#qnd i just feel like im being a person i dont fucking like

[nicodaws]

. hi irls dont read this pls thanks . honestly no1 read this is so incoherent i just wanna put it somewhere bc im too in my head .

[watch-out-it-bites]

he said he would stop bothering us since I apologized then like days after he goes on an alt and bothers, or what happened a week ago or so I HATE HIM HFHBBNNJhhrvrvrhhrrrjjjjjjj

[al6nst]

could we get nsfw/kink hcs for jolyne and hermes with a dom!male s/o? please and thank you!!!

RAAAAHHH YEAAAHH!!!! im not that good with this so sorry

get you, jolymes

SMUT UNDER READ MORE MDNI🐺

sketch info : jolymes seperate w male reader, smut hcs obvi, dom male reader, reader gets switchy in hermes' part, nsfw hcs.

JOLYNE KUJO is kinda freaky, shes into whatever you're into unless you arent a fuckin creepo! oral is one of her fav things, esp receiving it. but she does a pretty good job giving it too. shes very vocal during sex too, praise and degradation go both ways, giving and receiving, and shes definitelygoing to let you know what she likes and doesnt like. another one of her kinks is shibari/bondage.. ahah, this almost has nothing to do with stone free. Public sex is a no, semi public is ehh cause i think shes very romantic and loving.

breeding is 100% her favorite thing. After spending so much time with emporio, she changes everything about her, and when shes around babies she just goes nuts. overstimulation is good too, but she doesnt like going too far. somnophilia is great too, especially when shes feeling too tired from playing and working, when you put it in it just drives her mad. she falls asleep so quickly with your soft voice and slow thrusts. and when youre both feeling pent up, makes it even better. she lasts very long and likes it rough, shell make sure its enjoyable for the both of you.

jolynes nipples are extremely sensitive, even more during sex. speaking of nipples, i think she would lactate not alot, but if its a day when shes leaking, shes gonna let you do the job for her. "fuck.. too much.." her moans are so cute too.

hair pulling is a yes, and so is body praise. again, she has a size kink, and her body is pretty small too. her slightly musculare frame makes it much better, if youre a big guy, hell yeah. belly bulge is insane, and she just breaks if you press on it softly. spit in her mouth and pull her hair, she again, is a freak. i think she would like being spanked, personally. but i dont know, knife play might be a better choice for her.

got no more ideas for girlie, sorry!

(H)ERMES COSTELLO is not as freaky as jolyne, but shes still freaky.. fym youll give him your panties? Anyways

ermes' chest is most definitely sensitive, shes got them surgically altered, so be nice! she likes to get pretty risky too, doing it in public settings like the bathroom, by windows and changing stalls are a good way to get steam off. quickies will happen very very often, its not suprising either. i believe she has a very high libido, and its kinda hard for her to control it.

she likes riding you at first, making her seem dominant. but further in your relationship, she likes being more submissive cause its a struggle to be a bad bitch and be dominant at the same time. overstimulation goes hard, both giving and receiving, and shes good at giving head too. its the best, literally. kissing, no pun intended, is also really needed, she likes being taken care of no matter who you are.

Personally, personally me. i think she has like, big mouth space and no gag reflex, so have fun with that.

UGH IM SORRY I DONT WRITE FOR GIRLS IDK HOW

wow this was an emotional rollercoaster i cried twice while writing it cause i didnt like how i wrote for them, sorry rqstr! im not good at writing girls qnd hcs

[asmoshoebox]

you know i love those dash simulator posts but it would be silly to make one for bvm haha

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🤖 hellzbelz reblogged blasphem-baby-one-more-time

💿 gerard-streets-thighs Follow

cashier at hot topic yesterday said he liked my shoelaces but he seemed really genuine and i was wearing my boots with the gay laces so i just fistbumped him and walked away. do i deserve to be drawn and quartered over this minor social faux pas yes or no

#prev LMFAO #keep doing it

423 notes

🌈 becks-lox-rebagels

the only thing worse than applying for jobs is interviewing for jobs what the fuck was that phone call ??????? i swear the guy (?) sounded like they were literally dying. prolly just a smoker though 💀 i hope this gig works out man i dont feel great about it

#the good news is my bubbe is coming to see us next week :) #becks personal log

1 note

🤖 hellzbelz reblogged

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

WHY THE FUCK IS GAS SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE IM GOING TO EXPLODE EVERYONE ON THIS DAMN PLANET

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

they don't know this post is about the hearse running out of gas on the turnpike last week. with. you know. things. inside of it

#wtf misnis

327 notes

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time reblogged

🤖 hellzbelz

dude qhat if there was a way to make like. so so you knwo how money s madeup right .well wht if it was worse

🤖 hellzbelz

like if isnteadof it being materials we assign arbitrsry value ot based on manufactres scarcity wht if it was digital adn the value was based onlike uniqhe digital signaturess and algorthims qnd all the value came fromn specualotye invensitmetn instea d of anything REMTOELY real lmfaooooooo

doctorsexy-deactivated20210504

🌐 worldheritageposts Follow

Date of Origin: March 3, 2009

#who keeps bringing this back lmao cryptocurrency is already dead

93,672 notes

🕸 inthefogofmyowndarkinnermind reblogged

👻 beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeejeezus Follow

girl help there's a cosplayer on the bus rn in FULL monster mode it's SO FUCKING COOL and also HOT

👻 beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeejeezus

they did like an eldritch double face thing and the makeup is impeccable, it looks so real that i just. i just wanna lick it. "i saw you from across the bus and think you're super intimidating, can i bite you?" but genuinely !!!!!!!!! also they're like suuuper gnc which makes it one morbillion times sexier. god. definitely drawing them when i get home

#woagh that sounds rad as hell. and soooo valid op #like. i just want to eat a demon out and die with its talons inside me #and frankly i dont think thats too much to ask

315 notes

🔥 vintagefaggotry reblogged starry-cocked-adonis

wetnwilde-secondedition

"oh, i don't think you're ready yet," he says, pressing a broad, calloused finger against your dripping cunt. "i wouldn't want to hurt you, after all.....

Keep reading

🍷 starry-cocked-adonis Follow

new blog same fat wet manhole! they will never kill me in a way that matters!

#asmo originals archive #i miss my old url smh

667 notes

💀 damiens-demon-lair reblogged

🕸 inthefogofmyowndarkinnermind

rly loved the dusk over campus tonight 🦇

#omg slay #gothcore #goth #aesthetic #alt aesthetic

25 notes

🤖 hellzbelz reblogged

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time

bee butts. you agree. reblog.

1,634 notes

🔥 vintagefaggotry reblogged

🚬 maiale-e-fagioli

#bestie why are you polling tumbler about this #personally id keep it #makes a great tactile stim

2 notes

💀 damiens-demon-lair

might change my name again. i like damien but it just doesnt feel like me anymore idk idk

#i dont understanddd it just feels Wrong #sometimes i feel like theres really smth wrong with me man #and not in the goth way #like im goth i know that but being a goth guy is just. blegh #goth girls just have so many more options for looks it's not fair

1 note

🎸 blasphem-baby-one-more-time reblogged

😈 mallratgothbandofficial Follow

We're coming.....and we hope you will too...

This Saturday at the Moonbeef Cafe in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania

#BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

[spiderlegeyelashes]

oh i may be lonely

sad as hell

[obitv]

OOOOO YOU WANNA SHARE UR WILLOW OUTFIT IDEASSO BAD (HYPNOTIZING YOU

HIII okok but feel free to ask for clarification because 90% of my doodles were Bad and also on the backs of my exam papers so i do not have them anyway so this is all just going to be words

her skirt is my fave thing.... obviously her only options for clothes that arent williams are whatever rosemary has so they look fairly similar on that front (qnd rosemary si the only other person willow can talk to right now and shed rather mimic her than william etc etc). she has a really long loose skirt that trails on the floor <3 it originally had a slit up the leg because 90% of rosemarys skirts have those but willow added a sortof mesh/fishnet covering so the slit is still There but you can't actually see thriugh it. the whole skirt is black and its like. silk i guess? something along those lines. theres also like... a sash type belt??? at the top? i dont know if it actually holds the skirt up or not but its there and it ties at on hip and the ends hang down and its cute

her top. is. ok hang on im getting a reference up because i want you to understand the visual here

^ first ikage to show ehat it actually looks like and second image to show that you can put images on it . so yeah its the one of the left but instead of a sailor moon print its those fucking. 3 wolves in front of the moon print. you know the one. the sash is highwasited enough that it makes up for thr shirt being cropped. HOWEVERRRRR its not a tanktop like those ones its an off the shoulders top that connects to full length LONG AS FUCK SLEEVES!!!!! my girl has the most stupid inconvenientdraed sleeves of all time and i love them. she cant pick things up half yhe time ANYWAY so its not like she really needs her hands all the time so the excess fabric doesnt get in the eay all the time

also last part this ties into my william hcs but she has his piercings obvi but!! she swaps out the jewellery :3 she dyes the white streak red so to match that she swaps the snakbites out for red gems instead of the silver studs william wears

[cameronmitchelljohn]

tw big vent abt alot cuz ive got alot on my mind

god i i hateEVERY5HINGGFGGeverything just feels off i hate myseld i hate how i feel this constant urge to fit in but i do not fit in one bit at all qnd im just so so alone but i HAVE friends bur i dont know my place . i never call people my friends/find it very very hard to cuz how do i know you like me like that ??? what if youre lretending 5o like me just so i llay along???????ihate how other people see me i think people are my best friends but theyre not and because of that i just. dont consider people my friends anymore . its just so arghhhhhi dont feel i fit in anywhere and it fucking SUCKS. i am so dependent on other people and i hate it i had a massive phase where i couldnt even make my own food because i needed someone to tell me how mu h to eat i never did anything without someone telling me how much to do it or whether to do itbat all and i ended up fucking clingy and this fucking MESS im stuck always just being a dick to tey het people to like me but Bro thats . not me thats not who i am its Augrhhhdhshshs who even AM i god i. i have put on so many different personalities for different people i dont have a TRUE self im just . argfhhfhffh im so LOSSSTTTTTTT 😞😞😞😞 i feel no worth in myself if there is nobody telling me Yea yr decent ! i feel no worth without. anyon3 helping Ugrhhdhshshshs i wish i never got in my last relationship as it ledt me in fucking shambles i still get sososo nervous i break down crying often because i gwt so nervous shes watxhing me ahes somewhere ans i know shes not bur ill be speaking to irl friends and i just. THINK. oh yeah, its hwr isnt it !!!! even when they look nothing like her it fucking sucks . i know it isnt her obvsiouslt thats silly bur she . she knows she ARGHDJDHHSHSHSHSHSHi am fucking wtupid i am . fucking silly i am horrible i am WOTHLESSSSSSand i don't . actively hirt myself or limit my food intake anymore i dont do anything drastic i just have passive thoughts of kms and because of that everyone thinks im better bur no im just. not. arghshshs i still get terrible urges to relapse sometimes and i just do it mildly so i can plead that it wasnt THAT bad so it doesnt RLLY count RIGHT !!! agh changing rhe topic because i dont want to think about . that . when i am sat by myself with my thougjts and full free will ans i dont wanna do anything i.migjt regret ok right yea ok ok goodnight i am so done

[bekimax11]

ZENKICHI RIGHTHTTTESD and also sophia fuck the tactica guys they look like mfing funko pops (if i ever play tactica i will get obsessed with them)

the other day i saw a ranking with the 12 pt including soph sumi qnd zenkichi and SOPH AND ZENKICHI WERE AT THE BOTTOM OF SO MANY i get it but also i DONT maybe i just like post-canon persona shit too much. but also these two were just Better than kanami. sophia is great as a nav and a perfect like narractive director while also being likeable. yes ofc her character arc is being like ‘no im not an ai i have friend’ BUT SHES JUST LIKEABLE TO ME shes endearing and actually fucking cute sometimes she does dumbass shit but like. how could i hate her when she aint know SHIT. and i also saw that zenkichi was a repeat of dojimas story and like. i think i thought that at some point in the game like obv the similarities of police man father with dead wife is a shit dad to his daughter but a) nanako was a saint and akane is Fucking Not b) akane gives teenager who is in her emo phase and nanako just clearly was a child who was trying her best c) DO PEOPLE NOT SEE ZENKICHIS SHINING PERSONALITY istg if he was in a main persona game people would EAT HIM UP idk something ab his voice acting is like so fucking good. he says things like ASS and ASSHOLE. and he also feels different than dojima bc hes literallly a fucking phantom thief WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT CONSIDERING THE FUN DYNAMICS THAT COME OUT OF HAVING NOT JUST ALL TEENAGERS genius of strikers to add an ai and a grown ass adult to the phantom thieves BC ITS FUN TO MAKE FUN DYNAMICS IN THE GROUP now they have a little gooby computer girl who they visit in facebook metaverse and a policeman adult who they bully every left turn (me in another reality)

[eissibee]

I think I'm just especially fucked up tonight

[possum-tooth]

being almost 21 and listening to 30.. kinda hate it here folks!

[andragoras-in-vanity]

ah the bathtub scene, akin to what the shower scene is to slashers

[wonderchesters]

.

[psykoz]

ok so some things that have happened at my job

- coworker said the r slur in front of me, a few others, and one of the front end managers. manager says nothing to stop it and in fact jusf laughs and agree w the overall statement (halloween costumes looked [r-slur]ed). this is significantly worse as not only am i (not openly at work for fear but pretty obviously) autistic, but the field we are working in is specifically with seniors with a specific type of mental and intellectual disability

- person who hired and trained me and is an assistant, also higher position not a manager technically but on the management team, learns i dont celebrate xmas thru an email i willingly send, totally fine. but days later, unprompted and unrelated, she str8 up asks why i dont celebrate and i feel the need to reveal some inkling of religious beliefs which i really do not want to do

- literally wont tell me half of the things i need to do/not do until after i fucked up anr get reprimanded. they never told me what the callout policy was, until after i recieved a write up for breaking it. they didnt tell me a security feature for someone had been updated, until i almost messed up SECURITY and a coworker had to tell me it had been changed. theres more but pointing out every time would get tedious and repetitive

- already blamed me once for having "too many missed calls" despite every one of those missed calls having been before my start time or after i am meant to clock out, some even having come past midnight or before 6am when im still hours away from even needing to be getting ready to clock in, outright admitting that it was more likely because their phone system isnt patching back to the after hour line, or after hours people are just not picking up the phone. and still called me in for a full 8 hour "training" shift where i spent well over 75% of the day sitting, not working OR training and thinking abt how much shit i needed to get done in my personal life and how wasteful this was, because of something out of MY control when im not even fucking clocked in.

- my bosses have all been on at least one vacation in the 3 months ive been here. despite being called, verbatim, "the last line of defense" and being in charge of peoples lives, having to potentially de escalate an angry senior if i tell them they arent allowed outside, and having to be around people that are dying at least one person every week or 2, i get no benefits and no chance to even accrue vacation or sick time. i would have never accepted a job with not benefits or sick or leave if they had explained to me the full scope of the stressors i have dealt with. i know for a fact my ptsd has gotten more severe after this job and i went thru a traumatic experience that i wont talk abt bc it was out of the hands of my job tbf, they couldnt have stopped it from happening, but i have still been exposed to multiple deaths and one event ive been unable to stop thinking about and fearing. they have never suggested grief counseling is available to any employee

- sometimes they put up fliers for mandatory meetings/trainings without sending any text/email about it. this sucks for so many reasons. i just may not see them, i have multiple disorders that give me memory issues so having a reminder on my phone would be helpful, qnd the worst of all: they have put up fliers on a day i wasnt working for a mandatory meeting, on a day i wasnt working, and i did not have another shift until 2 days AFTER the meeting that i didnt even know happened bc they didnt bother to let me know despite me being physically unable to see fliers if im NOT THERE.

[liathgray]

yes hi its me 💜💜💜 writnon 💜💜💜 which is still the cutest nickname and im glad you gave it to mee akdhsgsh

im never gonna say no if you ask if i want an example i love you and trust you and admire you So Much pls lemme see the Illegal Planning Spreadsheet

also a bitch is nonbinary (agender or voidgender but im still ??? about which cuz 🌟 voidgender 🌟 but also 🎊 agender 🎊 yknow???? i think voi/void pronouns are The Shit which honestly makes me feel like im leaning towards voidgender but who knows ill figure it out eventually qkdhdgk) anyway the point is im currently going by they/them pronouns if you dont mind!!!

p sure thats everything i wanted to say? im still: chugging along with that spreadsheet outline but its really helped me keep track of everything yhat goes everywhere!!! 🤩🤩🤩 so thats good

as always theres no pressure to qmswer i hope youre doing well oMG i just remembered: i got accepted into the uni i applied to!!!! so ill hopefully be transferring there in the fall if all goes well 😃😃😃😃

qldjdhsk alright Now i think its everything akdhdjdld

stay safe i love you

- writing anon

ik i said voi/void but also like(its writnon again hi),,,,,, the idea of being referred to as galaxyself or starself is making me *vibrates at a speed unknown to man* wish there was a non clunky way to use black holes as a neopronoun but its chill ig

no one:

not anyone:

not a single person:

me: ik im writnon but im gonna be So Goddamn Nonbinary in ceces inbox today akdbdbdk

(its writnon again sorry) but then again pronouns arent indicative of gender identity and i am p comfy in the agender, yknow? its nice every time i say it to myself any and all dysphoria gets thanos snapped, i think i just think void pronouns are v v pretty like galaxy pronouns are,,,, like bruh,,,, imagine being referred to as a galaxy like,,,, multitudes??? bro i contain a universe inside me how about that nebulas, black holes, stars thatre born and grow and die only to be pulled back together like arent we all made of stardust??? the iron in my veins is the same iron that burns in the heart of stars and holds them together like its so pretty and powerful

akdhsks sorry its just someone asked me during class yesterday about my pronouns (i have them set to they/them on the website i use for college) qnd they wanted to know if they were using my preferred name i 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im still on the gender high yknow????? -writnon

LMAO dude its chill I’m also mega superhell nb so I don’t mind the rambles!

So.. okay should I go with they/void? I mean I’m probably not gonna be referring to y'all too often with pronouns BUT you did give me a lot go options! I just wanna be sure on which are chill to use!

Sidebar wow I... don’t think I’ve ever really viewed it like that. I’m glad you’re able to find some part of yourself in this idea of galaxies and something universal.. something with multitudes.... something thats still in and a part of you. That’s just. I’ve never framed it like that to myself before! And I just love that for you sm! It makes me so happy and excited to see the ways people connect with gender cause its so abstract and personal... wow..

Also I TOTALLY get the Gender Euphoria!! Like, okay recently I decided fuck it im bored and wanna take a class. First day the TA asked for names and pronouns and everyone has been using they/them for me since!! hearing people say it out loud really just Hits Different and im not out to ppl I see irl so... I maybe had to turn off my cam and cry lmao.

gender euphoria pt 2 electric boogaloo: I got my first binder recently!!! I put it on and Oh My God the?? the FEELING??? I was smiling so hard all day and jumping around cause I didn't know this is what being in your own body was supposed to feel like!!!! aaannddd now im rambling too lmao 

tl;dr: I love that for u and 100000% get the gender high MWAH

[starlight-fires]

ok first thank you a lot and second i just started my junior year of high school and im really really stressed and i dont know what to do, like i have a ton of work already but i feel like im not doing enough bc there's people who are taking more college credit classes than me and theyre all learning to drive and getting jobs and i did nothing all summer and im sorry this probably wasn't what you were expecting (1)

(2) and i also feel just a lot of pressure bc idk what im gonna do in college or later, and i just feel kind of mad and upset bc my parents acted like they'd support me no matter what i did and then my dad told me straight to my face to stop w all that bc it was dumb and like, they think im just a lazy piece of nothing but i can't really blame them bc i don't feel comfortable talking to them about anything ik this got angsty you don't have to respond if u don't want to

Okay im not sure im necessarily the best person to give out advice but darling we all do things at our own pace,we all do things at the best of our abilities and we shouldnt compare ourselves to other people,which is hard af i know it,like im the queen of comparing myself to others but this is also why i know it amounts to nothing,we can never be that other person,there will always be someone thats better than us,there will always be someone thats worse than us and we just gotta focus on being our personal best. Second, doing good in highschool is really not that good of a prediction of how you are gonna do in the future,when I was in hs i was on the best 5% of my school ,im the person who got the highest score on the university admission test we have in my country out of my whole family and also friends and then i got into college and one i relaized that what i wanted to study at first wasnt what i really wanted to study and then when i got into whate i really wanted i failed two classes on my first year ,which was sad and devastating and damn i survives and did much better the second time around and the world didnt end like i felt it would,i felt so dumb but i just went ahead and did things again and it was better i understood more,i learnt more and i discovered some things about myself too. The driving thing i dont even know what to tell you about cause im gonna be 22 in like two weeks and i dont know how to drive and everyone ia pressuring me to do it but i honestly dont feel ready so i just wont do it cause i know it wouldnt go well,qnd thats okay we all have our own times and tahts super valid dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

About not knowing what you want to do,you have time you honestly do, theres still some time and yiu can just explore options, see what comes,i was sooo sure for most of my life what i wanted and then i just realized that it wasnt for me,that it wasnt what i really wanted to do with my life and now im in smth i enjoy studying but i dont really know what i wanna do when i have to work and thats cool,all my profs tell me that theres a world of possibilities out there and we will find what we need and want eventually you dont really gotta pressure yourself for this , you can go and find some vocational advice,you can ask yourseld what you really like to do,what you picture yourself doing and eventually you'll get there I have faith in this.

I'm sorry about your parents,I'm very soret they arent supportive you deserve better than this and all of the support. I hope things get better in that aspect ans maybe there xan be better communication bc for what you tell me it doesnt seem like they are open for it.

Well this is long af and im sorry for everyone else but idk how to put a read more on mobile so fuck it. I just hope you feel better soon and remember that its okay really to not know sometimes and that you shouldnt compare yourself to others cause that never goes to nice places and i very hope i helped even the smallest bit,you can come here whenever you feel like it really.

[machiavelliankaiser]

Im so glad i changed my name, im so glad that im able to slowly shrug off peices of who I dont want to be. Slowly but, its progress. I look at my 16 year old self with such jealousy, old me had so much energy. I was annoying but I was almost always finding ways to be happy. I was outgoing, i loved to go out and meet people and cosplay and laugh. Nowadays, ethier due to age, lupus, or maybe the depression I let fester for top long Im so..

Tired?

Everything feels kinda fake, like a haze, i feel like im trapped in the shell of my body. I want to do things and break out. Make memories and yell. I feel like i was able to gain SOME of that back at cce. when i was with all my friends. Somehow, I didnt let the anxiety consume me. I walked around alone. I hate admitting it but sometimes my favorite parts of cons are when I just, go. I sneak off when everyones asleep. I CASUALLY run an errand to grab food. Then I just smile, im alone waiting in some con line and Im so happy. I got that happy back finally.

I crashed after, i felt like a stupid kid again. "Post con depression" had never been worst. I felt like I was loosing my mind. I didnt want to go back to work, back to stress, back in my head. I wanted one more day to sit and bury a new friend in mulch. Chase down a kiddie train screaming. Drink. Smoke. Anythng. But it was over. I was sad. I was scared.

I think talking about suicide is so serious and perminate. I could never take my own life, I have times where I understand it on and off. I have times where i wish I could poof away into a void. But death is my biggest fear. Its the end, qnd even if my life is mundane and im unhappy Id never want it to end i dont think.

This post became so long, maybe because I havent let myself post. I tried writing on paper. Taking walks. But nothing feels quite as nice as writing a ranty wall of text I might delete later. Its just word vomit im getting out.

This all started today because I was talking to riley. Its the anniversary of when he went to the psyche ward. I remeber being so so so upset. I was so upset my best friend had wanted to die. Maybe i wasnt enough? But being here now, I realize it isnt like that. Ethier way Im glad riley is around.

Whenever I talk to him i feel my shell break a little, I feel like kira and not like some empty container. Im so happy we reconnected, it makes everything.. easier? I can't talk to anyone how I can talk to riley. What we talk about can be so sad but I always feel so happy and uplifted to just.. talk. Say anything. Any sad or happy thing it doesnt matter with your best friend. One day I hope we are both better.

Im turning 21 this year. I cant believe that, Im going to be *21*. Ive been drinking since 16, so its not to special other then "oldnow!". I still cant drive, I still dont have my GED, fuck i still havent even changed my address after a year of living here or gotten insurance. I need to see a doctor, but secretly I put it off because im scared. Im scared to go in a learnive gotten worst. I know im going to get worst its fucki g lupus. I dont want to keep hearing about how long I've got, or how i should quit my job due to health, or any other stupid limitations because of a body and sickness i didnt ask for!

Im so angry about that. Im angry about being sick. Im angry about all the bad things that happened to me. Im angry because I didnt ask for that, I tried to be a good person my whole life, so why did I have to be so sick and sad? I dont want to cry every day anymore im scared.

Half my ffriends feel disconnected from me, maybe because im not the person i used to be. Or maybe they changed. Or maybe anything. I wish I had moore people that it felt like they WANTED to talk to me like Riley and Mitchell. To everyone else Im kinda annoying you know? I keep writing. I didnt except this. I didnt know i felt so much.

Im glad I have dnd, one piece, homestuck. I wish I never learned that shit about my dad though, I thought he was the "good" parent you know? I guess its easy to think that way whrn the other one just screamed at you and used to whack you with hair brushes.

I wonder if my mom knows I still hit myself in the head with a hair brush when i fully breakdown for whatever reason. I wonder if anyone whos hurt me ever thinks about how long ive been hurt and effected by it.

I need to stop talking.

I keep saying ill learn to drive or go back to school, but i think truthfully I need another year to ju as t fix my head. This got sad at the end but i think im finally slowly piecing stuff together. I feel so ashmed of that but i need to let that go.

Today im going to go on a date, and feel better. Thats my goal. My goal is just ro be happy.