#proper sad and mad over this

[passion8alot]

My queer disabled group I joined in order to try to reduce my isolation and increase my confidence has been shut down with a weeks notice.

They have communicated issues with funding for a while now but did not provide good level of heads up about severity or timelines and we have just been told today that we will only be allowed one more session before its ended forever.

We were told back in january that there was funding issues, the group offered to email ministers and help with looking for grants or even organise fundraising ourselves, and many of the members are well known for being strong advocates in the community. We lost our facilitator who was such an awesome person, they did an awesome job at making sure everyones needs where met and everyones voices where heard, and had the hard job of navigating conflicting needs.

We put together an amazing art exibition where many exibitionists were able to sell their work! And there was a plan to do another expo next year! Just last week we were planning a end of year event!

And now next week will be our last week.

So now I guess I will go back to being isolated in my regional town where these services just don't exist. The program was run in the city. Over 2 hours away from me. And now its gonna be gone.

This sucks man.

sucks hard

[nyan-bynary]

Do you ever think about all the women in jjk that don't even get a second to be mourned?

[chainsawworld]

I've been having a very strange predicament recently and I think. I think this might entirely kill any hope I had at learning any emotional regulation skills

[discoshhtick]

finished balding gate 3

[reikunrei]

remembering the final stroke part 2........... how did they make that shit so bad

[ventingbit]

.

[the-tarot-witch22]

Love letter from your future spouse 💌 - Pick a pile

Note : *Some intense se*ual messages for you guys too, soo minors DNI*

Pile 1/Pile 2

Pile 3/ Pile 4

Hello everyone ! This is my another pick a pile or pac reading so please be kind and leave comment or reblog, and let me know if it resonated with you!

Note : This is a general reading or collective reading. It may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave what doesn't. And it's totally okay if our energies aren't aligned!

How to pick : Take a deep breath and choose a pile which you feel most connected to!

Note : This reading is based on my intuition and channeled messages from tarot cards.

I worked really hard on this pile please show some love by leaving comments, likes and reblogs!

*Buy me a kofi*

Pile 1

(The cards I got ace of pentacles, ace of cups, 2 of cups, page of cups, and the fool)

Hello my dearest,

What can I say? I didn't even meet you and yet I still miss you. Am I going mad, my love? I am working towards my goal and I have almost everything i need at the moment but why do I still feel that longing and sadness, am I insane for this? my life has been okay, I work or study and do what needs to be done, but is it weird to say i am searching for you? I hope you feel the same way��� sometimes i dream of you or have that romantic dreams where you are there and when i wake up… nothing? It's making me lose my mind, i can't really talk about it with everyone, they will or might think i am just desperate for some shit, but i am not i want something serious, i want you. I have fun too i sometimes go out with my friends we laugh together, but still when I look at them or when they talk about their lovers or text them in front of me, i just miss you.. Am i being too much? probably but i wanted to tell of this to you, I feel like i need some rest or space from everything or just go somewhere where i can be alone with my and your thoughts, but the responsibilities are holding me back , I wish you were here to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. Sometimes I feel like we make some telepathic or some sort of connection and i feel that intense vibrations in my body, I haven't even met you and here I am being vulnerable, But i know you will love this side of me, will you not? I also want to tell you you're doing great and you will achieve everything you have dreamt of please take proper care of yourself, I wanna meet you soon, and have the love , fun i never experienced or had, You know love, what's funny thing is? I never had something serious or people had just taken advantage of me, but you without even meeting you, i can tell you are what i need. Please be patient for me, universe is in work and they will help us meet at divine timing and I can't wait for it. Until then, my love.

Phew so intense they had a lot to say to you, and they seem so sweet, don't they? i wish you meet them soon.

Pile 2:

(the cards I got 3 of cups, the star, 5 of cups and king of cups)

hey ;)

Hello my star, what are you up to nowadays? Are you having fun without me? wait don't answer me that i might get jealous over it, what's wrong with me I am not scaring you away am I? I tend to speak my mind, and show what I feel, because that's how I am. But sincerely tho, i hope you are having fun and celebration and you are enjoying your life, you know this is what we should do? Like just enjoy our times, I know how hectic life can get and we all deserve the break, so do it for you don't let anyone tell you that you are not doing enough because my star , you are and i already swooning over here from the thoughts of you, would you like to hear about my life too? I will tell you what I am doing nowadays, I had lost something precious to me, I know not a way great way to start a conversation right? But i wanna tell you, I lost something, i hate that I did, but to be honest? If it leads me to you , then i am willing to sacrifice anything for it, i wish we could meet sooner, but i know this distance this gap between us only increase our love towards each other, because distance makes heart grows fonder right? Now I wont deny when I lost that thing I was sad and even cried, But now I am healing and your thoughts are helping me? Do you miss me too at the same time? and wonder what we could have been doing if we were together? Because I do. Always. It's not even funny at this point. Gosh your thoughts make me feel all romantic thoughts, you are such a tease by the way hiding away and making desperate for you, don't you worry my star , I will take my revenge when I meet you, sweet revenge, I will tease you so much that you will regret meeting me late, Don't worry I am just kidding, i tend to get intense sometimes, but your thoughts are responsible they make me like this. But right now I am working towards something I am saving money for us our future and maybe kids too? Well, its a conversation for later… But if you don't want kids we can always have pets, right? I want to give you the world, and care for you so much for you. Now, I have to go… Duty calls, but remember I miss you, and I love you even if we haven't met yet.

Pile 2 your fs sounds like a total flirt and a good person, and I love it for you! You guys deserve it <3

Pile 3:

the cards I got (knight of wands, 9 of wands, 3 of wands, 8 of wands)

Hello sexy wanderer,

Do you know what kind of thoughts, I have for you? You my sexy wildcat, you are a pure goddess and you are so beautiful, and what can I say i have such dreams for you, I just wanna tear off your clothes, i will just leave it at that, You feel like a dream come true. Wherever I go I imagine having intense intimate moments with you, and I don't even know why, such a hold you have on me, and guess what we haven't even met yet. I have to say so much to you but i will hold out for now, I don't wanna scare you away, but its totally opposite I don't wanna scare you away but i also want to impress you, I wanna have enjoy small moments with you. I would like to make out and show everyone who you actually love. Not them who stares at your beauty or just wanna have fun with you but me, you chose me, i will show that I am a proud men, and worthy of you, right now I am travelling to far away lands I like doing that you know, but i am gonna coming to meet you soon. And you believe me when i say i will sweep you off your feet and give everything you are worthy of. See you soon.

Wow, they seem too passionate, and you know what? Good for you guys! Their message was short but their energy? give me a fan right now because I need it! They are definitely fire sign and love travelling, and their sexual drive? HIGH. They gave me so much hot kind of energy, I love it for you guys, i totally see you both meeting soon!

Pile 4 :

(the cards I got 4 of pentacles, the magician, ace of wands, strength, The Hermit, 6 of cups, 3 of pentacles)

Sweetheart? Once, we meet I am not letting you go ever, But i will make sure you know that I deserve you, I might make mistakes here and there, but that's just me being foolish or silly, but I never intend to fight with you or hurt you, You know I am a bit overprotective, but if you don't like that I am willing to change my ways for you, Right now there is so much work pressure on me, i feel overwhelmed so I decided to talk with you, even though we are not in each other's lives right now, I feel I can talk to you about anything you make me feel safe like i can be myself, i never had that, it was always me making efforts, but with you i can feel we are each other's light, and I wish we cross each other's path soon, right now i am enjoying my alone time, I am not dating around, I am waiting for you sweetheart, and I have a feeling we will know we are the ones for each other. I feel we have known each other in past lives or we might have each cross each other's path, but that time timing might not be right, And we both needed to learn some lessons before we meet again, and honestly? I'd like that. I wanna be the best men for you. I love you, and for you I am willing to fight anything or anyone, Some people think i am workaholic, but they don't know what I feel, or who i feel for the person i feel for is you, you make me wanna be a better man, i wish there wasn't this much wait for us to meet, I have so much to tell you, Sometimes I end up fighting with my close ones, I regret it, I am a very calm person but when someone provokes me? I can't take it. I am working on that too. And that's why we are having our self journey's together and let's meet at our best, sweetheart. Till then remember I am here waiting for you and trying to be a best person who deserves you. I love you my sweetheart.

Okayyyy, very masculine and hardworking energy, they or you might be spiritual too, you meeting will be for the best, for some of you i feel friends to lovers trope going to be here, your man sounds so sweet yet tired. But he is doing his best, you guys got a gem.

Thank you for stopping by! Take care and remember you are loved <3

[bkgml]

i absolutely LOVE your works!! could you write about y/n and bakugo having a argument and y/n sleeping on the couch? i dont mind if its gonna be a sad or happy ending ;D

(feel free to ignore this ask!)

WOOOO I GET SUCH A BOOST WHEN PPL COMPLIMENT MY WORK is that shallow idk but like even if it is you can’t blame me 😚

“leave me alone katsuki.” you frown, tears in your lash line as you walk into the kitchen.

“stop acting like a child yn.” he calls after you.

you stop before inhaling sharply to regain your composure. you’re not in the mood to argue, you had a really long day today and you just wanted to cuddle katsuki and go to bed.

you continue walking to the fridge so you can make dinner.

“now you’re fuckin ignoring me? it was one date.” he says coldly.

that pushes you over the edge. whipping your head to glare at him.

“one date?! katsuki you’ve missed 15 dates. you’re constantly prioritizing me over your job and i get left behind to pick up the pieces. i’m sick of it!!” you scream.

he walks toward you, caging you into the counter and you frown because you know what he’s looking for.

“you can’t kiss me and expect this to all go away katsuki. it’s happened too many times!” you frown, pushing him away.

he lets you, taking the hint.

“you know i need to go into work when they call me, you’re being selfish!” he yells and slams his hand on the countertop.

you jump away from him and your eyes fill with tears.

“don’t yell at me.” you frown.

“i’m gonna go to bed. i don’t want dinner.” you mumble, rushing past him to go to the family room.

“you’re not sleeping on the couch.”

“don’t tell me what to do!!” you snap.

he purses his lips and turns to leave.

“i’m sleeping on this couch before you decide to do the proper thing and apologize like an adult.” you call after him.

his fists clench and he stoms into the bedroom.

you force yourself to sleep. you’ve forgiven him way too many times.

katsuki lies awake in his room. counting how many minutes have passed without you coming to bed. he didn’t know you were this mad, he wants to spend time with you so badly. unfortunately hes trying to save up for the perfect ring and has taken on too many shifts. hes hoping he hasn’t fucked up bad enough for you to leave him.

at that thought, he makes his way to the living room. peeling back the warm blankets in exchange for the cold air of a girlfriend-less night.

he finds you in a light sleep on the couch.

“baby.” he says, brushing your hair out of your face.

“baby come to bed please? ‘m sorry.” he says, lowly.

your eyes flutter open and you frown at him.

“i said im not coming to bed, suki.” you pout.

he grunts in frustration.

“fine.” he says, standing.

you think he’s on his way back to bed so you shut your eyes once again.

only to feel your body get crushed by his weight.

“katsuki.” you groan, trying to shove him off.

“not moving.” he says while wrapping his strong arms around your waist.

“i’m not done being mad at you.” you whisper into the silence.

he removes his arms in favour of pulling up your shift to press soft kisses to the spot on your tummy that sends butterflies to flutter around your stomach.

“i know.” he replies in between kisses.

“but i’m done with you being mad at me.” he says while putting your shirt down over his head.

you sigh, attempting to pull the shirt back up so you can see his face.

he doesn’t let you though, preferring to nose at the soft part of your tummy.

“i know you’re hiding a blush under there.” you say.

“no you don’t.” he replies, resuming his kisses.

“alright.” you say softly.

he pops his head out now, thumbs starting to rub circles into your hips.

“hm?” he questions.

you sigh before reaching to cup his cheek.

“i forgive you,” you mumble and he smiles softly, leaning into your palm.

“i guess.” you grin and he bites your hand.

“ow! don’t push your luck.” you frown.

“sorry,” he mumbles.

“i guess.” he says and your grin drops.

he cackles loudly before standing and throwing you over his shoulder.

you laugh with him and bite his waist.

“hey.” he grunts and throws you on the bed.

you giggle and open your arms.

he shuffles up until his entire body weight is on you and his face is in your neck.

“don’t sleep on the couch ever again.” he mumbles, lips grazing your neck giving you shivers.

“don’t do dumb shit ever again.” you mumble back and he frowns.

“said i was sorry.”

“i know.” you smile, brushing his hair off his forehead and pressing a lingering kiss to his skin.

he hums in content as his eyes flutter shut before he falls asleep.

“miss another date and i’ll fucking kill you.” you whisper.

his eyes snap open.

[gremlingottoosilly]

Bimbo/Airheaded!reader who gets distracted easily, sometimes spaces out during conversations, forgets what or where she's supposed to do/go constantly, sometimes walks into glass doors or walls overall is just all over the place

Que to worried Konig. He loves you, his favorite girl in the world! He wants to pick you up and force you to sit in one place because you're simply way too dumb to survive without his guidance. He is set on just getting you a very firm collar at this point, understanding clearly that his precious baby needs his guidance. Seriously though - you need to understand that he is the only one who would protect you. Other people aren't even half as nice as him, and you have to understand this. Poor, dumb girl, it's good that the colonel is here to help. He mourns his dream of having a cute housewife. Whenever you're doing chores you're set on doing something wrong - not even out of maliciousness and weaponized incompetence, but because you really want to help him and fail. Seriously, you burned his coffee so many times, spilled it everywhere every time you tried to get it to him - until he finally bought a proper coffee machine, and you were able to greet him with a steaming cup every morning. Although he would prefer to take care of you instead. Konig has this permanent fixer mentality. You're weak, dumb, helpless, he is there to protect you, to help you. If you break something, he will check you for injuries first and be mad at you second. If you forget about the chores you wanted to do, he won't give you any chores. After the first time you got lost in the street when you wanted to surprise him with a gift, he forbade you from ever exiting home without him. You were wining and crying at first - but gave up eventually, knowing that there is really nothing you can do. You have to obey. Besides...he is taking care of you. Covering you in bandages, kissing your little bruises, brings you little gifts every time you fuck something up so you won't feel too sad.

[goldsbitch]

Hypochondria

The emotions and glimpses of daily life of this random girl followed Lando throughout his whole. Whenever she's sad, he knows. Her celebrations sort of become his celebrations. For him, it's like breathing - just another part of his life. That is until he meets her.

soulmate au

Lando knew the moment he saw her. And it was at that point when he thought he was truly going crazy.

For his whole life, he thought it was just some fantasy that he planted in his mind in early age and was impossible to get rid off.

He froze completely. Panicked, went into fight or flight mode, these two fighting each other so hard that he just stood there, staring like a creep. Thank god she was far away enough and probably did not notice.

His second immediate reaction was anger. Did she really not notice him? The audacity? How can she roam around his brain for his whole life and then not react when she sees him? Her being in the paddock meant that she definitely knew who he was, people don't just end up by chance there.

Except maybe she did. Her outfit gave away that she was one of the medics from the medical team. Of course she would be. Saving lives, doing something proper meaningful. Not driving around in circles and making a big deal out of it, like he did. Never in his life did he feel as selfish and sort of shameful for his choice of career.

He began to insert ideas into her head, despite not having spoken a single word to her. She was probably someone who valued intelligence, people who were book smart, humble heroes in the society who were focus on dedicating their lives to saving others.

Not those who were recklessly driving around in circles. There was no way she'd see him fit to her. That was not going to stop him. Her being one of the medics provided a great opportunity. Hypochondria? So be it.

His mind was spiraling out of control.

//

For as long as he could remember, he had dreams (and something he would not dare call visions) about this one girl. As if he was watching glimpses of her life, little moments, bits and pieces. But it was almost constant. He was so used to it at this point that he found it relaxing. It was very confusing growing up. Every adult around him was freaking out when his childhood imaginary friend phase would just not go away. So once he realized that people were thinking he's weird, he just stopped talking about it. It was also a big revelation to him when he found out that other people did not have these visions in their head so intensively. When he was 17 he had an obsession phase, where he researched the fuck out of how brains worked, but nothing seemed to match. His dreams did not provide him with anything specific, no details about place, vague signs that this person he kept seeing at least lived in the same time frame as he did. It was little things he saw and felt, as if her emotions traveled to him. He'd seen her happy, laughing with friends while she tried weed for the first time, getting nervous by her exams and debating whether to brush her teeth in the evening. Her becoming a medic now finally answered few questions. Often he would wonder why was she studying so much. His blurry dreams blocking these specifics out, just to make it all more frustrating. Observing her having a crush on someone was unnerving and eventually, seeing little things from her romantic relationship, just made him supremely mad. He was glad that was over, because at one point, it had started to seriously mess up his mood. He genuinely celebrated the break up. Incredible amounts of little moments and details were conveyed to him, but no idea on where or who she was. He just had this knowledge in his head about someone who he doubted actually existed.

And now she was probably standing right across the track. It was a lot to take in.

//

Most of the medical team traveled with them, as far as Lando was aware. Never really paid that much of attention to that department until then. So he figured he's only have few days to capture her attention, she might have been local. He was already contemplating moving here to join her life, in case she was local. That's when he decided to get a full medical check up upon request.

He complained nonstop about a pain in his stomach - vague enough for many possibilities having to be ruled out.

It quickly started feeling like playing a video game. Having to jump through levels in order to get to his "boss".

He spent an hour in the medical centre, where he was taken immediately after his first comment about his fictional pain, because everyone still had in fresh memory the saga of Carlos's appendix. "This is gonna be easy" he thought to himself, because one of the first people he saw passing by was her. He was not even trying to hide when observing her. The way her hair fell out of a messy bun. A concentrated look as she was attending one of the staff members, listening attentively and taking care of their wound. The whole place seemed to glow up by her presence. He wondered how it felt when her fingertips touched the skin of another person and was almost jealous of the person she was treating. On par with his bad luck, the drivers had a dedicated doctor on-call, so he was taken to a different private room where he had to undergo a full medical scan, with of course nothing being found. When he got out, she was no longer there. All for nothing.

//

The rest of his day was covered in a brain fog, he sort of floated through the media day, feeling like he was not really there. He let Oscar totally step up to be the main star this time. As if he could give a fuck.

Over the years of having to live with this strange connection, he managed to block it out temporarily for moment when he really need to focus. This time, he was doing the exact opposite. Trying to somehow "connect" to this personal bluetooth he had in his head.

Finally, after few hours he felt something. A light wave of anxiety, as she opened her email. Then a wave of disappointment, despair and her giving up. He was more than able to not get affected by her emotions - usually. This time it was sort of in tune with his own mix of emotions, so if he was a downer before it progressed perfectly into him shutting off completely.

//

He managed to completely forget that his latest girlfriend, if that was the right word to use, was coming over. He only realized when he saw a pair of female shoes thrown by the door of his hotel room. A wave of guilt washed over him. He was being an asshole again. As they greeted each other, he tried to kiss her as much as he could, trying to avoid unnecessary conversation. Maybe this reality check was good. He often got lost in his own head, listening sad songs to fill this strange void - or he would just party too much. Now, there was a real person standing in front of him, a super hot girl who liked him and was not annoying. He figured there was no point in drowning in his own delusions.

Letting her fuck his brains out worked, at least until the next morning.

part 2

[sukunas-princess]

Co-worker!Kotarou, who only got this cushy part-time corporate gig because Tetsuro put in a good word for him.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who wants to do his best and show Tetsuro that he won’t regret it, but he’s just hopelessly clumsy and always in the way somehow. You can’t help but think that Tetsuro is playing some grand prank on you by giving Kotarou to you. This man can barely answer the phone correctly. How will he ever learn how to be a proper administrative assistant for you?

Co-worker!Kotarou, who shoots straight up from his desk when you arrive every morning, and then trails behind you, just like a happy pup. He fills you in on everything he’s done so far (before he got to work. God knows he isn’t useful at work), and then proceeds to read you your messages – if you can call them that. Most are just scribbles about how the voice sounded because he forgot to ask for a name.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who gets a little too curious about you and wants to know what you do outside of work, and then jokingly asks you if you even know how to have fun.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who stares at you blankly when you tell him you most certainly have fun, and when he asks you to give examples, you snap at him to get back to his desk.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who has disturbed your precious breaks more than once by running into your corner office and claiming he has broken the copier. He’s a sight to behold with his button-down shirt no longer buttoned, the tight white t-shirt underneath fighting with honor to stay on as he babbles about how “It’s out of paper” or “It’s out of toner” or it’s out of blah blah blah.

You now lock your door for your breaks.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who presses Tetsuro for information about you on his lunch breaks. Tetsuro laughs when Kotarou pouts and says that he doesn't understand what he did, but you always look so mad at him. Tetsuro assures him that that's just who you are - no nonsense at work, but your resting bitch face certainly isn't doing you any favors. He gently reminds Kotarou that "not everyone is an open book like you, dude" but to "work hard, and they'll appreciate it. Just don't be so... you in the meantime".

So Co-worker!Kotarou, who tries not to be so… well, him. He does his very best to make you proud – writing down actual names and numbers when he takes a message, fixing the copier by himself, and busting his butt so he's two steps ahead of you with whatever you need.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who is in the middle of typing up your agenda for tomorrow when you peek your head out and call for him. And when he asks what you need, you pause for a moment before softly telling him, “Nothing. Just… Good job”.

(And Co-worker!Kotarou, who can’t help but let out a little fist pump once you’re out of sight.)

Co-worker!Kotarou, who brings in donuts for the whole office one morning (charged onto one of Tetsuro’s credit cards, of course), and is crestfallen when you politely decline taking one of them. He's noticed you look a little sad lately, and he wanted to make your day better with a tasty treat at the very least.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who is trying sooooooooo hard not to be nosy, but he can't help but overhear you constantly arguing with someone over the phone nowadays, and it's definitely not with a client.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who hears little rumblings through the office that you're no longer in a relationship, and that things are about to get rough if everyone doesn't stay in line.

So Co-worker!Kotarou, who comes in a full two hours before you now, preparing everything in order to make your day as smooth as possible. It's none of his business what happened between you and your ex, but he wants to help any way he can.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who continues to bring in breakfast once a week for the office (still charged to Tetsuro’s credit card), and has a sweet treat for you completely separate from the rest. He’s hell bent on finding out what kind of pastry you enjoy most, since it's clearly not donuts. And even if you don’t like it, hopefully you laughed at the dad joke he left beside it.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who attempts to cheer you up one evening - offering to stay late, or to beat your ex-lover up, or to go buy junk food down at the corner store and you can just rant to him while you eat it all.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who gets a little bit of a smile out of you with that last one.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who genuinely says “Seriously. If you need anything, I’m here. I wouldn’t be a very good assistant if I wasn’t.”

Co-worker!Kotarou, who's laughter is so contagious when you answer, “You’re a terrible fucking assistant, Kotarou” that you can’t help but laugh too.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who feels a little spark as you both just continue to smile at each other. These past couple months have been difficult, to say the least. He would be a liar if he said he hadn't gotten a huge, fat crush on you the moment he was introduced to you.

But Co-worker!Kotarou, who's spark flickers for a moment before being snuffed out completely, because now isn't a time for confessions. You just got out of a relationship. You're fragile, and he would feel like a complete ass if he took advantage of you.

So Co-worker!Kotarou, who wishes you goodnight instead, and heads home.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who gets ready for bed, wondering what would have happened if he had made a move. How would your lips feel against his? How would it feel to hold you so impossibly close, like he's been longing to?

Co-worker!Kotarou, who shakes his head and tells himself out loud to "Let it go. Don't do this to yourself." before he climbs into bed.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who is almost asleep when he feels his phone vibrate, but checks it anyways.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who reads, “I lied that day when I said I didn’t want a donut. They’re my favorite.”

Co-worker!Kotarou, who has to read the message three times, because at first he thinks he's hallucinating, and the second time, he thinks it's a weird trap.

Co-worker!Kotarou, who takes forever and a half to do it, but eventually texts back, "Any particular kind?"

Co-worker!Kotarou, who lets out a little giggle when he reads, "Any is fine." and then right below it, "Good night."

Co-worker!Kotarou, who's feet kick around a little bit before he puts his phone back down, and allows himself to be whisked away by daydreams of you, falling asleep with a big smile on his face.

And last but not least, Co-worker Kotarou, who is late to work the next morning, because he was asking the girl behind the counter if there was any possible way she could put a smiley face on the donut.

© all writing owned by sukunas-princess. do not copy, translate, plagiarize, share outside of tumblr, etc. heart divider by @/roseschoices. support banner made by me, sukunas-princess.

[greeneyessmize]

I want to highlight how Penelope is a QUEEN at quick, satisfying exits in Season 3.

Exhibit 1.

The Queen's Garden Party Escape:

Colin comes up to Penelope and tries to impress her with his new persona and clothes, tries to engage with her over Eloise being friendly with Cressida, but is just left confused in the dust when she leaves without a proper friendly goodbye or even a half-hearted smile. Boy is practically slack jawed inhaling her dust.

Exhibit 2.

The Danbury Ball Exit:

Here, we have take two of Colin's attempts to charm Penelope. He lies about having come to check on her, compliments her, tells her she cannot be a spinster when she attempts to flee his presence with a bit of grace, says he misses her and gets the shit slapped out of him with his own words... and again is left grasping for words and coherent thought as Pen gtfo's.

Exhibit 3.

The Kiss Run:

Penelope thought this was her only kiss she would ever have. It was glorious. It was beautiful. And she ran from any awkwardness that could have crashed that memory. But the result is the same, Colin left in a muddle of his brain & bits short circuiting while she Cinderella'd the fuck out if there.

Exhibit 4.

Under the Willows:

The boy is all tangled up in his underpants after the kiss, so this one wasn't too hard. But he barely said even one truly honest thing that he wished to say before she was just goooone. And again, sad boy left looking confused af.

Exhibit 5.

The Day of Francesca & John's wedding:

Penelope exits their bedroom fully dressed, gloriously cool and unbothered. She lets Colin know that she is going to see her mother and spare him the carriage ride with her to Bridgerton House and is gone before he can even say a word. He looks so wistful and puzzled and like he had so much he was ready to say. And this time, THIS TIME, he does something about it. He goes and rereads her letters.

Mad respect to Pen for these swift exits. As a woman who has also employed it when mad at or uncomfortable with someone... it's such a power move. Whether or not it helped any of the situations? Ehhh, but still, damned satisfying to leave the man who hurt you just hanging to twist in the wind sometimes.

[selineram3421]

*has a little idea* I've gotta listen to brain commands.

First Day

Alastor and Child Reader

Warning! ⚠

⚠ implied murder, mention of kidnapping, mention of heart attack, shake of head=no, fake crying lol, italic red=Alastor's thoughts ⚠

Alastor didn't understand why some demons worried over the little children that ran amuck in Hell.

That is until he adopted one himself.

Small, wide eyed, and frail looking. Of course he'd worry after a glance. But after seeing the pile of dead bodies beneath their feet, it seemed like there wasn't too much to worry about.

So all he had to do was teach them how to make others fear them. Especially after the whole kidnapping fiasco with Valentino.

And what better timing than their first day of school.

.

You were playing around in the hotel.

Most of it was following Husk around and scaring the other hotel guests. But then Charlie told Alastor the number of complaints from guests about you and your pranks.

"They are absolutely harmless! What's a little scare going to do?", the deer demon said.

"Someone had a heart attack.", Vaggie piped in.

"Nuh-uh!", you popped up out of nowhere, making the two females jump in surprise. "That frog demon croaked! He's just mad that I made him make a funny sound."

The blonde sighs before holding out a flyer to the red dressed demon.

"Look, I know you're just having fun but not all demons think its funny.", she tells you before looking at Alastor. "There's a school for demon children not too far from the hotel, maybe they can meet demons their age and make friends?"

After dinner you and Alastor sat down on the couch in the hotel room and read through the flyer.

"I don't want to go.", you pouted.

"Don't worry my little terror, we'll think of something.", he booped your nose. "Perhaps we can use this as training!"

"Training?", you repeated.

"Yes! We'll use this as an opportunity!", Alastor said as he stood from the couch, turning to hold out a hand for you to take. "Come little one, there's much I have to teach you."

.

"Remember what I taught you little one!", Alastor says, fixing their coat. "Anything can be a weapon..."

"With enough force and creativity!", they said confidently.

"Correct!", his smile brightened. "Now, let's go show the ladies that you are a proper demon with manners so they feel bad for sending you out. Remember to look sad."

"Hmhmm!", the nod again before taking a deep breath, putting on their sad face and looking down at the floor.

"Perfect.", he approved before leading them by the hand down to the lobby.

Both of the girls were waiting by the entrance doors to say their goodbyes to the little demon.

"We are ready!", Alastor announces.

"Hey! We got them a-", Charlie starts before noticing the little demon's sad face. "..lunch box."

Vaggie squints at them but doesn't say anything.

Though the Radio Demon can see that his little one's sad face is affecting her as well, the moth demon clenching her fists.

"Now, what do we say mon petit?", the deer demon pats their back.

"I'm..", they say but don't look up yet. "I'm sorry for being bad and I'll go to school so..", finally they look up at the girls with little tears starting to well up. "Please don't be mad anymore."

Charlie is obviously affected the most and looks over at her partner, receiving a shake of the head from the white haired demon in response.

The princess takes a breath before handing over the lunch box to the little demon. "Its only for a little bit, alright?"

"Ok..", they say, still keeping up with the act before turning to face him. "Bye Alastor."

"It won't be for long, don't worry.", he 'reassures' them. "I'll pick you up when school is out."

They nod before hugging his side.

He pats them on the head before waving them goodbye as they walk out of the hotel and to the school bus.

Bidding the ladies adieu, Alastor lets his smile widen after turning away from the two, wondering how his little demon will cause chaos.

I can't wait to hear all about it~

*wipes away tears after typing out the fake crying* I was that child huh.

~Seline, the person.

Part 2

Taglist@

@willowaudreykeyes @kiraisastay @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @scary-noodlesblog @naelys-the-aster @ducky-died-inside @biromanticboba @+?

ML for Alastor🎙

[fangirl-writes]

The Fall

JJ Maybank x Reader; Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warning(s): swearing, drugs, mentions of child abuse, assault.

12K Words.

Request can be found here.

Summary: When JJ takes the fall for you, you're determined to break even, even if that includes sacrificing yourself to the kooks. But there's more to it than that. This is the story of a deal, a debt, and more complicated feelings than you can handle.

Notes: Babes this is a behemoth. I think it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written (which is why I’ve been dead for months lmao) but I wanted to tell the story the request was asking for in a proper way and I think I did. Here we are.

In hindsight, you could’ve handled it better.

But if there was anything to know about you, it was that you're reckless and that nobody messes with your friends.

Especially not Pope.

It was just karma, right?

Just karma when Topper’s 2020 Malibu luxury boat sank like a brick to the bottom of the dock.

But no, as JJ would say, this was war.

You didn’t think they’d find out. Didn’t think charges would be pressed. And you definitely didn’t think they’d blame Pope for it.

“Hey, Pope,” Heyward said, coming into the shop where the group of you (minus John B. because where the heck was he anyway?) were packing groceries. “There’s someone here to see you.”

Pope straightened immediately upon seeing Shoupe enter behind his dad.

“Evening officer.”

“I have an arrest warrant for felony destruction of property,” Shoupe said.

Pope looked back at you and JJ with horror in his eyes.

“Keep your hands on the counter where I can see them.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” you protested.

“Shoupe what’d he do?”

Shoupe pulled Pope’s hands behind his back, “take a look at the warrant, Heyward.”

Your heartbeat sped up as you took in the situation, Kiara, JJ, and Heyward protesting over each other, Pope’s expression more scared by the second as they hauled him out towards the squad car.

And you made a decision.

Hang the consequences; hang your college career and whatever else you had to deal with. This was your fault.

You opened your mouth to admit it, to tell Shoupe the truth of the matter, but before you could get a word out, JJ’s hand covered your mouth, pulling you back and gesturing for you to stay quiet.

You shook your head slightly, searching his face for a reason.

He gave you a sad, tight lipped smile, and turned away.

“It wasn’t him!”

Your heart sank as you realized what JJ was about to do.

“It was me.”

Tears welled up in your eyes. “JJ, please-“

“No, Y/N, it’s okay,” he replied. “They tried to talk me out of it, but I was mad because he’d just been beaten up. And I was so fed up with those assholes from Figure 8 that I just lost my shit.”

It was the whole story. Word for word the truth…except that it was you and not him.

Pope looked at you and then at JJ.

“I can’t let you take the blame for something I did.”

JJ looked back at you and then Pope. “You’ve just got too much to lose.”

“JJ, what are you doing?” Pope asked.

“I’m telling the truth,” he replied. “For once in my goddamn life, I’m gonna tell the truth.”

You looked at Kiara, then at Pope, then at JJ.

Why? Why was he doing this?

“I took his old man’s boat, too.”

“What the hell?” Heyward said.

“JJ, come on-“ you said, taking a step forward.

“Just shut up, Y/N!” JJ said, voice so loud it made you curl away. “Just shut up.”

The tears began to fall.

“He’s a good kid,” JJ said to Shoupe. “You know where I’m from.”

Shoupe eyed him before replying, “yeah.”

“It’s just all me.”

You couldn’t let JJ do this, but if you came forward now everything would unravel and Pope would surely be hauled in regardless.

So, it was over.

You let JJ take the fall for you, watching him be carted away like the criminal that he wasn’t.

“I’m gonna kill him for this,” you said.

You’d know JJ for almost as long as you’d known Pope.

The two of you crossing over with JJ and John B. in fourth grade and the rest was history. You were mirrors in a way; John B. and Pope the more level-headed, less impulsive two, while you and JJ were more reckless, more stupid.

Pope always told you it was going to get you in trouble one day.

Your family thought the same.

You had a foul mouth, delinquent friends, a weed habit that was consistently enabled, and anger issues that probably needed put in check.

Hence the revenge plot.

But then there was JJ. The other side of your coin, your enabler, your partner in crime. It always worked out and he always assured you it would. And you always believed him.

But not this time.

When JJ showed up to Midsummers, where you were helping out Pope and Heyward, you went after him.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“Woah, hey, Y/N. No, ‘thanks for saving my ass, JJ, you’re so hot for that’?”

“Don’t. Not now.”

He chuckled uncomfortably as you took his face in your hands.

A busted lip he’d already had, though the blood was fresh, but the bruises littering his face and upper body were all new.

“Did Luke do this to you?” You hissed. “Did that asshole rough you up for a thing you didn’t do?”

“I’m fine! Look, he was just pissed about the money-“ JJ said, a waver in his voice.

“What money?”

“Restitution. I’ve gotta pay for what I broke. 30k.”

“30k?!” You squeaked.

“Shh!” JJ said, hands on your shoulders. “Look I’m on a mission here and you’re gonna blow my cover.”

“What? JJ, we’ve gotta talk about this. I’ve been worried sick-“

“Sick? You don’t look sick.”

“Stop! JJ, god! I should never have let you do that, I should’ve spoke up-“

“Y/N!” Your face in his hands, JJ scared you silent for the second time that day. “Shut up, okay? Trust me. Trust. Me.”

Pope was there next, hugging JJ and blabbering just as you had been, but JJ shut him down.

“John B. and I got it all sorted out,” he said. “We’re gonna be filthy rich. We’re back in the G-game, baby.”

“What?” You hissed quietly. “We’re still on the gold thing?”

“I thought we lost the G-game,” Pope said.

“Yeah, well, we’re in overtime now.”

Your head was spinning. Between the restitution and the gold and JJ’s bruised face, you wanted to go back in time. Change the outcome and maybe you’d be the one who took the fall for once.

Maybe for once you could’ve protected JJ.

“Be right back,” he said. “I’ll explain later.”

You watched him go, confused and worried.

“What the hell is he talking about?”

Ignoring Pope, you followed JJ, watching him pass off a note to Sarah before getting intercepted by Rafe and Kelce.

"I'm wonderin' if you could get me a mai tai, my friend?"

"Yeah, pogue, how about you make that two?"

"Well, I'm on the clock right now. You guys look spiffy," JJ replied. "You know, uh, I got a couple of orders ahead of you, so why don't you guys go ahead and wait by the bar?"

No. No, no, no, no, no. You wouldn’t let this happen again.

"Until then, help yourself to some hors d’oeuvres."

"Oh yeah?" Rafe said, motioning to a few more kooks. "Hey guys, JJ's gonna serve us some hors d’oeuvres."

JJ began to backpedal, running out of the situation and you hurriedly followed.

It was quite a scene, JJ running through the Island Club, the kook guys chasing him, and you chasing them.

“Hey, man, what’re you doing in the locker room, huh?”

JJ immediately turned around and tried to head the way he came, but he was surrounded.

“Wow, that’s a cute outfit,” JJ said, stumbling into Rafe.

“Shut up,” Rafe replied, shoving him into Kelce.

“Hold him still. What do you think? A four iron, right?” Rafe said, adjusting his hands like he was holding a golf club. “Keep his head still, I’m gonna line this up.”

“Very Rafe of you, Rafe,” JJ spat, struggling to breathe. “Five on one?”

"Now, would you please stop talking?" Rafe replied with a smirk. “It’s very disrespectful when I’m trying to hit a ball. Learn your etiquette my friend.”

"Rafe!"

A surprised pause washed over the locker room as you slid into view.

"Oh, another pogue to the rescue," Rafe said. "You gotta have girls save you now, JJ? Tut, tut."

"Rafe." You repeated sternly. "Let him go."

"Oh, no shot, milkmaid," he replied, leaning down at JJ. "Your face looks really bad. Starting to look like your dad a lot more.”

JJ spit in his face.

Rafe laughed, wiping it away with ease, looking almost impressed. “Oh, shit! See, now I'm even less inclined to let him go."

"Rafe!" you swallowed. "You let him go...and you can have me."

"What?" Rafe asked.

"What?!" JJ protested, struggling harder against Kelce.

Rafe stalked towards you. "Now, why would I want you?"

"Cause you always have," you said. "And" - you leaned closer to him, voice a whisper - "if you don't, I'll tell your dad exactly where all his money has been going."

You'd found Rafe's stash of dope multiple times back when you worked for the Camerons as a maid alongside your mom.

You never ratted, never had a reason to, until now.

"You know he'll believe me."

Rafe's eyes narrowed.

"Now let him go."

A beat, a standoff.

And Rafe snapped his fingers.

Kelce dropped JJ, who coughed and stumbled towards you.

"Okay, Y/N, we're even now, you saved me, let's go."

You smiled at him. "We're not even yet."

Before he could ask what you meant, the lights started flickering and you let out a sigh of relief as security entered the room.

“Gentlemen,” he said. “Is there a problem here, guys?”

“Oh! Pardon me, officer. No there’s not an issue, I just-” JJ said before starting over. “Actually, yes. No, there is an issue.”

You watched JJ get to work. He could talk himself out of a situation better than anyone you knew.

“Uh, we got a criminal trespass in progress here. Beep! Call it in, right? Blatant disrespect for private property,” JJ said.

The kooks looked like they wanted to react, but they wouldn’t so they wouldn’t get in trouble with their daddies.

"As you can see, I’m in violation of all kinds of shit, sir. But these young gentleman...”

JJ straightened Kelce’s collar.

“...uh, caught me, sir, and they’re about to take me away. And that’s what you should do, escort me outta here. All right.”

Security, not caring enough to refute JJ’s bullshit of a story, did as requested and led him out of the room.

“Fix that tie, son,” JJ said, one last quip. “You’re lookin’ spiffy, too. You Powerpuff Girls have fun. Y/N, come on.”

But you didn't move. Rafe's hands falling on your arms, his head hovering too close to your face. "I'll take good care of her, JJ, don't you worry. She's pretty hot for a pogue!"

“JJ, don’t!” You said but he’d already ripped himself away and went back to fight.

Thankfully, the security guard was there to separate them all again.

"Y/N!"

You felt your stomach dip as he called for you but you didn't move.

"Let's go guys," Rafe demanded, motioning for all his buddies to exit the room. Then he whispered in your ear. "I knew you'd come crawling to me eventually."

It sent a shiver up your spine.

Truth was, back in the day, you didn't think Rafe was so bad.

Maybe it was because it was always within earshot of his dad, but he'd always been nice to you when you worked for his family. Especially after you ran across his stash.

Course, it wasn't long after that that your family got the boot as apparently the Camerons decided having a maid was too bougie for them.

You always suspected he was the reason, but you don't have any proof of that.

And now, well, how does a poor person get 30k?

Maybe the lottery, maybe life insurance.

Or maybe they steal it.

It was just karma right? For all the years that the kooks had been giving pogues a hard time.

And the Camerons probably wouldn't even notice a little 30k was gone.

Right?

--

JJ was pacing at Rixon's cove.

The group had gone over the plan, where the gold was, the fight about Sarah.

"Just shut up, Kiara!" JJ shouted.

They all looked at him with wide eyes.

"Look, if we can meet with Sarah, maybe she can tell me if- maybe she can tell me where-"

"JJ, you're scaring us, bro, what is it?"

"It's Y/N."

"What?"

"JJ, where's Y/N?" Pope said.

"She gave herself up for me man!" JJ cried. "It was some eye for an eye bullshit, I told her we were even but she wouldn't listen! Now she's probably being Rafe's chew toy or something."

"Okay, gross."

"I'm serious! You didn't see the way he was looking at her, man. Like she was a piece of meat. I gotta go, I gotta save her-"

"Woah, JJ," John B. intercepted his friend. "You're gonna go running back into the lion's den? The only thing this is going to do is get Y/N and you into more trouble. We'll save, Y/N, I promise. And if she's at the Camerons' then Sarah there too and she won't let anything happen to Y/N."

He was distraught. "JB, you don't understand-"

"JJ," John B. said. "She's gonna be okay."

--

"You're better off without her man, trust me, I live with the bitch," Rafe said, arm thrown around you in Topper's car.

"Rafe, don't call your sister a bitch, man, come on," Topper replied.

"Yo, I'll call her whatever I want man. All right?"

You couldn't figure Topper out.

One minute he was nearly drowning John B. and the next he was defending Sarah's honor.

Seriously, what was his deal? Friend or fo?

"Come on, bro. Drink up, all right?" Kelce encouraged from the passenger.

"You really think you should be drinking and driving?" You asked, trying to grab the beer from Topper's hold but Rafe pulled you back.

"Ah, ah, ah, little pogie," he said. "Only speak when spoken to."

You glared at him.

"I gotta see her, man," Topper said. "We're not...we're not good right now."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up. Shut up, dude. Bad idea, muchacho," Rafe said.

"Just stick with the bevo, all right?" Kelce said.

You felt like a guppy surrounded by sharks.

"If you go there now, there is a high likelihood you go fetal," Rafe continued.

"Exactly."

"I'm not- I'm not going fetal," Topper argued.

"All right. It's your funeral." Rafe said. "It's your funeral."

Topper pulled up to the Camerons’ and got out, heading for the house.

"While we have the time," Rafe said. "How about we hammer out the details of our little deal here?"

"What deal?" You snapped.

"The deal where I lay off JJ and you stay here, with me."

"Oh-kay, I'm getting out," Kelce said, popping open the passenger door and bailing from the car.

"There is no deal, Rafe," you said. "You let JJ go and I'm here. That's all there is to it."

"No, no, no," Rafe replied, tightening his hold on you. "You said I could have you. That means you're mine now."

You sucked in a breath. "You're drunk. And probably high."

"I wouldn't blow at a party full of socialites all right? I'm not crazy."

Debatable.

"You on the other hand, I would love to see blow," he said, tugging on your chin.

Your face contorted with disgust as you pushed his hand off you.

He chuckled. "All right, we'll lead up to that. I'm sure you'll want it eventually."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you're here right now, aren't you?" he said. "If you detested me as much as you act like you do, you wouldn't have gotten in this car."

Okay. True.

But he didn't know what you were really there for. In fact, he couldn't know. If he knew, you'd probably be arrested or worse.

And you needed to get that money.

"Fine. I'm yours," you said. "For now."

He smiled. "I could get used to hearing that. Come on, I'm not waiting on Topper."

He popped open the door and the two of you jumped out. He slung his arm back around your shoulders. "Bye, Kelce."

"Don't have too much fun, you two," he said back.

Rafe flipped him off as you guys entered the house.

"Rafe!" Ward came around the corner. His eyebrows going up at the sight of you. "And Ms. Y/N. I haven't seen you in a while, how are you? How's your mom?"

"We're both doing good, thanks," you replied, giving him an awkward smile.

He glanced between you. "So. Are you two-"

"Night, dad." Rafe said, pulling you along behind him and up the stairs.

"Hey, Rafe, no funny business! I'm serious, young man!" Ward called after you.

You couldn't help but laugh a little, despite the situation.

Rafe looked back at you and smirked.

He opened the door to his room.

It looked exactly as you remembered it, albeit messier.

"Sorry, didn't have time to clean up," he said, milling about the room as you took it in. "I'm sure you're dying for a hit."

You looked over to find him offering you a joint.

"Don't worry, it's just weed, I promise."

Though you weren't exactly inclined to believe him, you weren't in much of a situation to argue, so you took it.

Pulling a lighter out of your pocket, you lit the joint and took a drag.

It was almost muscle memory, having done the exact motion with JJ a number of times before.

Your stomach lurched.

JJ. What was he thinking right now? Was he okay?

You looked up and choked on the blunt smoke.

Rafe had taken off his shirt and was digging through his dresser for something.

You coughed into your hand, waving away the smoke and avoiding looking at him again. Shit. Had he always been attractive? Was that wrong to think?

"You, uh, want some clothes to change into, or?"

You looked at him again; he'd put a shirt on and at some point had changed into plaid pants.

"Uh, no, thanks I'm- I'm good," you replied, passing him the joint back.

He took a drag of it before stabbing it out in an ashtray near by, blowing the smoke through his nose.

He sat down on the bed next to you, sighing. He swayed a little, the alcohol and weed making its way through his system and relaxing him.

"If I tell you something," he started. "You promise you won't tell anyone else?"

JJ always said you had this way about you. A way that made people trust you, to believe you'd keep their secrets. Still, Rafe's sudden need to confide in you took you by surprise.

"I never told your dad about the drugs..."

"You can't use this against me," he said, looking you in the eyes. "You have to promise."

He was scaring you a little but, the intesity in his eyes a kind of seriousness you'd never seen before.

Cockiness, confidence, anger, even fear, but this was something new.

"I promise."

There was silence for a few moments as he hesitated, eyebrows knit together like he was thinking hard about what to say.

You were about to say something, ask him what it was, when-

"I'm scared."

You blinked. Of all the things he could have said, you were probably expecting that the least.

"Of what?" you asked.

"Of- Of-" he laughed breathily. "Of everything. That I've disappointed my dad. That I've ruined my life. That I'm spiraling out of control."

He put his head between his knees, running his fingers through his hair.

You weren't sure what to say. You didn't know him enough to reassure him none of it was true. To try to ease his fears. And, truth be told, you didn't like him enough to lie to him about it.

"I'm just...I don't know what to do."

A swell of pity trembled through you. Pity for the boy who's had a silver spoon in his mouth his whole life.

Who beat Pope with a golf club just because he was a pogue.

The pity morphed into anger.

You wanted to scream at him, tell him just what you thought about him and his fears.

But, then again, you were a pogue. If he beat up Pope for just walking by, what would he do to you if you did?

Swallowing the anger, you reached out and rubbed his back, soothingly.

If you could just pretend for a night that he was your friend, that he wasn't a total asshole, then you could get what you came here for. And, hopefully, never have to be alone with him again.

Rafe reached up, taking one of your hands in his. "Thank you," he said, squeezing it.

He sniffed, shifting his body so that he was facing you.

"I'm sorry. For dumping all that on you, you don't need that. You probably hate my guts anyway," he said.

You didn't reply.

"Then again," he said. "You're not running away screaming. Why is that?"

You licked your lips nervously, silent.

"Just this morning you would've spat in my face but you were willing to come here with me just to save your friend. And your still here. Why?"

"I'm a woman of my word," you said. "I said you could have me, remember?"

Rafe hummed. "And now?" his hand came up to brush along your cheek. "Can I have you now?"

The action fizzled out the anger from before and you felt your cheeks heat up.

What could you say?

Well, "no" probably would've been sufficient. Still, there was a lingering curiosity that ate at you as he leaned closer, eyes trained on your lips.

It was wrong, wasn't it? To wonder what it was like?

"I'm gonna need an answer here," Rafe said before repeating. "Can I have you now?"

The word left your lips before you could think about it. "Yes."

Then his lips were on yours. Softly, more gently than you ever would've imagined it, like he was savoring the moment, like he wasn't thinking at all.

He tasted like weed and beer, as you should've expected, but it strangely wasn't unpleasant.

It reminded you of JJ, who you kissed once before, drunkely at a beach blowout.

Neither of you talked about it afterwardds, but something in your dynamic had shifted after that.

Was thinking about JJ while kissing Rafe weird? Surely a girl shouldn't be thinking about someone else while kissing a guy.

I mean, surely Sarah wasn't thinking about someone else while kissing Topper-

Oh.

Oh.

You pulled away, resting your hands on Rafe's chest.

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

"No, no," Rafe said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay, I gave you permission-"

"You're just in my room and I-"

You both took a pause and a breath.

You sighed. "I just- uh- I don't know if I'm into you like that."

"Oh."

He seemed disappointed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." he said, in a tone that told you it wasn't. "It's late. I can take you home if you want, or you can stay here. We've got a bunch of guest rooms-"

"Can I," you interrupted. "Just sleep on the floor? In here?"

Something about sleeping in one of the Cameron's fancy bedrooms when you were planning on stealing from them seemed extra wrong.

"Uh, sure," Rafe said. "Whatever you want."

There are only three types of relationships in the animal kingdom.

The first is commensalism. Fish finding hiding spots in coral reefs, but life for the coral doesn't change.

It was your family moving to Outer Banks. It was the winding trees at the chateu that you climbed often.

Then, there's mutualism, a relationship where both animals benefit from each other.

It was your friendship with the pogues. It was what JJ's sacrifice was going to be when you got the money.

And third, the parasitic.

"This is your room," Sarah said as John B. walked into it, eyes a little wide.

"Woah," he said, then tossed his hat on the bed and set down his bag full of everything he owned. Which was, admittedly, not much.

"Not too shabby, huh?" Sarah said.

"Yeah. Not too shabby at all."

"John B!" You came flying down the hall and into his new room, practically jumping into his arms.

"Y/N! AH- bruises, wrist, please-" he said.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry," you replied, backing away. "You okay?"

"Yeah. No, I'm good. I'm good."

You'd woken up that morning on Rafe's floor to about a thousand texts and calls on your now fully-charged phone telling you what happened at the hawk's nest.

Rafe had been the one to let you know, begrudgingly, that John B. would be staying at Tannyhill.

"Sarah Elizabeth Cameron," Ward said, coming around the corner. "And Ms. Y/N."

You gave him a respectful nod.

"You've already broken the first rule. What is the first rule?" Ward asked. "Stay out of each other's rooms."

You smiled.

"Seriously, this is like a minefield," he said, gesturing to the line at the doorframe. "Y/N, I can count on you to keep them in line?"

You mock saluted. "Yes, sir."

"Good," he said, pausing a moment. "Ladies, can you give me and the new inmate a quick minute here?"

"Oh, sure."

"Please be nice," Sarah asked.

"I'll be nice," Ward replied as the two of you left, walking down the hallway together.

The tension thickened immediately.

"So," Sarah started. "You and my brother, huh? What's that about?"y

Honestly, you weren't even sure yourself, but you gave her your most convicing smile. "I guess I kinda like him."

She didn't seem to be buying it. "I'm just saying, if you're doing this to prove a point or to get back at some pogue who hurt you. Stop."

You scowled. "And what about you and John B., huh? Last I heard you were dating Topper. He get too boring for you? Have you even broken up with him because last night-"

"Why don't you just stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours? Deal?" she snapped.

You rolled your eyes but nodded and she turned her cold shoulder into her room, leaving you alone in the hall.

You heard Ward leave John B.'s room so you swung back around and into it.

He looked up from the map in his lap and folded it over immedaitely.

"Okay, what the hell," he said. "Seriously, Y/N, you and Rafe?"

"Look, I'm not doing this because I want to, okay?" you said, voice barely above a whisper. "JJ took a fall for me and I need to pay him back."

"By stealing from the Camerons?" John B. asked, tensly. "Do you realize how insane that sounds?"

"Well, unless you have a less crazy way to get 30k in my hands, this is it," you replied.

"The gold, Y/N, we're going to get the gold."

"You and I both know the gold is a longshot!"

"And this isn't?"

"Let me try this, JB, and if you find the gold before I find some money, let me know," You said, turning to leave before pausing in the doorway. "And, please, don't tell JJ what I'm doing. We both know what he'd do."

John B. knew JJ best. And you were right.

"My lips are sealed," he promised, reluctantly.

—

"I'm sorry. You're staying where?" Kiara asked, later at The Wreck.

"Tannyhill," John B. replied, matter-of-factly.

"So you're living with Sarah Cameron."

John B. rolled his eyes. "Okay, look, the only reason I'm living there is because her dad bailed me out, right? And it's way better than foster care, which, by the way, is where I was about to go.”

"Hey, so do you have a membership to the clubs now?" Pope asked, ignoring Kiara's expression.

"I don't know, Pope."

"What about those golf carts they drive around? You get one of them?" JJ asked.

"Does it come with a sweatervest, or do you have to buy one on your own?"

"Look, you promised," Kiara said. "You said you weren't with her."

"Bro, just own it," JJ said. "She got you."

"Look, if you wanna hang out with her, that's fine," Kiara said in a tone that indicated it was, in fact, not fine. "But I'm letting you know now that I'm not doing anything with Sarah."

"Do you guys see her here?" John B. asked.

"Don't see Y/N either," JJ said, pouting. "God, I can't believe she's still with Rafe. It's making my blood boil."

"She's fine, JJ," John B. said. "A little focus would be fantastic."

And while the pogues went on their treasure hunt, you went on yours.

Sarah was downstairs and Rafe had split before you woke up, leaving you a note that said where he'd gone.

It was kinda sweet.

And it made you feel kinda guilty when you snooped around his room.

You found the usual apparel; porn magazines, old drug paraphernalia, socks you didn't even think about touching. But you didn't find any money.

You groaned, falling back onto his bed. Shit. Okay.

You poked your head out the door, looking around to make sure no one was there, then you crept from Rafe's room to a few other rooms.

The ones that weren't locked, you came up empty. But the last door seemed promising.

It was Ward's office, that much was clear, judging by the big desk and bigger painting.

Your eyebrows raised.

Well, where in all the movies did the rich people hide their safes? Behind paintings.

You crept inside casually, in case anyone was in there. You could fake needing to ask Ward or Rose a question if you had to, and you could play off Wheezie easily.

But, the room was empty.

You closed the door quietly behind you, locking it in hopes that if anyone tried to come in, you'd be able to escape or find a hiding spot before they could get in.

You beelined for the painting, wanting this to be as quick and quiet as possible.

Just as you suspected, the painting was on hinges and, when you pulled it open, there was the safe.

Okay. Step one, done. Now step two.

If you were Ward Cameron, what would your safe code be? A kid’s birthday surely, but which kid?

You dug through Ward's desk, trying to find a notebook with passwords, a scrap of paper with it written down, a calendar with birthdays in it, anything, but nada.

So, you had to venture down the stairs and hope there was something down there that would help you.

Peaking over the banister, you didn't see anyone, so you crept silently down. Praying no one would hear you.

It would be uber weird to ask Sarah what her birthday was if you ran into her and it's not like she was your biggest fan anyway.

"Hey."

You froze, hearing Topper's voice from somewhere to your right.

"Hey, how's John B? Is he- is he doin' all right?"

"Like you give a shit."

You let out a breath, realizing he was talking to Sarah.

Making sure to avoid that room, you crept on.

"You realize I did not push him. He lost his balance and fell."

"Don't lie."

You slid open drawers, digging through as quietly as possible for a key, a code, even a little cash.

"He fell against the rail. Not my fault."

"That is messed up."

You peaked in another office, finding Rose's checkbook on the desk. And damn it, a check would not work. They'd know.

And you couldn't forge the signature of somebody who's signature you'd never seen.

"You forget about us, like- midsummers was supposed to be our- our coming-out party. That was supposed to be something special, right?"

"What does it matter, Topper? We're in high school, it's not like we're getting married."

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the conversation was getting heated. And, since Topper already pushed John B. off a tower, you wanted to be able to step in if you thought he was going to do anything to her.

However cold she felt about you.

So, you hid in an adjacent room and listened.

"I don't care anymore, Topper. I can't be with you, not after last night."

"Oh, after last night? You wanna talk about last night?" Topper said. "Did you forget the part where you cheated on me? Huh? Did you forget about that? You're a slut! You know that? You're a slut!"

"Watch your mouth when you talk about my daughter!" You heard Ward shout, the words nearly shaking the wall between them and you.

"Your daughter's banging a Pogue-"

Your breath caught as Topper's sentence was cut off by choking noises. Was- was Ward choking Topper?

You held your breath as he forced Topper out, the sound of him starting his car and taking off breaking through the silence.

You were shaking, trying your best not to panic as you heard Sarah cry and Ward comfort her.

That wasn't just overprotectiveness. That was a pure kind of rage. Ward was a man who would kill to get what he wanted and do it without blinking an eye.

And Rafe-

Fuck. What had you gotten yourself into.

—

John B. was wondering the same thing after Kiara stormed out.

"It'll be cool, right?" Sarah said icily. "I'm gonna leave."

"Sarah, don't-"

"Let y'all chat."

"Hey, hey, Sarah," JJ said, catching up to her before she split. "Is um- have you seen Y/N? Is she okay, or?"

Sarah scoffed. "I don't know why your pogue friend has been fucking my brother, but feel free to tell her to stop," she bit and JJ backed off.

You- you were fucking Rafe?

—

Well, no, you weren't. Actually you were scrolling through your phone, trying to forget what happened earlier, when Rafe came back.

"Hey, stranger, why didn't you-" you stopped, noticing the look on his face as he leaned against the door. "Are you okay?"

He had a scared look on his face, a burn on his arm. The look in his eyes resembled the way JJ always looked after-

You remembered Ward from before. The image of his hands around Topper's neck.

You got up from the bed, walking over to him and putting your hands on his shoulders, making him look you in the eyes. It was a gesture you'd done with the pogue boys for forever. When something was bothering them, it got them to spill their guts.

Rafe, it seemed, was no different.

He told you everything. The money he owed, the watch he was going pawn, the look on his dad's face when he was caught.

They were going to get Barry the money tonight. And then it would be over.

But the way he looked told you he knew it wouldn't be over. That something was different this time.

You hugged him.

You hugged the classist asshole.

Fuck. Truly, what had you gotten yourself into.

Rafe sent you home long before him and Ward went to settle the debt.

But he made sure to text you afterwards and let you know what had happened. "Don't come home" were the words that rang in his ears.

And made your heart ache.

"I can't let you stay with me, I'm sorry," you said over the phone.

"That's fine, I got friends. I'll figure it out."

"Good to hear," you said, closing the door of your car and heading for the chateau.

An urgent text from John B. got to you this morning that said: WE DID IT. COME TO CHATEAU ASAP.

"Hey, I gotta go, talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied and you hung up.

"HEY YOU GUYS!" you shouted, quoting The Electric Company to draw your friends out of the woodwork.

They came out in surprising pairs. Sarah and Kiara jumped out of the Twinkie and Pope and John B. turned away from a machine they were wrenching on.

"Y/N!"

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

"Long time no see, sister."

"Hey guys," you said with a laugh, accepting the hugs given and the pogue handshake from Pope. "Where's-"

"Nice of you to finally join us," JJ called from the porch. "Having too much fun with your new fuck buddy to see your friends?"

"Oh-kay, I think we should leave you two alone," John B. said, grabbing Pope by the shoulders, whistling and jerking his head towards the house to get the girls to follow.

JJ set down what was in his hands and headed towards you.

"Look, JJ-"

"No, you don't get to go first," he said. "I saved your ass. You saved mine. We were supposed to be even, squared out. But you just, what? Decided that Rafe Cameron was more interesting than us? He got a big dick or something, please enlighten me on why you've been gone all this time."

"JJ, I told you at midusmmers that we weren't square, okay? You have a price hanging over you-"

"So, you decided to ditch? We were looking for a way to settle that and you're galavanting at Tannyhill doing whoknowswhat or, well I guess we do know who you're doing-"

You slapped him. Clean across the face and loud.

Had you been within earshot, you would've heard the other pogues (who were spying on you through the front windows) gasp and let out a few "oh shit"s.

"You don't get to slutshame me for shit I didn't even do, all right?" You retorted. "Nothing happened between me and Rafe. Nothing."

"Yeah, well, somehow I don't believe that."

"Well, fuck you, JJ. I was doing this for you. I was going to steal from the Camerons to pay off your debt and if they found out-" you paused, a look flashing in your eyes. "But yeah, fine, I guess you already found the gold. And you're gonna pawn it right? Here in OBX? Like that isn't the stupidest thing you can do."

"What's the alternative? Wait for Rafe to kill his dad for you so you can get the inheritence? Hate to break it to you, Y/N, but your pussy probably isn't that good."

It was stupid. The whole argument was stupid but JJ was hurt and the idea of you with Rafe Cameron made his skin crawl.

"You know what, I don't need this. Have a nice life JJ and good luck with your restitution."

Regret flooded over him. "Y/N, wait-"

"No, JJ, sorry, you don't get to be forgiven that quick," You said, heading back to your car. "And for the record, Rafe Cameron has been nicer to me today than you have. And that's really fucking sad."

You slammed your door closed and started your car, taking off.

JJ watched you go. He knew he deserved it. He deserved every word you could've thrown his way, but watching you leave was worse than anything you could've said.

And what killed him even more was that he knew that he had driven you right into Rafe's arms.

He was at a country club with Topper and Kelce, Topper was licking his wounds and the boys were joking when you pulled up.

"Y/N, nice to see you again," Kelce said as you walked up.

"Yeah, nice to see you, too," you replied as Rafe walked up to you.

"What're you doing here?" he asked.

You pecked him on the lips, catching him off-guard.

"Just- wanted to see you, I guess."

He smiled. "Good enough for me. And now we got even numbers for bags, you know how to play?"

You laughed. "Do I know how to play? I'm a pogue, remember? Pretty sure we invented this game."

Rafe looked like he was about to lean in and kiss you, but something over your shoulder caught his attention instead.

"Rafe Cameron!"

You followed his gaze. "Is that-"

"Stay here." Rafe said, walking over to where Barry was talking with a member of the staff, Topper and Kelce following.

"Like hell," you replied, chasing after them.

"Why's your whole family think I'm some bitch that they can shit on, man?" Barry asked. "First your dad kneecaps me in my house."

"You got your money," Rafe insisted.

"That ain't the point," Barry continued. "I'm asking you, what am I? Am I just some little bitch? Is that what your family looks at me like?"

"No. No." Rafe said.

"No, no," Barry mocked. "Okay, so then why is your little sister and her little surf rat friends running around stealing 25K out of my house Can you tell me that?"

"They did what?" You asked, coming closer to the conversation.

"Y/N, stay back," Rafe said. "My little sister robbed you?"

"Yeah, Sarah robbed me. That's why I'm here."

"She won't pick a dollar up off the street. What are you talking about?" Rafe said.

"Do I look dumb? You think I don't understand what's goin' on here?" Barry said. "'Cause I'm telling you right now, you better sort this out with your sister, or else I am. 'Cause I want my money."

Worry was building in your chest. You leave for one afternoon and suddenly the pogues had gotten themselves into a heap of trouble.

"Listen, I don't know what you're talking about," Rafe said. "Enlighten me."

"Enlighten you?" Barry said. "So, the pogues are all around Outer Banks stealin' shit out of everybody's house and you got no idea what I'm talking about? Your sister's involved in it."

"Sarah Cameron, home invader," Rafe said, disbelief evident in his voice. "You know how stupid-"

Barry threw Rafe off him, yelling angrily in his face. "That's 25K!"

Topper got in the middle, but just because he could take John B. doesn't mean he could take Barry.

"Sort this shit out with your sister," Barry demanded. "Imma get my money."

"Yes, of course," Rafe said.

"If it's not from you, it's from her. Remember that. I'll see you boys around."

Barry left, leaving you and Topper to hash things out with Rafe.

"What are you gonna do?" Topper asked.

"Nothing, it's not my problem," Rafe said.

"Rafe, that's your sister. Those are my friends!" you said.

"What are you gonna do?" Topper asked again.

Rafe spared a glance at you before making a decision. "All right, come on."

They got on their bikes and you got on behind Rafe. He handed you a spare helmet.

"You just keep this on hand?"

"Well, maybe I was hoping a certain someone would come riding with me soon," he replied.

You bit your lip and pulled the helmet on, then held his waist as he sped off in search of the pogues.

Worry and anger ate at you. They just had the gold and now they'd gotten themselves in trouble with a drug dealer? Where had it gone south? What stupid thing had they done?

This had JJ written all over it.

The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth but it was true.

He always did something wreckless after a fight with one of his friends.

After your first fight, he went cliff diving during a thunderstorm and the pogues had to rescue him from nearly drowning.

Nothing with more consequences than his own safety, but the pogues had gotten mixed up in something bigger than themselves this time. And a sinking pit in your stomach told you it might just get somebody killed for real.

John B. and Sarah were just cruising in the twinkie when you found them, Rafe recklessly cutting them off and causing John B. to hit the breaks before they hit him and you on the bike.

"Shit. No, no, no, no. John B.," Sarah said before her boyfriend could get the door open. "Let me handle him."

John B. watched as you took off your helmet, the look on your face more pissed than he'd ever seen you.

"And I'll hand her," he muttered.

You stormed up to the van. "Where's JJ? Is he in there?"

"He's not here, Y/N."

"What did he do? Were you there? Do you know he robbed a drug dealer?"

Another bike sped up towards you and John B. got out of the van to meet him.

"Don't ignore me, John B.!" You shouted.

"Come to try to kill me again, Top?" He asked, ignoring you.

You were fuming. Caught between arguments and not in any them. You wanted to shout, scream, punch, cry, but no one was giving you the opportunity.

"One day, I'm gonna be running the show, Sarah, and you're gonna wish that you were nicer to me then," Rafe said.

"Why don't you give me a save-the-date on that?" Sarah retorted. "You psycho."

Sarah shoulder checked you as she passed. "Nice to see you went crawling back to him, Y/N."

You glared. "Yeah, well, you guys didn't exactly give me much of a choice, huh?"

"Let's go, Y/N," Rafe said, tossing you your helmet and then putting on his own.

You looked back, giving John B. one last angry look before sitting behind Rafe and letting him take off.

"Well, that went well," John B. said, watching you go.

You'd been hanging around Rafe pretty much all after that. Dipping out of the pogues story for a while. Maybe forever. You weren't sure how you felt right now, besides betrayed and hurt.

Right now, Rafe was the only thing holding you together.

That and weed.

"Rafe!" Wheezie called out, causing you to choke on the hit you were taking. "And Y/N. Great."

"Wheeze, you don't need to be around this-"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone," she said, dropping her bag down.

"Uh, you want some or-"

"Rafe!" you protested.

"What?"

"She's thirteen!"

He gestured wildly like 'I don't know!'

"This crib is sweet," Wheezie said. "How'd you get the Gleason's to let you crash here?"

"Uh- I didn't tell them is how," he replied.

"Pogue trick," you joked, flashing her a peace sign.

"Keep a lid on it, please," Rafe asked.

"Only if you let me crash here whenever I want," Wheezie replied.

"They try and kick you out, too?"

"Worse," she replied. "I'm officially the least favorite daughter. Sarah and dad are going to the Bahamas and did they invite me? Nope."

"Bullshit," you said with a shake of your head.

It seemed like regular rich people shit to you, but it seeemed to catch Rafe's attention. "Wait, they're going to the Bahama house? In summer?"

"Yeah."

"You guys don't do that often?" you asked.

"Nah, usually only when it gets cold," Wheezie said. "But according to Rose 'it's business'."

You raised an eyebrow at Rafe's change in behavior.

"I mean, they're all up in some new development, and for some super-secret reason, they're going to the Bahamas," Wheezie said.

Rafe leaned forward. "You know, I- I know about, like… a billion times more about the business than she does. What- what is this?"

He stood up, hands running through his hair.

"We're the black sheep. Get used to it, Rafe," Wheezie said. "Baa."

"Shut up, okay?" Rafe said, becoming increasingly unravelled.

"Baa."

"Hey, shut up!" Rafe moves forward, grabbing his sister by the wrist. "Wheezie, I told you to shut up, okay?"

You moved then, standing between the two. "Rafe. You're high. Back off."

Wheezie moved around you and tossed a pile off cash at him "My life savings."

He dropped down to scoop it up.

You frowned. "Did he ask you for money?"

Wheezie shruggged.

"I'll pay her back," he said. "I know this looks really bad right now and everything, but like, I'm gonna- I'm gonna my shit together, okay?"

You wanted to believe him, but something about just now...

"I'm gonna get it tight, like, you know..." Rafe said, banging his fist on the table a few times. "Like, real tight. You'll see."

"Yeah..." you replied, turning to Wheezie. "Why don't you go look around? The Gleason's have some pretty cool shit."

Wheezie shurgged again, but took your suggestion and went inside.

"Okay, what the hell is going on with you?" you asked.

"She's taking my place!" Rafe shouted. "Perfect princess Sarah. I screw up one time and- and all that I've worked for! That's supposed to be mine!"

He threw everything on the table off of it, glass shattering around you.

"He can't do this! He kicks me out just to- just to give everything to her! She always gets everything!"

He paused, a crazed look in his eye. "But not this time."

He started backing up, heading towards the stairs. "Not this time!"

"Rafe!" You called after him, chasing him down the stairs. "Rafe wait!"

You ran up, grabbing his arm before he could get on his bike and he flung back and hit you.

You tumbled to the ground, hand on your face.

He stopped. "Oh my god, I didn’t mean- Y/N, you know I didn't mean to-"

He reached down to help you but you pushed him off.

"Don't touch me! Don't-" there were tears in your eyes and blood coming from your nose. "I thought you weren't but you're just like your dad, aren't you?"

He didn't respond, just stared at you.

"Aren't you?!" you yelled.

He took a few steps back and grabbed his bike. "Yeah. Yeah I am."

Then he was gone. Speeding off on that damn bike.

Call it anger, call it intuition, but you jumped in your car and followed him. All the way to the airstrip until your car couldn't follow any more. Then you stopped and bailed from your car, running after him at a much slower pace.

When you finally caught up-

Was that John B.? And Peterkin? Why was she on the ground-?

It registered quickly: the gun in Rafe's hand, Sarah's sobbing, the pressure John B. was putting on Peterkin's chest.

"Oh my god," you said before running out there. "John B.!"

He looked up. "Y/N! Call 911!"

Rafe immediately turned the gun towards you, making you freeze.

"Don't!" Ward stepped between the gun and you. "Rafe, I've got the radio, nobody else needs to get hurt, put the gun down."

He looked at you. "I can count on you not to do anything reckless here, right Y/N?"

You shakily put your phone back in your pocket.

"Good girl."

John B. stood up, making eye contact with you before backing towards the twinkie.

"Where do you think you're going, huh?" Rafe shouted as Ward held him back.

And John B. took off in a dead sprint towards the grass, you followed around the other way while the Camerons collided with each other.

Gunshots went off and you screamed, booking it towards John B. as fast as your legs would carry you. Through the trees and brush and dirt until John B. made it to the road-

And got hit by a car.

"Shit!" You shouted, slowing down enough to help him up and, much to the confusion of the driver, kept running.

"Where are we going?" You asked.

"Find the pogues," he replied.

By the time you did, well, you let John B. be the one to step out first.

"Dude! Dude, you good?" JJ said.

"Oh, my God! John B!" Kiara said.

They took him in, not seeing you at first.

"Is this yours?"

"Whose blood is that?"

"Y/N?" JJ said.

Sirens whirled behind you and you all ducked into the shed the pogues had been squatting in.

So. Turns out you missed a lot.

First off, Ward killed John B.'s father. John B. went on a tirade. Sarah didn't believe John B. The Camerons have the gold. Pope split from his interview.

And you were a traitor.

You'd left them because you were pissed and you actually thought Rafe Cameron had a heart.

And now, after Peterkin was dead, you're realizing you should've known all along.

"Hey, is that- do you have a bruise around your eye?" JJ asked later, when John B. had gone into the police station to tell them what had happened.

"Oh," you said, reaching up to feel it and wincing. "Yeah, I guess I do. Can thank good old Rafe Cameron for that one."

"He hit you?" JJ said. "No. Fuck that. I'll find his punk ass-"

"JJ," you said, grabbing his wrist. "Not now. Please."

He relented and sat down.

"I think I owe you guys an aplogy. I was so dumb for thinking Rafe was a good guy and I was just so mad. I missed out on this whole adventure..." you said.

"Don't worry, Y/N," Pope said. "Hasn't been all that great, to be honest."

You laughed lightly. "Thanks, Pope, appreciate that... Kie?"

Kiara sighed from the front seat. "I think I'm done holding grudges. Especially now." She turned in her seat to look at you. "And especially not to you."

You smiled at her.

"Kie, start the car!"

You all snapped to look at John B. running out of the station.

"Start the car!"

Chaos broke loose as Kie flooored it forward, two cops chasing after you, everyone shouting over each other until-

Silence.

The cops dropped off and John B. was breathing heavily.

"They think I did it," he said. "They think I killed Peterkin."

—

There was no going home for anyone and you couldn't exactly go to the chateau, the first place they'd look, or anywhere familiar.

So, you hid.

Laying low in Kie's car with no other options, the radio turned to a news station in a vein hope that they might say something helpful.

Pope was nessled in the front seat, Kie in the drivers, which left you in the back, sandwiched between JJ and John B. Head on JB's shoulder and leg over JJ's leg.

The sound of JJ's lighter flicking open and closed was only interrupted by the occasional police sirens that, thankfully, wizzed right by. As for the radio-

"Still no arrest in the shooting death of Sheriff Susan Peterkin. The state police have issued a statement regarding a local person of interest, a juvenile from-"

Kiara switched it off.

"Let's game this out," JJ said. "Maybe you guys can help, being the smart ones and all, but-" he let out a breath - "who are the cops going to believe? Ward Cameron or us?"

It didn't need to be said. You wouldn't be hiding right now if there was any hope the cops were on your side, but JJ, being JJ, felt the need to say what everyone was thinking.

"So, the accuser is a big shot developer, kind of lord of the island, got the governor on speed dial kind of person. And the accused...is John B...who is pretty much a homeless 16-year-old boy at the moment..."

You sighed against John B's shoulder and kicked JJ's leg with your foot.

"What? I'm not wrong."

"Thanks," John B. replied, sarcastically.

"Shit." Pope said from the front.

"Look, man, Yucatan, all right?" JJ said, talking to John B. over your head. "I'm saying that's the only option. What other option do you have?"

"Enough with the Mexico bullshit, all right?" John B. retorted. "Sarah's gonna bail me out."

"I mean she did witness the whole thing," Kiara said.

"Thank you," John B. said.

"And she's gonna snitch on her brother?" Pope asked.

As if the mere mention of Rafe, not even by name, set him off, JJ puffed his joint and continued on his tirade. "Not happening, bro, okay? We need to get you off the island."

"The ferry," Pope said. "It's the only way."

"Yeah, exit stage left while you still can, before the entire island is on lockdown."

As if on cue, more sirens approached.

The five of you ducked down again, slinking as far into your seats as you could go.

You half wished yours would just swallow you whole, put you out of your misery.

"Sarah's not a pogue, John B.," Pope said.

"Yeah. You can't stay here, man," JJ said.

John B. seemed less inclined to speak, so you snuggled further into him and he squeezed your arm.

The two of you were closer to other pogues, but after this, you might just start leaning on each other a little more.

Hell, if John B. was leaving the island, you wanted to go with him. JJ would probably tag along, too, lord knows he needs an excuse to get outta dodge.

It would be just the three of you, hitch hiking until you found somewhere to be. A beach in Florida maybe, Puerto Rico, even. Change your names, get jobs, settle down. It wouldn't be so bad.

Just had to get on the ferry.

"Okay, so, ferry's closed."

Or not.

"And there's this," Pope said, handing a piece of paper to Kiara through the window.

A wanted poster.

It was a fucking wanted poster.

You didn't even know they made those anymore.

"Okay, so the whole island's looking for John B. right now," Pope said.

"That's a lot of money," Kiara said.

"Congrats, John B., you're famous," you said, bitterly, as you passed him the poster.

"We got to get to the HMS," Kiara said. "It's small, no running lights-"

"Its at the chateau, Kie," John B. replied.

"And I wonder if the cops got the entire place staked out, let me think," JJ said. "Oh, yeah, no they definitely have that place locked down."

"Yeah, copy that."

"Let me think, just give me a second," Pope said, hands on the steering wheel, eyes closed as he scrambled through his thoughts. "JJ."

"What?"

Pope turned around in his seat. "Does your dad still have that boat? The cigarette boat, The Phantom? The one he used to race."

"Maybe..."

"You could get right up the coast, no problem," Pope said.

And, as is common for the pogues, when a solution presents itself, it all goes to shit.

Chaos broke out, Pope unintentionally getting the attention of everyone around the ferry. And, of course, the car was stalling out.

John B. was hiding his face and the rest of you were yelling frantically at Pope as he turned the ignition. And once it went, he hit a car. And alerted the cops.

Great.

Who let Pope drive, again?

He slammed on the breaks and you nearly went tumbling into the front with him and Kie.

"Shit, Pope,"

"John B., get out."

"He's right," JJ said. "We'll draw the cops, you run."

"Where's he supposed to go?"

"What's the alternative, Y/N?"

You bit your lip. "Okay, go John B., run."

He popped the door and hefted himself out as JJ said, "I'll get the rig and meet you in the dump tomorrow. Three o'clock, okay?"

John B. bailed, slamming the door behind him and Pope floored it, driving the cops away from John B. as quick as was reasonble.

Meanwhile, Rafe was rummaging through John B.'s stuff.

"What're you doing?" Wheezie asked.

"Getting rid of this crap," Rafe replied, too calmly for someone who'd committed murder hardly hours before.

"That's John B.'s," Wheezie said.

"Yeah, well, I don't think he's gonna be by anytime soon to pick it up, so..."

"Why?"

"Did you say why?"

Wheezie nodded, innocently.

The image of you running off with John B. flashed through his head. The horror in your eyes when he pointed the gun at you. Why had he done that?

"They didn't tell you?"

"Nobody tells me anything."

"Um...so John B.," Rafe considered it for a moment. The lie bitter on his tongue...but he said it anyway. "Killed Sheriff Peterkin."

But Wheezie wasn't dumb. The disbelief was evident in her voice when she said, "What?"

"Are you smiling right now?" Rafe asked. "I'm not joking, like this isn't a game. I dont" - he smacked the post of the bed - "I don't know why you're smiling, okay? Look at me."

He leaned down close to Wheezie. "I saw it with my own two eyes, all right?"

Lie.

"He shot her. And then do you know what he did?"

He was spiraling.

"He tried to shoot dad, but I stepped in, and I stopped him, right?" It sounded more like a question than a statement. "I saved his life."

"Why would John B. wanna kill dad?"

Rafe shrugged his shoulders before saying the only honest thing he had this whole conversation. "He thinks dad killed his father."

The cogs turned in Wheezie's head. "He wants vengence."

Rafe shouldered John B.'s bag. "Yeah, he's...he's a maniac. And Sarah's been hanging out with him."

He turned to go when Wheezie said, "But what about Y/N?"

That got him to stop in his tracks. "What?"

"Y/N hangs out with John B. She wouldn't if he was a maniac...right?"

Rafe licked his lips. "Well, uh...sometimes you think you know people. And you don't."

—

"Pope you clocked that car, man, it was so bad!" JJ said, laughing.

You had your feet danging over the back seat, the light outside beginning to turn blue, bathing everything in a twilight haze.

"Pull over!" Kiara demanded.

Pope, smartly, did as he was told, albeit a little more wrecklessly that he would have had he not been high.

"JJ's it's not funny," Kiara said. "He shouldn't be driving."

She slammed the door closed and JJ made eye contact with you.

You grinned. "It's a little funny."

He smiled back, handing you his blunt, and it was almost as if nothing had changed.

"Where're we going?" he asked.

"The last place they're gonna look," Kiara replied.

—

"Last place they're gonna look because of how stupid it is." JJ said as Kie and Pope scaled the Camerons' wall.

"I second that," you said, slinking down in your seat.

"You guys just stay here, okay?" Kie said before dropping out of sight.

Then, it was silent.

The tension between you and JJ grew thick.

"How's your eye?" JJ asked.

"Huh? Oh..." you reached up to feel the bruise. "To be honest, I forgot about it."

Another beat of silence.

"I think I owe you an apology," you said. "I shouldn't have gone back to Rafe. I knew who he was, but I still held on to some naive belief. And now this."

You put your head in your hands, wondering if you could have changed this somehow.

"Hey," JJ said, lifting your head up. "You just see the best in people, all right? You always have. Even in me. I said some pretty awful things to you, and I'm sorry for that. I guess I was just jealous."

You looked at him. "Jealous?"

He wouldn't meet your eye. "Yeah. The idea of you being with Rafe... it bothered me, all right? And not just cause he's him...cause you're you."

You smiled softly. "Well, I was telling you the truth when I said we didn't sleep together...but we did kiss...once."

"Oh."

You chewed on your lip, thinking over your next words. "But I was, uh...I was thinking about you when it happened."

This seemed to get JJ's attention. "You were?"

You chuckled. "Yeah. It felt so weird and I wasn't sure at the time why but," - you looked at him - "I think it's because I really like you JJ. And not in the friend kind of way."

JJ split into a grin that could've lit the highway. "Really?"

"Really."

You both leaned forward, a kiss inevitable, but then the doors opened and you were interupted by Kie and Pope piling back into the car.

"Where's Sarah?" you asked.

Kie just shook her head. "Plan failed."

"Okay, so what's plan B?"

Plan B, it turned out, was sleeping at the wreck.

Kiara curled up on a bench and Pope resting his head against some napkins. You and JJ opted for the floor, staring up at the ceiling and just playing with each others' hands until one of you fell asleep.

Which, must've been you because before you knew it, the sun was up and JJ was flicking his lighter open and closed anxiously.

"He's pinched fore sure," he said.

"No," Pope replied. "They wouldn't still be patrolling if they caught him."

"Let's hope."

"You know, we were in that car, they're porbably looking for us, too," Kie said.

You knicked the lighter from JJ's hand, flicking it open and closed. "Yeah, the Camerons are probably tearing their hair out that they can't keep me locked down like Sarah."

JJ reached for his lighter and you held it out of his reach behind your back, he chased it and you dodged. A silly game in the middle of everything.

"Well, if we're gonna be outlaws, we might as well help John B.," Pope said.

JJ got hold of the lighter finally, pushing you lightly. "So, find him before they do?"

Pope grabbed the keys to the dirtbike.

"Pope?"

"I'm gonna get gas for the boat," he said.

"Hey, you be careful," Kiara said. "Okay?"

"Meet me at the dock at three," Pope said to JJ, ignoring Kie. "Don't be late."

JJ and you exchanged a look as Kiara took off after him.

The tension between you and JJ seemed to have morphed into tension between Pope and Kie.

"You know what that's about?" you asked JJ.

He shrugged. "Whatever it is, it's not helping."

--

When Kiara pulled up to the Maybank residence, it was like all the joy got sucked out of the air.

You'd been there before, a few times, helping out JJ with whatever, usually sneaking in through his window if his dad was around.

You got caught once and...well, let's just say you haven't been back since.

"Home sweet home." JJ said, bitterly.

"Hey," you leaned up from the back seat. "Do you want me to come? You know I will."

"Same here," Kiara said.

JJ shook his head. "No. This'll only take a second."

He jumped out and gave one last look to the two of you before heading inside.

"So..." Kiara started. "You and JJ, now?"

"I guess so," you replied. "Is it weird?"

She shrugged. "I mean...a little, but I think we were all waiting for it to happen."

"Really?"

"Yeah...you should've seen the way he was spiraling out without you. Plus his dad..."

You pulled your knees up to your chest, eyes trained on the house. "I never should've left. I never should've let him take the fall for me."

"Well, you know JJ. If he had to do it again, he wouldn't change a thing."

The screen door threw open and he came through it, distress evident on his face.

Kiara started the car.

"How'd it go?" She asked, tentatively.

JJ held up the keys, tangled in a silver chain around his fingers.

Mission accomplished.

At what cost?

Kiara drove off and you reached out, taking JJ's hand and squeezing it.

He squeezed back, but said nothing.

It was a frantic sort of day. One misstep and the whole plan unwravels and John B. gets hauled in for something he didn't do. Something none of you could save him from if it happened.

"It'll be fine," JJ said, more to himself than to you or Kiara. "It'll be fine with the Phantom. She'll get out of here quick."

A few police cars went rushing by, you and JJ ducked your heads but Kiara kept driving calmly.

"They're still looking," she said. "That's a good sign."

She kept driving, theoretically away from the danger.

Until you caught Rafe's eye through the window.

Shit.

He was with Barry, who was still out for blood, no doubt. And Rafe's head was no where near on tight.

"Shit, shit, shit, Kie!"

The dirtbike engines revved.

"Kie you gotta go faster!"

"What? Why?"

"Because Rafe and Barry are on our asses, all right?"

"What?"

Her and JJ both turned around to look, the red bikes easy to spot.

"Fucking Rafe Cameron man," JJ said, smacking the dashboard as Kiara sped up. "Always showing up at the worst times."

Kiara sped up as fast as she reasonably could and they faded back.

"God, please, don't follow us..." you muttered, wishing on wishing.

JJ reached back, squeezing your forearm. "Just focus on the mission, baby, okay? We got this."

Baby? That was new...but not unwanted.

It distracted you long enough for you to reach the warehouse where the Phantom was.

JJ pushed open the door and salivated immediately. "There she be."

You and Kiara surveyed the boat and exchanged a look. Oh boy.

"A 1983 Formula 402 SR1," JJ said. "The Phantom."

He looked back at you guys and Kiara shrugged.

"The first boay to make the run to Bermuda in under 16 hours, Kie," JJ said, running his hand along the boat. "Forty years old! Forty...and still the fastest thing that Kildaire's ever seen."

"It's kind of a junker," Kiara replied.

JJ looked almost offended. "Really? She's right there, Kie. She can hear you."

"I'm starting to wonder which of us you're really into," you joked.

"Let's just put it this way," JJ said. "You would not be smoking weed right now if she never existed, okay?"

"I just hope it runs," you replied as JJ snaked an arm around your waist.

"Oh, she'll run all right. She's faster than any cutters the boys in blue got."

The screeching of tires got your attention and Kiara jumped over the hitch. "Pope! Finally..."

"Hey, there."

Your stomach sank and your eyes went wide, seperating from JJ immediately.

Rafe's eyes bore holes in your skill. "What's going on, JJ?"

Kiara back tracked as Rafe climbed onto the Phantom. "How byou guys doin'?"

Barry whistled, coming around the other side of JJ, who stepped in front of you protectively.

"Well, well," he said.

Rafe jumped back down and the three of you were truly surrounded as Barry pulled a pistol on JJ.

"See, don't think I forgot about me and you on the side of the road," Barry said. "See, I'm here because I want my motherfucking money!"

Barry rushed him, smacking JJ in the face and you screamed for him, but Rafe's arm wrapped around your middle, pulling you back.

Kiara went to help, but got a pistol smacked against her face for her troubles.

"Kie!" You shouted. "Rafe let me go! Let me fucking go!"

He tossed you down. "I think it's time you and I had another chat."

Kiara pushed herself between you. "Don't even think about touching her again."

Rafe huffed through his nose. "It's not you we want, Kie. Just her. Her and John B. Where is he, Y/N? I saw you run off with him, where is he?"

He tried to move towards you but Kiara slapped him in the face.

"I really wish you didn't do that," Rafe said.

"Stay down, boy," Barry said, kicking at JJ with his foot.

"JJ!" you shouted, trying to go for him but Rafe intercepted you again.

"We know what you did!" Kiara said.

This got him to pause, dropping you. "Oh yeah? What did I do?"

You crawled across the floor to JJ.

"You murdered Peterkin!"

"Nah, nah, stay back, girl," Barry said, pulling you up by your hair.

"Y/N!" JJ said, strangled but he got up and started going towards Barry, who tossed you aside and starting beating on JJ again.

You hit the floor hard.

"You're gonna wish you didn't say that," Rafe said.

You caught sight of them, Kiara's neck in Rafe's hand.

The terrible image of Ward flashed in your mind again and you were frozen, terrified.

"Where's John B.?" Rafe shouted in Kie's face, tightening his hold every time she said she didn't know.

THWACK.

Pope laid into Rafe with a tire iron, smacking him across the back and arm. "Don't touch her!"

It didn't last long. Rafe was fighting back almost immediately, but Pope had gained confidence and anger and punched back without hesitation.

"Rafe!" Barry said, moving off JJ to help Rafe.

JJ took this opportunity to trip him and the pistol went tumbling out of Barry's hand.

"Y/N! Kick it!" JJ said.

You did as instructed, kicking the small gun as far and as hard as you could.

JJ intercepted Barry as you stumbled back towards Kie.

"Are you okay?" you asked her.

She was rubbing her neck but nodded. "Pope!"

Barry was down but Pope was still wailing on Rafe.

"Pope, he's had enough, man!" JJ tried, but something inside Pope had snapped.

"Pope, stop!" you shouted as Pope wrapped a hose around Rafe's neck.

"Pope that's too much!"

"Stop, dude!"

JJ wrapped his arms around Pope's shoulders. "Dude, come on, stop, dude, stop!"

"Pope get off of him!"

There was blood all across Rafe's face, but his eyes stayed trained on you as you stood there helplessly.

You should've hated him. Should've thought this was what he deserved. But the fear that gripped your insides at the thought of him dying, of him being killed by one of your best friends.

It was too much.

"Look at me!" Kiara shouted.

And Pope let go.

Rafe went tumbling to the ground and you instinctively went after him.

Rafe coughed and checked him, asking if he was okay. He didn't reply, trying to catch his breath without choking on blood.

"We gotta go." Kie said. "We gotta go."

She headed towards the car, JJ following reluctantly.

Pope was fuming. "Stay off the cut."

You'd never been scared of Pope before, but in that moment, the rage in his eyes was one of the scariest things you'd ever seen.

You looked back at Rafe as Pope followed the other two.

He was breathing heavily, the blood glittering against his face.

"Y/N, come on!"

You moved to get up but Rafe's hand grabbed your arm, making you look back at him.

"Please-" he choked out.

You shook your head. "Deal's done. You were supposed to lay off."

With that you pulled out of his grip and jogged to the car, shoving yourself in the back seat with JJ.

You curled in on yourself again, knees to your chest.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," JJ said, leaning against the window.

"Is it, though?" you said.

It was just karma, right? It was all...karma.

JJ reached for your hand and you let him take it, but neither of you faced each other.

This night was far from over. There was too much left.

But the deal was off. Pope got his revenge. And you and JJ had each other again.

This chapter...was over.

[astraystayyh]

Vanilla

Genre : ANGST!!!!! with a happy ending

Pairing : Bang Chan x reader

Warnings : A lot of SADNESS, obviously. Breakup and everything that goes with it.

Had a really stressful week and was in the mood for some angst, i hope you enjoy reading and please let me know if you do :)) it will be much appreciated<3

--------------------

It was nearing 3 am, when Chan finally came home to you. He was tired, his shoulders hunched over as if he was carrying the world's weight on them. And in a way he was, he had too many responsibilities it sometimes felt like he drowned in them. But you were his anchor, keeping him afloat.

He opened the door, sighing when his feet hit the soft rug you had in the living room. It was dark in your apartment, save for the moon that bathed it in a soft, silvery glow.

It takes some time for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they do, he is surprised to see you fast asleep on the couch, curled around yourself in a ball.

He frowns, a dull ache settling in his heart. This is a sight he had seen way too much these past few months. He hadn't been home nearly as much as he wanted, the only times he ever saw you were at night, sleeping.

When was the last time you had a proper date? He thought to himself. He couldn't remember.

He quietly kneels in front of you, his hands hovering over the soft curve of your body. He couldn't bring himself to touch you, he felt like he was breaching an unknown territory. He who had once memorized every nook and cranny of your body.

He closes his eyes, leaning his forehead onto the couch. A foreign scent hits his nostrils, coconut. Since when did you change your vanilla perfume?

Had it really been that long?

Hot tears start pouring out of his eyes. He wanted to do so much more for you, be there for you all the time. You deserved more than what he could give you. And he knew you'd never complain, he knew you'd settle for less just because you love him.

He couldn't allow any of this to go on any further, he wanted you to be happier, even if it meant letting you go.

His muffled cries wake you up, and you look at him confused as to what is going on. When you grasp that he's crying, you quickly sit up, your worried eyes racking through his face.

"Chan, baby? What's wrong?", you ask, your voice sweet like honey. He knew he'd miss your voice the most.

"Just let me hold you". He was kneeling before you, his head buried in your lap. He just wanted to enjoy those last moments with you. The calm before the storm.

Your hand instinctively finds his hair, playing with it just like you know he likes it.

No, he'd miss your touch the most.

He finally looks up at you, his teary eyes staring at you with such intensity it made your heart beat faster. He has never looked at you this way; like it'd be the last time he'd get to do it.

No, he'd miss you the most.

"We need to...", he starts off, the words stuck in his throat. He couldn't bring himself to say them, but he had to. "We need to break up".

"Pardon?", you say, a chill running down your spine. "You are messing with me, right?", you smile nervously, your fear growing with each silent beat, "Right?".

"No. We need to... We have to break up", he repeats, his eyes looking anywhere but your face. You grab his head with your hands, forcefully making him stare at you. "Chan, look at me. You mean it?", you ask, your voice sounding so small to your ears.

"Yes. Yes, this is not working anymore", he answers, this time with a little more conviction. He needed to make this quick, he didn't want to hurt you anymore.

"Why? Did I do something? Are you mad at me?". Tears were now falling freely from your eyes, you were confused and hurt. You wanted him to hold you and go back to sleep.

"No, you didn't do anything. But this can't go on anymore. Don't make this any harder for the both of us".

"I shouldn't make this harder for the both of us?", you repeat incredulously. "YOU are the one breaking up with me in the middle of the night. And for no apparent reason", you point out, your chest heaving, from fear, anger and pain.

"I'm leaving", he stands up, wiping the tears from his face. You stand up too, stopping him in his tracks with a hand on his wrist. "If you leave now...", you pause, your voice shaking, "If you leave now with no explanation, you can't come back Chan. I won't open the door for you".

"Goodbye yn", he whispers, not looking back as he leaves your apartment.

The sound of the door slamming after him lingers in the air long after he's gone. You imagine it's the same sound your heart made when Chan broke it in two.

------------------------------------

An agonizingly long week has passed by since Chan broke up with you. This means it's seven nights he could have come home to you, seven sunsets you could have seen together, seven morning kisses you could have shared, seven meals you would have made him.

Seven days where the world went on as if nothing changed.

You think back to the night he left, how you cried yourself to sleep on the couch of your living room. How you woke up, expecting to see him; three seconds of bliss.

But then, you remembered.

A sob racked through your body instantly. Memories flood your brain, choking you as they come and go. They were like waves of hurt swarming you, drowning you in a feeling of sorrow too strong for your heart to bear.

It takes you a while to find the courage to go to your bedroom. The one you've shared with him for the past eleven months. You pause right next to the door, it felt wrong to head in there knowing Chan won't join you in the bed anymore. It felt wrong to taint a happy room with the ugly truth.

But you finally open the door, tentatively, as if you were expecting to find him sitting in there. The sun is streaming through your curtains- the ones you bought together. Your eyes rack through the entire room, the sight of Chan's belongings so untouched stabbing your heart once again.

His black beanie, the one he wore the last time you saw him, was tossed lazily on the bed. His earrings are placed on the cabinet right next to the door. A half-empty glass of water was on his bedside. A drawer was left slightly open, his chair was pushed a bit too far.

Did he know? When he woke up that day that he wouldn't return? And if he had known, would he have tidied up? Or would he have left the room as it is? A token that he was here, he was here and he was yours and then he wasn't.

You fall on top of the bed and snuggle into your comforter, inhaling his scent that drove you crazy. Is this what is left of him now? His perfume on your sheets and pillow? His clothes on the racks of your closet? His blue toothbrush sat next to yours in the bathroom?

Or is it his kisses on your skin that scorched you in the most beautiful way? His words imprinted in your brain like the most sacred book? His whispers, his promises, his touch? Is all that's left of Chan the way he loved you?

The memories start dancing in front of your eyes, mocking you, taunting you, telling you that Chan was within your reach but that he no longer is. Making you believe that if you closed your eyes long enough, and stretched your fingers far enough, you could reach them, you could force them to become a reality all over again.

You remember the nights you had spent in his studio, you sat on his lap while he worked on a new sound. You remember his smile when he showed you a new track he liked. And then the smiles only meant for you. You've learned to memorize them. His 'good morning' smile, his 'I missed you' smile, his 'I want to ravish you' smile.

You remember your first kiss, and his confession right before "I'm falling for you". The way you sealed your faith when you kissed him. The way he kissed you, so soft, so gentle, but then so needy, so wild, and yet still as enamored.

You remember him supporting your dreams and ambitions, encouraging you whenever you didn't feel like going on. You remember him hugging you, engulfing you in a warmth that you've never known before.

You remember your pinky promises, your strolls on the beach, your 3 am conversations, your late-night drives, when you cooked for him and when he cooked for you.

You remember it all too well.

Staying in the bedroom was too overwhelming, you decide to take a shower to distract yourself a bit. But you didn't have the energy to move your limbs, so you just stood there under the water jet, forehead leaning on the cold tiles.

A while later, you finally head out of the bathroom, wrapping yourself in a towel. It was cold; Chan used to warm them up for you, you remember.

You sit on the bed, feeling hollower than ever. You don't have the energy to wear your clothes, let alone brush your hair.

You remember when you were so tired one day, Chan had to dress you himself. He then gently brushed your hair, untangling all the knots in it. He was so soft with you, so unsure, it made you fall for him tenfold. 

You couldn't bring yourself to tell anyone about the breakup. You knew what your friends would say, you will get better, it will pass. But how long? How long till it doesn't hurt this much? You needed a number, a date, you needed something certain to grasp into.

You knew they'd hug you, but they wouldn't know how to rub circles on your back. They wouldn't thread their fingers through your hair. They wouldn't place a soft kiss on your forehead afterward. They wouldn't be Chan.

Is this how it will be from now on? No hug, enough. No kiss, enough. No one, enough?

You didn't want to, but the sun rose every day and set every night. And so did you with it. You went on with your life as if nothing happened. But you wouldn't be able to recall who you talked to and what clothes you wore. You wouldn't remember what you ate and how you made it back safely every night.

But you remember how one night the sky was pitch black. Chan's favorite color. And that one morning the birds chirped around you like a saddened melody. It made you wonder if they too knew how it felt to lose a loved one. You could talk about the lines stretching in your palm, and how you traced them over and over again. How you tucked your nails into them every time you thought of Chan, leaving behind bloody crescent indents. 

You remember how you didn't cry during the day, willing yourself to stay strong. You didn't cry until you laid yourself in your bed at night. And there, you broke down all over again as if Chan had just left you. 

-----------------------------

Urgent knocks on your door snap you out of your haze. 2:58, you read on your clock. Wasn't it 11 pm just five minutes ago? 

You drag yourself towards the door, checking through the peephole to see who it was. It's Chan, you realize. You panic, you shouldn't open the door, you've told him it would stay closed. 

"YN... I know you're in there, please let me in. I- I need to talk to you. Please", he begs, his tone apologetic. You can feel your heart soften, your anger dissolve. You wanted to see him.

It's ironic, how he was the one who caused you this pain, and yet your heart yearned for him. It's as if your body didn't yet register that he had hurt you. He had been your home for what felt like an eternity after all. 

But no matter how much you wanted to open the door, you couldn't ignore the truth that he had left you. He broke up with you with no explanation, leaving you in a spiral of self-doubt. You can't go back on your word and allow him to hurt you even more.

So, you slide down the door, knocking twice on the bottom of it. He hears it and understands what you mean. You'd listen to him but you won't see him, not yet. 

He sits down on the cold floor, his back to the door. You are closer than you have been this past week, and yet, he has never felt this far.

"I... I love you so much yn. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life", he starts off his voice thick with emotion. You could feel the tears well up in your eyes too, you'd missed his voice.

"And I- I want to be here for you, always. I want to come home to you early on, and I want to talk to you for more than five minutes at a time. I want to see you when I wake up and sleep and I want to be here every time you cry. Every time you need me. And even if you don't, I want to be there with you, for you".

Chan's heart is beating wildly in his chest, he hasn't thought this through, admittedly. All he knew is that he couldn't go on without you. That's how he found himself knocking at your door at 3 am.

"But I can't, I... I can't give you all of this, I can't give you all that you deserve and more", silent tears are streaming down his face, how he wished he had you in his arms right now. "I thought that... I know that I don't deserve you, and I-I imagined you'd be happier with someone else. Someone who won't hold you back as I do".

Your heart is squeezing in your chest, his words cutting through you like a knife. Is this why he broke up with you? Because he felt like he wasn't worthy enough of you?

"And when I saw you waiting up for me again... Something shattered inside of me. That's why... That's why I broke up with you", he pauses taking a deep breath to steady his voice, "but I can't- I can't lose you, baby, please. I- I couldn't sleep without you, couldn't eat, couldn't breathe, I need you yn. I need you".

Chan presses a hand to his heart, he felt as if the air in his lungs set him on fire. Maybe it was the universe's way of punishing him for letting you go.

"You've once told me that I was too self-giving and that I needed to be selfish from time to time. So here I am being selfish, I need you back, I can't- I can't afford to lose you. I can't, yn. It's killing me".

"Why didn't you tell me any of this? We would have talked, I would have told you that I loved you", you speak for the first time since he came. All of this pain could have been avoided.

"Loved? Do you- do you not love me anymore?", his shaking voice breaks your heart further.

"No, no. Of course, I still love you, Chan. I don't think I can ever stop loving you. You just hurt me, a lot", you whisper the last part, you're not even sure he heard you.

"I know and I'm so sorry baby. So sorry. Please, let me make it better, yeah?".

You don't answer and for a moment Chan thinks he's lost you for good. But then, you open the door, slowly, and he scrambles to his feet.

You lock eyes with Chan, for the first time in a week. You've gone longer times without seeing each other, but this time it feels different. You are both different; sadder.

His hand is outstretched towards you but you step back before he can touch you. You wrap your arms around your body, and he drops his hand down, defeated.

"I'm a grown person Chan. I make my own decisions. And long ago, I chose to love you", you say, your eyes never leaving his. You needed to get this off your chest, "You are not always here, and I do miss you but... You make me feel so loved all the time, even when you are not next to me".

"And I wish...", you hug yourself tighter, in a useless attempt to stop yourself from crying. "I wish you saw yourself how I see you. You are enough, more than enough", you take a step forward towards him and he takes three. "You hear me, Chan? You are enough", your hand meets his cheek and it's all it takes for him to break down.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I will never... I will never let you go again. I promise, I promise", he cries, his soft whimpers making your heart ache.

"It's okay. We are okay, I forgive you", you smile softly, wiping his tears away with your thumb.

"We are? You mean it?", he asks you, hopeful eyes looking into yours. You nod yes and he beams at you, his smile so bright it slips through the cracks of your heart, making it whole again.

"Can I... Can I hug you?", he asks and you grin, "Come here".

He pulls you in for a hug instantly, his strong arms encircling your body as if he was afraid you'd vanish. Your body finds his like muscle memory- as if you were solely made to hold each other. Everything around you stills, and at that moment all you know, all you feel is each other.

Chan buries his head in the crook of your neck, placing a soft kiss on your skin. His eyes tear up when he smells it- vanilla. Home.

[hisui-dreamer]

rewrite the stars

Characters: Leona, Azul, Jade, Idia

Synopsis: if the stars say we're not meant to be, then why don't we just rewrite the stars?

Tags: horoscopes, reader is insecure, crack(?), fluff, comfort, not proofread

Word count: 1.4k+

Notes: rewrite the stars got stuck in my head then this idea popped up hehe

Disclaimer: i don't really know a lot about astrology, so most of the things i say are from google searches. in general, take astrology with a grain of salt yeah.

but also my sign and jade's sign are compatible hehehe

Masterlist

it's not easy being confident in love, and sometimes when you get so lost in your fears, you let anyone and anything tell you what you fear to admit, without a care for how truthful those words may be.

truthfully, if you were dead serious and broke up with him, he'd just grumble out a "whatever" and put up the façade that he doesn't care

but he'd actually be so mad at himself for pushing you away and how nothing in his life could ever go smoothly

but your eyes are swollen and tears are threatening to spill as you whisper those words

he silently approaches you, and instinctively reaches to brush your tears away, but his warm, calloused hand only makes you cry harder at how much you love the man before your eyes

he pulls you into his arms and holds you close as you sob into his chest

he doesn't say anything and waits for you to elaborate, there's a part of him that's afraid if he asked you why you wanted to break up with him, he couldn't bear how his own self-hatred

once you've calmed down, you start explaining how you two are incompatible in astrology, that he's a leo so it's easy for miscommunication to happen and other issues that have plagued you since you read about them

he's heard all this make believe astrology personality stuff before, but never before has he been glad of how ridiculous the idea is

you hear leona let out a big sigh, and the tension in his shoulders immediately lessens

pulls away from you to stare deep into your eyes, his face completely serious and solemn

"Herbivore, are you happy with me?" he asks. At you confused face, he repeats the question, his expression unchanging. When you nod firmly, he smiles slightly and asks again. "Then what else matters? As if I would let the souls of the past kings or some random star talk decide who I'm gonna love," he scowls at the idea. He leans forward and rests his forehead against yours. "You're stuck with me now, I'm not lettin' ya go that easily," he whispers.

He pulls you with him as he falls back onto the mattress, cradling you in his arms. "Sleep. You're not a baby anymore so don't go crying yourself to sleep," he teases, but he gently kisses the remainder of your tears away.

azul.exe has stopped functioning

blubbering like a fish out of water (wait...) he's lost and hurt and confused and panicking all at the same time

"w-w-what have i done to upset you angelfish????"

the tweels walk into azuls office just to see the two of you crying and confused, azul trying to ask you why and he's sad and crying, you're stumbling over your words and sniffing and crying

ok after a glass of warm water (thank you jade) the two of you calm down to actually have a proper conversation, though azul is still very obviously tense

you explain that he's a Pisces and that means you two not compatible with how sensitive he is and he's a water sign and so on

azul is very confused about how stars can determine people's personalities, but he does fit the description of a Pisces, and if his beloved Angelfish is stressed over astrology, then it must be a reliable tell (azul no)

he asks for you to give him some time, to actually understand your reasonings and of course, to give him a chance and prove to you how willing he is to work out a relationship with you

the next day, azul visits you with very deep dark eye circles, but the glint in his eyes shows full determination and confidence

azul businessman mode on!

sits you down and pulls up a slideshow

azul ashengrotto is now an astrology expert!

he's determined to show you that you two have maximum compatibility and whatever issues you have? he'll always work them out with you

"Darling, you mentioned our Sun signs yesterday, but I think it's crucial to also discuss our rising, moon, and star signs." He declares as he points to a star chart. "Now, following the calculations of our birth dates and locations..."

An hour later, you sit completely convinced that astrology all but supports your relationship with Azul, and you can't help smile and jump into his arms. Azul, sleep deprived and running on anxiety, somehow manages to not fall over, but soon leans his weight on you. "See? We're perfectly compatible with each other," he murmurs against your ear. His arms wrap around you, squeezing you gently, "so please don't leave me, I wouldn't know what to do without you..."

eyes wide slowly blinking like "... I beg your pardon?"

honestly jade doesn't look that surprised/hurt

but really he's suppressing the turmoil of emotions inside him

ever the logical thinker, he'd ask a calm "May I ask why, my dear?"

and you surprise him again with flowing tears and a trembling voice

though he's listening very patiently as he's diligently wiping away your tears with his handkerchief, soft careful movements to avoid causing discomfort

asks questions when he doesn't understand what in astrology is going on, genuinely making an effort to understand this field of academics

in a sense, he's distracting you from being upset with academic discussion

okay, he's a Scorpio, which makes him good at manipulating people??? and he's very bold??

now while he finds all this very interesting and slightly accurate, it still feels pretty whimsical that the time you're born in determines your personality

particularly as he's so different to Floyd! and they were born at the same time!

whichever the case, the more pressing issue is his dearest lover sniffing and whining that you could never be happy together with how incompatible you are

he pulls you into his chest for a bit, rubbing soothing circles into your back and leaving gentle kisses you until your sniffing quiets down

"Dearest, won't you look at me?" he murmurs against your ear. You look up to see the most tender expression you had ever seen on him, his mismatched eyes filled with warmth and affection.

"While it is indeed extremely unfortunate that our star signs are incompatible, I don't believe there's a single person out there who could love me better than you do," he says as he kisses your hand. "I promise that your happiness will always be my utmost priority, so won't you continue to love this silly eel?"

"Now, while I will always find you enchantingly beautiful, I do believe a smile shines the brightest on my lovely pearl," he smiles while brushing the remaining wetness away from your eyes.

simply put, idia panics immediately

every day he thinks the fates have been far too kind to him for you to even reciprocate his feelings

he's always mentally preparing himself if you want to break up or you need to leave him

so he puts up a brave face when you say you can't be together

but wait... you actually look really upset and on the verge of tears???

"Hold up, why are you the one crying?"

please don't tell him those are tears of joy i think he'd die on the spot

through sobs and sniffs, you tell him that you were curious about your compatibility based on astrology

and okay...? he's a fire sign??? explains the hair

okay so you're telling him, you're breaking up with him solely because you think this thing might be right and not because you hate him, right?

brb gotta blow up some stars

starts mumbling about some plans to build space missiles and blow up some stars that make up his sign or something

he can't be an asparagus(??? idia no it's sagittarius doesn't matter) if the constellation no longer exists, right?

you stop him (thank god) by cupping both of his cheeks to make him stare straight at you

he's flushing up instantly and every fiber of his being yearned to turn away but your teary gaze makes him stop squirming

"You know," he begins, his voice earnest and steady, "everyday, I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life. If you're unworthy of me, then I'm unworthy of you."

He lets out a chuckle, that rumble echoing right into your ear. "I suppose I can put those star destroyer blueprints on hold, at least for the time being. But if the stars ever mess with us again, it's game over for them."

Masterlist

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