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shay11a · 5 years ago

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New Rules, an overly long review

Alright, let’s do this.

I’ll just start with a little disclaimer that english is not my first language and although I’m usually fluent-ish some of my sentences might not translate very well from french, so please bear with me. Also this i like barely edited so sorry about the mistakes.

I’m here to talk about my favorite fanfiction, not only in this fandom, but in all fandom (and trust me, I’m a part of a lot of fandoms), and of all the fanfictions I’ve ever read (and trust me I’ve read a lot) : New Rules by the amazing @tayegi

The first time I read, I binge read it, but make no mistake, I don’t mean that I rushed though the story in one day, oh no, I mean I couldn’t do anything else, every minute of my day that I wasn’t in class or adulting, I was reading it, but it’s one of those rare fictions where I knew I was reading something just that good that I needed to make it last as much as possible. Imagine my struggle, balancing the need to know what was going to happen next and my visceral need to make it last as much as possible because I knew I could never experience this first reading again.

That’s how much I love this story.

Unfortunetaly, there came a time I caught up.

So I re-read it.

Again.

And Again.

To this day, I often come back to it, re-reading entirely or picking up at any point to enjoy again a moment that I particularly like. I do this often with fiction I particularly liked, but one thing that I find amazing with NR is that, contrary to most fic, no matter where I pick up, I know what is happening, what happened before that, because the plot is just so wonderfully crafted that everything has consequences, every character is relevant and their actions have consequences that they are held accountable to by the plot (dunno is this makes sense but it does in my native language sorry) I regret not posting a review under every chapter as I read, it was selfish on my part, but I needed to continue, I have some notes from this review at the end but they lack the specificity of first impressions, I apologize for that.

I also have to mention that this review is NOT spoiler free so if you want to read it please, PLEASE New Rules before that there is absolutely NO way that you won’t thank me (and Tayegi of course) afterwards, and don’t ‘I don’t mind spoilers’ me this story DESERVES to be read spoiler free.

Alright, buckle up kiddos, let’s do this.

I. The writing

The way the plot unveils is downright cathartic. I recently re-read it entirely to make this review and going back to the first chapters and seing how everything just MAKES SENSE and how a small thing happening has consequences over everything later. Just HUH brilliant. (I’m thinking about OC’s crush on Jimin here and how through the prism of Mijoo we later see that her crush was her projecting // Jin, now THAT’S WRITING)

The smut, how do I put it, is bomb but it doesn’t feel like smut smut, it feels like actual sex described, not idealized and in my opinion it just adds to the quality of the story, because sex is an essential part of the story, not something added to satiate the hormones of horny readers (as an ex-horny teenager, I want to thank people writing this kind of smut and say that there is nothing wrong with writing this kind of smut) or just for the sake of it because apparently having sex is the culminating point of a relationship. Sex scenes tell a story as much as argument scenes, if not more. First, because as a sex friends to lover AU (smh) it is inherently part of the story but also because the characters don’t just stop having a backstory, emotions and emotional baggage when they have sex, all those things are still present and they influence the way they act in bed. And THAT is satisfying to read.

On many occasions, in the fanfic writing community, you can hear (read?) people saying, « this fiction could / should be published like an actual book » I’m not here to further the debate on real literature, fanfiction and so what not, but this fiction is one that, more importantly than it being published, I feel like I could study in english class, take an extract and study the amazing characterization, how the scene furthers the plot, what are the literary devices used to do so. I feel like I could study the running metaphors, the sub plots and how they correlate so well to the main plot and further the characterization of a character, the plot itself or something else. Everything feels like a neatly knitted masterpiece.

In that aspect, one scene that I particularly liked was the one where OC is hidden listening to JK and Hyejin, and as she hears what he says, she crushes the rose in her hand. It’s such a simple and yet telling idea: her bourgeoning love and hope for a romantic relationship symbolized by the ultimate romantic symbol : a rose, and JK’s words make her try and crush those feelings, but she hurts herself doing so, because the action itself is a painful one — trying to refrain hope / trying to suffocate feelings — but also because love, just like roses has thorns that may hurt, that’s why JK is so afraid of committing it seems, and the irony is that he is doing exactly that to someone else. (My explanation is so messy plfnmesdmflfmqf sorry)

One recurring idea/plot device that I have noticed is the one of misunderstanding / misreading each others. OC and JK constantly misread each others (I’m thinking about the scene in the bar where she rubs his back affectionately and he interprets it in a sexual way) and idk but something about this really hits me hard, because it’s human, so inherently human, this makes the characters feel like human beings not fictional archetypes. Because in real life, we can’t take a step back and have a view of the bigger picture the way we can as an omniscient reader who remembers very well what one said or did earlier that explains their behavior. In real life we dont know and cannot guess why people act a certain way based on some hinted at tragic backstory that would explain their commitment issues.

On a lighter note, the writing is just so freaking FUNNY, like I can’t count how many times I cackled like an idiot reading. + Tayegi has a way of cutting from scenes to scenes or from dialogue to dialogue that is just so FUNNY (if it was a movie I would talk about editing because it’s exactly how it feels, like when you got A saying ‘I will never do that’ and it cuts and the next frame is A doing exactly that)

More on the writing in the notes for every chapter further below.

II. Feminism, social justice and me relating to everything

Ok this part is going to be a bit more personal but I had to address how much main girl and her struggles resonated with me. As a feminist myself I VERY often struggles with the same problem : that is when my beliefs come brutally crashing with the social constructs I have internalized and have yet to deconstruct as well as the people surrounded me who don’t necessarily share the same belief. And the way Tayegi portrayed this is spot on not to say borderline genius.

Her mixed feelings when facing Hoseok « not like other girls » comments or the conversation where she struggles to explain why she is fucking the notorious fuckboy despite her talks about hook-up culture were punches in the guts to me, because feminists are always the ones to be criticized the most easily (I am aware that my phrasing here is horrendous but I don’t know how to word this differently again sorry English is not my native language) and the slightest slip-up will be pointed at by people who aren’t even feminist but see an easy way to gaslight them. So, to read this, to read another woman facing the same situations and being as utterly upset and sometime powerless as I felt, god was it cathartic.

And don’t get me started on the way she always ALWAYS sticks by her principles of sorority, even to the women that have been nothing less than mean to her and how hard it is to support other women when we live in a society that always pit women against each others. I FELT that. But nevertheless main girl tries to, she compliments Somin on her dress, Hiejin as well even though they both have been openly hostile (and even mean sometimes) to her. I truly felt this, all theses little moments, just a sentence here and there, but I felt them in my guts.

III. The characters

The characters, oh god, the characters. OC ? Marry me. JK? Marry me (also I want to slap him but it’s another story). Taehyung ? Marry me. Mijoo? Marry me.

The relationship between OC and her BFF is in my opinion one of the best thing about the pic and one that really remarks it from other, the twist about twist alsmot made me believe it would be like every other pic where oc ends up with virtually no friend (especially female ones because like everyone know girls cause drama riiiight ) but it happens so early ? How could it ooooh it’s not like that, OC and her BFF and mature enough to discuss it, it still has consequences, the scene where OC accuses BFF of pushing her onto Jk to make herself feel better about jimmy still gives me chills because, yeah, it makes sens that she would, and it kinda feels like she did with how insistant she has been, but again, we are told the story from OC’s perspective, so obviously she feels bad when BFF insists that her and JK are meant to be bc she knows that JK wouldn’t date her, but again, as readers, we can kinda see from BFF perspective, they indeed look perfect for one another and only misunderstanding and insecurities and Jk’s past seems to be in the way (okay granted when you say it like that it seems like a lot), but in the end, Mijoo also seems genuine in the way she pushes them together, even though, yeah she might have, consciously or not done it for that reason.

i don’t know if I want a happy ending for OC and JK, I want one because they are so good and sweet together and after everything they’ve been through I feel like they sort of deserve it, but after everything they’ve been through, especially the way JK has behaved, it seems hard for a happy ending to happen. I feel like it’s going to take a lot of time and talking (including his backstory that has been hinted at a few times wink wink) for them to work things out, if they work things out.

I’ve mentioned that before but : THE SORORITY oh lord where do I start? OC standing up for Hyejin and Somin even when they had a few rough patches, sign me the fuck UP. OC not turning totally on her best friend Mijoo (my girl btw) and overlooking their friendship and what she had done for her in the time of Jin because Mijoo made a selfish mistake ? Yes please, MORE.

Hoseok is, in my opinion, spot ON. It took me some time to exactly pin point who he reminded me of but then I realized he is exactly what I call the 'apolitical guy’, who is convinced to not have controversial opinion and would deny ever having prejudice when he clearly has (i.e. the scene where Oc calls him out on his misogynie

I have to admit that Hyejin and Somin are amongst my favorites because even though the plot (and the fact that we are basically supposed to be on OC’s side as the story is told from her perspective) makes them very unsympathetic, your writing allows us to understand their actions and empathize with them. Learning about Hyejin’s past with JK makes her look like the character of a fan fiction where she could have been the main character unfortunately for her, this is OC’s story so Hyejin can’t get the guy in the end. But truly, her backstory feels like an entire other ff in the story and to be honest basically every other character’s backstory as well as the subplots feel this way. And Somin, well Somin is basically going through the same thing as OC but with Hoseok so how can we mock her for it while crying for OC ? That’s impossible and that’s why your writing is so powerful, there is no clear ‘bad guy’ (appart from J*n but who cares about that roquefort face) and everyone is in that gray, humane area.

Every character has so many layer (I don’t count JK and OC in this because at this point we can’t talk about layers anymore it’s a damn millefeuille) and getting to discover more about them is amazing.

Basically, every side character reflects something on OC and JK and further the plot, the themes while feeling like their own individuals with their own complex thoughts and problems and I think that’s fucking brilliant.

And now onto my notes for every chapter (it’s low-key very messy sorry)

Chapter 1 :

Lord to thing that it started with a simple friend request :’)

I love how in the very first line, OC telling Mijoo how she knows JK instantly characterizes him to the reader, it’s smart BUT also characterize OC as someone quick witted and serious/professional but also very sarcastic, funny and taking no shit from anyone. Incipit done well here. I mean, so much exposition is crammed into the very first lines but it just feels soooo natural!

I also love how the dynamic between Mijoo and OC can appear « basic » but will later be revealed to be so much more complex and profound and that’s basically how everything in this fic just keep getting better and more complex as you read.

Also, I love how OC and JK’s first encounter is because they are both trying to help their best friends, I missed it in the first reading but it’s so telling of their characters. Also I appreciate OC not hating on JK just because she hates him from afar and he suddenly notices her and gets turned on by that (like in a lot of ff let’s not lie, I love myself some bad boy!AU but it’s getting redundant), she genuinely seems to not give a fuck about him and it’s so funny to me somehow, my girl just minding her business, getting her straight A’s and doing charity work, we stan. Also, the entire part where they complain about Jimin and Mijoo is downright hilarious

I really like the way JK says the poetry assignment is easy, hinting at the fact that he is, in fact, not a stupid fuckboi cliché (+ what happens with their presentation and him working his BUTT of)

The entire part where OC and Jk act like they are together is so DAMN FUNNY but at the same time it just shows that they have great chemistry from the get go and I love that. (But seriously it’s so f*ing funny)

I love they way OC’s crush on Jimin is brought up, it’s not outwardly said, but the way he is described form her pov makes it obvious and her helplessness when looking at him and Mijoo is just so heartbreaking (+ getting to me on a personal level since I’ve been in a very similar situation for years so :))) like, you can feel that she doesn’t want to be feeling this way, and is obviously trying to help her BFF and be selfless but cannot help but feel jealousy.+ JK immediately catching up on her crush, showing he is more observant than you’d think.

JK and OC being dumb & dumber AND partner in crime is everything I’ve ever wanted

The description of the feeling of loneliness post-parties is so accurate, and the way she feels is so relatable and heartbreaking.

The part about anguish and the way she feels suffocated by her feminine attire got to me and honestly I got really close to cryingThe end of the chapter upsets me in the best way, to see JK be so oblivious to how vulnerable and lonely OC is, man it really makes the entire thing so much more gutswrenching.

Highlights (basically lines that made me laugh or that I find particularly well written) :

“then I don’t know why he’s friended you”

“should I block him too?”

“can you get you get more obvious without tattooing ‘Park Jimin’ on your ass? It’s obvious he owns it anyways”

“why does this kid has so many shirtless selfies”

“it’s like this boy is like a walking cliché of the world’s most basic fuckboi” I see what you did here ;)))

“Ah… you knew?” The way I laugh EVERY time at this line

“Would you be really mad at me if I poured this all over your boobs?“ alkfnenfmefnkgjh Mijoo is my queen

“try her ass instead” JK you absolute moron genius

“Mijoo as been trying to get you laid since freshman” I looove how this just sounds so random and plays into the cliché of the extroverted BFF trying to drag OC to parties and get her laid but with OC’s backstory // Jin it makes SO much more sense

“I won’t feed you lies” he, said, you know, like a liar.

“Your worth as a woman isn’t defined by your purity or whatever bullshit” love the hint at the later reveal that JK is, indeed, a woke king. We stan

“But unfortunately, you aren't the altruistic saint you wish you could be. You suffer from the same human emotions that plague everyone. And they aren't pretty.Despite what the artists and poets claim, the world works in a logical way. It's a simple mathematical formula. Girls like Mijoo end up with their princes. And you remain a bitter stepsister, helpless but to watch their happily ever after from a distance. One that you'll never achieve.” God that part....

“Here is a man who actually wants you. Not you, but your body, a little voice in the back of your head reminds you. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that someone might actually desire you… ... He feels so thick inside of you that for a moment, the hole in your chest is filled” This is what I mean when I say that the smut in this story makes SENSE

“You wish you could cling onto this feeling forever so you'll never feel empty again.” The way this scene is supposed to be all smut sexy time but it is actually one of the most emotionally packaged and heart wrenching scene, really I can’t with your writing </333

“He grins at that, "I thought you knew me better than to take anything I said seriously?“Jk you manipulative mf I hate your fuckboi ass

"Ugh, please don't tell me you're a cuddler," you grumble as you twist in his embrace. "I'm not," he denies, but the way he buries his nose in your hair says otherwise, "And don't think about asking me to stay the night, because I'm not that kind of guy." The dynamic of the entire duo summed up in one paragraph

Chapter 2 :

The moment she reassures Mijoo and see what she is missing is :((

I remember than the first time I read new rules and feminist JK came clean I was honestly shocked (years of being guarded around men’s misoginy and fake feminism I guess) but re-reading it, it’s so nice to see the hints everywhere that he genuinely is and it warms my heart.

The convo JK and OC have about relationships and meaningless sex is not only such a good foreshadowing of the problems they will face later when it comes to coming clean about both their feelings (looking at you JK you moron) but also such a relatable feeling of ‘I know I said men are trash but I’m still vaguely heterosexual and would really like to believe that some aren’t and I know it sounds like I’m reassuring myself and honestly I am because it’s starting to become hard to really believe that’

The twits oh god the TWIST!!! The heartbreak it gave me, I was going to put some sentences in the highlights but honestly I almost ended up putting the entire scene so I gave in but it’s just so well written and nerve wracking to see what could have been and to realize that the friend that OC has been putting so much effort into helping betrayed her. Like, I can emphasis enough how much I cried reading this, considering I have been in a very similar situation, and that’s probably why this struck a chord so powerfully but wow.

The blowjob scene is simply another brilliant double meaning smut scene, the way OC is trying to regain control over something, someone, even if it’s not the one she wants, the way she makes him beg to hear compliments, heartbreaking (I know I’ve said this word like a million time and we’re just on chapter 2 but your writing really is something else)

The scene where she confronts Mijoo is in my opinion one of the BEST I have ever read, the way you can feel her heartbreak and her powerlessness but also the maturity she exudes, the way she tries to be the bigger person and do what’s right, lord I see myself here and it fucking hurts.

“He really likes you, Mijoo. Don’t let him slip away… You’ll only regret it.” The double meaning that applies to OC here is killing me

“On any other day, this is the kind of party you would protest, running around with a half dozen other of your feminist friends as you collect signatures for a boycott.” <3

“Wait… what makes you think that we’re supposed to be the hoes?” <3 <3

“Yeah. You really do.” Jk sometimes I really like you

“No, sweetheart. You’re the childish one for not being able to accept grown up emotions. Why is falling in love and caring for someone outside of their physical appearance so shameful to you? You need to grow the fuck up and realize that feeling for another human being does not make you weak.”<3 <3 <3

“Frat brothers are despicable…except this one, of course.” Absolutely love how first reading makes it sound like her crush is speaking and second reading shows her idealization of him here

“You swallow the lump in your throat. It would be one thing to see them wildly making out or grinding in the mosh pit like all the other horny kids. But to see them so enveloped in each other, content to just hug for the rest of the night… It hurts you more than you can express. You’d rather walk in on them fucking. This display of the purest affection… No one has ever held you like that before.You’re jealous. It’s shameful how horrendously jealous you are.”</3

“You need me?” you repeat in a small voice.” OC baby I get you I love you and you deserve th world ;(( </3

“You feel like such a villain, grilling this angel and making her upset. It’s such an irritating feeling, but you can’t choke it back.“It’s not like I liked him anyways…” Lord what have you done to my heart and I think it’s my favorite sentence in the entire story !

Chapter 3 :

OC protecting and looking out for Yerin is just so adorable I CAN’T

The discussion with Hyejin, the foreshadowing!!!!!!!

The way OC is self-aware and thinks JK only wants her body (and at the time it was highly likely) just makes the scene that much more heartbreaking, which makes me realize that all the smut scene up until now have been that way.

The entire chapter feels like a BIG call out to me thanks for that I guess. (I’m kidding it was wonderful and actually got me reflecting a lot on my habits and self deprecation)

“the ugly cage around your heart loosen a bit”

“Wow, your fungal cream is so nice. I hope you get that infection checked out." We love a considerate and caring man

“You would take this over the hollowness in your chest. You would gladly take the meaningless sex, the hard pounding of your pussy without a single gesture of affection. Who needs an emotional connection when you can have the pain beat out of you? Who needs someone to like you when you have someone to use you?” No words.

Chapter 4 :

I don’t know if I said that already but I just looooove the way you sprinkle hints here and here about everything ! Foreshadowing events and future revelations it’s just so nice to read and makes second (and third, and fourth) reading sooooo much more entraining and satisfying <3333. Like Oc and Mijoo are drunk and we get a snip at what happened freshman year, there were other hints previously but this just makes the reader WANT to know what the f* went down. And it makes up for Mijoo betrayal, it’s a nice way of explaining why OC « brushed » over her betrayal, we know that she was there in such a hard time for OC and yes it really builds the suspense around that whilst portraying Mijoo as more than the fake BFF who betrayed, I love that.

I love the way you use the word ‘ugly’ and how it’s very often associated with jealousy.

I want to address how much I adore your side characters and sub-plots. Like all of them are so likable (even Somin) and feel like genuine people with their own complex thoughts, seriously your characterization is out of this world! (special shout-out to Yoongi who is spot-ON imo). Like, I want to hangout with these people and be their friends.

ALso I feel like we are really starting to see Jk and OC’s chemistry (unrelated to being evil little matchmaker) and it’s SOOOOOO good, it feels so natural and seeing them slowly slide into a romantic relationship (don’t tell Jk) seems like the most natural thing (+ everyone thinking they are actually together and honestly they are)

"Hey so you like kick around a ball or whatever?" I love your humor I genuinely laughed at this

"Balls?" he says pointedly.” Same here

"Who are you talking about?" Jungkook asks in confusion, "I don't have a—ah you mean ___?" You sure didn’t think for long jk 👀👀and you didn’t even deny it 👀👀👀and you came as soon as being asked 👀👀👀👀👀👀sus

"Beats me," he whispers back, "I didn't even know we had a soccer team until this week!"LMAOOOOOOOOO

Chapter 5 :

The foreshadowing with Bang telling JK he is worried about his performance !! That’s why I love this fic so much! EVERYTHING is here, nothing happens out of the blue, you just have to pay attention to things to see things coming and not in a predictable but rather gratifying way.

The scene where OC hugs JK ? a masterpiece. I don’t know what more to say about it, it’s one of those things that touch on such a level that deconstructing it feels impossible and would break the spell, the intimacy I felt between the two of them and the stark contrast with Hyejin are perfect to characterize their relationship. Feels natural behind closed doors but lacking the words to clarify what they are, especially when faced with other people, and themselves. I L O V E it.

“you watch Taehyung roll around in the grass with his high-tech camera” don’t know why this is so funny to me but it is

"Are we not speaking the same language right now?!" Jungkook barks into the receiver, "Are you fucking high?" The fact that he barks it makes it even funnier

Chapter 6 :

Oc’s conversation with Taehyung about hookup culture (and her behavior at large) just SCREAM ‘I have had such a terrible experience with love before that I cannot even begin to think about letting it happen again otherwise I will never love again’ and it HURTS. But! The way she approaches things with such maturity and is so in touch with her feelings is simply admirable.

When OC is caught between Hoseok and JK at the party !!! It’s so frustrating but in the best way possible because they got soooo close to actually talking things out clearly and making things better but their pride and whatever got in the way and we know it! JK and Oc I love y’all but also you’re so stupid. (Also it’s exactly what I was talking about in my ‘misunderstanding each others’ part. I feel like this is during this chapter that they really start to fuck up the communication because that’s the chapter where it becomes abundantly clear that feeeeelings are starting to get into the mix, they both try to distract themselves (unconsciously or not) with someone else, HYejin and Hoseok, and miserably fails.

Also the domesticity!! That’s cute and fluffy and I’m blushing like I’m 12 year old again.

“You’re right, » he says « I have to get more creative” I have said that Taehyung is hands down the funniest character here ?

"I want someone to choose me," you admit in a small voice, "I want someone to fall for my personality—to love me because of my hot temper and annoying disobedience, not in spite of it. I want this person to be surrounded by prettier, nicer, sweeter girls, but still seek me out… I'd rather them fall for my personality first, then settle for superficial traits like my lacking appearance… Is that really too much to ask?" Once again, thanks for calling me out also I’m crying this is one of the best paragraphs you have written

“He's like a character from a 1950's romance novel stepped off the page” Oc sweetheart remember something else about the 50’s 👀👀 Like ... the sexism ?

“The moon is high in the sky at this point of night, not shrouded by dark clouds for once, and illuminating the entire rooftop with its luminous silvery gleam. But for some reason, it seems like all the moonlight concentrates into a single beam on Hoseok, surrounding him in a brilliant white halo. You swallow tightly and drop your gaze as though burned.” The imagery here is beautiful and I like that you associated him with the moon when he is usually the sun

"Oh, honey… You don't have to pretend to be strong in front of me." And there goes my heart.

"Did you think I was going to let her sleep on the streets or something?" is his sarcastic reply.You roll your eyes, "Thanks, Yoongi." We love character development (their friendship is so endearingly funny)

"Right… But um… what happened after the game on Saturday… uh…" A blush suddenly suffuses his cheeks, coloring his skin a lovely shade of rose, "I… I just wanted to—""Ah, that's right. There's another game next week," you hastily steer the conversation away, terrified by what he might say. "Don't worry, I'll be there too. I really need to start writing this article.""Oh, right… That's exactly what I was going to say," he says, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.” I want to slap some sense in these idiots’ heads

"Yeah, but the problem is that I don’t want to." I am S C R E E C H I N G

Chapter 7 :

The scene where they wake up together and he smiles and calls her pretty and the misunderstanding scene makes me want to slap them you belated idiots

SO MUCH things happen in this chapter and I think it’s one of my favorite!! I have to say that the scene where OC protests against the date auction and faces the resistance of her sorority hit close to home. It’s always so heartbreaking to see fellow girls complying to sexism.

Also also, feminist JK keeps me up at night. Fuck yeah. (You know the lisa simpson meme with the orange juice, that’s me with feminist JK, give me MORE of that.

Also, her performance : I C O N I C

"You're just exclusive fuck buddies… Even though you don't do casual sex and Jungkook doesn't do exclusive. It totally doesn't feel like you're hiding your feelings." My thought exactly Mijoo

“Staying so guarded might protect you from pain… But it'll also protect you from any happiness." *Slow clapping*

“Why would you go for someone who doesn't see your worth? You deserve to be with someone picks you out in a sea of people. Who likes you the best." 👀👀👀

"…Do not resuscitate… Got it," you solemnly note.” You’re so funnyykekzldk

“You aggressively bid from backstage, even as Taehyung motions for you to get lost” I laughed out loud at this

« sold » HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJIfhehfqenfoneqlfnqdkfncqefnlmzfkbnrdbfksvm kjnefkenfe hAAAAH ????!!! flefnekf HIIII ç!!!!ç!uj

Chapter 8 :

I’m sorry there is not much commentary about this one but I can for the life of me read it with a critical eye since I’m too caught up in the suspense and the fact that a million things are happening, the only thing I can think about is that your fiction, although it is a college AU is so versatile and you touch on so many other genre (here : sport) and manage to successfully make every single one enthralling and further your plot!

“Maybe if I had lost, you would've hugged me again." HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIJZKELMLDIZPEKDLEBDLLDKKEJ

"Please, ___. Please don't go."But sheer panic flashes in his eyes when you attempt to shake him loose. "Don't leave me," he croaks out in desperation, "Please, ___. Don't leave me…"Not like she did." Don’t think I’m not seeing what you’re doing here 👀👀

Chapter 9 :

I feel high-key stupid because that’s like the 6th time I read New rules but I just realized that there might be a parallel going on between Jk and OC’s story, it’s obvious with the hints that you’ve sprinkled that something bad happened with JK’s past girlfriend but it’s just now re-reading Oc’s backstory with Jin that I realize that JK might have been in the ‘fucking around to get back/over his ex’ stage of his breakup like OC in the summer Freshman year, which led to him having his fuckboy reputation despite not ‘really’ being one (i.e. him saying that he hates hookup culture when Oc talks about her story)

Also, empathetic, feminist and understanding men make me w*t.

"Yes," he says, a smile tugging at his lips, "Yes, you did." I sEE YOU

"I don't know what goes through that fantastical imagination of yours” This might be my favorite line ever

“But you don't move one inch. Because you know Jungkook better than that.” Aaaawwwwwwww

Chapter 10 :

This is some greek tragedy shit right here. Mijoo trying to push OC and Jk because she feels guilty about JImin (she way you write it makes it seem so believable but I can’t decide if it’s true or not because we are seeing Oc’s perspective here and she knows she actually crushed on Jimin while Mijoo doesn’t, which would be a huge factor in her pushing OC towards JK) and also because she is the only one with a brain? Oc refusing to believe it and opposing semi-logical semi-bullshit arguments to convince Mijoo and even more herself that this isn’t happening because she heard JK talking to Hyejin ? Jk saying that because he’s an insecure asshole (and also very probably because of his ex girlfriend wink wink) whilst acting like the most belated man, ever ? Na a TRAGEDY!!!!!

Also, the entire speech that Mijoo gives, everything she says ???? A punch to the GUTS! ! !

THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER THEY CONSTANTLY THINK THE WRONG THING I WANT TO TIE THEM TO A CHAIR AND FORCE THEM TO ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (in a oh god HOW are they going to fix this and finally come to an understanding of each other kind of way)

He finally breathes when she says his name I’m :(((((((((

“it wasn’t fun” Love how this simple line implies that Mijoo and Jimin have problems and arguments of their own and makes them feel like human beings who have a life outside of the story.

“Or was your image of him so perfect and unrealistic that you couldn't tolerate these humanizing details?" Ouch!

"You're only pushing Jungkook on me to ease your guilt for stealing Jimin away from me!" I don’t have the words to explain the way I felt when I first read this line except : oh fuck. Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps.

"I like him," you abruptly confess, your soft voice breaking through the tense silence the same way the brilliant meteors abruptly burst across the darkness of night. "I like him so much." Masterpiece

“It's equally horrifying and an absolute relief to finally admit this deeply harbored secret after so long. After all these months of repression, it feels like a dam has burst with the way your emotions come tumbling out, threatening to choke you and sweep you underwater.” I said MASTERPIECE ! !

“Mijoo," you gasp, "What do I do?" Im crying. This isn’t a figure of speech. This isn’t an exaggeration. I’m crying. This entire scene is so powerful

“You know your role. You're just the side character—the best friend or comic relief. You have no right to even dream about a life by Jungkook's side—much less to feel this amount of pain and jealousy seeing him with another girl” .... talk about being relatable

“The loud electronic beat is pulsing through your veins with the same painful intensity of the tequila beating against the soft tissue of your brain. You feel like you’re being consumed by the powerful sensations… and yet, it's not enough to protect you from the helpless thoughts drifting across your mind, no matter how much you try to ward them back.” You really shine when it comes to making me cry

"Can't you just let me be petty and sulk for once?" Baby :(

“How could you have misinterpreted the situation so horrifically?” Well we have this saying in French that goes : love makes you fucking blind

“At this point of night, the moon has fully risen overhead, and its silvery rays cast down across the ocean, illuminating everything in white-gold. Awed, you can't help admiring the way the moonbeams kiss the top of Jungkook's black hair and the angles of his face, sheathing his figure like a cold halo.The waves continue to beat against the sandy beach like clockwork, and you sway with them, as though lost in a rhythmic dance lulled by the force of the moon. Your thundering pulse acts as a metronome in this dance, pounding away at a dozen beats per each drag across the shore. You are cold. So cold that you've lost all feeling in your hands and legs. But for some reason, you don't feel the need to shiver anymore.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Could it have possibly been a defense mechanism? Was he just trying to protect himself in advance?” We are making PROGRESS

"Why is everything about sex with you?" HE SAID! AS IF HE WANS’T ABOUT TO DO WHAT HE IS AVOUT TO DO AND MAKE IT ABOUT SEX I HATE THIS MF

Chapter 11 :

My heart is non existent.The way Oc swallows her feelings to protect Yerin and stands up for her ❤️

I want to thank you for introducing a gay character in your story also Yoongi is one of the most interesting character in the story.

The way everything is slowly coming to a conclusion and every piece of the puzzle settles in the right place is so damn satisfying UGH

The scene where OC confronts Jk is so fucking satisfying, a masterpiece, 10/10, everything I wanted to hear come out of her mouth, my girl knows what’s up and won’t let this fucker get away with it.

"I've told you since day one that I'm not that kind of guy. God, can you even imagine me in a relationship?" he says with a derisive snort that feels like a punch to your stomach, "Did you honestly think that you could trap me into one with sex, ___? Or with a kiss? Come on. Get real." Your insecurities are showing asshole

"I hope you get over this soon, ___," he tells you in a sincere tone, "So we can get back to the way things were." Fight me in a parking lot salopard de merde

“Well, at least you've learned your lesson now.” I had to take a pause after this part

"What if they were my parents?" he asks in a quiet voice, "My siblings? My community back home? The people I love most in this world? What would you have me do then?" As a closeted bisexual this one hit close to home

“But Yoongi turns to you with an incredulous look, "You can't be serious. Anyone with eyes could tell that Kook is completely whipped for you. Where is this coming from?” Yoongi is my man

"You're a fucking coward." My thoughts exactly

Chapter 12 :

Getting through this chapter without crying is genuinely hard..All the girls standing up for themselves and not taking shit for the shitty men in their lives ???? YES PLEAse. And thank you for not only that but also including the girls that the story pushed us not to like that much up until now like Hyejin and Somin when really they were going through the same things as the holy trinity of best girls OC, Mijoo and Yerin.

I have… mixed feelings and I feel like these feelings are exactly what OC has been feeling all along with the conflict between her beliefs and her heart. I wanted them to go through this and by being « willing » JK would have eventually just realized everything and stuff because I love romance and shit. But I also want OC to get what she deserves, and it’s not that. I want them to have this happy ever after end but I feel like we won’t get that before long because as Hyejin pointed out, JK clearly needs to grow the fuck up.

"Oh, ___," she sighs your name.” Don’t mind me I’ll be crying over there

“For a split second, you consider feigning ignorance. It would be so damn easy to laugh along with him and continue living this lie of being the cool, sporty tomboy who doesn't care about stupid "girly" things. After all, Hoseok isn't a bad guy. He's so handsome, popular, and kind. And he likes you. Someone actually likes you. Isn't that better than being alone? For a split second, you're tempted to grab his hand and flash him an award-winning smile. For a split second, you contemplate giving up all your morals and living a life of comfort with this lovely, charismatic man.” I love you so much for writing this

"Sexist?" he repeats in horror, "The fuck are you talking about?! I'm no sexist!" You’ve perfectly channeled the and OC’s entire speech to him should be taught in school

"We're just in different places right now," you inform him in a small voice, "It'll never work out, so please don't make this harder than it needs to be." I’m dying but also proud, producing

"I think I'll channel Somin and cut the toxicity out of my life." Attagirl

To wrap up this overly long review, I want to say thank you to Tayegi for writing this piece and feeling generous enough to share it with us, reading this story and seeing the plot unravel, characters be introduced and developed was a true privilege. I rarely connect with the « reader » in reader fics and just say a random name in my head (or even 'your name ») but here, here… Never have I been so close to actually feeling like I’m the one in the fiction, not for the romance but for the way she is portrayed, for her ideas and how hard it is to stand by them sometimes, for her past and traumas. New rules is a masterpiece, and the fact that I connected to it on such a personal level, which, arguably could cloud my judgement, doesn’t make it any less.

#BTS jungkook #jeon jungkook #jeongguk #jungkook #jk #bts fanfic #fanfic review #New rules #god I finally finished this #I feel strangely nostalgic because I read this ff when I was in a really bad place and it resonated with me on so many levels #like it brought me comfort and to finish this feels like closure even though it's not even finished #it's like finishing harry potter all over again gosh #please read it :(((#I never see Tayegi and her amazing work in people pic recs and like recommandations it makes so sad she is the most talented person #I have been a silent reader for too long it was my way of compensating for that #Tayegi if you're reading this tags don't stress over updating this isn't about making you post faster this is me thanking you

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nobody-knose--archive · 4 years ago

Text

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night

#tally hall #loolin liveblogs #joe is mentioned sometimes but not by name fyi #tis i #as usual it's recommended that you listen to the album in question as you read to get a better idea of the context #because 9 times out of 10 i won't tell you it #i feel like i come off as slightly negative for much of this. what can i say complete demos is an album of amateur demos #the songs aren't as good as their later counterparts by nature & that's all i ever have to say #to the world and back again

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bakugou-tm · 5 years ago

Text

Fall Feels

@bnha-halloween2019 | Day 3 & 5: Thunder Storm/Pumpkin Patch | Bakugou x Reader | Teen | Cursing

Hello there, I finally have got all my drafts down for the Halloween Writing Challenges :’) So since I’m late and very busy, I won’t be able to get to every single day so I’m just going to combine a few days and make longer fics to make up for it. Quality over quantity am I right? (and I’m just a lazy busy ass) Anyways here’s some fluffy fluff fluff for my first submission, enjoy!

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Honestly this place was Bakugou’s worst nightmare.

Children running around screaming and fighting over which pumpkin is their’s, pumpkins large and small littered all over the floor with little to no room at all to even walk, sweltering heat that would barely be classified as offering “shade” to those at the patch.

And worst of all, parents forcing their children to wear shitty costumes and take pictures on the uncomfortable pumpkins. He would never forget the years of torture his mother put him through just to get a cute picture for her design company, honestly he thought she only did it to piss him off.

Which it did. A lot.

And yet here the ash blond was, standing before the large tent along with his so called friends and girlfriend by his side. Just in case you were wondering, it wasn’t his idea. And surprisingly it wasn’t his friend’s idea either.

It was yours. For some reason you were dead set on going to one of these shitty patches to pick a pumpkin out for your dorm. Why you were so determined on getting one of these rather odd shaped fruits for your room, he didn’t know.

After his friends begging him literally all day to go, it only made him want to decline the offer even more. But when you got him alone and gave him that stupid adorable face you always flaunt when you want something, he knew he was fucked.

So begrudgingly he tried to hide his disgust, not very well at that, and stood by your side as your eyes lit up at the sight like a child at a candy store.

“Katsuki look at all the pumpkins!” You squealed with a wide grin quickly bending down to pick up a pumpkin that was almost the size of you, which showed as you shakily got it to rest against your legs before showing it off to the Bakusquad, “Aren’t they awesome!”

The rest of Bakugou’s friends seemed way more interested than he did, marveling at the pumpkin in your hand while Kirishima picked it up from your shaking hold.

“You might want to look for one more your size (L/n).” Kirishima chuckled as you let out a slight pant of relief once the heavy pumpkin was out of your hands.

“Go.. go big or go home am I right?” You said in between heavy breaths with a grin, most of your friends laughing except for Bakugou who clicked his tongue.

Walking beside you with folded arms, the grumpy boy scanned the perimeter of the tent with unimpressed eyes, “Just pick out a damn pumpkin already before you get fucking scoliosis.”

Looking over to your boyfriend you snuck a quick kiss to his cheek, giggling slightly at his startled expression, “Don’t rush me Katsu, I’ll just take even longer~”

Bakugou glowered down to you, ready to let a string of curses come out until a bright flash was seen from above. It only took seconds for the horrendous boom to come after, shaking the ground aggressively as the rain followed suit.

Your hand immediately found its way into your boyfriend’s at the startling sound, even Bakugou glancing up at the sudden change in mood.

For a second he almost felt a surge of excitement, this meant he could go home right? But then other sounds filled his ears that made him want to blow up the planet.

Children crying, adults shouting, loud wind and rain just adding to the new chaos of the situation.

Bakugou’s friends all let out annoyed groans, the six of you moving under the tent so not to get drenched by the heavy downpour.

“Talk about bad timing for a storm to show up.” Kaminari groaned with folded arms, the group nodding in agreement as they brought up what they should do next.

The ash blond couldn’t be more annoyed, the weather couldn’t hold out for five more seconds? Now he had to come back another fucking time so you could pick out a damn pumpkin, this was supposed to be a one time deal!

Though he remained silent, it was clear Bakugou’s mind was screaming profanities as he glared at the heavy rain, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He hadn’t realized he was spacing out until he felt two nudges at his side, vermillion eyes glaring over to see Kirishima looking at him with a concerned expression.

“(L/n) okay? She doesn’t look too good bro.”

Bakugou raised a brow, glancing down over to you. Immedietly he noticed how closed off your body language had become. (H/c) locks covering most of your face, arms wrapped around your torso, lower lip just barely lowered in a small pout, and were your eyes getting glossier?

There’s no way you would cry over this, right? He knew you really wanted to come here but it wasn’t the end of the world?

“Sorry about the weather (L/n)-chan it’s a real bummer, maybe we can do this next year!” Mina said with a reassuring grin, your eyes snapping up to her own as you noticed all eyes on you now.

Quickly fixing your posture, you forced the corners of your lips to raise up and nodded, “It’s okay guys don’t worry about it! I only wanted to go because this place reminds me of home..”

Shit. That’s why you were so excited to come here. Bakugou forgot how seriously your country took these holidays, doing these small things must’ve made you feel a little more at home.

“My entire family would always come to this pumpkin patch, and we would take picture then me and all my cousins would pick out a pumpkin and have a carving contest when we got home,” You explained with a small smile, not being able to help it as your eyes sunk to the floor, “I guess recently I’ve been feeling a little homesick, I was hoping this would help bring some happy memories back.”

Now Bakugou really felt like a piece of shit. He had been such an asshole the entire way here thinking you were acting like a two year old, when really you just missed your family.

Your relationship was still a few months new, so he wasn’t used to sharing feelings and actually thinking about how you felt. It was something that he always beat himself up over in the back of his mind, but his stubbornness and pride often got in the way of it.

But he would be damned if he just watched you feel this way for the entire rest of the year. He was your boyfriend, it was his job to keep you happy. And he would really be damned if he wasn’t the best fucking boyfriend you’ve ever had, hopefully the only one you’ll ever have.

His eyes flicked over to the plastic table at other side of the tent, seeing the associate start to pack his box of money and signs. This wasn’t going to do.

“Don’t you dare fucking close this place up,” Bakugou yelled from across the tent, startling the young man as he looked over to see the six of you still there, “It’s nowhere near closing time buddy.”

Your head perked up at the sound of this, not only you but the rest of his friends looking at the ash blond confused as he snatched your hand into his own. You blinked owlishly at him as his vermillion orbs landed on your own, softening slightly as he took your features in.

“We aren’t leaving here until we find the best fucking pumpkin.”

At this your friends all cheered, a warm smile spreading across your cheeks as you squeezed his hand excitedly, “Thank you Bakugou.”

Bakugou would be lying if he said his heart didn’t do a flip as he saw that beautiful smile flash across your lips, but he also would never admit that in his entire life.

So instead he walked in front of you and tugged you along through the patch of pumpkins with a scowl on his face.

“Whatever, just pick a damn pumpkin out already!”

This is why you loved the ash blond so much, he was such a wild card. Some days he made you want to slap him senseless, but in the end he always made sure your heart was on cloud nine. He even managed to turn this horrible situation into a good one.

Even when you first started dating, you had a small feeling he had a heart deep down in that prideful body of his. People warned you, even a few teachers did, but you saw the light in him. If their wasn’t a light, why would he want to be a hero after all?

Bakugou was simply a normal misunderstood teenage boy in your eyes, one capable of love and being human. Yes he did work harder than the average person, and he was insanely prideful, and sometimes he could be an asshole. But he had a heart, and you intended on digging it out so other people could see what you see in him.

The loud snapping of your boyfriend brought you back to reality as you glanced down at the pumpkins. You might as well try to find one as soon as possible so the poor sales guy could go home.

Back at home you always went for the smaller pumpkins, they were just so cute how could you not? All of your cousins and yourself were able to pick out one large pumpkin for carving, and another pumpkin of any size for your room.

Since you obviously couldn’t fit any obnoxious ones in your small dorm, you figured you should pick out a decent sized one that could fit on your desk.

Meanwhile, Bakugou watched as you somehow gracefully maneuvered through the rows and rows of pumpkins. He figured you must’ve been used to walking through them from back home.

It wasn’t until he watched you dance through the pumpkins that he realized just how cute you looked today. He begrudgingly noticed that you were wearing one of his shirts. Half of him didn’t mind too much, part because seeing you in one of his shirts made him swell with pride, the other part admiring how well you put the outfit together.

You had tucked in the front of the plaid shirt, which was oversized on you, while leaving the back end of the shirt out giving it a loose simple look. The colors went well with your high waisted jeans and of course those stupid boots you always had to wear during the fall season.

Even as you bent down to examine the pumpkins, you were just so naturally beautiful. Your (e/c) eyes narrowed carefully, soft lips pursed together in concentration, silky locks cascading down your shoulders. It almost pissed him off how imperfectly perfect you were.

Quickly shaking his head, the ash blond muttered a curse to himself. He needed to get out of his damn head, you were making him too fucking sappy.

Glancing around at the pumpkins around him, Bakugou chuckled slightly at the sight a of a rather awkward pumpkin. The stem was practically chopped off, probably kicked or torn off by some bratty child. One side was distinctly higher than the other, making the lumpy object look deformed.

Grinning deviously, the ash blond tugged the pumpkin in his arms before calling your name, his grin growing wider once you made eye contact with him.

“Hey (S/o), this looks like your ass!”

Why you had any thought in your mind that perhaps your boyfriend was trying to help you, you had no idea. As soon as your eyes fell on the rather depressing pumpkin, your lips puckered out into an annoyed pout, your eyes following suit with a sharp glare.

This earned a loud snort from Bakugou, the ash blond finding your change in mood apparently hilarious.

“Oh I’ll show you funny...” You grumbled, glaring at the ground until you noticed the patch of squash a few rows down. Grinning you quickly grabbed a smaller one and whipped your head back to your laughing boyfriend with a smirk.

“Hey Katsuki~” You purred, successfully gaining his attention causing you to sneer before you held up the pathetic squash, “This one looks like your dick, asshole.”

Bakugou’s once wide grin fell into an expression of shock before a scowl came across his lips as you bursted into laughter. For someone so aggressive, he sure was sensitive.

That’s one of the reasons Bakugou came to like you. Even though you were kind and gentle, you were also confident and didn’t take shit from anyone. Any normal girl, except for maybe Mina, wouldn’t be caught dead saying something like that to him. Yet here you were, making fun of his package, inaccurately at that.

“Oh you think you’re funny you little shit?” Bakugou hissed, storming his way over to you as you continued your obnoxious laughter.

Grinning over to him you slowly stopped your laughing, pretending to wipe a fake tear from your eye as he neared you.

“Oh I think I’m hilarious babe, don’t you think-”

Your words were cut off from being lifted into Bakugou’s arms, a yelp escaping your lips as you held onto his neck tightly and blinked down to him.

“Bakugou? What are you doing? Why are you getting closer to the tent?”

The onslaught of questions seemed to go in one ear and out the other as you both neared the edge of the tent that was barely protecting you from the pounding rain.

“Katsuki! I swear you better not do this!” You shrieked, holding a vice grip on your boyfriend as you felt light pelts of water brush against your face, “Katsuki don’t-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence before cool water began to soak against your back and side, a shrill scream escaping your lips as you tried to hide your face in Bakugou’s hair.

If you thought Bakugou’s laugh was loud before, this would’ve been a howl of laughter then. Somehow he thought you getting drenched was funny.

But if he was going to play that game? You were going to then.

Gritting your teeth you lifted your leg that was behind his torso and kicked it against he back of his knee, causing his legs to buckle forward as he stumbled outside the tent with your drenched body.

Bakugou attempted to drop you but you held onto him like your life depended on it, keeping him out in the rain so you could both be soaked to death.

“(S/o) you little shit!” Bakugou growled as he ducked his head low, your giggles filling the air as you ran your fingers through his now damp locks.

“What? Don’t like getting wet pretty boy?” You questioned with a grin, placing a few kisses on his cheek while he glared up to you.

Initially the ash blond was mad, not wanting to get a genuine denim jacket wet, but with you looking down at him with so much joy... how could he be mad?

Even for a minute you though Bakugou was mad with you, but soon his glare softened, his vermillion eyes narrowing playfully at you as he grabbed your chin and pressed his lips against your own. Whenever he was like this with you, nothing in the world mattered at all. Not his friends, not the pouring rain, nothing. Just you and him.

Smiling through the kiss you held on to the back of his head and moved in close to him, welcoming the drops of rain falling from your now soaked hair.

And even as much as you didn’t want this moment to end, you knew for your friend’s sake and the poor sales associate’s sake, you should probably pick your pumpkin out so you could continue this at home.

Pulling away from him was a slight challenge, his head following your fading lips until your head was away from his own, causing his eyes to open while he scowled at you.

“The hell did you stop for?” Bakugou growled lowly, but stopped when he noticed your eyes weren’t on his own. Your (e/c) gaze was narrowed at something behind him, examining something. Raising an eyebrow, he opened his mouth to ask but you scrambled out of his arms before he could get the chance.

Quickly Bakugou made his way back under the tent, shaking his head out to get at least the dripping water from his locks before looking over to you.

Your soaked form was bent over some pumpkin, holding it close to yourself before you spun around and looked to him with a grin, “I found the perfect pumpkin!”

Bakugou nodded slowly as if taking everything that just happened in before walking beside you to see what this magical pumpkin looked like.

And to his surprise, it was white. Not orange like the normal pumpkins, just a light cream color with a curly stem.

“The hell do you want that one for?”

Smiling softly you stood up with the pumpkin in your arms, brushing the wet strands of hair out of your face before looking up to Bakugou.

“Because it reminds me of you.”

For a second, just a second, Bakugou didn’t understand. Were you still making fun of him? But then it clicked. The pumpkin had the same color tone as his ash blond hair. Only you would correlate such a stupid thing, only you would take something so meaningless and make it special.

And yet Bakugou felt his face getting hotter by the second. He wasn’t even sure if it was the way you were looking at him or the words you spoke, but there was no way in hell he was going to let you see him blush.

Without hesitation the ash blond snatched you into a hug, holding you close against him so you couldn’t try to get away.

“Why the fuck are you so sappy shitty girl?” Bakugou grumbled, placing a soft kiss on your forehead before glancing the other way so his friends on the other side of the tent wouldn’t see his rosy cheeks, “You watchin too much of those fucking Hallmark movies?”

The sound of your giggling filled his ears, making his heart warm as your voice vibrated against his chest softly,

“Maaayyybbbeee.” You cooed with a goofy grin as you squeezed your face from his grasp to rest your chin on his chest so you could look up at him with that adorable expression of yours, “I can’t help it! They make my heart squeeze!”

Bakugou couldn’t help but smile at this, a small ‘tch’ escaping his lips as he grabbed the pumpkin from your grasp and tugged you along to the check out table.

“Yeah yeah heart squeeze, let’s get your sappy ass home.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha-halloween2019 #bnha halloween #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #thunder storm #pumpkin patch #fluff fluff fluff #did I mention fluff?#cause fluff

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shittylongcatposts · 5 years ago

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The Intern

Why hello there ~ I thought of this today and couldn’t leave it be, so I wrote it out and thought you might enjoy it! Happy reading! Bonus points if you can guess who I am ;D

Honest to god, you had no idea what you were thinking signing up for an internship at C&R. You had little to no experience with almost anything that was going to be asked of you, your grades in corresponding classes were horrendous and on top of that you had about as much elegance as a battered plastic flamingo. And yet, for some odd reason, they actually approved you. Even though you did throw up into a trashcan handed to you by the head assistant at the interview. The thought made you cringe. Definitely not your proudest moment. Possibly one of your worst.

So here you stood, holding a bunch of files to your chest. Every so often you pulled on your ill fitting pencil skirt. Wherever you went, you could feel the gaze of the other employees on you. Most of the time, they were taking you in with a raised brow, or an amused smirk. Though it was already your third day, you had a very good idea how the next few months would play out. Behold, for your number one involuntary entertainer, Mc, stumbles through the office.

“What are you doing right now?” Surprised at the sudden touch on your shoulder you swung around, almost hitting the head assistant in the face with your files.

Her eyes wide the brunette woman took a couple steps back. As soon as you recognized her you broke out in a flood of apologies. Your overly nervous demeanour was answered with a smile, her warm eyes squinting lightly because of it. God. She had so much extra work because of you and yet she stayed patient. She must be an angel.

“I was just…well. Mr. Kim asked me to copy these files for him, but he doesn’t seem to be back yet."

Your explanation did not seem to be very clear to the woman. Her smile had faded to a questioning frown.

With a sigh, you hung your head:"I can’t remember where his table is…"

Despite your praise for her earlier, you could see her running pale at trying to not at least scold you for being so unattentive. It wasn’t like you learned everyone’s seat by heart. It was hard enough to remember the right names for the right faces. You pouted a bit under her gaze, when suddenly, the door to the office was swung open with full force.

“Assistant Kang.”

The deep voice sent a shiver down your spine and you could feel the atmosphere in the office shift completely. With long strides, none other than Jumin Han walked over to the two of you. Or rather, to his assistant. He didn’t pay any mind to you.

“I need you to cancel my meeting with that japanese business man.”

Jaehee mustered the tall man, her eyes filled with suspicion. “Why.”

Her voice was void of any emotion. You were pretty sure she did not mean to say it out loud. The CEO however didn’t seem to notice anything strange about her.

“Because I say so. I’m not interested in his business.”

“Mr Han. With all due respect,” she took a short pause, as if she meant to say more, then she continued “, I suggest you tell him that yourself. It would certainly benefit your….reputation.”

“May I remind you, my reputation in the business is flawless, assistant Kang. Call the meeting off. I’m not going.”

It was obvious that the woman had her own opinion on his claim. The silence between the two was deafening, until she hesitantly obliged. Jaehee nodded to herself as she took some notes on her clipboard. Pleased with the outcome, Jumin disappeared into his secluded office, closing the door behind him.

The interaction left you stunned. You couldn’t help but stare at the door he just walked into a moment ago. Right now, you really didn’t want to be in Jaehee’s shoes, but the prospect of ever getting to work with him filled you with giddy excitement. Though he would probably kick you out shortly after your first attempt. A girl may dream, but it was always good to keep your own reality in check. Or so you told yourself.

You had about a million questions burning on your tongue about working with him, but the assistant just pointed you to the table you were looking for earlier, before she hurried away to do as she was told.

A couple weeks had passed since your encounter with Jumin Han. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to the mysterious man in the suit. Well, there was nothing much mysterious about him, not that you knew of anyway, but your curiosity was growing by the day. Since you were being shooed around the building most of the day however, your chances to actually get a glimpse were so low, the mere thought of getting to talk to him seemed absurd. Until a rather sickly office worker dropped some papers in your arms before leaving for the restroom. Poor fella.

A look at the papers however, made you forget all about the encounter. They were meant to be delivered to Jumin. ASAP, if the note scribbled in the corner was not just a hoax. This is it! Your chance! It just had to be fate. Why else would you be here right now, left behind with these probably kind of important documents. The employee didn’t say anything to you about delivering them, but now that you had them, why wouldn’t you. Since it was urgent…..You looked around to make sure he was still out of sight, then, you hurried to Mr Han’s office.

Your lucky bracelet jingled as you knocked on the door. Once. Twice. Th-

“Just enter,” you heard a deadpan voice from inside. The request was spoken as such a simple fact, it made your stomach drop. What if you really just entered and you would’ve interrupted something important? He’d probably be pretty mad if you did, right?

Like glued to the floor you stayed in front of the door, your arm still frozen in the knocking motion, when it opened on it’s own.

Raising his brow, Jumin looked the young woman in front of him up and down. What on earth was she wearing. Not one of the pieces on her body suited her in any way shape or form. Her hair looked like a glorified bird’s nest. His gaze wandered to the documents in her hands. Ah. He had been waiting for these. Taking a step back, he held the door open for her, beckoning her inside.

“You can leave them on my desk.”

She nodded eagerly, shuffled over to the large table and put them down right next to his keyboard. Why was she walking like that. Jumin looked down to her feet. The pair of heels she was wearing stuck to her rather awkwardly. Did she really not own one single piece of clothing that actually fit her?! Sighing, he closed the door and took a seat behind his desk. A bit out of place, she stood next to it, obviously trying to sneak a couple peeks at the information written on the document.

“So. You may start.”

A bit dumbfounded, she stared at him. Jumin looked up to her out of the corner of his eye. She seemed completely clueless as to what he expected from her. Did C&R’s training really lack in quality so much? Immediately, he made a mental note to look into it later. He didn’t have time for this.

“The report. To the documents. Give me the report.” Unbelievable. He really had to spell it out to her. Such incompetence was truly irritating.

“I’m sorry, Mr Han. I don’t have…anything? To report?”, she mumbled more to herself than him. If she didn’t mention his name, he would’ve taken it for nothing. However, she did address him.

Turning his head to look at her properly now, he let the documents drop to the wooden surface. “You bring me these documents without any report on them?”

“Aren’t you going to read them anyway?”

Now it was the CEO’s turn to be rendered speechless. She couldn’t be serious!

“Wh- I. Yes. Of course. But it is your job to give me the report belonging to it.”

“Well I don’t have it. If you’ll excuse me now.” With a nervous laugh she walked back over to the door. As much as it could be described as walking anyway.

Within the span of a couple seconds, Jumin rose from his seat again and stalked across the room. She had just opened the door the tiniest bit, when he slammed his hand against it, holding it closed.

At the sound of the door closing, you turned to the figure next to you. Jumin glared at you, clearly looking down on you not only because of how tall he was.

“Why don’t you take a seat.” His stormy eyes bored into yours. You swore that his gaze got more intense with every word, just as the sharpness of his voice.

This was it. This was how you were going to die. Mustering your best attempt at a smile, you did as you were told. Sitting in front of his desk was quite a strange experience. A little bit like sitting in front of the headmaster’s desk, but a thousand times worse.

Without further ado he sat down across from you. Still glaring at you, he leaned back in his chair, his legs crossed. It was quite the sight. You flinched, mentally kicking yourself for letting your mind drift in a situation like this. Focus! You had to focus! You took a deep breath and glared back at him. It seemed to throw him off for a moment, but you weren’t quite sure since his features became as ambiguous as ever. His tongue flicked over his lips as he pulled a sheet of paper out of his drawer with one hand and picked up a pen with his other.

“Your name.”

“What about it?”

You could’ve sworn you just saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

“Tell me your name.”

“Oh!”, you exclaimed, sitting up a little bit more straight. You held your hands in your lap, smiling at him. “Mc.”

Jumin noted down what you assumed was your name, then he looked back at you again. His eyes wandered back and forth, as if he was contemplating what to do, or rather to ask, next.

“I don’t think I remember you. Have you been with us for long?” It sounded like he was adding something under his breath, but you couldn’t make it out.

You went silent for a moment, trying to remember the exact time you had been interned in the company. All the while you were staring out of the window, doing your math, Jumin stared back at you. Sometimes he would look to the sides and squint at you. It was a bit weird. After some time in silence, which you assumed to not have been so long you told him that it has been about a month and a half. Jumin stared at you in disbelief. If it was because of the amount of time you had allegedly spent within the company or because of how long it took you to tell him was beyond your knowledge. Based on his expression as he added another note, you believed he wasn’t quite sure himself.

“And what is your…exact position? If you’re aware?”

Was he implying that you didn’t know why you were here? Well, he wasn’t entirely wrong, since the fact they took you in was a surprise to you every morning still, but he didn’t have to phrase it like that.

“I’m an intern.”

The faint grin on his features fell the second the words left your lips.

“Pardon? I think I misheard.”

“I am an intern, Mr Han. I-N-T-E-”

Clearly irritated, he interrupted you. “I know how to spell that, thank you very much.”

He slapped his notes on you on his desk, putting the pen down right next to them. It glistened nicely in the sunlight coming in through the window. You couldn’t help but think how pretty it was. That didn’t look like a pen made for work. But what did you know, you’re not the owner of a company.

Jumin had leaned back again, rubbing his temple in an attempt to keep his composure. It seemed very uncharacteristic of him to struggle so much with it. Whatever could bring him to his limit like that. Unable to hide your worry, you gave him a sympathetic look.

“Is there something wrong, Mr Han?”

The innocence in her simple question was about to drive him up the wall. What was wrong with this woman? Why did she have these documents? And how could she possibly be so careless about what she rode herself into? What an idiot. Wasn’t Jaehee responsible for her, if she really was an intern? How could she let this happen??

Questions over questions about this peculiar woman raced through his head. He felt like tearing his hairs out. Jumin closed his eyes for a moment. This was not the right time or the right reason to lose his composure. Not paying any mind to the woman trying to get his attention through questioning his well being and other useless small talk, he got up and opened the window, looking out on the city. The cool air blowing in his face was a welcome feeling as opposed to the red anger he felt coming on.

“You’re dismissed.”

The statement finally brought an end to her useless chatter.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr Han?”, she asked. As if she had anything to provide he could possibly have a use for.

“No. Thank you. You’ve done more than enough for today.” He threw a brief glance at her back as she waddled over to the door. Yes. That was the word he had been looking for. “And please do ask assistant Kang to find you some…fitting attire.”

Mc let out a noise of affirmation. When she left, she closed the door behind her carefully. He probably should’ve kicked her out after what just happened, no? Contemplating his decision, Jumin raised his hand to his jaw, running his fingers over it. Of course, what happened today was anything but ideal, but he was intrigued. What was it about that strange woman that had him losing control over himself like that. His mind kept wandering to the memorable encounter.

“Very interesting,” he muttered, letting out a dark chuckle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OMG and this guys is the wonderful work of @space-kitten-606 !!!! KITTEN!!!! I am in love!! Waahhhhh!!! How do I deserve this??!!! I.... god, I am speechless. I love every single word of it. Mc really reminds me of a mixture of you and me somehow xD

#mysme #mystic messenger #jumin han #submission #space-kitten-606 writes #this is amazing #i love the ending of it....#look at me thirsting over jumin for nth time

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contentforthecrystal · 5 years ago

Text

Romantic SkekMal headcanons

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous; hopefully this is what you were expecting. I might add more later when I rewatch the series.)

- Okay let’s be real skekmal isn’t romantic; he’s a coolblooded butcher who barely has a heart and has only truly been interested in slaughtering things and collecting them as trophies. You were almost met with the same fate when you came across him while trekking deep within a forest.

- You hadn’t been paying attention to your surroundings, not noticing the sounds all around you although that isn’t exactly your fault; even if you were trying to listen for something you probably wouldn’t even hear him. All of a sudden you saw a streak colors and you were thrown to the floor; you scrambled, crawling backwards while looking at the attacker who loomed wickedly over you. You had heard stories of him; everyone had, but none of them compared to the real thing.

- His eyes ran over you; not Gelfling, Podling, definitely not Gruenak, so what then? Had he been hidden among the trees for so long that a new species was created right under his nose? He took a calculated step forward and you crawled back some more, nervous, afraid-no... terrified, oh how fun.

- You had pleaded then, hands shooting up, halting him even though he’d usually ignore such pathetic gestures. It was interesting hearing you speak, voice soft, a tremor running through your words. You had a family, like he cared? Did you really think that would stop him, the only thing stopping him was your intriguing appearance.

- It’s because you’re so interesting that he decides to “keep you”. You find yourself being dragged to your feet and hoisted over his shoulder as he makes his way back to his campsite.

- You’re practically his trophy pet, a beautifully interesting capture of his that proves his excellence and skills. So basically you’re a prisoner kept locked away from the rest of the world and always in his line of sight to make sure you can’t escape. And for a while that’s all you are; that is until he begins to find you more and more attractive.

- He begins taking note of different qualities of yours he enjoys as well as the seemingly pointless yet endearing hobbies you’ve been able to keep up with while being with him. Soon enough he sees you as more of a companion then a trophy.

- He won’t outright make it clear that you’re now together but chances are he’s snuck in some Skeksis courting rituals while interacting with you; none of which you understand nor pay any mind to, so in his eyes since you hadn’t objected and just obliviously went along with them you are now his.

- Even though he doesn’t make your relationship clear he will get fiercely angry if you show interest in another or if he’s ever been around to see someone attempt to flirt with you. You’ve almost gotten a few people killed before you realized that SkekMal was trying to or had already been courting you without your knowledge.

- Chances are you were made fully aware of the predicament you were in because of his jealously. Someone had been flirting with you while you passed through a town with him which you were quite enjoying until Skekmal nearly tore their limbs from their body. When you rightfully got upset by his reaction and demanded an explanation for his behavior while he roughly dragged you away he had roared about all that he viewed as you accepting his courtship.

“YOU AGREED! YOU SLEPT IN THE BED! YOU USED THE DAGGER! YOU ARE MINE!” (I’m improvising, perhaps I’ll make a skeksis courting rituals headcanons later)

- You’re stunned into silence and he snaps his mouth shut as he studies your oddly quiet behavior, his head tilting to the side. He’s quite confused as to why you’re suddenly not attempting to yell at him.

“I’ve... I’ve agreed to be yours?” You all but whisper.

“...indeed.” And a silence falls over you two, fairly uncharacteristic for the violent creature before you.

- From then on you have a sort of unspoken relationship.

- He’s fairly temperamental; one moment he’s calm, might even tough you gently, nuzzle his face into your neck, the next he’s a flash of red hot anger or a swirl of confusion and mixed emotions, storming off and disappearing for hours.

- He gets aggravated without your presence. He never would have imagined that he would rely on another being in any way but whenever you’re gone he realizes just how much he genuinely craves your company or just being able to come back to you after hunting.

- You’re probably the one to introduce him to actual good tasting food, like homie survives on jerky and mud water 90% of the time so anything you make is delicious compared to his usual meals.

- Rough grips around your wrist, whether it be to bring you somewhere or pull you close to speak into your ear. His touch by nature is not gentle so really any time his hands are on you it’s going to be rough.

- He watches you while you sleep and once he knows you’ve fallen into a deep slumber he’ll sometimes stalks towards the bed and sit on the edge, inspecting you more closely. Occasionally he’ll drag his hands across your skin and marvel at the smoothness or curl up next to you listening to your breathing; not quite cuddling with you but not too far from you.

- Jealousy and possessiveness obviously, you’re his trophy, you’re his and his alone. Thra have mercy on anyone who dares even think about taking you away from him.

- He’ll often mark you to show his territory to others whether it be with a nip or scratch of his claws. Rumors spread and soon enough its well known that the Hunters “wife/husband” will have a certain mark on them. This also ensures you aren’t very welcome in any city if you ever try to run from him.

- Of course you don’t look like a Skeksis so many are very confused as to why SkekMal has seemingly claimed you, particularly the other Skeksis when they find out. They can’t deny you’re interesting but they would never imagine courting something so “lowly”.

- Obviously he likes a good hunt so just try to run from him or storm off when you’re angry or fed up, it won’t take him long to find you again and when he does he’ll certainly be quite excited/amused.

- Occasionally you’ll just play an innocent game of hide and seek just to “warm him up” when he’s about to go off on a serious hunt.

- You receive little trinkets or gifts often bones or weapons, things like that. He’s heard that you’re supposed to give your significant other gifts and even though he doesn’t quite understand the sentiment he gives it a try. He’s never around when you find the gifts but you can be sure he’s watching you from somewhere you can’t see.

- He gets a swell of pride he can’t exactly explain when he sees that you like said gift or finds it placed somewhere special.

- Sometimes he just picks you up and carries you under his arm when he feels like you’re moving too slow for his tastes or won’t comply with his decisions.

- Quiet campfires; he doesn’t speak very often unless you ask him something and even then he will sometimes not answer deciding to leave you guessing. Occasionally you’ll manage to get him to tell some of the stories of his hunts and you can watch him a bit nervously as he animatedly describes a fairly horrendous series of events that include gruesome murders.

-You have to have a tough stomach if you’re going to be around him, he’s a savage and gruesome killer. He finds no reason for you to be disgusted in seeing guts or entrails and he certainly wont understand why you’re acting so squeamish but if you are more weak hearted then he’ll make an effort not to turn up to your camp covered with or carrying somethings insides.

- Hes not great at accepting compliments that don’t pertain to his hunting skills, he’ll most likely tell you to keep quiet all the while his heart slowly begins to stir inside his chest.

- He’ll silently patch you up whenever you get hurt. It’s interesting seeing him so focused and quiet; no telling you how foolish you’ve been or anything, just his rough yet attempted gentle touch.

- Hearing the incessant sharpening of his blades especially when he’s in a mood. Occasionally he’ll let you hold his weapons usually after some persuading on your side. His face softens while he observes you although you’re usually too focused on the blade in your hand to notice. If you’re lucky you’ll look up just in time to notice, if you ask him why he’s looking at you like that he’ll just shake his head and look away.

#skekmal #skekmal imagine #skekmal headcanons #skekmal headcanon #the dark crystal #the dark crystal age of resistance #the dark crystal age of resistance headcanon #the dark crystal headcanon #dark crystal headcanons #the dark crystal imagine #the hunter #the hunter imagine #the hunter headcanons #the hunter headcanon

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devil-kindred · 4 years ago

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character study: remi price

I was tagged by @chyrstis for the character study meme and took it as an opportunity to talk about my newest baby!

LAYER 01: THE OUTSIDE

NAME: Remi Price

EYE COLOUR: Dark Green, almost pine green.

HAIR STYLE / COLOUR: Auburn/Red-brown but more on the coppery side. Remi likes to wear her hair down and loose, but if she’s working on a vehicle or out in the shit she puts up in the messiest bun imaginable- and it’s anyone’s guess to how it stays.

HEIGHT: 5′6″

CLOTHING STYLE: Generally jeans and tank tops/t-shirts and the occasional flannel. She has a leather jacket she digs out every once in a while but it’s usually reserved when she’s on the bike... which isn’t too terribly often anymore.

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: If you asked Remi, she’d roll her eyes then quirk her mouth in a smile and tell you to guess. Your biggest hint would be the little wiggle she’d give her lip ring. Remi has a nice smile, and many people would tell her (if they weren’t wary of the wrench often in her hands) that she might have more less scared clients if she weren’t scowling all the time. Remi argues she has a severe case of what they'd called RBF back in the day but... honestly the scowling keeps majority of unwanted gentlemen away.

LAYER 02: THE INSIDE

FEAR: If we’re talking literal fears, rager bears and screamers. Rager bears because, well they’re bears that can take an insane amount of damage and just... not care at all. And Screamers for the fact that they 1) sound HORRENDOUS and 2) alert other infected. Tack on either of those with being trapped somewhere with no escape route and you have Remi’s absolute worse nightmare.

GUILTY PLEASURE: Remi really likes cheesy romance novels from before the world went to shit where the biggest worry someone had was humorous miscommunication. She also is ecstatic whenever she can find some books more on the erotica side but she would sooner throw her tools in Lost Lake than admit that.

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: People absconding with her tools/borrowing without asking or just moving her stuff in general. It took her ages to find what she needed to supplement her work and she’ll be damned if she’s letting anyone take them from her. Working on vehicles and her bike is the only thing that feels normal anymore.

Also, total strangers getting all touchy feely on her bike. That thing is her baby and if you so much as look at it funny she’s ready to kick your ass.

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Finding somewhere to settle down for good where she can still work on things but also not deal with Freakers what feels like every damn day.

LAYER 03: THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: Well, didn’t die via freaker so I guess there’s that.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: Food from before being stuck out in the shit. The things this woman would do for a burger.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: Whatever work she has lined up next or wherever she has to travel next.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: Remi is stubborn and she knows it. She’d argue that as her best quality because it means that if you give her a problem to solve, she’s not giving up until she’s resolved it.

LAYER 04: EITHER OR

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Single. Remi feels awkward enough on a date, let alone with several people there to witness the awkwardness.

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: Respected, hands down.

BEAUTY OR BRAINS: She likes people who are intelligent but if you’re really nice to look at (Deacon) she won’t mind.

DOGS OR CATS: Dogs! She’s mostly indifferent to cats but dogs? Oh you’ll never see someone bust out the baby talk voice faster.

LAYER 05: DO THEY

LIE: Oh yeah. She’s big on burying her feelings so if you ask her if something’s bothering her she’s gonna lie through her teeth and say no.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: It’s debateable. Sometimes she has a “I can do anything if I try hard enough” mentality. Other times... not so much.

BELIEVE IN LOVE: Unless you count the absolute embodiment of the heart eyes emoji Remi makes upon seeing Boozer for the first time, no.

WANT SOMEONE: Oooh boy does she. Both someone she can’t have (a certain biker) and someone she actually has a chance with and doesn’t think wants her.

LAYER 06: HAVE THEY

BEEN ON STAGE: Nope!

DONE DRUGS: Absolutely not.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: Remi tried it once and then promptly said “fuck it” and went back to her normal self. You don’t like the pierced punk-rock look, whatev. Remi could care less.

LAYER 07: WHAT’S THEIR

FAVORITE COLOR: Remi’s favorite color is purple. Usually the deepest shade you can find.

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Remi loves birds of any kind... until she sees the mutated ones with the freaker virus. Those she hates.

FAVORITE BOOK: She would never admit it but she has a very battered copy of “a tale of two cities” hidden in her saddlebag.

FAVORITE GAME: There’s not much time for games out in the world anymore but Remi used to love old-school stuff like PAC-man and arcade games.

LAYER 08: AGE

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: Sep 21st

HOW OLD THEY WILL BE: Twenty-nine

LAYER 09: I…

I LOVE: The freedom being on my bike gives me and those echoes of normal when you can truly be comfortable around people again.

I FEEL: A little lost at times. Not knowing where I’m going next is part of it but having no place and no one to call home? Yeah it sucks.

I HIDE: My feelings. I shouldn’t but why should I burden anyone else with what I’m dealing with? am I using Remi as a coping mechanism for how I deal with things? Perhaps.

I MISS: Having a home, diner food, music, not worrying every day.

I WISH: Things were different. That the world hadn’t gone belly up and that some things from the old days still remained. It is what is, though. Isn’t it?

#oc: remi price #days gone oc #character study

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kaz3313 · 6 years ago

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Hell is the Ink Machine

I swear the title will make sense eventually

This is part 1 (of I think 2 or 3 parts) of a fic enspired by @a-rae-of-sunshine ‘s idea’s. Idk why this idea resonated with me so much but it did!

Graphic depictions of violence ahead, proceed at your own risk

As Joey Drew hears the door handle click open his heart begins to race and he sucks in a long breath; what he assumes to be his last.

Everything in the studio had previously been going perfectly or as perfectly as a business can run. The animation department has been chugging out two episodes a monthly, one month three cartoons due to a Christmas and Hanukkah special, but quality still is priority.

Sammy Lawrence and Jack Fain recently won an award for the soundtrack for the cartoons; Sammy displays it in his office with pride and would make sure to polish it every week so both musician and lyricists names shone. Sometimes Jack, while passing by the music director’s office, would be caught staring at it. Besides Jack and himself no one was aloud to touch it; especially not Wally who would ‘break it’.

The toy factory is busy as ever;Joey had to hire twelve more people other than Shawn, who was the head of toy making, to help with all the demand for the toys. Bendy, surprising, did not sell the best, that place was held for the little angel, Alice. Due to such good sales the toy makers began to experiment with some side character right now the Butcher Gang.

Bendy Land is coming around nicely though its debut would take an estimated two years. That was fine with Joey, the park would be well worth the delay. It will have many extravagant rides.

Then there was the ink machine that will make extreme profits when-

Well it would’ve, if not for immediate threat present-Henry Stein.

Henry, oh dear Henry Joey thought to himself, what broke the poor fellow Joey has no clue. He was always a hard worker and overall good man. Joey asked him last night to look at some cells on his desk. Just a quick review nothing major.

“Are you sure that’s all you want Joey?” And Joey nodded and that had been the last thing that had been said between them.

Now Henry is off attacking anything and anyone he sees. Now the reaper who once was his friend is at his doorstep. He should grab something, Joey thought absentmindedly, to defend himself from Henry but...he doubts he could fight the man much less defeat him. It wasn’t due to his disability- Joey had fought many a man despite it-no it was a pesky feeling that refused to leave his heart. He squeezes his eyes shut, as the door opens and slams shut, and hopes with all his heart that however his death ensues it’s quick.

“Mister Drew! I’m glad it’s just you in here- Henry is in the music department and wrekin’ havoc!” Joey opens his eyes to see the exasperated janitor before him. Sweat pours down his uncharacteristically grim face.

“Well thank the gods it’s just you Wally; how badly were people hurt in the animation department? I hope no one ran down to the infirmary…” Joey says; Henry couldn’t be purposely going after people right? When Joey had seen him he could tell something was wrong, like he didn’t know what was going on.

“No one got to the infirmary- pretty sure I’m the only one that got outta there,” Wally’s voice was hollow even when he said his usual catchphrase. It suddenly dawned on Joey what he meant

“he’s killed everyone?” But even as Joey asks the question he knows the answer. He felt his body tremble as tears begin to streak his face. He shakingly grabbed the phone but the line was dead.

“Um, what should we do?” Wally asks but the only response is a pitiful sob.

Sammy Lawrence held the only thing he could find that had any resemblance to a weapon that wasn’t an instrument (despite the conditions his mind scolded him when he first picked up the banjo), a dust pan from the supply closet. Henry had gotten ahold of the only fire axe that were in the first two levels and swung it around widely like everything was a monster.

A shiver takes over Samuel's body as the memory of Henry killing all the musicians replays in his head. He stood in the projectors booth and all he could do was stare. Henry didn’t even blink an eye when the body's would spray blood on him or when people would beg for their lives. And the madman wouldn’t stop at just hitting them once, even if it killed them the first time, he’d strike them several times. Then there was Johnny who Sammy heard his screeches while Henry played the organ. Sammy doubts he’ll ever forget what’s happened but best not to dwell while the killer is still around.

Sammy is going to stop Henry himself and if that means sneaking up behind him in the infirmary then that’s what he was going to do. Unfortunately Henry isn’t in the infirmary when Sammy arrives which mean he traveled down farther...into the sewers where Jack was. Sammy feels ice run through his body as he continues to sneak through.

Sammy’s mind refuses to stop racing. He desperately tries to calm himself down with his quickly self made plan. Just hit him hard, in the back of the head, and then run. It’s not that hard- don’t start focusing on the fact that an axe is a much deadlier weapon then a dust pan and don’t focus that a dust pan isn’t a real weapon and don’t think about the fact that Henry could probably overpower you in a millisecond without since he’s big and bulky and- his thoughts cut off when he comprehends the scene in front of him.

Just like the band members being killed everything turns to slow motion with Sammy stuck in place like a statue. Henry has Jack cowering in the center of the room a box swaying above him.

“N-now, Henry, we can be civilized- just put down that axe and step away from the switch and we-” Jack’s voice is unnaturally raised two octaves as he tries to reason with the monster before him. but Henry does neither as he flicks the switch down a ten pound box dropping with it. A loud crunch echoes through the room and carnage is sprayed on the back wall. Henry approaches it; for what Sammy doesn’t know because he’s already running away. As he leaves he hears Henry’s once comforting now chilling voice.

“Sorry I had to do that, nice hat though” Sammy chokes back a whimper.

Sammy is a wreck even when Henry returns, walking into his office. Jack the lyricist-no- his best friend was just killed by someone he was once considered a friend. Jack who would always talk with in the morning even when he was the grouchiest. Jack who would find words to even the worst tunes. It became a game of theirs for Sammy to make a horrendous melody and for Jack to make just as horrendous lyrics to it. Somehow Jack failed at the game because even if the words were inherently dirty or dark they always went perfectly with the music

Sammy’s body refusing to stop shaking even when he reasons to himself that this could just attract Henry to him quicker. What he needs to do is gather his courage and just face him otherwise others could get hurt. Sammy always complained about everyone being annoying but seeing everyone get brutally murdered made him want to keep those around safe...who was around though? The band is gone as is most of the music department but Sammy never saw what became of Norman who often would be in his booth.Norman seems like the man to try and evacuate anyone he can, so Sammy silently believes the unproven truth he conjured for himself. He Doesn't know the fate of Wally either who’d often bother any poor sap who’d listen to his ramblings (Sammy couldn’t believe he’s thinking it but he hopes to hear the janitors stories soon). Thinking about it he didn’t see any of the voice actors and actresses not even-

Susie.

Susie could be hurt and at that realization Sammy’s fear is lost. Adrenaline pumps through him as he runs behind the torturous man swinging with all the force he can muster. Henry collapses onto the ground with a loud thud the only noise following is Sammy’s heavy breathing.

“We have to leave soon sir. If we stay here we’re just lambs waitin’ for slaughter,” Wally says, Joey looking at him with wide eyes. Wally guesses he’s not used to hearing all this serious stuff, especially from him, and he admits he’s not used to it either. He still can’t get the screams from the animation department out of his head nor the image of Henry staring right at him. The unstable animator’s shirt was stained with red that was impossible to ignore on his white shirt. His eyes were dead to the world as he had approached Wally in the back of the room.

“Oh god,” Wally thought he was regaining his conscious but that wasn’t the case “what did Joey do?” Then he grabbed Wally by the shirt. His voice died in the back of his through but his mouth still did the motions for spoke silent pleas. Henry tilted his head before taking the wrench out of his shirt pocket before walking away. That’s when Wally realized the man wasn’t seeing the world like everyone else; he was lost in his own mind.

The door creaks open again which not only brings Wally back to focus but he picks up the chair he had his hand on moments ago. He throws it at the approacher while glancing around the room for anything that could be a good weapon.

“Damn boy! What in hell has gotten into you!” Thomas curses out pushing the chair away making a path for him and Alison to walk through.

“Oh, Tom,” Wally says expecting to loosen but he feels his body tense and before he knows it he’s inconsolably crying on Thomas’ shoulder. In the background he hears Joey desperately trying to explain what has happened calmly but Wally can hear his own cracks in his voice. Not only that but he’s sure Tom and Alison have noticed his puffy tear stained face.

Sammy drags the unconscious tied up Henry through the music department not knowing where to dump him. He had to keep an eye on him,so he wouldn’t get away, so it couldn’t be the band room where corpses were currently rotting. It would be kind of fitting though, stuck in a place with all the people you’ve murdered ( were these the only people he’s murdered though? Sammy isn’t sure he wants an answer) and Sammy didn’t find it as cruel as he knew he should.

Why not just kill him? The thought kept creeping into his brain but Sammy dismisses it again. Not for the fact Henry deserves to live but rather for his own sanity he couldn’t see another person die and killing someone with his own hands definitely wouldn’t tip his mentality in any good way.

Then Henry begins to stir and Sammy drops him where he is, backing up.

Alison sits quietly trying not to stare at the mourning terrified men. She was recently hired to do voices of background characters, singing trees and that kind of nonsense, and though she wants to help she doesn’t know either of these people well enough to be of much comfort. She knew Wally was a chatty janitor and handyman that would spend a lot of time with Tom helping him check on the ink machine. She knew he had a partner, who she was unsure but she heard some whispers from other voice actresses that he was taken. Not that she was asking; she was with Tom after all. Joey, even if he was her boss, she knew even less about. He didn’t come out of his office too much she guessed due to the stairs everywhere (she wasn’t sure why they hadn’t just installed ramps inside the place instead). She doubted it was for the reason he liked to keep to himself becoming every time she did come to his office he was with someone chatting to someone. Actually, if memory serves her correct, he chatted most to Henry...her frown deepens.

At least Tom was there he seemed to be handling this better then herself.

“We need to leave quickly-“ Tom begins to say Wally already nodding to what was being said.

“I’m staying here,” Joey states using his sleeve to dry his tears.

“Mr. Drew I-“

“I’m the captain, I must stay aboard my ship even while it sinks. And anyhow I’d just slow you three down,” he whispers the last part looking at his wheelchair with disdain.

“We’re not leaving you!” Tom snarls slamming his hand on the desk but Joey doesn’t flinch.

“Your not leaving me. I simply am just refusing to come with,” She might know little but one thing Alison knew about Joey Drew that he was stubborn. More stubborn than Tom.

Sammy didn’t yell when Henry awoke nor when he started squirming in his rope. Sammy simply left him- what could a tied up man do- to find a phone of any kind. He has this feeling that Drew didn’t call anyone or maybe that was just dread that he could be dead.

Sammy gulps telling his mind to knock off with the overdramatic dark thinking;he’s getting sick of that mindset.

Then he hears footsteps behind him spinning around quickly Henry stands behind raising the bloody axe.

“No! Henry! I’m your friend! Henry, I’m your friend! Stay back-“ he feels the axe slice mercilessly through his side. Blood pours out of the fresh wound along with an agonized screech. Sammy raises a fist but it doesn’t reach Henry before another swing of his axe. This time he stifled a scream as his fist connects with Henry’s nose. A crack noise emerges but either the ex-animator didn’t notice or didn’t care for he continued the butchering. After the fourth strike Sammy’s body buckles down falling into a pool of his own blood it stains his blond cascading hair. A last strike in the chest breaks the axe in half. Henry, satisfied with his work,leaves the music director and yet Sammy’s heart still beats. His eyes are still open, even if his vision swims, and his breath comes out in strained heaves. But he still lived and he stays conscious.

So with the bit of energy he still has, Sammy hoists himself to his arms and begins to crawl leaving a trail of blood in his wake.

Wally doesn’t mean to get spooked nor does he mean to leave Thomas and Alison but when he heard the dropping of a board he spirits away. He hears Tom yelling after him but his own instincts kick in. After realizing that they didn’t follow him when he ran away from a nothing threat more tears peak at his eyes. Did he really just leave them? Were they killed like everyone else or spared like him?

Why was he spared in the first place? The unanswerable question lingered in his mind along with the thought that Tom and Alison were dead.

His thoughts are a horrible muddled mess so he doesn’t notice when he kicks a nearby can of the old stock of bacon soup (it didn’t sell well but Joey decided it took up to much space in the warehouses so he gave it to any employee that wanted some. Since cans of it were still abundant and it’d been more than a year since he passed them out Wally deduces that they didn’t sell well for a good reason) but he does notice the voice that slices the air like a knife through butter.

“Boris,” Henry Stein gives a wide grin.

#tw: graphic #tw: graphic depictions of violence #tw: death #tw: murder #bendy and the ink machine #batim #My writing #fanfiction #wally franks #henry stein #thomas connor #sammy lawrence #alison pendle #joey drew

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fourteen--steps · 7 years ago

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Tell us why solid gold is bad, Anna

I’M GLAD YOU ASKED

Ok so, I’m maybe gonna get some shit for some of this cause I’m not up to date on her most recent stuff. I stopped watching a few months ago around when she had to put all her old fish down, and am only vaguely aware of what she’s up to since then. But hey I’m always happy to shit on the events leading up to that and why it was totally preventable and still makes me fume. And why she’s just generally become a shitty animal youtuber like all the rest.

Goldfish specific:

So she’s kinda synonymous with those intex ponds by now. Which she keeps dead bare with 1-2 big sponges in the middle. She justifies keeping it bare with “oh they’re delicate fancies it’s for their own good” but

a) it’s keeping an intelligent, curious animal in a sterile room its entire life which is horrendous and if those fish really are that fragile they have no quality of life and should not be kept let alone bred, and

b) they are NOT actually that insanely fragile and there are a ton of ways to safely decorate a fancy tank and provide enrichment, none of which she does. E.g. sand, certain silk plants, certain live plants, floaters, food enrichment, varying currents, training, small light toys like ping pong balls. There is no excuse for a high profile keeper ignoring enrichment for goldfish, not aesthetics, not “safety”, or anything else.

Not to mention the filtration those sponges provide is way too low for goldfish, let alone the numbers she kept together. Just about all her tanks/ponds were overstocked and underfiltered. Goldfish are significantly messier than most fish, they need turnover of about 10x the volume of the tank per hour MINIMUM for standard HOB filtration. You can get away with less for canisters or sumps because of the amount of media. But a sponge alone is not enough, let alone one that weak for that many large fish. Even if her water tests come back clean, without enough filtration there’s going to be trace ammonia and nitrite sitting in the water unprocessed for longer and given how much goldfish produce, that’s enough to cause ongoing stress.

(I’ve seen her current temporary setup for the goldfish which appears to be basically the same, just twice as big with two sponges and a spray bar. So I mean I guess kudos for the oxygen for your poor lethargic bored fish)

She also states in videos more than once that she wasn’t always on top of water changes. She was busy with making youtube stuff and planning trips.

She fed Hikari for a long time. ‘Nuff said. I believe she uses mostly repashy now but I don’t think she ever properly denounced Hikari? It used to be good yeah but she kept using it way after it went to shit and kept espousing it to her followers as a great food even though it’s a recipe for sick floaty fish and I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole.

Case in point, she had those gorgeous black orandas from DO with no sign of floating issues, fed em on Hikari for a while, boom chronic SBD she “just can’t figure out”

She was lax on quarantine, by her own admission. Did NOT have a separate room or system for new arrivals, was NOT strict about equipment sanitation, and IMO made irresponsible medicating choices when fish did get sick.

Even before the big incident with the parasite that wiped her collection, she was constantly losing fish. Every few weeks or so she was posting another SAD NEWS video about a fish dying of this or that, often ones requiring euthanasia due to chronic swim bladder problems (heeeeyyyyyy Hikari). And like, I get that fish die. Especially in a large collection you have losses proportionally more often than small ones. But she was losing young fish who should not have been dying. A keeper friend of mine went back through her videos and tallied the median lifespan of all those losses to be about 3 years old. I consider 6-8 years to be fairly normal for a modified fancy fish. Now one or two early unforeseen deaths? Okay that’s bad luck. But a consistent pattern lasting months and years of all these fish dying when they should be in the prime of their lives? That’s unacceptable and there’s an obvious problem.

Leading up to the final incident that just made me unable to stand her. So all this subpar care has been going on for a significant amount of time. She lagged on her responsibilities and when something bad came around she and her fish were not at all equipped to handle it. That last pathogen obviously was something particularly virulent and nasty. But honestly the damage would have been significantly lessened if she had

been better with her quarantines of new arrivals

kept up sanitary practices properly during the outbreak

had been taking better care of her animals so they didn’t all have chronically poor immune systems by the time something bad came around

I mean… I can’t imagine how devastating it must have been to lose all her fish like that. But it just makes me so angry, especially that she skirted so much responsibility. She never owned a lot of the part she played in how susceptible her collection was to something like this. Not just publicly, but privately as well, according to what I’ve heard in the goldfish community grapevine. She turned away advice and critique from some good names because she didn’t want to accept culpability in letting her standards slip.

Other assorted things:

She cohabbed her adult female leopard geckos, ignoring the many many people that told her it was a terrible idea. Even after one started to lose weight and stopped eating due to stress she still was adamant that they were fine together. I’m not sure if they were ever separated officially, I know one is in QT right now for a pretty serious health issue.

She’s fallen prey to the “needs one of everything” bug that all the pet youtubers have these days. In just the last year or two she’s added axolotls, two leos, two rabbits, dart frogs, a community tank whose stocking keeps changing… And of course makes I GOT A NEW PET videos on each one.

That’s kind of the essence of it honestly. She’s really fallen into the “entertainer” trap and is way more focused on being a personality and “the face of the goldfish hobby” than she is on actually being an excellent goldfish keeper.

She’s not the worst of the worst. I think she does do some good, especially some of her older informational videos back when she was still making them for education’s sake. But I’m really fed up with her being worshipped as infallible when she’s made a lot of serious mistakes and her fish are paying the price.

#solidgold #solid gold #goldfish #goldfish resource #euthanasia mention #pet death tw #a lot of this is oversimplified but I was just cramming a rant together #I bet someone will jump down my throat for it though #oh well

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bakechochin · 7 years ago

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The Book Ramblings of February

In place of book reviews, I will be writing these ‘book ramblings’. A lot of the texts I’ve been reading (or plan to read) in recent times are well-known classics, meaning I can’t really write book reviews as I’m used to. I’m reading books that either have already been read by everyone else (and so any attempt to give novel or insightful criticisms would be a tad pointless), or are so convoluted and odd that they defy being analysed as I would do a simpler text. These ramblings are pretty unorganised and hardly anything revolutionary, but I felt the need to write something review-related this year. I’ll upload a rambling compiling all my read books on a monthly basis.

Gogol - The Collected Tales (as published by Granta) It took me a while to find a Gogol collection with all the stories that I wanted; this is still not it, but it’s as close as I could get without buying the Everyman’s Library edition with the shite cover. I’d describe Gogol as a nice writer; his narration is always warm and inviting (even when adopting different voices for the frame narratives of the individual stories), his tales are often engaging, funny, and easy to follow, and there’s no shortage of amazing weirdness. The book is separated into his Ukranian tales, which remind me a lot of Russian fairy tales (and I guess by extension Arden’s The Bear and the Nightingale), and his St Petersburg tales, which are more like what I’ve known Gogol to be from my readings of his work in the past. I haven’t the foggiest idea what to call his works, which is just as well since critics can’t figure this shit out either; it’s like magical realism but with subdued magic and a loose grasp on realism, where weird and unrecognisable events happen in a weird but recognisable world. I love both of these varieties of stories for different reasons, but I reckon I prefer the St Petersburg stories; fairy tales can get a wee bit repetitive (especially if you read them one after the other), but the St Petersburg stories are just inherently interesting, if only because of how bloody difficult they are to describe. Gogol manages to create some bloody great characters, distinctive and memorable, out of just a few sentences of description, and yet his descriptions are worded so nicely as to find the good in everyone and never outwardly antagonise any position in society (with the noteworthy exceptions of dissolute drunkards and the devil - Gogol really hates those guys). This does mean, however, that the really minor characters get a maximum of one sentence dedicated to establishment, and when there’s a shit load of minor characters being introduced as soon as they appear, it can be a tad confusing and not a little frustrating when it comes to trying to figure out if I’ve missed something. Also, not to seem thick, but I found remembering all of the million Russian names, and being able to match everyone to their names, a bit of a challenge (especially since, in some stories, the spelling of said names changes every now and then). There are some much-appreciated fiddlings with the storytelling format in Gogol’s tales that usually make for interesting reading; some of such additions to the stories, such as the establishment of some definitive narrators to form a frame narrative to the tale in question, or how unreliable narrators mess with the reality of the story, work quite well, but there are some that are a tad frustrating by how unnecessary they seem. For example, 'The Terrible Vengeance' does not reveal the framing explanation for the story’s events until right at the end, making everything prior to the explanation confusing and subsequently tedious, and 'Ivan Fyodorovich Shponka and His Aunt' is deliberately written to not have an actual ending - I get enough of incomplete stories from writers who unintentionally don’t finish their works, without Gogol pulling a deliberate fast one on me because he cannot be fucked to resolve one of his stories. I will, however, admit to being a tad hypocritical in this complaint; consider for a second ‘The Nose’, how it is deliberately written to be obscure or to have no clear explanation for the story’s bizarre events, cuts away from every encounter without revealing why anything happened as it did, is questioned even by the author, and yet is probably my favourite Gogol story (to some extent because of this stupid structure). The titles of the story’s bely how interesting they actually are; in the St Petersburg stories, the titles are short and succinct and can convey mystery through ambiguity in just a few words, but the titles for the Ukrainian tales were often needlessly verbose and consequently established the stories as perhaps being a tad boring (kind of like the titles of the short stories in Lem’s anthology Mortal Engines).

Voltaire - Candide This is some quality satire right here. This is a ridiculously fast-paced rollercoaster of a novel, a wild world-spanning picaresque narrative of stupid proportions. Harking back to Oliver Twist, another novel that uses satire to examine the world, I wrote that I found its highlighting of social issues to leave a sour taste in my mouth, as I didn’t believe the reasons for foregrounding these issues to be noble; society doesn’t dramatically change its flaws just because some dickhead wrote about them, and so I reckon that writing with the intentions of ‘improving the world’ is folly and what’s more total bollocks. However, this book is not trying to change anything. It is a big fuck-off harangue in novella form, less concerned with changing anything as it is with taking the piss. It expertly highlights exactly how the optimistic philosophies spouted by its idealistic cast are total bullshit, by writing this whole book to completely and utterly fuck these characters up. Reading these characters stumble from one horrendous catastrophe to the next is bloody hilarious; you’re prompted to keep on reading just to see what shit these lads would end up in next, and how their circumstances could possibly get any worse. Obviously a book that emphasises the very worst acts and disasters that the world has to offer might come across as a bit sad and fucked up, but this book avoids such labels by a) making the pace so fucking fast that you don’t have any time to have a contemplative pause about the atrocities being written about before you move on to the NEXT horror, and b) our protagonist Candide is so unwaveringly happy and genial, emphasised excellently with the reductive language of the characters and narrator. The story is absolutely ridiculous, spanning half the bloody world and satirising every city Voltaire could get away with writing about (although I will say I wasn’t a fan of how England was not a major part of Candide’s adventure), and yet characters still fortuitously stumble across one another (usually in significantly shittier circumstances than when we last saw them). If I was feeling cynical I would say that the constant returns of characters previously thought to be lost was due to the fact that there really aren’t many memorable characters in this story, and so Voltaire needs to get the most out of the few interesting characters that he has; of course all of the characters are funny because of their status as reductive character archetypes (and because of their laughably hyperbolic downfalls), but aside from Pangloss and Martin there aren’t many characters in this story who will stick in your memory. However, I am well disposed to this convoluted and stupid story, not only because such serendipity is justified within the framework of the picaresque narrative, but because the circumstances behind characters’ impromptu returns to the text are often fucking hilarious (especially Pangloss). The story is just the right length; it’s fast pace ensures that it gets more than enough out of its ninety-something pages, and if it was any longer than it would probably outstay its welcome and lose some of its novelty trying to come up with new problems for its protagonists to be fucked over by. I’ll freely admit to knowing absolutely fuck all about the setting that this book takes place in, but for the most part, thinking about that was hardly forefront in my mind as I was reading; the setting changes so rapidly that you hardly have a chance to focus on any one setting, and since the story is entirely defined by a long stream of grim and miserable events, it’s hardly as though you need to know all the relevant historical context to understand what’s going on. This does, however, make the constant namedropping of place names and historical details seem a tad incongruous with the breakneck pace, as I’ve got to keep flicking to the annotations at the back to understand them. (Yes, I really ought not to bother, as not knowing all this shit isn’t essential to understanding what is going on, but I still feel like I’m missing something in my reading if I’m not understanding everything). I feel that the story takes quite a long time to get to the moral; as much as I love the great amount of shit that is dealt to the characters, the book really keeps dealing out the shit right to the very end, to the point where when the ending moral does finally come along, it seems very much out of the blue and wasn’t really given enough build-up.

Bulgakov - The Master and Margarita This is among the more interesting texts that I have had to analyse, due in part to the fact that the narrative is split into two storylines, one of which is incredibly compelling and fun to read and the other is really rather dull and boring (especially by comparison). I suppose it’s lucky that the Pontius Pilate storyline (i.e the really boring one) is overshadowed by this book’s vast quantity of good shit. I’ve been trying to take a more professional look at the books that I ramble on - these are classics, after all - but I must admit that I struggle to think about this book in a professional way, because it’s very reminiscent of the usual low-brow fantasy nonsense that I pass the time with. Anything ‘proper' I can think of to talk about this book pales in comparison to the nonsense and hilarity of its content. Supposedly it is a satire, and I’ve held the view that all messages in satire are painfully obvious once you know that the text in question is meant to be satirical, but I struggled finding the message of this book. The gist of the book is that the Devil comes to Moscow to bring havoc and disarray to society, but the trouble with this is that I’m no expert on how the seemingly very complex and convoluted Russian society is supposed to run, and so any disarray catalysed by the Devil and his entourage is somewhat lost on me when I could have just as well attributed it to the overall madness and chaos of this sensationalised depiction of normal Russian society. Even before the Devil comes along, there are aspects of society that are told by the narrator as though they are attributable to otherworldly or otherwise fantastical sources, but because I often wasn’t fully sure as to what such fantastical stuff was actually satirising, I didn’t really get the full impact. Some elements of the satire are basic comments on universal human nature, with the Devil making fools of people who are vain or gluttonous or whatever, but oftentimes the satire is indeed dependent on knowing the ins and outs of 1930s Moscow; some of it I could surmise, some of it I couldn’t. The story follows a series of different characters whose lives are negatively altered by the influence of the Devil’s entourage, with things going wrong in any number of ways, and it is amazing fun to read; it’s very disorderly, but that’s the whole point. What did pose a challenge to me is how, with all these characters popping in and out of the story, with minimal descriptions and often not as much characterisation as I would have liked, I often got confused between them all - because, of course, we’ve got an abundance of three-part Russian names with ten bloody syllables in them (honestly whoever thought up the idea of patronymic surnames can bugger off). Obviously this isn’t a deal breaker, and anyone who reads this book will get the hang of it, but this book’s abundance of minor characters posed a bigger challenge than usual. (Oh and also the character names differ in different translations of the text, which is ever so fun to have to figure out). The characters are all alright, especially the Devil and his retinue, who are an absolutely delight (though they are admittedly best when they don’t have to carry stories on their own). I did however feel that the eponymous Master and Margarita didn’t really seem like main characters; the Master isn’t introduced until a good ways into the book and even then could easily be mistaken for another of the minor characters who appear and disappear in that part of the book, and though Margarita has a good few chapters to herself that really establishes her as quite a good character, by the end of the book she is subsumed pretty much entirely by her relationship with the Master. Also their connection to the ever-so-boring Pontius Pilate storyline can get a tad vexing, having to keep on returning to read about Pilate for a bit before the actual storyline can continue. I was wondering how a book with such a basic premise as this would have ended, since I didn’t really think this book could have ended in a way more interesting than ‘the Devil went home again and things returned roughly to normal’, but this book cleverly subverted my expectations by making the ending more Pontius Pilate bollocks.

Burgess - A Clockwork Orange I get the feeling that a lot of modern classics that are heralded as ‘the book that will change your life’ are going to be like this one, in that the actual story will by far and away be the most forgettable aspect of the book. Most of the things I love about this book are attributable to the narration. As someone who loves colloquialisms, Nadsat is an absolutely incredible language and it colours the book so brilliantly. Not only does it make the book incredibly fun to read, but it’s incredibly versatile, being able to diminish the horror and repulsion of the book’s acts with its alien descriptions and subsequently reflects Alex’s desensitisation to such matters. Alex is an incredibly interesting and compelling character, to the extent that I can forgive the book for not really having any other memorable characters. The book is really rather disturbing at points (to the extent that I don’t reckon I’ll ever be able to watch the film), but the aforementioned beautiful writing style/language and overall black comedy tone of the book carries it well. You don’t get a detailed look at the dystopian setting that the story takes place in, but what you can glean from Alex’s perspective is bloody amazing. However, the story is exactly what I expected it to be; heavy-handed satire with a few cool bits interspersed throughout, but overall the least interesting part of the book simply because it only serves to highlight the issues that it is satirising. The premise for this book is really cool, but in practice the story cannot do much other than display Alex being a bad person, or describing how his sadistic tendencies are remedied, over and over again. And in the end it hardly really mattered, because he goes back to the way he was at the beginning of the novel, and the one permanent change of his character occurs right at the end of the book in a rather anticlimactic manner. But of course you can’t feel too irritated by it, because the story, seemingly uneventful and circuitous as it is, is written so eloquently and fantastically that it is still a joy to read, and you’re willing to forgive its possible flaws.

Himes - The Heat’s On I haven’t read many books in the hardboiled genre, mainly because I felt that I didn’t need to read a lot of them to get a feel of what they are all like. This book features most everything I would expect from the genre, but perhaps a tad more sensationalised, which I like a lot. There’s a big horrible crime-ridden city, and there’s not one but TWO hard-as-nails policemen who have got to swear a lot and pistol-whip some motherfuckers for the good of society. Reading the blurb of this made me think of Sin City; the setup is generic but the characters and events within the story are absolutely ridiculous and very memorable. Characterisation is kept minimal because this is hardly the most profound of books, but none of the characters are one-dimensional. The writing is of course bloody great; it’s tight and clear, employs some excellent turns of phrase that make for surprisingly rich analysis despite how simple it is when taken at face value, and facilitates the story’s fast pace. Oh and of course, an important trope of hardboiled literature, this book included, is that the ending simply must be an anticlimactic frantic tying together of all loose ends. Since this book is essentially what I’d expected from a hardboiled text, I don’t have anything to say about it as an overall piece that couldn’t have already been surmised from me saying ‘it is a hardboiled text’; therefore, any comments that I have on this book aren’t really especially academic, but are more of just little subjective nitpicks. I do think that this book does venture at points into being a bit too silly; obviously I’m not expecting, or even hoping, for sophisticated literature here, but there needs to be consistency in its established stupidity. There’s a fine line this book walks between Machete’s level of dumbness and Machete Kills’ level of dumbness, and it often threatens to audaciously cross that line. Though I do appreciate the fast pace, because you need a fast pace in a book like this, there are times where character development occurs too quickly to be logical, and said development is often made when the plot itself has somewhat slowed down, which makes the irrational changes within people all the more noticeable. I base what I know about the hardboiled genre off of Hammett’s Red Harvest, and I reckon that although Himes is better than Hammett, Hammett did a few things better. Red Harvest took place in a fictitious city, and whilst Himes’ representation of Harlem is very sensationalised and fun, his constant name dropping of real place names can be a bit alienating when I know fuck all about anything American. Also this book isn’t really as centred on Harlem itself as I would have liked, instead continuously reaching out to other places in the world for its characters and plot progression. The lack of any molls or femme fatales was a bit saddening in some regards because that is a trope that I enjoy, but honestly the pursuit of love isn’t really forefront in the protagonists’ minds, and I’m content to substitute some romance subplot with more stupid action sequences.

Stuff I read this month that I couldn’t be arsed to ramble about: Maud: A Melodrama by Tennyson and a few miscellaneous poems from Christina Rossetti.

#book reviews #book ramblings #gogol #candide #voltaire #the master and margarita #bulgakov #a clockwork orange #burgess #the heat's on #himes

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fromtheringapron · 4 years ago

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WWE Survivor Series 2006

Date: November 26, 2006.

Location: Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Attendance: 15,400.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler (Raw), Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield (SmackDown!).

Results:

1. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons, and Sgt. Slaughter (with Arn Anderson) defeated The Spirit Squad (Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, and Mikey) (with Mitch). Flair was the sole survivor.

2. WWE United States Championship Match: Chris Benoit (champion) defeated Chavo Guerrero (with Vickie Guerrero).

3. WWE Women’s Championship Match: Mickie James defeated Lita (champion).

4. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team DX (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and CM Punk) defeated Team RKO (Edge, Randy Orton, Gregory Helms, Johnny Nitro, and Mike Knox) (with Melina and Kelly Kelly). All of Team DX survived.

5. First Blood Match: Mr. Kennedy defeated The Undertaker.

6. Survivor Series Elimination Match: John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Kane, Rob Van Dam, and Sabu defeated Big Show, MVP, Test, and Finlay (with Armando Alejandro Estrada). Cena and Lashley were the survivors.

7. World Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista defeated King Booker (champion) (with Queen Sharmell).

My Review

I remember ordering Survivor Series 2006 on pay-per-view being weirdly hyped for it. I don’t know why; I just saw a lot of potential in the card, I guess. Sure enough, the show fell well below my expectations and I quickly disavowed it and never rewatched it again until recently. So how do I feel about it in 2020, our year of the Lord? Well, it’s not horrendous or anything, but it’s still not good. Some important-ish things happen and I still think there was potential here for this show to be so much better; it just feels like not a whole lot of effort was put into it.

If the show can’t shake its staidness, it’s certainly not done any favors by its main event. The feud between Batista and King Booker was WWE’s attempt at cashing in on the real-life heat between the two, but it never caught fire in translation. By all means, it should’ve worked. Batista was in his prime and Booker was enjoying one of the best stretches of his career yet it ultimately became a case of the two guys simply not meshing. Their match here is just a whole bunch of whatever to me. What should be the satisfying culmination of Batista’s year-long road back to the World Heavyweight title is instead anticlimactic. It feels more like an epilogue tacked on to a novel than an epic final chapter.

The most enjoyable part of the show is easily Team DX vs. Team RKO, which is a squash match single-handedly elevated by the charisma of its participants. Team DX —Triple H, HBK, CM Punk, and The Hardy Boyz — is often mentioned in the discussion of greatest Survivor Series teams of all time and that’s pretty difficult to argue against. It’s such an iconic group overflowing with star power that watching them share a ring together feels truly special. The Philly crowd is well-aware of the moment too and they don’t let it go to waste. A part of me would’ve wanted to see a more competitive match, and the potential was definitely there, but the trade-off is a surge of energy that’s much needed at the midpoint of the show.

The remainder of the card mostly ranges from forgettable to downright offensive. The other elimination matches here are fun sprints, but they embrace the worst qualities of the match’s modern iterations. Granted, I’m a traditionalist who thinks the elimination matches should always be the focus of the Survivor Series, but I do think at a baseline they shouldn’t feel like everyone is trying to get it over with as fast as possible and that’s the vibe I get here. Elsewhere, Chris Benoit and Chavo Guerrero square off over Eddie Guerrero’s namesake, whose death is still being sadly exploited for storylines a full year after the fact. The lowest moment, though, is the tasteless sendoff for Lita in her retirement match. In a way, there’s something admirable about Lita wanting to go out like a complete heel, but having her slut-shamed and her items put up for grabs in a “Hoe Sale” isn’t it, and it’s ultimately flat-out disrespectful to one of the most influential women in WWE history.

Overall, Survivor Series 2006 has all the ingredients yet it can’t bring them all together to make a great show. One look at the card may have you think otherwise but in the history of WWE’s Thanksgiving tradition, this is the equivalent of a fake colorful gourd you stuff in a cornucopia⏤it looks good, but don’t be fooled; the taste is underwhelming.

My Random Notes

I’d like to reject the notion that JBL was ever funny on color commentary. Maybe I’m alone here, but I find him super obnoxious? I get that’s he’s trying to channel Jesse Ventura; it’s just that he unfortunately translates that into yelling a lot without saying any good soundbites.

It’s hard to not look at Test here and feel sad. There’s the steroid bloat, yeah, but he just seems tired, almost like he’s phoning it in at some indy show.

Vickie Guerrero is pretty early into her heel run at this point so she’s nowhere near as over-the-top as she’d later become, but I do like her cold Real Housewives energy here. There’s that one moment in the video package where she says “Hi, Chris” so frigidly that I had to check my nose for frostbite.

Speaking of Chris, it’s already tough to stomach watching Eddie Guerrero’s death exploited for storylines, but it’s especially so to watch Benoit get involved when you know how badly Eddie’s death fucked him up. And, yes, I do have that Dark Side of the Ring episode on my mind. That was some seriously haunting shit.

Fun fact: Ric Flair is undefeated in Survivor Series elimination matches, having been the sole survivor in two of them 15 years apart. The more you know!

Dusty Rhodes pinned Dolph Ziggler on a pay-per-view in 2006. Also the more you know!

A huge yikes @ the chair shot Taker gives Mr. Kennedy. No way that would fly now. Hell, it wouldn’t even fly less than year after this.

The Mickie James face turn truly happened outta nowhere, huh? I just remember there was one episode of Raw when she lost the Women’s title to Lita and — bam! — suddenly she’s a face, as if she wasn’t threatening Trish Stratus that she’d dismember Ashley Massaro less than six months prior.

I have little recollection of an MVP/Mr. Kennedy alliance, but it does seem like the most mid ‘00s WWE thing to happen. Remember when these two guys absolutely felt like the future faces of the company? The lost generation, indeed.

Alas, here we bare witness to the final days of The Spirit Squad. A night later, they’d be squashed by DX and literally sent back to OVW in a crate. To this day, I’ve never got the hate for them, other than it’s clearly a mid ‘90s WWF gimmick stuck in a mid ‘00s WWE. I used to think was the most obnoxious person on the roster, which I guess means they did their job well.

#survivor series #wwe #wwe network #john cena #the undertaker

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ashtyntheviolist · 7 years ago

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I wrote this for school, but it’s pretty cool

Why We Need Gender Neutral Bathrooms

By: Ashtyn

Have you ever felt singled out for something that you can’t control? It definitely is a horrendous feeling. Sadly, this is often an everyday reality for trans and nonbinary people “thanks” to gender specific bathrooms. Although this community of people are a minority, we need gender neutral bathrooms for several reasons.

First what does transgender and nonbinary mean (since many people still don’t know)? Transgender (often shortened to trans) means someone who does not identify with their gender assigned at birth. Terms that fit right along with this community are FTM and MTF, meaning female to male and male to female. Another term that also fits in with the trans community is nonbinary. What does it mean to be nonbinary though? A nonbinary person does not feel like a guy or girl. This could include people who switch between various identities (not by choice), someone who doesn’t feel any gender, and so much more.

These are the main groups that are negatively affected by gender specific bathrooms, also known as bathrooms that have the labels of “girl’s” and “boy’s”.

How are gender specific bathrooms harmful to FTM and MTF people. Most people would come up with the answer of just using the bathroom that you identify with. Sounds easy enough right? Well, it’s not. From a legal standpoint some places require transgender people to use the bathroom that aligns with the gender on their birth certificate. This is especially harmful to trans people who have fully transitioned (medically and socially), who would obviously not belong in the bathroom that matches their gender assigned at birth. If we had gender neutral bathrooms, we wouldn’t even have to worry about the unnecessary step of checking everyone’s birth certificate. That is completely unpractical for someone who just wants to relieve themself in peace.

How are gender specific bathrooms harmful to nonbinary people though? In many ways. Let’s start off with our first situation of a genderfluid person trying to use the bathroom. First, a genderfluid person is someone who’s gender changes as often as every day to every year (this varies from person to person though). Someone who presents in a very feminine manner one day, walks into the men’s bathroom the next day looking very masculine might raise some unwanted attention. If we had gender neutral bathrooms, genderfluid people would not have to worry about this.

What if an agender person (someone who does not have a gender) tried to use the bathroom, only to find out that they were gendered. This could be distressing to many genderless people, as they wouldn’t identify with either bathroom. For example, even if an agender person was born biologically female, they might feel uncomfortable with going into the female bathroom since that’s not what they identify with. Some agender people present as more masculine or feminine, so if they went into a bathroom where no one looked like them, it could once again raise some unwanted attention. No one would have to go through this though if we had gender neutral bathrooms. No one has to choose, and no one feels unwelcome.

While there are many social disadvantages of gender specific bathrooms, there is one big personal disadvantage to gender specific bathrooms. Gender dysphoria. While not all trans and nonbinary people experience this, it is very common. What is gender dysphoria though? Gender dysphoria is the extreme distress that is caused by one’s assigned gender not matching up with how they actually identify. Things that cause this include physical traits that do not line up with one’s gender, but social dysphoria is also rough. Social gender dysphoria includes things like being misgendered, being forced to wear clothing of one’s assigned gender, and gender specific bathrooms. If you’re cisgender, imagine how you would if you weren’t allowed into your gender’s bathroom. It would feel really bad.

While I might just sound like some “special snowflake” going on a rant, their are facts that support why we should have gender neutral bathrooms. About 40% of respondents to an online transgender survey said that they have attempted suicide. This is nine times the national average. A lot of the motivation behind a trans person feeling suicidal is often dysphoria, something that is elevated for most by having to choose which bathroom to use. Arguments against gender neutral bathrooms have been analyzed and compared to those of Victorian times when a similar debate was occuring. A shocking amount of the points made against gender neutral bathrooms in both Victorian and modern times are the same. If we want to have made progress since then, bathrooms are a good place to start. Even with these facts though, people still oppose inclusive bathrooms. Why is this?

I have heard many arguments stating why we should keep gender specific bathrooms, but one point in particular has emerged in almost every one of these debates. A lot of people feel as if there is a possibility of being assaulted if we have bathrooms free for people of any gender to use. The other side of this debate feels that predators will use these bathrooms as a chance to come in contact with their next victim. This is a very genuine concern, but this is not something that we need to worry about. There have been no instances of assault due to gender neutral bathrooms, so there is no real platform that we can base this fear on. Trans people have quite a large risk of getting assaulted though for using the restroom that aligns with their identity. Since the people that actually need inclusive bathrooms are the ones at risk in gender specific bathrooms, why not put them into action?

While there are many people in the world who have to deal with gender specific bathrooms, I also have had personal experience with this issue. I was assigned female at birth, but I identify as agender meaning that I don’t feel as if I am a guy or a girl. I deal with a lot of dysphoria regarding my more feminine characteristics and the day to day situation of being misgendered constantly. Through all of this one of the things that brings me the most dysphoria is having to use the bathroom in public where gender neutral bathrooms are almost unheard of. This is a problem that occurs most at school where there are only male and female bathrooms. Even though there are no laws restricting me from using the men’s restroom (where I would feel the most comfortable even though I don’t identify a guy) I feel as if I have to use the girl’s bathroom because I would be completely socially annihilated if I didn’t. Every single time I have to use the bathroom I have to bear with the mental and emotional pain of walking into the space with the sign that reads “girl’s”. This situation strongly renders my ability to focus when I return to class. This sounds very stressful (and it is), but there is an easy way to fix it. You guessed it, by taking down the signs that read “boy’s” and “girl’s” and making the bathroom a place where everyone can go without having to sacrifice their mental health. I know for a fact that this would make my day way easier to go through, and would help more people than expected.

Gender neutral bathrooms are obviously a necessity for trans and nonbinary people everywhere. They improve the quality of our lives, have no disadvantages for cisgender people, and could even assist in reducing the suicide rates in trans people. Why not put something into place that would help people everywhere? I’m not sure why inclusive bathrooms are so rare, so maybe it’s time to take action, and maybe even save a life in the process.

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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Life Story Part 58

My grandma Betty died. I was sitting in my bedroom upstairs one evening, when I heard the phone ring. There was a vent in my room so I could always hear a little bit of what was going on downstairs. I heard my father gasp, and then he seemed to be sobbing. The conversation was brief, and I already knew what it had to be. I couldn't help feeling badly for the guy. Despite the fact that he really was a terrible person to me in some respects, he lost a lot in a year's time. First, Patti – his then recently separated ex girlfriend had killed herself, and then his mother died. I think in a lot of ways my grandma kept my father emotionally grounded, and with her gone from the world, I believe my father felt very much alone – ungrounded.

I am thankful that her death was not a terribly slow or painful one. She had just begun exhibiting the signs of having cancer. She had chainsmoked her entire life since she was twenty-two. She also had a bad heart. Had she not suffered a stroke that killed her instantaneously, she might very well have suffered for a few years in a slow battle with cancer. I guess her and Gayle had gone out to eat at a Chinese restaurant that evening – their favorite, and they ate to their heart's content. Afterwards, they had gone to the movies, a sentimental corny movie most likely, where a lost young person finds their purpose in life by rescuing an animal that shows them how to be a better person and care again. The kind of movie my grandma always bought me for Christmas. She came home, listened to her favorite Celine Dion Titanic theme song, washed up, and began watching public television till she dozed off. At some point in the night while she was asleep she had the stroke, and she died almost immediately. I know this probably sounds awful for me to say, but I mean it with a sincere sense of compassion – it could have been so much worse.

The next week we traveled down to Ontario Oregon to connect with the family. It would be the last time I ever saw the extended family on my father's side. It was also at this very same time, that there was another family ordeal. Basically, my uncle Bob got caught in a sting operation for buying child pornography. I guess I failed to mention that this had happened sometime around Christmas. Looking back, I am so terribly glad I didn't end up living with him and my aunt Marty. Who knows what could have happened to me, and I remember distinctly feeling weird about my uncle, even though he technically never did anything inappropriate. He was the professional of the family, and I felt that we were supposed to look up to him – so hearing about what he was guilty of was a surprise – though I was told he was getting put in prison for tax evasion at first – not for buying pedophilia. The double secret life he was living was horrendous and disgusting and I believe I felt it off of him in very subtle ways when I had been down there to visit about a year and a half before he thankfully was caught. This little matter of feeling a strange energy off of him gave me insight that I should trust my instincts about people – particularly predatory men – but anyone. He ended up getting six years in prison – becoming an extremely talented artist – he could of course never go back into the field of education – and he is not allowed on the internet. He eventually remarried. My father keeps in touch with him, but most of the family has emotionally disconnected with him. I personally don't feel all that compelled to talk to him or visit, for very obvious reasons. You can't look at child pornography and not see clear as day the devastating reality of it all. It's staring you straight in the face. If you view that stuff to get off, you are sick.

Some of the family felt that my grandma finding out that her son had been arrested and was a sex offender was what broke her. I personally think it was just a life of smoking and eating 50's canned goods and watching soap operas. My adult cousins were down there. My aunt Gayle was a wreck. My uncle Steve and half uncle Adam were there, as well as my aunt Sylvia. We had rented a hotel. There wasn't going to be a funeral, as my grandma felt they were phony and gaudy. We all at one point went into my grandmother's apartment one last time. I thought a lot about the kindness she had shown me as a child. In a lot of ways, my grandma was a much softer person than both my parents, who were/are both far more chaotic, brutal, funnier, abusive and contradictory in nature. My grandma Betty was no survivor – she lived in fear – which is why she never learned how to drive. I remembered watching Bob Ross with her, and holding her hand and pushing on her protruding veins in her hands and wrists for fun. Even though the stuff she sent me for holidays was kind of awful – bad Christmas themed pajamas and such, she always remembered. She remembered every single person's birthday. She bought literally everyone Valentine's Day stuff, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, and Christmas boxes – no matter how many family members she had to send them off to.

I looked for, and found this cat that always hung off the side of the couch. It was where she often kept her smokes, her TV guide, reading glasses and such. Nobody wanted them. Nobody wanted the cat things used to prevent cat toys from rolling underneath the refrigerator, so I took that too. And since nobody wanted them, I was given her entire Stephen King collection – about thirty or forty hardbacks that I took with me back to the hotel and began reading. We went out to eat somewhere – a buffet. My aunt Gayle was totally a mess. I felt kind of mean – and perhaps I was mean, but I couldn't help wondering what she had expected. Losing a parent is devastating – but there was some part of her behavior that was sensationalized and attention seeking. She was sincerely upset and lost without her mother, and I think even the attention seeking was a sign or that devastation. She obviously needed to be comforted, and I would never suggest that a person stew I their misery. But she seemed to revert back to being a child. A very loud child who wildly looked around the room for attention. She began sobbing and crying very loud in the restaurant for instance because she saw a fork – and I guess that forks now reminded her of my grandmother's death – which seemed very put on to me. Other family members were silent for the most part. My father was seeming to hold it together okay. In a way, I almost think my father's resilience is his undoing. He can't really break when he needs to – survival simply won't allow it, and it almost seems to make him a bit crazy.

Watching all these people cope with the death of our beloved mother/grandma Betty, I worried about what it would be like when my beloved family members in the future would begin dropping off someday. It really hadn't occurred to me before – not that I wasn't aware of death. But now it seemed like a very practical reality and less of a concept. I decided to prepare myself for that day – so that I didn't react like aunt Gayle, and felt safe to consider everyone half dead already. Most of the human beings who had ever existed were already dead anyway. I know that sounds morbid, but if you remind yourself daily that the people around you are conscious meat sacks that can be squished, or malfunction at any given time, you not only prepare yourself for the day coming when it happens, but you are also appreciating the time you have with those people and how you treat them – since their mortality becomes more real to you. We have to get the most out of our connections with the people in our lives. What 'the most' is can be very subjective, but whatever is there to be gained from one another, it's an intrinsic part or our life's purpose to get it and to fully appreciate the mystery of knowing one another in the limited time and circumstances that we have.

On the way back from my Ontario, perhaps as a sign that I was very capable of being an insensitive teenager, I listened to The White Stripes very loudly in the car. Eventually my father had to tell me he couldn't emotionally take it right now, and he turned it down. I felt like a complete jerk. He had just lost his mother, and I was already just enjoying music and whathaveyou. When we got back home, we never really ended up visiting again. My father basically cut contact with Gayle. I don't know why. It didn't seem kind to me. Sure, they were never close. She could be annoying, but cutting ties with her kind of freaked me out. She hadn't done anything wrong. What's more, he still talked to our uncle Bob. He didn't talk to him for about four years granted, but he talks to him now – I don't care, except why has he decided never to speak to Gayle. I am really unclear about why that is. I have at times felt compelled to personally reach out to them, only I have been given the very strong impression over the years that they have little to no interest in who I am now that I am an adult – and the same goes for my siblings. There was always this weird sense with me that – since my mother was somehow a very obvious flawed human being that somehow she tainted the bloodline on my father's side and therefore we are of less quality.

On the last day of school, we took a trip to a strange special little exclusive resort called Boyer Beach. It was difficult to get to, and wasn't particular fancy – just a beach with some trees and buildings that weren't open for another month, since it was several miles up the Clearwater River. There was only one strange road to get to it, as there wasn't a road on that side of the river, you had to go several miles around to get to the one road that came back down. I remember sitting on the bus as it drove us down the small windy downhill path, and I began studying my feelings in a way I hadn't thought to. I felt depressed – but I chose not to blame anyone. It's instinctual when you feel pain that won't go away to want to blame someone. I recognized that I was feeling the urge to be angry at Sarah, but rather than say anything or let myself react emotionally – I just sat there and reflected on it. It felt counter intuitive, but I just did it anyway. And the more I reflected on it, the more I realized that I wasn't even angry – not really. I felt abandoned – and there might have been some reasonable justification for that – but I also understood that there was very little I could do about it. All those times I had become lathered up and convinced I was angry, I had actually just been sad. Feeling angry had made me feel like I was in control of my life and of the world around me. It made me feel justified. Really I was just a lost person. I felt disappointed and powerless – which made a lot more sense. There was nothing I could now do about the way my life was going. And as I realized this, the rage seemed to disintegrate. I felt like crying – there was a lump in my throat the entire day, but the blind anger was gone. I was calm the entire time, and Sarah and I managed to make naked people out of sand on the beach and have a good day.

Sarah and I ended up getting invited to Samantha's house that early summer soon after, which ended up being a strange night. Samantha's brother – the one who used to prank call me was there. I think Adam, Sam's boyfriend was there as well. We watched a really dumb movie called The Boy Next Door. And then everyone went out to the living room to play Super Smash Bros. It was sort of a ritual that everyone did at Sam's house – though I rarely participated and if I did I always chose Kirby. At some point in the night, either Sarah or I left a drawer open. Samantha's dad Steve came home drunk, saw that the drawer was left open, and started becoming wigged out and violent. Sam's dad was the kind of person to beat someone if lids weren't perfectly put on, if drawers and cupboards weren't completely shut. He was/is a horrible person, and it was baffling and startling to even try to imagine what it must have been like being raised by this guy. Samantha and Jake looked humiliated and nervous. Jake stood up eventually and took the blame for it – even though it had most likely not been the one who had done it. I don't remember what Steve yelled at Jake, but it was horrible and abusive, and though I couldn't see it, I heard scuffling in the kitchen of Steve trying to beat Jake up. I think Jake managed to shove his father and I remember him yelling 'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRIED THIS IN FRONT OF THEM!!'. I felt badly. And I guess when I saw how things in this household, it was easier for me to understand why he had gone above and beyond to make life difficult for me at school.

Steve ended up leaving again thankfully, and we tried to play poker and pretend nothing had happened. I never got the hang of poker. From what I remember, I never had a hand I could play. So I spent the entire time trying to understand how to play without having any options.

Sarah's boyfriend Alex was coming to visit mid June for the first time, which basically meant that I only had about two weeks left to hang out with Sarah for the summer. After that, she would basically be around – but kind of not there. She wanted to spend the whole summer alone with Alex. She halfheartedly told me we would hang out sometimes, but it didn't seem very likely to me. And we both knew that after the summer she was moving to Texas. So for those two weeks, I swallowed every bit of disappointment I could swallow, and I tried to just enjoy being Sarah's friend in the moment. It was basically pointless to be angry anymore, as unfair as it all ended up for me. She had made her choice. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated, and I wanted her to understand fully that I was devastated. But my options were nil, and thinking about my own future was extremely unpleasant to me. The only thing I had to hold onto was the idea that some magical thing might become of me somehow. I didn't even know if I wanted to stay in school anymore. I didn't feel like I had any real talent. I could barely go into a grocery store without having a strong nervous reaction. How was I going to cope with being on my own?

To make matters worse, I remember Samantha asking Sarah 'What's Renee going to do without you Sarah?'. She asked it condescendingly. There was some truth to it which made it all the more frustrating – what was I going to do? But to a degree, I felt like people filled in a lot of blanks about me, and Sarah. Her meaning, behind the surface was to point out that I was weak, or that I couldn't form an opinion, and was incapable of growth – I was the helpless mooch. Sarah shrugged, and knew better than to insult me, and probably feeling guilty, wanted to hope for all the best concerning what would become of me.

My mom had somehow temporarily been able to rent the Nye's house again – the one Danny had us move out of for a few months. They were on their way to selling the place I guess, and were allowing us to stay there for the time being until someone came along. And it kind of ended up being a bit of a shitshow this time around. Germaine (remember her?), from the first house my mom moved into after the divorce was moved in there for some reason. I guess she found my mom bartending and she herself needed a place to stay and asked if she could stay at my mom's place. So, she moved into one of the rooms. She was a drunken narcissistic mess as always – I realized even more nearly a decade later what a truly annoying woman she was. And she had this strange deadbeat guy who she called her boyfriend there too. He was small, thin, had long black hair pulled into a ponytail and a beard. He looked filthy, and didn't say a word. He would sit outside at night against the house for hours. His eyes drifted strangely.

For whatever reason, Maria was homeless too, so she was staying there with her kids. I hadn't truly realized any of this, and had I, Sarah and I would not have decided to visit. The house smelled bad. What's more, my mom was on some kind of strange rage kick. She was acting aggressively towards Maria, finding any cheap thing to criticize her over. She kept making fun of Maria's suicide attempts. In old cartoons it is common for the sleeping character's soul to come out of their body in some kind of astral projection/ghost form, and run amok. I knew I couldn't just smash my mother's face in, but my ghost-self would do just that, and I envisioned angrily knocking her to the ground and forcing her to apologize. My mother can be this horrid cruel person that you never want to see again. She wants to hurt people – Maria being the easiest person to hurt. She liked pushing Maria to a point of harming herself. And my mother also thrives with chaos. So if things are working well, she finds ways to undermine that. She was being that person completely that night. Sarah had never seen my mother like that, I don't think.

What ended up happening was that in the early evening Chantelle, Maria's two and a half year old daughter was sick with a high fever over 100 degrees and she wouldn't stop sobbing. My mom had been storming around screaming at everyone, but she set her sights on Chantelle. She dragged Chantelle by the wrists and began screaming psychotically in Chantelle's face. Of course, Chantelle was a deliriously sick two year old with a fever, and she couldn't and wouldn't stop crying. My mom then started accusing her of faking it. Maria, stepped in of course to defend her toddler, and my mom started screaming at Maria saying she should kill herself if she can't figure her life out. Maria started crying and arguing about something petty. At this point, I stepped in. I couldn't just stand there and watch my mom do her thing. Plus, Chantelle was a little child and wasn't fair game in my book. I told her to knock it off in some form or another. So she turned her total attention on me and began screaming at me – saying I had ruined her life, had prevented her from sleeping (I think she was probably hung over since Germaine was there). I wasn't quite there yet, but I had started reaching a tipping point with what I could handle of screaming and intense meaningless anger. I felt like I was either going to implode, or explode. In either case, my sudden intense feeling of frustration and rage was enough to turn off a good portion of my brain. I was afraid I would simply shove my mother to the floor and begin pounding her face – but at the same time I knew I couldn't do that. My mom almost had a twinkle of joy in her eye – as she could see she was getting an effect.

Then Germaine came out of her bedroom. She had been hung over as well, but had just started her second round of drinking. She sounded like the wicked witch of the west, and had those curling things in her hair. She came out and began screeching at me about how I was to RESPECT MY MOTHER NO MATTER WHAT!!! and that I had somehow been brainwashed by my father to try to destroy my poor mother – which was beyond absurd. I felt like she just wanted in on the action since she had always disliked me but hadn't had a good chance to get involved. The two snarling mean spirited bitches were both hollering at me, and I had to get away then and there, else I would have killed the both of them with my hands or a kitchen knife. I ran out the door crying hysterically. Sarah following me in a state of shock. This resembled absolutely nothing of what she had ever been raised in, and I think it was hard for her to fully imagine having such a wretched mother. Of course, Germaine's creepy boyfriend was hanging around outside the house, seemingly unaffected by any of the fight, and I just ran past him.

We ended up sitting in the gravel a ways from the house. By this time it was night. Sarah hugged me and said she was sorry. I explained to her in a state of misery that this was what I had to look forward to without her being around anymore. It was a true and realistic statement, and at this point my pains and woes were not theoretical anymore. The reality was, that when Sarah left, this essentially was what I could look forward to at random intervals from both my mother and father – in their own styles of course. There would be no escaping to Sarah's house anymore. There would be no good times for me. Despite the fact that Sarah and I fought, she really was a great joy of mine to have. She was my only friend, and the only person who remotely understood me. She may have been kind of self centered and empty headed, but she was endlessly patient with me – and I think she had done the best she could. For all her faults, I had troubles imagining anyone else really actually getting it. She seemed like the only person in the world that actually liked me. And of course, there wasn't an answer. I just cried until, as I talked, I said something funny, and then I laughed and somehow carried on. We ended up driving back home that night.

Three weeks later, Germaine's creepy boyfriend ended up murdering someone. Germaine dumped him a week later, and I guess he must have immediately found another woman to date, because he strangled her to death. My brother reflected recently on the fact that my mom was leaving Allison and David to be watched by this guy. David played video games with this creep alone in a house with him. A testament to my mother's observant parenting skills.

My father, all that year had dated numerous women online. He was trying to fill a void left by Patti, and maybe that void in general that exists with everyone. He even flew down to California to talk to one woman named Suzanna. The names of these women I know vaguely – they failed to make a real mark, the majority of them. They were all my father's world for a month and then they were replaced. I learned to not even think about them anymore, and online dating seemed incredibly unpleasant to me. I never hated any of these women. Most of them heard lies about me and never met me in person, and when they did they approached me with clueless friendliness masking underlying judgment. It didn't feel particularly like anyone involved was really connecting. There was probably twenty or thirty of them – and it never lasted. Tanya, the woman he dated for six months during the summer and fall of 2006, was probably one of my favorites. She was the only girlfriend of his that seemed to actually like me, or understand me even a little bit.

Tanya lived in Spokane, and my father wanted her to meet us. Part of my father's shtick – not that it was altogether inaccurate was that of the single father raising children alone. This wasn't a lie exactly - if you exclude the abuse towards me in my earlier teens and all throughout. But it was used as a corny agenda in order to show women how sensitive he really was, since many father's choose not to be involved with their children and all that. It was all rather phony to me. He also lied about his height. To be fair, I honestly believe that he believed this stuff about himself and about our family. He had sort of erased any wrongdoing he had ever done from his own mind concerning beating me up that one time. He was able to justify and ignore just about anything regarding him expressing violence towards me. And truly, what good would it have done to try to tell these women different? Honestly, most of them were hoping he would pay a bill or two, which he often did and then they would break up with him for someone else they were talking to online. It was a very shallow world. People were afraid of being lonely – and truly – to each their own, but I can't think of anything more lonely than these brief relationships – if you want to call them that.

We first met Tanya in this sort of wannabe Hard Rock Cafe in Spokane. It was night time, the place was loud and my father was nervous. She didn't look at me with judgment and she seemed fairly together and reserved. I liked her overall. At first I was a little insulted because she compared me to Kelly Osbourne – which mostly insulted me since I thought Kelly Osbourne was a little bit campy and was a spoiled brat, but I probably shouldn't have taken it as nearly as insulting as it was not meant as such. We stayed at her place for one night. Her two sons were little hellions – and I could tell she never reprimanded them for anything. All they wanted to do was break things and pull their pants down. They screamed and tore things apart. Allison, David and I slept in her living room watching the first Narnia movie. The next day, Tanya pulled out her collection of Anne Rice novels. She gave me a few of them. She thought I would like them. I guess she had once been the goth of her high school and she wanted to be supportive of me as she felt I was a goth – though I still don't think that I actually was. I had dyed my hair dark again, and whenever I wear my natural hair color I have always been told I looked like a goth since my skin is pale and I like to wear a lot of make up sometimes.

The next day we went to this amusement park of sorts that was in the middle of Spokane near some rivers. It was sort of surreal for me being there, since I had sudden memories of having been there as a child in the early nineties, back when I guess that place had been rather busy. We got on the merry-go-round that I remember riding around when I was one and a half or two back when my parents had just gotten married and had gone up to Spokane for a shopping spree. Everyone was walking around together – me, my siblings Allison and David, Tanya, my father, but it was starting to strongly occur to me that even though people look like they are together, they really are a million miles apart in reality. Nobody was in solidarity here. We weren't a family – or at least, I was not a part of them. I wasn't apart of anyone anymore. I was beginning to feel incredibly alienated. These relationship dynamics were beginning to stick out in my mind everywhere that I went. I would see two people holding hands or kissing, and I couldn't help but notice in conversation they had nothing in common. Neither person actually knew what the other one was going through.

Tanya came to our house one more time a month later, but I wasn't around the house for very long. She might have been trying to scope out to see what my father's home was like. Because in conversation, we lived a Queen Ann style mansion (for it's time) styled home built in 1889, and considered a historical site by the state of Idaho. In reality, the house was this awkward cold place we made worse, and it had numerous issues. Going inside, it was very apparent that we weren't rich, but it might have seemed as though we were from conversations my father had on the phone. My father had this neck massaging thing. Basically, it had these two finger like things on either side of the place where you put your neck, and this machine would turn on and these things would vibrate and rotate around – an attempt to simulate a massage. I remember going downstairs at one point, and Tanya's boys were down there and in broad daylight, right in front of everyone, the were pulling down their pants trying to make the thing touch their privates – which was embarrassing for Tanya and awkward for all of us. These boys were ten and eleven years old, and I couldn't imagine doing what they were doing at that age. Anyway, Tanya eventually broke it off with him sometime after that – though I don't remember why, or how long after. Still, I always regarded her positively. She was never unkind to any of us.

My father had this new social life too. On top of buying absurd amounts of speakers and talking to random women online, he was starting to hang out with this guy named John who made Nickelback styled music in Clarkston – letting John borrow his speakers in hopes to play bass in his band. He also started working part time and semi for free for a friend of his back in the 80's named Rob who was starting a granite business that custom cut granite and other stone and installed it in people's kitchens and bathrooms. My father, as he was learning how to make granite smooth and polished, started collecting the scrap granite and making these weird granite cutting boards out of it, which he would sell cheaply to whoever wanted one. So there were granite cutting boards all over the place as well as speakers. Lastly, and more strange than anything, my conservative anti-drug father began spending a lot of time when he was in Kendrick with Billy, and other prominent drug dealing older teen guys. He was basically trying to assimilate with the druggy crowd from my high school, which was beyond strange. He started wearing his hat on backwards and talking with an attitude – particularly about women. He started drinking a lot and being out late with these guys who were thirty two plus years his junior. I felt like I had lost the plot completely.

It would be about a week before Alex finally came to visit and Sarah would essentially be gone and I would have some new kind of life. I would look back and I couldn't believe that three and a half years ago, I had had over ten people I considered some kind of friend. Where had everybody gone? I felt lost and depressed – but in a way I had never felt before. It felt like parts of my core personality were being stripped from me – that thoughts and words held no truth in and of themselves. They had to be sharpened like weapons and used in abstract ways. The world seemed upside down. I was losing my certainty about everything I thought that I knew. I wanted to get down to the bottom core truth of everything, but where could that be found? Was it love? Was it in art? Books? Religion or philosophy? Was the world we lived in primarily made of essence of perception, or were we living in the material? And why did I exist? Why did anything exist at all? It seemed impossible for me to know what to do next with my life. And I felt this burning sense that there was a truth that existed, and I needed to find it.

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years ago

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Michael After Midnight: Guardians of the Galaxy

So as you may well know, I loved Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I can safely say it’s my favorite movie ever made… or one of them, anyway. While I do think it is marginally better, there is a marginally there, and I gotta be honest, I still love part one just as much in its own way. Guardians of the Galaxy is one of the coolest, freshest, and most out-there superhero comic book movies of the past decade, and a stylish change of pace for the sometimes very formulaic MCU.

But who could have guessed that? The MCU was known for taking the less famous heroes in its roster (Since they didn’t have Spider-Man, the X-Men, or the Fantastic Four to work with) and turn them into juggernaut blockbusters, but did anyone really guess that they could take a bunch of characters as obscure as the Guardians and make a quality film with them? And that’s not the only reason this movie was a gamble; this movie was almost totally detached from the rest of the MCU and its overarching plot, with the appearances of Thanos and the Collector (both of whom only appear in a single scene, though the Collector also pops up in a post-credits stinger) being the only connection to other movies, and even then, both characters were relegated to stingers to foreshadow future movies anyway! And then you have to throw in the fact that the movie is directed and written by a guy who directed cult movies and the horrendous Movie 43, the fact that one character is a talking tree, the fact another character is a talking raccoon who uses guns, and the fact the MCU is locked out of using characters like the Skrulls, Galactus, and the Silver Surfer… you can kinda see why this was a risky move on their part.

But oh boy, did it ever pay off. Rave reviews, audience love, and people hyped for more… it’s safe to say that Guardians is one of the best films in the entire MCU, and it really set itself up as a nearly impossible act to follow, which is all the more impressive seeing as it came after Captain America: The Winter Soldier, ANOTHER very tough act to follow. So, now that we have all this context, why are Peter Quill and his rambling gang of space jerks so endearing and enjoyable? Well, here’s the story:

Peter Quill was a young Earth boy taken in by the alien Yondu and his band of Ravagers on the eve of his mother’s death by brain tumor. Decades later, Peter is all grown up and calling himself Star-Lord, and is now about space pirating. Unfortunately for him, the latest trinket he stole (and left Yondu out of the loop on) is something that the Mad Titan himself, Thanos, is looking for. Thanos sends his daughter Gamora out to retrieve it, and at the same time, bounty hunters Rocket and Groot decide to take Quill in for the price on his head. All of them fight and end up in prison, where they meet Drax the Destroyer, a man who desires vengeance against Ronan the Accuser, a fanatical Kree renegade who serves Thanos. These unlikely allies decide to team up to escape the prison they’re trapped in and head off to sell the object for massive amounts of cash; however, Ronan is hot on their tails, desiring the object for himself. Can these knuckleheads stop bickering long enough to make some big bucks, or is Ronan going to destroy them all?

The biggest selling point for this movie is how weird it is in comparison to the rest of the MCU. Due to its weird, cosmic nature, Guardians gets to throw in stuff you’d never see anywhere else. We have Rocket, the gun-toting raccoon; Groot, the talking tree man who can only say “I am Groot” and who acts as Rocket’s bodyguard and best pal; we have Drax, an alien who literally cannot grasp the concept of metaphors and jokes; and then we have weird cameos from Cosmo the Russian space dog and, most famously, Howard the Duck. The only reason it’s easy to swallow Howard being here is because he only appears in the stinger to a movie that has featured the aforementioned gun-toting raccoon seriously; he’s the perfect capstone to this awesomely strange film.

But hey, this film is more than just weird and wacky characters; it has a kickass soundtrack, too! “Hooked on a Feeling,” “Escape (The Pina Colada Song),” “Cherry Bomb,” “I Want You Back”… Peter’s mom had great taste, and gave it to her son in the gift of a treasured Walkman. The soundtrack is another big reason the film is great; from the moment that “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone kicks up while Peter dances about the ruins he’s raiding during the opening credits, I could tell I would love the movie. It’s just a perfect summation of the movie as a whole: dark, intense dramatic moments followed up with goofy, fun, lighthearted moments.

Now, a comic book movie is only as good as its villain… so how are the villains in this movie? Well, there are actually quite a few antagonists here: Ronan the Accuser, Nebula, to a very small extent due to his minimal role Thanos, and in a not-evil-but-antagonistic role Yondu. Let’s start with the big bad, Ronan: Ronan is a villain I’m of two minds about. On the one hand, he definitely fits the “Generic Doomsday Villain” mold in a lot of ways, acting more like a roadblock for the characters to overcome than a truly complex antagonist. On the other hand… Lee Pace, his actor, throws himself into the role and elevates it above its genericness by being a truly incredible ham. Ronan’s every line of dialogue involves him chewing the scenery to the highest degree, which makes him a solid villain at the very least. What he lacks in being truly complex he makes up for in sheer hamminess, which is more than can be said of wasted villains like Malekith.

For the other antagonists and villains, Nebula is incredibly cool, but also pretty underused, really only getting one big fight scene at the movie’s end and kind of standing on the sidelines for most of the rest of the film. This is one thing the sequel definitely did better, which is also the case with Yondu, but for a different reason. As in the sequel, Yondu is absolutely fantastic and badass here, and Michael Rooker is clearly making the best of every second he appears, making him easily one of the best characters of the film… but the sequel gave him even more badass moments and even more character development. Still, Yondu was well-established by this film and is utilized quite well. As for Thanos, well, he gets but a single scene… but what a single scene it is. Josh Brolin gets to show off his skills playing the Mad Titan in all his glory, and he is everything he should be. He’s intimidating, he’s badass, and every line of his is just oozing with the capacity to be a bombastic ham of galactic proportions. This is his first impression, and my what an impression it is!

Guardians of the Galaxy is a modern comic book movie masterpiece. As the introduction/origin story, yes, there are some rough patches here and there, but for what it was trying to do and ultimately did, well, it’s really an incredible movie. And let’s be real: this probably opened the door for other movies that might not have been made otherwise. As an action-comedy superhero film, it paved the way for movies like Deadpool and ESPECIALLY Suicide Squad, which seems like this movie after a lobotomy. It’s a big step forward for comic book movies, for better and for worse.

Even if I like the sequel a bit better, I can’t help but stress it is just a bit. Like the sequel is at 100% and this movie is about 91%. They’re tied for my favorite movie ever, and I think to truly appreciate them they need to be watched one after the other, Kill Bill style. Needless to say I give this movie the utmost recommendation: if you like action-comedies, superhero movies, sci-fi, any of that, this is the movie for you.

Guardians of the Galaxy has manged to stay the freshest series in the MCU so far aside from Captain America; the Thor and Iron Man movies went downhill after their first installments (though the third Thor movie is looking good from the trailers), and Age of Ultron was a flawed but not irredeemable mess. Only time will tell, but it seems quite likely that so long as James Gunn has his way, the Guardians series will always be fantastic space action fun.

Infinitely rewatchable, infinitely quotable, and infinitely enjoyable… movies like this don’t come around often.

#Michael After Midnight #Review #Movie review #Guardians of the Galaxy #Marvel #MCU #Peter Quill #Thanos #sci-fi #action-comedy #Yondu #comic book movie

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cunzy4 · 7 years ago

Text

FlugPlates: Book 1

This is the story of W.D Gaster’s deepest secrets. Specifically, his hidden identity as a fusion of Black Hat and Doctor Flug.

“Are you feeling all right, my friend?” Asgore asked with concern. “You’ve hardly touched your tea.”

Gaster barely glanced at Asgore before returning his gaze to his damaged hands. “I’m perfectly fine, Your Majesty. Just… a headache, is all.” His magic hands signed quickly as he spoke.

It wasn’t even a lie, technically. Gaster’s head was throbbing with the telltale signs of an imminent separation. Inwardly, he cursed the less-willing half of this pairing for complicating matters so frequently.

Claiming his head was bothering him, he excused himself from Asgore’s company and quickly returned to his lab. 1-S and 2-P watched him apprehensively as he approached their cell, but he swept past their door without even looking their way.

Shaking with the effort of holding his disparate halves together, Gaster lurched into a seldom-used storage room and locked himself in. He stumbled as his form began to lose cohesion, and with a bright flash, Gaster was two people. The taller of the pair landed on his feet, adjusting his monocle irritably as the other half of Gaster collapsed onto the floor.

“Honestly, Flug, why must you make everything so difficult?” Black Hat hissed, glaring disdainfully at the figure cowering on the bare concrete. He was covering the scarred flesh on what remained of his face with both hands, shaking with fear and panic.

“I- I’m sorry, I- I tried! I c-can’t keep it up for s-so long!” Flug whimpered. “P-please, I’ll do b-better- AUGH!”

He cut off with a scream of pain as Black Hat’s foot connected with his ribs. He abandoned his attempt to cover his face, curling in a ball with his arms around his knees as he tried to shield himself from Black Hat’s vindictive kicks.

“You- useless- waste- of- oxygen!” Black Hat punctuated each kick with a shout. Flug drowned him out with his screams and incoherent pleas, but Black Hat didn’t let up.

Down the hall, two small skeletons turned their heads curiously. “do you hear something, bro?” one of them asked.

“I DON’T KNOW…” the other one said slowly. “THERE’S NO ONE ELSE DOWN HERE, RIGHT?”

The first one shrugged. “guess it’s nothing.”

Cuddling up together, they both leaned against the wall and went back to sleep.

Flug was a bleeding, sobbing mess by the time Black Hat got bored of kicking him. Several of the scars on his face had torn open once again, leaving him even further disfigured.

“I’m sick of you,” Black hat snapped. Sneering at the cowering scientist, he unlocked the door and swept disdainfully out of the room. Flug heard the lock click behind him.

Some hours later, Black Hat returned. Flug was curled up in the corner, hiding his face again with a discarded Glamburger wrapper. He whimpered when he heard the telltale footsteps, then a moment later he was lifted off the ground by his collar.

“Fuse. Now,” Black Hat ordered.

Flug clawed at the hand around his neck, gasping for breath. “No- please- I can’t!” he begged. “Don’t- don’t make me-”

He choked as Black Hat slammed him against the wall with one hand. “YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE!” Black Hat roared, his face becoming a demonic visage of nightmares.

Flug continued to struggle for an instant, then fell still. He hung limply against the wall as he acknowledged the truth in Black Hat’s words. He no longer had any control over his life. His only purpose was to be the non-dominant half of another personality, useful only for providing knowledge and staying out of the way of the other consciousness.

Construing Flug’s silence for surrender, Black Hat leaned uncomfortably close… then even closer. In another flash of light, Doctor W.D. Gaster had returned. Flug felt his mind subsumed by the other, his very existence pushed to the bottom of their shared consciousness. Dimly, he recognized that their pairing was barely functional, which would force another separation within a matter of weeks. Black Hat and Flug’s souls were far from compatible. More often than not, this led to odd anomalies in Gaster’s already unstable personality.

Gaster didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was once again whole and prepared to work some evil science. He straightened his lab coat, brusquely striding out of the storage room. Perhaps there would still be time to perform some experiments today.

----------

Gaster had been holding himself together for too long.

2-P was on the table today. Gaster studiously ignored both the usual pleas for mercy and his own pounding headache. His so-called conscience had been troubling him more than usual today, as his two halves continued their unequal war inside his SOUL. He could beat down that weak but persistent part of his joint psyche that screamed at him constantly that this was wrong, wrong WRONG but he could never silence it completely. And today, with the pounding bone-deep ache that warned him that his incompatible halves were about to reject each other once again, he simply didn’t have the strength to force Flug to be quiet.

Unfortunately, 2-P seemed to notice his discomfort. “IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?” he asked, concerned. “ARE YOU FEELING UNWELL? DO YOU NEED ME TO HEAL YOU?”

Gaster paused in his preparations, staring at 2-P as though he were an alien creature. To be here, strapped to an operating table, about to endure unimaginable agony, and still offer kindness to his tormentor? Gaster would never understand 2-P.

At least, part of him wouldn’t.

“Be silent,” he snapped, turning back to his workbench and picking up a drill. 2-P flinched as it whined to life, but kept looking at Gaster with those piercing eyes, as though he could see through all of Gaster’s defenses.

Avoiding eye contact with 2-P, Gaster positioned the drill between two of the vertebrae in his neck. The drill bit was a millimeter from the bone, but Gaster hesitated. Under the pretext of fiddling with the drill’s controls, he drew back. 2-P still stared at him with those plaintive eyes, those eyes that he suddenly couldn’t stand to look at.

Gaster turned back to the workbench, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to find his resolve. Ordinarily he wouldn’t have allowed himself to work on any of his more ethically questionable experiments when he was in this unstable of a state, but he was behind schedule and had no choice.

No choice… he told himself that so frequently. He couldn’t let himself believe anything else.

Gritting his teeth, he turned back to the frightened 2-P and started the drill once again. With shaking hands, he held the drill to 2-P’s neck…

And flinched away again, dropping the drill and clutching at his head with both hands. He stumbled back, knocking over his workbench with a horrendous clatter.

“WHAT’S WRONG?” 2-P cried, struggling to escape the restraints in an attempt to rush to Gaster’s aid.

“Augh!” Gaster hissed, trying to block out the voices, both external and internal. “Why do you care? Just SHUT UP!”

Before 2-P could respond, Gaster answered himself. “I- I can’t! You can’t do this!”

“Stop it! STOP IT!” Gaster shrieked. 2-P watched, speechless in utter shock, as Gaster vanished in a flash of light. In his place stood a tall man in a black hat, and a cowering man with a tattered lab coat and a paper bag over his head.

“You fool,” the tall man snarled. “Now look what you’ve done!”

“I-I’m sorry!” the other one sniveled. “I c-couldn’t help it!”

“Honestly, is there no end to your uselessness?” A tendril of shadows originating from the tall man seemed to slide across the floor, lifting up the other one and slamming him against the wall. The man wearing the bag cried out in pain, struggling to get away as he was thrown against the wall again and again.

“STOP!” 2-P shouted from the table. “YOU’RE HURTING HIM!”

The tall man shot a glare at 2-P, snorting disdainfully. “I suppose the cat’s out of the bag now, unlike you,” he sneered at his counterpart.

“W-WHAT’S GOING ON?” 2-P demanded, a quiver in his voice.

“Ugh,” the tall man scoffed. “I don’t have time to explain to you useless creatures. And I’m too tired to fuse again, so it looks like you’ll be spending some quality time together.” As he spoke, another shadowy tendril released 2-P from the table and lifted him by his neck. Carrying them both behind him, the tall man swept out of the room and back towards the cell.

1-S looked up in confusion when he heard the footsteps returning far too soon, then his eyes widened in fear when he saw two strangers with his brother instead of Him. Before he could react, the beams deactivated and his brother was dumped into the cell along with one of the strangers. The other man reactivated the beams without a word, sweeping out of sight down the hall. 2-P immediately tackled his brother in a hug, pushing him into the corner to shield him from any potential actions the stranger in their cell might take. They both crouched near the bench, holding each other protectively, as they watched the other man sink to the floor in the opposite corner. He wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding his bagged face and making quiet sobbing noises.

“what is this?” 1-S whispered. “who’s that?”

“I DON’T KNOW,” 2-P responded. “HE WAS ABOUT TO DRILL ME, BUT… HE STOPPED, AND STARTED SHAKING, AND THEN… HE SPLIT INTO TWO PEOPLE.”

“…what?” 1-S said incredulously. 2-P just shrugged.

The two skeletons stared at him for several minutes, but he made no move to get up. Hesitantly, 2-P let go of his brother and made to stand up. 1-S grabbed his wrist, yanking him back.

“what are you doing?” he hissed. “don’t get close to him!”

“I THINK HE’S HURT!” 2-P protested, as quietly as he was able.

“so what? we can’t trust him! we can’t trust anyone!”

2-P knelt back down, giving his brother a gentle but determined stare. “IT DOESN’T MATTER,” he said softly. “IF HE NEEDS HELP, I’M GOING TO HELP HIM NO MATTER WHAT.”

“bro, no…” 1-S protested, but 2-P was already crouching next to the stranger. “EXCUSE ME,” he said politely. The stranger flinched away with a whimper. “I’M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU,” 2-P assured. “I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOUR NAME.”

The man peeked at him, tears swimming in his goggles. “I- I’m Doctor Flug.” “IT’S NICE TO MEET YOU,” 2-P said politely. Flug winced as though he had been struck.

2-P cocked his head. “ARE YOU HURT?” he asked, his voice full of concern. “DO YOU NEED ME TO HEAL YOU?”

Flug shrunk into the corner, his goggles filling with tears beneath the paper bag. “No…” he whispered. “D-don’t touch me. I don’t d-deserve your kindness.”

“DON’T SAY THAT,” 2-P implored. “IF YOU NEED HELP, THEN I SHOULD-“

“I said no!” Flug shouted. 2-P pulled back, surprised. 1-S stood up, prepared to rush to his brother’s defense.

Flug stared at him for a moment, then seemed to collapse back in on himself. “Y-you shouldn’t be nice to me,” he whimpered, his voice quiet again. “Especially you two. After everything- everything we’ve done- I’ve done…”

1-S was standing next to his brother now, pulling him back a step. “tell us who you are,” he said in his best attempt at an authoritative voice. He couldn’t quite hide the plaintive tone behind the words, the deep resignation of the fact that no matter how forcefully he spoke, he had no power over the situation.

Flug sniffed. “I’m- I’m Doctor Gaster. Half of him, anyway.” He looked back up at the boys. “Oh… I guess you don’t know his name. He’s- we’re- the ones who created you and keep you trapped down here…”

“i knew it,” 1-S muttered. Flug just looked at the floor.

“BUT- WHO IS THE OTHER MAN?”

Flug gulped. “His name is Black Hat. This whole situation- us becoming Doctor Gaster, creating you and all of these experiments, it was all his idea. I- I tried to- to stop him-“

At that, Flug burst into tears again. “I’m so- so sorry!” he sobbed, gasping for breath. “I couldn’t s-stop him! I couldn’t save you! I tried- I tried so hard- but I was never strong enough to- to do anything- “

2-P knelt next to Flug, frowning sympathetically. “BUT IT WASN’T YOU, RIGHT? YOU SAID IT WAS HIM.”

“W-when we fuse, we’re the s-same person,” Flug explained shakily. “It was me- I remember doing all those- those horrible things to you- I’m sorry, I just- I’m so sorry!” With that, he broke down in sobs and incoherent apologies, burying his head in his knees.

1-S and 2-P exchanged a loaded glance. 1-S shook his head slightly, but 2-P reached out and gently rested a skeletal hand on Flug’s knee.

Flug jerked away, looking up in surprise to see 2-P’s eyes glowing a gentle orange. He was smiling softly.

“I’M SO GLAD TO MEET YOU,” he said. “I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS GOOD IN HIM, AND I WAS RIGHT, BECAUSE IT’S YOU. I COULD TELL THERE WAS PART OF HIM THAT DIDN’T WANT TO HURT US, AND IT’S ALL RIGHT THAT YOU WEREN’T STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD HIM BACK. BECAUSE WE AREN’T, EITHER. SO… I FORGIVE YOU.”

Flug stared at 2-P in shocked silence. His paper bag was almost completely soaked through. Before he could respond, the beams deactivated again. All three of them jumped in surprise as Black Hat appeared in the doorway.

“Come along, you useless idiot,” he snapped. “We’ve got work to do.”

Flug yelped as a tendril of shadow wrapped around his ankle, dragging him out from between the boys and out of the room. Without another word exchanged, Black Hat reactivated the beams and vanished down the hall, Flug sliding along the floor behind him.

1-S and 2-P sat in silence for several long moments.

“bro?” 1-S finally said.

“YES, BROTHER?” 2-P responded, pulling him into a hug on the bench.

“you’re so cool.”

2-P smiled. “I KNOW.”

-----

Flug struggled uselessly as Black Hat dragged him down the hall by his ankle. His tear-stained paper bag fell off at some point, leaving his mutilated face in full view. He whacked his head on a threshold as he was pulled through a door, knocking him senseless for a moment. When his vision cleared, he realized that he was being lifted onto the same operating table that 2-P had been released from earlier.

“Wh-what’s going on?” he asked anxiously. “Aren’t we going to f-fuse?”

Black Hat only smiled. His pointy teeth gleamed in the low fluorescent light. “We have to get some science done today,” he explained as he fastened the restraints around Flug. “And since you’re so determined to interfere and protect our worthless subjects, it looks like you’ll be taking their place.”

“Wait! No, you c-can’t! Don’t we n-need to fuse?!” Flug begged, thrashing in a futile attempt to get away. He knew from watching his two helpless subjects- his children- struggle in the same circumstances that there was no escaping the fate that awaited him in the immediate future.

“When I’m done with you,” Black Hat leaned over him, blocking out the ceiling light so the only features Flug could see were his glowing eyes, “you’ll be begging to fuse.”

Far down the hall, still huddled together on their bench, 1-S and 2-P heard the screams reverberate through the lab. 1-S’s expression was inscrutable, his eyes completely dark. 2-P just looked mournful.

“I HOPE HE’LL BE OKAY…” he fretted.

“bro, i don’t think any of us will be okay,” 1-S said bitterly.

Holding each other tightly, the boys tried to block out the noises of Flug’s anguish.

It took hours for the screaming to die down.

-----------

Gaster had never had more difficulty holding himself together. His weaker half, his so-called conscience, was rebelling at every turn. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to perform any experiments on his subjects since the secret of his duality had been revealed.

In retrospect, he should have just kept that wretched scientist locked up in the lab and forced his cooperation through other means. But Flug had been so dead set against the plan of creating artificial life that forcing a long-term fusion had seemed the most efficient way of taking Flug’s scientific knowledge for himself.

After all, anyone can ignore their conscience.

With his usual pastime of tormenting his subjects in the name of science currently an unpalatable concept, Gaster turned his attention to the incessant mechanical problems that were being reported in the Core. Evidently, the quality of workers that had been hired to maintain the machine’s operation was sadly lacking.

With that in mind, Gaster collected the relevant schematics and tools to perform a test on the Core’s main computer. As he left the Lab, his accursed conscience reminded him that he hadn’t fed his subjects yet. Doubling back and tossing a package of cookies through the beams only put him five minutes behind his rigid schedule, but the delay still chafed at his organized mind. Walking swiftly and purposefully, Gaster made the short trek through Hotland to reach the Core.

Whose brilliant idea was it to have the central computer perched on a walkway in the middle of a river of lava? Gaster grumbled to himself as he carefully navigated the rather precarious scaffolding. And what idiot is responsible for the lack of safety railings in here?

His conscience shot him the mental equivalent of a bitter glare. He ignored it. The central computer blinked cheerfully at Gaster, mocking his bleak mood. Unfortunately, most of the flashing lights were warnings of some sort or other. Someone had gotten dangerously lax with the maintenance of the place. It wasn’t as though this machine, Gaster’s greatest achievement, was not only responsible for powering the entire Underground but could also create catastrophic consequences if it failed. No, nothing like that.

Gaster hastily unscrewed the panel that accessed the computer’s mainframe as he muttered acerbic comments under his breath. Even the wires themselves showed signs of corrosion, most likely the result of mineral buildup that could have been prevented if those maintenance fools would do their damn jobs.

His mood souring further with every passing second, Gaster poked further into the mainframe to survey the damage. No wonder there are so many problems here. A gentle breeze could cause this entire system could fail entirely.

Several sets of magic hands set to work at once, stripping wires and realigning sockets with swift precision. Within minutes, Gaster had undone several months’ worth of minor damage that had built up to the point of posing a serious threat. He felt his disdain for those incompetent workers build up with every patch of rust he carefully polished away.

How dare they treat my most beautiful creation in such a careless manner? The Core is my pride and joy, my legacy, my… my baby.

NO!

Gaster recoiled at the force of his own thoughts. His dual nature, held in check through sheer force of will, was suddenly splintering.

How DARE you? Gaster screamed at himself. His head reeled as his two sides, both as purely and irrevocably him as his own right and left hands, turned on each other with a ferocity that Gaster had never felt before.

Silence, you fool! Gaster’s other half hissed. Your petty sentimentality is utterly pointless. Now shut up and let me work.

This… this THING is not your child! Your children are the ones you hurt over and over in the name of “science,” and you don’t deserve to be anywhere near them!

Gaster clutched his head, groaning in distress as his halves battled.

You’re not the one in charge here! Black Hat roared, asserting his dominance in an attempt to push Flug back down to the bottom of their subconscious. But Flug fought back with an assault of memories. The times Gaster hadn’t acted like quite such a monster, the times that his kinder side had shown through, were brought to the forefront of their shared mind.

1-S, long before his innocence had been shattered, looking at him with stars in his eyes as Gaster began to explain the concept of mathematics.

2-P, his desolate face lighting up as Gaster offered him the tiniest of mercy in the form of the color cube.

Gaster spending an afternoon watching them sleep somewhat peacefully on the monitors instead of working.

The most recent memory of all, not even one of Gaster’s, of 2-P—Papyrus—smiling at him in a way that he would never deserve, his eyes shining brightly in an attempt to comfort his confessed tormentor.

“I FORGIVE YOU,” Papyrus said.

In an instant, Gaster had vanished. In his place, Black Hat grappled with Flug on the precarious scaffolding. Flug was shorter, comparatively frail, and had no combat skills or magic attacks to speak of, but he didn’t back down.

“You- will- never- come near those children again!” Flug shouted, shoving Black Hat against the computer console.

“You pathetic weakling!” Black Hat snarled. “You think you can tell me what to do?” As he spoke, a shadowy tentacle wrapped around Flug’s neck, lifting him off the ground. “I am a thousand times stronger than you!”

Leaning close to Flug’s obscured face, Black Hat hissed, “in fact, you’ve become redundant. I can finish the project without you.”

“N-never…” Flug choked, clawing at the constricting appendage with one hand. “I won’t… let you…”

Black Hat grinned widely as he watched Flug struggle. Perhaps, once I kill him, I’ll-

His vision went white as Flug’s other hand closed around a wrench left discarded on the computer console, and he swung it up against the side of Black Hat’s head.

Black Hat was knocked off his feet, reflexively releasing Flug as his top hat spun off the catwalk into the river of hissing magma. Flug hit the ground, coughing and gasping, but struggled to his feet.

Black Hat was recovering his bearings, just beginning to straighten up, when he felt Flug forcefully shove him. He snarled contemptuously at the feeble impact. The scrawny scientist was only strong enough to knock Black Hat back a single step, but his foot hit nothing but air.

Black Hat teetered for a split second, his face a mask of horror and fury, then he disappeared from view.

There was a long moment of silence. Flug waited, paralyzed, as he anticipated Black Hat pulling another trick and reappearing in an instant. As the seconds ticked by and nothing happened, Flug slowly sank to his knees next to the computer console.

It took him the better part of five minutes to recover his wits enough to straighten his bag and pull himself to his feet. It took him several minutes after that to remember how to walk, and he made his way carefully out of the Core alone.

He wanted nothing more than to curl up where he stood and sleep for a week, but he had a job to do.

There were two children whose freedom was long overdue.

#fanfic #flugplates #black hat #flug #handplates #zarla-s #villainous #undertale #SU elements #bit of a crack fic

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