#pros and cons of being autistic i guess

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

most of the Feelings i had during my last two major hyperfixations (RDR and CP77) were contained to my twitter but man... it was bad. in a good way i guess. but also godDAMN, i fell HARD

[professor-nobody]

People Nowadays: OMG, CRT TVs are SO cool and vintage! It's so difficult to find one to put aesthetic videos >⁠.⁠<

Me , a latino , who had a CRT tv since childhood because we were poor:

[the-everqueen]

bitching in the tags

[the-guilty-writer]

A Prentiss Genius

Request from anon: Prentiss sibling being smarter than Reid. They work in England but is visiting their sister. And in the end it���s just Reid and reader playing poker and chess. (And freaking out the rest of the BAU)

Bonus points if it is an autistic reader

Emily Prentiss x sibling!reader, Spencer Reid x platonic!reader

Summary: When another Prentiss comes from across the pond for a visit, they give the BAU’s genius a run for his money.

A/N: this was fun to write. I hope it’s fun to read! Thanks for the request. Feedback is always appreciated.

CW: typical criminal minds things, mentions of a case, reader gets slightly overstimulated.

---

You put on your best headphones- the strongest noise canceling ones money could buy- and tried your best not to panic as you ducked through the busy airport. On the plane you were able to distract yourself by thinking about the mechanics of the aircraft and how everything was built and engineered. It had gotten you through the flight, but the airport was a different battle.

Emily had been precise about where she was meeting you- something you were grateful for. When it came to busy places like this you didn’t like guessing games. Someone brushed up against you lightly and you felt your body begin to tense. Physical contact was bound to happen in a place this crowded, but that didn’t stop the build of pressure inside you. If you didn’t relieve that pressure soon, you might explode.

Thankfully, your sister was exactly where she told you she would be- sitting on the silver bench closest to the baggage claim trolley for your flight. Just the sight of her helped you relax, and when you saw that she had already taken it upon herself to grab your luggage so you wouldn’t have to be in the crowded building any longer than necessary it helped you relax even more.

She smiled when she spotted you. After a whole year of not seeing one another she had changed her hair style, her signature lip gloss color, and had obviously bought a nicer pair of boots, but her smile never changed. She also knew better than to talk to you or touch you before you got someplace quiet- your sister knew you like nobody else and for that, you were grateful.

Once you were finally in the passenger seat of her SUV, you took off your headphones and took a deep breath. Emily swung herself up into the drivers side and looked over to you. She offered her hand to you and you gladly reached to lock your pinky finger around hers for just a second- a Prentiss pinky hug, something the two of you had invented when you were children and Emily discovered that sometimes a real hug was too much for you to handle.

“I missed you, Em,” you said.

Emily smiled. “I missed you too, (Y/N).” She knew better than to ask you how your flight was. “But now you’re stuck in the States with me for a whole week.”

“You should have seen Easter’s face when I told him I was actually taking a vacation,” you laughed.

“Yeah, well, you haven’t met my boss yet,” Emily said. She turned on the car and began to pull out of the parking space.

“Yet?” you asked.

Emily sighed. “Yeah. I’ve gotta go back to the office for a few hours to finish some stuff up. I can drop you off at the apartment if you need some quiet time. It’ll just be you and Sergio.”

You thought about it for a moment- weighing the pros and cons. Emily’s team had become a family to her. She knew all the people you worked with at the London Interpol office, so it only seemed right that you knew the people she spent most of her time with. Plus, if you were being honest, you didn’t want to be alone in a strange apartment right now.

“I’ll come with you,” you told her.

Emily smiled again. “It’ll be quick.”

But you knew Emily’s job. You worked a similar one back in England. Time at the office was never quick.

---

The BAU bullpen wasn’t all the different from the office back in London. Normally you would have felt overwhelmed in a new environment with phones ringing and people walking about, but the familiarity of it all was comforting.

You followed Emily to her desk and the two of you were quickly approached by a tall, buff, black man. Emily had already told you all about her team, so it came to no surprise when the first thing that he said was, “Well, Emily, aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?” in a playful manner.

“Oh, (Y/N), this is Derek Morgan, and Morgan, this is my sibling, (Y/N),” Emily introduced you.

Derek smiled. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you said to him.

The glass doors of the bullpen opened and a woman in a bright yellow dress hurried in. Derek turned to her. “Baby girl, where are you in such a hurry?”

The woman didn’t respond. She simply shuffled quickly up the stairs and into someone’s office. You watched as she talked to a dark-haired man who was sitting behind a large wooden desk. His expression was stoic, but when he got up from his seat he walked with purpose.

“Team in the conference room, now. Even you, Prentiss,” the man said as he walked towards what you assumed was the conference room. Derek said something about gathering Reid and JJ- two names you recognized- and walked off.

Emily sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s fine.” You shrugged. “I get it. I had to flee the country so they didn’t pull me into a case.”

Emily laughed as she walked toward the conference room. “That’s why I usually come to you. Hopefully it’s just an emergency consult. Make yourself at home. There’s tea in the kitchen!” She disappeared behind the conference room door.

You made yourself comfortable at your sister’s desk. The star puzzle you had given her years ago sat at one corner. You pulled it from its place and took it apart before piecing it back together. Most people said it was impossible, but puzzles had always been easy for you and they should be considering you had an IQ of 188.

Out of curiosity, you looked up at the conference room. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you could see the images on the screen. A slim blonde lady with a remote was gesturing to the images. She pressed a button and the picture changed. It was a picture you had seen before- no. It was a picture of something you had seen before.

Your inherent curiosity carried you forward and before you knew it you were standing in the doorway of the conference room, the star puzzle still in your hand, your gaze unwavering from the screen.

“I’ve seen that before.” The words came out of your mouth before you could stop them. You were so entranced by the image you didn’t even notice all the people looking at you.

“Who are you?” The words of the stoic man broke your trance.

Emily stood up from her spot at the table and came to your side. “This is my sibling, (Y/N). (Y/N) this is Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Jereau, Penelope Garcia, and Dr. Reid.” She gestured around at the people at the table.

“How have you seen this before?” Rossi asked.

“I work for Interpol,” you explained. “The symbol carved into the wrist on the victim- it’s the same symbol that a European hacking group used to sign their viruses. We shut them down about a year ago but I had a suspicion that there might be more members outside of the continent we hadn’t found yet.”

“Well that narrows it down a lot,” Derek said.

“Tell the NYPD that we’re on our way, JJ. Wheels up in twenty. You too, Prentiss,” Hotch said to your sister.

“No, no wait,” you said. Everybody sat down and looked at one another. “The body was found in New York?”

“Yes,” JJ said. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“They’ve murdered two times before this; once in Brussels and again in Israel. They left the bodies in Antwerp and Tel Aviv, the largest cities, but the group’s headquarters were in the capital cities of Brussels and Jerusalem. It’s a forensic countermeasure. Chances are the group is here in DC. My guess is that you don’t have the right software to track them, but your counter intelligence division should.”

The team looked around at one another. “Garcia, go down to counter intelligence and see if they will allow you access into their system,” Hotch instructed. Garcia scurried from the room. “(Y/N), is there anything else we should know?”

You let out a heavy sigh. “This might take a while.”

Rossi smiled. “Then pull up a chair.”

---

It didn’t take long for Garcia to locate the headquarters. Soon enough, the team was gearing up to go out on a take-down.

“Prentiss,” Hotch said. You looked up at the call of your name, but he was talking to Emily. “We’re going to need you to come with us.”

Emily looked towards you. “Will you be okay here by yourself?”

Today had been a lot for you- between hours on a plane, then navigating the busy airport, and meeting and working with several new people. It was rather draining.

“I can stay with them,” Reid offered. “The medical doctor still hasn’t cleared my knee for running or climbing.”

You and Emily locked pinky fingers for a second before she followed the rest of her team out of the room, leaving you alone with the young doctor.

You were beginning to become bored with the star puzzle- you had already done it 23 times since you got there- so you looked up. Reid was playing chess against himself. You watched as he studied the board carefully, then moved a pawn forward.

“You should have moved the knight instead,” you said. “You’d have check in three instead of check in five.”

“You play?” Reid asked. You nodded. Without another word, he reset the board and moved it so you could reach the pieces better. He moved first with a conservative single pawn forward. You smiled- this was going to be too easy.

---

“It’s… freaky,” Morgan muttered.

“It’s uncanny,” Rossi agreed.

“It’s something.” Emily smiled. 

“It’s time to get back to work,” Hotch said. But nobody moved, not even him.

For the last hour the team had sat around watching you and Reid play chess- you had won 7 times and he had won 5- and now poker. Currently, he had won three games and you had won two, but with the hand you had it was surely going to allow you to tie up the score. Reid set his hand down and you smiled, setting down yours as well.

“But-” Reid looked at the cards. “The probability of that hand is-”

“0.0001%,” you finished for him.

“How in the world-” JJ started.

Emily laughed. “(Y/N) has an IQ of 188. Just one point above Reid.”

“Oh, our poor good doctor,” Garcia cooed.

“Pretty boy finally met his match,” Derek joked.

“You think we can steal them away from Interpol?” Rossi asked.

This time you answered for yourself. You turned to the team and said, “Not a chance,” just before Reid began dealing out cards again.

[sniffanimal]

I think something the self diagnosis discourse has missed the forest for the trees. There's something I've basically never seen come up in posts discussing the pros and cons of self diagnosis that I think is actually rather integral to the whole thing! That being: labeling your lived experience matters far less than your lived experience.

What I mean by this, is that labels like ADHD, Autistic, BPD, Depression, etc can feel comfortable, and can *help* you find resources or a community. But at the end of the day, the thing that actually matters is if that resource or community actually helps you or not.

And, disclaiming right up front, this isn't a post about if you should or shouldn't self diagnose yourself. I'm not a psychologist! I have no clue what's going on with you. And I know there's barriers for many reasons on if someone can or desires to seek a professional diagnosis. That's not the point here. The point here is what do you do once you've got that diagnosis (self-determined or otherwise).

More nuance+resources+sources on some stuff below the cut.

I'm going to talk mostly from the point of view about ADHD/Autistic experiences since I think that broadly covers a larger part of the whole thing that this is about, and is also included in my lived experience, as well as the people I support and work with for my job. But all this can also apply to people with personality disorders and mood disorders, and probably some other stuff.

I personally think "Do I have ADHD?" is a useless question. It can be really relieving to have something to explain why you experience things, or why your brain works a certain way. But ultimately "How do I manage this symptom/behavior/emotion/etc" is the much better question. If you watch a video that says "if you are constantly forgetting to do the dishes even though you can see the full sink right there you might have ADHD", and you think "gosh, I do that, do I have ADHD?" try thinking about it instead about like, "How can I remember to do the dishes more frequently?"

I guess I will agree that from there you can be more in tune to future ADHD posts, and maybe consider looking into ADHD resources, etc. But that's exactly the point I'm making here, the resources and things you do to manage your mental health is infinitely more important than what you call it. If you benefit from ADHD resources, it doesn't matter if you *do* have ADHD or not, you are using resources to manage your mental health! Congratulations!

And you know, maybe I'm just like, experiencing the symptom of not understanding subtext, and maybe this was something people meant when they talk about pro- or anti- self diagnosis, but it's nothing I've really noticed. All people seem concerned about is whether or not a doctor agrees that the combination of symptoms you have match the generally agreed upon combination of symptoms. Like, that's all this discourse seems to be. No one really brings the idea of *working on* your mental health into any of this! Or if they do, they bring up some boogeyman like "finite resources" for people (as in, "if you don't really have autism, you're taking up resources for actual autistic people" etc.)

So what are these resources that can help you even if you don't have a diagnosis, a doctor, medication, a therapist, etc?

This (the Job Accomodation Network) is my favorite place to point people to for a starter on what kind of assistance they could benefit from. The idea of this site is for determining what reasonable accommodations someone might ask for in the workplace (usually provided they have a medical diagnosis), but it's also good to investigate ideas for things that might help you!

For example, if you click on ADHD and scroll down, it has a list like this

You don't need a diagnosis to try out and decide if these kinds of things could work for you. Lets look at another one. This is from the list of possible things for OCD regarding non-compliant behaviors (which is job speak for "not able to do the task the way we want")

If you think you could have OCD, maybe try out some of these things, like a white noise machine, to see if they help. They might not! But it's something to consider!

You don't need to have OCD to benefit from a white noise machine helping you focus. You don't need Autism to find sensory toys soothing and grounding. You don't need depression to go on walks to get extra vitamin D. You don't need BPD to ask your friends to check on you once in a while. If you benefit from something, that's what matters the most!

I guess what this is ultimately coming to is there's no boogeyman of finite resources being used up by self-diagnosers. And if you are pursuing self-diagnosis, consider to yourself how useful the label is, and if looking into actually how to manage it is more useful.

Please be niceys in the notes so i dont have to turn off reblogs ok. Goodbye and I love you and I want the best for you!

[tsunflowers]

I feel conflicted about "izzy at the end of the world" by KA reynolds. it's a middle grade novel with a bi4bi romance between an autistic girl and a gnc boy. it's fast-paced and readable. it sent me mentally spiraling by mentioning sk8 the infinity (not sure if this is a pro or a con)

but I couldn't buy into the fiction of it bc it touched too closely on things that are warning signs to me in real life. aliens appear suddenly and abduct everyone but the main character and her dog. she finds a journal belonging to her dead mom that reveals that the mom had been abducted by aliens and was depressed and unstable before her death bc no one believed her, but she left her daughter the journal and a playlist as guides for the day the aliens would come back. I guess it's pretty similar to something like gravity falls but all the specific details about the mom were too real to me. if it was the alien abduction on its own maybe I would be ok with it but there was so much else going on with her. she believed in the energy stored in crystals and ley lines. she thought that the songs on the radio were sending messages to her. she wrote these intensely paranoid diary entries. eventually the main character finds out that her mother's death wasn't from a brain tumor but by suicide. it just adds up to a woman who really needed help and I can't handle how the novel is like "well she was right to do all these things bc aliens are real" when in real life if you see someone do all this you should try to have a gentle talk with them

the author wrote in her acknowledgements that she had a ufo experience of her own and that her mother and husband both died unexpectedly. so I think for her it IS cathartic to imagine someone believing these things and being proven right and dying for a reason rather than cruel randomness. but for me it's like... it feels almost irresponsible to write that a character exhibiting pretty classic delusions and belief in fake science was right all along

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I am a 33 year old woman who is beginning to suspect that I am autistic and/or have ADHD. I have never been diagnosed as such, although I have been in the mental health care system for twelve years. The diagnosis of BPD and Bipolar Disorder have been thrown around by my doctors but don't totally, accurately fit. I am beginning to wonder if getting myself diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD would be productive or, because I have come this far without a diagnosis, just too much at this point in my life. I have struggled with emotional dysregulation (among with many, many other symptoms) for years and am only able to have a part-time job. I have wanted answers for years to why I am not able to be high functioning. I guess my question is -- will being officially diagnosed help me substantially enough that it will be worth going through the stress, cost, etc.? I know this is probably something that only I can answer for myself, ultimately, but wondering about your thoughts. Thank you!

Hi there,

It’s up to you if you want a diagnosis. Many women are misdiagnosed. According to one article:

Girls with autism may have less obvious social difficulties and often have better verbal communication than a boy with autism might. For girls with ADHD, they often aren’t as hyperactive and may not have the disruptive behaviour some boys may have. This means that many girls with these conditions may be overlooked by their parents, teachers and even clinicians as the diagnostic criteria do not match with their symptoms.

There are pros and cons of getting a diagnosis:

I hope this information helps. Maybe my followers can help too.

Thanks for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[these-written-reveries]

I just told my mom I'm autistic/adhd and it was so awkward 😭🙈😫 I already knew she wouldn't be receptive in the way I deep down wish she would be, but she at least didn't say anything rude to my face about it like I was expecting her to so...I guess that's a win? All of this bc I want some noise canceling headphones for my birthday bc I'm suffering and I really think they will help me. I wish I had more loving and accepting parents who didn't just brush off everything I say, act like I'm dumb for being vulnerable enough to bring it up, and then go on to use said thing against me. I knew this when I said it, but I weighed the pros and cons and I would rather risk them using this as ammo against me, in which they might say some hurtful stuff to me sometimes (nothing new), than to continue on suppressing and masking so much in my own home. It is literally painful and it makes everything worse for me. It's not like I'll ever be able to feel safe enough to fully unmask around them, but I also have been unmasking in ways that I can't control and to have to work 3x's as hard to build that mask up and hide who I am in moments when I'm around them (which is quite frequent since I live with them) is way more exhausting and painful than anything else. I'm tired of it. I'm literally burnt out partially bc of that. So, fuck it! They're gonna be abusive assholes no matter what, they already don't like me bc I'm not "normal", why not add another reason to their list of "Why We Hate Kalista", hm? Nothing I haven't heard/experienced before! At least I can wear my headphones and stim and talk to my sister about our neurodivergence in the living area without worrying about them finding out I'm autistic. What a silly waste of time. I'm glad I ripped the bandaid off. Imagine if I continued with that shit for the rest of my life with them? Nah, I'll choose me over you any day. I'm not here to make you comfortable and give in to the fear of your expressed disdain against me. And????🤨 what the fuck is new?! I've accepted that you'll never love me -you aren't capable of it, I get it. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and I finally understand that now. What you say/do may still hurt me, but it will never rip me to pieces like it used to. I love myself. Unconditionally. That's all that fucking matters.

So good job me for being brave and authentic and vulnerable, no matter how scary or painful it gets. My days of high masking, self-hatred, and suppressing who I truly am are over. I'm looking forward to finding new ways to grow and express myself more authentically -and to getting better at tuning the assholes out! *with my new noise canceling headphones!!!*🥰🤭

[butterfly-in-progress]

The phrase "be yourself" is pretty overused when giving advice on finding love. It's also pretty easy to counteract with all the harder-to-love and annoying qualities that come with "being yourself." It's a comedy cliche to have the "just be yourself! Actually, no, don't do that."

And honestly? When my goal was just to be liked? Being myself was the worst thing I could do. Because I'm genderqueer, not playing into my agab alienates pretty much all straight men, a large demographic that could theoretically like me. I'm also autistic, and the moment I started actually taking my mask off and showing symptoms such as stimming, into dumping, and sensory issues was the moment most dates stopped talking to me. Being myself meant showing off personality quirks that turn a lot of people away. (It still baffles me that the amount of effort I put into things like planning dates is considered "desperate" and "try hard" apparently.)

However, now that I have real love in my life, I'm starting to understand. "Be yourself" is shit advice to give to a lot of people when they're trying to get others to like them. But... It's the only reasonable advice if you're looking for a love worth having.

I have never felt quite as loved as when I know someone sees me at my core. The whole "rewards of being loved requires mortifying ordeal of being known" and all that jazz.

I'm in a privileged position where I have decent enough looks, and if I just pretended I wasn't genderqueer, if I just masked my autism, I could reasonably get a partner. I've done it in the past, before I learned to love myself, stuffed down those sides of me for acceptance.

It was an excellent strategy for finding a partner. But a shit one for finding love. (And also, it felt like shit to do to myself too and the masking specifically gave me a lot of burnout and anxiety. Cannot recommend)

So yeah, I know how it feels to be on the other side of it, to be single and asking how to find that love and get told "be yourself" and think "wow... You clearly have no idea what I'm working with here."

And... It's no guarantee. That's the scariest thing. There's no guarantee I would have found my person, and there's still no guarantee this will even last, as much as that breaks my heart to think about. But I could not have felt truly loved by my person, I would have never known this love, if I hadn't let him see me, if I hadn't "been myself."

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're looking for advice on finding a partner, or finding love, or making friends, and you get the "be yourself" advice: this is what that means in more explicit and detailed terms. Maybe to other people that was always more obvious but... Well I'm autistic and it wasn't to me.

Go forth and weigh the pros and cons with more knowledge. My ending note, I suppose, is there's no option where you're guaranteed to find love, but there's one option where you're guaranteed not to. It might be acceptance, or affection, or any other facsimiles, but the love I'm talking about requires being seen as who you are. If that's what you want, then the vulnerability is a requirement. I think it's worth it though, and anything worth having requires that sort of bravery.

[onecornerface]

anti-drug-user ideology and oppression

One of my many underdeveloped side projects is the analysis of drug use and its relation to oppression.

Drug users as an oppressed class, esp. similar to sex workers One element of traditional views of oppression is that there are sometimes distinct and identifiable groups of people who are oppressed classes. In some ways, I think drug users are an oppressed class of people in their own right, subjected to systemic discrimination. To some degree, they are similar to gay and poly and kinky people, insofar as some of the oppression is based in moralized opposition to deviant "lifestyles" and unapproved sources of “base” pleasure. But perhaps the closest analogy between drug users and another oppressed group is sex workers. If and insofar as sex workers should be recognized as an oppressed class, drug users should be as well—in somewhat similar ways, and for somewhat similar reasons. In both cases, there is a similar (arguably incoherent) mainstream mixture of [A] moralized and punitive oppression, and [B] ostensibly benign paternalistic coercion. In both cases, the very existence of self-advocacy, organization, and activism by the group to fight for their own rights, and for harm reduction methods and services, etc., has been ignored by the mainstream. The group is largely seen as passive victims (or worse) in such a fashion as to make the possibility of their engagement in activism unthinkable for most people. This stems from a variety of sources ranging from crass ideological dehumanization to more legitimate concern that the actions of many people in the group are less than adequately voluntary (e.g. sex trafficking victims & survival sex workers, and people with severe drug addictions or related mental illnesses). In both cases, there is (very roughly) a somewhat similar three-fold distinction of major policy views—[A] prohibit buyer and seller, [B] prohibit one while legalizing the other, and [C] legalize both. There may be pros and cons to the “member of an oppressed class” framework for analyzing oppression, and perhaps one could argue for its general or particular inadequacy. But if sex workers are an oppressed class, then drug users are as well, in a similar manner.

This might not apply to all drug users. Certainly most people who (say) drink alcohol wouldn’t be oppressed as such, in countries that legalize alcohol. On the other hand, societal rules toward “forbidden” things in general are screwy as hell, and many people in many situations can “get away with” doing things that are highly similar to other things which would put someone in an oppressed category. For instance, homophobic environments sometimes allow and encourage pretty damn gay stuff, so long as it comes with the expected disclaimers (”no homo” being the stereotypical example, but there are many other slightly similar cases).

I’ll have a few notes further on regarding complexities and exceptions, which of course are numerous. But in regard to its allowance of various arbitrary exceptions, in complex ways, I’d say anti-drug-user oppression is very much akin to other forms of oppression.

There are also close parallels between the oppression of drug users and ableist oppression. In some ways, drug-attributed harms are arguably environmentally-caused or policy-caused or multiply-caused harms—similar to some disability harms. Hilda Smith has done some work on the parallels here. Maia Szalavitz has also done some work on the parallels between anti-drug-user oppression and anti-neurodivergence and anti-autistic oppression, and on the relation between neurodiversity and addiction. Anti-drug stigma as component of other forms of oppression There are other relations between drug use and oppression which seem philosophically interesting, but I’m not sure how to classify or name a lot of them. I’m guessing there is relevant sociological literature or suchlike that fleshes some of this out. In some ways, rather than “drug users” being an oppressed class of persons, the relation of drug use to oppression is that the stigmatization of drugs is interlinked with stigmatization of various other oppressed classes. One common manifestation of this tendency is race-based. In many times and places, varying by context, some racial groups have been stereotyped as connected to a particular drug. Prejudice against the drug itself—including negative affective and cognitive states, such as condemnation and fear—become intermingled with prejudice against a racial group who is stereotyped as associated with the drug. Ideology/mythology regarding the drug becomes part of the apparatus of ideology/mythology of the race, usually negative, and tied in with other racist and oppressive ideology. For instance, in early 1900s America, Mexicans were accused of using cannabis to seduce white women. So here we have an intersection of drug stereotypes, racist stereotypes of nonwhite men as sexual predators who “steal” white women from white men, which is also sexist and patriarchal. So this is one of many ways in which notions about drugs have been interwoven into broader racist and sexist (etc.) ideologies. In some ways, the actual or perceived use of a drug by a given minority group is tarred alongside other actual or perceived aspects of the minority group’s culture or identity or suchlike, which are seen as marks of the group’s racial inferiority or cultural degeneracy or criminal proclivities or suchlike. E.g. in the 1980s and various times, black-associated cultural elements such as dreadlocks, rap music, and smoking crack, were all attacked (the crack more so than the others, but some similarities qua marks of bad culture). (There actually were more white crack smokers than black crack smokers, in total numbers. I'm not sure of the proportions.) I wouldn’t say “people who listen to rap” were an oppressed class per se (and whites who listened to rap got more mixed reception, sometimes stigma in a different way, sometimes esteem instead), but rap was stigmatized by association with black people, and black people were stigmatized by association with rap; the relation between black people and crack may have been slightly similar in structure on this level (though of course different in degree). That said, drugs and many other cultural elements sometimes get connected in various ways, and sometimes stigmatized together. E.g. IIRC in the UK for a while, there were moral panics over youth usage of MDMA and associated efforts to ban the public playing of rave music; I'm not sure whether this was particularly racist (although the US's anti-MDMA panic was in part racist and homophobic), but I think it was probably ageist. (There is a ton more to be said on the relation between drugs subcultures and music subcultures and their relation to oppressed communities-- rave, psychedelic, various stoner music, etc. Unfortunately, I know very little about this.)

Kerwin Kaye somewhat explores the relation between the condemnation of the (perceived) "drugs culture" and the racialized condemnation of (perceived) cultures of crime and poverty, in his book "Enforcing Freedom." Such perceptions have significantly shaped the practices of drug courts and coerced addiction treatment, badly compromising their ethics and effectiveness.

There have also been some recent books on the relation between US militaristic imperialism and anti-drugs crusades. “Drugs” as a plausible all-purpose scapegoat, to justify other forms of oppression Relatedly, notions about drugs are a very useful and malleable way to manipulate political perceptions. All kinds of people and/or problems can be observed or imagined to be associated with drugs in ways that make the drugs a kind of scapegoat, and/or scapegoat the people or group by their perceived association with the drugs. Sometimes “drugs” are almost a black box that can be or do all kinds of convenient functions that help grease the wheels of a political ideology and agenda. I’d like to try and catalogue some of the features of “drugs” that allow them to do this sometime. For example, we have to stop the immigrants because they’re bringing in drugs! We have to surveil and arrest tons of low-level “criminals” (and massively empower the police, and their surveillance and coercive machinery), and erode their rights in court, because some of them are using or selling or trafficking drugs! We don’t need to build more housing or reform the housing programs—we just need to (somehow) get all the homeless people off drugs! In such ways, the boogeyman of “drugs” is used as a way to drum up fear of immigrants and “criminals” (both largely poor and nonwhite), and homeless people-- as well as distract from structural reforms that may solve their problems (and ours) better instead. Notably, “drugs” is rarely defined in a clear or consistent manner.

Exceptions or quasi-exceptions to anti-drugs stigma Moreover, there are various exceptions to the anti-drug stigma, but also caveats to the exceptions. Harm is often the ostensible justification for the anti-drug stigma. But alcohol is one of the most harmful drugs, and usually isn't stigmatized or considered a drug. (But cf. Stanton Peele, and maybe Robin Room, on alcohol stigma.) However, under some conditions alcohol is stigmatized similar to other drugs—particularly when it is associated with some other already-marginalized or stigmatized groups, such as homeless people, Indigenous people, pregnant women, welfare recipients, or rape victims. Tobacco is an interesting mixed case, because it’s more stigmatized than other legal drugs in general. There is also a complex relation between anti-smoking stigma (which arguably played a big role in reducing smoking, unlike most anti-drug stigmas, which I concede, challenging the strong anti-stigma position) and anti-vaping stigma (which seems an unjustified outgrowth of the anti-smoking stigma, whilst in fact actually sabotaging the anti-smoking agenda). Anti-vaping stigma is related to ageist panics over whatever the youth are supposedly doing these days, although I'm not aware of it having the racist or classist components that many other forms of anti-drug stigma have. Anti-smoking stigma, whatever its benefits in reducing smoking, certainly does have racist and classist components. Drugs - health, personal responsibility, contamination Drugs are ideologically related to “health,” which in turn relates to disability and ableism. If you use drugs, you’re ipso facto unhealthy, thus bad. Drugs are ideologically related to “personal responsibility.” If you use drugs, then you aren't taking personal responsibility, and/or you are outside the productive workforce, so you are bad. There’s the sense that drug use makes someone contaminated on a deep level. Aspects of this seem similar to sexual purity/defilement ethics, and religious purity/defilement—arguably the most fundamentally bogus of all the moral notions.

[oc-x-canon-chaos]

Finally making an intro post. Hi

Sup. I’m a cringey little weirdo and I like Vocaloid, as you can tell from my profile picture. I am autistic and rely on imagining fictional characters to help me handle tough stuff in my life. Keep that in mind if you talk to me.

I do not tolerate ship discourse. I don’t care if you’re pro or anti, if I don’t like the ship, I’m blocking you. Im curating my experience, and my experience says no to basically every popular ship. If you don’t like that, this isn’t the blog for you, the only ship stuff I’m reblogging is me x my F/O. I think “pro ship” people are childish and immature, so if you unironically call yourself that, leave me alone and touch grass, but I’ve also had people say I’m a bad person for self shipping with a video game villain, so like. Extremists on either side DNI. I will block you. Fyi, I WILL block and report adults who self ship with minors. ESPECIALLY if the character isn’t aged up. I know there’s nuance to aging up characters if they naturally sue over the course of their story or whatever, but if the character is a kid and your s/I is an adult it grosses me out and it’s creepy af.

I also block people whose self ships are purposefully abusive. It feels like you’re romanticizing abuse and idc if it’s a coping mechanism, it makes me uncomfortable and I’m controlling MY experience. I’m fine with “sharing” F/Os, as long as you aren’t shaming my headcannons while you do it. I’m not gatekeeping Megurine Luka from everyone ever, I just don’t want to get harassed because you don’t like the pet name I think she’d use for me. Im a polyselfshipper, so all the fictional characters I’m “dating” are with me at the same time. Right now, I only have two romantic F/Os, and they aren’t dating each other. Most of my F/Os are platonic or familial. If I’m posting about an underage character, assume they’re my imaginary adopted child. I’m not being gross about them, I promise. I love interacting in reblog games! I might make some of my own!

My F/Os include:

Megurine Luka. She’s a romantic/queerplatonic partner of mine, and she’s very sweet. I imagine she’s with me to help when I’m in a crowded situation or experiencing anxiety— she is an idol, after all, and she’s used to crowds!

Springtrap. Yes, that Springtrap. He’s a queerplatonic/romantic partner. He’s here to make me feel like I have someone strong and scary on my side, to defend me. On the other side, I show him how to be a person again, by taking care of my needs. It’s a real “I can fix him” situation.

Hatsune Miku. She’s a platonic/best friend F/O. She helps with my self esteem, and makes me feel a loved and appreciated. Also, she’s Miku. There are no cons of imaginary best friend Miku.

Elizabeth Afton. Before anyone gets concerned, she is a familial F/O. I see her as my adopted kid. She helps me feel like I can protect and care for someone, and that I’m not irresponsible enough to let her get Circus Baby’d.

Withered Chica! She’s like my daughter and I love her so much. I think the official lore is that me and Springtrap adopted her (in my self ship AU, he’s separate from William, he just has his soul, so he wasn’t technically responsible for that happening to her)

Kaai Yuki. She’s another fictional adopted child of mine. I want to keep her safe!

Lacey from Lacey’s games. She’s another adopted kid F/O, I just want her to have a happy life, and imagine I rescued her and am helping her grow up and move through her trauma.

Mr. Plant and Argos from the World of Mr. Plant! They’re platonic/friend F/Os. I just like to imagine that I’m hanging out with them in the Void.

Gumi. she’s Gumi.

Howl (from howl’s moving castle). we have chemistry but we aren’t, like, together or anything, I just like thinking about him. I guess he’s my celebrity crush F/O!

There are a few others, but these are my main F/Os!

Some images that remind me of them ⬇️

[pinkarachnia]

Lesbian Anime Review #1 - Adachi & Shimamura

I have a lot of feelings about this show.

This is a story about two gay people. In my brain, one of them is autistic and the other one has ADHD. This makes it more relatable for me, an ADHD lesbian in a relationship with an autistic lesbian. The show opens pretty strong IMO. It takes a few episodes for one of the two protagonists to accept the fact that she’s developed romantic feelings for her friend, but I was happy for her once she did.

The central tension is around one character, Adachi, who is trying to push herself to speak up about her feelings for her friend Shimamura, all the while constantly feeling doubt about whether the other girl likes her at all, while the object of her affections has her own internal struggle about not wanting to get too close with anyone because she finds it suffocating.

I find Adachi relatable in a really sad kind of way. I know what it’s like to be very much into someone and feel like you’re getting mixed messages about whether your feelings are reciprocated.

Shimamura has her own struggles, but it’s more about her reflecting on her attitudes towards relationships. She generally doesn’t like anyone enough to be more than acquaintances with them, but starts feeling like those feelings of suffocation that she gets from most people don’t apply when she spends time with Adachi.

At times the show seems to be implying that Shimamura would never contemplate a romantic relationship with her friend, but I think she’s feeling that more generally, and not specifically thinking about being gay or not. Like I said, I think everyone here is gay.

One issue I have with the plot is that it feels to me like there was a point where Shimamura figures out what Adachi was feeling, but willingly ignores it. I think this happens around the half way point. But instead of moving towards a natural conclusion, the show just keeps going.

I feel like I watched the same loop of “I guess I have real romantic feelings” to “I have to tell her how I feel” and then they have an awkward hug instead of a conversation. Next episode.

It bugs me that Shimamura continues to let her friend suffer like this. Adachi will continue to push the bounds of their relationship into romantic territory, like wanting to hold hands when they're hanging out or going on valentine's dates, but when she wants to broach the topic of where the two of them are at relationship-wise, the response is some brand of, “what are you talking about”. I could forgive it for a while but the anime seems to imply that she's aware of Adachi's feelings to some extent, so it just felt unkind to me.

But this happened over and over until the anime ended, and there was no real conclusion.

This show could have concluded with half as many episodes and it failed to have a conclusion at all with the 12 they had. It reeks of light novel adaption made to promote an ongoing series where they never had the intention of animating the whole thing. Go buy the books if you want to see what happens next, I guess.

(note that English fan translations for the novels are available. At the moment they've translated all 11 that have been released, and volume 12 may be the last one according to the author's afterword in volume 10.)

It’s so sad to me because I feel like this kind of show is so rare. They made a romance show about two girls and it feels genuine for a lot of it. There’s so much gay yearning here, but there’s no payoff. Anyway I’ll be watching more gay anime until I find the best one. Stay tuned for more reviews. I’ve started another one last night and it’s uhhhhh, well, there’s gonna be a review for sure.

Pros:

feels like slice of life without the queerbait

the cast aren't gratuitously sexualised (it's a low bar, I know)

I liked it when the characters got to have different outfits

the side plot with the two friend characters who are also gay was cute

Cons:

high school setting (minor point deduction because this is so common)

plot goes nowhere and stays nowhere

absolute nothing ending

And I'm giving this one a 6/10

[Edit]

Thanks for reading my first review. I don't know if my anime commentary ever improves.

I'm adding to this older review I wrote up months ago because at this point I've read most of the books that have been released to follow up this series, which has changed my overall feelings about it.

As I noted earlier, the novels have almost concluded at this point and right now I'm on the 11th translated volume. The series has been a solid "okay" overall, and I don't think I'd change my 6/10 rating with the knowledge I now have, but there are a few things that I have different thoughts on.

The novels are much slower paced than the anime and the characters both have a constant internal monologue that helps you to see why they do the things that they do. They do this thing where they're always waxing philosophical about the nature of relationships and it makes the characters seem weird and inhuman at times.

Something that wasn't abundantly clear in the anime is that Shimamura is just kind of a dumbass. Like the reason she came across as unkind to me in the show is actually because she takes everything at face value, and all the times it seems like she's clocked her friend as gay she just thinks, "nah probably not", and moves on immediately.

I'm going to get into light spoiler territory here, so consider yourself warned.

They do eventually progress the story to the point where the main characters get to have a romantic relationship but it took way too long in my opinion. They don't get there until around volume 8 of the books, and the anime adapted the first 4.

That said, there are still several novels after 8. In one of the late volume afterwords, the author writes that the story effectively ends at volume 8 and everything else is like and extended epilogue. It's a very "light novel" mindset that the romance story ends the moment the relationship comes into being, but I'm also not opposed to the girls getting a 4 book victory lap. Good for them!

I'm glad I got to experience the rest of the story because I feel like I got more closure than the anime was willing to provide me.

I might come back to this after the 12th book is out. I might not.

[inkkusgoesbrrr]

Intruduction thing I guess?

So um... I exist-

Kinda just wanna ramble about my things because I have nowhere else and I've heard that this is a better place to ramble rather than Twitter or Amino.

I think I will just write or make an entry when I feel like it. I'm not the best following schedules, so don't expect me to post at a specific time or a specific amount of entries.

I am also still very new in this app, so it will probably take a while for me to get used to it and make better entries.

Things about me include:

Probably Asperger, still waiting on a diagnosis

Have a lot of interests

I have a hard time showing emotions without the use of slang or emoticons. I don't like emojis (the person and faces), but sometime I do use them.

Even though, I use a lot of sarcasm (I'm just copying sarcastic characters and I can't stop)

I don't know if I should get checked on this, but I get a lot of anxiety in social situations, even via Internet. If you are reading this it means I have collected the courage to start the proyect. It's been a week since I wrote this. Guess I finally got the guts.

I like drawing, reading and playing videogames

Non-binary folk, specifically agender. Because, just like atheists are atheists because they don't believe in god, I am agender because I don't believe in gender

I refrain from saying my place of living. I can speak both fluent english and spanish, and understand a bit of portuguese

Overthinker. If it takes me too much on writing or doing anything it means I am indeed overthinking it, seeing the worst it can happen and making a list in pros and cons.

It is safe to say that even if I weren't autistic I'm hyperfixated on some things that haven't gone away:

Ghostbusters (It was an old interest, came back with Afterlife)

Five Nights at Freddy's (since 2015)

Sonic (At first only with Boom's TV show, then Forces came out and quickly became my favourite)

Reborn Live, spanish streamer (Kinda have been on a hiatus)

Minecraft (ever since 2010, I like building)

I have many other interests wich I will talk about, that ranges from cats and wildlife, passing from forensics and parapsicology, and even Undertale and Halloween.

Also, feel free to ask questions. I think it would be a good exercise to start being more talkative- Of course I won't answer personal ones.

Thank you for reading.

-Ink

[autisticcassandracain]

24, 25 and 28, cass for both

24. Ship(s) that makes you cringe.

Honestly unless I directly state otherwise it's pretty safe to assume I'm cringing at your ship.

25. Has fanon or canon been worse to Cass?

Tough call tbh. But honestly? Tentatively going with fanon, because fanon!Cass isn't a character. She exists to be page filler or a therapist. While canon has fucked over Cass royally, it also gave her a 70-issue long solo that was, for the most part, pretty damn good. And the bad stuff at least gives me something to talk about. Fanon Cass is just... nothing.

28. What’s a popular fandom take you disagree with about Cass?

I'm trying to think, and maybe it's just bc I'm tired and my brain isn't working great, but I think I mostly agree with fandom takes on Cass? At least, when it comes to fans of her actual canon character, rather than like, the fanon fans. In terms of popular headcanons, I don't necessarily think that ASL would be as magical a solution for her as it's often portrayed, due to the fact that her language troubles are rooted in a fundamental lack of ability to understand constructed language, but I still do like the headcanon that she uses it because I do think it'd be easier for her to use than English because a) I headcanon her as autistic and a lot of non/semi-verbal autistics do find ASL easier to use than verbal language, and b) she wouldn't have to pronounce the words with her mouth. But tbh that's less of a disagreement on whether she would use/benefit from ASL to begin with, and more of a disagreement on the way it's usually portrayed.

In terms of disagreements on canon characterization, whoever... idk. Maybe that I think the vast majority of her moral system is based on projection rather than an innate understanding of morality? It's not that she's never thought about morality, in fact a large part of her solo was her being confronted with difficult questions regarding morality time and time again, but I think part of the reason those storylines work so well is that, by nature, Cass's moral system wasn't so much consciously constructed as it was guided by projection.

She saw the way the life leaves a person when they die, and it traumatized her and made her understand what 'death' is on a level deeper than most people, so she decided murder was bad. She didn't factor 'murder bad' into her moral system due to any conscious deliberate thought process that lead her to think of murder as bad, at least, not initially. Similarly, her belief that criminals/villains can get better is due to her projecting upon them, and needing to believe they can get better, because she needs to believe she can get better. Not due to sitting down and thinking about restorative justice.

The reason her solo decided to challenge her on morality so often is to have her build up a more conscious moral system, and examine the ways in which her projection can often be as harmful as it is helpful. And she did! By the time she moved to Bludhaven, she'd build up a solid moral system based as much on her own personal experience as it was based on sitting down and thinking about morality.

I also think this is the primary difference between her and Bruce, ultimately; Bruce constructed his moral system by logically thinking about the pros and cons of his actions and coming to conclusions that way, whereas Cass's moral system is largely based on instinct and projection. It's not that Bruce's moral system isn't also partially based in personal experience, or that Cass's moral system isn't partially build upon logical examinations of morality, but that's where their cores are, imo.

Anyway, to get back to the point, I guess I disagree with the fandom take that Cass as a person has a natural sense of morality. It's easy to simplify Cass to someone who's just innately good, a simplification I have also made to avoid writing the paragraphs above into every post, but idk, I can never tell how much people mean that literally and how many are using it as shorthand, so. there's that I guess.

[deadmomjokes]

Hey, I was wondering if you'd be willing to share how you came to the decision to have a kid? I'm struggling with it a lot since having kids has been expected of me my whole life and now that I'm married it feels even more like an expectation than a choice of my own to make with my spouse. I guess I'm trying to understand others' reasons for their decision to help me come up with one for myself. Sorry if this is a bother!

Not a bother at all!

For me, it was kind of a slow process. As a kid, it was assumed folks just grew up and would have kids, and at first I just went along with it. Then when I got old enough to realize the amount of responsibility involved, and that it involved *gasp* kissing boys, I was all kinds of NOPE. But I didn’t tell anyone that. I just inwardly figured I’d be the Fun Aunt who never got married, never had kids, and lived with a bunch of dogs and maybe a horse.

Then, after my mom died (I was about 17), something weird happened. Idk if you’re the kind of person who believes in spirits, the afterlife, the before-life, souls, etc, but I started feeling two things very strongly: 1, I somehow felt/knew my mom was looking after my kids until they could come to earth, and 2, I felt a very specific presence that I realized was my first daughter, whom I now have the pleasure of having irl.

Obviously, not everyone is going to have that kind of experience, but for me, it was a big “OH” moment, and I realized that what I didn’t like was the expectation of it all, and also, what teenager/kid is really ready for or ready to accept the responsibilities and realities of having kids? Of course I didn’t want kids, I was too young, and that’s how it should have been!

When I ended up meeting and marrying my now husband, we talked about kids, and we both knew we were waiting on at least our first daughter (fun story: we both independently “realized” her name way before we were ever married. her name is Ivy Marie, and it kind of just came really strongly to both of us. this girl, I tell ya, she’s had some serious Opinions even before she was born, and she wanted to make dang sure we knew what her name was going to be.). But we figured we’d start having kids years down the line, after enjoying just being us.

Then, randomly and totally by chance, I ended up doing my academic internship in Early Childhood Development and Parental Education, and about that same time I started feeling like “maybe I should have a baby?”. It was super weird. I can’t really describe how I knew, except as a “should do” that came from beyond and yet inside me. But it wasn’t one of those, “Oh, everyone says I should have kids or should start having them now” kind of things, it was this really unshakeable feeling that I missed my children. Like I knew them already, and was waiting for them. And that now (then) was the time to go ahead and see what I could do about meeting them, whether that was having a baby naturally, adopting, fostering, etc.

It’s all really nebulous to describe, but for me, it was a real, almost tangible thing. I knew, just like knowing you’re hungry or thirsty or sleepy, that I wanted kids, MY kids, and that I wanted to find a way to get them into my family.

Not everyone feels that way. For some folks, it’s more like a weighing of pros and cons. Or it’s like flipping a coin and suddenly realizing in the air which side you hope it lands on, and there’s your answer. For others, it’s something you pray about (I also did that), something you study (lots of cool parenting classes out there!), something you even practice at (babysitting! so helpful, but also not at all representative, for good or ill).

And the best part is, it’s not a once-and-for-all decision! You can think on it now and decide with your spouse that it’s not something you want right now, and then in a few years you think on it again and realize “oh hey, now we want kids!”

But ultimately, there are some questions that must be asked and answered re:having babies/kids.

Why do I want to have a child/children? This seems obvious, and like the whole question you asked me, but it’s a bit more specific and more complicated than that. This is about the “selfish” reasons, the reasons that tie back to your desires for yourself. In my case, I answer this with “I feel like I’m incomplete/missing family without my child/children” among a few others (but that’s the big one). If your answer to this question involves other people-- because my parents want grandkids, because I should, because my spouse does-- then you need to do some more soul searching.

Why do I want to be a parent? This is about what you want to give to your child/children. This is the “unselfish” version of the previous question. What do you hope your children get from you, and not in a physical sense. My answer to this one is “I want to help my child/children be part of the good in the world, break generational/societal hurts and problems, and give them both the good things I got and the things I never did.”

Are you prepared for a child? I’m not trying to say that you have to be a parenting expert making 6 figures a year with your own home and two cars to have kids. I’m saying there are times and places and situations that would be very detrimental to you and/or your child. You should also have some grasp of the permanence of parenthood, and what it takes to have and raise a baby/child. Practice budgeting, look into how schools work, watch some birthing videos, look up parenting resources. Basically, just learn a bit before you decide, but also, IMPORTANT NOTE don’t let all the info you find scare you off completely. 18+ years always seems insurmountable and impossible when you try to cram it all into a 2am google search. I’m just suggesting you have some idea of the nitty-gritty before you get handed a tiny person and get told to keep it alive forever.

Are you healthy enough to have kids? Not to say that disabled or chronically ill folks can’t/shouldn’t have kids, but that some people might be at serious risk of death or other irreparable harm by having kids (usually talking about birthing them). This includes mental illness. Do not try adding a child to your family-- one of the hugest life changes you’ll ever make-- while you’re in an uncontrolled spiral or dealing with unmanaged mental or physical illness.

Are you prepared to love your child no matter what? It’s easy to say that about a cute little squishy potato child who only wants to be held all day, but I’m talking about the whole child. The baby up through the adult. Are you prepared to love as a conscious choice even when your child is making bad decisions or ‘disappointing’ you? Are you prepared to love your child through toddler tantrums that never end? Are you prepared to love your gay child, your disabled child, your nonverbal child, your catatonic child? Are you prepared to give the same love to your transgender child as to your cisgender one? Are you prepared to love your Down Syndrome child as an adult, or your autistic child as a hormonal teenager who is struggling? Are you prepared to love the child who struggles in school, or who doesn’t care at all just as much as your straight-A’s bookworm who never gets in trouble? The delinquent, not just the angel? The aspiring screamo even when you’re a church-choir mouse? You should never bank on “well my child will never....” It’s not fair to your child. And ultimately, it’s not about you. Yes, parenthood should be fulfilling for you, but it’s really about loving another person so much that you’re willing to dedicate your life to theirs.

I realize this is way long, but I have a ton of feelings about kids and parenthood/parenting. So I apologize for the rant, and hope that something in here has been helpful or has come close to your original question.

Ultimately, this is a choice only you and your spouse can make, and screw societal/family/religious expectations. This is about you and your family, the one you choose to make. You get that choice, and if you choose not to have kids (or not have them right now), you may get flak for it, but just like nobody can tell you what to do with your limbs, nobody can tell you what to do with your life, and the lives you choose to make or influence.

And a tl;dr version, I chose to have kids because I felt like they were a part of me waiting to be “let in,” if that makes sense. It was something my spouse and I both talked about, then thought about individually for a long time, then came together and discussed for a long time. We wanted parenthood, and we wanted to raise children to be part of the good in the world, and we want to be that good for even a few little people. (And also, our daughter was like “BRUH, I’m waiting for you guys to get a move on, I’m gonna be the best thing in your lives. Also here’s my name don’t wear it out.” She was never, nor is she now, subtle.)

[adultingautistic]

Are other people scared of getting a diagnosis? I know my family would never believe me/take me seriously if I don't have a diagnosis but I'm a single parent and what if the dad decides to do a custody battle some day and they use my diagnosis against me. Unlikely that he would but it's still a scary thought

This is a terrifying thought, and a very, very legitimate reason not to get a diagnosis. 

Unfortunately, the current world as it is, is a very unfair place.  There are many reasons why a person might choose to self-diagnose and never get a professional diagnosis, and this is one of them.  

Before you get a professional diagnosis, you have to weigh the pros of getting one against the cons of getting one.  So for you, the con is very big- keeping custody of you children is essential, it’s the biggest responsibility you’ll ever have, and you should protect your children with all your might, even against unforeseen future repercussions.

So I guess the question is, what are you seeking from a professional diagnosis?  What do you hope to gain from it?  If it is just to know your own mind better, then you can do that almost as well with a self-diagnosis.  The only person who needs to know you’re autistic is you, because you can still self-accommodate, and learn about your own mind, and find ways to help you overcome challenges, and you do not need a professional diagnosis to do this.

You mentioned your family never believing you that you have autism, if you don’t have a professional diagnosis. That may be true, but in that case, they don’t need to.  While it would certainly help you if they believed you, you don’t need them to in order to ask them to accommodate you.  One example from my own life is that I need lead time- I do not do spontaneous plans, they are basically impossible for me, I need to know at least a few days ahead of time that I’m going somewhere.  My partner’s family doesn’t know I’m autistic, but after years of knowing me, they do know that “If you want Snazzy to attend a thing, you have to give them advanced notice.”  I have taught them, through drawing boundaries, that if they ask me to be somewhere last-minute, I will not be able to come.  And so they make sure to ask me a few days ahead of time (mostly), and if they don’t, then I simply don’t go.

This is an example of you accommodating yourself, and getting the accommodations you need from your family, without having to tell them you’re autistic.  Yes, in a perfect world, it would be better if you were able to be completely open with them and share with them what you know about yourself.  But if they are not the type to listen, then don’t go through the pain of forcing them to (only to have them not).  Instead, get the accommodations you need to improve your relationship with them without using the word “autism”.

The only reason to get a professional diagnosis is if you needed more formal support, such as accommodations at work or from your government.  In these cases you would need a professional diagnosis, and would have to weigh whether getting those services would be worth the risk of possibly losing custody of your children.  This is of course super unfair, and no one should ever have to choose between their own mental health and their children’s well-being, but the world isn’t always a fair place.

So you can get the things you need, and the support you need, from your family and friends without a professional diagnosis.   I encourage you to start there, and see where that takes you.  Learn about autism, and about other neurodiversities, and whenever an article or a post speaks to you, try to find ways to meet that challenge through self-accommodation and family accommodation.  Continue to grow and improve your life, so that you can be the best person, and the best parent, that you can be.