#queer people asking what’s ‘wrong’ with them

[bolters-and-rivets]

I guess it's my time to drop a relavent example.

today I was at the job centre to discuss support for finding employment, and at multiple points they dropped compliments, about how I was confident I seemed, about how, when I brought up that I feel like I can't engage in conversations properly because I draw a blank, they said they didn't notice anything lacking. you wanna know what I'm really like, up in my head?

at school I was hated, reviled even, I don't know if it's because I was an autistic child with no filter in a way that made me insufferable to be around or if they were just being dicks. the end result was the same; I was conditioned over years of constant ridicule to feel used to having hateful remarks casually directed my way in the manner one comments upon the weather.

what made it worse was having my dad die and the school promptly giving up on preventing the others from bullying me, their "sollution" was to put me in isolation in the fucking attic for the last year, needless to say my grades are, well I basically don't have any qualifications. I'm still struggling to find employment to this day because of it.

I cannot take a compliment, my mind just shuts down and I practically have to bite back a bitter retort because "NO!" my mind screams, "PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE ME!", why else would I be despised and at best tolerated by everyone I knew outside my family until I was practically an adult? why else would my first true freind be made at the tail end of school and live across the atlantic nearly 4000 miles away?

I made the mistake of wearing skinny genes ONCE when I started having an incling of maybe being queer in my early teens and the ridicule over months was so bad I'm still so repressed I have the emotional range of a fucking boulder. I'm off to pride with a freind next weekend and this whole time as I go to sleep every night I've got this nagging voice that I shouldn't expect to be welcome at pride because I'll be clocked as a guy and people will see me as a threat and I should accept that.

I am extremely lonely, I want nothing more than to find someone to share a life together with, but I'm scared that the moment someone does show an interest in me (HA! as if!) that I will flatout refuse by telling them that clearily they need to raise their standards because who the fuck would want to date someone like me? for all that I can see I don't have a single redeemable feature that makes me desirable, not looks nor skills nor personality.

I can assure you I am most certainly not confident, at any given moment my mind is a running commentry of how much I fucking suck, how I'm probably going to be alone and socially withdrawn for the rest of my life and it'll be entirely my fault.

I most certainly do not have it put together, I am currently getting to grips with aknowleging that I am battling addiction, both smoking and drinking, because my childhood was so bad I feel socially incompitent and cannot stand to be around other people whilst sober.

the only thing motivating me to go to the job centre and find a job right now is the fear of my unemployment benefits getting cut and ending up on the streets, in every other regard I'm asking myself "why bother" because every job I've had I've been fired or had to quit,

I received nonestop hateful remarks on full blast for 6 hours a day 5 days a week for 9 fucking years, my brain is hardwired to think that's the acceptable norm and receiving compliments makes me feel downright wrong as a person.

I'm nearly 30 years old, I cannot help but wonder how many years, how many decades is it gonna take me to be anything close to put together and emotionally healthy receiving the occasional compliment here and there with most people withholding praise because they assume I'm a well rounded and healthy indevidual?

Compliment them. That person you think has their shit together and wouldn't need it or want to hear it. They do. They absolutely do. Their shit is dispersed. I promise you. It is a shambles.

I've had someone tell me to my face that they would compliment me, but for the fact that I already know this or that about myself. Huh???? No. Sorry.

No I don't. In my weaker moments I become an ungrateful mud monkey that has never once internalized a compliment

I adore being told you like me or something I've done. It sustains me, and in my weaker moments when I forget that life is good and happy, you might catch me before I fall.

You ever had someone catch you like that? You can do it too. The ones that catch you have been you in that moment before and know they will be again.

[ckret2]

Wait I have to ask about some of those trans headcanons. Plz tell me about transfem Axel and Bigender Gideon.

(referring to my tags on this post!)

i'm giving you the gideon one first because the transfem axel one is stupid lmao.

When Gideon meets Mabel, he says one of the first things that drew him to her is that she "appreciates the sparkly things in life." So: Gideon appreciates the sparkly things, and this is a high priority to him.

He invites her over for makeovers, and his dressing room—

—is full of very feminine things. It's pink, it's sparkly, there's bows and feathers and flowers and ruffles and earrings and lipstick.

Mabel comes home with lipstick, eye shadow, false lashes, blush, fingernail extensions, curled hair, and a hair bow—which means Gideon had all those supplies. This is presented as his dressing room and we don't see his parents wearing that kind of stuff.

We know from out-of-canon sources that Gideon was unpopular before he found Journal 2, probably got picked on, and that's one reason he latched on to the journal's power. So that's one hint that there's Something Going On with Gideon that other kids twig as bullyable. It might be something else (like, he's fat, that's definitely bullyable), but it might be something queer.

If he's so eager to find a friend (or girlfriend) who appreciates the same "sparkly things" he does, it's probably because he's felt rejected by other kids in town who don't appreciate those things... or who judge him for appreciating them. Add on to that the fact that Gideon's got the speech patterns of a southern woman and steals high school girls' moisturizer, and he doesn't make for a terribly masculine little ten-year-old.

He latched on to Mabel so hard because she didn't judge him for any of those things. She saw a little boy into makeup and jewelry and sequins, and she got excited. She didn't see him as a weirdo... she saw him as someone just like her.

And Gideon looks at Mabel and sees someone just like him.

I headcanon that his crush on Mabel is only half because he wants to be with her. The other half is because he wants to be her: a cool pretty older girl (nearly a teen!) with long curly hair and skirts and headbands and fun cute colorful clothes she made herself and a lungful of bedazzling gems. A girl who doesn't feel constrained by her femininity, but rather uses femininity to freely express her full authentic self. She radiates everything that feels stifled within him. He wants what she has so much it hurts.

And he thinks the only way he can have what she has is by having her.

He's ten. He's grown up around the kind of people that use American flag pins on suit lapels to signal what good wholesome Christian patriots they are—and for y'all that didn't live through 9/11, in the 2000s those flag pins were shorthand for "conservative, or scared of offending conservatives." He's no doubt been taught that boys are boys and girls are girls and you are what you were born, and suggesting otherwise is not only impossible, but insulting.

Gideon's egg is years from cracking.

In the meantime, he's got his prison pals. They treat Gideon like something precious for being an adorable little child worth protecting, and for caring as they work out their emotional issues, and for doing crafts like friendship bracelets with them—he's found himself playing a rather feminine social role for these men, and they respect and admire him for it. I think he finds many of the same things with them that he found with Mabel: he can express the parts of himself that got rejected by his school peers, and he's celebrated for it.

You could just headcanon Gideon flat out as a trans girl and it'd fit the narrative perfectly. I headcanon bigender because I feel like he's not not a boy—he's just also a girl.

I imagine him as one of those kids who goes through middle & high school feeling more and more like something fits wrong, but unable to put a name to it, until he goes off to college and has a bunch of new life experiences and has a revelation. Does drag once "for fun" and suddenly that egg shell's dynamited apart.

Then she spends the next couple years grappling with "am I a girl? but if I'm a girl why does the thought of leaving behind manhood feel like ripping something out of my ribs? am I just a boy? but then why does the thought of not getting to be a girl feel like dying?" until she figures out she can just be both.

I think she'd tell her prison gang first, even before any of her family. She's sure if anyone will support her, it'll be them. (And they do, 100%.)

I think her parents would be alright with it, but I also think her parents are the kind of people who calmly listen to hateful talk show hosts denouncing trans & gay people because they never imagined they've got a little trans kid sitting right next to them listening too—"Well, sure Gideon asked for all those sparkly clothes, but that don't mean anything, our son's just an artistic little boy, that's all!"—so she didn't know they'd be okay with it.

Mabel would be thrilled for her—after she stops being weirded out that Gideon totally copied Mabel's childhood haircut. But I think her coming out would recontextualize a lot of what happened during Weirdmageddon summer and, okay yeah, not realizing you're a girl doesn't excuse kidnapping your crush and trying to kill her family, but it's easier for you to give a full and sincere apology for what you did when everyone has a better understanding of why you did it in the first place. I think they should both get the opportunity to have the big sister/little sister dynamic that in a perfect world they should've gotten in the first place.

okay and now here's my reason for the transfem axel headcanon, which i warned you is stupid:

years & years back i started a kingdom hearts 2 fic, back when the lore was just "when a person splits apart their heart becomes a Heartless and their body becomes a Nobody"; I think KH's soul alchemy has gotten more complicated since then, but I haven't kept up.

and the premise of the fic was that Axel ran into his Heartless—it was a Soldier—and they went on a quest together to recombine into one person. and I decided to make his Heartless a girl just because. didn't look different from any other Soldier, Axel could just tell it was a girl. it was his heart, so he should know. and that was about as much as it was explored.

years and years later i realized "hold on. if Axel's body/Nobody is male, and his heart/Heartless is female, then you've got a female heart in a male body. that's how countless trans women have described their experiences for centuries. ... welp, i guess she's trans now!"

this was about the same period in my life that i started a fic about orochimaru being a trans woman so it wasn't like i didn't know trans people existed, i just didn't think through the implications of my own headcanon lmao

[little-one-eyed-monsters]

Hot take (from a media nerd): How to achieve BL branded pair longevity (a.k.a. what SmartBoom should have done to preserve their brand)

Hello friends! 🥰 (especially those from the SmartBoom community) How are we all feeling? This wasn't a sarcastic question-- I really do hope you're all feeling well.

I logged on to Tumblr and found A LOT of asks about SmartBoom, and really, I feel for all of us (and definitely for them).

I'm not really an expert on any of these BL couples I talk about or will be talking about, as all of my information only comes from social media (including their interviews and official press releases). I'm also not the merch-buying, concert-going, discord-moderating type of fan either-- I use the groups and servers for lurking and research instead of posting. That's why I'm so grateful for the lovely fandom insiders who take the time to correct my posts with more reliable information-- really, no cap, you guys are awesome and I will always defer to your superior knowledge.

What I DO know, with confidence, is how the Asian media industry works, ESPECIALLY queer media. Not Thai-specific, and not any particular pairs, but the branded pair concept in general. So I'll be talking about longevity here from 1) my very basic knowledge of these couples, 2) my understanding of trends and company politics, and 3) how the industry generally runs, from production to promotion.

Anyway,

The asks I got so far (aside from my thoughts on that disaster of a fansign) is what I think would be the future of SmartBoom as a branded pair. Is there any hope for them at all?

Well the joke-y answer is yes. Since Headliner and Grand Ivory Records have decided to go all Top Form meta on SmartBoom, but in hyperspeed, we're on Ep. 9 right now, no? The breakup?

We'll skip Ep. 10 (unless death comes for Miss--- oh sorry, let's not wish death on anyone. Not very Christian).

That means... man, I can't wait for Ep. 11- The Revolution 🤣

Hey Smart, is there any Jin left in there? Probably time to let it out.

(Wouldn't it be fun if you had a whole Junta in there, too? Just max levels of crazy? 👀)

Anyway, jokes aside, if the question is: is there any hope for SmartBoom?

Yes and No.

The ship itself, in its current state, is dead. It's gone beyond the companies now. Judging from that photobook fansign (and only that fansign, so I could be wrong), I'm guessing the rift has affected Smart and Boom's personal relationship, too. Boom barely looked at Smart or addressed him throughout the event, and when he was about to cry he didn't turn to Smart like he used to. He stared up, stared down, turned to the side, but never towards this acting partner he used to call a friend. Smart had to EXCUSE himself when he grabbed the photobook from Boom during that one question, and asked for permission anytime he would go near him (you don't do that to an acting partner you've spent excessive workshop hours with. You licked honey off his neck dude, I think you're allowed to touch hands). Even China couldn't stop your fanservice. What happened now?

[Pardon the dramatic background music. It's from Tiktok, can't remove it.]

There's an elephant in that room (probably colored purple and named TaiLai) that both of them cannot address. That statement from TaiLai and GIR were pretty incriminating: SMART himself said no to projects with Boom, not just GIR. They offered Smart up on a platter for the fandom to pick apart, and off to the side, on the brink of being neglected once again, there sits Boom. I don't know what Boom believes exactly, and if he chooses to trust his friend more than the statements of these money-hungry company monkeys. But to be honest, he hasn't spoken in favor of Smart so far. He hasn't really spoken at all.

Smart looked devastated.

Boom... Boom looked humiliated.

The ship is dead. Both for us, and for the people in it. If there's a friendship they could salvage in there, like with Perth and Saint (and Zee), I suggest they start saving it now.

But first, let me just come out of the woodwork and say this: even though I MOSTLY BLAME GIR, this isn't the first time WeTV has botched a branded pair they've initially invested in.

Behold, SamYU, from WeTV's We Best Love:

You hear that in the distance? It's the sound of a thousand hearts breaking all over again.

We Best Love was WeTV's first foray into ORIGINAL BL content, not just affiliate distribution. They saw how successful queer content was in China with their MASSIVE hit bromance The Untamed, and wanted to capitalize on it. But China has... a queer censorship problem. After abandoning The Untamed's lead star Xiao Zhan during the 227 scandal (God, I really do hate you WeTV), they hopped over to Taiwan to try their luck in a more queer-friendly location.

Sam Lin was a former idol-turned-actor who debuted in the Taiwanese boy group SpeXial, and who's been in a few minor roles prior to We Best Love. YU (Maruyama Yusuke) is a Japanese-Taiwanese idol loaned to WeTV by a company from Nagoya, Japan (WeTV has a thing for underground actors and loaned idols apparently). Though virtually unknown prior to We Best Love, these two were PHENOMENAL actors, had natural chemistry, and had pretty compelling personalities. WeTV initially signed them for a three season contract for their original series (sigh), slapped WeTV's name on the title (WBL- We Best Love. Get it?), and produced and promoted the heck out of this show.

And it WORKED. It was a massive hit in Taiwan, Japan, China, and Korea, sparked a new renaissance for Taiwanese BL productions, and made Sam and YU household names. It really was a WONDERFUL show. Imperfect, but still wonderful, and still my all-time favorite Taiwanese BL.

But WeTV apparently didn't reach proper contract arrangements with YU's team. YU apparently thought that WBL was a one-and-done deal, because he didn't want to do any more BLs-- he wanted to focus on his music. YU's team asked WeTV to renegotiate loan terms so YU could do music first before they could shoot Season 3 , but WeTV refused. Season 3 first, before the idol career. YU decided to buy himself out of the contract.

Sam took YU's refusal to shoot Season 3 as a personal affront. Though he never spoke about it publicly, he initially unfollowed all of YU's social media accounts and terminated all contact with him except in a professional capacity. He refused to do fanservice with YU during the press run, and after all cp projects were done and dusted, they never spoke (publicly) again.

WeTV transformed the planned third season into a multi-episode camping reality show for the cast, in order to accommodate YU's buyout terms. Here, Sam and YU exhibited the most AWKWARD and STILTED interactions from a branded pair that used to claim they were great friends. They finished that awful show, YU went on to launch an album, Sam went into acting hiatus for a while to, as he said, recover his mental health, and that spelled the end of Taiwan's only OFFICIAL branded pair to date.

To be clear I don't want SmartBoom to be SamYU. This is the stupidest route for their careers.

SamYU's situation was a nightmare for all parties involved. Companies fighting (but with the decency to NOT DO IT PUBLICLY), endless contract renegotiations, awkward encounters, Sam and YU duking it out behind closed doors, the fandom in SHAMBLES... this is not the way to achieve career success in an industry already BRIMMING with competition.

So let's go to the Yes portion of that ask. Is there hope? YES. Here's how:

Step 1: Get Industry Recognition

OffGun, the true GOATS, hello!

This is one step I believe that SmartBoom partially has. A successful ship needs to be recognized both in the inner and outer circles of the Boys' Love industry, either by their experience, their talent, or both.

Take for instance, OffGun: they're celebrating their TENTH ANNIVERSARY this year (dear God), and will be shooting their 10th series, Burnout Syndrome, in the coming months. They're actually not the oldest BL ship in GMMTV-- that honor goes to TayNew-- but they're the ones with the most number of shows together, AND the most number of awards (individually and as a cp)

OffGun have stood the test of time, scandal, and their critics by proving their commitment to the industry: give them any role, any project, any subject, and they'll perform it. They host, sing, dance, but most of all, they act. No role is beneath them: whether it's filler fodder or the most compelling story this side of Bangkok, they'll do their best at it.

Furthermore, OffGun's commitment to their brand showed the industry that the ship itself is irreplaceable. Whether they were doing support roles for other projects, being loaned out of the company, or being partnered romantically with other actors, they always made time for couple activities. They interacted with their joint fandom even during solo appearances (even more than their solo stans), and they truly FED the machine: soc med interactions, joint guestings, random outings. The branded pair took precedence over any new project, and the Babii fandom prevailed over their solo fandoms, ALWAYS. They were awarded for their efforts, and the industry recognized that they were a force to be reckoned with.

Talent, commitment, and making their fandom a priority: Smart and Boom have those in the industry already. They've partially proven it with their performance in Top Form, and that documentary is further proving their commitment. So what's next?

Step 2: Commit to a JOINT Loyal Fanbase

MaxNat is DMD/Mandee's OLDEST branded pair at seven years, with 9 shows as a couple and two more on the way this year. They predate the 4th gen pairs of GMMTV, they predate ZeeNunew, they even predate the PANDEMIC (and you KNOW you've made it when you're older than Covid). They are also DMD's most LOANED pair, having been individually and jointly loaned to Copy A Bangkok and Viu, sometimes concurrently with their projects with Mandee.

Though not as famous as the other pairs in the Mandee roster, MaxNat is FORMIDABLE because of their very loyal joint fandom, Heartdis(k). And to legitimize the group even more, this is their ONLY fandom. In fact, from the beginning, both Max and Nat refused to have an official solo fandom name (I triple checked this, but please feel free to correct me insiders), instead insisting on the joint branding for all projects even for solo events. Similar to OffGun, they're very loyal to their fandom and feed the machine constantly by posting joint content on the regular. They are media-savvy and engage with fans even on their off days. They post all activities personally and ahead of schedule, and their management always, ALWAYS listens to the fandom.

When the fandom wanted a spin-off of MaxNat's story in Cutie Pie the Series, and petitions circulated in favor of this new show, Naughty Babe was quickly produced by Mandee for the pair. When fans complained that MaxNat were being typecasted in rom-coms, Mandee gave them the fantasy melodrama Two Worlds. Even Copy A Bangkok, an outside producer who borrows MaxNat from Mandee, is now doing a longer version of the pair's Y-Destiny episodes because the fandom demanded it. The list goes on. Fanmeets in obscure locations-- if enough fans wanted it, off they went. Old discontinued merch from long-finished MaxNat BLs that fans wanted to purchase again? No problem, Mandee will provide.

And for their part, Max and Nat are deathly loyal to their fanbase too. If fans wanted to ghost ship them with other Mandee actors, they'd make content with said actors while teasing their actual partner (Max does this a lot with Zee, and Nat with... everyone else in the new gen 😅). If fans wanted a joint live, Nat will randomly pop in on Max's streams, and vice versa.

It can be stiffling, and probably looks unhealthy from the outset, but Max balances this by saying he and Nat are actually in constant communication with each other-- their limits, what works, and what they should and shouldn't be doing to themselves and each other. They both admit that the system isn't perfect, and they've had arguments before especially given their large age gap (ehem Smartboom ehem), but they both work through it and acknowledge each other's faults and shortcomings.

Actually, I loved watching their interviews. It's a masterclass in maturity and proper communication. Though they often play inane characters on screen, they're actually self-aware and well-grounded. They know what fanservice is and what limits they should have for their audience.

Going back to Smart and Boom, um hey Smart, I think you already know what your fandom wants you to do now. So:

Step 3: Always choose your partner

So this is YinWar. Yin and War met at an audtion in 2019 for Studio WabiSabi's En Of Love BL anthology series. Prior to this, they'd never met before, and according to War, they initially HATED each other's guts. War said Yin was too quiet, while Yin said War was too all over the place. Workshops fixed that, they became friends, they shot the 4-episode series En of Love: Love Mechanics.

During this time, War actually had a recording contract with GMMTV for a boy group called BOYFRIENDS. His acting projects were being handled by WabiSabi, though he wasn't signed to them exclusively as he was being jointly handled. Yin was an independent talent before he signed on to Rookie Thailand.

Fans fell in love with YinWar's acting talent and natural chemistry, and clamored for a full series version of Love Mechanics that would stay more true to the book. Though Studio WabiSabi intended to shoot the show, they got into a very nasty company rift with Rookie Thailand over LOANED actors, among other things (sounds familiar, huh) during which WabiSabi threatened to shoot En of Love without the loaned actors, including Yin.

War left WabiSabi, left GMMTV, and jumped over to RookieTH (Yin's management). Their series Love Mechanics was then cast into a two-year long production hell, with the companies bickering back and forth over IP and production. RookieTH entered into an affiliate contract with WeTV to air the show. After Love Mechanics, YinWar wanted to be launched as a branded pair, but allegedly, RookieTH didn't see any benefit to that and refused.

Yin and War left RookieTH in 2022 and started their own production company with fellow co-stars Prom and Benz: YWPB Entertainment in 2023. With no funds to stage a new project, the foursome launched concerts and loaned themselves to other production houses just to build resources.

To fund their first BL series under YWPB, Yin sold his most prized possession: a Porsche 718 Cayman he saved up for from all his earnings throughout his career.

They contacted their old sponsors themselves, borrowed money from actual banks, and entered into an affiliate production contract with Dee Hup House, with the provision that DHH's team will help helm the show. They licensed distribution to IQIYI, which allegedly demanded a large cut of the shares IF the show didn't trend and suffered market losses (this is a common contract requirement for larger distributors that agree to air rookie productions. They need to make a profit on very expensive international licensing). If this happened, YWPB would lose all of their capital, which was mostly debt to begin with. Yinwar said fuck it, and licensed to IQIYI anyway.

Yinwar often said in interviews that their dream destination was to see the Northern Lights in Iceland. They've never been, and with their new company's woes, they often joked in their YT vlogs that they might never. Their manager said that if at least five episodes of the show trended on social media, they'll find a way to bring them there.

Jack and Joker: U Steal My Heart went on to become IQIYI's most watched show of the year. Yin and War got to see their lights:

The gamble paid off. But you'd ask, why gamble in the first place?

War revealed that in 2022, after their companies' spat postponed Love Mechanics and placed Yin and War in acting limbo, War's mental health suffered and he wanted so badly to leave the industry. He said he knew Yin could thrive in a new ship without him, and that he felt he wasn't cut out for this industry that kept abandoning them. Yin convinced him to stay, but after Love Mechanics, and with no project in sight, War renewed his desire to leave. So War left the agency, and Yin went with him.

Yin chose War.

Yin pushed for the creation of YWPB, and he sold his car to do it. He entered into debt with his partners and gambled on this one series they hoped audiences would like. They had no other means to prove their bankability except this one large IP: Love Mechanics, and a fanbase that dwindled because of their acting limbo. In truth, Yin wasn't betting on their company-- he was betting on War. Their ship, their talent, their sheer commitment to make a body of work that would represent their talent. War chose Yin when he left his agencies and joined Rookie. Yin chose War when they made YWPB.

Because in the end, the brand is more valuable than the company.

Fans support the pair and not their source. GMMTV knows this, Mandee knows this. WETV KNOWS THIS. This is why WeTV is quick to throw out actors who've lost favor with them or their fans--because they know brands are replaceable. The fans will gravitate to a brand so long as it's well made, and that's what ships are to these people-- a brand, a product. Boom can have a partner overnight and launch a new brand before June ends. Smart already has a new hetero brand under GIR, launched three months ago while Top Form was airing: KadMart. The actors choose their company, and the company makes the brand.

What separates the fallen ships (and b-rate actors) from those that truly succeed is that these actors recognize that their BRAND is more important than the company. Didn't Akin say that in Top Form?

"If they only want my popularity..."

Companies want their products' popularity-- their BRAND. Once the brand becomes irrelevant, the product loses its value. That's why OffGun, MaxNat and YinWar succeeded when SamYU didn't-- they know the VALUE of their brand, and will do everything in their power to keep it, even if that means gambling their stability for it.

Wow, you're still here? Isn't this so looong already? 😅

I am under no delusion that this post will reach Smart or Boom or their managements, and I'm sure as heck they wouldn't listen to me anyway.

But if Smart is any kind like his namesake, he only needs to look around the general BL industry and see the patterns that would put him out of his misery.

And Boom, you need to choose Smart too. Not in a romantic capacity. Not even in a familial way. Just for career's sake, you need to stand by him too.

You need to choose each other. And maybe rewatch your show, it has all the answers.

Stay kooky folks.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Just saw a post that kinda bothered me (and I might follow up with a link to the actual post later if more context is requested but I really don't wanna put anybody on blast so I'm gonna try to do without the link) but. The post itself was complaining about how many people don't know that E doesn't feminine your voice (entirely valid post to make!), and one reblog (not OP) on that post was pointing out somebody in the tags who'd said basically "oh so that's why voice training is a thing i'd never thought about it, thanks op" (paraphrasing to make it slightly less obvious which post I'm talking about because it's got a lot of notes) and the person who added the reblog was like, pretty aggressively like "do you think it's funny to be ignorant about trans women's lives?" and that was the first part that got to me because like. I didn't get that impression at all? I read those tags as a genuine "oh I didn't know that, thanks op!" and maybe it actually was ignorant and bad for that person to add that comment but it read exactly like the kind of thing I would have said and genuinely meant it and it's kinda exacerbating my anxiety about not understanding social cues and being misunderstood :') Then OP came in and made a much longer addition about this issue and a lot of it is entirely fair, some of it is important information with helpful links and stuff, the majority of it is solid but also the tone of a lot of it seems to be just. Really aggressive towards people who don't know things. And assuming malicious intentions in people saying they didn't know when they may have just been genuinely thanking OP for sharing that information and helping them learn something new. It was compared to cishet men being proudly ignorant about AFAB bodies but that wasn't the vibe I got in the slightest, it didn't sound like pride at all, am I just stupid? Shit like this makes me scared to say literally anything even if I only ever have the best of intentions because I clearly I don't know fucking anything about what's considered polite or rude or disrespectful.

Of course terms like TME were used and stuff and part of me wants to be mad too because like. They act as if every queer person has a moral obligation to know all the ins and outs of how transfem medical transition works, and idk maybe we do, but I wonder if these people also know all the ins and outs of how transmasc transitions work. Or if that standard only applies to us and not them.

I don't know. Transfems have the right to be angry especially when a lack of knowledge about these things can hurt people and it is good for all of us to educate ourselves. But the post felt so aggressive to people who didn't already know these things and it felt like such a slap in the face. I wasn't even really the target of this, like I've known the "E doesn't feminise your voice" thing for years, but it just. I don't know, like I said it's the kind of thing that makes me scared to even try talking to people because either something will actually be mean-spirited or wrong for somebody to say and I'll be completely oblivious to it and let people take advantage of me, or I'll be the one who says something with the best of intentions and is assumed to be mocking or being ignorance or dismissive of a serious matter or something like that.

(it also stings seeing posts like this shared by friends but I'm trying to get better at reassuring myself that one uncomfortable post doesn't outweigh the other ones that talk about supporting trans guys and also the support they've given me personally 1-on-1. In past asks I've mentioned how I've been scared to talk to my transfem friends about transandrophobia stuff and how I've been taking baby steps with talking about it a bit and learning to trust them and I am still making slow but steady progress there, it's way easier said than done though and at moments like this it can be hard for me to stand my ground and not regress into distrust again. but like I have a lot of trauma and trust issues so that's probably mostly just on me)

(ALSO I LOOKED THROUGH THE NOTES AND SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY WERE BEING JOKEY ABOUT IT. WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT ONE OF THEM ON BLAST INSTEAD OF THE PERSON JUST SAYING "OH I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THANKS" IN THE TAGS??? LIKE MAYBE I AM GENUINELY MISSING SOMETHING AND IT ACTUALLY WAS RUDE BUT I CAN'T TELL AND THAT'S PART OF WHAT TERRIFIES ME SO MUCH)

((ALSO ALSO I was about to end the ask there but I went onto the blog of the person who added those tags and just from looking through the description I think he's a cis guy. which would be included under the definition of TME that these posts are using but most of the people in the notes are just talking about transmascs (like OP didn't even specify transmascs this is just all the people in the reblogs. like come on :( why are there so many posts (including so many good and important ones that I completely agree with!) about transfeminism and transmisogyny that have people being constantly transandrophobic in the notes))

anyway this turned into a rant and got kinda off topic at the end I'm just. tired. and kinda scared. I barely get any attention on here aside from one fandom sideblog but I'm terrified that someday I'm gonna say something with the best of intentions and have people assume malice and send a hate campaign my way because I don't understand the nuances of social interaction and I guess being ""TME"" means you're no longer deserving of being given the benefit of the doubt :(

- 🐈‍⬛♠️

I don't expect people to know all the ins and outs of E based HRT and I've always taken the stance that education is better than hostility. Her being this hostile towards people when she herself at one point likely didn't know that E doesn't cause voice changes is sad.

Most people don't know the ins and outs of T based HRT, but you don't see trans guys getting all angry at people for not knowing about atrophy.

It's not something to get mad over.

[youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal]

Lesbian Regina George that, pan Karen Shetty that. But what about queer Gretchen Wieners. “What’s Wrong With Me” is RIGHT THERE.

[losermothman]

I don’t think you guys UNDERTSNAD how important Edwin and Charles’ relationship is to me as an aroace person. THAT is what I want from a relationship. Something such an obvious mix of romantic and platonic and I-don’t-even-know that all the lines blur bc the only important thing is that you love them like you’ve loved nothing else and are so devoted that you would do nothing else but love and protect and cherish them for all your worth. isn’t it the love that matters more than what type of love it is? why do their labels need to be so cut and dry? why does it need to be anything more? why can’t they just be? why can’t they love each other how they want to love each other? why do they need to be anything else?

[uncle-fruity]

If I had $10 for every time, upon meeting me, someone got so immediately confused by my gender that they quickly correct their first guess before I even had a chance to say hello, I'd be able to pay my rent.

[cellaspider]

hate that it's pushed down your throats

Im not directing this at you, just at the quote

that is one of the dumbest arguments of all time. heterosexuality is in basically all media, from when you're a child to adulthood. From Aang and Katara to Ariel to Tony Stark. Cisgender people make up most of the characters too. cis and straight people don't get parades because cis and straight people don't give enough shits to organize them and they don't get a month for that reason too. Also, if you hate that we're 'shoved down your throat' ask yourself what that really means. Does it means the groups that are often targeted by bigots for arrest, fines, rape, assault, and murder, have a flag and host their own parades? does it mean corporations changing their logos to appeal to this demographic? Does it mean trans people going outside or gay people being a couple in public? Is it when theres one queer character in a tv show? Is it when the whole cast is queer? why weren't you mad about cisgenderism and the straight agenda being shoved down your throat 20 years ago? 10 years ago? so many things wrong with the idea of it being 'shoved down their throat' and assuming that it's a bad thing.

If you're one of those people who truly "don't mind LGBT+ folk, but hate that it's pushed down your throats", maybe you should direct your anger at those trying to silence us completely. We have to be louder because those people are also being loud

[ryanthedemiboy]

Anyone who doesn't get it yet, let me quote page 9 from the Project 2025 Mandate for Leadership (bolding mine):

The next conservative President must end the Left’s social experimentation with the military, restore warfighting as its sole mission, and set defeating the threat of the Chinese Communist Party as its highest priority.

They plan to start a war with China.

Vote Biden so we don't fucking invade China.

in louisiana back in the 90's there was an election for governor. the democrat running was edwin edwards, who was absolutely wildly notoriously corrupt and extremely open about it and had been for his entire career. the republican was david duke, an actual former grand wizard of the klu klux klan.

i cannot emphasize enough how much absolutely nobody liked or trusted edwin edwards. absolutely nobody actively wanted him to be governor. he won the election anyway, because people were voting against duke, not for edwards. about five years after edwards' term ended he was convicted of racketeering and spent the next eight years in federal prison. nobody was surprised. everyone had known this was going to happen before they elected him.

my parents are republicans, and i disagree with them about nearly everything about politics and have for as long as i can remember, literally since i was old enough to have political opinions at all, and this is a big strain on our relationship. but they both voted for edwards with no hesitation, despite hating him and knowing he would be a bad governor, because they knew it was important to. i am proud and grateful that they did this. deciding to vote for a candidate you like is, or at least should be, easy. casting a vote for someone you hate, whom you know will do things you hate, because nevertheless that vote will bring about the least bad possible outcome for the world your children grow up in, that's hard. and if a lot of people had not done the hard thing my own childhood would have been much worse for it.

anyway when somebody says they think you shouldn't vote for the lesser evil, what i hear is "i would not have used my vote to make sure you didn't grow up in a state governed by the klu klux klan," and i do have a problem with that

[gillyeowalters]

Because it is the anniversary of his death, I wanted to share a small story about my grandfather.

Before I knew that I was intersex, I identified as a trans man. And I went the way any trans man has to go if he wants to transition in my country. My parents thankfully were supportive but I was afraid to tell my grandparents. My grandparents were German and lived/were raised during the third reich. While both of them never said or acted in a way that suggested that they had fascist views (my grandfather was until he died part of a leftwing political party), but there still was this fear in me. "They are old, they grew up surrounded by abhorrent beliefs...". And then there was my aunt. Who would constantly claim that my grandfather was homophobic.

The problem was, back then, there were no openly out gay people in our area, so I never got the chance to see my grandfather interact with someone who was queer. So I just believed her. Because she was so insistent on it. And because it confirmed my fears and my brain loves to be constantly afraid.

But I knew I wanted to come out. I had to, eventually, because I had stopped my estrogen treatment (back then, I did not know that I got that because I was intersex) and went on testosterone instead and first physical changes began to show. We all lived in one big house, so my grandparents would eventually notice.

I was so afraid that my father at some point offered to talk to his parents. I waited outside in the hallway that led to their kitchen and listened.

My father explained, easy to understand, that I was going to transition from female to male because I felt terrible in my body. My grandfather asked, "Is that why the child* is so depressed all this time?" I had been in and out of multiple clinics for manic depression at that point. My father gave a yes. And my grandmother made the incredibly selfish comment, "Can't that wait until I am dead?"

Before I even got time to be upset, my grandfather slammed his fist down on the table. I had never seen or heard him do anything like that before. He was a very calm and collected man who preferred to leave the room before he got too angry. "No, it can't wait. The child gets to get well now. And if that is what is going to help, then it needs to be done."

From that day on, he never used my deadname again or used the wrong pronouns for me. Sometimes, he would stop in a sentence to think and remind himself, but he did always address me correctly.

He celebrated with me when my name was legally changed. He built the bed frame for me and my boyfriend's bed when we moved in together, just like he had built the first adult sized bedframe for me when I outgrew my small bed. He drove my boyfriend to his chemo sessions because my grandfather also had cancer and knew how terrifying it was to go alone.

Did he fully understand what it means to be intersex? To transition? No. But he understood that one of his loved ones was suffering and that he could help to alleviate that pain. And so he did.

He taught me calligraphy. He taught me how to sew. He taught me bookbinding. He gave me many gifts.

But the biggest gift he gave me was, that when someone hated me for what I am, I could stomach it. Because this man was willing to unlearn the bigotry he had been taught for decades so he could love me for who I am.

*in my grandpa's dialect it was normal to refer to children as just 'the child' (genderless)

EDIT

I was blown away by how many people have reblogged this post. I believe my grandfather would be very happy to see that he can give some hope and love to others even now.

I do not want him to stay faceless; so here is a piece of art I made for his obituary, with a slightly altered quote added now.

Dahlias were his favorite flowers. Orange ones especially. They reminded him of the home he had to flee from as a child.

EDIT 28/03/25

Happy birthday.

[grouperhq]

.

[aughtpunk]

That Time a Published Author Told Me to Un-Queer My Novel

So, I don't think I ever shared this story on Tumblr before.

As you may know I've spent the past ten years turning my old Welcome to Night Vale fanfic into a stand alone novel called Echo of the Larkspur. Now, I haven't been working on it ten years straight. I'd pick it up, do a bunch of editing and rewriting, submit it to agents/publishers, get turned down, put the book away, wait 2-3 years, dust off the book, re-edit and rewrite, etc etc. A cycle that repeated itself far too many times that I would like.

Well, during one of these cycles when I was in the 'get rejected by every agent and publisher I submit to' stage I asked the writing group I was in what I was doing wrong. Because at this point I had reached a hundred total rejections and I was starting to suspect that the issue was with me.

One of the members of this writing group, a male author who was traditionally published, offered to read my first chapter and give his advice on how to fix it. This was, in retrospect, a mistake. But I was desperate. I sent him the first chapter and waited for his response.

Folks. The email he sent me changed my life.

First he said that agents wouldn't publish my novel because it was Sci-fi with hardcore gay erotica in it. This is curious because while the book certainly is queer, at no point in the conversation with this man did I say it was hardcore erotica. Nor did the first chapter feature any. It's almost as if he assumed that just because something was gay, it had to be hardcore erotica. Interesting.

He went on to say that a Human/Robot pairing was weird and that there was "No Way" my story could seriously address the issues of a relationship like that. Once again, he only read the first chapter. He just...assumed I wouldn't think of that? And that my book wouldn't cover it?

The author then said “I also felt that the LGBTQ inclusion really seems to cloud things.” Direct Quote.

And then this is when he said my favorite quote of them all:

The idea of a book being a sci-fi with romance AND a mystery is a Modern Art Marzipan Owl. It's just too confusing! No one can handle a story that is a mystery in a sci-fi enviroment AND has a romantic subplot! THEIR BRAINS WOULD LITERALLY EXPLODE!

Thankfully he had a solution to my book problem. His answer? Turn the book into an Action Spy Thriller and turn S.A.G.E., a robot that identies as a gay man, into a sexy lady robot who needs a MAN to teach her what it means to be human.

(I assume the male lead will teach the 'confused' female robot how to be human via his penis.)

Now my favorite part about this advice is that at no point did he outright say "Remove the gay part". No, instead he sneakily changed the robot love interest into a female robot as if I wouldn't notice. Just sort of swept away the gay bits as something totally unneeded and just mucking up the narrative. Also that's not the plot of my story, I have no idea where this virus thing came from.

(Also note that the female robot can't be robotic-like at all. Must preserve the average straight-man sex drive at all costs I guess)

He then finished his email basically saying that I should remove everything that 'traditional publishers' don't like (aka the queer parts) and make it easier for 'your average reader' to digest and my book will be good as published!

When I said this email changed my life I meant it. Because it made me realize I'd rather be self published and unknown than traditionally publish milquetoast trash like he suggested. Like holy fuck. If I removed all of the "Difficult" to digest stories out of Echo of the Larkspur then there wouldn't be a book left!

So here I am. Self publishing my Marzipan Modern Art Owl of a book. I know it'll never see the inside of a bookstore or top the charts on Goodreads but hey, I'd rather it speak to one person than have a thousand people get excited for the part where the male lead teaches the lady robot how to be human (via his penis).

If a Queer Sci-fi/Romance/Mystery novel sounds like your jam then consider preordering it!

Looking for something to read now? Can't afford the book? Willing to read in exchange for an honest review? You can join my ARC book readers here!

[elvis-official]

FAQ:

Q: Woah mama (or any variation herein)

A: Yeah

Q: Why is this so long? Add a read more!

A: Then people won't read it

Q: Do people really read the FAQ?

A: I hope so!

Q: What are your pronouns?

A: He/him for Elvis, she/he for the mod

Q: Why do you say "Woah mama" so much?

A: Woah mama they put me in the orb / the scary planet. And Johnny Bravo

Q: Where have you been?

A: Lost in the mojave desert

Q: What about the island?

A: No, it was the desert

Q: What about Mars?

A: No, it was the desert

Q: I thought you died?

A: I got better

Q: Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for nuclear winter

A: Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for nuclear winter

Q: Say trans rights!

A: Trans rights!

Q: What about Woah papa?

A: Woah mama is not a term of address

Q: Do you support X queer group?

A: Hell yeah!

Q: Hi Elvis!

A: Hi random citizen!

Q: How do you feel about the Kings of Freeside

A: I love those guys

Q: How do you feel about the people who played you in the movies?

A: They aren't the real King, hummina hummina hummina

Q: What was it like in the orb?

A: Bad

Q: How did you get in the orb?

A: Stop asking about the orb

Q: My grandparent / other person loves your music!

A: Good for them!

Q: *Literally anything about Bubba Ho-Tep*

A: I'm aware

Q: *Literally anything relating to the sandwich*

A: Elvis only eats lizards and beetles

Q: What about water?

A: Just lizards and beetles

Q: You ate the beatles???

A: Just Paul. And he got better

Q: What's your favorite lizard and or beetle to eat?

A: Ladybugs

Q: Lizards and beetles sandwich?

A: No

Q: How do you prepare the lizards and beetles?

A: I eat them raw. No other preparation. Just lizards and beetles

Q: McLennon?

A: Yeah why not

Q: *That one image of Elvis recieving a message from Charles Xavier*

A: Yes, it's real, stop sending me it

Q: Do you like My Chemical Romance?

A: Yes, I've said it like five times now

Q: Do you like-

A: The musicians I've commented on are as follows: Hatsune Miku, Tally Hall, Chonny Jash, Johnny Cash, MCR, Weezer, Will Wood (And the Tapeworms), Chappell Roan, Jhariah, Lemon Demon, Eminem, Jay, Eazy, Epic the musical, and probably a few others

Q: Have you heard of All Shook Up?

A: Yeah

Q: Wait there's a comma between Jay and Eazy

A: Oh whoops my bad I should probably fix that

Q: What are your thoughts on "Elvis is Everywhere"?

A: I am everywhere

Q: Woah mamaaaaaaaa ooooooo-oooooo-ooooo ooooo

A: I didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters

Q: Do you ship Phan?

A: No but seriously imagine it

Q: Here's a picture of my pet!

A: Adorable!

Q: Where were you on 9/11/2001

A: The Mojave Desert. Please stop sending asks about 9/11

Q: I've started saying "Woah mama" as a stim

A: That's what it is to Elvis as well

Q: Is "Woah Mama" a vocal stim?

A: Read the above answer

Q: I'm starting hormones soon, any advice?

A: Don't be nervous, you got this, I believe in you

Q: Johnny Bravo!

A: Who do you think I've been impersonating this whole time

Q: Greaseball the Deasel

A: Shut up

Q: You misspelled Diesel

A: Fuck

Q: What are your thoughts on Vriska Homestuck?

A: She did nothing wrong

Q: What is your classpect?

A: King of Rock

Q: Cats or dogs?

A: Hound dogs, crying all the time

Q: What would your fursona be?

A: Nothing but a hound dog

Q: What is your fursona?

A: Didn't I answer this already?

Q: If you had a fursona what would it be?

A: Are you even reading this?

Q: *Luminous Mama post*

A: Been there, done that

Q: Hey I got this ad about you

A: I've seen it

Q: What's your favourite Pokémon?

A: Kingambit (Mod's is H. Zoroark)

Q: What's your favourite movie?

A: Aladdin 2: Return of Jeff R

Q: Is the Elvis Special (a bullet) just a bullet?

A: No it shoots out of a gun

Q: Are you woke?

A: Yeah

Q: Can you be the next pope?

A: Yeah

Q: *Forcefemmes you*

A: A photo of a suprised Elvira

Q: Can you forcefemme me?

A: No

Q: Can you forceelvis me?

A: No

Q: What're your thoughts on Mothman?

A: A good friend of mine

Q: What fires the Elvis Special (a bullet)

A: A gun

Q: *Anything relating to Michael Jackson*

A: Woah mama you are banging my daughter

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A: 12. 12 woods

Q: What are your thoughts on Lilo and Stitch?

A: Amazing movie (the remake isn't real)

Q: *Tagging you in the Fool's Gold Loaf post*

A: How about I block you right now?

Q: What's the plural of Elvis?

A: Elvii

Q: What are your thoughts on Minecraft?

A: What's minecraft

Q:

A: Woah mama that's the 「 WONDER OF U」

Q: Elvis is an anagram for Evils

A: It's also an anagram for Silver

Q: No it's not?

A: Yeah it is

Q:

A:

Q: What's the deal with this blank space?

A: It's a question that's been frequently asked– " "

Q: Pricilla was 14

A: I know, that was fucked up, I don't support pedophilia, this is a silly gimmick blog

Q: Erm actually marrying a 14 year old doesn't make you a pedophile

A: Die in a hole

Q: You just mispelled Priscilla

A: Oh god damn it

Q: Elvis was racist and stole black music

A: I know. I don't support that. Just because I'm impersonating a famous dead guy doesn't mean I support everything he's ever done

Q: Elvis was a bad person and therefore so are you

A: Do you also get mad at actors for playing a character?

Q: *Transphobic nonsense*

A: Die in a hole

Q: Can I make an AI chatbot of you?

A: Die in a hole

Q: Make the FAQ longer

A: Okay

Q: You were on PM Seymour / Pinterest / Instagram / Tiktok

A: I saw!

Q: I love you / I love this blog!

A: Thank you so much!! I love recieving these love messages but I can't really answer them all. Your praise was received, I promise

Q: Anon hate

A: Ouch

Q: Anon love

A: :)

Q: Where did the FAQ go?

A: Right damn here

I read every question I'm sent and I wish I could answer them all but I can't, sadly

If I didn't answer your ask don't send it again

Don't tag me in note games or note goal posts or anything like that

These anons and this person's dog get to be here because they asked nicely:

Q: Can I be on the FAQ?

A: Sorry, no...

ELVIS TAGGING SYSTEM:

#Woah Mama: Any Elvis post

#Mod post: Posts from the spider lady

#Elvis answers: Asks

#Elvis argues: Arguing with TERFs and other bigots

Now look at this post because I really really like it

Look at this!

Go check out the other Elvisverse blogs!

First List

Second List

Third List

Woah mama

[styrofauxm]

Honestly, I am pretty frustrated by the "haha why would anyone hate ace people" responses to Rowling's tweet.

Don't get me wrong, the support is nice. But if you want to be an ally, you have to do so on our terms, not yours. And that means actually engaging with the aspec community, not just posting positivity every now and again. And what those responses highlight to me is what I've known for a while; you guys only support aspec people when it's easy and convenient.

It's easy to support aspec people when it's J.K. Rowling being awful again. It's easy to support us when it's just reblogging an "aspec people are queer" post.

But what about when we are talking about amatonormativity and the relationship hierarchy? When we are discussing the enforcement of compulsory sexuality? When we are pushing for greater awareness and support for aspec identities that are not asexuality or aromanticism? When we are criticizing terminology that you use but harms us? Because I can tell you right now, I rarely see allo people engage with those posts.

Why do people hate asexuality (or any other aspec identity)? Because it challenges the societal norms that benefit them. And that is uncomfortable and scary. So they turn to hate and oppression in order to assure that the changes we push by just openly existing never happen.

That means that to be a good aspec ally, you can't just make a positivity post every now and again, and you can't just laugh about how stupid aphobes are. You have to openly challenge the societal norms that harm us, even if they benefit you. Including but not limited to:

The idea that romantic and sexual attraction is the default state of being (amatonormativity)

The idea that a romantic, sexual relationship completes a person

People in marriages receiving special privileges and benefits

The idea that platonic, familial, etc. attraction are default states of being

The idea that not feeling some form of attraction must be compensated for through another form of attraction

The idea that love (not just romantic) is inherently morally good, while not feeling love is inherently a moral failing

The idea that any one form of relationship is inherently more important or deeper than any other (relationship hierarchy)

The idea that any one thing makes someone human

The idea that not having sex is shameful or infantile

The idea that having sex without romantic love is callous

Gendered divides of sexual and romantic attraction

Other aspec people please feel free to add on/challenge any of this. Allo (not aspec) people please feel free to ask questions.

Additions:

Addition from @blkaroculture

Addition (in tags) from @fluffytimearts

Addition (in tags) from @cjreblogsthings

I've placed some resources for learning more about these topics under the cut.

Amatonormativity:

[PT: Amatonormativity:]

1. Amatonormativity Coining

2. Introduction to Amatonormativity

3. Challenging Amatonormativity

4. Effects of Amatonormativity and Compulsive Sexuality on Asexual and Aromantic College Students

5. Effects of Amatonormativity On Black, Polyamorous Men

6. Essay on Amatonormativity From a Aroallo, Loveless Perspective

Marriage Benefits:

[PT: Marriage Benefits:]

1. Article about Singlism and Marital Privilege

Other Aspec Identities:

[PT: Other Aspec Identities:]

1. Aplatonicism

2. Afamilialism

Loveless:

[PT: Loveless:]

1. Loveless articles on the AUREA website

2. Essay on Amatonormativity From a Aroallo, Loveless Perspective (repeat from Amatonormativity section)

3. Follow-up Essay on Lovelessness and Aroallo Antagonism

4. Results of a Survey of Loveless People (part 2 is linked instead of part 1 as part 1 is mostly demographic information)

5. Guide to Writing Loveless Characters (it focuses on fictional characters so should not be taken as a catch-all for real people, but it still has a ton of good information about lovelessness and loveless antagonism)

Compulsory Sexuality:

[PT: Compulsory Sexuality:]

1. Effects of Amatonormativity and Compulsive Sexuality on Asexual and Aromantic College Students (repeat from Amatonormativity section)

2. Breakdown of Compulsory Sexuality

Relationship Hierarchy vs Relationship Anarchy:

[PT: Relationship Hierarchy vs Relationship Anarchy:]

1. Relationship Anarchy Coining

2. Breakdown of Relationship Anarchy

3. Issues Presented by the Relationship Hierarchy

Oppression:

[PT: Oppression:]

1. Aphobia Masterpost

2. Asexual History and Oppression

3. Asexual Theory 101

Miscellaneous:

[PT: Miscellaneous:]

1. Research on Aromantics

2. Ace in the UK Research and Activism ft. Yasmin Benoit

3. Asexual History and Oppression (repeat from Oppression section)

4. Asexual Theory 101 (repeat from Oppression section)

Books and Video Essays:

[PT: Books and Video Essays:]

An Ace Discourse Retrospective by Jenny Geist

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

[hot-patootiee]

Another story of people not knowing Steve is bisexual.

Since he asked Eddie to be his boyfriend at a party game night, Eddie took it as a joke and accepted. He made a grand ordeal of it too, jumping on the table and dramatic gestures.

He even declared his true love shall catch him and fell off the table and fell off into Steve who struggled, but did manage to catch him. If Steve fell on the floor doing it, it’s nobody’s business.

Steve is like “omg my first boyfriend!” And since Robin was there, he assumes she knows.

Little does poor Steve know, everyone thought he was joking. Except El because she’s El and Will.

El and Will are both bewildered as to why the boys weren’t being nosy like they expected them too. But, they don’t figure out that nobody else knows either because everyone else is like “Yea, Steve and Eddie are totally Dating”.

El and Will begin to pester Steve because they love him and he’s the first queer relationship they’ve seen. It’s not like anyone else will tell them anything.

Steve absolutely regales them with every date (which Eddie thought were just hang outs) and what a great choice it was to ask Eddie out.

Steve and Eddie get high together one night and Eddie looks so relaxed and cute that he just has to kiss him.

So he does and, of course since Eddie is his boyfriend, Eddie kisses back. They make out that night and curl up together and then fall asleep.

When Steve wakes up, the bed is empty and cold where Eddie was.

He gets up, assuming Eddie just left to get food, but Eddie is pacing in the kitchen.

“Hey, Teddy, What’s wrong?” Steve tries to get close and hug him, but Eddie shrugs him off.

“I can’t do this with you right now. I need some time to think and I think you should leave. I need a break from you.” Eddie tugs at his hair, not nervous, but stressed.

Steve hears ‘break’ and almost starts crying. He sniffles, eyes getting watery, and Steve just lets out a cracked “okay.” Before grabbing his stuff and bolting out of the house.

By the time he gets in the car, he’s in full out tears.

It’s like Nancy all over again! He just knows that Eddie means to break up with him, nobody goes on a ‘break’ other than to soft launch the ‘break up’.

He thought he was such a good boyfriend to Eddie, he went to all his shows, he brought him home cooked meals, and made sure he knew Steve appreciated him. Steve had started listening to metal for him despite his crushing migraines.

Steve barely makes it home through the warping effect of the tears in his eyes.

He calls out of work for the week to mope because Eddie was his first boyfriend and he really saw a future with him.

On the second day, Will overhears Eddie talking about Steve to Robin and how he “couldn’t be around him.” Will immediately puts together Steve’s absence and sudden ‘flu’.

Will runs back to El and they hop on Will’s bike and go to Steve’s.

When they get there, Steve is still red eyed and teary. His pitiful two month relationship was over and he had been crying over losing Eddie.

Will and El immediately harass him into telling them what happened over some ice cream they extracted from the freezer. Steve tactfully leaves out the weed detail, but otherwise sticks to the story.

El is incredibly mad by the end. Stuff has started levitating half an inch and she questions Steve “why would he do that?”

Steve can’t hold it in anymore and just starts crying again.

“I don’t know.” He croaks out.

Will is patting Steve’s back and El is probably planning a murder.

By the time Steve has calmed down, his phone is ringing and it’s the party looking for El and Will. He offers to drive them back, but the kids insist they bike back.

When El comes in, it is evident she has only gotten more enraged over the entire drive home. The second her eyes fall on Eddie, everything starts shaking angrily.

Eddie on the other hand, does not know El very well and is borderline pissing himself at her rage.

Instead of the flying plates and psychic violence, El starts to cry.

“Why would you do that?” El cries out, tears filling her eyes. She begins to sob and Eddie still has no idea what she’s talking about.

“What do you mean?” Eddie looks halfway between trying to calm her and bolting the other direction.

“Why would you do that to Steve? He really likes you!” Her voice cracks and gets strained at some points, it nearly sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

Eddie is completely not ready to discuss his queer make-out sesh with a child in front of the entire party. Luckily, the Wheeler parents were out and not there to hear it.

“He’s your boyfriend! Why would you break up with him like that?” Eddie lets out a soft understanding laugh.

“El, me and Steve aren’t actually dating, that’s just a joke.” Eddie says soothingly.

“He asked you out in-front of everyone! I was there!” El yelled at Eddie, Will finally beginning to approach his angry sister.

“That was a joke!” Eddie laughs out.

“Did Steve know that?” Will finally pipes up and Eddie’s blood goes cold.

“O-of course, he did!” Eddie feebly attempts to justify. His voice was stringy in a way that showed Eddie didn’t believe himself.

Will just shakes his head at Eddie with sad eyes.

“He thinks you guys have been dating for the past 2 months. El and I thought you were dating for the past two months.” Will says slowly, punctuating his every word carefully.

“That’s why he stopped dating, isn’t it?” Robin pipes up, sounding a little hollow at her failure to notice.

Nobody answers her.

Pt 2 if you ask nicely, or meanly I don’t really care.

PART 2 is HERE

[wanderingbue]

Turns out, Wilson thinks he’s gay.

He drops that bomb on a Thursday night, sitting on House’s couch, where they’re splitting a greasy pizza and a large order of onion rings. Wilson’s not nearly drunk enough for it to be a joke, is the thing. His hands and voice are steady when he explains how it’s haunted him since he was a teenager, how he ran from it and into three failed marriages, how he cheated because he liked the thrill of the chase but was always unsatisfied with the outcome. He wants to tell the important people in his life to ask them for support in this new era, and House is the first one to know.

And yeah, it could explain things. A lot of things. Like the haircare routine, the regular mani/pedis, the shoe collection. This wouldn’t surprise many people. But House isn’t sure he believes him.

Still, Wilson is his best friend, so he tries.

He doesn’t interrupt the first time he sees Wilson getting a little too close and smile-y with a male nurse. (He interrupts the second time, because he knows that nurse is a vegetarian, and House can’t have that influencing Wilson’s cooking and takeout habits.)

He doesn’t sabotage Wilson’s first date with another man. (He does steal Wilson’s phone the next morning and delete the guy’s text asking for a second date, because anyone asking so soon is desperate, and Wilson can do better.)

He tells Wilson which shirts, ties, and pants make him look gay, only this time, he means it positively. He starts TiVoing Queer as Folk for them, instead of The L Word. He offers Wilson poppers one weekend, then has to explain what they are, and how he came to find out about them in the first place (he used to rave in the 80’s, so what?).

House is being supportive, really. Even if he still doesn’t totally buy that Wilson is actually gay.

Mostly, he doesn’t think Wilson is gay because nothing changes.

Wilson still comes over most nights to watch trash TV and drink beer. He still dutifully drops his responsibilities at work, albeit briefly, to provide a diagnostics consult, or to assist in some borderline illegal scheme. They still hang out, and argue, and laugh, and bicker, and celebrate wins together, and are there for each other in the quiet aftermath of loss. They’re still the same.

Maybe Wilson is just confused because he expected to have a wife and kids, and to live in the suburbs by now. Maybe he thinks the reason for this heteronormative failure is that he’s been chasing the wrong kind of tail, instead of the fact that he spends half his time at work and the other half with House, leaving no room for anything or anyone else. And maybe House should feel guilty about that, about robbing Wilson of the life he deserves and forcing him into a fake midlife sexuality crisis, but he doesn’t.

He sort of feels bad about that part, though—the fact that he doesn’t feel bad at all.

But he’s forced to acknowledge his faults when Wilson approaches him in his office one night, trembling before he can even get the words out, I can’t hide how I feel anymore, I need to tell you the truth.

House accepts that he’s selfish because he lets Wilson kiss him breathless, knowing Wilson will never be able to kiss anyone else like this again, knowing that when he tells Wilson to take him home, he’ll never be able to leave. Now he gets it all, the early mornings and the late nights, the warm beds and the cold shoulders, the biting words and the gentle apologies, and every jagged edge left will be weathered by time.

He understands that he’s greedy because he drinks up all the praises and pleading, every filthy word Wilson moans into his ear and whispers into his skin. There’s a lifetime of hunger behind it, a cosmic collision of pain and joy and grief and devotion. It’s a wine aged for twenty years between them, bottled want and yearning, poured into an overflowing glass.

He recognizes that he’s possessive, because he knows he’s got him now, and it's for good. There’s no more sharing attention, or waiting his turn, or swallowing the bitter bile of jealousy. Wilson will stray from any map to follow his true north.

So, whatever, maybe Wilson is lying about being gay, but at least House is honest about being worse.