#rambles a LOT lmfao sorry
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familiarity, the lack thereof, and the only way it could have ended.
the thing is, ultrakill is a very diegetic game. near everything, from the style meter to the bottomless arsenal to the shitass graphics themselves, are explained in some way by some in-universe fact.
so, what with violence and the implication that V1 was designed to counter earthmovers
what with 7-4 and the fact that it is a culmination of this implication
i wonder. when V1 looked up at that earthmover, did it know, with whatever passes for instinct in a machine, exactly what to do? and if it did, then, how is this conveyed to the player?
diegetic as the game is, how does it engineer a situation in which the player, themselves, knows exactly what they have to do?
the biggest factor, i think, is the fact that the earthmover's health bar appears the moment you lay eyes (or camera, or whatever) on it, and it does not leave until you have finally killed this colossus.
but this factor is much more subtle than it appears at first glance. yes, big honkin' boss healthbar on screen for the entire level, what more to it. there's a good deal more, it turns out.
first off- this is the shortest leadup by far to any bossfight in the game. you slide through a single vent, and you are greeted with benjamin right out in the open. even P-1, devoid of any other hazards as it is, gives you a long trek down the spinal staircase before you reach the flesh prison. 7-4 has none of it. you enter the level, you enter the stage, and there you have it. you know exactly what you are up against right from the outset, and it's not quite a feeling of familiarity but it tells you exactly what you have to do. which is the point of this all, isn't it?
7-4 is also... not a bossfight! it is a full level! it is a full level framed as a bossfight. the health bar frames this full complete level as a bossfight.
and on one hand, this is not new news. on the other hand, i think this is the crux of it. the thing is, most bossfights are near-to-entirely new. you do not know how the boss acts. you do not know their attack patterns. you do not know their capabilities. you are learning something new. levels, though, you have done a thousand times over and so the player knows how they need to play through this bossfight in a way that is not quite present with any other boss in the game.
the content of the level is new, of course, because that's how it goes. but you know the motions. you have done this for two acts prior, you know the motions. you know exactly what to do.
also! this level does not exist in a vacuum. what i am saying is this: the rest of violence layer shifts its storytelling and its tone and even its graphics. it is something completely new in contrast to the rest of the game. 7-4, though, returns to environments and graphics more akin to what you have experienced before, bringing you back to familiarity and again knowing what to do here in a way the rest of violence hasn't let the player experience.
one more thing about this level: it plays directly into expectations. which is something that the rest of the game actually does not tend to do.
the game, at base, is just not a typical FPS. it gives you movement like a roguelite or a platformer, it takes guns you expect to know the mechanics of and goes utterly wild with how far the archetype can be changed.
in a smaller scope, here is a comparison of the earthmover and the corpse of king minos as two separate colossal bosses foreshadowed in similar ways. and i mean, minos's bossfight isn't unprecedented in other works. but i think the thing that matters here is that you are not, in fact, the underdog as is the case with so many other bosses of its ilk. riven of many voices, destiny 2, similar bossfight similar scale. you are hiding from her you are a fireteam of many you are triumphing over a dragon larger than life. project gestalt, madness project nexus, you are pulling out every stop you can to take down something so far over your head (both literally and metaphorically). corpse of king minos- V1 looks up, stands its ground, and parries his god damn fist.
and the thing is, the earthmover plays into a different expectation, but it's playing into an expectation nonetheless. you look at this thing and you climb it and you dismantle it from within, like you have done in many games prior. you know what your goal is from the moment you see that healthbar and you hook onto the conspicuously placed hookpoints that tell you- you will climb this machine; you will fight your way up to whatever its core is and you will kill it. you play through the entire level with this expectation and you get exactly this expectation. you destroy its core and it begins a countdown, and so very many games have countdowns before the collapse of whatever level you have just beaten, and you know exactly what you have to do.
i don't know. i love diegetic storytelling. i love this level.
it's just familiarity, i think. this level runs off familiarity. it gives you, the player, things and tropes and designs you are familiar with. it signals to you that you should know what to do, and it lets you do exactly what you expect to do.
if i were any more cheesy i could absolutely end this by restating something about the only way it could've ended, but uh. i am not that cheesy. this time.
aw crud now i don't know how to end this oh well goodbye then
#ultrakill#ultrakill spoilers#idk dude i just saw someone say like. 'when v1 saw the earthmover do you think it knew what to do in a way itd never experienced before'#and i was like 'hmmmm ultrakill is a game that justifies a LOT of its story decisions in gameplay'#'i sure wonder how this one mighta been conveyed to the player'#and then i experienced a category 5 autism event in one of my friends' dms. thanks pory youre a real one#for listening to my giant fucking ramble while i was walkin down from the train station LMFAO#......also fuck i hope no one has written this before i amso sorry if i am just rehashing someone elses already written thoughts fffffuck.
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I spent something like six and a half hours in the hospital today so day 6 of my challenge is being further postponed but, in the lieu of not doing any drawing, I did end up rereading Ovid's Metamorphoses in between waiting and I just wanted to offer some of my favourite underrated bits.
Cadmus and Harmonia's twin transformations into snakes is so gentle? Cadmus goes first, transformed mid plea for his wife to caress him one last time before his face is completely covered in scales, then he rests gently between her boobs and wraps around her neck and shoulders like a big snake gorget. Harmonia follows him shortly and the two snakes intertwine with each other before gently slithering off into the bushes and I love that actually mwah mwah mwah (I also appreciate the sweet irony of Cadmus who slew a snake for his glory becoming a snake, toothless and gentle in the last of his days)
Everything about Perseus was hilarious. Like, I'm sorry - I've never done a lot of reading into Perseus but I did always remember the banquet massacre and the Andromeda rescuing and like, bro I know it's not meant to be funny but Perseus is funny. I think it's his politeness honestly? He goes up to Atlas and is like "hello kind sir, may I please stay a night in your lands? I've travelled an awful long way and I am weary and hungry. If you only accept noble guests, rest assured, I am of noblest birth and have completed the noblest of deeds. 🥺" and Atlas takes one look at him, has a That's So Raven vision about the one time Themis gave him a prophecy about a son of Jove stealing his apples and then told Perseus to kick rocks. So Perseus, like the well adjusted and noble individual that he is, turns Atlas into a mountain with Medusa's head. This is how a great many of Perseus' stories unfold. It is actually hysterical.
I am going to give a special shoutout to Athis and Lycabas who were two young lovers in attendance at Perseus and Andromeda's blood wedding. Athis died first - a skilled archer who never got to shoot and was burnt and bludgeoned across the face with a wedding brazier. When Lycabas saw that his dear friend's beauty was ruined, he picked up the fight against Perseus himself in Athis' name and was slashed to strips by Perseus' sword. Lycabas managed to drag himself over to Athis in his last moments and died beside him, so I thought that was a particularly touching bit of beauty in the otherwise extremely tragic blood wedding.
No one can ever make me feel bad for Niobe. In a lot of the Greek accounts I've read and heard, because they tend to be much shorter or references in a wider narrative, it's hard to really grasp how insanely disrespectful she was to Leto (not that her boasting she should be the goddess of motherhood to the actual goddess of motherhood isn't worthy of death and destruction enough) but Ovid really did go the extra mile to dig it home how far down her throat this lady put her foot because even at her sons' seven way funeral she did not stop boasting about how she was still glorious. I did find it interesting that the seemingly innocuous detail of Apollo killing off the boys first and then Artemis killing the girls was kept cross-culturally, I assume it's because boys were more auspicious than girls in both cultures.
The detail of Athena bonking Arachne constantly with a wooden box and her being transformed into a spider because she begged to not be bonked to death. Also very interestingly, in Ovid's account, it's not a clear victory for Athena against Arachne - she gets flustered at the depictions of her relatives' affairs and rips the tapestry up - the judges didn't actually get a chance to opine. This is in contrast to the contest the Muses sang about where their representative Calliope unilaterally won against the daughters of Pierus.
The account of Apollo and Marsyas was much shorter than I remember it being. I recall it being touted as one of the more vicious and visceral tales in Metamorphoses' collection but it included neither the details of Marsyas' contest against Apollo, nor Apollo's feelings (or even any dialogue from him!) throughout his peeling of Marsyas' skin. Instead it is wholly focused on Marsyas - on describing the physical gore of his exposed veins and contracting muscles and the grief of the rustic crowd as they mourned his loss - which is curious indeed since the entire theme of the poems of Book 6 is divine punishment and it is otherwise filled with rather full accounts of these contests and insults.
Byblis and Caunus made me want to reread Euripedes' Hippolytus for the twelve thousandth time. Caunus made the right call of course but I also very much hoped he would have a huge big speech about incest being bad instead of just smacking the messenger.
And lastly, for now, Jove's speech as Hercules lay burning atop his death pyre where he addresses the host of his gods and goes "Man, wasn't Hercules a great guy? Look, there goes all his mortal attributes burning away in the fire, now he is all my son and surely we are all in agreement that any divine son of mine deserves a place on Olympus :)" was very endearing. I always feel quite bad for Deianira because she truly didn't mean any harm by her gift and I've always wished for an account of Heracles/Hercules' death from her perspective. There could scarcely be a thing more awful, especially given how long and drawn out and incredibly painful Hercules' death was.
Lowkey, I want to take a day and compare Ovid and Euripedes' Medeas. They're both very different women and they both handle their situations very differently. Partially for my own vindication - I adore Medea and Jason equally and since popular fiction cannot speak about Medea without flattening her or making Jason completely monstrous, this is just one of those things I'll have to do myself sometime.
#ginger rambles#greek mythology#technically this is roman mythology and I am sorry but I'm not gonna tag it as such :(#ovid's metamorphoses#see if I wasn't on two diff types of medication rn I would make a statement about the way a lot of the earlier chapters of Metamorphoses use#deific figures as subtle mirrors of roman political figures#and how that connects to the pictures he sketches of especially Jove's boisterous speeches or Apollo's tenderness with his male lovers but#comparative carelessness with his female ones but that requires more braincells than I currently have to expend#I got kind of derailed chatting about Minerva bonking Arachne but the contest between the Muses and the Pierids was actually really cool and#I recommend people read it - I especially like that Calliope's response to the sisters' callous song about how Olympus lost to the Titans#was to sing songs of the Demeter - the earth from which life springs - losing her daughter to a period of darkness and eventually#getting her back after great tribulations#of course to me it's a no contest - I greatly prefer the Homhym to Demeter but Calliope's song of Ceres and Proserpina#was more pleasant than I recall#or maybe it's just because I have Rex Warner's awful Men and Gods version of the tale emblazoned in my brain from Lower 6 literature lmfao#ovid
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the soulless eyes, the expressions (¯▿¯)
#the only time afo really does have genuine expressions#is when he's thinking a lot LMFAO#this is afo's time so i'm sorry if i don't shut up about him#i have very mixed feelings about this battle ngl#but that is a ramble i will save for another post#people out there really saying afo should have kept red eyes#like hell no they have to look soulless and dead and inhuman :')#i just love him a normal amount#and i'm glad mutuals out there exist who are interested in writing with him!#* ⟢ ALL FOR ONE ( visage )#// mha spoilers
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if i do "?" in text i'm genuinely tilting my head like a dog if i do "!!" my eyes are sparkling and i am figuratively wagging my tail if i am IN ALL CAPS i'm screaming from the top of a mountain with all the power i can with love and the strength of RAGHHH within me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry guys. i will not shut up.#honestly i really miss it here on tumblr SNIFFS ..... i say this sm tho but damn real/offline life has really been fun <33#anyway. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow me#very good day ty to those who greeted me anywhere or even just liked a post as a little hi hbd or just acknowledgement ya know arghhh arghhh#I'M SO TIRED NOW ACTUALLY i'm on 5 battery but watch me keep talking (writing) some more#i'm insane btw i went out w friends earlier this tuesday (love them sm) and then. they pitched in to buy me the origin of species bcs i've#been wanting the book LMFAO AS A BDAY GIFT IDK IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME BUT GENUINELY I'M SO HAPPY (NERD) <333#and today i've talked a lot again w one best friend and another of my dearest friends and another too and idk fun day fr#okay i shut up now#that's a lie btw who knows when i will shut up#i might shut up now actually actually#actually i like rambling it's so fun teehee#BUT YEAH TY AGAIN ... genuinely makes me so happy i feel so giddy i was scared today would turn out bad and hey it isn't perfect but to me#it kinda is. in its own way. imperfectly perfect ^_^ <3 yeehaw!!
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So, you are one of my favorite writers
I love your writing so much. Im a huge fan of Ouroboros. It's almost nostalgic for me at this point. The way your work makes me feel is so incredible. It chills me to the bone in a way that nothing I've ever read before does.
And i really hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable that I like your fics so much
I thought I'd try to explain the way your writing makes me feel
Your writing feels like the way darkness prickles sometimes like tv static in your vision, and like looking down a dark endless hallway, and like being in caverns so deep underground that it's almost like the surface isn't real. Your writing is like talking by a campfire when you can't see beyond its glow, it's like the deep chilling quiet being broken by the crunch of leaves under your feet, and the ringing in your ears when your so alone that the silence begins to speak.
Thank you for writing, because your work is a hidden gem that I'm so happy I found
hi idk what to say except WOW HOLY SHIT THANKS sorry i'm really bad at responding to stuff like this but these kinds of messages make me so so happy!! this is probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about my writing and i already know I'm gonna come back and reread this a lot <3
#oh also! if u liked ouroboros there's some other medias that you'd probably also like#piranesi by susanna clarke for sure#it's about two guys stuck in a giant building that's alive#and it's got a lot of abuse/gaslighting but it's such an uplifting story like unironically#stories about survival and choice my beloved...and also Alive House lmfao fghjhgf#it's WAY WAY better than anything i could ever write but it was a big inspiration to me#also definitely anatomy by kittyhorrorshow = v short indie game about exploring...a house... hehe#ummm sorry i'm rambling#anyway thanks for sending this i will literally come back and reread it when i'm feeling discouraged fghgf#i still read my ao3 comments sometimes#<3 <3 <3 <3 <3#asks#ouroboros
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i hate mfers that keep mischaracterizing river just because his storyline got fucked over, which fucked over his romance too.
especially people complaining that he's flirty even when you're taken, but that's an issue with literally ALL the romances.
#'he's creepy and pushy!!!' girl i had to deal with panam putting her legs on my v and flirting with him even though he's gay#yet i dont see anybody complain about her#like both romances flirt with you in their romance starting missions bc theyre letting you romance them both if you want#im not sure if its just all talk about river originally being in takemuras place but you can tell stuff got cut or rewritten a LOT#both him and kerry kind of feel like they lack content in comparison to female romances#which is probably bc they feel too far removed from the main story#ive seen people getting so upset that river looked up a recipe for the dinner mission but i thought it was SO cute#like his romance is soooo cute :((#the main complaint i have aside from him not having enough missions between his nephew storyline and the romance-#-is that there's not enough differences between his lines with fem v vs male v#like on my first playthrough i tried to kiss him on the damn watertower bc i thought he was flirting with me TvT#his personality has nothing to do with the fact that they didnt put enough missions in his storyline#or the fact that ALL THE ROMANCES continue to flirt with you even if youre taken#kwyoz.txt#kwyoz.rambles#cyberpunk rambles#i dont wanna throw this in main tags#so im sorry if it ends up in them anyways lmfao#im just so annoyed how anytime people talk good about river theres people coming in strictly to shit talk him#like bruhhh#anyways imo i think river shouldve been a bi romance and they shouldve had a different straight woman romance#i would say takemura shouldve been the straight woman romance instead but then id be depressed that i cant romance him as a man#anyways#enough rambling
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hi Ai!! I wanted to ask if you could yap about your streamer!sanemi fic >u< I'd love to hear what you have in mind for it, whatever you want to share!
HIIIIIIII ZEEEEEEEEEEE oh my god meow ok im gonna put it under the cut cause its a lot
i read a poem on tiktok by @/whispersintheabyss (its their yin and yang poem, day 20/21). its originally a mlm poem but the tldr is that the protag goes to a diner bc their mom set up a date for them, but a random person keeps the protag company while their date is late. eventually the protag and person fall in love (it's a lot more than this, but this is just a brief overview)
ive been talking with my friends about dating and life recently, especially since one of my friends is feeling really pressured by her parents to find a partner. ive had my own talks with my mom, and that whole topic abt love and marriage and dating feels very... heavy and stressful. ive also been struggling with direction in life (no college, no job), so i wanted to write smth that people could relate to! facing all these big decisions and feeling like youve fallen short of something you couldve been. im rambling a bit, but i promise ill get to the streamer part soon ><
i kind of want to emulate the whole 'arranged date' and 'run in with a stranger' thing with reader and sanemi, where streamer!sanemi feels bad watching reader wait for their date. i was also thinking of maybe reader being a casual viewer of sanemi's streams, so they recognise him and kind of laugh at the coincidences. i want them to find comfort in each other, e.g. late nights where reader can't sleep and they watch sanemi's streams to feel less lonely, or sanemi is feeling overwhelmed with the need to perform on stream so they feel relaxed being just himself around the reader
maybe i'll throw in a bit of streamer drama... i've been around these sorts of social circles so i have a fair idea of what happens (LOL)... it's probably gonna be slowburn (im sorry im such a sucker for exploring the developing dynamics of a relationship), i really want to emphasise reader's struggle to get their life back 'together' and the strains of having a viewer become more than just a face in the crowd for sanemi
this is just a huge thought so idk if i'll actually have the strength to do it... im already running out of steam for office romcom (though i swear its just the next arc that's hard to write) buttttttt i'll do my best!!!! i wanted to write a whole bunch of fics that would fit in my 'in every universe' series. i realised i never really explained, but i wanted to write about how sanemi never prioritises his own happiness in the canon timeline. its always his family, genya, masachika, never himself in the front seat. so, every fic under the series is supposed to be a separate timeline where sanemi finds his own happiness and soulmate :3 including office romcom, including this streamer fic, and a whole bunch of other one shots i have planned
#tysm for asking omg im sorry i rambled so much#but hopefully this makes sense#LMFAO#ive been having a lot of Big Emotions#so thats why i say this is half a vent fic#ty for showing interest#and ty for reading through this!!!!!!!!!!!!#— angels! 👼#— in every universe 🎀
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↳ current household! (1/2)༉‧₊˚✧
bridgette pope (she actually has the crystal crafter aspiration but i could not find a png of the icon to save my life)
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ some yapping about her under the cut :3
so when i was making my current household, she was the second sim i made and i didn't really have a vision for her other than i wanted a cutie girly pop girl to play with. i had just bought crystal creations so i decided to use her to play with it! eventually i had the idea that her novels would be based on different crystals, their properties, & how to use them. she got into the writer career and when she advanced to the level where you choose the branch, i chose journalist, since she's nosy LOL. during her career she would also craft jewelry & gemstones and sell them on plopsy or the occasional table sale. one day while she was at work there was a pop-up about writing an expose piece on the mayor, but she would step down from the journalist career, as well as gained fame. i could have chose to not do that and keep her job, but of course i didn't LMAO. i put her in the freelance writer career after that so she could be titled as a writer but i mainly just focused on her working on the gemology skill, as well as the cooking skill - which she has mastered now! i also just bought the home chef hustle pack, so obviously i made her play through that too LOL but she ended up completing the appliance whiz aspiration!
she's a 2-star celebrity now, but honestly i don't think she necessarily cares that much; she's fine if she's famous, fine if she's not! tbh slay queen. but after a little bit of the freelance writer career with a few gigs here and there i decided to have her switch her specialty to freelance photographer! i don't think i've ever used that option so that's rly the only reason i chose that, plus i always use her to take group pics w the mosquito stuff tripod so she gained some skill from that.
since she mastered the cooking skill, i'm having her work on the baking skill now! i plan on converting the food stall she has to be one focused on sweet treats.
these are her likes; i always forget to set these in cas so i usually just let them discover it through gameplay.
her skills (click to see full pic) & bonus traits!!
finished feather collection hehe. this was actually pretty easy lolz
this household has 2 cats and 1 dog
crystal collection.... soooo close *cries*
last but not least, she's dating candy behr! i gave her a major makeover so i may post cas pics at some point, if not you'll see her in some gameplay posts in the future.
if you read all of this thank u for letting me ramble about my silly little character and i love u ♥
#sorry i may have rambled a lot im passionate#LMFAO#ts4#sims 4#simblr#ts4mm#maxis match#my sims#sapphy rambles#ts4 maxis match#current household#bridgette#sims 4 mm#sims 4 maxis match#ts4 edit
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ayo chat i have a deltarune au i never made a reality(mainly abt the secret bosses´ insanity stuff like that) and whenever im bored or some shit i write a piece of dialog from that and (sometimes) draw it or code it to make it look real. i sometimes look at it and think ´damn that´s fucked up´ ...uh- yeah it´s rlly fun to do tbh highly recommended tbh
here are some examples from long ago ig
also stupid ramble ahead so be warned ooo
yh its abt my babies
yes there´s trauma
am i cringe and unoriginal? absolutely
i might remake a random ahh scene for the sillies and stuff
oh and btw it was called Story Of The Discarded or smth idk
i used to work on it but now im using it as practise material only
or i just completely forget abt it there´s no inbetween
not sure if i´m ever gonna make it a thing though i already have my game(the one on the top, Sorrow)
anyways yeah my very epic rambles
cya
#AL shut up#deltarune au#lmfao im so sorry but its the sad truth#I DO THIS#THEREFOR I AM CRINGE#AND FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#jevil deltarune#spamton#also silly fact from ya boi:#i uh randomly started dreaming abt it in full detail(i somehow remember it i have this with a lot of dreams including the one for my game)#and it never left my mind and sometimes made me think: damn thats depressing#im rambling too much abt this au i need to shut up
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i think nithvinn should go on archery dates. what au is this intended for? yes.
#; the citrus speaks#; healing hands#i am spinning my irritation into a positive and it's that i think this would be cute#what is love if not splitting arrows#does nithral already Archery in modAU?#DO THEY EVER JUST ACCIDENTALLY GO TO THE SAME RANGE AND DO THE SPIDERMAN POINTING MEME#LIKE THEY JUST STUMBLE UPON EACH OTHER BEFORE YAEVINN MOVES IN WITH NITHRAL AND THEY'RE LIKE WAIT A FUCKING SECOND#anyway im being a lil silly#i just started thinking about nithral and yaevinn doing archery things#honestly some of my favorite nithvinn/pre-nithvinn moments are them splitting arrows#one of my favorites is them splitting an arrow in an apple and yaevinn being like “y'know i feel like this is a pattern” and nithral just-#-being like “well I wasn't gonna say it but” and yaevinn being like “.///. oh”#but also one of the first times (maybe?) nithral did split yaevinn's arrow and yaevinn pretty much went “OH NO HE'S HOT”#god i love them#also back muscles appreciation post#like do they see each other's back muscles and just go “😳”#not even just in modAU but in canon too lmfao#GOD wait and if they DO find each other at an archery range by accident in modAU does that also apply to their soulmate AU#okay okay okay sorry im thinking a lot about this#; lemon's inane ramblings
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answering this in an ask cuz yeah it' easier anyways kaveh because (1) you're a writer /j and (2) i feel you're kinda ambitious and you seem to have a lot of creative ideas in your head i really admire
personality wise or vibes you're probs haitham ☠️ you don't give a shit HAHAHAAH + you did say you're kinda antisocial so hmmmm + you're really straightforward
watch me just accidentally straight up mischaracterise you
HAHA yeah i definitely count my creativeness as one of my best traits. i was always in an environment where i could be as wild and creative and imaginative as i wanted bc my mom always supported and nurtured that side of me.
though, i did have one teacher in middle school who tried to shut that part of me down and told me to “grow up.” i’m glad i never listened to her bs.
when kaveh went on a whole tangent abt his life falling apart, it def hit way too close to home for me, so i do see a little of myself in him + we r a bit similar! esp bc we both start projects we know we won’t be able to finish 😭
on the topic of alhaitham… the only similarities between us r that we’re both autistic LOL 💀 the headphones, the not wanting to be bothered, the bluntness, etc.
IM A FAKE IDGAFER, I AM WAYYYY TOO SENSITIVE LMAO, like i fr cant take jokes sometimes and my irls know that and r super understanding. i rlly hated middle school bc ppl would always say to me “why cant u take a joke”, so then i started masking 🙃
#this might come as a shocker but im actually not straightforward 😭#i tend to keep my thoughts to myself a lot#but that’s mostly a biproduct of consequence bc i used to be incredibly straightforward but then got told off#by my parents bc i was hurting others’ feelings (i srsly had no filter as a kid but that was bc of my autism)#so i learned to keep shit to myself and rlly think things thru before i say anything bc some things can come off as rude or insensitive#and i have to watch the way i say things sometimes (tone wise) bc ppl assume im being rude when i actually just have a monotone voice#kinda like alhaitham in that way ig. do see a bit of myself in him but that’s only cause of the autistic traits#ILL STOP RAMBLING NOW LMFAO SORRY#— [ 🪽 ] ; temple visitors.#visitor: wysty!
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sometimes i can’t decide if i need to curate my experience with things or if i’m just being an intolerant bitch who needs to do better LOL
#rambles.#dumping my thoughts. sorry. they plague me#this is not a vague or anything btw just something that continues to cross my mind#like i want to be an accepting/understanding person and whatnot#and i like to be friendly and don’t want to be exclusionary in any way#but idk. i have Limits. like too many limits lmfao#at least on what i can tolerate consistently#i have just overall never integrated well in broader social spheres/ecosystems#not for a lack of skill necessarily (i can be friends and be chill with several people) but simply because i See Things#and i often don’t enjoy them. and idk how to cull my frustration.#and i don’t like to play social games. etc.#but sometimes where i’m at in life doesn’t match up with others. which is normal#i’ve also just dealt with a lot and my patience is even thinner than it used to be#but idk. it makes me feel kinda like shit. i guess i’m just not at the proper stage yet#i should stop talking but idk sometimes i gotta let it all fly !!!!!!#dear diary and all that
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I know I don't really need to justify myself to anyone and also I guess this doesn't even meet the standard of allowing me to ""reclaim"" them but whatever. I try not to talk abt it too much bc I know it makes me look A Way but the goth punks hit like . Really hard for me lmfao. This fixation had got me thinking a lot about how my high school experiences and it fucks me up going through lca because like. Man. I've Met These Kids.
Our school was like Really bad at handling the topic of violence (which is why I find ps so cathartic in the first place) so a lot of kids just kind of like casually joked about shootings because everyone was so desensitized to it. And a lot of those kids were people who were picked on and fell down rabbitholes of encouraged violence as a result, or people who were abused from a young age and saw hurting other people as an outlet. Hell I was the social outcast weeb that got adopted by a bunch of edgelord goths and did what I could to stay in their good graces that LITERALLY happened to me in real life LMAO. Luckily things rarely evolved beyond morbid jokes and the one time they did it was quickly nipped in the bud but man. Man
I know I am not supposed to look at these kids and take them seriously if anything you're supposed to absolutely hate them in the base game because theyre doing something absolutely fucking Mindnumbingly horrible but man. Man. If you subscribe to Mindchamber's Word then these kids were all also 13. They were being actively manipulated by a evil fascist alien who ultimately saw them as expendable. If you want to take the things Pico's been through and treat it like legitimate trauma when it was all also just supposed to be dark humor then the same can be done w the goth punks ig
Idk writing them as normal teenagers in my lca au and giving them redemption arcs in my fnf au is therapeutic to me as someone who "fell in with the wrong crowd" as a teenager and also still feels a lot of sympathy for said "wrong crowd". Maybe that's weird but whatever my whole life is weird. Dies
#sorry for the long ass ramble i am talkative this morning apparently#long post#gun violence tw#school shooting tw#<- for topics in post#i feel like i had more to say in the tags but i forgot which is probably good because ive already said a lot LMFAO#real oversharing hours /lh i might delete this later#💛
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@xplosionbomb.
starter call!
IT'S NO SECRET THAT CHIAKI IS a bit of an oddball among their classmates. sure, she gets along with everyone well enough — especially ochako and mina, loud and bubbly and easy to match with her own uptick in energy, and midoriya, a fellow strategizer whose mind moves just as fast as her own. but alone, there is something of a distance to her: either she's staring, mismatched eyes wide and attentive, taking in every detail of a companion's battle tactics to add to her inner database of strategies, or she's staring off into space in a glassy, awestruck reverie, as if she's miles away from everyone else.
in truth, it's hard to stay grounded when possibility stretches out in an endless tapestry all around you.
but there are some people who can shake her out of it simply by existing nearby, and the familiar footsteps that echo into her range of hearing belong to one of them. chiaki isn't afraid of bakugou, not anymore. upon gathering for the entrance exams, his was a face she recognized instantly from the worst days of her middle school bullying, before she transferred schools and started tinting stark-white hair, eyelashes and brows black to fit in better. not that the albinism was the only, or even primary, thing she was teased about: being poor, having a quirk they thought was silly ( what do you mean threads? you gonna wrap villains up in a blankie? ), the strange, drifting way about her that sharpened into focus at seemingly unpredictable times.
never mind that she was an award-winning dancer and gymnast at the age of twelve. as if that mattered.
midoriya's face she recognized too. not as sharply as bakugou's meanmugging, but an echo of a boy with no quirk who was never mean to her. she's glad to see him glow so bright now — she'd always wanted to talk to him more before she transferred.
at bakugou's footsteps, she no longer flinches the way she used to. instead, there is that minute sharpening of the faraway air about her. the glassy, doll-like stare goes calm and focused as she regards him from where she stands at the window, waiting for her tea to cool on an end table nearby.
❝ oh hey, bakugou-san. what are you doing up at this hour? ❞
#ic.#chiaki threads.#xplosionbomb#{ HIIIIIII#me coming up with a mha verse for her on the fcking spot AKHFSUDISDJHSD#i left it vague as to whether katsuki was actually involved with the bullying or not bcs i didnt wanna godmod! salutes#i feel like in battle she's very much a strategist — generally she's a good leader and sticks to range fighting; crowd + battlefield contro#probably a lot of potential that she doesn't tap into bc she knows her role and sticks to it KJSDHKHSD but.#100% sees and respects katsuki's tactician brain. game recognizes game. they might end up butting heads bc she's the type#to give delegations / orders on the battlefield so. yknow. SJKDHKJHDKHSD SO THERE MIGHT BE BICKERING THERE BUT#YEAH HI EXCITED TO WRITE WITH U AS ALWAYS <3 }#{ tbh i feel like she had to transfer schools because she snapped + messed up one of her bullies and her parents were like ahahha okbyeeee#{ OK ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING IM GONNA MAKE AN ACTUAL VERSE POST NOW LMFAO thanks for catalyzing it <3 }
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Once again feeling lost and awful and kind wanna d*e but ngl the Justice Coachella set has single-handedly given me a reason to keep going. I’m so happy to be on the same planet as my favorite musicians
#lots of feelings mostly being upset and angry at the world at how awful I feel#and also hating myself#but music always comes in and saves me in a weird way. inspires me and keeps me going#even if shit fucking sucks rn I got an album to look forward to and several other albums that came out this year as well to listen to#shout-out eliminate rezz gesaffelstein and justice for unironically saving my life lmfao#idk I hate it here truly I do and so many ppl around me are suffering and so much terrible shit is going on#but the arts; music specifically; keep reminding that maybe life is worth living#idk#sorry to ramble#bird babbles#I hope y’all are okay. I really really do
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Ppl still be calling Sasuke abusive, it’s crazy to me-
#I will defend him for the rest of my life I’ll be old in a senior citizens building still on tumblr writing long essays about him#sorry he’s so awesome#how does anyone read or watch the entire series and come out thinking that#🧍🏾♀️…#his character is all about love bro#literally the only ppl who get his character are sasuke fans and like about half of sns fans (most of them mischaracterize the shit out of#both of them to hell so that’s why I say at least half lmfao)#the dudebros only see him in a meta sense#Sakura fans act like it’s his fault that she’s miserable and still sucks when she was the one who forced herself on him and he just gave in#because he’d already felt guilty about what happened before and the story (idk why kishimoto did that shit because it made no sense for his#character) had his ass feeling bad about what he did when he was always right from the very beginning#gaslighting a genocide survivor is crazy#a lot of sns fans do this as well so again that’s why I said HALF lmfao#it’s so ugly bro#there’s sm more but I don’t want to talk about it rn it just annoys me sm#rambling
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