#professional paintball

[ripep]

[evolutiondevelopmentgroup]

Unleashing color-coded chaos on the paintball field with the Evolution Development Group crew! 🎨💥

[vidavalor]

Good Omens has shown us, among other things...

-Crowley pointing the paintball gun at Aziraphale and giving the office workers miraculous escapes from death *before* it showed us The Blitz, Part 2's Bullet Catch that shows us what he was referencing to Aziraphale by doing so

-Aziraphale's love of human magic and his vanishing coins act and Crowley grumbling about all of it *before* it showed us "the farthing has vanished!" and The Marvelous Mr. Fell and his "volunteer assistant" on stage in 1941

-The 1862 breakup *before* the 1827 scene that gives context for their traumas that led to the breakup

-The sexy lunch in 2008 *before* the ox rib date that started it-- all the way back in 2500 B.C..

-Crowley telling Aziraphale about his night dealing with the antichrist baby: "Well, not, delivered-delivered, just... handed it over" *before* professional midwife/cobbler Bildad the Shuite "birthing" Job and Sitis some "new" kids

-Crowley, alone, forced into the start of Armageddon by delivering the antichrist in a picnic basket *before* 1967, in which Aziraphale dreams of a world they could get to before they run out of time in which they could go on a picnic together

-Aziraphale looking to the side Crowley always comes up on when he hears the miracle sound in the sushi restaurant in 1.01 *before* we even know that Crowley always comes up in the same way from various scenes teaching us this

-Aziraphale's tartan obsession *before* its origin story, which is the date in Edinburgh in 1827 wherein he became spirituality Scottish and thought he lost Crowley and after which he adopted the tartan as a thing related to the two of them and never stopped wearing it. See also: showed us 1967 and the tartan thermos *before* explaining to us that the tartan isn't just something Aziraphale likes but is something with meaning to the two of them together as a pair

-Crowley rambling drunkenly about bananas, fish and gorillas in the bookshop *before* his and Aziraphale's 'banana fish gorilla shoelace with a dash of nutmeg' conversation over wine in 1941, showing us that he was drunkenly remembering in a scene in S1 a romantic scene in their history that we didn't know then and wouldn't know until S2

-Crowley & Aziraphale dining at The Ritz in 2008 in 1.01 *before* we even know that was The Ritz or why it matters that it was, which they don't tell us until the final, romantic moments of S1

-Crowley obsessively growing a large, lush, overhanging canopy of plants in his apartment *before* telling us he's got a thing for vavoom-y erotic gazing and kissing under the shelter of canopies the likes of which have never been seen in a Richard Curtis film

So, my dear, dear loves... explain to me why I'm not going to be adding to this list next season:

-that heartbreaking 2.06 kiss *before* the first one they had a bazillion years ago?

[glitter-stained]

Also mostly from my civilian AU, here are sports that I can see the batfam do as non professional hobbies. Kinda scared to post this ngl, I feel like some of y'all will not share the vision, but also it's really not that deep

Barbara: Okinawa Kobudo, she's especially proficient with the bo

Dick: juggling (will do it at any given moment, no warning)

Cass: dance, obviously ballet but I could see her doing other dances too, maybe contemporary jazz and acro-stuff, I just want her to have fun and explore all the possibilities.

Jason: maybe my biggest hear me out, figure skating. He has the balance, the flexibility, the creativity and sensitivity. When I used to play the piano, there would be this form of vulnerability and emotional drifting in synch with the music, when you pour your heart into creating and in return feel transformed, which is something that never happens when I write or draw although I love those things. I can definitely see Jason going to ice skate when things are messy in his head and getting into that sort of similar headspace.

Steph: Roller Derby

Tim: skateboarding

Duke: I'm thinking parkour (I see a lot of videos of parkour in sort of indoor gyms with bars and structures that looks really fun and challenging, that's what I'm picturing)

Damian: I don't picture civilian Damian doing that many sports but if I had to choose maybe karate? Open to suggestions

Harper: paintball/ laser tag (she designed the guns. If she likes you they're just lasers).

Kate: general conditioning & athleticism + male gymnastics, because that's an almost completely different discipline and she likes that one better

Bruce: generic conditioning/weight lifting lifting, gotta pick that body in peak condition to carry his colony of children on each arm. He's also proficient in bike football from that one time he went to Germany.

Luke: kite flying (with complex, beautiful kites of he designed himself)

[evermourning]

chan x gn!reader | drabble | wc: 0.5k

| based off the most recent skz talker and the fact that i cannot paint my own nails 😭😭

chan loves to help you paint your nails.

you are sitting on the sofa, chewing on your lip in concentration. in your non-dominant hand, you shakily hold the brush, attempting to make the paint come out smooth and professional. you would've gotten them done at a nail salon, but you've just been so busy...and what was so hard about doing it yourself? hell, if your boyfriend did his own, you'd be fine.

you are, in fact, not fine, because it looks like the remnants of a paintball massacre are splayed over your hands. it is so damn frustrating.

"baby, i'm home!" chan says eagerly, throwing open the door. "god, today was so long...i'm so happy to be home with you."

he sees you on the couch and absolutely melts. he hasn't even noticed your dismay. his coffee-colored eyes are swimming with adoration. just seeing you, even for a minute or two, is enough to make his day.

he sets his things down swiftly, coming to bombard you with kisses, but stops abruptly when you try your best to signal that your hands are full and your nails are far from dry. instead, he settles for using one hand to maneuver your head so he can press a soft kiss to your lips.

it's gentle and romantic, and he savors the display of intimacy until it feels like eons have passed by, and his long eyelashes flutter open and a dazzling smile stretches across his face. his lips part, as if he's about to bless you with some lovely hymn, and then his eyes fall to your hands, splattered with nail polish.

his trademark squeaky laugh can be heard reverberating through the home.

"awww, do you need some help?" he giggles, his hands trailing down your body until he reaches your own hands, and he takes the brush from you. "may i?"

here you are now, sitting cross-legged on the floor across from chan as he expertly paints your nails one by one, blowing on them when needed and using a small cotton swab to dab at the parts that he messed up on. once he's done, he admires his work.

"absolutely lovely. it's so good on you, babe." he compliments wholeheartedly, leaning in to place a quick peck upon your nose. "i mean...you can pull off everything, since you're so stunning. so damn ethereal. but this is just your color, you know?"

you look away, knowing you're getting flustered by his words.

"hey, keep those pretty eyes on me." he murmurs, his arm wrapping around you, his hand rubbing gentle circles upon your soft skin. "we still have to paint mine so we can match!"

@evermourning, ©2023. all rights reserved.

[risewriter]

ROTTMNT: Shot

Donnie: Mind joining me in a fight of color and despair, my dear brothers? Leo: Hokay what's the catch? Donnie: Nothing. Just some healthy paintball competition. Mikey: *Grabs a controller* I'm in! Raph: I bet he's going to kill us the second we hop into the game. Donnie: Nonsense! I only played 54 hours of this game, I'm not a professional yet- Mikey: Hm.. which button does what? *Shoots Donnie in game by accident* Oops.. Donnie: I.. never died in this game before. Mikey: Don.. don't look at me all creepy like. It was an accident! Donnie: *Smiles omniously with a twitched grin* It's fine! I'm not hurt emotionally at all! *Runs to Mikey's in game character* I'm just gonna make sure you won't ever move from the spawn point ever again!

[shades-o-grey]

So... I don't remember if it is established but I feel it's implied and basically an unstated fact that Crowley and Aziraphale's bodies don't require human functionalities such as the need to use a lavatory, sweat or age. - Any change in their appearance is intentionally made and manifested by their will or as a reflection of their emotional state (they can still feel sensations and discomfort etc.)

Basically, their appearance doesn't experience any change unless they want it to Hair doesn't grow or develop, and they don't age- they don't accumulate dirt or get dirty unless outside factors affect them (soot from a burning car/bookshop - Paintball stains and flying birthday cake etc.). They do not even need to shower or bathe. (Although I think Aziraphale still would because of the whole, 'I'd still know it was there... underneath' thing and just the whole indulgence of the activity would delight him)

Having established these conditions I now ask you this -

What exactly does Aziraphale even do when he visits his barber?

We know Aziraphale is a creature of comfort and habit. He very rarely changes his appearance and latches on to the things he likes. His hair we know doesn't exhibit change throughout the centuries - he mostly goes for a change in facial hair style in favour of the times fashion.

My theory is that Aziraphale visits his barber annually (or perhaps semi-annually) at the same time and on the same day.

As part of his little ritual, I posit that he "miracles" his hair to grow 2 inches in length the very morning of his appointments to see his Barber only to get the length cut back to its usual state - exactly.

Do I think Aziraphale on the appointed days also allows a miracle of scruff on his chin for a shave? Personally... No- I feel like Aziraphale would have a sensory issue / discomfort with the sensation of a dusting of small hairs groaning out of his face. But I do imagine he'd find the process of a professional shave quite relaxing and luxurious.

- Therefore I think he'd miracle a full fluffy beard just to have the satisfaction of having it lathered and shaved of again nice and smooth.

AND THEREFORE BEARD-ZERAPHALE MUST BE REAL!!!

Does he need to go to the barber? No? Does he experience the physical changes that would require a barber? Not unless he manifests them intentionally. Is it purely for self-indulgence? The relaxing routine experience of a haircut, a manicure, and a shave? Absolutely.

[sighed-the-snake]

Gun LOADED!

Many people are looking to the bullet catch scene to theorize that Aziraphale is going to fake Crowley's death in the next season, but I think there's another compelling scene from S1 that we should be looking at.

The one with the paintball guns, from S1.

Norm, from management, has a YELLOW cloth tied around his arm, as does the rest of his platoon. Yellow is known to be associated with Aziraphale, and by extension, angels. But I don't think this manager is representing Aziraphale. I think he is meant to represent Crowley.

"I wanted to be a graphics designer," he says. "Design LPs for the Rolling Stones."

Crowley was a graphics designer, of a sort. He made beautiful nebulas. I also think Crowley worked for management and held a high position.

"But the careers teacher said he hadn't heard of them. So I spent 36 years double-checking form BF-18."

The careers teacher is probably God. I get the feeling people in Heaven did not understand or appreciate Crowley's cleverness, didn't understand his work. Crowley was more of an artist than a bureaucracy guy. I wonder if becoming friends with 'Lucifer and the Guys' afforded him some professional freedom, a way to get away from form BF-18, as it were. Maybe Lucifer was his boss and allowed him to do whatever his little heart desired because having a clever subordinate who pulled off such complex work made him look good.

"They couldn't just say, 'Oh, Norman, we're giving you early retirement. Have a watch, bugger off and tend to your marigolds."

The mention of tending to marigolds is interesting here.

The British have something called gardening leave.

From wikipedia, "Garden leave (also known as gardening leave) is the practice whereby an employee leaving a job – having resigned or otherwise had their employment terminated – is instructed to stay away from work during the notice period, while still remaining on the payroll."

It's a sort of limbo period between leaving the company and no longer working for them. You don't go into the office, you're not allowed to contact your former business associates, but you're still getting paid, and you're expected to respond if they call you for assistance. Gardening leave could be a short period of weeks or months to let things calm down before you return because you screwed up, or it could be a prelude to getting fired, or forced into retirement.

Gardening leave sounds an awful lot like what Crowley has on Earth. He was literally sent to a garden to do a job, and he does not return to Hell after. He remains. He lives a posh life with a expense account and a lot of freedom compared to other demons. Furfur remarks on the unfairness of it. Crowley appears to be given assignments once in a while but otherwise I don't think much is expected of him - again, compared to other demons. We've seen the way they're crammed in down there.

(Why he's on gardening leave is a speculation for another day.)

"Well, if they want war," Norm says, knotting his RED necktie around his head, "we're going to give them war. Okay, guys, let's get the bastards."

Clearly, this is when Crowley in Heaven says to himself, "Fuck it, I hate these guys, let's brawl."

And then he turns around and is promptly shot in the heart by the RED team.

He staggers dramatically. He falls. We see the life leave his eyes.

Except it's a trick. One that Norm is not privy to. He thought he was dead as much as everyone else.

But Norm raises his head and looks, bewildered, at the bullet hole in his pocket. He's made a miraculous escape. It mirrors the age-old TV trope of having some hard metal thing in his pocket to deflect the bullet.

In a way, I think this is supposed to represent Crowley's fall from Heaven that he did not see coming, but with S2 and the bullet catch adding context, I think this entire scene holds more meaning.

The thing is, part of writing a good story is including echoes of your theme.

Every single romantic relationship in Good Omens mirrors Crowley and Aziraphale in some way (I'll write more on that later, probably).

Adam and his friends being reflections of the Four Horsemen.

The bookshop being an echo of Eden. The repetition of the "leaving the garden" theme at the end of both seasons, with S1 burning down the bookshop, and S2 with Crowley and Aziraphale leaving it behind.

Twice now, once in each season, there has been a theme of bullets, of getting shot, of miraculously not dying, and no one expecting it.

I'm pretty confident that in S3, Supreme Archangel Aziraphale is going to have his hand forced. He's going to have to execute Crowley for something he has done to meddle with Heaven's plans. And I think Aziraphale is going to have to pull a fast one with very little planning to fake his boyfriend's death.

I can picture it now, with Aziraphale saying something ridiculous to the crowd of witnesses like, "FLAMING SWORD LOADED!" to drop the hint, and the crowd sighs inwardly over what an idiot Aziraphale is, but Crowley looks at him like, "What the fu- oh, we're doing a bullet catch."

[auspicioustidings]

Brain rotting in concepts rn cause i wanted to continue “Committed to the bit-“ and in the process i thought of such a fun concept that i just had to share-

Briefly in the “mandatory Dungeon’s and Dragons” oneshot (which btw- such a good fic one of my fav’s after going through like ur whole blog lol) You brought up TF 141 in paintball. And i’ve just had such a fun idea.

Consdier: Reader who is corralled into going to paintball with their shitty friends, who are only really going with the intent of ganaging up on reader. They go in an uneven number tho- (cause they were all gonna be on one team and have reader by themselves-) When the workers there are like- “Oh well- there is another group here.” Dunno why the 141 would be there, maybe another situation like the DnD one-shot where they’re being forced. And so, poor sweet reader who clearly was expecting this to be a liebe experience, gets to have the joy of 141 seeing them and deciding “yeah, you’re pretty and your friends are assholes- you need more ppl for a proper team? Cool, we’ll be on yours.”

Just image the pure shenanigans of it all, reader getting some well earned revenge and the whole debacle ends up them them losing their friends- but gaining (1)4(1) more <3

I kid you not I have had 'Airsoft AU - you keep beating military men at airsoft and they are going to lose it' sitting in my phone notes since September :') Just one of those concepts that I love to think about but cannot write.

I prefer having the reader be their bitter rival because wtf why is this civilian rocking out shit? This is so humiliating oh my God Kate WHY DID YOU TELL FARAH WE LOST TO A CIVVIE TEAM STOP IT WE ARE NEVER LIVING THIS DOWN :( Only way of redeeming themselves is obviously to ruin your winning streak in any way they can.

It would be really fun to then have your take on it follow that, when they already view you as their arch-nemesis they show up on a surprise visit thinking if they can take you off guard with a game they might have an advantage (that's just psychological warfare bby, totally legit, it is not CHEATING Farah shut up). And you are sad? And getting ganged up on by the people you have been carrying any time you are played against them? Like you are the one that is beating them really, the team has always just been benefitting from taking orders from you.

Absolutely not? Are they fuck going to let anyone beat you that isn't them. So even though you are so embarrassed at first when you see them because your most fun games have been against these guys and the banter is always so good and oh my God they're about to find out that you are tragically uncool, they immediately are joking around with you and offering to take you on their team.

"Aye, come tae our team and we'll show ye how the professionals dae it." "Wild thing to say when you've never beaten me but sure thing Suds." "My real name is John. Johnny if it's you. It's nice tae actually meet ye bonnie."

[verdemoun]

What does everyone do for a job in the modern era?

i love posts like this where i just get to list the gang. thank u. i also think this is the first official complete list of all the canon timewarpers!

dutch: institutionalized, professional case study for psychologists hosea: retired, he earned it arthur: professional extra pair of hands. just helps people. later technically works for charles, despite charles insisting they're equals john: tradesman! specifically, a residential framer and carpenter javier: state-paid carer for kieran bill: ranchhand, ironically at the modern macfarlane ranch micah: seasonal paintball attendant. trucker in the off-season charles: self-employed handyman sean: pizza delivery driver. that is all lenny: professional student and later lecturer sadie: homesteader! she really went back to her pre-1899 life karen: stay-at-home mom and housekeeper uncle: retired. gang often ask when he wasn't retired abigail: after studying, became a professional assistant grimshaw: bartender and manager. she loves it strauss: insurance agent. he loves it, and his bosses love him trelawney: time-wimey man is still a con-artist kieran: he's on disability payments, finally not surviving for survival molly: influencer queen who preaches self-love and self-defense davey: imprisoned. maybe stocking shelves for the bit but right to jail mac: worked at a wholefoods before joining bill as a ranchhand jenny: waitress! she loves it, her boss approves of pouring hot coffee on the lap of creeps annabelle: human rights activist and UN ambassador bessie: womens history professor, we love an educated queen jack: unemployed writer who accidentally writes a bestseller isaac: mechanic but far more passionate about his hobbies eliza: also a waitress! ironically the same diner as jenny, though they didn't realize they were both timewarpers for months jake adler: homesteader with sadie, like they always should've been alden: everyone's favorite postman, still a postman

[iheihairu]

My entry for @tokyoghoulartfight2024 ! Team Doves 🕊

(My main blog is @dollpartcollective, but I'm participating from this one!)

Nanamiya Ayano. 20. Rank 2 Quinx. Ukaku user. Quinque name: The Bitch Hunter.

It's not my OC if she's not in love with Haise 🫢

Personality-wise, she's a bit crass. A lot silly. Good at what she does, but not particularly "professional." She has a temper but it's largely playful in presentation. She's a liiiittle gyaru but most of it is suppressed. Despite her seemingly laid back personality, she does get down to businesses and gets annoyed when others aren't locking in. She will not hesitate to shout a "hey?? What the FUCK do you think you're doing??!" when "hoes slack."

Likes: Makeup and dress up. Paintball, laser tag, any competitive shooting game (bad aim; spray shoots). Seafood, especially Japanese street food like takoyaki. Music, singing, dancing, karaoke. Mutsuki is her self proclaimed BFF.

Dislikes: When people have "stand still disease." She gets frustrated with freeze responses. Messes. Waking up super early. Having to mask her personality to be taken seriously. Bad sports. Audacity. Coffee.

I am okay with: NSFW, Gore, ship art, literally anything tbh. You could hate her and beat her up and Id be like 🥹 They're rivals 💕 LOL

[ripep]

TDSM

[coulsandies]

mdzs headcanon of the day #82 !

wei ying is SUCH an adrenaline junkie. he’s done everything and more - skydiving, swimming with sharks, bungee jumping, you name it, he’s probably done it. he’s traumatized both jiang cheng and huaisang when he asked them to do parkour but with professional bounty hunters hunting them down with paintball guns so now he has to find a new buddy to do all of these things with

[littleplantfreak]

Paintball headcanons 2

This one's got Kiryu, Taiga, Kaji and Umemiya but it's under the cut for everyone's sake

I started rereading the manga and totally procrastinated this T-T

Mitsuki Kiryu

-Kiryu would actually rather be playing the shooting games on his phone than paintball but he hes still a solid player I think.

-Has the sickest outfit for paintball despite never having played.

-He prefers something like capture the flag or playing the "medic" roll in a game where he can bring his teammates back up.

-If he took his partner I think he'd just adapt to however they want to play. If they want to go pretend they're John Wick he'll back them up no question, but he's also super patient for whoever is nervous or just has no idea how to play.

-Also manages to match his and his partner's outfits or at the very least accessories. There WILL be a photos showing off how cute they are and yes they will be going to the groupchat.

Taiga Tsugeura

- Tsuge-chan is probably one of the the funnest to play with. He's loud and tends to draw fire his way because of it, but honestly he's having the time of his life.

- Pulls off cool stunts and rolls like he's in an action movie. If he has a partner who goes wild and wants to be John Wick like I was saying before? Now there's John Wick and Rambo running around and it's chaos.

- His stamina's insane so he's the type that can play for hours without a break. Loves that it's a good work out (me too).

- Tsuge forgets for a moment his partner is with him and leaves them further behind than he'd like but apologizes profusely if they get hit because of it. Coos and worries over bad bruises his partner might get afterward and has a full medkit in his bag. He definitely babies them after seeing them sore and offers to carry them even if they weren't hit anywhere near their legs.

Ren Kaji

- He has a special playlist for paintball (and pretty much every event you can think of.)

-Uses gum/smaller candy instead of lollipops because its easier with a mask. Won't share it with anyone unless it's his s/o.

- I feel like he'd be THE paintball monster everyone's afraid of going one on one with. If Kaji was the predator in a Predator vs. prey event everyone's screwed tbh no one will make it out alive unless everyone gives their 100% with teamwork and strategizing.

-If he takes his s/o, they stay completely safe for the entire game and literally no one can get near them. Guard dog privileges are many and he'll share a headphone with them if they wanna listen to music with him.

-Probably parkours around the fields like spiderman.

Umemiya Hajime

- Usually the President his team tries to keep safe. Isn't given a gun if he IS in the president's role cause it'd be too unfair an advantage.

- He praises people even on the other team if they do something super impressive or gives them advice when they're struggling. Never takes it too seriously and will not let anyone get hurt.

- When he plays normally, he tends to move around from place to place checking on everyone. Calls his shots and his accuracy is damn near professional.

-Definitely got shot because he stopped to look at the wild plants if they're playing in actual fields/woods.

- If his partner is with him he doesn't mind being on opposite teams but won't shoot them even if he's the last one on his team standing. He's super sweet and unfortunately for him, they can distract him just by being present which can also get him tagged without noticing it.

[sofasoap]

Lastochka AU - Strange battlefield

Pairing : Nikolai x F!Reader ( OC/Mini MacTavish)

Summary: Nikolai is focusing his energy too much on protecting something that is very precious to him. His wife's backside.

AU to my Lastochka series

WARNING: Mature to Explicit Theme. swearing, violence. Crack Fic. I repeat. Crack fic. don’t take it so seriously. Swearing, talk of gore, Smutty smut talks. apologise for any inaccuracies to military and paintball related. never been military nor played paintball before.

A/N : The meaningless crack plot continues.

masterlist

The tension in the air is unbearable. 

Your husband (on paper.. And in bed,nothing more! ) your brother, Task Force 141 and Unit one of Chimera and a small group of your workmates shivering in a corner on your right. 

Group of cocky professional paintball players, Kortac members and a few little overconfident teenagers to your left.

You can almost smell the bloodbath that is to come. 

You swear to heaven, you never meant for this to happen. 

You knew you should have kept quiet about it….

“Paintball??” 

“Team bonding stuff. My boss wanted us to learn to cooperate better as a team.” you rolled your eyes as you tossed the cubed up cucumber into the salad bowl.

“Sounds like fun.” Gaz commented. 

“Well, fun for you boys maybe, I never played paintball before but I saw my friends coming back with bruises and aches after the game!” you huffed as you finished dressing the salad. Picking up the phone as you move around the kitchen island and carrying the salad bowl towards the little dining table. “I don’t want to come back to work with a sore butt and can’t sit down for the rest of the week..”

“Why would your butt be sore? I didn’t smack your ass that hard last night did I?” Nikolai suddenly appeared by your side with a bottle of wine.

You let out a little scream, nearly dropping the phone. “ Nik! Fuck I didn’t even hear you coming in through the door.” you complained. Nikolai just laughed and gave you a kiss on the cheek. 

“Uh, I better let you go. I’ll goss with you later on Mini!” Gaz chuckled as he gave Nikolai a wave before ending the video call. 

Chucking the phone to the table, you pouted as Nikolai circled his arm around you, pulling you close. 

“Stop sneaking around like a ninja Nikolai. You're going to kill me one day with a heart attack!”  you chided him. “Set the table. Dinner will be ready in ten.”

Nikolai often comes over for visits since what you labelled “Contract marriage” almost a year ago. Taking you out on dates, spoiling you with gifts, giving you a damn good time in bed. 

But what the two of you often do the most is, sharing a quiet meal together in your apartment.

It feels.. Domestic. Like a married couple.

Well, the two of you ARE married. 

What scares you the most, part of your heart actually doesn't mind it. 

“So what is the deal with your butt.” he asked as he took a sip of the wine. 

“Can you let go of my butt please? It has nothing to do with my butt…sort of.” you proceed explaining to him about the team bonding event over dinner.

Nikolai was silent after you finished your spill and complaint. Which you find quite unusual. But you can almost see gears turning above his head. Knowing him and with your sixth sense you know he is up to something. 

Your hunch was right when you heard the muffling sound of him talking on the phone while you were in the shower. 

“Gather Unit one at the location next Saturday, 1000 hour, on the dot.” You overheard Nikolai growling into the phone. “Why?! Because some ass-shit is going to bruise my Lastochka’s perfect butt!! You think I will let that happen?” 

Ok, what the hell is he planning now? You frown as you scrub and wash your hair.

“Good. That is sorted. I shall contact Price about more details.” 

He is getting your brother’s team involved too? This isn’t going to end well. 

The rest of the conversation was muffled by the sound of the water as you rinsed yourself.

You decide to confront him about it as you sit on the bed, legs crossed and Nikolai carefully brushes all the knots out of your hair. 

“So what secret plan are you brewing behind my back my dear husband?” You asked, turning your head slightly, looking up at him.He shrugged his shoulder, fending innocence. “Oh, nothing much, just planning how to best spend next weekend… protecting my assets.” he replied as he gently turned your back to face the front, resuming the brushing. 

“And that asset happens to be…?”

“Your lovely ass.” 

You are pretty sure he has a serious obsession or fetish around your ass. 

“Don’t worry, Lastochka. I know what you are thinking. Everything will be fine. I promise you.” he tries to soothe your doubt, but somehow,with his track record? you just don’t believe his words. 

… and you were right when you saw your brother’s team turn up on the day, in full military gear, minus the weapons. 

“Mini!” Soap laughed as he stride towards you, lifting you up high, twirling you around before passing you down towards Ghost, Gaz and finally Price for a less dramatic greeting. 

“What are you boys doing here?!!” you asked as you smooth down the hair your brother had messed up. You already know why they are here, but you just want to get the answer out of their own mouth.

“To help you, of course.” Soap replied as he hooked his arm around your shoulder. 

“I don’t need any help. Besides, this is a company event, we don’t need professionals like you guys to… disrupt the game.” you wrinkled your nose, arguing. “And Captain, why did you agree to this!” 

“I owe Nikolai a favour.” Price tilted his head as he took a puff of his cigar,looking resigned. “Besides, it’s a great way to let out some stress and steam without killing anyone.” Price added. 

Mmmm. He does have a good point there. Can’t argue with that. 

“Ah! There’s my beautiful Lastochka!” Nikolai bellowed as he spotted you between the boys. He carefully gathers you up in his arms, dotting you with kisses. 

“Chimera! This is my Ненаглядная here.“ your cheek heated up as he introduced you to his team. “Remember, cover her ass at all costs, that is our aim today. There's a bonus for anyone who is successful in achieving the task!” The whole team cheered at Nikolai’s words. What, now your ass is a commodity for gaining bonuses? You glared at Nikolai, but he doesn’t seem to notice, still smiling proudly as he subtly grabs your ass. 

“Ass?” Ghost asked, although you couldn’t see his face, you could almost hear the confusion and frown through the voice. 

You buried your face in your hand. “Please, don’t ask.” You are too embarrassed to explain the whole story to him. Oh yes, my ass was the whole point of gathering all you elite soldiers to this child play. 

You will never admit that to them. 

“Looks like we have unexpected company.” Price ‘s voice dropped as he interrupted the conversation, looking over you and Nikolai’s shoulder at the group of people getting out of their 4wd drive. Everyone turned and frowned while you were confused. Looks like more soldiers have arrived, but why does Nikolai and everyone else seem to be quite hostile towards them?

You spotted a strange man , taller than Simon, marching towards them, full of purpose.

“Colonel.” Price nodded towards the hooded man, keeping his tone neutral. 

“Captain, Commander.” The tall man with a hood with a strong Austrian accent greeted both Price and Nikolai curtly.“Fancy to see your teams here.” 

“My exact same thought.” Nikolai jeered as he pulled you closer into his embrace, his protective instinct kicks in. “So, what are a bunch of second rated PMC doing here on this fine sunny day? “

“Well, why are a bunch of you criminals and Pommies..” 

“I AM SCOTTISH!” Soap yelled out. 

“Fine. Criminals, Pommies AND barbarian are doing here.” the hooded man asked as he rolled his eyes.

“Having fun.” Price grunted out, clearly displeased with the insult. 

“Well, if you want to make it more fun, let’s have a competition.” The hooded man suggested. He leans closer towards the two commanders. “Let’s go against each other. This should also serve as a settlement between the unresolved… dispute we have on Ishika island.”

“Deal.”

Now this is turning from a team building event into an unofficial settling of an international war dispute session? 

Your boss pulled you aside as everyone scattered to gear up.

“I was meaning to ask… who are these people you brought along with you? And who exactly is your husband?” they asked, with fear in their voice.

Soldiers and professional killers? Oh my husband is actually the leader of a PMC and ex-elite agent. OH,don’t worry, he is very nice. Sometimes.   Was what you wanted to say, but your boss probably thinks you are an utter nutcase. So instead, you patted their shoulder and reassure them everything will be fine. 

Or are you trying to reassure yourself? 

Nikolai was banned from following you around. 

“You get too distracted, Commander.” Yuri warned, Nikolai opened his mouth to protest, but his second-in-command raised a hand to stop him. “Stay off your wife’s ass. She would be alright. Iskra!” Yuri called out. “ Have Mini by your side. And make sure the Commander doesn’t get too close to her.”  

You tried unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle that was escaping your throat. It was refreshing to see Nikolai shrinking and dejected. You couldn’t help but walk up to Nikolai and give him a kiss on the cheek. His eyes brightened up instantly as your gesture comforted him. 

Yuri turned around and started barking orders towards your boss and colleagues, assigning a few of the Chimera soldiers to be their guard. 

The game was easy enough to understand. Capture the flag from your opponent’s territory and run back towards your own. It was fascinating how different both teams worked. The strategies they used, stealth vs open attack, one vs one, group attack. The amount of command and communications that goes back and forth via the radio comm, you were barely able to catch up with all the military lingos. You really see them taking this whole thing quite seriously. 

Iskra turns out to be a pretty good bodyguard and teacher. She instructs you where to hide, the best way to ambush an enemy, you even get a few shots against some of the cocky teenagers and professional soldiers. You are starting to have a bit of fun too. 

By the time afternoon tea break came around, both teams were head to head with their score. You can sense the frustration from each side as they all glare at each other as they replenish themselves. 

Your luck eventually ran out when you felt your energy and concentration level started to wane in the late afternoon. 

Iskra and you were dashing between the obstacles, trying to get closer towards the enemy base as the others were doing their best to create diversions. As you were about to dash behind a boulder, you felt something hitting your butt,making you let out a yelp as you felt the intense pain that followed split seconds later. Iskra turned her head and looked at you, eyes wide. You pushed her towards the fence as you caught a glimpse of the gun raised again, taking aim at her. Both of you dodged in time as you saw the splash of paint landed on the ground. 

“Sitrep,little bird.” as if on cue, Nikolai’s voice crackles through the comm. 

“I am out for the round. Got hit on the butt.” you reported back as you limped towards the dead area. 

Suddenly you heard a collective gasp via the radio.

“.... WHO.” Nikolai growled. You can almost feel his anger emitting through comm.

“Um. I am not sure, but I caught a glimpse of a guy with a hood over his face…” you tried hard to recall as you sat down gingerly on the bench in the dead area, overlooking the whole field.

“Krueger? Did he accidentally shoot you?” Yuri’s voice perked up.

“No, he was in front of me at the time.. Definitely not him.” 

Then there’s only one other possibility… 

A string of curses in both English and Russian flowed out of Nikolai’s mouth. Oh, this is bad..…. 

“KÖNIG.” Nikolai snarled. “Those Kortac trash is going to pay for this. For damaging my Lastochka’s delicate butt. CHIMERA! ON MY COMMAND!!” 

Everything just descended into chaos afterwards. Rules were practically ignored, flags ignored, both sides just charged at each other, countless rounds of paintballs fired. Screaming, yelping, cursing in every language possible could be heard across the field. 

You swear you even heard your brother yelling out “FREEDOM!!! SCOTLAND FOREVER!!” at one point. 

You also noticed something as you sat and watched from the sideline, nurse your very sore ass. This is probably going to be the closest thing you will see your brother and friends in action. Showing their impeccable skills as elite soldiers. 

And there’s your hus..husband ( you mentally clear your throat as you are still getting used to that word after a year.) 

You have to admit there’s something quite alluring about seeing Nikolai in full combat gear.  Him in telnyashka, the aviator, the gold chain. 

The sudden urge of dragging him into the bush and fuck him is quite strong. 

The influence this man has over you is unbelievable. You turn into a very horny bitch every time he smiles at you, bickering and bantering about something insignificant. 

What the hell is wrong with you? You shook your head, trying not to think too much. You are here to enjoy the day out with your workmates, friends and family and even with the unexpected group of soldiers, not to have a philosophical reflection about your love life. 

By the end of the day, everyone was basically covered with a thick layer of paint and bruises all over. 

Strangely enough,everyone’s shoulders were relaxed and smiles across their faces as they walked off the field. Even your colleagues, as scared as they were at the beginning of the day, were cracking a few jokes and mingling around with the soldiers. 

Maybe Price was right, maybe this is a good way to get everyone to let out stress without all the actual bloodshed.

Alternative way to achieve world peace? Why can’t every dispute in the world be solved so easily like this? You lamented. 

“Lastochka!” Nikolai yelled out as he hurried towards you. He fretted as he helped you to pull off all the protective gears. “Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to a hospital?” 

You closed your eyes and sighed before you replied to him. “Nikolai, I was shot in the butt by a paintball. Not some live rounds. I think I should be fine.” you dimisses him. 

“I gotta check.” he frowned. Refuse to believe your words.

“What, right here?” you hissed. “Well, if you want to be an exhibitionist.. Is that one of your kinks?” Nikolai raised both of his brows, curious.

“Fuck no! Especially not right in front of my boss and my brother!!” You semi-yelled, attracting a few strange looks from the others. Not wanting to cause a scene, you lower your voice as you drag him towards his car, “Let’s get back to the car, and you can. Um. Inspect, if you are that worried.” 

After making sure no one else was looking on, you open the back passenger door, acting as a screen barrier just in case anyone walks by. You hissed as you pulled your pants down slightly, and turned around to try to get a good look at your injury.  A huge purple patch is already forming all over your butt cheek, and you know it’s going to hurt even more in the next few days.  

“Bend over, let me have a good look too.” Nikolai commanded, as he lightly pushed you into the backseat. Nothing sexual here, you tell yourself. Just him trying to get a good look… until you feel his lip gently kisses your butt. Your breath hitched. 

“My poor precious Lastochka.. Look at your beautiful ass..must have hurt a lot when you got hit…” his tone hardens as he recalls the incident. “ someone should be reprimanded for their incompetence in protecting you.. “  

“For fucks sake, Nikolai, it’s only a game! My butt isn’t destroyed forever, the bruise should fade away within a week or two. I can just put some creams on.” you chastised him for his unreasonable logic.

“What cream? Cream that I produce naturally?” You can hear the smirk in his tone. 

“Some PHARMACEUTICAL cream Thank you very much.” You replied with an inexpressive tone as you were ready to get up and pull your pants back up, but you felt his hand pressing you down again, slightly with more force. 

“Come on, We are going to be late to the pub dinner…” you stopped mid sentence as you felt him kissing your butt again as he slid a finger between your legs. You stifled another moan as he lowered himself a bit further, his mouth joining his fingers. 

“Don’t care. Let me have a good taste of you.” he purred. “Besides, there are studies of production of oxytocin that can help with lessening the pain and healing…” 

Oh now we are talking about science during sex? How arousing. 

“Well, stop talking about scientific studies, and get on with the experiment then, Commander.” you hummed, resigned. You know once he starts, he isn’t going to stop.

He did in fact incite a lot of oxytocin out of you, and apply some “natural” cream inside you, as you grip tight onto his shoulder, slowly riding him in the backseat of the car, him gently cupping your injured butt cheek as he try to distract you from the pain, sucking and biting lightly on your nipple. 

Two of you did end up getting to the pub a bit later than scheduled, causing a few raised eyebrows and teasing. But you got to live out that little fantasy of riding Nikolai in his gear, that is all it matters. Right? 

“Sorry about your injury Mini.” König apologised as the group of you stood outside the pub at the end of night. 

Nikolai let out a growl, but you just gave him an elbow in the stomach, keeping him quiet. “Be civil.” you turned back towards König with a smile plastered on your face. “Ah, no harm done. The bruises will heal. And thanks for your grandma’s apple strudel recipe!” you waved to him as he left with the rest of the team. 

“You two exchanged recipes?” Nikolai frowned, a hint of concern in and jealousy sipped through this voice. 

Nodding your head excitedly, you showed some pictures on the phone. “Turns out he is really good at baking, he even suggested joining the baking forum he is in that shares a lot of traditional recipes from around the world. I’m so excited to try it out!” 

He let out a snort through his nose, mumbling something underneath this breath, pouting like a toddler who had his toys taken away from him. Is that jealousy that you are sensing? Can’t be. You thought to yourself. 

He was pretty quiet in the car on the way home, one hand grasping yours, not letting it go. 

A strange tension stewing between the two of you, neither wanting to break the silence. 

“I’ll see you in a few weeks time, precious little bird.” He murmured into your ear after walking you to the door of your apartment.

Turning around to face him, your eyes widened, “You not staying tonight?” you whispered. Unconsciously leaning into him and grabbing onto his shirt. 

“I’m sorry little bird… We have to fly out early tomorrow morning for a few.. businesses. I’ll see you when we get back.” he apologises, eyes softened as he caresses your hair. You know what he does for a living, but you have noticed he never really likes to mention anything or even use any words related to what he does in front of you. Almost if he is scared of tainting you with the dirty words. 

So you were actually quite surprised that he dragged one of his units out today for a little civilian war game, just for you. 

What is this feeling? Little butterflies that you haven’t felt for quite a long time… 

“I feel bad… your team had to come out when you have work to attend to tomorrow..” you apologised, feeling very guilt ridden all of sudden. He patted your back and kissed your head. 

“They didn’t mind. I would be sending out another unit anyway so they will get plenty of rest.” he reassures you. “Now go in. get some rest. I will see you soon.”

Giving you one last soft kiss on the lip before parting, he turned and left the apartment. 

You stood by your front door, watching him leave, until he disappeared around the corner towards the bottom of the stairs. Why is your heart aching so much if you claim you don’t love him? Everytime you see him off. There’s that panic and fear that you will never see him again. Kill on the battlefield. 

It’s a rabbit hole you wish you hadn't jumped into.

But it’s too late. 

@homicidal-slvt

@nrdmssgs @siilvan @roosterr @preciouslittlecreature @bravosierra6 @gamergirlbones @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot @whydoilikewhump @alypink @ashwasherelol @okayyadriana @liyanahelena @miyabilicious @caramlizedtomatoes @deadbranch @celshideout @merkitty49 @abbeyrjm-blog

[airas-story]

Repercussions of Folly

“I made a mistake,” Tony said. Stephen paused, taking stock of Tony’s tone of voice. Not desperate or terrified, so whatever his mistake was, it wasn’t about to break reality or anything like that. 

“What did you do?”

Tony was quiet for a moment. “I made Peter and Harley paintball guns. And because that wasn’t enough, Ned and MJ showed up.”

Stephen grimaced, that was definitely a problem. “Yes, that would be—“

“Oh, that wasn’t the mistake. That was the prelude to the mistake,” Tony interrupted.

Stephen put down his book, because Harley and Peter with paintball guns was bad enough. How was that the prelude to the mistake? The two of them had probably already made a mess of the training grounds, ambushed half the Avengers, and accidentally ingested the paint somehow.

How he didn’t know, but he also didn’t doubt it.

Tony had hopefully foreseen that though and made the paint non-toxic for just that inevitability.

Peter and Harley were absolute menaces. That wasn’t even taking into account how much worse they were when being egged on, which both Ned and MJ would do, though for different reasons. Ned because he genuinely thought it would be a good idea, MJ because she liked to court chaos.

“What did you do?” he asked again. Because things could only get worse if that wasn’t the mistake.

“Look, DUM-E was feeling left out!” Tony defended, but the defense fell short. He knew exactly what he’d done and knew Stephen wouldn’t have any sympathy for him. “I couldn’t stand it. He was moping, dragging the fire extinguisher around like a teddy bear and making those little sad beeping noises he does when I throw out the oil-tainted coffee.”

“And just like when you throw out the coffee, you need to learn to resist. You don’t drink oil-tainted coffee to make DUM-E feel better, just like you don’t give DUM-E a paintball gun he can use.”

Though Stephen was, he admitted, curious to see how Tony had managed that when DUM-E had only the one claw. But he also didn’t put it past Tony to manage it.

“But, Stephen—“

Stephen shook his head, despite the fact that Tony couldn’t see it. “No. You do not give DUM-E paintball guns.”

“U felt left out, too.”

Stephen groaned. “Let me guess, your lab is a mess.”

Tony was quiet for a minute. “Maybe the whole compound? They wanted to join Harley and Peter and the others.”

Forget half the Avengers. Stephen was suddenly quite certain that every single one of them had fallen prey. 

“Why, exactly, are you calling me?” Stephen was not, under any circumstances, going to be present at the compound until all paintball guns had been confiscated.

Absolutely not.

“Well, you see… I was hoping that, as my loving husband, you would help me with the whole ‘there’s paint everywhere’ issue. I’m making everyone who participated clean the training area by hand.” As he should. “But… uh, it’s a really big compound and there’s a lot of paint.”

“And why would I do that?” Stephen asked. “The mystic arts are not a cleaning tool.”

Tony scoffed. “You say that, and yet I saw you reenacting Fantasia.”

“That was once,” Stephen defended, automatically glancing to make sure that Wong wasn’t there to give him the evil eye again. “And you’d be lying if you said you wouldn’t do the same in my position.”

Tony scoffed. “Of course I would.”

“Wong explicitly told me I was an idiot for that.”

“But he didn’t say you couldn’t do it again,” Tony pointed out.

That… that was actually true. It’d been implied, but Stephen was a professional when it came to ignoring implications he didn’t want to accept. Which Wong knew. Which meant that if he hadn’t specifically said not to, then really, it was almost the same as blanket permission to.

“Plus,” Tony added. “I’m having a hard time grounding everyone. Well, everyone minus Ned and MJ who I have no authority to ground. I need you to be the disciplinarian.”

Stephen scoffed. “No. Disciplinarian duties belong to you, because you’re the one who let this happen.”

“Exactly. They’re not going to take me seriously when I… might have joined in.”

Stephen closed his eyes. Of course, of course Tony had joined in. Stephen almost felt bad for all the other Avengers stuck in that compound with Tony and the kids. …Though if he had to guess at least half of them had given into the inevitable and joined in as well.

Children, all of them.

“Fine. But the moment someone tries to get paint on me, I’m banishing them somewhere unpleasant.”

“I have confiscated all paintball guns,” Tony defended. “If anyone gets paint on you, it’s not my fault.”

Stephen scoffed. “Oh, it’s your fault. If I’m pretending to be the disciplinarian, you’re going to get a lecture with the kids.”

“Fair enough,” Tony admitted. “Now come save me from the repercussions of my own folly.”