#pspsps hey can you eat me out like that

[rangedreign]

half-orc durge propaganda

[hellosweetie99]

Here’s a list of my fav fic tags I’ve seen…Enjoy

Chekov’s sex bag

SWORD IN ASS SATURDAY

Homoerotic fossil collection

Passive aggressive nakedness

Blatant misuse of watermelon

The mortifying ordeal of getting your head stuck in a peanut butter jar

This is set in America…sorry

Possessed squirrel

The trio suffers

The grapes are their own character

Dark Ratatouille

Whiny boyfriend doms the undead

Pranks are meant to be silly…like mpreg

New year new kink

Hahaha ouchie

Cock cage (romantic)

Being a lawyer is kinda gay like wdym your job is getting guys off??

Starfire strap color discourse

Science fiction written by a liberal arts major

Doing cute stuff with a decapitated head

HEY MONSTERFUCKERS PSPSPS FOOD FOR YOU

Jealousy as lube

Basically I took one good look at canon and went 'no'

he gets laid in FUCKING JORTS

Kink is just LARP that makes you cum

I wasn't even planning that but the bisexual gods spoke to me

Barry Allen is a human vibrator

Traveler, that Kavehussy got me acting unwise

Evil cuddling

CBT; As In Cock And Ball Torture In Case You Think I Mean Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Women topping the fuck out of men

Pussy can't heal a broken man but pegging can make him rethink what he's done.

I'm about to slap him on his he/him pussy

Angelic Grace as Lube

Not a cinnamon roll or a war criminal but a secret third thing

Don’t YOU go adventuring with your pussy out?

Weird freaky cannibal sex

Fellas is it gay to receive a dick pic from your archenemies

scott pilgrim vs the 97 lost dr who episodes

10K WORDS OF FOREPLAY AND A BJ

Sorry, it’s for the vibes

Blood sacrifice? More like their wedding

This is true 2009 faggotry

DO NOT USE PAINT AS LUBE

He’s so stupid I need to fuck him

Vampirism or sodomy?

Viktor’s unfortunate foot thing

This is zero percent furry sorry

The ugly duckling but in a really freak way

The Doctor - - -> nest parasite

Accidental pet acquisition (dragon)

Stimming with a deadly weapon

Oh my god it’s fish porn

Clit reveal!

Petition to name it Lesbian Who

Eating a meal with the man you want to study under a microscope

Spydoc are pegging eachother in my Google docs

Psychosexually torturing an old man as quality time

Lan Wangji is a loser trapped in a hot man’s body

Is Xie Lian brat taming? He just might be

They don’t fuck. They do however get a bit bloody

[coolkidstuffsblog]

sweetheart.

young georgia miller x fem!reader

season 2 scene

i smile as the blonde smiled "are you getting ready for prom too?" my friend asked but before she could answer a little girl ran up to her "mom can i get this purse.." she was really young to have a child? whats going on?

the blonde looked up to see my friends turned but i didnt "wow! your daughter is adorable!" i said as i walked over and kneeled down next to her "whats your name?" i smile "ginny" i took my hand out "nice to meet you ginny! im y/n." i look up to georgia and see her smiling down at me "whats your name?" i ask her "georgia..georgia miller." i stand up "alrighty! i'll just-" i turn around to see my friends gone "those fake bitches." i scowl before turning "sorry! i didnt mean to use those words infront of ginny!" i got flustered "no its okay!" georgia smiled "phew..alright! would you like to be friends?" ginny holds georgia's hand "ofcourse..hey i'll meet you outside i just gotta check some stuff."

i nod and began to walk outside waiting for the girls, i look back up to see georgia get stopped by the employee i got up but to my relief they both walked out untouched.

i smiled at them both "is it too much to ask where you guys live?" i asked "i-i think so." she answers "hm..well i'll show you were i live! i suppose you can come over and when you get comfortable you can let me in your house!" i grinned "cmon follow me!"

-

i walked up to my house as georgia and ginny trailed after me "its beautiful.." i smile "yeah it is isnt it!" ginny looked at the swing we had on a tree "mommy mommy! look!" she pointed and ran over to it "ginny!" georgia jogged after her i ran right after the both of them ofcourse.

ginny sat on the swing "hey its big enough to hold the both of you..i wont push too hard." i smile at georgia "okay..hold on tight ginny." georgia sat down on the board and placed ginny on her lap, guiding her to hold the ropes on the side.

i smile and began pushing slow "careful!" georgia groaned "its okay..i wont let go!" i smiled as i kept pushing slowly "i trust you enough to do this." georgia sighed "alright enough of this! did you both eat today?i have some stuff!" georgia looked at me as she stood up "how do i know you wont poison me?" i smirk "if i was a serial killer do you think i would've let you sit on this swing and leave your DNA all over it?" georgia smirked and nodded "touché" i smile "come inside! i wanna show you sweetie!" i began to skip inside as i made sure georgia and ginny followed me.

i closed the door behind them "sorry..the place is a mess." i sighed but i began calling for my cat "pspsps sweetie! are you guys allergic to cats?" georgia shook her head, sweetie walked up to me and rubbed her head against my leg purring but i hear shuffling behind me "its okay she wont bite or scratch..shes kind." i picked her up and showed sweetie to ginny "okay..pet her head softly like this.." i taught her how to pet sweetie carefully as georgia watched me do so.

i giggle as sweetie meows "georgia you can touch her its fine!" georgia hesitated but ended up petting her "shes so soft.." i nod "yeah she is isnt she?" i smile "you guys want something to eat?" i say as i place sweetie on the ground "well-" ginny cut her off "im starving!" she ran up to me and smiled up at me "do you want a cupcake?" ginnys eyes shimmered "yes yes!" she began jumping on the spot "of course hun." i gasp as i cover my mouth "sorry.." georgia nods "its fine." i turn around and began to go to the fridge.

gerogia's pov:

i took her money as soon as she turned around i mean..i cannot trust anybody in this damn town "ofcourse hun." y/n gasped and i turned quickly "sorry.." i smile and nod "its fine." she handed us both a cupcake "eat up!" i took a bite and my mouth watered "this is amazing!" ginny kept eating it quickly "ginny! be careful you might choke." y/n giggled as ginny pled for more "im sorry this wasnt enough, do you want takeout instead?" i shook my head "oh no you've done enough for us..its getting late anyways." i smile "alright! are you guys going home? do you need a ride?" y/n worries so much its kinda cute.

i smile as i got up "ya know what you guys can take the rest." y/n grabbed a container and put all the cupcakes in it "alrighty!" y/n handed it to me in a bag "take care!" i was about to open the door "oh and georgia." i turn around and make eye contact with her "please come back if you need to." i smile and nod "thank you."

the door went shut and i sighed as i began to walk home "mom..shes nice!" ginny said "i like her! i want her to be my papa!" i began to blush "ginny! shes a girl im a girl too..i dont think we can get together at all." i smile at the thought of us..me y/n and ginny happily.

no..thats too much you just met the girl and probably will never meet her ever again she is such a sweetheart but i need to forget her..i like boys not girls.

[bendycxmet]

content: 1.4k words. again-dangerous activities, street racing, street racer vash, a lil vashwood as a treat.

a/n: pspsps @unitoffline as promised. i was having a lil too much fun and forgot this was meant to be a drabble

Street Racer!Vash watches too many street racing movies and suddenly thinks he can turn Rem’s hand-me-down Acura NSX into a force to be reckoned with in the streets. Well, at least from Knives’ POV.

“Do you really have to do this? I mean, think of all the danger you’re putting yourself in,” Knives asks. 

“Knives, I am well aware of all the danger, and I really appreciate your concern for poor little me, but I can handle myself. You can come to my races too, if you’re so worried.”

“Ha! As if I want to spend my late nights around loud cars and the smell of burnt tires. Unlike you, I have better things to do.”

Knives can be seen on the side of the road at every race, Vash easily catching sight of his brother’s platinum blonde hair as he zooms past. 

Street Racer!Vash finds a little community of street racers in their rural town, joining Milly in her early morning drifting practices around an abandoned track, Meryl watching from the side rails, ready to assist in any car repairs. 

Milly giggles as she watches Vash stumble his way out of his low car, sitting down on the ground with his head in his hands. “You got the spins, Mr. Vash? Just breathe and take it easy. Happens the first couple… several times you drift. You’ll get used to it. Make sure you don’t eat too heavy before coming out here.”

“Your car doesn’t sound right either. What have you been doing to it? After our practices, I mean,” Meryl inquiries with a tilt of her head.

“Uh. Well. Do I need to do…anything?” Meryl only scoffs at his answer, deciding to spare Vash her teasing. “Alright, after you get a nap and some food in, you’re gonna join me in my garage. You got a couple of things to learn about your baby here before you can even think of hitting the streets.”

Street Racer!Vash is now constantly tending to his car, wrenches and tools scattered all around him half the time. Knives, Milly, and Meryl are used to seeing him have his head beneath the car hood, hunched over, looking for any possible issues before his races. He’s braced over the engine now, five minutes before his tenth race. Yes, he’s counting. 

“Vash, stare any longer at your car and your eyes will create an issue,” Meryl quips, hands on her hips. Vash only whines, tapping his fingers anxiously on the car hood elevated above him. Milly inclines her head at Meryl, imploring her to say a couple of encouraging mechanic lingo. Meryl shakes her head before sidling up to Vash. 

“Hey big guy, you’re gonna do great. You’re 9-0. You’ve got a gift for this.” She analyzes the engine below her, and hums. “You learned from the best! I don’t see a single thing wrong here.” Meryl bumps her hip into Vash, making him stumble. He laughs through his nose, face finally relaxing. 

“I just want to be sure my car is at 100%.” 

“It is. Are you though?”

True to Meryl’s assurances, Vash feels no pull or drag with his car, the NSX purring happily as he accelerates past his opponents, crossing the finish line with the wind rustling his hair. First, yet again. 

Street Racer!Vash who feels ready to travel to the next town over, catching wind of an infamous racer from the videos posted online. Wolfwood. God, even his name sounds menacing. And he drives a Nissan Skyline?! He sounds like an absolute beast, a true rival for Vash, biting his lip as he watches the black vehicle whiz past whoever is recording. The camera can barely follow the car with how fast he’s catching the corners. One day, he’ll be at his level. 

Street Racer!Vash bounces his legs in his car, eyes solely on the matte black vehicle at the front. The flag is thrown down, and instead of everything accelerating, time seems to slow down. One, two, three cars he’s passing. All he can see is the Skyline ahead of him, only separated by a couple more cars. A curve is coming up, exactly like the ones he constantly drifts around back home. Vash changes gear, and drifts. He eases his body into the momentum of the car, watching as he passes the final few cars distancing him from his target. The road straightens and Vash gasses it. 

Street Racer!Vash grips his wheel in awe, replaying his win in his head. He defeated Wolfwood on his first try. Maybe Meryl was right. He does have a gift for this. Wolfwood pops his head into his car and exchanges some small talk with him. This can’t be real, Vash chants in his head. 

“-what do you call yourself, Spikes?” Vash barely manages to catch in his stupor.

“Call me Vash. Nice to finally meet you, Wolfwood.”

Street Racer!Vash invites Wolfwood to join Milly and his drifting practices, Wolfwood fitting in quickly with how he returns Meryl’s banter and Milly’s genuine smiles. Vash feels himself go a little soft on the inside, happy to have another in his little racing group. 

Vash lies beneath his elevated car, working at some kinks he discovered the morning prior to another race. A sudden jolt of the creeper he’s lying on and he’s being pulled out. 

“What's up Vash!" Wolfwood holds a hand out to Vash.

"What's up Wolfwood!" Vash has a grin plastered on his face, clasping hands with Wolfwood as he hoists him up. He ignores the trip and stumble his heart does at their connected hands, feeling the calluses on Wolfwood's palms.

"Looks like we have more in common than I thought. I always find you underneath this ruby gem of yours. Do you ever do anything else, Spikes?”

The silly nickname makes Vash roll his eyes, but on the inside, he feels light, giggly like a schoolgirl. “Not on this side of town. Knives is always saying I could get out and actually touch some grass instead of asphalt. Maybe you can help me out? Take up some of my time?” Vash shoots back, tilting his head up at Wolfwood. 

Wolfwood shifts his feet, feeling he bit off more than he can chew, unsure of how to proceed. He notes the grease covering Vash’s brow, grabs a (mostly) clean-looking rag, and bends down to Vash’s eye level.

“Thought you see me enough,” he states, wiping along Vash’s quickly reddening face. Wolfwood forces himself to focus on the grease on pale skin. “I wouldn’t mind getting out of our cars for once and walking around together somewhere.” 

All Wolfwood gets in response is Vash blinking quickly at him, seemingly astonished that a famous racer–that he idolized–was asking to get closer to him. Closer than just rivals on the streets. Deciding to spare him the awkwardness, Woflwood laughs. “I think I just made it worse.” Wolfwood points at his own brows, indicating to Vash that he smeared the grease rather than wiped it off. 

“Wha-” Vash stands and turns to peer at himself in the reflection of his car’s window. He whines, seeing the swath of grease now covering his forehead, then bursts into laughter when Wolfwood giggles behind him. “I’ll tell you what. Loser in the next race has to take the winner to a restaurant of their choosing. Paying for the other, of course.”

“It’s so on,” Wolfwood grins around the lollipop in his mouth and shakes Vash’s hand.

“God, you are both such oblivious losers,” Meryl quips from behind the car. Vash jumps, forgetting that she was re-inflating his rear tires. 

Street Racer!Vash grits his teeth, eyes peeping at Wolfwood’s Skyline from the corner of his eye. They only have 500 feet left until the finish line, and Wolfwood is a bumper ahead of him. Wolfwood peers sidelong at Vash, winking at him before ultimately winning the race.

"That has to be cheating," Vash thinks, heartrate racing in his ears, clutching at his chest to calm himself down.

Vash groans, leaning his head against his steering wheel once he comes to a stop. A tap at the window and Wolfwood’s opening his car door. He pokes his head in, Vash turning his head from where it rests on leather, feeling shy at Wolfwood’s proximity.

“So sweet rival of mine, where you taking me out to eat?” 

Vash flushes. In the heat of the race, he forgot all about their bet. “Uh, it’s a surprise?”

Wolfwood chuckles. “I can drive. I’ll show you what a real ride feels like.” The heat in Vash’s face rises at the intonations of Wolfwood’s statement and hides his face in his hands.

“Pick you up tomorrow night, Spikey.”

Partner piece to Street Racer!Wolfwood.

a/n: Rivals in the streets, lovers in the sheets amirite??

masterlist | divider

[thatdeadaquarius]

PLS YOU’RE SO FUNNY your pspspsps is too strong I’m back with more asks hello how are you I’m loving your takes on sagau! I thought of a contribution by the power of the pspsps imagine like the languages in teyvat are based on the nations’ real life counterparts (like Japanese for Inazuma) but like only loosely. So creator knows like exactly 3 words in Japanese and think they’re gonna take that and somehow make it work but they get there and understand NOTHING. They finally understand like one word but turns out it means something completely different in this version of “Japanese” so they think someone told them hi and they said hi back but they’re just going around saying “fuck” and no one wants to tell them

ANOTHER ONE YUHSSS LURING BACK IN FOR MORE im doing well tysm for asking ya flatterer!!

aw u think im funny??!! 🥰 well geez here i thought i was just going feral over sagau/isekai genshin stuff and it was like a dam burst and all yall were just coming down with me funny or not 🤷‍♂️

(Hey askers look ive got cookies 🍪🍪🍪 :) if u ask smth ill give u one!!)

Nice to know the humor translates, but holy fuck this ask is like 10x funnier than anything ive written so far or come up with LMAO PLEASE NO ONE WANTS TO TELL YOU-

____________

This is exactly what Portugese vs. Spanish is like i stg

Im not fluent yet but i know a decent amount of spanish at this point, but when i was first learning it i ran into some Portuguese and couldnt really read it and was like?? Oh ok maybe this is too many vocab words i dont get yet, and showed it to another person who spoke some Spanish and they were like ".. Uh, wtf is that?? What is that???🧐😟 Thats not even Spanish, but why is it almost???" And they just kept trying to read it so hard bc they thought it was so close it should work 😭

Anyway the point is i feel like that is just you in this scenario over and over again lol

Its like teaching a little kid language and they happen to pick up the cusswords the best,

Omfg ur around Beidou about to head to Inazuma (bc i like to think u traveling with Aether/Lumine and they r sweet enough not to abandon ur weird ass)

And Beidou just keeps cussing in Liyue's-almost-Mandarian-Chinese-but-not, and ur like trying to pick smth up bc it sucks none of ur little bits and pieces of lang. from ur world have worked so far, and she keeps saying this one word over and over again, to this angry looking Liyue guy, oh hey wait a minute, that's the Mandarin word for "hello"!! Maybe she's using it sarcastically?? She smiled afterward, oh Kazuha's laughing!! Maybe it means smth different? But they still look positive abt it so eh, cant hurt, and you sort of know how to say it!!

"你好 !! (nǐhǎo)", you do a little wave too :)

(I just used straight mandarin for this pls tell me if not right-)

Hey you did it! Sort of, you didn't really do the tones right, and you look over to see if they got it, and oop-

Everybody froze and looked at you, before Beidou starts screaming laughing, Kazhua's wheezing so hard he's leaning on a barrel nearby, the traveler is trying to keep it together, but u can see Beidou's ridiculous laugh is contagious and is spreading rapidly to crew members and to the traveler,,

The angry Liyuean man no longer looks angry, oh, he's leaving, welp, you can tell u did smth funny, but u havent a clue what u actually said

Every now and then Beidou will come up to you and try to teach u more Liyuean words, but anytime the traveler sees it they shoo her off, she has a shit-eating grin on her face, while the traveler looks unamused or is at least trying to hide their amusement

(There r so many characters that will take advantage of this and only try to teach you cuss words, at least at first, CHILDE, kaveh, VENTI, Itto, BEIDOU, Xinqiu the little prankster, ppl i can think of quickly god i gotta look at a character list)

Beidou BEAMS anytime u say "nîhâo" now, and gives u a thumbs up everytime 👍

You learn much later that you probably should just give up trying to say any of your world's lang. That sound equivalent to each genshin country's lang. bc apparently the few words you know from them are either random shit like "egg, bowl, etc." Or straight up explicit "fuck, shit, piss etc."

__________

I didnt have too much to add bc that is a GREAT AND HILARIOUS idea all on its own (esp if u did it in front of more serious characters or situation)

So pls forgive if lackluster writing happened!!

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! COME AGAIN!! AND YOU'LL GET A FREE COOKIE!! :]

✨️🍪✨️

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[meadowmines]

OC-Tober 31: free space :)

[In which Aoyagi gets his weekly visit from his dirty old uncle]

Aoyagi is shoving a batch of bread in the oven for the dinner shift when he hears the door ding. "Be right with ya," he calls over his shoulder.

"Aw, c'mon," a familiar voice calls back. "What's a guy gotta do to get some pussy around here?"

God. Aoyagi tries not to laugh. He really does. He doesn't try very hard. "You sure you wanna burn yer one allotted pussy joke per visit right in the door?" he yells back as he shuts the oven. "You know where yer seat is, ojisan."

Tuesday evening, after the lunch barista and cooks have gone home and before the dinner crew shows up. Just like clockwork. Aoyagi watches from the kitchen as the old man picks his way through the main room to his favorite comfy chair, careful as always not to plant his cane on any paws or tails. A few of the cats trot over to greet him as soon as he sinks into that chair. The fact that he keeps "accidentally" dropping things they're not supposed to eat probably figures into that. "Where's my favorite girl? Hey, Miyuki-chan! Pspspsps--"

Miyuki is facing away from the door and has not yet noticed her favorite customer, and so she goes on licking herself. "She can't hear ya," Aoyagi reminds him. Seems like they have this conversation every time. There are even signs on the wall--Miyuki's glamour shot captioned I'm Miyuki-chan! I'm not ignoring you, I'm deaf! Thank you for understanding! It never sticks. To be fair, though, Aoyagi has been Miyuki's guardian for three years now and he still catches himself going pspsps at her when he knows damn well she can't hear him. "You want the usual?"

"You know it," the old man says. "Hey. Where's that Siamese-lookin' one?"

"Luna? Uh..." Aoyagi starts lining up ingredients on the counter. Eggs, cheese, ham, sourdough bread. "Check under the tables n' stuff. She's been into feet lately."

"Heh. My kinda gal. Naw, the other one. The boy? Little fat one with the stubby tail?"

"Oh, Mochi! Yeah, he got adopted yesterday."

"No kiddin'? Good for him."

"His replacement oughta be around here somewhere..." Aoyagi sticks his head out of the kitchen and sees a big battle-scarred orange cat with big old tom jowls and a clipped ear and a bad case of resting grump face standing up with his paws on the old man's knee. "Yeah, the tough guy climbin' up on ya."

The old man reaches down to give the tough guy a scritch. The tough guy lets out a gravelly meow. If a cat could smoke a pack a day, that's what it'd sound like. "Thought he looked new. What's yer name, bud?"

"He ain't got one yet. We're callin' him 'Nyan-han' for now." Aoyagi goes back to work. "Hey! Yer gettin' decaf. Last time I gave ya the real shit the boss gave me an earful about yer blood pressure."

Aoyagi swears he can hear the old man roll his eyes as he folds a sheet of egg around a slice of cheese. "That was before the doc straightened my meds n' shit out. It'll be fine this time."

"Ojisan."

"The boys ain't let me have one minute of fun since '88." Aoyagi does not know exactly what happened in '88. He's heard bits of it, but the old man's always just sort of handwaved it off. He got hurt, from what Aoyagi gathers. Bad. Bad enough that he almost didn't make it, bad enough that he was never the same after. Aoyagi wonders, but can never quite bring himself to ask, exactly what he was like before. Then again, he probably doesn't need to. Sometimes the old man says something, or gets a look in his eye, or moves a certain way, and Aoyagi thinks maybe just for a second he can see the shadow of the hellraiser Homare Nishitani used to be. "And Yu-chan's the worst of 'em. Caffeinate me."

"The boys and the boss are just lookin' out for ya," Aoyagi says, firmly. "And so am I."

"Tch. Ya hearin' this shit, Nyan-han? Awright. C'mon up here." The old man pats his knee and Nyan-han hops up with another hoarse meow. His face is no less grumpy, but he's slow-blinking and making biscuits like his life depends on it. Probably purring his head off, too. "Heh. Grouchy li'l shit, ain't ya?"

"That's just how his face is." Aoyagi stacks the cheesy eggs onto buttered sourdough with a slice of ham and puts the whole thing back on the griddle to toast. "He looks mean as shit but he's a sweetheart."

"Heh." The old man goes on petting Nyan-han as Aoyagi loads up a tray with fresh fruit and a cup of kitty treats and a plate ready for the sandwich. He waits until the old man's full attention is on Nyan-han and quickly pours a cup of decaf. "Kinda reminds me of Majima-kun."

Aoyagi's eye twitches.

"You do too. More n' more every day."

Aoyagi flips the grilled sandwich onto the plate and cuts it in half, then carries the loaded tray out into the main room. He neatly sidesteps a massive tortie that tries to throw her entire body weight into Aoyagi's leg as he passes and sets the tray down on the old man's table. "I'm nothin' like him."

"Huh." Funny. Aoyagi would have expected him to have more to say about that. But he doesn't. Aoyagi just unloads the tray, and he just goes on petting Nyan-han until the tray is empty. And then he reaches into his jacket pocket, draws forth an obscenely thick wad of cash, and slaps it on the table. "Lock up."

"Haw!?"

"I'm buyin' ya out for the night. That's a thing with restaurants n' shit too, right?" The old man gestures towards the stack of money. Aoyagi guesstimates it would cover dinner, late night, and then some for his whole staff. "Give yer minions the night off. And then fix ya a plate n' sit down." He shrugs. "C'mon. I don't wanna eat alone."

"You're not eatin' alone, ojisan. Ya got ten cats out here with designs on yer ham."

"I want two-legged company that don't treat me like I'm gonna keel over n' die if I drink one cup of decent fuckin' coffee." He snorts out a humorless laugh. "I can't drink anymore. I can't smoke. I can't drive. I can't get it up half the time n' even when I can, I can't do a damn thing with it other than--"

"Awright! Awright! I'll do whatever ya want! Just don't finish that sentence!" He grabs a sign out from under the counter and hangs it in the front door: Closed for private event, will reopen at 11AM tomorrow. aPAWlogies for the inconveNYANce :3

"Attaboy," the old man chortles.

Aoyagi heats up a bacon cheddar scone while he calls his crew and tells them they've got the night off with pay. He cuts up his own little pile of fresh fruit and pours himself some coffee and once again makes his way through the gauntlet of friendly cats with a loaded tray. "I shouldn't be doin' this and you know it," he says as he sits down.

"Yeah, yeah." And right about that time, Miyuki finally turns around and sees her favorite customer. With a joyous earsplitting yell of the sort that only ever comes out of cats that can't hear themselves, she hops down from her perch and trots over to say hello. "Hey! There's my favorite girl. Oops." And he "accidentally" drops a sliver of ham on the floor in front of her.

"Dammit, ojisan." Aoyagi intercepts the ham and wads it up in a napkin before Miyuki can snarf it down.

"Aw, c'mon. Let her live."

"Last thing I need's my number one girl comin' down with the runs in a customer's lap tomorrow. Ya got a cup of kitty treats right there. Give her those."

"Awright, fine." Miyuki hops up into the old man's lap and snuggles up next to Nyan-han. Nyan-han leans over, licks her ear a few times, and goes to sleep. "Ya gave me decaf, ya little shit."

"How the fuck can you tell!?" Aoyagi splutters. "It tastes the same!"

"No it don't." The old man takes another sip and there's that gleam in his eye, the one that hints at the unholy terror he used to be. "Rest of me's goin' to shit but my tastebuds still work. Ya brew yer decaf stronger. Like ya think that's gonna make up for it."

"Tch. Nothin' gets past you, does it?"

"Eh. Not much does." The old man goes on eating his sandwich and feeding treats to the cats. "How long ya been with us now, Amano-kun? 'Bout three years?"

"Somethin' like that," Aoyagi says.

"Ya still that sore at him?"

"What's to be sore about?" Aoyagi takes a big bite of his scone in the hopes that it'll take long enough to chew that the old man will change the subject. He doesn't. "He just tried to kill me, is all. Nothin' to be sore about."

"Any particular reason ya asked Yu-chan to train ya with a blade?"

Shit, how does he... forget it. "Any particular reason ya won't let him look into why Majima called a hit on me?"

"Touché," the old man snorts. "Ya little shit. Like I said. More n' more every day. Get me a cup for the road, would ya? The good shit this time."

"Go to Matsubara on the way home n' leave me out of it."

"I'd drink garbage water straight outta the river before I drink Matsubara's shit. I like your coffee."

Aoyagi sighs. "Flattery will get ya everywhere, old man. Fine. I'll pour ya half a to-go cup but ya gotta tell the boss ya had to torture me for it." Which, given the turn their conversation took tonight, isn't that far from the truth.

"I'll tell him I snuck back n' poured my own while you were in the can."

"Deal."

The old man finishes up his dinner, gently deposits Miyuki and Nyan-han on the floor, and starts to haul himself out of his chair. Aoyagi offers him an arm. He waves it off. He always does. He's always determined to do as much as he can still do by himself, and Aoyagi can't really blame him. So he just pours half a to-go cup of regular coffee and hands it to him. "Torture," he says.

"Yeah, yeah. I ain't rattin' ya out. Hey, I bought ya out for the whole night. Get outta here. Go take a walk. Get you a hooker or a Nintendo or whatever you kids are into these days."

"Fuck's sake, ojisan." Aoyagi shakes his head. "Be careful headin' home."

"Yeah, yeah."

And with that, he's gone and Aoyagi is left alone with ten cats and a lot of thoughts he didn't want tonight.

[neganium]

Hey pspsps I want to maybe get smth to eat tonight and it's getting late (and therefore unlikely to actually be tonight, but still); if maybe somebody donates to my Ko-Fi (linked in bio) I can draw a quick thank you sketch?? if I get enough of these maybe they'll add up; they're not that hard anyways...

(my ko-fi is set to like, $3 a pop by default; idk if it'll let me change it without trying to take a cut out of my shit and at so low an amount I cannot afford to let them; with that being said this will affect general quality of the piece- I'm talkin small and scribbly here)

[can-childe-step-on-me]

Yaho~ Please join our server “Genshin for Crackheads” run by @xiaosclover​, @tonedeafbardehe​ and I! https://discord.gg/GG6fWYku

PSPSPS PRETTY BOY COME HOME

Xiao is a big fan of snow, so if you ask if you want to play with him in the snow he’ll accept

“Xiao! It’s snowing, do you want to play outside?”

“How does one play with snow?”

“Put on something warm! I’ll show you.”

Xiao isn’t one to play with his food, but seeing as you’re so excited, he’ll amuse himself with your cute shenanigans 

Now I don’t think Yakshas get cold or sick, but once he got snow in his underwear and he’s not suffering that again-

He’s literally so confused when you hit him with a snowball he probably thinks it’s a food fight

(Does he even know what food fights are?)

Anyhow, he has seen people make snowmen before, but he doesn’t see people throwing snowballs 

He just gives you an unamused b l i n k

You have to teach him how to make a snowball, it crumbles quite a few times

“There! You have to try and hit me with it now!”

“Oh, like this?” He hits you square in the stomach and you wheeze

His golden eyes glimmer with innocence and even though he has pinpoint accuracy, you have fun with him for a bit

Snow angels are a puzzle to him

“That’s not how angels look like?”

“Do you know what angels look like Xiao?”

“No, but I’m sure they don’t look like a blueberry squished by a car...”

“HEY, TRY AND MAKE A BETTER SNOW ANGEL!”

He succeeds, but he still doesn’t believe snow angels are a thing

Xiao looks in slight horror as you make a big snowball

“A-are you going to throw that at me!?”

“No, it’s a snow man!”

“Oh, I know what those are!” Happy bby

Xiao feels a little bit proud of himself when he helps out, his red tipped nose scrunched in concentration as he puts the head on

You bring out coal and hat and scarves, Xiao raises a brow at the scarves

“They’re made out of snow, why do they need protection from the cold? They’re literally the source of the cold. Humans and their strange traditions...”

He decorates the snowman either way, and his tense expression softens considerably 

You take a few pictures of the snowman before Xiao does something very strange

“Xiao, no, DON’T EAT THE SNOWMAN-“

Xiao thinks that carrots and snow are a pretty pog combination.

When you go back inside, he gets a little paranoid

He’s seen humans die from even the slightest of environmental imbalances so he makes you take a bath 

Even if you’re competent enough to dry your own hair, he’ll sit you down and do it for you

“Xiao, honey, don’t stress.”

“I’m not, I just want your hair to be dry so you’re not cold.”

“Can I get cuddles to ensure I’m not cold?” 

“...Fine.”

He can deny it all he wants, but Xiao gets so happy when you two cuddle he buries his face in your shoulders to hide a grin.

A whole cutie, we stan 

Would most definitely try snowball fights with Hu Tao, who would bring Chongyun and Xingqiu along

[f33itan]

Feitan, Shizuku, Hisoka Walking in on their S/O Painting!

pspsps, n/n means nickname!

Feitan

He was coming back from a mission at night and used one of the windows for entry. Silent as always, he walked to your guys' shared bedroom, but you weren't sleeping. A slight wave of fear smacked him in the face as bad thoughts of what might have happened to you waltzed into his head, but stopped when he heard the faint sound of you humming in your art room.

Peeking his head in from the hallway he saw you with your headphones on, pallet in one hand, and brush in the other. Your painting tonight was a city lit by nothing but streetlights and stars, and it looked absolutely beautiful.

Walking once again making no sound whatsoever, he sat in the nearest chair where he could watch you, silently and calmly. You hadn't noticed him yet, which he wanted to keep that way. Whenever this happened, he always enjoyed the quiet time. Occasionally you would bypass his presence and he cherished that. Being able to watch you from the shadows as you're one with your element and your paint and your canvas. Unfortunately though, everything must come to an end, and when you went to wash your brush you saw that your boyfriend had been sitting in a chair once again not making his presence known.

"Fei baby, why do you always do that? I don't mind you watching me paint you know."

"It.. nicer when, you not.. blabbing so, much."

"HEYY!!"

"Heh" You both walked to the bedroom sleepily, letting yourselves fall the moment the bed was in radius.

"Fei, what time is it?"

"2, 56, am."

"Shit, I've been painting since 8pm!"

"I can, see that. Your shirt, covered in, paint."

"Eh, I use this shirt when I paint so I don't dirty any other clothes."

"Makes, sense." Feitan drowsily wrapped an arm around your waist and buried his face in the crook of your neck, signaling he didn't wanna talk anymore, but neither did you. The both of you were just happy to be back in each other's arms, ready to clock out for the night.

Shizuku

Shizuku went out to pick up your guys' takeout while you stayed home and prepped the table.

It made you feel special that she never forgot anything about you. She remembered everything from your favorite movie to all of your your pet peeves, which honestly surprised you a lot.

The place you ordered from was rather out of the way, so you decided you'd pass the time by painting. Walking to your room and taking out the supplies needed, you headed back to the kitchen and laid your stuff out on the side of the table that wasn't being used. You got lost in your own world of mixing colors and brush strokes, so much so that you didn't even notice when your beloved girlfriend came back. She didn't mind this however, so she just placed the bag of food down and sat herself next to you.

"What are you painting today, n/n?"

"I'm painting a diner! Us ordering food gave me this idea, a diner with flowers all around, almost like it sprung out of nowhere with some nature to it! Roses on the walls and roof, wildflowers on the ground, and a nice blue sky to go with it."

"It looks really pretty!"

" Thanks, Shizu. Wanna go eat now?"

"Yeah. Oh hey, I got a good idea! What if we paint together after we're done!"

"Sounds like a plan!"

Hisoka

"Hmm, I wonder what my dearest y/n is doing~"

"Huh?"

"Oh, Illu, I'll call you back."

"Very well."

----------------------

"Y/n, what are you doing today?" Hisoka strutted into the room, smile fading when no response was heard, but coming back when he saw you painting. He found your brush strokes exquisite and the way you focused so intriguing. Walking over towards you and placing an arm around your shoulder, he watched your hands closely, with a warm smile plastered on his face.

"My dear-"

"AH! SHIT HISO YOU SCARED ME!" He chuckled at your response and studied your painting.

"What are you painting love? It looks wonderful."

"Well, I was painting a circus. It was supposed to be a surprise for you but..." He picked you up out of your seat and engulfed you into a light hearted embrace.

"Ah, my dearest, whether it be surprise or not, I'll love anything you make for me. Not as much as I love you, of course." You got a bit of paint left on your finger and swiped some on his nose and your own.

"I'm aware of how much you love me Hiso, I love you too."

[kookie-doughs]

Beta Tester

Kozume Kenma X Reader

-YN LN is a popular mangaka

Chapter 14: Drubk

With everyone who took part in the bet waltzing towards the buffet table you were left alone with strangers.

As awkward as it is being stuck in this situation you couldn't be bothered as you've almost won 500 bucks.

"Not slowing down at all huh?" Atsumu smirked.

"Not until I get that 500 bucks, nu-uh." You replied downing your glass.

You've halfed your 2nd bottle already. The stooges had gone to find the largest champagne they could for your third and last.

As far as they know... You don't show slightest bit of drunken actions or slurs. Not that you do those. Like what Tendou and Akaashi said, when you're drunk you do something stupid once.

"I worry about you. Too much alcohol is said to be incredibly bad for one's health."

"I heard alcohol makes you fat..."

"Slow down a bit YN-San."

"I shouldn't have went here if you'll just barf everywhere."

The worried replies of the volleyball players(minus Atsumu) was ignored as you poured your last drop of your 2nd champagne bottle.

"Fucking hell... Those Lil shits better bring me my last one. Momma needs a new tablet!!"

Finally downing your last glass you stood up. Stretching you went to the tables on your left.

"Mr. Jisei, right?" You asked the man with messy black hair and petting a cat. He smiled seeing you and gave his cat to the girl beside him who sighed. The long haired male beside her started sneezing.

"Ms. L/N, congratulations to your game. The investment that Sakujo had begged was indeed worth it." He smiled.

The thought of Sakujo begging this man was permanent in your mind, good and bad reasons.

"I'm glad you think so." You nodded. "Jinko, it's nice to see you again."

"Likewise Y/N! By the way, this is Heiwa my wife!" She grinned pulling the girl with the cat beside her. The cat hopped from Heiwa and landed on the Korean male.

It was a mess, that you chose to get away from. With the silver haired actor's ruckus, you figured it's a hint to get away from them. And thought of food.

Greeting some people and thanking them for the "congratulations" they've said, you went back to your now empty table. Setting down the food you've gathered you sat alone at your table and started eating.

"Lonely..." You pouted.

Standing up you turned to the table on your right. Kenma, Goshiki's date and Kuroo's date were the only ones that remained at the table. Seeing the free spot beside Kenma, you brought your plate and sat beside him.

Kenma was hunched over focused on a game, most likey to be PPM. Feeling your pressence he turned to face you and grimaced.

Flipping Kenma off, you faced the two women. "Hey! I'm Y/N! I hope the party's to your liking!"

"Alisa Haiba, I came with Kuroo." The long haired girl smiled. "This is great! The food is amazing!"

"I know! Goshiki got seconds!" The other girl exclaimed. "I'm Maiko by the way! Maiko Yonezawa, I came with Goshiki."

You sighed and leaned on Kenma who pushed you away with a scowl.

"I came with this hermit." You frowned poking him.

"Y/N!!!" Kuroo came back holding three trays of food. "They have desserts! A lot! Holy shit this is the best place!"

"For me?" Alisa's eyes shown at the plates Kuroo held. "Hell no. Get your own. You got two hands don't you?" Alisa's face dropped. "Your date is also eating flounder at the buffet table not bothering to get out of there."

The two girls sighed and stood up to leave.

Kuroo winked at me, "I want desserts!"

Kenma glared at the rooster. "You haven't eaten your food yet."

"Your point?" He stood up and left.

Seeing that you were alone with Kenma you flopped beside him. "Kenmaaaaa..."

"Shut up."

"Kenmaaaaaaaaa..." Pulling him closer to you and making sure he won't be able to escape your grasp no matter how much he strugged.

With a frown he turned to you. "Let me go." He hissed.

"Pspsps..." You whispered petting his head.

"What the fuck? Stop it." He tried swating your hand away but failed. "Let me go! Stop it's annoying! Are you drunk or something?"

"No I am not drunk. I only drank champange you can't even smell a drop of alcohol from me, I am perfectly sober."

"Then let me go."

"You can still play..."

"No I can't let me go or I'll break your arms." He glared.

Looking at him you smirked. "You're cute when you're annoyed.

Without thinking you leaned closer and... "Chuu~~!" You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer, his soft lips against yours. After a few minutes you pulled away proud of yourself.

Kenma sat there a frozen at his spot. His face slowly started heating up.

He stood up and left without words.

"Kenma not again!" With a groan you flopped on the table. "Friking...Pudding..."

"You ready for bottle 3?!" You turned behind and saw the friends who left you holding a champange bottle at least 2 liters large.

"Bring it bitch!" You smirked.

Sakujo set down a glass and Tendou poured.

"I wonder what stupid thing she'll do."

"I bet it's tea so hot that the media would want to buy it.

~

You've drank about 1/4 of your bottle. Kenma hadn't return since he left 30 minutes or so ago. As you were about to drink your glass. The sight and memory of Kenma and your kiss came. You spit out your drink at the now very disgusted Akaashi.

"What the fuck?" They all asked you.

With your face so red you ran to the bathroom.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Fuuuuuckkkkkkk meeeeee!! I can't write UwU.

Shit keeps getting worse. I'm just trying to get to the romance fast lmao

Who gon take u hom noe?

Guess ur walkin

-kookie-doughs

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @synx-ed @normalisthenewnorm @0majuh0 @leachann @nikanikabitch @almondeupeach @immxnty @mer-majesty @yamayoomi @simpingoveranime-men @lostmarimoismyhubby @mariishat

[yanderes-stuff]

pspsps....firebrand yandera

Mmmm yes lonely fire God goes mental just 

to have you in his arms again I love it

Words:1,841

TW: Cussing, murder, kidnapping and also yandere stuff and LOTS of grammar errors

P.S this is probably the last fanfic I'll do that includes Noah Maxwell

Also, I got a head cannon that Firebrand can have inky tentacles out his back at will 

"Hey, hothead wanna hear something fucking infuriating," HABIT questioned the man towering in front of him which already seemed infuriated from the man's presence.

"Piss off and go bother someone else for the love of God." the shadow-man spat back glaring daggers at the shorter man, which just made HABIT cackle in amusement to him

"It's about your weird-ass obsession with your long-lost best friend," HABIT informed him in a ridiculing tone to capture his attention which was a success by the way Firebrand perked up at this.

A long time ago before Noah became a God he recalled kidnapping you in a snowy winter from your house before that Noah was planning to ask you to come over for dinner Which you gladly accepted following that he came over and you made pleasant conversation with him

discussing childhood memories on the sofa about how you, him, and Milo being the best of buddies but when you brought up how you were sad for drifting away from Milo he seemed miserable when you asked him what's wrong he admitted that Milo overdosed

To say you were horrified was an understatement you apologized for bringing up such a traumatic event to Noah which he excused and changed the subject

But your conversation was interrupted by the beeping of the oven signaling the dinner was ready and so you got up and started preparing the dinner which gave Noah the perfect time slot to slip a drug into the beverage you set on the table 

You clutched your glass and told him dinner was ready so you both seated yourselves and continued your conversation whilst eating some steak, and potatoes but suddenly you were more and more drowsy as the conversation progressed

 With your head hanging low in exhaustion until finally with a small thud your upper body hit the dining surface giving a sign to Noah that it's time to flee the area and go home

He cheerfully settled you in his bed in the house surrounded by the snowy woods he selected winter to abduct you since you wouldn't bother escaping the logic being

 You would surely freeze to death if you even attempted, giving you enough time to start your Stockholm syndrome for him, and also a chance to enjoy the winter holiday with each other.

But alas 3 weeks into late January long since the snow settled you managed to find a paperclip that was disguised burrowed in the carpet floor and successfully utilized it to pick the lock Noah put on your window and my God once you were running you never stopped out of fear until you knew your safe

Much to Noah's dismay, but despite that he swore to one day find you, and this time he'll be sure you won't have a chance to leave but once he hunted out for you, the collective found him once again making him their victim to torment...which leads him to now 

"This better be good." Firebrand was trying to hide his interest in what HABIT was about to say hoping you weren't dead by his hands but the shorter man just gave him a sly smirk and composed himself 

"Wellllllll...I remember how you said you knew where she used to live." HABIT said with great confidence

"I threatened the landlord to kill him and his entire family if he didn't give me her moving notice and if he told [Name.] So he gave me the new address."  He sounded so pleased with himself the fucker might've just proven to be useful 

"But that's not all, once I found her neighborhood I googled it and found the neighborhood's social media, in which pictures of her were posted…but not just her." He emphasized the word not. while explaining his efforts to him still with that sick smile

"She had a wedding ring in her posts and mentions some guy's name...what was it again." He was teasing him at this point stroking his chin while doing it

"Spit his name the fuck out." Firebrand demanded already weaving a plan in his mind on what he was going to do when he kidnapped you.

"It's Connor I'll cut you a deal, you let me kill him with free creative means while you kidnap [Name.] Deal?" Not even taking a moment to consider the man already made up his mind

"It's a deal." Firebrand approved now his objective has been set and he was trying to hold back his excitement to see you again.

The day following after that 

"Hey, Connor I'm out to do errands sweetheart I'll be back later tonight." You proclaimed to Connor who was relaxing on the couch watching T.V 

"Okay got it," Connor replied to focused on the T.V to pay attention to your words little did he know of the two men that broke in and are lurking in the living room closet 

As soon as they were sure you drove off they both stepped out of the space and HABIT set foot in Connors direction with purple duct tape in hand while Firebrand waited patiently for him  

As soon as HABIT was behind him he snaked his hand over Connors's hands pinning him while grabbed his tape with the other hand as Connor wiggled to get free HABIT was wrapping both his arms in tape

Firebrand finally stepped out while walking towards the scene in front of him flashing a malicious grin on his face he needed to know why his life would be coming to a bitter painful end 

"Look asshole this is for the best, I'm only doing this because she's mine and mine alone." Completely ignoring Connors's fearful look "All I want is her. All I ever wanted was her and I can't lose her to your dumbass. So here we are." Firebrand continues a cold look plastered on his face 

"I told him he could kill you any way he wants while I take [Name.] Back home where she belongs." Firebrand was visibly eager despite his cold look he just couldn't wait to see you

HABIT smirked at Firebrands words and carried the screaming restrained man to the basement to proceed with his work while Firebrand watched him descend the basement stairs 

When he was out of his sight he started to prepare his confrontation with you, readying a tea kettle on the stove and heating it till it made that easily recognized whistle

 While the echo of Connors screams was slowly drowned out by both the kettle and his painfully slow demise coming to an end as HABIT was most likely cleaning up the body now as Firebrand waited in the corner of the kitchen next to the door frame

As you finally walked in carrying the days work on your shoulders the house was oddly silent besides the whistle of a kettle Connor must've made tea for you and him while you were gone 

You shouted his name in hopes of some kind of response back only to be met with the same hissing...maybe he didn't hear you but when you got closer to the kitchen the sizzle came to a sudden halt

You waltzed into the kitchen only to be tackled by a bizarre-looking individual who had pinned your arms down on the floor and was straddled on top of your body you immediately started struggling to break free but upon your closer inspection of the man

He seemed to be completely jet black with inky tendrils coming out of his back to add to that his expression with pinpoint eyes and a demented smirk that seems to be getting wider by the second and a gold chain adorning his neck, he seemed oddly familiar 

"Who are you? What are you? stay away from me!" You shouted squirming in his grip you were trying to kick him off but he was easily overpowering you without breaking a sweat despite your best efforts 

"You really don't fucking remember me?" He seemed pained by your words his smile now turning into a light frown while his eyes bore into yours 

Regardless of your trembling, you examined his figure, and then you instantly recognized him "N-Noah?"

His face lit up at the sound of his name being said. so you do remember him! "Of course you remember! how could I have ever doubted you." He muttered enthusiastically "But the name's Firebrand now." He added

"Please...I don't want anything to do with you, not after the things you did to me." You told him trying not to waver your voice 

His face immediately transformed from enthusiasm to an upset expression as the words processed in his mind as the room became dreadful and uneasy. It was already getting hard for you to breathe especially when you were trying not to have a mental breakdown in front of him then he begins to chuckle which grabs your attention 

"Your pleads are so cute like anything could get you out of this." He confesses casually as he continued "I didn't think you would say that so quickly." The brunet was starting to laugh maniacally now which disturbed you further 

"You're probably still shocked and scared but luckily for you, I have just the thing for that." He whispered the last part to himself while smiling whilst you on the other hand had your heart was beating faster than ever before 

He arranged both your arms together over your head and wrapped his humid sticky tendril around your wrist while he pulled a syringe with a unique liquid from his pocket and put a hand over your mouth to smother your commotions

He searched for the best place to insert it feeling around your neck with his warm rough fingers and in a matter of seconds you felt the prick of your skin and your world succumbed to darkness 

You woke up in an unfamiliar room tied up with duct tape your mind was foggy and you couldn't think straight you tried to move but to no avail just then you saw a figure move in the corner of your eye which only made your movements more frantic 

The figure shifted to be closer to the bed you were in until he was at the foot of the bed you felt a smooth tentacle wrap around your neck 

"Hey, sweetheart did you miss me cause I really missed you." He couldn't believe you were all his again but my God was glad about it but one thing is for certain

This time he was going to be sure you would accept his demented affection

[nic-mccool]

Rumi (part 2)

“‘Social distancing’ is such a funny term to me,” I said to my wife’s little sister as I passed the pipe to her.

“Why, what about it?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, “It just seems like… like something you do when you’re not getting along with people. I’ve had enough of you hoes, I’m distancing myself from you. Socially.”

“Yeah it doesn’t really sound like a health issue. Sounds like something my quirky introverted teenage self would have said.”

“I’m not unpopular, I’m just practicing social distancing.”

Our giggles were interrupted by Rumi’s characteristic meow.

“Does that sound like it’s in our yard to you?” I asked.

“He’s on the fence,” she replied.

“No way, you can see him?”

“Just his eyes.”

“Fuck, I’m not wearing my glasses.”

He meowed again, urgently.

“Rumi!” I called, “Pspsps!”

And he came bounding into the light.

“Didn’t think that would work,” I murmured, “Hey buddy.”

I reached out for him and he pulled back.

“Right, right, right, no touching,” I said, “Wouldn’t want to spread coronavirus to your other family.”

He blinked slowly at us.

“Well are you gonna come up here or just keep staring at us?” I said.

“C’mere Rumi, c’mere,” my sister-in-law said.

We sat very still and silent. Rumi reluctantly approached the front steps, sniffing suspiciously, before rubbing his whole flank along my sister’s leg.

We stared at each other, gaping, but not daring to move or make a sound. He made his way over to me and I resisted the urge to pet him as he rubbed up against my arm.

“Hi baby,” I whispered, and he chirped.

“Good boy.”

“What have you been up to, huh?” I said, “Eat any tasty mice lately? Caught any birds?”

“Catching corvids while we’re catching COVID?”

I had to resist the urge to let out a raucous laugh.

“That was good,” I told my sister, stifling giggles.

“How long does corona stay on cat fur?”

I pulled out my phone while Rumi just sat with us, hanging out like before.

“Well the internet says it’s not really an issue,” I said, “It survives best on smooth surfaces, like steel and plastic.” “He’s pretty smooth. You’re a smooth boy,” my little sister cooed at Rumi.

“This article says he’s porous.”

“Don’t listen to that Rumi, you’re beautiful.”

We reached out our hands and he reluctantly pushed his head against them. Soon we were petting him--something we hadn’t managed for many months. As long as we were slow and gentle.

“What if I just…” I whispered, staying as still as possible for a moment before gently pushing the front door open.

He scrambled back a few steps before becoming very still. Something inside had caught his attention. I peered through the crack to see Beatrice.

“We should close the door so she doesn’t get out,” my sister suggested.

“Well maybe she’ll help him feel comfortable,” I said, “She always protected him. She probably misses him.”

They stared at one another for a long long while before she approached. Then Beatrice poked her head outside and skirted around the stairs. Keeping her distance. Rumi remained on the middle step. Beatrice sat at the foot of the stairs, patient and relaxed. She took a step forward, earning a hiss from Rumi.

“What the fuck?” my sister murmured.

“What is he doing?”

Beatrice stepped back. She looked away, blinked at him, stepped forward again, and again he hissed. She looked at me, then at my sister, then back at him. She stepped forward, and he hissed. Over and over she tried.

“What the fuck is happening,” I breathed.

“Are we watching a soap?”

Eventually Rumi ran off. She watched him go for a long, long while before making her way back up the stairs and into the house. With one paw across the threshold she paused and turned her head over her shoulder before giving up the endeavor.

“That was the most tense moment I’ve ever experienced,” my sister said.

“Clearly they have some… issues.”

We called out to Rumi a few times. He didn’t come back. Resigned, my sister and I turned in for the evening.