smoothly. Even just having the idea of using certain toys and having them out will help keep you in the game instead of having to stop and figure out what you’re doing next. If there are any things you can do to make it easier on yourself, do them. Prepare your space, tools, and body (mentally and physically) before you start to make things go smoother.

What do you have to look out for?

Physical fatigue that is past the boundaries of any regular session. An awkward position for too long or the wrong angle of something can fuck you up, so just be aware of your comfort and don’t push your body too far. If you are getting to the point where you’re experiencing pain/discomfort/fatigue that is outweighing the pleasure, take a break or stop for the day. You can always try again later. There ain’t no shame in having to do multiple sessions before you get there. Hell, if anything, that’s a plus ;)

Dryness! Use lube. Even if you think you don’t need it. Just use it. Make sure it is safe for your toys and you’re not allergic to the kind you’ve got on hand. Just use it.

Time. Make sure to give yourself plenty of time. You don’t wanna try to be rushing yourself to over stimulation when you’ve only got like 40 minutes until your roommate comes home. Whatever time you usually spend on a session- double it (at the very least. I have allotted myself time slots up to 6 hours in the past, so seriously, take you time). Over stimulation is a marathon, not a sprint. You want to make sure you’re properly warmed up before you even start touching your bits. Foreplay/anticipation will help you be more ready, and focus is key to this game. Stay in a good head space, be patient with yourself, and don’t rush yourself.

Staying aware of/combating any negative feelings about not getting to the goal in mind. The journey should be your focus and the ‘goal’ should be the cherry on top. Putting too much pressure on yourself to orgasm, let alone orgasm enough to get to a point where you are overstimulated, can be frustrating and bring up a lot of bad shit in you if you don’t get there. So relax and don’t make that your primary focus- make that the bonus.

That was longer than I thought it would be lol. Um, I hope that helps you and good luck in your endeavors.

#idk how to tag this #sex ed with mana #sex ed #over stimulation #mana answers

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kenbunshokus · 6 years ago

Text

#ZOSAN

zoro/sanji, nami/vivi | 3.5k words | 1 of 7 chapters

“Who are they even… 'shipping' me with? They know Usopp is with Kaya, and didn’t you just make your whole thing with Vivi public a few weeks ago—“ Zoro trails off as realization hits him, all at once, and he feels his stomach drop in the same way it would whenever he faces a particularly strong opponent in a kendo match.

“No,” he breathes.

“Obviously,” Nami says, shoves her phone into his face and points at a comment that says, OMG PLZ blonde and green are sitting side by side again. OTP! as Zoro sees his life flash before his eyes. “They’re shipping you with Sanji.”

(Or, the one where the Strawhats are Youtube personalities and people, naturally, start shipping Zoro and Sanji.)

(ao3)

catburglar 572 posts | 2.1M followers | 47 following Nami Bellemere stealing your hearts, one picture at a time http://youtube.com/user/thestrawhatshub

❤ 8,277 Likes catburglar lunch with the fam @sogeking @pirateking @strawhats #food #nofilter #cafe

View all 5,405 comments

ivolatan OMG THOSE TWO GUYS ARE IN THE PICTURE AGAIN

bananapigeon ok seriously, who are those two untagged guys in these pics. esp the blond one with the eyebrow. i keep seeing them in the vlogs too.

mikphail @catburglar Can you tell us the name of the green-haired guy sitting on the right? Beside the blonde? Asking for a friend.

“People are asking for you,” is the first thing Nami says as Zoro walks into the apartment she shares with Usopp and heads straight towards the fridge.

“Which people?” Zoro asks, suspicious. The comment seems innocent out of context, but Zoro narrows his eyes at her anyways because it’s Nami. “Actual people? Or,” he pauses, sifting through his mental vocabulary before giving up and settling with, “your people.”

He can hear her laugh from the living room. “Zoro, people from the internet are still real people.”

“They aren’t just people,” Usopp pokes his head out of his room to join in the conversation, “they are the subscribers, nay, followers— nay — fans of the Great Usopp—“

“They’re strangers,” Zoro points out, matter-of-factly. He doesn’t really get this whole…internet thing Usopp and Nami seem to have made a decent amount of money from no matter how many Technology 101 Lectures from Franky he’s sat through. They work for Luffy’s YouTube Channel—the Strawhats Hub—and post a bunch of videos online about how they have burger for lunch or some other mundane shit, and somehow people pay for that. Well, the sponsors pay for that, technically, but they get money all the same. Zoro doesn’t really get it.

He does understand one thing for sure, though. “I don’t give out my details to strangers.”

“Zoro, you’re like, a decade too old for Stranger Danger,” Nami says, disapproving, “and you know you can’t avoid being famous if you want to be the strongest swordsman in the world.”

Zoro sighs at the familiar argument between them, and makes sure he groans loud enough for her to hear. He’s usually up for any kind of sparring, verbal or otherwise, but not today—not after four back-to-back, two-hour lectures at the university and kendo club training afterwards with no breaks in between. He snatches the nearest canned beer with a little too much force, and it hits the fridge door with a loud bang.

Nami seems to catch on the sour mood and switches the subject. “You know, I think they’re shipping you.”

Zoro blinks. He waits for a second, two, three...yeah, the words still don't make sense. He gives her a confused stare. “What does that even mean?”

“it means they want you to be together with someone,” Usopp, their designated Technology-to-Zoro translator, explains. “Like, together together.”

Zoro scoffs. “What is this, high school?” He waves a dismissive hand at Nami, deciding to focus more on the free beer in his hand instead, eyeing it appreciatively. Nami’s an unpredictable storm with a flexible moral compass reminiscent of a witch, but she provides an endless supply of booze and is the only person who can hold her own against him, so Zoro figures it all balances out in the end.

The cold liquid hits the back of his throat with a familiar biting sensation, and it calms him down enough to finally process Usopp’s words. “Who are they even… shipping me with?” The foreign word stumbles clumsily out of his mouth, and he pauses, trying to wrap his mind around the concept. “They know Usopp is with Kaya, and didn’t you just make your whole thing with Vivi public a few weeks ago—“

Zoro trails off as realization hits him, all at once, and he feels his stomach drop in the same way it would whenever he faces a particularly strong opponent in a kendo match.

“No,” he breathes.

“Obviously,” Nami says, shoves her phone into his face and points at a YouTube comment that says, OMG PLZ blonde and green are sitting side by side again. OTP! as Zoro sees his life flash before his eyes. “They’re shipping you with Sanji.”

nami @catburglar

We’re kind of bored, so @sogeking and I are answering everyone’s questions in the next hour! Don’t forget to use the hashtag #AskUsoNa <3

nami @catburglar

so a million dollar AND a free trip around the world? I’d take it!

\m/ @queenmelissa

Would you get a million dollar but every time you sneeze you’re being teleported to a random place in the world #Askusona

nami @catburglar

I’ve known Usopp since high school. I’ve known Luffy the longest, though. We’ve been friends since we were cute little ten-year-olds.

Jenna Rowen @jrowen

#AskUsoNa How did you get to know each other? Love your vids!

nami @catburglar

Zoro and Sanji are roommates, not dating. Or are they? ;)

bad luck kate @gingerchic

are the two guys in some of your vids dating (U KNOW WHICH TWO) #askusona @sogeking @catburglar

bad luck kate @gingerchic replying to @catburglar

HOLY SHIT DID U JUST

bad luck kate @gingerchic replying to @gingerchic @catburglar

WE JUST GOT A FUCKING NAMES REVEAL. @ STRAWHAT RPF FANDOM THIS IS NOT A DRILL

The smell of well-cooked seafood, mixed with a tinge of booze, touches every nook and cranny of his apartment as people eat, drink, or laugh with each other (or, in Luffy’s case, all three of them at once). Zoro sprawls comfortably across his favorite sofa in the middle of the cacophony, and he closes his eyes, soaking in the familiar atmosphere, a half-empty can of beer dangling by his right hand.

Today isn’t their usual weekly Friday Night Hang Out; today, Ace is on leave from the military for the first time in ages. Luffy promised his big brother a huge, awesome feast, and their ragtag group of broke college students deliver the way they know how—His and Sanji’s apartment, Brook’s music, Sanji’s food.

Zoro doesn’t care much about parties, but he does like Ace and his stories about Whitebeard's platoon. Free booze is also a plus.

“Tired already?” A voice asks over his head, and Zoro has spent enough time with Luffy’s family ever since he was ten to know it’s Ace without having to look up.

“As if,” he says, skipping the greeting. “Just making sure I don’t appear in Usopp’s videos.” He thinks of the photo Nami showed him a few days ago, the one on the… instant… gram… thing… and adds, “or photos.”

“Oh, I’ve heard about that!” Ace plops onto the other sofa across the table, entering Zoro’s field of vision. “I heard somebody’s famous now.”

“Tch,” Zoro grunts, but refuses to elaborate. He doesn’t like where the conversation is going.

“And I heard,” Ace continues anyways, his grin all-too-innocent and therefore completely terrifying, “someone’s famous with someone else.”

Zoro jolts upright from his position, for once ignoring the beer he spilled on the carpet—Sanji will kill him for that later, but whatever—and turns to search for Usopp among the crowd. He glares at Usopp in a way that says, I’m going to deliver you a drawn-out, painful death, and Usopp pointedly looks anywhere but back at him.

Ace chuckles, impervious to Zoro’s death glares. “Actually, Luffy was the one who told me.”

“The shipping thing sounds so cool,” Luffy, that traitor, chimes in around a mouthful of meatballs. “I wonder who they’d ship me with.”

“Meat, probably,” Sanji says before Zoro could, and bodily pushes Luffy aside with his leg to place a plateful of fried prawns on the table. Both brothers’ eyes widen comically at the sight and the two of them dive into the plate as Sanji narrows his eyes at Zoro, “that is, if people can even be trusted these days. I still can’t believe they, what’s the word— ship me with marimo head over here when Nami is also in the picture.”

That—well.

Stings a little.

Zoro mentally maneuvers around the flare of jealousy and opts for anger, because it’s easier. Familiar. “Not like I’m enjoying the idea of being a boyfriend of someone with those eyebrows,” he fires back.

Sanji’s left eye twitches at that. “Didn’t know you have enough intelligence to even form an idea, seaweed brain.”

“Pervert cook.”

“Brainless moss.”

“Please keep the lover’s spat within the privacy of your bedroom,” Nami teases as she somehow manages to gracefully pluck a prawn out of the mess Ace and Luffy are making on the table.

“Right, Mellorine!” Sanji sing-songs in record speed.

Zoro sighs and puts his face in his hand. “Do you even listen to yourself, idiot,” he says, and narrowly dodges a kick to the head.

“Says the person who got lost so often the train station officers from the neighboring city start recognizing him!” Sanji yells back, and avoids the pillow thrown at him with practiced ease clearly born through repeated fights.

“How are you two even friends,” Ace observes in between chews, amused.

Zoro and Sanji instantly whip their heads towards Ace in unison, and say, in eerie synchronicity, “we’re not friends.”

Nami shakes her head, but it’s fond. “That’s how.”

❤ 2,103 Likes catburglar exclusive photo of Zoro enjoying Sanji’s food #nofilter #candid

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martiknee I assume Sanji is a chef, then?

thefantasyren I still can’t believe we’ve been blessed with their names. Strawhat Fandom, rejoice!

ostenmah @martiknee ur an idiot, he could just be someone whos really good at cooking

martiknee Wow, thanks for the unprompted hostility, I was just asking. Either way, do you fucking have eyes, look at those prawns. Look me in the eyes and tell me he cooks THOSE and doesn’t cook for a living. @ostenmah

brie @strawhatnami

so I heard Zoro is in his college’s kendo club

a gay @bisexualusopp replying to @strahwatnami

he’s the CAPTAIN

brie @strawhatnami replying to @bisexualusopp

source pls?

Kal @THEKALZONE replying to @strawhatnami @bisexualusopp

can confirm, my brother goes to the same college as him, wasn’t exactly difficult to find a dude w green hair named zoro

a gay @bisexualusopp replying to @THEKALZONE @strawhatnami

apparently he used to appear on a bunch of tv shows about modern swordsmen or sth with his sister back then?

brie @strawhatnami replying to @bisexualusopp @THEKALZONE

HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER WATCHING IT WHEN I WAS LIKE. FIVE. kuina was my fave. I wonder if she goes to the same college too?

The thing is—the crux of the problem of this whole mess of a situation is that—Zoro has code. Some sort of personal, unsaid rules he has dedicated his life to following. And now this whole fiasco is slowly breaking these codes—two, particularly:

Zoro, as a general rule, dislikes attention. He used to be some sort of a child star way back when, before Usopp and Nami and even Luffy, before—the thing with Kuina. It was hardly bearable when Kuina was with him, holding his hand whenever it started to tremble during tapings, and now with her gone he’s not touching that industry with a ten-feet pole. That means no stupid interviews with awkward pauses and one-word answers, no troublesome photo shoots that leave him with cramps at places he didn’t know could get cramps, and most importantly, no getting recognized on the street by random strangers. He looks like shit on photos. He doesn’t even have an autograph.

Zoro has the largest, most pathetic crush on Sanji, and nobody can find out.

The second rule is more important than the first, of course. So far the breaking of the first code only results in minor inconveniences, but the fact that there’s a whole group of people dedicated to telling the world that Zoro wants to get into Sanji’s pants is not something he can live with. Not something Sanji can live with, that’s for sure. Sanji has been brushing them off as a joke, thankfully, but Zoro figures there’s only so much the Straightest Man on Earth could take before he would start avoiding Zoro in disgust and pretty much stomping on Zoro’s heart in the process.

Which is why, as soon as he spots Usopp coming out of the college’s workshop, Zoro stops him in his track and growls, “this is all your fault.”

Usopp covers his head out of instinct and stammers, “whatever it is, I didn’t do it and I’m sorry.”

Zoro crosses his arms in front of his chest and huffs. “Stop it—I’d never hit you just because I feel like it.”

“This bump on the right side of my head disagrees,” Usopp says as he peeks through his fingers, “I think it’s developing into a tumor .”

“You can’t get a tumor from getting knocked in the head,” Zoro says.

“I don’t think you’re qualified to make that judgment,” Usopp insists, but visibly relaxes anyways when he doesn’t see Zoro’s hands anywhere near his head. “What is it?”

“It’s just,” Zoro says, almost ominously. “People.”

“You’re not a fan of them. Yeah, I got that, like, five years ago when I first met you.”

“Shut up, I’m not done. People, they—“ Zoro drops his voice as low as possible to adequately convey the severity of his predicament, “—they started recognizing me. From your pictures.”

Usopp visibly perks up at that. “I know , right? People say, Usopp, being famous on the internet is nothing, no one’s going to know who you are in real life, but hater’s gonna hate, you know? One time a princess from a European country asked for my autograph—“

“It’s not a good thing,” Zoro cuts in, ignoring Usopp’s make-believe story. “Three different people asked for my photograph on the way here. A girl tried taking a picture while I was eating and I accidentally spat in her face.”

Usopp at least has the audacity to grimace at that. “I guess—I guess I can see where you’re coming from, but come on, Zoro, live a little!” He emphasizes with a friendly pat on Zoro’s shoulder. “There are, literally, thousands of people lining up to be in your shoes.”

Zoro can’t help bristling at the touch. “I didn’t sign up for this. Not like you and Nami did, with Luffy and the whole YouTube thing,” he says and adds, more urgently, “especially not for the whole thing with the Cook.”

Usopp should know. Usopp does know, because Zoro told him once under the influence of one too many drinks. They never really talked about it afterwards because Zoro has the emotional constipation of a sixteen-year-old emo teen who still listens to My Chemical Romance, and Usopp has enough self-preservation instinct not to bring it up, but there’s always this silent agreement that Usopp knows.

Usopp raises his hands in the universal sign of defeat. “Look, I admit things did go out of hands a little bit, but it’s nothing big. It’s the internet. People will ship any two people who so much breathe the same air.”

Zoro narrows his eyes critically at Usopp, and while Usopp gulps under the scrutiny, he also looks—honest. Trustworthy. Damn it, Zoro does have a soft spot for his tattletale of a friend, and one day it’s going to be his downfall.

“All right, fine, I’ll take your word for it,” he says, and Usopp releases a relieved sigh, which immediately gets sucked back in as soon as Zoro growls, “but if Nami even says something remotely different—“

“If I say something what?”

Zoro is a skillful and trained martial art practitioner. Rumor has it that he has no openings; opponents who go into a fight expecting one would get a reality check in the form of a kendo sword to the head. He’s like a wild predator, they all say, and you are his natural prey.

They are all wrong. Sitting comfortably on the apex of the food pyramid is Nami, and she knows all of Zoro’s weaknesses like the back of her hand.

Zoro jumps and thinks his heart stops for a moment as Nami appears out of nowhere and joins in the conversation, and she laughs when she notices his surprise.

“Shut up,” he growls, and she just grins even wider.

“I was just telling him about the shippers,” Usopp fills her in, oblivious to Zoro’s mini-heart attack, “that they’re. You know. Harmless?”

Zoro doesn’t like the unspoken question mark tacked at the end of Usopp’s sentence, and he likes it even less when Nami says, “well, I wouldn’t exactly call them harmless.”

Zoro glowers at that. “Explain.”

“I mean, you’ve been way too closed up about yourself, you’re practically an urban legend,” Nami says, “and people love knowing things, Zoro. It makes them feel like they’re part of something special. When the internet wants something, there’s no stopping the internet.”

“Like legalizing weed,” Usopp adds, “give them information and you can control what’s coming out. Give them nothing and you’re unleashing a hungry beast.”

“I’m not going to start using The Instant Gram for them,” Zoro says, frustrated, and bits his lips in a way that almost resembles a pout. Not that he pouts, of course.

“I told you it’s not called the Instant—you know what, I tried,” Usopp says under his breath, and Zoro ignores him.

“We’ve been at this before, you know,” Nami continues, shaking her head, “they want to know things about you, and they’re going to find out. Age. Height. Blood type. The brand of shampoo you use. Which side of the bed you’re sleeping in. The fact that you have a crush on Sanji—“

Zoro stops in his track. He blinks. “No one—no one knows that,” he says, and curses himself for stuttering. He catches Usopp’s eyes, and reluctantly adds, “unless I told them.”

“You never told me,” Nami points out.

“You don’t count,” Zoro insists, “you can read me like a book.”

“I want to be flattered,” Nami pats him on the head, like humoring a small child, “but it frankly doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment when your book only says I HAVE A CRUSH ON SANJI in eighty point bold font.”

He definitely doesn’t blush at that. Desperate, he turns to Usopp. “This isn’t what you told me.”

Nami looks at him, and is that—damn it. Is that pity in her eyes? “Zoro, I don’t know what lies Usopp has been telling you this time, but everyone knows you have a Big Gay Crush on Sanji.”

“One, it’s not a—a Big Gay Crush,” he sputters, “and two, both of you hardly counts as ‘everyone.’”

“No, really,” Nami says as she pulls up safari on her iPhone to open the fuckyeahzosan tumblr page, “I mean everyone.”

FuckYeahZosan

The very first Zosan Blog. Zoro and Sanji flirt with each other and ignore everyone else in group pictures because they’re assholes in love.

mods: zorosanjis and queerbellemere

our edits

fanart | fanfics | fanmixes

fuckyeahzosan

Nami just posted a new picture and it’s everything we’ve ever hoped for.

#sanji is cooking for zoro #what is air #zosan #official

452 notes

fuckyeahzosan reblogged zoro-sanji-for-the-win

I can’t believe we only got their names a month ago and today we’ve got two dozens new pictures where they surreptitiously look into each other’s eyes, found out they’ve been roommates for years, gone on yearly road trips with just the two of them, and are practically canon.

I feel like this has all been a collective fever dream we just haven’t woken up from.

It’s all real and you better believe it.

#reblogged #text

2,252 notes

anonymous asked

Ugh, people like you are the reason why I hate the Strawhat Fandom so much. Zoro and Sanji aren’t even SIGNED to the Strawhats Agency. They’re just FRIENDS of Nami and Usopp. And now they’re the most popular pairing in this fandom? Bullshit.

Sorry, we can’t hear you over how often Zoro and Sanji appear in the Strawhats' videos they may as well be Strawhats, and how even Shanks treat them like they’re part of the fandom.

#asks and answers #mod a

564 notes

fuckyeahzosan reblogged queennami

zoro + looking at sanji with a love-struck look on his face when he thinks no one’s looking

#THE THING THAT REALLY GOT ME ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP #or friendship or whatever #is that it’s so loud and flashy you can’t help but notice #but with glimpses of quiet moments like this #like you KNOW they have the typical alpha male friendship #roughhousing and name calling; the whole package #from the way nami and usopp talk about them in interviews and stuff #and how they glare at each other in pictures with insults teetering on the tips of their tongues #but sometimes we get glimpses of this when they think no one’s looking #zoro staring at sanji – startsruck – like there are constellations clinging on sanji’s back #and there’s always that small smile zoro probably reserves just for sanji #and I Die #stab me in the chest and it would’ve hurt less #zoro #sanji #zosan #strawhatedit #rpf for ts (via queennami)

#reblogged #photoset #tags #lord have mercy on me

4,425 notes

Usopp is so going home with a new bump on his head.

#zosan #namivivi #roronoa zoro #sanji #one piece #my writing //#zoro #op

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ohhthereuare · 6 years ago

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you have (5) new messages. (branjie)

A/N. I'm a mess. I did not expect to love Vanessa Vanjie Mateo so much and I certainly did not expect to devote my life to yet another ship. And yet here we are. Let's pray for the happiness of these two together and individually, and our own sanity. Using she/her pronouns about both of the queens. Enjoy!

Based on the night Miss Vanjie drunkenly posted some angsty and sad posts to her Instagram Story that she deleted seconds later. She also made some phone calls.

You can read it on AO3

***

She squinted at her phone in the dark, the curtains blocking some of the rising Sun. She was still getting used to the tons of mentions and notifications across all social media that swarmed her every morning but something was off today. There was more than usual. Like, much more. She scrolled down the Instagram and Twitter alerts to the bottom and saw a couple of missed calls from a name that immediately made her heart beat faster and body wake up despite the previous drowsiness.

You have five new messages.

There was some rustling, someone who sounded suspiciously like Silky yelling in the background and the phone call ended abruptly. Brooke sat up in her bed, leaning against the headboard and running her hand through her curly mess of morning hair. It wasn’t uncommon for Vanessa to go out and get hammered after the gigs with her fellow sisters. From the heavy bass playing, but not being able to overpower Vanjie’s loud voice, they must have been at a club and Brooke knew the routine so well she had no trouble picturing it now. Sweaty and tired bodies, feet hurting from wearing hooker heels, slumping over the bar to down shots and get back to the dancefloor. Lights catching the ever-present remaining glitter on her cheekbones, chest, and shoulders. All the eyes are on her but she doesn't notice, doesn't care and keeps dancing with her own eyes closed, yelling the lyrics so loud Brooke never knew how she's never lost her voice so far.

You have four new messages.

You have three new messages.

You have two new messages.

“You gonna be fine?”

“Okay, Imma leave you here, bitch. You sure you gonna be fine?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Ah shit.”

You have one new message.

“Uhm, hi B.”

“It’s hard, y’know? I mean, of course, you know, that's why we agreed on this shit show but… I miss you. And watching all that every week, how we were, I mean fuckwe should’ve never given that up. And this thing between us, I can’t—I just miss you. Yeah. It’s hard. Being together is hard like that but being apart and knowing we’re not—It’s the worst. I wanna be with you, B. I don’t care if I’m stuck here and you’re in fucking Canada and shit. I—”

Her voice gradually started getting quieter and quieter and Brooke thought she had fallen asleep with the phone on.

“Our song. I kept listening to our song. It’s what got me. Damn these fucking love songs. Ne-yo was right, bitch. Am sick of this shit. I just miss you so much, it’s all I can think ‘bout.”

“Love you, B.”

“Hi, Papi.”

#branjie #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #rpdr #rpdr fanfiction #rpdr fic #b & v #v & b

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captainskipjack · 6 years ago

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I’m Going to Miss You

A warning to you all... this post is going to get very long and rambly... but I feel like I need to say it, given what’s going to happen mere hours from now. So for my own emotional health I’m going through with this. Read it if you like, I’d certainly appreciate your company if you do... but I understand anyone who wants to skip over it. It likely won’t make much sense to most people why it’s such a big deal to me. I’m not exactly the most mentally or emotionally stable person in the world after all. These thoughts likely won’t resonate with most. But if you like, feel free to join me on my little ramble as I break down over something that’s truly, utterly trivial. I’ll certainly appreciate your company.

Also, preemptively? To those out there who will scoff at this and jeer at how much of a deal I’m making out of all of this? I’m very much aware of how pathetic and emotionally unhealthy I am. If it were easy as just ‘getting over myself,’ I’d have done it long ago. I’m already seeking therapy, but it’s a long process.

Anyway.

This post probably won’t mean much, and most of the people that it’s directed toward won’t ever see it. Many of the people I’d like to send it to are the creators/mods of long-dead blogs or people I’ve never spoken to before, but whose work I’ve followed. But I feel the need to say it nonetheless.

I joined tumblr sometime in early 2012, I think. I was a part of the then-exploding My Little Pony/Brony scene, joining in the wake of the pony ask-blog craze. At that time, everybody and their dog was making a new My Little Pony ask blog, and as deep into the fandom as I was at the time, I couldn’t help but follow.

For a time, I even tried to run an ask blog myself, alongside a friend of mine, @atomic-chinchilla. We ran the blog “ask female shining armor,” which was all about Shining Armor from MLP getting magically transformed/stuck as a girl. It... didn’t exactly go well. We had a short run of popularity before the original “Twilicorn” controversy rocked the fandom and we found ourselves on the ‘wrong side’ of it. Or, to be more precise, I found myself on the wrong side of it. My friend didn’t care as much, but I was legitimately angry at the turn the show had taken, and I made the mistake of expressing it on the blog, without consulting my friend.

There was backlash. And unfortunately, since my friend was the highly-visible artist and I was only the writer behind the scene, @atomic-chinchilla ended up taking most of the heat. I felt really guilty and tried to mitigate the damage, but it was already done. A lot of other fans had declared the both of us persona non grata. @atomic-chinchilla had already been losing steam on the blog anyway and we quietly decided to just stop.

In retrospect, it was probably a good thing we stopped anyway. This was tumblr, and we were making a silly blog about gender of all things. We just wanted to make a bunch of silly jokes and shenanigans, but on a site like tumblr with its massive transgender/nonbinary/et cetera scene? We were playing with fire, and it could have backfired on us much much worse than it did.

If anybody is morbidly curious, you can still actually see our dumpster fire... at least for the next few hours or so... over here at http://female-shining-armor-blog.tumblr.com/

Or you can see most of the posts at @atomic-chinchilla‘s DeviantArt page or on Derpibooru.

Anyway. Neither of us quite “left the fandom” over this or anything. Indeed, My friend still watches the show, though not as devotedly as he once did, and I’m actually still active (for a given definition of the word) in the fanfiction community over on fimfiction.net

I continued to follow the pony ask blogs for... well... to this day actually. There aren’t nearly as many as there used to be. A couple still update, but it’s few and far between these days. Ask blogs in general seem to have mostly gone out of style.

But back then, even after my own flubs, I was still so strongly into it. They were a big part of my daily routine. I’d log onto tumblr and catch up with whatever these dozens upon dozens of characters were ‘up to.’

In time, I’d even spread out a little. I’d look for ask blogs from other fandoms. Adventure Time, Transformers, Godzilla, and others. The pony ask blogs never quite got overtaken, simply due to the sheer number of them, but each and every one was important. They were meaningful to me.

It was truly a big part of my life for a while. I’ve never been the happiest person in the world, and anything that would help perk me up even a little and get me through the day was important to me.

And to a degree, they still are.

Sure, 98% of them haven’t updated in eons. Some of them I haven’t even thought about in perhaps even years. But they were a part of my life. They were a part of me. And they’re a part of my personal history.

And it saddens me deeply that they might be lost.

Even if they aren’t totally deleted, the fact that the tumblr flagging algorithm is completely out of control and will seemingly flag things at random for no discernible reason suggests that they might be butchered. That they might lose posts. Perhaps many posts, perhaps only one or two. Even those small losses, though, to me, are tragic.

Because what this is, to me anyway, is a loss of history and culture. A loss of history that some may not think matters, and a loss of low-brow, niche, internet subculture, perhaps... but history and culture nonetheless.

It’d be tragic if a museum filled with priceless art burned down, right? If the Louvre burned down tomorrow, people would weep at what a tragedy it was, the loss of all that art and culture and history. But at least there would probably be photos and records of everything that was inside.

In this case? All this history... history that’s at the very least important to me on my personal journey through this life... is going to be lost without a trace. Never to be spoken of or heard of again. And someday my memories will fade and my body will turn to dust, and then they won’t live on at all.

I have a hard time dealing with loss. Loss of history, loss of memory, loss of culture, loss of life, loss of anything really. I have a really really hard time letting go of much of anything, even if I know it’s the healthy thing to do. Even if I know it’s only natural; that all things must come to an end.

Because just consider all that work. Consider all that work that goes into creating a piece of art. Consider all the work that goes into forging a place in history. Consider all the work that goes into just living. And in the end, no matter what it is, all that work will eventually crumble to dust. Forgotten, and never spoken of again.

...You can imagine how poorly I handle things like deaths in the family or considering my own mortality. If the loss of a bunch of old, dead ask blogs

Don’t even get me started on topics like the apocalypse or entropy or the eventual heat death of the universe. Thinking about topics like that give me the literal shakes.

The worst part is that I’m only talking about a fraction of what there is on tumblr that’s going to vanish. I’m only talking about this from my own perspective - the perspective of a singular fan of a very small number of fandoms. I can only wonder how other people of other fandoms are feeling. And then, of course, there’s the obvious, most-impacted people; the content creators themselves. Especially the NSFW content creators.

And of course, all of this... ALL of this rambling up to this point... is just the tip of the iceberg.

I’m going to miss those people that still update. I’m not exactly a social butterfly. I’m not the type to make friends easily with strangers. But those who are still updating, or even those who only occasionally pop in... I’m going to miss all of them.

And I’m going to miss my followers. It’s funny... I’ve never quite been the one to interact with people who follow me. I don’t know why anyone WOULD follow me, if I’m being honest. 99% of what I do on this blog is just reblog goofy shit from other people. But to those of you who’ve followed me... thank you. I’m going to miss you too.

I don’t know who you 173 people are. You might all be bots, for all I know. But thank you nonetheless. Sorry I never really reached out and interacted with you in any meaningful capacity. And I’m sorry I never really made anything of my blog beyond just a dumping site for goofy shit.

Even if I never really knew any of you, I’m still going to miss you.

I’m going to miss this site and its sheer ease of use. Even if it could become a hellhole of toxicity and hatred at the drop of a hat, the format of the site ‘clicked’ so much better with me than any other social media site on the planet.

I’m going to miss it all.

I’m trying to keep a saying I heard once close to my heart right now. A quote from Abraham Lincoln... that perhaps ironically, I first heard through one of the most painfully obnoxious and frustrating games I’ve ever seen in my life; Getting Over It with Bennet Foddy

“In this sad world of ours sorrow comes to all and it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible except with time. You cannot now believe that you will ever feel better. But this is not true. You are sure to be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing it will make you less miserable now.“

Perhaps I’m cheapening the quote, associating it with the loss of a sub-par social media site. With the loss of a bunch of old, dead ask blogs and the loss of followers that I never interacted with. But I do, truly feel a sense of pain and sorrow at this loss. And I’m trying to take this quote to heart and muddle through.

Perhaps, if any of you out there are as fucked in the head as I am, of if anybody out there is going through hard times for other reasons right now... it’ll mean something to you too.

I don’t know what I’ll do with this blog. As I just said, I dislike loss. I don’t make a habit of deleting anything. Nothing on this blog will be deleted, at least by my hand. I’m going to participate in the December 17th mass-log off.

...whether or not I’ll ever log back on... I’m not really sure at the moment

Anyway, I suppose I’ve rambled on long enough. To everybody out there that I watch... to everybody out there I’ve EVER watched... to all those ask blogs that helped me through hard times and brought me joy... to all the people that follow me for whatever reason... I’m going to miss you.

I hope we can all find joy somewhere else. Hopefully not too far off in the future.

Maybe I’ll see you there.

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