#problematic personal anecdotes

[artbyblastweave]

Funniest thing I've seen recently, and not funny in a ha-ha way, more funny in a "the endless entropic void gnawing at my will to live" way, was somebody asking around for alternatives to Neil Gaiman, in the light of Neil Gaiman's ongoing fall from grace. As though what we're currently sitting through isn't the collapse of the carefully curated "Good Guy Neil" image that caused people to parade Gaiman as the same kind of preferred progressive alternative to, say, Rowling. As though we won't be in the same goddamn situation in a few years or months, with some number of the new progressive sci-fi/fantasy darlings- not all of them, to be clear, but at least some of them- when their impeccably-curated marketing implodes in on itself and they're revealed to be the same kind of sex pest or abuser. Can you not see the wheel to which you are strapped. The game of human pinball you are condemning yourself to with this mindset. Maybe you do see, and you're just resigned to taking it one soul-crushing disappointment at a time, one "I never would have guessed" after another. I mean I think we all need to get resigned to that one way or another, sun's gonna go out before it stops happening

[supedewoop]

Race is definitely an issue here. The white people (I’m white) are absolutely reacting to this stronger and responded more forcefully to Lizzo’s body positive message as being new and so revolutionary and it’s absolutely not, though it is still a good, important message.

This is also a weird and problematic thing to say but I haven’t figured out a better way to phrase and I think it’s relevant, the black community has always been way more body positive, especially with celebrities and it’s white culture that squashes and demonizes it for the most part.

While it is anecdotal, （and here comes the very problematic part) I was raised in a Detroit suburb and while it is a heavily segregated area, (at one time, maybe still, the most in the US) and my area was very white, I still had a lot of exposure to what I now recognize as black culture. As an adult, I’ve realized, it helped me learn to love my fat body, even though it was white, long before Lizzo. I felt like I could be beautiful through seeing Aretha Franklin and other black National and local celebrities on local news more often and with recognition of their achievements and beauty, as well as beautiful black women with “larger bodies” that didn’t dress in lose floral blouses and embraced that bodies, in public spaces. When I did start to become more aware of the prejudices and dynamics in the world around me, I saw my own problems first. So, I saw them as being “like me” as being fat and still beautiful and sexual in a positive way, (and of course there are also issues with black bodies being over sexualized, that I wasn’t yet open enough to see) and ran with that. I didn’t even entirely realize it when I did start to feel comfortable and positive in my size even in high school.

I didn’t realize that it actually came from black role models and black culture until men actually began to take notice of me in public spaces. I was a late bloomer and also turned out asexual, but that objectivity and greater wisdom of the world helped me realize the differences. Black men most often would appreciate my whole form, saying something like “damn girl, you fine” while white men would focus on a specific attribute (breasts) or focus on the size some how, either, “you’re cute even if you’re fat” or “I like fat girls.” Realizing this difference helped me see realize all the other things.

Is all black culture like super body positive? Of course not, but it isn’t the same as white culture even if white culture is much more dominant. I felt like Lizzo brought that energy and important piece of black culture into the wider world, and made it a more accessible message to white people, and I appreciate her for that, but I think it’s not fair now to take race out of that message and where it might come from.

And also, to not pretend like this downfall, even if “deserved” (and again, believe victims!) won’t be worse for her than it would be for a white celebrity. It’s also not great to not acknowledge the coverage is so gleeful because she’s fat AND black.

Also, like.... it’s okay to genuinely admire & look up to celebrities.

People who go around acting morally superior like “oh I’ve NEVER looked up to a celebrity IN MY LIFE!” whenever shit like this happens are DICKS. Like the absolute WORST kind of dicks.

Stop sucking yourself off just because the latest celebrity to get cancelled just happens to be a celebrity you weren’t a fan of. You have role models, too.

[byuno-o]

RANDOM ASTRO OBSERVATIONS I'VE OBSERVED.

NOTE: THESE ARE BASED ON PERSONAL ANECDOTES; HENCE, MIGHT NOT BE APPLICABLE FOR EVERYONE

Pisces and Sagittarius people are not always lucky as they say. They go through the most problematic, heart-shattering events which test their ability to remain optimistic. It's like Jupiter makes them go through tough times before bestowing them with good luck.

However, for Sag and pisces rising, things are different. Jupiter might actually bestow them with good luck for a long period of time, only for them to go through tough times later. (Seen it with my own eyes.)

Capricorn sun and moon people are as social as Gemini and Libra can be. It's like they actively look for company so they don't end up with their thoughts alone.

Aries men--the unevolved ones, are overbearing to a fault. Sometimes when they try to help, they actually come off as assholes and just plain rude.

Leo moons are actually pretty shy and introverted. It's only after a few meetings do they get comfortable.

While I've read that Aquarius people are aloof and detached, that might not always be the case. I have seven friends with Aquarius sun, moon, mercury, rising and venus, and they are the most clingy people I've ever met. Some even ended up sabotaging their relationships and friendships because of their clinginess.

However, being the sister sign of Leo, they have to go through this phase in order to see the bigger picture and see humanity as a whole and not just one person. It's only after losing people do they realise their purpose, which is standing out and set trends.

I think the intuition and spiritual senses of fire signs are often overlooked. They are often guided by their intuitions, especially Leo.

I might be biased on this but, I have always share the same kind of humour with people with the same sun sign as me which is sag. Tell me if you relate. :)

Do not underestimate gemini when it comes to holding grudges. They remember everything and will hurt you where it hurts the most.

While, I'm at it, I think cancer's sharp tongue does not get much appreciation. The ones I've met either hit you with the hurtful words right onto your face with a smile, or they say hurtful things behind your back. The influence they can have on people is something I really admire.

Scorpio moons are more mature than scorpio suns. Idk, I just never met a mature scorpio sun but I have two friends with scorpio moon who are wise beyond their years.

Libra women, for some reason, lack confidence when it comes to their creativity, and face problems putting their art out. it's just something I've noticed since some women I know (who are libras) never tell their ideas to anyone out loud.

Nonetheless, their allure can only be rivalled by a Taurus or a Leo.

That is it for today. do let me know what you think about my observations. Let's have a discussion.

[novlr]

How would i politely describe body types without being vague?

Characters are as diverse as the writers who write about them, but when it comes to describing them, it can be very easy to default to what we know or to succumb to clichés or stereotypes. This can be especially challenging when describing characters’ bodies. When you need to describe body types, it’s really important to strike a balance between being specific and respectful while avoiding harmful stereotypes or vague descriptions.

Why description matters

Description is essential to really bring a reader into a scene and connect with the characters you’re writing about. Physical descriptions help readers visualise characters, which, in turn, can influence story dynamics. Body descriptions can reveal a lot about a character and even affect the way that other characters interact with them. Like people in real life, the way we look influences both who we are and how we interact with the world. 

As a personal example, I am quite short, but I have very long limbs. This gives me the illusion of being tall. Consequently, I am often asked by people taller than me to help them get things down from high shelves because they perceive me as taller than I am. This is a common interaction in my life that has changed the way I dress and carry myself. You probably have similar anecdotes in your own life, which is why building those descriptions into your characters can be such a great way to really make them feel real. How a character looks is not all they are, but it does help create a well-rounded sense of character if we get a feel for how they interact with the world around them.

General guidelines to describe body types

Thoughtful representation matters in modern writing. Descriptions should exist to make your characters feel like people and not like stereotypes. To achieve this, you must:

Focus on relevant details that serve the story — don’t just describe a person’s body because you feel you need to. Everything, even character description should exist to serve the story.

Avoid loaded terms or judgmental language.

Use specific, relevant details rather than general statements for the sake of it. 

Consider the character’s own perspective of their body instead of only through the eyes of other characters.

Include dynamic descriptions that show how the character moves and interacts with their environment to give a sense of who they are instead of info-dumping a description.

Common pitfalls to avoid

Don’t make a character’s body type a central part of your narrative if it isn’t plot-relevant.

Don’t rely on stereotypes or clichés.

Avoid using food-related metaphors, as they’re often problematic.

Don’t make assumptions about health or lifestyle based on appearance. Only include this information if it is relvant to the story you’re telling and you’ve researched and fact-checked to ensure its accuracy.

Don’t over-focus on your character’s body as a defining character trait.

Don’t use derogatory or outdated terminology.

Don’t over-describe body type to avoid saying what you mean. Fat and skinny aren’t dirty words. Short and tall don’t have an implicit bias. You can be direct. In fact, it’s often better to be direct in your description than to labour over someone’s body in minute detail.

Effective techniques to incorporate body types in the narrative

Describe clothing and style choices.

Show how the character navigates their environment and how their personality shines through movement.

Consider cultural and historical context.

Include relevant occupational influences on physique or vice versa.

Reference genetic or familial physical traits when relevant.

Include distinctive characteristics or style choices that aren’t related to their body type.

Note how the character’s appearance changes in different situations (i.e., dressed up or casual, at home or at work).

Focus on functional strength and capability outside of their body type.

Consider historical context if writing historical fiction and be aware of changing beauty standards.

Avoid cultural stereotypes and generalisations.

Don’t make a character’s body the centre of their story if it’s not relevant to the plot.

Use precise, specific language – don’t beat around the bush. Say what you mean.

Choose words that match the tone of your story.

Describing body types doesn’t have to be a minefield. Writing a character respectfully doesn’t require any more technical knowledge than simply writing them like a real person. While description is important for reader immersion, it’s also not something you need to focus on in too much detail if it’s not relevant to the plot. 

Describe body types in a way that serves your story. Every character’s physical description should contribute to their overall characterisation and your story’s themes, and never distract from it. Physical description is just one aspect of character development, so the most respectful way to describe a character’s body type is to make it a natural part of who they are and not the focus. 

[olderthannetfic]

Y'know what, I feel like sharing this anecdote here too, because I find it so fucking silly. I made a server for all my fellow Hispanic anti-censorship people in fandom and it's, well, alive. We're a few but it's better that way.

Yesterday, someone joined the server, made their presentation, putting first and foremost that she was a lolicon and enjoyed age gap ships and all the problematic shit. Then said hello in the general chat. Ten to fifteen minutes passed and then she, in the general chat again, said "I saw someone shipping a literal adult and a child, bye" and left the server. We were all like "???????????". I checked the RPF channel. Nothing, only fucking soccer players (so you know, they're not *children*). So the only thing that made this person, this self proclaimed lolicon and age gap enjoyer, left the server was a The Walking Dead ship between the characters Carl and Negan.

This is now part of the server lore and we have been making memes non-stop.

--

Oh my god.

[starastrologyy]

Composite Chart Notes 🪐

Hi everyone, please do not copy or repost anything I write on other social media platforms :) I recently became aware of a Pinterest page reposting all my posts from TikTok/tumblr! I don’t have a Pinterest for my astrology blog :)

A composite Aries Rising, can often indicate a very active couple. They may enjoy partaking in various sports or various forms of physical activities together. However, they can appear to be a very argumentative couple, this is especially true of mars, mercury, or pluto squares the composite ascendant. Their conflicts can often be made public.

This is interesting because in terms of long-distance couples, I often see Uranus conjunct the descendent or Uranus in the 3rd house in their composite charts. A composite Sag or Aqua rising is also common in the charts of couples who are long distance.

The North Node in the composite 5th house can indicate a couple who have children together.

Another indication of a “hidden” or private relationship, is if the composite chart ruler is in the 12th house.

This is more of a personal anecdote, but I once had a man slide in my DMs on Instagram. We had mutual followers but I didn’t personally know him. Long story short, he just began offering to buy me things/send me money with nothing in return. Obviously I found that kind of suspicious as there’s usually a catch! He didn’t even push meeting me in person! We just kinda spoke online for a bit. I got his birth details and ran a synastry chart between us. We had no 2nd or 8th house overlays. However, his Jupiter did aspect my Sun (which explains why he was so generous towards me). I then took a look into our composite chart, and our composite Sun & Moon are both in the composite 2nd house! Additionally , the ruler of our composite ascendant is in the 8th. Which explains why our relationship is literally based on him sharing his resources with me, giving me money, and buying me things. Obviously not all relationships with this kind of configuration will play out like this, I just thought this was so interesting.

There can be elements of sexual idealizations in relationships where there are hard Mars-Neptune aspects in the composite chart. One or both people may feel as if they have met their “dream” sexual partner if the orb is particularly tight. However, once the illusion or initial “high” fades. This aspect can prove to be problematic in many ways. There can be deceptions and disappointments that start to manifest. Mars square Neptune is common to see in the charts of *affairs* or short lived sexual relationships. However, please remember the entire chart needs to be taken into consideration.

Couples who travel a lot together usually have significant 3rd and 9th house placements in the composite. Jupiter in the composite 9th, 3rd, or conjunct the composite Mercury can also indicate a couple that travels frequently.

A couple with Jupiter or Venus in the composite 7th house, can make very good business partners. Couples who have the ruler of their composite midheaven, in the 7th house, may also decide to go into business together.

My readings are still open for those interested ! The link is in my bio :)

[innocuousghost]

Since the article about Neil Gaiman I've seen a lot of people reassessing their relationship with Terry Pratchett. Which to a certain extent does make sense: they were co-authors and as a part of his cult of personality Neil Gaiman frequently presented himself as The Guy Who Knew Terry Pratchett. So in the public consciousness their legacies seem very intertwined.

So I can understand the pivot to asking about Terry Pratchett.

But a lot of what I've seen strikes me as being paranoid and conspiratorial in a way that I do not think is healthy or particularly useful. ("Did he know? Did he not know? Was Neil Gaiman overstating their friendship? Why did Terry Pratchett really have his hard drive destroyed?")

Now, I never met Terry Pratchett. But for my money? It seems pretty likely that he didn't know what was going on. The article itself states that most of Neil Gaiman's living friends didn't know what was going on: "But in my conversations with Gaiman’s old friends, collaborators, and peers, nearly all of them told me that they never imagined that Gaiman’s affairs could have been anything but enthusiastically consensual." And throughout most of the timeline of assaults the article covers Terry Pratchett was largely either in the late stages of dimentia on another continent or dead.

Though obviously we can't say for sure he didn't know something. (Even if he genuinely didn't know it's not like he would have turned to Rihanna Pratchett and said "Just in case anybody ever asks I want it on the record that to my knowledge Neil Gaiman is not and never has been a serial rapist.")

But ultimately. That's not actually the core issue that's keeping people awake at night I don't think. I think it's "How do I continue being fans of creatives knowing that some of them are secretly capable of legitimate evil without me ever being made aware of it?"

There is a pretty loud and unpleasant contingent on the internet whose solution to that problem seems to be "You can't. The only way to eschew blind celebrity worship is to live your life every second assuming in the back of your mind that every creative living or dead could be revealed to be a serial rapist at any moment. Just in case it turns out they actually are." Which. Doesn't strike me as particularly helpful. Or even feasible. And that is certainly not a lens I would recommend universally applying to strangers. Not even famous ones.

Instead I think it's probably helpful to look at famous strangers the way you would look at strangers in your own life - like the barista at your coffee shop: that they are probably flawed but also presumably decent. And much like with a barista, in your limited interactions (largely exchanges of product for money, with perhaps a smattering of surface level small talk. Much like with celebrities) you probably won't have much opportunity to discover if they're secretly a bad person. So if it turns out they are, it really isn't your fault that you didn't notice.

And based on what I saw in his books and interviews and his memoir by Rob Wilkins - though he was presumably decent I also certainly think Terry Pratchett was flawed. He was occasionally rude (based on anecdotes from people who knew him), some of the jokes in his books about the counterweight content strike me as being in poor taste and despite his flashes of acab I'd say the perspective of the city watch books was actually largely police reformist rather than abolitionist.

Yet I continue like his work (and what small slice I know about him as a person) anyways.

And understanding creatives as being flawed doesn't even mean "there's something unequivocally problematic out there! Hiding! In their work! In their interviews! And if you employ enough of a bad faith reading then you'll be able to find it!" No. (I mean, there might be some genuinely ethically dubious stuff in there but there also might not.) In my experience even just seeing the little flaws, like flaws in their craft are enough to knock creatives off of the perfect pedestal in your mind. Like, stuff you don't even have to be super knowledgeable about the craft in question to notice. "Eh that scene really dragged. That joke didn't really land. Anyways" And I certainly think Terry Pratchett had his craft issues. Just look at the first two Discworlds and some of the middle rincewind books for proof of that. And it can even be smaller than that. Tiny personality flaws that annoy you: Terry Pratchett was very snobby about Doctor Who in a way that strikes me as overly pedantic enough to be worthy of an eyeroll.

We should see the creatives who you admire, who make work you love as earthly and human. Not as untouchable gods who can do no wrong. (Clearly that isn't working out for us for a variety of reasons)

And setting aside the total monsters, I think it's a good thing that the stuff you like was made by people who are flawed. Humans are flawed, the people in your fandom are flawed, your friends are flawed, and you're flawed. But look at all the cool stuff you all make anyways.

[stanford-f-pines-618]

Greetings!

I am esteemed researcher and “oddoligist” Stanford F. Pines. My niece and nephew, alongside an older friend of theirs, have suggested I create a “blog” on this site. So here I am!

Please forgive me if I make any mistakes or misunderstand the functions of “Tumblr”. I’m still getting used to cellphones as a whole and this rather small screen is difficult to navigate.

Upon further inquiry, my niece explained to me the concept of a “DNI” or “Do Not Interact” list. I will now be creating my own.

Do Not Interact if: You are within the good intentions of 46’\ Bill Cipher, You engage in the creation or spreading of content that puts me or my family into compromising situations, or You engage with or create “shipping” content of me or my family in problematic manners.

I have also been informed of personal “tags” used to identify and label content. Here are my own.

#My research – Implied in title; any online documentation of my research within or outside of published work.

#Personal anecdotes – Occasionally I may share the happenings around me or a particular thought from my past as I’ve heard users of this site tend to do.

#My musings – Similar to anecdotes, however these are loose unconnected thoughts. Hardly tell a story.

#So! Many! Questions! – Any of my responses to the “ask” feature.

These are all I have in mind at the moment, but I will be updating this list as they are created.

Thus is my introduction! Feel free to ask any/all questions you may have about me or my research. Knowledge is power, after all!

Sincerely, Stanford F. Pines.

[geekthefreakout]

The Joy Leaving the Work

This post will be discussing the works of Neil Gaiman and my personal relationship with them. If you don't like that or cannot handle that, kindly don't read. Also, there will be allusions to SA in the discussions.

So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to pick up Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman-- a book I've owned for a couple of years that's been in my "to read pile" waiting its turn. In the light of the allegations against Gaiman, I put off reading it a couple of months more as I tried to process how I felt. Now I've read it.

Background: Neil Gaiman has been my favorite author bar none ever since I read Coraline in 5th Grade. He and Sir Terry Pratchett share a bookshelf of honor in my room- the one right behind my bed, so I can easily reach for a comfort read. I've always loved his twists on various stories-- The Graveyard Book and Neverwhere being two of my favorites. The dark-but-not-too-dark tone, the dry humor, the magical realism, all of it. Anansi Boys looked like it would have all of that.

And it did! In a vacuum, this would have been a very enjoyable read. But with the allegations, I noticed things that I wouldn't have before. For example (spoilers, I guess):

Mr. Nancy (the titular Anansi) is a funny old man, and often a bit lecherous. In his final moments, he's doing karaoke with some young, buxom blondes when he has a heart attack and falls off the stage, hand outstretched. As he goes down, he sticks his hand out, grabbing one girl's tube top and exposing her as he dies.

This anecdote in the book is presented as something that embarrasses his son (our protag) but is generally interpreted by the other characters as something that was just so funny and charming.

It made me uncomfortable. In fact, just about every time Mr. Nancy alluded to his Master Roshi-like interest in buxom young women, I felt uncomfortable. But wait, there's more:

Spider (secret twin brother of protag Fat Charlie) is interested in Fat Charlie's fiancee. He tricks her into thinking that he IS Fat Charlie, and this girl who had been saving her virginity til marriage is so taken by him that they have sex. Meaning not only did he entice the girl to sex under false circumstances (this is rape), but it's also unclear as to how much of her going along with him is really HER and how much is his... mojo, I suppose. To the story's credit, once she realizes what has happened she gets angry and breaks up with both of them, no longer wanting anything to do with them... until, of course, happenstance brings them together again and she admits that she had real feelings for Spider, who finds himself wanting to behave better for her.

That doesn't sit right with me in the best of circumstances. These are not the best of circumstances.

I finished the book and it took me this long- two weeks and change- to decide how I feel about it. And how I feel about it is this-- I cannot separate it from the author. I cannot enjoy this book because the slime from Gaiman's actions oozes all over it. And that sucks.

I'm almost afraid to reread my favorites from him, for fear that my happy memories of those books will be ruined too. That SUCKS.

And it makes me feel dumb for never having seen the misogyny in the books before. It's like when Rowling showed herself to be what she was and I couldn't enjoy Harry Potter anymore, but worse because Gaiman is an author that I was still actively reading, who had been vocally supportive of queer and trans people, who I'd still looked up to. When it all went down with Rowling, I realized that I'd been excusing a lot of problematic shit in her writing as ignorance, rather than malice. But it WAS malice. And now I'm wondering if I didn't make the same mistake with Gaiman. That sucks too.

Anyway. That's my rant. Thanks for listening. Please share if you're having issues like this too, it's good to not feel alone.

[coveredinbees]

Am I the only one that is getting irritated by the low-key misogyny that underlines the way we talk about the cast of Wicked? And yes, specifically I am talking about Cynthia and Ariana.

We, as a people, are obsessed with pitting women against each other. We can't have two women working on a film together without trying to turn them into bitchy, Joan Crawford and Bette Davies-esque stereotypes. It's honestly so misogynistic, and you'd never see people on social media talking about Paul Mescal or Pedro Pascal the way they talk about Cynthia and Ariana. It's infuriating.

Cut (for rant)...

Think about someone you work with. Any random person, it really doesn't matter. Maybe it's Diane in Accounting or Charlotte in Marketing. You see them every day, you have meetings together and occasionally work on the same projects. You share anecdotes in the breakroom whilst you're waiting for the kettle to boil, and maybe you even know the name of their dog/child/boyfriend.

Now imagine that everyone on Twitter* expects you to be best friends with that person. You have to be genuinely excited to see them everyday, have lunch with them, tag them in your posts, all of it. If you don't, then you obviously hate each other. That is literally what we expect from two female costars - there's no room for them to be 'mates', or 'work friends' or even just 'colleagues'. You're either best friends or mortal enemies, those are the only choices.

And look - I'm not a big Ariana fan, (generally speaking, I'm a rock/metal girlie and my forays into pop music have been few and far between), but the way in which we talk about her body on social media is also disgusting. (Don't let people tell you it's coming from 'a place of concern'. It isn't.) I get that Ariana Grande has exhibited some problematic behaviour in the past, and I am not trying to excuse that, but she is also very clearly going through a mental health crisis and we, as a society, have collectively decided to pile on because we think we're so much better than her. We learned nothing from Caroline Flack, did we?

Sorry, that got rantier than I was expecting. It's just... some critical thinking skills would not go amiss.

(*I'm not calling it 'X', Elon Musk can fuck off.)

[zg0nuwa]

Hey, sorry i feel so demanding when asking someone so i had to let they know that this is just a silly idea *_-YOU CAN IGNORE IT AND DONT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!!-_*

SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT I HAD TO LET IT OUTT!!! I hope you understand what i meant, thank you take care!

Anyways... So the idea is: The earthrealm trio, Johnny Cage, Kenshi and Kung lao (or any charactr you prefer) liking the reader very much (It can be platonic or romantic up to you) and they always get in little fights or arguments because they are kinda jealous of you, not something sick and twisted but you know, like, little things like they fighting to sit beside you when watching a movie together and one of them end up sitting on the grund in front of you (so all of you sit on the ground together) or when they are walking and they see you from afar one of them starts to running to get to you faster than the other but the reader is very oblivious, besides loving all 3 of them very much and keeping to themselves because the reader doesnt know what polyamorous is and think its problematic to love all the 3 guys at the time and their worst fear is to hurt those 3 protective, dependable and caring fellas. Also the reader always makes a effort to spend time them too, specially with the 3 at the same time, and they are all very touchy with esch other? Like hugs, hand holding, hands on the shoulders when walking together...

( doing this also with raiden because this boy has my heart )

cw ; this is not exactly romantic but also not very platonic, i hope this is okay

first and foremost, may god have mercy on you, because these four won't. johnny and kung lao are the worst, childish competitions and being up in your personal space, always a hand on your shoulder, thigh, in their hand. kenshi and raiden are much more reasonable and just happy to be in your presence.

johnny is the initiator i would say, he'd probably be the first one to show you this type of attention, which, to be honest, is not much different from before. he is definitely more touchy and maybe a little pushover with his advances towards you. it's not because he doesn't respect your boundaries, he does and takes it very seriously when you tell him to stop. it's more like inserting himself wherever you are, dropped a pen? he already picked it up! forgot something? would you look at that! he has a spare or coincidentally has that specific thing on him!

kung lao is... specific. he's also touchy but he feels a little awkward, like he's not really sure he can be touchy and affectionate with you. while johnny is confident and straightforward he's more of a "pretending to yawn and putting my arm over your shoulder' type of person. this still doesn't make him drop the cocky personality.

kenshi is passive, at least thats how he seems to be, he doesn't mind the others behavior but much prefers being one on one with you. his affection comes in form of long deeps talks that go well into the night. he's open, he's comfortable and he shows it well. does small favors for you like putting you laundry away, turning the lights off if you fall asleep and forget, making an extra cup of tea and "surprisingly" it's always your favourite.

raiden is a charmer, sometimes without even trying. remembers the smallest things about you. not to mention that he's very timid but he's not this "shy baby" that blushes at any advance towards him. he's actually a smartass sometimes and has a lot of good responses to flirty anecdotes. also the best advice giver, no matter what it may be he's always here to figure something out for you.

together they can get pretty chaotic but not to the point where they're jumping at eachother throats. call it friendly rivalry they say ( usually it's between kung lao and johnny but johnny always seems to drag in kenshi so you and raiden just wait until the drama resolves itself)

[issuesdolly]

My weirdest experience yet.

Y'all..... I haven't shared anything in a while but this is truly the weirdest thing that has happened to me yet. Nonfiction, true life anecdote lol

About a week ago (and I'm trying to spare personal details of this person here).... I saw on the JD fan page and amazing tribute band that does Korn covers.. The lead singer looks and sounds so much like Jonathan it's unbelievable. I checked out their Instagram and I left the dude literally two comments. He almost never responds to followers unless they are his friends.

He slid into my DMs and thanked me and we started talking. We wound up talking on Instagram phone chat feature a lot and then video calls over the next few days between his tour gigs. Obviously that was more than a little bit exciting for me lol. Since obviously he's his own person but he does an amazing JD impersonation on stage... And obviously looks like a doppelganger. Maybe at some point I should figure out this is problematic in my personal life lol

But anyway I didn't think he could possibly be more into me than I was into him....

But, no amount of conversation seemed to be enough for him. We would be talking for 5 to 7 hours on and off throughout the entire day or sometimes five consecutive hours on video (no naughtiness just talking about our lives and stuff).. he seems really kind but definitely on my level of super lonely.

Beyond lonely. I didn't think anyone in this world was lonelier than I am I figured he must have a big social circle because he has a huge following but he's actually from a small town when he's not performing and yeah... Limited circle and not good family (neither do I). Obviously things like this brought us together along with a lot of other life experiences we shared.

He's a kind soul but I didn't think anyone in this world.... Had the potential to be this clingy. I have health problems so I explained some days I'm not very communicative but the boundaries are not being respected.

I'm getting that bad feeling that when I don't answer he's flipping out increasingly. I was talking to him for 3 hours this evening explaining my life circumstance and why I can't be talking this long everyday and he acted like he got it... But then at the end of the conversation he said he hopes that tomorrow he and I could talk for a longer time 😳 so the message was not received.

I never thought I would actually be tired of Jonathan 😆😂 but getting smothered by a person who looks like Jonathan not in a good way has been quite the experience.

I don't see this ending well. Sucks because he seems amazingly kind but definitely doesn't understand boundaries and seems to have an issue with not being able to shut up if you get him talking.... And obviously if you don't talk to him he's pretty upset. Damn.

Only reason I am sharing any of this is because I would appreciate some suggestions??? 😳 Dude has a massive following I would have figured especially because he looks and sounds so similar to JD there would be other girls where if I'm not communicating he could have some other conversations but.... Apparently I'm his main focus and honestly he's seeming obsessed with me. And I'm not saying this like some kind of confidence boost I'm not that cool so why on earth is he obsessed with me. And I don't say obsessed lightly I think obsessive texting and calling and thinking about me during a given day after knowing each other for so little time is weird even in my book. I'm honestly baffled at my reality 😆

How do I let him down easy?

I would be fine to keep talking with him if he gave me some space and obviously if he was being mean and aggressive it would be easier but if I tell him I can't talk right now he just simply acts heartbroke

Update: he's been respecting my space more so far.. he did say it was overkill but he was overly excited because he really wants me to be his girlfriend. I would definitely like to be his girlfriend 😳 so I guess we will see how it goes if we can find a healthy balance LOL.

[iwaoiness]

thank u sm @mania-sama for taggin me on this!! <3 im excited to see how this will turn out omg

𒌋 fanfic write review

— How many works do you have on AO3? —

actually 48 fics in english and spanish, i think its a huge number but then i remember there's people with more than 70 works and then i feel better

— Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes —

¹ orbit return↦ "When they're eight years old and learn in class what the orbit and the planets and the stars and the universe are, Iwaizumi decides that on Oikawa's birthday he will no longer say "happy birthday", but "happy orbit return". And it becomes a tradition. Or: Oikawa is the main protagonist of Iwaizumi's Instagram, especially, every 20th of July."

its one of the cutest i've ever written, i wanted to do something cute and soft for oikawa's b-day and show iwaoi over the years through the pictures but as i have no fucking idea how to draw, i said: ‘fuck it i'll write it’, and so it was born!! i liked it sm i couldnt hold out until july so i published it in octuber lol

² tooru's love life↦ "In wich Oikawa never revealed anything about his private life, let alone his love life. Until he posts a TikTok with Iwaizumi Hajime and everything explodes."

it was a silly thing that crossed my mind after seeing a video on twitter and idk how its in this top2 BUT im soooo grateful that yall liked it so much <3

³ chronicles of a jealous athlete↦ "What Oikawa definitely can't get over and what left him gaping with eyes wide open was the latest viral video featuring Iwaizumi (which Makki sent him just two minutes after it was posted, along with a "loool bro u should’ve come to japan"). And it's not another fancam (he wished it was another fancam, why on earth wasn't it a fancam), but a video of him, back to the camera, giving Ushijima Fucking Wakatoshi a massage. A fucking pectoral massage."

THIS IS MY PRECIOUS SON!! i saw the video on my tl and said: i MUST iwaoing this right now and worte it in one day. i had a great time writing it, i felt like i was 15 again, surrounded by books and being able to read saga after saga every week, totally engrossed in the world of manga and anime, having evolved in my writing style and feeling that i finally could show my full potential and reveal without further walls everything that my mind holds. im very fond of it i swear

⁴ oikawa's problematic phone case↦ "In which Oikawa shows a video to a famous talk show host and (unintentionally) ends up showing half the world the photo he keeps in his phone case. And it would all remain an anecdote if it weren't for the fact that it is a ID photo of Iwaizumi Hajime (27) athletic trainer."

can u believe i just wanted to do a drabble about iwaizumi being the kind of person who doesnt try hard at all and looks SO HOT in the id photo and then this came out lol i just now its something canon

⁵ when the rain falls in summer↦ "It's summer, it's raining, Oikawa is lying on the couch like an invertebrate animal, humming a song because he doesn't know silence, and Iwaizumi can't ask for anything more."

i couldnt be iwaoi's fan without writing iwaoi enjoying the two of them in their flat on a rainy day, all sweet, loving and in love, and with a balcony full of plants ugh i love them with my whole heart

— Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? —

yees!! its my fav part of publish a work, even though sometimes i forget and get months behind, i LOVE responding to comments, it's like feeling more connected to people and an incredible dopamine rush

— What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? —

all i know is my life is gone, well tecnically its all angst not only the ending, but thanks to this i found the joy of writing angst, now i understand people who write an 120k fic of pure angst, somehow its reaaaally funny

i have another one in spanish la paz de akaashi its a bokuaka fic y si eres hispana hermana no sabes lo que me dolió emocionalmente destrozar a bokuto y akaashi pensé que sería soportable pero nO

— What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? —

AAAAAAA I CANT CHOOSE apart from the previous two plus another one that has a bittersweet ending (between alphas if u r curious), the rest of the 43 fics have happy ending, but so as not to leave this blank I will say: little piece of home

— Do you write crossovers? —

nopee, and i dont think im ever going to write it cuz im not really into it

— Have you ever received hate on a fic? —

only once lol when i started in the fanfic world in fanfiction.net with vocaloid stories (dark past don't ask) and i was 12 or 13 y/o ig when one of my shameful fics ended up in a review blog with the top spanish fanfic writers, and they dedicated a WHOLE post to me with a destructive (and a little bit constructive) criticism. actually it wasnt that bad cuz that was my turning point and now i write well thanks to it, and since then i havent received any hate on any of my fics!! (for now lol)

— Do you write smut? If so, what kind? —

another yes thank youuu. i love to write it not too explicit, like leave u wanting to know a lot more and also to be able to imagine it a little bit as u like, if that makes sense

— Have you ever had a fic stolen? —

not that i know of, and hope to keep it that way pleaseee

— Have you ever had a fic translated? —

nope

— Have you ever co-written a fic before? —

nope again

— What’s your all-time favorite ship? —

IWAOIIWAOIIWAOIIWAOIIWAOIIWAOI im OBSESSED with their dynamic. its just so freaking good (and don’t even get me started on the fact that childhood friends is my weakness). with these two, there’s literally endless possibilities and AUs u can explore without pushing them into major ooc territory, which, tbh, is a struggle with some ships. like, u want enemies to lovers? fits like a glove. strangers to friends to lovers? perfect. full-blown angst with a happy ending? chef’s kiss. angst with hurt/no comfort? yup, that too. whatever the vibe is, if it’s iwaoi, it just WORKS

and individually they’re a solid 10/10. like, sure, iwaizumi didn’t get as much screen time as oikawa, but his personality is so well-crafted that it feels like he’s been a core part for all 402 freaking chapters of haikyuu (well he's a core part if it wasnt for him, tooru would’ve been absolutely eaten up by guilt for hitting kageyama and might’ve even quit volleyball and that iconic line ‘the team with the better six is stronger’ it’s HIS, and it hit kageyama like a truck) and don’t even get me started on timeskip iwaizumi hajime (27), athletic trainer, he's my roman empire

and oikawa, oh my oikawa, i’d legit have to write a whole doctoral thesis cuz he’s THE character. his development's straight-up apotheosis. he’s one of the best-written characters out there, and if u disagree, go argue with the wall. the man crossed the damn pond for volleyball, became a STARTER on the argentinian national team, rediscovered the joy in the sport, and kept his pride intact through it all. uuugh and at 30 years old, he’s still a total dork but irresistibly handsome piece of man

— What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? —

okay listen to me carefully (or rather, read me carefully) i have a lots of WIPs but for the last FOUR years in my iwaoi doc there has been THE wip that has been going around in my mind but that will probably never come to light and that im going to let a summary of here cuz if i suffer for not being able to write it, as it deserve, yall suffer with me for not being able to read it:

inspired by the music video of halsey's song colors, omegaverse iwaoi, where oikawa (18) is a dominant omega (a real one, who can bend an alpha with his pheromones) and iwaizumi (29) is an alpha. i know it sounds repetitive BUT KEEP READING!!

the oikawas are a pretty well-off family: daisuke (a lawyer with his own successful law firm) is the alpha dad, aoi (a social worker at an omega shelter) is the omega papa, tomiko is the eldest alpha daughter, and tooru is the youngest omega son. tomiko’s married but always stays in close contact with the family, and daisuke and aoi’s relationship is super healthy, making them a tight-knit family where oikawa grew up never lacking love.

but then adolescence hits hard and oikawa becomes ridiculously beautiful, flamboyant, smart, strong, attention-loving, totally into top and bottom dynamics, and most importantly, he LOVES teasing his dad, though daisuke always dishes it right back cuz they’re both stubborn as hell (but his dad really cares about him and only looks out for the best, just like his papa). actually oikawa gets along quite well with the rest of the omegas, but his closest friends are makki (an omega marked by beta mattsun) and suga (the epitome of perfection with a playful streak he rarely shows, and ofc engaged to daichi).

oikawa and hanamaki usually go to the sports club to play tennis because volleyball is not an omegas thing, and with suga he attends the music conservatory where he plays the violin. at the omegas institution, the three of them are in the sewing club (led by akaashi btw) although tooru has no fucking idea how to sew.

so, the story kicks off with makki and oikawa watching a volleyball match at the said prestigious miyagi sports club, where daisuke and a handful of alphas (and mattsun) play. among them is yutaro iwaizumi who happens to be a little bit in love with tooru (and even has a semi-blessing from the oikawas to court him). but, ofc, tooru has zero interest in that iwaizumi. his eyes are on the other alpha iwaizumi who plays volleyball too with his dad, the one who looks at him with those intense green eyes, the one with a dimple on his right cheek when he smiles, the one with a deep, gravelly voice that makes oikawa’s stomach flip, the one with an overwhelming presence, the one who smells like sandalwood and mint, the one with a broken mark on the nape of his neck.

hajime iwaizumi, the big bro of yutaro

AAAAAA DUDE, NOW I WANNA PICK IT UP AGAIN, IT’D BE SO GOOD I WANNA CRY. i wrote three chapters and half of the fourth, and honestly, it was so fun cuz i add humor and build a fun dynamic between the OCs (aka tooru’s parents) and tooru himself. ugh and don’t even get me started on the epic scenes i included, like oikawa getting into big trouble sneaking into an alpha institution just to smash a nut tart into the face of an alpha who’s allergic to nuts for revenge

— What are your writing strengths? —

wow i’ve never really stopped to think seriously about this, but i think im decent at conveying emotions (someone pls tell me this is a legit writing strength before i embarrass myself here), like, i try to make them feel real and almost palpable instead of leaving them just abstract. and maybe creativity too? im always looking for ways to avoid repetition and make everything feel smoother and more fluid

— What are your writing weaknesses? —

definitely describing places, i HATE that kind of description. i try my best, but if it’s already a struggle in spanish for me, just imagine doing it in english, i caaant every time it makes me want to bang my head against my laptop. oh and i feel like cant write long fics to save my life cuz i always feel like i wont be good enough to pull it off or that i’ll mess up squeezing the plot and fucking it up, and it drives me absolutely crazy but but i swear im trying to improve that aspect and one day get a long fic or a 10k+ one shot uploaded without dying in the attempt!!

— What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? —

i think its super funny (u cant comprehend the joy that comes over me when i read fics in english with argentinian oikawa saying dialogues in spanish), although its true that sometimes it hinders the reading a bit if one isnt fluent in the other language, its a good tool that makes the reading more interesting as long as its used well, i see it as another resource to make the reader more involved in the story imo

— What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? —

right now off the top of my head i’d looove to write kuroken, more bokuaka, some oihina, kenhina, definitely atsuhina, kagehina, and tanakiyo from haikyuu. and once i finish arcane, i’m literally DYING to dive into jayvik. also, i love love love kingdom (GO READ IT, ITS LEGENDARY), and i’d be so hyped to write something shin x qiang too

— What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? —

i really hate to choose i swear but the first one that cross my mind its hajime's premature death i had such a blast working on the plot, like driving iwaizumi insane with oikawa rocking a skirt has been soooo enriching. honestly, i think this might just be the most fun fic i’ve ever written

time for tagginggg @vvalllerie @winnterboobear @kingofech0park if yall want to do it, no pressure!! ღ

[problematic-maleslash-polls]

Do you ship it?

Problematic Reasons: Siblings

Propaganda: While they do bicker like brothers, they’re also very sweet with each other— especially in season one :0 Some moments that stand out include Diego showing concern for Klaus regarding his drug abuse, Klaus tying Diego’s shoes for him when he was injured, Diego being the first (maybe only, I can’t remember) person Klaus opened up to about his traumatic experiences in the Vietnam war + losing Dave, as well as how emotionally they reunited in season two. There’s also some funny moments, like in the bowling alley where somebody mistakes them for a couple and they exchange banter (“IF I were to date a man, you’d be the last man I would date” and “you’d be lucky to have me 😒”). Their dynamic in general is really entertaining with how serious Diego tries to be, and how Klaus eggs him on and knows exactly how to rile him up (he likes to sneak up on him and surprise him with funny anecdotes, like about licking batteries when they were kids)— and out of all the Hargreeves, I believe they have the most genuine care and compassion for one another.

Note to the submitter: I agree with your final comment in the form!

[aspd-culture]

dunno if this is allowed, u dont have to answer if you don't want to but as someone with bpd I'm curious, how do people with aspd often see them?

So I can only offer my anecdotal answer to this, but I've had very polarized responses to people with BPD. Anything I say about how my ASPD affects the person with BPD I'm speaking of has been directly told to me by that person, so I am not just assuming.

On the one hand, my partner has BPD and it makes our relationship much more functional on my end than it would with me being with someone without it. That's because my *very* limited empathy that comes with him being an Exception pairs very well with the more intense emotions a pwBPD feels. Since my empathy is limited, I am not overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions the way his exes often were. And, since his emotions are so intense, I can actually pick up on many of those emotions even with the blunted empathy. They're quiet pings on my radar, but they're there.

Further, my desire to only be around an extremely limited number of people saves him a lot of grief because his favorite person is *very* rarely interested in talking to anyone but him and a couple other close friends. The more limited the pool of people I have deep and meaningful relationships with, the less threatened he feels with me being his favorite person. Whilst he couldn't and wouldn't push someone to barely talk to anyone but him as that would be extremely abusive, me wanting to limit my interactions with people helps ease that anxiety a lot. It very much limits how much he worries that I will abandon him for someone else.

Meanwhile, the intensity of his attachment to me, while annoying during a flare, is actually something I enjoy. It's good for the ASPD unstable self-worth to know he values me that highly, and being his FP helps my brain accept that he genuinely does value me and is not using me, because I know the "hidden motivation" for him wanting me around that my ASPD convinces me everyone has. It's also one of the most stable attachments to me that anyone has had, mainly because I have very little time to detach since we do spend so much time together. Besides with my alters, it's the closest to normal love I've ever felt.

However, for non-Exceptions, I can get *very* annoyed by the emotional reactions of pwBPD if they affect me. I already am exhausted by the emotional labor of dealing with prosocials, what with their emotions overtaking their logic, but that is even more exacerbated by pwBPD. It's not their fault, and I know that, but I do have trouble being around pwBPD who are not an Exception because of this without setting firm boundaries on what I can and can't help them with. If they need me to just listen to their upset without trying to help them solve the problem, I cannot help with that. However, if they are too overwhelmed by their reaction to find solutions and want me to insert a logical and entirely non-emotional perspective, I am great at that and it makes me feel useful for something that mostly makes people call me shallow and cold.

Even for my Exceptions though, there are definitely issues between a pwBPD and a pwASPD. BPD splits can *really* flare my symptoms - both the "positive" and "negative" splits. When it's the type of split where he gets hyper-attached and needs a lot of attention out of nowhere, I can get tired easily with this, especially because just saying (and meaning) that I'm not going to leave is not good enough. It makes me want to interact less when he is obsessively trying to interact more. The types of splits where a pwBPD pushes someone away to avoid being left can be especially problematic for both people involved, as very often the pwASPD will essentially go "okay, bye then" and detach. That can be a lot for pwBPD to deal with, even though we're sometimes willing to go back on that. I have to stop myself when my partner gets in that kind of split to keep from "calling his bluff" so to speak, because that will worsen things for him.

In both romantic and platonic relationships, pwBPD and pwASPD can end up very toxic for each other, as some pwBPD will follow pwASPD into destructive situations and with our issues with regard for others' wellbeing, we may not always stop you. In fact, sometimes it's proof to us that you actually DO care about us, which, of course, is messed up for everyone involved.

That said, the more destructive behaviors pwBPD sometimes struggle with are VERY unlikely to surprise or scare a pwASPD. "Oh, you got freaked out and threw something, but you didn't throw it at me or break anything of mine? Ok, cool. What a mood. No, why tf would I leave you over that? I did that like 2 days ago. You're chill now right? Ok let's go get Taco Bell." From what my partner has told me, this can (and has) stop an episode in it's tracks because when the destructive behavior that is meant to push me away doesn't even make me blink twice and I'm still entirely cool with him, it sometimes completely reassures him that I'm not going anywhere and we can move on.

It can go either or both ways, depending on the day, on how a pwASPD and a pwBPD in close relationships of any type will interact, but generally I prefer pwBPD over other prosocials because most of what pwBPD do and say makes sense to me - even the irrational things are done out of a fear of or response to being abandoned, and handling that poorly is something I entirely understand and relate to. Anecdotally, my current partner and my most recent ex (both of whom have BPD) also said that they far, far preferred pwASPD to prosocials because of how we sometimes stablize their fear of being abandoned. I was one of the only people they ever believed when they asked if they were leaving and I said "why and where tf would I go anyway".

Again, this is VERY personal and anecdotal, but I've seen asks in the askbox before that said some similar stuff, so I'm sure I'm not the only one who relates to at least some of this.

Plain text below the cut:

So I can only offer my anecdotal answer to this, but I've had very polarized responses to people with BPD. Anything I say about how my ASPD affects the person with BPD I'm speaking of has been directly told to me by that person, so I am not just assuming.

On the one hand, my partner has BPD and it makes our relationship much more functional on my end than it would with me being with someone without it. That's because my *very* limited empathy that comes with him being an Exception pairs very well with the more intense emotions a pwBPD feels. Since my empathy is limited, I am not overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions the way his exes often were. And, since his emotions are so intense, I can actually pick up on many of those emotions even with the blunted empathy. They're quiet pings on my radar, but they're there.

Further, my desire to only be around an extremely limited number of people saves him a lot of grief because his favorite person is *very* rarely interested in talking to anyone but him and a couple other close friends. The more limited the pool of people I have deep and meaningful relationships with, the less threatened he feels with me being his favorite person. Whilst he couldn't and wouldn't push someone to barely talk to anyone but him as that would be extremely abusive, me wanting to limit my interactions with people helps ease that anxiety a lot. It very much limits how much he worries that I will abandon him for someone else.

Meanwhile, the intensity of his attachment to me, while annoying during a flare, is actually something I enjoy. It's good for the ASPD unstable self-worth to know he values me that highly, and being his FP helps my brain accept that he genuinely does value me and is not using me, because I know the "hidden motivation" for him wanting me around that my ASPD convinces me everyone has. It's also one of the most stable attachments to me that anyone has had, mainly because I have very little time to detach since we do spend so much time together. Besides with my alters, it's the closest to normal love I've ever felt.

Meanwhile, the intensity of his attachment to me, while annoying during a flare, is actually something I enjoy. It's good for the ASPD unstable self-worth to know he values me that highly, and being his FP helps my brain accept that he genuinely does value me and is not using me, because I know the "hidden motivation" for him wanting me around that my ASPD convinces me everyone has. It's also one of the most stable attachments to me that anyone has had, mainly because I have very little time to detach since we do spend so much time together. Besides with my alters, it's the closest to normal love I've ever felt.

Even for my Exceptions though, there are definitely issues between a pwBPD and a pwASPD. BPD splits can *really* flare my symptoms - both the "positive" and "negative" splits. When it's the type of split where he gets hyper-attached and needs a lot of attention out of nowhere, I can get tired easily with this, especially because just saying (and meaning) that I'm not going to leave is not good enough. It makes me want to interact less when he is obsessively trying to interact more. The types of splits where a pwBPD pushes someone away to avoid being left can be especially problematic for both people involved, as very often the pwASPD will essentially go "okay, bye then" and detach. That can be a lot for pwBPD to deal with, even though we're sometimes willing to go back on that. I have to stop myself when my partner gets in that kind of split to keep from "calling his bluff" so to speak, because that will worsen things for him.

In both romantic and platonic relationships, pwBPD and pwASPD can end up very toxic for each other, as some pwBPD will follow pwASPD into destructive situations and with our issues with regard for others' wellbeing, we may not always stop you. In fact, sometimes it's proof to us that you actually DO care about us, which, of course, is messed up for everyone involved.

That said, the more destructive behaviors pwBPD sometimes struggle with are VERY unlikely to surprise or scare a pwASPD. "Oh, you got freaked out and threw something, but you didn't throw it at me or break anything of mine? Ok, cool. What a mood. No, why tf would I leave you over that? I did that like 2 days ago. You're chill now right? Ok let's go get Taco Bell." From what my partner has told me, this can (and has) stop an episode in it's tracks because when the destructive behavior that is meant to push me away doesn't even make me blink twice and I'm still entirely cool with him, it sometimes completely reassures him that I'm not going anywhere and we can move on.

It can go either or both ways, depending on the day, on how a pwASPD and a pwBPD in close relationships of any type will interact, but generally I prefer pwBPD over other prosocials because most of what pwBPD do and say makes sense to me - even the irrational things are done out of a fear of or response to being abandoned, and handling that poorly is something I entirely understand and relate to. Anecdotally, my current partner and my most recent ex (both of whom have BPD) also said that they far, far preferred pwASPD to prosocials because of how we sometimes stablize their fear of being abandoned. I was one of the only people they ever believed when they asked if they were leaving and I said "why and where tf would I go anyway".

Again, this is VERY personal and anecdotal, but I've seen asks in the askbox before that said some similar stuff, so I'm sure I'm not the only one who relates to at least some of this.

[knifearo]

honestly never sure what to say for an ask but i've got something now :)) damn a really underrated aspect of the aromantic experience is the shrimp emotions. in my experience it extends beyond partnered relationships and encompasses familial/spiritual feelings and i think that's neat. do you have anecdotes about shrimp emotions

shout out to aromanticism shrimp emotions my best friend aromanticism shrimp emotions... i don't know if i have any specific anecdotes about them. but i have a few different philosophical and linguistic takes and poems to share instead :)

for my general concept of aro shrimp emotions! i have my darling poems "i like to say that aromanticism is like experiencing shrimp emotions", "an aromantic person is someone who (fill in the blank here)", "i can't just call us friends", and "valentine" in lieu of ten thousand paragraphs about it :)

i have. a lot of thoughts on the experience of feeling love. my personal outlook on it is that there is a societal concept of love that is inherently and inexplicably tied to romance and that does not exist for me. what i have instead is something (and/or many many somethings) different, something that feels, to me, like it might be deeper. outside of the limitations of amatonormativity i feel that i have access to the kind of feeling that people centering their experience on romance might keep themselves from... and also. y'know. seven thousand secret third things. aromanticism is when i get to do whatever i want forever and discover new emotions for every person i meet and mix those emotions together into new concoctions of fantastic new feelings that romance could never even conceive of

my problematic aromantic hot take. is that i do believe in the concept of "more than friends". this is because my understanding of things is very heavily connected to semantics. like with love. obviously you can define love all kinds of ways and it does technically encompass whatever you want it to encompass but the way that the word has been endowed with meaning by society... doesn't work for me. same for the word friends. society has created a section of relationships under the label of "friends", and the general understanding of those relationships is casual, lighthearted... friendships can obviously be insanely deep and complex and important. and also. there are people who i feel something Different from friendship for. where it's a connection that i Do feel the need to differentiate from the casual designation of friendship. "best friends" is cool and all but when i am talking about someone i care for deeply it just does not convey what i need it to convey... sometimes i am more than friends with someone. it doesn't mean it's romantic and it doesn't mean that friendship is inferior. it's just that for me it's More. before i called my girlfriend 'my girlfriend' (speaking of shrimp emotions. shout out to a t4t relationship that i do not categorize as romantic Or platonic where we do not use the word dating <2) i was spending time calling him my beloved and my darling in conversations with other people cause it just. didn't feel right to call her my friend. and the same is true of one of my other dear close friends (which is such a hassle to say. need a new word) but i don't have a solution for that one yet...

my last and final thought on aro shrimp emotions for this ask. connected to everything i have said thusfar. i believe that 'romantic' and 'platonic' are socially constructed categories that we use to group emotions into easily quantifiable boxes and i don't believe that they really have any meaning at all. i feel many things that i do not feel are either romantic or platonic. when it stops being 'the secret third thing' and you open your worldview up to an endless span of possible things that aren't kept in specific categories/kept in relation to the terms romantic or platonic... i just think there is so much beauty out there to discover and see and feel... and i think that this is all very personal to me and it is entirely possible that everyone else has completely different experiences <3 and i honestly think that's very cool <3