#probably MUCH longer than it needed to be lol
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I have been Processing My Feelings mostly through sleeping a lot (thanks, shark week), cleaning (so much stuff to be done, especially when you're on a budget so everything takes twice as much work), playing Pokemon Go (I SAW AN ARTICUNO, but it fled on me ): but that's okay, I know it only has like a 3% chance to get it, and if I saw one, maybe I'll see another sometime), and binging TV shows/YouTube videos. TV SHOWS THAT I HAVE HAD THOUGHTS ON: - FROM, season 3: I think it might have been a mistake to watch it week to week, because I've watched seven episodes now and it feels like hardly anything has happened this season, like, you only have ten episodes and the wait between seasons is so long! Get back to moving the plot forward! But a lot of people said the same thing about s2 and I found that one to move along great--but I binged the whole thing, so the pacing probably seemed better. I'm still invested, some emotional stuff has happened this season, but I want more answers/plot already!!!! - SHRINKING, season 2: Just as much of a comfort watch as the first season, still pulling a bunch of laughs out of me. The cast is incredible, the writing is funny (I'm a sucker for a Bill Lawrence show, though), and I have had genuine emotional reactions to some of the storylines this season, because I have come to care about the characters. It can be a light watch most of the time, one to put on when I want something to laugh at, but it can pack a punch in the way it needs to. - ENGLISH TEACHER: I think every episode got me to laugh at least once, most of them got me to laugh out loud multiple times. Some people are going to find it kind of preachy or tryhard, but I felt like it was trying to take an honest look at this one person's attempts to navigate the difficult societal elements at play (being gay in your 30s, no longer a kid, not a boomer, but not always seeing eye-to-eye with where the younger generation is, wanting to do the right thing versus not always knowing what that is, trying to be empathetic while being genuine, etc.), and if nothing else it got me with the sideswipe at Tumblr. That hurt, you guys, but also LOL. - 9-1-1, season 8: Still very much worth watching (especially every time Eddie is a hot mess and kind of a bitch, I've never loved him more), but I did not enjoy the Councilwoman Ortiz storyline (it felt more mean-spirited than I wanted) and I'm not looking forward to catching up on this week's episode (I've heard some of what happens), but overall, it's still a comfort place for batshit storylines. BEENADO WAS HILARIOUS, everything about Athena on the plane was fun (and less frustrating than her usual cop storylines, I love you, girl, but oh my god), and I even liked the Gerrard storyline by the end. Next to catch up on: Abbot Elementary, binge Squid Game s2 when it comes out, and finally watch The Devil Judge. (Watch, I'll have my schedule all planned out and then probably throw it out the window for Grotesquerie or something, SIGH.) Any other suggestions for comfort shows or just really bingeable recent shows or just tell me what you're watching, so that I can keep my brain off the doomscrolling track!
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Hiii, could I request like the ā06 gang (Sonic, Shadow, Silver) x reader (platonic or romantic is fine) thatās scared of vaccines/shots since I have to get ones soon and I like shake just thinking about it (Iām really sensitive (idk why) and my arm always hurts way longer than other peopleās for some reason)
GRAHH SORRY FOR RANTING I LIKE NEVER EVER DO REQUESTS SO IāM REALLY NERVOUS ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU DO THIS OR NOTā¼ļøā¼ļøā¼ļø
A/n: dw lol, ur not rambling
Triple S x reader scared of shots
Sonic:
Sonicās the first to notice your nervousness as you anxiously tap your foot. He gets it, sitting still isnāt his thing either, so having to go through something uncomfortable? No thanks! But heās not about to let you do this alone.
Sonic want to make sure that you aren't just suffering the whole time, so he tried to keep things light hearted. Making jokes, random distractions, etc to get your mind off the shots. Maybe making you do trivia of him
Heās tossing questions at you like, "Whatās my favorite food? Wrong! Itās a chili dog AND cola! Gotcha"
When you reach the clinic, Sonic sees how tense you are, so he offers his hand with a smirk. "It's fine, you can hold on if you need to!" Heās playful about it, but his hand is warm, steady, and there for you to grip onto if you need. Heās always right there, "You got this! Think of it as just a tiny pinch!"
Once itās over, Sonic doesnāt let you dwell on the soreness. Instead, heās already planning a day full of fun things. "Hey, I know the perfect way to forget about that shot, letās go grab some food or go to an arcade!"
Heās all about making sure you end the day on a high note, reassuring you every time you wince. Heāll even make you laugh by pretending his arm hurts too, just to keep your spirits up.
Shadow:
Shadow is the quiet support type. He notices how your usual energy fades the moment you realize you need to get a shot, and he can see the worry in your eyes even if you try to hide it. He may not say much, but heās not about to let you go through this without his support.
Shadow isnāt big on comforting words, but he has a way of grounding you when youāre feeling anxious. Heāll place a steady hand on your shoulder, looking you in the eyes. "Youāre stronger than this. Youāve faced worse." A bit of a tough love guy.
He knows youāre sensitive and that your arm tends to ache more than others afterward. So, he might take some to reassure you that when you get the shot, it'll be okay, and it won't be as harsh as other injuries you've attained.
When itās over, Shadow stays by your side, silently making sure youāre okay. Heāll help you find a comfortable way to hold your arm, reminding you to relax the muscles around the injection site to ease the soreness. He even surprises you by making tea. If you wince, he might mutter, "hm, humans and your sensitive bodies..." but he'll still massage your arm, it'll probably hurt more than just getting the shot tho tbh-.
Silver
Silver is the most empathetic. He sees how anxious you are about the shot and starts trying to comfort you to the best of his abilities.
He knows fear is a big deal, and heās very vocal about it. "Hey, itās okay to be scared!" Silverās the type to assure you itās natural to feel nervous, and he offers to be there for you.
Silver tries to create the calmest atmosphere possible. He takes deep breaths with you, even suggesting meditation or some grounding techniques to help soothe you. "Letās just close our eyes and focus on something peaceful for a minute."
After the shot, Silver feels terrible seeing you in any discomfort, so heās extra attentive. Heāll offer to massage your arm if youāre okay with it (it's way more gentle than Shadow) or bring you anything to help ease the soreness, will give cuddles to ease the pain.
All 3 of them:
Heās the one to keep you smiling, whether with jokes or challenges to keep your mind busy. Heād bet Silver and Shadow on who can make you laugh the fastest, anything to keep you from focusing on your anxiety.
Shadowās calm presence is there as a constant reminder that he's there, I mean if he didn't want to be there, he just wouldn't, but he is there. He doesnāt need to say much, but the way he holds your hand or pats your shoulder speaks volumes. He keeps things practical, making sure you know that your strength is whatās helping you through this.
Silver would be the one to say the gentle words that help you accept your fear without feeling judged. If youāre feeling sensitive afterward, heād be there. "You did amazing. Youāre stronger than you think, and youāve got us all here to take care of you."
A/n: sorry if you expected Archie silver, youāre getting idw
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sonic x yn#sonic x reader#shadow x reader#silver x reader#silver the hedgehog#silver#shadow the hedgehog x reader
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a little update.. what i'm working on/prologue changes so far:
no prologue! itās chapter 1 now
removed the option to leave clementine behind. you have to take them with you :3c
removed height options (sorry!)
in general, edited the cc to flow better
combat preferences have been adjusted-- all still the same but i've made it more obvious how each specialty works mechanically which will hopefully make fights more intuitive to win (or lose, if you want)
genderlocked the sibling. officially a Sister
edited a LOT of dialogue; hopefully it's an improvement and feels more natural
restructured the wraith fight so that it's consistent with the fight in blackwater. with the changes made to the combat preferences this should make the combat system overall cohesive now <- i'm still working on this currently but i am HOPING to finish it by the end of this month.
i have pretty much rewritten the entire prologue. wasn't my plan at the start but here we are... so things are quite different. but also the same. i also streamlined a lot of the choices & branches and cut/combined ones that i felt were just excessive.
i plan to update once i've finished making & importing these changes, and i will probably limit the demo to chapter 1 (previously the prologue) until i get through and edit chapter 2 (previously chapter 1) because i really don't want to have the demo be inconsistent for however long it takes me to get through the next edits. hopefully this will not take that long, and then i'll put chapter 2 & and part 1/what's already been published of chapter 3 back up. and then!!! i will move on to finishing chapter 3.
i know this probably isn't the update you all were hoping for but i'm excited for the next steps with tnp :-)
#ch1... is going to be a beast to edit but hopefully won't need as much as the prologue... hopefully....#i dont plan to completely rewrite it in the same way but uh. i didnt plan to do that with the prlg either so š#hoping to update the end of this month or in september. the combat is taking me way longer than i thought#but im working on the 2 part branch first. the other one is mostly automatic successes with only 1 choice#so should go faster. im close enough that im getting very antsy LOL hence making this post#and i know importing will probably take a few days too once the writing is done#i want to update this month or september at the latest this is my accountability post#and i would like to get the demo fully rereleased by october but. we'll see mdnfkhgk
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I've been working exclusively on Motley and no other personal project for like 2 years now, and I think I've finally hit a wall. Which I don't love, because I sure am ready to see it as a pilot!!! But I've had so many ideas for it at this point that I've ended up with a bunch of crossed wires that I can't seem to untangle.
I'm gonna let it rest for a little bit and try to work on a smaller project. Maybe that's the sort of palette cleanser I need to get the gears turning again.
I hope you guys like aliens.
#galactic girlfriend#galactica#shes a party loving alien whos bad at driving her ufo#motley ......i will return to you ........... when im stronger#i mean im probably still gonna post about it. i have an arsenal of doodles that i just ... dont post#i just need a minute away from it. id much rather it take longer to come out than end up hating working on it lol#my art#oc#original character
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Ok game time which 3 series would you just DIE to get a run on ? I'm talking full creative control, can be as a writer or an artist + plotter if that suits your vibe best
My 3 are
Suicide Squad
Wonder Woman
Green Lantern Corps/Green Lanterns
(in that order)
#last one may wiggle around but i think thats mostly it. others i would want to do but if were talking full runs then this would be my picks#there are other things id ofc want to do though. a wonder girl (cassie) mini in addition to the ww run probably some superman stuff too#although idk him as well i do love him. maybe a mini there or even a prestige format book if i go crazy#would love to do a quick something with cass cain too ofc (me and the rest of this site lol). could probably figure out a plot to smth#longer if i thought abt it but would love to guest write a standalone issue or two for an ongoing of hers#what else would i want to do.... the sui sq and wondy are rlly the big ones bc ive thought abt that the most. glc ive thought about too but#to a bit less of an extent. ooh there was that bleez mini i plotted out during lunch once last year. think i had some sketches laying around#for that too.#who else would i do.... those are rlly the main ones atm. books i would write vs books i would read are definitely different though. there#are some pitches i would throw out but wouldnt know how to write at all i just know it could be done good somehow. like ik nothing abt#aquaman but i think its possible a wonder woman/aquaman story could slap#OR NO A WONDER WOMAN & SUPERMAN ONE I WAS JUST TALKING ABT THAT. dont call it that though ofc they should get a duo name in the same vein as#world's finest. and ofc 72848274 issues of bro time. anyways <33333333#also a not abt the rankings sui sq is higher than wondy which may seem crazy from a wondy blogger but 1. i do love them and 2. they need me#so much more. this subject is such an egofest for me bc ofc i think i could do everything perfect but like they need a good run soooooo bad#whereas id LOVE to do wondy but ik they would survive without me. anyways yeah <3#anyways on a totally unrelated not at all adjacent topic.... my askbox is always open btw š#also idk if my green lantern corps book would be called glc. may just hit the green lanterns vol. 2 bc who is stopping me really
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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ok hi and lo poly versions of each braid shape now. the low poly ones are a little pointy BUT they significantly reduce the overall poly count of the braid. so if you're gonna be having a lot of small braids, or even just any amount of small (diameter, not length) braids, then lo poly is probably the way to go. If the braid is meant to be a centerpiece/object that draws attention/large chunky radius/just one braid in the whole hair, then a hi poly would be a better choice.
(these braids are the exact same length and shape, as they were both following the same exact curve, and you can see the triangle count (which should be the poly count in s4s) drop from 13k to only 3k. 13k would be pushing it for an entire hair's polycount, so its definitely still pretty demanding to put a braid in, but not as demanding as it would be to literally braid 3 strands of geometry like i've seen a bunch of tutorials demonstrating. im not even gonna try that.)
#i like these theyre fun#i would love to sit on them longer and like. add some more shape variety#but tbh like. a braid is a braid and i pretty much have covered every base i can think of#for this style of braid facade anyway.#i might try one day faking a braid that looks like it's *more* than 3 strands#but not anytime soon as i have no need for that personally lol.#well i will probably have these ready for release soon but i will have to write up like.#essentially a tutorial post.#and i hate doing that. so it might be a while#but i cant stop playing with them lol#simoleon
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1/3 of the way done of this last page, then I can finally post it all o|-<
#blabbering#idk who even cares or knows what I'm talking about; but I just wanna talk about what's on my mind somewhere; even if it's to no one#I just haven't had much confidence in art or gaming prowess lately; but I'm still trying#I mean I haven't had much to begin with; but it's just tanked worse lately bc I'm probably just burnt out from work and need a break#I just wanna do fun stuff with friends; but I'm constantly plagued with conflicting schedules (aka the quintessential adult experience lol)#but at least after I'm done this thing I meant to do simply and quickly (but wound up taking way longer than I thought) I'll be happy#i just can't make myself really do anything else until it was done bc it would keep looming over my head and I need it done for reasons#at least tomorrow is a nice short day in the timeframe I like; so I'll be in higher spirits#lol sorry I've been complaining so much lately alskjdflsf. I just don't have anyone to talk to about random stuff on my mind lakjdlf#anywho bed time and then short shift and then FREE FOR THE WEEKEND + Friday :catjam:#also I think I have seasonal allergies again (no idea what from lol)#and i also stubbed my toe multiple times last week and it's still a bit swollen and hurts to put pressure on one part (bone bruise maybe)#my life is an exciting adventure that's for sure (I guess yesterday absolutely counts for negating my sarcasm here lmao whoops)
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YOUR TAGS ššššš omg friend i am losing my mind šš«¶ it's so special to be a part of a joke between you and your mom and also your own brain chemistry (???? š) truly appalling and awesome and i am honored
ALKDFJALDKJF very glad to hear you find it special because when i was tracking it down to reblog i for sure thought it'd be a bigger post then it was like 9 notes and i felt so silly reblogging it š but yeah pretty much your ramblings about jongho and hongjoong are permanently embedded in my psyche now š«¶
#inbox#wasn't expecting to see you in my inbox but i feel so happy giddy actually thank you for dropping by!!! feels happy to know that#you were touched by the rb askdlfajdfsk#for a little context too my mom is actually the person who got me into kpop in the first place so since it is such a big thing#between us the post has stuck around so much longer than you probably intended hehe#it's the perfect post to last forever in like. two peoples heads apparently (mine & my mom) lol#plus you spoke it so eloquently. sometimes you DO need to beat that guy with a stick /silly#ok i am just rambling now woops!!!
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while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually
#the end to it still feels weird!!! and going 'oh but actually its all ok!!!' in supplementary materials doesn't make it feel any better!!!!#altho hilariously that means the snadger are soulmates all along#....ok 2 there are 2 redeemable things about that ep cos it gave ford that other hilarious mabel drawing in tots#anyway robbie's actual issue is that he was a terrible boyfriend!!! and didn't respect wendy at all!!!!#he let his insecurities get in that way and he constantly felt threatened by a kid!!!! rebounding off someone else fixes none of this!!!!!#also i have soooo much beef with the northwest ep especially cos of the mabel b plot#she and her friends deserve better than this???? romance in this show sucks!!!!!!#like the a plot isnt inherently bad but what it ended up sprouting into annoys me!!!!#(also the mood of 'dipper shouldve just gotten mabel and the girls out and ran lol')#(the ep needing the 4 of them to get attacked otherwise a lot of folks wouldnt give a shit about the ghost)#anyway another reason why bill sucks is cos he ended up undoing preston's face that coward#too bad those eps are necessary just so robbie and paz are on friendlier terms with the pines#(but meanwhile a wendy ep is too much to ask for :////)#also thinking about how mabel's love crazy phase is relatively new....#one day she'll get better taste in ships#i wonder how much the disney censors were shaking at the wompers joke#cos part of them being like 'NOOOOO THATS TWO GUYS' but also like. thats a pig duct taped to a goat.#they were probably pissed at mabel having a pride sweater on tho#roadside attraction was poorly timed and having it be all about being pickup artistry kinda sucks#but its still way better than love god lol at least we have dipper and stan bonding moments and candy got a hero moment#also stan no longer being sensitive about his brand
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My mother in law finished my first book in the trilogy Iām writing and Iām dead because she loves it skjndjkdhidj she read the last hundred fifty pages in nearly one sitting and said itās the strongest part of the book but that itās well worth how āslowā the beginning is because by the time shit starts going down you really know the characters well Iām dead. sheās weird as hell about books and itās not her genre but I live with her and I know she wouldnāt be able to fake liking it she can be mean as hell pfpflkjf
#babyās first fucking booooook fkjfbkfjhf#it still needs a lot of work but blehhhh#Iām 60 pages in to the second and Iām so excited to at least get the solid first draft done of the trilogy lol#the second is going to be the longest but I finished the first in less than a year amazingly so maybe I can actually do this shit before I#fucking die fppflkfjf#140000 word first book#probably 300000 word second#Iām thinking unless I can fill the plot out way more the second will be about as long as the first#I donāt know#the only reason I think the second is gonna be much longer is because itās over 16 years#unless I figure out a better ending point#which I donāt think will work because I need to save a pov for after something happens#for the third book#itās just gonna have the most#big shrug#I meant the say the third will be about as long as the first fuck#ki rambling#ki writing
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The evil slow creep of it being like "haha these will just be quick little side quests, not much effort at all!" and then noticing each one is getting progressively longer than the last, thus no longer being minimal effort.. auGh....
#The jump of 76 for the first one to 275 for the most recent ghghjb#what can I say.. I am.. The Elaborator.. The Detail Giver..#number six will HAVE to be shorter....!!!!!! !!!!#I fear it's going to look this way but opposite with some of the main character quests. The first character I ever worked on. like their#first quest I added wayy to much information and detail and side options and etc.#Once I got done with all their stuff I was like.... if they're all like this I will NEVER finish.. So then I tried to be very short about#it all. EVERY single interaction cannot have 10 branching dialogue and 5 different endings and blah blah blah.. as much as I wish it could.#Hiring a butler to stand over me all day shouting ''NARROW the scope!!!! REDUCE the options!!! CUT the dialogue!!!'' whilst I sob#and hit backspace on everything once every five minutes#But that means probably the first character I worked on will be very obvious because their quests might have a different#feel than the others and be longer.. I just CAN'T make ALL of them that long. but maybe I could choose one..#Like out of the four characters that will have full quests for them upon release.. maybe I can add another one thats long so at least#TWO of them have weirdly long quests and the one first character doesnt seem so singled out lol#I hear this happens in real life professional games as well (like people complaining that X character doesnt have as much#content in an RPG as some other one does. etc.) so.. perhaps my fears about everyting not being exactlyliterally equal#are not even that worrisome or something that's a major factor. Still lol#It's not really that concerning to me anyways from a 'how will people react to it' perspective (very niche game. hardly anyone#will play it i'd assume. its not like thousands of people shall desscend upon me to criticize even if something was weird like that.#it'd be like. out of the 25 people who ever play it. maybe one of them is like 'yeah it was kinda weird that thosequests were so much#longer than the others. but idk' and that's the extent lol). My concern is more like.. Writing time..#the more I add. the longer it takes for me to finish. So if I keep ednlessly making things forever longer and longer. then it becomes The#Forever Project. which it kind of already is. considering I started it in 2018 and then forgot about it for the most part of 5 years and am#only resuming it now LOL.. I cannot bear to add MORE forever onto that which already is quite Forever-ish#If I wrote everything the ideal way I wish it were then I would either need a full team of writers. or I would finish the game in 2085#so.. alas.. cut cut snip snip..#ANYWAY lol
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#i know this is just burnout#but i'm so frustrated with my own body like#the first two years of grad school i was taking 2 classes per semester#sometimes working 1-2 jobs at a time#and then sometimes speaking at conferences too#*while* still slowly working on my thesis#(admittedly not getting very far at all in the writing stage)#and it burned me out *so bad*#and now just taking one class and writing my thesis tires me out tremendously#sure i'm actually *writing* it now and making so much more progress#but i'm no longer working. or taking any other classes. i'll probably do more conference stuff later but...how did i do it all???#also i'm so behind in networking like???#where is my energy???#i can barely even do thesis work for my than 3-4 hours at most before i need to stop for the day..and that's on a good day#idk i feel like i make this post multiple times per year and nothing changes health wise lol#sorry i'm just sitting here in this coffee shop and i want to cry lol i feel so tired and unmotivated lol#grad school tag
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u know what i've been thinking about. how the economy expects you to be, right now, at a job you've been at and consistently getting raises in for like, ten years. it's almost like the implication is "well yeah, you'll be able to live off this job in three, five, ten years if you stick with it and grow in the company" which is all fine and dandy, but i kind of need to live right now
#the queen of trash has spoken#rewrote this post six times and it turned into an essay both times and i don't really need it to lol#also thinking about the graphic i saw this morning that said the average spending power of $100 here is $41 compared to the national averag#which i guess? min wage is just over $16 here. but uhhhhhhhh i think my city is one of the most expensive in the state as far as cost of#living goes (not hard since we're the second largest city in a state of three decent sized cities and mostly large towns)#and its just crazy bc i look at my coworkers some of whom haven't been there much longer than me#who have kids and a house and stuff#and i realize oh. their husbands are engineers or lawyers. plus they're probably making more than me because they're team leads or managers#or have been there longer. meanwhile my 25 year old ass is making $20 an hour and my boyfriend is making $18 an hour#both doing highly-specialized work#and like. the idea that in ten years if i last that long both in the company and in this mortal coil#THEN i'll be making a living wage (in today's money)#is like. so wack! considering the fact that people really aren't staying in jobs for very long for various reasons#and for some positions the only way to get a raise is to move to a whole new company#it's just crazy! the fact that a 25 year old with a bachelor's degree can't even afford a fucking APARTMENT.#like everyone should be able to have housing obvs and the obvious solution to this is a universal basic income#but the fact that my experiencce in the economy is so different from my brothers (who is seven years older than me) and COMPLETELY#unrecognizable to that of my parents when they were my age. like i know billionaires are totally disconnected from reality#but in what universe is this a successful economy? /rq i know the answer i promise
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Honestly sooooooo fucked up that I thought my overwhelming daily fatigue and debilitating body pain was a product of the awful working conditions I was under for years and years... and yet, despite being out of work for half a year now, I'm still so fatigued and in pain all the time??? Like come on man that's not fair
Oh well maybe I have liver disease and they'll treat it and then I am magically so much more energized like I was as a kid. We can only hope !!!!
#speculation nation#negative/#um. not hoping i have liver disease but the blood tests blatantly state that it's not working entirely right.#not like major enough to be an immediate health emergency. or else my doctor probably wouldve called me#rather than referring me to radiology.#im just hoping that it's something easy to treat. it really would be so nice for my problems to be fixed like that.#and im mentioning it in conjunction with the fatigue just bc it can cause fatigue. ya kno.#probably is a good thing i caught it this early whatever it is.#like maybe it's Not fibromyalgia. but the fact that i pursued diagnosis for fibromyalgia spurred the blood tests#which alerted my doctor to the abnormal liver enyzmes.#if i hadnt pursued diagnosis who knows how much longer this wouldve gone on like this...#so! im still not happy to be doing a Fucking ultrasound for my liver. but. if it means catching whatever this is early#then like. it'll be worth it. doubly so if it does end up fixing my fatigue problems.#or even just some of them. i dont even need to be at 100% of what others can do#i just wanna be able to do half an hour of chores without feeling like im going to collapse šššš#it's really very troublesome. my life would be so much easier if i had the energy to do more than one thing per day.#(and if i do more than one thing i end up nearly bedridden the rest of the day. like today lol.)#im just trying to look on the bright sides so i dont start freaking out again about my liver not working right.#ultimately. even if i dont feel amazing. i dont feel all that different from how ive lived the past decade of my life.#or at least the most recent years. i kind of feel like my chronic pain has gotten worse. maybe fatigue too.#though i do know ive been dealing with both for however long. idk. might be recency bias. who knows.#ANYWAYS. im not actively dying. so i'll live to my appointments. and then i will hope it's smooth sailing from there.#(oh god i hope i wont need surgery. i dont want surgery. please im trying to graduate college i do not want surgery)#(god why is my luck always so bad)
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 7: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(ā¦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ā¦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should go on a 5 day journey to find the Innkeeper's weird brother who studies animals, and show him the Suspicious Eggā¦.
~
The next morning he wakes early, buzzing with renewed purpose, and also minor back pain from sleeping on old potato sacks.. After a meager breakfast of more free leftover scraps, the Innkeeper stops him before he leaves, giving him a few extra supplies for the long journey, as she can tell he doesn't have much. He packs up and sets out onto the road once again, crumpled sketchy map in hand...
He has a fairly uneventful journey for the first day - waving at the occasional other travelers as they pass, cleaning his boots in a nearby pond, stopping to eat some dumplings whilst watching the sunset, and finally setting up a small tent a short ways off the main path, resting with his cat by a dim campfire until they both fall asleep......
The second day, however, does not start as smoothly.. Only a few hours further down the road, he's met with a large barricade, guarded by a group of what seems like elven soldiers from one of the larger surrounding cities of the area. Practicing his confidence, he puts on his best "brave face" (which to others, appears more as some sort of pained wince, like he might have something in his eye), shakily striding right up to the authority figures he is definitely not afraid of.
"Halt, traveler! You cannot pass."
He sways slightly, struggling to keep his wobbly legs under control, "OH, y-yEAH, ssorry, I was-, hh, I was just walking, ~o-out for a stroooll~, haha, so I .. uh.. o-okay. That's.. okay. But, uh.. could, can.. euh.. C-can I ask why? like... why the, uh... blocking off.. of ... the um.. the-"
"Unfortunately, we are not at liberty to disclose any information on the nature of this current road closure. Our sole duty is to maintain security of the barrier."
"hhHeh, ye.. eAh, for sure, I-I get that.. Duty is.. really so... important in ... today's world.. gotta, um.. do the duties.. or, uh.. .. yeah, but.. so, uhhh... wh-Do you know.. maybe, uh... H-how long you'll, like... be here? guarding... and such...??"
"We'll be here as long as we need to be here."
"...O-okay.. but, like.. uh... any,,.... time estimate? hahahehhh?? like, uh.. a day, or... two, or um...??"
"This matter does not concern you, traveler. Move along."
"Aoh, yeahgh, I.. totally.. totally.. it, uh.. Well.. but it kind of does though,, right? B-because I do, in fact, actually have to go down that road at some p-point sssoo, um,... uh.. I-"
"I said move along."
The guard abruptly takes a step forward, causing The Adventurer to yelp as if he'd been hit, tripping over his own feet and scrambling off on hands and knees, lunging into bushes near the rocky roadside.. After exchanging a confused glance, the guards both shrug, resuming their stoic positions at the barrier.
The Adventurer watches from the uncomfortable safety of some berry brambles, surveying the area at a distance and desperately trying to work out how he can still get where he's trying to go. The map given to him by the Innkeeper is pretty straightforward, not showing alternate paths. Based on his primary map, he could maybe think of a few detours, but he's anxiously unfamiliar with the area... How should he proceed?
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Additional Details - (I decided whenever he gets new items or goals or something, I'll list them at the end just to keep track)
items + to inventory (from the Innkeeper): 2 lunchboxes of vegetable dumplings, 2 canteens of water, a box of tea, one rope, 1 pouch of dried meat, 4 candles, a hand-drawn map
main goal: get to the abandoned castle ruins to see the rare animal specialist about the egg
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#SORRY this took so long. I still want to do this daily or every other day lol. I just had a lot going on the past few days#the story tidbit of this one is slightly longer again because you need spaces to break up dialogue and etc. but much shorter#than the other one still and pretty concise. I tried to leave out a lot of detail and just give the bare minimum again lol#Hopefully his speaking style isn't too grating also ghbjhb.. I'm more familiar with writing dialogue for like.. people to say out loud so#to me I'm always trying to hear it in my head and write eveything exactly how it would be spoken. and to me it sounds fine#if you act it in the exact voice I'm envisioning and have a distinct speaking style where you pause or drag#out words in a specific way - like with particualr cadence and comedic timing - it sounds fine#I'm just not sure if that translates to text as well lol#But he doesn't actually talk often. the past two times have been exceptions since he keeps running into people#And he'll have to talk if he ever actally makes it to the Innkeeper's brother. But most obstacles on the road#are probably prettyy easily dialogue free#ANYWAY...#Love his dramatics.. Imagine if you just take one step towards someone and they scream and throw themselves#onto the ground and run away gjhhjbj#the cat just leisurely trotting over to catch up with him because they're not actually scared#anyway.. ! day 7.. that's like a whole week! except it's been over a week since sometimes it takes me like 2 days lol
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