#quotes by john mulaney

[rigorwhoretis]

“what’s your tumblr?” not unless you get real cool with a bunch of stuff really quickly

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Jason: Hey do you remember that time you asked me for help?

Tim:

[crookedmime]

Like he wanted me to set him up with somebody.

[louisferrignojr]

the old guard + john mulaney quotes [extended edition]

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 1:

(Part 2 3 4)

Alastor: I made a salad with craisins!

Charlie, about Vaggie: She and I have totally different styles. When my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero. When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. My wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.

Lucifer: Also, I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her so much.

Vaggie: Shut up, you’re all gonna die. Street smarts!

Angel: I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.

Niffty: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you?

Husk: Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014! I just all day long I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.

Sir Pentious: Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?

[montic0]

The Apothecary Diaries

It's almost funny how canon this is

[sweaters-and-vertigo]

indiana jones whenever he sees mad mikkelsen:

[obscurelittlebird]

[allastoredeer]

I never thought about it, but you're right! Alastor has strong John Mulaney Energy.

To the point where I can absolutely see this: Angel: *Holding an odd looking antique bottle with amber liquid that was tucked in the back of the hotel bar counter.*

"Hey, do you think this is alcohol or perfume?"

Alastor: *Already more than a little tipsy. Snatches the bottle, pops the stopper, and chugs the whole thing in less than 30 seconds.*

"....Perfume."

*Crashes to the floor.*

God, I need to draw or make an animatic of Alastor with John Mulaney skits. You know the one about the kid who stole family photos? I can imagine that between Alastor and Lucifer, and all the family photos are of the Morningstar family. He’s even got that huge portrait in there.

And Lucifer just: why

[howfrightening]

Trevor: I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her, that is not true!

Trevor: My wife is a bitch and I like her so much!

[dubblebubbleibuprofen]

The Berzattos

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Jason Todd, getting 'surprise adopted' by Batman, who is apparently also Bruce Wayne, the lovable idiot billionaire:

[tf2incorrectquotes]

Fritz: You know those days when you're like, "This might as well happen."

[westanovencleaner]

thinking about how jason grace spent his entire life running from responsibility while the world around him boxed him in with responsibility to the point where he was forced to accept it and just fucking die

[autumnmobile12]

Let me tell you I cannot wait to analyze the hell out of how Trevor and Richter process grief differently.

On the one hand, we have Trevor the emotional burnout who took the unhealthy road of, “I’m gonna keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die,” while frequently finding oblivion at the bottom of a tankard.

And based on what we've seen in the teaser and official trailer, now we have Richter who seems to have bottled everything up inside like a fizzy drink and someone has shaken the bottle.  And maybe thrown it at a wall, who knows?

Alucard: I hope you haven't been doing all this sober.

Richter: Alcohol dulls the mind. I refuse to partake.

Alucard: ....I commend you and your healthy liver, but are you okay?

[uncorrectintamed]

Wen Yuan: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.