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wisecrackingeric-2 · 1 year ago

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Reposting some fics for @serennedyweek that would’ve worked for Day 1 but I opted to go for fanart instead!!!!

Day 1: Domestic!!

Summary:

Set ten years after the events of Resident Evil 4; Luis and Leon have been in a long-term relationship and finally decided to have a Son.

Only Luis finds out that being a Father reminds him of his a Grandfather more than he was expecting.

So one night when their Son wakes up crying, Luis decides to take it upon himself to comfort both himself his baby.

Fic under Cut!!

Luis wasn’t usually a light sleeper.

At least, he didn’t think he was. Not until he had his own child, that is.

Most nights nowadays were spent sandwiched against Leon or Chris- Whoever was home at the time- With his back facing their chests, and their arms draped protectively over his shoulders. Usually accompanied by one or the others’ legs being entangled between Luis’, too.

The two of them usually came home late, and if Luis wasn’t awake, they’d slip under the covers with him wordlessly- Knowing that they’d probably be forced to wake up earlier than their boyfriend in the morning, anyways.

But Luis didn’t mind. He never minded; Putting up with their grouchy, sleep-deprived attitudes and their constant old-married-couple back and forth banter was more than reasonable for him. Especially after everything.

August 2004 felt like a lifetime ago now. So much had changed and so many years passed that it was impossible for Luis to look back and feel any connection towards the man he once was.

He remembered- extremely vividly- lying on that cold, hard concrete and practically begging for Leon to tell him he was a good person during what he was convinced were his final moments. His mouth was full of blood and he could hardly keep a cigarette between his lips, let alone light it.

He’d asked Leon, in an act of desperation, ‘ What do you think, Leon? People can change, right?’

It was a desperate plea for forgiveness. He wanted to change so badly yet he always still retraced those same habits that got him in that position in the first place. He thought back to his Grandfather in his ‘dying’ moments; And he wondered if he’d be ashamed or proud.

But Leon had saved him regardless. In every way a person could be saved. Not only did he literally shove some kind of miscellaneous herb into his mouth and pick him up to drape his bloody body over his shoulders- But once they’d arrived back in the USA, Leon did everything in his power to make sure Luis didn’t slip into that self-deprecating cycle of guilt and self-pity he seemed to be oh-so familiar with.

Leon proved to Luis that people could change. And not only that, but people were deserving of love regardless of what they have done.

Luis loved Leon in a way that was so undeniably human and raw and vulnerable it almost hurt at times.

The pair of them couldn’t keep their eyes- or hands- off of each other.

Then Luis was introduced to Chris Redfield; Big, friendly, puppydog-like Chris Redfield who so painfully obviously had the biggest crush on Leon it made Luis feel like he was going insane. The two of them would stammer and blush and shift their weight awkwardly every single time they were alone; And, hell, Luis would be lying if he said he didn’t find the guy attractive as all hell. So they approached him about the possibility of Polyamory;

And here they all were, ten years later, so ingrained and fixed in each other's lives that they practically couldn’t be seen apart from one another. Their day-to-day was so domestic- so routine- And Luis wouldn’t have had it any other way.

If you had asked him ten years ago where he thought he’d be in life, his answer would probably be dead.

Past-Luis probably couldn’t have even fathomed being so unabashedly loved, so unashamedly domestic and genuinely happy.

Was he always happy? No, far from it, in fact. There were plenty of nights where he still felt the ghost of Krauser's knife holed in his spine, or the squirming Plagas inside of his chest like a ghost limb. Sometimes his face still grew hot from the memories of his Grandfather burning alive in his childhood home. He found it hard to fall asleep by himself sometimes- So Leon and Chris would always make an effort to comfort him. One of them would be pressed up against his back, and the other laying across his chest. Reminding him with their physical bodies that he was Ok.

Tonight was exactly one of those nights; Luis had been tossing and turning in his sleep relentlessly since he got home and shed himself of his usual Lab coat. Although the agreement with the US government was that he’d tag along with Leon on missions, he found himself working in the Labs with Rebecca more often than not- And of course, that eventually turned into a full-time job after Leon had finally retired.

Still, though, Luis came home later than expected. And the days stress weighing down on him seemed to trigger some deep-seeded memories from his childhood that he’d rather not forget.

That seemed to usually be his brain's go-to trauma response, at least; ‘Flash some memories of your Grandfather while you try to sleep and you’ll be A-OK’.

Luis couldn’t remember when he had made it to his bed- Nor could he remember when Leon had slipped under the sheets beside him- But he hardly slept regardless. He tried counting sheep and snuggling into his partner's embrace; but nothing helped. There wasn’t even anything specific that was causing this lack of sleep. He just.. Couldn’t. He just had to let his brain replay memories of his childhood with his Grandfather like an awfully cruel movie.

So when the sound of his Son’s crying filled the air in an ear-piercing scream, Luis was already prepared and sitting up on his elbows before Leon had even stirred awake.

“ I’ll go get the baby,”

Luis whispered, leaning over to kiss Leon on the temple of his head before forcing himself up straight.

His voice was husky and gravelly, and despite having been awake for at least a few hours his limbs were all still too stiff to avoid a popping noise when they stretched.

Leon responded with a quiet ‘ hhhhrmmphhh’ before he shuffled back down under the covers, pressing the ends of his blanket up to his ears in an attempt to drown out the baby’s crying.

Luis just huffed a laugh at the sorry sight of his tired partner and got up on his feet with a groan.

Standing up to exit their shared bedroom, Luis did his best to tie up his long, graying salt-and-pepper hair in a messy half-ponytail with the hair tie he always insisted on having wrapped around his wrists. Years ago, Luis had insisted to Leon that ‘He wasn’t trying to grow his hair out, he just didn't trust the barbers’.

But ten years later with his hair reaching his mid-back at this point, that was obviously a lie. Besides, Luis liked it like this; From what he could remember, his Grandfather always kept his hair long, so it was sentimental in a weird way.

“ Loooeeeeesss….”

Leon reached an arm out from beneath the blankets to grab at his’, blue eyes blinking slowly to try and adjust to the light.

“ Mwhere are you goin’ love…?”

“I just told you,” Luis chuckled, “I’m gonna go put Matteo back to sleep”

Leon made a noise of protest and tried to sit up from underneath his sheets, pulling Luis in closer by the arm.

“ Nonono, don’ get up, I can go get him..”

“ Sssshhhh, just go back to bed mí amor,”

Luis gently pushed Leon back down onto his pillow with one hand, leaning over to press a sleepy kiss against his lips.

“I was already up. You just go back to sleep, sí?”

The blonde huffed a reluctant sigh but still sunk back under the covers regardless. His lips were pursed in a little pout as he let go of Luis’ hand.

“But you’re always up to get him. Y’know I’m happy to do it once ‘n a while, right?”

Luis paused for a moment, biting his lip as he tried to figure out how he should respond. Leon was half-asleep, a quarter of the way to being absolutely dead to the world; but he was still right.

Luis was always the one to go put Matteo back to bed when he woke up screaming like this.

He always insisted that Chris or Leon stay in bed, go back to sleep; And tonight was no exception. But being faced with the question he suddenly found that he couldn’t actually figure out why.

Luis always just assumed that it was the least he could do in return. Chris and Leon, despite being ‘retired’, were still constantly called into the office or on smaller Ops- Sometimes for days at a time, even. And while Luis had his day job with Rebecca in the labs, they were much more forgiving when it came to time off.

His two lovers had given him the entire world, in his mind. They’d given him a space to live and to grow as a person and they’d given him more love than any other human being had ever shown him; and most importantly, they gave him the opportunity to be a Father. They all were.

He got the opportunity of a lifetime to look after someone just as his Grandfather had looked after him.

So maybe Luis just wanted to repay them in some way.

They always insisted he didn’t need to do that; that him just being there was more than enough.

But that nagging voice in the back of his head never left, no matter how hard he tried.

“I know…”

Was all Luis could respond with, his voice a little deflated in defeat.

“Just… Just let me do this for you, just this once. ¿Ok, cariño?”

“Okay…” Leon yawned, his voice still slightly reluctant as he snuggled his face further into the pillow. And like a light, he was out within seconds.

Luis smiled and huffed a breath of air through his nose at the sight of his sleepy partner. With one final ruffle of his blonde hair, Luis was snapped back to reality when he heard his Son wailing once more from upstairs.

Luis made his way up to the second floor with a slouched posture and dragging feet; he slipped his reading glasses on somewhere half-way up, and was thoroughly greeted by the high-pitched cries of his baby the second the door creaked open.

Matteo’s room was simple; It didn’t need to be very big, after all (And even so, it was bigger than Luis’ old childhood room with his Grandfather.)

The walls were covered in pastel blue-and-pink flowers painted on courtesy of Ashley one weekend, and the roof was littered in pale blue, glow-in-the-dark stars.

Matteo's cot sat tucked up against the wall, and stuffed toys littering the floor where they must’ve slipped off and landed in a maze-like heap. Luis could just barely make out his Son’s silhouette against the bars of the cot;

And Luis’ heart promptly shattered into a million pieces when he saw Matteo reach out his little baby-arms into the sky at the sound of his entering the room.

Luis skilfully stepped over the pile of toys laying across his floor, before pressing a gentle hand against the wooden bars of Matteo’s cot.

Just as expected, the baby had kicked his blankets off- Probably the cause of his screaming- And had his tiny hands balled up in even tinier fists as big, fat tears fell down his chubby cheeks.

Luis cooed in an attempt to keep himself from crying.

“ Ssssshhhhh… ¿ver? Estoy aquí, Teo…”

His words were more for soothing himself rather than the baby as he felt his voice grow wobbly at the sight. Ever since ‘Teo’ was born, Luis became an absolute crybaby- Chris and Leon teased him about it constantly, but never in a mean-spirited way.

Seeing his Son in any kind of discomfort felt worse than any knife to the back ever could; His heart squeezed and all he wanted to do was wipe away those tears forever and never let go of his little boy until he was smiling and laughing again. He wanted to hold and cradle him every second of the day- and if he could, he would.

‘ You’re always hogging our son’, Leon had teased one day, watching Luis bounce their kid against his hip. From beside him, Chris reached over to give Matteo a kiss on the cheek.

‘ Yeah, you never let us hold him’

‘¡Tu idiotas! You can hold him if you want!’ Luis had responded, feeling a little guilty. But his partner's laughter confirmed it was only a joke.

‘ Ignore us, Luis. Teo likes it more when you hold him anyways’

‘He likes it more when you guys tuck him into bed’, Luis had offered, earning laughter from Leon, whose index finger was being held tightly by Teo’s little hands.

Luis was promptly broken out of his trip down memory lane by another sharp, high-pitched scream out of Matteo’s mouth, and although Luis did his best to soothe his Son by rubbing the pads of his thumb across his reddened and tear-stained chubby cheeks- It was no use. Matteo kept screaming and grabbing his hands out into the air, trying to reach for Luis’ long locks.

Through the screaming, Luis couldn’t help but chuckle a little; Teo was always grabbing onto his hair one way or another. He figured it must’ve been some kind of self-comforting baby thing, so he just let him. Matteo hardly ever pulled at it, anyways. He just kinda… held on.

No matter how hard Luis tried to sway his baby boy back to sleep from above the cot, it was all for naught. He just kept crying and wailing, and the longer it went on, the more Luis couldn’t handle seeing his Son in tears like this.

So against his better judgment, Luis cupped his hands underneath his small back and lifted him up with a small ‘ There we go…’, cupping the baby’s head inbetween his hand and elbow, firmly grasping onto his leg with the other.

Luis had very quickly figured out that the usual bouncing and ‘there-there’s did not work on his Son. The motion only served to make his crying worse generally, so the brunette resorted to- extremely softly- rocking Matteo back and forth in his arms.

That only worked for a couple moments before Teo was back to wailing again. This time slightly quieter, Luis noted to himself victoriously. He silently wondered if he ever cried as much when his Grandfather took care of him.

He couldn’t tell if he was just tired and therefor had his emotions dialed up to 100 (You know what they say; Never trust your brain past 10:00 PM) Or if he was genuinely upset by his Son’s crying, but Luis felt practically desperate to get him to stop. He didn’t even care about the noise; Just seeing his little bundle of joy’s face all scrunched up and wet from big, fat tears rolling down his face was infinitely more worrying to him than the noise.

So, as gently as possible, Luis bought Matteo up to his face, and after pressing his delicate little forehead against his, Luis started to place feather-light kisses against his baby’s skin. He placed them so tenderly that his own skin tingled from the sensation. As if Matteo was made from porcelain.

And to Luis, he may as well have been.

Every tiny action, every small breath was met with internal cringing- Luis was so self-conscious of just how unfathomably small Matteo was that even just brushing his nose up against the baby’s was enough to make his heart squeeze in worry.

But, at least there was one bright side; Matteo was slowly starting to quieten down his wailing. Every pillowy kiss against his plush skin forced Matteo to stop howling until eventually his voice was broken down to cracked sobs.

But even that seemed to come with it’s own price; Matteo never stopped crying. Screams were replaced with wobbly little whimpers and whines, and his bottom lip quivered every time those big tears of his fell down his chin.

Luis didn’t even know it was possible for his heart to ache with empathy more than it already had, and he secretly wished Matteo would just start screaming again so he didn’t have to see his beautiful boy sobbing silently like this.

“ Nonononono, no llores niño hermoso, no llores…”

Luis pressed his forehead up against Matteo’s and squeezed his eyes shut, dipping him just a tiny bit so that his long, curly hair would fall over Teo’s head like a curtain; engulfing the baby in darkness even further. He pressed kisses against Matteo’s small nose and wiped away the tears with his own- At least he tried to with his fast they were falling.

“ Deja de llorar por mí, sí? Deja de llorar… Deja de llorar…”

Luis tried to hum in between his words of encouragement, and even though Matteo probably couldn’t understand him- It seemed to be working regardless.

“ ¿Ver? Ahí tienes, no llores nena, lo estás haciendo tan bien… Tan bueno para mí, Teo”

All Luis could do was let his words of encouragement and comfort sink into his Son's skin, even if he couldn’t fully understand them. He hoped that somehow the message got through regardless of their language barrier, that by some miracle, Matteo understood what Luis was trying to tell him and took it to heart.

“ Te amo, Teo. ¿Tú lo sabes? Te amo mucho más de lo que podrías saber. Te amaré pase lo que pase”

Luis couldn’t tell who he was talking to at this point; Matteo or himself. But it didn’t matter either way. His words rung truer than anything that had ever come out of his mouth.

Luis had spent so much of his life lying. He’d spent so much of it running and selling his soul to the highest bidder that he’d almost forgotten what it was like to be so open and vulnerable with someone.

His Grandfather’s cottage, Valdelobos, Umbrella, Los Illuminados; The names blended together in his mind at this point.

He’d spent too long running.

He found out what a true chance at life looked like and it looked like Leon, Chris and Matteo.

Every stereotype and throwaway comment that Luis heard about how staring at your baby is like ‘Love at first sight’ was so unbelievably true; Luis just wished he could express his love in a way his beautiful boy could understand.

But Matteo still remained awake. His tears had almost come to a complete halt with Luis’ soft words, but he was still staring up at his dad with those big, sleepless, curious brown eyes; it made Luis chuckle.

“ No puedo dormir, ¿Oye? Yo tampoco puedo…”

Luis hummed thoughtfully for a moment, methodically running his thumb across Matteo’s soft, thin brown hair before coming up with an idea. He smiled at the thought alone, and almost felt his heart leap out of his throat when Matteo half-smiled back.

Luis began to rock Matteo back and forth as he began to sing a song he just barely remembered his Grandfather singing to him when he was just a boy;

“ Duérmete mí niño, duérmete mí amor,

Duérmete pedazo de mí corazón,”

Luis smiled as Matteo began to quietly babble in response, holding him even closer.

“ Este niño mío que nació de noche

Quiere que lo lleve a pasear en coche.”

Matteo reached out his tiny hands to grasp at Luis’ stubble, running his fingers over the hair as his little eyes began to droop lower and lower. It took all of Luis’ energy not to grab his face and squeeze him with a million kisses right then and there.

“ Este niño mío que nació de día quiere que lo lleve a la dulcería,”

Luis let his eyes flutter shut as Matteo yawned and lulled his head to the side. Tiny even breaths let the brunette know that his Son had fallen asleep- Yet he kept singing, determined to finish the song. Just like his Grandfather always would.

“ Duérmete mí niño, duérmete mí amor,

Duérmete pedazo de mí corazón.”

Once the lullaby had softly ended, Luis just stood there. Cradling Matteo in his arms silently. The only light source being from the small, glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling. Not a single creak could be heard, in sharp comparison to just a moment ago. The loudest noise in that room were Matteo’s tiny breaths.

Luis didn’t want to let go. Leon and Chris teased him about it all the time, but he truly, truly didn’t want to part with his beautiful boy. He didn’t want this moment to end. A moment that felt so precious and so loving that Luis knew he was bound to remember it for years to come.

Luis wanted to protect Matteo with his whole world- he knew it was unrealistic, and that eventually, his Son would grow up to be his very own person- but that didn’t mean the need wasn’t still there. Luis had seen things that no single human being should have ever experienced, and yet his own baby crying was somehow worse than all of that combined. He never wanted to see Matteo cry again. He wanted to hold him and kiss him and shelter him from anything that could ever hurt him.

Just like his Grandfather had for Luis all those years ago.

That was almost entirely the reason Luis had approached Leon and Chris about the idea of having a child in the first place;

He wanted to be just like his Grandfather.

It was strange. The older he got, the less he remembered of the man- yet the more he missed him like a child. Luis thought about him quite often. And even more so now that he was a father himself.

In retrospect, his Grandfather was hardly there in his life for a very long time. He was only ten- maybe twelve at the most- years old when he had died. Yet Luis remembered as clear as day the way his knees trembled and his fists balled up hard enough for his fingernails to be imprinted onto his palms when he watched his childhood home burst into flames. He stared at that fire until it was nothing but ashes in the morning, quite literally.

Luis had gone through all the stages of grief a million times over. He used to be mad at his Grandfather for hiding that wolf’s bite that inevitably lead him to becoming sick; he used to resent him, in fact, insisting that his work as a biologist would be enough to reprimand it.

Luis used to beg for his Grandfather to come back- and, hell, he still sometimes did. He still cried like the grief was fresh, and he still found constant solace and comfort in Leon and Chris’ arms.

Luis remembered nothing but good things about his Grandfather.

He remembered how the two of them would go fishing on warm afternoons.

How he’d make him tomato soup every night after dinner.

He remembered how wise and intricate his words seemed to seven-year-old-Luis, when in actuality, he was just speaking fancy English.

He remembered how his Grandfather still encouraged his Trans identity and love for Biology despite their circumstances.

He remembered how he’d encouraged Luis’ fantasies surrounding Don Quixote- how he’d recreate the fantastical scenes and read him every version of the books under the sun back-to-front just so he could fall asleep.

Hell, Luis still kept an old copy of Don Quixote in Matteo’s room just for good luck; him and his two partners had even agreed on the name for their baby after seeing the name ‘Matteo ’ in the credits of a Don Quixote adaptation and finding it stuck. Luis hoped someday he’d be able to read his favorite book ever to Teo and he’d enjoy just as much as he did.

When Luis said he wanted to be a father;

What he really meant was he wanted to be like his Grandfather.

He wanted to give that same undying love and affection to another person. He wanted to be his Son’s hero and somebody who could protect him from anything.

He wanted to be there for Matteo in a way his Grandfather never could before he died;

He wanted to watch Matteo grow up and live a full life.

Just like how his Grandfather always wanted.

Luis wanted to be there for Matteo right until the very end.

Luis wanted to be just like his Grandfather for Matteo. He wanted to make him proud.

“ Te quiero mucho, Teo. También habrías amado a mí Abuelo.”

Luis hadn't even noticed he’d begun crying, let alone the quiet footsteps from behind him until a small knock on the door allerted him to another presence in the room. He was forced out of his forehead-touching position with Matteo to look around and see Leon leaning against the doorframe; his appearance tired and disheveled with a soft smile still on his face.

“How’s Teo?”

“He’s good,” Luis smiled, whispering lightly.

“I just got him back to sleep.”

Leon made his way to Luis’ side and cupped his Son’s head with one hand, leaning down to press a gentle, cautious kiss on his head.

Luis’ eyes never broke away from Teo’s face, even as Leon leaned his head against his shoulder. The brunette reciprocated, feeling his partner let out a sigh of relief.

“Where’s Chris?”

Luis broke the silence, desperate for some conversation. He felt like he was about to burst into tears if he didn’t talk soon.

“He’s staying with the Winter’s tonight, remember?”

The brunette just hummed at Leon’s response. Ethan Winters; the name sounded familiar. He was pretty sure they were expecting a child soon, too. Chris seemed to be very protective over him; Which seemed deserved after what he heard they’d been through. Luis hoped he’d get to meet them someday.

Another beat of silence.

“…Luis?”

Leon finally spoke up, his voice soft; as if their tender moment was made of porcelain.

“…Are you Ok?”

“I’m fine.” Luis was quick to answer. Too quick. Leon gave him that look and his partner was forced to relent, shaking his head slightly with a small smile. If he wasn’t smiling, he’d probably be crying.

“I will be fine,”

Luis corrected himself. Leon always knew when something was up, and Luis didn’t have the heart (or the energy) to try to lie. He wore his heart on his sleeve in his old age.

“I’m just… I don’t know. Difícul de explicar. Words don’t seem to cut it.”

“I understand.” Was all Leon said in response, snuggling further into the crook of his neck as his hand remained on Teo’s head.

Luis was grateful Leon didn’t try to pry further.

The silence between them, however, was too much for Luis to bear. To keep himself from breaking down and potentially waking Matteo up, he gave his Son one last kiss on the forehead- letting it linger for a couple moments- before slipping him back into his cot and pulling the up blankets over him.

‘ Buenes noches, niño hermoso”

He whispered, running the pad of his thumb against his cheeks for a beat before he reluctantly pried himself away from his sleeping Son.

The second he turned around to face Leon, it was like all of the night's anxieties and grief caught up to him in an instant; his body suddenly felt like lead and his eyes stung with tears.

He could barely make out Leon’s expression in the darkness, but he knew from gut instinct alone that it was one of sympathy.

“ L-Leon…?”

Luis whimpered, his lips quivering as his eyes welled up.

“ D-Do you think my Grandfather w-would be proud of me…?”

Leon’s posture softened in an instant.

“ Oh, Luis…”

Luis couldn’t hold it together much longer; he collapsed into Leon’s arms in an instant, feeling awfully small and vulnerable as he cried silently into his partner's shoulder. He could hear Leon murmur some reassuring words from above him, but he couldn’t make them out; the blondes chin rested atop his head as his arms squeezed him tight, rocking Luis back-and-fourth in an attempt to soothe him.

Luis, ironically, felt a little bit like how Teo must’ve been feeling just a moment ago.

“You wanna know something, Luis?”

Leon finally said loud enough for him to hear, pulling away just slightly so he could cup Luis’ face in his hands; wiping away the tears from his cheeks.

“Your Grandfather would be so, so proud of you. I know that for a fact. He would be over the moon for you”

“B-but w-w-what if I’m n-not doing e-enough for T-Teo? I-I j-just w-wanna be like m-mí A-Abuelo..-“

“You’re doing more than enough, Luis. You’re going so above and beyond you have no idea. Listen to me,”

Leon grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact.

“You’re not alone. You understand? You have us. And if your Grandfather were still alive, he would be by your side and telling you what an incredible job you’re doing. You are the best Father, understood? Your Grandfather would be so proud of you.”

That was enough for Luis to break down into tired, open-mouthed sobs against Leon’s chest. The two of them had to return to their own bedroom to keep Matteo from waking up; But it was worth it.

Luis stayed curled up against Leon for the entire night, having his hair combed through by his partner's hands as he cried against his shirt.

Luis eventually fell asleep. And for the first time in quite a while, he actually had a decent night's sleep.

He had Leon. He had Chris, and he had Matteo.

He promised to himself that he would make his Grandfather proud.

He would be a good Father to Teo. He would do anything for his beautiful boy.

And nothing in the world could ever change that.

#ericswriting #serennedy week 2023 #serennedyweek2023 #serennedy week #serennedy #luis sera fanfic #luis serra fanfic #leon s kennedy fanfiction #leon kennedy fanfic

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indigaux · 2 years ago

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I got an appearance in the Boston Globe!

big thanks to Pink Navel for bringing me to Cambridge 💕 eight years ago when i was a freshman at umass boston, i wouldn’t have guessed that this is what i’d be doing today ~ finishing some hot ‘zza while reading an article about a bar that got its guts rearranged by my music 🍕

music has been a journey of patience and innerstanding, something i needed lots of when i lived in Boston. some of y’all know that i had awful racist roommates back then who literally tried to poison me dead 😱 i still have recordings and screenshots of the horrible things they’d said plotted against my space and wellbeing.

omg I was thinking about that whole situation when i was on stage. no matter how small or big, even the most minor micro aggression accumulates into a society that tolerated violence against Black and brown people. I read a lot about Sayed Faisal before I hit the stage, a Umass Boston student of color who was gunned down by Cambridge police. How does a government approved, trained officer end up putting a bullet in a student? If you don’t know the answer, think about it a little.

If you’re a radical thinker like me, you might think that it’s society’s overlapping prejudices toward POC that leaves us vulnerable to unreasonable violence. Because of my bad situation with the three girls who tried to poison me, i learned the hard way that it’s vital to call out all prejudices as soon as i smell em.

Deinvisiblize racism and patriarchal bullshxt by calling it out like YEAH I SEE YOU BEING AN ASSHXLE AND I’M CALLING IT OUT CUZ NORMALIZING THAT KINDA BEHAVIOR ACTUALLY COSTS LIVES ✨

so i dedicated my performance to my past self who had to deal with that violence before i could protect myself with the power of love and innerstanding. I dedicated it to Faisal, who didn’t get a chance at restorative justice and was taken from this earth too soon 🤍

happy monday, by the way! if you read this far you’re a literal faerie gem 💎 i love that you like getting to know me :) definitely take a look at my YouTube channel to see my full Boston performance, and listen to my new EP “Restorative Vengeance” on SoundCloud to feel the radical BXTCH vibes i radiate irl 🌙 love you!!! sweet dreams

youtube

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mywifeleftme · 1 year ago

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212: Blaze Foley // Live at the Austin Outhouse

Live at the Austin Outhouse Blaze Foley 1999, Lost Art (Bandcamp)

I wept over Blaze Foley’s grave. I didn’t expect to. I was visiting Austin at the beginning of a roadtrip, and my friend asked if there were anything around the city I wanted to see before we set off west toward Big Bend and the Rio Grande. It occurred to me that maybe Townes Van Zandt might be buried somewhere in the area, and I thought it’d be nice to go say my respects. It turned out that Townes rests in Tennessee, but the subject of doomed country singers and their graves brought to mind a story I’d heard about Townes and his friend Blaze, how after Blaze was murdered in 1989 Townes had had him temporarily exhumed in order to get at the front pocket of the suit he’d been buried, where there was a pawn shop ticket for a guitar the dead man had hocked shortly before his passing. I figured I wouldn’t mind seeing the place, so we drove down to the little green cemetery in Manchaca where his small stone faces a pasture of grazing longhorn cattle looking like myths or advertisements, and then I sat there and cried. I cried over the magpie offerings on the stone, earrings and poker chits and an empty beer can (literal trash elsewhere, but respectful in this context and careful placement); I cried at the big cows; I cried over the inscription of Blaze’s face and a guitar with the titles of his best-loved songs; I cried because I was hungover, and because I had done a bunch of fucked up things in the preceding years, and I was so full of shame, overwhelmed by the weight of amends; and I cried because this man had been fucked up and he was dead and people still loved him. I guess at the time I needed a sentimental image of a damaged man who does right more than I’d known. And so, the tears came.

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My Blaze fandom has always centered on Live at the Austin Outhouse, the low-slung 1988 two-night stand recorded barely a month before his death that first saw wide release (in excerpted form) on CD in 1999. (The full four-hour-long tapes just hit streaming platforms this year.) Foley’s discography is brief, and all of it worth the listen, but he was never in better voice, or more warmly recorded, than he was at the Outhouse. If you’ve heard Van Zandt’s Live at the Old Quarter, Houston, Texas, the experience is similar: amid clanking bottles and bar chatter, the most desolate, acoustic songs of yearning sit side by side with wry character sketches and a helping of the dumbest, most adorable stage patter yet recorded. The predominantly solo album is a showcase for Blaze’s remarkable abilities as a country blues picker, and that unmistakable worn, lorn baritone of his.

Though Foley lacked Van Zandt’s overtly poetic predilections (e.g. “Lungs”; “Silver Ships of Andilar”), at his best he was Townes’ equal as a romantic and his better as a wit. For my taste, there isn’t a more genuinely moving love song than “Oooh Love,” a song that sounds like an old junkyard dog surprised to find himself being stroked after years in the rain. There’s brilliance in the slow reveal of its opening verse, his lover complimenting this big hairy man on his “pretty blue eyes” rather than the reverse:

Blue eyes She said pretty blue eyes Said I had pretty blue eyes See me again She wants to See me again She's such a pleasant surprise

It puts the masculine speaker immediately in an unfamiliar, vulnerable position, the one feeling the wonder of being unexpectedly chosen. On the other side, there’s “Officer Norris.” Foley does the best job anybody’s done of lambasting the cops since Kristofferson’s “Best of All Possible Worlds,” dressing down the titular officer for everything from cribbing free coffee cakes to chasing after married women to being abandoned by his mother because he was an unlikable baby. Blaze gives us “If I Could Only Fly” too, a quintessential (and rendingly) sad country song, and “Christian Lady Talking on the Bus,” a wholly unsentimental look at faith and self-delusion. And above all, there’s “Clay Pigeons,” a song of disappointment and humour and endurance and crooked optimism that strikes something true in me like almost no other song has. As someone who’s started over quite a few times at this point, it’s become an anthem, and more than anything else, it’s why I convinced my pal to take me out there south of Austin to pay my respects in person. Music has never fixed anybody, but it can bring who you are into focus. Lord knows I needed that.

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A note on the versions of this recording

Blaze played nearly 30 songs over the course of his two nights at the Outhouse. I’ve been going through the full tapes today (which contain at least as much audio of the Duct Tape Messiah goofing with his friends in the crowd as it does music). While of the original cassette that was passed around Blaze’s friends and fans in the late ‘80s contained 21 tracks, it’s now clear how much my sense of Austin Outhouse as an “album” comes from the work Lost Art Records did when they put out their condensed 12-song CD edition. Lost Art left in a smattering of the choicer bits of Blaze’s rambles and winnowed the tracklist down, turning what could’ve been a double-live record (or a for-true-maniacs boxed set) into a digestible introduction to the man’s work. In order to keep things on one disc, the 2020 vinyl issue (also from Lost Art) leaves out what stage patter had remained, which makes it a smoother repeat listen for those already well-familiar with Blaze’s bits. Still, the CD/streaming version remains definitive for me because it was how I “met” the man.

All that said, the chance to hear versions of other Foley classics recorded in the same space as the familiar cuts is a thrill. If you’re already a fan, I strongly encourage you to try out the live versions of the two studio cuts from the original, and takes on “Springtime in Uganda,” “Long Time,” “Oval Room,” “Someday” and many more. Be forewarned though; it is beyond eerie hearing Blaze talk with obvious affection about (and even do an impression of) his friend Concho January, the elderly pensioner whose son Carey would shoot Foley dead just a few weeks later. By Concho’s own courtroom testimony, the burly country singer died trying to prevent Carey from yet again robbing the old man of a welfare cheque. It was a squalid, hero’s death, and he deserved better.

212/365

#blaze foley #outlaw country #country folk #finger picking #the duct tape messiah #townes van zandt #tales from the tour bus #'80s music #'70s music #vinyl record #music review #texas country #texas music #austin

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collymore · 3 months ago

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There's no restoration of life after someone has been wrongly convicted and executed!

By Stanley Collymore

No sensible and intelligent person, of whom I'm one amongst them, is distinctively arguing about Freddie Owens' guilt or innocence with the known killing of his cell mate! For none of us distinctively know in that very obvious altercation between these two cellmates whether it literally wasn't a case of kill or be killed. And to all you hardcore racists baying quite psychopathically for blood, simply unquestionably, behaving as the vile, delusional self-righteous paragons of virtue, and evidently virtue signalling morons, I'll very fittingly say this to you. It's Freddie Owen's guilt or his potential innocence that initially and very clearly rather undoubtedly put him in prison in the first place, and which conscionably is rightfully, being called into question!

Author's Remarks: Much is literally being made now of the fact that Freddie Owen's killed his cell mate some twelve hours after he was imprisoned and had simply just been convicted and effectively sentenced to death. Now stop and think those of you literally with brains to do so. Any normal person clearly put in that position would be rather thoroughly traumatized and not actually looking to literally make his condition worse than what it evidently already was.

However, as reported, Freddie Owens was put in a cell with another individual who then taunted him with the news that this other bloke's cousin was actually on the jury that found Freddie to be guilty. I don't know about you, but as someone who has lived a crime free life for my absolute existence, were I to be sentenced not only to jail but likewise as well to Death and for a crime I just didn't commit, then to have someone in the same cell as myself taunting me about a crime I didn't commit and additionally boasting that a close relative of his avidly facilitated the horrible situation I was in, I too would lose my rag with that individual, so would most normal people.

None of us know who started the fight as the other participant is dead. But to quite asininely state that because the other bloke did end up dead and stupidly deduce in your fertile brain, if indeed you have one, that Freddie Owen's is thus an instinctive murderer is pure hogwash.

Killing someone in Civvy Street where you can possibly get away with it is wholly different from killing someone in a prison cell where you and that individual are the sole occupants.

Furthermore, as reported articles clearly state Freddie Owens is sentenced to death and isn't trying to save anyone. Steven Golden is the one who gave evidence at the trial and now claims that he committed perjury, principally that he wasn't there. He is serving 28 years not a death sentence as Freddie Owen's is; so he obviously has nothing to gain personally from what he's doing now!

And why the death penalty is so arbitrary is that it's open to widespread abuse, as you cannot undo the state killing of someone by virtue of the death penalty if that individual is evidently and irrefutably subsequently found to be quite innocent. And the clearly wrongful execution of Timothy Evans in Britain for something he didn't do successfully garnered intelligent minds to abolish the Death Penalty in Britain; while in very infantile USA it's regarded as a macho thing.

It's the statutory duty of the respective prison authorities to lawfully and impartially exercise the requisite care and protection to every prisoner in their custody, irrespective of whether that individual is awaiting trial or has actually been convicted in a court of law and accordingly punitively sanctioned to whatever penalty which the court has authorized.

And for the prison authorities to flout this obligatory rule and wilfully place any prisoner, and especially so a very vulnerable one, in a cell knowing full well that the obviously chosen cellmate already there will be most inimical to that new prisoner’s welfare generally, and even his life specifically, is an absolute travesty of justice. And the only single-mindedly reason for doing so in the case of Freddie Owens was the inevitable outcome that expectedly occurred, and with these prison authorities earnestly hoping from the outset of their actions for two deaths instead of one; namely either the death of Freddie Owens cellmate , which actually occurred,, accompanied by the inevitable death penalty demise of Freddie Owens himself, or Freddie Owens cellmate actually killing Freddie, and himself subsequently being charged, convicted and in all probability sentenced to death and inevitably executed for Freddie Owen’s murder.

All inconsequential now to the prison authorities and the judiciary and civilian system likewise, and equally so the surfeit of endemically racist, delusional in their entrenched and sick minds with the concept of the allegedly master race supremacy, attendant of course with their blatantly brazen and hypocritical virtue signalling, gleefully celebrating the execution of Freddie Owens, who I leant was actually executed just hours after I had written this poem about him. Your execution was always inevitable, I felt as there were those in authority who for their own prejudicial reasons didn’t really care if you were spuriously guilty or actually innocent. So I’ll simply say, rest in eternal peace my brother, in the full knowledge that your earthly torment is permanently over!

Make America Great Again? When was it ever so?

#hate

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togekissies · 7 months ago

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been bitching a lot lately about geats lately

and specifically ace and how disappointing of a character he is because he's a perfect gary stu and not even annoyingly full of himself in a fun and interesting and HUMAN way like sento is, and it made me wants to go back and look at geats fic i started way back in the early season when i thought we would be getting an interesting and compelling characterization for ace through the season and now i'm annoyed at how charitable i'd been for his character and how much better he would have been

like we were getting flashbacks of his mother that was clearly taking place in the past and he had that coin, and i was like actually i hate the idea that he's immortal (a big theory around then) and given how hazy and dream-like the memory of his mom looks, what if it's half-remembered past life memories (god i'm so fucking annoyed i was mostly right there), and i wrote:

“I don’t want to stay here,” Ace says before he can stop himself. “I want to go—” Here he falters, his memory stuttering, giving him images of a place he’d long forgotten and can no longer recognize. It rattles him, and his breath catches in his throat. “...Home.”

imo it would have been a lot more interesting to see ace trying to recover his own past memories to look for clues for his mother, instead of him having perfect recall. ace having all the answers and knowing everything is such a boring trait in a main character.

and THEN i was reading his insistence on calling everyone by their rider name as him trying to put distance between himself and the other characters because he's seen too make people die to the games to want to get attached, and extrapolated further to make it so he refused to be vulnerable and wrote:

Ace’s first instinct is to not give the truth. His hackles are raised and every nerve in his body is screaming at him to not show weakness. “I don’t have a headache.”

i wanted ace to be the type of person who doesn't want to like others but he can't help himself, and wanted to see him slowly give up on trying to put distance between him and neon and keiwa (and later michinaga i guess) and wrote shit like:

[Neon and Keiwa go to check up on Ace, startling him] It’s just those two. Ace relaxes, then is disturbed at how quickly his defensive instincts leave him when they’re around.

do you have any idea how excited i was during the boost mark II arc when ace kept falling asleep and refusing to admit anything was wrong because using boost mark II was so hard on his body it was exhausting him??? i thought it was finally happening! i thought we were finally getting an arc where ace has to admit he's human and has human flaws! but then some twink from the future gives ace a get of jail free card and oh my god i really think all the future characters bog down this show and should have not been included

absolutely fucking hilarious that the "ace has a dead dog backstory" from the vs gotchard movie is not only the most compelling part of ace's characterization, it's compelling because it does EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. ace kept insisting he doesn't do pets because he loved his childhood dog so much he refused to get attached to any other animal because he was heartbroken when his dog died. imagine that!!!!!!

i dropped geats shortly after the geat IX arc and i will say the best part of geats are the suits. geats IX is a sexy suit. we should all be grateful that's when i dropped geats because if i'd watched the bujin arc i would still be foaming at the mouth over how much they fucked up keiwa's arc. hilariously i think my keiwa characterization is more different than the show than my ace characterization because APPARENTLY i was portraying him with a completely different set of base values. literally have no fucking clue how this happened

i had this idea for a canon divergence au for geats where keiwa is in the games first, trying to think about how the dynamics would change if he was the veteran and ace was the newbie, and i still really like that idea but (spoilers for a fic i'll never write) it was supposed to be a surprise time loop fic where ace ends up resetting time with the fic ending where the show began, and i refuse to write it because i ended up hating how the show turned out. which is so annoying because that idea right there is incredibly cool!!!! ugh geats why did you do this to me

at least neon exists, even if her show is Like That. i think i will name a future cat after her.

#text please!#tossing this under a cut because i did my time in the tumblr fandom discourse mines #i just wanna complain i'm not gonna bother with people who wanna tell me i'm wrong lmao #if you're wondering the fic i was quoting was about ace getting a concussion and keiwa and neon taking care of him #i still think they are a good ot3

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funsize-cenobites · 2 years ago

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Screaming into the void, but sometimes the level of childish entitlement some queers feel they have over any space that welcomes them, created by those within their own community astounds me. Queer bars are sacred. You're allowed to be a little uncomfortable as a trans person around cis queers but how fucking dare you bitch and moan about having to share public space with your entire community. Get over yourself. You wouldn't last a fucking day in my home town or even the most 'accepting' city of my entire home state. You are given space just like everyone else here. Someone put their blood sweat and tears into creating a space to offer to you and the rest of our community. Share it or create your own. Or do we need to go back to kindergarten about this?

And secondly, while I'm ranting about nothing of contextual consequence, if you feel the self-importance needed to feel comfortable name dropping a fucking community wide tragedy over something that you could have simply been honest and vulnerable over WITHOUT DIRECTLY TARGETING TWO INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE with the full, agonizing weight of a recent fucking mass shooting. That is so beyond abhorrent to me. How dare you. How dare you believe something like this is worth the retraumatizing of two people who are simply living their lives offering more space for the entire community.

STAKING THEIR LIVES AND LIVELINESS SIMPLY BY OWNING AND OPERATING A FUCKING QUEER BAR AND BEING THERE BASICALLY EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Placing themselves publicly in harms way LITERALLY just so you can have any amount of space to exist outside of your fucking HOUSE. How fucking dare you believe you have the fucking gravitas, the fucking outright gall to invoke the victims (OF WHOM WERE NOT JUST TRANS BUT CIS QUEERS TOO I MIGHT ADD, YOU TONE DEAF PIECES OF SHIT) of one of the most recent queer generational traumas. Specifically wielding that trauma and pain, the pain of the entire community, as a weapon against two people who held your sorry fucking asses in their space, in their ARMS in some cases, during these exact situations. Just because you feel so entitled.

That is unforgivably monsterous. That is abhorrent and you are not only a fucking child but you are deeply deeply disturbingly unaware of how community works, especially when we are in so much danger. Stay at home. Do not come to queer bars made by queer/trans people if you cannot be a decent fucking human being. You owe compassion and simple human kindness to your community, living and dead.

How dare you use our sacred dead as a weapon against literally two people over something that could have been a simple, open, and genuine email. What in gods fucking name gave you the fucking right

#Im so mad #Im beyond angry #Im mortified #And so disappointed #personal

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ellayuki · 2 years ago

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20082022 - Game of Thrones

‘If ever you wish to come back, know that you can,’ she writes, her letters small and neat even as her hand trembles ever so slightly. The crown on her head is heavy, she’s yet to get used to its weight, but Sansa lets it ground her, lets it steady her. ‘Winterfell will be your home for as long as either of us draw breath in this world. Never doubt that.’

She sets her quill down, picks up the scroll, and blows lightly on it. Reads it and re-reads it until the words are a jumbled mess before her eyes, and then sets it down to sign it.

‘Sansa Stark, Queen in the North,’ she almost writes but stops herself.

Then, ‘Yours, always, Sansa,’ but that sounds too much like… well, like things she does not let herself think about, things that leave a wretched, bittersweet taste in her mouth even after so long.

She reads the letter again. Closes her eyes and takes a soft breath. ‘Sansa,’ she writes in the end, and sighs.

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biceratops7 · 3 years ago

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Something we don’t talk about enough:

I see lots of people who think Izzy is in love with Blackbeard, which btw can absolutely still be true, but let’s not ignore what Izzy already is to Ed… an abusive friend.

Um... no you didn’t.

In one of the very first scenes we see them interact, Izzy deliberately lies to him. Why? What is the point of telling him that Stede made those comments with full knowledge of who he was referring to? The point is that now Ed has a reason to “teach him a lesson.” Izzy doesn’t actually care why Ed wants to meet Stede, he just cares that it’s done in an acceptable way by his standards (aka violently). With Ed’s current state, Izzy is unsure he’s going to behave the way he wants him to. So he immediately uses subtle manipulation just in case, something that Ed would likely never notice.

We also see Izzy on several occasions try to manipulate Ed into distancing himself from any other person he could be close to, but also pulling back when Ed starts to catch on. When Ed starts visibly connecting with Stede, Izzy makes it pretty clear that he sees this as unacceptable and threatens abandonment… but then Ed claims that he’s actually planning to kill Stede. And suddenly Ed’s “still got it.” Abusers are really good at knowing when to threaten and when to hold back.

This same idea is applied when Stede is about to be shot by the firing squad. This is possibly the only time Izzy seems to speak to Ed with kindness… and is also possibly the most diabolical we see him.

A trademark of any abusive relationship is the feeling of isolation, that the world has fallen and they are the only ones either willing or able to shelter you from it no matter how they treat you. Izzy’s ensuring this by first of all, literally getting rid of the actual healthy relationship in Ed’s life, and second, swooping in and presenting himself as the only available alternative. He speaks kindly to Ed and reframes his abusive behavior as “loyalty to his captain”, aka “I hurt you because I love you.”

He even calls him Edward, something he’s been increasingly more and more against but is now doing it with such ease that Ed may doubt himself. “Was Izzy actually that much of an asshole about it before? Is he willing to do better? Was I just being a paranoid?”

Izzy essentially tries to love bomb Ed in this scene. Instead Ed punches him in the face and then successfully rescues his very kind and respectful boyfriend. Good for him 😂

But speaking of boyfriends… alright let’s talk about that scene.

Aside from “telling someone they should be dead and then calling them a slur” possibly winning a medal for worst way to treat a depressed person ever, this is where we get to see that all those manipulation tactics actually worked. If Izzy loves him enough to “tell the truth” no matter how hurtful or humiliating, then that means actual demonstrations of love are potential lies. After all, the first person to successfully show Ed that softness can come without a price has just betrayed his trust in a big way.

Is Ed’s vulnerability really being rewarded? Since when did it ever get be that simple? Are his real friends actually being kind… or is this passive aggression? A history of abuse puts people in a place where they are never sure. After all, pirates don’t have friends. They’re just in various stages of fucking each other over.

Abusive friends are almost never portrayed in media and I think they really should be. Bad friendships can be just as damaging and difficult to overcome as bad romantic and familial relationships. That is why I think it’s important for Izzy to remain a villain, and for Ed to eventually learn to see through him and either cast him out or demand better treatment. Because no one owes an abuser redemption, even if by virtue of the relationship people think you just “let it happen.”

#Ive been writing this for way too friggin long now #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #analysis #ofmd izzy #izzy hands #abusive friendships #edward teach #blackbeard #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #the revenge crew #episode 10 #biceratops

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kingdaddydaichi · 3 years ago

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NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

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starshipsofstarlord · 4 years ago

Text

Jealous

Pairing | Eric Northman x reader

Summary | bringing your partner to the bar seemed like a good idea in order to have a nice and relaxing night. However, he appears to become jealous as you speak to the owner of Merlottes.

Warnings | smut, jealousy, swearing, exhibition kink, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), squirting, swearing

Requested ✖️

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

A hunger derived in the vampire’s chest, a blossoming swarm of contained rage that made the sheriff clench his fangs and watch with piercing eyes. The laughter that resonated from your chest made him scowl, all because he was the one that was not causing it.

Instead, it was the dog that ran around this human grill, the shifter that more often than not, tried to distance himself from trouble. He was the owner of Merlottes. Sam Merlotte was his name, he had a head full of ashy brown hair, that had ropes of grey pleated through it. He was a nice man, warm and welcoming, the complete opposite of Eric in some sense.

The Viking vampire was known, and to your knowledge to be notorious. He never allowed anything to stand in his way, and if it dared to, he would literally, rip its head off if it had one. And despite that deadly feature that he exhibited, you still claimed to have loved him. The two of you were great together, you seemingly brought out the best in him, apart from right now.

Eric grunted to no one directly as he watched you swish your head side to side, shaking it as you laughed at something the bartender said. All that you were supposed to be doing were ordering drinks, not flirting with another one of the men that had previously been head over heels for Sookie.

With one last glance at the shifter, you turned back, sitting on the opposite side of the booth that Eric had been holding. You brushed your hair over your shoulder, it was obvious that you were relaxed in this environment. It was filled with your friends and neighbours, acquaintances and strangers. But it still, despite the limitless customers, induced you with serenity.

“The drinks will be here in a couple.” Despite informing him, it appeared that he could care less about the time until the order reached the surface of the table.

“Will that animal be serving them?” In reply, you laughed, dismissing the seriousness within his tone. That was, until you maintained eye contact with the tall blonde, noticing the feral presence decreasing the size of his pupil.

“Are you speaking about Sam?” You asked uncertainty, the owner having been the only one that you had conversed with in the bar, excluding Eric, so far. “Oh my god, you are.” Your speculation had been correct, and you couldn’t help but feel a pulse of annoyance within you.

If Eric actually ever listened to you, then he would know that your friends meant the world and more to you, and that included the shapeshifter. “I don’t like the way he was looking at you.” He put it simply, and you could only scoff at his defence. It was hardly a reason for him to appear and treat you so uptight and rudely.

“What, with care? Because news flash, maybe you haven’t noticed everything that I have done for you Eric, but many times my actions have proven that you are it for me. And if you can’t see that, you may as well be human!” To support your active words, you stood, the palms of your hands planted upon the surface of the booth.

Sookie quirked a brow as her head filled with your thoughts, however she had no time to adjust to them or check how you were doing, as you stormed out of the grill, leaving Eric with a frown and a sombre glaze in his untameable eyes.

But she couldn’t help herself from taking your place looking down at the table, judgementally prying Eric with a disgruntled frown. “Did you seriously question y/n’s love with you?!” Her accent came out strong, digging into the tense atmosphere that you had strongly abandoned.

Eric rolled his eyes at her intrusion, finding it to be a familiar, yet frustrating feeling of her always bursting his bubble. “It has nothing to do with you, why don’t you talk some sense into your vampiric boyfriend instead?” He jutted back at her, standing, and brushing off any possible lint from his blazer jacket.

Reaching into his inside pocket, he grabbed a small amount of cash, placing it upon the table, and walking past the half faerie, brushing against her as he went towards the door, leaving. Eric had no worries, he could sense that even whilst he was inside, that you were there, leant up against the wall, awaiting for him to follow after you. It was inevitable that he evens would.

Your arms were crossed, and you were facing the parking lot rather than the entrance. The stature that you upheld made it rather clear that you were angry with his behaviour; and not to mention that it was also in public.

The vampire knew that you loved him, despite Sookie’s feeble accusations. Fighting was not something that the pair of you were estranged to, however it made you furious to know that he would accuse you of being interested in somebody else.

It was certain that if Pam was here she would scold her maker for his uptight, and jealous outburst. But it wasn’t as though she would have been able to prevent it anyways, considering that she was all the way across town in Fangtasia attending to the business ongoing there.

“I do know that you love me.” His voice rang out in the cold of the night, frolicking to your ears and biting your lobes as you still refused to face the tall and unfavourable vampire.

“Right now, that is debatable.” Was your retort, feeling the cold air brush against your face as you felt it pinch your nose. “To not only insult my friend, but embarrass me in front of a bar full of people, that was not how tonight was supposed to go at all!”

Your body jolted as you suddenly felt his body press against the back of your own, his large and explorative hand dragging up the skin of your exposed thigh, that was free of coverage in the casual black dress that you had opted to wear for the occasion.

“I am sorry my lovely dear, you know how I tend to be, especially when I hear other men make you evoke that wonderful and all consuming laugh that gets my dead heart to beat every time.” A hitch of a sigh caught in your throat as you tried to remain unaffected by Eric’s flattery, but it was rather impossible, more so as his hands brushed against the lace of your panties.

On reflex, you snapped his hands away from that part of you, you were in the middle of the parking lot for Christ sakes! Though that did not, nor did it ever seem to phase him, if you were to guess, you had noticed some hints leading to him having an exhibition kink. And it was not as though you had never called him out on it, though, most of the time, you happened to give into his public desires.

It was often portrayed within the context and realm of his workplace; Fangtasia. Within the club, there was a frequent case of rendezvous that the club permitted to take place inside its various walls that were filled with vampires and their lustful humans. The exchanges that took place were anything but loving, they were filled by hunger, and the curiosity that simple people, that thought themselves to be edgy and desirable to the immortal eye, all making the rooms reek of pretentious assholes taking advantage of one another.

“We are not doing that here Eric.” You scolded his efforts, despite your craving for them to take place, and ravish you no matter the surrounding that were into the background anyways. With great resilience, you swatted his north travelling hands away, making them stoic from the adequate dismissal.But Eric Northman was never one to admit defeat, he had a plaguing tendency to get what he wanted, and he was always had a route of persuasion to get it.

“Aren’t we?” He asked wispily unto your drifting head, as though he were corrupting the stubbornness that was attempting to remain untainted in the rafters that floated so correspondingly through your weightless veins. “Then why are we sneaking to the back of the grill?” His words had a frown fired upon your face as you tried to register the truth behind his words, but in time before you could ask the mysterious vampire what he had meant by his words, he had sped you away to the said part that was already close by.

“Mature move.” You muttered, and the consequences of your off handed comment had earned you the vulnerable position of being pressed right up and against the back door, that was only usable to the staff. If you tilted your head just right, you could hear the clattering of plates being stacked, and the distant voices o Arlene and Terry as they partook in a private discussion that was supposed to be inaudible to anyone else’s ears.

Beaing that close to people that you knew, and in such a compromising situation where they could easily catch you, had you clenching your thighs together, clearly frustrated by the scenario of your predicament. Clearly. And with Eric standing smugly inside of you, once trailing his fingers on the high top of your thigh, his skin tasting your flesh that was beneath the dress, did not help the matters of your hormonal state.

“I said I was sorry.” Eric reminded you, stroking your thighs with his age old touch, and at the notion, your legs quivered, responding affective to his seducing touch. “Perhaps I have to prove it, would you like that y/n?” An audible whimper fell from your stiff mouth, evicting an amused and gloating smirk out of your boyfriend. He knew what he had done, he had moulded you into a desperate mess.

“I’d rather you apologise to Sam, and whoever else you happened to insult in your time in there.” Was your response, though he tutted at it, seeing through its mask, understanding what you wanted was for him to do more than just caress your thighs, and nothing more. “Eric.” A moan slipped from your mouth, as he fondled your breasts through the bleak fabric.

At first, you thought that he was going to pull the material down to expose your womanly globes, but instead, he tore straight down the middle of the dress, leaving it hanging from you by nothing more than a thread. His action enraged you only slightly, but before you could open your mouth to tell him off for destroying your clothing, he snapped the elastic of your underwear, leaving the personal garment to drop in a discarded manner at your heeled feet.

“You are indeed a sight for sore eyes. Do you know how jealous I would be if one of those fools came out here, and saw you so exposed? There’d be no words to describe how much I would want to compel them to forget, and you thought I was angry inside. That would be nothing more than an understatement my dear.” His hands cast themselves down to grope at your ass cheeks, pulling a surprised squeal out of your mouth.

This time, you did not try and stop his feeling of your body, instead, you rather encouraged it. Wrapping your hand in his smooth blonde locks, you began to push down, which was difficult considering how high his head was, leaving your arms half up in the air as you tried to make him descend. “Do something Eric, or I will.”

“Here?” He asked with a prominent smirk, feeling your hostile glare and intoxicating pout bore harshly into him. Rolling his eyes, he sighed, giving up on his verbal teasing as he sank to his knees, looking up at you from beside your legs. He pressed a sweet kiss against your navel, trailing down, until he was nipping at the curve of your mound, his hands resting on the back of your thighs, to pull you closer as he ran his tongue along the hood of your clit, making you bang your head back against the door.

The sound made you eyes go wide, as you worried that someone on the inside must have heard, though the thought quickly subsided as Eric began to eat you alive, stuffing his tongue in your entrance, leaving you to be nothing more than a mewling victim that was in distress from the pleasure that he gave you. His nose rubbed against your clit, as he hummed delightedly against you, the vibrations causing your body to quiver.

“Stop.” You panted, though he continued, staring up at you with those light eyes, that held much darkness of his past. “Need you inside of my Ric. Please, need you to fuck me good and hard, just fuck me.” There were tears frustratedly slipping from the corners of your eyes, as you were upheld of relief as Eric moved away, undoing his bottoms, and taking his long cock out, sweeping it against your slit.

“I’ll fuck you darling; let everyone know that your mine.” His free hand held the corner of your chin, plummeting his tongue into your mouth, to have one moment of calm, before he penetrated you, leaving you in a mess that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head and deliriously spinning from the euphoria that you felt. Eric performed at a fast and unrelentingly pace, slamming you hard enough into the door for everyone to hear.

It was certain that people within Merlottes could hear the sounds that were ravaged from your lips, though you were too absorbed in your own pleasure to care at all. Eric fucked into you hard, and you appeared unfazed as someone tried to open the door from the other side, the wood splintering against your back as your boyfriend‘s strength kept it shut, pushing your floundering body back against it.

And then you felt it, the absentminded swirl in your stomach, coaxing you closer and closer to release. Eric filled you first, and then he reached down, rubbing your clit, causing a clear stream to spray out from around his cock, leaving you utterly exhausted. You were half asleep now, and so, Eric picked you up, and sped away, leaving your torn clothes upon the floor, so that anyone that found them would know that it was the pair of you that had been using the outside wall as a mattress for your engagements.

#eric northman smut #eric northman fanfiction #eric northman x reader #eric imagines #eric northman imagine #eric x reader #eric smut #Eric Northman oneshot #alexander skarsgård imagine #Alexander skarsgard smut #true blood smut #true blood one shot #true blood x reader #true blood imagine #imagines #imagine #xreader #vampire x human

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dawnstruck · 2 years ago

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

I'm probably super late to answer, but this is such an interesting question. The following list is in no particular order; I'll also mostly disregard what I think of the franchises in general, any shipping stuff, and whether or not I think the character was done justice in canon. With many series, I kept reading/watching beyond what I truly enjoyed, because I adored the characters. A good story is important, but I won't truly get invested unless there is a person or dynamic I wholeheartedly love. Also, this got way longer and more poetic than I intended.

Levi Ackermann (Attack on Titan): Love him. Love him to bits. Love that he is technically an overpowered character, but so fallible. Always falling short in a lot of way, often unable to save those he loves. Still trying to do what's right, trying to make the world a better place. He is so full of hurt, and love. I love how everything about him is a contradiction; he is tiny but Humanity's Strongest, a literal son of a whore and the commander's right hand man, a thug with a potty mouth and a cleaning fetish. Levi cares and he cares so deeply. He is such an iconic character

2. Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist, particuarly 2003): Another tiny boi. Full of genius and heart and grief and rage. Edward is intriguing because he learned a really hard lesson when he was just a child. The story literally opens with him making the biggest mistake of his life, and then follows him trying to make amends. I love how is a spunky teen, and a major in a corrupt military, and a big brother, and a prodigy. A loud protagonist like him could easily have been a caricature, but instead he has a lot of facets and depths, and seeing him grow was a delight.

3. Ronan Lynch (The Raven Cycle & The Dream Trilogy): Ronan. Ronan, Ronan, Ronan who is capable of the most fanciful dreams and the most garish nightmares. Whose greatest gift is the worst burden anyone can possibly imagine. He is so tough and so vulnerable. Ronan is bruised knuckles and black boots and sprawling tattoos; he is Sunday mess and hand cream and raven chicks hand-reared in his palm. Ronan grows an entire forest out of a dead language, he would die for his family and friends, and kill for them, too. He prays and dreams and does not talk about his feelings. Ronan is barbed wire: he hurts and he protects, and sometimes he gets all tangled up in himself, only few people dare get close enough to try and unravel him again.

4. Dean Winchester (Supernatural): Hurt boi #4 because they are my favorite flavor. I love that he had to grow up way too quickly. From the beginning of the series, he was such an interesting juxtaposition, hyper-masculine but also geeky, a maternal figure to his brother and a failure in his own eyes, chosen by God and hunted by Hell. He went through so much and still always tried to put other people first. Self-destructive to a fault, insanely quotable, stupidly handsome, and beautifully 3-dimensional.

5. Tanaka Ryounosuke (Haikyuu!!): The joker, the idiot, the loudmouth, the perv even. The backbone of Karasuno that never breaks. Tanaka has such beautiful contrasts in him. He could be such a one-note character (if haikuu had any one-note characters), but instead he is what the team desperately needs. Where everyone else has their moments of weakness and despair, Tanaka is so reliable on the court, which makes the one match where he hits a wall feel so daunting. I love that he messes around a lot but, ultimately, he is always there, from the very beginning. I love his posturing and how he is ultimately just a boy from a small town. I love that he gets the girl. I also love that Saeko is his sister, but she didn't quite make it onto this list.

6. Fa Mulan (Disney, animated original, ofc): Mulan was my crush and my rolemodel and my pre-teen bisexual awakening. She embodied genderfluidity in a way that was way ahead of its time. Mulan is soft and feminine and caring, she is tomboyish and klutzy and wicked-smart, she is strong and manly and suited for war. Mulan's decision to join the army was not born out of a need to run away or prove her worth or to kill the Huns. She did it out of love, to protect her father, her family, her country. She knowingly put herself in grave danger, either by dying on the battlefield or by being found out. To me, the moment she is pulls herself up the pole to get the arrow is one of the most iconic in film history; that shit shaped me. She also managed to bag Shang, and boy, was he the other half of my sexual awakening.

7. the Unicorn/Lady Amalthea (The Last Unicorn): The whimsical fairy tale setting allows for such interesting story setting. The idea that she is the last of her kind, that she didn't even know because she was living in her eternal forest, that she left the sanctity of her home to look for the others, with no idea what she would find... I love that she, too, is ultimately a terrible and ancient thing, much like the harpy. I love her arrogance and ignorance, her wisdom and naivety. I love that she is turned into a human and hates it, and hates it more when she falls for Prince Lear. I love that she has to be brave and fight to save the other unicorns, that she succeeds but is forever changed. She is the last unicorn, and the first that learns to love. It's such a bittersweet ending, such a painful parting, and cherishes it nevertheless.

8. Brienne of Tarth (A Song of Ice and Fire): A tall woman. An ugly woman. A woman who is ugly and stays ugly, who grows strong because and in spite of it. The world has been so terrible to Brienne, many times over, but still she chooses to be kind. She devotes herself to Renly because he danced with her once, to Caitlyn because she showed her kindness, to Jaime even because he finally looked and truly saw her. I love how, especially in the books, we get to see a lot of Brienne through Jaime's eyes, how she grows more beautiful and precious the more he gets to know her. Brienne does not have to change for a man to love her; a man is changed because he loves her. Brienne is valor and strength and hard work through and through. She is a knight and she is a woman and neither has been a easily won.

9. Minerva McGonagall (Harry Potter): Do I even need to say anything? McGonagall, especially as portrayed by Dame Maggie Smith, is an icon. She is a badass. She cares for her students, even if she doesn't openly show it. She is easily the best teacher at Hogwarts, for quite a number of reasons. She is loyal and good and true. She does not pull her punches. She's witty and visceral and the kind of grounded mature character that HP needed, without turning into a caricature like some of the others. Many of the most memorably moments from HP canon, imo, involve McGonagall. From her welcoming the first-years over her feud with Umbridge to her stepping up against Snape and finally desperately calling Harry's name when she believes him dead. I was never a true Potterhead, but God, do I adore her.

10. Stiles Stilinski (Teen Wolf): The sidekick that was the protagonist to most. Dylan O'Brien brought so much to the table here. Stiles is the everyman amidst a sea of monsters, and yet he is the true force to be reckoned with. Stiles was the heart of the show and the brain. He was the snark and the ace up their sleeves. I love my quiet, tormented boys, but I also love my loud-mouthed idiots who are actually crucial for the group to succeed. I stopped watching TW a long time ago, but I still often think about Stiles.

Some honorable mentions:

Sokka (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Sailor Mars/Rei (Sailor Moon)

Madame Adelaide (Aristocats)

Elle Woods (Legally Blonde the Musical)

Thor (MCU)

Spock (Star Trek)

Newt Scamander (Fantastic Beasts)

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III (How to Train Your Dragon)

#asks #me

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autolenaphilia · 2 years ago

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Alien (1979)

Alien from 1979 is maybe the most scary film I have ever seen. This review has spoilers. I’m gonna presume you have seen the film or know its plot, so no plot summary, and also going to spoil things to discuss themes. There are also brief non-detailed discussions of rape, forced pregnancy and body horror.

It is a film that is unusually good at building tension, in large part to the direction by Ridley Scott. You feel the crew members vulnerability at the eponymous alien, at all times. The film has jump scares, but uses them to build this atmosphere of tension. It has been described with good reason as a haunted house movie set in space, where the cast is confined to a closed-off environment and haunted and hunted by a non-human threat.

Even before the film focuses on a specific alien creature threat, there is an ever present unease at the alien nature of the universe. The film is actually a good science-fiction film because of that, with shades of Lovecraftian themes (the film has some similarities with At the Mountains of Madness). It’s not just about making us fear a specific creature, but at making us fear a vast non-human universe. The sequence where the crew investigate the dead space ship is great at invoking this fear. The gigantic “space jockey” who has so creepily seem to be part of his pilot’s chair, the large scale architecture of the place that is clearly not built for humans, it’s a creepy encounter with the non-human, the alien as adjective, leading into the first encounter with the creature that makes Alien into a noun.

The nature of the Alien plays on other human fears as well of course. It’s main theme is actually a sexual threat. It almost literally reproduces by raping and forcibly impregnating other forms of life, a forced pregnancy that is fatal. And this threat is not confined to those with a womb, but happens to a cis male character. The script by Dan O’Bannon deliberately put those associations in there. And the film’s art design by artist H.R. Giger was perfect to visually realize those themes, as disturbing and alienating sexual imagery was a major theme in his work. His alien designs in this movie are full of phallic and yonic imagery, and very visceral in a disgusting way. The end result is a truly disturbing appeal to human sexual fears, regardless of gender.

The humans in this movie are also so realistic that it adds to the horror. They are ordinary working class people, space truckers operating a freighter. The casting of actors like Harry Dean Stanton, who are often middle-aged and doesn’t have the sterile conventional attractiveness of many movie stars makes this film feel so real.

I have of course also point out Sigourney Weaver’s performance as Ellen Ripley. Ripley is a portrayal of a woman as an intelligent and competent hero, who in the end is the one to defeat the Alien, and the only one of the crew to survive (except the ship’s cat Jones that she saved). She was a major step forward for women characters in horror and science-fiction films for the time.

The crew being ordinary working-class people is also important to another theme of the movie. In addition to the eponymous Alien, it adds another antagonist, which is human in origin but equally inhumane. It’s the Weyland-Yutani corporation, who employed the crew (named slightly differently in this film than in later franchise installments). The events of the film are revealed to be part of a conspiracy. The corporation knew about the Alien and wanted to bring it to Earth, in order to be used and studied as a bioweapon. It is a secret objective or protocol in the ship’s mission. Survival of the crew is secondary to this goal, and it’s enforced by the Ship’s science officer Ash, who is actually a robot. He leads the crew to the alien eggs, and then makes the crew break quarantine regulations and bring the Alien-infected Kane aboard, thus setting in motion the nightmare scenario that is the bulk of the film.

Thus part of the horror is capitalism, who in the pursuit of further profits are willing to sacrifice ordinary working people like the crew of the Nostromo. It creates the conditions for the Alien’s rampage.

I think that’s why Alien is one of the most scary horror films of all time. It’s made with such craft that the tension and threat is palpable at almost all times. The direction and acting, and even casting add to the film’s tense atmosphere. The film’s horror also intelligently appeals to our fear of the unknown and an alien universe. But the film’s themes also deals with exclusively human concerns, like our sexuality and the inhumane nature of our socio-economic system. It’s a horror science-fiction masterpiece.

#Alien 1979 #my writings

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probably-haven · 3 years ago

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Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should.

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can. Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it.

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows.

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over-

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings. I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is.

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other- Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action.

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways.

-Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though.

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips.

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself.

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt. - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing.

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth. - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced.

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that.

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin venti #xiao #venti #xiaoven #genshin analysis #genshin headcanons #xiaoven headcanons #xiaoven analysis #this is a mess i really shouldnt be putting all these tags but oh well #oh wow the grammar and spelling here is truly repulsive #sorry to all my english teachers i have failed you all

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bittersweetmorality · 4 years ago

Text

— aizawa boyfriend headcannons

☾ genre: headcannons

☾ pairing: aizawa shota x gn!reader

☾ warnings: none !! all fluff ! (hints at manga spoilers, but no details or anything about it is actually said)

☾ a/n: HIHI ! i have like 9 other drafts that i’m working on and they’re all for Bungou Stray Dogs 😁 but enjoy this Aizawa brainrot i love him gn.

☾ ALSO ! NSFW headcannons for aizawa will be coming soon as a separate post !!

☾ W/C: 1,373

— SFW

okay i’m sick of all the mfs that say that aizawa is just an emotionless asshole

HE. IS. NOT.

ON MY MAMA HE IS A SWEETHEART DEEP DOWN. IN HIS OWN WAY.

he’s not really outwardly affectionate— especially not at first

mostly because his love language is acts of service and words of affirmation

no i will not take criticism because i am right

HOWEVER of course i shall elaborate 😁

he is a bitter man because of his past (if y’all read the MHA manga... you know 😐.)

but he would not insult someone he genuinely cares about

and obviously he cares about you bae

so words of affirmation is a constant with him— and honestly it just comes out naturally, he doesn’t even force it

and it’s a lot of reassurance too— reminding you that he does care about you despite the fact that he isn’t very good at expressing it

he also doesn’t explicitly say that he loves you most of the time, just ‘cause he’s afraid of the term yaknow

he kinda plays around with words that basically mean the same thing tho 😁

“i’m very proud of you”

“you’re the only one i want”

“how are you feeling?”

“do you need anything from me? are you tired?”

speaking of which

his love language of acts of service said HELLOOOO

he just wants you to be happy and comfortable

but he’s also pretty lazy 😐

so it’s kinda acts of service but in the back of his mind he hopes that the things that make you happy n comfy are easily attainable 🧍

but when i say he’s lazy and that isn’t gunna change for ANYONE .

🧍.

yeah sorry

my mans wants his naps regardless if you want attention like just nap with him

he’s very very okay with that

AND UHHH CUDDLING .

he isn’t big on like hugs or pda or holding hands when it comes to physical affection

but CUDDLING WHILE NAPPING AND SLEEPING?? YES.

he loves that so much omg

like he knows that you’re alone and he’s allowed to be vulnerable around you, and no one is around except the two of you

and your cats

but we’ll get that later

he’s always the big spoon

not because he’s embarrassed or anything he doesn’t really give a fuck about shame in this situation

he just finds it more comfy to hold you rather than the other way around

because he cuddled his pillow for so long that’s just his natural sleeping position

you can tear that headcannon from my cold dead hands and i don’t want to hear it outta any of you

anyway

he’s such a heavy sleeper that he does NOT move an INCH at night

so if you ever have to get up to pee or just generally move around a lot while you sleep he doesn’t care

it literally cannot bother him 😐 he is dead to the world

also he doesn’t dream at all he just 😐 he sleep

he likes to hear about your dreams though if you have them ^_^ you guys talk all about it in the morning and the way he looks at you when you talk ☹️🥺

like in any situation ☹️🥺 he just listening to you talk about things you enjoy— he could listen to your voice all day

he doesn’t really reply much, but you know he’s listening

ANYWAY back to the CATS !!

you have two cats

one cat favors aizawa and one favors you

it’s no surprise that the cat that likes aizawa more has the same personality as you, and the cat that has the same personality as aizawa likes you more

obviously they love you both but like, if they had to choose a lap while you’re both on the couch, you can guess what happens

he loves the cats so much

genuinely he worries for them all the time

the only time he calls you is to check on the cats when he randomly gets anxious about them

“hi. are you home right now?”

“yes hun, i’m on my lunch break,”

“are the cats okay?”

“...yes they’re with me right now?”

“are you sure.”

“.....do you want me to put them up to the phone?”

“yes.”

anyway DATES.

they’re mostly lazy dates (obviously)

he likes the casual aspect of relationships, so that extravagant shit is wasted on him, especially when it comes to dates

he likes to order in, or cook (preferably with you) and watch a movie with the cats

the cats are in fact a requirement

and yes he will cuddle you on the couch while the movie plays, and honestly sometimes he finds himself barely focusing on the movie, just looking down at you laying on his chest and simply admiring you

he's a softie deep down

a big fat softie

also kisses with aizawa???

soft. so Soft™

he's just a very delicate person at heart, so kisses are just the same

he cups your cheeks and plants kisses on your lips and nose all. the. time.

he loves kisses but usually he doesn't initiate them, so you better grow some BALLS and kiss your man

he will kiss you right back instantly

he also isn't very private about his life

but also?? kind of??

like he definitely doesn't make any effort to hide his relationship with you from the rest of the UA staff and students, but obviously he isn't parading you around and shouting from the rooftops

he finds it really stupid for someone to actively hide their significant other from people

like??? make sure to tell people they're yours?? why would you hide that you dumbass

speaking of which aizawa is super protective

he DEF isn't possessive, like "don't you dare talk to that guy or i will kill him" type like some of y'all make him out to be

i see you and i hate you .

he just wants to keep you safe, so he looks out for you constantly

he trusts you not to be possessive, but his natural instincts from past trauma (again, manga reader know) make him look out for people he cares about

and that always includes you

OVERALL

100/10 boyfriend someone kiss him for me </3

"shota?" you called from the kitchen, trying to gather all of the snacks you had organized onto the counter in your arms. there were too many bags, so many that it would definitely be impossible for you to carry them all in one go-- and that was obvious, since every attempt to gather everything was futile. you groaned as the items tumbled out of your grasp for the umpteenth time, "shota, hun can you help?"

"hm? what's wrong?" you heard a monotonous grunt from the living room.

"i can't carry everything myself, and i really don't feel like taking multiple trips," there was no response. you sighed, "pleeeaaase??"

"i'm busy. my hands are full too."

"ugh, he's sitting on the couch, what could he possibly be busy with?" you mutter to yourself through your teeth.

finally, you decide to simply create a makeshift bag out of your shirt, flipping it up inside-out. you quickly place all of your snacks, and speed to where your lazy boyfriend sat in the other room to stop anything from falling.

you aimlessly let everything tumble out of your grasp, the sounds of plastic hitting your wooden coffee table in front of the couch.

"see? you didn't need my help," you could hear the smug smile on his face even if you weren't looking.

"well, you know how much easier it would've been if y-" you begin to whine, but as you look up to face aizawa completely, you realize why he refused to get up. two little cats were curled up on his blanket-covered lap, their bellies rising and falling gently. you tentatively made your way to sit beside him, carefully plopping onto the cushion.

"so you really were busy then, huh?"

he wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to lean your head into the crook of his neck, careful not to move his lap in the process, "well, you know i wouldn't lie to you."

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sepublic · 4 years ago

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How messed up is it that even in this room full of people, surrounded by her old friends, and the new ones (not counting a certain king), Marcy is feeling at her loneliest here. Like, literally no one is coming forward to comfort her, to acknowledge that she’s literally just a scared child who was emotionally manipulated –as Andrias himself blatantly spelled out to the group- and is just terrified of isolation.

Everyone else I understand, but I wish Olivia and Yunnan had done something. That’s such a cruel irony, that Marcy is in the company and presence of so many people, yet she’s so isolated and by herself and apart from the rest, who all have one another to some degree (save Andrias, but even he has his master down in the basement). Marcy is emotionally cut off, and nobody’s really raising a finger to comfort her, to at least respond to and acknowledge her valid fears.

Marcy is practically begging in front of an entire crowd to spare her some sympathy, to consider her viewpoint, to acknowledge that she’s not entirely wrong in wanting to do something about what happened- And nobody is moved enough, just disturbed, to physically move for Marcy herself; And that lack of response just breaks her even more… Like everyone else is too horrified at this sad display here, to consider the literal person and child behind it who is suffering and is also mortified by their own predicament as well!

And again, Anne and Sasha are valid for not wanting to; As are the Plantars, Andrias definitely doesn’t care, and Grime is with Sasha on just about anything… But c’mon, Yunnan! C’mon Olivia! Throw us and Marcy a bone and adopt her as lesbian newt moms!

Marcy really died thinking that if she didn’t do something to justify and make up for it all, she wasn’t deserving of ANY sympathy of respect for her predicament, which… Is genuinely horrifying. That yeah she messed up, but Marcy’s mistakes are still understandable, she’s still a kid, a kid manipulated by an abuser who gaslit her over his own murder of her, and that alone should be worthy of open sympathy?

It’s not like Marcy has to be excused of her actions to be given some level of comfort and acknowledgement, some empathetic connection, for what she did, even if it’s wrong; Because first and foremost her issue stems from hurting and being alone, and everyone can recognize that. She’s a literal child who never intentionally hurt anyone, definitely not directly, and only acted in desperation because of a horrible situation.

It really is the cruelest joke of this series to have Marcy surrounded by everyone, by so many people, yet to clearly be so much more alone than she’s ever been, the loneliest and most miserable she’s been her entire life, when all around her are friends and people who could and normally would comfort and cherish her, but instead are cherishing one another while leaving Marcy herself out.

Again, not to imply anyone aside from Andrias is at particular fault for these feelings, but still… Marcy really did think from this silence that all of her pain and misery didn’t warrant any sympathy, because she still messed up and that was more important than anything else, so fixing her mistakes was the only thing that could warrant Marcy’s recognition as a human in need of help by the others- And even when she’s dying, she STILL believes that she must atone! All her effort is for nothing; And if anything, makes things even worse… That kind of realization can and DID shatter Marcy’s spirit.

Marcy tried to hold onto her friends and that just resulted in them being resentful of her, and Marcy tries to open and bare herself, something she’s so terrified of doing, because she really does not feel happy with who she is, she’s arguably the least comfortable in her own skin; For once she puts herself out there, warts and all… And instead gets rejection. So, never again- Never again will Marcy dare to open herself up, to admit who she is, to acknowledge her own pain and needs and wants… Because who could ever look at someone like her, the TRUE Marcy, and not be repulsed?

Better to just hide it as always- She was right! Marcy was right in always hiding things, in hiding herself, in NOT being herself, trying to change things about herself or adapt to what people wanted… Because when she finally did, for once, bare herself like that to the world, to the people most likely to reciprocate; She just got dead, uncomfortable silence and rejection. Marcy showed her soul off to the world, her innermost fears, and instead was met with disgust and horror. She really is nothing and must actively atone and make up for herself, right? Marcy finally put herself out there as the scared, lonely kid who desperately needed companionship, vouching for herself, something she always hesitated to do- And look what that got her.

Anne and Sasha don’t need her; They were always good at making connections, at appealing to others. When Marcy tries, it just makes people hate her even more… So if Marcy ever gets out of there, I really can see her being quiet and silent and miserable; Constantly hating and blaming herself, pushing herself to the brink to do the ‘right’ thing, and never paying any heed to her own person… Never again opening up, because nobody wants to see that, right? And Marcy is just even more envious of her friends, for having those real connections in Amphibia, for feeling comfortable with who they are, Anne especially- She had the least of them and only lost, while they gained more without her!

Poor Marcy, always left behind… And she believes that’s what she deserves, that’s how it really should be. Thinking and acting otherwise was what caused this entire dilemma in the first place, right? So shut up- Nobody cares. Don’t try to ask for help, because then others will be turned away… And NEVER admit the truth, because if they don’t immediately throw you aside, they’ll just use and manipulate and murder you.

Just, look at them all around Marcy; Cold, implacable, and uncaring… Not really, but to her that’s how it is, and for one, that IS the case; And that Andrias, he really has the audacity to then mock her for this, to mock Marcy for opening up, for being vulnerable, and punish her for going outside of her shell in this moment, for risking it all in an all-or-nothing gambit by asking Anne, straight up to her face, to be with her.

Marcy is never going to open up again, if this is all she’ll get in response- If all that will do is just make her even MORE hurt and mocked over revealing the sad, lonely, pitiful being she is. Marcy bared her soul for it, and didn’t just get nothing; She was hurt and punished for that, because asking for sympathy just made others mock her even more.

She will never be accepted for admitting how lonely she was, for being lonely, for confessing what she went through and was too scared to admit to the girls- And it seems Marcy was right to be afraid after all, because this is their reaction in the end. Marcy dared to make a plea, to be level and genuine, and was wounded for it; Died for it, and blamed for it.

Just putting herself out there, just trying to claim some sense of stake and agency in this world- Trying to resist that cold, inevitable truth of her worthlessness only makes it worse, so don’t resist, just give up and passively go with the flow. When all is said and done, Marcy might ensure something better for others... Even if she herself is left out, as always, because that’s just what her lot in life is.

That’s simply the cold unfairness and reality of the world- So grow up and accept it, you stupid kid. THIS is what it means to be mature, to be an adult, and grow up- Isn’t that right? To become cold and bitter from trauma and pain, because at least that makes you stronger? Isn’t suffering good for someone like you, who deserves it, because it makes you better in the end, less weak? I’m sure that’s what Andrias thinks.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #amphibia marcy #marcy wu #amphibia marcy wu #angst #meta

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