#processing through Fourth Wing's ending

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

More Processing through Fourth Wing's Ending thoughts with me & SPOILERS!!! Day 2… (maybe 3… idk time😂 I’m running on 3 hours of sleep forgive me) of processing Fourth Wing’s ending (I’m only 1 chapter in to Iron Flame) & perhaps sleep deprivation is making me weak😂 or time is clarifying wounds but I kinda feel opposite of a lot of previous opinions right now So…

I’m sorry, I love you Violet; and honestly a piece of me (probably trauma) gets why she’s so hurt by Xaden. As someone that’s dated the wrong people I get it… betrayal hurts. When you’re that close to someone, things get messy; and if your heart was given on a platter, before that trust breaks it is terrifying. If you feel like they didn’t know you, didn’t trust you, didn’t think you worth it; or maybe you didn’t know them, couldn’t, and you just wanted to love them so much; because you love them so much. It doesn’t always matter if they warned you, it doesn’t always matter if they welcomed you it just leaves you lost. Even if maybe this time it is a right person… but I feel more sorry for Xaden.

Xaden who was a child. A child. Paying not only for his parents mistakes, feeling the pain of it not only in their execution and the trauma of watching it; but for 107 innocent children’s parents mistakes. It was up to him to keep those kids alive, while being a grieving traumatized child himself. He holds the weight of the world on his back rather literally. And he has since he was a child… that is a very long time to create a habit… to learn most people cannot be trusted and experience the distrust of almost everyone upon a mere first glance. And on top of that he is one of the few people who know the truth of their world, who has nothing left to lose himself, but everything to lose for everyone else. While being one of the few (if not only) people who have the power to take that information and actually make a difference, to be unpredictable & therefore avoid a pre-known future, to have the power & use ability to use it. And save everyone; 107 innocent lives, and an entire country. All the while not being the only one, he is not acting with all the control, he is a part of a much larger wheel. Every move he makes is watched, is a risk, for himself, for all he has left, and all anyone else has.

And that is not to excuse behaviors: he did not lie to Violet but he did not tell her everything, yet he did tell her that. He told her time and time again and while it was a classic “I’m not worth it” prove him wrong, he also proved it right; he never said he could say that, give that… and wouldn’t it be odd if he did? If he was willing to risk all of it for a girl he hasn’t even known a year; a girl who is the generals daughter, and best friend to a mind reader who could easily use that connection to betray them without her even knowing it. And yes, it’s different because it is Violet: Violet who is just as intelligent, could help so much, who has power, and above all is good; she wouldn’t risk those kids either. But taking that leap in telling her, while worth it, the risk was so high I understand why it couldn’t have been.

And also while I hate the rift this creates within them a little bit of me thinks it’s the only way they can go forward because Violet joined the rebellion by choice. She didn’t join for a guy, she didn’t join out of force, she joined because she saw wrong in the world and wanted to fix it. Because she is trustworhy, and good, and powerful, and brilliant. And maybe now they can finally speak without all these state lines and war divisions and fear between them.

Minus the fact it’s horribly complicated by grief, guilt, anger, confusion, and someone to blame.

But in that I really can’t stand the idea of any of that blame being put onto Xaden because of all people he is grieving Liam; his brother. His brother who isn’t alive, or a secret weapon of a rebellion to come back… one of the few people who knew more to him, and he is chalked up to be just another rider, another mark, another dead rider caught in a war of wrong things paying the price for debts that were not his own; like so many before (and what I fear to be) many after. Xaden doesn’t need the blame he already feels the guilt. He gave everything to protect the children of the rebellion, and he just lost one; one of his best friends & only family members left. He did everything he could to prevent it… but also he gave everything for that rebellion once again.

And that’s not to say he does not love Violet enough to do something, or love his people enough; no one is expendable to him and he makes it known right there & then. Run, leave, live… he practically pleads it. And when they do not he gives what else he can to saving as many people as they can… in that he loses them, he loses the last people he loves to fight for in the midst of fighting so others won’t. When it comes to Violet he does break the rules, he takes the step, he would’ve stopped it had he needed to… he flies for Liam still… he tries.

And she has every reason to feel hurt, to take space, to heal. Hell, to go on. But stuck this close and this far from one another is agonizing because he fucked up but it’s because of the situation… and while he messed up, it’s not all his fault either. Nor is this the point that should matter most. And while I’ve previously taken her perspective I just wanted to give a moment for his own cause they are both pretty heavy.

Now final new-ish point on the subject of all the intermixed and frankly “blame-placing”: that being Dain. Who may or may not have known, and may I be wrong, may he have involuntarily given Violet up or truly not known what that cost would be… while wrong… I imagine the price of Liam’s life will weigh heavily. Fucked up as it may also be he does care for Violet, it might not be in the right way… but if he didn’t know then maybe the unfortunate truth is none of them are the ones at blame.

Which leaves once again the rising question of General Sorrengail who I think is going to have a big secret and do something good for the rebellion and the Empyrean leaders who are probably awful psychopaths as I anticipate if correct.

So idk what this is but I guess there’s another perspective.

[trickphotography2]

we can't be friends (but i'd like to just pretend)

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x unnamed female!reader, callsign Ladybug (story from Jake's POV)

Word count: 12.8k (sorry, it's a really long one)

Synopsis: Jake's not entirely sure how the bet came about other than being too drunk and maybe a little bored at the Fourth of July party. But after shaking on it with Yale, he agrees to help the new WSO - Ladybug - out with her crush on Rooster and figure out how to get the two of them to the Navy Ball together. With four months to get it done, it'll be simple. But when the reserved aviator is harder to get to know than expected, Jake has to push her to get out of her own way.

Written for @sorchathered Rom-Com challenge, with a prompt of She's All That

Warning: This fic does include angst (mentions of drunk driving and the aftermath, PTSD, loss of consciousness, and toxic men) with fluff

18+, minors DNI

Crossposted on Ao3 | My Masterlist

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The Hard Deck was busy for a Monday, which suited Jake just fine as long as he still had access to the dartboard and could flirt with some of the fresher faces while avoiding his previous mistakes. After a long day in the classroom, he was ready to let off some steam, and the pretty blonde thing by the bar looked like she’d do nicely. 

Downing the rest of his beer, he threw his last three darts, ending the game against Coyote with a decisive win and making his way to the bar. Yale and Omaha were there, but the rest of the Daggers were huddled by the pool table. As he passed, he could hear Phoenix telling everyone about the new WSO she was sponsoring that was finally arriving after her orders got pushed back - he still didn’t understand why she volunteered for the extra duty. Sponsors were great, but unless you had kids, getting established on a new base wasn’t hard - show up on time, figure out your housing, and report to command ASAP. There was no need to have someone hold your hand through the process. But that was just his opinion. If Phoenix wanted to spend her spare time being pen pals with folks moving to San Diego and running around to help them get settled, more power to her. 

Getting the blonde’s number was hardly a challenge, and she grinned at him while walking away to rejoin her friends. Jake motioned to Jimmy for another beer, and the older man quickly slid one over the counter. Moving closer to his fellow aviators, Jake leaned against the bar and surveyed the crowd. “Found yourself another tag chaser?” Yale chuckled, sipping his drink.

“Like shootin’ fish in a barrel,” Jake shrugged and smiled as the girl looked at him again. He threw a wink for good measure and saw how the friend group giggled.

The front door opened, and his eyes darted to the woman walking in. Even if she hadn’t been wearing her khakis, the god-awful birth control glasses that Bob also favored would have given her away as military. Jake let his gaze rake over the unfamiliar woman, clocking the double bars and wings as she looked around nervously. And then he heard Phoenix call out, and she looked up. 

Omaha looked up from his drink, tracking the woman as well. “Shit,” he hisses through his teeth before lifting his glass and taking a swig. “That’s Ladybug?” Twisting, Jake watched her reach Phoenix, who seemed to be introducing her to the rest of the crew.

“Ladybug?” Yale asked, straightening from where he leaned against the bar. His eyes tracked her as she moved, barely hiding a sneer behind his drink. 

“My new backseater,” Omaha sighed. Since Halo had gotten orders to Pensacola, the aviator had been waiting for his new WSO to arrive. 

“And would you look at that - girl’s swingin’ way out of her league.” Even from across the bar, Jake could see Ladybug blushing as she talked to Rooster and reached up to adjust her glasses. Phoenix, standing between them, caught his gaze and raised an eyebrow. Smirking, he turned away, his attention settling back on the table of women who weren’t subtle about their looking at him. Lifting his beer, he grinned around the mouth of the bottle before slapping the bar and pushing away from it.

“If you’ll excuse me, gents - looks like I’ve got an audience.” 

It was still early when he closed out his and Kristen’s tabs, and Jake reflexively looked back toward where the Daggers hung out. Most were still there, but he noted that Ladybug had already left. The scowl Phoenix shot him when she sensed his gaze let him know he’d get an earful tomorrow about not welcoming the new kid, but he’d deal with it.  

“Ready?” Kristen purred, running her hand up his back as she came alongside him. Grinning down at her, he nodded before signing his receipt and shoving his wallet into his back pocket.

“Let’s get outta here.” 

Weeks bled past, punctuated by a party at Payback’s for the Fourth of July. As the married man in the crew, the Fitch family was always happy to host.

And while Jake wasn’t purposefully keeping tabs on Ladybug - “Bug is fine,” she’d told everyone - he started to notice her absence more. While in the Ready Room, she often looked out the window and listened to the radio chatter while others played foosball and messed around. Omaha said she was good but missed Halo and joking around in the cockpit. Bob, Fanboy, and Phoenix seemed to be the only ones to get her to open up and crack a rare smile. She didn’t join them at lunch in the cafeteria or for drinks at the Hard Deck. 

And every time Rooster got near her, she got flustered. Her usual reserve and cool seemed to disappear, and she either clammed up or rambled. 

So, seeing her show up at the party with a fruit platter was surprising. Payback’s wife, Maria, quickly offered her a drink, and Bug joined Phoenix and her girlfriend, Kerri. From the grill, Jake watched as she mingled, and he wondered how she was wearing jeans on a day when the temperature was already reaching the mid-80s. Most of the other women had opted for shorts or summer dresses - god, he loved summer dress season - but Bug’s only concession to the heat seemed to be a short-sleeved shirt and occasionally pressing her cold soda can to her neck.

“I gotta ask,” Kerri said, her arm looping through Bug’s as they walked into the kitchen to grab food. “What’s the story behind Ladybug? Nat told me there’s always a story behind the callsign.” While assembling his burger, Jake found himself listening to their conversation.

“I, uh… I worked with a lot of…new… pilots when I was starting. There were a couple of close calls and,” she shrugged. “Ladybugs are good luck.” 

“Shit,” Rooster said, glancing up from spooning pasta salad onto his plate. He grinned, a sunburn already appearing on his face. “I remember you on the Ford now - you were the WSO with the kid just out of FRS who panicked when his landing gear got stuck and nearly skidded into the ocean.” 

Bug’s eyes were big behind her glasses as she flushed, pouring chips onto the table when she missed her plate. Quickly, she set the bag down and cleaned up her mess while muttering, “Yeah.” 

“Damn. That was a bad one - thought he was gonna ram the back of the carrier at first.” Rooster put down his plate and lifted his hands to demonstrate. “I heard the pilot started descent without realizing his front gear wasn’t down, missed the tailhook, and almost didn’t accelerate fast enough to recover. They circled and had to dump fuel while they got the barricades up, but they came in too low and nearly clipped the back of the ship before finally skidding in.” 

“Jesus!” Kerri said, looking at Bug. “Seriously?”

“It was his first carrier landing,” the woman replied with a shrug. “He got better.” 

“After we all had to sit through a lecture on the basics of landing,” Rooster smirked while grabbing his plate and throwing a wink at Bug, who flushed bright red. “Didn’t you both have to sit front and center for that one?”

“It was a good refresher.”

“He still flying?” Jake asked, biting into a carrot stick. Bug’s eyes flashed with something before her gaze dropped to her plate. 

“Not anymore,” she said softly, quickly heading back outside with her plain burger and a handful of chips. He and Rooster exchanged glances as Kerri got a worried look on her face. 

The drinks flowed, and Jake enjoyed himself as he hung out with his buddies. As fun as it was to have Mav around, it was also really nice when the soon-to-be-Admiral chose to hang out with his wife and stepdaughter, allowing the younger crowd to cut loose. Payback and Maria had already offered anyone who'd drank too much a safe space to crash, and Jake would take advantage of it. He and Yale went shot-for-shot in beer pong, and his tongue was red from the jello shots he’d consumed. 

“She’s delusional,” Yale slurred, punching Jake’s arm and pointing to where Bug and Rooster were chatting. “Not hot ‘nough to pull an aviator.”

“She’s an aviator too, dick,” Jake rolled his eyes, watching as Bug pressed her cold soda can to her throat. The movement shifted her shirt, and he could see that she had the beginning of a sunburn on her arms. Squinting, he stared at the raised red line that reached the middle of her bicep, and, as though feeling his gaze, she looked at him. Her eyes darted down to her arm, and she quickly adjusted her sleeve to hide it, her face flushing. 

“Oooh, Hangman’s gotta crush on Bug!” He rolled his eyes at the immaturity, sipping his beer and anticipating the hangover he’d have in the morning for mixing alcohol. 

“You’re drunk. She’s a decent WSO and keeps Omaha’s dumbass alive.” And that was true. As much as he never wanted a backseater, he couldn’t help but notice how methodical Bug was. She was the first on the flight line doing her pre-flight checks, talking to the flight crew and mechanics about anything that felt off in the jet. She took thorough notes during a mission brief and conferred with the other WSOs to triple-check things before heading out. He knew that Mav was keeping an eye on her, probably vetting her for a reference to a test program. 

The conversation shifted, and Jake could feel his tongue getting looser the more he drank. That was how he was somehow talked into a dumb bet - that Bug would catch Rooster’s eye and go to the Navy Ball with him. 

And Jake would help.

Bug left the party before night fell, missing the impressive fireworks and sparklers they set off in the front yard. They had to brush debris from their hair and use the hose to put out minor fires in the grass, but thankfully, the only injuries were minor burns.

As he lay on Payback’s couch, Jake closed one eye to stop the room from spinning when his phone started going off. He ignored the few messages asking what he was doing and if he wanted to come over, wishing he was sober enough to drive home instead of listening to Yale’s snoring. 

As much as Jake wanted to forget his drunken bet with Yale, the other pilot was adamant they followed through because he’d shaken on it. And, never one to back down from a challenge, he reluctantly agreed. 

His first step was reconnaissance. With four months until the Navy Ball, he knew he had enough time to enact his plan once he figured it out. He knew Rooster and the type of women he usually dated. And it wasn’t that Bug was unattractive, just that she seemed not to give a shit what she looked like. Which wasn’t great because Rooster usually dated women who did. They wouldn’t have been caught dead in public without a perfect face of makeup, while Bug seemed content with eyeliner, not even bothering to hide the pimples that occasionally decorated her face. The few times he saw her off duty, she favored comfortable clothes over cute, and he never saw her hair out of anything but the regulation bun or a ponytail. 

However, Jake's most significant obstacle was her confidence. While Bug had no problems with her confidence regarding her job, the moment the conversation strayed outside anything to do with work, she seemed anxious. And if she was going to get Rooster’s attention, that would need to change. 

The first thing he had to do, though, was to gain her trust. Without that, she wouldn’t hear him out on any of his suggestions.

Which was why he found himself approaching her at lunch after seeing her sitting outside at one of the few tables under the trees that the smokers usually used during breaks. She looked down at her phone, occasionally tapping the screen as she picked at her lunch. “Mind if I join you?” Jake asked, not bothering to wait for her answer before tossing his heated-up chicken and rice onto the table and sitting. Bug gave him a surprised look but returned her attention to her phone, eyes occasionally flicking toward him as he ate and watched her finish her apples, cheese, and crackers. She blushed every time their eyes met, and he noticed she wasn’t tapping her phone as much. He was about to say something when she frowned, tossed her apple back into her lunch container, and tucked the phone to her ear.

“Hey, gimme a second.” With a tight smile, Bug gathered her things and shoved them into her lunch bag, slipping it over her arm before standing and walking away. 

Jake tried again the next day, only to find that Bug wasn’t at the table. Instead, he saw her walking around the building with her headphones in, her flight suit tied around her waist, and one of her sleeves pushed up. On the third day, he beat her to the table and saw her pause when she caught sight of him. “I don’t bite, Bug,” he called out and saw her shoulders tense. Her gaze was guarded as she trudged to the table and sat, not saying a word as she pulled out her container of apples, cheese, and crackers with flavored water. His eyes darted over her meal as she opened the container. “So what’d’ya think about the new group of trainees?”

Her hand froze as she dug in her pocket, eyes slowly lifting to meet his. “They’re cocky.” Her answer made him smirk as he reached across the table to grab a hunk of cheese from her lunch. “Hey!”

“We were all cocky when we got here. The instructors and Adversary students will beat it outta them.” Bug gave him an incredulous look as he popped the cheese in his mouth and grinned. 

“Clearly, they didn’t beat it out of everyone.” The steely look she gave him was the most animated he’d seen her. She slapped the back of his hand when he reached for a cracker. “You have your own lunch, Hangman.” 

“That’s not a lunch, Bug, that’s a kid’s snack. You need protein.” She ignored him and pulled out her phone, tapping on the screen. Chuckling, he opened his lunchbox and took out his meal, stirring the chicken and rice together. He watched her as he ate, smirking every time he caught her glancing at him and noting the rising blush on her cheeks. “Why do you hide out here?” he asked. 

“I hardly think sitting outside the office is hiding,” came her clipped response. 

“It is if you’re avoiding your squad.” 

“Maybe I just like peace and quiet while I’m eating.” 

“And scrolling social media.” 

“I’m not - ” Bug lowered her phone enough for him to glance at the screen, seeing it covered in text. “I just like to read in silence, okay? Do you mind?” Jake shrugged and didn’t say anything for a few minutes until he finished eating, his fork clattering in the glass container as he tossed it down. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“What are you reading?” 

“A book.” 

“Is it any good?”

“It’s hard to tell when someone keeps interrupting me.” 

“What type is it?” 

“An e-book.”

“No,” he chuckled. “History? Non-fiction? Biography?” The faded blush roared back, and she refused to meet his gaze. His grin grew as he asked, “Is it a sex book?”

Bug locked her phone and set it face down on the table. Crossing her arms over her chest, she lifted her chin, lips pressed into a thin line. “What do you want, Hangman?” 

“Nothin’. Just trying to get to know my new squadmate.” 

“You don’t have to know me,” she snapped, shoving her things into her lunch bag. “I already have a sponsor and a pilot.” Startled by her response and the tears glistening in her eyes, he pushed to his feet as she stood.

“Bug - ”

“Just leave me alone, Hangman.” 

For as close as the squad worked together, Bug was good at holding herself apart from the team. After slipping a note into her locker with a quickly jotted ‘Sorry’ and feeling like he’d regressed to high school, Jake left her alone. Losing a bet wasn’t worth being an asshole and causing a rift in team dynamics. 

But while she was ignoring him, it was good to see that she was at least talking to Phoenix. And, every once in a while, Rooster, who still seemed oblivious to her crush. Jake tried not to look at Yale whenever the two interacted, not wanting to see the mocking eye-roll the other aviator would send his way. The way she’d blushed and tripped over her boots when Rooster patted her shoulder after a run where Omaha managed to get tone on him with her guidance was enough for Yale to go on a ten-minute tear about her at the Hard Deck.

Jake had walked away. He hadn’t even stayed long enough to pick someone up and went back to his apartment, wondering what the hell Yale had against Bug.

An August rainstorm drove Bug inside to the cafeteria, and Bob waved her over to join them. The only seat left was between Jake and Rooster, and she reluctantly settled between them and opened her salad. Jake was happy to see bits of grilled chicken in it but forced himself not to say anything. He was relieved that Yale, Harvard, and Fritz had decided to go to the food court for lunch so he wouldn’t have to witness how Bug kept herself apart, how she picked at her food, and how her eyes were downcast. When Phoenix mentioned the upcoming beach trip, she didn’t hear the offer to join until Rooster nudged her, brow furrowing in concern. 

“Yeah, sure,” she murmured, not seeming to realize what she agreed to. 

Later, when they were in the desk farm, Jake saw Bug jump out of her seat and leave quickly, phone pressed to her ear.

And Yale glared at her while looking up from his phone.

Bug needs help and you’re the closest. Here’s her address.

Jake stared at his phone as he sat at a red light. Halfway to the beach, he quickly flicked his blinker to pull a U-turn and head back toward his house. Bug only lived a few streets away from him, in one of the apartment complexes that had gone up over the last year.

He spotted her standing by her car, phone pressed to her ear and lower lip between her teeth. Jake frowned when he drove behind her, seeing the tilted vehicle. Rather than pulling into a spot, he parked behind her and hopped out to see that two tires were slashed. Her eyebrows rose behind her glasses when she saw him, and she quickly spun to avoid his concerned gaze, her floor-length floral skirt fluttering. 

“Whatever is closest, I don’t care,” she said, and he could hear the barely constrained tears in her voice. “Yeah, two tires…. Alright, thank you.” He crouched and ran his finger over the puncture mark on the back tire, glancing up to see that Bug’s shoulders were up by her ears. 

“You alright?” he asked.

“I’m fine. I told Phoenix that I didn’t need anyone here.” 

“Someone slashed your tires.”

“It happened to a few people last night,” she shrugged, slowly turning to face him. “It’s an annoyance, but nothing I can’t handle on my own.” 

“Was that the insurance company?” 

“Yeah. They’re going to tow it to a garage for me.”

“Alright, how long are they gonna be?”

“They said an hour, which probably means two. You should go and enjoy the beach.” 

“I’m not going, Bug. Did you call the police?” 

“They’re the ones who let me know it happened. One of my neighbors called them after he came out and saw his slashed.”

“So you’ve got the report number?” When she nodded, he ran a hand through his hair. “Alright, I’m gonna move my truck.” 

“Hangman, I’m serious - ”

“So am I. I can sit in my truck or wait by your car, or we can go inside, but I’m not leaving until they get your car. And then we can go to the beach.” 

“I’m not going to the beach.”

“We’ll see.” Bug’s lips pressed into a thin line as she crossed her arms, hip cocking to one side. He smiled at the sight, eyes snagging on the red scar on her arm. With his sunglasses on, she didn’t notice.

Her apartment was nice, in the ‘recently moved in and haven’t fully unpacked’ way. As she grabbed some water, he looked at the cart of books sitting by her couch. One caught his eye, and he flipped to a random page. 

Patroclus is breathing harder than the effort to hold our princess down requires, and his cock is so stiff, it’ll be a fucking miracle if he doesn’t come just from foreplay. It’s fine if he does. We have all of tonight and tomorrow. 

“What are you doing?” 

Jake looked up from the book and grinned, holding it so the cover faced her. “I didn’t realize you were reading porn at lunch.” 

“It’s not porn,” she snapped, reaching for the book. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but he held the book higher and read aloud. 

“I plan on tucking these two in for some rest after I fuck the worry out - oof!” He doubled over when her fist collided with his stomach, not enough to hurt but to startle him. Face bright red, Bug snatched the book from his hand and returned it to the cart, standing protectively in front of it. “That’s definitely porn,” Jake chuckled. “Good for you. Didn’t take you for a threesome kinda girl - ”

Bug let out a strangled sound before she lunged forward to press her hands to his mouth. “Will you shut the fuck up, Hangman?” Fighting back the urge to lick her palm, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her hand from his mouth, unable to keep from grinning. 

“Your secret’s safe with me, Bug. I won’t tell anyone that you avoid talking to us so you can spend your lunch reading sexy - ”

“Thanks for stopping by; now get the hell out of my house,” she cut him off, ripping her hand out of his hold and pressing it to his shoulder, trying to turn him toward the door. He shook her off, choosing to collapse onto the couch instead. She glared at him briefly before sighing heavily as he reached for one of the water glasses she’d dropped onto the coffee table. Sitting on the opposite side, she grabbed the other glass and ran her thumb through the condensation already forming on the sides. “You really don’t have to stay. The tow driver’ll take care of my car, and I don’t feel like going to the beach after this.”

“‘M startin’ to get the feeling that you don’t like us, Ladybug.” While his tone was teasing, Jake meant every word. “You don’t eat with us, you won’t go to the Hard Deck, and now you’re avoiding a beach day? Those are pretty much mandatory for the squadron.”

Hurt flashed in her eyes, and Bug’s teeth dug into her lower lip. “I… I don’t dislike you guys. I just… there’s a lot of stuff that - ” Her cell started vibrating on the coffee table. Jake’s eyes shot to it, catching the name RISK and seeing a picture of a guy in a flight suit, smirking up at the camera and flipping it off. Bug snatched the phone up, eyes darting toward him. “I’m sorry, I have to take this.” Quickly, she stood while answering it and walking toward her bedroom. “Hey, how’s it - ”

The door closed, muffling her voice. Jake stared at it momentarily before pushing to his feet and walking to the fridge to get a refill. While the rest of the apartment was pretty bare, the refrigerator was covered in magnets from across the world, puns about books, a few bills, and a couple of pictures. He recognized the man from her phone screen as the one with one arm around Bug and her head on his shoulder as they sat in the shadow of an F-18’s wing, hair a tangled mess with her helmet between her knees and a pair of glasses with brown frames perched on her nose. They were there in a group, Bug laughing while sitting on his shoulders and his fingers digging into her thighs to hold her steady at an outdoor concert, the hem of her dress sitting on his head. There were pictures of a softball team, Bug grinning with a bat resting on her bare shoulder.

And Jake realized it was the first time he’d seen her smile like that. 

That thought irked him. And it definitely didn’t make him pay more attention to the calendar hanging in the kitchen. Sipping his water, his eyes darted over her small, neat handwriting, and his brows furrowed. Risk’s PT. Deposition. PCP follow-up. Chiro follow-up. FS reassessment. 

When the bedroom door opened, he was back on the couch, reading one of Bug’s books. Her eyes were red when she stepped out, and he clocked the fake smile. “Tow truck driver just called and said he’s pulling in.” When her eyes landed on the book in his hand - the Kiss Quotient - color rose in her pale cheeks. 

“Good timing. We’ll get that taken care of and head out. Harvard’s already texted me a list of things people forgot, so we’ll grab those at the store on the way.” 

“Hangman - ”

“Bug.” It was his turn to cut her off, the playful tone absent in his voice. “Come on. Give us a chance. If nothing else, Rooster’ll be there.” 

“Why would - ”

“I’m borrowing this, by the way,” he added, raising the book and tucking it under his arm while walking to slip on his shoes.

“What? No - you don’t want - ” The front door shut behind him, and Jake couldn’t help but chuckle when he heard Bug open the door and call for him to stop. He ignored it, going to greet the tow truck driver. 

It was hard not to pay attention to Bug after that day at the beach. She’d declined every offer to play a game, instead sitting on her towel and reading. She didn’t even change into a bathing suit - choosing to wear that long skirt that covered all but the tops of her feet and a t-shirt that gave her a farmer’s tan. The most skin she showed was a flash of ankle when she walked along the water with Kerri, pausing to pick up shells occasionally as Rooster and Phoenix trailed them. Jake tried not to pay too much attention when, on the way back, Kerri and Phoenix pulled ahead, leaving Rooster and Bug walking side by side and chatting.  

But she stayed through the late afternoon retreat to the Hard Deck, sipping cranberry juice and ginger ale. When she stood beside Rooster as he pulled his usual party trick of playing the piano, Jake tried not to notice how her skirt and his hideous Hawaiian shirt almost matched and pay attention to the woman chatting him up. He saw Bug looking at her phone a few times but only slipped away twice before calling it a night. She declined his offer to drive her home when he managed to shake off the woman - Jackie? - for a few minutes, and said goodbye to everyone instead of disappearing as usual. 

And now that he was watching, he noticed how frequently she left work early on days they weren’t in the air. The occasional wince when she turned too quickly to look at something, and how she sometimes favored her left side toward the end of the day. The handful of over-the-counter painkillers she took after they did PT and drove home before hitting the showers. 

She didn’t join them at lunch every day, but she started to make appearances, even though she mostly stayed quiet and frequently left to answer a phone call before the end of the break. And Jake found himself seeking her out at the smoker’s table. After he returned her book, teasing her mercilessly about the explicit sex scenes in the story, she just put in her headphones and flipped him the bird before going for a walk. 

He wouldn’t admit it, but the book had been hot. And it made him wonder what else Bug was reading, face blank as she sat across from him. 

The only one who seemed unhappy about the change was Yale. Jake caught the aviator watching her through narrowed eyes a handful of times and noticed how she went out of her way to avoid him. When he asked Bug about it, she just shrugged and changed the topic. 

The only activity she had yet to do was a night at the Hard Deck, so Jake found himself standing at her front door, grinning at her confused expression. “We’re going out,” he said, reaching over her head to open the door wider and inviting himself inside. 

“What? No, bra hours are done.” Laughing, he kicked off his shoes and spun, planting his hands on his hips. She crossed her arms over her chest, making the thin material of her t-shirt cling to the swell of her breasts and a thin strip of skin appear over the waistband of her sweatpants. 

“Come on, Bug. You need to do a Hard Deck night with us. Everyone’s gonna be there in a few, and it’ll be fun.” When she stared at him, he forced his smile to not falter. “You can’t tell me you didn’t have fun the two times you’ve been there before.” 

“I…” she paused and took a deep breath, eyes pinching behind her glasses. “I appreciate the invitation, Hangman, but I want a quiet night. I’m exhausted and - ”

“Just a couple of hours. Have a few drinks, play some pool, and then I’ll bring you home. Promise.” The longer he looked at her, the more his smile faltered. So he played his ace - “Rooster’ll be there.” 

Her brows knit together for a moment before her expression cleared. “I’ll give you one hour,” she sighed.

“Three.”

“I’m not putting my bra back on for three hours. Two or no deal.” 

“You’ve got it. As long as you wear something other than jeans.” 

“What’s wrong with jeans?” she demanded, squeaking in protest when he pushed past her into her bedroom. He flicked on the light, glancing quickly at her unmade bed and rumpled sheets before moving toward her closet. “Do you even know what boundaries are?” 

He quickly flicked past her flight suits and uniforms, finding what he was looking for in the back of her closet. Grabbing the hanger, he grinned while turning to see Bug’s scowl. “Wear this,” Jake said, trying to hand her the hanger holding a sundress. She stared at it, eyes slowly raising to meet his.

“No.” 

“Come on.” 

“No.”

“You’ll look hot in it.” 

“I’m wearing jeans or nothing.”

“Not sure why you’d be naked instead of wearing a dress, but I’m not opposed.” She blushed, shaking her head. 

“Goodnight, Hangman. Thanks for stopping by, but I’m tired.” Jake sighed her name, making her eyebrows shoot up. He’d never called her that before, and he wasn’t sure why he did it now. She was always Bug or Ladybug. 

“Wear the dress. Come out and have fun with your friends. Please?” Their gazes met, and he could see the conflict in her eyes. And, after a long moment, she reached out to take the hanger. Their fingers brushed, and he tried to keep his eyes trained on hers but couldn’t help but notice how her breathing had increased. The slight tightness around her mouth as she blinked quickly. And the subtle way her body trembled. 

“I-I’m going to jump in the shower.” 

When the bathroom door closed, Jake had the urge to knock on it and tell her she didn’t have to wear the damn dress. That she could go in her sweatpants and he wouldn’t care. That he was an idiot for asking, Yale’s reminder about their bet ringing in his ears as he drove past her street. She didn’t have to wear a damn dress to get Rooster’s attention, and she shouldn’t have a crush on a guy who was so oblivious.

Instead, he walked back to the kitchen, opened the cupboards until he found a glass, and helped himself to some water. He stared at that picture of Bug on the man’s shoulders. Her eyes nearly closed behind her glasses with how broadly she smiled, one hand holding a cowgirl hat to her head, the other thrown out to keep herself steady with a beer clutched in her hand. 

Jake couldn’t believe that Rooster wouldn’t remember a girl like that. Even without the makeup and smiles, there was no mistaking Bug. Behind those birth control glasses, he could still see glimpses of that woman in the WSO. And it bothered him not to know what had happened to dim that shine. 

He was a few chapters into another book he’d plucked off the cart when he heard the shower turn off, the blow dryer starting a few minutes later. Jake glanced at his phone to check the time, ignoring the texts asking where he was and if he was going to the Hard Deck. Instead, he set his phone beside him. He settled on the couch, leaning against the arm and making himself comfortable as he read about a group of guys who got together and read romance books to save their relationships. 

Jake was lost in Gavin and Thea’s story when he heard a throat clear. Sitting up quickly, he spun in his seat, jaw nearly dropping at the sight of Bug. But not his Bug - the Bug from the picture, standing in her doorway with a teasing smirk on her red lips and uncertainty in her eyes. She shifted under his open admiration, hand lifting to adjust the glasses that she wasn’t wearing. “Let me guess, you’re gonna borrow that one too?” 

“I…uh… yeah,” he nodded, moving to stand before her. She hadn’t pulled her hair back into its usual bun or ponytail, leaving it down so it curled against her shoulders. Jake let his gaze dance down her body, and Bug’s shoulders pulled back under his blatant inspection, inadvertently drawing his attention to her breasts pressing against the sweetheart neckline of her dress. When she crossed her arms, his attention went to the raised red scar on her right arm, and he had to stop himself from reaching out and tracing it with his fingertips. It was about the width of a pencil, curling from the top of her shoulder to the middle of her bicep. Sensing her discomfort, he tore his gaze away, allowing it to drift lower. Her dress skimmed the top of her knees, and he bit back a groan at seeing cowboy boots on her feet, red scars decorating the skin on display. 

Bug’s hand was clenched tightly around a jean jacket, and Jake could feel the discomfort radiating off her. But she met his eyes when they lifted. He wasn’t a makeup expert, but he could appreciate how her eyeshadow and winged eyeliner complemented her eyes, and he found it heartening that he could still see the little divot on her nose from her glasses. “Can you even see without your BCGs?” Jake asked after clearing his throat. 

The apprehension drained from her face at his gentle teasing, and Bug scoffed while rolling her eyes. “I hate wearing contacts, but I’ll put up with it for a couple of hours.” Shaking his head, he reached for her jacket and took it, holding it out to help her slip it on. His fingers accidentally grazed her neck, and he caught the subtle scent of something floral when she turned toward him. His eyes went to her lips like they were a painted target, and her voice was a little breathier than usual when she spoke. “I’ll meet you there?” 

“I’ll drive,” he answered, voice husky as he stepped back.

“I’ll drive so you can have a couple of drinks.”

He shook his head, digging into his jeans pocket for his keys. “You can be my WSO tonight and pick the music, but I’m driving.” That made her roll her eyes, and Jake had to force himself not to stare at her ass as she walked in front of him out of the apartment and down to his waiting truck.

In the dark interior of his truck, he could smell her perfume and gripped the shifter to keep from placing his hand on the expanse of her thigh that flashed in every streetlight they drove under. Seemingly oblivious to his struggle, she sang along to a 90s station about kissing in the moonlight. 

And, once they were outside the Hard Deck, she paused, her hand slipping into his for a fleeting moment. He could feel her shaking and squeezed her fingers before she let him go and stepped into the bar. 

Everyone would have paused to witness the not-improved-by-different Bug if it had been a movie. But no one seemed to notice them enter, and Jake reclaimed her hand to help tow her through the weekend crowd to where he knew the Daggers would be waiting. And that was where Bug got the recognition she deserved, when Kerri catcalled her, making a flush rise on her cheeks as Phoenix’s girlfriend took her hand and dragged her from Jake, encouraging her to do a little twirl. He saw a couple of glances at her scars, but thankfully, no one said anything. 

And Jake spent the night catching men checking her out, but Bug remained oblivious. When he went to the bar to get them some sodas - he overheard a conversation from two pilots about not recognizing her. “Now that’s the Bug I remember,” Rooster said as he joined him at the counter, setting down his empty beer bottle. Jake glanced at his wingman and nodded as they watched her laugh at something Omaha said to her and Fanboy. 

“Hey, Jake,” a somewhat familiar voice said, and he felt a hand on his lower back. A woman slid into the vacant spot beside him, smiling coyly. “Long time no see. Wanna buy me a drink and catch up?” 

For his life, he couldn’t put a name to her face, but he was pretty sure they’d slept together. Beside him, Rooster snorted and ordered his beers. Jake tore his gaze away from the woman and caught Penny before she left. “I’ll get two Cokes, please.”

“That’s not my usual,” she giggled.

“No, it’s my friend��s,” he replied. He shouldn’t have enjoyed the shocked look on her face, but he felt relieved when her hand lifted, and she disappeared into the crowd. 

But when he looked over to see what Bug was up to, she’d also disappeared. When he returned to the group, Bob said she’d stepped onto the patio to take a phone call. Jake sipped his soda and tried not to keep glancing at his watch, but his eyes darted to the back door. Yale arrived, pressing a beer bottle into his hand as they played darts, and he didn’t think before drinking it. 

Forty minutes had passed when he finally decided to look for her. The late September night was still relatively warm, but it was breezy by the water. The laughs were loud on the patio, but he didn’t see her at the tables. The parking lot lights spilled out onto the beach, and Jake caught sight of a flash of color in the corner of his eyes. His feet moved before he realized it, shoes sliding in the soft sand. As he neared, he could see Bug had removed her boots, her forearm across her raised knees as she curled into herself, trying to make herself as small as possible. “It’s okay, Risk,” her voice was soft, and he could hear her sniffle. The sound made him move faster, shrugging off his bomber jacket as he neared. 

Sensing his approach, Bug lifted her head, and his heart broke at the sight of tears on her cheeks as she talked on the phone. In the weak moonlight, he mouthed, “You okay?” She looked at him for a long moment before shaking her head, letting her forehead drop back onto her arm. Jake hesitated a heartbeat before draping his jacket across her shoulders and sitting beside her. The sand was cool, and he rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his wrist and trying not to listen to Bug’s call over the crash of the waves. 

“Risk, I… yeah. But it’s getting… I need to…” she heaved a weary sigh, digging her nails into her shoulder. “I’m going to go, alright? We can talk tomorrow and… I told you, I'm with some friends toni - ” The voice on the other side of the line got loud, and she lifted her head to swipe at her eyes. “No, I’m not fucking any of them, Risk.” The words made his blood boil, but Bug just sounded so tired. “I’ll talk to you - alright, good… I know you’re upset, but I ne - please don’t say that…Risk, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight.” 

They were silent for a long time, the only sounds were Bug’s occasional sniffles and the tide coming in. A weight hit his bicep, and Jake turned to see that she’d rested her head on his shoulder. He lifted his arm, tugging her closer. She was trembling, and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. “Wanna talk about it?” he asked. When she didn’t answer, he didn’t push. 

“Risk is…was,” Bug said, voice rough with suppressed emotion, “my pilot before I got here. W-we were really close.” It was on the tip of his tongue to say that didn’t give him a right to say that to her, but her next words froze him. “We were in a bad car accident coming h-home from my going away party.”

“How bad?” Jake asked, not wanting to know the answer. 

“Bad. We were t-boned by a drunk driver and - ” she gasped, letting him pull her closer when she started to shake. “Rolled a few times.” Her hand lifted to touch her temple. “I woke up, and everything was upside down. I hit my head so hard that my glasses broke. But I was lucky. Just had a concussion and cuts from crawling out of the glass. Risk wasn’t… he…he was turned to look at me when  we got hit, and he took the brunt of it.” 

“Is he okay?” 

Bug shook her head, tears dripping off her face as she stared at the water, her voice sounding distant. “Paralyzed from his chest down. The docs think he might get some feeling back, but he’ll never walk again. Never fly again. They’re med boarding him out for that and the TBI.”

“Fuck.”

“One minute we were having drinks and he was telling me he was in love with me, and the next everything was literally upside down.” It was his turn to tense.

“D-did… do you love him?”

“Like a brother.” Jake nodded, pushing away the feeling of relief at her words. His heart cracked when he heard her soft sob. “He’s so angry with me. He doesn’t remember the crash, but I do. I think I was conscious for the first two rolls, and…he was so still. I thought he died. I thought I’d lost my best friend and couldn’t do anything to help him.” Acting on instinct, he pulled her into his arms, her knees digging into the sand by his hips as he held her. He could feel her warm tears on his neck as his hand swept her back, holding her tightly. 

But while he half expected her to fall to pieces, Bug just let out these little hiccupping sobs that broke his heart. “I’ve gotcha,” he said, whispering her name as his lips brushed her hair. 

“I should have let them ground me.” The words were so quiet he would have missed them if they weren’t so close. “I had to leave the day after he woke up. I stayed as long as I could, Hangman, I swear. But the flight surgeon cleared me for duty, and I had orders. I had to come here.” 

“You had orders,” he echoed. “He can’t blame you for that.” When she nodded, he repeated himself. “He can’t blame you for that, Bug.”

“He feels like I abandoned him. That I left my wingman. I-I figured you all would feel the same way… Yale does.” 

“What does Yale have to do with this?” 

“He was in our squadron before he got stationed here.” A chill ran down Jake’s spine, bits of information slotting into place. It was quickly replaced with anger. 

Gently, he pulled away from Bug until he could meet her watery gaze. Her eyes were guarded, exhaustion etched in every feature as he ran his thumb across her cheeks to try and clear away the mess of her makeup. “You did nothing wrong, honey. And no one can blame you for what happened - the accident or you being here. Understood?” When her eyes lowered, unable to meet his, he cupped her cheek and raised her head. “Understood?” 

“Did you drink?” His stomach dropped, tasting the beer Yale had given him on his tongue, smelling it on his breath. 

“Just one.” Bug nodded, bracing her hands on his shoulders and pushing to her feet. It took everything in him not to stop her, his hands sliding to her hips as she looked down at him.

“I’m gonna get a car.”

“I can drive - ”

“No.” He let his hands fall to the sand, hating himself for forgetting his promise. “It’s fine. You should stay and have fun.” 

As much as it killed him, he waited with her in the parking lot for her car to arrive, wanting to pull her into his arms but resisting the urge. But when she tried to give him his jacket, he pushed it back into her hands. “I’ll get it later and grab yours before I leave.”

Bug nodded, saying as she slid into the backseat, “Thanks for tonight, Hangman.” He waited until the tail lights had pulled out of the parking lot before turning and making his way into the Hard Deck. 

He wanted to get the hell out of there and pushed his way to the counter to close out his tab. Bug’s jacket was by the pool tables, and he threw down the pen to retrieve it after signing his receipt. Fury rose in him as he spotted Yale laughing with Harvard and Omaha. Without thinking, he stalked toward him, shoving the other aviators out of the way to grab him by his collar and pushed until Yale’s back hit the wall. Jake ignored the ‘Hey!’s and ‘Whoa!’s, the hands trying to pull him away as he leaned close to hiss, “You leave her the fuck alone, hear me? Leave her alone, or I’ll fuckin’ kill you.” 

Hands curled around him, yanking him away, and Rooster banded an arm around his chest while Harvard stepped between them, holding back his pilot. The bar quieted in anticipation of a fight, but Jake only had eyes for Yale, who grinned. “Finally told you, huh? So much for never leaving a man behind.” 

Rooster pulled hard, Payback catching his arm when he raised his fist. “Come on, man,” Rooster grunted, hauling him away. “It’s not worth it.” 

He grit his teeth, breathing heavily through his nose as he shook off the other men. Grabbing Bug’s jacket, he stormed out of the bar, avoiding Penny and Mav’s gaze and the whispers that followed. 

Bug’s jacket sat on his front seat as Jake drove into work on Monday. He’d texted to check on her over the weekend, but she told him she was okay and didn’t want to see anyone. His phone had been blown up with the other Daggers trying to figure out what happened on Friday, but Jake didn’t know how to tell them without sharing Bug’s story - and that wasn’t his to tell. 

The morning briefing was short, and they were dismissed to the Ready Room to prepare for their flights. Jake was going up in the first group. But before he headed out to the flight line, he stopped Bug on her way out of the classroom. “I’m fine,” she said, answering his unasked question. He could see the dark circles under her eyes and the silent request for him to not say anything. So he didn’t. Other than telling her that her jacket was in his car, Jake asked if she’d brought lunch or a kid’s snack. That earned him a tired smile, and she said she would have to buy lunch today. 

But they wouldn’t get that opportunity.

Bug went up in the second group, and Jake listened to the radio chatter while lounging on the couch. He was happy to have gotten tone on Yale and Harvard, pulling riskier moves that Cyclone wasn’t pleased with, but it had been definitely worth it to hear the asshole cursing him over the mic. 

Their flight started routine enough, and Jake was helping himself to a cup of coffee when he noted a change in Bug’s tone. “Hey Omaha, you with me?” she asked after he’d pulled a quick roll into a dive to avoid Fritz’s attempt to lock on them, climbing to regain altitude as they neared the hard deck. “Omaha?”

“Omaha, come in,” Fritz echoed. “Bug, his radio out?” Even though they were out of sight, flying over the desert, Jake’s eyes flicked to the window.

“Negative, radio’s fine. Omaha?” He could hear the tension in her voice. 

“Shit - level wings, Omaha.”

“He’s out!” 

“Inbound,” Rooster called. The Ready Room was silent, and Jake didn’t realize he’d moved closer to the radio until he felt the volume dial in his fingers, cranking it higher. 

“Bug - status?” the tower called. 

“Losing altitude. Fuck!” Hot coffee splashed over his hand as Jake squeezed the paper cup, and he quickly set it down, shaking away the burning liquid at the sound of her panic. 

“Omaha, recover!” the tower yelled. “Someone give me details. 

“55 nose low, 67 bank,” Fanboy called out. 

“They’re diving,” Phoenix breathed. Jake felt a hand on his shoulder but couldn’t move. Couldn’t do anything but listen to Bug’s panting breath over the radio. 

“Come on, Omaha,” Payback barked. 

And then Jake heard it - Bitchin’ Betty telling Omaha to pull up. “Punch out,” he whispered. His hand itched for the throttle and stick, adrenaline racing as he pictured the dive. As a backseater, Bug was helpless. There was no stick, no throttle. Just the radar, letting her know how close to the ground they were. Their speed. It was her pilot’s job to keep her safe. He was vaguely aware of Coyote coming up beside him, probably reliving his G-LOC blackout just a year ago. 

“Tone,” Fritz called. 

“8G, mach,” Fanboy called. “Alt 500.” They were nose down, headed toward the ground at the speed of sound. 

“Recover, Omaha!” Rooster yelled. But then one voice drowned all the rest, a scream that Jake would hear in his nightmares for years.

“Neil!” 

“Climbing,” Fanboy called.

“Back, I’m back,” Omaha panted. “Fuck.” 

“Knock off,” the tower ordered, scrubbing the rest of the exercise. “Alright, Omaha, climb back above 12,000.” 

“Payback, knockoff.”

“Fritz, knockoff.”

“Fuck, Bug, you good?” Rooster’s question went unanswered, so he repeated it. “Bug, status?” 

“Bug?” Omaha said. 

“9K and climbing,” came her shaky voice. 

“Rooster, knockoff. See you on the ground.”

“You good?” Coyote asked.

Twenty-seven seconds. Omaha had been out for the longest twenty-seven seconds of Jake’s life. 

“She’s good, Hangman,” Phoenix said. But he didn’t hear it. He focused on the radio, listening to the tower guide everyone back in. Rooster refused to land before Omaha, wanting to keep an eye on everything from the air. The room emptied, and he stayed there until Omaha alerted the tower that he was in the landing position. 

And then he bolted, sprinting past the others to the tarmac, barely restraining himself from running to the jet as Omaha landed and taxied. It took ages for the engines to stop and the canopy to lift. There wasn’t any movement for a long moment until Omaha stood, turning to look at his WSO. He extended his arm, and Jake was relieved to see her arm reach up to bump fists. His breath was sawing in and out of his chest as he raced toward her, barely skidding to a halt as the two embraced as soon as their boots hit the tarmac. “So fuckin’ sorry, Bug,” Omaha breathed. “Never happened before, and it - ”

“Are you alright?” Jake demanded, forcing himself not to shove the other man away, his hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to draw deep breaths. 

“We’re good,” Omaha answered.

“Are you alright?” Jake demanded again, gaze not leaving Bug’s wide eyes. Her face was damp, and he could see the imprint of her mask on her pale face, but otherwise, she seemed fine. 

“We’re good,” she repeated, her voice steady. But when he pulled her into his arms, he could feel that she was shaking hard and smelled the sharp scent of sweat. He was vaguely aware of the others arriving, their questions going unanswered as Bug rested her helmeted head on his shoulder, hiding her face from them.

“I’ve gotcha.” He didn’t want to let her go, but he knew they needed to make their way to medical. She and Omaha would need to be checked out and debriefed. Eventually, she pulled away and looked up at him, and Jake made himself give her a reassuring smile as he reached to unclip her helmet. Her hair was sleek with sweat when he lifted it from her head, tucking it under his arm. 

“Hey,” Rooster said, appearing beside them, glancing between the two. “You good?” 

“Yeah,” Bug nodded, stepping toward him and throwing her arms around him. “Thank you, Rooster.”

“‘Course. You ready to get checked out?” She nodded, glancing at Jake. He handed her the helmet and tipped his chin to where the flight surgeon was already talking to Omaha. It hurt to turn away from her, and he caught a flash of something in her eyes as he moved away to shake Fritz’s hand. Rooster threw him a look before tossing an arm over Bug’s shoulder and walking her toward the doc, stopping so she could hug Payback and Fanboy along the way. 

They spent the rest of the day in the classroom, neither Omaha nor Bug joining them. When Jake left work, he saw that her car was already gone. There was talk of getting together to have a few drinks at the Hard Deck, but Jake had no interest in going - especially not when Bob had quipped about another lucky landing for Ladybug.

He’d planned on going straight home and having a glass of whiskey. It was his preferred way to wind down after a hard day, and this one hit harder than most. It wasn’t the first time he’d almost lost a wingman, and he knew it would take some time to shake, but this time was… different. 

This time, it was Bug.

Jake was parking at her apartment and knocking on her door before he realized it. His fist collided with the metal when she didn’t answer. “Bug, it’s me,” he called. She was there - her car was in its spot. But she didn’t answer. He banged again, then rested his forehead on the door, calling her name. When he heard the flick of the lock, he straightened. 

Bug’s eyes were red when they met his, her hair a tangled mess on her shoulders. She was still in her flight suit, the sleeves tied around her waist and her black undershirt discolored with sweat. They stared at one another for a heartbeat before Jake stepped closer, cupped her face, and kissed her. His lips were rough against hers, and he took advantage of her surprised gasp to deepen it. Her hand carded in his hair and he walked them into her apartment, pausing only long enough to kick the door closed. He moved his hand to curl around her neck, guiding her to just the right spot while his other hand slid under her shirt, wanting to reassure himself that she was alright. Bug moaned as his hand curved around her waist, fingers digging in and pulling her close enough to feel her heart beating against his. 

Jake tasted spearmint on her tongue and, when they broke apart to catch their breath, the salt on her skin as his lips sealed on her throat. His fingers curled in her hair, tugging lightly to encourage her to give him more access as he nipped and soothed the hurt with his tongue. “Fuck,” she breathed. 

“Don’t scare me like that, honey,” he whispered, relishing the soft whimper she let out. “Can’t do that to me.” 

“I was so scared,” she admitted. “It was just like the crash. I couldn’t do anything but watch.” His mouth covered hers, unwilling and unable to think about her being in situations where he couldn’t do anything to help. Standing by the radio and listening, being helpless, had been the worst kind of torture.

They froze when there was a knock on the door. And then Jake felt as though he’d been doused in cold water when he heard Rooster call out, “Bug?” He pulled away and stared at her, taking in her kiss-swollen lips and the red marks he’d left on her throat. “Bug?” 

“J-just a minute,” she called back. The glint in her eye dimmed slightly as he stepped away, dropping his hands from her body. Jake ran a hand down his face before licking his lips, savoring the taste of her mouth, tongue, and lip balm before he cleared his throat while continuing to back away.

“I’m… I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“You don’t have to - ”

Jake didn’t wait for her to finish her sentence, turning on his heel to open the door. Rooster took a step back, surprise written across his face, as he pushed past him and hurried toward his truck.

He’d fucked up, and he knew it. 

Jake hated himself, but he wasn’t sure what for - kissing Bug or leaving her. Probably a bit of both. 

But he definitely hated himself for going out of his way to avoid her. For seeing the hurt in her eyes, knowing that he caused it, and doing nothing to make it better. Actively making it worse when she sought him out - avoiding her at lunch and flirting with a woman the night Bug surprised everyone by showing up at the Hard Deck. He knew it was a dick move to walk the woman to her car, leaving her disappointed when he said goodnight without so much as a peck on the cheek. Jake knew what it looked like when he climbed into his truck and drove away rather than going back inside. He spent the rest of the night alone in bed, trying to forget the taste of Bug’s skin, only to paste on a fake smile and whistle as he strode into work the following morning. Bug hadn’t looked at him all day, but he’d definitely caught angry glances from the others.  

It had taken everything in him not to stand on the tarmac the first time she climbed back into a jet and watch the entire flight. Instead, he forced himself to play foosball with Coyote and pretended not to listen closely to her on the radio.  

If there was a benefit to Jake denying himself her company, it was that Bug was getting closer to the rest of the squad. She was eating lunch with them when he dodged her, eating outside or in his truck. She was joining them at the gym instead of sneaking away. The first day he saw her in running shorts instead of pants, Jake wanted to go to his knees in front of her and kiss every scar on her legs to let her know how gorgeous she was. 

And she’d agreed to take the last open seat at their table for the Navy Ball. 

Jake wasn’t sure if he would go until a few hours before it started when Phoenix texted that she’d castrate him if he skipped. So he ironed his dress blues and shaved, promising to leave right after the ceremony and dinner. He didn’t even get his truck washed before heading to the hotel, tossing his keys to the valet, and going straight for the cash bar. 

Phoenix and Kerri were getting pictures taken, and Jake spotted Payback and Maria chatting with Mav and Penny. Fanboy and Bob were mingling, and he didn’t want to sit at the table by himself, so he decided to circulate as well. He’d never enjoyed these nights but knew it was important to get his face out there and show that he was a good sport, especially since he’d be pinning on his gold oak leaves in a few months when he was promoted to Lieutenant Commander. 

One more step toward his goal of being an admiral. 

When he was almost finished with his whiskey neat, Jake made his way back to the bar for another but decided to wait until dinner. But as he walked away, he heard someone call him, turning to see Yale motioning him over. “What?

“Just thought I’d rub it in your face that you lost our bet,” the other man smirked, pointing behind him. Jake glanced over his shoulder, watching as Rooster led a woman to their table and pulled out her chair before collapsing into the one beside her. His arm went around her shoulders, and he tugged her in to kiss her temple. “Looks like you didn’t get Rooster to pick Bug after all.” 

“Our bet was over months ago, asshole,” Jake spat. 

“You sure about that?” 

“It was stupid to do in the first place.”

“What, you betting that you could get Rooster to be attracted to Bug?” He frowned as Yale looked over Jake’s shoulder and winked. 

“You what?” 

He closed his eyes, wishing that it wasn’t her. But when he turned, Bug stood there, shock and hurt written across her features. She looked gorgeous in a tight, floor-length navy blue dress with some type of short, glittery sleeves. He could just see the scar on her arm peeking out, and he ached to press his lips to the curve of her neck. “Bug - ”

“A bet?” 

“Yup,” Yale said, clapping a hand to Jake’s shoulder that he quickly shook off, fists clenching. He couldn’t punch him here, not in front of all the officers, but he wanted to. “All a bet.”

“It wasn’t,” Jake said, reaching for Bug. She stepped back, her red lips pressed into a thin line. “It started out that way but - ”

“Just - ” she cut him off, lifting a hand to stop him. “Just stop, please. Don’t ruin tonight for me. At least, not more than you already have.” 

“Bug - ” But she was gone, pushing through the crowd and exiting into the hotel's main lobby. Turning, he faced Yale, who smirked into his highball glass. “You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that?” The other man shrugged. 

“You ever think I’m doin’ you a favor? That Ladybug might not be a good luck charm but a curse? Look at the other pilots she’s been involved with - I mean, fuck. Omaha’s never G-LOC’d before, and a couple of months with her as his WSO and suddenly he’s almost crashing?” 

Aware of the eyes on him, Jake forced himself not to lift his clenched fist as he stepped closer to Yale. “You shut your fuckin’ mouth before I shut it for you.”

“Gentlemen,” Cyclone said, appearing beside them. “You’re blocking the bar.” Jake lifted his chin and stepped back, feeling the air boss’s eyes on him. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, sir,” he forced himself to say. “I’ll get out of your way.” His eyes darted across the room and saw Rooster standing up from the table. Angry, he followed the pilot, intercepting him on his way to the men’s room. “Hey!”

Rooster startled at Jake’s bark and raised an eyebrow. “Hey?”

“Why didn’t you come with Bug tonight?” 

“Bug? Why would I come with her?” 

“Because she likes you, you jackass!” 

“Me? Bug doesn’t like me, jackass. At least, not like that.” 

“Yes, she does. She’s had a crush on you since she got here.” 

“Aren’t you two dating?” The question brought Jake up short. “Everyone’s kind of thought the two of you were together.” 

“No… no, we’re not. She’s not - she likes you. We’re just friends.” 

“Wow,” the other man said, crossing his arms and smirking. “I didn’t realize what a fucking idiot you were. Bug and I are just friends - you two aren’t friends. Or, at least, not just friends.” 

“But…”

“Wow. Phoenix is gonna love this,” Rooster laughed, clapping the other man on the shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta piss and then get back to my date. Maybe you should go find yours.” 

Jake stood there for a long moment, playing the last few months over in his head. It had been a while since he’d seen Bug blush whenever Rooster looked at her. And, if he thought about it, she’d always looked confused when he mentioned Rooster being somewhere as an incentive for her to go out.

And she’d kissed him back. 

Maybe…maybe what he’d taken for an adrenaline crash on her part had actually been… 

“Fuck,” he groaned, realizing that maybe Bug did actually like him. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who’d caught feelings over the last few months. And she thought he’d only talked to her because of a bet. 

She ignored his phone calls, and he couldn’t find her anywhere in the hotel. He was about to get his car back from the valet and drive to her apartment when he saw her walking back into the ballroom and had to force himself not to run after her. Bug settled at their table, taking a spot between Kerri and Maria. Both women looked at him as he stood behind Bug’s chair and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Can I talk to you?”

“No.”

“Please?” When she turned away from him and started talking to Maria, he bit back a groan. He sighed her name and watched as a blush rose on her cheeks. 

“Maybe you should sit down, Hangman,” Phoenix said, smirking as she nodded to the seat directly across from Bug. Their squad had thrown in together to get two tables, and he was relieved to see that Yale was sitting at the other one. “Speech is about to start.” He sighed, rubbing a knuckle along Bug’s shoulder and watching the goosebumps rise. She ignored him, and he retreated to sit between Bob and Rooster’s date. Bug continued to ignore him as he stared at the pretty blush that stretched from her cheeks to her chest. He was paying so little attention that Bob had to elbow him when the color guard entered, and he saluted, not watching the guard but instead watching Bug as she stood at attention with her back to him. 

If asked, he couldn’t tell you a damn thing about what the keynote speaker said over their 45-minute speech other than hazarding a guess that it had something to do with the Navy and Marines celebrating their birthdays together. Instead, he watched Bug turn in her seat, occasionally facing him as she sipped her water. During the short break, he stood and tried to catch her before dinner was served, but she looped arms with Maria and retreated to the ladies' room.

“Didn’t think tonight would have a show with it,” Payback chuckled, sipping his beer and setting a glass of wine by his wife’s plate. 

“This is perfect,” Phoenix agreed, tapping her rum and coke against Fanboy’s. 

“Shut up,” Jake grumbled. When Maria and Bug came back, Maria tucked herself under her husband’s arm while Bug checked her phone. He caught the way her brows furrowed, and her shoulders slumped, finger hesitating over the screen before tapping it and returning it to her clutch. When her eyes lifted, they met Jake’s before flitting away to focus on the floral centerpiece. 

The same thing happened as they ate dinner. Jake had never realized how hot it could be to watch someone eat… that lipstick smudge on her water glass. When they cleared away dinner and cut the birthday cake, he grabbed them both a piece and fantasized about smearing the icing on her collarbone and licking it off. 

The DJ kicked off the music, and as soon as Bug put down her fork, he pushed to his feet and circled the table. “Dance with me?” he asked, extending his hand over her shoulder. She ignored him, as expected. Her skin was warm under his palm as he rested his hand on her shoulder and leaned to whisper in her ear. “One dance, and I’ll leave you alone. Promise.” Bug sighed, and Jake grinned when she grabbed her napkin from her lap and threw it onto the table. He pulled her chair back, chuckling when she ignored his offered hand. 

“One dance,” she said, holding up a finger before walking to the dance floor. She waited expectantly for him at the side, and he took her hand, leading her to the middle of the floor where they could hide in the crowd from their friend’s prying eyes. But even as she stepped into his arms, one hand resting on his shoulder and the other in his, she didn’t look at him. 

“Bug, I’m sorry.” When she didn’t say anything, he forged ahead. “The bet was stupid, and I made it before I really knew you.”

“When?” 

“What?”

“When did you make the bet?” 

“The Fourth of July.” He watched her lips press into a thin line as they swayed to an old song, her eyes fixed on his medals rather than meeting his eyes. Jake sighed, “We were drunk, and it was stupid, and I don’t even know why I did it. And it was before I knew that you and Yale even knew each other before this. But, what I’m tryin’ to say is that I’m sorry that I made the stupid bet, but I’m also not.”

Bug pulled them to a stop, anger flashing in her eyes as she finally looked at him. “You’re not sorry?”

“No,” he smiled, applying gentle pressure to her lower back and pulling her closer. She resisted. “You promised me one dance, Bug, and it’s not over.” Reluctantly, she stepped closer and resumed their awkward dance. “I’m not sorry, at least not entirely, because I probably wouldn’t have tried so hard to talk to you if I hadn’t been tryin’ to set you up with Rooster. You’re not the easiest person to get to know.” 

“Are you blaming me?” 

“No, just stating a fact. You avoided talking to any of us about anything other than work. If it wasn’t for the bet, I wouldn’t have gotten to know you - I’d only know Ladybug.” 

“I am Ladybug.” 

Jake smiled while saying her name, his hand lifting from her waist to trace the scar on her arm. “You’re more than Ladybug. Ladybug doesn’t read sexy books over lunch or think that apples, cheese, and crackers are a meal. She doesn’t play softball or answer her friend’s call even knowin’ he’s probably gonna hurt her. That’s all you, honey. Ladybug’s great, but I think I’m fallin’ in love with you.” 

Bug stopped for a second time, her red lips falling open as she looked at him. “What?” 

“I said, I think I’m fallin’ in love with you.” 

“Even though you were trying to set me up with your friend?” she asked after a moment. 

“If you think about it, I wasn’t really trying too hard.”

“You’ve been ignoring me for weeks.”

“‘Cause I didn’t want to see you with him, but I want you to be happy. And if you’d be happier with Rooster, then I guess I can figure out some way to break up him and - ”

“Are you serious right now?” her voice was getting louder, and they were starting to draw attention. Noticing this, Bug squared her shoulders and stepped out of his arms, storming off of the floor. Jake hurried behind her, heart in his throat as they exited the ballroom and entered the hotel lobby.

“Bug, please - ” Spinning on her heel, she marched back toward him and poked his chest. 

“You… you jackass!” 

“I’m hearing that a lot tonight.”

“You’re an idiot!”

“Heard that, too.” 

“You don’t tell someone that you ‘think you’re falling in love with them’” - she made air quotes while throwing his words back at him - “and then try to set them up with your friend.” 

“How am I supposed to know? This is the first time I’m doing this.” 

“This is - ” Bug paused, ruby lips falling open as she let out a little gasp. Crossing her arms, she cocked a hip and pinned him with a glare. “This is the first time I think I’m falling in love with someone, too, and even I know that, you idiot. It’s pretty common sense.” 

Jake’s grin was blinding, and he hesitantly reached out to wrap a hand around her waist, stepping into her space. Bug tilted her chin to meet his eyes, her lip twitching as she fought a smile. “You think you’re fallin’ in love with me, Bug?” 

“Maybe.”

“Well… maybe I don’t think I’m falling in love with you. Maybe I know I’m in love with you. I think,” he leaned down, his breath ghosting over her face as he stared at her lips. “I think maybe I knew when you nearly burned in.” 

“Maybe I knew it then, too.” 

Jake’s nose brushed hers before he kissed her. This time, it was soft. Teasing. Testing the waters. They pulled away to stare at one another for a heartbeat before Bug threw her arms around his neck and pulled him down to lick into his mouth. Jake smiled, his arms going around her waist and pulling her close, his fingers curling around the nape of her neck. And then, just like before, they were interrupted. But this time, it was by a catcall. 

“Finally!” Rooster laughed. 

“Get a room, you two!” Phoenix ordered before kissing her girlfriend’s cheek. 

Bug and Jake looked at one another, and she reached up to wipe the red lipstick from his mouth. Her cheeks were flushed, and she couldn’t quite meet his eyes when she said, “I do have one… a room. Here. If you wanted to.”

“Fuck, honey,” he groaned. “Let’s go.” Her blush deepened as she pushed onto her toes to whisper in his ear.

“So… you should know that I’ve only slept with one person. And only once. Just in case it’s not…so you don’t get your expectations too high.” 

Jake stared down at her, forcing his jaw not to drop. “Bug, please tell me he at least made you cum.” Rather than answer, she pressed her lips together tightly, and he groaned again. 

“I have so much to teach you, honey. Starting tonight. Let’s go.”

“My key’s in my clutch. At the table.” 

“Right.” He nodded, bending to kiss her again. 

“It might, um…have been a while. But I’ve read a lot,” Bug said, as though trying to assure them both. And Jake couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I know. I’ve read some of your sexy books. Want me to reenact them for you?” Bug’s breath caught, and he chuckled, pecking her lips. “Be a good girl, and wait here for me, honey.”

There was some good-natured teasing when Jake hurried to their table and snatched Bug’s clutch. He ignored it all, wanting to get back to her quickly.

But he did detour to the cake table, picking a slice with extra frosting. 

----------------------------------------------

Author's Note: This one really got away with me, and I was shocked that I managed to write it in about 2 days. A huge thanks goes to May for beta'ing this for me and making sure that Jake still felt like Bug was interested in Rooster throughout.

I love the idea of Jake reading romance novels because his girlfriend likes them. Three that were mentioned here (in order) are: Wicked Beauty by Katee Roberts, The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang, and The Bromance Bookclub by Lyssa Kay Adams. You know that he would absolutely lovingly tease his partner about reading them, and then be blown away by just how much one can learn from reading smutty literature. There are definitely some book shopping trips he'll be treating Bug to in the future.

Ladybugs have historically been seen as a sign of good luck. I liked the idea of Reader having that as a callsign, as she wouldn't have anything to do with piloting the plane, but could serve as good luck for her pilot. Even in scrapes, she's there to help them out. For Risk, on his first carrier landing, she was able to keep him calm, and later in the accident, she was able to keep him stable until help arrived. For Omaha, she was able to snap him out of G-LOC by screaming his name. And for Jake? Well, ladybugs can also mean luck in love and expanding family.

A bit about the trauma in the story. Bug would meet the diagnostic criteria for post-trumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and probably should have been grounded for a little while. But disassociation from the traumatic event can help someone compartmentalize their trauma and get back to work (can attest to this from personal experience) - she was medically cleared by the flight surgeon and was back on duty. As of this posting, the Air Force is the only branch with a policy that allows aviators to get 60 days of mental health treatment without needing a return to duty waiver/clearance. Bug would have benefited from treatment, which might have further delayed her PCS and made Yale not hate her. She's not "cured" of PTSD by falling in love, but hopefully there's some therapy in her future to help her process the traumatic events. As for the G-LOC, there is no way for a WSO to take control of the aircraft, and the F-18s haven't been retrofitted with the technology to have autopilot reengage when the pilot loses control.

Risk would undergo the medical discharge process - "med board" - to be separated from the military with an honorable discharge following the accident, as he would be unable to preform the duties of his Military Occupational Specialty (MOS). I don’t imagine him as a bad guy, trying to hurt Bug, but traumatic brain injuries (TBIs) can cause emotional dysregulation and aggression that can be hard to deal with.

If you're interested, this is the dress that I imagined Bug wearing to the Navy ball (not representative of how I think she looks).

Thank you so much for reading this. If you would like to be added to my tag list, please fill out my tag list form (hyperlinked).

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[callsign-rogueone]

together

platonic! Xaden x gn!reader x Garrick words: 1.3k 🏷: prequel flashback that contains mild fourth wing and iron flame spoilers, 17-18 y/o Xaden and Garrick and gender neutral reader who was their childhood friend (this could be angel, but I purposely left it vague) hurt/comfort, reader dressing Xaden's wounds and brief mentions of blood, tears, fluffy ending (who doesn’t love a good old fashioned friendship cuddle/nap pile?)

The knock on the door of the room you’ve been assigned pulls your focus away from the book in your hands that you haven’t really been reading, just looking at the pages absentmindedly; you can’t bring yourself to enjoy it, not with everything else going on around you.

You know it’s Xaden from the rhythm -- he’s using the secret knock you and Garrick had come up with as children; the same basic pattern, ending with one tap for him, two for Garrick, three for you, and four for Bodhi; your age order.

“Come in,” you call.

You aren’t expecting him to look so dejected, his shoulders slumped and head hung, looking utterly defeated, shirt off, held limply in his hand. “Talk to me,” you say gently, immediately concerned.

“I’d do it myself, but I can’t see them,” he says quietly, turning to show you the bloody cuts covering his back.

Your jaw drops. There has to be…

“One hundred and seven,” he answers before you can ask. One for each of you. They’d turned a respected tradition for marriage and parenthood into a punishment, carving into his skin over and over, deep enough to make sure it would scar.

“Oh, Xay…” you breathe, stunned.

“I cut a deal. We’re safe,” he responds. “All of us. But we’ll be forced into lives of service to the crown as dragon riders.”

You don’t fully process the terms, too busy digging around for a first aid kit. There’s one in nearly every room of this house, a military protocol that his father had taken quite seriously.

He sits on the edge of the bed and hunches forward, resting his elbows on his knees and lowering his head as you work in silence, cleaning and disinfecting all of the cuts as delicately as you can, but he still flinches away from the sting of the alcohol against his raw skin.

“I’m almost done,” you promise.

He doesn’t respond. You don’t expect him to; he’s never been particularly chatty, but you know there’s a storm brewing behind those dark eyes right now, but you’ll be there for him when it starts.

You coax him to sit up a bit so you can wrap the gauze, wrapping him in it from shoulder to waist to cover all of the cuts, and helping him put his shirt back on.

The pain of getting his arms through the sleeves is the last straw -- he finally starts to cry.

You know hugging him would just cause him more pain, and you can’t stroke his back, not wanting to put any pressure on the torn skin, so you settle for petting his hair, smoothing your fingers through the dark strands and gently rubbing the back of his neck to relax him.

“C’mere,” you coax, leaning back against the headboard and setting a pillow in your lap.

With a soft sound of discomfort, he shifts his weight down, resting his head on your lap and wrapping his arms around your waist, clinging to you tightly. His body shakes with sobs as his fingers dig into your skin, and you feel like your heart has been ripped in two.

You‘ve only seen Xaden cry once before, when you were ten, and his mother’s marriage contract expired, giving her the right to leave Tyrrendor and leave Xaden’s life forever, disappearing without a trace. You’d held him like this then, too, let him sob into the collar of your shirt and spent the rest of that day sitting with him and Garrick in near-silence, trying not to cry over the loss yourselves, needing to be strong for your friend.

His mother had always been kind to the three of you. She’d loved Xaden dearly, and appeared to tolerate Fen, with no obvious signs that she wanted to leave, but nonetheless, she’d taken the chance and ran with it, literally. It remained unclear if Xaden had gotten to say goodbye — he likely hadn’t, given the extent of his distress, probably hearing the news from his father before he ran to find the pair of you.

You realize now that it might not have been her decision, that Fen might have asked her to leave. But you’ll never know for sure — he, along with your parents, is lost to you forever.

You don’t tell him it’s okay, because it isn’t, but you need to say something, to acknowledge his pain and the sacrifice he’d just made for you and all of your friends, for people neither of you have even met.

“I know it hurts, X,” you soothe, stroking a hand through his dark locks as he continues to sniffle quietly. “I’m so sorry they made you do that. I’m sorry for everything. You didn't deserve any of it. None of this was your fault."

The door opens with a soft creak, Garrick stepping inside. His eyes widen at the sight of Xaden still trembling, clinging to you and crying, which is disturbing enough in itself, without the open first aid kit on the nightstand next to you and the pile of bloody cotton balls that you’d used to clean his wounds.

“Uallach,” you whisper. Responsibility.

Garrick puts it together quickly enough — Xaden was forced to take the traditional cuts for all of you. He sits beside you both on the arm of the couch, quiet. “I’m so sorry, Xay,” he says softly, brushing a hand over the other boy’s shoulder, careful not to nudge the bandages. 

Xaden adjusts his hold on you, reaching out with one arm — the one bearing the same relic you’re all stuck with now, that smoky black pattern that covers the skin — wincing at the way the motion tugs the cuts on his back. He takes Garrick’s hand in his, holding it silently, a gesture with multiple meanings; a bid for comfort, wanting to have his best friends close, but also a reminder that the three of you are in this together, and an apology; in his deal with the general to save your lives, he’d been forced to agree to all one hundred and seven of you enrolling in Basgiath war college as dragon riders — a death sentence of its own.

“We’ll all be okay,” Garrick promises softly. “We’ll heal, and we’ll adapt, and get through it all, together.”

Xaden’s tears have dried, leaving him with a headache and that hollow feeling you get after a thorough cry. He feels heavier against you, a sign that he’s drifting toward sleep. Good. Rest will help him heal, and give him a break from this exhaustion.

Garrick takes a pillow from the other side of the bed, motioning for you to sit up a little. You move incredibly carefully, not wanting to disturb Xaden in his delicate state, but thankfully he doesn’t seem bothered by it, too worn out to notice or care as Garrick places the pillow behind your back to make you more comfortable.

“How are you feeling?” he asks quietly. 

“Tired,” you answer. 

“We could all use some sleep,” he concedes, kicking off his boots and shrugging off his jacket, cuddling up against the both of you.

You hum in agreement, fighting a yawn. You haven’t been able to rest much this week, constantly working to take care of the younger children, and the sleep you did get has been plagued by nightmares of the days prior — you’re exhausted. 

You hope Xaden’s dreams will be kind to him — he looks peaceful, still breathing steadily. 

“Get some rest,” Garrick says softly. “Tomorrow will be a new day, and we can start figuring all of this out then.”

You let your eyes drift shut, leaning your head against his muscled shoulder. You’re all going to be sore when you wake up from sleeping like this, bar Xaden, who looks perfectly comfortable where he’s curled up between you like an overgrown puppy.

Garrick is right. The three of you will get through this, together.

[37sommz-archive]

✼. VICTORIOUS | 2018.

CH. 03. NOW PLAYING: tio by zayn [fluff, suggestive]. ✼.⠀summary: michaela keeps winning, 2.2k. ✼.⠀view:⠀masterlist⠀⸻⠀join the taglist⠀⸻⠀request.

✼.⠀JULY 01, 2018 — spielberg, austria

“Though it is dry here in Austria, it seems as if the Sommer Rain will never let up.”

-

“She won in Baku, in Barcelona, and in France. Now, here in Austria, across the finish line, it’s Michaela Sommers who secures her fourth win this season.”

-

“They called for her to answer to the legend of Lella ‘76, and she has responded in kind. Michaela Sommers extends her lead in the Formula 2 Championship with double wins in both races here this weekend.”

-

“The current placements, as they stand, are Sommers in first, Russell in second, and Norris in third.”

-

“Mickey!” The trance Michaela found herself in was quickly broken by the sound of her nickname pouring from the left of her. 

“They’re all out for the formation lap… headphones?” 

Shaking herself from her staring at the track, her hands fell to the red headphones thrust out to her by a Ferrari engineer—one whom she couldn’t quite remember the name of—and lifted them to cover her ears. Her feet bringing her closer to the large monitors adorning the garage fell to a stop as the crackle of Sebastian Vettel’s voice echoed in her ears. As he cleared the radio check, her arms crossed over her chest; the yellow of the Ferrari logo contrasting with the black of her team jacket. 

Her duties to the team as a reserve driver demanded every bit of her attention the minute she stepped out of her red Prema car, her mind immediately shifting to the red Ferrari cars of Vettel and Raikkonen as they took their second-row places. Eager to learn from the two veteran drivers, Michaela had found herself tagging along to every meeting possible. She leaned in closer when they complained about the back tires or the steering and her eyes tracked their wings as they drew in and out of the breadth of Hamilton and Verstappen. Her focus on the twists and turns of the Austrian Grand Prix only relieved itself once she saw Kimi and Sebastian pass the checkered flag—second and third, respectively. 

As they always did at the end of the race, her hands shook from the concentrated energy rushing through her body. One of the engineers—she knew his name, he was much friendlier than most of his coworkers—nudged her shoulder to tease her about the tremble. 

“You shake as if you had raced yourself.” His eyes sparkled in amusement as he spoke to her—they always did, as Kimi had once casually pointed out to her. 

“It’s all the anticipation,” She easily responded. “I wish I was the one driving.” 

He chose not to respond this time, his cheeks taking on a blush that deterred his speaking. 

In the few months she had spent in and around the Ferrari garage Kimi had taken to pointing out every person he perceived to have any romantic inclination towards the Australian. She would roll her eyes, mutter something about types, and hope he would let it go. If he noticed her discomfort he never commented on it, simply shifting the topic to one about engines or advice for her next race. 

Sebastian was much different. Taking a liking for teasing the Australian every chance he got, Michaela had previously likened him to a friend’s older brother. Effortlessly relaxed with seemingly nothing else to do but find the humor in every situation presented to him. Blue eyes would meet her brown ones from across the room, corners crinkling in mischief before she could fully process the situation before her. 

In those few months that the three of them had shared gentle conversation, Sebastian had regularly urged Michaela to take in every moment for what it was. To relax in the company of others who understood her anticipation to hurtle down a gravel track at 200 miles per hour. 

Kimi would rest an icy hand on her shoulder, squeezing once then twice in a signal. He would lean over to whisper, “Your shoulders are too high”, before retreating to whatever shadow he had occupied in the distance. 

She knew they meant well; both champions in their own right and well aware of her own ambitions to hoist the winner’s cup over her head. But Michaela has never been relaxed. 

She doesn’t think she ever will.

✼.⠀JULY 07, 2018 — silverstone, england

The champagne underneath Michaela’s shoes squeaked as it stuck to the linoleum beneath her. Wincing at the sound, her hands steadied themselves on the pristine corner leading to the Prema quarters. Roaring cheers of “Brava!” and “Complimenti!” continued to ring in her ears as the hall grew quieter, drifting away from the continued celebrations of the scarlet team. Her head was swimming in victory and her mouth was cotton-balled from the neverending Italian phrases of gratitude and appreciation. 

Finally reaching the changeroom, her race suit pulled together at her waist fell to the floor with the softest of thuds. Incapable of taking anything slowly, Michaela’s hands rushed to rid herself of the champagne-soaked fireproofs. Swapping the red of the Prema suit for the red of her Ferrari polo and her favorite blue jeans, she exited the stall with a gentle sigh. Passing her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off her tanned face. Catching a glimpse of the annoying mismatch in shades from one side of her shoulder to the other, those eager hands brushed through the controlled chaos of her honey-blonde bleached hair. 

Rushing back down the hall to Ferrari’s garage, her eyes spotted the lights of a camera crew standing in between herself and the entrance. 

Shit.

The gentlest of forced smiles fastened to the corners of her dry lips as she attempted to sneak past. Her hopes to evade the crew without detection were made futile as soon as the producer standing in front of the host made direct eye contact with her. The smile grew wider—her discomfort pure and shining—as her brown eyes begged the producer’s equally dark ones for mercy.

Before she could open her mouth to rattle off some bullshit excuse that only another driver would be able to understand, the producer—Aaron, she remembered his name—clapped his hands together, startling her before a groan slipped from her lips. Locked in a silent argument, Aaron was the first to break the silence.

“Michaela,” Eyes peering into hers as if in a warning. “You owe me this.”

Feigning innocence she whispered lowly, “I’ve got no idea what you mean, Aaron.”

His prim English accent was firm with sincerity as he took a moment to remind her with a tired, “France?” Receiving another sigh from the Australian girl, Aaron nodded as if emitting an obviously from his pursed lips. Pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, he called over the host—the identity of whom was still unknown to Michaela. 

“Michaela, you’ll be having a quick chat with Jenson. He’s just joined the Sky team for this season,” Stopping himself to clap a hand onto the blonde Brit’s shoulder and to issue a warning glance towards the starry-eyed Aussie, he continues. “Be your normal bright self, put him at ease, it’s his first day.” 

The emphasis on ‘normal’ is not lost on Jenson who chuckles at the warning. At a loss for words, Michaela pulls in a bated breath, eyes transfixed on the 2009 World Champion. 

“Go easy on me?” 

Blue eyes sparkle as they finally meet her brown ones. All words seem to fail her, that familiar rush of eagerness subsides as she takes him in. 

Of all the things to notice about the former driver—the high peak of the bridge of his nose, the sharp lines of his hair, or the wolfish tilt of his lips—the feature Michaela can’t seem to pull her attention from is the spray of sun-tanned freckles laid across his cheeks. The freckles—and the unadorned, noticeably pale band of his left ring finger—are sure to haunt her as she finally finds the trust in herself to respond to the plea of grace. 

“For you? How could I be anything but easy?” 

If she was unaware of how desperate the words sounded as they fell off her two-toned lips, Aaron made sure to point it out to her. A clear of his throat covering the chuckle released from the back of his throat made sure to cut the present tension between the two drivers.

“Pick your good side and get it over with,” His words are choppy as he motions for the cameramen to take their places, “Please?” 

The plea, whiny with exasperation is finally the thing to sever Jenson’s attention from the pink tinge hiding underneath the roundness of Michaela’s cheeks. With a quirk of his head and the offer of a red Sky Sports microphone, Michaela’s hands are still as her heart beats with an anticipation foreign to her own body. 

✼.⠀NOVEMBER 25, 2018 — abu dhabi, united arab emirates

The last round of the Formula 2 Championship had passed by in a blur. The strobe lights catching onto the obnoxious trophy—with her name on it—seated in the middle of the table only added to the massive headache clearing any and every thought in her mind. Unsure of George’s whereabouts, Michaela downed a massive gulp of the mystery drink in her hand. 

“Any plans before the next season?” Alex’s words slurred together into one big nearly incomprehensible sentence. Lando, seated on the other side of Michaela, giggled incessantly before answering on behalf of the newly crowned champion. 

“You should try getting laid!” Dark eyes cut across to glare at him before they both fell into a shared giggle. Alex, dissatisfied by the lack of response from the Australian’s lips, whined impatiently. 

“C’mon, Mick, answer me.” 

“You talk funny when you’re drunk—” She continued giggling as Lando joined in imitating the oldest amongst the three. “Mickey!” He whined once more, face buried in his hands dramatically. 

“Fine!” 

She hummed to herself, much livelier with the endless flow of alcohol coursing through her.

“Lando’s right…” She pouted as if coming across an epiphany. “I should get laid.”

Alex shook his head as he turned to face her once more. 

“You can’t get laid yet!” 

Confusion gripped the two younger drivers, hanging on to his every word. 

“If you get laid, Lando’ll be the only virgin on the grid.” He could barely get the words out without a stumble of laughter.

A rumble of a laugh released itself from Michaela as she threw her head back in amusement. The driver beside her grumbled to himself, eyebrows furrowing as he stood up with a jerk. The mutter of an excuse to grab another drink fell on lost ears as Michaela and Alex took their turn to share a laugh. 

Just as soon as Lando left, his spot on the couch was taken by Pierre. The Frenchman threw a sluggish arm over Michaela’s shoulder before planting an exaggerated kiss on her temple, a “mwah!” ringing into her ears as she pushed him away. 

“Mickey, félicitations, ma jolie!” His words were—impossibly—more slurred than Alex’s, clear his intoxication had impaired his ability to distinguish between English and French. 

“Merci chouchou,” She responded through squished cheeks as the older driver pinched them together in his warm hands. 

“Are you getting laid tonight? I have a few suggestions.” He nearly sang the words into the Australian’s ears, his arms wrapping around her affectionately—not unlike his sober mannerisms. 

“We were just talking about that!” Alex spoke up excitedly before Michaela could reply. “I told her Carlos would be down but she said—”

“No! He fucks anything that walks.” 

Michaela ripped herself from Pierre’s arms at Alex’s suggestion. Crossing her own arms, she began to pace in front of the couch. Reaching for Alex’s drink, Michaela fell into deep thought, carefully surveying the section before them. Full of drivers across formulae and whoever they deemed glamorous enough to join them in their drunken celebrations, it was a dark-haired man who caught her eye. 

Recognizing the stillness in her stance, Pierre nudged a confused Alex before standing to join the younger woman. 

“His name’s Olivier, he’s with Giovinazzi.” 

Alex nodded, pushing his shoulder forward to nudge the shorter woman’s, “His trainer or something?” 

Pierre’s response—whatever it was—were ultimately ignored by Michaela who simply took another large gulp of his drink before surging forward. The cheers of Pierre and Alex were matched with a confused Lando as he returned drinkless.

Making eye contact with the dark-haired man—Olivier—his smile worked to quickly spur Michaela on. A surge of confidence ran through her as Antonio, and the rest of his entourage boyishly roughed up the subject of Michaela’s confidence. With a push forward, he was suddenly eye-to-eye with the Australian driver. 

His skin, nearly the same shade as her own, met hers with a heat so addictive Michaela swore she saw Eros. 

His voice, slow and accented—French, she decided—tickled at her ear as he bent down to speak to her over the noise of the EDM. 

His hands, lightning through her body grasping at her hips as she rocked above him late into the early morning. 

His lips, were gentle like the calming patter of the rain against her spine as he slipped out of her bed, number scribbled on the hotel notepad, and a sweater marked with his scent left to lie next to her luggage.

✼.⠀taglist:⠀

@cha-hot @certifiedlesbianbaddie @nichmeddar

@d3kstar @thewannabewriter @hwalllllllelujah

@pacmacs-macs @thearchieves @doodlehunz

@lavisenri @evie-119 @bxdbxtxh

@seaweed-orchid @glitterquadricorn @99snse

@ginghampearlsnsweettea @alliwantisadonut @hiireadstuff

@emilyval1

[munsons-hellfire]

Hi there!! i saw you’re gonna start writing for acotar! can i request a helion x reader where it’s a double date but theyre both like no we’re just third and fourth wheeling nbd but maybe there’s an ulterior motive somewhere to get them to realize their feelings for each other??

We’re Just Friends | Helion

SUMMARY: You and Helion are oblivious to each other's feelings until you arent.

PAIRINGS: Helion x Reader

CONTENT WARNINGS: SFW, fluff, angst.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: You have no idea how excited I was when I got this request. I had come up with two ideas for this and ended up going with the more angstier version because I loved it so much. I also added a little more to it because I wanted to build something between the reader and Helion. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. Thank you for requesting for Helion, he is one of my favorites from ACOTAR so I had a lot of fun with this!

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

You’d been a member of the Night Court since you were born. With friends such as Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel you were able to escape Illyria before they had a chance to clip your wings. You’d found your family became of those three males. You were an emissary to the Night Court, often traveling between Courts to form a bond to have an ally in any future war. The Autumn Court and Spring Court were courts you often avoided if you could.

You knew the history between Rhys and Tamlin and couldn’t stand the male. You didn’t get along with Beron in the least. Always trying to defy what he wanted to do. One High Lord in particular had caught your attention. Helion had taken the opportunity to get to know you, he’d befriended you and whenever you visited his Court it was hard for your friends to separate you from him.

Before Amarantha happened they could see the love that was there between you and Helion. Rhys kept quiet, as did the others but they knew something would happen between you and Helion eventually. When they were trapped Under the Mountain and you were locked up in Velaris everything had changed for you. You’d become a shell of your former self and even when Prythian had been free at the hands of a human who risked her life in the process and died, you still hadn’t managed to pull through.

The months leading to the return of Rhys you started seeing Helion again, slowly but surely becoming yourself again. It was even more of a reason that Rhys and all your other friends believed that you and Helion were mates. But there wasn’t time to say anything right now with a fight on its way. The war had been fought and won. Rhys had died in the process only to be brought back.

Everything seemed to be right in Prythian. After the way you’d stayed with Vassa and Jurian to help rebuild whatever was left standing. You’d found a friendship with the two, and eventually Lucien when he joined them. Upon returning back from the work you’d helped with in the Human lands Helion had requested that you become his emissary for the Day Court.

Helion had seen how much you’d managed to accomplish in the months after the war against Hybern was over. He knew you’d be a great addition to his court, he also knew you’d look better in Day Court colors. After a talk with Rhys and Feyre, your High Lord and High Lady you had their approval. You said your goodbyes to your family, promising to come visit whenever you could and you left.

It had been 10 years since the events of the war. Things were steady now. You had everything you ever wanted, accepted you knew there was still something missing from your life. When Feyre and Rhys invited you and Helion to join them in Velaris for an outing, you couldn’t say no to them. Helion had agreed, though there wasn’t much you’d have to say to convince the male to go with you.

He enjoyed being wherever you were, so if you want to go see your family he’d follow along with you. The night had started out wonderful, you and Helion had met up with Rhys and Feyre as a casual get together, but they had other plans in mind. The mated couple was going to get you and Helion together by the end of the night. They still didn’t understand how either of you could’ve gone this long being so oblivious to the fact that you and Helion were in love with each other.

Helion couldn’t bring himself to admit it, he was afraid to lose you as a friend or worse to someone else. Meanwhile you were afraid of his rejection. He was a High Lord after all so he’d have every right to say no to you if you’d so much as mention your affections for him. The four of you sat at a table in a restaurant in Velaris. You’d given Feyre an odd look when she had mentioned that this was a double date.

You had finished your food, your eyes were on Helion as he talked to Rhys and Feyre about something. You weren’t sure what he was talking about. You’d been so focused on his face that his words slipped right through your ears. You blinked, finally taking notice that all eyes were on you. Suddenly you felt as though you’d miss something.

“Oh, you did, sister.” Rhys whispered in your mind. You glared at him, throwing your shields up to block him.

“I’m sorry, what are we talking about?” You asked softly, not looking at Helion, afraid that you’d disappointed him by missing something so important.

“I was just wondering if you’d be coming to see the rest of the family later tonight, maybe bring Helion.” Feyre said, her eyes planted on you. A smirk rested on her lips. You knew that she was having a mind conversation with Rhys.

“Oh, I’m sure Helion wants to head back home soon, so maybe another time.” You didn’t miss the way Helion had smirked at your comment.

“Nonsense, I think we can stay a little bit longer.” Helion remarked, a smile on his lips. You gripped your drink, sipping the wine slowly.

“Great.” Feyre said excitedly.

“Maybe we can even get you two together.” Rhys said, causing you to choke on your wine. You put your glass down, attempting to stop the coughing fit.

Finally you were able to get words out. “We’re just friends, Rhys.” You said, and it was a simple answer. Feyre and Rhys had caught the look of hurt that had crossed Helion’s face when those words had slipped from your lips.

“Yes, we’re just friends.” You winced, it was almost like Helion had been hurt by your choice of words. You felt you couldn’t breathe, you were being suffocated by everything around you. This was not what you’d expected to happen tonight.

“Excuse me, I need some air.” You were quick to get up and leave the restaurant before any of them could protest. The cool air hit your skin when you walked out the door. You walked down to the bridge that overlooked Velaris and the Sidra river.

More than anything you wanted to be with Helion, you knew you’d been in love with him for so long. So why did your words affect him so much, you were so certain that he didn’t feel the same way about you. That you were just an Illyrian female he wanted to bed. Your wings moved in closer to protect you from any passersby as you let the tears fall down your face.

“So that’s what I am to you, a friend?” His voice was cold, distant as the question left his mouth.

You didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. Not when you were still crying over what had happened. You should’ve known that Helion would chase after you.

“I didn’t mean it to come out that way.” You said, pulling your wings back and tucking them in tightly as you turned to look at the male.

“Then how did you mean it?”

“I just, I mean we are friends. There’s nothing between us so why does it matter?” You were really hurting him, you knew that.

“Because.” He whispered softly.

“Because isn’t an answer.” You watched as he walked closer to you, closing the space between you and him. His hand gently touched your cheek. You looked at him with a glimmer of hope, of love in your eyes.

“Because I love you, I have loved you since I first met you. I have loved you since I discovered you were my mate. And I will continue to love you until it is my time to leave this world behind.”

You felt your heart picking up its pace at his words. You could hear the honesty coming from him. And then it happened, you felt it, that gold string tie around your heart. You gasped, your hand flying to your chest as you felt the strength of the bond pick up between you and Helion. Finally he smiled, still looking at you.

“But all this time, you, you were seeing other’s.” You felt yourself cracking waiting for his answer.

“It was just for a fun time. I may bring other lovers into our bed, but they will never be able to replace anything. I fell for you, my sunshine. You are the light in my life that I’ve been waiting so long for.” You released a broken laugh, tears falling down your face. “Please don’t cry my love.” He whispered as he kissed the tears away.

“I’m just so happy.” You whispered, pushing your hands into his wavy hair. “Because I've loved you since the moment I met you too. And I am so thrilled to be your mate.” He smiled at your words and brought his lips to yours kissing you softly. Cheering could be heard in the background. You and Helion pulled apart from each other to look at your family that had been nearby.

“I think it worked, Feyre, darling.” Rhys said, as the mated couple walked towards you and Helion.

A smile rested on your lips and you pushed yourself closer to Helion as he wrapped his hand around your waist. It was the happy ending you’d been looking for, your mate. And now that you’d discovered everything that happened between you and him was the bond’s way of informing you, you couldn’t be more happy.

“I hate you all.” You whispered, resting your head on Helion’s chest.

“I don’t think so. If it hadn’t been for them inviting you to dinner neither of you would’ve known.” Cassian remarked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Not true, General. I’ve always known about the bond.” At this you looked up at Helion.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked him.

“I didn’t want to risk our friendship in case I was wrong, or the Mother was wrong, or something happened. So many reasons, and I just don’t care because I have you now and that’s all that matters.” He placed a kiss on your head.

“No more lies, promise?” You whispered.

“No more lies, I promise.” The bargain was set, a slight sting of pain ran through your forearm as a bargain tattoo was crafted. The night sky mixed with the sun. A bargain between you and your mate. The happiest of endings, one you were so thankful for.

[thergbvision]

Hello Tumblr,

It’s been a while. With this whole tiktok ban happening in the US and everything being so up in the air I decided to return to my roots, as the millennial I am.

How have you been? I’ve been through a lot this year but I’m totally obsessed with The Empyrean series and other romantasy books while I’m going through some things.

I have some health concerns but I see the neurologist at the end of this month and the endocrinologist so, little steps.

My pain today is okay and I’m listening to Fourth Wing for the third time in 2025. I’m a little hyperfixated, have some art!

It’s me as a dragon rider.

As someone with POTS and a lot of hEDS symptoms I’m going through the process to get genetic tested for hEDS which has been a thing but it’s why I connect so much with Violet Sorrengail and am obsessed with The Empyrean series so much. I see me in her, and I see her in me.

Remember, in the words of Rebecca Yarros, “Not all strength is physical”.

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

[iaminfourthwing]

The Generals Daughter

Chapter X

It’s way too quiet as the sun shines on us during morning formation. Aurelie’s name was called through the rotunda a few minutes ago and I saw Violet whipping a stray tear away. Luca tensed, hearing the name of our fallen squad mate, knowing that I could have saved her if she hadn’t pushed me to the ground.

Aurelie’s scream and her broken body haunts me. Nightmare after nightmare. Sometimes it was Violet laying there, then it was Rhiannon, or Ridoc, or Sawyer. And then Aurelie again. I really hope it haunts Luca as well.

It made me realize how time works at Basgiath. Some of us have more, some of us less. And out of our group, Aurelie was the first one to meet Malek way to early. It makes me so incredibly sad, and angry, and devastated. And I fear for Violet. One short moment is enough – and she could be gone as well.

*Flashback*

Stunned and in utter disbelief, I look down where Aurelie’s broken body lays.

Aurelie, who was looking forward to the training and presentation. Aurelie, who was looking forward to Threshing and having her own dragon. Aurelie, who wanted to make her father and brother proud. Aurelie, who was always in a good mood and tried to help everyone of us as much as she could.

And now she is dead. Gone. Forever.

I slowly pick myself up, trying to hide the violent shaking, a high-pitched ringing in my ears. I can’t hear Violets scream, or Ridocs, or Trinas. Can’t hear Tynan’s nasty laugh.

The only thing I notice is Lucas’s heavy breathing behind, maybe still in disbelief too, to what she just did.

My body fills with anger, and pain, and pure rage.

Furious, I whip around, facing the blonde girl, who looks extremely terrified at the moment. Fear is radiating from her. I know how I must look like right now … dilated pupils, pitch black. A nasty snarl on my face, teeth bared. I think, I look like a feral animal, but can’t bring myself to care.

“Are you actually, totally fucking stupid?! I could have reached her. I could have FUCKING CATCHED HER FOR FUCKS SAKE! WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?!” I roar, struggling to form full sentences in my rage.

There is talking above us, but I don’t bother listening.

“SHE WAS OUR FUCKING SQUADMATE, YOU STUPID IDIOT!! WHY ARE YOU PULLING SUCH SHIT?!” My roar echoes from the mountains, pretty sure you can hear it in the college as well.

“I- she- you have to understand …” she stutters.

The rage is clouding my mind. Racing towards her, I grab her collar harshly, choking her in the process and pull her into my face. She claws at my hand, trying to get air into her lungs.

“You can be fucking happy I am not in a killing mood or else you would lay down there with her” I spit out. “Every bone broken, splattered on the gravel. If you ever do shit like this again, I will kill you myself, with my bare hands, slowly and painfully. Without any witnesses. Squad mates be damned, since you clearly didn’t care as well.”

With that, I let her go and push her away, turning on my heel and start finishing the course. After a few more minutes I finish successfully and reach the top. I immediately take Violets shaking form into my arms, comforting her.

*Flashback ends*

When morning formation ends, we get ready to go to our classes, but Dain stops us.

“Okay … I know we lost one of us yesterday and that some of you were close with her, but this tension is almost suffocating. What the fuck happened, that everyone acts like scared chickens?” he asks us, brows furrowed, clearly frustrated with the behavior of his squad.

I notice that almost everyone in Fourth Wing is lingering, trying to catch some gossip. Our wingleader and his minions too. My friends look around anxiously, but no one says anything. Violet shifts on her feet while Ridoc and Sawyer share awkward glances, the second and third years looking just as confused as Dain, having no clue what happened yesterday. Seems like no one said anything after yesterday’s actions.

The moment Tynan lay his eyes on my tense form, Dain looks at his face and follows his line of sight, sighing deeply when he finds me.

Oh, I dare him to blame anything on me. I’ll actually tear him a new one, if he starts shit with me now.

Raising a brow, he asks “What did you do?”

When my heated glare finds his eyes, he flinches visibly. Good, don’t even try asshole. I am in the mood to punch someone, even if it’s my squad leader. I am sure, Xaden wouldn’t stop me.

Rhiannon clears her throat, gaining the attention of the others. “Well, Aurelie’s fall was an accident” Violet turns her head to the side “but … Arya could have caught her.”

I feel the eyes of more than one hundred cadets on me and it annoys me. Knowing what everyone thinks, I just take a deep breath, mentally preparing for what’s to come.

Imogen lifts an eyebrow. “And why haven’t you?”

My eyes find hers. “I don’t know. Maybe you should ask the annoying blonde next to you.”

Said girl looks up and flinches terrified when she looks at me, letting out a high-pitched squeak.

“Luca? What did you do?” Heaton is the one asking her, intrigued to where the conversation will lead. She mumbles to herself.

“Talk!” I order her loudly, making her and some of the other cadet’s flinch, again.

“I slammed Arya to the ground, so she couldn’t reach her” she says louder. “But then she attacked me!” Luca accuses me.

A sarcastic laugh finds its way out. “You deserve so much worse” I hiss. “Wait” a second year from Tail Section speaks up, “that was you yesterday? The roaring that echoed from the cliffside?!” she asks. I nod.

“Yes, and she choked me” Luca whines.

“Hardly, you don’t even have any bruises, so quit whining like a soon to be slaughtered pig.” I don’t even try to hide the annoyance in my tone. She has no idea what choking feels like. When you try to fight for your life, while someone wants to kill you with their bare hands.

“You threatened to kill me as revenge!”

I scoff. “Revenge is beneath me” pausing, a murderous glint finds its way into my eyes “but … accidents happen.” Gulping hard, she turns to our squad leader for help.

“Okay enough! We can’t change that Aurelie is dead. But you won’t kill your squad mates. That’s against the Codex.” Of fucking course. Chuckling fills the rotunda, most of the cadets amused by his statement.

“In my defense, my dearest squad leader, I simply do not vibe with the Codex.” I spit out. He really has the audacity to look offended.

Someone chokes out a laugh on my right side. My eyes find the gorgeous brown ones of Bodhi and I can see the amusement in them. And … a proud glint?

Next to him stands his cousin. He looks like he has no idea if he should laugh or glare at me, it’s kind of a mix. Garrick Tavis, our section leader, stands on Xadens other side and he doesn’t bother to hide his amusement.

With that I turn around and make my way to Battle Brief.

[makerofmadness]

Aight so. As promised (by that I mean: as the poll willed) here is: me rambling about design choices and stuff in my AU 'cus I dunno if people will ever ask me about any of this otherwise. (link to the post with all the AU designs)

Shadow Milk

His dress's diamond pattern was meant to kinda evoke stars in a dark night sky

His monocle is tinted yellow. Thought that would be a good sort-of parallel to PV's blue eye

Driftwood came up with the moon design on the bow

His hairstyle and other parts of his design were inspired by the silhouette of his pre-beast self

The bit of his hair that juts out is also somewhat of a moon

The choice for bows was kinda just because I thought it fit with his personality. Ostentatious.

Pure Vanilla

I already explained his flower after being asked

He's a pierrot <3

His face makeup is supposed to give him a subtle "crying" look. And yeah he's wearing face paint, you can still see his dough color on his hands.

Yeah his sleeves are huge. Driftwood was the real one who designed him just with my input on ideas just to be clear, but I do hope stuff like that makes him look "smaller" in more than one sense.

The black pupil shapes are meant to be like that one shape that's all over CRK you know the one it's like 'nilla's soul jam but with a fourth round part

His messy hair is a reference to his blueberry yogurt academy design

Mystic Flour

I was originally thinking her sword would just be generic because I imagine she doesn't really use it but driftwood gave it a cool design which is infinitely more based. Flour still does not really use it she's more a healer/commander than a fighter so it's more I guess symbolic is what I'd call it

The scar over her eye I imagine came from her first encounter with the dark cacao kingdom's wilderness

The dragons are actually in her necklace I imagine

Her design went through a long and arduous process because it turns out flour's sprite is just really hard to edit when you need to do anything with her arms lol

Her hair bun design was taken from another "redeemed flour" design driftwood made once. She said that the hair bun is meant to look like a dumpling bun

her and Cacao's soul jam shapes being mixed up was. Admittedly an error XD but hey it looks good-

Dark Cacao

The reason his eyes are all weird is because I thought the idea of him crying so much his eyecing ran permanently by the time the tears dried just felt like "video game lore" like it's something you'd read about in one of the split-second loading screens in the game or in his story bio. It just kinda came to me naturally, it felt right with the design- probably because it also resembles icicles.

His whole "bloom of apathy" thing is based on sugar blooming in chocolate. Have you ever eaten chocolate with sugar blooms before? The texture is all powdery and sad and it ends up tasting like disappointment (I am speaking from experience).

The clouds over his head are like the ones associated with Mystic Flour. Reference to the saying about having a dark/black cloud hanging over your head. (Expecting the worst to come/bad things to happen, having a pessimistic and/or negative mindset, etc.)

I call his sword the Ivory Blade. Idk if he'd call it anything in particular, to be honest. probably never cared to name it.

The white of his outfit isn't an even split as you can see with both sleeves; it tears up over his heart.

Originally he was gonna have two scarves and thank God driftwood vetoed that and gave him a cape instead because the second scarf would have not translated well into the sprite (I was going for something that would have referenced the black and white dragons but it would have looked silly in practice). She said the cape was meant to give a "snuffed out by apathy" feeling and I think that it fit way better overall so this is a Thank You Driftwood moment XD

That being said: his wings do take their color direction from the dragons so they are still referenced in the end. (Fun fact; they're nonfunctional, he can't fly with those)

Burning Spice

He doesn't have much on in terms of golden accessories because I wanted to emphasize him being more "modest"/not caring as much about gold

His parashu color choice was inspired by this one image driftwood sent me. I don't know where this comes from in the game exactly but the colors just felt appropriate for this:

His crown is made of cheese btw. It's cut kinda hastily like it was a last-minute decision...

He's mostly just in fettuccine wraps 'cus he spends so much time fighting and doesn't really care as much as he should for his physical well-being.

Uh the rest of his "apparel" is actually also meant to be based on specific cheeses which... well I was the one who took over on this edit and I'm not as experienced with sprite editing as driftwood so it probably didn't come across so well but uh I can point to pepperjack and liptauer. I forget what I was inspired by for the crown though other than MAYBE reaper cheddar? It may just be a non-spicy cheese with bits of pepper added in, otherwise

His parashu being double-bladed was literally for no other reason than "I thought it would look cool" I can be silly sometimes too okay-

Golden Cheese

Yeah I think the demon resemblance with the wings and her crown's horns go without saying. Her wings are also supposed to have a look like torn cloth.

She wears even more gold jewelry than she used to. The idea is that she tries to cover herself in more gold to make up for her loss of radiance.

Yes, those are in fact ✨Cheese Tights✨ (I imagine they used to not be torn but probably got scuffed like that after enough rounds of destruction that it wasn't worth getting them fixed up)

You can still see where the Virtue of Change originally went on her body :3 She plans to use that spot for a certain other light once she gets it back...

Yeah there's a massive crack in her face (we're kinda inconsistent about the design of it but tbh the way it looks doesn't really matter so much as what it represents). And yeah her eye is all glitched-out. You know what they say about eyes being the window to the soul? The day she finally cracked, it showed through more ways than one.

Eternal Sugar

Yes, those are sugarberries. And yes sugarberries are real things Driftwood was the one who found that out and made the choice to include them in the design X3

They don't have the demon wings anymore, but the tail is still present.

That is in fact the Hollyberry Kingdom's crown that the Soul Jam is in.

Their lyre's design was inspired by that one guild relic violin

Hollyberry

I went with the "tiger" theme because tigers are associated with Dionysus (Greek God of wine-making, festivities and madness) while also being associated with things like strength and courage which are fitting attributes for Hollyberry Cookie as she is pre-fall from grace. Plus, they're big cats, and cats are perfect for Lazy creatures :3 /silly

Her hair is meant to be more like frosting than icing, hence the fluffier (or furrier) look.

The markings on her face are inspired by face stripe patterns on tiger's faces, as in I looked at actual pictures of tigers and saw that some had face stripes that looked vaguely like smiley faces and I wanted to take advantage of that.

I will fully admit that I traced the ears from chili pepper cookie's tiger-themed costume from ovenbreak :'3

Originally I was gonna give her a jacket but I'm not as good at sprite editing as driftwood so I had to cut it. I feel like her ending up with a simpler design is better overall in the end. (Driftwood ended up doing the shield patterns/details, the hair and the tail though so thank her for that I couldn't do those things X3)

She isn't wearing gloves. Her hands are just covered in white fur. I originally kinda wanted it to be a bit ambiguous but I've realized in terms of actually writing her I kinda have to lean into one or the other in terms of descriptions so I went with the borderline-paws option.

Her tail is just a bunch of upside-down hearts. I thought it would be neat to like very vaguely give her an angel-devil look like sugar had but in a way subtler way to make them parallel, so the upside down heart tail thing and giving her a halo was kinda a means to do that. (The halo's made of berry juice btw! No you cannot slurp it)

Her dress having the huge heart over it is does speak true to herself. She still has a big heart.

Removing a lot of the sharper-looking leaves was figuratively "declawing" her but the ones left and then added to her shield are for a reason. The ones on the bell on her dress make it look vaguely heart-shaped while on her shield they resemble upside-down hearts like the light of sloth. Wouldn't be Hollyberry Cookie without a bunch of hidden and not-so-hidden hearts on her design <3

[acesgarden]

can you please do a movie Lloyd X reader basically this takes place after the movie so everyone in Ninjago city knows that Lloyd is the green ninja but back to the plot Lloyd is currently going through the Oni and dragon equivalent of puberty so he is growing 2 new arms, horns, Wings and a tail and the reader always visit and Lloyd is starting to feel insecure so the reader shows Lloyd all the messages on her phone and all of them are from there school saying that Lloyd will always be the city green ninja and so on and Lloyd is happy that everyone will accept him and the reader and Lloyd end up cuddling and then garmadon walks in accidentally and processed to embarrass Lloyd in front of the reader and the reader pushes garmadon out of Lloyd room and the reader locks the door so both the reader and Lloyd can have cuddling in peace and the reader says that she loves him no matter what he will look like

Helloooo! I wanna say thank you to who sent in all those requests although i’ve only decided to do two of them ^^’ I still appreciate it!! I am excited to write this one hehe. I’m a sucker for comfort stuff (thought this turned out more like a hurt comfort tbh) so I hope this does the request right! (cause it kinda deviates from the request a bit) I apologize for how long this took to get out. 😭

“In my eyes, you are everything”

Type->

One-Shot

Pairing ->

Movie!Lloyd G. x F!Reader

Warnings ->

Blood mentions, OOC Lloyd(?)

Summary ->

After the events of the movie, Y/n and Lloyd officially get together and often sneak into each other's houses. But one thing Lloyd just so happens to forgets to mention is the fact he has Oni and Dragon blood. And Y/n only finds out when she stumbles upon Lloyd panicking over going through changes. Aka Y/n comforts Lloyd going through Oni/Dragon puberty.

1.7k Words | Masterlist

Footsteps trudged against the pavement of Ninjago city. Today had been a long day for Y/n, but work was always exhausting. What made it worth the wait though was getting to see her best friend and boyfriend, Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon.

Her pace quicken the second she saw that familiar apartment complex. She rushed to the alleyway as soon as she reached it and found the usual fire escape. Rusty as it was the fire escape was surprisingly sound. Climbing past the first…second…third, and finally on the fourth floor.

There wasn’t much to see through the curtains but if Y/n was right.. the window slid open with ease and she climbed in. The room was nice, surprisingly messy but overall organized. She scanned the room even with how familiar it was. Yet there was no sign of Lloyd.

“Must be getting a snack or something..” she mumbled plopping onto his bed starfish style. The feeling of soft sheets let her sink into the familiar mattress sighing contently. She always got jealous of this because seriously?! How does he get one this comfortable!

Y/n stared at the ceiling, more specifically as the spinning fan. The clock ticking in the background producing a rhythmical melody. A minute passed and Y/n got a little curious but stayed still, then another passed, and another. Still remaining comfortable until about five minutes. That’s when She began to worry. Had she misread the texts? Were they supposed to meet at her house?

Rolling over and pulling out her phone to opening their conversation from earlier. And right there, clear as day it confirmed they were in fact supposed to meet at Lloyd’s…but where was he? Y/n concerned shot him a text asking if he was okay and where he was. She put her phone down afterwards resuming staring at the ceiling.

A noise came from the bathroom, like something got knocked over and a pained hiss followed behind it. Worry flooded her systems as she hastily rushed to the bathroom door. Y/n knocked calling out “Lloyd? Is that you?” No answer. “Lloyd” and again there was no answer. So she tried the door handle, unlocked. She peeked in before swinging the door open. There stood Lloyd facing the mirror, hands messing with something on his head, and a box of bandages spilt over on the floor. “Lloyd..” Y/n moved closer but he just turned away like he was ashamed of something. “Whats wrong Lloyd? Are you hurt?” Y/n questioned, her voice soft.

Lloyd turned his head slightly and Y/n places a hand on his shoulder, he turned towards her hesitantly. Finally, as the two stood face to face Y/n cupped the teens cheek looking him over. There was dried blood matted into his hair, on his fingers and under his nails, on his forehead too. Two horns were visibly poking through his hair. And without a second thought he was pulled into a hug, tightly but not to tight either. She could feel his tears soaking her clothes but didn’t care.

Lloyd was gripping her hard, she still did not care, only pulling him closer. his knees felt weak as they both slowly sank to the floor. She rubbed circles into his back and ran fingers through his messy hair. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Y/n asked pulling away now holding Lloyd’s face in her hands. He didn’t say anything at first.

“Puberty..” Lloyd mumbled which led to a slightly confused look forming on her face. “Puberty?” She stated and Lloyd nodded. “Oni…Dragon? Puberty” Lloyd added and Y/n nodded “mmm.” She pushed his hair out of his face, wiping away the tears. “How do you feel right now?”

“Weird and and scared, scared of how people will see me now that not only am I, a Garmadon, but also..a monster.” The last part was spoken softly as he adverted his eyes from her. He didn’t want her to see the forming tears.

“Monster? No no no. Lloyd. You are not a monster. You’re changing and that is okay. I remember this story..The First Spinjitzu Master..he was the mix of Oni and Dragon..right?”

Lloyd nodded, not seeing why that story was relevant.

“and he had two sons, one of them being Garmadon, your father.”

Again, Lloyd nodded starting to catch on.

“It’s because of your heritage is it not then?”

For a third time Lloyd nodded.

“Then there is no reason to call yourself a monster. You should be proud to wear these. A symbol of your heritage and a reminder to yourself and the people that even now there is still a great person protecting them. This realm, and everything you stand for.”

Lloyd glanced back at her, sniffling.

“Mhm… I think we should probably get you cleaned up.” Y/n said referring to the dried up blood. She watched Lloyd awkwardly smiled and nodded. Getting up she looked around the bathroom.

“Sink cabinets.”

“Thanks” Y/n replied crouching down, opening the sink, grabbing an excess cloth before going to damp it with water. Getting on the ground she pushed Lloyd’s hair out of the way again and pressed the cloth to his forehead wiping the blood.

Lloyd hummed as if holding in the pain. “I know, it’ll hurt for a bit..once I get the blood off i’ll need to clean it so it doesn’t get infected.” Y/n explained continuing her work. She finished with his forehead moving on to his fingers and under nails. That was much significantly easier to clean. Y/n turned back to the sink’s cabinets for the med kit, and grabbing rubbing alcohol. “Ok, this will hurt. I’m gonna count to three so brace yourself.” She warned getting the gauze ready.

“Ok, 1, 2, 3” she began to clean the wound as Lloyd hissed trying to pull away. “Moving is only gonna make it worse.” Y/n warned..again.

Lloyd mumbles trying to not move as much.

Y/n finished and dressed the wounds. “How’s that?”

Lloyd nodded, “better thank you..” He watched his girlfriend nod and peck his forehead.

“Cmon, let’s go get comfy.” Y/n pulled up Lloyd and they walked back to the bed to get comfortable, maybe watch a show or something. She plopped down by the top while Lloyd sat at the edge near the bottom. Something was still bothering him it seemed. So she flipped over putting her head in her hands.

“You feeling any better?” Y/n asked.

“not really..” was the reply.

Y/n sat up, “come here.” She patted the place beside her. Her boyfriend moved closer and leaned on her. She pulled him closer. Her fingers brushing through his hair once again.

“I love you Lloyd, nothings ever gonna change that.”

Lloyd nodded “I know that..I love you to, so much. I’m just scared how others will see me” he spoke. “That they will no longer see me as their green ninja..that i’m..” He didn’t finish his statement.

Y/n gave him a look “Lloyd.”

Lloyd continued “different enough to be shammed, that I reflect my father more than my uncle or or the First Spinjitzu Master. I don’t want people to be afraid of me-“

“Lloyd-“

“What if they start being afraid of me!-“

Y/n pecked his lips. “Lloyd!” He just stared at her “You are and will always be this cities green ninja, you are this cities hero, They are not afraid of you, they love you Lloyd.” Y/n cupped her boyfriend’s face.

“You are my hero, you are my favorite person in all of Ninjago, because you are you.” Y/n began pecking his face, starting on his forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, lips. “I love every inch of you. In my eyes, you are everything. You’re my world, heart, and sun. I smile every time you text me, every time I see you, your appearance will never change that.”

“How would you know that?”

Y/n looked confused, “what do you mean?”

“How do you know they don’t hate me.”

Y/n shows him her phone, she had Chirp pulled up. On the trending page were #GreenNinja, #Weloveyougreenninja, #LloydGarmadon, etc. She turned her phone away to click on one of the hashtags and turned it back scrolling through all the chirps. hundreds, thousands, of them about how the cites green ninja and hero. How they love him, congrats on saving the city and many more. That wasn’t all, she pulled the phone away and opened Instabook. Scrolling through hashtags related to him, even showing post from many of the students and school.

“They don’t Lloyd, they love you, as do I. Don’t forget that okay?”

Lloyd stared at her before tackling her in a hug. Causing his girlfriend to giggle, Y/n paused not even realizing till now “you have four arms?”

“…you don’t mind them?” Lloyd asked.

“What? No! they’re awesome! I mean like with four arms just think of all the things you could do, climbing faster, fighting faster! Plussss you can give me more cuddlessss.” Y/n said booping Lloyd’s nose. She pecked him and began to run her fingers through his hair.

They fell into a comfortable silence, just her and Lloyd together. Everything was alright in the world as if it remained only them two. Lloyd falling asleep on her as she falls asleep holding him.

Y/n looked down with a small smile, Lloyd looked half asleep by now. Especially in all this peace and quiet-

The door slammed open.

“Guess I spoke to soon..” mumbled Y/n

Lloyd shot up looking in the direction of the door and groaned plopping back onto Y/n. “Go away dad”

“Oh, did I interrupt something?” Garmadon spoke with a teasing tone and a raised eyebrow.

Lloyd’s face turned red which Y/n got a glimpse of. Burry his face into her more. Y/n just giggled at his response.

“You know you should really lock the door, son” Lloyd groaned “daddd.” All Y/n could do was giggle at this interaction.

Another head peaked through the open doorway. “Honey we should leave the kids alone. Let them have their fun.” Koko, Lloyd’s mom, winked.

“Moooomm not you too!”

Koko laughed. “Okay okay, we’ll leave you alone. Cmon you.” His mom dragged away Garmadon.

“Thanks Mrs. G!” Y/n Yelled out as Lloyd used his elemental power to shut and lock the door.

The two got comfortable again, cuddling up and laughing. Eventually falling asleep together, embracing themselves in each other’s warmth and arms.

[pigeon-dyke]

PIGEON HRT: Part 4

》~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~《

MONTH 4

[Patient Checkup Report, from the office of M. Washington M.D.]

Today is the fourth monthly checkup for “Pigeon” [LEGAL NAME REDACTED].

Pigeon (as it would like to be called from now on), has been taking an experimental variation of HRT, or Humanity Removal Therapy, for the last four months. This has been undertaken with the goal of transforming her into an anthropomorphic pigeon-human hybrid. Notes on its transition status are as follows; 

Physical Changes

The most notable change so far is the patient’s feather development. The quill growth was noted extensively in its last visit, but they have sprouted and developed barbs and barbicels at an unprecedented rate. Many of the patient’s primary feathers have now fully formed, and the amount of bare skin visible is decreasing daily. 

I expressed my concerns about this quickened pace of transition, and suggested that the dosage be lowered, but the patient says it prefers these fast changes. As long as there is no physical danger in this dosage, I will follow the patient’s wishes. 

The shape and structure of Pigeon’s skull has begun shifting, with the beginnings of a beak evident around its mouth. The patient has described a dull, ache of a pain, but says it is nothing she “can’t handle”. I have prescribed her low strength painkillers as a precaution, as the discomfort is likely to increase steadily as the beak takes shape. 

The patient has also described “weird” feelings in its arm joints, likely the start of wing formation. According to measurements, its arms have grown roughly 3 inches longer since the last visit, and close observation shows that thick flaps of skin are developing between the patient's forearms and brachia. I have made a note to monitor this area closely in future visits. 

Mental Changes 

Going through the mental changes with Pigeon has been a somewhat complex process; many inherent species instincts have appeared, and, rather than directly questioning them, the patient seems to accept them with little to no thought or anxieties. This is obviously the ideal way for mental shifts to happen in an animal transition, but it does make cataloguing individual changes rather challenging at times. 

One such example is, Pigeon neglected to mention her new, more intense nesting instincts until near the end of the visit, when she casually mentioned stopping at a store to acquire new components for her nest on her way home.  

After some directed questions, the patient also spoke about its recent, heavier prey instincts. These included deep discomfort and anxiety around large cats and birds of prey, as well as increased feelings of safety in higher, secluded spaces.

A change that she did take direct note of, however, is the newfound desire to consume insects. She phrased her discomfort with the idea as “being a bit weirded out”, but after some advising, she stated that she would try incorporating them into her diet. I have made a note to ask about progress on this during its next visit. 

Overall, Pigeon reports that she is feeling happy, and optimistic about these changes. Its transition is coming along very smoothly, and I see no need to change any medications or schedule additional checkups on top of the current monthly plan. 

END REPORT

》~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~《

Previous Part

Next Part (Coming Soon!)

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

Processing through Fourth Wing's Ending thoughts with me Part 4 with SPOILERS!!! (& other 3 post summaries + some Iron Flame theories)

So:

I think Xaden is gonna have a long journey in winning Violet back (as he should, she deserves to be fought for & respected in boundaries). Though it’s also a little hard to watch knowing where this all comes from & it’s a little mixed up/misdirected.

Speaking of misdirection Dain Aetos has some explaining to do, unless I read that wrong; if he intentionally sent Violet & Liam off to their deaths thanks to his betrayal… nope. No.

I am utterly destroyed over Liam & dreading the aftershocks of it… meeting his sister is going to make me cry & I will protect that baby with my life.

Brennan also has some explaining to do, backstory to give, etc.

So mostly I’m ruined and this book is gonna ruin me even more and then it’ll be time to cry with Onyx Storm… so… yeahhh

I am dying to know what the deal is with Lilith Sorrengail… she can’t truly have meant to get her children killed can she? Is she a part of the rebellion somehow? And what was the deal with Violet’s dad? Plus a lesser but still prominent question: what does Mira know? I get the feeling it’s not much… but I am curious all things considered how many more secrets that family holds.

Violet included in the latter as I wonder if the poison affected her memory, powers, etc. it seemed to be a different situation (to the level I was worried she’d turn Venin or something). Have her powers changed with Andarna growing? — WHY DID ANDARNA GROW? How long was she asleep for? What does that make the powers now? … also morbid question I don’t want the answer to but have a fear of learning: if Tairn dies could Andarna keep Violet alive?.. I just have a bad feeling about one of her dragons all things considered. — I’m just scared of who’s going to die next book since clearly they are not afraid to kill the ones I love.

Not important, probably fine, but how’s Rhi? I miss my bestie girl… where is she? What’s up babe? Will I get my crew back? Please tell me she and Riddoc did no betraying.😅😅

And of course between characters and secrets and the final chapter being Xaden’s perspective: what are the many stories he has yet to tell? What’s the deal with his mom? What’s all those one line mentions of things to catch Violet up on?.. please tell me we resume in time so it’s not 5 chapter of brief references & 0 explanations?

I have a bad feeling the robed Venin are someone we know or a bigger deal… also probably Dain’s dad being evil… and some big horrible betrayal upcoming and hurting my babies so not looking forward to that.

Mostly it’ll be fun to see what another year looks like… especially when Xaden graduates… and is tethered to Violet who is going to probably hate him & fill the book with angst… so I’m gonna have to strap in for a bump ride I suppose. We shall see! And no spoilers please these questions are rhetorical/hypothetical😂 though if anything happens to Liam’s little sister give me a heads up please🙃

Finally, in review of the first book:

I love Violet. Her heart is her first power, I love the brave fierce way she loves, and has a true compass for goodness… the way she didn’t blink at rebellion if it was right; she processed that extraordinarily fast & it says a lot as to her as a character. I love her wit, which is honestly awe striking and a superpower in itself and we just LOVE a smart heroine. She is also an awesome representation for the EDS/Chronic Illness community and FMC’s in general, which I greatly appreciated (especially for how relatable she managed to be not only for the disability community, but young identifying women who get called “crazy” or “not believed”, kids who are bullied (though this book is not for kids😅😂) and just generally speaking esp. for being fantasy fiction… she’s funny, she’s a mood, and her POV was great).

On the note of representation: I also loved the way they did adaptations (such as the saddle for example: because she did the work, and it’s just not accessible, so why not make it functional? The debate she has of using it or not resembles conversations I’ve had with many people when it comes to mobility aids, they worry about people seeing, about people thinking them less capable, about the mentality of “power through it” when really it makes more sense just to use the help you have when you need it… it’s not an act of weakness or lesser). The way Rhi even tries to compliment it, to encourage her, and the agency it still gives Tairn & even Andarna, who’s a friggin time-stopping dragon (she’s certainly not weak even if she is not as “strong”—not the word I’m looking for as the other dragons, she’s still a dragon) and she too uses the help!

And the dynamics they have within chronic illness relationships… from the over-protective: I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN many people end up with in siblings & previous caregivers. To the truth that there are some things you cannot do on your own and that’s okay even if your never okay with it. To the way Xaden not once thinks less of Violet for it or gives her special treatment; he is fair to each of them (well as fair as Xaden can be amid murder school). Or the way Dain’s comfort quickly turns into a stinging degradation even if it’s well-meaning & frankly valid (she may very well get herself killed there, he’s not wrong; but he also could, and she could die just as easily getting sent back) it’s her choice, and she does a damn good job honestly. And they try to give agency to Violet in that where they can and I appreciated that.

I love Tairn a lot, especially in character dynamics like his humor & protective affection for Violet in reminding her she is worthy & also please don’t die. He loves a lot, especially for such a “scary, tough” dragon. There’s a strength to that sort of love. And of course Andarna who is a fierce, brave, loving, joyous, other half to Violet’s soul… how could you not love her?

Xaden managed to avoid some very frequent and infuriating YA love interest tropes that I appreciated and while I won’t claim him to be “perfect” (because I know all YA novels have a problem if we’re gonna make it real world) but for the sake of character I actually found him to be not only attractive, intriguing, and entertaining as the classic “rebellious, bad boy, enemies to lovers, angsty brooding burdened softy” but also empowering, fiercely loving, protective but not stifling, and some strong standing points that are needed such as consent, or the why as to how he cares for people. He’s got good reasoning. He’s not needlessly cruel. He also has a cause he is a rebel with a cause, and not some nonsensical brooding, no he has reason. Generally I found him interesting & entertaining without being infuriating. And while he has his issues he’s a very young guy kinda issues? Idk the right way to put it. But I do think him and Violet with trust, and no “forced bodyguard” situations have the potential to be a really awesome couple. I mean he’s pretty much a shadow boi… like it’s fairly simple😂 and she’s the sunny & stormy trope. So, of course I’m an absolute idiot for him and find them sweet.

Also thanks for making the best friend bi! And if I’m correct some non-binary characters too! This book did a good job at trying to give some more representation. And managed to go beyond the basics of YA novels.

Overall it made me laugh it made me cry, I’m not calling it the perfect book but minus killing off one of my favorite characters it was a lot of fun and I look forward to the next one and think this will definitely be a favorite series of all time. And while I’ll process for fuller reviews (not that this isn’t already obnoxiously long). I really enjoyed this one a LOT!

So, off to Iron Flame with our theories, feels, and thoughts we go! Wish me luck! And we’re almost to Onyx Storm so yay for all you long-term fans!

(Should I read slow to avoid waiting a few days inbetween? I’m worried for a cliff-hanger😂)

Oh, and because he deserves to be in here: Yes, Liam was a favorite from day one. He always will be. He was just genuinely good, easy to like, funny, entertaining in his conversations to everyone, depth to the feelings it brought he added layers to many stories, he was kind and loyal… so loyal… somehow even to Violet, even with the lies, he was a good friend and he loved them all a lot. And more than just brawn (though also he was described to be a total heartthrob) he was also smart! And he learned sign language which I always love as someone who grew up speaking ASL for my sisters… he was the best of his class, and frankly just deserved a lot more. Watch Deigh & then him die broke me and I really thought they’d find a way out of it because he just loved his friends so much.😭 And I hate that this is gonna be the pain of the next book… it’s a little too personal for me right now in my own real life with holiday grief & stuff so I totally bawled like a baby… and the fact he said he just wanted to be alive, and see his sister… yeah-not-okay-enough to write this. I shall miss our sweet bb blonde wood carver boi.

Okay, time to go be basic: fall for the shadow guy, root for the FMC & project my life onto her, feel all the ship angst, cry for the fictional sweetheart, & totally fall for whatever the writes me to like/hate & guiltily forgive/hold onto…

[ceilidho]

Sorry to dump this here, but no one in my immediate and/or accessible circle reads as much as I do and this conversation came up at the right time.

I don't read a lot of romance and I started reading some popular ones last year to ease my way into it. I feel like such a snob to say this, but the plot and writing are never fully fleshed out nor are the characters. None of the romantic actions I see people swoon over are ever explained well enough for me to understand the hype. A scene in which there should be an emotional inner monologue is shorted to a paragraph and if the character is toxic (I understand a lot of people enjoy toxic/dark men, but romance books never write them well enough) and destroys the other character's life/says a relationship-ending lie/any other cliche, there is never enough explanation, justification, groveling, or any thought process behind the reconciliation.

It's always just one half-written and half-baked trope after the other.

Again, apologies for dumping it here, but I think there are such damning consequences for women (the main demographic of romance readers) who read things like this and don't give constructive criticism or thought when facing these problems.

no but you're 100% right. i mean, this is one annoying bitch's opinion (mine LMAO) but trad publishing is in the absolute pits right now. that's not to say that there aren't still some good books coming out because of course, every now and then you're going to get a gem. but i think the environment has become outwardly hostile to good writing.

i mean, i know this has been discussed a ton, but the "fast fashionization" of books has become a huge problem. every time there's a new microtrend or whatever, every author rushes to push out a book to meet the demand (see: the hockey romance trend). this, obviously, means that the editing time is severely compressed and you get books published by like harper collins and penguin with typos, grammar issues, and more.

i got some flack for this when i posted about it on twitter ahah but i honestly do not understand why the sequel to "fourth wing" came out so soon (not even getting into the messy qualities of the first book). sequels used to take a year or more to come out to allow for the book to go through several rounds of editing and fine tuning! what happened??!!

i think authors now feel compelled to get their books out as soon as possible out of fear that booktok/readers will simply move on after the initial hype and they'll lose their reader base. there's like an anxiety about being left behind in the current publishing world.

this is kind of in line with what i was talking about the other day with Bo actually - writing romance and smut is actually way harder than people think. you can't just use the same 5 recycled porn dialogue lines and call it a day. you have to care a little about the story you're trying to tell, not just churning it out to make a buck or to make people pay attention to you. i'm not saying belabour every single action and decision made by your main character or go crazy on description (i still think the sweet spot for a published book is between 250-300 pages, and maybe more if you're writing a genre specific book that involves a lot of worldbuilding), but as a writer you need to want to be writing that book in the first place.

no one who's legitimately excited about what they're writing is going to resort to cliches and overused tropes - they might lean on tropes they like, but there's inevitably going to be something original and exciting there.

also my lil controversial opinion about the state of trad publishing lately is that i think it's 100% influenced by this weird pervasive strain of purity culture that's on booktok where people feel like any enjoyment they get from reading a particular thing has a direct reflection on them as a person and their values. rather than it just being a book.

(by the way i actually completely agree with you that even dark romances are as bad as everything else we've been talking about - that's another conversation lol. i also kind of agree with the idea of more romance books coming with content warnings on the front page - this hasn't really caught on yet except with some dark romance authors but i think it's a really good idea)

i don't think there's anything wrong about people getting excited about books on tiktok and instagram and youtube btw. i think it's a fun way to share recommendations, commentary, and interests. what i think is the big problem is that the publishing industry has almost become beholden to trends and online perception because they've seen how much profit they can generate by catering to it, and i think that's why books now just feel bland and soulless. they're tapping into a FOMO on both the authors' and writers' side, of either being left behind and not being able to make a living, or missing out on what everyone else is reading and talking about.

[moonlitcomet]

Griffons are very intelligent, easily-raised, and highly versatile animals. Due to their existence as one of the most popular animals on Aurus to keep as pets - third only to cats and hounds - they also go through their ups and downs of husbandry.

This image primarily details wing clipping and breeding practices.

Wing clipping is a highly controversial and increasingly illegal practice that is done on newborn griffons before their enlarged wing phalanges stiffen and are ready for flight. This process removes all bones past the first phalanx on their fourth digit, permanently crippling their ability to fly and forcing them to remain on the ground.

In the past, wing clipping was done as a functional cosmetic surgery to prevent captive griffons from escaping or flying into danger. Nowadays it is done primarily for ease of care, as winged griffons are notably more destructive than clipped griffons due to their increased mobility, or for aesthetic purposes to fit a supposed breed standard.

Clipped griffons experience lifelong pain and discomfort if not properly exercised due to deteriorating tendons and muscles, and are highly prone to neurotic behavior and aggression due to being unable to escape stressful situations. Many griffons who have their wings clipped will end up in animal shelters later on in life, which has begun a movement to outlaw griffon wing clipping and stigmatize it.

Breeding practices for griffons are about as variable as they are for any domestic animal. Some breeds of the domestic griffon are prone to health issues, and brachycephaly[flattening of the face and beak, leading to difficulty breathing and self-grooming] is one of them. While not as universally controversial as wing clipping, unethical breeding practices are similarly frowned upon.

[yurikalonesome]

Remember how I mentioned the star biology fact sheet? Yeah… I got carried away. It seems like I’ll do literally anything but write chapter 2. Anyway, there aren’t any spoilers here. I just wanted to write this not only for myself for reference, but also because none of this will come up in the story in extensive detail, so here it is.

I’m also bored and have nothing else to do since I’m nineteen hours away from home. So no drawing, or I would have done one to accompany this.

This is also the first time I’ve posted anything on my phone so fingers crossed this goes well.

Sex: Hermaphrodites

Lifespan: Billions to trillions of years

Type: Carnivores

Natural Predators: Every member of the Draconic family

Natural Prey: Every member of the Draconic family

Visible Physical Features:

- Humanoid

- Bipedal

- Uniquely shaped horns

- Long, pointed ears

- Large, dark eyes and white pupils

- A snout

- Four fingers

- Four claws

- Wings

Hidden Physical Features:

- Two long, curved, retractable fangs

- Sharp, serrated, retractable teeth

- One small, retractable stinger underneath each claw

- Two hot, solid cores that are located in the head and chest

Diet:

Dragon meat is preferred, although any form of meat will do.

Bones and organs are also eaten. However, they don’t like eating brains, hearts, and spines.

Natural Defences:

- Venomous

- Strong jaws

- Strong legs

- Fast reflexes

- Impenetrable outer shell

- Malleable body

- Regulated body temperature

- Boiling-hot blood

- Instant regeneration

- Stardust

Self-Defence Measures:

Venom consciously injected through fangs and stingers when provoked. It is potent enough to kill a fully grown elephant in seconds.

Their ability to regulate their body temperature allows them to burn or freeze anything that gets too close.

The tough, smooth surface of their shell is impossible for humans to damage. However, a star can crack and break another’s or their own shell, allowing their blood to flow. If their blood were to touch a living organism, they would suffer fourth-degree burns.

Claws are sharp enough to cut and slice through anything if the star wills it.

Their stardust can be melded into anything the star wants it to be, making them versatile and unpredictable.

They use their legs more than their arms in combat, kicking and stomping on their smaller opponents or prey to stun them.

Their mailable body allows them to make the ends of their legs sharp, which makes their kicks and stomps lethal.

The effectiveness of their horns depends on their shape. Depending on that factor, they could pierce, ram, or trap their opponent.

Their wings are strong and capable of breaking bones if struck by them.

Physical Observations:

Stars grow slowly. One year of age for humans takes one hundred for them. Because of this, there are stars that have been around since before the planets were formed.

Like everything else in the known universe, stars develop and hit certain milestones as they grow.

When they turn one-thousand-years-old, they grow their wings. This is a painful process akin to a baby teething.

When they turn one-thousand-and-three-hundred-years-old, their horns stop growing.

When they turn one-thousand-and-eight-hundred-years-old, they- *the following paragraph has been scribbled over*

Despite being humanoid in shape, stars do not have organs, feet, or bones. They do, however, have two hot cores that are located where a heart and brain would be. They are the sources of their magic and sentience. If both are destroyed, the star will die.

The core in their head acts as their brain and is the source of their sentience and magic.

The core in their chest acts as their heart and is the source of their emotions.

Due to not having feet, stars can’t walk, so they fly instead. If they are below the age of one thousand or find themselves on the ground, they get around by hopping from leg to leg. They are very agile in this regard, however they lose that agility the longer they rely on their wings, meaning many older stars that fall to the ground struggle to get up.

They are able to control every facet of their body and its lethality, allowing them to interact with Earth. They can touch living organisms with their claws without hurting them, because they subconsciously dull them on Earth. Similarly, they hide their teeth and fangs when interacting with humans, as the sight of them scares us.

When aggressive, their- *the rest of the paragraph has been scribbled over*

Societal Observations:

Stars wear clothes to identify which family they are a part of, as the designs are unique to each family. When two stars start their own family, the designs from both will be incorporated into their own to make a new one.

When stars are looking for a partner they- *the rest of the book’s pages have been torn out*

[acourtofladydeath]

Thank you for the tags @kale-theteaqueen, @fieldofdaisiies, @chunkypossum!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 40 works!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 298,908

3. What fandoms do you write for? ACOTAR, Fourth Wing, The Song of Achilles and Greek Mythology currently, but I've also written for Dr. Who, Torchwood, and Spartacus.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? This list always surprises me, and I don't think it reflects my best or my favorite works at all. I always have to remind myself that kudos are just a number, and there's so many other ways to judge fics! But here's the list:

3 Jewels in the Hewn City

One Bed, One Bond, and a Pair of Wings

Enter: Uncle Autumn

All I Want for Solstice is You

Stairway Snoops

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes!!! I love interacting with everyone who reads my fics. My DM's and ask box are always open!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Definitely "All Things End."

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably "In Due Time," a fic I wrote for Nessian week 2023. Saying why gives away spoilers.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? YUP. All sorts. I love writing all kinds of smut, but it has to have a point. My favorite kinds of smut to write are the kinds that make you really evaluate yourself, or that push boundaries in some way. I especially love smut with really deep, immersive plot. You can see this in my "To Become A Vanserra" series.

9. Do you write crossovers? I wrote a "The Song of Achilles" crossover with Hades & Persephone from Greek mythology; does that count? It's titled "A Place Eternal."

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I used to roleplay with a friend from school, and I did ongoing worlds roleplays for a bit years ago, but that's the closest I've come to co-writing anything.

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? I'm not picking just one: Nessian, Nessriel, Azris, and Spirk.

13. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Lovers Live & Die Fortissimo. It's such a long fic, and there's so much to it; I'm not sure I could do the religious aspects of it justice. I really want to write it, but there are other brain worms that are calling to me first. Also shout out to my Nagron fic "That Days We thought We'd Never See," which got dropped like a hot potato when college hit the fan and I'd need to rewatch the whole show and possibly rewrite the whole thing if I were to ever attempt to finish it.

14. What are your writing strengths? I feel like I can write the dichotomy of beauty and pain really well. There's such a balance between the two, and being able to capture the small beautiful or peaceful pieces of something horrific is something I pride myself on.

15. What are your writing weaknesses?  Definitely the technical side of writing. There are some things that I feel like I don't understand yet grammar wise that I'm still trying to get a grasp on. This is a constant learning process, but I try and get better each time I post! I also sometimes struggle with follow through, but I chalk that up to life being hectic and this being a passion not a job.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's such an amazing idea, and I would love to do it if I ever had a language I felt I knew well enough I could properly engage with it. I never want to write something that is inaccurate out of respect, so I haven't written in another language yet. I also have never had a fic call for it yet. Maybe LL&DF would call for it thought, possibly some Yiddish or Arabic.

17. First fandom you wrote for? Spartacus, the Starz TV series.

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? Again, I refuse to pick just one. I love "All Things End" for everything it represents: the bittersweet nature of life and death, the relationships, the exploration of how music can influence reading fic and vice versa.

I love "Finding His Shadow: An Azris Peter Pan AU" because it was the first AU's I wrote, and it digs so deep into both source materials. I was giddy finding ways to merge the two worlds together.

And I love "Take These Broken Wings" because it combines fanfic with social impact and social awareness, using a world we know and love to explore important topics that exist both within canon and our society.

Tagging no one and everyone! If you'd like to play, join in and tag me! No pressure at all.

[hannah-schooler]

🦴🔪 for the ask game <3

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

SO MANY. For my fanfics there is obviously the source material: Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Pacific Rim, etc. I feel like basically every book and story I’ve ever read influences my writing in some way. Every story I’ve ever heard is a part of the things I create. Some of my favorites though are the Greek Tragedies (Grief Lessons by Anne Carson is a fav), Orpheus and Eurydice. Some of my fav books recently have been The Invisible Life of Addie Larue, Fourth Wing, The Atlas Six. I think I’m influenced on anything from the vibes to the writing style. and it’s so fun honestly to see what things make it in and shine through. Any music by Taylor Swift is a huge influence for me lol. I’ve made a game in my original novel for my beta readers to see if they can pick out all the TS references. Anastasia is also a huge influence on that one. And honestly, the things my friends and mutuals are writing are a big inspiration too. We’re not competing with each other, but I do feel like in a lot of ways we’re always pushing each other to be better writers 🥰

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

oh god, so many things. The grossest is probably the decomposition process of the human body. I’m reading Stiff by Mary Roach right now to that end. It’s interesting but I don’t recommend eating beforehand.

The most random…hmm… there’s been so many little things. Probably trying to find blueprints for the Tolbooth in 17th century Scotland. That or the names of all the different closes on high street. there are some random ones

@dashedwithromance i want YOU to answer this question cause I want your whole dissertation on space law 😂