#quarantine has done a number on her creativity

[mitskihost]

aftg characters as things my sister has said "sober"

aaron - i support the gay, i don't support you. that's not homophobic that's your personality.

nicky - i think i need a camera on me at all times because we need a little comedy for the coming generations. unfortunately, considering how things are right now - that isn't going to happen.

neil - i usually am not homicidal, but when i see your face - it's like a catalyst. it just makes me want to aggressive upper cut

renee - you have no demons, you literally have kittens in your soul.

manic andrew - small dogs are the worst, just look at me.

wymack - your crackhead energy makes me want to *crack head* open

allison - for someone who hates men, you sure behave like one

matt - when life gives you melons, it forgets to give you forks

jeremy - it's time to retrospect your entire life

kevin - notice how your head didn't crack open? that's because you have no head. no head? *aggressive jump*

sober andrew - i don't have feelings, i have mushrooms

seth - i will not hesitate to lock you in the closet, even though you've been there for half your life

dan - not a quote because my sister has too much dumb bitch energy for dan, BUT she did kick a guy in the balls at the tender age of 8 when he made fun of her height. sounds like dan to me

[studyingdisorderlyconduct]

an essay on the concept of work

Before society, before written record, humans hunted- they foraged, traveled, and reproduced. Was this ‘work’? The more apt description might be ‘survival’. To me, this then implies something post-Industrial Revolutionary about the modern idea of work, that work is what remains to be done when by all counts, our physical needs are met, such that work becomes more synonymous with ‘purpose’.

The word ‘job’ implies a beginning and end, consider the phrase ‘until I finish the job’. But work is roomier than that, there is space for growth and change. Work doesn’t often have a definite end, nor do we always want there to be one.

Still, equating work to ‘purpose’ doesn’t seem right to me either. To think of work purely as purpose, in a higher transcendental sense, is unrealistic, because the majority of us work to survive. We might not be foraging for food anymore, but we still have bills to pay. Work still serves a gritty, functional purpose, ensuring that we don’t prematurely keel over from starvation or exposure.

Maybe then, work lies somewhere between survival and purpose. We need it in a very base way to maintain, to provide, to generate coin that we may exchange for oat milk and hot pockets and a shitty studio apartment that we’ll probably never get the deposit back on. But work still has the potential to fulfill something beyond that, to satiate a need that is abstract and uniquely human. Work does this too, taps into something in our higher human consciousness thirsting for meaning and activity.

In her essay, “Uses of the Erotic,” Audre Lorde contemplates a new definition of work, one that de-centers profit, and directs its core meaning towards the fulfillment of human need. But what constitutes human need? A sociologist may say that we need affordable housing, accessible food sources, and a reliable means of getting from one place to another. A psychologist may say that humans need a sense of purpose, social connection, a means to construct identity. A priest would say faith. An artist would say beauty. Human existence is such that we need all of these and more, but this notion, rather than helping us narrow down the definition of work, seems only to further blur it beyond comprehension. We might have an easier time attempting to identify what work can do rather than what it is.

To me, the shape of work is a shifting, ephemeral thing, its boundaries give easily under the gentle nudging of human subjectivity and desire. Yet, I find that its function is simple- to stave off boredom. 

There was a psychological study carried out, wherein people were placed in a room with nothing except a button that they were told, very plainly, would deliver an electric shock if pushed. These people were left in this room alone for a length of time, with no company but that of themselves and the shock delivering button. The study found that a surprisingly high number of people chose to press the button, despite previously claiming that they would pay money to not be electrically shocked. What this tells us is a simple truth about human nature- we hate being bored. We would rather knowingly, and sometimes repeatedly, inflict pain upon ourselves than have to spend any long length of time with nothing to do.

I observed this first hand in my own life when deep in the isolated throes of quarantine. The days droned on and on in endless monotonous hours on the computer, punctuated only by the need to eat, sleep, or take a bathroom break. Yet ironically, it was during this time that I felt I did my richest work. It took form in writing handwritten letters to a pen pal living in Germany, in my sudden obsession with magazine cut-out collages that I would ‘sign’ with a wax seal, in my spontaneous interest in studying the screenplay and trying my hand at writing one, in rearranging my bedroom. Against the backdrop of boredom, my impulsive creativity and spontaneous curiosity grew sharp; it nagged persistently at the back of my brain, drew my hands away from my laptop keyboard and towards the pen or paintbrush.

I don’t use the word ‘boredom’ to be glib or to trivialize what work means. To me, boredom is not just an effect of having nothing to do, it encompasses all that holds back human potential in the forms of apathy, monotony, dissociation, and neglect- the poison of stagnation. Meaningful work is a vessel, propelled forward by the immutable human need for material sustenance and given direction by loftier goals of self-actualization, legacy, and human connection. Work invigorates through time well-occupied, effort acknowledged and appreciated (even if just by oneself). Work is relational- it strengthens connections, it tightens the fabric of a community and can be the framework upon which we raise a generation. Work is generative, work expands.

What might happen if we all expanded our definitions of work beyond our jobs, beyond our careers, if we dissociated work from grind culture and from a gilded American Dream? What, then, would become valuable work? Perhaps we might begin to hail the humble janitor, the lowly babysitter. We might value the arts more. When we understand work to be a response to human need, we can begin to comprehend the true complexity and breadth of that need, its subjectivity and, at times, its baffling simplicity. Work becomes driven, not by its monetary worth or profitability, but by human desire, and we can begin to embrace it as a way to fulfill a need that may be as sublime as self-actualization or as true and simple as the right to exist.

Note: This came about in response to someone asking me to reflect on my 'workview'. A play on 'worldview', the workview exercise asks you to consider your philosophy on the concept of work, your theory of work. The original prompt asked for approximately 250 words. Clearly, I elected to ignore that.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Mon 15 March ‘21

FIRST TIME GRAMMY AWARD WINNING ARTIST HARRY STYLES!! From the bottom of the stairs to the top of the fucking world baby, get itttt!! He won Best Pop Solo Performance for smash hit Watermelon Sugar-- the other two categories he was up for went to others but he was a dark horse for any of them so getting one is awesome! Yeah the grammys are shit but I’m so happy for him to see him receiving validation and acclaim from the industry that has never appreciated what he (and his bandmates) are and can do as artists, it’s a fucking start you know? We can enjoy the moment! Harry did! His acceptance speech was short and it feels like he was blindsided and forgot everything (including not to swear on TV and as pro as he is you know that means he was absolutely reeling, I love that) but later he said “I want to thank my fans for giving me an environment to be free to make the music that I want to make and supporting me along the way the last ten years”, yes that’s right we have helped you find a place to feel good, and “this is an incredibly sweet icing on the cake of what I get to do everyday so thank you.”

But that’s not all! He also performed, and wore things! Say what you want about Harry (or better yet please DON’T at least to me but that’s a losing battle) we always get so hyped up about even just seeing his outfits and he does not let us down! BLACK LEATHER, TITS FULLY OUT, DICK BANANA CHARM, AND A MUPPET BOA? Yeah he did that! Shirtless under a patent leather suit, I mean: wow. Very glam rock, very… well listen it’s just very GAY in like so many different ways??? Harry Lambert said they wanted “something darker, sexier, and more unexpected” which is definitely about that look I’m assuming and not the pastel thrift store rummage bin hodgepodge he wore later, unless Harry(s) and I have very different ways of interpreting “darker”. (Harry L also said “free the nipple” and we can all see that he MEANT it.) Harry red carpet-ed and accepted his award in a lavender muppet boa, tits slightly less out but still cleavagey, and with a seemingly random collection of other garments YES BABY OKAY you just WEAR THAT THEN! About that Harry L said, “we wanted to do something that felt British and eccentric, a little bit rock ‘n’ roll and a little bit camp,” but the people have spoken and they said ‘we think he looked like Cher from Clueless’ so, sorry Harry(s)! Esquire struggling to describe the look-- “the kind of thing that Styles seems to make wearable” klasjdlk the doubtful ‘seems’ is sending me. Either way we can definitely all agree on the camp part, and that the matching face mask (as seen in the audience shots and in adorbs pics of him camping it up with Lizzo backstage) is amazing, love that (even if he does spend way too much time nervously pulling it on and off omg just LEAVE IT) and it even went also with outfit number THREE (or at least it did as well as any of his anything went together lol) which was a big floppy orange coat and plaid pants and a THIRD BOA, a dignified (haha JK NOPE it’s still a muppet) black number this time.

It seems the performance was filmed in advance rather than done live-- there were clues suggesting this might be the case, but the real giveaway was when a picture from it leaked before the broadcast, lol. Way to make it so we “can’t even tell if it’s live or not” Ben, and why is he STILL so obsessed with trying to gaslight us anyway my god just say what’s prerecorded it’s fiiiine. ANYWAY Harry played Watermelon Sugar and only WS; well after all it is his GRAMMY AWARD WINNING SONG. Plus it was a really nice version, all smooth and funky, with a highlight of the night being Harry’s full on 60s girl group choreo move with the backup singers, omg. Those backing vocalists were the duo G.A.W.D., and there was extra accompaniment by fellow nominee Devonte Hynes aka Blood Orange (who also directed the performance and no I do not know what that means) and “Spencer and Josh” on horns (the closest I can find to someone crediting them so, apologies guys). Anyway! All of them (regular HS band included) were decked out in matching gucci black leather too and looking good. And Harry looked so happy to be up there performing, just beaming like a lighthouse, so overall- good good stuff, I just keep on dancin!

The real bombshell of the performance though was subtle and needed confirmation after for the excitement to really hit-- it was Sarah drumming  decked out in tight black leather and visibly pregnant!! That’s right, band drummer Sarah Jones is PREGNANT by (Grammy Award winning) guitarist Mitch, there’s a HARRY STYLES BAND BABY on the way!!!! WHAT A NIGHT! It wasn’t enough for Harry to find love in his own band, he’s somehow cupid-ing that energy all over the place and spreading it around, AMAZING!

And Liam comes through with not just a sweet congratulations for Harry (“what a huge moment, proud to be your brother” awwww) but also the final word on the performance look- goddammit it IS one of the rejected Best Song Ever video looks, LMAOOOO. But did he tag HSHQ instead of Harry directly in acknowledgment of how the awards system really works and that they are all to be congratulated or simply because it was easier? We will never know.

Additional tidbits-- bassist Hynes was apparently playing creative director Molly Hawkins’ dad’s bass- did we know her dad was a famous bassist who played with Fleetwood Mac and many other 70s stars?! If I did I had definitely forgotten! And more Molly news-- she’s also pregnant!! Harry will soon be surrounded by quarantine babies, dreams really coming true huh? Harry posted a pic of himself with Mitch and Devonte looking very cooool, we saw the ceramic watermelons label execs were sent for the WS release last year, and Rebecca Ferguson who knows 1D from way back when (and has recently drawn attention for talking frankly about how fucked up the industry is and about having seen unnamed boy band members literally slammed against the wall by their management) congratulated Harry and posted a couple of baby pop star Harry pics, cuuuute. Louis’ merch handlers, in response to no complaints whatsoever, sent out emails apologizing. They say they’ve run out of lanyards which were meant to be sent out so they will “be adding a freebie which we know you’ll enjoy” to affected customers’ orders. That is sucky about the lanyards but that’s customer care! Niall posted about his cool bright limited edition merch to remind that it will be gone gone gone tonight and also shared a pretty and touching picture from a the large anti violence rally held in London to protest the killing of Sarah Everard today. And finally some good advice from Bebe Rexha, loved by larries; she says she loves us right back but please don’t kill anyone for not streaming her new song! Yes good plan.

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2020

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I know I speak for all when I say....I cannot wait to toss 2020 out the door the way Uncle Phil constantly did with Jazz. One of the things that got me through this rough year, besides family & friends & BTS, were fanfics.

It’s that time of year again where I make a list of all the fanfics that I absolutely adored. Some are by veteran favs of mine, others are new to me who just knocked it out of the park. If you’re interested in past lists, here is 2019′s list and 2018′s. If y’all are interested in doing your own fanfic favs of the year, please do so and tag me. Always on the hunt for new favs. 

So without furhter ado, my fav fanfics of 2020:

1). Another Word for Forever series by stardropdream (sheith)

Summary: Shiro knows better than to expect love in an arranged marriage. This is all for the sake of universal peace, after all, and solidifying a Terran-Galran alliance. At the very least, Shiro can hope to make a friend out of this. Becoming friends would be much easier, though, if he and his husband could actually communicate. 

With a language barrier and a mountain of cultural differences between them, getting to know Keith proves to be a challenge. Luckily, Shiro's always worked well with challenges.

2020 shockingly became the year of sheith. I ended up rewatching the show w/my bestie @littlenightdragon​. Diving more deeply into it w/my other bestie @kila09​. She and I spent the better half of this year devouring so many fanfics of them in various AUs. I came across new fanfic authors, and stardropdream is among them. 

If I could describe this series & stardropdream, I’ll take a cue from Lady Gaga: “ talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it”

This series was just PERFECTION. I’ve gotten into arranged-marriage AUs and this has been one of the best I’ve read. It was just perfection. The language barrier definitely added an extra charm to it, in which Shiro finds his own ways to get to know his husband better: both creative and funny ways. So many cute moments, so many funny moments with Hunk being the translating middle man between them, and the smut. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. THE SMUT. Just *chef’s kiss* Incredible. It was just so so sweet, and such a comfort read. I reread this series 5 times already and hope Robin (the writer) does more stories in this AU.

Please read this series. You’re not gonna regret it. It will MELT your heart. 

Honorable Mentions:

If I Called You Mine

Sail Across the Sky Just to Get to You

Finding Shelter (The Alien Baby Remix)

Say You Do(n’t)

2). The Golden Hour by @goldentruth813​ (sheith)

Summary:  After a space mission failure, Shiro loses his arm and his career. Two years later he's settled into a quiet and simple new life on his farm, but when a beautiful alien crashes in his field, he discovers the answers to his questions—and possibly the keys to his future—will come from the stars.

I’m sure no one, least of all Janel the writer herself, is surprised to see this author featured on this list. For now the 3rd year in a row. WOOOW  👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 She is the reason I got into shieth, and she just continues to put out amazing conent with them. This story by far has been the best she’s done this year-possibly one of the best ever. 

We have Shiro trying to have a simple life at the farm with his dog and animals. A curious BOM Keith who shakes things up with his boldness/innocence-and questions bound to test blood pressure, especially Shiro’s. Loads of cute moments, loads of funny moments, and also loads of oreos. 

If summary and my thoughts don’t sell you, only one thing will: reading it for yourself.

Honorable mentions:

Two Hearts in Bloom

Mountain Men

Home is in Your Heart

3). Spun like Gold by Neyasochi (sheith)

Summary: Though Shiro is currently operating his fledgling bakery business out of a decrepit food truck he got for cheap in a repossession sale, he dreams of something more: a cozy bakery and cafe on a tree-lined street somewhere, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and sugar glaze instead of diesel. A little money could go a long way to helping him get off the ground-- and luckily, Keith has money to burn.

Or: Keith takes care of Shiro’s financial woes, in exchange for a little sugar.

OMG, OMG, OMG was this story so sweet. Neyasochi already sold me with the baking/baker Shiro trope, but went a step further throwing in sugar-daddy Keith who knows his way around his manic family and cars, but when it comes to asking a cute guy out? What better way to make an impression than becoming his best paying customer?  

Honorable mentions:

oh, devour me

Healing Touch

on your hand of gold 

4). The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora​ (drarry)

Summary: In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.

If there’s one thing I love about fanfics is how they introduce you to tropes you never would consider before. Draco and knitting was a combo I didn’t realize how much I needed until now. And I love the fact knitting played a big part of the accidental bonding. Also loved the fact everyone in their friend group shipped them like crazy. Highly, highly recommend 

5) What’s My Age Again? by @lazywonderlvnd​ (drarry)

Summary: Harry Potter has had enough of pleasing the public, and his reckless tendencies are finally getting out of hand.

The Quidditch World Cup is only a week away; as Captain of the English National Team, Hermione has assured him that his immaturity won’t be tolerated by the Ministry.

And then Malfoy shows up.

(Inspired by the blink-182 song of the same name.)

It’s no secret that I’m such a fangirl of @lazywonderlvnd​. Any drarry story I read, I always love. Last year, I ADORED The Changing Lights, which was one of my favorites last year, and her updating/finishing the story was a massive highlight for me. I thank ya for that. 

This story was honestly refreshing. I’ve grown so used to Harry being responsible, always doing what’s right, that seeing a story where Harry pretty much has his middle finger in the air to “good reputation”, “being responsible,” because as he brought up: “I’m 25. I’ve been fighting all my life. I’ve earned my life to have fun.”

Okay, granted, it wasn’t quite like that but it was along those lines. And I agree. After all he went through, Harry deserves to have fun. He deserves to be reckless and make stupid decisions.

Also, it was such a blast reading a story where Harry is the brat & Draco has to keep him in line. LOVED.

Honorable mentions: 

Inside Your Mind

Aletheia

6). Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (drarry)

Summary:  When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love.

Do not let the title fool you like it did me. Title alone, I was thinking it was going to be a fun, fluffy story involving baking, maybe chocolate crafting. However....it was not that at all. It was more. A lot deeper. A lot more angsty. It explored mental health, PTSD and the dangers of loved ones ignoring the signs, and contained an important message:

You can’t love someone out of their illness/disease/ addiction. Which is true and this story showed that. 

7). i’m still here by owedbetter (zutara)

Summary: "You see me."

And somehow, that makes all the difference.

If there’s one of the few good things 2020 has brought, it was Netflix bringing back ATLA to their library. Which in turn ignited my love for zutara & had me drag @kila09​ into that ship. 

This story was just incredible. The way it was written, it really felt like it could have been canon. Deleted scenes that a certain creator didn’t want us to see. The way Zuko and Katara came together, starting from their peaceful friendship after the Southern Raiders episode up, becoming closer along the way. 

I dare y’all to read this and not think OMG...is this secret canon bonus material? I definitely plan to read more by owedbetter. 

8). all the what ifs i never said by rosegardenlake (sheith)

Summary:  Keith is nine when he first notices Shiro. Shiro is gentle and quiet, always keeping to himself. Keith is rough and loud, running wherever his feet will take him, screaming on the top of his lungs into the wind. But despite that, they're a constant throughout each other's lives...if only that could be enough. As they grow, Keith just wants them both to be happy, but instead, he's falling apart.

Rosegardenlake is another sheith writer who I adored last year & adore this year as well. This was a story that I read during the beginning of quarantine-life and when I tell you the number of times Keith’s emotions of loneliness got to me, it’s a big number. 

Keith’s struggle with life after high school, after peaking in school, and his mental health reminded me too much of where I was at 2018, which wasn’t a good year for me at all, especially mentally. So that was triggering but it was also helpful since I saw how far I came. And it was beautiful seeing how far Keith came. 

Also the relationship between Shiro and Keith was just beautiful. It’s very funny how Keith was Shiro’s protector growing up and Shiro became Keith’s later on in life. There’s a chance your heart may be heavy, but will also be so swelled up with feelings these two bring it. 

Honorable mentions:

Where the Light Doesn’t Reach 

9). When Night Comes by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS; poly ot7)

Summary: Jungkook’s tipsy, but he’s not buzzed enough to miss that he doesn’t recognize any of the four dozen people here. And seeing as his friends aren’t ones to ditch and there’s no way they’d play a prank this mean on him, Jungkook reaches the conclusion that he just walked into a stranger’s very expensive home, uninvited, and started eating their food and petting their well-dressed dog.

(Or: Jungkook shows up to the wrong Halloween party and meets the most powerful family in Seoul.)

I can easily say Oh_Hey_Tae easily one of my favorite BTS fanfic favs. Always come through with the stories, and this one was just amazing. We have Jungkook stumbling into a Halloween story, and soon enters into a intense, insane relationship with all six guys, who are already in a relationship with each other. Oh, and supernatural creatures at that. 

You do see certain relationships are stronger, deeper. For example, a lot of moments between Jin and Jungkook. Vmin has their own story and moments. But it was just so amazing. 

Fair warning. Halfway through, things get darker and Oh_My_Tae really loves playing readers diirty with the angst, but it’s so good. 

10). peace-weaver by magisterpavus (sheith)

Summary: You will be the peace-weaver, his mother told him, smiling though her dark eyes welled with unshed grief. The one who brings two bitter enemies together and ends the bloodshed and death between us, once and for all.

But men will always crave war. The Galra, most of all.

Yet another arranged-marriage AU that I loved. This particular one is well-loved in the sheith fandom. I can definitely say it’s considered one of the classic fanfics that’s been read or shared at one point or another. 

The story itself reminded me a lot of Macbeth, involving murder and dark forces at bay. The dynamics between Shiro and Keith reminded me of Drogo and Daenerys from GOT, one of my fav couples there, which only made it all the more better for me. 

I do credit the author for the creative approach they took with quintessence and Shiro’s role/persona as the Champion

Honorable mentions:

The Boy in the Window 

Sheith Demon/Priest AU

A Matter of Scale

Directive 

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

Hold Me Tight, or Don’t by snowfallen (yoonmin with a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU featuring assassins and hitmen, secret identities, fake marriage, and a lot of smut)

The Prince and Pirate by Maniacani, @nerdherderette​ (drarry with a splash of royalty and pirates. Perfect if you’re needing to fill in any Pirates of the Caribbean or Black Sails cravings)

First Kisses are the Best Ones by SashaDistan (sheith in a 50 First Dates Fusion heartfelt/heart-gutting story)

freely, as men strive for right by @bixgirl1​ (drarry w/Harry explaining the many ways why Draco’s the love of his life. we love to see it)

The Sacrificed by SasuNarufan13 (sasunaru w/ dark fairytale elements similar to Little Red Riding Hood & Beauty and the beast + feat. mpreg)

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (drarry feat. lunch lady Draco + scheming Harry + loads of fun w/sweets & more)

Red Desert by @beatitudinembty​ (taekook in a unique sci-fi AU; hard to explain but so worth a read

one way ticket to another life by starboykeith (sheith Hades x Persephone background)

Even So by lewilder (zutara; arranged marriage+ language barrier +soft strangers to lovers)

Well, lovely people, there you have it. My top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. I do notice a certain ship shows up a lot on this list, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they took over this year. Still, I tried to mix the list up with other fav ships/fandoms of mine. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS

[matildashoney]

London Town

Loving You’s the Antidote Extra

MASTERLIST // MOODBOARD // TAG LIST // TAGS // PLAYLIST

TAG LIST: @ihearthemcallingforyou, @goldenfeelin, @detroitkiwis

talk to me about it!

thank you miss @berrynarrybanana​ for creating the sex bucket list fic challenge! i wanted to write something with the mile high club for harry and ames a while ago and this gave me every opportunity to do so. this is pure filth about harry and amelie getting back to london recently after being stuck in malibu during the quarantine.

warning: this is literally 4.4k of filth. i can’t be sorry for what my brain has done. i take no responsibility.

Harry is guarded, to say the least. There was too much happening for him not to be.

One of the security guards that was driving them to the airport got out with Amelie first, making sure that there weren’t any photographers waiting outside for them (which there shouldn’t be, all things considered) and having her get inside to wait for Harry when he was able to get all their luggage and out of the car. Harry was nervous, his hoodie tugged over his head and his passport and identification all sitting in his hoodie pocket. Amelie was wearing the hoodie they bought at a Spice Girls concert the year before, but it was beginning to fit a big snuggly around her tummy and they knew that anyone that saw them would start pregnancy speculations before they could even begin trying to have a baby themselves. Her hand grabs his as soon as he walks beside her, interlocking their fingers and hiding her face in his chest, the exhaustion beginning to set in and the bruising on her hips from the needles beginning to ache as she stands for much too long without rest.

Harry guides them through security, his heart breaking as Amelie knuckles her eyes and desperately clings to her last bit of energy and pouts as his bag gets checked once more and she isn’t able to sink into his embrace as she wants. Considering the amount of time Harry and Amelie have spent together in quarantine, it would have made more sense that they need space, when in fact, Amelie has never been clingier. Not that Harry pays any mind to it. He knows that it’s with the best intentions, all because she loves him and is happy to be with him. Her hormones are messy with the new birth control she was trying, as well, with all intentions to perhaps make her body ready to be pregnant later in the year. All Amelie wanted was a good snuggle a very hefty amount of the day. Harry was happy to give that to her.

Los Angeles International Airport is surprisingly empty, Harry thought there would have been more celebrities trying to get back to wherever they’re from now that flights are slowly beginning to depart again – not that they really should be. Harry is excited to get back to England, London particularly. Amelie, although her heart is in love with California, misses London, misses home. All of the exhibition pieces that she was working on were left there, and for nearly four months her creativity was dry and there was nothing she could think of. Harry misses his family, his home. He even misses Tigger, especially now that he’s been staying with Anne for nearly six months. Harry misses their routine. Amelie misses the comfort of being home.

Malibu is home in a lot of ways.

Malibu is where they said the three words for the first time. Malibu is where they got engaged. Malibu is where they got married on a whim. All of Amelie’s family is nearby and their best friends and godchildren are only a fifteen-minute drive away. Mostly, it’s being together that makes it feel like home. Home is so subjective. To Harry, after travelling for so many years, unsteady relationships, the media overwhelming him with labels and rumours and the way his mental health suffered, Amelie really became the one thing that made the most sense, that made him feel safe. To Amelie, with all that she went through, the idea that someone could make you feel like home was absolutely mad, and there was a nagging voice that always told her she wouldn’t find it, and then Harry waltzed into her life and simply knocked every single thought she had about her life into another world; Harry made her feel as though there was nothing that she couldn’t do, and maybe he was right about that. Home was with each other, no matter where they are or where they go.

Harry squeezes Amelie’s hand, the engagement ring and wedding band ice on his skin. He smiles though, the feeling that the symbol gives him making his eyes sting with tears. He sniffles, drawing her attention and her eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. He shakes his head, kissing her hairline and nodding to the near-empty terminal that was about to board their flight.

“’ey,” Amelie whispers, brushing her thumb under his eye and moving the mask slightly to kiss his cheek, “you okay?”

“Thought about how we’re married and got all,” Harry mutters, his nose in her hair and laughing to himself. “Don’t know, guess m’heart is softer, now.”

“Always has been, baby,” she smiles, laying her thighs over his legs and cuddling into his chest, her eyes falling shut as he gently rubs her back. “Think they’ll yell at us for laying in the same bed, again?”

“Don’t think so since everyone has to stay away,” he mumbles, taking in the way the ten other passengers for the flight are wearing masks and gloves. “Can’t wait to be home and don’t have to wear this thing.”

“Meaning you’re gon’a be naked in the garden most days and dragging me out with you.”

Harry snickers, meeting Amelie’s knowing stare and shrugging his shoulders, “As long as you’re naked, too.”

“Don’t try your luck, Mr Styles,” Amelie sighs, squeezing his hips as his thumb dips beneath the waistband of her leggings. “Harry.”

“Didn’t wear any knickers.”

“Je ne voulais pas qu'ils me montent au cul pendant douze heures,” she whispers under her breath, trying to avoid the entire terminal hearing that her decision this morning was to go without any knickers on an eleven-hour flight.

Harry smirks, tugging his mask to his chin and pressing his lips to the shell of her ear, “Tu essaies d'entrer dans le club du mile high, chérie?” For a man that slept maybe three hours, Harry is awfully horny at barely four in the afternoon.

Amelie lightly smacks his hand as his fingers inch towards her inner thigh, coming dangerously close to her centre. “Harry, I swear to God.”

“Oh, it could be fun, Ames.”

“Ah, yes, because you,” Amelie’s voice lowers to a whisper that even Harry can barely hear, “fucking me in our seats in first-class sounds like so much fun when we could get caught.”

“’s the thrill of it all, baby.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t use the baby card,” she says warningly, her eyes narrowing at the man she loves with her whole heart, trying to convey her seriousness. Her thighs clench around his hand, a near-death grip to break his movements where his fingertips would brush over her heat.

“Need those fingers, Cherry.”

“Don’t stick your hands in my leggings, then.” Harry smirks at Amelie. “That doesn’t mean you find a loophole and stick your hand over my fanny either, thank you.”

“Mean, technically I’m not over your fanny.” Harry laughs so loudly, the entire terminal turns to face him. “Need you to tell me when the hell you started calling it that, though. Taking to all the slang now that you’re half a Brit, huh.”

“Much less aggressive than calling it my,” Amelie whispers, “cunt. Don’t you think?”

“Quite like calling it that,” he shrugs, weaselling his hand further up her thigh, nearly holding her heat in his palm. “’s mine to call anything, you know.”

“Oh,” she snorts, shaking her head and lightly pushing his shoulder and smirking when he grabs her hand with his other hand, kissing her palm with a smirk. “Is that how marriage works? Don’t think that was on the document we signed.”

“Mean, as far as I’m aware. Got like,” Harry hums, pretending to count on his fingers the number of months since they’d gotten married in March, “three months under m’belt. ‘s kinda like how you say you want my cock in your mouth.”

“Harry, quit it. There are people around.”

“Half of them would need a hearing aid to hear me, honey.”

Amelie shakes her head, “Whipping your best terms of endearment isn’t making me any more inclined to have sex on the plane.”

“Hate to break it to you, angel, but you saying, fanny, doesn’t really give me an inclination to stick my hand in your pants, anyways.”

“Good,” she says, wrapping her hand around his wrist and moving it away, interlocking their fingers and grabbing their bags to walk to the desk to board. “Not to mention, it’s barely four in the afternoon.”

“Oh, time is a social construct, baby. Isn’t that what you say when you’re begging for it in the morning before I have get on a flight out somewhere?” Harry whispers in her ear, smiling at the flight attendant and handing his phone for the boarding passes.

Amelie releases Harry’s hand, tugging her sweatshirt sleeves over her fingers and crossing her arms over her chest. “I hate you.”

Harry smirks, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and kissing her head, his phone stuck in the front of his The Face sweatshirt that Amelie threw onto the bed for him to wear while he was sleeping. “No, you really don’t.”

“Welcome,” one flight attendant says through their mask, oblivious to the sexual tension spurring in between the freshly married couple and the way her hand was holding his simply to ensure that he wouldn’t squeeze her breast with his hand hanging limply over her shoulder.

Harry steps inside the row first, and Amelie knows why he’s hiding in the seat that would be the least likely to be seen by the flight attendants. Her head shakes with a sigh, heaving a breath and settling into the chair, giving a warning glance to him as his lips toy with a mischievous grin.

“Garder les mains pour soi.”

“Can’t keep m’hands to m’self for eleven hours,” Harry stresses, his cheek laying on her shoulder as he stares at her through hooded eyelids, the separator pushed away to allow him to cuddle into her, the way her nails are scratching at his scalp making him want her more.

“Harry, yes, you can,” Amelie says, knowing that Harry is trying to wear her down with the dramatic nature of the conversation. Her thighs are warm thinking about the adrenaline that would course through her veins by having sex where they very well shouldn’t be, but with the environment being heavily closed away from interaction, maybe this was just the right time to do so.

Amelie wouldn’t admit that to Harry, though. No. Because that means he won.

“Haven’t touched you in like, three days.”

“Because we had to get all of our things together, see our godchildren, and see my family. Not because I didn’t want to.”

“Alright, well, now we have eleven hours.”

Amelie sighs, carding her fingers through her hair and gently pulling out the tie in her curls and letting the baby pink fall over her shoulders. Through her peripheral vision, she can see Harry roll his eyes, trying to look away as she tugs on the sleeves on the sweatshirt, gently pulling the material away and leaving his eyes to bask over the loose-fitting shirt from his closet and her chest free from any restrictions.

“For fuck’s sake, Amelie,” Harry groans, sitting up and beginning to pull his mask away from his mouth, all the passengers boarded and the flight attendants beginning to go through the safety measures as he’s heard a million times before. “Did you not wear a bra, either?”

“Like you said, eleven hours,” she shrugs, a smirk playing at her lips as she set the sweatshirt over her thighs, dragging the blanket over her body, locking his hand between her legs.

“Know just how to get what you want, huh?”

“Maybe,” she hums, spreading her thighs the slightly amount to give him the ability to roam further across her skin. “Have had quite a few years of practice.”

Harry smirks, taking Amelie by surprise and sliding his hand beneath the waistband of her leggings, her thighs unable to be held together as his fingers drag slowly and teasingly across her mound. “About, five years, huh, baby?” Amelie gulps. “Don’t go quiet on me, now. Have had the wittiest comebacks for an hour and now you’re quiet?”

“Harry,” she says through a clenched jaw, trying her swallow back a moan as his fingers delicately trace along her core, arousal collecting on his fingertips as his finger draws over her clit lightly, barely touching her skin. “Either you do it or you don’t.”

“Do you want me to?” Harry smirks, lips ghosting across the shell of her ear and making her sink further into her seat, her thumb between her teeth as she nods shamelessly. “Amelie Fay, tell me what you want or I’m going to take my hand back.”

Harry rarely uses Amelie’s whole name. And by rarely, Amelie means that Harry only uses her whole name – first and middle – when they’re arguing and she won’t listen (which is most of the time) or they’re about to do something filthy and she won’t give verbal consent (which is most of the time they’re taking to exhibitionism). But whenever Harry uses it, fuck, it’s another type of sexy. His accent draws out every syllable, especially when he’s trying to use an accent that her mother has or it’s deeply his own.

Amelie sucks in a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing and not melt into the chair with the barely-there movements of his fingertips, his middle finger teasing her warmth by dipping in to collect more arousal over her clit. “Okay, okay.”

“Okay, what.”

“Need you to use your fingers,” she sighs, his fingers beginning to ease into her warmth and brush against the velvet that squeezes him in. “Fuck.”

“Be quiet,” Harry says strictly, his cheek laying on her shoulder and his lips touching the cut of her jaw. “Have barely touched you and you’re already squeezing me, doll. Maybe I should’ve tried a bit harder to get you into bed, hm? Have I been neglecting you? Horrible husband, you have.”

Harry and Amelie never could describe their sex life as neglected – certainly not that – but it definitely was not what it was when they first got married at the beginning of March. Harry and Amelie tiptoed around the subject because there were days when there was too much frustration to even think about getting naked and sharing their thoughts with the other person. That definitely isn’t what want they wanted, what they promised each other. And so, here they were, three months into the isolation and just being able to go home, and there was a desperation lingering between them that neither really knew was there. Getting comfortable was something they didn’t want, and that’s exactly what they did.

His fingers work at a speed that could only be described as desperate and longing. His thumb pressed against her clit with patterns that have her hips longing to writhe beneath him, his middle and third finger curling inside of her with every thrust, taking a second to ghost across the spot that would have her screaming inside their bedroom.

“Baby, please,” Amelie whimpers, tucking her face into his hair and breathing out through parted lips, squeezing her eyes shut as the flight attendant walks through the aisle, completely unsuspecting of what is happening beneath the linen. “Harry.”

“All over me, honey. Gi’ me all of it.”

Amelie tugs on Harry’s curls, earning a smirk and a grateful kiss, swallowing her moans as the orgasm ripples through her body. Her hands shaking as she grasps onto the blanket and her hot breaths hitting his neck. His hand is coated with her orgasm, his mouth watering at the thought of her taste on his tongue.

If Harry couldn’t go down on her, right now, this is the next best option.

“Get out the fruit and water from your bag.”

“Huh?” Amelie whispers, her eyes barely opening to try and read Harry’s expression. “For what?”

“For you to drink,” Harry smiles, kissing her hairline sweetly. “And so, I can stick my fingers in m’mouth and it won’t look like I just fucked you under the blanket.”

“Christ, Harry,” she mutters, rolling her eyes as he chuckles under his breath. “Do you realise you still have your fingers in me?”

“And?”

“Can’t lean over and grab everything with you puncturing my cervix.”

“Don’t flatter me that much, baby,” Harry quips, nodding towards the bag laying at her feet and gently tapping his thumb against her clit once more. “Already have a big head.”

“Hate you,” Amelie swallows, trying to control her breathing as she leans forward and reaches for her bag, Harry’s fingers wiggling inside her warmth. He is just as needy as she is, at the moment, except, Amelie would rather wait until they are home and can’t be caught. “Here.”

“But, baby, I know you don’t.” He chastely kisses her cheek, gently taking his fingers from her warmth and slowly removing his hand from her pants, pouting his lips, “My hand is cold, now.”

“Unfortunate,” she shrugs, taking a long sip from her water as his tongue licks along his palm, his two fingers suckled between his lips and tasting all that he’s missed in nearly four days. He isn’t used to going that long. Maybe, he’s a bit spoiled in that regard. Harry and Amelie are running on the same sex drive at all times. Call it inspirational in some respects. Amelie has found it quite useful in the exhibitions recently. Harry finds that flattering.

“Quit being a brat,” Harry teases, squeezing her knee over the blanket and standing on his feet, nodding towards the bathroom a few feet away. “Have to wash my hands. Got a bit messy.”

Amelie shakes her head, wiggling around in her seat and shrugging her sweatshirt over her torso, settling under the blanket and laying over the chair, waiting for Harry to get back and cuddle into. Harry smiles at the sight, wiping his hands over his sweatpants and manoeuvring around her legs and settling into his seat. His arms open wide, graciously accepting Amelie as she climbs over into his seat and lays in the reclined bed with him, tucking her face into his neck. “Hi.”

“Hi, Cherry.”

“Can’t wait to go home,” she whispers, yawning as his fingertips drag through her hair. “Miss home.”

“Know you do,” he says, kissing her temple and bringing the blanket tighter over her body. “Me too.”

“Need a really good night of sex, too. Or day. I’m not picky.”

Harry snorts, “Have our other nights not been satisfactory to you?”

“Always the best with you. Don’t worry,” Amelie smirks, kissing his jaw and breathing in his cologne. “Different when we’re home, though. Don’t care about anything or anyone. Can just do it wherever, whenever. Don’t have to worry about my parents or sister, or our friends coming and knocking on our door.”

“Love your sister,” Harry says, his voice hanging on the last word, “but she is the biggest cock block in the entire world.”

Amelie laughs so loudly into Harry’s chest that the flight attendant peers over his novel. “God, you’re right.”

“Need to just be alone with m’missus for a while.”

Her voice is quiet, once again, barely above a whisper as she begins to fall asleep nuzzled into his warmth. “Alright.”

His eyebrows furrow together in confusion. “No argument? No rebuttal?”

“Not today.”

Harry laughs breathily, shaking his head and kissing her hair, his hands dragging along her spine as she drifts asleep. He stays awake until nearly eleven, waking her to eat and watching a film on his phone until they’ve fallen back asleep together, only waking to the sound telling them to buckle their seatbelts and settle into landing. Harry can see the relief on Amelie’s face, the smile that sits permanently on her lips as the pilot welcomes them to England and Heathrow Airport.

Amelie nearly forgets their luggage when Harry pulls into the garage, rushing inside to see Tigger and breathe in the scent that is permanently a mark of their London home. He tugs in their bags, setting the mickey mouse printed luggage in the foyer and wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing her neck sweetly and nosing her hair away from her skin.

“Fuck, ’m happy to be home.”

“Know you are,” Harry smiles, gently biting her neck and licking over the red mark lingering on her skin. His hands squeeze her thighs, lifting her onto his hips and wrapping his arms under her ass, his eyes rolling as their cat begins to rub along his legs. “Not the time, Tigger.”

“He missed you.”

“Flattered, but not really the time. Quite missed shagging m’wife, so that’s the priority at the minute.”

“That sounds really sexy coming from your mouth,” Amelie hums, dragging her thumb over his plump lips.

“Hm?” Harry asks, carefully making his way up the stairs and shoving their bedroom door open, careful to make sure that their cat would not be in the way when the door closed behind him. He became way too good at carrying her up the stairs when they moved in two years ago.

“My wife.”

Harry snickers, walking straight into the bathroom and turning on the light with his elbow, setting Amelie on the counter and harshly pressing his lips to hers. “’s what you are, m’wife.”

“Can’t wait to have this on me,” Amelie smirks against his cheeks, her fingertips dragging along his beard as Harry tugs their sweatshirts and shirt off their bodies. “First place you’re going to have sex with me in our house is the shower.”

“Know you better than that to think you’ll let me on the clean sheets after we were just on a plane for twelve hours.”

Amelie giggles, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and tugging him into her, his arms circling her waist and his tongue tasting her lips, her tongue, her. “Know me well.”

“Hope so after five bloody years.”

“Go turn the water on.”

Harry nods eagerly, walking away and turning the water in the shower, the waterfall faucet sprinkling water over him as he tugs on his sweatpants tie. His head rolls back as two hands skirt along his naked torso, dancing dangerously close to where he wants them most, his cock already painfully hard between his thighs.

“Don’t tease me, now.”

“Am I not allowed to have a taste, either? ‘s been four days, remember?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Harry moans, squeezing his eyes shut as Amelie’s hands bring his sweatpants over his ass and thighs, her gently hand tugging teasingly over his shaft. “Get in the bloody shower, woman.”

Amelie laughs, taking Harry’s hand and stepping inside the shower, the steam already beginning to fog over the glass doors. His back hits the tile wall, a gasp leaving his lips as she sinks to the ground, her knees printed with the tile, her tongue dragging over the arousal wetting his tip. He moans, the sound spurring her on, his hand running through her hair as she wraps her fingers around his base and begins sucking on his cock, all of him surrounded by her tongue and her wet lips and her warmth.

His stomach tightens, nearly spilling his entire orgasm down her throat. His whimpers as she pulls away makes her laugh, his eyes barely open before he’s helping her stand and grabbing her thigh to wrap around his waist, his cock sliding deep inside her warmth without warning. Her forehead falls to his collarbone, the sensation overwhelming and deeply missed. Her nails dig into his shoulders, their kisses messy and sloppy as his thrust reaches every inch into her core, his thumb drawing shapes around her clit the way he knows she loves.

“Missed this so much,” Amelie moans, her fingers tugging at his curls and bringing his mouth to hers. “Can’t go that long again.”

“Fucking swear on m’life,” Harry grunts, the way his cock is driving into her making her lift onto her toes. “Gi’ me your leg.”

“Do you want to fall over?”

“Trust me.”

Amelie wraps her legs around Harry’s waist, sighing when her back hits the cold tile that is out of the water’s reach, a gasp leaving her lips as his shaft sits deeper inside her warmth.

Harry is grunting mercilessly into her neck, Amelie’s moans echoing inside the bathroom, and to anyone that doesn’t know them, they might have thought that they’d not seen each other for a month, maybe two, with how intense their orgasms spill onto each other. Her thighs shake around his waist, their orgasms dripping out of her and onto his legs as he holds her, making sure that she wouldn’t fall.

And their shower isn’t devoid of more touching and kissing, in fact, the water goes cold before they’re fully finished washing up and rinsing the shampoo and conditioner from their hair.

Harry watches Amelie change intensely, soaking in the way she’s never changed the way she looks in their time together – except for the new three tattoos – the way she’s never felt the need to. Harry adores every curve and tattoo and mark and dimple, especially when she’s naked and he’s touching her skin.

“Can you look away for maybe two seconds?”

“No,” Harry deadpans, laying his hands behind him on the bed, the towel still loosely covering his waist.

“Are you going to eat lunch with me?” Amelie wonders, tugging one of Harry’s old shirts on and sliding briefs onto her hips – he never wears them anyways.

“Think I need to go for a run, and then I’ll shower and come back and eat.”

“You want to go for a run? After a twelve-hour flight?”

“Need to otherwise you and me will be in that bed for the next twelve hours,” Harry says surely, taking a deep breath and nodding his already semi-hard cock between his thighs.

“For fuck’s sake,” Amelie breathes, shaking her head and walking to him on the bed. Her lips press against his chastely, once, then twice, smiling when he tugs her onto his chest, and they fall against the mattress.

“Love you.”

“Love you more. Go for your run. Think I can take, like, six hours in bed, with breaks, alright? I’m not a machine.”

“Ooh, a compromise.”

“Married men get three compromises a year, this is one.”

“Deal.”

[camxnoel-updates]

[PREVIEW OF CAMERON’S INTERVIEW FOR GRUMPY MAGAZINE]

Cameron Monaghan reflects on his rise to stardom with Liana Liberato

  Cameron Monaghan is the type of actor who has proved throughout his many years working in the industry that he can do it all. As he just turned 27, Monaghan has claimed his own space at the forefront of a generation of actors committed to telling stories that are relevant to today’s society. Growing up in Florida, Cameron has been climbing the steady road to success for over 20 years, diving into television, film, and now video games. He was that deeply disturbed kid in cult sitcom Malcolm in the Middle, and had screen time with Hollywood royal Meryl Streep in The Giver. But his major break came when he was cast as Ian Gallagher in Showtime’s Shameless and became a fan favorite. Since, his outstanding performances have been critically acclaimed, including his interpretation of “the Joker” in FOX’s Gotham.

At the beginning of the lockdown, Cameron connected over the phone with his longtime friend Liana Liberato — who he came up in the business with — to recall their first audition together and reflect on his eclectic career — discussing his most iconic roles in TV shows Shameless and Gotham, as well as his recent acting experience on video game Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. It was 2PM in Los Angeles — on the other end of the line, Cameron cheerfully greeted his pal with a mischievous ‘‘Liana, it’s 2:03PM. This is unacceptable and so unprofessional.’’ The actress apologized before adding, ‘‘Do you regret asking me to do this?’’ This was a clue about their great complicity, and Cameron’s warm and jovial personality — to the point he started flipping the interview to question Liana as well.

On growing up in Florida, influences, and first approach to acting…

“I was very young when I started. My mom was a single parent who worked two jobs, so she did her best for me. But that meant that I spent a long time by myself, entertaining myself with movies and TV. I was a hyper kid and I didn’t really focus well, so my mom got me involved with local community theater and commercials. She needed something to put my energy to and I actually really enjoyed doing it. […] I grew up in the 90s and one of the movies that blew my mind as a kid was The Matrix. I would play on the playground, pretending to be the characters from it. We would fight each other — which we probably shouldn’t have done. As for actors, I was very strange. I really liked Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, Gary Oldman, William H. Macy — who I actually ended up working with for many years on Shameless.”

On his evolution as an actor…

“When I was younger, I was so much more interested in how the plot functions, and some of the mechanisms of that. As I get older, what interests me more is humanity, how characters interact, what it’s trying to say about how we relate to each other, how characters change over the course of the story. I think that a really well-written relationship, saying something interesting about a person’s morality, or what they do in a time of struggle, is so much more interesting to me now than any amount of tools or special effects. […] I love when you’re able to have a story where the characters are so well-defined. There’s something really enjoyable about that, and some sort of emotional catharsis in that. I feel like the reason why we do our job, why we become activists or artists, is to express the stuff that is somewhat broken or challenging.”

On signing onto Shameless at 15 and evolving with a character for a decade…

“I had a pretty even ranking of success. I wasn’t one of those kids who became really successful at a super young age and get all of this responsibility, money, and fame thrust on them at one time. I was lucky that I spent enough time around people who made smart decisions. Also, all the people who I worked with on the show were really supportive and interesting. I learned a lot from them too. We formed a little family who we’re all still tight with. We all support each other and call each other out when they’re making bad decisions. […] I still feel like I’m learning so much and growing as a person. Some of the times, the character was going through specific struggles and those struggles happened prior to me in my own life, or sometimes some of my own personal things were then reflected back within the character. Being able to put that and have a symbiotic relationship with your character over the course of the decade, it’s a really interesting exercise, and something that I’m lucky to be able to have done.”

On why Shameless is so important to today’s society…

“It’s interesting because when the show came on air 11 years ago, the landscape of American television was a little bit different. Now with all the streaming platforms, there’s so much more about family dynamics that are more uncensored, and speak more frankly about sexuality, poverty… When you’re 15-16 years old, talking really openly about things like sexuality, and maturing through adolescence, is an interesting thing. It was a little bit scary at first, but it was also something that I’m really happy to have been able to do. It allowed me to reflect on myself, learn, and become comfortable with who I am. […] I’ve heard from a number of teenagers who were gay, in the closet, or struggling to come to terms with certain things that my character or other characters in the show really reflected what they were going through. That’s always amazing to be able to hear about that.”

On taking on the role of the Joker in Gotham…

“A lot of times, I would finish up on the set of Shameless, get on the plane, land in New York, and literally go straight from the plane to work on Gotham. While I loved the Shameless set, crew, and the cast, it is nice to be able to always experience other things outside of it. You learn so much each time you step foot on a different set. […] When I filmed my first episode of Gotham, it was just a few years after Heath Ledger played the role in The Dark Knight and won the Oscar. He became the most iconic person to touch that role. That’s saying something considering he was following Jack Nicholson. No one else had played that role since then up to that point. That was intimidating, but it was also really exciting and a huge honor. I liked what they were trying to do with the character. It was something very different, and distinct from the movies and the media that had come before. It was a really unique opportunity.”

On diving into the world of video games with Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order…

“I had never done a video game before. I’ve played games for most of my life, and I’ve really appreciated how they’ve matured and grown over the last decade. Right now is an interesting time as an actor, because so much is based off of media that people are familiar with, and there’s a challenge. You have to take that, and make stuff that still feels human and still says something about you as a person. That’s my interest with it — trying to see if there’s something about the character in a story that raises interesting questions, because otherwise what’s the point of doing it? […] We had a lot of really great and wonderful conversations with the creative team, our writers, Lucasfilm story group, and all of the actors about what we wanted to say. So much of that story is about dealing with trauma, guilt, and things that were out of your control when you were younger or in your life. Pretty much every character in the story has experienced loss — how they grieve, or how they come to cope with the loss defines them as a character. Being able to access the story from that angle was what made me want to do the job.”

On dealing with the level of heartbreak and rejection inside the industry…

“There is a certain level of […] all of these things that you do have to learn how to deal with. Ultimately, it takes a certain level of acceptance and trust in yourself. I want to represent the things that I value, and the things that I find interesting and important. Right now too, with all the quarantine and the fact that we, as actors, don’t have the ability to work, it is very frustrating. It’s difficult, but I think all you can really do is try to either make opportunities for yourself, or work on yourself. I know for me, I’m writing and talking to friends who are trying to do stuff. […] I think that I’ll probably be an actor for the majority of my life, unless I get to the point where I either fall out of love with it, or if I feel like I can’t perform to the best of my abilities.”

FULL CONVERSATION AND STORY WILL APPEAR IN GRUMPY MAGAZINE’S ISSUE NO.16.

[strangcrdoctor]

∞Hey ho, folks. So I’m here with some updates. I hope that it will eventually mean me writing more around here, but here’s what’s been going on in the meantime.

Obviously things are getting hairy with the case numbers rising again, but thankfully I did manage to fly home to be with my family for the next two months. Now, that comes with its ups and downs, and this season there are a lot more than normal. My step-father and I mix like crude oil and water at best, and for the week before my mother got home we argued like cats and dogs or avoided each other completely. Thankfully, she’s home now, and I’m very excited to fluff for the holidays and spend time with her. I’m also excited to spend time with my gran now that I’ve quarantined for two weeks, but this is where things get extra tricky. So three years ago I had to bail on a PhD programme over at the University of Edinburgh the week I got there because my other gran passed, and my mom was in total emotional chaos trying to deal with the loss, her family, and her funeral arrangements. I did in 2017 what many people have had to do in 2020, and put their lives on hold, move home to live with their parents, and try to pick up the pieces. Thankfully 2020 is still very different than that time for me, but the threat of similarity is really uncomfortable given the length of my stay, and the fact that my remaining gran is having escalating health problems. (She had two strokes back in September, and they think she had a third last week.) I also still haven’t found work in NYC, and my savings will be run dry come January, which is still its own kit and caboodle.

Cue my father, who I’ve had growing rancor with this year because of how he treats me versus my other siblings - IE not giving a single fuck about me because I don’t have kids - deciding out of the blue and on very short notice to spend the week of Christmas down in Denver with my brother and his wife who just had a new baby. Now, under any normal year, I wouldn’t give a fuck. But the year of a global pandemic, with no notice to nor invite from my brother and his wife, it’s pretty fucking risky and amazingly shitty. And personally I’m pretty pissed with him because he made me quarantine fastidiously for two fulls weeks before seeing me, all because he and my step-mother are my gran’s primary care providers. No biggie, totally logical. I insisted I comply even though my gran is pissed about it. Problem is, he doesn’t fly back until late Christmas day. And while my mother, his ex-wife, agreed to help keep an eye on my gran for the week he’s gone, he hadn’t even fucking considered the fact that he will also have to quarantine for two weeks when he gets back. Because by the criteria he made me quarantine for - which was being in a fucking airport - will then apply to him too. So he’s abandoning his 92 year old mother at Christmas to impose on my brother, and in doing so is putting my mom at a potentially three week long imposition, as well as squandering in total five of the eight weeks I will be at home. I fly back to NYC on January 9th, and if he quarantines after he gets back, that’s any holiday time with him gone out the window because of his fucking choices. Which is proof to the positive that my visit, and his other responsibilities to his family for that matter, matter absolutely none to him. But he’ll get the Christmas he wanted, and all the shit that comes with that decision. 

And I’m just... so done. I undertook a cross-country move to start a new life in the middle of the wildest year in recent history. I’ve spent months in a toxic roomie situation and having some friends take their shit out on me, and I have absolutely no empathy or emotional reserves left for him to mess around with because he wants to be a pissant child. So what I was hoping to be a long, relaxing visit home has so far been nothing but a grueling roller coaster. 

On top of that, I’m still finishing up my grad semester. That is actually the least of my worries and probably the best news regarding me being around more. Since I’m forcing myself to write my papers, I’m hoping I can get my writing confidence back after having a pretty big personal crisis over it. But I’ve also found writing predictably difficult given my emotional state. In any case, term is over in three weeks, and as soon as my papers are done, I am going to try to get back to writing creatively because I miss it so damn much.

Anyway. My goals now are that I’m going to spend lots of amazing time with my mum and my gran, enjoy my classes and my writing projects, as well as tome for reading and crafts while I’m here. But that’s the scoop. I haven’t given up, I’m not gone forever. I’ve just... had a lot on my plate lately. Needless to say.∞

[felixnation]

THE TOP 10 WORST KPOP SONGS OF 2020

(WARNING: I DON’T LIKE THESE SONGS AND WILL BE MEAN AT THEM. I DO NOT HAVE ANY PERSONAL BEEF WITH ANY OF THESE GROUPS OR ARTISTS SO DON’T COME FOR ME IF YOUR FAVE MADE A STINKER TRACK THIS YEAR.)

Ah, 2020. The year where disco came back, the 80s came back, and everyone was titling their songs after nonsense words. It was a good year for k-pop overall, with a lot of new trends entering the game towards the end of summer. However, there were some real clunkers that refused to get out of my head this quarantine and pissed me off to varying degrees each time I heard them. This list is an attempt to chronicle all of those.

So without further ado, let’s get this shit done.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

NCT 127 - PUNCH This isn't actually a bad song, hence it only making it to the honorable mentions section. In fact, I think this could've easily made the best list had it not been for one thing, and that's the presence of NCT 127, namely their rap line. The instrumental on this thing is absolutely killer and one of the best productions to come out of SM in a long time. The entire thing is bizarrely structured and incredibly gutsy, and therefore I think it's a travesty that an instrumental this incredible was drowned in ASMR-esque whispers and EYYYY WE BALLINs. There are a few salvageable sections, namely the first post-chorus, and we see glimmers of NCT 127's true potential, should they choose to explore this sound further.

CIGNATURE - NUN NU NAN NA Similar to Punch, I admire the production choices here - there are a few sections that blast you with 100gecs-esque womps, and that's always something I enjoy. The vast majority of the song rarely dips below decent territory, but since the entire thing hinges on the titular hook, it ends up falling apart right when it needs to bring the hype the most. I mean, building a hook around those notes was...an interesting choice, I guess. It reminds me a lot of fromis_9's FUN!, which also constructed the entire song around a terrible set of notes. Listen to them yell that hook at you and tell me it doesn't sound off. Most frustrating song of 2020.

ONG SEONG WU - GRAVITY Have you ever heard a drop this weak? I sure haven't. I hate the way he says DIVING INTO YOUR LOVE, the over-enunciation kills me and there's one syllable too many. Also, thanks Ong Seong Wu for giving CRAVITY the promo they deserve.

BTS - FLY TO MY ROOM I can't relax while listening to this, the beat is so sparse and has this nauseous sway to it that really makes me feel like I'm reliving these past 9 months of quarantine all over again. And just like quarantine, it really feels like this goddamn thing never ends. That final set of choruses is really a chore to get through, and I'm not the only one who thinks so - shout out to Taehyung for serving taste and I'm sorry Jimin convinced you to sing out of your natural range yet again.

TREASURE - MMM Ew.

I*ZONE - FIESTA It's a pretty standard girl group song up until that chorus hits and oh my god, who on earth produced this? Are they actively trying to trigger my psychosis? There are so many sounds happening that it feels like three or four demo tracks laid on top of each other, it makes me confused even trying to figure out what's going on here. And that post-chorus drop is horrendous, it's like the instrumental is literally screaming into my ear STREAM BLOOM*IZ!!! STREAM BLOOM*IZ YOU DUMB CUCK!!! YOU LOVE IT!!!

NOW FOR THE REAL LIST.

#10: TAEYEON - HAPPY

I do not like this. Taeyeon has one of the most powerful voices in the industry and instead of putting it to good use, she decided to put out the musical equivalent of eating a stick of butter. Bland, horrible texture, seems to go on forever and ever, you know you shouldn't be consuming it and you don't know why you're doing this to yourself, etc.

The MV contributed to my dislike, with Taeyeon whitewashed all the way into uncanny valley as she lounges around her beautiful apartment. Well of course you'd be happy if you lived in a place like that, I know I would. The sad thing is that there's some really nice vocal work here and there, but for the majority of the song, Taeyeon decides to serenade us in the most nasal tone that she can muster. I know she can sing better than this, and I'm disappointed in her for creating this and unleashing it on the world.

#9: WEKI MEKI - OOPSY

Whereas Picky Picky was annoying in the best way possible, Oopsy is annoying in the worst way possible. The instrumental legitimately sounds cheap, the drums sound so tinny and artificial that it's hard on the ears. Not to mention the hook, wherein the girls force their voices as high as they can go as they proclaim OOPSY! 

I'm a huge fan of cute concepts, but when it comes to putting out a high-energy sugary track like this, you're walking a fine line between adorable and irritating. Weki Meki didn't even try to walk the line, they just dove headfirst into irritating territory without a care in the world. It literally feels like the audio equivalent of having to hold a whiny toddler and then it pisses itself and the mom is just cooing about how her little darling made an oopsy.

#8: VICTON - MAYDAY

It feels like for most of the year, the vast majority of boy groups were stuck in a rut, knee-deep in sludgy EDM and leather harnesses. You know the songs I'm talking about, and I could've put any one of them here, but I chose this one purely because that chorus makes me feel like I have a concussion. I don't like this song nor the trend it's representative of - I spent most of quarantine having the same dark BG concepts thrown at me over and over and I'm glad things are starting to take a bit of a turn.

The bridge on this is actually pretty great, and the guys in VICTON do know how to sing, as can be seen in the final post-chorus. But man, there's just nothing fresh being brought to the table here, just the same stale trends in their worst form yet. The hook is so slow and drowsy, the same few notes just repeated over and over. I have not seen the MV because I feel like I can picture it well enough in my head just by listening. Are there harnesses? Don't forget those, boys.

#7: MCND - SPRING

Only Pentagon are allowed to do these concepts.

#6: HYO, LOOPY, SOYEON - DESSERT

This is genuinely unlistenable as soon as the drop hits, with a vocal stitching job that might be a horn synth, I'm not sure. That's how annoying it is. The producer is clearly incompetent and the performers are oozing with personality, though not the pleasant sort. The hook is  bratty and the raps here are beyond generic. After the halfway point, there are a couple interesting sounds thrown into the mix, but it's not enough to save things.   

Soyeon in particular sounds awful here, with her iconic nasally tone morphing into something genuinely irritating and borderline spiteful. Age up the toddler from the Oopsy comparison to around 7 or 8 and that's basically what you've got here. All I can hope is that this song is not influential in any way, shape or form, because I just had a vision of Blackpink imitating this production style and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

#5: SECRET NUMBER - WHO DIS?

I'm not sure how many Secret Number fans are out there, but I'm about to make all of em real mad at me right about now. However, it must be said.

This is basically Your Turn by Kaachi again.

I don't think I need to explain that hot take, just listen to the song. It's surprisingly amateurish, to the point where I feel like the vocals aren't in sync and they just used the first take they got from each girl. The raps in particular are awful, and I swear they even sound like they go off-key a couple of times. How this blew up in any aspect is bizarre to me. Anyways, stream Photo Magic and stan Kaachi.

#4: BAEKHYUN - CANDY

Did you want a k-pop version of Yummy by Justin Bieber? No? Well, Baekhyun decided to make it anyways! At least Yummy was sort of funny in how bad it is, this is just...a somber affair. Inexplicably, he manages to oversing the final third of the song, which I don't get the point of, but okay. Lazy, underproduced and overproduced at the same time, bland, boring, annoying...

Wait, did he just say...

Okay, I changed my mind, this is hysterical. Like Pop rocks, strawberry, bubble gum...

#3: (G)-IDLE - DUMDI DUMDI

I'm so sick of this group's 'ethnic' schtick, it's like they never learn. They just don't give a fuck - after a string of genuinely great tracks like Hann, Lion, and Oh My God, they just decide to put out this shit and expect me to listen to it? They're a group with a lot of potential, with some brilliant vocalists and the talent that is Soyeon (who really loves being on this list, apparently) but if they continue down the path of using different cultures as concepts I can't support them any further.

The song itself has salvageable parts, a recurring theme on this list, but the over-the-top tribal influences are so obvious and tropey that even listening to it feels gross. (G)-Idle have more creative control than most groups, and the fact that they're capable of creating works of art like Lion is what makes me harsh on them. Instead of moving forward, they continue to regress into their comfort zone of cultural appropriation.

#2 YOOA - BON VOYAGE

Speaking of cultural appropriation...are we gonna address this? Nah? Okay.

Oh My Girl, YooA's parent group, has a history of blatant cultural appropriation (and arguably some legit racist moments depending on how you look at it) and they seem like they're not changing anytime soon. That's why this particular song stings even more than it probably should. If you thought Dumdi Dumdi's tribal influences were a little too on the nose, take a listen to this chorus.

YooA has a bad voice, is wearing tribal face paint, and is running around the wilderness whitewashed into oblivion while a choir of nameless voices chant vaguely tribal things behind her. Even in an industry like k-pop, this sticks out as something in bafflingly poor taste, and I can't see how she got away with this in 2020.

#1 BLACKPINK & SELENA GOMEZ - ICE CREAM

Well, this is a predictable pick. 

I don't know why or how Blackpink thought they could get away with drip-feeding blinks content for 4 goddamn years in the lead-up to their first album, only to drop this big fat clunker on them. I honestly felt insulted by the song, from its cheap, tinny production to the god-awful lyrics. I don't know how anyone could find any value in a piece of music this soulless and hollow.

Lisa's raps are by far the worst part of it, with FIRE BARS such as "you're the one been chosen, play the part like moses" and "mona lisa kinda lisa". Unfortunately, these raps take up a good portion of the song, and there's nothing going on in the instrumental to distract you from them, save for that little ice cream truck jingle. (or at least I think that's what the producer was going for)

Selena is a non-presence and essentially blends in with the girls, who WAIL that awful hook like their lives depend on it. Also, there's some really cheesy innuendos here that're sung with all the sex appeal of the actual ice cream truck driver from literally your neighborhood. 

I loathe what this song represents - the only good thing about it is that the girls look stunning in the MV. And that's exactly the thing - this song represents the exact moment in time wherein Blackpink admitted to their audience that music is no longer their main focus. This is the peak of their influencer-ization, and only time will tell if they'll redeem themselves. (Spoiler: They sort of did, goddammit.)

[dragonofdarknesschaos]

I've been thinking (because I'm quarantined and bored, sorry )..how it could be possible for Jack to form a good friendship? ...I mean even if a person shows affection, good intentions or a real interest on his stuff... the chance of Jack's betrayal is still there. I don't know I'm wondering ..if he can have a healthy friendship.

*cackles*  Jack Spicer, as he is in XS, is not capable of forming a stable and healthy relationship, despite the fact that he desperately wants and needs one.  And if that ain’t the tragedy of the whole series.

The Jack of Showdown

Just when Jack finally starts to actually warm up and be open and honest about his feelings with others, he either gets grossly mistreated (“The Deep Freeze,” “The Apprentice”) or is presented with the choice of being loved and accepted, despite who he is and what he’s done, or giving in to his baser instincts and double crossing his new would-be friends to get praised by someone who could not care less about him (“The Apprentice”).  It’s difficult to tell if Jack feels he doesn’t deserve to be happy for some deep and personal reason, or if he’s so focused on being seen as EVIL™ and not good; that he believes he must take any and all opportunities to prove his evil worth.  Whatever the reason, the Jack in XS would need someone that will stick by his side no matter what decisions he makes, or what actions he takes to push that person away.  Someone who unconditionally supports him and wants to be by his side.  The problem is, that’s more of a pet and has the potential to become quite toxic.

The Jack of Chronicles

As for the Jack of XC, he has some boundaries, and he’s not quite as ruthless.  He knows he’s kind of a loser, but he still really wants a girlfriend to help boost his sense of masculine ego.  But more importantly, he just wants a friend, to the point that he was willing to pay people to hang out with him (just like in XS “Something Jermaine,” “Judging Omi” and XC’s “Magic Stallion and the Wild Wild West,” “Buddy Blue Ray and the Golden Bunnies,” and “Heal Me”).

Jack enjoys Wuya’s company, but she gets frustrated with his lack of action in favor of building capital or just having fun (the Golden Toilet arc, “Super Cow Patty,” “Tokyo Madness,” and “Omi Saves the Holidays” among many others).  Jack seems to have moved out of his parent’s basement, and is now in his own warehouse/factory, so he’s really trying to focus on starting up his Evil Business idea and often refers to himself as an “evil entrepreneur” throughout the series.  While Wuya appreciates the “go get ‘em” spirit, she still feels that Jack isn’t doing enough to help her, which is the whole reason they teamed up in the first place.  Because of her nagging attitude and matriarchal approach to the relationship, Jack often feels smothered and refuses to act.  However, he still has boundaries and refuses to do certain things if they are not in his interests as well (“Back in the Flesh Again”).

Jack and Shadow

With Wuya as Jack’s pseudo-mother, he needs a datemate to call his own.  Gone is his curiosity in Kimiko (though he does seem to think she’s still cool), but if it’s any other girl, he will do his best to impress her.

Case in point Willow--who he tried to ask on a date if he won the Showdown Trio in “The Fall of Xiaolin.”  She strongly states that she isn’t interested in him in the least, and because the two never see each other again, I would assume Jack dropped the pursuit.

Shadow on the other hand, he likely sees a lot of himself in her.  They’re both evil, admire Chase, they seem about the same age, and... that’s about where the similarities end.  Shadow’s actions say that she is repulsed by Jack, but she never pushes him away, and even praises his “doo-hickies” (“The Laws of Nature,” “Rocco”).  With the use of camera drones, Jack witnessed a lot of the private behavior and abuse between Chase and Shadow, and even some of the abuse in person ( “Tigress Woo,” “Rocco”).  Even the cold open of “Who Shrunk Master Fung?” features Jack being very careful not to harm a strange bird, who is later revealed to be Shadow.  Case in point, the Jack of XC has a streak of kindness in him, and it is unclear if Shadow sees that and resents Jack for having it, or if she admires that aspect of him.  Regardless, after the events of “The Laws of Nature,” where Jack effectively double crosses Chase (and her by extension), Shadow likely made the choice to never trust Jack completely.  She double crosses him at the end of their wonderful team up in “Back in the Flesh Again.”  And Jack doesn’t even get upset or angry about the loss and betrayal.  He’s even more smitten and tries to brag to Omi and Ping Pong before realizing they aren’t into it and flies off.

Overall Jack and Shadow have feasible grounds for a relationship--even a romantic one--if they could both create some honesty and trust between each other, but neither is willing to do that, despite Jack’s over sharing (literally every time he opens his mouth around Chase).  For further reading on Jack’s relationship with Shadow and Chase, check out this post.

Jack doesn’t interact with Tigress, Kimiko’s older sister, much, but he does bother to keep tabs on her and warns Kimiko about her sister’s more nefarious activities (“Tigress Woo”).  It’s unclear if he did this in an effort to get closer to the Monks as a friend, or if he was stalking Tigress because he was attracted to her.  In either case, Tigress is never seen again or mentioned by Jack.

Jack’s Other Interests

There are a handful of episodes in XC that revolve around Jack seeing or meeting another evil-doer and fixating on them, often trying to model himself after them in some fashion.  He does this with PandaBubba to a lesser extent in “Magic Stallion and the Wild Wild West,” then goes full blown fan for Super Cow Patty (in his self-titled episode) and later Le Mime in the same episode, making fan videos and full costumes with personas for both his fixations.  In both instances with the truly evil characters (PB and Le Mime), Jack was looking for a sense of acceptance by an Evil Businessman and entrepreneurial peer, and a sense of belonging to a larger community with Le Mime and his henchmen.  That desire for belonging to a larger community is reiterated earlier in the series with “Heal Me” and Reverse!Jack’s cult.

However, when presented with an actual fan of his, Tiny Sim, Jack is actually somewhat reluctant to have the fan tag along with him.  And maybe that was for the best, as Jack soon discovers that the fan he inspired to become Evil is actually a lot better at it than he, himself, is (“Drawn to be Evil”).  In retaliation, Jack confines the fan to being just a creative idea intern.  Jack is essentially taking credit for all of Tiny Sim’s ideas, and not paying the kid a thing.  Sim, either because he’s doing what his idol taught, or because he feels cheated, makes it a priority to take a Wu or two when he can out of Jack’s stash (“Mark of the Dragon Spirit”).  Sadly, the series ended before the relationship between these two could be further developed.  It wouldn’t have been healthy, but at least it would have been something.

Another important note, Jack does make the clear distinction in both series that the gallery of sellswords he pays to be around him are only in it as long as there’s money for them to be had.  They are not his friends, they will never be his true friends, they’re just people he pays until the money runs out (“Something Jermaine,” “Judging Omi”).  So Katnappe, Tubbimura, Cyclops (after their initial debut), and to a lesser extent Vlad will never truly be Jack’s friends.  Vlad does make a return in XS’s “The Demon Seed” to try and cheer Jack up (not that he’s very good at it), but he doesn’t seem to want anything from Jack other than to do evil things and pal around.  This is a bit of a departure from their first encounter where Jack was presumably paying Vlad to be his hired muscle and inside man (“The Deep Freeze”).

Jack’s Robots

Jack’s relationship with his various Jackbots and other robots is an interesting one.  It’s possible that he created them out of a sick sense of wanting to have friends that he could control, but it comes back more to how the bots are presented in both series.

The Jackbots of XS seem to have a hive mind of sorts, as they will blindly (and sometimes literally) follow their master’s commands.  Those that fall are replaced as if nothing happened to the fallen Jackbot; their numbers are legion.  The bots are later programmed with emotions and feel sadness, but not fear.  This is interesting, because Jack is shown having temper tantrums from time to time, but he doesn’t break things, only tosses them around (“The Journey of A Thousand Miles”).

Jack’s relationship with the more “custom” humanoid robots is split into a binary.  On the one side are the bots that went rogue and have tried to annihilate him or simply want nothing to do with him: Chameleon Bot, Robo!Jack, and the patent-pending Shen Gong Wu Detect-o-bot.  On the other side are the bots he grew very attached to: Yesbot, his Cheerbot squad, and the Shen Gong Wu Detect-o-bot before it went rogue.  Both Yes~ and Detect-o~ allow Jack to be more of a child, as he is depicted being held like a scared child with both of them (if I remember correctly.  “Oil in the Family,” “The Demon Seed”).  He treats them like the parent he doesn’t have around.  The Cheerbots are his hott Barbie dolls that he gets to dress up and maintain.  He doesn’t go much farther than projecting personalities and life problems onto them.  Eventually they are absorbed into the Jackbot hive.

Remember how Jackbots don’t show or know fear in XS?  XC opens with Jack having a tantrum, and many of his various designs of bot run away from him.  Jack is left cornering Chefbot, who has darts sticking out of his chef’s hat.  Rather peculiar for robots to be afraid of their master, especially since they are meant to be hoards of drones.  As Chefbot is developed as a character, Jack comes to respect his creation more, but Chefbot says he has no interest in hanging around someone like Jack; he wants to go places and be a real chef!  He can’t do that if he’s making paltry snacks for Jack.  Chefbot’s last appearance in the series is on a cooking show (either on TV or YouLook) making pizza, while Jack follows along from his RV.  Jack seems quite relaxed and at ease, even using the Banyan Twister Shen Gong Wu to stretch his body and the pizza dough.  It is never stated, but perhaps Jack is proud of his creation accomplishing it’s dream.

Thank You for Being a Friend

In conclusion, the Jack of XS is incapable of having a healthy friendship with anyone, either because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it or because he really is just a terrible person and pushes everyone away.  He would need someone to stand by and support him no matter what he does and no matter how horribly he treats that person.  Such a relationship has the potential to become toxic if boundaries are not set and if Jack doesn’t grow as a person.

The Jack of XC is desperate for a single friend, but 98% of the cast sees him as a pathetic loser, and not worth a second of their time.  Those that do see value in Jack’s companionship have all been hurt by Jack’s betrayal and lack of trust, or have betrayed Jack, because they have no trust in him (often from a previous encounter).  For this Jack to form a stable friendship, he needs someone who he can talk to honestly, openly, and not be judged for his feelings, and he seems to want someone who talks the same way to him.  He’s ready for a relationship, he just doesn’t have the rapport or trust built up with anyone.

TL;DR

Jack lacks basic trust in all his relationships.  He would need someone he can constantly count on, while also setting healthy and reasonable boundaries with that person.  If honesty and trust--ABSOLUTE TRUST--is there, Jack can have a friend, maybe even something more.

[lesbeet]

Thoughts on poetry and how you get students excited about it.

hmm unfortunately i didn't get a chance to do a ton of poetry while i was student-teaching last year, but i think for writing in general but especially for poetry, stressing that so much of it is subjective!

like yes there are Terms with specific definitions, but even then there are so few Correct Answers - in fact, one of the things i repeat ad nauseum as an english teacher is "there are no wrong answers, as long as you can prove it in the text"

i did some poetry with my juniors who really did not like me anywhere near as much as my freshmen did, and i remember them surprising me with a heated discussion about whether a certain line of a poem should be considered a metaphor or personification. make it fun. give them incentives.

i did a lesson on william carlos williams and after analyzing a few of his poems i had them spend the rest of class writing their own in his style, while keeping myself available to give feedback when they were finished. some of them were like "idk what to write about i don't get poetry idkkkk :(" and i was like "look around the room and pick something, and write about it" and one kid was like "haha ok i'm gonna write about this water bottle" just to be annoying and i was just like "ok! come show me when you're done!" and when he was done i gave feedback just as seriously as i did for the kids who wrote about things that were meaningful to them. and yknow what? by the end of class, that kid had written a poem about a water bottle that demonstrated the characteristics of wcw's style of poetry. and so did his friend who wrote about a sweatshirt.

another day we read annabel lee by poe. they'd already done the raven before i started student-teaching, so they were familiar w poe and had liked him enough to have a couple running jokes about him/the raven even though a few months had passed. after we read the poem and went over difficult vocab and analyzed the poetic devices, i pointed out a couple of seemingly innocuous elements of the poem that, interpreted a certain way, change it from a boring romantic love poem to a dark thriller about obsession. by the end of class they were engaged in an intense discussion about whether the speaker of the poem had ever even had a conversation with annabel lee, or if he was just an obsessive creep who liked to sleep in her tomb. lots of laughing and freaking out about how weird that is, but how ultimately it makes sense when you consider poe's other work

right before quarantine started i made a list of all the poems i'd read with them so far and wrote up an assignment for a debate: if only one of these poems could remain in the curriculum from now on, which one should it be, and why? i passed out numbered slips of paper to assign a picking order, and they got to choose which poem's team they wanted to be on (w a limit ofc). i gave them the order of the match-ups, and told them to build a case for their poem and against the other poem.

"but sefa," you might be saying, "how can you ask your students to prove one poem is better than another? it's so subjective!" but that's exactly the point. when you take away the pressure for them to reach a certain conclusion (especially for something subjective) they get to be creative and have fun with it. i had several students email me after quarantine started saying things like "i'm so disappointed i won't get to completely destroy carl sanburg's chicago and prove that annabel lee is the best poem of all time :("

long story short: trick them into thinking you're taking it less seriously. let them work through things and come to their own conclusions. tell them about widely agreed upon interpretations and ask if they agree. they don't care because they think it has nothing to do with them, even if they're writing their own poems. get on their level. make it funny. let them get heated. even if there's a right answer, let them discuss it for a bit before you give it away. give them a task they'll WANT to succeed at, and make it so that the task can't be accomplished without them applying the lesson content

it's like hiding vegetables in a little kid's mac and cheese. first you get them excited, and then the learning happens. the curriculum means nothing if their brains are turned off from the start

[butterfly-winx]

Lynphea is very well known for its produce and plentiful tropical and magical plants. However not many people can claim they have actually ever set foot on the planet. 

 - The large planet is uniquely almost entirely landmass and covered by thick forests, spotted by the few great lakes they have. And great they are, more the size of seas of smaller planets, certainly big enough to hold their own Ocean Gates. 

 - Though due to the limited size of the bodies of water, the merfolk residing on Lynphea is rather small, goblin sized and blue grey. They live in large pods and roam the waters without any permanent settlement.

- Contrary to what the lush canopy of trees suggests, forest doesn’t equal forest. The local classification system counts over 100 distinct arboreal biotopes. To outsiders the forests might not appear as different, but the differing seasonal behaviour of the plants and the biotope associated animals are fundamental to the life of Lynpheans.

- As is the case in many other civilisations the environmental circumstances hugely shape the lifestyle people are able to build. Lynphea is no different. Here three factors govern people’s lives: the physical distance from other people, the naturally available resources around them, and the remaining safe to use zones of the planet should no more resources be vailable.

- The people living here have built a life on dependency on wild fruit and cultivation techniques that are very foreign to people used to greenhouse and tended field agriculture. Strategic scattering of seeds and gentle pruning on the nearby vegetation allowed Lynpheans to grow “produce rich paths” close to their settlements. Responsible hunting techniques that are tailored to maintain the population of their prey made sure the species they eat are still able to fulfil their role in the ecosystem. Behaving in a responsible manner like this and avoiding either overpopulation or overuse of resources is critical when people are more dependent on nature than they are on other people producing. 

- When nature really cannot give more - which does happen as no two seasons are the same and sometimes one patch of forest can’t support as many people as it did the year before - settlements pack up and move on, or merge with another group. It’s the natural course of life and no one is too upset about it. The original settlement may be available again in a few season’s time anyway.

- Other than their survival being dependent on nature and hunting/gathering, Lynpheans soon realised that more than all that they also depended on each other. Their lives completely revolve around relations and building up a community. Education with that purpose starts as early as infancy. Child rearing is considered a communal task and all adults are encouraged to take part in it. Children are welcome to look for emotional support outside their birth parents and may even elect a non-related person as their Primary Carer. The adult must be of course consenting, but the process is a natural one and doesn’t happen onto anyone out of the blue- a child wouldn’t name an adult their Prim if they didn’t already spend a lot of time together and formed a bond. 

- Adults who are not comfortable with parenting won’t be any less friendly to probing children, but they have a way of drawing away and being court that lets the kids know they aren’t available. In some settlements adults are encouraged to wear specific colours to signal their reclusiveness, in others henna and other skin markings are used to signal the opposite. It varies from region to region.

- Raised in a sheltered environment of loving adults all around, the education of Lynphean children takes a harsh turn once they reach 11 years and they are released on Nature’s Teaching Path. By that age it is believed children are ready to learn independence as a person and develop their Unique Skills that they can contribute to society with. As important as that is, adults have also developped a way to hammer the ever-present Lynphen thesis home: no one survives without nature. So children are sent into the wilderness alone, as in without adult supervision, where they have to survive on what their teen predecessors have built and what else they can do to on the spot. What could become Lord of the Flies ends in a week of extreme behaviour from the 11-year-olds and forms the steady people who populate the planet. This stage lasts 3 years, adults will however check in on the children a few times a season and supply them with medicine they can’t reasonably produce themselves.

- After that the young adults take up a trade they spend the rest of their lives perfecting. Even though a lot of work is seasonal, and there are lot of seasons where all people in a settlement are needed to help out, people usually have a thing that is uniquely theirs. This might be a cultural practice, a creative hobby ar scientific exploration that they are encouraged to return to once the tasks of the day are done. 

- The community focused aspect both determines and limits the size of settlements. As the planet is comparable in size to that of Jupiter, but only has the population of Andros dispersed over the huge habitable zone. The majority lives in settlements of 200-500 people, but a town can get as small as 23-30 people, which equals one family unit.

- Numbers concerning the inhabitants of the planet, be it human, elf, mer or other are only estimates, as with a lack of centralised governance and the remote settlements official registries are impossible to make. But even if they did, Lynphea doesn’t share a lot with the outside world and doesn’t allow a lot of trespassing.

- With the absence of one governing body there never was a need for people to develop last names, which was mostly done to differentiate individuals in filing lists, mark families and track new births. As all of that is unnecessary on Lynphea, people have opted to give children several first names. In the North most commonly two names are used and the top ten most poplar names are related to bird species. The Eastern Forest and the Equatorial belt uses three names, one of which is chosen later in life by the child themselves after Nature’s Teaching Path is complete. Even further south four names are custom, and in the most eccentric region of the West with the largest settlement of 6000 people, up to six names are used.

- All three names are equal and when forced to off planet, Lynpheans will give it all as first name and attach a geographical tag. Flora’s full name on her Magics resident card reads ‘Flora Augmenta Lisahani of the Kapalong-Elet Valley’ where only the first three are actually her name. Kapalong and Elet are the two rivers that encircle the settlement she grew up with. 

- Spread so thinly and without a government one wouldn’t really think unity persisted on the planet beyond the individual settlements, so it is surprising to learn that the humans of Lynphea do think about the planet as one single country. They speak the same language with some dialects, they celebrate the same weather dependent holidays and practice the same birth and funeral techniques. The colours of their cloths or melodies of their songs that mark the regional differences aren’t all that important to them.

- Lynpheans subscribe to one federalist approach though, and that is the election of a Council, whose job is to collect information across the planet and share the most vital points concerning all residents. With the best interest of all people in mind at all times, they are also tasked with electing the Representatives they send off-world and with overseeing the Quarantine Workers.

- The planet that has been described as close to “paradise on earth” as possible has been battling with a horrible environmental/pandemic issue for decades. There is a rotten core in the Eastern Forests, caused by a malicious fungal growth that carries a very dangerous virus able to infect plants and humans alike. The disease it carries is highly infectious and is deadly in all known cases*, so research has been slow and little insight has been revealed about its cause, progression, and ways of halting the spread of the rot on the planet. The utmost imperative of Quarantine Workers is to isolate infected people or plants or even whole regions and to limit the spread to the best of their abilities. This in the rarest cases can mean abandoning communities.

- Entry to Lynphea is therefore tightly regulated with visa and requires a course of vaccinations as a pre-exposure premeditation. Visitors - and locals alike for that matter- are forbidden from even going near the edge of the infected zone. 

- Exit is even more strictly watched. Many adventurous Lynpheans have been very disappointed with the decision of the immigration office denying them opportunities and exploration off planet. It is hard not to feel trapped when all your life’s opportunities depend on the wind direction and dispersion pattern of deadly spores. Even worse is it for those who crash landed on the planet or came visiting and just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. They cannot ever leave for the fear of spreading the disease to other planets is to great. Lynphea has to become their new home, as it sooner or later would be their tomb.

- For this the Council and the Representatives are incredibly invested in international relations. The more people off planet they can enlist in their cause, the sooner they will be able to offer a cure and prevent 20% of their population still dying from it every year. They joined the Company of Light when it was still a war effort under the leadership of their planet’s own famous Farin Ebenezor Saladin - who has since then fallen out of the public’s favour. How well these  efforts continue to work entirely depends on the Representatives, six families of diplomats living off planet. As election time rolls around, the Council is split as ever, with all eyes on Krystal Gamma, daughter of one of the current Representatives, born off planet, but raised for this exact task. Will she run for office once she becomes of age when summer rolls around?

[bananaofswifts]

Taylor Swift’s folklore Dismantles Her Own Self-Mythologizing: Review

The singer-songwriter's eighth album cuts away the pop scaffolding for dark, dreamy contemplation

The Lowdown: Born of isolation, Taylor Swift’s eighth album, folklore, interrogates the pop star’s self-mythologizing and turns her gaze outward. Created during the ongoing pandemic, Swift collaborated remotely on 11 songs with Aaron Dessner of The National, who shared orchestrations composed inside his own quarantine. The results lean toward modern folk and glitchy experimentation, abandoning pop bombast but not the drama of swelling strings or anxious percussion. The accompanying visuals depict a gloomy summer, and listeners can imagine Swift watching storms barrel across the Atlantic horizon and wandering old-growth forests in half-done braids, alone or with a companion socially distanced beyond the frame. Dropped on 24 hours’ notice without her typically painstaking roll-out, the 16 moody songs delve into “fantasy, history, memory” and find Swift roaming her past loves with fresh, if tired, eyes — but also writing complex fictional scenes beyond her own experience. From a lyrical standpoint, it’s arguably Swift’s most contemplative, ambivalent, and expansive work yet.

The Good: While 2019’s Lover tried to please everyone with a wide range of half-baked genre parodies, folklore sounds like an entire album sprung from “The Archer”, the previous record’s most self-aware, unresolved, and memorable track. There are no pop-radio bangers here, but once I stopped howling “CRUEL SUMMER should’ve been a single!!,” folklore’s melodies and choruses ribboned into my ears and got tangled with my own memories.

Dessner’s influence is palpable, and his orchestration is consistently gorgeous — an unexpected tone to which Swift responds deftly. Jack Antonoff, Swift’s friend and longtime producer/co-writer, also worked on the record; though still distinctive, Antonoff clearly follows the cloud-covered path set by Swift and Dessner. Swift duets with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon on “exile” to elegant effect; the song acts as a contrapuntal of a dissolving romance, the two voices alternating while remaining separate, harmonizing only with themselves. Like most of these songs, “exile” marks maturity: The lyrics are clever but restrained, and the emotions are not only high-pitched but possess complex, shifting depths.

This album fits comfortably among what I’ve been spinning this summer: Jamila Woods’ LEGACY! LEGACY!, Waxahatchee’s Saint Cloud, and HAIM’s Women in Music Pt. III — albums full of momentum, contemplation, push-and-pull in equal measure. Swift signals growth both personal and creative throughout folklore. Superficially, perhaps, she drops the F-bomb twice — a transgression against “radio-” and “family-friendly” that she’s never dared before. The first line of album opener “the 1” is “I’m doin’ good, I’m on some new shit” — even as she explicitly passes her hand through an old flame. It’s that self-awareness and willingness to both hold herself responsible and forgive that set these songs apart. “mirrorball” sounds like lost Jimmy Eat World jangle-pop laced with melancholy pedal steel and builds to a stunning bridge where Swift admits: “I’ve never been a natural/ All I do is try, try, try … I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me.” Swift has never sounded so honest, and the scrim between her interiority and position as global pop powerhouse has never been so transparent.

Though Swift dons rose-colored lenses for even the darkest heartaches, her perspective at 30 has made her lyricism even more piercing. “I hit my peak at seven,” she sings on a wistful track about a lifelong friendship. “I was too scared to jump in, but I was high … Are there still beautiful things?” On album standout “invisible string”, Swift sings, “Cold was the steel of my ax to grind/ For the boys who broke my heart/ Now I send their babies presents.” She’s so often dealt in retro tropes of riding in cars with and borrowing sweaters from crushes (and that’s still present here), but this banality is fresh and hits harder. In the same song, she credits destiny with uniting her and her true love, but subtly undercuts the cliché — “isn’t it just so pretty to think/ All along there was some/ Invisible string/ Tying you to me?” She understands the myth-making required of every romantic love — and the constant retelling if that love lasts.

Until now, Swift has been an excellent narrator of the dramas of young love, big friendship, and staying true to a certain narrow-minded integrity. She has been America’s favorite crazy white girl, setting fire to the love letters and reputations of those who wronged her or erecting pedestals to her current squad or lover. But the only notably pointed finger on folklore comes through “mad woman” (much improved over the pseudo-feminist gloss of “The Man”). Swift seems to have realized that the pain of growing up often comes down to how we navigate the tension between expectations and reality — of our relationships, achievements and setbacks, and our choices.

From that calm, Swift’s imagination expands, and she’s consciously trying to write from perspectives not her own, including eccentric heiress Rebekah Harkness in “the last great American dynasty” and a lightly vindictive corpse in “my tears ricochet” (singing, “I can go anywhere I want, just not home”).

The Bad: Sometimes Swift still seems caught in the mechanism of her own massive professional apparatus. The album’s promotional Instagram filter is a “glittery sepia-tone,” which feels a bit tone-deaf, and the self-styled portraits of Swift appear to reference a glamorous mid-century sad girl a la Sylvia Plath.

On occasion, Swift can’t resist the pop-culture tropes embedded in her psyche: “illicit affairs” seems cribbed directly from a Sex and the City episode, and the teenage love-triangle series (“cardigan”, “august”, “betty”) evokes any number of late-2000s CW soaps. Yet, the restraint exhibited here, and lines like “meet me behind the mall” and “you can’t believe a word she says/ Most times/ But this time it was true” effectively refresh the clichés yet again.

“epiphany” seems to try to connect periods of global and American crisis, from World War II to COVID-19. While there are a few standout lines — “hold your hand through plastic now” — the ideas are muddled. You can hear the impulse to speak more broadly about the world beyond her walls, but she hasn’t quite figured out what to say yet. Perhaps that’s next.

The Verdict: On folklore, Swift has come of age, emotionally and sonically, and proven herself — not that she needed to — as not only an exceptionally autonomous auteur but a nimble collaborator with an ever-broadening palate.

We live in an era when Americans are examining and dismantling national myths on a grand scale. Swift, too, is expanding her perspective yet starting at home, evaluating ongoing struggles, failures, and choices, weaving larger themes into her well-worn tapestries of bittersweet, young love. The songs of folklore show Swift piercing holes in her own narrative and persona and seem to ask: What’s the account we give to ourselves and to others? Can we look more closely? Can we change the story and survive?

Essential Tracks: “cardigan”, “mirrorball”, “invisible string”, and “peace”

[mego42]

Writer Asks

Tagged by @sothischickshe, @bourbon-ontherocks and @medievalraven who are all v lovely and for reasons unknown to me, want me to ramble about my fic so like, blame them for this I guess

Tagging @fairhairedkings, @riosnecktattoo, @inyoursheets, @foxmagpie, @pynkhues if you feel like it

ao3 name: ms_scarlet (origin story no one asked for: I came up with it for a creative writing class where we had to submit everything under pseudonyms for anonymous full class critique, which was gr9 and not at all traumatic, and I was deeply obsessed with both the Grateful Dead and Sublime versions of Scarlet Begonias at the time)

fandoms: the only fandoms I’ve written fic for are bellarke/t100 and Good Girls (and Buffy but it was way back in the day, pre-organized archives and has been completely lost to time which is For The Best)

number of fics: 14 (lol, 5 over the course 3 years in t100 fandom and 9 since joining the GG fandom at the beginning of s3, you could say I have been inspired)

fic i spent the most time on: a song inside the halls of the dark for sure, it’s the first multi chapter I’ve ever done and I’m far enough into it that I will be super honest, I was extremely dubious over whether or not I’d actually see it through when I started but huzzah! It’s happening. But yeah, I spend like, a lot of time thinking about it, writing it (lmao obvs), rewatching clips of the show to pick apart characterization and mannerisms, etc, etc. I try to work on it in some capacity every day (sometimes that just means outlining or deleting chunks of my outline and crying about how much I hate myself) to keep up momentum so yeah, def that one.

As far as one shots go, there’s blood in my body (I’m holding on) for bellarke, I think I spent a month, maybe 6 weeks working on that

fic i spent the least amount of time on: as the world turns, the blunt burns, I was doing my usual lazy Saturday morning scroll through Tumblr before I got out of bed and saw a post like I want beth and mick to get high together (I would love to give credit but I haven’t the foggiest notion who said it, I wasn’t intending to write it so I didn’t pay too much attention, I’m the worst, I’m sorry) and then some dialogue popped into my head maybe 10 min later and I think I wrote the whole thing in like, 45 min on my phone. Cannot emphasize enough how little I thought about it (or proofed it tbh, yikes, so many typos) before posting

most hits: overall, I’ve Got You Here my t100 post s3, alt s4 thing. For Good Girls, a song inside the halls of the dark

most kudos: overall, there’s blood in my body (I’m holding on) - bellarke modern au. For GG, still song.

most comment threads:  a song inside the halls of the dark by a M I L E (it twice as many as blood, the next highest), the GG fandom is so lovely and supportive and friendly and I love you guys, I really do

most bookmarks: same as kudos, blood overall and then song for GG

highest total word count: lol song is killing it

favorite fic i wrote: oh man, that’s hard. I love them all for different reasons. Blood was my first ever AU (I am a canon/canon-divergent ho) and it also deals with some stuff that’s important to me so that’s always going to have a special place in my heart. I’ve Got You Here was the first time I tried to tackle something bigger than a missing scene or short one-shot so that’s also significant.

I’m really proud of smoke, fire, it’s all going up because I think I did a p good job with the Rio POV there. I’d give her a HA! And a HI-YA! is special bc it’s my first outside POV and it was based on so little info it was basically OC, so that was a fun challenge.

All of that said, obviously, a song inside the halls in the dark is my fav. It’s been the biggest stretch of my skills (I had NO! IDEA! If I could plot and pace on the level required to sustain the fic I’d originally outlined and it’s only grown from there tbh), it’s also been like, the loveliest experience? I keep saying people’s reaction to it has broken my brain and I’m not actually just saying that. I’m deeply overwhelmed. And last but emphatically not least, it’s how I’ve gotten to know @nickmillerscaulk who, on top of being an incredible editor (seriously y’all, she is Skilled, I’ve learned so much from her), is such an awesome, amazing person and I’m so very glad we’ve become friends.

fic i want to rewrite/expand on: Oh man, idk. Pills N Potions is the easiest because it’s a prompt collection! Send me prompts! I can’t promise I’ll write them right away (my ADHD is so very real and only dubiously under my control during quarantine, so I live in constant terror of losing the thread of song especially this close to the end) but I def want to flex my quick and dirty short fic for funsies skills. I’m super looking forward to @goodgirlsficrecs prompt-a-thon.

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on: ahahaha oh man, my google drive is littered with partially drafted or outlined ideas. I have a bunch of missing scene things I started at various points in s3 that are realistically dead in the water.

In terms of WIP/ideas I’m still intending to work on/finish:

A post 311 Rio POV pwp

A fishing/fencing/flute playing fluff for @medievalraven because I keep taunting her with my tags for song

The Good Guys (Rio, JT and Stan) thing that snowballed in a post way back when from @jazillia007, @nickmillerscaulk, and @inyoursheets

I still low-key want to do the transcripts for the Mick, Annie and Ruby group chat. I might save that for whenever I rewatch and have it running concurrently to s3, idk we’ll see

A Jewel Thief AU that I am wildly hyped about. I outlined the first chapter of it around when I started posting song and haven’t let myself do anything with it because I know once I get started I’m going to abandon whatever else I’m working on

More Annie POV, I don’t have any specific ideas, I just really love writing Annie POV

[dfcfanfics]

So What the Hell Did I Do This Year?

As if I have to tell any of you this... 2020 was one completely messed-up year.  COVID, elections, full-on national insanity... 

It was also the Year of No New Miraculous Content (outside of the New York special, which I have not watched yet, and about which I’m not completely sure where it officially fits into canon.)  So my stories have been in something of a post-Season 3 holding pattern much in the way that the show has.

Luckily for me, that post-Season 3 status (the Adrigaminette triangle) is rich with storytelling possibilities.  Just about everything that I wrote this year revolved around that dynamic and how it might end up resolving.

LONGFICS:

Stuck In A Bakery (With You) (Complete) (AO3)

When a medical crisis appears to threaten the Agreste household, Gabriel's first impulse is to send his son far away from potential danger. (One does not risk the company's most valuable asset, after all!) While visiting Marinette at her house, Adrien gets the word that he's about to be spirited away to stay with distant relatives for the duration.

But this is the Dupain-Cheng household... and they may have other ideas as to how a less traumatic self-quarantine might be arranged.

My big story for the year, and going by the numbers, my biggest hit yet.  I was a little bit wary of writing a COVID story in this context, but I decided to try something a little different; short, rapid-fire chapters, posted one-per-day for quite some time.  I was cooped up, I was feeling creative, and I felt like entertaining people in the same boat.  

This one was a slow-burn for the ages.  With Our Heroes in captivity and Hawkmoth dormant, Marinette and Adrien explore what they mean to each other, share a bathroom, do their best to avoid hurting Kagami (as Adrigami was an in-progress thing when the quarantine hits) and decide what comes next.  Tom and Sabine manage the business in troubled times while supporting the budding relationship, Gabriel and Nathalie insert themselves into events, the classmates do their best to grasp what’s going on, and a good deed done wrong proves most impactful.

No one gets sick or intubated or buried, even as the realities of the virus and its impact remain present. This is not Pandemic Porn. This is fluff and comfort and two nervous kids learning about each other up close.

Throw Me Around Like One Of Your French Girls (WIP)  (AO3)

Reflecting upon an unpleasant encounter, Marinette makes a small realization... as Ladybug, she can defend herself with ease, but what happens if she's facing down unwanted physicality as Marinette? It's a good thing that she happens to know a classmate who's studying the martial arts, if he'd be willing to teach her some things?

A short multi-parter, a pleasant distraction from the continuing It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time. Fluff, fashion choices, twisted arms, friendship, tension and tap-outs.

The next variation on the triangle’s developments.  It started as a small rumination on what happened in Felix (namely Ladybug punching his lights out), with Marinette learning some Aikido from her handsome classmate.  With Adrigami still happening, Marinette feels much more relaxed around him... and with Marinette relaxed around him, Adrien is increasingly captivated by her.  (Lukanette is Not Quite A Thing Yet in this, though certainly possible.  Luka is Mr. Not Appearing Much In This Year’s Stories Of Mine.)

Unlike in Stuck In A Bakery, Kagami can and does meet with both of them throughout. There is a definite connection each way, and a need to pass the Bechdel Test -- Marinette refuses to let her and Kagami be solely defined by Adrien.  .   

Still in progress, approaching its climax, kind of on hold because Delicate’s been more on my mind.

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time... (technically WIP) (AO3)

A week ago, the friendly relationship between Adrien, Marinette and Kagami seemed to be blossoming on all fronts... But that was a week ago.

Now, Marinette is wondering what - if anything - in her life can be salvaged.

Then there's a knock at her door... and, suddenly, so many things are changing all at once.

A short flight of fancy, several small parts to come.

Round three in the Adrigaminette triangle -- and this one really _is_ Adrigaminette in nature.  

A highly stressed, frustrated and emotionally troubled Marinette has all the plates in the air right now.  Her wish-he-was-her-boyfriend is seeing her new friend Kagami, she’s not entirely sure if Luka would be an adequate substitute, she has her new Guardianship to contend with, and everything seems to be falling apart at once.

So, when Kagami shows up on her doorstep because Adrien abruptly dumped her... thinking isn’t the first thing on her mind.  Acting is.  And act, she does!

This is NOT a dump-on-Adrien fic, however, no matter how much it may seem so at first.  Adrien gets his turn to express why he did what he did, how he felt he was being unfair to Kagami by continuing, and why he’s just as troubled Marinette is... but Ladybug and Ryuko asking Chat what _he_ thinks they should do complicates that greatly, as you might expect.

I say TECHNICALLY WIP because I feel like it stands well just as I left it... but I feel like I could add another epilogue chapter or two to it at some point.  And perhaps I will.

Delicate (WIP, NSFW!)  (AO3)

A university-aged Marinette hears a cry for help on a quiet Saturday night, while walking home. Her glory days as Ladybug were years ago, but she still has her Miraculous, so... she investigates. What she finds startles her... among other emotions.

This is the one that I had told myself I would never write.  

I’ve been dismissive of aged-up fics in the past that were aged up simply to enable sex scenes without triggering the dreaded Underage tag.  Not as in “no one should ever write those,” but as in “this isn’t my cup of tea as an author.”  But a scene jumped into my head, and it inspired a thought... if Marinette and Adrien _did_ jump straight to age nineteen for the purposes of my story, what happened in those years in-between?  

“Porn Without Plot is like Faith Without Works” was one of the first tags on this one.  Yes, Our Heroes bump uglies in this one... frequently.  But don’t let that scare you off.  There is a lot of exploration here that doesn’t involve bodies, such as: 

Why isn’t Marinette actively Ladybug any more?  Why did Adrien disappear for two years -- and what happened on the night that caused it?  Why is Plagg absolutely furious at Adrien?  How will Adrien explain any of this to his onetime partner -- or to Marinette -- or to both at once, once he recovers from the shock of knowing that they’re one and the same?  And what will the other Kwamis think about all of this?

Lighthearted at its core, angstful when necessary, sexy without being explicit, full of difficult conversations and circumstances.  It’s not about what they’re up to; it’s about why. 

ONE-SHOTS:

A Little Promise I’d Made Myself (Complete) (AO3)

It's New Year's Eve in Paris, and at Rose's house, the classmates (among many others) are having quite a party. Adrien is sipping on his punch, watching merriment ensue, and wondering what the right next move is for him... until he sees a certain classmate sitting by herself, looking less than enthusiastic.

Can these crazy kids find a way to make it work?

Of course they can.

I’m cheating with this one -- it was posted in the last week of 2019.  But it’s New Year’s Eve and this is a New Year’s Eve story and I’m pimping it out, dammit.

Revisit this one and picture That Kiss when midnight arrives wherever you are, okay?

Perhaps I Failed To Think This Through... (CRACKFIC, complete) (AO3)

Gabriel Agreste's first transformation startled him with the changes to his physical form, the raw power at his command, and the endless possibilities that his magical proxies might provide.

But it's always a good idea to try a test run first... and maybe run your designs past a focus group, or something.

Crackfic based around Gabriel’s first attempt at villainy once gaining the power of Nooroo.

It... doesn’t go well.

Some Said He Had No Sense Of Humor (Complete) (AO3)

While wandering down in the room containing Emilie's chamber, Nooroo makes a very startling discovery. He reports it to Gabriel... who demonstrates absolutely no surprise. Little does Nooroo know that his day of surprises is just beginning... and what Gabriel truly has in mind, he will never see coming.

Crackfic based around Emilie’s coma... or lack thereof.  What if Emilie really wasn’t in magical stasis -- and for the least predictable of reasons?

As always... I send my warmest regards to my readers.  Your feedback and comments are always welcome, and they make writing these stories worthwhile.  Stay well, stay happy, stay away from hairy men in trenchcoats, and stay tuned for what next year will bring.  It _has_ to be better than what this one did... right?

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 21: The Tea Party (Part 1)

Previously: we went on a very stressful and very emotional trip. We finally learned Hanako’s brother’s name: Tsukasa and he continued to unsettled me like he does every single time he appears. Mitsuba actually passed away, this time for good, it seemed and it made me tear up a bit ngl. After that, the chapter decided I hadn’t suffered enough so it punched me while I was down and showed us how Hanako feels about the existence of the dead as ghosts in general and how that reflects in his own sense of self. We also got another glimpse of the mermaid and she said some real ominous shit :)))) if anything happens to Nene istg :)))))) Sigh And last but not least, Natsuhiko went to see Nene at her classroom and I’m,,,,concerned,,,,

Now onto the next chapter!

Personal update for the 50 (holy shit?) of you that still follow this blog: Well…..hi there, it’s been a while ^^;; Looking back on it, quarantine really hit me like a bag of bricks and burned me out. It’s not the first time that has happened, and what it means to me is that I just can’t bring myself to consume new content; I might have loved it so far but my brain is like “nope, we’re not doing that today” and well, this time it happened for almost two months. Also, one of my cats went missing for a little over a week (he’s home now, thankfully) and that just added to the general distress I was feeling. But over the last week I actually wrote small fics for another fandom and it finally pushed me back into a creative state, so I went back to re-read the last couple of recaps I did for JSHK and it made me realise that I miss my babies and I really want to know where the story goes, so here I am c:

Ohhhh that’s right, we’re starting a new volume with this chapter! Our main trio is front and center and judging by the colorful pastries and the tea, it is a reference to the tea party that was alluded to in the preview of the last chapter. Also, I see the ropes are back again, but this time Kou also has some around him! Nene and Hanako seem to be tied together with pink, blue and yellow ropes, Nene and Kou seem to be tied together with an orange rope and both Hanako and Kou seem to have another rope each that it’s not connected to neither Nene nor each other. Hanako’s is red and considering the way in which we’ve seen him tied up before, I would guess this represents his connection to Tsukasa. Kou’s is pink and considering everything that just happened, could his rope represent his connection with Mitsuba? Like, I know he’s dead dead now and their actual friendship was short-lived but I would also like to think that even though he’s gone, his memory will live forever with Kou, hence the rope. But I’m speculating and I already went on a long enough tangent for the cover page so let’s move on.

The next color page has the main trio again as the central focus in what seems to be the inside of a place that has a clockwork-like mechanism. On the corners of the page we have who I assume will be important character during the following arc(s): Aoi, Akane, Yamabuki and Teru (the latter one worries me slightly ngl). 

Ohhhh okay, the content page says that one of the arcs is called “the three clock keepers” so the art on that page now makes more sense.

……….I really don’t trust him hhhhh please be careful, Nene, please don’t let your weakness for pretty boys cloud your judgement.

Ohhh it could be because of Nene’s dress and the bunny ears (and the twins) but the title page gives me strong Alice in Wonderland vibes. It’s a cute picture but Tsukasa is there and Nene is tearing up so I’m,,,concerned 

Okay so Nene followed Natsuhiko outside and 

Are you reciting her your dating profile or something? also “call me Natsuhiko-senpai ♡” omfg he’s one of those, huh? Like, it could all be an act but he’s looking less and less threatening by the minute lol

Nene, bless her, has the common sense of asking him why he wanted to talk to her all of the sudden and he says it’s because “someone wants to meet her”. Gee, I wonder who that could be :)))))

…………….oh, oh no. Nene, sweetie, I need you to run and to run fast because this boy is up to no good and you’re not gonna  like what’s gonna happen. (Edit note: also this brings up a question: how did the chaotic trio know that Nene turns into a fish when she touches water? Like, I know they had been keeping tracks on her and Hanako for some time, so maybe they found out that way? Oh, maybe they use the Mokke? Because the Mokke were there in Yako’s boundary when Hanako pushed Nene down the waterfall)

Hhhhhhh and to the surprise of no one, there’s Tsukasa here to make Nene’s day more difficult.

asdasgdjash please do not make my daughter share the same fate as the puffer fish, she doesn’t deserve it (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

Nene fainted (can’t say I blame her jfc) and now she’s waking up in what seems to be the tea party and the floor is wet! so she thinks she could be on another boundary. Interesting, I wonder which number would this one be? Because the boundaries are assigned to the seven mysteries, right? So one of them should be in control of this place. Could Tsukasa be in control of this one? But that wouldn’t make much sense because he managed to get his “physical” form only recently, right? However, Hanako also spoke of a traitor that was changing rumors and we know that these three are responsible, so if they’re not the owners of the boundary maybe they somehow managed to manipulate the mystery that does control it? Oooor it could also be that there’s another boundary that managed to go under the radar and in turn the other mysteries don’t know about it.

sjdgjjasd she’s so done with them lol I know I call them the chaotic trio but it’s really the chaotic duo + Sakura. I’m so curious about how this whole *gestures wildly towards them* arrangement came to be.

Ohhhh this great! So Sakura got everything under control and from her introduction to Nene we now know that she’s a third year and we have confirmation that she became Tsukasa’s assistant in the same way that Nene did, in exchange for a wish. B U T, again, that brings up even more questions because Tsukasa said that while Amane granted the wishes of the living, he granted the wishes of the dead. So like (⚆.⚆) what’s up with that?? Is she an exception? Is she dead? Another supernatural? Or, maybe, even though it should be impossible considering what we know so far, could her wish have something to do with her being ‘alive’ in the school right now? Mhmmmm…...suspicious.

Okay but like, I actually really want to know how he fits in all of this because okay, Sakura and Tsukasa are linked together by the wish she made, but why is Natsuhiko here? Who is he? How did he end up working with these two?  He seems silly and completely whipped for Sakura, so maybe they knew each other before she made her “contract” with Tsukasa?  Hhhhh idk let’s keep reading.

Sakura says that she wanted to meet Nene because they’re in similar positions and she thought they could be good friends. And like, that’s a fair point…...but I don’t trust like that, no sir. Even if she didn’t want the boys to be so rough when they brought Nene here, the fact remains that they still kidnapped her so if this was just a friendly meeting, why would they need to do it in such a convoluted way?

Okay good, Nene is suspicious because of their methods and the amount of knowledge they have about her.

………………...sigh, I shouldn’t be surprised but bby no please don’t trust them so easily. She’s venting to Sakura about Hanako’s unpredictable behaviour and Sakura says that she can empathize with most of her struggles while Tsukasa is sitting on top of her shoulders and wrapping his arms and legs around here…...I can definitely see why she said he was cat-like because my cats do things like that when I’m sit down to write at my desk. But again, I know he’s technically a kid but I really need him to stop acting so cute because it unsettles me a lot.

Even he can see the romantic chemistry between those two. Well, thinking about it, that’s probably why they dragged her here, because she’s important to Hanako.

(;;⚆.⚆) NOPE, no, no thank you, I need you to back tf up please jfc

Nene snaps out of it and realizes that she let herself be drawn in by girl talk. She thankfully knows it was a stupid thing to do but she was just relieved and happy to have found someone who seems to understand what she’s going through, so I’ll cut her some slack. And she mentions that they don’t look like bad people but like I did, if they had innocent intentions, they wouldn’t have had to bring her by force.

………………...I feel like I’ve mentioned this before but I really hate it when either of them does this fucking face, it’s so creepy >n< also, Nene, sweetie, once again I’m asking you to run, run far and don’t look back because that look doesn’t spell anything good, especially paired with Sakura’s scared/resinged look (which makes me think that maybe her own intentions had been more innocent that I had originally given her credit for)

Hmmm. This is concerning; like, yes, Nene has to help Hanako with whatever he needs as his assistant as part of their deal and he does threaten to turn her into a fish when she pouts but I never got the feeling that it was malicious. On the other hand, Sakura’s wording (especially calling Tsukasa “Master” and saying she “can’t” disobey) and the look Tsukasa gave her make it seem like her punishment for not following his orders would be much more severe. hhhhh I really don’t like where this is going

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  WHAT THE HELL THIS THAT THING WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK OH MY GO D

“We’re gonna have you disappear now” okay so, yeah, he’s doing this specifically to upset his brother. the room is fucking sinking though and omfg what even is this room?? is it really a boundary? Since this happened at this very moment, it looks like they do control it so my questions from before remain, the biggest one being “how”. Also I’ve just noticed that the eyes all over the place are very similar to the ones in the broadcasting room and now this tells me that those weren’t an artistic choice and that is terrifying.

…………………..excuse me, w h a t??? why? hello??? “she’s like this sometimes” ????? Sakura what???? I have….so many questions, the main one being why do you let her treat you like this??

……………………………………...oh…..y’know, I hate the term simp with a passion because I feel like it’s been memed to death but wow.

Hhhhhhhh it looks like she can’t stop sinking and that (and the fucking eyes) tell me that this is not normal water (since she would have turned into a fish already). She’s yelling out for Hanako and that’s how the chapter ends. I’m still :)))))) concerned :))))))))

[pyroandtheprincess]

Hey y’all. I hope everyone’s well. Yes, I’d give my left foot for NaLu, but I’m multi ship garbage. You may or may not be aware that I post and reblog a lot of #kacchako on my page. I find them utterly adorable and I’ve been sitting on a few ideas with them for a while. I decided to finally put some of my thoughts into writing. This is the first part to one of the many mini stories I think of as I’m trying to sleep at night, and it just so happens to be pretty ~angsty~. What can I say, the quarantine has me in my feelings. I’m sorry, but I needed to release some of the tension. As with most of my writing, I didn’t feel like editing so please be kind. I hope you enjoy, but if you don’t that’s okay too. All the best and happy reading! 🥰

“Rookie Mistakes” (part 1/2)

They are fucked, royally fucked. As much as they both have trouble admitting it, they are in deep shit.

How could he have let this happen? How could either of them have let this happen? How could a routine stake out of a suspected hideout (a warehouse of course because villains aren’t creative or original) turn into something so out of his control? He is the fucking number two hero and his badass wife is number fucking eight. They own their own hero agency. They literally train rookies. Only rookies would make these kinds of mistakes. Fucking extras. How could they walk right into a trap? Are villains getting smarter? No. The hero’s who assigned them to this god forsaken mission just underestimated the powers of the new recruits in the this damn villain organization they are investigating. This fucker they are facing is totally not who they were expecting. A quirk that creates large puffs of air from blinking seems harmless until the “puffs” are actually razor sharp blades that are deadly accurate and fast as fuck. Well, atleast the fucking idiots were able to recognize his quirk comes from his fucking eyes! Fucking way to go! He should have done his own damn research. He and Ochako were completely blindsided and now they are scrambling to dodge him.

Once again, they are fucked.

They need to come up with a game plan and fast. Katsuki needs to find a way to pull Ochako away for a second so they can figure this shit out. As he just barely weaves out of the way from yet another blade of air flying past his face, he makes a split decision. Thinking on his feet, he sets off a chain reaction of smoke bombs in a move he calls “smoke screen” and tugs his wife behind a crate. The villain quickly moves to place his dumb looking, bulky sunglasses over his eyes and disappears into the black cloud.

They both take a moment to collect themselves before Ochako speaks up.

“This is bad, Katsuki. We need a plan or we are seriously fucked.” Ochako whispers as she peaks her head out from behind the crate to scope out the area still covered in a plume of smoke.

“No shit, Cheeks.” He whispers back. She glares at him briefly, letting his out burst slide knowing he is just frustrated with their performance thus far. “Any and all bright ideas are welcome.”

She sighs, “Ideas are still formulating. But, did you notice that his attacks don’t happen every time he blinks? Either he is controlling when they happen, or they are random.”

“Great.” Katsuki huffs, joining her in peaking over the crate. “We can’t fucking form a plan until we know if he is actually in control or not. If he isn’t we could take advantage and charge at him. But, if he is we need to strategize so we will be able to dodge and strike him down.”

She is quiet for a second before she responds, “You know, having been your partner since before we starting dating, coupled with the experience of being your wife these past 5 years, it still amazes me that you can actually control your impatience and plan out your attacks. Who could have guessed this from you after UA?”

“Oi. Not the time to be pushing my buttons.”

“You aren’t denying it,” He could hear her smug grin, and it almost made him crack a smile. Almost. “But, with what you said in mind, I think we can actually take advantage of either outcome. I noticed his attacks are linear, he can only target one of us at a time head on. I think our best option is to split up. I’ll take the left and you should take the right side of the floor. That way if he targets one of us, the other can take him down from behind-where he can’t actively project his quirk- before he can turn around.”

Katsuki couldn’t hold back his proud smirk, “Good eyes,” he pauses for a second, “We’ve been married for 6 years in 2 weeks.”

She looks at him briefly to playfully roll her eyes, “Technically, it’s still 5.” She shifts so she can lean her back against the crate and pulls him down to her eye level, all playfulness in her demeanor has shifted to steady focus. He loves when she gets serious.

“I also think he needs those ridiculous glasses to protect his eyes from anything entering them. Since they block his eyes, they must somehow be rigged to stop his quirk. That means if I’m right he can’t use it right now and we should definitely get going before the smoke’s all cleared.”

Her quick plan was definitely their best bet. Guess his gamble paid off in more ways than one. His grin widens at the exciting thought of the tides turning in his favor. He’s ready to kick ass.

“Let’s move.”

With that they nod to each other once and stealthily start moving toward the cloud of now semi disappearing smoke.

Katsuki slowly makes his way through the right side of the plume. Although it’s dissipating, it’s still too thick to see through. He’s grateful that his eyes are no longer sensitive to the burn of smoke after years of training. He sometimes thinks his tear ducts have been burned away after so many high heat explosions, only to remember his tears on his wedding day and when both his kids were born. Man, love has made him soft.

Suddenly he hears the distinct sound of cheap plastic (he blames his parents) falling and skipping across the concrete floor. That could mean only one thing, stupid looking sunglasses. Dumbass must have tripped! He reacts in the speed of a lightning strike, lifting his gauntlet and setting off an ear shattering explosion in the direction of the sound. The force of which blows the remaining screen away.

Lowering his arm, a triumphant smile on his face, pro hero Ground Zero fully expects his villain to be out cold in front of him, ready to be cuffed and sent to prison so he and Ochako could wrap up and get home. He couldn’t be more wrong.

Instead, in front of him stands a concrete pillar with a sizable chunk missing from it. Dust from the debris floats around taunting him. His blood boils.

His smile falls and he quickly turns around to face his opponent already looking at him with a sinister smile and a very dark look in his eye. Dumb sunglasses no longer on his person, thrown as an annoying clever decoy.

He had been fooled into clearing the rest of the smoke with another explosion. And now he is an open target.

“Fuck.” Is all Katsuki can mutter because in the blink of an eye, literally, blades shoot towards him.

“NO! KATSUKI!”

For the first time in Katsuki’s life, time moves in slow motion. He hears only the echos of his wife shrieking his name and his adrenaline pumping blood through his ears. With each beat of his pounding heart, Ochako’s frantic scream fades away until he is left with nothing but himself, this mother fucking villain, and the blades of air rushing toward him. It was as if they were transported somewhere else far away.

Katsuki was a very smart and observant man. These traits helped him become a great, no, a fucking great hero. He knew many things with certainty, two of which he could recognize now. The first blaringly obvious thing he knew was the two razor sharp blades of air barreling towards him were, without a doubt, moving at speed even his lighting fast reflexes wouldn’t be able to react to. There was no way in hell he could dodge them. With that being said, the second thing he knew was that if these blades hit him, which they most certainly would, he was going to die.

As the attack reaches the halfway point between him and his attacker, number 2 hero Ground Zero, Katsuki Bakugo, feels a wave of emotions crash into him that he can’t place. They are emotions so foreign, he wouldn’t be able to find their origin even if they were circled on a map for him. With them come a heavy dose of realization.

It’s over. All his hopes, all his plans for the future will never come to fruition. Being number one hero? Kiss that goodbye. Since he got his quirk he has been working to be at the very top. For years he has put his everything into being a hero. Blood, sweat, even fucking tears have been shead to get him to where he is. But as devastating as that is, it’s nothing is compared to when he thinks of his family.

He will never see his daughters smiling face again. He’ll never hold his son in his arms again. He will never get to tell or show Ochako how much he fucking loves her. Man, he really has gone soft, but his fucking pride or ego or whatever the hell can fuck off. All the people he loves are flashing before his eyes and sending a massive wave of sadness, regret, dread, fear, and, most damning of all, hopelessness, washing over him.

He is terrified and he is going to die.

Suddenly, he is doing the most cowardly thing he has ever done. His eyes are betraying him and beginning to close, not wanting to see his end coming. Not wanting it to be over with such a bright and happy future ahead of him. If he has to accept it, he doesn’t want to watch it leave. He just hopes that Ochako can forgive him and his young children will remember him.

But, just as his eyes are about to shut. They widen in surprise as he feels himself being slowly pushed out of the time warp and physically forced aside.

It’s her, it has to be.

Ochako’s shoulder slams into his side with the force of a freight train. Just as he begins falling he notices a piece of debris, with the help of zero gravity, hurtling towards the villain. It successfully smashes him in the middle of his face definitely breaking his nose and, based on the loud crack, potentially fractures his skull. He drops like a rock before Katsuki hits the ground.

Katsuki’s eyes flick over in time to see the blade hit Ochako. Blood splatters, floating around her as if she’d used her quirk on it. The force of the blow is enough to send her flying a few feet backwards and flip her body over mid air. The horrible sound that resonates after her impact with the floor signals real time again.

On the ground, his hip and shoulder throbbing, Katsuki’s heart is about to burst out of his chest with how fast it’s beating. He’s in shock and can hardly breathe, but he isn’t concerned about himself.

“Cheeks?!” He shoots upright, ignoring the feeling of bruises forming, and turns his head slightly to see his wife laying on her side with her back to him. There is blood along the ground, trailing to the pillar he had hit were a another sizable divot has made its place slashed into it. A small pool is already starting to form beneath her.

“No...no.” He says feebly.

He scrambles across the floor to her, turning her over to see the gash in her side and a split in her forehead from her impact with the floor. The sight hits Katsuki with another horrible hard to process feeling.

“Oh god, please no.” He rasps as he scoops her up and places her into his lap slightly upright so her head rests into the crook of his neck.

One of his hands cradles her head to and the other moves to apply pressure on the wound to her side. Blood sleeps through his gloved fingers. He can feel her breathing faintly against his neck, but that does nothing to ease his rising anxiety. He leans into her, maneuvering his head just above hers so that he can use his finger to press against his ear piece.

“SOMEONE SEND A MEDIC, URAVITY IS DOWN!” He bellows, “I REPEAT, GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE NOW!”

He let’s go of the button and instantly gets feedback that help is on the way. A small amount of relief washes over him, but his breath is stolen by the sound he hears next.

“Kat-suki?” A weak, garbly voice asks. The voice of an angel.

“Ochako!” A relieved smile creeps on to his face as he cups her cheek, “Oh thank fucking god! Hey look at me, keep talking to me,” he moves her face so she can look at him with glassy brown eyes.

“You... You okay?” She slurs, “Where’s the vill-?” She moves to sit up, but Katsuki stops her, applying more pressure to her side which causes her to wince.

His smile falters, “Hey, don’t move tiger. Don’t worry about him, you already took him out remember? Just keep your eyes open and keep talking to me.”

“I...did?” Her eye brows crease in confusion. She’s not fully with it right now, he can tell by the look in her eye. Her rosy cheeks are starting to lose their color. His fear is settling in.

Memory loss? Not good. She’s losing to much blood and she definitely has a concussion. If Katsuki wasn’t concerned before, he is about to freak out now. He is reminded once again of his tear ducts existence, but he needs to stay calm and strong for her. He has never been the best rescue hero but he certainly is not the stupid kid he used to be. He can feel her sinking deeper into his embrace, and her eyes are getting droopier by the second, where the hell is this back up?

“‘Chaks what are our kid’s names?” He knows he needs to keep her awake and talking.

“This... hurts.” she says grabbing weakly on to his arm applying pressure to her side. She’s not listening, his eyes are watering now.

“Ochako,” he pleads placing his forehead against hers and squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks, “Please, talk with me. What are y-our babies names? Tell me.”

“Katsuki...”

“No that’s my n-“ his voice cracks and she stops him with gentle carcass to his face. Her hands are trembling.

She whispers something he can’t quite make out and then her hand falls limply to the floor just as the steel doors fly open.

Katsuki doesn’t sleep that night.

————————- end of part 1 of 2