#problems of being polish
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I want to read Duty and Inclination SMMMMMMM
But it's expensive bc I'm polish 😭😭😭😭😭
(and also my mother would probably realize that I'm part of the LGBT and that could not end well)
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very occasionally i miss when i was a nightclub baron on habbo hotel at age 13 catfishing people pretending to be a 19 yr old bisexual irish guy. if only because i think it's really funny that i grew up to be a bisexual irish guy
#its funny in hindsight that my uh. favourite ocs for lack of a better word really were just me being like#what if i had all the same problems but i was a 6'4 bisexual man#← i come from a family where the avg height for men is like 6'3 this was a reasonable dream to have#but alas as i always say i got my mothers mothers mothers short n fat polish peasant genes
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my resolution for this year was to learn hiragana and katakana (not even japanese as a whole. just. some characters.) and i figured i'd learn how to write my name bc it'd be embarrassing if i didn't know how to do that and is it just me or does it look kinda cute. like, レービ <- that's like U_U* or -_-* to me
#ive acquired a 2nd hand textbook so i think i'll also actually learn the language a bit in a slow manner bc that will obvs support#learning the characters#u might be wondering why my plans are the characters only#it's bc i want to keep my goals small so if something happens or i get busy i can still manage it and i won't be disappointed#also by telling myself i'm only learning the characters i have zero pressure to learn anything so i will learn things out of pure curiosity#which means i'll have fun and actually learn things instead of stressing#kinda regretting it's the writing system that turned me off from learning it like a decade ago#bc if it weren't for that- i'd now be able to play ooe 😔#also i do still want to learn polish but i need a break to also give myself 0 expectations so i won't burn myself out learning languages#i think 4 languages is a good amount. i can forget swedish and spanish it's fine#im finnish so obvs i know finnish. english and swedish were mandatory to learn in school. and i also took spanish. taking a 4th language#is super common so idk i feel a bit inadequate speaking only 2 languages well#but i think my goal of speaking 2 well and then 2 a bit less well is doable. and i'm not talking about this being a goal of idk a year#or two but something i will very slowly work towards so it stays fun and me being curious is what will lead this instead of pressure#if that makes sense#ahh anyways this is soo besides the point#my focus is on reading & listening#though jpn and fin have Really similar sounds so listening will not b a problem#leevi talks
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Multi-stage operation! Once you clear one organ, it's on to the next! Also, a multi-stage tumor; laser it first, then you can extract it.
I also accidentally showed off a bit of the scalpel tool; the tool itself is complete, now I just need to make something that reacts to it.
#original#trauma center#trauma center recreation#also i changed my username already lol#delphiresearchteam -> giddydelphiresearcher#the “team” part definitely didn't fit and it was lacking the attitude i wanted to go for. i like this better#anyway i spent WAY too long trying to polish the scalpel#both the sound effect and the trail#the sound effect i'm pretty satisfied with! not perfect but close enough#it's the original scalpel sound effect but i couldn't quite get it to loop properly the way it does in-game#the trail is still messy. specifically when it's curving#i tried a thing to make it less messy but it actually made it more messy#and then i tried to fix THAT and failed so i put it back the way it was#wasted 2 hours on that. i probably could've actually made a Thing for the scalpel to interact with in that time lol#so yeah that's next on the list for tomorrow#after that i'll try making the gel#the gel works by spawning a bunch of puddles that individually interact with Things#that WOULD be intimidating but spawning a bunch of Things is how i made the scalpel trail#also i just realized: i think if you move the cursor too fast with the scalpel it'll actually skip over objects#same with the laser but that's less of a problem#imagine doing your opening incision in a perfect swift stroke and then being told you missed a spot. absolute bullshit#i'll figure it out tomorrow#surely it's easy to check if a line intersects a collision area right?
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im glad my new years resolution this year is To Get Weirder because suddenly every time im like “ugh but thats so sudden, what if this stranger thinks im wierd 8^(“ i remember my resolution and suddenly i transform into a quirky neurotypical
#JOKING#i have internal problems with feeling like im either too overbearing or closed off with no in between#and since i was a teen ive always been very online-shy lol#sometimes you gotta be less scared of being wierd to actually balance out and be Normal or even Cool#The doctor is in#ive also gotten really good at small talk because of this#i had a whole ten minute convo about nail polish with a young single mom at the store the other day getting nail polish for her daughter#it was very cute#Not plague
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Everytime I think I’m free from the Bi Sapphics vs Lesbian bullshit on TikTok….It fucking finds me. Like someone says “Biphobia is a problem and we need to address it” and now it’s biphobes and lesbophobes congregating in the comments and throwing snowballs behind igloos.
#everytime I get sad that tiktok is being banned they show me queer discourse to change my mind#like tf#why are all like this#biphobia#lesbophobia#literally I would rather have my fav nail polish get discontinued than to see yall act like this again#like it’s comical how much we circle back to the same topics#lesbian#bi sapphic#femme lesbian#like without fail#sapphicism#sapphic problems
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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I just realized how much nail polish I've accidentally eaten in my life and I think I'm probably going to die young
#the problem with wearing nail polish all the time and being uncoordinated and having a skin picking obsession#is that if you get nail polish on your skin you can't just wait for it to flake off naturally#and the easiest way to get it off is to scrape it with your teeth
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you know, playing assassin’s creed origins, i just sort of assumed “okay, i don’t like this game very much, but from what i know about assassin’s creed from cultural osmosis, it also doesn’t seem very much like what those games are? so i’d probably like the other ones.” but now i’m trying to get into assassin’s creed 2, the “best” game of the series, and im realizing no i think i just don’t like assassin’s creed
#why is it so. gestures at all of it.#like to be clear origins WAS different from this like vastly different.#and some of that was clearly just origins being newer and more polished especially with the free run mechanic oh my GOD i miss how smooth#the origins free run felt. im spoiled now and ac2 just feels Bad to play. or. not bad. clunky in a way that’s aged. not even aged badly just#clearly older and less sure of what it was doing.#but anyway back to the point. origins *was* different. in ways that weren’t just polishing.#but now that im playing ac2 what im seeing is that those differences weren’t so much like. actual new gameplay. as they were shifting focus#on elements already there.#im saying the same bland problems i had with origins are still in the ‘best’ assassin’s creed game it’s just now it’s older and plays worse#i needed to be born earlier so i could appreciate it maybe.
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My hyperfixation is getting so bad that I'm thinking about translating an ENTIRE BOOK to English. (And it's a school set book that did this to me too. wtf-) Like wdym there's no way to read Kamienie na szaniec (Stones for the rampart) in English bc the only time it was published in this language was back in 1945? 😭
#Kamienie na szaniec#Stones for the rampart#lektury szkolne#problems of being polish#i dont fucking know#i need a moment#please#me core#Jan Bytnar#Tadeusz Zawadzki#Aleksy Dawidowski#Rudy#Zośka#Alek#Also#Rośka#100% canon
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Using English not as a native but just someone who spends a lot of time in English-speaking circles both at work and among friends is wild, because I can feel what things mean and I think mainly in English but I could not translate some of those sentences to Polish even if my life depended on it
#i'm simply stuck in limbo with being a Pole but using English so much i'm no longer Polish#txt#and at the same time i still have problems with basic English grammar and more sophisticated language#and it never progresses past what I learned in my 20s lmao#i'm in spain without the s
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love when people in my life think of me whenever they need language interpreting/translating and are like “hey do you speak [x] language?” and 90% of the time I do not know that particular language but I’m still very flattered they considered me
#it’s never French because there’s like 0 French speakers here that don’t also speak English#I think it’s genuinely the most useless language I know but they didn’t have German in high school and I thought Spanish was boring so#French it was#Spanish would definitely have been the more lucrative option lmao#maybe I’ll finally take me a proper class one day to get my skills polished#bc I know a good bit but just don’t have practice listening and speaking#read a whole book? no problem#try to have an in person conversation with a native? I’m only embarrassing myself#also I guess Hungarian would be more useless than French#but we have a pretty good Hungarian pop here so there’s honestly still a better chance that will be needed before French#going to Quebec being my only opportunity to use it and then everyone hears I’m not native and just speaks in English anyway 💀#like I didn’t study this language for 10+ years not to use it on the rare opportunities#kitchie beszél
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a lot of comic art styles are so genuinely, distinctly ugly in a way that i desperately wish to capture
#danbles#idk if it’s as obvious to everyone else but one of my biggest art insecurities is being too polished#especially in character portrayals#i don’t think same face syndrome is generally rly an issue for me#but i do think i make everything too cute/pretty even when i don’t intend to#it’s rly just a reflection of my own values tbh i love fluff too much#the problem is that i use art to process my thoughts and man. i srsly look at everything thru rose-tinted glasses#i lack grit#and the disillusionment has never been more apparent than when i reference comic panels for comparison 😭#wake up call fr#not… sure how to improve this tho#maybe i’ll try redrawing directly from some panels
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“Why won’t you tell me what happened?” // From Gaya to Aeri
@geaesaekki / more random dialogue prompts.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU READ THE PAPERS." For a moment, a pang of guilt sinks into her chest- she shouldn’t have said that. Unlike the rest of their family, Gaya is actually tolerable to be around. Fun, one might even say even if there are times where Gaya is unreadable. But don’t all family members have their flaws? The Kang family, Aeri knows for a fact, is no exception, how violence seems to slip from one generation to the next like their very blood.
Aeri huffs, refusing to budge, however, from the pearl white couch in the room. It’s the one thing that has been spared from her…frustrations. The rest of her childhood was not granted the same mercy. The blankets and throw pillows from her bed are spilled across the marble (white still, of course it’s all white) floor, joining the paper, sketchbooks, and books that once were stacked on the vast desk. The door, somehow, despite the dent on the floor, manages to stay shut too. She looks up at the ceiling- the chandelier is still swinging slightly from her previous frustrations. Aeri groans.
God, she forgot how claustrophobic her room in the Kang mansion actually is. Not even the view of the skyline can alleviate it. It’s no wonder she jumped at the chance to move in with Deva when the opportunity presented itself.
“Unnie, if you’re here to scold me, don’t worry. My lovely parents already beat you to it. The golden goose is probably on his way to do the same.” And without asking for her side of the story. And asking why she can’t be more like oh-so-perfect Seraphina. As fucking usual. “But if you have to know, I don’t regret it. He fucking had it coming– I don’t care if he’s renowned in Paris, he’s an ass and someone had to put him in his place.”
#geaesaekki#geaesaekki ( gaya. )#( verse: a string of pearls. )#polish your rage like a diamond ( aeri. )#answered ( aeri. )#annnnnd here is aeri w/ her favorite cousin :D#lmao i'm just thinking of say....#aeri does something dramatic again and it gets talked about in the papers....#and now parents ( + bel ) are giving her shit for it#not me...thinking about the thought of say#gaya being one of the few people who actually listned to aeri when she was younger esp#bc she was considered a problem child </3#ahhhh so the outsider & problem child vs the 'golden children'#oh i would live to see that show down :DDDD#( even if it would be painful </3 )#( answered. )#BUT THANK YOU FOR THIS ONE AS WELL LYNNIE <3
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how did you get food at/get into painting your nails in a creative and/or elaborate way? i feel like i’m always so frustrated just trying to keep simple nails looking nice
well pretty much you just have to keep doing it. like it’s so annoying to say and hear but unfortunately the only way to get better at something is to just continue to do it frequently and over and over again 😐. i was never too committed to painting my nails at all until like. late high school when i realized i didn’t bite my nails so much when they were painted nice, and then i started doing them every week consistently because well. honestly the story is that i sort of lied to this girl i knew, when she complimented my nails (they were literally just solid blue with a darker accent nail) and i told her i did them every week (i did NOT) and she was so impressed i just. started doing them every week to not be a liar, and i also got into watching simplynailogical on youtube at that time which made me want to do nail art. but i never really did anything too crazy until the pandemic had me inside all the time and i stopped having to worry about people seeing my shitty nail art. um and then i just got better i guess. in hindsight it’s literally so stupid to be anxious about what strangers will think about your nails tho, like first of all they aren’t looking, secondly you don’t know them so who cares what they think if they are looking!!
also. good nail polish remover and a clean up brush can go a long way… i’m literally always getting nail polish on my skin and just dipping a brush in remover and wiping it away is so… life changing…
#basically you do just have to keep doing it#especially since your nails literally adapt to be able to hold nail polish longer when you repeatedly paint them#whenever i paint my sister’s nails for holidays (she never wears it otherwise) they just chip and peel off within like. a day#but mine always stays on really reliably just because my nails are more porous and used to it#and then if chipping is your problem you just need a good top coat#which some people want you to think needs to be expensive to be good but that’s a lie#i fucking SWEAR BY the LA colors color last top coat that you can buy for 2 dollars at walmart#that shit is my holy grail fr. it gets bubbly and thick after a while of using it but so does every good top coat#and by then you’ll be halfway through the bottle and can just go buy another one for 2 dollars… frankly you could steal it. it’s walmart#however it is a really thick top coat and if your nails aren’t used to being painted it will just peel off in a day like my sister’s#anyway. literally i recommend just becoming very obsessed with a nail art youtuber. ik it’s 2023 and yt is a dying medium but it’s reliable#no tiktoker is going to inspire passion for the most high effort low reward hobby on earth…#asks#anonymous
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re: lore tabs. writing a mock one (or set of ones really) about sjur coming back that's gonna be set up like its the 5 pieces of an armor set. so expect that in oh. one to 52 business weeks.
#PROBLEM with thinking of them like lore tabs is it raises the bar for how polished i want them to be.#when i start spiraling about writing quality when editing though ill just go read some that AREN'T written by seth. and then ill be fine.#bc many of them are deeply mediocre. and my writing is at least that good.#my posts#its her waking up on cocytus / being picked up by corsairs / audience with mara / petra being jealous and squirrelly / maybe uldren? unsure.
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