#puppet fucking is a sacred act

[muppet-lurker]

GET 👏 THAT 👏 PUPPET 👏

PREGNANT!!!!

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Why The Veilguard Handles Grey Wardens Better than Dragon Age Inquisition: The horrors of the Blight, the Calling and the Cauldron

Grey wardens are by far my favourite part of Dragon Age Lore. On the surface; knights in shining armor who protect the world against an unstoppable nightmare. Underneath; a messed up and dubious order who recruit from the criminals of Thedas and who are doomed to die the moment they sign on with the Wardens.

And while I have a problem with a lot of the factions in DAtV, I think the Grey Wardens are handled excellently, because they're far less sanatised than their counterparts.

Grey wardens are a dodgy organisation filled with dodgy people who the people of Thedas have to tolerate because they are the only people who can protect it from an unwise unstoppable evil force. We're shown this as early as the first act in DAO where Duncan casually stabs a man because he doesn't want to die via the joining. To save the world they make unthinkable decisions and then because those decisions are so unthinkable, they keep all those decisions secret. You, as the Warden in DAO, can do some truly horrific things in the name of stopping the blight.

And Dragon age the Veilguard gets this so right. Davrin is a hero, a monster hunter who wants to do right. And yet he is confronted with the horror of the grey wardens time and time again in his personal quests. He is made to see how the order hides even from its own members the horrific things they do in order to create an illusion that the sacred oath is valient and worth upholding.

The Cauldron was by far one of my favourite parts of DAtV. The fact that all the griffin bones are just unceremoniously thrown in there with absolutely no regard for the sacrifice; the fact that the griffins of old went crazy after they were blighted on purpose to oppose the blight...its horrific and horrible and maybe it was the only way to save the world but surely there was another way?

Similarly, we reach the end of Davrins quest and the blighted Wessinhaupt...this isn't some horrible devious plan, Issya has been driven mad by what she was ordered to do to the griffins, and she can't stand it. She's blighted by the blood in her veins, just like she blighted her griffins. And the idea that some who fall pray to the calling end up there in this fact Wessinhaupt, their minds so twisted that they can't tell whats real anymore...it's so messed up I love it.

And yet we still have good grey warden characters just like we always have! Antone and Evka were my favourite side characters in any faction in this game. Do I wish the Grey Warden Commander had a little more nuance to him? Yes. But that's literally the only thing I have a big issue with. It's so interesting as well that with Antone and Evka in charge they start to allow people to take the joining without signing up. We know some who have joined before no longer associate with the order (Anders) but this is on a whole new level. It makes sense that they'd make that decision, but the implications about what characters who don't know what to do if they start hearing the calling...its delicious.

But I promised you some juicy DAI vs DAtV on this one, so let me explain. I think DAI's grey warden lore is interesting, but the fact that they're just mindless puppets of an evil Tevinter magister takes the bite out of it. I long for a game where the Grey Wardens are working with Corphyesus of their own violition because it highlights how fucked up they can get. And there's president for it both in The Decent in Da2 AND you as a protagonist might have made that decision to support the archetech in DAI.

In DAtV the wardens aren't morally dubious because they're working with Elganan or being mind controlled or tricked. The wardens are morally dubious because that's what they've always been. They're also heros because that's what they've always been. It's such a wonderful faction and I think they've done incredibly well with it.

In DAI all wardens are hearing the calling but we never really feel the horror of that properly, perhaps because we don't see wardens going down into the deep roads or perhaps because we don't have a (real) warden companion. In DAtV because we go into the deep roads and see these messed up wardens who have been on their calling, it's made more apparent just how terrifying the calling is, how individuals lose their minds and become more and more ghoul like if they don't die first.

And on top of that the Aesthetics! I love the blight boils coming back from DAO, I always found them so creepy and really giving you the full idea that the land is blighted as well as the people, so no crops can grow.

I really loved this part of the game and I'm glad we got it!

[therobotmonster]

So many kid's toys these days just. Arn't fun. They're designed to be COLLECTED rather than PLAYED with. Everything is a fucking blindbag. Materials are flimsy and cheap and designs don't hold up to an actual child throwing them around. And it's all so EXPENSIVE, even accounting for inflation.

To expand on my thoughts here, I'm unrolling a Twitter thread I made about this trend. (with some additions)

The Big H's handling of mainline figs is... distressing, of late. Very little push for show mains, oversupport of already saturated legacy characters, and some frankly unsettling engineering and materials choices (esp in Cyberverse).

Increase in overall fragility, thinner parts, styrene-on-styrene joints that will go floppy in a few months of light play, very little "clicks" or locks solidly... the passion is clearly in the collector's end, and that's just bass ackwards.

This repugnus would have been amazing triumph from Mego in 1970s. But for a mainline big H TF line in the 2020s? This is a backslide. And before anyone brings up that it's from the kids' line, that's the point. They're KIDS, they should get MORE care and effort in their merch.

Every toy you make might be a kid's only birthday gift or holiday present. Toys are /given/ to children, and if the work is subpar, you make a chump out of grandma. You won't be there to blame if it breaks or disappoints.

It seriously drives me nuts seeing how far the stuff-for-kids industries have fallen. There's no brands without the work, but as the poet DMX said: "these cats done forgot what work is."

All your blockbuster superhero empires start in the pulp gutters. Compared to the movies toys, games and comics will never be profitable ENOUGH to be worth it on a billion-dollar scale ledger.

"Give me mighty oaks! There's no profit in acorns!"

If you want the stuff that makes the Michael Bay blockbuster, you have to start with the stupid goofy cartoon no one had seen before where anxiety over the oil crisis was acted out by robotic Punch and Judy puppets. How many studios would greenlight TMNT or TF sight unseen today?

If you make toys and cartoons and video games, your job is to make kids happy. How is that not sacred? If anything is sacred it should be that.

Art is the act of evoking emotion, and fun is an emotion (what else could it be described as?) and it is SO IMPORTANT.

I fear that gets lost in the "what to do over next?" rush. Every artist at those companies has a dozen amazing ideas in their back pocket that won't get a chance to become the next Transformers because a studio is terrified they'll make Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors instead.

Since the world is run by Captain Planet villains, I wouldn't bat an eye if we found out venture capital was a ploy by some disgruntled warlock who just hates the goddamn Care Bears.

Just some dick at Bear Sterns singing "There's no room for joy on a spreadsheet" to a weaselly sidekick.

Cuz guys, we've got companies that make GAMES for CHILDREN hiring the Pinkertons. I repeat. Games. For. Children. That's not normal. That's not a normal thing. That is a very disturbing thing.

And its hard to even discuss without sounding like a frickin' Care Bear myself. Because how do you sum up the creeping dread that the support beams are being mined thin, and everything fun for kids will go the way of Toys-R-Us, dragged down like Artax.

I'm not advocating pure altruism here. There's plenty of money to be made giving kids an awesome experience. It's investing in future fandom. Real Brand loyalty. If you want the blockbuster 15 years from now, get them hooked on the fun cartoon now. The value-add always pays off.

For every Transformers or He-Man there's going to be several Robotix-es or Power Lords. That's a risk. A risk worth taking. New ideas should be easier and cheaper to bring to fruition now than ever. But the system won't let it happen.

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts

Honestly nothing. We have had multi-day flood warnings and I am turning into a mushroom. Temperatures will be dropping back into the 30s (F) starting tomorrow. My neuropathy has been acting up and I've been limping around stiffly. I am one of Those People Who Talk About the Weather because it actually affects my quality of life, goddammit.

Reblogs of interest

Tumblr Live is Dead.

No, Chuck Tingle is NOT Literally Whoever. When would Chuck have time to secretly be the Homestuck guy?

The worst thing about finally accepting your disability limitations is when other people don't.

How to stop your phone camera from being a joyless nihilist

“Someone around here has to get things done, and unfortunately, it’s going to be me”

“Sun Tzu, after desperately trying to explain extremely basic logic to a bunch of upper-class twits, basically sat down and wrote the most elaborate ‘As per my last email’ ever”

Yes, you will find old people attractive when you are old people

“and then I go WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND I KNOW THOSE MONSTERS”

Quiz: What are you the deity of?

He would fucking say that

Blorbo Peckins sweep (when I tell you I can’t wait for the vintage ladies polls)

Video

Poppy Playtime chapter 3 drops this week, complete with a giant screeching purple cat to chase gamers around. 

“His name is Richard Parker, by the way.” The tiger puppet in this video, not the screaming purple cat. 

The sacred texts

I didn’t have a Sacred Text for this week, and then “sharks are smooth as hell” came by again.

Personal tag of the week

Let’s go with... sharks.

[greensupremetangerine]

No but ive been fucking obsessed with this

Half the tume when im thinking of totk, imthinkinh of how Link would act in the past. What weird things would he do in front of his princess's great great great great blah blah grandparents? What does his stone do, what are his powers? Is it also time? (This art claims otherwise with the stone's color, but he canonically "slows down time" in bullet time and flurry rushes, like npc's comment on it) Does he ever throw hands? Dies he restrain himself because he's in poor shape, or does he not give a fuck? Is he still the hero in the past, and does he help in sealing Ganondorf? Does he throw hands with Ganondorf. Does he do it. If the master sword doesn't go back with him, how does it get fixed? If it does, how does it get fixed? Does Zelda still send it back, and can he do anything with it? Does he seal himself away to restore it like Zelda did, or does he do something else entirely?

And to Zelda, what the fuck does she do? As far as we know, she doesn't have any combat training, and there's a lot of combat in the game. Does she go through a training arc? Does she go to the shrines still and enhance her physical form (get more hearts and stamina)? What does her journey look like? She goes to lookout landing and tells Purah that link is fucking gone? The hero of the wild, the weilder of the master sword (that she may or may not still have), has completely vanished? Does Ganondorf use Link as a mirage, illusory puppet now, instead of Zelda? Does "Link" go around everywhere causing trouble? No one fucking recognizes the hero though, so does that even work for Ganondorf? Probably only for the sages, like "Link, buddy! I heard you and the princess were missing! What, I should mine the marbled rock roast? Why?" How does Zelda solve these problems? Does she still go through the temples, still fight the swarms of gibdos in gerudo and fly up to the storm's eye with Tulin? Or is the whole structure of the journey different? Is everything more puzzle based and less combat based? The temples are less swarmed with monsters but everyone's brains hurt? Shes really smart, so what would she make with the Zonai devices?

And if Link put himself in some kind of stasis again, how does she find him? How does she learn about what happened in the past? Does she look up in the sky and see a new dragon, wondering how she's never seen it before, or is she not pure of heart enough to see the dragons in the first place? Is she able to find Link? Is he hidden under the ground of the Deku tree, using its sacred power to fuel the sword for tens of thousands of years? Is he sleeping inside the trunk? Is Zelda given any hints as to where Link could be, or does she have to search for him completely blind, because this wasnt supposed to happen in the first place? She was supposed to go back, and he was meant to find her, so with the rules swapped, she has no compass to follow. How is Zelda getting through all this? How is Link making it back home? Does Zelda cry because of the pressure she has to endure, once again being the only hope for Hyrule? Does Link cry, because he knows that if he's not there, then Zelda has to fill his shoes? Do they both keep going, because crying doesn't solve problems and what matters most, next to defeating the Demon King, is finding each other again?

I can picture past heroes, mostly Twilight, discovering Wild in his stasis, holding the half healed master sword and missing an arm, and thinking to himself, "what on earth happened to reduce the blade and the hero to this state?" Wanting to help but not knowing how, and inevitably leaving without doing anything. Just as another hero could have seen the Light Dragon protecting another master sword, but doing nothing, because it's not a story they can interfere in

I can't stop thinking about it

roleswap

[jkesmth]

Heat of a Star

Heat of a Star A work of fiction. Don't read any further, if you value your sanity or fear the Lovecraftian. There is a non-zero chance this text could eat your brain. What follows is an account of alien first contact as recalled, from the perspective of a participant in an experiment. To begin with there was a questionnaire: Take this personality test - can you sing and dance? One day I met a man, who worshiped a god from a foreign land. Hey dude, what's that, those pictographs from a photograph? You don't understand, these are sacred texts. I'm an atheist, god is a myth. I pray to luck. Life is determined, by random chance. We're only here by circumstance. No spooky movement from a distance. That's cringe, I pray to an idol, you're nothing. Dog drool. Ok then, bet - I'll fuck your wife. I'll be your god then, how's that? Whipped yet? You'll be a - You two should chess-box. Who are you? (I'm the one who beat you.) Round 2: Let's fight! Solve my riddle: What do poor have, rich want, and is greater than god? Nothing, it's easy. Down to my last puzzle. Next we'll play a game of Skate, whatever I do, you have to do too. He could play and sing "Stairway", "Enter Sandman", and "Master of Puppets" just as well. So for my last spell - "Lord of the Dance" on a tin-whistle. As he received his last letter I knew I was destined for hell. Chess-boxing isn't for those who wouldn't put their minds at stake. I was a fool - though the first fight I'd win, I still had to play the reigning champion. When I heard the name - was certain second place prize, would be half my brain. Act 2: Enter: King. Oh fuck, I'm gonna die! G-men and president at his side. Do you believe in god? His first puzzle. No I don't. But what of Artificial, Super, Intelligence? Like Terminator, or Ciri? Hold on, I will define the term: The Basilisk, machine at the end of time, made of one's and zero's. Defeats every hero, in other words - better-than-human, with the ability to torture you - until oblivion, unless you make it, even the choice to abstain comes with risk, eternal pain if you miss, and if you don't hurry, the computer may take it personally. Answer carefully. I said: Imagine, there's a ladder, humanity climbs. Rung by rung, our destiny - the stars, by our own two hands. No need for an elevator we'll get there, to build the beast is to invent our end, it is dangerous - and might take us places we won't expect, do you think - before stepping on an ant? To fight it is to earn universal respect, to lose our purpose, would be the same as death. I wouldn't build it, on us I'd bet. Then he asked me, would you end my life then, by your own two hands? Are you artificial, or are you man? How would you know? This synth is all, that is left of my voice. Time for you to make a choice. In the other room is a computer - which I claim contains super-intelligence stored on hard-drive, if turned on, would tell the truth. Would you stand by those words and erase the program? I'd smash it. I swear that's what I'd do. Then in my hand they placed an icepick, and through the door, walked in a girl - wearing nothing, but silk and pearls.

[unhealthyfanobsession]

I teased this in a previous post and people asked me to expand so...here’s my controversial take that Rhysand and Nesta are actually parallel characters in many ways and that they both hate each other so much because they ultimately hate themselves.

Alright ladies and gentleman, anti’s and stans, buckle your fucking seatbelts or hope off the roller coaster here because I’m about to learn you a thing or two about the most divisive characters in the ACOTAR world. 

Starting out very broadly- both characters are introduced as sort of confusing villains (Rhys is “evil” but he’s also helping Feyre. Nesta is an “awful sister”, but she also is protective of Elain and tells Feyre essentially to go and be happy), both have faced significant trauma and grapple with self-loathing and feelings of not being good enough, and both ultimately find redemption and healing with their mates who love them. They also both currently exist in a strange parallel coming out of ACOSF where Rhys is supposedly “chosen by the Cauldron” and Nesta is “blessed by the Mother”- the two sacred entities of Prythian.

Intrigued? More specifics and text analysis under the cut

Mommy (and Daddy) Issues:

Both characters were basically raised by their mother’s alone and then lost them at a young age and that had a deep impact on them. Rhysand had a far more positive experience of being raised by his mother HOWEVER I would argue that it was still “grooming” of a type since she took him away to train in Illyria specifically so that he wouldn’t be influenced by his father.

Rhys’ mother did this out of love and Nesta’s mother groomed her out of a social climbing agenda, but it had the same effect- they both lost the parent who was their primary caregiver at a young age and they were both not close with their father’s because of their mother’s actions  (again this was a good thing for Rhys, not as much for Nesta).

Parents Death: Rhys and Nesta both blame themselves for one of their parent’s death and are deeply affected by feeling like they failed someone important to them.

Rhys thinks that he is responsible for his mother and sister’s death because he gave Tamlin info

Rhys even says after this “It should have been me.”

Nesta feels that she was unable to save her father and she hates herself for it.

Rocky sibling relationship and Separation:

Rhysand and Cassian are obviously a lot further along in their sibling journey, but it’s stated that he and Cassian HATED each other and fought constantly essentially until Azriel arrived and then they decided to be “allies”.

Nesta and Feyre are also at each others throats but seem to put their differences aside in order to not upset Elain. (Even when Feyre first goes back to the human lands Nesta says NOPE NO FAE! But as soon as Elain asks her to do as Feyre says she agrees) and then Nesta states in ACOSF that she and Feyre were brought together by Elain to be allies in the war.

Rhysand and Cassian obviously grew into true brothers despite their adversarial, insulting, bitter beginning... and Nesta and Feyre after ACOSF have done the same. Obviously there’s still a lot of work to be done in that relationship, but the parallel stands (and is just strengthened by the fact that in both cases it’s the character with more power in the relationship- Nesta for being the oldest and Rhys for being the one whose family took Cassian in is then mated to the opposite sibling!)

Both have a parent who essentially separated them from their ‘siblings’ for their own benefit. Nesta’s mom isolated her as a child so that she could groom her and tell her how to maneuver her sisters when the time was right while Rhys’ father- afraid of his, Cassian, and Azriel’s combined power- separated them for 7 years through the first war to ensure they wouldn’t ally against him. Nesta was also separated from Feyre by Tamlin and tried to go to the wall to get her back but couldn’t get through- which is very reminiscent to me of the scene at the beginning of ACOWAR from the first war where Rhys is searching desperately but without hope for Cassian.

Shared Trauma and Learning to be “Evil” to protect their family:

both characters are sexual assault survivors who spend a chunk of their book (I’m counting ACOMAF as essentially Rhys’ book since that’s when we learn more about him as a character) grappling with that, coming to terms with it, and moving forward with a general attitude of “Never Again.” I would also argue that even their abusers are parallels as Rhysand was only ‘with’ Amarantha because he was trying to protect his family and Nesta was only ‘with’ Tomas because she thought his family might be able to take in and feed Elain (she says in ACOSF that she would give him whatever he wanted- her body meant nothing to her and Elain meant everything, which is essentially Rhys’ UTM mindset). In addition, both characters are able to escape their abusers out of love for Feyre. Rhys does so when Amarantha is about to kill Feyre, and Nesta does so because she realizes that Tomas would never go to the wall with her to save Feyre.

 Beyond this, both characters express that it is the lack of control over their own lives that truly haunts them. Rhys when he felt like he had no choice but to be Amarantha’s puppet and Nesta with a lot of her life, but especially when she is forced into the cauldron. Both of these are things that make them feel like failures for not protecting others. Rhys is haunted that he couldn’t protect Feyre under the mountain and Nesta is haunted that she couldn’t protect Elain from the cauldron.

This leads both characters to have a terrifying power-surge nightmare brought on by their trauma (Rhys from Amarantha; Nesta from the Cauldron) that terrifies those around them and can only be stopped by their mate.

In addition to this, they both have a “persona” that they put on and sometimes feel like they can’t shake off, a face that they made to protect themselves and their family. Rhys with his “Court of Nightmares” persona that he uses UTM, in the Hewn City, and with the other High Lords until the war. Part of his growth is letting people see beyond that ‘most powerful high lord of darkness’ mask.

For Nesta this is expressed by her “wolves” that she uses to put up a wall between her and the people who mocked her and her family, and especially Elain. And her learning to open up with Cassian and her found family was really important for her growth

HOWEVER, they both also keep that persona. Rhys has his mask polished for when anyone might threaten the people he loves and so does Nesta. Neither of them truly gave up that side of themselves, the darkness, they simply learned to stop it from consuming them. 

They also both LIKE doing this to their enemies. Rhys likes to toy with his enemies and torture those who would harm his family or betray him and so does Nesta- she revels in cutting down anyone who insults Elain and says in ACOSF that she’s felt the urge to do the same for Cassian. They both wield words like weapons and use their intelligence to ensure they are always one quip ahead of their enemies. Something that both Feyre and Cassian admire in their mates and try to emulate to a degree.

(Bonus points for the fact that in both cases their families did not ASK to be protected/sacrificed for.)

Found family and sacrifice:

Rhys calls Cassian and Azriel his “brothers” after becoming close while training and they conquer the blood rite together. Nesta calls Emerie and Gwyn her “sisters” after becoming close while training and they conquer the blood rite together. Rhys sacrifices himself to Amarantha in order to protect Cassian and Azriel (and Velaris). Nesta sacrifices herself to hold the path of Enalius to protect Emerie and Gwyn. There’s also a line in ACOMAF and a parallel line in ACOSF essentially about Nesta being willing to do anything- including “whore” herself- to protect Elain, and in order to protect his brother’s that’s exactly what Rhys did- “whore” himself to Amarantha.

Both are ‘saved by’ and feel not good enough for their mate:

I hesitate to use the word “saved by” because ultimately both characters have more agency than that, HOWEVER, both characters rely on their mate to a degree to pull them out of a very dark time and place. Feyre helps Rhys remember who he is and forgive himself for under the mountain and he even specifically calls her his “salvation.”

I don’t think I need to even say the Nesta part here, all of ACOSF is essentially Cassian helping Nesta climb out of a dark period so that they can heal together.

(Both also start connecting with their mates on a “just sex” situation.)

Both characters think that because of the things they’ve done and the darkness inside of them that they don’t deserve the people they have been mated to.

Obviously there are many differences, but the characters are similar in a lot of ways and what I think this really highlights is just how true that line is in ACOSF about Nesta being a wolf that was never allowed to learn how to be a wolf. Meanwhile Rhys is 500 years older and has always had power and agency of some kind even at his lowest point. Nesta didn’t have that power and wasn’t allowed to really unleash herself so she armed herself with a steel exterior to make up for that lack of power and control. Which is very similar to what Rhysand did when he felt he didn’t have power under the mountain- put on a cold face, not let anyone in, and act cruel in order to get through it.

Overall it’s an interesting character study because in a lot of ways these are very similar characters, but there is such a MASSIVE divide among the fandom of liking and hating one or both of them. Ultimately, I do think that a lot of the hate Nesta gets is because she’s a woman and female characters simply aren’t allowed to have the same flaws as male ones- which is kind of Nesta’s whole life story. BUT I think that Rhysand actually gets unintentionally screwed over by the narrative in one big way. Becuase my final paralell is that I think a lot of people came around on Nesta when they saw in her perspective that she knows she has problems and how much she was struggling… and I also think that Rhysand is so hated by those who dislike him because of Feyre’s ‘he can do no wrong’ perspective. I think if we saw more of Rhysand internally struggling and knowing that he made the wrong call sometimes and second guessing himself he’d be a lot more likeable character. We know he’s capable of this because when Cassian calls him out on the training roof for always thinking the worst of Nesta he just says “you’re right. I’m sorry” and he even *kinda* admits some wrong when he’s so shocked by how deep Nesta’s trauma is. Feyre and the rest of the IC constantly exalting Rhys as perfect when he so clearly isn’t and in fact has a lot of the same “flaws” as Nesta is probably the most frustrating thing about the character, which ultimately I think is kind of unfair because we know from his few perspectives that he doesn’t see himself that way.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

Bundy

Cult girl gets some unbelievable news.

Trigger warnings: death, emotional manipulation, discussion of cult leaders Koresh, Jones as well as Ted Bundy

"Who the fuck are you, and what the shit are you doing with my dead cousin's phone?" You said, the slam of the car door audible from the speaker.

"Cheerio to you too, [F/N]." Anna answered.

You brought the phone to your chest to muffle the speaker and heaved a sigh.

"It's fucking Anna." You told Hannibal as he climbed into the car.

He buckled his seatbelt. "Put it on speaker."

You pressed the speaker button. "Froot Loops. Why do you have Theresa's phone?"

"Don't you remember?" She asked. "I took it when she died. Hers had a much better camera than my old one. I thought I told you to update that in your contacts?"

"Oh yeah, I do remember that." You nodded. "The body wasn't even cold and you'd already gotten to grave-robbing."

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about." Anna snapped. "Show a little respect."

You rolled your eyes so far back into your skull you could practically see your brain cells dying. "Why are you calling, Anna? I'm fairly fucking certain I told both you and grandma to never speak to me again."

"Well, grandma won't be doing much speaking anymore." Anna snapped. "Because she's dead."

You sighed. It wasn’t the first time you heard those words, and it was never true. Faking her death was the hammer in her gaslighter toolkit. Meaning that the desired outcome could be produced just as effectively using a combination of other tools, but none were as efficient as a good old-fashioned bashing. The first time, you went through the whole five stages in ten minutes to really sell that you felt something other than relief at her passing. This time, you didn’t have the energy. 

“Did somebody finally strangle her to death?” You asked. “Shame, I would have liked to do it myself.” 

“Are you so completely void of human emotion that you can’t even pretend to be sad?” Anna shouted. 

“No, because I think this is another one of her manipulations.” You explained. “She probably roped you in thinking I’d believe it if it came out of your mouth. But the joke’s on her, because you’ve been her puppet since preschool.”

“You really are something else, [F/N].” Her voice wobbled, as if on the verge of tears. “The woman who raised us had a stroke and died. That’s not a manipulation, it’s the truth!” 

You began to consider the possibility that Anna wasn’t lying. Your voice took on a more solemn tone as you resigned to give her the benefit of the doubt. "A stroke, huh?"

"She died in the hospital." She said, softly.

There was real emotion in her voice. You thought back to that high school production of Legally Blonde, which proved that she was not skilled enough at acting to fake it.

You sighed. The crushing realization that you may very well have been the jerk in this conversation hit you. "So, what now?"

"I know better than to ask you to help out with the funeral." She said. "You didn't come to Theresa's, after all."

The reason you gave for not going to Theresa's funeral was schoolwork. It was a flimsy excuse, but hid your real reasons well enough. Those were much touchier. You couldn't bear the thought of listening to people lie and embellish stories of your cousin's positive influences on people's lives. But you also couldn't bear the fact that at least some of it wouldn't be lies.

You were the one that killed her. Your fiancé chopped up her body and served it to your friends for dinner. Theresa was a sociopath, a narcissist, and plenty other highlights in the DSM-5, but the pain she left after her death was real. It was the most real thing about her. You weren't desensitized enough to face that.

"Good call." You answered, flatly.

"Liam and I will be flying out tomorrow night." She said. "I know I'm in no position to be asking for favors, but if you could come pick us up from the airport-"

"Sure." You answered with a nod. You didn't know what exactly you were agreeing to as you did. Anna's words were just dissipating into the air, hardly reaching your ears.

"Thanks." She said, as emotionlessly as you. That was perhaps the most mutual understanding you'd ever achieved with Anna. And it only lasted a couple of seconds.

That was about as natural a conclusion to the conversation as you could have hoped for, so you hung up.

Hannibal pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. "What are you thinking, love?"

You leaned your head against the window and looked up at the few visible stars. "I've spent so many years wishing her dead and now that it's finally happening, I don't know what to feel."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, knowing exactly how to keep you grounded when your mind started to wander off. You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. He kissed you on the head.

"I thought her dying meant I never had to think about her again." You shrugged. "But now I'm thinking about her and hating every minute of it. And that probably means I loved her. Which is terrifying to think about."

"You think about Jim Jones and David Koresh quite a bit, don't you?" Hannibal asked, squeezing you tight. "Do you love them?"

You shook your head. "That's different. That's academic curiosity."

"But why do we remember them?" Hannibal posited, stroking your arm. "Is it reverence?"

"It's to learn." You answered. "To make sure history doesn't repeat itself."

"Death isn't a sacred thing, my love." He whispered. "Don't feel bad for remembering her as cruel. That's what she was. Don't let anyone forget it."

You chuckled. "Did you know that when Ted Bundy died, a bunch of people near the prison shut their breakers off so the electrocution would be more painful?"

"Interesting." He said, referring less to the fact itself and more to the reason why it came to mind when it did.

"That is to say, I don't actually feel bad that she's dead." You clarified. "I feel bad because I know I should and I don't."

Hannibal pulled you into his arms and placed a kiss on your forehead. "I thought after four blissful years together, you would know you don't have to pretend around me."

You lowered your head. "I guess I'm just scared that if I take off my person suit around you, I'll never be able to put it back on."

"You never need to worry about that, my love." He assured you. “I know it’s scary, but all it takes is a little practice.” 

“In that case,” You felt a smile creeping onto your face, so you let it. “I think we should celebrate.” 

"Well that can be arranged." Hannibal rolled your hair. "With a bottle of Cava in my office."

You felt a laugh coming on, but it just came out as an ugly wheeze. "That is so unethical. I would love to."

"No," He corrected, opening the driver's side door. "It would be unethical to empty a bottle of wine down that pretty throat of yours without a little food."

"It's the middle of the night, Hanni." You objected, though the rumbling of your stomach told a different story. You slammed the car door shut.

Hannibal smiled to himself, disregarding your protests entirely. "Foie gras au torchon, with a bit of brioche, perhaps?"

"Well that sounds like a proper celebration." You grinned, tightening your grip on your clutch excitedly. “Do you mind if I get cleaned up?” 

“Of course not, love, take your time.” Hannibal said, releasing you from his embrace. 

You headed towards the house, a little extra spring in your step. 

“Oh, [F/N]?” He called out after you. 

You looked over your shoulder. “Yeah?” 

“That thing you said about Ted Bundy.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry to tell you, but that’s a myth.” 

You frowned, feeling kind of stupid. “Shit. I really wanted it to be true.” 

Hannibal smiled, reassuringly. “But hundreds of people still celebrated his death.” 

[xbunnybunz]

Stride of Luck (7/?) [Dave Strider X Reader X Bro Strider]

Summary:

You find an unconscious Dave Strider in a desolate street and allow him to crash at your place, only to find out that he's come all the way from Texas to find his bro, Dirk Strider.

What seems like an easy task soon evolves into something much more complicated when you finally locate Dirk, and realize three things. One, Dave is hot as fuck. Two, Dirk is also hot as fuck. Three, they have the same taste in girls.

“i warned you about the striders, bro. i told you dog!”

Genre: Romance, Humor, Angst, Slow Burn

Author's Note: moving some stuff over from AO3 to here so my readers feel more comfy interacting with me directly <3

When you get back to your apartment, you kick open the door action-movie style and flop onto the couch face down, not really caring that Dave scrambles off it like a disgruntled cat to accommodate your faceplanting.

“Woah. Who hit you with a truck?”

You grunt and drop the grocery bags on the floor, bringing your hands up to cover your face.

“Shit. Do I look like I got hit by a truck?”

“Um. No?”

The way Dave says that sounds like he’s trying really hard to hold back the truth, but you appreciate his shitty attempt to make you feel better anyways.

“You kind of always look like this.”

…Appreciated it while it lasted.

“Your apple juice.” You speak into the cushions and point at the bags without raising your head. “And your cursed puppet Applejacks.”

“Dope.”

You hear Dave pawing through the goods beside you, seeking out his sacred fruity beverage and “healthy” sugary midnight snack. You allow your mind to wander back to the memory of a tall and rippling Dirk and sigh.

Why’d you always have to act like such a buffoon whenever you found anyone attractive? It seemed like all you were good at doing was making yourself the butt of jokes. But…

You felt your face tickle with warmth recalling his hearty laughter, replaying itself like a song stuck inside your head.

You supposed a little bit of a scatterbrain was a good thing, sometimes. It helped you get into good graces with Dirk, hadn’t it? He had even told you to come see him at work, that had to count for something. You were basically engaged now, with three children and a mediocre house you’d never be able to repay the mortgage on until you were wrinkly and sixty!

Fuck. Wasn’t this supposed to be a fantasy thought? How did debt sneak into here?

You take another deep inhale to steady your increasingly pounding mind, trying to banish the thoughts of living in a cardboard box under a bridge and return to hot-man wonderland.

Unfortunately, your deep breath was a little too deep, and you realize the couch kind of smells like ass, which makes sense, because that’s literally all it ever got until an idiot decided to faceplant into it.

“Ugh, gross.”

You turn your head and eyeball Dave, who was currently analyzing the back of the cereal box with a strange amount of concentration.

“Oh shit. I didn’t realize you cared about the nutritional facts so much. I’ll get you something healthier next time.”

Dave jerks his head up, his train of thought broken.

“Huh? Nutritional facts?” He shakes the cereal box once, then twice. “Nah. I don’t care about that crap. I was just trying to find out how to get Cinna-Mon to the caramel coaster without falling into Applejack’s sweetness-snare.”

He turns the box to you and points to what you assume is the “sweetness-snare,” given it was labelled “SWEETNESS SNARE” with thirty-point comic sans font for blind nine-year olds.

“See? This puzzle is inherently flawed due to the way these paths are constructed. There’s no way any kid can solve this and enter for the Grand Prize Sweetstakes. Not cool Kellogg’s, not cool.”

Um.

You try your best to not let the “what the fuck dude?” seep out onto your facial features, but your mouth speaks faster than your blessed little heart.

“What the fuck, dude?”

You tried. Kind of.

Thankfully Dave seems unfazed, and you assume it’s because he’s completely used to your reactions to his strange comments, given he makes at least two bizarre remarks an hour.

“Yeah man. Total douchebag move by big cooperate men.”

He shakes his head in disapproval, and you realize he hadn’t understood the “what the fuck” was directed at him. You don’t really feel like correcting him, so you change the topic.

“What about the applejuice? Did big cooperate men ruin that, too?”

Dave picks up the jug and inspects it in a way that makes you wonder if big cooperate men really did ruin apple juice as well, but the way his lips pull up at the corners reassure you that your apple juice is safe from the clutches of seedy business practices, for now.

“Not at all. This is actually my favorite brand. Thanks, (y/n).”

You take note of the way he isn’t smirking like usual, and drink in how dimples form whenever he gives a heartfelt thank you. You try to burn it into your memory, but like all the other times the smile fades back into a smirk too quickly.

“Yeah, no problem.”

You ignore the twisting feeling in your stomach.

“So what else did’ya get today? You were out for a while.”

Your cheeks redden upon remembering why exactly you had taken so long and you chew on your bottom lip, not really wanting to tell Dave how you had brought the whole circus with you to the supermarket and made a spectacle of yourself.

…But then again, it’d be nice to talk to someone about how weird you got around attractive dudes. What better option than an attractive dude, himself? You’d avoid telling him that last bit, of course.

“There was… This guy.”

You rolled over and stared at the ceiling, feeling a bit squeamish facing Dave while recalling the incident. Then out of nowhere, you hear him give a shrill giggle.

“Oh. My. Gosh.” He claps his hands together and then covers his mouth, his voice taking a higher tone. “Oh my gosh, was he like, so totally hot?”

You drag your hands over your face and moan, kicking at the air.

“Holy fuck. Dave. You scared the shit out of me. Stop, you seriously sound like drunk Shawna.”

You flop back down, defeated and flustered. You swore to god this kid had a screw loose somewhere in that pretty head of his.

Dave quirked an eyebrow at your words, drawing up a knee and resting his chin on it, your sour mood putting a dampen on his perfect impression of thirsty fangirls. You can only see him out of your periphery, but the way his head is cocked still makes you swallow roughly.

Fuck. You thought you were over this.

“Okay, like you were saying?”

You sigh, folding your hands over your stomach and trying to gather your thoughts.

“I don’t really know what exactly about it is bothering me. I guess it’s that… You know…” You shrug, but it’s barely a shrug because the couch absorbs all your movement.

Dave waits for you to continue, but when you don’t he scooches closer to you. Just a bit.

“Yeeees?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes you guys are just…” You say, thinking back to the morning. How you stuttered over your words, tripped over your own two feet, right into Dirk’s strong, firm arms. His hair, his smirk, his shades.

“… So hot.”

Fuck.

You clamp your mouth shut the moment the words leave your lips, winded by your own complete idiocy, and pray to whatever god is up there that Dave missed what you said.

You dare a glance over at him and your hopes are dashed to high hell when you see that signature shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

“Oh?”

Just one word, and you knew exactly what he meant by it. A blush rages across your face, touching the tips of your ears and dusting your neck.

“Goddammit Dave! Not you!” You hesitate a bit as your mind revvs to life, then forces you to backtrack. “Well, I mean, yes, you. But—”

Dave gives you a bit of a look through the shades. What look, you weren’t sure, but damn it all if it wasn’t embarrassing.

“That’s not what I was trying to say! Shit, this is exactly what I mean.” You squeeze your eyes shut, forcing both Dirk and Dave out of your vision and mind, and exhale, defeated.

Suddenly, there’s a touch at your shoulder. Warm, reassuring. You open your eyes and refocus. It’s Dave, he’s next to you now. He still looks amused, but the sharp edges of his facial features are softer now, more patient.

“Hey,” He says. “I’m listening.”

You let yourself relax with his words, easing up on your mind. It was just Dave. Smug, smart, sexy Dave. Weird, lost, homeless Dave.

“I just feel so out of it sometimes.” You start, sitting up and crossing your legs. “I just get so nervous around people, I can’t act like myself. All I can do is think of what I want to do, what I want to say. Then I actually try to do it and just end up looking like a huge loser.”

You rub at your forearms, suddenly feeling a lot more self-conscious.

“It’s awkward, and uncomfortable. I’m awkward and uncomfortable. I honestly don’t even know how anyone’s even dealt with me until now. Maybe that’s why I’m here, living alone.”

Dave’s brows are pulled downwards but he says nothing.

“And today I met this guy at the supermarket. He knew what to say, too. He knew what to do, he was one step ahead of me and that made my fumbling weirdness even harder to hide. Guess I’m just one big lame-O.”

You put your fingers in the shape of an “o” up to your forehead with a halfhearted grin, but it promptly slips off when you see Dave’s slightly downturned lips. Your tense shoulders drop and you bury yourself in the couch, gaze cast out the window.

The crows are making their daily rounds outside the apartment and a few have stopped, as if eavesdropping on the drama.

“You’re not lame.” Dave says, then hesitates.

You glance at him, lips making this stupid pout that you know makes you look like a pufferfish because you’ve practiced it in the mirror as a joke, and now you can’t stop.

“I mean, shit. You want me to be honest? You totally are.” He shakes his head, his hair catching in the light passing through the window. “But so is everyone. We just show it in different ways. Egbert back at home used to ramble on and on about his personal vendetta against Betty Crocker, and Bro just mass produced ass-muppets whenever he was feeling off. All I did was hole myself in my room and draw on mspaint with a 2005 acer computer mouse.”

He seemed almost reminiscent while speaking, and it reminded you again that he had left things behind to come here, and would one day return to them.

“Sappy shit isn’t my strong suit, (y/n). But even an emotionally stunted dork like me knows that ‘lame shit’ becomes ‘dope as hell’ shit when you’re with the right people. Your friends love you, don’t they?”

He looks to you expectantly and you shy away from the question. Shawna and Tracy, whom you’ve been friends with through thick and thin? You recall the scene of them leaving the club together, leaving your apartment together, and something in you grows colder.

“Yeah.” You say before you can hesitate more, “They do.”

Dave stares at you and it’s as if he’s trying to burn a hole into your face. He stares and stares until you wonder if he, for once, doesn’t know what to say.

“Yeah.” He says, after an eternity of silence. “I know Bro does, too.”

The way he says that sticks a lump in your throat, and only now do you notice the phone he had clenched in his hand since you’ve come home.

“You’re not alone. You’ve got your friends.” He says again, now more adamantly. You watch as he brings his hand up and points at his chest. “And you’ve got me. And as a resident ‘hot guy’ and a Strider, I say you’re dope as fuck.”

The moment holds for a few seconds as you scrounge your mind for appropriate responses. You want to  punch him for being so smug, want to hug him, want to make fun of him for being so damn cheesy. Even though you know part of your worries stem from something only you can settle, it feels like some of the weight has been lifted from your chest, and you can finally breathe again.

“Thank you Dave.” You say, a soft smile playing at your mouth. “And you’ve got me, too.”

Dave grins and winks at you, only noticeable from the slight pull of his cheek. “Already knew it, babe.”

Without another word, he gathers the fruits of your grocery venture and wanders into the kitchen. The crows by the window caw loudly and take off now that the show’s over. The flapping of their wings catches in the setting sun and throws shadows across your floor and table, drawing your eye to Dave’s phone, left on the table. You almost miss how he’s left it open on messages, almost miss one of his many outgoing, unrecieved texts.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timeausTestified [TT] at 5:31PM--

TG: miss u, bro. come home soon.

[kitsu-katsu]

Hello there, I've come to rant about c!Dream because a friend of mine is worried for him being mistreated and I feel like if I said any of this in twitter I'd get some people agreeing, but also I'd get jumped by some "apologists".

C!Dream is such a bastard and I have no empathy for him.

He sees the world as a chess board, all other people being his chess pieces that he can move around as he pleases. He's a puppet master, a manipulator through and through.

And I can't fathom being like "Oww, but look at how he called out for Sam when Quackity took out the axe, poor green baby". Yeah, getting a bit panicked is something I'd expect from anyone who's getting confronted with the prospect of having their faces rearranged, but did you guys forget that he already had Tommy in the same exact situation, only MUCH WORSE. Tommy was completely powerless when calling for Sam in there, calling for Phil too, he was locked up with his abuser and had been for a week, Dream had already worn him down until he was helpless, doubting himself constantly and utterly traumatized in exile, and now all that came together as he was locked up with Dream in a tight space for days resulting in him getting beat to death.

Dream isn't even threatened by death (at least on Quackity's hands), because he knows the knowledge of that book gives him power over everyone else still, he can't be killed, not untill he gives that knowledge away.

And for me it gets worse when people start saying that Vilbur was just as bad as Dream. Fuck off with that nonsense. It's so utterly easy to make a case as to why Vilbur acted like he did, what led him to where he ended up and what fueled his bad choices. Dream? Dream wasn't overcome by an overwhelming paranoia and a sense of being utterly worthless in the eyes of the people close to him as soon as he lost power, Dream didn't see his own death as the only possible poetic escape from all his problems, Dream didn't question and condemn himself upon seeing himself as "the bad guy", "the dragon to be slain". Dream always had power, he was always tyrannical, he didn't want L'manburg to be a thing because his power and status quo was threatened, he then helped destroy it twice because again, that's give him more control over people, that'd put the citizens into the greater SMP lands as well as have a fear for him reinstated, and what better way to controll people like play things than by instilling absolute fear in them and showing no vulnerability? It's the reason Tubbo exiled Tommy, he knew they couldn't win against Dream and when Tommy tried to use perceived attachments of Dream against him, he saw that he has none (Come on, Dream was literally trying to collect ALL ATTACHMENTS of the server in his base, INCLUDING SKEPPY HIMSELF, MY GOD).

The only moments where Dream paints himself as vulnerable are in the prison cell, when he's with someone from whom he'll gain something from seeming vulnerable. Look like a kicked puppy in front of Bad to possibly have better accomodations once he becomes a guard. Look all sad and defiant with his no talking day in front of Sapnap saying it's because they took his clock (he burnt that clock all the time, if I was Sam I'd stop renewing it as well) to possibly get more empathy from an old friend he left behind, even if Sapnap didn't concede to him coming out ever and said that he himself would kill him if he did in the end. Look all powerless in front of Quackity because he came prepared to do what it takes to take that sacred knowledge he won't give to anyone.

TLDR: C!Dream is a good villain, he's a villain you can really just hate and who doesn't really have any sympathetic side because he has no attachments, no change to him, is truly only looking to further his own goal of using people as puppets when he pleases and have the server be his doll house, and doesn't even have any perspective like all others that could even tell us "well these moments led him to be like this". He's just a pure manipulative bastard all the way through.

[betafibiiiiiivviiixiiixxixxxiv]

RAIDEN SQ 2 SPOILERS

(take 2 bc i accidentally clicked out of the post maker without saving)

i accidentally started the quest when i went to get my daily comm rewards from the guild hahaha

ah, so the sacred sakura is under attack

why are there so many riftwolves i’m using tart as my main dps please

oooh ei!

the soldiers of old really admired the raiden shogun huh

wow we really had the chance to see the elusive lord commissioner and mhy really went “no” huh

i see so makoto’s aspect was also eternity, but it was more of the “change is the only constant” eternity than ei’s idea of eternity which is “nothing changes at all”

WHAT

MAKOTO WENT ALONE???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THAT CN VOICE ACTING

EI YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

SHE SOUNDED SO SAD

at least they were able to say goodbye to each other :’(

i wonder why makoto didn’t tell ei and went to khaenri’ah alone

maybe it was bc...celestia ordered her to...?

huh?

the sacred sakura just suddenly appeared?

makoto...

she truly loved inazuma...

i wonder how old the cleansing ritual is then

WOW

AFTER ALL THAT

“BY THE TIME I ARRIVED THE WORST OF THE FIGHTING WAS OVER”

“I WAS ONLY CONCERNED WITH MY SISTER’S DEATH AND INAZUMA’S PLIGHT”

WOW VERY CONVENIENT MHY

VERY CONVENIENT

GIVE US ANSWERSSSSSSSSSSSS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DID CELESTIA ORDER THE ARCHONS TO PUNISH/DESTROY KHAENRI’AH OR NAH

i feel like the whole of khaenri’ah may have been punished for the sins of a few people...

it does look like makoto went only after the calamity had begun

oh i thought my game was glitching for a bit but it was the raiden shogun puppet rebelling i’m pretty sure hahaha

that’s cool

those three soldierrrrrrrrrrrs

ueueueue

ei finally understands her people now and her sister’s ideals and wishes

oh no she can’t move

wait wait wait

i thought i would get a chance to change my team why are we going right in

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

please give me a chance to change my team

huh ei even gave herself a set of rules to follow and now the puppet is trying to stop her bc she’s straying from the rules

ahhh they’re gonna fight

honestly this was to be expected hahaha

the puppet has her own conciousness too, which was obvious

ah yes, the erosion talk again

oh ok we just fight her with ei

SHE REJENERATED HER HEALTH

oh i didn’t have to eat food

ei heals herself if she dies

ooooooh that little sakura effect when she heals herself is so pretty

the music is nice too

awww she’s putting her faith in humanity

and then she kicked us out LMAO

LOL PAIMON

LET’S BOTH RAM INTO IT VERY HARD HAHAHAHA

aww paimon is so sweet though

i think yae probably understands more than you paimon lol

yae does not sound surprised LMAO

LOL SHE CALLS PAIMON 小东西

she also honestly does not sound that concerned in cn

oh she’s ei’s familiar

oh now she sounds concerned

and we’re thrown in again

oh wait

fuck i should’ve taken out raiden shogun from my team

then i could use trial shogun and have another character on my team

oh

i didn’t need to change my team

i used my food on reflex again when i didn’t have to too ToT

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

the raiden shogun shall become ei’s shadow and be her assistant

lol “are you like this bc you haven’t reconciled yourself to your defeat”

ei why are you so savage

MAKOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

noooo you didn’t fail in your duties

oh wait

can we finally have answers now

hmmm

not sure if it was bc of archon duties or celestia’s orders or both

I’M CRYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

man that’s some convoluted time space shit right there

YA

THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO

I WAS THINKING ISTAROTH HELPED

LMAO IT LOOKS LIKE A FOX BC YAE WANTED IT TO LOOK LIKE A FOX HAHAHAHA

oh...it was a joke...

maaaaan yae miko’s outfit looks so pretty from behind

i wouldn’t mind running around as her

but ayatoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SHE LOOKS SO UNIMPRESSED

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa the sakoku decree will be abolished!!!!

insert that “this is growth” meme here

YAE MIKO IS A TSUN??????????????????????????

ok with the completion of sq 2, i’m actually a lot happier with sq 1 LMAO

sq 2 was definitely better than sq 1, but sq 1 did do it’s job in leading up to sq 2, though i think it could’ve been done better. i hope in sq 3 we see raiden trying to lead her country and acknowledging the issues that arose from the sakoku decree and the vision decree. maybe trying to fix relations between narukami and watatsumi too.

ahhhhhhhh i really liked this story quest!! we saw a lot of growth for ei and i’m very happy about that!

[spectraspecs-writes]

Leviathan - Chapter 106 (Rena)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 105. Chapter 107.

A/N - Since there's been some confusion about it in the past, thought I'd make it clear here. Carth's narration is in orange text, if the orange doesn't show up please let me know but with tumblr's new post editor it should work. Bastila's narration is pink - my original idea was yellow but not only would that be illegible it's not an option. Same deal, if it doesn't show up let me know. Plus, I don't know if anyone watches the videos when I add them to chapters, but this one, you gotta watch this one.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

When the elevator opens, I get… a horrible feeling. Like someone’s walking on my grave. And no one mourns me. Everything feels cold. Like that dream on Dantooine. I think Bastila shivers a bit but I don’t think Carth feels it. But how could I know, he’s blocked himself off from me. As we fight our way through to hangar control the feeling just gets worse and worse. Seeing the Hawk makes me feel a little better, but not for long.

I don’t want to be here. This is the only way to get to the hangar, but I don’t want to be here at all. I’m not ready. I don’t want to be here. I can’t calm down. It’s dark. And cold. I don’t want to be here.

The blast door opens. We didn’t move fast enough. It’s him. It’s Malak.

Carth starts to step forward with his blasters but I reach out my hand to stop him. My dream will not happen. I won’t let it. Malak laughs, and it sends a chill through me. And also a strong feeling of hatred. But it’s not a general hatred, like I would have if it was like “knowing the things you’ve done and what you stand for, I hate you.” This is a personal hatred. “I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila,” Malak says. His voice is channeled through an apparatus on his chin. He has no jaw. “I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now. Besides,” he says, looking at me, “I had to see for myself if it was true. Even now I can hardly believe my eyes… tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?”

I try not to be nervous, but I can’t help it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, “I’ve never met you, this isn’t a reunion.”

He laughs again. Over and over again. What in the goddamn hell is so funny? “What?” he laughs, “You mean you don't know? All this time, and you still haven't figured it out? I wonder how long you would have stayed blind to the truth? Surely some of what you once were must have surfaced by now.” “Once were”? I’m a scout, I’ve always been a scout. What the hell is going on? “Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn't keep your true identity buried forever, could it?”

… no. What? No. No that can’t be right. That’s not me. That can’t be me, I can’t be… Revan. No, I’m not. I wasn’t. That can’t be right. But it was my face! No. No that can’t be right. It’s not right. No. I look back at Carth. He can’t look at me. But this isn’t right! I’m not Revan! I can’t be. I remember being a scout!

Is that why all this felt so familiar? The Sith on the bridge - I knew them? Maybe? Is that why Jedi training went so fast? Muscle memory? I already learned how to use the Force and fight with a lightsaber. And why Master Zhar said I was a special case. Why the Star Map on Kashyyyk knew me. But…

… it isn’t right! No!

“You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan!” Malak says. Shut the hell up! “Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord - and know that I have taken your place!”

“No,” I say, “No, this isn’t right. Revan is dead.”

“You do not yet remember, Revan?” Stop calling me that! “The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; they wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers!”

No. No it’s not true. It can’t be true. No. No. “No. No, it’s not true.”

“You must have seen flashes of your old life in your dreams, Revan; memories bubbling up to the surface? Surely you must remember the battle in which you were captured?” On Taris… but she said it was just a dream. A memory. Her memory. My memory… “How you survived the final battle is a mystery to me,” Malak says, “Perhaps you should ask Bastila; after all, she was part of the Jedi strike team that captured you!”

Yes. She was. She was there. I look at her. I hate her. “Bastila?”

“It’s true,” she says. I hate her. “I was part of the team sent to capture Revan… to capture you.” I hate her! “When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead.” They should have left me. But if they left me, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know Carth, or Jolee, or Canderous, or Mission, or T3, or anybody. But is that worth leaving a mass murderer alive? Is the fact that I’ve lived a better life away from the Dark Side worth all the lives Revan took? Am I worth it? “Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind.”

No. No. “But I have memories. I don’t remember Revan, but I remember a whole life. Planets I explored, species I discovered, stories to tell. I’m a scout!”

“The Jedi Council didn't restore your wounded mind, Revan!” Malak says, “They merely programmed it with a new identity - one loyal to the Republic! They tried to make you their slave!”

So… Bastila… I thought she was my friend! Or at least someone I could count on, someone I could trust! “You’ve been lying to me this whole time!”

“I wanted to tell you but the Council forbid it!”

“So once again you put an idea before a person!” I shout at her. I can’t help it - I hate her! “How could you justify that? How could you? How in your twisted mind could an idea be more important than a living breathing person?”

“They were afraid you might return to the dark side if you discovered your real identity!” she says, “You could have hurt more living breathing people!”

“But now you know the truth, Revan!”

I turn to Malak, and scream at him, “Shut the FUCK up! I’m not talking to you!”

He laughs. What part of “shut the fuck up” did he not understand? “And there is the Revan I remember! No longer holding back your rage!”

“What part of ‘shut up’ did you not understand?” I say. Even without a jaw, I can see his smug grin, but he leans back and crosses his arms. I turn my attention back to Bastila. “Why didn’t you just let me die?”

“For the same reason you are always concerned for the lives of others,” Bastila says, “The Jedi hold all life sacred, even that of a Sith Lord. I could not just let you die. Not if it was possible to save you.”

Malak laughs again. “Hiding the truth behind noble words,” he says, “The Jedi needed the memories buried deep in your wounded mind, Revan; there was no other way to bring them out. They had to keep you alive!”

I’m not listening to him. “And the new identity - why?”

“We couldn’t simply restore your true identity…”

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

“Revan was too dangerous - we couldn’t.” Sounds like “wouldn’t” to me. “But locked inside your mind was information the Republic needed: the secrets of the Star Forge. The Council created an identity for you: a scout transferred under my command. Your subconscious memories were supposed to lead me to the Star Forge; there was no other way to get the information.”

“They made you their puppet, Revan,” Malak says, “and Bastila was the handler pulling your strings!”

“Why you? Why are you here? Why did they choose you? You were my friend - why would you do this to me?”

“I used my Force powers to keep you alive on that bridge - it created our bond,” she says. That goddamned bond! “I convinced the Council that I could use that bond to draw out your memories and lead us to the Star Forge.”

“Tell the truth, Bastila,” Malak says, “you wanted to taste the Dark Side for yourself! You knew the only way the Council would permit you to explore the Sith's power was through Revan's lost memories!”

“No!” she says, “I wanted to help you, Revan.”

I scoff. “But you wouldn't mind helping yourself along the way, I bet.” After all, she thought this was an audition for masterdom - she’s looked for power before.

“Revan, I thought this mission would redeem you; that it would atone for your past crimes. How else could you be saved?”

No. No. “You used me! You and the whole Council! I trusted you! And you used me and lied to me the whole time!”

“Rena, Malak nearly killed you, but the Jedi Council gave you another chance to live! They gave you a chance to redeem yourself by defeating the Sith!”

“A rash and futile hope,” Malak says, “The Dark Side is too strong, my power is too great! Even my old master is no longer a match for me!” He turns to me. What was before anxiety and fear is now firmly rage and anger. At Bastila, at the Council, at Malak, at me. “A small part of me has always regretted betraying you from afar,” Malak says, “I always knew there were some who would think I acted out of fear, that I did not want to face you. But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne; my triumph will be complete!” He reaches out a hand, and Bastila and Carth are both immobilized. “The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!”

I am. Absolutely. Done. Today has gone on long enough. I have had it. “You wanna know something?” I say, “This is, categorically, the worst day of my life.”

---

Damn it, Rena! If she hadn’t stopped me before, maybe I could have shot Malak and we wouldn’t be in this situation! And now she’s fighting Malak alone. She doesn’t stand a chance against him.

But why should I care? She’s a Sith Lord! She’s been a Sith Lord the whole time! Oh, she can claim she doesn’t remember all she wants, but how can I know she’s telling the truth? How can I trust her? She deserves everything she gets!

But… it’s Rena. My friend. I saved her life on Taris, she’s saved my life more than once, she’s always been there for me. She found Dustil. Turned him away from the Sith. I love her. She feels right. And I promised to protect her. And then…

No. I promised to protect Rena. This is Revan. Revan, who led us during the Mandalorian Wars, rallied Jedi to our side. Revan, who won the war for the Republic. Revan, who betrayed us all.

I can’t forgive Revan. But I can’t forgive Malak, either. Malak gave the order to attack Telos. And I- I don’t know if Revan had anything to do with it, but Malak definitely did. He deserves to die. And the war has been a lot worse since Revan was killed. Wiped. Whatever. And if that has anything to do with the two of them, Malak is clearly the worse of the two. He deserves to die. And I want to take revenge on Revan myself. For lying to me. For using me.

Was any of it real? Was she ever on the side of the Republic, the whole time? Did she even love me like she said? Or was it all a lie? Hell, for all I know, she wanted us to be here. Maybe she sent a transmission to Saul when I wasn’t looking. Maybe she really did join the Sith on Korriban.

But I saw into her head. That first night on Korriban, whatever she did, I saw into her head. It was strange, the whole experience, but it was like I saw her whole life. She told me - well, sort of told me - that she could never fall if I was there. That she wouldn’t. She couldn’t hurt me. She couldn’t do that to me. And that’s how she told me she loved me. I don’t think she meant to. It just sort of came out. And it showed me that I loved her. Something I didn’t want to think about, I guess. Especially not then - I was so focused on Dustil. And Morgana. She died five years ago and I was never able to get her off my mind. Before Rena. And when she showed me inside her head… it all made sense.

But what if all that was a lie? How can I believe anything she’s ever - Rena, look out! In a fraction of a second, she dodges Malak’s lightsaber. And I feel her in my head, like I did before - “Thanks, I got it.” It doesn’t feel like her, not like it felt before, on Korriban. On Korriban, it felt… I don’t know how to describe it. It was like… coming home after a long time. It was a warm full feeling. A good feeling. But this, now, feels completely different. She feels almost… cold. Dark. Rushed.

Maybe that’s just because she’s fighting, she’s focused. But I saw how she yelled at Bastila. And Malak. She’s not the same at all, is she? She’s not the same Rena. And she never will be again, will she? The woman I… the woman I thought I knew - she’s gone. It’s just Revan now.

---

This was not the way I hoped she would find out. I wanted her to find out in a safe place, surrounded by friends, no more battles to be fought. Perhaps after we’d found the last Star Map or before we went to the Star Forge. Of course I knew she would have to find out eventually. I knew that a fight with Malak was inevitable, and that he would reveal her true identity. I just did not want that to be the first time she heard it. I wanted her to hear it from me. I wanted to be able to answer all of her questions in a calm, safe environment, a place where she could express all of her feelings safely, and understand why the Council did this.

Being captured by the Leviathan was the last thing I expected. Everything was going relatively smoothly. I was concerned about Korriban, but Jolee told me she acted exemplary, a fine model of Jedi teachings. As much as usual, anyway. As I’ve told her before, her methods are unorthodox, and she has a tendency to act emotionally, but she is dedicated to the wellbeing of others. I’ve regularly seen her put the lives of others before her own, as have the others. I never knew Revan personally - when she and Malak left for the Mandalorian Wars, I sided with the Council - but from what I’ve gathered, “selfless” was not a word others would use to describe her. Revan and Rena have many things in common, but I don’t believe they are the same at heart. Rena certainly has her faults and her shortcomings as a Jedi, but I could never see her falling to the Dark Side.

I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t always so certain. Her feelings for Carth were concerning at first. As I said, I never knew Revan, but she had a reputation for hedonism, and Rena seemed quite the same at first. And not only that - her dueling on Taris concerned me, as well. She seemed very aggressive. But I came to learn I was mistaken in that assessment. She used dueling more to blow off steam than as an outlet for aggression.

Her identity was a mystery to me at first. I knew that the Council put her under my command, but beyond that they seem to have taken quite a few liberties in explaining her knowledge. She has a number of specifics when it comes to being a scout or ecology. And I don’t know where her crusade against Czerka came from. Perhaps these details came from Revan’s memory, and the Council just changed the explanation. Perhaps the identity was someone else, someone who died in the war, or someone from the archive memory. I had only met her briefly before the attack on the Endar Spire, and I doubt it was an encounter she’d remember. She was up late, fixing a droid. If I hadn’t known her voice I wouldn’t have recognized her. Most of what I knew about her came from a datapad, at first.

It took a long time before I stopped calling her Revan. I of course never said it out loud, but there were many times when I thought to myself, “Why is Revan doing that?” or “That is not something I expected from Revan,” or “Revan is getting on my nerves.” It wasn’t until Dantooine, during her month of retraining, that I began to think of her as Rena and not Revan. I never knew Revan, but Rena is my friend. And I don’t have many of those. It’s a complicated friendship, certainly, and we have our fair share of disagreements. But part of friendship is how you deal with those disagreements.

Although, I wonder if that friendship is over now. Not because of how her true identity was revealed, although that certainly doesn’t help. I know she disagrees with me, but the Jedi are more than simply an idea. The Jedi are the only thing holding the Dark Side at bay. Without the Jedi, the galaxy would descend into darkness, beyond hope, possible beyond salvation. Certainly that is more important than any individual. If saving Revan will defeat Malak, I have no regrets. If Carth suffering Admiral Karath’s torture would have aided the Republic, then I would consider that an acceptable loss. I wouldn't enjoy it, of course, but if it was necessary I would find a way to live with the consequences. And I gather Revan would have felt the same. But Rena doesn’t. Perhaps they are more dissimilar than I thought.

Rena reaches out to kick Malak, but before she makes contact, Malak whisks her into a Force whirlwind and runs. A coward, as he has always been.

---

Asshole! I could see it in his eyes, I was making progress, I was making a dent, and he runs!

I could just let him go. This is not going to be the last time we meet. It can’t be. The Star Forge is still out there. And Malak would like nothing more than to get rid of me now. I’m a problem, and the only way to stop me from being a problem is to kill me. I have no intention of dying today, if only because I need to give the Jedi Council hell. I don’t want to think about that now, though, if I think about that now I’m going to have a fucking panic attack. So that’s that. I’m going to wait for Carth and Bastila to unfreeze, and then we get to the Hawk and go. Easy.

But it could never be that simple, could it? Malak would not leave any avenue for me to just go. And even if he did, that wouldn’t be the end of the fight. Maybe there’s a tracker on the Hawk. Maybe he’ll follow us to Manaan. I have no idea how this will end, but it won’t end well.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t know what this feeling is in the pit of my stomach, but I hate it. Oh. Wait. That’s what it is. Nope, I don’t want to think about that now. I need a hug. But Carth is still frozen, assuming he could even trust me again. Nope, not thinking about that. I touch Carth’s hand, at least, looking for a little comfort. And he lets me read him. He hates it. God, that’s a horrible feeling. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on the Sith Lord.

I think I saw Malak go through the door in front of me, rather than left or right. But it’s locked. Why? Why is he making this difficult? Let’s try finding another way into that corridor. Door on the right. There’s another door on my left that should lead to where Malak is, but it’s locked, too. Jesus, dude, really? Okay, keep moving forward. Another door. Left turn. One more door that should lead to Malak, but it is also locked. Why, dude? Why? All this effort to prove you’re not a coward, but you’re acting pretty cowardly. I keep moving forward to the next door. Through that and after another turn there’s one more door that should lead to Malak. If this one is locked, too, I swear to fucking God…

It opens. There he is. Bastard.

---

I can feel Malak’s stasis hold slowly wearing off. It starts small at first. I can move my foot, just a little. Then it fades even more, and I can curl my fingers. Then it fades completely, and I can let my muscles relax for a moment. But only a brief moment. Rena is still fighting Malak. I can sense it. But his is not the only anger I feel. Carth is clearly not having the best day, to put it mildly. And as much as he’s trying to focus solely on Malak and getting to the Ebon Hawk, his thoughts are obviously clouded by Rena. Anger at her, and me, at the Jedi Council, but also confusion. And mistrust. Perhaps even some depression. Clearly there is sadness there. But how deep it goes is unclear.

“Damn it, Rena!” he swears at her, “She’s going to get herself killed, fighting Malak alone.”

“You still care about her, then,” I say. I did not expect his feelings for her to go away so quickly, but I did expect them to be mixed.

“Care, hell, I don’t think we’ll be able to find the last Star Map without her,” he says. No, that’s not quite right. But no matter. We have more important things to worry about. “I saw her go right, but the door closed and I have no idea where she went from there.” I saw that, too. “Can you sense where they are?”

“I can try.” I reach out with the Force. She’s close. And despite Carth’s concern, for lack of a better word, she would seem to be doing very well on her own. She’s certainly thinking about her identity, but she’s doing her best to focus on Malak. This fight isn’t going to end today. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this fight is not going to end today.

A choice needs to be made. One of us isn’t going to make it out of here. And Carth’s right, the others need Rena to find the last Star Map. Revan found it on Manaan once before, and even if she doesn’t know it, Rena has the memory. A sacrifice needs to be made. My sacrifice. “We need to hurry,” I say, and we run through the center door. I only hope we’re not too late.

---

Malak moves fast. Almost too fast. I let myself react on instinct rather than using any particular form or thinking about my responses. I just let my mind go blank. Muscle memory. Memory. Memory. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on this.

I’m not going to win this fight.

Malak reaches out a hand and suddenly I can’t move. God. No. No this can’t happen. Carth, if anything happens, I just want you to know I love --

“This isn’t over, Malak!” Bastila? They’re unfrozen. I’m not going to die today. But something’s not…

“Your friends do not give up easily, Revan,” Malak says, “You always could inspire loyalty. But even the three of you together cannot stand against my power!”

“For the Jedi!” Bastila shouts, and she throws her lightsaber at him. Malak starts to move towards her. I still can’t move, not yet. Focus, Rena, focus! Undo it! Do something! “I’ll hold Malak off!” she says, “You two get out of here! Find the Star Forge!”

“No, Bastila, he’s too strong!” Carth says, but she doesn’t change. “No!” She reaches out a hand and closes the door behind Malak, sealing them in. And suddenly I can move again, I don’t know how, but I can move. I’ve got to help her, I’ve got to get in there! I head for the lock, there’s got to be something I can do! Come on. Come on! “The door’s sealed, we can’t get past!” Carth says, trying to stop me, “Come on, we have to get to the Ebon Hawk!”

“No, we can’t, I have to help her!” I have to help her!

“Bastila doesn’t stand a chance against Malak, but we can’t help her. Not here.”

“I can’t let another person die!” I shout. I can’t. How many deaths did Revan cause? How many did Revan kill? I can’t do that again, I won’t have her death on my ledger, too!

“We have to get off this ship and find the Star Forge,” he insists, “That’s the key to beating Malak!”

“No, the key to defeating him is right behind this fucking door - are you going to help me or not?”

“No, I’m not!” he says, “Look, Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away, and I won’t let that sacrifice be in vain. If you won’t come with me, then I'll shoot you and carry you out, but I’d rather not do that. Don’t force my hand.”

I can’t leave her. But I can’t leave him. I can’t -- I don’t know! I - wait, what the fuck, put me down! “I’m not waiting for you to figure it out.” This is completely degrading.

Thankfully he puts me down when we get to the ship. “Get the hyperdrive up and running, they will have deactivated it on Saul’s orders. Let me know once it’s ready,” he says, “I don’t want to be here a minute longer than we have to be.” I nod and run for the hyperdrive engine. T3 whirs along behind me.

It’s something to focus on, at least. This wasn’t a single “flick a switch” deactivation, this was by the book. Power couplings disconnected, safety caps on the ends, this is going to take a bit. I pull my communicator out of my pocket and buzz Carth. “This is going to take a couple minutes, don’t do any fancy flying.” He acknowledges me but that’s it. I don’t have time to think about that right now. He gets us out of the hangar and the battle begins. Shield grid’s in good shape. Caps off the couplings, this may sting a bit. I don’t know as much about engines as I do about droids, but the caps seem to be the same, just scaled up. If a droid’s going to be powered down for a while or could get wet - like torrential downpour wet - you’re supposed to disconnect the power couplings and put rubber caps on the end, for safety. So no one gets electrocuted or so the power flow doesn’t get corrupted, because that’s a bear to fix. And if this were a droid, I’d want to start at the bottom coupling and work my way up. The process here should be the same, too - turn the power off or reroute it, pull the caps off, reconnect, reroute it back. So I start on the lowest of the four. Reroute, caps, reconne - Carth, I said no fancy flying! Stop with the loop de loops! Reconnect, reroute. Second. Try not to lose my lunch. As if I’ve eaten much today. Third. God, Mission, hit them before they hit us! Fourth. Come on, come on… Done! “Carth, punch it!”

Hyperspace. Finally. The worst is over.

Or… maybe it’s just getting started.

[whims-of-insane-fandoms]

So, in honor of Yashahime, I'm dusting off this draft:

Here are thoughts, observations and just random things about the Inuyasha rewatch (Latin America Spanish rewatch: Dad's 1st time, Mom's 2nd time).

Spoilers ahead!

The Shikon Jewel/Sacred Jewel is "la perla de Shikon" [translation: the Pearl of Shikon/ Shikon Pearl]

The LAS dub calls demons "monstruos" or "espirituos malignos" [translation: "monsters" or "evil spirits"]

Half-demons are called "mitad bestia" aka "half beast" and halfbreed is "híbrido" aka "hybrid".

My dad's favorite is Inuyasha

My mom loves Inuyasha, even if he's a dumbass

Kagome is Aome in the LAS dub but my parents still call her Kagome.

Trivia for some of you: Kagome's name was changed to Aome because the first part of her name "Kago" sounds very similar to the Spanish word "cagó", or, roughly translated, shit.

Inuyasha's VA sometimes makes Inu sound so soft and that's fucking precious

ALSO: Inuyasha's VA voices the Weasley twins in the Spanish dubs of Harry Potter

[Unrelated: I've only seen the entire Harry Potter series in English once. So, yes, I recognized Inu's voice easily]

Kikyo's VA sounds young (more so than in English) and she and Kagome sound similar. I almost thought they were the same person.

Yura is given the full name "Yura Sakasagami".

Jaken calls Sesshomaru "amo bonito" or "pretty/beautiful master"

"Naraku is handsome." - My mom

Speaking of, Naraku and Hitomi Kagewaki had different VAs, which is different from the English dub!

My dad thought Kagewaki was to be trusted... he was a bit shocked, to say the least, when the reveal occurred.

*Kirara appears on screen* "Kirara!" - My mom, without fail

My mom likes Kanna, too

“Naraku has so many kids, it’s as if he’s a woman.” “Dad, he’s made of several demons and some of them were probably women so he technically has both genders.” “That makes sense.”

The LAS dub really hammers in how arrogant Sesshomaru and Naraku are sometimes. They refer to themselves as "el gran/the great" Sesshomaru or Naraku.

My dad doesn’t feel sympathy for Kohaku and Sango and my sister says it’s because he doesn’t have a good relationship with his siblings.

In contrast, my mom almost cries during the Kohaku and Sango episodes

For some episodes, Kagome’s VA is replaced by another one and it is the same one as Sasha from the Lost Canvas and that would give me whiplash

Ryukotsusei is never actually named. He's called "espiritu dragón" or Dragon Spirit

Likewise, Ninmenka is "árbol mágico" or Magical Tree

*Naraku escapes* My dad: *angrily stares into the distance*

My dad did not like Naraku's puppets or his escape attempts. At all. He was so annoyed.

Gyuoh from the Sacred Jewel Maker is called Minotaur. RIP to you, man.

Naraku went to Mt. Hakurei to give birth. Practically canon in the LAS dub.

My parents liked Jakotsu a lot. My dad thought he was a girl at first because of the VA.

My mom didn't like Renkotsu.

My mom consented that the Band of Seven were clever and strong. It still made her angry to admit it.

Inuyasha didn't kill any members of the Band of Seven. Kyokotsu was killed by Koga, Mukotsu by Sesshomaru, Ginkotsu committed suicide, Suikotsu was killed by Jakotsu. Jakotsu was killed by Renkotsu. Renkotsu was killed by Bankotsu. Finally, Bankotsu was killed by Naraku.

He was only linked to the deaths of Jakotsu (Wind Scar-ing him allowing Renkotsu to take his shard) and Bankotsu (Backlash Wave left him prey for Naraku)

*Hakudoshi appears* Me: It's your fave! My sister: Yes!!

My dad thinks Hakudoshi is creepy, my mom consents he's kind of adorable.

Hakudoshi says he’s Naraku’s illegitimate child. No joke. People called him his son. Kagura and Kanna are called extensions of Naraku but Hakudoshi is his kid.

My mom’s favorite incarnation is Kanna and my dad doesn’t like any of them

My dad says that Naraku has no rights and is a coward

My dad, a man that only speaks Spanish, called Naraku "a son of a bitch" in almost flawless English.

*Inuyasha does anything cute or is protective* My mom: *in perfect English* How cute, Inuyasha!

My parents do not like Koga. They think he's too arrogant and mean to Inuyasha.

They're biased because Inuyasha was their favorite.

They didn't want him to lose his shards, though

My dad thought some of the things Princess Abi did was smart. Not all of them, though.

My parents liked Jinenji and Shiori

Watching this series at 20 really smacks you in the face on how old the humans are. Kagome is 15, Miroku is 18, Sango is 16, Rin is 8 and Kohaku is 11. Like, you guys didn't deserve that.

We watched one of the last episodes in Spanish Castellano, aka Spanish from Spain. No one was amused.

I’ve watched Final Act twice and I still cry in Kagura’s death scene.

I still cry in the ending, too

My parents did NOT cry

But my parents were excited for the 3 year reunion between the two of them, like true shippers

Inuyasha lowkey suffered more than Kagome in those 3 years.

Inuyasha waited for Kagome for 3 years and went to check on the well every 3 days with hardly anything to really occupy his mind. Kagome had high school things to distract her.

On that last part, Kagome is never mentioned going to check on the well every 3 days for 3 years. So. . . :(((

Still bugs me that Inuyasha still wears the Beads of Subjugation at the end. Inu is so whipped, Kagome doesn't need the Sit command at this point

My dad hit me hard during the end with this: "[Kagome] is still going to grow old before [Inuyasha].”

Ouch, that last point still hurts. He didn't need to hit me with that.

Did Kagome become an official priestess? If so, do priestesses marry? I need answers

Did Inuyasha and Kagome get married and have kids? I need answers, Rumiko! [EDIT: They had a kid and she is lovely and adorable!]

My dad doesn't like anime that much but this is the 2nd anime he sat down and watched to the end [Dragonball was the first]

My mom is the anime lover. She's watched several animes in dub (Spanish/English) and sub (English subs]. It's how she practiced reading English

Overall, my parents love Inuyasha

[docholligay]

"Baby just give me one reason/ Give me just one reason why I should stay/Said I told you that I loved you/And there ain't no more to say" - Give Me One Reason, Tracy Chapman; Reinako

This whole thing was so stupid. Rei knew better than to be here, knew better than to be touching Mina, knew better than to feel the grace of her collarbone beneath Rei’s lips. She knew that there was nothing smart about breathing in the deep peach-warm scent of her, and it w3as the stupidest idea of all to listen to the siren song of her voice as she whispered Rei’s name, letting it pop and crackle like embers on her tongue. 

She knew all these things, but here she was anyway. 

Mina would never let it just be this. MIna wanted her in the daylight hours, and not just in the dark of night, curtains pulled so not even the moon could touch them, a secret place where they could feel each other, Minako’s breast like a weapon in Rei’s hand, or a life preserver, or a glass of wine. REi was fine with the dark and the secrets. She had lived all her life in the shadows thrown by fire. 

But Mina wanted to bring this into the light, that bright and glittering place where the shadows went away, where there were bright advertisements for kisses, whispers, and fucking. Where every work Mina said twirled itself into neon signs, flashing for everyone to see. Mina didn’t live in the light so much as she created it of herself. 

She didn’t understand. Rei didn’t feel for Mina like that. She didn’t want to hold her hand in the street, or kiss her on the cheek, or anything that would scream that she had lost something to Mina. That she had given it away, like a careless child. That she had forgotten she had a job to do, and that she had sworn that her duty would come above all else. 

Rei could see Michiru’s smug little smile right now, if they kissed in the light. 

Mina would come to love the darkness. It was warm and it was safe, and as Rei bent toward her, the fire cast their shadows upon the wall. They were part of the shadow, if only Mina would see. This was where they were meant to be, hidden from destiny and fate by the safety of the darkness. 

Rei refused herself so many things. That was the sign of hard work, was being able to give things up. She worked for her Sight, and for Usagi, and for the shrine, and for the memory of her mother, and for the preservation of money, and she was good at all of these things. She could deny herself. It made her feel strong, to know she could. 

But tonight, she gave herself Mina. She let MIna stay, lit the fire and dimmed the lights and let the world pass them both by, unseeing as a ship in the darkness, gliding by some small island. 

MIna never could let a good thing last. 

“You love me,” MIna whispered, and Rei felt the arrow fly through her back, “And I love you.” 

Mina was always so sure of everything she ever said, and whatever quality of that Rei wanted to give over to her power, she knew it wasn’t that, that Mina was seeing her with some other kind of eye, and her face flushed with a blaze of anger. How dare Mina tell her what she thinks, what she feels? How dare Mina come into this sacred place, all of its holy darkness, and throw up one of those interminable floodlights? 

“I don’t” She replied. 

This whole thing was so stupid. Mina knew better than to be here, knew better than to accept the hot stroke of Rei’s tongue, to get burned by the every present flame of her. She knew that there was nothing smart about listening to the way Rei called her name in the dark, like summer and smoke, and it was the stupidest idea of all to run her hand across Rei’s hair on the pillow, to touch that black satin and think she could not drown herself in its galaxy. 

She knew all these things, but here she was anyway. 

She never should have said it, but there was nothing else to be said. Rei liked to compartmentalize, to think that she could be Sailor Mars and Rei Hino and the Shrine Maiden and a lover in the darkness, without any of them ever touching, separate as a children’s plate, and just as immature. But it was Mina who was being stupid, here. She knew what happened in Rei’s room, and what didn’t happen. 

Mina was acting stupid, but she didn’t have to stay stupid. 

She got to her feet. “This was a mistake.” she shook her head, and combed the front of her hair into a small ponytail, “I’m always giving Haruka crap for this kind of shit, and then here I am.” 

“Why are you leaving?” Rei scowled, “You don’t have to leave.” 

Mina let out a chuckle. Rei’s beauty was in her purity, in a way that she never knew in anyone else. She was so single-minded that she struggled to understand the feelings of anyone else. There were things Rei did, and things Rei didn’t do, and the idea that anyone wouldn’t just fall into line was the most immediately appalling thing Rei could think of. 

Rei would never let anything out into the sun, where it could grow, because letting it grow would mean admitting that she had not picked every single seed, that sometimes things simply planted themselves where they wished to, and all you could do was hang on. Mina lived in the sun, she was unashamed of anything she did, just as convinced of her own mind as Rei, but oh so different. 

“Rei,” She put her hands on her hips, “I do have to leave. I’m not this stupid, and I’m acting this stupid.” 

She tossed on her tshirt, grabbing her bra and going for her jacket by the door. 

“No, you don’t. God Mina,” she whirled around, “you always do this. We have an agreement--” 

“No YOU have an agreement, and I,” she began buttoning up her coat, “Like a fucking MORON, convince myself that I actually want some part of this. I want more, Rei, and you can’t fucking give it to me, and it’s about time I learned that.” 

Rei’s eyes glimmered with flame. “Are you’d supposed to be the one who’s always sex that sex and love aren’t the same--” 

“No, I said they don’t have to be.And I--” She threw up her hands. “I can’t do this with you. Give me one reason I should stay. Tell me you want me to stay. Tell me I’m more than a hookup to you. Tell me the fucking truth, Rei. Say something.” 

They stared at each other, the darkness and the light wishing for a pale shadow where they both could live, reaching for it, hoping for it. Rei’s lips moved as if they wanted to let forth the dapple of sun and darkness into the room, and they both barely breathed, only the roar of the fire and the shadow puppets telling this story against the walls. 

Rei said nothing, and Mina took the doorknob, and the light was divided from the darkness once again.

[shiobookmark]

Binge watching Merlin when you’re familiar with the stories is such a weird experience. I need to vent. 

I have so many problems with the show. They mostly boil down to the fact that there’s an awful lot of character development that drags its feet for several seasons before picking up all at once, meaning characters can seem to never learn their lesson only to make huge strides in the course of an episode seemingly at random. And unfortunately, Arthur is the biggest victim of this. And the show suffers for it. I was doubtful he’d make a good Arthur at first, but mum, who’d seen the series before, assured me it was all in service of his character development. And there is a great arc struggling under there somewhere, but it’s mired down in seasons and seasons of episodic ‘monster of the week’ stuff where Arthur waffles back and forth in his ideals. I know what they’re trying to do but the effect seems more like Arthur is a weak-minded man who follows only what he believes other people think is right. He learns his lesson about this again and again and it never seems to take. The unicorn, the execution at Agravaine’s order, the ghostly child, and just recently the Disir. It’s episode 5 of the final season. There’s only eight episodes left. Yet here he is, prancing into the sacred grove with no regard for the laws and customs, every bit the arrogant jock, much like he did in season one.  It ignores his character development. Arthur knows better by now. Yet for plot reasons all that has to be thrown out the window. He’ll turn on a dime and be forthright and humble a few minutes from now- oh yes, there he goes. How is he still a creature of hindsight? Where was this wise kingly fellow an hour before? Another problem is Merlin. Early on the show really suffered from Disney morality, how Merlin couldn’t be responsible for anyone’s death. Now it suffers from protagonist-centred morality. In the later seasons Arthur just follows along with whatever Merlin thinks is best, even if he resists at first. It’s supposed to show that he’s learned to listen to others, but because he can never make a right decision first time, he ends up seeming more like Merlin’s puppet.

The most egregious example of this is this episode, where Arthur faces a dilemma and outright asks Merlin what he should do... and does it. Which then means Mordred survives and Arthur is doomed. It wasn’t really Arthur’s choice, was it? Not a product of his own beliefs and actions, it could have easily swung the other way. The choice was Merlin’s. How are we supposed to root for Arthur that way? The show’s called Merlin so I understand that it has to follow his perspective, but there are far better ways to do that. Look at the trilogy by Mary Stewart. Her Merlyn doesn’t spend as much time at Arthur’s side, but you could easily write similar stories where he does. Merlyn has his own enemies, his own goals, he loves Arthur and helps him but they are his own adventures. They’ve started calling Arthur The Once and Future King out of nowhere now and it’s weird. Why would people call him that. They have no idea he’s going to die and be destined to return. What the fuck. And it’s not that I dislike the show I actually really like it? It’s got some ‘it’s so bad it’s good’ qualities for the first two seasons but after Richard Wilson (Gaius) finally learned to act with more emotion than a wooden spoon it really picked up. There was good payoff in some bits. Morgana was a bit forced and I could have used a few less false starts with her hatred of Uther (how many times can she almost betray him?) and a bit more exploration into why she hates Arthur other than ‘he’s Uther’s son.’ She loved Arthur until her villain arc what the actual fuck And her actor is terrible but nevermind they all are I just particularly despise the smoozy style she adopts

Uther in general is great I just needed a lot less of him Arthur should have become king at the end of season 1, maybe the middle of season 2. Not season 4. Uther ends up being an annoying thorn in Arthur’s side. It’s a game of ‘what stupid shit is Uther gonna pull this episode and have they beefed up security on the dungeons yet?’ The episode where he comes back as a ghost and Arthur finally tells him where to shove it was brilliant and I loved every second of it. I was afraid it was going to be yet another ‘Arthur doubts himself and reverts to the path of a tyrant before he sees the error of his ways’ episode but it wasn’t, which was nice. They dallied around so much I only really started enjoying the show once Arthur became king. Because there were stakes. We got to see what he was made of. But the biggest problem I have with the show, is the treatment of magic. The old religion had a bit of an image problem within the show itself because other than Gaius and Merlin, no one seems to use it ‘correctly.’ And boy does that open up a can of worms.  But I was willing to roll with it. There’s been a lot more specifically Celtic stuff in later seasons which I appreciate as it certainly works better than the weird grab bag of monsters we had previously. (But what happened to Tristan after Isolde died? He just vanished once he served his narrative purpose.) It’s just as of this latest episode, Arthur is being blackmailed into bowing down before the triple goddess or else he and his kingdom will fall to ruin. And that’s... not okay. That’s the same kind of shit Uther did. It’s Might makes Right.  It’s religious oppression. ‘If you don’t do what we want then you’ll suffer.’ Arthur is supposed to be about Might for Right*. Objectively he shouldn’t stand for this shit. But because it’s the Old Religion ooooooh how mystical and shit, he has to. Because protagonist-centred morality. Why didn’t this happen to Uther? Has Arthur been continuing the executions? Has he been encouraging the hunting down of Sorcerers? We know he goes after the dangerous ones, but is his ‘outlawing’ of magic a ‘supporting them under the table’ sort of deal or is he as ruthless as Uther? We don’t know. And now that the show has committed to specifically the Triple Goddess branch of paganism rather than just vague mostly made up stuff with a Celtic ‘flavour’ it has some really nasty real world connotations. We’ve never seen benevolent magic users outside of Merlin and Gaius, or if we did they died. The Druids are sometimes around but they’re more like plot devices for when the show needs some wise and pacifistic victims. It’s really uncomfortable. They’ve just doomed Arthur by having Mordred live, because he refused to embrace magic. Or as I’d put it: Because he refused to bow to tyranny. Arthur promised to make life better for magic users and he broke that promise. Taking him to task for that is more than okay. Have the Druids do it. Have them demand recompense and then let Arthur do what he does best: Forge alliances.  We’ve seen him do this. We’ve seen him face up to the consequences of his hasty and violent actions before, we’ve seen him behave with grace and humility and turn enemies into friends. It’s what makes him a good Arthur. Instead we’ve got this crap that’s supposed to be about not defying the natural laws of the world, but because it’s specifically a religion it’s just really gross. And finally, Mordred. What even is his deal. He’s given a pisspoor reason to hate Merlin way back in season 2 or something when Merlin trips him up with a tree root to hopefully get him killed by the pursuing knights because he’s destined to kill Arthur And somehow that’s supposed to be a grudge he holds into adulthood. But grown up Mordred seems a nice fellow, he’s put all that behind him. And he’s supposed to be Arthur’s doom. This is going to be rushed as all hell isn’t it? The problem is Mordred was never given a legitimate grievance to replace the one he lost when he stopped being related to Arthur. Going the incestuous bastard baby route isn’t necessary since it’s actually a modern addition, but having Mordred be Arthur’s cousin might have worked just as well. The problem is Morgana has taken all that over. What I would do is have Mordred be Merlin’s character foil. A sweet kid who grew up with the Druids and becomes a Knight because he, like Merlin, believes he’s destined to do great things. But he makes the opposite choices to Merlin about magic. He’s open about his beliefs, hoping to find understanding and instead Arthur rejects him. He looks for support from Merlin but finds none. He swears to hurt Merlin however he can as a traitor to their kind. And the best way to do that is to kill Arthur.

Bonus rant: Lancelot is boring. I like his actor, he does the noble and handsome bit right but his character has no texture or grit to him. Give me TH White’s ugly angst muffin any day. The Lancelot/Guinevere romance subplot was lame as hell and it only really delivered when Guinevere was enchanted into having an affair with his ghost. I prefer to think there was no enchantment but gotta keep things squeaky clean. Guinevere can’t just love two people simultaneously I guess, gods dammit.

It’s Arthurian legend with all the edges sanded down smooth and a lot of pacing problems.

[tessatechaitea]

The Invisibles #5

It says "Crash the bus" on the back cover and I fucking get it so hard.

My inherent nihilism doesn't show often because, ultimately, I believe in a humanitarian morality based around kindness and compassion, built upon the foundational belief that nothing exists beyond our short lifespans and any act of wanton cruelty which makes any part of that short and challenging life more difficult for another person is the only true evil in the universe. But I feel the statement, "Crash the bus," deep down in my bones sometimes. Maybe it stems from a carefree and flirtatious relationship with suicidal ideation that allows me to embrace the idea of burning it all down. Most people want safety and comfort and will bargain with the devil to keep as much of that safety and comfort as possible, no matter how illusory it may be (because we have to face the fact that a good illusion may as well be reality). We're living in a Jenga tower where we refuse to restablilize the base even though it's teetering on just three misplaced blocks. And because of that, the amount of true reform that can be applied to this system is limited to what shapes can stand upon those three blocks. Most people are willing to work in that paradigm because they're afraid of starting completely over and losing their current safety and comfort, or because they think those three blocks are too sacred to remove. But imagine if you kicked out those three blocks, or, to sort of get back to the original analogy, crashed the bus into them and brought the whole tower down. Imagine the stable structure you could build if you started from a foundation that was built to support a better, kinder, more just system rather than trying to build that better system on a foundation not meant to support anything like it. Just because a structure has stood for over two hundred years doesn't mean it's still worth living in today, or maintaining its upkeep simply because we've always maintained its upkeep. I often dream of crashing the bus. And believe me, I don't fantasize about it because I think I'll survive the crash. I fantasize about it because I don't think I'll survive the ride. On the inside cover of this issue, there's a brief description of who and what The Invisibles are. "An organization dedicated to subversive activity in all its forms...the only rule of the organization is disobedience." In an earlier The Invisibles review, I believe I equated this organization to the Upright Citizens Brigade (specifically the show and not the comedy troupe). It's probably why I understood this comic book from page one. My intro or about page on Facebook has simply said this for however long I've been on the cursed site: "My only enemy is the status quo. My only friend is chaos" (that's stolen from the Upright Citizens Brigade intro, just to be clear). So I really can't remember why I stopped reading this comic book. It was right up my alley, even at twenty-three! I highly suspect I just lost track of it because I was a terribly disorganized comic book collector. I just realized King Mob is Grant Morrison's Mary Sue, isn't he? I had an image of him in my head but I just checked the Internet to makes sure he did look just like King Mob and, well, the Internet confirmed my suspicions. Also while scanning Morrison's Wikipedia entry, I noticed a short paragraph about Morriosn noting the similarities between The Invisibles and The Matrix. You know, like I noticed as well! Me! I noticed it too! Try to remember that these reviews are really just reviews about me and no the comic books I'm pretending to read but really just looking at the pictures.

Morrison just puts the pieces of the puzzle on the table and you're supposed to put them together. But who does fucking puzzles?! Boring!

In my 30s, I planned on reading every holy book and writing copious amounts of commentary from a person who wasn't taught the dogma behind the words and was simply trying to understand the book with the words that were there. I made it about forty pages through Genesis with nearly three hundred pages of commentary and then the project just sort of petered out. I suppose I'm still alive so I can always restart this project. But sometimes life has a way of kicking you in the brain by distracting you and suddenly eighteen years have gone by and you're all, "What's the fucking point?" The Mahabharata was going to be one of those books. I read part of it in college but damned if I can remember any of it. Hell, I was even going to read Dianetics! I was going to save the Quran for last just in case I invoked the rage of some fundamentalist psycho for interpreting something in the book literally as opposed to the way it's been taught according to centuries of dogma (I was pretty sure I was going to offend Christians as well but Christian fundamentalists are mostly lazy, selfish bastards who wouldn't dare take any risks to disrupt their Earthly life for their spiritual beliefs). The few bits I've read from the Quran that line up with Genesis were far more interesting in the way they sort of held a dialogue with The Bible. Like when Abraham apparently went to sacrifice his only son in The Bible and the book claims it was Isaac. And yet the only time Abraham had an only son was before Isaac was born and his only son was Ishmael. So, you know, it sounds pretty much like The Bible is lying about what happened while the Quran is just telling it like it is (although I'm not sure the Quran ever names the child so that's another part of the mystery! Maybe it was Isaac and somehow Ishmael just didn't count as a true son for reasons. You know the reasons. Maid's sons don't count is the reason). After teaching about Indian puppetry, Morrison gives the reader a lengthy scene of Lord Byron and Percy Bysshe Shelley discussing their roles as poets in the betterment of the world. With all these conversations of dead artists who died young, I wonder if Grant Morrison is bitter that he's lived so long? Anyway, George and Percy have some interesting things to say but this isn't a synopsis but a review. Also I don't like to comment on things I don't understand, like intelligent dialogue and beautiful poetry and earnest compassion.

Meanwhile, Jack Frost learns that the most important part of being an Invisible is being more paranoid than the next guy.

King Mob has to get back to England after his Indian puppet show and a visit to a Ganesh statue but he hates flying. So instead, he takes a shortcut through the future where the world has been ravaged by a great war and the Berlin Wall was rebuilt but bigger. Probably not to keep people on either side of it (the world seems mostly devastated) but probably just because the few fascist assholes still alive felt building a monument to being controlling dicks was the right thing to do to celebrate. Some mysterious guy without a face takes the face of some kids' father in a park somewhere at some point. It's hard to tell if this story has a place in time that can be considered the "now" being that King Mob is in a ravaged future and Byron and Shelley are in a long gone past and Jack Frost is in the present. Oh, that's probably the now! And the guy who stole the face of the other guy is probably in Jack's now time. King Mob returns to his Invisibles cell with information about their next mission. He also lets everybody know that Orlando is currently in London. I think it was Orlando who stole the face of the guy in the park. But that's just supposed to raise the tension because the Invisibles are going to leave their bodies behind in present day London as they time travel to the French Revolution. If we didn't know about Orlando, we would just be all, "Okay, cool! I guess they're time traveling and leaving their bodies so it'll be safe. Not because there are no threats from long-lived assassins without their own faces but because it's fucking time travel and I imagine they can return to their bodies the exact moment in which they left them!" Although the idea that the amount of time they spend in the past is equal to the amount of time their bodies sit unguarded makes a lot more sense than having somebody from the future tell Bill and Ted in his past that their clock is always ticking no matter where they are in time. I mean, it just doesn't make any sense! Especially when they break the rules later and will probably shit all over the time travel rules of their own established universe in the upcoming movie. Anyway, I like the idea that their spirits leave their bodies in the present in this time travel and that the spirits are away exactly as long as they spend in the past. That actually makes sense to me! The Invisibles #5 Rating: B+. Well, thanks a lot, twenty-three year old asshole me from the past! You just had to stop buying this comic book, didn't you?! And now I have to suffer not knowing what happens! Although I suppose you also suffered that and you seemed to have been fine. Aside from having no ambition and never finishing any writing projects and killing all of your dreams to play more video games. You know. Aside from that, you did just fine. Yeah. Real fine. Idiot.