#props 2 u if u read all ths

[brrrkdslek]

BLING BLING～

🂱 moments of ateez' 9th member, m/n, atinys specifically adore!

🂱 ateez x gn! 9th member! reader

🂱 wrote this at 1am LMFAOO

clip 1 ― m/n before stage!!!

"heyyy, i'm getting ready to go onstage~" you set your phone down and step backwards for a few steps before doing a little twirl in your black suit, as if it was a skirt. "what event are you doing?" you read out a question, "ah, i was actually picked to be a pianist for the orchestra. it's gonna be my turn soon so i need to practice the piece."

you pull out your laptop and began to play robeats on it, confusing the atinys. "yes, i am practicing right now." you turn your laptop to show them your screen, "it's flight of the bumblebee, so i'm technically practicing!" atinys booed in your comments as you bursh out laughing, "alright, fine! i'll be fine anyways!"

clip 2 ― san gets scolded by m/n noona

"okay so i am working on the designs for the new comeback and i'm so excited to show you guys soon!" you squealed in delight as san tried to open the plastic box, blinking at it when it didn't budge.

"also the colours are- san, move the drinks or you'll knock them down." he groaned while trying to pry the box open, almost pulling a muscle. "i'm hungry san, what's taking so long?" you rest your cheek on your hand as you scroll on your phone.

"san for the last time, move the drinks or they'll-" as if on cue, san successfully pries the box open. the consequence was that the dumplings inside flew out at how violently he pried it, along with the two cans of drinks that spilled on the ground, staining the carpet in the process.

you toss your phone onto the table and rubbed your temple in frustration. "hyung-" "come here." san immediately turn around and stuck his ass in your direction, the comments coming in twice as fast as it did. you smacked his ass harshly, "i told you to move the drinks, didn't i?"

"sorry..." he mumbled sadly, "i know, but now we'll starve until tomorrow afternoon." you laid back against the chair and cried internally, san sitting back down and leaning onto you your shoulder.

clip 3 ― burning hot noona

you washed the dishes with your phone propped above the sink, chatting with the atinys. "ah, yes. i did contribute in the costuming for guerrilla and halazia, it was really challenging as..."

atinys watched wooyoung walk into the kitchen and grab a coke from the fridge before wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your cheek, pulling away with a loud 'chuu'. atinys squealed at the adorable interaction in the comments.

"yah, i'm older than you woo." you smiled despite your playful tone, "aw, that's right. m/n noona!" the two giggled before wooyoung reached to wash his hands in the sink, screaming loudly when the water hit his hands.

"AHH, WHY IS IT SO HOT!?" wooyoung cried as he gripped and blew air onto his reddening hand. jongho could be heard snickering in the background, "don't you know our noona uses boiling hot water to wash dishes?" you frowned, "yeah, cause it washes the oil off easily."

you turn the water off and grab a few ice cubes from the freezer, placing them into wooyoung's hands and kissing his cheek. "aww, sorry jagi..." he licked your cheek before dashing into the living room , "YAH JUNG WOOYOUNG!"

clip 4 ― message to my lovely members! <3

you sat idly in the hotel room as you watched the number of viewers rise up, recognising seonghwa's disguise account. a notification popped up as you read it, 'minki pinki: we are watching ur live from hyung's phone, miss u!'

you smiled, "hey, my atinys! did you guys miss me? i missed you so much!" you hug your plush tightly against your chest as you read all the nice and loving comments from your fans.

"i also hope my members are doing fine without me!" you fixed some things on your desk before reading out some comments, "you must be worried since you're the big sister of the group," you giggled, "when will you guys stop making me the big sister? at least, make me a man again!"

"well, i think i am worried. i mean i miss them so much, and i hate to admit but it's really lonely without them here. yeah, filming is fun and all but it'd be way more fun if i had my members with me right now."

"also, i left some homemade slushies in the fridge for my dear members! please have some, i know you guys are working hard!" a notification sounds from your phone, 'staff: scene 29 in three hours so you should get ready.' you sighed, "well, i gotta go now. love you!"

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[lilbongwater]

reading my lesbian experience with loneliness made me realize how much i rly hate feeling like i have to  impress ppl or be a certainn way for ppl which is why i hate bieng on social media lately too i guess..

I feel like ppls image of me is extremely different to what im actualy like and i wanna keep up that image ppl have of me u kno but.. Its so tiring u kno?? Like sry  im not rly someome that can always b happy sunny bouncy bubbly dream girl u kno..

I feel lke i have to keep taht image up for everyone.. My parents, teachers, freidsn, even my bf (aahh mikey if u end up readin this… >m< !!!!!!!!!!!!) but like fuck guys im SAD and scared and hurt and confused all the time..

Im sad and im tired and u know what i honestly just wanna go into interior BC and live in soltude and eventually get eaten by bears.. Like iuhghf… my internet self n real sefl r so.. Differnt n idek why… like i DO like hello kitty n pink n sparkly things n shit but rly  honestly deep down more than anything i love being outside and camping and swimming and bugs and and andnandanda lOTS lots lots of thing s that contradict what i am now.. Like im syaing all this and i have!! Glittery pink acrylic nails!! Like!! Hhdhgfd!!

God my minds goign  all over the place sry

Idk man im just .. im a multi faceted person… im trying to b comfortable with that.. I feel lik theres pressure to b one kind of person all the time or else ur a fake but thats not!!! True!!!! Thats not truw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly i kinda blame instagram n shit for tht kinda thinking tho… ppls instagram is so curated t b this… perfect life.. Idk how to put it into words uggghh…  also i wish i could criticize social media and its negative effects without feelinn like a Millienial Traitor but like…. Can we admt tht social media is like??? Knida shitty? Like its a great tool for rasing awareness but DAMN does it fuck with ur confiddence n self image n image of others… n thinking abt how rly young impressionable kids r growing up on this is almost   scary/?? The internet was an almost entirely different place 5 yrs ago  u kno??? Idk..

An d on the topic of change… i rly cannot keep up with everything . theres so mcuh pressure to do things FAST  n i just.. I cant do that. Evryones rushing to get things done as fast as possible, get new products as fast as possible… and i feel ike i get left behind. Ive always been kinda a late bloomer i thik but.. Aahhhhhhh

  Anyways i kinda wish i could write poetry but usually ppl mock ppl tht are trying to express themselves in honest yet artistic ways.. I jus wanna b genuine without beng mocked. I think thats what i mean after all this rambling

  Yeah i just wanna be more genuine

   I think i might remake again

[charmingyong]

Noxious Cherry (1)

Part 1 | Part 2

Genre: criminal!Taeyong x fem!reader

Warnings: psycho, deception, theft, shootings, swearing, car explosion

Word count: 2.7k

Plot: You found a pink haired man lying on the ground and decided to check up on him when you should have run away. 

A/N: I AM OBSESSED WITH TY’S GTA! This genre reminds me of @taeyongtime’s Pre: Ace of Fools so do check that out if wanting another psycho read.

Gif: mine

- ❀ -

Finally home time!

The feeling of settling into your car after the end of your night shift was a pleasant one. You relaxed your head against the headrest and let the exhaustion from having to stand hours preparing the endless coffee orders leave your body before starting your car. You drove down the empty streets, a few nonfunctioning streetlamps creating a dim lighting along the sidewalks. Mindlessly, you passed by a park where a dark figure laid still on the ground.

Reaching a red light of an intersection, you thought back to the thing you caught a glimpse of earlier and something itched in you to go back and check it out. When the lights turned green, you made a U-turn and found the figure still there, unmoving.

Walking closer to it, you realized it was a boy with pink hair, eyes closed looking unconscious, though his chest rhythmically rose up and down. You squinted to get a better look of his face under the low lighting and did not spot a single scratch on the skin to hint any signs of him being injured.

Is he okay? you thought. Should I wake him up?

Worried that he could have been bruised under his clothes, you called for him. “Hello? Are you okay?”

Hearing your voice, his eyes fluttered open and his breath hitched upon seeing a beautiful face up close. You were relieved that he was alive, but grew uneasy when he merely stared at you, not responding back to you with words.

“Um, are you okay?” you asked again, hoping he would say something about why he was on the ground in the middle of the night.

He only groaned as he shifted his weight to sit upright, rolling his neck and shoulders in circles to alleviate the tensed muscles.

“Should I call the ambula-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off with a small glare. He couldn’t afford getting caught if he were taken to the hospital, especially when he didn’t even need to go there in the first place.

You bit your lip nervously, unsure what to do next. You didn’t want to be rude and leave him alone all of a sudden, but you really wanted to go home. Should you drop him home? Get a grip, Y/N! He was a stranger, and you couldn’t tell if he was safe enough to bring him inside your car. “But are you hurt?”

“It’s not that bad,” he replied. “Just take me home.”

Shit.

Looked like you were taking him into your car.

“Where do you live?” You hoped he didn’t live somewhere too far so you could get under the covers of your cozy blankets as soon as you could.

The boy cocked his head to the side and gazed at you in amusement. “Take me to your home.”

You were thankful it wasn’t summer just yet. Otherwise, mosquitoes would have entered your jaw-dropped mouth. Was he crazy? Why would anyone in their right mind ask to be taken to a complete stranger’s home? Especially one where you lived alone. “Why my home? Don’t you have one?”

He propped his upper body up with hands resting beside him, watching you with a dark glint in his eyes that you failed to notice. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

The boy was adamant and wouldn’t take no for a response, making you pray to the Lords that nothing bad would happen when taking home the pink haired whose name you learned was Taeyong.

-

Your keys repeatedly failed to connect with the lock of your house. It was hard to when Taeyong’s intense gaze was fixed on your side profile. “Sorry,” you nervously chuckled. “I’m really tired from work,” you tried reasoning.

After struggling for a while, he snatched the key from your grasp and unlocked the door, pushing it open and inviting himself in. You stay rooted by the entrance, shocked that Taeyong casually opened the door and simply walked in as if it were his house.

Taeyong looked around your place, interested to see the soft-hearted person you were with various photos of your loved ones hanging on the walls.

“Do you need the first aid kit?” you asked.

He touched himself in the stomach and hissed. “Yeah.”

You nodded and went to search for the kit in the bathroom. When out of his sight, Taeyong plopped down on the sofa, letting out a long exhale and half smiled. He found it new and amusing with someone being concerned for his well-being.

With the kit in your hand, you took a moment to calm down your racing heart. Taeyong was not letting you feel comfortable for a reason that you failed to decipher. You met your gaze in the mirror and told yourself that nothing bad should happen. How could a wounded boy harm a girl?

You walked back into the living room and were relieved to see Taeyong resting on the sofa with his eyes closed. If he wanted to harm you, then he wouldn’t be lounging around like that. “I brought it.”

He hummed and opened one eye. “You can leave it there and head for bed,” he said nodding towards the small table in front of him.

“Don’t you need any help though?” What if he had any wounds on his back that he couldn’t reach?

Taeyong clicked his tongue. “I’ll be fine.”

“I have a guest bedroom. You can sleep there,” you offered.

He shook his head. “I’m fine here.”

“But the sofa isn’t-”

“I’m fine.”  

You bit back your tongue, letting him decide on his own what was best for him. It was odd that he wouldn’t opt for a bed to let his body relax and heal faster. “Okay, I’ll bring you a pillow and blanket then.”

“I don’t need them. That throw will be fine.” He pointed at one draped over the armchair.

Were you being too pushy? Why was this guy refusing everything that you were kindly offering? “Okay… I’ll head up then. G’night.” With that, you hurriedly went up to your refuge and finally called it a night.

Once the coast was clear, Taeyong pulled off his denim jacket and shirt over his head, observing his skin.

Flawless skin.

Not a single wound spotted.

You’re a cute one, he thought and smirked to himself.

- ❀ -

You took Taeyong out for shopping the next day, as per his so-called request. It was more of a demand. You didn’t understand why he was staying at your place but decided to keep your mouth shut and hoped that he’d leave you soon.

While you wandered around the cosmetics section, Taeyong left your side, his eyes catching interest of the sparkling diamonds department.

“Hello, sir. What would you like to see?” the woman behind the counter asked sweetly.

Taeyong paid no mind looking at her and locked his gaze on a specific 2 carat round eternity engagement ring in 14k white gold. “How much is that?” he pointed at the ring enclosed in the display case.

“Twenty-five thousand dollars, sir.”

Taeyong let out a whistle and propped his elbow on the casing. He turned around to search for you, finding you try on a couple of samples on your skin, and his lips curled up when seeing you pleased with the products.

The man not being by your side gave you some time to calm your heart down. You didn’t know why you felt that way with Taeyong when he hadn’t done anything to harm you. Something warned you from the inside to not trust him, even though he hadn’t done anything to invade your privacy at home. You were glad that he chose to sleep downstairs and so a part of you grew fond for him despite the short time.

Then what was this feeling that you probably made a grave mistake for helping him out last night?

You put away the product testers and searched for Taeyong, spotting the pink one easily as he leisurely passed by two security guards and picked out a pistol from its holder without them knowing.

“What the…” you breathed out. What was this guy going to do with a gun?

Taeyong made his way over to the fire alarm system and pulled it down. A loud, 3-beep pattern resonated throughout the store and numerous customers panicked, dashing out the building while the guards tried to figure out what was going on. The boy walked back to the diamonds where the employee was still there, frantically locking everything up before leaving for safety.

“Give me the ring,” Taeyong ordered. His blank expression made the woman not take him seriously and ignored him. Just when she was about to leave the counter, Taeyong held up the gun at her forehead and repeated. “Give me or I’ll shoot you.”

“B-But th-there’s a fire!” she cried. She didn’t want to die from the fire, or from the gunshot, or from her boss that she gave one of the most expensive rings away for free.

“There’s no fire. Quit wasting time or I’ll shoot.”

The guards caught up on the situation. “Hey you! Put that gun down or I’ll shoot you!” one said, while the other informed the situation through his walkie talkie.

Taeyong grabbed the woman in the blink of an eye, holding her as a shield with the gun pressed against her temple. “If you come near me, she dies.”

The guards backed away and held their hands up. “Okay okay! Let her go, man.”

I will, but after I get my ring, he thought.

He pulled the worker behind the counter, keeping her in front of him, and ordered her again. She obeyed, the fear of having to die from his gun scariest than any other consequence she’d have to face later. “D-Do you want the r-ring casing?”

“Just the damn ring.”

She handed it over with shaky hands. He shoved it inside the pocket of his jeans and shot the two guards down. The woman screamed and he pushed her away.

“Chill. I won’t kill you unless you get in my way.”

He sprinted to your rooted spot where you silently watched the scene unfold. Taeyong pulled you out of your shock self when he grabbed your hand and darted for the exit, letting your feet automatically respond to his action.

“Pass me the car key,” he instructed.

You didn’t want to, not when he shot two people in front of your eyes. But you chose to trust him than get caught now that you were technically his partner in crime. You both rushed to your car with him diving into the driver’s seat while you in the passenger. The police sirens could be heard from a distance and Taeyong wasted no time and slammed on the accelerator without putting on his seatbelt.

He went over the speed limit, overtaking the slower cars in the lanes as he tried to widen the gap between him and the flashing red and blue lights. A red traffic light was fast approaching, and cars were lined up ahead. But the boy made no plans to pull the brakes.

“You need to slow down!” you screamed.

The pink haired peeked at the rearview mirror, spotting the cops not too far behind them.

“Taeyong, stop!” Right before he could touch the stopped vehicles, he swerved the car abruptly to the empty lanes.

The lanes for the opposite direction.

You pulled at your hair, close to losing your sanity. “Are you fucking trying to kill us?”

The cops took a while to decide on the next course of action before following suit. He smirked, pleased with himself. “Relax, sweetheart. I’m good at this.”

Traffic was ongoing perpendicular to your direction and you were horrified with what the psycho was planning to do next. Without slowing the speed, Taeyong sped through the intersection once spotting an opening. Cars screeched to a stop and honked at the maniac driver.

This was a nightmare.

The very nightmare that the pink haired found thrilling.

Once on a street clear of any other vehicles besides yours and the police, you shouted, “I’m feeling fucking sick!”

“Hang in there. The show’s almost over.”

Wait…

What?

He checked the rearview again and the spacing was perfect. There were only two cars after them, making it easy for his plan to work.

Taeyong slammed the brakes and turned the steering wheel all the way, spinning the car 360 degrees. You screamed and held onto the handle tightly, shutting your eyes.

“Hold the wheel,” he said.

“What?”

He grabbed your hand and placed it on the steering wheel. “Hold it,” he directed. After you did, Taeyong pushed your head below the windows, clear from his aim. He lowered the glass barriers and shot at an incoming auto, aiming perfectly at the one in front of the other which resulted it to swerve out of control. This caused the one behind it to collide and flip over onto its roof. And not too long after-

BAAM!

It exploded into flames, ending the chase.

-

Taeyong stepped out of your new car and you followed, slamming the door shut angrily. “Why the fuck did you do that?” Your eyes moisten from the intense anger that built up inside.

He rounded the vehicle and stopped in front of you, alarming you when he suddenly grabbed your hand.

You tried to yank your hand free, but his grip was tight. “What the hell are you doing?”

His hand dug in his pocket for the stolen ring and slid it onto your ring finger. “I got this for you,” he spoke quietly while admiring the beauty that rested on your hand.

Your rage died for a moment, puzzled that he’d do such a thing to get you a ring. “Why?” Tears fell from its place and you wailed. “Why did you do it?” You never asked for any of this, from the theft to the shootings, to him even changing your car at a dealership who he was well acquainted with.

Taeyong shrugged coolly as if it was no big deal. “Just felt like it. I saw it and I wanted to get it for you. Usually I steal cars, so be honoured that I stole a beauty like that for you.” He winked at you and walked inside your house.

You took a moment to scream your frustration out, almost kicking the car before deciding against it. Walking in, you found the boy sprawled on the sofa, eyes closed.

“If you wanted to get me it, then you should have paid for it like a normal person would!”

He peeked at you through one eye. “Do you know how much that’s worth?”

It was a no brainer that it was expensive. But exactly how much… “No.”

“Twenty-five grand.”

Talk about getting all the wind knocked out of your lungs. That was nearly how much you’d make in a year and you were not going to wear it.

Especially when it was involved in a criminal act.

You ripped it off your finger and chucked it at him. He swiftly caught it as if he expected that reaction from you.

“Get the fuck out of my house! And don’t you dare show me your face again!”

Taeyong slowly sauntered to you, a predatory look in his eyes. You backed away from him trying to keep a distance until your backside met the wall. He trapped you in his arms, resting his hands on either sides of your face and wore a smug smile. “I can. But what will happen to you?”

You blinked and attempted to gulp down the ball forming at the back of your throat. “W-What do you mean?”

He lifted one hand off and showed you the ring. “They’ll be looking for this and footage from the security cameras will show that there was a boy and a girl that left together with the ring.”

Oh crap.

“I’m an expert at running away without getting caught, sweetheart. But if you don’t want to get caught, then you’ll have to keep me around. I’ll make sure both of us will be safe.” Taeyong leaned close to your ear, whispering with a hot breath that sent a shiver down your spine, “It’s my specialty.”

[mudhorn-djarin19]

A Helping Hand Chp.1 - Din Djarin x f!reader

I hope you guys like this fic! Was a fun random idea I had spur in my mind one day ;) Rating: Mature Warnings: fluff, nudity, slight smut, eventual smut - shower sex but not lol Masterlist Chapter 2 AO3 link Join my taglist via here! He’s been gone for hours, almost a full day. You knew he’d be gone for awhile cause this sounded like a tough quarry but he’s smart and strong. This felt like longer than it should have been. The child was already fast asleep and tucked away in his pod so you were left to yourself until his return. You decided to go sit and read one of the novels your picked up along the way at a market to help pass the time. Not much time passed when you heard the hull’s door opening and heavy footsteps followed by heavy breathing coming in. The footsteps got closer and you saw Mando shaking, clutching his lower torso, breathing heavily. “Wh-what happened??” You ask as he drops to his knees. “Hurt. Bad. “Please put the quarry into the carbonite for me…” He replies slowly huffing for beath between words. You rush over and drag the quarry over to the carbonite. Hoisting it up into it’s chamber as best as you can, dead bodies aren’t light. Once it’s in the frame you slam your hand down on the button freezing it before rushing back over to Mando.  “Where are you hurt?” You ask, inspecting him “Lower torso.” He replies, removing his hand and leaning against the wall. “Can you help me disinfect and bandage it?” You nodded running to the opposite side and pushing a button to open a small door in the wall that holds all your medical supplies. You grab the bandages, disinfecting supplies and for safety measures the cauterizer  incase the wound is worse than he’s making it out to be. “I need you to remove your armor.” You say. He nods but groans as he goes to move. You can tell he’s sore from whatever fight was put up but also from the injury he sustained. “Do you need help?” You ask, not wanting him to strain himself anymore than need be. “Please…” He sighs. You work at removing his pauldrons, gauntlets, belts and chest piece, laying them beside you in a pile. “Okay, now let me look at this injury” You say as you lift up the bottom hem of his tunic. As you do you notice the injury is definitely worse than he made it out to be. It’s a big gash in his lower abdomen. It’s long, deep and bloody. “Um… Mando. This doesn’t look good. We may need to cauterize it closed…” You frown. Mando groans, not liking the idea but will do whatever you think is best. You first grab the disinfecting spray, shaking it and then spray it over the wound, clearing out any germs so he doesn’t get sick. Mando groans in response as it burns. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. “ You give in response, placing your hand on his forearm which is stretched across his knee. “I-it’s fine. It’s what needs to be done. Continue, please.” He huffs through pain. You next grab the medical rags and start dabbing gently at the wound, clearing any excess blood and spray. Once it’s cleaned up enough you sigh and look up at Mando. “Okay. I’m going to start to cauterize it closed… brace yourself.” He nods in response and you flip the switch to the cauterizer. It hums and starts to warm up. You hate using this thing cause it’s painful but if you want him to stop bleeding, get the wound fully fixed and him to feel better it’s what’s necessary. You sigh and bring the little machine down to his torso, slowly bringing it closer until it starts to zap the wound shut, leaving a scar in its tracks. Mando shakes and groans in pain as you do so, this wound it bigger than the ones he’s had in the past so it takes longer but you try to get it over with as quick as possible. Once you fully cauterize it closed you grab some ointment from the pile , rubbing it gently over the new scar to soothe the pain and make it heal easier, placing a bandage on top to keep it sealed off for a bit. “Okay. All done.” You say patting Mando’s arm gently.” “Th-thank you…” He replied “What happened that you got that?” You ask, scared of the answer. “Long story. But in short, there was more people there than expected and one caught me off guard, getting a good lunge at my side, as you saw.” “Oh... I’m sorry. Well, I am glad you got your quarry still and more importantly made it back safely so I could fix you up.” You say. He nods and starts to speak before stopping. “Um…” “Hm?” “I need to shower… get the dirt off me as well as any blood elsewhere from any knicks…” He trails off again. “Okay. Here let me help you up and I’ll get it started for you.” You reach your hands down to help pull him up. His hands grab onto yours and he plants his feet to help push himself up some so you aren’t stuck pulling all his bulky muscular weight. However, as you help pull him up he groans in response terrible and nearly collapses back down on your before catching himself. “What’s wrong?” You ask concerned. “It hurts… to move. Move anything. I... “ He sighs. “Maker, I hate to ask this cause I don’t want to put you into an awkward position but… do you think you could help me shower?” Your cheeks immediately go flush. Help Mando shower? You mean… see him… naked? Sure you most definitely won’t see his face but mostly everything else if not actually everything else? Maker, you suddenly feel hot. You know he can probably see the red spreading across your face, there’s no hiding it. “U-um…” You start to say unsure how to answer. “S-sure...” You finally say. He throws an arm around your shoulder to help balance himself before rotating himself to be side by side with you. You wrap one arm around his back to help support him and grab his hand over your shoulder with the other before you both start slowly walking over to the fresher room. You push the button to open it up and flip the switch on before helping Mando sit down on the closed toilet. “D-do you need help undressing or can you do it?” You ask shyly. Mando works at pulling his arms out of his tunic but groans in pain as he works to pull it over his head. Helmet in the way. “Shut your eyes quick.” He says You nod and do so. You hear the helmet clink as he sets it down on the sink, not long after hearing fabric rustle. He groans. “I… It hurts to lift my arms over my head. Help me pull this off.” You take a step closer to him, trying not to trip in your temporary blindness and reach your hands out until you feel his, you grab next to where they are placed. He removes his and let’s you do the rest. As you pull the tunic over his head you feel soft shaggy locks brush your fingers. Oh maker, his hair is so soft you think to yourself. You step back then to give him space, keeping your eyes shut. “You can open your eyes again.” He speaks. You open your eyes back up and see him still sitting where he was, helmet back on but not shirtless. You knew he had to be built but seeing him before you, you were in awe. He was strong looking and toned. His skin tanned and so soft looking minus a few scars scattering his body. You feel your cheeks getting flushed again at the sight of him before you quickly look down. “Do you need help removing your boots and pants as well?” You ask. “I’ll need help to get my boots off, it hurts to bend over.” He replies. You nod, crouching down working at undoing the leather pieces and armor on his legs before pulling his boots off. You look up at him waiting for his next move. You swear as he pulls his pants down and pushes them off with his feet he is making eye contact with you until you look away. He stands up, now in nothing but his underwear, grasping the sink for support. “Can you help me get to the shower?” He asks “Um sure… but…” You start to say. “I know. I… I’ll get there.” You nod in response and let him use your shoulder again for support as you trudge him over to the shower, opening the door and letting him step in. “Umm… If I am to help you shower I’ll need to get in there with you. But I don’t want to get all my clothes wet.” He looks at you not saying at word, waiting for you to either do as you said or continue your sentence. “B-but, I’m only going to remove my top and bottoms. Not my undergarments.” You chuckle nervously, waving your hands frantically. “Okay.” He says as you start to do so and then step in behind him shutting the door. He’s quiet, back towards you as he sighs deeply before working to pull down his underwear, tossing them to the corner. They’ll get soaked there but you don’t think he cares right now. You try to advert your eyes but can’t help to glance down and stare at his perfectly firm and round ass. Thank the maker his back is to you right now cause you know you are burning hot red right now. “I’ll turn on the water now okay. I know your helmet is okay to get wet but… don’t you need to wash your face?” You ask. “Yes. We’ll do that last. I have it figure out.” He says Once you have confirmation your turn the handle to the shower and water starts pouring down. It’s cold at first which makes you both jump but it quickly warms up. His back is still turned to you and he has his forearms propped up against the wall, bracing himself as best as he can. “I’m going to wash your back now okay?” You say as you lather the loofa up with soap. He steps away from the wall a bit and balances himself. You step up closer to him and place one hand on his left shoulder blade as you lather his back up with soap. He’s so warm feeling and man you can feel just how toned he is from this minor touch. You lather up his back from his shoulder blades to his lower back, stopping right at his butt. “Umm..” “Hm? What’s wrong?” He asks.“I need to wash…” You start to say. “You don’t need to say everything you are going to wash before you do it. Just do it. I understand. I am the one who asked you to help me do this after all.” He replies. “Right.” You say as you gulp and start to work the loofa down to his butt, crouching then to scrub the back of his legs as well. Maker, never would you think you’d be in this position but here you are… Mando’s perfect looking ass right in your face. Just when you think you get the red flush from your face to leave it comes right back. Once finished there you work your way back up to his shoulder blades, he towers over you so you have to stand on your tippy toes. You try not to bump into him but to get a good reach you have to lean into him slightly. You feel him tense up a bit as you press your chest to the middle of his back. “S-sorry.” You say, worry in your voice. “It’s okay. I’m not bothered.” He says. You tilt the shower head a bit to rinse off the soap lather from his back. “Okay. Your backside is done. Can you turn around so I can do your front?” You ask. Without a word he slowly turns himself around and places a hand on your shoulder to brace himself. You resoap up the loofa and start scrubbing at his chest, as you do so you go over each scar that scatter about. He has a good bit, most are small compared to the one he got today but still it makes you ache in your heart that he has so many. You finish scrubbing his chest and work on doing his arms, avoiding his lower front. You know you have to help him clean there but maker the thought it gets you all sort of flustered feeling. “D-do you want to wash… or?” “Um. C-can you? That is… if you’re comfortable. Sorry. I don’t want to move anymore than I need to. Pain…” He says stuttering over his words. “O-okay.” You say before looking down and seeing that he’s hard. O-oh. When did… Why is he… Thoughts start racing through your mind as your cheeks turn red again for the millionth time this evening. You slowly move you hand to start gently scrubbing but not long after you feel his arm wrap around your waist and pull you close into his chest. He’s hunched over a bit and breathing heavily into your neck. “M-mando…?” You ask. “S-sorry… I… Sorry.” He breathes, letting go of you. “I um… maybe let’s wash my face right now instead. I’m going to flip the light off.” He nods his head to the light pull above his head. “When I give you the go ahead, pull my helmet off for me?” “Um… okay.” You reply. He turns the light off and gives you the go ahead, groaning as he crouches down to sit on his knees so you can reach his face better. You grab the bottom of his and slowly pull it off before placing it down in the corner. Washing his hair and face in the dark is going to be hard. You don’t want to get soap in his mouth or eyes or accidentally poke your finger into his eyes. You grab the shampoo and squirt a drop into your hand before running it through his hair. Like you noticed before it’s soft and shaggy. You wonder what color it is. After you lather his hair up good with shampoo, you let it sit for a bit and gently wash his face with soap carefully but also take the time to notice his features. You can feel how he has a strong jaw and some scruff. You weren’t expecting him to have facial hair at all so it took you by surprise at first. Once he is all soaped up you grab the shower head from it’s hook and bring it down to rinse him off. You help him stand back up and go to grab his helmet back for him before he grabs you arm, pulling you back into him. “Huh? Mando… why did you grab me? I was trying to retrieve your helmet for you.” You say He has his head resting in the crook of your neck, breathing heavily again and his arm wrapped around your waist. You feel him hard against your backside and you gulp. “M-mando…?” You ask again. He stays silent for a few seconds, still holding you close before letting you go finally and taking a small step back. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… to do that…” He says, breathing still a bit heavy. “It’s okay but…” You reach down and grab his helmet, turning to face him then and place it in his hands. “Why?” You ask then. He takes the helmet from your hands and places hit back on his head, pulling the light back on. “Um.. “ He starts to say as  he stands before you, leaning back against the wall, holding his wound from today. You turn the water off and stand before him, waiting for him to answer. “I’m sorry… I guess even through my pain. I got lost in the moment…let my feelings get the best of me” He says. “Feelings get the best of you?” You question. He nods. “Yes. Um… I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I’ve become quite fond of you…” “F-fond of me?” You blink. “Mhm. I-I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable so I tried to hide it but…” He sighs. “Maybe this helping me shower wasn't a smart idea…” He looks down. You lift his helmeted head back up. “No no… it's okay! Um… I've actually grown quite fond of you too…” You smile up at him. “R-really?” He asks. You nod and continue to smile. “I-I'd like to be more intimate with you. As you saw... but.” He sighs and winces a bit. “Maybe now is not the best time… um that is if you also want to be…” You place a hand on his chest and look into his eyes, or at least where you think they are with the helmet in. “I'd like that too. But yes, now is not the best time. You need to rest and let your wound heal for now.” You say as you plant a small kiss on his helmets side. He stiffens up a bit at the response, not expecting that. Which stirs a giggle from you in response. “Let me step out and get you a towel to dry off. I'll get you fresh clothes then and help you to your bunker. ” He nods and waits as you step out to grab a towel off the wall, returning back to help him step out to stand in front of the door before you work at drying him off, wrapping the towel around his waist then. “Come on. Let's get you to the bunker.” You say as you hook your arm into his helping him trudge himself across the hill to the tiny space he calls his bunker. Not much of a sleeping space but he makes do with it. Once you get him to the bed you have him sit so he's not straining himself anymore than need be as you retrieve him a fresh pair of pants and tunic. You help him step into the pants but he denies the tunic .“I'll be okay without but, thank you.” He says. You nod and set it back in its drawer. “I’ll let you rest now okay? You need it.” “Wait…” He starts. “Hm?” You look at him “I know the bunker bed isn't very big but… stay with me? Tonight?” He says grabbing your hand in his. “Y-you want me to stay and sleep with you tonight?” You question. He nods, lightly tugging you closer to him, making you step closer to stand between his knees.“Please?” He asks, rubbing a thumb on your skin. “Of course.” You say. “Let me go change quick and I'll be back.” He nods, letting you go to change while he lays back and get situated in. You return and work your way into the small space without accidentally hurting him and settle yourself in next to him. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest, before pushing the button to the door and light with his free hand. You sigh against his skin, he's so warm and comfortable. Maker, you've wanted to be like this with him for so long and now it's finally happening. As you are running through your happy thoughts you feel a pair of lips press a kiss against you forehead. He took his helmet off again? You smile, surprised he has removed it so much in front of you within such a small time frame. You may not see his face but still the gesture and thought warms you inside. “Once I am fully healed and not in pain I’d love to redo tonight with you.” He states, kissing your nose now. “Again, if you'd like.” You reach your hands up to cup his face. “Yes, of course I would.” You smile before kissing him on the lips. He smiles back, pressing a kiss back to your lips. “Then it’s settled.” 

[informedinterest]

Mcsm| Toxic leaders, friendships, coworkers & peers

(The  ol         Or          der)

  1. Soren          Is shown to be a reasonable leader that cares about his crew a reasonable amount, helped by the fact that he shown to be about excessive age, unlike Jesse who’s age is ambiguous possibly committing tox to Soren from what could be a adventuring - young adult age to excess - see below,                                                                                              for how tha                                                                                          t affects the story,)

How      eve        r is hampered by a       unfortunate history of tox              That        left            it’s           mar              k            o             n            h            i           m,

- Jesse

  Soren does not remove Jesse from his property despite it causing seemingly distress to him

 - if Jesse acts kind (or if hearing anyone (particularly the order) responds kindly to him), Soren will react with disbelief, If tox, he will excuse it beyond any healthy measures ‘ha a joke…as what friends do,’

    Whe          n n           o jok            e             s             are                n’t               pain              f              u               l              ,

Then there’s this line,

     “I’ve found when you give people what they want they turn on you, they become resentful,” - Soren

    And              Scene,

Soren cower         ing      from         his     team         mates

Eligard & Magnus          Fake smiles          impl           ing there is something that’s         actually wrong  and we quickly find out           why

  (I’ll go over the particulars about why        Soren might not be excited to see         Eligard & Magnus on site in their sections        )

  Point being,

   It doesn’t take long before it goes       tox      at the      cave,

- Eligard (or whoever is left of the Eligard or/ Magnus pai        ring)  takes         a pot shot at          Soren                        ,          Gabriel, “is he always           like this, “

     Eligard/Magnus; you have            no idea,

    (When Soren goes out for a          break due to distress          & after          the death        of a      friend,)        ,

- Ivor immediately tries to take the reins        after makin         g the    main       problem        (And his main          fail         safe       back        fired)

   You can clearly see things going        tox       quic      k      ly

  (Then there’s the in famous Ivor scapegoat scene      showing that even back then       he was         tox,            )

   And the rest is just Ivor       bein        tox,

                                                                                 (Until Soren event gets away                                                                                                         good for him)

- Eligard

   - Largely           non-tox                    but is a victim and                an ena            bler of Magnus

        - Small pre- men             tion                ed bit of tox

 - Magnus

    - abs.            ball of                 tox

     - causes             argu            ments

     - never        contributes          any         thing positive to the            group

       - Small              bit                of                tox                 a                  s mentioned above

        - Explicit                abuse                   o                   f              Eligard,                  Implied               abuse                    of                 Soren

     - Gabriel-

      - Little              is known              abou                t               hi                 m,              That he seems pretty unaware of the toxic            dynamic,

       Apart from          Magnus‘s tendency to           insti           gate             And Eligard’s          ten          dency           to          ar           gue,

     - Ivor

      - with Magnus at least you could argue he could’ve originally intend to fill some role if you squint,      with some routes      But with Ivor you can’t               He was tox from the beginning,           Continued       to be tox,           Not a redeemable             quality                in             sight                  ,

                                                                      Overall the group is a                                                                         gosh darn mess

       New             Order               ~

- Jesse - Despite being a leader, Jesse seems resentful of his leadership and constantly makes up things - ideas on the spot that no leader would leave to the last minute and would’ve already planned in advance/have a general idea  of, showing how the game mechanic damages a actual good story

    - His first mission is a find the person mission, not unheard of for a supportive subordinate character. However as a leader, it can come off as unnecessarily authority assuming, if not handled correctly, which unfortunately it wasn’t 1) By having this occur after a ‘break up’ in which several members isolated, placing this around excessive age 2) most of the members are reluctant to get together

Resulting in Jesse coming up as nagging or irritatingly intrusive.

              As a leader,

              There are two main goals,

               (To be 

                considered 

                 a 

                good 

                 one)

                  1. Attention to 

                      th

                       e 

                       mis

                       s

                        ion,

                       - With the psychological benefits teammates receiving prop stimuli

                      Jesse constantly waffles, 

                resulting in reasonably irritated 

             re

          sponses

            fro

            m 

            hi

             s 

        team

        mates

                    2. Tending to your Team                        mates,                          Self-explanatory                                  

                                   Jesse                                               doesn’t                                            seem                                                to                                                   care                                            about his                                            team                                              mate                                               s                                             Until it reaches                                  the mandatory                                   spots, or (is believed) to go past critical (see Lukas “crying”                                                   and they                              refuse to move                                      until                                    he                             does,

                  The correct                        pro                         to                       co                        l,

                 Bein                          g                           constant               availability,                            to                        thei                         r                      lei                            sur                            e

                Care kept satisfactory                      and short                   without dragging the mission to a              stand                still

                     Despite, Jessie’s showing only the barest minimum of retention wit h  hi      s pe        t       pig, 

  How about he still has plenty of time micromanaging 

the          one          thing        you        don’t        want            to          do,

     An argument can’t break out without Jesse               interject

     Showing that he has no trust in his        team        mates to be able to resolve their own       conflict

   Then again it comes from the person who is the worst role model/sets the worst example

   Gettin            into a squibble             Wi         th           hi    s           subordinates/           (temporary)                co-leader               Lukas

        Fi                             gh                t                 in                g           over a           de             tect                 ion uni                t,

         Note               ,                        Well confrontations over a stolen role might get             phys             that             I am              not             den              y                 in                 g,

      (The above mentioned things leads it to                    (lean                      in                 Luk                 as‘                  s                favor

           Tha                      t Jesse is the one that stole the role   

              (Not helpful for the fact that Lukus acts like a                  spited leader                 Al                  l through                       out,                And has characterized              the he doesn’t stand up for himself

       (Even if wrong, Jesse is still reprimands a           sub      ordinate,                        ) - Lukas

     Likely the victim of Axle’s           Tox,

      Lukas falls into most of the pitfalls that           Soren does, not standing up for himself         and possibly leaving (even for a short time) when the tox gets too much - Olivia

     Pretty           non tox            Some implied self-esteem issues with her place in the group constantly asking questions to validify it             ,

- Axel

   - Openly scares his friends               and takes pleasure                 from distress

           - Humor doesn’t come from                      sad/                    Despair                     it comes from                            happi                 ness,

      - Almost literally cannot go five seconds without starting an argument or being tox            (Specifically towards             Lukas)                  ,

       Following the unfortunate theme of          green being tox     despite it being grow             t              h,

- Petra

    (Season 1)

     Tox

 - Expecting them to find her          despite not vibin’                              the loc                                  at                                    ion,

     demeaning

  - Threats of         violence

    “Not getting punched in the face              for saying that             right now,”                   - Petra

       Coercion

      General authority assumption

      Separation Jesse         from his friends,        friends          separating/or         hanging out with          other friends            on their own will is non-tox

      Authority assumption- entitlement to excess

       Promises             an          lies           are                  pret              ty         useless

    (Season 2)

- Petra

     - Tox

        - General Tox

            - demeaning

            - Guilt tripping

               - Friend ship

               - Adventures

               - Lack o.                   Adventures                - End goal - Jesse helps her find the llama and threaten/coerce Stella, who she also has a toxic manipulator/manipulated relation ship with (through likely      intimidation         as Petra knows that Stella          has a             thing           w/th         Jesse        and         two          on          one          num           er            ical,             ,

        After               all

                  - when it’s                   discovered that Petra is                         retiring to champion city

    - gas light               ed,             (-claiming things to happen that didn’t really happen,)

     - Petra’s guilt trip of the treehouse;

       “ we used to hang out in the treehouse                all the time,” - Petra

        Show it            or it didn’t happen

           - to our knowledge                    never happened,

              - Emotional                      Abuse/

                       - “Friends,”

  - Jack

       - Bit non-tox except for some                 snips               at Nurm

       - The general having to          ‘one Up’             everyone,

 - Nurm

  (Od.       d      take ��       on   senti    e    nce

nar     rat ive  

tox,

        Pretty clear except for                 (apparent)             put down on Jack’s naming                convention

- Romeo,  

   Pretty similar to            Petra,

General Tox

   General       Authority      Assumption

- Emotional            Abuse

     - Guilt tripping

- Logical      abuse

     - Gaslighting

- Physical       abuse

   - Acts of         violence

        - Destruction                of un          Account             able           pro.        per            ty,         (Dif      ferent         from      ac      countable)           ,

    All of above;

     demeaning

      coercion

   - Threats of           violence

    - Apparent            murde             r

    - Abuse              of           sub            ordin           ates      Should not be        redeemed

    Xara

      - Straight up kills            a person

          Radar-

          Refusal to             read              the             vibes                 aka               Several misdemeanors               worth of tox           for general obsessive behavior unbefitting, unhealthy              and unnatural                       of a                   sentient,

[2018shawn]

Baby M

Request: Can you write about y/n waking Shawn up in the middle of the night because she’s uncomfortable due to being 8 months pregnant?

A/N: hi, I hope u all enjoy, dad!Shawn makes me feel week ahahah quite short so I'm sorry if it’s crappy!!! like/reblog/message me if you enjoyed any feedback is really appreciated 🥰

Ice cream. All you wanted was ice cream. But thanks to the continuous growing bun in your oven (or baby bump, to put it normally), you’d consumed every last little spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s and Häagen-Dazs left in your house. You were glad you checked the important matter of ice cream quantity before you’d headed to bed, otherwise you’d be attempting to waddle down to the kitchen any minute now, which would be an absolute waste and a torturous challenge in itself to get back up the stairs.

You picked up your phone, the screen automatically illuminating the room and almost blinding you as you checked the time. 2:54am. 14 minutes after you’d last checked. Sighing, you pushed yourself up in bed, letting your back fall against the plush velvet headboard. You stared down at your blossoming bump, a smile creeping on your lips as you notice and begin to feel the tiny movements happening inside of you. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” You sarcastically giggled, your hands stroking over the bare skin of your stomach, receiving a solid kick in return to your sarcasm. This baby already had the reactions of Shawn, who would instantly scowl at you for your sarcastic attitude in any given situation.

The pains hurt, but it had grown to become bearable. You were once told that pregnancy would be one of the happiest, greatest moments of your life – you however, thought that waking over a carpet of nails would be even greater. 8 months had passed – the first, approximately, three months being bearable, the rest were just a downward spiral from there. With constant visits to the emergency department, because Shawn wanted it for his own piece of mind just as much as you, and countless phone calls to your midwife, it left Shawn feeling absolutely useless over this period of time; even going as far as to say, ‘I wish we were seahorses, because then I’d be able to do it, and you could carry on living your best life’.

What else hurt at this moment in time, was how peacefully asleep Shawn was next to you. His wild hair a was contrast to the pleated white pillows, his light snores filling the sound of the room along with your groans and moans. More than anything, you wanted to wake him, share your pain and restlessness and you also know that Shawn would want that too. ‘Your pain is my pain’ he’d often told you, and you solemnly swore you’d always come to him with anything.

Deciding he’d had too much of a busy day to be woken at what was now 3:01am, you shuffled uncomfortably on your bum until your legs were hung over the edge of the bed, your body now upright and head floppy. “Baby M, you’ve tired me out before you’re even here”, you had to laugh again, hand still caressing your bulging bump. Baby M had become an ongoing nickname between you and Shawn, when you decided you weren’t going to find out the sex of the baby, you settled for Baby M, short for Mendes, and it stuck ever since.

You felt Shawn shift behind you, and your movements came to an immediate halt, determined not to wake him. Breathing a sigh of relief when you heard his faint snores again, you managed to stand yourself up from the bed, your ankle instantly feeling like a balloon that’s been blown up with too much air.

“Y/N?” Shawn’s voice was groggy, and you rolled your eyes at thinking you’d get away without waking him. No matter how many times you got up for a pee during the night, he’d always be awake with you. He did what he would normally do and click the bedside lamp on, knowing how clumsy you are, even before you were pregnant you’d usually send yourself flying over a slipper you’d left in the middle of the floor or the jumper you’d ripped off yourself because you over heated in bed.

“Sorry bub, I’m just going for a pee. My bladder is a trampoline, apparently” You declared, not exactly lying. You’d only been just over an hour ago, long gone were the days of you sleeping the whole night through without waking up once.

“Okay, well hurry, wnt-a-duddle” He mumbled, barely audible as he sunk his head back into the plush pillow. Luckily, you’d mastered Shawn’s sleepy lingo and just about made out “I want a cuddle”.

You did your business, with a struggle of course, before returning back to your sleepy boyfriend who was laid across the majority of the bed with open arms as a welcoming for your return. “I swear I’ve grown since I woke up like, an hour ago. I actually just had to use all my energy to push myself off the toilet” You groaned, switching the en-suite bathroom light off behind you. Shawn chuckled at your theory, throwing the covers back to leave an empty space on the bed for you to return to. “I’m seriously gonna squish you to death if I come over there and lay on you,” you raised your eyebrows, arms tucked over each other in front of your chest as you looked down at the bed.

“What a good way to go” he smiled, reaching over and tugging one of your arms from their stern position. Reluctantly and slowly, you crawled over the bed, resting as close to him as you could. Your head lowered down to rest on his chest, his arm wrapped firmly around you with his fingers drawing patterns on the bare skin of your shoulder.

A sudden shooting pain through your stomach caused you to flinch, groaning automatically for when felt like the 1035th time. “Remind me why I let you trick me into sleeping with you that night after the Grammy’s?” Shawn became immediately concerned at your uncomfort, attacking you with a million and one questions about the type of pains you were having and how long they’d been happening, because he’d been reading up about things like this as the due date got inevitably closer. It took a good 10 minutes for him to finally settle back down, with you reassuring him it was just because you fell asleep in a funny position and now baby was apparently awake, meaning he or she was attending a gymnastics lesson in your womb.

“And because I looked incredibly sexy and you kept telling me all night you couldn’t wait to get me home… hardly think it was a trick darling.” He smiled, answering your previous question before kissing your temple as his other hand came up to your bump, rubbing gently across the surface. “Is there anything I can do?” He began wriggling, doing some sort of weird manoeuvre to shuffle down the bed so his head became level with your stomach. You rearranged your positioning, so he was in between your legs, and not for the reason you’d normally think, arms propped up over your thighs. “Baby M, you need to stop bugging your mama” He tapped your belly delicately with his pointer finger, as if he was knocking on the door to your womb.

“Yeah, sure, that’s gonna work” You rolled your eyes, still however grateful for the gesture. “And in terms of anything you can do… can you produce ice cream from that incredible talented body of yours?”

He laughed, shaking his head and you stuck your bottom lip out. “I know it’s been a long…” looking at his watch for the reference of time, “8 hours since you last ate any, but I’d also like our baby to live of something other than dairy when he arrives.”

“Well, Einstein, when she arrives, she’s gonna be living off milk so that statement doesn’t really stand” You looked down at him as he peppered kisses across your stomach, fingers stroking the skin of your hips.

He rolled his eyes as he crawled up from his position, backing up until his legs fell off the foot of the bed and he could stand up straight. You watched as he slumped off to the bathroom, taking a little longer than what he normally would if he was going for a pee. He shortly returned, heading for the wardrobe where he pulled out a pair of sweats and his baggiest jumper. “What the hell are you doing?” You questioned, eyes furrowing at your apparently very awake boyfriend. Instead of an instant reply, he sauntered back over to your, leaning down and pressing a loving kiss to your lips, the taste of fresh toothpaste making your tongue tingle.

“Going to get you ice cream.”

[veryfineday]

Thursday 24 January 1833

6 3/4

12 3/4

L  U  U  U

made my fire – hard frost – fine morning – Fahrenheit 45º in my room (good fire) at 8 5/.. and 24º at 8 1/4 a.m. just put outside my window – breakfast at 8 20/.. (not ready before) – with my father and some little time talKing to marian 

came to my room at 9 3/4 – Let[ter] 3 pp.[pages] and ends (comfortable) from M- [Mariana] (Lawton) – her going to Leamington delayed till the middle of next weeK with mr. L- [Lawton]  Thomas has got his clothes – has advanced him £4 – 10/.[shillings] a weeK board wages enough – wh[a]t the L-s [Lawtons] allow their servants – their Keeper will pay Thomas his, if I liKe – to direct to him at Lawton to the care of the gardener – nothing yet settled about Watson’s leaving M- [Mariana] the rector wants to give a weeKly lecture in the Sunday school – asKs my opinion – concludes with ‘your letters do me a vast of good, they comfort me in all ways, but in one particularly which I will talK about in my next – now I have no time for more than that I am always yours mariana’ – this is as it should be   the comfort is of course on the friendship subject  and it ought to be a comfort to her to have such as mine is capable of being and I hope will be –

out (after seeing my aunt) at 11 5/.. down the walK to the old brooK-course – the filling up nearly done – some time talKing to Jonathan mallinson – 22 years since the last payment was made for the upper brea water – then by the Pinnel to Southolm – the new mistal very convenient and will Keep the barn up, bring a good high prop – Hemingway not at home – thence up the wood to mr. Freeman’s (Brier Lodge) – wanted to see mr. F- [Freeman] about my intended new road along Jno.John Bottomley’s brow – waited about an hour – at last he came – will mention the thing on Saturday to some of the townsmen on Saturday come to Shibden and let me Know the result on Monday or Tuesday about 3 p.m. – said it ought to be 20 feet wide – I thought then that it would cost near £500 to complete it –

at F-s [Freeeman’s] from 1 10/.. to 2 20/.., then bacK by Southowram wood and across to Sowden’s, seeing some peeled oaK wood standing close above fit for railing – Inquired of mrs. Sowden – found it was yet to sell – sat 10 minutes with her – they have turned the stairs, and made the house much more comfortable than across into the Brighouse road and to yew trees and direct to Lidgate at 3 10/.. just as they (miss w- [Walker] and miss Rawson) had sat down to dinner –

sat there chiefly tête à tête with miss w- [Walker] (and a short while ditto with miss R- [Rawson] upstairs in her room) till 6 10/.. – miss w- [Walker] much as usual – wished me to stay all night, but I really could not – why should I sacrifice time and sleep oftener than I can well help  she seems getting worse  and will soon  I fear be quite beside herself  she fears evil spirits at night and dare not sleep poor soul her mental misery must be great  feeling as she says  it is all over  she has no hope of being saved –

home at 6 40/.. – dinner at 7 – Dodgson came before 8 and staid till 9 – read him his lease which he would have signed then but said he had better come again when we have someone from mr. ParKer’s as witness – he mentioned the straw he had bought of Kearton – the rats were eating it, and he could not consume it now – said I had confidence in him that he would farm well, and therefore he might fo as he liKed about the straw – sell it off or not – mentioned having let ParK farm to Greenwood and that he would cover it all with manure, and I had therefore given him leave to agree with PicKersgill for the hay stacK and let it be sold off or not – he thinKs my intended road will not be of much use to Southowram and is evidently against my maKing it – thought it would be better for my land to wind under Bairstow, and open into ParKfarm wellfield –

went into the little room at 9 and sat talKing (or latterly asleep) till 10 – came to my room at 10 5/.. – wrote 1 1/3 page to Captain Sutherland – dated this evening – ‘Dear sir – I am sorry to say I do not thinK miss Walker’s health improving; and the sooner she has first rate medical advice the better- nothing could be more Kind a judicious than mrs. Sutherland’s letter which arrived on Monday; and I am only anxious for you to hasten this journey as much as possible – I see as much of miss walKer as my own engagements will permit; and I am sure you will believe that my anxiety about her is very great – she told me this morning, she could not go on long as she does at present, and seems herself aware that time ought not to be lost – I had fixed to take her to YorK as today, but gave it up in consequence of mrs. Sutherland’s letter – It is desirable to get off from here – no friend could be more Kindly attentive and judicious than miss Rawson who has promised to stay till your arrival; but she is hardly old enough to be left without the assistance of some more experienced person; and I lament that it is not in my power to be constantly with them – I trust mrs. Sutherland will be as little uneasy as possible as I have really great hope that care and sKilful medical treatment will by and by do all that is required – I am anxious, and shall be very glad, to see you, and, with my Kind regards to mrs. Sutherland, believe me, dear sir, very truly yours A Lister’ –

then wrote 1 1/4 page to Dr. B-[Belcombe] dated tomorrow to beg he would desire the druggist to send no more medicine and pay the bill and let me Know the amount that it might be included in the money I should have to remit him – ‘Soon after writing to you last my own ideas on the subject became clearer; and, in the course of a few days, I hope to have resigned my charge into the hands of those whose nearness of connection makes them fittest to take it – But do not notice this – and in the mean time for friendship’s saKe to me, tell me what you thinK I might safely give as a composing draught – she dreads the hours from 12 to 3 at night, and I would gladly give something, if I Knew what, to procure sleep, and Tranquillize the mind’ – my own plans still unfixed as ever – may not be able to get off for some weeKs ..... ‘Ever my dear Steph very truly yours A Lister’ – writing till 12 5/.. – very fine frosty day –

[woollyslisterblog]

1834 May Saturday 18th

6 40/60

12 40/60

fine b[u]t dullish – F59 at 7 50/60 – br[eak]f[a]st in 20 min[utes] and out at 8 25/60 – r[ai]n s[e]nt me in in 1/2 h[ou]r – read[in]g a lit[tle] of Walpole’s Let[ter]s – asleep-

h[a]d Washingt[o]n bet[ween] 10 and 11 – no competit[io]n and the prop[erty] for N[orth]g[a]te on[l]y 3 or 4 bidders- the high[e]st £6350 – of course no sale – laugh[in]g and s[ai]d I was ver[y] well satisf[ie]d – he ga[ve] me the sale plan of Staups- told h[i]m I meant all the work here to be done by piece – I sh[oul]d be away next Sat[urday] – he w[a]s to co[me] and see wh[a]t h[a]d been done – p[ai]d h[i]m two 10 p[ou]nd b[a]nk of Eng[lan]ds and £20 Brigg’s notes theat[re] div[iden]d for the £40.6. of E[lizabeth’s] for Miss W-[Walker]

and then h[a]d Lowe’s boy w[i]th the clothes – n[o]t a ver[y] good fit - the gr[ea]t coat a gent[leman]’s coat w[i]th silk buttons! – Lowe to co[me] hims[elf] on Mon[day] morn[in]g – the boy to say I w[a]s disap[pointe]d in the fit, and to ta[ke] the gr[ea]t coat b[a]ck for liv[er]y butt[o]ns –

then with Ch[arle]s H[owar]th meas[urin]g to see if the mullion of the low[e]r wat[e]r clos[e]t wind[ow] w[oul]d be even w[i]th the mid[dle] of the pass[age] – then ca[me] cart fr[om] Huddersf[iel]d bring[in]g Miss W-[Walker]’s chair bed and bedd[in]g fr[om] Mr Atkinson’s for Matt[hew] to sleep on in my fath[e]r’s r[oo]m – then dawdl[in]g till 1 1/4 hav[in]g been a min[ute] or 2 w[i]th my a[un]t – poor[l]y this morn[in]g- settl[in]g w[i]th Jos[e]ph and tell[in]g h[i]m how to keep his acc[oun]ts –

fr[om] 1 1/2 in ab[ou]t an h[ou]r wr[ote] 3 pp to Miss W-[Walker] in ans[wer] to h[e]r let[ter] 3 pp and all cross[e]d rec[eive]d this morn[in]g will try to be w[i]th h[e]r 10 min[ute]s bef[ore] 12 on Tues[day] – It will be a gr[ea]t th[in]g if I leave h[e]r behind – will stay as long as I can, and bring her b[a]ck ab[ou]t the 29th tho[ugh] will keep the lodg[in]g till the 2nd June - will see Rokeby and Raby and be in York ag[ai]n ab[ou]t the 27th or 28th and 1 day enough for pack[in]g – I can go ov[e]r p[e]r mail for the yellow carr[ia]ge and Mrs Myers can ta[ke] ca[re] of the baggage intend[e]d to co[me] by it – H[a]d bet[ter] keep Sm[i]th to rec[eive] us on our ret[ur]n fr[om] Rokeby etc to ha[ve] a boil[in]g kettle etc – bet[ter] to ha[ve] so[me]bo[dy] than nobod[y] – as if we do n[o]t arr[ive] bef[ore] 10 the fam[il]y may be in bed – If I leave her (Miss W-[Walker]) she shall cert[ainl]y ha[ve] Eugenie – h[a]d catechis[e]d Sarah pret[ty] close[l]y – sh[oul]d ha[ve] been satisf[ie]d if she h[a]d been at Hew[ar]th Grange - b[u]t n[o]t worth whi[le] to shut up Lidg[a]te for so sh[or]t a ti[me] – th[ou]ght Miss W-[Walker] h[a]d been long en[ou]gh there –

dawdl[in]g over of 1 th[in]g or oth[e]r till 5 – then out w[i]th Pickells etc – settl[e]d w[i]th h[i]m and Ch[arle]s H[owarth] – din[ner] at 6 1/2 – r[ea]d a lit[tle] of so[me] of L[or]d Bacon’s Ess[ays]s -fr[om] 8 35/60 to 9 35/60 in the hut-walk – 1/4 h[ou]r w[i]th my a[un]t – poorly – ca[me] to my study at 10 10/60 – read[in]g sev[era]l pap[e]rs in the World vol[ume] 1 Brit[ish] Essayists – s[e]nt off at 8 my let[ter] to ‘Miss Walk[e]r Hew[ar]th Grange York’ – wr[ote] the last 12 lines till 11 25/60 R[ai]n soon aft[e]r 8 a.m. w[hi]ch contin[ue]d mo[re] or less (fine grow[in]g day) till n[ea]r 5 p.m. – aft[er]w[ar]ds fair and fine moonlight ev[enin]g –

[allthingstaekook]

Duuude… that vid OMFG! Kudos that you made it to the first 20 minutes. I literally had to pause and got f*ing teary eyed at 7.21 when JK bumped his hand to Tae’s acknowledging Tae’s silent ILY. Jesus, these poor boys. Talk about love that dare not speak its name :’( Btw, I’m so new to this fandom. Not even sure if I’m worthy of the ARMY name yet. But I’ve been in many other fandoms where fans bend reality, time and space continuum to suit their OTPs, LOL ;P (1/5)

(2/5) But THIS, Tae & JK, are the total opposite. I feel those who claimed that there’s nothing between them are the ones who for the sake of their own OTP agenda choose to be willfully blind, willfully ignoring Taekook’s facts. Speaking of which, I can’t believe how nasty some fans of the other ship can be. Like I said, I’m a newbie so I’m still at the stage of browsing around trying to find fun BTS blogs to follow. The other day I stumbled upon a pro JK/other member (not Tae, obvi) blog. (3/5) I always go by ship and let it be shipped, so it was sickening to see a blog getting so aggressive and defensive of their bias and putting down Tae to prop their own ship up. Especially when Tae himself is such a classy human being who preached about loving all 7 of them. LOL, dude is like Bangtan’s Aquaman, Uniting the 7 Seas. Go AquaTae :D But yeah, I got so, SO much feels for Tae & JK. Especially considering JK’s personality. (4/5) JK’s not emotionally constipated by all means. But he’s also not an extroverted PDA ball of fluff either. I think it speaks A LOT of his relationship with Tae for him to show that level of physical comfort and affection, and sometimes even actually vocalized certain things irt it i.e. the Bo Gum thing, the “just friend?” (when Tae introduced him as one) “just look at me” (about Tae’s acrophobia) etc. Also reaction from other members, RM’s “TH, you can kiss him now”, is F’king CLASSIC!!(5/5) Ooh, and Jimin’s “Kim Taehyung?” (irt to JK’s cause of happiness) I don’t have YTube account and frankly YTube’s comment section gives me hives. But I second the sentiment of hopefully author of that vid will continue with 2nd part, and that they deserves showers of love from Taekook-ers. In conclusion, sorry for this long ass ask. Love your blog, was one of the first few BTS blogs that I follow. xxx

OKAY THIS WAS SO NICE TO READ THANK U FOR TAKING TIME TO RESPOND AND SORRY IT TOOK ME 10 YEARS TO REPLY ZMHZKS

ok so 1) AGREED the ily hand sign is literally what made me come and post about the analysis on tumblr because WHAT WHAT WHAT I was shaken to the CORE but it was so beautiful and I was just :((((( I love them sm that video had so many moments where I was like :o bih did they just-

 2) If u like bts' music and support the boys you're definitely worthy of being called an army it doesn't really matter when you got into them as long as u support them you're a part of the fam plus from what I've read in your asks you know A lot about bts already so u can def call yourself an army sis🤩🤙

3)Again heavily agree with them being polar opposites but I think that's why they work??like despite their personalities being opposite they kinda balance each other out and they're the youngest members so I feel like they kinda bond over that fact too lmaooo. their friendship makes me low-key emo cause I want what they have :( like tae is an extrovert while kook is an introvert,  tae LOVES interacting with people which we see by his gazillion industry friends but he'll always pick kook over them cause they have kinda like a puppy/owner kinda relationship???IDK IF THATS A WEIRD COMPARISON like tae helped kook come out of his shell and kinda stuck with him till he was comfortable with all the members so I feel like tae feels like he has to love and cherish kook with cuddles and kisses and I feel like kook makes sure that tae is never sad/ hurt and that no harm comes to him whether it be physically or mentally which we see A LOT but um yeah I can say alot about this but I'm gonna stop here cause ,,,

4) I think most shippers are pretty calm ?? but there are always bad apples I guess and u might've been unlucky to stumble across one of the crazies. Like I don't really mind people shipping whoever cause I'm literally an ot7 stan I ship everyone with everyone BUT when a shipper starts to make it personal and starts attacking a member just because of their ship THATS when I get mad. like really mad. but yeah I usually block & report accounts that spread hate against members cause thanks stanky behaviour 😤✌ also YES Aquatae rise I love that analogy 🤩

5) I think people don't give the Namjoon: "taehyung kiss him" moment enough credit like out of everyone he calls out tae when he wasn't even in the SHOT and then jungkook being all fidgety like a little NERD I love him omg :( but yeah Jungkook is a LOT more active when it comes to his relationship with taehyung (except that one year we went through the worst taekook drought that was not a fun time :() but I'm guessing that's mainly because like he said himself Taehyung was the one who helped him come out of his shell and literally STRIP in front of him lmaooo so I guess it makes sense his PDA levels skyrocket with Tae I think they're just at that stage where they're comfortable with their relationship and who they are as individuals so they don't care as much when people go crazy about their moments. Plus Taehyung LITERALLY cannot keep his hands off jungkook it's becoming concerning it's like whenever he sees jungkook his brain literally screams TOUCH HIM. every.time.

anyways to conclude this long ask omg PLS I love getting long asks of people analysing taekook it makes my heart beat uwu💦 and I'm afraid the video ended up being taken down or privated to idk if she'll make another video :( but I agree she deserves all the taekookers love she went IN on that video 😍

anyways thank you for liking my blog it means a LOT to me ily please come back and talk to me more 💜🧡💛💚💙💗💖💕💓❤💞💝

[kissykiwi]

green eyes, red handed (part 2)

wherein y/n finds harry confusing. (college au, 2700 words)

[previous]

Y/N’s head swam as she walked out of class, full of education and politics and society.  They had a paper coming up, three topics possible from the entirety of the work, and she couldn’t figure how she’d be able to pick when she had so much to say about all of it.

“So, what are yeh thinking for the upcoming essay?  Worth fifteen percent, y’know.”

Y/N was startled to be addressed by the low, thick voice of the person she apparently bothered so much, and cut her eyes sideways as Harry bounded up beside her.  How fun, swinging back in the other direction.

“I was thinking of the one centering around justice,” she said warily.  She might wanna kill him half the time, but when they weren’t at each other’s throats he was a pretty good study partner, and Plato was not a joke.  “Figured that I could expand on the definition by taking the classical ambiguity of it.”

“Tha’s not a bad idea.”

“Yeah.  Do me a solid and don’t steal it, will ya?”

Harry laughed as Y/N raised an eyebrow in a perfect arch.  A girl down the hall fumbled her books.  

“Now, now, didn’t say it was good, did I?” he quipped, tone remaining light.  Y/N could see this for what it was, the peace offering that followed every spat and kept them on careful even ground, but she was ready to accept it.  Their relationship had been like this for three years now, and she had learned how to prolong the amiable Harry that came between fights, and how much she preferred him.

“Fine then Plutarch, what’re you doing?”

“The use of fantastical arguments in philosophical debate.”

“Dense,” she said, surprised.  They only had about three thousand words, and he was certainly taking quite the bite.  It was a gentle reminder of how much was hiding in that thick skull of his.

“Behind this pretty face is quite th’ mind, Y/L/N,” Harry sighed dramatically, pushing the door open for them both.

“It’s behind a face anyway.”

“See I could get mad at tha’ comment, but because I’m a kind and gentle soul, I will instead do as Clark asked and pass along the message that everyon’s stoppin’ in Fleming and then settin’ up in Old Quad for lunch.”

Definitely offering the proverbial olive branch then.  Often Harry would skip letting her know when these plans would happen (and Ginny always forgot) and she’d make it halfway back to her apartment before she knew that her friends had snagged a coveted slice of lawn.  In return, Y/N offered him a careful smile and a thanks.  Harry quirked a corner of his mouth back, opened it to say something, but was interrupted before he could.

“Y/N!”

Turning about, she saw black hair, blue eyes, an unassuming smile.  It was Mitchell, from her Human Skeletal Biology course.  He was sweet, so sweet, but nice and naive had never much been her thing and as many times as she’d tried to let him down gently, he just kept coming back.

“Mitchell, hey,” she said, voice kind and decidedly lukewarm, turning back towards Fleming and a now farther ahead Harry as the new addition came to her pace.

“Hey!  I know you said you were busy last Thursday with schoolwork and all, but I thought new week, new schedule, right?”

Y/N bit her lower lip hard, frustration sparking in her gut.  No matter what she tried he wouldn’t take the hint, and she was inching ever closer to the cruelty of brutal honesty.  There were days where she just wanted to say yes, fine, let’s go!  But she knew how uncomfortable she would be saying yes, had been down that road before often enough to tell.  Sometimes people just weren’t compatible, and two conversations with this guy had told her that he didn’t have enough pushback to keep her interested.

“Listen, I-”

“”Oo’s this then?”

Y/N looked up at Harry, caught off guard by his sudden interest and the arm he’d thrown about her shoulder.  Casual physical contact wasn’t out of the question between them (they were in the same friend group after all) but the warm bicep pressing into the back of her neck was certainly more than usual.  She suppressed the urge to lean back into the touch.

“I- This is Mitchel.  We have ANT334 together,” she replied.

“Ah, Mitchell.  I remember hearin’ ‘bout this one.”

“This one?”  She could see Mitchell’s face turning, a sour expression creeping across his features as he repeated what Harry had said.

“Yeah mate, one of ‘er boys. What were yeh sayin’ though?”

Now Mitchell was positively frowning, mostly at Y/N.  “I- nevermind, actually.”  Though it was just the time for food he turned away, booking off down the hall towards the doors they had all just entered through and away from the student commons.  Y/N turned towards Harry, a confused look on her face.

“When did you ever hear me talk about him?”

“Y/L/N, yeh bitch about how he’s not gettin’ the message two t’ three times per hour every time he asks yeh out,”  he said, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but I never thought you actually listened.  Looks like I won’t have to worry about him anymore, anyhow,” she said, thinking with some measure of relief of the displeasure on Mitchell’s face.

“And we won’ have t’ listen t’yeh anymore. Everyone wins!  Now hurry up ‘n get yer food, I wanna get a spot in th’ shade before Todd sprawls out and declares it all as his.”

Instead of getting annoyed, Y/N picked up a sandwich and some juice and paid in an example of decision making in record time.  Harry was right, Todd was an absolute slut for getting out of the sun, and she wasn’t much for the heat that seemed to ramp up as summer folded into early fall.  She and Harry both got irritable in the heat, so shade was probably the best idea.  Harry seemed pleased to have her agreeing, and they walked out to their friends in a warm and unexpected peace.

Old Quad was beautiful.  Lush, bright green grass (and props to the grounds crew for that, because it was pretty well trafficked) boxed in by the big, old founding buildings of their school, all dark stones and gothic arches.  The corners left spaces to get in and out but it felt like a universe inside the universe of the school, filled with cool breezes and big trees and the noises of college students taking a breath between classes.  The ever present crowd of students fanned out across the lawn for the peak noon lunch hour, but the blindingly pale hand of Ginny waving ecstatically from under her favorite oak tree showed that their friends had grabbed prime seating.

“This way,” Y/N mumbled, grabbing Harry’s hand distractedly as people flowed around them.  Their friends liked to call Y/N the gazelle because of her careful feet and how good she was at picking through a crowd- ironic when compared to her inability to walk over flat ground but then there you were.  Harry, on the other hand, had enormous feet, both of which were left.  Last week he’d fallen on a girl and squashed her sandwich, and the starry eyes she’d given him had inflated his ego to truly unbearable proportions.

“Holding hands?  My god, maybe world peace is realistic after all,” Clark laughed as they walked up to the group, Ginny staring with raised brows at their connected hands.  Y/N rolled her eyes and plopped onto the blanket laid across the grass, leaving Harry to take his hand back.

“More like keeping him from taking out half the quad.  I’m fairly sure the lovely young lady from last week is still thinking of ways to incorporate falling into a pickup line.  If he dazzles any more that way, we’ll never have another lunch in peace,” she replied, plastic crinkling as she unwrapped her lunch.  

“Not my fault tha’ these eyes make women fall in love, darlin’,” Harry replied smugly.  Y/N maintained eye contact with him as she took a large bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly.

“Nope, still wanna strangle you.  Who does that work on again?”

Todd sighed happily.  “God, Y/N, we need to bottle whatever keeps you from falling over sideways for this twat and vaccinate the rest of the campus with it.  You know that guy I’ve been trying to get closer to in physics, the cute tall one?  Came up to me and asked for Harry’s number this morning.”

“Well-” Ginny started, but Y/N was faster.

“Oh, not Andre, really?  I liked him, too.”

“I’m gonna ignore tha’,” Harry said breezily.  “Sorry though mate, ’s shit.”

“Yeah,” Todd shrugged.  “I gave it to him though.”

Idly, Y/N wondered what Harry might do.  Clark liked to say that Harry played with his food, never settling for long with one partner and keeping them on their toes if he ever took a brief landing, and she didn’t know if she could stand watching him flirt with the guy Todd had been on about for nearly a month now.  It seemed like the whole blanket agreed, breath held as they waited for Harry to reply.  Y/N could feel Ginny’s eyes on her.

“I’ll put in a good word for yeh then.”

Y/N’s phone buzzed in her pocket, undoubtedly from Ginny based on the elbow sneaking into her side, so she pulled it out to read.

>>babe u just visibly relaxed u have it SO BAD

>i was worried abt todd u absolute psycho

Ginny rolled her eyes, about to reply, when across the way Clark decided to ask “what’s so interesting there ladies?”  Her ginger head snapped up, almost hilariously conspicuous that they were discussing someone sitting on the blanket, and which meant assuredly that Y/N would have to save it.

“Your weak dick game, actually.”

Clark squeaked out a highly offended noise as Ginny dissolved into giggles, halfheartedly trying to convince him that that probably wasn’t what they were talking about, and Y/N was so amused by the overplayed outrage that she only barely noticed the boot nudging at her thigh.  It was Harry of course, poking at her with a delicately extended foot from where he was already draped in a long line on his side.  When she looked over, he beckoned, and since she was feeling generous she scootched over so they could talk.

“There’re free coffees for the next month of Classics with yer name on ‘em,” he said as she leaned down towards him, his breath blowing the ends of her hair like a light breeze.  Y/N gave him a doubtful look.

“That so?  What’s the catch then?”

“Yer notes.  Been readin’ em over your shoulder, ‘n they’re a damn sight more coherent than mine.  Jus’ lemme see ‘em to piece together my essay, that’s all I’m askin’.”  Y/N’s eyebrows stayed up, but she’d never been one to turn down caffeine and Harry didn’t skimp on good coffee.

“Make it coffee for the whole semester and I’ll keep letting you see them, how about that?”

Harry grinned, a certain amount of relief seeping through, and nodded enthusiastically.  From there it was easy to melt into a discussion about outlines, Y/N leaning down towards him to sketch out some tweaks on his main themes, Harry pushing up on an elbow to point at the book in her lap as he suggested the lines he thought would work best.  Neither saw it, but across the quad people were staring- here a sigh over Harry’s smile, there someone missing their mouth as Y/N brushed hair out of her face with a careless grace.

“I don’t mean to break up this weird, academic ménage à trois between you two and Plato, but Duncs just texted to plan next Monday Meal,” Todd called from across the blanket.  

Monday Meal was a longstanding tradition among the friend group, masterminded and orchestrated by the fourth roommate in the cellblock, Duncan.  He was a nutrition sciences major possessed of serious doubts as to his friends ability to care for themselves, and he’d decided about halfway through their first year that if they all died of scurvy he’d feel in some way responsible.  So once a week they all got together to eat (“vegetables, Todd, a human can’t subsist on mashed potatoes alone”) and have a beer after the gauntlet of a Monday.  It was where both Todd and Hil had come out to everyone, where Ginny and Clark were locked into a closet together so they would get together already, where hookups and Potential Serious Things™ got to be brutally scrutinized for a minimum two hours.  It also required everyone to bring something, on a rotational basis after they all realized that Hil would never learn to cook if they didn’t make her bring something besides beer.  It had been cancelled for the week (Duncs was out of town for his mother’s engagement party), but next week was on.

“Y/N and I already have a stuffed cabbage planned, so tell him that,” Ginny said, pushing herself up.  “But right now, we have some grocery shopping to do.  Up you go bubs!”

She grabbed Y/N’s hand, pulling her onto her feet.  Y/N quirked a brow, resisting the urge to sigh.

“I’ll see you all later,” she said flatly, nudging a goodbye to Harry with the toe of her boot.  He tapped her ankle before Ginny had her off.

“We went grocery shopping yesterday,” Y/N sighed as soon as they were out of earshot.  “What’s actually going on?”

“When are you going to accept that you have feelings for Harry?”

Oh, but Y/N didn’t like this.  Ginny was serious, dead serious, in a way that her bubbling smile almost never gave way to.  

“Ginny, I don’t,” Y/N groaned, rubbing at her temples.  Ginny grabbed her shoulders and pushed her into one of the archways.

“Y/N, I love you.  You’re one of my best friends, and we tell each other everything, which is why when I say this please know it’s because you’re important to me.  You like him, you’re in fucking denial about it, and it’s tearing you up.”

“Wh- I’m fine!  I am fine, and I’m not in denial about anything.”

“You fought this morning.  The two of you.”

This stopped Y/N, and she frowned slightly, tilting her head to stare at Ginny.

“How the fuck did you know that?”

“He’s always nicer to you and you’re always more careful talking to him.  Because you think it’s something you do to make him mad and you want to change it.  Because you like him.”

Y/N let her head drop. Sighed.  Rubbed her face.

“So what if I do Ginny?” she finally replied, voice noticeably weary to her own ears.  “It doesn’t-- it doesn’t matter, even a little bit.  He’s him and I’m me and we don’t get on and no amount of feeling whatever I feel or parsing out why is going to change it.”

This time it was Ginny’s turn to frown, and she reached forward to put her hands on Y/N’s shoulders, pull her closer with a soft little hum into a hug.

“Oh, peaches.  I know you hate to hear me say it-- and maybe that’s you protecting yourself, you are basically a pill bug-- but I don’t think he’s mean because he doesn’t like you.  I think you make him nervous honeybun, you know how strong you are.  It scares guys, especially ones like Harry, especially with what he was like when we met.”

Y/N rubbed her face into Ginny’s shoulder, mushing her lips together instead of replying.  The soft slide that her cherry chapstick produced was enough to ground her, let her whisper a soft “maybe.”

“What did you even fight about peaches?  It can’t have been much, usually it takes you two longer.”

Y/N had to breathe unhappily through her nose at the “usually”, no matter how fair it might be.  She took a moment before responding.

“I don’t really know Gin.  I was talking to the Professor, made a joke or somethin’, and as soon as Harry was in he was on my case.”

Ginny nodded, face thoughtful, then said, “Is this the classics prof, the one that half the campus wants on?”

Y/N had to roll her eyes at that.

“Yes, Professor Morrow is the one everyone else is drooling after.  What does that have to do with anything, you creep?”

“Harry was probably jealous, peaches.  You know he’s good at makin’ you laugh, bet he likes to be the only one.”

[vixxpirational]

Stranger Danger (AU) | Part 2 of ?

Inspiration: The need to write and my lack of ability to actually do it in a timely manner Group: Taehyung/BTS (and some other lovely lady but you don’t know who she is yet. Imagine all the sexy noonas). Warning: Blood lust Words: 3637

Taehyung wakes up but things have drastically changed

Taehyung woke without his shirt and curled on the cold pavement. He was sweating, his body on fire; everything seemed to radiate from his chest. He rolled onto his back with a low moan, his body sore and screaming for him to be still. Even his eyelids felt stiff as he blinked them open slowly.

The full moon was high in the black canvas of night and, for some reason, that registered in Taehyung’s mind that it must be a little after three in the morning. The last he remembered, it was about ten o’clock when he had settled down in the graveyard to work.

The graveyard.

He sat up, too quickly, his head spinning, his stomach lurching. He looked around. His canvas was still blank and intact, his pencil had rolled in the dewey grass. His toolbox of brushes, paints, charcoal, his life was untouched. His shirt was folded neatly beside him, a small note pinned to it. The writing was neat, cute, feminine.

Thanks for a good time. See you soon, handsome.

“What the fuck is this?” he mumbled as he stared at the pretty lettering. Whoever it was would need to learn the that even the smallest prick into his expensive clothing was unacceptable. He carefully removed the safety pin and note, setting it on the canvas so that he could shrug his shirt back on. He didn’t remember taking it off in the first place.

He didn’t notice the marks on his chest.

He reached for his phone next, swiping through the notifications. He stopped at the fourteen missed calls from his roommate and frantic texts of “where are you” and “are you okay” and “if you’re dead, i’ll bring you back to life so i can kill you again.”

A cold wind swirled the fallen leaves around the trimmed lawn and headstones. It was a wind that should have sent a nauseating chill to Taehyung’s bones, but it felt more like a gentle, warm beach breeze. The thought was pushed from his mind as he remembered the woman, her plump breasts and flawless legs, her tempting eyes and sexy smell. His crotch immediately began to swell and he groaned. His chest still hurt.

His phone buzzed with another text. “if you don’t answer in the next five minutes i will call the cops.”

He rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but smile. Jimin had a knack for being dramatic, but he meant well. Taehyung went into Jimin’s contact, saved as Chimichanga, and pressed his phone to his ear. For sitting in the cold for so long, it should not have felt warm against his skin.

“You’re alive?”

“I’m calling from beyond the grave—” Taehyung started.

“Fuck you, Taehyung.”

“—to let you know you cannot have my Gucci collection.”

“Prick.” The relief in Jimin’s voice eased the pain radiating from Taehyung’s chest.

“Why are you worrying so much? You know how I get when I work.”

“How often do you paint in a graveyard?”

Taehyung laughed. “Good point. I may have dozed off a bit. I’m packing up now.”

“Can I still call the cops? You’re technically trespassing.”

“Sure.” Taehyung reached for his pencil and tucked it over his other ear. “I’ll make sure that I use your car as collateral on my bail money.”

“Prick.” Jimin’s soft giggle was soothing even after he cut the call off.

Taehyung gathered his things, and stood up. He had mastered the delicate balance of carrying too many art supplies in his arms, making it look easier than it actually was. Everything didn’t feel quite as heavy as normal. His chest still ached, but he ignored it as he loaded his truck and drove back to his dorm.

Jimin was hunched over his desk, anatomy book propped open to the a diagram of the cardiovascular system. Lines of red and blue curved and twisted inside of a grey silhouette of the human body. Taehyung’s mouth began to water as his tired eyes followed the arteries in the thighs, arms, neck. Sinking his teeth in would give the most blood, the loudest screams of pain.

“You okay?” Jimin’s voice pulled Taehyung back. He nodded and set his stuff on his bed. “You look like shit. You’re pale and clammy. Are you getting sick?”

“Don’t ‘doctor’ me, Chim,” Taehyung snapped. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so irritable. Maybe he was hungry? His stomach felt empty and his chest was still hurting.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m not feeling myself, I guess.”

“What’s wrong?” Jimin made his way over. He felt Taehyung’s forehead and frowned. He massaged Taehyung’s neck and something set his lips deeper. He pressed two fingers to the vein in Taehyung’s wrist, his eyes darting to his watch, and counted before stepping back.

“What? What is it?”

“You’re dead cold to the touch and your heart rate is dangerously low. How did you drive here? How are you even standing?”

“Dangerously low?” Taehyung rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt off and tossed it to his hamper. Jimin gasped.

“What is that?”

“What is what?” He looked down. His chest had been on fire since the moment he opened his eyes in the graveyard, but now he understood why. There were marks in an oval pattern on his chest that looked like the imprint of human teeth. Where the canines should have been were two wounds deep enough that even Taehyung knew there should have been a pool of blood around him when he had woken up. There was a deep red lipstick kiss in the middle.

“You’re going to the hospital.”

“No. I'm going to is my bed.”

“You could have died with where that’s located. How deep is th—”

“Jimin, I’m alive. Can I just sleep?”

“What happened?”

“Paint brush accident?”

“Very funny. If I let you sleep now, even against my better judgement, will you go to the hospital in the morning?”

“I’ll consider it.” Taehyung’s face twisted in exaggerated irritation as he stripped out of his jeans and into basketball shorts. He cleared off his bed, setting his supplies on his desk and situated his canvas on the easel. He climbed up onto his bunked bed, settling down for a hard, restless sleep.

He slept through his first alarm to shower. His second alarm woke him but only enough to remind him he had class in forty-five minutes. He turned it off, the effort to reach for his phone making him moan. He felt like his arms were ten times heavier than normal. His mind was hazy. His stomach rumbled in hunger. His chest wasn’t hurting anymore.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. It was too warm in his room. He scratched the back of his head and yawned, forcing his legs over the edge of his bed. He slide down his lofted bed and fumbled to reach for his lamp. His hand caught the line of sun peeking through the curtains as he did and it burned as if someone were holding a lighter against his skin. He jumped back and cursed, hand yanking on the cord of the lamp and pulling off his desk. It felt to the floor, the light bulb shattering.

He didn’t care about the racket as he stared at the burn on his hand. He watched the skin knit together and heal at an ungodly, scarless speed.  

“You can’t do anything gracefully, can you?” Jimin whined from his pile of blankets. Taehyung looked up and smiled.

“Just burned myself. Sorry. Go back to sleep.” His roommate sat up slowly, strong arms stretching above his head.

“How’d you burn yourself?” he asked, voice strained in a yawn. “You literally just woke up.”

“The sun.”

Jimin tilted his head, tired eyes narrowed in a threat Taehyung was all too familiar with. He had learned to hold the sarcasm until after breakfast because of that look.

“I’m not kidding, Jimin. I watched it on my hand disappear too.”

“You’ve sniffed too much paint.” Jimin hopped down from his bed, landing with athletic precision that Taehyung had always been envious of. He held out his hand, fingers wiggling, the all-too-familiar gesture of give me your hand and shut the fuck up because I know more than you.

“Your fingers are really cold. You still look pale.” Jimin moved his hands to Taehyung’s neck, fingers pressed to his jugular. “Your heartbeat is really slow still. How you’re functioning is a miracle.” His eyes darted down. “That’s already healed. It’s just a scar. Were you bitten by a radioactive spider?”

“I’m going to class.”

“No, you’re going to the hospital, remember?”

“Jimin, I’m swear I’m fine. And Peter Parker still went to class after he was bitten by a spider. Why can’t I?” Taehyung brushed passed his roommate to go to his wardrobe. His left foot stepped into the line of sunlight on the floor and he howled, falling back into the shadows. He watched his skin sizzle for a moment before going back to normal.

“What the fuck—”

“Can you develop a severe allergy to the sun overnight?” Taehyung asked, looking up at Jimin and unable to hide the fear this time.

Jimin stared at his roommate for a moment and shook his head before walking out of the dorm, leaving Taehyung confused and cowering under his desk.

Taehyung watched as the lines of sunlight moved across the floor of his dorm room. His stomach rumbled with hunger and he felt light-headed, irritable, scared. His throat was dry and scratchy; he had never felt so thirsty. He didn’t know what was happening to him or why Jimin just left him, but he was too afraid to know why at this point. It wasn’t until the two-in-the-afternoon sun finally left his room in completely in shadows that he finally climbed out, stretching his stiff limbs. He reached for his phone and climbed back onto his bed, reading through his messages.

NamJOON of Doom

you weren’t in class today? it was nice not having you answer all the questions. got to prove i’m actually the smart one. :P jimin said you weren’t feeling well, though. hope you get better soon, man. :( if you need anything, let me know. <3

JungSoup

did u finish the fear painting assignment thing for tommorrow? mine is shit so im gunna reserve a studio for tonite if u wanna join me. u know how creepy they are at night. nvm jimin hyung told me ur sick pls dont come and make me sick ur prolly jus hungover arent u hyung pls come cuz i dont wanna be alone with the studio ghost

Moldy Suga

you missed class. don’t die pls

He could feel the weight of everything lifting just a bit as he filtered through his friends’ messages. Everything felt almost normal. Even with Jimin’s reminder that something didn’t make sense, he found a way to find relief.

Chimichanga

sorry to bolt like i did. i’m going to help you figure this out. i know how to help. sit tight and stay out of the sun. if you’re going to die it’s going to be on my operation table and it will look like an accident ;) no way the sun is going to get you first

Everything faded away when he got to the next text.

Unknown Number

Meet me in the graveyard tonight. Our spot. You know the one. 11 o’clock. I will explain everything to you, handsome.

The woman from the night before came to mind, her perfect, alluring body; her smokey feline eyes; her soft, sultry voice. His hand pressed against his chest, fingering over the two scars on his chest and the faded red kiss mark.

He knew she was the reason this was happening but he wanted her back, wanted to be around her, learn from her. He felt drawn to her, connected in unexplainable ways.

Taehyung jumped when he heard doorknob rattle, cowering under the blankets on his bed. He didn’t understand why he was so jumpy.

“Jimin?”

His roommate walked in followed by a small, mature looking woman with short, blonde hair.

“Taehyung, this is my cousin, Choa. This is my dumbass roommate that got himself bitten by a vampire.”

“Vampire?” Taehyung asked. The other two ignored him.

“I’ve heard a lot more about you than just that, I promise,” she said with a friendly smile. Her presence was far more nurturing than Taehyung expected. She bowed to him before she made her way over to his desk. She delicately moved his toolbox to the side, setting her purse down.

“Jimin, what’s going—”

“She’s going to help, Taehyung.”

“How?” he asked as he watched the woman pull the largest bottle of sunscreen he’d ever seen from her bag.

“Doctors run in the family, but I am the black sheep that has her master’s in paranormal studies. I know more about your physiology now than future-doctor-conformist over here.” She pulled at hat out with rounded bill out of her bag.

“When you’re old and having heart problems from sleeping in haunted buildings your entire life, who will you go to?”

“Don’t trust him,” Taehyung said with a grin, sliding off his bed and landing on his feet with grace he’s never had before. Something about her presence was making him feel relaxed. “He’s always telling me that he’s going to make my surgical death look like an accident.”

Jimin rolled his eyes as Choa snickered. “He’ll have a hard time of that now, won’t he,” she said, patting his shoulder. She was much smaller up close. Taehyung could hear her heart beating. She smelled metallic and warm, making his mouth water and his throat ache.

“What’s happening to his eyes?”

“He’s hungry, Jimin. Why do you think I asked you to steal blood from my dad’s clinic on the way back?”

“Oh, right. I left the cooler in the car. Please don’t eat my cousin while I’m gone, Taehyung.”

He blinked and turned to look at Jimin, his head spinning. He hadn’t heard anything his roommate had said.

“What’s happening to me?” Taehyung asked as he watched Jimin leave their room. Choa reached up to touch his cheek and he could feel the blood pulsing in her palm. His eyes rolled closed and he took a deep breath. She smelled so… delicious.

“You need to eat, sweetie. Jimin will be back with something that will help settle your stomach. That will help with your anxiety.”

Taehyung nodded and leaned against his desk. She smiled and reached for his hand. She felt for his pulse in his wrist before feeling again in flat of his elbow, then at his neck. The closer she came to him, the more he could hear the sound of heart beating. He knew it was hers. She smelled delicious.

The sound of Jimin barreling back into the dorm room pulled Taehyung back.

“Do you know who turned you, Taehyung?” Choa asked softly as Jimin set a cooler next to her. She opened it up and pulled a plastic bag out, red liquid sloshing in it. She handed it to Taehyung.

“I remember her, but I never met her until last night,” he said as he stared at the bag. There was a cap on it where the line, connected to a needle, had carried their blood in. The small twinge of guilt was a flicker on his conscious compared the rumble in Taehyung’s stomach. He opened the cap and brought it to his lips, squeezing gently as if he were drinking from a juice box.

Taehyung had never tasted anything more delicious in his life. It was cold, but it didn’t matter the temperature when he could himself going back to normal with every luxurious swallow.

“Conversions aren’t very common anymore, right, unless there is a direct threat to the current population,” Jimin said, looking at his cousin. “Is there anything that you’re aware of going on?”

Choa shrugged. “I heard something about animal attacks, but that was on the other side of the country. The images I saw definitely didn’t come from an animal, though. I do have a connection with the local coven but they haven’t mentioned anything to me.”

“What does that mean?” Taehyung asked.

“It could mean anything, kiddo. I’ll keep in touch with you and check up on you, answer any question you have as best as I can.” She touched Taehyung’s cheek again, in a motherly way, her eyes suddenly sad, as he continued to suck the bag dry. “But you’ve got a rough road ahead as you adjust, especially if you don’t know who turned you.”

Taehyung had to convince Jimin that he was perfectly fine going out on his own. The sun itself had completely set for the evening and he still needed to finish his assignment. He had the sunscreen and hat that Choa had brought packed in, just in case he wound up staying out all night, and her instructions to reapply as often as every 30 minutes, depending on the sun’s intensity and Taehyung’s comfort level. It would prevent his skin from burning visibly, but he’d still feel the sun more than ever before. It was all he could do until the semester ended and he could adjust his schedule.

He texted Jungguk back, letting him know that he would come to the studio with him. He packed his things, Jimin watching apprehensively.

“Text me if you need anything.”

“Jimin, I’ll be fine. I’m just paining.”

“Did you eat?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes and held up the insulated lunch box that he had kept stored under his desk. He never thought he’d actually use it.

“If you’re going to have to kill a human, though, Jungguk would be a good start. You’d be making the world a better place…” Jimin smirked and crossed his arms. He acted as if he hated Jungguk, but everyone knew that they were close.

Taehyung didn’t respond, though. The thought of having to feed on a human for survival wasn’t something he had really thought about. He didn’t want to; the stollen blood bags were bad enough.

“Be careful, okay.”

“Promise,” Taehyung said as he walked out of their room. He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he should go. But he hoisted his canvas bag up his shoulder and started down the hall. He had to keep some normalcy in his life.

He started at the moon as he made his way across campus. There were still tricklings of pink and orange on the horizon, but the sun was completely gone. The moon was too bright. He knew just from the location of it that it was just past 9:30. He only had about ten hours of freedom to exist before he was bound to the shadows. He didn’t know how he knew that.

The smell of the art studios was always a comfort for Taehyung. He felt his muscles relax and his mind clear of everything as he made his way inside and through the halls to the studio Jungguk booked. He was home in his art, knowing that nothing would strip away his joy of creating something from nothing but pigment and paper.

“Took you long enough,” Jungguk huffed as Taehyung slipped inside the small room. There was already an easel set up for him.

“Got held up with Jimin. Just a bit concerned with how I was this morning.”

“You’re okay, though? Not contagious?”

Taehyung laughed. “Only if I bite you.”

Jungguk rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Taehyung watched him dip his brush into a deep red oil paint, making his mouth water. It looked like blood. He stepped forward, eyes not leaving the color, his nose picking up the smell of something metallic. He could hear a resting heartbeat, pumping delicious blood; Taehyung wanted to hear it; he want to feel blood trickle rhythmically into his mouth with his teeth clamp hard on Jungguk’s neck.

“You sure you’re okay, hyung?”

Taehyung blinked and stared at Jungguk for a moment. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind. Sorry.”

He pulled out his blank canvas. He stared at the few faint pencil lines of the gravestone he’d been staring at the night before, when his biggest fear was still death. Taehyung was pretty sure his biggest fear was his own reflection now, a creature he didn’t recognize anymore, a creature that wasn’t exactly alive.

He set it on the easel, taking in everything he remembered about the night before. He was so sure he’d finish, so inspired by the name and dates on the stone. Then she showed up. Taehyung touched his chest as she flooded his mind. She was so sexy, so easy to talk to, so easy to trust. She told him it was a big mistake to trust her, but he didn’t think so at the time.

The text message came back to mind. She had to have been the one to send it. He didn’t remember anyone else that night, not even a security guard. She had to be the one that turned him. And she wanted to meet him at eleven.

He pulled out his phone, looking at the time. 9:45. He could leave and come back. How long would Jungguk be there? Would he have time to finish his assignment if he left? Why should he even go. He didn’t need anything explained to him; he had Choa that did that. Right?

He glanced at the canvas again. Painting a headstone, painting death as his greatest fear, it seemed foolish now. He dipped into his toolbox, pulling out his eraser. He’d paint what he had become. He’d paint her.

[8eht]

q - u? :)

 q: how do you feel about collaborations?

i don’t have too much of an opinion on it, to be completely honest. im pretty particular about what i like reading though, so if their writing styles differ too much i won’t be able to enjoy it really.

with that being said, i give lots of props to those who actually collab w others bc im so picky abt my writing and have extremely specific ideas and if details aren’t described exactly how i imagined it in my head it causes me so much anxiety and distaste for it and askfhaskjfhasfkja. so it must really be difficult and i rly respect those are able to achieve that type of teamwork i could never tbh

r: are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

the first writer that comes to mind is tahereh mafi. i know her style is def not for everyone and neither is mine so sajkfhaskjf. feelinggenious on wattpad actually wrote a post about why they don’t like her style and expressed the reason being is that its “written in a chaotic, hallucinating-ish, journal style that’s oozing and overflowing of metaphors” and that ppl may find its a “lump of metaphors and horrid imagery” n binch thats exactly why i aspire to be on her level someday asfjhsfjhasfk. but i love it so much tho!! and thats exactly how i would want mine to be described as tbh

another person that stands out is tabitha suzuma. i’ve only read one book by her, but i remember ppl on goodreads reviewing it and saying its like 418 pages of poetry. she brings out so so so much emotion and all of her characters (even the younger children) are so three dimensional and they honestly felt like real people to me. the story is so so traumatic and hard to read, but i, at least, went thru so so so many strong emotions and sadness and happiness throughout the entire book. not many writers can do that to me and i admire her so so so so much. she took an extremely taboo subject and made it so you actually feel for the characters involved. i wont mention the book due to reasons but if anyone is interested u can message me or w/e!! 

and lastly, i mention her literally every moment of my life and she really is my biggest muse ??? i guess but its nicole dollanganger. she a songwriter which is technically a writer so i think she counts. not many ppl have heard of her bc she basically just came from bandcamp. but she’s been described as being like lana del rey but with way scarier and more horrific lyrics. i listen to a lot of her songs when i write to keep me going tbh. but i wouldnt rec her music to anyone who can be triggered by v*ol*nce and etc!! so keep that in mind

ask me more fanfic q’s!!!

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

i love angsty bffs who are secretly in love with each other but are too much of stubborn and frightened buttholes they never say anything. so they always fight and get jealous and wow … im so weak for this d*mb shit. hmmm also practice kissing tropes and hurt/comfort and ajkdhaskfjasf. im boring ok i know this dont tell me

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

ok so theres not many that i CANT stand, but theres a lot i literally have no interest in. i rly am against anything obviously problematic or gross. so theres that. but in terms of just popular tropes that im not into ??? anything paranormal (which is hilarious bc i love anything else paranormal n that includes books but for some reason in fanfics i just ??? cant do it.) however there have been a few that i love so i wouldnt disregard a fic completely jsut bc it has supernatual elements. i wouldnt disregard a dystopian fic tho maybe. idk wuts wrong with my brain and why it chooses some things and not others aksjfhasfkasf. but anything thats not everyday boring basic ass shit i usually cant get into it rip

so yeah. theres actually way more bc im so so so so picky af to the point where its disgusting brtywgasfjk

u: share three of your favorite fics writers and why you like them so much.

IM CHEATING !!! ok so instead of writers im gonna go w three of my fave fics bc thats easier for me.

1. letters (things unspoken) was the first fic i ever read that i really, really loved. its super heavy and so so sad so be warned if u wanna check it out. listen i didnt just tear up reading this ok. i straight up sobbed like a lil annoying binch and it really really broke my heart and wow. it involves d**th so. and its monsta x fyi

2. when i get weary of the sky is unbelievable. i havent read it in such a long time so i even forget a lot of it but i remember it being so incredible and well-written and asofhasufohas. im not gonna try to get into my reasoning bc as i said its been quite some time since ive read it and i dont want to give it an improper description. but anyway its abt pentagon!

3. desperate inhales;; relaxed exhales is shortish but its so good omg. im surprised it wasnt written by me tbh bc the author has a similar writing style as i do imo. its everything i could ask for in a fic i think. and wow its actually a svt centered fic amazing. which is wild bc 98% of the fics i read are seventeen related but yet 2/3 of the ones i mentioned are writers for different groups oops

idk why but i feel embarrassed if any of these writer have a tumblr and follow me but prob not and idek why i care but im such a shy awkward bean afhjksjkaf

[saragolakthesis]

Case Study 

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared // Web Series // March 2015 // Episode 4

DHMIS is a British animated surreal horror comedy web series created by filmmakers Becky Sloan and Joseph Pelling that first appeared online in 2011. The goal of the series is to comment on children’s television and learning, particularly in Britain. The intended audience of the series is teens and young adults of middle-class but, can be misinterpreted for young children at first glance. When the narrative of the series begins, it is clear that there is a deeper and darker message behind everything and thus, not suitable for younger audiences to watch. According to The Film Theorists, the context of the work is, “ultimately a parable for the loss of control that artists trade off when they work on bigger screens”. Their messages are manipulated and their morals are poisoned by others with ulterior motives. Thus, it addresses the negative influence of media on youth in terms of kid shows and manipulation. Each episode is only several minutes long that uses puppets as actors. For this case study, I will be focusing on Episode #4 entitled, Afternoon of the series as it is most relevant to my topic, directly dealing with the internet and technology. Each episode however, forms into one piece as the entire narrative takes place on the same day, but at different times of the day.  

Analysis of Events

1. Question Fun

The episode begins with three puppets, Red Guy, Yellow Guy, and Duck, representing cast members from an ‘educational’ show for children. They are shown playing a board game called ‘Question Fun’ and the Red Guy chooses a card that asks, “What is the biggest thing in the world?” Looking at the details around the room, the viewer can see a calendar hanging on the wall with June 19th as the date, various wall decorations usually depicting an animal, and skill-based activities such as a bookshelf, a globe, and a math timetable poster. In addition, in terms of colour, the image of the room is very dull, boring, and uses mainly primary hues. Moreover, this scene questions the concept of ‘fun’ which is something that is never thought about in my experience. As Red Guy reads the question, he and his friends are unsure of the answer thinking, “if only there was a way to learn more about the world” thus, they turn their attention towards the globe for help. The globe spins around as a personified item with a face that is about to educate the puppets about the world, however a computer suddenly appears into the scene from behind and disrupts their attention from the globe. This expresses the notion that technology distracts users from finding answers with the resources that are available around them, for as mentioned before, the room is filled with other means of access to knowledge.

2. Digital Mind

The computer starts to sing a song that goes along the lines of, “im a computer…I would like to show you inside my digital life, inside my mind there is a digital mind”.  I believe it expresses the notion that the user behind the computer is the mind inside the computer as people can be seen as functioning with the mind of a computer, hence being absent from the physical world with digital thinking space. The Red Guy asks the computer his question, thus choosing digital information rather than to look at the globe. However, his question gets interrupted as the computer sings about how wonderful he is for, “im very clever…I tell you the time, help you find something your wanting to find…you can do it all digitally”. During the song, the items that are mentioned are shown in a pixelated/bit-map style. The style used to portray the images relates to the concept of the online interface design. Also, a newspaper is shown on the table entitled ‘OPINOIN’ which is misspelled and the computer holds a magnifying glass over the news that is replaced with an image of oats. This expresses how useful information is replaced with ideas that are meaningless and pointless. Furthermore, as the computer continues to sing, the viewer can hear that auto tune is involved, expressing how people rely on these technologies for everything. I should also mention that the computer has hands that are usually mouse cursors. Furthermore, the word ‘Digitally’ is emphasized from the song as the word itself appears across the screen through a glitching process in a pixelated font. As the song wraps up, the Red Guy points out the fact that they already have a computer, showing a laptop placed near the globe slowly opening. This valuable piece of information had been cropped out of the scenes until this very moment. It expresses that even though the puppets were aware they had a computer, they did not seek it first for information.

3. Information

The computer mentions that, “before we begin our journey, I just need to get some information from you. What’s your name? Where do you live? What do you like to eat?” At this time, it shows the personal questions being printed out from the computer, with the icons and type on the paper in a pixelated style. The puppets immediately answer the computer with their personal information without taking the moment to think about what is being asked of them. This expresses the notion how users are willing to give up their information, especially when signing up for a new website or when starting up a new computer. The computer continues to ask a few other questions, but the Red Guy slowly begins to feel overwhelmed and irritated that he hits the keyboard and tells the computer to essential be quiet. The computer becomes incredibly angered by this and everything in the physical space begins to glitch. The puppets are suddenly transported into the digital world.

4. Digital World

The puppets transform from something tactile into a digitized representation of the self. The computer leads the puppets in an orderly line on a checkered path singing, “Welcome to my digital home! Everything made out of numbers and code!” The computer is suddenly seen with wires as legs, towering over the puppets in relation to height, depicting the notion of control over its users. Throughout the transition, a series of glitched and 3D graphics are shown of items that are floating around with large, googly eyes, looking directly at the puppets as they walk. The Digital world appears to be over-saturated, interesting and engaging unlike the ‘real’ world. The Yellow Guy is confused with what is happening as he questions, “If im sitting at home, but im inside the screen?” The computer answers, “but your not you, you’re your digital you, virtually real whose controlled by real you”. However, the puppets are not using any tools, such as a mouse, to control their virtual selves, so who is really controlling them? The Red Guy begins to show interest in this new world and asks, “in this digital world, what can we do?” The computer offers that, “there are over 3 things to do” showing only a bar graph that symbolizes information, digital style that symbolizes the need to keep up with the trends, and digital dancing that symbolizes entertainment. These words are replayed over and over and each puppet that opened their own door finds something new. The sequence gradually gets faster and the music also speeds up in the background. Everything at this point becomes dark and creepy as the Yellow Guy opens a door to no information, while the Duck’s design style becomes more realistic, and the Red Guy sees more people joining in on the dance. This moment shows how users are distracted by other things that the internet has to offer, such as fashion or entertainment that appear to look more realistic, resulting to the user not finding useful information in the end.

5. Physical World

The scene is shown back in the ‘real world’, however the Red Guy is sitting alone in front of the computer screen attempting to pull himself away and shut off the system. The two other puppets seem to have ceased to exist in the real world physically and are thus, portrayed as creepy pixelated holograms. This expresses the notion that the digital world is trying to create a presence in the real world. At this time, the digital world is shown in a chaotic state as it is glitching uncontrollably during a party. Behind all the ‘digital dancing’ there is a large glowing computer screen that can be seen as a symbol of control with wires exposed from the bottom in which link to the main puppets as some sort of binding chain. The Red Guy notices a plug that stretches from the room and under a door leading to another room. This door can be seen as the divide between the real and digital world as the Red Guy opens it both in the digital scene and in reality. When the door opens, the viewer is shown the backstage of the ‘set’ of the series that is supposed to resemble the room that the episode starts off in. In this room, there is a camera shown with the same large eyes as seen on previous items, which in this case, are constantly ‘rolling’, implying how everything is being recorded. The space is deprived of color and the puppet actors are revealed to be random props, such as a mop or a box of oats. In addition, the design of the room is expressed in an illustrative, amateur style along with handwritten type. Suddenly, a person in white appears from behind the props, holding one of them in one hand, hence expressing the figure that manipulates all the objects behind the scenes. The episode concludes with another figure in black entering in front of the screen with a clapperboard to wrap up the scene. The Red Guy realizes that he was not living in reality and that there were people controlling what he thought was ‘his own free actions’.  

Conclusion

Episode 4 of the series is all about computers and how it can teach us about the world, but in the end, the message gets corrupted and it concludes that in the digital world, people end up doing frivolous things like fashion and mindless entertainments. The episode conveys how users are initially getting sucked into digital technology and become distracted with superficial things rather than information they were looking for in the first place. For instance, the question asked at the beginning of the episode was never directly answered by the computer that it is in fact the digital world, but throughout the episode, the red puppet is seen resisting the influence and manipulative behaviour of the computer. It tells the viewer how technology is changing people, distracting us from our goals, taking our personal information, and appearing as something that looks very real, hence confusing the distinction between what is real and what is not. Hence, the theme is how lessons can either fail or succeed in ‘educating’ – brainwashing a specific view onto a person. More specifically, how T.V. shows are not educating kids, but are focused on making money instead. According to The Film Theorists the date June 19th is a time when stock markets reached record highs all over the world, but it was also a time when television was a huge deal in Britain. The internet can thus, be a dark place where things go creepy and too digital, however the episode ‘Afternoon’ teaches the viewer a lesson on a worthwhile topic of digital technology.

This related work is relevant as it uses design elements to portray a sense of the ‘digital’ such as pixelated imagery/text, along with extreme glitch transitions. In addition, the work is thought-provoking, educating the viewer through critical thinking about their own self and how they can relate to what is being shown to them. Other design methods such as pattern, personification, and colour are also used with intent in the series to express a specific message of symbolic meaning of the action taking place. Everything that is seen on the ‘set’ is there for a purpose, linking one idea to another to create a more sinister outlook of the issue at hand. Moreover, the entire concept of the video highlights key points that I wish to bring awareness to within my own project. This includes the notion of surveillance and how the digital world attempts to overpower the physical world with its ideologies and intelligence. This take on the internet reveals the dark qualities that come with it, as they are undermined and hidden from the user by showcasing only its best attributes. Hence, it underlines how the innocence of a digital environment can be so easily corrupted when it begins to blur the distinction with reality.  

[loljulie]

stay with me; {005} love sick (part 2)

(well here’s part dos of the cute sick chapter!! idk if there will be a part 3 bc tbh i could write this cute fluff forever. who knows?? anyway, i hope you enjoy this part bc a lot of research went into it. thank u lovelies~!)

genre: dunkirk 

collins x reader

word count: 1912

Sleep was something you were never able to fight well, and with time-traveling being known to cause tiredness, it was no wonder that you could fall asleep so quickly in the comfortable, inviting bed next to Jack Collins. While spending more time in the past wasn’t necessarily a terrible thing – especially if you were doing a harmless thing like sleeping – it was careless for you to let your guard down for such a prolonged period. You trusted Collins, of course, but even a man with good intentions could accidentally stumble upon something terrible.

Thus, when your eyes first shot open the next morning, the only thought on your mind was where your time module was. You sat up in the bed and your eyes wandered to the chair where your coat was still placed. Thankfully, it seemed to be in the same spot as when you left it, and Collins was still sound asleep next to you. You let out a sigh of relief.

Your next dilemma was how to leave. You had overstayed your trip to the past already, and you knew the best way to get back home was to hope that the man sleeping next to you was a heavy sleeper. Cautiously, you began to slide one leg over the side of the bed, praying that the bedsprings didn’t creak beneath you.

Your ankle had just felt the air outside of the covers when an arm wrapped itself around your waist and the body attached to it rolled toward you. Of course, he would shift himself right as you were making your escape plan. You slid back down into the sheets, deciding you’d have to wait until his grip loosened before making another attempt.

You wouldn’t be able to – at least, not that morning. Right then, as the right side of his face was smashed into the white pillow, Collins began to wake up. As you saw the tell-tale sign of movement under his eyelid just before they would spring open, you quickly closed your eyes and pretended to be asleep.

You sensed him open his eyes next to you as he sharply inhaled a breath to yawn and began to stretch his arms out. You took this movement as an opportunity to feign waking up again, and soon your eyes were staring into his.

“Good morning,” you hummed sluggishly, your head still pressed against the pillow. He raised his blue eyes to look out the curtained window, acknowledging how the morning sun shined against the fabric before reconnecting with your gaze.

“That it is,” he replied cheekily, giving you a wink. You scoffed at his reply and shook your head.

“How are you feeling?” you asked after letting his comment sink in for a moment. Collins took some breaths through his nose and swallowed a couple times before shrugging.

“Guid as new,” he answered in a deep voice, but that didn’t concern you. Though his morning voice was a bit raspy, it was different than how he sounded with his airways congested. You placed your hand on his forehead, and after feeling it for a moment, you gave a content nod.

“Doesn’t feel like you’ve got a fever anymore, either,” you stated.

“Which means a willnae feel bad if I dae this…” his voice trailed off as he leaned over toward you. His soft lips were against yours in seconds, and despite the initial shock, you welcomed the kiss.

The one arm around your waist slid so that it was all the way behind your back, pulling you closer to him. He used his free arm to prop himself up so that he hovered over you. Your hand quickly found the groove of his neck as the two of you deepened the kiss. You could feel him smiling into the kiss, a contagious smile that was soon transferred to your own lips.

He pulled away slowly, and once his face was a good few inches away from yours, he opened his crystal blue eyes and gazed at your face. He brought his hand that was wrapped around your waist to push away some loose strands of hair on your face. “I wan’ to wake up to this evr’y mornin'.”

You couldn’t tell if he meant the long kiss you two had shared, if he was referring to your image, or both –  but either way, the sentimental statement coupled with his husky morning voice sent a stir throughout your chest.

A rumbling brought the two of you out of the moment. Jack’s stomach had loudly stated how empty it was, and you could see the redness beginning to form on his cheeks from embarrassment. You let out a giggle, pecked his cheek, and said, “It sounds like you also want something to eat.”

The remnants of a modest breakfast of fried eggs and toast with jam lay on plates in front of you. Collins had graciously offered to cook the meal for you both – something you were thankful for, as you weren’t confident in your 1940’s kitchen knowledge after yesterday’s debacle. After you two had finished eating, you sat back in your wooden chairs, letting the food digest while you talked.

“So, I was just wondering,” you started after he had finished a story from his primary school days. “How are you able to live here, all on your own?”

You figured that, after the war, a soldier like Collins would have returned home and stayed with his family for a while. It was surprising to you to find that he lived alone, the house leaving no trace of any other occupant but Collins. Your question caused him to shift in his seat, and you felt a twinge of guilt for asking it.

“My brother, he fought in th' war as weel,” he started. Your breath stifled as you realized he hadn’t mentioned a brother before, and instantly assumed the worst. “He died richt afore oor win. Oor parents wur heartbroken.”

You noticed how he didn’t look you in the eyes, merely studied the left-over crumbs from the toast on the plate in front of him. “I went back hame right efter it a' ended, to be wi' ‘em. When th' compensation came, thay gave it a' to me. Thay wanted me to follow my dreams in his memory.”

“So, I'm 'ere, taking classes at th' University 'n' getting money aroond toun any wey that I kin. My parents send money sometimes, bit I send it righ’ back. I feel ill taking it fae them.”

You sat quietly there for a moment, speechless. What could you say? You didn’t feel right trying to console Collins with regurgitated phrases, and you also knew it was too grave of a subject for you to try and change quickly. Finally, he looked up from his plate, a small smile on his lips.

“I'm tairible at decorating, aren’t I?” You scoffed lightly at his statement.

“There’s definitely a few things I would change,” you admitted, earning a chuckle from Collins.

“Then mibie ye cuid help me oot wi' it sometime,” he replied with a raised eyebrow. You smirked at his offer. Was that an invitation to come over, again?

“Maybe… if you’ve got something to give me for it,” you teased.

“Oh, I’m sure I cuid come up wi' a few things.”

You were so engrossed in the flirtatious moment that you hadn’t heard the soft, pattering of rain drops hitting the roof. Only when the rain started to get heavier did you notice it. You peered outside the window, seeing how the cloudless sky had transitioned into a gray one over the course of your conversation. You smiled at the change in weather – after all, how could you leave if it was pouring rain outside?

“Looks lik' tis a day inside fur us,” Collins affirmed. He stood up and grabbed the plates on the dining table before walking to the kitchen.

“Do you want any help in there?” you called out after him.

“Na, hen, I've git it. Go oan 'n' mak' yersel' at home,” his voice rang from the kitchen. You heard plates chinking against one another and stood up from your chair.

After crossing into the living room, you decided to inspect a bookshelf that held a few different volumes on display. Your eyes studied the titles on the book spines – Animal Farm, For Whom the Bell Tolls, Cannery Row, Four Quartets – before stopping at one, The Screwtape Letters. The others you had identified easily – either by the title or by the author who wrote them – but that novel hadn’t been familiar to you. Curiously, you pulled the book out of its spot and flipped the front cover open.

As you read the first page, you absentmindedly walked to the couch and sat down in it, your eyes glued to the print on the page. Collins entering the room went by unnoticed by you until you felt the couch sink as he sat down beside you. By then, you had already made it through the first few pages.

“C.S. Lewis?” he asked, nodding to the book in your hands.

“Yeah, I haven’t read this one yet,” you answered, keeping your hand placed where you had been reading as you flipped to the front cover.

“Tis a guid yin. Pretty funny, too. I've read it a couple o' times masell.”

“You better not ruin it for me,” you warned, sending him a semi-threating look. He chuckled in response.

“A'richt, a willnae. Bit oinlie since a loue ye 'n' I cannae have ye mad at me.”

You froze at his comment. He had said it again – that he loved you. The sleep-filled phrases from the night before had almost left your mind until he uttered that word again. Love. Was he just meaning it in a playful way?

He must have noticed your reaction, because he fumbled over his words, trying to say something next. “I mean it, ye kno’, juist lik' ah meant it lest night.”

You watched his eyes, looking for any sign of insincerity. He met your gaze, and the earnest look in his eyes was enough to make your heart stop in your chest.

“I hope tis nae too soon to say it, 'n' even if it's, I dinnae care. Tis how I'm feelin' aboot ye.”

Your breathing hitched, your lungs suddenly only being able to take short breaths, before your lips slowly curled into a smile. He meant it. He loved you.

“I love you, too.” You breathed, and you wasted no time joining your lips together in a passionate, energetic embrace. He tangled a hand in your hair at the base of your neck. The book fell to the floor as your hands held onto Collins instead. He placed a hand on your hip, and with your coordination, pulled you into his lap.

The two of you didn’t pull apart for quite some time. When you did, you two would stay in each other’s arms for a while longer, giggling to yourselves and keeping to your own bubble, far from the world around you. Eventually, the novel on the floor would be incorporated into your own little world, with you cuddling your back against Collins’ chest as he read aloud to you. Nothing – not even the worries of the past, present, or future – could have interrupted the privacy of a lover’s trance.

[hayjeon]

Cover Requests (ft. Kim Taehyung) Part 1

Hey everyone! This is my first fic here back on Tumblr! I hope you enjoy, and thank you @daegukkie for being the amazing catalyst for this Drabble that took way too long sry 

please take the time to give me some feedback! I’m a little rusty so any sort of constructive criticism is always so so helpful. Love you! 

→ Genre: fluff, bakery coworkers!au 

→ Taehyung/Reader → 1.2k words → Summary: adventurous and weird Taehyung keeps asking for shift covers and basically he comes back with proof of these adventures and its weird, amazing, and you wanna get to know him

But every time, he ran into the bakery panting like he ran a mile, with a pair of ridiculous pink sweatpants with the tag still on them, or another time with grease stains all over his face and arms, or even with a handful of candles he bought from “an old granny on the street down there because she looked so cold and I wanted her to go home,” you got more and more confused and curious about this peculiar boy and his adventures.

Your phone dings and the familiar name of “KIM TAEHYUNG” pans over your home screen. Sliding your finger across the screen, the device opens up to the app your boss decided to use to organize your shifts at the bakery.

In jumbled type, the cover request opens up with “hi. pls help cover will pay back with love. went shopping for shoes and found hurt kitten thanks”

The words are all lowercase, and barely coherent. Like usual. This was the 6th time receiving such a request since you started working at the small bakery across your college campus 4 months ago. Each time Taehyung sent a cover request, it was something completely random and out of the blue.

You had seen, “sry lost my pants at movies will be there soon” to “currently forty min away, waiting for friend to jumpstart my car pls cover thx.” Each time, the requests were ridiculously exaggerated, to the point where there was a time when you doubted any of these were true. But every time, he ran into the bakery panting like he ran a mile, with a pair of ridiculous pink sweatpants with the tag still on them, or another time with grease stains all over his face and arms, or even with a handful of candles he bought from “an old granny on the street down there because she looked so cold and I wanted her to go home,” you got more and more confused and curious about this peculiar boy and his adventures.

He would always come back with such props or appearances and always have a short 2 minute story on what happened, short quips that had you always on edge and in wonder at the diversity and variety in one human’s life compared to your boring routine in college. It was your little secret, regarding your interest in Taehyung, and his adventures.

It just so happened that five out of those six times he'd sent such requests, you were either studying in the bakery or finishing up a shift. You had your fair share of requests as well, especially during midterm and finals season, so you were always willing to go the extra step to cover your coworkers. It was just coincidence however that the recent ones you had been covering were...well his.

You reply to his cover, agreeing to get to the bakery an hour earlier than you had expected. You pack up your things in the last class of the day, and as you slip pencils and folders into your backpack, a message notification pops up on the screen.

From: unknown

4:52 PM

“HEY ____!!! This is Tae from work; I just wanted to say thx for always covering me! ur the best I will repay u someday be there soon bye”

You chuckle and ignore the message, knowing that if you respond he probably would be too caught up in his mini adventure to notice anyway. After biking over and changing into the cute apron, you settle yourself at the register and begin frosting the batch of cupcakes the chef had just taken out of the oven. An hour into this you hear the distinct obnoxious jingle of the door that signifies not a customer, but someone a little too familiar with the store.

He's not sweating or huffing this time, but instead is wearing the biggest smile of triumph and holding a brown box in his hands. Catching your eye, he smiles even wider (how does he even smile so much???) and literally skips his way over to the register.

Leaning his entire upper body over the counter, he shoves his face extremely close to yours and lets out a low, “Hey, thanks again for saving my ass! Wanna know a secret, Y/N?”

Blinking, you step back and smile. “Hey Taehyung, and sure?” The sentence ends with a question.

Winking, he puts the brown box onto the counter, and takes a look around the bakery to make sure no customers or workers besides you two would be able to see the contents of the box, before removing the lid and slightly tipping it in your direction.

Inside, with a ragged but fluffy blue towel and a small toy, was a tiny kitten, scared but warm. You gasped, eyes widening at the sight, and Taehyung clapped a hand over your mouth and hurriedly closed the cover of the box. “Shhhh! If boss sees that I brought her to work, he’ll flip. I didn’t have time to go home and drop her off, also because she’s so scared.”

You’re still a little caught off guard, but quietly and hesitantly ask, “What are you gonna do? Do you need any help?”

You didn’t understand how, but his mischievous boxy smile got even bigger as he gestured for you to lean in to hear his whisper. “Y/N, I knew you’d be down to help! How about I take over the rest of the shift so you can get some homework done, but can you wait for me to finish in an hour and watch her? And at six, we can adventure to the vet together and I can buy you a meal and drop you off home after?”

Leaning back, you take a sec to think about his idea of an adventure. Taehyung’s huge eyes stare back at you under his dark brown fringe, some parts sticking out messily most likely from his rushed state. He was such an interesting figure, from his adventures to the way he doted on the small kitten. And it didn’t hurt that he was really cute. Really, really cute.

Live a little Y/N, you thought to yourself.

Clearing your throat, you nodded meekly, untying your apron. “Okay...I’ll be over at the back table doing my work.” He breaks out into a huge smile that almost splits his face in two, and bounds back behind the counter to take your apron. As he hands you the box, he leans down and give you a quick peck on your cheek.

Your face heats up with a ridiculous blush and the act makes you a stuttering mess, “Wh-wha-what was th-that for?”

Smiling with a mischievous smile again, but this time his hand comes to stroke the crown of your head. “That was for all the times I didn’t get to thank you for covering my shifts on such short notice. And this-” he leans down to your other cheek and lands another quick peck, “-is for just being cute.”

And then he turns away to clock in, and begins to take an order from a customer who had just walked up to the counter.

You’re left holding a box, with flushed face and jumbled mind. What does that mean? Does that mean he’s interested, or is he just being flirty? He just kissed me, twice!

As if hearing your thoughts, he looks over at you, winks, and gently gestures for you to go take a seat at the table with the kitten. Nodding, and trying not to make too much eye-contact in consideration for your poor heart, you slowly plop down and set the box gingerly by your side.

Laying your cheek against the table to cool it down, you peer down at the kitten through a crack between the box and the lid. The kitten just peers back up at you, cocking its head in some sort of unspoken question. You sigh, shrugging back at it.

Guess you’ll have to wait another hour before this adventure starts.

 Part two coming very soon! And this au will most likely connect to other au!s. Thanks  for reading, let me know what you think! 

[melanatedmoney]

“I’m Better”: Missy’s Black Girl Game of Thrones Survival Mantra

Missy Elliot released her video for her new single “I’m Better” two weeks ago, and while it may have over 9 million views on YouTube, folks have basically been silent about the visual. How, in the year 2017 are we still not giving Missy Elliot her props for these unparalleled, incomparable videos!?!!? In this time of presidential terrorism, political activism, and Game of Thrones – don’t worry, it will make sense later – I had to post my analysis of what I see as Missy’s mantra for Black girl survival.

The video starts with Missy front and center with a platoon of baddies with riot helmets on. The beat drops and is almost as looming as the Black girls in riot helmets, lighting up in tune. This imagery is so piercing. Riot helmets are worn when the cops are ready for battle with large groups of people. Often accompanied by bullet proof vests, shields, guns, and batons, we have seen these helmets much to frequently in the past few years as law enforcement interfaced with Black, Brown, and Indigenous political protesters resisting oppression and affirming their lives. This opening scene of “I’m Better” flips the scene. Black girls are ready for war but instead of full riot gear, you get cutoff sweatshirts and thick thighs. Thighs that remind you simultaneously that Black girls show up ready for war every day without riot gear, donning nothing but their beautiful skin, and of the way Black girls are seen as dangerous. Yet and still, we lit! The light in this opening scene comes mostly from the luminance of the riot helmets and we see only what Black girl lit-ness allows us to see. The entire time, Missy is in the center like a super saiyan, hittin’ every step along with the platoon of baddies.

In comes Lamb, the rapper on the hook that might not be too familiar to you, but whose production work I KNOW you’ve heard. From Beyonce’s “Countdown” to Jazmine Sullivan’s “Need U Bad”, Lamb has had several grammy noms as a producer. Much thanks to his mom, who gave him an MPC as a gift and he’s been making hits since. He’s also not new to working with Missy. What I find interesting about him being on the hook to Missy’s mantra for Black girl survival is that he is obviously here for Black girls musically. This is also his rap debut, meaning buzz around him won’t really outshine the Black girl survival in this video – no shade intended. He is merely the voice amplifying the Black girl lituation –  using his male privilege exactly how privilege should be used! He gives us Missy’s litany for survival:

“Imma start it from the bottom/ Show you how to flip a dollar/ I got food in my dining room/ I’m better, I’m better, I’m better”

And before he can finish the hook we cut to a scene of four Black girls – yall ready for this – HANGING and DANCING! That’s right! These four dancers are hanging from a harness, but on most cuts in the video they look as if they are lynched from red cloths, their hair tied up like trees atop their head. 

I have to admit, here is where I first started screaming “Fuck it up MISSY!” at my screen. Missy Elliott had Black girls, hanging, but surviving. The four of them showing survival in a way black girls always have – dancing their asses off! While the scene is an eerie reminder that Black women too were lynched in America, it also shows a resistance and refusal to die. With Lamb’s “I’m better, I’m better, I’m better” being chanted in the background, you cant help but think about all the hardships Black women have survived, and are continuing to heal from. ‘Better’ also makes the healing active and ongoing – it implies that better is a process composed of all the little moments we heal. The hook continues:

“ It's another day, another chance / I wake up, I wanna dance / So as long as I got my friends.../I'm better, I'm better, I'm better”

Okay yall, here’s where I become the nerdiest Black girl millennial of all time: I legit think Missy is making Game of Thrones references in the rest of the video. I know, I know… you’re probably thinking “get the fuck outta here!” But is it so hard to believe that Missy might be one of the millions of viewers of the HBO hit? I think not! Allow me to pull the receipts…

First, Missy pops up with the feathered cloak lookin’ reeeeal Jon Snow. If you are unfamiliar with Game of Thrones (Imma need you to binge it before the new season!), Jon Snow is the outcast son of high born family who is always being tested, underestimated, and attacked. As Missy stood there like she was guarding the realm from White walkers, I couldn’t help but think ‘This would be Jon Snow if he were a Black girl’. White patriarchal supremacy is always reminding Black girls that they are not considered a source of knowledge, value, or praxis – and if anyone can relate to being told “you know nothing”, its Jon Snow! Then Missy hits us with a line a line about Mexico: “He say I’m pretty, I’m pretty you must be from Brazil you must be from Mexico”. Not only can this line be read as solidarity with Mexican femmes, but also pulls us to focus on Mexico positively at this moment when the federal government of the US is trying to build a wall along the Mexican-US border. Missy is Jon Snow standing on the wall and while she’s cloaked in her black defending home turf – Black girls – she also stands in solidarity with those on the ‘other side of the wall’ like Jon does with the Free folk [insert Tormund shoutout here].

The Black girl survival and Game of Thrones themes don’t stop there! After some fire choreography, the video moves underwater – with each baddie from the platoon falling into deep water alone, only to find each other and Lamb at the bottom of the pool. But something has changed about the platoon: they are White Walkers now!!! Okay, let me attempt to do this without any spoilers… The Black girls ‘drown’ in the scene transition, but we know from the second dance sequence that Black girls will survive! They hit right back into choreo, only now they are dressed in all white with ice blue eyes and white hair. White Walkers!!!!

North of the Wall in Westeros, the White Walkers are the ancient race, birthed from magic. At some point in history the White Walkers break free of being controlled by the magic that created them, making them the most powerful crew in all of Westeros because they (for the most part) cannot die. Folks of Westeros built a 700 foot ice wall to keep them out, and they still slaying (literally). Missy turned every Black girl in her platoon into a White walker! Black girls are magic, hashtags on any social media site will tell you that! The continuous nods to the wall are so telling in our current political moment too – build it all you want 45th, but you will not divide us…winter is coming for that ass! Missy leads her crew of White Walkers in baddie Black girl Night King fashion.

Rocking her “Save the Humans” jacket (because who else would need to be saved if the army of White Walkers was coming…or while the 45th president of the United States is in office), Missy continues to serve us choreography and even has the baddie platoon do a routine on Pilates balls!!! Yall… PILATES BALLS! I can barely sit on one without falling off, much less hit a solid 2 minutes of choreography. Missy harmonizes over the beat:

“He watching my body like he watching Scandal / But I’m just here for my girls”

The scandal line is such a smart double entendre that I had to make the Jaz face at that bar. The obvious read is he’s looking at her the way the majority of us look at our televisions on Thursday nights as Olivia Pope collects our edges. Another read is the hyper-surveillance of Black girls, constantly watched as if they are scandalous simply for being who they are. As the ‘drowned’ dance routine continues, Black girls not only survive by dancing under water, they also swim around overhead staying afloat in deep waters.

Missy’s “I’m Better” reminds Black girls on both sides of ‘the wall’ that we are better every day we resist and transform a world that loves us in theory and hates us in practice. She reminds us of the importance of collective healing as self-care through the visual for the song, and also to appreciate the little things we so often overlook – like having food on our tables or being able to swim. So maybe I am the only one who saw the GoT references, but Missy Misdemeanor Elliott still has me wanting fanfiction in which Jon Snow is replaced by a Black girl!