#ashhghhhgj
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he said he would stop bothering us since I apologized then like days after he goes on an alt and bothers, or what happened a week ago or so I HATE HIM HFHBBNNJhhrvrvrhhrrrjjjjjjj
#don't let them see this!#i feel very hypocrite because i'm bad and disgusting and i shouldn't like#i shouldn't be mad at him for that because we're. so very alike.#and i hate that he influenced me and i influenced him and everytime i think of him i feel awful and dirty and bad#i feel like im the bad person and he was right#he hurt himself because of me and i feel. awful for it.#i want him to get better but he terrifies me still#i dont want him to hurt me because i know he could#and then theres the fact that i know it's my fault any of this happened or#just being. very disgusting about it all because fear responses#i hate how i know we both care about eachother in very different weird ways i#i am still very grossed out by some of his messages it makes me feel so ill whenever i read stuff from him#and i hate how hes right about so much and he only is because hes projecting#and because we're alike its judt#ashhghhhgj#i really fucking hate jude#scout speaks#i cant even say he ruined me regardless of how i feel because i was probably always like this#i wish i was a jellyfish#twins in paradise music has been very comforting and today has been very guilty and awful#guilty / shameful ?#why do i linger on this stuff why do i feel so scared hes going to get me why do i??? pluh..#its best not to linger on this qnd i do anyway because i think I'll be safer if i do and all it does is make me feel bad#the actual worst thing is thinking anyone i get close to is him or friends with him and secretly trying to get info on me or hurt me and!!#agh
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