#queer people asking what’s ‘wrong’ with them
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Apologies if this comes thru twice, my tumblr is not consistent about actually sending asks.
Do you have any tips or resources for someone who struggles to be comfortable with conversations around sex/kink/etc?
Long story short, I grew up LDS, so despite being a very queer, horny & sex-positive adult who has long been removed from religion, I struggle to talk about sex or my kinks, even with my therapist. It's caused some issues in my long term relationship on and off. It feels both embarrassing and wrong. I have been trying my damndest to get past this and I feel like I make very little or no progress, and the lack of progress is making me frustrated.
Do you find sex & kink easier to write about? Can you show potential partners fiction or images depicting what you like, rather than saying it out loud?
I think your primary source of your distress here is that you think you aren't operating the way you should, when I'd much rather see you focus on finding accomodations for how you currently work. Journal. Run a horny blog. Reblog things you like on bdsmlr. Share porn with partners. Write an email to your therapist. Use hand signals or other nonverbals during actual sex. Wear a gag so you don't feel the pressure to talk. Use communication cards. Use an AAC. Whatever works for you!
It might be that with time and repeated use of other communication methods, speaking about these topics gets easier. But if talking about it is hard, there are a lot of other ways to express yourself! Plenty of neurodivergent people have verbal blocks around sex, emotions, or other shame-ridden topics, and if you're one of them, that's fine!
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Hey is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of boomers and misc oldie moldies say their most hurtful, toxic, ageist bullshit bc they’re pretty clearly out of their minds jealous of how happy, freely fat, queer, proudly neurodivergent, mental health aware, and loving of others a lot of millennials and genZ are.
Instead of “getting with the times” and figuring out their joy, they get mad at us.
Instead of asking themselves why they’ve always felt different or shitty, they get enraged we understand ourselves.
Instead of asking what work they need to do, they call us snowflakes for taking care of ourselves, going no contact w/ their toxic asses, etc.
Instead of figuring out what makes them truly giddy with happiness, they grow resentful we’ve figure out what thriving looks like for us despite all the many many challenges our generations face.
Instead of seeing how we are processing our trauma, healing, building better lives, and growing proud of us for those accomplishments, they feel revealed for their roles in our harm, and they just can’t handle it.
Good god I hope I never become them.
And before someone does that classic thing Tumblr always does when I talk like this and assumes that I am a teenager and they condescend to me about how much more living that I have to do that will “harden me” or whatever, I just want to make it perfectly clear that I’m fucking 40 and I feel bad for you.
There are lots of teenagers that are more mature than lots of grandparents out there. Your age doesn’t necessarily equate to an emotional maturity level. Aging gives you a lot of opportunity to become more mature if you take it, but a shocking amount of people are somehow skillfully able to avoid that experience altogether.
i’ll just end on this… If you find yourself simmering and seething in rage, shame, or resentment at beholding what someone else’s best life, happiness, and joy looks like, please for the love of god, take that as a red flag about YOU and an invitation to figure your own fucking life out because something is gravely wrong.
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Okay, now that video makes me feel even more uncomfortable with his silence on those issues.
Because, by contrast, I remember this interview:
GAY TIMES: There will be a few homophobic haters out there, people who think a queer storyline is outlandish in a world of basilisks, dopplers and chernobogs. We saw this recently with The Last of Us. Is this something you’re anticipating or are you not entertaining all of that anti-LGBTQ+ tomfoolery?
Joey: In this fandom, there is a very vocal negative space. That vocal negative space is actually the minority, I think. The thing that I’m most concerned about and will do my best to counteract is when discourse becomes bigotry. Then, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I think I’d log onto Twitter and battle them all off myself. There is going to be inevitable backlash but what we’re doing is worth it.
https://www.gaytimes.com/originals/the-witcher-joey-batey-hugh-skinner-queer-interview/
So, it's unlikely that he's unaware of the presence of those toxic fans, when other co-stars are very aware of it, and ready to state that bigotry directed at others is never okay.
Although, I should mention that this interview (the video you showed) seems to have been done in Season 1 (if we look at the clips they are playing).
And Cavill seems to have understood the question as meaning how does he feel about people seeing his own interpretation of the character in a negative light.
I'd be curious about how he'd answer if someone asked him about it today; while being explicit about them specifically referring to the toxic hatred that has been directed towards the way the female characters have been put front and center on the show, the diversity of the casting choices, and the decision that was made for Jaskier to be portrayed as a "personizer" rather than a "womanizer", so to speak.
Would he still attempt to go "well, you know, people are just passionate about it", or admit that "regardless of how passionate some of those fans may be, bigotry directed at specific groups of people, the cast, etc. like that is never okay."
Because I've met quite a few of those actually passionate fans he's referring to. People that genuinely love and prefer the game - as is their right - and might be sad and upset that Netflix chose to give priority to the books and their own vision / adaptation of the books rather than integrate more lore from the games into it.
They aren't toxic, and they aren't the ones going around bashing minorities and making it some huge morality issue about how the show is not respecting the BOOKS' integrity, and SAPKOWSKI's vision, while clearly defending elements only found in the games (falsely claiming that it belongs to the book), and holding sexist, racist, queerphobic and even ableist remarks.
When we are talking about toxic fans, we are talking about toxic fans. Not passionate and disappointed ones!
Those are two very different categories!
Do toxic fans still have the right to their sexist, racist queerphobic and ableist opinions? Yes. But people that stand against those harmful views have a certain responsibility to clearly state "treating others the way you do is wrong, I don't agree with it, and I'm opposed to it."
And this is where having an influential actor - whose voice is constantly being misused by those toxic fans - remaining silent about it, gets very close to endorsing those views, especially if in the past Cavill has basically said that "it's not toxic, it's just passionate".
Like okay, maybe in Season 1 most were still "just passionate" for the most part, as it hadn't yet been made entirely clear what the direction of the show was going to be (and how much importance Ciri, Yennefer, Francesca, etc. would have in it).
But you've still got that very vocal negative space that has since grown, and that now see Cavill as their "champion of the manosphere", that are absolutely awful online, and feel validated by their Geralt of Rivia's silence.
If you look at 1:28:15, Henry does show support for his main co-star's performances, but he does so by suggesting that their characters tend to be oversimplified. Which is technically okay, because he's entitled to be dissatisfied with the show's writers interpretation of certain characters.
But again, that dissatisfaction is still indirectly suggested rather than stated.
But suggested in such a way where he has the "courtesy" of making his co-stars appear like victims/hostages of a show that is "oversimplifying characters" (a.k.a. failing the source material™), so they can almost be seen like THEY are too afraid to speak out against the "big bads" because they need the money and the job.
So it does sadly make that very vocal negative minority feel validated in their interpretation of Cavill having left because the show was "becoming too woke", etc.
He did also wish Liam Hemsworth well, and the little of what he's ever clearly stated has always praised his co-stars (the main ones, at least).
But, at some point if you've been made aware that you've got the freaking manosphere worshipping you, where does it become your responsibility to say "I know these men interpret my behavior as saying I support their bigoted views and frustrations with the diversity of the cast and the place given to women on the show, but I don't."
The thing also is that, even if he was to say something now , would these people then invent some story about him having been threatened by Netflix with legal actions for standing for his beliefs, etc.?
They've created such a persona for him, that would they even be willing to believe that he's not the alpha male anti-woke dudebro they believe him to be?
But, at the very least, he'd be standing for what's right, rather than looking like he's willing to sell his soul to the devil if that means staying on top.
So, my own personal perception of him?
Somewhere between A and B.
I don't blame him. I don't hate him.
Self-preservation is human.
He's not publicly nor explicitly endorsing those toxic views.
But I can't help but feel like he lacks the courage to do anything against it, because he'd rather prioritize his own popularity and safety above doing the right thing.
Taking a stand against bullies means risking having them turn against you.
And Cavill has often spoken about having been bullied and called "fat Cavill" as a child.
What is sad about that tale, is that the way he says it, you get the sense that instead of having learned to be proud of being fat as a child, and realised that those people were just assholes, he "won" and "showed them" by working and training hard to achieve the standards of physical beauty that those bullies likely held in high regards.
And some people do protect themselves from bullies by allowing them to think that they are on their side (even if they aren't).
As much as he wants to be Superman in real life, I still see him as a child that never outgrew being a victim in a sense, and that will still want to protect himself by avoiding to provoke aggression from bullies directed towards him.
He might secretly agree with certain sexist views of society (A), but I've a feeling that a huge chunk of the issue is closer to (B).
Not because he's got a narcissistic personality disorder per se (he hasn't raised any clear enough red flags for me to diagnose something like that from him), but he would rather have the monsters "on his side", than become the target of their ire, and continue to reap the benefits in terms of them supporting his career.
He's human, not Superman. Humans are messy and scared and sometimes self-serving in the choices they make.
I don't blame him, but I'm not comfortable with the way he's chosen to handle those toxic fans, and I don't support his methods, either.
And even there, all I know from him is the little I've heard and seen in interviews. It's highly likely that his motivations for not saying anything are even more complex than I can imagine.
I've been thinking about The Witcher books and tv show recently. Because half of the things that make Geralt seem cool and edgy in the show just don't exist in the books.
In the show he's always so stoic. Most of his exposition has to be told by side characters implying things and you just have to gage his reaction to decide if it's true or not. In the books however, he gives a full lore dump to anyone who's remotely nice to him.
Random Character: So how've you been?
Show Geralt: Hmmmm.... 😒 😔 😒...
Book Geralt: Terrible actually, thank you for asking. Monster hunting is dying out and I have zero transferable skills. Yennifer's left me again and Jaskier's off god knows where. Overall I suppose it could be worse, but that's the life or a Witcher. Also, my perfectly good leather jacket got ruined in a fight the day after I bought it :(
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i'm so tired of seeing posts of people are asking for the downfall of cps. cp marketing works so no sane company is going to ditch a working concept. i am also tired of people acting like gls are superior to bls when in reality there are simply way more bl shows/cps to pick from compared to gls. if we had as many gls as bls those numbers would even out a lot more and i say this as someone who adores gls. i just do understand why everything always has to be a competition idk
I truly, honestly, deeply do not understand the hatred for CPs. I've seen people say the CP system makes shows predictable because you always know the two leads are going to end up together at the end—even though this is true for all romances as it is a requirement of the genre. I've seen people say production companies (or really just GMMTV specifically) are editing their scripts so that their CPs appear more likable—even though most of these shows are based on novels that are already fully written and also the directors and scriptwriters usually don't work for the production company anyway. I've seen people say CPs are stripping the queerness from BLs—even though that is literally impossible because all BLs are queer media.
If you want my honest opinion, I think what the dislike of the CP structure actually is is a dislike of the fan culture that surrounds it. Some people like to interact with media on a purely academic level, which is fine, but believe it or not, fangirls (gender neutral) are capable of critical thought, too. A lot of the pseudo-intellectual arguments I see in fandom boil down to a certain segment of fans thinking they are better than the other simply because they choose to interact with the source material differently.
Regardless, CPs have become an integral part of Thai BL and they aren't going anywhere. So if CPs are a deal breaker, Thai BL is probably not for you.
As for the GLs, I understand why you're frustrated—especially if you're spending any time on Twitter because the GL fandom over there is not friendly to BL watchers...and that's putting it mildly. But I'm actually not sure I agree with your statement that GL viewership would go down if the market was as saturated with GLs as it is with BLs.
Yesterday's episode of Pluto pulled higher engagement numbers than 2gether back in 2020 when the BL market was less saturated. That's insane. One thing I think it may be hard to understand unless you're a queer creative who's been around for a while is that we've been told for years and years and years that sapphic media isn't being created because it doesn't sell. That men and straight women won't watch it. Thailand is proving them wrong and I'm very excited to see where this takes us, not only within Thailand, but internationally.
I do agree, though, that I wish everything wasn't such a competition. I would love to see more melding of the BL and GL genres, but every time a company tries, they get huge backlash from the GL side of Twitter who don't want any men in their media at all. They're like the radfems of QL and I wish it would stop.
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Lesbian Regina George that, pan Karen Shetty that. But what about queer Gretchen Wieners. “What’s Wrong With Me” is RIGHT THERE.
#mean girls#mean girls 2024#mean girls musical#the layers to it!!#queer people asking what’s ‘wrong’ with them#Gretchen being SO obsessed with Regina#What’s Wrong With Me is THE homoerotic friendship song ever#personal#Regina George#karen shetty#karen smith#gretchen wieners#100
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I don’t think you guys UNDERTSNAD how important Edwin and Charles’ relationship is to me as an aroace person. THAT is what I want from a relationship. Something such an obvious mix of romantic and platonic and I-don’t-even-know that all the lines blur bc the only important thing is that you love them like you’ve loved nothing else and are so devoted that you would do nothing else but love and protect and cherish them for all your worth. isn’t it the love that matters more than what type of love it is? why do their labels need to be so cut and dry? why does it need to be anything more? why can’t they just be? why can’t they love each other how they want to love each other? why do they need to be anything else?
#coming from an aroace person who has never came out to someone without them asking is I was confused#or if I was sure#or if it was bc of trauma#they mean so much to me#and I don’t think it was intentional to code them so heavily towards aroace community#but isn’t that just what being aroace spec is?#loving people in a way people don’t understand? Loving outside of the binary?#and isn’t that charles and Edwin’s story?#so whether it was intentional or not#they are THE reference to a representation of how aroace love can appear#even if they aren’t aroace themselves#they def aren’t aroace rep tho don’t get me wrong. I just connect to them a lot as an aroace person#dbd#charles rowland#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles x edwin#payneland#chedwin#uhhh#aroace#asexual#aromantic#thoughts#queer#hcs
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Why the FUCK are Southerners under the impression they're even welcomed on the internet ANYMORE????? Sorry but this is genuinely fucking rancid I feel fucking unsafe knowing that my spaces are being invaded by you fucking people. Fucking disgusting that it's 2024 and we can't hold piece of shit racists and Confederate nazis accountable for literal fucking war crimes and slavery anymore.
hey man. whats going on. this is such a weird thing to say to someone else on the internet life would be so beautiful if you stepped outside and talked to a real person for once. btw did you know the south is mostly full of poor people and black people and acting as if being from a place makes a person inherently a bigot is very weird almost as if it's pushing a classist narrative. Thats so wacky lol
#sorry i got this out on discord#but other parts of america love to pin ALLLL of their bigotry and crimes on the south. racism misogyny homophobia etc#so they dont have to reflect on themselves and do introspection as to what theyre doing wrong. bc make no mistake its rampant other places#<- europe does this with america too. lol. lmfao#but other places love to act like they're educating or modernizing or fixing the south when they just. want to turn it into where they#came from. when they move here and buy up all the cheap land and skyrocket prices and chop down huge swathes of forest#to build solar panels for 'eco friendly energy' despite THOUSANDS of acres of wood lost.#and its so weird that a lot of these attitudes about being better than them inherently and being lesser human beings are pushed in every ot#er area of the country. its almost as if its long rooted classism and racism#there are queer people living in the south. trans people. people of color. you cant just tell us all to leave to be redeemed#we deserve to live safe lives AND not have to leave behind everything we've ever known. what if we dont have the money??#but i guess you dont care abt that. lol. Lmfao#jamies bad posts#jamie answers asks#hate anon#jamies serious posts
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my issue with terminology discourse isnt that i think everyone's stupid and sensitive it's that literally nobody explains the meanings of things and then get pissy when people dont know what things mean
#like oh my GOD how do you expect people to know certain words arent For Them if you just. DONT TELL ANYONE#like i understand researching for yourself but ??!?!??! if you don't think its wrong in the first place why would you research it!??!?!??#like ok ive just seen a vid of this woman saying “thibgs im tired of hearing straight people say as a lesbian” and it was all yeah whatever#but the COMMENTS#someone asked why they cant be a bi fem if fem just means feminine and people were getting so mad being like#no you CAN. be a bi fem. you just cant be a bi FEMME.#like queen if they dont know why they can be a bi fem i dont think theyre gonna know what a femme is!!!!!!!!#dear god its annoying#like i get the issue with people misusing terms specifically for lesbians or queer people but oh my god#like genuinely just are you thick#if you dont Tell people what a pillow princess is how do you expect them to know they cant use that word to describe themselves??????#AND NONE OF THEM EVER EXPLAIN IT.#EVER.#oh my god i hate tiktok so much#i dont even know why i use it#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#to elaborate about getting pisst#i mean that they all expect everyone to google things but 1 google sucks atm and 2 how are you meant to find out whats legitimate informatio#and what's just completely fake unless you Tell Them#like. if you want people to stop misusing terms then you have to explain WHY#and DONT get fucking annoying about it being all like “lmao yeah i knew you wouldnt get it” because then theyre going to do it out of SPITE#like it's ridiculous genuinely
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no actually. Can I be honest for a second. I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore but idgaf
#AGAIN detransitioning is absolutely okay!!! i have absolutely nothing against that. it's totally fine that you figured out that simply#didn't work for you#i NEED to make it clear there's nothing wrong w detransition#the thing that makes me feel so uneasy about this specific case is that she told us she was doing it BECAUSE she became#a christian again#not becasue she simply figured herself out. but i don't know what's going on inside her brain maybe she did i have no idea#but the way she said just#made me feel like she now thinks being queer is a 'sin' again#and also she was one of the only people i could talk about my dysphoria with#and it hurts. it fucking hurts man#i feel so alone and like i will never be able to escape my past with this religion that i want nothing to do with anymore#i respect my friends and their beliefs. im not asking them to change them#it's just that. im afraid of being The Queer One#and that they only pretend to accept me#i know its not the case for all of them. one of them is my childhood best friend and she supports me wholeheartedly#so does this other friend that i think is the only other non-christian here. even though he doesn't fully understand it#he's still supportive#it's not like they're all awful or something. No! theyre my friends and i love them!#i just feel. alone yknow. about this specifically#and afraid#Anyway Rant Over#lennie.personal#negative
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I agree with your list ! People being asshole about lesbian & other headcanons gtfo! That list could work for many other things too.
But to be sure everyone don’t mix thing up i just want to point out that not liking/ not being fan of an headcanon don’t equal being an ass about it. It’s the mean actions or words afterwards that are bad.
hey! i’m glad you found it generalizable. there’s a lot of things on there that get used against pretty much any “diverse” perspectives both inside and out of fan spaces. as for your second point, i don’t disagree with you. there are some queer headcanons that i don’t personally hold, but i’m going to be cheering them on rather than contributing to the negativity we face on a regular basis. you can personally hold a different headcanon without being a jerk.
this is not @ you anon, but there are a lot of people who believe that underrepresented groups seeing themselves in characters — whether through the lens of race, gender, sexuality, disability, etc — is “politicizing” fandom and ruining it somehow, as though a white/cishet/male/abled perspective is the default in art and anything else is “tainting” the “pure” fanspace. some of them might believe those voices can exist — so long as they keep their heads down and don’t take up too much space. the fact of the matter is that’s a bigoted thing to believe. our existence has been politicized against our will. for the marginalized, fan spaces are just another front we have to push to participate in. if someone finds themself constantly disliking one specific type of queer/nonwhite/disabled/etc. headcanon and feels the need to say over and over how much they don’t like it, they ought to seriously interrogate why that is.
#anon#ask#discussion of of bigotry cw#it kinda touches on most of them bc i feel the framework im talking about here is broad enough to apply generally#idk i dont think this is what anon meant?#but like. i feel there is a difference between having a different pov and actively openly disliking smth#i actually find utena tenjou to be a good example of this#utena is very ambiguous in both gender & sexuality as a character#ive seen all varieties of headcanons for her and all sorts of people relating to her#from trans men to nb people to butch cis women. lesbians bi folks pan folks ace folks etc#and i dont think any of those perspectives are wrong#i think shes a transmasc lesbian because i’m a transmasc lesbian and the show cracked my egg lol#but i dont think that means that like. transfem ppl are Wrong to relate to her. i don’t think it means bi ppl are wrong to relate to her.#i dont think hcing her as those things are wrong either#but if someone comes out and says people are wrong and bad and annoying for existing with those povs?? shut up#and when those ppl crop up they are usually trying to argue a character is more Normative#ex: gender conforming. straight. cis. white. etc.#so yes dont be an asshole over headcanons but being an asshole to queer hcs almost always looks very different#bc its usually built on bigoted foundations
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Anyone who doesn't get it yet, let me quote page 9 from the Project 2025 Mandate for Leadership (bolding mine):
The next conservative President must end the Left’s social experimentation with the military, restore warfighting as its sole mission, and set defeating the threat of the Chinese Communist Party as its highest priority.
They plan to start a war with China.
Vote Biden so we don't fucking invade China.
in louisiana back in the 90's there was an election for governor. the democrat running was edwin edwards, who was absolutely wildly notoriously corrupt and extremely open about it and had been for his entire career. the republican was david duke, an actual former grand wizard of the klu klux klan.
i cannot emphasize enough how much absolutely nobody liked or trusted edwin edwards. absolutely nobody actively wanted him to be governor. he won the election anyway, because people were voting against duke, not for edwards. about five years after edwards' term ended he was convicted of racketeering and spent the next eight years in federal prison. nobody was surprised. everyone had known this was going to happen before they elected him.
my parents are republicans, and i disagree with them about nearly everything about politics and have for as long as i can remember, literally since i was old enough to have political opinions at all, and this is a big strain on our relationship. but they both voted for edwards with no hesitation, despite hating him and knowing he would be a bad governor, because they knew it was important to. i am proud and grateful that they did this. deciding to vote for a candidate you like is, or at least should be, easy. casting a vote for someone you hate, whom you know will do things you hate, because nevertheless that vote will bring about the least bad possible outcome for the world your children grow up in, that's hard. and if a lot of people had not done the hard thing my own childhood would have been much worse for it.
anyway when somebody says they think you shouldn't vote for the lesser evil, what i hear is "i would not have used my vote to make sure you didn't grow up in a state governed by the klu klux klan," and i do have a problem with that
#long post#If you want to learn more about what's in Project 2025 check out my tag p25#it's so much worse than you can imagine#i'm only on page 23 and i'm already going and begging people to vote#it's so much worse than i could ever have imagined#and i still have 877 pages left#yes the obvious things (to us) about queers and transfolk but it's so much worse#them wanting to start a war with a. a country who hasn't wronged us and b. one of the most powerful countries in the world is (disregarding#the how immoral it is) is asking for the demolition of the US and its citizens plus a Draft to boot#''biden is genocidal'' the right wants to murder 20% of the world's population#(not to mention we can protest biden. we would not be able to protest trump. i haven't gotten to the part about banning protesting with#death on-site as the punishment yet but i've heard from multiple people it's either something he's said or is in p25. idk yet)
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"Are cishet ace/aro men queer" holy fuck you people are just awful huh. Really just showing that we haven't moved past the Basically Straight ideology.
As a cisgender, heteroromantic ace individual myself, allow me to tell you a little bit about myself.
I spent most of my life wondering what was wrong with me. I knew very quickly that many of the people who confessed their love for me would not want me the moment they found out I was averse to sex. I would daydream of various men I'd had crushes on over the years spending time with me in ways I was comfortable, but rarely did I confess my feelings because a simple saying rang in my ears.
"You'll never find a man who will love you without sex."
And the people in my Instagram DMs who would call me baby and then ghost me after they figured out the flag in my profile picture spoke volumes to that. I was only desirable because I was physically attractive. No one wanted to love my personality, not if they couldn't also fuck me. It just wasn't an option.
I have been ostracized. I have been told I don't belong. The straight community does not want me because I do not actively desire sex. The very people you're trying to lump me in with because I'm "basically straight" will not claim me because I am not like them.
I am The Other. I am Less Than. I am Strange. I am Queer.
A person born male, who identifies as a man, and is attracted to women exclusively but only in one way (romantic) or the other (sexual) is queer.
That is a man who either does not desire sex, and is therefore Not Really A Man by society's gender standards and expectations, or does not desire a romantic relationship/wife/girlfriend and is called a manwhore dirtbag who sleeps around or is asked eternally by family and maybe partners who don't get it When He's Going To Get Married.
To be straight requires you to identify with your gender assigned at birth, to feel romantic attraction to the opposite gender exclusively, to feel sexual attraction to the opposite gender exclusively, and to only desire monogamy in that relationship.
A man, born a man, who is not romantically attracted women, but sexually attracted to them, is not straight.
A man, born a man, who is romantically attracted to women, but not sexually attracted to women, is not straight.
There is no debate. Yes, even the Demisexuals and Demiromantics. Yes, even the ones who are capable of feeling these things only under the right conditions.
They're all queer. Every single one. Because they deviate from the idea that Every Man Wants To Fuck A Woman And Be A Loving Husband By Default.
If you disagree with any part of this post get the fuck off my blog. If you try to start shit in the notes or in my asks you're getting blocked.
We're here. We're queer. Fucking deal with it.
#slime speaks#asexual#aromantic#aspec#y'all are fucking awful for this shit#aces and aros of all sorts are welcome here
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Writing Russian-speaking characters
So I have once again been chuckling at some adorable clumsy Russian in Nikolai and Nikto fics, and thus I decided to make a little list that might be helpful for fellow COD writers here. And yes, please, feel free to reach out to me if you need any proofreading of your Russian phrases, I would be glad to assist since google translator can butcher it in ways non-speakers won't be able to notice.
I would really appreciate if you guys shared this post and helped it reach people that might need it, I put way more effort into it than I expected myself <3 Also, I might make a followup with some more words and/or phrases that can be useful, so please feel free to request some, since here I am mostly focusing on terms of endearment.
I will write down Russian words, their (approximate and wonky, sorry for that) transcription/transliteration and what part of speech they are (keep in mind that adjectives can be used as nouns when used to address someone) and provide according translation and use.
Keep in mind that in Russian the gender of the word is important!!! I'll write down them in following order: he/him (он/его) version/ she/her (она/её) version/ they/them (они/их) version. However! They/them is NOT traditionally used as gender-neutral pronouns, it's plural only. Some queer and younger folks do use they/them (myself included), but it does sound wonky as it's direct copy from English. Unfortunately, Russian is not very suitable for gender-neutral writing, but there are ways to go about it (I'll try to note some of that too).
*however, since Nikto is sometimes using plural they/them to describe himself, that would be okay with him since it's plural. I hope that makes sense, lol.
So if you're putting an adjective with a noun (example: милый котик) you have to use an adjective in the correct gender form FOR THE WORD! If the noun (котик here) is masculine, you use masculine adjective form EVEN if you're referring to a person with she/her pronouns.
What is love?
The main thing I noticed is that y'all use a direct translation of the word "love" - "любовь" [l'ubov'] (n) to refer to a person. As in "how are you doing, love?". However, that's wrong. "Любовь" is either a word to describe the feeling, or a name (short version would be Люба [Lyuba]). If you wanna use an affectionate pet name, consider one of the following!
дорогой/дорогая/дорогие [dorogoy/dorogaya/dorogiye] (adj) - means "darling". Often used between spouses. Mostly used to refer to person directly, sounds a little quirky if you use it to refer to them in third person (as in "my darling went out to buy some strawberries").
любимый/любимая/любимые [l'ubimiy/l'ubimaya/l'ubimiye] (adj) - means "beloved/loved/loved one" and is probably the closest to "love". You can use it to refer to person directly or to talk about them in third person (as in "can't wait to see любимую". Also yes, the endings are changing depending on the case and I'm not entirely sure how to explain this concisely without going deep into grammar lol).
милый/милая/милые [miliy/milaya/miliye] (adj) - the word means "cute/cutie", but is also used as a general terms of endearment, like "sweetheart". Mainly to refer to someone directly, using it in third person is a little old-fashioned I'd say. Also commonly used by people outside romantic partnership, a kind old lady can definitely call you over with this one asking to help her read expiration date on a milk bottle or something.
любовь моя [l'ubov' moya] (n + adj/pronoun) - okay, I kinda tricked you saying you can't use the word "love" to refer to a person. If you say this (means "my love"), you can! It's pretty romantic and I am actually the one person that uses this daily, otherwise it's either very romance-novel/old-fashioned sounding, but there are moments when it's perfectly suitable. Have that fairytale moment! Also please note, that while "моя любовь" [moya l'ubov'] (adj/pronoun + n) is grammatically correct, it sounds kinda weird if you use it to address the person directly (like in a phrase "my love, you shine brighter than the stars"). While Russian doesn't have particularly strict rules about word order, it does matter to some extent, and this is a prime example: people just use one order way more often that the other.
Pocket-sized
I've already told somewhere here my favourite Nikto fic moment: the sweetest, romantic moment, interrupted by him calling reader "детёныш", which means "cub" as in baby animal. And while my parents do use this word affectionately, I can assure you, most people don't, and it was clear that this was a result of a clumsy translation of "baby" or something like that. So here are some variants for words like baby, little one and such!
малыш/малышка [malysh/malyshka] (n) - I'd say this feels more "little one" than "baby" to me, it's a tad less sexually charged if you get what I mean. Also, you call "малыш" a person of any gender/pronouns, while "малышка" is strictly for she/her. Obviously can be used for kids too.
детка [d'etka] (n) - this one is definitely "baby" or "babe" as a term of endearment, calling a real kid this would be WEIRD if you're not a really old granny. I would also say that it's more commonly used to refer to female partners, but that might be just my perception and experience. It's still okay to use both ways. Also this word can be very much used if you need a little bit of sleazy/catcalling/bad pickup line energy, like someone shouting after a girl passing by on the street. Yuck.
маленький/маленькая [mal'en'kiy/mal'en'kaya] (adj) - this just means "little" or "small", I'd say it's used less commonly and usually in this form "маленький мой/маленькая моя" [mal'en'kiy moy/mal'en'kaya moya] (adj + adj/pronoun). I will expand on this a little later here! Can be used to refer to kids too.
All kinds of fauna
While poor детёныш is reserved for furry freaks like yours truly, there are some animal nicknames that are very widely spread! Here are some that I think would be most useful for y'all. Granted, some people think that these are a lil' bit cringey, but I think it really just depends on what you're used to hear around you. So if I think calling someone a cub is cute, and bunny is cringe, that probably says more about me :D
котик [kot'ik] (n) - this is a term of endearment for a cat. NOT same as kitten, mind you! Mostly used to refer to men (since the word is of masculine gender) - in my experience.
котёнок [kot'onok] (second o here is like ö in German) (n) - now THIS is "kitten". I would say this is more gender-neutral than the previous one, but the word is still masculine gender.
зайка [zayka] (n) - I believe this would be an equivalent to "bunny", although it's actually a cute word for a hare, not a rabbit. Definitely used for all genders (also the word can be both masculine and feminine gender), also is okay to use referring to kids (even teachers that are into endearing nicknames can call pupils this and it's not weird. well, in elementary school). You can also say "зайчонок" [zaych'onok] (n) which is a word for baby hare, even cuter.
рыбка [ribka] (n) - a term of endearment for a fish. I think it's viewed as a bit old-fashioned and thus only used jokingly nowadays, but you know what? Nikolai could pull this off 100%. Bonus points if it's "рыбка моя" [ribka moya] (n + adj/pronoun). Only used for women and the word itself is of feminine gender.
медвежонок [medv'ezhonok] (n) - now, I actually have never met someone who would call their partner this, but I myself would (and I definitely saw it in some media, but that's obv not too reliable). It's a word for a bear cub, so I think it's cute to call a huge ass bear of a military man this word. It's of masculine gender, but I would say it's okay to call a she/her person this too. ALTHOUGH there is a grammatically incorrect (but this only adds to cuteness as it often happens) word "медвежонка" [medv'ezhonka] (n) - this would be a female bear cub. My family uses this word, I use it, no, it won't be in a dictionary, but everyone will understand what you mean. Is okay to use for kids too.
щенок [sh'enok] (if it helps, щ is like German "schtsch", like in Borschtsch, like sh but soft) (n) - now, this actually is not used as a term of endearment, it's "puppy" and it's suitable for degradation. The word is of masculine gender, but you can call anyone this to be honest. You can tell Nikto he's "глупый щенок" [glupiy sh'enok] (adj + n) (silly puppy) and that man will either bark for you or gut you. If you say "тупой" [tupoy] (adj) (dumb) instead of "глупый" [glupiy] (adj) (silly), it will be downright offensive. You can say "щеночек" [sh'enochek] (n), which is an endearing term for a puppy, so it's a little bit sweete. OR you can use my personal favourite - "щен" [sh'en] (n), which is actually also incorrect, but if you've ever heard of a great poet and poetry innovator Mayakovskiy, he was called this word by Lilya Brik. I do NOT have the time to unpack that wild relationship (there was a throuple involved. Russian poetry scene of early XX century was WILD and it's my favourite poetry period hands down), but it's pretty famous. The word "щен" consists of the word "puppy" but with the end diminutive suffix cut off. The trick is, that while some words return to their non-diminutive form with such procedure, this one does not - so you're basically inventing a new word that now sounds quite degrading and harsh, but also sexy as hell (personal opinion). I would definitely call Nikto this word.
птичка [ptich'ka] (n) - that's just "birdie", but I actually wouldn't say many people use it to refer to each other. HOWEVER, Nikolai 100% calls his steel bird this. The word is of feminine gender and if you are calling a person this, it's probably more suitable for a woman.
цыпа [tsipa??] (n) or even цыпочка [tsipoch'ka] (n) - that's a chick, like a baby hen, used only to refer to women (feminine gender word). Honestly I only heard this in foreign films dubbed in Russian or like in jokes/sarcastic phrases. It's kinda rude/indecent/vulgar and the only man that can say that and stay attractive is Captain Jack Sparrow (he used this word in Russian dubbed Pirates like once maybe, talking to Elisabeth, and that was funny cuz he be crazy like that). But maybe you want this, idk.
And everything sweet
Unfortunately, I haven't seen anyone translate the word "honey" as "мёд" directly, that would be another brilliant laugh (cuz it's wrong to refer to a person like that), but there are some "sweet" words to use!
сладкий/сладкая [sladk'iy/sladkaya] (adj) - this just means "sweet", like the taste, and it can be sexy or sleazy or just cute. You can call a kid this word too, BUT for a child would be better сладенький/сладенькая [slad'en'kiy/slad'en'kaya], which is like one step further into diminutive-endearing department.
конфетка [konf'etka] (n) - this is a diminutive word for a candy, a sweet, like a caramel or chocolate or whatever. Not very common, but is cute. Also a way to describe a sexy/good-looking person (more likely a woman, the word is of feminine gender) or just something really good (a bit jokingly). The latter is usually used in a phrase build like "не ..., а просто конфетка", which is roughly translated "that's not ... that's just plain candy". Might have an actual English equivalent that I can't think of right now. Maybe "a total snack"? Probably that one, yeah. Can be said about anything, a car for example.
Shiny
I wanna stick in a few more words of endearment and they all are kinda shiny, lol, so here you go!
солнце [solntse] (n) - this means "sun", like that big glowing thingy in the sky, but it's very welcome as a term of endearment. This word is NEUTER gender (explained in the next section). Viktor Tsoy (a famous rock musician with an unfortunate fate and immortal cultural heritage) had a song ("Cuckoo" - "Кукушка") with the words "солнце моё, взгляни на меня" [solntse moyo, vzgl'yan'i na m'en'ya] (my sun, look at me), so "солнце моё" (n + adj/n) is a good one. You can also use "солнышко" [solnyshko] (n) which is an endearing version of "sun", so it's like "sunshine". Also of neuter gender! Can and should be used to address kids too.
золотце [zolottse] (n) - this literally means like... a little gold? A little golden piece? I don't think there's a proper equivalent in English. It's a word of neuter gender and it's very much used for kids too. Another version would be "золотой мой/золотая моя/золотые мои" [zolotoy moy/zolotaya moya/zolotiye moyi] (adj + adj/pronoun) - this is "my golden", it's a little less common and I feel like it's often used to be condescending, but it's not inherenrly bad, so you can use it for a loved one.
сокровище [sokrov'ish'e] (once again it's щ, look previously) (n) - this is a word of neuter gender and it means "treasure". I personally adore this one and it's pretty common. Can be used for any gender and for kids!
звёздочка [zv'yozdoch'ka] (n) - this is like a little star/starshine. Wouldn't say it's that common, but I use it a lot. The word itself is of feminine gender, but you can call anyone that! Or you can say "звезда моя" [zv'ezda moya] (n + adj/pronoun), which means "my star". Also feminine gender word, but can be used for anyone.
This dog belongs to...
I am not going to go too deep into sexy/sex-related words in this part, because I'll just get overwhelmed with the amount, but I want to go over some words of ownership quickly.
мой/моя/мои/моё [moy/moya/moyi/moyo] (adj/pronoun) - this means my/mine. It goes really well with many words in this list, especially the adjectives, like "мой дорогой" [moy dorogoy] (my darling) or "солнышко моё" [solnyshko moyo] (my sun/sunshine). The last version, "моё" [moyo] is neuter gender, it's NOT gender-neutral! It's the "it/its" I guess (not exactly, but let's just stick with this simplyfied explanation). Previously there were some words of that gender, so here you go. BTW I would say that in speech it's more common to put this word before adjectives and after nouns (like in my examples), just sounds better, but it's not wrong to do otherwsise. You can also just say "ты мой" [ti moy] (you're mine). Also can be used to refer in third person, like when you're discussing your man with your gossip girls, you can just go "а мой вчера..." [a moy vch'era] (and mine yesterday...) and everyone will understand that you mean your man. Unless you wee discussing pets, then they'll probably assume it's your cat.
хозяин/хозяйка [khoz'yain/khoz'yayka] (n) - saw this one too btw. This means "owner" or kiiiinda "master/mistress", and they are gendered, so it's actually wrong to call a woman "хозяин" unless there's some kinky genderfuckery going on (which I'm all for, but like. you get what I mean).
господин/госпожа [gospod'in/gospozha] (n) - okay, THAT is definitely master/mistress, also gendered. Standard BDSM terminology and yada yada.
And that's where I'd like to wrap up for today! However, if needed, I can write more - perhaps with curse words or with sex-related words, or some phrases? I dunno, you tell me! Once again, I kindly ask you to share since I think this will help people (and while I understand the struggle of writing in another language and especially using words from language you don't speak at all, I can't help but be a little thrown off every time I see a wrong use of words in text).
Also remember: while Siberia is bigger than USA or even Canada, there are still other regions in Russia that deserve to be mentioned <3 a lot of places with mindblowing nature, cultural heritage etc.
#cod#call of duty#cod writer#nikto cod#nikolai cod#russian#nikto#nikolai#writers on tumblr#nikto x reader#nikolai x reader#nikprice#nikolai x price#price x nikolai#nikto x krueger#krueger x nikto
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if you hear about lesbian men and instantly jump to taking it in bad faith to assume the worst possible conclusion in your mind, that it means that cishet men can be lesbians, you are catastrophizing, and that is not a healthy response to learning about this knowledge. jumping to the conclusion that your lesbophobic senator now identifies as a lesbian man because we're "allowed men to do that" is catastrophizing, and an unrealistic leap in logic to make.
if cishet men wanted to identify as lesbians, they would already be doing it. cishet men who find lesbian erotica hot are almost always the first ones to tell you how badly they hate irl lesbians and how gross they find us. if cishet men wanted to be lesbians, they already would be.
ask yourself why you didn't consider bigender and multigender lesbians. ask yourself why you didn't consider non binary and genderqueer lesbians. ask yourself why you didn't consider intersex lesbians. ask yourself why you didn't consider trans men who still feel connected to the lesbian community. ask yourself why you didn't consider bisexual people.
you MUST ask yourself: why is my initial reaction to queer identities i haven't heard of before hostility and outrage? why are you instantly taking things you haven't heard of in bad faith? who are you enraged on the behalf of? did anyone ask you to do that? did anyone ask you to stew in rage? is fuming silently alone in your room over something you cannot change helping you?
these are extremely important questions to answer. instead of taking out your outrage on someone else, you must look inward.
if you encounter a bigender wo/man who is a lesbian and think to yourself "well they're a woman so it cancels out their manhood, so they're not a lesbian man they're just a lesbian woman" you are disrespecting that persons identity and misgendering them. if you encounter a genderfluid lesbian who is a man at times, and say "well they're a woman most of the time, so it cancels it out, their manhood isn't a part of their lesbianism," you are disrespecting that person's identity and misgendering them. if you encounter a trans man who is also a lesbian and say "that's not right, trans men can never be lesbians, they're clearly confused/wrong" you are disrespecting that person's identity. you do not have to undermine someone's manhood in order to accept their lesbianism.
why did you choose to instantly jump to the worst possible conclusion (in your mind) and take it in bad faith? to what end? to serve what purpose? to keep the lesbian community "pure"? stop sucking up to rad fems and accept that queer experiences are way more broad than a single sentence descriptor of an identity. queerness does not exist in a vacuum, it is different for every person who experiences it. jumping to assume that lesbian men are "invading" the community is not a queer friendly line of thinking- you are creating an "us vs. them" binary whether or not you realize it.
#lesbian#lgbtqia#lgbtq#lgbt#queer#femme lesbian#butch lesbian#sapphic#dyke#femme dyke#femme sapphic#butch sapphic#butch dyke#lesbian community#lesboy#boydyke#ftm lesbian#ftm butch#ftm dyke#transmasc lesbian#transmasc dyke#lesbian men#male lesbian#our writing
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This is actually a useful thing to understand how to spell out. What exactly is wrong with puritanical attitudes towards sexuality? TW: Discusses body image issues, suicide, STIs, sexual assault etc
1. It fosters fear, disgust and loathing of our bodies. By hiding the human body as soon as we are born, and treating it as an object of inherent shame: THAT creates trauma. Shame is one of the primary sources of trauma, its the fuel and lets trauma burn. Those raised in nudist societies, and children raised in households where nudity is treated in a neutral and non-sexual tend to have a much more positive relationship with their bodies as adults. This makes complete sense when you think about it. Going through puberty not knowing if your body is "normal" terrifies children in ways that stick with them for life. In fact, most cultures outside of the Unites States aren't as strange about non-sexual nudity actually...and are healthier for it. We can't have body positivity as long as we are literally criminalized for having an uncovered body. 2. It creates fear, shame and disgust about sex. Most people have sex at some point in their lives. No one would be here at all without it. Most people have sexual desires which lie outside their control. When people are ashamed of those desires, it leads to self hatred, and depression and anxiety. This shame is just as traumatic as bodily shame. When sex is normalized, and treated with the same candor as any other hobby: it becomes less apt to traumatize people.
3. Puritanical attitudes towards sex limit sex education. When people are too ashamed to talk about sex, people don't learn about pregnancy, stis, or consent. All of these things can and do kill people when they aren't addressed with an open dialogue.
Sexual shame leads to people too ashamed to buy condoms, to talk to their doctor about birth control, to ask their partner to use protection, to get tested...the negative health impacts of sexual puritanism have a massive negative effect on society.
4. Sexual shame leads to poorer communication in relationships. Ohh if I had a dime for every person i knew who ruined their relationship because they felt too guilty to talk to their partner about their sexual feelings...Not just that, but the general body shame that comes with puritanism blocks people from connecting to one another too. Have you ever avoided getting close to someone because you were ashamed of your body? If not, I guarantee you know someone who has.
5. Misogyny! Puritanical sexual believes hold that women are not capable of sexual agency. That only men should initiate sex. That women should only ever want babies and not pleasure from sex. All of this rolls right into the next one:
6. Victim blaming in sexual assault. When women are the gatekeepers of sex, its easy to blame them when they 'fail' to protect their chastity when someone violates their trust. This isn't something that just effects women: as the same attitudes hold that men are not capable of experiencing sexual assault. The lack of education and discussion about sex in a sex-negative world inherently prevent the open dialogues necessary for creating and maintaining consent culture.
7. Suppression and marginalization of the queer community. If we're too ashamed to talk about sex, we'll be too ashamed to talk about sexuality. Puritans can't accept any deviation from gender norms either. Anything other than sex between a cis man and a cis woman for the purpose of making a baby is a deviant kink, a mental illness, and needs to be wiped out. Its important to point out that many queer people hold puritanical values about sex: believing that they can achieve sex negativity and queer liberation at the same time. However, sex negative movements always rise with censorship and discrimination of queer people...because queer people are inherently considered deviant by the vast majority of sex negative "allies". It's very dangerous to forget this.
8. Censorship of art. Who decides what is sexual and what is not? Its easy to agree that sex needs to be hidden...but it never takes long before the definition of what is "sexual" expands. Even women's breasts are considered sexual in the United States. Its so normal for Americans to think of them that way that women can't feed their children in public. Drag queens face violence for reading at libraries. Books get taken off the shelves. Artists are bullied offline.
9. Censorship of scientific exploration. Scientific research into reproductive health, sexual behavior, gender identity and more are often hindered due to the "moral objections" of puritans, delaying progress and understanding. That's just off the top of my head. I think its time for people to take how problematic 'puritanism' is more seriously. As we see fascism rear its ugly head all over the world, we're going to see a lot more talk about 'degenerates'...and we know where that kind of talk leads.
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i have so many friends that already have little quirks about them like "everyone always thinks I must be really religious but I'm not" or "everyone always thinks I must be really good at math, but I'm not" or yes, even "everyone always thinks I must be gay but I'm not".
there's a million things people run into where they might have a minor misconception they have to correct about themselves here and there, and it's usually fine. pretending that the mere act of someone asking you if you might be trans is some terrible slight is JUST transphobic. every single cis person I know personally, who isn't already a transphobe, would just laugh a little and wonder what about them came off as trans. hell, some cis people LOVE to be told they look a little queer.
i think most people would be touched if you reached out to ask about their identity, give them a chance to talk about it, even if you were wrong. a lot of cis people I know love to be like "haha I'm not trans but you know, I've always kind of liked football, but my dad didn't let me play cuz I'm a girl. isn't that fucked up?" and then you get to have a nice conversation about what you have in common anyway.
but if you bring it up to your friend and they accuse you of "converting them" or "pressuring them" to be trans? those are literally dog whistles for their true fears and beliefs about trans people. trans people "making other trans people" through mere discussion is literally a fox news level bigotry callsign. it's what your transphobic relatives and peers are saying about YOU when you bring up your pronouns around them.
any sincere cis ally would not think a mere question from a friend is capable of spreading The Trans Contagion- they're getting that idea from something rooted deeper and I would be unsettled by it if I were you.
obviously if your friend told you kindly that they didn't like it when you asked if they would ever consider being trans, then you should respect their feelings. but if you're sitting out there right now with that straw man in hand, ready to argue with other trans people for the sake of your poor little cis friend, have you also considered why your friend is so offended at the idea? like, if you're trans and you're caping for a cis friend who gets mad if you say they have tgirl swag or whatever, have you considered that their anger might actually be kind of shitty and you don't need to defend it?
none of my friends would act like that, that's all I'm saying. and if they did I'd be uncomfortable.
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