#queer people asking what’s ‘wrong’ with them

[alarajrogers]

He's a leader, an inspiring figure, but not physically powerful. She's a badass -- a killer, a superhuman, someone the world fears -- and she will do anything to make sure his vision comes true. Including things he would hate to know about.

She's a leader, an inspiring figure. He's her strong second-in-command, totally loyal, smart and capable and people like him. He could be in command if he wanted to be, but he knows she's better at it, so he happily assists her.

One is a wizard. One is a sharpshooter, swordfighter, or martial artist. They fight crime!

She's his bodyguard.

They're on opposite sides of the conflict. They hate each other. They love each other. They try to kill each other but maybe not as hard as they could be trying.

He's a superhero. She was a superhero, until something disillusioned her, and now she tries to convince him he's on the wrong side, and he tries to convince her that she is. They are actually having sex, not just UST'ing.

He's a hero. She's a dragon. Do with that what you will.

He's naive and idealistic. She's cynical and jaded. But oh, how she wants to believe in the world he sees... even as she tries to convince him of the world as she knows it, because she doesn't want the world to hurt him.

One is a scientist. One is an elite government agent. They fight crime!

They're cops. They're partners. And when they find out how corrupt the department is, they have to rely on each other to survive as the entire police force they gave their working lives to come after them to kill them.

They're both spies. When will they find out the other one is an enemy spy?

She seems like a typical housewife. That's because the entire world wants to kill her for being the most dangerous human being alive, and no one would suspect a PTA mom of being that person. He knows what she is and will do anything he can to hide her... until the day she's forced to reveal herself to save him.

He's a starship captain. She's a trickster god.

She was born to a long line of humans who can control supernatural entities. He's a proud supernatural entity who hates how much he wants to submit to this inferior human... who has the power to control him, but won't invoke it until he asks her.

I mean, I could do this all day. Ships don't even have to be queer to be great. They just have to have the man and the woman on equal footing, with each having power though their power might be in different domains. The entire probelm with het ships is how the woman is generally in some way treated as an ancilliary to the man. Either she's better than him at everything and yet for some reason he's the chosen hero, or he's better than her at most things, or we are told she is awesome but she never gets to show it. So don't do that. Give them both power and show how they are separately both powerful, and how putting them together makes them both stronger (unless it doesn't because they're fighting each other.)

"how can m/f ships be good-" first of all through the power of bisexuality anything is possible so write that down. second of all if we start othering ships based on gender and nothing else we're no better than the opposition. third of all you need to watch more addams family

[infiniteaugends]

Okay! I need to get this out of my head. I’ve seen some posts that are upset that people are upset about the BuckTommy break up. The core gripe of these posts is that the show still has HenKaren and so we shouldn’t be upset about the handling of the other main queer couple. Which makes no sense because BuckTommy and HenKaren fulfill different niches. One is a bisexual man exploring a new relationship and the other is two gay women who are settled with multiple kids.

However, this post is to talk about HenKaren. Yes I love them! They were the main thing that drew me to the show long before bi Buck became a thing. They are two black women in a relationship. Neither is ‘conventionally’ attractive. Hen is pretty visually queer. I love them. I want more of them in the show. However I don’t relate to them. Almost all of their storylines revolve around motherhood. There is very limited exploration of them as queer women outside of motherhood. Karen is a literal rocket scientist and that has never even been used as any sort of plot point. Like the amount of physics she knows and understands could be used to great effect. Micheal got to help break into a bank vault with Bobby, but Karen has never been used in a similar way. Like the amount of STEM knowledge stored in her brain 100% could have solved at least a few rescues. Can we explore these amazing woman as queer women instead of mothers just sometimes pls.

I read a fanfic that explored how Don’t ask, Don’t tell could have affected Karen. That she couldn’t become an astronaut because of it. I would love more of that energy in the show.

So yes you are right I am bemoaning the way Buck and Tommy’s break up was handled. I am bemoaning the lack of care given to exploring Buck’s bisexuality within monogamy. I am allowed to be upset. I am allowed to not relate to the storylines given to Hen and Karen. What happened to Hen being kinda witchy and blaming the moon cycle for her cheating? What happened to Hen and Karen and Athena’s wine mom nights? Where is our exploration of Karen as partner to a woman in a dangerous field of work? Where is our exploration of their relationship outside of kids?

You want me to appreciate the crumbs of queer representation being tossed my way? Well won’t you’re right we should be angry that Hen and Karen are treated as second class citizens in the narrative. We should be upset that their importance has been reduced to only motherhood. We should be upset that this show is mishandling all of its queer characters and letting Eddie Diaz have freedom and joy while our queer representation suffers.

BuckTommy was the straw that broke the camels trust in 911 ability to craft realistic queer lives and continue to care about them more than a diversity check mark. I will continue to watch HenKaren clips on YouTube and read fan-fiction. I will continue to engage with Bi Buck fan-fiction that heals the parts of me that Glee and this show have bruised. I will not thank them for the stale crumbs they brush from the table. Do I love Hen and Karen? Yes! Is it enough? Not anymore!

Anyway, I got a little heated and upset, but all this discourse is really just rubbing me the wrong way. Let people be upset and hurt. Their feelings are valid whether you agree.

[disaster-j]

What really pisses me off is people insisting the break-up doesn't make sense as its own thing when it's so clearly in-character for both of them

Buck has been in a serious relationship with a man for six months but hasn't said the word bisexual. We only know that's His Label bc Oliver Stark calls him bisexual outside of the show. Buck has had what seemed to be a perfect fairytale relationship with Tommy bc Tommy made him feel so safe and comfortable and taken care of that he just let everything else about his coming out journey kinda simmer on the back burner.

And, hey, there's nothing wrong with taking your time with that. But considering the scene at dispatch where he still couldn't talk about his sexuality in concrete terms, clearly he hasn't processed it much, if at all. Buck is the guy who dives deep into research at the slightest opportunity, him knowing so little about queerness and queer culture six months into a serious same-sex relationship isn't just out of character but a clear sign that he simply hasn't done any work to explore his sexuality for himself outside of his relationship with Tommy. Whether the writers intended for it read like that or not doesn't matter very much, bc that's exactly what I'm seeing here.

And, again, that alone as a reason to break up with someone is extremely shitty but that's also not what happened.

Tommy clearly has a history of isolating. He's been hurt a lot in the past, we don't need to know the details to know he's a deeply wounded man who spent most of his life guarding his own heart from the world. He told Buck and the audience over and over again, "I look confident. I look sure. I am comfortable. But it took hard work. I wasn't like this before. This is new. This is good but this is scary. I'm working on it I'm working on it I'm working."

He can see that Buck views him as something more, something better, than he thinks he is. Buck loves Tommy, Buck was infatuated with Tommy. Tommy was this perfect guy in Buck's eyes. And that scared Tommy. It intimidated him. But he kept going bc it wasn't a big deal and he could always remind Buck that hey he's just a guy, a guy who had done things wrong for a long time. But Buck never fully grasped it either. Likely bc of how good Tommy made him feel, he struggled to fully grasp that things with Tommy couldn't always be so perfect and good and safe.

They don't talk about that but they keep going bc they like each other bc they're falling in love bc until that six month mark they were both still fairly distracted by how good it felt to be together to really, seriously consider the ramifications of ignoring those not-so-little things they didn't want to face right then.

And then suddenly it's been six months and they're clearly both in love and they're both clearly not ready to be acknowledging that at all. It's been six months and they're just trying to match each other's pace but have never talked about what that pace actually is and then suddenly they're talking about how Tommy used to be engaged to the woman who taught Buck what a real relationship meant and they still aren't even ready to acknowledge they're in love but Buck is already asking to move in together and talking about marriage and they haven't even said i love yous and Buck can't even utter the word bisexual out loud but he wants to jump into living together and fusing their lives together.

But he's not ready for that. As far as Tommy can see he's not ready for that. And if he's asking for something so big when he can't even say the word love then maybe, in Tommy's mind, he'll never truly be able to say it. Maybe they'll keep going like this. Living together and being together but Buck can't face his sexuality as its own thing and Tommy can't face how his trauma affects their relationship and eventually it'll be too much and maybe Buck still wouldn't want to say it and Tommy would push him away like he pushes everyone away and then they'll be right back to that moment, weeks or months or years later, with Buck wanting more but not able to say those words and with Tommy wishing he'd left before it hurt so much.

And sure it hurts to leave now but at least now he's early. Now, Buck hasn't wrapped himself around every piece of his life. Just his heart. At least now he'll hurt but he won't have to move just to get rid of the scent of Evan Buckley perpetually lingering in every corner of his home.

Buck loves Tommy so much he can't imagine a future without him. Tommy loves him so much he can't imagine a future where he gets to keep him.

The break-up makes all the sense in the world. It just doesn't make sense that the break-up wouldn't force them to work on their respective issues and bring them back together stronger in the future.

[drdemonprince]

I remember a while back you did a fun ask game where people sent in kinks and you rated how good an investment they are and it keeps popping into my mind because of how chill you were about kinks that even kinky people tend to view really negatively in the sense of ethics. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to *feel* chill in terms of my own kink ethics. I intellectually believe that fantasies can’t be immoral and that kink with other adults is moral as long as there is consent (and appropriate risk awareness).

But I am still pretty triggered on the topic when it comes up. Eg, earlier a friend told me they are cutting someone they love off for being friends with someone who “sexualizes trauma”. And yeah, that is definitely where some of my darker kinks come from—though not all. They’re entitled to that opinion and action of course! But hearing all the things they said against this person triggered me, making me feel like I’m dangerous and that it is wrong of me to interact with them going forward even though this isn’t a topic I would discuss with them anyway. Until writing this I hadn’t even considered if they are still a person I *want* to interact with given this. Though I’m sort of unclear on whether it is actually wrong of me to interact with them still.

I am working with my therapist on this. And I know it will take some time to work through. I was just wondering if you had any words of wisdom on the topic.

My thoughts are that if I had a friend who cut people off for having problematic (or in this case, just like, unsettling?) kinks, I would not feel safe around that friend. It would seem to me that they were judgemental, moralizing, and had a completely different viewpoint on how the world operated than I did, and that sooner or later they would demonize me for things I thought, fantasized about, felt, and so on. I might have sympathy if the person was a trauma survivor early in their recovery, as it's quite common for people to think in very dogmatic, black-and-white ways about morality in order to protect themselves and to be highly reactive to perceived threat. But their feelings of safety are their own business to guard over, and mine are mine, and I just wouldn't be able to get along very intimately with someone like that. I'd have to give them a wide berth until they started to get over it, if they got over it.

Recently, a friend of mine was completely ostracized from their local queer community simply for writing a piece that touched on a taboo fantasy -- a taboo fantasy they had concocted as a way to cope with some really gnarly early childhood abuse. They lost performance gigs and friends, had hate campaigns erected against them, had mobs of people threatening all their remaining friends and colleages, all based on a rumor about a piece that they never even got to perform anywhere because someone had heard it was about a taboo subject and even the IDEA of what it might be made them uncomfortable, and so they assumed my friend was condoning abuse when they were literally just describing what had already happened to them and how they found healing from it. Shit like this sucks, and it comes down most heavily against queer people, especially trans femmes, and I've seen the fear mongering ruin enough lives that I try to steer really clear of it.

My life has been so blessed by inclusion of people with really intense, taboo, stigmatized kinks into my life. I was afraid to even breathe a word of my hypnosis fetish to anybody until I was in my late 20s, because I thought it was so freakish and evil. and now I routinely talk with people about really animalistic feral fantasies, harkness rule violating monsterfucking, rape play, necro fantasies, abdl, age regression, incest roleplaying, blood, eating bodily fluids, and everything else that freaks people out but harms no living being. Even when it's not my stuff, even when it's something I might personally find a little squicky to actually be in the room with, it makes me feel seen, safe, and free to express the depths within me. I think surrounding yourself with more people like that or just consuming their stories can help a lot. And trying to find some mental distance from the people who do fear monger and get triggered. They have their reasons for feeling as they do. But that doesn't mean we have to align with their values or actions.

[stevishabitat]

This is what happens when a tool created by Black folks gets appropriated to the wider internet.

Black folks wanted to have conversations online without white people inserting themselves and offering opinions about things that were frankly none of their business.

So you would see variations on "white people DNI" on posts particularly about things like colorism, misogynoir, Black LGBTQIA+ issues, etc.

The DNI wasn't on their personal profile or a pinned post or something. It was on the specific post to let people know that although the post was public for everyone to see, it wasn't for Everyone to Comment On.

And of course, like everything else on the internet, it spread beyond the Black creators to everyone else - without the cultural context. DNI disclaimers were added to everything from queer topics and feminism, to sports and media fandom.

To the point where you had posts with "X Character Stans DNI".

But at least it was still on the posts themselves, or in tags, so you could see that this particular post, wherever you happened to come across it, was meant for a particular audience. If you didn't fall in that category, maybe just scroll on.

The jump to putting extensive and vague (or hyperspecific) DNI lists in your profile or on a pinned post or carrd or something... That's just so far outside the original intent.

The expectation that someone will 1. Look at that list before they follow you or respond to a post and 2. Actually do what's asked? Seems like a very strange thing to assume on the internet.

I mean, yeah maybe people will take it in good faith and be like "hmm maybe this person's stuff just isn't for me", but there are lots more bad faith people who will use that as an excuse to put their Troll Hat on and see if they can get a reaction from you.

If the thing you're putting in the DNI isn't that big a deal, then having a troll bother you with it might be annoying but not terrible. If you're listing things that are actually triggers for anxiety, a phobia, or ptsd? You are putting yourself at risk by publicizing it. Because bullies sniff that shit out like sharks on the hunt (see also: advertising that you're a teen 😱 don't do that!)

It's reasonable to list the topics you commonly post about, to give potential followers a heads up about what they're likely to see in your posts - in your profile or pinned post - especially if you aren't great at tagging.

Make that list clear and easy to find and read. That makes it easier for visitors/potential followers to decide if your blog is a good fit for them.

A simple line like "I reserve the right to block as I see fit" serves as enough warning that if people rub you the wrong way you aren't going to engage.

Honestly, you don't owe anyone on the internet a reason for blocking or filtering or using tags to curate your internet environment.

You don't owe any random stranger a welcome into your living room. You can say "No Thanks!" and firmly shut the door. If they try to shove letters through your door, you don't have to read them - put them straight in the recycle bin.

"xyz DNI" blocking people is YOUR job, sorry. You cannot ask the world to simply move around you, you have to take control of your online experience or you will be fucking miserable forever. Most people don't read your bio/pinned/carrd before touching the posts that cross their dash anyways.

Also maybe worry less about if someone who likes something you hate clicks on your tumblr post. I promise it is not that fucking serious.

Also-also if you have this DNI because your friends/moots said or implied you have to otherwise you're somehow Bad and/or will be punished by them if you don't, that's kind of fucked and maybe you need less controlling friends.

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Hey bestie, dropping by with a mea culpa. When Peaceful Property started, you expressed concern that GMMTV was inching toward a model of using bl pairs in shows that would avoid being explicitly gay but still draw on shipping fandom to be successful. Coming off The Trainee, which was not a bl but did have expIicitly queer characters and romance subplots, I wasn't sure the intentions were quite that dark for PP, but having now finished it and seen the way some in the production have interacted with shipper fans, I have to call it: you were right to be concerned. At no point was this show ever a bl and none of its principal characters are canonically queer, but they successfully leveraged the TayNew ship to have fans interacting with it as if it was in fact a gay love story, that idea and fan commentary was explicitly encouraged by the creators, and the show has been quite successful despite never actually delivering on all the TayNew bait. I'm definitely concerned that we might have somehow swung back around to queerbaiting being seen as acceptable and good, as long as it features popular branded pairs. I don't have any bigger thoughts to offer about how this should be addressed, but just wanted to come back and say you were valid for naming that!

Thank you. I didn't want to be correct. And I am still hoping to wrong about what this says about where GMMTV is going.

But I am not gonna lie, seeing the posts about the finale did regnite the massive fury I had at this project when it was first called a bromance. So I am going to use your ask as an opportunity to vent.

FOR THE RECORD: I am not mad at you, or at the people and mutual on my dash that have enjoyed the show and are claiming as gay out of spite. My anger is at GMMTV and at GMMTV alone.

THEY DID THIS SHIT TWICE ALREADY!!! Back to fucking back.

I know High Schoool Frenemy is being watched by like 5 people on tumblr. But it's doing well outside of tumblr. They are using bl style fanservice with the 2 main boys of that show. I have seen the shippy content and compilations along with the other bl couples. Not to mention people like Jojo saying those characters are the his new favorite ship on twitter.

AND I AM SO PISSED!!!!

I am glad you brought up TayNew because there is no doubt in my mind that they used TayNew for Peaceful Property as a test. They knew there could be backlash. They knew the bl fandom could have rioted. But they also knew that if it that rage would have been directed at TayNew not at the director, not the company but TAYNEW.

And I think TayNew knew this. Because they spend weeks on social media doing preintive damage control, I have seen the posts of them (or at least New) saying it wasn't going to be romantic. I don't think the two of them forgot how they were left to eat the shit alone over the bullshit backlash during the TayGun kiss situation with GMMTV doing fuck all for them.

And what pisses me off is that BL audience didn't even give a backlash. They eat that shit up like it was fucking icecream.

The BL audience is literally doing their job for them. They are taking a show with some gay subtext and running with it.

They are showing up for the fanservice (again broder audience outside of tumblr), and gleefully closing their eyes and ears and saying well I Think It's Gay.

What do you think Mega Corporation GMMTV is going to take from the success and no backlash? If the answear is anything but: We can produce half of the BLs as usual and make the rest Bromances, you have more faith in corporations then I do.

Because Bromances can be watched by non BL audiences as well. The BL niche is a big one, but it is still a niche.

And now they won't even have to bother inserting arguable quality gay commentary or struggles or homophobia. Or any gay kissing, no more workshops. No more worries about how effective these potential straight boys are going to be at playing gay. All they have to do is making them do fanservice, and they are great at training people for that. Or better yet, actually use one or two ships that have kissed before and done actual BLs.

Will they stop doing BL at all, obviously not, you gotta give the BL audience something to remind them they can still show boys kissing, and we have the Ex Morning and Jojo that will never actually stop making BLs and some gay shit. But if in the next line up we will more bromances, and eventually we get half BL and half bromances I wouldn't be surprised.

Of course maybe I am just pessimistic and cynical. Maybe the proto bdsm in the heart killers is enough to persuade people that I am totally wrong. I guess we will see about that.

Thanks again for the ask and the oppurtunity to vent a little. Again I don't fault anyone for enjoying this, it was design to get the BL audience watching.

I will personally be keeping with my own resolution and never watch another gmmtv show live ever again, maybe binge the few that sound interesting and that's it.

At least I can find comfort in the idea that that other companies do not have the same level of BIG cast of boys and big budget to do the same thing and follow in the bromance trend.

[genderqueerdykes]

your post makes no sense? all of the identities that you named are NOT cis men??? and quite frankly it feels transphobic for you to consider them that

i'm a trans woman so i'm part of the group i'm commenting on. you do realize that a bigender trans woman who identifies as a trans woman and a cis man is still partially a cis man and that's not transphobic and it doesn't invalidate their trans womanhood, right? you do realize that a transfemme cis man is still a cis man and that doesn't invalidate their femmehood, right? you do realize a transfemme genderfluid person who identifies as a cis man is still partially a cis man and it doesn't invalidate their other genders, right? being bigender doesn't completely erase 1/2 of the identity. being a woman doesn't cancel out being a man. are you seriously saying that because that person has a queer identity means that it totally erases the fact that they are literally also identifying in plain english that they are also a cis man?

immersing yourself in the transfeminine community will help with this drastically. i don't know you or your history, but most of my IRL friends are transfeminine, myself included. there are many of my transfem friends who never want to be considered a man, and that's perfectly fine. however, i would say a good 1/3rd of the trans women i've met have also still identified as a cis gay man on some level. without shame, without it taking away their womanhood. existing alongside each other; parallel. if you meet and befriend a good number of transfeminine people you will find out that a lot of transfems identify as cis men and trans women at the same time. that's not new. many trans women identify as cis gay men and trans women at the same time. like, it's an extremely common thing. bigender means having two genders- one is trans woman, the other is cis man for people who identify this way. this person is a trans woman, a cis man, and a bigender person.

this doesn't make that person a bigender person, and a trans woman only. why do you think it's okay to completely erase that person's male identity? why do you think it's okay to completely ignore someone's manhood for the sake of their other identity? cis manhood isn't "icky". it doesn't get cancelled out by queerness. them partially being a cis man does not invalidate their trans womanhood. wake the fuck up, you're being transmisogynstic as hell right now and it's embarrassing.

a question you must ask yourself: why are you insinuating that it is transphobic to refer to someone correctly? my post specifically referred to trans women who also identify as cis men in their own words. why, in your mind, is this a bad thing? you MUST ask yourself why it's "transphobic" to acknowledge these identities and refer to these individuals correctly. you must ask yourself why you're putting your comfort before someone else's representation. there are transfemme cis men. there are transfeminine genderfluid people who identify as cis men when they are men. there are non binary cis men. why do you think that cis men cannot be queer, or trans? why are you assuming that a trans woman being a cis man at the same time is transphobic? why

this reeks of "woman cannot be man at the same time or else woman get cancelled out"

what is confusing about trans women having multiple genders? what's wrong with a bigender, multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, genderfuck, gender non conforming, and/or intersex trans woman having a male identity that's also cis? what's wrong with that? how does that erase or "conflict" with the rest of their identity in any capacity?

there are bigender trans men who are cis women and trans men at the same time. there are bigender trans women who are cis men and trans women at the time. literally how does that not make sense. please explain to me how it doesn't make sense. every single person who has told me i'm not making sense hasn't told me why. please explain to me why you proudly and loudly saying that bi/multigender trans women don't exist is okay, but me fighting for people to understand that they do is transphobic.

stop virtue signalling and shoot the cop in your mind dead. in your attempt to look like a hero and earn brownie points all you did was show that you literally don't understand multigender, genderqueer, non binary, and other gender vast experiences. trans women won't magically like you more now because you decided to show everyone that you think it's transphobic to call someone who overtly in their own words identifies as a cis man, a cis man.

cis men aren't the devil. calm down and stop freaking the hell out over the fact that you can in fact be a cis man and a trans woman at the same time. the sun will still rise. the world will keep turning. it's not transphobic to refer to someone by the terms they ask you to use. get over yourself on this one, anon. that's your cross to bear: you are the transphobe. do yourself a favor and look into multigenderism before you decide to comment on trans theory again

you thought yourself into a corner and you can't find your way out.

[to-be-a-dreamer]

Okay so I'm from the Newsies fandom which means I know how to make character backstories out of literally nothing and I'm done with my "This makes no sense what were the writers thinking?" stage of grief after the BuckTommy breakup and it's time to go to work and start asking "What could have happened to make this make sense?".

Because regardless of what you think about Tommy, it's very clear that the writers have characterized him (in the current stage of his life) as someone who has put in a lot of work to become a better person, is a very steady figure, and feels very confident in himself and his identity. We've also been told and shown that he and Buck care for each other a lot and neither of them wanted this relationship to end. So the question is, what happened in Tommy's past that could have caused this very confident, mature person to realize he's falling in love with his partner and then choose to leave?

"I'm your first, not your last."

How many times has Tommy been someone's first? How many times has he shown another man this new side of himself, taught them what it means to be queer and how to love yourself for it, and been left behind once they figured themselves out? How many times has he been someone's first and had a whirlwind romance, only to be left brokenhearted because his partners had a whole new world opened up to them only to realize they didn't want Tommy to be a part of that world?

Does Tommy think of himself as the guy people have fun with, not the guy they want to marry? Does Tommy think there's something wrong with him, that there's a reason no one ever sees a future with him? Do you think he's always told himself that he would keep trying, that it's worth the potential heartbreak to find out if this next guy might be the one who stays?

Did the way Buck was talking about their relationship being transformative for him just sound too familiar? Did he think Buck liked him because he was showing him something new, not because he could ever actually love someone like Tommy? Do you think he could never imagine Buck liking him anywhere near as much as Tommy liked him?

Do you think he realized he was falling in love with Buck, and the idea of losing him like all the others was just too much? Do you think he knew the potential heartbreak of someone as incredible as Buck deciding he didn't want Tommy in his future wasn't worth it this time? Do you think he was afraid of falling in love with Buck, of falling so deeply in love that he wouldn't be able to recover when Buck left him like all the others? Do you think he decided it was better to break things off with Buck before he could finish falling in love with him?

Do you think they could come back from this? That maybe, just maybe, if Tommy told Buck about all of his fears that he could convince Tommy that it is worth it to find out if they could make it?

"I'm not the guy people decide to spend their life with. They- you'll finish figuring yourself out and realize you don't want a future with me. And that's okay, I just... I don't want to let myself finish falling in love with you first because I won't survive losing you after that."

"Do you think that little of me? That I'm just using you for my own personal gain and that I'll leave you in the dust as soon as I get what I want?"

"I... No. No, I don't think you would do that."

"Then give us a chance. Let me show you that this is more than just an awakening for me. Let me prove that I want to finish falling in love with you too."

Because I think that's what Tommy's afraid of. He's a person who's spent a lot of time self-reflecting and he knows himself so well, especially his faults. I think he’s afraid of Buck seeing all of those faults and realizing he doesn’t love Tommy as much as he thought he did. Loving someone means you see every part of them and want to be with them anyways.

I think Tommy is terrified of falling in love with someone because he can't imagine anyone loving him back.

[is-it-mungojerry-or-rumpelteazer]

#it was gut-wrenching #but it wan't bad writing #Buck is doing what he always does and jumps in head first without getting on thr same page as his partner #Tommy has been apprehensive about the relationship from the beginning #He has been constantly asking himself “Is this real?” and wanting it to be so badly but not believing it #My attention? #Was that okay? #i think you're adorable but I don't think you're ready #enjoy it while it lasts #i'm just trying to keep up #it's a beautiful thing having a crew like this behind you even when things go wrong #i know we're mostly getting Tommy through Buck's eyes #buck who repeatedly says Tommy“ #confident #but being confident in your sexuality and your job does not mean being confident in yourself or your relationships #people alwsys talk about how well they communicate but it's easy to communicate about the things you feel alright about #it's a lot harder to communicate about your insecurities #So Tommy is dating this great guy but he isn't sure how serious he is and he knows that he has just uncovered a part of himself #and Tommy is probably thinking about how he had to leave the 118 to recreate himself and he thinks Buck will to #but Buck is so earnest but he's moving way too fast for tommy and it's their 6th month anniversary and Tommy is getting excited #he's buying them lakers tickets and he's not thinking about a breakup but Buck is acting weird about taking some womens pictures #and they've been dating 6 months and Buck doesn't know he's gay not bi #and you haven't talked about exes yet but maybe it's just because he's being cautious since this is his first queer relationship #so you let it go and you let him pick up the check #and then you're going to a movie and you get a great parking spot #and you suggest an uber so you don't have to trek out to your car tomorrow morning for your shift #but suddenly he's acting weird and you think this is it he's breaking up with me #but he's showing you pictures of Abby #and oh. he's the himbo. you didn't mean to offend him but you didn't and now he's complmenting you #and this situation did a quick 180 because now he's asking you to move in

okay maybe controversial but i’m personally not surprised buck didn’t fight back on tommy breaking up with him and I don’t think it specifically is bad writing. i think it’s exactly who he is as a character. buck and tommy were good together and in a better world could have been (could still be, maybe) each other’s forevers. but ultimately neither of them were able to confront their own flaws. buck still refuses to take any agency once a romantic relationship hits a point of conflict and tommy refuses to imagine anything good for himself that isn’t temporary. this might put me in opposition to a lot of common thought in the fandom but i don’t think over the course of their relationship buck and tommy ever truly changed each other or changed for each other. and i think that’s why at the first crack they fell apart so quickly. i don’t think tommy ever even considered that whatever buck might’ve been ready for would be something lasting, and i don’t think buck ever quite saw far past enough tommy’s coolness and confidence to consider that setting the pace might’ve been more for tommy than for him. all of this to say, to me this wasn’t a breakup between the shadow selves of characters i love. it was two characters i love breaking up for being exactly the people i love them for being. and yeah, it’s a tragedy. but i fucking love tragedies, so

[ghostgirl-22]

Do you think patrick ever put on a queer/gay movie as a subtle way to get art out of his shell, like "yeah dude ive wanted to watch this movie for ages" and its okay its chill, look how hot they are, look how happy they are

"Is kissing boys different to kissing girls?"

Oh he definitely did… I’m sorry this is so long nonnie!!!

CW: 18+ NSFW | period typical internalized homophobia

—-

Patrick’s lying in Arts bed with his headphones on going through his catalogue of dvds trying to figure out what B movie they can watch and make fun of while they get high. The whole time Art is using his back as a writing surface to finish his math homework.

Patrick pulls his headphones off and drops them on the ground. “It’s Friday. Do you have to do that now?”

“It’s Friday night, we have the tournament Saturday and Sunday so when exactly?” Art says distractedly, erasing.

“On the bus like I do.” Patrick smiles and turns to look at him. Art pushes his shoulder back down. Patrick shrugs and focuses back on his dvds.

“Stay still.” Art demands.

“Forgive me if I’m just trying to get you to have a little fun in our last few months at Mark Reballato Tennis Academy.”

“You know I do actually plan to graduate, right?” Art says dryly.

“So you can go to Stanford?” Patrick says wrinkling his nose in irritation.

Art puts his notebook down on Patrick’s back. “You know Tashi’s gonna be there right?”

Patrick shrugs. “So, just two overtalented people wasting time…”

“Aww so you’re calling me talented?” Art teases.

“You are,” Patrick says. “When you don’t think too much, which Stanford should help you with. I’m sure they don’t over think anything there.”

“Whatever man,” Art sighs. If anything it’ll help my tennis. I think you’re just scared I might steal her away.”

“Not even a little bit, but speaking of her… do you remember how you let me put my tongue in your mouth?” Patrick smirks.

Art goes all quiet like he’s doing homework again but Patrick doesn’t hear the pencil scratching paper.

“You always bring it up like you think I want you or something.”

“You wanted something, I felt it,” Patrick says pushing himself up as Art grabs the notebook off him before it falls.

“Come on man, don’t be gross, that was for her.”

“How is that gross?” Patrick asks, mildly amused, mildly irritated.

“You know what I mean,” Art says. “‘m not gay.”

“You know there’s nothing wrong with it right? Not to mention I’ve seen you before…touched you before… and…I mean remember what we did after she left? Didn’t I make you feel better?”

“We don’t always have to talk about it.”

“We don’t never have to talk about it either.” Patrick counters.

Art takes a deep breath and rests his head against the wall trying to find a way to change the subject. “Dude, if you’re gay just let me have another shot with her.” Is what he comes up with, dumb pretty smirk on his lips.

Patrick rolls his eyes. “Yeah whatever, fine I’m gay…actually that reminds me of this movie you can gayly watch with your gay best friend.”

“I’m just joking. You don’t have to—“

“Well I’m not joking, come on, put this away, loser,” Patrick grabs his notebook and stuffs the papers inside.

“Okay Jesus, Patrick don’t wrinkle it all up.”

“I’m not, chill out. Get the smoke detector.”

Art sighs and climbs off the bed. He steps on Patrick’s bed and reaches up to disconnect the detector from its place on the ceiling. He puts it in the bathroom. Then he shoves a towel beneath the crack in the door.

All the while Patrick’s combing through his dvd case for one random movie he borrowed from Netflix at the start of the year and he’d forgotten to mail it back so they charged him. (That’s sadly how he ended up with a lot of his dvd collection.) He’d watched it once by himself because he thought the main guys were hot and he wanted to jerk off in peace without Art voicing confusion at the idea of him jerking it for a man.

But it had been surprisingly deep for one of those campy queer movies. And of course it was about a guy in love with his roommate which… even for Art’s ability to delude himself wouldn’t be subtle at all.

“What’s this?” Art asks.

“The movie we’re gonna watch. This guy is a male hooker but he ends up getting hired by this old guy who mostly just wants his company.”

Art frowns.

“Come on, relax. You can be straight and watch it. Movies don’t turn people gay and you’re not gay…so what’s the big deal?”

Art looks like he wants to argue but decides it’ll just be easier to surrender. Patrick rolls the joint while Art puts it in the dvd player.

It’s not all his fault. Art was raised with apple pie and Americana. He’s a J Crew catalogue wearing, red blooded New England boy. His family is pretty liberal but in the way that they support all of it as long as it remains out there faceless and unknown… far away from their life and their home. Art’s expected to play a sport, go to an ivy, marry a beautiful girl and likely start a career in politics if tennis doesnt pay off. So this idea that life could ever deviate from that makes him glitch out.

All the tension they have between them is so much easier to just bury. Like none of it matters. It’s not supposed to change the trajectory of his cookie cutter life anyway.

Art sits on his bed next to Patrick they’re both leaning against the wall Patricks feet dangling over the mattress, Art with his legs crossed. Patrick lights up the joint and hands it to him.

—-

They’re pretty baked halfway through and Arts fidgety. It’s at a scene where the main character is touching himself watching his roommate in the shower. “He’s hot right?” Patrick asks.

Art takes a breath. “Dude.”

“Yeah I know…you’re not gay.” Patrick smirks, but even in the dim glow of the tv he can see the way Art’s already starting to show in his boxers.

The third roommate catches the main character watching and wants to suck him off. Then while third roommate is sucking him he starts fantasizing about all three of them hooking up, kissing sloppy on the bed.

“Is this porn?” Art whispers. “Are we really watching gay porn?”

“No I wish… unfortunately they don’t show you that much but imagine if me and you and Tashi were roommates.You watching her shower… while I…”

Art makes a strangled noise and Patrick rubs his own cock, smiling to himself. Art’s just getting there but Patrick’s been hard for the last 30 minutes.

“Patrick,” Art whispers. He’s starting to touch himself over his boxers.

“Give me the joint,” Patrick says, softly. It’s their third one. “If you drop it on the bed again we’ll both be in trouble.”

Art hands it over and Patrick puts it out in the ashtray on the nightstand. He moves closer to Art reaching over to help him. Art leans back, letting Patrick take over. Patrick reaches into his boxers. “Mm Patrick… have you seen her naked?” Art asks.

“No,” Patrick whispers. “Just her underwear. But…I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

“I feel like I can still taste her lips.” He moans while Patrick plays with him. Patrick can’t help but ease his other hand into his own pants. “I wanna…ah… I wanna… see her all soaped up wet and…” Art continues.

“And…?” Patrick breathes.

“Fuck… can you… can we…do what we did after…”

Patrick smiles and nods even though Art likely can’t see him. He gets on his knees and Art scoots towards the edge of the bed. Patrick takes Art’s boxers down and starts sucking him off. touching himself the whole time.

“Mm fuck,” Art breathes.

He barely lasts 2 minutes before he’s filling Patrick’s mouth with so much jizz. Patrick swallows it down, while listening to Art moaning for him. All the hair on his arms standing up. He rests his head against Art’s thigh making quick work of himself, using part of the sheet to keep it from getting all over the floor.

Patrick settles where he is on the floor, breathless when he’s done. Looking up at the television like it was fucking nothing even though his heart is still racing.

Main character has moved so far away from the threesome fantasy. He’s now angsty and worried about his best friend who’s apparently being pursued by someone else. Some other more wholesome gay man. Patrick ponders rewinding but when he looks up at Art, he’s lying back on the bed, hand casually on the waistband of his boxers, tapping his bare feet on the floor just watching.

Patrick rubs Arts leg idly.

“Who’s this loser?” Art asks of the more wholesome gay man.

Patrick laughs. It’s exactly what he thought on his first watch through.

They end up watching the rest of the film. Again, it’s surprisingly more emotional than the premise (male hooker wants to fuck his roommates). Main character ends up learning to be more open about his feelings in his time chatting with the elder gay client. And the emotional part is hearing the elder gay man talk about what he went through to fall in love with his partner when it was much more taboo and unacceptable. And how even though they meet late in life they still lived such a full and happy life (if too short) before his partner passed. And main character’s roommate even gives him a chance and they go out on a date.

Art’s rubbing his eyes when it’s over.

Patrick gets back on the bed next to him. “That was nice right?”

Art’s clearly trying to hide his feelings so he just nods and when he feels okay to use his voice he says. “Seems kinda deep for you.”

“Well I can be deep,” Patrick smirks. He curls his fingers into Art’s hair. “I mean it’s cool right? They were happy.”

”I always wonder where they imagine movies like this to happen? San Francisco probably.” Art laughs, lightly. He looks away from Patrick and Patrick puts his hand back by his side.

“Well I think it could happen anywhere but good thing you're going to California soon.” Patrick says, just as light.

Art looks at him again and then looks at his lap. “I mean it wasn’t just her that made me feel…” he murmurs.

“Me too,” Patrick says.

“So I don’t know…I mean I’m not gay but…but maybe I’m something else…”

“I definitely am.”

Art sighs. “You make me something else.”

“Is that so bad?” Patrick asks.

Art rubs his hands on his thighs and then leans in and gives Patrick a kiss.

(Had to google if Netflix existed in 2006 😭😭 it did but they mailed dvds. Also I made Patrick lie. Movies definitely make you gay. Look what Challengers has done to me!!)

[outrunningthedark]

“know that they’ve felt, sometimes, unfairly treated. Whether or not it was unfair, I don’t speak to that”

And that right there is exactly why I haven’t fucked with Oliver since April.

I read that and immediately felt sick, cos wtf do you mean you knew about the harassment cos these women told you about it and never said a word to stop it (cos after all these are YOUR FANS WHO ARE DOING THIS OLIVER) but you also now can’t even admit how it was unfair????

Coward. I knew from that quote that Lou was on his own. And I was right.

That’s why people getting upset when we talk about it now, after everything, is so funny because uh, we’re not the ones who put that quote out there.

Oliver did.

Oliver made it known that he preferred to pretend nothing was wrong because the hate wasn’t being directed at him and THEN couldn’t even say those actresses were just doing the job asked of them.

Oliver burst his own “perfect” bubble by pandering to a part of the fan base that ran him off of Twitter. Because he let them.

He should have known repeating patterns with a queer ship was gonna bite his ass in the end, lol. If he’s still worried about fans of a certain ship while his character is in a relationship with a different man…tell people you only think about yourself without telling us. (And that’s what’s happened!)

[anachronisticcrab]

I can't win with fucking allo people.

I love being aroace. I'm proud of it, I'm not ashamed of it, all of that. I don't want romance or sex or anything along those lines, and I'm happy with that.

But in a society that puts romantic love at the highest peak of importance, I'm left out

I've lost more friends than I can count because they got a partner and no longer wanted me around as much, because they asked to kiss me so I would know what it's like cause how could I not want to, because I wasn't comfortable playing dating sims with them.

I can't win with cishet allo people because they can't conceptualize it. They want things to be in their field of understanding, and I don't fit into that, so they question me. About everything. Then they get a partner and I lose them to some degree.

Its possibly even worse with queer people. My queer friends place so much of their identity in their sexuality that it's nearly impossible to fit into those spaces when your sexuality and romantic preference is nonexistent. Queer liberation has massively been about how love is love, but I don't fit into that and I never will.

Allo people would prefer it if I wanted to want a romantic relationship, I think. If I wanted to want it, then I wouldn't be broken. Then they could make dirty jokes about me instead of just with me. Then they could joke about how we were basically married without me ever recoiling in disgust.

Then they wouldn't feel as guilty when they forget about me when they get a romantic partner.

But if I wanted to want, allo people would double down on how I haven't met the right person or that I'm confused. If I'm not 100% happy being aroace all the time, I'm not aroace enough. And I'm clearly wrong.

Side note: Why do allo people think it's ok to wish they were aro and/or ace? It's not funny to joke about it when u are one of the people who fucking ostracize me for it. It's not funny when youre not dating anyone and call yourself aroace, it's not a choice and it's not silly. It's not cute when straight women call themselves lesbians because they're annoyed with men, it's not cute when straight men call themselves gay because they're annoyed with women, it's not funny when people joke about being aroace because they're annoyed with romance. Also, why do allo people not think before they say shit like 'if u don't fuck/date, what do u do? How are u human?'

I don't put a ton of stock into my new friendships with allo people anymore because I just fucking can't. If I do, I will be completely fucking crushed when they leave because I know that when I do value a friendship, I will always care more about the allo than they do about me. I am sick of caring about others more than they care about me, but this won't change until I meet another romance repulsed aro, who I haven't met yet because (shocker) being aro? Not the most common sexuality.

Tl;DR: I just... I can't fucking win. I'm too queer for straight ppl, not queer enough for queer ppl, too aroace if I don't go along with amatonormativity and not aroace enough if I don't. I'm lonely, my allo friends will always value others over me, and I constantly have people undermining my sexuality with stupid jokes and offhand comments. I'm sick of allo people.

[haunting-hufflepuffs-basement]

You know what? You're right! Sorry, I'mma hijack your post. Have some headcanons for The Valkyries, my loves!

Marlene:

Suuuuper physical and athletic. Enjoys getting up close and personal. Obviously this means she's a quidditch beater, but she also learned about roller derby from Lily and Mary and became obsessed. Every summer she drags them to do roller derby at least once, and she's on a muggle team.

Marlene's default response to any negative emotion is FIGHT. You know how some people will cry when they're angry or tired or overwhelmed? Marlene starts swinging, both physically and verbally at the sign of any bad feeling: physical discomfort, sadness, just being really stressed---she's got a short temper.

Marlene is an extrovert. She requires interaction with other people to function. Isolating causes her to get too into her own head and wear herself out trying to keep up with her own thoughts (and also she gets bored easily). Being around others relaxes her. This is unfortunate, because she's not too fond of many other people.

Marlene is omnisexual with a heavy preference toward women. Her parents are homophobic. This does take a toll on her. She's in heavy denial for a lot of her school years, despite gravitating toward other queer people, and she stays closeted for even longer. When she did come out, it put a lot of strain in the relationship, but the war made it so that both sides did their best to look past it and not bring things up. They died defending each other.

She's demiromantic, but allosexual. She'll one-night stand her friends, but a healthy romantic relationship for her does mean sex first.

Her best subjects are transfiguration, herbology, and defense against the dark arts, but her favorite is actually muggle studies. She gets average to below average marks and dislikes all her other classes. She's also dyslexic.

She's VERY scottish, and has a super thick accent (thanks @oneluckygoose)

Marlene's got a baby brother that she dotes on and adores, but he's like 5 years younger than her and in a different house, so he doesn't interact with her school-friends much. They do go out of their way to send each other rude mail at breakfast and everybody else has learned to sit several seats away before either McKinnon opens a package.

She's punk as all get out. In dress, interests, attitude, whatever. She's a punk.

She's the best of the group at apparating. She took to it like a frog to water, and will pull a Fred and George and apparate really short distances just to show off.

Mary:

Is a user of weaponized kindness. Her motto is the one that goes "Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much." As someone who experiences untold bigotry as a black queer muggleborn woman from both the wizarding world and the muggle one, she's got the art of making YOU feel like the asshole perfected. When people say rude things to her, she usually smiles and responds by asking them how their day has been and why they're so angry right now. She'll listen genuinely and try to respond with kindness because it makes that person feel like the bigoted dick they are. The ruder they are to her, the calmer and more polite she gets.

But she's not a doormat. She's the kind of girl who could go into politics with how she's capable of proving you wrong and defusing a situation in one sentence. She won't let people take advantage of her or be needlessly mean, but she's not going to stoop to their level and be rude right back. She's also capable of really subtle insults that go straight over their heads

She's a lesbian trans girl! She's also fat and hot af.

She loves fashion, but not trends. She likes to look hot, and that frequently means DENYING trends. She loves thrifting and retouching and sewing shit herself. She also makes an effort to make sure her materials are ethically sourced. Her aesthetic is basically "regal elegant princess if she decided to wear casual wear that day." She's also really great at dressing other people and loves to do so. Give her a list of what you like and a solid week, and she'll have at least 5 good outfits put together.

She doesn't play quidditch because she's afraid of heights, but she does enjoy the strategy behind the game and is quite good at muggle soccer/football.

She's a pianist. She's been taking lessons since she was like 7.

She's VERY good at networking. Her genuine care and affection for the human population, her gentleness, and her sweet voice all make her very approachable. She's the one who first made friends with kids in other houses, and she did a lot for fusing the groups.

She's seen as one of the big teachers of muggle culture at school. People feel like they can go to her with their questions, and she does a lot to help close the gap between the two worlds with the students she's close to.

Despite both these things, she's introverted, and dislikes large crowds of people she doesn't know well.

Her best subjects are charms, astronomy, and history of magic (she doesn't let binns stop her. She learns everything from textbooks).

Lily

While Marlene is the most likely to start a fistfight, Lily is the most likely to start a verbal spar. She is VERY opinionated and unafraid to make those opinions known. If you say something she thinks is wrong, she'll call you out on it immediately. Which one of them is most likely to start a magic duel is a toss-up, depending on their moods that day.

Lily takes it upon herself to watch over and take care of other people. Lost first year? Congratulations, you're adopted now. She'll give you directions, draw you a map of the school, show you all the secret passages and periodically check up on you at meals. Desk-partner who's struggling in potions? You won't be struggling for long because you've just gained a personal tutor. Crying in the bathroom? She's comforting you, helping with your problem, inviting you to girls night, and getting ice cream with you every hogsmeade weekend.

While this is something she loves doing and is a natural inclination of hers, it also exhausts her and leaves her very little energy for people she DOESN'T like.

She relies very heavily on her first impressions and gut instincts. While they're usually right, she does have some difficulty reexamining when people have changed. On the other hand, it makes her great at split second decisions, especially in tense situations.

She's a champ at wizard's chess, to a degree that frightens people. She got her own set as a gift from Alice (who taught her how to play) in second year.

Her favorite flowers are petunias. Always have been and always will be. She always keeps a pot of them in her dorm and later her house, and sends her sister a pressed one for her birthday every year, even after Petunia stopped responding.

She's an academic over achiever who LOVES school. Like genuinely adores it. She likes being in school. She also attends muggle summer school, and has an impressive command of classical literature, math, and physics.

She's a sucker for animals, and loves being outdoors in general. She's the closest of the group to Hagrid, and helps him out with stuff like taking care of the owls in the winter.

She's demisexual and panromantic, and also absolutely oblivious to romance. She hates romance novels and romcoms, can't tell when her friends are crushing on each other unless they make it ridiculously obvious (James Potter levels obvious), and even then she thinks it's sarcasm a lot. This all makes her eventual feelingd for James even more annoying to her.

She excels at every subject except transfiguration, which she's average at (this annoys her to no end and she stubbornly studies the shit out of it). The only reason she's not getting 12 OWLs is because she sees no need for Muggle Studies and doesn't like Divination. She has a particular knack for Potions and Charms though, with a special focus on Potions. She just GETS the theory and is able to translate it on an instinctual level.

Lily makes a point of not swearing in front of teachers or younger students, but she swears pretty regularly when in a relaxed casual setting, and is even worse than Marlene when she's pissed (she gets really creative).

She wanted to go to university and become a professional potioneer. She never got the chance.

While I do think Alice is part of their friend group, I also think she's a year above them, so I don't include her in my "valkyries" stuff. I do think she was a really big mentor/big sister figure for all three valkyries as they got their feet under them, and found herself pleasantly shocked when they started mentoring HER in their own ways. I also think she and Frank are the token straights.

it hurt me deeply when i see the marauders get such deep and complex personalities while the girls simply get 'loves to play w { insert one of the marauders'} hair.

the girls of the marauders era deserve to have ten times as much headcanons as the boys do.

to all the devil's advocates out there that may misconstruct my words, i understand that the boys have way more canon info to go off of but if we are always trying to develop more headcanons/make up new headcanons for these characters why couldn't we do it for the girls as well!?

NOW pls do not take what i say next as a personal and direct attack because it simply is not! I love every single character and everyone's collective developments to expand on each. it is really amazing!

from what i seen, we mostly have developed new characters like barty and evan and whoever to have such deep personalities as well and i literally do not see the same for any of our lovely ladies. (i do enjoy all the new characters we have added to the era!)

so what i'm trying to say is can we show some love for our girlies in the marauders era!!?

i'm just yapping sozzzzz

[youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal]

Lesbian Regina George that, pan Karen Shetty that. But what about queer Gretchen Wieners. “What’s Wrong With Me” is RIGHT THERE.

[losergaymothman]

I don’t think you guys UNDERTSNAD how important Edwin and Charles’ relationship is to me as an aroace person. THAT is what I want from a relationship. Something such an obvious mix of romantic and platonic and I-don’t-even-know that all the lines blur bc the only important thing is that you love them like you’ve loved nothing else and are so devoted that you would do nothing else but love and protect and cherish them for all your worth. isn’t it the love that matters more than what type of love it is? why do their labels need to be so cut and dry? why does it need to be anything more? why can’t they just be? why can’t they love each other how they want to love each other? why do they need to be anything else?

[lovvecherrymotion]

thoughts on Nace's antibiotic tit milk please

i feel like drinking it would fix all my problems