#quit it with your misogyny and queerphobia!!!!

[ellearts]

Lesbian misportrayal in TV shows are NOT FIINEEEEEEE

[lgbtlunaverse]

I've been wrestling with two beliefs I hold simultaneously but that I previously (incorrectly) thought were contradictory: that sexuality is inherently harmless, but also that specific kinds of sexual desire have been used to enact and justify grievous harm. The notion that men's sexuality is more important than women's consent, that white men's sexual access to white women must be protected from the "threat" of men of color, the idea that this specific kind of desire is so inherent to a proper society that if you have the wrong kind of sexuality you deserve to be shunned and harmed.

How can sexuality both be inherently harmless and measurably harmful?

Anyway, the answer is very easy, and part of why I feel like we should stop treating sex as something completely unlike other things and horniness as unlike all other emotions. Because I realized that, oh, right, this happens to other feelings too.

You know another feeling that is not inherently dangerous but is frequently used to enact and justify violence? Fear.

Fear is not inherently evil. Not even if it's irrational and your level of fear does not correspond to the level of danger you're actually in. In fact, irrational fears are such a common phenomenon we literally have a word for them: phobias. Which you are not evil for having. (Am I calling phobias the fear equivalnet of kinks? Kind of... I guess)

But fear and discomfort are used all the time to harm people. Let's say some random white woman is walking home late at night, and she notices a man is following her. This man might just be walking in the same direction by coincidence, but there's a small chance he's following her on purpose. It is quite natural for the mind to wander, and we frequently fear what we do not know. Discomfort or fear, in this situation, is neither inherently harmful nor unusual. However, if this white woman has been inundated her whole life with 'stranger danger' narratives and stories of women being brutally kidnapped, assaulted, and murdered by strangers. (Even though the vast majority of female victims are killed by someone they know, most often a romantic partner or family member) and she then, by the flash of a streetlight, spots that the man following her is black, and she has also been fed a narrative that black men are inherently violent and dangerous, that feeling of discomfort is enhanced and distorted until she believes she is in genuine danger and calls the police.

Statistically speaking, that guy really was just walking in the same direction, and is unlikely to be a threat. However she has now seriously endangered him, and justified it by the fact that she was scared.

A man justifying sexual assault because he couldn't help it, he was just so attracted to her. (And she led him on! She was barely dressed!) Is weaponizing his horniness in exactly the same way as people who call the authoroties on a disabled homeless person because they were "acting weird" are weaponizing their fear.

And all emotions can be weaponized this way. Anger is used to justify domestic violence ("you shouldn't have provoked me") Happiness and fun is used to jeoparidize safety (the last 30 years of olympic games have had a death toll among construction workers of over 116. The 2022 world cup alone has an officially admitted death count of 40, but the real cost is likely in the hundreds) disgust is used so often it's hard to restrict it to a single example (queerphobia, ableism, fatphobia, racism, misogyny, it's everywhere)

Sexual desire is just one way among many where the comfort of the powerful is valued above the safety of the opressed. It's not unique, but instead painfully common. And it's useful to keep this in mind not to devalue it or deny it's happening, but because we can borrow tactics and learn from similar situations rather than getting stuck on endless debates on whether porn is intrinsically evil or not, which will get us nowhere.

[cringeworms]

I'm writing an analysis of gender performativity in The Silence of the Lambs for my gender and sexuality class and in the course of my research I have encountered so many bad takes!! I can't not say anything so I've come to Tumblr to rant.

The most common criticism I see is that the ending of "Hannibal" discredits, undoes, or diminishes Clarice's feminism, autonomy, or power, or that it ruins the message of SOTL. That indicates a complete misunderstanding of Clarice and the point of the books! The point of "Hannibal" is to show that it does not matter how amazing, powerful, or how much of a feminist you are: if you are a woman in a career, especially a federal career, the system is designed to put you down and keep you quiet. I think there is nothing more she could have done and nothing she could have done differently to prevent her disgrace. When the system is set up to put men in power and keep them in power, your talent and integrity do not matter if they decide they don't want/need you anymore. There is nothing she can do to prevent the label of "female officer" from haunting her credibility. Even Crawford, who respects her and fights for her, sees her with the caveat of "woman." The one man who does not consider her gender any sort of detriment or a reason to treat her differently is Hannibal Lecter. They have genuine mutual respect. When she chose to be with him, she chose respect, love, and comfort over a life of fighting to be recognized, respected, or listened to. Just as much as it is respectable for women to fight for their right to be recognized in their careers, we must also recognize that that fight should not need to exist in the first place. So, why should there be any shame about choosing not to fight that fight anymore? She spent years in an uphill battle, and she probably never would have escaped it (to no fault of her own!). The ending of "Hannibal" is Clarice raising a middle finger to the system, the FBI, misogyny, and the patriarchy by recognizing that she deserves unconditional love and respect and that the system she fought so hard for was, in fact, completely undeserving of her talent or presence. Her decision is powerful and empowered!

"She was brainwashed!" she literally wasn't. Hannibal tried that (I believe because he was so unfamiliar with the idea of love or family that he didn't know how to understand Clarice outside of the lens of Mischa) but he was unsuccessful. If she was able to resist his efforts of brainwashing while in an altered state she certainly had the strength of mind to make her own decisions. Her decision was not impulsive. Also, I think it serves as a testament to her influence and power over him. She gained control of the situation and he didn't resist that. Ultimately, Clarice chose to spend the rest of her life with the one man who ever truly saw her as more than just a woman, who admired her intellect, and who respected her enough to challenge her. That is not weak, submissive, or misogynistic. Quite the opposite. She chose to leave behind the life she put years of effort into building (because she knew it would be fruitless) in favor of being finally honored and appreciated. That takes courage! She knew her worth, and she knew the FBI didn't deserve her.

Also, anyone who paid any attention to the books saw the romantic tension throughout the story. It didn't come out of nowhere. She really just needed an opportunity or an excuse to be with him, and she was finally presented with it.

I think reading the ending to "Hannibal" as anything other than empowering is a mischaracterization of both Clarice and Hannibal and shows a lack of understanding of the message of the books. I think it reflects a shallow understanding of not only the books, but of how feminism operates IRL (especially during the 80s/90s).

I also must give the disclaimer that I do not think these books are epitomes of feminism or representation. The transmisogyny, racism, queerphobia, etc., are obviously inexcusable. Just because I interpret their message as a story of caution about how misogyny operates, and how it is respectable to choose a path that does not work within that system, does not mean I agree with everything presented in them or any of their harmful rhetorics or stereotypes. I have a STRONG love/hate relationship with these stories and I don't ever mean to undersell the "hate" part of that lol.

[teaveetamer]

How does Raxis's orientation, gender, and skin color matter? And why does yours matter?

Why does me being a queer woman matter when a cishet white man accuses me of being queerphobic and misogynist?

Assuming you're the anon Ezra keeps getting who is complaining about us pointing out his age (since I got this right after I reblogged one of those), you probably read his blog right? Considering Raxis claims to be such a great progressive ally and co-opts all that progressive language, I'd think people who follow him would understand why this is so important?

Okay, I'll be very clear, cut because this got long, I'm not repeating it ad nauseum after this post.

His gender, sexual orientation, and race wouldn't matter if he hadn't made it matter. Raxis is not only a bully, he's a bully who constantly appropriates the language of social justice. My very first direct interaction with him was literally me calling his ass out for using the murder of Roe v. Wade as a bludgeon to win a fandom argument. Which happened, like, right the fuck after that decision came down and most women in America were fucking traumatized from literally having our rights stripped from us. And I wish our relationship ended at that "apology" but he hasn't changed and he keeps doing it.

He is the one who consistently accuses me (and other women) of being misogynistic and having internalized misogyny. He is the one who consistently accuses me (and other queer folk) of being queerphobic. He is the one who accuses BWIIDT (who is mixed race) for being out of line for thinking Cap (another white man!) has written racist elements into his fic (unintentionally or not). He consistently uses our oppression as a justification for why it should be okay for him to bully us.

If you are going to use our identities as part of your justification for harassing us, then we have every right to point out that these are identities that we hold and you don't. We have every right to point out that the opinions of a cishet white man about misogyny, queerphobia, racism, etc. do not matter as much as ours because you have never fucking experienced it like we have.

The role of allies is to amplify voices in spaces where we are not respected (e.g. with other cishet white men), not to lecture marginalized people for being "bad queers" or "bad women" from your throne of privilege.

It's especially fucking slimy because he pretends to be super progressive live and in concert, but when he slinks back to his buddies he laughs at us for being upset about being misgendered:

(Yes because you repeatedly misgendered me for months and only started correcting yourself and your anons when I called your shit out. You are literally "the misgendering type" but it's cute how you tried to act like I was being unreasonable for wanting the basic human respect of being referred to by my proper pronouns)

Accuses us of trying to hide behind "identity politics" when we're talking about the fucking oppression we face:

(Always a great sign when a cishet white man accuses queer women of "trying to use identity politics as a shield" when they're talking about their own fucking oppression. An even better sign when a cishet white man brags about "out identity-politicking" queer women when they're telling you to stop fucking throwing their oppression back in their faces. Whining about "identity politics" whenever marginalized groups try to voice anything is frankly such an alt right dogwhistle in itself at this point and I genuinely hope he's just not aware of it.)

Bullies queer women on his side who disagree with him and try to say basically exactly what I'm saying right now. That straight men can't appropriate the language we use to describe our oppression:

(usernames censored for the privacy of those being harassed and those not participating in harassment. This conversation has so much fucking more btw holy shit.)

Accuses me, specifically, of being "desperate to be a victim". I'll remind you I quite literally tried to give him grace despite him consistently using my oppression as a bludgeon to win stupid fucking fandom arguments and harass people (see also, the link above about me calling him out for the Roe v. Wade thing):

(Yes, Raxis, I fucking loved pouring my heart out about how my dad would kick me out for being queer and how I've faced sexual harassment. Tee hee. I'm having soooooo much fun "being a victim". I don't 'argue', I tell you, because your horrible treatment of people and my feelings about it are not up for debate.)

And engages in racist behavior like calling being black a "multiplier" to deflect from criticism and mocking a WoC when she posts about how racism upsets her.

(Yes Raxis, WoC tend to get "big mad" and "suffer" when they encounter racism, you ghoul. Before you ask, the blacked out part just wasn't relevant to the conversation.)

And this is just the stuff I got out of a quick keyword search because I don't want to expend that much energy on this. God only knows what else is buried in there.

This tells me you aren't actually an ally. You're an "ally" when it's convenient for you or when you think it'll make you look good, but your allyship is conditional, and the second you're "crossed" by someone you claim to champion you throw their trauma back in their faces. Not even your supposed friends are safe from it, so what chance did we have of not getting harassed by you?

"But there's queer women in the Edelgard fandom who like him!" Okay? So he can't be engaging in harmful shit just because he has a queer friend? When has "I have a [blank] friend" EVER been an actual good faith defense against criticism? News flash, we're not a monolith, and just because some women and queer folk might like you or even agree with you doesn't mean you get to tell me how I should respond to my own fucking oppression. It is not your place to accuse me, a fucking queer woman, of having "internalized misogyny" or "internalized homophobia" every time I say something you don't personally like.

Frankly, from what I've seen of their server, it's less "queer women like him" and more like "queer women are too afraid to say anything against him" because whenever they try he cries to his pro-genocide mod buddy (THAT is a whole fucking story) who threatens to ban them.

And I'm not going to add these screenshots because I feel icky airing her personal business like that so explicitly, but I do have them. The woman involved in the censored screenshots above posted, in the server, about how unsafe she felt because she'd been threatened and silenced by cishet men for trying to talk about queerphobia. She left the server entirely after that.

And let's not forget what started this: he's thirty five years old and in many cases he's pulling this shit on people who are significantly younger than him. Exceeding a decade his junior in some cases. I point that out primarily for the power dynamic inherent to that. Not only is he privileged on the basis of race, gender, and orientation, he's fully developed and he knows what he's doing. He has the privilege of age and experience.

Fuck dude, he started going after some folks on Tumblr when they were still like? 18? 19? Not children, but fucking close.

I'll be very explicit because I know he's going to take this and try to accuse me of ageism, because that's what he always does when he gets called out for appropriating the language of social justice: you are a fucking adult. You have been an adult the entire time you have been in this fandom. As an adult, it's your job to be a fucking adult in these situations. Not to verbally abuse and harass inexperienced teens and early 20 somethings because they don't agree with your video game opinions. You are a grown ass 35 year old man man who thinks he's cool because he can "beat up", "cow", and "bitch slap" teenagers and early 20 somethings who are still developing, figuring themselves out, and learning how to express themselves in an articulate manner. Many of whom are already dealing with varying levels of actual trauma based on their upbringings (abusive, hateful, uncaring, or just generally unpleasant environments) or how they've been treated because of their identity (race, class, gender, sexual orientation, mental health, disability, sometimes multiple all at once) or both. That is why I keep bringing up your age.

It is quite possibly the single most embarrassing thing I have seen someone in fandom brag about. Not even just because you did it, Raxis, but because you're proud of it and you genuinely think it makes you look cool. It's embarrassing. You're embarrassing yourself.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Sorry if I'm late for the ship ask game. Can I ask for these ships :

- Killua/Gon (my fav non canon ship from any shounen until now)

- Zuko/Sokka (my fav ship from ATLA, and they're also my top 5 fav characters from that series)

- Gojo/ Getou (sorry, I know you dislike those two, but I want to know your opinion on this ship. Also, they're my main reason to enter JJK fandom)

Thx if you want to answer

KilluGon

Absolutely ship it!

What made you ship it?

Canon, they're prone to these very romantic moments.

What are your favourite things about the ship?

How devoted they are to one another. They meet by accident and get entangled with each other so quickly. Killua follows Gon around during the exam, then Gon goes to save him and since then it becomes a duh for them that they do everything together. And then the trauma they both endure puts a strain on their bond and we see in real time how their relationship partially sours because they are too young and they don't know how to deal with the trauma and the stress. They make each other better and worse, and it just feels so real. It's just amazing.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Idk how unpopular it really is but Gon isn't abnormally selfish, and he's not some villain in their relationship. They both contribute to it hurting them both. People getting hurt in relationships and still fighting for them and working on them is just so normal. I think also that people who dislike Gon or have no interest in him should no be shipping this. And Killua isn't a soft uwu boi. He's got a mean streak, is petty and prone to addiction, the soft boi outfits are a lie.

Zuko/Sokka

I don't ship it.

Why don’t you ship it?

In a previous ask reply I talked about how much I like MaiKo. And that's just my default ship for Zuko. The thing with Sokka is that his heterosexuality forces him to reconsider his misogyny, it's not ideal that this is what makes him start respecting women but honestly, who cares as long as he doesn't act like sad loser towards women in the end. And I'm saying this because having a sister who was his life line and his keeper for years after they lost their mother and were left behind by their father, did nothing to make him not a dick to women. And I think that if Sokka'd been gay, he'd've never changed. He'd've been one of those gays who look down at women. What if he lead Zuko there too? Like Azula makes Zuko's life quite awful, so some bigoted takes about women could've made him a misogynist and feel justified for it too.

What would have made you like it?

If they had more chemistry in canon. I just can't imagine an exciting dynamic between them to engage in shipping it? Nothing about this ship makes me think they could make each other better and that's a must for me to ship anything, really.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I'm sorry but not really. I have barely seen this ship around because I don't go to the ATLA fandom, I don't think even fanart for it has ever crossed my dash. I mean it's marginally better than Zuko/Katara, because that one is just toxic heterosexuality the ship.

Gojo/ Getou

omg, not really.

Why don’t you ship it?

Like with HisoIllu, I accept that this is a logical ship and it's likely canon. But unlike HisoIllu, I actually actively can't stand it.

Generally, considering how toxic Gojou's personality is, I consider all his het ships misogyny and all his queer ship, queerphobia, even such absolutely toxic shit like SukuGo, even GoKen, even Gojou/Touji. I don't even like Touji but not even he deserves that. Apart from SatoSugu. Getou was a truly disgusting fascist adult and a condescending fuck as a teen, I think they can have each other.

Why I actively despise it, is because of the fandom. The fans of these two characters separately and those of this ship are some of the loudest and most obnoxious in this fandom. They will literally take panels, scenes or chapters that are about other characters and unleash some truly unhinged word vomit to make it seem like there's some connection to Gojou, Getou or their ship. Usually it's either complete misrepresentation of what is in the manga or pure untagged fanfiction. But the tags of other characters get regularly flooded by this kind of shit. They act as if they couldn't stand there being parts of the JJK fandom where their favs are not worshiped, where their ship is not the most important thing.

What would have made you like it?

Nothing. If it weren't for the fans, I would've been neutral about it. I wouldn't have cared about it because a thought about any dynamic between these two assholes leaves me completely cold. But I wouldn't've cringed when I saw it in the tags to the fics in my tags. I wouldn't've cringed writing the single Gojou involving scene I've ever written.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

No, I'm still sad that the most awful fans of these two and their ship haven't rage quit the fandom when Sukuna finally reduced Gojou to tolerable portions. Honestly it seems to be getting worse. Despite how liberally I block, it still often feels, even on some leaks days, that there's more about this ship in the JJK tags than of the actually relevant stuff.

[qweerhet]

"Suddenly having a body type that is subject to violence" oh you mean like every woman's body type pretty much no matter what? A lot of y'all act like being a guy is somehow harder than being a woman and tbh should shut the fuck up because it's not

yeah so "reproductive control" is a different kind of violence and is experienced differently socially/interpersonally than "fatphobia and queerphobia and ableism and All This Other Shit" and You Know This, you're just being disingenuous. experiencing reproductive control is just like, straight up different interpersonally than this intersection.

misogyny in general, and transmisogyny in particular, are already pretty intertwined with the intersection i'm describing--if you're a woman who's oppressed for being fat and hairy and varsex, you should damn well know that these are axes of oppression that would be shocking as hell to suddenly start experiencing after a lifetime of not.

people who have been conventionally attractive, skinny, and "nonthreatening" their entire lives experience culture shock when suddenly, for the first time, becoming fat and experiencing something that i don't quite have a grasp on the words for the underlying oppression of, but the idea that "hairy fat people, particularly ones with deep voices and facial hair, are uniquely dangerous and predatory, and should be socially mocked and attacked preemptively."

like yeah, i am definitely saying that if you've been (read as) a skinny conventionally attractive woman your whole life then you haven't experienced that violence. this isn't fucking rocket science.

transmascs who were already fat and hairy and balding and varsex prior to transitioning usually don't experience this culture shock, and women who are any of these things already experience this social violence, so again--not rocket science. no idea what point you think you're making.

p.s. binary+cisnormative language and referring to the entire trans community as "y'all," and as if we are some amorphous entity with singular interests and rhetoric, makes me think you're a radfem.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[aces-to-apples]

Your Reputation Precedes You

A response to “On Fandom Racism (and That Conlang People Are Talking About)” because lmao that cowardly bitch just hates getting feedback from people that she can’t then harass into oblivion

i.e. God I Wish I Could Use The Tag Fandom Wank Without The Titty Police Nerfing My Post

-

To be frank, I'm not here because I think you or any of your little cronies are going to change your minds. If the 'name' wasn't a giveaway, your group of ~likeminded individuals~ have quite the reputation for espousing ableist, antisemitic, and, yes, racist views under wafer-thin the veneer of "calling out racism." I think we both know that what you're actually doing is using the relative anonymity of the internet and progressive language to abuse, harass, and bully fans that you personally disagree with. You and your group are toxic, hateful, and utterly pathetic, using many peoples' genuine desire to avoid accidentally causing harm and twisting it into this horrid parade of submissiveness to You, The One And Only Arbiter Of Truth And Justice In Fandom. Never mind that you have derided autistic people as lacking compassion and empathy, that you've used racist colonizer dogwhistles to describe a fictional culture based heavily on real live Maori culture, that you've mocked the idea of characters having PTSD, or that vital mental health services are anything more than "talking about your feelings with friends uwu." Let's just ignore that you have ridiculed the idea of adults in positions of power exerting that power over children in harmful and abusive ways, that creating transformative fan-content that doesn't adhere to the spirit of canon or wishes of the original author garners derision and hatefulness from you, and that you've used classic abuser tactics in order to gaslight people in your orbit into behaving more submissively towards you in order to avoid more verbal abuse.

Let's toss all of that crucial context aside in favor of only what you've written here.

What you've written here is nearly 3,000 entire words based on, at best—though, admittedly, based on your previous behavior, I am actually not willing to extend to you an iota of good faith—fallacious reasoning. You posit that a constructed language, to be used by a fictional religious group located in an entirely different galaxy than our own, is othering, racist in general, and anti-Asian specifically. This appears based in several suppositions, the first being that a language unknown by the reader will, by nature, cause the reader to feel alienated from the characters and therefore less sympathetic, empathetic, and caring towards the characters. That idea is patently ridiculous and, I believe, says far more about your ability to connect to a character speaking an unfamiliar language than any kind of overarching truth about media and the human condition. New things are interesting; new things are fun; the human brain is wired from birth to be fascinated with new things, to want to take them apart, find out how they work, and enjoy both the process and the results.

The second supposition this fallacy is based upon appears to be that to move away from the blatant Orientalism of Star Wars is inherently anti-Asian. While I find it... frankly, a little bit sad that you cling so viciously to the Orientalist, appropriative roots of Star Wars as some form of genuine representation, that's really none of my business. If you feel that a Muslim-coded character bombing a temple and becoming a terrorist and a Sith, a white woman wearing Mongolian wedding garb, a species of decadent slug-like gangsters smoking out of hookahs and keeping attractive young women chained at their feet (as it were), a species of greedy money-grubbers with exaggerated features and offensively stereotypical "Asian" accents, and an indigenous people wearing modesty garb based on the Bedu people and treated by most characters as well as the narrative as mindless animals deserving of murder and genocide are appropriate representation of the many, varied, and beautiful cultures around the world upon which they were "based," then that is very much your business. Until you pull shit like this. Until you accuse other fans, who wish to move away from such offensive coding and stereotypes, of erasing Asian culture from Star Wars. Then it becomes everyone's business, especially when you are targeting a loving and enthusiastic group of fans who are pouring their hearts and souls into creating an inventive and non-appropriative alternative to canon.

Which leads into the third supposition, that a patently racist, misogynistic white man in the 1970s, and then again in the 1990s, intended his universe to be an accurate and respectful portrayal of the various cultures he stole from. I understand that for your group of toxic bullies, the term "Death of the Author" holds no real meaning, but the simple fact of the matter is that George Lucas based his white-centered space adventure on Samurai movies while removing the cultural context that gave them any meaning, because he liked the idea of swords and noble warriors in space. He based the Force and the Jedi Order on belief systems such as Taoism and Buddhism, but only on the surface, without putting any real effort into into portraying them earnestly or accurately. He consistently disrespected both characters of color and characters coded to be a certain race, ethnicity, culture, or religion, and likewise disrespected and stole from the cultures upon which he based them. He was, and continues to be, a racist white man who wrote a racist story. His universe has Orientalism baked into its every facet, and the idea that fans who wish to move away from this and interrogate and transform the text into something better than what it is are racist is not only laughable, but incredibly disingenuous and insidious.

As I said, I am not writing this to change your mind, because I truly believe that you already know that "cOnLaNgS aRe RaCiSt" is a ridiculous statement. The way you've comported yourself in fandom spaces thus far has shown to me that you are nothing more than a bully who knows that the anti-racist movement in fandom can be co-opted for your benefit. If you tout your Asian heritage and use the right language, make the "right" accusations and take advantage of white guilt and white ignorance, you can have dozens of people falling at your feet, begging for forgiveness, for absolution. And I think that gives you a thrill. So, no, none of this will change your mind because none of this is genuinely about racism—it's about power, it's about control, it's about fandom being the only space where you have some.

So I'm writing this for the creators of this wonderful conlang, which has been crafted by multiple people including people of color, who don't deserve this nonsensical vitriol, and for the fans reading this manipulative hate-fest, wondering if they really are Evil Racists because they don't participate in fandom the way you think they should.

Here it is: fandom has a lot of racism, antisemitism, misogyny, queerphobia, ableism, etc. baked into it. Unfortunately, such is the nature of living and growing up in societies and cultures that have the same. The important thing is to independently educate yourself on those issues and think critically about them—not "think critically" as in "to criticize" them, but to analyze, evaluate, pick apart, examine, and reconstruct them again in order to come to a well thought-out conclusion. Read this well-articulated attack on a group of fans who have always welcomed feedback and participation, are open about their backgrounds, their strengths and weaknesses, and wonder who is actually being genuine.

Is it the open and enthusiastic group who ask for the participation of others in this labor of love? Or is it the ringleader of a group of well-known bullies who have manipulated, gaslit, and then subsequently love-bomb people who did not simply roll over at the slightest hint of dominance? The ones who spent hours upon hours tearing apart, mocking, deriding, and falsely accusing authors of fanworks and metatextual works of various bigotries and -isms, knowing that those evaluations were spurious and meant only to cause harm, not genuine examinations of the works themselves or even presumed authorial intent. The ones who made their own, quote-unquote, community so negative and toxic that even after the departure of a large portion of them, including this author in particular, that community still has a reputation for being hateful, toxic, and full of mean-spirited harassers who will never look critically about their own behavior but only ever point fingers at others. The ones who are so very determined to cause misery wherever they go that as soon as their usual victims are no longer immediately available, they will turn on each other at the slightest hint of weakness.

This entire piece of (fan)work is misinformed at the most generous, disingenuous at the most objective, and downright spiteful when we get right into it. The creators of Dai Bendu, along with various other works, series, and fan events that these people personally dislike, have been targeted because it is so much easier to harass, bully, and use progressive language as a weapon against them, than it is to put any effort into making fandom spaces more informed, more positive, more respectful.

As someone rather eloquently put it, community is not a fucking spectator sport. You want a better community, you gotta work at it. And conversely, what you put into your community is what you'll get out of it. This author and their friends have put a lot of hate into their communities, and now they're toxic cesspools that people stay well away from, for fear of contracting some terrible form of harassment poisoning.

Congrats, Ri, you've gotten just what you wanted: adoring crowds listening to you spout your absolutely heinous personal views purely to live out some kind of power fantasy, and the rest of us staying well away, because fuck knows nothing kind, helpful, or in good faith has ever come from Virdant or her echo-chamber of petty, spiteful assholes.

No love, bad night.

P.S. Everyone actually in the Dai Bendu server knows your ass got kicked because you didn’t say shit for a full thirty days and ignored the announcement that inactive members would be culled. You ain’t cute pretending like it’s because you were ~*~Silenced~*~ after ~*~Valiantly~*~ attempting to call out racism. We see you.

[writcraft]

you said to message you about the jrk thing. she said sex is real and that's pretty much it. she said biological women should be able to address issues that affect only them and that the type of seemingly progressive language of "people who menstruate" is only used on women's issues. never seen "prostate havers" or "dick owners" from men's cancer groups. + every social/cultural group gets their own "space" other than of course biological women. why should gender supersede sex in these spaces?

Thanks for the message Anon. I’m going to break down my reply to this using your message. She said sex is real and that’s pretty much it. She’s said quite a bit more than that and at some length, but on that point specifically there’s a rigidity to the ‘sex is real’ argument that I don’t consider to be particularly helpful. As science has developed we are beginning to understand sex isn’t as binary as we once thought. 2% of the population are born intersex, hormone levels vary, chromosomes are not binary. We can argue back and forth on the science as it’s a conversation that remains unsettled, but I do not take an absolutist approach to sex. I believe I can be persuaded by more inclusive scientific studies around sex, use language that doesn’t exclude marginalised groups and still fight for women’s rights without erasure of the specific, gender-driven violence and inequalities women experience.

She said biological women should be able to address issues that affect only them. I remain baffled as to why we would be unprepared to adopt our language to talk about a biological matter in a way that includes all those that experience it. There are publications that explore the risk of prostate cancer in transgender women so it’s incorrect to say you never see that addressed, but I would advocate for making language around specific biological issues more inclusive across the board. To take the menstruation example, I have zero issue including transgender men and my non-binary siblings in conversations around menstruation and referring to them under the umbrella of “woman” is invalidating, exclusionary and it denies them that place in the conversation. To me, using inclusive language is simply a respectful way of enabling transgender men and non-binary people who face the same issues around things like tampon taxes to be part of the conversation. What does a woman whose gender corresponds with her sex lose from that inclusion? Aren’t we ultimately stronger together than apart?

Every social/cultural group gets their own “space” other than biological women. Why should gender supersede sex in these places? I guess I would flip this around and say what is it about the current system that suggests that kind of space is necessary? I find the debate around access to single-sex spaces very confused because in the UK transgender people can use the bathroom that corresponds to their gender and transgender women can access women-only spaces such as crisis centers. Removing access to these essential services based on the mythical ‘trans villain’ the ‘man in a dress’ masquerading as transgender to cause harm to women is preposterous, dangerous and reinforces the kind of thinking that places transgender people at particular harm. If that was a legitimate concern we would already have seen evidence of the right to access single sex spaces being abused, yet we haven’t. Why? Because the brutal reality is men do not have to go to those lengths to commit violence against women. Is the suggestion honestly that we roll back existing rights, taking a legislative step backwards, in a way that would enable the turning away of transgender women who have experienced violence and are seeking refuge because we are scared of a monster that doesn’t actually exist? I really struggle to understand what excluding transgender women from vital women-only services actually accomplishes. I don’t believe it would make cisgender women any safer from male-perpetrated violence but it would make the position of transgender women even more unsafe.

The patriarchy oppresses women and gender based violence does not discriminate, treating femininity with suspicion and posing a threat to transgender women and femmes together with cisgender women. The suspicion of the feminine operates at all kinds of levels, including the way it manifests in violence against effeminate gay men. Together with misogyny, transgender women also experience queerphobia and if it’s a woman of colour, systemic racism too. Recognising and wanting to support women who experience those intersectional struggles seems to me to be at the very heart of the feminist movement. As Audre Lorde said, “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” I really struggle to understand what the feminist movement gains from gatekeeping who benefits from it and fail to see anything progressive in enforcing rigid male/female binaries which are rooted in colonialism that were specifically designed to oppress women, permit gender violence and create deep inequalities.

[drtanner]

So this will assuredly be somewhat of a Controversial Take™ by some measures, but I really do have to wonder if the reason there's so many white cishets out there just falling over themselves to feel like they're being oppressed is because the problems they do have in their lives aren't recognised by society at large as "real problems".

And I don't mean that in the snarky "lol first world problems" sense. I mean that virtually everyone in Western society who isn't so wealthy that they can just decide to quit their job to write a book or work on their tech startup or indulge a Passion Project™ really does have a very real problem in that they're essentially trapped by a capitalist system and don't have any control over their own lives, but that's not a problem that anyone ever really acknowledges. Even if you make enough to support yourself and your family, if you have one, chances are that you're still going to be spending 80% of your waking hours at a job that doesn't pay you what your labour is worth or reward you in any way, really, leaving you with no time to spend on yourself or the people you love, and that takes a hell of a toll, even on a healthy person. Capitalism is poison to humanity, but if you try to tell anyone that, try to suggest that it's anything but noble and necessary for one to work their whole life away in the service of someone much richer than they are, it's a cinch you'll be called "lazy" or "workshy" and be told that you just want a free lunch, or whatever.

A hell of a lot of people don't realise that having no time or energy left to spend on hobbies or education or general self-improvement after spending the whole week at work is a problem at all, in fact. They think it's just normal. It's normal to be permanently exhausted and unfulfilled. It's normal to have to bury your hopes and dreams when you grow up enough to realise that you'll never have enough time to pursue them. It's normal to resign yourself to the hopeless, eternally rote monotony of the 40-60 hour work week. It's all normal. It's not a problem. It's normal. And because it's normal, you can't complain about it, at least not seriously, and certainly not with the expectation that it might ever change. It's just normal.

However, something happens when you have a problem that's eating you up inside but have to go on day after day with that problem never being acknowledged by other people, when you desperately need help but you've been taught that you'll never be able to get it.

As many of the (disabled, mentally ill, neurodivergent) folks reading this can attest, if you're struggling with something, really struggling with it, but nobody ever seems to notice or care, you'll start wishing that you had a problem they could see. They'd notice if you lost an arm or a leg. They'd notice if you were in a car crash. They'd notice if you were dying of cancer. They'd notice and they'd help you, help you like you've always wanted, like you've needed for so long, and then you'd finally, at long last, be able to be okay.

They'd notice if you were oppressed.

I'd imagine it's probably quite easy to see the widespread recognition of systemic issues like racism, queerphobia, misogyny, etc. etc., and think, well, I'm struggling too, my life is miserable too; if only I were struggling in a way that people noticed, I might get some help, and even without really knowing the reason, it's probably also quite easy to start reaching, to try to claim some of those Real Problems That People Can See™ for yourself.

Listen. If you're reading this and it sounds like you, understand that your life is not supposed to be an endless, miserable slog wherein you spend every minute of your "free time" doing household chores and end up with nothing left for yourself because your job doesn't leave you with time enough to get that shit done in the week. It's not normal to feel trapped and hopeless all the time, nor to be forced to relinquish your personal aspirations to the scrapheap because you'll never have the time or money to make them happen, and it is most definitely not normal spend more of yourself on your work than your loved ones. You should have time for yourself and the people you love. You should have disposable income. You should have hopes and dreams and the room to work on them. These things are being stolen from you by people much richer than you are, and that is a very real, very valid problem.

Just because you aren't the victim of racism, or queerphobia, or misogyny, or antisemitism, or even classism, especially, it doesn't mean that your life is automatically perfect and trouble-free. You don't need to claim other people's problems like that.

You have a problem, and that problem is capitalism.

[jerrylevitch]

And there's also the misogyny apparent on your page, and the thinly-veiled homophobia surrounding Jerry. I was actually quite shocked by the way you laughed about him beating his kids in that one video, and your horrible little "I don't think he acted on it" in the discussion surrounding his possibly being bisexual - 'acted on it' like it's a compulsion, that's so horrible. Plus your confusion about Jerry not doing Some Like It Hot. Maybe he just took drag seriously? Your queerphobia is showing.

LMFAO WHAT???? I’m pretty sure I know who this is. Nerigby96, since I asked why you block me but still reblog my posts. If you have such an issue with Jerry spanking his kids, then why are you still a fan of him or Martin and Lewis. Get outta here. I was spanked as a child much more than Jerry spanked his children, which was literally twice according to Anthony. It was common place in the 1950′s and 60′s. My dad was whipped with a switch from damn tree. My mom was spanked constantly as a child, and that is just the way it is in Hispanic households. In fact if you look at some of the comments from people on that video, there are people who can’t believe Anthony or take him seriously, because in Latino and African American households, children are spanked every day STILL. My mom grew up in all that and it’s commonplace, so are you going to call those communities abusive for discipling their kids in the way that they see fit? Spankings on a child’s bottom, are not abusive. However hitting them elsewhere is definitely abuse. I was not abused and my family members were not abused in reference to what you said in your other ask. I never laughed about Jerry spanking his kids, so wtf? I have always said exactly what I said here. 

I’ll just respond to your other ask here:

“ Why do you act like what Jerry did to his kids was just 'discipline' or 'spanking'? It's either ignorance or willful obfuscation at this point, seeing as in the 1960s he bragged on TV about beating his son with a belt and leaving welts. I'm really sorry that you and your family members experienced abuse too, that's awful. Abuse is not a hierarchy, though, and it's awful to say that because you and others had it 'worse', that other 'varieties' of abuse are okay. I love Jerry but he was an abuser. “

You can just piss off. Stop being a fan if you’re going to be so hateful to Jerry Lewis and lie about him. Patti Lewis was abused as a child, and she would never have married someone who was abusing her children. She didn’t put up with it from her parents and left when she could. Jerry Lewis was practically abandoned by his parents. You’ve got a method of disciplining children from the past which literally everyone did, and you’re trying to think of it in today’s views? Please. And I have no idea what kind of queerphobia bullshit you are trying to accuse me of, but sorry you’re an idiot. Jerry Lewis literally said he didn’t like doing drag and he explained it in an interview from 1963, which is sadly not online anymore, but he literally said he didn’t like doing it. Which of course is odd because he did it in his solo film Three On A Couch, and some Jerry Lewis show specials. So I think Jerry was just contradicting himself when he was saying that, and that he did think it was fun to do in order to be silly or get a laugh. Was he doing it to be a professional drag entertainer, absolutely not. What exact misogyny is on my page? lol I think you’re just trying to throw out every term you can think of to attack me with absolutely nothing to back it up. 

It is my personal opinion that Jerry Lewis did not have sex with another man. I don’t care if you have a problem with that. Just because you want him to have had sex with another man, doesn’t mean it actually occurred. Did he kiss and have crushes on other men, absolutely? But there is literally no evidence to support that he indeed had sex with another man. If you want to show me proof where actually said he did, or someone else besides the FBI said he did, I would be happy to change my opinion. The closest he might have had sex with a man, may have been Tony Curtis since something definitely happened there to make them fall out with each other. I don’t he and Dean had sex with each other. You can still be bisexual and never have sex with either the same or the opposite sex, or not have sex at all for that matter. It doesn’t make you any less of a bisexual. Singer Robbie Williams always claims that he is bisexual, but could never go through with the sex part with a man. Those were his own words! Now I don’t believe him, and there is more evidence of him actually having sex with Gary Barlow and others, than there is of Jerry having sex with men. We just don’t know. Jerry had a compulsion to cheat, so yes “acted on it with men” would be the correct term as would he acted on his cheating instincts with women, would literally be the same thing. Either way he would be a cheater. Some people don’t act on their feelings whatever they may be sexual or non-sexual, and the term literally is not an offense to anyone’s sexuality at any time. But you want to find fault with everything I have to say. Also my friend Audi in the video you are referring to, is himself gay, and he found nothing wrong with my statement. In fact I just showed him, your post, and he thinks you're a nutjob. In fact he doesn't even think Jerry was bisexual at all. I'm the one who brought up that he likely was.

Definition of act on/upon

: to use (something, such as a feeling or suggestion) as a reason or basis for doing something. They never acted on the information they had. It's okay to feel angry or jealous, but you mustn't act on those feelings.

Anyway I really don’t care what you think, because most people aren’t crazy enough to go off on a tangent like this. Most people love what I have to say on Jerry Lewis. So again piss off whoever you are. Do yourself a favor and leave the Martin and Lewis fandom if you’re so easily disgruntled by my opinion, because I’m literally everywhere. I’ve put the most amount of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis content online, and at least half of it wouldn’t be there without my blog or my youtube channels. So remove yourself. You don’t know me at all. 

And I'm sure the only reason you commented here instead of my actual youtube video is because you're an anonymous coward, and you know that Audi and others would come and kick your ass in the comments section. Audi has roasted people before and he will again.

[elrond-is-proud-of-you]

PSA

Hey y’all! Sorry for the recent inactivity on this blog, I’ve been having quite a time of it trying to keep my mental health semi-stable recently. However, starting today I’m going to try and get back to posting regularly! Since it is Pride Month, I’ll probably be doing quite a bit of LGBTQ+ positivity, but there will also be the usual content!

With the current political situation going on and Pride Month as well, i want to make a few things quite clear:

- This blog supports Black Lives Matter.

- This blog does not believe in ‘all lives matter’ or ‘blue lives matter’ or anything of the sort. 

- This blog supports all members of the LGBTQ+ community and believes that ace and aro people as well as nondysphoric trans people belong in the community. It is no one’s place to determine who is ‘LGBTQ+ enough’ or 'trans enough’. 

- This blog stands against homophobia, queerphobia, transphobia, all kinds of LGBTQ-phobia, racism, misogyny, antisemitism, and all kinds of bigotry.

- This blog is a safe space for all minorities. If there’s anything I can do to better support you, please let me know via an ask or message and I’ll do my best to change things. I recognize that I am a white person and am still unlearning my biases, but it’s important for me to educate myself and be a good ally to POC.

With all that being said, I will most likely not be posting information about protests and how to protest on this blog, as it’s for a specific purpose and I also know that some posts can be triggering or bad for anxiety. The exception to this may be links to donate to varying organizations, which will be tagged ‘signal boost’ and ‘Elrond supported donation post’, as always.

If I do end up posting about the current situation, it will be tagged with appropriate trigger warnings and the tags ‘protest’ and ‘current events’. (And if you want more information on how to protest safely and support BLM, I’ll most definitely be reblogging posts about that to my main, semperaeternumque under the tag ‘current events’.)

And finally, I have some good news! 

The 500 follower celebration surprise is almost finished (right after this blog hit 700 followers, oops), so I’ll hopefully have that posted in the next week or so!

This has been a PSA from your friendly local ‘Elrond is proud of you’ blog;  Stay safe, educate yourself on important issues, take care of your mental and physical health, and remember that Elrond is proud of you!

[nightcoremoon]

I'm gonna succinctly summarize my thoughts on fat acceptance in this post.

it's good. it's necessary. it's important. I support it. I was once a fatphobic piece of shit back when I also ID'd as cishet, and was anti-abortion, pro-gun, egalitarian, anti-muslim, gender binarist, etc etc... but through seeking education and external perspectives from other people (family, two friends from high school, a couple friends from a social function, a couple of friends from the bdsm subcommunity, my ex girlfriend, and several friends of my best friend) I unlearned a lot of the evil fat shaming bullcrap instilled in me by my parents and society. I can recognize the inherent problems linked with racism, misogyny, queer community, ableism, classism, and the like. I'm aware of the medical nightmare associated with being fat. I'm aware of the difference between obesity and fat. I'm aware of the eurocentric standards of beauty wrongfully enforced upon fat people. Jameela Jamil is a queen and what she's doing for fat people is appreciable especially considering her position. I have no problem with talking about fatphobia and body positivity at all.

but.

I DO have a problem with associating fatphobia with systematic forms of bigoted oppression against minorities, women, and the poor, such as racism, queerphobia (includes homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia, aphobia, gender binarism, and whatever discrimination against intersex people is called), antisemitism/islamophobia and other religious intolerance, xenophobia, ableism in all its forms etc, and all intersectionality included.

being female, lower class, black, brown, asian, gay, lesbian, bi/pan/, ace/aro, trans/nonbinary, intersex, jewish, muslim, of nonchristian faith, handicapped, neurodivergent, mentally ill, etc: these are all marginalized groups who face hatred and prejudice on a massive scale that has resulted in the stripping of civil rights and identity, denial of education and the use of public facilities, death by starvation and a lack of access to healthcare, sale into slavery, even genocide. these are the demographics that are in serious danger under trump and the rest of this wave of fascism sweeping the world right now.

I'm sick of seeing posts discussing oppression and then comments of fat people saying "us too!!1", or posts discussing oppression that include fat people but EXclude black/brown people, lgbtq people, handicapped people, jews and muslims, or posts written by straight white cis otherwise-able-bodied neurotypical financially-well-off christian-atheist americans touting body positivity then turning around and being terfs and trump voters and flat-earthers and anti-vaxxers and capitalists and zionists and white supremacy enablers and the like on their blogs. trump is fat, okay? TRUMP IS FAT.

if you wanna be fat positive go right on ahead, I'll be behind you every step of the way. I mean come on, I'm more than a little bit overweight myself (I'm not skinnyfat, more fatskinny, and not quite medically obese, but I'm certainly not skinny). but don't tack yourselves onto more important shit like getting shot up in mosques or killed off in chechnya or shot in the back by cops or crowdfunding for insulin but not getting enough and going into shock and then dying because you were unlucky and people care more about yet another jenner becoming a billionaire just because hashtag yas queen.

but with that being said:

if I see you talking shit about fat people, if it weren't for the laws of this world and a silly little thing called ethics, I'd fucking stab you.

this is a "make your own post" deal first and foremost. women shouldn't comment on male positivity posts and vice versa, but that doesn't mean they can't make their own posts. and fat people are the same.

hopefully this post settles the current discourse surrounding me once and for all. either that or it'll just stir up the hornets nest.

[nerdygaymormon]

Of all sexual orientations, the bisexual population experiences the highest rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.Bisexual females exhibit the highest suicide scores. Bisexual girls are the most vulnerable, with nearly 48 percent saying they had considered taking their own lives...Bisexual individuals also reported higher rates of mental illness...Only about 28% of bisexuals say all or most of the important people in their life know they are bisexual. By comparison 70-80% of gay and lesbian participants say all or most of the important people in their life know they are homosexual.

————————————————————

Media

Representation matters. It sounds trite, but it’s true...Bisexuals are often portrayed as greedy, selfish, hypersexualized people due to the fact our sexual orientations are not exclusive to one gender.

————————————————————

Passing Privilege

Passing privilege is the idea that when people interact with you on a regular basis they assume you are either heterosexual or homosexual—heterosexual being the more privileged of the two. Passing privilege, like the trans experience of passing privilege, is a two-edged sword. Passing privilege also comes with erasure...

Bisexuality comes with the trauma of being homosexual with the bonus of being told that because you have “hetero-passing privilege” your trauma isn’t worth acknowledgment or treatment... The reality is my “passing privilege” is not my privilege—it’s my bi erasure.

—————���——————————————

Friendships

I cannot tell you how many friends I have lost over the years due to being openly queer...If our friendship was contingent on my staying in the closet, perhaps it’s not a friendship I should want to continue. However, that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts deeply to lose friends I’ve had for years.

————————————————————

Sexual Assault and Consent

According to the findings in Victimization by Sexual Orientation Survey, in comparison to heterosexual women, bisexual women are 2x’s as likely to experience sexual assault and 3x’s as likely to be raped. Bisexual women have a 46.1% chance of being forcibly raped. This rate is 2.6x’s higher than straight women and 3.5x’s higher than lesbian women.

————————————————————

Never Queer Enough

Bisexuals are often perceived as not being “queer enough”...Bisexuals are only “half queer”...

I’m not 50% straight and 50% gay. This assumption causes a lot of stress to bisexuals because it assumes we don’t fully belong in either category... This is why bisexuals are often perceived as never “gay enough” and never “straight enough”... In fact, it leads many bisexuals to believe we don’t belong anywhere. Our hetero-privilege keeps us feeling just enough guilt to refrain from expressing the trauma induced by homophobia, biphobia, and monosexism...

We bear the burden of homophobia, biphobia, oppositional sexism, monosexism, misogyny, and traditional sexism. On top of that, because many of us are attracted to trans, non-binary, and intersex folks, we aren’t trusted or taken seriously because our orientation doesn't exclude any gender. This is monosexism. It means that persons sexually attracted to only one gender are somehow superior to persons attracted to multiple or all genders. 

————————————————————

Sexual Fluidity

I’m not certain as to where this attitude came from, but there is a notion that sexuality is fixed because you were “born that way”...

There have been times in my life I thought I was exclusively homosexual, and other times I thought I was exclusively heterosexual. During these times I wasn’t confused about what I wanted sexually. I knew quite well what I wanted. My wants simply changed. While I certainly don’t presume sexual fluidity as a universal phenomenon or a reason to impose conversion therapy onto fixed homosexuals, I do think sexually fluid bisexuality is just as legitimate of an orientation as fixed monosexuality...

I like what I like, when I like it. That doesn’t mean I always get what I want, but it also doesn’t mean I’m confused about what I want. It means my sexuality is fluid. I’m adaptable and my sexual attraction is not limited to a fixed type of genitalia. Granted, some bisexuals are more fluid than others. It is not my intention to suggest that all bisexuals are as fluid as myself. I also do not intend to convey that I think sexual fluidity is better than sexually fixed orientations.

————————————————————

Sexism

There have been many books written on sexism, misogyny, gender supremacy, and patriarchy, so I will not elaborate much here. However, it is worth noting that sexism and misogyny is a lived experience queer women face in addition to the queerphobia we are confronted with.

————————————————————

Religion and Theology

Asking me to choose between my Mormonism and sexual orientation is to strip me of essential aspects of my sense of self. It is quite literally an existential death. If I cannot be queer and Mormon here on earth, nor in the eternities, what I’m really hearing is there is no way for me to authentically exist...Furthermore, if there is such a thing as being Mormon and queer on earth it has been made clear by ecclesiastical authority that I cannot be queer and sealed to my loved ones in the highest degree of celestial glory.

It hurts. It hurts deeply...

My LDS community has taught me that the words “I love you” are often followed by a kick to the ribs. They kindly whisper “We all have trials” as the back of their hand bruises my cheek... Jesus said to turn the other cheek and I do my best to follow that teaching, but at some point a girl must move out of the line of fire. I never knew the words “I love you” could cause so much pain, trauma, and PTS... I no longer want to hear the words “I love you” from a general authority—those words are poison. They would love us to death.

The prevailing message is “You don’t exist in this world or in the next. Your best option is to die and hope to be greeted by a merciful God who will change you into something you’re not. Suicide will only be your first death, God’s transfiguration of your body and soul into a ‘perfected celestial being’ will be your second death. Then you will truly no longer exist.”

————————————————————

Community

Identity is a symbiotic formation. We are intimately bound to our perceptions of each other and we are shaping and being shaped in a reciprocal process of becoming...

In short, bisexual women do not see themselves reflected in their community. If humans are social creatures, which I believe we are, this problem is more than an existential threat of her identity. It is the existential death of her identity.

————————————————————

Hope

I have a family. The acceptance I receive from my family, particularly my husband and my sister, is life-saving... “Am I willing to live for my children?” For me, the answer is “yes.”

I have friends. While some of them don’t really understand what I’m experiencing, they are willing to listen. They aren’t perfect, but neither am I.

I have activism...My voice. My journal. My experience.  My pen. The continuation of my existence is my activism. Activism need not be epic to be influential. Existing is a good start. They will never accept us if they don’t have to look at us.

I have God. Others are free to mock me for my belief in God, but God is useful and powerful for me. God, even as a fiction, can be inspiring. If you don’t love your God, consider telling yourself a new story, a better fiction... No one knows a damn thing about God, so if your God isn’t bringing you joy and happiness, give yourself permission to liken the scriptures to yourself. 

I have hope...I hope for change. Even if it is a false hope, it’s a hope that keeps me living.

————————————————————

As members of the queer community, we can change the statistics. Be the author of your story. Defy the statistics by flourishing.

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Well well.

I've been pestering you with this for months, and realized I never actually presented Halfway Home to you. So that's the goal of this post ; a proper introduction to the meat of this tumblr account.

If you want to learn more about this story, feel free to venture under the cut!

Hello again. First off, thanks for your interest!

I've been working on Halfway Home for 3 years now, and only completed the first draft in December 2017 with roughly 288k words. Since then, and despite the complicated trials of real life, I'm knee deep in developmental edit, which means revising the outline, rewriting chapters and redefining characters and plot points in a more meaningful way. I decided to write and polish everything before releasing the story, and I'm very glad I committed to this decision ; Halfway Home's plot is rather complicated, deals with controversial/delicate topics, and so many things changed since my first thoughts and the current material. Some chapters have already been revised four times, and I'm still rewriting them from scratch (looking at you, first chapter). Some chunks of text, initially very important ones, I decided to get rid off entirely. Plus I'm not a native speaker, so there's loads of errors of grammar, vocabulary and even formatting (RIP me, rewriting every dialogue with English conventions).

So Halfway Home is, first and foremost, a Mass Effect fanfiction.

It covers the entire length of the original trilogy and doesn't consider any lore development happening in Mass Effect : Andromeda (I would have quite despised to have my plot entirely invalidated by a random lore decision after more than one year worth of work already :333). Most of the “side-canon” material (books, comics, etc) is largely ignored as well (they cost money, and I'm not super fond of the few I tumbled upon), with the exception of the storyline from the comic Mass Effect: Invasion, because it's deeply tied with the Omega DLC which has been considered (sadly. I have so many problems with this DLC).

While there is a conscious goal to respect most of the rules and canon of the original trilogy, some details have been slightly modified, such as the way biotics, element zero and mass relays/space transportation and communication work. Get prepared for a healthy dose of headcanons as well.

While this story is mostly targeted at fans of the franchise, it is technically possible to read it without any prior knowledge from the games.

The main character is an OC, and so is most of the main cast. During the next weeks I will present them too, so you can get a sense of who's populating this story. But amongst the sea of OCs, some of the game's characters make an appearance or still get crucial roles. Here are the ingame characters that have a role in Halfway Home, in no particular order:

- Aria T'loak - Jondum Bau - Dalatrass Linron - Mordin Solus - Councilor Sparatus - Jona Sederis and Sayn - Harrot and Kenn - Anto

Halfway Home's Shepard could be any Shepard, all gender, all background, all playthrough, all alignment (I struggled to keep the identity as neutral as possible xD) safe for one choice I was forced to make (couldn't find a way around this one, it's just too big and impacted the story too much), which is the original Council was saved in ME1.

Halfway Home is rated mature, for not only it contains basically everything you could expect in a mature rated story, but it also deals with difficult themes to graphic extents. I list below everything usually considered susceptible to trigger traumatic memories or indulge depressive/dangerous episodes, so you can withdraw right away if you were interested but know you can't deal with the content. If so, no problem, I fully understand. That's one of the reasons I wanted to have this proper presentation.

(there will be ways to skip the worst scenes, I thought of a system already. But still, it can still be too much even with this system).

I also need to warn that this story is political, which means it contains opinions and quite strong ones at that, and somewhat controversial takes on ingame topics that I know can upset people (power structures between the species, the way I decided to portray vague ingame NPCs you might have grown very fond of, the genophage, the role of the military/police/armed groups, etc).

If you think you can handle everything this story may throw at you, you can stop reading here, for the next section is extremely spoilery.

For the rest of you (hugs over your faces), I highly suggest you consider that this story discusses topics such as :

- sexual violence; rape, sexual disease, underage - sex work - mental health; PTSD, flash-back, panic attack, anxiety, depression, dissociation, depersonalization, self-harm, suicide - substance abuse; cigarette, alcohol, drugs - violence; war, blood, death, body horror - refugee situations, refugee camps, homelessness, poverty - abusive relationships; emotionally, financially - slavery - xenophobia, misogyny, queerphobia, class discrimination & social group conflicts - adoption issues - expected early death - body issues, anorexia to an extent - bullying

That's all for now folks ! If you have any question, the ask box is open (anon on) for your wildest interrogations.

I hope you're having a wonderful day, and see you soon for more stuff !