#queer media has genuinely saved my life

[certifiablyinsanez]

Honestly, the travesty that is Edwin Payne’s life and death is so twisted and gorgeous, so bittersweet.

There is no doubt as to why Charles wanted to stay and run away with him. How could he not? Charles, who is so brave and protective, who died protecting someone undoubtedly saw the shadow that haunted his strange psychopomp.

Edwin, who is an innocent child, had his very soul hardened by unimaginable pain. Even a centuries old, magical creature who has lived countless years and seen much, admits that he cannot begin to fathom what this poor soul has been subjected to. The fault of which seems unclear and yet someone aught to pay for this unforgivable mistake.

Fiercely clever Edwin, who after a tragically short life that was loveless and brutal, who went on to suffer even more, managed to be so cunning that not only did he escape Hell, he mapped the whole thing with frightening precision. He did it alone, just as he had always been alone.

He returns to the very site of his murder, alone, in a world quite different from when he left it, to find that bullies were still out for blood, and did the job of Death so sweetly and efficiently that Charles had no need of Death herself.

Edwin who’s homosexuality can be swallowed down and controlled with the proper British stiff upper lip, so much so that he managed it for decades until a single gentle soul offered him permission to be courageous, and suddenly it was too much to bear. To much, that he couldn’t even wait until he was out of Hell to say something. In it we can feel the spirits of those who came before us that we couldn’t save or comfort. Taking a century for him to simply be told not only that it’s possible, but okay.

Edwin Payne, the very boy who Despair calls a friend, who doesn’t hold out hope for the integrity of his goodness yet is not questioned by those around him, because even the night nurse knows he is righteous and does not deserve his lot.

Edwin Payne, who I’m sure is a friend of Death, because his virtue is something that he is oblivious to that no one else is and Death is certainly not a fool.

Forever teenager Edwin, who has never felt more alive after a century of death.

[winternimbus]

OK. i saw @juney-blues's post on the weird transmisogynistic fencesitting the homestuck fandom at large in regards to june egbert's canonicity (which you can read here), and i wanted to pitch in my two cents on it as a Grouchy Transfem Nonbinary GNC Lesbian Girlthing that's had homestuck as a piece of media which had fundamentally changed it as a person since early 2016 starting off, interacting with the homestuck community as an isolated teen in the world's worst living situation in the mid-late 2010's introduced me to other queer people, and through that interaction w/ other queer people, led me to put two and two together, and realize that i'm not cis, alongside genuinely saving my life at times. there's a reason why i chose "lalonde" as a last name, and it's because i saw alot of myself in roxy lalonde. so did countless other transfems in the fandom. i do always think the homestuck fandom at large has always had a consistent issue with transmisogny (glaring HARD at how march eridan and how long that "joke" was able to persist), but regardless of your opinions on them--the epilogues and later hs^2 really exacerbated the fandom's transmisogyny issue. something that is still clear as day was back in 2019, and being in disbelief over meatroxy--while i'm ambivalent about meatroxy in the present day, and ultimately meatroxy was a situation where both sides lose (but that's for another post), i still vividly remember seeing how vicious people got about meatroxy, to the point of outright chasing trans women out of the fandom wholesale. fun times! there's also the present matter of how kate was directly targeted for harassment by the fandom and was forcibly kicked out of the fandom. while i personally don't agree with kate's opinions--nobody deserves to go through that shit. and the fact that she was targeted for being a vocal trans woman in the community ultimately details a much more malignant pattern with this fandom and there we get to the meat of my point of what i'm talking about, you can tell that june being canonized has made a solid chunk of the homestuck fandom show their whole ass--for lack of a better word. between the transmisogynistic fencesitting of "both egberts can coexist!" (which translates to "i understand june BUT i like her pre-transition self better actually") that still is persisting to this day like it or not, june egbert is a trans woman. she isn't "j egbert" or just "egbert"--any trans person would most likely clock you across the face if you insisted on referring to them by a nickname or their last name instead of their chosen name. the fact that most of this fandom just can't swallow the pill and accept that their fave is a trans woman without outright ignoring them or going "well they're genderfucked actually teehee" is just.. needlessly frustrating

[starrycassi]

I think a lot of young queers folks (like me. Not trying to be all elderly about this I'm literally a gen z) today need to watch the good oldies about our community.

⚠️: I don't mean, in any way shape or form to insult the newer queer shows/movies. I love SPOP. I love TOH. I read and loved Heart stopper. However, because of the restraint of mainstream media, they have a very... palatable?? way to portray the community. I am NOT blaming the creators (who I'm sure would love to go a bit further down on their portrayals if given the option)

SO! I have nice recommendations that I, personally, enjoy a lot. They're in no particular order.

A classic, for starters. But I'm a cheerleader!: Very campy, barbie-y, funny and free on YouTube. A cheerleader is sent to a conversation camp when her social circle realizes that she might be into girls. (It has a very unrealistic portrayal of conversation camps, though. Very cartoony) my comfort movie fr fr

Priscilla, queen of the desert: A trio of drag queens travel across the desert on a big, old bus. They fight, there's some falling in love. They talk a lot about gender identity, queer childhoods and similar topics. I've only been able to find this one (and most of the ones on this list, since I don't have any streaming devices) on illegal websites. There's very, very direct homophobia, SA, physical abuse, child neglect, yk, the American dream. The queens are the funnier thing ever, the romance plotlines are absolutely delightful and well-rounded. Focuses a bit more on the community itself and interpersonal relationships. All around, a solid 10/10.

Kinky boots: A very prude, engaged man inherits a shoe fabric. He's running out of ideas to stay in business, until he meets a drag queen. Same warnings (and themes!) as the last one. This one has a stronger focus on how the characters become more accepting and how our queen navigates being faced with them. I've rewatched it like a hundred times.

The birdcage (2000's) or le cauge aux folles (1970'): A gay couple runs a drag club. Their son brings home a conservative girlfriend and her family. This is more comedy lenient, but funny as fuck nonetheless.

Paris is burning: this one is a documentary, btw. Focuses on the life of drag queens in the 80's. Nothing I didn't already say on Priscilla tbh.

Saving face: A chinese-american girl that lives in a VERY conservatory and secluded community is trying (and failing) not to fall in love with a ballerina. At the same time, her mother (a widow, how scandalous!) gets mysteriously pregnant and gets kicked out of their family home. This one will hit close to home if you're from any ethnic, homophobic household. Cried a lot. Then cried some more. Happy ending, though!

D.E.B.S: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST, CUTEST MOVIE EVER. It's a full on romance comedy for when the mind is a bit too tired! The main plot is that, in a school of girls being trained to be top-notch spies (very totally spies type) a girl who's the top of her class falls in love with the biggest villainess they ever faced. More of a coming of age thing, that also explores the good old dilemma of choosing what the hell you're supposed to do with your life once you turn 18 (relatable tbh)

And now, for a book (in Spanish, though) we have "Las Malas": Narrated by a trans, poor prostitute. Extremely realistic in its narrative voice, cruel and very hurtful sometimes. This is actually one of my favorite books ever, it's so fucking underrated that I'm going to die if no one reads it. There's EVERYTHING. It genuinely drives me crazy to read this. We have queer moms, a child found in a freezing park, suicides, literally anything happens. I love it.

If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE drop them. I'm begging u

[frogwiththephatahh]

MASSIVE spoilers for the ending of season 4

I'm still so mad about this

Five deciding that the entire family needs to die is the worst narrative decision the writers could have possibly made. Firstly, it's so unfair to all the alternate Hargreeves kids. We're informed pretty early on that there are infinite timelines. INFINITE. For every timeline where the Hargreeves are abused and mistreated and suffer, there's another where they are happy, content, and raised by a Reginald who genuinely loves them. It's never really implied (as far as I remember) that EVERY timeline involves suffering and bad things. Besides, that's just not possible. Infinite is a pretty big number, and it is so far beyond the realm of believability that every single timeline includes the Hargreeves having a bad time.

"but we have to break the cycle" of what? death and rebirth? that's literally the cycle of life. That's supposed to happen. There HAS to be a timeline where the cleanse doesn't start because Jennifer remains hidden. There HAS to be. THERE'S INFINITE TIMELINES

This is why I hate media with "infinite" timelines or time travel or whatever

or did Five mean the cycle of abuse? Because lemme tell ya, killing yourself does NOT stop the person who abused you from being a shitty person. it does NOT make you feel better.

The idea that one bad link should just die and then everyone else gets to be happy is such a bad message I have to assume everyone on staff was too scared of Steve Blackman to point out how fucking bad it is. Pain and suffering and sadness is part of life. It just happens. It's always going to happen. We could live in a Utopia and you'd still have a bad day every once in and while. I just. I can't even FATHOM how they made such a bad decision. Especially when this is a show with a fandom that is largely comprised of queer people and other societal misfits. Having the final solution be, "hey just kill yourself and everyone will be better off without you" is so incredibly irresponsible.

And it makes absolutely no sense narratively.

The reason why characters sacrificing themselves is usually so meaningful is because those are characters who are shown to be very unlikely to want to do that. My best example of media that does this BRILLIANTLY would be Rise of the tmnt The Movie with Leonardo.

Throughout the entire show and movie, Leo is shown to be egotistical, self centered, and selfish. He throws his brothers into harm's way to get things he wants. He compromises missions just to get the spot light. etc, etc. These are the reasons his choice to sacrifice his own life to save the world is so meaningful at the end. He learned to put others above himself. He learned that his family matters more to him than his own life. This is a great ending to his character arc.

It doesn't work with the Hargreeves because the Hargreeves are never shown to be egotistical or self centered or really even selfish. They were specifically raised NOT to be. These are people who have been putting others over themselves their entire lives. Showing characters, who have done nothing but suffer because of things beyond their control, KILL THEMSELVES to save the world is such a bad decision from a narrative standpoint.

But you know who's character arc would have been greatly improved by self sacrifice?

SIR REGINALD MOTHERFUCKING HARGREEVES

This man has been nothing but vile and stubborn in every single scene he has ever been in. His arc being concluded with a quick, "well, at least you hesitated three seconds before killing the man you RAISED this time so maybe you're not a bad person after all" is so fucking lazy it hurts. Reggie is not and has never been a good person and him feeling kinda bad about shooting Ben (which he later regrets btw. not killing. he regrets HESITATING) is not a satisfying end to character. If Reginald, who he know is a total asshole, decided to sacrifice himself to give the people he raised a chance at a normal, happy life, that would have been soooo good.

and there is a canon-compliant way for this to happen. We know from season 2 to Viktor has the power to move marigold around, as seen when he accidentally gives Harlan powers. And it could have been foreshadowed for like half the season! Reggie tells them about marigold and durango, Viktor realizes he can control it, they don't really know what to do with it though. Cue the rest of the season. Viktor can still have that semi-healing adventure with Reginald, who realizes now that he's actually spending time with one of his kids that he's quite fond of them

They're running out of hope. Five comes back and says all the marigold needs to be absorbed for this to stop. Sadness, arguing, whatever. Reginald tells Viktor to transfer all the marigold into his body. Everyone leaves with their families on the train. Reginald is left behind to die and his last words can be some sort of apology or wish of good fortune or whatever.

And this would work so well for Viktor, too! Him being the one to technically kill their dad, freeing them from his shadow, from his wrath and evilness, would be so good for Viktor.

But no. The writers gave up and decided instead of just picking out whatever story lines were most important, they dumped all of them on us then set it on fire so there's a very slim chance this show or concept will ever get picked up again.

Anyway I need to drink some water and get started on a fix it fic

[thegraphitepencils]

i dont know much about Judaism, and i'd love to hear anything you have to say ^^

Hii sorry this is late, we have been packing to move tomorrow !! so we got busy lol

It’s hard to distill everything I love about Judaism into one post, but I’m gonna do my best to give the broad strokes.

Judaism isn’t just a religion, or just a culture. It’s both and it’s beyond. It’s a rich history, a touchstone for a people that have been dispersed and oppressed all over the world and still manage to stay resilient and connected. Jewish community varies so heavily all around the world, European Jews and African Jews and Middle Eastern Jews and Asian Jews etc, so many gorgeous unique traditions. Yet they have the same core, a thread of the same history. You feel like you’re cousins with someone on the other side of the planet who doesn’t share your native language. You connect through sharing food and joy and sorrow and holy days and ancient prayers and the ancestors who first said them. If your nuclear family is shit, then you still have a family in every other Jew around the world.

And converts are part of that family too! It’s said that all Jewish souls, including future ones, were present at Mount Sinai to receive the Torah, and that includes converts. Converts are to be treated as if they were always Jewish as soon as they convert, and you can feel a familiarity in them as soon as they begin their study. It’s very hard to convert, there is so much to learn and it can take years, and converts are revered for that dedication.

Judaism is a culture focused on education, critical thinking, charity, respect, peace, community, kinship. Even in the most stringent orthodox communities, communities with strict gender roles, I know I’ll be safe as a queer trans person even if they don’t fully understand my identity. They may possibly disagree with me (but they may not! there are many queer & ally Orthodox Jews!) but they’ll definitely keep me safe, which is something I can’t honestly say about wider leftist spaces.

It’s a genuine miracle that Judaism has lasted thousands of years after countless genocides and forced fleeing. So many cultures with similar stories to ours have been completely wiped out. But through a mix of tradition and adaptability in equal parts, a dedication to observe our tradition no matter the circumstances, this culture has prevailed and always will. Everyone who tried to kill us for good has failed and always will. There’s something so invigorating and empowering about that, as horrible as all the tragedy has been and continues to be.

Speed round of some Judaism fun facts!

- The Hebrew calendar is based on the lunar cycle, instead of solar like secular time. Currently it’s the year 5784, and the 6th day of Nisan. (Or maybe 7th by now?? Our days also begin at sundown!)

- Our most significant holidays, the High Holy Days, happen in the September-October range

- Virtually any commandment is permitted to be broken if following it could endanger someone’s health. Preservation of human life is beyond all other law. This is known as pikuach nefesh, “to save a soul.”

- The phrase “chosen people” gets misunderstood by gentiles a lot. We like to say we were “chosen to do the dishes.” We get the hard work of following a bunch of commandments gentiles don’t have to, in order to be so dedicated to doing good that we inspire the whole world to do good in their own way. It’s important to note that there is no concept of eternal damnation in Judaism, and there is no consequence for not being Jewish! We don’t proselytize, we don’t see our religion as “the correct one.”

And some recommendations for you!

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (co-founder of ao3!) is a Jewish fantasy novel, mixing multiple classic fairytales with dangerous fae creatures in a Slavic inspired setting. It’s gritty and dark yet so full of warmth and love, with some of the best female characters I’ve encountered in any media. It has so many little bits of Jewish culture sprinkled throughout that makes me giddy to see. And it also has THE best representation of the shape of antisemitism, how it operates and feels to experience. I cannot sing its praises enough.

Karov by Batya Levine is an album we’ve been listening to a lot this past week. Batya is a queer Ashkenazi musician inspired by historic Jewish music, and their stuff is absolutely beautiful. I’m a big fan of these lyrics from them: “we are good, we are flawed, we are the breath of an imperfect G-d.”

Thank you sm for sending an ask, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!! -Riley

[marxistmanicpixiedreamgrrrl]

The more I learn about the world &, importantly, myself, the more I find myself unabashedly, unapologetically caring & being myself; the odd, queer, sometimes dysfunctional person that I am. Because the act of being authentically is, truly, a beautiful if not divine thing to me. Existing is artistry. It's artistry in whatever abstract conception of the word "art" & "artist" I hold, in any case.

Existing as you are, without feeling ashamed for that to any degree other than the genuinely bad (read: immoral, not just socially unacceptable) qualities & traits you have is core, to me, to feeling liberated & free. If I wasn't the unashamedly cringey person I often am, or try to be, I don't think I'd feel nearly as good about myself as I do. & actually caring for yourself is the first step to caring about anything else.

Another dimension to this for me is how this isn't something I created for myself, not entirely anyway, there's people who have taught me to care, there's things which made it clear to me that caring, in the purest sense of the word, is a radical act worthy of respect as much as any other. One of the first things which made me feel this way, cognisantly, is something which used to be in the bio of almost every social media account I had. A quote from The Leftist Cooks' video "This is Not a Video Essay."

"Do you want to save the world? Can we admit that to each other? Do you want to save the world? I want to save the world." There's something real in admitting that that I think a lot of people, myself included, are afraid of. It's vulnerable! It sets you up to fail. Because, like, yeah, of fucking course I want to save the world! But I can't. & you can't. & Neil from The Leftist Cooks can't either. But we can try, and together, if we care & go out & do things we might one day succeed.

Something else which really impacted me in regards to all this, whatever you want to call it, Caring & Existing or something like that, probably the very first in that regard, is folk-punk. I could go on a tirade about how it's the song of my people or whatever, being an anarchist, but what I find most important is that it's also vulnerable & honest. & it's music for losers! Half the time it's about making art because you're too unproductive to change the world. The other half is about drug abuse. But, like, it's real. & it cares. Folk-punk speaks about relatable struggles & experiences & reminds you that everyone else in this mess with you is as dysfunctional as the next. & there's work to be done there, sure, but that won't ever go away. & we need to go out & do stuff anyway!

I find this sentiment all throughout my life, mirrored in a way which is almost creepy in its persistence. A book I read years ago, The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe contains the quote "we’re all just different flavours of fucked-up, hiding it as best as we can." I don't necessarily know what I'm trying to say. Probably something about how important art is & has been to me & how much I genuinely adore people. We're weird & a bit screwed up & I genuinely think that's beautiful.

If there's anything conclusive I'd want to say it'd be this: Go out & be yourself, authentically. Fuck up. Fall down & get back up again. & try to change the world in a positive way, while you're at it. Just don't sweat the small stuff, disregard morally neutral social conventions whenever you can, & it's always better to do a bad job than not to do it at all.

[rachelgarland00]

The thing about working at an adult toy store

...is that some days are harder than others.

Haha. Haha. Ha.

Really though, the thing you need to know is that most of the job is about being alone and patient. Except no one is patient. Like any job, it’s all about curating a bit of a Disorder that is useful. But the thing I like about my job is that I don’t have to deal with many people, especially men. Save for the frankly rare public masturbator or rowdy high schooler, I’ve never had much trouble here. The kind of men that are scary in the real world are, like, so embarrassed by their own pleasure that you can kind of socially dominate them in a way just by helping them. Just don't let them get too comfortable and you're in and out clean.

Besides, I enjoy helping people. I can lose my breath describing the makeup and attributes of our lubes, wands, bullets, butterflies, jellies, pumps, rings, etc. Not to mention the long, long list of BDSM gear. We might be the single most well-stocked store in the city, which is cool though nobody seems to realize that except me. It's a low bar.

It’s exciting stuff though, because most of the merchandise we actually get out the door is genuinely useful. I like to help younger queer couples (before or after they stop by the dispensary across the parking lot), older straight couples, and just people looking for something to do with their afternoon, I am happy to help. It doesn’t feel like upselling if the orgasms are real, y’know? In Oklahoma, especially, a lot of customers are people that have never had their sexuality validated in even very simple ways. Like…

—

Old Woman with Arthritis: i want to masturbate, but my wrists hurt.

Rachel: Here's a vibrator, Old Woman with Arthritis!

 — 

Recently I’ve had to talk quite a bit about “microplastics” and “chemical leaching”, which I admit is beyond my pay but, y’know, I try. Almost any conversation is welcome. Most customers don’t want to ask for help, so I’m usually the scary curly hair lady behind the counter with the amyl nitrite. Y'know, the video head cleaner. For your videos. 

It’s usually only me out front. Kiwi, my coworker is often in the backroom testing the toys, which is not what it sounds like. She sits in her AmazonBasics office chair with a stopwatch on her phone and reads while whatever toy she’s testing buzzes away its battery on the desk. Then she sets another stopwatch and charges it. She's been here since I left and I suppose she enjoys being the wizard behind the curtain now that I’m back. Sometimes she has to answer emails, though. So I guess I'm happy where I am.

Oh and when I say read I mean she READS. Like actual books. With hardcore music playing paradoxically quiet in one wireless earbud. It’s kind of incredible. 

Kiwi (21 years old): Oh I’m, like, thirty I just don’t get social media.

Rachel: Girl shut up, how do you do it?

Kiwi: I don't know. Didn’t you delete all of your socials?

Rachel: I did.

Kiwi: So then what do you do?

Rachel: … Blog.

Look, being back at this job was never my plan. I'm not a sexologist or anything remotely professional, really. I didn't finish college and don't feel like returning. So what? I'm standing at the edge of my life, and it looks like the green brick of this store's facade as far as I can see. Honestly, I at least prefer that to my Mom's house.

At least I think I made a friend. Kiwi is an interesting girl

[distortionenby]

About and pinneds

Hi! I'm Michi or Gino. I am a queer 20-something. I go by it/he pronouns.

I'm Pro-Palestine, Zionists fuck off. 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸

No DNI but I block as soon as I don't like you.

Please, don't tag me on tag-games.

I am chronically ill and cannot afford my full treatment. This is my ko-fi where I am taking commissions/donations if you want to help me buy my monthly medication that I need to stay alive. (Postponed. GO DONATE TO 🇵🇸 GAZA 🇵🇸 FUNDRAISERS. I'd rather get by on just my main medication than let more innocent people be murdered en mass by genocidal colonizers)

Notes on this blog's content:

I am an adult. Anyone under 18 here is not my responsibility, I'm not your parent. If you're uncomfortable, you're always free to leave or to block me, curate your own space.

This is my personal blog, it will feature NSFW content, either reblogged or posted (mostly art/fic if it's a post of my own) every now and then. Be warned and don't be weird.

Kids/teens/anyone under 18, don't interact with any of the nsfw stuff I post/reblog

(Listen, I know this is tumblr but if you see me blogging, and the post has anything sexual/nsfw/mature, don't touch it. This is a personal boundary. If I happen to know you're a minor and you cross it, I'll send a message asking you to please delete it. If you don't, I'm blocking you. I'd rather save myself the mess. And no, I don't care how mature you think you are.) I am not your parent and you're not in school or at a kid's event. I am not responsible for any kids here so I probably won't check if you're a minor or not whenever you interact with my posts because that's not my job and I have a life, but I also don't want any awkward situations, so please, respect the boundary. I do care about child-safety, but I also cannot be obssessively checking every single time and kid-ifying my personal space for others who can perfectly see the warnings and just not look in here.

Given the new act of people feeding fanfiction to AI systems such as Chat-GPT, I have privated my Ao3 account. I am deeply upset by this but I genuinely don't want to risk my hobby to be chewed up and spat out for corporate. Any reproduction of my work is therefore strictly prohibited, especially in regards to AI generators. This also goes to usage of my art in general, if you want to use my art in any form for personal use, do ask me first.

Blog specific tags:

disenbypost for all posts made by me

disenbyask for answered asks

disenbythought for general musings

disenbyfandom for anything fandom related

disenbyart for art posts

disenbywrite for fanfiction links (Ao3)

Will tag any triggers that people ask me for (you can ask on anon and let me know how I should tag it).

Reblogs of my posts are much appreciated! Likes are nice but reblogs are what actually helps my art reach more people.

My other blogs:

@spiralingnoodle (my reblog blog for mostly TMA art but also monster-adjacent fandoms/characters and monster stuff in general. Will include horror media, gore, and nsfw.

@simpin4rockppl (my band/rock blog. Mostly Led Zeppelin, David Bowie and MCR but other artists too).

@/distortionenby on Ao3, tiktok and bluesky

Full-time interests:

Dinosaurs

Sea animals

Queer stuff

Language and linguistics

Witchcraft

Cryptids and monsters (lore and design)

Autistic and queer characters (canon or coded)

Musicals

Current fandoms:

The Magnus Archives / Protocol

Led Zeppelin

From Eroica with Love

(will list as they come to mind. For now those names are the ones I can remember)

[somethin-real]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

I am once again answering asks months later than I should have because time isn’t real and I never open my phone BUT I will never give up an excuse to talk about the stuff I like so let’s go

(This is in no particular order because besides the first two I can’t pick a favourite child)

1) interview with the vampire (tv)

God. This thing has taken over my brain chemistry. I first watched it as the first season aired a few years back and loved it then and now that the second season has aired I literally cannot stop thinking about it. I have watched every episode of this series at least four times, some more than others because I genuinely can’t get enough. It’s simply so perfect to me… the camp… the vampires… everyone should watch this at least once in their lives (I am also currently working my way through the books and they are so tasty)

2) nbc Hannibal

GUH. I strangely never talk about it but Hannibal was one of the first shows to rewire my brain like iwtv has. I first watched it back in high school I think after a girl I had a crush on lended it to me on a usb stick and I think it’s so perfect. I find it really beautiful in a real vile way (pos) and can watch it over and over without tiring (in fact I could probably recite many of the episodes off by heart which I wouldn’t consider a problem but Some People might). The relationship between Hannibal and Will is so palpable and harrowing and I genuinely once wrote an essay on it for uni (I got an eighty) because I’m Normal

3) life is strange 2

a bit of a random one, but ever since I played the first episode of lis2, I’ve been obsessed with it. say what you want about the lis games, but there’s something really lovely to me about Sean and Daniel. maybe it’s because it reminds me of my little brother, maybe it’s because the experience of being a Latin person in North America is so familiar, but it’s a really beautiful game and I’ve replayed it… seven times now? I think? I keep trying to get different endings but I’m weird about making people do bad stuff in video games surprisingly

4) red dead redemption 2

Look man. I like cowboys, I like the great outdoors, I like the idea that Arthur Morgan (gunslinging criminal) is actually a pretty princess. Maybe I’m projecting but he really is a beautiful woman to me. this is another game I’ve played way too many times even though playing the epilogue bit where you have to build the fence makes me want to die. also Javier and John should kiss and I want sadie Adler to be my wife

5) sarazanmai

Maybe a bit of an oddball but this is one of those anime that’s like looking at a car wreck. You simply cannot look away. What began as a strange, mythological mindfuck of a show slowly morphed into a beautiful story about queerness and friendship and love and I recommend it to everyone because I just think it’s so good

6) wildhood

This movie fundamentally changed me. It’s a Canadian queer indigenous coming of age film that I watched on a whim when I was scrolling through a streaming service on a lazy weeknight a few years ago, and I didn’t expect it to be something so beautiful and touching. It’s about a young guy named link who finds out his mother (who left him with his abusive father) is alive, and so he crosses the province trying to find her with his younger half brother and someone who’d saved him from some racist convenience store owner. It’s a visually really pretty movie, and on top of that the story is absolutely beautiful and makes me cry every time I watch it. I think I’ve forced every single one of my friends to watch this movie all the while I stared at them like this 👁️👁️ to gauge their reaction to it. please please please watch this

7) to be taught if fortunate by becky chambers

this book!!!!!! THIS BOOK!!!! I had to read this for first year English my first year of university and normally books I’m forced to read are never ones that have a hold on me but I genuinely could not put this book down. I’m also not really one for science fiction, but despite the overall premise (a bunch of researchers get cryo slept in space only to awake and find that a disaster has happened on earth, wiping out a majority of the population) I feel like it focuses less on the science fiction and more so on the relationships between all of the astronauts, most of whom are queer and in a weird pseudo poly relationship with each other. idk I just thought this book was really beautiful and fun and I think everyone should read it

8) jojo’s bizarre adventure

look. this thing had to make it on here okay. I put off getting into jojo for a long time even though I’d been thoroughly aware of it even back in middle school, and when I finally caved I watched all of it in about two months, shaking and gnawing at the bars of my enclosure the whole time. it’s just so silly and fun and I think kishibe rohan should be real (he is)

I was going to add more but my brain somehow isn’t working so I’m going to do some honourable mentions again in no particular order: yakuza series, death note, after dark by haruki murakami, anything by Allen Ginsberg, kill your darlings, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia, fellow travellers (book and show)

Thank you so much for the ask!

[ignitesthestxrs]

Ssince your askbox is open: give us an update on life? You moved out some time ago to your first place if I remember correctly, how’s it going? What ya up to? You like your job?

wah this is cute anon, thank you! and also a reminder of how very long i have been on this webbed site phew

in hindsight i think moving out was a rough transition for me, although i handled it the best way i could at the time. like it was necessary and ultimately good for me, but i can also clearly see now that this was the start of increasing issues with undiagnosed adhd where i went from a very rigid environment where i had a lot of structure imposed on my life by an external source, to an environment where everything was up to me, and it turns out i was not a super reliable person to give that job to!

that was: a while ago though. these days my living situation is genuinely wonderful and it happened almost entirely accidentally. one of my flatmates had to move out a couple of years ago, so i asked a younger friend who was ready to leave home herself if she was interested in moving in. there was a brief Blip where our third flatmate (TRULY A CUNT) started a campaign of terror that ultimately ended in me kicking her out, which is how we acquired a newer, gayer flatmate. after like a year? her partner moved in, and this is now a 4 lesbian household with one full time cat and three part time cats that just come in through our cat door at will.

nothing is perfect obvs but the difference between living in a house where i was not friends with anyone there and one person actually actively hated me, vs living with people whom i love, who are similarly queer and neurodivergent (this is a 3/4 adhd household, yes it is a mess), who have understanding and community, is the kind of life-changing, revitalising experience i could not have imagined before i had it. like i spent most of my life being alone and enjoying being alone, and i still do spend a lot of time by myself, but it's with the knowledge that like,,,not only can i wander down into the lounge and chill with someone, but that sometimes i will in fact want to do this. this was a revelation for me! i could not have predicted this for myself, and im very glad things unfolded in this way, because there were a couple of moments there where i was very tempted to make simpler, lonelier choices that would have involved taking less of a Chance, and my life would have been duller because of it.

my job is my job! i still work at the same place i always have (15 year anniversary next may lol). i work from home 4/5 days a week (i go in on a monday with my team and don't have to deal with the rest of the company, which suits me well). i make databases of consumer information acquired from surveys that then gets sold to media companies and advertisers, it is not exactly a world-saving endeavor, but we have a solid privacy policy in place so it's ethically survivable LOL.

one thing that has changed over the past few years is that i basically grabbed a metaphorical crowbar and started insisting that we needed more DEI (diversity, equity, inclusion) work happening in our business. this is also not a world-saving endeavour, but it is a way of bringing something that i care about into my workplace in a way that makes practical, effective policy change. white collar workplaces are very good at saying the right thing and doing nothing, and while my workplace is better than many, it has been and continues to be a bit of a fight to drag them into the 'doing things' arena. but i am having gradual success, and my ultimate goal is to create a DEI specialist position for myself if i have to like, carve it out with a butter knife. my boss is on board with this and will throw his weight around as requested, and doing this work definitely brings some interest and purpose to what is a pretty standard tech-adjacent job otherwise.

2023 has been a year of gently trying new things for me. i had a necessary surgery that has given me a new lease on life. i feel like myself again. i have been going to concerts and plays, i have done some volunteer work at a helpline (although i need to follow up on this, a thing that i am notoriously bad at doing). i am trying to reframe my relationship with creativity and writing, a big part of which has been like,,,reading again. my attention span was Shot for a few years though, and this is the first year of being medicated and like, Well enough overall in a long time that i have been able to sustain a pretty regular turnover of books.

i had a period of time there where i was kind of desperately, hysterically unhappy with myself in a way that resulted in me being Incredibly Fucking Needy because i didn't have anything to fill myself up with, i guess? so i have been on a journey of like, well to be interested by yourself it helps to do interesting things, so there has been a lot of re-connecting with hobbies and doing things because i might enjoy them, not because i want to talk about them on the internet. for real, i do think i killed my soul with twitter there for a while.

SO YEAH overall it has been a ride and a life, but i am in a really lovely place right now, even with the bumps and the hardships and the State Of Living. we grow and we go, right?

[luxioo]

I feel like I have to say something now that the movie is officially dead and more than likely the entire ip, like a eulogy

genuinely yuri on ice and it's fandom changed my life, both for good and bad. I would not trade those experiences for the world, if I could go back to those times I would. I remember having watch-alongs with my mutuals and then immediately after dm'ing everyone to excitedly go over every little detail. I remember everyone thinking this was going to be another queercoded show with no real hints towards viktor and yuuri's relationship, and then the kiss happened! That kiss was revolutionary, especially given how heavily censored queer relationships were in anime! Queer relationships were saved for r18+ media, if it wasn't explicitly a BL/yaoi don't expect much, but yuri on ice was listed as a sports anime and goddammit they were going to make the relationships of these characters as explicit as possible! Seeing such an openly queer show take the world by storm made my heart swell, even in western media that was not the norm! I had a sweatshirt from hot topic of that kiss that I wore proudly around my college campus, I still wear a replica of yuuri and viktor's rings on a necklace (despite how tarnished they are from years of use), and my cane has a keychain of yuuri holding up his "love" sign. Being able to openly share such a healthy loving queer relationship out in the open and have others share that joy when they saw it made my little closeted self so happy. Yuri on ice has lead me to meeting the most amazing people and the most loving communities who helped me through the toughest time of my life, truly this fandom lives up to yuuri's theme of "love" and I am so so glad to have shared these experiences with all of you. I'll never stop caring about this series and I'll always share my joy for it through things like merch, fanart, and fanfiction. If there's nobody left in this fandom then I'm dead, cause I'll always be here, cheering on this fictional found family.

Thank you Yamato, thank you Kubo, thank you to the entire crew, and thank you all of you.

See you next level 💙

[certifiablyinsanez]

“Why does everything you read/watch/listen to have to be gay?”

Because nothing ever was for the longest time and I’m making up for lost time.

Do I really have to sit here and explain what kind of damage it does to a person to never see yourself anywhere? To not see yourself on TV, to have no books dedicated to your stories, to not even hear a single song about who you are? To have access to the largest collection of knowledge in human history and you can’t even find a single person like you even on the 50th fucking page of google?

Any stories that featured us were stereotypical, “kill your gays” bullshit that was basically just a huge propaganda poster carried over from the AIDS crisis. Not showing people like me, like us, in media in a positive life EVER in history didn’t keep me cis-het. It didn’t keep me “a good Christian girl”. It did NOTHING to keep me in line with the rules of a bigoted society. The only thing it did was leave me a sick, confused, angry, miserable little kid that is struggling to find healing even now among this queer renaissance. I was a lesbian, even when they tried to hide the word from me. I was asexual/aromantic, when those words didn’t even exist. I was non-binary, well before I learned that word for the first time in my fucking mid 20’s. We were ALWAYS gonna find out who we are. But when we did, we had nowhere to turn with it.

Now there’s a little space. Mind you, I mean little. The world didn’t suddenly become Gay Utopia just because a few authors, actors and musicians came out. But we cling to what we have because it’s a real lifeline.

I had my fill of cis-het romance books. I’ve heard enough songs about the relationships between cis-het men and women. I’m DONE with television that tells the stories of people whose lives will always be foreign to me.

I don’t read or watch anything else anymore because it’s finally here, and it’s mine and it’s what I’ve wanted since I was 10 and didn’t know why I didn’t like boys. Since I was 17 and didn’t have a speck of sexual experience like my peers. Since I was 24 and had just learned gender wasn’t binary.

They can try to pry my shows, my books, my life, from my cold dead hands because I’m not letting go. We aren’t going back.

[ineffectualdemon]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Ooo this is a good question but a difficult one to answer but I'm gonna do my best!

Also these are in no particular order cause I just can't rank them

1. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman

It's a collection of short stories that I first read as a teenager. It created my love for short stories as a genre and how wonderfully weird they can be. More importantly though the story Changes was the first hint to me that gender wasnt a fixed binary. I read it over and over again on the floor of my bedroom and cried and didn't yet know why. It became incredibly important to me.

2. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien (both books and the Peter Jackson films)

It's a story about hope in the face of despair and fighting in even when that glimmer of hope has faded. Because at least you can say you tried. At least you did not go quietly into that goodnight. It's a story about found family and companionship and compassion. And god knows I need that

3. Scum Villian's Self Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

It's in many ways very shit posty and funny and not for everyone but it's at it's heart a story about the cycle of abuse, of the need to communicate with the people in your life fully and honestly, and love. It's about stopping and listening and opening up your heart. It's also funny as hell and the main character is infuriating and the most queerphobic queer protagonist ever so your milage may vary

4. Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible (both manga and anime)

This is my soft comfort pick. It's such a soft story about highschool romance between two characters who take a long time to even realise their feelings. But it's also a story about a boy who has been extremely isolated and alone his whole life being pulled into the world. It's about friendship and kindness and the importance of connections with others as much as it's about the romance. It's extremely cute too and it's my current go to media when I'm feeling sad. The anime only just started so there is only 5 episodes out atm

5. Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman (Book)

This is one of the most read books in the house. I fell in love with it as a kid and it's still one of my favourites. It's exciting and funny and an examination in a lot of ways on what it is to be human. It's also in a lot of ways a coming of age story as one of the main characters is a boy who is on the cusp of being a teenager. I love it but there are some bits that are products of the time that it was written and also if you want more of our Demon and Angel duo who carry the story then you might prefer...

6. Good Omens the TV show

It's got everything I love about the book but updated to more modern times. Also more development of Crowley and Aziraphale (the demon and angel) and their relationship. It's very true to the book and what's changed is still fitting to the original. Also reminded me in feel of the first Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy TV show. Which in my opinion is a plus

7. Taskmaster - TV show OG British version

British show where comedians do silly tasks. There are 14 seasons out and it's just very silly and fun and endlessly entertaining

8. Mashle: Magic and Muscles - manga

In a world where everyone has magic one boy doesn't. But he is swole as hell.

There are a lot of reasons I love it but I think I can capture the main reason why with one image:

9. Yuri on Ice - anime

I love it one because I was there when we all realised this was canonically gay and lost our collective shit. I love it because the relationship between Victor and Yuuri felt very authentic and genuine. I love it because the antagonist was Yuuri's own anxiety/insecurities. And it still has one of the best twists I've ever seen in media. Also the music is amazing

10. The Goonies

This movie was a staple of my childhood and is still my biggest comfort media. It's silly and weird but it is like an old soft blanket that I wrap around myself when down

Hope that answers your question! This was fun to do :)

[feline-evil]

As someone who, due to life factors i don't wish to detail, had turned to social media years ago as his only way to find any kind of social interaction or ability to find others like himself i find the slow, disgustingly pitiful deaths that capitalism is causing to major sites not only incredibly aggravating but also deeply sad and worrying. The internet is getting more and more sprawled out and disconnected and there are both more and more sites and yet fewer and fewer places that really feel like you can congregate on and easily find things you're into and people who are into them too, it feels like community is harder and harder to foster; and lets not even get into how hellish this is if you are a fulltime independent artist online who has yet to create a large enough fanbase to support you and follow you to wherever you have to go when the next site inevitably becomes unusable or hostile to you. And i know we like to encourage people to touch grass and go offline and make connections out in the real world and i agree that that is incredibly important, but i do feel like there's this elephant in the room of the fact not everyone can; the circumstances i have existed in have shut me off from socialization and i HAD to turn to the internet for it, and i KNOW i am not the only person who has lived their life in this position! People who are broke, disabled, live in areas hostile to them or simply devoid of community and without social events; sometimes the internet IS your best bet at socializing and i really do worry about people like this, like me, as the internet slowly rots as it is lately.

The internet was also for me, and i'm sure many others, the only place i could explore my queerness and learn about such concepts as being trans; if it hadn't been for social media sites like this one (as occasionally well meaning but clouded by discourse as it was) i would never have even known trans men existed nor that i could be one. I would have had no idea what was 'different' about me or that i could choose to be something other than that which was slowly destroying me with the grief i felt for having to be it. I never would have met my boyfriend either, nor my friends; you can scoff if you like but genuinely the amount of life changing and life saving things the internet have provided me with have ensured i am still here today. I don't know, i'm just mournfully watching as the year slowly erodes what little i've had over the years in terms of people seeing what i make or having spaces to talk to one another and I'm worried about how bad this is going to get. With every death of a social media website that's become The One we congregate on we each spread off into a million different smaller, harder to find each other on ones, and who among us can really say they have the same time to give 5 different sites that they give to 1. My world was lonely before the internet became a thing i could access, and so was many other peoples i'm sure. I'm worried about it becoming that lonely again for people.

[rifabutin]

people on here will literally have urls and stan other people whos whole shtick is dark themes in fiction and then shit on dark themes in fiction and go as far as to say such media should be banned like youre such babies lol. the incest boogeyman isnt going to get you but conservatives just might. im so sick of you genuinely all you do is bitch and moan about a little unhealthiness and scream and cry like how does this affect you in any way. and youll say "raghhh dont sexualize my trauma" when your only trauma is shit every 14 year old and their mother has been through like get a fucking grip ive been beaten raped ect far worse than any antishit complaining about fictional tropes and many of my compatriots especially have been through worse than me so of course you would dedicate all of your time to chasing after problems you made tf up in your own underdeveloped brains to distract everyone else from self reflecting for 1 millisecond and realizing youre all victim complex babies grossly overstating their own experiences so you can be coddled and hugboxed while you shit on actual victims because theyre not being traumatized correctly. and its so fucking embarassing. youre so fucking scared of being outed as hypersensitive fraudlent victimlets that you will leap at any distraction to keep the brainlets on tumblr and twitter from figuring out that youre not as traumatized as you want to be. and you want to be traumatized because you dont have an interesting bone in your body and you think thatll save you. youre a psuedointellectual and a creative eunich and you cannot even be slightly worth anything to save your life. and thats why youre going to drop tf out of film school and die homeless and begging for scraps on the internet because youre a queer disabled mxnority and your daddy made you put glass in your vagina. Retard.

[scattered-winter]

tagged by @soleadita im kissing u on the cheek like a mob boss

top 15 tv shows in no particular order !!

911 on abc (found family. whump. angst. absolute batshit insane shenanigans. jennifer love hewitt and angela bassett. ryan guzman getting blood all over him on multiple occasions. what's not to love)

gen:LOCK (season 1 only) (there is no season 2 in ba sing se) (found family and robots and cool animation and cool music and found family and coolest fucking dichotomy between hero and villain and and and)

rwby (the WORLDBUILDING. the WRITING. the CHARACTERS. the WEAPONS. GENUINELY IT GOES SOOO SO SO CRAZY.)

the bear (im not done with it yet and lack of actual real bears ASIDE. this show is so so beautiful and masterfully done. im literally obsessed)

supernatural (UNFORTUNATELY some of the episodes do kinda go hard.)

daredevil (the CINEMATOGRAPHY the DEPRESSED BLOODIED CATHOLIC BOY the INSANE WOMEN the JOHN PAESANO SOUNDTRACK truly this show is unmatched)

zoo netflix. (is it GOOD? no. but it is very fun and involves found family living on a plane solving mysteries and trying to stop the apocalypse so truly. does it even NEED to be good)

agents of shield (again i havent finished it but ouhghgoughhghh......found family.....whump.....literally this show was GAME CHANGING for me. i would not be the whump enjoyer i am today if it weren't for the scene where daisy gets shot point blank and lovingly lowered to the ground by the man who shot her. truly. also huge fan of the asian american female lead who is a complex multifaceted character. love her.)

dc's legends of tomorrow (THEEE goofysilly funtimes show of the century. queer found family superheroes who live on a time traveling spaceship and try to protect the timestream from anomalies. they are very, very bad at their job. a zombie apocalypse breaks out in the middle of the american civil war. a giant fluffy teddy bear named beebo fistfights an ancient time demon. they have to save college student barack obama from gorilla grodd. a unicorn bites one of the character's nipples off. truly the most show ever. perhaps of all time.)

kingdom (netflix) (kdrama) (GENUINELY the best zombie media i have ever seen in my life. barring train to busan maybe. the costume design is gorgeous and the camerawork is gorgeous and the characters are complex and multifaceted and the zombies are fascinating and the entire thing is a commentary on class and poverty. and it's set in medieval korea so they have to fight zombies with SWORDS)

carmen sandiego (fun characters. u learn lots of cool things about lots of cool places. found family. heists. nonexistent romance subplots so it's a HUGE win for the aros. stupid little french detective who wears a banana suit onscreen. et cetera.)

leverage (LITERALLY THE SHOW OF ALL TIME. anti capitalist. found family. heists. the government is a corrupt system that only serves the people in power. christian kane beating people up. multifaceted characters. autistic character that's actually like. presented respectfully. and realistically. alec hardison. insane people.)

avatar the last airbender/legend of korra (they KINDA WENT OFF WITH BENDING.)

arcane (the animation......the tragic sisters.......the music.....)

green lantern the animated series (the animation kinda sucks unfortuantely. however. HOWEVER. it has my boy of all time. with the character arc of all time. and learning how rage and vengeance are harmful to everyone including yourself. and how grief and rage go hand in hand and the only way to heal from it is hope. and and and and and)

leo already tagged the gc so im gonna tag @frigidboy and anyone else who wants to do it :]