#shes a party loving alien whos bad at driving her ufo

[syrupyyyart]

I've been working exclusively on Motley and no other personal project for like 2 years now, and I think I've finally hit a wall. Which I don't love, because I sure am ready to see it as a pilot!!! But I've had so many ideas for it at this point that I've ended up with a bunch of crossed wires that I can't seem to untangle.

I'm gonna let it rest for a little bit and try to work on a smaller project. Maybe that's the sort of palette cleanser I need to get the gears turning again.

I hope you guys like aliens.

[the-20th-century-girl]

all the numbers for Larry Rickard, Ho-Tan and Humphrey 😁

Oh boy, this one will be hard and also interesting. Leaving this under a cut as it got a little long...

This may appear first on the list of answers but it sure as heck wasn't the first I answered. Saved this to last as it's the most difficult.

1. stab, shoot or drown

Drown Humphrey. He's easy as he's already dead so nothing actually happens. Plus I'm sure his head will just float on the water.

Sorry to stab the massager but Larry pulled the short straw here.

Which I guess leaves Ho-Tan to be shot. Sorry girl.

I'd get drunk with Larry, it'll probably be the best night ever lol.

2. fist fight, get drunk with, share a flat with

I wouldn't say I have much in common in terms of interior design with any of them. But out of the 3, Ho-Tan is most likely to surprise me with liking something I do.

Which leave poor Humphrey... But it's just the body I'm fist fighting, as it needs to be a fair fight. Which says more about me than him...

3. fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with

We all know Ho-Tan isn't one for fighting actual people/creature, So Capitalism better watch out for this Trans Scribe Elder!

Saying Humphrey for aliens as I got this funny image of them trying to adduct him, classic UFO beans over him (body and head attached) and he floats up. Only it's just his head that gets beaned up to the ship and his body just stays put on the ground :')

Which leaves Larry for zombie fighting. I'd feel we'd both be equally as capable and useless as each other in this...

4. write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book

With Larry's help and input the book we'd write could be somewhat enjoyable, at the very least... readable.

I'm dyslectic as heck! So any attempt of reading out loud would be awkward and terribly monotone in delivery. So Ho-Tan is my girl for this. She's less likely to judge and may try to help. Or just take over which would be better for everyone's sake.

And again Humphrey is getting abused... Could say my middle name is Thomas. Anyway again the imagery of me throwing the book and it hitting him on the head and it falls off is just too funny to me.

5. go on a six hour road trip with (no car radio, you choose who drives), sit next to on a six hour plane flight, sit across from on a six hour train journey

Let's be real. Ho-Tan doesn't know how to drive, or Humphrey for that matter. So me and Larry will be having to entertain ourselves with eye spy and carpool karaoke (without music).

I'd sit next to Humphrey on the plane. No reason whatsoever. Definitely not so we can snuggle up and maybe nap......

And I'd sit opposite Ho-Tan on the train. Comparing the beautiful views from our window to her.

6. go clothes shopping with, go to ikea with, go grocery shopping with

I'd go to Ikea with Humphrey. Mostly as he'd be so lost after when he tries to put what we got together. And it would be funny to watch him. I will help eventually when it stops being funny.

Obviously going clothes shopping with my girl Ho-Tan. We have very different styles but it'll be a great girls day out.

And go get groceries with Larry. I'm sure he'll be able to put up with my bad jokes as we walk past the vegetables section and I say to him "Lettuce romaine calm about this".

7. go to a wedding with, go to a party with, go to a museum with

I'd go to a wedding with Ho-Tan. So she can wear a beautiful wedding dress with flowers in her hair as everyone watches her walk down the aisle . Plot twist it's our wedding, we're getting married.

I'd go to a party with Humphrey. I'd gosh darn include the boy in something!

And would absolutely love to go to a museum with Larry, especially a history one! He most definitely has stories to tell from his Horrible Histories days.

8. share a car with, share a bank account with, share a cake with

Like you said about Vex I wouldn't trust Ho-Tan with a car or shared bank account. So she's getting cake.

Share the car with Larry, as I don't drive and as I said it before, I’m sure Humphrey doesn't either. Otherwise the car would just sit there.

And I guess that leaves me to share a bank account with Humphrey. I mean it could be worse, a lot worse... could've been Julian!

9. watch a soap opera with, go to a play with, watch your favourite movie with

I'd happily watch my favourite movie with Humphrey (assuming he's a ghost and can't leave). It's The Last Unicorn and he seemed easily enough pleased so could enjoy it.

I have to watch a soap opera with Ho-Tan. She'd love the extremely bad cheesy ones the most for sure!

And lastly. I would adore to watch a play with Larry.

10. netflix and chill with, go ice-skating with, play dodgeball against

I'd go ice-skating with Larry. Don't know if he's ever done it but I haven't so he'll either help me or we'll both wobble and fall together.

Gotta Netflix and chill with my girl Ho-Tan. I doubt they have Netflix in Yonderland so we'll have a lot to discover on there.

And lastly play dodgeball against Humphrey. But the dodgeball is his head.

put three names & a number in my ask

[czec-hoslo-vak-ians]

I'm so sorry that it's been a lifetime since I reacted and posted a episode blog but I'm back now so lets going on with the episode

Michael and Maria 💜

Scene goes👽

It's nice to see everyone having a good time for a hot second. Max looks hot running without a shirt on I just need to Pause and look at him shirtless for a minute🤤. Love the way that Michael looks at Maria it's just something about it give me all the feels. Tess can heal like that come I mean if no level to Max is healing but still she could heal I wonder why Isabelle and Michael can't. Bizarre that Max just left nocito in his room when his parents could walk in at any moment however I don't think he was thinking logically to hide the body somewhere he was more thinking he has to warn his friends. It totally makes sense now Max was running instead of driving because Isabel had the car. Another is the question why wasn't Max at the party? I love how Michael jumped up and said I'll take care of it course Tess has to shoot him down for no reason at all, but he takes control anyway. Split Second I do feel sorry for Tess she just lost her father figure. A lot of pressure to put on max at this moment.

It looks like Kyle is coming back from football camp. I completely forgot he wasn't in the first episode. I think his dad completely forgot about him. I love how Kyle debauched nacidos name. Don't blame Kyle for being irritated right now. I completely understand where Michael is coming from they are sitting ducks in school right now but however what other plan do they really have if they don't go to school that's suspicious to. Of course a suspicious figure is following Max who else would this be figure be following. But Max has Spidey senses you can tell that something is following him. Now this is dumb Max to go and see what it is, and of course uses his powers. I think he talked his way out of that one.

Max is in a class without one of them other mean people because it seems like they all have class together each one of them is with someone else. New UFO old guy that runs the center seems fishy to me. I do not like him whatsoever or trust him just the way that he kicks Max out.

Vomit right now Max just happens to walk by Tess. Me yelling at him KEEP ON WALKING DONT STOP. I get the feeling that Tess doesn't like being on Earth. Maria trying to be such a good friend saying one thing and then looking out the window and seeing something else the opposite of what you're saying that's like getting crap thrown in your face. Why is it that when Michael says we are not human Max doesn't want to hear it however Tess says the same you can see the wheels turning in his head that he has a point. You can see that Tess is really pushing for Max to remember this other life. Why wasn't Tess door locked Max just walked right in. Question is why did they break into Tess's house and not one of the others? The real question is what are the skins looking for?

Valenti books weird sitting at the table doing bills like that then again this is back in the late 90s. Max and Tess should have knocked because it seems like they are trying to break in, however Valenti shouldnt of pointed the gun like that while opening up the door. He should have called out first. Why is Kyle acting like he's still at camp, he's acting really strange lately what did Camp do to him? I approve Kyle looks good without a shirt on too, how long with his Calvin Klein😁. I do not like that Liz told congresswoman about agent Pierce wanting to break up with her that's lie doesn't sound believable. Whitaker is dumb to believe it.

There has to be a tie fitting between John FK what they're talking about and with Max. I don't think Max ever heard of the expression curiosity killed the cat. Not to be out all that Brody is just right behind him. Brody firing Max is a little suspicious I think then again Max was snooping around when he should have been.

I really like the way that Maria is grown-up look right now last season she was the nerdy boyish look this season she is confident and girly look. This is a way better look for her. I like that Maria is trying to be there for Liz. When you knock and someone doesn't respond, in or it open doesn't mean you open the door and walk in. Whitaker is totally playing with his right now it just have a feeling she 1 not really drunk she just needed Liz to spill out a name.

Tess shouldn't be in Kyle's room like that uninvited and in his clothes. Kyle and Tess could be a interesting combination. I completely understand where Kyle is coming from. Tess really lays it on thick, making him feel bad. But I understand where Tess is coming from too.

Where has Michael been I have not see him all episode. I'm so glad that we get to see him for a hot second. I am so proud of Michael that he standing up for himself I'm telling Max that he has to start listening to to him. It seems like Isabel can't make a decision. She never knows whose side to choose. That girl needs to get a backbone. Michael the dummy that he is never has a plan he just goes off of instincts. Of course it's going to knock Michael out whatever that beeping noises it's cuz he doesn't have a plan or come up with backup.

I'm so glad that Isabelle well finally told Maxx to shut she's starting to get a backbone. I agree with Isabelle Brody has to go. Surprisingly shocked that she said they kill him. What Isabel saying makes total logic cents something needs to be done Max needs to choose a side

I understand the JFK reference to Max present day. JFK was the leader he had two choices to make Max the leader he has choices to make. They are paralleling the two. I think that it's funny that the only person Max has to talk to you right now is Maria and Maria feels really uncomfortable. Maria was somewhat of a help.

I love the slow motion of them walking. I love Max is new power or he can just block people with a green glow. It's Upsetting that Max didn't tell his friends about his new ability. Max almost blew everything , Brody he's an oddball oh, I quite don't believe this whole abduction by alien but then again with this show you just never know. It's only Brody known that he is actually talking to one a them. The wonder that creepy Shadow thing comes and goes.

That was nice of Kyle to give his room to Tess even though she doesn't deserve it. I do not believe anything that Brody told Max. The new waitress hitting on Michael this cannot happen we have to make this stop. I like that Max is taking Maria's advice and doing something to show Liz that he's there for her. OMG the new waitresses the skin ���. This is not good.

Well you guys the end of the episode I had fun I hope you had fun I'll see you on the other side.

Quote of the episode " Calvin Klein I approve"

Coming up next : surprise

Pic NOT mine

[theliterateape]

Hope Idiotic | Part 14

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

CHUCK CLAIMED HE WAS ATTENDING AA MEETINGS ON A REGULAR BASIS. So each morning, Melvin stuck his nose right into Chuck’s open mouth and told him to breathe. These closed-door sessions were disguised as short, daily program meetings so as not to drum up any suspicion that something covert was going on. Not that anyone could have guessed that Chuck was allowing his superior to huff his morning breath.

“If he wasn’t such a weirdo, he’d buy a Breathalyzer,” Chuck told Lou over the phone one morning on his drive to work. “We can’t have beers at lunch anymore, and I try to have my last drink by ten so any trace of it is gone by the morning. I also sleep with three Life Saver in my mouth.”

“Aren’t you concerned you’ll choke?”

“Nah. Gina is spending the night pretty regularly. If I choke, she’s there to save me.”

“You could just brush your teeth, floss, use mouthwash. Not drink.”

“Nah.”

“Won’t you eventually have to show Melvin proof that you’re going to the meetings? Don’t they give you a chip or something?”

“I’m going to tell him that I don’t feel AA is right for me, but thanks to his faith and support I’ve been able to kick the bottle. All the guy wants is to be appreciated; feel like he saved someone. I’ll throw some of that bullshit his way.”

“You’re walking a thin line, man. How are things with Gina? Have you heard from Lexi at all?”

Lexi had asked him to lunch on a Saturday. He told her he was working on the magazine. She suggested Sunday. Same excuse. The truth was that he had plans to drive to Joshua Tree National Park with Gina. How about dinner at Bella’s next Monday might? she asked. He couldn’t avoid her forever, and he didn’t want to. There was a part of him that missed the dull sex and the Bible reading at bedtime.

Lexi was wearing new makeup and had a new hairstyle. He told her she looked pretty. She always looked pretty to him, but the makeup and hair, on top of not seeing her for a few months, made her seem like a new woman. It made her exciting to him again.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said.

  “I’ve missed you.”

“If you want… we could… maybe we could see each other again. But take it slow, not rush into anything.”

It was what Chuck hoped she would say. But was it a good idea? What would he do about Gina? She was more or less living with him at the house, and he did not want to slow things down with her. Lexi still had her key and the garage code, and he had just made a key for Gina, who also knew the garage code. As nice as it was having both women around, there was a damn good chance that all of it could blow up in his face.

Maintaining a life of lies wasn’t easy. He had to watch the same romantic comedies twice. He had to regularly think of believable excuses about why either one couldn’t stay at the house. Gina began leaving her preferred groceries at the house, and Chuck would eat everything so that Lexi wouldn’t question why he had a box of Kashi cereal in the cabinet. Gina, then, was confused as to where her food went. She must have eaten it, he told her. Because he would never touch her food. That would be rude. Gina, worried she had developed a sleep-eating disorder, stopped buying groceries for his house. Chuck was, without malice, leading her toward a path of anorexia. But, hey, whatever kept the pantry clean.

Lexi traded the Bible for a libido, but what was even better was that she was still willing to help Chuck out with his finances. Even though his mother’s health was currently stable and wasn’t causing too many additional expenses at the moment, the interest rates on his credit cards and the outstanding medical bills were barely manageable. On top of that, the IRS began garnishing his wages. Because Liberty’s publisher didn’t deduct taxes from Chuck’s paychecks, Chuck chose to just not pay on what he earned. It was a proud stance of libertarianism. He ignored Lou’s and everyone else’s advice against it. “Screw the IRS,” he’d say. It didn’t matter to him that the publisher claimed the payroll and that the IRS would, at some point, come looking for what was due.

With the wage garnishment, Chuck’s take home from Tigris was little more than two-hundred bucks every two weeks. He obviously couldn’t pay any of his bills or rent with money like that. Lexi was giving him between five hundred and one thousand dollars every month. Most of that money went for his mom’s medical bills and to keep the utilities on in the house, put gas in his car and also to buy beer and pay for dates with Gina. He canceled the insurance on his car, stopped making the car-loan payment and quit paying Lou altogether.

Melvin was thrilled with the sobriety illusion Chuck created. Lexi was happy just to be with him and was confident he’d pay her back once his wages were returned to him in a few months. After Gina saw a text message from Lexi show up on Chuck’s phone, she knew the exes were talking again. But he assured her that the conversations were rare and that he wasn’t interested in dating Lexi. He even placated her with the idea of marriage when she brought it up one night over dinner.

He had built a sturdy fortress of bullshit, but cracks were starting to show.

To: kellerinvegas@hotmail.com From: thebergman79@hotmail.com<Louis Bergman> Subject: Rent 

CK– Like I’ve said before… Don’t worry about the rent. I told my grandparents that things are tight for you right now but that we’ll figure something out. They know about your mom and all that, so just pay the utilities and credit card companies. Those fuckers won’t give you a break. Michelle said I ought to evict you. Dad said I shouldn’t do that to a friend. And I never would. So don’t worry about it. Oh, Michelle… Sometimes I think she would have ratted out Anne Frank given the opportunity. What you need to be worried about is this two-timing thing you’ve got going. Even If you’re not worried about it, I sure as hell am, and it’s not making things any easier for me out here. Don’t make me worry about you. I can only barely manage one life going to shit at a time, and I called dibs. –LB

To: thebergman79@hotmail.com From: kellerinvegas@hotmail.com<Chuck Keller> Subject: Re: Rent

Thanks, buddy. I feel terrible about not paying. I should write a letter to your dad and grandpaw. I don’t know what to tell you about Michelle. You love her, so figure it out. Maybe when we get our shit back in order, she’ll be more understanding. Though, I’m not sure that’s fair. Taking the good with the bad and all that. I gotta get out of here. I’m about to fucking crack. This place is too hot for me right now. Nothing can go on the back burner because I’ve gone and set the goddamn kitchen on fire. Not your kitchen. You know what I mean. I need to figure this out. And I need to do it before I burn the whole fucking house down. And probably the block. I’m sorry. That probably made you worry. I’m a terrible friend. Everything will be fine. Everything. Just need some time and space to cool out.

✶

HE LEFT WORK EARLY ON THURSDAY AND TOOK FRIDAY AS A VACATION DAY. He told Lexi and Gina that he would be working all weekend and couldn’t see them.

He swung by the house, changed clothes, packed a small bag with clean underwear, a toothbrush and half a dozen bottles of beer from the fridge, threw it in his car and took off up U.S. 95 northbound.

The only predetermined direction was straight. When he finished the six beers, he pulled into a gas station a few miles outside of the city limits and purchased a case of cans. He cracked the first one before pulling out of the parking lot. By the time he hit Tonopah, he was out of gas and nearly out of beer. While the BMW drank in the unleaded, Chuck purchased another case, a pack of cigarettes and a bag of beef jerky

“Are you sure you’re alright to be on the road tonight?” the clerk at the gas station asked.

“On the road is the only way to be alright.” Then he laughed. He took his change and handed it to the old woman with translucent blue hair sitting at the video slot machine near the door. “Take the change and flee!” He stormed out with the case under his arm and stuffed the pack of smokes and lighter into his mouth. He lit up before the gas finished pumping.

Chuck aimed the BMW to Highway 6 toward Warm Springs and onto the Extraterrestrial Highway. This stretch of road had long been his place of solace. Before heading north up to Hiko, he yanked the car onto the shoulder, threw it in park, grabbed the case of beer and climbed onto the roof. He lay on his back drinking while he looked for UFOs. The stars began to blur and spin in unusual patterns against the Earth’s rotation. Chuck’s beer-filled brain was in retrograde and to him, everything looked like a spaceship racing across the sky.

“E.T.!” he shouted into the blackness. “I see you. Can you see me? Come on down. I have a beer for you. You’ll like it. It’s from a place called Milwaukee.”

✶

HE WOKE UP ON A SMALL COT SHOVED INTO A CORNER INSIDE OF A SMALL, CIGARETTE-SMOKE-STAINED ROOM. His glasses were on a rickety nightstand. Someone entered the room; a woman. She handed his glasses to him.

She was a petite, but big-breasted, blond Asian. “Am I dead?” Chuck asked.

“Hardly,” she said. “But I thought we might have to have your stomach pumped.”

“Where am I?”

“Starlight Ranch, sweetie. Do you remember me?”

“Fuck.” The Starlight Ranch was a whorehouse in Lund, a small town just outside of the Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forrest. “I’m sure my wallet will.”

“Unfortunately not. You didn’t want to party last night. I thought maybe you’d be up for it this morning.”

“So we didn’t?”

“Not yet.” She took a seat next to him on the bed and stroked his thigh over his jeans. “You kept mumbling something about too many pussies.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“And you kept buying drinks for an imaginary alien you said you found on the highway. One of our regulars tried to drink one of the beers you bought, but you threatened to kill him and anyone else who touched the beers. There are about thirteen or so glasses of warm beer waiting for you out there on the bar.”

“That sounds about right, too. I’m impressed we didn’t screw last night. You’re the woman of my dreams. I love Asian women. And blondes. And tits.”

“You called me your Zipper-Eyed Angel last night.”

Chuck laughed. “Sorry about that.”

“I’ve been called worse. Other than that, you were a total gentleman. Even ran a good couple games of pool and had the whole place dancing to the jukebox.”

“Were there a lot of people here?”

“Maybe a dozen. Mostly us girls.”

She and Chuck moved out to the bar. He grabbed one of the alien’s beers and chugged it down. She sat on a stool.

“What did you say your name was?” Chuck said.

“Starla.”

“Your real name.”

“Dakota.”

“Your real name.”

“Dakota. I’m a first generation. My parents were living in Sioux Falls at the time.”

“Jesus, that’s awful. Chinese?”

“Yes.”

“What were two Chinese immigrants doing in Sioux Falls?”

“Laundry business. Only Asian dry cleaners in the whole state. The newspaper even did a story about it.”

“Asians in Sioux Falls. Can’t say I would run that story.”

“Are you a newspaper man?”

“I’m the editor of a magazine. Back in Vegas.”

“What brought you out here?”

“Escape.”

“What from?”

“I don’t think my alien friend is going to claim these beers,” he told the bartender, a grizzled older woman. “You can toss them. I would love a fresh one, though.” He turned back to the Asian in response to her question. “What from? Everything. The job. The girls. The boss. The family.”

“The big city life, huh?”

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them.”

“My mom is sick. Heart problems. I put myself in the poorhouse taking care of her medical bills, which I can’t afford anymore. Can’t afford rent to my best buddy whose house I’m living in, the IRS is taking my wages for back taxes, and I’m letting my ex-girlfriend pay for all of it right now. At the same time, I’m also dating this other girl. My boss demanded I go into AA, which I’m obviously not doing, and generally, I’ve just sort of fucked myself. Because on top of the magazine, which is probably going to shut down if I don’t actually get back to working on it and get it out on time each month, I have a full-time day gig at the Tigris. That’s the boss who wants me in AA. And that job: all the corporate nonsense, the micro-managing, the fluorescent lighting, the mandatory meetings that accomplish nothing… I’m just not doing anything right. And I don’t know why. But it all started out with the best of intentions.”

Dakota ordered a club soda.

“All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take care of the people I care about. And I can’t do that. I’m actually hurting them. And that makes it worse. And I worry about my mom — both of my parents, really. And my brother… They’re so helpless and stupid. Just dull and shiftless. Wasting days in Indiana. My best pal, the one whose house I’m living in, is in Chicago living with a girl who he loves but is just so hard on him. And he’s unemployed and frustrated and not doing so hot either. And I know I’m making things worse for him by not paying him rent and… Ah, fuck it. It’s all a mess. Christ, I’m talking a lot. I must not be drunk enough to shut up.”

“So you ran away from it all.”

“I needed an escape. Don’t we all need to escape sometimes?”

“I suppose so. But blowing a thousand bucks on booze at a cathouse hundreds of miles from home isn’t helping.”

“It clears my mind.”

“Bullshit.”

“It is. But it’s something. It’s something else. A good long drive always does me good. Maybe I’ll figure it out on the drive back.” He signaled the bartender for another round. “Are you drinking?” he asked Dakota.

“No, thank you. You seem like a sweet guy. But intentions, well, they’re just that. I lived in Vegas for a few years after leaving Sioux Falls. I needed to get away from that life. It was too slow. There wasn’t enough action; I needed to make something of myself. But I always had every intention of going back home at some point. Then I met a guy, and things went bad, and I had to leave. And I ended up here. I haven’t seen or spoken to my family in years. I don’t even have any real friends. I made the real escape.”

“And are you okay with your life now?”

“I’m fine with it. I think that before I was always hurting. And I haven’t hurt since I’ve been here. No one knows me, and I don’t know anyone. These other girls, my boss, they’re just co-workers. I get paid to create human interaction. It’s all business; there are no real feelings attached to any of it. I make people happy, if only for an hour and for whatever reason they want to feel happy for. Maybe they’re tired of being by themselves in the cabs of their trucks. Maybe they’re not getting any physical affection at home. Maybe they’re too socially fucked up to meet women in their real life. Maybe they like the fantasy of a Chinese girl with big tits. But I escaped because I was hurting all of the time. And I was hurting my parents with my behavior. I’ve seen all the hurt I ever want to see. Personally, anyway. Now I just provide relief. Or that one thing every one of us wants.”

“And what’s that? Happiness?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Well, I never hurt my parents.”

“This isn’t a pissing contest. I’m just telling you that everybody hurts, and that this escape of yours, it’s not going to stop that.”

“‘Everybody hurts.’ Are you quoting R.E.M. now?”

“What’s R.E.M.?”

“The band. They had that song, ‘Everybody Hurts.’”

“Never heard of them. Don’t know it. Listen, why don’t you come back to my room with me.”

“I can’t. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

Dakota leaned in and whispered in his ear, “A blowjob on the house won’t hurt anything. As long as my boss doesn’t find out.” 

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12