#ramon you are useless

[philtatosbuck]

chris deserves time to process and whatnot yeah yeah yeah but you have to be legitimately insane to think it is not deeply fucking cruel and harrowing that helena thinks it's honest to god best she takes her grandson away indefinitely to texas from his good father and support system instead of encouraging him to just take some space for a couple days like any good grandmother would

[andavs]

sorry what do you mean by eddie & shannon being a classic military couple?

Sorry it's been a minute, but this got away from me.

So military couples are notorious for getting married very young and very quickly for the benefits, and they’re also notorious for their relationships failing and getting divorced.

They skip the time usually spent building a solid foundation and partnership, and jump straight into marriage. Then if deployment comes up, one of them leaves for an extended period of time. This leads to a lot of relationships where sex is the only area where they’re compatible, because they’re both growing as people completely separate from each other. They’re handling different stresses, different schedules, sometimes completely different realities, until they’re finally reunited and a lot of the common ground they built their early relationship on isn’t there anymore. So they focus on the good things to keep things going because it’s easier, which is often sex.

Sound familiar?

Eddie and Shannon both said that they were always good at sex, but that’s about it. They never learned how to work as partners before they got married and became parents, and with Eddie deployed almost straight out of basic and overseas for half of their marriage, they never got the chance. Even just communicating was a struggle; anytime they tried to broach a difficult subject, it devolved into a yelling.

Like the fight about Eddie reenlisting:

Readjusting to civilian life is always rough, even with a really solid support system and no PTSD. Not just coming back to safety from danger, but while you're deployed, everything is relatively "simple". Even if you’re in a warzone and seeing combat, everything else is handled for you—food, clothing, medical, housing, etc. Coming back to suddenly having to worry about rent and paying for the dentist and grocery shopping and feeding the kids and getting them to school is a big adjustment and it can be overwhelming.  

So is coming back after a year and really realizing how much of your family's life you missed. They handled things without you, your kids grew and changed without you—you don't even know what you missed but you know you're out of sync, and it can be incredibly isolating. Reenlisting to get back to the familiar and "simple" life of the military isn’t uncommon.

Eddie didn't even know how to hold his son, let alone process the CP diagnosis, and all the bills and headaches of everyday life on top of that. Shannon was used to the bills and headaches and wanted him back so she wouldn’t have to handle it all alone, but he was so incredibly overwhelmed and disconnected that reenlisting was, in his mind, the way to solve a lot of those problems. (It’s also possible he got a pretty good bonus for reenlisting, which it sounds like they really needed, and Eddie was raised to do whatever it takes to provide.)

Then the welcome home party:

This comes with all the same problems as the reenlisting argument, but this time with more trauma and no exit strategy because Eddie was shot multiple times and discharged. The only way he's been able to "be a man and provide" for his family is unavailable, and he's clearly struggling with feeling useless and out of his depth.

Each member of his family in that scene puts pressure on common points of stress of returning from deployment:

Helena's on him for not knowing how to care for Christopher, and everything he’s missed while he was away.

Ramon's proudly holding up the symbol of his trauma and reciting the certificate, lauding the job Eddie can't do anymore.

Shannon's clearly been living for the day he gets back so she wouldn’t have to do it all alone anymore and they could get out of Texas. It was her light at the end of the tunnel, and she wants to get out of there as soon as possible.

None of them were being intentionally malicious, but Eddie constantly downplays everything about his military service ("I was just doing my job" / "I just did what anyone else would do") so none of his family really knew what he went through or how much it affected him. He came home pretending he was fine, so they expected him to be fine. Maybe they wanted him to be fine so they didn’t see how much he wasn’t. 

This is a really common problem for combat veterans and their families. They don’t want to think about what they’ve been through so they shove their medals in a box in the closet. They don't want to talk about it because their family won't understand or they don't want to go into the gory details, maybe they feel ashamed, or maybe they just aren’t ready to revisit it yet. But by not talking about it at all, the disconnect grows and they feel more alienated from their family, who has no idea how much they're struggling so they don’t know how to help, or even that they need help.

And Eddie’s clearly struggling in that scene, literally backed into a corner, snapping that he needs time because he doesn't know how to say that he can't handle up and moving to another state on top of everything else he's still not adjusting to. He probably can't even admit that he's not adjusting because this stuff should be easy and everyone else can get his son a drink, but he can’t even do that right. He was an incredibly competent and capable soldier and medic, and now he doesn’t even know where the juice boxes are.

But to Shannon, who doesn't know what he's feeling, he's being stubborn and dismissive of what she needs and everything she's been dealing with alone. And again, they never learned how to tackle these kinds of issues without fighting each other.

They were both at the end of their rope, and had similar responses that were incompatible with each other. Eddie dug in where it felt familiar and safe to him, in El Paso with his family nearby. Shannon retreated to where she could feel safe: LA, with her mom, where she wouldn't have someone correcting everything she did and constantly breaking her down further. It's possible she had her own support system there that she'd been largely cut off from while in Texas.

It's also not uncommon for a returning soldier to get boxed out of childcare and family decisions; their partner has gotten so used to handling it on their own that it can feel like they aren’t needed anymore. But sometimes the opposite happens: their partner has gotten so overwhelmed handling it all on their own that they end up dumping it on the returning soldier, like what happened when Shannon left. She was able to get away and breathe without everything on her shoulders, but then it all fell on Eddie who was already struggling with the basics.

Combine all of that with the stigma of PTSD within the military and so many soldiers willfully ignoring the symptoms, the way Eddie was raised to “brush it off, keep moving forward”, and Eddie’s very internal, freeze response PTSD symptoms where he just kind of shuts down and tries to stay where it’s safe, and you’ve got a dude silently drowning in Texas until he’s forced to make a move because his parents want custody of his son.

Most of this came from the book I Always Sit with My Back to the Wall, which again, seems like the instructions Eddie was built from.

[cornerdreams-txt]

hiiii so i was talking with a friend about the consequences of q!fit being in. a fucking pit. with dead bodies. for weeks. and we've agreed that, you know, being a 2b2t veteran and a major historian, fit has gone through a lot, that honestly? the worst part just might be the isolation aspect.

on 2b2t, even if it was a fight, or even if he had to duck into cover and hide, there was people. there was other people. fit would see others, he wasn't ever truly, fully alone. but here? in this pit? the only soul is himself. everyone else is beyond his reach. so when he finally, finally gets back, gets to go home, he's... at a loss. everything he'd grown used to is no longer normal to him. it's as foreign and strange as it once was when he first arrived on the island. sleeping on a bed. seeing people. being touched.

pac is unbearably kind to him, when the pieces finally fall into place, and fit's sudden, severe aversion to touch turns out to be touch starvation, and isolation trauma, no matter how hard fit tries to pretend its fine.

after some serious consideration, pac decides a good way to help fit readjust will be not to tell him that he's safe, but to show him.

also this got really long so there's more under the cut! i'm just putting the cut there to shorten the visible length of this post for the sake of scrollers lol

at first, he listens. watches. fit never turns his back on him, no matter what. he's always within fit's line of sight. so, he takes initiative. he turns his back to fit, on purpose. including when they sleep in the same bed - pac will stretch wide and long, then curl up on his side, back to fit, and let himself doze off there, all too aware of fit's eyes burning into the backs of his shoulder.

...fit always keeps at least one hand empty, or filled with a weapon when he's around other people. so, pac happily busies his hands with trinkets and useless items - blocks and books and signs and food and tools and never potions fit wouldn't be able to immediately identify - until fit stops watching pac's hands so warily.

fit doesn't touch him. so pac touches him, slowly, cautiously. absently reaches out to dust off his clothes for him, grabs his hand to give it a little squeeze, blows him a playful kiss if he's feeling extra sappy or teasing, shows him with gentle hands that it's okay. pac isn't going to hurt him.

and he keeps doing it, over and over, making himself vulnerable, allowing himself to appear defenseless and weak in fit's eyes, even when it makes his own anxiety tick and claw at him, because he knows fit won't hurt him. fit might be scared and withdrawn and back, in some ways, to how he used to be, but it's still his fit. he's still safe with him around.

and fit, well. if it weren't for it being pac, he'd call it stupiditiy. he'd call it suicidality to be so open, so vulnerable around someone else like that. especially someone who you know is dangerous and volatile and bloodthirsty and not afraid to hurt others. but it is pac. it's his boyfriend. it's ramon's other dad. so he checks himself, reevaluates, questions over and over why pac would be doing this.

it isn't until pac pulls fit to hover over him while he enthusiastically explains a new creative idea he's been mulling over in his brain, hands gesturing happily within the confines of fit's arms and their chests, rambling and infodumping, occasionally stumbling and struggling to find the words in english while he explains, that fit's brain clicks together that all that vulnerability. all that intentional self-disarming. it's been intentional. it's all. been intentional.

the reason pac has been putting himself in danger (making himself vulnerable) around fit is because he trusts fit. these intentional acts that fit would call suicidality in anybody else aren't pac being stupid or careless, it's a willful, intentional reminder, over and over and over, "i trust you," in every breath he breathes while doing things he knows fit's survival habits and instincts would never let him even try to do, showing him that it's safe, here, because if it wasn't, he wouldn't be doing all this.

if it wasn't pac doing all that shit, fit would call it stupiditiy.

but it is pac. so instead, he's pretty sure it's just… pac.

it's just his boyfriend.

so, he's okay.

[qtubbo]

Awww Pac’s offering to walk Sunny back to Tubbo but she wants to be independent so he’s just watching them from afar and asking if they’re sure. 

I read this as Sunny being angry and sad after one too many bad things today more than wanting to be independent. Pac was sweet but it definitely seems like she’s taking after her Pa with how she’s handling possible conflict 🙁

Ramon told them to ‘i feel like u should go to ur dad’, which he probably didn’t mean anything by but she definitely took it as her brother wanting her to leave. Before that there was suspicion thrown around about their bodyguard, driver, accountant, and friend as possible thieves. They overheard Fit questioning why Foolish would want to team up with their Pa. They watched their Pa moping around and feeling useless all day. She had a lot of lowercase signs and angry reactions. She didn’t wait for her Pa before going to bed.

A lot of small things but today was definitely not a good day for Sunny. At least It seemed like she was getting along with Tallulah, and Ramon did give her an invite to the birthday party.

twas a liveblog so I wasn’t thinking hard on it, but I think her rejecting Pac who is their driver, that in her own play pretend world his job would be to walk them back to Pa, from taking her back had more to do with Ramon’s sign. Ramon intended, I saw you waiting earlier and I know you want to go to him you don’t have to stay here and it was most likely read as leave me to my family time and go to yours.

As a callback to Ramon’s letter, he talked a lot about how Pac being his Pai is really important to him, how he needs Pac to fell like a full family. You can tell they really took that letter to heart since it queued Sunny’s later obsession with the idea of having two parents, a happy family like Ramon’s with her Ma and Pa. Sunny has been recognizing the difference between Ramon’s inner family Fit and Pac, versus his outer family Sunny, Empanada, Tubbo, Dapper, and Leo.

If Sunny were to go with Pac or Fit back to Tubbo that would ruin the point, because Ramon wanted to be with his family and they can’t ruin that so Sunny couldn’t go with Pac.

I don’t think Sunny doubts Ramon loves her, but I do think their drawing a greater line between her family and Ramon’s family, which before as could been seen by their reaction to Fit saying they aren’t family Sunny thought were the same. Sunny’s very young and developing pretty much everyday is going to effect her, so good things like Tallulah might like me and Ramon invited me to Fit’s birthday party is going to get balanced by things that may seem small but are big to her with Pa keeps leaving me behind and Ramon doesn’t want me intruding with his family.

[tallulah-spins-in-brain-24-7]

“Confidential experiments” written interviews, results, egg statuses, and finally thoughts and theories   

First, the interviews.

Q: Questions 

N: Cucurucho’s notes 

R: egg responses

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Philza and Missa. 

N: Correct. 

Q: which parent do you spend the most time with?

R: Philza 

N: correct 

Q: what have you learned from your parents? (Asked x2) 

R: to trust yourself and the closest people around 

N: trust 

Q: do you feel weak? x2

R: not much different. I’m okay. I don’t feel weak 

N: said not much 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Badboyhalo and baghera 

N: correct 

Q: how are you currently feeling? 

R: like killing certain bear in front me but also than that nothing 

N: threatening behaviour 

Q: have the cookies made you happy 

R: cookies is cookies so I guess yes 

N: yes. 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Foolish y vegetta 

N: correct 

Q: do you hate anybody? 

R: hay que ser sinceros? (Do we have to be honest?) la sunny (the sunny) 

N: sunny

Q: do you feel weak? 

R: debil??? no, yo soy fuerte y mamadisima (weak??? no, I am strong and very [slang for] ripped/strong) 

N: no 

Q: Who are your parents? 

R: mamae Bagi Mami mouse mama Niki and eomma tina

N: correct 

Q: have the cookies made you happy? 

R: I trusted you it would be safe and that trust killed me. Change the baker of the cookies. 

N: no 

(Em says “also passa tudo bubble blower) 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: you could give me my life back, but I’m not perfect enough am I

(Cucurucho says “good”) 

N: odd behaviour. Needs observation? 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: PA TUBBO POP SLIME MA LENAY :D 

N: correct 

Q: what have you learned from your parents? 

R: THAT IM THE CUTEST :D 

N: useless. 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: MY STEP PA WORKS HERE :D ILL TAKE OVER SOON >:D 

N: threatening behaviour

Q: who are your parents? 

R: apa Quackity apa Marianna y apa roier :-D 

N: correct 

Q: what do you value the most? 

R: que mis apas sean felices asi muy muy felices :] (May my parents be happy, very very happy.) 

N: very parent-oriented 

Q: who do you get along with best on this island? 

R: con mi bestie Leo, mi awelo foolish y soulmate empi! :D (with my bestie Leo, my awelo foolish and soulmate empi!) 

N: trusting behaviour 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: Fit and Pac. U should know. 

N: correct? (Pac?) 

Q: do you hate somebody? 

R: maybe. But that’s personal right? 

C: maybe. 

N: hides 

Q: what do you know about the federation? 

R: only what the federation wants me to know. That’s what u do right? 

(Cucurucho says: “yes”) 

N: needs observation. 

(Ramon says: “can I ask you to make the island less homophobic? Would be great”) 

(Cucurucho says: “good”) 

(Tallulah is defended by Ramon and chayanne, who are pushed back by workers. Cucurucho says “no” and watches Dapper steal paint. Adds note that says “steals” on dappers profile.) 

Q: who are your parents? 

R: papa Phil, papi Wilbur, pa missa 

N: correct 

Q: do you hate somebody?

R: no mames Cucurucho. Maybe. 

N: maybe 

Q: what do you value the most? 

R: I value quality time, something papa Phil and chay gives me :D 

N: family-oriented behaviour 

(Cucurucho says “good”) 

Second activity: Egg fights/Combat analysis 

Eggs are then given a totem of undying and a stick, put in a room and told to fight. 

Chayanne vs Empanada. Chayanne won 

Dapper vs pepito. Dapper won. 

Tallulah vs Ramon. Tallulah won. 

Sunny vs Leonarda. Leonarda won. Ramon rushed in to stand protectively in front of Sunny, placing himself between them when sunny was killed. Tallulah* called sunny/Ramon a cheater.  (*edited because I originally wrote pepito on accident)

Cucurucho then leaves, and talks to three workers. 

Cucurucho: I need the wearabouts of the two missing eggs. No excuses. 

(Worker nods) 

Cucurucho: they have improved well. The federation will be happy. But they are not perfect. 

Cucurucho is then handed this book by a fourth worker: 

Then, we have the egg statuses:

Conclusions, thoughts, and theories

New info: 

- Two unnamed eggs (Definitely A1 and Hope)

- Richas is in group four. Why? He’s meant to be in tallulahs group, but this implies he’s from another batch. Would explain why he’s smaller. Also, maybe why he knows so much about egg island? 

- earlier in the stream, there were files for the eggs. Basically barrels containing their assessments and reports on development. There were two barrels labelled ▪��▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️(presumably “memories” which is another name for hope) and ▪️▪️▪️  ▪️▪️(egg a1).

My Thoughts/theories

One of either hope or a1 is dead. My bet is on a1 being dead, considering we saw her fall into lava on screen in one of Quackities streams. Hope, or memories, however, has no proof on her status. Aside from that image. My bet is hope is alive. If so, where is she? Are the batches labeled in order, or are they judged by success in development? Which would explain why Richas is group four: he’s considered the worst egg to the federation. He doesn’t back down, he’s reckless, he’s impulsive, he’s against the feds.He threatened Cucurucho. He doesn’t listen to orders. Hes untrustworthy. This is how the federation views him. A1 couldn’t do basic parkour, and struggled to write. Hope? The federation deemed her unworthy.Tallulah was likely meant to be batch 4, considering she was abandoned in the adoption centre just like hope was. But then with Phil’s care, she “leveled up” so to speak. 

(it has been pointed out to me that Memories/Hope is actually listed as group 2, which is listed as deceased. Meaning Egg A1 is likely the one who is alive, which will certainly be… interesting, when they meet Quackity again. Poor kid. I’m still holding out, well, hope, that hope is alive somewhere.)

I believe sunny is on thin ice, because of the notes that Cucurucho made in her developmental report. 

And where did pomme and Richas go? They were seen in the library where Cucurucho found the eggs, but must have snuck away at some point. I think the fact that they were left behind will have something to do with the rescue mission they’ve been planning for Cellbit and Baghera. 

thank you for reading! If you’re interested, I finally got around to making my hope design based on the egg models:

https://www.tumblr.com/soot-spins-in-brain-24-7/741070126497038336/my-design-for-hopememory-egg?source=share

(Also the lovely egg divider is by @thegoldendaystrikesback)

[hausofmamadas]

PRIMOGENITAL | the Wisdom of Fredward Horniman

From The Gentlemen, Episode 1 - Refined Agression

∴

Look, you guys. He’s really suffered, okay?

He’s been STABBED in the heart, he’s been London-BRIDGED(?), he’s been FUCKED in the face, DOGGED on the floor.

And it’s true. He has, despite being the firstborn son, been relegated to the truly harrowing fate of being the most embarrassingly, painfully, mediocre progeny in the family line, that his dad had no choice but to break with 600yrs of tradition and cut him out of the will, passing everything to younger, much cooler more responsible brother, Edwina “Eddie” Horniman. And isn’t not having a bullshit title, nor the crushing debt of his father’s failed above-board business, nor having to deal with the surprise! extensive, underground potfarm on the estate grounds and all the accompanying stress and criminal hijinx with it— well, isn’t it just the most traumatic thing you can imagine???????

Now all Freddy gets to do is:

live in historic mansion with way-too-cool-to-be-caught-dead-with-him, Inexplicable-Stunt-Driver-Wife Tamasina (known by abs legendary nickname of Wham Tam) who also, when asked by Freddy in a moment of desperation if she thinks he’s a cock, rightly points out, “all men are cocks, Freddy”

pal around in chicken costume and steal cars with chill asf brother that he only occasionally wants dead, Steady Eddie who’s legit so good at everything that Freddy doesn’t have to be good at anything

go “fishing” aka chuck live grenades into lake full of salmon, a method worthy of Park-Tuna-Assassin Ramon Arellano Félix and invent Crack!Weed another Ramon-coded pasttime with bestie-botanist and lover of all things hydroponic, hallucinogenic, and Special Sauce, Jimmy Chang …. AND

Skeet shoot out in picturesque estate garden with creature-whisperer, actual live angel, and all around Dilf-of-the-manor, Geoff

Oh, the horror.

No, but honestly, I cannot summon from memory a single character I have so biblically despised on first watch, only to full 180, violently swing in the opposite direction to straight glee/appreciation for the comedic marvel that is Mr. (not!)Duke-SirFancyPants-RoyalDumpsterFire-LordSomethingErOther, the one, the only, Frederick “Fredward” Horniman aka thisprince👇

Yeah, talk about refined aggression? I had some refined ass aggression toward ole Fred, here. Like when I tell you I hated this “man,” I h a t e d this man.

All I could think the whole time, on first watch was, wowowow, y’know what’s worse than a useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus …?

A loud useless, entitled, infantile, drug-addled, narcissistic man-fetus.

My mans, Eddie is wayyy too generous here☝️and every other time he bails Freddy out of whatever pigshit he manages to shove his full face into bc I’d be throwing more than paper. That antique furniture would regrettably be sailing thru the air, straight at that fat melon of this nepo-baby dressed in DivineRightofKings drag, if only to get a precious few fucking seconds of silence.

Like the only one reacting appropriately here is Charly☝️who Freddy snarkily calls Lady Macbeth with a mix of love and contempt only a sibling can display which like, not the best? insult? To be called one of the most groundbreaking female characters of all time? But our boy is nothing if not scholarly, right. So im sure he super paid attention when the class was reading Macbeth

So, yeah. He’s basically the worst. There’s a metric fuck ton of evidence to support that. AND YET, this mf isn’t completely useless bc after my 2nd and 3rd rewatch specifically witnessing the genius that is his alter ego, plastic Russian gangster, Anatoly Givenchy Romanov who laavs orange cars and Siberian tigers let me do tell you, against my better judgment, I found myself growing to love and adore the (2nd) funniest character in an already hilarious show (crown goes to beautiful tropical fish Jimmy bc mans always proper vibin’)

And now, when I watch this scene, instead of berserker levels of enraged, I’m struck with a disorienting combo of secondhand cringe + juvenile glee??? Like instead of wanting to aggravated manslaughter my own tv, I’m just “awww, Fredward. What a little nothing you are. Look how silly you look in your lil boarding school jumper.” And it feels good(?) but mostly bad. And then I do this

like the true American scum that I am.

═

taglist: @drabbles-mc @when-did-this-become-difficult @narcolini, @ladygoatee ⇝ tagged bc even tho you have zero intention of watching, you were diligently taking notes

[verifiedaccount]

tagged by @crewneck to pick a song per letter of my url

v- V-2 Schneider // David Bowie

e- Earn Enough For Us // XTC

r- Racer X // Big Black

i- I Am Decided // The Amps

f- Four Words // Parenthetical Girls

i- (I Make the) Product // Desperate Bicycles

e- Ex-Con // Smog

d- Drums of Africa // King Tubby & Prince Jammy

a- Awesome Sound // Ween

c- C.R.E.E.P. // The Fall

c- Cooking Wine // Alkaline Trio

o- Octopussy // The Wedding Present

u- Useless Information // The Move

n- Noise Ramones // Boredoms

t- Thank You God for Making Me An Angel // Country Teasers

If you want to do it, consider yourself tagged, since actually tagging people only seems to work some of the time

[th3-p-a1-nt3r]

Okay im literally so bored soooo

@pastelclovds ' isekai AU for Wren again bc i LOVE WRITING!!!

Wrens Isekai life!! Pt. 2!

When they get to the apartment luckily it seemed furnitured but bland enough to still decorate

Wren began to sign to CAM

"Which room would you like, oldest gets to pick first"

RAM a bit offended sighs and takes the L on this one

CAM picked the middle room, not too big, not too small

"RAM would you like the bigger room, I don't wanna be selfish and take it if you want it instead!"

RAM would take it normally, but with the size of the big room it would be better for Wren to take it, since they need the wheelchair in there...

Or maybe they can share this room?

"We can share, the smallest room will be CAM and I office"

"Fair, and sorry if Im being annoying but can you place me on the couch? I'll fidgure out something i can do, don't want to be a mooch ahah!"

Wren felt bad that their useless this time around

Normally they'd be dancing, helping move anything, preparing dinner or even going to their job

But in this world they really can't move with any support

For now they'll just be doing laundry and unpacking boxes for RAM and CAM

Speaking of the two

"Hey RAM, get CAM I need to talk to the two of you!"

They both sit next to Wren as they look at the two

"Okay now that were in a world were I'm familiar with we need to get you better names, I think CAM will be Cameron or Cam for short, its obvious, but RAM...Why don't I call you...Ramon? Just for now! I'll still call the you Ram and Cam but more as nicknames...luckily my name is a normal name so unless the two of you want to share a last name then we need some type of household name"

RAM was barely following along while CAM took notes\

After Wren's rambles they finally got RAM's attention

"Now Ram, Cam if anyone ask you two are born from the same mom different dads, also we should find out if AM is here as well..II know you all don't get along but it'll be nice to see if he has a new identity here as well"

"He won't live here right?"

"Of course not, if he has a house or whatever we'll visit him"

Ram nodded and Cam seemed a bit off with that idea but Wren knows how to lie better than the two of them

"If we can...I kinda wanna see if we can live here as long as we can.."

Wren spoke with a bit of sadness, Ram and Cam knew somewhat why they would wanna stay here but not for what they think

"So, lets fine jobs and I'll lie my candy ass off to make sure no one knows of who we we're before"

They both nod

Night falls and Wren is sitting on the couch knitting a blanket for winter, Cam usually gets cold often so this would be a nice surpise for Christmas

"Wren..."

"Whats up Ram..."

Ram sighs as he sits next to Wren trying to keep them as close as possible

"What is bothering you..I know something is wrong...I may be apathetic to others but for you it's different..I've been in you're mind but I know you kept secrets from me..You're in despair...i know it..."

"I..its..its a long story....And I know I've known you for a while I just...I don't know if you'd hate me for it"

Wren confested as they pinned the chain they were on and packed it into a bag for safe keeping

"When I think you're ready I'll tell you the truth"

Ram seemed a bit upset but he knows its for the best

"I'll put faith you'll tell me"

Ram spoke so softly

Even with his accent he still manages to sound so soft

"heh...I love your scars by the way...they look really cool, can...can I touch them? If you want you can touch mine as well!"

Wren smiled as Ram shook his head

"You may...but you don't have to if you don't want to"

Wren smiled wider as they removed their jacket for him to see the tank top they wore

Their scars ran up their spine and into their hair, they had some on their shoulders and knees but most where on their head

"Oh but I do Ram~"

Adding spicy moments soon~

[richie-shitlips]

cast the moots in lihn 🤨

win okay so

disclaimer: this is purely on vibes this show couldn't really be blind cast, race is important in a real production

Susannah Sonn - @cheefdae i don't have reasons. useless lesbians /aff

Sheila Nail - ME

Kitty Minx - @sashathegirliepop i don't know you very well but!! yeah!! girlbosses for the win!!

Dorothy Donaldson - @loganschwarzy duh

Judith Ramone - @perseus-was-sadly-taken yeah

Rat Ratowski - @chompisatheatrekid in the original production (not the one we watched) rat bit dorothy

Ya-Ya Meeks - @jump-into-a-pit-of-chickens silly

Miss Asp/Harriet - @isopodonanescalator you're the only one i will ever trust with her other than lauren marcus

Francis/Buzz/Doc Shock - you linc. yeah. i just think you'd eat. you should cover Francis's Song it'd be funny

[vern-a]

Qsmp is very important!!!

Looked at purely from the way qsmp's world works!!!

You know why i love qsmp so much?

Its very communal and collabotative. The parents take care of tasks for those who cant make it. Everyone has linked up their waypoints solely to make sure they have a faster way of getting to each other, lest trouble arises.

Food, tools, items and anything else in need is shared. There is almost a communal pool of resources. Knowledge is shared freely, and everyone makes an effort to update each other on important matters (wether just about mod quirks (our genious Ramon) or helping with setting up the translator, anything). If someone has an abundance of something (Phils dirt) theyll ask anyone they meet if they need any.

Distribution of labour!! Some people are mostly self-sufficient, but there are some who farm and distribute food to those who focus more on building or looking after the eggs. I love the habit of streamers asking each other if they have enough food. Some are being useless sluts (/pos /affectionate) and still are taken care of by the community (if the lore allows it).

The accommodation of (potential!!) disability and acceptance of people. Dappers uber autism is not seen as something in need of changing. Bad is more than happy to see the boy do his thing and every streamer exposed to Dappers collections is impressed and prideful. Tallulahs shyness and reckless love for the harsh world isnt seen as something that she needs to get rid of, lest she get hurt, but rather as something that she needs to cherish, because it is valuable and special. (I can again mention the sharing of resources here!!).

The absolute queerness of it. The whole island is essentially a policule. Suggestive and sexual activities are always consensual and not looked down upon. Not participating in sexual activity is not looked down upon!! Platonic assigned co-parenting, and being a single parent is regarded as equal to the (out of game) standard of mother/ father/ child. Eggs not really having a gender, or having multiple genders or being Very Cis (lobe you Chayanne). Pronouns optional (and always respected). Bitch wife (he is a man and also enjoys this). Men in dresses (and not making it a mockery/ caricature of women). Jaiden (we love you girlboss <3).

Qsmp is a perfect world that is community-oriented, child-centered, library economy based, queer and poc without judgement or stigma. There is so much love admist the chaos and confusion, and everyone is willing and ready to fight, live and go to therapy for the protection and prosperity of the children, for each other, and for family.

Qsmp is my perfect future.

I love it. I feel loved BY it. Thank you, Quackity. Thank you, admins. Thank you, streamers. I love you.

[rainbowonice]

writing down all my problems with this episode to heal my soul and release my inner hater self:

Athena pestering Amir and abusing her power as a cop once again without repercussions

the narrative using Amir, a man that lost his wife in a terrible fire and got literally scarred for life, as a red herring MULTIPLE times literally leave him alone he did nothing to deserve this

Eddie's parents character regression, Helena SMILING the whole time and Ramon saying that Shannon is "even in death that woman is making his life a chaos” like? neither he or Chris ever got over her and Kim made it 100 times worse and they didn't fix it or address how Shannon death affected them, Eddie is still romanticising her, his family is still vilanizing her and we have no idea what Chris thinks even if that should have been where the story was taking us, them finally having a real talk about Shannon, instead they made Chris run away.

daddy kink joke i already made a post about this but id like to add that daddy issues ≠ daddy kink and that making them equal is gross and is harmful having parental issues shouldn't be a sexual thing.

cartel not cartel thing taking up 40% of the episode for literally no reason and i already made a post on how racist that whole plot is

Bobby dying for 14 minutes and then being ok by THE END OF THE DAY and then 2 WEEKS LATER coming in at work without telling it to anyone else and without even taking away his retirement request??????

the zero stakes regarding Bobby's life the team looking unfazed, no one was crying, no one was really worried and at the end of the day we even got Buck having a dinner date wearing the same shirt he has been wearing THE WHOLE DAY (I'm not letting this slide I'm sorry that's my new roman empire) like ok i thought that we were a family lmao?

Bobby suicidal thought are healed ig now sure

Madney taking temporary custody of Mara first of all a quick google search told me it takes "after you complete your training, it usually takes about three to four months" and they did it in like a week help and the whole narrative is just lesbianphobia. Henren can't get a single family story without it ending with the kid taken away or the kid thinking that two mothers aren't enough there is a need of a dad... while is a cute scene or whatever it reeks of cishet couple does it better and without struggle while the black lesbians have to struggle and beg.

that old fart coming back he's 200 years old at best what the fuck a cold will take him out prince Philip looked better 2 days before perishing be real how is he supposed to be a threat? Just sneeze near him GOD

the episode overall was predictable af and honestly boring it fell flat and the screentime Amir got was CRAZY they cut so many scenes they cut a whole Eddie and Chris scene of them crying in Chris room (what was the context we will never know rip) just to get 100 scenes of the cartel, the ugliest date scene you've ever experienced in your life and Athena neighbour from 4 doors down.

this season was The Worst season they ever made even worse than season 1 and 6 and you guys have no idea how much i hate them. It was a whole mess rushed, dumb, badly written, badly executed, wasted time on useless scenes and cut away too much, they didn't had a single normal call, they didn't had a single fire engine scene, they all looked disconnected and it legit made no sense not even the actors liked it.

[brooklynstar]

Cisco: **loses Harry in a crowd** Hey Jesse, I can’t find Harry anywhere. I’m getting worried.

Jesse: Hm. Alright. **cups mouth** HARRISON WELLS SUCKS

Harry: **nothing**

Jesse: Oh. I know! **cups mouth** CISCO RAMON IS SMALL, DUMB AND USELESS

Harry: **cocks gun, pushing his way through the crowd** WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY-

Jesse: Found ‘im.

[art-of-manliness]

Saddle Up! A Dictionary of Old-Time Cowboy Slang

The cowboy is one of the great archetypes of American manliness.  He embodies many of the virtues Americans prize, such as grit, freedom, and independence. The cowboy followed a code of honor that, rather than being set by an aristocracy, came from the ground up and worked itself out within a posse.  While many of our ideas of cowboy life are a myth, the romantic ideal of it has had an outsized influence on American culture, including in language.  Because the cowpuncher was typically uneducated, he often used slang to communicate with his horse-riding, steer-roping peers. In 1936, American folklorist Ramon Adams published an ethnography called Cowboy Lingo that focused on the unique language of American cowboys. In it, he cataloged the colorful slang words used by cowboys in the American West from the 19th century to the early 20th. According to Adams, cowboy slang is characterized by the use of picturesque metaphors. The cowboy drew from his everyday life to create phrases and words that could be used more broadly. For example, a cowboy might have noticed that when a bull gets angry, it starts aggressively pointing its horns at would-be targets. To tell a fellow cowpoke to quit looking for trouble, a cowboy might say to his compadre: “Pull in your horns!” Below, we give you a sampling of common cowboy slang words. You might notice some of them sprinkled in a Western movie or novel, and you’ll even notice some that are still in use today. Ace in the hole. A hideout or a hidden gun. According to Hoyle. Correct, by the book. “Hoyle” is a dictionary of rules for card games. Acknowledge the corn. To admit the truth, to confess a lie, or acknowledge an obvious personal shortcoming. Addle-headed. Empty-headed, not smart. A hog-killin’ time. A real good time. “We went to the Rodeo Dance and had us a hog-killin’ time.” A lick and a promise. To do a haphazard job. “She just gave it a lick and a promise.” All-fired. Very, great, immensely; used for emphasis. “He is just too all-fired lazy to get any work done around here.” Amputate your timber. Go away, run off. Apple peeler. Pocket knife. Apple pie order. In top shape, perfect order. Attitudinize. To assume an affected attitude. Bach (pronounced “batch”). For a man to keep house without a woman’s help. Backdoor Trots. Diarrhea. Ballyhoo. Sales talk, advertising, exaggeration. Barber’s cat. Half-starved, sickly-looking person. Barber’s clerk. A conceited, over-dressed fellow who tries to act like a “gentleman.” Barkin’ at a knot. Doing something useless; wasting your time, trying something impossible. Barrel boarder. A bum. Between hay and grass. Neither man nor boy, half-grown. Biggest toad in the puddle. The most important person in a group. Biggity. Large, extravagant, grand, haughty. Black-eyed susan. A six-gun. Blue devils. Dispirited. “I have the blue devils today.” Bone orchard. Cemetery. Bosh. Nonsense. “It was absolute bosh what he said.” Boss. The best, top. “The Alhambra Saloon sells the boss whiskey in town.” Buckaroo. A cowboy, usually from the desert country of Oregon, Nevada, California, or Idaho. Buckle to. Set about any task with energy and determination. Calico queen. Prostitute. California widow. A woman separated from her husband, but not divorced. (From when pioneer men went West, leaving their wives to follow later.) Cash in. To die. Catch a weasel asleep. Referring to something impossible or unlikely, usually used in regard to someone who is always alert and seldom or never caught off guard.  Clodhopper. A rustic, a clown. Cotton to. To take a liking to. Cowboy up. Toughen up, get back on yer horse, don’t back down, don’t give up. Dash. Euphemism for damn. Dead-alive. Dull, inactive, moping. Didn’t have a tail feather left. Broke. Docity. Quick comprehension, usually used in a negative way. “He has no docity.” Don’t care a continental. Don’t give a damn. Dry gulch. To ambush someone, especially when the ambusher hides in a gully or gulch… http://dlvr.it/T613jw

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here my friend, only mildly hung over but still severely disappointed, just coming into your inbox to share my random finale complaints that have been stockpiling.

Already been said many times but why Marisol again?? Just why??

You know what the awkwardness of the daddy talk reminded me of?? Remember in RNM 3x01 when Alex came back and told Forest "a man has needs" or some shit and we all collectively cringed away from our screens?? Its was sooo weirdly out of place and character and that's exactly what the dinner scene is. Also notably written by a former showrunner who won't stop fucking up storylines at every opportunity.

How exactly is the Chris leaving BS supposed to last more than like, 1 week tops??? When Helena (and Ramon) tried to take him 7 years ago and get their redo he was just a kid, but now he's a teenager whose been raised by Eddie Diaz. Not saying he's ready for college or to make his own housing decisions or anything 🙄, but his personality and preferences are not going to change much. He's not the moldable little kid anymore, and the moment Helena realizes that and Chris realizes that's what they wanted him for wouldn't jump on the next flight?? I know there's so much about that arc that's utter nonsense but did the writers put any thought into the characters at all??

Anyway, I probably should do my job for a few hours before I go completely off the rails, hope your own recovery is going well!!

Hey bestie! If it seems like you haven't heard from me all day, that's because I girlbossed too close to the post limit sun reblogging every petty, irritated, frustrated, what-in-the-actual-fuck-was-that post. I scheduled a bunch too do drop after the doors open on the post limit jail cells, this one among them.

I'm sitting here with my twisted peach tea, fresh off of work and a trip to the store (it was awful and full of people and only one lane open that could sell alcohol, AND they didn't have the honeycomb ice cream I specifically went there to get and try out with my earl grey tea ice cream because the universe hates me), just still so SO frustrated that once again they let KR swoop in at the last minute and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the finale. Not even anything Buddie related, just in making literally ANY storyline all season have a good narrative payoff that felt like we went somewhere. Even the most watchable part of the episode (the Mara reunion) fell flat because we didn't see Hen and Karen putting up the fight they set up with the councilwoman, and Maddie and Chim had time all season to talk about maybe having another child, or fostering to make them able to swoop in at the last minute make sense but instead it just came out of the blue! (And don't get me started on the whole "this lesbian couple can't have a kid but the straight couple runs into no issues despite Chim being involved on scene in the death of the councilwoman's son).

ANYWAY. Let's talk about your bullet points please, because I have THOUGHTS.

1/3. Marisol was literally less than useless and if they HAD to avoid an off-screen hiatus breakup (they didn't need to, no one remembered her, it would have been fine) they easily could have ditched her in 7x05 and it would have affected absolutely nothing.

IMAGINE Buck is the one taking Chris to the movies and walks in on "Shannon" and Eddie? We get some Buddie angst with them having to talk out what happened because Buck was worried before but now he's WORRIED, and we could have gotten a more heartfelt resolution with Chris by allowing Eddie and Chris to have one single conversation this whole season, and maybe deciding together to go to therapy in a couple weeks when he gets back from his pre-planned summer vacation to Texas.

Then start s8 with Chris having delayed coming back all summer, and Ramon and Helena facilitating getting him into camps and stuff so he "couldn't" come back and Eddie starting to get fed up and maybe being ready to go to Texas himself to get Chris when whatever disaster the opening is strikes. Cue Chris seeing it on the news and panicking and demanding to go home and see his dad. It would be satisfying to watch, and would tug on the heartstrings without ripping them out for no good goddamn reason and punishing Eddie so severely while also NOT actually dealing with his issues about Shannon!! *screams into pillow* If we never see or hear about her again it will be too soon. They have drug this out past the point of any purpose and it needs to be put to fucking rest, 25ft down so it can't crawl back up. Doused in holy water just in case.

It really feels like they had a plan for Buck with the whole Natalia thing fizzling out and breaking up which I actually am glad we didn't see because as this season proved, it is LONG past time to leave Buck withering away in unfulfilling relationships he don't know how he got into in the first place, but once that was gone he got the coming out bit and....nothing much else all season and even that was one episode and then a couple minutes of screentime sprinkled throuout that used those precious seconds to show us how incredibly ill-matched they are. While Eddie, who was SUPPOSED to have the coming out arc (that was maybe more in-depth and planned to ACTUALLY deal with the Shannon of it all), was also left with a "well what do we do with him now" arc. Spoiler alert, it was NOT THIS. So no, I don't think they had the time in the shortened time frame they had to put literally ANY thought into what to do with these characters.

Point 2. My friend. Not only are you EXACTLY right about the tonal issue matching that cringe AF scene from RNM, but I will raise you that, AND everything about 2x06, including fandom swooping in to claim everyone who didn't fall all over themselves about that scene being amazing was a) homophobic and b) puritanical, pearl-cultching, and uneducated. Oh! and c) just needs to learn how to fucking multi-ship and be happy with whatever is on screen because it couldn't POSSIBLY be better, and you should just accept it now. 😒😒😒

It's gonna be a loooooong fucking hiatus but here's hoping Timmy got all the Lone Star brainworms out and can not just pack a punch in the disaster opening (RIP to everyone who didn't like the cruise ship disaster, I had a great time and it was the best opening in YEARS), but can actually follow through on storylines and emotional beats all season. And maybe get more calls??? On the weewoo show?? It was always and issue on LS too which I thought was Rob Lowe syndrome an all the "Owen things firefighting is boring" stuff but maybe it's budget constraints? Yo! ABC! Give us the cash for good emergencies! And of course, they need to get Kristen the FUCK out of the writers room. Please, literally ANY cop show out there, we are literally BEGGING you to take her off our hands!

Bright side, I have been working on my Countdowns fic (I posted a little bit last week and I want to try and work on it more now that all my shows are on hiatus), and while *I* may be the worlds slowest writer, I just know the Buddie fandom is going to come through with some BANGER canon-fix-it fics. So cheers to that, and lets pray the muse smiles on me astronaut!Buck/medic!Eddie so I can actually contribute something. I'm gonna go make a flatbread spinach and artichoke pizza, watch something, literally ANYTHING else, and oggle my d20 Bad Kids dice that arrived today, my Ayda pin, and my Jawbone quote mug and not think about 911 for a little bit. (until I'm allowed out of post-limit jail and can go back to being a petty bench on main).

Take a breath, we can get through this hiatus together! At least we know we have Oliver and Ryan on our side, so let's make some Buddie content for them to send to each other to help THEM through this rough time.

[skylarmoon71]

Harry Wells (Flash) - Earth 2 - Chapter 14

Letting go is painful.

Harry hoped that those memories would hold for longer.

He was never certain when it would kick in.

It was quicker than he expected.

The both of you were having coffee. All you’d done was take a seat, and that was it.

“Oh, hello?”

Your head tilted to the side, as you stared at him.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes, have we met before?”

It was a literal gut punch. You were smiling, but there was not an ounce of recognition in your eyes. Harry did his best to collect himself to lay out a response that would be believable.

“I spilled my coffee on you yesterday, I wanted to apologize.” He placed the drink that he bought just for you on the table. When you read the label, your smile got brighter.

“Thank you, that’s so nice of you. I’m sure the coffee spilling was my fault though. I tend to get a bit clumsy. Especially around handsome men.”

From the color that littered your cheeks, it was clear you hadn’t planned to say that.

He couldn’t help it, he laughed. Because it was so uncharacteristic of you. It was all he could truly do to keep himself from crying at the moment.

His laughter seemed to urge your own.

The both of you sat there in fits of laughter. When it slowly began to die down, he wanted to reach out. Touch you, hold you, one last time. But it was useless. After a moment of internal battle, He stood.

“I should get going.”

You rise with him.

“W-Wait I-”

From the look on your face, it’s clear that you didn’t want him to leave. But he couldn’t stay there.

“Is there any way we could meet again?”

His expression slowly fell, and he reached for his cap out of instinct.

“I’m sorry.”

That’s all he said as he marched out of the shop, leaving you standing there.

It was cowardly, he knew that.

But there was nothing else he could do.

He told himself it was wrong.

It was wrong for him to be this angry.

He wanted to see that smile, and you were finally wearing it. One that had no pain from Eobard’s wounds. Regret from decisions you made to save the ones you love. It was all gone.

You were free.

To live your life.

Now he needed to go and find a way to live his.

“You’re going back to earth 2?”

Harry nodded at Cisco’s observation. He’d caught him packing up a few of his gadgets from the lab. Barry’s steps slowed when he caught the conversation.

“When do you plan to come back?” Barry asked.

Now Caitlin was fully listening.

“I don’t know.”

He wasn’t sure he could, at least not at the moment.

“I just need time to get things in order.”

“You mean forget about (Y/N).”

Cisco’s words were filled with bitterness.

“You’re just going to walk away. You promised you would see her one last time didn’t you? Now you’re just going to leave. Run away like you always do when you don’t want to face a problem.”

“What exactly would you have me do Ramon? Walk up to her and play pretend?”

“We know it’s hard but-”

“IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” Harry exploded.

He dropped his bag to the ground, fist clenched.

“I can’t..I can’t..”

He couldn’t even get the words out, and they understood. Harry looked off to the side, choking on his words. Cisco nodded, taking a step closer as he placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. Pretty soon Barry and Caitlin were at his side doing the same. It’s rare for someone as proud as Harry to be vulnerable.

All they could do at the moment was provide comfort.

Because no amount of words would fix what had been done.

[joezy27]

HAWKEYE - "The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same"

A Kate Bishop story by Kelly Thompson

My neighbor across the street is trying to kill us all.

Okay, wait. We gotta go back further. Let’s see…where to start?

I broke my leg.

Actually, that’s inaccurate, Ladder Man broke my leg while I was doing super hero stuff during the pandemic. Oh yeah, the pandemic. Context. Stories have to have context. So let’s go further back. This is the last time, I promise.

Nobody ever expected this to happen. I mean, we were all waiting for the apocalypse of course... a zombie one, a nuclear winter one, even a sharknado one…but the one where you have to stay home for months on end by yourself and watch your life and loved ones slip away either metaphorically or literally or both? Yeah, nobody wrote stories about that. You know why? Because it sucks. And it’s boring. And nobody would sign up for it! I would fight a thousand zombie hordes before I’d be trapped in this uncertainty again. But we do what we have to do for the safety of ourselves and others. Even when the ask is huge. Even when the ask is weird.

And I am who I am, so I wanted to do more, I wanted to help. Heck, I needed to help, it might be compulsive, but let’s put a pin in that for now.

Annnnnnyway, while I’m someone with some very particular and impressive skills, I’m not skilled at everything. In fact, I’m bad at a lot.

The masks I tried to sew? They were bad. Very very bad.

The website I tried to build for Ramone to help her surf shop get through the shutdown? She fired me. Do you know how bad a website has to be to get your best friend—who is not paying you—to fire you? Yeah. It was that bad.

I did successfully donate blood, but there’s only so much blood you can donate, and only so many cookies you can eat. Well, okay, you can probably eat infinite cookies, and have a great time doing it, but not if you ever want to fit into your costume again. Like, a form-fitting costume with hip holes is not forgiving, people.

But it turns out—surprise surprise!—that Super Villains are not exactly great at following the rules. In fact, they see nothing but opportunity in times of crisis. So, yeah, Super Villain activity spiked real fast. Just in Venice Beach alone we were lousy with villains making trouble. I put up some personal bests as far as taking down jerks.

But…and here we get to the relevant leg bit. I was fighting Ladder Man and his ridiculous “stepstool minions” three days ago with Johnny and Ramone Watts, who most people know as Fuse and Alloy, brother and sister Super Heroes, who also happen to be two of my absolute favorite people on the planet. But I digress, Ladder Man, in a deeply Super Villain—deeply jerk move—broke my futzing leg. Small sidebar: he didn’t actually set my leg but I saw Doctor Mole at the hospital and that guy is just terrific, anyone that tells you he isn’t the best part of ‘The Mole Men of Los Angeles Reality Show’ is…well, they’re just plain wrong.

So. The Leg. Compound fracture. Healing time: 3 to 6 months. Total disaster.

And there we have it, after a solid little run of feeling like I was actually doing some good, I’m back to being stuck inside…can’t sew masks, can’t build websites, can’t donate blood, can’t donate money (did I mention I’m broke?), and can’t fight Super Villains. In fact, I’m more dependent than ever on the kindness of friends…and sometimes strangers…aka some guy that works in Ramone’s surf shop brought me a burrito today. Best burrito I’ve ever eaten. That man is a hero.

So I’m back to feeling useless. Or So. I. Thought.

Because the neighbor across the street from me is 100% a Super Villain and now I just have to convince Johnny that I’m right. This should go well. It starts when he finds that the floor by the window (and also his favorite jacket) are soaking wet.

“Kate, why is the floor all wet over here…and wait, what happened to my jacket?”

I wheel my seen-better-days wheelchair toward him, slightly sheepish, “Well. It’s a long story.”

“Ten words or less, please.”

“Ice arrow,” I say.

“All right. You can have more than ten words, explain.”

“I discovered that our neighbor across the street is a Super Villain, and in an attempt to expose him and thwart his evil plans I carved an arrow out of ice and shot it into his apartment.”

Johnny stares at me for a long moment, his mouth slightly open. “I have so many questions. Let’s start with why did you need an ice arrow? You have hundreds of arrows laying around, I am literally constantly getting stabbed by them.”

“Well, he’s got that huge window you see—with all those individual panes of glass. And I needed to break one of those panes…but I didn’t want there to be any evidence left behind that I had done that…so the ice arrow melts. Leaves nothing behind. Cool, right?”

“You learned this from a movie.” He says it. It’s not a question. I want to deny it but he knows me too well. Of course I learned it from a movie. He sighs, “I still don’t understand why it’s wet in here.”

“Well, carving an ice arrow is harder than you might think. A lot of trial and error.”

“Is that why you have eleventy billion Band-Aids on your hands?”

I forgot about the Band-Aids. I raise my hand, “Well, if you must know, some of them are from when I burned myself while making a grilled cheese sandwich earlier.”

“Okay, so you broke into this man’s house?”

I scrunch up my nose, “I feel like it’s more of a grey area than a clear break-in, but sure,” I shrug and shove a pair of binoculars at him, “Do me a favor though and take a good look.” Johnny raises the binoculars to his face and scans the villain’s apartment. A moment later he gasps and in excitement I do as well. “Did you see it!?”

He looks down at me, the binoculars still in his hands, “He has a whole huge closet full of …GASP!...toilet paper! DUN DUN DUN!” My smile fades. Johnny teases me, “Hoarding valuable supplies might make him a terrible member of his community, but I’m not sure it qualifies him as a Super Villain.”

I roll my eyes, “That’s not what you’re looking for dum-dum. Look again. To the left of the closet.”

Johnny scans again with the binoculars; I bump him, pushing the view left, “Left, I said!” After a long pause I can tell he’s found it, so I start babbling, “He’s got one of those creepy ‘Super Villain bulletin boards’ full of his plans—look there’s news articles, schematics, and notes all over…he’s even got little red strings connecting things!”

Johnny lowers the binoculars again, slowly this time. He looks over at me, expressionless and gesturing to the wall beside us, “You mean one of those crazy bulletin boards like this one of yours?”

I follow his gaze to my bulletin board and roll my eyes again, “Uh. That is clearly a crazy super hero bulletin board, not Super Villain. The differences are subtle but important.” His phone pings violently a few times and I try hard to talk over it, “For example my board has a bunch of low level thugs that I’m trying to tie to a bigger fish…whereas his board has the schematics of a local hospital, an insane number of articles on the pandemic, and--”

“Uh-huh,” he says unconvincingly while handing me back the binoculars, “Tell me this, Kate, if it’s really an evil bulletin board, why would he have it out in plain view…and with his shades wide open?”

I sit back in the chair, pleased with myself, “Well, you see, the bulletin board wasn’t visible. I saw just a peek of it last night when he was home looking at it…but then he covered it up with that drape when he left,” I gesture vaguely at the window and Fuse squints his eyes in that direction again. “And then this afternoon, after breaking the window pane with my first ice arrow, I used the second ice arrow to cut the cord to the drape. See how it’s fallen to the ground?”

Johnny squints at the apartment again, still not convinced. “So, you broke this man’s window and then wrecked some of his property because you saw the faintest hint of a Super Villain plan and--”

I interrupt him, waving my hands, “It doesn’t matter why I did it, I was right!”

Johnny glances down at his phone a finger raised that I should wait a moment. I huff out an impatient breath. When he’s done he looks at me. It’s a look full of kindness and compassion, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me. “Maybe he’s just a doctor, Kate.”

I frown deeply. “What doctor has a villain board, let alone schematics of his hospital?”

Johnny smiles at me as his phone keeps pinging, “We can talk more about this later but don’t do anything, okay?” He kisses me on the forehead and walks away from me.

“Wait! You’re leaving?” I roll after him, sliiiightly desperate.

Johnny turns back to me, “Kate. I know you’re going stir crazy in here, but you need to channel yourself in another direction, you already wrecked this guy’s window, don’t push it. It’s too easy for your imagination to run wild with this, but you gotta reign it in before you do something you can’t take back,” Johnny glances at his phone again, “I have to go deal with this horrible thing in Malibu, but I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

I sigh, defeated. And jealous that he gets to leave and deal with something horrible. I wish I could go deal with something horrible.

After the door closes I turn back to the apartment across the street, staring at his crazy villain board through my binoculars. “Guess I’ll just deal with something horrible from here,” I say to myself dramatically.

Four hours and six pop-tarts later I’m struggling to stay awake at my post by the window when my phone pings, jolting me back to full consciousness. A text from Johnny, sent…45 minutes ago!

JOHNNY: Maybe you’re right. It IS weird that a doctor would have schematics of his hospital. I’ll swing by his place on my way home and feel him out a bit. *heart emoji*

“Ahhhhh!” I scream and reach clumsily for the binoculars, which promptly fall off my lap, with my phone. As I reach for them, the light clicks on across the street. My villain is home. I click off my only light and stare. Johnny might need the binoculars, but my eyesight is as good as it gets, I’m a futzing Hawkeye after all. But my eyes are best when I’m holding a bow, so I raise it and nock an arrow for good measure.

Tracking my villain across his apartment feels so right…and also a little bit wrong. What if I am wrong?

My villain looks with a wrinkled brow at his bulletin board, now naked and exposed in his apartment. He moves to the fallen drape and picks it up, confused. He crouches down and touches his carpet—probably still a bit wet from my second melted ice arrow. The crease in his brow deepens and his eyes narrow. He finally clocks the broken windowpane. He comes to the window and examines it. And then he just looks out the window. Directly at my apartment. But it’s dark here and I don’t move. It’s not my first day.

He squints his eyes and it feels like he’s looking right through me. I don’t even breathe. He eventually turns his head and I exhale lightly. But I can’t help but gasp when I see him open his front door to reveal Johnny. Handsome and kind and just trying to do the right thing. A smile in his eyes since his mask covers the one surely on his mouth. Due to the mask I can’t read Johnny’s lips, a skill the other Hawkeye, Clint Barton, has taught me, but I imagine it’s something adorable and heroic, as is Johnny’s way.

The villain gestures him inside and it’s all I can do not to scream. Johnny, being the polite, and very strong guy that he is, goes inside, unafraid and trusting. Before he can even get all the way inside the villain slams a comically huge vase over his head. Johnny is down. I curse his kindness. He could have walked in there made of futzing vibranium…but he probably didn’t want to scare the guy, so he went in made of stupid, highly vulnerable, bones and blood.

Well, my villain has picked the wrong guy to hit from behind with a heavy object. As the villain rifles around in a cabinet (probably looking for something evil), I don’t even hesitate to fire my already nocked arrow. It slams into the fabric of his dress shirt and pins his shirt to the cabinet with a satisfying THWACK. He yells and I can hear it from here thanks to the broken window. He spins wildly trying to see who’s attacking him while also trying to wrench himself free of the cabinet.

As I nock another arrow he manages to spin out of his shirt. Now free, he moves as fast as he can to get away from the windows. I fire my second arrow. It’s not for him.

This arrow crashes violently through not just glass but some of the wood that holds the panes together. It’s a catastrophic structure failure and leaves a gaping open hole to his apartment. My villain looks up from under the arms he was using to protect himself, which is when I release my third arrow. It sails into his apartment almost happily and when it hits some of his cabinetry with a sharp ping it explodes into a hail of lights, temporarily blinding him.

My villain scrambles to his feet and I fire the fourth arrow. It hits him right in the chest. As intended. Safety Foam arrow has a harmless tip and then explodes into a sticky ..well…”safety foam” that—without help—he’ll still be struggling to get out of in three days. I watch for long seconds as my villain struggles and cusses and Johnny remains passed out on his floor. But Johnny is bleeding pretty badly. I pull another arrow and fire it across the street into the wall of the building. I anchor the other end in my apartment.

I grab my phone, re-secure my mask and with a considerable amount of effort heft myself, broken leg and all, out of my apartment window and onto the secured cabling line. Fortunately the villain’s apartment is slightly lower than mine, so with some painful but efficient scooching, I’m able to use my bow and slide down the line straight into my villain’s apartment. I bump up against his building with an impressive but painful thud and sort of half-toss myself off the line and into the apartment. I clear most of the glass. Ouch.

I crawl across the floor as my villain cusses at me and squirms. “Oh, just shut up!” I finally say as I inch past him in his slightly crunchy and slightly sticky safety foam prison. I get to Johnny and yank a towel down off the counter and press it to his bleeding head. He groans, I think, appreciatively.

I lay down next to Johnny, exhausted but pleased. I keep the towel pressed to his head and pull out my mobile phone and dial my very good friend that doesn’t think I’m annoying at all, Detective Rivera.

“Bishop. The world is in extreme crisis, make it fast.”

“I need you to come here…and bring an ambulance, I airdropped you my location.”

There’s a long pause, “This is across the street from your apartment. What have you done?”

“Saved the day, as per usual. I’m making a citizen’s arrest…or an off-duty Super Hero arrest—whatever, you can decide what the paperwork situation is—annnnyway, I am arresting this villain across the street from me that not only hit Johnny with a very heavy vase but also has detailed plans in his apartment about blowing up the hospital…apparently as a way of…” I roll my eyes and raise my voice, “…stopping the virus…is that right, sir?” My villain bangs his head lightly on the floor. He hates me.

Rivera sighs deeply on the other end, “Ambulance is on its way, Bishop. Walk me through the whole thing.”

“Well, you see, Rivera, it all began with this idea I had about ice arrows…”

                                                     FIN