#providing context to a few vent posts of the past

[damnfandomproblems]

This is literally just an observation and not anything serious but as someone who’s been following this blog for years now this whole thing of people responding to and debating about submissions on anon feels like it kinda came out of nowhere?? Like I swear this didn’t used to happen, and if it did it was always very minuscule. Like maybe I was just missing it or something but it feels like it really began to become a thing over the past like year or so. And I just kind of wonder where this came from and why it started??? In the past it always felt like if a person wanted to debate a submission they would just do that on the original submission- not on anon? Like I said it’s not anything serious, if that’s how people want to use the blog then that’s how they want to use it but, unless I was just hilariously oblivious, it’s a change I noticed that I struggle to wrap my head around

I think it started a few years back when one person made a submission that specifically referenced an earlier problem, it wasn't technically against any rules so there wasn't really a problem with it being allowed to post, but others saw it and went "oh, I didn't know we could do that" and would send more in a similar way. To the point it became sort of a fixture on the blog.

These used to be treated as a Problem submission, with its own number and image and everything. Because of the time it takes from submission to posting though, this could mean that a single argument is dragged out over weeks or months, and because until this year only two posts were going up per day, the influx of "response" submissions were starting to hold up new submissions, and the blog founder eventually switched to just replying to the asks to get them to post.

Another possible contributing factor is the increase in posts per day- as said, it used to only be two posts a day, and over the last year we've been gradually increasing that in an effort to get caught up with the amount of submissions. So what goes up in one day now is almost a week's worth back then, so the controversial submissions are closer together than they were before.

I do worry that it technically changes the context of the blog from a venting blog to a discourse-focused blog. But I do think interesting discussions can emerge from it as well, and I like that it provides a reason to return to the blog outside of scheduled queue hours.

[vashsuggestions]

Hi Vash! I hope you're doing well. I'm not sure how to phrase this request properly, but I'll just provide context to give you somewhat of an idea:

My mother is flying overseas to visit my father for a month. As the only daughter of the family, almost all the responsibilities of maintaining the house falls on my shoulders. This includes the cleaning, cooking for five, feeding the chickens, taking care of the garden, taking care of my bedridden grandmother ALONG WITH dealing with my first semester at uni.

DO KEEP IN MIND (and i can't stress this enough) that my mother isn't neglecting me or overworking me on purpose or anything like that. A lot of this shit happened after my father got her visa and booked the flight for her. Plus my brother and I really, really wanted her to take a vacation. (She always carries the housework alone)

Initially I didn't have that much on my plate and my aunts were also coming over to lighten the load, but something came up on their end and they can't come.

ON TOP OF THAT (ik, jesus..) my paranoid ass REFUSES to let my mother go to another city and stay at an airport for HOURS alone when it is her first time. So yes, i'm willing to take an 6 hour ride to the airport, stay there until 3 am and take a six hour ride back home on the same day as my classes... (yay). My mother's flight is this week.

I am 17. My brother and I are, simply put, spoiled brats that have never been left unsupervised for over a week. And my two uncles who stay at my place (tho I love them very much) are LAZY AS SHIT. I also have executive dysfunction, chronic migraines and alot of memory issues. (There's some underlying mental health issue there i can't tell)

So in short, i'm fucked. Really fucked. And ik this is a very odd request to give advice on, so some words of support from my comfort character would mean the entire world for me.

Am I whining about this and stressing out for no reason? Most probably. So, you're not obligated to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable in any way cuz this is essentially a vent post.

This franchise is all I've been thinking about for the past 5 months, and I'm glad you decided to open asks. A few minutes of your time to make a post every day means a lot to many people.

Congrats on reaching a 100 followers! Love and Peace! <3<3<3<3

Wow, friend! Sounds like you have A LOT of work ahead of you! I'm sure it's not easy carrying all of that on your own, especially while you're also trying to do things for yourself.

I'm glad you're doing your best to help your family out, and that you're trying to take care of your mother. YOU ARE NOT WHINING! This is a lot for anyone to figure out and do! Feel how you need to feel about it, but remember that all of this stress will eventually pass and you'll be able to relax a bit more soon!

If you're able too, try to reach out to some friends that might be able to help while your mother is away! It makes the time pass quicker and may help you feel less stressed. I know it can be HARD to reach out for help sometimes, ESPECIALLY if you may feel like you don't deserve it, but I want to promise you that YOU DO DESERVE IT! Maybe you could also reach out to your professors as well, if you need help keeping up with coursework!

If you aren't able to find any extra help, well, that's okay too! Just remember that things will eventually turn out okay! Keep a schedule if you think that might help with chores, and take some time for yourself when you can. It will be okay, and this stress will only be for a short while. I know it's a lot, but you're doing great already.

LOVE and PEACE!

[novafire-is-thinking]

BYF / BYI

(because this post is meant to be a road sign and not a solid wall like a DNI post)

Welcome, potential friends and foes, to my space station of a Tumblr.

You can call me Novafire, or Nova for short.

I question the effectiveness of long intro posts, so here’s a summary:

My way of navigating life on this site aligns pretty well with True Neutral. But in true neutral fashion, it’s not a strict code I adhere to. It just means:

My own interests take priority, but I try to be kind as it makes things easier for everyone involved.

I have the courage of an ostrich mixed with the wits and confidence of a crow. (i.e. I suffer from a lack of conviction in all but a handful of things, but I’m willing to learn.)

I tend to evaluate things on a case-by-case basis.

I will not bite unless I see the need for preemptive action or if someone bites first. And even then, I’m more likely to ignore stuff since I just can’t be bothered to retaliate.

More details below:

What to expect:

I scan and monitor every Tumblr that follows me until I’ve gotten a good read on them. Blank blogs are fine as long as I can see they’ve either followed other TF accounts or have liked+reblogged TF content recently.

My blog is SFW for the most part, but NSFW accounts are free to follow and interact.

I rarely follow accounts that aren’t primarily Transformers-focused, but I reblog from anywhere and everywhere.

Communication:

I use tone tags for convenience, but they’re not necessary if someone wants to interact with me.

My inbox is open, but I disable anonymous asks every now and then when I expect issues.

DMs are open, but my response time varies depending on whether or not my proverbial stars have aligned and how well I know someone.

Please, no venting to me without warning. I may know a lot about the human mind and psychological and social dynamics, but I have no desire to play armchair therapist.

Triggers and how I accomodate:

If you need something tagged, let me know :) Anything asked of me earnestly will be granted.

I have very few triggers myself, and the ones I do have don’t require mentioning since I just scroll past stuff that bothers me.

If I reblog something from someone, it doesn’t mean I’m married to them. 95% of the time I reblog, I don’t consider the source. To me, good content is good content. However, if you alert me to something and respectfully request that I not reblog from a particular user, I will comply since I don’t want issues.

My relationship with my followers:

I am not responsible for the behavior of my followers. I carefully consider what I say so as not to incite drama or allow for my words to be taken out of context. However, I’m not perfect and my followers have wills of their own.

I am not responsible for anything any of my followers reblog on your posts. Do not expect me to moderate this.

Unlike some around these parts, I do not consider there to be such a thing as “Nova Nation” or anything along those lines. My followers are not my disciples, even jokingly. They are not necessarily a direct reflection of me or my views.

My relationship with characters:

If you see me kinning a character you’d consider problematic, please don’t jump to conclusions. More than likely, there are just one or several isolated traits I relate to.

I admit I have a fascination with and a love for IDW Prowl. However, please note that I do not consider him to be a “good person.” I just think the way his mind works is really interesting. And no, I’m not a JazzProwl or TaraProwl shipper.

I do not believe in excessive woobification of characters without acknowledgment of their faults, especially those like IDW Prowl. Yes, I want to wrap him in a blanket. No, I’m not blind to the horrors he’s committed.

I avoid character “tribalism” as much as possible. When it comes to any character, I will never shove my opinions down another’s throat, but I will absolutely provide thoroughly considered opinions in a controlled way.

I’m not a hardcore shipper myself, but I have a select few I like. I also respect most other ships out there.

Miscellaneous:

I make spam posting a habit. I’ll disappear for half a day to three days and then appear out of nowhere to drop 20+ reblogs at once.

I talk in the tags. A lot. :P

Spam likes and reblogs are more than welcome.

Feel free to tag me in stuff at any time! There’s no need to wait until we’re mutuals.

If you tag me in something and I don’t acknowledge it within a couple of days, please DM me. Tumblr is a stupid cat that likes to eat tags and reblogs. >:(

This is where you’ll find my playlists, moodboards, character ref collection, etc.

last updated: 11/16/23 (section updated: My relationship with characters)

[turnipstewdios]

Trans healthcare is Bullsh*t

Long vent post, cause I'm mad and need to release the feelings back into their natural habitat. Had less than two weeks to go before the hysterectomy I've been trying to get for almost five years, and insurance has denied my appeal. Again. Very clearly for the last time. The rejection letter deemed the surgery "Not medically necessary" and with the context of past interactions I don't think I could have heard the "Fuck off looser" more clearly if someone had told me in person. My first appointment for this surgery was in June, and I had already been waiting for years at that point. I thought had been very careful to get everything set up, and get all my letters of referral and paperwork strait before hand. Except my insurance specifically apparently had a whole extra qualification for this surgery, that does not apply to anyone else in my state, and that no one told me about because the provider I've been going through for my care has never had anyone bring up that requirement before. That being that I needed to have been seeing a therapist specifically for my gender dysphoria for at least 12 months before hand. So. Had to cancel my appointment for that. The new surgery date I got moved things for enough out that my two letters of referral for reproductive surgery, which have to be less than a year old, expired. For the third time. But that gave me a chance to try and fudge the therapist thing. I went back to the same therapists who gave me the letters last year, exactly one year after my last appointment, and they signed off that I'd been seeing them for 12 months. So we turned that in and filed an appeal. That's where it started getting really, really obvious that my insurance was bullshitting us. I currently make just barely too much money to qualify for my state's government insurance plan. (which sucks because Oregon state insurance actually covers transgender care.) But I don't have enough money to pay for my own insurance. I've been on a family plan from my parents. In fact I specifically moved back in with my parents so I would be covered by it. But I age out on my next birthday, which is January 10th. So it's become increasingly obvious over the last few months that insurance was just stalling for time until they didn't have to deal with me anymore. After I turned in the appeal with evidence that I'd been seeing a mental health provider for 12 months, along with my new letters of referral, I didn't hear back from them. Got to within a week of surgery. Contacted surgery scheduling, and they said I hadn't been approved. Contacted my rep. Apparently, they had never received any appeal letters. That was bull crap, btw, because when we re-scheduled things again, and me, my provider, and my rep all made absolutely sure to send things through the proper channels, the exact same thing happened a second time. And at that point it was late October, and the next appointment was Dec 4th. So we re-appealed. Again. My rep sent stuff up the chain directly, and made sure it got to the people who needed to see it. I was assured that I would have an answer within the week. Three weeks ago. Yesterday, I called my rep to check on things, and she read out my final rejection letter. So. Even if I had time to reschedule again before I age out in a month and a half, it's clearly just not happening on this plan. I'd already started looking for other insurance, but even if I find one I can afford that covers trans care, it will take long enough I'll have to renew all my letters again. The thing that really makes me mad about this is the wording of the rejection. "Not medically necessary." Because I've already had top surgery.

My insurance paid for the large, expensive, invasive, purely cosmetic breast surgery with high risk of complications without throwing a single wrench in things. But a minimally invasive reproductive surgery? When I have a history of painful cramping, irregular periods every 10 to 20 days, and bleeding so heavy and so often I suffer from mild blood loss if my weight dips below 175? When I am literally choosing not to loose weight so I don't constantly pass out, and have been doing so since my mid teens? When I have a family history of cervical or uterine cancer? Oh noooo. We cant have that. It's not medically necessary.

[only-by-the-stars]

So, a bit of context here. My first instinct when I see someone feeling sad is to try and talk to them, reassure them, and see if I can make them feel better. However, in the past, I've learned that this isn't always the best approach. Sometimes people are really hurt and just see your words as empty, and sometimes you accidentally make them spiral harder by sending them down a mental track they weren't originally on, and sometimes they just want to be listened to, not talked to.

You can probably guess that this ask was motivated by a few of your earlier posts, but I figured it would be the most courteous for me to ask directly so that I don't step on your toes. Do you want me to try and send you support when you're feeling sad, or would you prefer to just vent it and move on?

I don't know if this is overstepping. I genuinely apologize if it is. I promise that I just wanna try and be there to provide support in some way, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to do it and rein in my natural tendencies to get all "Oh everything's gonna be ok" and such. I like to try and give people the help I often wish for. It's fulfilling.

You can answer privately or publicly or just not answer at all, I don't mind. If I don't get a response I'm just going to take that as a cue to step back and listen instead of speak. Hope you can find a little thing to make you happy today at least.

I honestly don't know? I'm sorry, I know that's not a very good answer. ;w; but that you are kind enough to want to help is enough, I think. thank you. <3

[fandomsoda]

Let's play a game! Spot the difference!

Look at the replies in these two posts.

https://www.tumblr.com/a-god-selfmade/735285489689608192/you-ever-apologize-and-then-get-absolutely?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/largefound/734626740408893440/announcement-related-with-the-vent?source=share

What's something they have in common? You.

What's something they don't they have in common? You being a decent human being who can feel for others.

Before you attack an innocent person again, Largefound did not send me.

First, you completely ignore people trying to help you keep safe from Skeletal. You were told things about him, with proof, but you're blinded by favoritism.

Secondly, take a minute to breathe. Emotions are weird, I know, but you can at least take a little snack break instead of just immediately yelling at people about emotions you haven't processed.

For once, can childish people like you and Skeletal not fuck things up? I've sent you both asks before, being polite, but I don't have fucking time for that anymore. Fuck you and Skeletal for being such attention whores.

Get your unloyal ass off social media, you fake ass bitch. This is meant to be somewhere safe, don't fuck it up.

I was going to ignore/delete this one just like all your other asks, but I know from experience that you will only continue to harass me and will use my silence against me, so I will respond.

Long post ahead boys, strap in.

Ok so I’ll start with addressing the replies, since that’s the most genuine thing in this ask.

The second link you provided shows a reply I left 1-2 weeks ago and genuinely meant and still mean. I genuinely wish Large well, and as far as I am concerned we are cool.

The first one listed was made a few days ago very early in the morning and was made impulsively. My emotions got disregulated and so I assumed the worst. I am not proud of this comment and I would have deleted it if I had remembered it existed. Not to “cover my tracks” or any shit like that, but because that statement was genuinely hasty, unkind, and inconsiderate of me to make. And I regret it.

I actively want to move on and be cool with Large, I have reconciled my own anger and all the miscommunication from past events. I do not hold whatever happened here against them as that would be ridiculous for me to do considering I don’t actually know what happened and was just going off of Skeletal’s tags. I wasn’t gonna start a problem over this because that would just be shitty of me and make things worse.

One of these comments was absolutely wrong to make and doesn’t reflect my true feelings, but it doesn’t mean I somehow am not a decent human being or can’t feel for others, nor does it somehow prove me as “fake”. People feel differently about the same thing at different points in time depending on mindset and context.

Now allow me to tear into all your other statements/points because as far as I’m concerned the rest of this is bull.

Firstly I know damn well that Large didn’t send you because I know that Large is not ok with harassment and shit like this, several times offering to make posts to tell people like you to leave me alone. Also you say “again” and I’m not sure what you’re referring to, I don’t believe I’ve ever directly accosted someone about an ask I received on their behalf. Nor do I believe that you actually know anything about how this situation played out between the parties involved considering most of it was in private conversations.

Now let’s talk about Skeletal because y’all are really fucking disconnected on this one. (I say y’all because I know it’s not just you under these false beliefs)

Let me start off my saying your claims are just flat-out wrong. But let me elaborate on why. Firstly let me say that you actually never did give me proof, but I did see you give “proof” to someone else and it’s all garbage.

“Oh this person’s friend who is in the same/a similar age group, identity, and arts class sounds similar to them and has similar hobbies? That must mean they’re the same person and this friend isn’t real!”

Do you have any fucking idea how ridiculous that is.

I honesty will not believe you until you have like. Actual visual evidence of him planning to do this or whatever.

And as someone who was keeping tabs on Skeletal a lot beforehand and was there to watch their entire reaction to the situation unfold, it would make no logical sense for him to have done this.

They took the rejection pretty well all things considered and were behaving very stably before that happened. Skeletal was actively moving on and growing and showed no true resentment nor hostility towards Tundra about this.

And when I caught wind of the situation, I actually was very afraid that he had been responsible for this. I left void a bunch of messages out of worry, and when he got on that day his initial response was intense confusion and having no idea what I was talking about, with me soon being able to explain and say who was responsible. I watched him confront them. Skeletal still cared about Tundra, even after everything and it showed.

Until Tundra somehow managed to do a bunch of mental gymnastics and convince herself of this and you along with her.

But I know my son, I’ve talked to him about this whole situation several times, I’ve shown him your asks and accusations, and I am convinced that he isn’t capable of this. It isn’t impossible, but it’s highly unlikely and if it is true I will have been lied to over and over again to my face, I will be fucking devastated. But I don’t think it is. Because I don’t believe he’s capable of that.

I don’t need to be protected from Skeletal.

Now let me just go over the rest of this because wow-

It’s really amusing that you call me and Skeletal “attention whores” when we have been ACTIVELY AVOIDING/IGNORING YOU and have been trying to resolve our own damn personal issues calmly, responsibly, and privately. We want to move on, we want to put this to rest.

You are the one constantly begging for us to respond to you and pay attention to you and you’re the one being loud and immature. You are the only person keeping this shit going.

And you going from saying “I understand feelings can be hard” to calling me a “fake ass bitch” not three paragraphs later is downright comical honestly like what the hell dude-

I am not stirring up issues, I am not making this place more unsafe, I am just trying to live my life and you are the one showing up to hurl insults at me and antagonize me. You have not been polite, all of your asks have come off as underhanded and petty.

The people you’re trying to defend would NEVER approve of your behavior right now and they do not agree with you. Please relax.

This is also like. None of your business. That’s why I’ve avoided addressing you directly for so long, it’s because this isn’t you nor anyone else’s business. You are not involved, this is not your place.

You’ve been obsessing about me for what might be over a month now. That is not healthy. And I know that can’t feel good either. I know that rage, that anguish, that sickly cycle of thinking about that person several times a day. I know the feeling where the fact that you can’t speak to them directly causes you to start to construct a monster in your mind, how you start to subconsciously dehumanize them. I know that hatred, that grudge. And I hope you manage to let it go, let your malice melt away and reason take hold once more. Because holding grudges like that is painful and it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Despite all of this I still do wish you the best. “The best” being that you get out of this unhealthy mindset and stop being so cruel. I know that you probably have a good heart, you just want to do what’s right and you view me as a monster. Therefore you want me slain. And that’s a feeling that I understand but is not one that will ever get you what you want in life.

I want to be clear that I don’t look down on you, I’m just upset at you and honestly scared of you. All of this has left me bewildered and upset. But I know that if I can grow and change, so can you. Even if I know that you’ll probably think I’m being disingenuous when I say that.

I wish you well, but as long as you are so spiteful and cruel I do not want you anywhere near me.

[ecoevoexo]

@miss--celestine

you're right that i'm overreacting to the level of evidence provided and being irresponsible. i don't go on mastodon, and haven't seen it first hand, and the currently circulating evidence is based on multiple accounts that someone revealed LB's identity, and that solid proof is forthcoming. if it turns out to be wrong, i will make an apology and a retraction.

some context: im currently in the early recovery process of being manipulated, abused, and raped by someone, so i'm very triggered around this entire subject. i know people can be falsely accused of things and cancelmobbed; ive experienced that myself multiple times in the past. in fact, LB participated in doing so, back when she didn't have to keep her identity hidden. when i say i'm willing to change my tune with further evidence i mean it. i also am not currently a big fish. only a few people ever interact with my posts, frequently no one. you are the first and so far sole person to interact with the post where im venting about LB, which i made a do-not-reblog so it wouldn't be potentially spread around.

that said, there's a few things i did personally experience around this. firstly, i was mutuals with Slaanesh during the KYLR discourse a couple months ago on twitter. i was arguing that nuance is needed because trans women are so frequently falsely accused, and its therefore important not to jump to conclusions with how response to sexual assault is carried out. on every occasion that she interacted with the discussion, Slaanesh derailed the conversation into vitriol, arguing that anyone pro-KYLR was actually transmisogynist, and generally making it impossible to have a nuanced debate. she was not the only one; there were also people doing the same thing on the other side of the argument. but it raised a yellow flag for me.

then, when people began to leave twitter, a number of posts were made to the effect that eightpoint was the only space for trans women to go to (its not), that it was the only safe space, that no one should stay on twitter, they should instead go to eightpoint. again, i have never been on mastodon, but it raised a lot more yellow flags for me seeing how people were talking about it, and trying to spread around the message that it was the one place people should go. this i witnessed personally, and Slaanesh was only one of the people making these posts.

then, again on twitter, i saw people talking about negative experiences with eightpoint's rules causing them to be isolated, and people defending what looked to me as basically a policy of 'you can never talk about problems you've had with people'. around this time i became aware of certain associations between people involved with eightpoint and the r/antiwork events, which i have not fully investigated yet.

now a claim is circulating without substantiating evidence, and while triggered last night i made this post. again, you are the only person to interact with it, my posts on twitter got a little more interaction but are still a small part of the overall reaction. i do not currently have a big audience, and did not write this post thinking i would have a big social effect. mostly i was in a state of triggered panic (again, im just starting recovery from an abuser whose abuse patterns have some overlap with LB's) and wanted to create personal distance from anyone involved while venting about my frustration with the broader pattern of repeat serial abusers in the trans community.

i'm gonna make the post private unless more evidence comes forward. i'm sure my reasoning is not satisfactory to you, but i'm doing my best and am not used to being in this state of being triggered. i should not really be posting about community issues in this state of mind, and if i have misidentified this person i'm sorry. i've also been told there is a pattern of people being falsely accused of being LB, which i am not familiar with--during my interactions with her years ago she did not hide her identity. i do genuinely feel very uncomfortable with what has gone down and even if LB turns out to be in now way involved i think there's some solid questions to be asked about how eightpoint was advertised to people; these were concerns i had well before LB's name was mentioned.

i remain surprised this post got noticed at all, given that other posts where i'm venting more about personal problems i'm experiencing rarely do.

[sincerely-krp]

hi! (former) rise member here. i only just skimmed the tea blog and can’t say i’m caught up to everything but i would like to clarify a few things just because i feel like people outside of the story (other rpers) have blown all of this out of proportion in favor of taking sides and jumping on the hate train—that is, i feel like the blown-out hate directed towards rise members, the rise admin, and even the tea blog is unnecessary and undeserving of them when you don’t even understand everything (though i suppose that’s what tea blogs are for?)

i would first like to establish that i hadn’t seen the posted vent and only run off of the context provided after i/we found out about the vent even existing.

anyway, the most important point i would like to lay out is that in the past week (or two?), rise had undergone major changes in its lore and rpg form that led to a lot of important discussions between the members of the community. it was so big that many of us were uncertain how to move forward with our muses without either heavily revamping them, reorienting them, completely making new ones, or other options. we had actively tried to consult about this with the admin and managed to come to an agreement—which you would find would be the current state of the roleplay until its closing. such changes led to a sort-of downward spike in activity because we were all required to resubmit our apps by the 20th (i.e., it was a chance provided for us to decide on whether we would continue on with the roleplay, to revamp our muses if we wanted, etc. etc.). because of this, a lot of active members have actually gone inactive (there are a few informal posts informing us of members intending to depart from the rp so that other members don’t have to write replies anymore), have lowered activity, etc., while others have resumed writing.

as such, if you were to reference the admin’s recent post and the notes containing the members’ comments underneath it, i was with complete understanding that it never had the intention to actually pinpoint and antagonize anyone in particular; when they said “the member may not even be in the roleplay anymore”, they don’t mean this one particular member that left before the lore even changed, they were meaning the members that have decided not to push forward with their muses in this short amount of time where everyone is deciding whether they would resubmit apps or not. in this sense, the outsiders’ understanding of “they left the roleplay” is not the same as us members of the community.

i don’t think rise’s admin was completely wrong in their response to having found out about the vent because i feel like frustrations and feelings regarding the roleplay should have been kept inside the community for us to discuss and lay out. i say this because i watched so many roleplay members work so hard to ensure that our community kept on going and that we would have somewhere to write in still despite the challenges. we’re all adults, aren’t we? and it was understandable that you had your frustrations about the rp, but the person who sent that vent should have known that by airing out malicious/strong-worded sentiments on an outside channel wouldn’t lead to anything good. (i suppose that’s why members articulated that the member who sent the vent likely left the rp already (though probably not officially), as they wouldn’t have cared for its outcome as much as the member who would have preferred it to continue). as a former admin, if i were in the same shoes, i’d be hurt and upset too. furthermore, i especially appreciate the fact that the admin was protective over the fact that they didn’t want screenshots of private conversations (possibly not given permission to hand out?) aired out—i don’t know if i were in those screenshots. if i were, i wouldn’t have liked that i was and that it was probably taken out of context.

i don’t think the tea blog is also solely at fault. i won’t hash out the details and am honestly not angry over the vent even being posted (at the end of the day, the whole thing is on the person who sent in the vent). i am also sympathetic to the fact that the blog was dragged in the middle of it even as just a middleman. nevertheless, i don’t think i will ever understand the reason for why you found you needed to justify yourself after the admin’s post asking about who the vent was from. gathering context and forming an eventual conclusion from what you could only see (hence, the entire idea on the community pointedly antagonizing one person when the situation is far from) set up a space for the rpc to bully and send full-blown hate to the entire hqrise community, which is just disheartening and frustrating.

at the end of it all, the rise admin had worked hard to build a space where writers could imagine, create, and write based on the lore we were given. in turn, the writers all strived to build muses that would build up and eventually complete the lore—many of us were working hard towards making it work. as is the core of an enduring rpc, you work hard for it to make it work. there is no one mind in an rpc, however, and huge changes such as the one we experienced would reasonably be subject to frustrations and possibly anger—which was fine, because we could work on that too. by choosing to go to an uninvolved third-party and not settling it with actually involved parties, it created space for vulnerabilities, insecurities, and frustrations to rise out. as is what is happening now. but at the end, it just didn’t work out and the parties involved all have their respective shortcomings.

that’s it, honestly. outsiders don’t need to make it into such a big deal and i don’t even understand why it is. move on with your lives and continue writing, you don’t have to speculate whether it was some shitty thing just waiting to explode. most of us were legitimately just chilling with our muses, waiting to be able to write with each other again. it was good. in fact, it was great when it was alive. you don’t get to climb into our space and say it wasn’t.

・❥・

[tobi-smp]

@cearthduo

so ! first off, I wrote the doomsday unapologist manifesto in 2021 [Link]

I have, without exaggeration, written tens of thousands of words criticizing techno's writing, discourse around the green festival and doomsday, and common apologist talking points. along with many Many attempts to vent my personal feelings on the subject and rework the story and character writing. I have Been openly critical of techno for four years, to the point that I feel that I've been Too critical in the past.

so when I wrote this post, it was in the context of someone who is Fully Aware of techno's faults, and as someone who is Extremely Annoyed with the tendency to strip him of his agency to deny any wrong doing on his part. which is why I specifically called out that the characters all ultimately Have that agency and made their own choices to take the actions that they did.

that Said, tommy, techno, and dream are also my favorite characters in the series. I'm an inniter first, but for a good time I was Obsessed with their characters. which is exactly why I Like talking about these things (and why I've written so damn much about them).

so ! I Will go over what I meant in this post if you don't mind.

How To Blow Up A Country From The Inside: A Step By Step Guide

(by Dream "Was" Taken)

1: dream Intentionally set up the final control room to sow doubt and mistrust. he didn't Need to have eret be in out, he didn't Need eret to make a big show of betraying l'manberg. but it was done Intentionally.

both to hurt the l'manbergians, And to push some of the heat off of him.

because it WAS eret who took most of the heat after the war was over. that's exactly the Point of having a shadow king. to act as a figure head and scapegoat while still listening to everything that dream said (and to be swapped out at will whenever it's convenient).

oh Dream isn't the king, Dream didn't blow up l'manberg. dream's just Some Guy, who Happens to not want people to gate off his house. don't think about it too much. it's a Very intentional strategy on his part.

2: it can be inferred that techno and dream's duel Was canon to the dream smp, or at the Very Least that techno and dream were familiar with each other before he joined the server. dream is Very aware that techno is one of the very few people on the server who could put up a real fight against him, which makes him a Person Of Interest.

3: dream Intentionally allowed schlatt to do his hostile takeover. he would Claim that he was Only following the agreement with l'manberg, that it was So Sad that his hands were tied, but schlatt's actions directly went Against said agreement. he was presenting himself as an ally to the pogtopians while Actively refusing to materially step in.

meanwhile, we know he was making a deal with schlatt behind the scenes, both to get into his good graces, And to get his hands on the revival book.

4: he was Very Intentionally playing four sides here.

singling tommy out to present himself as His Friend, denying it in public but playing nice with him when it's just the two of them. addressing "Tyrant" SPECIFICALLY to tommy [Link 1, Link 2], where he presents himself as an ally while providing excuses for why he couldn't Materially do anything, and at the same time providing tommy a chest full of supplies directly. helping tommy in the pet war, even when that meant hurting sapnap, Etc.

.

meeting techno in secret to Also give him items, scope out him and his intentions, and Hopefully get on his good side. he is Also, presumably, aware of techno's role in the antarctic empire (or whatever the dream smp equivalent of that was, it's unclear if it was Literally smp earth or not).

.

very Very actively enabled wilbur's downward spiral and distrust. providing him with the tnt to blow up l'manberg, starting the rumor about the traitor in pogtopia, actively egging him on.

.

and of course, playing as schlatt's muscle. watching as schlatt drove everyone else away but giving him the false confidence to continue on to the war, to the Breaking Point.

5: the end goal of all of this being the ultimate destruction of every party involved. he lead the pogtopians to schlatt to let them kill him. he shouted in absolute wicked Glee when wilbur blew l'manberg up and killed himself, telling tommy that Wilbur had been the traitor and joined in the destruction.

I've written before about how I think dream Intentionally pushed wilbur into killing himself, to take him out as a threat yes, but More than that because he was Jealous of him and what he had [Link]

but I think it ALSO needs to be pointed out that dream INTENTIONALLY provoked techno into not only splitting from pogtopia, but Very specifically to pit him against tommy.

to be clear, it was ultimately techno's choice to do what he did. he Chose to do that big speech, to attack his former friends, to set himself as a threat, to join wilbur in bombing l'manberg. he Has agency.

but dream 100% wanted this to happen. he Knew that pogtopia and techno's goals weren't aligned, he Knew that techno has a tendency to react violently, and this was advantageous from Multiple angles.

it's a repeat of the eret situation. just like with wilbur, it's demoralizing and frightening. it breaks their spirits AND pulls attention away from him. he'd greased the wheels that lead to l'manberg's destruction, that lead to wilbur's death, but he was Never the loudest one in the room. schlatt was dead, but Techno wasn't. Techno set himself up as the most immediate threat, having vowed to come back to destroy them again if they made another government. even Phil was out there saying that Techno was the traitor in pogtopia while fighting off his withers.

.

it set TECHNO up at a disadvantage if dream ever needed to "deal" with him. in a one of one fight either one of them COULD make it out on top, but if techno had everyone else in l'manberg as an ally that might actually tip the scales, and he can't have that. in a single night techno lost every one of the allies he'd spent weeks making on the server, lost his base, and had to start off again from scratch, all while branding him with the reputation of a traitor. it was the consequences of his own actions, but it was Exactly What Dream Wanted To Happen

.

it Very Specifically split techno and TOMMY'S relationship. dream wanted wilbur dead because of what he had, because He was tommy's brother, his leader, the person he'd follow to the ends of the earth. but Techno was one of tommy's idols when he joined the server too, they'd been allies and they could've been Friends (tommy had certainly thought they'd been friends). dream Needed to separate them, so that techno would never come between him and what he wanted.

techno Chose to defect from l'manberg, but it was Dream that came out the other side with everything he'd wanted.

and he was Right. Yes dream was on the chopping block for new l'manberg (ala quackity's hit list). but it was Techno that they'd wanted to kill first. it was Techno that was the immediate threat, Techno that they plastered wanted posters for. dream let techno take the fall Exactly the same way eret did.

6: of course, we have exile. we have dream framing tommy for griefs across the server the Day after l'manberg was destroyed [Link]. you have dream taking advantage of tommy griefing george's house (something completely normal on the smp) to set tommy up, to pit him Against new l'manberg and Tubbo in particular. you have him threatening l'manberg and framing it as a punishment for tommy's actions. his open manipulation of tubbo.

he got rid of wilbur, he got rid of techno, and then he pit tommy against tubbo and took him away. and he was designing pandora's vault and testing out the revival book all the while. continuing to manipulate and watch new l'manberg and techno once tommy was gone.

7: dream Knew about the list, or at least knew that l'manberg was after technoblade. and I think it's really interesting to look at what he actually chose to Do.

because he Could Have helped in a Much more direct way, openly allied with techno and prevented him from experiencing the trauma of death at all. but he chose to help Just Enough to put techno in his debt while Keeping techno as the number one threat.

he Could have openly fought off new l'manberg, he could have let techno die and use the revival book on him after the fact (letting new l'manberg think he was dead and get them off of techno's back). instead he lead techno to the totem beforehand, and lead him back to carl after.

enough for techno to escape, enough for techno to Know what dream did for him, but Not enough for new l'manberg to move the heat back to Dream.

and importantly, it's setting techno up to get revenge. because dream Could Have stepped in to stop them Immediately if he Really wanted to protect techno from the goodness of his heart.

once again, everyone made the choices that they did on purpose. new l'manberg Chose to execute techno, techno Chose to provoke them in the first place, and techno would Choose to get his revenge.

but dream very intentionally tipped the scales to move everything in HIS favor. to advantage HIM, and disadvantage everyone else.

8: likewise, dream had initially been nervous about tommy staying with techno. it was what he'd been trying to avoid after all.

and we can see that in his behavior, we can Watch him stalking them in the background of multiple streams, and of course he visited techno's house Directly. by this point dream already KNEW that tommy was there, he'd seen them together.

dream is a manipulator, and he wants to use techno, but he's willing to do a LOT to keep tommy under his thumb.

the tipping point was, of course, the confrontation at the portal.

dream confronting tommy and techno directly, dream trying to assert his control over tommy. and at first techno steps in, tells him that tommy's with him.

but then he offers the favor. tommy's with him, Unless He Wants To Cash In That Favor. and that told dream everything he needs to know.

dream KNEW that techno and tommy's falling out was coming, and he Also knew Exactly how techno reacts to "betrayal." and what's more, tommy's relationship with new l'manberg, with Tubbo, was being set up to degrade even More thanks to his association with techno.

techno would stop at nothing to destroy l'manberg, and tommy would do anything to save it. they would never last, and tommy would be destroyed when it happened.

he let them go Intentionally, with the hope that this would all crash and burn. to destroy tommy's connections and reputation to ash. to chip away that much further at tommy's moral, at his soul.

9: and in many ways, he was right. exactly what he wanted to happen DID happen, and it was the direct result of him provoking the situation further.

tommy and techno had their falling out, he got his hands on the disc, tommy and tubbo's relationship boiled over.

dream got everything he wanted, except for tommy's spirit. loyal to the absolute end.

techno and tommy Could have been friends, tommy Wanted them to be friends.

10: doomsday. l'manberg destroyed to bedrock, techno isolated from the rest of the server, everyone's spirit's ground to dust. dream told tommy that this was Fun, that their story would never be over, while standing above the ash.

pandora's vault would be complete soon, and in it he had a place for the axe of peace, for carl. in it, he had a place for tommy, his most prized possession.

techno CHOSE to do what he did, but dream lead everyone to the paths they took On Purpose. he Wanted their relationships to fall apart. he WANTED everyone to be isolated and broken so he could take what was "rightfully" his. he WANTED to keep everyone on a leash until he could own the entire server in a more Complete way than simply being the server owner.

and this is important to me specifically BECAUSE of what could have been and what would have never been allowed to happen. Because of the ways that techno and tommy cared about each other, and yet were fated to be torn apart.

tommy Chose to defy dream when it mattered, to defeat him through his Connections. through his love for the people around him. while techno did exactly what dream wanted him to.

but it's just like.

when I see people talk about what could have been they'll pick scapegoats like quackity or wilbur, or even tubbo or phil. but never Dream. the person who wanted nothing more than to set them up to fail. who DELIGHTED in it.

and it's so INTERESTING to me. it's so Interesting that the person who used and manipulated techno was Undeniably dream. who saw him as a meat shield, who set him up to hunted down, who isolated him, who fully intended to use him to his fullest.

dream WAS the tyrannical force that techno was so opposed to, dream WAS the person who'd disadvantaged techno the most, and yet they Never get set up as being enemies. either in the story proper or in the fandom.

and that's CRAZY to me !!!! the biggest antagonist to techno IS DREAM! but you'd never know it looking at the fandom.

and that saddens me as someone who likes all of these characters Very Much. I'd KILL for fic that explores this exactly. for techno to realize the sheer Extent that he'd been lead on and used. that his relationships where burned away On Purpose. that someone who truly did not think of him as a human being drove him away from the person who'd wanted nothing more than to be his friend.

it's craaaaaaaaazy, and I feel like I'm the only one who knows it.

anyways, Never Doubt Me Ever Again.

you want to see Real doomsday discourse?

"was tommy in the wrong or techno?" arguments completely overshadowed the fact that dream was intentionally manipulating every single party into doomsday, to the point that there are people who don't even realize that dream was actively manipulating techno and putting him at an intentional disadvantage while still using him as a human meat shield to absorb flack from new l'manberg

techno and tommy and tubbo and quackity all have agency and ultimately chose to make the choices that they did, but Also dream did all of that.

it's kind of ridiculous the sheer extent that people just refuse to point towards the main antagonist of the entire series as being at fault

[mellorad]

pt 2/2, loosely connected to last night’s post. regarding how I’ve been feeling recently, with some vague context on a few other things that happened.

I genuinely thought my life was starting to get back on track when it comes to friendships earlier this year. My social life’s always been a bit of a mess; to the point that I have become extremely insecure, wary, and pessimistic. 

And for the first time in my life... things felt like they were getting stable, like I had found comfort, great friends I could trust and... love! Without doubting or overthinking anything. I made incredible friendships at the end of 2016/beginning of 2017, and solidified others for good around that time too. I had truly amazing times throughout the year, too, hanging out with my friends, travelling around, having a great friend coming over to visit!

But... some other scattered situations throughout the year, nothing too much for the most part: a few tense conversations, with the exception of an argument with a friend like I haven’t had in years.... and while I tried my best to not let any of it get to me, it obviously did at some point, even if just slightly. As such... I started to bottle things up. Something I had stopped doing for a long time... for several reasons.

I had a massive depressive period between... March to middle of May, more or less; I can’t pinpoint it accurately. I don’t know if you noticed; I remember venting about it vaguely ocasionaly or dropping hints in the tags. It was caused because of uni stress with a particular class, the usual struggles with perfectionism and high expectations and... I don’t know, man, honestly, I still can’t figure out exactly what and why, even though I’ve thought about it a lot.

It’s... hard to explain. Before that I had been super social... and during this period, talking to my friends in my daily life was... the only thing keeping me happy. So I would hang out with my friends irl as much as I could, in and out of uni; talk to my friends out here... and I’d avoid getting home to my apartment. 

I remember the feeling too clearly, and I dreaded it at the end of the day. Because I knew, the moment I opened the door to my room, I’d feel... empty. So empty. So lonely, numb, apathetic. I kept thinking: “I can try my best to distract myself and pretend everything is fine, but at the end of the day, all I come home to is an empty room; and of all the things I can escape, I can’t escape myself.”

I tried a few times to explain this to a few people; and it was shrugged off as “ah you’ll feel better soon, it’s just your adjustment to suddenly being so social after being alone for so long”... which is understandable, but it didn’t solve any of it. 

In retrospective, I realize now; to compensate for my inner numbness, I would be overly excited, extremely vocal in my appreciation for my certain friends... in a desperate attempt to burry these feelings and make sure they knew how much they mattered to me. 

This ended up being unhealthy for me, and unhealthy for a few too... Particularly with one person, perhaps the last friend I ever wanted to... “hurt” in any way. I came on too strong for a little while, overwhelmed them with my appreciation/enthusiasm and gestures, and made things... a bit awkward between us for a bit. 

It’s... so fucking awful, how I was afraid of overwhelming them at one point; and the moment I felt like I could let go of that fear, I was careless, tactless, and I screwed things up a bit without realizing I was doing it, without meaning to. It’s so much worse making a mistake without realizing it than being aware of it, specially when I’m this acutely aware of what my flaws are, and constantly striving to improve.

I realized it soon after... and we ended up discussing it and clearing things up eventually; and for that I’m truly glad, since things seem to be... getting better, I think. I hope. There never really was any bad blood between us. But this situation haunted me for... months; at first I couldn’t deal with the regret of having made that mistake... and I felt so frustrated, so angry, so ashamed of myself (remember the times I’d mention I was frustrated with something? yeah)... it took me a while to accept things and try to move on.

It still gets me today, though, and it has for so many weeks, in a completely different way; it’s not the situation itself, but how the realization of that mistake made me (re)think and overthink every single aspect of myself, all my actions and all my flaws lately. I’ve become even more insecure, careful, introspective... I just... haven’t felt fundamentally okay with myself for a while now;  I seriously thought I was improving, I was getting somewhere as a person. Now I realize I have... so, so much to learn, but fuck, I just... want to feel alright with myself again, comfortable in my own skin, unafraid of talking to others; not so wary, or distant. I want to “be myself”, like everyone says I need to be, without overthinking things. 

All this time I haven’t been able to talk to... anyone about this last part, really; how... lost I’ve felt. It’s like the words can’t come out of my mouth: “it’s not the right time”, “I don’t want to ruin this conversation by mentioning what’s going on” “this is ridiculous, they’re fed up of listening to my depressed ass” “you’re gonna bring this up again? god you’re insufferable”.... Even when I want to message most of my friends, I feel so uneasy, and I think to myself: “they have their own life going on, and I don’t want to interfere with it” or “no, i’ll feel guilty for this, like I am bothering them”... 

So I’ve grown quiet, aloof, distant. Talking less, grinding the thoughts in my head over and over again more; thoughts I can’t discern completely sometimes, but I feel the mental exhaustion. Not posting much out here, replying very late to messages. Even if... god, I desperately want to reach out, I really do, I want to be able to do that... but I just.. can’t. I want to ask for reassurance, but my pride stops me and says I shouldn’t ask for it, reassurance should be given naturally if it’s honest. I want to talk about it, but I never managed to blurt out the words, or I end up deleting a message halfway through. It’s happened so many times by now.

But in the end... this is my problem, my very personal one to solve. I don’t want to bring anyone into this mess, it’s already enough as it i. It’s my problem, one I’ve dug myself into. I need to figure this out by myself and get out of it, no matter how long it takes. So... now you know if I’m not posting as much out here, or talking as much. It’s not that I don’t want to, quite the contrary... it’s just difficult for me to reach out. 

But... now you know. I need to work this out on my own. Things will be better eventually, in time. And... I’m sorry if any of my friends is actually reading this... it’s been way too hard to say it directly to anyone specifically. Writing this was... something I really needed... a way for me to speak into the void, to no one in particular... lay down everything in a coherent order for myself, and explain things out to those who might come across and read this by chance.

[rpbetter]

Those callout blogs are a nuisance. All of those screen shots were taken out of context and all the "harassment" is just people talking about that person on their own blogs, after blocking them AND being blocked, and still being stalked and having the finger pointed at them by that person who is calling it harassment, despite circumventing blocks which is totally in their own power not to do. Why keep hate reading people after a two-way block? Then suicide bait and say those blogs made them get that far? I wouldn't be surprised if the callout blogs were run by the same person or someone close to them. Long story short- you are awesome, you did nothing wrong, and thank you for doing what you do. There is a reason these callouts have almost no notes on them, it is because people know what's up. I think that's a silver lining!

Yeah, Anon, that is...all very much what my take on this is. Some of us have been around, we know what this looks like, and there's been plenty of evidence I've found of harassment from the callout crew. If those few screenshots in my callout (achievement unlocked!) are "harassment" oh...oh, honey. No, taking issue with your behavior in a firm way isn't harassment, neither is multiple people trying to patiently, kindly help you out of your own damn mess. All that got myself and at least one other mun I saw doing so was posted up on the callout blog, so...from where is this harassment coming, exactly? lol amazing. Cognitive dissonance, on sale all week!

I will absolutely say, like I did on their childish ass reblogs, I'm very much not supportive of anon hate and other such behaviors. I do think some of those messages could have been worded better, but did they have to be? No. You post something inflammatory, you don't just expect to get ass pats of support for your bad behavior. They all use incredibly baiting, hostile language that is a problem when the OP of the rules does it, but their posts meant to be publicly consumed aren't supposed to trigger unwanted reactions. I don't feel, as someone on the spectrum, which is exactly why I tried to speak to Raven, I'm expecting anything extraordinary out of another working adult to know that this is pretty basic behavior. You act hatefully, people tend to react hatefully, you don't fix it by crying and being more hateful.

- AGAIN am in no way supporting anything legitimately unnecessary that was sent to Raven. I don't believe there is an excuse for that, outside of maybe...if she posted crush videos or something, then, yes, by all means, go anon hate away on people hurting real animals or children or the elderly lol but here? In the RPC? No, no, no. Never okay. I'm just saying, sometimes, we do get what we put out. We should be mindful of what we're selling if we don't want those goods returned to us. Like the OP of those rules said, "Look, I'm hateful, I was being intentionally hateful, it's fine." You know? -

No one else on tumblr is ND and might have some issues being too reactionary, no one can come across that shit independently of any of these muns they seem to want to sell as being some kind of evil RP clique and feel personally offended. Nope! Just their friend! Only one with permission.

And yeah, I definitely suspect that, at best, it's a handful of muns with too similar personal problems acting out justice and power they cannot achieve offline. Life is hard, being a young adult is hard, you are hyper-aware of being unable to immediately effect lasting change in your world, and it's kind of an unfortunate hallmark of the internet anymore that you see this being taken out in things like the RPC. It's still not necessary or acceptable, but maybe by explaining it, someone out there can recognize those feelings in themselves and not act on it. Point is, it's really common. Not the first time I've seen it on tumblr, would not be at all shocked.

I do not even know what to say about the potential suicide-baiting, an opinion you're absolutely entitled to. Since I did not see this transpire in action and do not know that meme mun, I don't feel like it's appropriate for me on this blog to imply they weren't serious. I don't want anyone out there to feel like their own statements aren't serious, you know? I will say, given forever of past observances, it is a bit convenient to the victimization she was peddling. Doesn't mean it couldn't be both...and I would really like to say, as a reminder to everyone: if you see a blog mentioning self-harm of any kind, whether you have a reason to believe they are being dramatic or not, report them. If they weren't serious, that's a really terrible thing they just did in using something like that. If they were serious, even someone you can't stand deserves this kind of help.

But yeah, anyways! I'm certain I'll continue to be vaguely bothered in reblogs and get some amazing anons for it lol so thank you! It's appreciated! As are all of the other messages, publicly or privately addressed. They mean a lot, as they always have! Because it means a lot to provide you all with the genuine positivity of being seen, to get to address ways of helping the community, and speak to all of you!

My whole point in this blog was to support the RPC being a better place for everyone by tackling the issues that made me a bit salty, in the many ways that we can do that together, but the interactions here have made me feel so much more hope about the RPC! Most of you really aren't about callouts or harassment, or even things like leaning on aesthetics at cost to accessibility. Most of you just want to be allowed to enjoy the hobby your own way, need to be seen every now and then. Some of you might need some new ideas, or to feel excited about writing again, and getting to watch that happening is great.

You're all awesome, thank you, so much!

And since this drama is the main topic of this blog right now lol...reminder to everyone: if you're going through a hard time and someone in the RPC is making it hard for you to enjoy your escapism? That's on them. Not you. If you did do anything you feel is wrong, apologize to the person you hurt, accept their response either way, and grow as a person. Block the bad anons, block the callout blogs, stay off blogs that are drama sources, and enjoy what you're here to do, RP.

And hey, if you feel like you need to vent or could use some advice, I'm not going to judge you. The words "freaky shit" will never leave my mouth. If you need a pickmeup, need to feel like you're not the only one who feels this way, search the #anonymous or #answered tag. You're definitely not alone, and chances are, I support you if you're trying your best - which looks different for all of us.

[asphaltapostle]

What I have long predicted is now coming to pass: Google believes it should assume control.

Out of all the technology companies that have made my knees knock and my voice hoarse and my [Tweets manic](https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&q="google" %40ficklecrux&src=typd) as a technoheretic in the past several years, Jumbo Google would easily take home the winning trophy for Dystopian of the Millennium. I have been rehearsing an especially dear pet prophecy of mine, unsolicited, to family, friends, and podcast guests since 2011 in which I end up arguing quite convincingly that Google is a dead ringer for the 16th-century Vatican: an inherently self-isolating organization with an absolute monopoly yielding gargantuan levels of essentially passive income from a service which nearly everybody transacts with, but only Google understands (and is therefore assumed to be its only possible provider,) which inevitably develops such a distance from the rest of the populace and their way of life (in tandem with total notoriety and celebrity among them all) not intentionally out of malice, but from the delusion of mythically-bestowed philanthropic duty that is borned of and compounded by this economic and cultural isolation in a perpetual accumulation of power and wealth that radicalizes the monopolizers — the majority already highly predisposed to zeal as they would’ve needed to be in order to find themselves in this singular, universally powerful position over every other class — and leaves their egocentric minds to wander exempt from all criticism save for that of fellow radicalized monopolizers, who together begin to feel more and more comfortable wondering aloud about themselves in increasingly fantastic presumptions: what if all of this was bestowed upon us because we are superior to them? What if it is our divine responsibility as superior beings to take charge and shepherd the common people as our sheep — for they cannot possibly know as well as we what is truly best for them?

You see it, right? And you can feel a very specific flavor of terror that is both awed by the scale of the circumstances created by so few human minds and sincerely amused by the absoluteness of your own inability to alter them in any way. Perhaps you even recognize this taste as one perfected by Christianity’s ancient advertising business, but Google knows so much about you that it’s rumored to’ve been selling user data to the Judeochristian God for some time now at a 10% discount, and so we extrapolate and anticipate, yes?

Of course, it’s admittedly satisfying for me to deliver you to this godfearing place in the most perverse look what I saw first that you didn’t see because you’re just not as bright but lucky for you, I’m so fucking generous with my wisdom sort of thinking around which the entire personas and livelihoods of fringe movement fanatics are built upon, but this is my one thing, okay? I’ve been waiting years for the right time to formally argue this theory in depth, and — thanks to this year’s public spotlight finally pivoting on the giants who’ve been silently swallowing their competition and relentlessly forcing their already ridiculous margins higher and higher in relative obscurity for decades, the time has come, indeed. The common people’s trust in Google had a godawful week.

Don’t Be Evil

On Monday, Gizmodo reported that twelve frustrated Google employees were quitting the company in protest of their work assisting the Department of Defense to “implement machine learning to classify images gathered by drones” for the detail fleeting Project Maven, despite some 4000 employee signatures on a letter addressed to CEO Sundar Pichai requesting (in full) that he “cancel this project immediately,” and “draft, publicize, and enforce a clear policy stating that neither Google nor its contractors will ever build warfare technology,” citing the infamous “Don’t Be Evil” motto, which Google then proceeded to remove from its code of conduct for the first time in 18 years the day after the New York Times article went to press, on April 5th.

On initial approach to the abstract of this story, from the ass to our thoughts arrives an easy narrative of a Silicon Valley mutiny comprised of twelve brave, conscientious souls who’ve been eaten up inside by their complicity in the filthy deals made by their power-obsessed CEO over scotch and cigars in a dark D.C. study — kept awake for months by the sound of his puffing cackles at satellite images of dead toddlers in a bombed-out street.

Ah ha, we say. That man is no good, and he just wouldn’t listen! They knew they didn’t have a choice… They only did what they had to do…

The reality of internal disagreements at Google, though, manages to be even more theatrical. The sheer volume of correspondence must surely be beyond anything capable of the enduser’s imagination, so let’s phone a friend: my favorite peek into the day-to-days of inter-Google existence is an old blog post by Benjamin Tilly on his first month at the company in which he was compelled almost immediately to describe in great detail how best to “deal with a lot of email in gmail” at peak efficiency using shortcuts and labels. “As you get email, you need to be aggressive about deciding what you need to see, versus what is context specific.”

Now we have a bit better idea of the aggressive emailing that was a sure constant on a normal workday at Google in 2010, so it must’ve been deafening after 8 years of Gmail development as 4000 employees no doubt vented, debated, and decided to organize last month, though without making much headway because the leadership’s response was apparently “complicated by the fact that Google claims it is only providing open-source software to Project Maven,” this new knowledge having significant effect on our mind’s image of Sundar Pichai’s activities in Washington: he is now swapping seats with a frustrated Colin Powell in order to install OpenOffice onto his desktop from a flash drive, and we recall that Google’s Googleplex headquarters resembles nowhere in modern life more than a brand new playground built in a design language borrowing heavily from Spy Kids. And though these Twelve disciples are unnamed for the moment, a few of them could immediately land book deals by going public, and every single one would always have by default not only the badge of “I landed a job at Google,” (which is really to say I have hit Life’s maximum level cap,) but “I worked at Google for a while, but ended up quitting to do something else,” which is guaranteed to make you the most interesting, intellectually superior person present in whatever crowd for the rest of your life. The ultra-cool Sarah Cooper quit Google to become a comedian and even got to talk to Kara Swisher! I won’t pretend to understand big tech’s diminutive bastardization of prestige, but “more than 90 academics” jumping to publish an open letter (adjacent to a huge DONATE: Support the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots button) in which they “write in solidarity with the 3100+ Google employees” who’s terrible boss decided to help some lackeys in the Pentagon set up their email and didn’t text back for a whole hour doesn’t sound 100% sincere. Notably, I don’t know how or why the fuck 90 people would go about collaborating on a single document, but if it really was managed, they definitely used Google Docs… At one point, it was fun to think about the history of the friendly side-scroller-playing garage ghouls and dorm dorks who gave cooky, wacko names to their dot com startups in parody and defiance of the lame-ass surname anagrams on the buildings of their established competitors, but those who’ve stuck around have only done so by becoming expert at SUCKING UP EVERYTHING around them, and it pisses me off every day how worried I am that my species will finally be done in by a company with a name like Yahoo! and be known only to a bunch of adolescent interdimensional silicon blobs 30 million years in the future as that bipedal race who remained dignified until the last 0.01% of their reign on Earth, when in way less than a single generation, they all just went FUCKING INSANE and blew themselves up because they suddenly hated all sense.

“Google” is perhaps the worst of these to have to shout in fear and/or anger in your last moments as it sounds in American English like you’ve startled your subject with a ticklish pinch followed so immediately by an esophagus-busting chokehold that the two events appear simultaneous, and in real English English, it almost always sounds like a parent speaking of a character on a pre-K children’s television programme whom they find quite foul and upsetting, but will manage to refrain from expressing so otherwise because they know that Teletubbies shit is the most quickly forgotten stage of television viewership. It’s fascinating how exclusive the word “Google” is to American English because in everything else it really is complete nonsense, but lets halt all etymological discussions right now because we’ve only now just finished with Monday.

The Soul Ledger

On Thursday, all of my Google experiences, suppositions, and soul-detaching screenshots were usurped when a thoroughly alarming internal company video called The Selfish Ledger was leaked to The Verge, which I watched once then and do not want to watch again for the sake of this piece, but I will. Though the big V has been disappointingly timid for years about editorializing — when tech journalism desperately needs some confident, informed opinion more than ever — Vlad Savov’s accompanying article should be read in its entirety, to which I can add my own terror where he perhaps could not. The production style is technically identical to that of the very popular thinkpiece-esque, motion-graphics-paired-with-obligatory-sharpie illustrated videos which you find playing at max volume on your mom’s iPad from where she’s fallen asleep on the couch at 9PM, but the repeating stock string soundtrack multiplies one’s discomfort as such that we would all end up in the fetal position without remembering the transition were it not for the appearance of trusty old Dank Jenkins, who’s face I thankfully associate heavily enough with his infamous down-and-out Tweet to be a welcome respite in attention before the very scary hypothesis for which it’s been buttering me up, as best summed by Vlad:

> The system would be able to “plug gaps in its knowledge and refine its model of human behavior” — not just your particular behavior or mine, but that of the entire human species. “By thinking of user data as multigenerational,” explains Foster, “it becomes possible for emerging users to benefit from the preceding generation’s behaviors and decisions.” Foster imagines mining the database of human behavior for patterns, “sequencing” it like the human genome, and making “increasingly accurate predictions about decisions and future behaviors.”

The next time the what if they do something scary question comes up in a casual conversation about Google, you’ll have something a lot more substantial than just speculation. Or will you? The Verge reached out for comment and got an awfully convenient response.

> This is a thought-experiment by the Design team from years ago that uses a technique known as ‘speculative design’ to explore uncomfortable ideas and concepts in order to provoke discussion and debate.

Wow! Leave it up to grand ole Googe to reveal the ultimate excuse for just about any suggestion or behavior, though it does seem almost deliberately uncomfortable, doesn’t it? No matter — whether or not this video was ever about a project or tangible product development, or simply to explore uncomfortable ideas because it is proof that the company has reached that critical Vatican stage — if you’ll remember — where they now feel comfortable exploring Very Bad, but Very easily made Real Ideas amongst themselves about what would happen if they allowed their system to nudge its users around a different, slightly less optimal route to the bar, let’s say — without their knowledge — in order for the system to collect traffic data for the sake of its own interests? Which would be, technically, in the interest of all Ledger users now and in the future, so why not?

> The ledger could be given a focus, shifting it from a system which not only tracks our behavior, but offers direction towards a desired result.”

This, my dear privacy-obsessed friends, is the real issue with data collection — its power over huge groups by way of their behavior and it is never going to be remedied in any significant way by ad-blockers or VPNs because the EndUser shall always out number you 50 to 1, even decades from now. EndUser does not understand — or, crucially, have any desire to understand anything technical about what leads to the PewDiePie videos playing on his filthy screen. Here’s a great opportunity to escape Silicon Valley’s technolibertarianism and resign your Darwinian empathy in favor of meaningful and truly-effective action: if you want to avoid a future Google Church (or Google Government, more worryingly,) you should invest your time, effort, and knowledge into electing officials more capable of understanding and regulating Big Tech.

Google Government

The internet as it stands is made possible by Google as the goto resource for online advertising. In 2016, “Google held 75.8 percent of the search ad market, bringing in $24.6 billion in revenue from search ads,” according to Recode. By 2019, “that’s expected to grow to $36.62 billion in revenue, or 80.2 percent of the market.” Google’s edge in user behavior and targeted advertising combined with their extensive resources available developers to integrate independent platforms with Google’s software services at various levels makes it very difficult for any advertising-funded individual or organization to compete online without dipping in to the Google universe. YouTube — a Google property since 2006 — has actively invested in and supported a new career path entirely within their own platform that is rapidly becoming popularly aspired-to by young children, while the reality of existence as a full-time YouTuber is far less glamorous than the immediately-visible surface would indicate, and the effort already expended by my generation in its pursuit has already made us insane.

So, what would the internet look like if Google didn’t exist? We know they’ve been working with the government now on various projects, but what if some terrible exposed transgression of theirs suddenly warranted an immediate shutdown and seizure of all Google properties? Well, we know from a post on Quora by Googler Ashish Kedia that even 5 years ago, the sudden absence of Google for “2–3 mins” set the internet into a bit of a panic, reducing overall traffic by 40%. In the time since, we’ve all grown exponentially more dependent on Google properties: billions of people rely on Google Maps for directions and, thousands of companies (including the Pentagon and other government institutions) rely on Gmail and GSuites for intercommunication, file sharing, task management, etc., and more and more academic institutions rely on Chromebook devices running connection-dependent operating systems. It’s not much of a stretch to argue that Google’s sudden disappearance would constitute a Civil Emergency in the United States, which will only become a stronger and more serious incentive for regulatory bodies to look the other way.

Though the tangible results of advertising have been quantified significantly in the past 20 years, one can’t help but wonder after watching YouTube ads for the new Mercedes-Benz S-Class on toy unboxing videos if the companies who spend big bucks on Google advertising understand where their money is going, but they know that if they don’t advertise there, their competitors will. This, of course, is a fundamental practice of a monopoly, and it’s yielded Google so much fucking money that they cannot possibly spend it fast enough, as evidenced by their investments in life extension — so that, perhaps, they will have more time on Earth to figure it out.

When you build a collection of the world’s smartest people in a self-sufficient environment that discourages exploration of other lifestyles and ideas, and you sustain the society with a gargantuan, relatively low-maintenance revenue stream, you create a culture which is not only well-primed for isolationism, but is also extremely inefficient. In fact, with its vast collection of abandoned products and properties, Google must surely be one of the most inefficient companies in history. Thinking back on recent software releases along with its recent entries into the hardware space, Google is also one of the worst competing tech companies. Very little aside from Gmail, Google Photos, Google Maps, and Chrome have found their place or garnered significant usership. Google Play Music is unintuitive and impossible, Google Allo and Google+ are all but forgotten addendums to other services, and Google Search — its core, original function — has been out of control for years, and all of them are designed blandly and excruciatingly tiring to look at.

Google Shun

If this all has stirred nothing more in you than a desire to eliminate Google from your own online life as much as possible, there are alternatives in almost every one of the sphere’s they dominate. As of late, DuckDuckGo has accumulated a fair amount of buzz and coverage as a private, more relevant alternative to Google’s plain old search engine. Though it is clever enough to list us as the first result for “extratone,” I’ve found it simply insufficient as a replacement in my own life because, essentially, it rarely delivers what I’m looking for. By contrast, Dropbox Paper is such an elegant cloud notetaking and word processing software that it makes Google Docs look simply idiotic (and warrants its own review very shortly.) For getting around, know that MapQuest is not only still around — it’s now a very competitive mobile navigation app.

I, myself, have allowed Google as complete of access to my information and behavior as possible because I believe “privacy” is a completely futile endeavor if one wishes to be a part of society, though I do often use alternatives to Google services simply because I fucking hate the way they look. If you want a more complete list of services and software that allow one to shun the Google God entirely, you’ll be forced to seek out less dignified sources like Lifehacker and Reddit and decide if the additional time you’ll spend using most of them to accomplish the same tasks is really worth your digital angst.

If Google were to be more explicit with its users and staff about its aspirations to take over control of our lives, there will be little to do but accept the future they intend to create because they’ve long been too powerful to control. In the meantime, I’d suggest you continue to use whatever software works best for you and refrain from wasting your time fretting on conspiratorial suppositions of what the tech industry may be doing to “invade your privacy,” because there is no longer any such thing, nor will there be ever again. However, I would also urge to you worship your own Gods, whomever they may be, for Google will never be worthy. I, for one, shall only pray to our Mother Sun.

#social #google #future #web #privacy

original post

[bakedpieceofchicken]

5am long personal vent

dont interact with this

note: this post mentions endeavor a lot.

context (very important!): I pretty much binge-read an entire tumblr user’s meta posts and I found them interesting and very informative. 

I also read through their salt tag and now I’m compelled to gather my thoughts together considering the literal title I’ve held for months now is “Hawks is a lov member already”. I’m extremely socially awkward, even on this online platform, so I’m not going to mention the aforementioned tumblr user’s name because I’m too anxiety-ridden to try to contact them. This is in no way shape or form an attack on the person’s opinions nor their character. It’s me... rambling about my thoughts about their opinions at 4 am. 

Is it defending myself? Well, not really, because I don’t feel personally attacked. Just because we have a difference of opinion doesn’t mean we have to resort to attacking each other. I found their opinions thought-provoking and wanted to pick my own brain... I picked this time purposely so nobody would see this post :eyes: so like uhm yeah

note 2: “you” refers to unnamed tumblr user. sorry about weird point of view...

anyways let’s get into the meat 

villain hawks

yay or... nay...?

Well, in fanon it would be such a fun idea to play around with. Personally I think there’s potential for League of Villain interactions with Hawks. I would LOVE to see Hawks interacting with the other pro heroes, but the only pro-to-pro interaction we get with Hawks is between Hawks and Endeavor. Because the atmosphere between the pro-heroes feels... disconnected.

Now, hear me out.

Let’s contrast it with the idealized version of hero society provided in future fics. Or hell, comparing the top ten pro heroes to Class 1-A itself. We want to think all the heroes are friendly with each other and have some sort of camaraderie with each other

But Horikoshi doesn’t present it like that. 

The closest thing to that we get is Endeavor and Hawks. Other than that, the atmosphere between hawks and the other heroes seem more strained or tense (the whole miruko hawks thing is fanon). And even then, it’s... well... Endeavor and Hawks don’t truly know each other. Hawks only knows the public perception and image of Endeavor, which is the only thing he’s been given while Endeavor doesn’t truly knows Hawks either. I’m not saying the interactions are fake, but... would Hawks be acting the way he was if he knew about Endeavor’s past?

No. I don’t have any predictor to how differently Hawks would act, but I definitely sense there’d be a lot of disappointment and loss of respect for the man he was rooting for. To what extent? Would Hawks just be in complete disbelief? Or would he react with immediate anger? There are parallels to Hawks and Todoroki Rei--both were picked from the crowd and had their lives controlled because of their “value” determined by Endeavor/The Hero Commission respectively.

But honestly from an objective standpoint, I have nothing to go off of other than the fact that Hawks deeply respects and idolizes Endeavor the most out of anyone in the manga we’ve seen and the fallout of that would be of an equally shattering magnitude...

Ahh i went off on a tangent. the point is... do we really know Hawks? Does Hawks ever get a chance to just.. be himself? Maybe we see a bit of that shine when he’s alone with Endeavor, but as we saw clearly in chapter 186 he puts on a care-free facade for his fans. But in reality... he’s always working because he’s one of the hero commission’s greatest assets. 

and... here’s where our opinions clash. I truly, in the depths of my heart, believe that Hawks is building a reality where heroes have more free time comes from a more selfish desire for himself. Don’t get me wrong--I don’t want to disservice what Hawks has done for society. But also it feels like he’s the type who overworks himself because he feels moral obligation to society when... technically he doesn’t owe anything to society. 

Yes, in superhero shows and whatnot, it’s usually a positive trait that “hey this person’s been born with an amazing power and they’ve chosen to use it for the greater good! Look what they’re sacrificing!!!” But let’s say theoretically that person decides “hey i don’t want to be a hero i just want to be a writer!” Are they morally wrong for deciding not to be a hero even though they would theoretically be good at it? Even though it’s not something they want for themselves?

Because I don’t think Hawks wants to be a hero. But he also doesn’t want people to die. He’s tied himself with these moral obligations to the point where he can’t leave now because he feels it would be selfish of him to. And that is speculation, but Horikoshi isn’t exactly spelling it out for us! So, that’s how I interpret Hawks’ character. Yes, he is a true hero in that he wants to save as many people as he can, even at the cost of his pride his dignity his fucking freedom...

but also, he never wished for that. he never asked to be one who has to deal with all of this. But now that he is, what choice does he have? 

So, yes, we agree on that. But I also feel that his personal desire plays as big of a part. Because we, as humans, naturally want things for ourselves. Our personal desire for ourselves shouldn’t be downplayed at all! That’s why I believe his inner thoughts are worded “more free time” rather than “make society more safe”. Because he has his priorities! He wants the best of both worlds-- it’s a form of negotiation. He can still play the hero and less lives would be taken but he can also having some breathing room for himself like he’s always wanted.

To free himself just a little bit from the stressful life of being a hero. 

There is nothing wrong with being motivated by personal desires. Hawks is one of the most grounded heroes we’ve seen--I think he’s cynical enough that he’s self aware of this selfish desire for a freer life. And it’s selfish to him only because he knows that it would never happen without the expense of a few lives-- lives that he knew he would never forgive himself for letting slip.

I think it’s a toxic mindset.

Because as heroic as placing others above yourself... that attitude is completely unhealthy and I don’t think it should be celebrated. What I want to see from Hawks’ natural progression as a character is recognizing that it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Hell, Midoriya learned this during the summer training arc and failed to retain that lesson during the Overhaul arc! THESE HEROES DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!! (ok i get midoriya’s trying). 

And if it’s selfish to desire more free time for yourself off from work, is it really that wrong of someone to do so? To want more control over your life? To want to do things you want to do rather than what others want you to do?

What does this have to do with villain Hawks? Well, I think a large desire for villain hawks is because it shows the departure of that mindset! Hawks doesn’t need to be confined to his hero persona anymore, he can finally do things he wants to do and be the free bird he’s always wanted to be.

But him becoming a complete villain is... far-fetched. This myself I recognize. I’ve only written villain!hawks once and that was because he snapped after the hero commission executed shigaraki and dabi as a show of power rather than going through the effort of trying to re-integrate the men back into hero society. I don’t want to go too deep because this isn’t the point I’m trying to make, but Hawks realizes how power-obsessed society is to the point where he doubts the legitimacy of the hero commission itself and what they do for society and its people.

But, again, that’s not going to ever happen in canon so I won’t bring it up another time. The point I was trying to make is yeah, you’re right that Hawks would never become a villain. He wouldn’t become a murderer- if he does, he definitely needs more incentive than what we can go off from canon.

And ohhh boy here we go, reaching the erm elephant in the room.

(These are the points made in the salt tag btw)

Is Villain!Hawks just an excuse to write hotwings? And what is the plausibility of Hawks turning to villainy? Would Endeavor being exposed as a child abuser be the trigger if Hawks were to turn villain at some point in the story?

Eh...

I don’t know if I even want to go into the whole “this is just an excuse to make hawks and dabi evil boyfriends” because I’ve never used villain!hawks as justification for that personally. And I’m actually not as attached to hotwings as I am to something like shigahawks... I don’t have any points to counteract this other than my desire to see Hawks interact with the entire league. Because it would be fun to see him interact in an environment he’s not wholly familiar with. With Endeavor or the other heroes or even the hero commission, he has some semblance of control or understanding so he thinks/acts like he knows what’s going on. 

Meanwhile, the League is a huge mess and they don’t have their shit together and wouldn’t it be funny to see Hawks as a part of their crew suffering with them!!! Well, that’s bias. My bias. For fanon. And for the jokes. So sad :(

So... I don’t just want to see more Dabi and Hawks interaction. I want to see more Hawks and League interaction. or just more hawks and anyone interactions overall. maybe thats all i crave

Actually going through the points one by one, let’s talk plausibility.

I already talked about villain!hawks being a... departure from Hawks’ faults in his own character. But it is pretty extreme, I’ll admit. If Hawks were ever to join the League of Villains, he’d probably never use killing as first resort. As we’ve seen in chapter 220, it’s not like the League targets only heroes... but i get the salt tag was made like 5 months ago so it’s not like new information hasn’t been released at the time of posting.

Reminds me of domestichobgoblins’ shigadabihawks fic where shigaraki even acknowledges “Whatever bullshit you’ve been telling Dabi, you aren’t a killer either, are you? So what, exactly, am I supposed to do with you?” And you know? The both are you are right. Hawks isn’t a killer and he wouldn’t become a killer willingly... unless he was pushed by some other greater force but I’m not here to address any of that. He could still provide support to the league in other ways, arguably, or just joining the league could be some kind of message to the heroes or supporters of hero society.

You are right to a degree. Hawks’ sole motivator to become a villain wouldn’t be because “OH ENDEAVOR IS AN ABUSER GUESS I GOTTA TURN EVIL NOW”.

Okay pushing past that, so why would Hawks be motivated to become a villain? In canon? I’ve already warped a lot of this post with my own fanon but I’m trying to keep within the realm of canon for this point specifically since you could take a second to push Hawks over the edge in fanon and be done with it. But why would Horikoshi specificially do it?

The fact is hero society sucks. A lot. And I think Hawks recognizes that fact being the most “grounded” and cynical of the bunch. His views and visions of hero society aren’t warped by fantasies and such (which is probably why he doesn’t like All Might...) so he understands what’s happening around him. He understands the mechanisms of hero society and how “valuable” quirks are viewed as in their capitalist society.

But also, he doesn’t  have that much of an option other than trying to lessen the burden placed upon him. Because he’s a single man, and even with his influence, he can’t change society. He’s powerless to do so, even considering who he is. He’s seen as a role model to those in society, but it’s because of his ranking that ironically fuels why people even look up to him: denouncing that would be kind of silly considering it’s the reason why people would listen in the first place.

And this is the point where I say... Shigaraki had a point. Hero society is flawed. It shouldn’t be so reliant on one person to carry it all.

But also hero society itself is bullshit. The ranking system? Horrible. The fact that the hero commission views them as tools for their own disposal? Horrible. The mere fact they basically bribe Hawks into becoming a hero? Like? “Hey kid you’re the best at being a hero so that’s what you should do. we’re only going to give you financial support if you become a hero so you might as well” like what is Hawks supposed to do in that sort of situation? Of course he’s going to succumb to the pressure.

I don’t believe in this whole “sacrifice for the greater good” bullshit. If Hawks wants to be a hero, that’s a whole another story, but if Hawks doesn’t, then he shouldn’t have been forced into that role. It’s about agency--it’s about letting him decide for himself if it’s what he wants to do. And it’s... a gray area for morality. “It’d be selfish for him to let people die!” Who is in the right to say whether or not he should use his “powers” for others’ sake? Me? You? The Hero commission?

So if Horikoshi goes down the path of “hey hero society is extremely bad and needs to change” and Hawks recognizes the League as a proponent for that change, then with a lot of development, it’s plausible in the future. I understand that Hawks, as of what we currently see, is too upheld by his own morals to ever even think about crossing that line, but people change. Hell, you recognized how the High End arc changed Endeavor and made miles of metas about it.

So, is it really far-fetched to say villain!Hawks is just a dream?

Maybe I’m a fool or an optimist, but I’d love to see Horikoshi take that path. Not because I’m horny for evil boyfriends, but it’d be a nice change of pace and we’d get to see a complete contrast of Hawks’ experiences. And it wouldn’t be easy-it’d had to be done right. Just like Endeavor’s redemption arc--if Horikoshi is still planning it. (Let’s be honest: High End Arc was not a formal redemption. I think it was Horikoshi letting the readers know “there might be something worth saving in Endeavor!” but i digress because i don’t care enough about endeavor (his character and redemption has 0 appeal to me and thats FINE. YOU DO YOU AND I DO ME, I only talk about him when it’s essential to talk about the influence he has on characters I DO care about).

As to why people like to characterize the moment Hawks decides to quit being a villain being attributed to Hawks learning Endeavor is an abuser...

The fallout, as mentioned earlier, could vary. A lot. Hawks really looked up to Endeavor when he was young. Again, shattering to find out something so nasty about the one you idolized.

To know that the one Hawks looked up used his wife just like how the hero commission used Hawks. Like an object or tool at their disposal. 

Would he be vengeful or spiteful towards Endeavor personally? To others, probably yes. To me? I’m kind of in the “eh” skeptical ballpark so I guess we somewhat agree on that. To me, Endeavor being exposed as an abuser would  crush that small slither of childish hope that hero society represents something bigger than themselves. Did Hawks ever get to have the childhood Deku had where he was still cheering on the heroes from behind the screen, or did it get crushed just as quickly when he realized how hero society truly works?

Because hero society isn’t bigger than themselves. It shouldn’t be idolized so heavily as it is presented in BNHA.

At least, not in its current state. And people who don’t fit in that group or agree with its ideals suffer the consequences. Like Shigaraki. Like Twice and Spinner. Like Gentle.

These are all villains that are products of society that promised to stamp out villains. And when Hawks realizes that it’s just a never ending cycle where the people left in between the cracks are the ones who perpetuate the system itself...

Like you said, Hawks sees the bigger picture. And his goal is to lessen the burden of the workload for heroes. There will never be a shortage of everyday criminals using their quirks for petty crimes but what about the bigger picture organizations? How are they going to be stopped? What about examining the root core of the problem and going from there? No more short-term solutions to problems... What can Hawks, mighty number two hero, do even at the expense of himself? Hmm... 

I don’t know, just some food for thought. Something I’ve seen done for villain!hawks is the hero commission throwing Hawks under the bus for some reason and Hawks either a) joins the league to gleam more information but finds himself willing to stay or b) has nowhere else to go and it’s more of a push for Hawks to orbit towards the League.

I am really thankful for your thoughts! Even though we don’t agree on things, I think discussion is still possible (whenever my anxiety stops bashing me in the head) and I’m always willing to accept I may be wrong about something. At this point in time (3/27/2019), we have less than 10 chapters released that centers around Hawks, but he’s certainly intrigued a lot of people considering he’s already #4 in popularity from so little chapters released! I think he and his introduction to BNHA represent the more cynical side of hero society that we haven’t been able to properly see from Deku’s perspective!

And I’m interested in what direction Horikoshi is going to take Hawks’ character in! The one thing I’m truly against is Hawks staying the “good little hero” in the end--whether he dies, becomes a villain, or hell even just stops being a hero is good enough for me. Free the bird or kill him off is what I’d want to see. That’d be enough of a character arc for me. Characters change, and it’d be silly to expect Hawks to stay the same especially since he has a lot of baggage on his shoulders and his current situation as a double agent for the League is precarious--despite him stating that he was willing to sacrifice his own reputation for the good of everyone, there’s no guarantee that he wouldn’t feel at least some degree of hurt over losing the respect of everyone and his colleagues. 

My thoughts are pretty clunky but maybe someone was able to gleam something from my stupid 5 am vent...

I love Dabihawks, even though I’m not as invested in it as say Shigahawks or ShigaDabiHawks (which I’m sure you’d definitely have objections to considering your other salt posts... but not something I want to address here), and I still think DabiHawks is a great ship more so because of the dynamic than the aesthetic. But hey, you ship what you ship, you are allowed to express your disdain for the ship--I’ve certainly expressed my own disdain for the your ship in the past--and your salt posts which probably took like 10 minutes to type out provoked me to type out my own thoughts which took like 2 hours to fully process. Like I said earlier: you do you, I do me.

And again-- I’m not trying to “defend” here nor am I trying to “attack”. I just had things I wanted to say and I hope I DON’T have the attitude of someone looking down on you, because I think you have very valid opinions and thoughts and sometimes discourse can just be healthy discussions about how we interpret different characters. We are literally squeezing everything we can out of one character we love and there’s enough room for different interpretations of the same character ^^ If anything, I actually look up to you, which is why I’m too much of a coward to send this to you because oh my god i am so embarrassed about a lot of the shit that comes out of my mouth and i constantly worry about if im saying wrong things even though im open to people telling me why  im wrong about said things. 

tdlr; villains hawks very good. has nothing to do with dabihawks. villain hawks very good on its own. I agree with tumblr user on a lot of things, yet we see differently on other things. The world keeps spinning--I think it’s more interesting to address differences in opinions rather than ignore them. 

(the person this post was meant for will probably never see this unless i send it to them to whcih im like oh my god what if they roast me to hell and back despite me claiming yes i amn ot trying to destroy them or their reputation i just want to talk about this because i had fun trying to think about why i love villain hawks so much aaaaa maybe i am just a delusional fangirl but im also a delusional fangirl who wrote multiple paragraphs about this so... /shrug)

end. again please dont interact. if you want to talk to me about it, inbox/dm me but i dont want this post to get notes. thank you. hides what have I done... 

this has been sorta meta but not really just chicken fucking around at 6 am and good night. maybe sometime in the next... month... ill have the courage to send this to the tumblr user. maybe when i have confidence... or maybe when i make mel look this over. that was a joke- she couldnt even finish my other meta piece which was shorter than this. :)

[calzonekestis]

So, I’m older. I’ve got about 1130 followers. Gonna give a shout out to my homies, with a follow forever/bias list thing where I also compliment y’all bc you deserve it.

@prof-anity Davis is my best friend in the world. Davis is my best friend in the sea.

@thelordvader Bethany is the coolest nerd I know. She’s smart, witty, pretty (selfie game unparalleled), and pretty… much always right. We had been mutuals for years but somehow over the past two years or so became friends and it is still an honor.

@viktorfrankensteins Listen I’ve followed Royan for a while bc Bethany did and I trust Bethany’s judgement, but in just a matter of a few months Royan somehow managed to become one of my most beloved and valued friends. I’ve only known her for a short while but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone on this hell site and then myself.

@jjoelswatch Sarah is honestly one of the first people I remember following on tumblr, like back around 2012, and it’s bc of her I became exposed to Bethany and like… I don’t even know when we really became friends? After being mutuals for so long, it just sort of happened and she’s been a constant and comforting presence ever since. Except when she sends me sad Star Wars videos. That’s not comforting. She’s one good natured people I’ve encountered on the internet tho.

@thealbooty  Alberto is someone I met through Davis years ago, and again, I don’t even know how it happened. One day they were just there, and tho I don’t talk to them nearly enough they are just one of the nicest and raddest people you could meet. I’ve seen them grow from a youngling into an Adult, and gosh, the word could use more people like them. Kind, pure, smart, amazing, spectacular. Killer eyebrows, tbh.

@frostborn is someone who I believe I first encountered through the wonderful ladies listen above, and she herself is just really nice and awesome? She’s another person I don’t talk to nearly enough, but she’s just a lovely presence on my dash. Always liking and reblogging things, making me feel valid.

@rocktheholygrail Dana makes gifs and things, and is always willing to let me exploit her skill by taking requests. She’s also just super chill and friendly, and likes my selfies when I post them, ergo she also makes me feel valid. We also enjoy the same terrible bleached asshole, which I’m not gonna give any context for whatsoever. That’s a bond that connects us tho~

@readytocomply IDEK how or when I started following Stef. She’s another person who is just super nice and chill. She’s talented when it comes to both edits and cosplay. She’s just a great person and I’m glad I know her.

@uncleclustersthirdbrain and @helenawayne, I hope you’re not offended by me lumping you together, but I mean… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Two people who I also first encountered around 2012ish, when I was an obnoxious outspoken teenager. We kind of drifted apart and fell out of touch for a while, but we reconnected actually around this time last year. Because Donnie’s fucking talented, and I wanted to reach out and tell him that I was happy for him/proud of him. Buy his comics here. Morgan ofc is also talented, and has a YouTube channel here. They’re just both good people, who care about people, and they have a cute dog.

@88ecto Derek is someone I’ve respected for going on a decade but somehow over the past year or so, we’ve become really good friends? I’m not even sure how that happened, it’s still surreal for me. He’s actually the one person on this list I’ve had the pleasure of actually meeting. Not to sound like a broken record, but he truly is just a good person. Also, plug.

@apol-lo Cristian. Again, someone who I don’t talk to nearly enough. He’s a good person. Another person who I’ve seen grow up, better himself. He should be proud, cause I’m proud of him. You’ve did alright for yourself, buddy.

@diaryofawriter Again, I don’t remember I met Jess tbh. She’s just been another presence. Whenever I need to rant or vent, she’s there to provide an ear or distraction. Good writer, good friend. She’s rad.

@fullonzombae Kim also likes the bleached asshole. No, I still won’t give you context. She’s got a kind heart, a sharp wit, and is a talented writer. She’s also British, so that automatically gives her some class.

@timelessmulder Emily-Alice and I aren’t even the same fandoms anymore but I wouldn’t recognize my dash without them. Again, they’ve followed me since my tumblr beginnings. She has seen things. The highs, and the lows. A rational and grounded person, who is lovely and deserves good things.

@kryptonians I think I encountered Gil through Davis? I’m not sure. He’s just a good dude. Decent. Rational, funny, and all around good people. He likes Superman. That makes him alright in my book. Pretty much all of my DC exposure comes from his blog these days.

@thejazzdalek Max is another awesome guy who has been a mutual for ages, and that I don’t talk to enough. There’s a pattern here. We have a lot of the same fandoms though, and he’s always been friendly towards me.

@cimikat It’s Katie’s fault I started watching critical role, tbh. Yet another person I’ve followed since the beginning of time. Or at least, 2012. She’s just really sweet and chill. Marvel, Star Wars, whatever content she puts on my dash is Good Content.

@chujo-hime Stacy was “tumblr famous” imo and I remember having a mini freakout when she first followed me. Again, just a constant and friendly presence. A voice of reason, and back during the fandom wankery and ship wars that were going around 2013 or so… that was hard to find. Nothing but respect for her.

@ilikethequiet Ally is the photoshop fairy, and another friend who lets me exploit her talents. She reminds me of Bubbles from Power Puff Girls tbh. Really endearing and happy and fun, tho she’s not afraid to call out bullshit when she needs to. We need to talk more/write together more, friend.

@dreamimpcssiblethings Kath, you honestly are the sweetest person I think I’ve ever met tbh. We don’t talk as much as we used to, and that’s on me. You’re smart, and I love listening to you ramble on about things you’re passionate about and I’m sorry I suck and usually only reply with emojis. You’re another person the world could do to have more people like, but you’re one of a kind my friend.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten someone, and if I have, I’m truly sorry. It’s not a slight. Ilu. I know there are some people I’ve left off bc they’re not really that active anymore on tumblr so.

Also. @mulaney. Notice me.

[darkfurypolice]

A Brief History of Men's Fashion

We’ve said it time and time again, men's wear is ruled by history and tradition. Every person in menswear (designer, stylist, editor, etc) has taken inspiration from the past at one time or another. And no era has been overlooked.

Therefore, as we continue to explore the foundations of personal style, I thought we’d take a quick look back at the last hundred-or-so years in men’s fashion. Perhaps this will provide a little insight or context as to how menswear shifts, and more importantly, how we can make informed decisions when it comes to buying clothing and developing personal style.

LATE 1800S: LAST OF THE VICTORIANS

As the nineteenth century came to an end men were slowly shaking-off the Victorian influence which still had them wearing tophats, frock coats, and pocket watches while carrying walking sticks. This may seem like an elaborate and restrictive way to dress, but it was a big step in the right direction considering the Georgian period that proceeded it had men wearing feathers, panty hose, and high heels. And you thought you were a “dandy”.

1900S: TALL, LONG & LEAN

As we moved into the 1900s men’s clothing was predominantly utilitarian and rather unimaginative. The long, lean, and athletic silhouette of the late 1890s persisted, and tall, stiff collars characterize the period. Three-piece suits consisting of a sack coat with matching waistcoat and trousers were worn, as were matching coat and waistcoat with contrasting trousers, or matching coat and trousers with contrasting waistcoat. Sounds familiar, right? Trousers were shorter than before, often had “turn-ups” or “cuffs“, and were creased front and back using the newly-invented trouser press.

After the war (which introduced numerous classic menswear designs which are still used today, like trench coats and cargos), business started to pick-up and Americans had more money. More money allowed them to travel more and broaden their horizons culturally and aesthetically. Many crossed the Atlantic to England and France. Naturally they returned with suitcases full of the latest fashions being worn overseas.

Of all the countries, England had the most influence on American menswear. In the 1920s American college students began putting their own spin on pieces being worn at the legendary Oxford University, including button-down shirts, natural-shouldered jackets, regimental ties, and colorful argyle socks. Furthermore, the Prince of Wales, who later became the Duke of Windsor, was the world’s most important and influential menswear figure. Through newsreels, newspapers, and magazines the elegant Prince became the first international “style icon” and became widely known and renowned for his impeccable taste in clothing. He was a legitimate trendsetter for every day people and it was the first time in history that clothing advertisers would use a celebrity face to sell clothing, shamelessly plugging their items “as worn by the Prince”.

3 BENEFITS TO WEARING SILK SCARVES VS COTTON SCARVES

If you're confused by whether a silk scarf is better than a cotton scarf, then you will want to be able to weight the pros and cons of silk and cotton scarves. In this post, you will find our list of benefits and drawbacks of wearing a silk scarf over a cotton scarf.

1. SILK WILL NOT IRRITATE YOUR SKIN

First of all, silk will not irritate your skin. Silk is much more delicate than cotton. The roughness of cotton can sometimes cause or worsen pimples.

This is in part due to the fact that silk is hydrophobic, meaning it does not hold water well. Cotton absorbs the moisture it is exposed to. That is why wearing cotton can cause acne, as cotton clothing retains oils that creates pimples. But moisture rolls right off of silk.

2. SILK IS HYPOALLERGENIC

Another benefit of silk is that silk is hypoallergenic. Silk resists dust, mold, and fungus. You are unlikely to have an allergic reaction to wearing silk.

3. SILK IS A FASHIONABLE, LUXURY MATERIAL

Last but not least, silk fabrics shine in a way cotton cannot match. This makes silk an excellent choice for showing brilliant colours and artistic patterns.

How To Wear A Square Scarf1)The Basic Fold:

There are many ways to tie a scarf, this one is one of the most popular ways all of them. This fold is the starting point of three easy ways of putting on the square scarf. They are not only simple for everyday use but also look effortless with any casual outfits.

Lay down your square scarf on a surface

Folds two sides to form triangles and lay as they just touch the tips

Fold each of the triangles to create a rectangle and align as they reach side by side.

Fold from the half to pack it up, as shown in the last photo.

2) Simple Loop around Neck:

Place a basic folded scarf around your neck with the two corners facing down. Take one of the corners and twist it around your neck. Adjust the length of each side.

3) Simple Neck Tie Knot:

Place a basic folded scarf around your neck with the two corners facing down. Take the edges and make a knot, take one of the sides and face it up to hide the knot behind the tie.

How to Choose Yoga Clothes

Refining a downward dog or trying a new balance pose at the yoga studio is challenging enough on its own, but it’s made even harder when you’re fiddling with sagging, too tight or uncomfortable yoga clothes. That’s why it’s important to purchase clothes that are breathable, flexible and comfortable.

Your yoga vest purchases will depend largely on personal preference, as well as the style of yoga you plan to practice. But at a high level, here’s what to wear to yoga (see below for a more detailed discussion of these yoga basics):

Breathable, flexible bottoms like yoga pants or shorts

A breathable, narrow- or form-fitting top that won’t hang over your head when you’re upside down.

For women, a sports bra or built-in shelf bra that offers enough support for the type of yoga you’re practicing

A comfortable, warm top layer for end-of-class savasana (corpse pose) or after class when you’ve cooled down

What to Look For in Yoga Clothing

Many yoga clothes are made with polyester-nylon-spandex blends, and for good reason—these fabrics offer the right balance of comfort, breathability and flexibility:

Comfort: There’s nothing worse than practicing yoga in an uncomfortable piece of clothing. As you tune into your body, you don’t want to focus on itchy seams and tags, saggy or too tight waistbands, or fabric that binds and chafes.

Breathability: Depending on the type of yoga you practice, you may sweat a little or a lot. Particularly if you’re sweating a lot, it’s important to wear breathable and moisture-wicking materials to keep you cool and comfortable. Tank tops, shirts with cutouts and yoga slim pants with mesh pockets will all improve breathability and venting. Avoid cotton, which holds moisture, makes you feel hot and damp, then leaves you prone to chafing or getting chilled when class winds down.

Flexibility: Yoga involves bending, stretching, binding, lunging, reaching and rolling. Your clothes need to be able to keep up with these movements, which means they’ll probably be made with at least 15 percent spandex.

There are few things as empowering as sexy lingerie. Throw on a pair of lacy knickers and a tulle bra and sit back as your confidence immediately skyrockets. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship, dating (in a pandemic!) or single this Valentine's Day, because we all now know that lingerie – even the sexiest – is actually all about you.

Sure, our undies are well hidden under a tracksuit right now... but knowing that a sexy lingerie set is working its magic under your oversized hoodie and joggers is not only a confidence-booster – but a mood lifter, too. And there's no better time than the most romantic weekend of the year to invest. After all, how much more together does your life feel when you actually manage to put on a pair of knickers and a bra that match?

While there will always be space in our underwear drawer (and hearts) for a big Bridget Jones-style knicker and wireless bra, a cute new bra and brief set is a season-less purchase, rendering it a wise buy always and something you can absolutely justify investing in. That pair of designer shoes you’ve been saving for might be out of style come next winter, but some ladies sexy lingerie? Timeless. Granted, everyone has different preferences when it comes to underwear, so it's lucky that there are tonnes of lingerie brands out there, each offering sexy designs in their own right.

We thought we'd save you the legwork and hunt down the very best sexy lingerie that money can buy for Valentine's Day (you should also check out our dedicated guide to Valentine's Day lingerie if you haven't already), from the best lingerie brands in the business. We’ve got balconette bras, suspenders, high-waist knickers, wireless bras, matching sets and all the sheer/lacy/tulle fabric. We’ve even thrown in a few one-pieces for good measure.

High up on our wish list right now is this Carine Gilson teal and lace silk satin bra (with sexy matching briefs) to boot which have both been crafted in her Brussels atelier. There's also this plum lace body from the name in sexy lingerie, Agent Provocateur - which is not only currently half price, but in stock in ALL sizes. A true lingerie miracle.

[howltoyoutoo-blog]

Why Does It Matter?

So, here’s the part where I give you some context.

I am a writer. I’m not sure if I’m a good writer yet, and I am working on it, but I know that I love to write. It’s something that I have seen in myself for as long as I can remember, just like my love of reading. Recently I have decided to once again give writing another try, and instead of bottling up my ideas in my mind, I’ve gritted my teeth and forced the contents out. It’s almost painful for me to write, I’m so focused on trying to form the images in my mind into a proper description, and when I do find one I’m constantly overanalyzing every line, trying to find the meaning behind the words that I have written. Writing means something to me, it’s my outlet for expressing the emotions that I can’t figure out how to speak.

I have this friend, we’ll call her Claire. We’ve been friends since high school, and I’m well aware of how unhealthy our relationship can be. We are very similar, and where our differences collide, so do we. Time and time again we’ve hurt each other, but ultimately come back together. I often rationalize with myself that the next time something happens, the next time I’m hurt, I’ll walk away. The path that I’m walking is a circle.

What happened today is hardly the worst thing that’s ever happened between us, but it hurts all the same. We have a mutual friend, let’s call her Marissa. Marissa and Claire used to be engaged, but they broke up mutually and are now just best friends and roommates. Marissa has recently started a web comic, and the two of us have found a new line of connection through the rekindling of our passions. It gives me someone to confide in about this project that I care so much about, who won’t judge me for caring so much about it. About a week after Marissa and I started chatting more, Claire starts a blog to vent out her frustrations. Claire hasn’t written, like me, since high school. I realize that her realize quickly that the reason Claire did not tell me directly about her blog is probably the same reason that I didn’t bring up my story. It’s best if we don’t talked about what we care about with each other. Over the past 6 years I’ve learned that the things that excite us are different, and a lack of interest from the other, however unintentional, could result in one of us getting upset. It has definitely happened before.

We have been drifting away from each other over the past year, and I have been trying to reach out, not to keep myself grounded, but to ground her. She has a history of letting her emotions dominate what she does, the positive ones and the negative ones. Marissa confided in me today that Claire mentioned that I text Marissa more than I text her. Marissa said that she jokingly said that she (Marissa) was stealing her best friend (Me). I’d like to note that I text the two about the same amount, and if one texts me I will usually text the other around the same time. My conversations with Claire are very one sided, I try to bring up topics, to make the conversation keep going, and Claire responds with one word answers, acting uninterested in keeping the conversation going. My conversations with Marissa however go on for a long time, because we are both engaged, no matter the topic. She responds with enthusiasm, and I respond the same. I have been showing Marissa my writing as it progresses, and a few days ago I offered to send some to Claire if she would like to read it, and Claire said sure. Today I asked her if she had read it, to which she responded “a bit”. When I inquired to what she thought, her response was that it was “pretty chill.” Claire may not be extremely vocal about what she thinks, but she usually gives more than that. Up to this point I have been giving her feedback on her blog posts, trying to send as much support as I could to her. Her lackluster response to my writing, something she knows is hard for me to produce and even harder for me to share, hurt a lot. I would have preferred it if she had punched me in the stomach, it would have hurt less.

Immediately I felt the drop, the motivation I have been trying to keep a grasp on turn to ash in my hands. All because I expected something more when I knew I wouldn’t get it. I know that there are a lot more details I could provide, but this post has probably rambled on for long enough. For the record, I’m not giving up. I’ve piled that ash into a jar and I will rebuild it speck by speck.

The point of all this is, why does it matter what she thinks, or what others think at all? I value the criticism that I get, and I go over my work with it to find the faults and adjust the issues. But I don’t let it effect my feelings towards my work, and I shouldn’t let someone’s lack of care about my work, no matter how much I value them as a person, become a roadblock in my way.

I really felt like I needed to express what this situation has done for me, how I’m letting it open my eyes to my weakness: Influence. I let outside sources influence not only my writing, but the process as well. I plan to work on this. Thank you to any and all who have continued reading this all the way through. I hope that you all have a wonderful rest of your day.

- Howl