#pros and cons of being autistic i guess

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

most of the Feelings i had during my last two major hyperfixations (RDR and CP77) were contained to my twitter but man... it was bad. in a good way i guess. but also godDAMN, i fell HARD

[professor-nobody]

People Nowadays: OMG, CRT TVs are SO cool and vintage! It's so difficult to find one to put aesthetic videos >⁠.⁠<

Me , a latino , who had a CRT tv since childhood because we were poor:

[the-everqueen]

bitching in the tags

[sniffanimal]

I think something the self diagnosis discourse has missed the forest for the trees. There's something I've basically never seen come up in posts discussing the pros and cons of self diagnosis that I think is actually rather integral to the whole thing! That being: labeling your lived experience matters far less than your lived experience.

What I mean by this, is that labels like ADHD, Autistic, BPD, Depression, etc can feel comfortable, and can *help* you find resources or a community. But at the end of the day, the thing that actually matters is if that resource or community actually helps you or not.

And, disclaiming right up front, this isn't a post about if you should or shouldn't self diagnose yourself. I'm not a psychologist! I have no clue what's going on with you. And I know there's barriers for many reasons on if someone can or desires to seek a professional diagnosis. That's not the point here. The point here is what do you do once you've got that diagnosis (self-determined or otherwise).

More nuance+resources+sources on some stuff below the cut.

I'm going to talk mostly from the point of view about ADHD/Autistic experiences since I think that broadly covers a larger part of the whole thing that this is about, and is also included in my lived experience, as well as the people I support and work with for my job. But all this can also apply to people with personality disorders and mood disorders, and probably some other stuff.

I personally think "Do I have ADHD?" is a useless question. It can be really relieving to have something to explain why you experience things, or why your brain works a certain way. But ultimately "How do I manage this symptom/behavior/emotion/etc" is the much better question. If you watch a video that says "if you are constantly forgetting to do the dishes even though you can see the full sink right there you might have ADHD", and you think "gosh, I do that, do I have ADHD?" try thinking about it instead about like, "How can I remember to do the dishes more frequently?"

I guess I will agree that from there you can be more in tune to future ADHD posts, and maybe consider looking into ADHD resources, etc. But that's exactly the point I'm making here, the resources and things you do to manage your mental health is infinitely more important than what you call it. If you benefit from ADHD resources, it doesn't matter if you *do* have ADHD or not, you are using resources to manage your mental health! Congratulations!

And you know, maybe I'm just like, experiencing the symptom of not understanding subtext, and maybe this was something people meant when they talk about pro- or anti- self diagnosis, but it's nothing I've really noticed. All people seem concerned about is whether or not a doctor agrees that the combination of symptoms you have match the generally agreed upon combination of symptoms. Like, that's all this discourse seems to be. No one really brings the idea of *working on* your mental health into any of this! Or if they do, they bring up some boogeyman like "finite resources" for people (as in, "if you don't really have autism, you're taking up resources for actual autistic people" etc.)

So what are these resources that can help you even if you don't have a diagnosis, a doctor, medication, a therapist, etc?

This (the Job Accomodation Network) is my favorite place to point people to for a starter on what kind of assistance they could benefit from. The idea of this site is for determining what reasonable accommodations someone might ask for in the workplace (usually provided they have a medical diagnosis), but it's also good to investigate ideas for things that might help you!

For example, if you click on ADHD and scroll down, it has a list like this

You don't need a diagnosis to try out and decide if these kinds of things could work for you. Lets look at another one. This is from the list of possible things for OCD regarding non-compliant behaviors (which is job speak for "not able to do the task the way we want")

If you think you could have OCD, maybe try out some of these things, like a white noise machine, to see if they help. They might not! But it's something to consider!

You don't need to have OCD to benefit from a white noise machine helping you focus. You don't need Autism to find sensory toys soothing and grounding. You don't need depression to go on walks to get extra vitamin D. You don't need BPD to ask your friends to check on you once in a while. If you benefit from something, that's what matters the most!

I guess what this is ultimately coming to is there's no boogeyman of finite resources being used up by self-diagnosers. And if you are pursuing self-diagnosis, consider to yourself how useful the label is, and if looking into actually how to manage it is more useful.

Please be niceys in the notes so i dont have to turn off reblogs ok. Goodbye and I love you and I want the best for you!

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I am a 33 year old woman who is beginning to suspect that I am autistic and/or have ADHD. I have never been diagnosed as such, although I have been in the mental health care system for twelve years. The diagnosis of BPD and Bipolar Disorder have been thrown around by my doctors but don't totally, accurately fit. I am beginning to wonder if getting myself diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD would be productive or, because I have come this far without a diagnosis, just too much at this point in my life. I have struggled with emotional dysregulation (among with many, many other symptoms) for years and am only able to have a part-time job. I have wanted answers for years to why I am not able to be high functioning. I guess my question is -- will being officially diagnosed help me substantially enough that it will be worth going through the stress, cost, etc.? I know this is probably something that only I can answer for myself, ultimately, but wondering about your thoughts. Thank you!

Hi there,

It’s up to you if you want a diagnosis. Many women are misdiagnosed. According to one article:

Girls with autism may have less obvious social difficulties and often have better verbal communication than a boy with autism might. For girls with ADHD, they often aren’t as hyperactive and may not have the disruptive behaviour some boys may have. This means that many girls with these conditions may be overlooked by their parents, teachers and even clinicians as the diagnostic criteria do not match with their symptoms.

There are pros and cons of getting a diagnosis:

I hope this information helps. Maybe my followers can help too.

Thanks for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[oc-x-canon-chaos]

Finally making an intro post. Hi

Sup. I’m a cringey little weirdo and I like Vocaloid, as you can tell from my profile picture. I am autistic and rely on imagining fictional characters to help me handle tough stuff in my life. Keep that in mind if you talk to me.

I do not tolerate ship discourse. I don’t care if you’re pro or anti, if I don’t like the ship, I’m blocking you. Im curating my experience, and my experience says no to basically every popular ship. If you don’t like that, this isn’t the blog for you, the only ship stuff I’m reblogging is me x my F/O. I think “pro ship” people are childish and immature, so if you unironically call yourself that, leave me alone and touch grass, but I’ve also had people say I’m a bad person for self shipping with a video game villain, so like. Extremists on either side DNI. I will block you. Fyi, I WILL block and report adults who self ship with minors. ESPECIALLY if the character isn’t aged up. I know there’s nuance to aging up characters if they naturally sue over the course of their story or whatever, but if the character is a kid and your s/I is an adult it grosses me out and it’s creepy af.

I also block people whose self ships are purposefully abusive. It feels like you’re romanticizing abuse and idc if it’s a coping mechanism, it makes me uncomfortable and I’m controlling MY experience. I’m fine with “sharing” F/Os, as long as you aren’t shaming my headcannons while you do it. I’m not gatekeeping Megurine Luka from everyone ever, I just don’t want to get harassed because you don’t like the pet name I think she’d use for me. Im a polyselfshipper, so all the fictional characters I’m “dating” are with me at the same time. Right now, I only have two romantic F/Os, and they aren’t dating each other. Most of my F/Os are platonic or familial. If I’m posting about an underage character, assume they’re my imaginary adopted child. I’m not being gross about them, I promise. I love interacting in reblog games! I might make some of my own!

My F/Os include:

Megurine Luka. She’s a romantic/queerplatonic partner of mine, and she’s very sweet. I imagine she’s with me to help when I’m in a crowded situation or experiencing anxiety— she is an idol, after all, and she’s used to crowds!

Springtrap. Yes, that Springtrap. He’s a queerplatonic/romantic partner. He’s here to make me feel like I have someone strong and scary on my side, to defend me. On the other side, I show him how to be a person again, by taking care of my needs. It’s a real “I can fix him” situation.

Hatsune Miku. She’s a platonic/best friend F/O. She helps with my self esteem, and makes me feel a loved and appreciated. Also, she’s Miku. There are no cons of imaginary best friend Miku.

Elizabeth Afton. Before anyone gets concerned, she is a familial F/O. I see her as my adopted kid. She helps me feel like I can protect and care for someone, and that I’m not irresponsible enough to let her get Circus Baby’d.

Withered Chica! She’s like my daughter and I love her so much. I think the official lore is that me and Springtrap adopted her (in my self ship AU, he’s separate from William, he just has his soul, so he wasn’t technically responsible for that happening to her)

Kaai Yuki. She’s another fictional adopted child of mine. I want to keep her safe!

Lacey from Lacey’s games. She’s another adopted kid F/O, I just want her to have a happy life, and imagine I rescued her and am helping her grow up and move through her trauma.

Mr. Plant and Argos from the World of Mr. Plant! They’re platonic/friend F/Os. I just like to imagine that I’m hanging out with them in the Void.

Gumi. she’s Gumi.

Howl (from howl’s moving castle). we have chemistry but we aren’t, like, together or anything, I just like thinking about him. I guess he’s my celebrity crush F/O!

There are a few others, but these are my main F/Os!

Some images that remind me of them ⬇️

[these-written-reveries]

I just told my mom I'm autistic/adhd and it was so awkward 😭🙈😫 I already knew she wouldn't be receptive in the way I deep down wish she would be, but she at least didn't say anything rude to my face about it like I was expecting her to so...I guess that's a win? All of this bc I want some noise canceling headphones for my birthday bc I'm suffering and I really think they will help me. I wish I had more loving and accepting parents who didn't just brush off everything I say, act like I'm dumb for being vulnerable enough to bring it up, and then go on to use said thing against me. I knew this when I said it, but I weighed the pros and cons and I would rather risk them using this as ammo against me, in which they might say some hurtful stuff to me sometimes (nothing new), than to continue on suppressing and masking so much in my own home. It is literally painful and it makes everything worse for me. It's not like I'll ever be able to feel safe enough to fully unmask around them, but I also have been unmasking in ways that I can't control and to have to work 3x's as hard to build that mask up and hide who I am in moments when I'm around them (which is quite frequent since I live with them) is way more exhausting and painful than anything else. I'm tired of it. I'm literally burnt out partially bc of that. So, fuck it! They're gonna be abusive assholes no matter what, they already don't like me bc I'm not "normal", why not add another reason to their list of "Why We Hate Kalista", hm? Nothing I haven't heard/experienced before! At least I can wear my headphones and stim and talk to my sister about our neurodivergence in the living area without worrying about them finding out I'm autistic. What a silly waste of time. I'm glad I ripped the bandaid off. Imagine if I continued with that shit for the rest of my life with them? Nah, I'll choose me over you any day. I'm not here to make you comfortable and give in to the fear of your expressed disdain against me. And????🤨 what the fuck is new?! I've accepted that you'll never love me -you aren't capable of it, I get it. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and I finally understand that now. What you say/do may still hurt me, but it will never rip me to pieces like it used to. I love myself. Unconditionally. That's all that fucking matters.

So good job me for being brave and authentic and vulnerable, no matter how scary or painful it gets. My days of high masking, self-hatred, and suppressing who I truly am are over. I'm looking forward to finding new ways to grow and express myself more authentically -and to getting better at tuning the assholes out! *with my new noise canceling headphones!!!*🥰🤭

[butterfly-in-progress]

The phrase "be yourself" is pretty overused when giving advice on finding love. It's also pretty easy to counteract with all the harder-to-love and annoying qualities that come with "being yourself." It's a comedy cliche to have the "just be yourself! Actually, no, don't do that."

And honestly? When my goal was just to be liked? Being myself was the worst thing I could do. Because I'm genderqueer, not playing into my agab alienates pretty much all straight men, a large demographic that could theoretically like me. I'm also autistic, and the moment I started actually taking my mask off and showing symptoms such as stimming, into dumping, and sensory issues was the moment most dates stopped talking to me. Being myself meant showing off personality quirks that turn a lot of people away. (It still baffles me that the amount of effort I put into things like planning dates is considered "desperate" and "try hard" apparently.)

However, now that I have real love in my life, I'm starting to understand. "Be yourself" is shit advice to give to a lot of people when they're trying to get others to like them. But... It's the only reasonable advice if you're looking for a love worth having.

I have never felt quite as loved as when I know someone sees me at my core. The whole "rewards of being loved requires mortifying ordeal of being known" and all that jazz.

I'm in a privileged position where I have decent enough looks, and if I just pretended I wasn't genderqueer, if I just masked my autism, I could reasonably get a partner. I've done it in the past, before I learned to love myself, stuffed down those sides of me for acceptance.

It was an excellent strategy for finding a partner. But a shit one for finding love. (And also, it felt like shit to do to myself too and the masking specifically gave me a lot of burnout and anxiety. Cannot recommend)

So yeah, I know how it feels to be on the other side of it, to be single and asking how to find that love and get told "be yourself" and think "wow... You clearly have no idea what I'm working with here."

And... It's no guarantee. That's the scariest thing. There's no guarantee I would have found my person, and there's still no guarantee this will even last, as much as that breaks my heart to think about. But I could not have felt truly loved by my person, I would have never known this love, if I hadn't let him see me, if I hadn't "been myself."

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're looking for advice on finding a partner, or finding love, or making friends, and you get the "be yourself" advice: this is what that means in more explicit and detailed terms. Maybe to other people that was always more obvious but... Well I'm autistic and it wasn't to me.

Go forth and weigh the pros and cons with more knowledge. My ending note, I suppose, is there's no option where you're guaranteed to find love, but there's one option where you're guaranteed not to. It might be acceptance, or affection, or any other facsimiles, but the love I'm talking about requires being seen as who you are. If that's what you want, then the vulnerability is a requirement. I think it's worth it though, and anything worth having requires that sort of bravery.

[the-guilty-writer]

A Prentiss Genius

Request from anon: Prentiss sibling being smarter than Reid. They work in England but is visiting their sister. And in the end it’s just Reid and reader playing poker and chess. (And freaking out the rest of the BAU)

Bonus points if it is an autistic reader

Emily Prentiss x sibling!reader, Spencer Reid x platonic!reader

Summary: When another Prentiss comes from across the pond for a visit, they give the BAU’s genius a run for his money.

A/N: this was fun to write. I hope it’s fun to read! Thanks for the request. Feedback is always appreciated.

CW: typical criminal minds things, mentions of a case, reader gets slightly overstimulated.

---

You put on your best headphones- the strongest noise canceling ones money could buy- and tried your best not to panic as you ducked through the busy airport. On the plane you were able to distract yourself by thinking about the mechanics of the aircraft and how everything was built and engineered. It had gotten you through the flight, but the airport was a different battle.

Emily had been precise about where she was meeting you- something you were grateful for. When it came to busy places like this you didn’t like guessing games. Someone brushed up against you lightly and you felt your body begin to tense. Physical contact was bound to happen in a place this crowded, but that didn’t stop the build of pressure inside you. If you didn’t relieve that pressure soon, you might explode.

Thankfully, your sister was exactly where she told you she would be- sitting on the silver bench closest to the baggage claim trolley for your flight. Just the sight of her helped you relax, and when you saw that she had already taken it upon herself to grab your luggage so you wouldn’t have to be in the crowded building any longer than necessary it helped you relax even more.

She smiled when she spotted you. After a whole year of not seeing one another she had changed her hair style, her signature lip gloss color, and had obviously bought a nicer pair of boots, but her smile never changed. She also knew better than to talk to you or touch you before you got someplace quiet- your sister knew you like nobody else and for that, you were grateful.

Once you were finally in the passenger seat of her SUV, you took off your headphones and took a deep breath. Emily swung herself up into the drivers side and looked over to you. She offered her hand to you and you gladly reached to lock your pinky finger around hers for just a second- a Prentiss pinky hug, something the two of you had invented when you were children and Emily discovered that sometimes a real hug was too much for you to handle.

“I missed you, Em,” you said.

Emily smiled. “I missed you too, (Y/N).” She knew better than to ask you how your flight was. “But now you’re stuck in the States with me for a whole week.”

“You should have seen Easter’s face when I told him I was actually taking a vacation,” you laughed.

“Yeah, well, you haven’t met my boss yet,” Emily said. She turned on the car and began to pull out of the parking space.

“Yet?” you asked.

Emily sighed. “Yeah. I’ve gotta go back to the office for a few hours to finish some stuff up. I can drop you off at the apartment if you need some quiet time. It’ll just be you and Sergio.”

You thought about it for a moment- weighing the pros and cons. Emily’s team had become a family to her. She knew all the people you worked with at the London Interpol office, so it only seemed right that you knew the people she spent most of her time with. Plus, if you were being honest, you didn’t want to be alone in a strange apartment right now.

“I’ll come with you,” you told her.

Emily smiled again. “It’ll be quick.”

But you knew Emily’s job. You worked a similar one back in England. Time at the office was never quick.

---

The BAU bullpen wasn’t all the different from the office back in London. Normally you would have felt overwhelmed in a new environment with phones ringing and people walking about, but the familiarity of it all was comforting.

You followed Emily to her desk and the two of you were quickly approached by a tall, buff, black man. Emily had already told you all about her team, so it came to no surprise when the first thing that he said was, “Well, Emily, aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?” in a playful manner.

“Oh, (Y/N), this is Derek Morgan, and Morgan, this is my sibling, (Y/N),” Emily introduced you.

Derek smiled. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you said to him.

The glass doors of the bullpen opened and a woman in a bright yellow dress hurried in. Derek turned to her. “Baby girl, where are you in such a hurry?”

The woman didn’t respond. She simply shuffled quickly up the stairs and into someone’s office. You watched as she talked to a dark-haired man who was sitting behind a large wooden desk. His expression was stoic, but when he got up from his seat he walked with purpose.

“Team in the conference room, now. Even you, Prentiss,” the man said as he walked towards what you assumed was the conference room. Derek said something about gathering Reid and JJ- two names you recognized- and walked off.

Emily sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s fine.” You shrugged. “I get it. I had to flee the country so they didn’t pull me into a case.”

Emily laughed as she walked toward the conference room. “That’s why I usually come to you. Hopefully it’s just an emergency consult. Make yourself at home. There’s tea in the kitchen!” She disappeared behind the conference room door.

You made yourself comfortable at your sister’s desk. The star puzzle you had given her years ago sat at one corner. You pulled it from its place and took it apart before piecing it back together. Most people said it was impossible, but puzzles had always been easy for you and they should be considering you had an IQ of 188.

Out of curiosity, you looked up at the conference room. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you could see the images on the screen. A slim blonde lady with a remote was gesturing to the images. She pressed a button and the picture changed. It was a picture you had seen before- no. It was a picture of something you had seen before.

Your inherent curiosity carried you forward and before you knew it you were standing in the doorway of the conference room, the star puzzle still in your hand, your gaze unwavering from the screen.

“I’ve seen that before.” The words came out of your mouth before you could stop them. You were so entranced by the image you didn’t even notice all the people looking at you.

“Who are you?” The words of the stoic man broke your trance.

Emily stood up from her spot at the table and came to your side. “This is my sibling, (Y/N). (Y/N) this is Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Jereau, Penelope Garcia, and Dr. Reid.” She gestured around at the people at the table.

“How have you seen this before?” Rossi asked.

“I work for Interpol,” you explained. “The symbol carved into the wrist on the victim- it’s the same symbol that a European hacking group used to sign their viruses. We shut them down about a year ago but I had a suspicion that there might be more members outside of the continent we hadn’t found yet.”

“Well that narrows it down a lot,” Derek said.

“Tell the NYPD that we’re on our way, JJ. Wheels up in twenty. You too, Prentiss,” Hotch said to your sister.

“No, no wait,” you said. Everybody sat down and looked at one another. “The body was found in New York?”

“Yes,” JJ said. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“They’ve murdered two times before this; once in Brussels and again in Israel. They left the bodies in Antwerp and Tel Aviv, the largest cities, but the group’s headquarters were in the capital cities of Brussels and Jerusalem. It’s a forensic countermeasure. Chances are the group is here in DC. My guess is that you don’t have the right software to track them, but your counter intelligence division should.”

The team looked around at one another. “Garcia, go down to counter intelligence and see if they will allow you access into their system,” Hotch instructed. Garcia scurried from the room. “(Y/N), is there anything else we should know?”

You let out a heavy sigh. “This might take a while.”

Rossi smiled. “Then pull up a chair.”

---

It didn’t take long for Garcia to locate the headquarters. Soon enough, the team was gearing up to go out on a take-down.

“Prentiss,” Hotch said. You looked up at the call of your name, but he was talking to Emily. “We’re going to need you to come with us.”

Emily looked towards you. “Will you be okay here by yourself?”

Today had been a lot for you- between hours on a plane, then navigating the busy airport, and meeting and working with several new people. It was rather draining.

“I can stay with them,” Reid offered. “The medical doctor still hasn’t cleared my knee for running or climbing.”

You and Emily locked pinky fingers for a second before she followed the rest of her team out of the room, leaving you alone with the young doctor.

You were beginning to become bored with the star puzzle- you had already done it 23 times since you got there- so you looked up. Reid was playing chess against himself. You watched as he studied the board carefully, then moved a pawn forward.

“You should have moved the knight instead,” you said. “You’d have check in three instead of check in five.”

“You play?” Reid asked. You nodded. Without another word, he reset the board and moved it so you could reach the pieces better. He moved first with a conservative single pawn forward. You smiled- this was going to be too easy.

---

“It’s… freaky,” Morgan muttered.

“It’s uncanny,” Rossi agreed.

“It’s something.” Emily smiled. 

“It’s time to get back to work,” Hotch said. But nobody moved, not even him.

For the last hour the team had sat around watching you and Reid play chess- you had won 7 times and he had won 5- and now poker. Currently, he had won three games and you had won two, but with the hand you had it was surely going to allow you to tie up the score. Reid set his hand down and you smiled, setting down yours as well.

“But-” Reid looked at the cards. “The probability of that hand is-”

“0.0001%,” you finished for him.

“How in the world-” JJ started.

Emily laughed. “(Y/N) has an IQ of 188. Just one point above Reid.”

“Oh, our poor good doctor,” Garcia cooed.

“Pretty boy finally met his match,” Derek joked.

“You think we can steal them away from Interpol?” Rossi asked.

This time you answered for yourself. You turned to the team and said, “Not a chance,” just before Reid began dealing out cards again.

[inkkusgoesbrrr]

Intruduction thing I guess?

So um... I exist-

Kinda just wanna ramble about my things because I have nowhere else and I've heard that this is a better place to ramble rather than Twitter or Amino.

I think I will just write or make an entry when I feel like it. I'm not the best following schedules, so don't expect me to post at a specific time or a specific amount of entries.

I am also still very new in this app, so it will probably take a while for me to get used to it and make better entries.

Things about me include:

Probably Asperger, still waiting on a diagnosis

Have a lot of interests

I have a hard time showing emotions without the use of slang or emoticons. I don't like emojis (the person and faces), but sometime I do use them.

Even though, I use a lot of sarcasm (I'm just copying sarcastic characters and I can't stop)

I don't know if I should get checked on this, but I get a lot of anxiety in social situations, even via Internet. If you are reading this it means I have collected the courage to start the proyect. It's been a week since I wrote this. Guess I finally got the guts.

I like drawing, reading and playing videogames

Non-binary folk, specifically agender. Because, just like atheists are atheists because they don't believe in god, I am agender because I don't believe in gender

I refrain from saying my place of living. I can speak both fluent english and spanish, and understand a bit of portuguese

Overthinker. If it takes me too much on writing or doing anything it means I am indeed overthinking it, seeing the worst it can happen and making a list in pros and cons.

It is safe to say that even if I weren't autistic I'm hyperfixated on some things that haven't gone away:

Ghostbusters (It was an old interest, came back with Afterlife)

Five Nights at Freddy's (since 2015)

Sonic (At first only with Boom's TV show, then Forces came out and quickly became my favourite)

Reborn Live, spanish streamer (Kinda have been on a hiatus)

Minecraft (ever since 2010, I like building)

I have many other interests wich I will talk about, that ranges from cats and wildlife, passing from forensics and parapsicology, and even Undertale and Halloween.

Also, feel free to ask questions. I think it would be a good exercise to start being more talkative- Of course I won't answer personal ones.

Thank you for reading.

-Ink

[autisticcassandracain]

24, 25 and 28, cass for both

24. Ship(s) that makes you cringe.

Honestly unless I directly state otherwise it's pretty safe to assume I'm cringing at your ship.

25. Has fanon or canon been worse to Cass?

Tough call tbh. But honestly? Tentatively going with fanon, because fanon!Cass isn't a character. She exists to be page filler or a therapist. While canon has fucked over Cass royally, it also gave her a 70-issue long solo that was, for the most part, pretty damn good. And the bad stuff at least gives me something to talk about. Fanon Cass is just... nothing.

28. What’s a popular fandom take you disagree with about Cass?

I'm trying to think, and maybe it's just bc I'm tired and my brain isn't working great, but I think I mostly agree with fandom takes on Cass? At least, when it comes to fans of her actual canon character, rather than like, the fanon fans. In terms of popular headcanons, I don't necessarily think that ASL would be as magical a solution for her as it's often portrayed, due to the fact that her language troubles are rooted in a fundamental lack of ability to understand constructed language, but I still do like the headcanon that she uses it because I do think it'd be easier for her to use than English because a) I headcanon her as autistic and a lot of non/semi-verbal autistics do find ASL easier to use than verbal language, and b) she wouldn't have to pronounce the words with her mouth. But tbh that's less of a disagreement on whether she would use/benefit from ASL to begin with, and more of a disagreement on the way it's usually portrayed.

In terms of disagreements on canon characterization, whoever... idk. Maybe that I think the vast majority of her moral system is based on projection rather than an innate understanding of morality? It's not that she's never thought about morality, in fact a large part of her solo was her being confronted with difficult questions regarding morality time and time again, but I think part of the reason those storylines work so well is that, by nature, Cass's moral system wasn't so much consciously constructed as it was guided by projection.

She saw the way the life leaves a person when they die, and it traumatized her and made her understand what 'death' is on a level deeper than most people, so she decided murder was bad. She didn't factor 'murder bad' into her moral system due to any conscious deliberate thought process that lead her to think of murder as bad, at least, not initially. Similarly, her belief that criminals/villains can get better is due to her projecting upon them, and needing to believe they can get better, because she needs to believe she can get better. Not due to sitting down and thinking about restorative justice.

The reason her solo decided to challenge her on morality so often is to have her build up a more conscious moral system, and examine the ways in which her projection can often be as harmful as it is helpful. And she did! By the time she moved to Bludhaven, she'd build up a solid moral system based as much on her own personal experience as it was based on sitting down and thinking about morality.

I also think this is the primary difference between her and Bruce, ultimately; Bruce constructed his moral system by logically thinking about the pros and cons of his actions and coming to conclusions that way, whereas Cass's moral system is largely based on instinct and projection. It's not that Bruce's moral system isn't also partially based in personal experience, or that Cass's moral system isn't partially build upon logical examinations of morality, but that's where their cores are, imo.

Anyway, to get back to the point, I guess I disagree with the fandom take that Cass as a person has a natural sense of morality. It's easy to simplify Cass to someone who's just innately good, a simplification I have also made to avoid writing the paragraphs above into every post, but idk, I can never tell how much people mean that literally and how many are using it as shorthand, so. there's that I guess.

[deadmomjokes]

Hey, I was wondering if you'd be willing to share how you came to the decision to have a kid? I'm struggling with it a lot since having kids has been expected of me my whole life and now that I'm married it feels even more like an expectation than a choice of my own to make with my spouse. I guess I'm trying to understand others' reasons for their decision to help me come up with one for myself. Sorry if this is a bother!

Not a bother at all!

For me, it was kind of a slow process. As a kid, it was assumed folks just grew up and would have kids, and at first I just went along with it. Then when I got old enough to realize the amount of responsibility involved, and that it involved *gasp* kissing boys, I was all kinds of NOPE. But I didn’t tell anyone that. I just inwardly figured I’d be the Fun Aunt who never got married, never had kids, and lived with a bunch of dogs and maybe a horse.

Then, after my mom died (I was about 17), something weird happened. Idk if you’re the kind of person who believes in spirits, the afterlife, the before-life, souls, etc, but I started feeling two things very strongly: 1, I somehow felt/knew my mom was looking after my kids until they could come to earth, and 2, I felt a very specific presence that I realized was my first daughter, whom I now have the pleasure of having irl.

Obviously, not everyone is going to have that kind of experience, but for me, it was a big “OH” moment, and I realized that what I didn’t like was the expectation of it all, and also, what teenager/kid is really ready for or ready to accept the responsibilities and realities of having kids? Of course I didn’t want kids, I was too young, and that’s how it should have been!

When I ended up meeting and marrying my now husband, we talked about kids, and we both knew we were waiting on at least our first daughter (fun story: we both independently “realized” her name way before we were ever married. her name is Ivy Marie, and it kind of just came really strongly to both of us. this girl, I tell ya, she’s had some serious Opinions even before she was born, and she wanted to make dang sure we knew what her name was going to be.). But we figured we’d start having kids years down the line, after enjoying just being us.

Then, randomly and totally by chance, I ended up doing my academic internship in Early Childhood Development and Parental Education, and about that same time I started feeling like “maybe I should have a baby?”. It was super weird. I can’t really describe how I knew, except as a “should do” that came from beyond and yet inside me. But it wasn’t one of those, “Oh, everyone says I should have kids or should start having them now” kind of things, it was this really unshakeable feeling that I missed my children. Like I knew them already, and was waiting for them. And that now (then) was the time to go ahead and see what I could do about meeting them, whether that was having a baby naturally, adopting, fostering, etc.

It’s all really nebulous to describe, but for me, it was a real, almost tangible thing. I knew, just like knowing you’re hungry or thirsty or sleepy, that I wanted kids, MY kids, and that I wanted to find a way to get them into my family.

Not everyone feels that way. For some folks, it’s more like a weighing of pros and cons. Or it’s like flipping a coin and suddenly realizing in the air which side you hope it lands on, and there’s your answer. For others, it’s something you pray about (I also did that), something you study (lots of cool parenting classes out there!), something you even practice at (babysitting! so helpful, but also not at all representative, for good or ill).

And the best part is, it’s not a once-and-for-all decision! You can think on it now and decide with your spouse that it’s not something you want right now, and then in a few years you think on it again and realize “oh hey, now we want kids!”

But ultimately, there are some questions that must be asked and answered re:having babies/kids.

Why do I want to have a child/children? This seems obvious, and like the whole question you asked me, but it’s a bit more specific and more complicated than that. This is about the “selfish” reasons, the reasons that tie back to your desires for yourself. In my case, I answer this with “I feel like I’m incomplete/missing family without my child/children” among a few others (but that’s the big one). If your answer to this question involves other people-- because my parents want grandkids, because I should, because my spouse does-- then you need to do some more soul searching.

Why do I want to be a parent? This is about what you want to give to your child/children. This is the “unselfish” version of the previous question. What do you hope your children get from you, and not in a physical sense. My answer to this one is “I want to help my child/children be part of the good in the world, break generational/societal hurts and problems, and give them both the good things I got and the things I never did.”

Are you prepared for a child? I’m not trying to say that you have to be a parenting expert making 6 figures a year with your own home and two cars to have kids. I’m saying there are times and places and situations that would be very detrimental to you and/or your child. You should also have some grasp of the permanence of parenthood, and what it takes to have and raise a baby/child. Practice budgeting, look into how schools work, watch some birthing videos, look up parenting resources. Basically, just learn a bit before you decide, but also, IMPORTANT NOTE don’t let all the info you find scare you off completely. 18+ years always seems insurmountable and impossible when you try to cram it all into a 2am google search. I’m just suggesting you have some idea of the nitty-gritty before you get handed a tiny person and get told to keep it alive forever.

Are you healthy enough to have kids? Not to say that disabled or chronically ill folks can’t/shouldn’t have kids, but that some people might be at serious risk of death or other irreparable harm by having kids (usually talking about birthing them). This includes mental illness. Do not try adding a child to your family-- one of the hugest life changes you’ll ever make-- while you’re in an uncontrolled spiral or dealing with unmanaged mental or physical illness.

Are you prepared to love your child no matter what? It’s easy to say that about a cute little squishy potato child who only wants to be held all day, but I’m talking about the whole child. The baby up through the adult. Are you prepared to love as a conscious choice even when your child is making bad decisions or ‘disappointing’ you? Are you prepared to love your child through toddler tantrums that never end? Are you prepared to love your gay child, your disabled child, your nonverbal child, your catatonic child? Are you prepared to give the same love to your transgender child as to your cisgender one? Are you prepared to love your Down Syndrome child as an adult, or your autistic child as a hormonal teenager who is struggling? Are you prepared to love the child who struggles in school, or who doesn’t care at all just as much as your straight-A’s bookworm who never gets in trouble? The delinquent, not just the angel? The aspiring screamo even when you’re a church-choir mouse? You should never bank on “well my child will never....” It’s not fair to your child. And ultimately, it’s not about you. Yes, parenthood should be fulfilling for you, but it’s really about loving another person so much that you’re willing to dedicate your life to theirs.

I realize this is way long, but I have a ton of feelings about kids and parenthood/parenting. So I apologize for the rant, and hope that something in here has been helpful or has come close to your original question.

Ultimately, this is a choice only you and your spouse can make, and screw societal/family/religious expectations. This is about you and your family, the one you choose to make. You get that choice, and if you choose not to have kids (or not have them right now), you may get flak for it, but just like nobody can tell you what to do with your limbs, nobody can tell you what to do with your life, and the lives you choose to make or influence.

And a tl;dr version, I chose to have kids because I felt like they were a part of me waiting to be “let in,” if that makes sense. It was something my spouse and I both talked about, then thought about individually for a long time, then came together and discussed for a long time. We wanted parenthood, and we wanted to raise children to be part of the good in the world, and we want to be that good for even a few little people. (And also, our daughter was like “BRUH, I’m waiting for you guys to get a move on, I’m gonna be the best thing in your lives. Also here’s my name don’t wear it out.” She was never, nor is she now, subtle.)

[adultingautistic]

Are other people scared of getting a diagnosis? I know my family would never believe me/take me seriously if I don't have a diagnosis but I'm a single parent and what if the dad decides to do a custody battle some day and they use my diagnosis against me. Unlikely that he would but it's still a scary thought

This is a terrifying thought, and a very, very legitimate reason not to get a diagnosis. 

Unfortunately, the current world as it is, is a very unfair place.  There are many reasons why a person might choose to self-diagnose and never get a professional diagnosis, and this is one of them.  

Before you get a professional diagnosis, you have to weigh the pros of getting one against the cons of getting one.  So for you, the con is very big- keeping custody of you children is essential, it’s the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have, and you should protect your children with all your might, even against unforeseen future repercussions.

So I guess the question is, what are you seeking from a professional diagnosis?  What do you hope to gain from it?  If it is just to know your own mind better, then you can do that almost as well with a self-diagnosis.  The only person who needs to know you’re autistic is you, because you can still self-accommodate, and learn about your own mind, and find ways to help you overcome challenges, and you do not need a professional diagnosis to do this.

You mentioned your family never believing you that you have autism, if you don’t have a professional diagnosis. That may be true, but in that case, they don’t need to.  While it would certainly help you if they believed you, you don’t need them to in order to ask them to accommodate you.  One example from my own life is that I need lead time- I do not do spontaneous plans, they are basically impossible for me, I need to know at least a few days ahead of time that I’m going somewhere.  My partner’s family doesn’t know I’m autistic, but after years of knowing me, they do know that “If you want Snazzy to attend a thing, you have to give them advanced notice.”  I have taught them, through drawing boundaries, that if they ask me to be somewhere last-minute, I will not be able to come.  And so they make sure to ask me a few days ahead of time (mostly), and if they don’t, then I simply don’t go.

This is an example of you accommodating yourself, and getting the accommodations you need from your family, without having to tell them you’re autistic.  Yes, in a perfect world, it would be better if you were able to be completely open with them and share with them what you know about yourself.  But if they are not the type to listen, then don’t go through the pain of forcing them to (only to have them not).  Instead, get the accommodations you need to improve your relationship with them without using the word “autism”.

The only reason to get a professional diagnosis is if you needed more formal support, such as accommodations at work or from your government.  In these cases you would need a professional diagnosis, and would have to weigh whether getting those services would be worth the risk of possibly losing custody of your children.  This is of course super unfair, and no one should ever have to choose between their own mental health and their children’s well-being, but the world isn’t always a fair place.

So you can get the things you need, and the support you need, from your family and friends without a professional diagnosis.   I encourage you to start there, and see where that takes you.  Learn about autism, and about other neurodiversities, and whenever an article or a post speaks to you, try to find ways to meet that challenge through self-accommodation and family accommodation.  Continue to grow and improve your life, so that you can be the best person, and the best parent, that you can be.

[maiaphaelsource]

anon’s great cornucopia of maiaphael prompts, part 10

ANYONE CAN FEEL FREE TO GIVE THEIR OWN THOUGHTS ON THIS PROMPT

Also convincing each other to go to therapy cause please

wdiahsiadha what i’m picturing here is like... a constant “no you” game between them tbh. if i’m being honest maia is more likely to be the first one to bring it up because she’s younger so she grew up with less stigma around that, you know? whereas when raphael was young there was more of a “therapy is for crazy people” + medicalization mentality. like when he was born the norm was still to institutionalize people and all kinds of terrible stuff. also, as autistic and ace and latino and trans, he has many reasons to be wary of therapy (not that maia doesn’t as well, obviously. we all know how medical professionals treat black women, and she’s also trans and queer so u kno. but she was raised in a time where there was less stigma, not to mention a growing number of black health professionals and discussions about antiracist medical practices, etc) 

so like as a whole i think she would be more likely to bring it up. just because it’s not something raphael is used to thinking about, you know? also well there is that culture of hypermasculinity where looking for help is seem as a weakness, which doubles down on any brown man because hypermasculinity is expected of them and i doubt being a donworlder is very different in that sense. not that raphael loves toxic masculinity but like... these things build deep into your psyche, so it’s less that he hates the idea and more that he didn’t consider it before. but then there’s also the fear because all sorts of bad associations and wariness (for good reason)

so it’s just lots to unpack before either of them feels comfortable with it, you know? and because they’re both absolute bastards who worry about others to the point of hipocrisy it’s just like “therapy would do good... for YOU. i, however, see no reason to take care of myself” and it’s just a constant game of ping pong bickering over that like “you should take care of yourself” “no u” “no u” “look i get what you’re saying, i guess a part of me is just scared that there’s no fixing me, you know? that it will get worse” “you don’t need to be fixed. therapy is supposed to help you understand yourself, not ‘fix’ you” “well why don’t you do it then” “because i’m afraid that there’s no fixing me” “i see”

that’s an exaggeration of course but also it’s kinda like that

eventually someone (magnus? simon? i feel like simon just because he is the voice of reason when it comes to those things imo, and he’s pretty good at disarming others without even meaning to) is just like “why don’t you settle this by going both at the same time” and they’re like I GUESS

so they go into research- to find someone suited, you know? and it’s cute because they’re both clearly worried about the other (raphael: “don’t know how i feel about this one, feel a little off” “why?” “i just didn’t feel like they’re absolutely perfect at first glance :/”). i tend to say warlock therapists because i just love the idea of those warlocks who dedicate themselves to studying about downworlders, you know? like warlocks are the only mundane-realm living ones who are born downworlders and that means they can take an interest and specialize in that. so yeah warlock therapists ftw and they find a black one for maia and a latino one for raphael because that’s what they’re most comfortable with, and go in-depth to get referrals and see their stance on trans/queer/ace people specifically as well. it also helps that magnus knows everybody so he can help the both of them with that. and he’s of course more than happy to, and he’s super proud of the both of them for taking this step in taking better care of themselves. and he smiles and cradles raphael’s face and kisses maia on the forehead maybe and spends hours discussing pros and cons with them. and it’s nice

and just LOOK let them heal, let maia have professional help to talk about her family issues and her abusive relationship and her terrible experiences with oppression, let raphael talk about his own and his guilt issues and the shit he went through with camille and his savior complex dasdaiah. like they are both finding healthier ways to cope and have been for a while, especially with taki’s and the clan/pack, but professional help is different and as leaders they are just not in a position to ask for it a lot, you know? so like daiuhsdiha let them go to therapy 2020 let the whole gang go to therapy 20forever

[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

[mlmsamatoki]

I finally made this post like I said I would several months ago.

This is my OC, Cinnabar “Cinni” Tran, the Master of Luck!

(More information underneath and TW for brief mentions of abuse)

Fun facts

-Cinnabar is autistic, has ADHD, is 17 years old, nonbinary, aro, ace, and uses they/them pronouns.

-Their mom is Vietnamese and their dad is half Chinese and half Vietnamese.

-They have a younger sister named Mai.

-Cinnabar is very emotional, and you can almost always clearly tell what they are feeling by looking at their face.

-They honestly care too much about everything.

-They also like to exaggerate their facial expressions for humor or intimidation. Sometimes, there is no actual reason for them to exaggerate their face, but they just do it because why not????

-Speaking of humor, they find the most mundane or random things to be funny (picture a scale titled “The Humor of Cinnabar” ranging from a single letter of the alphabet to a lizard with an octopus body playing the drums).

-Cinni’s only emotions are Anger, Too Much Of This Shit, Needs More Of This Shit, Good, Bad, and ??????.

-They will aggressively criticize things that they believe are inaccurate, immoral, or just straight up terrible.

-Condescension, entitlement, ignorance, and feeling vulnerable are things that they hate the most.

-Their hand gestures are so elaborate and rapid that you’re more likely to pay attention to their hands rather than what they’re talking about.

-Cinnabar’s birthday is June 6th.

-They have a soft spot for children and will actually steal your toes if you’re a dick to kids.

-They believe in superstitions and will actually carry lucky charms/items around with them. In fact, they would collect abandoned items and keep them as lucky charms. A crusty rock with someone’s name on it? Lucky charm. A dusty book with indecipherable runes? Lucky charm. Creepy doll from an old abandoned house? Lucky charm. A rotting statue lying on the middle of the street? Lucky charm.

-Cinni pretends to be neat and organized while their room is always covered in piles of clothes, charms, and literally any other things they could get their hands on.

-Their lifelong special interest is nomenclature. They have memorized *tons* of information about systemic naming in multiple fields such as taxonomy, business, law, and chemistry. Heck, they even created their own nomenclature to categorize lucky charms and organize their journals.

-Another special interest they have is their powers. They’ve been analyzing them ever since they unlocked them, and they own several journals chronicling their abilities and development.

-Cinni named themself Cinnabar because red is their favorite color and represents luck in Chinese and Vietnamese culture.

-All the emotions or thoughts they don’t express manifest as internal rambling or screaming in their head.

-Cinni’s mind is always in a constant, mindless state of chattering, so it can be really hard for them to relax or focus.

-They try their best to be respectful of others and their boundaries because they’re a decent person.

-Cinnabar has a reputation for always being on time.

-Catch them walking around in circles while muttering unnecessarily long words.

-They really love spicy food and will probably try to eat a ghost pepper immediately on sight.

-They like swimming because moving around gives them Good! Feelings! And it’s stimmy.

-Honestly, Cinni is willing to do nearly anything that requires motion.

-They’re extremely loyal to the people they trust.

-Sometimes, they have the urge to stare into the sun for hours, and other times, they can’t even look at a bright color for more than one second.

-Cinnabar has mixed feelings about being mature for their age because on one hand, experience is the best teacher, but on the other hand, experience can also be traumatizing.

Backstory

-The Previous Master of Luck was Cinnabar’s grandmother, who returned to a quiet life after the Great Serpentine Wars and never disclosed her powers to anyone else besides the people who she fought beside. She passed on her powers to her daughter, who never unlocked them due to being unaware that she had them. Her daughter then passed her powers on to her firstborn child, who is, you guessed it, Cinnabar.

-When they were growing up, their parents would ignore their emotional and mental health, which resulted in them having for care for them themself, along with Mai’s.

-They were constantly guilt tripped by others for “not trying hard enough,” behaving “inappropriately,” or for being “too weird.” They were also told that they were too fragile, unmanly, and needed to toughen up.

-Other kids would take advantage of them since they were really naive and gullible. In fact, Cinnabar’s had many “friends” who manipulated them or found their “quirkiness” to be entertaining.

-As a result, they developed anxiety, poor self esteem, and fear of trusting others.

-On top of that, they would get into all sorts of trouble for fighting back against bullies, so they began practicing martial arts to finish fights in retaliation so that they wouldn’t be accused for escalating the problem. Ultimately, they still received punishments, but they decided that it was worth it since people would know not to fuck with them.

-The person they trust the most is Mai. Cinnabar loves talking about *anything* with her, and the two enjoy taking turns to infodump about their special interests.

-Cinni realized that they had powers at age 14 after everything dramatically happened in their favor for a week. At first, Mai thought that their claims were superstition-related but changed her mind after seeing them pull a Komaeda on a group of bullies.

-There had been numerous reports in Stiix about people mysteriously escaping near-death situations and people who were hit with sudden influxes of misfortune... Guess who caused all of them.

-Cinnabar was considered very intelligent as a kid and would absorb information from any books they had access to. Now, they suddenly can’t read every time they see a huge wall of text.

-Cinnabar was invited to participate in the Tournament of Elements but declined since they were wary of how suspicious the event seemed. Plus, they never told anyone that they were the Master of Luck so hmmmmm.

-When Stiix was overtaken by ghosts, they reached their full potential by saving their sister and other villagers from ghosts and helping them escape. Then, they absconded to New Ninjago City with their family and continued to live there until they and Mai left when they turned 16 and 14, respectively.

-Currently, Cinnabar and Mai have been traveling across Ninjago for over a year.

Elemental Powers

-Cinnabar can detect only every potential positive outcome, and in order to choose which outcome to act on, they must consider theoretical pros and cons and what would be the most beneficial.

-If an outcome is connected to a person, then it must be desired by that person in order to be deemed as positive.

-They can’t steal luck from people, but they can redirect it, which how they cause people to appear as though they are experiencing good or bad luck.

-Also, they charm items using their own luck.

-Cinni can manifest luck into power/energy that they can physically carry in their hands.

-They don’t know how to do Spinjitzu.