#prove that im still here
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the fox god.
a comic about a trickster.
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creative notes:
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all my other comics
store
#cw: emotional abuse#cw: gaslighting#cw: animal death#charity - a god whose name was only ever meant to be ironic#i love playing with the concept of religion like this#im not religious at all but i did go to a christian school for twelve years#and i remember learning about the story of abraham. who long story short gets told by god to kill his son to prove his love for god.#and at the veeeery last minute god goes sike! this was a test to see if you'd do it! here's a lamb to slaughter instead#but the whole concept of that exchange in and of itself is so#anyway#one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.#it's just “fox”. which was a small touch to indicate that he never acknowledged cunning's identity outside of being something exploitable.#but for all charity's hidden disdain for cunning#he still stole all his strengths and coveted them. he became known as the fox god.#so maybe some part of cunning survived. despite everything.#“give me your heart.”#“my god. it had always been yours.”#comic art#hearteaters#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics#one more comic to go until im finished with this collection!!
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a little strange to get dms from other trans people saying they agree with biden's dumb statemet that he doesnt want minors getting gender-affirming care. if you really think its such an epidemic that 13 year olds are getting their knockers blown off by surgeons every other day, then please point me in the direction of said 13 year olds that are somehow accessing gender-affirming care that literal trans adults can't even access.
like please be fr. we literally have privatized healthcare and insurance where not even people who go through the appropriate avenues can get approved for care they need to stay alive. what makes you think a trans minor is getting phallo or vaginalplasty. feel whatever you want about 13 year olds who want gender-affirming care, but dont parrot transphobic rhetoric that is based on no facts and a moral panic. they second they legitimize barriers to care for trans minors is the second they start finding ways to do the same for trans adults. dont be a buffoon.
#muerto talks#im sorry but you look a little foolish saying all that#especially as a trans person#do i think a 13 year old should get a major surgery? idk! im not said 13 year old! and neither are you!#leave that up for the 13 year olds and their team of doctors and family and friends and therapists and whatever#but limiting access to care#even if they have to wait a few years is still going to get trans kids killed#somehow intersex newborns getting their genitals mutilated to be easily categorized is not too young for such invasive surgeries#but a 13 year old is?#yeah i see whats happening here#an infant cant reject socially imposed ideas of gender much less consent to invasive surgery#but you will white knuckle whatever power you have over a child who dares to express themselves freely#i couldnt even get top surgery in my 20s without two letters of approval and several months of therapy proving that i needed this#u people will believe anything#use ur head please just for once and stop listening to the fears the moral panic spews at ys
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doodle dump :3
some of these r comic wips that i prob won't get to (the last one is post w7 where an anxious usopp places traps around the sunny and sanji gets caught in one bfhdkjs)
#drawings that weren't good enough to get their own posts so im dumping them here bgfhkdj#op#one piece#art#my art#mintart#sanuso#usosan#sanrio sanuso#sanji#mr prince#vinsmoke sanji#usopp#also adding onto the last one i wanted it to be short and sweet with sanji reassuring usopp that he didn't need to prove his usefulness but#tbh it got too long to become a comic cuz that's a whole ass conversation i wrote out and then deleted cuz no way am i drawing allat#I HAVE EXAMS 💔#i still like the concept tho so im releasing it out into the world do as u please with it#im just not the best Worder#also the yellow and red ones r from lars' strawpage LOL#hi lars if ur reading this im turning u into spaghetti#the winter sanji one is from the sanji collab but i actually kinda hate how it looks#so it's not getting its own post 😭😭😭
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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As much as I joke, I should note that I don't actually see Bill as a sweet little innocent baby who couldn't do no harm.
It's hard to explain but: Do I still feel bad that I now know he didn't intend to destroy his dimension and carries that grief, and that truly he's a desperate person trying to find him and his friends a home to stay in so they don't disintegrate when the edge of the world approaches them? Yeah. Does that mean id be totally fine if he had taken over earth and turned it into the nightmare realm? HELL NO! Get that dorito bastard away from my dirt!!!
Do I feel bad that he's suffering in theraprism? Kinda, yeah. Do I find it hilarious that he's suffering in theraprism. Absolutely. Is that a question? That's fucking awesome. These coexist simultaneously in my mind.
#gravity falls#bill cipher#book of bill#book of bill spoilers#its hard to say he got what he deserved because#he was kinda a victim of circumstance?#like I wanna say “he didn't have to try and show his dimension his visions”#but as someone who relates to characters who desperately feel they have to prove the world they see to others#i cant say his actions are *entire* selfish and that hes awful for that#and then from that moment on hes on the run#looking at it that way you can see all the justifications he made to himself#“if im being chased by the law anyway why not break a few more interdimentional laws?”#“well if we stay here were gonna die so i might as well steal the home of SOME dimension right?”#“im just a guy trying to survive out here. i gotta make a living somehow”#yet still. knowing hes kinda a victim of circumstances he still chose to be cruel#i still judge him for destroying what never belonged to him in a desperate attempt for attention and control#which is kinda why a second chance and therapy is great for him#finally he wont have those circumstances and hes being forced to learn from his actions and change#...still hilarious though HJRBDJJYG#hes so upset in therapy its so funny omg
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i'm still here........ and convinced he thinks mitch might disappear if he takes his eyes off of him for one second. what a ridiculous series of images, i'm so so......... SO obsessed with them
#1634#like. he is jsut.. LOOKING#L👁👁KING#and cannot stop#any other normal human being would not be like tjfkdlszxnj#like whats he waiting for.. is there some inside joke here#did mitch have to leave n come back for some silly reason n hes like. waiting to see mitchs reaction like#the cute dedicated puppy he is.#ik we talk abt mitch being puppy coded but like. what is all this then. JKFLDSLFK#devotion and love knows no bounds it really doesnt#the way 3 seconds of footage will keep me fed for hours-to-days like im sorry but its just.#auston matthews#mitch marner#there is no way around... whatever the hell this is#adn their joy abt getting to play hockey and be near each other#its one thing to hear abt these commentators n insiders talk abt them as a pair in a lot of ways. n know those things bc they get to see#them behind the scenes all the time#but the glimpses we receive.... ohhhohohoho boy#its a new year. new teammates. but always them#every day i convince myself mitch is such a significant reason austons still here and every day i prove myself correct#psychoanalyzing clips of them to DEATH.
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on the next album 🖤
Chris Motionless – METALSHOP Interview (2024) [x]
#missed his rambling <3#thanks to ely for the picture that went with the article i found this in#i am. frothing at the mouth#posting miw content to prove im still alive#still here still standing (for now)#chris motionless#motionless in white#miw#usersotr#memories#dont know why thats my tag for these
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#if the rumors are true about hs4#which im still just. vibing about i dont have an opinion here or there#BUT if they are#i really do hope he delves more into the rock scene#imo hs1 is his best record when it comes to seeing his long-term potential#and fine line features elements of rock that was prevalent in hs1#i just think harry's stage persona and interests work so well under the rock umbrella#his voice and writing style would perform so well in the genre after having three other albums under his belt#like hes won the grammys hes won the brits#hes done residencies#hes done practically everything he can in the pop sphere#lets see him return to his roots since he has nothing to 'prove' anymore as a solo artist#he can just experiment and howl and write freaky lil lyrics and have killer guitar solos#give me all the glamrock elements#please
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feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole
#hivemind tv#hmfcu#riley savage#graydon weaver#quadeca#jane remover#eden burke#my art#2023#fanart#doodles#furry#its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online#doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself#and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling#and come back and then the cycle repeats#its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard#so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)'#NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here#and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out#and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave#i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style#idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment#i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one”#or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it”#sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse#whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m#friends for a while i think#woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography
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day 8: blue
the uniform itches. some days it's easier to put on than others, but of course it always fucking itches, even after caitlyn had let her get away with numerous dress code violations; typical topside clothes, starched stiff, built for show before basic movement.
vi still doesn't like it, probably never will. part of her feels like a coyote at a dog show, out of place with a leash too tight around her neck, and part of her just wants to vomit every time she looks in the mirror. if vander could see her- if her younger self could see her- if powder could see her-
jinx. it's jinx now. right.
that makes her want to vomit too, every time it comes out of her fucking mouth.
it's going to be worth it, though. vi will call jinx whatever she wants, she'll lie through her teeth when caitlyn kisses her and she'll put up with all the mockery she deserves if that's what it takes. all she needs is patience, which, yeah, vi has never had a lot of, but for her sister, she can manage. all she has to do is follow in caitlyn's footsteps to find her sister again, convince caitlyn not to hurt her and then she can burn the fucking dress blues and- and-
(she hasn't really thought about what comes after the happy ending.)
#arcane#arctober#vi#levi.doc#today had me thinking abt how blue is so strongly associated w both love (jinx + caitlyn) and violence (hextech + enforcers) to vi#and exactly how thin/malleable that line is for her#i dont know exactly how to articulate it but this prompt could have gone so many ways and it makes me feel kind of nuts#but i decided on this one bc im still strongly on 'vi has a secret plan to save jinx that requires going undercover as an enforcer'#-> caitlyn isnt in the know -> vi blows her cover by saving jinx -> caitvi divorce bc caitlyn wants jinx Dead/in prison + vi doesnt#(i am also so sure vi saving jinx here is when caitlyn blows off jinxs finger!!)#idk if s2 will prove me completely wrong?? but lets see#(please dont tell me. i keep saying this but i want to make it so clear i dont want to hear anything from or abt the leaks ever)
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HI GUYS!! QUICK QUESTION
#why only these 3?#because i said so#why isnt crychu here??#I decided how i want his revealed and its achivable#the ones listed here are like super extensive#they'd take ages to properly write out#/make enough content for to explain it all#im still making them of course#but im inpatient and need to prove my talk of suffering isnt just yap#bsd#bungo stray dogs manga#chuuyabsd#chuuya#bungou stray dogs#i love him#bungo stray dogs#nakahara chuuya#chuuya bsd#bsd chuuya#chuuya au#au asks
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
#ganondoodles talks#tloz#totk#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#besides i have leanred that i tend to have the unpopular opinions and frankly im tired of the hate directed at me#if you disagree thats fine but please dont spam me with why you think its cool actually#bc it just feels like yet another argument starting as to why im wrong and need to be talked down to and also suck actually#sorry its been all over my timeline on twitter so i just had to throw my dumbass opinion out there again#and it was a few times more than id like in a row where my random thought posts where torn apart by arguing people needing to prove im wron#the dragons where something i just absolutely loved in botw#they hold a special place in my heart and i dont like the thought of them too being just yet another sonau thing#i feel more secure posting my thoughts here than on twitter#but still i dont want to sound overly negative so i will hold back from now on#unless im exhausted and overly tired and not feeling that great physically like right now i guess lol#ill just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore everything i dont like but everyone else loves like always#anyway i need some sleep#ill be fine after that i think#and then try to resume work on destiny and a commission i havent had the energy to get to
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Whenever I feel bad about symptoms from my illnesses, I think of my sibling's horse growing up, whose name was Batman and who was so allergic to grass he had to be wrapped up like a christmas present every summer to prevent rashes. I don't know if that makes me feel better exactly, but if Batman could cope and continue to mosey around like the gentle old man he was, then maybe I can cope with being completely bedridden certain days.
#idk ANY english horse terms but if you google gotlandsruss thats the type of horse he was#he was such a sweet darling we have no idea who gave him the name Batman of all things#he came to us when he was 14#most of the horses we had when i grew up were named by us since they were born in our stables#but then you get the occasional ones such as Batman or Duchess Kash#(idk what the sport is called in english. harness racing? anyway thats the type of horse duchess was)#as the name implies she was a huge diva. super sweet with me and my sibling though! an angel!#which just proves she knew how to behave with others she just chose not to <3 just like Mirka#god i miss horses. and i miss harness racing. but mostly i just miss cuddling with horses and tending to them#on one hand its nice to not have to worry so much for their well being. and it IS a lifestyle or at least it was for me.#sometimes i dream of having like 2 or 3 shetland ponies just to dote on and go out with on walks#or like 2 swedish ardennes to put a cart behind like mom did with willmar a couple years back#those are so iconic for their long history in my village. not the only place of course. but its still so notable here#maybe one day who knows.......#im rambling idk why#silvi talks
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i swear i have the body of a 50 yr old. i did something mildly active for less than an hour today and my back Aches. who authorized this
#my back: oughhhh im so weak you need to lay down and be still for ten hours#honey i do not have the patience nor the time for that#i am chugging this soup and then im Really Fuckin Crunching The Packing & Cleaning#my mother gets here at like 2 am and i want to get shit done before she arrives#so that i can be told i did a good job for once in my damn life#sorry that was pathetic!#i actually am just a spiteful creature that wants to prove that Hey. maybe i can be relied upon this one time#bet she expects to get here to see an absolute mess w/ not nearly enough packed#JOKES ON YOU FUCKER IM DOIN IT ALL ON MY OWN#i got shit done Without you. ha!#also i want to go whale watching tomorrow#i need to be on the water... i need it.... big aminal please...#rambles from the bog#i feel so. Independent. and tired#took the cats to the vet all on my own. got them a prescription. rode in two ubers and made casual conversation both times#completely fumbled a brief interaction with a really cute girl who was definitely outta my league#me: wants to talk to cute girl. if she offers to get the door for you say Yes#brain: look at the floor. ignore her. say 'no ive got it' when she offers to get the door for you#sobbing and wailing. totally won otherwise lmao#my cats were so good!!! they were so sweet and they Listened!#they stayed on the weighing plate & let their claws be clipped#they were so friendly and nice and WELL BEHAVED WHAT WAS THAT#when i try to clip their claws i get squirmy mc wormie and little miss war crimes#i walk away with new scars and nothin to show for it#but noooo. vets do it and not a peep. not a single wriggle. no hisses or meows. just hangin out#man. at least my cats are comfy enough with me to be up front w their desires#fuckin fakers... beautiful sweet well behaved fakers....#the vets absolutely loved them btw. all three people that were in the room loved how sweet my little critters were <3#i am Proud tbh
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can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless
#sorry to be so fatalistic on main i just have zero faith in the american public atp#i just rly wanted to believe that more americans couldve used this opportunity to prove to the rest of the world that we arent all a bunch#of sensationalist/conspiracy-driven/aggressively braindead/violent/bigoted alt-right lunatics#& i never had much faith in kamala & walz to begin with obviously im incredibly cynical towards these status quo gatekeepers and the#downright impotence of the neoliberal democratic party#but this wouldve been an easy swerve away from dozens MORE of horrible awful inhumane policies that will ultimately vanquish#the quality of life for the entire american working class like myself and our already pisspoor education system and our lousy#climate change policies and impossible living standards#but no unfortunately there is no way in hell for americans to prove even a modicum of intelligence or worth we're all basically suicidal#and despite my own immense yank bashing tendencies and complete disdain for our government i really wanted this country & my ppl to defy#our own reputation of being so fucking stupid and backwards i really did. in the tiniest little place of my heart was legitimate hope#& a tiny bit of patriotism thats now been squashed completely & this was just another large-scale international humiliation that we legit#voted that guy BACK IN after everything that has happened the last four even eight years. its unbelievable.#again obviously i dont like kamala but it still wouldve been a grand opportunity to stall against what the gop is already destroying#and with push and shove we could have made slight progress forward as a country and try to protect our social programs#be it as flawed as they are and with enough support we could have strengthened them a little. make drugs less expensive. continue forward#with clean energy decreasing our use of fossil fuels even more.#protect our education system so the up and coming generations could receive higher standards of learning than what the rest of us had#NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. im too poor to continue living here and im too poor to fucking leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SORRY THIS WAS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LONG THANK U FOR READING IF U DID MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE MUSH RIGHT NOW SO I DONT KNOW HOW#INTELLIGIBLE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE#and if this makes anyone mad @ all then ill just delete it cuz by god i dont need more grief and self hatred !#txt
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