#profound thought i know
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i miss layne
#profound thought i know#but im feeling it tn#sometimes his singing is the only thing i think understands#rest easy man#layne staley
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So I've been thinking a lot about the setting of Disco Elysium. Specifically it being set in late winter/early spring. It's not something I've really seen anyone else bring up.
I mean, the symbolism seems pretty obvious right? Spring is the time of new beginnings, winter is ending and we're entering a time of potential and rebirth. Definitely nothing new. But I think it goes beyond that.
I live in one of the coldest major cities in the world. Not *the* coldest, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a city with over 1,000,000 inhabitants that gets colder than it gets here. Winters are long and brutal and difficult, and when the soil itself is frozen and covered in a foot of packed snow it's really hard to believe that the world could look any other way.
And don't get me wrong, winter is beautiful. The world is quiet and picturesque. There's none of the usual dirt and debris in the streets because it's all buried under the snow. The way that fresh snow sparkles under street lights at night is one of the most breathtakingly gorgeous things I've ever seen.
It's early April right now, and the snow is melting. It's not all gone, but it's getting there. When the air starts to warm up there's this feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air. Spring is here, and any second now the world will be bursting with new life and beautiful greenery.
But it's not. Not yet.
For about a month and a half after the snow starts to melt, the world is grey. No glittering snow, no budding flowers, no swirling red leaves, just puddles of brown water and lawns of brown grass. It's like winter had ended, but the world has yet to realize that it's supposed to be spring. Until it remembers, we're all trapped in a world where there is no season at all.
Sometimes it snows, but the snow never sticks around. Sometimes it rains, but the rain never brings flowers in its wake.
That last month of winter, that first month of spring, whatever you want to call it, is my least favourite time of year. I heard it described once as "the long-preserved corpse of autumn, finally allowed to rot", and that phrase stuck with me. There are eight month old leaves on the ground, skeletal and bleached grey by a winter trapped under the ice. Without the snow to cover it, you can't ignore just how much we've let our city go to shit. The trees are bare and skeletal, and even the evergreens look washed out and grey when they're not contrasted against the snow. Most of the birds aren't back yet, so the only sound outside my window is the ever-present hum of traffic.
It's impossible to ignore the movement and the sounds of humanity, but at the same time the world has never felt so stagnant.
I think there are all sorts of comparisons you could draw here, some of which hold up better than others. The one that first comes to mind for me is sobriety- the line "Full recovery will take years, though. It’ll be depressing. And it’ll be boring. Don’t expect any further rewards or handclaps." from the "Waste Land Of Reality"o thought is one which really stuck with me on my first playthrough, and one which feels especially appropriate here. But that's just one angle.
How much of this was intentional? I don't know. Probably not most of it. Part of me just wanted to go on a little tangent about the seasonal purgatory I'm trapped in once again. But I genuinely don't think there could be a better time of year to set a game like Disco Elysium. That bleak dusty shoulder season, where all the ugliest and most honest parts of nature and civilization are on display. The time of year where I've gone through the ringer and come out the other side, but everything still looks and feels like shit. It's just a different kind of shit.
Spring isn't here. Not yet. And when it does come, it won't fix anything. There will still be garbage on the ground and pollution in the air, there will still be class inequality and senseless violence and I will still be mentally ill.
But still.
For the first time in months, I can feel the wind against my skin without it hurting.
Whatever that's worth.
#I don't know what this is you guys#don't take it too seriously#i just had a thought and then I had to get all 'ooOoh this is very profound' about it#disco elysium#de#harry du bois#hdb#disco elysium meta#1k
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i have a confession to make
#it only really worked out that way bc i got hotguy at such a weird specific point in the story#the whole ‘undercurrent of profound melancholy’ thing does NOT apply to hotguy in 90% of situations#he’s just fresh out of the gilt era in my bit#so my brain was like ‘oh! guy who’s barely holding it together but presents as a sillygoofy dumbass to put people at ease i know that one!’#i’m ngl. i thought i got away with it#but i’ve been watching tristamp amvs and no the fuck i did not sjdhdgsgs#obligatory all art is derivative and references are good and inspiration is good etc#i’m not embarassed about it it’s just funny how obvious it is to me in hindsight#hgcz#mumbling
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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do you ever think about how kon's self esteem never really recovered from the roller coaster incident but it never really came up again because furry arc happened instead of any real fallout from it, and then rex got written out of the narrative (save for that one bit with pyra and roxy, where he 100% only cared about roxy and didn't really give a shit about kon), and . ough
#rimi talks#he thought rex cared about him. and rex betrayed him on such a profound level by endangering others for his own gain#hank henshaw 2 electric boogaloo. but way more pathetic this time.#but like to kon i just Know it felt like it all over again.#kon#rex leech
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Slight spoilers for LMK season 5 ig but I have to rant;
Do you think the whole chaos/order thing going on in that season (& likely continuing into the next season) means the Chinese god of primordial chaos (the same kind of chaos NHD was talking about on the last ep of the season) Hundun might make an appearance & possibly be the higher power pulling the strings we kept getting hints to in season 5? Does that mean he would be a sort of narrative foil to Nuwa (who obviously represents the side of order), like different ‘solutions’ to the same ‘problem’?
Do you think Wukong & Macaque are meant to represent the imbalance of the universe in a VERY literal sense? Like, Wukong came into existence just to cause chaos in a too organized world while Macaque came into existence to measure out Wukong’s chaos? I know MK is called ‘The Harbinger of Chaos’, but Wukong also used to be ‘The Havoc of Heaven’ which are definitely VERY close descriptors. I mean, the Heavenly kingdom is very clearly representing itself as the deciding body of order in LMK, but it’s also clear that have little to ZERO clue what they’re actually doing (Li Jing) and/or don’t have the real power to decide anything about the balance even if they want to (Nezha & Azure Lion).
Is MK really the harbinger of chaos, or is he just the warning everyone kept ignoring until the problem exploded right in front of them? Does MK even fully understand the power this forced title holds? How he is part of the weight that balances a scale before it falls over itself? Did Wukong ever understand his own similar title?
I fear Macaque is right; they really are a bit too alike for comfort. Maybe the loss of Macaque (as the orderly counterpart to Wukong) meant that chaos could completely fly off the handle and throw the world into the ‘early restart’ Nuwa mentioned? Does that mean there could be another celestial monkey we’ll get to meet that becomes the new representation of order to act as a narrative foil for MK (like LBD used to be)? Is there already another monkey of order out there?
Will the sun and the moon clash again? Will the consequences be the same (history repeats itself) or will they be far more dire (history learns from itself)?
Will the cycle never end as long as someone who thinks they know better than the universe remains in power?
#random#rambles#real#rant#tee hee#lego monkie kid season 5#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#lmk mk#lmk sun wukong#lmk macaque#lmk theory#lmk nuwa#hundun mention#I kinda just wanna see how he would be designed in the context of this lego show#I want him to be so goddamn unsettling#(rubbing my hands together menacingly)#lmk li jing#lmk nezha#lmk azure lion#I’m once again having profound thoughts bc of a kids show#are MK & Wukong really chaos?#is Macaque truly order?#lmk nine headed demon#lmk nhd#I don’t know his name shut up
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I know we all will have our own opinions about Chabad, but I just hung up the hebrew calendar they sent to my shul that we received on Rosh Hashanah, and there are gorgeous artworks for each month and it tells you what time to light your candles and it's just really nice to know that even in a place with as small a community as mine, we still are sent these things and we're looked after. I get to look at this calendar and know the world is bigger than I think, that I'm not an island.
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#i know this isn't unique to my local chabad but it's still nice#and they advertise different local jewish things!! there's a JEWISH FILM FEST almost 100 miles away!!!#yes even a calendar is profound to me. i live whimsically and i love to live deliciously
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I think the reason Charles never refers to Hawkeye by his name is because it’s a nickname, because he’ll call BJ, Margaret, and Klinger by their names without issue, and I could write up an entire post about Charles’ approach to names and nicknames and I might come back and do that tomorrow when it’s not so late
For now I just want to make the point that there’s a scenario in my head where Charles tried one (1) time to call Hawkeye Benjamin in casual conversation and the entire conversation ground to a halt because they both got incredibly uncomfortable about it because it sounded so WRONG and they agreed to never talk about it again
#mash#charles winchester#hawkeye pierce#‘but Queen what about Radar’ I think he just doesn’t know Radar’s actual first name#cause Radar doesn’t really bring it up like ever#and also it’s very funny to me if he thinks Radar is just his actual name#’but he calls Klinger Max’ only after a very profound and sincere moment between them#after which I think he considers Klinger to be his close friend#a level of closeness he does not allow himself to express with Hawkeye and BJ#for whatever reasons (I have thoughts but I’m sleepy and also on my phone)#I think a lot about this. can you tell.#anyways I think only Hawkeye’s family is allowed to call him Benjamin#or Ben#and like one specific aunt is allowed to call him Benny or something#because she’s very old and he can’t say no to her she’s his favourite#wow I’m tired this is going in so many directions#anyways#hope this is coherent
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Not Every Film I Watch In 2024
12. Good Grief (2023)
#good grief#good grief (2023)#2024filmgifs#my gifs#queer film#i didn't love that as much as i thought i would#but i liked it a whole lot#every character was so rich and had their own life#which i wanted especially for our friends of colour#and i knew Dan would be conscious of that#and he was#Himesh Patel's performance was so wonderful#i need to see him in more stuff#and of course Ruth Negga was excellent#the grief stuff didn't feel particularly profound#but i did like the brain as a muscle thing#and i remember when Redmond died#how shocked and distressed i was for Dan#i hope he makes more films#and i know he'll evolve as a storyteller#he's so dear to me#i recognise so much of myself in him#it's such an odd thing#i FELT that paint alone line so much#like yes same i want the same thing for me
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dang, I really missed an opportunity not giving Charis a carabiner with like 30 keys for different places across town. The aesthetic of having jingly jangly keys and keychains is peak 👌 and the irony of it would’ve been so funny
#roadie rambles#overmorrow tfs#overmorrow misc#charis oc#it would’ve gone so well with his og outfit I think. like the 2 belts were already there I could’ve slapped a carabiner on too#and something something deeply profound thought of him symbolically carrying the entire town on his person themes symbolism yada yada#also iirc there’s something also inherently queer about carabiners so that would’ve been a fun hint too#eph: you know I can open this for you right?#charis who’s been struggling to find the right key for 5 min: shhhHH I’ve almost got it!! it’s this one for sure!!!
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Why does Jimin look like some hippie cult leader from the 70s? It's the sunglasses, isn't it? 😂
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s3 episode 16 thoughts
(giggling and kicking my feet) it’s mulder and scully time <3
and it was a GOOD episode!!! i was sad, but damn was i compelled! back to the very beginning of the episode to begin the note-taking journey, with a tiny recap of where we left off beneath the “keep reading” bar…
hehehehe i am excited!! i love to spend the evening with the ultimate duo. and we have so much to cover!
so many twists and turns to walk down! krycek is back! skinner is hurt! scully is sleuthing! mulder is in hong kong! we had best begin!
YAAAS we got another “previously on the x files” <- i loathed these at first for throwing me off my typical groove, but now that i know we only bust them out on special occasions (multiple part episodes) i look forward to them
ugh scully is so pretty. “you say that every time” and it’s true every time???
we get a recap: flash bang alien, inky eyes, skinner on a hunt for answers before being interrupted, scully’s dad’s friend johansen, the rat bastard
timeskip to 1953. a man from johansen’s squad who is covered in burns is telling his story, and it is being recorded. he is being visited by those who claim to want to bring him to justice, but he says he won’t tell.
so after johansen started a mutiny and locked the rest of the sailors in the sub, those trapped on the lower levels knocked the dude with the inky eyes on the head with a wrench. so he is knocked tf out. and liquid started pouring from his eyes (BLEAUGH) and into a drain. the survivor who has all the burns and who is recounting this calls the liquid “the enemy”
a guy that looks a lot like matty healy (but much cleaner) is asking him what he means by calling liquid “the enemy”. so the interviewee says that the thing went back to where it came from.
GASP!!!!!! HE ADDRESSES THE MATTY HEALY LOOKING FELLOW AS “MR. MULDER”!!!!!! oh this is JUICY!!! and the camera pans over to another man putting in a cigarette!! GASP!!! WE KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!!
baby cig man says “you can trust all of us” (<- LIES, LYING, SAID BY A GUY WHO IS LYING)
(you can tell the actor playing baby cig man had just one line but he worked SO hard to get cig man's voice right... it made me giggle)
why does young mr mulder look kinda cute. aww. so little. almost wanna squish his cheeks.
they changed the intro again. smh! messing with my rhythm.
anyway, back to main plot. scully’s rolling up to the hospital to find skinner, where she is met by agent fuller and agent caleca, two names i do not think i have heard before. scully asks for hair and fiber from the crime scene and these two are like “we don’t have that yet” so she says “um get it?” (not really but basically) (and they claim it was some random guy that shot him… not buying it)
oh! skinner is being wheeled out! she’s off to go investigate. now if it were ME being rolled about with my shirt off after a gunshot wound and emergency surgery, i would not want people seeing that. but hey, she’s a doctor so maybe she’s chill like that. still! i’d be soooo embarrassed omg
SHE GRABS HIS HAND OMG!!!!! he opens his eyes a tiny tiny bit and tells her that he has seen the man who shot him before!!!
man, i thought just the hand grabbing was gonna be all tender, and it was! but getting a clue at who did it was a bonus too
back to the rat bastard and mulder. at least krycek seems aware that mulder can and will kick his ass and is deferential to him.
scully is looking over skinner’s chart. OH! she asked for guards. and she wants them NOW. she does not CARE about your excuses. WOO!!! she says idgaf if you two agents stand out there YOURSELVES, get GUARDS ON him!!! YAAAAS!
back to krycek and mulder cam. mulder notices that they are being followed and tells him to speed up. at gunpoint! and this mystery vehicle runs them off the road!!!!!!
noooo, their faces are all smushed in. someone pulls rat bastard out and asks where the tape is, but the fellow who attacked him gets flash banged, because again, krycek has alien flash banging powers.
but poor mulder still has his bloody heady on the dash :( he sees some odd flashing
scully gets called into the lab and this guy has some info on the dude that shot skinner. she says it will take too much time to run the hair sequence, but to do it anyway.
(also, i can’t tell if this is the same guy from the lab as before that clearly had a crush on her or if this is a different one but idk i guess it doesn’t really matter... he doesn’t seem like her type)
so the two men that krycek flash banged last night are now in treatment for radiation, and who is visiting them but cancer man!!! he is once again lighting up as they are dying. he bends down and moves a bandage, and sees the eyes of a patient meet his. but he says to HAVE THE BODIES DESTROYED OMFG HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUUCK THIS GUY IS EVIL!!!!
mulder at da hospital. bandage on his head. awwwwww :( it’s so sad and pathetic... he’s baby.
AND SCULLY IS THERE!!!! WITH A SMILE!!!!!! WOOHOO I WISH I COULD LIVE IN THIS MOMENT FOREVER!!! YES YES THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS!!
the police found him and he mentioned “we” so she says “who’s we” and he has to say KRYCEK… she is (very gently) confused
an excellent person to have by your bedside whilst recovering.
she tells him that she is sorry for the bad news, but skinner has been shot as well. but the doctors seem to think he’ll be okay. and she has an idea on who it is that pulled the trigger!
GASP!!! she pulls out the scans on the hair. two of them, in fact. the first being from the man who shot skinner, and the second being from the man who shot melissa. and they’re a PERFECT MATCH!!!! CONSPIRACY!!! CONSPIRACY, I CRY!!!
(shrill violins, fade to black)
oh! it’s the united nations alien council. um i realize now i don’t know their actual name. but you know who i’m referring to, right? the guys. the gang. the squad. just a couple of dudes.
they’re discussing the site “WHERE THEY RECOVERED THE UFO” well! there you have it! word of god confirmation! it’s indeed a ufo that the french sailors came across in the last episode!
“it seems we have an information leak, gentlemen”, one of them announces, which makes me say, okaaaay ominous <3
and they say cig man has responded in a way no one could have predicted… omg was he behind the skinner thing…?
scully visiting skinner <3 asking how he is feeling <3 he doesn’t seem surprised about the news his shooter was the same as melissa’s, especially because those three men had warned him before about pursuing her case. he says she should be careful about saying that the case was shut down because people don’t want it to be caught but. it’s looking them right in the face.
OH! the man that shot him was one of the ones who attacked him a few months back on the stairwell! well i didn’t even catch this. some detail noticer i am. AND KRYCEK was the other one!!!! yes, and they stole the tape yes yes i’m recalling!
ohhh it’s serious. he tells her that she cannot afford anger, that if she’s angry she’ll make a mistake. “i’ll be okay”, she says (voice breaking) (<- said by a woman who is lying)
he says that if she can’t keep her head, it’s okay to step away… this feels very chekov’s gun… but she says that’s exactly what they want. OH! i love that she knows she can get to the bottom of this. i love that she believes in herself.
scully is furiously typing on her laptop. asking to devote full bureau resources to finding krycek. got her glasses on n everything. terribly beautiful whilst angry. she is saying he can explain everything that is going on, but i don’t think anyone is gonna listen to herrrr because the fbi does not give a fuck!!!
scully is now entering their office to see the giant yellow scuba suit. “it looked great on me in the store” says mulder, who needs to make a joke or people will die. perhaps he needs to make a joke even more when people really ARE dying.
so, why is it here? great question. it was covered in oil, the french guy was covered in oil, his wife was covered in oil, and it’s all diesel oil from world war two submarines. a new meaning to the term “oiled up”.
theory time with mulder: it’s a medium for an alien creature for body-jumping. he laughs when she laughs, aware of how ridiculous it sounds, but also aware of her thinly veiled fury; what else could he do? he does know how it sounds, he does know what she needs, but the truth. the truth.
so what does this thing living in the oil want with krycek? a great question.
omg guy from the lone gunmen is ice skating! and so is another one. wow a team bonding mission <3 AND THE OTHER ONE!!! FROHIKE!!!
is this something they do often... no, this must be a sleuthing mission.
frohike goes in a locker and opens something. GIVES IT TO MULDER!!! YAAAS THE TAPE!!! they say he should “call upon their services more often” YAAAS they want that sweet sweet agent time <3
but noooo! the tape is gone!!!! mulder gets mad and throws the empty case. still, a reunion with his pals <3
cig man is watching tv. sipping some sort of liquor.
(whenever i see someone drinking a beverage with ice in it on a tv show, i think of that one tiktok of a prop master explaining how they make prop ice and the many different kinds they can do. i think this looks like glass ice to me. shoutout to people who make videos about props; you make my heart very happy)
BRO... THE TAPE JUST APPEARS. KRYCEK HAS ENTERED????? but the guy who shot skinner is there too!!! and is holding krycek at gunpoint!!!!
cig man watches krycek's eyes go all inky (correction: OILY) and black. omg……
cancer man is rolling up 15 minutes late for the UN alien meeting. lmao it's funny in a way. he moved the ufo to a new location! he promises it will be absolutely inaccessible.
someone asks why he won’t bring it to nevada like the others. probs because even the normies know about nevada as the alien place. dweeb.
GASP! they want answers for what happened to skinner. cig man says for all he knows, it's just random. even though they have a drawing of the guy who did it, who is “one of his”, he’s denying it. AND THEY’RE ALL GROANING BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HIM FOR A SECOND LMAOOOOOOO
(so funny to me that despite being on the super secret alien council, cig man still manages to be unprofessional and lie through his teeth to people who seem far more competent, even when secrecy effects the entire planet. something very funny about him lowkey sucking at his job)
so he needs to get the shooter out of the country NOW or else skinner can make an ID and no one can stop the arrest!
back to the agents trying to piece things together. the lone gunmen are babbling on about how to best find what was written on the case but mulder has the secret: rubbing a lil pencil over top LMAOOO. he finds a phone number!!
and who picks it up when he calls but… the un alien club!!!
it’s the well groomed man!!! mulder says krycek gave him the number. and he asks to meet with mulder. allegedly in central park? is this a trap...
so, the dude who did the shooting is named luis. the other agents are saying to scully they can’t look any further than they already have, but she says keep looking, she’s seen stranger. and the lab guy says “i believe she has” when she leaves lmaoooo GET UP. he's down bad fr. pathetic. get up.
i mean i am too but i'd like to think i'd have more dignity about it
mulder in da park. is he alone… are they gonna get him??? the well-groomed man meets him. they’re playing some mental chess with who can ask each other what. so he tells mulder there WAS a ufo at the bottom of the ocean that was shot down during ww2, and a salvage attempt had been made, but there were complications.
so it looks like they’re both looking for krycek. but the well groomed man leaves by saying “anyone can be gotten to”. very very ominous. and mulder calls scully and says check on skinner RIGHT NOW.
she gets down there and he’s NOT THERE??? apparently he was moved to a different hospital. WHO TOOK HIM?????
scully slaps her badge on the door of a ambulance on the side of the road and asks if he’s got a skinner in there. this dude says yeah and he must be freaked tf out, but she’s coming along for the ride now.
skinner wants to know what she’s doing here, and she says she just wanted him to be safe. she pulls her gun out and opens the door and WHO IS IT BUT LUIS!!! WHO FIRES AT SKINNER!
TRAFFIC GUNFIGHT CHASE!!! luis just got hit by a CAR!!! she got him!!!
and she’s SCREAMING at him. screaming like we have never heard before, are you the man that killed my sister??? he’s begging for his life. he says he can tell her where krycek is…
the police roll up, telling her to put the gun down. and she sadly holds up her badge and explains that she’s basically the police but actually better so y’all are kinda late to the situation. they take him into custody. and she’s tearing up. i do not trust that he doesn’t have a poison tooth in there.
she calls mulder, who is rummaging through his car, and tells him that he was right, someone was going to kill skinner. and it IS the man who shot her sister. and allegedly krycek is going to north dakota. mulder says please meet me in new york with two tickets to north dakota asap.
what’s in north dakota, she asks? the salvaged ufo!!!
cut to north dakota cam. agents are rolling up, and how terribly i wish i could see what happened on the flight and ride up to there. how tense the silence was, how valiant the attempts at breaking it were. UGH. someone pls write the fic someday i’m already emotional.
she’s got a vest thing on and it’s cute. i get that we have bigger things at hand but i can still appreciate a vest moment!!
they go into a silo... but the door locks behind them!!! they go 8 stories down!! that is a lot!!!!
now they’re opening a door to what looks like a nuclear waste thing. idk i don't know much about nukes. but it’s just a big empty silo. so they have to check 199 more.
except they hear a thunk in the tunnels!!!
scully finds one of the (barely alive?) burn victims that had been flash banged by krycek just as mulder announces “he’s here”, and a large group of soldiers runs in
OH! they go to start running from the soldiers and he grabs her. it was so subtle but so sweet. i’m gonna gnaw at something.
NOOO! they’re surrounded!!! and cancer man is coming up. she yells that they saw bodies in there and he says “you saw nothing” <- wow absolutely garbage fellow has sunken further than even before by adding gaslighting to his resume
so they’re getting taken into custody but cancer man is going deeper, and he tells the soldiers to take the bodies away. he goes down to the nuclear thingy, and lights up, which i feel would be a bad choice in a circumstance where things were actually nuclear, but okay.
we see something very dark and oily? and hear people throwing up. OH! it’s krycek, with the black stuff pouring from his eyes and mouth. on top of a triangular looking ufo. the oil is pouring into a spiral thingy? and it gets sucked up.
MULDER AT HIS DESK WITH HIS GLASSES ON!!!! AND A HEALING CUT ON HIS FOREHEAD!!! could a man be any more attractive? it’s debatable.
knock knock. who is it? it’s skinner!!!! limping, and not supposed to be back in the office for a few more weeks!
mulder gets up to shake his hand and help him across the room. a right gentleman, he can be. OHHH so this is why i have seen those bloopers of skinner with a cane LMAOOOO
he’s looking for scully though lmao. yeah not interested in YOU, mulder.
mulder thanks him for getting shot because he stood up to the evil. he’s saying no, no, i wasn’t doing that, at all. i don’t know what you’re talking about. but not in a humble brag way, in a denying allegations sort of way. it's interesting. my brain is still stuck on this moment.
he says that he “mistakenly” believed he could bring melissa’s murder to justice. mulder says hey, what do you mean by that? so that is why skinner needs to go see her.
she's out and about, though. she’s bringing flowers to melissa’s grave NOOOOO :((((((( she doesn’t even say anything, she just sits there.
UNTIL MULDER COMES AND BRINGS FLOWERS TOO??? and she has to brace herself to see him.
he touches her shoulder gently before he sets them down. oh my GOSH
she tells him about how someone told her the dead speak to you from beyond the grave, and that is what a conscience is. he says that’s interesting, that he’s never thought of it that way. a man who sees her suffering and doesn't know what to say to make it better.
and she thought that finding the man who killed her would bring closure but it didn’t.
he grabs her by the arm at this point, and says he needs to talk to her. tells her that they found luis dead. whoever was behind it all tried to cover it up.
“i think the dead are speaking to us, mulder. demanding justice” <-stop. stop i’ll cry. you think i won’t cry? you think, for some reason, i won’t sob? i won’t collapse into a heap? you’d be incorrect. you’d be naive and mistaken. you’d be an utter fool, even in a world of fools.
(muffled screaming of me trying to keep it together)
but funny i should type that, because we also hear some muffled screaming on camera, that of krycek trapped in the ufo?? or in the room with it, deep in the nuclear silo?
episode ends with his screams.
WHAT!!!
so much has happened. and really one thing is on my mind: who is gonna hug scully? who is gonna tell her that the anger is okay, even if it’s futile? who is gonna hold the baddest woman alive close and listen? even if all she has to say is silence?
RAAAAAAAAH i’m gonna CRY.
i feel like i could write another thinkpiece here but i also feel like i need to let this one sit for a bit.
scully holding skinner’s hand, scully waiting by mulder’s bedside, scully saving skinner’s life, scully screaming, so guttural, at the man that killed her sister. scully in glasses and scully in vests and scully in coats. furious and devastating and calculating and guilty.
i have some major questions re: krycek and cancer man and why don’t they just deal with him already??? like for real. i know the answer is gonna be that someone from higher up would just replace him, but i do think it is funny how he goes about blatantly committing all those crimes and then clocks into work the next day like nothing happened. and no one can act like anything happened because they’ll tear the fbi down if they do. we all have a coworker like that, don’t we? that sucks terribly but you can’t do anything about it because the inside supports how terrible they suck? sigh. many such cases.
krycek, if i’m supposed to feel bad for you, i don’t. starve in that ufo and see if i give a damn.
skinner denying any concept of heroism… i think he’s doing it to keep himself safe. like he said to scully, any sort of accusations are risky. i don’t think he wants anyone to get the idea that he is a hero, even if he is in reality. i also think he has a complex and a great fear of being PERCEIVED as a hero after the things he did during war, and who knows what else he did but hasn't spoken about. but interesting still that he would deny a gesture as simple as being thanked.
there are many dots in my head. i would like to think they are connecting, but honestly i’ve got matty healy dupe mr. mulder on my mind still just because it was so funny. and then also scully angst. and a deep deep desire to get into that car on the drive from the airport to north dakota, to just listen in on whatever went down. maybe i’ll have to write it if no one else does! isn’t that terrible? when no one else will write the exact thing you want to read, so you have to do it?
(i’ve actually never written fic before so that would be a major commitment. but a one shot here or there sounds interesting)
anyway. lots on my mind. it was a good episode, but kept a lot of things unsolved. which is the point, i know, but they dangle the answers in front of you!! then snatch them away!! i wanted a tiny bit more of the tea.
but i guess, on the other hand, we know what the tea is, don’t we? we know cancer man and the UN alien squad are hiding this, they’re aware that this alien creature can cause radiation, they’re aware of ufos and they’re covering them up. they might not be aware of the exact nature of the creature, but they ARE aware of it, and that it’s a weapon of mass destruction. what isn’t clear is how tf krycek got roped into this. but again i really dgaf about his loser ass.
i’m plotting. i’m pinning things on boards and tying them together with string. and then making predictions from there.
(actually, think it’s cool we see a bunch of different kinds of aliens on this show. there were the poison blood clones, standard alien 👽 fellow, and now the oil creature. fun that we get multiple perspectives and takes on what could be. perhaps scarier than just plain old little 👽, but!!! interesting for worldbuilding purposes)
back to plotting….
#it's interesting reading back (since i wrote these notes yesterday) but what stuck out to me the most were the quiet moments#the silence of their drive to the missile silo. mulder saying nothing as he dropped the flowers on the grave.#scully grasping skinner's hand and listening to his whispers. scully gently asking mulder what happened when he awoke in the hospital#there were lots of huge emotional moments like her screaming at luis and krycek dealing with the monsters he brought upon himself#but sometimes tragedy and profound themes are best told in the silence#how quiet her voice was when she said she though the dead were listening.#and the steely understated rage of telling the others that skinner needed to be guarded and begging the fbi for help#hmm. my brain is still turning these moments around in circles in my head#it was a really good episode! and i have a lot of thoughts! so many they get a bit ramble-y!#which usually means i was very invested!#let me know what you thought off each twist and turn and which moments made you the most emo! i want to know!#juni's x files liveblog#3x16#the x files#txf
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Miharu and Yoite are written to love each other, whether you interpret it as platonic or romantic or something unique. There are even little forehead kisses and hand holding and deeply sentimental hugs between Apathy Boy™ and the most touch-averse kid that you ever did see, just in case their other actions left any doubt about the fact that they love each other. And while a huge part of the tragedy is that they simply don't have time to talk about it or acknowledge it too closely, you can almost find humor in the "I'm probably gay but Yoite is dying and the ninja mafia is after us so I don't really have time for that rn" vibe
#tobias don't read this post yet#nno spoilers#nno thoughts tag#this is nothing profound I know but that's okay
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I feel like such a bad partner and my partner is so great it makes me want to crawl into a hole lol
#he’s so considerate and patient and conscientious and I feel like I never communicate in a way that is meaningful in any way#he’ll say something kind and thoughtful and profound and I’ll just say…yeah :)…and then mumble a few words in response#and I don’t know how to act any differently
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coloring practice bc idk how to do that
#dbz#dragon ball z#db#dragon ball#vegito#vegetto#the news hit as i was drawing this and it was a weird feeling#i know i dont draw anything particularly profound or moving. evidently#im awful at that stuff so i dont even try lol#but this character inspires me to create and grow in my own weird way#and i would not be the same without him#thank you for creating vegito toriyama#those are just my thoughts over the last few days#anyways. blue looks good on him i think#art
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Scene idea running through my mind; Lucifer full of despair after having his last meeting with God because he has been told the events of the future and the role he is supposed to play, far far away from everything he has loved, just for their sake, everyone’s sake, maybe even his own— and as he slowly walks, dazed and terrified, the young prince appears from a corner with a gentle smile, coming closer to his aid, worried over his apparent fears. In that instant he finally understands, and asks the naive prince if he wishes to have a taste of the tree of knowledge. When the prince accepts, both flaming souls meet and part away just as quickly. The prince can only realize what the action was when he sees the human do it, their lips meeting, their bodies trying to become whole again before they had been separated.
#bible fandom#archangel michael#lucifer#lucifer/michael#ramble thoughts:#i ahev many versions of lucifer as i have of michael#on of those being that lucifer. more specifically. the satan lucifer. is a being that knows his own future and willingly chooses#to be the executioner. the tester. the betrayer and the 'evil' all for the sake of God's plan. He is god's of his darkest aspects#and the brightest at the same time. he is no crestor of evil#but rather the personification of God's own 'evil' and each angel as well as demon personifies that.#and yet not all angels personify the good as not all demons personify the evil#for the sake of His plan. for the sake of giving everyone the kingdom of heaven. for the sake of Jesus's death not being in vain or for the#sake of everyone’s pain be for naught. he plays the devils advocate so that goodness triumphs in the end. Both Lucifer and God agreed to it#and Michael is one of the few that infers that as well. since he was made to be the extreme of Lucifer. not so much as to be profound#goodness like The Son or the Holy Spirit or even the prophets. but he is the extreme personification of servitude#he serves God as a chief. he serves humanity as a guardian. he serves nature as its rain. he serves justice to the vioceless#and he serves to be the one to cast Lucifer out so that The Satan could exist in the first place. even when it goes against all that he#loves. nein. even when they both have to go against their own love. they choose the world instead.#haha one of them burns the world for love and the other burns himself for love.
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